#and this has maintained into the divorce because this is a 'only didn't work out cuz we were too married to work'

[essektheylyss]

In light of the knowledge that Jonas Spahr does apparently have an incredibly compartmentalized, probably still nebulous and lonely personal life, I think we should all pitch the most unhinged ways that could possibly shake out.

My pitch is that he's quietly but amicably divorced from Jedidiah Pom.

[cookinguptales]

(via @goofygooberton)

tbh the one detail I want to talk about most is Guillermo taking off the cardigan that his grandmother gave him before he let Derek bite him.

Like -- him taking off his clothing before letting Derek bite him lends itself well to the sex/virginity metaphor I already talked about, but the fact that Guillermo specifically said that his grandmother got it for him... That opens up such a can of worms.

I want to come at this detail from a couple different angles, actually. That's how important I think it was. I think that the cardigan represents Guillermo's humanity, his family, and his slayer lineage. He wants to take it off -- but he also wants to protect it.

To start with, his humanity. Guillermo's sweaters have always kind of been a symbol of how... unvampiric he is. They're soft, they're cozy, they're not exactly fashionable. He stopped wearing them as often as he started delving into his slayer side and when he started being on more even footing with his vampiric family, but he's gone back to wearing them more often again.

I feel like Guillermo is often trying to Make A Point with his clothing, tbh. He wore smart, effective, professional (and attractive) clothing as a slayer. He wore flashy, expensive clothing to try and show off his power, money, and influence once he started embezzling from the club. But sweaters are his comfort clothes, and as he stops feeling the need to prove himself, he seems to revert back to what makes him most comfortable.

So him insisting on removing his sweater first, again, feels like Guillermo getting out of his comfort zone. It's him purposefully divorcing himself from his humanity before allowing Derek to turn him.

But... he still wants to keep those clothes safe. He still hasn't left humanity behind him all together.

Which brings me to the second point. Family. Guillermo very specifically brings up that this cardigan was given to him by his grandmother, the de facto head of the family. She loves him dearly, and, lbr, has been known to make not-so-subtle statements via her cardigans.

(Remember the rainbow cardigan at the family dinner? I sure do.)

Guillermo has really struggled with balancing his relationships with his family and his relationships with the vampires. He's in a very fragile place right now where he knows that his family is a danger to the vampires he loves (and vice-versa) and that they would not accept his choice to be a vampire. He literally told them what he wanted and saw it go to absolute shit. But they don't remember that now, so he's been able to maintain this tenuous peace between his two families.

But... has he really thought all this through? He's made the decision to become a vampire, and how will that affect his relationship with his family? The transformation doesn't seem to be working correctly, possibly because of his bloodline, but he's not quite human anymore, either. Is he far enough gone to set off their killing instinct? Hard to say, but I bet we'll find out.

So when Guillermo takes off a cardigan that his grandmother gave him to prevent it from getting stained with blood, it feels like he has chosen to distance himself from his family, but still desperately wants to hold onto what little relationship they might have left. He doesn't want their relationship to be permanently stained.

But I can only assume that his sweater, like every other inch of that room, probably got very bloody indeed.

So... is it a losing battle, trying to keep his relationship with his family safe and blood-free? Is it, like that sweater, doomed to destruction despite his best efforts?

Hard to say!

Finally... the whole slayer thing. The thing that's come between Guillermo, the vampires, and his family for all this time. Guillermo didn't want to be a slayer, but has come around to the realities of his bloodline. But he still doesn't want it to get in the way of his transformation. He removed the sweater that his vampire-slaying grandmother gave him before he was bitten, just like he's trying to remove his human bloodline altogether.

But... it's not so easy to get rid of your blood, is it? Even when you spray about 10 gallons of it all over the back room of a gas station. I think that blood is probably still interfering with the transformation, but I guess we'll get more information on that later.

The most interesting part of all this to me, though, is like... okay, so Guillermo's sweaters represent the parts of him that he wants to shed during this transformation, but that he simultaneously can't quite stand to let go of. But in the same episode, Nandor specifically asks Guillermo to wear a sweater.

Like sure, he calls it shitty -- but he doesn't want Guillermo to wear the flashy, expensive clothes that Guillermo wore to impress his family and boyfriend, or the neat lines of his professional slayer wear. He wants Guillermo at his most comfortable and his most himself. He wants Guillermo in a sweater, the nicest one he has. He wants Guillermo to be the nicest version of himself. He doesn't need Guillermo to take anything away from himself; he just wants to change him into the best version of what he already is.

The real question here for me now is... is this because Nandor is still uncomfortable thinking about Guillermo's transformation? Is that why he's still insisting on Guillermo wearing his sweaters? Or is it just that this is the version of Guillermo he likes best? The comfortable, sweet, soft version of him? The Guillermo that brushes his hair and pats his back and talks him down when he's scared?

Does he want Guillermo to keep wearing his sweaters because he, like Guillermo, associates them with his humanity? Or is it because he associates them with Guillermo's happiness? Does he want Guillermo to be the best version of himself while still being "shitty", aka human? Or does he want Guillermo to feel comfortable at his birthday dinner even if Nandor personally thinks the sweaters are ugly?

God. Nandor.

Ahhhh fuck, this all makes me feral. lmao. I am not emotionally prepared for this season.

[lunar-years]

Okay because it was briefly mentioned in this post speculating on Roy's parents I really want to hear people's thoughts on Keeley's parents/childhood and why she had no prior family obligations on (Sexy) Christmas!

Similarly to Roy we only get very brief mentions of their existence in canon (and they're notably just about her mum, never her dad):

"I did used to worry I was gonna end up like my mum. She spent years tirelessly working at the same company just for a man to take all the credit. She wasn't brave enough to dream big. So I decided to do things very differently" - Keeley "We didn't open [the champagne] when your mum moved back up North" - Roy

The headcanons I've got are:

Keeley's parents are divorced and she isn't particularly close with either of them. Her mum irritates her literally every time they see one another. Her dad has a new wife and (step)kids he treats as his "real family," and Keeley is always the afterthought; she rarely sees him.

Her mum is extremely conventional and thinks Keeley needs to fit into that same box. She was appalled by Keeley's choice to do nude modeling, refused to talk to her because of it (which Keeley was thrilled by, and once her mum realized that she got even more upset and immediately started calling Keeley up again) and has never treated Keeley's modeling career as a real career.

Keeley moved out of her childhood home asap, like age 17/18 after taking her first modeling gigs. She rented a cheap flat with a bunch of other girls.

Keeley has made some of her choices in part just to spite her, whether its subconscious or not. For instance, if her mum was complaining about her first topless photoshoot, where her nipples were strategically covered by liquor bottles, Keeley made sure the next shoot she signed on for was tits out, no coverage. When her mum complained about that she did full nudes, etc.

When Keeley started working for AFC Richmond it was a backhanded "finally you have a REAL job, thank goodness" instead of "congratulations, I'm so proud of you." everything with her mother is like this

It is even worse with relationships. Her mum thinks Keeley needs to settle down, get married and have kids in that order - none of which are things Keeley has ever intended to do with her life.

her mum was thrilled when Keeley introduced her to Roy because "finally my daughter is in a serious relationship and they will give me grandkids soon" she completely dotes over Roy because of this while asking increasingly intrusive, prodding questions about the status of their relationship. Roy of course sees right through this but is trying his best to stay polite because this is Keeley's mother. The whole thing slowly infuriates Keeley until she's had enough and abruptly informs them they're leaving. this is how roykeeley have the "I never want kids" conversation very early on in their relationship

with holidays like Christmas, at first Keeley would use the other parent as the ~reason~ she couldn't be at theirs for the holiday. Like, she'd tell her mum "sorry, i told dad I'd go to his" and she'd tell her dad the opposite. of course this only works a few times before it's "why do you spend every holiday with the other parent instead of me," and which point Keeley remembered that wait, actually she doesn't give a fuck! and straight up told her mother she isn't coming because she doesn't want to and already has plans with her boyfriend/girlfriend (whoever it was at the time) 🤷‍♀️ slay queen

Keeley is out and proud and always has been, but her mum treats her being bi as another lie she's telling for attention, even though Keeley has literally brought girlfriends home to introduce to her mother before. No matter what she does, her mum maintains that Keeley is only doing it to piss her off and basically doesn't believe her or acknowledge her sexuality, which is understandably very upsetting to Keeley

Bonus ot3: Not to make everything about ot3 but I have a very distinct scene in my head where Keeley introduces Jamie and Roy as her boyfriends and her mum is forcibly polite to Jamie (whom she is meeting for the first time) but then pulls Keeley aside to be like "enough with your stunts, Keeley, how could you put Roy through this nonsense, after he took you back and all, this is how you repay him, by dating someone else?" (because 1. she's adamantly ignoring the part where Keeley told her all three of them were dating, royxjamie included and 2. she acts like Keeley obviously did something to "cause" Roy breaking up with her). Keeley for once is totally speechless and all the retorts she wants to and would usually say die in her throat and she just wants to cry because she's tired of this. Roy and Jamie overhear the conversation and Roy steps in like "okay, that's enough, we're leaving." Keeley has a breakdown in the car before they've even gotten out of the driveway and after that she basically cuts off contact for a long while with her mother, with Roy & Jamie's full support.

[rogermyreligion]

The masseuse

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Female Reader.

Summary: You're the masseuse of Roger Taylor, drummer for Queen, but things get more personal as the sessions progress.

Warnings: smut, hand jobs, unprotected sex, slight nipple play.

Word Count: 3k

You were the masseur of several drummers at this point, even athletes, you are used to that level of people, you knew how to handle your nerves, you know that you do your job in an incredible way and that is why you have that reputation.

But Roger Taylor was a thing, he has a personality that you were not used to receive in your sessions, of course you ran into very nice people, but he was a very talkative man, very charming, very polite, extremely soft-spoken. The first time he broke the ice in such a way that you felt your cheeks getting hot, but he never crossed the line in an awkward way. It was a special client.

"So, why did you stop being a model?" he asked softly, while taking off his shirt and kicking his shoes, he looked at you a little from the corner of his eye to catch your reaction.

It took you by surprise, normally your clients don't talk too much, they’d tell you a few things, they’d tell you about some pain they have, etc. You giggled while rubbing your hands with a special gel, "Alright, very funny of you,"

He chuckled, "Sorry, I know that wasn't original, I'm sure you’ve heard better ones," he slowly lay face down on the comfortable massage table, feeling your footsteps getting closer.

"Not really, let's just say I'm not used to this type of comment, not from my clients,"

He felt a slight fear in his chest, "Oh- sorry, didn't mean to offended you," he tried to raise his head to look at you apologetically.

Now you laughed loudly, "Oh no, believe me you didn't," you pushed him down again, slowly with a hand on his shoulder, "Tell me Roger, you want me to start with your lower back?" you asked gently, smiling to yourself, redirecting your attention to your work and maintaining your professionalism.

He smiled to himself too, knowing he didn't cross any line. "Yes please,"

The sessions with Roger were amusing, and of course you weren't going to lie, he was an extremely attractive man with strong magnetism, he knew how to take the conversations where he wanted and had the power to make you feel very comfortable. He could make you feel that the two of you were having a special connection even if it wasn't even happening, he was very engaging.

After the 3rd session you found out his love situation, just out of curiosity (or so you thought) It turned out that according to internet articles and newspapers he had divorced last year.

Interesting.

-

"Fuck," he groaned, "Sorry-" he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the pain.

He was sitting on the couch, both of your hands were massaging the upper part of his right arm, going to his shoulder, the warmth of the room and the smell of the vanilla candles that you had lit minutes before he entered were making him fall asleep, softening it to the maximum.

"Yeah, you're contracted, when was the last time you rehearsed with the band?" you subtly asked, squeezing his shoulder with your fingers, noticing the hardness of his muscles, he was quite stiff, more than normal actually.

"A week ago, we took a short break because we had some problems," he told you, not glad at all, "Ouch" he complained hard when you touched a specific spot.

You frowned, stopping abruptly, thinking. He almost never complained out loud, always little whimpers, grunts or sighs.

He noticed your sudden lack of movement, he shot you a glance.

It was like you were just aware of his face, he was not well, he had bags under his eyes, his face screamed that he was exhausted, not only physically, but also mentally, you could tell.

Words can lie, but the body can’t do it as well, you have learned this over the years.

"Can you lift your chin a bit for me please?" you asked gently.

He did as you said, "Like this?"

You hummed in agreement, "Now turn your head to the left, face the wall,"

He did it.

You started concentrating on the junction of his shoulder and his ear, grazing your index finger, applying a little pressure. And to your not surprise, he had such a contracture that you could even swear that it had reached his jaw.

"Roger are you okay?" That question came out more directly than you had thought.

He found your question a little unexpected but he didn't feel invaded, in fact he enjoyed the talks in the sessions, even though there wasn't much that was discussed about.

"Yes, what was that for?"

"You're not okay, sorry that im telling you this but you're so tense," you realized you were literally invading his personal space, after all you were just his masseuse, not a therapist, automatically shook your head, "Never mind, im sorry, I'm going to apply some heat packs," you quickly changed the subject, a little embarrassed.

He followed your steps with his eyes, seeing how you searched for the heat bags, and after a long silence, he sighed, "My ex is driving me nuts," he blurted out.

You stopped your searching, calming yourself down now knowing he didn’t took it in an akward way, he was speaking and liberating himself from the stress, you grabbed one of the bags and started to fill it with hot water, you didn't expect him to continue talking but he did.

"He just won't leave me alone," weariness in his voice, "It's choking,"

You walked over to the couch with the hot bag, you gave him a compassionate look and stood behind him as you were before, gently resting the bag on the side of his neck, applying just a little pressure as you felt his body melt under the heat, with your other hand you began to massage his other shoulder, your movements were so slow that they were almost hypnotizing. You felt him sigh.

He closed his eyes, "And the band is going through a difficult time," he was focused on the hand that was touching his body, "It's just a lot you know, can't sleep well," he chuckled.

"It's normal, the body stores all our emotions, if they are mismanaged they can manifest as physical pain, that's why I asked you what was going on, sometimes just saying it out loud can relax you enough," you explained, the hand that wasn't holding the bag was working behind his neck.

His head began to fall forward slowly, "You're right" he paused, "The only good thing that happened to me these last few days was coming to your sessions," he laughed tenderly.

It all started to feel so personal, you were becoming aware of the atmosphere, the heat, the sweet smell, the softness of her skin on her contracture, the tips of his blond hair touching the back of your hand, you could hear his breathing, a chill ran through your back appreciating the present moment.

Your heart stopped beating for a moment, "Really?" you said as you put the heat pack on his other shoulder.

"Yeah, it's nice here, you're nice too," he confessed.

You giggled to yourself.

"It always smells good in here, your voice is soothing," he recounted, "And your hands are bloody amazing," he laughed, “They are made of gold, such a privilege,”

And again, that kind of comments that made you blush.

With his last sentence you felt a wave of self-confidence, "Yeah, people always tell me the same thing," you joked, intertwining some fingers with the hair that rested on his neck, causing him to shiver, you leaned just a bit closer to his ear, “Vainilla the candles, if you were wondering,” your tone was no longer profesional.

You really wanted to pull that hair and kiss that neck, you could smell his shampoo, it was intoxicatingly delicious.

Suddenly you had an idea.

"So, same hour tomorrow?" you suggested, you shifted your tone abruptly enough to make him blink, putting away the heat pack and moving closer to him again.

He froze for a moment, not understanding what you were asking him, plus, he was sleepy, "Wasn't it my turn on Friday? What day is today?"

You were amused, you subtly licked your lips, "I think you could use a session with me tomorrow," you placed a hand on his cheek, "I can take care of all that tension," your thumb grazing over his dark circles under his eyes , "The stress," your thumb now finding its way to his mouth.

And just as he was about to suck it, you pulled your hand away. He was totally drugged by your movements, your voice and your words.

You smiled widely, "So, im asking again, same hour tomorrow?"

He had a dopey smile on his face, tugging his lower lip between his teeth, now his smile turned into a big smirk, "Yes, I think it is fine,"

-

It was 4:25 pm, 5 minutes left for Roger to arrive.

Meanwhile you closed the curtains and turned off the big, bright lights, you only left a dim light from a nightstand, it illuminated enough to see clearly but gave it a much more cozy touch. You also lit the same candles, the room began to fill with a delectable smell but it was not suffocating, just perfect. Next to the armchair table you left a neutral oil for massages. You made sure to postpone the sessions you had for today, you were wondering if this was a mistake, but the reality is that you are doing a favor for a client, you are going to make him feel good, that's all.

The remaining 5 minutes passed very slowly until Roger finally arrived, "Hi there," he grinned.

You analyzed him all at once, those comfortable pants he wore, marking and embracing the contour of his legs, noticing the prominent bulge between his legs, something tells you that this man was already thinking about this situation in advance and that made your heart beat with emotion.

"Come in, make yourself comfortable on the couch," you moved to the side and let him in, locking the door.

Roger came in and sat down just as you said, shifting a bit to find comfort, "Yesterday was rough, my ex-" he started to tell you but you covered his mouth with your hand behind the couch.

"Don't worry, you don't have to talk," your hand exerting pressure while your other hand was sliding to the elastic of his pants, "Not about her," you mumbled, you noticed that he didn't bring boxers, you felt a heat between your legs, "Wanna feel good Rog? wanna be good for me now?"

He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, he nodded and you moved to position yourself between his legs, kneeling in front of him.

When you started to pull his pants down he stopped you, "Kiss me" he sounded needy.

You moved towards his face and your lips crashed into his, it started slow, both mouths moved almost choreographed, he slid his hand behind your neck, increasing the pressure a bit, sinking you into his face, you parted your lips and he slipped his tongue inside, toying with yours, you could hear slight humming coming out of his mouth, it was hot, he was hungry.

You bit his lower lip, a little hard, "Fuck," he groaned, "You are beautiful," he made eye contact, his pupils wide, his blue eyes burning you, making you breath heavily.

You grabbed him with both hands, kissing him, devouring him, you broke the kiss and he almost whined in response, "Already needed?" you said rubbing the bulge of his pants.

He bucked his hips toward your hand, "All your fault," he chuckled with a groan, "Are you going to do something about it?" he caresses the back of your neck but suddenly he tugged at your hair, marking dominance, "Maybe you could put that pretty little mouth to work," his tone was serious.

You bit your lip, you lowered his pants, his cock went flat to his tummy, it was big, and you could feel it throbbing, after a few seconds of admiration you grabbed the bottle of oil, spreading a little on your hands, rubbing them.

Roger followed your every move with his gaze, wetting his lips as he watched as your hand gripped his cock, the oil was warm and it felt nice, the sensation forcing him to relax on the couch.

Your hand began to go up and down, it slipped easily, slick noises already making you wet.

"Oh," he groaned, throwing his head back, your hands quickening the movement, watching his chest going up and down.

It felt good as you massaged him slowly, brushing your thumb over his tip, a bit of precum already coming out, your other hand went to the base of his cock, squeezing a little as you listened to his chocked moans.

"Y/N-fuck," he moaned, the sensation was incredible, "Feels so good," he mumbled, digging his nails into the couch when you increased speed, he closed his eyes.

"Mhmm," you giggled, feeling empowered, "That was what I wanted, watching you relax, all blissful because you are about to cum," you said while toying with him, looking at the sight of him, his cheeks were a bit red because the heat of the room and the candles, slightly oh coming out of his mouth every second.

He’d smile at everything you said, you could tell he was enjoying it, sometimes he tried to thrust his hips against your hand to feel more pleasure, and that's when you slowed down, playing with his pleasure but not making him suffer.

You were growing impatient, feeling the tickle between your legs while you watched him enjoy, this was not on your plans but you couldn't resist much more, you suddenly stopped and he whined, "Fuck me," you blurted, unbuttoning your pants and taking them off with your panties.

His eyes lit up, a smirk quickly formed in his mouth as he watched you undress, "I wanted to fuck you the second i entered to this room the first time," he said grabbing you by your hips.

You jumped over him, straddling his hips, your hands resting behind his neck, both faces inches apart, breathing each other air, heavy gasps coming in and out. Roger gripped your hips, pushing you down so he could graze himself in order to get some relief.

You grinned, wiggling your hips over him, your pussy lips embracing his cock, the oil and your wetness lubricating and facilitating the situation down there, “Please,” he chocked a giggle, “Dont tease,” he shot you a plead look, trying to push you down.

But you resisted, chuckling, “So eager,” you kept your wiggling.

“Well, give me something else to put my attention on,” he chuckled a gasp, taking off your shirt, his eyes droping to your tits, watching your lack of bra, “Now thats what im talking about,” he cupped them with both hands, bringing one nipple to his mouth, twisting it with his tongue.

You gasped, pushing your tits out.

He glanced at you, pleased with himself, “Oh you like it?” he circled both nipples with his thumbs, watching you squirm under his touch.

You started to look for the tip of his cock, you wanted to sink down so bad.

He hummed a giggle, “Eager?” he bit your nipple softly, happy with your whining.

“Fuck Roger,” you finally found it, sinking down on his cock, “Oh- god,” you closed your eyes.

He erupted a groan so loud that you clenched around him, “Yes- please mov- move now,” he demanded, his hands returned to your hips.

You started to jump, feeling full all of sudden, your tits bouncing in front of his face, “Fuck- this is bloody amazing,” he moaned, his hands timing your jumps, eyes fixed on your tits, “Touch yourself,”

You brought your hands to your tits, squeezing so hard, “Please, Rog,”

“Let me enjoy th-this,” he moaned, grabbing the bottle of oil, spilling a little on your naked body, the warmth embracing your skin. His hands began to wander around your neck, your tits, going through your chest until they covered your entire waist and squeezing your ass. The way his hands slid easily through the oil was arousingly hot.

You tugged at his hair, trying to relieve yourself.

He found you lovely, your skin shined because of the liquid, pretty moans coming out of your throat, watching his cock appearing and disappearing. When he wanted to realize his legs were already shaking, his orgasm approaching, you were jumping frantically.

“Fuck- Y/N, im coming-“

You took him by his neck, pushing him against the couch, your other hand finding your clit, rubbing as fast as if your life depended on it, “Oh- oh, so close,”

He was gasping, biting his lip, closing his eyes as your orgasm hit you like a train. As your climax faded, your movements began to slow, returning to stillness, moaning and clenching, riding through your orgasm.

He stayed you still as you were clenching, it seemed to help him reach the peak of his pleasure, moaning and shooting his load of cum inside you, panting like an animal. “Jesus Y/N,” he chuckled, fighting for air.

You laughed, “How you feel now,” you said while you brushed some baby hairs from his forehead.

His smile was wide, “So good,” he swallowed hard, “So fucking good,”

You patted his chest, trying to get out and come back to your feet but he tugged you down again.

He looked at you, “Can we stay like this for a bit,” his soft voice touching your heart, “Feels nice,” he was drawing abstract patterns in your back.

How could you say no?

“Yeah,” you sighed contently, giving him a quick kiss and hugging him around his neck as he closed his eyes, he started to give you lazy kisses over your shoulder.

“Cup of tea after this?” you mumbled, offering.

He chuckled, “You are godsend,”

Masterlist

[thebroccolination]

So, I had a tiny epiphany tonight.

I have divorced parents with diametrically opposed approaches to maintaining relationships with their children. My father is self-absorbed, manipulative, and insecure to the degree that even though he's intelligent, funny, and interesting, all three of his adult children believe our lives are better without him. My mother, on the other hand, has never been on the outs with any of us.

I didn't want to travel back to the States for the holidays this year, because 1) it's expensive, and 2) it's always, always emotionally exhausting in some way. I was fully prepared to spend it alone or with friends, but my mother came to Ireland to spend Christmas and New Year's with me.

Then I broke my foot. But that's another story.

Anyway, tonight we were having dinner, and I showed her the newly revised pitch for the book I'm writing. She doesn't dislike fantasy, but she's more of a romance gal, so my whole motivation in showing her was more of a, "Look, Mommy, I made a drawing for the fridge," kind of thing rather than a, "Here is a book you would choose and then tell your friends about," thing.

And as casual as can be, the way she has done since I was a child, she supported me.

She said she can feel it, that this upcoming year will be the year Big Things happen, and she said, "You're gonna write the movie screenplay for your book, and I'm gonna come to the premiere."

She's always been like this.

Once, when I was in high school, I was lying on my back near her desk and I said, "Remember that short story I wrote in first grade about the wolf who eats the hunter?"

She said, "I certainly do," and opened her desk's bottom drawer, took out a manila folder, and handed the looseleaf papers to me.

I've always felt humbled by her belief in me. Possibly because my father seems to see all of his children as extensions of himself, so his emotional support is forever conditional. Hers is just…always there. Unfailing, unquestioning.

And I've apologized to my mother over and over throughout the years for not succeeding more. For not making more of the support she's given me. She always seems so confused by my guilt.

Then I realized, maybe for the first time, that her love and support aren't only not conditional, they're just…easy for her. She isn't trying to be supportive. It isn't work or effort for her to believe in her children and to tell us.

Tonight, she rattled off a stream of compliments, confident in my future in a way that I've never felt, and for once, I wasn't focused on myself, but on her. And rather than apologize to her yet again, or internally punish myself for getting praise that I don't feel like I deserve, I actually absorbed it.

I'm in my mid-thirties now, and I'm still finding all the ways my father wore down my heartstrings and tangled my brainstem. And who knows, maybe some of this insecurity didn't come from him. Life is complicated, and it can be too easy to blame everything on a bad parent.

The epiphany I had is that even when I'm complimenting my mother for not being like my father, I'm still centering him instead of her.

And that's why I want to focus more actively and more often on the good my mother has done for me. Because her words have shaped some of my favorite things about myself.

When I was four, I stood up to some classmates when they made fun of a friend for crying, and when I told my mother about it later, she said offhandedly but proudly, "You have such a strong sense of justice," and so protecting others became one of my core values. Very literally in that moment. I'd never thought of myself as someone who could protect anyone until she said it was so.

She has built the scaffolding of my life in so many ways, and I'm going to appreciate that more.

And tell her that I'm proud of her, too.

[raifuujin]

M27 Spoilers

Okay, so. My thoughts.

First off, the cousins thing. I'll be honest, I fully thought the movie was going to go with a common ancestor route instead of the more direct dad's being brothers. Obviously that didn't turn out, but considering they also brought in Okita and his face, it would have made a lot more sense to just go further back and also leave explanation for the other same-face Gosho boys that are scattered around. But I guess that wouldn't have been dramatic enough, so oh well.

I'd still probably ship KaiShin. The cousins thing really doesn't bother me when they don't even know (because nobody in this series talks about any family until it has maximum audience whammy). I see some people who are lamenting, because it makes things uncomfortable for them, and that's fair. I don't see it quite as bad as like. Leia and Luke from Star Wars, or the more personal Layton and Descole from PL, both pairs being direct siblings instead of first cousins, but plenty of people still probably view it as too close. Also, if anyone is familiar with the hiimdaisy Ace Attorney comic with Apollo and Trucy and Phoenix is supposed to tell them they're related and Does Not time it well. -finger guns- It would make a great parody comic idea for this KaiShin situation. (I might do it myself if no one else does, but would Not be soon.)

Other people bring up that Gosho mentioned much, much earlier that there was a reason Kaito and Shinichi look alike. Which I did remember, but the thing about that is. That I don't trust Gosho in the slightest. Like, did he actually plan out Yuusaku and Toichi's separated twins backstory at that time, or did he have a general idea that he'd be making them familial related somewhere in their tree? Some people truly thought Kaito and Shinichi could be the brothers, with the Kuroba's adopting for some various fandom-created reasons. Or other, far more dramatic direct relation. Could Gosho's comment have just been him making a joke that the 'reason' was him thinking about them having the same inspiration? How serious was he meant to be taken 20 years ago?

Many people saying 'of course they're related, they look exactly alike':

1) Sameface syndrome with characters goes well beyond Kaito and Shinichi. There were so many protoypes of characters, or just matching looks to character types, of course not everyone is gonna hop on the 'well duh, they must be related' train. It's nice to feel vindication for headcanoning them as family, but don't make it sound like people are stupid for being upset. There's very little to tell what's lampshading and teasing vs 'no, really, they're gonna be related to each other'.

2) The common ancestor explanation would have worked perfectly fine, and honestly, the fact that Toichi and Yuusaku are twin brothers separated through divorce who happen to both have stayed in the Tokyo area (mostly) while both being internationally famous and maintaining contact with each other and sending gifts even when one of them is publicly dead. Sounds goddamn stupid. (The brothers idea would probably have been fine and plausible, it was all that Extra that pushed it into 'okay just stop, this sounds like a load of contrived bullshit'. How did no one during the 'reveal' of that go 'um, I know this is how you want this connection to go, but can we make it sound more plausible/real?')

Because, Gosho clearly didn't plan on them being related all along. That's probably what actually bothers be about the contrived connection (since the real impact to KaiShin is relatively small). It's very obvious that he just drew his male protags for quite a few stories looking very similar. (Usually in his image, to an extent, though that's usually just mentioned for Kaito, specifically.) It was also clear that when he had Kid make a surprise appearance in DC, there really wasn't supposed to be a connection. Did he come up with it on his own? Only after people asked about it? Did he go 'you know, I might could connect the two for fun'? I don't know. I don't trust a man who created Sera's concept based on a cool female detective and wrapped her up with Akai and made the whole stupid family thing, and who changed Amuro's planned role as a bad guy on a whim because he was too cool to be bad, to have actually planned out this family connection all along.

And even with all that, there's also the issue of revealing this information in a movie. People have had arguments about movie canonicity for years, and yet this all gets mentioned for cinema shock value. I don't mind the using extra characters, or making things more action packed than the manga would allow, or even stupid things like Kidnichi 200 times. But this? This is asking for chaos. It feels like a big clusterfuck of yes, no, maybe, for how important this is going to be going forward, because we don't even know if Gosho means to make use of this info for the mangas at all, or if it's going to remain background information from a movie that may or may not even be relevant to know. Except as a wink to the audience and a middle finger to shippers, I guess.

(There are pluses to this, which is general thinking about the implications of this family dynamic and how chaotic things could actually get or how things got to be how they are already. I'd like to know what exactly Yuusaku knows about his brother's status and if his 'friend from interpol' could be used to connect to Toichi's whole. Legally died but is still alive and being an a-hole to his son by letting him go into the profession that was trying to kill him.) ((Yes, we're still gonna murder Toi, especially since his amnesia out is clearly off the table. We don't know enough about what Yuusaku knows, but I can't even say he's on thin ice because the chances of him knowing a lot about Kaito's situation is too damn high to let him off the hook.))

...Anyway, that's obviously the main drama, but side note that I'm also mad because movie being canon or not aside (I adopt movies as canon, especially newer ones, but people can also ignore them without loosing manga compliance really), the issue I have is the further blurring of MK and DC connection. At this point, it literally is just Akako being the crux of the 'are they the same universe or aren't they' argument, and it's literally never gonna get answered because Gosho refuses to even let her show up in DC for anything. You truly can argue either way when she's just not shown. And even though it won't happen, it's to a point where they feel so obviously the same universe that I hope Gosho just let's Akako do a cameo at the end of DC just to mess with people. But regardless, making MK only characters directly related to DC characters is. Maddening for that whole argument. (Sure, Toichi has appeared in DC before, however, the movie goes out of the way to add that extra 'fuck you' to the audience by revealing not just Toichi being alive and texting Yuusaku casually, but the reveal is in his fucking. Corbeau outfit. Which. Corbeau is 1000% MK only knowledge, so there's not getting around that no one would know that character unless they've read MK.)

And last note, the one other spoiler I've seen mentioned is the failed Heizuha confession and just. The reasons for failing get dumber and dumber and just add to the mess of spoilers coming from this movie. Oh no, Iori, the former government agent dude working for the rich girl love rival for Heiji's affection, dropped a flashbomb at the exact time Heiji confessed, so Kazuha never heard it. I don't think the spoilers I saw ever clarified if he was doing something and it was coincidence, or if it was intentional, but. God the fails being turned into elaborate jokes is getting. Ridiculous. I don't even care if they get together in canon, I'm not super invested in the ship, but I feel like even if I did want them to get together, there's. Literally zero hope for any build ups at this point. You can't keep leading up to it and pulling it away, people are gonna stop caring. At this point, half the people invested are just going to give an exasperated 'finally' when it happens, instead of actually being excited at this point, it's just tiring.

I hope the rest of the movie is at least entertaining. Fun action packed eye-candy fluff to help numb the stupid 'important' scenes. Spoilers might feel ick, but it's in a vacuum of reading words about scenes on their own. (Which probably won't change the Yuusaku scene at all, but Heiji's confession is. Probably an 'okay, here we go, what happens this time' thing that's better if you're already just there for entertainment.)

Edit: Someone has now basically confirmed with their own watch that the movie is fun, and the bombshell of lore is at the very end.

[zethsdumpster]

Acechiji A Whisker Away au

Prompt given by @loopyarts while talking about Ichiji + cats combo in the server, so ofc I had to run with the idea.

FIRST. BACKSTORIES.

Ace:

Roger was a bit of an absent father due to work, Rogue was the main caretaker, but she died when Ace was like 5, then he ended up in Dadan's care, with Sabo and Luffy.

Sabo was taken in by Roger because of the neglect he suffered from his bio parents, but since he was basically send to Dadan immediately Ace didn't hold anything against him.

Finally, when Ace is like, 14-16, Roger retires and returns home, with Raleigh. Since he's the legal guardian of both Ace and Sabo he takes both home, Luffy stays with Dadan, tho they're still pretty much neighbors so they see each other daily (and at school).

Ace is not happy.

Vinsmokes:

Sora and Judge divorced when the boys were like 4-5, but since Sora died when they were 8, they went back to being under Judge's care, as Zeff could not claim guardianship of the kids.

Sanji kept running away to stay with Zeff as much as possible, Judge just gave up on him, although he still scolds him from time to time, like Sanji, Reiju is mostly left ignored, as is Yonji, who learnt to keep as much to himself.

Generally speaking, they have a lot of leeway as long as they help Judge maintain his image and obey, good scores, athletic and artistic, keep the image of prodigy; and Judge also has his hands tied due to the records Sora left of abuse, having sued him previously, and winning the case, he only has the kids now cuz he's their only family left, Zeff (and everyone from the Baratie, basically) is keeping and eye on him tho.

Niji and Sanji are the ones who fight the most with Judge, Yonji and Reiju tend to keep to themselves, and Ichiji, well, he's his golden child, so extra pressure on him.

The one time he ever disobeyed his father (and was caught) was when he took Nyasha in, he convinced his siblings to help him keep the cat in secret (he had done so on his own at first) but Judge ended up finding out sooner than later, he destroyed everything Ichiji had bought the cat (along with some other Stuff that Ichiji held dear) and ended up hitting Ichiji when he jumped in to protect Nyasha from receiving Judge's violence. Reiju had to hold Niji back from jumping Judge, Sanji ran to get Zeff and Yonji went to check on Ichiji. Judge left with the threat and order "either you get rid of that thing or I'll do it myself" so they took Nyasha to Zeff, who had to be held down from going to the police ("you won't get custody, so we'll be sent to the system and separated, I rather we stay together, we just need to hang on for a little longer")

Reiju wants to take custody of her siblings once she turns 18, it will be hard but she'll be damned if she doesn't try, and well, Zeff and the Baratie staff will help and support her.

All this happens before Acechiji (ASL+1234 ) finally meet (at school).

A messy lineless sketch cuz I was running out of drawing juice

ASL & 124 meet officially thanks to Sanji getting adopted into Luffy's friend group (Reiju knew of Ace and Sabo but hadn't really interacted with them).

Ace caught Ichiji's attention before meeting though.

It doesn't take too long Acechiji to start their, lest call it courting, but it goes a snails pace because Ichiji's fears regarding Judge, which leads to a lot of mixed signals and confusion, until they finally have their little fight in the festival and Ace walks off and ends up getting the mask.

The fight being: Ichiji responds positively to his advances, not always tho, he's kind of sending mixed signals.

So they're out with their friends in the festival and, as usual, Ichiji responds positively to Ace's flirtations, to the point where Ace finally had the courage and, while they're alone on the back, ignored by the people surrounding them, Ace gives him a very brief peck on the cheek, but Ichiji responds the most negatively he has ever reacted. Suddenly very anxious (Judge may not be homophobic but he is very classist and controlling .Ichiji is worried that if Judge found out the man would just straight up send him to an abroad school or something, and Ichiji likes his life there, his siblings, Zeff and the Baratie, his friends, and well, Ace.), he covers his cheek and looks around, he scolds Ace for what he did, both blushing in embarrassment and anger.

Ace thinks that Ichiji is ashamed of him or sth, brings up the mixed signals, but Ichiji closes himself off, so Ace ends up walking off on his own, the most angry he has ever been at Ichiji, and a little heartbroken too.

That's when he meets the salesman, and puts on the mask.

Ichiji finds him because, after cooling down, he thought about everything and went to look for Ace, to maybe try and talk things out, maybe tell Ace the truth about everything, instead he finds a black kitten.

Like in the movie, Ace keeps turning into a cat to finally see all that Ichiji is hiding from him, specially since things have become awkward with Ichiji (there's some self sabotage going on on Ichiji's side and well, Ace can't simply reveal whatever little he has learnt).

Also, we will only see the mask seller twice or thrice, when he gives the mask to Ace with the time limit warning, later when he reminds him of the deal and having suggested telling Ichiji the truth and ends up taking Ace's human face as a mask, and when the time limit comes.

Nyasha takes Ace's place, he's mad at Ace and has an argument with him when Ace goes after him to get his face back ("I'll make sure to make him happy! And if I have to become you to do so, then I will! I will succeed where you failed him!") but seeing Ichiji's (and honestly all of the siblings and Baratie's) sadness and desperation at Nyasha's disappearance shows him how loved and needed he is.

The turning point of the story comes with Ace's arrival to the Vinsmoke household, seeing how they live helps Ace understand the cause of Ichiji's reluctance and mixed signals to their relationship, as well as help him grow an appreciation to his own guardians (his dad and Raleigh, after all, they do try, you know?), however is around here when the mask seller reappears and takes his face, since Ace had the brief idea that he would only be able to be with and make Ichiji happy as Spade (until the full truth of it all finally comes out and he also grows that appreciation towards his dad and his dad's boyfriend).

With the arrival of the festival, he grows desperate and goes to the other place in search of the mask seller.

Nyasha also tells Ichiji the truth and with all the changes and everything, Ichiji hardens his resolve to fight for his relationship with Ace, so he insists on going to save him. Nyasha, ofc, agrees.

They finally catch up to each other and find the mask seller to settle everything, it seems like the mask seller will let them do as they please, but he takes Ace's mask and it disappears ("But you said you needed to be 'Spade' to make him happy, didn't you? I would never let you regret turning back into a human and losing everything you have with him, leaving him on his own in that awful, awful house") the mask is hidden somewhere in the tree of life and they need to find it, there are no hints to where it could be though.

They barely managed to find it on time, but Ace is still a bit hesitant, the mask seller and Nyasha's previous words did get to him, but Ichiji finally pours his heart out to him.

They finally return together with Nyasha and everyone celebrates together, both Nyasha's reappearance and Acechiji getting together (they will help them keep their relationship secret for as long as possible).

Niji is the least happy with their union, but that's just how he is with his siblings, the mother hen.

Finally, the moment Reiju turns 18, she moves out to a place nearby that Zeff helped her get, and she both studies and works part time at the Baratie, and proceedings begin. Having saved a lot of money (and with Zeff's support, again) she gets custody of her brothers and puts a restraining order on Judge, forcing him to move to another city.

Ace also starts bonding with his dads, specially because they found out about his relationship with Ichiji and not only helped keep it secret, but also helped Reiju settle and win the court cases. They become another safe heaven for the Vinsmoke siblings.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.

Plus a little scene.

He wiggled, because he needed to. It was hot under the sweater and his face was smushed against Ichiji's chest; his hearing revealed the fast beating of the redhead's heart. So he either combusted or wiggled.

"Shh, keep still"

Ace was, once again, squished against Ichiji's body. Being hidden under Ichiji's sweater as he was, his vision was very limited, but, based on what he could make out with his hearing, they had entered a house.

"What were you doing out so late?" He heard Reiju ask.

"Homework"

"Get off his ass Reiju" he heard Yonji farther away "dad's not home tonight anyway, let the guy be"

Reiju sighed.

"And Sanji?"

"He's staying at Zeff's again" answered Niji "He should just stay there forever at this point"

"Don't say that" scolded Reiju.

"Why not?" Yonji again "He's happy there, if it were me I would take the opportunity to never return, would dad even care?"

"I don't think he would even notice" followed Niji. Someone snorted.

"So dad's not coming back tonight?"

Reiju answered "there was an accident in the lab with one of Caesar's projects so he's staying the night there to try and solve it, I doubt he'll be back tomorrow"

The sweater's zipper was pulled down to reveal a brightly lit and spacious living room. Yonji and Niji sat together on the longest sofa, notebooks open on the low table in front of them. Reiju stood behind with a mug in her hands. They all turned to Ichiji, who, firmly yet gently, held Ace in his arms.

"Oh, Ichiji, no" Reiju frowned with pity "you know dad won't allow it"

"Just for tonight"

"That's what you said last time" complained Niji, his frown mirroring Reiju's.

However, Yonji stood up, face bright, and walked to his older brother. Ace slapped the approaching hand.

Yonji cooed "So cute"

Ace purred at the feeling of Ichiji scratching the back of his ear, he looked up and found a very small smile on the redhead's face, softening his expression.

"He is, he's also very friendly"

Yonji nodded and tried to join in the scratching, but Ace caught the limb in his maw. Yonji laughed.

"Do you want to play?"

Niji groaned "Oh, come on, Yonji, don't add fuel, you know the cat can't stay"

"Maybe Zeff can take him in, at least, I want to make sure he finds a nice home"

"Zeff only took Nyasha in because we had no time to find another person to take him in and it was either that or dad would get rid of him on his own" said Reiju, leaving her mug on the low table.

"And because you literally cried and begged him for hours" added Niji.

"Sanji was the one crying" Ichiji defended himself.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. The point is, Zeff won't take in another one of your cats, not even if you, Yonji, me, Reiju or even Sanji cry and beg, that old geezer's number one priority is his restaurant"

"And Sanji" Yonji jumped in.

"Don't interrupt me, moron. So I suggest you put that back where you found it"

Ichiji clicked his tongue "mind your own business, number two"

"O-Hey-"

Ichiji walked past everyone, ignoring their calls, and took Ace to his room.

[cyclogenesis]

various life updates, all pretty heavy, not doing too great tbh

i was in fresno this weekend and while there i bought two antique cups made from "indiana glass" which looks like carnival glass but i hadn't heard of it before. actually they were 8 dollars each and grammy gave me eight dollars for one and i bought the other. so tonight i'm drinking ouzo on ice in one of these cups and there's this like, metallic silver film over it. so i was just like, am i going to die of glitter juice? and i looked up indiana glass to see if this antique shop sold me murder cups but i actually can't find this exact pattern so i think the dealer didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. it must be normal carnival glass. i swear i washed this glass before using it. why is it glittery!!!!

i was in fresno this weekend and it sucked. grammy is dying of cancer and keeps talking about being in palliative care but she can't pronounce the word palliative. she basically emotionally blackmailed me into coming so we could all go out and spend time with my mom, who i hadn't seen in a meaningful way since thanksgiving 2021 when she followed my bitch ass stepdad out the door bc he couldn't handle having a single solitary adult conversation with me. the last i had talked to my mom was when she texted thanksgiving 2023 about seeing me again (the first time she'd contacted me directly since 2021!) and i said yeah we just have to have a serious conversation first. she ghosted me after that. because she's a gigantic fucking baby on a scale i cannot even conceptualize.

'your mom really needs you right now' grammy said to me on the phone, since my mom is now in the midst of a divorce from my stepdad (the guy she chose over me, her only child! lol nailed it, good job queen). this makes sense, because i am an npc in their lives who is meant to show up when i'm told to show up, and never has meaningful needs of my own ever, and simply does not matter as a person, at all, outside of whatever they want from me at any given moment

my mom showed up on saturday and had nothing meaningful to say to me. when we were left alone she told me that my grandma sharon (stepdad's mom, who has known me since i was six years old, and unfriended me on facebook after the divorce announcement. cute!) said to tell me hi. then she told me that one of her friends from work had just had a baby. she showed me a picture of the baby. at no point in the several cumulative hours she spent with me did she ask how i was doing at all.

we all went out and had lunch. i spoke only when spoken to. nobody talked about anything important. at no point was my parents' divorce after thirty four fucking years brought up. we did a little antiquing in old town clovis until grammy got tired. we took her home. they both said how about my mom takes us both back to old town to continue shopping while grammy takes a nap. when i first lost my relationship with my mother after she fucking abandoned me what i really missed was how we'd go antiquing together. i realized that this was an extraordinarily shallow thing to base a relationship on. it's not like we bonded over our interest in old stuff, we just looked at things in the same building separately. i said sure. i found an incredibly sick 1920s evening jacket for a steal and a 70s pepsi uniform top that i'm probably going to keep. the first time my mom texted me after over a year was to say 'i'm outside. take your time.' it was like being forced to hang out with a coworker who dicked me over numerous times at work but who i had to maintain a cordial relationship with for capitalism reasons. it was like being held hostage but at least i didn't have to drive.

at the antique shop where i bought the glasses they had kittens for adoption. they'd just brought in a tiny black one with little white toes on his back feet. petting him felt like feathers, like a baby duckling. i want so badly to hear klaus meow again, and to nuzzle her soft tummy, and to hear that first little exhale purr when she realized i was close. i don't want another cat. i want my cat, but she's gone. and i just keep thinking of how i held her soft cheek in my hand when they injected her to put her to sleep because she was suffering, and how her head just got heavier in my hand. and then they took her away and i'll never get to hold her again. and i loved her. and she loved me. and these others loves in my life feel so broken and complicated and painful and now i don't even have hers anymore. i miss her. i miss her. i miss her

grammy tried to push the idea of seeing my mom again on sunday and she said 'but you don't seem enthused about that.' i said whatever you want, i'm here for you, i came here because i'm here for you. i can show up, but i'm not a good performer. she used to say 'i love you more than anything' to me but i can't do that, when i said it to her i meant it. i'm not a natural liar like she is. in the morning the pain is the worst for her and she sits on the couch whimpering until the pain meds kick in. on sunday i joined her there and tried to be comforting and asked if it was the pain and she said, crying, 'it's everything. promise me that you and your mom will be friends again. she told me yesterday she was trying.'

it's like staring into a void, finding out how little you fucking matter to somebody. it's like all the air being sucked out of the room but you still have to find something to breathe. nothing i have ever felt has ever mattered. everybody is allowed to treat me however they want and my biggest sin is acting outside of the role i've been slotted into. my mother's version of 'trying' is, i guess, driving me back to old town clovis. it's being a chauffeur. it's acting like everything is fine. she will never apologize. nobody ever has to be sorry for anything they've done to me. i am not a person whose feelings matter. i'm not anything. if my stepdad hadn't left her my mom still wouldn't need me, because she never did. i was a mistake. and now i'm a chess piece called daughter, called granddaughter, and my greatest sin is not being in my correct spot on the board, not standing right back up again when i'm knocked over. i'm my mom's only child. i'm grammy's only grandchild. it's still not enough to be a real person to them. it still just isn't enough. i try so hard, and i put up with so much, for years, and it just doesn't matter.

grammy has, at this point, more sympathy for my (ex) stepdad than she does for me. even after all this, she still finds ways to defend him. divorcing her daughter out of the blue after thirty-four years is not enough to get him out of her good graces. me saying, even once, that they hurt my feelings, ruined things irreparably. it's like, i know it's ridiculous. illogical. dumb as fuck. objectively horrible, by any measure of acceptable human behavior. but i still have to fucking deal with it, don't i? i'm trying so hard. god i'm trying SO hard, and it SUCKS, and i'm tired of being the youngest and yet somehow most emotionally mature adult in the room while still being treated like i'm a CHILD, like i'm some time bomb who's going to go off at any moment with my FEELINGS. of course everyone else gets to have feelings! not me though! god fucking forbid!

i spent the weekend trying not to be needy. to not bother anybody, even the ones closest to me. kind of had a breakdown this morning about it, one of those real spiral-y nobody to lean on my emotions are Too Much type things. which, you know, fair of me to feel that way! because of important people in my life directly causing me to feel that way! still sucks! i've done so much work to get my own mental health in order and figure my own shit out and it's very not fun that it doesn't matter when life just decides to fuck you anyway!

i'm doing my best over here and it still feels terrible. i have to be a substantially better person than everyone in my life who was supposed to teach ME how to be a better person, and jesus absolute christ it is exhausting on a scale i hardly knew existed. but what am i supposed to do? tell my dying grandmother to fuck off? speaking up for myself is pointless, nobody gives a shit. i can explain 10,000 times the extraordinarily reasonable place i'm coming from and it's like my words float past them like the breeze, completely unworthy of being listened to. i'm so tired. i'm so fucking tired.

i finally had my cardiologist appointment this morning a month and a fucking half after the abnormal ekg and the doctor was very nice but also extremely shrug emoji about an ekg with the words 'consistent with pulmonary disease' on it so i guess i am the only person who thinks words have meaning ever. time also has no meaning so i am now scheduled for another ekg and a few heart test things in january and more blood tests despite just getting a bunch drawn in november before i have a follow-up appointment in fucking february.

whatever. whatever, whatever. i don't know how i'm supposed to take anything seriously when everyone acts like nothing means anything and i'm the weird one for being like 'hey. ??????' genuinely. whatever, i guess? lmao, whatever?!?!

am i doing this right? what else am i supposed to fucking do?

[ssahotchnerr]

i just love the way you portray aaron i feel it is always so in character it turns to canon to me.

i wanted to ask you how do you think aaron's process would be to fall in love (after his divorce with haley) with someone he was close friends with since he was married. how long would it take him to admit it? what would finally push him to be close to you? would he feel guilty for falling in love with someone he met while he was with haley? ahdhakzb just aaron finding love and happiness again

(cont.) note about the falling in love after divorce with a friend ask: i also meant it in a way of... he has been in a long term relationship that ended very bad, so how long would it take him to be ready for another one?? i just feel it is so complex, you know? and he loves so deeply yet it is healthy to be alone for a while

omg first, thank you so much. that makes me so <333333

honestly, i do think it would take a while for aaron to open up his heart completely again, no matter how strong his feelings are for you.

his heart is just being pulled in so many directions, the only logical thing in his mind is to not act upon it. no matter how much time passes, he will always feel guilty for how things ended with haley, with the divorce and foyet. he feels guilty for falling in love again so quickly- he believes it's not what haley deserved. in the beginning of their relationship, he never pictured himself loving another person, he thought haley was his forever. so the feeling of loving you, is a bit foreign, if that makes sense. it's not unwanted in the slightest, but he owes it to haley to not act upon his feelings towards you - at least that's what he tells himself. he wants to, desperately, but this prolongs his attempts to keep his heart, and yours, guarded. so for a while, he loves you, so incredibly deeply, from afar- despite how badly he wants to pull you into his arms and never let go.

what happened with foyet changed everything too. beforehand, once the divorce was finalized and everything was settled, maybe it would've taken him only a few months to enter a new relationship- a year perhaps. he just needed time to come to terms with the separation, mourn a once beautiful relationship that didn't work out, maintain a new routine, and then begin to move on. but right before he was finally going to ask you out, and god he couldn't wait, foyet entered the picture and halted everything.

after haley's death, a piece of his heart is gone. the guilt is overwhelming. aaron feels as if he failed haley, so entering a new relationship just doesn't seem right and he won't enter one until he feels its right. and most importantly, jack is going to be his number one priority. first and foremost he needs to make sure his son is okay, so that adds to the overall timeline.

and he has his hesitations. not in regard of his love for you, because that will never falter and grows every day, but he views himself as damaged now. he constantly tells himself he doesn't deserve someone as amazing as yourself, and he doesn't want to fail you like he failed haley. you've been there for him since the beginning, through everything. you helped him through the divorce, being the most thoughtful friend and giving support whenever needed. you cared for him after foyet's attack- staying over at his to help with the injuries, making sure he was getting sleep, insisting that foyet would be brought to justice and that this nightmare would end, allowing jack and haley to come out of hiding. you were there, for both him and jack for the aftermath. you made sure he never felt alone, that he wasn't going through this alone.

but your routine together never changes throughout the course of everything. the two of you are always together, you're as close as close can get. in addition, you don't act upon your feelings first, because you want to give him all the time he needs. and besides, you know your person is him, so you're willing to wait, no matter how long. plus there's the fact that he might not even feel the same as you do - so you're more than happy to just be the friend he needs. as long as he's in your life, that's enough.

but what finally pushes him to you- he simply can't hold back anymore. it's a little over two years after haley has passed, so he's been in love with you already for about five years, (like s3-towards the end of s7 in regards to the cm timeline) and he's just so tired of fighting against his feelings, it's exhausting, and he wants to completely surrender himself to you. just something happens- maybe it's your smile, a look you gave him, something simple and minuscule, but he can't do anything else but grab your face and kiss you like the world depends on it. and finally, that empty place in his chest that's been there for so long, for years, finally feels full again.

[tanya-shiza]

Xuánhuā Quán // LMK OC

Yay! 🥳 Finally my young beauty's art is done! I waited for her for a long time and didn't touch my homework at all at weekends, only drawing her, because she was waiting too long for to be done.

I'm really proud of this art, because I am rarely adding shadow and even more rarely adding highlights(?), but I wanted to her look as pretty as possible!!! ☺️☺️☺️

Info:

Quan is a modest 20-year-old girl. Sadly such sweet girl was too nervous and didn't pass the most important exam in her life with the required scores. Because of this, she spent a year recovering, and then another year looking for any collage or university that would take her.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), she remembered how a guy named Xing that came to her school and advertised a university that belonged to Kutora. Back then she passed the competition, but because of the exam, she did not go to study. Quan found this university and, of course, she was accepted to study. Happy and relieved, Quan did not notice that by signing the documents she sold her soul. She found out about this much later, when Xing directly told her about it. To his surprise, she reacted completely calmly, as if it meant nothing.

Quan, despite the fact that Xing deceived her and millions other students about great studing conditions, she is always circling around him, admires and imitating him. She bought a formal blouse in the same color as his vest adn wears it everyday at university.

Quan studies quite well, despite the fact that she has been wasting time in vain for 2 years. But that's what her mother says. In fact, Quan was promoting her streamer channel.

Quan's mom is the heiress of the family business. Quan inherited such a long surname from her mother. Unfortunately, in the modern world, the flower shop suffers a lot from competition and other businesses. At the age of 6, Quan's parents divorced. According to the court, little Quan stayed with her mother, although she maintained a warmer relationship with her father.

Nowadays Quan's mother still devotes all her time only to business desperately trying to save it. She is quite She is indifferent to her daughter and does nothing but nag about study, job and social-medias. Quan's father works as a hairdresser. He is the one, who braided Quan her favorites dreadlocks. He always supports and helps his daughter. He was the one who inspired Quan to study and never give up.

Fast Facts:

Quan will be acquainted with Mei and Red Son. I mention this because my characters rarely interact with canon characters. (Time period after Season 4). Red Son will even craft her a unique suction gun 😋

Quan is a big fan of Mr. Bluewood. She follows all of his social media and watches most of the shows where he is presenter. However, this is precisely what pushes Xing away from her, because Xing has a bad relationship with his father. In the past, he also had a girlfriend, who, as it turned out later, only dated him for her father's money.

Quan likes to tie knots and knit. She tied her two belts herself.

Despite her modesty and naivety, Quan is very brave and confident. (Red son wouldn't craft her a gun if she wouldn't know how to use it 😏)

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

New Gossip Girl OCs

just updated the masterlist too, but posting a bit of information here too

(gossip girl besties I'm also very here for crossovers 👀 @the-witching-ash @manyfandomocs @ginevrastilinski-ocs @cecexwrites )

Chanel Rhodes in Got A Secret (x Tripp Vanderbilt)

Lily Van Der Woodsen’s niece / Carol Rhodes' daughter, through complicated family drama & CeCe’s interference, she comes to live with them around the debutante hall

Clara Waldorf in Scars Of Love (x Tripp Vanderbilt)

Blair's twin sister, toxic to semi-healthy Tripp ship had an affair with Tripp (he thought she was 19, she was 16, he ends things as soon as he finds out) but reconnect when she’s out of high school and begin their affair again (possible side scandal pregnancy but idk that feels like too much drama/scandal); she 100% is at a bar underage, Tripp can tell she's underage but she lies and says she's 19 because he's hot and she gives 0 fucks, they have an affair for a while until he finds out that she's actually a friend of Nate's and in high school, he ends things, they start hooking up again probably when she's 18 Maintains an image of perfection but between the divorce, her own mental health issues, whatever the fuck is going on with Tripp, and substance abuse issues, she's cracking under the pressure of everyone watching her all the time

Emerson Archibald in Heartlines

Nate's younger sister, Jenny & Eric’s age, Eric’s go-to fake girlfriend/date to things and the only person who knows he’s gay

James & Vic Locke in Oh No!

Vic is broadway & music icon and her daughter, James, is an up and coming pop starlet/broadway girlie, both very famous James just got back to New York from a tour, opening for her mom, and is going to be at Constance while she works on her next album and auditions for Broadway shows

Sawyer Archibald in Hollow Lies

Nate's half sister, The Captain had an affair and passed her off as Nate’s twin Anne won't admit that her husband had an affair so instead she claims that this girl is her daughter/she had twins, with a side of claiming that they didn't announce both at once because the girl was very sick as a newborn and they didn't wan to make an announcement in case she didn't survive (... just ripping off Aurora Anderson's backstory here)

EDIT

for organizational purposes, also adding the new plot bunny asks!

Corrine Adler in Art Deco (x Serena Van Der Woodsen)

The definition of That Bitch. Influencer before influencer culture took off, rich, hot, never misses a party unless she’s busy jetsetting to another country. Everyone wants to kiss, kill, or be her She and Serena have known each other for years, they were party girl besties before Serena went to Connecticut. No one is happier than Corrine when Serena returns, but Serena has changed and Corrine has spent a year trying not to change, and their twin flames no longer quite fit

Odette Beck in Flashing Lights ( x Blair )

Heiress, known for always having the best outfits, you can always find her on page 6 and having her style analyzed on every fashion blog, wants to work in the fashion industry but isn’t sure what specifically she wants to do bit of a spoiled princess, artistic, preppy, usually seems very put together but is known to have a wild side was always superficially besties with Blair and Serena, but she and Blair developed a much closer friendship after Serena left

Rhys Astor in National Anthem (x Blair & Serena)

Richest boy in New York; good intentions but can be out of touch with the world, has a party boy streak for sure Wants to use his money for good but not always totally aware of his privilege; very absent family, raised by nannies Plays the right sports, is in the right clubs, says the right things, knows the right people, but it was all planned and chosen for him, 0 sense of self identity Dated Blair when they were younger, the summer before high school.  Blair said I love you, he couldn’t say it back (no one had ever said it to him before, he had a bit of a freakout), Blair dumped him.  He was all set to say it to her on the first day of high school and ask for another chance, but Blair showed up dating Nate Archibald, he never fully got over her, TBD when Serena becomes part of the dynamic

[rosedhall]

can you go on a rant about how much you love Rose and debunk every single argument made against her in excruciating detail? Please? 🥺🥺🥺

Ohhh yes yes I can do this, because I am very normal about Rose Hall (lying)! I think I've probably seen the entire range of arguments of people who don't like Rose. Which, I feel the need to clarify, you're welcome to not like a character. I know Rose has a slightly derisive personality, she can be biting or aloof towards the player, she's stubborn and defensive, purposefully ignorant at times (girl why do you have beef with that 10 y/o) - which is probably not everyone's thing.

But I usually do have gripes with people who lie, misconstrue, blame, invent reasons not to like her or to paint her as irrational or 'bad' (or god forbid, abusive, cough I see you dead discord) because it all basically boils down to thinly veiled, "fandom misogyny" if you know the ilk. Which is twice as bad as normal, because her situation involves a lot of abuse that she gets criticised for not preventing or leaving correctly. Random aside, I feel strongly that if Rose was a male character, she would be viewed much more favourably, people love cold but protective paternal figures, with a soft spot for their child - this doesn't seem to extend to mothers.

OK, my screed / semi structural rambling under the cut:

Hugo & his abuse.

I don't see a ton of criticism in regards to Rose and Hugo's relationship on her part, at least in comparison to situations revolving around Jimmy. I assume because it's probably a bit too close to obvious victim blaming to do that. But I did occasionally come across the sentiment that she should've left earlier or when he first began abusing her, a thought that I assume arises from people who don't know much about how abusive relationships develop or are maintained et cetera.

Initial point: Hugo is Rose's boss! They meet after he hires her to be an assistant, and so from the very beginning she is his subordinate. He's famous - he has his own television show! He has enough money to afford a hotel! He controls her income by virtue of being the one who pays her.

After their relationship develops, and she presumably moves into the hotel, he explicitly begins to control her money ("Do not buy anything without my permission, I will not allow you to ruin my life"), therefore limiting what she can do while increasing his control over her. When stuck in the same property as your abuser, who is also your only source of income because he's your boss, it's very hard to make an escape without a strong support network, which we don't know if Rose had.

Additionally, abuse is incremental, Rose herself notes that prior to them being married that he was not abusive, or at least considerably less so. Which suggests that Hugo, plus the spirit-demon-whatever possessing him, managed to be covert enough early into their relationship.. before she finally was legally entrapped. And once in, as written above, it's pretty difficult to get out.

Divorce laws in the 1970s were also fairly shit still, the '69 reform act didn't go into effect until '71 and even then that required a couple to be separated 5 years (if only one wants the divorce) before they were legally separated. Meaning Hugo would still have easy access to Jim or Rose regardless of if she physically left or filed for divorce before then. Hugo having dual income, working with kids, owning property, being famous and so forth would absolutely put him at a legal advantage. Plus he's not above physically or verbally intimidating Rose (implied through the 301 sighting) to keep her from acting, the abuse whittles you down.

Having Jimmy.

During discussion with Maya, Rose states that "there was only one thing I could give [Hugo]", which suggests a sense of obligation and little in the way of eagerness in regards to giving birth to Jimmy. This seems to suggest that she's having Hugo's baby because he (or whatever possessing him) wants that and it's safer to keep him happy, rather than because she's keen to do so.

Hence why she seemed to have hoped that a baby would 'fix' things, a sentiment that current day Rose is acutely aware was a daft idea "I thought", etc. Oh wow character with shifting perspective, scandal.

Being too slow in killing Hugo.

Rose killing Hugo only after 2 years of Jimmy's life also gets her some shit, which I don't think is honestly warranted because she ammended it relatively quickly. In the game she does actually blame herself, which I suppose is why people go 'yeah exactly' in response to her "I should've done it sooner. I let him abuse Jimmy for too long".

I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that maybe it's normal and human for someone to be hesitant to commit a murder, especially murdering someone they once loved. Tim Follin does tend to write his characters as relatively grounded, at least in terms of their personalities, it's not as though murder is treated flippantly within the game, in fact the conceit of the story is based on the deaths of the hotel ghosts, who are granted a lot of weight or emotion. (Hugo will not be missed though).

Mayhaps, the murder was an act of desperation by an abuse victim, who had to do it as a last resort to prevent the death of her toddler. And less so a girlboss moment.

Not listening to Harvey or Bose.

I like this one (I'm being smarmy), because in order for it to make sense as a detrimental action on Rose's behalf, you have to completely disregard any or all mistakes that either Bose or Harvey make. Which .. idk. seems hypocritical, if you're holding everyone to these standards I reckon that the fellows are just as much at fault.

Bose and Harvey both believe that Jimmy is a very volatile, mentally ill boy which.. I mean they're not wrong, can't judge their perception. How do they go about remedying this, making their case? Bose gets off to a strong start until he falls victim to a horrific prank on Jimmy's part, upon which all procedure goes out the window (understandable on a character level, makes for better writing for a character to make a mistake funnily) and he chases Jimmy throughout his home without telling Rose nor Harvey (Rose knows in retrospect and laments wishing she could have stopped it and Harvey has no knowledge of it at all) with a 'prescription only medication' used to treat ALCOHOL WITHDRAWAL OR SEIZURES. This is just actual medical malpractice.

Then after Jimmy's successive accusations (one of which Rose sides with Bose on) he continues to behave impulsively and strangely (216), until he spite-hangs himself in the basement. Frankly, I don't blame Rose for taking what he says with a grain of salt, and not listening to the advice of a man who she believes molested her son.

Harvey. Harvey is Harvey idk if anyone actually needs me to make a bullet point list of all the actions he does that are stupid. But shorthand, he wrecks all of Jimmy's belongings, he locks him in a basement presumably without food for the night, then blames him for a fire that isn't actually confirmed to be Jim's fault (bc if you ask Rose you get some variation in response, since all the ghosts are different people with different perspectives, and she believes the fire was caused by faulty wiring - which it absolutely could have been because I doubt that the spirit possessing Jimmy would WANT to kill its host as a teenager before the opportunity to be passed down even arose). And Harvey wraps this stunt up nicely by chasing Jim with a loaded handgun.

Yeah man, I can see why she didn't listen to him, he's a berk - violent and aggressive. She absolutely should have seen some of what Jim did in retaliation as bad, but she has blind spots for a reason and Harvey doesn't help himself. She trusted Harvey to parent Jimmy and he became erratic and dangerous, as a victim of spousal abuse, who witnessed prior child abuse I can't blame Rose for having more distrust of the adult man with a gun than her previously abused son.

Additionally! The whole thing is futile! Jimmy's problem isn't his mental illness, it's that he's possessed! Neither Harvey nor Bose ever so much as consider this avenue and Rose only works it out after they're both dead - nothing she (or they) could have done in this era would have fixed the problem. Listening to the psychiatrist would not have helped the fact that Jimmy has a demon inside of him, in fact letting this man continually get his way in poorly planned medical malpractice would probably have exacerbated the issue. Speaking of..

Reporting Bose.

Boo, hiss, going to the appropriate authorities this time? Not killing instead? How dare you, monstrous woman! I also feel that people often gloss over the fact that Rose was the one to contact Bose in the first place, she's not ignorant to Jimmy's mental problems, as she's sometimes presented to be.

Anyway, I don't entirely understand what people expected of Rose here, her son was claiming to have been physically assaulted, then sexually assaulted after she chose to believe Bose the first time. She literally sided with Bose initially, after Jim claimed Boee beat him. She listened to him, she chose his narrative over her son's. Then Bose went rogue and did the weird shit in 216 alone.. with Jimmy, instead of asking absolutely anyone to sit in with him. I like Bose, he has a nice demeanour and seems gormlessly authentic, but sometimes he behaves in incredibly suspicious ways, that man does himself no favours.

Her son, after she trusted Bose over him, comes back after being with Bose alone, claiming to have been molested. Of course she reports it to the authorities, what did you want her to do? Ignore her child when he cried rape? If your child, who's psychiatrist had already committed medical malpractice, been accused of assault and acted thoroughly bizarre, claimed they were being sexually assaulted would you just ignore them? Obviously not, it's daft! (If she had, and Jimmy was a genuine victim, she absolutely would've got shit for NOT believing him, it's lose-lose for her.)

She went to the correct authorities to let them do their job, it is not on her to investigate all aspects of the claim personally, it's the police's.

Harvey hadn't found the scrapbook at this point and it's implied..if you actually ask Rose about these things, that she doesn't even remember being shown it, just that Harvey claimed Jimmy had made a scrapbook.

All Harvey does in way of convincing Rose (that we explicitly see) is call her son a liar, says he lies about everything, before demeaning and stropping after her - Harvey, if you pay attention to the actions he actually does rather than the retrospective stuff he tells Maya, is a stubborn, reactive git, god love him. Even Bose, who has similar thoughts on Jimmy - though much milder, is aware that Harvey has anger issues and straight up calls much of his behaviour following his own death wrong. ("Violence doesn't solve anything", he's a real philosopher).

Believing Jimmy when he said killing Harvey was self defence.

Keeping this one short because it's obvious. Harvey was an adult man, who had been spiralling for a while, armed with a loaded gun, chasing a teenage boy around the hotel. Most people, including the police in the story, would assume the child armed with a letter opener was not the aggressor in the situation.

Regardless of Harvey's comment on just threatening Jimmy to scare him out of the hotel, he evidently hadn't informed anyone of this genius play of his, including Rose.. who believed he went mad. For obvious reasons. He was being mental. Even he admits he was seeing red and not thinking right.

Not getting Jimmy mental help as an adult.

Jimmy is an adult, he can advocate and get mental health help for himself, frankly. He's possessed so lord knows how effective it would have been but you get my drift. I don't know, of the top of my head, how GPs worked in the 90s and 00s, but I'm going to assume they have similar rules to now - wherein if you're over 16, you're responsible for your own appointments and medical care.

Also... perhaps there's understandable reasons for the two people, who's last psychiatrist committed medical malpractice and (according to Jimmy himself) molestation, to have some reservations about employing another.

Additional!

Rosemary Dolores Hall nee Jones is a fictional character, her mistakes or missteps are necessary to her being interesting to learn about and talk to, because if she had metatextual vision strong enough to evade any actions that seemed right to her but were actually detrimental she would not be interesting and the story wouldn't have progressed. It's unfair and pretty telling that, for most of her detractors, Bose, Harvey and Jimmy are all allowed to make similar mistakes and they're treated as intriguing character beats (they are!) but Rose does it and gets shit for the fact.

Conclusion - GB I hate fandom. I love you Rose. explodes, night

[none-ofthisnonsense]

Hamilton eyeing grand prize; Motor racing: British Grand Prix.

The Sunday Times, 10 Jul 2005 (by Richard Rae)

The 20-year-old has won in every category in which he has raced and tells Richard Rae of his resolve to become the first black driver to compete in F1.

WHEN Lewis Hamilton says he doesn't think about it any more, you believe him.

Focus is, after all, one of the primary requirements of any driver aiming to break into F1, and the fact that Hamilton is black is irrelevant.

Occasionally, however, he gets a reminder. Such as just before the European Formula Three race in Zandvoort a month ago, when they lined all 45 drivers up for a group photograph and his was the only black face, as it has been throughout his career. Not that the other drivers have seen much of it because usually they're behind him.

Hamilton, 20, has dominated European F3 this season, winning seven of the 10 races so far. It is a remarkable record, which should give him a good chance of securing an F1 test seat, if not a race drive, next season. It would prove he's good enough; that he is also tough enough, mentally and physically, goes without saying.

Hamilton was three when his father, Anthony, an IT manager whose parents came from Trinidad, bought him a remote-controlled car; six when he first raced a kart; eight when he got the first kart of his own. "It was to give us something to do together," recalls Hamilton. "My parents were divorced when I was very young and I used to go to Dad at weekends, but we didn't have much money. The kart was about fifth-hand. But I started to win straight away."

To fund his son's obsession, Hamilton Sr took a second and even a third job; a season of karting costs tens of thousands of pounds. The Hamiltons weren't wealthy, but Lewis had talent and others recognised it. Jenson Button's father, John, who was still running a kart preparation business, was one, supplying him with free engines. Others supplied tyres or fuel. In 1995, Hamilton, racing every weekend and catching up with his schoolwork when he could, won the British Cadet Class championship.

In one respect it was the most important championship he has won, because it brought him to the attention of Ron Dennis, the owner of McLaren-Mercedes. The Woking-based team has supported his career ever since. Although the contract finishes at the end of this season, as Hamilton points out, throughout those 10 years McLaren have had the right to end the relationship at any time.

Hamilton is determined it will and he finds it hard to understand the attitude of some of his competitors in F3.

"They go wild, water-skiing, jet-skiing, and stuff like that, but I think I'm in too good a position," he says. "I've got too much to lose to mess it up now. I've come from a poor black family, I've had to work hard to give myself a shot.

There's no safety net. Don't get me wrong, others have had to work hard too, but I think I've got extra drive."

The sort of drive that helped him win both Euro F3 races at Monaco in May (the series has two races per meeting), staged before the grand prix, and with Dennis and the other F1 power-brokers watching. The first race Hamilton won easily.

Leading by two seconds, he touched a barrier overtaking a backmarker. "It was just a tap, but it bent in the wheel and wishbone a fraction, and the car was vibrating. I lost a second, but I reckoned I could hold on to the lead."

Although he did not want to risk the car over the kerbs from then on, Hamilton maintained line and speed to such effect that his ASM teammate Adrian Sutil chased too hard and went into the wall. It was a drive of real stature. If and when he secures the Euro F3 title, he believes he will be ready to move into F1. He would like to do so with McLaren -"They're perfectionists, determined to win, like me" -but is prepared to look elsewhere if necessary. The need to maintain his career momentum rules out a sideways move to a formula such as the new GP2 series.

America is an option. He shrugs off the fact that motor racing in the US is as dominated by white faces as it is here. "The way I see it, my colour is an advantage, in that it's something people talk about, but the bottom line is that it's clearly not why I'm in this position. I'm happy if other black kids see what I'm doing and realise it can be done, but that's not what motivates me; I'm doing it for me, because I want to win in F1 and because I believe I'm good enough to do that."

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: Unfinished Business (7x09)

We're back, at long last! It's been a million years!

Cons:

It's not the actress's fault, but I did find the re-casting of Jenny to be distracting. The reunion vibes, and the tension between Claire and Jenny, all that stuff - it just didn't pack the same punch because it was some random woman I'd never seen before in my life, you know?

Also, I'll wait until next week to judge, but I feel like this show is always lacking in the Ian Sr. and Jamie relationship. It makes sense that a great deal of time goes to Young Ian's reunion with his dying father, but I could have used more of Jamie and Ian together as brothers, here. A more emotionally poignant moment of return, the laird back in Lallybroch and seeing the man who maintains it for him.

I have had this complaint so many times over the years with this show, but the truth is, the voice-over stuff just does not work for me! There are times when it's less bad and times when it's more bad, but that's about it. Roger having a voice-over in this episode was distracting as fuck. I understand that it would have potentially been challenging to get across the revelation of Roger being in the wrong time without some sort of awkward statement of reality in the exposition, but they could have found a better way, I'm fairly certain.

Pros:

For all that the voice-over annoyed me, I still did like Roger's journey into the past. They really made a meal out of that moment when Roger shows up to Lallybroch. There's a knock at the door, and you think Jamie and Roger are about to be reunited, you're so relieved because now Roger is going to have his family with him on his hunt for Jemmy, and then... nope! Syke! It's such a good twist in the books and the show too. So fun to get to know Brian Fraser a little bit too, and to see young Jenny - it was easier to get on board with this different actress in the flashback.

Laoghaire is such an interesting character because her anger is motivated more by bitterness and heartbreak than by pure reason, and yet she's also not entirely wrong about Jamie screwing her over. It's funny how this character keeps turning up like a bad penny and then trying to murder Jamie right in front of our eyes, and yet you're still kind of hoping that Jamie will do right by her and make sure she's okay. The acting has a lot to do with it, I've always really liked her performance in the role. I also like that Jamie gets heated with her even when he's trying to be the reasonable one and offer his apologies. This is a story where the ex-spouses aren't going to be friendly with each other in the end, no matter that they're both in different happy relationships now. Some wounds don't heal.

What a treat to meat Joanie, and see her set off on her life as a nun! I liked her going to Jamie, her stepfather, and laying out the situation with her mother and the land she stays on. Jamie does the right honorable thing, taking care of his stepdaughter and making sure Laoghaire can marry her lover without losing her home. You hate that women are in the position to have to depend on a man doing the right thing, but you're glad knowing that this man always will do the right thing. I liked the almost girlish excitement Laoghaire displayed when she realized she was going to get everything she wanted, and how she tamped it down in front of Jamie and Claire. (Also, it is pretty ridiculous that Ned Gowan is still alive - this is a detail from the books that always made me chuckle.)

I think I mentioned in earlier reviews that Ian and Rachel's romance on this show (and also in the books if I'm being honest) isn't my favorite thing in the world. But given that she's absent in this episode, only evoked by name, I do like the role she plays in Ian's journey, here. He comes home after so many years, an entire life lived away from his place of birth. He's been married and divorced, he's lost a child. He's been adopted into, and then chosen to leave, a tribe that gave him a new cultural identity to lay alongside his Scottish origins. He's on the cusp of maybe making a new happiness with someone, only then he discovers that his father his dying.

So what does he do? He writes to Rachel to release her from any implication that she would wait for his return. He has to stay, to spend the rest of his father's life by his side. Then we get a sequence of scenes that actually did make me tear up. Jenny rips up the letter Ian wrote to Rachel, then takes him out to the family graveyard, where Ian sees that they've put a grave up for his infant daughter. They copied the Mohawk words from Ian's letter onto the grave, so it says "most beloved daughter." Jenny tells Ian that he'll have a place here to remember her and that she was on this Earth with him. And that he'll always be here at Lallybroch with them too, even if he leaves. As Jenny says, Ian's father wants him to go and live the rest of his life.

So... Ian's off with Claire back to America. The moment between father and son, when Ian comes out of the house and down the stairs, grievously ill and unsteady on his feet, the way they stare at each other and wave goodbye... god, there's something so definitive and beautiful and tragic about it. It's something that isn't really a part of our modern world in the same way. Ian Sr. doesn't have long left to live, and Ian Jr. is going very far away with no means of getting back quickly. They know they're looking at each other for the very last time, and they get the chance to say that goodbye with the full knowledge of that reality. It really tugged at my heartstrings!

Obviously because I am me, the thing that got me the most pumped about this show being back on the air is Claire getting that letter from Lord John. I always swoon when John uses first names with Jamie and with Claire, it feels like he's taking liberties in the best way. He implores her to come to Philadelphia to save his nephew Henry. I know the sequence of events that's about to be set off here, and I've got to say it's some of my favorite shit in the whole damn series. I am SO excited for the next couple of episodes - we even saw John in the "next time on," about to give Claire some bad news...... I am frothing at the mouth!

Ahem. Anyway. It was nice to be back in Lallybroch, I liked this episode quite a bit. Roger and Buck have run into Geillis, another bad penny, and we'll have to see how that goes when we check back in with them next week!

8/10

[sophiserrano]

THE BASICS.

full name: ananya saowaluk. nickname(s): meena, meen. age: twenty - seven. date of birth: august 8th. gender & pronouns: cis woman, she & her. orientation: bisexual. languages: english, thai, mandarin. occupation: model & influencer ( fashion + lifestyle ). clubs in high school: captain of the cheerleading team.

ABOUT MEENA.

trigger warnings: drug use, death.

has always been your stereotypical rich kid. the head cheerleader, prom queen and part of the "popular crowd", dating someone from the sports team, the brat. everything had to go her way and if it didn't, meena would have a completely meltdown — or at least one reminiscent of one. which was too be expected coming from a household like hers.

her mother was never around, apparently she got hitched after divorcing meen's father and completely ditched the family she'd started. and her father? he was there, but .. not at the same time. any sort of attention or time he had always went to his work and thus, leaving meena in the care of revolving nannies.

of course, resentment seemed to grow as the years went on. always picking fights with her father, acting out and doing the exact opposite of everything he asked of her. they’d fight a lot — more like she fought — and as a way to put an end to every single one of them, her father merely handed her his card; hoping a little shopping would make the problem go away. it did.. for a while, but the bitterness and anger never seemed to subside. she’s got a handful of daddy issues.

when it came to school, meena's grades were nothing above average and the only reason she actually bothered to maintain them was for the sake of cheerleading—the one and only extracurricular activity she did and enjoyed. which showed in the way she'd manage to become captain and took her role extremely seriously.

the lack of attention she got at home managed to transfer into her school life — wanting to be the center of attention in every aspect of it. she kept her social circle big by ensuring she was hanging around with the types of kids everyone wanted to befriend and tried to mimic the image of a decent human being ... but, deep down. she's far from it.

if she didn't consider you anything more than just someone she hung out with, or simply didn't like you, meena made sure that she'd take every opportunity she could to humiliate you. whether it was by gaining trust and throwing whatever information she learned right back at you ( privately or publicly ) or doing things she knows would embarrass a person, she did it. though, meena always played innocent — brushing it off as if it were an accident or because she "didn't know it was a secret".

truthfully, she's just an ugly person on the inside and she knows it. that’s why, for the most part, she tries her best to play the role of the ‘nice’ girl ( and fail miserably ) and anyone with a set of eyes can see it’s a lie. call her out and watch it instantly drop.

meena, practically having no one but herself her whole life, tends to think of only herself. wanting everything to go her way and if they don’t, it’d lead to a fight more often than not. she’s dramatic, tbh.

can very snappy, sarcastic and says things that probably come off as insensitive. plus, her inability to take anything serious seems to get her in more trouble than what it’s worth.

can handle herself in an argument, but is definitely not a fighter. she’s the type to figure out how to hurt you in other ways. a petty and sneaky queen. also can hold a grudge and will not stop being mad at someone until she feels like she’s ready to get over it—which won’t happen if the other person doesn’t say sorry to her. 

she’s got her phone out at all times. whether it’s to take videos of her day or photos of what she’s doing —meena always needs it. 

recently moved back to oregon, begrudgingly, because she's gotten so used to having daddy around to fix her issues but deep down, he's the only family she had and couldn't handle actually being alone in life. does live alone, of course, but she's not too far from her father's place.

RELATIONSHIP TO CHRIS / THE PARTY.

to everyone else, they seemed to be pretty good friends. somehow always hanging around in the same circles, laughing and goofing off but deep down .. meena didn't really care all that much for him. he was just ... there. though, that didn't mean she liked him. much to popular belief, meena couldn't stand him and would count down the minutes she could leave whenever they were together. why did she hang out with him? simply because quantity was better than quality in meena's eyes. like most of the "friends" she kept around. the night of the party, meena was off doing what everyone else was doing — drinking, getting high, laughing about all the dares. in fact.. when chris never came up from the surface, she was the very last one to stop laughing because of how serious everyone seemed to get. because of how serious the situation was. ultimately, she was the very first person to agree with keeping his death a secret between everyone involved. she had too much going for her in life and wasn't going to let this be the reason it all came crumbling down. and when everyone agreed to pretend as if it never happened, that's truly what meena did — continuing to show up, live her life and with the way she held herself, no one would've expected she'd been involved in anything. even now, if meen has to talk about the situation, it's in the most insensitive way .. as if it were something minor as opposed to someone dying.

[alectoperdita]

Random In bed with the mob details:

Mokuba went to school in London and now lives there full-time. Seto visits him every year between Christmas and New Year. It's the one annual vacation he takes.

No-fault divorce doesn't exist in Japan. Jounouchi's parents divorced by mutual agreement, and Jounouchi remaining with his dad was the leverage he used before he agreed to the divorce.

Jounouchi's mom remarried and emigrated to America about a year after the divorce. Jounouchi has not spoken to or seen either her or Shizuka since the divorce finalized. He also has no desire to ever seek them out, especially his mother.

Seto's a complete simp for Jou. It's only going to get worse as time passes. 😂

Seto and Jounouchi were each other's first gay crush. Like in most of my fics, I headcanon Seto as gay and Jounouchi as bi.

Jounouchi owns or will soon own a motorcycle. It's his baby.

Jounouchi regularly works out at a local gym that mostly has other yakuza-types as customers. He also has a punching bag hung in his apartment for when he has anxious energy to burn off. Amateur boxer.

Seto, when he remembers to maintain an exercise routine (it happens on and off depending on his case load), mostly does cardio. He has a treadmill at home that's more often collecting dust than not.

Seto is prone to ulcers. 😔

Jou and Mai knew each other from before he went to prison. She used to deal cards at the illegal casinos Jou once worked as muscle/bouncer at. She now works as a hostess/escort.

Jounouchi didn't go to or finish high school. After he ran away from the orphanage, it was not long before he fell in with the criminal underworld.

Seto speaks/reads/writes German at the C1 level, so business proficient and literate.

Jounouchi tries not to show it, but he often worries about the class and social gap between him and Seto. Tries not to let himself think of Seto as more than a friend-with-benefits. He doubts Seto would be exclusive with him (and he's wrong), but he can't help but be possessive when they're together.

Seto is intensely possessive and jealous, and he's terrible at hiding it. Does his best not to think of what other people Jounouchi might be fooling around with when he's not around (Jounouchi is not sleeping with other people but God forbid they actually communicate), but knows he can't begrudge them because they never agreed to be in a relationship.

They're both versatile. Together, though, Seto is partial to Jounouchi topping him. Jounouchi is mainly concerned with what Seto wants/likes.

During the first week after they reunited, Jounouchi constantly daydreamed about wooing Seto, such as sending him gifts (doesn't know his home address and sending flowers to the office could get awkward fast), taking him out to romantic dinners (and then breaking into a cold sweat at the thought of embarrassing himself), and making sweet love to Seto for hours. Kazuki is still teasing him about whoever's got his head in the clouds.

Seto has not jerked off this frequently in months/years since meeting Jounouchi again.