#and then immediately picking up a health drink lmao

[hierophant-green]

I love Heather because she's like:

"Hmm I'm not taking this toolbox full of items. I don't think it's gonna be useful ://"

But still decides to take this random ass walnut she found on the floor... Girl

[elementary-my-dear-daddy]

Earning Your Keep

Analogical (Virgil & Logan)

This story will be a series for the sugar daddy idea i've had running around in my head for some time now lmao. I really hope you guys like it since I enjoy writing it :)

Read it on AO3!

Virgil likes to take care of those he holds close, and maybe also a stranger that offered him a ride home.

Virgil was never rich. His family was big and his parents couldn’t make very many ends meet for most of his life, leading him to work his way through school. Once he graduated with a bachelors in psychology, he picked up two jobs to start paying off his loans, one in retail which drove his mental health into the ground, and the other as a behavioral health tech at a rehab center, which only had night-shift positions open and kept him up all night. He was paid and treated like shit, and on the cusp of breaking down when he got extremely lucky. For his 27th birthday he got the usual card with a cheesy message from his grandparents, but instead of the typical twenty bucks or a gift card, he found a lottery ticket sitting neatly inside. He didn’t think much of it, handing it over to the convenience store clerk when he was picking up an energy drink before his next shift.

“I don’t think this is worth anything, but if it has anything on it can I just use it to pay for this?” Virgil put his drink on the counter while the clerk scanned the ticket.

“Woah, woah. Oh my god.” 

“What?”

“Dude, you just won.”

“Huh?” Virgil knit his brow in confusion. He glanced over at the cashier’s screen, noticing the rather large number it displayed.

“Yeah, you won the jackpot! It’s over like 200 million! Holy shit! Here, sign it and take it to a lawyer!” The person handed him back the slip of paper and a pen. Virgil’s brain had short-circuited, causing him to just follow instructions. He didn’t really understand what was happening, so he just took the ticket back and walked out and back to his car, driving straight home and immediately typing ‘what to do if you win the lottery’ into his computer.

A bunch of results came up saying a bunch of stuff- tax experts, lawyers, and a bunch of steps that caused Virgil to lay down on his bed and rock back and forth for a little while. He didn’t believe this was happening to him. Maybe it wasn’t real? This was just a nightmare right? A really good bad nightmare.

All the things he saw online said not to tell anyone, but he couldn’t just sit there not making a decision. He picked up the phone and dialed the only person he knew who could possibly help him out.

~~~~~~~~~~

“You what ?” Janus’ voice hissed through the speakers on Virgil's phone, “Is this some weird joke, because it isn’t landing well.”

“No, no, I promise it's real, I-I checked and the numbers match up and I verified it at the gas station and, and-”

“Virgil, breathe. Calm down. I’m coming over so we can talk. I’ll help you get this figured out, and make sure you aren’t having delusions of grandeur.” Janus sighed, “I’ll be there in 10.”

Janus was over shortly, Virgil working with him to figure out the next course of action. Everything was going so fast. The next day Janus helped him set up meetings and accounts, and get lawyers and a budget going. The week flew by in between the contracts and calls. Even the next few months seemed to go by in a blur of bureaucratic processes. 

The first thing he did was set his parents up with a decent place to live and help them with their debts and medical bills. He did the same for himself, getting his student loans paid off finally and allowing himself to move into a spacey yet cozy penthouse. He quit both his jobs, but tried to end on a good note with his boss at the clinic in case he did ever want to go back. He was, probably for the first time in his life, comfortable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Time kept passing and Virgil had to now figure out what he wanted to spend his time on. He’d picked up his passion for music again now that he could afford nice equipment, but never had the intent to go anywhere with it. He looked into some online classes he could take, just for fun and to keep his mind stimulated. He even worked with Janus and some of his lawyers to start a charity for helping disabled students with loans that didn’t have the luck that he had. That was as close to a job as he had, once they had an office set up he made a regular schedule to help sort things out with it.

The routine he made helped him adjust to his new life. Getting up, going to the office, processing applications, working on his classes and playing music. He didn’t really spend his money anymore beyond his needs. Nothing fancy brought him much happiness. He didn’t host parties or have many friends that hung out with him before he became well off. He’d tried to go on a few dates, but the people he’d seen either knew him from the news when he originally won or they’d act disinterested until he brought up his money. The one time he actually thought he’d found someone he was interested in, the guy had thrown a fit that he wanted to end their 3rd date early to not have a panic attack.

They went to a planetarium, which for the most part Virgil enjoyed, but the segment about how small of a spec the earth was in the grand scheme of the universe triggered the existentialist anxiety of dying alone and not mattering. He had to run out and go calm down, but that proved difficult with his date shouting.

“Do you know how fucking rude it is to just run out on your date? I had to pay for these tickets, you know, and they aren’t cheap!”

“I-I know, i’m sorry, I can, um, here I’ll pay you back-” Virgil started to reach for his wallet.

“Whatever, it’s fine, let’s just see if they’ll let us back in, cmon.” The guy tugged at Virgil’s arm.

“Um…Actually I was wondering if…s-sorry uh, could- could we just go home?”

“What, are you not having a nice night? You could at least not waste my time, you know.” 

“I know, I'm really sorry, we should- maybe, uh… you can go and I’ll just head home and call an uber-”

“Ugh are you serious?” His date frowned, “You know what? Just go, I don’t wanna deal with this anymore. Don’t call me again, we’re done.” 

He watched his date head back into the planetarium and sighed, resigning himself to a bench outside to shake off the rejection. He shivered as a spike of anxiety hit him. He had to count his breaths, but it wasn’t working. He was gonna end up alone and live a completely inconsequential life that had no impact whatsoever and-

“Are you alright?”

Virgil looked over at a man a few feet away from him. He stood tall, sporting glasses and a polo with the logo of the planetarium. Virgil didn’t couldn’t quite make out the name on the man’s name tag through his watery eyes. Oh shit, was he crying? No no no this couldn’t happen in public, he was a grown man crying in public-

“Oh, apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just thought I should intervene.” The man looked at Virgil with concern, “May I sit?”

Virgil nodded, easing slightly as he did. He took a shaky breath and wiped away his tears, “I-I’m so-sor-ry. I could-n’t stay in there. S-sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize, take as much time as you need to gather yourself.” He spoke calmly. His tone comforted Virgil enough to steady his breathing and collect his thoughts.

“I’m…I’m good. Sorry.” Virgil sighed, “Just had a shitty date.”

The man frowned, “I see. Was he your ride home?”

Virgil nodded, “Figured I’d just get a cab or something.”

“Don’t waste your money, my shift just ended. If you’re comfortable with it I’d be happy to offer you a way home.”

“No no I can’t, I mean- It’s fine it’s not like money’s the issue I just don’t wanna leave him here alone.”

“After he just left you?” 

Virgil looked towards the doors of the planetarium. He slumped his shoulders in resignation, “I guess you’re right.”

“I don’t mean to intrude on your personal affairs, but he is not worth your time if he does not respect your boundaries, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving you in a potentially unsafe environment. I would feel much more assured if I knew you returned home unharmed.”

“Fuck it, ok.” Virgil sighed. He looked over at the man and was able to see him a little more clearly. His name tag attached to a Dr. Who lanyard read Logan in bold font. He looked rather lanky and had bags under his eyes comparable to Virgil’s own.

“Would you like another minute to calm down or would you like to walk with me to my car now? I don’t mind waiting.”

“Uh, no, we can go now. Th-thank you, um, Logan.” Virgil offered a half smile.

“Of course, uh…”

“Virgil.”

“Virgil.” The man- Logan, stood up and motioned for the other to follow him.

Virgil stood and accompanied him to the car. It wasn’t the fanciest thing in the world, far from it. It looked like one of the windows had been punched out and was covered with cardboard and duct tape. It looked like an older car, and when they got in Logan had to start the engine a few times before it actually got running. 

“Please excuse the state of my car,” Logan said pulling his seatbelt on, “I’d fix the window on my own if I could but I’ve been too busy to do so. Here, do you mind putting your address in so I can get directions?”

Logan handed Virgil his phone, the other quickly inputting the info and handing it back. Virgil fastened his own seatbelt as they drove out of the parking lot.

“So, you work at the planetarium?”

“My shirt indicates so.”

“Right.” Virgil nodded, “What started that?”

“I needed a part-time job to work during nights while I attended college. I studied astronomy and a professor recommended applying for the position. The job just stuck after I graduated.” 

“That sounds pretty cool. You get to go to all those shows, right?”

“No, I get to sit in the ticket booth.” 

“Oh.” Virgil looked out the window as they drove, “I didn’t realize.”

“It's alright,” Logan said, shrugging, “I’ve seen them all anyway, when I had more free time.”

“You can’t take a day off?”

Logan’s lips pursed, “Not really. I work two other jobs.”

They both spent the rest of the ride in silence until the car approached the area where Virgil lived.

“You…live over here?” Logan questioned, looking around at the tall, well-kept buildings of the city.

“Um, yeah. I guess.” Virgil sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, “I moved here a few months ago. Doesn’t feel like it though.”

Logan hummed in acknowledgement, still looking around at how different this place seemed compared to where he lived. He pulled up to a decorative building with too many stories to count from his view. He parked the car and turned to Virgil.

“Thank you for allowing me to take you home. I’m sorry you had a rough night but hopefully you’ll find someone else that will accommodate your needs appropriately.” Logan offered a smile.

Virgil returned it, before clumsily reaching to take off his seatbelt and pull out his wallet, “Uh, here.”

He offered a wad of cash to Logan, who in return pushed it back, “No, please don’t worry about covering gas. It isn’t far from my-”

“Take it. Get your window fixed too. And if you need anything else just, um, give me a call or something. Thanks again, Logan.” Virgil said, getting out of the car and shutting the door.

Logan watched him greet the doorman (his building had a doorman?) and head to his apartment, before staring down at the cash. It added up to about $350, plus Virgil's business card. He blinked and debated trying to go after him, but decided he wouldn’t be able to find him since he didn’t know which apartment was his. He pulled out his own wallet and stuffed the cash inside. The card Virgil had given him had his name and number, along with the name of a charity Logan heard the name of a few times from the news. This was too much to process, so Logan just put the card in with the cash and drove home. That was a problem for someone much more well rested.

~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil flopped down on his bed as soon as he got home. He pulled out his phone and immediately blocked his date’s number, writing him off as just another insensitive asshole trying to take advantage of him. He let his mind relax in the safety of his home and tried to just forget about tonight. Except Logan. He couldn’t get him out of his mind.

Working two jobs had Virgil on the verge of a panic attack almost every night, he couldn’t imagine working three like Logan had. And how long had he been driving that car? Wasn’t it dangerous to drive when your engine doesn’t turn over and you don’t have a window? Those bags under his eyes, was he not sleeping well? Was the money he gave him enough to cover everything? 

Virgil exhaled through his nose and flipped onto his back. These were morning problems. Or at least wake up at 3 am and worry about life problems. He glanced at his clock- 10:30. Definitely something to deal with tomorrow.

[eriyu]

Ehryu Raav

B A S I C S

Name: Ehryu Raav (don't mind that all the paperwork spells it "Ehriyu") Nicknames: Yu (to her family only) Age: 26 (at the beginning of ARR) Nameday: First Sun of the Second Umbral Moon Race: Keeper of the Moon Meracydian Miqo'te Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual, greyromantic Profession: Adventurer :)

P H Y S I C A L     A S P E C  T S

Hair: Bubblegum pink, 2A, medium-long Eyes: Right: light blue. Left: light purple, pinker after rejoining with Ardbert Skin: Medium-light grey Tattoos/scars: No tattoos, miscellaneous scars (a couple from Endwalker, the rest from when she was younger and half her friends weren't absurdly accomplished healers)

F A M I L Y

Parents: Kinoh and Tavh'li :) Siblings: She's the oldest of five! There's Dyaala (1 year younger), Yuhl (6 years younger), Mhet (7 years younger), and Kinoh'a (10 years younger = the twins' age). Grandparents: ...around, I'm sure... I have vague ideas of a large extended family, but they're staying vague until I know more about her home. In-laws and Other: She's adopted the twins as additional little brother and sister if that counts. Pets: Her family had miscellaneous creatures around when she was little, but none of particular note. I don't think chocobos are considered pets.

S K I L L S

Abilities: The big (obvious) ones are fighting, singing, playing instruments, and dancing. Is "inspiring people" an ability? Beyond that she's a jack of all trades — loves picking up every skill she can, but doesn't usually dedicate enough time to them to become a master. Hobbies: Again, everything she can get her hands on, at least briefly. It's a bit difficult to categorize things separately as "hobbies"... like she doesn't really put aside time to do certain activities; she just starts going in a direction and keeps going until she stops lmao.

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Selflessness :) (alternatively, unflagging optimism) Worst Negative: Selflessness (: (alternatively, failure to think things through)

L I K E S

Colors: Years ago, Yuhl told her that purple was "her color" and she ran with it, but honestly she loves all sorts of bright colors. Hot pink and yellow are up there. Smells: Grass, and rain. Streets full of different kinds of restaurants. Fresh laundry. Textures: Silk. Grass again. Marble. Not a whole lot that she dislikes, though. Drinks: Water with lemon or mint. Anything she's never had before. Whiskey.

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes: Nah, zero interest in it. Especially since she values her voice so much. Drinks: Socially. She'll enjoy getting completely trashed on special occasions when she's quite certain the end of the world isn't nigh. Drugs: Anything with significant health effects is off the table immediately, but she could be tempted to try anything that's fairly harmless by a friend. It's also possible that she and Thancred got super fucking high on their first trip to the Great Work due to a slight miscommunication about dosage differences between Arkasodara and smaller races... Mount Issuance: Her black chocobo and Argos are canon. Other MSQ-relevant ones like Maggie and the Yol are still around but probably not really "on call." Everything else is nebulous. Realistically does she own a flying car? Probably not. Can I still say she loves blasting the stereo on the Regalia? I sure can!!! Been Arrested: If she managed to avoid it from the bloody banquet all through Heavensward, I'm gonna say she's avoided it everywhere else too.

Tagged by: Nobody, I stole it from a long-dead blog :)

Tagging: @gatheredfates @lilbittymonster @tallbluelady @starrysnowdrop @calico-heart @nhaneh @wildstar25

[robby-bobby-tommy]

So, aai1 brainrot doesn't want to go away. So here's my hcs what happened during KG-8 incident. Especially with Kay, Byrne and Badd. I might turn this into the comic, if I'll have the motivation to.

Attempt on Badd's life, the trial and tribulations of the KG-8 Incident.

So, the KG-8 happened in 2009. A day before the trial begins Badd goes home after a long day at the precinct, but after awhile he notices strange people following him. Turns out they were hitmen that were supposed to get rid of him before the trial. They chase Badd for a while, making some of the holes in the trenchcoat. Trying to get help, Tyrell diales the first number he had — Faraday's.

Byrne was on the walk with Kay, when he got the call. When he picked up the phone he was a little surprised by this late call, but then he was totally scared after he heard gunshots from Tyrell's end. The latter quickly told his friend his location, but didn't manage to say what was happening, as he was finally cornered. The hitmen shot him twice* in the abdomen and Tyrell was basically left to die with Faraday still on the call.

Byrne had quickly reported everything that happened to the police and called an ambulance, and went to the scene himself. He had nowhere to leave Kay, so he brought her along. Byrne left her in the police car, tho, so that she doesn't see the scene. Tyrell was unconscious with some small black scraps of paper, that burned green*.

So, Badd was taken to the hospital, and Byrne was left with no lead detective with trial on his hands. The next day after this whole incident Byrne still went in court, not going to back down. But that day was full of surprises.

Firstly, completely unexpectedly, Badd appeared in the courthouse before the begging of the trial. He told Faraday everything that happened to him, including that before he passed out, he felt someone was looking for something in his trenchcoat. Byrne didn't pay to much attention to it, instead focusing on his friend's health. Tyrell said that he was okay, but continued to drink a lot of water* and looked very pale. Before they started taking about serious stuff, they asked Kay to buy the swiss rolls.

Secondly, when the trial had began, Byrne found out that the tape was missing from the evidence files. It turns out the hitmen stole Badd's card that opened his evidence lock (I think it's before the locks that are opened by fingerprints were invented). The tape was stolen from there, and prosecution had lost their most important and decisive evidence.

The defense attorney was paid a lot by the smuggling ring, so he forged some evidence, "destroying" Tyrell's logic during the cross-examination.

Due to lack of evidence from the prosecution, the trial ended in one day. Manny Coachen got his not guilty verdict. After these words left judge's mouth a woman screamed in sadness and despair (Callisto Yew).

After the court was adjourned, Byrne was furious and Badd felt worse than ever. Callisto found them outside of the courtroom and introduced herself as the sister of the departed Cece Yew. Badd bowed and said his sincerest apologies.

Callisto, unimpressed, slaped him and told that she never wanted to see them again. Badd stays in this bowing position until she left. Shortly afterwards his gaze got fuzzy and some blood appeared once more on his shirt.

After another very fun (not really) trip to the hospital, Faraday found out that right after regaining his consciousness, Badd started mumbling about the case and the testimony. He nearly went to the courthouse right away, but the nurses persuaded at least to bandage him up. Due to stress, exhaustion and the slap, the wounds reopened so he needed immediate attention.

This is just some rough ideas and hcs. I feel like Badd is the type of a person to just walk off two bullets in his stomach lmao. Von Karma could never.

Now to explain some stuff:

Two shots:

come from Badd's design. Specifically because of two bullet holes in his tie. He's either a Neo from Matrix, or got shot at least once.

Green flames:

It's because the hitmen burned the directive card written in Babahlese ink.

Water

I heard that if someone donors blood they should drink water so that the body can restore some fluids. So despite saying he's okay, Badd felt nauseous and exhausted. He also lost a lot of blood the day before the trial, so he drinks water to at least feel okay-ish.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent/personal/health/long post

Omggg so today has been so unbELIEVABLY shitty

First i wake up in pain still from my back going out on sunday when I woke up. That was expected though. My dental aligner trays hurt like a motherfucker to pull out still. Then im getting a quick breakfast together and I get a text from the clinic saying my doctors appointment i needed before tomorrow is canceled AGAIN. I had to check with the clinic and the specialist (appointment tomorrow) if its okay if I have renewed referral clinic appointment next week. So fingers crossed thats okay, because thats whats happening its not possible to see the clinic before the specialist, and ive had the specialist appointment for months, and the clinic only told me i need to renew the referral on last friday, and ive had appointments every day this week. Whatever. It is what it is.

Then im pouring cereal, drizzle a little agave on top because its unsweetened, and then immediately knock the bowl over all over my lap, sticky side down. I still cant go pick up the bits under the table now, because its killing my back to even pull the chair out, my back is in such bad shape. (Was gonna ask the clinic doctor to help out w it too but i guess im going this whole week without a treatment plan, just taking old painkillers lmao.)

Speaking of painkillers, i have one left of this bottle. I have another painkiller type, but its way too strong, and even if i cut it in half itll be too strong, but im gonna have to use that if i dont have any improvement.

So all that above was the easy peasy part of my day. Next is my appointment to renew state benefits (for food). I get EVERYTHING ready all gathered into the one spot in my room i know i can get consistent cell service, and settle down. Phone appointment time comes. I hear the landline downstairs ring. Fuck. I grab my phone and paperwork and i cant make it in time both because of my back problems and also because the landline only rings twice. I literally grabbed the phone as the case worker stopped speaking on the machine. Fuck again. I cant understand the phone number they said on the machine. It takes me a minute to realize its the same number on my paper work. I try to call but my house is a dead zone. Go back to my room, get put thru to the robot answering machine because its the general number. Not a callback number. Fuck. The robot then hangs up on me saying theres a high call volume and to call back later.

But my appointment is now! I call again and get hung up on. I call again and finally get put on hold. This is like 20 minutes after my appointment time because it takes like 7 minutes of talking to the robot to get put into a call. So im on hold, i hear the landline so i rush downstairs to try and get it again but im too late (probably a robo call, we get a lot). There was no new message, so i stay on hold, where im expecting an 80 minute wait time.

Completely fucked up process when i had an appointment scheduled! I shouldve been able to call the worker back on the available phone.

Anyway. Im dying in pain and sobbing on the phone and end up having to sit on the kitchen chair thats hard wood because i got reception in there and i wanted to be closer to the landline just in case. Im sobbing for like the first 2 hours bc of pain from exterting myself rushing around the house. I try sending off a message on the online portal. But its like 'we'll get back to you within 5 days' lol.

My battery gets low so I risk bringing my phone to my room to use the bathroom and grab a charger, take off my dental trays (more pain) so i can eat and drink something. More pain when i get back downstairs.

Im on hold for longer. So i start looking for someone higher up to pester because the whole situation is fucked. Around 3 hours on hold i send off an email to someone whos the director of that org at the county.

Its at this point i realise i might be racking up a huge phone bill, so i start telling myself 'ok sunk cost fallacy this isnt worth the wait' and i start trying to log back into the portal (which id already been doing like 20 times already this day) to request a new appointment. Then the portal keeps logging me out as soon as i log in. And i cant reset my password or do anything.

Im about to give up, going nuts after hearing the same note played over and over on the hold music. And someone fucking answers the phone.

Ho lee shit. I couldnt believe it.

A 4 hour hold that actually produced results????

Apparently all their systems are down and the worker was like 'okay yeah youre gonna be the last person i process today i am not able to access anything right now' and even had to do some stuff manually, but my case is renewed and everything should be settled now

So yeah that was over 4 hours of torture being in the uncomfortable kitchen for so long, when i WAS prepared for my appointment ahead of time. Ugh. I shouldnt have to hurt myself to get this done, but no one else was in the house to catch the landline for me, and i didnt know i could get reception in the kitchen.

(Kind of worked out tho bc i wouldve had to hang up if my doctors appointment today didnt cancel, and also i wouldve hung up if the online portal functioned)

The sad thing is im not even done. i gotta deal with another appointment tomorrow in another town. (Already had to go out of town on tuesday for the teeth aligners/tmj appliances), like the car is not comfortable for my injured back lmao

I dont think the appointment tmr is anything big its prob just a check up and to renew meds, but getting there, early in the morning, is gonna be fucking hard. I doubt this doc will do anything for my back or regular level of chronic pain, but im gonna make a big stink about it because i havent stopped being in pain for like ever, and the past month has just been so fucking hard on me with trying to help family do labor intensive stuff (which is probably why my back got fucked and gave up on sunday)

It really fucking sucks being in chronic pain and no doctors wanna do anything to treat the pain. Ive already been on every type of antidepressant and none of them helped my fibro or depression. Ive actually felt a LOT better since stopping them last winter. But im still in a lot of pain all the time. I dont wnna be like 'give me painkillers' but... give me painkillers. I was so comfortable when i was on them regularly in the past. And then the whole opioid crisis thing happened and now no one gives them to me except when i had endo flare ups (which. Lol. They barely do anything for endo pain. Which is why i was so surprised they did anything at all for my back pain when i took one on sunday!) I have always been responsible with them and always took the lowest dose (cut them in half back then) because i dont like the feeling of painkillers lololol

God tho this back pain... on sunday it was so humiliating, i kept getting stuck where i was because the pain was so bad. Even just lying flat on my back was excruciating. I was Almost at the point where i wouldve needed help to use the bathroom. Even now, while my back is much better (still terrible tho) and with painkillers, i can barely twist to grab toilet paper or reach to dry myself. It fucking sucks. Getting clothes on and off? Sucks. Especially reaching to get my feet out of pants or socks on and off.

You dont realize how much you took for granted until you struggle to do basic daily movement. I thought i was doing so well too because ive been lifting weights since februrary! Just arm workouts tho. Was doing situps until i had another endo flare up in spring. I always forget how bad severe pain situations are, either with an injury or my endo flare ups. Im living in constant fear of the next endo flare up and that sucks too. My current back problem is like, spikes of level 10 pain with movement. The endo flare ups is sustained level 10 pain. So theyre not even comparable but its still super severe.

Anyway. This has been super rough on me. Especially the added pain and overstimulation of the new back pain, and now the constant pain and headache from the teeth aligners, which is another thing im super scared about. What if it ends up making my jaw worse? What if i pull out a tooth? God just prying them off my teeth is like getting teeth pulled it hurts so much. Im like crying when i have to take the bottom one off, the hook digs into my gums and then when one side comes off its excruciatingly stuck on the other side. Literally feels like teeth being pulled. Im surprised my one crown is still in place (ive been pulling from the opposite side to try and save it). And ive already lost a bunch of the tooth spikes they added to keep the aligners in place, but the office is like a 2 hour drive away so i cant just go get the spike replaced. I dont even have a car or license i have to coordinate with family lol. And the brand is like so new theres no online discussions about it so i cant even commiserate or see how people manage to cope with this level of constant pain from the trays, pulling them out, or the extra large bite guard i cant even close my lips around at night. My teeth are so crooked i cant even tell if its in the right placement bc my teeth dont fit in the bite guard tray. So lol. Im trying.

So yeah i dont have faith in my doctors im scared starting treatment is just gonna make things worse especially because thats been the case my whole life. Ill try to get treated for something and then it reveals or causes something much worse i need to treat. But im trying. Its just hard when i have to treat so many fucking illnesses all at once, and theyre all super painful.

Im fucking tired. Want this week to be over. Want to just sleep, but i cant even do that without being in excruciating pain every time i try to move position. Life rly sucks for me rn.

So thats my vent.

Oh yeah, also dermatillomania has been severe lately too lol. So i look a mess but thankfully my lips get covered by my mask. I was so scared the tmj doc was gonna comment on it but i accidentally forgot to take my piercings out before the appointment so he ended up making conversation about those instead of the glaring wounds on my lips and fingers. (He did notice my bandaids on my fingers lol)

So yeah. Send prayers and gay vibes my way pls i rly need it. Fffff time to go cry and put my trays back in

[the-cult-of-russo]

Poetic Tragedy (Part 4)

Pairing: Reader X Billy Russo

Warnings: Cursing, angst, sadness, substance abuse, mental health issues, mentions of sexual assault. This one’s a little dark and not really in a violent way (okay some of it is lmao). Just more the themes explored, I guess? 

A/N: This one’s a little shorter. Some sad bonding anyone? lmao

—------------------

Your eyes fluttered open and you groaned softly. Your body felt heavy, like it was being weighed down. Every inch of you, muscles you didn't even know you had, hurting like a bitch. The room was still bathed in darkness and a quick glance to the clock told you it was 5:32 am. You felt cold. Too cold. You sat up with a pained whimper, your body protesting at the movement as you started to shiver violently. Your eyes were blurry as they watered and you sniffled. You felt like you had the flu. Suddenly, Billy was sitting on the bed in front of you.

“Here, you need this,” he murmured, holding out a bottle of water. The angry face he wore earlier had seemed to vanish and now his dark eyes were looking over you with concern. You went to take it but your hands were shaking badly, you couldn't even grab it. So Billy put one hand under your chin as the other helped you drink it. You drank greedily, feeling like you hadn't had a drink in weeks. You gasped when you were done, quickly pulling your cardigan tighter around yourself as you trembled. Billy got up and you were wondering what he was doing, but then you felt your stomach roll terribly. You dove off the bed, slipping but catching yourself on the wall before you ran to the bathroom. You dropped to your knees with a hard thud and just managed to throw up into the toilet. The water you just drank came up along with the food Karen had given you the night before. Your heaves were painful, your stomach clenching so hard it felt like it was trying to implode in on itself. You felt like you couldn't breathe and you knew this wasn't even the worst of it. You cried between your heaves, hands clenching the toilet bowl tightly as you willed it to stop. Willed the pain to end. You felt a hand holding your hair from your face, another rubbing your back soothingly. You knew Billy was speaking but you couldn't hear him over your painful dry heaves after your stomach ejected everything out of it. You felt odd, almost like you were drunk as your head spun. Everything felt like it was moving around you. You cried into the toilet bowl, murmuring nonsense as you swayed. Then you fell into a heap in front of the toilet as you passed out.

When you next woke up, it was with a pained cry as you sat up, eyes snapping open. You gasped, writhing in pain as the heat seemed to consume you. You felt like someone was roasting you alive and you felt the pain down to your bones. 

“No… No, please,” you mumbled deliriously, getting out of bed and stumbling.

“Y/N… what is it?” Billy asked. Your eyes were everywhere yet taking in nothing as you tugged your cardigan off like it had offended you. But suddenly he was in front of you, putting his cool hand to your face.

“Shit,” he muttered as he went to move his hand away. You whined, feeling the loss of the cold immediately. 

“It’s… It’s too hot… I can’t…” you rambled as you started to tug your clothes off.

“What… Don’t do that,” Billy frowned, shaking his head but you really couldn't focus on him when you felt this intense burning. You were left in nothing but your panties but you didn’t feel any relief and you let out a pathetic sob.

“I… Please make it stop. Make the burning stop please,” you begged brokenly, swaying on your feet. His cool hand took one of yours and you almost fell over as he slowly guided you to the bathroom. You heard the shower go on and then Billy picked you up, putting you in the bath under the shower. You leaned against the wall, closing your eyes as the cold water pelted your skin, but it didn't do much to quell the raging fire on the inside.

“Just… Just stay here, alright? I’ll be back in a minute,” he murmured, quickly leaving the room. Your head came to rest on the tiles as you sniffled, shaking your head. You couldn't do this. You really couldn't. You knew this could last anywhere from three to ten days. You couldn't stand three more days of this hell, let alone ten. The thought made your knees buckle. You needed him to let you go. You had no money but you knew you could get your shit off Josh. You’d just sleep with him, it wasn't like you hadn't done it before. Maybe if you let him touch you properly, you could get a longer supply. You just needed to get out of here, needed to convince Billy to let you leave. You’d do whatever it took for this to stop. 

You got out of the shower, still soaking wet, but you ignored it as you padded into the bedroom, using the wall as support as you went. Billy was talking in a hushed voice on the phone but as he glanced at you, he quickly hung up.

“You should get back in there, sweetheart,” he soothed, a small frown on his face as he looked at you. He seemed like a different person from the one you knew. When he got to you, you fell to your knees at his feet.

“Please. Please just let me go. I can’t do this, I can't. I’ll do anything you want, anything, just please,” you begged desperately, reaching for his belt. That's what guys always wanted, right? Maybe he’d let you go if you gave him something. But as you started to undo his belt, his hands snatched yours as he looked down at you in shock.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked incredulously. A heaving sob left your lips as you hung your head in shame, your hands still in his as you cried. What were you doing? Trying to service him like this all for some shit you didn't even really want. But you needed it and it was all you could think about. Your sobs were loud and painful, raw and broken. You felt your hands drop to your lap as you sat there wet and just in panties, shame curling around you tight. You wondered if he’d had enough of your bullshit now. If he’d stop trying to be nice to you at all. But then you felt a large fluffy towel being wrapped around you. You blinked your blurry tearful eyes at him as he sat on the floor at your side, his legs spread either side of you. And then he pulled you to his chest as he embraced you. It made you cry harder at the human contact you’d always been denied as he rubbed your back with one hand as the other cradled your head. You just wept brokenly into his chest.

“It’s gonna get better,” he murmured softly, stroking your wet hair. You shook your head against his chest, your own heaving as you tried to breathe through your tears.

“I can’t do it, I can’t,” you lamented painfully. He moved you away from his chest, his hands gripping your shoulders as he made you look at him. You wobbled a little, trying to get your eyes to focus but the pain was distracting.

“You can. You’re strong, Y/N. All the shit you’ve been through, and here you are, still fightin’ every damn day. I know this is hard, I know you think you can't do it, but you can. You just gotta fight it, sweetheart. I know you can do it,” he implored, his dark eyes boring into you. You wanted to believe him, wanted to believe you could do this and finally be free of all of it. But all you felt was utter devastation and hopelessness. You really hadn't expected him to be your biggest cheerleader with how he acted the night before, but you were grateful you weren't going through this alone, even if he had forced this on you.

“I just… It… hurts,” you sniffled miserably. He gave you a pitying look as his hands came to cradle your face and he wiped the rivulets of tears cascading down it.

“I know it does, but I’m here. Gonna take good care of you, alright? Whatever you need,” he soothed. 

He stood up and you watched from the floor as he toed his boots off before taking off his hoodie. You had no idea what he was doing but you groaned, shifting at the pain as it seemed to ricochet off every part of your body. He took his shirt off then and afterwards, his jeans. It left him in just a black pair of boxers and you might have appreciated the sight more if you didn't feel like you were on the verge of death. He was beautiful, even with all of his scars. You hadn't really noticed before since he’d been so antagonistic towards you. He came back over, helping you up to your feet. Your head was spinning like you were on a merry-go-round and he guided you back to the bathroom where the shower was still running cold. He picked you up again only this time, he stepped into the shower with you. In the back of your head, a voice was telling you that he wasn't feeling the same burning pain you were and the freezing water wouldn't be pleasant for him, but he made no complaints about it. He’d kept your towel on, probably for your modesty, and it felt like it was taking all of your energy just to stand up. He wrapped his arms around you and you sagged against his chest, letting the water try to put out the fire you were feeling. He stayed in the shower with you for what felt like hours but it could have been minutes for all you knew. Nothing made sense anymore. But eventually, he helped you out of it and even dried you since you hadn't been able to do it yourself. He’d carefully averted his eyes as he did but drew the line as getting you out of the wet panties. He’d given you his t-shirt to wear. It was large on you, coming mid-thigh. It smelt like him though and it was oddly comforting. He ended up putting you back in bed and sitting beside you, leaning against the wall. You gravitated towards him without thinking in your current state, needing to feel something cold. His smooth skin was freezing to the touch and you curled around him, your head on his chest. He didn't move away though and instead, he wrapped an arm around you, the other coming to your hair, much like he had on the floor.

“Tell me something, anything. I need a distraction,” you mumbled pleadingly into his chest. The heat wasn't as intense as it was before but you still felt pain in every part of your body and you knew the heat would come back eventually. You felt him rubbing your scalp and you tried to focus on the pleasant feeling instead of everything else you were going through. His body tensed a little at your words and you felt him roll his shoulder. You’d seen him do that a few times, you wondered why.

“I uh… My mom gave me up as a kid. She was a jun-... an addict. Decided drugs were more important than her own son,” he started quietly. You felt a pang of something in your chest that felt a lot like guilt. You weren't sure if this had anything to do with the reason why he felt the need to make you go through this. 

“Ended up in a group home. No one wanted me so I stayed there until I aged outta the system. Then I joined the Marines, met Frank and… Well, you know the rest,” he muttered. You nodded against him, starting to shiver once again. His arm tightened around you as you whimpered softly and squeezed your eyes shut.

“Back at the group home, there was this guy… I was about 10 or 11 and he… let’s just say he liked me a little too much. He didn’t manage to… I got him good with a stickball bat but he broke my arm and tore my rotator cuff,” he breathed, shifting a little under you. Your heart ached at his story, knowing all too well what it was like to be taken advantage of.

“When you asked me why I play hero… It's ‘cause… There’s real evil out there. People like… like Arthur or… or Rawlins. They take what they want and they don't give a shit. Some of ‘em prey on the vulnerable and they… they just fly under the radar and get away with it. Or some of ‘em are so high up the food chain they think they're untouchable. And that's why I do what I do. ‘Cause people like that need to be dealt with. It ain’t just the… the mobs and the murderers, ‘cause murder ain’t the worst thing that can happen to someone. If I can stop even just one person from hurtin’ someone else, makin’ them go through that pain, then I will,” he rambled uncertainly. It was hard for his earnest words to soak through the pain-filled haze you were in. With your temperature so high, you felt out of it and delirious. Like you’d had a few bottles of whisky. 

“You’re a good man, Billy Russo,” you mumbled, voice muffle slightly with how hard you were pressing your face to his chest seeking out his coolness. He scoffed at your words and you looked up as he shook his head.

“No, I’m not. I’ve done a lot of bad shit. You were right the other day, I am an asshole. And yeah, I do this to help people but I do love the violence. Somethin’s always been broken in me and… and after what Rawlins did to me…” he trailed off, his eyes gazing at the wall opposite and they looked unfocused. 

“Doesn’t mean you're not a good man. You help people, put yourself in danger to help them. That makes you a good man, none of the rest matters,” you whispered, eyes fluttering shut. You didn't get to hear his response because you ended up passing out on him.

Hours went by, rotating between the shower and the bed as your body took a beating. Now you were lying on the bed, duvet off as you shivered violently despite how hot you felt. Goosebumps kept breaking out all over your skin and every time they did, it felt like someone was skinning you alive. Billy was perched on the bed, still only in his boxers and you still wearing his shirt. He was holding a cool damp cloth to your forehead as he watched you cry and whimper as you shook.

“Curtis is gonna come and check on you. Make sure this is all… normal,” he muttered tensely. His eyes drifted from you to the door before back to you and you wondered if he was worried you’d bolt it as soon as the door opened. You didn’t think you could with the state you were in. You couldn't move. Not long after, Billy got up and unlocked the door and Curtis came in. He shot you a pitying look with a sigh before he went over to you.

“Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?” he asked, giving you a sad smile. You couldn't even answer him, a pathetic sob leaving your lips as you lay there shivering. 

“This is… this is normal, right?” Billy asked from where he stood near the door, a panicked edge to his voice. Curtis looked you over again before walking over to Billy.

“Afraid so,” he shook his head with a frown. Billy shifted on his feet, his dark eyes flicking from you to Curtis rapidly.

“Can’t you do somethin’ about the pain? She’s hurtin’ real bad,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“There’s nothing we can do, she just has to ride it out. I’m sorry, brother,” Curtis said apologetically. Billy nodded, the movement jerky as he took a deep breath and rolled his shoulder. 

“Alright… thanks,” he bit out. 

“I got you this, courtesy of Karen. It's lasagne,” Curtis smiled wryly as he handed Billy a Tupperware tub. It idly occurred to you then that Billy hadn't eaten the time he’d been with you. You weren't sure how long it had been and you would have felt guilty if you weren't in agony. 

“I appreciate it, man. Tell Karen thanks,” Billy sighed. Curtis gave him a friendly tap to the arm, shooting you one last sad look before he left. 

You noticed Billy hadn’t locked the door. But weirdly enough, even if you’d had the energy to move, you didn't want to leave anymore. You’d gone through hell and while it wasn't over, you were already knee-deep in this shit. You'd already suffered and it would all be for nothing if you went running off chasing the high once again. Billy’s encouraging words were on a loop in your mind like a mantra as you went through this. You tried to cling to them, to believe you could do this. The addict you was desperate, reckless and riddled with shame. You didn't want to be her anymore, you wanted to be the old you. The one that didn't feel like she’d die if she didn't get her next fix. You couldn't even remember what it was like to not have to worry about all that shit. To just be you without that weighing down on you. You weren't sure how much longer you had to suffer for but you no longer felt the desperate need to leave. You wanted to do this, you wanted to get to the finish line. And you had Billy here to help you, to encourage you to do it. He’d told you that in a few days you’d be thanking him and you knew deep down he was right. You’d never have gotten clean if it was up to you since you’d been too scared to go through with it. You no longer felt angry he’d forced you into this. While the drugs had once numbed you to the pain of the rape, it didn't help you like you thought it would. It became a reminder of it every single time you used, remembering why you started using in the first place. All it did was continue your trauma and add more on top. The man that did this to you didn't just take your dignity. Didn't just take your virginity or your innocence. He’d taken your life from you, turning you to a life of addiction. You’d wasted so much of your life because of the trauma and now you would finally be able to close this chapter of your life. 

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate​

@blanchedelioncourt​

@ariesbutalibra​

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath​

@snowkestrel​

@music-indie-tv​

@idaofinfinity​

@sweetserendipity65​

@ramadiiiisme​

@k-marzolf​

[tonberry-yoda]

Hi! I would like a romantic matchup with Jojo part 7 please! (I love sbr so much, it's my favorite part), but if you think I fit better with another character that isn't from this part, that's okay!

I'm female, my pronouns are she/her and I'm heterosexual.

I really don't like Valentine so... Ew💀

I am shy, smart, a little jealousy, quiet and introverted, but when I feel confortable I become a more talkative person who likes to make jokes.

I like listening to music, watching anime, dancing, reading books, playing with my dogs, and walking around the city.I don't like noisy places, I prefer to stay in my room with Cookie (my dog) watching some series.

I definitely don't like introducing myself to new people lmao. I think my type of guy is the one who is quieter, who would respect me and always support me in all my plans

Musical taste: I like a little bit of everything, but I like listening to pop, like Harry Styles, Rihanna and etc. But I like listening to classical music when I need to relax.

My love language is physical touch, I really like to hug the one I love despite being ashamed.

I would like to mini fic, first date and wedding if you don't mind!

Thank you if you read! Please take care of your health and drink lots of water! (This even serves as a reminder to myself lol)

Hi anon!! I LITERALLY HAVE THE PERFECT MAN FOR YOU OKAY??!?! I literally cannot wait any longer, so let's jump right in!

the character I chose for you is...

JOHNNY JOESTAR!!!

you and him are so similar it's adorable

like when you both meet each other you're both really shy, but he definitely initiates the conversation and then you both get along really flippin well

he thinks you're really funny

its cute when he laughs at your jokes. like his giggles give you butterflies immediately

HE LOVES YOUR DOGS and your dogs love him it's literally so cute

they freak out whenever he comes over

he'll walk with you as best he can (unless we're thinking of the end of SBR when he is able to walk again)

he loves walks nonetheless because he will never take fresh air and a chance to exercise for granted

he will definitely cuddle up and watch TV with you and your dog it's really flippin wholesome

gyro definitely introduced you two to each other lmao

you liked johnny right off the bat because he was shy, but also super sweet and respectful of you

will 150% listen to music with you and chill

HE LOVES HUGS

needs them really

i mean come on, look how sad bubba is all the time, give him a big hug and tell him you love him and he'll love you forever

loves you with all of his heart and will support you always <3

and per your request, here are the add ons you asked for anon :)

FIRST DATE + MINI FIC (i combined them <3)

"I'm just sayin' Johnny," Gyro picked something out of his gold teeth and turned to Johnny, who had his hands in his lap, looking a little nervous. "You should already have asked her on a date."

"It't harder than you think it is, Gyro." Johnny sighed, leaning back in his wheelchair.

"Maybe for the cute little shy boy named Johnny." Gyro grabbed both of his cheeks, making them squish together. "But I really do believe you, buddy. She's pretty and I know that can be intimidating, but hear me out! She likes you. I think she does. Just ask her."

"But-"

"Ah! No buts buddy!" Gyro grabbed Johnny by the shoulders and pushed him to the place where you worked.

You smiled at Johnny as he entered the coffee shop you worked in, your dog Cookie running up to lay kisses all over his face after stepping over his paralyzed lags and onto his lap.

"Good to see you too, Cookie," Johnny giggled, pushing the dog away. "But I didn't come to see you unfortunately."

"Cookie," you laughed, snapping for your dog to come back over to you. "Come over here. Hey Johnny! Want anything to drink?"

"Uh..." he rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. "N-Not today. I uh... Can I..." His face went bright red.

"Is everything okay, Johnny?" You finished up someone's coffee, placing it on the counter.

"Do you wanna go on a date sometime?" It flew out of his mouth so fast that you could barely understand him.

"Y-You really want to go on a date... with me?"

Johnny nodded, still trying to avoid eye contact with you.

"Of course I do, Johnny!"

His eyes finally met your smiling figure. He smiled back. "Y-Yeah! Uh... we can get dinner tonight! Or... whatever you want."

"Dinner sounds great." You smiled, Cookie standing at you arms.

---

"W-Wow." Johnny blushed. "Y-You look... really pretty."

You smiled, and grabbed your dress that complimented your figure perfectly. "You really think so?"

He nodded and grabbed your hand, leading you into the restaurant.

You ended up staying there for hours, laughing and just talking. He offered to buy your meal, and you didn't decline. It didn't even feel real.

Thank god for the wingman Gyro, right?

WEDDING HEADCANONS

he would be able to walk at this point

he would be so nervous omg

and like he would be so giddy

he doesnt want anything too big especially since his dad is a dirtbag, he definitely doesnt want him there

gyro would be the flower girl/best man

well your dog is the flower girl, but gyro has it on a leash

your dog wears a suit/dress

just super small like backyard style wedding

you two would dance the night away since you can now

super romantic, gyro does bawl his eyes out

I hope you enjoyed! thank you for the kind note at the end, please stay hydrated yourself! i also love sbr with all my heart so i hope you loved it <333 thank you!!

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[hellyeahsickaf]

I worded this the way I did for a reason:

"when you're in need of immediate treatment" "especially if you think your life is in danger or something could at least cause severe harm if untreated."

I didn't say make shit up. To be clear, do not make up symptoms you don't have. But if you need to cry to be believed, then fucking cry if you can.

Doctors often do not believe you if you don't appear to be in pain (many pw chronic illnesses are not looking like they're at a 7-9 when they are bc pain is their normal). Or sometimes they're unconvinced for one reason or another. This could have cost me my life on multiple occasions. I have a dissociative disorder so sometimes I can't play it up, it doesn't show because I'm so far removed from my pain. On top of that I'm allergic to NSAIDs. Sometimes addicts experiencing withdrawals say the same so many times I've had to wait hours for any sort of pain relief while they looked over to see if I seemed to be telling the truth. They often don't believe me when I do.

When I was 7 or 8, I fell off of my scooter and landed on the handlebar- directly on my orbital. Half an inch or so further and it would've gone right through my silly little brain. Had every symptom of a concussion but I didn't show the pain much. They just scolded me for not wearing a helmet (would not have prevented the injury). I told them I was in a lot of pain but it didn't show and they didn't believe me. Over a decade later I get an MRI for migraines and they pick up what they believe is a congenital defect or a sign of an old fracture. Essentially "this is probably just a defect but ask the patient if he's ever broken his face" (they didn't ask lol). Looking at the images I knew exactly the injury I was looking at. I was concussed, broke my skull, and they sent me home and told me I was irresponsible

Few days after that injury I passed out, and ate shit and paramedics had to show up. And still all they had to tell me was to drink Pedialyte.

In the post I also added, "This goes much extra if you're black, and doctors and staff have biases, sometimes awful ones. Some even still believe that black people have a better pain tolerance"

I can attest to this as I'm half black (a little less like 40%ish idk). I've been told that I should have a better pain tolerance but I must not have inherited that 🙄. I'm racially ambiguous in appearance (though sometimes if I flare up really bad I get so pale people have thought I was just white lmao) but it is a legitimate belief that some have, that black people just have a better pain tolerance. As mentioned this dates back to slavery. It was used as justification for beating slaves.

Hell my shitty ex even believed it. He was no doctor but he said he learned it in health class. Said some stupid shit about how I should have a better pain tolerance than him and he wasn't joking.

So yeah I agree with you for the most part. Be honest about your symptoms. If you think you have a stomach issue don't tell them you have chest pains if you don't. But if you're not being believed and you have reason to believe something serious is going on, you may need to cry, you may need to hold your stomach and double over. Medical neglect like this could've killed me as recent as last Summer. It wasn't the first or second or even fifth time it was that urgent and they treated me like shit.

Doctors think they know when you're lying and sometimes they're right. Sometimes they're not. I have a lot of experience with them being wrong actually and my first memory of that happening is when I broke my god damn skull. The most recent was when I was laughed at over the phone for asking for pain medication days after I was in the hospital for like 6-8 hours before I was given anything more for my pain than Tylenol

And to address your tags:

The situations I'm talking about is when you are the patient in need of life saving care. Again I'm not saying act like you're having a heart attack when your symptoms allude to appendicitis. I don't understand why you seem to have interpreted this as "pretend you're dying even tho you're clearly not lol"

Lying doesn't make doctors treat me better because I don't lie to them. They also already treat me like shit. But playing up my symptoms (when I can, sometimes I don't have the ability to) has saved me potentially several hours of traumatizing levels of pain and at times probably my life or severe consequences

It's not that I've been manipulated by the hating doctors website. It's just what I've had to do to survive or at least minimize the trauma of the experience

Play up your symptoms in the ER and urgent care when you're in need of immediate treatment. No I am not kidding. This goes much extra if you're black, and especially if you think your life is in danger or something could at least cause severe harm if untreated. Doctors and staff have biases, sometimes awful ones. Some even still believe that black people have a better pain tolerance but that was a lie created to justify American slavery.

[writteninkat]

Heyy🦌 May I have any of the MHA/BNHA boys watch/listen to you simping over other anime characters?

you can pick any characters just remember to have fun with it☺

its can be NSFW or SFW which ever you in the mood for🤗

and of course drink some water and eat daily🥰 we love health people here💅🏿😍

BNHA GUYS REACTING TO YOU SIMPING FOR ANIME CHARACTERS

w/ Bakugou, Kirishima, Kaminari, Iida, Todoroki

a/n: SORRY THIS TOOK A LIL LONG MY GRADE IS D FOR TIME MANAGEMENT + hope you stay healthy too <33 i had just started working out again and honestly my muscles are begging me to stop 😩

navigation

KATSUKI BAKUGOU

either you're with me or you're not, there's no in between. this man gets jealous

and no not the [sulks in the corner crying] jealous I mean the "HAH?! I BET IM BETTER THAN HIM AT THAT" jealous, usual katsuki

the character you simp for can cook? Katsuki will cook you ten meals a day to prove to you he's better than said character

the character has an amazing body? he'll walk around shirtless in the dorms when you're around just to show off his body

who cares if Aizawa might put him in detention for not wearing a shirt? he's got a dignity to uphold and no amount of detention hours can pull him back lmao

SHOTO TODOROKI

definitely gets competitive and not the Katsuki kind of competitive

you simp for Sasuke? he will give you a list of a hundred reasons why Naruto is better.

you simp for Oikawa? "I think Tsukishima is better. He made it to nationals."

you think Levi is hot? "We should call him 'Lev' now that he lost his 'I'. Lmao I think Jean is a better partner for you."

no matter how great the character you simp for is, he will mention another character and explain why the character he chose is better

long story short, just don't mention anything about simping for characters unless you want to have a bad day

he still babie tho <3 will watch your fave anime and read your fave manga with you, just don't mention anything about characters being simp-worthy

DENKI KAMINARI

mf simps with you

nah he doesn't get jealous cause he knows they're just fictional characters and he's the real thing (sounding pretty ironic there, don't ya think?)

"DENKI DID YOU SEE THE NEW AOT EPISODE??!! WE FINALLY GOT EREH PUTTING ON HIS JACKET ANIMATED"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP IM TRYING TO SAVOR THE MOMENT" he yells back, a feet away from his TV as his jaw hangs at how Eren looks.

"ugh I'd let Kaneki eat me." you groan, pausing the anime to look at your boyfriend who's smirking lazily at you, fist bumping you. "you and me, babe."

"I don't understand why girls in black clover simp for Asta so much." You frown to which your boyfriend groans at in agreement. "Exactly! Like Captain Yummy out here serving us mommy milkers for free and the girls don't bat an eye at him."

"babe on three, tell me your first anime crush." you grab onto his knee, shaking it to get his attention. "alright, bet." he nods.

"1..."

"2..."

"3!"

"Usui Takumi!"

"WE REALLY ARE MEANT TO BE!" he yells, pulling you into a bone crushing hug.

TENYA IIDA

doesn't understand why you do

"holy shit Eren's hot!"

"Why would you think that? He's a mass m*rderer."

"Babe you think Kaneki can like...get it?"

"The cannibal?"

"Fuck, I'd eat Sukuna's fingers too, fo sho."

"He didn't help Itadori save Junpei and left him to die. He laughed while he rejected Itadori's request. He also killed Itadori without hesitation once and I don't think he'll bat an eye for you."

"...Never mind Sukuna. Have you seen Megumi's father?"

"Hon his list of crimes are assassinations, mutilation, attempted murder, attempted child-"

"Okay I'm done with your shit just shut up."

EIJIROU KIRISHIMA

he's the exact opposite of Shoto, he'll definitely back you up.

give him ten reasons why you think Kageyama would be an amazing boyfriend and he'll give you an additional twenty more.

he's actually up to date with all the stuff about what's going on with the anime, and if he comes across a new update, he'll text you the link

whenever he finds merchandise of the character you like, he immediately buys it just to see your excited face <3

"Eij, so there's this convention thing about that anime I'm obsessed with and-"

"Sure, what time?"

"What."

"Like what time are we going? I'll need to know so I can clear up my schedule before hand."

he'll let you do his make up and wear the character's costume without a second thought just so you can live out your fangirl dreams <333

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

do you have any theories about the india trip ?? personally, im not sure what to think about it, but i’d love to hear your thoughts !!

(Sorry its taken me so long to answer this - it just got lost in my drafts cause im an idiot lmao 🤦‍♀️)

Im not entirely certain on what I believe happened in India, if in fact anything did happen at all - but more on that later! I guess though that these are the main theories (though if you have any differing opinions/theories, feel free to discuss them!):

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

2. John wanted to further their relationship, and Paul wanted to maintain the ‘friends with benefits’ situation they already had

3. Nothing significant happened between the two (yet something still changed in John)

I’ll try to discuss which theories I find the most convincing, compelling and substantiated - as well as offering my own opinions and hypothesis’s ^^ (discussion bellow the cut)

1. Paul rejected John’s advancements

The theory I would say im most drawn to - not the theory that im necessarily most convinced by though - is that John made a move on Paul, after a few years of pining for him, and was subsequently rejected. Its a theory that I tend to be compelled by, but I have to admit that its one I struggle to justify entirely. The problem with this theory, for me, is that this is a conclusion ive drawn based mostly off of what their relationship appeared to look like after India. It seems as though something must have happened between them to have ruptured their relationship as profoundly as it did - and because they were on relatively good terms before India*, combined with certain inferences we could draw from comments John made regarding his feelings towards Paul and their relationship, it feels as though it’s possible that he made an advance on Paul, which was rejected and thus caused the ultimate disintegration of the Lennon/McCartney relationship.

(*I mean, their relationship was always complicated and difficult - but it seems that it was okay-ish prior to India, and then just inexplicably plummeted after the trip)

But nobody (as far as im aware) has confirmed, or even really alluded to, this advancement or rejection ever having happened. And the lack of evidence substantiating the claim is a major draw back for me!

However, I do also feel as though nobody’s really come out about anything that happened in India - all ive heard is that they meditated, wrote songs, John and Cyn fought, and Ringo ate baked beans. But like, more must have happened on the trip, surely? Im not saying the absence of information regarding the trip is proof that there was a big “lovers quarrel” between John and Paul, and that everyone involved in that trip is now just sworn to secrecy or something - but like, id just like to see a biographer really investigate the holiday, and try to conclude what events might have occurred during the trip, because as of right now, with the information we have, it seems to have been, bizarrely, both a lacklustre and uneventful, yet still hugely impactful event. If the narrative of the “India trip” were to be shifted in the future in light of new information, the same way the narrative of “Let It Be/Get Back” is being changed, I wouldn’t be surprised!

2. John wanted more, but Paul didn’t

Another popular theory is that John and Paul were engaged in something of a physical affair, but in India John proposed (or perhaps demanded even) that they take their relationship further, and Paul just wasn’t compelled to do so.

Beliefs vary regarding this, based on how far you personally think their relationship went: some might say they only ever did a little drunken experimenting with one another, and that it was just a fun fling until John suggested they take it further. Others might argue that they were in fact in a committed relationship, and John wanted to go public with it - or at the very least, demanded exclusivity between him and Paul.

In entertaining this theory, im most compelled to believe that John and Paul were engaged in occasional “flings”, and perhaps by ‘68 were even acknowledging that there was some deeper and more sincere between them - but ultimately, I don’t think Paul would have ever been inclined to fully commit to John, because I think he always wanted children and a family. In addition to this, though its clear John and Paul were passionate about one another, it isn’t clear how compatible they were in the long term - and with Paul being the more grounded of the too, I suspect he would have recognised this incompatibility, which John (the idealist) might not have.

Though I admit that John could certainly be unrealistic and irrational, im not convinced that he suggested to Paul they go public with their relationship, because I think John still had a fairly strong sense of his place in popular culture, and would have still been able to recognise that if they were to “come out”, it would probably deeply and irreparably damage both their careers - as well as George and Ringo’s too - at least amongst the general public. They’d still have some ardent fans, but their following overall would have become far more niche, and the “beatlemania” would’ve worn off swiftly. Im not sure if either of them would’ve been willing to take that heat in ‘68, especially not Paul, who as I mentioned earlier, I think might have recognised the futility and incompatibility inherent in their relationship.

Then again though, John was always a little “cocky”* when it came to his sexuality - I think if an interviewer were to genuinely have enquired into his sexuality, straight up asking him “Are you bi? Gay?” I get the sense that he would have told us! Sure he’d probably have dressed the response up with a dozen quick quips and jokes, but ultimately, I think he would have given a sincere response. And so, perhaps he did feel he had the confidence, at least in India, to actually “come out”, but if Paul wasn’t willing to make this official with him, perhaps this confidence dissipated.

(*No pun intended you pervs🤦‍♂️)

Another thing to note about India is that they’d have been relatively secluded, as well as off the drugs/drinks for the most part - and this would have forced them to really reflect upon their relationship. Perhaps John saw that he wasn’t contented with Cynthia, and recognised his desire for more from Paul - and so in such a raw state of mind, I can see how he’d become so shattered if Paul were to have rejected him (that statement could relate both to the first and second theory, I feel). Perhaps John made an advance upon Paul whilst they were both sober for the first time, and that changed their relationship somehow? Just thinking out loud here!

But again, this theory overall has the same problem as the first in that, though it appears to make sense, it still lacks proof; it ultimately isn’t a substantiated claim.

3. Nothing happened between J&P, but something changed

This is probably the theory that everybody is least interested in hearing, but I still think its a pretty valid one, albeit the least dramatic (In my opinion though its still a really interesting perspective to explore though!).

Its possible that nothing of particular significance happened in India, but something still shifted in John, causing him to vilify and reject Paul. The issue with this though, is that it begs the question: why did John undergo such a significant change in India then?

Id argue that perhaps John was making very subtle and slight moves towards Paul, that Paul either ignored or didn't pick up on. Id assume that perhaps John had been hinting at this desire for awhile now, and maybe he got it into his head that in India, where him and Paul would have a lot of time to be alone and intimate, his feelings would finally be reciprocated. But then, Paul never picked up on these hints, and never made any advancements - and this broke something within John. It would fit neatly within the Yoko narrative, because it offers reasoning to the abrupt but intense attachment John formed towards her almost immediately after India - as well as explaining the sudden vilification of Paul. But I suppose that the first two theories also fit pretty neatly within the Yoko narrative, because they all relate to the same basic concept that John wanted more from Paul, and Paul didn’t - and so he tried to replace him with Yoko.

I suppose though, that the this theory overall could also be countered by making the argument that Paul also began to spiral after India, and so some occurrence presumably must have happened to Paul too. I wonder though if its possible that maybe Pauls spiralling was kind of a result of Johns? I get the sense though that Paul would need a change in his life to cause his mental health to seriously deteriorate, but I don’t feel like the same is necessarily true for John - I think John is sort of the type to spiral, irregardless of whether his life undergoes a significant change or not, because I think John was the force driving a lot of the drama and troubles throughout his lifetime. So if Johns mental well-being started seriously deteriorating, I can see this being a cause of panic and anxiety for Paul.

But something that further inclines me to believe that an actual event occurred between John and Paul is this extract from Geoff Emmericks memoir (x)(id recommend reading the entire extract, its interesting!):

‘I glanced in Paul’s direction. He was staring straight ahead, expressionless and weary. He didn’t have much to say about India that day, or any other. I sensed at that moment that something fundamental in them had changed.”’

It just really feels as though there was some confrontation between John and Paul that had to have happened to perpetuate the miscommunication later seen between them. Like if there hadn’t been some kind of confrontation, then I can’t really understand why Paul would be reluctant to speak about India, or harbour any regrets or dismay regarding the journey. Perhaps you could drill it down to the betrayal they appeared to have felt by Maharishi allegedly hitting on girls - but I feel like this was a “betrayal” mostly felt by John, I never really got the sense that Paul was deeply effected by it.

But yeah - those are the main theories I think.

Overall, I think that the third theory is probably the most substantiated claim, but I think it leaves a lot to desired. It just doesn’t feel like it totally fits together, as though theres more to the story - but I guess relationships and peoples psyches aren’t puzzles, and so not everything is always going to piece together perfectly; but I dunno.

Like I said though, the theory im most compelled by is the first. I acknowledge that it lacks evidence, but it just seems to make a lot of sense to me! But really, who knows what the hell happened in India?

If anyone else has an opinion on all this, or wants to expand upon or even suggest a new theory, feel free to! I always like hearing from you guys!

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Yes ! Can you maybe do an imagine where the reader breaks up with Will because they dont think they’re good enough for him ?? But with a happy ending where they get back together because he really wants to be with them

Of course, sweet Anon!😊 Man, y'all really love angst lmao In retrospect, this might be a bit too angsty😬I blame Bo Burnham's Inside

This imagine is going to be really depressing, like a lot. There will be mentions of attempted suicide and self harm so, SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING.

~~~~~~~~~~

It had been over a year since you broke up with Will.

You'd never felt more depressed in your life, but you thought it was the right decision at the time. What bullshit that turned out to be...

Your crippling insecurity forced your mind to think you didn't deserve to have someone as amazing as Will, he was so thoughtful and you were so, well, so dependent.

You weren't in the best stage of your life when you met Will, you were in a really dark place and you had even more trouble getting out of it. You haven't really made much progress since then, but you tried.

You just wanted to feel better for once. Every day, you just felt like you were drowning and taking Will with you.

He was your rock, and he made sure that he was right beside you every time you felt bad. Of course, being an actor, he had to go away sometimes and you always told him that you'd be fine. You weren't, of course, but you were always so happy for him whenever he'd book a film or TV show because it made him happy.

There were days you just felt numb, mostly when Will wasn't with you. Those days you'd just lay in your bed, sob uncontrollably until the exhaustion would put you to sleep.

Will felt helpless, and you could always see it on his face. He was worried about you, he wanted to help you, but it wasn't something that he could change or do anything about. Him worrying about you day and night made you feel even worse, that was not what you wanted for him. He deserved to be with something that lifted him up and encouraged him, not someone who's depressing all the time and unintentionally bringing him down with them. No...you didn't want that for him at all.

It was inevitable, but it didn't make it any easier to break up with him.

Will's heartbroken face would forever be engrained in your mind, but you kept telling yourself it was in his best interest.

You cried the hardest you ever cried in your entire life. You loved him so much, you didn't want to let him go, but you couldn't let your toxicity ruin his life. And you honestly thought that it would get better in time, but it only made your mental state deteriorate ever more.

One night, when the pain got too hard to handle, you took and broke your shaving razors, taking out the blades.

In hindsight, you really wished you hadn't, you felt embarrassed about it for the longest time. But trying to look on the bright side, it did force you to finally get the professional help you needed. Therapy, medication, the whole nine yards. You kicked yourself for not getting yourself help sooner, because you felt better now that you were going to therapy.

You still struggled a lot, but you knew once you found the right medication, it would become more bearable, and it did eventually. It took a lot of hard work.

You thought about Will a lot, what he was up to, if he found someone else that he loved. The thought was painful, but all you wanted for him was to find true happiness.

One day, you decided to go out to a coffee shop one morning, as opposed to just Postmateing yourself like you normally did. Your therapist did say you needed to get out more, so you took their advice.

You walked through town, a simple little coffee shop catching your eye. The name sounded familiar to you, though you couldn't quite place why. You didn't think you'd been to this place before, you usually made your own coffee, but you wanted to give it a try.

The light ring of a bell filled your ears as you opened the front door. It was a really cold morning, so the warm heat hitting your skin and inhaling the strong smell of coffee and freshly made bakeries put a small smile on your face.

You were thankful that there wasn't a line, possibly to early in the morning, maybe you got there before the usual early birds. Though looking around, it was a small place, only a few book readers scattered amongst the small tables that were set up opposite of the counter where you ordered.

While waiting for your coffee, a wall full of art caught your eye. You walked closer to look at all the pieces, all of them painted by customers. Hmm, cute...

You didn't really acknowledge the bell ringing once more, signaling an arrival of another customer, to focused on the pretty art.

"Hey!" You heard one of the workers say cheerfully, probably addressing the new customer. "Your usual, Will?"

Your smile dropped. Ha, what are the odds, right?

"Yep, of course. Thank you."

Then, your heart dropped.

You recognized that voice anywhere. Now you knew why this shop sounded so familiar, it was Will's favorite place to get coffee, he had mentioned it to you before. Of course, of all the coffee places in town, you had to pick this one.

You slowly turned around, your heart beating out of your chest and almost coming to a complete stop once you laid eyes on his face. That face you always thought about, even in your dreams. "Wi-"

"Y/n!" You cringed as the coffee shop worker called out your name, telling you that your coffee was ready.

Will immediately snapped his gaze over to you, clearly having trouble believing it was actually you. You stood there awkwardly, having a hard time reading his expression. Was he mad? Sad? Happy?

"Y/n." Will almost whispered, taking a couple steps closer to you.

Will looked the same, just as handsome as when you last saw him. His eyes were locked onto you, looking you over in awe. He thought you looked so much healthier now, but always thinking that you look stunning, no matter the circumstance.

"How...how are you?" Will started, a small smile finally stretching across his lips. "You look," He chuckled softly, "amazing."

You looked down slightly when your face started to burn, all of your blood seeming to rush right to your face from one simple compliment. "Thank you." You said sheepishly. "You look amazing too, as usual."

Now it was Will's turn to blush, his easy to spot with his fair complexion. "Uh, do you wanna, maybe, sit down? Or we could go somewhere else, if you want to, that is. Don't feel pressured or anything." He rambled.

You smiled. "Yeah, sure." You grabbed your coffee and joined Will at the table he chose to sit at. "So, uh, how've you been?" You asked, taking tiny sips of your hot drink.

"Good, good. I'll be filming a new project soon, so that'll be fun." Will paused for a beat, then sighing despairingly . "I've been, uh, thinking about you. A lot."

"I've been thinking about you too."

"I kinda lied. I am filming something soon but, I haven't been good. Ever since we broke up, life just...kind of feels a bit grey now."

You frowned, biting your lip hard to keep tears from welling up in your eyes. "I'm sorry, Will..." You whispered. "I thought you'd be better off without me to drag you down. I was such a burden."

Will furrowed his brows, shaking his head with a frown. "No. You weren't dragging me down, I loved you, Y/n. I would've done anything for you. I know that you struggled a lot with your mental health, but I wanted to be with you through all that. I never thought you were a burden, not for a second."

"I just," You wiped an unwanted tear from your cheek, "I don't think I was ready to be in a relationship then. I've been working really hard on my health and now that I have a clearer mindset, I think it was probably for the best that I broke up with you when I did."

Will took a deep breath. "I respect that. I do. I'm happy for you, that you're better now. I don't want this to come off as selfish...but I still love you. I want to be with you. But I understand if you can't be in a relationship right now. I'll wait for you, as long as it takes if you'll let me."

You blushed furiously once more. At this point, you practically wanted to throw yourself at this man. You didn't care if it didn't work out again, you still wanted him, badly.

"I still love you too, Will. Always have."

Will smiled softly. "I don't want you to be my partner again if you're not ready."

"I don't know if I am, I'm still working on myself, but...goddamn I wanna kiss you so bad right now." You said, eliciting another blush and a shy laugh from Will.

You answered him by leaning forward slowly, rubbing your nose against his before gent as you smiled widely at him, leaning closer. You almost shivered as his cold hands reached over to delicately trace your jawline, the gesture automatically putting you in a sort of trance where you could only look into his eyes.

"I really want to kiss you." Will giggled, fully cupping the side of your jaw. "May I?"

You answered him by leaning forward slowly, rubbing your nose against his before gently connecting your lips with his.

Over a year of wanting and missing Will, you ignored your dislike of PDA, you've needed this for so long. The spark you always felt when you kissed him was still there, still giving you goosebumps along with an intense desire you definitely couldn't act on in this coffee shop.

Will pulled away, only to rest his forehead against yours, his eyes closed just relishing in the moment. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too." You chuckled breathlessly.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to rush back into things. We can take it slow if that's what you want."

This man was always such a gentleman, but it just made you even more eager to take him home with you.

"Right now, I don't think I'm capable of taking things slow." You said, a almost seductive tone to your voice.

Will smiled playfully, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "That's absolutely not taking things slow."

"How about we go to my place? Make up all the lost time?" You asked not as confidently, the feeling of rejection making you nervous, but Will smiled gently, taking a hold of your hand and kissing you once more.

"Lead the way."

~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed! Hopefully it wasn't too depressing and dark in the beginning.

[khaleesiofalicante]

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

TAVVY

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!

[c-is-writing]

i do adore

pairing: wanda maximoff x gn!reader

genre: f l u f f

word count: 1775

warnings: yet again, i did not proofread this lmao. i am just typing whatever comes to my mind. otherwise, it’s just really fluffy so pls enjoy!!

a/n: good morning, i am writing this at 1am. i should be working on my college apps but this fic was just living in my mind rent-free and would not leave until i wrote it. also, this fic is inspired by and has lyrics from a song called “i do adore” by mindy gledhill. it’s a really cute song :’DD

Everything you do, it sends me

Higher than the moon with every

Twinkle in your eye

You strike a match that lights my heart on fire

 Ever since you had joined the Avengers, a certain brunette always caught your eye. You’d find yourself paying more attention to her than anyone else. At this moment, you lean against the kitchen counter, completely entranced by the way she spoke animatedly to Natasha. The way her hair cascaded down her shoulders. The way she waved her hands around, using her actions to emphasize what she’s saying. How the kitchen lights gleamed in her eyes, illuminating them. 

God, she’s so cute. And smart. And genuine. And caring. I- “Hello? Y/N? You there?” You are quickly brought out of your thoughts as a grimy hand waved in front of your face, blocking your view of Wanda. Your face scrunches up in disgust as you grip Tony’s grease-covered hand to stop it from moving, only to release it immediately after. Smiling, Wanda watches you glance at your now-dirty hands and start searching for a towel, careful not to get anything else dirty. You mumble, “Yeah, yeah. Sorry, just..distracted.”  

Natasha notices that the young girl’s attention is elsewhere and decides to put a pause on the conversation. As she bids her goodbyes, Wanda takes it as her cue to head over to where you were, crouched next to the cabinets, searching for soap. “Need help?” The melody of her words steals your attention as you turn your head, meeting her blue eyes. Suddenly, your heart begins to pound and you can hear the heartbeats in your ears. At a loss for words, you shake your head and quickly rush out of the kitchen, not caring about your dirty hands. Wanda just stands in the kitchen alone, wondering about what just happened.

 When you're near, I hide my blushing face

And trip on my shoelaces

Grace just isn't my forté

But it brings me to my knees when you say

Hello, how are you, my darling, today?

I fall into a pile on the floor

 It’s been only a day since the kitchen incident and that’s when you realized that you, Y/N L/N, have a crush on the one and only Wanda Maximoff. Groaning and draping your arm over your eyes, you ask seemingly no one “Oh, God. What if she doesn’t like me back?” You’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as you begin to think about her. You like, maybe even love, everything about her. Flashes of her laughs and smiles run through your head, like cars on a freeway until a knock on your door disturbs you. It creaks open and you have yet to remove your arm that’s covering your eyes. 

You feel the bed dip as you hear the voice you’ve grown to love, “Hey, how are you, darling? It seemed like you weren’t feeling well yesterday.” Feeling the blood rush to your cheeks, you bury your face into the pillow as you slowly melt into it. In a muffled voice, “I’m fine, Wans. I think I’m just tired.” She knows that there’s something you’re not telling her but she refrains from looking into your thoughts. “Okay, well, I just wanted to let you know that breakfast is ready.” and with that she gets up and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.  

Sighing, you sit up and start getting ready for the day. Your mind can’t stop thinking about the way she called you darling, causing you to fumble with everything you come into contact with. In your flustered state, you nearly drop your phone, accidentally put on mismatching socks, and trip over yourself as you open the door. Quickly composing yourself, you take a breath and start heading towards breakfast. Oh boy, what a start to my morning.

 We're as different as can be

I've noticed you're remarkably relaxed

And I'm overly uptight

We balance out each other nicely

 “Y/N?! When’s the last time you took a break?”

“Uhhh, I’m not sure...but I just have so much paperwork to complete, I can’t really afford to take a break.”

“Nope. You’re taking one right now. Your health and sanity is more important than some paperwork.”

“But, Wans, I-”

“No buts. I’m going to a café and I’m dragging you with me”

Admitting defeat, you place the pen in your hand down and mark out where you stopped. Your joints crack as you rise up from the chair that you’ve been sitting in for almost 8 hours. Wanda gives you a smile and holds her hand out, signaling for you to take it. Gently taking a hold of her hand, she pulls you along with her, not noticing how clammy they are. 

A few minutes after you leave the compound, you readjust your grip on her hand to interlace each others’ fingers. As you walk at a steady rhythm, you feel more relaxed, all of the stress from the paperwork leaving your body. Wanda takes note of how your shoulders aren’t as tense and you seem to be enjoying yourself. She carefully looks over your figure; how the sun reflects in your eyes, bringing out their color, how the wind gently ruffles your hair, how you sigh contently when you lean your head against her shoulder. 

“Thanks for bringing me out here.” She squeezes your hand, “Of course, Y/N. I care about you. Plus, it looked like you really needed a break from that hellish paperwork.” Laughing at her comment, you don’t notice how Wanda looks at you as if you were a masterpiece in an art gallery; her eyes, full of adoration.

 Puppy love is hard to ignore

When every little thing you do, I do adore

 Arriving at the café shortly after, Wanda holds the door open for you as you step in, the smell of coffee beans and gingerbread floating through the air. She giggles as your eyes light up when they spot the gingerbread cookies on display. You turn your head to face her, offering a shy smile that sends butterflies into her stomach. Walking up to the counter, you realize that you aren’t holding hands anymore so you slowly link your pinky with hers, hoping that she’ll get the message. As she orders your guys’ drinks and a gingerbread cookie for you, she feels your finger hook on to hers. While the barista finalizes the order, Wanda releases your pinky finger, only to reattach her hand to yours, interlocking fingers once more. 

After paying, you opt to sit at a table next to a large window with plants placed along the windowsill. Wanda looks at the outside world, lost in her thoughts as she unconsciously brushes her thumb against your knuckles in a soothing motion. You take this time to commit this moment to memory -- Wanda watching the cars pass by as the golden sunset behind her creates a glowing aura surrounding her body. Spending a few more seconds basking in this quiet moment with her, you realize that you want more than what you have with her. You want to wake up next to her. You want to be the shoulder that she cries on. You want to be the person whose arms hold her up and protect her when she is too tired to do so. You want to be hers. 

Hearing her name being called, Wanda pries her eyes away from the cars and sees you staring at her with eyes full of adoration and love. She gives your hand a light squeeze and promises to be back as she heads to the counter to pick up the drinks and cookie. As she returns with the drinks in hand, you graciously take yours and, with a child-like excitement, ask “Is that for me?” when you notice the gingerbread cookie in her hand. Giggling at your reaction, she tells you yes and slides it over to you. 

 Finding words, I mutter

Tongue-tied, twisted

Foot in mouth, I start to stutter

Ha, ha, Heaven help me

The two of you fall into an effortless conversation that never stops until the café reaches its closing hours. You notice the time and can’t believe that you’ve been talking for nearly three hours with Wanda. As you apologize to the employees for staying so late, Wanda has a fond smile and reaches out for your hand. Grabbing her hand, you step outside and begin your walk back to the compound. For a majority of the walk, it’s quiet with the gentle tapping of your shoes on the sidewalk and occasional car passing by. You keep thinking about Wanda and how much you want to be with her. Wanda glances over, only to see you spaced out, thoughts swirling in your mind. 

“What’s on your mind, Y/N?” 

“Aren’t you able to read other people’s minds?” you quip. 

She chuckles and says, “Yes, but I would never read your mind without consent.” You pause, debating on whether or not you should tell her. Noticing your sudden silence, Wanda tilts her head in confusion and stops walking, pulling you back to her. The stop in movement brings you out of your thoughts. You quickly glance down and reach for her hand that’s not being held. Holding both of her hands, you look up to see her eyes, filled with concern. 

“Look, Wans. I-” You sigh and look down at your shoes, unsure of what you want to say. A few moments of silence pass by as you take a deep breath and confess, “Wanda, I really like you. Hell, I might even love you. I love the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh, the way you take care of me and check in on me, the way you control your powers and wield them with such grace. Everything you do, I do adore. And, I just- I...I was wondering if youwouldliketobemygirlfriend?” 

Wanda blinks at you with a dumbfounded expression, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that last bit.” You hesitate, “Well, I- uh, um...Wanda, would you like to be my girlfriend?” After hearing those words, she flashes you a smile brighter than the sun and pulls you in a hug. “Yes, I would love to be yours, Y/N.” You release the breath you didn’t notice you were holding and stay in her embrace, soaking in the warmth radiating from her body. She pulls away slightly and moves to kiss you, pausing and searching your eyes for permission. With a slight nod, you move closer and meet her lips halfway. I really do adore her.

tag list (marvel) - @imnotasuperhero​

(if you would like to be added to my tag list, please let me know!!! :DD)

[husbandomail-archive]

May I please request headcanons for the main Bakugan boys reacting to hearing their s/os are feeling under the weather?

ngl I kinda took this idea and ran with it lmao, I hope this is okay!

Dan:

Dan finally recognizes that sometimes people just need their own space, so when you go a few days without texting or calling him, he’s not super worried. It is rare for you to go a week without talking to each other though, so after Runo asks if he’s seen you lately, he picks up the phone to call you; when you answer the line, voice thick with sleep and sickness, he immediately feels guilty for not checking on you sooner.

Dan’s. . . really not the best at taking care of people, not gonna lie. He barely manages to feed himself consistently. So after he’s assessed the situation, figured out if you need to get to the hospital or if you just need to stay home for awhile, he ends up turning to his mother for advice; she always seems to know everything, so she’s able to make suggestions on how he can help you out. And since you’re so important to her son, Mrs. Kuso is worried about you too— she makes a bunch of homemade meals and sweets and sends them off with Dan each time he comes to visit you.

He does his best to help around the house while you’re ill, but honestly, he’ll only make a bigger mess. Dan is much better as company— he’ll sit on the floor with you, in a big nest of blankets and pillows, snacking on sweets and ice cream and watching stupid things on TV until you fall asleep in his lap. 

Shun:

Even while your relationship is still new, Shun is more attentive than you’d realized, so he notices pretty quickly that your health is going downhill. He quietly begins suggesting that you rest more often, but even that fails to negate whatever you’re catching— eventually your health takes you out for a few days. He does a pretty good job at hiding it, but seeing you sick makes Shun really anxious— he knows you’re not dealing with anything serious, but after losing his mother, seeing anyone he loves get ill does scare him. Because of that, he tends to hover over you, checking and checking and checking that you’re okay.

With his family being as traditional as they are, Shun has a lot of natural remedies for you to try while you’re feeling sick. It ranges from eating certain fruits to drinking, uh, concoctions that he and his grandfather throw together. If you ask him what’s in this latest drink, he’ll try to explain it to you, but it’s pretty difficult keeping up. Just trust him on this.

Shun’s anxiety surrounding sickness practically drives him up the wall. Eventually he just asks if you’d be willing to stay in his family home while you’re under the weather— he’d feel so much better knowing that he’s just moments away at all times, in case things take a turn and you really need someone. If you try to argue, he assures you the Kazami home is big enough that you won’t be imposing at all; he wants to take care of you, and this is the best way to do that.

Marucho:

Marucho’s not above making use of his family’s money; as soon as you admit that you’ve been feeling kinda gross lately, he’s quick to start asking you to just let a doctor take a look at you, just in case. He can get you to one of the best physicians in the world with no problem, so you might as well take the offer— because if you don’t, he breaks out the puppy eyes.

Like Shun, Marucho offers you a room in his house while you’re sick; his family absolutely has the means to take care of you for years on end, so you borrowing one of the many spare bedrooms for a week is really no big deal. It also gives Marucho the chance to spoil you, which he loves; he doesn’t necessarily want to flaunt his wealth, but listen, when else does he have the chance to order the most expensive room service you’ve ever seen.

As long as you’re feeling strong enough to walk, he loves taking you on an endless tour of the place. He’s got dozens of game rooms, one or two personal theaters, a bowling alley. Even though their home is huge, it was designed with comfort in mind, so there’s always a place to pause and rest when you start to feel lethargic; when exhaustion suddenly hits you out of nowhere, the two of you can just curl up on the plush carpet of yet another interesting room and fall asleep right there.

Ace:

Ace isn’t exactly upfront with his emotions— the news that you’ve gotten sick does make him incredibly nervous, but he can’t bring himself to outright admit he’s worried about you. Instead he shows up at your front door, calling you stupid for catching a cold or whatever, and then he’s complaining about the fact that you just can’t be unsupervised. He’s blushing the entire time. Don’t call him out on it, or he’ll turn around and go home.

Well, once he’s through the door and in your living room, Ace is a bit at a loss as to what comes next; he knows he wants to take care of you somehow, but he’s not going to tell you that. You know him well enough to read him like a book, though—  if you say you’ll make dinner for you both, he’ll snarl about how he doesn’t want your germs in his food, he’ll do the cooking and you should go lay down. It’s almost comical how easily you can pull his strings.

Despite complaining the entire time, Ace does everything you could possibly need, taking care of your home for you while you eat dinner and watch a movie or something. After he’s finished, he joins you on the couch, saying something about being too tired to go home right now— that’s just his way of saying he doesn’t want to leave you yet. Eventually you doze off on his shoulder, and he finds himself absent-mindedly running his hands through your hair as you sleep.

Baron:

Baron naturally worries about the people he cares for— that, combined with his Oldest Sibling Syndrome, means that as soon as you tell him you’re feeling sick, he is on his way. There’s nothing you can do to talk him out of showing up at your front door to help you out somehow. Accept your fate.

He rarely gets the chance to show you this side of himself, but Baron turns out to be a lot like a mother hen. He insists that you rest as much as possible, but if you want his company while you feel bad, he’ll help you get comfortable on the couch instead of alone in your bedroom. He’s constantly checking your temperature and wheedling you to take your medicine, but you might be able to get out of that by making puppy eyes at him. And while he’s not extraordinarily talented at it, he can at least cook and clean too— he does his best to take care of the house for you, so that you don’t have to worry about anything as you focus on getting better. 

Since he worries so much about you, even if you’re not seriously ill, Baron eventually builds up the courage to ask if he can stay over for a few days; he can’t stand the idea of you maybe collapsing or passing out while he’s not around to help you somehow, and he doesn’t mind getting sick himself, if it means you’re okay.

Keith:

Keith is probably the most relaxed about you getting sick. It’s nothing serious, you probably just need to rest for awhile— he does his best to soothe you, because stressing yourself out will only make you feel even worse. He also knows that you’ve got a penchant for rebellion, so even if he tried telling you what to do, you probably wouldn’t listen.

He’s not super well-versed in Earth customs yet, so his first thought isn’t really getting you to a doctor; instead he falls back on his Vestal memories, and he ends up cooking a lot of comfort foods he loved as a child, things his own parents would make when he got sick too. They’re definitely. . . different, including ingredients that you’re not even sure are edible, but. Keith manages to talk you into trying at least one bite, and it’s all surprisingly good.

Listen. You’re lucky you’re so important to him— at the sight of you all curled up on the couch, eyes slightly glazed with fever, tossing the blankets back and forth because you can’t get comfortable, Keith will finally relent and let you wear his old coat. It’s deliciously soft and warm, and even though he no longer wears it, it’s still coated in his familiar cologne. If you ask cutely enough, he’ll let you wear it to bed too.

Jake:

When you text Jake that you can’t make it to his next game because you’re not feeling good, he’s incredibly tempted to just bail on his team and check on you instead. You know him too well, though— before he can shrug off his uniform, he’s gotten a second message telling him that he’d better win this round for you. Okay, fine, he’ll play the game— but as soon as it’s over, he’s coming to check on you.

Admittedly, Jake isn’t the most domestic man; he’s well aware that he can’t really cook, so when he rings your doorbell, he’s carrying an almost comical amount of food from your favorite local restaurants. That way you’ve got enough food for the next few days, something quick and easy to warm up so you don’t exhaust yourself. 

Jake stops by to check on you every day after work or class. Like Dan, even though he tries to help with housework, he’s just inexperienced enough that it’s not really worth it. He’s good at keeping your spirits up, though; Jake’s energy and smiles have always been contagious, and he doesn’t mind being with you even when you’re feeling incredibly low, so he’s always there if you ever need someone.

Ren:

Ren generally keeps to himself. He meets up with the Brawlers one day, only for Dan to tell everyone that you’re sick and won’t be around for awhile; the group all begin discussing who’s got the time in their busy schedules to check on you, and before he knows it, Ren has volunteered. It surprises the others, because none of them thought he was that close to you, but. . . as long as someone can make sure you’re okay.

The first time he stops by to check on you, Ren is stiff and nervous. Conversation is stilted; he asks the basics, like if you’ve been to a doctor or if you want him to get you to one, do you have any medication to take, have you managed to eat anything today. Feeling awkward, he’s tempted to just go home once you’ve said you’re okay for now— but if you ask him to stay awhile, saying you don’t want to be alone just yet, he will.

It doesn’t take too much longer for Ren to really get comfortable with you; of course it sucks that you’re under the weather, but he’s rarely gotten to spend time with you like this, so the two of you are slowly getting to know each other in a much more casual context. The whole situation is a bonding experience that you wouldn’t have predicted.

Rafe:

Rafe is a sweetheart; on one hand, he can tell that you’ve been a bit low-energy lately, but he also doesn’t want to impose on you by telling you see a doctor or take a few days off. Because of that, he stays a lot closer to you for a few days, just to make sure you don’t overwork yourself— and the moment you can no longer deny you’re sick, he’s there to lead you to your room so you can sleep it off.

He’s attentive to the point of being almost smothering; he checks on you consistently, and if you’ve crawled out of bed to do something else, he’s quick to usher you back and demand you rest. He brings you the best meals he can put together— too bad if you don’t like chicken noodle soup, because he’s heard that’s what humans need when they’re sick, so that’s what you’re getting. He’s also very insistent that you take your medicine, there’s no way you can get out of that. The best part about all this, though— he’s one of the boys who can actually manage a home, so he’s definitely got your laundry and dishes under control.

Sure, you might appreciate his attention, but when he’s got his mind set on something he can be intense— one day, when he tells you to get back in bed until you feel better, you grab him by the sleeve and whine until he agrees to rest with you for awhile. It takes some convincing, but eventually he’ll curl up in bed with you; he might grumble that you should take another nap, but he’s also willing to read to you, or watch a movie, or just talk until you’re tired.

[appleflavoredkitkats]

stagnant;

author’s note: been a while! this isn't as long as my other fics, but i wanted to write this because i just like the concept of fundy in las nevadas, okay? and smoke breaks. i love writing smoke breaks. and of course, i will be writing about fundy because i am biased and he deserves better lmao. this is all written before the las nevadas arc ever occurs, so if there are any discrepancies by the time las nevadas finishes, that ain't my fault.

also! all of this is platonic! i view schlatt as fundy's other father figure. for quackity, i don't necessarily view him as 100% manipulative towards fundy and schlatt, but you're free to interpret him in any way you want. and yes, i know the situation about schlatt, and i don't support the actions of the cc, but i do enjoy his dsmp character nonetheless.

DO NOT SEND THIS FIC TO ANY CONTENT CREATOR!! be nice!!

laslty, special thanks to my good friend dany from the dsmpanalysis discord server for beta-ing my fic!

relationships: platonic fundy & schlatt (father-son relationship)

warnings: trauma, smoking, gambling, drinking, alcoholism, substance abuse, self-harm (accidentally burning oneself), slight mentions of fire, parental neglect (from wilbur), unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied depression or mental illness, mental health struggles, addiction, references to past violence, death idealization, underaged gambling, arguments (in the background), and general angst!

word count: 1878

summary: fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps are then heard behind fundy, but even then, fundy doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk.

or, it's midnight in las nevadas, and fundy has a smoke break with schlatt. he reflects on the state of the server, and he reflects on himself.

( ao3 link )

a click of a lighter, the tapping of dress shoes against chiseled quartz, the rummaging of pockets to fetch another fresh pack of cigs. his paws work automatically: slicing the plastic cover with his claws, fumbling the top open, and finally selecting a cigarette from the batch, twirling it between his fingers to the sound of muffled, jazzy tunes in the background.

with the smoke in between his sharp fangs, he guides the lighter to the end of the stick. there’s a deep inhale, letting the smoke fizzle into his lungs, latching onto every feeling of remorse, regret, guilt, sadness, pain, hurt, trauma, everything— 

and fundy exhales, all of those icky sensations evaporating into misty smoke.

this cycle of mindless smoking continues as fundy stands idly on his hotel room’s balcony. up ten stories high, fundy looms over almost everything in las nevadas. despite it being midnight, las nevadas’ visitors never relent. from above, staring with droopy eyes, fundy sees all four casinos lit up brighter than a neighbourhood during the holidays. no bulbs malfunction, thankfully; all of them flicker and twinkle as if there was something to celebrate about in this place full of deceit and temporary bliss. the bars, while more mellow, have the calmest of tunes blasting from their jukeboxes. when fundy first started working here, he remembers being fond of upbeat tunes like these, but they’ve quickly grown stale, or maybe fundy’s just grown tone deaf overtime. who knows?

everything about this place grows on fundy like a terrible rash. sometimes, he does enjoy the outgoing crowds and customers, but sometimes, the noise overwhelms him— ear-piercing, annoying, inharmonious. so, he ends up in places like his dishevelled room, unkempt from all the alcohol and exhaustion and the fact that he just doesn’t  want to give a fuck anymore. but as much as his room is reminiscent of the rubble he left in his original base, he at least feels at ease with the sounds he hears from above. there is the same jazz music, the same victorious yelling at jackpots, the same rolling from the slot machines, but it’s in diminuendo. 

it’s a symphony fundy will willingly listen to because he feels like he can separate himself from the chaos present downstairs. when he is with the others, when he serves tequila shots and shuffled decks, he feels like he is at the center of his own friends’ descent but from his own bedroom, he can pretend that he is fine, that everything is fine. he can live in the delusion that his friends are shouting from a well-deserved victory when deep in the back of his head, he knows that they’ve gotten inexplicably attached to machinery that he knows is programmed to bring about their demise.

fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps is then heard behind fundy, but even then, he doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

the guy who enters pats his back twice gently as a greeting, settling himself next to fundy. fundy averts his gaze from the saturated lights to look at the goat hybrid. with a newly tailored suit and freshly manicured horns, schlatt has never looked more dapper, but his skin was still heavily scarred and immensely graying. 

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk. fundy lowers the smoke, coughing a little before raising an incredulous eyebrow at schlatt.

“i learned from the worst,” fundy replies as his free hand shuffles through his pockets, holding out the box of smokes for schlatt to get one for himself. fundy doesn’t need to ask schlatt if he has his own lighter; he somehow always does. he’s been used to his mannerisms ever since a darkened flag with glowing, orange lace loomed over a dying country.

schlatt easily raises the smoke to his chapped lips and lights it easily. he falls into the rhythm of the scenery, slouching against the metal railings as he watches the same fluorescent bulbs fundy had been watching. 

moments like these, no matter how incredibly fucked they are, are the closest fundy can get to tasting peace. his father once described peace as a taste of freedom. it is the image of bright-eyed soldiers under swathes of redwood trees, free from the shackles of tyranny and violence their oppressors have imposed on them.

but fundy knows, as always, that his father is a liar, because at this very moment, fundy connects the concept of peace with the disgusting taste of smoke.

it is a habit he’s picked up from a man he’d once considered perfect. back when the server first hit its grayest of days, sometimes fundy’s claws had itched to strike a match, to spark stones. the scorching blaze igniting was the most colorful thing  he’d had in that wasteland of grey. he’d kept doing it more and more and more, until his own fur and skin burned and he realized that he too is graying like the place he called home. when schlatt had first discovered it, fundy remembers a lot of talking—all kind, kind words that have tarnished his perception on what a caring guardian, or a father, may be—and then, out of the blue, fundy asks for a smoke. while a confused eyebrow quirks, schlatt gives him one to try out, saying that there is a first time for everything, especially since their lives have been as mundane as they possibly can be.

and here fundy is now, able to finish an entire pack in the span of a few days as if it is a part of his diet. 

but if all this substance abuse and addiction and self-sabotage and self-deprecation have become so widespread in the server, so normalized, would one even consider it awful? if everyone is traumatized or hurt, does the concept of trauma even exist in the first place?

“you know, i— don’t take this the wrong way, but i thought that you would be much happier to see all your friends reunited,” schlatt speaks, fingers gesturing to tiny specks on the ground that move in sync with the jazz. fundy hums non-committedly as a reply, not really knowing what to say. 

“well, sucks to be you, i guess. mopey ass,” schlatt jokes with the same half-smirk he uses whenever fundy is notably graying like he did in the past. fundy chuckles at it, at least, but his shoulders droop immediately after. the smallest bouts of happiness and joy make him unbelievably tired nowadays.

fundy attempts to lift his smoke again to his lips, but surprisingly, schlatt interrupts, forcing fundy to lower his arm. fundy stares at him acutely with furrowed brows. “fundy, i—” schlatt begins, and his lighthearted expression dwindles into something much more anxious and apprehensive. schlatt clears his throat and continues, “fundy, kid, i know i’m not the type to get all grossly emotional and whatnot—that’s more of tubbo’s thing—but you have to listen to me when i say that you need to leave.” schlatt grips fundy’s forearm now, firm yet slightly shaking. “kid, you’re not healthy here. it’s— you— this—” schlatt gestures towards the buildings, the lights, the entire shithole that they are stuck in, “this is not somewhere you need to be. you need to leave when you can.”

fundy blinks, and then he blinks once more before his free hand shrugs off schlatt’s grip. he returns to his original position of leaning against the railing, and through the reflection of the cold metal, fundy can see the unpleasant surprise on schlatt’s face transform into something more defeated. a pregnant silence precedes a long, exasperated sigh from schlatt. the edges of fundy’s lips slightly curve downwards.

“well, it would be easier if it weren’t for the fact that i literally have nowhere else to go,” fundy replies monotonously, as if this statement is something he’s rehearsed several times before. “i’ve hit rock bottom, schlatt. i have nothing else to lose,” fundy continues, huffing out a melancholic chuckle. he doesn’t think this situation he’s stuck in is anything comedic, but it sure is amusing how his life has continuously spiralled further and further for the past five years. he’s amused by the fact that he is still very much alive and breathing by this point despite the—fundy looks at his half-finished cigarette, the livid circles under his eyes, his furrowing ears as being exposed to multiple explosions has caused a permanent, high-pitched sound to ring in them sporadically—small, little missteps. 

it’s quiet again as schlatt stares at fundy uncomfortably. “you’re really out here wishing for god to strike you dead in front of a dead man— how very respectful of you,” schlatt replies sarcastically. fundy knows schlatt only wants to lighten up the mood. schlatt has been very persistent in helping fundy find the brighter side of things for a while, but lately, they’ve fallen flat. is schlatt’s eloquence gradually deteriorating, or is it fundy who’s only gotten more numb towards schlatt?

fundy doesn’t know, and both possibilities are undesirable, really, so fundy decides to speak. “i’m sorry,” fundy says, and he doesn’t know if it is for himself or for schlatt. maybe it’s for the both of them.

schlatt’s look softens, and he raises his free palm to grip fundy’s shoulder, thumbing it for comfort. a part of fundy wants to sob, to cry, but he chokes all his tears back with an inhale of smoke. “i’m sorry too,” schlatt murmurs, his voice the softest and the most caring it has ever been. when fundy exhales, he can feel tears prick the corners of his eyes as schlatt continues, “you deserve better.”

fundy hums and his eyes trail downwards to gaze at las nevadas’ visitors once more. he spots ranboo, possibly exhausted judging by his sloppy movements, forcefully pulling a crazed tubbo from a slot machine. fundy remembers that inside, he has seen purpled, foolish, and puffy shout over a simple card, a two of clubs, arguing on whether they should split the fifteen stacks of diamonds or not. he remembers finding sam outside the bar next to the trash bins downing his own personal bottles of alcohol, gripping tightly on a withered rose as he sobs uncontrollably. at the side, he can now see a distressed bad and ant incessantly begging the blackjack booths to accept their territory offers as they’ve lost all their possessions to far too many rounds of roulette wheels and texas hold’ems. he also spots a jovial yet sly quackity skipping through the streets energetically as a stern techno and phil trail behind him, ready to smite anyone who dares terrorize the place. 

and lastly, he stares away from the crowds and returns to gaze at schlatt—tired eyes, frayed hair, drying skin—with a bittersweet smile. fundy replies, “i think we all do.”

[peaches-writes]

as you awaken

description: as you slowly regain consciousness, an angel comes to you with comforting words, a pack of cigarettes, and a playlist of hopeful songs member: changbin word count: 6.7k genre: fluff, angst, sci-fi au (black mirror’s san junipero-inspired), strangers to lovers au (a bit of a whirlwind romance if you will lmao) warnings: explicit language, mentions of coma, terminal illness, injuries, car accidents, death, alcohol, smoking (please drink and smoke responsibly) notes: my main (and late!) halloween gift! it’s like signal no. 4 rn but fuck it i wrote this last night and today + you don’t have to watch san junipero (but it’d be cool if you do!) but basically it’s explained as a simulated reality for people (usually the elderly, terminally ill, and the deceased) 

“So, what are you in for?” 

You immediately look up from your own can of Cola to your 'tour guide’ on your right just as he proceeds to sip on his chocolate milkshake after breaking the rather awkward silence. Seo Changbin is his name from what you could remember against the loud 00s music of TCKR’s where you met earlier this evening and what your nurse back at the hospital told you, you remind yourself again in case your still hazy mind accidentally forgets again. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“What are you in San Junipero for?” He simply and patiently repeats for you again, returning your gaze this time with a genuinely anticipating expression for your answer. He then offers you the cigarette pack in his other hand, most probably at noticing your hunched shoulders and darting eyes around the half-empty diner, but you’re quick to politely decline, even mustering up a small smile towards him in reassurance. “If it’s alright to ask, I guess. You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable.” 

Changbin then leans back on his booth, taking another long sip of his drink as you purse your lips in thought, bringing both the glass and his pack of cigarettes back on the table in between the two of you only when you’ve sighed in resignation and shifted in your own seat to answer. “Coma,” You eventually answer after a moment, earning you a nod of understanding from him. “from a...from a car crash.”

He then props an elbow up right next to his milkshake, leaning forward and resting his cheek against his open palm. “How long now? If it’s alright to ask again.” He asks next with utmost carefulness and a small hint of reluctance.

You bite down on your bottom lip and briefly dart your eyes elsewhere at this, once again in thought. Even without him telling you upfront, you could tell that Changbin seems to think a lot about being careful in his way of asking you questions to not scare you off, knowing that it’s your first time visiting the virtual San Junipero. It comforts you, especially since this is your first time talking to someone who isn’t family or hospital staff about your current predicament, but you still can’t help but feel hesitant. 

“It’s okay.” You hear him in your brief pause, encouraging a small smile on your face at his thoughtfulness. “I wouldn’t hold it against you or anything, I promise.”

“Thank you.” You nod in acknowledgement, slowly finding the comfort to rest your tensed shoulders and sit back more comfortably in your own seat. “I, uh, it’s been two years from what they told me but I only just regained enough consciousness to be able to communicate last week.” 

In front of you, your companion’s eyes widen in amazement. “O-Oh...shit...shit, I’m so sorry for that. A-And you said it’s your first time here tonight too? It must’ve been tough.” He murmurs with deeply furrowed brows, to which you quickly assure him that it’s okay with a shake of your head. He then cautiously reaches his free hand to pat your shoulder comfortingly, leaving his palm open on the table after. “You’re very strong, Y/N, I hope you know that.” 

“T-Thank you, uh—it wasn’t—I mean I was completely unconscious until recently so it wasn’t...all that bad, if I could say that. But still, thank you...” Again, you find yourself shaking your head reassuringly but this time, your voice unconsciously stutters as you respond. “They said...well they said going here to San Junipero’s going to help me recover faster, though, that a lot of comatose patients these days go here all the time to help them get back on their feet so I’m putting all of my hope in my visits here.” 

Changbin nods in agreement, instinctively picking up his milkshake again to take another sip. “It does, at least from what the other visitors similar to you have told me before.” He agrees verbally after, briefly glancing over your shoulder as if in thought. “Visiting the town helps you be familiarized with mobility again and improves mental health—’with the added bonus of the nostalgic setting’ or that’s what the pamphlets to this town says. I don’t know about the last part—it’s not like I’m from the 80s or something.”

You fiddle absentmindedly with your own Cola can as he speaks, a thought suddenly crossing your mind towards the end. Hesitantly, when he finishes speaking, you then ask, “So...I’m guessing we’re not in similar situations, then?” 

The boy in question blinks twice slowly, completely thrown off-guard. No one’s ever asked him about his own story before in similar conversations, you assume. “N-No.” He shakes his head after a brief pause, the slight change in his tone confirming your suspicion. “No, um, I’m a resident here.” 

And for the second time tonight, you’re flustered once again. “O-Oh...oh, I’m sorry.” You quickly apologize, burying your face in your two hands. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked...” 

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago, anyway.” 

When you peek in between the spaces of your fingers, you see him shrug with a casual, almost relieved smile. “Still, I’m so sorry.” You frown at him, slowly removing your hands from your face to fold them on top of the table. “I should’ve known better not to ask. I mean, you are touring me here so I should’ve quickly connected the dots instead of—”

“Seriously, you don’t have to be sorry, we’re in San Junipero, anyway.” He exhales a patient sigh, reassuring you further with a chuckle. “It’s pretty normal to talk about it, especially when you’re a permanent resident. It’s a...it’s a way to comfort the self, cope with death, something or somehow...”

When you don’t speak immediately, opting instead to chew on your bottom lip again, he then shifts in his seat and gestures over to you before asking, “Like, okay, go ahead ask me what I’m in for.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, no, go on. Ask me.” 

Changbin chuckles when you prolong your mini staring contest, nodding on to encourage you to ask until you sigh in defeat under his gaze and finally ask, “Okay, then...what are you in here for, Changbin?” You squint your eyes and lift a hand up to bite on your thumb. 

“Cancer...mostly.” He’s quick to answer, making your eyes widen. Before you could apologize again, however, he adds, “Like I said, though, it was a long time ago—three years now, I think? Just, I was a senior in high school from what I can remember.”

“Oh my God, I’m—” You immediately hold yourself back from apologizing again when Changbin raises a seemingly teasing eyebrow at you, making you exhale a sigh. “Uh, so, d-did you...did you choose to be a resident here?” 

“At first, it was my parents calling the shots, I didn’t know much of the place beforehand.” He answers with a shrug before taking another sip of his milkshake. His other hand finds his cigarettes again but you notice him hesitate, you can’t figure out why. “When the they started running out of options for me, ebertone thought it too early for me to pass on so they asked me to try San Junipero out. Went for a few visits like you are right now, fell in love with the place, I guess, so here I am.” 

You try nodding along to his story, your lips frowning in empathy. “I’m so sorry again, Changbin.” You tell him once he’s finished out of courtesy, making the boy smile. “I...I don’t know, it’s not everyday you met people who’ve—who’ve die—passed on. I really...I really don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you’ve said enough apologies now, if that’s what you’re concerned about. And just call me Binnie now, Changbin’s a bit too formal at this point of the night, don’t you think?” He chuckles at you, effectively easing your flustered expression again. After a moment, as you then take a sip of your Cola, a thought then crosses his mind and he pokes on your elbow with his free hand, quickly regaining your attention. “But you can say something else to me, though.” 

“What is it?” 

Changbin sends another soft smile your way, placing his hand on top of your arm this time. “Heal well through your visits here.” He answers sincerely. “So you can continue living for a very long time after this.” 

A heavy feeling drops down to your stomach at this gesture and you end up nodding quickly. “I will.” You promise with a sigh, making the boy smile once more.

The following week, you find yourself standing a whole two meters away from the edge of TCKR’s roof, waving puffs of smoke out of your face as you ask Changbin, “Are you sure this is safe?”

In response, your guide briefly takes his cigarette out of his lips with one hand and takes your hand with the other, gently tugging you to the edge of the roof. “Yeah, it’s safe, don’t worry, doll.” He chuckles before blowing another hit, this time making sure his mouth’s away from your general direction when he exhales. “Anyway, if you fall, I’ll try catching you—or the system will!”

“What?!”

Before you could protest any further, however, you’ve already reached the edge, the billboard sign for this week on your left and Changbin taking another step forward to sit on the elevated area to your right. Instinctively, you cling onto your companion’s arm in horror, prompting him to grin in amusement. “Y-Ya!” 

“Since it’s a virtual town with, you know, all sorts of people uploaded into a system—you can’t technically die here.” He explains, gently tugging on your arms wrapped around his again to coax you into sitting down. When you shake your head, he’s quick to retract your steps back a little. “Though some people do for fun—they get into fights, overdose on the drugs and alcohol and whatnot—the pain’s not as great as when you’re alive in the real world. In fact, you can adjust the pain settings however you like.”

You want to ask him if he’s done it himself, by the way he’s so casual about it (and by the way he’s so casual about everything, in general), but he beats you to it before you could even decide on asking. “I haven’t done it, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not planning to, either.” He quickly points out, glancing at you over your his shoulder in concern when it takes long for you to reply. “And I won’t let you fall over the edge, I promise. I got you.”

“Promise?” You repeat, your gaze unconsciously flitting over to the city ahead and below you. 

From the corner of your eye, Changbin nods with a hum, tapping on the back of your hand to catch your attention again. “Promise.” He repeats sincerely when you turn your gaze back to him. “Just don’t look down.”

It takes Changbin a few more words to get you to sit down, especially when he himself clumsily trips on nothing when he does get you to walk towards the edge again, but you eventually manage after a moment by clinging onto the boy’s free hand for dear life. When you do sit down, however, your breath immediately catches in your throat at the sight of the twinkling streetlights almost blending with the stars in the night sky ahead of you, washing you with a wave of comfort that dissipates all of your worries. “Wow.” You murmur under your breath in amazement, prompting Changbin to heave a sigh of relief. “Just, wow...it’s so beautiful up here.”    

“That’s San Junipero for you.” He shrugs once you’re comfortable in your seat. His one hand’s still in a death grip under yours but he manages to not drop his cigarette pack and lighter by fitting them in his other hand. “So...cigarette?” 

When you notice the hand he’s using to hold his cigarettes closer to you, only then do you loosen your grip in his hand. “Sorry,” You apologize, more to his hand than to the cigarettes. “I, um, I don’t—I mean, I don’t think I can smoke yet. It just...I can’t right now.” 

“Oh...oh....it’s fine. It’s fine.” He nods in understanding, more to your hand as well than to the cigarettes he returns inside the pocket of his cardigan before re-adjusting the one already in between his lips. With his other hand, he then takes your hand in his again, placing them in the space between the two of you. “And you don’t have to let go if you’re still scared. I got you, remember?” 

“Thanks.” He makes you smile at this, your hand unconsciously tightening your grip in his once again but this time more comfortably. You then look on ahead once more, folding your legs up from dangling on the edge into a crisscross position. “It’s really beautiful up here, though. It’s like seeing the world.”  

“It could be all there is to the world, at least in this town.” Changbin muses out loud next to you, finishing his cigarette not long after. “There’s barely 1,000 residents here but the place just keeps expanding to cater to the tourists.”

You nod along, propping your free hand up on your knee to tilt your head comfortably towards Changbin as he speaks. He’s long discarded his cigarette on his opposite side now, blowing the remaining smoke upwards to the sky as he leans back with his free hand behind him. “But still, it feels endless here—or maybe it’s just because I can only visit at night when the horizon’s barely visible.” You then shrug once he’s finished speaking, alternating your gaze between him and the buildings ahead. It feels less scary to look down now, with his hand tapping patterns on your knuckles. “Do you think...Changbin, do you think it’s the same with the real thing? The afterlife, I mean...” 

“Maybe, maybe not, I wouldn’t know myself. Technically, this is already my afterlife.” The boy answers, making you frown. When he notices it from the corner of his eye, he then chuckles. “Don’t frown now, doll. It doesn’t actually bother me thinking about what I’m missing out on when I’m already enjoying here. It’s nothing.”  

“But still—” 

Before you could finish your thought, however, Changbin’s already repositioned your hands into a more comfortable hold. “Hey, it’s fine, it’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up too much over it.” He assures you with a gentle smile. “And you shouldn’t be thinking too much on these kinds of things. You’re going to wake up after this, it’s not good to think about death when you’re already doing so well, hm?” 

You eventually nod, heaving a sigh of relief. “I-I guess. You’re right...and thanks, for the last part, I mean.” You muster up a small smile. 

Changbin simply hums. “You can ask me and tell me anything but just don’t dwell too much on the afterlife part, okay? I can tell it worries you the most but you seriously don’t have to think about it right now.” He affirms. “I really do believe you’re going to wake up so you should too.” 

You didn’t tell him for the rest of the night that, beforehand, you didn’t actually believe that you’re ever going to wake up fully from your coma, but his soothing tone and conviction somehow single-handedly convinced you more than anyone has in the past two weeks that you’ve been semi-conscious. When you part at the end of the night, you think to yourself that you’ll never forget Changbin, not for the world. 

On your fourth visit, TCKR’s has somehow fully revamped itself into an 80s themed bar with its pink and blue neon signs, house music, and endless rows of the same Galaga game. It’s not your era nor is it Changbin’s, obviously by the way he keeps shamelessly admiring himself and his now slicked back hair at every reflective surface the two of you would pass along which makes you laugh each and every time, but you try blending in as much as you can, anyway, by dancing to the more popular songs that would play and trying to learn how to use the arcade games by not-so-discreetly looking at other people. 

“So, are we, are we the only people our age around here?” You ask him in between games of Pac-man and glasses of beer towards the end of your 6-hour timed visit. You still won’t accept Changbin’s offer of a cigarette no matter how much he tells you that it ‘technically doesn’t matter when you’re in San Junipero’ but he does make fun of you for biting on your straw instead whenever he would catch you in the act. “I’m a bit shy to ask the others around here.” 

Changbin inserts a quarter in the arcade game and takes a sip of his Cola first before answering. “Nope, there are other kids here like us; most of them are just a bit picky with the eras they want to hang out in this place.” He explains to you, opting to steal glances at you while playing another round of Pac-man as you make conversation. “You’ve met a few of the kids on the dance floor tonight, though, like Felix, Minho, and Hyunjin. Those three are just so obsessed with the 80s.” 

You hum in thought, leaning your entire weight on the side of the arcade machine as you watch Changbin’s gameplay. “And what’s your favourite era, Changbin?” 

“I haven’t decided on that yet.” He scrunches up his nose, mostly in frustration at his game. Still, it makes you chuckle against your drink. “I don’t usually hang out here when I’m not on ‘tour guide’ duty.”

“Oh? Really?”

“Yeah.” He nods absentmindedly, finishing the game not long after. Turning to you, he then folds his arm on top of the arcade machine and leans against it, mirroring you. “There are more public spaces around town than just TCKR’s. It just happens that this bar is kind of like the center of it all since this is where the tourists usually stay at for most of their visits.”

“So where else can you hang out in around here?” You ask next, taking a sip of your Cola after. “I already know the diner next to my ‘hotel’ so where else?”

The boy in front of you pauses in thought, eyes darting everywhere as he thinks. When be does speak, you see him snapping his fingers in front of him before he looks up at you and says, “Ah, well, there are a lot more restaurants, parks, malls, and stuff around the residential areas if you want to visit those—they’re always adding according to what the residents want—but, personally, I love going to the beach here. It’s just South of this bar.” 

Your eyes widen at this, eliciting a playful smile on his lips. “The beach? You have a beach here?” 

Again, Changbin nods. “Of course we do, Y/N. They have everything here, nostalgic therapy, remember?” 

“W-Well, can we go?” You ask next, trying your best to hide your excitement in front of him. “I mean, am I allowed, as a tourist?” 

“Yeah, you’re allowed.” He assures you before briefly glancing up at the wall clock on the main bar not far behind you. “But your time’s almost up for tonight. We’ll have to go on another time if you really want to.”

“Really?” Your eyes visibly light up, to which the boy nods again at. 

“Next week Friday again but try asking your nurse back at the hospital if you can visit at daytime, around 10 AM.” He instructs you, your gaze lighting up even more at the unfamiliar request. “You can meet me here as usual and we’ll drive to the beach.” 

When your visiting time does run out and you find your consciousness back in your comatose body, you instinctively call for your nurse with the computer with the monitor attached to you by the same wire as the machine connecting you to San Junipero’s cloud. Bang Chan then comes running in his red scrub suit just after your third alarm, a paper cup of coffee and a thick blue clipboard in his hands.

“Sorry, Dr. Young made me do the midnight inventory—again.” Chan sighs in frustration, handing you a modified pager to relay your thoughts as he packs up the San Junipero program’s portable machine. “Anyway, what is it, Y/N? Are you okay?”

With slow hand movements aided by the custom pager’s added feature to accurately read your thoughts, you then type out, Can I go to the beach next week with Changbin?

“Yes, of course!” Upon reading this before taking the portable machine away, your nurse then nods. “Some time around 10 AM, right?”

How did you know?

“Let’s just say it’s what’s considered the best time to go to the beach, according to the people around here.” Your nurse only smiles sadly at you with this question, gently patting your arm once before taking the pager with him as well on his way out. “Now, rest well, Y/N, you have a date next week!”

It’s not a date, you muster up all of your limited muscle movement to frown at him to which he only chuckles at before fully leaving your room, leaving you to your thoughts once again. A small smile then makes its way onto your face. 

-

“The breeze is so refreshing, I missed this!”” And you do, Changbin can clearly tell by the way you have your arms freely raised up to your sides to feel the summer breeze as you run around the warm sand and cold waves of the beach when you meet again. Against the soft morning sunlight, you seem much more relaxed, a complete contrast to the other two times you’ve met at night. “San Junipero’s even better in the daylight!” 

When you briefly stop running to turn back to him, seated on the hood of his black Jeep parked on the side of the highway, you only see him grin and wave fondly at you. Today, he’s discarded his usual cigarettes for a pair of headphones and a playlist he played for you on the way here. “Do you like it?” He only asks you, voice loud enough to echo across the vast expanse of the beach. 

“I love it!” You answer, giggling even more when the waves catch up to your feet. “It’s a haven here, Binnie.” 

Changbin then joins you not long after, discarding his slippers next to yours and bringing his phone along to play you a song he made when he was still alive. “It’s called ‘For You.’” He explains as a cheerful melody begins to play, followed by his voice. The two of you sit close to the waves once you get tired of running around and splashing water at each other, the waves now barely tickling your feet as they approach. “I made it with some friends before I came here.” 

“You can upload material things here too?” You ask, gesturing to his phone. When the chorus plays, you hear a familiar voice but you can’t seem to pinpoint who it belongs to in the moment. You remind yourself to ask him later when you get the chance. 

Next to you, however, Changbin shakes his head, pulling his legs closer to his chest to rest his chin on top of his folded arms. “This version’s mostly from memory. You can materialize anything here but it’s best to do so from what you know or remember.” He explains, a sad smile gracing his features. “You can listen to out there, though. Ask your nurse to look it up on Soundcloud.” 

You reluctantly let out a playful scoff, making him laugh as well. “The last thing I expected you to do was promote your Soundcloud.” 

“It’s much better on Soundcloud, promise.” He insists anyway in between laughs, glancing over to you briefly and smiling when you return his gaze. “Anyway, are you cold?” 

He tries shrugging his leather jacket off but you stop him before he could successfully do so, placing a hand on top of his while shaking your head. “It doesn’t bother me as much, I like the cold.” You assure him before retracting your hand back to your side. “I used to live by the beach so I’m quite used to it.” 

You see his interest visibly pique at this and he turns to you with raised brows. “Oh? Really?” He asks next, prompting you to nod enthusiastically in confirmation. “What was it like, your life before this, I mean?” 

You sink your hands into the sand, extending your legs out once again to the waves as you then recall your life to him. “My family lives by the beach—mom, dad, brothers—but by the time of the car crash, I was already living in a dorm at university.” You bite down your lip towards the end, hesitating a bit towards the next part. This time, however, you recover quickly than the last time you’d hesitate in front of the boy, reminding yourself of what he’s told you the last time. “I, uh, I was actually on the way home when the crash happened. Some drunk college students from a beach party were driving along the coastal when they suddenly swerved to my lane and collided with my car.” 

“I’m sorry...” He gently nudges your shoulder with his and you send him a comforting smile in response. “...I’m sorry about that, what happened to you. You didn’t—you didn’t deserve any of that, not at all.”   

“It’s fine now,” You shrug with as much casualness as you can. You slowly take in another breath, sighing against another gust of wind that blows by. “Like you said, it helps us cope, right? I’m actually glad you took me to the beach today. I think it’s definitely helping me feel better about all of this.” 

“Still, they should’ve—you shouldn’t have been in that accident somehow.” Changbin sighs and when you glance to his side, you see his knuckles briefly turning into fists until he notices your gaze towards him. “I’m sorry, I—”

You shake your head, leaning back even more on your hands. “Tell me about your own life before this instead, Binnie...” You prod him gently, smoothly steering the conversation away from you. “If it’s alright.” 

He nods slowly. “Hm...right, right that’s—that’s fair...” 

And so, you spend your remaining five hours just talking about your lives by the beach. It eases Changbin’s frustration over your story by the way you ask him about his passion for music and love of horror movies and though he still asks you about your own life, you make sure to not dwell on too much on your own accident. 

You thank him before you go. 

“What for?” He asks with an awkward laugh and furrowed brows, just barely thirty seconds before you leave. 

“For listening—and understanding.” You answer plainly and the boy’s eyes widen in surprise. “For encouraging me to talk about what happened to me and not look at me pitifully like the people outside do. I really needed all of that.” 

His immediate response, you catch it clearly, is to heave a sigh of relief. “I’m just giving you the kind of helping hand I missed out on when I was still alive.” He nods casually to which your heart immediately melts at. “Not everyone can understand us well, even with our differing situations. You should be able to talk it out without feeling burdened by everyone else around you.” 

With ten seconds left on your clock, you then hug him tightly, catching him off-guard and disappearing before he could even hold you properly. 

“Thank you so much, Binnie.”

- 

Chan? You call for your nurse again before he could leave with the portable machine, stopping him just before he could head to the door. 

“What is it, Y/N?” He asks, the same proud and teasing grin he’s donned since you recounted your day to him still plastered on his face. 

Can you put music on? 

Obligingly, Chan then balances the portable machine to his hip with one hand and reaches for the phone and speakers your younger brother, Jeongin, left on your bedside table when you first started regaining consciousness. “Your pick or my pick?” He then asks next, setting up the Bluetooth connection first before glancing down on your pager. 

Changbin said he made a song called ‘For You.’ Can you play that for me please? 

Chan stops halfway, swallowing a nervous lump in his throat that you almost miss with the way he immediately covers it with a smile. “Sure, Y/N. Playing it...right now...” He eventually nods, turning his attention back on the phone to play your requested song. “I’ll play it from a playlist so just call me back in if you want to change it, okay?” 

Yes, thank you! 

When he leaves and more songs play in through the small Pikachu-shaped speakers, only then do you recognize the one other familiar voice as your nurse himself. 

“You know, I’ve been listening to your music the past week.” You confess to Changbin, finally accepting a cigarette and his lighter from him as he drives through the endless main highway of the island against the darkening skies of the sunset. The same songs play softly through the speakers, starting with one he sang on his own called ‘If’ that almost lulls you to sleep after most of your 6 hours spent at the beach if not for your desire to talk to the boy more. “I love all of them, especially this one.”

Changbin’s careful to not accidentally lose control of the steering wheel in any way with his flustered state, clearing his throat awkwardly in the brief silence. “You listened to all of them?” 

You hum happily in confirmation, leaning back into the soft cushions of the front passenger seat as you then lift your bare feet up in between the dashboard and the open window. “I also asked Chan about you.” You even add, grinning when he looks back at you with genuine and delightful surprise. “You could’ve just told me you were making music with him, you know—gave him a bit of a surprise when I kept requesting your songs to play all afternoon and night by the second day after my last visit.”

The boy ends up chuckling, swiftly turning the car left at an intersection. “Chan and I—he took care of me in my last months under his internship.” 

“And you grew up with him, too...” 

“Yeah,” He nods. “High school, with two other guys, Jisung and Seungmin. Those brats are probably studying in college now.” 

“Can’t they visit now, though?” You ask, having intended on asking the same question with regards to his parents. “And your parents too?”

“They’re stricter with visits from non-patients now, something about visiting too much having negative mental effects in the long run.” Changbin explains with a long sigh. “They’re allowed to visit once a year—Chan every 6 months since he works at the hospital—but it’s not all the time they could visit, given their schedules.”

“Really? Is that so?” You frown, propping an elbow up on the window next to rest your cheek against your knuckles. When he nods, you end up mumbling, “Ah, I should stay asleep longer then...”

“Hm? He asks, glancing over to you longer.

You gaze sadly back at him, a gesture he’s quick to catch and ask if you’re okay. You nod back at him in response, explaining, “It’s just—I can—I can move now, out there I mean...”

“Oh...” You see him hesitate as he then gives you a proud smile, half-shrugging after. “Then that’s...good, isn’t it? That means you’re almost done here.”

“I know but—” You bite down on your bottom lip in thought, pausing briefly as you think about your next words. When he takes another look at you, the car gradually slowing down until you’re suddenly headed to a bay area on the side of the road, you hesitantly continue, “hearing what you said just now, then that means I might not be able to see you for a long time once I’ve recovered...”

By this point, Changbin’s already parked the Jeep rather haphazardly at the bay area, the lights blinking into the darkness and the rare other cars passing by. He twists his body under the seatbelt to face you, another one of his fond smiles on his lips as you look on with worry and sadness. “Still, being with me here’s nothing compared to being able to live again out there.” He points out to you, reaching a hand out for your free one in between the two of you. “And it’s just maybe 12 months from now, you’ll be occupied with much more interesting things once you’re back on your feet and time will run its course just as it should.”

“But I like spending time with you...” You murmur almost helplessly and, you couldn’t read it from his seemingly casual expression and the darkness enveloping the two of you, but with just these simply words, Changbin’s heart immediately picks up its pace in the most unfamiliar manner since he’s been a permanent resident in San Junipero.

“Because that’s the purpose of you going here.” He tells you, anyway, more to convince himself than you. “To mentally get back on your feet so you’ll recover faster once you’re able to fully wake up.”

When you don’t speak on it immediately, he then adds, “Don’t worry, I’ll always be here, anyway, if you ever want to visit.” 

You want to say something else, confess something else to him, but as you glance at the clock right above the radio, only then do you realize that there’s only a minute left until you’re leaving again. “Once a year starting from when I recover...it still feels too long just thinking about it right now.” 

Following your gaze, Changbin only musters up a sad smile but insists otherwise, anyway. “It won’t be if you don’t dwell too much on it.” He shrugs, a bit more shakily than he wanted to let out. “So, I’m guessing this is your last official visit as a tourist, then?” 

You hum. “Maybe...” 

As if on cue, the clock strikes 5:59 AM. 

“Then promise me one thing.” He suddenly says, immediately catching your attention. 

“What is it?” 

“Remember when we first met?” Changbin asks, leaning over the brakes now as he tries his best to scoot closer. You nod in response. “You’ve healed well in the short time you’ve been here. So...when you go back to the physical world and, hopefully, wake up fully after...you fulfill your second promise and live a very long time after this, okay?” 

You nod immediately, extending your hands out to him for a hug. Before you could wrap your arms around his neck, however, he leans in first and cups your face in his hands, catching you off-guard with a soft kiss to the forehead just as your time runs out. 

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

-

Chan and Jeongin are the first people you see afterwards, as soon as you’ve fully awoken in your physical body. The older boy heaves a sigh of relief, disconnecting the portable San Junipero machine from you with a soft smile, while your younger brother only looks on, asking you afterwards about the stray tear on your cheek. 

“Can you reach out your hand to Jeongin, Y/N?” Chan asks after running a few other quick tests with you. He steps to the side, motioning your brother to sit closer to your bed after. 

In response, your hand, though still quite limp and shaky, slowly reaches out for your Jeongin’s. He clutches onto you tightly once you’ve succeeded, a big grin on his face. 

“Thank God, welcome back.” Jeongin smiles happily, engulfing you in a bone-crushing hug.  

It’s Halloween of the following year by the time you manage to return to San Junipero as a non-patient visitor, the entire building of TCKR’s heavily decorated for the occasion in a mix of the 2000s and 2010s and your hotel wardrobe consisting mostly of basic magician and vampire costumes. The crowd has grown significantly larger from what you remember of your last visit and the music is now starting to catch up with the times outside but you manage to find Changbin through Felix, who tips you off of his whereabouts once he faintly recognizes you wandering around the arcade area. 

“You look really well, by the way!” Felix comments as he drives you to the beach, two encouraging thumbs up peeking out of the steering wheel and a bright grin on his face. “Chan updates us like a proud dad whenever he visits for maintenance. Last time he was here, he told us you’re back in university!”

You grin sheepishly and nod in confirmation at his words. “He tells me a lot about you guys too whenever I visit him.” You add, leaning back in your seat as you roll down the windows next to you. “I’m glad you’re even happier than he’s described.” 

“Ah, you should definitely see Minho and Hyunjin later, those two are having the most fun.” Felix nods along, just as you reach the boardwalk. Parking on the sidewalk, he then opens the door for you using the buttons on his side of the car. “Meet us at the other end of the beach if you have the time, okay? We just moved in a new house nearby and a couple of other kids are coming over for a small gathering!” 

“Ah, well, I’ll think about it. Thanks again, Felix.” You then bid him goodbye with another smile and a wave, opening the door next you with your other hand after. “Goodnight!”  

Eventually, you spot Changbin by the faint song that he listens to against the crashing of the waves. It’s definitely new that you had to walk a few steps closer to fully confirm that it’s him, finishing another cigarette stick and enjoying a bottle of soju, and so you let him finish the song first before calling his attention. “Changbin.” 

He immediately glances up from his drink and looks up at you in surprise, making you laugh at how reminiscent your current situation is of the first time you met. When he doesn’t speak immediately, mouth simply agape and cigarette long forgotten in his hands, you wave awkwardly and take a few more steps forward until you’re seated right in front of him. “Hi.” You giggle. “It’s me.” 

“Y-You’re...are you—?” He stutter out worriedly, immediately prompting you to shake your head. 

“Just visiting, for now.” You clarify, briefly swiping the soju bottle from his other hand to take a swig before setting it down on your side. “You said I could visit as a non-patient once a year after I got discharged so here I am. I wouldn’t miss this one for the world.” 

And again, he repeats, “Why?” 

“I just...” You trail off, shrugging towards the end with a soft smile. “I spent time with someone here, at first to help me recover from my coma but as time went on, I—I ended up liking him a little too much to just leave and never come back.” 

You then watch as his surprise turns into relief, a relieved sigh escaping his lips as you speak. Once you’ve finished speaking, he’s quick to envelope you in a desperate hug, pulling you flush against him and resting his chin on your shoulder. 

“I’ll still fulfil that promise I made last year, to live a long life after the accident,” You mumble against his black shirt, making him chuckle through the tears that start falling on your shoulders. “but in between, I’ll take every chance I can get just to see you—until it could be my own time to join you already.”   

“Y-You’ll—you’ll stay here...after?” He asks cautiously after, hesitantly pulling away to get a better look at you. 

“Will you wait?” You ask back. “Ten, twenty years?” 

He nods, almost instinctively, kissing your forehead once more. “Even if it takes fifty or a hundred. I have nowhere else to be.” 

@skzwriternet​