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jokeroutsubs · 8 months

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[ENG sub/translation] Bojan Cvjetićanin: "Slovenia is too small for Tinder" (podcast)

Bojan Cvjetićanin on Cosmopolitan podcast, originally published on the 15th of September 2020 here. Podcast host: Anamarija Lukovec. Translation by @varianestoroff, native English proofreading by TWT @/klámstrákur.

This is an audio-only podcast, but you can listen and read the subtitles along with it here:

youtube

or you can read the full transcript in this post!

Teaser:

Bojan: I don't want to be available... available with a click. I want to be available in that if I am sitting in a bar, anyone can come up to me, that any girl can come up to me and ask me, I don't know, “Would you like to have a drink with me?”, “Can I have your number?”, whatever. Which doesn't happen anymore anyway, but...

Full transcript under the cut!

Host: Hi, believe it or not, the Cosmo Podcast is back. And it's back for a new, changed second season. Some things will stay the same, some things will change a little. And the very first thing that remains the same is that ... it remains the same that I will still be in front of the microphone. My name is Anamarija Lukovec and I'm the executive editor of Cosmopolitan.

In fact, I was thinking that we don't even know each other. We don't even know each other, actually. Even if you've heard all the episodes from last season, you probably don't know anything about me. I don't know anything about you. So I will introduce myself with one piece of information, which has somehow defined the new season. I notice in myself that I have many opinions that are not widely held. And also that, [while we] as a society are promoting ourselves as increasingly open-minded, free-thinking, accepting, we often act very hypocritically and are even Hostile to opinions that are not in line with ours, or with some opinions that are accepted by the majority.

So I want every guest of mine who comes to the new season of the podcast to present their unpopular opinion as a starting point for our discussion. To break taboos, to talk about things that may often go unheard to educate ourselves, and perhaps to anger or soothe our souls. Okay. Yes, and I'd really like to get to know you too, I'd like to know who you are, who's basically a Cosmo Podcast listener, so I'm inviting you, to send me your ideas, your secrets, your compliments, your complaints. Or you can just write, "Hi". I suggest Instagram for that. You can DM me at lunaticpoetry. It's L-U-N-A-T-I-C-P-O-E-T-R-Y. And yes, I don't use my real name, more on that another time.

So yeah, if you're up for it, we can get started and kick off a new season of the podcast. My first guest, yes, it's a male guest, not a female guest, I can't believe it, a round of applause... he's a musician, singer, frontman of the band Joker Out, Bojan Cvjetićanin. I'm sure you know him. I am sure you have a very good reason for knowing him. Bojan came to talk to me about relationships, dating, girls...

Before that, before we did the podcast, he also made a video. We invited him for a blind date in front of the camera because Bojan is single, wink wink. So yeah, I invite you, after you're done listening to the podcast, to click over to youtube.com/cosmopolitanslovenija where you can watch the blind date with Bojan¹.

And yes, let's start, right. Hi Bojan.

Bojan: Hi.

Host: How was your first blind date on camera?

Bojan: I was a bit nervous because I hadn't been on any blind dates before, and then the first time it was in front of the camera, oh my gosh. The camera catches everything, you can't hide anything. But I think I did a great job. The girl was great too.

Host: Do you think maybe you two have a future together?

Bojan: I don't know. I don't know. I must take a look at the crystal ball at home.

Host: Ah ok. In fact, our topic for today, your unpopular opinion, is also a little bit about love, dating, and so on. Can you just reveal your thoughts?

Bojan: My unpopular opinion, I don't know how unpopular it really is, but it is that Slovenia is too small for Tinder.

Host: Okay. And why do you think so?

Bojan: I feel that way because it seems to me that we all know someone who knows someone, and in Slovenia, this kind of social network very quickly turns into something where in the end everybody knows everybody and Tinder, at least in my experience, is quite, how should I say... funny, because you very quickly come across people you know.

Host: But maybe Slovenia is too small for dating in general? Because sooner or later you find, meet, date someone who someone you know has dated or been in contact with.

Bojan: I think it is. In fact, it is... We have this concept of dating, which I think is very different from the American one. In America, it's normal to go out with someone a couple of times a week and then, if you like them, you go to another one and maybe something develops. I don't think that exists here. Here, if you like someone a lot, you write to them on Instagram and then, if you're lucky, they say you can go out and two days later everyone knows.

Host: Yes, pretty much.

Bojan: Then you are off the list for all her friends.

Host: You close the door.

Bojan: Yes

Host: Do you think that makes us slower to go public with our relationships?

Bojan: Shoot, I don't know. Maybe we are a bit more secretive about it then, because of that, because we want to keep that certain feeling that the whole city doesn't know exactly who you're with but then all your friends are thinking about whether they know someone who was with your girlfriend or for girls if one of them was with her boyfriend.

Host: But perhaps the biggest problem here is that we are somehow closing our options, when we decide too quickly whether to be with someone

Bojan: To close our options with others?

Host: Yeah, let's say, because you know that if you're with a girl, then you probably won't go out with her friends or acquaintances. Well...

Bojan: In fact, that's probably pretty true, yes. Because I already feel that since we tend to introduce our friends to our online followers, and you're usually with them on stories and in photos, it would be a bit strange if one of your acquaintances dated the same person two months later, when you [and that person] were previously in the same pictures.

Host: And everyone would know. And suddenly you have a soap opera in front of the whole world.

Bojan: Right.

Host: Since you said Tinder is too small for Slovenia, you probably have your own experience with Tinder. You mentioned something earlier when we were filming. Would you tell us a little bit about your encounter with this app?

Bojan: I have a rather funny experience with Tinder. I was very interested to see what it was like. And of course I had to download it. And I made a profile, I put like three photos up and so on. And then I started getting screenshots of my Tinder profile in Instagram messages from some followers, “Oh my god, is that you?”, “Hey, is that you?”, and so I was like, “No, it's not me, no. It's a fake profile. It's a fake profile.” And it felt really awkward so I deleted it immediately.

Host: But why did you feel awkward?

Bojan: I actually made one because I was curious...

Host: In what it is like?

Bojan: In what it is like. This user experience. You actually see people and you just swipe them and there are no consequences. Nothing happens if you swipe someone left or if you swipe someone right. And I found that very interesting. But then I realised, yes, okay, but now it can be public opinion that I need to look for a girlfriend through an online service.

Host: Girlfriend. Or a one night stand.

Bojan: Right.

Host: Do you think public opinion is generally negative towards online dating? Because it seems to me there it is a kind of stigma, or something people are hesitant about when going online to look for love or a partner, because it's, I don't know...

Bojan: I think that this ‘Frendi in Flirt’ (‘Friends and Flirting’)² started when I was little and then the whole story was that these are services for people who are desperate. Both Tinder and these apps have normalised things a lot, I think, because it's virtually at everyone's fingertips. You sign in with that one click to connect with Facebook or you make a password and that's it. It used to be a process of making a profile and a photo and put the age and blah blah blah. And it was a bit more official, I think, when you decided to take that step. Now it's not a step anymore, now it's just, I download it in my room at home and in three minutes I have Tinder. So I don't think there is that much stigma about online dating anymore, I also know a lot of people who are in some kind of relationship through this, so I'd say there's still a bit of that, okay, LOL, you met on Tinder, there is no stigma of being a sad loner, someone desperate.

Host: By going on Tinder, you are basically admitting to the whole world or to all people who will see you there, that you are looking for something. And that's a bit awkward for us to admit. Yes, I am looking for something.

Bojan: Yes, in fact it is. I also... that was one of the reasons I deleted it. I mean, what is there for me to find now, you know?

Host: I'm cool on my own.

Bojan: Yeah, I mean, no, I'm cool on my own, but that, well, not everyone needs to know, that I am now looking for something, and that I am very available. Do you know what the cool thing is? That... I don't want to be available... available with a click. I want to be available in that if I am sitting in a bar, anyone can come up to me, that any girl can come up to me and ask me, I don't know, “Would you like to have a drink with me?”, “Can I have your number?”, whatever. Which doesn't happen anymore anyway, but... I would like to be available like that. But I don't want to be available for someone who can just swipe on me.

Host: Yes, yes, okay. Now, you said that a couple of girls screenshotted your Tinder and then sent it to you on Instagram. Did those same girls, for example, message you directly on Instagram?

Bojan: You mean directly on Tinder?

Host: Yes. No. Yes. Or directly on Instagram. Let's say, okay, on Tinder, if you didn't swipe them, they couldn't get to you...

Bojan: Yeah, probably then they wouldn't be able to.

Host: But then they wrote to you on Instagram, probably in some, I don't know, wishful thinking to get in touch with you. Why do you think they don't go directly to Instagram? Why... Seeing you on Tinder gave them a green light: "Oh, in fact, he is free, I can write to him."

Bojan: Maybe. But I also think it is a much easier way to just communicate something that already exists, than to start a conversation yourself. That's the same as, I don't know, I think most of the time, if we're sliding into someone's DMs, we're sliding through some story first or something you can reply to. It's much easier to reply back to something they've posted, than starting a conversation from scratch, where you let the person know you've come with the purpose that you want to get to know them and initiate a relationship. Like that looks so innocent: I'm just replying to what you posted.

Host: Can you explain to me this game of sliding in the DMs, because I'm a bit out of the loop?

Bojan: Okay. Honestly, I don't know what can I tell you, because I don't practice it at such a level either. I have two ways to slide into the DMs, I think. One is that if I see something on a story that I actually find interesting or funny, I slide into the DMs and I don't really mean to initiate anything else. And I just comment on what went on there, and sometimes a really interesting conversation starts afterwards. But sometimes you really do just reply, because why not?

Host: Okay. You've camouflaged it so well now that no girl will be able to tell exactly what you want the next time you slide.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Good. But what do you think happened to the actual old school approach towards a girl or towards a guy in person?

Bojan: I mean, it has changed completely, but now, basically, now that I think about it, I wouldn't dare say which way. I definitely think it is much easier if you see someone outside and you like them, wait until you get home and text them on Instagram, "Hey, saw you in town." Or whatever. "Would you like to go for a coffee with me?" Asking someone out for coffee rather than actually approaching them.

On the other hand, it seems to me that since we are all so exposed on these social networks, giving our followers the impression that they are somehow present in our lives, letting them into all kinds of situations, so that I could say that people feel as if they're already your friends somehow, before they even know you. So maybe in a way... basically, I will say, I think it's much easier for people to get to you at parties now, because they feel that they are somehow already connected, or that they already know something about you and can initiate a conversation based on something you do or post and share on your social networks. In the city, when you see someone, it's easier to wait until you get home and then write to them on Instagram.

But the last time I went out for ice cream with a friend, a dude actually came along and he was like, "Hi, can I just grab you for a second?" and I thought that some Jehovah's Witness was going to start selling some books there. And the guy actually came and told my friend that he couldn't resist, because he liked her so much that he just came to ask for her contact, to take her out for a drink and I was like "Wow, what a gentleman."

Host: Plus you were there.

Bojan: I was there. The first thing he asked, he was very polite, the first thing he asked was if we were a couple. I said no, go ahead. And he was, indeed, extremely kind. A very polite guy.

Host: And did she give it to him?

Bojan: Hey, she gave him her Facebook, I think. I don't know if they went out after that, I have no idea. But it was pretty impressive for me, he got respect points from me.

Host: Cool. How do you act if you see one girl somewhere and you like her?

Bojan: I usually try to find out who the girl is as quickly as possible, then sneak into some of the places where she's hanging around, you know?

Host: Aha, oh, but that's...

Bojan: I mean, ok, that sounded a little bit creepy now.

Host: No, no, it's fine.

Bojan: I watched two episodes of that show, 'She'...

Host: ‘She'?

Bojan: Isn't 'She' the series?

Host: ‘You'?

Bojan: ‘You'. That, yes, sorry. Yeah, I've just realised that I've been that dude, very creepy.

Host: They're probably people you have something in common with, you don't just...

Bojan: Yes, I didn't mean like sneaking in, just going out somewhere, but I meant more along the lines of, ok, now I see she's going to Kino Šiška for an event and then I will go there on purpose, even if I wasn't planning to otherwise. For example, you just invite a friend for a beer and watch out for where she is.

Host: How would you describe your love life or the current situation?

Bojan: I am extremely single. I don't know what you call it. Single and ready to mingle.

Host: To mingle.

Bojan: But actually, I don't know, I'm not looking for anything. I'm in a period now in which I'm like, trying to devote myself as much as possible to music and all that. So I try to be as creative as possible and not let any unnecessary thoughts distract me from being creative. But if anything ever happens, I'm always open to socialising.

Host: Since we were just talking about Tinder earlier. Tinder is also often associated with certain modern relationships, which often have some negative connotations. Undefined relationships and indecisiveness. Blablabla. Fuckboys, etc. But do you think this is really a new culture?

Bojan: From what I hear from acquaintances who live in slightly bigger countries, Tinder is actually just there as a means to get to non-committal sex very quickly. In Slovenia... given that I've never actually used it properly, I don't know exactly. But I suppose, knowing people who are in serious relationships, that people here take it a bit more as... actually seeing someone, they might like each other and go out and get to know each other. But there are almost certainly a lot of people who are only there for the sex. I mean...

Host: Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Bojan: No, I mean, I don't think it's bad at all, really, because if two people are physically attracted to each other and if they are actually safe in their physical relationship, which is to say, approaching the matter safely, I see absolutely no problem with that, honestly.

Host: Do you have any personal objections, like what you wouldn't do in a relationship or romance? Given that so many things are so okay and acceptable nowadays and things are...

Bojan: What do you mean?

Host: I don't know.

Bojan: Be more specific.

Host: Let's say open relationships, cheating...

Bojan: Aha. Okay, I've practically only been in a serious relationship once and when I was in the serious relationship I would never have thought of an open relationship and I never cheated. It honestly seems to me that if two people date in an open relationship and it works for them or rather, it suits them, then I have no problem. But if two people are in a monogamous relationship, cheating is one thing that's very, very wrong to me, I do not support it at all. So, I have nothing against open unions, I would not practice them myself. At least not for now. I have a very negative attitude towards cheating.

Host: Personally, I think Slovenia is totally too small for cheating in general, we don't approve of it.

Bojan: Absolutely.

Host: But how do you think this even works? People still do it.

Bojan: Hey, in fact, people do it full on. I mean, I have a big circle of people around me and I hear many stories and I, personally, with this anxiety that I have inside, I couldn't even manage these master plans and combine multiple hidden lives. I don't know. But some people actually enjoy it very much.

Host: You really have to have a lot of time to do that. It must be a hobby for you.

Bojan: It must be, I guess, a hobby for you, but you must really not feel sorry for your partner. Because you always find out in the end, undoubtedly always. Never...

Host: I think you find out before you even cheat. For example, when we were looking for a girl to go on a blind date with you the other day, a colleague contacted a girl. Before she even heard back from her, that girl's brother told her that he already knew she'd been looking for his sister. So within fifteen minutes it got around. So, let's say, one example of how quickly information gets around Slovenia.

Bojan: Well, here we go. Pretty awkward.

Host: Considering you're a young musician and I kind of feel like you musicians have a reputation for certain qualities when it comes to women and relationships. Would you say that you are the usual, stereotypical womaniser, someone who breaks women's hearts? Because I'm sure someone would believe that you are.

Bojan: Yes, I know that too, they are convinced that I am. I think, that at least here, some Casanova style Mick Jagger rock'n'roll version is impossible, because it's one thing to be in Los Angeles one day and New York the next. I would absolutely not call myself a womaniser. I choose the relationships I have very carefully. But I am very flirtatious. I do very much enjoy flirting, actually, not at all because I would have expected any starting point from this, we know what I mean by that. But just for that, because it's actually a lot of fun to give someone some playful signals and receive them back. I think it's a bit like, it gets your adrenaline flowing a bit, it's not harmful at all, I'm sure it releases hormones of happiness and joy along with it, so I think that it's only healthy and that people should be more flirtatious in general.

Host: How do you make yourself more flirtatious? Let's say, it seems to me that it really depends on someone's nature.

Bojan: It's in our natures, but I think people just need to relax and open up a bit. I think most people have feelings inside them, but they don't dare to express them. I mean, if I like... if I like a girl, I have no problem with that, if we look at each other, catch each other's eyes, I'll smile nicely, I don't know, if it's appropriate at the moment, I don't know, I'll wink. Or something. You know what I mean? Not winking like this, "What's up babygirl?", but in a way that is playfully flirtatious. Whatever. I think people need to realise that these things are not a crime and that someone won't hold a grudge against you if you smile at them beautifully, [or] if you initiate a small conversation, because that is just a small part of our lives and [we are just] creating some bonds, so I think showing emotion is a very important thing.

Host: But what if I linked it to, let's say, cheating? How would you feel if your partner or you flirted with others while you were in a relationship? Would you consider that cheating?

Bojan: I wouldn't consider it cheating, but it would probably bother me, so I'd want to talk about it.

Host: How would you defend your generation, to which perhaps the older generations ascribe many prejudices, looking at the way we... what kind of relationships we have, how we socialise?

Bojan: I think it is very easy for each generation to look at the younger generation and... to look down on the younger generation and judge them, because maybe things were a little different in their time. All these things are very much linked to the whole lifestyle we have. It's not just the way young people are in relationships today, or the kind of life as a couple they have, because it's all connected to our whole lifestyle and living on the internet, travelling the world at every moment and blablabla. I find that very hypocritical of them, given that they are a generation, or okay, maybe they're a bit younger than this generation, but they were nevertheless this certain generation of this free love, psychedelia, who used sex and drugs to push back on the war. So it seems to me that this particular delinquency was far from being invented by us but it dates back to ancient times. So I think for all people, who think that young people today have invented some perversions, open relationships, gayness, and so on should read a book from ancient Greece or Rome and see, that Caligula³ lived all this two thousand years ago.

Host: Just a little less hidden, I guess.

Bojan: Yes, maybe.

Host: Would you be up for a challenge? Since you said you're not a womaniser.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: I have a BuzzFeed test here.

Bojan: BuzzFeed test?

Host: Are you a fuckboy? Do you want to take it?

Bojan: Okay, let's go.

Host: Have you ever sent a "You up?" text? "Are you sleeping?"

Yes, once. I promise.

No, never.

Yeah, that's my go-to move.

Bojan: No. I don't think so, really.

Host: Have you ever cheated on someone?

Bojan: No.

Host: You said it. "Have you ever sent an unwanted picture of your "little friend"?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever sexted more than one person at the same time?

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Have you slept with two people in the same week?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever made up an excuse to leave immediately after sex?

Bojan: I think, yes.

Host: Have you ever convinced someone that you didn't need to use a condom?

Bojan: No.

Host: I would never. Okay. Have you ever posted a picture without your shirt on?

Bojan: Yes, indeed. In fact, I must have been shirtless a couple of times in the stories now, but I posted one shirtless photo two years ago.

Host: Ok.

Bojan: At sea.

Host: Yes, yes. Do you think all of your exes are "crazy bitches"?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever asked a girl to send nudes?

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Have you ever bragged about girls you've been with?

Bojan: Like openly?

Host: Yes.

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you complained about being "friendzoned"?

Bojan: Almost certainly.

Host: Ok. Have you ever sent that emoji of a monkey covering its eyes?

Bojan: No.

Host: Do you have any...

Bojan: What is this monkey's thing?

Host: I don't know, maybe... it's some fuckboy hallmark, I don't know.

Do you have any V-neck tees?

Bojan: Mhm.

Host: Do you wear them?

Bojan: My mum bought them for me, so I guess it's not really fuckboyish.

Host: Yes. Do you have any tattoos that are only visible while wearing a V-neck?

Bojan: No.

Host: Do you have any tattoos?

Bojan: No, I don't.

Host: Have you ever slid into a girl's Twitter DMs?

Bojan: I don't have Twitter.

Host: What about Instagram? We said yes.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Are you in a band? Yees.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: You see, the hallmark of fuckboys. Are you a DJ?

Bojan: No. I mean, if she wants, I can be a DJ.

Host: Could be: "No, but my friend is this like super poppin' DJ".

Bojan: Yes, it could, it's true.

Host: Oh, it doesn't work.

Bojan: Can't fix it anymore?

Host: No. What are Top-Sider⁴?

Bojan: I don't know.

Host: We'll put... oh, it's some shoes.

Bojan: Then I'm sure not, because I only wear one pair of trainers, and that's these.

Host: I don't think that's it. Have you ever introduced a girl you've been dating as your "friend"?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever randomly texted a girl you booty called more than a year ago?

Bojan: Booty called? Wait, what if I what?

Host: If you've been with a girl then, after a long time, you write her a random message.

Bojan: Almost certainly, yes.

Host: But were you genuinely interested in how her life was going or just a little bit because you saw her on Instagram?

Bojan: I think only because I saw her on Instagram.

Host: Have you ever travelled to Southeast Asia?

Bojan: No.

Host: Have you ever explained craft beer to a woman?

Bojan: Let's say yes, I think, but...

Host: Yes, but she was genuinely interested.

Bojan: Let's put down "She was genuinely interested", yes.

Host: Ok.

Bojan: Because I don't really know what craft beer is myself. But I mean... I think one of them asked me once why I was drinking it, because she found it very disgusting.

Host: Have you ever based an outfit on one of Kanye West's outfits?

Bojan: Oh, no, unfortunately.

Host: Do you own a hoodie that costs more than some people's rent?

Bojan: No. If you add up all the hoodies, they don't cost like a tenth of the rent.

Host: Have you ever ghosted someone?

Bojan: This means...

Host: That you suddenly stopped replying to them. The girls. Did you have a legitimate reason or did your phone die?

Bojan: Sure... yeah I did, but not like that, ghosting is probably for a very long time, no? To disappear completely?

Host: I don't know.

Bojan: Or just that, I don't know. To disappear completely?

Host: You disappear completely.

Bojan: No, this not.

Host: No.

Bojan: Just for a day or so, I took a creative break.

Host: Oh, good. It's not ghosting. Have you ever gone to a party with one girl and left with another?

Bojan: No. I go practically alone to parties almost always.

Host: And then home.

Bojan: Yes.

Host: Have you ever hit on a girlfriend's... one of your girlfriend's friends?

Bojan: No. Maybe after, when she was already... Not when we were together.

Host: Ok. What about one of your close friend's exes?

Bojan: That... no, homeboys, no, no, a homeboy is a true friend, I'd never do that in my life.

Host: Did you ever say you didn't have an STD and you did?

Bojan: God, no.

Host: And... You are probably a decent human being. Here's the proof. Live. Now no one can accuse you of being one... if anyone says anything to you.

Bojan: It's official! I'm not a fuckboy.

Host: Alright, that's it. Now, to finish, we have a couple of other unpopular opinions which I have chosen, and you will comment whether you agree or disagree, if you find it very stupid, or if there is any truth in it. First: people drink gin because it is fashionable.

Bojan: I think some people do enjoy gin. [But] I think it's disgusting, honestly. But I think some people find gin good.

Host: Ok, I agree too, because I find it good myself.

Bojan: Aha, ok.

Host: Star Wars is not really good.

Bojan: I'm not the right one to answer that, because I actually never watched it. I watched the old one a hundred years ago, they were pretty good.

Host: For those times. I mean, I'm not really interested, but maybe I'm...

Bojan: I've honestly never been drawn to Star Wars at all.

Host: Yes, I can understand why someone would think that. Pineapple on pizza?

Bojan: I haven't tried. But it looks and sounds disgusting to me.

Host: I've tried it, but it's not so bad. Although it's true that I ate it in America, where everything else was so bad that it wasn't so disgusting in comparison.

Bojan: Okay, fair. I think, if so many people eat it, it probably doesn't.

Host: Yes. Give it a try.

Bojan: I mean, there must be something to it.

Host: It's a bit sweet. Like in a Chinese restaurant, that sweet and sour...

Bojan: Yeah, I'm not exactly very... yeah, I don't think it would be good for me, but look, maybe, I mean, I'll give it a try sometime. I'll tell you.

Host: Please do. Here. Tinder themed. LinkedIn is a better choice for dating than Tinder.

Bojan: LinkedIn? Isn't that for business?

Host: Yes. Here someone thinks it's a better way to do things.

Bojan: I have no idea. No, I don't think so.

Host: Maybe you can find someone in your...

Bojan: Business. Yes, maybe.

Host: And the Foo Fighters are better than Nirvana.

Bojan: Never in life. They are sick, but not...

Host: They are not better.

Bojan: No.

Host: Ok. Do you have any more shoutouts to say?

Bojan: Shoutout?

Host: What would you like to highlight at the end of the podcast?

Bojan: Well, let people be aware. Maybe now really isn't the time to be very flirtatious and go into close spaces with strangers. Nothing, be healthy, love each other, and be flirtatious but with a mask, and listen to Joker Out.

Host: Smile with your eyes.

Bojan: Yes. Smile with your eyes.

Host: Bye.

Bojan: Bye bye.

¹You can watch the 'Bojan Cvjetićanin Cosmopolitan blind date' video with subtitles in English, as well as in several other languages, on our YouTube channel here.

²'Frendi in Flirt' ('Friends and Flirting') is a Slovenian website dedicated to people looking for dating and adventure who are over 18 years old, who want to meet new people to socialize and chat or find the love of their life.

³Caligula was the third Roman emperor. Known ancient historical sources have handed down an image of Caligula as a despot, emphasising his extravagance, eccentricity and depravity.

⁴Sperry or Sperry Top-Sider is an American boat shoe company.

#bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #joker out #Youtube

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brightlotusmoon · 2 months

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Working on fics like "The Brightest Fire" without expectations is pretty freeing. I liked this scene where the brothers are being brothers.

Leo gave his sensei a long look, then narrowed his eyes. “Okay, we're leaving. Mikey needs to get some food, anyway.”

“I do?” Mikey asked.

“You've been traumatized,” Leo said lightly, “you need your vitamins.” He gently nudged the brother huddle toward the doorway.

Once they were on the other side and moving to the huge couch and huge screen, Mikey sighed. “You know I could just eavesdrop with my mind, right?”

Nobody said anything until they had deposited Mikey on the couch. The new one that April gave them, with sections and angles. The fabric was plush and dark green. There were several equally plush pillows in orange, purple, red, and blue. Mikey sighed as he sank.

“Yeah, we know,” came Raph's rumble. “But let's rest yer brain for a while. Ya been through a lot.”

“We've been through worse.” Mikey was pouting.

Someone caught his chin and he found himself staring into Leonardo’s worried eyes. “That depends on how you define worse.” Leo smiled very softly.

Mikey frowned at him. “The Shredder? All the Shredders? That's worse, I would say. And Bishop! And-”

The hand covered his mouth. “Okay,” Leo said, “those were extremely bad.”

Mikey raised an eyeridge.

“And nothing.” Leo shifted to pat his head. “This is also extremely bad. Let's not create a conspiracy board in our heads.”

“Hey!” Mikey huffed. “It's an easy visual, okay?”

“That's a good point,” Donnie said, leaning around Raphael. “Making connections is important.”

Leo sighed, settling back, stretching an arm around Mikey's shoulders. “Right now, Mikey, you need to rest your brain.”

Mikey stared at him, one eye squinting. “...dude, that's not really possible. My brain bounces everywhere.”

“I mean your psychic brain,” Leo said easily. “Your powers. You're exhausted.”

“Am not,” Mikey grunted. “I did all kinds of things when I was in that trance.”

“Which still bothers me on an ethical level,” Donnie sighed.

Mikey lifted an eyeridge and lifted his arms to make a sweeping gesture. “We are mutated turtles who came from alien goo, we have to keep ourselves hidden from creepy agents of doom, and you're trying to wax poetic about ethics.”

“Whoa,” Raph chuckled. “Cheeky.”

“Well, you're not wrong,” Donnie sighed. “But please keep in mind that we still haven't talked about your initial reaction to the video.”

Mikey licked his lips, eyes roaming. “Can we talk after three episodes of Star Trek Voyager? I promise none of them are Threshold.”

“It won an award,” Donnie said, automatically, an echo of a long word play game.

“We can watch it later,” Mikey said. “Right now I want angst.”

“What, like yours?” Raph huffed.

“No,” Mikey said quickly. “Fictional.”

“Bro, we might as well be.”

“Soo,” Mikey smirked, “does that mean we're not real and we don't have to have a talk?”

“And,” Donnie said, “that makes me more decisive. We're having a talk.”

“Nooo,” Mikey groaned, burying his face in Leo's shoulder. “Can't I just say I'm fine and you'll all believe me?”

“Noooo,” Leo grinned against his forehead.

“I told you, I'm cool with it,” Mikey grumbled. “It's not like I remember much.”

“That's the worst answer ever,” Leo sighed. He bumped their heads together. “It's a non-answer.”

Mikey gave a little growl, trying to think up more distractions.

“Okay,” Donnie said, holding his hands up in a time out motion. “Mikey, stop. Sit up.”

Donnie got up to crouch right in front of Mikey. Mikey shifted more upright and reached for the remote. Donnie took it and quickly started up a Deep Space Nine episode.

“Oh, you're going right to Bashir being discovered?” Raph commented. “Bold.”

Donnie tilted his head like a bow. “Thank you, I was feeling audacious.”

Mikey stiffened. “Yeah, yeah, I get the connection. Didn't we already do this with our autisms?”

“And now we're doing it for your superpowers,” Donnie said firmly, putting his hands on Mikey's knees. “We've seen this particular episode so many times we can quote it in our sleep. You probably do. It will run in the background while we talk. That gives us around an hour. Is that acceptable?”

Mikey looked between Don and the screen. “Fine.”

“Okay,” Donnie said, squeezing Mikey's knees.

“Okay,” Mikey said.

“Okay?” Donnie leaned forward slightly. His eyes lit up a little.

Mikey smirked. “Okay!”

“Oookay, yeah,” and Leo gently shook Mikey, kicking out at Donnie. “Get to it, Brainiac.”

“Oy, that's my line,” Raph grunted.

#tmnt 2003 #tmnt fanfiction #the brothers of all time #the brightest fire #mikey tmnt 2003

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random-conspiracy · 1 year

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I'm OBSESSED this this narrative concept:

LAYERS!!!

And I'm gonna use Homestuck (and other stuff) as an example because you can't fucking stop me hashasha.

I'm not talking about layers of meaning and that, it's part of it but not the manin focus. What I'm talking about is the way a story grows from a setting derivated from another story form another setting in another story...

Why is Homestuck so fucking difficult to explain? The main plot is simple: A bunch of kids play a game and try to win. I mean, it's quite awful but THAT is the main plot. Now, it's impossible to break down this simple plot into any specific scene without killing someone i the process. Who is Davepetasprite you ask? Oh, well is a LONG story...

The first layer is the game itself. We define how if works, what is the goal, which ones are the obstacles and how it must be played. All of that is explained and detailed.

But, if you read Homestuck you understand that while Sburb is the base, no one cares about it because suddendly Sburb is not the only thing is game. Now that we have the first layer we can go up and start with the next one: What if we fucked the game?

If we were only in the first layer (Sburb) the story would be about the kids's shenanigans playing (and probably winning) the game within the riles it exists by. The main antagonist will be the Black King, reaching God Tier would be a more significant thing along with the Citizen's choice, etc. That would be ALL.

But now that we have decided to fuck arounf, we'll find ourselves out in a new layer. Now the story is about how we scape from the rules that the game throw over us. We can see this specially when Grimdark Rose Lalonde discovers that their session is destined to fail. Now the antagonist is not the Black King anymore. Is the game itself.

And we can go above another layer: The trolls. Now you know how Sburb works and you undertand that there is something beyond the game itself. And here is that the trolls make their presence. Your game is just part of a bigger trouble, a snow ball started billions of years ago from an alien race that you don't even undertand completely. And guess what, their Empress is coming for your ass. Another fucking layer! Beyond the game, beyond the Medium, beyond your universe is another universe.

And if you thought I was forgetting about Lord English, here comes the cherry on top of this layered ice cream (can ice creams have layers?). The Status Quo of Earth A is our first layer and above if grows Sburb, the second layer. Over the game grows another layer, the Universes, and over it, Lord English. The forth layer. You can't have one without the previous one. We can only understand what is the place of Lord English in all of this if we understand how itgrows from the begining. Every layer adds another goals, antagonists and meaning at the story. It creates a new brach of the narrative.

From starting a game with your friends, to prevent the end of the world, to fight against the Black King and Queen, to hide from Bec Noir, to fight with the Condesce to face Lord English to create a new universe.

Now, changing the subject, we can apply the same analisis to another piece: The Stanley Parable.

The game have a very straightforward goal: Don't go away from the narrative. The Narrator is the presence that makes us this imposition. Follow his instructions, turn off the Mind Control Machine and be free. That is the second layer. The second layer? Yes! Because the introduction is the fisrt layer and is based in this one that the Alpha Narrtive makes sense.

But what happens if we decide to make things different. We go into the realms of the Third Layer. A story about a story about a story. Like the Confusion Ending and our first encounter with the Yellow Line™. It™ spoils us a glipse from the Alpha Narrative, turning the Narrator angry and devastated. In order to break the narrative, we'll need first a narrative to break. That's the core of all of this analysis. Now that we are in the Third Layer we have a new narrative to break! And that's what happens in the Ultra Deluxe edition, when the Narrator makes references to this and other endings. Say hello to Forth Layer! A story about a story about a story about a story.

#Homestuck #the stanley parable #random-conspiracy

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grem-archive · 2 years

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So I don't know if you'd have the time to read a specific text or not, but with the isolationism post going around now it seems like this is the most relevant time to ask? If you can't rn that's fine, I'm just curious to hear other people's thoughts on it, especially people who know more about American history than I do, because I studied Japanese history in college, and obviously compared to the isolation of Tokugawa Japan, America has never really come close to anything like that so I might be biased

Anyway, the essay I'm talking about is The Myth of American Isolationism by Bear Braumoeller, the pdf is available for free from Harvard (or it was when I checked earlier today). Nothing on his website gave me the impression he's crazy biased or super nationalistic and therefore unreliable, but I'll admit I didn't read any of his other work or anything to check

I guess what Braumoeller says just makes a lot of sense to me? I went through public school in America and had never even heard that we sent people to represent us at League of Nations meetings, especially not after we decided not to join, until I read this essay. I just remember being told we tried to cut ourselves off as much and as often as possible, but the foreign policy of the US in the 20s and 30s that Braumoeller points to and what I know of our foreign policy after that makes me feel like the US has never actually been as extreme about isolation as people make it sound?

Idk, I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts about his claims who have better knowledge of American history than I do, cause obviously my public high school didn't bother telling me that many details, and I know you gotta be careful reading about history from individual authors cause so many of them have a specific narrative they want to spin

Sorry this was so long

Apologies in advance for the length of this answer & if it's disjointed/repetitive. I've been really tired lately, but I hope it's still insightful. Take the following with a grain of salt yet an open mind.

Also to anyone with a better understanding of American foreign affairs and policy, I implore you to add to this post. Your knowledge would be greatly appreciated.

Alrighty, so I've been sitting on this one for a while. Mostly for the fact that foreign policy and international affairs are not what I study, even though often it's hand-in-hand with history. My primary study is also more geared toward archaeological conservation, field methods, and museum curation. I had to consult a friend for this who is more interested in this type of question. I would also say there are people within the fandom with a much better understanding of this than I do, and I would greatly appreciate their input on this.

It also took me a while to read the paper, which I could thankfully get through my university. No one's fault but mine. I'm easily unfocused.

I would personally argue that the United States has never been truly isolationist. Sure, we've had periods of fluctuating isolationist sentiment - something that Braumoeller even points out - but as he also rightly points out that this is relative, saying 'American isolationism' is most often challenged by the historian sect, "who tend to define isolationism by security policy," when it could be an ideology in more than one sphere of policy. It's not a cut-and-dry definition. One section of policy could ring with an isolationist leaning (no military action), but then a country stays involved in another manner (economic). One facet of public opinion could sound isolationist ("I want the US to mind its own business."), while another shows we'd rather stay involved ("But I don't want us to stop having an influence.").

In fact, I very much enjoy how Braumoeller phrases the American ability of the 1920s on the third page of the PDF: "...thanks to America's overwhelming strength, it could rely on banks rather than tanks:". Our security was economic rather than militaristic, in simpler terms. He goes on later in the paper to demonstrate how this strategy was used on more than one occasion. So, I would describe this behavior of the first half of the 20th century as non-intervention rather than isolationism.

Never have we cut our ties with the rest of the world completely nor necessarily tried to keep the world away, not even during periods often seen as isolationist. To look at a period of American history that I'm slightly more familiar with, we will use the Revolution and its aftermath as an example. I've seen it said by a fellow student that "post-colonial" America was in a state of isolation. This is untrue. Once again, this is a better described by non-intervention.

Let's look at the Barbary captives, three American merchant ships captured by "pirates" off the North African coast in 1784-1785. The Kingdom of Morocco became the first country to recognize US independence in 1777, reaching contact with us in 1778 via Ambassador Benjamin Franklin, staying in France. Sultan Mohammed ben Abdallah also secured for the Americans security of trade, saying any ship flying the American flag might be welcomed in their ports. A later treaty, the Treaty of Friendship, was signed in 1786, then ratified in 1787, both as a promise between the two states and to afford further protection to American merchants. Of course, it wasn't foolproof, as American ships were still at risk of capture by non-participant states, but this showed an American desire to still be involved with the world. This also showed a world open to this brand-new country seeking entry. The Treaty of Friendship was our first treaty with a non-European power.

Past that, we still desired to trade with other (colonial) powers, such as selling to Saint Domingue (Haiti), which only ended with the start of the Haitian Revolution in 1791. 1784 also sees the beginnings of ties with China as an independent state, with the merchant ship Empress of China returning to Massachusetts shores after a 15-month voyage. Our influx of imports and news from Britain even rose back to comparable pre-Revolution levels by the mid-1780s, especially as British merchants began to demand American customers pay their debts. I realize I'm citing trade, but trade can be political and also is a form of economic involvement.

We often quote George Washington as warning us to stay out of European affairs; yes, this is true that he warned against this. But I would look at his words from the angle of not becoming militarily involved. Looking for more companionable relations rather than flirting with gunpowder and bayonets, or even inserting ourselves politically in many ways. America still very much entertained ties to the rest of the world after the Revolution and into the next century, but we did very little to be physically involved in their sphere.

I realize I've sort of sidetracked the question, but this was the best way I could figure to answer it. So, to compare US "isolationism" to the hard isolation of Tokugawa Japan would be incorrect; the brand of "isolationism" we tend to hear about here wouldn't even be close, in my opinion. We wanted to be left alone but did not want to give up on having an influence if that makes sense. Hell, there were times when we flirted with being involved, but didn't actually do so until later or until prompted by some interest. A necessitated carrot-on-a-stick type nation, I suppose.

Also man...I guess maybe my school was the odd one out in teaching that we still sent delegates to League discussions despite not formally being a part of it. You are not the first person I've heard say this.

#callsign gremlin checking in #not hetalia #once again i am sorry for how long this is #i was hoping it would be shorter #even typing this i still wasn't sure how to answer this question #my understanding of this section of american history is murky and biased by a crafted education system #i do recommend this paper to anyone interested however #and once again i ask for smarter folks to add to this #gods know i ain't the smartest #i feel too tired to clean this but please enjoy

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sysshitig · 2 months

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no dni just stances

-while I am not against dnis (helps me prepare for the blog ahead) I think we should all acknowledge that they need more elaboration, because putting a discourse stance next to "dni racists" can come off as saying they're on the same level esp if you're just saying dni because it makes you uncomfortable (I know they aren't but do you?) which is why I have a stances instead of dni.

-don't know what pro recovery or anti recovery means but I do believe when it comes to someone elses mental health issues all we can do is take their words for it especially online when you don't know them that well, and I do believe you can find joy in your mental health issues. It's at the end of the day up the to the person suffering from it and their therapist to decide how it's handled end of story. If you don't want to "encourage a delusion" than just block them. They know how it affects them best, you are a stranger on the internet.

-Pro Endo and not willing to engage in syscourse (on this blog at least) because it's just petty at this point. If I want to talk about the syspunk tag or whatever we're arguing over now I'll bring it up first. (We're ok with anti endos interacting but if you start shit you'll get blocked, end of story)

-I believe that everyone is allowed to make jokes about their mental health (if the joke isn't going to make it worse) shit like "adhd moment" and "haha autism" isn't going to hurt anyone but people who are not adhd or autistic making fun of adhd and autism is. Joking about it can help ease the pain of it all and clapping back with "just wait till you've suffered like I have" isn't helping? Yes they are suffering that's why they're making these jokes. To cope with their suffering.

-I don't believe the media you consume defines you just how you consume it.

-queer discourse is weird, chat we're all supposed to be in this together right? Because together ape strong right chat??? RIGHT??? (for clarification: straight Alloaces Ily, straight Aroallos Ily, lesboys ily, I don't think anyone outside of internet spaces cares that much nor will this hurt anyone)

-I consider myself Alterhuman and I am an alterhuman friendly space

additional

-please ask me to trigger tag I'm not good at it but I can try

-blog may contain unreality and etc proceed with caution.

-I use tone tags and don't see the harm in them but will prefer to use stuff like this: (serious) (joking) around strangers, cause I can understand how they can be confusing and having to learn them can be a chore, but the concept is overall good and if you're against the concept in general I can't help you.

-I believe in a free palestine and will try and reblog fundraisers and such, please correct me if I get anything wrong.

-We consider ourselves a system and you have no right to know if we have trauma or not as a stranger on the internet end of story.

SYSMATES SIDEBLOGS

-main blog: @notarobotsadly

-Willaim: @scottjustletmedie

-Sun: @mikumikuyoucancallm3miku

-Malhare: @malharevrthepcport

-Jevil: @thedungeonv2

all of them are under construction btw.

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tea-with-evan-and-me · 10 months

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Admin my dear I hope you’re doing well, I just need an opinion of yours i have no one else to talk to about this better than you. I’ve been reading your blog a long time now and I really love the blog vibe not just because it’s about Evan, but also because we can here share whatever we want without judgements. Well I’ve seen sometime ago someone asked you how you come to a conclusion about you sexuality as a Lesbian, and you said it was first when you realized that you’ve loved your best friend in a different kind of way, so I kinda have the same situation. Typically I don’t know if i am bisexual but not a lesbian, maybe a bi, and I think I have something towards my best friend, I don’t know if it’s just mixed feelings or phase. Tried to figure it out but I don’t know what is it. She is so beautiful and kind and treating me so with love and kindness like I have never been loved before, especially my last relationship with my ex was a terrible experience and thought myself I’m hard to be loved or smthn is wrong with me but no. The way she treats me is different just like how I am supposed to be treated. When we have sleepovers I feel so much affection and physical attraction towards her I don’t know if she shares the same feelings but she’s hiding them. I tried to dig into this with her but she denied being bisexual or being attracted to women but I understand. Now I am lost if it’s just a phase or what because I doubt she knows smthn that I have some feeling for her but indirectly asked. Is it fear of society reaction or just denial? Confused

hello anon, i'm sorry to hear you're having a struggle with this. i appreciate you opening up and sharing your confusion.. honestly speaking, just know that it is normal. sexuality can be a very fluid and confusing thing for many of us. sometimes, people go their whole lives believing they are one thing, only to meet someone and find out they are not as rigid as they believed. for me, it was more than that; i was in denial about the reasons why i didn't emotionally or sexually connect with men. finally feeling love and attraction, is how i knew i was a lesbian. that doesn't mean that your experience will be the same. you may find that the feelings you have now aren't replicated for another woman; only time will tell. i think the best thing you can do now is maintain an open mind and be open to the possibility of loving anyone who makes you feel this way, who treats you kind and with affection. i don't think we need to worry and stress ourselves over labels and defining our sexuality. when it becomes a burden, you should do your best to let that go and instead, when you must, deal with any of the internal/external factors.. like, how do you deal with others who may not accept if you fall in love with a woman, how do you free yourself from feeling like you NEED to explain and define yourself for OTHERS.. and just live and exist in a way that feels right for you. as for your friend, it's hard to know because maybe she herself is fearful or confused - maybe over time, more will be revealed, but you can't force it.

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storiesaboutrachelcarolann · 2 years

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One of the multiple things that each one of us set out to achive every day is to grasp a sense of freedom. We are free, but why can't we see it? Why can't we just feel it or think it? The solution has been weighing heavily on my mind.

As a child we're truly free. Before life takes over that is. Challenging times often occur throughout our life and that tends to change our perception on a lot of things. We often forget in our abilities as a divine being who takes residence here on earth. How can that in general help us hold on to that child like wonder that has seemed to be lost from the years past? Your answer will be different than mine of course. We each hold the answer inside of ourselves I know that for sure.

Often our emotions and our mentality somehow get all twisted and tangled up into a big ball that can feel like a web of chains are surrounding us holding all of us hostage.

Freedom is defined as "the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants to without hindrance or restraint."

We all search for answers that we most desperately need or want, day in and day out. Often after multiple attempts of thinking or feeling that we've failed we throw in the towel before anything could ever manifest into reality. Therefore, we end up staying in situations or circumstances that aren't suiting us anymore. Perhaps these situations never really did suit you or different parts of our internal dialogue were closed off as soon as the towel was thrown in. This makes it ten times more difficult to alter or reopen our abilities, to picture something different or better for our lives. We end up just sitting still in our feelings and we keep quiet because our voice seems to no longer work as it should. The progress is at a halt.

I love the saying, "in order to find, you must seek". There is much truth to that! A whole lot actually. Seeking is our freedom in my mind. We have the right to seek, it doesn't always involve communication or adding someone into the picture. It can be done internally by realigning ourselves so we have the ability to evolve and become closer to God/ Spirit, which allows for us to get "downloads" and "sacred information." The freedom to do so in itself is so valuable, it's extremely important when searching for freedom on the inside and the outside of your own self.

Starting now in the year 2023, which is the 7th year in Numerology, should be seen as an opportunity to cultivate fullness, completeness, perfection, peace, and harmony. We should be focusing on bringing in unconditional love and not only using it for ourselves but for the ones that mean the world to us. We also need to be using it to help "the collective" as a whole. As we take the steps forward towards focusing on what is needed then peace and harmony will make its grand entrance for all, all in due time. Remember to focus on one thing at a time so you don't become overwhelmed or feel overburdened by the load.

Finding a way forward will become easier after you're willing to face the aftermath of the wreckages that have brought you to this point of having no other choice but to keep going in whatever way God or Spirit is telling you to go. We're all being split right down the center of our core being right now, don't be scared you asked for help from the divine. "This time the outcome will be different" God/ Spirit plainly says.

Once we've taken the direction asked of us by Source we'll be able to finally choose which way we want to go. The road will be open and clearer for us. We will be able to speak or express ourselves, we'll be able to think more in alignment and join the pieces together easily. The way it should have been all along, but we got lost along the way didn't we?

The process of being, to rebuild ourselves, is never an easy journey, but it's worth it. Never be in a hurry. Racing through something such as finding freedom within or externally only prolongs the process of evolving. To have the ability to see everything in a brand new light while rebuilding yourself as you are supposed to be is truly beautiful. Enjoy the process.

Rachel Smith

The Coastline Intuitive

The Empress ✨️

#freedom #self love #god #evolution #journey

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electricalwasblog · 2 years

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We only choose to work with trusted commercial electricians in Perth, ensuring you get a service that is best for your business. We have taken great lengths to find our partners and make sure they know how to bring out the best results in your business. As a large commercial electrical contractor in Perth, we ensure we offer all our clients competitive pricing, as well as value for money. We offer prompt response times from some of Western Australia’s top electricity technicians, no matter what part of town you are based in. Whether it is an emergency or just a routine checkup on your existing wiring, rest assured you will be seeing one of our Commercial Electrical Services in Perth.

#Commercial Electrician In Perth

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agirldying · 2 years

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hello! kind of venting i guess? feel free to reply tho it's kind of mumbling

should i just stop thinking about trauma at all? i'm doing better than ever and better than anyone i know who dealt with trauma but i can't help wanting it to define me in some way. and it feels wrong or selfish, like i'm romanticizing it. and i hate the way it is for me, i feel like no one deals with trauma the way i do. i'm just heavily detached and i remember what happened as facts rather than events. like yeah he did this and that to me but it's like i wasn't there. and even when i'm okay sometimes i want a false excuse to act like i'm struggling, because somehow it makes people 'special' to struggle (i know it doesn't but the thought just kind of lingers). even writing that i know i could just stop but i act stubborn about it. sometimes i think it's just boredom? when i'm bored i feel like diving into trauma. and just now i spent a good hour reading your asks about csa and i don't struggle the way people do but i did at some point and it's weird to know that time is gone. like i numbed myself over time by exposing myself to such strong feelings and they just faded inexplicably.

Hi anon,

It's possible to healthily acknowledge the ways in which trauma has impacted or changed you, and so to a degree I think it's okay to feel that your trauma defines you (I certainly feel that way). But it's also important to remind yourself that your trauma is not all you are. Yes it may impact or explain a lot of things about you, but you are also a complex human being with facets independent of your trauma.

I don't think it's necessarily fair to you or what you've been through to "stop thinking about trauma at all". In recovery, it's not really about forgetting or avoiding it, it's about learning to engage with it in a healthy way. In the Babadook, it ends with the monster residing in the basement, instead of occupying the whole house (the mind). The mother goes and feeds it a bucket of worms, and when the Babadook screams at her, she goes to scream back but takes a breath and calms it down, then slowly walks away. I think it's a great analogy for managing PTSD - what happened doesn't necessarily "go away" but there are ways to cope with it and live on.

Every trauma survivor handles their trauma in their own way, but at the same time please know you're not alone. I can strongly relate to the emotional detachment from your trauma, and recounting it matter-of-factly. From my understanding, I feel like we almost repress our emotions because they're a large part of what makes the trauma so unbearably painful. But, like my therapist tells me, your emotions are part of your story, they're part of the truth. I know some people will say things like "facts don't care about your feelings" as if they're two completely separate things, but in reality, how you felt during your trauma and how you feel about your trauma are facts themselves. Saying "I am sad" is a fact, for example. So I think it's worth exploring how to bring those two concepts together.

But I also want to say that there are good reasons why our brains repress things. Usually repression is a defense mechanism, much like an airbag, to protect ourselves from damage. So I think it's also crucial to take your time in working through your emotions (or lack thereof), and not force yourself to feel. While being in touch with your emotions can mean that you have the ability to experience painful emotions such as anger or sadness, it's worth the joy you can experience too. You deserve to be able to express your emotions, in whatever way they come.

I understand what you're saying about wanting to be seen as struggling. I think a part of that is sometimes just wanting to be adequately acknowledged as a trauma survivor, because when we're in a recovered state, you start to lose touch with that identity. And while it's good in a way, you also lose something too.

I also totally understand consuming potentially triggering content seemingly out of boredom. At least in my experience, I acknowledge this as a kind of self-harm behavior, because in my case I feel like I do it to try to feel something, as depressing as it sounds. I know it's easier said than done, but it might be good to limit how much triggering content you consume, for your own mental health and recovery. If you are to do so, just take baby steps and allow yourself to shift gears if it starts to bother you. Just remember that you don't deserve to be triggered, and you do deserve to exercise healthy coping mechanisms as you recover.

I hope I could help. Please feel free to comment on any of this, and otherwise just know that I'm here for you if you want to talk about anything.

#text #asks #trauma #vent #trauma vent #ptsd #ptsd recovery #trauma recovery

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pneapple · 2 years

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#personal #it really bothers me how a lot of t*r/f/s talk about womanhood like it's the worst thing ever #like it's nothing but being a baby maker and victim #and they ask 'how are we going to free ourselves if we can't define ourselves like this anymore?'#'women are so dainty and fragile and always at risk'#as if trans people aren't also vulnerable? as if women can't victimize each other? as if maybe womanhood isn't only about misery?#believing that womanhood is only about what men will do to you means that you've already given up #violence and misogyny are real but throwing trans people under the bus won't stop either of those things #in fact it reinforces both #it's hard to enjoy womanhood when all these adult women are telling me (a younger girl) that pain & violence are all that there is #oh and childbirth! great. thanks.

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systematic-advice · 3 years

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Im just ranting so feel free to ignore this, but like... we struggle a lot with doubt, as kind of to be expected? Honestly we don't look at a lot of system content tm online because we tend to compare our experiences a lot, and if we don't relate to some arbitrary post about switching etc we, but especially the host, will immediately doubt if we "truly are a system" and this is just so tiring. Especially when over the years you see so much contradicting information, usually along the lines of "x way of experiencing this is the norm for systems", which isn't even like invalidating those that fall outside of that norm, but for some reason we can't stop this stupid comparing. We would never think someone else isnt a system because their symptoms differ from ours or the "normal" / most common symptoms but ugh... I've seen people state alters who have very strong separate senses of identity are the norm, and then a few years later ill stumble over a post that's like "actually, its normal for alters to not want to see themselves as very separate of the host etc" and no one ever has sources and looking for them leads to reddit 90% of the time and yea i just feel very very weird and frustrated.

Like not to open that can of worms but I once spent an entire afternoon looking for in depth descriptions of the differences between OSDD1a and b only to discover that (to our knowledge), the DSM and ICD never defined these as separate, clear cut diagnoses and they rather were examples given on how OSDD might present differently from DID, but someone interpreted them as clear cut definitions of OSDD types and a few years later here we are??? I have never seen that brought up anywhere and im so tired of looking for sources on things everyone repeats n copy pastes around..... its just so exhausting to deal with that when you just want to understand your own brain better but nearly everything you look up online needs to be fact checked for 5+ hours and/or makes us spiral into doubt.

(We can't like, simply talk over these things with a therapist bc despite having insurance and all, we live in a small European country with maybe handful of professionals actually educated on the topic, who are all in cities a few hours away and we struggle with mobility limiting disability on top of cptsd that makes leaving the house impossible on many days (and being autistic and unable to do video call consultations either. Basically we are stuck without a proper therapist until we save up enough to move to a bigger city closer by to said professionals... so the internet is like all we got, but yea its just. Kinda awful all around)

Hello there Anon!

First, you're right! Believing you might not actually be a System is very normal. I'm still sorry to know you're going through it, but it's a normal part of Systemhood. As are many other things!

I think it's 'very' important to remember that the experiences of others don't invalidate your experiences. Systems are ALL different, because brains are all different. While there are defining features to DID/OSDD, there is little research to set those criteria in stone. We are still learning what life is like for Systems, because a lot of us have only recently found a voice. What you're going through is valid, even if it isn't the same as someone else and their System. Especially in the sense of Alter identity. Some Systems have Alters who would rather be perceived as the body. Some Systems, like ourselves, are staunchly individual. It all depends on the person.

I am sorry to know you're having such a hard time finding credible information. I fully get the frustration as someone who spends a lot of time researching for these asks. It can be nearly impossible to drum up answers because so little information is currently available. There are only a hand full of credible sources to begin with and not everything is publicly accessible. As I have said before, there seems to be a lot of Gatekeeping in the mental Health field. A fact which I truly find unfortunate and when I finish my education I plan to do my best to change that.

In terms of what you said about the definition of OSDD, I do know I read a very credible post about that exact thing a few months ago. It was done by @justanothersyscourse and it can be found here: POST It's filled with sources and does a very good job of explaining the two labels.

I hope you're able to arrive at a point where you don't feel like you need to compare yourself to others. You're an individual and what you go through is unlikely to ever fully line up with what others experience. It's the unfortunate part of the Human Condition, but it doesn't make what you're going through any less impactful or real.

Good luck in sorting it all out Anon.

[ID: A banner depicting the Greek letter psi, the symbol commonly associated with therapists, crossed out with a large red circle. The text reads “The Auncles are NOT Psychologists/ Psychiatrists/ Medical Professionals. Our posts are not diagnostic or medical advice!”]

#🦇 :: on leather wings #an agony uncle speaks #they asked #did #osdd #did system #osdd system #actually did #actually plural #anti endo #anti tulpa #system #systems #dissociative identity disorder #otherwise specified dissociative disorder

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wearequeer-andwearehere · 3 years

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so i saw your dysphoria post but the one thing i don't get is why people, such as yourself (not an attack!), define physical dysphoria as discomfort you feel with your body when it clashes with your gender identity. why can't it just be discomfort with your body because of its sex? asking because i don't wanna have a gender identity, like not in an "i'm nonbinary or agender" sort of way, i just think the social construct of gender is silly and just go by my sex, and i wear/act/feel however i want. it's more practical and less stressful imho. i do however feel discomfort with my sex characteristics. like i accept my reality, but i still want to be the opposite sex. i just don't want to identify as trans, nonbinary nor cis, i just don't care for that, it (gender) is just a bunch of stereotypes to me, so why isn't there a simpler definition of physical dysphoria? why is there an assumption everyone is subscribed to the concepts and rules of gender and gender identity? :/

Hi there!

See, physical gender dysphoria which caused discomfort/distress with your sex specifically because of gender identity. Like people can feel uncomfy with their sex for many reasons, but gender dysphoria is discomfort with your sex specifically because of gender, that’s why it’s defined that way.

Hmm “opposite” sex Isn’t A Thing really, like male and female are not opposites.

.....Yknow, if you’ve wanted to be the opposite sex, you can like, be that, right? Like you can Literally just be like “I’m a girl/guy” and bam you’re that gender! No HRT or surgery you can literally just be whatever gender you want to be.

If you don’t want to identify as trans, nonbinary, or cis, good for you, that’s awesome! /gen. Some of us do, though.

See, gender is...not stereotypes. Gender isn’t defined by hobbies or the clothes you like or how you behave, it is what you honestly identify as and it is an internal sense—see, gender dysphoria proves that!

I’m a trans guy. When people call me a girl, I feel the same discomfort that dysphoria is defined by—clash with how I am perceived and my actual identity.

I dress pretty masculine, I’m pretty shy. I don’t really like sports or other “manly” things. I don’t really fit toxic masculinity, I’m pretty emotional and love my friends.

I still know, I’m a guy. Because I just know, the same way my trans and nonbinary siblings know.

Gender isn’t stereotypes—trans people are who they are because of their gender, cis people are cis because of their gender. Girls and boys and nonbinary people can dress however they like and behave however they like and have whatever hobbies they like, they aren’t their gender because of stereotypes, they are their gender because they know.

Gender dysphoria is because of clash with gender identity and physical sex. You yourself are saying, you experience discomfort with your physical sex but it’s not because of gender, right?

Then you do not get to define gender dysphoria. Full stop.

Trans/nonbinary people are the ones who experience dysphoria because of clash with gender and sex, it is our lived experience, it is not simple and it is complicated and it is ours to define.

The assumption is there because gender is how people are oppressed and it is how oppression takes place in the real world and how that oppression can be discussed.

Women, trans and cis, are oppressed by misogyny. Because of their gender, because they are women. Trans people a face discrimination for breaking the very rules of gender by being ourselves, this is because we are trans, because of our gender. Gnc people face hatred because they aren’t behaving the way their gender is “supposed” to behave, because they are breaking the “rules” of gender.

And without labelling the genders of people, there is no way to discuss this oppression. And a lot of this assumption is due to a cisnormative society.

I hope I could explain it, feel free to ask any further questions you have!

#ask #anon

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samsm2mstories · 5 years

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Vore events!

Trevor and Skye (vore story)

For @vore4life and @texanstrong

Today is the day that I get to meet up with two Americans that want to be eaten or vored as some of you might say. Once a year predators and preys meet up at a secret location (changes locations every year due to hiding from the enforcement teams) and this year being British I've decided to travel over to experience this event.

I heard from my American friends that you rarely meet a British Predator so being invited by the event organizers, I accepted their warm invitation and the free travel!! What a trip this is going to be!

You see Trevor and Skye are two friends I've met through Tumblr. Both guys are amazing in their own ways. Trevor is an active Marine based in his home state 'Texas' who has a very muscular body along with his handsome face. Trevor is very sociable due to his job and he is a predator himself but he doesn't know that I am planning to vore him. I want to gain muscles very quickly and there is no better tastier option than voring an active Marine in his prime years. Prime Beef ready to be eaten!!

Then you got this cute twink called 'Skye' he is very mysterious and very shy. I have seen one photo of him and he sure is a very cute twink. From what he has described to me that he has these amazing amber eyes and very tight arse. With him being mysterious, I can't wait to vore him and add him as extra muscle to the muscles I would have gained from Trevor. Same time I hoping to gain his amber eyes during the process so it will define me as the alpha predator at this event. I do wonder how Skye will taste considering he's a bloody gorgeous twink that soon will be only muscle on my body!

Going on from there, you now know that Trevor and Skye were complete opposites to build wise but both have the same fate when they meet me. Trevor thinking he will walk away from this with only being vored and spat out afterward with Skye inside him.

Sorry guys, I have different plans for both of you. Luckily Trevor doesn't have to travel far compared to the distance that Skye has. This comes at a huge advantage for myself as I planning to eat Trevor first and gain his muscles and fully digest him before Skye comes so he doesn't have any idea that his time will be up next. Skye will see my defined muscles and will fall into my arms, I know he loves a well-muscled guy.

Right now I'm at the hotel which I am staying near the location of the event. Trevor will be here any minute now and I must get to work straight away as Skye will arrive a few hours later. I just hope Trevor turns up in his uniform so I can wear it at the event. No one will notice that this is an actual real Marines uniform while we know it is. A small reminder of how a real predator works. Fool the prey into their space and swallow them up! I vored enough people back home and each one has a very distinctive taste. Sometimes it can taste like the last meal they had or the shower gel they used. For Skye, I will lure him into the shower for quick fucking while I rub the cocoa butter over him to make him taste like sweet chocolate! Damn this going to be amazing turning up at the event as an Alpha predator ready to eat every prey that comes up to me!

**I hear a knock at my door**

This was it, Trevor finally arrived for his ending, I tidied myself up and answered the door. I saw my first meal of the day standing there in his Marines uniform looking proud of serving his country. I must say Trevor is one handsome Marine with all that prime beef muscles on him. I let him in and like anyone else we introduced ourselves and we had quite a laugh about transformations and vore. We were still amazed that vore was actually a real-life thing.

The thing I learned about Trevor that he was self-conscious about his appearance and asked if he could use the shower! I was thinking 'YES YES YESSS' in my head and I said yeah. He took his uniform off like I saw him many times before which must be a normal thing in the Marines when they share bunk beds and rooms together.

The smell that came from Trevor's sweat got me turned on as he just traveled all the way from Texas in that uniform. I now can see his tanned six-pack that is really tight and his huge biceps. Damn Trevor is so GOOD in every way. He left everything neat on the neat and was only standing in his boxers as he head into the shower. I went over to his uniform and gave it a sniff. My boner only got bigger knowing I will be wearing this soon to fool Skye and the preys at the event.

Trevor stepped over of the shower still trying to find that towel and this was it! The moment!

You see Trevor didn't know that the locking mechanism in the door didn't work completely and I took a peek through the door and I just saw his cock. It was fucking huge, 9-10inches and thick as hell. No wonder why twinks were drolling over Trevor. I watched Trevor wash his Marines body seeing his fingers going over his abs slowly making sure he covered every part. I must admit Trevor's arse wasn't that bad also but what you see on the front was every prey dream of having swallowed them up. Trevor didn't realize that the shower gel was for Skye but Trevor tasting like cacao butter is going to be so fucking delicious!

I opened the door up and offered him a towel, he thought it was weird how I knew he was looking for it and made a joke about me watching him. When he bent over to pick the towel up. I opened my mouth and swallowed his head in one clean go! He went into a state of panic as his head was in my mouth and we both fell on the floor awkwardly, I was tasting that sweet gel in his hair and he was screaming and soaking in my air from my lungs. When we fell I was laying on my back and Trevor was the same as I was touching up his chest. His muscles are so damn hard as more of him was being swallowed. I could hear him cursing and panicking as he must have worked out that I was wanting to eat Skye instead of him. Trevor was trying to hold of something to pull his head and neck out but it only failed as I started to pump his cock which stopped him temporarily. His cock felt amazing as Trevor couldn't decide what he wanted. Somehow I started to swallow his upper chest which I tasted his abs one by one with my tongue. You could not get anything more prime than this!!

I felt him accepted his fate as I swallowed his arms in and those biceps were huge!! Now I'm reaching his lower body. His cock, testicles, and legs were next. Inside Trevor was hanging above my stomach which was his final place. He knew soon that I will digest him then have his meal aka Skye which was mine now!

I didn't care as I will walk away as stud after this! I continued swallowing Trevor in as now his hairs covering his cock as in my mouth. I could taste a mixture of his sweat and cocoa which was sending my cock wild! Then came his cock which I pulled the skin back to taste and feel those veins on it. It went hard instantly as I enjoyed swallowing that slowly.

I couldn't take much longer as I was so eager to finish this meal so I swallowed in his legs and feet quickly. Inside my stomach, Trevor fell into my acid and knew this was it. My acid started to do its job and was breaking up Trevor quickly. I was laying here with a huge belly where Trevor was but it was getting smaller by the minute. I was in a complete pleasure feeling him being digested as my body changes!

I felt a jolt run through my body as new muscles were pushing out on my chest! I saw my newly hard-earned abs pushing out one by one as my body skin was starting to tan! I was squirming all over the floor feeling my body changing into a Marines build. My arms were growing bigger as the biceps got harder and harder! New memories rushed into my mind as I knew now Trevor was gone forever.

Suddenly I felt a massive pleasure hit my cock as I was moaning in bliss as my 7inch cock was growing into a good 11inch and getting thicker. My testicles grew much bigger as Trevor's thick cum was mixing in with mine!!

The process was completed. I got up looking at my new body in the mirror. I was sweating like mad as I saw now that I'm an Alpha predator now! I now got the muscles, cock, uniform to lure in every horny twink prey going starting with Skye first! I knew to eat Trevor was going to make me hungry so Skye was going to be that meal and extra muscle gain before the main event starts. I was so muscular now thanks to Trevor. I was seeing his memories and saw his dirty thoughts about enjoying Skye but that was mine now as I was smirking away in the mirror seeing my tight six-pack. I gave my new cock a pump and it felt so much more powerful and strong. The testosterone levels were sending me crazy but I managed to edge myself waiting for Skye. I went into the room and put on my Marines uniform even I not in them. It felt amazing wearing this outfit knowing I standing in Trevor's boots now. Everything he was is part of me now. I jumped on the bed and was checking out my new phone. I was teasing Skye through snapchat with him not knowing any difference. He was sending me so horny pictures back thinking I was Trevor but soon he will find out that he's joining Trevor!

Skye is next!!

I went out to the bar and had a few drinks to chill me out and I already noticed that a few guys were checking me out considering I wearing Trevor’s uniform for my own advantage. These guys were lucky as I was only wanting to have one more meal before heading out to the event later on tonight. I did sit there and two of the guys were also Predators like myself but they were in awe that I am already more Alpha than both of them. I heard these events do happen all over the globe but this one is meant to be extra special due to the number of prey that wants to meet their fate from a predator.

I knew the time was getting near and as I walked towards the reception area, I saw this beautiful twink standing there. I knew it was him Skye has arrived so I managed to walk past him towards the bedroom knowing soon that twink will be digested and used as extra muscle gains for my already Alpha body. I waited in the room as I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and there he was, the most amazing twink I've ever seen in person. His eyes were what he said, a mixture of green and brown giving off an autumn amber shade. He was fairly short and a very smart hairstyle you would expect for someone that wanted to prove their worth to a man that they want to serve. Skye looked at me and introduced himself and he saw I was wearing Trevor’s uniform but I joked it off as said I was roleplaying with him earlier and he went out to grab some lunch. Skye easily believed this and walked in. He sure did eye me up as he wasn’t expecting me to be muscled like this. I gave him a huge hint that Trevor was gone for a while and we should have some fun, he grinned and smirked knowing this was a good warm-up session until Trevor came back. We instantly hit off by me pushing my hands up his top feeling that extra smooth lean chest which was just pure soft sin and not a single hair in sight. I knew from experience that if I was to twist a twink’s nipple it will send them off into a frenzy that sent Skye crazy hearing his cute moans as I messed around with him. I took my top off and he was already feeling my abs nothing knowing it was Trevor’s and I pushed us towards the bed as we both stripped naked and started making out on the bed. I wanted to give him a good time so I turned him around and started to enjoy his tight arse. I was slapping it and suddenly pull it apart to push my face into his butthole to give it the best possible licking he would have received. I could tell Skype was a virgin considering how tight this hole was, I spat on my finger and pushed it in to give it a feel and god didn’t Skype moan so much in pleasure from this. I continued it for a few minutes by adding more fingers in to make sure my new alpha cock would slide in.

After giving him the best possible foreplay, I decided to insert my cock and start fucking him real hard. I had him on the bed moaning like a total bitch wanting me to dig deeper and deeper which I did just to listen to him go into pure bliss. Damn Skye would be the perfect boyfriend material as he has good tastes and a smart mind but once you are a target for a meal, you are a meal! We fucked for a good hour and I had a delayed text sent to him pretending to be Trevor which he saw and he smirked as he knew we had more time to enjoy this fucking.

We fucked more and more until I released all my loads into him which was kept in due to his tight hole. I pulled out and he was on the bed trying to catch some air but I leaned in for a kiss which what he was expected until I opened up and swallowed his head in. I could feel inside my mouth that he went into a complete panic not realizing that I finally eating him instead of Trevor. His arms and legs were moving about like mad but my new gained strength kept him pinned down. I enjoy tasting his amazing hair and his sweaty face in my mouth as my salvia built up to make him easier to swallow down my throat.

I swallowed him up slowly, slowly enjoying his sweaty smooth upper body as I could feel his bones slowly pushing down my throat, I couldn’t believe that Skye was finally going to be my meal. He eventually gave in as he knew I had him and it was a more of a positive experience as I spent hours swallowing him in. His cock and arse were fucking delicious. I did play around with his tight butt like a teddy giving them tons of slapping and squeezing to make sure it was extra tender as it went into my mouth. His legs were really lean also, so was his massive feet which did taste pretty foul but who cares, it was a meal to satisfy my hunger for today. I laid there in bed with a huge belly AGAIN feeling Skye squirming around inside my stomach. This time around I allowed time for him to swim inside my stomach and jerk off one last time. He was prepared for this as I digested him away.

I got up and checked myself out in the mirror. I knew this was successful and I now got two suitcases full of clothes and to phones to lure in more guys later on tonight. I had everything I needed for this trip now plus I already vored two amazing guys with opposites bodies. I now got the best of twinks and jocks as one on my body and I only going to get bigger and more prime from tonight.

I smirked once more time as I got dressed and went back to the bar looking for a quick snack before I head downtown to the event.

I was loaded with money, a sexy Alpha body and nobody will ever find out what has happened to Trevor and Skye on this trip. Thank you both for giving me this amazing body!

Straight away I felt my muscles on my six-pack grew slightly bigger and luckily my iris color changed to Amber. I was laying here feeling so full of energy and a brand new body knowing Trevor made me an Alpha along with Skye giving me that extra muscle gain on my chest. I felt so Alpha now and I was ready for the party later. I knew I was going to be the prime Alpha from the UK, I will be heading home like a king that just made his presence known.

;) ;)

(Remember guys that you can always contribute towards this blog by gifting me from my wishlist @ https://tinyurl.com/y7f8y4uv )

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michaelbranch · 3 years

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A Brief Summary of Ideas: The Madness of Crowds

*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question

The Madness of Crowds: Gender, Race, and Identity

Author: Douglas Murray

Assumption that a heightened moral knowledge comes with being an oppressed/minority group. "Speaking as a ..."

All these causes started as legitimate human rights campaigns.

Gay

Can't award yourself the right to attribute motives to others that you can't see but which you suspect. Prerequisite for avoiding perpetual confrontation is an ability to listen to people's words and hold some trust in them.

Problem of changing societal positions so swiftly is that unexplored issues and arguments are left behind in the wake.

We still don't have much idea as to why some people are gay.

Hardware = something people can't change (and thus shouldn't be judged on). Software = can be changed (and thus may be available for judgement). Inevitably there will be a push to make some software issues into hardware.

LGBT groupings composition is unsustainable and contradictory. Internal frictions and contradictions even within groupings.

Some heterosexuals are genuinely disturbed by gay people. Plenty of stages between absolute equanimity and ease around people and a desire to violently attack them.

Marxist Foundations

See society not as an infinitely complex system of trust and traditions evolved over time, but solely through the prism of power.

Anyone who questions an "ism" finds themselves accused. Easy weapons to wield with no price to pay for wielding them unfairly.

When it is nearly impossible to tell what is being said, almost anything can be said, and exceptionally dishonest arguments can be smuggled in under the guise of complexity. T= be weary of arguments that can't be presented simply.

Women

Society has doubled down on the belief that biological difference can be denied or ignored.

T= When people make exaggerated claims about what someone else said, its likely an example of people deliberately and lazily adopting simplified misrepresentations of the argument in order to avoid the difficult discussion that would otherwise have to take place.

Contradictory statement = possible to be sexy without being sexualized

Presumption that almost all relationships in the workplace and elsewhere are centered around the exercise of power. Various types of power; many parties can hold different ones.

Privilege is unbelievably hard to define or quantify. How can strata be arranged to be flexible enough to include everyone but consider various comparative changes throughout life. Also, easier to see in others but more difficult to see in ourselves.

Intersectionality is not a fully worked out science.

Concept of the patriarchy has become so ingrained its rarely disputed.

Impact of Tech

If we are running in the wrong direction; tech helps us run faster.

Internet has allowed new forms of activism and bullying. To find people accused of "wrong thing" works because it rewards the bully.

"The one thing we can say with certainty about the advent of new technologies is that people overestimate their impact in the short term and underestimate their impact over the long term." -Variously attributed.

What we say in one place may be posted in another, not just for the whole world but for all time. Having to find a way to speak and act as though it may be in front of everyone. To speak in public is now to have to find a way to address or keep in mind every possible variety of person.

T= Don't sacrifice truth in the pursuit of a political goal.

Race

Some portion of black studies started attacking non blacks. Growth of "whiteness studies" w/ aim of disrupting racism by problematizing "whiteness". Displaces celebratory nature of many race studies to with problematizing others.

Catastrophizing has become one of the distinctive attitudes of the era.

Q= Should we seek color blindness (get beyond race to individual judgement, making skin color effectively an unimportant aspect of a person's identity)?

An idea that since everything was set up by a structure of white hegemony everything is laced with racism and therefore everything must be done away with.

If people got things so wrong in the past, how can you be sure you are acting appropriately today?

Important in crowd maddening mechanism: person who professes themselves most aggrieved gets the most attention. Rewards outrage over sanguinity.

Politicizing issues such that the speaker and their innate characteristics don't matter. What matters is the speech and ideas they give voice to.

Easy(er) to slip up not on an issue of motive but, especially when no other evidence is available, a crime of language.

Social media age has brought us opportunity to publish uncharitable and disingenuous interpretations of what other people have said.

Equality of opportunity AND outcome almost certainly impossible.

Forgiveness

T= Context collapse: conversation/act taken out of context and used to create a simplified version of a person or their beliefs.

Q= How, if ever, is our age able to forgive? Since everybody errs during their life there must be - in any healthy person or society - some capacity to be forgiven. Part of forgiveness is the ability to forget. The internet will never forget.

Actions have consequences that are unbounded and limitless. Constantly acting in a web of relationships in which every action starts a chain reaction. A single word or deed could change everything.

Without being forgiven we would remain the victim of the consequences forever.

T= Historically perpetrators and offended both die out and the grievance fades over time. Internet leaves a permanent record.

Internet helps people approach the past from an all-knowing angle. Retributive instinct of our time that suggests we know ourselves to be better than people in history because we know how they behaved and how we "would have" behaved.

To view the past with some degree of forgiveness is among other things an early request to be forgiven in return.

Trans

Every age before this one has performed or permitted acts that to us are morally stupefying.

A considerable range of cultures has adapted to the idea that some people may be born in one body but desire to live in another.

For intersex people, the question of what medical intervention might be suitable and when is a matter of serious contention.

Very hard to know how to navigate the leap beyond biology into testimony.

Still almost nowhere near understanding trans; including how common it is.

Autogynephilia: arousal that comes from imagining yourself in the role of the opposite sex.

Q= whether what one person believes to be true about themselves has to be accepted as true by other people?

Questions about the age at which people who believe they are in the wrong body should be allowed to access drugs and surgery are worth considering.

Q= What do you need to do to be content with your body, not change it?

Seems we're running to quickly on the trans issue, scared to be on the wrong side of history.

Some contention between trans and feminist ideas.

T= little contention that equal rights should be given. Issue is preconceptions and assumptions about how to go about tackling the issue.

Q=Claims of human rights violations are inversely proportionate to the number of violations in a country. -Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Only a very free society would permit (or encourage) claims about its own inequities.

T= when people attempt to sum up our societies in terms of simplistic structures ask, "compared to what". Not to say elements of our society can't be improved.

The victim is not always right, nice, deserves no praise, and may not be a victim.

Incline towards generosity when interpreting others words/acts.

-People are wiling to interpret remarks from their own tribe in a generous light while reading opposing ones in as negative a light as possible.

To assume that sex, sexuality, and skin color mean nothing would be ridiculous. To assume that they mean everything would be fatal.

The madness we are living through is an over-reaction to past injustice. Belief is that the fastest and best way to address this is to over-compensate.

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