#and they did the cis person thing of putting the Only Two Trans People in a relationship and worse yet

[cringefaecompilation]

idk guys but i think "black lady making a parody campaign of an overrated kid's book written by a transmisogynist where they mock the original book and its writer at every given venue and it barely feels like the original" is not nearly equatable to "white guy making a joke about an asian trans woman having a dick in her intro, immediately calling attention to it by laughing at his own joke, and not developing that poor trans woman as anything more than a mildly antagonistic force/love interest for another trans person"

[dolphin-diaries]

Who Gets To Talk Detransition?

Originally published on Dolphin Diaries

The story is supposed to go like this: a trans cult, or maybe the medical establishment, steals a young girl under its ghastly wing. A wounded girl, a scared one, desperate for reprieve from a violent world that has whipped her into self-hatred. The kidnapping cultists promise an escape. A cure to the horror of her body. Then, mutilation follows, which a brave few will eventually try to undo—only they never quite can.

No, wait.

The story is supposed to go like this: some people are trans men. They are assigned female at birth, but they are men, and so some want to make their body male. But sometimes, a select few regret their transition. They aren’t trans men. They’re actually cis—in agreement with their sex—but they’ve made a mistake for whatever reason. They are very scarce. A statistically inconsequential minority to which we ought not cede ground. After all, why should a society be concerned with a statistically minuscule people?

Regardless of which way you tell it, two constants remain. One: the trans and the detrans are antagonistic; the detrans have been hurt by transition care and now threaten its existence. Two: those that detransition are seeking to correct a prior mistake. Be it from the right or left, the story is always that of failure and regret.

Part I: When Your Worst Fears Come True

September 2023 marked the eighth anniversary of me starting testosterone. Getting HRT was something I’d fought for with great difficulty and determination: I’d burned bridges with an abusive family; I’d come out a year prior to the entirety of my university class and had already lived as a man; I then dropped out of university so I could work a full-time job to afford HRT. I did all this with full knowledge that I could not access the legal transition system in my country. I’d be unable to change my gender marker and would have to deal with that fact in a place where most people barely know what ‘transgender’ is, let alone accept it. But I was willing to weather all of that, and to my luck, I had no trouble passing for a man, and the vast majority of friends and acquaintances accepted me.

Needless to say, I was ecstatic to start testosterone. In adolescence my masculinity had been denied to me, the feminine traits of myself and my body forcibly exaggerated to put me in my (woman’s) place. Now, it felt like having all the features I’d come to despise overtaken by new growth. Like a ruin reclaimed by fresh ivy. I wasn’t entirely content—I wanted to be indistinguishable from a cis man, untouched by any insidious womanhood whatsoever. Only I found most cis men either uninspired-looking or repugnant, so… a pretty cis man? Androgynous, but not too androgynous, so I don’t get gay-bashed?

The real end goal I wished of my body was nebulous. There was no man I could cite as the Ur-Man for me, trans or cis, neither in character nor appearance. It wasn’t for lack of the much maligned Good Male Role Models in my life; I simply resonated with none of them. But there was life to be lived anyway. So I put one foot in front of the other, and sometimes, I knew my steps were dictated as much by fear of transphobia as they were by my own desires.

There are many things to fear while living as trans. One of my most personal anxieties was detransition. A forced one would be most horrid; to be put in a position where my bodily autonomy, so hard-won, could be stripped away as if it never existed.

But my strangest fear was that I would want to detransition. Not from some cruel necessity or right-wing brainwashing or what have you; genuinely, rationally, actively want it.

I knew why I feared that. Whenever I met another trans man or heard of their stories, some jigsaw puzzles would simply not fit. I never once desired to be a man until I learned of trans men’s existence. Never sought to play the role of a man and only half-enjoyed them now, if at all. Never, not even now, dreamt of myself as a man. At times another trans man would have the same ‘odd’ pieces, but then something else would find itself amiss again. On and on that list went.

One might call this a foregone conclusion in retrospect. Shouldn’t I have known? Shouldn’t a doctor have known? But this rather ignores that the psychology and study of transsexuality are hopelessly warped with attempts to eradicate it. My country’s procedures were dated. The questionnaires I took to have my doctor conclude I’m transsexual? Those were lousy with decades-dated misogyny (do you like housework? do you get aroused by housework? or maybe by cars?) and with voyeuristic, invasive questions (how do you have sex? how do you masturbate?) There were correct answers; there was no variation, which is only allowed for the cisgender. That procedure has since improved, especially in the West, but the traces remain. How does one introspect on one’s gender when that was the model for it? How does one even attempt to unravel the relationship between misogyny and desire to abandon womanhood when to do so threatens access to medical care? What sign ought I have looked for to distinguish myself from trans men when it was demanded no distinctions exist?

One does not exit a hostile care system with a healthier, more stable identity. That is nothing short of a miracle.

September 2023 marked the eighth anniversary of me exiting hostile care with a coveted prize in my grasp. It also marked the moment I looked in the mirror and saw exactly what I’d sought to win in that hellscape: an indisputable man. Not a cis man, of course, but one bereft of all the features that had haunted me to the point of self-harm. I was free, I had won; no one would ever look at me and think me a woman—no one ever did, those days.

I had won. And in my victory, I felt nothing at all.

Part II: Failure and Regret

The Right invests much bombast into transition regret. Loud ring the warning bells: this could happen to you! Your child! A girl with so much to live for, rendered barren, flat-chested, a misshapen man-thing! You, too, will live to regret it!

It amuses me. Queerness and butchness had marked me long ago; I was never particularly buxom or fecund. Never, in the heterosexist sense, something worthy of desire. I was a misshapen man-thing far before I asked people to call me ‘he.’ The people who made sure I knew I was a monster man-woman were precisely the kinds of people that now warned me away from turning myself into what—according to them—I already was. The sheer parental panic with which I’d been forced into makeup and dresses, you’d think I transitioned already.

Even more amusingly, sometimes the Right claims to care about butch lesbians. Tomboys are being mutilated, they say. It’s an imposition of gender stereotypes; women can be masculine!

But if the Right believes women can be lesbian and masculine, what’s with the whole fixation on ruined femininity and birthing wombs?

Indeed, the Right’s acceptance of detransitioned women is full of little caveats. They are to be paraded as damaged goods at conservative rallies. Their lost breasts and ovaries will be ever-ogled, figuratively if not literally, and the ‘irreversible damage’ left by testosterone examined with morbid fascination. They are the Right’s Magdalenes. They’re proof there’s good in the transgressive—that is, that the enemy can be pitied, assimilated. As an underclass, of course. They’re never to truly cease being damaged, for they must be proof that sex can only be ruined, never changed.

For a detransitioner, there is temptation in the Right’s conditional acceptance. It offers an easy answer to their current pain. The past choice they may regret or suffer under—why, it should’ve been prevented! If only you listened to the right authorities, all would’ve been well. Not altogether different than regretting a marriage or college major. Many an adult decries stupid choices of youth—and those certainly happen—but what’s scariest of all is the notion you weren’t making rash or ill-informed decisions. I know I wasn’t. And if that is so, then it means the current self—the mature one, the one with 20/20 hindsight—could make a mistake, too.

Right-wing detransitioners take for granted there exists a guardian angel that could’ve healed them of the gendered distress they once felt and showed them a path to contentment. That is a very tall order, considering how misogynistic and hostile psychiatry and psychology are, historically speaking. And that’s to say nothing of religion. But at least they would’ve been prevented from transitioning; misery averted—right?

My guardian angel, you could say, was lack of funds. I wanted top surgery—double mastectomy—but there was no way I could afford it, not in many years’ time. Now I realise I would’ve come to regret it and would’ve likely sought to reverse its effects. So I’m all good, right? I benefitted from how flawed trans healthcare is, didn’t I?

Perhaps. But there was a reason I wanted a mastectomy, and not a frivolous one. Every time I needed to see a doctor for a respiratory infection, I did so in fear of transphobic malpractice. I would minimise the time I spent in places where my chest could be exposed—gyms, pools, beaches, goddamned corporate retreats. And then there was the way my body, breasts included, had been used to prove to me I was not just a woman but Woman, a biodestined vessel for coy giggles, cookware, and pregnancy. And how that made me feel.

Indeed, I would later find out there are women and nonbinary people that do not identify with manhood yet seek the exact same top surgery I once wanted, for similar reasons. With no regrets. They wish to take control of their body and do so. And I know that, had I been able to get top surgery in the past, it would’ve made me happy for a good while.

So what’s more important: years of constant anxiety, or lack of hypothetical regret?

The right-wing detransitioner assumes one’s current self to be the ultimate judge of one’s choices—but take that principle to its logical conclusion, and it will seem like no decision should ever be made. There is always a prospective Future You which possesses more knowledge. Always the possibility of regret. Of course, decisions in life are sort of inevitable, but don’t worry about that—the powers that be will handle that. Ancestral tradition, or a caring authority figure. That’s also all humans with exactly the same issues, but don’t worry about that either. Maybe God is speaking through them. You never know.

In the end, the prescripts of the Right march to the same grim conclusion. That the only decision you can ever make with total certainty is death.

Part III: Death, the Tarot Kind

Queer culture delights in tales of transformation. We were all once larval—in the closet, often abused and scared. Trapped in a world of rigid roles and brutal dominion. But one day, we hope to metamorphose into our true shape and to take flight above a blissful, lawless, ever-shifting sea of change.

Most queer people are cisgender, and more still do not seek to transition, but the nature of all our transgressions is intimately entwined with gender anyway. We’re all doing it ‘wrong,’ by the wider society’s definition, even the most masculine of cis gay men or the most feminine of cis lesbian women. Unsurprising, then, are the queer community’s various attempts to embrace gender variance and to lay bare the plasticity of sex.

There is nothing per se about detransition that does not fit this mould. If gender is to be fucked with, why not take it for a swing? Indeed, in my experience most queer people would agree it’s entirely possible to detransition without weaponising transphobia or lapsing rightward.

But that’s usually a hypothetical thought exercise that ends exactly there. Maybe that queer person knows a detransitioner, maybe they don’t; regardless, the lives of the detransitioned do not interact with queer ideas of sex/gender, or indeed queer ideas about anything. The only time the detransitioned are really remarked on is only to state our statistical insignificance—or rather, the statistical insignificance of transition regret. I don’t personally regret my transition for the most part, so I wouldn’t even count there.

Whereas the Right sings lyrical about all the motivations and trials and tribulations of the detransitioned (and deftly twists the verses to fit the chorus), the Left does not usually consider the lives of the detransitioned at all. Mistakes happen, they suppose. Kind of funny we ‘failed at gender’ twice. Too bad we’re so miserable, they guess. What, ‘the patriarchy made you do it’? BuzzFeed feminism is so-o-o 2010s, bro.

It would be accurate to surmise the queer community has ceded the concept of detransition to the Right. The queer stance is, in effect, ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’—a defensive and reactive one.

That is not to say the Left as a whole is to blame for grifting detransitioners or the Right itself—the blame is always, first and foremost, on the ones that actually do the harm. And the negligence of the Left doesn’t really harm those that happily push others under the bus—sadly, some people are just assholes. No, the consequences are felt instead by detrans people that have no desire to participate in the transphobia circus, and after that, trans people themselves. The Right’s deathgrip on the detransition narrative means detransition itself is conceptually tied to the Right. Because there is no alternative trans-positive narrative, there is no way to exist as detrans and not affirm someone else’s transphobia, no matter how many times you say you don’t hate trans people. After all there is only one thing people think of when they hear ‘detransitioner.’ And now you are it, whether you like it or not.

I feared I would detransition because, on some level, I knew I might. But why fear it? It’s hard to be trans. There are clear privileges to socially presenting as your birth sex. Doctors will readily help you undo transition. I didn’t want to grift—well, fucking fantastic. Easy enough to not do something. What’s the problem?

I feared it because it’s soul-crushing to know your existence hurts the people you love most. Your friends, partners, mentors. So many cis people in my past knew me as The Trans Person—and now what? How much of the good I had done would be ruined? And by what possible example could I imagine my life as a detransitioner? What is there to even aspire to? And what about everything I’d sacrificed to transition in the first place? All the strife and ridicule I endured, only to have it whispered to me from leering faces: “See? We were right all along.”

All that, to face alone.

At a certain point my resistance to the idea of detransition was motivated only by this. Only by what others would make of me against my will. Not my personal desires. Nothing else at all. To be turned into such a spectacle, a public property of a person, felt like nothing short of death.

Part IV: Afterlife

I decided to start this substack after listening to every podcast appearance by Lucy Kartikasari I could find. She is a detrans woman with a similar yet different story; she transitioned much younger, but went through a similarly arcane approval system and years of waiting; she is not a lesbian; she has detransitioned, and she speaks in favour of trans healthcare and trans rights. The name Dolphin Diaries also originates with her—or rather, with a different, anonymous user, whose idea she broadcast on her TikTok. A dolphin as a symbol of detransition; a mammal that evolved from the ocean to walk on land and then returned to an aquatic life. I find it an appealing and pithy comparison, one free of unnecessary gendering or judgement.

There are precious few voices that speak of detransition in a positive, non-right-wing light. It’s a perspective fraught with thorny, uncomfortable questions. A perspective which is easier to ignore—unless you can’t. If for no one else, I write this for people that felt the same way I did. Trapped, not by ‘mistakes’ or by ‘gender ideology’, but by the image others have painted of them before they could even protest.

I do not write this for the Right. There is nothing I can say that would sway you, and there is nothing you can say that would sway me—and believe me, I have listened more carefully and with far more good faith than you ever have. Feel free to comment how much you pity my womb, or something. I promise to leave its fertility a mystery. I’m a tease that way.

As for other potential readers of this blog: while I do believe it a failure of queer rhetoric to adequately synthesise detransition into the overall gender politic, I don’t believe it’s everyone else’s job to create that synthesis. Who better than a detransitioner, after all? I ask not that you solve my problems for me.

I ask only that you listen.

[doberbutts]

So I'm going to ask an honest question here and ask you please explain in layman's terms. Every trans person I know irl has no concept of the transandrophobia discourse but every time I see more of it online I'm...unsettled, and it takes a lot to power through all the terminology.

I initially was really receptive to transandrophobia because the rationale behind being against it sounded stupid and akin to label discourse in the queer community. I saw "being a man is not an axis of oppression therefore you don't get your Own Word" and thought that was pedantic nonsense, that language doesn't need to adhere to that rule, and that it's helpful to have a term designated towards transmasculine experiences so people can find those experiences easier. Not that trans women's experiences aren't also beneficial! But that, well, obviously no matter how similar the experience birds of a feather and that sense of comfort of sharing identity still matters. This is true for other issues of identity too, I find, weather that's a good thing or a bad thing idk, but it is human.

The thing is I follow a lot of transwomen and have been seeing some alarms being raised about the community being formed around this word. You blocked one of the most egregious offenders so I trust you (which is why I'm asking sorry) I've seen a lot of misogyny and essentialism from people using the term "transandrophobia" and more egregiously "transmisandry." Idk your opinion on the latter term (I haven't scrolled down far enough on your blog, sorry if you talked about this before) but to me it's unconscionable. I was taught that transandrophobia existed as a term specifically NOT to use that term, that elevating misandry to a legitimate issue was dangerous for obvious reasons and it was one of the reasons why I was so supportive of transandrophobia. To me, it seemed like an awareness that misogyny was the prevailing issue behind all issues of gender oppression, but when I actually look at the tag I...get uncomfortable.

Blogs I follow have repeatedly been upset at misogyny from this community, and have been using the term "transandrobro" to describe behavior they find akin to cis MRAs. I've truly seen horrible things with hundreds, sometimes thousands of notes to it that do, unfortunately, feel like women are being blamed for the plight of trans men. I've seen cis people say they were originally on MRA reddits and then came to tumblr to "confront the misandry directly" only to wholeheartedly adopt transandrophobia into their worldview. It's hard because I KNOW I shouldn't judge a community based on a few crazies but it truly does feel sometimes like "transandrophobia" gives misogynists a venue to air their woman-hating to an eager audience, kinda like how "Karen" has been co-opted beyond the og meaning of being for racist white woman to any woman being mildly rude.

So like, here it is: can transandrophobia exist without being co-opted by misogynists? Is there a threshold of proliferation for misogynists destroying this word until a new one needs to be made? Or will every word trying to identify the transmasculine experience be inevitably co-opted by misogynists because misogynists are just that powerful, so people should double down harder on the word and work to push misogynists out?

(Also am I going crazy, or did this word a year ago used to have a WAY better community than the one I see nowadays. Back then I could find your blog and really compassionate people easily, and now it's just...bad.)

It is a little hard to understand some of this post but I will do my best to answer what I think is being asked.

To put simply, I think the reason why it was better a year or two ago is because the majority of the people who were actually trying to further the conversation and not just circle jerk in the echo chamber got chased off. Transandrophobia, anti-transmasculinity, transandromisia, transmascphobia... the guys who coined these are largely either not posting at all anymore or post far far less than they used to. They were harassed and the constant exposure to transphobia made them shut down their blogs for their own mental health. Not all of them, but a lot of the so-called "big names" had this happen.

Even I stopped posting for a while and shuttered the doors for a bit outside of a long queue of dog photos because of how much it was affecting my mental health.

In their place remain people who are not committed to the same conversation. Perhaps they are younger, or less familiar with the building blocks of theory that really should be required reading, or are still stuck in their "everything sucks and it's YOUR fault" phase. Maybe they do come from different places, like 4chan or reddit, which are less prone to this sort of discussion. A lot of the original crowd had been on tumblr long enough to remember when we could still edit posts, and I keep seeing people who would have been in elementary school at that time posting to the tag nowadays.

I was discussing this problem on discord with a small group of friends and one of them- a trans fem- called it second wave transandrophobia discourse as a bitter joke. I think she is more right than wrong, regardless.

I'm not sure who you believe I've blocked- in general I don't air out who I block on this blog because at nearly 12k followers there are too many people who would love to dogpile someone for the sin of disagreeing with me and I do my best to prevent that. I don't want anyone to be harassed, after all. There's a lot of assumptions that have been made about my block and follow behavior that vary from "hilarious but untrue" to "outright offensive slander".

People are people, and some people are shitheads. Trans mascs and people who want to support trans mascs are not exempt from that. I say this all the time- Kayne West is objectively a shitty person but his existence doesn't prove the concept of antiblackness to be a myth. Caitlyn Jenner is objectively a shitty person but her existence doesn't prove the concept of transmisogyny to be a myth. So why do shitty trans mascs prove our own theory to be dangerous or nonexistent? Why hold us to a higher standard than any other marginalized group?

I could ask you the same question- there are posts on here with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of notes made by trans fems and cis women who blame their problems with transmisogyny on trans mascs. There are people coming from reddit, Twitter, 4chan who are being actively transphobic and misogynistic and claiming they're doing it for the good of transfeminism. There are posts filled with misogyny and bioessentialism and gender essentialism and even interphobia and racism and transphobia being left completely unchecked. Do you think it would be acceptable for me to ask if that means transmisogyny theory should be abandoned or if we should just accept that it will draw people with bad intentions?

Or do you think the better answer is to focus instead on finding those with a good head on their shoulders, and making sure it's them who has their voice heard? Do you think we should maybe not judge entire demographics because there exists some shitty people who claim the same identity?

[iam93percentstardust]

one of the things that i loved about barbie (2023) that i think a lot of the posts making fun of male-written reviews miss is that, though the movie presents itself as a commentary on the patriarchy and sexism, the message at the core of the film isn't actually limited to being about (cis) women. it's about anyone who is Other.

i went to go see the movie on thursday afternoon before all the big midnight premieres, and the theater was still packed. there wasn't an empty seat in the entire theater. i had a seat at the end of the row, which i had picked out in a faint (futile) hope that no one would sit next to me. thirty seconds before the trailers started, a family of about 10 black people walked in and split up, presumably because they'd only just bought their tickets and there were no longer 10 seats together. the dad and the son, who was maybe a few years younger than me in his early-20s, a good foot and a half taller than me, and who i recognized as one of the football players at the local university, ended up taking the two empty seats next to me with the linebacker in the seat right next to me. and that was pretty much the last time i thought of them until the last twenty minutes of the movie.

see, in the last twenty minutes of the movie, america ferrera makes an impassioned speech about not just the limitations that male-dominated society puts on women but the limitations that women put on themselves in order to survive in said male-dominated society. it's about the contradictions that we're subjected to--you can't be too much, but you can't be too little either. you have to lift each other up but you're also in constant competition with other women for the shredded dregs of respect that men have left over for us. you can't say yes to a man because then you're a whore but you can't say no because then you're a prude. it was passionate and bitter and furious and it had every woman in the theater, myself included, in tears.

and in the silence of the theater following america ferrera's plea for barbie not to make herself less just so that society isn't threatened by her, the linebacker sitting next to me said fervently, "i feel that."

it brought everything to a screeching halt. now i'm a white woman, and though i'm fat and nowhere near as gorgeous as margot robbie, from the very first trailer, it was obvious that this was going to be a movie for me. and if done right, it was going to be a movie for all women (and i would argue that it was). but the thing that it also did right was that though the surface of the message was about women making themselves lesser, the core was that it was for anyone who makes themselves lesser to fit in. yeah, it's for women who are trying to fit into a male-dominated society, but it's also for bipoc who are trying to fit into a white-dominated society. it's for trans people trying to fit into a cis-dominated society. it's for gay people trying to fit into a heterosexual-dominated society. it's for anyone who's been Othered and has to shrink themselves in a desperate attempt to survive.

i love the posts making fun of male-written reviews that are butthurt that this movie isn't for them just as much as the next person. but i think it's important that we don't forget that those are representative of the people in power, the people that could never understand this message. barbie is for me, yeah, but it isn't just for me. it's for my trans friend who is six feet tall and has a beard and wears pink dresses every single day because they make her feel pretty. it's for my labmate who could practically be a barbie herself and irritates me every time she talks about thinphobia but also can't find someone who wants to be with her because she's brilliant and not because she's beautiful.

it's for the black linebacker who sat next to me in the theater and felt heard when a fictional character in a movie told him not to make himself smaller just to fit society's standards.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.

Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.

Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).

What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?

Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.

I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?

We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!

I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.

You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I don't want this to come off as offensive, because I'm totally don't mean it that way and am really just curious about this.... why are you converting to Judaism as a trans person? Judaism has a firm belief that you can be a good person and still go to shomayim, even without being a Jew. Part of being Jewish is understanding that Ha'Shem made you the way He did for a reason, whereas the whole notion of trans (to my non-trans understanding) is that you were "put in the wrong body," which just doesn't align. Either you were a "mistake" or God doesn't make mistakes. How do you reconcile those two things? I also don't understand the whole converting to conservative thing. Being conservative is going to the "cheap" sect of Judaism, so to speak, which means not accepting the full 613 mitzvot, which is the whole thing with being Jewish - having to carry the burden of all 613 commandments. If it's not a "full" conversion, why do it at all? Because, again, it's not mandatory to be Jewish to be considered a good person according to the Torah or Ha'Shem. We will love you as b'tzelem elokim either way. <3

The questions you're asking me are so layered in intricacy that I don't think I will be able to convey through text. I'm only answering these questions once because I am not here to defend myself, and I want to make this clear.

I'm dissatisfied with the narrative of "born in the wrong body." It's verbiage that often exists to convey to cis people what it feels like to be trans because cis people are (often) unable to even imagine anything else but being cis. It's largely for your benefit to help you understand.

I was not put in the wrong body. Being trans is an identity, not a preset determiner of how you view yourself. There are certainly people out there who may feel they were literally put into the wrong body, but that is not a prerequisite to being trans and it is by no means a reality for all of us. Because we aren't a monolith. We both acknowledge g-d made me (and all people!) the way He did for a reason. And I'm trans. I remember first coming to the realization that I'm trans and I fell into this idea that being cis is the default, the only option - g-d would never make people like me. And it only alienated me from g-d and made me miserable. If I never embraced my transness and accepted it as something g-d made me to be, I never would have come back to g-d. I think I vastly prefer this reality.

Secondly, I'm trying hard not to be offended at the idea that I'm converting to conservative judaism. I'm converting through the conservative movement, but the conservative movement is not where I place my allegiance. It's to the jewish people. If the movement didn't matter to others, I wouldn't even specify it precisely because people will sometimes use it as a yardstick to gauge "how much" a person does or does not do. There is nothing 'cheap' about any judaism. I am in love with every part of judaism - the culture, the music, the art, the history, the people. I'm not just converting for religious reasons, either, and it feels devaluing when people are only willing to acknowledge how religion plays into a convert's journey. Judaism will always be that and more to me.

I really do want to approach this in good faith, to assume that you are also coming from good faith. However, the only reason I'm answering this is for a potential learning experience. I'm only interested in proving myself to my beit din. Any further asks such as this will not be regarded.

[ros-sauce]

Oughg my god Speaking of Mizuki Regularly Getting The Trans Flag Glued To Her Forehead. Today I am thinking about Solitus Utopia. Big yap session ahead

In terms of cards, it's probably The bluntest example of aforementioned trans flag forehead gluing; pink, blue, and white take center stage. And ouughhh. OUGHHGH. The placement of those colors is making me absolutely crazy

Her outfit has a similar deal to her first casual outfit. Lot of blue and white happening with the clothes, and then her hair and eyes are the pink needed to complete the set. To me, what that says is "This character is a walking trans flag, and she herself is the pink. The Girl Color. The girl!"

I've always felt that pink being the only one of those three colors to be Attached To Her was significant, but it's only now that I'm realizing that the clothing has significance too... I'm feeling two meanings from it:

It signifies the importance of cute clothing in Mizuki's transition. Being as cutesy as possible and altering her silhouette are some of her main tools in the way of passing as cis. (The former being a source of joy and the latter being a dysphoria alleviator also deserve mentioning!!). Her clothes complete the trans flag that her Girl Color Hair started; her clothes build up the road she took on the journey that her Girl Color Very Being started. ... And on a less positive note, I think there is also some significance to the fact that the trans flag color palette is only all there when something is Applied To Her. Without her outfit, she's just Girl Color. When the outfit is put on her, the Girl Color is made to be a part of something else, The Trans Colors. Your first thought is no longer "That's a girl and she happens to be Girl Color. Neat!", but "That's a trans girl and she happens to be Trans Colors. Neat!". I feel like there are parallels between that and how much she hates being labelled Different. This is crude, but it's how the words want to come out of my mouth. Sorry: Because Society Says So, you don't need to wear clothes at home, but you do in public. Because Society Says So, Mizuki can exist as Just A Girl when she's at home. She can be Just Pink. "Her home" means two things here. Firstly, Literally Her House, with Yuuki "Ally 9000" Akiyama & her supportive-enough-I-guess parents being the only people who she interacts with. To them, she's just a girl, and they're not weird about it. They know she's trans, but they don't act any particular way because of that. Her other home is Nightcord, at least before Niigo started meeting up in person. As Amia, she was assumed to be a cis girl, and there was no risk (in their pre-mainstory days) of Niigo ever finding out otherwise. While being presumed cis isn't quite as close to "Girl With No Modifiers" as living with an unfathomably based family, it still didn't carry the Othering that she's used to accompanying her status as a trans girl. If she wants to exit her home, she has to put on the clothes, has to put on the label that is made when the color palette is completed, and go from "Girl" to "Girl And By The Way Did You Know She's Trans?". And that makes everyone and their mother feel like it's fine to treat her weird. The pitying and resentment that she fears so much at best, and "HEY DID YOU KNOW SHE'S NOT NORMAL? ISN'T THAT WEIRD? AGREE WITH ME NOW OR YOU'RE WEIRD TOO" to anyone who'll listen at worst. With a million billion other forms of othering in between. (Hm. Suddenly I'm thinking about blue's absence from her 3rd anni casual outfit. She's no longer a walking trans flag, and is way pinker than before. Because it's a marketable game with marketable characters, we always had good reason to expect Niigo to be normal about her when the secret came out. But still, I feel like having Even More Girl Color glued to her forehead in Trans Palette's place could be considered some kind of foreshadowing for Niigo being normal... BUT ANYWAY this is not a post about the most incredible pants this world has ever seen, this is a post about Solitus Utopia, so I'll get back to that now.)

With the clothing out of the way, I'd like to move on to the rest of the card. This card is from late 2022, when Mizuki's transness was not quite as obvious ("a few inches away" levels of in-your-face as opposed to the more "you are a school principal at a fundraiser and her transness is a cream pie" level we are at now). This makes me extra ready to take this card as an unspoken "To be clear yes she is a trans girl".

The background walls and furniture are largely blue, and the decor is largely pink and white (and purple. Hi, Niigo!). The former is something that's hard to alter or move or acquire more of, whereas it's pretty easy with the latter. If you have walls or furniture that you hate, you can make it look more palatable by decorating it with things you like, with relative ease. Mizuki did that! The background is covered in all manner of fashion-related pink things, and the pink sewing machine and other supplies carry the implication that she made them herself. They do a great job carrying out their purpose, popping so much in comparison to the blue walls that said walls appear more grey than anything else. And also, you don't really feel like looking at the walls, because all that decor makes them Not Really A Point Of Interest.

To me, that sounds a whole lot like transitioning. There's an unfortunate status that's pretty hard to get rid of, both legally and socially, because Government and People just love to obsess over what you were assigned at birth. But changing the way you appear helps make things more bearable for you, both because you're happier looking a certain way, and because the public is slightly less awful to you when you look a certain way.

Cycling back to the "you focus on the pink things more than anything" point, I feel like the most significant pink thing is Mizuki herself. And I think that is also very nice!! Her pinkness is at the very center of the card. It is the heart of the card! Pink!! Girl color!! Heart!! Mizuki's heart is girl color!! Woah!!

(Obligatory "I do not speak Japanese and I do not live there, so I could be wrong", but I think "I was born with an [insert gender] body, but my heart is [insert other gender]" is a fairly popular way of describing being transgender in Japan? I feel like that phrasing has been losing popularity in English, but I still hear it fairly often in Japanese LGBT+ circles on social media and stuff. If I'm right, then that adds a few more significance points to the Pink Center Of Card thing)

Neat card. I love this pink girl a lot

[ahungeringknife]

Let's talk about Aspec characters and relationships!

I'm aroace. I write a lot of characters who are aspec in some way. I have a lot of aspec friends. And this is why your aspec character is driving me crazy. There's also sex talk in here so if you're not mature enough to handle it please scroll past.

Edit: Allos also should reblog this if you found it helpful.

First lets get some terms right:

Aromantic (aro) and Asexual (ace) are two distinct things. Aroace means you're both aromantic and asexual at the same time. It is generally referred to as 'aspec' (aro/ace spectrum) when you fall on one or both spectrums. If you are not aspec you are allosexual/alloromantic (allo). It just means someone who isn't ace or aro. You can also be aroallo or aceallo (aromantic allosexual, asexual alloromantic). All these terms are neutral and not used in derogatory ways similar to trans/cis. It's a descriptive word not a put down.

Now about those characters and their relationships. Because that is the most :))))) to me as an aroace is when people just don't know how to handle an aspec character. Usually because they're allo. But that's okay you probably don't know and we're all here to learn from each other. Here's some things to consider when you want to make or write an aspec person.

Ace's do sometimes have sex. They just aren't motivated by sex. That's it.

Along with sex your ace character may also masturbate and feel good being touched. They also might only like touching themselves and hate when other people do it. They usually also know when someone is hot/sexy and will comment on it. Finding someone sexy =/= we want to fuck them. Thinking someone is hot =/= we want to fuck them. We're still human. We know what a hot human looks like. Your ace character might be attracted to someone's appearance aesthetically but have no interest in their bits. Your ace character might fall in love with the most beautiful person in your story and never show any interest of wanting to bed them.

They can have boyfriends/girlfriends/romantic partners they do or don't have sex with. But they can be anywhere on the spectrum of sex repulsive, to sex positive, to absolute sex hound. Some of the horniest people you know are probably ace. Some of the horniest people I know are ace, and I have a lot of ace friends.

And we're not all virgins. Some ace's had sex and realized 'nah fam. Didn't do it for me' and never did it again. Others are virgins and have no intention ever of having sex. Others are virgins but don't care either way? It just hasn't happened. Others enjoy sex with their partners. Some are parents! You can be ace and had enough sex to procreate. Some also think sex is icky or it squicks them out. Some might be squicked out at the thought of sex with another person but they're fine looking at porn or doing it themselves. There is a wide range of what asexuals are into just like allos.

Aros also sometimes do the sex. They are not motivated by romance. That's it.

That being said your aro character can have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and it can be 'romantic'. It doesn't have to be a queer platonic relationship. Your aro character also might not want to be in a relationship at all. It is not weird for your aro character to call their partner their partner or bf/gf or if they're married their husband/wife.

Aro people do not get butterflies. They don't really get flustered around people they like. There's no spark. And they don't feel that romantic attraction allos do when they meet someone and fall in love with them. I've found that aro people are also terrible at flirting or picking up flirting cues. At least in my own personal experience when it took my aro ass 3 years to realize some girl was flirting with me and I just thought she was being nice to me. Take the 'useless lesbian' trope and take it to 11. We just don't know. Aro people also know when other people are hot. Just like aces just because we're aro doesn't mean we don't know a baddy when we see one. We just probably won't realize said baddy is flirting with us...

Aro character still love. They love their family, they love their friends, they love their partners. And it's all real love. The love is still there. Aro characters also probably know what they should do to mimic being in love. Even if we don't love someone more than platonically they may still do the things romantic partners do with their partner. Some don't! And that's fine too. Sometimes you're boyfriends and you share the same bed with him, and sometimes your girlfriend is just your roommate. Both are totally valid aro relationships. Maybe your character kisses their partner passionately and they like it, or they might only kiss during sex, or they might not kiss on the mouth. All valid and correct, still no romo. Kissing =/= romance for aros. Sex =/=romance for aros.

Aroace characters do all those things! At once! They can do the sex, and the boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and loving their friends. They just are not motivated by sex or romance. Kissing =/= sexual attraction. Sex =/= romantic love.

Being aspec is looking at the most beautiful and delicious cake in the world and going 'neat, cake' and walking away not even wondering what it tastes like, not even for a second considering having a bite. It's a cake. Neat. You are not motivated by cake. You don't even really care about cake. It's nice that other people fucking loooooooove cake but it's just not for you.

We also know what love is supposed to be like, what a 'healthy sexual' relationship should feel like. It's everywhere. All around us. Constantly. It's also sometimes fucking exhausting! It's why some aspec people can be a bit agro. We get it you're in love/got a new partner/are sleeping with someone/really sexually attracted to this person/keep spamming us with your celeb thirst pics/etc. It does get tiring sometimes. We don't care about the cake and sometimes listening to you talk about the cake drives us crazy. Consider that too when writing aspec characters. Sometimes their friends and their cakes are annoying no matter how much they love them platonically or romantically.

Anyway just some things to consider for your aspec OCs from an older aroace. Should be said aspec is a wide spectrum and I'm drawing on my own experience as an aroace with aspec friends, and my writing of those characters. If you have more questions about writing characters on this spectrum feel free to ask!

[velvetvexations]

Even putting aside what a ridiculous comparison that is, I need it understood that the primary way transradfems engage with "material reality" is through movies from the previous century.

It's hypervisibility vs. invisibility. Trans women were openly mocked and trans men were ignored or just subsumed into a range of experiences for cis women. That's changing now that trans men are getting more spotlight than they had before, although it's still tilted in those directions.

But there was genuinely nothing transphobic about Chihiro's story and to say there was you have to prove his model was trans women and transitioning children when there is an extremely well-established category of AMAB people who present as girls in Japanese culture that is infinitely more talked about in pop culture over there. You have to insist upon the fact that he was ever connected to people who sincerely identify as girls in the first place. If this was America, it'd make more sense, but it is actually just genuinely racist to be told all that and still be like "well, but it makes me think of trans women."

This is why transradfems hate me, too. A trans woman disagreeing with them breaks their rules.

Especially the person who cannot stop fucking bypassing my block to screenshot my blog and then justifying it by claiming I do it, even though I fucking deleted those posts after she complained and have not mentioned her a single time since unless she did first.

Here's the thing: I DON'T THINK NOT WANTING TO ASSOCIATE WITH AGAB LANGUAGE IS UNREASONABLE AT ALL! But it's fucking projecting as fuck to say that people who don't like TMA/TME language must simply want to cling to AGAB. I mean, holy fuck, right? That's not what's being argued dumbass - but she can't think of any other way to divide trans people based on AGAB without referencing it in some way, so her ideal replacement is TMA/TME, that's the two kinds of trans people that exist, you're not AMAB or AFAB you're TMA or TME, this is so fucking masks off it's wild that other transradfems aren't mortified by her saying the quiet part out loud. This should just completely obliterate every trace of protest when someone points out TME is in practice exclusively used to refer to AFAB trans people and no one else ever, unless what she's actually saying is that AFAB trans people are so close to cis women that they might as well just by default be called the same thing and have no other way of identifying themselves when you talk about categories of trans people and their experiences.

But it's so intensely psychologically revealing. I don't think she's ever been misgendered a single time in her life. I don't think she's ever had even the slightest actual barrier to hop in her quest to live as a woman, because this oversensitivity where someone acknowledging transphobes see us as our assigned sex counts as them misgendering you? That's just not the behavior of someone who actually deals with these things in the real world. Or even online. Again, I get pedojacketed and threatened with actual cancelation from my actual career because I engage with actual TERFs. These people never do anything but moan about tee-em-ees misgendering them by discussing how the enemy perceives us. And she in particular is the most desperate to shut that out, because that is the only reminder there could ever possibly be a hypothetical obstacle to her claiming her girl card. I have zero doubt she lives in the queerest city on the planet and if she didn't have internet she would literally be unable to even conceive of transphobia as a concept. And she fucking hates me for not just being a trans woman who agrees with the transandrobros, but also personally identifies with my AGAB. The implication that it's possible for a trans woman to be okay with the term "male" shatters her self-esteem. That is the extent of "misgendering" she has ever faced and ever will face. Me identifying the way I do terrifies her, I have to be objectively wrong about claiming identification with my AGAB because she copes with insecurity by imagining a world where TERFs are right but instead of biology everyone's soul is either Male and Female and you can only be one or the other. Gender can't just be people figuring out who they are and the ways they want to express themselves and live their lives, that's not real enough for her, she has to be Trve Fymyle the way TERFs go on about, except instead of centering around wombs it's this weird vaguely spiritual concept that she forces everyone else to fit into because if they don't it implies her framework isn't the tangible reality she so desperately needs to feel valid.

And that's why she "needs" TMA/TME, because she reasonably wants to talk about the experiences of people who share her category but doesn't want to identify as anything that references what those experiences fucking are (e.g. having been assigned male at birth). And again, that's FINE. I GET THAT. THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. I CAN SEE HOW THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. But that doesn't mean TMA/TME doesn't also have issues and I'm sorry if she's having a hard time coming up with something else because it's difficult to navigate the inherent paradox of wanting to associate with something that unfortunately makes her feel bad to associate with it, but she needs to pick something else, and not say "weh the TMEs are making us change our language" as though (a) transradfems aren't telling trans men what language they can use for themselves and (b) it's impossible to come up with terms that don't explicitly make claims about the experiences of others and 100% defines them by suffering less.

And isn't it strange how other transradfems are insisting they have to call themselves CAMAB and CAFAB, but THEY aren't clinging to AGAB language? Weird, right? I mean there is a group of people insistently arguing that it is simply paramount that we use AGAB language, but they're perisex trans women stealing it from intersex people so I guess it's fine?

But I don't CARE. I don't like her and I don't want to look at her stupid blog and I sure as fuck don't want to report on it. I just wish she'd stop talking about me. I literally just want her to stop block evading me and telling people my identity revolves around wanting to suck up to TERFs*. I do not talk about her except when she talks about me. AND I'M STILL NOT EVEN NAMING HER.

When she complained about me screenshotting her posts, I deleted them. They got zero notes. Her screenshots of me have hundreds and she keeps taking them because she's fucking obsessed because she can't feel like a girl if someone else identifies a little differently than she does. I don't even screenshot other people if they have me blocked but I see other people debating their takes, I make a post that references no one with unspecified prompting. And I've never done even done that with her, not only because she keeps baselessly accusing me of harassment, but because she infuriates me on a level where I just sincerely do not like seeing her fucking content in any way for any reason.

God I fucking hate radfems.

*which she happily admits to knowing is a lie but is like "yeah well I say she's mean so I'm going to keep deliberately fabricating falsehoods about her"

Thank you. <3

I have enlightened another soul!

If you asked these people, ten times out of ten they would say detransition and rape are the worst things that can possibly happen to someone and murder is no comparison, but they'll see trans men talking about their sexual abuse to be like "wow so lucky you guys just have to LARP The Handmaid's Tale, but we get KILLED."

And it's like. Okay. But fuck off, though? It's fine to personally see murder as worse and to grieve more over that, ig, it's like, whatever, but to openly state that it's a PRIVILEGE to be raped and detransitioned makes my brain melt. It's like they are physically incapable of not putting down other trans people. It is the one single area of activism they engage in. That is the war they are waging. They don't give a fuck about trans rights because they live in privileged areas with supportive families. Their battle is with the TME trans people on social media.

lolllll

"I hate how misogynistic Velvet is, she's everyone's cumrag"

^actual thing actually said and believed by the TMA/TME tankies

Before anyone accuses this anon of saying transradfems are engaging in male behavior or whatever, I'll note as I always have that they're just as sexually predatory and entitled to the bodies of others as TERFs are. That is the actual comparison being made. The worst trans women are identical to the worst cis women. Diversity win.

[the-great-ladyg]

So, I watched the James Somerton second apology video so you don't have to, this are my highlights, feel free to add more if I missed something important:

He monetized the video to donate to HBG's team and Wikipedia, apparently, he said also he has reached some of the people who he plagiarized but still, if he did he would have explicitly said "I'm donating to them"

Did he really said "well, I'm a white cis gay man, I don't have the same experiences as others in the community" as an excuse on plagiarizing others' works? And the "I thought I might be able to won over some people" sounds like some white savior shit

He still throws Nick under the bus, it really shows that James doesn't regret any other times he did that and it sounds like he hired Nick as a shield for criticism and not to have a more diverse work team

He apologizes to Jessie Gender and many others, but doesn't explicitly addresses why he might have offended them on first place (except for the police incident), yeah, he says he was reactionary, but he has been on many occassions. I'm not expecting a full detailed explanation, but at least he could have said "for the Nebula drama" or something like that

James says that at one point, due to covid economic consequences, he and Nick became poor and that led him to plagiarize more since they had to upload more videos, and look, I suck at organizing my time, I tend to do everything with little time before the date, and I wrote most of my thesis on the last minute with one or two days of investigating and I still didn't plagiarize, I could cite all of my sources the correct way, if my early 20s procrastinating ass could wrote a 70 page thesis on my own without plagiarizing, he could write a script with a second person without stealing but he prefered to do it anyway

Also the alegedly head injury, I'm not going to say that's a lie, but knowing how this guy uses any card on his favor, this might be something he pulled from his ass to justify himself

I don't know why but some of this Telos drama explanatiom sounds again like he didn't even know how to do all of this, and I get what is to start a project having little to no idea on how to start or continue, but he tried to do so much with so little without asking for any help when he clearly needed some help other than Nick, and also sounds like another excuse to justify plagiarizing

"Misinformation made its way into our past videos", no, my friend, it doesn't make its way when you investigate or check a site other than the first one you see, James loves to say he likes to investigate but still says things like this. "It wasn't malicious", (seriously, the audacity of this bitch), oh yeah, there's nothing malicious coming from the mysogynist biphobic and transphobic dude who misgenders trans people and erases a woman's bisexuality, specially when this lady told you she wasn't a straight woman as you said and this was a known fact for a few years

The ADHD thing feels like some ableist shit, like "don't blame me, I have ADHD uwu", James has offended many groups and communities through his youtube career and in his apology video he still finds the way to insult another group that suffers from many harmful stereotypes

As I said on a post addressing his first apology video, James can't create a space for everyone if he's transphobic, mysogynist, acephobe and racist, and he pretends he's convinced he was creating an "inclusive space"

Just as many people have said before, he didn't address anything of the things he's been accused of except plagiarism, he only says "I'm sorry to everyone who I have offended", no dude, you don't address mysogyny, racism or transphobia this way, James is a piece of shit and a coward.

And this idiot has put on public display some of his videos, specially the ones that show his racism (yeah, the Killing Stalking and Painter of the Night videos), I'm not clicking on them but I'm pretty sure he didn't cut his racist mysogynist rants, because they might not be plagiarized (if James is to be trusted) but they show the worst parts of him when he's trying to be original, and putting this shit videos on public shows he regrets nothing on being a piece of shit.

[sleepyboywrites]

Hey there, do you wanna do yandere headcannons for the creepypasta characters? (Specifically Trans or Cis Male Reader) whichever once you want, I did it with the TF2 characters and it was tons of fun

Hey! I hope it's okay if I just do an in general Male Reader because I don't like to use specifics unless it's necessary, like for trans/cis exclusive experiences ie: dysphoria/euphoria, overly descriptive nsfw if I ever end up doing something like that, and/or things like periods which cis men don't experience to allow more people to relate. In short I just don't want any male readers to feel excluded if it's not an exclusive experience if that makes any sense.

Also I apologize for not posting in a bit and taking so long to respond to this turns out I have too many thoughts about this particular prompt actually so this will probably turn into individual series/posts after this one

Yandere! Creepypasta x Male!Reader.

Tw: yandere behaviors kidnapping, murder, physical or psychological abuse, slightly spicy? for a couple Idk, it's nothing descriptive just mentions of a perverted mind and could possibly be interpreted in that way

Eyeless Jack

• obsession obsession obsession. Beastlike has things he stole from you in a nest. Kills people who interact with you. Almost wolf-like if I had to put a fine point to it.

• At first it's just people who were mean to you, hurt you, or made you feel badly about yourself because surely a boy like yourself would praise him for being so helpful to you, right?

• Then it's anyone who gets too close or appears to like you romantically.

• Then it's anyone you spend too much time with which interferes with time meant for him.

• He's delusional, but in the practical sense.

• Think, "I'm doing this to protect him" , "Those people would hurt him eventually", "He's not safe on his own, he needs me to look over him." "The outside world will tear him apart."

• Stalks you 24/7. You are never without eyes on you but you also don't have a clue he's watching at first.

• After all he only steals things you haven't worn in months or you could chock up to misplacing.

• And he's a hunter so he specializes in stalking whether for food or in personal matters.

• You won't know he's there until it's too late.

• He'll make his move to kidnap you once you've essentially isolated yourself out of fear to those around you dying. He'll treat you gently during his kidnapping.

• Using his medical knowledge he'd give you anesthesia as you sleep and take you home.

• May remove an organ or two as souvenirs, treats if you will to add to his nest.

• Once you are in his possession he will add you to his nest and you'll wake up pressed firmly into his chest as he mumbles incoherently.

•If you ever try to leave he will make you pliant in anyway he can think of. He's not above physically harming you if that makes it so you can't leave him. He worked so hard to retrieve his mate and he won't lose you even if he has to hurt you or you end up hating him but you will stay.

Ben Drowned

• A lot like EJ he's also always watching difference is you are always overly aware of his presence.

• He wants you to know that he's watching. He wants you to interact with him. Even if that interaction is you yelling at him and begging him to leave you alone.

• He is 100% playing some sort of sick game with you that he knows you'll lose. Think you'll develop Stockholm syndrome before he even kidnaps you.

• If he ever leaves you alone for a few days you'd find yourself missing the teasing remarks and add ons normally added as you went about your day.

• All due to his tendency to drive people insane of which you are not immune but the trail of your insanity leading directly to his arms.

• He knows this and is overly cocky about it both to your face and to others. Think, "oh poor you, you love me, what an unfortunate situation." To your face the first time you fall asleep around him with a stupid sick grin or "I'm going to kill you and he's going to come to me for comfort and protection when he finds out." when talking to someone he's deemed bad for you.

• He wouldn't go on a murder spree without a trigger but then like Jack that'll devolve into killing anyone he disapproves of which is everyone else.

• He has a general distaste and distrust of people due to the nature of his creation and will find an excuse to kill anyone around you should his murderous intent be triggered which can happen in three different ways you're constantly distraught by someone, you start ignoring him to be around someone else, or you've failed to keep him entertained so he needed a more entertaining situation.

• Possesive with a capital P, if he does not know your precise location or have you within arms reach at any given moment he will lose it.

• Clingy but veiled with indifference. He'll act as if he doesn't care but insist on keeping some kind of contact at all times. Once he physically has you this would be physical contact and before hand just following you everywhere saying he doesn't have anything better to do.

• Will use psychological and emotionally harmful methods to keep you in line if you ever try to reject him or his advances but claims won't hurt you physically in anyway.

• His vice grip on you reveals otherwise though. Enough so to encourage you to go along with him.

Laughing Jack

• I feel he'd court you in cat-like ways. If you've been in his box more extravagant shows with him as the lead, carrying you around places. (Being weary to let you leave until he eventually stops letting you leave.

•Leaving you gifts that go from sweet to scary really fast. Think your favorite treats and then your loved ones' hearts carved from their chests so you never have to leave him again.

• He's the king of being delulu and reacts poorly to ungratefulness so do try your best not to scream or hit him when instead of cotton candy he has a loved one's head on a stick.

• You can try to gently coerce him to stop killing your loved ones in order to isolate you and making you stay forever/to let you go. But he'll say "you're being silly" and "here is where you belong you goofball of a boy. " covered in your loved ones blood as he ruffles your hair.

•The accidentally kill you for being ungrateful/not accept him and keep your corpse like your still alive type.

•Keep it lighthearted and the Jester is your friend. If you don't and mention troubles he'll fix them violently.

• Is constantly coddling and cuddling you.

• Since he was once a guardian angel and he believes his murdering of ungrateful children is God's work, he sees you as a present for all his good work.

• Like a child being gifted a puppy on Christmas.

• Bone crushing hugs and grips that bruise your skin and make it so it hurts to move but he acts like he didn't mean to and gets moody if you push him away or say he's hurting you.

• It's an act though, he likes seeing you squirm in pain and the expressions you make trying not to cry when he holds you.

• He thinks it's cute. He thinks you're cute when you're in pain.

• On a lighter note, he 100% is the type of clingy to hold your sleeve going places or to poke you (mostly) lightly in order to get your attention.

Homicidal Liu

•The softest in this lineup.

• I believe the term is dormant Yandere? Yeah. It is, because you wouldn't guess something is off until something starts getting between the two of you.

• You remind him of before his traumas, whether that be you look like someone who was kind to him before or upon first meeting you were genuine, honest, and kind. You make him feel safe and calm or as calm as Sully gets and he's never letting you leave him.

• He'd incorporate himself into your life truly getting close to you. Like this is months if not years long in the making. He becomes the closest person to you in your inner circle and you're the same for him. He plays the long game.

• You guys live together and you probably already like him the same way he likes you but both of you are too awkward to talk about it and Sully has been forbidden to say anything or Liu threatened to take his meds. Or you guys are in a long-term committed relationship already.

• Protective, possessive, and obsessive but fairly level headed. He is aware of the reality of the situation. Ie: his possessiveness is giving you his clothes and repetitive thoughts of "mine" during times of physical contact or seeing you in his clothes and needing texts or where you are, why you left, and when you plan on being back as well as if anything changes. He obsesses over your likes, dislikes, mannerisms, emotional cues, and interests so he essentially knows you even better than you do. Protective being watching over you as you sleep in situations where it's acceptable to do so and setting up security systems for the house.

•More likely to grab your arm or hug your knees and sob "please don't leave me" than he is to ever hurt you. The most agressive he gets is when Sully is fronting but even then the likelihood of him hurting you above holding you a bit too tight is 5% and reserved for extremely specific occasions which virtually don't happen. Ie: you find out he's a murderer and react too poorly in a way he didn't expect, you leave him cold turkey, you treat him poorly

• Clingy always needs some kind of contact most of the time this equates to holding hands/pinkies in public and ensuring the two of you are essentially attached at the hip. Though because he's entered your inner circle you just think it's because you two are close and that's the product of your closeness.

• His hunting turns into stalking and killing those who've been bugging you and you've talked poorly about whenever he feels his bloodlust bubbling over.

•'Cause if he kills people you've said that you wished would die or that you hate you'll be able to forgive or even praise him right?

• Unlikely to kidnap you unless he gets caught/found out then he'll probably relocate the two of you but he'd rather talk to you about it beforehand so it'd be a last minute emergency type thing. Or if you spend too much time away from him.

Jeff the Killer

• Doesn't play games of any kind. He'll observe you just long enough to learn about you, your schedule, who all knows you, and how frequently they check in. Then he'll remove obstacles and he'll just just take you.

• Impatient and the shortest fuse known to man.

• He's not afraid to hurt you in fact he enjoys it so the more perverted side of him wants you to push him and his expectations.

• The chain you up in a basement type

•He'll kill anyone involved with your life so when you beg him to let you go with tears in your eyes saying you have people waiting for you he can tell you with certainty that you don't. Not anymore. Laughing as he tells you and stroking/tugging at your hair.

• Degrading and mean to the point where you can't tell if he hates you or not. Uses pet names in a derogatory way as well.

• Pretty distant and cold even after you warm up to him and he lets you wander around a contained and highly surveillanced area, though it's probably just the torture basement he chained you up in to begin with.

•Most affection you'd get is a pat on the head or shoulder.

•Any other form of affection wouldn't really feel like affection.

•Wants to break you into a mindless doll essentially for him to love, use, and abuse. But the breaking you into it is very important to him.

• Will torture you severely for any mishap.

•The only way you can tell he's attracted to you beyond physically, is if he goes too far with the torture, when he's patching you up, or when he brings you something you like/he likes.

•Though he talks to you sweetly sometimes after you pass out and/or are slipping into unconsciousness. "You were made for me, sweet boy." "So good for me." It wigs you out though.

•you will feel like you live on eggshells as try your best to accommodate to him.

• you are most likely to go insane and learn to crave his mistreatment.

Ticci-Toby

• Delusional. He is convinced you and him are in love and have the white picket fence dream. Complete with a German Shepherd and two adopted kids.

• And because of the way his brain is scrambled once he starts thinking about you regularly he can no longer tell what really happened or what was a daydream.

• Hopefully he has a good enough grip on reality to have actually interacted with you before his delusions convince him that you need to be with him at all times and he kidnaps you.

• 'Cause if not he's going to be really confused as to why his boyfriend who told him this is what he wanted is freaking out to the point of needing restrained. You'll hurt his feelings and he'll probably successfully gaslight you into believing his delusions himself.

• Also the lock you up type but more in the paranoid of others stealing you from him way, so if it's not together you aren't going.

• Like Jeff he allows you to roam around a highly surveillanced and locked up area but unlike Jeff it's an actual house and not a basement.

• He will hole up with you for weeks until duty calls or the house runs out of supplies

• Very "I love him I love him I love him I love him" coded and needs you to be just as enthusiastic.

•The hurt you on accident and profusely apologize immediately after but loves how you look when you cry and tremble as he patches you up type.

• Think someone telling him something that insinuated his affections towards you didn't count so he grabs your arm and squeezes it as you try walking away, asking "Toby... you're hurting me." He says wide-eyed struggling for only a moment as his kidnapper/partner tightens his grip with steel cold eyes. "Tell me it counts. It counted right?" (may or may not be my first ex-core as in my experience based)

•He feels really guilty about it too and periodically he will be crying into your lap forcing you to comfort him after an outburst because he feels just like his dad and he hates it.

Tim/Masky

• Much like Homicidal Liu and Hoodie he is actively incorporating you into his life. Difference is he's trying to manipulate you into thinking he's the only one you can trust.

• Uses the White Knight Method, which in case you're unfamiliar is a highly efficient manipulation technique in which they solve your problems while unbeknownst to you being the source of said problems until you become obsessed with or fall in love with the "knight" protecting you.

• If you feel like someone is watching you, he's toying with you. In fact he'll probably show up shortly after from the opposite direction of where you think watching is coming from and ask you if you're okay. Revelling in the look of fear on your face as you gush to him about what's bothering you and promising to protect you as he walks you home.

•He'll sabotage your relationships by making you think that they're the ones who've been leaving disturbing gifts on your doorstep/trying to hurt you.

• It's very much so a game to him and you're the prize.

• He's the type to want to see every emotion you have to offer.

• He's also the likes when you smile and likes when you cry more type

• But his need for you to need him and seek him out basically nukes the previous headcannon and makes it so he settles for comforting you when as far as you know something/someone else made you cry.

•Essentially by the time he's done with you, you'd beg to never leave his side, for him to keep you close and keep you safe but you don't have to because that's right where he wants you.

Brian/Hoodie

• Stalker alert! He's watching you sleep and following you everywhere

•Also uses the White Knight method but he uses what would have been a one time scary occurrence and uses that occurrence as a scapegoat to make more situations/scenarios which isolate you and bring you closer to him.

• In fact, his protection is a gateway to you, his foot in the door.

•It starts with him stepping in when things get scary then you see him somewhere you frequent and you talk to him or he talks to you and numbers are exchanged.

• After of which you are his clearly. Obviously, you just don't know it yet.

• Then he starts staging more scary, making your loved ones hurt you/turn on you/are the culprit in a scary situation until he's all you have. Until you need him.

• Mans has hidden cameras all over your house.

•You know where most of them are after all it was his idea, he said it was for your protection. What you didn't account for is all the hidden cameras in the gifts he's got you.

• He's the quiet, doting, infantilizing type.

• As in he genuinely believes you are too small, weak, and pure to know any of his intentions and he treats you as if you have no clue about anything always. Babies you constantly at a gradually increasing weight until it's suffocating.

• He wants to lock you up and protect you.

• Gaslighting king, if you catch on or try to leave him he will gaslight you into staying.

• Think "Baby boy what are you even talking about everything I've done was for your protection and your protection alone. There's no secret cameras you don't know about you're being silly." Or "Sweet boy, I've never done anything you didn't want or need. I'm very intuned to your needs and you need me. You need to be protected, you aren't safe unless I'm near."

• So genuinely and heartfeltly said that you'd clearly be the bad guy for even thinking like that and with how deep he has you you'd believe him too.

[quakerjoe]

I managed to click on a real piece of shit. Naturally I replied:

"You skipped biology and science classes, didn't you? Or did they just not have them when you went? Science has made many discoveries since your old 1950's era textbooks. Of them, that the subject of gender is a broad spectrum and actually NOT as simple as you seem to believe it is. I'd cite you some sources, but honestly, mate; I don't believe for an instant you'd bother reading about it. You seem like just another JK Rowling sort of mouthpiece who has zero interest in looking beyond what you're comfortable with.

Let me clue you in on one tiny point in regards to this topic- The GOP's policies are, across the board, predatory and hurtful to whomever they target. Do you know who the target of this stupid bill was? FIVE trans kids participating in K-12 sports across the entire US of F'n A and its territories, dude. Even if you have ZERO compassion for less than one percent of the nation's population (All the trans citizens in the US), doesn't it bother you that with ALL of the other fuckery going on, with all of the other ACTUAL emergencies and priorities that need addressing, that the government (specifically the pedophile-enriched, sexual predator ridden, scam-artist faction that the GOP has become) went after FIVE children?

Your attitude, kid, is why we can't have nice things. We could be working on universal health care. We could be working on paid family leave. We could be doing something about our failing infrastructure or (not that people like you believe in it) the climate change crisis. We could be working on wealth inequality since the min. wage hasn't gone up since W's administration.

But you want to giggle at AOC for pointing out how the GOP wants to become a bunch of pedo-crotch checkers because this hasn't affected you in some way yet so you feel free to laugh about it? That's your attitude toward this? It is with so many of your ilk until it's YOUR child. Grow the feck up, kid. Try actually using the internet to research transgenderism, what it really entails, and whether it really deserves the scorn you're radiating when there are so many more important things to tend to right now. Don't just be one of those couch commando types until you've done your research; it really does make you look a bit like an asshole, and even cis-gender, hetero men like myself can see through your cloud of cluelessness having a good chuckle over targeting and victimizing people you know nothing about.

It IS an odd subject to the inexperienced, unread mind. Have you ever even had a conversation with a trans person? A gay person? I doubt you'd give any of them a second glance or the time of day. You seem more apt to let loos your dog(s) on them and assault them. Would you go so far as to beat the shit out of gay/trans people, just because you "don't get it"?

Too many people are put off by trans people because all they understand about them is their own belief that trans people insist that they're something than they really are. You know- like fucking CHRISTIANS in 'Murica do EVERY DAY. They think because they wear a gold cross around their neck or go to church for their weekly Sunday Circle-jerk to talk about a book that NONE of them have read and worship a guy that NONE of them respect or would listen to today because he's brown skinned and totally a commie-socialist hippie. Still, we have to listen to THEIR crap because of some notion behind freedom of religion means being given license to be a total hypocrite.

Does any of that sound like you, kid, or are you better than all of that right-wing, hate on minorities, led by sex offenders, kind of crap? If I'm off in how I've receiving you, the I do apologize but I couldn't even get to the two minute mark before you gave me the distinct impression that you not only have no idea what you're talking about but that you have ZERO respect for women, trans people and it's only a small just to assume you hate gays too. Maybe you hate black people as well. Perhaps you want to also kill all the Muslims? I mean, why stop with only one topic you clearly know nothing about nor do you wish to, given the amount of clear contempt and disrespect you've shown in under two minutes.

Seriously. Good luck being a human."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

so this happened a while ago but i still feel quite a bit of guilt over it and i’m honestly wondering whether i was in the wrong or not. i’m almost 18M now but i was 15M at the time (almost 3 years ago).

at the time of the pandemic i (15M) got very bored in quarantine and ended up making online friends with P (17NB) and later G (18NB) after P introduced me to G after the two had talked for a considerable amount of time.

the three of us were very close for a long time (this was the first friend group i’d had that referred to me as he/him, additionally as i had very little experience with online friends before now, and because P and G were both also trans like me it felt more comfortable).

P and G began dating after a while and met up once or twice, but as i live further away from them it was more difficult (additionally my mother was very restrictive on having online friends, so this was kept from her).

i had a very big puppy crush on both of them at this point but kept it to myself. however i did feel confused for a bit as although they were dating, P and G would tease me a little bit, calling me ‘good boy’ and sending me screenshots of them teasing each other ab their kinks then calling me a voyeur, stuff like that— in a teasing way, not in a genuinely flirting way but it made the crush a lot more intense for me.

P and G dated for almost a year but towards the end things started going wrong (at the end of the relationship, P started talking about how he didn’t feel attracted to G anymore because G wasn’t a cis man and didn’t have male genitalia. which came off as a little weird to me as both of them were transmasc?) but they agreed to part ways

they broke up soon after and i kept in contact with both of them seperately (probably not the best decision as P would constantly talk shit about G in a group chat even months after they broke up which i didn’t like). but P ended up suddenly talking to me and saying that i was talking too much to G, then giving me an ultimatum of either i stop talking to G or they wouldn’t talk to me anymore for their own mental health

this also happened on new years which just put me in the worst headspace i’ve been in ever. i ended up saying no, blocking P and telling G about it (even though G was a little disappointed that i’d been given that ultimatum in the first place and we just ended up not hearing back for a long while

the only reason something started up again was that later, a mutual friend of ours mentioned they had seen P post some concerning things on his story on instagram (about cutting off toxic people, more stuff about G, but also suicidal ideation kinda stuff on his close friends) and i realised i still had access to his vent account (which didn’t have a lot on there but enough that it would probably make the average person worry a bit).

G was worried about P even though they’d broken up and asked me to send him some screenshots of the vent acc’s newer posts so he could relay them to his family and hopefully get some help. i sent maybe three or four posts over and G sent the posts to his mom who then had a conversation with P. i then got a lot of messages from P calling me a horrible person and saying i was wrong, which i was really confused and stressed over because i genuinely thought i was doing the right thing and some of the things P posted were scaring me a lot. P’s two friends also messaged me later as well, calling me vile and saying i was horrible for doing what i did

i ended up apologising to P later because the guilt was eating me alive and i couldn’t take it anymore, and we ended up civil as the only thing we’d really talk about from that point was writing ideas for their blog, but then they decided to send me a random ‘congrats, you ruined my life’ emoji meme which made me really confused because i thought we were okay again. we haven’t talked for ages now but idk. the guilt gets to me sometimes and i think maybe i might’ve been horrible without realising because i genuinely wanted to help……. basically aita for sending the screenshots to G?

What are these acronyms?

[im-jesus]

im so scared. What if trump wins? I am a white cis girl but I’m bi and my best friends are all trans and poc and queer I am so so scared. Our country would be ruined. Please please please say Harris will win. I know she isn’t wonderful but trump is much much worse. I am so so scared

I understand, my love. I'm a white trans gay guy who knows how difficult it'll be for me, my queer friends, and literally every person of color in the united states to survive if Trump wins. All my friends are queer or POC except literally one guy, and it's fucking terrifying what could happen to us all if Trump wins. And I'm not even allowed to talk about it at home because I'm not allowed to talk about my identity.

I told one of my two best friends that if Trump wins, I likely won't live to see him inaugurated. Whatever happens to me, to this country, I'm dying on my fucking terms, not theirs. Will this help anything? No. But I'm unemployed and I live in a massively conservative area. I have no where else to go. I have no other options. And I don't know what else to do. And I know that you came seeking comfort, but so did I, and I'm sorry that I can't offer you any.

Usually I try to just keep myself to myself but this whole thing is terrifying me in ways that no one around me comprehends. So I guess I needed to vent a bit, and I have only, like, two people I talk to regularly, and one of them is going through some massive shit, and the other has their own issues and I don't want to burden them with my feelings, so thanks, anon, for putting up with me.

[coochiequeens]

Yes I already covered this and how Nessa’s car was vandalized. But I will always share stories about the gender cult threatening women.

A popular TikTok comedian has reported her car was vandalized following a series of videos she did criticizing non-binary activist Jeffery Marsh for allegedly inviting minors to communicate with him privately.

Shumirun Nessa, also known as @therealoverloadcomedyon TikTok, became the target of trans activist aggression after posting a series of videos responding to non-binary content creator Jeffery Marsh. In her first video, dated February 22, Nessa took issue with Marsh’s “therapeutic services,” some of which appear to be geared towards minors. 

In Nessa’s video, she showed a few seconds of a close-up of Marsh wearing green eyeshadow, false eyelashes, and speaking through clenched teeth as angrily told his viewers to “stop telling trans people we’re inspirational.”

Mimicking Marsh’s pressed tone, Nessa tells Marsh: “Stop telling kids to go on your Patreon and chat to you privately without their parents knowing.” Nessa ends her video with a facial expression characteristic of her comedic styling, one which has earned her over seven million followers on the TikTok platform.

Following her critique, Nessa became the target of backlash from trans activists, who accused her of mischaracterizing Marsh’s intentions towards minors and likening her words to murder and violence. While many replies to Nessa’s video thanked her for her cadence, others took the opportunity to attack her appearance, religion, and political views. 

“Please show us proof.. or are you just accusing someone with hearsay? Allah would be proud..NOT,” one user wrote in response to Nessa’s February 22 video.

Another commented: “This is transphobic. I have made excuses for you when you previously did problematic things but this is definitely far past the line. You are spreading harmful rhetoric that gets trans people murdered.” 

Despite being a Bangladeshi woman who was born in and lives in England, one user @bluebelleofthesouth2.0 responded to Nessa’s 18-second clip with information regarding “child marriage in the Middle East.” 

The woman shared the screenshot of information with a caption addressing Nessa directly:

“I genuinely liked you before this. Now I see you so fucking differently. Jeffrey isn’t fucking doing that shit and until you can provide proof that they are SIT DOWN… But we have proof of what men in your culture do every fucking day to little girls.”

Another user responding to the clip accused Nessa of “tokenizing” herself for “white supremacists,” and suggested that Nessa “really need[s] to go with the ethnic project.”

One non-binary TiktToker named Chelsea Hart responded to Nessa with an emotional two-minute video which she has since made private. In the video, Hart proclaimed that Nessa had “put Jeffrey’s life in danger and put every nonbinary person and trans person’s life in danger with [her] behavior.”

Hart said Nessa’s humorous TikTok was the “third time [she] has seen this lie about Jeffrey.” Hart declared that “recently, a bunch of conservatives have made it a point to edit Jeffrey’s videos in such a way that it leaves out the context that Jeffrey is a counsellor and a coach helping adults deal with childhood trauma.”

She says she does not know how Nessa got “swept up into far-right conspiracy theories,” and swears multiple times while defending Marsh, insisting that his content is for adults and adults only. 

She talks directly to Nessa, saying “you were so willing, without any groundwork, to label Jeffrey a predator which would put Jeffrey’s life in danger…”

Hart goes on to reference the murder of a trans-identified teen Brianna Ghey that took place in England and accuses Nessa of “putting another trans life in danger… because cis people always believe each other over us.” She continues lecturing Nessa and again asserts that her short video “put a trans person’s life in danger less than a couple of weeks after a trans person was brutally stabbed to death in the country where [Nessa] lives.”

“Jeffrey Marsh is a fucking counselor,” Hart angrily shares, demanding Nessa take her video down.

In response to the backlash against her February 22 video, Nessa uploaded her second TikTok on March 1. 

In her video Nessa says: “…a lot of people made stitches of me saying I’m transphobic… they’ve even attacked my scarf, my religion… and these people have also said [Marsh is] not talking to the kids.”

To defend her position, Nessa pieced together five clips of Marsh directly addressing minors taken from his own TikTok page, adding “so yeah, there’s a lot of videos of [Marsh] addressing kids.” 

The main video she takes issue with is one where Marsh tells his audience: “Your parents screwed up. It’s okay to say so! That’s why I made a Patreon.” 

Nessa responds to that clip and asks Marsh, “So you wanna talk to kids whose parents have screwed up? Why? Why you wanna talk to these particular kids? Why?”

She stitches more of Marsh’s footage where he informs his audience that his Patreon allows them to “connect in a way that has more privacy, so [they] could talk to each other in a way that’s more open and stuff that [they] wouldn’t share, like, in the comments…” 

Nessa invites Marsh to clarify on his offer of private communication. 

“So you wanna talk to kids on a social media platform privately about topics that cannot be talked about in… comment sections… because why? Why you wanna do that? What could be the reason? You teach kids how to go no contact with their parents…is that what you’re teaching them on Patreon? Or is it this” she asks, as she points to a screenshot from Marsh’s Patreon where he shared a post headlined “more on sex.”

Then Nessa goes into some frequently used grooming tactics by predators which include gaining access and isolating the victim. 

Finally, Nessa shows a clip of Marsh in a tiara talking to his viewers and saying, “If you do not have a family that loves you… I’m going to be your family.”  

Nessa boldly responds, “No, you cannot. You are a stranger on the internet. You are not their family,” and also notes that age restrictions can be turned off on Patreon, so children can indeed access his account where he coaches and encourages kids to go “no contact” with their parents. 

Nessa ends her final video telling viewers, “you guys decide what you wanna believe.”

But on March 3, Nessa would report she had faced a real-world attack for her videos on Marsh.

Calling it her final address of the controversy, Nessa shows multiple clips of Marsh’s own content in which he repeatedly encourages his followers to go “no contact” with their parents. 

Nessa responds to the clips and asks her own audience and to those intent on debasing her, “So if Jeffrey Marsh is really wanting to talk to the adults, why is… why are they already saying to the kids, ‘go no contact with your adults…?’” 

Nessa even refers to Marsh with “they/them” pronouns in a show of respect for Marsh and his “nonbinary” identity and to prove that she is concerned with his content regarding children as opposed to his “gender identity.”

Approximately two days prior to filming her final video on the topic, her car was vandalized outside her home. She admits that she has no cameras to show footage and does not know who is responsible for damaging her vehicle. Still, Nessa asserts that this is her final video on the topic “for obvious reasons.”

Nessa provides footage of her car in the TikTok, showing one of the back doors had a piece of panel seemingly ripped off. She confirmed in the comments she is in the process of getting cameras to monitor her property.

While Nessa received an immense amount of backlash for stating her concerns about Marsh’s conduct, she is not the only one who has expressed similar worries.

On March 3, the same day as Nessa recorded her final video on Marsh, screenshots began to circulate on social media from a UK school warning parents and carers about Marsh’s content.

While the source TikTok for the screenshot has been made unavailable, it was initially posted by a mother who claimed she had received it from her son’s school.

Marsh has long been the topic of discussion amongst pro-woman activists for regularly denying the existence of biological sex, and even taking platforms to advertise feminine hygiene products. 

In 2020, Marsh took place in a tampon advertisement campaign while calling himself a “non-binary person who does not menstruate.” Marsh claimed his intention behind taking the paid gig was to help end the stigma associated with periods. He said in a video: “And then the hate came for me,” and scolded women who took issue with his participation in the tampon promotion, claiming that they were “policing” gender by criticizing him.

In January, Reduxx noted that Marsh was well-known amongst child safeguarding advocates for his catalogue of videos directly addressing the “kids” in his audience. Marsh has encouraged people to go “no contact” with families or relatives who invalidate their gender identity, and has advised parents to provide “gender affirming care” for their children.

Violence directed at women who criticize gender ideology or proponents of child transitioning has seen a distinct uptick over the past year. 

In November, Reduxx reported that mother and activist Jeanna Hoch was attacked after attending a Tacoma demonstration in support of women’s right to free speech. Colorado Springs Antifa published a blog post about Hoch on their official website in which her home address was offered at the top of the post, as well as a link to a flyer with her photo, full name, age, and address. The flyer also featured a QR code and a link to the blog post itself, which painted Hoch and the other women who attended the Tacoma event out to be far-right fascists. 

On November 6, Antifa members distributed physical copies of the flyer in Hoch’s neighborhood and showed up at her home. Antifa members also took pictures of one of her vehicles and posted her license plate online. One of her vehicles was vandalized during the visit, with one Antifa member gluing a death threat to the driver’s side front windshield of her car.

Most recently, a Reduxx exclusive revealed a woman in Australia was left permanently disabled after being physically assaulted by a trans activist for her views on gender ideology.

By Yuliah Alma Yuliah is a junior researcher and journalist at Reduxx. She is a passionate advocate for women's rights and child safeguarding. Yuliah lives on the American east coast, and is an avid reader and book collector.

Early life and education

Marsh was born in York, Pennsylvania, and grew up on a farm nearby. Marsh often spoken about having felt misunderstood during a self-identified rough childhood.

Marsh attended college at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and earned a BFA in Musical Theater, later moving to New York City to pursue a career in cabaret performance[1] before becoming an internet celebrity[2]and leader in the LGBTIQ community.[3]

If Chelsea’s defense is that he’s a counselor then my question is he actually licensed?

[ghouljams]

I've just finished work so this might be rambley sorry but your thoughts and the discussion around oral is really really fascinating, both in how our experiences differ and overlap. If you don't want or don't have the energy to respond to this that's all good! I just wanted to share. For some context, I'm a late 20s, non American, bisexual afab that is gender non conforming to the point where I've been called he, she, they, it, and have never quite figured out if I'm cis or trans.

Openly out/non stealth trans or nb people weren't seen or known about in my home town, so here I'm gonna say man and woman rather than amab or afab cause I think it'll convey the experiences and attitude around me growing up better. People were also homophobic so these next two paragraphs aren't nice. However, they are not beliefs or opinions that I hold today.

Growing up, it was seen as normal for a woman to blow a man even if the woman didn't like it, it was expected because That's How Sex Works. Woman blows man, man has sex with woman. Men who went down on woman were considered weird, because ew vaginas are nasty and it doesn't do anything to contribute to How Sex Works. For a man, fingering or having sex with a woman was something to be proud of having done. I don't think bisexuals really existed, you were gay or straight and ooh boy there were Opinions on what they did. Like lesbians were all butch and hairy so it was gross that they went down on each other. Gay men were weird for blowing each other but more weird and more unmanly for actually blowing another man.

And then I figured out I like women in my mid/late teens, and thought I was a lesbian for a long time because of the good old childhood trauma and not wanting to participate in sex with men because blowing a man is How Sex Works and that's a trigger for me. And I became very confused as to why I was meant to think vaginas are gross because I had one, it isn't gross or weird, so why would eating pussy be gross or weird? Unfortunately, still being in my smallish town and being the only woman with a men's haircut under the age of 50, I became the weird looking baby butch lesbian that's obviously gross because she must eat gross butch lesbian pussy. I was *16*.

Then I moved to a larger city and I unlearned some things and learned others, and we move into 2018-today, where I'm happily bisexual. I've dated men, women, nb people. I've received and given oral to all three, and dated straight and bi men, and bi and lesbian women. And I think this is where our experiences overlap a bit. The penis=bad, vagina=good ergo people attracted to penis=bad is very prominent among lesbians, forget the penis belonging to a transwoman, if I left a lesbian then dated a cis man or they knew I had had sex that involved penises, I was considered unclean and less than them. Obviously not all lesbians are like this, but wow is there a stigma against bisexual women just because they're attracted to men who are statistically likely to be amab. There's a weird attitude among some lesbians around trans guys and bi women dating too but that's another kettle of fish.

There is definitely an attitude of I want to feel good but don't want to put the effort in to making a partner feel good spread pretty evenly across the genders and sexualities in my experiences. Some treat it as an obligation to give, some will freely give but if you don't react enough or come easily they stop bothering pretty easily (something about as the receiver, performing enough gratitude/enjoyment/making it worth the other person's while? If you're not going to actively enjoy it or even orgasm, why should I bother?). I'm currently dating the only person to straight up ask if they can go down on me for their own fun and that's a bisexual cis man (and the love of my life). Most lgbt people around me have the attitude of "we reciprocate oral in this house" and I don't know that many straight people in my age group well enough to get their opinions, but I found out that there's a deliberate name for people that eat pussy. Got asked if I was a munch, felt ridiculous tbh, as though I was being asked if I was a missionary position.

The oh its unfortunate I'm attracted to men attitude from bisexual women, fuck is that prevalent. I have a colleague getting engaged to a man who is like that. I HATE it. My partner is a man and I love him because he's him and because he's a man I therefore love that he's a man. I've also gotten over my fears and blow him, can confirm it's not gross at all. I don't know if I've ever seen the equivalent amongst bisexual men. Regarding penis=gross or tasting bad, I think some of that collective thought comes from being aware of how poor some men's hygiene is, or how openly unhygienic some are, and the idea of putting your mouth and taste buds on it isn't appealing. Same goes for women, but that idea of vagina=good overrides the truth that for every unhygienic man there is as many unhygienic women.

I think I've covered everything that was percolating in my brain, sorry this is so long it's been a mess of a day and my brain is now soup. Like I said above, no pressure to do anything with this, and please don't think I'm homophobic or transphobic, I just wanted to try convey attitudes around me from a smallish town in 2000-2018

I'm going to put my thoughts under the cut just to keep this post moderately sustainable in length lol

I think you perfectly encapsulated the cultural shift in perceptions of oral sex in your ask. The 2000s-2010s were DOMINATED by the idea that women go down on men and men don't go down on women. There was this undercurrent of emasculation to it, that going down on a woman somehow made you less of a man. I think this also was partially a backlash to the free-love movement in the 70s and even the second wave feminist movement in the 80s because this is also when we see a cultural rise in expectations of shaving among women. And I'm so glad you brought up "hairy butches" because the rise of low-rise jeans in the early 2000s really made body hair taboo.

Suddenly women's bodies become commodified but also absolutely sanitized of anything that makes them human. Of course you don't have to go down on your girlfriend, she's pretty much a blow-up doll in the early 00s. We see this really strange (at least in post 9/11 USA) cultural shift towards women being utterly sexless but also complete whores. There's this fascination with shows like "teen mom" and "16 and pregnant" but at the same time this increasingly widespread cult of purity. Purity rings become popular, abstinence only education is on the rise, teens are allegedly having more sex than ever but no one is telling them anything about it. EVERY GOD DAMN TEEN FOCUSED SHOW INCLUDES A PREGNANCY SUB-PLOT.

Getting off track sorry.

So... women aren't supposed to enjoy sex but they are supposed to be having it, but they also aren't supposed to be having it. You're meant to be the Madonna and the whore. We start seeing jokes about "anal doesn't break your virginity" you know what else doesn't ruin your virginity? Oral. So you can give head as a woman, but only with a man(because icky gross vaginas) and you can't receive head because you're culturally not supposed to enjoy sex or you're a whore.

Which all kicks back in the current sex positivity movement as a huge misunderstanding of the what/why that led to 2000s sex weird-ness and becomes penis=bad vagina=good. This is just blatant transphobia disguised as progressive values tbh, and I'm not going to get into that, but that's what it is.

So now we have this massive reactionary response to early 2000s sexuality. Sucking dick is demeaning because you don't have to do it anymore, men are gross anyway! Anal sex is in but only if you're gay, because being gay is ok now! Cunnilingus is the only acceptable form of oral because women have been denied it for so long (but only from men, we still think lesbians are kind of icky)! Shaving your pubic hair is demeaning because you don't have to do it anymore to be considered attractive (and in fact it's pedophilic for you to enjoy shaving despite being an adult making your own choices about your body)!

Honestly I just want to grab the people I've heard discussing sex like this by the shoulders and ask if they hear themselves, and if they do how do they not understand what they're saying??

There's also STILL this overwhelming culture around virginity!!!! WHO GIVE A SHIT??? Have sex or don't you're not some weird pariah just because you're an x year old virgin, you're just a person RAHHHH

ALSO on the whole Munch thing: munch is an actual kink term for people who derive sexual pleasure from oral sex, as in "This person will come in their pants eating you out." And it's so wild to me that people are using it to mean "you eat out" like yeah but I'm not shooting my load doing it, y'know? I enjoy it but more because I'm bringing my partner pleasure than anything else.

Ok going back to the penis=bad we hate men thing. As a fellow man loving queer yeah it fucking sucks. I love my man, he's great, he's sexy as hell. Fuck, I love dick. And not to get into "Ghoul's problematic identities" but I am a lesbian dating a man, now I do tell people I'm bi these days but I identified as a lesbian for YEARS before I met Mr. Ghoul, and the only reason I even went on a date with him is because my therapist was like "You can't keep letting your trauma dictate your sexuality" like ok go off queen I met the love of my life because of you. BUT The amount of "gold star" lesbians is absolutely appalling. Congrats to you women who have always known you were gay and managed to avoid interacting with men in that way but most people have a little bit of a journey associated with their sexuality and that often includes sex with different people. (Also the way this immediately excludes transwomen from the conversation of lesbianism...)

There is so much hatred around loving men within the gay and straight community, and I don't think it's just a "men need better hygiene" issue, I think it is very much a backlash to the way women were treated in the early 2000s and some hurt feelings that Millennials and Gen Z are still holding onto. In my observation of it I see it very much as an attempt at what was previously called "political lesbianism" that has not actually progressed as far as it did in the 80s because there's still this stigma around lesbianism in straight women. It is, as always, a misunderstanding of how equality works because people have only ever seen things one way. Instead of placing giving head on equal footing for everyone we've gone the opposite direction and flipped from sucking dick is the only thing that happens to eating pussy is the only thing that happens.

There's still too many people seeing sex as something with an implicit power dynamic. People with a penis hold the power, people with vaginas just lay there. Which is just a blatant misunderstanding of what sex is about, but it's easier for people to break things down into easily digestible pieces instead of idk examining why they think(want) the dick to have the power? Like does sex have an implicit power dynamic or do you have a D/s kink?

I'm getting rambly and I don't think I've actually talked about anything, sorry, but I just had so many thoughts reading your ask and I think you phrased everything really well. Really brought a lot of things from the 2000s rushing back to me lol