#and then like four different things went wrong with it this afternoon and none of us (me sister sister's bf) could fix it. so.

[shoshiwrites]

Angrily rocking back and forth in this armchair at this AirBnb because I just had to spend [redacted] on a new phone while also losing ~2 months worth of photos and all my Notes app notes

[beomgyuslilracha]

the ceo's son ✧.* [ pt. 7 ]

⊹ pairing: choi soobin x f! reader

⊹ genre: strangers to friends to potential lovers

⊹ warnings: tiny death joke again, sorry - i do that a lot

⊹ wc: 4.1k

summary: you've been an intern at c company for roughly over four months now - directly under the ceo as his assistant. everything was going perfectly: you were saving up money to attend uni next year, and you knew that you were under the ceo's good graces to receive a great recommendation when the time came! in fact, he took a liking to you so much that he'd often joke that he wanted to set you up with his son. at least ... you thought it was a joke.

your entire body and soul was absolutely reeling from the second you went to sleep, to when you woke up this morning, and even by the time you were back at work.

just as usual, it was none other than choi soobin who occupied the reserved location in your mind. at this point, he was truly living rent free in your head with an ocean view.

this time, in comparison to the last, it was on a much happier note. all you could think about, from the moment the two of you parted ways last night, was the delicate softness of his lips as they pressed against your knuckles in the form of a goodnight.

you practically cradled your hand the entire night as the smile on your face permanently glued itself to your lips.

despite having been exhausted before, soobin's gesture ended up waking every nerve in your body. it erupted from where his lips had first grazed your hand, traveling all the way to your heart and igniting endless fireworks.

it took you way too long to fall asleep after that, unable to keep yourself from giggling every few seconds as you felt the ghost of his lips again and again.

"miss y/n, you appear to be much happier this morning," mr. choi's voice spoke through your daze - causing you to realize you had been mindlessly cradling your hand again as you thought back to soobin's kiss.

blushing in embarrassment, you found yourself pursing your lips together to suppress the giant grin that was threatening to reveal itself. "yes i am, sir," you answered simply.

you had turned back to the files placed in front of you, getting back to work to organize everything you had missed from yesterday. you were surprised there wasn't as much as you had expected, but you were definitely not one to complain.

although, while you had distracted yourself, you didn't realize the seriousness that had suddenly overcome the ceo's features.

he was delighted to see you happy, of course, don't get him wrong, but he couldn't help but to ponder on a very suspicious feeling as to why.

after a few more minutes, mr. choi had spoke up again. "do you have any prior plans for lunch today, miss y/n?"

the answer to this was a definite yes.

with his son.

although, you and soobin were still in agreeance to keep his father from meddling between the two of you. sure, he was the reason that you two came together in the first place, but you both would rather it be left at that.

with your friendship going as smoothly as it was, neither of you were open to the idea of the grown man forcing anything to occur if neither of you were ready.

of course, you agreed to this matter before you realized your developed crush on his son, so you were no longer as opposed to the idea of his father attempting to play cupid.

"i do, sir, with ... a friend," you finally answered him, though scolding yourself in your mind for hesitating.

just as you were afraid of, the ceo picked up on it. he figured not to pry for an excuse this time, though - instead, he opted for a different approach.

"ahh, you can't keep avoiding lunch with your boss forever," mr. choi grumbled now, standing from his desk. "i expect you to join me this afternoon. i will not take no for an answer."

you gulped, trying your hardest to not scream at the man.

the last thing you wanted to do was upset him, but that didn't exactly mean you wanted to tell him the truth either.

"but- but sir, i told you, i already-"

"with who, hm?" he began to interrogate, his eyes narrowing as he studied your features. "another boy? is it a date?"

your mouth dropped and your entire face began to glow the deepest shade of red from embarrassment. his sudden questions caught you completely off guard, leaving you completely unprepared to answer the jealous man.

this finally allowed you to realize that mr. choi was wholeheartedly accusing you of avoiding lunch with him because you were seeing another boy, thus betraying his own son.

what he didn't realize was that his son is the other boy!

"sir, i'm not- no, there's no-," you turned towards a thoroughly shocked mr. jeong, silently pleading for at least some sort of assistance.

clearing his throat, and trying not to laugh as well, mr. jeong finally stepped up to play middleman.

"mr. choi, it is inappropriate to accuse your intern of any personal affairs that she may be a part of," he explained formally, adjusting the glasses that were resting on the bridge of his nose. "and miss y/n, surely it wouldn't be an issue to join your ceo for lunch at least once more?"

his statements left both you and mr. choi equally stunned, seeing the faults in both of your standpoints.

mr. choi realized he was completely overreacting, getting too ahead of himself and his investment in your relationships. he felt embarrassed for having acted unprofessional in a matter that did not concern him one bit.

you, on the other hand, did also find it unfair to have been rejecting mr. choi's lunch invitations every single day. even though it cut into time you could be spending alone with soobin, you figured it couldn't hurt to throw the man a bone every now and then.

clearing his throat, mr. choi spoke first.

"i do apologize for my behavior, miss y/n. it does not matter to me what you do in your free time, and i hope that you would forgive me for my unprofessional behavior this morning."

breaking into an amused smile, you let out a small chuckle. it was now the second time that the most important figure of the entire company was apologizing to you, and it was still just as funny as before.

"i accept your apology, mr. choi," you bowed, trying to suppress a giggle as well. "i also want to apologize for not making any time to join you for lunch. i would be happy to accept your invitation this afternoon."

your final words earned a beaming smile from the grown man. completely forgetting your earlier squabble, he immediately began rambling on about making the perfect reservation at some restaurant he recommended, but you didn't pay too much attention.

you were too busy thinking of how you were going to warn soobin.

excusing yourself for a brief moment, you stepped out of the ceo's office and into the empty hallway. making sure to distance yourself from the door, so as not to risk any eavesdroppers, you dialed soobin's number.

the first ring alone had your heart racing, and you couldn't help but to feel silly. you both have spoken on the phone many times by this point, but the butterflies in your stomach still grew nervous at the thought of hearing his voice.

"y/n? hey, give me one second," soobin's beautiful voice finally came through after two rings. after a few seconds, his voice came back. "okay, what's up?"

"i needed to tell you that your dad kind of cornered me into accepting lunch with him today," you told him, chewing nervously on your lip as you waited for his response.

you could hear him sigh on the other, and you began to wonder if he was pouting in that cute way he usually did. "does that mean we have to act like we barely know each other in front of him?"

"unfortunately yes," you giggled. "as far as he knows, we've only met about twice now."

"ahh this crazy man," soobin groaned, and you could even picture him shaking his head on the other end. "i guess i'll wait for his message about where we'll meet then."

"at least i'll still get to see you," you cooed, only slapping your hand over your mouth a second too late.

you began to furiously motion slapping your own forehead at your stupidity, only refraining from actually doing so incase soobin happened to hear over the phone. you couldn't believe you blurted something so embarrassing without even thinking about it.

"trust me, i can't wait to see you either." your heart practically flipped at his words, and you wished it was as easy to race across the city to see him now. "i should probably get back to ... class now, though."

"you were in class?! why did you answer then?" you began to scold him, looking around the empty hallway in a panic. you felt as if you were about to get in trouble for ditching.

"because it was you," soobin stated simply, but he was glad that you couldn't see how badly he was blushing on the other end. he was practically screaming in his own mind for saying something so bold.

you were quite sure that your soul just ascended. your racing heart was really the only sign that you still remained in your body at all.

he was definitely going to kill you at this rate.

"you're so dumb," you mumbled, blushing furiously and feeling the entire room heat up by 20 degrees. "get back to class already."

"alright, fine. i'll see you at lunch, y/nie."

"and i'll see you at lunch, binnie."

・❥・

you seriously couldn't imagine a single moment since you've known him that you had seen mr. choi, a fully grown man, so giddy and excited like a child – except for maybe the last time he had planned for you and soobin to get together.

"you're going to really enjoy what this restaurant has to offer," mr. choi had told you during the drive, chuckling mischievously to himself.

you were already fully aware of his little plan, but you couldn't help but to find the situation so funny.

he wasn't even trying to be subtle.

while you were sitting beside mr. choi, you were trying very hard to hide your phone from view while secretly messaging with soobin.

apparently he had arrived first, just like last time, and was waiting for you both at the front entrance.

your knees began shaking excitedly at the thought of being able to see soobin again. you only wished that his father was not tagging along to ruin the moment.

another downside was knowing you'd have to pretend to be unfamiliar with soobin in front of his father. instead of being able to feel his comforting arms engulf you in the most heaven-inducing hug, you figured you'd have to result back to an awkward handshake instead.

you only hoped that mr. choi would take his leave early on as he had the first time, allowing you both to be comfortable with each other again.

when the two of you arrived to the restaurant, which you couldn't help but to feel way too underdressed for, you immediately spotted the tall boy waiting beside the entrance just as he said he would.

it took every fiber in your body to keep yourself from running over to him.

you were seriously going to lose your mind.

"ah, what's this? my son! good to see you!" mr. choi announced, acting surprised for some reason - as if the two of you didn't know full well that this entire lunch was a setup.

"dad, don't pretend like you didn't invite me here," soobin grumbled, rolling his eyes at the man.

this caused mr. choi to begin clearing his throat awkwardly, having falsely hoped that soobin would play along with his act. he did not account for him exposing his plan within seconds of greeting each other.

as he then went on to explain something about treating you both to a meal, you and soobin met eyes and stopped listening to anything else instantaneously. it felt as if you were having a million conversations at once, not needing any words to communicate. the two of you were suppressing the urge to laugh, wanting desperately to cut the act and embrace one another as tightly as possible.

and this was from only two minutes of being in each other's presence.

"well, if you two are ready, we may go eat now," mr. choi called out from the doorway, smirking pridefully at the way he caught your little staring contest.

with both of you blushing profusely, soobin then allowed you to enter ahead of him before following his father into the restaurant. unlike last time, mr. choi ended up following all the way to the table and even settled into one of the chairs.

once he insisted for you and soobin to sit side-by-side across from him, you came to the dreadful realization that the man did not plan on leaving this time around.

this was going to be a very difficult lunch for you.

although, it was going to be even more difficult for soobin.

when he had told you earlier that he was in class, he was actually in a ... rather different class than you would've expected. he was, truthfully, enrolled in a free course that was teaching him a little something that wouldn't exactly be considered education-based.

flirting 101.

with a certain four idiots playing the role as his professors.

in an attempt to slowly ease into expressing his feelings for you, soobin had shamefully turned to his friends once again for advice on how to properly flirt with you.

some of the suggestions he was given were a little too bold for his taste, such as something called a 'kabedon' that yeonjun told him about, but he was eager to try some of the smaller tips.

unfortunately, now with his father present, soobin wanted to explode in frustration at losing any chance he may have had.

he did pull out your chair for you to sit, but it wasn't enough for him to consider flirting - it was more so being respectful and polite than anything else.

the gesture still made your heart flutter, of course, but soobin didn't know that. he took your small smile as a simple thanks rather than you trying to keep yourself from melting into a puddle.

"miss y/n, did you know my son here is going to be graduating from university soon?" mr. choi spoke up, beginning the typical act of bragging about his son again.

you did know this, actually, but he didn't know that.

"no, i didn't. that's amazing to hear, i'm sure you must be proud," you spoke simply, avoiding looking directly at soobin in the fear that you'd end up bursting out laughing.

"come on, tell miss y/n about all the work you do," soobin's father urged him, giving a pointed look to force him to brag about himself to impress you.

soobin waved his hands in a small refusal, shaking his head as he turned a shade of pink all over. "i really don't do that much."

"nonsense, soobin, you're a hard worker! i know you're very passionate and determined, don't be shy!"

soobin was none of these things.

he was honestly pretty sure he had been cheating an entire class with beomgyu this semester, but he was not about to admit that in front of you or his father.

figuring his son to be a lost cause, the next few minutes consisted of mr. choi promoting soobin to you himself. he told you all about his achievements from when he was younger and even boasting about his talents.

as he spoke, you found yourself genuinely intrigued. you weren't about to deny the opportunity to hear more about soobin's childhood, so you listened intently while an amused grin graced your lips.

soobin, meanwhile, was chewing on his bottom lip as he watched you from the side. you were absolutely breathtaking to him, and he wished he could casually reach over and tuck your hair behind your ear like they do in the movies - a suggestion taken, surprisingly, from beomgyu.

after having been listening to a fascinating karaoke story from soobin's father, your entire body suddenly jolted up as a sudden spark emitted from a place on your thigh.

you no longer could process anything around you, only focusing on the new presence of soobin's hand.

every butterfly in your system was awake once again, fluttering in every part of your body. there was no way no one in the entire restaurant could not hear your pounding heart at this rate, as you were pretty sure it was about to burst out of your chest at any second.

you had been afraid that you wouldn't be able to act comfortable with soobin all afternoon, but you never expected for the cute boy to be so bold despite his father sitting directly across from you.

truth be told, though, he was actually aiming to secretly hold your hand under the table, but he blindly shot too far. with a shaky breath, he figured he was in too deep and left it at that - his heart pounding maniacally as he waited for you to push his hand away yourself.

it surprised you both when neither of you made any move to change your position.

you were more focused on not becoming an obvious blushing mess, while soobin was trying to remember how to breathe.

mr. choi, however, appeared to be none the wiser. he was now boasting about some other impressive achievement of his son's, paying absolutely no mind to the new shade of pink that both of your faces had turned.

"now what about you, miss y/n? i've been bragging about my son this whole time," mr. choi finally earned your attention. "why don't you tell us some things about yourself?"

'sir, i would rather die.' you thought to yourself.

unsure of what to even talk about, you began to describe simple things about your own family. you even briefly mentioned your own achievements as well, figuring it would definitely be something his father would be interested in.

although, you couldn't help but feel like you were a talking resume after a minute. talking about yourself made you feel like you were applying to be his son's wife rather than just making conversation.

amidst the story about your college acceptance, your breath suddenly hitched mid-sentence as you felt soobin's thumb slowly graze along your skin.

you had to quickly reach for your water and take a long drink to play off your embarrassment, refusing to meet either of their confused expressions.

soobin's confusion was more of an act, though. if he was being honest, he was biting back the smirk that wanted to take over his entire face as he saw your reaction to his touch. he was never one to be very confident in his actions, but this gave him a bit of an ego boost he wasn't expecting.

"ahh, sorry, i got- i got something stuck in my throat," you lied, clearing your throat and lightly patting your chest to play onto the act.

"here, let me ask for more water for you," mr. choi told you, genuinely concerned, and began motioning towards a waiter for their attention.

while the man was distracted, you risked a glance over to the boy beside you. you realized it was a mistake after you saw him flashing his dimple mischievously, deepening the shade of pink on your cheeks to a red now.

why was he acting so confident all of a sudden??

what did it mean?!

you turned your head to look at the waiter now, smiling thankfully as he refilled the water in your glass. too many questions were racing through your head now, most of it concerning what the possible reason could be behind soobin's actions.

you couldn't help for one particular thought to consistently occur every time you thought it over ... wondering if maybe soobin's feelings reciprocated your own.

regardless of the answer, you weren't confident that you would be able to survive through the remainder of the afternoon at the rate things were going.

・❥・

surprisingly, you did end up making it through the afternoon.

you were thankful, and maybe a little bit disappointed, that soobin hadn't done anything else to earn anymore reactions on your part. he had even ended up removing his hand whenever the meals had arrived.

what he didn't know was that you secretly yearned for it again immediately afterward.

from thinking he was upset with you yesterday to having him driving you insane today, you did not see yourself living a long life with soobin by your side.

one of these days, he was going to make your heart completely stop.

"thank you for lunch, sir, i greatly appreciate it," you thanked mr. choi on your way out, not wanting to forget his kind gesture - regardless of what his true intentions may have been.

the man chuckled heartily, nudging soobin to take notice of your politeness as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"ahh, miss y/n, it is always a pleasure of mine to treat such a wonderful intern to a nice meal," he told you, the smile of his even reaching up to his eyes. "and, of course, my son as well."

soobin scoffed, rolling his eyes as he felt like more of an after thought.

"if you two will excuse me, i have to call for our ride. allow me one second," mr. choi dismissed himself, taking out his phone and walking a distance away to probably call for mr. jeong to arrive with the car.

once you deemed he was far enough from earshot, you immediately turned to soobin and lightly smacked his arm, earning a small 'ow' through his laughter in response.

"what is wrong with you?" you questioned him with a nonthreatening glare. "why would you do that in front of your dad?"

"do what?" he asked you in a teasing tone, his tongue poking between his teeth as he smiled mischievously at you.

you could only squeeze your lips together in embarrassment, now avoiding his eyes as you felt your face begin to heat up again. you were still too shy to even say it out loud, seeing as thinking about his hand alone had the butterflies acting up in your stomach.

"look at you, you're so cute," soobin cooed, poking cutely at your blushing cheeks.

you swatted his hand away, but he continued to smile at you adoringly as he carefully studied your reaction. he found everything about you truly so cute.

"alright, mr. jeong will arrive here shortly," mr. choi's voice suddenly announced, causing you and soobin to instinctively take a step back from each other.

as if something that obvious wouldn't catch the older man's attention. in fact, he was very aware of it - he just chose to it ignore for both of your sake.

the three of you walked together to the end of the sidewalk, waiting for the next few minutes for your escort back to the company. mr. choi had offered for soobin to join them, but he insisted he needed to catch a separate ride to make it back in time for his next class.

mr. choi almost wanted to insist he join you both anyways, but refrained from doing so in order for his 'determined, hard working son' to make a good impression.

once the car arrived, mr. choi bid his son farewell and entered the vehicle first.

not wanting to think twice and regret it, soobin caught your hand before you could turn away and quickly earned your surprised attention.

with a soft graze of his free hand, he delicately pushed a loose strand of hair to cutely tuck behind your ear. the gesture left a shiver running through your entire body, and you sincerely forgot how to breathe.

using the hand that still held yours, he lifted it up and softly pressed his lips to your knuckles just as he had the night before.

when he looked up to meet your eyes, he cutely took notice of your dazed, lovesick expression watching his every move. he couldn't help the dimply smile that glued itself to his face, finding you absolutely beautiful once again.

now more than ever, he was finally sure.

"i'll see you tonight, okay?"

you nodded absentmindedly, unable to convince yourself that you were not in a dream in this moment. you couldn't even remember entering the car after that, still replaying his touch and his kiss over and over again in your mind.

soobin watched as the car drove further and further away, his heart racing at a million miles a second despite the confidence he had previously exuded.

had he not a single braincell in his mind, he didn't think he would've been strong enough to stop himself from kissing you then and there. you looked more irresistible than ever - the way you looked at him almost being powerful enough to draw him in completely.

he didn't exactly have a plan before, but now he desperately needed one.

because one way or another, he was confessing tonight.

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a/n:

AGHH i know i'm finally proud of my own writing when even i sit here giggling and blushing because of soobin 😭😭💞 anywayyyyy i hope you all enjoy this update !!!

unfortunately, soobin will be confessing next part, which means.... my beloved ceo's son will be coming to an end all too soon. BUT i have other works in the drafts that i am excited to release once it's over <3 so pls pls pls continue to look forward to more content from me soon!!

~

taglist:

@sha-aesthic @wccycc @yjusei @ihrtgyu @strawberrydaichi @seodami @sparkswhoz @o934pm @dongmeiii @cannedturtle @intrrverted @fanfangying1304 @n0tprettybutt1red @human-misery @baekberrie @softcabur

[ bold = couldn't be tagged :( ]

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

Lovers & Friends (18+ Fic)

Pairing: Keigo Takami x Black!Fem!Reader (Friends to Lovers)

Synopsis: In which you and Keigo have begun to realize the strange new feelings you both have for each other after one drunken night at a close friend’s wedding that ends with you in his bed, but because of your longtime friendship and committed relationships with other people, you’re more than happy to forget that night even happened and keep your mutual feelings in the dark…for now, at least. 

Story Warnings: Smutty smut; 18+ (MINORS GET AWAY); Cheating/Infidelity; Mating; Light Degradation; Spanking; Exhibitionism; Multiple Positions; Creampie; Unprotected PIV Sex; Facials; Scent Play; Marking; Spitting; Deepthroating; Cunnilingus; Begging; Edgeplay; Power Play; Daddy Kink; Some Angst; Hurt/Comfort; Mild Violence

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer's Note: This week has been hella weird (I think it's cuz of an eclipse coming or Friday the 13th) but in other news, HAS ANYONE SEEN THE NEW JJK EPISODE? BITCH NANAMI CAN HAVE ALL OF ME. -Jazz

Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Bonus Chapter.

Read on AO3 here!

************

Chapter Thirteen: I'll Kill For You.

That night across the city, Keigo is tossing and turning in his king-sized bed. 

Usually, on a Friday night such as thing one, he would be inviting his friends over for a little kickback or play a round of video games. Maybe he’d even be out in the streets, bar hopping or going to clubs.

But tonight, he doesn’t want to socialize. He doesn’t want to be with anyone. His phone has been blowing up since he’s gotten home, but he ignores it. He even smoked a blunt and went to bed early for work tomorrow, also hoping this would calm his mind that is won’t shut the fuck up about you and Sakura. 

But it won’t. No matter what, his brain keeps replaying Monday afternoon when you looked so damn good in your work clothes when he met you for lunch and the moment Sakura walked out on him last weekend.

“Dammit,” he swears, frustratedly sitting up in his bed. He figured going to bed early in time for work tomorrow would help him clear his mind for a while, but he was wrong. All he can think about are you, Sakura, and how fucked his situation is. 

But mostly, his thoughts lie with you. He is glad things are “cool” with you after that lunch meeting you two had, but things are still…different. There is still that layer of attraction underneath every conversation you two have; every text he sends you; every laugh you give him at his jokes. That night at the hotel only made that attraction more palpable for him. He can’t even look at you the same way again.

“Fuck!” he growls, gripping his hair in frustration. This is ridiculous! He’s never going to get any sleep if his mind keeps racing like this. 

So, against his better judgment, Keigo rises from his bed, tosses on some sweats and a tank top, and takes to the skies in an effort to stretch his wings, destress, and tire himself out enough to get some sleep. He originally plans to just fly about randomly, a particular route not planned…but what the fuck does he do instead?

He takes the route to your and Rumi’s apartment. 

“You stupid motherfucker,” he sighs, criticizing himself and his need to see you. Logically, he knows he isn’t. There is about a one in ten chance he’ll actually see you in your bedroom window, especially considering that you and Rei aren’t a thing anymore and as far as he knows, you’re single. So when he pulls up to your condo, he expects to see your bedroom curtain closed for the night.

What he doesn’t expect to see, however, is Rei’s ass strutting out of the condo building like a proud peacock. Keigo pauses in his route immediately and zips behind the building, pressing his front up against the brick wall.

He peeks out from the side, sneakily eyeing your ex-boyfriend as he practically skips down the steps of your building. Why was he in there? Could you two have talked? Are you back together? God, he hopes not. How could you have taken back a fraud like that? 

Rei begins to whistle a low tune as he digs into his pocket for his car keys. He clicks a button on the pod, causing the headlights on a white sports bar parked off to the side of the street to blink on.

Keigo carefully examines everything about your ex as he pauses for a moment to take a call when his phone rings, noticing how careless he seems. He even turns around, facing away from his car, as if he has no care in the world.

That kind of confidence can only be accomplished through something he managed to receive. Is it you? Did he come over begging for you back and you said yes? Could you have met him for dinner tonight, gotten too drunk, and had sex with him, which is what he was chasing after all along? 

“This raggedy bitch,” Keigo snarls.

The more he thinks, the angrier he gets. And that anger propels him toward Rei’s car, right behind his back without him even sensing the pro. Keigo is just too fast. He zooms right by and settles onto the hood of Rei's car, one foot up while the other dangles above the ground. He waits for Rei to finish his car, half of the conversation nothing but mumbling.

When he finally hangs up with a laugh, Keigo makes his move. “Stalker much, Tempo?” he asks. 

Rei startles and immediately whips around to find Keigo sitting on the hood of his car. Keigo smirks a this reaction, glad he can scare the guy. At the sight of Rei’s eyes narrow. “Well, if it isn’t the number two pro hero,” he huffs. “You mind getting off my car?” 

Keigo cracks his neck, making Rei tense. “Yeah, I do mind,” he growls. “Nice ride, by the way. I can only imagine what kinda shit you’d be able to get with your award.”

A cool smirk that ticks him off stretches across Rei’s face. “Well, we’ll see in a week, won’t we?” he curtly chuckles. “If you don’t get off the car, I’m taking you with me. I don’t think Y/N would wanna see you under a car though.” His smirk only grows wider. 

Keigo imagines punching it off of his face. This fucker is way too cocky and confident right now. Something definitely happened with you tonight. “Were you with her tonight?” he asks, cutting right to the chase. He knows that this doesn’t concern him, but if you’re going to be with anyone else, he'd rather it be someone who isn’t an insecure phony. 

Rei’s smirk fades, replaced with a bitter stare. “Why’s that any of your business?” he asks, placing a hand on his hip. That makes Keigo even angrier for some reason, despite him being right…but shit, he doesn't wanna hear it from him! 

He begins to argue that your happiness is absolutely his business, but Rei stops him. “You think you’re gonna take my place?” he acerbically hisses.

Keigo’s mouth abruptly closes, his brows furrowing in confusion. What the hell is he talking about? “You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” Rei asks, an accusatory look on his face. "Trying to intimidate me, scare me out of breaking up with Y/N so you can steal my spot?” 

Keigo silently stares at him for a minute, wondering if this man had too much to drink and is just saying shit. “Okay,” he begins. “First of all, you’re crazy. Second of all, Y/N already broke it off with you. Third, you’re crazy.” 

Rei chuckles at his insult, rolling his violet eyes. “Not crazier than someone desperate enough to intimidate their best friend’s boyfriend,” he rebuttals.

Keigo scowls at his words, realizing that he’s talking in the present tense again…as if he is still your boyfriend. Rei laughs, finding humor in this. “What, you didn’t hear? We got back together just tonight. A few hours ago, actually.” A suggestive smirk stretches across his punchable face. “I’m sure you can smell the perfume.” 

Keigo immediately jumps off of the car, his wings shuddering with anger. “You’re lying.”

Rei raises an eyebrow at him. “Am I?” he challenges. He raises his phone to Keigo, that smirk still on his lips like he’s winning this game. “You want me to call Y/N so she can tell you herself?” Keigo blankly stares at the phone, his jaw tightening. he’s almost tempted to say yes. 

Rei cackles, making the winged pro want to wring his neck. “You’re pathetic for trying this card, Hawks,”  he sighs pityingly. “I mean, as a pro, you should be smarter than this thinking you could break us up and steal your way into Y/N’s heart…or bed.”

Keigo's ears perk at the last part and his top lip begins to twitch––something that happens when you’ve got him heated. “Da fuck’s that supposed to mean?” he asks through a growl.

Rei isn't the least bit intimidated, or is at least pretending he isn’t. “Look, who you spend the night with is my business,” he says, putting his hands up in mock defense, “but everybody knows you get around. Is that what your current girlfriend is? A one-night stand that turned into a weekly nightstand?” 

His eyes turn into darkened, violet slits, his stare becoming ice cold. “How is she, by the way?” he asks. “Does she know you cheated on her with your best friend?”

Keigo swears his heart falls into his ass. At the sight of his shock, Rei smirks. “Yes, I know. Y/N told me and she seemed pretty torn up about it. Even said it was a total mistake and wished it never happened.” He sighs, putting a hand to his heart. “She even persuaded me to walk away even after she told the truth. How amazing of a girl is she?” 

Keigo digs his nails into his palms so hard that he winches at the stinging sensation he feels. But it’s all he can do to not clock this joke of a man and a pro hero standing in front of him. He knows that Rei is just trying to rile him up, but he won’t let him.

And as pissed as he is that you took him back and that you told him the truth even after you swore him to secrecy, he also knows that this is your decision. He has no say in who you date being that he is just your friend. And only your friend. 

He takes a deep breath and relaxes his shoulders that are wound up tighter than a drum. After finding his inner peace, he looks at the man in front of him, calm and collected. “Look, Rei,” he starts, “I’m not here for this or to break you and Y/N up if it’s true that you’re back together. I just want her to be happy.”

Rei’s smile is bitter, not at all touched by this. “Well, isn’t that sweet of you?” he scoffs. “Now get the fuck away my car.” 

But Keigo doesn’t budge. Instead, he stands there as one of his feathers separates from one of his wings and sharpens to the point. It then zips through the air to stop at the hood of Rei’s car where it sits dangerously close to the metal, its point nearly digging into it and creating a scratch. The fear that crosses Rei's face is nearly orgasmic for him.

“Listen carefully unless you want a feather fuckin’ up your paint job,” he says in a dangerously low voice fit for a horror flick. “Y/N is very important to me, and so is her happiness. She’s like my family.” 

He steps closer to Rei, getting up into his personal space. It’s enough to intimidate Rei even further and make Keigo even happier. “And if anyone fucks with my family, they….” He pauses, letting his words and the meaning behind them linger in the tense air between them. 

Rei tries to act tough, but Keigo can see his Adam’s apple bob––an indication that Keigo has got him by the balls. “They what?” he quietly asks. 

But Keigo doesn’t finish his previous sentence. He can’t. It would be too violent. Plus, to see Rei squirm makes him happier than he’d like to admit. “Just be careful with her, alright?” he says, a warning in his tone. "You hurt her once; don’t do it again.”

Without another word, he turns to walk away from Rei, mostly to ignore the urge to punch him for the one time. 

But as he does, Rei has more say to him: “Is that a threat, Hawks?” he calls after the winged pro, definitely intending to poke the bear and push Keigo to do something he’ll highly regret. 

Keigo stops short, standing in the silvery moonlight a few yards away from Rei. He flaps his wings once, giving Rei a sight of the majestic, crimson creation that is attached to his back. His feather comes zooming past Rei’s face, nearly taking a bit of his ear and causing him to flinch out of the way.

Once his feather has connected back with the other bunch, Keigo cracks the other side of his neck and glares daggers at your boyfriend from across the lot.

“That’s a promise, Tempo,” he warns. “Don’t test me.”  And then, in a flash of red, he's gone. 

[rianafying]

it’s 4am i have the worst migraine of all time. i’ve had it for four days now. it was okay yesterday so i thought ut was over but it’s back again, and i have to go to work cause i’ve got a huge makeup gig today. i have to do hair and makeup for 10 models, and im just, exhausted emotionally. i was supposed to do some drawings and attach them to the file, and i told my client i would do it many days ago, but i didn’t do it. partly because of my headache and partly because ive been forgetful.

update: it’s 8am, i haven’t slept, took some painkillers, been getting spontaneous bursts of anxiety since yesterday afternoon. i always feel a little anxious before a job, but it’s only part of the reason. i feel terrible rn. i feel bloated and crusty, and my hair looks terrible. a huge part of how i feel is based on how i look, and until im happy w the way i look (hair styled, outfit pressed, makeup done, accessorised) i don’t feel okay. and i just hate the way i look and i hate everything rn. i’m having one of those moments where nothing is okay. it is entirely in my head because on other days everything could go wrong and i’d still feel okay. i hate being at the mercy of my emotions. i need more time to gather myself than i have. work is in two hours, at least it’s only a 10 minute walk from my place so if i forget something or whatever, i can come back and get it. but i feel really anxious. i can physically feel it. and i’ve misplaced everything, and suddenly my room is all messy again. and all i want to do is sleep and complain. i wish i didn’t feel so crusty 99% of the time. and i felt so lonely yesterday, not the kind of loneliness that makes me wanna talk to people. it’s the kind that just is there. i don’t wanna talk to anyone. i hate everyone. and i just wanna be by myself. but that also feels bad. i have a social life, and i love my friends but it’s different. i could even see people if i wanted to but i don’t want to. why do i feel this way. i don’t wanna be with people i don’t wanna be by myself either. at least i don’t feel suicidal lately. i just feel annoyed. frustrated. especially with the migraine i just wanna throw things and break things. i never have and i never will actually throw or break things. but that’s how i feel. just super. irritated. i need time i hate being in a time crunch. none of my thoughts make sense and im simultaneously over and under stimulated. how is it too hot and too cold at the same time??? it’s too hot in my blanket but too cold if i take it off. and i can physically feel my skin, like i can feel a separate layer on my body. and im itchy and im so annoyed. its too loud and too bright. and i hate that the sun is up again, and i hate the sound of my alarm. i hate it. and u hate every terrible thing that has happened to me or to anyone. and my heart breaks for those who are going through so so so much worse. and nothing is right. this is not how it’s supposed to be. and i need my therapist. i’m gonna have a mental breakdown. i am having a mental breakdown. i can’t even cry lately. i don’t even drink water. i suck. of course im gonna feel this way. i dug myself into this hole.

another update: it’s almost 8pm, finally got home from work. it was just the most draining day ever. i’m exhausted but also strangely anxious. extremely anxious. the shoot went well, i think?? i hope!

[satans-helper]

Reaching for Stardust - Part X

Read Looking For Space here / Playlists here / Read on wattpad

Word Count: ~3700

Warnings: none

A/N: Even just planning a fictional wedding is a lot of work LOL. Hope you enjoy <3

---

I wondered if the coils of nerves I felt in addition to those soft butterflies would also linger until the actual wedding came and went. I was nervous to even just get the girls together–Bev, Kirsti and Jane–and I couldn’t understand why that was, not entirely anyway. They all knew each other. Bev and Jane were friends, though Jane and Kirsti had only met once or twice, and it wasn’t like I was being paraded to my grave–we were going wedding dress shopping, something I was really looking forward to. Except, and I giggled to myself about this as I drove to Kirsti’s house to pick her up, I did really want Josh to go with me too. However, we’d agreed that keeping the bride’s dress a secret until the day of the ceremony was a tradition we would abide by, which I also liked. He said he could imagine me in the dress I chose; I could imagine the look on his face when he finally saw it. 

I was also excited to see the dress for myself, whatever and wherever it might be. I was unsure that the first bridal shop we went to would have what I pictured, which I described in detail to Kirsti while we drove over, but hopeful for the best. The thought of having to drag out this process over multiple shops and multiple days seems completely daunting but I felt like I understood what all other brides strived for as well–perfection and nothing less. It was a lot of pressure to put on myself and everyone else, really, and I figured the boys would have a much easier time. Although, maybe not–Josh had a fierce eye for detail and a strong drive for perfection, too.

Bev and Jane ambushed me with a dual hug as soon as I stepped out of the car, though I’d already told Bev about the engagement in person and Jane had shrieked like an overjoyed banshee when I’d called her about it. I couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled out of me; I hugged them back and we squeezed one another while they both erupted into overlapping chatter of disbelief and excitement. 

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I knew this would happen,” Bev said, releasing me from her hold and Jane followed suit, both of them giving me room to breathe. “But it’s still like, wow. So exciting. So crazy. Are you so excited?”

I laughed again, throwing my head back and my face felt a strong burst of early afternoon sunlight. “I’m so excited,” I said, and it felt more and more true each time I said it. “It’s okay to not believe it wouldn’t happen though. I dragged out this relationship for so long–”

Kirsti quickly interrupted me: “Enough of that,” he said in her best big-sister-scolding tone, but when I looked at her, a smile broke out over her lips. “Life is long. You’re getting married, that’s all that matters.”

“This dress matters too,” Bev said, hooking her arm in mine and motioning for Jane to take the other, which she did. “Let’s find you the perfect one.”

“And the perfect shoes,” Jane added. “And the perfect everything else.” 

Inside the shop was a huge wash of white, mostly. But within the blank canvas of color, or lack thereof, there were so many different textures, fabrics and cuts that it soon became overwhelming just to look at; but I wasn’t there for white. I had a vision in my mind of my dress and the dresses for the friends I treasured so deeply, none of which would be white. I explained this to the stylist, who led all of us to a different section, one that matched the aesthetic of the sort of subdued, soft twilight sky I had in mind; she helped me choose four different ones to start, and I quickly learned that being the center of attention for so long was going to be a bit of a challenge. 

“Come on, don’t be bashful,” Bev called out while I stripped behind a curtain. “We’re here to judge the dresses, not you.”

“It’s a good thing Mom didn’t come,” Kirsti added. “She’d be doing both.”

“I actually think she’s mellowed out with age,” I replied. She really had, thank God. But I still had wanted to spare myself of too much scrutiny and, surprisingly, she hadn’t taken offense to me wanting only the help of my friends and sister. She claimed she wanted to be surprised by whatever I chose too, and had taken on the task of wedding flowers and greens on her own. Another win and another moment of gratitude for myself. But in the shop, I looked down at my chest then at the unzipped dress I was holding in my hands: “I don’t think I wore the right bra for this.”

“I’m sure they’ll take that into consideration,” Kirsti said. “Just try it on!”

“Alright, alright.” I stepped into it, the material super fine and wispy around my legs. The color was nice–a pale, icy blue–but the more it covered my body as I pulled it up, the less sure I was about it. Plus the short sleeves looked off. Nonetheless, I smoothed it over my waist and hips, then reached behind myself to grope for the zipper. With a huff, I eventually called out, “I need help.”

Jane popped in past the curtain. While we stood in front of the mirror, her behind me dutifully zipping me up, I thought back to Jake’s subdued excitement when I mentioned her being a bridesmaid. “So,” I began, allowing the thoughts to become words with my curiosity getting the better of me. “What do you think of Jake?”

Her eyes met mine briefly in the mirror. “He seems nice. I think I only met him once, right?”

I sighed, smoothing the bodice of the dress with my hands. “How is that possible? I should have been forcing those boys to hang out with all of you way more often.”

Jane laughed a little. “They seem fun. But why? Is he not fun and I should be worried?”

“No, the opposite. Jake is very fun and you should be excited.” I turned around, all zipped up and feeling stiff and awkward in such an unfamiliar fit. “I think he’s interested in you. Maybe you two will fall in love next.”

Her face brightened, then her eyebrows rose and curiosity was a curtain over her own features, not just mine. “I need to remember what he looks like.”

I took one last look in the mirror behind me, took a breath and nodded at the curtain. “My phone’s out there. How do I look though? Be honest.”

“Hot,” Jane said, smiling. “But I can tell you don’t think this is the one.”

“I don’t think so. But let’s see what they say.” I stepped out with Jane by my side; Kirsti looked up from her phone and narrowed her eyes, inspecting, while Bev lit up bright, grinning wildly and clapping. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help chuckling, my face growing hot. “Alright, chill, Bev.”

“It looks so good!” she said, hopping to her feet. Her volume alerted the stylist to return to us and I felt swarmed, overheating in this suffocating but beautiful shop. 

“What do you think?” the stylist asked, hands clasped in front of herself as if she was expecting me to veto it, and she wasn’t wrong.

“I like the color,” I said, looking down at the rippling icy blue. “But I don’t think I like the short sleeves.” I glanced at the three dresses that were hanging, waiting. “Could I try on that long-sleeved one with the lace next?”

“Of course.” She whisked over to it and was the one to follow me into the dressing room, immediately bringing her hands to undo the dress I still had on. “A January wedding, right?”

I nodded, wiggling as the dress was gently pulled down. “January 18th. It feels so soon.”

A smile met my eyes in the mirror. “The weddings do feel like they come on so fast.” 

Once I stepped into the new dress, I could feel the immediate difference–this one was lighter and softer against my skin, the most delicate tulle and silk brushing over my legs and such a fine mesh over my collar and arms. The color was even better too, not entirely an icy blue but more like the blue of the twilight sky I often thought of when I thought of my husband-to-be. The skirt was layered, actually tiered, with the front shorter and becoming longer as it went back, skirt like waves of pale cerulean and ultramarine, blue so light it was almost white. The mesh and lace bodice matched that gentle serenity and the sweetheart neckline shaped itself against my chest nicely, and the flare of the skirt gave me additional shape I didn’t even realize I had. I was silent, sort of in awe at how good it looked and how much I liked it. 

“What do you think?” the stylist asked, stepping back and putting her hands on my shoulders to turn me to the side a bit. “Look at it from all angles.”

“I love it,” I told her, then questioned my own zealousness. “Do most other brides choose the second dress or am I going too fast?”

The stylist laughed softly, an encouraging sound. “If it works, it works. I think this looks beautiful.” She grabbed the edge of the curtain. “Should we see what your bridesmaids think?”

And like the three boys of my soon-to-be extended family whom I loved so much, my three girls all gave different and apparent reactions: Jane gasped, bringing a hand to cover her mouth, with such theatrical flair I felt my face flush and I resisted rolling my eyes in defense. Bev shot up from her chair and rushed over to me, nearly blocking my view of Kirsti’s eyes widening and saying, “Damn.”

“Oh God,” I said, covering my face. “How am I going to handle an entire day of people staring at me?” 

“Are you kidding?” Kirsti laughed. “They’ll all be staring at Josh.”

I peeked through my fingers. “Probably.”

“I’m kidding!” Kirsti laughed again. “You look amazing. He’s gonna flip out when he sees you.”

“I’m flipping out right now!” Bev exclaimed, nearly knocking the stylist out with her wild movements around me, inspecting the dress, buzzing like a bee. “This is perfect! This is the one, babe. You have to get it.”

“Mom’s getting it,” Kirsti announced. “She gave me her credit card. And her blessing.”

“Oh, of course, I couldn’t get it without that,” I said, actually rolling my eyes then, but the distant approval filled me with even more joy nonetheless. It felt like everyone and everything that was most important to me was coming together–after all, that’s what a wedding was, right? It was astounding. It was overwhelming. I felt breathless–literally. 

“Fuck,” I uttered, so unladylike, pinching at the bodice. “Too tight.”

The stylist was at my side in an instant, resting a reassuring hand on my waist. “We’ll let it out a bit. An inch is all you need.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna get more than that on your wedding night!” Bev proclaimed, cackling, and Jane fell into laughter with her. 

“My God, why does she take you anywhere?” came Kirsti’s humored reply on my behalf, reading my mind. 

“You really think this is the one?” I asked, finding my breath again, looking in the mirror against the wall. It felt like the one regardless of the slight tightness against my ribs, and it certainly looked like the one I had imagined. It was funny, I thought, how similar Josh was–beginning as a nagging thorn in my side to quickly being the epitome of my own personal perfection, in both vision and soul. 

“It’s just so–so you,” Kirsti affirmed, coming to my side. “It’s like, exactly what you described.”

“Stunning,” Jane added, retrieving her phone. “Come on, let’s take pictures.”

And so we did, with me trying to overcome my fear of being in the limelight, then all of us together beaming with elation that I never thought would be a part of my life. Like many girls and women, I’d imagined a wedding and being married, but I never thought it would seriously happen. The idea of a soulmate had always been nice but also frivolous and unattainable. All four of us in that bridal shop had spent so much time over the years on guys who’d just wasted that time, guys who had proven over and over that they weren’t even close to being “the one” or even “a one.” Josh had felt sort of antithetical to my existence when we’d first met–him vibrant and loud, a bit of a showboat and someone who commanded attention. But then I saw, and anyone who really knew him could, the layers beneath that. I saw more and more how he was gentle and delicate, sweet and thoughtful, shy in the most unexpected ways. And he brought out the qualities in myself I’d craved to see more and more of, qualities that I’d been envious of when we’d first met. He made it feel safer to be free, to be silly and eventually I wanted the entire world to see him and to see us together. 

“Okay,” I said, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen into my flushed face back. “Now we gotta find all of your dresses.” 

The maid of honor and bridesmaid dresses ended up being a success as well after some brief squabbling about the length and neckline. I’d vividly imagined, and collaborated with Josh, the colors of the entire wedding party–Josh and I in blue, Kirsti in dusky rose, Jake in maroon, the bridesmaids in a gray-ish lavender and the groomsmen in cool gray. I wondered how they would fare when their day to shop came along, and quickly imagined Sam making a fuss over every little garment detail, Danny going along with everything Josh ordered and Jake watching it all unravel, cool demeanor on the outside but mind turning on the inside. 

During our late celebratory lunch, Kirsti reminded me that bachelor and bachelorette parties were a thing.

“Shit,” I said, dropping my fork to the table. “I haven’t even thought about that. Weddings are so expensive to begin with and now I have to plan a whole party too?”

“We plan it, silly,” Kirsti said. “Just tell me when you wanna do it.”

“Bridal shower, too,” Jane added, giving me a sympathetic look.

“We can plan that too,” Kirsti assured me, patting my shoulder. “And I already talked to Mom and Dad about that. They’re paying for it.”

“What’s there to pay for?” I questioned, feeling overwhelmed again and trying not to freak out in the booth. “Isn’t it just people giving me gifts? Besides, Josh and I don’t need anything.”

Bev laughed. “Yes, you do. I’ve seen your flatware. You guys shouldn’t be eating off chipped plates.”

“I like those plates,” I grumbled, stirring my iced tea with the straw. “Besides, ‘flatware?’ Are we really that old?”

“Talk to Josh and make a list,” Kirsti encouraged. “We can just do other stuff for the bridal shower if you want and keep the registry for the boring, adult stuff.”

“Yeah, fun stuff only for the bridal shower,” Bev said with a wink.

I sat back, giving her a warning look, but then we both burst into laughter. “Fine, fine,” I said. “Do what you will. I guess when I fantasized about a wedding, I didn’t think about every little thing that went into one.”

“I don’t see divorce in your future. You and Josh are made for each other,” Kirsti said, and my laughter died down into quiet surprise. I mean, I knew that was true, but hearing that affirmation from my own sister was something else. “You only get married once. Let’s have fun with it and make it count.” 

By the time I got back home, I was exhausted. I laid back in bed, the curtains drawn and spilling early evening light inside, and started to work on a registry with the aid of Kirsti’s directions. I hadn’t even realized my eyes had closed, but when it was nearly entirely dark in the bedroom, I awoke from a groggy sleep to my laptop in front of my face shut and Josh’s body draped across my backside. 

I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were closed but I couldn’t tell if he was actually sleeping. “Hey, Starshine,” I greeted quietly, rolling over to face him. 

He opened his eyes and smiled. “Hey, darling.”

“We should get up,” I said, making no effort to actually do so. “I didn’t mean to doze off. What time is it?”

Josh looked behind himself at the clock on our nightstand. “8:16. You were doing more wedding planning?”

I groaned, closing my eyes again, nestling against his chest. “Trying to. There’s so much to do, Josh. I’m getting stressed out.”

“So let me do more.”

“Maybe I’m stressed over nothing,” I mused, comforted by his arms wrapping around me, but the torrent of thoughts that came next still seemed overwhelming. “So we have to figure out the registry, Kirsti’s doing my bridal shower, the girls are all doing my bachelorette party. You have to figure out your bachelor party. We still have to figure out the food for the wedding and the bar–”

Josh giggled. “Okay, yes, that sounds like a lot. But what have we done so far? The invitations are all sent out, we’ve secured the venue, you got your dress and so did the girls.”

“Honeymoon,” was all I replied with.

Josh rubbed my back. “Darling, we will figure that out, too. If it’s too much, we can save the honeymoon for a later time. It doesn’t have to happen right after the wedding if we don’t want it to.”

“I just wanna get married.”

“I do too. And we’re going to.” 

I inhaled the scent of our detergent and the faint remnants of sweat on his skin. “Did you ever think about your wedding when you were younger? Or is that really just a girl thing?”

“I thought about it. Not very often, but yes, I did. I’m thinking about it a hell of a lot nowadays.” Josh sighed. “The best part of this will be having everyone we love there with us.”

“Speaking of–when are you guys going to get your suits?”

“Tomorrow, as a matter of fact.”

“Wow. Big day. Don’t let Sam bully you.”

Josh laughed. “Absolutely not.”

Eventually Josh roused me enough to get back up to my feet. Dinner was quick and we ate it on the balcony, our chipped plates on the thrift store table, the stars barely visible but still, it was enough. We had ice cream in the freezer which I scooped afterwards and we ate that outside too, my head on Josh’s shoulder to cure the chill from eating it, and night drifted deeper and deeper but my evening nap had ruined my appetite to sleep.

“So what should we do?” Josh asked as we did the dishes together, me washing, my ring resting on the windowsill, and him drying. 

“Anything that’s not wedding-related,” I said, exhausted by the mere thought of attempting to do any more work on it.

“Should we go somewhere?”

I was quick, eager for anything: “Yes.”

“Should we go to our spot?”

I smiled down at the suds on my hands. “Always.”

So down the empty streets we rode with Josh driving, the sky becoming darker with each quick mile, the stars getting brother and closer as the minutes ticked by. I was even more wide awake than I’d been earlier when we made it to the barn, its familiar decay a comforting presence, like a living, breathing thing that silently greeted us when we stepped onto the dirt and then onto the tall grass. 

“Show me our initials again,” Josh said, taking my hand and leading the way despite his request. “I need to see that beautiful heart you carved.”

“I don’t know about ‘beautiful,’” I said, tramping along. “My knife skills aren’t as refined as yours.”

“Nonsense.” When Josh and I made it to that wood engraved with our initials and, of course, the shoddy heart finally carved around them, he looked it over in the dark for a long moment. I just watched him trace the lines with his eyes, and then his fingers, as best he could–we’d forgotten flashlights and I don’t think Josh ever really thought to use his phone–until he turned to me and wrapped me in a hug. “Brilliant,” he said, kissing me. 

“Our legacy,” I told him, looking into those eyes of his, as dark and as deep as a forest soaked in twilight.

He smiled, so light and sweet. “And I would be perfectly content with that,” he said, lifting his hands to brush my hair back past my shoulders. “But I think our actual legacy will be even greater.” 

“You think?” I questioned teasingly, tilting my head. The abandoned barn, the cool air, the faint moonlight and Josh’s love and beauty had me feeling silly. 

“Absolutely, my love.” Josh brought his lips to my neck; his mustache and beard made me audibly giggle and he chuckled too as he pressed me back against the barn, and he spoke the next words even more softly: “You know how many poems I’ve written about you. And all the poems you’ve written about me. Our words will immortalize us–someday people will find them and wonder who we were.”

I ran my hands up his back, bringing him closer to me. “Are you so sure about that, Joshua?”

There was a kiss placed right beneath my ear. “Very sure, my darling.” 

I tilted my head back to look up at the stars. “Then I’m going to believe you.”

---

Tagging: @sparrowofrhiannon @jjwasneverhere @clairesjointshurt @bizzielisteningtogreta @colorstreammind

If you'd like to be tagged in any of my fics, you can DM me or go here :)

[notalexhorne]

I encounter problems nobody else on the fucking planet has ever encountered before

Since it's Monday, and I figured places would be, ya know, open, I went to my insurance to find a therapist to make an appointment because I want to claw my fucking skin off. I went down the list, met with either disconnected lines or voice mail, before I finally spoke to an actual human being, and he told me I could go down and fill out some forms and get an appointment. Cool. Except the address he gave me was not the address on the website.

Fine, fuck whatever. I go down to where I think he meant, because I know that this place I've called is a network of buildings and there are a few of them around town. So I go to the one I think he's meant, but nope. It's the wrong one. She sends me to what I think is across the street, but it's the wrong one again, and as I'm trying to figure it out, I remember that he mentioned being behind the YMCA. So I finally figured that out, and find the correct building a block away.

Because there are three buildings within a block of one another, all doing slightly different things. Because why not?

I got into this one and there are like, four doors as soon as I get inside, and none of them are labelled, so I just have to guess where I'm trying to go. Eventually I find one that's unlocked, and I find a lady who does billing, and at this point I'm nearly hysterical. I have no idea what's going on, I'm just trying to talk to somebody about an obscenely traumatic weekend, and this is not helping. She hands me a 20-page intake form, which I was at least expecting, and then drops the bombshell on me that they're not actually open on Mondays. So now I'm wondering who I just spoke to on the phone, who just told me to come down and fill out paperwork, and I'm turning into a fucking stereotype at this point of the hysterical little gay man having a fit in a lobby because nothing is going right, so she hands me a card for an office that is open on Mondays, and which can schedule an appointment for me.

At this point I'm at least able to calm down a bit, and I asked her if there was anywhere I can fill out the paperwork, because I don't want to go all the way home just to do it, and she let me sit in the lobby to do it at least. Then, as I was halfway to this mysterious fourth clinic, I realised it's my my fucking GP. The place I have been going to at least once a month lately for another issue entirely. So I get there and at this point I am done. I just about managed to not have a full breakdown in their lobby, and it was only the fact that the receptionists were baffled that not one single person I spoke to had bothered to ask my name over this entire thing that prevented me from having a full total breakdown right there in the lobby. I was already in the system. I didn't need to walk all over town. I didn't need to go to three other places. I didn't even need to leave the house at all. I could have just called my GP, but I didn't think about it, because I'm so fucking fried from what happened that I'm just kind of on auto pilot. But as soon as I was able to gain control of my mouth, I told them what happened, and that I just need to talk to someone, and they set up a phone call for me later this afternoon, and wow. How amazingly easy that was.

Jesus Christ, I'm going to explode. What a massive amount of stress I do not need.

[dokifluffs]

Sleepy Time With His Babies | Atsumu, Osamu

Pairings: Atsumu X Reader (female), Osamu X Reader (female) 

genre: DOMESTIC SLEEPY FLUFFINEss

Author’s Note: you guys are in for a treat~ 

Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Kita, Kuroo // Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Ennoshita, Akaashi // Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Iwaizumi, Sakusa // Sleepy Time With Their Babies | Kenma, Bokuto

gif by @rivaillerose 💛💛

Atsumu: 

The usually bustling city life calmed down to a light doze

Sounds of usual heavy traffic were reduced to the faint zooming sounds of a few cars as they zipped by through the empty, bright streets

Though none of this brightens reached the two of you

Your shared apartment was high enough above the city where none of the lights at night somehow reached the two of you ever

The bedroom was immersed in complete darkness, nothing could be seen no matter how adjusted one’s eyes were to the dark

Deep breaths came from atsumu as he laid on his back, his legs somewhat spread under the covers, a hand resting on his stomach, the other outstretched as you laid curled up, faced away from him in your own little ball

His mind slowly stirred, his subconscious waking at the absent feeling of your presence beside him

His deep breaths shortened down as his fingers twitched, the tips of them grazing the back of your shirt

He woke more, huffing out an airy groan

“so.. far… away.. yer not supposed to be that far…” his mind pieced this together as he reached for you in the dark, moving closer toward the center of the bed

His hand moved down the side of your body until he found your belly

Despite being half asleep, Atsumu’s mind was still as sharp as it was when it came to volleyball, if not, sharper when it came to you

He hooked his arm around your abdomen, pulling you closer to him while also meeting you halfway

He didn’t feel complete until your back was to his chest, your body was touching his

You stirred in your own sleep feeling this pulling sensation until you woke yourself up the slightest

You turned in atsumu’s hold, his hand now resting on your lower back as you faced his chest, your head tilted back so your breaths tickled his neck

As fast and as soon as the two of you woke to the feel of each other, the two of you were out like a light

And that was all atsumu wanted

To feel you

Domestic: 

The heavy weight crushed him slowly as the villain laughed maniacally in his face as he struggled to break free to save the city

Just as the final blow was about to hit Atsumu in the face, his body was jolted awake, relieved to not see any villains trying to destroy his town as he took deep breaths to head back to sleep

Though what he did realize was that the weight was still there

The bright light of the full moon shone through the open curtains Atsumu had neglected to close when he came up to bed, too tired and unbothered to do anything

But now with the light, he could clearly see the weight that made his breathing feel so stuffy

Well, he could see the weights

His four year old son and three year old daughter were fast asleep right on top of him, explaining why the bedroom door was ajar instead of completely shut like he had done coming in

His daughter was mostly the one on top of him while half his son’s body was on top

Though by the looks of what he could see, it seemed like his daughter had pushed her brother off of him

Atsumu chuckled silently to himself seeing the starfish position his daughter was in on top, her arms and legs spread widest to her abilities to hold as much of her dad as she could in her sleep

He pulled his son to his left side, carefully bringing his daughter to his right side so they could all sleep comfortably together

The two of them naturally curled into his sides, the feeling of them as natural as having you by his side

Though you were in a different time zone than they were for work right now

“We can’t wait to see ya,” Atsumu thought to himself as he let the last thing he see for the night be the pale moonlight on the ceiling  

gif by @rivaillerose​ 💛💛

Osamu: 

Osamu slept like a log with his jaw hanging slack as an inconsistent rhythm of rain bounced off the roof of the house

The bedroom the two of you slept in was high, the faintest golden-white hue of the streetlights shining in, casting blurry shadows of the rain streaming down the glass

You slept curled into Osamu’s side as he laid straight, his chest and arm being your pillow, warmer and comfier than any pillow

Your gentle, hot breaths warmed his side, his gray hair spread around on his pillow

Light snores could be heard but it wasn’t anything you weren’t used to

Even after his showers, no matter how much time he spent at home, how little time he went into the restaurant now as a little vacation, you could still smell the fresh scent of onigiris on him, even in your sleep

You nuzzled yourself closer to him, your hand rubbed over his toned abdomen even after all these years of cooking and making food, Osamu was still in shape

Occasionally even hitting some set by his brother for fun whenever visiting the rowdy blonde

His warmth was like no other and it was just as you loved it- loved him

A sudden, loud boom of thunder shook the ground, making the ground and bed vibrate for the briefest second

You jumped in your sleep, your heart aching for a short bit at the sudden jump from a resting heart rate to a rapid one

Osamu initially woke a little at the sound but was really awake now that you practically jumped against him

“You alright?” His voice was so much deeper from sleep, the words and the sound of his voice airy and raspy as he spoke

“Mmhm,” you let out a deep sigh, laying back down on Osamu. “It just made me jump...” you nuzzled closer to his body

He let out a deep chortle, his hand wrapping around your shoulder, giving it a squeeze as he pressed a kiss, followed by another as he couldn’t resist it

“I got ya,” his voice was so low, with your head laid on him, you could hear hints of the vibrations that rumbled in his chest and throat as he spoke

“Thank ya,” you copied his accent, different from yours

“Hmm,” he laid still for a moment before he turned so now his body laid, crushing on top of you

“‘Samu,” you groaned as you adjusted to his sudden mass lumped on top of you

He took hold of the sides of your head in his hands, pressing sleepy kisses to your face and neck, feeling your face burn hotter and hotter at his sudden affection

“Now I really got ya,” you could hear the smirk on his face

Domestic: 

Osamu’s arms draped across your shoulders, the other holding your belly as you sat leaned back into his chest as he leaned against the headboard, a mass of pillows behind him

His thumb rubbed over your shoulder, your head leaned on his bicep, face squished into his muscle

He was just barely slipping in and out of consciousness in hopes you were okay, that the cramps were gone

You woke him not too long ago, the pain in your back and lower belly stung tears into your eyes and that was enough pain for Osamu to see and he didn’t want to see you in pain

His own cheek and head leaned forward to rest on yours, the sweet scent of your hair filling his nose with every still breath he took in

The storm raged on outside ever since the evening and showed no sign of lighting up until tomorrow afternoon according to the news channels

Rain flooded into the storm drains, restless flashes of lightning that filled the sky

Though a little rain and a few rumbles never bothered your sleeping

That is, until a bright flash illuminated the room followed by one of the biggest booms of thunder you had ever heard in your life

Startled by the sudden loudness, you jumped in Osamu’s arms, his eyes widened and hold on your stomach just hovering fearing his touch would somehow worsen any pain you were feeling

“What’s wrong?” His voice was deep, laced with sleep dripping from every word yet his eyes and mind were alert and wide, his attention on you in the dim darkness of the bedroom, a golden aura from a street lamp in the neighborhood barely passing the curtains. “Are you in pain?”

“No, thank you, though, ‘Samu.” You let out a sigh, leaning to rest your head back on his collar, his hand draped across your shoulders giving you a squeeze and rub. “The storm just startled me, that’s all”

Your hand found his hovering over your belly, pressing it down so it rested where it had moments ago

“Hm,” he let out a shot chortle before leaning close, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “Let’s sleep,” he whispered, using his foot to bring the blanket closer to the two of you so it rested on your lower halves

“Mmhm,” you hummed, reaching your head back to his bicep where you rested earlier, pressing a kiss to him before drifting back asleep in his hold

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Something in the woods is stealing peoples’ Souls;

Merlin learns the hard way that he's a little more... fragmented, than normal people when he tries to solve the issue himself.

Part 2 (final part)

All of the Physicians in the town are being overrun.

Bodies keep showing up, still breathing, still perfectly functional, all seemingly unharmed... but they won’t wake up.

None of them will even twitch, as if, whilst the physical bodies were in perfect condition, there was something lacking somewhere, stopping any sort of higher brain function.

The King, his Knights, and even the Court Physician and his (newly titled) Co-Worker (as opposed to Apprentice), were baffled.

Medically, they had nothing to go on, all they could do was keep the bodies alive as best they could, and hope that some sort of solution could come about after some good old fashioned detective work.

Thankfully, it only took five days, and twelve comatose patients, for The King’s best Knights to realise that all of the... victims(?) had been found in a specific area of the woods just outside the city limits.

With such a distinct, and unexplainable issue, it was assumed (rightfully) that magic was involved somehow; whether it be some sort of creature, or yet another evil sorcerer hell-bent on revenge.

Which of course led to Merlin, one of the Court Physicians, and also (Secretly)TheMostPowerfulWarlockEver™, putting on his warmest clothes and sneaking out in the dead of night under the worried gaze of Gaius.

He did not come back.

Not that anyone but Gaius knew.

~

Early the next morning, King Arthur gathered his best Knights, Sirs Leon, Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan, to go and hunt down whatever it was that was rendering his people permanently unconscious.

Gaius and Merlin had explained the previous day, when these plans were conceived, that Merlin would have to stay behind; Camelot’s Physicians were so overwhelmed with not only normal patients, but now twelve comatose bodies as well; they needed every pair of hands they could get. For once, Arthur was happy to leave his manservant behind. 

The man cared greatly for his people, and whilst he would love nothing more than to have Merlin at his side all day, every day, he knew that he was safer, and more needed, in the city.

It was meant to just be in case Merlin got injured and had to hide it, but Gaius did well to hide his worry when he waved them off, and didn’t mention that Merlin wasn’t even in the city, that they could be finding Merlin’s comatose body next.

It took the Gang barely half a day to get there, and they had supplies to last them a few days in the woods, if that’s what it came to, but they were all still tense.

They hadn't seen anything like this before. They had no idea what they were up against; there were no physical injuries to assess, no eye-witness accounts, nothing found in their blood or on their person. Just unconscious bodies that showed no sign of waking.

Thankfully, they found no more bodies as they methodically searched the forest, but they also found no sign of what was wrong.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary: nothing attacked them, there was no blood, no destroyed areas, not even a scrap of evidence that something had even happened.

They finally stopped to make camp at sundown, dejected. Their mood definitely worsening with Elyan’s terrible cooking.

Gwaine was, of course, the most talkative:

“I know he’s needed or whatever, but are we sure we can’t go back and get Merlin? I’ve eaten a lot of gross shit over the years, but I’m not sure if I can take this for four more days.”

Elyan grumbles in embarrassment as the others snort, amused, and he throws a twig at Gwaine. It snaps in two across the knight’s face with a satisfying crack.

Arthur ignores the childish behaviour (something he can’t believe he has to do in the first place), shaking his head as he replies:

“No. The health of the people comes before your stomach. If Gaius says he’s needed in the city, then he stays in the city. Though I was surprised that he wasn’t there to wave us off.”

Gwaine smirks knowingly, and Percival puts a warning hand on his shoulder, but it does nothing to deter the knight as he waggles his eyebrows at The King.

Arthur flushes slightly, but he covers it quickly, not having time to retort before Gwaine opens his mouth again:

“Missing him, are you? Perhaps next time you should request that he stand on the battlements in a dress, and wave a handkerchief at us as we heroically ride out?”

Arthur throws a much larger twig (it’s more of a branch, really) in Gwaine’s direction, and this one knocks him off his seat, but before anyone can even snigger at him, Arthur loudly announces the watches and tells everyone to get some sleep.

~

The next day went much the same. 

That is, until late-afternoon.

The Knights were continuing their methodical search of the woods, once again finding themselves somehow tense and bored, when they came across a clearing that had clearly seen a gruesome battle.

Trees were uprooted, the ground was covered in deep holes and scorches, and there were even the occasional splashes of blood.

Which honestly raised more questions that it answered.

After thorough searching, they were hopeful. It looked like it had been some sort of fight between a sorcerer, and something... not human, some sort of creature. BUT, going by the tracks, the sorcerer had survived, and wandered off.

Was the sorcerer injured, or was the creature injured? If the sorcerer had walked off, injured or otherwise, where was the creature? Surely they should find the body of one or the other?

Another question that no one really wanted to ask: was this even related to the bodies?? Or had the Knights just stumbled onto something completely unrelated that they would inevitably get dragged into dealing with anyway?

Either way, they couldn’t ignore it, and with new-found motivation, they followed the tracks deeper into the woods, instead of setting up camp, like they had intended.

Whoever it was seemed to be wandering aimlessly. The blood trail slowly came to a stop, and it seemed that every step was stronger; as if whoever it were was gaining more energy from walking, as opposed to becoming more tired.

Still, whoever they found at the end of the tracks would be able to provide some sort of answer.

Eventually, after around two hours of diligently following the footsteps through the woods, Arthur signalled everyone to stop.

He wordlessly dismounts his horse, and gestures everyone to quietly do the same, before silently pointing ahead.

The knights look carefully to where he gestures, to see a man stood in the centre of a clearing, facing away from them.

They, still silent, draw their swords and sneak closer, but the man doesn’t move, doesn’t even twitch, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was stood upright, they would think him dead.

Arthur steps into the clearing, about twenty feet from the man, and furrows his brow. That looks like.... no... it can’t be, can it? He shakes the thoughts from his head, convinced that he’s just imagining things, but before he can make his presence known, the man turns around, as if he sensed them stood there.

All of them gasp and take a step back, immediately recognising Merlin.

But he’s... different.

He stands scarily still, unusual for a man who was constantly fidgeting or on the move.

His face is blank, and if he hadn’t been staring straight at them they would think he hadn’t noticed them at all, and whilst he stood as if uninjured, his tunic is ripped and blood-soaked.

But what draws everyone’s attention, was the bright golden glow of his eyes, highlighted especially by the quickly descending darkness of the evening.

Arthur brings his sword up slowly, taking a cautious step forward as he calls Merlin’s name.

Merlin simply tilts his head slightly, otherwise staying still, before stutteringly beginning to speak:

“Mer... lin... Merlin....... Merlin is... Merlin is...... Merlin is gone.”

It’s clear that something is deeply wrong with the manservant, but the way he spoke, as if he knew how but had never actually done it before, like he was still figuring it out, creeped the hell out of everyone.

His words as well, “Merlin is gone” do nothing but fill them with dread.

Lancelot steps forward quickly, moving to stand in front of Arthur, sword unsheathed but pointing at the ground. He was unsurprisingly less fearful of the golden irises, and recovered the quickest:

“What do you mean, “Merlin is gone”, gone where? Who are you?”

Merlin... or... not!Merlin, tilts his head further:

“Merlin is... gone. I... I... I want him... back.”

Lancelot gulps but before he can reply, Arthur breaks out of his stupor, and growls:

“What have you done with him?! Whatever you are, give him back!”

Merlin moves his gaze from Lancelot to Arthur, and takes a step forward, before bowing his head slightly, as if out of respect:

“You are... The Once and Future King... I want him back... you... you... you need him... back.”

The rest of the knights are fully freaked out now, but they hide it well, and gather slowly around Arthur. Lancelot scowls at them, holding a placating hand out. He really doesn’t want any of them to get jumpy and skewer Merlin. He takes another step towards the golden-eyed man:

“We all want Merlin back. The bodies, the same thing happened to you? Happened to Merlin?”

Not!Merlin nods slowly once again, looking back to Lancelot:

“It... took him... from me. I... I... I want him back.”

Lancelot returns his nod, letting out a deep breath:

“And who are you? What are you doing in Merlin’s body?”

Not!Merlin frowns slightly, as if confused, the first actual expression he’s pulled this whole time. It takes him a few moments to respond, and Lancelot is getting desperate; he can feel the knights behind him getting more and more jumpy, especially Arthur:

“I am... I... I have always been here... I am... I am... I am me. I am Merlin’s... and he is... mine... I want him... back. He is... mine.”

Lancelot tenses slightly. He has a feeling he knows what’s going on. Merlin talks about his magic sometimes, talks about it as if it’s... sentient. Described the way it’s always desperate to reach out to Arthur and the Knights and Gaius and Gwen, how it sometimes does things without his permission.

Lancelot gulps. This is bad. Merlin’s magic is walking around in his body without him there to control it. They were going to struggle to explain this away, as much as Merlin claimed Arthur was an idiot, it wasn’t completely true. Lancelot bit his lip, glancing back at the others as he re-sheaths his sword.

He knows there’s no way to get them to relax... unless... this might backfire terribly, but it also might be the only way to get them to calm down a little.

Lancelot frowns thoughtfully, and just before Arthur works up the nerve to say something else, he turns back to Not!Merlin:

“Do you mean us any harm?”

Not!Merlin once again tilts his head and frowns as if in confusion:

“No... Merlin is... Merlin is fond of... you. I.. I was made for... for The Once and Future King. I am... unable to hurt him.”

Lancelot nods, before saying slowly:

“Do you have any reason to lie to us?

The golden-eyed man shakes his head slowly, the glow seeming brighter as he replies:

“Why would I... I... lie? I could kill... you without a... second... second thought. I want Merlin... back.”

The knight nods one final time, looking back to the others to gauge their reactions. Their swords are still unsheathed, but lowered, their faces tense and concerned, but not angry. Lancelot supposes that’s the best he’s going to get at this point.

He lets out a rough sigh, running a hand through his hair as he looks back at the Warlock:

“You’re not Merlin. What do we call you, until we can get him back?”

Not!Merlin lets his gaze wonder to the knights, before finally landing on Arthur. His speech had been getting better with use, but he speaks slowly and keeps his stare on The King, as if curious to his reaction:

“I am... I am... I am part of him. I don’t... have a name. Call me... me... Emrys.”

Lancelot grits his teeth, and his eyes whip to Arthur, to see if he recognises the name.

With The King’s gasp, and widening eyes, Lancelot knows that he does recognise the name.

“You... you’re Emrys?? I thought Emrys was some all-powerful sorcerer, what are you doing in Merlin?”

Arthur is too distracted to notice Lancelot’s panic, but Leon, ever the observant one, is not, and frowns at the sudden fear on his fellow knight’s face.

Mer-... Emrys had already admitted that he wouldn’t lie, if Arthur keeps asking questions, he’ll figure it out. But before Lancelot can think of a solution, Emrys replies:

“Emrys is... is... our other... name. But I am not... Merlin. Not on my own. I want... want him back.”

Arthur looks taken aback, but before he can ask another question, Gwaine steps forward, giving Lancelot an unreadable look before:

“Right, well that’s all fine and dandy, but we need to set camp up and figure out what we’re going to do about... this.”

He gestures vaguely to Merlin’s body after sheathing his sword.

Arthur looks about ready to argue, but with another pointed look from Gwaine, Lancelot jumps into action:

“Gwaine’s right, we need to gather the horses and set up for the night. Here is probably alright, then we can come up with a plan to get Merlin back, and presumably, all of those other people.-”

He turns to Arthur, a sufficiently subservient expression on his face:

“-If you think that’s best, Sire?”

Gwaine rolls his eyes and scoffs at that, heading back to gather the horses from where they’d been left without further prompting. Arthur’s argumentative expression drops after a moment, and with one more mistrustful glance to Emrys, he nods, instructing the others to gather wood and get started on dinner.

Lancelot lets out a breath, but flushes slightly and tenses his jaw when he sees Leon giving him an inscrutable look. He turns away after a moment, under the pretence of helping Gwaine.

The moment Lancelot reaches Gwaine, a few metres into the treeline, the other knight quickly turns around and grabs his shoulders. He glances desperately back towards the clearing, and when he establishes that they’re the only two within earshot, roughly whispers:

“Please tell me you figured it out?? Because I’m not sure how the hell I’m going to keep Arthur from finding out on my own.”

Lancelot’s eyes widen, but his shock keeps him silent for only a few moments before Gwaine shakes his shoulders. He blinks away his surprise, whispering his response:

“You know?? Does Merlin know that you know?”

Gwaine shakes his head, finally letting go of Lance’s shoulders:

“No. I worked it out like twenty seconds ago, I’m sort of hoping that Arthur isn’t as quick as me. How long have you known?”

The other knight nods his head understandingly:

“About as long as I’ve known him, but I’ll explain later. This whole thing is... terrible. I don’t think our odds are good. Mer- Emrys won’t lie, and we won’t be able to stop Arthur from asking questions. He’s probably asking them now. We need to get the horses and get back.”

Gwaine nods roughly, and without another word, the two of them gather the reins of their six horses, and quickly make their way back to the clearing.

They had only been gone a few minutes, and in that time, firewood had been gathered and arranged. Elyan pulls a flint out of his pocket, and Lancelot widens his eyes as he sees Emrys tilt his head (still stood in the same place), moments before waving his hand casually.

The wood bursts into a roaring flame, and Emrys suddenly has four swords on him. Lancelot and Gwaine rush forward, standing in between Emrys and the other knights, holding their hands out as if in surrender. Gwaine speaks first:

“Hey! You might be freaked out by all of this, but that’s still Merlin’s body, and he needs it, so lets not poke holes in him, alright??”

Everyone bar Arthur lowers their swords, but before Gwaine can growl something out, Lancelot turns back to Emrys:

“Look, they’re all a little... unnerved, by magic, so maybe stop using it for now, yeah?”

Emrys tilts his head and furrows his brows again, and everyone stares at him in shock as he replies, not quite knowing what to make of his response:

“But I am magic. I am magic... incarnate. If I stop... I... I cease to exist. And Merlin... Merlin needs me. He needs me like... like... like humans need to breath. I can not just... stop. He would... would... we would die.”

Lancelot tightly shuts his eyes. There is officially NO way to explain this one away. Gods, Merlin is going to be so scared when he finds out.

After a few moments of shocked silence, Arthur finally squeaks out a:

“What??”

Gwaine quickly responds, before Emrys can reveal anymore:

“No. It's cruel to take Merlin’s secrets from him when he isn’t even here. We find Merlin, then you can ask your questions.-”

Arthur looks angry, like he wants to argue, but Gwaine takes a threatening step towards him, resting his hand on his sword at his hip as Lancelot and the other knights look on the scene with panic in their eyes. Gwaine growls out:

“-I said no, Princess. Everyone here knows I’m more loyal to Merlin than you, and that doesn’t stop just because he’s not here and you’re about to throw a temper tantrum.”

Arthur huffs, but lowers his sword as Gwaine glares at him, and Lancelot lets out a breath. The other knights follows The King’s lead, sheathing their swords and settling tensely around the fire.

Lancelot goes back to the horses, tying them down and removing saddlebags, with Leon’s help (and constant stare, which was an odd mix of concern and suspicion).

Gwaine points Emrys to a spot on the floor, and tells him to sit. The knight settles next to him protectively, his sword across his lap as he glares at Arthur on the other side of the fire.

The evening passes awkwardly, food being cooked and eaten in silence, no one quite sure what to say.

Arthur spends the whole time with a pinched look of frustration on his face, but the knights look to him as he takes a deep breath, his expression morphing into an odd mix of concern and accusation in the blink of an eye:

“How do we even know that the... Merlin, part of... part of you is alive? What happened to hi- to you? How do we get him back?”

Lancelot wants to be annoyed at his tone, but he poses valid questions. They still had no idea what actually happened or why or how they fixed it.

Emrys tilts his head, aiming his golden stare at Arthur:

“It is one of... of the Manducan, or The Eating Ones. They... are very rare, they steal... steal souls. Bodies can survive a short while.... a short while without them. Hence your... comatose patients. I am... we are, a little more... fragmented... than most. I contain too... too much power, so The Manducan took... only the human... human part.”

Everyone looks extremely worried at that, but Arthur’s face turns desperate as he rushes out:

“What do you mean, human?? What are you??”

They all stare at the raven-haired man as he speaks, his eyes focused on the King:

“We do not... know. Some call us a Lord, or a King. Others call us... call us... a God. In moments... of power, we... we hear prayers. It can be... disconcerting.”

The camp is silent for a while after that, everyone processing what had been said. Merlin heard people praying to him... not even Lancelot knew that, Merlin had never told him.

After around half a candle-mark, Leon breaks the silence to ask the questions that had been pushed to that back of their minds:

“How do we kill this creature, and what happens if we do? Can we get the souls back, undamaged?”

Emrys turns his golden gaze to the curly-haired knight as he replies:

“It is already... weakened. The Forever King needs to... strike... strike it with Excalibur. They hibernate for.... for centuries... and only return to this plane of existence to... collect food. If you... if you... if you kill it before it leaves, the souls will... will return...naturally.”

The knights all let out breaths of relief, but Arthur looks at his sword oddly, before muttering:

“What’s so special about my sword? And why do you keep calling me strange titles?”

Lancelot gulps, and Emrys tilts his head:

“You know of Emrys, but not of the... the prophecies?”

Arthur nods his head slowly, but Lancelot interrupts before Emrys can start the complicated process of explaining his and Arthur’s destinies:

“Perhaps that’s a... story, for when we have Merlin back in one piece. How do we track the creature?”

Arthur gives him a glare, before lowly saying:

“Do not think I do not notice you avoiding the subject, Sir Lancelot. You know of these prophecies?”

Lancelot grits his teeth, but gives a slow nod:

“Bits and pieces. Merlin isn’t fond of talking about it.-”

He raises a challenging eyebrow, still staring Arthur in the face, and everyone is take aback. Lancelot was never anything but respectful and polite to his King; this defiant look shocked them all:

“-You see, he’s spent his entire life in Camelot absolutely terrified that someone will overhear him, and have him burnt.”

Arthur took in a deep breath, hiding his guilt behind a blank façade, but before anyone can say anything, their gazes are drawn back to Emrys, who looks almost... mournful?

He nods his head slightly, and the sad look on his... on Merlin’s face, looks so out of place for someone so normally upbeat:

“He is... we, are constantly frightened. It is exhausting. I try to... to reassure us but... Merlin is... is... is always so scared, despite our power. We used to... to love flames, fire. Now it is... terrifying to us.”

Lancelot had kept his gaze on Arthur, and when The King looks back at him, his despair badly hidden, the knight simply shrugs one shoulder and nods slightly.

Arthur lets out a breath, and looks to his lap, whispering so quietly that the group barely hears him:

“He’s scared of... of me.”

Gwaine growls out an “Of course he is, you’re a Pen-.”, but he’s interrupted by Emrys:

“No. He would allow you to... to kill us. But we couldn’t bear to... to lose you.-”

He finishes his statement quietly, and Arthur looks up at him, tears in his eyes:

“-We don’t want to be sent away. Camelot is... is... is frightening. But it is also our... home.”

“I would never send you away. When we get Merlin back, you... you tell him that. Tell him he’s safe with me, with us, and always will be.”

Emrys tilts his head yet again:

“And my people? Will we be an... exception? Will you make us watch you... continue to persecute our people, whom we... we... we should be protecting? Merlin does... does not want to make a... hypocrite out of you.”

The knights look at him expectantly, and he blanches slightly as he looks away. The King gulps, before taking a deep breath and looking back, straightening his spine and looking confident:

“The laws will change. Crimes committed with magic will be judged the same as crimes committed without; it’s about time I faced the cruelties of my father.”

The corner of Emrys’ mouth tilts up briefly as he nods, but says nothing. Gwaine smirks, Leon and Lancelot give The King proud smiles, and Percival and Elyan look taken aback, before they relax into fond smiles of their own.

The evening had passed quickly, and with all of them exhausted, it’s decided that any further discussion on how to track this... Manducan, would happen in the morning.

All of the knights fall asleep quickly, finding the protective golden glow of Emrys’ unsleeping eyes both comforting and unsettling.

~

They all woke the next morning oddly refreshed, but the relaxed atmosphere didn’t last long when, one by one, the knights noticed Emrys sat unnervingly still, in the exact same spot as last night.

Only the occasional blink and shallow breathing proved that he was in fact alive, and not some sort of incredibly life-like statue.

Food was eaten, and camp broken quickly; the golden eyed not-quite-a-servant staying in his spot the whole time. 

Despite Emrys saying that the souls would be fine as long as they got there in time, they were still full of nervous energy, and wanted to get this over and done with as soon as possible. Not least of all because they had a lot, and I mean a LOT, of questions for Merlin... or... all of Merlin.

Emrys was pointed to Lancelot’s horse, and once he mounted in front of the knight, everyone looked at him expectantly. He simply tilted his head, and Arthur huffed:

“Well? How do we find this... creature? Can’t you-”

He waves his hand vaguely, and Leon is the only knight able to hide his snort at The King’s impression of magic.

Emrys nods in understanding, and extends his hand in front of him. A thin stream of light, like a glowing string floating in the air, extends from his palm, snaking through the trees.

He nods, this time in the direction of the light, and the knights urge their horses to begin a quick paced journey.

Conversation is sparse, but eventually the question on all of their minds is asked by Percival:

“If you could do that the whole time, track the Manducan I mean, why didn’t you?”

Emrys doesn’t look towards him, but the horses noticeably slow as everyone bunches together, curious about his answer:

“They are of a different... different plane. Magic can harm them but... but... but not kill. I was waiting for The Once and Future King to bring... bring Excalibur.”

Percival nods in understanding, but Leon frowns:

“Well... what about us? Will we not be able to harm it with our swords?”

Everyone copies his frown at that. They’re valid questions, and Arthur is silently grateful that Leon had the tactical mind to think of them:

“No. It will be safer for... for... for you to... wait. I can distract and injure it further until... The Once and Future King can... kill it.”

The knights looks worried at that, but Elyan is the first one to pipe up:

“We’re meant to just stand back and watch? Can’t we set a trap, or help distract it?”

Emrys shakes his head:

“It can not be trapped. Being too close would... would have adverse effects on... on... on your souls.”

Arthur looks back from his position at the head of the group with a frown on his face:

“Well what about my soul? I’m presumably going to have to get close to it in order to stab it?”

Emrys fixes his golden stare on The King, and tilts his head slightly in confusion:

“Your soul was forged through magic, it is marginally... immune. It will take a little... longer for... for... for your soul to react badly.”

Arthur nods, looking back to the front, muttering something about “having a time limit before my soul implodes or whatever. Great.”

Once the knights finish snickering at Arthur, Gwaine asks:

“Wait wait, if Excalibur is the only thing able to kill it, what are you doing out here?”

Emrys tilts his head, looking back to the knights:

“We were... unaware of that at the... the time. We only figured out what... it was, when we fought it.”

Everyone nods, all of them wondering just how many times Merlin had snuck out to take care of something, with none of them knowing about it. The list of questions they had for when Merlin was back in one piece was getting longer and longer, and no part of this conversation was helping the anxiety swirling in Lancelot’s stomach.

After another hour or so of silence, Elyan pipes up:

“I’m surprised no one has asked yet but... what does this thing look like? I know we’re following a trail or whatever, but what are we actually going to find at the end of it?”

“They shift sizes, though they always take... the form of a thick-”

Emrys is interrupted by Arthur pulling his horse to a sudden stop, and pointing through the trees ahead of his, harshly whispering:

“Black shadow??”

Everyone stops behind him and their gazes dart quickly to where Arthur gestures. Through the trees they see a large mass of deep black smoke.

The black tendrils seem to writhe in the air, and the knights can see vague impressions of limbs tipped with impossibly sharp claws darting out occasionally before retreating back into the fog.

The creature looks like evil in semi-corporeal form, and the usually strong-willed warriors take in stuttering breaths at the overwhelming instincts of “Unnatural, run run RUN!” screaming at them with every passing second.

The shadow doesn’t seem to have any front or back; being in a constantly shifting state, sometimes seeming to freeze, sometimes darting through the trees in a blur.

The knights have lost all colour in their faces, and their breath comes shallowly and quickly. Arthur gulps, tightening his grip on his sword as he whispers:

“Horse, or on foot?”

The sound of Emrys’ feet softly thudding on the undergrowth gives The King his answer, and he dismounts his horse slowly, trying to stop the shaking in his hands and legs.

He takes a deep breath as Emrys moves to stand behind him. His voice is shaking and desperate, as if he were a child reaching for help after a nightmare:

“How do I... what do I do, Merlin?”

Emrys tilts his head, but doesn’t say anything of the The King’s mistake:

“You need only get close enough to... deeply slice it. It is fragile in this... this realm. Cover your eyes when you... you do so, the light will be blinding. Do not let it... touch you. I am reluctant to admit that, after what it did to... to... to our soul, I do not know what it will... do to yours.”

Arthur takes another deep breath, and clears his throat slightly as he gives a firm nod. Time to be brave now, for his people, for Merlin.

The King can hear his knights dismount behind him and tie up the horses, ready to jump in and help at a moment’s notice, in spite of... whatever will happen to their souls. None of them are really sure they want to know, so none of them ask for details, and Arthur is unendingly grateful for their silent loyalty and bravery.

Emrys walks forward, past Arthur, and towards the creature. The King gulps before silently slipping off to the side; he doesn’t know how the creature sees (not having a head, or even eyes, as far as he can tell), but Emrys said he would distract it so... splitting up makes the most sense? 

The knights can tell the exact moment the creature notices Emrys walking towards it.

The tendrils of shadow seem to writhe even more frantically, and the fog bulges and retreats again, somehow giving the impression of anger, fear.

Emrys plants his feet strongly and raises a hand, summoning vines and roots from the ground with nought but a gesture; Arthur only gives himself a second to be distracted by the sight of Merlin so effortlessly doing magic before focussing back on the creature.

Everyone bar Emrys winces, and covers their ears as the beast lets out an ear piercing screech, moving judderingly towards the Warlock. The trees shake with the noise, and a few of Emrys’ magical attacks disintegrate into the air. He summons more, and snarls in concentration as the beast whips towards him.

Emrys rushes forward to meet the beast, and they clash in a burst of golden light and black shadow, each trying to take over the other. The shadows try to sneak around the Warlock, reaching towards the knights behind him, but they’re quickly halted in their tracks as cracks open in the ground, swallowing the fog before it can do any damage.

The golden light emanating from Emrys pulses brightly, and the creature is pushed back, the edges of its smoke disintegrating slowly into the air. It lets out another high pitched screech, and Arthur takes that as his cue; rushing silently forward, on the opposite side of the creature to Emrys, and swiping down precisely with Excalibur.

The knights see his attack coming, and step even further back, heeding Emrys’ warning and covering their eyes, Arthur doing so with his free hand as he brings the sword down. 

Excalibur cuts through the shadow with no resistance; the screech getting impossibly louder as the blade leaves a blindingly golden trail in it’s wake.

Emrys simply stands back to watch, but the pitch of the beast’s screech forces the knights to the floor, eyes tightly shut, and hands clamped over their ears.

Suddenly, the noise stops, and the shadows of the creature seem to disintegrate into nothing as the golden light of the wound takes over. The light recedes in on itself, before exploding outwards and fragmenting into pieces. The bulk of the fragments fly in the direction of Camelot, golden blurs through the trees, but one, the smallest and dullest (due to being only part of a soul, they assume) flies with speed straight towards Emrys.

The knights and their King finally look up, feeling oddly exhausted, to see Emrys take a staggered step back and grimace in pain as the light forces it’s way down his throat.

He falls to the floor, and the knights rush towards him as his muscles spasm and he begins to scream. His eyes are shut tightly and Lancelot quickly lunges forward to grab his wrists as his hands go to yank at his hair.

Everyone gathers around him, Lancelot yelling for them to hold him so he doesn’t hurt himself. They can only hope that Merlin is an exception, and this isn’t happening to the other victims back in Camelot. Lancelot keeps a hold of his wrists, and Arthur discards Excalibur in favour of holding down Merlin’s shoulders, whilst Elyan, Leon, and Gwaine hold down his hips and legs, and Percival wordlessly stands guard.

Merlin’s screaming dies down, and he stops thrashing so much (but stays tense), but the knights don’t let go just yet. He opens his bleary eyes, and whispers, so faintly they barely hear it:

“... Lance?”

The knight lets go of Merlin’s now limp wrists gently, and strokes a hand through the man’s raven hair:

“Yeah, I’m here Merlin. All back in once piece?

Merlin closes his eyes again, and goes fully slack as the others let go of him fully, nodding slowly as he gulps before groaning:

“Yeah, that fucking... hurt.”

Lancelot huffs out a gentle laugh, but before he can reply, Merlin gasps and quickly sits up. When his wide, panicked eyes land on the rest of the knights huddled around him, his breath deepens and he scrambles back frantically, only to run into Arthur, who grabs his shoulders.

Merlin whips his head around and rips himself from The King’s grip, stumbling to his feet and rushing back, away from the knights and into a tree.

His ears are deaf to everyone’s gentle reassurances that he was safe, and his eyes are blind to the hands held up in soft surrender. He sinks to the floor as his breathing gets even more frenzied and tears gather in his eyes, but before he can process that he was safe, the mix of memories triggers a blinding pain behind his eyes.

He gives a pained yelp and shuts his eyes tightly, bringing his hands to grip the sides of his head as he curls up on the floor. Merlin begins to groan again, and Lancelot desperately gestures for everyone to stay back as he kneels by Merlin’s side, pulling his hands away from his head again:

“You’re safe Merlin, no one’s going to hurt you, do you remember? We said that to the bit of you that was left.-”

Merlin doesn’t seem to hear him, but squeezes Lancelot’s hands painfully tight as he continues to groan, arching his spine:

“-Ok, ok, what’s wrong Merlin? Your head? We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong. Is it your... your soul?”

Merlin shakes his head slightly, groaning dying down, but still struggling to draw breath, still gripping Lance’s hands:

“Your magic?”

Another shake of the head has Lancelot beginning to panic a little; none of them have dealt with anything like this before, and he doesn’t know what’s wrong with his friend. He continues to try and comfort Merlin as he struggles to think of what else it could be, when Merlin begins forcing himself to take deep breaths, and stuttering out:

“Mem... memories.”

Lancelot takes a fortifying breath, and the others crowd a little closer, panicking for their friend:

“Memories? Ok, which ones? Memories from the bit of you that was wandering around, or memories from the bit of you that was in the creature?”

Thankfully, Merlin’s pain seems to be dying down slightly. His breath comes easier, but his eyes stay tightly shut and his muscles still spasm periodically as he grinds out:

“Both. Two sets of memories from... from the same time. Hurts. My. Brain.”

Lancelot huffs out another gentle laugh, rubbing his thumbs softly over the back of Merlin’s hands, and the others relax at the sight of Merlin’s pain lessening. Gwaine kneels down next to Lancelot, and quietly announces himself before beginning to run a gentle hand through Merlin’s hair.

This goes on for a few more minutes; the servant’s pain dwindling and his breathing evening out as his mind sorts the two sets of clashing memories and stitches the two pieces of his soul back together, Lancelot and Gwaine not stopping their soft ministrations for even a moment.

He finally relaxes fully, opening his eyes but not moving from his position on the floor as he gazes tiredly up at Arthur’s worried face, over Lancelot’s shoulder. His words comes out timidly, and Arthur has to stop himself flinching at the hint of fear in his voice:

“Did you mean it? Am I... safe?”

Arthur forces a soft smile on his face, hiding his worry, and gives Merlin a firm nod:

“I promise Merlin, you’re safe. None of us will hurt you.-”

Merlin smiles back at him, before nodding, and closing his eyes, drained from the ordeals of the last few days:

“-though you need to make sure your head is on straight at your earliest convenience, I’ll need your help to write that repeal.”

Arthur says it with a weak, teary grin, and Merlin chuckles slightly, nodding softly once more before drifting into a deep sleep, exhausted.

Lancelot mutters that he’s asleep, and the smile drops from Arthur’s face, his brow furrowing in worry as he crouches between his two knights, putting a hand to Merlin’s forehead:

“Will he be alright?”

Lancelot shrugs, biting his lip, and sporting a similar expression to The King as he replies:

“I’ve no clue. His soul was split in two, his magic was pushed to the limit in that fight, and his body didn’t rest at all or eat much for at least a day; he’s probably just exhausted, but we should get him back to Gaius.”

Elyan, Leon, and Percival move back to gather the horses without prompting, and within minutes the gang is racing back towards the city, Merlin’s unconscious form being held protectively in front of Arthur (his excuse being that Lancelot’s horse had already held the extra weight for half a day, and he’s The King, so he can do what he wants).

~

Thankfully, the creature had been between their camp and the city, so it only takes them around a day to get back. They took few breaks, and ate whilst they rode to save time. Despite not waking up the entire journey, Merlin’s breathing stayed alright, and he occasionally mumbled nonsense to himself, so the knights weren’t panicking too much.

They didn’t stop when night fell, and so finally pulled into the castle courtyard at around midnight. A guard was immediately sent to wake Gaius, and Percival wordlessly took Merlin from Arthur’s horse, only after The King had given him a short nod of approvable.

They got to the Physician’s chambers to see Gaius wide awake and bustling around the room, clearing a cot and gathering various potions and ingredients.

Percival gently set the manservant on the cot, and Gaius firmly demands that they all leave the room to give him space to work, choosing to ignore the fact that he had told them that Merlin was in the city, and that they definitely shouldn’t have come back with his exhausted, unconscious body.

Arthur notes that Gaius doesn’t react at all when Lancelot stays behind, but has to temper his frustration (and jealousy) when the Physician shoots the knight a concerned look when Arthur himself also refuses to leave.

Lancelot sighs, but gives Gaius a reassuring smile:

“It’s fine, Gaius, they all know about Merlin’s magic, he’s safe. We said we’d explain when we got Merlin back in one piece.”

Gaius sends The King a curious look, hiding his concern well before he seems to catch up on what Lancelot said:

“Back in one piece?”

Arthur moves closer as Lancelot nods and begins to speak, content to let the knight explain as long as he got to stand near Merlin:

“He said it was Manducan?-”

Gaius widens his eyes in surprise, but nods, continuing to mix together various herbs as he listens:

“-Apparently, Merlin’s power was too much for it to handle, so it took the non-magical part of his soul. We found Merlin’s body being controlled by his magic. It was... odd. He was still Merlin, you could hear it in the way he spoke, or the words he chose, but it wasn’t... all of him. Just the magic part. He wouldn’t lie to us, and was desperate to get the “Merlin” part of his soul back. Unless we spoke to him he just... sat there, blankly.”

Gaius hums thoughtfully, and he and Lancelot politely pretend not to notice Arthur reaching out to gently grab Merlin’s hand.

Finally, the physician finishes mixing his potion, and gently pours it into Merlin’s mouth, holding his nose shut and massaging his throat so it goes down properly. He sits back on his chair, glancing at Arthur quickly, before looking back to Lancelot:

“The other victims began to wake just under a day ago, so I’m assuming that the creature was... dealt with?-”

At Lancelot’s nod, he continues:

“-Did Merlin wake at all when his soul came together?”

Lancelot nods again, speaking quietly, feeling oddly like he doesn’t want to disturb Arthur softly rubbing his thumb over Merlin’s hand:

“Hmm. Briefly. He screamed for a while, whilst his soul... I don’t know, stitched itself back together? Then he panicked, because he knew his magic had been outed, then he was in pain again. He said having two sets of memories from the same time hurt. Then he was just exhausted, he passed out a few moments after the pain stopped.”

Gaius nods, and Arthur finally looks up, knowing that the explanation was over, and a conversation was about to happen. The Physician speaks:

“Humans are not made for that, it would have been painful for his mind to try to comprehend and organise two separate sets of simultaneous memories.”

Arthur speaks, his voice quiet, but obviously worried:

“Will he be alright? How long until he wakes?”

Gaius looks to him once more, giving The King an assessing gaze. When he spies no anger or deception in Arthur’s face, he relaxes his shoulders slightly, and sighs:

“He will be alright, he just needs rest. Both his body and his soul have been through a great deal, it will take a few days to a week for him to fully recover physically, though I can’t speak for his mental state.”

Arthur looks panicked, and Lancelot worries his lip between his teeth as Arthur asks:

“His mental state??”

Gaius finds himself sighing yet again as he asks:

“How lucid was he, between the bouts of pain?”

Lancelot rushes to answer:

“Very. He understood what I was saying, I think, he asked a question and understood our answer. He just seemed tired.”

Gaius gives the two men an exhausted smile, before softly saying:

“Then I imagine he will be fine. Go and get some rest, I will send for you if anything changes, though it’s unlikely that he’ll wake up at any point in the next two days or so.”

Lancelot nods, and moves towards the door, but Arthur stays put. Gaius raises an eyebrow, but moves forward and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder:

“He will be fine, Sire. And... everything he has done, every lie he has told, has been to keep you safe. He couldn’t bare to lose you.”

Arthur nods absentmindedly, before looking up to the Physician, and whispering:

“I couldn’t bare to lose him either. You... you promise he’ll be alright?”

Gaius nods and smiles, noting with relief the tearful desperation on The King’s face:

“I promise.”

Lancelot smiles fondly from his place stood at the door, but wipes it from his face as Arthur turns towards him. The two men leave out of the room, Gaius’ assessing eyes following them all the way.

The door shuts behind them softly, and Gaius lets out a breath he hadn’t even realised he had been holding, before running a hand gently through Merlin’s hair, and moving to settle in his own cot.

Of all the ways Arthur could find out about Merlin’s magic, out of Merlin’s control, Gaius never saw this coming, and though the pain Merlin felt was regretful, The Physician is grateful, that it went so well.

~

End of Part 1!!

Part two is already almost finished. It’s much shorter than this, and will be out at some point in the next few days!! Sorry this took so long lads, I’ve been really busy atm.

EDIT: I’ve actually just finished writing part 2!! It’s queued to be published at 12:30PM GMT tomorrow (09/05/21)

EDIT 2.0: PART 2 IS UP!!

Also I couldn’t find any mythical creatures that fit what I wanted, so I straight up just made one up ✌️

Head over to This List to let me know what you want me to work on next! :)

[visd3stele]

Remus image - angst & fluff

*mostly angst with a tinsy bit of fluff

*forced marriage trope

summary: you're a Slytherin pure blood dating Remus Lupin, but your family has other plans

TW: none

A/N: any thoughts and opinions are welcomed. I'd love your reviews. Requests are open, too, if any of you are interested in that

masterlist

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

You're staring at the high ceiling, wide awake and way past the middle of the night. In your hands, an envelope is twitching with every move of your fingers, twisting its corners anxiously. You received it at dinner that night, the letter from your family. And wisely waited until the privacy of your room to open it. Around you, pure bloods Slytherins were sound asleep. You made sure not to let any emotion show, on your face or voice. Something everyone in between the walls of the Slytherin residence could most likely do.

You read it once. Then again and again until each word, each letter carved its mark in your brain. Carefully, you folded it back, wrapping it in the thick layer of the envelope. Despite having stopped reading it, the news your family dropped on you kept on repeat in your mind. Over and over and over. Marriage. They found you a perfect, pure blood spouse to marry. No matter that you were still in school. And only sixteen. And already having a boyfriend.

But of course, that last part might be exactly why your blood supremacist family decided to take your love life in their hands at last. For you were dating Remus Lupin, head boy of Griffindor. Involuntarily your lips moved upward at the mere thought of him. The way his soft brown hair feels under your palms when he lays his head in your lap in the afternoon – that is when you convince him to take a break from learning for a change. Your smiled deepened. The way his scarred hands stroke your face right before he leans in to kiss you. You blushed in the dark. The way his eyes sparkle after one of the Marauders notorious pranks. The way he rolls his eyes and leave a snarky comments to any Slytherin who mock your relationship and how it only masks his own fears and self doubts.

Now you were crying. You'll have to break up with him. You'll have to break up with him without bringing the marriage up. You didn't want him to think back on what could have been years after. It's better if he thinks there is no chance anymore to be with you. And you had to do it quick. News spread in the pure blood community and risking lying about your parents intention only to fool yourself a bit longer with stolen happy times was as self destructive as it can get at this point.

You slipped your body on one side. And tossed. The envelope fell off your bed. You didn't bother to pick it up. But someone did. You felt it rather than hear it, someone picking it up and placing it on your nightstand.

" 'Morning," that sweet voice you loved so much whispered. And you snapped your head towards it in shock. Only to find a very uncomfortable Remus Lupin, switching from leg to leg, smiling awkwardly at you.

"It's five in the morning." He stated before you could find your words through the foggy veil of your thoughts. "And the sunrise is about to start..." Remus went on, looking anywhere but at you.

More tears sting your eyes, threatening to slide down your cheeks and getting completely out of your control. Here he was, your perfect boyfriend, sneaking in your bedroom to take you to see the sunrise. For you, this boy defined romance and no amount of scars, secret disappearances on the full moon and mysteries surrounding it could change that. You were more than willing to give him time, let him open up to you when he feels like it. After all, he has great friends to share secrets with and you wouldn't get in between them.

Biting your lips, you closed the distance and hugged him tight. After less than a second of hesitation, Remus put his hands around you as well. You needed it, the proximity, the safety, the warmth and love. When you were sure your voice won't break, you breathed a question to him. "And how are you planning to sneak me out?"

Remus saw right through your attempt. He pulled back a little, enough to brush his fingers over your swollen face. "Have you been crying?" Worry clouded those beautiful brown eyes. You shook your head, snatching yourself from him and desperately wiping your tears. You should do it now. Tell him it's over. Spare him – and yourself – for the pain and torture of stretching it longer. It was time to face it: your relationship was doomed from the start.

But you couldn't. Not yet. Just a little more time, you bargained with yourself. Just that sunrise together. One last date. You promised to no one. So you made yourself swallow and said instead "My family," dismissing any further remarks.

Remus pulled you back into his lean body, long arms the only thing holding you together. He needed no other explanation. Thanks to that friend of his, Sirius, Remus knew exactly what those two words meant coming from a pure blood kid. He pressed a kiss on top of your head, caressing your back in soothing large circles. Voice dipped with concern, he asked "Do you want to talk about it or do you want me to distract you?"

"What about taking me to see that sunrise you mentioned and we'll figure it out from there?"

He nodded, led you to the now slightly opened window and motioned for his broom flying within reach.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

The sun beamed from between rare clouds, spread amongst a royal blue sky. Orange light crowned the ascending golden disc, fading into a soft purple and light pink at its edges. The curtain of morning mist broke the rays in matt bliss, wrapping around your entangled figures.

A wet coldness flew on with the tentative mist, but Remus planned everything ahead, it seemed. He had a wool blanket at ready, different bits and pieces of clothing, threads and patches sewed together.

"Don't tell me you picked up knotting, Moony." You didn't know when it happened, but you had taken on calling him by the silly nickname his friends did.

"No. My mother made it, actually." The scar on his lip pulled up as he patted the spot next to him. He had laid a blanket on the freshly cut grass near the Black Lake and held his mother's gift in a silent invitation.

You snuggled in, circling his waist with your arms and nuzzled your nose in the crook of his neck. "Y/n!" he exclaimed, a shiver running through him at the contact with your cold skin. You sent him a grin that had nothing to do with apologies and you both snickered before turning awe filled eyes to the sunrise.

Remus let his own head lean down on your own, brown hair slightly brushing your forehead. His hand found its way to yours and as your fingers laced together he rubbed his thumb on top of your palm.

Content silence settled in. Only birds dared sing a sharp note once in a while. Your boyfriend knew how to choose a date spot, you were more than happy to give him that. The marvelous sight the sky presented doubled in the lake's still waters. Calmness washed over you. Here and now, with Remus' hand in yours, your head resting on his shoulder, everything pieced into place.

You turned your face, meeting the warn off material of his shirt and placed a kiss there. Lifting your lips upward, you kissed his exposed neck as well. Then his cheek, lingering close to his lips before stopping to murmur "I love you, Remus Lupin! So, so much."

He met your lips with his own and you were thankful he said nothing about the pang in your voice. "And I you, my darling." His glittering eyes, filled with adoration and care, were too much for your heart to bear. It was all you could do to close your eyelids tight and press into his side even more.

"Is something wrong, y/n?" Remus asked, shifting his arm to welcome your new position.

"No. Nothing. Just overwhelmed by everything I feel for you." And in a way, it was true. Not the whole truth, but as you couldn't give him that...

An unsure smiled played on your lips. He brought your face to his again, laying a kiss on your nose. You scrunch it up and made a face at him. He tried to bit back his laugh, but failed as a bundle of it escaped in a soft breath, tingling your flushed cheeks.

Remus kissed you again, this time on the bridge of your nose. Which earned him a giggle and a wide smile. Bringing your hands to his face, you cupped his cheeks and touched your noses together.

"We're missing the sunrise. And you put so much effort in this."

"Hmmm," he mused, leaning in your touch. "The sun does much of the work, to be fair." You burst in laughing at that, shaking your forehead against his.

You two traded more kisses – and then some more, bathed in the dawn light of a new day.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

"Where have you been?" You heard James Potter asked your boyfriend when you bumped in him and the rest of the Marauders in the hall.

Peter waved at you, while Sirius gave you a knowing smirk at which you rolled your eyes. Truth be told, their demand wasn't misplaced. You and Remus didn't show up at breakfast, and run late for the first class.

"Down at the lake, Prongs. I should know better than to ask for notes, right?"

"Not to worry, Moony, you didn't miss much."

You left Remus to his friends, brushing your lips to his as a form of good-bye. You headed to your room. Thoughts swirled in your mind, flying by so fast you barely registered them. You passed Narcissa and Lucius on your way. They have been married since year four, something you found very unsettling. At that time, you belittled Narcissa for not fighting off her families wishes, like her sister and cousin. But now, that you found yourself in her place? You started to understand. To understand that courage is not so easy to haul up from whatever pit it lays dormant in one's being.

So lost in thoughts, you haven't noticed the guy sitting on your bed until he spoke, voice laced with disgust. "You better kick that sorry excuse of a wizard away before we make our engagement public, honey."

You startled. "Who...?"

"Why, your new husband, of course."

"Future husband. And Remus is a fine wizard, greater than you could ever hope to be."

The stranger only rolled his eyes and huffed. "Whatever you say, honey. Just make him gone by noon. I have plans for us before the ceremony."

A ceremony that would take place in a few months, once summer blooms, you realized, dread chilling your blood in your veins. The tight line of your lips followed your betrothed until he left and swiped the door close.

Noon. Break up with Remus by noon. Make it look like it's over because there is no love anymore. Let him think you choose this smug, full of himself, brainless, boorish brute over him. It's the right course of action. So you told yourself. And so you did. Any hope for standing up against your family gone.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Wind howling outside, rain pouring, you thought the weather mocked you. It just happened to turn gloomy and morbid all of a sudden, when you were about to break the heart of the most precious boy in the whole school. And yours too in the progress.

"Remus, can we talk for a second?"

"Sure, what is it?" He turned his whole focus on you, dropping mid conversation with his mates about whatever prank they were up to next.

"Moony!" three offended sighs followed you as you dragged Remus to a more private spot. The way he no more than waved at his friends, giving all up for you, knowing you had a bad day, strung a painful chord in your soul. You did not deserve this boy. Maybe the wedding was a good thing after all.

"Hey, y/n, talk to me," Remus whispered when you came to a halt. His fingers searched for yours, trying to turn you around to face him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here for you. We'll fix it."

"No." You said, and cursed your weak voice. You still didn't face him. "No we won't fix this." You spoke again, this time with more surety, allowing a sharp edge to it.

Bless his too kind soul, he didn't balk away. Instead, he took one stop forward, resting his head on your spine and bringing his long arms around you. "Everything's gonna be fine, y/n. I promise."

It took a superhuman effort to break free of his embrace. And you finally swirled to meet his soft brown eyes. Tears rolled down, dripping from your chin, but you didn't let him comfort you. Shacking your head, you took another step back, building distance between you, as if the following words would hurt less that way.

"Everything's not gonna be fine, Remus. Not with us. Not anymore."

For a couple seconds, he stared at you, confusion painting his beautiful features. Then, realization sunk in. And in that moment, you were sure nothing could ever hurt you as badly as his pain struck expression. His parted lips, moving in vain to form words that doesn't exist. His frenzy eyes, looking all over yourself, searching for any sign of a cruel joke. For a trace that you weren't being serious. Eyes that begin to water when he found none.

But he refuse to let the tears flow. Remus led his stare to a dark, far away corner of the empty hall. Heat colored his face, a light shade of pink that not even the cool from the open window couldn't beat down. "So that's why you were distant this morning?" Your boyfriend asked, bitterly even as his voice was small, lost. "That's why you avoided me all day and didn't look me in the eye once, more than a passing moment?"

You knew better than answer. You had nothing to say anyway. "I'm sorry, Remus. I've been meaning to tell you earlier..."

A razor sharp laugh bit your words off. "But you took pity on the poor half-blood."

No, no it wasn't like that, you wanted to say. Those remained only thoughts as you wiped your face and crossed your arms to keep them from reaching out. Reaching out to him, reassure him, hug him. Whatever he believed, you'd roll with it. If he thought you an evil pure blood, then fine! You'll be that.

An image of your mother's face, lips curled in disgust at the last Quidditch match when Slytherin lost again in favor of Gryffindor, served as model for the expression you forced your own face into.

"I didn't want it to be like this. Goodbye, Remus Lupin."

You turned. And left. Just left. You kept your back straight as you walked away from the boy who tickled your heart. Who placed feather light kissed on your cheeks, and nose and forehead for days into your relationship, too shy to initiate something more without your worded agreement. The wizard who helped you with assignments, not thinking anything less of you when you weren't perfect. Who let you fall asleep in his lap at Hogwarts' few parties that you couldn't stand due to your family. This guy who gave you everything you were too afraid to dream of. And you just walked away, as if couldn't be bothered to care.

His fist thrumming once on the hallway's wall filled your ears, a sound forever carved in your brain. The thud that followed, of him sliding down on the floor you guessed, printed an image in your mind you'll pray to forget. Remus' silent sobs, though, almost made you turn around and run towards him.

You didn't so much as cast a glance back, knowing what you'll see and too much of a coward to bear it. His body shaking with crying, knees cradled to up to his chest where his chin digged in, covered by lean arms with palms crossed over his head.

His friends would find him. They'd help him. Remus will move over and forget you. Each sentence was another step. Each step, another crack in your heart. By the time you reached your room, collapsed in your bed and twisted in a similar position to your boyfriend's – ex boyfriend. It made you understand, showed you far too clearly why he'd sit like that. The pure devastation and despair, the attempt to contain a hollowness within, to replace a part where a whole, happy heart used to beat.

You broke Remus Lupin's heart. And yours was just as shattered. And there was no going back from it now.

PART 2

[viking-raider]

Southern Generation - Part V

Summary: The morning after Lily and Sy’s night in the barn, the magic doesn’t last as long as they both hope, but neither does the darkness that falls over the farm.

Pairing: Syverson/OFC

Word Count: 8,274

Warnings: M - Language, Violence, Attempted Kidnapping, Blood, Protective!Sy, Mentions and Light Smut, Fluff, Angst, Flu/Cold, Soft!Sy, Trypanophobia

Inspiration: I always wanted to write a Sy story.

Author’s Note: Thank you to @wondersofdreaming​ for all the love and support.

A harsh and wet sounding cough filled the bedroom, making Lily curl up on herself, shivering, and groaning as her body throbbed under the mound of blankets Sy had covered her up with, when her first round of coughs woke him, mid-morning.

“I'm here.” Sy called, coming into the room with a cup of steaming hot tea and a small saucer of dry toast for her. “Here.” He whispered, setting the cup and plate on the nightstand and fished Lily out of her blankets, then fluffed some pillows behind her back so she was comfortable, when she sat up.

“Thanks.” Lily replied, her voice weak and raspy.

“You're welcome.” He replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she nibbled on the toast. “Do you have any cold medicine?” He asked, going into the master bathroom, to open the medicine cabinet.

“I don't think so.” She answered, hoarsely.

Sy frowned into the open cabinet, drumming his fingers against the door and tapping his foot on the worn, black and white penny tile floor, trying to make a decision and calculation, before making up his mind and swung the cabinet door closed.

“All right, I'm gonna shoot over to store and pick up some cold medicine for you, maybe a bag of cough lozenges too. I know your throat must be killing you by how raspy your voice is.” He said, standing beside the bed and gently pressed his palm to her flushed and sweaty forehead. “Yeah.” He nodded, pressing his lips together.

“Do you need anything before I leave?” He asked, staring down at her, tenderly.

Shaking her head, Lily rubbed her goose-bumped and shivering arms. Frowning a bit more, Sy moved around to his side of the bed, nicking his hoodie off the back of a chair, and held it out to her with a gentle smile. Letting out a soft huff through her nose and smiling back, Lily took the black garment from him and slipped it on. Sy kissed the top of her head and went downstairs, grabbing his keys off the small table by the door in the entryway and left for the store, fifteen minutes away.

Lily nibbled on the last bland triangle of toast and was about to wash it down with the few remaining sips of her warm tea, when Aika started barking downstairs, making Lily sigh. It was a common occurrence, Aika loved lounging on the window seat in the living room and would go ballistic when she saw a squirrel, even more so, when the door was closed and she couldn't blow out of the screen door and chase after the poor, puff-tailed critter. She had told Sy, countless times, that he should just put a doggy door in either the front door or in both the front and the back doors for Aika, solving the issue of the German Shepherd barking and clawing at the door until it was opened for her.

But, even then, she would rush out onto the porch, scan for the squirrel, see it had disappeared and whine at her and Sy about it for the rest of the day, or until the next squirrel or chipmunk showed its plump face.

Throat far too sore and voice too weak, for Lily to yell out to Aika, she set her teacup aside and got out of bed, a strong shiver racing through her as her bare feet hit the cold floorboards. She had just made it out of her bedroom and into the hallway, when she heard distant whimper and Aika go eerily silent. Frowning, she slowly went down the stairs leading from the top floor into the kitchen, jumping in her skin and Sy's hoodie at a deafening slam that filled the otherwise quiet house.

The kitchen floor gently creaked under her feet as she slowly crossed it, to peek around the corner into the living room and entryway. Hugging herself against the wall, she didn't see anything. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but the feel in the air was anything, but ordinary. Aika was nowhere in sight, and Lily didn't hear a peep from her. She knew it wasn't Sy either. He couldn't be back from the store yet, even if he was, Sy was a mountain of a man, his footfalls were always heavy as he bumped around the house, and he would have called out to her, announcing he was back home.

None of that was happening in the dead silent house.

Her hands started to shake and she felt lightheaded, gripping the wall to keep herself steady, tears blurring her eyes, as nausea filled her stomach. She knew what this silence was, it was a silence she had feared for almost ten years, a fear she had been slowly learning to forget, but had started to build around her again.

Lily climbed the two flights of stairs up to her and Jak's second floor apartment, lugging her heavy shoulder bag with her. She was returning from an early afternoon class, already tired and wishing she didn't have one more class later that afternoon as she slipped her key into the deadbolt and opened the door. She froze in the open door, taking a moment to figure out what was wrong. When she realized that the tv she had left on when she left that morning for her first class was off.

A cold shiver raced down her back with a shuddered breath as the apartment door slowly closed behind her. The apartment was silent without the tv going in the living room, which was never a good sign. Usually, when Lily returned from her early afternoon classes, the tv was still on the news or whatever channel she had left it on when she left that morning.

On the days the tv was off, when she got home?

“Where've you been, Bunny?” Jak's voice asked as he entered the living room, arms crossed over his chest and looking cross.

“Hey there, Bunny.” A familiar voice chuckled behind her.

Lily yelped and spun around, pressing her back against the wall. “Jak.” She whimpered, looking up at him.

Jak was different from the last time she had seen him in Richmond, four years prior. He was still tall and lean, eight-ish centimeters shorter and nearly twenty kg lighter than Sy was. His ash blonde hair was pulled up into a bun and the sides of his head were shaved, his cheeks stubbly and his bottle-green eyes boring into her, like a power drill. The last time Lily had seen him, he had the traditional boy cut and his face was smooth, the camouflage of a good, church going boy.

But, there wasn't a trace of that boy now, that façade had broken away to the true monster residing inside the man, Jakson Abernathy, had turned into.

“I've missed you so much, Bunny.” He said soft, reaching out and gently brushed the knuckle of his forefinger against her flushed and feverish cheek, then brought it to his lips, licking off the tear he had collected.

Lily gulped, the agony of her sore throat forgotten in her panicked fright, facing him. “Please, Jak.” She pleaded with him, her voice a soft and raspy whine. “Just go. We don't have to do this. You don't have to do this.” She told him, hands twisting up in the pouch of Sy's hoodie.

“Move on.”

Jak snapped forward in a burst of rage, grabbing her by the throat and pinning her to the wall, the back of her head thumping against it with a hard smack. “Move on!” He roared, spittle flying from his lips and hitting her face. “Move on! I've been looking for your ungrateful ass for five years and the only thing you have to say to me is, move on.”

Lily's lips started to change color as the pressure of his hand around her throat increased, her arms shot out and gripped his arm, digging and scratching at his forearm and struggling against him, black and bright spots flashing in her eyes.

“I'll move on, when we get back home.” Jak told her, his thumb moving out to wipe across her lips.

“No, I'm n-not going w-with yo-u.” She choked, struggling to breath.

“Yes, you are.” He growled, nails breaking the skin of her neck. “You belong to me, since the day I met you, you've been mine. You think that fucking caveman loves you?” He taunted her. “You think him fucking your little cunt means he loves you, you're a fucking idiot. He's just fuckin' you for room and board, once he gets his fill and bored of you, he'll skip out.”

“But, me?” He brought his face closer to hers, their lips brushing. “I will always love you, Bunny. I will always come and find you, take you back home, where you belong. I'm the only one for you.”

Lily tried jerking her head sideways, away from his lips, but only earned a punch to the gut, knocking the teeny bit of air left in her body out.

“You always make shit so complicated.” Jak grunted, between gritted teeth. “Some things never change.” He berated her, shaking his head and about to strike her again, when the crackle and pop of tires on the driveway up to the house reached them.

“Fuck.” He hissed, hearing a car door slam, knowing Sy had returned from town.

Sy searched the cold and flu aisle of the small Celina store, trying to figure out which one would be best for her. “Why do you need eighty products that do the same thing?” He mumbled to himself, looking between the liquid and the pill form of the medicines. “Liquid would be easier for her to swallow, though, with her sore throat.” He reasoned, finally picking a product, then grabbed a bag of cough lozenges, even stopping to grab a bottle of her favorite juice, before heading for the check out line.

He sighed, impatiently shifting foot to foot, as the long line slowly progressed. He glanced at the other two open cashier lines, but they were even longer than his, making him growl, wanting to get back home to Lily already, before he froze, realizing what he was feeling. Lily and her place had become home to him. A real home. More of a home to him than his apartment in Austin or the place where he grew up with his parents. He felt like he belonged there with her and Aika, as if the three of them had created their own little family on the rag-tag farm.

So, when he finally got through the line and paid for his items, he rushed back home to her.

Quickly searching the kitchen, Jak grabbed a knife from the knife block on the kitchen counter beside them, then changed his hand from her throat to the back of her hair, turning her around and pressing her back against his chest. They stood in the kitchen, the tip of the knife pressed into Lily's throat, while they heard the screen door open and Sy's cautious footfalls step into the entryway.

“Lily?” Sy called out, his body tensing. “Aika!” He slowly set the grocery bag down on the floor, his nerve endings coming to life. “Hello?” He barked, his jaw tight, instinct telling him something was deeply off.

Jak pushed Lily forward, moving with her to stand in the entryway of the kitchen and living room, his and Sy's eyes meeting. Both men looked each other over, squaring each other off, trying to find their weaknesses and strengths, whether they could successfully take each other on; and win. Sy was purely confident he could take Jak out, but what he wasn't sure of, was if he could get to Jak before he hurt Lily with that knife he was gripping.

“So, you're him.” Sy said, his eyes hard and locked onto Jak, his blood was pumping and his hands were clenched into such tight fists, his knuckles were white.

“I am.”

Sy nodded, pressing his lips together. “If I were you, I'd let her go.”

“And if I were you, I would take yourself back out to your truck and leave this place.” Jak replied, motioning out the living room window to Sy's truck. “She's mine, caveman.”

Sy chuckled. “I don't think so, boy.” He grinned, taking a step forward.

“Ah!” Jak barked, taking a step back and pressing the tip of the knife harder into Lily's neck, a bead of blood trickled down and disappeared into the neck of Sy's hoodie. “Unless you want both of us to lose her, you'll back off.”

“I'm no-”

“Just listen to him, Sy.” Lily cried, gulping and whimpering.

“Lily.” Sy shook his head at her, trying to keep a handle on himself, for her safety.

“Please, Austin.” She begged him, a wash of tears streaming down her face and neck. “Please, just go.”

“I'm not leaving you with this prick.” Sy barked, not believing the words coming out of her mouth.

“You are, so just leave.” Lily told him. “I love him.” She sniffled, reaching back to grab Jak's shirt.

“Lily.” He barked, shocked.

“Don't worry about him, Bunny.” Jak cooed into her ear, but was grinning victoriously at Sy. “We're leaving here.” He said, slowly backing them into the kitchen and out the door.

Sy stood in the entryway breathing heavily and rocking on his heels as rage and confusion coursed through his body, but his breathing quicken and his mind became laser focused, causing him to snap into action. Going into a drawer in the living room, he pulled out the safety case the gun was in, opened it, and ran out the back door after them. Sy made it out the back door in time to see Jak dragging Lily towards an abandoned field to the right side of her property.

Running in that direction, he hopped over the porch rail to cut down time on reach them.

Making it a couple yards behind them, Sy could see where Jak had been hiding out while he'd been tormenting Lily. There was an old barn in the field from a bygone farm on the property beside Lily's. So, he slowed down, watching as Jak dragged Lily towards the decapitated barn by the wrist, the kitchen knife was in his other hand. Biting his lip, Sy stopped and pulled back the slide on the Taurus, taking very careful aim, he took several deep breaths, calming and slowing his breathing and heart rate, before squeezing the trigger. A loud pop rang out in the air and the bullet clipped Jak in the thigh, causing him to let go of Lily and the knife and drop to the ground.

Surprised, Lily looked back and saw Sy standing there, dropping the arm he was holding the weapon with and motioned to her with the other. Without hesitation, Lily broke out into a run, sprinting straight towards Sy, all but colliding with him and knocking them both to the ground. Sy hugged her, pressing his lips to her forehead, then pushed her behind him, as Jak struggled on the ground, cursing and swearing.

“You son of a whore!” Jak spat, rolling over, and pressing a hand to the seeping red patch on his jeans. “I'll fucking kill both of you!”

Sy's body, tight as a piano wire, suddenly relaxed and he took a step forward, but Lily clutched at his shirt. He looked back at her, giving her a reassuring expression, before approaching Jak, who continued to writhe in pain.

“Listen carefully.” Sy growled at him.

“No!” Jak roared, pointing a bloody finger at Sy, his face pale and angry. “You fuckin' listen! I'm going to make your lives hell! I'm going to fucking—whoa!!” He shrieked as Sy let off another round into the dirt beside him, getting his full attention.

“As I was saying.” Sy barked, his body stiff again. “Listen carefully.” He hissed, teeth gritted together. “I have a lot of friends in very high places, that if I kill you, they will help me erase your weaselly little fucking existence off the face of this god damned planet.” He told him, heatedly.

“She's mine. My girl.” He said, pointing back at Lily.

“So, if you're don't to get your ass out of this town, out of this state, and if you ever look for her again, let alone think about her, I will hunt you down and finish you off.” Sy told him, towering above the other man, and lowering his head to keep his eyes on Jak's.

“Do we understand each other?”

Jak gulped, looking up at Sy, like a tiny mouse cornered by a Cougar, then glanced around him to Lily, who stood watching the two men, terrified and exhausted, unconsciously wiping her runny nose on the cuff of Sy's hoodie, but her eyes were on Sy. It was in that moment that Jak realized that as fearful as Lily was, it wouldn't override her knowledge that Sy would protect her with his life, making his use of it to manipulate her, null and void. His grip on her was gone, he was nothing but a ghost, fading and being replaced.

His eyes shifted back to Sy. “Yeah.”

“Good.” Sy snapped. “Now, I don't care if you have to crawl, hop or limp, but I want you gone.”

Struggling for a moment, Jak managed to pull himself up, carefully balancing on his feet for a moment, before turning on his good leg, then limping and shuffling away from them, towards the dilapidated barn, where his car was hidden. Sy didn't move from his spot or relax, even as the 2013 Honda left the structure, tires kicking up dirt and dust as he tore down the neglected drive, blowing out of the gateless driveway onto the road with a loud screech. It was only when the car and its sound disappeared that Sy relaxed, flicking on the gun's safety with his thumb and pushed it into the waistband of his jeans, then turned towards Lily. Taking two steps to close the gap between them and collecting her in his arms, Sy scooped Lily up and head back towards their house, only stopping once they were back inside the living room and dropped onto the couch, with her in his lap.

Lily let out a weak breath into his chest, tears dripping down her face and arms locked around his neck. Sy pressed his cheek to her hair, his own chest tight with emotions, and squeezed his eyes shut, tears dripping from his dark lashes.

“Aika.” Lily whimpered, pulling back, wiping away her and Sy's tears.

“Oh shit.” Sy panted back, glancing side to side, alarmed, letting Lily get up and stood. “Aika!” He called out.

Both of them paused, listening quietly, then looked at each other, hearing pitiful whines and whimpers coming from the entryway. Having heard a door slam after Jak had entered the house and not seeing Aika, but clearly hearing her whines, Lily knew there could only be one place for the German Shepherd to be and rushed to the coat closet in the hallway, yanking the door open.

“Oh, good lord.” She gasped, finding the dog inside the closet, front and back paws were taped together, as was her muzzle. “My poor baby.” She cooed, dropping to her hands and knees, gingerly peeling the tape from around Aika's mouth.

“That fuck.” Sy barked, standing behind Lily, and seeing what Jak had done to his beloved Aika, hating him even more for hurting his girls. “Here.” He said, kneeling down beside Lily, and removing a small, folding knife that was clipped to his belt, then carefully cut the tape wrapped around Aika's legs.

Lily removed the tape from around her paws the best she could without causing Aika anymore discomfort and pain. “Oh, I know, such a sweet girl.” Lily murmured, as Aika got up, licking at her and Sy's faces, her shaggy tail beating against the walls of the closet. “I'll give you the entire container of treats, promise.”

Sy chuckled softly, gently petting Aika, relieved that both Lily and the German Shepherd were safe and sound again, and for the most part, unharmed. “Let me see your neck.” He said, cupping her chin between his fingers and turning her head to look at the nick and line of dry blood on her neck. “It's nothing too bad, but I should clean it up.” He told her, standing, then helped her up to her feet.

Grabbing the bag that had been discarded and forgotten on the entryway floor, Sy went upstairs with Lily, Aika close behind them. Setting the bag down on the bed and taking her into the bathroom, he easily moved about the small space. Sy had become familiar with the master bathroom in the few weeks he had started sleeping with Lily in her room, as she helped him combat his nightmares. He grabbed a bottle of antiseptic from the medicine cabinet and squeezed some of it on a fluffy, white cotton ball, then turned his careful attention onto her. Gently lifting her chin and dabbing at the cut, making Lily hiss and bite her lip, he gave her a sweet and sympathetic look, cleaning away the dry and flaky blood.

“There, all better.” He smiled, tossing the bloody cotton ball into the bin.

“Thank you.” Lily smiled, before subsiding into a coughing fit.

Sy snapped back into the reality before Jak rocked their usually peaceful life, recalling why he had left the house in the first place, going to grab the bag off the bed and brought it back to her, taking out the bottle of cold and flu medicine. Tearing the safety seal off, Sy poured the nasty looking green syrup into the clear, plastic measuring cup and held it out to her. Lily's face twisted with disgusted, shivering, but she took it from him and quickly downed it.

“Ew, that is so nasty.” She laughed, nervously, setting the cup down.

“As long as it works.” Sy replied, closing the bottle.

“I thought you were going to kill him.” Lily whispered as she sat down on the bed.

Sy stopped in the doorway of the bathroom, biting his lip and pushing his jaw forward, slowly nodding his head as he thought about it. He thought he was going to end up killing Jak too. He had thought a lot about what he would do if, and when, he met Jak in person, ever since he answered his call and Lily told him about their history, over a week ago. He had pictured beating him to a pulp, killing him and just giving him a good talking too; making a point that Lily was no longer his.

But, even Sy knew, you don't know how you'll react to a situation until it happens.

“I thought I would kill him too.” He admitted out loud, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, beside her. “Part of me wanted too.” He added with a soft sigh.

“But, then he would have taken you from me.”

Sy reached out and took her hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb over her wrist. “My life would be an equal trade for your safety, Lily.”

“But, not for my happiness.” She countered, lifting a brow at him.

Their eyes met and Sy smiled at her, leaning forward to gently kiss her.

“Rest.” He whispered against her lips. “It's all over now.”

Lily sighed softly, then chuckled, feeling Sy's heavy palm press down on her belly. “So vain.” She giggled, splaying her legs open and resting her ankles on his calves.

“Am I?” He chuckled back, feeling himself moving inside of her.

“You're always pressing your hand to my abdomen, when we have sex. Always enjoying the feel of that fat cock inside of me.” She told him, locking her dainty hand around his thick wrist as his hand stayed on her stomach. “I don't know who takes more pleasure in it, me or you.”

“Both of us.” Sy laughed, leaning over and gently kissed her.

Sy wiped his sweaty forehead on the sleeve of his painting coveralls and took a step back, lowering the long handled paint roller into the roller pan, that was filled with moth gray paint that he and Lily had picked out to paint the house with, accented by slate blue shutters, dark stained porch support posts and a white door.

“It's looking good, Bear.” Lily said, stepping out onto the porch, carrying a glass of iced tea.

“Thanks, Angel.” Sy smiled, carefully setting the roller down and took the glass from her. “Hopefully, I'll be done soon, and I'll start putting up the roofing.” He told her, between sips. “Do you want to see it?” He asked her, setting the cool glass on the porch rail.

“Sure.” Lily nodded, pressing her lips together and gulping down a sudden nauseous ump in her throat, before following Sy around the other side of the house and off the porch, towards the barn, where the roofing material was stored.

Sy pushed open the barn door, smiling as it glided on its rollers, he had replaced and greased the track, so when the roofing material was delivered it would be easier for him and the delivery men to get in and out of the structure with the heavy boxes. Entering the barn, Sy opened one of the cardboard flaps to the roofing materials and showed Lily what was inside.

“I thought the black would accent well with all the other colors we have going with the house.” He started to explain to her.

“Is it metal?” She asked, reaching out and touching it, finding it cool under her fingertips.

“They are.” Sy nodded, smiling at her. “They last longer than asphalt shingles, you know, the shingles that normally go on houses. But, they're lighter than tile or slate. I also know you love the sound of the rain and hail on the barn's roof, and it's metal, so, I thought you'd enjoy it in the house too.” He told her, proud of his methods. “I'll insulate the roofing a bit. so it won't be so loud, when we get a really bad storm.”

Lily smiled, incredibly touched by Sy's thoughtfulness, as she often was. “Thank you.” She replied, moving over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight for a moment, until the strong smell of the paint on his coveralls hit her nose and went straight to her stomach. “Oh god.” She gasped, whining, and tore away from him.

Racing out the barn door and skidding around the corner, Lily doubled over and spilled her guts, puking and wrenching into the tall grass and weeds growing alongside the barn wall. Sy's hot hand pressed to the small of her back, concerned, as she continued to dry heave for several more moments.

“You all right?” He asked, rubbing her back and making sure her hair wasn't in her face.

“Yeah.” She nodded, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and stood up. “I just think all the paint fumes are getting to me.”

Nodding and letting out a slow breath, Sy walked back into the house with her and brought the portable fan into the living room, hoping to reduce the strength of the paint smell in the room for her, seeing how pale she was.

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked, bringing her a glass of water.

“Yeah, I'll be fine, Bear.” She replied, slowly sipping the water.

“Okay.” Sy nodded, chewing on the corner of his lip. “I'm going to try and finish this side of the house by the end of the day. If you need anything, just call. All right?”

Lily smiled up at him. “All right, Sy.”

Smiling back at her, Sy kissed her temple and went back out onto the porch. Lily sat on the couch for a little while longer, pressing her hands to her face, tired and her stomach still acting up, the smell of paint wasn't as strong with the windows open and the fan blowing, but it was still lingering. So, she went upstairs to the master bedroom, where the air was clear. She dropped on the bed and picked up her phone, figuring the hormonal change from her upcoming period was causing her to be nauseous, and opened a period tracking app she used.

“Oh, fuck.” She gasped, seeing the date on the tracker, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, foot tapping with nervous and antsy energy. “Fuck it.” She snapped, jumping to her feet and went back downstairs, swiping her keys off their hook.

“Where's the fire?” Sy asked, as Lily breezed out the front door.

“I'm just going into town.” She replied, biting her lip.

“All right.” Sy answered, turning back to the section he was painting. “Wait.” He froze, just processing what she said to him. “What?” He squeaked, turning back towards her.

Lily's mouth worked for a moment, flustered. “I'm...going into town.” She repeated, slowly.

Sy set down the paint roller. “Do you want me to go with you?” He asked, eyes scanning her, he could tell something had her distressed, but couldn't put his paint covered finger on it.

“No.” She shook her head, and took a deep breath. “I know you want to finish this, and I think I can do it.” She told him, feeling a slow confidence wrap around her anxiety of going into town by herself for the first time since she came to Celina, nearly five years before.

“As long as you're sure.” Sy replied, regarding her, a soft light of pride in her glowing in his blue eyes.

“I am.” Lily nodded, smiling at him, even more fortified by his pride. “I'm no longer afraid of what's out there, like I used to be.”

“I'm proud of you, Angel.” Sy cooed, beaming at her.

“Thanks, Bear.” Lily blushed, shyly brushing her hair behind her ears.

“Hey, since you're heading out that way, could you get me another roller?” He asked, looking down at the one he had been using.

“Sure, do you need a specific kind?”

“Yeah, a roller with a three-fourths nap.”

“Three-fourths nap, noted.” Lily replied, committing it to memory. “Anything else?”

“Nope.” He shook his head, giving her a quick kiss, before she stepped off the porch and got into her usually unused car.

Lily let out a deep breath as she pulled off her property, her heart thundered in her chest as she approached the small town, nervous about why she was going out there to start with and what the residences would say when they saw her out and about on her own, she knew they would whisper and talk, especially when they saw the items she bought. Lily contemplated going over to the next town of Prosper to get the items, not wanting the gossip to be running rampant around Celina by morning, but shrugged it off.

“Let them talk.” She said, pulling into the parking lot. “It won't change anything.”

Going into the hardware store first, Lily got the paint roller Sy had asked her to get and dropped it in the car, before going into the grocery store for what she had gone out for.

“Hey, Ms. Lily!”

“Hey, Travis.” Lily smiled at the teen.

“You're out and about!” He grinned at her, abandoning his spot at the end of a cash register, where he was supposed to be helping bag groceries, to walk with her.

“I am.” She chuckled at him, biting her lip and blushing.

“Are you trying to overcome your fear or something?” He inquired, tilting his head at her.

“Something like that.” She replied, offering him a sweet smile.

“I'm glad.” Travis smiled back at her, really looking proud of her. “You really deserve to live life to the fullest.” He told her, with a sweet earnest.

“Thank you, Travis.” Lily chuckled, gently touching his arm.

“Marlowe!” A voice barked, startling them both into looking behind them. “Bags.” A heavy set man in a creased pair of slacks and white polo shirt snapped, pointing at the checkout stand Travis had walked away from.

“Sorry, Mr. Gillis.” Travis replied, sheepishly. “I was just giving Ms. Lily aisle directions. The Tylenol is on aisle seven.” He said, looking back at Lily.

“Thanks, Travis. You're a lifesaver.” Lily replied, going along with it.

Travis winked at her and went back to his job and Lily went on her way, weaving around until she found the aisle she was looking for, finding three different types of the product she was looking for and was unsure which would be the best to use. So, she grabbed one of each and started for check out, but back tracked and grabbed a bottle of Tylenol, before going to pay for her items. Thankfully, Travis wasn't upfront, when she got up there, causing her heart to slow down, greatly, in her chest. Even though, the cashier gave her a knowing glance as she rang Lily up, but Lily pretended to not see it, staring at the headline of a magazine beside the register.

Returning home, Lily crammed the three boxes into her bag, before getting out of the car, and Sy was still working on the porch. He turned his attention to her, smiling as she stepped up onto the porch with him, holding out the new roller brush to him.

“Thanks.” He said, taking it from her. “How'd it go?” He asked.

“It went really well.” Lily smiled, her anxiety level starting to go down again, but was still anxious. “I ran into Travis.” She chuckled.

“Oh, how did that go?” Sy laughed back.

“He got in trouble with his boss, but he's a good kid.” She smiled, jiggling her bag of Tylenol.

“Is that what you went for?” Sy asked, lifting a brow at the bag.

“More or less.”

“Hm.” He hummed, pressing his lips together. “Well, I'm glad you did it, I knew you could.”

“Thanks, Bear.” Lily smiled, pushing up on her toes and kissed him on the lips. “I'll get dinner started soon.”

“Good, I'm starved.” He replied against her mouth.

“Always and forever.” Lily teased him, giggling, then went inside.

With Sy still distracted with the porch, Lily went upstairs and closed herself inside the master bathroom, dumping the three boxes onto the sink counter and letting out a shaky breath, glancing at herself in the mirror.

“Here goes nothing.” She sighed, tearing open the boxes and read their instructions. “Seems easy enough.” She talked to herself, trying to keep her nerves under control, pausing when she heard whining outside the bathroom door. “Come on, quick.” She whispered, opening the door for Aika, then closed it behind her.

“You wanna take this for me?” Lily quipped, holding up one of the test sticks. “I didn't think so.” She huffed, when Aika just stared up at her. “It was worth the ask.” She babbled, nervously, before working up the nerve to take two of them.

She nervously paced the bathroom, chewing on her lip or on her fingernails, trying to figure out a way to tell Sy if either of them came out positive. If they didn't, it was easy not to tell him, there wouldn't be a need to, it was just her own silly paranoia. Maybe her tracker was just off, she was bad at remembering to update the thing after her periods ended and things had been crazy around that time, dealing with Jak. But, what if her tracker was right, what if she was really a week late. Ever since their first time in the barn during the storm, Lily and Sy enjoyed having sex with each other every chance they got, for God's sake, they had sex up against the kitchen table the night before, while they were supposed to be making dinner, only to end up burning it and having to call out of pizza instead.

There were so many moments in the last month that could have ended up with Lily being at this point, that it was nearly impossible to say which one it was.

The five minute timer on Lily's phone started to ring and she tapped it off, but still didn't have the courage to look at the two sticks balanced on the sink's edge. Pressing a hand over her eyes and stepping up to the counter, Lily counted to five under her breath, then yanked her hand away from her eyes, quickly looking down before her spur of the moment courage failed her again and felt her stomach drop.

“Oh fucking shit.” She snapped, despite the grin on her face.

Staring at the tests for a moment longer, Lily opened the bathroom door and walked down the hall, to the main staircase, that was closest to the front door, but froze. A chill of fright filling her, what if Sy wasn't happy about the results, what if he freaked out and left or worse.

“No.” Lily shook her head, pushing that fear down. “Not my Bear.” She said, gulping. “Austin.” She called down the stairs to him.

There was a quiet moment, before the screen door opened and slammed shut again.

“Yeah?” Sy called back up the stairs to her.

“I need you to come up here.” Lily replied, biting her lip and taking a calming breath.

Sy's heavy footsteps came up the stairs, then he appeared before her, brows lifted in question. “What's up, Sugar butt?”

Lily motioned down the hall with her head, then moved back into the bedroom. Sy smirked, his step picking up a bit, figuring she was in a mood, and was more than happy to oblige her. But, he frowned at her, when she stopped beside the bathroom door and pointed inside of it, her eyes meeting his. Blinking once at her, Sy stepped into the bathroom, figuring now, that something had broken and she needed him to fix it, but what he found wasn't anything that was broken.

Far from it.

Sy's eyes instantly found the two used pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter, one of them showing two noticeable blue lines and the other one with the clear word, pregnant, in their indication windows. His mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide with surprise and shock, his brain going blank for a moment, unable to compute anything more than those two positive tests, before looking at Lily.

“You're sure?”

“I took two for a reason.” She replied, stared back at him, just as wide eyed. “I have a third, but I didn't think there would be a need for it, if the first two were the same result.” She explained, licking her lips.

Sy turned on his heels and strode over Lily, who spooked slightly, taking a step back from him, unsure how he was reacting, despite trying to reassure herself he wouldn't be angry about it. But, Sy caught her up in his arms and picked her up clean off her feet, nearly crushing her in his thick arms and against his chest, spinning her in a circle and burying his face into her neck, smiling and laughing, overjoyed, beyond belief.

“So, you're not angry?” Lily asked, holding onto him.

“Are you kidding me?” Sy laughed, pulling back and looking her in the face, beaming with tears in his eyes. “How could I ever be angry?” He asked her, like it was the most absurd thing in the world. “I love you, Lily, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He said, setting her back down on her feet and brushed his fingers through her hair, tenderly.

“I, sure as hell, want to have kids with you.” He told her, sincerely, cupping her face in his hands.

“I do too.” She whispered back, overcome with relief and joy, and grasped his wrists.

With the two pregnancy tests reading positive, Lily called the closest OBGYN in the area, which was twenty minutes away in the town of McKinney, and made an appointment with them for the earliest availability, which was three days later.

“I was thinking.” Sy said, drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel as he drove them to the appointment.

“Oh?” Lily replied, looking up from the ultra-soft, dove colored, yarn in her lap.

“I want to give up my apartment in Austin, and permanently stay out here with you and the baby.” He told her, glancing at her for a moment, smiling at the baby blanket she had started to crochet the night before.

“I already thought you were here permanently?” Lily chuckled, eyes sparkling at him. “Place in Austin or not.” She said, eyes turning back to her needlework.

Sy reached across the center console and gently took her hand in his. “You have no idea, how much you have made that farm a home for me. How much you've become home to me.”

Lily gripped his hand tighter, feeling the deep emotion of the moment. “I feel the same, Austin.” She whispered back, tears filling her eyes and spilling over, dripping onto the yarn. “So much, the same.”

They made it to the building Lily's new doctor worked out of and signed in for their appointment, filling out paperwork, while they waited for their turn to go back. Both of them were nervous and excited about the appointment, to find out more about the baby and what life would be like from here on out. Sy wanted to know what the gender was, but knew that wouldn’t happen for several more weeks, while Lily just hoped she wouldn't have any major complications during the pregnancy, her nausea was already starting to get more frequent, having been woken up early that morning to rush into the bathroom to throw up.

“Ms. Moore?” A nurse called out.

Lily and Sy stood up and the nurse showed them into the back, pausing for a moment to hold out a small urine sample cup to Lily.

“There's a bathroom two doors down, on the left, fill it to the line, and when you're done, leave it on the little counter in there, then I'll show you both to the exam room.” She explained to Lily.

“Okay.”

Lily nodded, a slight shake in her hand as she took the cup from her and went down to the bathroom, doing as she was told. It took Lily a moment to get going, her excitement and nerves taking up so much of her attention. She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a shaky breath, her mind flashing back and forth between every conceivable scenario between her, Sy and the baby. Her belly growing rounder than a ripe watermelon in summer, Sy finished up the house and working on a nursery, while she crocheted the blanket. The patter of feet in the house, the sound of laughs and barks in the yard as the baby and Aika played together.

But, also the fear of Sy suddenly deciding he didn't want a life with her and going back to Austin, leaving her to raise the baby on her own, or the absolute worst, losing the baby all together.

“Not going to happen.” She chanted under her breath. “He loves me.”

Taking several deep breaths, Lily managed to fill the cup to the line, secured the lid on it and set it down on the small shelf screwed into the wall across from the toilet, before washing her hands and going back out into the hall to join Sy and the nurse.

The nurse smiled at her and showed her and Sy into a sweet little exam room, where Lily took a seat on the table, letting the nurse take her vitals.

“The doctor will be right with you, Ms. Moore.”

“Thanks.” Lily smiled at her, legs gently swinging and hands clasped in her lap.

Sy stood in front of Lily, untangling her hands and held them in his, squeezing them as he felt them shake. “It'll be all right, Angel.” He cooed at her, pressing their hands to his chest and stood between her legs. “You're doing so good, my sweet thang.” He chuckled, starting to tease her a little bit, knowing it would lighten her mood.

Sy tried to cover his own worry and fear, wanting to look and be strong for Lily, knowing she was just as terrified as he was. He had wanted a family, a kid, for a long time, but not just a kid to have a kid for the sake of it, to have someone to carry on the bloodline and legacy. He wanted to have a kid with someone he loved, to have a life. To be someone more than Captain Austin Syverson of the U.S Army. To be, Austin Syverson, Father, Dad and husband, maybe even grandpa one day.

That had been Austin's dream.

And here was Lily, his beautiful, sweet Angel, who had saved him. He loved Lily with his entire soul, he would live for her and he would die for her, and now, she was carrying his daughter or son, proving him wrong, when he thought he couldn't love her anymore. Giving Sy one more thing on his bucket list. She gave him a purpose, she gave him a place to belong, and she gave him unconditional love and support. Lily made Sy feel wanted and complete. He couldn't think of anything more he wanted, but he had a feeling that Lily might give him more than what he expected.

“Snookums.” He laughed aloud.

“Oh god.” Lily laughed back, shaking her head at him, starting to feel better. “Watch yourself, Pooh Bear.” She teased him back, pressing her palms to his chest.

Sy rolled his eyes at her, leaning slightly forward and gently rubbed noses with her, with a soft knock on the room door and it opened, a short lady with smooth caramel skin and a white doctor's coat stepped into the room, smiling sweetly at both Lily and Sy.

“Hello.” She greeted them, extending her hand. “I'm Dr. Evers.”

“Hi.” Lily greeted her back and shook her hand. “Lily.” She smiled.

“Sy.” He replied, shaking her hand next.

“So, you're expecting?” Dr. Evers beamed at Lily, genuinely happy for them.

“Yeah.” Lily grinned, excited and shy. “I've been nauseous, which usually happens on my period.” She began to explain. “So, I was checking when my period was due to start, on a tracker I have on my phone, only to realize, I was nearly a week late.” She said, glancing over at Sy.

“I took two pregnancy tests and they both came back positive.”

“Great.” Evers nodded. “The urine test you took came back positive as well, but I'll also want to take a UPT test as well, to be extra sure.” She explained to Lily, just as the door opened again and the nurse came back in, pushing a small metal cart with two plastic tubes with rubber caps and a needle inside a sterile package.

Lily's hand instantly shot out for Sy's hand, eyes wild, gulping and paling slightly. Sy let her squeeze his hand as hard she wanted, while rubbing her back with his free hand, leaning in and pressing his lips to her temple. Lily, reluctantly, held her arm out to the nurse, who gently sterilized the inside bend of her elbow and took out the needle, that had a thin tube and cap-like object attached to it, that she slotted one of the test tubes into, before skillfully inserting the needle into Lily's arm.

“See, not so bad.” Sy smiled at Lily's soft hiss, watching her rich blood fill up the tube, and gently pet her hair. “Proud of you.” He added, softly.

The nurse filled both tubes, removed the needle and covered the injection site, smiling sweetly at Lily, then left the room with the blood samples.

“So, the test results will take two-= to three days to come in.” Evers explained to them, once the door closed. “The office will give you a call with the results. Until then, I want you to rest and take it easy. I'll prescribe you a prenatal vitamin and something for your nausea. Once we get your results and they’re positive, we'll set up another appointment and go from there.”

“Sounds great, Doc.” Sy grinned, giddy as a school-boy about being a dad.

“That it does.” Lily agreed, ecstatic as well.

-- Part VI --

[watchmegetobsessed]

IN YOUR MEMORIES

a/n: alright so this was inspired by an amazing fic called Graveyard by @wkemeup​ if you haven’t read it... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? honestly, i was amazed by the whole idea of having to “pay a price” for a super power and i’ve been really itching to try myself out in this concept, so that’s what this story is. im really excited to share this with you guys so i hope you’ll like it!

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: a hell lot of Bucky’s past pain, a little bit of angst aaand idk im really bad with these warnings

word count: 7.6k

masterlist

“I’ve been trying to figure out an effective way to help him, but it’s been more complicated than I expected. None of my ideas were good enough to even attempt them.” Shuri lets out a frustrated sigh as you stare at the peaceful face of the sleeping man in front of you in the cryo pod. The glass in front of his face is frosty, but you can still make his sharp features out, his chiseled jawline under the stubble, the elegant line of his nose and the thick lashes fanning over his cheeks as his eyes are shut closed.

“His whole mind needs to be rewired, his corrupted memories should be replaced or wiped out so the trigger words wouldn’t work any longer, but I can’t do that on my own.”

Tearing your gaze away from the man you look at her, an apologetic expression adorning her features, because she swore you’d find shelter in Wakanda, a place where you can be just like anyone else and yet, she is now asking you to use your power.

“Do you think he would let me help him?” you ask, glancing back at the man. Bucky, as Shuri called him, doesn’t look as old as he was said to be. A hundred and six years is a lot for a human like him, though he is not as mortal as others on the planet. Shuri told you about the experiments he had to endure through his life and even though you haven’t even touched his mind, you could feel the pain inside you.

“He is desperate to get rid of his dark side, I think he would do anything.”

Reaching up your fingers graze the glass over his face before you plant your whole palm onto it, trying to feel him even under the surface and ice. Eyes shutting close, you take a deep breath as you let your senses open up and find your way to the man.

Because of the cryo pod, you don’t feel him the way you usually do. It’s like he is just an echo in a huge empty room, you can’t make out his whole mind, but he is there. And even with him sleeping under the ice, you still can feel the despair and pain he had to go through as an innocent man. You know he deserves to be saved, he deserves to be freed from his own past and you are his only chance as of right now.

“Wake him up,” you simply tell Shuri before turning around to go back to your room that was assigned to you upon your arrival in the palace.

Bucky doesn’t feel like he has been asleep under the ice for more than just a few hours. It felt like a nap, but in reality he woke up months after the day he closed his eyes.

Shuri welcomed him with the news that the cure has been found and it’s time for him to get rid of the Winter Soldier for once and for all. She didn’t say much about the method, just told him to get ready by the afternoon.  He was never one to question the genius young girl so he just obeyed.

After a hot shower he shaved and took the time to get accustomed to the prototype of the vibranium arm Shuri left for him. It’s not the final version, a lot of details need work, but it’s good enough for his everyday life for a while.

The world hasn’t seemed to change since he last saw it. Wakanda is just as flourishing and vibrant as he remembered, a truly spectacular place in his opinion. He wonders how his friends have been, what Steve is doing, if Natasha is alright… Is Tony still fuming after their last encounter? He probably is.

When it’s time, he leaves his room and heads to Shuri’s lab for their meeting. The guards let him in with just a nod, like he is an old friend and he finds Shuri at her computer as always. The girl beams upon seeing him again, complimenting on his freshly shaved look.

“So what did you invent for me, smartpants?” he smiles at her gently. Bucky owes a lot to Shuri and her brother, they took him in when he wasn’t welcomed anywhere else and now she is about to give him his life back. After this, he’ll forever owe her and her family.

“Well, it’s not my invention this time,” she chuckles shaking her head. Bucky is about to question her when the doors open again, both of them turning in the direction just to see you walk in. His eyebrows knit together at the sight of you, not entirely sure what it’s supposed to be. “Mr. Barnes, let me introduce you to Y/N. Y/N, this is Sergeant Barnes.”

You walk closer, Bucky’s icy blue eyes are glued to your form as you stop a few feet away from him, holding out a hand shyly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sergeant James Barnes,” you smile softly as his flesh hand takes yours and shakes it gently.

Bucky is enamored with you instantly. He has never seen someone as delicate, soft and charming as you are, your whole aura just demands his attention and he wants to know everything about you. But he also notices that though you look a lot like any other human on the planet, he is convinced you are not from Earth.

What he doesn’t know is that the moment your hands touch, you can hear his thoughts and you can’t push down your smile at how well he is at inspecting his surroundings.

“Just call me Bucky, please,” he nods before your hands let go of each other and his thoughts quiet down again in your head.

“To answer your suspicion, I’m rorm a planet called Lortena. Life on my planet looks a lot like humans here on Earth, but our lifespan is a little longer and some of us have gifts, as my mother always liked to call them.”

“How did you—“ “How did I know what you thought?” you ask with a small smile, finishing his sentence as he nods in complete awe. “I’m what you might call… a mind reader. But my abilities go a little farther than just reading minds,” you admit and his lips part at the revelation.

Bucky glances over at Shuri, part of him thinking it’s some kind of joke or witchcraft, but the girl smiles back at him with an assuring nod.

“Why don’t we sit down and have a chat? I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” Shuri suggests patting Bucky’s shoulder before the three of you head into her conference room.

Though you’re not touching Bucky, you can sense his confusion and hunger to learn more about you. He is curious about what else you are capable of and though the news about your abilities are still quite odd to him, you can tell that he isn’t trying to shut you out entirely. He just has some reservations for now.

Bucky knows it’s rude to stare, but he can’t stop himself from inspecting you. Knowing that you are not from this planet is already enough for him to get his mind racing, especially because you look just like any other humans on Earth. But the little trick you did on him was enough of a convincing for him to believe that you are from somewhere else.

The three of you sit to the table and Shuri takes the lead to start the conversation.

“While you were asleep, Sergeant, life went on and we had a lot going on,” she smiles, her eyes falling on you. “Y/N is a refugee from her planet, Lortena. There’s a war going on there and she was sent away because she was a primary target. She wasn’t supposed to end up here, but there was a little mishap during her journey and landed in Wakanda.”

“Are you targeted because of your… powers?” Bucky asks, hoping he is not asking anything offensive.

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s because I’m the king’s daughter.”

“Oh!” he breathes out.

Great, so she is not only a breathtakingly beautiful creature with superpowers, but she is royal as well, he thinks to himself.

“And how… where do your… powers come from? Is that a usual thing on your planet?”

“Not quite,” you chuckle softly.

You give a glance at Shuri who nods and brings up a hologram of Loki’s scepter with the mind stone in it. Bucky is already familiar with them, but he is curiously listening to find out what it has to do with you.

“Long before the mind stone was trapped into the scepter, it was in our possession. We used it as out main power source, kept locked away from preying eyes and hands. We all knew it’s capable of more than what we use it for, but we didn’t want to risk it and use it for the wrong purposes.”

The hologram changes and now the mind stone is on display on its own.

“But not everyone agreed with that. A couple hundred years ago there was a war for the stone. Though our people sacrificed everything to protect it, they didn’t succeed entirely. Unfortunately, the attackers didn’t know how great the stone’s power is. In the midst of the chaos, there was an explosion caused by the stone. Almost everyone present was killed, only seven survived and they were blessed with different powers coming from the stone.”

Bucky’s lips part as his eyes flicker over to you from the stone in the middle of the table, while you are staring at the hologram remembering back the stories your parents told you growing up. He feels like he is being shared with an ancient legend, a piece of history that is a privilege to know.

“The powers they were gifted with were held at great heights after the war was over. And while some of them could pass it on to their children, some couldn’t. The seven became four, then just two and there was one left. My grandmother. When my father didn’t show any signs of the stone’s power it was believed the magic was gone forever, but then I was born and…”

“And you had the powers,” Bucky chimes in, completely in awe of your origin story. You nod with a shy smile as the hologram of the stone disappears in the middle of the table.

“Yes.”

“And why is there a war on your planet right now?”

“Because though it’s been a miracle that I inherited my grandmother’s powers, the people want to get the stone back and have more of its powers. Unfortunately, the stone was lost through the years and I was informed that Thanos got a hold of it some time ago,” you explain, turning to Shuri for assurance about the accuracy of your words and she nods. “Who then gave it to Loki and now it’s in the scepter. People were demanding my father to start a war for the stone to get it back to Lortena, but he refused to sacrifice his army to get the stone back from a titan.” Sighing you lean back in your seat as you think about your home, your family that was left behind when your father sent you away because he was afraid the rebels would use you to get to him.

“The stone is not at Thanos’ any longer,” Bucky speaks up and your eyes find him as you snap out of your thoughts.

“I was informed of that as well. It’s um… it’s Vision’s now, right?” They both nod. “Well, the rebels think it’s Thanos’ and you better hope it stays that way. Because if they figure out that the titan doesn’t have it any longer, they won’t hesitate to attack you for the stone.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches at the thought of another war to take part in, but also because you had to go through such terrible events because of other’s greediness.

“I’ve been trying to find a solution to help you since you’ve gone to sleep, but I wasn’t able to come up with any,” Shuri speaks up. “But then Y/N arrived and I think she could be the one to do the job.”

“You think you can do that?” Bucky asks, eyebrows pulled together. “What else can you do, other than reading minds?”

You feel hesitant revealing the depths you’re able to reach with your abilities and you’re afraid he would find it too invading after everything he has been through. You want to help him but he has to let you. Though you’re powerful, if someone resists your attempts, the outcome won’t be the same as if they cooperated.

“If you let me… I can change your memories. I can make them appear differently in your head so what they did to you won’t have an effect on you any longer.”

Bucky’s jaw twitches. He has no idea what he was expecting, but not this for sure. Letting another person get into his head, play with his mind like it’s just a toy, it’s something he vowed not to let anyone do it again. But as he stares back at you, he can tell the difference between you and the monsters who ruined his head before. He is at a safe place and everyone here wants what’s good for him.

“It only works if you let me do it,” you add and notice how he presses his lips together into a thin line.

“I would do anything to get rid of him. So… I’m in,” he nods at last and you let out a relieved sigh.

You’ve never tried to corrupt so much of someone’s memories before and you’re not sure how long it will take to complete the task so you requested to start the next day, giving you some time to get ready physically and mentally and of course, for Bucky to get himself ready for his mind to yet again get taken apart by someone else.

Not having much to really do since your arrival other than helping Shuri out occasionally at the lab or giving assistance for T’Challa around the palace, you’ve been able to explore your temporary home in the heart of Wakanda.

There is a hidden terrace near your room, one that’s not well-known even by the people living in the palace and you like the peace and calm whenever you are out there, surrounded by flowers and plants in hand-painted pots, some of them were made by yourself, watching over the breathtaking view of Wakanda in front of you, the sky turning from bright blue to shades of orange, pink, purple and eventually black as the Sun goes down behind the hills.

Tonight, this is where you are seeking peace again, sorting your thoughts out about what you’ll have to face tomorrow. Your power has a lot of benefits but it has its curses as well. You’ve only attempted to do something similar before and you had to learn the hard way what price you have to pay for having control over someone else’s mind, thoughts and memories.

Your brother was tragically killed in an uprising when he was only seventeen and you were ten. It was the result of a series of unfortunate event, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time, no one could help him. Your mother broke under the pain of losing her own child and you listened to her cries every and each night for months before you decided that you needed to help her. She didn’t want to let you even try, afraid it might take too much of you to help her, but you insisted and she eventually gave in. You altered her memories and feelings about your brother’s death, only left her with the ones that bring her joy and happiness, but your gesture demanded a price you weren’t ready to pay.

Upon your own grief for your brother, you had to bear your mother’s as well, the pain of two people clutching your heart and mind in return for your mother’s happiness. You never told her how you cried yourself to sleep every night for an entire year, how you could barely control your dark flashbacks and the constant darkness that was pulling you down. No one knew what you had to go through just to see your mother smile again and you made sure it stayed that way. However, you didn’t dare to do it again, not entirely sure if you could handle the pain one more time.

You surprised yourself when you offered your help to Bucky. You don’t even know him, yet you are willing to take his pain and make it yours just so he can live a somewhat normal life. Though his memories and nightmares won’t torture you as long as they would have did with him, you’ll still have to fight his demons and he won’t even know it. Then why are you doing this?

You have no answer to that. Seeing him for the first time you just had a feeling that you have to do it, that he is worthy of it all and that you want to be the person to free him.

The glass door opens behind you as you’re watching the Sun disappear on the horizon and you’re surprised to see Bucky walk out to the terrace, stopping in his tracks once he notices you sitting on one of the wooden chairs.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here,” he mumbles, his gaze snapping down at the floor.

“That’s what I thought too,” you chuckle.

“I’ll leave you—“ he starts, ready to leave, but you stop him.

“You don’t have to. Feel free to join,” you tell him, gesturing towards the other chair. His hesitation is clear at first, but then he closes the door behind him and sits beside you.

Bucky watches the sunset in awe, but he can’t shake his curiosity towards you, having to control himself not to stare at you as he tries to figure you out. You’re not the only one who doesn’t understand why you’re doing this major gesture for him, he’s spent the afternoon trying to find any alternative motives that might explain your willingness to help him. He couldn’t find any and it left him with even more puzzles in his tortured head.

“What is it like on your planet?” he finds himself asking, breaking the long silence between the two of you.

“It’s not too different than here,” you admit truthfully. “Though our technology is a little more advanced,” you add with a soft chuckle. “In a way I’m happy I ended up here, because Wakanda reminds me of my home.”

“You miss it, don’t you? Your home?”

“Who doesn’t?” you ask with a soft smile and Bucky nods. He misses his home too, but in his case, it’s not a place but a time, decades ago, when he was his true self instead of the monster Hydra forced him to become.

“I’m sure it’ll be nice to return once the war is over,” he hums to himself and he expects a warm and positive reaction from you, however all he sees is pain and sadness in your eyes. “What is it?”

You hesitate to share it with him, staring back at him you think about keeping your thoughts to yourself, but how could you expect him to let you get into his head if you don’t share your thoughts with him willingly?

“Bucky, I don’t think I’ll ever return to my planet,” you breathe out as your gaze moves back to the scenery in front of you, the burning disk of the sun already hidden behind the hills.

“What do you mean?”

“The ship I came with can’t be fixed and they don’t know that I ended up here. It would take them too long to find me here and that’s if… If my family will be alive by then. I have no idea what’s happening there right now, if the rebels are winning or my father is able to keep things under control. I see very little likelihood of my return.”

Bucky’s heart aches for you, knowing well the pain you feel, he finds it ironic how the both of you are stuck so far away from your homes, seeking shelter at the same place at the same time.

He thinks it’s fate.

“What’s your favorite memory from your home?” he asks and you turn to him with soft and shining eyes. He is expecting you to tell him about it, but instead you decide to show it.

Grabbing his hand that’s closer to you, you bring it up to your face and make him cup the side of your head, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone as you close your eyes and recall the memory, planting into his head as well, taking him back, like the two of you could travel time and space just that easily.

Bucky can barely believe what he is experiencing but he finds himself inside your memory and it all seems so real, as if it was happening in the moment. He is standing in the middle of a meadow filled with luscious, green grass and some kind of flowers, whites and purples and yellows dancing in the soft breeze. At first he thinks he is alone, he doesn’t see you anywhere around him and then he spots a woman in a long, light pink dress, her hair waving behind her in the gentle summer breeze and then he spots a little girl running behind her.

Bucky walks closer to the woman, but she doesn’t acknowledge his presence, she doesn’t even look his way and when he reaches out to touch her arm, his hand goes right through her figure, as if she was just a ghost.

The little girl finally catches up with the woman, a handful of flowers in her hands and when looks up Bucky realizes that it’s you as a child. Your main features can still be found behind the round cheeks and pouty lips.

“Mom! I picked these for you!” your younger self beams, holding the little bouquet of flowers up to your mother, who takes it with a bright smile.

“So beautiful, my love!” she hums, sniffing the flowers as you giggle at her. “But why don’t we use them for something?”

“For what?” you ask with a curious look and Bucky can’t help the smile on his face. It’s such a pure and joyful memory, he almost wishes it was his.

Your mother sits down in the grass, her skirt fanning over her in a circle as she pulls you down to her lap with your back facing her before she combs her fingers gently through your hair and starts braiding it, sticking the little flowers into the braid as she moves down. You start singing some kind of song, one Bucky doesn’t know, and your mother smiles brightly at your chiming voice. She braids with so much care and precision, at the end it looks perfect and very much princess-like with the flowers littering around.

“There. Now you are a bouquet of flowers yourself, my love” she smiles at you, kissing your cheek before letting you out of her arms, watching you dance around in your dress, singing to yourself without a care in the world.

Bucky wants to stay there, more than anything and see more of your younger version and your mother, but he is abruptly pulled back into reality when you pull his hand back from your face and the connection stops. His eyes snap open and they find yours, so enamored and in awe of what he just experienced, he feels like he was let in on a secret no one else knows in the world.

“Wow. That was… amazing,” he breathes out as his hand drops back to his lap while you just smile back at him shyly. “Is that… Is that what it’s gonna be like when you…?”

“Not quite,” you shake your head. “You won’t feel anything, you’ll just have to think back to all the memories you want to be changed or wiped. I’ll be the one stuck in your memories like you were in mine. And from inside, I’ll be able to change them.”

“Will I know later which ones were altered or they won’t be different at all?”

“There’ll be… a kind of shine to them when you’ll think of them after that. It’s gonna be the only tell that they were touched by me. But I won’t change anything you don’t give your consent to.”

Bucky nods, having answered his biggest concerns about tomorrow. Now he feels like he trusts you completely and you’ll be the first person he can open his mind up to without a worry.

No matter how much you tried to get yourself ready for what you’d see in Bucky’s head, nothing could have prepared to the pain and darkness he had to endure during his oddly long human life. All the torture, the blood, the hurt and fear of death, it all comes down crashing on you even after the first session you have with him.

It breaks your heart that such a sweet soul had to go through Hell innocently and now he has to live with everything he was forced to do against his will. You can only hope that the people who did this to him have gotten their rightful punishment.

The first time the two of you sit down to start his treatment you get stuck in his head for hours, going through memories and altering them to take away anything that is connected to the trigger words. You witness the time he was captured and the first time he was sat into the chair that broke him. You can’t help the tears rolling down your face as you use all your power to change the memory and leave him with just a faded picture of his cell and held captive. Bucky asked you not to wipe them entirely, leave him with reminders of what made you be the way he is today and that’s exactly what you do.

When you finally come back you almost faint from exhaustion, Shuri catches you right in time before you could fall off the chair in front of Bucky’s who is equally dizzy, but he still manages to reach out and grab your hand to help you steady yourself. You feel drained and almost tortured, Bucky’s memories imprinting into your own head and you already know they will haunt you for quite some time. Not as long as your mother’s grief did, you were just a child back then and you couldn’t control your power that well, but even though you’ve learned to use your abilities, it will still take a couple of months for you to get rid of the horrors you saw in Bucky’s head.

Bucky sees how broken you look after just the first session and he doesn’t want to believe you’ll be strong enough to finish what you started.

“It’s fine,” you assure him when he asks you again in the evening if you surely want to continue. “I just have to rest and we can go on,” you tell him, giving his arm a squeeze before returning to your room.

That night, you wake from a burning nightmare with a scream, gripping onto the sheets with terror running through your veins. In your dream, you were the one strapped to that chair, going through all the pain Bucky had to bear decades ago. It was vivid and torturous and you know it’s going to return.

But you’re determined to finish the work and you do it over and over again, every day for the next couple of weeks. You go through all of Bucky’s darkest memories, altering and changing them until there’s nothing left from the Winter Soldier in him, just some faint and blurry pictures of him being held by his captors. You take all the pain and let it sink its claws into your own head, clouding your mind with darkness.

Bucky can feel the change in himself instantly after the first time you get into his head and a few days later he sleeps through the night for the first time in forever, oblivious to the fact that not far away from his room, you are fighting his demons every night so he can have his peace.

He is always the one to help you back into your room after an exhausting session and he wakes you up with breakfast in the mornings, always making your favorite. You tell him it’s not necessary, but he insists that this is the least he can do for everything you are doing for him, and he doesn’t even know the worst things you endure for his happiness.

He is always the one to request days off from the treatment, not for himself, but for you. He sees how trying it is and though you would never ask for time off, you don’t have to, because Bucky does it for you. Every third or fourth day he tells you he needs some time to heal and get used to his new mindset, but he just wants you to rest and recharge and though you know it too, you appreciate the gesture.

Some days he asks you to join him for walks just to get you out of the palace and you gladly say yes, desperately needing something to bring the light back into your life and it doesn’t take long to realize that Bucky is that light that can ease the heaviness of the pain you are fighting.

You love seeing his smile as the first thing in the morning, you love how he squeezes your hands every time before you dive into his head and how insists to carrying you to your room even when you’re perfectly capable of walking on your own. You love how chivalrous he is always, something Shuri told you was more common in the times he was born and you adore it that it’s a piece of his past self still present after everything he’s been through.

Bucky is the only one who can pull you out of the dark hole you’ve been stuck in and you promised yourself that you’ll never tell him the price you had to pay for his happiness, because he deserves every ounce of it and you wouldn’t want anything to cloud over it, not even your misery.

It takes five entire weeks to go through everything that turned him into the Winter Soldier and then the day to test if it has worked finally comes. Shuri has made sure to have a capsule ready for the test, one that would keep him under control in case you didn’t succeed and he would be triggered by the words he already knows too well.

“Are you sure I won’t hurt anyone?” Bucky asked cautiously as he was strapped into the capsule, a good majority of the Dora Milaje guarding the lab as well in case the test goes wrong, but both you and Shuri are optimistic about it.

“Calm down, Sergeant. We can handle you,” Shuri jokes before finishing up. “Alright, I’m gonna close this now, but you’ll be able to hear us and we’ll hear you as well,” she informs him and he just nods as she closes the capsule, securing him inside.

You sit on the side, but still close enough to see his face in the capsule. His icy blue stare finds yours and you give him a soft, encouraging smile. You do believe he won’t be triggered and not just because of what you did, but because he has a strong will and if there’s still any part of the Winter Soldier in him, he’ll be able to come over it.

“Okay, ready for the words?” Shuri asks him and breathing out he nods, closing his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

“Желание,” comes the first word through a speaker and you hold your breath as you stare at his face through the capsule.

“Ржавый. Семнадцать,” the words carry on and you see him squeeze his eyes a little, fear taking over you that he might break, but it never happens. “Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный…”

The trigger words ends and your lips part when his eyes open, noticing the tears in them as he finally realizes that he didn’t turn. The Winter Soldier is finally gone.

“Congratulations, Sergeant. You’re free,” Shuri announces as she opens the capsule and lets him out, sobs shaking from his chest before he is freed from the straps and able to step out of the capsule.

He is quick to rush over to you and wrap you in his embrace, both of you sobbing and crying and you hold onto him tight, as if he was just a memory that could vanish any moment, but he is there, flesh and metal, the Bucky you know and adore so much.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he keeps repeating as his vibranium fingers tangle into your hair at the back of your head.

It’s been over a week of freedom for Bucky and he hasn’t felt better in his life, well, not in this decade. Without the sessions, he now has quite some free time on his hands that he prefers to spend with you, actually.

The two of you have been joined at the hips since his recovery and not just because Bucky feels like he owes his life to you, but because you both can’t help falling for the other in the light of your newly found friendship that’s starting to slowly turn into more.

Bucky hasn’t been shy about showing his adoration and gratitude towards you, not after you’ve seen the darkest side of him and could still look at him the same way. He feels like he has bared his entire soul to you and you accepted it gladly, so there’s no need to beat around the bushes.

However you’ve been still trying to keep him away from the secret you’re hiding. He can’t find out about the nightmares, the screams and the tears you shed every night when his demons come for you. You can’t let him get close enough to see the price you paid for his own happiness. But even with all the cautions you’ve been keeping, you still can’t stop fate from finding its way.

One night Bucky is staying up late, binge watching a series Shuri has recommended for him. He didn’t intend to stay up so late, but before he could realize how fast the time has passed, it was already past two in the morning.

Shutting the laptop down he decides to get himself some water before finally going to sleep. Padding his way down the dark and quiet hallways in only a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, he unintentionally takes the route that goes past your room. He didn’t plan on dropping by, knowing you’re probably asleep by now, just wanted to feel that sense of closeness even in the middle of the night, but his original plans immediately change when he hears your deafening scream coming from the other side of the door.

His blood freezes in his veins and he is quick to turn into combat mode, ready to fight whatever is threatening your life, but as he pushes his way into your room he doesn’t find any intruder, it’s just you, curled up on your bed and even under the thick layer of covers, he can see how badly you’re shaking, your beautiful face churned into a painful frown as you keep your eyes shut.

He immediately realizes that you’re having a nightmare.

He rushes over to the bed and sits to the edge, the mattress dipping underneath his weight as he carefully places a hand to your trembling shoulder.

“Y/N! Y/N, wake up!” he softly shakes you, trying to get you back to consciousness, but you keep tossing and whimpering, a thin layer of sweat covering your skin.

“No, no, please! I’m not the Winter Soldier!” you cry out and Bucky freezes, his jaw clenching at your words, an eerie feeling running down his spine.

“Y/N, it’s just a dream, wake up!” he tries again and your eyes finally shoot open.

Though you’ve woken up, you don’t instantly see what’s really happening around you and you are quick to flinch away from Bucky, pushing yourself to the far end of the bed as you stare back at him with fearful, wide eyes.

“It’s just me. It’s alright, it’s me, Bucky,” he softly reminds you holding his hands up so you can see them. Your chest is heaving and your hands are gripping the sheets so tight, your knuckles are turning white.

“Bucky,” you breathe out and he nods.

“Yeah, it’s me. You had a bad dream, I heard you scream.”

Letting out a shaky breath you close your eyes and try to shake the vivid images that haunted you tonight out of your head, with not much success. Tonight you were beaten up in a cold and dark cell, the man kept telling you that you’re just a monster, a soulless nobody as he kept hitting you before he reached for a weapon that sent electricity through your body until it was too numb to move at your will.

You know it was one of his memories, because you’ve seen this scene before in his head and you remembered it clearly. Only that last time you saw it happen to him and now you were the victim.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, loosening your muscles as you gain your contact back with reality.

“What was the nightmare about?” he quietly asks and your gaze snaps up to meet his. You can’t read his icy blue eyes and for a moment you think about touching him so you could hear his thoughts, but you promised yourself you would never use your powers on him.

“Just… some nonsense stuff,” you lie shaking your head.

“Didn’t sound like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you beg to someone, telling them that you’re not the Winter Soldier.”

His face hardens as he inspects you while you try your best to hide anything that would tell him more about what you’ve been keeping from him.

“I don’t… I don’t remember it,” you shrug, scooting closer to him as you fix your pillows.

“Y/N, I don’t need superpowers to know that you’re lying,” he retorts and you almost flinch at his words. “Are you having nightmares because of what you saw… in my head?”

For a split second you think about lying. You think about telling him that it’s just because of what you saw and not tell him the real reason of your nightmares, but guilt has been already eating you away for not telling him and you wouldn’t be able to lie straight into his face. So you shake your head and your eyes meet his icy gaze again.

“I’m having… your nightmares.”

He looks confused, eyebrows knitted together as he is tasting your words, not entirely sure about what you meant by them, so you go into the details you’ve been keeping hidden from him.

“I can’t just take memories away and turn them into nothing, Bucky. Memories can only vanish if they get forgotten with time,” you start explaining, hoping you can paint the picture as realistic as possible. “When I changed your memories, I took parts away and… made them mine. And now I have to be the one to fight and forget them, but it happens faster for me than it would have happened to you,” you quickly add, as if it could make it any better.

“Why didn’t you tell me this is the cost of my recovery?” he snaps, clearly mad at you and he has every right, but you just wanted to save him. “I would have never let you do it if it meant you’d be the one to suffer for me, Y/N!”

“I had the chance to help you, I wanted to give you the freedom you deserve!” Tears are stinging your eyes as you stare at his harsh expression, the soft and joyful Bucky you’ve seen these past weeks is now gone.

“But it’s not worth it if you are being tortured by my memories now!”

“It was worth to me!” you snap back, a tear rolling down you cheek. “I might have been selfish for keeping you the details of what it would take to free you, but now you are the one who is being selfish, because you wouldn’t have let me help you if you knew and that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you! I chose to do it and I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew what it’s gonna cost.” More and more tears run down your heated cheeks, soaking your skin before they drop to your shirt or the sheets covering your lower half. Bucky stares back at you in disbelief as you reason about why you did it exactly. “You deserved this second chance and I was your only chance. If I didn’t do it for you, I would have had to live with the guilt forever that I let an innocent man suffer. It’s a small price for the happiness I was able to give you.”

Bucky is in total shock. He has had Steve do selfless shit for him plenty of times, hell, he wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him, but what you did is just above everything that’s been ever done for him and he is having a hard time accepting that anyone would put up with so much pain and suffering for him willingly. He can’t decide if he wants to scream and shout at you for being so stupid or if he wants to fall to his knees and glorify your name till the end of times.

When you realize that he won’t snap at you again, you carefully scoot closer until you can reach out and touch his face, but you don’t even try to read his thoughts. Not this time. You let his thoughts wrapped in the darkness of the unknown. Bucky melts against your touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a few moments.

“You shouldn’t have done this, Y/N.”

“But I did,” you breathe out with a bitter chuckle. “And it can’t be undone, so you better accept it.”

He cracks a tiny smile, but it quickly vanishes as a thought pops into his head.

“If you have the memories that made me into the Winter Soldier, how come you don’t get triggered by the words?”

“I might own your memories now, but there’s a natural bond with the original owner that can’t be taken. It’s what makes them so vivid and real for you, but it will never be as real to me. The trigger words have no power over me, because the memories are not mine, I don’t have the bond with them.”

“But you still have the nightmares. My nightmares,” he breathes out, a hint of disappointment ringing through his tone, though you’re not sure if it’s because of what you did or because he couldn’t stop you from it.

“They will go away,” you assure him, but you can tell that his guilt is eating him away. “Bucky, I’ll be fine. A few weeks, at max a month and they will be gone. I promise you.”

“You don’t deserve this,” he mumbles under his breath as his hand reaches for yours, squeezing it gently before he brings it to his lips and kisses your knuckles softly. “You don’t deserve any of it.”

“But you deserve happiness,” you reply with a chaste smile that makes his heart flutter in his chest. “Let me give it to you. You’ve had enough pain, Bucky. I’ll take the rest now.”

Bucky stares back at you for a long second before he decides to do whatever he can to make sure you get through it as easily as possible. Pulling the covers back he slides under them, lying down next to you as he pulls you into his embrace.

“Go back to sleep and if you’ll have another nightmare, I’ll be here to wake you up from it and get your mind off of it. You’re safe with me,” he murmurs, as you lay your head to his hard chest, his flesh arm curling around your frame while his vibranium fingers lace together with yours on his stomach. You don’t try to protest against him, you know he won’t leave and quite frankly, you don’t want him to. Knowing that if you go back to the darkness again he’ll be here to pull you out relaxes you, doesn’t let you worry about what kind of horrific scene you are going to be forced to see when you close your eyes next. You melt against him, inhaling his scent, listening to his steady heartbeat under your head as you let yourself go back to sleep, for the first time, ready to face whatever is waiting for you on the other side.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[hargrove-mayfields]

Everyone who knew Billy Hargrove had thought that even though he had only been in town for a short time, he wouldn’t be leaving without making his mark on Hawkins High when he graduated. He was their new top dog, their poster boy in all things social, athletic, and academic, so it only made sense he’d choose to go out with a bang.

Graduation is held outside on the football field, a first for the school because the senior class of ‘85 is made of up of too many kids to hold it in the gym like usual, which would theoretically give him the perfect opportunity to screw around and ruin the formal ceremony.

What nobody had expected though, was for him to be sitting up straight and attentive at graduation, his hair pulled up in a bun under his cap and his earring left at home, wearing a pair of dress shoes he couldn’t afford, with all kinds of pins and cords and even a valedictorians medal adorning his robes.

And nobody expected him to wait at the head of the stage as his full name, William Reuben Hargrove, was called, walking across in perfect time and doing every polite handshake, smiling at the teachers and administrators and getting his photo with his diploma in hand and a respectable smile on his face.

Because he was one of four valedictorians above two salutatorians, he wasn’t given the opportunity to read his own speech, but rather was chosen to read the graduates address. His reputation preceded him, and it was clear from the tension sparking the air that everyone, including the parents, expected him to pull something when called to the stage and given the microphone.

But he didn’t, he stood proud and read it off loud and clear, or at least recited it from memory that way, Max had to read it to him for weeks in practice because he couldn’t power through and read it, the text small and too close on the page it all jumbled together, stepping down from the stage when he was done instead adding any words of his own,

It’s like a collective sigh is let out when he sits back down, Nancy taking her turn up on the stage to read the closing remarks and turn the tassels, and just like that the ceremony passes by without a hitch.

Because even though all knew who they thought Billy was, they didn’t know about the man he had to be in front of Neil Hargrove, watching from the bleachers.

Instead, what his peers had all wanted was for Billy to walk to his own tune, slouching in his seat and picking at his nails when he wasn’t supposed to be paying attention, fumbling the fancy walk and keeping his hands stuffed in his pockets as a big F-U to the school and all it stood for, and they definitely expected him to show up in a crumpled suit and scuffed old shoes, his hair a mess under the cap, looking like his true ragamuffin self.

Only, Steve Harrington was the one to do all that.

The rumor mill would have it that Stevie boy got wasted the night before graduation and was barely powering through it on a hangover. Truth would argue however, that he had woken up that morning alone, so depressed that no one, including himself, gave a damn about the accomplishment he had fought so very hard for, that he didn’t care about doing this stupid ceremony nobody would see anyways the right way, the Harrington way.

So he didn’t show up to senior assembly or to any of practices, he didn’t earn any scholarships or awards anyways, and he felt he hardly deserved the passing grades he was most likely given by sympathetic teachers who knew him all too well from retaking failed classes for years. He didn’t really feel like there was anything to commemorate, so he showed up, but only for the piece of paper, and maybe a little bit to prove his father who said he’d never be able to do it wrong.

After the ceremony was finished, they turned the field over to families to take pictures with their graduates, and graduates to take pictures with each other. Billy got a handful taken of him and his family by the school's photographer and Susan’s camera too, and a decent couple of Polaroids with the real friends he’d actually made, Tommy and Carol and Heather.

There were no pictures taken of Steve on his big day. He’d gone straight to the auditorium and gotten his diploma for the folder they handed him on stage, then drove himself home before anybody could stop him and ask for one.

~~~~~~~~~

It happens again in June when grad party season hits.

Among the most anticipated invites was the one to Billy Hargrove’s graduation party. Everyone was sure he’d have a big house party for the seniors, he always brought the life to the party like Hawkins had never seen it, it only made sense he’d have his own.

But again, his peers are mistaken, because nobody gets an invite other than that same handful of friends, and they all get theirs, along with a tiny print of Billy's unrecognizably serious senior photos, in the mail just like the rest of the Hargroves’ extended family.

Because his party is a family affair, an open house from eleven in the morning to four in the afternoon at an outdoor pavilion in the state park, where he’s supposed to dress nice and greet every member of the family with the same practiced smile, regardless of if he even knew who they were, or if they could tell the difference between him and his cousins.

None of it felt like real family to him though, when not even his mother could be bothered to come despite the effort he went through to get her an invite, and him and Max both playing the role of perfect children so well they almost forgot the other was there.

So him and his friends just sit at a table in the corner between making his appearances with great aunts who he didn’t even know, acting like ordinary kids under the watchful eye of Neil Hargrove until it’s over and they get to pack up the green and yellow decorations bought to be recycled for Max’s party again in four years and count all the money he’d gotten in cards, which he was supposed to be saving for college.

Steve again is the one to meet those expectations they held for Billy, the fallen keg king maybe not as undeserving of the title as they had thought.

As it turns out, his parents hadn’t been paying enough attention to realize it was time already to celebrate him, and it was far too late to send out invites if he wanted to have it before it was socially unacceptable but their standards at least, too much of his family living in Italy anyways, so he just had his own party.

The sort of party where kids came for the liquor, uncaring about the host of the state of their house after they're done getting their kicks, as long as they have something to do and a chemical codependency to form.

A couple of kids do actually bring him generic cards as congratulations, without money in them of course because they knew who he was and where he live, but not that his parents were planning on cutting him off as soon as they could, but most everyone else just came to get hammered, basically celebrating their own graduation with Steve’s money.

He’s miserable. He gets just as drunk as anyone else and passes out halfway through the party, waking up to a trashed house and a few stragglers on his lawn. Definitely not the type of celebration one has for their child they’re so proud of, or even actually gives two shits about.

~~~~~~~

Another expectation shattered, was the rivalry between Billy and Steve. They were supposed to be bitter enemies, the ex king shown up and beaten by the one who’d go on to steal his spotlight, but while they were different, from their personas and from each other botg, they were very much the same, and they recognized that in each other.

After they had thanksgiving break to let the tension between them cool off, things moved quickly from making friends at a house party neither of them wanted to be at to making out in the back seats of the Camaro.

By June they’ve been going steady for a couple of months already, but even though they’re officially at boyfriends status, Billy doesn’t go to Steve’s party. It was the night before his own and he’s pretty sure Neil would’ve killed him if he had stumbled home wasted just a couple of hours before he was supposed to look nice and represent the family well. Steve told him he didn’t expect him to come to something like that anyways, knew the party scene was for the side of Billy everybody but Steve liked to see, so he doesn’t go.

Steve does end up showing at Billy’s though, not able to stay long because Billy was sure Neil would see them for what they were, even if another of the assumptions about him was that he and Heather were dating. So he just drops by with a card and his well wishes, pretending he was only there as a courtesy, being members of the same sports teams and all.

He slips the card in the box and gives Billy and Tommy a little, too cool for this, definitely ditching as soon as he can, wave, and that’s the end of it.

But what nobody knows, or could presume about them, is that Billy came back to his house that night, and they had their own little celebration, for the both of them. No parents who couldn’t be bothered or who controlled every last minor detail, no people there in the name of just family or just to have a good time.

Just Billy and Steve, the real them that nobody knew like one another did.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Petal

college!sebastian stan x reader

masterlist

Summary; Your boyfriend Sebastian has been spending much time studying, hardly sparing himself a break. Finally, he sees the pros of taking one

Warnings; smut, oral sex (male and female receiving), penetrative sex, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, fluff

divider by @firefly-graphics

Sebastian was to be home any minute, he had been prolifically stressed from his classes regarding his law certification, and you had decided to exhibit him a well deserved distraction that would surely take his wired brain off from the course that was practically running through his veins at this point.

It seemed that at every waking moment, he was doing something to aid his studies, and whilst that was great that he was so dedicated to passing for this insane qualification, he did need to take breaks here and there. He wasn't the only one suffering from his late nights, and his resurrection from slumber at the crack of dawn, no. You were too, you missed him, despite being in the same apartment and room as him for the majority of his spare time.

He acted as though he had no time to spare, but you were well acquainted with his schedule, especially by now. The only difference was, that he had no occupation for a moment to relax with you, or by himself. His showers took five minutes every morning and evening, it was as though he were rushing to clean himself so that he could proceed to go back to putting his nose in a book, or searching specifics online.

But tonight, you were going to cut him off. If he didn't endure a moment of mindlessness, then you were sure to go mad yourself. You were keening for his touch, all you had received in the past few weeks were chaste kisses on both your lips and forehead, as well as verbalised 'I love you's. Perhaps it was selfish, he was striving towards a great achievement in his life, and you wanted a little bit of attention, but you knew he was holding himself from any relief also.

From the minimal time that he spent under the cold stream of the showerhead, he didn't have enough time to rub one out, and there was no fear that you had of him seeing another woman. Sebastian was not like that at all, and you had the clarity of him being in the kitchen half the time, typing away on his laptop, as he ran over some old notes and updated them.

Currently, he was out, he was in his lecture. There was a span of fifteen minutes from the time that he would be on the walk home, and you knew that was exactly how long that took in your shared student apartment, because you too endured your studies. But once more, your own were pushed to the side as you speculated your appearance in the silver tapestry of your mirror.

Your hand steadied on your right hip as you posed in front of it, twisting your waist to find the most attractive angle for you in your new wear. The underwear was tight, and not to mention, completely sheer. It's see through nature made wearing it practically pointless, but considering his current frustrations, it was only fair to give something to rip off of you.

Truthfully, you had to admit, you looked damned good. There was no way he would choose studying law over ravishing your body, a spark jolted through your body as the door behind you opened, and with a seductive bite to your lip, you turned around, only to scream and cover your body with your hands, or at least to the best of your ability. "Holy fuck, don't you know how to knock?!"

"I didn't think I'd have to because your human dildo isn't here!" Anthony defended himself, having turned around, as the image of you, one of his best friends, practically in the nude, burned behind his eye balls. The fact that he had seen you made you feel sick, this was not how you had intended the afternoon to go.

"Is there a reason that you burst into my room looking for me Mackie?" The question was indeed one that you wanted to know the answer to, you still felt so exposed, although he was not looking at you. That was certainly something that you were going to avoid telling Seb, that would definitely be a big distraction from his work.

And of course, alongside that, he would have an intent to possibly murder your flat mate, and whilst Chris would be laughing at that, there would be a heavy hotness to your face, as you watched them immaturely battle. Anthony cleared his throat thoroughly, directing towards the face that he was about to speak.

"Definitely not to see you like that." Retorted the math major, shrugging the shiver off his shiver as the memory tormented him once more. "But... me and Chris were going to meet with Scarlett, Takia and Brie, we were going to see if you and Seabass wanted to join, but as I saw against my own will, you have something already planned for your dinner."

“Um yeah, no, we’ll pass. Thanks tho buddy.” Oh god, to say you felt awkward was an understatement. If you were wearing clothes, or at least more socially appropriate ones, you’d go to him and give him a typical punch on the shoulder. Though, if you were clothed more body wear, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Only things like this happened in college flats, that was one thing that could be confirmed.

“Okay then. Good to know...” Anthony closed the door and proceeded to enter the kitchen. He went grab himself an apple, and realised then that it was an unfortunate consequence, but he had lost his appetite. There had been nothing wrong with your appearance - nothing at all - but you were his flat mate and friend! And, you had a boyfriend, whom was also a great reference of social interaction for him.

The sound of keys interlocking with the outside of the door echoed through the kitchen, someone was outside, and he’d be write in assuming that it was Sebastian. Chris was presently occupied by scouring the internet for ways to surprise the girl he was currently hanging with, and honestly by that, Anthony was scared to enter his room.

It could have been anything that he was searching, but to his contrasting luck, the last resident of their flat entered, creases firm on his brow, from thinking too hard. Sebastian was mulling over the lecture that his professor had given his class. Remember to take a break every now and then. Maybe he was right, a break couldn't postpone him from graduating him that much, could it.

Perhaps he was putting it all off, because after receiving his degree, the four of you would have to find somewhere else to live, and a part of Seb was inclined to ask you individually to move in with him. A one bedroom apartment would be cheaper than one with three rooms, and atop of that, he wouldn't have to be cautious of minor things like walking around the flat in little to no clothing, or fucking you on the kitchen counter.

They were all coupley things that he had wishes to do, but because there were another two men residing with you and him, albeit them being your friends, he didn't allow you to do so in anything less than one of his shirts that cascaded down your thighs, so that if you weren't wearing panties, everything would be concealed. Anthony gulped, remembering he had seen you in your surprise for this man, and gosh, did he want to keep quiet about his accidental peek.

Sebastian wasn’t the jealous type, it was rather refreshing how he found that to be an unappealing trait, however, it would still not settle well that someone saw his girl, in a compromising choice of wear that was supposed to be for his eyes only. He would surely make it clear that you were his, and thus the fucking in the kitchen that he dreamt about would be more than likely to unfold, as he rammed you against the cupboards, caring not if guests were due.

“Hey.” It was a breath of fresh air to speak to someone who was not on his course, it was as though he had become estranged from the people closest to him during this part of the term. Thus a striking pang of guilt landed in his chest as he wondered how you must have felt. He hadn’t touched you in any intimate sense in weeks, it certainly felt like years.

That truth gave him no pride, he dropped his items on the counter, planning on returning to them after he had tended to greeting you. A long kiss sounded nice, strung by a chord of untwined tongues that groomed the insides of your mouth, as you reciprocated. If he was very generous to himself, he’d perhaps lay down for a moment, and allow his pianist hands to wander for more than a moment, stroking them up and down your thighs, until he gave supple attention to your sweet delicacy, dipping down to kiss it and run his fingers over the beautiful gates that only he was allowed to surpass through.

Anthony muffled a reply to him, before shuffling out the room, casting him a weird side eye, but Sebastian thought little of it as his mind was preoccupied with something other than his studies. Oh, and how he didn't mind. The mental image of your nude portrait blessing his eyes was enough motivation to have him striding at a fast, yet considerable pace, towards the door to your shared bedroom.

He knew you must have been inside, he saw your lanyard hanging on the coat rack, that was literally a makeshift piece of wood that you had drunkenly returned with one night, along with a very much intoxicated Paul Rudd. There had been construction nearby, and you thought that it was possible to turned the sharp edged plank with nails sticking out as a bedframe. Least to say, Sebastian did not allow that to happen, knowing that one morning, you would end up spiking your scalp against one of the rusted nails.

People had gotten hurt by it from where it was already, there was that time that Tessa had tried to lean on it for a photo, that in retrospect was an applicant towards your photography course, but that didn't end well, you were pretty sure there was still a streak of her blood stained into one side. That may have been why Chris had turned its weight around after that. However, none of you had the money to spare to invest in a real rack, so for now it stayed.

It sure as hell wasn't coming with you guys when you moved out, that was one thing that Sebastian was going to ensure. If Anthony wanted it, then so be it, if all went to plan, the pair of you wouldn't be living with the lovable goof when the time came. Turning the knob to the room, Sebastian heard a gasp, and thus after he shut it, he saw you wrapped up in your robe, your head cocked to the side as you seductively tried to settle on your small double bed.

"You made me jump Sebba." No, he could tell that you had been taking a short nap, as though you had wanted to forget some details from your day. And that you did, and you hoped that Anthony did as well. "Have you got much work to do bubs?" You raised yourself on your elbows and shuffled towards him as he came to sit on the side of the mattress.

"Think I'm going to take a short hiatus from it for a few hours." Now that certainly sounded pleasant, you hummed at his words, stroking his shoulder, as you pressed a kiss to his hand that moved cup your cheek. "Have I been neglecting my little petal?" It was a name he used whenever he was seeking forgiveness, but this time, you shook your head, frowning, as you settled a small smile on your face.

"You've been understandably busy, I get that. I'm not going to go as far as to use that word babes, you've just had a little time to yourself and your schoolwork, and that is fine." He tapped your chin, cocking his head to the side, inviting you to straddle his lap. You'd have been stupid if you refused after all the time that you had spent mentally apart from him, so without another hint, you clambered over his thighs, a giddy expression corrupting your face.

"This is why I love you. So open minded, and not to mention, that mind of yours has had me doing some thinking." Nodding in a current to prompt him to continue, his hands eased their lodging onto your bare thighs, stroking the skin with large soothing swipes, making any hair on your body stand on edge, as he averted his eyesight to the split of your gown that crisscrossed around your chest. It wasn't a sexual focus however, it was more so as though he feared a rejection of one kind.

"Hope you're not gonna propose us having a kid or something, because now is certainly not the time." At your humour, he sincerely laughed, causing a calm to wash over you and him, as he finally looked you in the face. “Unless you mean buying a plant, our last one died, and now you use the old pot to stub out your blunts." You could see the improvisational container as you turned your head to the side, seeing its white exterior be a gradient of light to shielded grey.

"I want you to move in with me." Sebastian responded straightly, bracing his slightly nervous palms to the divot of your waist, as he grasped the skin below your ribs, swirling the pads of his thumbs across your skin, caressing each nimble pore on that part of your body. His breath captured the side of your neck, as he licked a sweet line across a vein that he specifically picked out using his

"We already live together silly. Unless we're gonna move to mars." As you spoke, your brows optimistically raised, as your forearms found a home around the back of his neck, as you pressed tentative kisses to his clean jaw. A series of giggles evicted from you as you darted your tongue out to taste his sharp skin, your hand slipping down to control his own, trailing his touch beneath your gown so that the tips of his fingers were brushing the mesh of your underwear that was poised in a curve upon your hipbone.

"As much as the space nerd in me would love that, and not to mention you would make one foxy astronaut, I meant, after this, and here, we find a place for just you and me. I get if you don’t-“ you pressed your left forefinger to his lips, humming with a smile as he shared a gentle kiss upon your skin. He took the digit into his mouth, sucking the skin and swirling his tongue around the crescent of your nail.

“That sounds... perfect.” Ushering your finger from out past his lips, and the barrier of his nipping teeth, you languidly stroked his bottom lip, spreading the small extent of saliva that had coated your finger. “I’m so happy you’re taking a break Sebba, you deserve it. There’s something I want to show you baby, I know you’re going to like it.”

“Is it under this robe by any chance?” Obliging his answer with a supporting action, you allowed his hands to remain beneath the sleek material, as you untied the thick strand that tied the two sides together around your body. Pushing the dark silk from your shoulders, you revealed the design of petals that prompted through the thin material of your undergarments, everything exposed through the sultry and intimate pieces.

“Do you like it?” You seemed to have forgotten about Anthony seeing you in the internal wear, and from Sebastian’s honed gazing at your full breasts, your nipples sternly grew hard, telling him without need for word that he was silently turning you on. A sigh escaped from him, as he plucked at the seam of your panties, tugging lightly at the side to drag the material up your slit, grasping a light moan from your intimately affected lungs.

“My lovely petal, like is an understatement. You do all this for me, I don’t think I’m going to know how much this was, especially where we’re supposed to be budgeting.” Seb quirked his unbrushed brow, pressing his lips against the column of your throat, intaking the smell and pungent taste of your floral perfume. “But I’m not going to complain, because seeing you like this is certainly worth a fine penny. Is it ungrateful for me to want it off of you though?”

“Wait.” You instructed him, pressing your tongue into the divot of his chin, swiping a line of saliva through the bone structure. “I think we should get my money’s worth. First, I want to get my fill of your appreciation, and then maybe, maybe then I’ll allow you to discard piece by piece from my skin.” Your dominant hand pressed against his growing bulge as a you slid off his lap, running your nose along his thighs, as you fiddled with the purchase of his jeans, him helping you tug the denim off, and down his thick thighs.

“You’re so good to me.” He leaned back, curling his fists into the sheets, as he watched you enduringly pat him over his boxers, drawing a spot of precum to seep out onto the white cotton. “My beautiful petal, hungry for my cock, you want it, don’t you? Want to suck my hard cock, practically starving for it, ain’t ya?” Profusely nodding, you drooled as he twitched, and pushed down his underwear, revealing his uncut, and growing cock.

“Holy shit.” Escaped you as a breathy conjunction of two words, your palm reaching out to rotate his foreskin in your hand, pushing the layer back gently to reveal his hidden slit. Your tongue darted out over the flushed head, suckling on the sensitive portion, spoiling yourself with the salty taste of his aroused skin. “You have such a pretty cock baby.” Pressing a kiss along the length, you dragged your tongue up his shaft, before returning to the tip, swallowing down his cock in your throat.

“Fuck.” Your boyfriend revelled in the pleasure, one of his hands capturing your hair in its hold, running his fingers through your locks as you bobbed your head. Gargled sounds choked out from your easing throat, as you continued your administrations, making Seb squeeze his eyes shut, as he endured the pleasure that you pledged him with. “Baby...”

You moaned around his cock, your glazed irises peeking up at him, before pulling off, a strand of saliva connecting you to his hung length. “Say it.” Was his demand as his hand pressed the cheeks of your face together, forcing your lips into an exaggerated pout. It was a notion of past experiences that reminded you of what he was speaking of, you blinked your lashes innocently towards him, steadily breathing through your nose as he patiently awaited for you to carry out his order.

“I’m your cockslut.” You mumbled out, spit pooling out of your mouth and rolling down the cleavage of your lips, descending onto your chin, and slipping to be a river down your chest, playing hide and seek in the cups of your sheer bra. “Love your fat cock, and your large balls, and the way your mouth exhibits complete bliss over my pussy.” He tilted your head to the side, as he leaned down, his spare hand reaching behind you to remove your bra, leaving it hanging loosely off from your shoulders.

“How about I eat your cunt, huh? You’d like that, wouldn’t you petal?” A whine slipped from your lips as you shouldered off the floral laced bra, discarding it on the bedroom floor, as you waded your legs about so that you could do the same with the slim lined panties. “Come on then, get up on the bed pretty girl, let me at that pussy.” Doing as he said, you clambered onto the mattress, your front against the sheets as you tried to position yourself. A slap rumbled off your ass cheek, as Sebastian struck down on the globe of fat, straggling a surprised moan from your lips.

It seemed like he wanted you to remain on your stomach, and so you did as he breathed a swab of cool air upon your clenching lips, swiping his tongue from your heavy clit to your soaking entrance. “Sebs, do something, please.” You collapsed your face into the bed, wiggling your ass towards his face, earning yourself another spank to your behind. It stung, but it was a hot heat that granted you a minor bit of relief; it was certainly better than nothing.

And then, his tongue probed at your entrance, test tasting your cunt as his muscle flicked deliriously over your clit, his forefinger prying at your slit, and slipping without struggle inside of your walls, evoking a withering moan to collapse out from your chest. Another digit slunk through your folds, filling your further, as his pace increased, his mouth surrounding your clit, and rolling the bud around with his instigating tongue. “Petal, pass me the lube.”

With a light head, you blindly reached your hand across to on top of his bedside table, locating the bottle with your fiddling hands, tossing it back towards him. A thump indicates that it did not land on the mattress as planned, instead the container of lubricant hit him in the forehead. A frown covered his face as he shook his head, removing his fingers from your folds, as he grasped the bottle, splurging some of the clear and slippery liquid onto his fingertips.

Seb spread it around his fingers, rubbing it onto his skin, as he applied a little onto your tight hole, prying at your puckered entrance with his lubricated digits. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You gently rubbed your face against the sheets as Sebastian entered his fingers into your ass, quickly thrusting them in and out of you. “Feels so good Sebby, shit.” He continued his administrations with a clenched wrist, evicting pleasure upon you as you practically sobbed onto your shared bed. “No, no-“

He removed his fingers, as well as his own shirt that was still covering his chest. Seb clambered off the bed for a moment, locating a condom, as he gave his cock a couple of jerks, rolling the avast protection onto his length, as he positioned himself on his knees behind you. He entered you swiftly, returning his fingers back into your tighter hole, as he began to thrust into both of your entrances. Sounds of pleasure were compelled out from your lungs, as you half screamed his name; there were tears collecting in the corners of your eyes as you endured wafts pleasure from both intimate angles.

He curled his fingers within you, picking up his pace as his hips profusely clashed against your own. He was chasing a high, whilst simultaneously reducing you to nothing but a racer to your own. “So fucking tight; in both holes.” His teeth clenched as he moaned at the sensation of your walls clenching harshly around him, as he filled the condom with his white and warm seed. He remained inside of you as he brought one hand down to your cunt, playing with your clit, as he sternly thrusted his fingers into your ass.

It didn’t take long for you to reach your peak, cumming around his softened cock, and mewling into your own wrist. Sebastian extracted his tender cock from within you, also removing his fingers, as he swiped off the condom, tying to open side so that no cum would spill out, and then discarding it in the bin. “Shit, I was wanting some attention from you, but I didn’t know I was going to get that.” You laughed lightly, feeling a little hazy and drunk from your numbing orgasm.

In turn, your boyfriend laughed too, grabbing his shirt from off the ground, and lightly pulling you up, helping you into the baggy material. He pressed a sweet kiss upon your forehead as he rolled to be laid beside you, bringing your sweaty body into his matching side, watching through appeased lids at how you curled yourself into him. “I love you darling.”

“I love you too Seb.” You replied, pressing a kiss to his soft nipple, as his arms locked adoringly around you. “And I’m so proud of you for putting your all into your course.” Your nails stroked down his stomach, as the two of you laid upon the sheets, rather than underneath them.

“Of course I would, it’s for our future in the long term of things.” He stated, brushing any loose strands of hair out from your face. “But I guess it’s okay to take a break sometimes. And that, well that was certainly worth the time away from studying, it always is with you.”

[navalcriminalimagines]

“Hi ma’am. Uh—I’m looking for Jethro Gibbs?” The 15 years old boy asked to Ellie Bishop. Who’s that kid? She’s never seen him before, or heard her boss talked about a teenager. And she doesn’t recall how it could be link to any case.

“You are?” She asked, intrigued.

“It’s—personal,” the teenager said. Now, she’s even more intrigued. If he had blue eyes, she’d have asked herself if he shared DNA with her boss.

“I’m gonna call him but I just need your name,” she said, grabbing her phone.

“Harry! What are you doing here, bud?” Gibbs approached the teenager and Harry immediately ran into his arms. Gibbs hugged him tight.

“Can I stay with you today?”

“I—“ Gibbs wanted to tell him that he was working. But he was the sad eyes on Harry’s face. The kid has been though a lot lately, he can’t tell him no. “Let him call your mum, okay?”

Gibbs stood aside the bullpen while he called you, Harry was right next to him and the rest of the team came back. Tony and McGee stood next to Ellie, following where her eyes were watching. “Who’s that kid?” Tony asked first.

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Bishop answered.

While on the phone, they saw their boss smiling. A real smile. And then he put his hands in Harry’s curly hair.

“Does Gibbs has a kid we don’t know about?” Tim asked.

“He has green eyes,” Bishop stated.

“So? Do I look like my father?” Tony said, without thinking. Tim and Ellie turned their heads to look at their coworker. “Yeah, bad example, but you get the point.”

Right after Tony’s sentence, Gibbs hang up. The three agents pretended to be occupied at their own desk. Their boss had his arm around Harry’s shoulders as they came back to the bullpen. “Harry is going to be our honorary agent for the day. This is Tim, Tony and Ellie,”

“Hi,” Harry shyly waved at them.

“Hello Honorary agent Harry,” Tony stood up to check the teenager’s hand. “And he is?” Tony asked his boss.

“None of your business,” Gibbs simply answered. Tony growled, unhappy about not having an answer. “Update,”

While the team updated Gibbs on the case and what they found, Harry stayed really close to the boss. Gibbs always had a protective and special warmth towards kids and teenagers, but there was something special there. Tony promised himself to find what was the relationship there, by the end of the day.

Abby knew Gibbs would entered her lab any minute, but he never expected him to come in with a very young special agent. “Abby, Harry. Harry, Abby. Lab tech,” Gibbs said, and both Harry and Abby waved at each other. “What you got, Abs?”

“Many questions,” she said, looking at the teenager’s green eyes.

“Unhappy look,” Harry whispered to her, looking at Gibbs that was standing right behind her, waiting for her report.

“We call it the Gibbs stare, here,” she quickly said, before telling her boss what we wanted to know.

Harry was impressed. We knew things about Gibbs’ job, just like he knows what yours, since you’re a cop too. But what Abby is doing is very impressive to him, he would love to her multiple questions. “Can I stay with her?” Harry asked Gibbs, as they were about to leave the lab.

Jethro definitely hates how weak he can be with Harry. “Okay but a few rules,�� Abby and Harry listened carefully, “First, Abby, do not interrogate him. And do not show him weird things his mother can be mad about. And you, bud,” Gibbs took a few steps closer to Harry, “enjoy your day, okay? I’ll come get you for lunch,” Gibbs kissed Harry’s forehead and left.

Abby didn’t waste any time, “Okay, bud,”

“Nope. Only Jethro calls me that. I hate it, but it’s an habit now,”

“Fine. Who are you to my boss?”

“Stepson, I guess. I think?—I’m not sure. Jethro and mum has—“ Harry stopped in the middle on the sentence and turned around. “God, I thought he was standing behind,” he said.

“Does he do that outside of work, too?” Abby asked, super exciting about knowing personal things.

“Yeah, it’s like he has a detector every time we say his name,”

“Today’s going to be so fun!”

Harry has never been into sciences at school, he’s more into languages and literature, just like his father. But Abby Sciuto made it so fun that his curiosity was exploding. Pretty much like the experience he was doing. “What did I do wrong?” Harry said, frustrated about failing.

“You took this,” Abby said, showing a product, “instead of that,” she showed another product.

“Damn!” Harry said. And of course, Gibbs has entered the lab at the very same moment. He extended his hand to his stepson, “do we have to do it even when Joe’s not around?” Harry complained. “I’m not a kid anymore,”

“Fine, but don’t tell your mother. And—what happened here? A tornado?” Gibbs asked, looking at the mess.

“I’m definitely not good at sciences,”

“You just need a good teacher, sweetie,” Abby said. “You can come around when you need help, if your—stepdad is okay,” Abby grinned at Gibbs, happy to know that info.

“What happened in that lab—better stay in that lab,” Gibbs said, “Hungry, bud?”

Gibbs and Harry went to the diner for lunch. “Text your mum, Harry. She’s worried,”

“Dad broke up with Lindsay. He wants me to come back and live with him again,”

“Is that what you want?”

“No—yes—maybe. I don’t know,”

“Hey, whatever you want to do, your parents will agree to it. All they want is for you to be happy, wherever you are,”

“Even if it’s in Australia?” Gibbs looked at Harry, confused. Last he knew, your ex husband is living in California. “Dad had a job offer in Sydney, he said yes. And he’s leaving next month,”

“If you want to go with him, do it,”

“How would you feel about it, J?”

“It doesn’t mat—“

“It matters to me. You’ve been in my life for almost ten years now. At some points, you were more a dad to me than Dad was. And you’re my baby brother’s father. I care about you, and I care about what you think,”

This is typically what Gibbs doesn’t like. He hates that kind of conversation, he hates to let people know how he feels and what he thinks. But if someone deserves to know a little about it, it’s definitely Harry.

“For me, there’s no difference between you and your brother— Family’s more than DNA. It’s about people who care and take care of each other.”

“Stop with those sentences all made up! Tell me how you’d feel if I move to Australia,”

Gibbs chuckled. The shy little boy he met 8 years ago was now becoming a confident young man. “I’ll miss you, okay? Just like I missed when you left for California! Are you happy now?”

“No! I’ll be happy when you and mum stop acting like children, and finally give Joe a stable family,”

“Your mum and I are dysfunctional, but we work that way. Did Joe tell you something?”

“He’s 5 and he wants what any other 5 years old want; he wants to live with his mother and his father, 24/7. In the same household,”

“With his big brother too, right?”

“Yes, but that’s not the point,”

After a blank during which Gibbs intensely stared at Harry, “I didn’t see you grow up. I’m proud of the young man you’re becoming,”

Harry smiled, “Say it,”

“What?” Gibbs asked, his mouth full of his burger.

“You know it! Say it,”

“Nope,”

“Why? Why is it so hard?” Harry paused. “Look— it can be easy when it’s true. I love you, dad.”

Harry called Gibbs “dad” occasionally. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. Jethro remembered the first time he heard it from him and the first Joe said it. He felt the same for both. That’s how he knew there was so difference between his real son and his stepson. They are both his sons.

“I love you,” Gibbs mumbled, with French fries in his mouth.

“Didn’t understand. What did you say?”

Gibbs swallowed. “I love you, son! Okay? You happy? Can I eat in silence now?”

“Yes, you can,” Harry proudly smiled.

In the afternoon, Harry stayed with Gibbs until the agent had no choice but to go on a run for the case. Gibbs let his stepson with Ducky. The doc showed Harry around, avoiding the autopsy and corpses obviously. By the end of the day, Ducky and Harry were playing chess at Gibbs’ desk, waiting for everyone to come back. But when they heard the elevator opening, here you were, with Joe in your arms. The little boy got down and ran to his brother as soon as he saw him. You hugged your son tight. “How are you, baby?” You asked.

“I’m good mum,” he smiled and kissed you on the cheek. “I’m beating Ducky,”

“Not yet, young man,” Ducky stood and hugged you. “How’s my favorite Gibbs?” He asked to Joe, who was holding onto his brother like a koala bear.

“Say hi to Ducky, sweetheart,” you told your youngest son and the little boy waved at the doc. Ducky and Harry sat back in their chairs, Joe was still holding Harry and you sat on Jethro’s desk.

“Where’s J?” You asked.

“Followed a lead, he should be back soon,”

The four of you stayed together, talking about everything and nothing until the elevator opened again. This time, it was Gibbs with his team. As soon as Joe saw his dad, he jumped from his brother’s lap and ran into Gibbs’ arm. “Hey baby,”

Tony, Tim and Ellie were more confused than they were hours ago when they met Harry. Ducky couldn’t help but smiling big. Before anyone could say anything, Abby appeared with Jimmy in the bullpen. The entire team was there. “How’d it go?” She asked.

The team explained that it led to nowhere, and they had to go back to the beginning on that case. While they did that, Jethro stole you a quick kiss, and he whispered something in Harry’s ears. “Checkmate!” Your son told Ducky as he made his final move.

“That’s cheating,” Ducky said.

“Nope. Dad and I share one brain,”

When the word “dad” was heard in the bullpen, everyone stopped talking and turned like one man towards Gibbs and you. Your boyfriend laughed, and moved Joe on his back, “Hang on Monkey!” He said.

“Can we go to McDonald’s?” The little boy asked.

“Nope,” “yes!” Gibbs and you answered at the same time. Jethro looked at you, but you were looking at Harry with a smile. “Boys!” You said.

In a second, Joe was tickling his father in the neck, and Harry was searching for his car keys while you were holding his arms. When your oldest found the keys, he handed them to you and the three of you ran to the elevator. “Team work!” You high five the boys.

Gibbs’ team was looking at him, more confused than they have never been in their life. Their boss laughed and walked towards the elevator and his family, “Good night everyone!”

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Verboten - Chapter Twenty Five.

It’s back! Sorry for the short break but I needed to get ahead. Almost at the end now though, guys. Another 2-3 chapters after this will likely see it to the close. 

Previous chapters - One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve  Thirteen  Fourteen  Fifteen  Sixteen  Seventeen  Eighteen  Nineteen  Twenty  Twenty One  Twenty Two  Twenty Three  Twenty Four

Visuals - The Verboten cast of characters post

Words - 2,368

Warnings - None

Tag list - In the comments! To be added/removed, please DM me :)

“Keep calm, breathe deep. This is Tyler, Mr Brush with Death and always lives to tell the tale. He’s harder than a coffin nail. He’ll pull through this.”

Paris’s words should have been a comfort, but Zoey’s mind was in freefalling turmoil, nothing sticking, nothing assisting in pacifying her. “I don’t even know where he’s been shot, or how many times!”

“It can’t have been anywhere really dicey, because of his vest, of course.”

“He’s still in surgery, though! And has been for hours, more than likely, if he was shot at 2pm this afternoon!”

“Okay, calm down, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! I’m sorry to shout but it isn’t! And she didn’t fucking tell me!”  

It was all Paris could do to keep her relatively calm during the journey, groaning internally when they pulled up at the emergency entrance to see Ella outside on the phone. Zoey had exited the Uber before she could even tell her to keep calm, striding over to her sister and recoiling her fist just as Ella hung up, turning to meet a punch straight in the face from her irate younger sibling.  

“You absolute bitch, Ella! Tyler gets shot and you don’t even think to drop our feud for five minutes and do the decent thing in telling me?” she screamed, shoving her so hard, Ella tripped and fell back on her bum.  

“He’s my husband still. I was the one who needed to know first and be here, for his kids,” Ella stated, Zoey hardly able to believe her ears.

“Other than finding a gentle way to tell them their daddy got hurt at work, you having his children does not fucking supersede you in any goddamned way! He’s my fucking boyfriend! I’m the one who should have been here for the last six hours, not you! What if something had happened to him, what if he’d have died and I hadn’t been here? I know I deserved you to be stone cold towards me after what we did, but in a life-or-death situation? You’re the one in the wrong here, Ella!”

Getting up off the floor, she went to speak, being cut off by Paris.  

“Don’t give me the big eyes, Ella. I agree with her. And believe me, up to this point, I’ve been quick to tell her how wrong she’s been. This time, though? You deserved every word. In fact, the only thing she did wrong was to not punch you even harder than she did.” She spat, steering Zoey inside the hospital, giving Ella a look of pure distain as she held her eye, frowning.  

She was still reeling with anger after approaching the desk, asking the nurse for an update.  

“I’m sorry, but we can only give that information to Mrs Rake, being his emergency contact,” she explained, shaking her head.  

“You see, the thing is, my friend here is his girlfriend. He and his wife are separated and in the process of divorcing. Miss Hudson should be the one given that information,” Paris interjected with, being met by further head shaking.

“I apologise, but I can’t unless I hear differently from Mr Rake himself.”  

The finality of her words indicated she wasn’t to be swayed, Zoey taking a seat and waiting. She had to hope that despite just near knocking her sister out, she’d share any news over Tyler’s condition with her, or that she might be able to get something out of Pete if he happened to be passing and of course, knew anything more other than the fact Tyler had been admitted.  

“Who’s that woman sitting with Ella?” Paris asked, Zoey watching her sister, her face bright red in the wake of her knuckles meeting it at speed, sitting down next to a short blonde with one of those angular bob haircuts, significantly longer at the front and a look Zoey had always wanted to try, but feared wouldn’t suit her.  

“I vaguely recognise her, but I can’t think where from. To be honest, I don’t care. I just want to know my honey is okay.” Paris nodded, wrapping her arms around her, shooting Ella another glare.‘The fucking audacity of her. He could have been dead for hours and what, she still wouldn’t have told Zoey? Arsehole.’ Her thoughts remained firmly gunning for her best friend’s sister, but outwardly Paris let Zoey lean on her all she needed, literally and figuratively, keeping her fury to herself.  

She did, however, keep an ear pointed in their direction.

“You’ve only yourself to blame. No matter about the affair, or your hurt feelings, this was life and death. She needed to know,” the blonde woman spoke quietly, emphasising her words by touching Ella’s arm at several points.  

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Ella, we’ve spoken about this, your propensity to be self-righteous and not see things from the viewpoint of another.”  

“I suppose you’re right. I should have told her.”

“Taking the correct accountability, that’s good, really good.”

“I still don’t wanna talk to her, though.”

“Well, that we can work on.”

‘She sounds like her bloody therapist. Maybe she truly is seeing one after all. Perhaps she was in the middle of a session when she found out about Tyler. Seems odd that she’d be here with a patient after six hours, though.’

They waited for a further hour before a nurse came to speak with Ella, her friend advising her to go and fill Zoey in, but Ella remaining in the seat. With an eye roll, she got up, striding over. It was then that Zoey recognised her.  

“Hi, Zoey. Do you remember me?”

“Yeah, I do. Hi, Camile.” She and Ella had been friends in school, but had lost touch. It seemed they’d reacquainted again.  

“Since your sister is being her usual obstinate self, I thought I’d come and let you know that Tyler came through surgery well and he’s in recovery. He was shot once in the thigh and twice in the opposite shoulder, one of the bullets grazing an artery, hence why he’s spent so long in surgery, so they could fix that. I dunno if you’ve seen but two out of the three shooters are dead. The third was arrested. Anyway, I just thought I’d keep you posted.”  

With a nod and a smile, she turned and went back to Ella, Zoey being able to just about hear her sister vent about loyalty. “Ells, she’s still your bloody sister, and right or wrong, Tyler is hers now. It’s really only her who should be here and going in to see him.” Ella remained silent, Camile sighing and giving her thigh a little supportive squeeze, as if to remind her that although her actions were pissing her off, she was still her friend and there for her.

Just then, Zoey had her attention distracted by a text coming through on her phone.  

‘Look up and to your right, then follow me. Sorry for being clandestine!’

Looking up, she saw Pete hovering around across the other side of the vast lobby by the stairwell doors, heading through them once he was sure he’d seen her.  

“Hey, sorry but I didn’t want a big scene with Ella. Tyler’s come round alright, little bit woozy still, but he was competent enough to say he wanted to see you and not to let Ella in after I told him she hadn’t let you know. Again, no one wants a scene in a hospital, so one of my colleagues will be going to let her know she’s no longer his in case of emergency contact. I’ve updated his file with your details. Come on, let me take you to him.”

Heading down a floor, they walked along a huge corridor, the sounds of machines beeping and announcements being called, Zoey’s heart racing a little with nerves. Turning right, they reached the room he was in, Tyler smiling at her from beneath his oxygen mask.  

“Stop this, tiny. No tears, I’m alright. Hurts a bit, but Pete’s a good bloke, he’s got me shot up on all different types of painkillers,” he croaked, Zoey grasping his hand and sniffing as she began to sob.  

“You could have died!”

“And because of my ex, you wouldn’t have known if I had. I’m fucking livid with her. I didn’t though, Zo, it’s alright. Come here, gimmie a kiss.” Moving his mask, he beamed at her, looking moderately less like he hadn’t been through hell in that moment, Zoey planting the kiss he sought upon his lips, relieved beyond measure that he was okay. “I’m fine, don’t cry, baby.”  

Reaching for her as well as he could, he stroked her face, nuzzling her, whispering how much he loved her, Pete discreetly working around them, checking Tyler’s stats. “Don’t be pissed off at Ella too much. She got what she deserved for not telling me.”

“She hasn’t, because I’ll go mad at her once I’m better.”

“No, baby, leave it. She did, because I just punched her in the face.”  

“You didn’t!”

“I did.”

“Okay, let’s keep things calm and steady, your pulse is starting to escalate.” Pete intervened with, although he was trying hard not to laugh.

“It’s because I’m entertained by little mouse here punching someone! Come on, mate, you’ve gotta admit that’s funny!”

“It is, but mate, you just got shot three times and came out of a five-hour surgery, you need to rest. By that end, Zo, you’ve got just under twenty minutes and then visiting time is over. I’ll come back for you then.”  

Only Tyler could go through all of that and still laugh weakly through his oxygen mask at the thought of it, his usually timid girlfriend slugging his ex. For the rest of her visit, she just sat and soothed him, Pete coming back in briefly after she alerted him when his pain started to spike more than he could manage on his current dose, Tyler drifting in and out of slumber thereafter.  

Kissing his head, she promised to go and visit him as soon as she was done at work the following afternoon.  

“Zo?”

“Yes?”

“When you come back, can I get a blowjob?” He mumbled, Pete snorting with laughter, Zoey shaking her head.  

“Only you could get shot three times and still have sex on the brain.”

“I have a standard I need to uphold. See you tomorrow. Love you.”

Exchanging a few more kisses, they said their goodbyes and she went upstairs to find Paris, feeling much calmer than she did upon her arrival. Still though, after arriving home, she couldn’t get to sleep easily, all the thoughts of what could have been flooding her brain. Zoey found as the days passed and she witnessed Tyler slowly begin to get stronger, they lessened again, though. A truly welcome relief.  

“I can’t believe they have you doing physio already!” She exclaimed, on the phone to him on her lunch break a week later.  

“Yeah, they’ve got to get me up and walking. My leg was good, but they’re concerned about my left-hand grip. I’m sitting here now with a squash ball, trying to squeeze it as tight as possible. My bloody arm keeps trembling though, so they might have to cut me open again, they said they’ll see how it goes.”  

She hated the thought of him needing more surgery, but if he was to return to work with full use of both arms, which in his profession he definitely needed, especially handling firearms, if it needed to be done then there was no question he had to go back under the knife.  

Telling him she’d see him that evening, she hung up and continued to enjoy her lunch of Pho from the comfort of her office, the air conditioning blasting on cool. It was a particularly warm summer. She was just enjoying the spice of a piece of chili ground up between her teeth when her phone rang again. Usually, she’d have been irritated, but those chimes...

“Answer the damn phone, you fancy bogan!”

Fran.

“Hey, hey you. God, I don’t know what to say, since I haven’t spoken to you in so long and last time, I was such an arsehole,” she began, Zoey thinking that much was true, no matter how deserved. “I wanted to call up and tell you I’m sorry, see how Tyler is, all that. I’m real flippin’ pissed off at Ella for not telling you in the first place, that wasn’t right at all.”

No one sided with Ella there, it seemed. It felt immature, but such gave Zoey a little shot of triumph, to have her feelings vindicated like that.

“He’s doing well. They’re not happy for him to leave just yet, the shoulder wound is something they’re monitoring closely. They’ve got him doing physio though and he’s coming along well. He can walk, his leg is good but his left grip isn’t right.”

“And how are you?”  

“I’ve been worried, obviously. How about you?”

“Ahhh, fuck, Zo! This isn’t about me! I chose sides and I shouldn’t have, really I shouldn’t. I won’t make that mistake again. I’m still speaking to Ella but I did tell her it was wrong not to call you. I just want to try and put the family back together, so I guess that means taking a step and reaching out to heal our rift. I know it’ll take a lot more work to get you and Ella speaking again, especially now because of this.”  

Zoey snorted, chewing through a slice of pork. “I’ll say. I’m not finished being mad at her yet, but when I am, I would like to work on things, try and get some kind of relationship back with her. Despite everything, I still love her. I have a lot of my own wrongs to right with her as well, I’m not just conveniently forgetting that it was my actions which caused the rift in the first place. I need to give Tyler my full concentration right now, though.”

Fran understood, the sisters making plans to meet for lunch the following day, Zoey very much looking forward to it. Finally, something had fallen back into place.

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Hayloft (p.2)

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Abuse, drunkenness, misogyny, reader’s mother is dead, decapitating a chicken, reader is kind of emotional in this chapter

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: My first slow(er) burn fic! Let me know what you think!

Part 1 

_____________________

Work had passed fairly quickly as it always did when you had the opening shift. It sure sucked having to arrive at five o’clock in the morning but at least you got off earlier and you knew that that way you could grab groceries before your father got home and could yell at you about an empty kitchen again. By two o’clock in the afternoon, you were home again, hopping out of your truck and grabbing as many bags as you could in one go. 

The loud sound of metal slamming against metal shook you and you flinched, looking between your door and the frame to see Arvin walking out towards you. It hadn’t occurred to you that his car was even in your driveway. After so many years of having busted broken down old cars sitting there that your dad had been swearing he’d fix for almost ten years, cars in the driveway seemed normal. “Let me give you a hand,” he offered as he got closer, lifting the canvas bags from your hands before you could object. 

“Oh!” You exclaimed as you felt the weight suddenly taken off your own arms, “Thank you.” You dove back into the truck to grab the last two bags before slamming it shut with your hips. The two of you began your stroll towards the front door, the dirt driveway kicking up around your feet. “You’re back early.” You noted, looking over at Arvin. 

He shrugged, “Yeah, uh, Wallace had me on the early shift today.” 

You fumbled with the bags as you tried to unlock the door, kicking it open with your toes when it finally gave in. You walked into your home and Arvin followed, closing the door behind him. “Been here long? I didn’t see you in the driveway.” 

“Not too long. I just didn’t want to let myself into your home without nobody there.” Arvin set the bags on the counter next to where you set yours. 

You began to unpack the bags and put the groceries in the respective places. Arvin watched off to the side, unsure of how your kitchen was organized so he was worried he’d do more than good if he stepped in. “My daddy got the late shift?” 

Arvin shook his head, noticing that his beat up old hat was still on his head despite being indoors and took it off immediately, his tousled brown curls parting messily down the middle. “No, we went in at the same time. He ‘n some buddies said they was goin’ to some bar in town.” 

He watched your shoulders fall a little and you sighed, “Figures…. You didn’t go?” 

Again, Arvin shook his head, “No. No offense to your daddy but I don’t like to drink the way I get the feelin’ he does.” 

You snorted, turning to him with a knowing chuckle, “Let’s just say that I’m sorry in advance for whatever he says or does when he gets home, if he gets home. Sheriff Pike might end up callin’ in the mornin’ tellin’ us to pick him up.” Though it was stated as a joke, Arvin could hear the tragic reality behind your words. 

Arvin then noticed the pack of beer bottles that you were pulling out of the bag. As if you could feel his eyes looking at you with worried curiosity, you glanced over at him, noticing the way his eyes flicked between you and the beer in your hands. You offered a sad shrug, “I know what you’re thinkin’ but trust me. Sometimes it’s better to have him drunk and possibly content than sober and angry there’s nothing to drink. Besides, the beer is better than the hard stuff with ‘im.” 

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be makin’ faces. Your business is your business,” Arvin backpedalled, giving you an apologetic nod. 

You shook your head, “Don’t worry. I know how it looks. I’m sorry you gotta see all of it. I been tryin’ to keep to keep him calm but if you end up stayin’ a while, I’m sure you’ll get to see him at his worse times.” 

Arvin chewed his lip as he contemplated whether or not to bring up what had been going through his mind but he had to make sure you were alright. “I-I heard you ‘n your dad talkin’ last night… right after you left my room.” 

Your face fell as you realized what he was talking about, “You weren’t s’posed to hear that. I’m sorry.” Shit, this was what you were hoping to avoid. 

“Are you alright?” 

Gentle. Caring. His tone was something that had been long lost to you in this house and it took the words out of your mouth for a moment. It was embarrassing, the way your heart welled up with… well love wasn’t quite the right word but the warmth of being cared about. Not since after your mother had passed had you heard somebody actually care about how you felt. 

You just nodded and gave a forced smile that you could tell was easy to see through but it was the best you could muster. For someone who was able to take so much shit from their father and was able to look the man who would throw things at you and grab you by the hair dead in the eye with nothing but contempt, it was compassion that made you crumble. It had been so unexpected, especially from Arvin, the stranger living in your house. 

“Shit, ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to overstep. I only…” He stammered over his words and at first you were confused until you felt the single hot tear tracing its way down your cheek. 

You were quick to wipe it away, shocked at your own uncharacteristic show of vulnerability. You hadn’t realized until now that you had zoned out on the ground while Arvin’s words repeated in your head but now a flash of embarrassment ran through you. “No, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You sniffled once before giving a small laugh of disbelief. “It’s just… It’s been a long time since anybody asked that.” 

You straightened up and ran your hands through your hair, eyes closed as you thought of what else you needed to do. Thankfully, if your dad was at the bar, you had at least another four hours to just you and Arvin, all night if you were lucky, though you seldom were. That was when the feeling of dread set in. Your dad had requested chicken roast for dinner tonight and whether he came home early and only a few beers in or you had to drive him home hungover in the morning, the man would be furious if there weren’t at least reheated leftovers for him. You had to kill Patty and prep her for dinner. 

“You okay?” Arvin asked again, though this time it was in reference to the way a heavy look fell over your features. It wasn’t a profound deep question like it was earlier. 

Your head wavered from side to side and your lips twisted, “My daddy asked for chicken roast tonight. I gotta go out and fix Patty up.” You tried to put it lightly though it felt anything but. “I’ll be out in the coop. You’re more than welcome to clean up in the shower or do whatever you’d like ‘round the house. The radio is in the livin’ room if you wanna tune into somethin’.” 

You pushed yourself off the counter and walked to the door in your kitchen that led out to the backyard but Arvin made a few steps to follow, “Is it alright if I keep you company? It don’t feel right bein’ in your house without you or your daddy here.” 

You smiled at the thought of him staying with you and you nodded, continuing out the door, “Sure, c’mon.” 

The hen house wasn’t very far from the back door. From there, you could see the several acres of land that your father was wasting. Your grandparents had bought this land in the late 1910’s and had started up a little farm of their own to sell locally, though your father had abandoned the farming portion after they died. It was where your daddy had grown up and then where you had as well. God, how you missed your grandparents. Your grandmother’s soft words of love and kindness but sternness and willingness to swat your butt with a wooden spoon if you got an attitude (though she would yell at your father if he ever tried to discipline you - “Now you leave that poor baby alone!”). Your grandfather had looked like a rough and angry old man from years of hard work but he had the softest heart of anyone you’d ever met. How the two of them had raised your father was beyond you. 

When you approached the wired fence and jiggled the lock open, the chickens inside stood surprisingly still. They trusted you. You could see it in their little brown eyes. You were safe and warm and didn’t want to harm them. You came in for the unfertilized eggs they laid and left, oftentimes with some seed and a soft pat or two on the head. Patty, a fat white hen with black specks, walked comfortably around your feet, nuzzling her head against your leg. She was the nicest hen you’d ever had. She trusted you. 

God, you were about to cry again. You bent down to pick her up and you held her against your chest, trying to look her in the eye, though it was difficult when she kept jerking it in different directions. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” you murmured low. Usually it was your father that would slaughter the hens if he really wanted the meat that badly. You had never done it yourself but he’d made you watch every time so that you knew how if the time ever came. Each time it made you sick to your stomach. 

Already, you felt green. The unassuming hen that you had been friendly enough to for her not flip out when you held her was none the wiser that her life was about to end by your hand. You glanced over to the large wood round just ahead and the axe that was leaned up against it. 

Your face contorted as you realized how much you disliked the placement. The way your father would slaughter chickens right in front of their friends made your heart break. It was barbaric. 

You walked over to Arvin and held Patty out towards him, “Would you mind holdin’ onto her for a second?” 

Though visibly confused, he took the chicken from your hands, drawing back when her wings fluttered out at the contact with the new strange man. Arvin watched as you walked towards the large round and tried to push it with all your might. “What’re you doin’?” 

“I’m-” you grunted, feeling it slide slowly, inch by inch, “trying to move it where the other chickens can’t see.” You took another moment to use all your force against it before standing up straight and breathing heavily, “I know it sounds dumb cause they’re only chickens but it feels cruel to make ‘em watch, y’know?” You went back to pushing the round and Arvin approached behind you. 

From here he could see the blood stains in the wood. It looked as if the blood had been washed off but the wood had been stained crimson regardless. There was also a divot where an axe had clearly been driven down many times over the years, chipping away at the wood. 

Arvin’s heart actually warmed a little at your attempt to show mercy and your willingness to go out of your way to spare some chickens’ feelings. It wasn’t something he was sure he’d do himself but when he heard you say it, he realized you had a point. It was cruel to imprison a bunch of animals and then lead them out one by one to be slaughtered in front of everyone, each animal waiting their turn. “Here, take ‘er back. Let me.” Arvin stepped in, handing Patty back over to you and bending down to lift the round onto its side with much effort. The wood had to weigh at least a hundred pounds and had long since settled into the ground where it had been placed when you were a child.

Your eyes widened as you watched his biceps bulge, straining the material of his blue t-shirt. You’d never seen a man with muscles like that before and you found your eyes trailing along his arms, following every popping vein from the tops of his hands, up his forearms, and onto his biceps until they disappeared beneath his shirt. It was something you hadn’t expected to see in him. Arvin looked like a quiet, polite, hardworking young man but you never would have imagined the immaculate muscles he possessed. You found your mind wandering to what other surprises laid in store beneath all those layers he wo- 

You needed to calm yourself down. If only he could hear your thoughts, he surely would be furious and disgusted with you. You hadn’t had such impure thoughts since that one time you had been messing around with Jimmy Bates in the backseat of his old car back in your senior year of high school. The two of you didn’t even go all the way but you went far enough and the guilt ate you alive since the two of you were never officially together anyways. He was just the cute boy from high school that you had pined over years that had finally given you the chance right before he shipped off to join the war. 

“This alright?” Arvin asked, shaking you from your fantasy, and you snapped back into reality to realize he had rolled the wood round around the side of the coop behind the wooden wall, outside of the other chickens’ views. 

You nodded and walked over to him, “That’s perfect. Thank you so much for doin’ that. I know it’s sorta stupid.” 

Arvin shook his head, putting his hands on his hips, “If it means somethin’ to you, it ain’t stupid at all. Besides, now that you pointed it out, it was a little barbaric.” 

You smiled up at him, one which he returned. How was this boy so damn nice? Was this some cosmic way of the universe finally giving you something good in your life? You’d become so calloused to your father’s harsh words and barked commands that you had forgotten how nice it was to feel cared about and validated. And you barely knew him. 

“‘M glad you think so.” You looked down at Patty in your arms and any good feelings you’d had melted to sadness and fear. “You been a good girl, Patty. I know you struggled with layin’ eggs for a while but you were always a good girl. Never bit me once unlike some of them other hens.” You weren’t often very soft and vulnerable but you were about to take something’s life for the first time and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of that on your heart. If this were a life or death situation, you would feel better about it, but it wasn’t. The only reason Patty had to die was because your father would throw a fit if she didn’t. 

You carried her to the log and gave her a little kiss on the top of the head, “Please don’t hate me but I understand if you do. Say hi to my momma for me, will you? Tell her I love and miss her.” You set her down and got her in the position you always saw your dad put the other chickens in before he chopped their heads off. Arvin handed you the axe with uncertainty but watched on as you struggled to bring yourself to finish the deed. 

You held her down and you could tell by the way she was flailing that she was panicking now. Patty was well aware of what was happening. “I’m sorry!” You choked, tears welling up in your eyes as her panic began to turn into your own panic. How did people do this? Why was this so freaking difficult? 

Tossing the axe slightly in your hand, you readjusted the handle and just as you went to swing, Arvin piped up, “I can do it.” 

You looked over at him, the afternoon sun reflecting the tears in your eyes and making the color of your irises stand out in tragic beauty. “I-I- Would you really not mind?” You breathed out in relief. 

Arvin stepped forward and you handed the axe out to him, “I don’t mind.” You held onto Patty until Arvin could position her just right as well. He had no idea what he was doing - he’d never had to slaughter a chicken before. He had heard that all you had to do was cut their head off though and then he’d heard the rumors of them running around like crazy even after their head hit the ground. How hard could it be? 

Once he had the hen pinned down where he wanted her, he looked up to see you chewing on your thumb, brows knitted in discomfort. It wasn’t the first chicken you’d watched get slaughtered but it was far from something you enjoyed observing. Arvin signaled to you with a nod before raising the axe above his head and you shut your eyes tight, flinching at the sound of the old metal head thudding into the old wood. 

**

You had the carcass sitting in the sink while you pulled off the blood soaked feathers, depositing them into the trash bin by the handful. This part was easier for you, something you’d done many times in the past. “Thank you for doin’ that. I’m sorry I’m such a baby.” 

Arvin sat at the kitchen table behind you, “You ain’t a baby just cause you don’t like to kill things. I’d say it’s probably rather normal.” 

The time was inching closer to four o’clock now and the sun was beginning to hang ever so slightly lower in the sky, the precursor to sunset. It was warm outside and a cool spring breeze blew in through the open window above the sink. You snickered as you pulled another handful of feathers out, “Yeah? That mean you ain’t normal?” You looked over at him with a playful glint in your eye but your smile fell when you saw an uncomfortable look cross his face, almost like he’d seen a ghost. 

“I ain’t never said I liked killin’ either.” Arvin attempted to match your joking tone but it was pretty evident there was a weight behind his words. 

“Hey, I‘m sorry. I was only jokin’.” A pang of guilt washed over you but it was only that. A joke. You hadn’t imagined teasing him over something like killing a chicken would set him off, especially since he volunteered to do it for you, but apparently you were wrong. 

Arvin sniffed and scratched his nose, “I know.” After a moment of awkward silence, he stood, “Let me give you a hand. What do you need done?” 

You scanned his face once more to make sure he was really okay but you decided to drop it when you saw his insistent look. You shook your head, “I got it. It ain’t much after I get this all gutted and cleaned.” You picked up the mostly featherless carcass by the wings and plopped it back down into the sink. 

“Well ‘m sure there’s vegetables or somethin’ else that goes with it, right? Let me start cuttin’ those up.” His persistence was adorable, making your heart flutter in the most wonderful way. The idea of a man actually being helpful was unknown to you before Arvin. Your life had been filled with your dad’s drunken bossings since you were twelve years old. You couldn’t remember the last time a genuinely kind voice offered you anything more than a smile on the street, not that you took that for granted. Arvin was just different though. Noble and helpful and kind. 

“You really don’t have to-” 

“Yeah, you keep sayin’ that but I really do want to help. So what can I do to make things easier on you?” He took a few steps closer to you until you felt the beginning of what could have been sparks if he stepped any nearer, like when you hold two magnets a few inches apart and you can feel the energy between them, that hint of attraction, but it’s not quite close enough to pull them together. 

The blush in your cheeks at his simple gesture made you break the eye contact with a nervous laugh of retreat, “Okay, fine. If you’re gonna be so insistent,” you drew out with a teasing drawl, “you can cut up veggies. There’s potatoes over there and carrots and zucchini in the fridge.” 

Arvin’s lips turned up in a small smile when you finally resigned your stubborn ways and he went off to find the vegetables where you had directed him. 

Needless to say, when your father came home from the bar to find you and Arvin talking over a song by the Platters playing on the radio with Arvin cleaning up the dishes while you tossed together the vegetables and the seasoning, he was less than pleased. 

“What the hell is going on here?” His slurred speech made your eyes widen in fear. He was supposed to get home later like he always did. But then you found yourself chiding your irresponsibility. Why the hell would you take that chance? You knew better than to let Arvin help out and now you were gonna pay. 

Arvin sensed the way you tensed up beside him and watched as you spun around to face your father with haste, “Just finishin’ up dinner now. Should be ready by six so you got more than enough time to take a sho-” 

“Why the fuck is he doin’ the dishes?” You father was leaning against the wall, clearly relying on the structure for support. This wasn’t the time to test him, not with Arvin here. It was times like this when he’d start throwing stuff at you. 

Before you could say anything, Arvin piped up firmly but respectfully, “I offered, sir. It’s no problem at all.” 

Your dad pointed at Arvin, “A man ain’t got no place with his hands in a sink of dishes. You leave that shit to her and she’ll just grab you a beer.” He stumbled over his own feet before catching himself ungracefully. 

Arvin’s jaw set tightly and you gripped the countertop with white knuckles behind you. Times like this, you weren’t even sure what to say anymore. No amount of standing up for yourself got you anywhere with him. You never made any headway with your dad’s sexist views on gender roles. It was pointless. The only thing to do was try and work your way to supporting yourself so you could get the hell out of dodge and never look back. 

Arvin’s voice surprised you, “A man’s place is helpin’ out the women in his life when they need, not leavin’ ‘em to do all the housework themselves.” You nearly choked on your own tongue at his words. It was a bold statement for a man to make, especially to the head of the house that was being so gracious as to host him free of charge, but he didn’t back down. It appeared like the jab was lost on your drunken father but Arvin continued with a slightly less accusatory comment to diffuse the situation regardless, “I grew up helpin’ my grandma with all the house chores so I really don’t mind at all.” 

You watched the way your dad eyed Arvin and then you before scoffing and grumbling incoherently as he shuffled his way into the living room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “I don’t want you gettin’ kicked out ‘cause of me. You didn’t have to say nothin’.” 

Arvin glared at where your father had disappeared and nodded, “Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve all the shit he gives you.” 

You suddenly found yourself avoiding his eyes and twisting your lips. He was right and you were well aware of that fact. The abuse your dad put you through was uncalled for at best. The fact that Arvin had actually taken the time to not only notice the same fact but acknowledge it and stand up for you was something you never thought you’d hear someone do. It made you uncomfortable. You’d been fighting this battle by yourself for so long that letting somebody even know it was being waged was enough to make you want to sink away. Even so, a part of you wanted to let Arvin keep standing up for you. It made you feel weak after having to stand up for yourself for so long but also validated. 

Your eyes flicked up to meet his for only a moment before turning back towards dinner that sat in a roasting pan on the stove, “Thank you.” 

______

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