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#and they just never noticed he was gone
follfoxes · 2 years
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Don't ask him questions if you're not ready for the answer. Also some super minor world building...an atmosphere dense enough to turn the average human into goo--
Imagine if Clone's species is like...a hyper intelligent breed of slime that can change their form at will. Like Dopplegangers from D&D. But his dna being mixed with human dna not only gave him a solid form, but diminished his ability to shapeshift. Probably gave him a conscience that he doesn't realize he has yet. Oh man, imagine if he did go back and got rejected by his peers...because his pure dna's been tainted.
Also have a mildly disturbed Cody doodle.
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buttercupshands · 6 months
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can you even call it a warm up if I'm going to bed without drawing anything big
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and a sketch I made while sitting in the park today
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bluerosefox · 9 months
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A Fair Warning
It was only a matter of time, and a long awaited and well deserved comeuppance, when Joker tried to hurt the wrong person or people.
Not everyone was going to play his games like 'Batsy' does. Not everyone will hesitate or let him live should he put his hands on someone to hurt them. Not everyone will believe Arkham could 'fix' him, he just needed more time and help.
No.
This time Joker bit off more than he could chew when he kidnapped the newly hired Arkham psychiatrist Jasmine Fenton (and he had plans, so many plans, for her. With her mixture of Harley's mind and her looks matching Gordon's daughter would sure to cause some chaos and pain in memories) and the girl's visiting sister Danielle 'Ellie' (and did he laugh when he noticed the 'Wayne' adoptive looks the girl had, on the fun he'll have, maybe he'll beat her the way he beat the second Robin just for funzie's, it'll no doubt upset Batman) from Jasmine's apartment.
He had plans to keep the Bats guessing where he was and by the time they reach him it'll be far to late for them to save either of the two girls, he had just sent the little video he taped to the Bats and the police to get the ball rolling...
So...
So why did a shiver run down his spine for the first time in years when they both looked unafraid (it was their eyes that made him shiver, a look of already dead yet somehow alive, something he never seen before. He's seen the light fade from people's eyes before yes, he's even laughed as he watch people desperately cling onto life only for it to fade into nothing as they took a final breath but never have he seen someone, something alive yet dead at the same time before. It, their eyes, held a natural yet unnatural sense as they stared at him, stared at everything that made him Joker and it unnerved him), honestly they looked very bored, and one of them (the youngest of the two, and the one with more of the look of death than life in their eyes) said with a chill tune in their tone.
"Last chance to back out of this Freakshows Reject. You wont like what'll be waiting for you."
The tone alone was enough to send another bone deep chill down Joker's spine.
But instead of listening to his natural instincts, the deep inkling of run blaring at him, Joker merely placed a grin on his face, ignoring the strain he felt from doing so, and said as nastily as he could in order to scare the two girls (BOTH OF THEM STILL LOOKED BORED WITH HIM?!?! Not even a twitch of fear!)
"OH? And pray tell what is awaiting little ol' me hum?"
His mocking question got a wide feral grin from the smaller girl, a grin with sharp teeth and iris eyes beginning to bleed slowly from sky blue to neon green with each second he stared at her and he barely stopped himself from jumping in his spot when Jasmine answered his question.
"Your end."
-x-x-
By the time the Bats get to the warehouse Joker had taken Dr. Jasmine 'Jazz' Fenton and Danielle 'Ellie' Fenton they were prepared for anything and everything to go wrong. As much as they held the tiniest bit of hope that the two young women were still okay they knew better than to really do, this was the Joker that had them after all.
They had manged to narrow down his location much quicker than normal when they gotten Joker's first video and his little 'game' he was setting the Bats on, most locations he gave them were going to be red herrings or traps to keep them busy and it would had worked. Batman and the others would had been searching for hours for even a hint of the clue of where the Joker and his hostages were actually being kept.
It was nearly, not really, a shame all of Joker's plans went to waste when Red Hood had stumbled onto something when scooping out Jasmine's apartment with Red Robin.
You see, not only were they looking for clues at first but something about the apartment Jasmine rented seemed off, Red Robin noticed it first and called in back up encase there was more to oldest Fenton than what they could dig up (oldest daughter of Dr's. Jackson and Madeline Fenton, grew up in a small Illinois town, straight A student and a goal to become a psychologist, has two younger siblings, etc etc) and their suspension raised up more when the moment Red Hood entered the apartment and seemed to freeze for a moment.
Red Hood couldn't really explain it but he said it felt like something was... strange. Not evil bad danger strange but it felt familiar? Like he was a kid again on the streets and had walked into someone else's territory but knew the person wouldn't be too much of a hardass about it as long as he didn't stur up trouble or disrespect. A kind of... as long as you don't fuck around you won't find out feeling.
It was because of this feeling that Jason had manged to stumble across something in the room, his instincts telling him there was more to it, and they had discovered a clunky old custom PDA hidden away in a false floorboard in the office room. Thankfully Red Robin, was there in person because the old thing apparently had a rather ingenious firewall to keep others (aka Hackers) OUT but it did nothing against someone who held the main thing.
But still it took Red Robin almost frying the damn thing to get to open up, turns out the ghost and star stickers on the PDA was a rather large hint of the pass code. Once Red Robin was in the PDA he noticed some rather interesting files, one of them labeled "Gremlin Tracking" with a tiny green blob with red eyes and a green outlined star as the icons.
Curiosity taking a hold on the most curious of the Bats he opened it up, hoping it would need another password, and watched as the screen split into two maps, one was... strange, there was no land marks or anything but the star icon seemed to be right in the middle of wherever it was and the only hint of anything was the name "baby brother" and the map labeled as IR.
The other one showed an above map of Gotham, before zooming into the city, heading towards some abandoned warehouses Red Robin knew of and stopped right at one. This was the green blob icon, the short abbreviation for Gotham in the corner of the map, and the name for the icon was 'baby sister'
Red Robin immediately got onto coms to tell the others of what apparently was a tracker for Jasmine's younger siblings. Some questioned why the young woman had trackers on her siblings, though some of the others snarked back that "oh didn't know keeping trackers on each other wasn't normal. Mind if I loose the one you got on me than?"
After a quick sweep into the warehouses camera feeds, the very few up that could be accessed, done by Oracle they quickly discovered that yes the tracking on the younger girl of the two, Danielle Fenton, was correct and that was where they and Joker were at.
Despite this, Batman decided that in order to make sure Joker didn't have suspicion that they already know his actual location he made sure to send a few of the others to the fake locations.
So here they were now, staking out the warehouse where they could see a few of the Jokers goons walking around and looking for a way into the building without alerting any of them. As they talked low into coms, Robin mentioning a possible way in for Red Robin by how small it was, Red Robin hissing back a "just because you got a growth spurt doesn't mean you can poke fun at my height you little-"
"Wait!" Red Hood suddenly hissed shouted, his tone startling the rest of them and they all turned their heads to him. Batman made a quick and harsh grunt as a way to say "report."
Under his helmet Jason's eyes were wide and wild. He could feel something, something huge was on the rise, like something was out of sight but the energy of it was felt.
And if Jason could feel it from his spot, the Jokers goons all felt the same thing from the way they all dropped their weapons, turned toward the warehouse and looked ready to bolt like scared animals.
Jason opened his mouth to explain but fell silent when the feeling suddenly popped. Whatever was causing the feeling was here and like the calm before the storm he could only watch as the first drop of rain fall.
The next thing they know, was the noise and the screaming.
It was inhuman, a mixture of noise and sounds to hard to explain. The closest they could explain was a thousand voices coming in all at once mixing with radio static that kept changing volume so only few words could be even hinted at, and the angry cawing of crows along with the flapping of their wings as they took flight. The noise was so bad that many who heard it nearly ripped their coms out, or covered their ears. Thankfully it only lasted a few seconds.
Then, the air itself shifted. It felt like the coldest of winter nights and bone chilling shivers ran down their bodies for a moment. The air was suddenly that sharp cold that hurt to breathe sometimes.
The goons surrounding the warehouse fled in fear. Many scrambling to get far, far away from whatever was happening. If they felt even a fraction of what Jason could feel, he could understand. He honestly felt like a small animal cornered by a predator and there was no escape.
Then just as suddenly as it happened, everything shifted again. The noise of Gotham returned to normal, cars honking, a stray cat hissing or a dog barking, police sirens in the distance, hissing steam from a nearby factory. The air went from winter cold to a chill mid winter harbor feel now.
Once everyone registered what had just happened and not wanting to waste anymore time they bolted towards the warehouse, cautious and alert in case they needed to fight. Batman went in first, quickly making his way to the area he knew Joker would be with the Fenton sisters and wondered just what the fuck was that? Did Joker do something? Was he messing with things outside of his usual MO?!
He walked into the room and stopped.
There was nothing.
The room was in fact the room Joker had used to record his first message to them, the layout was correct and the evidence of two people who had been tied up were still there as well, ropes that weren't cut sitting on them, a lone lamp light above shining down from above no doubt to emphasize the two girls were meant to be the 'stars' of Jokers latest show. Thing was, the two weren't there despite the fact Oracle swore she could see them a few mins ago from a camera set up in the room, she would later explain that she heard the noise as well and that all her tech had glitched hard.
The only other thing in the room was, sitting innocently on one of the chairs was a green sticky note and on a tiny pillow was a tiny sickly green orb with hints of purple, white, and red swirling in it.
A note they would later read the following message written on it after carefully examining it over.
'Joker learned not to touch what is mine to protect. Sorry not sorry, but hey one less killer clown and he was warned not my fault he didn't take it seriously... The massive amount of souls wanting to rip apart the Joker's soul into nothing was quite a sight to be honest.
They were so ruthless. Best not mess with the vengeful dead am I right?
PS. I left a tiny gift for Jason Todd aka Robin Two. It's the tiniest piece of Joker's soul left over after everyone else got done. He can finish it off since he's a reverent and all, and well they need their revenge filled in order to peacefully move on later or else they'll be stuck forever in a loop of madness and revenge. So yeah. Hope he likes the gift.'
D.P.'
It took Jason less than a second after those words were spoken out to reach for the orb, ignoring the cautious and alarmed cries of the others, and could feel deep, deep, deep in his own soul the absolute pure weeping joy as he threw the orb onto the floor, the bottom shattering thus it didn't roll away and stomped hard with his reinforced boots. Crushing the broken orb into more pieces and if one listened closely they could hear the pure screaming terror that came from it.
And Jason for the first time in years felt his rage finally leave him.
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tanglepelt · 1 year
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Dc x dp idea 119
Sam and Danny accidentally blow up social media. Except Danny just gets to laugh at the headlines.
Recluse Manson daughter and *insert Batkid name here* caught red handed
It was another fake out make out fiasco. Sam had agreed to go to a stupid gala. Only because vlad was going. Danny hated his eyes in front of his mom to make vlad take him along. He doesn’t trust the fruitloop.
Of course she and Danny were finding out why vlad had to come to this particular Galla in Gotham. It was some stupid overshadowing scheme. They put a stop to it and Danny phased them into the coat closet.
They didn’t think a reporter had managed to get into the gala. Let alone get a picture of them.
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arthursfuckinghat · 6 months
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"I was gonna say you're like a son to me.. but you're more than that."
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"It ain't that complicated!"
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How quickly that shoulder pat of comfort turned into a condescending one.
#he makes me feel so emo#this life was never meant for you but your fate was forced#the way dutch (and hosea) talks to arthur like he's stupid will never sit right with me#like they've been by his side over 20 years they KNOW he isn't stupid because if he was he would have been gone a long time ago#not only is arthur incredibly emotionally smart but he's a trained conman vault breaker gunslinger horse rider you name it#the fact that his own adoptive parents break him down like that hurts#it's a manipulation tactic on dutch's end - break your victims self esteem to make them chase your praise and approval#hosea I believe has just gone along with that kind of attitude but in a different way he just likes to jest lightheartedly#arthur doesn't see the difference though and it's understandable but he takes it to heart#the worst part is that hosea sees through his tough guy act and has called arthur out on it#his act is a defence mechanism to protect himself from being too vulnerable - in arthur's mind#and it isn't a sudden thing it's very likely something that has built over the years given the life he has lived#and hosea notices he knows this#but they still jab at arthur#oh it hurts#is he your son dutch? or is he your guard dog? your personal workhorse?#playing through the second time is opening my eyes more and more#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick rants#mick gifs#arthur morgan#dutch van der linde#liveblogging#you guys gotta understand - arthur seeks and longs for dutch's approval he'll never say it but it's the key motive behind his loyalty#and arthur *rejects* dutch's comfort#he doesn't *want* dutch to pat him on the shoulder because he knows dutch is digging them an even deeper hole#he doesn't want that touch he craves#it's so insanely monumental for such a small scene because it shows us how arthur feels without telling us
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sage-nebula · 2 months
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Shooting stars burn bright and fast, and then they're gone.
Bill calls Mabel "Shooting Star."
Because of the first sweater we see her in? Yes.
Only because of the first sweater we see her in? . . . Doubtful.
Mabel is effervescent, a force of nature. In a recent YouTube interview, Alex Hirsch described her as extremely passionate, always moving so fast from idea to idea, from thing to thing. The reason why shooting stars glow is because of the speed at which they move through the atmosphere; shooting stars move at hypersonic speeds, and those speeds create friction between the gases of our atmosphere and the meteor itself. That friction creates an immense amount of heat and pressure around the meteor, which creates the flame and the glow that we see down below.
This description encapsulates Mabel. She feels every emotion with everything she has, and when she has a new idea or whim, she throws herself into it 100%, not pausing to give anything a chance to get in her way. She's fast, fierce, and bright; she captures the attention and hearts of everyone around her.
But here's the other thing about shooting stars: the heat that allows them to glow also destroys them. The vast majority of meteors turn to ash long before they ever have a chance of reaching Earth's surface. They dissolve before we ever feel them at all.
When you think about the pitch for season two where it would have opened with Dipper's future self coming back to try to change the past because his Mabel had died . . . when you think about how, in the season two that we did get, Bill was going to kill Mabel in the final Weirdmageddon episode, her shooting star symbol looming in his eye as he prepared to snap his fingers on the word "you" . . .
Shooting stars burn fast and bright, and then they're gone. It's interesting to think about how close that came to being true for Mabel -- how both the good and bad aspects of the shooting star imagery could come into play for her character and story arc.
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mabaris · 9 days
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also. tbh. a little disappointed it seems like taash is Also going to be from the qun, or at least a very recent defect. i was hoping we’d get to see more vashoth characters
#at this point it feels like a concept they made up for adaar/whatever qunari pcs for this one#this is something i’ve noticed recently where it’s like. nonhuman cultures feel like they’re being. what’s the word#reducing them all down to one culture#seeing this especially with elves bc we haven’t really spent time in an alienage since tabris#arianni and merrill are both dalish transplants. but alienages have their own culture#there’s elves whose ancestors were never in the dales. there’s elves who lived in the dales who never joined the dalish#but we don’t really get a whole lot about that#like. it’s very cool to have two dalish companions but i’m a little disappointed they’re the only elven companions yk#god. i could write a whole other post about elves#seeing this a little bit with dwarves too bc in harding’s v&v episode she brought up the stone a bunch#which i’ve already mentioned. could be an insight into surfacer culture that hasn’t assimilated into the chantry#or it could just be that they went ‘uhhh dwarf so they’re all the same’#i’m of two minds about varric’s beard for the same reason bc it was an intentional choice to have him be clean shaven#and maybe he’s gone through some offscreen character development. or it could be this again#it seems like a similar thing that happens to characters of color like#if they’re not white it’s either them or their parents who came from rivain/antiva/tevinter (thinking vivienne duncan isabela etc)#everyone needs an excuse for why they are where they are. except for white humans bc that doesn’t NEED an explanation. is how it comes acros#mine#taash
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you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you  🎶
#dwedit#rd edit#river song edit#eleventh doctor#river song#doctor who#is it great? no. does it make sense? no. not really.I just wanted to make it#because this quote kind of makes me go feral#because imagine river. a ghost. trying to get a closure from a man who supposedly loved her#but it seems to have forgotten all about her. put her on a shelf life a book that wasn't even that great and engaging#and so she haunts him. first trying to get a reaction and realising that he can't hear or see her#and so then she talks. about their adventures. about her love. how she misses him. how she's always missed him#she'd tell him about her solo advenures#how much fun she used to have and she'd tell him how many times she stole his TARDIS and he didn't even notice#and she'd make fun of him piloting the TARDIS ('hundreds of years and you still can't do that. you really did get that flying licence in a p#and during these rare times when he slept she'd read or tale him fairytales. because why not? what does she have to lose?#and yet. he heard her all the time. every single time.#but he never talked to her. why would he? to do that he'd have to acknowledge that he'd lost her for good. just like her parents. just like#and river - she was supposed to be different. a touchstone. someone who would be able to keep up with him. stay with him. they would always#and yet. he was left all alone. his wife gone. a ghost of her was all he could have. he should set her free but he was a selfish man. so he#is it too much? or not enough?#idk they just make me go feral tbqh. what can I say I want me faves to suffer :)#mine#long post#otp: the towers sang and you cried
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ladybugkisses · 10 months
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Hello! Loving your content and how CUTE IT is, wouldn’t it be cute if Rocky and Ari celebrated Christmas with each other?
hi, thank you!! ! 💕🌹💕
it would be super cute and probably something Rocky was looking forward to, but unfortunately i think Ari would go spend it with her family... ..without even telling him about it.. ...oops
maybe next year 😔
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cleo-serotonin · 1 year
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byron didn’t show up to the party miriam was throwing specifically FOR him, but he showed up to emma’s dad’s birthday party ☹️☹️
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todayisafridaynight · 4 months
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Religiously i think about one of my twitter mutuals pointing out how aoki's design is subtly asymmetrical while ichiban is more symmetrical
when i think of it, masato's design is fairly symmetrical as well isnt it.....
#snap chats#please no one look at me i shouldve gotten my drink two hours ago#what does it mean .....#i swear my mutual had like. galaxy brain when it came to aoki i swear to god in heaven no one got him like they did#they were also the one that did that glass analysis post i shared some months back#moving on tho...#i guess there is the stipulation that because masato's shirt buttons dont match his shirt like ichi's does the buttons at the top mess it u#but aside from that everything else is pretty even: he has a pair of bangs and while his shirt is patterned its not like. grossly so#the pattern doesnt go particularly one way or the other its obviously just a pattern and the colors arent offensively against each other#on the flipside aoki's hair is more obviously swept to one side and leaving the other side bare#not to mention his tie in general. the 'bulb' part and 'tongue' part even go against each other#as if a diagonal striped tie itself wouldnt be askew to his overall look#again these are very small things to notice but im glad theyre small- it makes sense for a politician's to be subtly incongruent#the glasses are super important to aoki's design too but that's covered int eh glass analysis and isnt about symmetry#idk ... maybe im just waffling on about nothing.. either way i love those posts by my mutual#OH i think of this because i am once again thinking of updating how i draw masato#cause i like the blazer and necklace i gave him BECAUSE of that asymmetry#but now i wonder if thatd go against his design ... so i have to ask 'what underlying message is there for masato to be symmetrical'#i guess- even if he is a creep and a weirdo- he's not. evil? idk ... he hasn't gone totally off the deep end compared to aoki#like compared to what he'd go on to do as aoki he's pretty normal as masato#he is just a guy. who DOES have ties to the yakuza but this aint about that LKCJALKREJVA#he doesnt even like them he just uses them for his convenience 😔#idk. ill prob still draw masato the same tbh LMAO if anything ill just crop his blazer but keep it symmetrical#i guess i cant wonder this TOO much when i give him mismatching rings 💀💀 ill just have fun ig fjaelrvekljv#at the end of the day its never that serious ...... i just gotta draw what makes me chortle. esp for a chara three people care about VJLAEK#but i will wonder ..... <- it is not that deep#ima go bye
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rollforjackass · 1 year
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i truly and honestly believe that it would have been much funnier if snw had spock just. 100% miss out on anything crazy that happened. time travel shenanigans? he was in the lab. ship invaded? meditating. gets split into two separate versions of himself? no wonder reports were getting done twice as fast!
man has the most normal and boring starship tour of his life up until the events of the cage happen, remains totally unimpressed with humans and the federation in general, and then hops aboard with kirk and experiences the most batshit five years of his whole life
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tiltedatthewyrmwound · 8 months
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Y'know, I wish we had more deity interactions. To see their chemistry. Especially between the opposing elements.
This is only one instance cause I have way too many thoughts about these underdeveloped NPCs to put into one coherent post but I'm thinking of Windsinger and Tidelord right now honestly. Like... they fought first. They came for each other's throats so hard they created a new god, born of their temporary disdain for each other. Do they regret it? Do they ever think of that? Does Windsinger even care that his brother has been gone, and that their last meaningful interactions together was a petty fight and a disappointed silence after their last-ditch effort in the World Pillar failed?
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sacredfire44 · 8 months
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I think it’s hilarious to watch people get mad about Boruto being character assassination because it IS until you consider the possibility of a poly situationship. Sakura is Sasuke’s wife, and Sasuke is Naruto’s husband, and Naruto is Hinata’s husband.
And also consider that Naruto has probably put in some actual damn work since he become Hokage.
Can’t do anything about Sasuke avoiding Konoha but I’m honestly not surprised about that, he’s a bit traumatized. Is he protective of it now? Yes! And that’s NOT WEIRD. Maybe the Konoha before was corrupt, but Naruto can LITERALLY SENSE NEGATIVE INTENTIONS(WHICH EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN?!)
Root has been disbanded and Naruto’s pretty clearly weeded out the corruption around him! Hell, they might never have brought UP the Hyuga branch-main family argument, but it’s clearly been dealt with considering neither Hanabi or Hinata have branch family seals, nor does Boruto or Himawari, when it’s explicitly mentioned that the heir remains in the main family while their siblings get seals.
(I wouldn’t be surprised if Naruto having kids with Hinata was what caused that issue to come up, honestly. What, do YOU want to be the Hyuga elder that explains to the Fifth and Sixth Hokage, as well as all the other Kage, and the entirety of Konoha, why their Hero’s kids should have a torture-seal placed on them?)
Like come on man, this is a village that finally DOES represent Naruto and Sasuke’s goals! It makes SENSE that he’d want to protect it now!!!
Also not surprised that Sasuke is awkward about Sakura and Sarada, my boy has No Idea how to interact outside of Naruto, and frankly if he does have feelings about her, as an autistic person who can’t handle emotions, I too run away from the people I care about when I get overwhelmed about caring for them. The people that I DON’T run from are the ones who chase after me often enough that I get used to caring about them.
Furthermore, Naruto doesn’t avoid his family! If you watched Naruto The Last, or hell, the day Naruto become Hokage, you know Naruto didn’t even BECOME Hokage until his kids are older, which he MENTIONED was a choice on his part so he could spend more time with them before they entered the Academy. The movie takes place during the Chunnin Exams, which are canonically more work to maintain, especially when it’s all five villages attending. In the series, we’ve seen Naruto come home much earlier outside of big, international events, take days off to spend with his family, and use clones for work while he stays home! Like he DOES spend time with his family, kishimoto himself said Boruto’s outbursts were more about getting used to his dad having any job at all(as he was a very powerful Shinobi who honestly didn’t have a lot of missions at his skill level) after being pretty much a stay-at-home dad. Hell, in the after-credits scene in Naruto the Last, it’s implied that Hinata was still an active Shinobi, and considering the age of the kids, I would not be surprised with Naruto staying at home with the kids up until Naruto’s ascension as hokage. And I NEED more fics if this time period, I’m DYING.
Anyway, Hinata and Naruto love each other, and Naruto and Sasuke love each other. Honestly I’m a bit iffy on Sasuke and Sakura but I kinda like the idea that she’s his beard which is why she’s never shown to mind when he’s not home lol. I CAN actually see them loving each other too, though I don’t think Sakura has a lot of skill with Uchihas that run from their feelings haha. Himawari is Naruhina’s kid, while Sarada and Boruto 100% have a mom and 2 dads. And I think with this interpretation, the whole show suddenly makes sense.
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sencrose · 17 days
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oh. sometimes fic makes you remember huh
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nomairuins · 2 months
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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