#and then realizing that everything i want to say requires like. too much context to actually work as a post

[bronanlynch]

the thing abt legend of galactic heroes is that I do unironically believe it belongs on the list of things to get into if you like friends at the table. but also unfortunately it’s 110 episodes and not particularly like. easy to find anywhere. and like. *I* think it’s well worth it but my idea of good television is shows where most of the action is people sitting around talking abt plots & themes. which I realize that plenty of people think is ““boring”” or whatever. however. I am fully (sickos dot jpeg voice) yes!!! hahaha yes!!!! every time there’s another scene of people sitting around a conference table discussing their plans and schemes

[sourscheming]

Why the Tacomic scene in II 2 17 isnt as bad as some of you are making it out to be

II 2 17 SPOILERS BELOW!!

ive seen many people say they absolutely despise the tacomic scene in ii 2 17 due to many reasons. mainly being that the scene felt too rushed or that microphone was heavily out of character.

and while i can agree with these claims when looking at this scene from a first glance, ive realized this scene requires a lot more additional context and reflection to fully understand, using tiny bits and pieces left for us. and its my job to help glue them up! hope you enjoy my rambling :)

Arguement 1: Mic is very OOC

when first looking at this scene i can agree that yes microphone is very out of character. her acting so nonchalant, just playing off tacos actions. but let me tell you why shes not as ooc as some of you might think. first: a tweet from brian

“mic had always had a tendency to let taco off the hook” and this is very true! she will always try and play off taco’s actions due to how much she cares about her. and. with this being a life or death situation, she really didnt want to make a mountain out of a molehill and potentially die without any closure with taco. her playing off tacos actions might feel like its ooc, but it makes so much more sense whennyou consider their history and the fact thst in someways microphone still yearns and loves taco. she yearns for taco a 7/10 it used to be higher!! (source: brians streams) she still really loves taco despite everything.

i know what pissed many people off was microphone acting so… natural. she wasnt mad or anything. she was just so chill about it all when she shouldve been mad, right? i definitely agree with that, but most people seem to be forgetting this line

(nice callback to this scene btw)

but back to the point; mic hears everything. microphone always knew taco was in the hotel because she heard her. and doing this she had time to reflect and gather her thoughts so she wasn’t screaming at taco or getting mad irrationally. and keep in mind microphone most likely heard taco crying and screaming about pickle dying, i dont think she wanted to push her to do that again. hearing taco, the one who presented herself to be so strong and evil, just sobbing her heart out mustve been terrifying.

now i also wanted to bring up this:

microphone knows about the events of episode 15 and was most likely told taco died and why. she knows taco can die due to heavy emotional distress. acting angry and irrational and not sitting down to talk about wouldve stressed her out more and they couldve potentially lost her too. the reason why shes so chill about isnt because shes not upset about everything, it was because if she was, she risked the chance of loosing taco.

another tweet from brian to show microhone doesnt forgive taco yet, but she definitely woud in the future if taco proved herself:

and again it may not look like this in the episode, but microphones nonchalant attitude comes with a lot of jabs at taco, showing that she doesnt truly forgive her. plus, microphone never utters the words “i forgive you” once.

but the reason why shes able to move on so easily is because of how well she knows taco. taco had always struggled with apologizing, as seen in episode 13. she’s almost never used the word sorry consciously.

microphone had always been a big softie for taco being at least a bit sincere, so imagine how she felt when taco went fully sincere. and she knew she couldn’t just hug her and say i forgive you on a whim, so she sorta had to play it off to keep everything on track.

and this scene is so. impactful because of just what it represents. microphone had always been about “doing the right thing” and taco begrudgingly respected her wishes. but to see taco DOING the right thing mustve been such a turning point for microphone. shown her that taco CAN change, that she wants to. it solidifies that the care that microphone had wasnt one sided, taco LEARNED something from her. shes learning how to be better. shes trying because she wants to be with microphone. i think thats what really strikes a chord, she gained something, a friend.

Arguement 2: The scene felt really rushed

oh i definitely agreed with this at first. this segment will be much shorter because it’s basically hammering into your head that HEY they were in a LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION!!!

microphone needed to quickly rush taco out in order to keep her safe, they needed to do it quickly so they wouldnt die. again, mic wouldve reached out sooner but the situation was so stressful she only did it now. taco probably wouldve died if she didnt come out, and they all knew the onpy way they could pry her out was with someone she cared about.

do i wish they got 5 more minutes to talk? fuck yes, but also keep in mind they barely had time to do anything, so much was happening all at once they had to shoehorn something in. and with the points i listed earlier again, this was probably the best they could do due to circumstance.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

overall, while i do think this scene was rushed, theres still beauty to be had with it. its still really impactful when reflecting on it and i dont think it devalues the tacomic arc as much as some of you make it out to.

i wish there was more to this scene but i think what we got was pretty substantial especially considering everything that happened in ii 2 17.

they both still care for eachother, they both loved eachother so much, that they were able to put their grievances aside so they could spend their final moments together.

thanks for reading <3

[alchemistc]

(dys)functional | bucktommy 1/1

an: the hockey au keeps growing, have some tommy whump in the meantime

read on ao3

"Hey," Tommy says, rolling the word over his tongue, letting the door close behind him and leaning his head back against it as it goes. Evan glances up, and immediately sets the knife in his hands down, expression going concerned the moment he sees the look on Tommy's face.

"Uh wha - what's wrong?"

The concern in his voice is ratcheted up in a way Tommy doesn't quite understand - he knows the look on his face is a little resigned but Evan looks stressed. "I'm gonna have to reschedule our weekend," he tells him, already shifting away from the door, moving in, chasing after the distressed little tilt of Evan's head, completely incapable of not trying to fix it even though his mind is going in about fifty different directions, right now.

Around the corner of the island, into Evan's space, and Evan melts just enough for Tommy to get his hands around Evan's hips. "Is everything okay?"

Tommy grimaces. "Not - not really, no. I've got to catch a flight in about six hours."

Evan goes stiff under his hands. "O-okay."

There's an art to fully grasping his tone, in these moments. He's - not an easy read, exactly, because his default seems to always be doing a terrible job of hiding whatever it is he's feeling, but that doesn't actually mean he's not masking the actual issue. It's confusion, mostly, maybe a little bit of hurt, a quiet sense of foreboding in his expression as he leans back to get a good look at Tommy's face, like he's searching for an answer for a question he doesn't know if he's allowed to ask.

Evan shifts impatiently, stormy expression clearing up. "Can - do you need to -" He makes a face Tommy knows is aimed at himself, a little recrimination for not being able to gather up the proper words in the proper order. He pulls in a deep breath. "Okay, so this is maybe too much to throw at you right now but those are kinda famous last words for me and I'm - will you tell me why so I'm not thinking up worst case scenarios here?"

Tommy slides in, fingers curling into the hem of Evan's shirt, gripping, tugging just enough that they both drift into one another. "It's my father." Brow furrowed, Evan nods, and waits, still rigid in the circle of Tommy's arms. And Tommy really does have to leave, soon, pack an overnight bag and try to get a couple hours of sleep before the slog to John Wayne, but he's a little concerned that leaving right now is going to send Evan into a tailspin. Thank God he'd decided to drive over first, tell him in person - he's missing a heap of context here but clearly a phone call would have been the wrong move. "He's - I have to..."

Evan knows the basics, bare minimum shit because Tommy hates acknowledging how much his father had fucked him up, how many years of therapy have been required to untangle the dad shaped knots in his brain.

"I don't really have all the details, yet, but my uncle called and I - I'm needed, apparently. I don't." Tommy has felt wrong-footed since the moment the name flashed across his phone screen, he doesn't talk to them, to any of them, and now his uncle has given him a vague 'Tom you need to come home, it's your pop' and his sister isn't answering her messages. Tommy takes a breath, realizes his hands have tightened into fists in the seams of Evan's shirt. "What do you mean famous last words?"

Evan is studying him carefully, elbows bowed behind him because he's got his palms curled around Tommy's fists, eyes shifting over Tommy's face, and Tommy knows he's seeing the shit Tommy likes to keep under lock and key. "It - it can wait. Tommy, do you need me to come with you?" Head tilted, gaze assessing, fingers shifting, soothing over the stretched tight skin of Tommy's knuckles.

It's too soon for that. He doesn't want Evan to see that part of him, the piece of the puzzle that Tommy has had to chip at, and shave and sand down to make fit, that ugly little part of his life he'd shed the day he'd set his house key on the dining room table and left for boot camp.

It's not too soon - he doesn't want Evan to ever see that.

He's also suddenly incredibly aware of how nice it would be to finally, finally have someone he knows is in his corner for whatever bullshit he's ten hours away from walking into. His grip loosens and Evan seizes the opportunity, awkwardly lacing his fingers through Tommy's. It's a weird angle, uncomfortable with the current positioning of their arms, but it feels a bit like a lifeline. "I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not. I'm offering."

There's a stubborn part of him that doesn't want to accept. He's kept his life out here so separate; even Sal, who'd kept all his other secrets for going on a decade, barely knows shit about his family. He has a good life, rich and fulfilling. Out here. He's got Evan, who'd do practically anything for his friends, his family. Tommy can't justify subjecting him to whatever garbage the Kinard's have going on three thousand miles across the country.

Evan tugs at his hands, shifting his weight enough to send Tommy stumbling half a step into him. Toe to toe, gazes catching again, because Evan is seeking him out, Tommy feels some of the weight lift off his shoulders.

"Okay."

It gives him the excuse of leaving as soon as possible, once he gets there, at the very least.

Evan nods. Whatever weird tension he'd been carrying ebbs from his shoulders and Tommy puts a pin in that - he's spiraling and upset but for a second Evan had been, too, and he needs to circle back to that when he can think straight.

He's got his phone out, free hand digging into Tommy's front pocket, and Tommy blinks, tries to think of something clever to say, something flirty and wry. They were supposed to go out tonight: dinner, maybe dancing, after, if Tommy could convince him. Then a three day stretch of matching days off - a drive up the coast, a little rental within walking distance of a beach, a seafood place that made a lobster roll almost as good as the ones up in Maine. He'd been contemplating whether or not it was too early to bring up Evan's lease.

Evan fishes Tommy's phone out and presses in his passcode without a second thought, and something eases in Tommy's chest. He trusts Evan. Has trusted him, consistently, unquestioningly - he'd given him his passcode on a whim when the screen went dark on it halfway through Evan adding his food to whatever they'd been in the middle of ordering in before Evan got derailed by a story about the anatomy of seahorses.

"Did you already book a flight?"

Tommy nods. Points out the Southwest icon he'd moved to his home screen for easy access.

He doesn't argue when Evan guides him around the island to one of the stools, there, fight and flight both losing out to freeze as Evan takes charge.

It's not their usual dynamic. Evan has been happy to set the pace, but once he takes his cues from him, Tommy's typically the one taking point. But Tommy feels unmoored, and it's nice, actually, to have Evan press a kiss to his temple, to pull up his flight information, to squeeze Tommy's shoulder as he books a second ticket on the credit card Tommy's really only let him use once or twice, happy to be seeing someone who will actually let him pay more than his fair share, who seems flattered that Tommy's always got his wallet out before Evan even thinks to reach for his.

Everything's a bit jumbled. He's halfway to Jersey already, maybe, pulled into the riptide and dashed against the rocks of Richard Kinard's bullshit, he doesn't even know why he's going, just that his uncle had told him he needed to come. He comes up for air feeling battered and bruised when Evan rubs a hand down his shoulder, over his arm, up again with harder pressure as his palm shifts down and over his spine.

Evan's face hovers close to his. "I'm just gonna call Bobby, and then we can pick up something to eat on the way over to your place." The upside to having something already planned is that Evan's already got a bag packed with everything he'll need to travel.

It sounds so simple, so effortless, and Tommy's throat feels tight when he swallows. He gets two fingers into Evan's belt loop before he can pull away, and Evan comes easily, stepping into the spread of Tommy's legs, forehead coming down the few inches to meet Tommy's. "You - thank you."

"Of course," Evan says, a little wry, an echo of Tommy's own favorite phrase whenever Evan gets a little caught up in the way Tommy keeps showing up for him. He gets it, now. It's been instinct, really, to be there when Evan asked, to try his damnedest to make it to the things he's promised to be there for - nothing particularly remarkable about it, in Tommy's mind, but Tommy's starting to see the larger picture. It's grounding, it's comforting, it is actually a little remarkable to be on the receiving end of it. It feels like devotion.

Tommy rolls his forehead, curls a hand up over Evan's shoulder, his neck, fingers catching in his hair, along the curl of his ear. When he blinks and meets Evan's gaze, there's something in his eyes that Tommy isn't sure either one of them is actually ready for, but then, they haven't really stumbled on their way through those things up to this point anyway. Blazed past them, maybe, but always with an understanding of what they mean while they waved at the mile marker blurring past them.

Evan squeezes at Tommy's knee. "I'm not going anywhere," he assures, and Tommy snorts.

"You're literally going to Jersey in, like, five and a half hours."

Evan huffs. "With you. I'm - you're ruining my moment, Tommy," he pouts, and if the both of them dissolve into a fit of giggles, no one has to know but them.

-----

Tommy hasn't been back here in eight years. It's been longer since he's talked to his family - he'd shown up fifteen minutes into his grandmother's funeral, slipped in to a pew at the back during mass and and skipped the wake before he found a bar and made a few bad decisions with a man who'd sat next to him four drinks in and smiled at him like the sun peeking through a billowing stormcap.

Evan presses a tentative hand to the small of Tommy's back and Tommy melts into it, pleased when the hand shifts to curl around his waist. He's apparently already rented a car, and Tommy can't quite hide the heavy sigh of gratitude at the admission - the getaway will be a lot smoother if they don't have to stand outside waiting for a ride.

He's seen Clipboard Buck in action before. The last time, he'd barely managed to get them somewhere private before he was on his knees to express his appreciation of Clipboard Buck. This is - not better, but different in a good way. It makes him feel tethered, reminds him that as crazy as it had been to accept an invitation to a wedding after a spectacular explosion of a first date, he'd been right to follow that spark he'd first felt on the tarmac while Evan Buckley shook his hand for about thirty seconds too long.

"I can help whoever's next," says a voice as Evan shuffles him along the rental line, and Tommy's gaze darts up, his posture sharpening.

Evelyn.

Christ, it's a day for reunions, Tommy guesses. They're next, actually, and Evan tilts his chin with narrowed eyes when Tommy sighs and moves to the counter.

For a second, Tommy's convinced she doesn't recognize him. She pops the gum in her mouth, bored gaze bouncing between them as Evan scrolls through his email for the confirmation number on his booking, and then her eyes go wide.

"Tom? Tom Kinard?"

Evan's eyes shift up. It's a lot more subtle than Tommy'd expected. So is the hand that squeezes at Tommy's hip in question.

Tommy curls his fingers around the hand, squeezes back. He's spent too many years on the other side of the closet door to go crawling back into the dark now.

"Hi Evie."

Tommy hasn't told this story, but he doubts Evan will be particularly surprised by it. He's heard about plenty of Tommy's other beards.

Her gaze shifts. From her spot behind the counter he doubts she's seeing much, but the anchor of Evan's arm around his waist has them sharing space, Tommy's shoulder pressed to Evan's chest, the two of them breathing the same air. Her brow ticks up behind her glasses. She's got a streak of grey along her temple, and the start of crows feet around her eyes.

Evelyn snaps her gum. "You missed the reunion," she notes, and then smiles. "Although I can't blame you if this is what you've got back at home. A large improvement on Jason Ledecky." She leans in. "He's got five kids and a truly tragic bald spot."

Evan's eyes gleam. Tommy realizes he's actually looking forward to telling this story, in the sanctuary of a rented car on the way to his uncles. Evelyn Carinni had been a godsend for a Tommy who'd shot up four inches and slimmed down over the summer after junior year -- she'd scooped him right up that first day of school when it became clear that a suddenly sharp jawline was all it took to garner the attention of the female population of Cliffside Park High, and the first time she'd whipped out her tits and seen the disinterested look on his face she'd made it her mission to make sure he made it through senior year undetected.

"You here about the will?"

Tommy pauses. "What will?"

Her eyeroll is exactly as disparaging as he remembers. "Christ, your family is a piece of work. According to Tina, who heard it from Daryl, Old Man Gio apparently had an updated will your dad tried to hide. There's been a whole lawsuit about getting it recognized."

"What the hell does that have to do with me?"

"Well, I imagine dear old granddad had a nice little end-of-life realization that the only descendant he had who didn't want any of his money was you, so as a last fuck you to all his ungrateful kids he left it all to you."

"There's no way any of that money hasn't been spent already." Not to mention he has no interest in some long drawn out court case where all his extended family has to admit they have no way to pay it back.

Evelyn hums. "A lot of it's been tied up for years. Plus there's the royalties his estate is still getting."

Tommy sighs. "My uncle made it seem like it was more serious than that."

"Is there anything more serious to them than who gets the lions share of daddy's money?" At Tommy's raised brow, she shakes her head. "Anyway, your pop might be looking at jail time, so there's always a possibility they're looking for preemptive bail money."

If he lets them, he'll tie up Evelyn for hours, standing here gossiping like teenagers. "We should have a reservation," Tommy tells her, before things get really off the rails, and they go through the motions of pulling up Evan's information. Evelyn pops her gum again.

"What a shame," she says, brow raised and eyes focused on Evan. "We promised you we had plenty of inventory in basic economy but it looks like those are all off the lot." Tommy watches Evan frown, eyes darting to the prices detailed behind her. Neither one of them is overly concerned about their savings account, at the moment, but Evan isn't fond of surprise price increases. He'd complained for a week the last time avocados had gone up thirty cents. "Looks like I'll just have to upgrade you free of charge, Mr. Buckley."

The clerk to her left shoots her an exasperated look and leaves it at that, but something happens in Evan's expression, the realization rolling over him that he's been included in some subterfuge. "Oh, well, if you have to," he says, but he's leaning his free arm against the counter now, posture open, happy to be included in this little bubble with someone who has loved and cared for Tommy. He knows the feeling -- knows how he'd had to take a deep breath at Chimney's bachelor party, when Eddie had glanced between them and implied that Evan inviting him to the karaoke bar was a date, remembers the way he'd had to dig his fingers into his thigh in the pocket of his pants to keep from being weird about how nice it was to laugh with Maddie Buckley-Han.

Evelyn chuckles, and smacks her gum, and the keys under her fingers clack away for a moment before she spins in her chair and marches off to grab something from the printer, and Evan hip checks Tommy with just enough force that Tommy sways, maybe a little overcome in the same way Tommy always is when Evan's friends, his family make it clear they like having Tommy around. He grins, and Tommy returns it, the edges of his smile bleeding into his cheeks.

Evelyn returns with contract for a sports car. "I waived the deposit fee," she intones. "For the inconvenience, sir."

Evan looks delighted as he signs off and Evelyn splits their copies. The sticky note affixed to Evan's copy has a phone number with a Jersey area code written on it, and she taps it.

"When you find out you're insanely rich and finally cut off the rest of your family completely, you two should take me out for coffee."

Evan isn't so caught up that he doesn't check in with Tommy first. It's not entirely necessary --he likes Evelyn, and Evan can clearly tell that -- but it's nice, all the same.

"How about a steak dinner," Tommy negotiates, and Evelyn's grin goes wide.

-----

As it turns out, Grandpa Gio was a petty little bastard with a penchant for dramatics, and according to a court of law his aunts and uncles (and father) owe him close to two million dollars, between them.

"I don't want it," Tommy confesses, laid out on the hotel bed that night, still too loose-limbed to move as Evan putters around in the bathroom, wetting a washcloth and brushing his teeth.

Evan looms over him a moment later, warm towel running over the ridges of Tommy's stomach, the rise of his pectorals. Christ, he'd shot off like a goddamn missile. Evan bites his lip to hide a grin when the towel catches on the underside of Tommy's chin.

"I'm assuming you're talking about the money," Evan says, folding the towel over itself to give him one last rubdown. "It seemed like you liked the sex."

Tommy shifts, tugging at Evan's wrist until he settles in beside Tommy. With the remains of his energy, he slings a leg over Evan's and rolls himself into the cradle of Evan's embrace. "That was never a question."

Evan maintains the silence for a grand total of thirty-seven seconds. It's longer than Tommy had expected. "So your family." Tommy hums, already tracing the edges of the tattoo on Evan's forearm. "Kind of dicks."

The snort of laughter settles into Evan's still-sweaty temples, and Tommy shifts to press his nose into the damp curls there. He'd been so hesitant to share this part of himself with Evan, but as always, Evan had forged on ahead like there was nothing in the world he'd rather do than provide the landing spot for Tommy to settle down his gear once the storm passed.

"Took me twenty years and a boatload of therapy to train that out of me. I'm still --." Tommy pauses, the usual self-deprecating comment stuck on the tip of his tongue, because for once, it doesn't feel like an effort to be nothing like them. He'd spent so long hiding in the shadow of the asshole his family had taught him how to be, and dragging himself out into the sunlight always felt like a struggle.

But it hadn't felt like an effort, really -- to hold Evan's hand under the judgemental gaze of ten cousins and four aunts and uncles, to stand tall and stick to the barest edges of polite while the room erupted into chaos the moment his father opened his mouth to defend himself, to excuse himself and tuck his arm over Evan's shoulder on the way out the door.

He can still remember the dazed way Evan had responded to that first kiss, while Tommy busied himself tugging the hem of his shirt back down, too nervous to look at him while he asked him out. The way he'd looked, when Tommy'd been brave enough to glance up, eyes a little glazed, mouth still open, and told him he was free.

At the time, Tommy'd been furiously convincing himself not to lean in for another kiss, fully aware he'd make himself late to work if he allowed himself another taste, but the memory had lingered the rest of the shift. In the days after, once he'd had a clearer picture of exactly how wide he'd just blown open Evan's world, he'd thought of it often.

I am free.

Tommy turns his face to meet Evan's gaze, nose dragging across his cheek, lips aching to find a home against Evan's again, but he catches his eyes first, slides a hand up over Evan's arm, shoulder, neck, until he can curl his fingers over his jaw, thumb tucking in to the little dimple as Evan grins at him. "Thank you for coming."

Evan sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, tongue darting out to wet the top one, a mischievous gleam in his eye, but he lets the dumb joke go, gaze shifting into something more serious as he drums his fingers along Tommy's bare hip. "Thanks for letting me," Evan murmurs back, and Tommy knows they need to talk about that sentiment in more detail, but for now he'd rather roll Evan on top of him and slide his tongue past the seam of Evan's lips.

Evan doesn't seem to have any complaints.

[ramblingroommate]

Part 3 (part 1 & part 2)

Only his fourth month on the job? Oh he’s new new, that’s interesting! And explains why he’s taking this so bad, poor baby

I have to say this also puts that whole stealing the truck thing in a different context. From the way they were talking I was under the impression he had a long history of doing things like that (like he had been working with them for a year or two), but he just started working there so it probably was the first time he did something so dumb. He fucked up once Bobby let it slide, he did it a second time he fired him. Oh my god he got fired after four months on the job

It was deserved but still. It also makes sense that he was so sorry about everything and said he realized in that moment how much he cared for the job.

Oh baby no don’t say that. Yikes.

He’s taking the guy’s death so hard and it’s clear he’s angry because he wishes he could have saved him, but going to his funeral and telling his sister it’s his own fault he died that’s just… oof

Yeaaah, that’s pretty much what I expected after what Buck said. Still hurts tho

This episode has been brutal on Buck

I LOVE how Bobby handled this. He knew immediately what was off but didn’t address it while on the job and with a person’s life on the line. Too often this kind of shows do exactly that to up the tension, but it always takes me out. This reaction just feels more realistic to me.

And now they address it! Love it.

Also “I know I let you down”? They really want me to feel for Buck, huh? Cause it’s working

LOVE this scene where they communicate without talking. I’m actually really liking this episode in general! It already feels like a step up from the first one.

It probably has to do with the much more realistic calls and discussions they are having, they’re more my cup of tea

Buck tried out for the Navy SEALs, interesting tidbit of backstory. I like when info get sprinkled in like this, instead of being dumped all at the same time when a storyline requires it.

Also really liked the explanation of something as horrifically tough as the navy seals giving him trouble not for the physical torture of it all but because of the emotional repression required

If Buck is one thing it is a caring person who takes things at heart. Makes sense he dropped out because he couldn’t be just a machine

This is Buck’s character in a nutshell. Wanting to be cool and tough yes, but most of all wanting to help.

I have to say it’s interesting to see which characters they are focusing on and developing more in these first two episode. Bobby is probably number one, closely followed by Buck and Abby. Maybe it’s all those Bs in their names lol

Talking about going to therapy after a traumatic event? In a tv drama? IS THIS A FUCKING MIRACLE?

I’m shocked, these shows -almost every show actually- usually pretend they’ve never heard of therapy so they can keep their characters traumatized and the tension high

You and most men, honey. It’s cultural upbringing

Also, that’s an extremely attractive therapist… are they going to get together later down the line? I hope not

Wait what? We just… cut away?

Alright, I get it. They’re going back and forth between Buck’s therapy and Athena and her husband’s.

I got really confused there for a moment lol

So her main grievance is that Michael made her feel like a fool and not that he lied to her for decades.

….

Actually, I love that lol. It makes sense with her character: as a proud black woman on the force, she probably has had to use her confidence as a shield for quite a long time. The last thing she wants is show everyone that she was blindsided and “fooled” by her own husband

Oww that’s actually really sweet. When she’s out of her uniform she shows a much more compassionate side. I like that the show is drawing this difference very clearly

It also makes the whole “I always knew you were gay” trope (which I usually hate) a little bit better in this case

And we’re back with Buck! I have to say I’m not loving this back and forth, I forget what they were talking about by the time we switch back. The talks on their own are really well done which is why I don’t want to lose any pieces

This also makes more sense: they have lost people since Buck joined but it was more along the lines of “we got there and there was nothing we could do”. Now that I think about it didn’t a woman jump in the first episode? But in that case Buck wasn’t directly involved. This was the first time they got there in time, he got involved, did everything right and the guy still died. It probably feels very unfair (like “I did everything right, why didn’t he do his part?”)

Okay Michael has my attention now! I didn’t really care about him in the first episode, I don’t know why. He just felt kinda… off? His behavior just came off as weird to me. Too forcefully happy and positive. It’s okay to be happy because you finally feel comfortable enough coming out, but you’re also an adult and know this change won’t be easy on your children right away and might take some time getting used to. He was acting like he expected everyone to be over the moon for him and celebrate right away (I understand wanting to be accepted but you’re basically telling your children their parents are getting a divorce, pump the brakes).

This conversation makes me like him a lot more tho, peels back that mask of forced optimism and reveals some of his hardships

Also he has a boyfriend!!! Things get spicy

I was wondering when we would get here! Buck definitely blames him which is a natural response/defense mechanism to that kind of traumatic event. It’s also true that there may be a million different reasons why that guy decided to let go and we’ll never truly know. Sometimes not knowing is what makes us get stuck, prevents us from moving on. But we do need to move on anyway. I wonder how they’ll go about this

…

This is not what I was expecting

And now they’re having sex… why do you do this to me? It was going so well, I actually let myself hope they wouldn’t do this. It was an empty dream, if there is a young attractive woman in a show then she’s going to have sex, no matter how unprofessional

“I feel so much better” yeah because you used sex to feel better in the moment and avoid taking a deeper look at the underlying problem.

Is this trying to hint again at Buck being a possible sex addict? I’m still confused about that

Is the rope attached to the guy in the show or is that for the stunt and was left in?

It’s not present in the next scene so definitely a stunt rope that wasn’t hidden! I like when I can catch small mistakes in shows

Also this whole scene was hilarious

I love Bobby’s approach to the whole situation. The first time he noticed Buck’s hesitation he didn’t push, talked to him privately and gently, recommended he talk to a therapist and now he starts to push him (still gently) to get over his fear. Loving Bobby’s character so far

Aaaaand I need to make a part 4 because I reached the pics limit 🥲

Will definitely need to change some things around for next episode so I don’t do so many parts

[curio-queries]

I just like reading your thoughts on things, so I'm curious, do you think bts will leave hybe when their contracts end in 2025?

Before 2024, or even just earlier this year, I would've said that question was ridiculous because why in the world would they, but as more comes out related to the legal battle with mhj about what is going on behind the scenes at the company and their incompetency (the leaked document today is especially damning which painted a target on jimn's back while admitting they do nothing about the hate the boys get that gets reported to them), handling of yoongi's situation, jungkook speaking out in a way that did not explicitly support the company, basically ass promotion for their work (the company has learned to rely too heavily on fans doing the footwork for bts), etc. it is kind of making me wonder. K-army across the board pretty much hate hybe and have for a while, everything that comes out just deepens their hate. I do think bts are in a weird position because a lot of the issues are coming from hybe, rather than BH and they seem very close with a lot of the staff who are also intertwined in all this. I also have no idea where they'd go. More and more kpop idols are leaving their agencies and starting their own, but I doubt bts wants to deal with all the business stuff.

Idk, 9 months ago I wouldn't have even considered this question, now I really don't know based on everything we're learning about the company. I do feel bad for jin though, hybe/BH mess plus yoongi's situation have kept bts' name being constantly dragged through the mud since he was discharged. I've been an army since 2016/2017 and I don't think I've experienced a period this bad. I hope all the boys are doing ok right now, I've seen some people say they're glad in they're in the military right now just to be away from all this, but at the same time I imagine it feels awful to be that helpless watching this stuff go down and you can't speak out or defend yourself or each other.

Hi anon,

Thank-you for sending this in; I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you with my answer though...or non-answer more like.

So, the short answer to your question is that I choose to have no opinion. I'll put the reason why below a cut so anyone not interested can pass:

There was a vlogbrothers video years ago about the concept of giving up having opinions on things and I've fully embraced this idea. Basically the idea is making an active decision to not hold an opinion on something. The example they give I think was about other people's m&m flavour preference? Something like that? But have you ever had the experience where someone shares a benign preference like them preferring the peanut m&ms over all of the other flavours and someone else respond with shock about they could prefer different one from you. Having an opinion on someone else's preference over something so trivial adds absolutely no value to your own life experience so it's just wasted energy.

Once I started noticing these kinds of inconsequential opinions that I was holding, and had practice in giving them up, I was also better able to recognize situations where an opinion on my part would just disturb my personal peace unnecessarily.

Back to your question about BTS possibly moving companies in light of the current drama. This is such a large issue that requires some specific insight. At minimum, here's what I would want to consult with an someone more knowledgeable on:

Landscape of the music industry in Korea both past and present

BTS's involvement in the actual hierarchy of the companies involved.

Knowledge of the current events surrounding the investigation

Confidence in the quality of translations

Cultural context

There's more but this is what's sticking in my brain right now. And all of these areas are so far outside the scope of my knowledge that I realized just how much work it would be for me to even feel somewhat confident and informed in making an opinion. When everything started unfolding, I had to make a conscious decision whether to dig in enough that I could get to that point. I recognized that I just don't have the energy or time to really do my due diligence in this area.

My engagement in kpop beyond just listening to the music is wholly an escape. If it ever gets to the point where I'm not ultimately being uplifted, I will stop engaging. Life is hard enough as it is without adding further burden from something that's supposed to be entertainment. So I'm purposefully not planning to delve further into these speculations.

I will give one piece of advice for anyone that is engaging in this. Be very mindful of the sources that you are listening to and try to become aware of what they may have to gain from presenting the events from either perspective. There was a while where I was getting fed some videos of people talking about it in my algorithms but there was always something that didn't sit right with the various viewpoints being presented, no matter which side was presenting it.

I've definitely seen some parallels between this situation and the endless 'discussions' regarding whether the members would receive exemption from their military service. It was so peaceful no longer being subject to that topic once the announcement was made.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on the subject. I hope you find some people that are able to engage in this discussion in the way you're looking.

[measurelessdreamer]

Do you talk in your sleep?

My mom said it scared her when I was first in need of a toothfairy because she walked in the room and I started talking. Well my sister who I shared a room with at the time, responded. Yes we were both asleep but we would have nonsense conversations.

My husband has also witnessed the sleep talk. When we were first married and he worked until 4 am, he came home and I said something so he started telling me about work and realized at some point I was not responding in ways that really made sense so he asked if I was awake and I told him no, he asked if I was going to remember this in the morning and I said no. Well I was right on both counts lol.

I don't think I really talk in my sleep much anymore because I struggle with sleep now, used to be if I was asleep a car wreck could happen nearby or the barn could catch on fire and have firetrucks show up and I would not wake up, and I have to be so very deep asleep to talk. Yes those are both real events I slept through.

I also know my younger older brother used to talk in his sleep too. Just not sure of my oldest brother.

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

So sorry for the delay on your asks! I'm horrible. To my knowledge I don't talk in my sleep, but I snore, so I guess it evens out haha. My best friend talks in their sleep, though I never tried talking to them, but I witnessed it. They would say very random shit and I would get scared because sometimes it sounded relevant, like there was this one time when I had to stay up late for an exam and my best friend was already asleep and I think I was partly stressed because I was trying not to make any noise to wake them up. They are light sleepers and our dorm room is very small so we hear everything and I was being self-conscious about how much noise I was making because my best friend has sleeping problems and I wanted them to get some sleep. I think that I made a bit more noise at some point, like, I bumped my leg against my desk very loudly and they said "Well?" very judgmentally and it was so sudden that I nearly lost my shit haha. It was just so quiet and very late and I didn't want them to wake up and this just scared the shit out of me because I wanted them to sleep and I thought I woke them up, but luckily no. I told them about it the next day and they found it very funny, especially since we are not native speakers of English and they found it funny that they talked in English in their sleep because it hadn't happened to them before.

I think it's hilarious that you are capable of having conversations with someone while sleeping. I laughed at your exchange with your husband, but I think if I was your husband, I would freak out. I'm just the freaking-out kind of person in this context sadly haha.

I also have trouble sleeping. Like, I can fall asleep very easily, but I wake up multiple times per night usually and while I don't have trouble falling back asleep most of the time, the sleep feels sort of unsatisfying because of all the waking up. It really doesn't take a lot for me to wake up and be very much conscious right away. Before, I used to require more time to actually find myself in a fully functioning state, but these days, I'm just alert right away and it sucks when I want to sleep because I instantly start thinking about all I have to do the following day and I get stressed and that keeps me from sleep. It's hard. I miss the days when sleeping used to be easier, but I don't think I would be able to sleep through a car wreck, like, ever in my life. That is some superpower.

Thank you so much for the ask! ^^

[hollygl125]

On rabbit holes and fanfic (in my own life):

*This is a note I wrote for AO3/FFN, but I’ve been meaning for a while to write a post on how I—a member of the Oregon Trail generation—wound up signing up for Tumblr in January 2022, and this kind of hints at that, so I thought I might as well share it here, too.*

What follows is a TMI note on why I can’t make any promises on when the next chapter of this story will be up; please read or don’t, as pleases you.  I would like to state first, though, what I also state at the bottom of this note: thank you so, so, so very much for reading; your kind support means more than I can tell you.

So, I’m, ah… not very good at all this.

Two years ago now, as I was doing a “CSI as love story” rewatch and falling far, far, far down the GSR rabbit hole, I was also falling deep into ADHD burnout and overwhelming anxiety (without, at the time, realizing that I had either ADHD or a lifetime of anxiety).  By the time spring 2022 rolled around, I was lacking executive functioning abilities for even basic tasks, while my mind sought solace or dopamine or whatever it was with—you guessed it—these two lovely science nerds.

I read hundreds and hundreds of GSR fics, without managing to leave a single, solitary comment/review.  (I wanted to comment!  I couldn’t!  I’m not saying commenting would have killed me, but I just couldn’t do it; I wouldn’t have been able to continue reading if it were required, and obsessing over these two science nerds was basically all my mind could handle.  So when I tell you that I get that commenting can be too much sometimes, I get it.  I should also note my eternal gratitude to all the amazing GSR fic writers who—unknowingly—helped me during this time.)

I occasionally questioned whether I might try writing something about these science nerds, but I always dismissed that pretty quickly.  I’d never willingly undertaken a creative writing project in my life (unless you count my last dog’s Instagram).  For added context, until 2022, I had last (and first, for that matter) previously read fan fiction in the mid-2000s, when my favourites on The West Wing were taking their own sweet time.  So in January 2022, while desperate for more GSR content, I was like, “Is fanfic still a thing?  Is there GSR fanfic?”  I literally started by googling “GSR fan fiction.”  I’d never even heard of AO3 or FFN; I think the fic for The West Wing had been on Yahoo! Groups.

But I had all these romantic scenarios and headcanons and such constantly running through my head, and I was getting tired of having to recreate the dialogue for them every night as I fell asleep.  So eventually, in late June 2022, I thought maybe I should try writing something down—at some point in the future, once I’d had more time to prepare.  Naturally the next day my brain was like, no, now, now, we’re doing this now.  I had no conscious say in the matter.  I wasn’t sure whether I was going to post anything, but apparently I was going to write it.

I had a lot of fun writing out so many of my thoughts and feeling and hopes and dreams for our two lovely science nerds, and pretty soon I had a draft for this series of stories (although it was only a fraction of what I have now written).  I started posting the first story in September 2022.  Luckily I got to participate in a (also luckily, not very mentally taxing) overseas professional placement for several months at the end of 2022, and this was a welcome distraction from *everything else* about my life.

When I got home in winter 2023, the anxiety returned in full force.  I got an ADHD diagnosis, but neither that nor the anxiety are effectively managed yet.  And, truth be told, posting these stories gives me a lot of anxiety.  It’s sort of been a weekly cycle of posting, feeling very anxious about it for several days, talking myself back to a place of peace, getting ready to post again, posting again, rinse, repeat.  Sometimes I’ve found myself feeling too anxious to post, and the chapter/story in question has been pushed back by a week.

So I wasn’t exactly feeling great about the posting process, but I was still determined to proceed.  I had a posting schedule that would have seen me finish posting this story by the end of November (last month) then post the remaining four shorter stories over the next couple months.  (A few of them are synced to dates/times of year: the winter holidays and February, i.e., the anniversary of the AAFS conference.) But then, with the last chapter I posted, I was just too anxious/unhappy.  This may have been because I’d slightly accelerated my posting schedule and hadn’t left myself enough time to process everything; I’m not sure.  But I found myself looking at Tumblr gifs of our two lovely science nerds and feeling sad and resentful, not happy, and I realized that, if I continued on as I was doing at the time, I was going to destroy both my deep love of the characters and my own happy place.

So I told myself that I didn’t have to keep posting now—that, as much as I was determined to have the complete series of stories posted, I could do it in months or in a year or some other time when no one was left to read it; honestly, that thought made me feel a lot better.  But then I decided maybe I didn’t have to wait quite so long—that I could try posting once per month or something like that.  On the upside, I tell myself, this should also leave time for me to respond to comments more promptly and to go engage with other writers’ stories.  (I managed to go back and read and comment on a handful of stories this summer.  Commenting still gives me a lot of anxiety; at one point I felt like I almost gave myself a panic attack.  But I’m going to try to work at it.)  As of this morning, I have responded to all comments on these stories, including to comments by guests/people who aren’t logged in (unless I thought the comment was from a bot!).

I can’t promise when the next chapter will be posted.  My goal is for next month, but it really depends on how I feel after posting this one and how I feel next month.  I do hope you’ll come back to read it, though!

If you’ve read this far—both in this series and in this note—thank you so very much!  You certainly didn’t need to know all the information in this note, but I needed to share it, if you get what I mean.

Thank you so, so, so very much for reading and for your kind kudos, comments, follows, faves, and reviews.  Supportive comments/reviews always, always, always make my day.  Your support for this series of stories is truly what has allowed me to get even this far in posting these stories, and I appreciate it all more than I can tell you. 💛💛💛

[sonkitty]

The Pocket Trick: Basics - LINK - Update

-Updated Introduction. There are a lot of changes, so it's best to just read it. If you still don't want to bother, the most important things are that I removed "hit me like a ton of bricks" and instead worded things as this Trick "snowballs" into an increasing realization about its profound impact on so much else.

-Also, my understanding of the clothing touch requirement has reached that it helps find the touches to begin with since advanced pocket mechanics extend over so much else in the game.

-Reworded this part of the summary from saying, "I don't know what's really happening here" to, "I have a limited understanding of what's happening here, but I know things are happening."

-Redid quite a bit of the "Definitely Not a Summary", probably worth quoting here:

Definitely Not a Summary Now for the long stuff that's still just helping lay the groundwork. There is a lot going on. This Trick part of a game, and this part of this game is something I very much struggle with. I have often said I am defeated by this thing. I am defeated in the sense that I can't explain every little bit of every finer mechanic happening. I still pieced together some significant parts, and that's worth something. I'm not going to throw away all my progress by deleting my save, so I'm still keeping and sometimes updating this post anyway. Despite my complaints and frustrations, The Pocket Trick is my strongest assurance that the Earthly Objects game is a game and it does exist. It's given me some laughs along the way too. I'm still taking breaks and if I actually do think of a way to go further, I take the time to do so.

Even so, I am going to miss things because it is really hard to pay attention to everything when you don't really know what's going on but know enough to sense something's going on. It just is. Crowley's dark clothes and the show's lighting make this part of the game difficult. My own PC wasn't the best to use for the visuals either, but I have finally found a way to adjust the brightness in a more suitable way. The way this Threshold Trick works, a player has to be willing to check things frame by frame. It helps to be willing to do things like brighten a screenshot or draw a line from one place to the other too.

-Minor rewording in The Door Trick section

-Updated The Bigger Thresholds Trick section, best to just read it, but if you've been keeping up my Sideburns Scheme posts and read the one about the pub visit, it'll sound familiar.

-Updating wording in Tied Hands section to say "imaginary mirror" instead of "initiating invisible mirror". I also removed the link to The Rainbow Connection Part 4 and just noted to go read the Rainbow Connection section for more.

-I've started capitalizing Touch Point.

-Various re-wording in the apparel sections.

-For the watch in particular, I noted it might be what's helping the Tied Hands stay tied in the Single.

-For the Belt Head in particular, I removed the first two sentences. I also added "for a potential three heads at once" when going over whatever special job it seems to have during the Triple of the Heaven elevator.

-Updated the shoes section to note the two times they appear in these touches and that they are also part of the set of clues about The Door Catch's Ground Zero cut.

-Added that there is a possible rule Crowley isn't allowed to smile during these pocket touches.

-Removed "I'm not going to say "pocket frame" every time. I'm either talking about a frame for a video or the frame in which Crowley is being placed. However,"; I'm actually quite mindful of when I say each lately and hopefully when I forget, a reader can figure it out from the context.

-Added the following to the Pocket Puzzle section, "In addition to finding the particular Touch Point, the puzzles are about discovering the mechanics at work, such as the existence of the Tied Hands and Overhead Lights."

-Removed saying the rainbows in The Door Trick and The Window Trick stand out as if they are giving some power to Crowley. That could still be true, but I wanted more focus on the rainbows or non-rainbows for all of the Threshold Tricks.

-Added, "The Bigger Thresholds Trick, The Door Trick, and The Window Trick also have rainbows. The Sunglasses Trick receives a reflection of white light, theoretically due to its layering. The Perfect Entrance Trick doesn't get one, and I've excused it on the grounds that the Rainbow Connection described below hadn't initiated yet."

-Updated the follow sections: Overhead Lights, Imaginary Pocketing, Reflective Surfaces. Best to just read or skim them.

-Added a new Hidden Messages section:

Hidden Messages The Pocket Trick has hidden messages. They aren't necessarily found within The Pocket Trick itself. Some can be found by realizing the scale of impact this Threshold Trick has on the rest of Earthly Objects and the Threshold Tricks. I will note them as best I can in my various Earthly Objects posts. Here are some links and words that mention them: The tie strands are connected to the hands because they are Crowley's Tied Hands. The Metatron makes mistakes. The Door Catch Ground Zero: "Here goes nothing." Pay attention to the pockets.

...

Updated the Links description to note that I am considering redoing the posts if I can come up with a better format for my limited understanding of what's happening.

...

I'm getting closer and closer to The Pocket Trick actually starting when going over the Crowley scene-by-scene posts for the Sideburns Scheme, so having those posts improved would be helpful.

[kaylapocalypse]

The scenes in “strain” and “foam” in Icarus have changed things for me a lot and I’d like to thank you. That was the first time I’ve really had to evaluate a belief I didn’t know I had, which is that I can’t be strong and be cared for back in a lot of ways. I have EDS too and all the things Helios offered I’ve offered to other people but it never even occurred to me I guess that no one had ever offered them to me. Reading him say those things felt so visceral and strange and like he was pulling those things from my throat and my muscles and I had to take a break to cry. I realized that I believed that that wasn’t something anyone would ever offer me, and further that I couldn’t be offered it as I am. That in the role I always step into in everything in my life I prioritize my own competence over needs and that my responsibility to the other people requires me to be strong and unmoved by whatever is happening to me and do what the other person wants and needs (which I’ve known is not good and have been working on and the wicker king was normal for me or whatever people say to imply a life changing experience lmao, Ty for that too! I read it coming out of a friend breakup and after discovering I have terrible codependency issues and it was a terrifying mirror that I’ve used to put a lot of my behavior into context when I notice destructive and codependent things I’m doing. Been raised in a family that loves horror and was like huh this is the scariest thing I’ve read actually, other thrillers take note). I fully didn’t realize I could be the one climbing walls and also be physically cared for with my disabilities and that someone could let me be strong around them and for them and also let me be hurt and have needs and offer help. I’ve never even imagined that someone would notice those things about me, I always figured that if I needed help I would have to communicate it which I think is likely but like. I notice things about others and it never occurred to me that I could find someone who wanted to care about me in those ways too. Life changing, now I’m like hey dude btw did you know that you can be loved and someone could let you love them in the ways you need and let you help them and be solid and strong for them and also let you be fragile and support you and could see you and I’m always like [crying] what are you talking about but!!! I think it’s very true I just had never thought about it and why I believe otherwise bc I didn’t even know I didn’t think I could have an experience like that. But yeah, Icarus and Helios and you showed me that I held a very unhealthy belief and have given me so much more hope and also so gently explained to my soul it’s okay to be weak and strong and let me relax and work on changing things for myself and while I’ve known about a lot of stuff in this vein of myself and have gotten so much better I wasn’t aware of this and now I am and I’m changing and healing. Seeing a character offered what I need and it being explained to him his life could include rest and care and him having a disability in common with me was so cathartic and Helios just. Noticing him. Understanding he’s in agony AND he’s still navigating through it. Icarus not having to try to convince him at any point that he’s in pain, Helios just understanding. It really gave me a different understanding of how I want my life to be and healed things in me and taught me a lot and I don’t know how to thank you or even explain what it’s given me. Thank you so much

I’m in the middle of a really rough manuscript and this gave me so much strength to finish it. Thank you for taking the time to share this with me.

Im so happy that you read Icarus and that those chapters meant so much to you. I really hope that you are given the opportunity to meet people who want to give these things to you and understand that you deserve to be loved with generosity.

[psychewritesbs]

Hola capaa~~ argentina y entusiasta de Clamp, JJK y Sonny Boy sos todo❣️❣️

I absolutely love all your psych analysis!! I was wondering if you’d like to write a little about Gojo’s relationship with Megumi, like what he views him as. I know there’s a lot of discourse about whether megumi views him as a father/brother/uncle/mentor/guardián but I’d like to read about Gojo’s probable view.

Saludos de CABA❤️

Hola hola! Mucho gusto ♥!

Dear CABAnon... I just need you to know that your ask is an amazing question that required so much fun and multilayered brainrot.

So thank you for the ask and thank you so much for your kind comments. I will write in English in case anyone else wants to read this word vomit but will say hello in Español at the end of this post.

I'm also so glad you're a CLAMP enthusiast too because I'm going to drop clamptastic moments to illustrate points. My heart rejoices in knowing you'll get it.

So without further ado...

Gojo + Megumi. Let's brainrot...

Also... I may or may not have written a whole analysis post only to realize that I wasn't necessarily answering your question so I ended up deleting most of what I had written.

Hence the delay...

Ok procrastination, attention deficit disorder, and my overall slow temperament might have had something to do with it too. So thank you as well for your patience! 😂

ANY-WAYS!

I've written about my thoughts on this relationship from Megumi's perspective in the past, but I feel like my thoughts could use some more nuance given everything we've seen of this dynamic as of late.

What I'll start by saying is that Gojo isn't a character I spend a lot of time brain rotting about, so I may only scratch the surface of my interpretation of him, or perhaps even mischaracterize him a bit *gasp*.

That to say that in order to answer your question, we kind of have to peel back the layers of this dynamic.

So let's start by taking an in-depth look at Gojo:

Gojo Satoru is human af

Ok so... names have meaning in JJK, right?

So given how popular he is in the JJK-fandom, I am assuming it is common knowledge that his name, and the kanji in his name, alludes to an enlightened being.

In other words, Gojo is a bodhisattva--an enlightened being who is able to enter Nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion for others and their suffering.

But here's the thing...

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Carl Jung

What is interesting about Gojo is that, despite his exalted spiritual status as the personification of a bodhisattva, he is actually VERY human.

For one, in relational dynamic to others he keeps others at a safe distance. Like that's literally part of how his Cursed Technique manifests, which is a beautiful example of how Cursed Technique can be a metaphor for the sense of self.

Second, Gojo CARES SO MUCH AND SO DEEPLY, it is actually shown how his emotional entanglements are one of his main weaknesses.

Now, for context, consider that emotional entanglements are a form of self-related attachment and that, in very simple terms, the goal of enlightenment is to transcend attachments that might hold the sense of self back from Nirvana.

Third, Gojo is a direct product of the society he is a part of since he does carry the burden of The Strongest / The Chosen One.

It's almost like Gojo's clown externalized persona is an attempt to add some much needed comic relief to the self-definition others have given him. An attempt to lessen the heavy burden of what it means for others to think of him and define him as The Strongest.

Now, what does strength/power mean in JJK? Overwhelming sense of self which is the byproduct of self-knowledge.

So I headcanon that it is precisely because he knows he is The Strongest, that, true to his character archetype as a bodhisattva, Gojo seeks to alleviate the suffering of others. Thus, his actions in an attempt to alleviate suffering are the result of his nature.

And here's the fun twist: Gojo seeks to do so through "power".

Now let's add Megumi to the mix.

Issai shujo to tomo ni

To answer your question, in addition to understanding Gojo's nature as a compassionate being driven by his attachment to others, we have to consider his actions and motivations.

Gojo bringing Megumi under his wing is an interesting rabbit hole for many reasons.

So let's start with the idea behind the theme issai shujo to tomo ni (“together with all sentient beings”—regardless of what hell one might fall into).

Consider that "it’s not enough for a bodhisattva of the Mahayana to just uphold the precepts. There are times when you have to break them, too. It’s just that when you do, you have to do so with the resolve of also being willing to accept whatever consequences might follow" (source).

To put it in JJK-words, how is Gojo abusing his position of power to further his own agenda?

Basically, it's a major red flag in terms of how Gojo might initially see Megumi as a means to pushing his own agenda for seeking power in order to fulfill his function as bodhisattva.

It's just that Gojo, as the adult in the dynamic, consciously and willingly manipulated Megumi into something that was beneficial for the both of them.

In other words, this is a red flag because Gojo, the adult, acted like a child and gave Megumi, the child, an adult choice.

This might loosely remind you of this fantastic meme and the context behind it:

(Source: noa-ciharu's fantastic talent for shitposting).

I just wanted to use the meme because it's about someone taking advantage of someone else's lack of psychological maturity.

As a side note, this also made me realize just how much JJK is exploring the idea that people's vulnerabilities get exploited by those who are in positions of power.

The thing is that Gojo could have just as easily ignored Megumi or reported him to the authorities. But he didn't do that, did he?

Instead he took Megumi under his wing and groomed him to become a tool that could help him change the Jujutsu-scheme of things. You could look at this and think "that's awful!" and you can also look at this and think "yes, it's shady, AND Gojo was also looking to help Megumi maximize his highest destiny and potential." More on this in a bit.

This is relevant because it says a lot about Gojo's "humanity" and the lengths he will go to for the sake of his goal and desire to alleviate the suffering of others.

Again, Gojo gave Megumi a choice Megumi should not have had to make. I have a 9 year old nephew, so I'm all for giving children choices so that they can develop their own sense of self. But the choices have to be age appropriate.

In other words, the adult in the room, Gojo, anticipated and used Megumi's innocence and love for Tsumiki as leverage to manipulate a specific response from Megumi that would benefit the both of them.

Which brings us to the next layer...

Noblesse Oblige

I think that because I come from a last name De los Reyes, I LOVE and deeply resonate with this term.

It's so...

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Voltaire

This is where the rabbit hole gets fun because, were it not for Toji's last words to Gojo, Megumi and Gojo might have never crossed paths.

And is there anything more clamptastic than the idea that inevitable emotional entanglements are the result of fate bringing people together?

The question this brings up for me is... even though Toji gave Gojo the choice (here we have choice as a theme again) to do as he pleased, can we consider this to be a curse that Toji put on Gojo seeing as these were his last words to him?

So the fact that Gojo chose to follow through with Toji's last words is the stuff of tragedy given we've already seen that Gojo's weakness are his emotional entanglement to others. And now that Sukuna has taken over Megumi's body... well... should we brace for tragedy?

But I digress...

The point of this layer is to introduce the idea that perhaps Gojo is someone who fosters strength / power in others through self-knowledge, both for the sake of his own agenda, and also because of the idea behind noblesse oblige--with great power comes great responsibility.

In other words, consider Megumi's theme in the sense that it would have been a complete waste of the talent he was born with, the prized family jewel worthy of one chosen by fate, to be squandered away in a lifetime spent fighting bullies.

Did Gojo see Megumi's worth only in terms of his family's name and his Cursed Technique? I think initially that might have been the case.

There's definitively something to be said about how Jujutsu society as a whole is a microcosm for the toxic Capitalist zeitgeist that permeates our world where our worth is measured against what we can do rather than for the mere fact that we are alive.

But... that's the thing, even if Gojo, as a product of his environment who is ironically seeking to upturn the very system that gave him the power that he has... Gojo is still Gojo, and Gojo is human af.

And for someone who is as enlightened as he is...

To blind himself to this truth about himself, to keep others at a safe distance in an attempt to lessen those emotional entanglements... well, it is kind of tragic, isn't it?

My precious student

I could have literally written this section only and called it a day but like... where's the fun in not word vomitting?

I have to say that I am loving how Gege is starting to tie loose ends. Promises he made early on in the manga are starting to unfold before our eyes.

For Gojo, the Hidden Inventory arc sets the stage for seeing just how much Gojo cares and the lengths that he will go through to alleviate the suffering of others because of how deeply compassionate he is.

So there is no doubt in my mind that Gojo CARES for Megumi deeply and holds Megumi in high regard both intellectually and emotionally.

Like... even if the way he recruited Megumi can be considered shady, I personally think it's in Gojo's nature to care deeply.

As a result I personally like the idea that Gojo came to care for, know and understand Megumi deeply. I should probably open a thesaurus to find a synonym for deeply, I've used that word like 5 times already.

I also think that Gojo sees in Megumi a mirror of himself given their fate has been somewhat defined by their respective Cursed Techniques. There's actually a lot of parallels in their behavior if you look closely.

Now, one of the biggest questions in fandom has been what life was like growing up in the Fushiguro household and what it was like to grow up under Gojo's tutelage.

So I love that Gege has finally given us a sneak peek at that dynamic because it sheds light into the answer to your question.

To me the panels above might show how Gojo approached fostering Megumi's talent. I could be wrong, but I get major "let's go for a walk so I can teach you something" vibes.

And like... I can't imagine how Gojo could have possibly avoided getting attached to Megumi if he basically saw him grow up. Whether he was around every day or came and went is the stuff of head canons.

But I definitively think there's a lot of love between these two characters and that Gojo sees Megumi not just as a student whose power he needs to foster through self-knowledge, but also as a protégé that was entrusted to him.

Now... given emotional entanglement is one of Gojo's major weaknesses, it makes me wonder what Gege is going to do once he lets Gojo out of the prison realm.

It makes me wonder what lengths Gojo will go through to alleviate Megumi's suffering.

Spanglish alert!

Merci a ma chérie (@justafrenchlondoner) for being a sounding board to help me answer this loaded question. We both loved the brainrot that ensued because of it.

Finalmente...

EAAAAA! Mucho gusto CABAnon!

Así es! Soy entusiasta de clamp, JJK, y Sonny Boy! Me encanta q t gusten a ti tb! The trifecta of perfection if you ask me. Lo único differente es q soy Mexicana pero al fin de cuenta, esa diferencia importa poco :)

Espero halla podido contestar tu pregunta... jeje... con eso d q me fui por una tangente q ni al caso me tardé un poco mas de lo esperado pero la vdd disfruté mucho contestando tu pregunta.

Espero escuchar de ti y tus pensamientos al respecto d nuevo!

Saludos desde mi pedacito en el Desierto de Chihuahua, victoria la psicoloca.

[writing-with-gremworm]

Wriothesley is a sad, wet cat man.

This is exactly the type of thing to share here. So, Wriothesley is a sad, wet cat man. (Note: I imagine any Genshin with my OC's is an alternate Genshin universe)

NOTE:

Profanity

Some slightly suggestive mentions

OC x Character rundown

Feel free to take concepts from this to apply to your own ships though, I think sad cat man Wriothesley is hilarious.

Let me elaborate.

First, recently I've developed an OC who is a part of the Fontaine underground as an information dealer. They lost their arms at some point and they were replaced with mechanical ones so now they wield a claymore more as a lever for their kicks than as an actual claymore. This is only relevant here because it ties into something specific about sad wet cat man Wriothesley.

Let's start at the beginning. Wriothesley (Rizzy) and Atherley (Erley) start out as work buddies. More specifically, Erley is an informant for Rizzy to help maintain the fortress of solitude and prepare for any bad news before it has a chance to happen. They have a fairly standard relationship at first, but given their jobs require trust, they become friendlier.

During this time Erley realizes Rizzy is one of the people they knew from their time in a cell. More importantly, Rizzy helped them and held a similar moral code.

This closeness between the two looks a little something like this:

"Did you trip and fall on the way here? You look like a mess." Wriothesley jests, stifling laughter before a swish of flame swallows Atherley for an instant. Their hair poofs up from the vaporization.

"Shut up, you're not looking much better yourself." Atherley retorts, motioning at the chunks of ice clinging to Wriothesley.

"You could help me out."

"No, you get out of that yourself." Atherley waits a few moments before helping to melt and vaporize the water.

Or like this:

Wriothesley pushes a pillow onto Atherley's face.

"Shut up and sleep. I know you, you haven't slept since you got the assignment, have you?" He remarks, reading through the information document until Atherley sighs and agrees to sleep for a bit.

Or like this:

Atherley kicks Wriothesley in the face.

"Hi." Atherley says with a polite smile.

"Hello to you too." Wriothesley groans, rubbing his now reddened nose.

"Dumbass, did you really think that was going to work? You realize I'm a Pyro vision wielder, I can help."

"And? You have other jobs, I'm not so crass as to assign you mine."

"Asking for help isn't the same thing as assigning work." Atherley scoffs, grabbing Wriothesley by the collar and pulling him down to face them, "Listen, you're a good guy, but doing everything by yourself is a bad habit. I know how hard it is to trust people, so I'm asking for a lot here. Trust me."

"Alright, alright. I'll be more communicative if that's what you want."

After a while of this Furina and Neuvillette communicate their wishes for Wriothesley and Atherley to attend a masquerade ball. This is when the dynamic changes.

Atherley, clothed in cool shades of blue and purple with gold accents ornately adorning their gloves, hair, and clothes extends their hand to Wriothesley as a gust of wind billows their cloak. Their cloak flutters, showcasing the lovely shimmer delicately applied to the butterfly wing shape they create. A soft smile adorns their lips, and their crimson gaze lands on Wriothesley's face. Atherley's silver hair seems to sparkle in the moonlight and their wolf ears stand elegantly in the context of their garb.

"Fuck-" Wriothesley mutters, covering his mouth quickly with the back of his hand. His heart thrums a new tune, one dedicated to the shimmer before him. 'It's just because of the light.' He assures himself, swallowing harshly before tuning back into reality with Atherley's words.

"Are you going to stand there forever? Or are you going to take my hand?" They laugh, not seeming to notice the torrent of crimson rushing to Wriothesley's face.

"Oh right, of course," Wriothesley says, hoping he didn't stutter has his hand is placed in theirs. 'Have I ever noticed how small their hands were before?' He wondered, almost wishing the cold metal beneath their gloves was flesh still so he could feel the warmth. 'What a strange thought.'

After this, Wriothesley progressively became more of a mess. This is where the leg thing becomes a little more relevant. As their usual back and forth continues, his responses falter when he realizes he's developed a taste for being kicked if it's Atherley. But also, that he's really enamored with their thighs, more than he wants to admit.

This is also where he starts becoming a sad wet cat of a man. Rather than immediately accepting that he likes Atherley, he instead starts having delusions about them. Be it laying between their thighs, catching them in his arms, the watermelon squeeze between their thighs where he 'helps clean up', or seeing them flustered, he imagines them all. As this continues, he starts thinking about them more frequently to the point that he ends up staring at a bust Furina conveniently had of them. (Furina has a bust of all of the people she values. This means Neuvillette, Wriothesley, Atherley, a few others, and eventually the Traveller too.)

Eventually, the impulsive thoughts win and he kisses Atherley's bust. Unfortunately, Furina catches him and teases him about it.

"I-I was just- I just really like kissing statues," Wriothesley states in his fluster, cursing the miserable excuse that came from his lips.

"Oh? Really? Do you would kiss the Neuvillette bust too?" Furina teases.

"Yes- I would do that."

"Well, it's right here, prove it." Furina motions to Neuvillette's bust and Wriothesley swallows before gingerly kissing that one as well.

(Yes, this is because I saw that one Neuvillette x Wriothesley FanArt-)

Later, a play is curated about the incident. This play, of course, didn't show the real names. So Wriothesley is Razzmatazz the sad hydro cat with white hair and red eyes while Atherley is Appoley, the human Electro user with black hair and sky blue eyes.

Furina and Neuvillette end up teaming up to set Wriothesley and Atherley on dates because It's so rare they see Wriothesley this flustered about someone.

Eventually, after all of the shenanigans, Wriothesley finds himself staring into a cup of tea.

"This has never happened before. No matter what I do I just- can't stop thinking about them. Shit- I'm really in love aren't I?" Wriothesley starts, looking in the tea and scoffing at his reflection.

"Hah, you can even see it on my face. What do I do? Would it be safe to ask if they liked me too? Or would that end with our relationship changing for the worse?" Wriothesley looks up from his cup and stares into the distance before closing his eyes.

"It's a lose-lose situation, isn't it? Everything is going to change, for better, or for worse. I guess it's time I make a decision."

After some deliberation, he knows what he's got to do. He finds Atherley and clears his throat, glancing aside before looking at them with a conviction that makes it seem as though his eyes are burning.

"Atherley. I've had a realization about you and me. So I need you to understand that this is serious. Erley, you make me feel alive. Your smile, your laugh, even the way you kick me. Everything about you makes me feel warm again. It's unexpected, that's certain to me. But I've fallen in love with you. I don't expect you to love me in turn, but I beg you to stay by my side." Wriothesley lifts Atherley's hand and kisses their fingertips. "I can't afford to lose you."

"What? You're right- this is unexpected. Where did this come from I- Hm, well actually, a couple of things are starting to make more sense now. Oh." Atherley looks surprised. As they finish their train of thought a realization dawns on them. They recall all of the times they saw Wriothesley flustered and start connecting the dots.

"Oh."

Wriothesley swallows nervously as Atherley looks back up at him. Their surprised expression turning smug.

"Hey Wriothesley, You know," They start, reaching out and placing a hand under Wriothesley's chin. "You should beg more often. I've taken quite a liking to this cute side of you."

Wriothesley's face flushes and his eyes widen in surprise.

"Why so surprised? Did you expect me to become a flustered mess like you?" Atherley adds, lowering their voice slightly as a satisfied smile paints their lips.

"You want me to beg more? W-What does that mean? Do you like me then? Or- do you just want me to beg for your thig- affections? Atherley-" Wriothesley stutters, the red tint quickly covering more of his face as his calm facade falters completely. His breath hitches as he catches Atherley's amused gaze and his mind races back to all of the wonderful delusions that had been calling to him.

Anyways, this is the current saga of the sad wet cat man Wriothesley. Essentially my friends and I agreed he's an absolute mess when he's in love and he's a thigh guy.

Oh- And Atherley is between 5'3" and 5'5" while I imagine Wriothesley is about 6'2".

[mcalhenwrites]

Numbers ending in 8

omfg that's a lot, here we go :') 8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip. Out of a cluster of dark purple chrysanthemums, a stem extends out, limp across the patio stones in partial decay. The giant flower petals that are still attached are shriveled and ripped, thinned like rubbed butterfly wings. 18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research? Yes! Uh... I think Teacup still wins this one, although my research on museums overlapped with another story (now recycled). But I had to learn a lot about elephants and other animals, too, and there were a few other things I can't recall. Since I combined it with its sequel in the rewrite, add in some sewing info and general paranormal research too! :') 28. What area of writing do you want to improve in? I don't know if I can think of a single area so much as "oh the dialogue here was weak" or "I wish my storytelling abilities were more concise" but I think the latter part is probably the thing I need to work on most across several stories. :') 38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story? All of them. Everyone should always be self-indulgent af with their work. :D 48. Who is your favorite character to write for?  Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom? Will answer for fandom here, specifically bc I must say that writing a lot of the side characters like Cindy and Sania and Clarus are always a blast? Not really a good answer, but I damn well know biases play a part, so I'm going with which ones I tend to have a lot of fun with. :') (Though I do need to get back to writing fic again, I miss it...) 58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written? If I do, I wouldn't be able to answer that bc no instances come to mind, also I had to google wtf this even meant... :') 68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do? I can't really think of any specific ones. Most of my early influences come from novels/professional writers and JRPGs... I've definitely read enough fics and books and played enough games that everything you consume, you take something from, I think. You learn from it. You absorb a little more knowledge. I can name a bunch of fic writers, but I also don't think they influenced me in a direct way. I just enjoyed stories and was like, "Wow! Awesome!" and probably it helped me grow as a writer even if I didn't realize it? Haha 78. What motivates you during the writing process? I don't know, I just like writing for a lot of reasons, so I don't usually have to motivate myself to do it. The problem is usually motivating myself to do anything else... If I'm not feeling it, usually that's a sign I need to recharge a bit and take a break.

[matan4il]

Not to add to the debate, but well sorry I kind of am. But on your points about the donor storyline, my thing is yes, like they are unsympathetic as people asking for this. Not because they are straight, but because their logic is weird. They obviously have the money, and they don't really know Buck, (the whole nature vs. nurture thing). Would Buck be this Buck if there was no Daniel? He was the chosen one and raised as such without Maddie falling into her role? Plus, they act like vultures about the whole thing. The whole aspect of it is wrong. I would have preferred if it was even an old girl, Buck dated, who now has a wife. At least we could get bi hints.

But also it sort of runs against future storyline I would love for Buddie when they go Canon. I mean we all realize it is harder and will be more expensive when it is 2 gay men, that is just a fact. Of course I love the idea of them adopting but also I would kill for any scenario that involves, Maddies egg/Eddie's sperm, Bucks sperm/Eddie's sisters egg and someone carrying it. There are just all sorts of amazing possibilities we could get that tell the real story of gay men who want to be fathers and the financial cost but also the insecurities about being chosen if you try adopting.

Sorry for the ramble but I guess I was just stating for myself it is a watered down generic story that one day I pictured for real for Buddie.

Also, weirdly though, fun fact. I grew up in San Diego. Like 8 years ago, my best friend found out her dad fathered a kid no one knew about. But the weird thing was that when we were in high school, he worked at the stables we used to ride at. Like, we actually met him as just a guy!! I'm like, dude, you could have dated your brother lol!!! That's all I keep seeing is Bucks' future child meeting his bio child and kissing🤣😂🤣

Hi Nonnie, thank you for this ask!

Oh, you know what? Whether in the context of the sperm donor storyline or otherwise, I would actually REALLY love for an ex gf of Buck's to return and turn out to be married to a woman. It could be one of those potential storylines for Buck listening to her and maybe realizing a few things about himself and Eddie. ;)

I hear everything you say! I honestly don't mind which way Buddie would go about it, I just want the story shown of how a same sex gay couple goes about deciding on and fighting for their right to be parents. It's STILL not a given right in way too many places, and where it is, it requires SO MUCH, it's a story deserving of being told. And considering how much drama is involved in it, how many emotions, how much it can test a couple, but also bring them together and showing them fighting as one for a common goal, it actually does NOT makes sense to me that it's so underrepresented in media. Which makes me suspect that's due to a great degree to ignorance. And shouldn't we strive for queer rep to tear it down?

I think your penultimate paragraph summarizes perfectly a big part of how I feel about this storyline. Thank you for that!

(also, yikes about your friend's dad! That could not have been easy in any way whatsoever...)

Have a great day, lovely! As always, here's my ask tag! xoxox

[coffeebanana]

Writing asks! 18, 25, 43

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

Huh, that's interesting. I was going to say no I don't enjoy it--because I can be really lazy about it--but in some contexts I do? Like I'll go off on a tangent while researching injuries for hurt/comfort fics and that can be fun. But sometimes research is also frustrating because I can't find exactly what I want. Like when I was researching for Adrien's injury in Say Something I wasn't finding enough specific things for like...how the injury would affect his movement and how quickly he'd heal and all that. I knew I wanted the injury not to affect any of his internal organs because I needed him not to be trapped in the hospital for too long, but I wanted it to be deep enough so that he felt it. And at a certain point I had to give up on "how realistic is this?" because...I wasn't ever going to find the exact answers and most people aren't going to question it anyways. And for the movement bit I actually ended up researching C-sections, because while that incision is definitely longer and deeper than his injury, at least that was an abdominal incision and I knew there would be actual resources for healing from that, so...creativity I guess? 😂 But yeah. Most research probably goes to that fic because I've researched other things for it too and...just spent a looooot of time thinking about it in general haha. I tend to either do no research for a fic or spend three hours looking up a specific detail and there's pretty much no in-between.

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

It soooort of depends on the fic I think. But I definitely LOVE the initial idea/brainstorming part. Or any of those moments where something just clicks in the outlining process, because that's just so satisfying!! And then I also love editing. But I've come to realize it's a particular kind of editing I love (and incidentally this is why I love Say Something so much). Because I need to be at that part where the draft is cohesive but still needs a sufficient amount of rewriting. And then to me it's like trying to fit the puzzle pieces together in the most effective way I can. And I just love that because sometimes I'll spend an hour rewriting the same paragraph or two, but the second it works everything else just starts coming together too and it's SOOOO SATISFYING.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

Hmm...None that I can think of at the moment?

Thanks for the ask!!! 💜

Fanfiction Writing Asks

[simpingwriter]

Cal Kestis x Kyra Yarmot

'Revenge

and

Redemption:

In the Name of Love'

pt.12

___________________

You don't know how continue the plot?! WRITE SMUT-

But what else can possibly happen when you leave two horny, hormone driven young adults alone in a hallway?? YES EXACTLY, A TEA PAR–

A quickie in which Cal is absolutely unhinged mentally about his desire to breed her.

ENJOY! :D

Word Count: approx. 3.400 Words (its still short smut, a smudge of Angst comes first ;) )

___________________

Your greatest fears became reality as you returned one night from your common scavenging runs for food and their scraps. 

Grogu's panic was audible, so incredibly loud that you heard it from the last mile away from the current cave you had hid out in. It wasn't exactly safe around it, that's why you told Grogu about a hundred times before you left that he cannot leave the cave for ANY reason, to stay hidden until he heard your voice and your voice only.

But after you finally revealed…what happened to Din…he refused to listen to you, basically crying and screaming nonstop, throwing small rocks at you with the Force as he vented out his emotions. And if he knew how much you wished you could do the same, to just…throw yourself on the ground, kick, scream and curse your Life for dealing you this despicable, rotten hand of cards.

But you can't, you're not a kid any longer…you had to grow up to keep you both alive, kark, even longer ago when the Purge came. All you wanted was to know how it was to be a kid with no responsibilities at all for once. No need for training, for school...for the fear of surviving the next weeks.

So when you arrive at the entrance, having dropped the food you found already at least 10 feet ahead of time to be quicker, to have your claws free, you can't react fast enough. It was already too late…

These massive beasts…they…they

Grogu was dead. 

And it was all your fault. Everything is.

Cal woke with a start from his sleep, sweat sticking to his forehead, but the sudden flood of your thoughts from the other side of the room brought him back to reality as quickly as probably possible as he saw and remembered where he was. The Infirmary of the Star Destroyer. Apparently you two must be liking them a hell lot, since you came here so regularly.

"Horrible Joke." You mumble, your mood having had the chance to lower itself by quite more than just one level once Cal had fallen asleep, giving your destructive self-doubt fresh room to spread. "...I saw it." Cal returned shook and without context, wringing his hands as he needed to think about how he would explain everything. If he even should or if he should just leave it at that, if you're even ready to talk about these past events yet. 

"It's too late to take your words back now anyways, Cal, so tell me what you saw…I can take it...I have to." He had very strong doubts about that, but silently begged you to come over to him anyways, against your crappy protests of 'What if I hurt you?'. He knows you won't, when will you karking accept that?

Cal sat up, albeit with some struggle due to the weird texture of the Bedsheet's fabric being a bit slippery, before taking a deep breath.

"I saw how Grogu died." 

The glass of fresh, cold water that you had in your hand and claws just a second ago, to give to Cal, slipped straight from said grip. Slippery Glass…yeah.

"W-what?! How-" "The same way I saw everything that happened before. I don't know how I can see them, they just happen everytime we fall asleep."

Your eyes squint at that explanation, but not of distrust, anything but distrust. More likely because of you realizing why he saw so much of your more recent past. "...Didn't you once say Psychometry works on people as well?"

Yes, he did, but he only ever used it on dead people they found after conflicts, never the still living, breathing ones. He never was able to, because Psychometry on a person requires either their mental consent OR to simply not be able to give any longer, so dead people. So how…

"Our bond, Cal. That's how…our bond is the consent we gave each other back then. I-i'm so sorry you had to see these things everytime we went to sleep together. If I had known that I wouldn't-" You wanted nothing less than to trauma dump on your mate – especially not subconsciously – he had dealt with enough himself. You knew of his Ability since the day you two met, to feel and witness what others went through so you never NEVER gave him some of the physical things of your past adventures and most importantly, your mistakes! "Kyra, Kyra! Calm down! Relax! You're going to start hyperventilating!"

You were, he was right. You felt breathing become harder, even though it picked up against your control, but despite that, you kept going either way as tears rose to your eyes, feeling some dizziness setting in now. You never wanted him to have to see your past, he didn't have to know! He didn't have to suffer even more because of you!

"Calm, Kyra. Look at me, watch me breathe and try to follow along. Just like our heartbeats follow each other, okay? We beat as one, we breathe as one. So we help each other with the troubles of our past as well…isn't that what mates would have done back then as well?" 

Cal…Cal is right, yet again, like so often…mates should listen to each other, right? It's not just to take care of each other, it's also a sign of respect, to have an ear for the other instead of just brushing it aside or telling them to suck it up.

It did help doing as he said and trying to match your breath with his rhythm, despite his breathe not being very calm either, but still healthier than yours at the moment. Worry kept him on edge as well, something you knew was also your fault. Wouldn't you be so stupid all the time, he wouldn't have to worry like that…

"Would you karking stop…you're NOT the reason for everything bad in my or your life!" He begs tiredly, holding your hands in his just like he did back on Kuat. It was so oddly simple yet calming, so you could see why he kept doing it, he knew the effect just a simple touch had on you. Any touch.

"...it’s just hard accepting that as fact, Cal. Everytime I let someone closer into my heart, they get hurt, or worse…" And you? You leave unscathed, at least physically, just to get lonely again, seeking company and trying to find the next person to hurt because you made the selfish mistake of letting them closer than they should've gotten, to letting them become something meaningful to you. "Do you regret letting me into your Heart as well, Dragonfly?"

What?

No….no never!

"Do you?" You ask back instead, hoping dearly that there was no- "I could never fathom regretting to have met you or to have fallen for you or, especially, to love you. You give me a real reason, unlike the old Mission of Cere that constantly had us chasing uncertainty for the next day. A reason to fight for the future, not the Future of the Order or anyone else. But our future." All these words fell from his lips with such ease, he didn't even need to think long to find the right ones as he smiled at you with a type of genuine gentleness, similar to that of a child that showed you its most beloved plush. He loved you, despite everything that he saw you do or missed to do, he really does. One shall not question their mate's feelings…

The quiet moment that followed was interrupted by the door of the Patient Room sliding open with a quiet hydraulic hiss, revealing none other than Trilla. "He's awake, I take it?"

The rest of the morning – or whatever it was, being on a Ship it never was easy to know, not on a Star Destroyer, not on the Mantis – went by in a blur, your attention constantly glued to making sure that Cal wasn't being uncomfortable or in any uncalled for pain, helping a Nurse with changing his Bandages – when it was time to do so – by his request. Cal didn't want you to stray too far from him, he confessed shyly in his thoughts when you wondered why he acted that way and you understood his reasoning, you wouldn't want him to leave your side either if had gotten hurt again.

"Your presence just calms me down…is it...weird to feel that?" He asks, slowly and with your help of supporting his weight, making your way back to your room on the Star Destroyer. "I can't speak for humans, but I think it's not all that weird for me as a Kaluk, it has always been your scent and pheromones that kept me so calm, ever since we met, even before we made our bond official on Tatooine." He looks at you oddly as you mention his scent of all things, grinning at that, "Is that your way of telling me that I smell bad?" Even though it should've been obvious to you that his tone was 100% playful, you could only return the odd look, squinting slightly, "Never, Cal. Well, not to my nose at least." His manly, protective scent that not only marks you as his to any species with similarly good noses and scents being their non-verbal language, but also got your knees to feel so weak after he worked out, trained with you, Trilla or the others, when it was the strongest on him. Or to put it bluntly, more understandable to your human mate:

"I really really like it when you're all sweaty, dirty and roughed up actually…makes me feel…how, how do I put it?" Submissive, wanting, hot and bothered? The best way your inhuman Kaluk-Brain could word it was: The presence of your clearly strong, brave mate...it made you want to-

"Breed, hard and rough, like true animals." He adds with an even more mischievous grin, pushing you against the nearest wall, the still slightly stinging wound pushed in the back of his mind as he clearly enjoyed the flushed reaction he got from you with this sudden, unexpected action much more.

"B-basically, yes…wait, Cal, please be careful with your cut…I don't want you to get hurt aga-", but you don't get any further when a searing hot kiss shuts you up, melting you two into one with raw passion, Cal's hands knowing exactly where they want to be as one tightly grabs onto your hips, the other tracing the smooth and sometimes rough scales at your neck, caressing what made you so incredibly special and beautiful in his eyes. His eager tongue didn't even have to ask for entrance anymore at this point, your lips parting on reflex at the feeling of the familiar hot muscle, inviting him in to let your tongues dance. Despite their visual differences, yours slightly pointed and much rougher than his, Cal just couldn't get enough of it either.

He always seemed to like these differences the most though, just like today, moaning at the touches you also left on him, trying to dive deeper into the all-devouring kiss, as if he was trying to prove something to you both. As if he had to, seriously, he was everything you could've ever asked for in a mate, from a physical and personality standpoint. "Wasn't it you who teased me for being a skinny ginger twink – whatever that is – during our last training session!" He claims fake offended, parting from your kiss just to object, receiving a gentle push to his chest, "Ever thought about the possibility of this being exactly my damn type, Firecrotch?" There it was again, that cursed Nickname – he definitely had to have thought – as he grunted and pressed you back even tighter against the wall, caging you against apparently so skinny frame, punishing your makers awful choice of a nickname by pulling on one of your horns, exposing your neck to him more easily.

Ever since he found out what exactly touching your horns did to you and your body, he couldn't imagine not using it against and for you at the same time, watching you become mewling and pathetic putty in his hands no matter where you two ended up. "N-no…not in the hallway, Cal. Mhh…" He didn't give you much air to talk back at him, once again locked against his own, starving lips, ignoring the weirdly mature idea of yours to perhaps seek out a different room or nook to continue. No, he needed you now.

Right. Now.

The same slender fingers that first caressed and smoothed over your horns, now sat at your throat, starting their journey downwards to show equal love to all parts of your body. The two of you had a truly weird tendency to have these...things happen in a public spaces, first Tatooine and the previous month's escapades, today it's the hallway of a Star Destroyer Infirmary.

"I love you…your heart and your body, my love." He mumbles absent-mindedly. His head, where it was? Only filled with the thoughts and ideas of all the things ahead of time that he could do to you to make you come undone in his very hands. Only his hands.

Every single one you witnessed because of your mental link only added to the inner fire as you copied his hands, pulling him closer by the black Material of his Inquisitor Uniform before getting an idea: His uniform is ruined anyways, he will have to throw this one away once you're back at your room and use his spare one.

So you ruined it a bit more.

Claws always at the ready, you poke a hole first before letting your pointer finger do the rest by gliding it down withouthaving to add much pressure. It was worlds different to what you were left with before, when they were dull and unkept for during your three months of loneliness and near isolation, cutting through fabric was the easiest thing for them now. Revealing his pale chest, a smile dancing onto your face as you got remembered of the signs that – just like you weren't staying a girl – he wasn't going to be just a boy all his life, red locks of hair dotting his chest, and while they grew there before already, you had to admit that they became more by now. "I can shave them if-" "Don't." 

At first you wanted to question why he couldn't hear it from your thoughts that you had anything but a problem with chest hair, his own, anyways. But it was evident when you heard his own thoughts that his hormones had him very much preoccupied.

Grinning teeth at your scales, he – now smarter than in the past, when he tries to mark them – gave them kisses, one side massaged lightly by the other hand of his before his patience ran thin for today. And you couldn't blame him, he almost could've died on this very day if it hadn't been for your reckless decision to try and fly again.

He could've lost this heavenly feeling of your body and heart forever, he doesn't want to let go of you it seems almost. And neither did you.

Your uniform stripped off just enough to reveal the important parts, your chest and your lower regions with your underwear pushed aside, his was more of a mess, looking like the aftermath of…well, a beast…of an incredibly horny one. "I like it when you're this eager, speeds up the process to the important part." He whispers, sounding almost drunk on lust by now as he slips his hardening cock from his Boxershorts and through the ribbons of black fabric you left behind, stroking it while still caressing you gently, definitely using the different feeling skin to his own to help his arousal.

Maybe that was the work of the painkillers that the nurse gave him, his speech could've been impacted by it for some time, till the painkillers wore off again?

"Hmm, does that really matter right now? You’re basically begging me to breed your tight hole and Womb again and you think about the effect of some pills. If you don't want to we can-" You're quick to shake your head no at his most likely question, pushing yourself against him tightly. "I want anything, but not to stop, Cal…" you admit openly, feeling around his chest – the part that's not wrapped up – with pride. He was all yours, every crevice and pore only yours to explore, to love, to cherish.

Just a few hours ago, you feared for all this to be lost, and the fear inside of you was so great that you went on a rampage. The blood that covered most of you afterwards was long washed off, albeit a bit roughly since you worked haphazardly, wanting to not just physically scrub yourself clean. It still coated your Uniform though, the fabric soaked at some parts.

Now you're getting back to your old self, you were before you left Kuat as well, but now, with his caring and yet very much daring touch, the knowledge that he is really fine and nothing serious is wrong after he got hurt, you feel the guilt of losing control ebbing away even farther. Out of sight, out of mind.

You're only now truly starting to feel like yourself again, the last grip of the lurking darkness easing off and retreating to where it always was, were it apparently naturally belonged for you, back to awaiting its next gruesome showtime.

His hands worked with experience by now, knowing just perfectly how to touch you to get a rise out of you in record time, not just your already sensitive horns, but your tail as well, less sensitive but not less of a very intimate spot for you as he forced you up against the wall, pulling lightly on it, trailing his hands down the scales afterwards. "Are you sure we should do it rig- Ahhhh~" He was very sure. 

The need, the fear of losing one another as high as ever before – mirroring the day you were pushed off the Mantis – forcing his hand as he pushed into your tight hole with a low grunt.

"Yes, right here- karking…ahhh, you're never getting any less tight, are you, my love?" He inquired rhetorically, not expecting you to answer as he cupped one of your soft, scaly tits in his hands, feeling them fill out the entirety of them. He loved the feel and texture of them, the implications and imagination his dirty young adult mind spun whenever he saw them in their full, naked glory. Someday, they would swell even bigger to feed their kid. Or children, plural.

"I love you, I love you!!" You chant and start to pant, claws digging into his uniform, ripping it up further as they left scratches on his shoulder blades. All of everyday reality faded away when these primal feelings took back over, a purring growl in your throat as he gave your body what it began to crave again so soon, thrust by thrust driving you closer to that delightful edge. He threw his head back slightly, reveling in the pleasure as he lost his manners, grunting and groaning, echoing through the hallway. "Show me how much, dragonfly, cum for your mate, cum for me!" He whispers harshly yet lovingly into your ear, suddenly picking up the force and pace he rutted into you with, as if to challenge you, if you were even capable of holding back when he gave his all Iike that.

You couldn't hold back, not at all. Not that you wanted to anyways. The moment of release was more than audible when a high-pitched moan replaced your growls and shook through you and your body, tears brimming at your eyes as Cal kissed your neck gently, a cocky smirk evident as he fondled your tits through your orgasm with surprising care, chasing his own at his own pace. Rough, slow, agonizing.

He loved toying with the event of being caught clearly, something he worried about back then on Tatooine seemed to spur him on more now. It wasn't a fear of getting caught, but the exact opposite it appears, his groans not muted the slightest.

Like he just wanted you two to get caught by some unfortunate Storm Troopers, to show you off. What you two had, that apparently being to be comfortable and confident enough to start mating right here in a public hallway.

"You're so right, my lovely dragonfly, who cares if everyone sees us like this, then they at least know who you belong to. They can come see and watch all they want, but they will NEVER get to touch you like I am…" He admits openly, even proud of his opinion as he stutters in his movement and thrusts, he was so close, and all he could think about was about the day your belly is swollen thanks to his and your work only. 

So you did what any good mate would do, you helped him reach his high, whispering into his ear between moans and whimpers, how it would be his cum alone, his genes that would be continued, his duty to keep the Kaluk alive and thriving. 

He ate it up like sweet nectar and even had to kiss you quiet, mentally begging you to stop riling him up even further, pushing himself against you, taking any space that might've been there before, as he came. Slipping into you deeper – just like usually by now – his cum deposited itself in your deepest, personal parts. Never to see the light of day once more, just like all the other times. 

"...this could be problematic now…" He laughs sheepishly, his personality like a switch when he had his own release, going from the near possessive back to your sweet, playful ginger, the one only you and BD get to see most of the time. The best of both worlds for you as you slump against him, nodding exhausted, his cum having caused another orgasm for yourself. Problematic was not capable of describing the situation his eagerness to strive to be the very best mate for you caused, your legs twitching against the cold wall, as every move he made, it rubbed his cock against your inner inner walls.

Knowing of the usual time-problem of mating like that, Cal lifted your legs over his hips and told you to use your wings to attempt at covering you and him up till your room was reached. But it didn't look very subtle, his uniform hanging onto him with its last gasps of life after your own claws made good work of its usually very strong integrity. Somehow and fortunately for you, it still covered most of his lower back and behind. 

You really would get sour if another woman would throw even a glance at his ass, but it would've been your fault alone if it ended up being exposed. Well, and his fault, nobody told him to suddenly kark you like a mad man into the nearest wall he could find.

"No excuse in the world is saving you from your own responsibility, Dragonfly." He hums, continuing to leave sweet little kisses on your skin and scales on your somewhat lucky return to the room you were given. 

A few Storm Troopers passed you, but except their tilted heads at you two passing them, nothing more happened.

Better for them.

___________________

[leylslikes]

jan 2023: final fantasy x (2001)

i'm on this little kick of revisiting properties that made me Feel Something when i was a kid and convinced me to go into media production in the first place, and at some point i realized that for how much i love and know about final fantasy ... i only ever played most of x-2, a chunk of ix, and the vincent spinoff that made me so motion sick i couldn't even get five hours in.

so! i picked up the x/x-2 remaster.

for a game old enough to drink in the states, the mechanics aged surprisingly well. the turn-based combat requires more prep than execution and is thoughtful and methodical, the sphere grid you use to level is really rewarding to traverse, and i love the melodrama of the summons. i did get a little annoyed with the sheer volume of random encounters, but you can always call tidus and flee.

the story is poetry to me, though. it's earnest in a way that i think was too cringe/goofy for 2001 (everyone's latched on to that damn laughing scene but it WORKS IN CONTEXT, i SWEAR), and i think it has to be earnest for the sake of its own narrative.

without spoilers (because i do actually want people to play this 20-year-old game), it's a story about a boy thrown out of time joining a young summoner on her pilgrimage to save the world from a creature called sin. this is the cycle of spira: there is a calm, and then sin returns to wreak havoc all over again. thematically it's a story about what happens when people refuse to let go and pass the torch, and the corruptibility of the human spirit. it's also a sweet little romance between two young heroes, and what love and hope can do to break a predestined cycle of divine tragedy.

would recommend to: people who love stories about dismantling norms, romance, found family, and earnestness.

some spoiler-y callouts for things i particularly loved under the cut

the hymn of the fayth. it fucks, hands-down, no questions asked.

i love the way the turn-based combat and the whole golden path through the temples supports the ritualistic nature of the pilgrimage.

SPEAKING of the RITUALS, the final battle with yu yevon, where you cycle through all your aeons and take them down as he possesses them, lives rent-free in my head. it's on rails! you can't die! it's literally just there to complete the ritual of the encounter and close out the emotional arc of the summoner's pilgrimage! and then yu yevon isn't even a human, he's that weird tick-looking thing because he is so far gone, his humanity is so eroded, all that remains is this drive to survive and the ghost of an idea that only he could solve the sins of spira.

the real final battle was with jecht. and it fucking owns. the metal soundtrack, the fact that tidus can derail his overdrive, it happening in a fucked up version of the zanarkand stadium. compliments to the chef.

auron is the saddest man in all of fiction. his sending made me bawl. what an arc. in a world where the villains are the ghosts of men who refuse to let go of their megalomania, he simply finishes his quest and says "it's been long enough." tearing up thinking about it!

i like the little post credits cutscene. it was enough for me. i would have been happy with that.

again: i LIKE the laughing scene. it's GOOD. i'm PRO.

the budding friendship between kihmari and tidus is everything to me. when tidus gets slightly behind the group on mt gagazet and seymour's melodramatic ass shows up? kihmari runs in and says "save some for kihmari???"

anyway it's a good game and on steam go play it