#and this goes out to everyone my askbox and dms are ALWAYS open

[the-nation-of-today]

So can we talk about the concert? Omg in nashville were so awesome. I think they did the same set list for NY. Can we talk CC's drum and trumpet solo? Or Jinxx's piano? He brought out the hat 💖💙❤️💜 or how Lonny is just precious? Or the back to back with Jinxx and Jake? Or how Andy is just I dunno I can't put it into words- seriously he's adorable but more than that.

Sorry

I just had to get it out with some one whom might understand.

Dear nonnie NEVER apologize I get it I am always here to talk nonsense about These Fucking Guys my whole blog is for talking nonsense about These Fucking Guys ‼️‼️‼️ it truly is a religious experience seeing them live like there they are!!!!!! They’re doing the things!!!!!!!! I genuinely cannot say enough about how much bvb concerts feel like home like I go to them and I’m like oh yeah THIS is where I’m meant to be

Also you are legally obligated to share any Nashville content you have 🫴 pay the toll 🫴🫴 (kidding, mostly)

[keylovesstuff]

Hiii Everyone!!!

I've been around for years now and have never introduced myself. mainly cause I just choose to vibe and enjoy the posts people share, but first time for everything. You can just call me Key, I'm 24 and I go by she/her. I enjoy a variety of stuff from manwha, manga, anime, video game franchises, and just a bunch of other animated media you name its probably buried down in my blog somewhere. Every now and then I get motivation to create fanfiction. I have only written works the Dragonball and Super Mario fandom All my works are under the "Keep Reading". My DMs and askbox here is always open if you ever want to chat I apologize in advance if I come across as a bit awkward (socializing is not a strong suit of mine) or if it takes me a minute to reply (adulting and hobbies am I right?), otherwise I'm a pretty chill person. Thats about it!

One of these days I really want to change my Penname...But I've had it for years now and I'm way too attached to it lmao.

Super Mario Fics: So a lot of these are Princess Peach centric and I'm just crafting up an origin story and some other events following the 2023 film. The links take you to the tumblr post but I have included the AO3 and FFN (for reading preferences) links either in the original post itself or in the case of my earlier stuff in the reblogs.

Lost And Found

A Learning Opportunity (2 chapters on both AO3 and FFN. They are both on the same post here)

Thoughts Over Tea

Aftermath

Finding The Balance

Little Events (Finished)

Chapter 1: The Dark

Chapter 2: A Decision

Chapter 3: The Coronation

Chapter 4: Proposals

Chapter 5: Changes

Fics Inspired by others:

Villainess Peach and Bowser Jr. (Inspired by the Player One Luigi AU created by Tiny-Prom and Casual-Derg). Please make sure to their blog's and check it out.

Dragonball Fics: The first fandom I have ever written for (and by penname you could probably tell what I read mostly) I have only shared them on FFN and AO3 until now. I was just starting to write fanfiction with the first two so they might be kinda cringe I guess but that's 16 year old me for you haha. gonna embrace the cringe by sharing it on here anyways.

Tournament Day

The Prince Before The Day ( I am never gonna finish that one or go back to it lol)

Bulla's Easter Day

Even when I started making fics I'm still not sure what goes through my mind when it comes to the title or chapter titles its literally the first thing that comes to mind and nothing after that but we will get it one day for sure.

Here's Some WIPs (that's both written and not) you guys can look forward too from me. I'll remove them and add them under the appropriate fic tags once I post them:

Uncle Yamcha fic: It is currently three chapters. The first one is him and Trunks, second is Marron, and the third one is Bra/Bulla. I really want to think of one for him and Goten but nothing has come to my mind. I just think he's more close to Krillin and Bulma where he'd interact more with their kids and I can't think of a scenario for him and Goten or what they would even talk about but maybe something will come. (I've currently sent this off to my Beta for review but lemme know if you guys want to see the un-beta'd version I have on here cause I'm really forward to sharing it)

Untitled EOZ fic following after Goku leaves the Tournament grounds to train Uub. This one sits at about 8k words (not sure exactly cause I added a bunch of notes at the end for my beta to see where my thoughts were going with it all) anyways this one focuses mainly on Trunks, Goten, Marron, Pan, and Bra as really the older kids look forward to what may lie ahead. A lot of it is just me focusing on the dynamics they have with each other. When I saw that dlc for kakorat was going to be focused on that one that really makes me want to share this one. Again let me know if you want to see that.

Based on this Ask here you can already see that I've completed 4 out of my 5 ideas so that leaves the other ones and maybe more if I think of anything else. All of these will probably be added to my Little Events fic. a few little ideas not shared here but I've thought about and have some dialoge in mind but haven't fully created yet.

I want to do something where Mario and Haru interact I just think it'll be so neat.

Maybe something where I do my take on introducing Sarasland and Princess Daisy. Probably along the lines of Peach meeting Daisy for the first time.

I need to hop on the wholesome bros. content at some point and I know I wanna try my hand with Mia and Pio as a part of it.

I think thats it for now...I'll probably add more if I think of something as having somwhere to put it down no matter how small it is can be nice to look at and push me towards getting it done.

[caracarahoney]

Check This Before Following Please!

Hello everyone! I thought it was about time I made a pinned post that goes over everything people need to know about my blog, so here we go:

- First up, I’m Bee! Pronouns she/her.

- I make art or write for all sorts of media, and I also have lots of OCs that you’ll see some content for, so keep an eye out for that! 

Rules/Reminders/Recommendations/Preferences of Mine:

- First up, my ask box is always open unless I’ve specified otherwise! Questions, prompts, and commentary are always appreciated, it makes me very happy! Keep all asks PG-13 though, and there are some topics I may not want to engage with on here. - 17+ for followers, please!

-Do not use, trace, heavily reference, or repost my art/OCs anywhere. Reblogs are fine and greatly appreciated though!

- Fanart/fanworks for my content (OCs, AUs, etc.) are also greatly appreciated, just tag and credit me so I can see it! That said, please don't alter any AUs without permission!

- DMing me is off-limits! Just use the askbox if you want to say something please! Also please don’t DM to ask to be my friend; I often don’t know how to answer and it makes me uncomfortable! 

- I’ll try to tag everything appropriately for everyone, but if I miss something, let me know nicely and I will gladly fix it.

- Some of my content is for older audiences and may contain some profanity, darker themes, etc. Highly mature content (such as fanart made for extremely mature media like The Boys or Game of Thrones-even if it’s PG on its own-, anything with lots of profanity, etc.) will be tagged #bees mature warning. Minors or followers who wish to avoid this content- PLEASE BLOCK THAT TAG! As well, some of my art or writing may contain blood, violence, or even minor gore. I will tag and post warnings for this (example: tw blood), so block any triggers you might have please! I also spoil readily.

- Any of these rules could change depending on what I’m comfortable with, so I’ll try to keep all of this updated, but in short, let’s keep everything fairly nice around here, ok? I want everyone to have the best experience possible, including me and all of you!

Thanks in advance!- Bee

[greetingsapartment]

my very very very long introduction to the welcome home fandom + set of rules

hello everyone!!!!!!

i got into welcome home a little while ago now, and i have finally gotten enough courage to put my headcanons and writing out into the world! and of course, you can request! (when the askbox is open ^_^ of course!!) i do have a few obvious or not-so-obvious rules though, as per every blog! rules below the cut :) it's long!

you CAN; ✦ ask for '(character) and reader'! it is the only thing i specialize in after all on this particular blog lolol, types of pairings that that i don't do are in my 'cannot' section, and if your idea is not there, dm me and i'll see if i can do it! :o) ✦ if you guys have anything in particular you'd like to share, i would love to hear it! i encourage it!! i like hearing everybody's ideas on things! personal headcanons, ideas or thoughts on a character or two, it's all a-okay with me! you can even ask me what i think on a character @:) ✦ ask for fluff, some light angst, hurt/comfort, go wild with it! headcanons galore!!!!!! ✦ ask more than once!

✦ just send silly stuff into my askbox LOL, try not to blow it up though!! you CANNOT;

✢ ask for NSFW, incest, or anything of the like. the first of which (NSFW), clown themself has prohibited because they're not 100% sure if they're comfortable with it yet, and the rest of it is just a blatant, heavy no. ✢ ask for anything on gore or anything TOO heavy on a dark subject. please DM me if you're curious what goes over the line, it's just that i am a person too! sorry if this disappoints!! :( ✢ ask for anything other than GN reader. sorry :( i just prefer to stick with GN as it applies to everybody who might pass by my post, and if they decide to read it, i want it to apply to them!

✢ ask for oc/character :( again, i'm sorry! there's nothing wrong with that kinda stuff, i've just never been too good at it, as i don't know much about your oc! established characters have always just been easier for me, but i could change this in the future! ✢ ask for character/character yet! it's still undecided for me as i'm not quite sure how everybody feels on some ships, as even when all some ships are completely normal, the shipping discourse is REAL across every fandom.

✢ ask for frank x reader (romantic) or eddie x reader (romantic), sorry to all frank and eddie simps out there💔just not my place! extra info i will have to update my set of rules and the characters i will write for as time goes on, as new information will inevitably come out, and my writing may be TOTALLY out of character as well! but this blog is simply for fun, and as time goes on, things will change :) and i will adapt accordingly! if i get anything wrong about the characters, please do inform me in DMs! i will resolve the issue as quickly as possible, and make an attempt to edit, or delete the posts in the worst case scenario! i do keep myself updated on them to the best of my abilities, but sometimes i will miss things! even if it is something small, do not hesitate to inform me that that character actually HATES that food, or dislikes being around that kind of weather! and please link me to the source of the info you found if possible, or try to direct me better to it! if and when i receive a request for a reader with any disability or condition, i will try to write it the best i can, even if i do not personally have it or have ever experienced anything like it. if there is anything i can do to improve on my writing with certain subjects, DM me! i will take whatever you give and do my best to include it :) please do not criticize me too heavily for my writing skills. i am still improving on it as we go along, so try to hold back on anything like that! i am not the fastest at getting requests done, but i will definitely try, and i am hoping life doesn't get too busy! if the askbox is closed, do note that it is probably because i have at least 5 or more requests in it, and i need to sort through them, and take my time! or i may just want to write for myself atm! i hope that is reasonable :) i am a HUGE julie fan, if you request for her i am more likely to leave a huge chunk bitten out of my monitor and have eaten all the key caps to my keyboard with only the letters "J U L I" and "E" left. i love writing for julie LOL 😭😭😭 that is it, from what i know! do what you will with all of this, and enjoy yourself, neighbor!!!!!

[uncharismatic-fauna]

(Image: A follower count of 10,251)

Wow! It's crazy that I've gotten this far- I never expected this blog to grow as much as it has, and I'm so glad that I get to share this experience with y'all. Finding fun facts or interesting animals to write about is always the highlight of my day, and I love reading the comments and tags people leave!

I've been thinking a bit more about what I wanted to do to celebrate this milestone. Doing a proper giveaway is kind of hard since I don't have the funds to make or send anything physical, and besides I feel like introducing gimmicky stuff like that goes against this blogs main charter of free education for everyone forever. However, I did want to do something to mark the occasion.

If you've been following me for a while, you may have seen the (very occasional) art I do; namely abstract birds. If you're new here, here's some examples:

(In order: A violet eared waxwing, an american goldfinch, and Vogelkop's Superb bird of Paradise, and a section of a ploughshare tortoise shell)

If you send me proof that you've made a donation to an organization benefiting Palestinians, I'll make an abstract of any bird--or other animal-- of your choosing. You can do whatever you want with it: post it, put it on a t-shirt, print it out and eat it!

The donation can be in any amount, and to any organization (though my recommendation is UNWRA). Likewise, you can request any living (or recently extinct) animal- so long as I can find a photo of it, it's a-okay.

If you have any questions, or you'd like to make a request, my askbox and dms are open!

(Image: a follower count of 9,904)

Can't believe I've got nearly 10,000 followers now!!! I love that that many people (and probably a fair amount of bots) love all the crazy, wonderful critters I won't shut up about.

Feels like I should do some kind of celebratory post or giveaway once I hit 10,000. Anyone got any suggestions?

[melis-writes]

💌 Currently, oneshot fanfic requests are closed.

In-fic suggestions are OPEN via my inbox for the chapters of Moth to Flame: Part II, The Other Woman, Eyes Like Stars, Blood Money and Mafia Wife.

About • FAQ • Original Work Masterlist • Fanfics Masterlist • AO3 • Masterlist of Upcoming Prompts •

Prompts/blurbs (via my askbox) are accepted for the following films/characters:

• Any character (OC or not) from any of my own fanfics.

• The Panic in Needle Park (1971): Bobby Axel.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• The Godfather (1972) & The Godfather Part II (1974): Michael Corleone, Sonny Corleone, Tom Hagen, young Vito Corleone, Connie Corleone. | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• Serpico (1973): Frank Serpico (mention of how you’d like his hair/beard too!)  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• Scarecrow (1973): Francis Lionel Delbuchi.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• Dog Day Afternoon (1975): Sonny Wortzig.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

•  Bobby Deerfield (1977): Bobby Deerfield.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• ...And Justice for All (1979): Arthur Kirkland.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• Scarface (1983): Tony Montana.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• Carlito’s Way (1993): Carlito Brigante.  | Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• Heat (1995): Vincent Hanna (x reader only). Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• The Devil’s Advocate (1997): John Milton Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts.

• American Psycho (2000): Patrick Bateman Smut prompts / Non-smut prompts / American Psycho x Moth to Flame.

📚 I'm always taking in-fic suggestions for any multi-chaptered or oneshot fanfics I'm currently working on.

📬 Requests and prompts are only taken via my ask box.

🎭 I can't promise all requests (fanfic or otherwise)/suggestions will be honored but I will consider + save all of them! I do my best to work with a variety of suggestions from you guys and will add them accordingly to chapters they fit best in. Please don't take it personally if I don't post your submission/request. I receive 20+ submissions/requests a day and my writing style keeps all of my fics canon-strict to plot and character personality. Any duplicate submissions, submissions that make me uncomfortable or submissions I'm not interested in adding to my works will not be posted. Please keep in mind while I love receiving submissions/ideas from everyone and happy to incorporate many in my works, I'm not obligated to post or use every submission submitted to me and select them per my personal preference.

📩 Prompt requests will be written/posted in order of submission and the same goes for oneshot fanfic requests (if I have them open).

✨ Please keep in mind that writing is a time consuming craft alongside the fact I'm a perfectionist. 😅 I do my best to write/post requests, prompts, and submissions with the best of my ability down to perfection, but life does get busy and in the way. This doesn’t mean I’m ignoring/neglecting them, but I refuse to rush through any writing (requested or otherwise) for the sake of just having it up and posted right away. I want to take my time to write out a perfect piece for you guys regardless of what it is. You can always send me an ask/reply or a DM to be added to a tagslist and you can follow my regular updates via the tags of the fanfics I’m working on! For general updates from me: #updates or for specific fanfic updates, search the tag with the name of the fanfic. For example: #moth to flame fic. 

⏳ Currently, my writing flow is that I write one chapter of each multi-chapter fic at a time before cycling through all of the current fics I'm writing, then I will write a new one. Because of this, chapters to all of my fics are unfortunately delayed. I do my best to write and upload as many chapters as I can for all of my works without neglecting the other chapters. While I love and appreciate my readers' enthusiasm towards specific fics that may be more popular than others, I won't be neglecting other fics by writing chapter after chapter of a popular one due to demand.

♾️ My fanfic update flow currently is: The Other Woman -> Moth to Flame: Part II -> Eyes Like Stars -> Blood Money -> Mafia Wife.

📣 Anyone requesting will get a special shout-out at the beginning of a chapter/work (unless they choose to be kept anonymous/are on anon!).

🔞 All of my fics (and original work) are 18+, smut or no smut. Explicitness ranges in many forms besides smut (like cursing, alcohol, violence, etc). By interacting with my writing and or/requesting, I assume you're 18+ and that you have read all the prementioned warnings for that fic.

What I write. ✍🏻

🖋 I write multi-chaptered fics + series fics, x reader fics, OC fics and any fics with all characters. There's no limit to what you can request/suggest for fic or prompt type!

⌛ I do keep in mind historical accuracy and stay true to canon for all characters, so all suggestions may not work in all chapters or fics.

💘 I write smut of any kind (check exceptions on "what I don't write" below). All of my writing, including steamy smut scenes are very detailed. 😚🤌🏻 I write smut for all characters in my fandoms (unless it is on the exception list).

📜 I write anything from angst, smut, emotion, dialogue, action and more! I don't have a personal preference to write either one, I love them all equally. 🥰 Prompts and fics can end on cliffhangers, angst, happy or even mysterious endings. I have no preference!

🔄 I also write cross-over fics (my fandoms only) but that's on a personal interest basis only. I don't want to write anything I'm not personally interested in/don't like. I am always accepting cross-over/AU prompts for Moth to Flame characters in any of the other accepted prompt categories. For example, Tony Montana x Victoria Ferrari is #Scarface AU. The general tag for crossover prompts is #Crossover Prompts.

📝 My personal style of writing in x reader fics focuses on "persona play", but not always. There are regular x reader fics too! This is my own concept where as the reader, you take on the persona of an OC as the fic revolves around you within the plot. Persona OC's are not explicitly (if at all) physically described; they're relatable for everyone to decide on appearances, etc! I use my persona OC’s for multi chapter/series work almost exclusively. My best known persona OC is Victoria Ferrari in “Moth to Flame”.

🤷‍♀️ At the end of the day, fiction is fiction and my plots/OCs/characters/OC personas are not written/meant to be literally "relatable" to in real life other than physical appearance the reader chooses for x reader fics. That's why it's fiction.

What I don't write. 🚫 (No exceptions).

❌ I do not write any major AU's or headcanons in fanfiction oneshots. I write canon only fanfics, however this does not apply for prompts which I would be happy to take AUs, crossovers, and headcanons!

❌ Requests & submissions are not taken for my original work/novels.

❌ Torture & torture smut.

❌ Incest.

❌Any underage characters or x readers (including children of character's/OCs).

❌ R*pe fantasy or anything similar. 

❌ Any kinks or dark themes I feel uncomfortable writing can be rejected.

❌ No specific x reader fics (outside of my "Persona OCs"). X Reader fics are for everyone to enjoy and fill in the blanks of appearance, etc. themselves!

❌ Requests can be rejected if I feel uncomfortable or uninterested in the idea, but please keep in mind it's nothing personal! 

[ennui-gt]

G/t In Space Ideas Because I Have Many:

-tiny startraveller crashes on Big planet w large ppl who don’t rly. Hav spacefaring stuff. They hav human equivalent of that basically, maybe they are humans? Who kno. Anyway they’re having a time bcos this one big guy decided to pick up their ship and is Going Somewhere with it

-beeg alien is exploring tiny world for convoy, finds tinies, is like “well um ok did I kill anyone? No? Ok good. What’s this? A bill for thousands of dollars worth of property damage that I inadvertently caused? Oop.”

-tiny ship smack into big space station, giant goes to check on this one sensor that’s been “knocked out of whack by space debris” and finds tiny ship. Tinies r very panicked, giant is mostly confused but invites them inside for tea

-de-powered, disgraced celestial gets yeeted down to Earth, local human idiot wants to adopt rando that fell into their backyard. It’s all good til celestial starts to get their abilities back and oh no they’re a hundred feet tall in the middle of a Walmart parking lot this was a terrible idea

-giant ship wanders into tiny planet’s international space waters, they are confused when they get a transmission from the nearest rock that’s not rly supposed to have any like. Intelligent life on it. So they go to check it out and oops tinies that want them dead and/or off their space rock

-Giant crew tiny captain, they r space pirates, that’s it that’s the whole idea.

-Traveling at light speed apparently shrinks ppl if u do it improperly so one planet that’s like just figuring this shit out Fucks It Up and now, when the astronauts return, they’re small and everyone is confused

-

-

-

Also uh P.S.: my askbox/dms are always open, pls feel free to chat bout g/t stuff. Doesn’t have to be just space (even though I really like space)

[laceymorganwrites]

back from hiatus: announcements and changes

hello everyone! Thank you so much for your patience while I was gone (I see we´ve grown a bit which always is amazing^^). The break really was needed and I´m glad to be back now. But since I don´t want things to stay as depressing and lonely as they have been I have made a few changes. But first:

Announcements:

- Halloween event

I have been planning this for a long time and have started writing for it in my break, I just hope I´ll be done in time. Last year I did an Inarizaki hell AU which was a lot of fun. But this year I decided to post 7 writings about a few different fandoms and characters. There will be 5 oneshots and 2 headcanon posts in the week leading up to Halloween. I will try to post daily from the 25th to the 31st of October.

- Prompt event

oh wow, I think I wanted to do this event when we reached 2k. Now we´re at 2.5k xD but hey better late than never. I collected those prompts for a few months now and the list will not only be for the event but also forever. So if after the event you want to request some of them, go ahead!! The tag will simply be: prompt list. 

The askbox for the event will be open for the whole month of October, that said, it´ll only be open for the event since I´m also working on other things and it would simply be too much otherwise. 

So, I´ll collect the prompt requests throughout October and post them in December, giving me enough time to hopefully finish them all. 

Changes:

- self ship content

I´ve been thinking about this a lot and I have been doing self ship content in the past as well but I always was scared of getting shit for it, I know some people feel uncomfortable when looking at selfship content because so do I. But it gives me comfort and I want to try it out

- finding friends

I have complained about this a lot in the past but really, this blog is so dead and I feel so lonely on here. So, I want you to know that my askbox is always open for conversation, you can tell me everything and anything, I don´t care. Same goes for dms, don´t be scared to dm me. And you can even connect with each other: just write a little bit about yourself in my askbox, like an announcement in the paper, and you´ll find someone who´s interested in being your friend^^ I would really love for this to work because it´s such a cute idea

- collabs

I want to find new writer friends again so if you write do hmu for future projects^^

- Love letters

those are just little drabbles that are based on random prompts I find, this is basically just an opportunity for me to rant about characters I love but don´t have any ideas for^^

- new fandoms

I will write for some Chainsaw Man characters^^ (Aki, Angel, Denji, Power, Quanxi, Kishibe) I am willing to try other characters too except for Makima since I absolutely hate her guts. 

I am writing for Bungo Stray Dogs again as I caught up with the manga. I won´t write for Dazai and Fyodor

Owari No Seraph is added to my fandom list as well, I´ll let you know when I catch up with the manga but I won´t write for Krul and Guren^^

I will also write for Run with the wind 

So....I haven´t finished a lot during this hiatus but that´s okay since I really needed the break. Uni is starting again soon and I´m definitely focusing more on my life now so content will be more slow now (which ultimately will be better for my mental health since I definitely overworked myself in the past). Um yeah...I´m back ?? I´ll post the prompt list for the event tomorrow, as stated above you can already start requesting things, the things I manage to finish and am inspired by will be posted in December. 

anyways~ glad to be back^^

[completeotometrash]

Stressed Out (Ikesen Kenshin)

@nad-zeta asked: Hi hi love! Eeeeep! Its been a while since ive spammed ya box🥺🥺❤❤ hehehe! I see your requests are open so i just had to jump! Low key been feeling super down lately and crushed by all the work that needs to get done....... so here i am to ask for some fluff and bunnies to ease the soul❤❤❤❤❤ hehehe could i pretty please request a mc x kenshin comfort fic🥺🥺🥺 lol one where mc has been over working to the max and needs a little break❤❤😳🥺🥺 hehehe if ya need anymore detail or inspiration feel free to dm me😳😳☺☺

Love ya lots! Sending hugs!❤

___________

Ah, Zeta! I love seeing you in my askbox so much <3<3<3. You’re the cutest. I hope you are doing ok??? You better not work yourself too hard or I’ll come over there and suffocate you with my love. D: Or perhaps I will anyways, it’s quite tempting.

Anyways, this came much softer then I intended. But I must say, I’m quite happy with it ^^. Bunny boy fluff onw~!

Word count: 1.4/5k

TW: None

Reader has she/her pronouns

Tired.

Kenshin had noticed the dark circles under her eyes, the way she began tying up her hair more instead of combing it, not changing as often. He watched as the smile on her face changed to only a meek grin, how the light in her eyes seemed to crease. Her energy was draining on the daily, her bones seemingly heavy like weights by the way she walks. He looks outside, watching as the sun begins to descend from the horizon.

To tell the truth, she had not been feeling like herself lately. There was so much to do after she properly moved to Kasugama. She had become more well-known and offered to complete more sewing commissions. It seemed as if there was never any time, and if there was, it would quickly slip from her fingers. She would find herself not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings, let alone put on a fake smile for other’s pleasure. Her eyes skim across the velvety fabric in her hands, dropping it with a defeated grunt.

Setting her needle to the side, she rubs her forehead, dragging her hand down to rub her eyes. The weight of everything was beginning to crush her, it was suffocating. She was slowly losing the passion and inspiration she once felt when making clothing. Trying to find the fun in something when it becomes overwhelmingly urgent is nearly impossible.

She had not even noticed the sound of the door opening behind her, or the footsteps that followed. Shakily she inhales, head drooping downward. Her throat is dry, her hands began to shake from the tension in them. Everything had begun to crumble out of control.

When a strong pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, she gasps with surprise. Her heart races in her chest, threatening to explode. A familiar hand traces her arm gently, bringing her a slight sense of relief. Hot breath tickles the sensitive skin on her neck, lips pressing there.

“You need a break. The sun is coming down and you’ve been working since this morning.”

Kenshin’s voice is sultry, deep. It holds so much intensity that she almost melts into her chair. She wants to lean into his touch, let him take her away so that she never sees a needle again. But her actions differ from her thoughts. Straightening her posture, she cringes at an error she notices she made in her stitching. “I will later, I messed up here; the thread will be visible when wearing if I don’t fix it.”

She can feel his glare even without seeing him. His displeasure radiates off his body in an almost radioactive way. “The stitching can be done at another time, come with me.” His command makes her grimace.

“But it can’t… I promised that it would be done by tomorrow and they’re paying me for it. If I cancel now, what does that say about me as a person? I want them to buy my clothes more in the future, they are nice people. I only need a few more hours and I’ll be finished.” She lifts her needle yet again, pulling out her previous stitches from before. She had previously decided that she wanted to start making money for herself instead of just lending some off of Kenshin is she would be living in the Sengoku.

Standing up straight himself, he turns and looks around the room. Multiple different kimonos hang around them, each made by her with high amounts of precision and skill. It had been so long since they’d been intimate with one another, this was the most he’d even talked to her all day. He kneels at her side, paying attention to her hands.

He of all people knows what it’s like to consume yourself with something. For many years, his entire life was revolved around war and training. Nothing else mattered to him. At the time it seemed ideal, but looking back at it, he knows it was all just pure misery. An unhealthy way he chose to cope.

The woman he loves needs help- it became clear to Kenshin that it was his turn to do so.

He takes her palm in his own, clasping it gently with his calloused fingers. He notices how red hers have become. He rubs them gently, and she doesn’t stop him. She feels as if she cannot, for, the relaxation that encases her body is too much to deny.

She’s missed his touch; it’s been far too long.

Without saying anything, he takes the things from her lap, setting it to the side. She cranes her neck around in circles, closing her eyes. In an instant, strong arms are reaching out from under her, lifting and pulling her against his chest. She feels a tinge of guilt for giving in, but the ever-growing exhaustion triumphs all. She wraps her arms around his neck loosely, letting him take her away.

He sets her down in a chair, and she can hear him begin to pour water into a tub. Her eyes open and watch. “Oh, Kenshin, you don’t have to-”

“I want to.”

Her eyes begin to water as he helps her slip out of her clothes. She gets in the tub, letting the water sooth her tense muscles. Kenshin joins her shortly after, pulling her close to him. They sit there in silence for a while, he washes her thoroughly, wiping away all the stress he can. His hands soothingly glide against her neck, back, and anywhere else he senses even the slightest discomfort.

And finally, she presses a kiss to her temple, resting his head against her shoulder. “What’s been going on?” His question is clear, voice deep as he whispers in her ear. She didn’t know how, but it was as if everything began pouring out of her in that moment. She could feel the hot tears stream down her cheeks, ones he wiped away with the gentlest of touches known to man as she began to explain everything.

She told him about the pressure she feels and the guilt that lingers when she thinks of disappointing everyone. How she’s started to become repulsed by the thought of sewing, and that waking up and getting out of bed has become a difficult task. At one point, her gentle cries became full on sobs, her body shaking more and more.

Kenshin only pulls her close, listening to everything she needed to say before speaking himself.

“I love you with all of my heart, ___. I’d die for you. I need you to know that you do not need to work yourself so hard to make yourself useful. You are perfect, and if anyone ever makes you feel any different, then I will need their name so that I can kill them.” The seriousness in his last statement makes her shiver.

He continues, “Please do not overwork yourself. We will get through this, together. I don’t want you being so stressed out. You deserve a break, and to never feel this way again.” Kenshin takes her chin in his hand, “I am amazed with how strong of a woman you are. You are so strong, for that matter, that you make me stronger. I want to do the same in return.”

 She is truly left speechless. Kenshin was never the verbally affectionate type- or the best with words at all, for that matter. And yet, here he is, speaking from his heart. She turns around properly, looking into his eyes. They seep with love and intensity, boring into her soul. He adores her with his entire being, as he always will. The look alone stirs a warm feeling in her chest.

His tender lips crash into her own, pressing the softest of kisses there. Her mind goes blank as she hugs him tightly.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Being lifted back to their shared bedroom, he lays her onto the futon, pushing her hair out of her face. She smiles, but this time, it’s genuine. Her mind and body feel light again, she feels as if she is unstoppable. Although, she becomes slightly confused when he walks to the other side of the room, opening the door to the garden.

Suddenly, a large flash of white, black, and brown fills her vision. Balls of fluff topple onto her freshly cleaned body. Little noses tickle her sensitive skin, a fit of giggles escaping her lips. All the small furry companions only seem to be spurred on by this, laying on top of her like a warm blanket.

Kenshin can only bring himself to smile at the scene, watching her burst into yet another hysterical fit of laughter. He decides in that moment that there is absolutely nothing better than seeing her smile, and regardless of what it would take, he would always seek to find it.

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

[rivereverglen]

God has seen fit to let me live another day...

and I'm making that everyone else's problem.

Hi! Call me River (any pronouns, adult)! I, uh, like Obey Me, maybe a little too much.

I do a little bit of everything writing-wise, from playlist posts and crackposts, to headcanons and drabbles!

Some important things I think you should know before following me:

This blog is a safe place for any other adult fans of Obey Me, regardless of race, gender identity, sexuality, or religion. I wouldn't feel comfortable with kids following me (and also OM is kind of not a game for kids anyways?), regardless of the content I make.

This blog is not open to pedoph*les, homoph*bes, rac*sts, transph*bes, sex*sts, aceph*bes, and the like. As a mixed, grey-ace transgender person, I just don't want people like that interacting with me, or with my followers.

You can check if requests are open below! I will always try to tag any potential triggers, but if you need something tagged please let me know through DMs or my askbox and I will be happy to tag it for you. I want this to be a comfortable space for everyone!

I generally write MC as gender neutral to be inclusive to as many people as possible. I really love that OM uses they/them for MC, it's one of the few otome games I've seen that goes out of its way to be more accessible to more than just people who use she/her.

I will not write scenarios involving r*pe, straight up NSF/T (though suggestive content may happen, and will be tagged), yandere content. I just don't feel comfortable writing things involving these topics, and there are plenty of other great blogs out there willing to fulfil those kinds of requests! Also, I won't be writing ANYTHING romantic with Luke, full stop (he is 12 and you can't change my mind on that).

Currently on Lesson 41!

Masterlist

Requests are closed while I set things up, but inbox is open! Come chat with me! ♥

(icon courtesy of Baydews!)

[ressyfaerie]

Hey... Hope you doing fine. I have read few of your fic, and love Kai - the merman, one

Can I ask for a fanfic ... Its always your choice to write 💜

- First of all, Sorry to distrub you!

-i'll just write it in point, or else i'll get confused and then confuse everyone.

-sorry for grammar mistake.

So here it goes

• Tyka fanfic / In university

• Tyson

- rich but hates fame *reason why his mother died*

- a playboy. Changes girlfriend faster than he does homework.

-when met his soulmate, He realised he was never into girls..

-needs attention

-' the one guy who is smooth as butter, like a criminal undercover'

• Kai

Secretly richer than tyson, has his own mafia bussiness,

-has an always crazy, supportive elder brother who is always ready to give him the family bussiness just by a word from him

- best oscar award goes to Kai Hiwatari for his superb acting of being poor and broke as hell.

- secret, mysterious and dumb for pickup line. Sometimes shy

Strawberry or maybe chocolate milk

" The one dude always done for life "

• Hilary

- used to of being blamed by Tyson's ex for their break-up

- has Crush on Michael Summers

• Kenny

- ' that one wizard dude always present when needed '

• Max

- Cute as hell

- Tyson's all time supporter

- " that one sun that bright enough to blind everyone dude "

• Ray

Been with kai in his childhood. But was separated from him in middle school.

Best in maths

Sees problem

Etc...

Ik its long 😅 .... Im extremly sorry!

And you can always change anything, if youre writing it 💜

Hey hey! LOVE the love! Thank you so much! However, I only open my askbox for fanfics from time to time (I'm very busy so I tend to open in on long weekends etc!) This time I opened it because I was bedridden and sick and needed something to do so i opened it as a surprise without warning! I only had it open till Saturday night, since its tuesday now it's been closed for a while and I'm back at work (still recovering) and am still finishing up a few fic requests!

I apologize as this seems like a GREAT prompt but I do not have the time to work on it, and must get back to my officially published stories as well!

BUT your prompt seems EERILY FAMILIAR.

BECAUSE IVE WRITTEN IT BEFORE!! 40 chapters, for your viewing pleasure. My first tyka fanfiction EVER I think you'll enjoy it! Here you are:

Also, I am finishing up what will be my last fanfiction before I mass upload all my work from the weekend to archive... it's a sequel to the vampire fic! Its REALLY GOOD and I've got carried away so I'm spending some extra time on it before I upload it.

Also for future reference, when I do open my ask box, I would prefer prompts that are a bit shorter in length as I generally have a lot of prompts and requests to get through. I tend to only spend extra time on fics that I'm very passionate about, or have talked to the person who's requesting it over DM!

Anyways, happy reading! Check out some of my other fics on archive as I guarantee you'll like what you see if you enjoy tyka! :)

[goose-books]

hello everyone! what if i came up with a fun name for my followers. as if i have a brand instead of 5-10 friends who sort of pay attention to what i’m doing here. goslings. hello goslings. wait i have an oc with the last name gosling. oh well whatever - it’s about time around here for a little status update, isn’t it?

darkling

as of this weekend, i’ve finished the first draft of darkling (trans nd specfic king lear retelling)! only seven acts and almost 200k words. sighs in overwriting.

maybe i’m still riding the high of finishing something, but i would venture to say that this first draft is better than i expected it to be. while i have a formidable list of things to edit, i doubt i’ll have to make major structural revisions… which means i’m hoping to work on said edits and open up beta reading this summer, if not sooner! (my heart says to try for spring break, but my brain says that would be terribly ambitious of me, especially after i’ve existed facedown in this book for a good three months.)

AMT

with darkling drafted, a modern tragedy, the podcast, once again becomes my first priority! (...also a shakespeare retelling. ah, well, we have a brand over here at goose-books dot gov.) more coming about this Soon. (like, within this week soon.)

the other ones

ah, the other ones. [gesturing vaguely at the WIPs piled like sleeping kittens in the corner]

look, i’ve… i’ve learned by now that i can’t really go into any new year stating that i’m going to draft X or Y. as much as i would like to… i do not control the random bursts of inspiration that pin me to my desk and make me write 200k words about my personal reinterpretation of king lear which i have only just read due to quarantine. (just an example. just off the top of my head.) i like to keep my writing goals loose; i like to allow new projects to come and go as they might!

that said, i do have tentative thoughts about my long-running WIPs. currently, TMR (high fantasy with faeries and trans kids) is sitting as a full draft from 2018 (wow). quark (magical nyc, monsters, adhd, prophecy, capitalism bad, etc) is sitting as half a draft from 2019, which i never ended up finishing (oops). and love h (butch4butchhamlet) has yet to be drafted at all.

depending on… what ends up Happening in my life in the next couple of months (this is a cryptic allusion to college application results, which affect my writing plans somewhat), i would like to pick one of these to draft this year! in the event that any of you [gestures at my mostly-nonexistent readership] have opinions / a favorite of those WIPs… [slaps the askbox invitingly]

valentine van velt (holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy) is, as always, my odd WIP out. (”i’m weird,” it says. “have you ever seen me without this stupid second person narration? that’s weird.”) i wrote a full draft of it last year and i don’t really intend to write another; for better or worse it’s a story quite embedded in a specific period in my life. that said, i am also terrified to post it publicly anywhere because of its painfully clear parallels to my real actual irl mental health journey. scream. i’ll also take opinions about this one, for the record [slaps the askbox again]

in other news, by hook or by crook* i will put that short story into the world within the next few months. i refuse to let that thing turn an entire year old rotting in its google doc.

*by acceptance to some kind of magazine/contest or by me just throwing it at this blog with confetti

in conclusion: plans! i heard of em. they’re vague, but i have them! i’m very excited to finally put some stuff into the world this year instead of just promising that i will! i hope you’re all doing well; my dms and askbox are always open! now if you will excuse me i am off to go put on hand cream.

[my-darling-boy]

I was supposed to post this on my birthday, but kept scrapping it cos I was nervous, so now I’m trying again and I’m not deleting this one :P So here it goes...

...I am a trans man. I’ve been on testosterone for 3 years.

I started HRT when I was 17 and changed over all my legal documents shortly after when I turned 18 and up until that point, it had been a very difficult road for me, namely with mental health. But since transitioning, it’s taken the weight of a lot of issues off my shoulders which had me stuck for years in a perpetually pessimistic and aggressive mindset. And now, well, I’m 21 and can safely say that old person is long gone!

I’ve always struggled to feel confident in myself, and I still do. Being proud of my homosexuality always came easy for me. Being trans however, wasn’t always so easy. But I was never inherently ashamed of it. In fact, when I came to the conclusion I was trans at 14, I felt happy. It was other people in my life who beat that excitement to the ground. My happiness quickly plummeted into a deep, suicidal depression. I lost all my friends. I was ostracised by what few allies I had. I was bullied and roped into believing so many lies about myself, objectified, sexualised, and made to feel nothing but ashamed and burdensome.

I can remember being cornered in a bathroom to prevent me from committing suicide at 15. I remember how my parents reacted, how my friends abandoned me, the bullying, and the endless nights of self harm and negativity. I was the ONLY out trans person in a school of over 2000 students, and was the only only trans person I knew for a long time.

And I know something that happened to me when I was very new to coming out tainted a lot of the good feelings I initially had about myself. I had been telling a trusted friend of mine how I didn’t know if a person could be with me because I was trans. And instead of reassuring me, she told me, “You’re right... I don’t know how anyone is ever going to love you.” And I hadn’t ever confronted that memory until today. I finally, after so many years, allowed myself to cry about the moment that had catalysed the stripping of my self confidence. I realised one horrible little memory among many had been hurting me today much more than I ever thought it had been.

...And I still live with the painful memory, as I’m sure many of you do too, that I had to go through the most crucial years of my coming out completely alone and afraid, struggling to be proud of someone everyone told me was nothing but an unlovable burden to society. Afraid if I seemed proud for just one moment, I would be abused. But I find that the older I get, the more miraculously I feel the strength to get back up or to not be struck down in the first place when I’m confronted by hatred and ignorance.

And I feel that, for me, one of the worst things I could do is to keep this part of me perpetually hidden, because I can’t imagine how many people following me are in desperate need of guidance or at least someone to talk to, to be told that they are worthy and loved. I know I have advice that I would love to give, and words to say to people who feel they need help, because it’s in my nature to always offer assistance if it’s asked of me or if I see someone hurt. It would still mean so much to me even if this message only reached 10 people, because that’s just 10 more people who have read they don’t have to feel like they’re going through things alone. I know to some people this might sound Basic but you honestly have no idea about the people who need to read posts like this.

Of course I know there are considerable times where it is still unsafe for me to come out, be it trans or gay, and there are times when I feel it’s irrelevant for me to mention it, or times when I feel I just don’t need to. But it isn’t about coming out as much as it is about purging the old fear I have that being proud of my identity is something I shouldn’t do.

I’m always saying sorry for the simplest things, terrified of being burdensome, and being trans hasn’t ever been exempt from that list of things I’ve been made to feel fear and shame for loving. But I’m a year older now. And I feel that checkpoint should begin with learning I should never have to apologise for being who I am, to feel confident in the pride I have always had in my trans identity and learn to not let others take that away from me like they had done in the past again and again. I’ve always found myself admiring people who can be comfortable in their entirety without apology. I would love to exist without feeling like I’ve disappointed someone who likes me or wants to be friends by revealing I’m trans, and even though that has happened to me countless times, I know if those people have a problem with my gender, I wouldn’t want those people in my life anyway. My worth is not determined by how negative people treat me.

I know it’s a long and difficult road sometimes, to learn to love yourself, but you should feel proud to be trans. And there might be people who try to twist that idea and scare you into thinking no one will ever love you. You might feel not that you‘re ashamed to be trans, but that you feel afraid no one will accept you as much as you accept yourself. You worry to be proud of your identity makes you undesirable or inconvenient. And I wish I would’ve had someone tell me when I was a kid that people only tell you that to break you and silence you.

So whoever is in a low place right now and needs to hear this, as I needed to hear so many birthdays before, birthdays I never thought I’d make it to:

There is NEVER any shame in feeling proud to be who you are. There are ALWAYS people who will love you and who will listen to you when you need help, and there is NO shame in feeling you need that help. Vulnerability does not equal weakness.

I know there is a time and a place for me to reveal I’m trans irl and there are questions I still have the right not to answer, but I don’t want to spend my life persistently afraid I will never find anyone, friend or lover, who will care about me. I want to have the same love for myself I have for everyone else.

So happy birthday to me, and to the 6 year old boy photographed who didn’t understand why he couldn’t spend the night at all his boy friends’ houses. But more so, to the 14 year old boy who never thought he would make it this far. I wish he would’ve believed the people who told him the best things happen when you least expect them to. Because they do.

Not only would I like to extend my help to my trans followers who need someone to talk to emotionally, but I have been through all legal document changes (that I own as a California resident at least) and have had some unexpected things happen to me on testosterone on top of the usual changes, along with having some knowledge about top surgery and insurance, so if you aren’t cis and have a legal or appropriate medical question for me regarding transitioning, I may just be able to provide some help! While I’m not always sure how good I am at these things, my askbox or DMs are always open to anyone that needs to talk or is seeking advice :)

Thank you for listening and as always, I love you all ♡

P.S. I didn’t go through all of this to have clowns in my inbox so please be respectful

[cardiacginger]

　　　. 𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩

^ [ deets: its what the people crave! ]

below the line break, you'll find 𝐦𝐮𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨 , 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 & 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 for your blog browsing convenience. feel free to check out the [ carrd ] if that's more your style ☆

⤷ follows back for @theostaltos

general blog cw // swearing, violence, toxic/unhealthy mindsets

　

　　　. 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 [1]

mun is 24, she/her, writes out of CST in tennessee.

i'm amy, tend to go by trill on the internet, whichever is easier to remember. i never bite & i live ready to 'yes and' any ideas that come my way, so please drop in my inbox/dms. i always want to plot, the wilder the better. this blog is run very casually, but i do stay mostly on-topic and tag my ooc if you'd rather just see one piece content. also, full admission, i'm a fake fan that gets op info from my wife and youtube clips, so please forgive if i make a mistake about canon. long shows and my adhd simply cannot get along, but i adore this fandom and character so i work through.

i work a high-stress full-time job and my brain doesn't always choose Focus, so expect lulls and swells in activity!

　

　　　. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 [2]

 [ 01 ]  all interactions are zero pressure! never feel obligated to message, reply, etc. i am never offended by you getting busy or stressed and not getting around to tumblr things.

 [ 02 ]  this blog is selective, but not limited to mutuals. feel free to shoot me a message / ask / meme if you want to interact! i’ll check your blog and follow if we vibe. if i’m already following you, i think you’re awesome and i actively want to rp with you, so feel free to shoot something over if i haven’t already.

 [ 03 ]  i have a busy life outside of tumblr and horrible adhd, so i have to ask for some patience for all things related to this blog. rp is for fun, not something to stress over, and i extend that understanding to myself as well as everyone i write with.

 [ 04 ]  all things nsfw and ooc will be tagged accordingly. see below for the tag list

 [ 05 ]  this goes without saying but i’ll say it anyways: no godmodding, no powerplaying, no nsfw content with or involving minors.

 [ 06 ]  multi-threads are loved and welcome! feel free to drop threads as you need, send in as many memes as you want, turn askbox replies into threads, write a bunch of starters and tag me; i’m always up for more, and will never bug you about old rps.

 [ 07 ]  i’m here for just about any ships, be them crackships, hateships, smutships, classic ships, all of them. i’m also here for every flavor of non-romantic connections. however, the right vibe isn’t always there, and i will always discuss any kind of relationship with my partner beforehand. i refuse to be pressured into shipping of any kind, and won’t push my ships on anyone.

 [ 08 ]  all threads and relationships are in parallel universes, unless otherwise noted.

 [ 09 ]  i don’t have an issue rping with multiple blogs of the same character. if i’m already writing with a law, and you’re a law, bring your law. the more the merrier!

 [ 10 ]  i’m open to rping with ocs as long as there’s a detailed page describing them. multi-muse blogs stress me out for some reason, but i’m always open to checking them out to see if they’re an exception. fandom crossovers completely depend on my familiarity with the fandom. like all things tho, shoot me a message and we’ll see!

 [ 11 ]  outside of crack threads, i tend to write multi-para response. no need to match length!

 [ 12 ]  i absolutely crave darker themes, and if i have limits for anything involving 18+ characters, the internet hasn’t found them yet. if you find one, i’ll tell you, and i’ll always respect my partners limits. that said, feel free to pitch your worst. we can be muse torture buddies ~

 [ 13 ]  i’m always open to aus, crazy setting/theme-smashes, and wild plots. i’ve usually got plenty of ideas to springboard off of, and i love co-building. you’re welcome in my inbox with or without concepts on-hand; we’ll make something!

　

　　　. 𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 [3]

 

[ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 ]

out of the c. ] // ooc posts

thread. ] // rp threads

askbox memes. ] // ideas, starters, etc that can be sent

answers. ] // askbox replies

amys art. ] // art by me

aesthetic. ] // just vibes

nsfw // sexual content

 

[ 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ]

spooky month 2022. ] // hallo posts for '22

 

Thanks for reading! ☆