#and they are literally impossible to clean

[chaosjunkieman]

Make Your Move (Five Hargreeves x Reader Smut)

Song Inspo: "Make Your Move" by New Found Glory

Based on the beginning of Season 4. Aged up Five.

Warnings: smut, piv, lowkey hurt/comfort.

A/N: ehehe smutty time !

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Seeing an old flame definitely brings up old feelings.

She sighs heavily as she pushes front pieces of hair that had fallen from her ponytail back behind her ears. Nervously tapping against the steering wheel of her car. Behind her held her god-daughters birthday party. Meaning, that after 6 long impossible years, she had to face seeing Diego’s siblings again. Uncertain on whether or not he was gunna be there. She’d become a nanny help for the family. Taking in the kids whenever Lila or Diego both needed a break while also working her own job at one of the local banks as a teller.

A tap at the window pulled her from her thoughts. Looking over the passenger door she sees Lila there. A begging look on her face. Unlocking the door, Lila hops in. Immediately sighing.

“You and me both-“ She comments. Looking down at her hands.

“He’s a bloody nightmare.” Lila sighs looking over to her.

Lila’s gaze softens upon seeing how anxious she looked.

“He’s not here yet,” Lila comments.

She lifts her eyes to meet Lila’s and she pulls a tight smile. She sucks in a deep breath, before exhaling. Lila grabs her hand and gives it a tight squeeze before also smiling at her. They both nod in agreement and exit the vehicle. She helps Lila grab some extra bottles of soda from the van and heads inside. Just as she’s making a beeline for the party table she bumps into another. Stumbling back, she looks up to see who she ran into. Her breath catches in her throat. It was none other than Five. He looked particularly handsome with a newer black suit and his hair longer.

“Oh- sorry,” They both say at the same time.  

She awkwardly juggles the bottles of 2-liter that rested in her arms.

“Here, let me help with those.” Five comments, reaching around to grab one of them from her hands.

Their hands briefly brush over each other. The feel of electricity shocking her. His eyes drift to hers with an awkward and seemingly apologetic smile. Both of them open their mouth as if about to say something when a gasp from a little girl is heard behind Five. “Y/N/N! You came!” Grace screeched rushing over to her and hugging at her legs.

She stumbles at the impact and almost drops the 2-liters when Five swiftly grabs them out of her hands before they did. She mouthed a thank you to the man before he sauntered off to the party table.

“You have to come play, pleeeease!” Grace pleads and she nods with a smile. Grace giggles loudly and roughly clasps on to her hand, dragging her away.

She spends a good while playing with Grace and her friends. While she does so, she looks to the corner of her eye, catching Five looking at her with a soft smile as he nursed a bottle of beer. She smiled at him as well as their eyes meet. Her heart felt full seeing him there. Thinking it was going to bring her an intense amount of anguish and sorrow seeing him. Though in reality, it brought forth old feelings.

She stays behind to help Lila and Diego clean up after the kids. Also picking up a tired Grace and brining her to their van. She hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to Five before she climbs into her vehicle, and makes her way home.

The 3 story walk up to her condo was quiet. She hadn’t tried for a relationship since things ended with Five. She had casual hook ups from time to time but no one stayed permanently. Some days coming home to an empty condo felt more dreadful than when she was with Five. She smiles to herself briefly thinking about how good Five looked today as she unlocked the door to her condo. Slipping inside, the door slams shut, echoing throughout the quiet condo. Sighing, she sats down her bag on the entrance table, and slips off her flats. Leaving them on the mat by the front door. Just as she’s about to make her way towards the kitchen to make an evening snack, a knock at the door grabs her attention.

Opening the door she stops in her tracks. Five stood in front of her. Seemingly out of breath.

“Five?” She asks. Cocking her head to one side in confusion.

“I can’t do it anymore.” He spats out nervously. Glancing down she notices him twiddling away with his thumbs.

“What do you mean?” She asks. Moving aside she motions for him to enter her condo.

Five hesitates before entering. She offers to hang up his jacket on the coat stand she kept by the door. He thanks her at her offer, but swiftly declines.

“I-“ Five beings to say something when he cuts himself off. Groaning at himself, he shakes his head before he sighs.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the day I left.” Five spits out in a rapid fire.

 Taken aback by his words, she prepares to reply when Five raises his hand to stop her.

“Seeing you tonight, in that dress,” He continues. Groaning at the end, and eyes her up and down.

“I knew for a long time that I fucking screwed up. I’ve been wanting to call, come by do anything, something to get you back but I was so damn afraid that you moved on.” He takes deep breath between words. His gaze had shifted down to his feet this time.

“Five,” she whispers. Hooking her pointer finger under his chin. Forcing him to look up at her.

His eyes seemed wild. So many emotions swimming behind his irises. She hadn’t seem him this flustered then when they reconnected the first time in the other timeline.

“Fuck it,” He spats and smashes his lips to hers.

The kiss is feverish and sloppy. As if he was pouring all what he wanted to say into it. His fist grip tightly around her dress, pulling her flush against his body. She whimpers at the contact. Feeling his hard-on, on her thigh ran a shiver through her spine.

They break away from a moment.

“Bedroom,” she pants. Nodding to the door behind him.

He nods in understanding and reconnects their lips with no time to spare. He pulls her with him as he starts to back up towards the door. Her lips were on fire as he reaches behind him to jiggle with the doorknob. He frustratedly huffs as she reaches behind him to help. As they enter her bedroom she starts to push the suit jacket he wore from his shoulders. Discarding it to the floor.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” Five breathily whispers as he begins to hike up the skirt of her dress.

One of his hands snake down from her waist to her core. His fingers brush over the largest part of her underwear before pulling it aside so that he could easily insert two fingers. Crying out at the sensation, Five’s opposite hand reaches high. Cuffing around her neck and gently squeezes. She gasps at the pressure as he does this. Also picking up his speed of his brutal attack on her insides. Within in seconds she’s coming undone around his fingers.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Five whispers in her ear.

Her breathing becomes ragged as she comes down from the high of her orgasm.

“Need you-“ She states as she smashes her lips back to his.

He nods at her request. He briefly disconnects their kiss to pull her dress over her head. She’s fighting against the buttons of his white button down shirt. A few more pulls and tugs, he backing her against her bed. Her knees buckling upon contact she starts to pull herself higher in the bed. Five following suit.

Their lips reconnect as Five’s head teases her entrance.

“Can I?” he whispers. Looking up at her through his lashes, eyes shimmering in the light from billboards that seeped through her curtains.

Speechless, she nods ‘yes’.

Five lines himself with her and slowly pushes in. Both of them gasping at the feeling. Her hands reaching up to grab on to his bicep. He allows her to fully adjust to his size. Which shocked her the first time they had sex and shocks her even now. Five starts to roll his hips, slow and steady. Five takes in a sharp breath and steads himself with her headboard. The feeling him stretching her out after all these are overpowering her senses. Tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. The amount of love pouring from Five which each thrust fills her heart full.

“God,” Five’s breath hitches in his throat.

Seeing his naked form being illuminated from the night time light made him seem like a demi-god in his own right.

“Five-“ she gasps out his name as she can feel her orgasm reaching closer.

“Yeah, yeah, I know baby.” Five replies. He dips his head low and places soft kisses on her cheek.

She gasps and mewls as her orgasm reaches its point. Theres tears flowing freely from her eyes now.

“Fucking hell.” Five breathily shudders.

“I can,t-“ He stutters.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” She states, another orgasm brewing quickly.

“Shit,” Five grunts as he starts to let go. She comes undone with him.

They stay like that for a brief moment to catch their breath. He looks up at sheepishly and she lets out a small giggle. Earning a grin from him. Five lowers his head and captures her lips in a sweet kiss.

Five pulls out of her and she stumbles up to grab a towel for the two of them. Five takes a moment to help her before he does anything with himself. He goes to grab his dress pants when she stops him.

“Stay tonight,” she asks hopefully. A gentle smile tugging at her lips.

“Please.”

“Okay,” Five responds.

“Here-“ She responds, going over to her dresses and pulling out the bottom drawer.

“I’ve uhm, I’ve kept these around just in case.” She whispers embarrassingly.

It was a pair of old pajamas Five had kept with her before. Five gives her a loving smile. She hands over the garments to him and he gets dressed. She also pulls on a pair of pajama shorts and an old t-shirt.

She climbs into bed, patting the spot besides her. Five seems to hesitate for a moment before joining her. He pulls her into his chest, nuzzling his face into her head of hair. She smiles at the sensation of him trying to get as close as possible to her. She was just grateful to have her Five back.

[anamelessfool]

Papa's Metamorphosis (pt 2)

An Interactive Adventure (hashtag #papas metamorphosis) Part 1

One morning, as Papa Emeritus IV wakes from anxious dreams, he discovers that in bed he had been changed into a tiny, evil little doll.

Hahaha, please I am just razzing you. It's the Dungeon Master in me. (And these options will come up again) OK, enjoy part 2. And Vote on what happens next. CW: Drug References

Onward to the Ghoul Den

Papa takes a small comfort in the fact that despite his predicament, his rats still recognize him. Two of his favorites waddle up to the side of their cage, rubbing their nose against his outstretched felt nub hand. It’s oddly heartwarming to see them at the size of small ponies. Worst case scenario if he never figures this all out he can at least literally cuddle pile with his rats at this scale. “Stay strong for me, my little potatoes,” Papa soothes, more to himself than anything. “I’m sorry your breakfast will have to wait.”

Papa steels himself with a fortifying breath, preparing for the journey ahead. His ghouls would know what to do. And would probably not laugh at him for whatever he looked like right now. He slips out of his rooms and into the hallway, flattening himself against the walls to avoid detection as he scurries towards the ghoul den. Luckily the ghouls lived downstairs and therefore he could simply throw himself down the steps, bouncing stupidly the whole way and remain relatively unharmed. Upstairs would be a tough climb stair by stair but Papa does what always has and looks on the bright side. The ghouls will immediately solve all his problems painlessly and he would emerge from this situation completely unscathed and able to climb stairs with ease.

Naturally.

Papa knew ghouls are nocturnal but as far as he was concerned this was an emergency situation that warranted an urgent wake up call. He’s now in front of their rooms in the basement of the ministry, preparing himself for one of the most impossible challenges he’s yet faced in his life: opening their heavy front door.

He gets a running start from across the hall, slamming his body against the door. He bounces back and skitters across the floor, the door still shut. Cazzo. He rubs his head and tries again, putting his weight into it and again he flies back, gasping.

As he dusts himself off and swears, his rats come to mind. He knows rats can squeeze under a place as long as their skulls can fit. They're very collapsible and resilient. He eyes the crack under the ancient door. It's quite large now that he looks at it. He presses his head in his hands, then holds them out to measure. Yes, he could do it.

And so Papa maneuvers his head under the door, and his plush body compresses as he slides through, groaning through gritted teeth as he forces himself through the vice made by the door and the floor. But he’s through. It worked. He makes a mental note to never do any major upgrades to the Ministry as long as he’s Frater Imperator. They really don’t make shitty, drafty doors like they used to.

All at once Papa is hit with the strong, pissy herbal scent of cannabis in the air, and he hopes it doesn’t leech into his stuffing. Merde, these ghouls need to get a grip, he thinks. Their common area is relatively clean except for several empty pizza boxes stacked beside the sagging couch. There’s a few towering water pipes and empty soda bottles on the coffee table. Papa sees three of his ghouls distorted through all the glassware, dozing across each other on the couch: Swiss Ghoul, Mountain Ghoul, and Aurora Ghoul.

“Ghouls! Ghouls!” yells Papa as loud as he can. “My Ghouls!”

Swiss blinks his puffy red eyes several times, assessing and reassessing his vision. Copia bounces in place by the couch, muttering the whole time. Swiss regards the mess on the coffee table, coughs, then taps the other ghouls awake. They all slowly come back to life, rubbing their heads.

“Am I seeing this?” Aurora asks, swiping at the air. Papa jumps back, narrowly missing her claws. “Like…is this guy real?”

“This is the wrong shit to be seeing tiny people with, Rory,” mutters Swiss. “Yeah. This thing is real.”

“Erm, this eh, thing, is your Papa,” sputters Papa. “Copia. Your summoner. You, uh…have to help me?”

“Holy shit he’s small.” Aurora Ghoul is shaking, drawing her knees up to her chest. “Or am I big? Am I like, super big now? Hoooly shit, guys—”

“Rory, stop being dramatic,” Mountain says, still leaned back on the couch. “You had like, half a puff of this. Honestly.”

Copia attempts to climb the coffee table, but the smooth wood legs slip under his little felt hands. “Don’t you ghouls em, know magic? You know…spells?”

The three ghouls exchange glances. They silently decide Mountain is the one articulate enough to break the bad news to their Dark Master. “Well…did you specify we’d be able to do magic? When you summoned us?”

“I don’t…” Papa frowns, stamping a little foot on the rug. “Listen, it’s not that important right now! Do you know spells or not?”

”I mean…thing about magic is, you gotta be real specific,” Swiss adds, with a shrug and a phlegmy green cough. “That’s kinda its whole bag. You wanted musicians and uh…well, you got ones.”

”With all the musical talents of Satan himself,” Aurora Ghoul adds with pride. “And I’m pretty good at making cocktails.”

“She really is good,” says Mountain.

“But that was that bartending course I did during off season, nothing magical about that.”

Papa feels the vibration of heavy, sleepy footfalls arriving from the bedrooms and Cumulus appears, bleary eyed and wearing a massive purple silk sleep bonnet. She already begins her tirade against the noisy ghouls as she enters the main room, crossing it to get to the fridge. “What the fuck are you going on about? I swear if you bought more of that gas station weed again—”

Swiss tosses his arm at her. “No, no, that was a single stupid mistake!”

“Yeah we test it all on Phantom first now,” says Aurora.

Cumulus rips open the fridge and removes the carton of orange juice, snatching a clean glass from the counter. “Yeah well, about that…” She is mid-pour when her eyes land on Copia standing by the coffee table and waving his little felt arms. Her face falls into a mask of confusion, and for a few seconds she forgets her glass is full and juice splatters across the floor. “Do we have…pests?”

“It’s me!” cries Papa. He hops up and down, attempting a friendly smile. “I’ve been cursed!”

“He’s been cursed, ‘Lus,” Mountain says helpfully.

Cumulus Ghoul places her glass on the counter, her brow furrowed, her head slowly tilting in bewilderment. There’s a tense silence as she studies the paraphenalia scattered across the coffee table, then her packmates, and then the impossibly tiny version of her boss fretting on the shag rug. She blinks, once.

“I’m going back to bed.”

And she does.

“You all are just….just!” Papa crosses his arms. “A real em—drag!”

“Sorry, Papa,” says Swiss. “That's fucked up. That's a total bummer, man.”

“You want to retrace your steps or something?” Mountain suggests.

“No, certainly not!” Papa is incensed and in his mind he’s done with these ghouls. He marches through the common room, his thin felt legs flailing in a determined and irritated goose step. “I'm looking for ghouls with er— brains! Some common sense!”

He reaches the hallway with its bathroom and three adjacent dorm rooms for the rest of his dark army. Certainly not all of them are lazy degenerates, Papa thinks as he adjusts the tiny hat on his head. One of them at least would have a good head on their shoulders…

Your vote contributes to how this story goes. As for the "Other" option I have a right to pick and chose what works for me personally. This story is PG-13.

The polls are 24 hours but I may not post every day.

Please reblog for maximum impact! Let's have fun here.

[missouri-and-woe]

we're finally getting new countertops so i'll finally be able to actually make things like bread

[beaft]

genuinely curious how does anybody get employed. is it this hard for everyone or am i just uniquely bad at it. everyone talks about "climbing the ladder" meanwhile i am here on the ground staring up at the bottom rung of the ladder that is hanging approximately 20 feet above my head

[yandereshingeki]

Here it is!! My entire Eren collection😭 and also a small peak at my new but slowly growing JJK one lol

If anyone wants to know where I got certain things or to see things closer up or more in detail (like keychains or smth bc I know they aren't all visible, or even my other fandom collections bc I like showing off my little trinkets) then just lmk!! And I also would love to see other people's collections too... it can be more than just Eren, let me see any collection you have that you want to show off!!

[the-real-daddy-van-der-bellen]

you might think i grew out my hair because I simply think it's pretty. but in truth it is so that i can eat ice cream and when i inevitably get it on my shirt, i can simply hide the stain with my hair.

[nowjumpinthewater]

.

[justablah56]

why does it have to be so hard to do literally anything

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

I forget sometimes you guys have not watched half the shows I have,

you guys would EXPLODE if I tried to explain mort lore.

(from yk dream works's Madagascar?? yeah that guy? little brown lemur? yeah fucked up, almost completely crazed fever dream lore.)

anyway I was thinking about the cinematic parallels with chef and Chris from total drama and how it's literally the same fucking thing that happens in Hannibal mostly.

murderous eccentric loved by many: Chris

manipulates, doesn't care how many he kills because it's exciting: Chris

mutilates and disfigures people for his own enjoyment: Chris

wealthy: Chris

gets sent to jail because he's a fucking murder: Chris

pulls a good guy and turns him evil and is gay for him: Chris

I can go on and on, uh you may be saying

"what the fuck?? that happens in this show??? what's it even rated??"

it's PG, guys.. it's a kids show. total drama is surprisingly dark, it's awesome I suggest it if you like weird shows that are a spoof of survivor.

but my god is the show literally just Chris being fucking murderous and gay for chef the entire time.

THIS MAN HAS KILLED 78 PEOPLE HE CANNONICALLY WENT TO PRISON FOR IT. CHEF LITERALLY GOT HIM OUT.

(mostly it was the show getting another season, idk how they got him out of jail. 100% it was chef tho)

like they are full on murder husbands, this show is so chaotic and cringe but mostly just "CHRIS WTF" it's fucking great.

literally inlove gay murder husbands, it's fucking crazy how similar it parallels Hannibal (2013) while being older than it.

I love this show it's awesome.

[grahamkennedy]

My karaoke fit tonight. I literally look like if a pride festival had a baby with a clown convention.

[orchidyoonkook]

This post if for 💋anon. Darling I have your ask. I’m not ignoring. Life just been life and I haven’t had a good moment to sit down, absorb, read and reply with equal energy. I promise I will. Your friendship is valued ♥️.

[on-stolen-sunbeams]

.

[intertexts]

took a 30 minute nap w the ac on & kittycat sleeping on me & suddenly the world is a much more beautiful place

[borrelia]

suicide ment againnnn

see when i was in high school, d---- posted a suicide note saying something something "this is queued, by the time it goes up I'll be dead." and at the time he was mad at me for something inconsequential so I wasn't in contact with him. also at this time this was not his FIRST faked suicide so i was like okay. whatever. but all my other friends were FREAKED out scared. kylee henke was online at the time and one of my friends sent an anon ask like "WHAT DO WE DO????" and i think she said "uhhh. call the cops in the area i guess? geez i don't know i hope your friend's okay." feel bad that got dumped on her, but it was just bc she was online and my friends were scared teens that looked up to her. anyway ppl were messaging me abt it and all i could say was "idk, he's not talking to me but he's definitely fine." which wasn't very reassuring so for THEIR sake i hopped on facebook and dm'd d----'s MOM and was like hey. can you go upstairs and check on [deadname], we're worried. and she was like yeah [deadname]'s fine, just crying in front of the computer. and i was like okay thanks. HEY EVERYONE HES FINE.

so then i think the pile of concerned dms he was getting turned into piles of "jfc dude we were worried about you" and he came online with a "WHICH ONE OF YOU MEANERS TOLD!!!" post which was VERY funny to me. idk if he ever figured out it was me bc, like i said, we weren't talking at the time.

so anyway thats where I'm coming from here.

[b0ngwater69]

When the social battery hit 0% 3 hours ago and 4 people walk into the apartment (':

[disasterwriter]

I see a ton of “writer problems” posts on here, but I think there is one writer problem that we’ve all deluded ourselves into not mentioning.

I don’t know guys, I just don’t think there’s a world in which this shit is normal