#and then married some bitch

[faerociousbeast]

annoyed ab sasuke misogynist allegations again hes literally a mamas boy sasukes never been a misogynist ever. please. hes just gay oh my god

[itbeaheadcannon]

hc that merlin and Gwen (who are besties btw) are absolutely running shit. Got a problem? Go to them - always to them. They're the ones who know the most about the castle and have full control of the royal schedules.

Uther does not know about this and neither does Arthur - however whenever either one of them pisses Merlin or Gwen off or they just do something like seriously fucked up (looking at you Uther you absolute ass) they bury them in work.

and I mean like bury them: making them wake up at like first light for an 'emergency' (apparently someone thought they saw a sorcerer) straight to training the Knights, to a meeting with the council to deal with the non-existant sorcerer, to confirmations of a celebration

they don't know what the celebration is for. (in truth it's not for anything, the castle just wanted an excuse for a party, and it's funny gaslighting the royals into thinking they approved some random ass celebration a few weeks ago)

The servants know and 100% annoy them with inane shit because their "input" is needed (no the fuck it's not, but getting to fuck over royalty is fun for them)

random servant #1 to Uther: Apologies for interrupting Sir, but the seamstress wanted to confirm time for your fitting for your outfit for the celebration tonight?

Uther, baffled asf running on 5hrs sleep: celebration? there is no celebration??? and what colour scheme

Servant #1 trying not to cackle: yes sir there is? you advised of it just last month - the seamstress just wanted to take last measurements

Servant #2 elbowing #1 to get their shit together: and the blue and purple scheme? You approved it over a month ago, and Prince Arthur confirmed last week before preparations were made.

(all the food is stuff Arthur and Uther barely tolerate and mildly hate and their alcohol is weak asf - meanwhile the knights and everyone else are eating amazingly, drunk off their asses)

more in the tags lol

[zarnzarn]

(check the tags for more and also the tag for other fics in the story!)

athena, scowling as she gets bullied into marrying the people she pined over for the last 1000 years, suddenly realising something: wait a minute

odysseus: what?

athena, frozen: wait a damn minute you know what this gives me rights to do

penelope, also realising: oh fuck yes

odysseus: I don't like the sound of whatever's happening here what are you two fucking talking about?

athena, grabbing the marriage wine and tossing it back, then kissing her new wife and husband and handing penelope a spear as she picks up a mace: we'll be back shortly, you can start celebrations without us.

penelope: do u have anything that can start a fire

athena, pulling out an old contract and scanning it before throwing it over her shoulder: yes. are you scared of heights or can we fly.

penelope: fucking bring it I've waited years for this moment

zeus: where are they going

hermes, picking up the contract: they're going to... Ogygia? Oh fucking shit they're going to fucking kill Calypso- hey, hello, WAIT-

[lindamccartneysstrap]

paul mccartney you're gay and that's final

for legal/ethical/moral/psychological/spiritual reasons this is a joke

[little-pondhead]

Oops.

While learning to control his powers under the guidance of Clockwork, Danny accidentally curses his own bloodline with the Curse of Sentient Food several centuries in the past. Originally, a witch was supposed to curse his family. Oops. Well, the Fentons were always adapting, and technically, either way, he'd end up battling dino nuggets at three am in his underwear, no matter who the curse came from. So he shrugged and continued on.

Unfortunately, this also means that out of nowhere, the timeline shifted, and some of his very distant relatives are now battling their food into submission at every meal because Danny is ultimately way more powerful than some mortal witch from the 1600s. His version of the curse reached literally everyone he could ever be related to for the last few centuries. Even if they were adopted into the family!

So, returning to the present time after training, Danny is a little startled to see some news clips of people's dinners coming to life and beginning revolutions. Wow, John Fentonightingale really got around, didn't he? He felt a little uncomfortable that now all these random people had to deal with their share of Fenton luck, but from some of the interviews, everyone seemed to be handling it pretty well!

Especially his so-distant-they're-on-another-tree cousins, the Kents, who contacted his family directly, asking how best to prepare a zombie turkey. Their son was coming for Thanksgiving with his new wife and some coworkers, and they just refused to make the guests fight for their lives on a holiday!

They invited the Fentons to join them, of course.

[shamebats]

"To the left Dr Michael Dillon. To the right Roberta Cowell. Very interesting reading on both, and their paths crossed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberta_Cowell https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Dillon"

From this Reddit post.

(Michael Dillon was "the first known transgender man to undergo phalloplasty" and Roberta Cowell "the first known British trans woman to undergo gender-affirming surgery")

[marimeeko]

Pride month is a pretty western thing as far as I am aware, so I know Hori didn't have this in mind, but props to the man to giving us so much on the eve of Pride 2024 😆😭

Edit: they have it around the world and I feel silly for not researching but MY POINT REMAINS

[weaponizedducks]

zutara is my very favourite dynamic because they're just judgy bitch besties together. stupid shenanigans duo. impulsive yelling duo. sokka is like 90 percent of their impulse control so when he's gone they go haywire. this is even canon sokka leaves them alone for one minute and suddenly they're off to kill a guy. good for them. let them be crazy besties together, striking fear into the hearts of sexist cunts

[chasedeys]

https://www.tumblr.com/chasedeys/76838058816408780

Sweet boy isn’t use to Joe even SLIGHTLY raise his voice or having a tone with him lmao so much that he vividly recalled the one time he did “ scream”😭💀

😭 joe probably didn't scream like idk it was probably like when he was yelling loud about that bug in his mouth but more serious idk. but ja'marr, babyyyy ja'marr who was like 19?? a sophomore!! who was still learning how to navigate life while being in such a spotlight!! probably had some reservations on how he interacts with joe the first few years of being together yk?? i've never actually watched their lsu games lmao just compilations of their highlights but the screenshots of joe's faceee during the ole miss game and the recounts of him being weirdly pissy that game is so 😭😭 like my guy what goes onnnn ja'marr probably had his hackles up in response to joe's hackles being up. ergo saying joe 'screamed'.

hearing ja'marr's recount on how joe touched him (🥰) and told him he won't throw him the ball at all (😔) and then looking down dejected as hell saying 'okay' and taking it off like JOE IS A BULLY??????? /joking ofc but wowww ja'marr was just COLD 😭 and joe told him to suck it up basically or he won't be playing 😭😭 god what the hell is wrong with these two. joe being his star qb and senior etc ja'marr couldn't even defend himself!! his little face when he said 'i was like okay'?? cuteeeeeee had a brief urge to fight joe burrow for an event years ago that was probably not as dramatic as ja'marr made it seem lmao.

edit: i wanted to add a bit more sorry :")) when he said 'it was cool' quietly with that face!! cute as helllll etc sorry extremely biased here but anyways was it like....not cool at first? like did he pout for ages about it and fridge joe out from the entire thing that joe had to quickly change up and grovel slightly or he was going to deal with an icy ja'marr throughout what's left of their schedule 😭 just extremely cute to think about hehe

[oh-nowo-i-got-uwu]

[introspectivememories]

at the center of gotham, lies its oldest public hospital — gotham general. it’s staff are kind and compassionate, if a little intolerant of bullshit. the city may not care about the crimes that occur in it but the people certainly do. gotham’s emergency services are renowned throughout the nation as one of the best. 

the ER nurses at gotham general love to gossip and their latest is about how their ever-reliable EMT bernard dowd, who'll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he can save one more person, who smiles so brightly and brings them cupcakes on his days off but has such sad eyes, seems so lonely. they determinedly decide to find a date for him. maybe dr. zacharia thomas, their latest trauma surgeon? yes, yes! he's only a few years older, bernard knows him, they get along, and most importantly, he's got a stable job. he'll be perfect for their bernard!

and then, literally only days after they decide to set up dr. zacharia and bernard on a date, head trauma nurse marissa santos comes running in with a copy of gotham daily, clutched in her hand.

"look! look! nakita mo ba ang balita?" she whisper-yells, "did you see the news?!"

instantly they're all crowding around her, trying to see the paper. covering the front page is a blurry photo of a black-haired man engaged in a passionate game of tonsil-hockey with someone who is unmistakably their youngest EMT. he's still wearing his uniform for christ's sake! in the largest font known to man, "WAYNE'S NEW PARAMOUR?" is written at the top.

"he's dating the wayne ceo!" marissa gushes excitedly.

"isn't he a little too old for bernard?" someone pipes up from the back.

"not the father, you idiot! the son! timothy!"

that's way better than their candidate. everyone is stoked. by nightfall, everyone in the ER knows that bernard dowd is dating timothy drake-wayne, the youngest ceo wayne enterprises has ever had.

when bear stops by, at around 2 in the morning, dropping of the last patient from his shift, he's immediately accosted by the nurses.

"whoa! hey!" he exclaims as they lead him to the nurse's station and sit him down in a chair, "what's going on?"

marissa slams the paper down in front of him, "spill."

bernard groans and turns cherry red, "oh my god tita. don't you guys have patients to attend to?"

"already taken care of." nurse gu says.

"what about mr. gomez, the one with third degree burns that just came in?" bernard tries desperately.

"dr. zacharia is already on it." dr. esperanza responds, "so spill."

their youngest tries one last time, "how do you even know if that's me?"

"there are like 10 blonde people in the EMT department and considering all of them are older than you and none of them seem to have the three ear piercings that kid in this picture does, we're gonna have to assume it's you." dr. farah nasim, one half of the head of the ER, says.

bernard turns on her with a betrayed look.

"sorry kid," she snorts, "also, you're still wearing your uniform in the photo. it says 'dowd' on the shoulder."

"im too old to be bossed around like this." he mutters before sighing, "alright what'd'ya want to know?"

"tell us everything!" marissa says, "how did you two meet?"

"we were friends in high school and we fell out of touch after junior year. he hit me up on insta 6 months ago and we reconnected."

"oh my god!! they're high school sweethearts!" nurse gu squeals, "that's so cute!"

"tell us more! who asked who out?"

"okay well, technically he asked me out but he didn't know he was asking me out. but we went on this date at this restaurant and it got attacked by some villain and red robin, but he was going by robin at the time, rescued. so i told robin, 'hey if i make it out of this, tell tim drake, i would've liked to finish our date'. and then, tim, shows up at my door the next day and says 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i'd like to find out'. and the rest is history."

"bernard, what the hell?" dr. esperanza says shocked, "that's the most rom-com-esque story i've ever heard."

"what?" bernard blushes, "no it's not."

"bear," esperanza says slowly, "he showed up at your door and said 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i want to find out.' that is something straight out of the notebook."

"no, no! he's such a dork!" bernard assures them frantically, "he does this thing, when he laughs too hard, he snorts and it sets him off again and it just keeps going. and you should've seen him in high school, the biggest skater boy to ever exist. he's teaching me..."

and bernard goes on and on for the next 15 minutes, trailing off only when he notices them all smiling at him.

"what?" he says shyly.

"you're in love with him, aren't you?" dr. farah says.

bernard chokes, "what?! no! ...maybe?"

everyone shares a look between each other. marissa steps forward, "well on behalf of the gotham general ER staff, i can assure you, we all approve."

"thank you?"

"bring him around sometime!" nurse gu says, "we'd all like to meet him."

"why? so you can give him the shovel talk?"

"of course!" dr. farah says, smiling widely, "he’s dating our youngest! we have to threaten him!"

bernard's voice is suspiciously wet when says a few moments later, "thanks guys."

and so on it goes for the next few months until marissa comes back after her break, deathly pale. everyone worries but she refuses to tell anyone what's wrong. and then a few weeks later, nurse gu goes on his break and comes back shocked. and then a month later, dr. zacharia comes back from a quick step outside, lips sealed shut.

and on it goes until there is one glaring truth the gotham general ER night staff cannot ignore:

bernard dowd is dating red robin. open relationship or cheating, to be determined.

a year after the news about tim drake and bernard had been released, and half a year after the, what the staff has taken to calling it, Red Robin Scandal™ began, dr. farah calls a night staff meeting.

the staff meeting is boring as usual until the end when dr. farah opens the conversation to the staff to voice their concerns.

"are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" dr. esperanza asks.

"i think bernard might be cheating on his boyfriend!" marissa blurts out before slapping her hands over her mouth, horrified.

“oh thank god.” esperanza sighs.

"wait you saw them too?" nurse gu asks.

"in the narrow walkway," dr. zacharia starts.

"between the ER and jacobson building." dr. esperanza finishes.

"exactly!" marissa says.

"i caught them in the parking lot once." dr. farah admits, mouth pressed into a grim line, "they were pressed up against the fence in the back — y'know where the light doesn't shine? — kissing each other like they'd just come back from world war 2."

"ay, how could that boy be so stupid?" marissa sighs, "getting caught up with a vigilante?"

"maybe it's like polyamory?" esperanza says, ever hopeful.

"whatever it is," farah says, "he should know better than to get involved with those people. we have to talk to him."

they pull bernard into an unused conference room, just the 5 of them, 3 weeks later.

"hey, hey!" bernard exclaims as they shove him into a chair, "what's going on?"

nobody speaks.

"guys?"

"are you cheating on tim drake?"

"what?"

"are you cheating on tim drake?" marissa repeats.

"no! why would you think that?"

"everyone on the night staff has caught you kissing red robin at least once. wanna try that again?" farah says.

bernard sighs, "is that what this is about? doc, i swear to god, i'm not cheating on tim."

"so he knows?" zacharia asks.

"yes zach, tim knows about me and red robin."

"and he's okay with it?"

"yes. tim doesn't mind me dating both of them." bernard says, a smile playing on his lips.

nobody speaks for a while.

"so..." bernard breaks the silence first, "are we good here? do you approve?"

"no." esperanza says, "we don't approve."

"what?"

"he's no good for you." nurse gu says.

"you don't even know him." bernard says incredulously.

"oh and you do?" zacharia says scathingly, "he's a vigilante bear. how much do you really know?"

"more than you zach!"

pleadingly bernard turns toward farah, "c'mon doc, you don't agree do you?"

"you know, when you first started dating tim drake, i had my reservations. rich people and all that. but i figured with all that money, if you ever got roped into rich people problems, tim's money would help out. you'd be taken care of and he clearly loves you, so i didn't mind too much."

"but this..." farah trails off, "i can't accept this."

turning towards marissa, "tita, please."

"don't do that, bear. wag kang tanga. it's not good to be with him."

"he loves me! is that not enough?" bernard near-yells, "i thought that's what you wanted. someone who loves me!"

"enough to quit being a vigilante?" esperanza asks.

"quit being a vigilante? are you guys hearing yourself?" bernard asks angrily, "he saves the city on a near-nightly basis and you want me to ask him to give it all up because what? he's dating me?"

"so let him save the city without you." nurse gu says, "why does he need to drag you into it?"

"he's not dragging me into anything! i am a full consenting adult! i chose him! what’s so different about what he and i do anyway?"

“well for one, our job is legal. and two, there are safety measures put in place so that you don’t get hurt. so that your coworkers don’t get hurt. your man walks into the joker’s lair with an inch of kevlar and a prayer on his lips.” zacharia says.

nurse gu sighs, "look. nobody here is mad at him for saving the city. everyone here knows somebody who has been saved by the bats. but the deal is that they save the city and they don't drag anybody else into it."

"the bats, whoever they are? they chose that life. for whatever reason, they chose that life and all the dangers that go with it. you’re not stupid bear, don’t get involved with whatever he has going on. pick literally anyone else.” farah says.

“you need a third person that badly? take zach! the ER was planning on setting you up with him before we found out about tim, anyway.”

“what?” zacharia says, rounding on nurse gu.

“you know what?” bernard says, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly, “ i don’t have to explain myself to you guys.”

“you can’t marry him.” marissa says.

“who said anything about marriage? i’m 22!”

“you clearly love tim. you two seem like you’re going to last a while and if you love red robin they way you love tim, them somewhere along those years of being together then you’re going to start thinking of marriage. what then? how are you going to explain red robin to the people you love?”

“we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“look, bernard,” farah says gently, “we’re not doing this cause we don’t want you to be happy. you mean a lot to me, i think of you as my son. we just-”

“you’re not my mom.” bernard snaps out, “you’re not my mom, you’re not my aunt, my uncle, my brother. you guys aren’t anything to me!”

he turns and walks away.

“farah do something.” marissa hisses.

“let him go. he said he’s an adult right? then let him make his choices.”

“but,” she says, raising her voice so bernard can hear her, “if anything goes wrong, and i mean anything at all, i hope he knows that adults don’t have to do everything by themselves. that they can ask people for help.”

bernard’s hands still on the doorknob. “thank you.” he says voice rough, “nothing will happen, but thank you for the offer.” and he walks out the door.

bernard dowd, is 22 year old EMT that has too much heart and not enough brain. he’ll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he has even a minute chance of saving someone. he’s kind and he’s sweet and more importantly, he’s dating timothy drake-wayne, ceo of wayne enterprises.

if you ask the ER night staff at gotham general, after a lot of prodding, they might tell you that bernard dowd was one of the youngest EMTs to ever join the gotham county emergency medical services. they might tell you that bernard dowd has been wondering if he should become an AEMT or a paramedic. they might tell you that as the major receiver for all patients, bernard saw them all the time and imprinted on them like a baby duck. and if you’re really close they might, tell you the ER’s biggest secret: bernard dowd is dating both timothy drake-wayne and red robin. or they might just let you walk in on them making out behind the ER. whatever comes first really.

(if you get close enough to a certain group of people on the ER night staff, they’ll tell you that bernard dowd has two hands and he uses them to hold onto his boyfriends. 

they’ll tell you that tim drake is a nice boy and they’re a little worried about their bernard fitting into the circles a wayne walks in, but he’s a nice boy who clearly loves bernard, so they’re not too worried.

they’ll tell you that that red robin character is no good for their bernard and has no business getting so close to their youngest. that red robin is going to get bernard into trouble one day, the kind of trouble that you don’t come back from.

and if you get really close to them, they’ll tell you over lunch breaks and muttered whispers, that both boys are going to break their youngest’s heart. and that if they had to pick, red robin will do it first. that their bernard loves a little too deeply and that they're worried that it’ll break bernard.

but they’re not too worried, they say. because bernard has them and if that bastard red robin breaks his heart, then they’ll pick up the pieces, they’ll sew him back together if they have to. after all, bernard stitches up half of gotham every night, this is the least they could do.)

[chaosgremlinmunson]

As inspiration for this douchebaggery in my DMs on Facebook, here's Steve being a bitch to someone who clearly paid zero attention and had no respect for his relationship.

👇 The inspiration is below 👇

Steve opened his laptop while he let his newest niece nap away on the new ottoman. She'd grabbed her tiny stuffed turtle, toddled up to him and said, “night, night” in her adorable munchkin voice, and Steve was done for. His ovaries, though long forgotten, wanted to explode immediately. He wondered if the hormones would affect the possibility of him carrying his own child for he and Eddie.

Speaking of Eddie, Steve looked back to his laptop and saw a notification for Facebook, the one social media he frequently used to keep in touch with his found family after they'd scattered to their colleges and new lives. He opened it curiously thinking maybe one of the kids had messaged him and found a girl he didn't know instead. He clicked her photo looking through her profile to see she was friends with about half the people he knew, so he chose to be friendly.

Eventually the messages veered from asking how he was doing, and how nice it was to meet him to flirtatious messages. He cringed reading it as he'd already mentioned his husband a good twenty times within the beginning of this conversation. To get a message saying, “so..are you single or happily married?” Made him want to reach through the screen and shake this girl. Hell, his profile has a profile picture of him and Eddie making out, his bio stating his infinite love for both his wonderful husband and their fur babies, Roscoe, Angel, and Thresher. How and why did this girl not realize he was happily married? In true mean girl Steve fashion he answered the video call she tried to send, his face that haughty mask he shone in during King Steve's reign in Hawkins high.

“Hello?” He said, sounding annoyed, “Is there a reason you called me?”

“Yeah, I thought it'd be nice to see your handsome face.”

“Look, sweetie,” he started, the absolute disdain clear in his voice and on his face, “If you used the last two brain cells you hadn't fried with all the bleach in your head, and actually, I don't know, read my bio on my profile or even my messages, you'd realize that A) I am happily married. B) I have mentioned my husband literally everywhere. C) My husband is absolutely the one for me, and way hotter than any bleach blond bimbo in my inbox, and D) which is rather appropriate for this, I prefer dick to pussy, so unless you're hiding something under that street walker wear in all your photos I wouldn't consider you even if I was single. Now, have a blessed day and lower your expectations when you speak to people. Or hell, pay attention to the signs around you.”

The girl was staring at him, her jaw dropped as he ended the call and blocked her. Eddie walked in just a moment later to Steve glaring at his laptop like it personally offended him and leaned down kissing his neck as Dustin and Erica followed behind to collect Stefania aptly named for the best big brother the party could ask for.

Once they were alone Steve pushed Eddie down into the couch straddling him, his tiny shorts riding up as he ground down on the sizable bulge beneath him. Eddie grinned up at him, he knew Steve was frustrated about something, but for now he'd take him apart in all the best ways and put him back together. If he wanted to vent about it later Eddie would be all ears.

[bugwolfsstuff]

Tbh I don't understand the hate on Hera for the whole switch thing

My lady just wanted to survive and was the only god actively trying to deal with Gaia.

Sure her plan had holes but at least it was a plan outside of Zeus's 'lets just ignore it and she'll get bored and go away'

[murdleandmarot]

AYYYYYY STARLIGHT EXPRESS OC TIME!!!!!!

Meet Mable and Marley, the abandoned train car twins!! They live with Belle and Poppa in the freight yard :)))

More about them under the cut!!

….so I don’t know trains. I know net zero about trains. I knew I wanted to do something vague and fun with them, so I just looked up “place I live” + “abandoned train” and found a blog from a couple years ago about an abandoned train someone found in the woods!!!!

That’s why their names don’t match their title, no one knows what their original make or model was.

-Mable is definitely the more serious twin of the two, as she really wants to get back on the tracks. She hates not knowing much about herself, but has resolved herself to be the best that she can despite this

-Marley is definitely more easygoing, more cheerful, and overall more content to chill in the freight yard with Belle. He’s made peace with his mysteriousness.

-Both of them barely leave the yard, because when they do train (HA) they do it closer to home, so they get their gossip from Rusty. Marley is probably a bitttt of a Greaseball fanboy at heart, and Mable thinks she could beat GB in a race and vows to do so whenever he’s brought up

[kobracola]

ngl i really fucking hate the disparity between the way people treat gerard and lindsey in bandom

[dollypopup]

Colin defending Penelope's questionable choices as LW in S3 leaked