#and they should not be bc they have to prepare for a call
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can you hear that?? that is the sound of my heart breaking for jiang cheng for the hundredth time someone get this guy a hug preferably a hug from his sister
#ig he was going to her for guidance and comfort after what happened with wwx#only to see her with jin zixuan so he turns away to not bother them#baby you could have still gone to her!!!#you could have!!!!!#someone hug him#now!!!!!#jiang cheng#mdzs#gwen's liveblogging again#and they should not be bc they have to prepare for a call#but alas
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"Children should be dragged kicking and screaming to school and the doctor's office and grandma's house and the park" is not and never will be a pro-child opinion.
If your kid doesn't want to go to school so much that they throw a temper tantrum and scream until they go hoarse, and your response is "shut up because you have to go" the problem is still you ignoring your kids needs and you're a shitty parent.
#I always remember a fight I got into on Reddit about this woman complaining that her kid hated broccoli#Because SHE had power and her 4 year old did not this meant that every meal had to feature broccoli#So literally every meal was a fight with her 4 year old and she called it a “power struggle”#Ma'am he's 4#The complaint was he's manipulative and awful and bratty because when he started crying his dad would say he didn't have to eat the broccol#She literally described her own toddler as spoiled#Anyway we as the audience were supposed to side with her against her indulgent husband since she was a SAHM and knew everything#My comment was obviously stop trying to make him eat broccoli?#Her response was that children HAVE to eat vegetables and I wouldn't understand bc I didn't have children#If she didn't force feed her toddler vegetables the vegetable police would shoot her or something#When I said yes but there are dozens of types of vegetables why can't he eat a carrot?#I was informed that she controlled what he ate and he needed to eat what she fed him#Like the only person causing a fight is you#You are unhinged and that child should not be in your custody#But somehow I was crazy for saying that if your kid doesn't like something don't feed them it?#I was told children have to be force exposed to things they don't like especially if they don't like them#So they don't grow up to eat limited diets which is apparently more embarrassing than your kid crying so hard he throws up#And refusing to eat any food that you prepare#But I'm the crazy one!
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It's all about Nagi living alone in a tiny one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with zero personality and Reo having a whole floor for himself but still living surrounded by tacky-expensive home decor with no apparent traces of his actual personality, either. It's all about how Nagi's parents haven't visited him in 2 years nor taken an interest in his life since, while Reo's are content to live floors apart from their teenage son, only taking an interest in what value he can bring to Mikage Corp but being otherwise uninvolved in / dismissive of his actual life. It's all about them being surrounded by people and still not knowing how to form a meaningful connection with another person before meeting each other. It's all about them being so starved for genuine human warmth to combat their bone-deep loneliness that they both treasure memories of tiny, inconsequential moments where they were spending time with their parents. Something something it's this line,
and how it describes them both despite being said about Reo. It's them being awkward 17-year-olds who had never before had an equal who would just respect them as they are and unconditionally look their way. In this essay I will-
#Blue lock#Blue lock spoilers#Mikage reo#Nagi seishirou#Bllk thoughts#This chapter was sooooo good#Gosh. Just as I was grumpy about epinagi getting boring without all the emotional deep dives that made it so interesting in the first place#They go and give us this bonus chapter. What a feast#I wish every month could be like this#This gave so much perspective to why they are the way they are#Most of it is not new information but I really loved all the foiling in this omake#Truly drives it home how both get their drive from their partnership bc they crave meaningful connections#Like. I had a whole post about how they're both each other first friend#And even then it couldn't have prepared me to the reveal of reo living in a whole ass empty skyscraper by himself#Did you also notice the distinct lack of soccer paraphernalia in his house or was that just me#Heck there isn't even a single soccer ball in sight...#And he calls Nagi's room void#Gosh they're both so fascinating#Of course they're bored out of their mind before meeting each other. Imagine being that understimulated and that lonely#I'm surprised they're this functional tbh. If anything they should be More mentally ill#I sure would lose it after a week at Reo's place#At least nagi owns mangas come on
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sometimes when a con is coming up my coworkers and hang out after work at some space at our workplace making our cosplays which is great and chill bc i love doing my crafts in an environment where i feel at ease. anyways. one of them needs to look after her cat and she suggested that we do our thing at her place. which. yeah ofc! but also day instantly ruined from slight deviation to plans. i was supposed to go home. grab my materials. eat. grab an energy drink to go and drink it while sitting on the floor of a meeting room doing stuff to foam clay. but now i have to go to someone's house. i havent been there before. i am not at ease at anyone's house almost ever. i will be too anxious to get shit done. i will not be able to enjoy my energy drink as i dont want to be sipping it at someones House yknow. and i'm also terrified of being in the way or in someone's turf when im not at all familiar with the place. i cant sit on the floor at someones fancy home idk if i can manage working under conditions that aren't shrimp pose.
#i will be SO brave tonight at the cost of my social battery#which is fine ig since i dont have work tomorrow. just fun things.#but friday and saturday will b suuper busy as there's a music festival i actually enjoy and im going there with 2 friends 2nd year in a row#which will also be fun#but draining#but not so draining that it would require anything more than sleeping in on sunday#anyways do you guys think i should finally do something about my social anxiety#i mean i should and i could bc of work healthcare but idk how to do that#i need a step by step#and i cant get one bc ill just get a ''just call there''#which. i can do phonecalls nowadays. but i will not be able to say anything i want to so i will need to prepare#anyways welcome to my anxiety rant i will now go back to editing on the clock lmao#leevi talks
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Reading up on the people on my election ballot and there's some combination of "can ANYONE tell me what their policies actually are???" (Specifically with the smaller offices) VS "Oh, so YOU'RE the reason why Indiana has an abortion ban! Duly noted!"
#speculation nation#there are 4 indiana justices with retention up for a vote (on my ballot at least) and 3 of them signed the abortion ban shit.#so guess who im going to vote against retention for :]#i know theyre not policy makers in the same way that the governer or whatever is#technically theyre just there to make judgement calls about what the law actually Is.#but. But. that doesnt change the fact that theyre the ones that signed the abortion ban into place.#So What if they didnt make the policy themselves? they still chose to steamroll opposition and put into place a ban from the early 1800s#indiana is among the 16 worst states for abortion now. thanks to these assholes.#And So. well apparently indiana's never successfully voted against retention for any of its justices#but Why Not Start Now? im fuckin pissed. a lot of people are fuckin pissed. and these 3 justices have got to go.#we dont get to vote for who takes their places but at least they MIGHT be justices that are willing to hear us out.#and regardless. i want to get back at them for it. :] so even if they Technically did their jobs. i want them Out.#anyways i went looking at the representatives and senate seats and the democratic nominees seem fine.#some of the smaller offices dont have democrats running. just republican or libertarian.#dear god help me im gonna be voting for a republican this election. just one.#specifically bc it's an office that doesnt have anything to do with politics. and the guy running against her seems uhhhh#like he really doesnt care for the position?? he just wanted to put libertarians in more view.#so im like. ok for this one we really should have the person who's already got experience with the job and actually Cares about it.#for some of the other ones... god i dont know. these were the ones who were awful about listing their policies.#might just not touch the county school shit at all. theres Nothing on these people online and i have no direct stake in this#man. many things to think about. i still got some time b4 im voting but i wanna be prepared.
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send help. it's supposed to be 91 degrees tomorrow. on my day off :(
#a sock speaks#work tag#food tag#it was high 80s today but I didn't even notice bc the air conditioner at restaurant job is punishingly high powered#I was wearing my long sleeved undershirt and leggings without any discomfort#but I have to run errands tomorrow and my car has no AC. the house also has no AC but is okayish at staying cool.#I wanted to make pizza today but didn't have time. might be too hot for pizza tomorrow :( but my ingredients are aging in the fridge#I finally got a paycheck but it's for the 2nd period I worked. I'm missing the first one and need to talk with the regional manager#and he's only in on Thursdays#also gotta request a day off to go to Portland with my cousin in 2 weeks#also gotta request off for orchestra which also starts in 2 weeks#also my aunt is trying to recruit me for a caregiving job and I'd have to take 3 weeks off to get trained#it'd be super easy to schedule both jobs once I'm trained but the training is a big time commitment#also restaurant job scheduled me for all graveyard shifts this week. if I can't adjust my sleep schedule I'll have to give a firm no on it#also gotta go to the bank to deposit my check and. uh. all of August's tips (terrifying)#also gotta call a vital records office in Maine about my mom's birth certificate bc we're trying to take her to Canada for her birthday#I don't think we have enough time but my sister wants to do it#also I want to finish knitting this sock that I started in June. I just have the toe left#also I finally confirmed the color and pattern for a baby blanket I'm preparing as a gift so I gotta get yarn#also I need to buy blackout curtains to fit my windows so I can sleep in the day if I work nights#also sometime this week my sister is cleaning the church. I want to go with her so I have an excuse to get ice cream from a shop nearby#also I need to clean my room and I should hang up the art prints & postcards I've been collecting for months#most of them are green to match my decor but some are just characters or scenes I like#oh! I also owe a postcard to a school friend#I had caffeine for the first time in several days and my brain is buzzing. there's so much I want to do and I have time to do it#and I'm excited about it!
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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grandma's real bad for my 'don't anger yourself into further digestive disorders' goal
#was on a call and basically said she thinks that they should bring back 6 months military training#'some men just need to get more serious/disciplined... I mean they need to be prepared to defend their country#am i supposed to? I mean women?'#I would rather for the rest of eternity have unserious and even borderline immature men than#Make a single person go through the abusive brainwashing that is military training#That they might come outof with even an inkling of thinking it's okay to kill someone#They're apparently conscripting again??? If that's what they call it#Coming to your house and asking about sons and whatever#First time saying it but thank fuck brother is abroad in america#And uncle and cousin live in germany#Uncle did that bcs it was obligatory then and he came back so... Out of it ig is the word#that he married the first woman he found that's like p cruel just to get tf away from my grandparents#And he moved like 16 hours away and never came back except on holidays#Also they're fucking 50+??? Leave them the fuck alone lol#Just. So mad so mad so mad how brainwashed is this country they think this is ok#And more likely than not what the army the president is arming 'but doesn't threaten anyone!' is planning for#Is further ethnically cleansing ppl who rightfully hate our guts#Just horrified and furious all around
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🤞 if all goes well (which it doesn't often but who knows!!!) i should be able to get my adhd meds tomorrow 🤞
#i was supposed to be increasing my focalin dose. my pharmacy hasn't been able to get the new dose but they have my old one#my pharmacist said to wait until this morning bc he was expecting a shipment today but the shipment didn't have any focalin (shocker 🙄)#so i had to message my doctor asking for a prescription for the lower dosage and i know she normally works short hours fridays#nevermind the fact it's the friday before christmas#but she got back to me an hour ago and called in the prescription for the lower dose 🙌#it hasn't been working great but it's better than not being on any meds at all#my pharmacist told me i'm the only person who has been on the lower focalin dose sooo it should still be available tomorrow morning 🤞#if not. well i had already mentally prepared to spend my entire long weekend being a potato on my couch#this is only a bandaid bc my pharmacy only has 40 pills & the low dose focalin is on backorder too but y'all i am living 1 month to the nex#m.txt
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i havent seen any episodes since 2x3 but i think its SO interesting that the fandom will continuously say ben has no power and that no one cares hes an adult but the moment he doesnt step in to help deliver a baby its suddenly "hes annoying" and "you said yourself youre the adult step it up"
#yj spoilers#also like. as far as im aware he has continued to spiral and hallucinate constantly#and also like. i feel like trying to deliver a baby may be Difficult considering his leg situation bc like. idk how they were set up#but i dont think he can like. sit on the floor and he sure as hell cant kneel since one leg doesnt have a knee anymore#like im sure he probably could've helped somehow but i think. i dont think its fair to constantly emphasize his powerlessness#and then get mad when hes. not using what power he does have#'he taught the health class!!' 'he never learned more than pressing play on the video???'#i cant imagine the gay man would be actively preparing himself to know how to deliver a baby also i dont think that childbirth is like#taught in schools but i could be wrong#saw someone say he should know what to do because 'at his grown age one of his friends would've given birth' but like. its not like#its not like he would BE there for that#me getting defensive of ben without seeing the episode or knowing the context akshwls#its very possible that i will watch the episode eventually and they will be right its true#but i just.#ALSO i see so many people complain that bens even still alive and there bc hes a boy but then they complain when their main characters#are stepping up and doing things while he stays out of it#i think. its also quite possible i dont actually care that much ab this and the person talking just had an attitude and it annoyed me more#everyone in the replies was calling ben annoying and im >:(#ive also just been not in the best mood so i think im just channeling my feelings into this thing that doesnt matter akshskskd#negative cw
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#delete later#ibuprofen my one true love#off to try and get some more tomorrow. in a self destructive mood might go without my crutch. nah thatd be a terrible idea.#didnt take painkillers today abd shits swollen so maybe that's enough being shitty to mu body for this week#whats the phrase harm reduction or whatever. also gonna see if i can get sone body butter or whatever that body moisturiser is called#trying to reduce the impulse to scratch at my skin and maybe replacing it with moisturising will help? might at least#reduce the impulse if im Smooth TM#idk man im in s state and the education stress is gonna continue to ramp up so its defo gonna get worse#i need to prepare so i don't fucking lose it completely#booked time off work in may to have a breakdown bc i should be finished by then. i plan to stay beneath my weighted blanket#for the week#god im tired#and ow. but its fine.
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Some ppl are so proud of hating stuff like lol we get it your walls are impenetrable and being insufferably intolerant as you are is dope and everybody thinks you’re so so big and strong lmao can you like go home dude
#hey man that post about how actually you think people should be bullied for liking x was so contrarian#I thought it was really insightful and so being real of you to#stick it to the idea that having fun is ok that blew my mind dude I was like ‘whoa!!! you cant say that!!!!’#and when someone called you mean or whatever and you replied ‘based’??? that just showed how like#how you’re really prepared to take on the world and no one else is bc they’re not ironic enough#everybody online is super impressed by your brevity and lack of character#your commitment to being as soul-draining as a ‘positive vibes only!!!’ type is inspiring or something#lol just go sit in your car for an hour dude
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#i hate applying for jobs i hate applying for jobs i hate applying for jobs i hate applying for jobs#why should i have to chase ppl or apply for the same job multiple times just 4 someone to acknowledge my application thats so stupid#im genuinely so aggravated rn#why???#like- what is the purpose#them mom calls one place i applied for. says I'm a perfect fit for their store#then *schedules me an appointment with the store manager TOMORROW WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME*#id like- i dunno a fuckin day or 2 to prepare instead of getting thrown into this like i know what I'm doing#what the hell am i supposed to wear. do i do my makeup. do i have to style my hair like- fucking????#*slams face on table**slams face on table**slams face on table**slams face on table**slams face on table*#i wish i could get paid to just fuckin- exist. bc that in itself is exhausting#elliot rambles#rant in the tags#job rant#delete later maybe
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i'll be taking a break from tumblr bc i really need to focus more on my studies 🙈🙊🙉
#i had a panic attack when i woke up this morning my heart was beating so fast#bc it dawned on me how much time i have already wasted and how little time i have left to prepare for my exams#went outside in the cold to breathe some fresh air and calm myself down#my dad was there and as soon as i saw him i started crying..#he embraced me & told me that i don't have to be scared & that everything will be fine he kissed my head & kept holding me#this means the world coming from him bc he's not a man of many words & usually doesn't show a lot of affection#and usually when i complain & whine about my studies he doesn't take me seriously at all & is rather annoyed#but this was obviously very different my heart really hurt from beating so fast & i'm glad he saw that i genuinely needed comfort#i stayed outside in the cold breathing crying looking up in the sky & watching birds until i calmed down a little#and i know i need to delete this app off my phone in order to stop self sabotaging#i waste sooooooo much time on here just endlessly scrolling#this has become somewhat of a safe space for me but i keep neglecting my studies bc of it#like relax the pretty pictures will still be here after you come back not failing your exams is more important!! 😭#i probably should be writing this into my journal instead of here but i haven't been able to find it for months now so 🙃#anyways.. please pray for me that i pass all of my exams at this point i don't even care about my grades anymore i just want to pass!!🙏🏻#stay safe and take care love you all 💗#i might still come on here from time to time to like some posts on desktop but feel free to call me out if you see me on here too much!#☁️
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messed up at work again bc no one left me instructions. feel like ending it all 😩
#helpppp why would she not leave instructions for something so important!! and i need to do it again three more times!! i’m stressed!!#for context the librarian i’m subbing for like. didn’t tell me i have to walk to two classes to read to special ed kids#it’s not even written on the schedule#so the teacher called me like hey where are you please bring a book#and when i showed up that’s when the paras said it’s a special ed class#so i was totally unprepared and i tried to make it interactive as i read to them but i had no idea what i was doing#because the book had more words than i’d ordinarily pick if i knew i was reading to children with learning disabilities#and i’d showed it to the teacher beforehand and asked if i should forego the words and just discuss the pictures interactively#and she said no?? so of course the kids weren’t really interested in it#i asked to sit down because it’d be better to connect with them if i were at their level but she said no the librarian usually stands#and i’m just so?? thrown for a loop?? bc if i’m not supposed to use the strategies i’d think to use then like what does she normally do??#the teachers and paras were obviously unimpressed and i don’t know how to do better#i have a simpler book in mind next week m#but i need to read to a second special ed class tomorrow and i don’t know how i would prepare/how to be more interactive than i already am??#so i’m terribly embarrassed and i want to do better for the kids i just have no idea how#i’m trying to look strategies up but everything is vague like ‘point out pictures!! be interactive!!’ that’s what i do!!!!! i need specifics#ughhhh#anyways.txt
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my brain is squelched.
#so tired so so so tired and people are like confirm this decide on that#I have one brain cell! barely! I am running away and leaving my cell phone behind!!!!!!!!!!#thought#also I need someone to shake me and tell me firmly that I'm not allowed to apply for random internships out of panic#will it get me to Europe? sure. will it drain me of any reserve brainpower I'll manage to build up before my next degree? yes.#my ma's cousin called yesterday and she said /it's shitty how everyone expects you + your ma to play nurse to multiple old people/#/you should be preparing for the next phase of your life not waiting around in doctors' offices and babysitting distant relatives/#and I nearly cried down the phone bc I feel so selfish and horrible when I have these thoughts myself.#it was so validating to hear her voice them separately of my own thoughts and without the crushing guilt
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