#and this game is so undeniably Queer i love that for them

[kappaology]

recently downloaded reverse 1999. here's my experience so far

[blazingblorbos]

Honkai is genuinely so funny because even in the gamemode where players play as a man (for the one and only time) there’s another man that calls him shit like “dear friend” and “soulmate”.

And what the hell do you mean they were roommates in academy together???

[transmechanicus]

this is. probably a very personal question.

Is it worth it? Transitioning? In spite of it all?

Completely, utterly, and absolutely. I’m one of those ppl who knew i was trans since i was like 8. I found out when i was probably 13/14 what transgender meant, but recoiled from it because i could not imagine a world that would accept me or where i would be happy with the result. At 15 i met my first other trans person, and they became my friend and partner and the first person to ever know i was trans. Being around them, known by them, was such a colossal psychological relief and source of joy unlike anything i had known before. It made separating from them after graduation all the more excruciating to lose that one person i had trusted with that truth.

Sometime over the next two years i came out to my Mom, but nothing really changed, and i had more or less resolved to rot and die under the identity i had been born into. I let my undergrad studies chew me up, neglected all but the most necessary body maintenance, and spent every moment outside work or class buried in video games or books. At some point something snapped out of place, or perhaps back into place. I knew i didn’t want to die like this. I wanted something more for my life and my flesh than being a half dead servitor stocking yogurt. I wanted to transition, and however slowly, however long it took, that’s what i resolved to do.

It took a while. I had no real finances, no privacy, and little independence. I was coming from a white low-self-expression, high-control household. I “messed up” while base coating warhammer models one time and gave myself black nails. My dad berated me about it for days before trying to pin my hands down and sand the paint off (didn’t work, thank you automotive primer). When i was ~22 i got my ears pierced, basically the first permanent part of my transition, and i had never known as much joy as i did driving home knowing the pain was a step of permanent progress. Around this time 2019/2020 i started being out online, more vocal about being transgender as opposed to just having a relatively inexpressive fandom blog with no info beyond my name.

When i was 24, two years ago i came out to my dad, and a week later i left for grad school halfway across the country. I had an apartment all to myself, and my own source of income. I spent my spare change building up a wardrobe of new clothes that i actually liked. I got my first year of grad school done mostly without anything remarkable. Went to some queer events at my school. Found a partner. Got loved to bits for a while. Re-came out to my parents over the summer, and this time it stuck. Started HRT that fall, 2023. Came out to my classmates and coworkers and was rewarded with support and acceptance. Lost the partner. Devastated. Resolve to get even hotter and cooler. Smash out 3 piercings and a tattoo inside a week. Develop personal fashion sense. Attend research conference. Get better at makeup. Go to some concerts. Increase HRT. Tiddy Arc. Buy bra with a supportive bestie. Start weekly therapy. Increase HRT. Cosplay at a major convention. Schedule another tattoo. More HRT. Bra no longer optional. Present day. Tattoo on Wednesday. 90% of progress packed into the last year or so. Undeniably hotter, happier, and more self-expressive than anything in the last 24 years prior.

Transitioning is more than worth it, it brings me so much relief and joy every day no matter how shitty my day is otherwise, and while i have known doubt, i have never for an instant known regret.

There is still time🖤🏳️‍⚧️💕

[pitchsidestories]

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare II Ali Krieger x Mewis!Reader

masterlist I word count: 2599

The heat of the day was gone, and it started to cool down in New Jersey. The breeze made you shiver, so did the words of Ali Krieger with whom you had a love affair for the past weeks: “Y/n, you’re 13 years younger than me and I just go through a separation from my wife.” “Ali.”, you tried to soothe her doubting face. Sadness lay in the eyes of the defender while she was looking at you: “I can’t do that.” “But you kissed me first and you said that it meant something to you.”, the hurt in your voice was undeniable.

Regret was shimmering through her words: “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re way too young for me.” “I’m not that young, Ali.”, you interjected. Eyerolling Ali countered: “You’re 26.” “Yes, which makes me an adult.”, you protested. Softly the older woman replied:” I know you’re.”

This didn’t change the fact that you were 13 years younger than her, this much you both knew.  The defender made very clear that it was time to end the thing whatever you two had going on before anyone could get too hurt. So, you decided:” I should go.”

Meanwhile Ali’s daughter Sloane was standing right behind you and interrupted your talk, with big eyes she pleaded:” Don’t go, you promised me a good night story.” “No, she’s right. She should go.”, the dark-haired woman declared. The toddler looked disappointed at her mother: ”But-“ “It’s okay, Sloane. Maybe, we’ll do that another time in the future.” , you reassuringly hugged the little girl.

Audibly Ali cleared her throat: “Goodbye, I hope I’ll see you soon.” “We play in the same team, so I guess we can’t avoid seeing each other.”, you reminded her. Nervously the older woman went through her hair with one hand: “Yes, sure.” “Bye.”, you waved at them. “Goodbye.”

Were those tears shimmering in her beautiful brown eyes? But weren’t you the one who was allowed to grieve the possibility of what you two could have become when she ended it? Confused you left the home of the woman who broke your heart.

A worried Sloane looked up to her mother:” Why do you look so sad, momma?” “I’m not. I just have a hard decision to make. But it’s bad time for you now.”, Ali tried to shrug it off. “No.”, the toddler whined. “Yes, come on.”, the defender’s lips curled up into a tired smile as she knew all too well that her daughter would be soon asleep by the time her small head hit her pillow.

“Ali! Lynn! Doesn’t my little sister look super hot in this outfit?“, Kristie Mewis yelled a week later at Gothams next NWSL game. It has become kind of a ritual that the players took pictures of their outfits before the games for social media. You stood in front of the camera, rolling your eyes at your older sister; “Kristie, stop it.“ “Just admit that I picked it out for you!“, she protested with a laugh. You objected, frowning; “I picked it out. You just lend me the clothes!“ “I picked it out!“, Kristie insisted again. You could easily forget that she was the older one. “Whoever did it, I’m sure every queer woman would be happy to unpack her.“, Lynn interrupted your discussion with a wink.

Ali who stood next to her, waiting for her turn to be photographed, said flatly; “What’s there to unpack? She’s barely wearing anything.“ You could feel your cheeks heat with anger. Before you could answer, Kristie looked at the defender; “Don’t be mean, Ali. It’s a cute fit.“ She gave you a proud smile while Ali shrugged; “It’s true, Kristie.“ Your sister deliberately ignored her negative comments and walked up to you; “Come here. Let’s take some sister photos together to send to Sammy.“ “Sammy will pout forever about the fact that she wasn’t included in this picture.“, you reminded Kristie and immediately smiled at the thought of your other sister who currently played in Kansas. Kristie grinned into the camera; “Let’s be honest, she probably would have ruined it.“ “Still, you know her.“ “Yes, I do.“, she rolled her eyes.

You had taken a quick selfie with Kristie too and texted it to Sam. Now you held up your phone in Kristies face; “Told you. She’s already pouting in her text messages. We need to send her a good snack for when she’s doing her next podcast episode to make up for it.“ “Trust me, she’ll survive.“, Kristie replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. Lynn nodded in agreement; “Yeah, she’s already busy with other things. Sammy will forget about that photo by tomorrow.“ As her podcast partner, Lynn always knew what Sam was up to. “Yeah, you two are probably right.“, you shrugged but sent your sister in Kansas a heart emoji anyway. “We are. Believe us.“, Kristie winked.

After the match Ali was standing next to your locker, arms crossed in front of her chest: “Where do you think you’re going with this outfit?” “I’m going out.”, you shrugged with your shoulders. Although her reaction fuelled your anger. She did not have a right to react jealous. Curiously she asked: “Out? With whom?” “Oh, just with Kristie and some other teammates.”, you replied nonchalantly.

Bitterly the defender answered:” Go and have fun then.” Innocently smiling Kristie intervened: “Isn’t Ashlyn looking after your kids tonight? Come on, Ali. You should join us.” “I don’t think Ali is interested in partying with us.”, you told her. Much to both of your surprise the captain of the team replied:” You know what? Why not? I got nothing else to do.” “Great, this is going to be so much fun.”, your older sister chirmed. A small smile lightened up Alis whole face: “I’m sure it will be.” “We’ll see about that.”, you whispered frustrated.

The club Kristie chose was new and trendy and settled in Manhattan. The music was good, and you and your teammates enjoyed the night out. A stranger came up to you: “Hi, can I get you a drink?” She looked pretty and you could not help but to nod along: “Sure.” “No.”, Ali interrupted the talk between the two of you. “No? I think I can decide that on my own.”, you huffed. Determined the defender shook her head: “No, you can’t.” With these words she took your hand and walked off with you.

Furiously you glanced at her: “Seriously, what the fuck Ali?” “What? It’s impolite. You’re out with us.”, she pointed out. Annoyed with her actions you scoffed: We both know that’s not why you did it.” “Maybe not. But that doesn’t matter. The others don’t have to know.”, Ali admitted.  “Don’t worry, Kristie doesn’t know with whom I spent my summer.”, you disclosed. The mentioning of your older sister made the dark-haired woman smile in amusement:” “Kristie doesn’t seem to be bothered anyway. She’s on the phone with her girlfriend.” “And where are Kelley and Lynn?”, you couldn’t help but to ask. While Ali took you on to the dance floor without asking you: “At the bar.” “Oh.”

“Come on. You should have some fun.”, she smirked. As you were starting to move to the music you wanted to know from her:” Are you enjoying your parenting free night?” “I do.”, with that said you could feel her hands placed around your hips. You tried to keep your tone light: “That’s great.” “But I do miss them.”, the older woman answered. A sigh escaped your lips:“I miss them too to be honest.” “They miss you too.” Surprised you looked at her:”Really?” “Sure. You’ve met them quite a few times.”, Ali replied while her fingers touched your naked skin which made you shiver. Secretly you hated that your body still reacted to her like this.

Apparently, she had also noticed your reaction because she quickly pulled her hand away. “Yes, that’s true.“, you replied, trying to ignore what had just happened. Ali furrowed her eyebrows, looking at you intently; “Are you okay?“ “Yes, I’m fine… I think I’ll go home now.“, you explained, turning away from her. “Already?“ “Yes. Good night, Ali.“

You took your bag and were about to leave when you suddenly felt her hand close around your wrist. “Let me bring you home. Your sister obviously isn’t going to.“, Ali decided rather than offered. You followed her gaze to Kristie, who stood off to the side with her phone pressed to her ear and giggled about something her girlfriend must have said. “We should not interrupt her when she’s talking to her girlfriend.“, you had to admit. Ali finally let go of your hand; “I’m sure the others will make sure that she gets home safe. But now let me take you home.“

Your brain was constantly screaming at you while you accepted the offer and followed Ali to her car. The car ride was unusually silent but you were half expecting the awkwardness already. When the car stopped in front of your apartment building, you realized that Ali had gotten out of the car to open the passenger door for you. You gave her a tight smile; “Thanks for bringing me home.“ “You’re welcome.“, she answered politely. While pulling the keys out of your bag, you noticed that Ali hasn’t moved.

With a sigh, you turned to her, finally asking you the question that was bothering you the whole night; “Ali… did you already find someone new?“ The defender seemed taken aback by the question; “No. I’m not looking for someone right now.“ “I see.“ “It’s all a bit much right now. I thought I’d focus on myself and my children. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?“, Ali continued. You shook your head, your lips pressed together tightly; “No. I think I’ll focus on my career right now.“ “That sounds… reasonable.“ “I know.“ You were just about to turn the keys and unlock the door when Ali spoke up again; “You know I’m sorry, right? I didn’t think when we started this. Or else I wouldn’t have put us both through this mess.“ “So you regret us?“, you asked, your voice a pitch higher than you wanted it to be. “That’s not what I said.“, Ali retorted defensively.

You heaved a long sigh; “I guess it’ll be easier when the season ends.“ “Yes. I think it will be. That gives us more space.“, the defender agreed. “Right and we’ll never have to see each other again.“ Ali rolled her eyes at your remark; “You know, you can be a bit dramatic sometimes?“ “To be fair, I learned from the best. Kristie and you.“, you laughed involuntarily. “I’m not dramatic! Your sister is!“, Ali protested with a wide grin. “Yeah, she’s a little bit more drama.“

For a second, everything felt like the break-up never happened but then Alis’ face turned serious again; “See. I’m sure you’ll be alright. You’re an amazing soccer player, smart and pretty, and you have your two sister who always got your back. You don’t need me.“

“Ali, you know that’s not true. I do need you.”, you disagreed. Her expression was unchanged as she answered: “No, you don’t.” “I still don’t care about the age gap. I thought you should know that. Good night, Ali.”, you smiled disappointed. “I do know that. Good night.”

Yet she still did not move so you asked the defender:” Ali, why are you still standing here?” “What? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.”, Ali blushed. “Thinking about what?” “Mistakes.”, the older woman truthfully replied. Sharply you shot back: “Well, I think you made very clear that we were a mistake.” “No. But apparently think that if you keep accusing me of saying that.”, she shook her head. You could feel your cheek turn red:” Sorry.” “ I don’t think this was a mistake. What was a mistake was the fact that I didn’t think about it before starting something with you. That would have saved us the trouble.”, Ali summed it up. Slowly you nodded:”Right.”

“But now I’m wondering if it’s a mistake to let you go.”, the defender cautiously looked into your eyes. The words left your mouth before you could think more deeply about them: “Don’t let go.” This said she closed the gap between you and pressed her lips onto yours while you replied to her kiss with an equally passion, running your hands through her dark long hair. All the emotions finally making their way out as you embraced each other. Needless to say, Ali did not leave that night.

After your now girlfriends last game where was a big party being held in her honour. All her friends were there to celebrate her long soccer career. Proudly you kissed her which made Kristie gasp out loud: “Oh. My. God!”

“Why are you yelling, Kristie?”, your other sister Sam Mewis asked amused because she was well versed in the older sibling’s talent to make everything super dramatic as if you were part of a reality show. “Our little sister is making out with Ali!”, the blonde shouted into her ear. Unimpressed the taller woman looked at her:” And?” “And seriously?!”, Kristie repeated playfully shocked.

That made Sam laugh out loud: “Yes?” “Why aren’t you freaking out about this?”, the smaller midfielder wanted to know. “Should I?” “Well, they look happy, right?”, the older sister observed as she glanced at Ali and you. Giggling the middle sibling remarked: “I don’t know. They’re about to eat each other up.”

Kristie grimaced in disgust; “Ew, gross.“ “As if you and were any better with your girlfriend.“, Megan Rapinoe interrupted the sisters, giving Kristie a smirk. Sam gasped with widened eyes, happy about the mutual understanding between her and Megan; “Don’t even get me started! You can’t even have a normal conversation without them making out!“

“Let’s try it with this new couple, shall we?“, Megans wife asked, a challenging look on their face. But before she could her plan to action, Ali took her lips off of yours for a second and yelled; “We’re busy here!“ “Get a room!“, Kristie answered. You eyed your sister with scepticism; “Coming from you?“ “Don’t talk to me in this tone, young lady.“, Kristie warned, playfully raising her finger at you. You cringed; “You’re my older sister, not my mum.“

Ali got up, taking your hand in hers; “Let’s leave, love.“ “Please.“, you answered, looking at your sisters with feigned disdain. “Bye, guys.“, Ali waved while gently leading you outside. Kristie watched you with her mouth open; “You can’t just abduct my sister.“ “This is consensual.“, you clarified with a laugh. “This better be!“, Kristie yelled after you. You smiled at her and Sam, waving them goodbye; “See you tomorrow.“ “Or not.“, Kristie added. Sam snorted; “Probably not.“ “Girls!“, you called. But Ali nudged you with her shoulder, giving you a wink; “They are not wrong though.“ “Go.“, Sam rolled her eyes, gesturing for you to finally leave. Sue smiled as she watched you two; “Seems like we don’t have to worry about Ali being bored after her retirement from soccer.“ “I was never worried about that.“, Megan replied, amused.

Kristie in the meantime had taken a step away from the group and was holding her phone to her ear. “Kristie, what are you doing?“, Sam asked. “Uhm, telling mum the news?“, her sister answered, looking at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sam shook her head at her; “Oh my god, Kristie. That’s exactly why I’m mums favorite.“

[thomas-jefferson-miku-binder]

Queer League of Legends Champions (with explanations) - Part II

Check out Part I

Confirmed Pansexuals – Twisted Fate

Twisted Fate was always speculated to be part of the LGBTQ+ community due to his, uh, flamboyancy. The sentiment that he felt something more for Graves was always there, portrayed in their stories through regret, friendship, and loyalty. The Boys and Bombolini color story officially confirmed him as queer, making TFGraves the faces of Pride 2022. This year, he was also seen with the pansexual flag in official pride art, with Riot finally labeling him. It's worth noticing a cute detail (that I doubt was intentional) where his card deck's colors form the colors of his flag!

Confirmed Queers – Ahri, Ekko, Evelynn, Ezreal, Kayn, Nidalee, Renata Glasc, Samira, Taric, Udyr

Ok, this is a long category. Here we have every champion we know for sure is queer, either through external confirmation (Ekko, Ezreal, Kayn, Renata Glasc, Taric), in-game dialogue (Nidalee, Samira, Udyr), or basic lore (Ahri, Evelynn). Let's start with the first group.

Throughout the first half of 2020, Riot released multiple chapters of a Pulsifire color story focused on Ezreal. It explored his relationships with numerous champions of the universe, but especially Ekko. The subtext was strong in this one, and the writer later took to Twitter to talk about how tough it was to have queer stories be censored when working for IPs, not so subtly mentioning Ezreal and Ekko after doing so. Even though Riot might not have agreed with making the Ezko relationship undeniably romantic, their love for one another is still an important part of the story, not to mention that it was the creator's intended vision to begin with. 

Renata Glasc was confirmed as sapphic by one of her creators when sharing concept art of her design. Checking the link to the original post, they seem to have deleted the excerpt that mentions it, but people took screenshots before they edited it, most likely because of Riot. Taric, on the other hand, has been speculated to be queer since forever, although the motives are not that pure. Many people saw this hairless, beautiful man that likes jewels and was like, "Huh, that sounds kinda gay," which was the common dudebro mentality of the fandom at the time of his release that caused a lot of homophobia within the player base (more than usual). They weren't wrong, seeing as Riot did include Taric in official 2023 pride art, but he was not seen wearing or holding any flags. After all, it would make sense that he likes everything—and everyone—beautiful. But either way, both Taric and Renata are non-specified queers.

Shieda Kayn is a weirder case. I thought a lot about whether I should even include him in this category at all. There are many accounts of people affirming one of Kayn's writers pictured him as having fluid sexuality, but since then, wherever it was posted, it's gone now. I do believe it since we can still find Reddit threads on the subject, but the original source is nowhere to be found. I still decided to put him here, but take it with a grain of salt.

Moving on to our next category, we have Nidalee, Samira, and Udyr. Samira flirts more than once with Elegant Edge in Legends of Runeterra, and her attraction for her is not subtle. As far as I'm aware, she's never expressed interest in men, but we can't say for sure whether she's bi, pan, or gay. Nidalee and Udyr have had speculated romantic interests in other champions for a while now. Nidalee with Neeko, Udyr with Lee Sin. Nidalee and Neeko's story was first portrayed as one-sided, with Neeko rejected by her friend, prompting them to part ways. On the other hand, the addition of both champions to Legends of Runeterra explored their relationship once again, with the two reuniting and Nidalee finally realizing she did love Neeko and simply didn't know how to deal with it all those years ago. A love song, Shine On, even accompanied the update, which narrates their story beautifully. They have many romantic voice lines now, both in LoR and League.

With Udyr's rework, people started realizing he digs Lee Sin through voice lines expressing how he misses his "old friend" and that he's "loved twice, left twice" (which applies to his relationship with Lee Sin). Besides, his design includes memorabilia he exchanged with Lee Sin when they parted ways. It is also important to mention he's had a wife before, so he swings both ways. I think the context gives more than enough clues for us to safely say Udyr is queer. 

Ahri and Evelynn are spirits/demons that prey on their victims (regardless of gender) through charm and seduction. Ahri is essentially a succubus, and Evelynn is the Demon of Agony, with desire and lust being important parts of their characters. It is also worth noting that Evelynn is genderfluid/agender, taking the form of anyone (or anything) that might lure her victims. So their lore essentially confirms them as not straight and not cis (on Evelynn's case, at least).

[witch-and-her-witcher]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going! Thank you to everyone who tagged me and have had me in their inspo sections, I adore each and every one of you!

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

518,691 (hoping to add another 3-4k to this before midnight hehe)

I CANNOT drop that number without thanking the fucking dream team who has read EVERY SINGLE PUBLISHED WORD of mine: @popjunkie42 and @climbthemountain2020. From cheerleading, to pumping the breaks when my run ons be running, I appreciate the ever-loving hell out of both of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Honorable mention betas who hold up that number: @cauldronblssd, @wilde-knight, @thesistersarcheron, and @rosanna-writer. I truly appreciate every one of you babes and your critical, brilliant eyes on my self indulgent streams of thought.

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

21! 13 of those were one shots.

If I can be real, I have two multi-chapter WIPs sitting in my docs, but it felt too irresponsible to post those once I started getting buried in grad school.

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Heading into the new year, I have 2 in progress fics: Ruin Me for the Fourth Wing fandom and Who's Gonna Know You Like Me? for ACOTAR.

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

Any of my poly fics! I really have to thank @acourtofladydeath for her beautiful brain child @polyacotarweek for getting me into the poly mind set. Although I only wrote throuples for that week (and since aside from the background Nesta/Eris/Azriel/Cassian in Who's Gonna Know You Like Me?), I am interested in writing more complex poly pairings in 2025.

I also can't leave out @yanny-77, @copperfirebird and @hockeyspiral23 for supporting the violaiden obsession! I adore writing the three of them together so so much and it's so fun to have others to share the brain rot with!

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I had never done a true canon rewrite before dripping in gold! It was so so fun taking an in text scene and making it queer as hell.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

It's undeniable that A Court of Chaos and Darkness's reception took me by surprise. From the moment I couldn't shake the concept of the fic to the over one hundred kudos it received before I took it off of anon. But even more so, the absolute comfort blanket this fic was as I wrote it was shocking. Something in the healing occurring, in the recognition of the complexity of parenting and the messiness of the parent/child relationship really struck me.

The fic @revenge??? I love you filthy azris lovers. This was an outlet for some of my dating app blunders and shenanigans and you all really said "serve."

And then there's my first omegaverse fic and the first of it's kind in the Fourth Wing ao3 tag (when it was posted, I believe there's several more now!): so what now? The Fourth Wing fandom has been warm as hell and so inviting to me, but you have all really embraced me bringing weird into the tags and I just can't thank you enough as I gape at the stats.

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Either of my sapphic fics: dripping in gold (genderbent feysand) and lunch. (morlain ft the mommy kink tag!)

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

There are so, so many talented artists that inspire me! @thrumugnyr, @copypastus , @queercontrarian and @lucychanart have been my muses for all things Tamlin. @climbthemountain2020 and @wilde-knight are triple threats and their art brings me such joy! There's also @dustjacketdraws that always has primo Cassian and Nesta vibes!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

There are SO many. First and foremost, my babe @popjunkie42. I love you, my muse. Something about reading your writing and just chatting with you inspires all of my ideas to flow. @asnowfern is another muse and writer I can always turn to for inspiration, we were just recalling her Turning Darkness Into Light elucien spooktober fic that tickles my imagination so much among her other works!

I'm inspired and impressed endlessly by @climbthemountain2020 ability to flawlessly produce well developed, gorgeously vivid stories.

@highlordofkrypton, @missfckingfortune and @beesays inspire me constantly with their raw talent and skill and for the first two, the hot and steamy smut they can turn out. @jules-writes-stories inspires me with her OC work and beautifully layered plots (Mithras, my toxic love.) @c-e-d-dreamer inspires me with her fun AU worlds, but also with her fearlessness to tackle toxic relationships - @secret-third-thing is in this same boat as well as @iftheshoef1tz, @foundress0fnothing, and of course the OGs @thesistersarcheron, @whisperingmidnights, @separatist-apologist and @the-lonelybarricade.

There are so many more of you. I love this community and the inspiration that flows all around your creative, galaxy brained minds.

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

SO many, but those I haven't mentioned yet who are so so talented (but not limited to this list): @dusk-muse, @chairofchaos, @shadowsandlint, @xxvalkyriesxx, @fourteentrout, and @littedidyouknow.

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

None this year, but the idea is fun!

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Could You Love Me While I Hate Myself is my proudest accomplishment this year by far. I always told myself I couldn't: write OCs, write a longfic, or write a fic that would ever break the UNBELIEVABLE stats this fic has done. I proved myself wrong on every front.

Thank you so much to @asnowfern, @popjunkie42 and @wilde-knight for seeing me through this capstone fic and for believing in me and helping me see myself in a totally different light.

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Be as silly and self-indulgent as possible.

If you have a killer idea/dialogue line/etc - WRITE IT DOWN. YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER IT LATER.

14. What is your advice?

Surround yourself with people who make you feel like you can accomplish anything and you will never fail because there they will be, gassing you up flop or not.

I love you, harem. Writing is so fun BECAUSE of you. <3

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

Continuing to eat, serve and let the haters drown in it.

[cosmic-giraffe]

PLEASE make that post about reducing hasemura and hirojima down to just their ships im desperate to see people complain about this please i hate it so much

Ask anon, and you shall receive

First of all, I touched on this issue a few weeks ago, as you can read here, so I'll try and explain my thought process better! Secondly, this less of a complaint, and more of a study in fandom etiquette and the like.

I think people narrowing down the characters of Ken, Kazutoshi, Ojima and Hiroaki to their respective ships isn't an issue solely in the Tetro fandom, or Danganronpa as a whole. It's an issue in any media that includes queer ships, or ships in general (which is literally any media ever). As a gay person, I'll be speaking from my experience with this problem in fandom.

First of all, Hasemura. Both Ken and Kazutoshi are very interesting characters on their own, and their chemistry is undeniable. I'm a sucker for these two; for somebody as shy and socially awkward as Ken to befriend a brooding, jaded guy like Kazutoshi makes for some very fun and insightful interactions. Their contrasting lives and personalities are one of the draws for their dynamic. There was obviously something going on between the two of them, even if they never got the chance to vocalize or even understand the feelings they had. But this will-they-won't-they aspect of their dynamic isn't all that's to them.

Kazutoshi was a very depressed individual. He'd faced many hardships in his life, from losing his family at a young age to his myriad of health issues, to his mental illnesses resulting in multiple failed suicide attempts. But outside of his trauma, Kazutoshi was a very smart person. He was a forensic crime scene cleaner for God's sake, which definitely isn't an easy profession, mentally or physically. He wanted to study, he wanted to move past his hardships and flourish, he wanted to live. Just like everybody else in the killing game. But Kazutoshi was a total asshole, which I love. He didn't hold his tongue and kept people at arm's length out of fear of being hurt again.

Ken is the inverse of that. He has a supportive family, he has wealth, he has a support system in place. He might not be the loudest personality in the room, and he might stumble over his words more often than he can get a full sentence out, but Ken is a very kind and considerate individual.

For people to reduce all the intricacies and nuance of their characters and writing to their ship is doing them both a huge disservice. There's so much more to them than that. It's so much more interesting to view Kazutoshi and Ken's potential for a relationship as a small piece in the puzzle of their lives, instead of it being all-encompassing.

Going back to Kazutoshi, it is very sad to see the main takeaway from his death being "He never got to tell Ken that he loved him!" Which, yes, is undeniably tragic. In media, there's a sad trope called "Bury your gays", in which gay characters are killed off before they can ever have a happy ending.

I'm definitely not accusing Von of this, as Danganronpa has plenty of queer characters that die off (Chihiro, Mondo, Taka, Ibuki, Nagito, Tenko, etc.). But for people to look over all the missed opportunities Kazutoshi will never get the chance to experience because of his brutal death in favour of making his loss about Ken again is not the best look.

Now, onto Ojima and Hiroaki, because BOY do I have thoughts about these two, mainly Hiroaki (the little shit he is, I love him so much lmao).

These two suffer the same issue as Hasemura, that being all their characterization being boiled down to their shipping potential. Which isn't unsurprising, as they're two skinny pale twinks in an anime art style, which is like crack for teenage fujoshis lmao

But on a serious note, Ojima and Nakamigawa are more similar to each other than Ken and Kazutoshi are. Both have tense relationships with their families and their reputation, both have unresolved trauma, and both of them have an interest and career in the arts.

But that's where they differ. Ojima is an illustrator, and has a very intense crunchtime to navigate under in his profession. The stress of having to create art for countless projects definitely has its toll on him, but he still retains the passion that got him into this sector in the first place. Ojima doesn't have a bombastic personality, but he is stern when he needs to be, and is definitely one of the more mature students in the killing game. His bouts of disassociation are also an integral aspect of his character, and they are intermittent and uncomfortable.

And Hiroaki is one of the most annoying students ever and I love him. He's crass, pompous, has an irritating holier-than-thou attitude to anybody he deems to be beneath him, and can't take what he dishes out. He constantly picks fights and insults people, and then acts surprised when nobody wants to be around him. But underneath all that veneer of flashy designer clothes and bad boy image, Hiroaki is a very insecure boy that needs somebody to reel him in and let him know that being open, honest, and in touch with his feelings isn't at all a bad thing to be. He's shown his more sensitive side when he thinks Ojima is dissociating, when Tsuno was upset and she sought comfort from him out of all the other students in the school, and when he helped Hama and Wada grieve the loss of Isono, Chiba and Harada.

Hiroaki has the capability to grow and become a better person, and due to recent events, he is starting to do so. I hope he stays on this path and doesn't backtrack when things get tough.

Now, onto their dynamic. Ojima and Hiroaki obviously contrast and compliment each other well. This is all thanks to Von's writing. When Hiroaki shoots his mouth off, it's almost always Ojima that reels him in. When Ojima is in one of his lapses, it's usually Hiroaki who keeps him company by simply staying in the room, drawing, while he patiently waits for him to come back. They share dorm rooms to the point they're basically one room, they share clothes, they even share beds sometimes. The chemistry between them is undeniable, and that's why they're such a good pairing.

But what irks me is when people make their personalities completely revolve around the other. Hiroaki this, Ojima that, Hiroaki this, Ojima that. No mention of their interesting dynamics with other students, like how Ojima and Wada bonded over their respective histories with trauma, nor how Hiroaki and Tsuno confide their problems in each other so as to not burden anybody else with them (I'll take any opportunity to bring up Tsuno lmao).

And this is never more prevalent with Hiroaki's coming out scene.

It doesn't take a genius to know that being closeted is a very stressful time in a queer person's life. It's hiding a huge aspect of your life for fear of being judged by outsiders, or from being judged by yourself. That's why some people never come out of their closet, and are unable to accept and be their true selves. Which happens all too often.

Hiroaki's internalized homophobia kept him closeted for years of his life, which definitely wouldn't have helped his self-image issues. Being thrust into the public eye as the Ultimate Fashion Designer definitely wouldn't have helped, either, as now he had thousands of eyes on him. Due to this pressure, he played up his bad boy image by dating and sleeping with girls he had no attachment to, just to cover up for his own crippling insecurities and inability to accept himself.

When Hiroaki does come out of the closet for the very first time, when he finally accepts an aspect of his life he'd been repressing for years, he says it to Yanagi. Not Ojima. Yanagi. Yanagi, the guy who almost sold them all down the river during the first trial when he covered up for Sasaki (who they also both had very differing views on). Yanagi, the guy who beat the shit out of him and broke his nose, dislodged his tooth, and bruised up the face that he'd kept in immaculate condition for the public constantly watching his every move.

Out of all the people in the killing game, Hiroaki told Yanagi, and it was excellent writing for that to be the case. There was no judgement, no criticism, just acceptance, which is what Hiroaki has been seeking his entire life. But was forced to wear a costume that wasn't really him, just to avoid the pain of rejection or judgement.

And for some people to take this monumental step in Hiroaki's journey of self-acceptance and make it all about Ojima is INSANELY insulting. It's obvious that Hiroaki has feelings for Ojima, which definitely added to the mounting pressure of him being closeted, but in that moment, it was about Hiroaki and loving himself.

Now, in summary, I'm not saying shippers can't ship Hasemura or Hirojima. Quite the opposite. Be unapologetically gay!! But also keep in mind the harm they're doing when they reduce the participants down to their attraction to the other, as it is a disservice to Tetro's excellent character writing, and also perpetuates the issue that has been prevalent in fandom spaces for way too long now.

This was a very long post and I didn't realize just how much I had to say about this subject, but here we are!! Tetro has definitely wormed its way into my heart, and its characters are constantly rotating in my brain like a microwave lmaooo

[radiobyers]

why mike’s sexuality can’t affect his relationships fate — no matter what his sexuality is:

an analysis of m*leven’s relationship & specifically why i believe that mike being straight still would not equate to him & eleven being endgame.

mike wants nothing more than to feel special for his differences, but el sees him — & being with him — as normal & undeniably, mike’s life has been a lot more “normal” than hers. el wants nothing more than to live a normal life but mike sees her as a “superhero”. el lies to him about her life in california to cope with bullying. she can’t control the bullies but she can escape through fantasy & make mike believe that she’s settling in.

the duffers describe mike as a kid who “escapes” through fantasy gaming. he learns to play d&d to cope with bullying because pretending to save the party from supernatural forces makes him feel stronger. in season 4, he can’t comprehend why el can’t find comfort in being a “superhero” when she’s experiencing bullying, because all he wants is to feel like a superhero. (linked: see page 13, titled: “the kids”. sentence 4 under “will byers”.)

i made a post a while ago about the above scene’s parallel, here.

el admiring things in nancy’s bedroom, calling nancy pretty & asking mike if she’s “still pretty” without nancy’s wig on, has nothing to do with mike at all. it is el trying to comprehend & take on the life of a normal girl. nancy was the first girl she had seen outside of the lab & the life the wheeler’s lived was very new to el. it is a consistent plot line that she just wants to be a regular child. it’s why her friendship with max is so good for her. max wants to partake in typical teenage girl activities & shows el how to join in.

however, el’s new interest is not something that she can enjoy with mike. season 3, episode 2 makes it clear that while el is really enjoying her time shopping with friends, mike hates every moment of his. as a matter of fact, none of mike’s interests can be shared with el either. they quite literally don’t share any common ground other than both liking presents. that sounds like an over-exaggeration but it isn’t. mike even stops playing d&d when el is around, but as soon as she moves away, he becomes passionate about it again.

they don’t watch movies together, they don’t bond over food & they don’t have any real conversations, unless they’re talking about the upside down. lucas & max see movies together, read comics & have inside jokes. dustin & suzie bond over movies, sing together & share most of the same nerdy interests. in comparison to other couples their age, mike & el don’t seem to connect. here’s an example of how differently lumax & m*leven bond from season 3, episode 5:

max & lucas are both happy to sit together, snacking & reading. mike & el are sitting beside them reading the ingredients list on a packet of m&ms. they’ve just gotten back together but instead of catching up or talking about it, they’re reading the contents label on a packet of m&ms… the directors could have given them something else to converse over, but alas, i have nothing to suggest as a replacement.

the m*leven-byler triangle

while this love triangle is complicated, will being in love with mike is not a spanner in the works. in season 4, will does not intend to break these two up, nor is he prepared to expose his feelings to mike. will isn’t an obstacle that m*leven needs to overcome. so why are his feelings so involved in the plot? foreshadowing!

will, a queer character, has a false understanding of mike & el’s relationship. he thinks that they’re happy & in love but they’re anything but happy in st4. however, will does not know that so he gives up hope & waits for his feelings to pass. except they can’t pass, because he’s getting mixed signals. doesn’t that situation sound awfully familiar? you’re thinking of robin & vickie.

in case you need a reminder; robin loses hope that vickie may love her back because she assumes that vickie is already happily in love with a boy. however, vickie’s boyfriend breaks up with her shortly after this so apparently they were not all that happy or in love. the foreshadowing here is that m*leven are headed in the same direction as the “happy couple” in robin’s scene.

vickie’s sexuality was not mentioned in the show at all, yet, the audience believes her to be queer from her actions. do you see how easy it was for them to break up a presumably straight couple & introduce one of those characters as queer?

however, the interesting difference between robin & will in these scenes is that robin looks devastated but will does not look heartbroken at all. in fact, he looks happy. mike however… he looks all over the place. i have no idea why mike’s expressions change so drastically, but i do know that finn wolfhard is a very expressive actor, so i’m willing to bet that he’s trying to convey a mixture of mike’s emotions here.

final note on this: if you read this far, i love you!! i could go on but this is way too long. i’d like to say that i do believe that there’s a lot of love between mike & el but ultimately, their love is not compatible. i may do a contrast post where i discuss how aligned mike & will’s hobbies/goals are because it was fun to get this out of my brain. anyway, i am 100% sure that no other character will be at fault if they aren’t endgame, because they were never built to last in the first place.

[censoring the ship name so it doesn’t show up for shippers]

[monsterfactoryfanfic]

Youtube Essays Shill Post

I'm getting close to 1000 subscribers so I'm gonna make a shill post for my channel. I make videos on independent RPGs (no D&D/Pathfinder etc), highlighting narrative moves, the intersection of mechanics and themes, and analyzing them in parallel with books, movies, and game theory. I've had a really great crop of essays this year, and I bet at least one of them will do it for you:

###

Spire RPG & Babel: The Monstrosity of Empire, the Necessity of Violence (52 min)

I read Spire: The City Must Fall in parallel with RF Kuang's Babel: An Arcane History, and try to make the connection between Spire's worldbuilding and the British Empire's historical methods of extracting labor and resources from its colonized subjects. I'm especially proud of how I work through the ways in which Spire's Drow are treated as commodities, emulating how Britain's most valuable resource was human beings, and discuss why there's not an alternative available to the Drow except for violent uprising.

Heart RPG, Annihilation, and Sangfielle: Brainworms all the Way Down (38 min)

I follow the themes of compulsion, infection, and dissemination of a supernatural intelligence that I found both in Heart : The City Beneath and in Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation. It's kind of gross, but if you like reading about parasites, strange urges, and transformations that destroy the self, you'll probably be into this. I also make a few references to Friends at the Table's Sangfielle season, if you're a FATT fan.

Apocalypse Keys and Desperation to Belong (15 min)

Apocalypse Keys is a really interesting game, but it's also the most emotional game I read this year? It's all about heartbreak, longing, and trying to hold on to the people you love, even though you know you'll lose them in the end. The essay is also very much tied up in my feelings on diaspora, faith, and what it's like to be excluded, except for the home you make for yourself. It's also like, undeniably queer in a way I think a lot of folks will relate to.

The Endings of Hellwhalers and the Fewness of the Saved (28 min)

Okay I actually talk about being an ex-Catholic a lot, but this is my most explicitly religiously-inspired essay. I compare the text of Hellwhalers and its interpretations of Christian hell to the actual Catholic doctrines of hell, including the sermon that eventually made me break away from the Church altogether. If you like whales and religious trauma, please check this out.

###

Please consider taking a look at my channel! I hate having to beg for viewers, but there's just no other way to build an audience, and I'm really proud of the work I've done this year!

[sinimake]

Big agree with what you said about Johnshi. I've been in fandoms for a fuckton long time and this isn't new but damn does it bother me that in the year 2023 we still have to go through this.

It isn't only how the story goes for both Kenshi and Johnny (they meet at their lowest, go through hell together and come out of it as better people). It's also the banter in the intros (not only between them but also the fact that Kenshi and Johnny talk about each other to the others). And don't get me started with how their designs work : the blindfold is now forever tied to Johnny and the whole red/blue design going on.

But no. We can't have what would be the most organic relationship in the whole MK1 story. Instead we have Syzoth and Ashrah (which, don't take me wrong I LOVE them both) who happen to breath in the same room and possibly bond outside of the mainstory?

Agh sorry for the rant but sometimes I get bitter bc we couuuld have it aaaaaall >:(

EXACTLY 😤😤 I AM SO MAD!!!

Let me rant some more about this.

NRS was the first to introduce the first ever gay character in the fighter style video games. Love them for it, love that Taleena is canon. However, they're still pussayh for not making johnshi canon.

So i have been fangirl for more than a decade and IT IS ALWAYS THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM WITH BIG PRODUCTION COMPANIES they're so afraid of public backlash.

Let me tell you why not making Johnshi canon situation is different from Taleena and Kung Jin by opening big ass can of worms.

1. MK is dominated by cis hetero males. Yes, many people from various bg play the game, but it is undeniably true that the majority of fan base is men.

2. There's a phenomenon called the fetishization of lesbian and bisexual women. I am aware that I'm being controversial by saying this, but this fetishization makes the general public be more "accepting" of lesbain couple than the rest of the queer community, and it resonates mostly in straight men where they see queer women as objects that are simply putting on a show for the enjoyment of those watching.

This leads to my next point that it is a high probability that Taleena is allowed to be canon because the backlash from the cis hetero male fan base will be less than having gay relationship in the game. And let me tell you, Taleena interaction is bare minimum in the story mode!! I mean, yeah, they're trying to hide their relationship from others and the story is not exactly focused on them but they can be so much more! I can gloss over the lack of taleena content but was hoping for more in the future installment. But guess fucking what? Alternate universe Tanya and Mileena are rumored to be married to men in the upcoming mk1 side story.

Like imagine the vast possibility of having alternate universes where you can notch up the teased Forbidden Lovers trope but instead of having Taleena being happily united, NRS makes their only queer relationship straight???? *maniacal laugh* Honestly i will fight NRS on SIGHT. In my eyes, this only proves that they don't really care about queer representation, they're just filling the diversity qouta.

3. With what i said, NRS is a fucking coward for not making their popular male characters gay. You might bring up my boy Kung Jin but listen to me, debuting new queer character and making existing fan favorite character queer are completely different things. Kung Jin is first introduced in MK X and his sexual orientation is subtly suggested in the game. While Johnny Cage has been rated among the top Mortal Kombat characters by various gaming media publications.

If NRS made Johnny gay and in a relationship with Kenshi, imagine how fucking big the media coverage of them would have been. Literally, the second coming of that beer company queer backlash would have happened. Every gaming news outlet would be making articles on it. Johnshi would be trending on twitter.

I understand that it would be quite a risk to that to your business but guess what? They gave the most organic, the most heartfelt, the most tender story arc (ok i could be lil baised but you cant deny the chemistry) then slapped good ol' guys being pals and best friends forever crap on them 🙃

If Johnny and Kenshi were opposite gender, no cap, NO FUCKING CAP THAT THEY WOULD HAVE A FUCKING COUPLE.

4. I think Johnshi arc takes almost half of the story mode because we go through Johnny, Raiden, Kenshi, Baraka, Ashrah, Syzoth POVs till they come back from Outworld mission and in every chapter, Johnny and Kenshi get significant moments. And those moments are exclusive to only two of them, specifically tailored to them.

People say they're just friends, but i think the difference really shines if you consider that Kung Lao and Raiden are equally friends with them too. During outworld mission, Kung Lao has minimal dailogues and screen time when Johnny and Kenshi have interaction. If Kenshi and Johnny were just friends, they should have shown Kung Lao's reaction to Kenshi's blinding, Kung Lao's worry for Kenshi in the Shang Tsung's real laboratory, Kung Lao's line for Kenshi's regained sight RIGHT ALONG SIDE WITH JOHNNY.

What Kenshi and Johnny have exclusively belongs to them. That sets the difference between platonic friendship and the connection of those two.

Straight couples have less fucking interaction than one fucking scene and they are magically together. So tell me why the fuck Johnshi is not real

They SHOULD BE REAL and I'm so DONE with NRS

[albertserra]

hii bc i’m really curious and would love to engage more deeply & widely with cinema myself… can i ask how you got into film as an art form and how you cultivate your relationship to it? bonus if you could share (i’m sure you have before) what are the things you look out for in a film that makes it both good and a personal favourite. and how/where do you keep discovering things to watch (aside from the obvious like mubi and criterion collection)!!

I’ll start with the finding things to watch because that part is easier. You obv touched on the easy ones - though I’ll say some online ‘film festivals’ are more niche and also really good. My friend told me about this one and there’s some interesting stuff in it. There’s also kanopy which is free with a library card. Solidarity cinema’s archive is also great! Other sites for stuff you can’t find on these ofc. Then with all this access it comes down to actually picking what to watch. At this point I just kind of have things I gravitate towards - actors, directors, themes, etc. and the people I follow on here/letterboxd also introduce me to some really cool stuff. To just get your feet wet though I get it can be overwhelming! I’m happy to help with recs if you give some criteria or things you like. My letterboxd account has helped me a lot in terms of not only keeping track of what I’ve seen and my thoughts on them but also finding things to watch through lists or other people. I started with the imdb top 250 when I was in high school which wasn’t necessarily bad but my taste has changed drastically since then lmao. Which kind of gets into the other part of your question

Like I said I started in high school idk why I think I was just bored of the video games I was currently playing and had a lot of time since I couldn’t find a job for a summer. Ended up deciding to get into movies and started an imdb account and scrolling through the imdb top 250. I liked thrillers and crime movies a lot, then I got really into Kevin spacey because I thought he was hot (LMFAOO) which led me to watch se7en, which lead me to David fincher. Stuff like that. But my enjoyment was still mostly superficial. It’s only when I had the opportunity to take film electives in college that I really started thinking about film seriously as art. It exposed me to a lot more and I learned the basics about film language/techniques-mise en scene, editing etc. inwhat was essentially a ‘film 101’ class which was a prerequisite for the more interesting classes. Then in those I got exposed to more world cinema and film theory (two highlights were classes that mixed the domain of film theory with other disciplines, one for queer theory and another for feminist theory). Reading and watching all this and being forced to write long form for assignments helped me develop my appreciation for what I was watching as well as the language I could use to talk about the films. My personal taste developed kind of alongside all this and is of course still developing. Jeanne dielman is how I learned I loved slow cinema, a Soviet cinema class got me to think about political messaging in film, stuff like that. But even then these were still just seeds I think. I was too young and inexperienced to really appreciate some of it but looking back I see how valuable it all was. Someone like you would def have an advantage starting out with a literary background, so I think a lot of the skills are transferable

Good and personal favorite, for me, don’t have much difference. But I think that’s me just being spoiled from having seen so many “classics” that a really well executed film doesn’t do much for me if it doesn’t do something new/different that excites me or doesn’t trigger any kind of emotional response in me. Good example of this would be the brutalist recently - undeniably well made, but narratively and technically not really anything special or fresh, not to mention the murky politics. Something like “the white silk dress” / áo lụa hà đông on the other hand- it’s not as pretty to look at, it’s not as polished, but it’s so much better imo. Heart and soul and a real driving force instead of empty aesthetics and an Oscar bait narrative.

I’ve never liked the idea of a film “canon”, especially because of how much it tends to leave by the wayside when I much prefer “third world” cinema, films that fall through the cracks, etc. But I can understand the importance of films like citizen Kane and breathless and the rules of the game even if on an enjoyment level idrc about any of them. But I think they’re a good base to then branch out/away from.

This was really long sorry…. Ummm. Feel free to ask more or dm or whatever!!

[tomboyyyaoi]

im genuinely stunned that ena5 on no uncertain terms canonises mizukis transness and people are still calling it a dissappointing queerbait bc mizuki doesnt turn to the viewer and explicitly say "i am transgender" like please for the love of god. mizuki is undeniably, no question, irrefutably trans, to deny it is absolutely asinine and purposefully transphobic but im still seeing takes about how its still "not good enough" because its not spelled out, bolded and underlined

the desire for better queer representation in media is always justified but to get a genuinely really lovely and heart gripping slowburn coming out story in a fucking hatsune miku rythm game of all things and then stomp ur feet and cry about queerbaiting because the story fades to black as the trans character in question is about to spell out what we all already know is so soooo childish.

i wanted them to say trans, i wanted them to spell it out, i wanted them to shut up the transphobes denying mizuki as a girl, but just bc they didnt it doesnt sour anything, it doesnt sour how good mizuki and her story and her character as trans rep is and i think people acting like it did are letting the dissappointment get to them in a really nasty way

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb:

Queer horror at a boarding school with a Lovecraftian twist in this new YA novel from E. Latimer, author of the acclaimed The Strange and Deadly Portraits of Bryony Gray.

Northcroft is an elite boarding school with a deadly secret. Each night as the bell tolls and the shutters slam down, cutting off the outside world, the Afterdark descends, turning the surrounding old growth forest into a macabre copy of itself. A negative photograph crawling with horrors.

Evie Laurent is certain of one thing from the moment she sees Holland Morgan on the front steps of Northcroft: she wants to know everything there is to know about her. But there are some things about Evie herself that are better kept secret. Especially the fact that she let her sister drown. And that it's getting harder to ignore her dark impulses . . . 

Holland Morgan knows falling for Evie is just one more terrible choice in her long history of terrible choices. The problem is, she's not sure she cares.

As attraction turns slowly to obsession, they find themselves playing a dangerous game. Something out there is calling to each of them. Beckoning to the shadows within.

Do they fight the call and protect one another, or answer and embrace the darkness?

Review:

A queer sapphic horror story featuring secret societies, creepy forest, and obsessive romance?? I am all in. The story follows Evie Laurent, a girl who is moved into a boarding school in place of her sister... her twin sister who tried to kill her and died instead. Evie has always known there was something inside of her... some brutal angry thing, but has kept her impulses in checked as opposed to her twin who went out of her way to cave into every vicious thought. Yet after a fight with her sister leaves only Evie alive, her mother sends her to the boarding school that her sister was meant to go to. Welcome to Northcroft, an elite boarding school with strange deadly secrets. There Evie meets Holland Morgan, her former crush, an actress, and her sister's ex. Holland and Evie are magnets who can't seem to stay away from one another.... yet the longer Evie stays here the more she is beginning to realize something sinister and dark lives at this school, something deadly lies in the forest... and its getting closer and closer to Evie. The more entwined Holland and Evie become, the closer the danger closes in on them.... can their romance survive this school? This was such an interesting read that immediately hooks you from the first chapter. I was absolutely in love with Evie from the start, she's such a unique protagonist. The story itself was so much fun to follow and the slow dread and creepy vibes were perfect. I really loved the romance between Evie and Holland, an obsessive but undeniable romance that was so interesting to read about. THAT ENDING~!!! I really had so much fun reading this and will absolutely be recommending it for spooky season!

Release Date: January 7, 2025

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Penguin Random House Canada | Tundra Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[bloodgulchblog]

Important question.

Which halo book is the most gay

Sorry this took a minute, I've been dying on the job lately and this ended up longer than intended. (I am under so much stress and writing absurd amounts about Halo canon is enrichment for me.)

First of all: Is anything in Halo hard-canon, completely undeniable, text-only no subtext, gay? The answer is: not much.

Cards on the table, jokes to the side, Halo is overall very sexless and, when it remembers sexuality exists and maybe a character would have a feeling about that, it's usually heterosexual. Halo was born in the early 2000s and is one of those properties that wears a "mature" coat of paint but knows that a huge percentage of its audience is probably teenagers and thus it's very scared of what would happen if their parents got mad. (This was even true when they were still making the games M rated.) The games have a lot of incidental dialogue with the marines and sangheili allies but it's the kind of thing of thing you know people let skate in 2007 because lol gay, hilarious.

It's one of those things where the only way to square it with, you know, the fact queer people exist in reality, is that queer people existing is commonplace and not taboo ergo it's not brought up. This isn't a great patch job and fixes nothing, but these are the hoops available to jump through if this is your chosen circus and you're trying to have a good time. Do the tigers at the circus have a good time? Probably not, actually. Let's move on.

There are two instances of the written Halo canon specifically and undeniably mentioning gay characters. (...Or at least there have been two for the longest damn time. If I blinked and missed something recent y'all should yell in the notes. The gay couple they kill in the TV show doesn't count.) They are both supporting cast characters in short stories written by the same author, Tobias S. Buckell, for each of the two short story anthologies.

The older story is "Dirt" in the Evolutions anthology, and there are two gay women in it. The first is Felicia:

The second is Allison:

Both of these characters die (Allison dies in an attack that happens literally seconds after this moment, but Felicia is important through the story until she goes). "Dirt" is good, contains the first mention of the Rookie, the most detail we've been given on ODST training, and is a love letter to Contact Harvest so it's following up on the messy pre-Covenant insurrection vs CMA vs UNSC tensions we haven't seen in as much detail since.

The second story is "Oasis" in the Fractures anthology and there is much much less here. The protagonist of "Oasis" is a girl whose remote desert community is being ravaged by a virus, and she's the only one able to set out across the desert in search of help (where she gets caught up in some infighting among the planet's Sangheili).

Nearer the start, she finds one of her neighbors burning the body of his partner, who has died of the virus. I'm not going to post it, it's very sad. They're one-scene characters and one of them is dead before we meet him.

Tobias S. Buckell is the only Halo writer who has given us canonically gay characters, and they're only supporting cast in short stories. I can't know why exactly (fuck if I know what has happened internally on Halo) but the why socially (society homophobic) is pretty obvious.

Honestly, I think the only other direct mention is there's a bit in the first YA novel where one of the kids teases another about whether a third is "his boyfriend" because they've been talking a lot and he's like no stoooop!! about it.

Anyway.

If we have to choose a gayest Halo book based on actual mention of gay people, the award goes to Halo: Evolutions because it has one story where a lesbian is a major character.

Having crowned this dubious king, let's move on to the subtext. It's fine. We're all on tumblr, we all understand having to descend into these mines to have fun.

There are a lot of very gay moments in some Halo stories. Certainly not enough to recommend a whole book to someone, because these are always incidental, but hey. I'm a master at chewing the scraps off the bones.

I'll lead with trying to answer the original question: What is the gayest Halo book?

I think to me, the most sustained gay vibe in a written-out Halo story is whatever was going on between Romeo and Dutch in the short run comic Helljumper.

The actual text of Helljumper is: Dutch has put in for a transfer to a non-combat post in order to be closer to his wife, Gretchen. Romeo is really upset about this and they have conflict about this through a big high octane ODST adventure that ends with Romeo saying "hey Dutch I've put in for a transfer too" while Dutch goes "oh uh, I talked to Gretchen about it and I canceled my transfer request..."

It's the intensity of Romeo's hurt feelings, and the obvious fondness between the characters. I'm not saying "Romeo/Dutch real." I don't like Romeo a whole lot (mostly due to later outings in the Buck novels) and Dutch is definitely very married to Gretchen. I don't actually care that much. But for the space of time where I was reading Helljumper thinking about it that way added more emotional interest and made sense.

For things that only last for moments, I have a little collection of bits and pieces.

First: The essence of the Lord of Admirals Forthencho oversharing with our poor boy Chakas about his Didact feelings. (From Primordium.)

A moment where you know how bad the Arbiter and the Rtas 'Vadum wish they could be reunited one day, from Shadow of Intent:

Also I think the strongest "oh you could build a romance out of that" moment with the Arbiter about the Chief is actually him fully prepared to tell Locke to fuck off over him in Halo 5, but having that conviction in the Arbiter's warrior crush on the Master Chief makes passages like the below (in Outcasts) fun:

Uhuh Thel you are commissioning art of him in your home? Tell us more.

(Yes, I'm playing, I know the saga wall is an important Sangheili cultural piece, I know-)

Zita, you may ask, do you have even a crumb for the lesbians?

Alright boss, best I got is probably Adriana-111 making tea for Melody Azikiwe after the Big Stressful Book Events have concluded (from Halo: Envoy)

Okay.

I think there might be more, so everyone feel free to use this post to shout out your favorite spots that you think are better if you read them gay.

[maddgical-boy]

madd ask game!! (from @scuttledusk!) yet another lantern eclipse guy because. well. i’m brain rotting i guess BUT!

his name is Pearl Artair! He’s 32 years old and uses he/him pronouns, and his faceclaim is Ncuti Gatwa <3 he’s so babygirl

Pearl is the owner of the Visionary, a queer nightclub/bar in the Violet District! He’s incredibly charismatic and capable of making just about anyone feel comfortable around him, and he also gives off distinct old money vibes (mostly through the way he speaks and dresses) despite that being entirely false lmfao. Big academic words, an English accent, and faux-designer clothes can get a guy a long way yk??

Pearl is undeniably a very kind person!! He cares about everything and everyone all the time so much that it hurts!! He does however have the unfortunate tendency to mask all that hurt behind a little charming smile, so. owie. He also has the need to feel like he’s in control of everything happening in his life, but he’s also very good at being in charge so most of the time it’s a win/win. And!! He’s got book smarts AND street smarts! double package baybee

sorry if this is wildly incoherent it’s uhhhhhHHH late here 😭 BUT! picture me slowly pushing him towards u across a poker table <3 here’s his collage

he is perfect. i shall matchmake him with ME /j

i think he would be a perfect match with my para august fitzsimmons! his faceclaim is shane madej, one of my favorite internet funny guys

august is a religious studies professor! (the science of religions) he strives to be a really good educator to all of his students and wants them to feel like they can come to him for any problem. (though, his kindness means he can often forgive people too much or be taken advantage of.) he loves learning new things about the world and telling people fun facts, as a treat :>

pearl and august would be so cute together imo, just two sweet guys out on the town. singlehandedly could create world peace HAVSKSJDF

but seriously they would be like that cute little couple everyone knows and thinks is wholesome. they both have issues with repressing negative emotions but knowing them, they would probably just take turns talking to each other about it lol

[castielsprostate]

It’s so weird and feels unreal. Because every logical brain cell I have is like “I knew this. We knew he was a Nazi” and yet I’m still in disbelief that in like every history book we have a big section saying “hey. This was a horrible thing and let’s all acknowledge this should never happen again” AND YET THAT WAS UNDENIABLY A HITLER SALUTE. My brain has such a hard time understanding why people are racist/homophobic/nazis/etc and struggles understanding the simple fact that they genuinely believe those things no matter how many times I deal with these people in real life

The fact they looked at Hitler (who I thought humanity collectively agreed was horrible and very wrong) and then said “yeah let’s do that again” is boggling my mind

Me too, anon, me too.

We, in the west, haven't even lived through 100 years without reverting back to nazism and fascism. And for what! for actual what are we doing this again? not even money can justify this. is the end game some massive war? wipe out half the face of the earth? is that it? i thought we moved past this.

is it because americans alive today dont actually know what war is like? what not having rights is like? is that it?? what is the point???

i'm so tired, anon. we've been saying it for nearing a decade, i've been saying it for nearing a decade!!!!!!!! what happened to punching nazis?! what happened to never again?! so many people died. so much innocent blood was spilled. so many people traumatized. history was wiped out, vital information was lost forever. entire families were decimated.

and maybe they won't go after jews this time (they will), maybe they won't go after gays this time (they will), maybe they won't go after you (they will), but so many people will die. so many people are dying. wether it's from genocide in the middle east, or concentration camps in asia, or from russian tanks in east europe, or climate change, or extreme police violence, or from suicide over feeling hopeless, over preventable disease. people are dying. innocent people are dying. and no one cares.

no one actually, truly, seems to care. they reblog a post about palestine, or about the wildfires in la, maybe even a donation post, and then they move on. they'll reblog a post about a queer man being murdered for loving another man, no tags, and move on. because they get to move on. they aren't waking up in a tethered up tent with bombs dropping ten feet from their children. they aren't worried that a russian soldier will shoot them dead for walking on the street. they aren't worried they'll be stoned to death for holding hands with another man. they wake up, fake outrage, and move on, because they don't care.

they won't take it to the street for transgenders, they won't take it to the street for queers, they won't take it to the streets for children being blown up by their tax dollars, they won't take it to the streets for their mother's, sister's, niece's, girl friend's 's rights being stripped. they'll just think someone else will do that, and when it come for them there'll be no one left to take it to the street.

we said never again and then embraced it with open fucking arms.