#and then my brother put some p*rated music on it for me

[ebdanon]

Not so much repressed memories, but, as someone who grew up listening to the original versions of Taylor's albums, the rerecordings always made me feel so nostalgic. It's not a repressed memory, but I associate 1989 with playing the CD in my mother's car and the two of us screaming the lyrics to Shake It Off as she drove me to school.

see i 100% have this happen to me a lot too

[lesbianlenas]

I know you’re a taylor updates account but can you please react to the new billie eilish album🙏🏻 she’s my favorite

i am going to do this as i will do almost anything for my tumblr followers of course but let me preface this by saying i have not listened to like any billie eilish ever i have only heard bad guy once like several yrs ago and then her song from the barbie movie once when my brother made me watch the oscar’s so idk what to expect really other than that i know there is a song abt eating pussy lol. i will put my thoughts under the cut tho

skinny: this song has p much the same issue as i had w the tswift songs w the slow music & breathy singing i’m just really not into that at all. i like the lyrics tho and she does sound pretty but it’s just really not for me. 3/10

lunch: i def like this song better but there is smth missing for me musically or vocally idk there is smth more that i want from this. i’m biased tho bc it’s abt eating pussy ngl 6/10

chihiro: my first thought putting this on is like girl open ur mouth speak up 😭 again she sounds very pretty vocally on the high notes in this song but it is just so boring to me it’s just giving nothing…if i wasn’t actively listening this would sound like instrumental music to me like u could just zone out her singing into just being humming or smth. i know they must have done the mixing on this song this way on purpose but it’s almost leaning into shoegaze here vocally wise 😭 second half picks up a little bit in the music but not in the vocals sorry this just REALLY doesn’t do it for me lol 2/10

birds of a feather: ok i like this one the most so far i really like the vocals on this one i feel like she is finally singing instead of whispering 😭 overall just enjoyed this one lyrically musically vocally just overall enjoyable even if i wish she didn’t still do the whisper thing for a lot of it lol 8/10

wildflower: this is really not doing anything for me it’s too slow. i think the music is really nice tho and her voice in the chorus is nice too. i enjoy that u can really hear the instruments in a way that a lot of other pop music tends to obscure the instruments and focus way more on the vocals ykwim. i actually like the second half of the song more when the music kicked up and there was more harmonizing. overall fine to me. 4/10

the greatest: this is practically a lullaby omg 😭 i cannot believe how slow this is and whispery. ok the chorus picked up so i appreciate that. the problem here is that the verses are so utterly boring to me but the chorus and the bridge are really good esp the bridge. i was going to rate this so low but the bridge really blew me away tbh 😩 frustrating bc i would give that bridge 10/10 like soooo good. but the verses really bring it down for me. 7/10

l’amour de ma vie: already enjoy the vibe of this one and how it is different from the others. i really like the music on this one and the vocals at certain parts esp the chorus it’s more interesting than some of the others. the second part of the song is like. i enjoy that it’s different but i’m not really into electronic music. but i like that this song was really different from the others 6/10

the diner: really like the music on this one too. vocally ok idk. this really just didn’t leave a huge impression on me. if i listened to it a few times it might grow on me but yeah. 5/10

bittersuite: i am just like girl open your mouth PLSSSSS. ok wait it seems to be changing up a little 😭 no it got worse on the wanting her to open her mouth front actually 😭 i know the mixing is like this for artistic reasons as i said but i just simply don’t like it. this just does nothing for me again. 3/10

blue: i really like this one lyrically but again i just find it boring sound wise even tho i think it makes sense in this song. if this was the only song that sounded this way in the album i think i would appreciate it more bc i really think the sound fits the song a lot. i also liked how this song called back to like all of the previous songs in the album i think that’s a great way to tie it all together. still was not a huge fan tho 4/10

overall: ok so objectively if i was going to rate this album like barring my own personal tastes i’d prob give it a 9/10 it’s beautifully done musically and the lyrics are great and when she really uses her vocals it’s so good. for my own opinion i’d honestly give it a 4/10 just bc this is the type of music that is really not my taste at all 😭 slow indie music does not do it for me and this album really is just slow indie. there is a lot of artistry to it that other indie music lacks i think tho and i can appreciate that too and i do feel like she puts emotion into it which i like. but it’s pretty like when i go to a museum and look at a piece of art for 2 mins and then i walk away not where i go back and look at it 300 times like saw it once and was like wow that’s pretty and that’s all u know. but my dislike of this album is def just a personal taste thing i can tell that it is objectively very good. i also appreciate that she was able to make similar sounding songs that were also all still unique in that you would be able to tell which is which yk. but that’s p much all i have to say on it 😩 hope it’s not disappointing for u that it’s not really my thing i’m sorry 😔

[jungwoniics]

the boy and the party. — p. sunghoon

↦ pairing: park sunghoon / sunghoon x reader

↦ synopsis: You had been forced by your best friend to attend a party. But as soon as you arrive, she disappears into the crowd and you're left alone. But when a random boy joins you, you're not so lonely anymore.

↦ genre: fluff, crack/humour

↦ rating: pg13, sfw

↦ w/c: 1.5k+

↦ warnings: none

↦ a/n: hiii everyone! yay it’s sunghoon day today so yes this fic is in celebration of his birthday whoo! anyway, literally had no idea what to write about so :D feel free to lmk what you think! <3 ↦ event: happy sunghoon day! 🎉

➵ taglist status: open — send an ask/dm or fill in this form!

➵ taglist (permanent): @enhacolor @goldenhypen @rozisisme @i2gyus @ahnneyong @odetoyeonjun @acciomylove

i.

“Y/N, GET UP! HOW CAN YOU STILL BE ASLEEP RIGHT NOW? IT’S LITERALLY 5PM” Rina flips your mattress over, causing you to fall onto the floor with a loud thud. “What the hell?!” you shout back, rubbing your forehead which had come into contact with the floor. Rina smacks your arm in response. “Did you forget about the party!?”

You roll your eyes. You can’t believe a stupid party was the reason you got thrown out of bed. “I don't want to go. I have better things to do anyway,” you put the mattress back in its place and jump onto the bed again. You pull the covers up till your face is hidden. “Y/N! Get up! You promised you’d come with me!” Rina pulls the covers away from you again.

Being the stubborn person you are, you bring your legs close to your chest and clutch them to make yourself warm as you close your eyes once more. “Oh my god, Y/N, you’re killing me! I’ll tell your brother about the fight you had with his ex-girlfriend if you don’t get up right now!” Rina yells again before walking out of the room.

“Okay, okay, I’ll get ready. Don’t tell him Rina!” you yell back at Rina who was already out of the room. You take a quick shower and dress up before heading downstairs where Rina was waiting at the doorway. “Wow, you actually look presentable for once,” she comments. You smack her arm as you open the door, calling out to your brother to tell him that you were going out.

ii.

When Heeseung leads the two of you into his house, you begin to regret your decision on going. There were people everywhere. There were already people dancing. And at the corner, you find tiny groups of people just laughing and hanging around.

Gosh. One party this is going to be.

“Hey, anyone you looking for?” you turn around to face Rina only to find that she was no longer there. You look around panickedly. How could Rina have just left you there? You knew no one here except for Rina and Heeseung. As you make your way deeper into the house, you start getting pushed by the others as the whole room is booming with music and people begin getting on their feet to dance.

You quickly navigate your way out of the crowd; it was a terrible experience. Your face was almost shoved up someone’s butt when you were trying to duck from someone who threw a glass bottle. You run up the steps and peek into the first room to see-

You hastily close the door shut, wishing you could unsee what you just saw. You shake your head as you go over to the next room, very carefully opening the door, afraid of what may be happening in the room. But the room was empty. You close the door behind you and take a seat on the couch.

Unlike the previous room, this merely had a couch and TV with a small refrigerator at the corner of the room. There were also multiple bean bags around the room. You figured it was probably some room just to hang out. You slump on the couch, wondering what you were going to do.

You close her eyes, hoping to be able to have a moment to think. But of course, your hopes are crushed when the door swings open and closes again. You sigh under your breath as you open your eyes again. Before your eyes, you saw a boy. He was tall, wearing a normal black t-shirt with jeans, and he had sunglasses on for some reason. The left side of his denim jacket falls off his shoulder slightly as he just stands there.

“I didn't know this room came with a pretty girl,” he smirks as he takes a seat next to you on the couch. You knew you were blushing uncontrollably because the boy’s smirk widens when he looks at you. You look everywhere but at the boy, embarrassed by your reaction.

“So, what are you doing here all alone?” the boy asks. “Uh- I- I just- I’m not a fan of big crowds,” you manage to say but stammer terribly. “That's how parties are, doll.”

You raise an eyebrow at what the boy called you. “Doll? Really, sunglasses?” Another smirk forms on the boy’s face. “Oh we’re doing nicknames now, huh?” “Yes, who wears sunglasses indoors?” you shrug.

“So what’s your name?” you ask after a brief moment of silence. “I thought you already decided that Sunglasses was my name,” the boy smirks. You just roll your eyes as you introduce yourself, “I’m Y/N.” “Ah the pretty girl has a pretty name too,” he says again, the smirk still on his face.

A visible redness forms on your cheeks as you try to cover it up by looking away. “I'm Sunghoon,” the boy says, putting his hand out towards you, his smirk turning into a genuine smile. You take his hand and shake it. “Wow, small hand you got there, doll.”

the two of you then fall silent, sitting quietly next to each other and thinking about how they were glad not to be spending time alone at the party. You eventually fall asleep and your head droops and rests on Sunghoon’s shoulder.

He flinches a little at the sudden contact, causing you to unconsciously half-open your eyes and lift your head slightly. Sunghoon quickly regains his composure as he slowly brings your head back to rest on his shoulder, bringing his arm over to rest on your shoulders.

He just watches you, observing how your feet are brought up onto the couch, your hands clutching them as if to fight the cold, your little pout and your hand twitching a little from time to time, and your slow and steady breathing. He watches you till he falls asleep too, his head resting on yours gently.

iii.

You open your eyes slowly, stretching lazily. Looking around, you realise that you’re still at the party. Feeling someone’s head drop onto your shoulder, you turn to see Sunghoon’s face. “Oh my god,” you immediately move away from Sunghoon in shock, causing his head to drop down abruptly. He immediately wakes up from his slumber and anger fills his eyes but immediately softens when he notices you beside him.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that,” you immediately explain, afraid that he would shout at you. Sunghoon just smiles, “It’s alright, doll. No harm done.” “How long have we been asleep?” you mutter under your breath as you rub your head like it was all a dream.

Sunghoon looks up at the clock in the room, “About 2 hours.” “What?!” you shout unintentionally, making Sunghoon wince due to the sudden change in volume. “I’m sorry. I should probably get home. It was nice meeting you, Sunghoon.”

“You too, doll. We’re practically married now,” Sunghoon says with a grin. You blush for what must have been the hundredth time, quickly standing up and heading for the door. “Hey, I’ll drive you home. It’s getting late. Wouldn’t want a pretty girl like you getting kidnapped,” Sunghoon gets up and opens the door for you, gesturing for you to step out first.

Sunghoon brings you out of the house and to a car parked by the driveway. “Wow, nice car,” you say as the two of you walk closer to it. “Thanks. Are you interested in cars?” Sunghoon assumes. “Oh no, I don’t care about them at all,” you say matter-of-factly. A smirk forms on Sunghoon’s face as he laughs a little.

iv.

As the car passes through the street, you begin looking around for your house. “Uh, my house is around the corner. Right in front there,” you point at your house. Sunghoon looks over to where you are pointing. His eyes light up, “Really? I live there.” He points to the house opposite yours.

“Oh, so you’re the new people who moved in!” you suddenly exclaim in realisation. Sunghoon laughs as he pulls over in front of your house. As you get out of the car, Sunghoon gets out too.

“I can walk to my house on my own, Sunghoon. I’m not going to get kidnapped or anything,” you grin, looking back at Sunghoon as you walk up the porch. “I know. But it’s just what a gentleman does,” Sunghoon grins back as he falls in next to you. You laugh silently as you stop at the front door.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye,” Sunghoon shrugs, a wide smile on his face. You nod, “Thanks for hanging around with me at the party. I would've died of boredom.” Sunghoon chuckles, “Right.”

“Anyways, I’ll see you around, doll,” Sunghoon smirks as he turns around to return to his car. You give one final wave before Sunghoon drives into the garage opposite your house.

Maybe that party wasn’t too bad.

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[viking-raider]

Cover Me in Sunshine - One Shot

Summary: You meet Henry's little brother and his family, making a connection with someone unexpected.

Pairing: Henry Cavill/Reader

Word Count: 1,586

Rating: G - Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Cotton Candy Goodness, Song Fic

Inspiration: P!nk's song with her daughter Willow, Cover Me In Sunshine.

Author's Note: I heard this song last night and muse came up with this. Cred to @firefly-graphics for the divider!

“Charlie, Heather, this is my girlfriend.” Henry grinned as he introduced you to his little brother and his wife.

“It's a pleasure to meet you.” Charlie grinned, throwing out an arm and giving you a hug.

“Sames.” You smiled back and returned his hug. “Hey.” You nodded, as Charlie and Heather introduced you to their kids.

The kids nodded and mumbled their hellos to you, then vanished to various corners of the house, while you, Henry, Charlie and Heather went into the kitchen. Heather pulled out wine glasses and Charlie grabbed a bottle of chilled Stella Rosa wine from the fridge.

“Is mum and pops coming over?” Henry asked, standing at the island, sipping his glass and resting his hand on your lower back.

“Yeah, mum said they'd be here in twenty.” Charlie nodded, taking a deep gulp of his own glass.

“Cool.” Henry nodded back, turning his head, his nose brushing the hair above your ear.

The doorbell rang several minutes later and Henry's parents joined the party of adults. You excused yourself at some point to go to the bathroom and were coming back out, when the sound of a guitar caught your attention. Biting your lip, you looked back towards the laughter and voices of Henry and the others, but decided to follow the sound of the instrument instead, finding Charlie and Heather's oldest daughter, Maddie, in the den, sitting cross legged on the carpet, strumming a guitar.

“Wow, you're pretty good.” You commented, when she paused for a moment “Oh, sorry.” You chuckled, when you startled her. “Where'd you learn to play?” You asked, stepping further into the room and sitting down beside her.

“My dad taught me.” She replied, chewing on her lip as she regarded you shyly.

“My dad taught me how to play too.” You smiled at her, sweetly.

“You know how to play too?” She asked, surprised.

“I do.” You nodded.

Maddie put her guitar down and rushed out of the room, coming back a moment later with another guitar. “You want to play with me?” She asked, excitedly holding the guitar out to you.

You smiled a little bit wider at her. “Sure.” You nodded and took the instrument from her, situating it in your lap. “Do you have any songs you like?” You asked her.

“I do have a song that I wrote?” Maddie admitted, shyly brushing her hair behind her ear.

“Oh yeah?” You grinned, lifting a brow at her. “You want to teach it to me?” You asked, turning to face her.

“You actually want me to teach it to you?” Maddie asked, caught off guard by your request.

“A Hundred percent.” You nodded, positioning your fingers on the guitar strings and patiently waited for her to start giving you instructions.

Maddie's shock instantly melted away into a bright excitement and she started showing you what strings to pluck and play and in no time, the pair of you were playing the song together and falling more and more in sync the more you played it.

“Can I show you something?” Maddie asked after one last play through of the song.

“Of course.” You nodded at her, resting your arms on your guitar.

Maddie set her guitar down and raced out of the room at full speed, you could hear her feet pounding up the stairs to the second floor and Heather yell out from the kitchen for her to slow down, but she didn't, and she came thundering back into the room with you, plopping down on carpet beside you, spreading out a crumpled piece of paper with several lines written in blue ball-point pen, with the title 'Cover Me in Sunshine' scribbled at the top in black sharpie.

“You wrote a song.” You identified it instantly.

“Yeah.” She nodded, vigorously. “I've never shown it to anyone else before though.”

“Have you ever sang it before?” You asked, reading through the lyrics.

“No.” She replied, becoming shy again. “I-..” She bit her lip and sighed. “I don't think I can sing that well.”

“Hm.” You pressed your lips together. “What can I do to help?” You asked, tilting your head at her.

“I know you're a really good singer.” She said, making you blush.

Maddie wasn't wrong, you had made your living as a recording artist, a successful and famous one at that, so it didn't surprise you that Maddie knew that you could sing.

“Could you sing it?” She asked.

“How about this.” You said, licking your lips. “Do you have a pencil?” You asked her.

“Yeah.” She nodded, getting up and crossing the room to grab it and came back, handing it to you.

“I'll sing these parts.” You drew a bracket around a set of lyrics. “We'll duet these together.” You underlined the lyrics you and Maddie would sing together. “And you can sing this last part.” You circled the last set of lyrics for her to sing on her own.

“How's that sound?” You asked, giving her an encouraging look and smile.

“Okay.” Maddie nodded, still shy and apprehensive, but willing to try, since you were.

“Good.” You nodded and the two of you picked up your guitars and started working on it.

“Hey, where did y/n go?” Heather asked, just realizing you hadn't come back from the bathroom.

Everyone stopped, frowning at each other, just then realizing the same. It had almost been an hour since you had excused yourself to go to the bathroom. Henry set his glass down and stepped out of the kitchen and went out to the hallway bathroom, the others following behind him, to make sure you were all right, when they all heard the sound of guitar music and singing coming from the den. They all looked at each other, confused, and followed it, stopping in the doorway of the den, finding you and Maddie sitting on the floor together, grinning and giggling, just having a blast together as you jammed out and played the song together, over and over.

You: I've been dreaming, friendly faces I've got so much time to kill Just imagine people laughing I know some day we will And even if it's far away Get me through another day.

You and Maddie: Cover me in sunshine Shower me with good times Tell me that the world's been spinning since the beginning And everything'll be alright Cover me in sunshine!

Maddie: Cover me in sunshine Shower me with good times Tell me that the world's been spinning since the beginning And everything'll be alright Cover me in sunshine!

You and Maddie were startled after finishing the song by their sudden and involuntary clapping, they were just so caught up in the moment and how amazingly beautiful the song was and how well the two of you played together, they were clapping before they knew it. Both of you blushed and became shy as the group funneled into the room with the two of you.

“That was amazing!” Everyone of them said, crowding around.

“Have you been sitting in here with her the whole time, just playing guitar and singing?” Henry asked, squatting down beside you, while the others clamored over Maddie, a huge smile on his face as his eyes sparkled with love.

“Yeah.” You chuckled, smiling. “I was coming back from the bathroom to join you guys again, when I heard her playing and came to check it out. One thing led to another and she taught me a song she composed, then a song she wrote and, well, you heard that by-product.” You said, motioning between you and Maddie.

“You wrote all that, Maddie?” Charlie asked, surprised by his daughter.

“Yeah.” She nodded, rubbing her arm.

“That's amazing.”

“It is.” You nodded, smiling at her. “She's got a lot of talent.” You complimented her.

You were impressed by Maddie, she had a natural talent.

“You think so?” Maddie asked, coming to life again.

“Completely.” You assured her, honestly.

Henry couldn't keep his eyes off of you, even after you joined him on the couch in the living room with the other adults, grinning like the love crazed man he was. The pair of you had been dating for several months and this was the first actual meeting you had with his family, he was positive you would hit off with his brother, sister-in-law and parents, but the connection you made with his niece had come out of nowhere and he was pleasantly surprised by it. The sound of you playing and singing with Maddie kept replaying over and over in Henry's head and it only elated him more.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you got into the car with him.

“Yeah, I'm great. Why?”

“Because, I'm worried your face is going to get stuck like that.” You chuckled, grinning at him.

“It just might, and I'm all right with that.” Henry replied, resting back in the driver's seat. “I've never had a girlfriend make such a connection with my family before.” He confessed to you, reaching out to rest his hand on your knee, gently squeezing it.

“Guess, I covered you in sunshine then.”

“More than you know.” He smiled, leaning over to kiss you.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Tedious Joys - Chapter 7 -

- Ao3 link -

“You could have mentioned that your father likes to kiss his saber,” Lan Qiren hissed at Nie Mingjue, who flailed helplessly as both of them tried to whisper outside of Lao Nie’s hearing – a task only rendered possible from the fact that he was currently scrubbing his hair extremely vigorously to get rid of all the dirt and grime, Lan Qiren’s extended hand firmly on his back. The jade pendant was back to hanging at his waist, since hasty experimentation had revealed that the physical contact with Lan Qiren was the key aspect, although the jade pendant seemed key as well - removing it appeared to make the contact less effective.

“He didn’t, did he? Are you all right?” Nie Mingjue asked, and he looked so serious and earnest about it, like he was going to march up to his father right then and there and challenge him over Lan Qiren’s honor or something if Lan Qiren implied that he should, that Lan Qiren’s irritation faded away at once.

“Only on the hand,” Lan Qiren assured him. “He didn’t take any liberties.”

That last part was more of a joke than anything else – however intimate Lao Nie was with her, Jiwei was still a saber – but Nie Mingjue looked alarmed. “You’ll say something if he does anything you’re uncomfortable with, right?” he asked anxiously, and Lan Qiren stared at him.

“Nie Mingjue,” he said stiffly, attempting to quell a little bit of possibly hysterical and definitely inappropriate laughter. “Is there something you need to tell me about you and Baxia…?”

“Tell you – oh! No, no, nothing like that,” Nie Mingjue said, turning bright red. “That’s not what I meant, Teacher Lan! Really, I swear!”

Lao Nie poked his head out of the water briefly to look at them both suspiciously, but accepted it when Lan Qiren shook his head at him and turned back away.

Nie Mingjue waited until his father was distracted to continue whispering. “I just meant – our sabers may be our partners, but it’s not…it’s not an equal distribution of authority, you know? In the end, they’re the weapons and we’re the masters.”

Lan Qiren frowned, finally understanding the nature of Nie Mingjue’s concern, and it was much more astute than he’d initially thought. “I see. So if Baxia refused to cultivate with you…?”

Nie Mingjue shifted uncomfortably from side to side. “Well, I mean, I wouldn’t, personally,” he said. “She’s my friend. But A-die’s always saying I’m too soft on her, that I need to take her more firmly in hand, so…I don’t know. It’d definitely be a few days before he forces the issue – uh, that is – I mean – not that he’d ever –”

“It won’t come to that,” Lan Qiren assured him. “A few days will give us enough time to come up with a plan, and at any rate I would not allow him to mistreat me.”

Nie Mingjue looked relieved, which was a flattering if perhaps not entirely accurate reflection of how strong he believed Lan Qiren to be.

“A good night’s rest will help more than anything,” Lan Qiren continued. “For him, and for you. I suggest you take advantage of it at once – actual sleep, not meditation.”

Nie Mingjue nodded again. “But he’s going to be all right?” he asked, anxious. “Eventually?”

Lan Qiren glanced at his friend, happily humming some bawdy song and appearing likely about to break out into actual singing at any moment, and felt a pain in his chest at the thought of what might be necessary.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I really don’t know. We’ll do everything we can for him.”

Nie Mingjue accepted that, taking a deep breath and centering himself, then striding away – he would probably go and do some work before he actually retired, rather than actually go straight to sleep, but Lan Qiren did not call him out on it. There was still a chance that Nie Mingjue would end up as sect leader, and then he wouldn’t have a choice in it at all.

After being tormented briefly by some rather off-key singing and extremely dubious lyrical choices, Lan Qiren found himself bundled off to Lao Nie’s quarters and into his bed, with Lao Nie curling up quite happily against his back.

“There are rules about judging other people,” Lan Qiren mumbled, staring at the wall and ignoring the feeling of Lao Nie’s chin on his shoulder. It was pointy, and they didn’t quite fit – Lan Qiren was the just barely taller of the two, although Lao Nie was broader, and his arms were heavy around him – and all in all Lan Qiren was not especially enjoying the experience of sharing a bed any more than he had any of the previous times it had been forced upon him by necessity, luckily small in number. “I am currently breaking it. I will need to think of a suitable punishment for myself later.”

“Judging me, sweetheart?” Lao Nie said into his ear, sounding amused. “What did I do?”

“Sleep in the same bed as an extremely sharp and angry blade, apparently.”

“Only when you’re angry at me,” Lao Nie said, completely shameless. Lan Qiren really didn’t know why he’d been expecting anything different, really. “You know, it’s much easier to hold you in my arms when you’re like this, all soft, even if your hips are a bit knobby. I like it.”

Lan Qiren sighed.

The next morning, Lan Qiren woke at the prescribed time and performed his morning ablutions in the time before Lao Nie woke, settling himself down beside the bed to play calming music and think about what could be behind Lao Nie’s current fixation on believing that he was Jiwei.

He thought it must have something to do with the jade pendant he had cultivated on Lao Nie’s behalf. Indeed, now that he thought about it, that might in fact be the problem – he had cultivated the pendant, not Lao Nie, and he had done it using Jiwei’s spiritual energy. A Nie saber had only one master, but he had apparently won enough of Jiwei’s respect for her to allow him access to some part of her; just as Lao Nie had intertwined himself with his saber, so to had Lan Qiren, albeit unknowingly and at a distance. There was certainly no overly intimate sharing of qi between them, but they had an undeniable connection. That might explain it.

There was also the ongoing mystery of why the pendant burned so fiercely. It had always been reactive to Jiwei’s anger, full of her spiritual energy and spillover rage as it was, but Jiwei was gone – shattered. Whose energy was powering it now? And how could it maintain such a high level of energy, so hot as to damage someone like Lan Qiren, who while not martially inclined was still a powerful cultivator in his own right?

He had more questions than answers.

Unfortunately, he did not have a great deal of time to find answers. If Lao Nie’s condition persisted – he hoped that it wouldn’t, that his friend would wake knowing who Lan Qiren was and not in a horrible rage, but he wasn’t optimistic – they would need to find a solution, and fast. Lao Nie was the unquestioned master of his sect and even he’d only managed to leave it behind for a month and a half before his duties forced him to return; Lan Qiren was a substitute for his brother, a pale and inferior custodian put in place solely to fill the time between the generations, and his sect elders would never let him forget it. There was no way he would be able to stay away so long.

And if he left…

“Jiwei,” Lao Nie murmured in his sleep, which had become restless. His face had gone from a neutral expression to a frown, twisted in anger and pain, and when he opened his eyes, they were once again red. The music was not helping. “My saber – Jiwei…where is my saber?” Lao Nie struggled to sit up. “Where is it? Give her to me!”

Lan Qiren stopped playing and reached out his hand, interlocking his fingers with Lao Nie’s as if they were back once again to all those years ago when he had been a slow, stuttering child and Lao Nie a kind young adult, taking him in hand to show him the basics of night-hunting without worrying about him falling over his own feet.

He watched as the red slowly faded out of Lao Nie’s eyes – not gone entirely, still there, a thin pink film that seemed as though it could be blinked out of existence.

He sighed.

“My friend,” he said. “I am going to need your help with this.”

“Anything,” Lao Nie said, then paused and amended to, “Anything that won’t cause undue harm.”

“It involves research.”

“…one could argue that that would be undue harm to my ability to enjoy my free time.”

Lan Qiren shook his hand lightly. “You are in need of healing. Do you understand what I am saying?”

The humor slowly faded out of Lao Nie’s face.

“You had a qi deviation,” Lan Qiren said bluntly. “The one you’ve been afraid of, the one you always knew was coming – it happened. You went mad, years before your time. But you did not die, and so there is still hope…but I will need your help. I will need you to try to get better. I cannot do this without you.”

Lao Nie looked at him, lips pressed together tightly.

Lan Qiren waited, patient. Whatever the reason for it, Lao Nie regained much of his clarity when they were in contact – and if he could think, he could be an ally in this. He would have to be.

“The strangers weren’t strangers, were they,” Lao Nie said abruptly, and it wasn’t a question. Lan Qiren looked at him. “A-Jue…I was the one who did that to him, wasn’t I? I was the one that hurt him. That’s why you wouldn’t tell me about it yesterday.”

Lan Qiren nodded.

Lao Nie looked away, angry – real anger, this time, and entirely self-directed – but it was only a few moments before he collected himself and looked back, his eyes bright with tears but fiercely determined. “What can I do to help?”

“For now, answer my questions, no matter how unusual,” Lan Qiren instructed, and Lao Nie nodded. “First question: who am I?”

“…Jiwei.”

They were still there, then, although Lao Nie sounded much less sure about it than he had the night before. Lan Qiren fumbled for the pendant at his waist. “Can you sense the spiritual energy in this? Whose is it?”

Lao Nie reached for the pendant and focused. “Also Jiwei.” This time, he sounded more confident.

“The energy in the pendant exceeds what I previously put in there,” Lan Qiren said. “Do you know why?”

Lao Nie frowned down at the pendant. “I’m not sure,” he said. “Have you cultivated with it recently?”

Lan Qiren arched his eyebrows, think that that would be rather difficult without Jiwei around to transfer energy from. “No, I haven’t. Why?”

“There’s something strange about it, that’s all.” He shook the pendant lightly. “Familiar. Same as you, but not; same as me, but not. It wants to fly.”

Lan Qiren stared at him blankly.

Lao Nie shrugged and scratched at his beard. “What did A-Jue say about it?”

“…Mingjue?” Lan Qiren asked blankly. “Say? About what?”

Lao Nie blinked at him. “Well, he’s the only other one with a similar pendant, right?”

Actually, Lan Qiren had made one for little Nie Huaisang, too – he used it as the base of his fan tassel, transferred from one fan to another – but it wasn’t really relevant to him yet, weak cultivator that he was. But that was a good point: in his fear for Nie Mingjue’s health, his worry for his safety, he had forgotten that Nie Mingjue was the closest thing they had to another perspective on the connection between pendant and saber.

Lan Qiren frowned at his oversight. “I’ll ask Mingjue to join us.”

Nie Mingjue looked better already, even if Lan Qiren’s heart hurt at how cautious he was around his father, at how Lao Nie could barely stand to look at the colorful bruises littering his son’s face. “What can I do?”

“Take this pendant,” Lao Nie said, holding it out.

Nie Mingjue extended his hand in return and Lao Nie dropped the pendant into it before Lan Qiren could intervene and point out why it was a terrible idea to just hand it over to someone who was both unprepared and little more than a child, however talented a genius he might be. The second it touched Nie Mingjue’s palm, he yelped and nearly dropped it, Lan Qiren snatching it away from him with his free hand before it could fall to the floor.

“It hurts!” he exclaimed, as Lan Qiren might have expected.

What he did not expect, however, was that Baxia abruptly drew herself, hurtling out of her sheath to hang in midair, emanating the distinct sensation of rage that was the characteristic of a Nie saber.

The pendant abruptly flared up, the heat in it rising as if in response to Baxia’s challenge, and Lan Qiren had to temporarily free himself from Lao Nie to quickly loop a guqin string through the pendant, letting it dangle away from his flesh, and then returned his hand to his friend before the red got too far into his eyes.

“What in the world is going on?” he demanded. “Lao Nie – explain.”

“I have no idea,” Lao Nie said, rubbing his eyes as if he realized something had happened to him in the brief interlude where they were separated. “They’re…fighting. I think? How can they be fighting? Why would a saber start a fight with a piece of jade?”

“Can you ask Baxia?” Lan Qiren asked Nie Mingjue, who was still clutching at his hand and looking blankly at them both. “I know it doesn’t exactly work as cleanly as all that, but your father always said you had an unusually strong connection…”

Nie Mingjue reached out and caught Baxia by the hilt, brow creased in a frown. “It really doesn’t work that way, Teacher Lan. All I can tell is that she’s angry.” He hesitated. “She feels betrayed.”

“Betrayed?” Lan Qiren asked, surprised. “But – how can she be betrayed? That would imply an initial association, familiarity, that something changed…”

“Jiwei,” Lao Nie suddenly said. He was staring at the pendant swinging in Lan Qiren’s hand. “Jiwei’s in the pendant.”

Nie Mingjue glanced at Lan Qiren, clearly concerned that his father had simply started seeing Jiwei in everything, but Lan Qiren bit his lip, thinking it over seriously.

He had initially thought that the reason for Lao Nie’s mistaken impression of him was because he had cultivated with the pendant using Jiwei’s energy, acting in Lao Nie’s place, and thereby he had been imprinted with the qi of the saber, that it had been that shadow upon him that Lao Nie had recognized.

But what if he had thought about it backwards?

“Is it possible,” he said slowly, wishing he knew more about the saber spirits, wishing that he’d had more time, wishing even that his Xinfei could speak as clearly as a saber could, “Mingjue, is it possible that Jiwei’s spirit is in the pendant? The saber spirit itself, I mean, as opposed to the physical saber?”

Nie Mingjue goggled at him. “In the pendant, Teacher Lan? A saber? But how?”

“I tied the two together using resonance,” Lan Qiren explained. Poor tone-deaf Nie Mingjue had never really understood what he was doing with his music, which Lan Qiren couldn’t blame him for – it was esoteric even by musical cultivation standards. He’d more or less made the entire thing up over the past few years. “Adjusting the internal music of the jade to match Jiwei, so that the two recognized each other – and, once recognized, forged a connection between them. That’s what allowed me to continue to draw out Jiwei’s anger even from a distance.”

Both Nie nodded, listening intently. Good students, both of them, for all their occasional faults; if only he had three dozen like them. As a teacher, it was the highest compliment he knew to speak.

“The unusual heat started, as far as we can tell, when the saber shattered,” he continued, now thinking out loud. “If Jiwei’s anger can transfer from one container to the other through the pathway forged by the resonance, why couldn’t the rest of her spirit do the same? Why couldn’t she come to possess the jade if she so wished?”

He wasn’t sure what to do with that idea, in all fairness – he might speak of questioning the sabers, might have reluctantly accepted them as having some form of sentience, but the idea of an entire spirit transferring from one body to another within the same lifetime in a method not unlike possession was rather disturbing. But at the same time he couldn’t imagine any other reason for Baxia to try to challenge a jade pendant to a duel.

Proud, strong Baxia, the only match to Nie Mingjue’s matchless talent, so fearsome that even other saber spirits yielded before her…

“But –” Nie Mingjue glanced sidelong at his father. “Teacher Lan, he also thinks you’re Jiwei.”

“Because I cultivated the pendant,” Lan Qiren said, because it made a certain amount of sense. “There are two types of spiritual energy in there: Jiwei’s and my own. Perhaps when I offered him the pendant, he recognized Jiwei in there, and also me, and thereby conflated the two…”

“I’m right here, you know,” Lao Nie interjected. “Being talked about as if I’m not.”

Lan Qiren leveled a quelling look at him.

Lao Nie gave him an arch look in return. “Just reminding you that I understand spoken speech, in the event you’ve forgotten.”

“Very well,” Lan Qiren said tetchily. “In that case, who I am again?”

Lao Nie paused, eyes traveling between Lan Qiren, the pendant dangling from his hand, and Nie Mingjue.

“You feel like Jiwei,” he said hesitantly. “But – the strangers felt like strangers, and weren’t. So you’re – not Jiwei. You’re…” He glanced at Nie Mingjue again, seeking external confirmation that his senses were misleading him; Nie Mingjue nodded eagerly. His gaze slide back to Lan Qiren. “Qiren?”

“Well done,” Lan Qiren said, full of relief. “Full marks, passing grade. Would it be possible for you to stop calling me ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ now?”

Lao Nie – despite being the shameless scoundrel that he was – abruptly flushed bright red, while Nie Mingjue covered his face with his hands.

“I understand, of course,” Lan Qiren assured him. “What passes between a man and his spiritual weapon is very private, and –”

“Stop talking,” Lao Nie growled. “Just – stop talking.”

[kim-lexie]

true beauty.

THIS DRAMA WAS UN-EXPECTANT. HILARIOUS. CUTE. AND PRECIOUS. we got cha eunwoo, our bae. with our newest bestest boy, hwang in-yeop. and our queen, mun ka-young. what else would one need in a drama?! i was excited when they announced the creation of this drama, because like so many of us i love the webtoon. that is overlooking the faults of the basis of the theme with shallow standards of beauty, it is great. and i love our characters. i especially love how the writers of the drama utilized the great structures of the webtoon’s characters and created another world. i rate it a 10 out of 10.

we follow our leading lady im ju-kyung as she overcomes bullying at her old school for being ‘ugly’. she was cast out and a ‘dumpling runner’, running around for the group of bullies. she finds a passion for makeup and masters it, becoming a new person with a ‘new face’ after putting it on. she starts life at a new school with her new face. she stumbles into an old place of comfort without her new face, the comic book store, and runs into the school prince, lee suho. this ensues with a bout of lying; unsuccessfully, because suho knows that she is the same im ju-kyung that started at his school. he protects her secret, and it leads their relationship to grow closer. we follow them through their years at high school, as she hides her face and later hiding their relationship from their classmates. this drama continues to follow them through their young adult years. 

now on to the spoilers…

overall, once again i must always state that i don’t love it when they take this shallow perspective and over dramatize the conventional aspects of beauty. im ju-kyung, who is supposedly not conventionally beautiful and they dramatize her redness and pimples, etc. she does all these wild things to hide her true identity from those around her at school. thankfully the writers did not try to pull that ‘oh my goodness, i didn’t know that was you under the makeup’ game because our suho is not a shallow cookie and looks below the surface. because that game is ridiculous and i would have died. i am thankful the ending that this drama took, because i was nervous especially at the start that it was going to go the duration of the show with no-one knowing her true face, like the webtoon. thankfully we had a character revelation unfortunately not on her own timing. but she had grown as a person and had a team of people behind her allowing her to shine and overcome. we love character development. it’s great. it makes my heart happy. we started the drama with her completely swallowed whole by the perception that she wanted to portray to those around her, not showing her true beauty. because she was a beautiful person who wanted to protect those around her, and once she let go of this facade and mask she was able to fully be the person she was destined to be.

i loved suho’s character in this. he had so many layers and i love that they didn’t make it like the webtoon in this aspect. i love how their relationship started in the comic store and ended there. he grew so much, and became livelier because he knew im ju-kyung. his character was so stoic and overcome with sadness at the start. his best friend committed suicide and he blamed himself for this, which was completely out of his control. im ju-kyung showed him that it was not his fault and they came to protect one another. also love how the writers had him pursue music producing at the end, and even produced for seo-jun’s debut. he was such a great son, after him and his father finally reconnected and then he suffered a stroke, crazy! suho went to the states to care for his father. definitely lost in this, he broke up with ju-kyung as to not hold her back, which was silly and even though he was across the world they could have made it work. they’d been through so much worse, but that’s for another drama universe.

han seo-jun our brooding character with a light personality just beneath the surface. i loved seeing his character at home and with his crew, compared to walking through the school halls. (hello, ‘okey dokey yo’). his character always fiercely protected those around him and i just love seo-jun. i love that he came to pursue his career as an idol, and ended up debuting at the end. he worked so hard and deserved the world and more. and i have to say i hate the second male lead dramas, because they break my heart. he changed so much because im ju-kyung’s character grew him and challenged him in new ways. i knew seo-jun would not get the girl. i knew this from the start. did that stop me from loving his character? no. no, it didn’t. did it stop me from cheering for him, even though i loved suho? no. so who ends up heartbroken in the end with him? me. i do. so here i am weeks after the finale, thinking about how seo-jun told ju-kyung that suho was leaving for the states to  send her running after another guy, and ultimately bringing the two of them together. thinking about all those years suho was in the states, when seo-jun treasured their friendship and was with her quietly supporting her in her dreams, for her to ultimately leave for suho. sad. that’s what it is, the definition of sadness. and goodness gracious where is my seo-jun? i will love you and treasure you honey. you do not need ju-kyung, i got you boo.

i must add that hwang in-yeop can show up in my life any day, and i will graciously stop everything and marry this man. i love all of his dramas thus far, his character from the interviews i’ve seen, i love him. he is a favorite. i am expectant for the upcoming dramas he will surely steal the show in.  

the friendship between seo-jun and suho was so multifaceted. i love how we saw how their relationship was before when they were a trio, and then the brokenness when seo-jun blamed suho, to then seeing them come together because they realized they both cut one another off when they should have leaned on one another instead. it was sweet and i loved their bromance moments. they truly stole the show away. it was hilarious and fun with them together. and i appreciate that the relationship between suho and ju-kyung didn’t break the two apart in the end.  

i need to make note how much i love im ju-kyung’s family. like her siblings were iconic. her sister im hee-kyung and her relationship with eui-sik, the homeroom teacher. ICONIC. and im ju-young, her brother, and his precious attempts at winning seojun’s sister’s heart. PRECIOUS. i would 10 out of 10 watch a spin off with the focus on these characters. i loved when ju-kyung’s mom realized all the trauma that her daughter endured how she went to mending the broken pieces to rebuild their relationship. and i love how sweet her dad was, always encouraging her dreams. and i love how they all wanted the best for her, and supported her dreams of becoming a makeup artist. 

i am so sad that whenever we get a great friendship between our leading ladies they end up in awful relations at some point in the drama. our kang soo-jin and im ju-kyung were the best of friends. she even found out about ju-kyung’s secret and protected her to get back to the tent when they were on the trip. and then when ju-kyung started to date suho, soo-jin got everything twisted. i appreciate how suho let her know that no matter the situation he would not have ended up with her, because he didn’t see her in that way. and i loved the seo-jun put her in her place and confronted her for posting the photos of im ju-kyung online. i am thankful that we had the revelation for soo-jin’s character and came back to apologize to ju-kyung in the end. it was sweet and genuine. she came to see why she was like the way she was, grew from it, and apologized for her past behaviors. 

i love how suho and ju-kyung’s world’s connected. from the comic book store, to high school, to her sister working at his father’s music agency. it was complete destiny that they ended up together. i love a good ‘it is destiny, it was meant to be'. 

the webtoon drama inception was REAL. i loved that they added those little easter eggs throughout the drama with the little connections to ‘extraordinary you’. i loved it. 

favorite moments. 

the flashback comic book store scenes. 

the games at the camping trip.

roar...like any and all instances of this. precious. 

ju-kyung confessing that she liked suho to seo-jun, and crushing my team seojun heart.

suho and ju-kyung’s first kiss.

suho daring to hand ju-kyung a cup in the elevator. ㅋㅋㅋ

seojun and suho fighting over making the best dumplings at ju-kyung’s house.

seojun showing up to help his sister, and im ju-young getting so excited that han seojun came to save the day. 

im ju-kyung sticking up for herself against her new and old school bullies. like the legit fist fight and then the one when she stood up for suho. when they came for her man she was like ‘heck no, not today honey’.

seojun and suho at the hospital and having to care for each other to complete daily tasks. really brought them together again. > also this accident was super dramatic. but we love that everything was chill in the end. 

im ju-young being traumatized by his eldest sister kissing her boyfriend, and then encouraging ju-kyung and suho to kiss.

tteokbokki between seo-jun and ju-kyung.

‘okey dokey yo’...ICONIC to say the least. 

the ost.

the ost did not disappoint. we even got cha eunwoo and hwang in-yeop tracks! here are my top favorites including the beautiful cover renditions:

‘call me maybe’ by SAya

‘i’m in the mood’ for dancing by yuju

‘starlight’ by chani

‘love so fine’ by cha eunwoo

‘flowerpot’ originally by alex, covered by hwang in-yeop

‘it starts today’ by hwang in-yeop

‘how do you do’ by chani

‘to you my light’ originally by maktub and lee raon, covered by hwang in-yeop.

[builder051]

The talk

Chasing Ghosts

(I generally do not play in this arena; DO NOT ask for other stories with PMS, etc., as illness features. I do loosely plan to continue this thread, though. Or @mohini-musing might pick up for me.)

Warnings: weight (though not ED context), SA inc. prostitution, blood, emeto

____________________________

Tasha comes down the hall and stands like a ghost behind the sofa.

James is in the recliner across the living room, and he barely looks up from the textbook he's pretending to peruse. The quiet music he's had playing in one ear has long since captured his attention more than the multiplication of matrices. He's fairly sure he'll never use the skill lest he become a software engineer post-graduation, and the prospect of that's looking pretty slim.

He sees Tasha out of his peripheral vision, but doesn't move his head or lift his eyes for acknowledgment. She's probably drifted down from her weekend high, realized it's Sunday night, and gotten up for a Gatorade and maybe a glance at her homework.

Steve, though, who's lying on his stomach and taking up the whole of the couch, practically jumps to attention. He stands, scoots, and sits again in the amount of time it takes James to blink and make the first inhalation of a laugh.

"Sorry," Steve says, as if he's personally offended Tasha and just been called out. "I didn't mean... I was just, like, studying..."

Tasha shrugs. "Didn't come to sit with you," she says, in a voice that recalls the 'boys are gross' tone of young teenagerhood.

"What's up, then?" James asks, trying to bring back the balance of the room's atmosphere.

Tasha makes an ugly face. She opens her mouth, then shuts it. "Can I talk to you alone?"

James scoffs. "You think there's privacy in this apartment?"

"I can go, I don't know--" Steve looks around.

"Just talk," James says. He almost rolls his eyes, but the undercurrent of Tasha's affect seems to hold an air of seriousness. If there's something she needs to confess or ask for help with, he doesn't want her to feel less than secure.

Tasha lets out a breathy sort of sigh. "Blood," she says. "There's blood."

"Huh?" Steve responds first. "Where?"

James takes a little longer to contemplate the admission. Has she cut herself? There's no visible damage; Tasha's not holding an injury or howling in pain. Bloody vomit? That's nothing new, really, and even with vampire-red teeth, which she doesn't have, Tasha probably wouldn't come crying to him.

James is still thinking when Tasha points vaguely down the hall and to the left, which is, technically speaking, her side of the apartment. Or at least the bedroom and bathroom they'd parceled out for her when they'd unofficially moved her out of her dreary campus housing.

"What, in your room?" Steve asks.

"No." Tasha screws up her eyes. "I mean... I'm bleeding."

The cogs continue to turn in James's head, and just as he lands on an answer, Steve gives up, shaking his head and saying, "I don't get it."

"Fuck you," Tasha mumbles. "Both of you." She turns and starts to head back down the hallway.

"Tash." James jumps to his feet, his algebra book falling to the floor.

"You guys are fucking gay..."

"Hey!" Steve interjects.

James flaps his hand at Steve to shut him up. "Maybe we're gay, but I'm your big brother." He shoots a quick glance at Steve, hoping this won't surpass his no privacy promise. They've done some pretty wild stuff together: partying, puking, cleaning the carpet... Period talk shouldn't be too far out of their wheelhouse. At least, not if Tasha wants to talk about it.

Tasha huffs and rounds the edge of the sofa. She stands beside the arm, leaning her hip against it for a moment, before finally deciding to sit down, as far away from Steve as possible.

"I..." James starts, assuming it's his responsibility to keep the conversation going. "I assumed you hadn't been, um. You know."

Tasha's 100 pounds soaking wet. In her usual cutoff shorts and tank tops, he'd give her 95. Maybe 92 if she's detoxing. James assumes she has something like female athlete triad going on, except without the athlete. He doesn't like to think she's just too skinny to go through... normal biological processes. If he blames the drugs, sees them as wrecking her body instead of bringing her solace, then he'll have to turn eyes on himself, and there's no way in hell he wants to do that.

"Smart one," Tasha says. "And exactly how much thought do you give to the functioning of my uterus?"

Steve gives an 'oh shit' face, looking from James to Tasha and back again as if wondering how he's been so thick headed. James agrees, but is also relieved, in a way, that his boyfriend hasn't been thinking about his sister in, well, that way.

"Seeing as I have, more than once, pulled you out of an R-rated situation with iffy consent, and you have yet to become pregnant--" James starts.

"Yeah, ok, you don't have to..." Tasha shakes her head.

James decides not to stop his momentum. "Do you know how much sex you're having? How often you're using protection?"

"I said, you don't have to." Tasha glares at him. "I don't have one. A cycle, or whatever. I can't get knocked up."

"Well, I figured that, but you can still get an STD--

"I don't think you're hearing me," Tasha says. "I don't have one. I haven't. Like, ever."

"But--what?" James squints and cocks his head. "What about, what was it? Cheerleading camp?"

"That stupid summer program when I was 16?" Tasha bites her lip. "Yeah, that was a lie."

"You're losing me." Steve reminds them he's part of the conversation as well.

"What, didn't your mom send you to cheerleading camp when you were a sullen teen?" Tasha asks him, seemingly in all seriousness.

"Um. No." Steve withers a little under her stare. "There was a threat to beat it out of me with a bible when I was that age, but that never came to fruition."

"Mm. Fun times." Tasha scrubs her hair back from her face. "I told mom of the moment I started at camp, so then she couldn't go nuts about the moment I 'became a woman,' or whatever."

Tasha has always seemed like a little kid to James. Her stint at camp had only taken place... he quickly calculates... 3ish years ago. Tasha is a kid. She hasn't busted 20 years old yet. But, for the first time James wonders if other, more metaphorical factors are at play.

The idea quickly fades, though, when he remembers the actual topic at hand. "Ok, but Tash," James says. "What's actually going on right now?"

Tasha practically sinks into the couch cushions. She wraps both arms around her abdomen. "Blood," she says. "Kinda...everywhere."

"We'll clean the bathroom later," James says dismissively.

"And I'll do laundry," Steve offers. "I used to be the scrawny kid who got beat up a lot. I can do bloodstains."

"Not helping, babe," James tells him before Tasha can get a word in.

"Feel sick," Tasha admits, rather suddenly.

"Bathroom it is, then," James decides. "But, let's use mine."

Tasha seems to have turned into a shapeless blob on the corner of the couch, her chest meeting her thighs with her arms still wrapped around her stomach. Her face is in her knees, which James has to admit, would be easier to clean than the carpet.

"Come on," he says gently, taking Tasha's shoulder. "If you're gonna puke, don't do it here, please."

"But I already diiiiid," Tasha complains, drawing out the last word and adding the hiccup of a fake crying fit.

"Sorry." James hooks his flesh arm across Tasha's chest and lets her cling to him down the hall. He takes her into his and Steve's disorganized yet bleach-shined bathroom. Cleaning was practically Steve's hobby. Yet keeping down the clutter? Not his strong suit.

Unsure of exactly what kind of sick his sister intends to be, he sets her down, fully clothed, on the toilet, which, of course, has the seat up. Then he dives for the trash can and shoves it into Tasha's chest.

She gives James an appreciative glare, then sets her chin on the edge of the trash can, ostensibly to wait for an upcoming retch. James can practically see it, rising from the bottom of her spine, up her back, to her neck and throat before finally pushing a pitiful amount of spit and bile out of her mouth.

"Ok..." James sighs. If she's down to just that, she's been at it a while. Lost a lot of fluids already.

"Gatorade?" Steve asks in a chipper tone, putting voice to what James is thinking without a trace of delicacy.

"Hmph." Tasha spits. "If it'll... make it stop burning..."

"Lemme guess, vodka last night?" James tries to make her laugh. Maybe cough.

"Fuck you."

"Eh, we'll talk about that later," James says, hoping he doesn't sound threatening. "For now, how about I go with you?" James pulls on Steve's arm and heads for the bathroom door.

"Hey, you said no privacy here..." Tasha's irritated and sickly voice trails after them.

"Yeah, well, puking people aren't allowed to leave the bathroom," James says. "That's the house rule that trumps all the others."

"But I puke on the couch all the time--"

"That's because it's too hard to get your fucking limp-ass octopus body into the bathroom in the first place." James rolls his eyes. "Just sit tight."

He quickly drags Steve into the kitchen. "Ok," he says. "You have to know about this stuff. You took health class in high school, right?"

"I've lived with a woman," Steve reminds James, a little shamefully. "But Peggy was super private. You know, like inhibited, about, like, um..."

"Yeah, I get it." James shrugs. Then, "Did you know you can stem a nosebleed with a tampon?"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know..." James shakes his head.

"Why do you?" Steve looks a little take aback now.

"The field. Desert air's pretty damn dry."

"Ah. Ok."

"We'd get donations of shit from the states. Care packages, Costco overstock, you know. Just, whatever. When we got pads and stuff, whoever was unloading the box would just hold them over their head and yell 'who needs them?'"

"And I'm assuming people would just raise their hands?" Steve postulates.

"Yup." James pops the P. "No privacy. Everyone knows everyone else's bathroom habits. When you're deep in the field, there's no men's and women's facilities. Half the time the privies don't even have doors."

"Ok." Steve nods. "Experience, then. You have lots of experience."

James shrugs again. "You have to be chill, ok?" He opens the fridge and pulls out two bottles of Gatorade. He holds one to either side of Steve's neck, as if to physically cool him. "This is, like, super weird and awkward for her. She's really scared, I think, and her brave face just looks...jerk-ish."

"Yeah." Steve takes the Gatorade. "I can be good with this. I really care about her, even if she doesn't think I do."

"I know you do," James says. "It's all in the presentation right now, though. She's skittish. But, also, for some reason, willing to talk. We have to tease it out. And you can't ruin it, ok?"

"Ok, ok." Steve seems to understand, even if he doesn't appreciate the words.

They head back to the bathroom, where Tasha has, for whatever reason, decided to heave into the toilet instead of the trash. She squats awkwardly, sitting on one heel. From the angle he's at, James can see a spreading stain on the back of Tasha's shorts, which has made an imprint on her ankle and the bottom of her foot.

"Don't move," James says, reaching for a towel.

"The fuck would I?" Tasha coughs, holding her stomach and moaning.

"Well, when you're done, stand up slowly and wipe your feet."

"...Shit..." Tasha spits. "Like I said. It's fucking everywhere."

"Yeah..." Menstrual blood, James has no experience with. But blood in general, yeah. It does get fucking everywhere. There's that first moment when the entire body and all its systems are still in shock, like when the arm is first blown off, and then all he can see is red. Even the bone that was white just a second ago is lost in a sea of scarlet--

"Well, I suppose congratulations are in order," Steve says with a grin, clearly trying to be friendly, but missing out on one, or more, of the points. "You're not pregnant."

"Well, of course I'm not, you dingbat," Tasha replies, rolling her eyes so hard that James is sure it must give her a headache. If she doesn't already have one. "And besides. He used a condom."

"Wait," James says. He's been preoccupied by not looking at Steve. "You know that?" he pokes cautiously. "For sure?"

"...Yeah..."

"Every time?"

"To be honest," Tasha starts, spitting and pushing herself away from the toilet. She crab-walks to the towel, wipes her feet, then sits on it, criss-cross like a little kid. "I don't know if he actually gets off every time." She draws her mouth into a straight, defensive line.

"The fuck does that have to do with anything?" James asks.

Steve looks very much like he wants to get the bleach from the cabinet under the sink, pour it into one ear, tip his head, and see if it comes out the other.

"He pulls out," Tasha says bluntly. "And there's never any, you know. Gunk."

"Wait, he does both?" Steve's eyebrows disappear into his hair. "A condom and--"

"Ok, ok." James puts up his hands to shush them both. "And this is, what, this is your dealer we're talking about?"

"Yeah, I guess, if you want to call him that," Tasha says with a shrug.

"What else would we call him?" Steve now looks disgusted. "That'd be stupid to let him just, like, defile you every week."

"He doesn't--" Tasha starts, but then she hiccups, and maybe thinks better of what she was going to say. She still stares Steve down, though, then looks to James as if grasping at straws of support.

"He's, like, a manufacturer?" Tasha turns her gaze sideways.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." James puts his hand over his face. He'd assumed Tasha was getting her stuff on the street, through a framework of various interlopers. Now he's getting news that his kid sister is taking substances thrown together in some coed's bathtub? This is too much.

"Tash--" James starts, trying hard to keep his bubbling anger and concern from spilling over.

"He's a PhD candidate," Tasha says defensively. In Chemistry. And--" her eyes flicker from side to side as she seems to wonder what's appropriate to spill. "I won't tell you his name. But... I'll tell you that he got kicked off the football team for being too violent, but he still wears his green jersey all the time to prove how much better and calmer he's become since that happened, which was only in the freshman year of his undergrad..." Tasha babbles on.

The more she defends the guy, the more James hates him. He feels bad for him a little, slinging synthesized crack to get by. He feels better for Tasha, knowing that what she's taking is most probably pure. But the sex thing is--

"It's kinda creepy," Steve says, taking the words right from James's mouth. "Like, how much older than you is he?"

"I don't know." Tasha shrugs. "Not that much, I don't think. Started school early, finished fast. And I'm not sure this is his first post-graduate program..."

"Maybe shouldn't've added that last part," James says, screwing up his eyes. "So he's had, like, however long to prey on girls who are barely legal. Who might not even be legal..."

"Well, I'm legal, and I can do what I want." Tasha crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Yeah," James sighs. "Unfortunately."

"But what about the thing with the handcuffs? The gang rape? Losing your bra?" Steve blurts out.

"Wait, you..." Tasha's eyes flash with anger. "You told him?"

"What did I say about privacy?" James quickly reminds her. "The non-puking kind? And, um," He looks to Steve. "Maybe a little respect?"

"Sorry," Steve mutters. "But--I really do--"

"I don't really remember that stuff," Tasha says.

James studies her face, but he can't tell if she's lying.

"Probably just party stuff that got out of hand."

'You mean you were too stoned to know the difference between your regular and some random dude off the street,' James thinks. 'What do you do at parties? And how the fuck do you slip past me?'

"He's your pimp, too, isn't he?" Steve asks, pointing at Tasha rather accusatorially, in James's opinion.

"No!" Tasha leans forward and brings her arms down to cover her clearly still sore abdomen. "Bruce wouldn't--" She swallows. "I didn't-- You didn't hear--"

James hasn't been a student long enough to know who was on the football team 4, 5, 6-odd years ago. He supposes he could look it up, crossing the name with accounts of any violent incident that amount of time ago. He's not sure he wants to, though he'll probably wind up looking it up later. Either that, or Steve will. James still has his ex-mil connections, a few of which were absorbed into the local police force. Steve, on the other hand, is better with social media and navigating the niceties of such mysteries as SnapChat and TikTok.

"Ok, fine," James says, just ameliorate his sister's panic.

"He doesn't even drug me at parties," Tasha goes on, probably unaware of how terribly young and desperate she sounds, making lame-ass excuses so she can keep her boy toy.

"And you've had other guys who did?" Steve asks incredulously, even though James shakes his head frantically at him to try to get him to shut up.

"You know Rumlow?" Tasha asks, since apparently she's now all about spilling names.

James shakes his head, but Steve screws up his eyes and says in a disgusted voice, "him?"

"Yeah..." Tasha sighs and looks down at her fingernails, which are stained rust-red at the root. "Remember the night I didn't come home?"

"Yeah, and scared the living shit out of us because your phone was off," James fills in the blanks.

"Well, I didn't turn it off."

"You mean that asshole kept you overnight without any means of getting yourself out of there?" Steve looks downright sick. "I mean, I know he looks slimy, but that?"

"I think Maria accidentally slept on the couch and found me at, like, 6am trying to stick my head in the linen closet because I couldn't find the bathroom." Tasha laughs, though the situation is anything bur funny.

"And I was so pissed at her for having you out all night..." James trails off.

"Yeah, maybe respect my choices a little more?" Tasha glares at him. "I mean, Maria's studying to become an EMT now. You can't think that badly of her."

'Great,' James thinks. 'Someone who'll drug Tasha to the gills every weekend.' She'll be less likely to overdose, but James has seen it all too often in the field. Newly minted medical personnel eager to sow off their skills and rushing into action.

"Yeah," James says, trying not to smirk. "So you got a girlfriend and a boyfriend now?"

"Ew, no," Tasha replies. "Friends with...benefits, I guess. If you even want to call it that. Folks who look out for each other, using a barter system?"

"Did you recently take World History?" James can't help but poking at her vocabulary.

"Fucking-a, I don't know. Once I pass, it's in my past."

"That's actually a good motto," Steve points out.

"Anyway," James says, bringing the conversation back to topic. "None of your...friends... are invited to this house."

"It's not like I want to bring them over for dinner," Tasha replies. "I guess drop off and pickup might happen, since, well, you know now, and I don't have a car." She shrugs. "Cool?"

James hates the idea of someone inebriated driving a car in which his sister is a passenger, despite the fact that he's done it before. Regularly, actually. Maybe he just hates the idea of the driver being someone who Tasha just fucked. The air might be heavy between them. They might smell like each other's deodorant and musk. They might kiss each other good bye. The thought makes James's stomach turn.

But, "sure," he says. "That's fine.” At least she'll come home.

James shares a glance with Steve, which seems to confirm the same sentiments, "Yeah," Steve echoes, as if his opinion counts for anything. "Fine."

[babyspiderling]

Tiny Dancer p.2

"Just stare into space, picture my face in your hands. Live for each second without hesitation"

"Janet, you can't tell anyone about this." Michael tells her, focused on damage control. Janet fires back without hesitation. "The hell you mean I can't tell anyone? Marlon owes me ten bucks now." I roll my eyes, patting Michael on the back. "Mike,I'm sure your brothers are looking for you. I don't think we want anyone else listening in on this conversation anyways. I'll talk to Jan, ok?" He glances back and forth between his younger sister and I, a concerned look deep in his face. He sighs out an "Ok, fine." and heads back to his dressing room. I turn back to the youngest Jackson. "Listen Jan, I only want what's best for Mike. If it were up to him, and if the circumstances were different, you'd be the first to know on purpose. The world may be changing fast, but we've got a long way to go. The media would flip if word got out that The Michael Jackson was with not only his seamstress, but a white chick at that. Not to mention your father. God, he would kill us if he found out. He'd fire me and i'd never see Michael or any of you again." I deflate in front of her eyes, letting myself show vulnerability to the fifteen year old. "I really do love him Janet. I can't lose him, but I can't just let him risk losing his career over me. I'm the reason we're a secret. Michael is a glass half full person, always trusting and seeking out the positive, but I see what is going to happen if we enter the world of the limelight." When I look into her eyes, her head is cocked to the side, studying me. "Alright, I see where you're coming from. I know Joseph, and you're probably right. Just don't hurt Mike. He's my favorite after all." I nod, relieved that she understood where we are coming from. "I promise to tell you everything you want to know later ok? Maybe at the hotel or while I'm patching up something that the boys unsurprisingly ripped up." Janet giggles, and we make our way back to the rest of the group.

I lay down in the linen sheets of the hotel bed, needing to sleep to be able to get up in the morning to fix a couple of loose buttons and worn knees. I hold a pillow close to myself and let myself float away to dreamland.

The creaking of my door opening stirs me from my slumber. I prop myself up on my elbow, turning on the lamp. "Mike? What's going on?" He's in pajamas, and his hair is mussed. He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, and murmurs out a "Couldn't sleep." I huff and fall back onto the bed. "Fine, get in here. You said so yourself that you sleep better with someone than alone. We've both got an early morning and it's already... 2 AM." His bare feet shuffle across the hotel carpet and the bed slightly creaks as he climbs in next to me. Once he's gotten comfortable, I lay my head on his chest and wrap an arm around him, succumbing to the exhaustion filling my bones.

I wake up to my alarm, letting myself give in to Michaels grip and the temptation to hit the snooze button and spend an extra few minutes in the warmth and security his arms provide. I snuggle close to him and doze off. Once again the door opens up, but I shrug it off, thinking it to be Janet. Instead of her girlish squeal of embarrassment, I hear a masculine shout of surprise. The sharp cry from Randy shocks us both awake. The second youngest Jackson wears an expression of both surprise and smugness. "I knew it! I knew something was going on between you two! Mike, my man, congrats. I knew you'd get her eventually. Now tell me, when did this all start out?" As Michael and I rubbed the sleep from our eyes, Randy had made himself comfortable on the small couch nearby, his chin in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Groaning, I pull myself out of the bed, tugging my shirt down so I don't flash Randy. I pat Michaels shoulder and groan out: "You're taking this one. I talked to Janet last night and I have to get ready. Jackie tore his shirt last night and I've got to make him a new one. Who tears their shirt in the middle of their chest like that?" I sit on my heels to grab my things and head to the bathroom to get dressed.

Finished with make-up, I tie my hair back in a high ponytail. Combing through my hair, Michael enters to get ready himself. "So, how'd it go?" He shrugs a little and reaches for the extra toothbrushes the hotel offers. "Randy promised to keep it a secret until we tell everybody else. He was a little surprised that we've been together since Destiny. He thought it was a recent development, not a three year old relationship." Securing my hair one last time, I turn and smile at my lover. "Well, at this rate, Randy only has to keep it a secret for another 5 days. Go ahead and schedule out a lunch or something for your mother. I want her to know that I love her son more than anything else, and I don't want to keep him a secret anymore. But you have to promise me that if this whole thing goes wrong, your career comes first. You have worked your entire life for this, you are living your dream life, don't throw away your dream for me." He chuckles a bit, and rests his forehead against mine. "If this whole thing goes wrong, I'll hire you again myself. You'll be my personal costumer/seamstress. And no one will be able to get rid of you." I giggle and give a peck to his mouth. "Alright toothpaste lips, finish up and get back to your room. I'm sure you can't go to sound check in your pajamas. And send Janet and Randy back to me. I need her input on somethings and I'm sure Randy has more questions." He finishes up and goes back to his room, the two youngest Jacksons coming in not too much later.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna work some because that is what I'm here to do, but I can answer your questions at the same time." I lay out the fabric on the round table in the room as the two sat down on the couch. They both started talking at the same time, but stopped soon enough. Janet spoke first. "When did this start? How did this start?" I smile at the fabric and respond. "Even when I was growing up, I thought that Michael was the most handsome boy on the planet. But when I started working with you guys 4 years ago I decided to remain professional. This was my dream career and I would not jeopardize it over a celebrity crush. Michael and I became friends not long after, and I actually pushed him away in the beginning. I was so scared that either of us would get attached and it would risk our professional lives. During the music video for Shake Your Body, I was joking around with Marlon and Michael got all huffy. He ranted a little bit and ended up kissing me. It didn't take long until we started actually dating." I flip the fabrics so that the shirt is inside out and pin it together. I move to my machine, and Randy asks: "Why keep it a secret? It's not like anyone here doesn't like you?" I adjust the needle to where I need it and lower the presser foot. "Well, we as a society may have come a long way, but not everyone is going to agree with the fact that Michael Jackson, global superstar, chose to date his seamstress, and then the fact that it's a biracial relationship will send a whole other group into a frenzy. He worked so hard to be where he is, to live his dream, and I felt that if we released our relationship to the public, it could cause a lot of backlash his way. Plus I'm pretty sure that if Joseph found out about us, he'd see me as a distraction, turning his son against him. He'd fire me in an instant. I'd probably never be able to see any of you again. Now that it's suddenly impossible to keep us a secret anymore, we're going to tell Ms. Kathrine soon. Michael is going to schedule it today, and we'll tell her then." Once the two are done with their questions, Janet turns on the radio and we just have a good time until Randy needs to head to the venue. Janet and I finish up, double checking over everything before we accidentally forget anything at the hotel.

We make it to the venue early enough that we make it backstage, and I watch the boys rehearse and just do their thing. Randy meets my eyes from his place behind the bongos, and he sends me a wink. I make my way to the dressing rooms to replace what I fixed for the second night in New York. As I replace the red floral print shirt in Michael's dressing room, my lover walks in. His hair is a little wet from sweat and he has a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin. I giggle as he does his best to freshen up. "I'm glad you don't do sound check in costume. I'd have to make an outfit for every night of the tour, since you guys sweat so much." He sticks his tongue out at me, and then has a mischievous look in his eyes. He turns and creeps towards me, his arms wide to catch me if I tried to escape him. I back away slowly, "Michael, don't do this! I'm a nice person! I just took a shower!" I go to make a break for the door but he catches me and pulls me close, squeezing me tight and rubbing his sweaty face and body all over me. "Michael Joseph Jackson! I'm going to kill you! I'll put you in an outfit from '68!" He just giggles in my ear, enjoying my shrieks and squirms. "No you won't, you love me too much." I push at his arms, trying to get out of his grip. "Not anymore! Randy's my new favorite member!" He bites at my earlobe teasingly, his breath fanning over the shell of my ear, his voice dropping from the usual airy high pitch he speaks in. "Are you sure about that, girl?" I shiver and stutter at the distraction, "Fine, you called my bluff. Now can you please let me go? I need to know when we're telling your mother." Reluctantly, Michael loosens his grip enough for me to grab the towel he used, wiping my own skin down, and I rummage through my purse for my bottle of vanilla. Michael takes a seat and smiles at me. "Girl, you know I get hungry when you wear that stuff. Smelling all sweet and stuff." I chuckle and apply the vanilla to key points. "Tell you what. When we go out to tell your mother I will buy you any dessert you want after." I watch from the mirror as he lifts himself from his seat and slots himself behind me, his mouth close to my neck, and even closer to my ear. He gives a teasing squeeze to my backside and murmurs in my ear: "What if I want you to be my dessert?" I turn in his arms, and deliver a light slap to his shoulder. "Michael! What is with you? You've never been so... forward." He just chuckles and steps away. "Maybe I'm just excited I can finally show you off to everyone. Oh, and we're meeting Mother at lunch tomorrow. I've gotten a reservation for the three of us at Mortimer's. I heard they're really good." I nod and glance down at my wrist watch. "Oh, wow! I've got to make sure Jackie's shirt fits for tonight. Break a leg if I don't see you. And I'm excited to have lunch with your mother. I love you!" I give him a peck on his perfect lips and head out the door. Michael catches my wrist before I can leave and pulls me back to him, giving me a real kiss to make up for my quick peck. I giggle as we break away for oxygen. "Alright love machine, I seriously have to go." I hurry out of his dressing room and down to Jackie.

I've never been so nervous in my life. I have no reason to be nervous. Kathrine doesn't dislike me, in fact she and I have had amazing talks between fittings and shows. But maybe after she finds out that I've stolen her son's heart, her opinion of me will change? If she doesn't approve, will Michael leave me? He is an absolute mommas boy. "Babe, relax. Mother absolutely adores you, and I do too. Everything is going to be absolutely fine. I promise." Michael squeezes my thigh in reassurance, and I take a deep breath to calm myself down.

All three of us are seated at the table and our drinks are ordered. Michael holds my hand under the table, unsure himself how to start. "Mother, I have something to tell you, I am in love with the kindest, most beautiful woman in the world." Kathrine smiles a bit at this and urges her son to continue. "That's amazing honey. Who is it?" Michael and I glance at each other before Michael tells the Jackson Matriarch. "Well, Mother, it's Y/N. She and I have been together for almost 3 years now." There's a mix of emotions on her face, and she opens her mouth, trying to figure out what to say. "Well, Michael, honey, I am so happy you found someone. You deserve to be happy. I just can't understand why you wouldn't tell anyone for all that time." I sigh, opening my mouth. "Ms. Katherine, that's my fault. I wanted to keep our relationship under wraps because Michael has worked so hard to be where he is and I didn't want to be a reason for him to receive backlash. I also knew that Mr. Jackson eliminates any distractions for the boys. I know it sounds selfish, but I would have rather kept him my little secret and not have to give him up than show him off and risk losing not only my job, but the love of my life. I know now that telling you about our relationship is going to make Michael happy, and if his happiness means I am seen as a distraction and the consequences that go with it, so be it. I regret not telling you sooner, and for that I am truly sorry." Katherine listens the entire time with soft eyes, listening to every word I say. Michael grabs my hand on the table and gives it a proud squeeze. Once again Katherine opens her mouth and what she says next almost brings me to tears. "Oh, Y/N. understand. I see you truly care about my son, putting his career before your happiness, and then his happiness over your career. I know that that is not an easy decision, and it really shows just how much you care about him. Now, I won't sugar coat anything, but not everyone will approve of your relationship. A white woman and a black man together won't be the easiest thing for people to accept but you have to remember that it is your happiness, no one else's." I felt like all the weight had been lifted off my shoulders after that. We ate lunch and enjoyed the streets of New York. After Katherine had gotten into her car, I turned to Michael. "Alright, what do you want for dessert?" Pulling me into the back of the car, he placed me in his lap. "Hmm, something sweet, a little spicy... I'll have... you."

Taglist: @accio-boys​

[rainythefox]

Nightfall (CH.16)

Synopsis: Pre-Resident Evil 1, slight-AU/Canon Divergence. Claire Redfield comes home to visit her  brother Chris for the holidays but gets caught up in a dangerous game of  cat and mouse with Albert Wesker, the Captain of STARS, after stumbling  upon dark secrets. She can’t call the law; Wesker is the law, and she  can’t tell Chris. She is trapped…Claire/Wesker & Slight Chris/Jill (There’s Wesker & William Bromance too lol). Rated M for smut, language, violence, adult content.

AO3 Link

Chapter 16: Mine

Warning: this chapter contains lots of smut. You’ve been warned, okay? Okay! :P Because of this, only the first section of the chapter is available on Tumblr. Please follow the link to AO3 to read the rest. Thank you! :)

Okay, she knew her luck had taken a big dump recently, but this was ridiculous! If she thought the university job was difficult, she promptly changed her mind. That was a walk in the park compared to this. Claire stared at all the people. The exquisite party was happening at the ritzy Orient Restaurant on the second floor of the most luxurious hotel in the city, Central Hotel.

There had to be close to a hundred people here! The whole restaurant was closed to cater for the invitation-only event. Why did she even assume this “Christmas Party” was going to be just a group of rich, old dudes bragging all night? With how her luck has been, she should've known better!

Claire gaped at the man beside her who was unfortunately the closest thing she had to a friend at the moment. She recalled William’s little “briefing” on the drive over here.

“The party’s not gonna be that big. Just a simple “get in, get out”. You’ll be home in no time! Actually, you’ll probably be at Al’s home in no time!”

He was still rubbing his arm where she decked him.

“This is nothing like how you explained it!” she hissed.

But the mad scientist only half-heard her, his eyes lit up as though he was a kid about to enter his very first amusement park. Something in here was on his kill list because Claire overheard he wasn’t a stranger to parties, at least not to parties like this that could get him something he wanted. 

William was actually quite handsome all cleaned up in his suit. Claire had grown accustomed to his usual disheveled appearance that made him attractive in his own way.

He grinned slyly. “Oh relax, sweetheart. You’ll be fine. Most of these people are total bores…losers just out trying to feel important. They got nothing on you!” He winked at her. “You know what to do, who to find. Ada’s on your earpiece and Al and I are here to watch your back. Don’t worry. Al _definitely _won’t let you out of his sight. Just…don’t distract him too much. I need him focused tonight.”

“Are you fu-”

“Erica!” William nearly squealed, waving both arms and abruptly abandoning her. “Is that gown designed by Broca’s aphasia? Because I’m speechless!” 

Claire glared at the fickle bastard as he ditched her to join some other people standing around talking and drinking. She was on her own for now.

“Forget about him, Claire. Just focus on getting to Bennett. Best not drag this out longer than we have to and risk exposing ourselves,” Ada said on her earpiece.

“Okay,” she mumbled, and got into character, her natural Redfield bravado and assurance making it easy to stroll through the party like she owned the place.

It was a beautiful Asian restaurant. Most of the dark tables were accented with candles and glasses. The lounge-like chairs were colorful and comfy, and the tall ceilings gave way to soft LED string lights, oriental paintings and sectioned lattices. In warmer seasons, the same kind of setup could be seen on the massive balcony, but it was currently closed off.

She felt many eyes on her as she started her objective. But she only cared about one set of eyes as she discreetly scanned the place for them.

This many people here was both a blessing and a curse for her mission, and it could go either way real quick at any time. More people meant no room for mistakes, too many eyes. But on the other hand, this many people distracted amongst themselves could make it easy to get away with nearly anything.

Claire soon found the eyes she had been seeking, felt the familiar, pleasing burn on her skin they always caused. She traced them to an area with more people, where a grand, gold statue of Lord Yama sat. Directly in front of the god of death, Wesker was encircled by a small group, mostly beautiful women, and he charmed them effortlessly.

The younger Redfield had to keep herself from staring, also charmed by his chameleon smile, good looks, and striking black suit. Her nerves tingled from simmering blood. She couldn’t believe it. She was actually jealous?! Claire was angry with herself. How could she possibly feel anything of the sort over the man that was blackmailing her?

Besides...she knew Wesker well enough by now to know that it was all pretense. She was sickened and enthralled by how easily he could deceive and influence people. Ada was right. His calculating mind, his clever tongue, those were his deadliest weapons; not his hands, not his gun.

The statue of Yama was simply a backdrop to the true god of death in the room. His admirers probably had no clue and listened intently. The women batted their eyes, pushed out their chests, even the ones who had dates. And those men did nothing about it, perhaps too enthralled themselves or maybe it was the fact that Wesker had an uncanny ability to make most men around him submissive.

He may have looked like he was paying attention to them, his eyes concealed behind black shades, but Claire knew he was watching her. All of her. Every breath, every step, he was in complete tune. Something about that lit a fire in her belly so fierce, she trembled.

The jealousy she felt instantly crumbled. It didn’t matter if those women were rich or prettier or dressed in nicer dresses. They meant nothing to him. Not like she did.

And why was that, exactly?

Claire frowned, faltering mid-step, eyes still locked on Wesker across the room when she should've been moving on. She had some suspicions, if her gut and Ada and William were anything to go by. 

More importantly, why do you care?

“Claire?! Earth to Claire, hello?”

“Huh?”

“You aren’t exactly being inconspicuous staying in one spot drooling over Albert.”

Claire’s face flushed and she briskly walked away with a huff. “I’m not drooling!”

The first place she needed to check for her target would be the bar. Typical. It was in the back of the restaurant, low-lit, a massive, semi-circled bar with a marble countertop up against an airbrushed wall depicting a dragon floating through the clouds.

“Whatever you say, hun.”

Claire bit her tongue, taking a deep breath. “I was just happy to see him chatting up other women. Less problems for me.”

Ada sighed. “Claire, fishing is beneath you. First, they aren’t his type. More importantly, Albert detests easy women.”

That wasn’t her intention. “I wasn’t-”

“Unfortunately and fortunately for you, you are his type and are as difficult as they come. I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but you’re as close to obsession as he’s going to get romantically.”

The only fortune she could come up with was that it was unlikely Wesker would kill her. But obsession through people with sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies like Wesker were never a good thing. Her life might be spared at the end of all this...but at what cost?

Claire briskly pushed that thought aside, something cold and heavy dropping in the pit of her stomach. She needed to focus on finding Bennett and getting this over with. That was her excuse. After all, she wasn’t ready to acknowledge that her own growing infatuation would likely veer her into her captor’s arms for good.

She looked around the bar area. There were all kinds of high-status people attending Bard’s Christmas party. Doctors, politicians, city officials, even Mayor Warren and Chief Irons were here.

She recognized Mueller from Raccoon University having a casual conversation with the man that had to be her target. A picture was never granted, but a detailed description allowed her to quickly analyze him. It had to be him. Tall, average build, auburn hair and an anchor beard. He chatted with Mueller with a drink in his hand.

Just as Claire stepped their way, a strong grip snatched her wrist. She was spun around, coming face-to-face with Nathaniel Bard. He looked fine since the anaphylaxis she put him through with the shrimp, but the creep wasn't happy one bit with her, still keeping a painful grip on her arm.

"I knew I'd see your face again, girl. What happened at the university is all your fault."

Claire glared at him. "You're gonna be hurting more if you don't let me go right now."

The music and all the guests chatting around them helped conceal her threat from eavesdropping ears but the Spencer Memorial doctor heard her clearly.

He considered challenging her, lips pursing, but soon let her go after his eyes scanned the numerous faces within the party. "I know you're working with those two bastards. You have no idea how much harm you’ve caused me and several of my colleagues. Lowery was a good man, understand? He had a family. And now I’m trapped doing those two psychos’ bidding.”

“Maybe you aren’t the only one who is trapped.”

“Well then there’s more to your pretty face, isn’t there? They wouldn’t risk it otherwise.”

Who the fuck did this guy think he was? Claire clenched a fist, as it took all of her willpower not to break his damn nose. She had a job to do here. If she caused a scene in the middle of this party, especially with the man hosting it, then she could kiss her freedom and potentially Chris’s life goodbye.

She did let him in on what he was narrowly missing out on by grabbing his hand and twisting it slightly, squeezing hard on a pressure point. Just enough to make it really hurt, just enough to get her point across while looking like she was just holding his hand to nearly everyone else. “If my life didn’t hinge on fulfilling this job, you’d be on the floor with a broken fucking face, do you understand me?”

“Damn, Claire. I like your style,” Ada chimed in.

The younger Redfield ignored her and smiled, showing the guests they were having a pleasant conversation. Bard hissed in pain, quickly nodding. Claire released him and he jerked his hand away, shaking it off with a grimace.

“Listen, I’ll make the job easy for you. Just...do what you need to do and get out of here. Take those assholes with you. And never show your face at one of my social events ever again.”

“I’d love to, but it’s not my call. But...I have a feeling you know exactly who you can talk to about that.”

Bard scowled, rubbing his injured hand. He muttered something under his breath and motioned her to follow him, heading towards Bennett and Mueller in the back of the bar. “C’mon, and follow my lead.”

“Ugh, he better not screw this up.”

Bard put on a welcoming smile once they reached Mueller and Bennett’s table. Mueller recognized her, but didn’t say anything. She barely got a moment’s glare from him before he flashed Bard a guarded look, as if asking “what are you up to now?” The two men stood and the doctor shook their hands.

“Mr. Bennett! I trust you are enjoying the party? What kind of host would I be if I was neglecting my honored guest?”

He looked to be in his thirties maybe. His smile was warm as he nodded. He noticed Claire nearly right away, and there was a definite reaction of some kind. Attraction, she guessed, immediate infatuation. Great…

“Oh yes,” he said in a European accent. “I am grateful to you and Greg’s hospitality. You’ve made being so far from home much more bearable.”

“Good, good! It’s a shame your business partner couldn’t join us this evening. But I’m sure he had his reasons. You two are busy men, after all!”

Bennett nodded, composed yet amiable. “That we are. I’m sorry, but I have to ask, who is this beautiful young lady you have with you?”

Bard didn’t skip a beat in his front, presenting her with a grin like she was a piece of treasure up for auction.

“I know, stunning right? This is Elza. She’s one of my...assistants.”

The European man held out his hand with a handsome, friendly smile. It could’ve fooled anyone, and it almost fooled her. But her gut constricted at the last moment, her first indication something wasn’t right about this guy.

He took her hand and kissed it softly. “It is my utmost pleasure, Miss Elza. I’m Stephan Bennett. Please, just call me Stephan.”

Claire put on the sweetest smile she could muster, batting her lashes. “The pleasure’s all mine, Stephan.”

He looked her over, and although he was an attractive man, it made her skin crawl.

“Has Greg taken you up to your suite yet?” Bard asked cordially. “I’ve left you a little treat as a thank you for choosing to stay the night in Raccoon City’s famous Central Hotel!” 

Bennett ripped his eyes from Claire and shook his head at the host. “No, sir. I got the keycard to the room earlier, but wanted to check out the party before retreating for the night.” He presented a friendly, almost sheepish smile. “Honestly, I’m still a little messed up with the time zone changes. I didn’t think it would affect me this much.”

“That’s not a problem. My assistant and I will escort you up there. There’s a little bit of business I’d like to discuss with you anyway,” Bard replied.

“What about your party?”

“Eh, they’ll entertain themselves! Greg will take care of things while I’m gone. It won’t be but a few minutes.” Bennett glanced at Claire, expression unreadable, and Bard quickly added. “My assistant is completely trustworthy, don’t worry. She knows about our research.”

Bennett nodded, relieved. “Alright, lead the way, Nathaniel.”

Claire was uncertain what to do as Mueller shook hands with Bennett and bid them good night before heading for the bar. Her job was to stick a bug on the European businessman, probably so Wesker and William could track him straight to Aaron Roth. Leaving the party just tossed her whole plan into the garbage. This just got way riskier.

Nothing like winging a mission where my life’s literally at stake. What’s the worst that can happen?

“Great,” Ada whispered in her ear, not helping Claire’s gut feeling. “Wesker’s watching and listening through your piece. He says it’s fine. Just get that bug on Bennett without him knowing.”

Was that supposed to make her feel better that Wesker said it was fine? And how exactly was he able to do that anyway? That just made her earlier conversation with Ada a lot more awkward...

With a slight tick of her jaw, Claire composed herself with a friendly smile and followed the two men out of the restaurant and into the fancy, historical hotel.

They went to the lobby, a grand room with high ceilings, bright lights, and expensive carpet and decor. The elevator ride to the fifth floor seemed extra crowded, even though there were just three of them. Bard and Bennett chatted normally about their lives and careers. Claire didn’t like the frequent glances Bennett gave her. She waited for an opportunity, stayed vigilant with that inkling sprouting in her gut.

It got worse when Ada told her she lost visual on her from their location.

Wesker’s making you do this alone because he wants to see how you do, said a small voice in the back of her head. She didn’t have proof, but she wouldn’t put it past him.

She gave vague answers when Bennett asked her something, either curious and flirting or digging and deceiving. She wasn’t exactly sure.

Bennett scanned his card and held the door open to the big, two-bedroom suite. Bard strolled right on in but Claire hesitated, not wanting to put her back to these men. When she did, she felt his eyes all over her, and when he closed the door, he purposely brushed her to get by.

They stepped into the spacious living room first, accented with a bar and impressive kitchen. There was a home theater set up in the den, opposite a wall of glass that displayed downtown Raccoon City. Dark buildings silhouetted within soft glows of lights of all colors. Speckles of white rained down softly outside.

“You meant it when you said this suite had a view,” Bennett stated, drawn to the panorama.

Bard gave her a look, dipped his head in the direction of his “guest”, as if urging her to get her business done. Claire glared at him as he turned off to the bar instead.

“Yes, I did! And over here, something just for you, Mr. Bennett. Your favorite wine. All the way from home!”

“I don’t like this. Are you okay? Cough if you are.”

“How thoughtful of you, Dr. Bard. Thank you. You’ve gone out of your way to make me feel at home here.”

Claire didn’t like it either. She looked around, keeping up her appearance as she joined the men at the bar. She didn’t see any danger, but something like it was lurking about. Whatever it was, she was fine for now.

She coughed. “Oh, excuse me.”

Bennett watched her more than Bard, but she still couldn’t read his expression. Bard took the fancy bottle out of the container of ice. “Shall we have a glass while we talk?”

“Yes. I’d like that.”

That clicked an idea in her brain. Claire put a hand on Bard’s arm, mustering up the realest fake friendly smile she could handle, looking between the two men under thick lashes. “How about you gentlemen take a seat, get comfortable? Let me serve you.”

Bennett’s smile held something darker, but it was gone in a flash. Bard looked at her funny, but composed himself and slowly put the wine down on the counter. “Of course, Elza! You’re always the sweetest thing! Come, Stephan, over here.”

“What do you have planned, exactly?” Ada asked. “Ugh, I hate going by sound alone.”

Her cohorts had lied to her, she realized. William promised Wesker wouldn’t let her out of his sight and Ada said she would watch over her. Wesker didn’t say much to her before the party, but disclosed if she did what she was told, she would be fine. She was alone here and certainly felt something other than “fine” was coming her way.

The doctor and his guest went to the lounge chairs nearby, sitting across from each other. It was the perfect way for Claire to bug Bennett without him knowing. She opened the white wine and poured their glasses, giving them time to get settled in their seats and start talking. The more distracted they were, the better. It also gave her a moment to get the tiny tracking device ready.

The younger Redfield served Bennett first. She caressed her fingers up his arm, across his shoulder, stopped at the back of his neck, squeezing his collar gently. Her flirtatious smile was enough to distract him from Bard when she handed him his drink. She didn’t remain long, crossing to Bard and giving him his drink with the same smile, the same caress that made her skin crawl. She left them and returned to the bar, gathering up the wine bottle and ice bucket and placing them on the table in between the two men.

Claire eavesdropped on their conversation, but a lot of it made no sense to her. Big research, Sheena and Rockfort Island, Roth, Ashfords, prototypes, T-series. All similar topics that Wesker and William discussed and were involved with.

“You know, it’s strange how all of our business associates keep coming up dead or missing since we’ve been in town,” Bennett said after a long sip of his wine.

Bard grew quiet, confused, his fingers clenching around his wine glass. “What…do you mean?”

The European man looked at Claire, like he knew all of her secrets, not near as charming now. “You know what happened to them...don’t you, Miss Walker? Or should I call you Miss Redfield?”

Claire stiffened, nails digging into the chair arms. She dared not blink, glaring at him, keeping calm, but reeling underneath on how to react. He knew her name. Her _real _name.

Shit!

“Shit!” Ada echoed in her ear. “Claire, don’t do anything rash. Hang in there.”

It wasn’t as though she had much of a choice. She was on her own. Bard’s alarmed face told her everything. He was just as surprised as her, but would be too much of a coward to help her.

Claire took a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened to them.”

“I think Dr. Lowery would say otherwise.”

“How do you know my real name?”

The European businessman crossed one leg casually, swishing the wine in his glass, sharp eyes on her. “All it took was a little digging. You really shouldn’t use your mother’s maiden name as an alias, darling. Especially one as unique as hers.”

Cold steel bumped the back of her head. A gun.

Wesker had told her the same thing. Warned her.

She was careless to use it after not being prepared at the university. Now she was in real danger. The other wolves that Wesker claimed he was protecting her from had stalked her right into a corner. Then again, maybe he wasn’t expecting _this _pack. Or maybe he had and was ready to give her up as tribute for his own motives…

“Uh, Stephan, what’s going on, is t-this necessary?” Bard asked.

“Quiet, or you’ll have one to your head also.” Bennett motioned for Claire to stand. “My business partner, Aaron, would like to speak to you one-on-one, Miss Redfield. You have the time, right? You can help fill the gaps on what’s been happening to our dealings. We’re getting warm, but it seems as though everyone is too afraid to give us answers. Whoever you’re working for, we’ll cut you a nice deal if you expose them.”

Claire kept his gaze, defiant, silent. She had no choice but to comply. She had no weapons on her, no way to hide one in this dress. She slowly moved her hands down to her sides, preparing to push herself up, and felt it. The cold, metal coil of a corkscrew. She forgot she had brought it with her while serving the drinks.

Snatching it up between her fingers, she stood. The man who had the gun to her head pulled her out away from the chair. Bennett rose from his seat, finishing his drink and setting the empty glass down.

Bard shot up as well, looking between Claire and his guest, panicking. “Wh-What are you doing?”

There were two other men in suits now. They must’ve been hiding in the suite this whole time. Although they didn’t have weapons drawn, they were probably packing like the one behind her.

“Nathaniel, lying to me that she is your assistant? After what happened to Simon, I’m shocked. Someone’s got you cowering and afraid, just like Greg. Just like our friend the Police Chief.”

“I-It’s n-not what you think.”

Bennett nodded to the other men. They grabbed Bard by the arms, containing him. The European man pulled a gun equipped with a silencer from his suit jacket.

The doctor fought his captors. “Wait! No!”

Claire stabbed the man behind her in the groin with the corkscrew. He cried out as she spun, disarming him and shoving him away where he tumbled to the floor. She grabbed the bottle of wine and threw it at Bennett’s head just as he switched his gun on her. The bottle shattered on his face.

She didn’t get far with running. Not in that dress, not in those heels, before she was snatched by his men. A bash above her temple instantly made the world spin. Still, she fought, as weak as she suddenly felt.

Bennett was soaked, his face earning a few gashes from broken glass, blood mixing with golden-colored wine. He cursed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He grabbed her neck, squeezing hard.

“You little bitch! You’re lucky Aaron wants to speak with you, or you’d be dead!”

That’s when his arm snapped. Like a twig. He screamed. Claire, her vision still hazy from the blow to her head, realized he was attacked. His men were attacked; she was let go. A few blinks and she saw Wesker using some sort of martial arts to swiftly dispose of them. Not Bennett though. He raced away to his escape while holding his limp arm that flopped uselessly as he ran.

The STARS Captain had killed the other three. In seconds. With his hands. He paused, looking to the door where Bennett had fled, as if deciding whether to pursue him. He was over it in seconds though, grabbing her and pulling her to him. Not as rough as she had expected, but gentle wasn’t really in his nature.

“Hold still,” he commanded. She felt his hand on her head. He must’ve been examining the clout she had received. “Are you alright?”

There was some blood on his hand when he withdrew it, and she felt it trickling in her hair. It must’ve been just a small cut, otherwise it would’ve been all over her face by now.

“Yeah,” she said. And she was. It had only made her light-headed for a minute or so.

The nearby chair squeaked as it scooted on the carpet, and a muffled curse came from the other side. Wesker finally looked away from her, jaw clenching. He marched over to the furniture and kicked it. The chair crashed and skidded several feet away. Wesker seized Bard by the collar and picked him up, slamming him into the nearby bar counter. The sound his body made hitting the granite countertop made her flinch, and Bard’s yelp confirmed it.

“Wesker, wait, please! I d-didn’t know! I didn’t! I swear! He was gonna kill me too!”

“He was,” Claire confirmed. 

She had no idea why she defended the asshole, especially when he didn’t offer her any help before. But she could tell he was telling the truth. Wesker paused, but didn’t look at her, probably contemplating what to do with the doctor as he shuddered in his hands.

“Consider your...contract extended indefinitely,” Wesker growled, and shoved him over the other side of the bar. He put a couple fingers up to his ear, the same hidden piece she had. “Ada, William, we’re finished here. Ada, track Bennett. William, tell Irons he has a mess to clean up with Bard and Mueller.”

Bard got to his feet, shaken, his surprised eyes finding hers. The younger Redfield glared at him, a silent message he understood. She had spared him a cruel fate from the Devil. But she wouldn’t do it again.

She returned her gaze to the three bodies around her feet. The one she stabbed with the corkscrew had a snapped neck. The other two looked as though they had suddenly dropped dead, nothing to attribute to the hands of the STARS Captain. But she had seen it with her own eyes. And although it shouldn’t have, it lit a fierce fire in her lower belly, spreading when his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her towards the door.

The flames were fanned when he whispered in her ear, his hand squeezing her hip. “You did exceptionally well, dear heart. You make me proud.”

When Ada told her Wesker would want to take her home after seeing her in her dress, she had denied wanting him to, denied she wanted to go home with him willingly. But after what she saw, how he held her close to him like she was his, and his alone, how his breath upon her ear titillated her, made her receptive to him only, she could no longer deny it.

Claire wouldn’t be able to stand the drive there. She wanted him. Wanted him to take her. She was a liar; it wasn’t just a one-time fling or a mistake. It was going to happen again. And she wanted it to, and would do nothing to stop it.

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 41 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so, in this chapter, they begin working on a new musical, and I URGE you to check it out if you haven’t: The Scarlet Pimpernel. Also! I made a playlist with every song we’ve used as chapter titles, including the upcoming ones pretty much through the end of the story. Click here for previous chapters or here if you’d rather read on AO3. And thank you SO MUCH to wonderful betas: @saiphl, @sillylittlecandycane!!! XOXOXO

Chapter Summary: New semester, new school musical: and Courtney’s star is finally on the rise.

Chapter 41: You Are My Home

It was weird having Roy back home for the holidays, Adore thought, watching him tell a story to Bob, Jamin, and Thorgy, commanding all the attention as usual, sipping from a solo cup and gesturing wildly. It was even weirder to see him getting sloppy-drunk as the night wore on--Adore supposed that college was a bigger challenge than he’d planned for, and maybe he needed to blow off some steam. Still, seeing him grope Courtney as he bent her over Thorgy’s pool table was certainly...something different.

It was over a month since the night of her break-up with Tati, that near miss where she’d come so scarily close to a confession. Once in a while, late at night, she’d have a brief twinge of regret for not being honest. Most of the time though, she felt like she’d absolutely made the right call--their friendship was stronger than it had ever been. So Roy’s dumbass horndog behavior tonight was actually making her laugh.

Maybe it was Courtney’s eye rolls as he rubbed against her, but Adore didn’t find Roy nearly as annoying as she used to. He was no longer a looming, oppressive reminder of her hopeless crush. He was just a guy who came back from college to awkwardly hang out with his high school friends over winter break. A guy who was currently grinding pathetically against his girlfriend, trying (and failing) to get some affection.

“I thought you were gonna teach me Vanessa’s tricks,” Courtney said, pushing him away gently as she lined up her cue.

“I’m trying, but I need to get close,” Roy said, pulling her ass back against him. He leaned forward and murmured something into her hair, something which made her burst out laughing.

“Ummm...no offense, babe, but I don’t really feel like you’d be on your A game tonight,” Courtney said, still giggling.

“Rude,” he pouted.

Courtney looked up, catching Adore’s eye and sending her another exaggerated eye roll. Adore smiled back at her, shaking her head.

“Do you want to sleep over tonight?” Courtney asked.

“Yes,” Roy said, moving her hair aside to kiss her neck.

“Not you!” Courtney said, swatting him on the shoulder before giving Adore an exasperated look. “I meant Dory.”

Adore knew that it was petty, but she couldn’t help the slight thrill that Courtney was choosing her over Roy. It didn’t mean anything--they’d gotten back into their old habit of Adore staying with her every time Bonnie worked a night shift, and she knew that’s all it was. And anyway, it probably wasn’t going to happen, given the way Roy was now pouting and whining.

“Why her? She gets to see you all the time!” Roy argued, indignant. When Courtney didn’t immediately cave, he tried a softer tactic. “Please, baby, I miss you so much…”

“Fine. You can have the floor,” Courtney said, taking Adore by such surprise that she didn’t have time to cover her mouth before a loud cackle of laughter escaped.

“You are the meanest girlfriend in the entire world,” Roy said.

“I know.” Courtney leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek.

-

PEARL: How was your sleepover?

ADORE: So weird

PEARL: Did all three of you pile into Courtney’s bed?

ADORE: Ew, not that weird. No, Roy slept on the floor in a sleeping bag and Courtney and I slept in her bed. So like...just awkward as fuck.

PEARL: What’s wrong, you don’t like spooning her while her boyfriend is 2 feet away?

ADORE: Ugh

PEARL: Wanna come over today? Trin’s gonna be here in like an hour

ADORE: I can’t. I told Court I’d go ice skating with her and Roy.

PEARL: Well well well, how cosy

ADORE: Shut up

PEARL: The three musketeers

ADORE: SHUT UP

Adore sighed. She supposed it was probably strange that she’d been spending her whole break hanging out with Courtney and Roy, but it wasn’t her fault. Courtney invited her everywhere and Roy was just...always there. Besides, when it really came down to it, she liked Roy. And she liked how happy Courtney was when all three of them were together. And to her relief, they’d chilled out a lot on the PDA, now more like an old married couple who teased each other constantly and bickered playfully, using Adore to settle every disagreement.

So, if they had to be the Three Musketeers for another week, Adore was actually fine with that.

-

The musical for their senior year was The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Courtney was absolutely beside herself with glee when she landed the lead. All weekend, she listened to the soundtrack on repeat, falling in love with the music and story and her character, a French actress named Marguerite who was embroiled in a complicated love triangle with her British aristocrat husband and her French revolutionary ex-lover. She sang the songs over and over until she knew them by heart, and drove everyone in the household bonkers with her attempt at a French accent.

They had their first cast reading on a Monday evening in mid-January, and as usual, Mrs. Maguire had them sing through their songs as best they could. Courtney was especially excited when it came time to sing her duet with Adore, who was cast as her brother. It was a gorgeous, sappy ballad and one of her favorites in the show, always making her tear up.

Adore began a bit tentatively, since she hadn’t spent nearly as much time listening to the soundtrack as Courtney, but after a few bars, she got into it too, the drama of clinging to her “sister” as they waited in jail, facing the guillotine together.

“You are my home You make me strong And in this world of strangers, I belong to someone You are all I have You’re all I have; I need you so…”

Courtney, of course, had already memorized every word, and she sang directly into Adore’s eyes, arms wrapped around her neck.

Later, in her office, Mrs. Maguire was sitting pensively, brow furrowed in concern when Thorgy came in to let her know that the crew was finished cleaning up.

“Thor...let me ask you a question. I need a...second opinion.”

“Sure.”

“Do you think it was a mistake casting Courtney and Adore as siblings?”

“How so?” he asked carefully.

She cleared her throat. “Well...do you think they have too much of a...how should I put this...romantic vibe?”

Thorgy burst out laughing.

“Mrs. Maguire...girl…you don’t know the half of it.”

“So, I didn’t imagine that?”

“No. They’ve always been like that,” he told her.

“I mean, I knew they were close friends, but...isn’t Courtney still dating Roy?”

“Yeah...yeah. But…well, you saw it.” Thorgy chuckled again.

“Oy.” Mrs. Maguire picked up a cast list. “I may need to change some things around.”

The next day, a solution fell into her lap when Willam came to see her during the fourth period, looking more distraught than she’d ever seen him. Apparently, he was committed to the show choir for the Spring, and there were a bunch of scheduling conflicts with rehearsals, making it damn near impossible for him to play the title role he’d gotten. It was unsettling to see a kid who was normally as cool as a cucumber so upset.

“I don’t want to quit, I love doing the plays so much,” he said tearfully, and she jumped up to give him a hug.

“Of course you don’t want to quit. Listen, honey, it’s your senior year. We can definitely figure out a way for you to do both, okay? I might have to shuffle some casting, but it’ll all work out. I promise.” She hugged him again, patting him on the back.

“If you tell anyone I cried, I’ll key your car,” came his muffled voice, and she laughed, promising to keep his shameful secret.

Once he left, she sat back down, a relieved sigh leaving her. This could work out perfectly.

She spoke to all the kids individually about their new casting. Bob was over the moon when he found out he’d be taking over Willam’s title role: the wealthy aristocratic Percy, Courtney’s new husband, who uses his foppish clothing obsession as a cover in order to go into France and rescue his friends from the guillotine. And Willam was thrilled that not only did he still have a part, but a good one--taking over Adore’s role as Courtney’s brother, Armand. Adore was also delighted--she now had Bob’s role, a radical and sexy French revolutionary and compelling villain. After reading the script closely a few times, she asked Mrs. Maguire if it was necessary to play her new character, Chauvelin, as a man.

“Can’t I be a radical leftist woman instead?” she asked, during that first week of rehearsals.

“I don’t see why not,” Mrs. Maguire answered, tossing out a casual, “Courtney, Chauvelin is now your ex-girlfriend, not your ex-boyfriend.”

Courtney looked up with wide eyes before smiling and nodding, giving Adore a sassy wink. This show was certainly going to be interesting.

-

As a gentle knock sounded, Courtney rolled over slightly, whimpering. She was achy and feverish and felt absolutely awful. And to make matters worse, she’d missed two whole days of rehearsal with no telling when she’d feel better. At this rate, Mrs. Maguire would probably be giving her part away to her understudy, a freshman who’d never even been in a play before.

“Come in,” she said weakly, tears collecting in her eyes as she thought about how unfair it all was. She’d worked so hard, taken ensemble roles and been an understudy herself and helped with ticket sales and sold ads for every program and never complained, and now she was probably going to lose her one chance to be the lead in a musical.

Adore pushed the door open, offering a sympathetic, “Hey, babe, how ya doin’?”

Courtney tried to lift her head, even that small movement making her wince in pain, hot tears trickling down her cheeks.

“Don’t get up!” Adore rushed to her side, placing a few books on her nightstand. “I just came by to bring your homework.”

“Thanks,” Courtney said, sniffling.

“What’s the matter?” Adore pressed a cool hand to her cheek, lips turned down in a frown as a tear slipped down Courtney’s face.

“I’m just worried that Mrs. Maguire’s gonna give my part away,” Courtney admitted.

“Don’t worry about that. It took all of today’s rehearsal to get through half of ‘The Creation of Man.’ We have plenty of shit to work on without you. Besides, no one but you could do that part justice, anyway.”

Courtney blinked back her tears, gazing up at Adore with a grateful expression.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I promise!” Adore laughed, climbing into her bed to sit beside her. “Stop worrying, okay?”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get sick too?” Courtney said, pulling her blankets tighter around her shoulders.

“Nahh. You know Bonnie makes me do that dumb FluMist vaccine every year. I’m invincible.”

“I don’t think that’s actually true,” Courtney said, covering her mouth with her elbow to cough.

“Well, whatever. It’s worth it to hang out with my best friend.” Adore smiled down at her, and Courtney felt like she might cry all over again.

“Thanks, baby,” she murmured softly.

“Omigod, also...the craziest shit happened today at lunch, I have to tell you about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, okay so first of all...did you know that Violet applied to Columbia early-decision and got in?”

“Wow.”

“Wow is right!” Adore exclaimed. “I mean, I know she’s smart, but she doesn’t give a shit about school. But apparently she got like, practically a perfect score on her SATs. And then everyone else started talking about what school they want to go to and they have all these plans and backup plans and I just...I had no idea our friends were like...so school motivated. It’s fucking weird.”

It surprised Courtney too...maybe not as much as Adore, because she’d figured that Trinity would have ambitious school plans, and Fame as well. And Pearl, well Pearl wasn’t very scholarly, but she assumed that she’d want to go to an art school or something.

“And I guess you’re probably planning to go to UCLA and move in with Roy or something,” Adore mumbled.

Courtney let out a rueful laugh, shaking her head. “I don’t have the grades for that.”

“What?” Adore looked confused. “Your grades are fine.”

“They’re okay. I could probably get into a Cal State. But Ms. Patterson told me in the fall that any UC is a pipe dream. So I’m probably gonna just do two years at a community college and then transfer.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah,” Courtney said, a deep sigh leaving her. “It’s for the best. We’ll save a bunch of money. My dad said he’d pay for my room and board, so I can still move out, thank god.”

“Move out where? Are you staying in the area?”

“No...but I dunno exactly. People say that Santa Barbara City College is good. Or Santa Monica college. It would be so great to be by the beach.”

“Ugh, I’d love to live near the beach. What I really want is to just move to LA, get some shitty retail job or whatever, and work on my music. I’m like, so close to convincing Bonnie what a good idea it is.”

“Adore! Omigod!” Suddenly, the aching in Courtney’s exhausted body didn’t matter, as she hoisted herself into a seated position to look directly into Adore’s hazel eyes. “We should be roommates!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It would be perfect! Don’t you think?!” A smile lit up Courtney’s eyes, so big she thought it might split her face in two.

“Well...yeah, maybe...that could be cool.”

“I know, right?! Omigod, we’d have so much fun, and we could totally save money!” Courtney exclaimed, reaching forward to pull Adore in for a hug, her ecstatic joy pushing aside any thoughts of giving the flu to her friend.

Adore hugged her back, a light giggle slipping from her lips as she said, “I guess now we have a plan, too.”

-

Courtney was bone-tired. By the time she got over the flu, she’d missed a full week. Between catching up on her classes, the extra rehearsals, and struggling to memorize her lines, not to mention playing referee to Karen and Muriel’s latest argument over whether it was appropriate for Karen to have overnight guests, she felt like she could sleep for a week.

But she’d already agreed to this Saturday rehearsal, and she knew she needed it anyway, so she dragged herself out of bed and showed up at the theatre with an extra-large frappuccino that didn’t seem to help her exhaustion, but did make her jittery and off-balance.

That’s probably why she missed her cue, while working on her scene with Adore. At least, that’s what she would claim if anyone asked.

It was the scene in Act One where Adore’s character, Chauvelin, was trying to convince her to leave England and come back with her to Paris. She’d been zoning out a bit while Mrs. Maguire talked to Adore about the scene, explaining that her character needed to be angrier. Courtney really wasn’t paying attention like she should, but it was something about how Adore was supposed to be extra angry because not only did Marguerite abandon the French Revolution to marry a British aristocrat, but she’d also abandoned her.

Anyway, she wasn’t prepared when they started up the scene again, for the intensity with which Adore spoke her next line: “You do not belong in this cold land, with no one to understand you...to touch you.”

Adore let her fingers graze Courtney’s cheek before grabbing her waist and pulling her in roughly. A small gasp left Courtney’s lips, staring into Adore’s burning hazel eyes.

“The girl I knew could not bear this another moment,” Adore said, in a hoarse stage whisper.

As Adore inched closer, mouth softly parted, Courtney’s heart raced, fingers digging into Adore’s shoulders, eyes wide...

“Uh, Courtney?”

Courtney’s head snapped up, towards Mrs. Maguire’s voice. “Yes?”

“You’re supposed to push her away.”

“I know,” Courtney said, cheeks burning. “I was just trying to, um...act conflicted about it.”

“Wow, good work. We really believed you,” Mrs. Maguire said, and Courtney shoved Adore backwards, making her stumble slightly, nearly tripping over her feet.

“Oh god, are you okay?” Courtney reached for her hand to steady her.

“Yeah, sorry, I, uh…”

“Why don’t we take this section again, from Marguerite’s line ‘What do you know of it?’” Mrs. Maguire said, disguising her amused chuckle as a cough.

“Yeah, sure, okay.” Courtney brushed off her hands, hoping that the burning in her cheeks wasn’t obvious to everyone watching.

-

“So, Karen’s into Palm Reading now, huh?”

“Uh huh,” Courtney laughed. They were sitting around the tree in their usual lunch spot, Courtney sharing her mother’s latest passion by attempting to read Adore’s palm.

“So is that shitty broken one my lifeline?”

“No, this one is your lifeline…” Courtney said, finger trailing across Adore’s palm, making her giggle.

“And? What do you think?”

“You’re gonna live a long time.” Courtney grinned at her, eyes shining.

“Fuck,” Adore pouted. “You sure? Can I change that?”

Willam let out a braying laugh.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, lesbian. Personally I want to die young and beautiful.”

“One out of two isn’t bad,” Violet shrugged, earning a punch on the shoulder. “Ow!”

“Good one,” Trinity giggled.

“Watch it, cuz. I could punch you, too,” warned Willam.

“You just fucking try it. I dare you.”

“Guys, please calm down,” Fame interjected. As always, the voice of reason.

Still holding Adore’s hand, Courtney touched her palm again, shivers traveling up her arm.

“Stop it,” Adore said, biting her lip, but making no move to pull her hand away.

“A long, long life…” Courtney continued, flashing her winning smile.

Adore smiled back, but then off Violet’s intentionally loud scoff, she cleared her throat and finally snatched her hand back, just as Bob approached the group.

“Hey, uh...I need to speak to my wife,” Bob said, and Courtney laughed, getting up and following him a little ways away from the group.

“Is everything okay? Do you need-”

“What’s going on with you and Adore?” he asked quickly, head tilted down at her, brow slightly furrowed.

“What do you mean?” Courtney’s thoughts started racing, her heart beating quickly.

“Don’t play dumb with me, I’ve known you since we were 4.”

“I’m not playing!” Courtney said. “Maybe I’m just dumb?”

Bob put his hands on his hips, glaring at her. After a moment, he narrowed his eyes and said, “He really loves you--”

Courtney sighed. “I know, Bob. Okay? You don’t think I know that? And I love him-”

“--More than you deserve.”

Courtney looked at him for a long moment, a sarcastic comeback on the tip of her tongue, which she swallowed down, defeated, shifting her gaze to the ground.

“I know.” Her voice broke on the last word, a lump rising in her throat.

Bob’s voice seemed to soften a little, saying, “Look...I’m just trying to-”

“I know, you’re looking out for your friend,” Courtney said tiredly, still avoiding his knowing brown eyes. Tears stung in her own eyes. “I get it.”

“No. I’m looking out for my friends.”

At that, Courtney looked up at him, surprised.

“You’re my friend too,” he continued. “And Adore’s my friend. And I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Courtney bit her lip, nodding. “Me neither,” she managed to whisper, before a single tear began to burn its way down her cheek. Bob pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know.” Courtney sniffled against his shoulder. “You’re a good husband.”

“Oh yeah? Then why aren’t you in the kitchen making me some pie?”

Courtney laughed, parting from him with a good-natured shove.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “I really do love him, you know.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He smiled ruefully. “Things can’t ever be easy, huh?”

“No, I guess not.”

He pressed one last fatherly kiss to her forehead before leaving to join his own lunch group. Courtney took a moment more to collect herself, then walked back to the tree.

“What was that all about?” Pearl asked. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just some stuff about the play.”

“I’m so excited to see this play, it’s all you guys talk about,” Tati said.

“Yeah, better live up to the hype,” Trinity warned.

“Oh, it will,” Adore promised her with a charming grin. “We’re fucking amazing.”

“Damn right it will. Although, let’s be honest, I would have been a much better Percy than Bob,” said Willam.

“Ehhh…” Courtney grimaced.

“Fuck you, cheerleader!” Willam exclaimed, chucking an orange slice at her face.

“No I mean, you’d have been great in the campy parts, but the sincere romantic stuff? Not so much.”

“Yeah, remember last year? You two were the least believable teen romance ever,” Adore laughed, and Courtney joined in, nodding.

“Exactly.”

“Are you saying I can’t play it straight?” Willam looked deeply offended.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what we’re saying,” Adore told him.

“Oh yeah? Well, watch this…Come here, Virginia.” He grabbed Tati, who immediately squirmed away.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, pushing him onto the grass.

“Sorry.”

“See? A straight guy wouldn’t have listened,” Violet commented drily, making all of them crack up.

[emrysaf]

Never Enough pt. 10

**TRIGGER WARNING** Mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt. If you or someone you know needs help or you THINK they/you MAY need help. Reach out. Be safe. You are a crucial part to this universe and it will most certainly be a worse place without you.

Getting into a bit more complicated plot points. I want Buck and our dear Y/N to be together too, but I don’t want to rush healing or portray it as easy to overcome. So, bare with me please lovelies! This is probably considered a filler, but it is an important stepping stone to introduce characters, where they are at with what Y/N did, and where they are in their own issues.

Thank you all for the love! @peggycarter-steverogers​

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't wanna die alone

I don't wanna live forsaken

I refuse to let this go

Because my soul is breaking

I don't wanna let you know

That my heart is just so jaded

I refuse to let it show

I refuse to let it go

Wake me up when this is over

I'm tired of living life like it's a dream

Please wake me up when it's all over

I'm tired of living right here in between

I refuse

I've always walked alone

I chose the path less taken

I refuse to let you win

Life's a bitch and I've been shaken

It's not a joke at all

Inside my spirits fading

I refuse to take the fall

'Cause no one cares at all

Wake me up when this is over

I'm tired of living life like it's a dream

♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫

Test after test; there didn’t appear to be anything wrong with Y/N besides the wound on her head. As an enhanced, she healed a bit faster than an average human. So the wound was nearly gone. This advanced healing had Dr. Bransted in an optimistic mood because if she was healing at this rate then there was a chance her powers would come back.

However, the stress of the past year, amplified these past six months and compounded with the injuries from the rooftop had Y/N in a light coma. The med team said it could be a few days to a few months.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was three days later, after hours at her bedside, that Steve was accosted by Natasha.

“So what exactly happened Cap?” She prompted with a raised brow. “You went to check on her and you decided to kill her instead?” It last bit was meant as a joking stab, but Nat couldn’t keep the bite out of her tone.

“No! I-” Steve started off angry but quickly lost steam. He couldn’t just say it; that would make it true. Real. “She fell. . .”

“She fell?” Nat scoffed as she dug in. “She fell and lost her powers? Cracked her head so hard it hasn’t finished healing yet??”

“Yes.” Snapped Steve. “I found- Her apartment was. . . Different. So, I asked F.R.I.D.A.Y where Y/N was and she said the roof. I opened the door, heard a crack and saw Y/N convulsing in a puddle by the edge of the roof top.”

“Different? The roof- What are you talking about?” demanded Nat with a slight edge to her voice.

Steve looked lost. Mouth open, but his brain refused to supply the words.

“He means-” Y/N was interrupted by a cough. “He means I was saying goodbye, Nat.”

The spy looked like she was going to approach Y/N while she spoke, glad her friend was awake. But once she processed what Y/N meant Natasha’s face went cold. “Weak.” she muttered as she stormed out of the med bay.

Y/N’s melancholic sigh brought the Cap from his overcast thoughts as he turned from where Nat had went to face Y/N. Her face was almost all the same shade of sickly white, and he had to swallow hard.

“You’re awake.” He said with obviously forced enthusiasm.

Y/N answered back, “Yup.” with a popped ‘p’. “And alive apparently.”

“That’s not funny Y/N.” Steve ground out. “We were all-”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at his tone, “Didn’t say it was funny Cap-e-tan,” she muttered back. 

“What? You didn’t want to wake up? See everyone? Your family?”

“Family?” scoffed Y/N but the anger faded back into a dull neutrality. “Obviously I didn’t want to wake up Steven. We both know I was up there with a singular focus.”

“Singular-” his would-be rant was interrupted by the nurse coming in.

“Sir,” she started. “You should have told us she woke up. We have to check her over now that she is awake.” Steve didn’t budge, and the nurse’s expression was quickly changing from meek to frustrated with this giant man taking up all the space as she tried to get to Y/N. The poor nurse stopped with both palms up, and opened her mouth to tell the stubborn man off when a new, female, doctor came in.

“That means get out Captain.” 

------------------------------------------------------

Nat had seemed disgusted and uninterested, but she had stopped by Dr. Flechling’s office to briefly touch on what she knew about Y/N, and that she was now awake. The good doctor was a psychiatrist, and had been brought in by Sam to help the team, mostly Bucky, cope with everything. Even super people need to vent to a complete stranger, Sam had told Tony when he asked to add the doc. Tony’s past difficulties, and knowing his teammates’ struggles made the decision easy.

Sam wanted to go off and live alone in the woods when his mental issues caught up with him.

Steve wanted to sit in his room and listen to music from his time, and read.

Wanda had a tape made of the fight with Ultron, and her brother saving everyone. A hero. Her hero.

Tony put off sleep to a dangerous point. Then sex.

Bruce and Thor came and went, but they helped each other through their woes.

Natasha wanted to train until she physically couldn’t move. Then some good sex.

Clint had his family, and other civilian people to talk to.

Bucky still needed walked through his pain and sadness because his urge was to kill. Or at least seriously maim.

This would be Dr. Leah Flechling’s first brush with a suicidal superhuman. I definitely have my work cut out for me.

[booksandwords]

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

Read time: 2 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: This is how we reveal ourselves: these tiny flashes of discomfort, the reactions we can’t hide. — Tanner Scott

Autoboyography is a wonderful book that enjoys a lot of praise. I really enjoyed it. This review ended up being quite lengthy. I have chosen to focus largely on the characters of Autoboyography which I really appreciated. This is a well thought out and designed story, intended to provoke thought in readers. Not just about religion and relationships but maybe about themselves a bit. It deals with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints referred to as LDS with at least some dignity, more than is normal.

The opening is great, a walk through the relevant parts of Tanner's life and clarification on the LDS. Some stereotypes are displayed, these are still high school students. The LDS we all think of are those on their Mission. The pacing of the plot is at least reasonable, it fits the relationship. Especially after the line "You've always led with your heart first and your heart second, but I need you to think about this one." (Jenna to Tanner, p 100). There are a couple of moments that are questionable. A convenient change in the enrolment numbers for the Seminar (14 to 15), one frequently mentioned moments comes to nothing. The plot is described as Tanner falling in love with Sebastian, which just feels right it really is that simple and that complicated. The ending feels right. An HFN was almost certain but it was the journey that I was unsure of and really enjoyed.

Characters are multidimensional and of their circumstances. With Emily and Jenna wholly distrustful to the point of nearly hating LDS due to their previous experiences with it. Paul knows what could have been and knows the situation his son his in, as well as his familial history having a role to play. Due to the differences between the families, Tanner and Sebastian don't face the same concerns or restrictions within their relationship, though both have the same source to a degree. Tanner's family objects to Sebastian's religion. Sebastian's family stringently objects to same-sex relationships. Autoboyography is one of those books that shows love in multiple forms. Familial, in different forms. Romantic between the protagonists, it's complicated and messy. Platonic between friends and unrequited love as well. Autoboyography has some wonderful quotes about love, faith, family and friendship.

Tanner 'Tann' Scott is a bi, senior and transplant to Provo, Utah from Palo Alto, California, a move that put him firmly back in the closet. Even his best friend, the brilliant Autumn doesn't know his true sexuality. His parents are extremely supportive of his sexuality but don't want him to get hurt in the very Mormon town he now lives in. His subject strengths are in the math/science stream. he's an honors student essentially with his pick of universities. After accepting a challenge to join the Seminar, a semester-long book writing course he is introduced to local celebrity Sebastian Brother. Tann's attraction to Sebastian is instantaneous  "His smile ruins me." (Tanner, p 22) which is a great line, I remember being bowled over like that. His fast movement from infatuation to love is interesting to read. Tanner is helpless to resist even though he knows he should (Sebastian is in the same position there). His coping mechanisms are sometimes healthy, sometimes destructive, reading both in the same character added a great depth. I quite like Tanner, because of how this book his written I could feel his anger and pain.

Sebastian 'Seb' Brother is a published author tutoring the Seminar Tan is in. After the semester is over he goes on book tour than on his two year Mission. While he is attracted to men, he doesn't identify as gay. His father is the local Bishop as such his family are expected to lead by example in both word and deed. Seb's family are very welcoming and accepting of Tann when they meet him. Sebastian's experimentation and reluctance to label (and hair-splitting) were extremely off-putting. I've been known to DNF a book for less, despite what I said earlier, that was more about Tann's reaction rather than Seb's choices. "I'm not gay, I'm not straight, I'm me" (Sebastian, p 224). The very thing that makes him off-putting makes him a great character, it's the circumstances and expectation (familial and communal) that make the person. He also has a hidden passion that is shown only at the right times but it was definitely needed, and it, not a small streak either.

In the support cast, there is a standout. Auddy. Autumn Summer Green. Tann's best friend, she is ride or die but with a complication. Those unhealthy coping mechanisms I was mentioning, they relate to her. My one question about her is how can she be so beautiful and accepting of everything that happens? It's not passivity she's just a really well written best friend. But Tann's family are great. There is a lot going on there. Full acceptance of Tann's sexuality, but wanting to protect him from the pain they experienced. "How would this be any different from his parents saying guys are off-limits?" "It's completely different. Among a hundred other reasons, going to church is a choice.. Being bisexual is simply who you are I'm protecting you from the toxic messages of the church." (Tanner and Jenna, p 99).

One of the minor problematic elements in Autoboyography is a sense of abuse between Tanner and Sebastian. It's psychological, not physical and it called out but not in words. Some people won't have an issue with it due to the context but I did. Your identity is your own if Sebastian (or a real-life person) wants to live their life according to a religious doctrine rather that is their prerogative. There is of course the larger issues of homophobia. The LDS elements may be an issue for some readers. It is core to the plot and cannot be ignored. Those with a particular issue or history with such religions/ doctrines/ cults should read with care. I make no judgements on organised religion here.

Reading the acknowledgements I read something interesting. "We started talking about this book years ago; Cristina worked in a junior high counselling office in Utah, and Saw teen after teen coming through who honestly believed, devastatingly, that their parents would probably rather have a dead child than a gay one. As a woman who grew up bi in the queer-friendly world of the Bay-Area, Lauren felt a social obligation to reach out to teens whose experiences weren't as easy". I like that this is where Autoboyography came from. Built on their experiences with at-risk teens. Given this was the source of the idea I love the inclusion a resource section. The Song of Achilles is entirely unsurprisingly, it is hugely popular and stunning. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe has been on my tbr for far too long. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is an absolute classic and is also a brilliant stage musical. LGBTQ Reads I'd never heard of but it's really good. If I may add my own recommendations; The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee (it's my purple pride book) and Cemetry Boys by Aiden Thomas (own voice Trans POC).

[educatedinyellow]

Getting to Know You meme

Tagged by @sanspatronymic, thank you for thinking of me!

Rules: tag a few people you’d like to know better or catch up with.

Last song: Oh dear, I’m sorry to have to tell you this one :P Last night I was making flashcards for my son and I put on a playlist that I’d made for my brother’s birthday a couple weeks back. Onto this playlist I’d put mostly good music, but it concludes shamelessly with the song “Ninja Rap” by Vanilla Ice, from the hilariously terrible Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. My brother and I watched that movie so many times back when I was ten and he was eight. So. Many. Times.

Last film: It was The Matrix (the first one). Somehow John had never seen it before? I don’t know how he managed to be an American teenager in 1999 and not see this movie but he’s badass like that. I decided it was time to drag him down with me, though. Its style of cartoonish ‘ultra-cool’ violence is not his cup of tea, but I promised him that the first film has a sense of humor about itself, which is what makes it for me. It came up because he and I play ‘movie questions’ with each other all the time, and on a recent drive we started listing movies that we considered Good Stupid Fun. This movie came high on my list, right alongside Tremors. I was working in a movie theater the summer The Matrix came out and I really enjoyed it at the time, but hadn’t rewatched it in the decades since. I was hoping I would still find it good stupid fun, and indeed I did!

Currently watching: The Mandalorian (I’m most of the way through season 1 and not particularly sold on it, tbh, but I’ll keep going through season 2 as I think it’ll have more appeal once some actual relationships have a chance to build up) & Supernatural (a Cas-centric rewatch, to the surprise of nobody!). I will probably catch up with WandaVision before long, I hear good things. I also recently watched the Holmesian kdrama Queen of Mystery, which was delightful.

Currently reading: Men At Arms (Terry Pratchett), and a lot of fic. One recent fic I can recommend is Dorinda’s excellent hurt/comfort naval fic Most Musical, Most Melancholy (rated T, Patrick O’Brian novels, Aubrey/Maturin, 8.5K). No one writes them quite like Dorinda...her ear for the language is superb! On a friend’s recommendation I’ve also ordered Meredith Ann Pierce’s Darkangel trilogy from the library -- I have no idea what they’re about, but she’s nostalgic about them from her high school days and I want to be able to talk about them with her :)

Currently craving: I found out last week that my blood test results from a year ago indicated I was pre-diabetic on the cusp of full-blown diabetic. This was the first I’d ever heard of it, my doctor not having bothered to tell me at any point. Nor has anyone in that doctor’s office ever discussed any prevention strategies with me at all, be it dietary changes or medication, despite the fact that I told them repeatedly I was at high risk to develop it, having had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant. So I was pissed off when I found out, but have now moved on to focusing on carb counting more strictly than before and hoping I can stay in the pre-diabetic zone as long as possible. So generally I’ve spent the last week eating less food in more spaced out intervals, so I’m just kind of craving the days when I could eat anything :) Ah, they pass too soon, these days of wine and roses! But, silver lining, I’m getting back into god’s gift for carb-counters, omlettes! Tonight I will make another delicious bundle of eggs, stuffed olives, and feta cheese, woot!

Tagging: @thetimemoves, @plaidadder, @viridiandecisions, @a-candle-for-sherlock, @beastlyanachronism, if you like, or anyone else who wants to!

[dashhoney25]

E. Part VII

Hazel

Arriving home, you felt mentally and physically drained from the intensive work out that you endured. The brisk walk you took before leaving had your heart rate up, and you couldn't get the conversation with Jade out of your head.  The information about Erik and Adonis seemed foolish to believe, but with all of the facts; it all seemed quite plausible. Because of Erik's attitude and deceptive nature, it could be true. But Adonis, the possibility that he could be an escort; it didn't make sense to you. You didn't want to believe that Adonis had been around the block and got paid to flaunt his assets, but what could you do about it; you've sampled his guilty pleasure as well.

Even though you still haven't heard from Erik, the encounter between you and Adonis was beginning to weigh on you. This newfound feeling that you hadn't experienced in months, came with side effects. You could still feel Adonis on you, around you, and in you. You craved his touch, and would do anything to be in his presence at this moment; but your pride wouldn't let you. You exited the drafted text message to Adonis and put your phone on 'Do Not Disturb'. Undressing yourself, you walked into the bathroom and got into the shower.

Washing away the stress of the day would definitely help, not to mention that you wouldn't be consumed with your phone for remainder of the day. Taking advantage of the hot water that cascaded down your body, you enjoyed the relaxing moment before being knocked back into reality. Turning off the water and wrapping yourself in a towel, you tied your hair into a messy bun and followed up with your skin care routine. You grabbed a big blue t-shirt and a pair of Savage X Fenty panties to set on the bed. Grabbing your phone, you opened Spotify to play one of your favorite sexy playlists to fill your home through your Google Home Mini.

After drying off, you lathered in your favorite jasmine and vanilla scented lotion before getting dressed. You walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of Hennessy while you danced to the music playing. Taking your glass into the living room, you took another long sip before placing the glass on the table to dance.

P*$$Y Fairy (OTW) by Jhené Aiko

You swayed your hips to the beat as Jhené serenaded on the track. You'd give seductive eyes to your invisible audience as you moved your body seductively, getting against the wall you arched your back as you slid down into a split.  You got up on all fours and arched your back as you turned your head and rolled on your back. Bringing your hips into a bridge you pulsed up and down before crawling on the floor to get to the couch to hold it for support. Gripping the couch, you popped your ass while standing on your tip toes, hoping your knees wouldn't buckle. Looking back at your ass while you continued to dance, there was a sudden banging at your door. "Who could that be?" you thought to yourself. "Maybe it's next door" You said to yourself ignoring it. You climbed onto the couch and laid down to sing in bliss as you enjoyed this time. Another bang to the door interrupted your concert. Huffing, you paused the music and got up to answer the door.

"Erik?" You questioned as he smiled mischievously. "In the flesh" he said as he stood more in the doorway looking down, you noticed a bag in his hand. "Aren't you gonna let me in?" He asked getting closer to you. You folded your arms in disgust, "Don't you think you owe me an apology?" You asked. "I can do that inside, come on Haze" He pleaded. You weren't in the mood for company at all, especially not Erik. You rolled your eyes and turned on your heels walking back inside as Erik followed behind you to close the door.

"I heard some music in here, what you got going on?" he asked placing his bag down. "Minding my business" you say opening the fridge, looking for something to eat. "You not excited to see me?" Erik asked. You grabbed a jar of salsa and went to the cabinet for a bag of tortilla chips. "Why would you ask such a dumb question? Like I said you owe me an apology" you said taking your snack to the couch and turning the music on; lowering the volume. "I didn't think I needed to once I saw you leave the lounge" Erik said sitting next to you. "Excuse me?!" You questioned in disbelief. "You always mad at me, and get over it like usual; once I saw you leave with my brother, I figured you'd forget about it." Erik chuckled. "And I thought I was right, since I hadn't heard from you anymore." You rolled your eyes at his stupid remark, "I just don't have the energy for you anymore E. After the way you dismissed me at the lounge, I was done" You said dipping a chip into the salsa. Erik smirked, revealing his dimples. "Any other time, had you left alone; you'd be blowing my phone up the next day still bitchin' about it" he said taking your chip and eating it.

You looked at him shocked, "But you didn't call me the next morning. So what happened?" Erik asked. You prepared another chip for yourself and continued to eat. "None of your business Erik." you said. Erik bit his lip, "Having withdrawals yet?" he questioned as his hand landed on your thigh. A dumbfounded look formed on your face. "Withdrawals from what Erik?" You questioned closing the bag of chips and the jar of salsa. "Heard you been getting busy" he said raising a brow. Embarrassment crept in and you got up to put away your snack, Erik got up and stood next to the bar stools. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, you've been off my case lately so mission accomplished" Erik said playfully. "Whatever I do, it has nothing to do with you. And fuck what you heard by the way" you replied. "Well you fucking my brother is what I heard" Erik let out. Your stomach instantly dropped and your face turned hot, you knew you were turning red; damn your light complexion.

Erik turned your face to his and stared in your eyes. "But you still ain't had none of me yet" he said lowly leaning in to kiss you. As soon as his lips pecked yours, you pulled away and attempted to move away from Erik. Only for his lips to hit against your neck, you felt weak and he hovered over you. He kissed you again, "You didn't have to give it to him" he muttered. You really weren't in the mood for this, and his jealousy towards Adonis frustrated you. You didn't know if he was trying to seduce you, or slither his way into your folds but your mind was thinking one thing; and your body another.

Water by Kehlani

Erik continued to tease you with kisses as you tried to focus on other things. His hand reached your thighs and gripped them roughly to wrap your legs around his waist. Gasping, you shouted "Water!"  Erik chuckled as his finger trailed the lining of your panties. You continued to mouth the words of the song to yourself in an attempt to get into the mood. You felt like you were betraying Adonis by doing this, though you wanted Erik to have it all along on your own timing; things just didn't turn out that way. Erik removed your panties in one swift motion and you quickly pulled your shirt down in embarrassment.

"Damn I ain't felt this wet in years. . ." the song echoed.

"Quit being shy Ma" Erik called out as he spread your legs and kissed at your thighs. You sighed heavily and tried to reason with him as you sat up on your elbows. "Maybe we should chill out tonight E" you explained. "For what?" he questioned as he nibbled at your thighs, not making eye contact. "Because, I'm. . ." your voice trailed as his fingers reached your folds. "Shit Erik!" you called out as his fingers disappeared inside of you. "You were saying." He asked looking at you, fascinated with his fingers being coated in your goodness.

The look he gave you was enough to make your body melt, closing your eyes you threw your head back and spread your legs for him to continue. "That's a good girl" he said using his thumb to satisfy your clit. Your body jolted at the sensation, knocking you back into reality of what was going on. As the music continued to play, Erik hooked his fingers which brought pleasure to your g-spot. Your mouth fell agape while your breathing picked up, you rolled your hips against his fingers to intensify the sensation; your folds were dripping wet by now. Erik was indulging in how sexy you looked, unfolding for him like this knowing that he was the cause of your puddle. Removing himself from you, your breathing returned to normal as you slowly opened your eyes to find Erik sucking on his fingers.

"Damn" he sighed as he looked at you like he wanted to devour you. You sat up and adjusted your shirt, trying to regain your composure. You grabbed your glass from the table and downed the rest of the alcohol. Taking the glass into the kitchen, Erik followed close behind as you placed the glass in the sink. Erik's arms snaked around your waist as his kisses trailed your neck, turning you to face him he kissed you passionately leaning you against the sink. You pulled away and looked away to catch your breath. "We really shouldn't do this" you said lowly.

"Why you thinking so much?" he questioned, sounding just like Adonis you had mini flashback. "Erik I'm just... not..." you shrugged your shoulders not knowing what to say. Pulling away from him you walked away to your bedroom to grab a pair of pants to wear. "I've been around enough women to know when something is going on" Erik said walking into your bedroom. You stepped into the cotton pants and sat on the edge of your bed. "What do you mean?" you asked. "You're fighting yourself to let me have you Hazel." Erik admitted. "Your body is responding to me perfectly, but when I look at you all I see is fear and confusion" He said getting in your bed.

"E get off the bed, I'm about to go back in the other room" you said standing up. "Nah come here, we ain't done talking" he barked. You huffed. "There's nothing else to talk about" you said climbing in the bed, keeping a distance between you two. Erik pulled you into his lap, making you straddle him. "This isn't necessary" you said twiddling your thumbs looking away from him. Erik turned your face towards his, rearing a scowl on your face. "Tell me how he makes you feel." Erik said placing his hands around your waist. There was so much concern and sincerity in his voice, "How does he make your body feel in ways that I cannot?" Erik portrayed a sense of sensitivity to this situation, especially because he knew that he wasn't the first to be with Hazel; but deep down he wanted to be her last. Knowing that his brother was a tough act to follow, he never saw himself in this position; let alone asking about Adonis' highlights performed on Hazel's body.

"He?" you questioned. Erik grew impatient, "ADONIS! What the fuck did Adonis do to you that you can't give yourself to me?!" he yelled. You were stunned that he yelled at you, but turned on at his whining; he yearned for his brother's secrets that you vowed to keep secret; it's bad enough that you couldn't hide the fact that you indeed fucked Adonis. "Why are you thinking so much Erik?" you flipped on him. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I wouldn't worry about someone who isn't here" you teased. "Maybe you'll get what you want if you just relax" you encouraged. Erik didn't enjoy your response at all. He quickly pushed you onto the bed and pulled your pants and underwear off. He hovered over you and kissed you roughly as his hand rested on your neck.

You were caught off guard by all of this and opened your eyes as he kissed you. I guess Erik could feel your eye lashes tickling him, he looked back at you and pulled away. "He wasn't rough" you whispered. Erik nodded his head in agreement and continued to kiss your neck roughly as he cupped your breasts underneath your shirt. Erik ignored your suggestion purposefully, he knew he could do what he wanted; but when it comes to your body, he'll have to figure out that rough isn't the answer.

Still massaging your breasts, Erik sucked on your nipples and twirled his tongue against your rings causing you to arch your back. Erik smirked and bit them as he slid his index and middle finger back into your folds watching as you moaned. You weren't into biting, but something about his teeth against your flesh ignited a fire within you. You spread your legs, allowing for deeper access while he moved from one nipple to the other; scooping his fingers into you deeper you creamed at his hooked motions inside of you. "Mhmmm" you let out clawing at his back. You felt fabric and opened your eyes. "Take this off!" you commanded.

Pulling out, Erik stuck his fingers inside your mouth before taking off his shirt. Swallowing your juices you smiled in satisfaction. Watching Erik undress, the regret crept in as you realized that you two were too far gone to stop now. Erik wasted no time to strip down and you watched as his hard pleasure stick sprang free from his boxers. "Be patient Princess" he said looking at you, you couldn't stop staring at it; considering Adonis hid his glory from you, up until you tasted him for yourself. You groaned in satisfaction as he got back in bed and began feasting between your thighs.

Erik came across as a novice pussy pleaser, he stayed in one spot and flicked his tongue rapidly, spreading your folds hoping to receive some feedback from you. Your precious pearl was not responding as well as you expected. Placing your hand on your hood, you pulled it back to alert Erik that your clit required attention. You looked down at him, hoping eye contact would put you in a better mood; Adonis knew how to please you and his tongue game was heaven; it's a shame that Erik isn't the same when it comes to foreplay. Erik eyes met yours as you watched his tongue flick against your clit. You felt better, but he was still lacking.

Sighing heavily, you closed your legs, stopping Erik. He looked at you upset. You opened your legs "Lick here" you said pointing to your favorite spot, "Suck there. Insert your fingers and pump into me while looking at me" you instructed. You pulled your hood back and took his hand, "Rub there, suck it, and don't rush the finale" you barked. "Aight" Erik said smirking, he was about to begin when he spoke, "Adonis ain't have to get this talk did he?". Those 9 words immediately ruined it for you, you climbed to the end of the bed and laid on the pillows next to Erik. "Just fuck me" you barked. Erik looked confused, "What I say?" he questioned. "Hurry up Erik!" you said rubbing your clit to salvage the last bit of your arousal.  Erik hovered you and swatted your hand away, "Damn you are having withdrawals! Guess I need to come by more often" he said in a cocky tone. Erik's ego seemed to be bigger than his dick, all this shit he's talking is putting you in a horrid mood.

When Erik swatted your hand away, he could tell you were growing angry. He quickly slid inside of you, watching your facial expressions change as if he alleviated all of your worries. You gripped his back and groaned out in pleasure. "Deeper" you cried out. Erik obliged, he and Adonis felt equal in size; but Erik had a little bit more girth. Erik felt better than you imagined and you couldn't help but kiss him passionately as he grinded inside of you. You vowed to not cum for him, due to the connection you had with Adonis; but that may not be an option with Erik.

"Shit, you wet as FUCK!" he chuckled. "Good" you breathed out, as his strokes became sharper. "You like that?" he asked flashing his golds smiling. You bit your bottom lip as you stared at him intoxicatingly. Erik flipped you over and admired your bare body on top of him. Throughout all the bullshit between you two, you guys always shared a moment of innocence when you were alone. You watched as his chest heaved up and down, his hunger grew for you the longer he stayed inside of you. Your usual way of riding consisted of leaning over and clapping your ass against his pelvis; but Erik's dick was so much to handle that you wanted to challenge yourself. Sitting straight up you planted your feet flat against Erik's sides and held onto the bed to push your body up and down on Erik's thick pleasure stick. The intensity between you two was an all time high, the relationship had finally been expressed in all forms.

Erik grabbed your hips and helped to bounce you as his hips bucked each time you came down on him harshly. With anyone else, I'm sure you'd find this way of fucking to be uncomfortable, but something about Erik and how he looked at you, the pain was worth it. "Fuck! Is this too deep?" he questioned. You shook your head and closed your eyes as you felt tears forming. You felt like you were riding his dick into the sunset as you felt yourself getting wetter and wetter with each stroke. "You taking this shit real good Princess" he cheered. Erik's hands squeezed your breasts roughly which brought a smile to your face as the tears fell from your eyes. "Scoot back" you urged. Erik moved back into the pillows and you leaned over him, placing your hands by his ears as they submerged into the pillows.

"Hold on Daddy" you said seductively bititng his bottom lip, Erik kissed you sloppily as his tongue danced against yours, "Shit!" you let out between kisses. Erik groaned against you in satisfaction. You pulled away as your breasts hit has face, you began to grind against him again feeling him pull his hips upward to meet you halfway. "Ahhh!" you said as his dick massaged your walls effortlessly. Picking up your pace riding, Erik bit your nipples to your liking, the more he bit and sucked you the faster your ass clapped against his hips. "Goddamn baby girl." Erik called out. "Mhmmmm" you groaned in pleasure; Erik slapped your ass as you rested on your heels and held his sides to bounce on him. As bad as you wanted to ride Erik in reverse, he hadn't unlocked that level of freak in you yet. "Why you held this from me?" he questioned. You covered his mouth and rode him faster attempting to get your nut.

Erik bit your hand and you pulled it away. "E please stop it!" You said placing your feet flat on the bed, opening your legs, you curled your hips against his and grinded slowly; taking his hand to play with your clit. "Just relax" you said seductively looking at his angry eyes. Rolling against his shaft, you grabbed your breasts moaned out loudly. "Fuck Erik go faster!" you cried out as he had stopped playing with you. Continuing to ride him, you didn't realize that Erik was just laying there enjoying the show, you were a moaning mess and couldn't contain yourself. You did all the work, fucking yourself into a euphoric high as you felt like you were a one man show.

"Erik" you breathed out coming from your high, "Are you done?" Erik asked non-chalantly. You were confused and knocked out of your high, "Not really" you said looking at him confused. "Get up" Erik barked. "What?" you asked, confused. Was he not satisfied with the sex? Erik held you and pulled his body away from you, slowly pulling out. He got out of bed and walked into the bathroom to turn on the shower. Erik walked into your closet and grabbed some towels, he placed them in the bathroom. Erik walked into the livingroom and grabbed his bag. Bringing his bag into the bedroom he took out his toothbrush and tooth paste. You got out of bed and followed him into the bathroom.

Erik

I had never done anything like this before, I always finish what I start. But I couldn't get over Hazel hiding this seductive nature from me for so long that, that she gave into my brother before me. I was baffled at how her body didn't respond to me when I attempted to dive in between her folds, anyone else would've came instantly at my touch. Not to mention, her harsh delivery of directions; I tried to joke with her and play it off but she wasn't having it. Even being inside of her, I felt like her pussy didn't belong to me; I knew she wanted me but her body and mind didn't need me, she didn't yearn for me like everyone else. But the show she put on for me, was nothing I had ever experienced. Her body was amazing and the way she felt inside was sensational but, she'd been permanently marked by my brother.

It was evident that she tried her hardest for me, for me to accept her but I don't think I could live up to her expectations. It pained me to ask her about my brother, but he took her from me. Never would I have imagined that he'd make a move on her, knowing that I had been trying for years. As close as we were in that moment in her bed, I felt so disconnected from her. I wanted to be alone and gather my thoughts before returning to bed, but Hazel followed my lead and brushed her teeth with me. She looked at me with saddened eyes laced with confusion.

She stepped into the shower and waited for me. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" I said standing under the hot water, relaxing my muscles. She sighed, "Erik I know when something's bothering you" she said wrapping her arms around me, "Now talk" she said kissing my neck. I exhaled heavily and kissed her forehead, "I'm good ma" I said dismissingly. Hazel pulled away, "Erik, you and I both know you only came over here to have sex once you got word of what happened with Adonis." She began. "Now that you got what you wanted, why are you being so cold towards me? I mean if anything I should be upset with you for manipulating me into doing this." "Manipulate?" I questioned raising a brow. "You did what you wanted to do. I didn't force you!" I barked.

She scoffed, "I said multiple times that we should just chill and you continued to seduce me!" she replied. "Well it won't happen again, it's over with" I said simply. "Erik. You and I both know that this isn't over between us." She said looking into my eyes. "I know your secret now and no I won't ever be okay with what you and your brother do, but I can't cut you out of my life. I'll always love you" she said in a comforting tone. I turned away from her and grabbed her soap to lather against my towel, "I'll always love you, but just because you know that I take my pleasure elsewhere and get paid to do it, it doesn't change what happened with Adonis" I admitted. "Erik really?!" she said shocked. "You fuck all of my friends and you expect me to just get over it. But I have sex with your brother one time, and I mean one time and you shut down on me?!" she yells.

I turned to face Hazel and ran the soapy towel all over my body, "It wasn't a part of the plan!" I said. "What plan?" Hazel questioned. "Adonis was supposed to be here for you in the ways that you wanted since I couldn't be. In return, I'd continue to fuck on the side to pay him since he was spending all of his time with you since he wouldn't be able to take clients. But being here for you didn't mean fucking you either!" I yelled at her in anger. "Isn't that what an escort does Erik?!" Hazel retorted. I quickly backed her into the corner of the shower and had my hand around her neck. "You wanna try that again?" I asked angrily. She looked at me coldly and removed my hand. "You're full of shit! You expect for the world to revolve around you and when something doesn't go your way you can't handle it! You got what you wanted Erik! Yet you were so concerned about someone else that you couldn't enjoy yourself!" I yelled. "He knows I've been tryna get you ever since Vic!" I snapped. "Fuck that! Victor isn't here anymore! If he was then I wouldn't be dealing with the both of you!" she remarked. "Too bad he cheated huh?!" I said coming behind her.

"Fuck you Erik!" Hazel yelled turning towards me. I backed her into the wall and placed my hands on the shower wall by her ears. "Fuck me? You wanna talk about fucking when Victor cheated on you with multiple women and you still wanted to take him back! I fucked your friends and you still love me through the bullshit! A nigga only gone do what you allow and that's how I know yo ass ain't going nowhere!" I spat. Hazel's face became red and the angry scowl on her face appeared, "But when I fuck your brother your dick still couldn't stand a chance against his! He eats my pussy with passion and knows me inside and out! And that magical sword of his, has been down my throat and I've swallowed his seed; better hope I don't multiply!" she said harshly gripping my balls painfully. I pushed her off of me, and got out the shower leaving her to shower alone.

Ten minutes later she got out of the shower and found me getting dressed. She had a towel wrapped around her body, "So you proud of being a brotherfucking hoe?!" I spat. Her hand came across my cheek so fast "Don't you ever fix your mouth to defame my character" she said angry; my cheek stung slightly. "It's true!" I retorted. "And you wanted your share of it too! I hope you're fucking happy!" she yelled dropping her towel to find something to wear. I admired her body from a distance, she glared at me angrily. "Aren't you about to leave? Your slice of heaven is over!" she yelled at me. I grabbed my phone and opened my camera, "I'm taking a picture, so it'll last longer!" I retorted.

Hazel charged into me as we fell onto the bed. She grabbed my phone and noticed no pictures were taken. She slapped me, "Ass!" she replied, getting up from my grasp I pinned her down and kissed her. She tried to fight me back and bit my lip hard. I placed my hand on her neck and continued to kiss her, she gave way to my demands; pulling away tears streamed her eyes. I wiped her tears and laid next to her. The look in her eyes brought the truth to fall from my lips. The truth of it all is that no matter how much I tried to break her with my words, she cut me deep by giving me her body, knowing I wouldn't fulfill the yearning need  I longed for, for years.

"It's a lot of shit I can't accept right now, and you're right. I'm wrong for how I've treated you in the past, and I'm wrong for my actions and the part I played in where we are right now. For years, you've been there for me and I fucked you over everytime. I can only be upset with myself for what happened between you and him. But I'm not ready to accept that you probably won't ever belong to me. No matter how deep I dig in you, how passionate I kiss you; your body screams Adonis" I admitted. "I'm sorry for talking shit to you the way that I do. But Hazel I do love you. I have love for you, and I'm in love with you. You've opened my eyes to the fact that this game out here is cold and this escort shit ain't got nothing on what's between your legs. I shouldn't have let Adonis get close to you. I should've stayed home with you those nights and listened to you. And I regret it all. But I need some time to think through this. I can't come at you correct and demand something from you when I'm battling bullshit with myself. Like you said, my ego is bigger than my dick and I couldn't agree more." I said feeling myself getting a little choked up.

Hazel pulled me into a hug and cried on me. We didn't say anything but we held each other as close as we could. I didn't expect for everything to come out like this, but spending this moment with her made me realize that money and fucking ain't everything; it's about that connection and loyalty to that phenomenal person who loves you unconditionally. My pride got in the way of what really mattered and because of my faults, I let her get away. Her friends didn't matter to me, but Hazel should've let me go a long time ago; but this pain that I'm feeling, knowing that we don't connect intimately it hurts. Never in my life have I felt so empty over some pussy, and Hazel wasn't just property to me. She was everything that I wanted once I was done being on my bullshit; but I never thought she'd fold on me.

Hazel kissed me passionately and interlocked her fingers in my dreads as she held onto me tightly. I pulled away and looked in her tear filled eyes and kissed her once more. "I should go. I'll let you know when I make it in" I said as she got off of me. Hazel wrapped the towel around her body and watched as I grabbed my bag. She got up from the bed and followed me to the door. Hazel pulled me into one last deep kiss, "When you're ready, I wanna talk about this" she said staring in my eyes. I nodded my head in agreement. "I love you, Er.. Eri.. Erik" she said in a shaky voice. "I love you too" I said opening the door and leaving.

Walking out of Hazel's apartment building, I headed to my car and pulled my phone out. Reaching my car, I dropped my bag inside and pulled out my phone. Starting the car, I made a phone call and waited for it to answer. After three rings, the phone picked up, "What's up E?" Adonis said. "We need to talk" I said.

A/N: This is the last installment of The Series. I hope you guys have enjoyed! If you guys have any suggestions; I will definitely consider continuing, or even write an alternate ending. I have enjoyed writing this as much as I've loved reading your wonderful comments!  Let me know what you think & feel free to submit requests for another mini-series! <3

[kadywicker]

Hi! Im same anon from few weeks ago thanking you for getting me into the magicians bc dopamine etc and rn Im watching s4 (near end but im rationing it. kinda) but i dont really filter spoilers so Ive seen stuff from s5 and I have to say... every single thing I read/see sounds like a fever dream and not even a fun one. What is going on? I'm not sure i want to know.

oh my god it’s miserable man i’m so sorry. s5 is..... so bad fasdfasdf i avoided watching it for a year bc i didn’t want to waste my energy trying to p*rate it. but i watched it last weekend and let me tell u..... not worth it! there’s a couple episodes that are like? okay? i guess? but mostly it’s just. terrible writing. sexism. homophobia. nonsensical plots. bad writing. more shitty writing. like. there’s some spoilers below so don’t click if u dont want spoilers but in case u want to know what’s going on (warning for spoilers and a huge wall of text):

there’s too much magic now so spells are going off the shits bc there’s so much magic. there’s a harmonic convergence coming up which will make magic go even MORE wild. a pig man from fillory shows up saying there’s going to be an apocalypse and he needs quentin to help. julia says oh shit sorry quentin’s dead but i can do it but the pig man says only STRONG MEN can do it so he fucks off to try and go find a man for the quest. julia decides to stop the apocalypse anyway, which she thinks is the harmonic convergence. so much fucking shit happens long story short they end up DESTROYING THE MOON. they crack the moon like an egg and eliot and margo get trapped in a timeloop caused by sentient whales practicing magic to keep the kraken at bay. margo gets out of the time loop leaving eliot who figures out what to do! and sends himself back in time to stop the moon from cracking. yay world saved. MEANWHILE IN FILLORY eliot and margo were thrown 300 years into fillorys future where the dark king rules. he’s got? fucking zombies or some shit hes “fighting”? i dont know i wasnt sober for half of this season. they’re hunting fairies. eliot talks about quentin in one (1) episode and cries a little before sending quentin a letter in the underworld. earlier in the episode he tried to fuck the dark king. after that he does not bring up quentin a single other time bc gay men do not get to have compelling love stories and he spends the rest of the season mooning after the dark king he met for 3 seconds before deciding actually HES the love of his life, not quentin. fen and josh are dead in the past and margo and eliot change the timeline like three times to save fen and josh! wow yay! also they can’t save quentin bc changing the timeline would be bad and disrespectful :( they can save fen and josh by altering the timeline though! at one point alice tries to make a golem of quentin to answer some questions about a page in a weird language she found in his desk but she brings back child quentin instead and he dies so it’s whatever. after the moon shit, they’re trying to find this seed that’s depicted on that page of quentin’s bc it’s the World Seed and can create whole new worlds! which is convenient bc turns out that apocalypse was NOT the apocalypse on earth but an apocalypse on fillory they think the dark king is gonna cause. turns out no, they’re going to cause it, they need to destroy fillory to stop the dark king from bringing back an army of the dead to bring back his gay lover bc gay mean are evil and bad >:( and before they destroy fillory they need to get all the fillorians in a pocket world and then put them on a new world they build with the world seed. so much shit happens i don’t even know. there’s a heist. there’s a musical episode that’s also the heist episode. eliot makes out with alice AND kady in this episode bc god likes to see me suffer. there’s a new chatwin! she’s great her name is plum and she can travel through time! she uses these time saving abilities to save hyman- you know, the really sexist perverted ghost that spies on people? yeah well she saves him. even though the narrative forbids saving quentin, they can save that fucking guy. julia is pregnant with penny 23′s baby but it’s a Super Pregnancy bc it’s red monkey month in fillory which means it goes faster. and she’s getting affected by the baby’s abilities to travel and be Psychic. fucking charlton is there he was still in eliot’s head the whole time and he gets out of eliot’s head to bother eliot but no one else can see him so they give him hyman’s body bc hyman wants to be a creepy ghost still. quentin gets brought up a few times but mostly to talk about how he ~sacrificed for those he loved~ or what the fuck ever and also to hammer in more quentin/alice like they didn’t have a like 3 month toxic relationship and he had a FIFTY YEAR RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE TO A MAN AND HAD AN ENTIRE CIHLD WITH HIM but ya know alice is the true love of his life bc they’re a man and a woman <3 <3 <3 the moon is sentient? i guess? there’s symbiotic aliens? fogg gets trapped in a magic acid induced drug alternate reality? and evil fogg from another timeline ends up coming through and fucking shit up? regular fogg gets back and has to hold a cat to stay sane bc all the insanity goes into a cat? fen, margo, ALICE?, and josh end up creating new fillory bc thats definitely the list of people that knew and loved fillory the most (definitely not eliot who was high king of fillory and sPENT 50 YEARS ON FILLORY WITH A HUSBAND AND SON no no he wouldn’t know about fillory), and disappear to their new fillory. the phrase “ovary up” is used no less than 7 times during the season and in the episode descriptions. kady’s barely mentioned as to what she’s doing post finale. eliot is a professor now and oh in the last FOUR FUCKING MINUTES WITH NO BUILD UP charlton kisses him and they go upstairs to fuck <3 the dark king was getting catfished by his brother martin btw bc the dark king is actually rupert chatwin and he ends up in a time bubble with jane and that’s fine while martin gets trapped in the library or some shit i don’t know. oh and plover is still alive and doing relatively fine compared to other characters who are like, dead. fen sympathizes with him isn’t that nice. there were at least 5 different opportunites to bring quentin back and they didn’t bring quentin back or leave opportunity for that. it’s bad. santa shows up for a minute? alice gets her fingers cut off and sewn back on and can’t do magic w one hand now but she’s a master magician so it turns out fine. there’s a line about “her lunacy identifies as she/her” talking about the moon, as if the magicians has any room to make pronoun jokes when they’ve had 2 trans characters that both died and weren’t even textually trans. at one point it turns out josh and fen fucked and margo tries to kill fen in a fit of jealousy and there’s a love triangle situation. fen is now a werewolf too btw. in conclusion! it fucking sucks.

[gwoongi]

(abandoned) i don’t want it at all

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: sugar baby au, sugar-babies-scamming-the-same-daddy-au rating: mature themes words: 2.3k warnings: sugar babies a/n: i would have liked 2 finish this one and maybe i will one day but for now here is the incomplete first draft that makes me laugh still

His dorm for first year had been a prison-cell-box with a broken window and bunk beds, the stale smell of farts from his roommate who insisted on top-bunk and made his evenings and early mornings absolute hell- but hey, he’s getting a fancy degree at the end, so it’s worth it, right? Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

(1)

Jeongguk was broke.

It was his own fault - that’s the price you pay for enrolling in University, studying something he probably doesn’t actually need but loves. It’s all fine and dandy studying Music until he realises that famous musicians don’t become famous because they got a degree. Ask any musician how they made it big and they’ll reply with good luck and hard work, not some fancy degree that means nothing unless you’ve got the talent to be successful. Well shit, now it’s in perspective, Jeongguk’s spending all this money on a degree that’s probably not going to make a difference when the time comes.

Now he has a part-time job at a random pizza takeaway that makes no money because Dominoes opened up across the street a few weeks ago, and he’s barely making enough to buy him more than two packets of instant noodles at a time. His dorm for first year had been a prison-cell-box with a broken window and bunk beds, the stale smell of farts from his roommate who insisted on top-bunk and made his evenings and early mornings absolute hell- but hey, he’s getting a fancy degree at the end, so it’s worth it, right? Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

This evening, the library is fairly quiet. Across the stacks are small candles inside black lanterns, a Harry Potter-esque vibe filling the room as the clock rolls into ten. Jeongguk loves when the school year ends, because for the past week, it’s only been the sad and broke music kids doing exams, meaning the library is virtually empty now that everybody else has finished up. Jeongguk’s last exam was yesterday. Huffing out a sigh that turns one of the only other heads in the library in his direction, he stretches his arms up over his head and arches his head backwards.

“Where’re you going over summer?”

Yoongi is another sad and broke music student, a third-going-fourth year who met Jeongguk in the music society during Jeongguk’s first weekend at University. Leaning his chair back on two legs, he throws a paper ball into the air and catches it, not even looking at Jeongguk as he talks to him.

Jeongguk shrugs in reply, tapping his nails against his laptop. “Dunno. Home, I guess.”

“Any plans?” Yoongi asks. “Wanna go to Lollapalooza?”

“Can’t afford it,” Jeongguk sighs, as Yoongi forces out a, “me neither” in between a chortled laugh. “And I don’t know. Probably going to have to get another job.”

“Good,” replies Yoongi, yawning loudly. “You can’t keep working at that shithole. I’m your only friend, and even I go to Dominoes instead of where you work.” As an afterthought, he looks at Jeongguk with a small frown, “sorry.”

Shaking his head in reply, Jeongguk slumps in his chair and sighs once again. Yoongi’s just suddenly put it all into perspective for him; Yoongi’s his only friend, he works a job that barely puts a meal onto his plate, and it’s not going to get any easier. 

The ball in Yoongi’s hand begins to bounce again and Jeongguk glances over at the student librarian, who buries her head into the crook of her elbow and sleeps her way through her night-shift. It’s only Jeongguk, Yoongi and four others in the library right now; none of them are reading, none of them are doing anything particularly productive. Two students are tucked into an alcove pouring wine quite openly into small glasses with a board of chess unfolded out on the table, the others on computers, wishing the night away. Jeongguk just doesn’t want to go back to his dorm, to where his roommate and his loaded to the brim stomach of Chinese food and unhealthy diets is waiting for him.

“You planning on staying here all night again?” questions Yoongi. He probs his feet up onto the partitioner under the table, accidentally kicking Jeongguk’s ankle in the process. “Sorry,” he adds.

“Yep,” Jeongguk replies, popping the ‘p’. “I’d literally rather sleep on the boys changing room floors than go back to my dorm.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “That’s disgusting, don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m being deadass,” Jeongguk insists, his eyes blown wide. “Want to swap dorms for the night? Ten dollars and you’ll be dry heaving in the hallway before midnight.”

“I’ll pass. Either way, you know my apartment is always open for you,” Yoongi reminds him. “You’ve got a key. Come by once you’ve finished whatever it is you’re doing. My wifi’s out.”

Another sigh. Jeongguk’s not defeated his boredom yet, the twitch in his fingers to do something still there. If he goes to Yoongi’s apartment now, he’ll just annoy him with the need to do something energetic, and Jeongguk knows best that Yoongi values his quiet time on an evening.

“Okay. Well, I’ll stay here for a little bit, and come by when I’m done,” Jeongguk says, stifling a yawn that would otherwise expose the fact that he’s absolutely knackered. “I won’t make a sound.”

“You will, you always do, I just pretend not to notice because I love you.” Yoongi says I love you with a disgusted face, sticking his tongue out with a fake gag that Jeongguk knows just proves how much he cares. Yoongi’s good like that, the more subtle type of loving older brother that Jeongguk’s been deprived of all his life. “Don’t stay out too late.”

“Won’t.”

Yoongi picks himself up and irons the aches out of his shoulders. “Cool. Stay safe and smart, Guk.”

“I can’t do both,” he sighs sadly, and Yoongi collects his bag and affectionately throws the paper ball at Jeongguk’s head. It bounces off and lands near one of the bookshelves. Neither picks it up, and Yoongi leaves the library. It dawns on Jeongguk three minutes after Yoongi leaves him that he’s actually really fucking lonely. Add that to the big long list of things Jeongguk is this year: friendless, broke, sad and lonely. God, he needs a hobby.

He also needs money. Very badly. After opening his phone and banking app and realising that he’s so close to slipping into the red, Jeongguk refrains from spending what he has left on something fried and takeaway and opens Google. One click, a few types: How to make money fast. Google will know what to do.

Jeongguk scrolls. Take online surveys and get paid NOW! No. Review apps and earn money! Not enough phone memory to download an app to review it, he scrolls down. Lonely AND Horny? Get yourself a Sugar Daddy TODAY! Oh? He’s listening.

The blog that opens up as he clicks the link is somebody’s personal blog, the title in a gross and thick font that Jeongguk almost can’t read. They talk a while about why you shouldn’t become a sugar-baby, but Jeongguk remembers that one time Tana Mongeau did a storytime on how she had a Daddy and got a lot of money, and Jeongguk’s got assets. He’s smart, has abs on a good day, and his dick isn’t half bad looking. That’s what Yooa had said to him, anyway. Finally, there’s a hyperlink to Seeking Arrangements, and Jeongguk feels kind of overwhelmed.

At least once in their lives, everybody’s thought about being a Sugar Baby. Jeongguk definitely has, all the damn time when he’s sitting around at work doing nothing because they’re about as busy as one can expect for a pizza place with two stars and a rival Dominoes parallel from the front. He’s even read about experiences, where people meet their daddies or mommies on the streets or through apps- and there was even that one crazy story about somebody’s Principal becoming their sugar Daddy, or something, he can’t quite remember. Regardless, Jeongguk’s entertained this thought before.

He looks down at himself. If he really tried his best, he could be kind of good at it. Without sounding conceited, Jeongguk’s good looking. What lets him down at school is the fact that he always dresses lazily and ignores people, rejects requests to go out and then complains to Yoongi about not having friends who hang out with him. All he needs is to fix his appearance, upload his best photographs, and he could secure the bag quite easily.

Jeongguk fills in the boxes and makes an account. petkoo is what he decides to name himself, and he picks his best selfie off Instagram as an icon. He leans back, as if a look from far away will change the way it looks. It’ll do. Luckily for him, he’s into men and women, and it just so happens that American men are both the dumbest and easiest to please. Suddenly, he’s excited, his leg bouncing under the table until he hits his knee and stops. The student librarian raises her head quickly, afraid that a member of staff’s come in to supervise. They haven’t, and so she drops her head again. Ten fifty three, ish. Jeongguk blinks sleepily.

All that’s left to do is get his account verified, and life will be forever changed.

(He hopes).

(2)

Yoongi’s apartment is off campus, about fifteen minutes away if he’s walking. It’s small, but significantly bigger than Jeongguk’s dorm on campus, and decorated with whites and creams, big and open windows letting in golden light, when the time’s right. It’s the type of apartment you saw online, on Tumblr posts or in movies, looking like a perfect backdrop - sometimes, Jeongguk can’t believe that Yoongi lives here, and wakes up every morning to the view of the city below his window, power lines like train tracks connecting houses, dangling fairy-lights on the trelacing of his across-the-street-neighbour’s rooftop.

That being said, Jeongguk technically lives here, too. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s actually stepped foot in his dorm at the same time as his roommate; he only goes in there to collect things one at a time. Today, for example, he had dropped by to empty out his small and pathetic wardrobe and put it inside one suitcase, wheeling it right up to Yoongi’s front door with a bright smile that Yoongi couldn’t say no to. His couch in the living room was Jeongguk’s comfortable bed when it wasn’t cold and when it was, Yoongi would huff and offer an invite into his bed, because he loves Jeongguk like he’s his baby brother, and it would suck if he died from pneumonia, or something. He said that to Jeongguk once. Jeongguk smiled for ten minutes afterwards.

Harry Potter plays on TV, the fourth movie because it’s Jeongguk’s favourite and Yoongi’s a sick man who can’t say no. It’s around five, and Jeongguk’s literally been holed up in Yoongi’s apartment the entire day. The most sunlight that he got was when he walked out of Yoongi’s house to take the trash out, and even then, the bin was in the shadows and the sun never touched his skin once. He can see the sunlight through the window, which technically counts. Yoongi cringes and takes away a plate from the coffee table.

“You’re allowed to stay at my place, as long as you clean up after yourself,” he says with a huff. His nose upturns with a scrunch, “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“By choice!” Jeongguk adds, pulling a thread out from his sock. “They’re too much hard work.”

“You’re just fucking lazy,” Yoongi points out. He dumps the plate in the sink and comes back to Jeongguk. “You know that, don’t you?”

There’s a silence. Then a sigh, “Yeah.”

Jeongguk loves staying at Yoongi’s place, especially when Yoongi is feeling particularly soft and lets Jeongguk do whatever he wants, given he’s not going to get Yoongi a noise complaint in the morning. The movie continues to play undisturbed, the sight of Beauxbatons’ carriage swooping over towards the runway leaving Jeongguk with an open-mouthed smile on his face and Yoongi folds his arms, burying himself further into the sofa. On the coffee table, Yoongi’s laid out some snacks, both his phone and Jeongguk’s laying down flat because it’s supposed to keep Jeongguk distraction free, even though he’s the type of friend to never be on his phone around his friends unless he absolutely needs to be.

Another huff is in Yoongi’s mouth, begging to be huffed out. Over on the coffee table, Jeongguk’s phone lights up with his lock screen of Sansa Stark blurred out by a notification, the ringer on loud. Attention is pulled from Dumbledore to the light, Jeongguk’s brows lifting with interest but his eyes immediately back on the TV.

“Yoongi,” he calls out, and Yoongi glances over, “can you see who it’s from?” Could be his Mom, it could be important.

The huff is released. “Come into my house and boss me around…” Yoongi mutters under his breath and reaches for Jeongguk’s phone, pressing the home button to read the notification. He’s silent for a long moment, and Jeongguk’s so enthralled in the movie that he doesn’t notice, not until Yoongi looks at Jeongguk with a confused and funny look, his top lip curled to his nostrils as he blurts: “Why the hell are Seeking Arrangements telling you you’re profile’s ready?”

Jeongguk looks away so fast from the television that Yoongi’s almost frightened. His eyes are wide and twinkling, “They’ve finished it?”

“What the fuck.”

“Gimme!” Jeongguk splutters, his hand diving towards his phone urgently. “Bro...it’s been like, five days.”

Yoongi is bewildered. “Why do you have an account? What-why-when…?”

“I don’t know, I need money and I thought it would be funny,” Jeongguk shrugs. His thumb moves quickly across his phone screen. “I can’t believe they’re done. I’m gonna be rich, Yoongi.”

“Do you know how sketchy half the people on that site are?” Yoongi questions. “Plus they’re all old and perverted men.”

“Rich men.”

“Rich, old and perverted,” Yoongi nods. “Guk, I know I said you needed another job...but this doesn’t qualify. I’d rather you flip paper thin pizzas.”