#and they happen to never conceive
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Burning Rotten Bridges
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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the further into buffy season 4 i get the more contempt i have for riley. he gets all sadboy and limps around whenever he remembers buffy is stronger and better than him. she’s compelled to apologize for it, every time!?!?! and he’s supposed to be the nice one out of all her boyfriends??
he thinks she literally DIES and is sad for a whole 2 seconds before hes back to being accusatory and shoving her around the place..... fuck this guy.
i love buffy. her most consistent character flaw is being a chronic man liker… which is valid but excruciating to watch 😔 mainly because i DOUBT it’s written to actually be a flaw, it’s probably just what joss bitchdon sees as a Universal Woman Trait. accommodating riley's feelings is priority #1 for her, unquestionably.
(she does reject spike, in the end, but id honestly argue that’s more to do with the writers’ feelings about the buffy/spike romance rather than anything to do with buffy herself…)
spike, faith, even angel… kind of funny how the ones who see and consistently remind buffy of her strength are also not categorical Good Guys. they have to be more aware of it cause they fight her, but… either way. she’s always gonna be the strongest even if nobody wants her to be.
#except for dawn and tara because they’re perfect in every conceivable way! i could be wrong tho i don’t remember#even motherfucking GILES does it. in the scene where he meets prof. walsh she praises her. and she’s also kinda evil lol#when he called her a unique girl and walsh was like. yes i agree she’s a very unique woman LOOOLLLLL#okay but stuff perhaps 2 be said about giles+walsh and riley+buffy as parallels. like giles hates walsh cause he's jealous. 🫵MISOGYNY#he hates womens wrongs? is he stupid?#willow and xander r special cases as the BFFs but…….#xander……………….. never mind. too much to complain about with him#spike and angel r dicks too though im VERY aware of that#and faith is..... faith#btvs#&#buffy the vampire slayer#this was supposed to be a normal riley hatepost sorry for being loquacious it will happen again#goodbye iowa is easily one of the worst episodes in the show.#hate hate hate im full of it
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#galarian rapidash#i dunno. this one's very Horse. i always wanna leave my galarian ponyta as a baby forever because i think the magic psychic pony is cute#although i do like the whole. this being in bede's team going from being a psychic trainer to a fairy trainer. he gets to keep this around#and hatterene but we don't. talk. about that#oh also some more snootiferous angles under the cut. all the same angles on this one as on ponyta#i talk a lot about seeing regional forms first and the game not really telling you they're regional forms#and so if it's your first time seeing a pokémon you could conceivably believe that's the normal form of the pokémon#which happened to me with galarian darumaka#but i think this is one pokémon i'd Like that to happen with. because it's much cuter than kantonian ponyta#well this is rapidash. they're about the same. i think i like kantonian rapidash more‚ but galarian ponyta more#although i think it's probably impossible for this pokémon specifically? or any kantonian pokémon#just because they're motherfucking kanto and they're everywhere#you could NEVER mistake one of the original 151#as much as i would like to. resident kanto hater#I MEAN. kanto has a lot of 'mons that i LIKE but it's also KANTO and it's so overDONE#UGH. but i guess having skipped gen 5 as a kid it makes sense i'd see galarian darumaka and stunfisk and see nothing wrong with it#which. by the way. galarian stunfisk is next. stay tuned for the bear trap
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#idk if this is an unpopular opinion but i genuinely operate on the assumption that the writers never think of the storylines#(and the indications of their writing choices in the broader frame) as much as the fans do#not in the way that im criticizing their intelligence or anything like that i just dont think this is the type of show written like that#like idt when they were writing the sperm donor storyline they were considering buck's broader storyline re being conceived as spare parts#or that what name the characters call buck has that much of a deep meaning like yes i have my own headcanons about tommy calling buck evan#but idt it was a direction given to lou because tommy is meant to be seen as special/different from other LIs/characters#i dont even think they considered the moment buck told his parents not to call him that#not saying nothing has staying consequences in the show obv but it's like whatever the character has to get from it happens in that arc and#then we move on#there are some defining traumas that come back like bobby's family madney and doug and eddie losing shannon#but i usually watch the storylines contained to that arc#not as a part of the lore that the writers will always be vigilant of as they keep building on these characters#at least not to the degree a fandom does#this is why i never speculate based on previous storylines l#not beyond “this would have a lot of potential if they went that route”#no one in that writers room thinks about character lore and the nuances of characterization as obsessed fans is what ill say#does*
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i hate when stories start establishing our protagonist has lost their parents as a distinguishing characteristic. as if loss made them special and that's why all the exciting protagonist stuff is about to happen to them. like losing your parents suddenly makes you grow fairy wings. when in reality grief makes you feel the exact opposite of 'special'. it just feels like you have fused with boring sad adult life. like if you were dressed in the same pattern as the ugly wallpaper and couldn't be distinguished from the background of life. anyways. in my "what do you even know about grief" era.
#it's like a reality check#where's that andrew garfield poem about his mother's loss making him feel as if he suddenly were living in a crueler version of life#is like that#like your eyes just got open#but if instead of purposefully and diabolically cruel it just felt#casually and unavoidably boring and sad and like you'll never be happy and this is all there is#it's just the nihilism talking but#you notice the parental loss as a Protagonist trait#as if it were a weird thing so impossible that it explains why the protagonists are magical or something#as if it were enough of a thing to separate our human character from the plane of conceivable reality for a normal person#when in reality it's just not#it's not weird#it's not a rare thing s#it's not unusual enough to be considered inconceivable#it's just sad and unfortunate and unlucky but#it happens to a lot of people#why do we treat it as if it were rare
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It's so funny to me when fic writers mention a new made up first encounter of sskk when it's actually part of canon and we know how it went. Akutagawa ripped off Atsushi's leg. Good luck finding anything more romantic than that
#Why feel the need to change that it can't get any more romantic#Tbh I don't know why people do it but I've found that a lot? I think maybe people just forgot since it happened 100 chapters ago#ryūnosuke akutagawa#atsushi nakajima#sskk#shin soukoku#bsd#bungou stray dogs#mine#q.#04/08/22#This was conceived as a joke but funny enough it *is* one of the most romantic things about sskk‚ unironically#Because think of someone going from cutting their loved one's leg to literally giving their lives for them.#The love and dedication is just so much more impactful when you know it comes from a place of hatred and pain!!!!#Which would have never happened if Akutagawa didn't cut Atsushi's leg in the first place#So actually. I have a serious point here
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The anti-choice “what if your mom had aborted YOU” argument is very funny to me because I was conceived partly because, when my dad was in college, a doctor told him that he couldn’t father children due to a bad case of mono. So, when my parents got married shortly after graduating, they were NOT careful about birth control. But I don’t see anyone advocating for doctors inaccurately telling nineteen-year-olds that their sperm all got boiled.
#like. I don’t know. so many factors go into a person being conceived and born#what if the nyc blackouts had never happened#what if my mom hadn’t made friends with Sherry from middle school#what if the Vietnam War had never happened#what if there was no such thing as st Patrick’s day
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none of you understand terminus like i do okay . okay. i. okay.
#please prove me wrong#i am dying (mind the pun) to meet someone who has thought about their own death to the extent that i have#what that you can conceive the utter terror not of breathing your last#but of thinking for one#final#time#what it means to truly lose the last part of you that makes you of this world#of this being#your consciousness itself#let go of this fear of your pain and your turmoil and your suffering#trust in the knowledge that you will never know what it is like to die#it could feel just the same as the sleep that takes the wakefulness from your eyes#only to notice that it happens when you wake upon the morn#except there will be no waking#no conscious comfort for your mind to grasp that feeling that you are utterly and entirely impermanent#i can’t stop thinking on this#tw death#death tw#death#the end#the end tma
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I wonder if tasha stark & Maria hill ever get confused for each other
#OH MY GOD DIRECTOR OF SHIELD TASHA STARK#wasn’t even thinking abt that when I conceived this post but—!!#3490#tasha stark#Natasha stark#Tony stark#maria hill#my employer's opinions#but maybe is Tasha too tall for ppl to mix up her & Maria#perhaps…#but wait would she ever even be director of shield if Civil War never happened??
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im a remake upon remake hater as much as the next guy but i really like all the different versions of death note. especially cuz most of em like. do something different with the franchise. something interesting in its own way if not outright better. like yesss what IF that happened instead. we can keep remaking death note we can make it More Better
#im also a big fan of fanfics that like explore death note rules an hypothetical a bit#like. half aus . stuff that couldve conceivably happened in universe or even were more plausible an interesting than what actually happened#what IF the death note burnt up and light lost his memories. what IF L never let light get ahold of the death note after the yostuba arc#what if misa got her death note way sooner or way later? what if she got it before light?#all important questions 2 me
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#seedot#don't even know what's happening here. this might be another one of those where you could conceivably have no idea this is a seedot#until you look at the tag. some folks were talking about that on the shuckle post and i felt that. it was a really good one to be fair#but if you're reading this right now then you already know what this blog is about. you already know this is seedot#little acorn guy wearing a helmet‚ i guess. like. shoutouts. tbqh. i don't see why not#certainly doesn't immediately evoke grass-type to me but then again this pokémon is very easily forgotten. at least by me#never seen anyone say seedot is their favorite pokémon. nuzleaf? sure. but we'll get *there* when we get there
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(preface this by saying im too scared to do anything) i wish i could fucking kill myself
#i just have nothing left to even hope for#im never gonna be hsppy#nothing good will evef happen to me#i work a shitty job where wveryone hates me i dont have any irl friends and my family hates me too#and nothing will ever fucking change#why do i keep getting my hopes up#i will never feel even remotely safe or happy or loved or cared about#i keep saying i want to go home but i dont even have a home just the shitty place where i live#im so tired#im just so tired#and ive felt like this for as long as i can remember#and no one has cared#and no one will ever care#im just not meant to be happy or content#i was doomed from the moment i was conceived
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there's a gif of matt ryan covered in blood that i have been staring at for at Least fifteen minutes now and getting very emotional about. legends of tomorrow took the pledge to fuck constantine up so seriously and now i am undone, like i still can't BELIEVE they did a version of his dangerous habits arc in live action. i'll never not feel like a kid at christmas about it.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#idk when i started reading hellblazer in middle school i would Never have conceived of a live action portrayal#and i'm still very emotional about having one sdhjk#i remember So clearly the way i felt when i learned first about the nbc show and then about legends#and now coming back to him after so long & seeing all that's happened on legends....all the new material.....godddd#like how am i supposed to be normal about this they made him REAL!!!! he had a voice & an actor who loves him & he's been in Situations!!!!#for all my nitpicky disagreements re: the adaptation of canon we have just. been So Well Fed in a way i would never have conceived of#don't mind me i'm very emotional about constantine today
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I thought about working a 9-5 for the next 45 years of my life and all of my love for life has evaporated
#it's 1am i'm going to read fun fics and forget about it and go to sleep#i have other things to worry about. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.#.... it's genuinely distressing though.#because the only times i feel like a real person are outside of school or work.#especially holidays#i am never as much myself as during the summer holidays#i never have as much energy and motivation and joy for life as during the summer holidays#but soon i won't get a 2-4 months period to be a real person anymore.#soon i'll have to take a few weeks/year for a good 4 decades and by the time i'm done i won't have enough money to enjoy my freedom#i don't want that. i want to be a person. i want to be me 24/7 all year round#i don't want to say 'i'll do it when i have the energy' every day and know in my heart i won't ever have it anymore#do you know how long it takes to recharge those batteries? three weeks of holidays won't cut it#and i'm not even going to get that#i don't want to stop drawing to stop having fun with fandom to give up my hobbies and who i am as a person#but i know i don't have the energy to be a person after 4-5 hours of work#what is it going to be like when i have to do 7 hours a day?#when i have to push past my limits every day?#i can't conceive of a future where i work. i just can't. and it's going to happen and it's going to kill me#and i'm not even going to be dead! i'm just going to sleepwalk around the whole time and never be a person again#because all of the energy i have for that will have been taken by a work i don't want to do#.... okay i'm going to cry. um. fanfic time. i'm going to bury that under good fanfic so i can manage to fall asleep#wow i have a ramble tag now
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HCQ lore is so....... their friendship was doomed from the start. nothing could've changed it, nothing will ever change it, and the consequences of forcing fates to walk a different destined path are felt even now. the dead can't die and those who DID die were reborn into captivity due to the sins of the past. deep, unconditional love corrupted by and because of that love to turn into unconditional hatred. vowing to grant each other the deaths that never end up lasting. and the only one who managed to escape relatively unscathed is doomed to watch the shadows of his friends chase each other in an endless, destructive cycle of death and rebirth. ghosts who wear the faces of those long lost, tearing at each other because retribution is all that survived the changes wrought by mara, by death, and by heresy. FOREVER DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE.........
#personal#THE TRAGEDY ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T CONCEIVE OF A WORLD WITHOUT EACH OTHER#AND IN SO DOING CREATED A WORLD IN WHICH THEY COULD NEVER COEXIST#IM CHEWING AT THE WALLS
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i've played through a few different Blood Moon routes with Beau (tho Vesper is kind of my Main Boy so i've definitely played more with him) and i'm having fun coming up with the sort of character he is
Beau, as his name might imply, is very pretty, and also very aware of it. he's also a charmer, and has a tendency to kind of lean into the blonde stereotype if people are gonna assume. so he comes off as just kind of a friendly, not terribly smart guy, but he's sharp and shrewd and observant and can be really cruel with it if he needs to be
thankfully, his pack is his Entire Soft Spot and he mostly uses his powers for good, or at the very least for the good of the pack (ie he tends to uuuh scam/straight up steal to make sure the pack is fed)
he's put so much of himself into the pack that he's not really all that good at thinking about what he actually needs or wants, which is why he winds up as the alpha oops
he's also had a huge crush on Sergi for a looooong time, but figured he wouldn't be interested and kept it to himself, and/or outright ignored it as something that could never happen
#pidge babbles#ah fuck again with the names#i gotta stop doing this to myself#been coming up w too many characters lately#love the bit where sergi gesture to like vicky and marco and ed like 'you could have any of them if you wanted why me?'#and beau is just like 'well i mean only one of them could conceivably bend me in half like i like and she's not really my type'#sorry vicky#beau is gay af#also you share a name with my mother it was never gonna happen
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