#and this game is so undeniably Queer i love that for them

[kappaology]

recently downloaded reverse 1999. here's my experience so far

[blazingblorbos]

Honkai is genuinely so funny because even in the gamemode where players play as a man (for the one and only time) there’s another man that calls him shit like “dear friend” and “soulmate”.

And what the hell do you mean they were roommates in academy together???

[transmechanicus]

this is. probably a very personal question.

Is it worth it? Transitioning? In spite of it all?

Completely, utterly, and absolutely. I’m one of those ppl who knew i was trans since i was like 8. I found out when i was probably 13/14 what transgender meant, but recoiled from it because i could not imagine a world that would accept me or where i would be happy with the result. At 15 i met my first other trans person, and they became my friend and partner and the first person to ever know i was trans. Being around them, known by them, was such a colossal psychological relief and source of joy unlike anything i had known before. It made separating from them after graduation all the more excruciating to lose that one person i had trusted with that truth.

Sometime over the next two years i came out to my Mom, but nothing really changed, and i had more or less resolved to rot and die under the identity i had been born into. I let my undergrad studies chew me up, neglected all but the most necessary body maintenance, and spent every moment outside work or class buried in video games or books. At some point something snapped out of place, or perhaps back into place. I knew i didn’t want to die like this. I wanted something more for my life and my flesh than being a half dead servitor stocking yogurt. I wanted to transition, and however slowly, however long it took, that’s what i resolved to do.

It took a while. I had no real finances, no privacy, and little independence. I was coming from a white low-self-expression, high-control household. I “messed up” while base coating warhammer models one time and gave myself black nails. My dad berated me about it for days before trying to pin my hands down and sand the paint off (didn’t work, thank you automotive primer). When i was ~22 i got my ears pierced, basically the first permanent part of my transition, and i had never known as much joy as i did driving home knowing the pain was a step of permanent progress. Around this time 2019/2020 i started being out online, more vocal about being transgender as opposed to just having a relatively inexpressive fandom blog with no info beyond my name.

When i was 24, two years ago i came out to my dad, and a week later i left for grad school halfway across the country. I had an apartment all to myself, and my own source of income. I spent my spare change building up a wardrobe of new clothes that i actually liked. I got my first year of grad school done mostly without anything remarkable. Went to some queer events at my school. Found a partner. Got loved to bits for a while. Re-came out to my parents over the summer, and this time it stuck. Started HRT that fall, 2023. Came out to my classmates and coworkers and was rewarded with support and acceptance. Lost the partner. Devastated. Resolve to get even hotter and cooler. Smash out 3 piercings and a tattoo inside a week. Develop personal fashion sense. Attend research conference. Get better at makeup. Go to some concerts. Increase HRT. Tiddy Arc. Buy bra with a supportive bestie. Start weekly therapy. Increase HRT. Cosplay at a major convention. Schedule another tattoo. More HRT. Bra no longer optional. Present day. Tattoo on Wednesday. 90% of progress packed into the last year or so. Undeniably hotter, happier, and more self-expressive than anything in the last 24 years prior.

Transitioning is more than worth it, it brings me so much relief and joy every day no matter how shitty my day is otherwise, and while i have known doubt, i have never for an instant known regret.

There is still time🖤🏳️‍⚧️💕

[pitchsidestories]

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare II Ali Krieger x Mewis!Reader

masterlist I word count: 2599

The heat of the day was gone, and it started to cool down in New Jersey. The breeze made you shiver, so did the words of Ali Krieger with whom you had a love affair for the past weeks: “Y/n, you’re 13 years younger than me and I just go through a separation from my wife.” “Ali.”, you tried to soothe her doubting face. Sadness lay in the eyes of the defender while she was looking at you: “I can’t do that.” “But you kissed me first and you said that it meant something to you.”, the hurt in your voice was undeniable.

Regret was shimmering through her words: “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re way too young for me.” “I’m not that young, Ali.”, you interjected. Eyerolling Ali countered: “You’re 26.” “Yes, which makes me an adult.”, you protested. Softly the older woman replied:” I know you’re.”

This didn’t change the fact that you were 13 years younger than her, this much you both knew.  The defender made very clear that it was time to end the thing whatever you two had going on before anyone could get too hurt. So, you decided:” I should go.”

Meanwhile Ali’s daughter Sloane was standing right behind you and interrupted your talk, with big eyes she pleaded:” Don’t go, you promised me a good night story.” “No, she’s right. She should go.”, the dark-haired woman declared. The toddler looked disappointed at her mother: ”But-“ “It’s okay, Sloane. Maybe, we’ll do that another time in the future.” , you reassuringly hugged the little girl.

Audibly Ali cleared her throat: “Goodbye, I hope I’ll see you soon.” “We play in the same team, so I guess we can’t avoid seeing each other.”, you reminded her. Nervously the older woman went through her hair with one hand: “Yes, sure.” “Bye.”, you waved at them. “Goodbye.”

Were those tears shimmering in her beautiful brown eyes? But weren’t you the one who was allowed to grieve the possibility of what you two could have become when she ended it? Confused you left the home of the woman who broke your heart.

A worried Sloane looked up to her mother:” Why do you look so sad, momma?” “I’m not. I just have a hard decision to make. But it’s bad time for you now.”, Ali tried to shrug it off. “No.”, the toddler whined. “Yes, come on.”, the defender’s lips curled up into a tired smile as she knew all too well that her daughter would be soon asleep by the time her small head hit her pillow.

“Ali! Lynn! Doesn’t my little sister look super hot in this outfit?“, Kristie Mewis yelled a week later at Gothams next NWSL game. It has become kind of a ritual that the players took pictures of their outfits before the games for social media. You stood in front of the camera, rolling your eyes at your older sister; “Kristie, stop it.“ “Just admit that I picked it out for you!“, she protested with a laugh. You objected, frowning; “I picked it out. You just lend me the clothes!“ “I picked it out!“, Kristie insisted again. You could easily forget that she was the older one. “Whoever did it, I’m sure every queer woman would be happy to unpack her.“, Lynn interrupted your discussion with a wink.

Ali who stood next to her, waiting for her turn to be photographed, said flatly; “What’s there to unpack? She’s barely wearing anything.“ You could feel your cheeks heat with anger. Before you could answer, Kristie looked at the defender; “Don’t be mean, Ali. It’s a cute fit.“ She gave you a proud smile while Ali shrugged; “It’s true, Kristie.“ Your sister deliberately ignored her negative comments and walked up to you; “Come here. Let’s take some sister photos together to send to Sammy.“ “Sammy will pout forever about the fact that she wasn’t included in this picture.“, you reminded Kristie and immediately smiled at the thought of your other sister who currently played in Kansas. Kristie grinned into the camera; “Let’s be honest, she probably would have ruined it.“ “Still, you know her.“ “Yes, I do.“, she rolled her eyes.

You had taken a quick selfie with Kristie too and texted it to Sam. Now you held up your phone in Kristies face; “Told you. She’s already pouting in her text messages. We need to send her a good snack for when she’s doing her next podcast episode to make up for it.“ “Trust me, she’ll survive.“, Kristie replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. Lynn nodded in agreement; “Yeah, she’s already busy with other things. Sammy will forget about that photo by tomorrow.“ As her podcast partner, Lynn always knew what Sam was up to. “Yeah, you two are probably right.“, you shrugged but sent your sister in Kansas a heart emoji anyway. “We are. Believe us.“, Kristie winked.

After the match Ali was standing next to your locker, arms crossed in front of her chest: “Where do you think you’re going with this outfit?” “I’m going out.”, you shrugged with your shoulders. Although her reaction fuelled your anger. She did not have a right to react jealous. Curiously she asked: “Out? With whom?” “Oh, just with Kristie and some other teammates.”, you replied nonchalantly.

Bitterly the defender answered:” Go and have fun then.” Innocently smiling Kristie intervened: “Isn’t Ashlyn looking after your kids tonight? Come on, Ali. You should join us.” “I don’t think Ali is interested in partying with us.”, you told her. Much to both of your surprise the captain of the team replied:” You know what? Why not? I got nothing else to do.” “Great, this is going to be so much fun.”, your older sister chirmed. A small smile lightened up Alis whole face: “I’m sure it will be.” “We’ll see about that.”, you whispered frustrated.

The club Kristie chose was new and trendy and settled in Manhattan. The music was good, and you and your teammates enjoyed the night out. A stranger came up to you: “Hi, can I get you a drink?” She looked pretty and you could not help but to nod along: “Sure.” “No.”, Ali interrupted the talk between the two of you. “No? I think I can decide that on my own.”, you huffed. Determined the defender shook her head: “No, you can’t.” With these words she took your hand and walked off with you.

Furiously you glanced at her: “Seriously, what the fuck Ali?” “What? It’s impolite. You’re out with us.”, she pointed out. Annoyed with her actions you scoffed: We both know that’s not why you did it.” “Maybe not. But that doesn’t matter. The others don’t have to know.”, Ali admitted.  “Don’t worry, Kristie doesn’t know with whom I spent my summer.”, you disclosed. The mentioning of your older sister made the dark-haired woman smile in amusement:” “Kristie doesn’t seem to be bothered anyway. She’s on the phone with her girlfriend.” “And where are Kelley and Lynn?”, you couldn’t help but to ask. While Ali took you on to the dance floor without asking you: “At the bar.” “Oh.”

“Come on. You should have some fun.”, she smirked. As you were starting to move to the music you wanted to know from her:” Are you enjoying your parenting free night?” “I do.”, with that said you could feel her hands placed around your hips. You tried to keep your tone light: “That’s great.” “But I do miss them.”, the older woman answered. A sigh escaped your lips:“I miss them too to be honest.” “They miss you too.” Surprised you looked at her:”Really?” “Sure. You’ve met them quite a few times.”, Ali replied while her fingers touched your naked skin which made you shiver. Secretly you hated that your body still reacted to her like this.

Apparently, she had also noticed your reaction because she quickly pulled her hand away. “Yes, that’s true.“, you replied, trying to ignore what had just happened. Ali furrowed her eyebrows, looking at you intently; “Are you okay?“ “Yes, I’m fine… I think I’ll go home now.“, you explained, turning away from her. “Already?“ “Yes. Good night, Ali.“

You took your bag and were about to leave when you suddenly felt her hand close around your wrist. “Let me bring you home. Your sister obviously isn’t going to.“, Ali decided rather than offered. You followed her gaze to Kristie, who stood off to the side with her phone pressed to her ear and giggled about something her girlfriend must have said. “We should not interrupt her when she’s talking to her girlfriend.“, you had to admit. Ali finally let go of your hand; “I’m sure the others will make sure that she gets home safe. But now let me take you home.“

Your brain was constantly screaming at you while you accepted the offer and followed Ali to her car. The car ride was unusually silent but you were half expecting the awkwardness already. When the car stopped in front of your apartment building, you realized that Ali had gotten out of the car to open the passenger door for you. You gave her a tight smile; “Thanks for bringing me home.“ “You’re welcome.“, she answered politely. While pulling the keys out of your bag, you noticed that Ali hasn’t moved.

With a sigh, you turned to her, finally asking you the question that was bothering you the whole night; “Ali… did you already find someone new?“ The defender seemed taken aback by the question; “No. I’m not looking for someone right now.“ “I see.“ “It’s all a bit much right now. I thought I’d focus on myself and my children. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?“, Ali continued. You shook your head, your lips pressed together tightly; “No. I think I’ll focus on my career right now.“ “That sounds… reasonable.“ “I know.“ You were just about to turn the keys and unlock the door when Ali spoke up again; “You know I’m sorry, right? I didn’t think when we started this. Or else I wouldn’t have put us both through this mess.“ “So you regret us?“, you asked, your voice a pitch higher than you wanted it to be. “That’s not what I said.“, Ali retorted defensively.

You heaved a long sigh; “I guess it’ll be easier when the season ends.“ “Yes. I think it will be. That gives us more space.“, the defender agreed. “Right and we’ll never have to see each other again.“ Ali rolled her eyes at your remark; “You know, you can be a bit dramatic sometimes?“ “To be fair, I learned from the best. Kristie and you.“, you laughed involuntarily. “I’m not dramatic! Your sister is!“, Ali protested with a wide grin. “Yeah, she’s a little bit more drama.“

For a second, everything felt like the break-up never happened but then Alis’ face turned serious again; “See. I’m sure you’ll be alright. You’re an amazing soccer player, smart and pretty, and you have your two sister who always got your back. You don’t need me.“

“Ali, you know that’s not true. I do need you.”, you disagreed. Her expression was unchanged as she answered: “No, you don’t.” “I still don’t care about the age gap. I thought you should know that. Good night, Ali.”, you smiled disappointed. “I do know that. Good night.”

Yet she still did not move so you asked the defender:” Ali, why are you still standing here?” “What? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.”, Ali blushed. “Thinking about what?” “Mistakes.”, the older woman truthfully replied. Sharply you shot back: “Well, I think you made very clear that we were a mistake.” “No. But apparently think that if you keep accusing me of saying that.”, she shook her head. You could feel your cheek turn red:” Sorry.” “ I don’t think this was a mistake. What was a mistake was the fact that I didn’t think about it before starting something with you. That would have saved us the trouble.”, Ali summed it up. Slowly you nodded:”Right.”

“But now I’m wondering if it’s a mistake to let you go.”, the defender cautiously looked into your eyes. The words left your mouth before you could think more deeply about them: “Don’t let go.” This said she closed the gap between you and pressed her lips onto yours while you replied to her kiss with an equally passion, running your hands through her dark long hair. All the emotions finally making their way out as you embraced each other. Needless to say, Ali did not leave that night.

After your now girlfriends last game where was a big party being held in her honour. All her friends were there to celebrate her long soccer career. Proudly you kissed her which made Kristie gasp out loud: “Oh. My. God!”

“Why are you yelling, Kristie?”, your other sister Sam Mewis asked amused because she was well versed in the older sibling’s talent to make everything super dramatic as if you were part of a reality show. “Our little sister is making out with Ali!”, the blonde shouted into her ear. Unimpressed the taller woman looked at her:” And?” “And seriously?!”, Kristie repeated playfully shocked.

That made Sam laugh out loud: “Yes?” “Why aren’t you freaking out about this?”, the smaller midfielder wanted to know. “Should I?” “Well, they look happy, right?”, the older sister observed as she glanced at Ali and you. Giggling the middle sibling remarked: “I don’t know. They’re about to eat each other up.”

Kristie grimaced in disgust; “Ew, gross.“ “As if you and were any better with your girlfriend.“, Megan Rapinoe interrupted the sisters, giving Kristie a smirk. Sam gasped with widened eyes, happy about the mutual understanding between her and Megan; “Don’t even get me started! You can’t even have a normal conversation without them making out!“

“Let’s try it with this new couple, shall we?“, Megans wife asked, a challenging look on their face. But before she could her plan to action, Ali took her lips off of yours for a second and yelled; “We’re busy here!“ “Get a room!“, Kristie answered. You eyed your sister with scepticism; “Coming from you?“ “Don’t talk to me in this tone, young lady.“, Kristie warned, playfully raising her finger at you. You cringed; “You’re my older sister, not my mum.“

Ali got up, taking your hand in hers; “Let’s leave, love.“ “Please.“, you answered, looking at your sisters with feigned disdain. “Bye, guys.“, Ali waved while gently leading you outside. Kristie watched you with her mouth open; “You can’t just abduct my sister.“ “This is consensual.“, you clarified with a laugh. “This better be!“, Kristie yelled after you. You smiled at her and Sam, waving them goodbye; “See you tomorrow.“ “Or not.“, Kristie added. Sam snorted; “Probably not.“ “Girls!“, you called. But Ali nudged you with her shoulder, giving you a wink; “They are not wrong though.“ “Go.“, Sam rolled her eyes, gesturing for you to finally leave. Sue smiled as she watched you two; “Seems like we don’t have to worry about Ali being bored after her retirement from soccer.“ “I was never worried about that.“, Megan replied, amused.

Kristie in the meantime had taken a step away from the group and was holding her phone to her ear. “Kristie, what are you doing?“, Sam asked. “Uhm, telling mum the news?“, her sister answered, looking at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sam shook her head at her; “Oh my god, Kristie. That’s exactly why I’m mums favorite.“

[thomas-jefferson-miku-binder]

Queer League of Legends Champions (with explanations) - Part II

Check out Part I

Confirmed Pansexuals – Twisted Fate

Twisted Fate was always speculated to be part of the LGBTQ+ community due to his, uh, flamboyancy. The sentiment that he felt something more for Graves was always there, portrayed in their stories through regret, friendship, and loyalty. The Boys and Bombolini color story officially confirmed him as queer, making TFGraves the faces of Pride 2022. This year, he was also seen with the pansexual flag in official pride art, with Riot finally labeling him. It's worth noticing a cute detail (that I doubt was intentional) where his card deck's colors form the colors of his flag!

Confirmed Queers – Ahri, Ekko, Evelynn, Ezreal, Kayn, Nidalee, Renata Glasc, Samira, Taric, Udyr

Ok, this is a long category. Here we have every champion we know for sure is queer, either through external confirmation (Ekko, Ezreal, Kayn, Renata Glasc, Taric), in-game dialogue (Nidalee, Samira, Udyr), or basic lore (Ahri, Evelynn). Let's start with the first group.

Throughout the first half of 2020, Riot released multiple chapters of a Pulsifire color story focused on Ezreal. It explored his relationships with numerous champions of the universe, but especially Ekko. The subtext was strong in this one, and the writer later took to Twitter to talk about how tough it was to have queer stories be censored when working for IPs, not so subtly mentioning Ezreal and Ekko after doing so. Even though Riot might not have agreed with making the Ezko relationship undeniably romantic, their love for one another is still an important part of the story, not to mention that it was the creator's intended vision to begin with. 

Renata Glasc was confirmed as sapphic by one of her creators when sharing concept art of her design. Checking the link to the original post, they seem to have deleted the excerpt that mentions it, but people took screenshots before they edited it, most likely because of Riot. Taric, on the other hand, has been speculated to be queer since forever, although the motives are not that pure. Many people saw this hairless, beautiful man that likes jewels and was like, "Huh, that sounds kinda gay," which was the common dudebro mentality of the fandom at the time of his release that caused a lot of homophobia within the player base (more than usual). They weren't wrong, seeing as Riot did include Taric in official 2023 pride art, but he was not seen wearing or holding any flags. After all, it would make sense that he likes everything—and everyone—beautiful. But either way, both Taric and Renata are non-specified queers.

Shieda Kayn is a weirder case. I thought a lot about whether I should even include him in this category at all. There are many accounts of people affirming one of Kayn's writers pictured him as having fluid sexuality, but since then, wherever it was posted, it's gone now. I do believe it since we can still find Reddit threads on the subject, but the original source is nowhere to be found. I still decided to put him here, but take it with a grain of salt.

Moving on to our next category, we have Nidalee, Samira, and Udyr. Samira flirts more than once with Elegant Edge in Legends of Runeterra, and her attraction for her is not subtle. As far as I'm aware, she's never expressed interest in men, but we can't say for sure whether she's bi, pan, or gay. Nidalee and Udyr have had speculated romantic interests in other champions for a while now. Nidalee with Neeko, Udyr with Lee Sin. Nidalee and Neeko's story was first portrayed as one-sided, with Neeko rejected by her friend, prompting them to part ways. On the other hand, the addition of both champions to Legends of Runeterra explored their relationship once again, with the two reuniting and Nidalee finally realizing she did love Neeko and simply didn't know how to deal with it all those years ago. A love song, Shine On, even accompanied the update, which narrates their story beautifully. They have many romantic voice lines now, both in LoR and League.

With Udyr's rework, people started realizing he digs Lee Sin through voice lines expressing how he misses his "old friend" and that he's "loved twice, left twice" (which applies to his relationship with Lee Sin). Besides, his design includes memorabilia he exchanged with Lee Sin when they parted ways. It is also important to mention he's had a wife before, so he swings both ways. I think the context gives more than enough clues for us to safely say Udyr is queer. 

Ahri and Evelynn are spirits/demons that prey on their victims (regardless of gender) through charm and seduction. Ahri is essentially a succubus, and Evelynn is the Demon of Agony, with desire and lust being important parts of their characters. It is also worth noting that Evelynn is genderfluid/agender, taking the form of anyone (or anything) that might lure her victims. So their lore essentially confirms them as not straight and not cis (on Evelynn's case, at least).

[allyricas]

I love gay Eddie and bisexual awakening Steve. It's solid and popular for a reason. It works, makes a lot of sense.

But...I also love flirty-cluelessly-queer Eddie and comfortable-with-his sexuality Steve.

Eddie does flirt. With everyone. It was pretty clear he was flirting with Chrissy. He was flirting with Steve. Calling him big boy and getting up in his personal space, being all cutesy.

So, imagine Eddie just casually flirting with Steve and it doesn't mean anything to him. He's just being Eddie. He isn't even aware that it's flirting. He really considers it teasing. The man is dramatic and silly. He loves to make a scene. So "teasing" people is fun for him.

Eddie who is a super senior running a DnD club for outcasts, loves Lord of the Rings, plays in a metal band. I think Eddie is always into some sort of hyperfixation to be trying to bang chicks or dudes.

There was totally a phase were he was obsessed with folk and old country music (Woody Guthrie much). There was the Jane Austen phase (It fits, c'mon). The time he tried to learn to crochet. His lasting phase with fantasy novels. His intense love of metal music. He knows a lot about music in general. Obscure shit. Oh, those handcuffs-definitely from his magic phase. Tell me, 12 year old Eddie didn't want to be a magician. He probably did card tricks, the whole deal.

Eddie would be the kind of guy who'd spout all sorts of random knowledge. He probably has one specific time period in history he could rant about for hours.

The man has raging ADHD (takes one to know one). He's a self-professed nerd and outcast. The only thing that might be considered "cool" is that he plays in his band. But even then, he's a total nerd about it.

Eddie is hot as hell. That is undeniable. But Eddie has been too damn busy being a fucking nerd to date or hook up. I think he's so focused on his interests, it could easily not have been on his radar. Same way he's failed senior year twice in a row despite being smart as hell. The shit they are trying to teach doesn't interest him and that makes Eddie fucking struggle.

He's bouncy and hyperactive. He probably has terrible tunnel vision when he gets into a book or movie or campaign. Dating has thus far not been interesting enough especially combined with how he's treated by the people in Hawkins.

So, yeah- he flirts and teases. He thinks it's harmless fun. With Chrissy, it was a way to make her feel safe and lighten the mood. With Steve, it's a way to disarm him. It's King Steve afterall. Why not play up the metalhead freak persona. Let him think he's weird.

It isn't until Steve starts flirting back and gives Eddie butterflies that Eddie realizes this is not heterosexual behavior. And he knows a lot about that because he was accidentally flagging for a whole goddamn year. Because he wanted to look metal as fuck and thought the bandana was badass.

Steve calls Eddie princess. Calls him pretty boy. Throws in a babe. Everytime Eddie refers to him as big boy or Stevie, Steve just smirks and comes up with a new pet name that wrecks Eddie (who has no idea what is fucking going on). Throw in the boys getting high together with no inhibitions and Steve actively trying to romance him and Eddie's in a full blown sexuality crisis.

best part: Steve thinks Eddie is gay because of the bandana that he wore all year. Add in all the flirting and then Steve's really putting the moves on totally clueless Eddie. And say what you want about Steve, but he has game. I can just imagine Eddie trying to frantically figure out why all of the sudden he wants to make out with Steve "the hair" Harrington and Steve's like...aren't you gay?

(if anyone knows of steddie fics anything like this, please rec them!)

[monsterfactoryfanfic]

Youtube Essays Shill Post

I'm getting close to 1000 subscribers so I'm gonna make a shill post for my channel. I make videos on independent RPGs (no D&D/Pathfinder etc), highlighting narrative moves, the intersection of mechanics and themes, and analyzing them in parallel with books, movies, and game theory. I've had a really great crop of essays this year, and I bet at least one of them will do it for you:

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Spire RPG & Babel: The Monstrosity of Empire, the Necessity of Violence (52 min)

I read Spire: The City Must Fall in parallel with RF Kuang's Babel: An Arcane History, and try to make the connection between Spire's worldbuilding and the British Empire's historical methods of extracting labor and resources from its colonized subjects. I'm especially proud of how I work through the ways in which Spire's Drow are treated as commodities, emulating how Britain's most valuable resource was human beings, and discuss why there's not an alternative available to the Drow except for violent uprising.

Heart RPG, Annihilation, and Sangfielle: Brainworms all the Way Down (38 min)

I follow the themes of compulsion, infection, and dissemination of a supernatural intelligence that I found both in Heart : The City Beneath and in Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation. It's kind of gross, but if you like reading about parasites, strange urges, and transformations that destroy the self, you'll probably be into this. I also make a few references to Friends at the Table's Sangfielle season, if you're a FATT fan.

Apocalypse Keys and Desperation to Belong (15 min)

Apocalypse Keys is a really interesting game, but it's also the most emotional game I read this year? It's all about heartbreak, longing, and trying to hold on to the people you love, even though you know you'll lose them in the end. The essay is also very much tied up in my feelings on diaspora, faith, and what it's like to be excluded, except for the home you make for yourself. It's also like, undeniably queer in a way I think a lot of folks will relate to.

The Endings of Hellwhalers and the Fewness of the Saved (28 min)

Okay I actually talk about being an ex-Catholic a lot, but this is my most explicitly religiously-inspired essay. I compare the text of Hellwhalers and its interpretations of Christian hell to the actual Catholic doctrines of hell, including the sermon that eventually made me break away from the Church altogether. If you like whales and religious trauma, please check this out.

###

Please consider taking a look at my channel! I hate having to beg for viewers, but there's just no other way to build an audience, and I'm really proud of the work I've done this year!

[sinimake]

Big agree with what you said about Johnshi. I've been in fandoms for a fuckton long time and this isn't new but damn does it bother me that in the year 2023 we still have to go through this.

It isn't only how the story goes for both Kenshi and Johnny (they meet at their lowest, go through hell together and come out of it as better people). It's also the banter in the intros (not only between them but also the fact that Kenshi and Johnny talk about each other to the others). And don't get me started with how their designs work : the blindfold is now forever tied to Johnny and the whole red/blue design going on.

But no. We can't have what would be the most organic relationship in the whole MK1 story. Instead we have Syzoth and Ashrah (which, don't take me wrong I LOVE them both) who happen to breath in the same room and possibly bond outside of the mainstory?

Agh sorry for the rant but sometimes I get bitter bc we couuuld have it aaaaaall >:(

EXACTLY 😤😤 I AM SO MAD!!!

Let me rant some more about this.

NRS was the first to introduce the first ever gay character in the fighter style video games. Love them for it, love that Taleena is canon. However, they're still pussayh for not making johnshi canon.

So i have been fangirl for more than a decade and IT IS ALWAYS THE SAME DAMN PROBLEM WITH BIG PRODUCTION COMPANIES they're so afraid of public backlash.

Let me tell you why not making Johnshi canon situation is different from Taleena and Kung Jin by opening big ass can of worms.

1. MK is dominated by cis hetero males. Yes, many people from various bg play the game, but it is undeniably true that the majority of fan base is men.

2. There's a phenomenon called the fetishization of lesbian and bisexual women. I am aware that I'm being controversial by saying this, but this fetishization makes the general public be more "accepting" of lesbain couple than the rest of the queer community, and it resonates mostly in straight men where they see queer women as objects that are simply putting on a show for the enjoyment of those watching.

This leads to my next point that it is a high probability that Taleena is allowed to be canon because the backlash from the cis hetero male fan base will be less than having gay relationship in the game. And let me tell you, Taleena interaction is bare minimum in the story mode!! I mean, yeah, they're trying to hide their relationship from others and the story is not exactly focused on them but they can be so much more! I can gloss over the lack of taleena content but was hoping for more in the future installment. But guess fucking what? Alternate universe Tanya and Mileena are rumored to be married to men in the upcoming mk1 side story.

Like imagine the vast possibility of having alternate universes where you can notch up the teased Forbidden Lovers trope but instead of having Taleena being happily united, NRS makes their only queer relationship straight???? *maniacal laugh* Honestly i will fight NRS on SIGHT. In my eyes, this only proves that they don't really care about queer representation, they're just filling the diversity qouta.

3. With what i said, NRS is a fucking coward for not making their popular male characters gay. You might bring up my boy Kung Jin but listen to me, debuting new queer character and making existing fan favorite character queer are completely different things. Kung Jin is first introduced in MK X and his sexual orientation is subtly suggested in the game. While Johnny Cage has been rated among the top Mortal Kombat characters by various gaming media publications.

If NRS made Johnny gay and in a relationship with Kenshi, imagine how fucking big the media coverage of them would have been. Literally, the second coming of that beer company queer backlash would have happened. Every gaming news outlet would be making articles on it. Johnshi would be trending on twitter.

I understand that it would be quite a risk to that to your business but guess what? They gave the most organic, the most heartfelt, the most tender story arc (ok i could be lil baised but you cant deny the chemistry) then slapped good ol' guys being pals and best friends forever crap on them 🙃

If Johnny and Kenshi were opposite gender, no cap, NO FUCKING CAP THAT THEY WOULD HAVE A FUCKING COUPLE.

4. I think Johnshi arc takes almost half of the story mode because we go through Johnny, Raiden, Kenshi, Baraka, Ashrah, Syzoth POVs till they come back from Outworld mission and in every chapter, Johnny and Kenshi get significant moments. And those moments are exclusive to only two of them, specifically tailored to them.

People say they're just friends, but i think the difference really shines if you consider that Kung Lao and Raiden are equally friends with them too. During outworld mission, Kung Lao has minimal dailogues and screen time when Johnny and Kenshi have interaction. If Kenshi and Johnny were just friends, they should have shown Kung Lao's reaction to Kenshi's blinding, Kung Lao's worry for Kenshi in the Shang Tsung's real laboratory, Kung Lao's line for Kenshi's regained sight RIGHT ALONG SIDE WITH JOHNNY.

What Kenshi and Johnny have exclusively belongs to them. That sets the difference between platonic friendship and the connection of those two.

Straight couples have less fucking interaction than one fucking scene and they are magically together. So tell me why the fuck Johnshi is not real

They SHOULD BE REAL and I'm so DONE with NRS

[bloodgulchblog]

Important question.

Which halo book is the most gay

Sorry this took a minute, I've been dying on the job lately and this ended up longer than intended. (I am under so much stress and writing absurd amounts about Halo canon is enrichment for me.)

First of all: Is anything in Halo hard-canon, completely undeniable, text-only no subtext, gay? The answer is: not much.

Cards on the table, jokes to the side, Halo is overall very sexless and, when it remembers sexuality exists and maybe a character would have a feeling about that, it's usually heterosexual. Halo was born in the early 2000s and is one of those properties that wears a "mature" coat of paint but knows that a huge percentage of its audience is probably teenagers and thus it's very scared of what would happen if their parents got mad. (This was even true when they were still making the games M rated.) The games have a lot of incidental dialogue with the marines and sangheili allies but it's the kind of thing of thing you know people let skate in 2007 because lol gay, hilarious.

It's one of those things where the only way to square it with, you know, the fact queer people exist in reality, is that queer people existing is commonplace and not taboo ergo it's not brought up. This isn't a great patch job and fixes nothing, but these are the hoops available to jump through if this is your chosen circus and you're trying to have a good time. Do the tigers at the circus have a good time? Probably not, actually. Let's move on.

There are two instances of the written Halo canon specifically and undeniably mentioning gay characters. (...Or at least there have been two for the longest damn time. If I blinked and missed something recent y'all should yell in the notes. The gay couple they kill in the TV show doesn't count.) They are both supporting cast characters in short stories written by the same author, Tobias S. Buckell, for each of the two short story anthologies.

The older story is "Dirt" in the Evolutions anthology, and there are two gay women in it. The first is Felicia:

The second is Allison:

Both of these characters die (Allison dies in an attack that happens literally seconds after this moment, but Felicia is important through the story until she goes). "Dirt" is good, contains the first mention of the Rookie, the most detail we've been given on ODST training, and is a love letter to Contact Harvest so it's following up on the messy pre-Covenant insurrection vs CMA vs UNSC tensions we haven't seen in as much detail since.

The second story is "Oasis" in the Fractures anthology and there is much much less here. The protagonist of "Oasis" is a girl whose remote desert community is being ravaged by a virus, and she's the only one able to set out across the desert in search of help (where she gets caught up in some infighting among the planet's Sangheili).

Nearer the start, she finds one of her neighbors burning the body of his partner, who has died of the virus. I'm not going to post it, it's very sad. They're one-scene characters and one of them is dead before we meet him.

Tobias S. Buckell is the only Halo writer who has given us canonically gay characters, and they're only supporting cast in short stories. I can't know why exactly (fuck if I know what has happened internally on Halo) but the why socially (society homophobic) is pretty obvious.

Honestly, I think the only other direct mention is there's a bit in the first YA novel where one of the kids teases another about whether a third is "his boyfriend" because they've been talking a lot and he's like no stoooop!! about it.

Anyway.

If we have to choose a gayest Halo book based on actual mention of gay people, the award goes to Halo: Evolutions because it has one story where a lesbian is a major character.

Having crowned this dubious king, let's move on to the subtext. It's fine. We're all on tumblr, we all understand having to descend into these mines to have fun.

There are a lot of very gay moments in some Halo stories. Certainly not enough to recommend a whole book to someone, because these are always incidental, but hey. I'm a master at chewing the scraps off the bones.

I'll lead with trying to answer the original question: What is the gayest Halo book?

I think to me, the most sustained gay vibe in a written-out Halo story is whatever was going on between Romeo and Dutch in the short run comic Helljumper.

The actual text of Helljumper is: Dutch has put in for a transfer to a non-combat post in order to be closer to his wife, Gretchen. Romeo is really upset about this and they have conflict about this through a big high octane ODST adventure that ends with Romeo saying "hey Dutch I've put in for a transfer too" while Dutch goes "oh uh, I talked to Gretchen about it and I canceled my transfer request..."

It's the intensity of Romeo's hurt feelings, and the obvious fondness between the characters. I'm not saying "Romeo/Dutch real." I don't like Romeo a whole lot (mostly due to later outings in the Buck novels) and Dutch is definitely very married to Gretchen. I don't actually care that much. But for the space of time where I was reading Helljumper thinking about it that way added more emotional interest and made sense.

For things that only last for moments, I have a little collection of bits and pieces.

First: The essence of the Lord of Admirals Forthencho oversharing with our poor boy Chakas about his Didact feelings. (From Primordium.)

A moment where you know how bad the Arbiter and the Rtas 'Vadum wish they could be reunited one day, from Shadow of Intent:

Also I think the strongest "oh you could build a romance out of that" moment with the Arbiter about the Chief is actually him fully prepared to tell Locke to fuck off over him in Halo 5, but having that conviction in the Arbiter's warrior crush on the Master Chief makes passages like the below (in Outcasts) fun:

Uhuh Thel you are commissioning art of him in your home? Tell us more.

(Yes, I'm playing, I know the saga wall is an important Sangheili cultural piece, I know-)

Zita, you may ask, do you have even a crumb for the lesbians?

Alright boss, best I got is probably Adriana-111 making tea for Melody Azikiwe after the Big Stressful Book Events have concluded (from Halo: Envoy)

Okay.

I think there might be more, so everyone feel free to use this post to shout out your favorite spots that you think are better if you read them gay.

[maddgical-boy]

madd ask game!! (from @scuttledusk!) yet another lantern eclipse guy because. well. i’m brain rotting i guess BUT!

his name is Pearl Artair! He’s 32 years old and uses he/him pronouns, and his faceclaim is Ncuti Gatwa <3 he’s so babygirl

Pearl is the owner of the Visionary, a queer nightclub/bar in the Violet District! He’s incredibly charismatic and capable of making just about anyone feel comfortable around him, and he also gives off distinct old money vibes (mostly through the way he speaks and dresses) despite that being entirely false lmfao. Big academic words, an English accent, and faux-designer clothes can get a guy a long way yk??

Pearl is undeniably a very kind person!! He cares about everything and everyone all the time so much that it hurts!! He does however have the unfortunate tendency to mask all that hurt behind a little charming smile, so. owie. He also has the need to feel like he’s in control of everything happening in his life, but he’s also very good at being in charge so most of the time it’s a win/win. And!! He’s got book smarts AND street smarts! double package baybee

sorry if this is wildly incoherent it’s uhhhhhHHH late here 😭 BUT! picture me slowly pushing him towards u across a poker table <3 here’s his collage

he is perfect. i shall matchmake him with ME /j

i think he would be a perfect match with my para august fitzsimmons! his faceclaim is shane madej, one of my favorite internet funny guys

august is a religious studies professor! (the science of religions) he strives to be a really good educator to all of his students and wants them to feel like they can come to him for any problem. (though, his kindness means he can often forgive people too much or be taken advantage of.) he loves learning new things about the world and telling people fun facts, as a treat :>

pearl and august would be so cute together imo, just two sweet guys out on the town. singlehandedly could create world peace HAVSKSJDF

but seriously they would be like that cute little couple everyone knows and thinks is wholesome. they both have issues with repressing negative emotions but knowing them, they would probably just take turns talking to each other about it lol

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

♥️,🥩, and 🍓 From Yunessa!

aww thank you! for this ask game, last one under the read more bc it got longg

❤️ (heart) - Who is the most important person to your character? To what lengths would they go to protect this person?

To Conficcare, Rametta is by far the most important person to him, which is why her rejection of him & his attempts to keep her safe from their mother cuts him so deeply. What lengths? well for as much as its known that he would pick Muro over Tesoro in a heartbeat, he would betray all of them for Rametta.

🥩 (steak) - Does your oc have any coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy?

Celias smoking comes to mind, she used it to calm herself, fit in/seem cool, but mainly to decease her appetite and lessen the hunger pains when there wasn't enough food [which was most of the time] Hes been trying to kick the habit for years with little long term success, but no matter how many gross images of the consequences Conficcare shoves in his face he always ends up rolling up a cig when things get stressful or he needs to think. [I mean, he knows hes gonna die young, its inevitable, why worry about cancer and fucking up your body when your not gonna be around in time for it?]

🍓 (strawberry) - Does your oc believe in anything? Are they superstitious? Religious? Atheistic? Has anything in their past made them this way?

Muro & Cecio [& Tesoro & Conficcare & Rametta] all have a complicated relationship with religion. Raised Roman Catholic [with some influence from Eastern Orthodoxy from the large amount of Ukrainian immigrants in their community] Much of their community was centered around worship, which meant that being rejected due to their trans and queerness was devastating when it happened.

Notably, Paula refused to go to church after she was deemed to be going against the will of god by accepting that Cecio was a trans boy and raising him as such- though given she opposed the priest by punching him in the face it wasn't like she was exactly welcome anymore. Celia also got much side eye when he started presenting fully as Muro.

Despite that [and the homophobia of Tesoros father & Conficcares mother that they justified through scripture and worrying for their childs souls] they all maintain quite a strong level of faith, keeping god in their own way. Muro notably often keeps his mothers rosary around his right wrist, hidden under the cuff of his jacket, Tesoro still goes to church and prays for forgiveness often, Conficcare goes occasionally, while Rametta used to go before she had an annoying atheist phase, but after her brothers death refuses to feel uncomfortable as herself in a house of god [She loves the 'god made us trans for the same reason he gave us wheat instead of bread and grapes instead of wine, so we could partake in the act of creation' [paraphrased] idea, and as she sees the world and many religious leaders become more accepting of trans & queer people she wishes so much that the rest of her family were there to see it]

I need to do more research into Catholicism bc while i was undeniably raised culturally christian i had very little interaction with protestant practice let alone catholic, but they are all very steeped in catholic practices and habits, while they question and disagree with spesific teachings- mainly around queerness- they are very much religious and it is important to them.

[bardicbeetle]

hey. Hey. You got any analysis of the Lost Boys or thoughts on the movie to share? who's your favorite character in it and why??

@abalonetea

Analysis on the movie I've been many levels of obsessed with since age 14 you ask?

...this is going to end up undercut for length I can already feel it.

The Lost Boys is my comfort movie, my I-feel-like-shit-nothing-is-fixing-it movie, my I-can't-write-please-help movie and my go-to for when I am inflicting media upon a new friend. I know it backwards forwards, upside down and inside out, I own the out of print novelization written by Craig Shaw Gardener, I posted the original prequel script to fanfiction.net in the early 2010s because I found it buried in a forum post and wanted it to be easier to find, I have listened to every version of cry little sister that G Tom Mac has ever put out in addition to the entire stage musical he produced. The fic I wrote for it in 2011 is still on Wattpad and to this day for some fuck ass reason gets 1000s of hits per year. I have another fic for it on ao3 that still takes up brainspace for me on a minimum weekly basis.

I.

Honestly do not know who I am as a writer if not for this film.

It is such a huge part of who I am as both a fan of media and a vampire writer and as a horror enjoyer in general.

And it is undeniably, baked into its bones, queer as fuck.

Not just from the overt point of here is a film in the 1980s about men sharing blood, directed by an openly gay man, hands us platonic and familial and romantic interactions between male characters, who are allowed to hold one another, allowed to express emotion, allowed to exist freely and without shame I am--so very abnormal about this movie.

I'll be the first to admit it's not perfect by any means, it very much exists a time capsule of its era, but also, to momentarily put the bar on the floor, it isn't slur laden and full of take-backs for any of the emotional vulnerability like other things around then were (see: Once Bitten, which while unarguably very much more on the comedy side of horror-comedy, i'm going to put into the same category by virtue of Camp Vampire Movies of the 80s).

It hands us one of my favorite mothers of all time. Lucy Emerson is a treasure, she spends the whole movie trying her goddamn best to remember that she is stronger than anyone gives her credit for. That she chose to divorce an abusive man, pick up her two sons, and leave without more than signing the papers and getting out. She doesn't care if they're poor, she doesn't care if she could have gotten something from her ex-husband, she wants her boys safe and there is a very large implication that sticking around to do the whole song and dance would have ended badly. Lucy lives for her sons, she wants so badly to make the world easier for them than it was for her, she wants to be part of their lives and part of their interests even if she does not understand them, and I maintain that Had Max Actually Succeeded, it would not have been long before the Lost Boys themselves were Lucy's as much as her own two sons, and that would not have ended well for Max. Protecting mother, lioness, made to be underestimated so you are always caught off guard.

Edgar and Alan Frog are near and dear to my heart, these idiot vampire hunter children were just so very much what my brother and I were in terms of Making Up Games To Play--ignoring the fact that for these two it's real, not that it ever had been before the Emerson family rolled into town and Sam's brother got mixed into the Lost Boys group. Edgar wanting to be in charge of things and wanting to protect the people he cares about and the town he is too stubborn to admit he loves despite being what, 12? 14? Alan being quieter but just as absolutely ready to go "yeah we are totally experts at this" as his twin, the fact that neither of them have any idea what they are getting into. Dipping barely into the sequels territory (which...they aren't good. by any definition. but Edgar and Alan are the best part of them both) we get Edgar dealing not only with his perceived loss of Alan to half-vampirism, but his whole loss of Sam after having to kill him and I just.

Ugh.

NOW, dipping into the main event there is Michael, who spends this whole movie just trying to figure out where the hell he's supposed to belong at this point. He doesn't see any point in starting a new high school in his senior year, he doesn't want to upset his mother by just absolutely dropping off the planet, he cares deeply about his family and wants to help however he can because they are struggling for money. So what does this seventeen year old kid do? He starts picking trash up off the beach for eight hours a day. He gives that money to his mother under the guise of it being "leftover from christmas" because he doesn't want her to worry about him working. He feels so fucking lonely without the friends he left behind in Phoenix and he feels like he's too old to supplant himself into a new friend group in Santa Carla before everyone goes their separate ways after high school anyways.

Enter Star and the Lost Boys.

Yes, Michael is taken in by Star because she's beautiful and mysterious and he's a teenage boy seeing nipples through a tank top, but beyond that he sees in her, in David and the others, how self sure they all are of the decisions they've made. This group is all within his age, they're all living in a goddamn sunken hotel half claimed by the ocean, they have motorcycles like him, they smoke weed and eat chinese food and Marko keeps pigeons and Dwayne can skateboard and Paul is a music nerd and what the fuck how do they manage to seem like they have their lives more together as a group of teenage runaways than he does?

He's enamored with it, obsessed with it, the movie speeds up a timeline of something that does in fact happen over the course of a couple weeks, of him hanging out with them, slowly experiencing more and more symptoms of vampirism from the blood he drank the first night, unable to stop coming back, unable to really figure out what it is they have figured out that he doesn't, and hoping that maybe if he stays with them he will eventually feel the same confidence in his own existence that they do.

But couple that with the horrifying reality that he is becoming a monster. His younger brother is terrified of him, the family dog bites him, the horses won't go near him, he pulls a mouse out of a trap freshly dead and squeezes it like a spent juice box into his mouth, he is falling apart at the seams by the time David decides it's time to finish things. And that's what David wants, he wants Michael in a position where he is no longer lucid enough to resist once there's blood in the air.

And it almost fucking works.

I stand by my belief that the entire movie hinges on the beach party where the Lost Boys kill a whole bunch of Surf Nazis. The whole thing, the outcome of the final fight, the failure of Max's plan, all of it hangs on that one night, and whether or not Michael can actually manage not to give into the bloodlust. He does manage, obviously, he leans into the shock and fear and near throws himself out of that tree because he knows that if he doesn't, he will join the blood bath happening not ten feet away. He is starving and exhausted and everything in him is screaming that if he just gave in, it would all feel so much better.

But he doesn't.

He lays in the sand until he cannot hear any heartbeats left.

Lays there clawing his hands into the ground like if he can hold himself still enough then maybe this will stop being real.

Three of the four boys don't pay much mind to this, Dwayne Paul and Marko have slipped back into regular antics despite being coated red. Their faces have returned to normal, their eyes no longer brilliant gold rimmed red, they are laughing and shoving and having a good time.

But David is furious. He's quiet about it, he isn't loudly angry, something I think he probably absorbed from Max over the years, he tells Michael what needs to be done if he wants to stay with them, and then he and the other Lost Boys leave him there in the sand, burnt flesh and ashes drifting down to him on the breeze.

The thing about David is that he realized the night on the train bridge that he didn't care about Max's bullshit plan. He didn't care that he was originally going to feed Michael to Star. He is fixated on getting Michael to join them, not just for himself, not just to keep Star around, but also because there's a refusal to give up in this kid that has him excited, a stubbornness that he wants to break. It's the thing that eventually leads to his death.

ANYWAYS.

I think, perhaps, I have yelled enough.

Oh, shit, favorite character.

I think without any doubt it has to be David. Especially after reading the novelization, the comics, the original prequel script, he's just, he is such an interesting character and his motivations are so obvious despite how much he would appear to hold them close to his chest. He's a root character I can trace a lot of the tropes that carry over in my own antagonists to, and some of my protagonists as well.

double anyways, camp vampires from 1987 my beloved.

Thank you Katie <3

[scoupsahoy]

so i, like most people, pretty much subscribe to the bisexual steve harrington and bisexual nancy wheeler cinematic universes and all that and i've never really had any conflicting thoughts about it

but i was thinking about it this morning and i'm having gay thoughts and i just wanted to pitch them as a lesbian projecting my experiences onto these guys

specifically steve and nancy are so interesting when thinking about this because - partly because they dated - their fanon identities are SO popular and pretty rigid that it's almost accepted as canon. and i dont want to step on that at all but i do want to explore it...

i'm gonna go back and forth but we're gonna dip our toe in with steve.

the thing about him is that basically since season 1 he's been - not queer coded - but definitely immediately latched onto by both fandom and the actors as queer in some way. the guy who played tommy hagan apparently played tommy as harboring feelings for steve, same with dacre as billy, and the way ostensibly one of the only popular ships in the first couple of years or so was stoncy. so like there's this groundwork there which is admittedly impacted by the fact that joe is like. an attractive white adult man. obviously.

but i'm sitting here as a lesbian also really drawn to steve for a lot of reasons but particularly because i see a lot of myself in him? i'm running with something here okay -

season 1 steve is head over heels for nancy. that's, like, undeniable, and honestly the main reason people think he's attracted to women at all but !

he's practiced. he knows what to say to girls. and everyone tells him he's barking up the wrong tree. nancy is too smart for him and honestly super uncomfortable when tied to him. she's playing hard to get, that's his favorite game. she sleeps with him, sure, but she doesn't tell anyone about it, she doesn't like how affectionate he is all the way up to season 2, is honestly incapable of saying she loves him. he's heartbroken by that, but he's not surprised. he's spent a lot of time basically trying to force this pretty little box to close tightly and it bursts open in his hands. and he's upset even though he knew it wouldn't all fit.

there's this through-line with nancy that she's being misunderstood all the time and she resents it, that she knows what she wants and makes it clear to herself but nobody can read her well enough to figure it out. and steve is part of that. she's vaguely uncomfortable with him and his affection and how much he loves her and honestly deeply resents him for not being able to see her and her priorities.

for nancy, she's with steve because he's nice and funny and attractive and he's who she should want to be with. he makes her feel good and gives her butterflies and whatever but it's not really steve she likes, is it? she likes that steve likes her and fights for her and respects her and shows her love and for a year she convinces herself that that's what love is!!

but it's not. of course it's not. she didn't love steve and she doesn't even really know she doesn't until he asks her to say it. and she can't. she didn't know she was lying until she was confronted with it and it's deeply sad for steve but it's also deeply sad for her.

maybe this is just me projecting as someone who was "boy crazy" through middle and high school, but the person you have tricked yourself into thinking you loved noticing that you don't, won't, can't love them, feels like shit. you want to prove them wrong. you want to prove yourself wrong.

because nancy is different than steve. after barb dies, she is no longer friendly with like. any girls. at all. honestly until season 4 when ronance started to get popular she was probably most often headcanoned as this badass straight girl or whatever, which is fine obviously, but also maybe by design?

her best friend is a lesbian (overwhelmingly in fanon) and after she dies she only interacts with men until robin. boys understand her and she wants to prove to them that she's tough and they like her, she's the queen of hawkins high or whatever fred benson says to her.

like. immediately after she ends things with steve, she's with jonathan, because he likes her a lot and he sees her more clearly than steve did and she thinks: okay this is what i needed, this one is right, it's better, it's good

come season 3, she's frustrated again because jonathan doesnt really understand her the way she wants to be understood. but they love each other! she wants to make this work! she's the most driven person she knows, she is determined and stubborn and after everything, there's no reason she shouldn't want to be with jonathan. so they make it work and it's good. all patched up.

brief look back at steve: hitting on women and completely striking out this entire season. it's comical actually. it's actually embarrassing how bad he strikes out, it's like his spark is gone, like he's not even trying! he hardly has the time, anyway, with the kids and work and the upside down. all that.

and then, after some pressing with dustin, he falls for robin. like falls for her. and she's totally different from nancy, because nancy wasn't emotionally available, nancy would never have been able to love him, he's come to terms with that. but robin?

oh she's a lesbian.

season 4. steve is going on dates with girls he doesn't like, who don't like him, who he's not even interested in. robin points it out: you have no idea what you want. which is true. he's very easily swayed. he falls fast and hard but it's never good, he wants something REAL. robin knows exactly what she wants. if only they could combine...

enter nancy wheeler. getting slow-motion broken up with by her boyfriend, too busy to care. boys love her, by the way, she's sought-after, but she has a good excuse. she has a boyfriend that lives far away. she doesnt know why he doesn't come to visit her, but she's also not really interested in coming to visit him either. they're at a stalemate. and it's perfect. she gets to live her life free of romance because she technically already has a boyfriend who loves her very much.

and then her and steve are thrown back together again, and they're so different from how they used to be after less than a year and a half. they've grown and they. woah, they want completely different things. he wants six kids and she thinks that's a nightmare. she doesn't want to be like her mom, doesn't want some big nuclear family, and the problems she and steve had haven't gone away, but she still flirts with him. she thinks it's fun. it doesn't mean anything. she's with jonathan now.

and everyone is up both of their asses like: oh my god nancy and steve need to get back together, they lost each other along the way, they were destined to be together.

but really. steve couldn't be going after someone less interested in him if he tried, with nancy. not with robin or the girls he goes on dates with. he's so positive he likes girls, and these girls never ever like him back (and when they do... he's painfully disinterested), and he doesn't consider why he keeps crawling back to something so unattainable on purpose. over and over again.

and nancy, really is only chasing the opposite of what other people expect from her. she doesn't want to be her mom. she doesnt want to be with steve. she doesnt want to be with jonathan. but thats what everyone thinks she wants. and the worst part is that she doesn't really know what she wants! because this is what she knows she's supposed to want! she's got to be with some man if she's going to get anywhere she wants in life. but god, it is never about the men at all.

im just sitting here holding steve harrington by the face, like: please examine why you are exclusively interested in women that want nothing to do with you. examine why you're so determined to make things work with people you know it will not work with.

and i'm sitting here holding nancy wheeler by the face, like: please examine why you are exclusively interested in men only when they've expressed romantic interest in you first. examine why you're so determined to stay in relationships that you're unhappy in for way past their expiration date. because being pursued feels worse.

i'm just saying that all the crushes i had when i was in high school ended up coming out as gay after graduation or were otherwise extremely disinterested. and every guy i did date had to literally corner me in a hallway to ask me out before the last day of school or something so i wouldnt literally run away from them.

[yuripira4e]

ur points are fine but do you really have to put an obnoxious anon in the mgs tag talking shit abt one of the few games with gay male rep "made up yaoi" and claiming bb/eva is like a Real Canon pairing and not they fucked one bc eva was trying to get something from him and if you want to talk about women her feelings towards him were clearly a lot more complicated than it just being a ship. virtue signaling is also acting like you have to publicly blog about female characters to show that you care and respect them. also strangeboss WAS very popular, more so when the game came out for what its worth. if you really want to get into the nitty gritty im always pretty disappointed that ppl interpret their relationship as cute mutual attraction and ignore that strangelove has an obsession with the boss that likely makes her an unreliable narrator, which imo isnt a bad thing!! i legit think thats really interesting, zero and bb talk a lot about the boss and her will from the pov of soldiers but strangelove equally puts her on a pedestal imo. yeah thats not a good trope for a lesbian character but again! if you want to get nitty gritty. theres a really clear pattern in the mgs series where only villains are CANONICALLY bi/gay, but theres a lot of heavy handed queer coding among the "good guys"

I agree with you too. I’m sorry for putting discourse in the tag. 1. strange boss is a complex dynamic and as much as I love it it is ultimately from Strangelove’s pov. I think that’s just a reoccurring theme with the boss in general. I mean the entire game is centered around the misinterpretation of her will and everyone taking what they thought she meant from it and warping it to for their own perception. I do think strangeboss was mutual but Strangelove was definitely not healthily crushing on the boss either. I haven’t been in the fandom that long so I actually didn’t know the ship was that popular at one point but you have to admit it does get overshadowed as do a lot of female pairings (straight or queer) in the fanbase

2. I already said I don’t ship bb ships. I love Eva and I think her complex relationship with bb and other characters should absolutely be talked about and I enjoy their dynamic so that’s why I said I liked their relationship but not endgame

3. I do think the made up yaoi thing was kind of rude bc I don’t think it was made up at all (I should have said that on that but I don’t really feel like starting arguments or defending shit). I think the mlm representation in the game is honestly really groundbreaking even if it does adhere to a lot of stereotypes and unfortunately villainize it a lot. But it has multiple relationships and single characters in queer or queer coded mlm relationships that differ in age, ethnicity, dynamic, and backstory which is just insanely cool. From like canonically queer characters like volgin and vamp and I’m gonna say ocelot bc I think pw put him past queer coded and into fully implied queer territory to deep, healthy, interesting queer coded relationships like otasune and even liquidmantis I think it’s amazing and should not be minimized even if it could be improved or there are faults in the way other characters are treated because of it at times which is something every fanbase has. Even other ships that I don’t like have a lot of really interesting dynamics and feelings that are undeniably queer coded and I think we should just look at all of it and enjoy the queer media we’ve been given while being able to critique it and not turn on each other

[merrycrisis-if]

sorry if this is silly but you have no idea of how emotional this game makes me - like... every update I end up crying rivers and rivers, and I mean this in the best way possible. I love it, your writing is touching and beautiful, and merry crisis is easily one of my favorite ifs/games in general ever.

I am queer, live in an small island and it's one of the most catholic places in the country, so mc and their experiences is so relatable that it hurts.. the family problems and the inability of letting go because they're your family regardless and you still love them. the looming fear of not being accepted and the undeniable truth that perhaps you will never be enough. of loving and hating the place where you live/lived, of not having a home but still feeling like you're a part of that place. The controversy and conflict in general.

And don't even get me started on qiu. Oh my freaking god, Qiu is just. One of the best characters ever?? I love all your characters, but he is just so special to me; perhaps because I can see both my present self and my past one in him, and his relationship with MC is just... the angst. the pain. it's amazing, really. I cry everytime, and I keep replaying this game almost religiously lol. The primal urge of every child to please their parents, regardless of how they are, the thing of taking people for granted just because they're so special that it's unfathomable the idea of you losing them, and god, losing people because of your parents or just because of the seemingly impossibility of losing them. Everything.

The settings are so good as well, you can easily picture the places and the mood, even if you know little to nothing about Singapore or NY.

Even the characters that aren't the main ones are incredibly fleshed out, and they feel like real people.

Sorry for the long ask that isn't even an ask, but I really wanted to say all of this. Thank you for this game, truly!

The family problems and the inability of letting go because they're your family regardless and you still love them. the looming fear of not being accepted and the undeniable truth that perhaps you will never be enough. of loving and hating the place where you live/lived, of not having a home but still feeling like you're a part of that place. The controversy and conflict in general.

The primal urge of every child to please their parents, regardless of how they are, the thing of taking people for granted just because they're so special that it's unfathomable the idea of you losing them

Oh my godddd anon you get it :''))))

I love you, and I love that you love the game. Sending you lots of good vibes! I'll be in my corner on the universe, figuring out my shit, rooting you on as you figure out your shit! :)

P.S. Small island people are the best people. Yeah, I said it :P Fun fact: did you know, everyone I've ever loved has been from a small island? Yep.

[milkmaidovich]

Milkmaidovich Plays Catch-up

I am BEHIND pals

Had a long week and a half of Book Stuff to finalize (who knew cover design would take up so much of my brain [it's me, I knew]) but it's all finished so it's time to CATCH UP!

(This post will be a Tag Game Tuesday post, with everything else getting its own)

Jul 18 Tag Game Tuesday

Thanks to @howlinchickhowl @auds-and-evens @mickeyheartian @scurvgirl , @tanktopgallavich , @metalheadmickey , and @vintagelacerosette for the tags!

name: kat

pronouns: she/her

where do you call home? A state I don't particularly like in the southeastern US (it’s very red which is hard for this queer anti-capitalist socialist) but it was a career-related move so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite animal: hiphopopopotamus

cereal of choice: love me a strawberry & yogurt Joe’s-O from Trader Joe’s, or the churro Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and also a Honey Nut Cheerio if I can’t get the other two

are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner? Kinesthetic is the main one, the writing/doing is helpful for my ADHD, especially if I mix and match with visual/auditory

first pet? Carnival Goldfish that we had living in a crystal punch bowl

favorite scent? Tuberose, amber, oud, leather (I love a darkspicy scent)

do you believe in astrology? Eh? Kind of? I see some undeniable traits of the signs in myself and those around me but also I see a lot of incorrect stuff so it's more for fun than for basing life choices on

how many playlists do you have on spotify/apple music? Literal hundreds, I'm not going to count

sharpies or highlighters? Sharpies FOREVER

a song that makes you cry: uhhhhh most recent one is Unknown/Nth by Hozier

a song that makes you happy: SO MANY! Most recently: The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala (Suck It and See is always in heavy rotation in the summer)

and finally, do you write/draw/create? if so, use this as an opportunity to shamelessly (😉) promote yourself! I write sometimes! Hopefully more now that I've got some more time! Find me on AO3

July 25 Tag Game

Thanks to @celestialmickey, @transmickey, @lupeloto, @harrowhark-a-vagrant, and @scurvgirl for the tags!

name: kat

age: 33

pronouns: she/her

your sun sign, MBTI type, and enneagram type (google them if you’re not sure!): cancer 🦀, ENTP-T, 9w1/8 (I don't really understand the MBTI/enneagram stuff if someone feels like explaining)

how tall are you? 5'3.5" (1.6m, 161cm)

what color are your eyes? Greeeeeeen

the last time you saw a movie in theaters (bonus: what was it?): UH the super Mario movie with my kid? I think? A couple months ago

favorite dessert: peach pie/cobbler ALWAYS

outer space or the ocean? The ocean, why the fuck do we need to keep going to space when the ocean is RIGHT THERE

you’re in a McDonald’s drive thru, what are you ordering? 10pc chicken nugget, fries, sprite

are you good with plants? Maybe?????? Genuinely unsure

would your current self and high school self get along? Lmao maybe?????? Honestly it's 50/50

a food you can’t stand: FUCK BEETS

something you’d do if money were no object: TRAVEL AND CONCERTS AND TRAVELING TO CONCERTS

the last app you opened on your phone (tumblr doesn’t count!): DayForce

and finally, compliment yourself! You are better at learned skills than you give yourself credit for!!

Since these are so behind I won't tag anyone but if you didn't get tagged and want to play, consider this your tag!