#and then i went to netflix for the first time in like at least 5-6 weeks to check it out

[tchaikovskaya]

i honestly wonder how much of the consumer demand for netflix is simply..... access to netflix if/when the consumer wants it? i know thats true of most streaming platforms, like i dont think anybody creates paid accounts with the intention of it being a longterm automatic monthly renewal thinking its going to be something they use (or at least browse) every day. but i feel like with netflix a lot of people i know (myself included but i dont really count bc i still use(d) my moms lmao) keep/kept it only because of the possibility that something really great, almost always a netflix original, will be added and they'll want to go watch it. not because there's something already in the catalog that they will want to watch periodically etc. it happens regularly enough to justify that mentality. but honestly even though ive had free access to netflix for years, it has only been when i was exceptionally bored that i looked at the new/trending stuff on my own. otherwise the only time i even open netflix is when ive heard about a new show from the buzz it has created on other platforms*

[blush-and-books]

Also thoughts on finale!!!!!

AHHH OK I HAVE A LOT

1. Yes, felt a bit like a rushed finale, trying to tie up loose ends and whatnot. It is what it is, but in the 16-episode seasons the writers definitely were able to pace things insanely well, so you feel how clipped they are in this 10-episode season.

2. I was totally misled by fics and other posts that Harvey like pressured her into marrying him and that he had decided to move to Seattle without us getting to see them talk about it, but I was pleasantly surprised to not feel that way about how it went down!! When Donna brought up the concern that their families weren't there, he instantly said they'd do it again, and IDK something in Donna's vibe was just giving of crazy "yes I need to marry you right now" energy. The man she's been pining after for years is literally proposing to her with his grandmother's ring THAT HE WAS KEEPING IN HIS POCKET!!!! yeah i would fold and have an impulse wedding too. she got her bag!!

about Seattle, I made a post about this but lowkey it felt like an idea that Donna had, knowing that Harvey was leaving the firm and that with everything that's happened, they both needed a change of pace and a support system in Mike and Rachel. Huge bummer that we don't get to see how the decision was made, but her adamant behavior in telling Louis that they both want to leave and also her checking in with Harvey and asking HIM "are you sure you want to do this" felt very much like she was checking in because he had agreed to HER plan, not the other way around. She's very clearly comfortable and happy with the decision. We love to see it.

3. When Louis mentioned (before the Faye takedown) that him, Donna, and Harvey were all that was left of PEARSON HARDMAN, I fucking cried. I hadn't heard any of the characters call it PH in so long and it was a crazy realization that they really were the originals from before the series had even started.

4. Donna's dress was so beautiful at the wedding I kept looking at it like 🥹

5. Donna saying in her vows that 100 years would never be enough time with Harvey.... Yeah I felt that. They wasted so much time not being together that now, no amount of time is enough.

6. WE FINALLY GOT TWO FULL "I LOVE YOUs" FROM HARVEY TO DONNA LMAO

7. I wish after the wedding they were at least a little more affectionate with each other and we got one more "my wife"/"my husband" (DONNA DESERVES TO FLAUNT HER BAG!!!! (her bag is harvey <33)). Like I wish we just got a little more juice or something about them being excited to do this next chapter together or whatever. But oh well that's what fanfiction is for

8. When Donna instantly went to hold Lucy first and Harvey was just smiling at them.... Oh my mind was at WORK!!!

9. As iconic as it would have been for darvey to be walking out of the offices together, I actually really appreciated that last moment between Donna and Louis, because their friendship is incredibly strong and I liked that it was acknowledged!!! And having Harvey be the last one out was just very iconic like yeah I ate that up that's our man

10. name partner katrina bennett my beloved <333

Sorry for the long post!!! Thank you for asking about my thoughts I'd love to hear how you feel about any of the bits and just how the episode goes overall

(I also cannot wait for Netflix to finally drop season nine so I can get more darvey stills at last)

[bethaven]

#22 Heartstopper

Plot: Nick and Charlie get placed together at form in school and immediately - sparks. Charlie's unsure if Nick likes him back, or even if he's non-straight. Nick on the other hand, get very confused about these new feelings. Meeting, falling in love and being out turns out to be more complicated than they could've ever imagined. But it's the love story of the century and together with supportive friends and family they can overcome anything. We also get to follow their friends and family in their own endeavours, like the relationships between Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy as well as Isaac's ace-journey.

Years: 2022-

Seasons: 2 (season three arriving in 2024)

My story: There's so much to say here, but I'll try to keep it short. I discovered Heartstopper shortly after the first season had arrived to Netflix. It fast became one of my favourites and led to a few rewatches over the first year. But I didn't move further into the fandom just yet. When season 2 dropped I'd been longing for it all summer. I'd had a rough year with chaos at work combined with both my grandfathers passing away within two months. I'd been keeping myself distracted with travelling all summer, but then suddenly there were no distractions left. My mental health spiraled. The only thing that kept me afloat was Heartstopper. I watched all episodes everyday for about two months. I read the comics over and over. I went deep into the Osemanverse and I read books, which I normally never do. I got into tumblr. All of it kind of became my saving. And I owe it all to Alice Oseman.

Teachable moments: For me Heartstopper teaches us primarily about how love is always just love, in whichever form it comes in. Wheither it's platonic, romantic or other types of love, wheither it's the love you feel for your partner or the love you feel for friends and family - they're all valid and important.

Best character: Even though I love them all, I've always had a soft spot for Charlie. There's so many layers of him and I am really looking forward to how the rest of his journey will be portrayed on screen. He has the biggest heart and is so much stronger than he thinks.

Best episode: "Boyfriend" (S1E8). I love how this episode start at the deep end and ends on a high note. Nick's speach and their kiss in the corridor together with the beach trip just makes this perfect. A big runner up is "Truth/Dare" (S2E6), not the least for Tara and Darcy's story and growth.

Best quote: "I think there's this idea that when you're not straight you have to tell all your friends and family immediately, like you owe it to them. But you don't." (Charlie to Nick) This line has really helped me in my own journey about sexuality/attractions.

Fun fact: It'd be hard to find a fun fact that the Heartstopper fandom didn't already know (even though it might be true for all the series in this calendar). But for the not so initiated it'd be fun to know that Joe Locke, who plays Charlie, got the role through an open audition and this is his first time acting professionally. In 2024 he'll be both in a new Marvel series (which, in a parallel universe is quite funny since Charlie doesn't like Marvel) and do his Broadway debut in Sweeny Todd.

If you like this you might also like: Young Royals, Skins, Tales of the City, Skam and Atypical.

(Heartstopper is the adaptation of Alice Oseman's webcomic and books. Volume 5 was just released and volume 6 will be the last one. The webcomic is normally released three times a month, but will now be on a hiatus for about six months, until Alice have some volume 6 stuff to share. Also check out the novellas Nick and Charlie and This winter as well as Alice's novels Solitaire (where the story about Nick and Charlie started), Radio Silence, I was born for this and Loveless. She has also written and created the Netflix series.)

[rolandkaros]

I was reading what u commented on the break point cancellation post and I found so interesting what u were saying in regards to Drive to Survive, but u stopped because it was long (which never bothers me with tags btw) so I wanted to ask u, if u can, to expand on why u think Break Point failed, I think we might agree but I wanted to know where u stand 🥰

lmfaoo yeah i went over the tag limit 😭

what i was saying was essentially that break point is just not a good representation of the sport.

i mentioned this before but genuinely the match recaps that natasha does in the kasatkina zabiiako vlogs (now what the vlog but it's still kasatkina zabiiako in my mind) are better than the shit they did in break point. it seems like they were edited by someone who's never watched tennis before in their life, there's no sense of rhythm or momentum...which like, i understand it's hard to condense usually 2+ hours of tennis into just a few moments, but what they were rolling out was just not at all representative of what watching tennis is like. it's not even just that watching live is more enjoyable, it's that the break point recaps were actively unhelpful in the context of their episodes. it was more informative for me to listen to the players/coaches/commentators etc. talk about the match than watching those highlights bc of how bad they are.

on top of this, there isn't a lot of like...tennis specific conversation? i'll admit i didn't watch all of break point, maybe 5 or 6 episodes across the two seasons (i think only one of those was from season two bc. gross), so maybe i just missed all of it, but most of the time when they talked about the actual tennis, it was super basic stuff that even someone with very little technical knowledge (i.e. me) already knew. which like, if i'm watching a docuseries ABOUT TENNIS, i'd love to, you know, hear a bit...about tennis? there were some bits that they did include, mostly about tennis mentality (the curse episode) but the rest of anything they mentioned was very player specific, which is not really helpful if you're an inexperienced fan and want to know more about the sport as a whole.

(compare this to drive to survive, which can be dramatic and gimmicky, but actually helped me TONS to understand some of the basics of how the sport works, so i wasn't just thrown in for the first race not knowing what a soft tire vs a hard tire is.)

another thing i think i mentioned drive to survive has going for it (which i think i did mention in the tags) is that aside from all of the drama and seriousness, there's also a lot of fun silly bts bits they include, so even if you're not into the format, there is still a motivation for fans to tune in to see their favorite drivers messing around. break point had...some of that...but not enough imo to make it worth gritting through, and again, it's tough because there are just so many players to cover that the likelihood or your favorite player being included is just not that high.

basically, break point doesn't appeal to any audience. i'm not even sure what it's target audience is. experienced tennis fans (or even tennis fans such as myself who aren't experienced but have at least WATCHED live tennis) find it poorly produced and uninteresting. unexperienced tennis fans have little or nothing to gain from watching it. there just seems to be zero purpose for it to actually exist besides a sort of faux-behind-the-scenes docuseries for the sake of saying they have one about tennis.

but the thing that frustrates me is i think there could be an audience for it! like, i love docuseries formats, especially in sports! but break point just seemed to be so poorly thought out. and look, if you can't appeal to all audiences, that's fine! but chose a target audience and actually try to cater to them. and i think that's where netflix notoriously goes wrong time and time again, is they're just very out of touch with what their audiences want, and then proceed to whine that no one is interested and cancel everything when their shitty poorly thought out products do poorly (or even when good products do well). but like i said, i think if more care was put into the product, if they paid more attention, asked more questions, they could actually develop a show that more people would want to watch. but i think the way break point was set up, it was just never going to succeed like that.

TL;DR: drive to survive appeals to multiple audiences, with difference experience levels, with a little bit of something for everybody depending on a fan's watching preference. break point appeals to..........................?

and netflix doesn't seem to realize that sports fans generally want. uh. sports. to be shown accurately in a docuseries about. uh. sports.

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

Hi Dreamy! Soo I watched TDP Season 6 last night! That was a GOOD season. Many of the open processes were led to satisfying conclusions, so that was nice. However, can I just ask... how do you bear with the pacing. I grapple with the sudden aging of the characters, Rayla's unannounced return from her unannounced disappearance, with the bad jokes, with the weird side quests. Zym isn't even one of the main characters anymore. "Rise of the Archmage" or whatever would describe the plot so much better?

What I'm trying to say is, I think I generally like the story and the arcs that people are taken through, but the differences between seasons just botch it up for me so much that cannot get more invested. It's a shame for such a well thought-out universe. It somehow seems like the writers were making it up as they went along without a real vision, and now after that last, rather poorly-received "setup" season, they finally got their act together. But what is up with that. How can I enjoy episodes of such a wide range in quality.

It bothers me very much. This could have been done better, more consistently. There is a cut to me before the aging and after the aging. They patched it up with the reenactment of that scene. It kinda works. But why was it made to have been needed. Lol.

Hey there! I personally enjoyed season 4 and 5 but I understand it wasn’t the same for everyone. Actually when I watched the Dragon Prince for the the first time, after I binged all of arc 1 shortly after the release of S3, I got really invested and followed a lot of news and even watched the zoom panel with the cast and crew, all of which lead me to finding the graphic novel Through the Moon and being able to get that and read it then. Definitely reading that helped me prepare for arc 2, at least knowing what to expect of Rayla and Rayllum. I know not everyone knew about the graphic novel so I do wonder if perhaps maybe it could’ve been animated as a short movie and released in between S3 and 4, since the events of it wouldn’t have fit at the end of S3 and neither at the beginning of S4. But at the same time, I’m not sure if they would’ve been given the greenlight for that by Netflix 🤷🏽‍♀️

As for the time skip, I’m actually fine with it since I feel like it gives more opportunity for a lot of different changes to have occurred, like Callum having learned more magic, Ezran to have grown more into his role as king, showing that Claudia getting the ingredients and everything needed to bring back Viren was a lot harder and needed a lot of time to complete, showing the gravity and difficulty of that spell, and lastly showing that despite Rayla’s intense long search of Viren, she couldn’t find him at all. And with the tone and theme of the show having matured in the Mystery of Aaravos by a whole lot, I do think it makes much more sense for the characters to be older and more mature to deal with it all.

Ngl I do miss seeing Zym more a great deal too but his role also depends on where we’re at in the story, like in arc 1, it was focused on him hatching and being a newborn dragon being brought home, along with him being a major target for Viren. S4 definitely was his biggest role in arc 2 since we now see him being a toddler and having become more stubborn and going against his mother a lot lol. But I guess his role has more to do with where we’re at in the plot? I do hope we get to see more of him in S7 though 😭

I guess the title “Mystery of Aaravos” has to do a lot with how as the audience, there’s so much we don’t know about him when we start the arc and then we learn more as we go, esp in S6.

As for all of the side plots, I do feel like S6 does tie them well together, kinda like how in arc 1, we did start getting the sunfire elves plot with Amaya, which at first may have felt unrelated to the main plot but it ultimately tied into it. In arc 2, we do see it tie in sooner in S5 when Callum and Rayla wanted to go to the Great Bookery of Lux Aurea, along with Janai having the nightmares about Aaravos and all of that.

To answer your question on how to better enjoy arc 2 esp between the gaps, I’ll suggest some of the graphic novels and also add a link to the short stories released before S4 and 5 which could hopefully bridge more gaps and help you enjoy more:

Through the Moon: Graphic novel set right after S3, deals with Rayla’s fears of Viren still being alive as well as her not having closure on what happened to her parents and Runaan, leading up to events of her leaving, definitely recommend reading, esp if you decide to do a whole series rewatch right after you finish season 3.

The Dragon Prince: Reflections: All short stories available on the Dragon Prince official website to read for free. Volume 1 stories were released Pre-S4 and are mostly set within the 2 year time gap. Volume 2 stories were released before season 5 most set between S4 & 5, with the exception of ‘Strangers’, which is set during S4 when Soren was tied up by Terry and Claudia and deals with him reacting to Viren being alive, and the three-part story ‘Chasing Shadows’ which is focused on Rayla’s time in Scumport pre-S4, and ‘Queen’s Mercy’ which is a Kim’dael backstory.

Bloodmoon Huntress: Graphic novel with a Rayla backstory, starts with her parents leaving for the dragon guard & her being adopted by Runaan and Ethari. It shows a lot of how it impacted Rayla, gives ALOT of insight into Rayla’s upbringing and how she forms her understanding of how to love someone, esp in terms of her eventually leaving Callum when she’s older. This book also introduced Kim’dael who we also see in S5.

There’s also the graphic novel ‘Puzzle House’ which is a Soren and Claudia backstory set after their mother left, which I also loved and found giving more insight into Claudia’s character, but I would definitely say that ‘Through the Moon’ and ‘Bloodmoon Huntress’ would help bridge gaps more. I guess a good way to keep up with all of these releases would be to follow TDP official social media like their Instagram and Twitter since that’s where they post the updates and new releases. You can also follow Aaron and Justin on Twitter too since they post a lot of news first hand.

Let me know if you want to discuss more and if you want me to provide anymore resources 😊 I really hope these can improve your experience with the saga and help you enjoy it more ❤️❤️

[gizkasparadise]

2023 wrapped: kdrama edition!

taking a page from @dangermousie, here's a list of all the kdramas ive watched this year, in order from least liked to most liked! because i dont have a spotify wrap-up to share :'D

cdrama one here!

and i'll do a webtoon one too /o/

overall i didnt watch too many kdramas this year, and finished less. kind of a "meh" kdrama year for me overall (with 1-2 exceptions). with that in mind, full disclosure that i didnt love a ton of what i watched this year in kdramaland:

we barely knew ye: ones i dropped only a few eps in

sweet home 2. dropped after ep 2. direction it went in is v much not my thing, my fave surviving characters were either killed off or put on the bench, and im not that motivated to see what happens next. might jump back into the franchise if word-of-mouth on s3 is good, we'll see

moon in the day. first ep was actually great and i enjoyed it a lot!! but im not doing cancer storylines rn so that killed momentum. may try this one again later

king the land. watched the first ep. simply did not vibe.

death's game. ditto ^

black knight. i LOVE a good dystopian scifi. this was not that. i was really bored after the first ep and didnt bother with the rest

my dearest. i watched the first ep and liked it, but just wasnt in the mood/wasn't immediately hooked. i'm going to give this one another try when i hit the Angsty Sageuk craving again

dramas i watched at least half of

6. twinkling watermelon.

it's pretty wild to put what i believe is the current #1 show on mydramalist as my bottom pick for the year, especially since it's written by my favorite screenwriter, but here we are. this one is far from objectively the worst drama but it's here because it made me the most mad!! the female lead and second male leads were both off-putting and selfish to me, and the whole drama i was actively rooting for ryeoun's earnest and endearing male lead and shin eun soo's underwritten second female lead to escape and have mother/son adventures on their own away from the rest of everyone else

5. arthdal chronicles: sword of aramun.

sigh. i was a big believer/supporter of this season, even with all of the recasts. but despite a few moments of brilliance, it was overall a slog to watch and just kind of joyless. too much time spent on the ago tribe, too many nonsensical victories and deus ex machina coincidences, and the bag was very much fumbled with some of the characters (particularly saya, who was to me the most interesting character in s1 and you KNOW ljk could have rocked that ruthlessness). positive standouts were kim ok bin flawlessly scene-chewing as taealha and lee joon ki working what he was dealt

4. worst of evil.

adored this drama for the first 2/3rds! it was gritty, neo-noir that reminded me a lot of the old school hong kong crime films like infernal affairs. lots of style, great acting, messy and flawed characters. but the last arc/ending was a boring dud for me. still very much enjoyed the ride up to that point though!

3. perfect marriage revenge.

so! much!! fun!!! just. full commitment to making a show as gloriously makjang/soap operay as it could get and it was a blast watching because of it. made on pocket lint for a budget but it rocked what it had and a special shoutout to lee min young's absolutely fantastically camp evil stepmother. the excitement died down a little toward the end, but still a good time overall

2. the glory, part 2.

a satisfying ending to a really excellent first half. love that the female lead just got to execute revenge and there was no moral or sanctimonious hangups about it. enjoyed the way the ending was set up as "the adventure continues," and all in all this was a really solid and enjoyable dark drama! only thing that was kind of a bummer is that the time split between airing the first and second halves killed the momentum a little, but that's entirely netflix fuckery and not the fault of the show

moving

hands-down the best kdrama i watched this year, and possibly my favorite kdrama ever. i didnt plan to watch this one because im sick of superhero everything, but the cast got me wanting to at least try it and omg im glad i did. great acting from literally everyone, wild action scenes, and just beautiful characters and dynamics across every level. the family narratives are so, so good and the whole show is expertly grounded in the concept of planting seeds so your children can see flowers. please give this one a try if you're on the fence about it!

2023 kdramas that i plan to watch (but didnt get to yet!)

my lovely liar

a good day to be a dog

my perfect stranger

revenant

mask girl

bloodhounds

my demon

AWARDS

Favorite ship: juwon and jihee from moving absolutely destroyed me in the like 3 eps they were in, so they win this one. he's a gangster who gets the shit kicked out of him for a living and loves stories with happy endings. she's a weary but always brave sex worker (coded, but still) who decides to trust a lonely man crying in the street. i never thought a motion-sensor light could wreck me the way theirs did. "you have worth to me, and i have worth to you."

Favorite FL: song hye kyo's dong eun in the glory just barely edges out han hyo joo's mihyun in moving. song hye kyo needs to play, like, all the villains and anti-heroes ASAP because that's been the most fun ive had watching her. she took on a dark character and rocked it

Favorite ML: juwon from moving, definitely. to quote my older post:

Moving really said hi this is Juwon. he has scars from gunshots all down his arm. he opened a chicken restaurant. he’s a gangster. he loves pro wrestling because the good guys win. he tried to rip out his own galbladder to prove a point. he’s a proud girl dad. he is unkillable. he stands in the street and cries.

Favorite 2FL: lee min young's incredible, over the top, villainous camp queen lee jung hye from perfect marriage revenge was just so much fun to watch and she ate every single scene she was in. 10/10 would watch her throw lawn chairs in a ballgown all day

Favorite 2ML: i would die for bongseok from moving. precious sunshine child who deserves only the best

Best Cast: im a broken record, but moving. so many characters with such great depth given to them and this was truly an ensemble show A+++

Best WTF: yura eating her paternity results in perfect marriage revenge!!

[snorlaxlovesme]

thoughts and feelings about the Netflix's Live Action Avatar, now that I've finished:

overall, net positive! as i said in my previous post about the first 3 episodes [x], i'm someone who goes into adaptations with minimal expectations, treating it more like fanfiction, so I can spend more time enjoying myself than being a butthurt baby, so with that in mind i can say that I enjoyed myself a lot! there are episodes that i'm actually really excited to rewatch (5 and 6 are bangers and i won't be told otherwise)

i'm not going to lie and claim that any of the actors will be winning Daytime Emmys, but there were a few standout performances for me at least:

-Zuko was incredible. i love the way this version leaned into Zuko's desperation to capture the Avatar, because now he finally had a real chance of being able to come home after all these years. his acting pre- and post-Agni Kai in the flashbacks felt so sincere. his optimism was adorable before the war meeting and his shattered expression after Ozai banished him was fucking heartbreaking.

-i really loved the boy who played Aang. he was so charming and cute! and i think as the episodes went along he gradually got better at displaying more subtle emotion. for such a young child actor i thought he was doing amazing

-Sokka's actor was putting in work in the back half! i was impressed! the first half of the show I was pretty neutral about Sokka's acting but the more development he got the more I appreciated what his actor was bringing to the table. i think he just needed to be paired with the right acting partners in a scene to bring out the best of his abilities. Katara didn't give him much to work off of, but his scenes with Sai and Yue really hit

-Zhao was great too! they really re-worked his character to be a lot more important from the jump and i loved seeing how underhanded he was being during all of Zuko's quest. normally seeing Zhao on-screen just annoys me but i loved this version and how patronizing he was to Zuko

-idk man every time Gyatso was on screen I was crying. that's just how it is. every time i saw his face it felt like a warm hug

i think the weird part of this adaptation is that the parts that were adapted were pretty mid (or sometimes just bad) in a lot of cases, but whenever they added in their own original ideas it really shined! i feel like that's not the case with a lot of adaptation, people want to see what they know, but honestly if they added in more of their own original writing in s2 I would not be mad because i loved what these writers were bringing to the table (for the most part)

-i've already said that the way they structured ep 1 to include the start of the war was awesome. that was a cool change to show the audience from the jump that they weren't planning on boring everyone with a one-to-one(but worse) adaptation. it also set the tone really well bc my GOD do firebenders be setting people on fire in this show

-big fan of the early inclusion of Kyoshi and the idea that Aang can only convene with past Avatars at their temples. that was not a Hard Rule in the original and it always felt weird to me that sometimes he needed to be at a certain place on a certain day to communicate with his past lives but then in the finale he just had to meditate wherever he was. but yeah, they used Kyoshi lore from the novels and did indeed lose my mind about it

-Zuko and the 41st division. that was SUCH a cool storyline that was woven in starting at episode ONE and i was genuinely impressed with how hard it hit. i didn't see that coming and it had me CRYINGGGG. so yeah, BIG thumbs up for that original storyline. and also they inclusion of the post-Agni Kai Zuko recovering in the hospital and getting banished for claiming that maybe the weak just need the opportunity to get strong. heartbreaking, devastating on its own (Zuko's actor truly was killing me, i loved him so much) but once we see Zuko and Azula start going toe-to-toe next season that line will hurt me even more

-the bonding moment about calligraphy between Aang and Zuko was a really good bait and switch. in the original Blue Spirit episode Zuko didn't talk to Aang at all before firing at him. i like that i was expecting it to play out the same way as before but instead they had a moment of connection before Aang triggered Zuko and all potential for empathy was lost.

-which seems like a good time to address Zuko's character. i want to be clear when i say that i liked something because it was different from the original, it doesn't mean that i like it BETTER than the original. i simply think the new version is fun fanfiction that was written better than i expected. so when i say i like how they dealt with Zuko's obsession with honor, i'm in no way implying it's superior to the original. simply a good different

-anyways. in the original, Zuko's obsession with honor is fully connected to his need to be wanted by his father again. OZAI is the only one who can restore it, and it can only be restored by completing an impossible task for him. in the Netflix version it almost seems like Zuko's honor is tied to the disillusion that the Fire Nation itself is honorable. the bit about Lieutenant...Yi? sorry i'm getting his name wrong, but Lieutenant Yi gossiping about a superior officer, Zuko's disbelief that the Fire Nation would ever use such underhanded tactics like planting spies in Omashu, it was clear to me that Zuko bought into a rigid sense of morality and honor when it came to the Fire Nation. i hope we see more of that in s2 so that we can see Zuko's world truly rocked when he and Iroh become refugees

-Katara being hailed as a master was very sweet! i wish she would have gotten SOME training from Paku (could still happen at the start of book 2) but I did enjoy that during the Siege of the North that she got her own little battalion to command bc she was seen as worth warrior

-OH and I love how they explored Sokka's character. again, them taking out Sokka's blatant sexism didn't bother me, so i was happy to see that in taking that out they DID work hard to make Sokka's character motivations rich and meaningful. having him have the same complex about being a lacking warrior as the original cartoon but with the added twist of overhearing his dad's harsh words about his abilities really added something to Sokka's insecurities. i loved the inclusion of Sai encouraging Sokka to become an engineer because it was clear how much that meant to him. considering in the cartoon he does become a pretty badass warrior (while still being mainly an Idea Guy) i wonder how this storyline will play out later. if he'll try harder to fit into the warrior box he thinks he belongs in or if he'll blatantly begin to reject that role for himself and identify more heavily with his engineer side

-the cave of two lovers had me worried for a second because Sokka and Katara were paired together for that and im like UMMM so i thought it was pretty funny how they reinterpreted "love is brightest in the dark" in that scene. not as good as the original, obviously, but a funny reinterpretation that i didn't hate

i probably have more to say on the additions but this is getting long so i think it's time to get to some criticisms. this show was not perfect by any means and i have several gripes with it so i might as well get that out now

-WAIT first i must say that a lot of the bending looked phenomenal. particularly Zuko and Aang's bending. both actors (and their stunt doubles) were great martial artists and the fire effects and air effects were done really well. i was really worried about how they'd adapt airbending (since air is invisible) and they did a great job adding in dust cloud effects and making sure the props in the scene moved they like would if they were blasted by air

-AND i must emphasize that i was not mad at them chopping up storylines and mixing them together. the Mechanist/Jet plotlines had similar themes of seemingly Good People doing unethical things for what they believed to be a good cause, so putting them in the same episode made sense to me. and having Sokka and Katara getting spirited away and caught up in that mist (a fun LOK reference that time, i loved the easter eggs) and then captured by Koh was a good way to separate them from Aang the Blue Spirit arc could take place. that also made sense to me. people who get mad about the re-shuffling of episodes frustrate me to no end.

okay, now onto critique:

-unfortunately, Iroh was a giant flop. i don't know how else to say it. i didn't really like any part of him, from his costuming to his writing to his acting. something about him felt like he was plucked out of a campy low-budget stage play and just thrown into this show while only know his campy stage play lines. both Zuko and Zhao give pretty grounded, emotional performances and Iroh is SO jarring by comparison when he's in the same room as them acting like a caricature of himself for no reason. his wig was terrible, i wish they had made it more flowy because it stayed the same shape and position the whole time, he used the WEIRDEST announcer voice the whole time (like why are you using a voice?? no one else is using a voice??), and his robes seemed out of place when everyone else was wearing leather armor. and they had a moment in episode 4 where an Earth Kingdom soldier really laid into him because back when Iroh was a general he was responsible for the death of Earth Kingdom soldier's brother. i was interested to see this bc we BARELY get to see Iroh's Bad Side in the cartoon and i was curious to see where the live action would go with it. but it ended with Earth Kingdom soldier slugging Iroh or slapping his face or something and Iroh made some snoody remark about how war changes people, and he WASN'T talking about himself. like bro this man just told you you COOKED his brother alive he has earned the right to slug you, what are you talking about! i was expecting remorse, or at the very least a solemn look of guilt over the person Iroh once was, but nothing. it was bad. obviously having the iconic Uncle Iroh be so terrible is a huge mark against the show. i simply cannot defend that

-circling back to Iroh's wig. well. the hair and make-up department went out of their way to make important characters look like their cartoon counterparts and that was not always beneficial. why did Yue look like she was from Whoville. who okayed that.

-many people have already pointed it out, but it was weird in ep 1 that Aang's decision to leave was because he needed to clear his head, not because he was running away from his responsibilities. i have no idea why they made this change, unless the reason was to have every single person (including past Avatars) dog on Aang for not being around during the past 100 years. but even that doesn't hit the same bc it truly wasn't his fault! he went for a drive and got caught in a storm! he intended to be back in a few hours! idk that change didn't make sense to me. i know Aang felt guilt regardless but the guilt was supposed to be from the intentionality of Aang running away

-the way Katara broke Aang out of the iceberg was weird?? she wasn't angry at Sokka for his sexism, but she could have been angry at him for SOMETHING that caused her bending to grow out of control. or at the very least when she was bending the canoe towards her she could have done a sharp pulling motion towards her that ended with her arms behind her, therefore forming the cracks in the ice (kind of a callback to how in the pilot Katara could really only waterbend backwards at first). instead her hands were fully facing forward and she was gently bending in front of her and that led to the ice sphere exploding behind her. its been bothering me. whyyy

-character-wise, Katara was pretty one-note. like the addition of her guilt for getting her mom killed with her subpar waterbending, while not bad, didn't make up for how much she DIDN'T have going on. it felt like they toned down a lot of Katara's character strengths AND flaws to give Sokka more room to arc, then shoved all of Katara's development into the last 2 episodes. they didn't show much of her resilient hope in the face of adversity or rage towards injustice or how petty she could be. part of this could be her actor, who i won't dog on because she is a child actor who will get better with time, but i don't think the flimsy writing of her did her any favors

-score wasn't nearly as good as Jeremy Zuckerman/The Track Team's. remixing some of the A:TLA's score doesn't make up for the fact that all the original scoring in this adaptation was flat by comparison

-Bumi's whole thing was....weird. i didn't mind at first that they speedran through his reveal because i don't think there's a point to try and surprise the three people who haven't seen the original. 99% of the audience knew the King was Bumi, so I didn't see any problem with that. but the set-up flashback of Bumi lasted like 10 seconds and basically just showed him snort. it didn't give you a reason to get attached to him as Aang's past friend. and his current actions didn't help at all. the acting was very Michael Meyer's Cat in the Hat-esque. so. uh. SCARY AND OFFPUTTING. was not a fan of that all. and having him do a few random goofy tests for Aang AFTER already knowing his identity felt...weird? like what's the point of these now? and then having the reveal that he's NOT kooky, he genuinely IS pissed at Aang for being gone, well. hmm. it's not a bad idea in theory. i liked the concept of having someone FROM THIS TIMELINE (looking at you, Kyoshi, Roku, and Kuruk, and your unjustified rage toward Aang) be upset at Aang for leaving the world in such a state of imbalance. having Bumi be like DO YOU KNOW ALL THE SHIT I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH SINCE THE WORLD HAS HAD NO AVATAR, was an interesting line of thought i could have rocked with, butttt.....idk man. it's BUMI. he's supposed to be a living memory of Aang's past to give him comfort and wisdom! it hurt to see this version be so cruel to Aang and basically force him to try to kill him just to prove a point. i would have rather had them write out Bumi altogether and use that episode for something else than to smear his name like that

-i'm tentatively alright with Azula's plotline right now. the Zuko line "Azula was born lucky, I was lucky to be born" is really essential to how their rivalry worked in the cartoon. Azula was a cold-hearted prodigy while Zuko was compassionate boy but average bender. i liked the idea of showing how Ozai intentionally pitted his children against each other. i liked seeing Azula's moment of defiance where she claims she's DONE being tested because she know how good her abilities are. i liked seeing the origin of her lighting bending. all of those were cool fanfiction. the thing that worries me is that we, the audience, have already seen Azula's doubt in herself, something we weren't privy to until the very end of the series. plus showing how hard Azula trains kind of undercuts the fact that Zuko is supposed to think he can't measure up to her because of her natural abilities that he DOESN'T have. they DID plant the seed to Zuko that Azula was the one backing Zhao the whole time, so we do have some of their rivalry primed to go. but the rivalry in the original is extremely one-sided. it will be odd to see Azula fighting just as hard to earn Ozai's affection, because intrinsically she should think that game was won a long time ago. so yeah. i'm not mad about it YET, just interested to see how it plays out

and then there are little nitpicks that could be resolved in season 2, should it get picked up again

-Aang not learning any waterbending or burning Katara with firebending can be woven into the early eps of season 2 before Toph's introduction

-the gaang's chemistry will only grow stronger with time. as the cast becomes better friends, as the kids become better actors with age, and considering they don't separate much in s2, i have faith that will iron itself out naturally

-tbh im sure there are more but this is so long i'm fizzling out. i'm fading. i must stop.

but yeah! good and bad! there's lots to unpack but in general i think it was fun. i'm excited for more.

[chirpsythismorning]

So what I'm hearing is that Netflix planned on holding on for around 6 months, but due to the support from the public and now actors and directors, they might have to give in sooner than they expected?

I mean, basically.

The longest strike was 153 days, which is approximately five months.

You could argue Netflix is willing to hold out for as long as the writers are, which the record shows, is not that long, with the most being five months because people can't survive not being paid for that long.... That's why there is a number that we are able to guess at least roughly speaking.

It's not like a strike can go on for 1-2 years or something. If it did, hypothetically speaking, I would guess entertainment as we know it would never return again. And so I'm just gonna guess (hope) that it won't reach that level of severity...

There’s no way for certain to know what Netflix was thinking going into this. We can speculate based on what they've said leading up to it and based on how they talk about it and dance around the situation now, but for now it’s just a guessing game.

And so don't mind me guessing away.

I'm gonna guess that Netflix was probably optimistic that a lot of people wouldn't be willing to join the strike, bc of how recent COVID delays were and how negatively that impacted a lot of people's lives and income. There's a good chance their assumption was that the majority wouldn't be willing to put themselves through something like that all over again, and so soon.

But I think that they grossly underestimated that our society has changed A LOT since 2007, which is maybe in part what they were basing a lot of their assumptions on. It really doesn't take much these days to bring a bunch of people together and make them inspire change. We've seen entire companies change things because of backlash in a matter of hours. Social media has made this the norm, with it being very difficult in recent years to sweep stuff like this under the rug, expecting to come out of it comfortably. A lot of people are saying that this strike has a lot more support from the public in general than the previous strike did. And not only do you have writers striking, but big names in entertainment striking alongside them (and counting).

What I am intrigued by, is if they thought Stranger Things would continue production, despite the strike? Arguably we know most of s5 was already written, or at least somewhere around the first 5-6 episodes.

If the Duffers were sellouts, ready to cash in, they could have, as the creators themselves, started filming and fixed scripts on their own during the production and said fuck the writers, essentially siding with Netflix. And then by the time those later episodes needed to be filmed, the Duffers could have either written them all by themselves in time or maybe the strike would be over by that point and they would be back in the mix? TBH a lot of fans had this expectation, so I do wonder if Netflix had it too...

What was even on everyones minds leading up to this strike? What was Netflix thinking? What were the Duffer Brother's thinking? What were the ST writers thinking? What were all the key players involved with the show thinking? And were they fully disclosing how they planned to execute their thoughts and decisions, with with one another?

Something I think about, is how leading up to the strike, there was this almost calculated approach to how the writers were doing things...

They knew the strike was coming, and yet they were making an effort to engage with fans consistently, in that month leading up to it, like it was business as usual, with genuine easter eggs and stuff to get fans hyped up like they always do, all with the assumption filming was just around the corner. And since the strike obviously they have been silent, striking.

Because of how they went about it, it almost felt like a last minute choice, but maybe that was their plan? Like maybe that was the whole point?

If they had posted about the strike too soon or gave the impression filming wasn't actually right around the corner, that might have worked against them? Maybe they wanted to give everyone, including Netflix, the impression that filming was starting in June as planned, but then pull the rug under everyone once the strike finally got set in motion?

Because tbh the Duffers joining in on the strike is one of the biggest power moves of all of the power moves going on out there. ALL of them. Netflix is believed to be who is going to hold this strike out more than any other streamer/network.....

And so, technically speaking, seeing as ST5, Netflix's biggest show of all time, cannot start filming until this strike is over... Something's gotta give.

It’s crazy to think, but the second that the strike ends, filming for s5 is going to start getting set up and started. Netflix themselves are putting off the filming of their show rn, not the writers asking for fair wages. Why would we want writers being underpaid to write our shows, while the CEO's are making hundreds of millions...? Why in the hell would Netflix want to force the writers to settle for a horrible deal in the end, only to have them return to work saying HEY welcome back sorry about that. The animosity, the whole vibe would be awful. Out of everyone, least of all the writers don't want to have to go back to work feeling defeated and wronged, only to be expected to create their best work to date. They're all out here doing what they're doing because they love it and now their standing up to say they want to be properly compensated for all that work and dedication. It's not asking that much and that's the reality of the situation. Netflix needs to face that reality before they lose the trust of their entire work force and user base.

There's another aspect to this I want to guess, and it sort of pisses me off, but I'm going to say it anyways because I had thought about it a while back.

I made claims over these last few months, that I thought it would take between 10-12 months to film ST5 (for in-demand actors schedule conflict reasons) and with another 7 months at least for post production. This assumption put s5 at a late fall 2024 release or an early spring 2025 release.

One main concern I had back then, but didn't really talk about, was how even though a March 2025 release seemed like plenty of time, that because Netflix is known for their love of ST seasons releasing in the summer, what if they held off to do just that?.

Netflix is convinced summer it's when ST will get the most views. They have a whole thing about it. And so, I worried that even though the math added up to March 2025, even as a worst case scenario, that for some reason, we could end up getting it in summer 2025.

Another reason why I think Netflix would want a summer 2025 release as opposed to a fall 2024 or a spring 2025, is because the longer ST stays on their platform with this hype for it with a new season still coming, the better.

Once Stranger Things is gone, there are just so many unknowns for Netflix...

While I doubt they're so unreasonable as to wait it out until Summer 2026 (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here), I wouldn't be surprised if one factor for why they are okay with waiting this strike out for a good 3-4 months at least, is because then they'll be able to have the excuse to release ST5 in summer 2025, despite all the complaints from consumers saying its too long of a wait, with the excuse being, well the strike happened and that's just the way it is.

And so yeah having this thought recently sort of pissed me off. Just because I think they would benefit a lot from a Summer 2025 release vs. anything earlier than that, along with them preferring their summer releases.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think this is their only reason for doing what they're doing by all means. However, if ST is a big concern and deciding factor for them regardless (it is), then they are arguably thinking about the worst and best case scenarios, and ST5 Summer 2025 probably doesn't sound all that bad to them...

Filming for ST5 would need to start in about 5ish months from now, for them to have a comfortable Summer 2025 release, imo. This is how I feel right now based on my assumptions on how long filming and post-production will take, being about 16-19 months overall.

BUT again I think that them holding out too long is not looking good for their brand which is already really at risk as it is.

It's hard to have aesthetic luncheons with investors and advertisers and new talent hoping to join the happy family, when there's all this negative press surrounding them, making people think twice before wanting to associate with them.

I would say now, more than ever before, I am pretty cautiously optimistic.

If the writers and the actors AND even directors were to go on strike, all at once, that's not exactly heard of. As far as I know that's never happened in our history. Hell even if it's just the writers and the actors, who are the directors going to direct exactly??!??

I do wonder how far they're going to be willing to take this.

It's just pennies for them to resolve this, like it could literally be resolved with the person at the top saying just get it done with and we'd be on our way.

But they're greedy about short term gains and they also want to create an environment of having their employees fear risking losing it all, having no choice but to accept the bare minimum, than for them to feel the courage to actually stand up at the risk of losing it all.

It's going to be an interesting next few weeks and potentially months, depending on how the next few weeks go down...

Again, cautiously optimistic!

[matbaynton]

tagged by @baynton thank you!! 💙

8 shows to get to know me better

1. BBC GHOSTS

copying nat here to say that this is also where the mat obsession started 😈 my friend hallie (who i will also be tagging to do this obviously) got me into it and i cannot thank them enough for giving me the brainrot! i've watched this show.... idk how many times now i'm constantly rewatching it but i still laugh (and/or cry) every time. don't think i needed to know how absolutely FERAL and UNHINGED and RABID i was capable of being, i swear i was normal before i saw thomas thorne. i WAS, and no one can disprove that so just believe me 🤡 he is my sopping wet babygirl pathetic chewtoy and i love him.... so much..... and i want to d*e on the button house property and become a ghost more than anything in the whole world. anyway this show is fantastic and it changed my life and there isn't a single bad main character!

2. STRANGER THINGS

not sure if it's because i watched this show the year it came out (and on the night before/night of my 18th birthday, so it ended up being the best birthday i've had in years which is. still true lmao) but it continues to hold such a special place in my heart, and i can't truly explain why. gonna be honest seeing that winona ryder was in it immediately made me want to watch (and i love joyce byers + jopper a normal amount) i'm also really into horror and gross shit and this show really delivers on that sometimes, it's fantastic 🫡

3. THE OWL HOUSE

i don't think i can talk about this show for too long without crying lmao, but for a silly starter: THERE IS SO MUCH GOD DAMN FUCKING PURPLE IN THIS SHOW IT IS VERY PLEASING TO MY EYEBALLS!!!!! i'm a huge blubbering baby when it comes to the found family trope and this show has that! not to mention the incredible lgbt+ rep that truly shocked me to my core. i've also never related to a fictional character more than luz noceda, it's almost unsettling. still haven't watched the finale because i'm in denial about it being over and fuck disney channel for cancelling it.

4. DOCTOR WHO

besides glee and pretty little liars (that i'm surprisingly not putting on this list for reasons) this was one of the first real tv shows i've gotten into. my friend and i stumbled upon it on netflix (back in the ancient times of the early 2010's) she wasn't into it AT ALL but when i went home i immediately started watching the rest of it. i love all of the doctors/companions/eras in so many different ways, and every time i rewatch this show it feels like home <3

5. YONDERLAND

99% of the characters in this show are complete dumbasses and i'm truly here for it,. also seeing mat as so many different freaky sexy characters fixed me made me worse. HOWEVER.... the felt puppets still strike fear into my heart, i've gotten somewhat used to it but i still want to scream and poop my pants whenever i see them.

6. COMMUNITY

as we've established i'm a fan of the found family trope (even the FUCKED UP PROBABLY MENTALLY BAD FOR EACH OTHER kind of found family) besides how funny this show is (and how much i love troy and abed AND WANT WHAT THEY HAVE MORE THAN ANYTHING) it was also the first time i interpreted autism portrayed in a somewhat better way than i had ever seen before on television (of course abed being autistic isn't technically canon, hence "interpreted") but i really appreciated it and the fact that he IS canonically the most mentally stable in the group is incredible and i love it. will NEVER forgive them for making a felt puppet episode though, it haunts my nightmares.

7. SANTA CLARITA DIET

drew barrymore plays a zombie milf and timothy olyphant plays her hot husband who helps her kill shitty people to eat. wtf else do i need to say? it's a masterpiece and i wake up every day hating netflix for cancelling it

8. TOO MANY SPIRITS

YEAH THIS IS A SHOW! I'M COUNTING IT AS A SHOW! i knew i was going to put at least one watcher show on this list because i love these idiots so dearly. i chose too many spirits because the amount of times i've almost (😐) pissed myself from laughter watching these morons get drunk and tell stupid stories is TOO MANY..... spirits! like the name of the show! too many! too many times 🤡 anyway

tagging (no pressure to do it!) @larryrickard @reysorigins @softdavidrose @karura @captainsjack @jugheadscrowns @bejeweledantihero @hannamarins

[meherya]

Let’s talk Bloodhounds and how we need Netflix to lose the rights to stream kdramas

Honestly, if it wasn’t for Woo Do Hwan I wouldn’t even be here... but we support princess peach lips so we were sat for the whole 8 episodes.

I feel like the show started off pretty strong, it was interesting to see how they incorporated COVID-19 to be an integral part of the story. The character introductions were decent and the pacing wasn’t too bad the first half of the show. The fight scenes were amazing I do have to say, whoever did the fight choreo outsold truly.

I think everything went downhill end of episode 5/start of episode 6, and that partly has to do with the fact that we only had like 3 episodes left to wrap everything up. After their homebase gets destroyed, and all the senior ex-loan sharks are killed, there was potential for the stakes to be even higher for Gun Woo and Co. but it felt like it fizzled out right after.

They spent a good portion of time showing how the Hyeon Ju, Gun Woo, Woo Jin trio developed and after Mr. Choi’s death they were like oop she’s leaving!!!! While I get that they show Hyeon Ju is averse to the violence required to do what needs to be done earlier in the show, I think it would’ve been a turning point for her character to see how Smile Capital destroyed her life making her willing to do whatever it takes to get revenge.... instead they had her run off like okay?

I know the focus of the show was always Gun Woo and his bromance with Woo Jin and boxing but I think they really did Hyeon Ju a disservice with that “It’s too painful to be here”... and after that the stakes just seemed non-existent? The ending was rushed, like okay we get obvious fan service scenes of the two guys training and deciding to take down Myeong Gil but at the same time it was like... Who cares about that annoying chaebol and his cop cousin... I didn’t care if the video got released, I had no attachment to this loser. Obviously, they were a stepping stone for Gun Woo/Woo Jin to use to take down Myeong Gil but it felt very lackluster...

The use of Mr. Oh and his granddaughter to give Gun Woo a moment of reflection like “I don’t want to repeat history” was so.... I don’t know how to put this eloquently but I think this Netflix formula of having less than 10 episodes really fucked with the writing bc most characters aren’t given time to process their thoughts and emotions after something huge happens.. at least that was how it felt like to me!! The episode restraint also seemed to really fuck with the writing with how everything wrapped up in the last third of the show, not to mention the last minute character introductions? The dirty cop? The granddaughter too, while she was cool... it was like once again idk her!!... The ending felt rushed, and the final fight scenes...... LAME!!!!!!! Do Hwan and Sang Yi looked slayful but other than that... what was the point...

I think it would’ve been cool to get an insight into Myeong Gil himself like why is he the way he is, how did he come across his little crew?? Not much character work was being done in this show :/

The time jump post-Mr. Choi also was kind of muddy, and I feel like it would’ve been a much more interesting turn if the jump was a few years and included the boys training while Hyeon Ju carefully builds up a network again... Instead we had a ??? time jump with Him and Himbo just doing cold calls with their old allies in hopes that someone bites....

I need Dramafever to come back to kdramas don’t have to rely on Netflix to reach an international audience because come on...

EDIT:

NOT ME FINDING OUT THAT HYEON JU’S ACTRESS WAS ON TRIAL FOR A DUI AND THAT’S WHY THEY RANDOMLY CUT HER GIRL ???? UM ANYWAYS..... WATCH TALE OF THE NINE TAILED 1938 FOR THE FANTASY KDRAMA OF 2K23

[jadespadegames]

2022 Greatest Hits

Uhhh technically tagged by @cassthecringe and I guess I'm supposed to think of 10 good things that happened this year.

Even though this year ended pretty badly, looking back there was plenty of stuff that went pretty well. At least, compared to previous years.

1) After like 6 years of online friendship I finally met my dear friend @eldridgeparking IRL! It was so much fun and honestly I still can't believe that really happened. (Wtf my online friends are real tangible people?)

2) I guess I was technically approved for a big raise a few months back but some stuff's kinda made that raise not yet take effect :/ Hopefully it'll go through in January but I'm still gonna count that as a good thing for this year.

3) Uhhh I guess I wrote a good chunk of Part 01 for THV, although a bunch of it needs to be rewritten later lol. Figured out a lot of important plot/character stuff tho that I think are major improvements.

4) Watched a bunch of good movies and TV shows this year, rn I can think of Everything Everywhere All At Once, Glass Onion (managed to watch it in theaters last month :'D), Mob Psycho 100 (finally finished the whole series augh), Spy x Family

5) Went to the San Diego Zoo, that was cool. Finally saw a California Condor irl which was something I've wanted to see for a long time. Plus, San Diego Zoo is responsible for saving the species from certain extinction so it was nice to see them there of all places.

6) Got a new phone, a Samsung Galaxy Flip 4. I was skeptical about the foldable function but it's actually working pretty well and I like being able to put my phone easily in my pockets again.

7) Wait I can't believe I forgot this happened only this year until now but I got my own room for once! Not that I didn't have one when I was a kid but it was so full of my childhood stuff and also stuff my parents didn't have room for that it didn't really feel like My Room. In college I always lived in a small room with roommates. But now I have my own space for once that I sorta put together which is nice.

8) Saw Wicked live, thought it was enjoyable (at least the first act, second act was a bit. Hmm). Glinda's actress stole the show though she was an absolute riot. After seeing two musicals live tho I really wish I could read captions because I can't tell wtf they're singing most of the time and I feel like that makes me miss a bunch of stuff-

9) Uhhh my DrakeNier Meme Twitter sorta took off after I posted a few bangers

10) (If you can't tell I was really struggling to come up with things towards the end) I bought and finished the Bone comics after never finishing them as a child and they were wonderful. Netflix how dare you cancel the adaptation YOU HAD GREATNESS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS

Uhhh I tag anyone who wants to do this, happy new year everyone (:

[shittatite]

Shittatites Nonsense Junction

I have created hundreds of lists to keep record of the things i read, watch, listen, eat (basically all my core interests as anyone's) but i can never keep a proper tab because first i am lazy, plus there is no one app where I can put all my shiz but then i remembered of my core-existence-app tumblr where i can literally dump anything and everything, just for my sake and nobody else's I am going to journal everything here on my page. oh who how I love this app So, I will be calling this my - nonsense junction and I will be updating it every month (at least try) starting from September.

August - September Junction (I know it's not over and not even midway through, I was just excited to put something, i couldnt care less about anything)-

Stuff Read - works (ao3):

Deadly Match - (enemies to lover/revenge plot/super angsty/they hate eachother until they cant and they are super in love with eachother/my best best jikook fic ever) {5/5}

Nothing New - (closeted jk/out and proud jm/roomates-friends-lovers/jk confused by the beauty of jm quite literally) {2.5/5}

books (epub/paperback):

Beautiful World Where Are You? - Sally Rooney - (two best friends in their late 20's writing letters to each other on their lives, so beautifully written that I had a hard time not underlining the whole book) {5/5}

currently reading:

The Bookshop Woman - Nanako Hanada

Stuff Watched - movies - (on any media platform)

Longlegs {USA, some website) - I liked it, i liked the jumpscares, the eeries feeling that something is off throughout the movie, the plot twist, i think this movie was supposed to creep up on you and it certainly creeped up my body {4/5}

Sleepy Hallow {USA, some website) - liked johnny depp's acting ngl (still dont like him) a lot, liked the suspense, liked watching the movie and enjoying it, dont understand how the f they became a couple but to each their own {3.5}

Stree 2 (India, - loved how the director connected the universes together from stree to munjiya, liked the cameo roles, i love movies where there is a full circle, or where the universes connect existing in the same timeline, you know?!? {4/5}

series -

Goedam (Korea, Netflix) - The only reason I gave it a watch was that I was super pmsing and wanted to watch horror and this was short but oh my did I get scared? oh yes, those 6-8 minutes were so beautifully directed that I almost died shit you not

The Boyfriend (Korea, Netflix) - Ohhhhhh my fav boys ever, super sweet, super fun like such good show about a group of boys coming together to find a chance at love, only for them to end up finding so much more, its pleasing to watch and so comforting not only to eyes but it just fills your heart with so much love and fondness, the way they articulate their feelings, I am a dai-shun girl all in all, but can we really really talk about kazuto being one of the prettiest beings on earth? like that boy is beautiful

My Stand-In (Thailand, Telegram) - I loved it I simply devoured it in one go, i couldn't stop watching no matter how toxic it got, the messier it is, the better I like it, i love poomp and up together, give them to me in anything, I will take it.

The Boys S3 {USA, Prime) - I love the thrill, I am living for it, and I do get irritated by it but I like it, I love how weirder and weirder it gets

trailers - I am a girl who loves trailers, i love going to the theaters before to watch trailers, so hence a category, it is just things that i like

Sector 36 - I love crime, I have studied crime and it fascinates me, it's based on Nithari Killings and I know about the case but I am excited to watch the whole thing and I know it will be dramatized and all but it has pappy ji and vikrant in it like imma gonna give it a watch for the acting

currently watching:

The boys S4 - Butcher is going to die what?! nooo not before killing homelander

Jack and Joker - I am going down with this

Stuff Listened to (that i went gaga over)-

Neva Play by Megan and RM is here and oh my KIM NAMJOON, what in the world is that legal, what's up stallion should be injected in everyone's body

[carmenized-onions]

hi! this isn't related to chicago's kindest (which is amazing btw, can't wait to read ch. 6) but i saw that you're in film/tv and i'm wondering how that's going for you!! i've always been passionate about film but i'm not currently pursuing it in school, so i wanted to know what you're currently doing with that (if you're comfortable sharing) or if you can give any insight to people looking into going to school for that industry!!

Oh my lovely lovely summer child.

I'm gonna tell you a bunch of shit. And you're gonna do me a favour, you're gonna listen to none of it. You're going to completely ignore any advice anyone gives you, and you're gonna do what the fuck YOU wanna do. Not everything has panned out perfect for me, but I will never ever ever regret pursuing film, and I have every intention of coming back to it on an actual career stand point.

Right now, I'm not in film or tv (career wise. I stay fuckin' writing my scripts tho, it's vv important to do that on the side). Alas. Such is life. I do admin. Cute lil' desk job. I like it. The people are nice, as are the hours, as is the idea of consistent cash flow.

Film for a lot of people is either gig based or teetering on being laid off if you've got a permanent position or a union job that, if you're being honest with yourself, you are scared it's gonna become dead end. That's right out of school, at least. That's probably gonna be like, the first 5-10 years. I'm only on year 2. It's fucking hell. It goes by slow and you feel like everyone is succeeding more than you. I want you to know, they're not. You're not falling behind-- My mentor, a prolific director/writer (like worked with Netflix and shit) said so, so it's not just me saying so.

We're amid strikes and union busting and revolutions-- It's so complicated, rn. And honestly, I got my degree in the pandemic-- The entire industry is absolutely still feeling the effects of that. I'd also add here, while I think my information is vague enough to go for all of North America-- I am Canadian. So if you live in a major U.S city like Chicagooooo or New York or Los Angeles-- You're going to have a radically different experience than I am in Toronto.

If you feel comfy DMing me, we can chat more about your interests! I love film, I love to write-- I love to direct. That's what I did in school, and I'll be damned if I don't do that shit again. But those things do take time to be allowed to do professionally.

The best advice I can give you: When you're in school-- Socialize. Do your best on student films, because if you beef it it goes around FAST. I had a fantastic reputation in Film College ngl, and it served me extremely well. Keep up your connections.

Get a good consistent job that gives you a schedule you can work with, then work on your own film shit on the side. Get weird. Stay learning. I'm gonna start going to local improv because that's what all the writer's i've known do. And they have careers now. So. Yknow.

Things I wish I did different:

I fucking hate applying to festivals, but you have to do it, i'm so sorry.

Every. Summer. Apply for an internship. Any internship. Any film internship, rather.

You will be okay if you study a little bit less and spend time with your peers a little bit more. That didn't neccessarily impact where I am now-- But it's just something that looking back i'm like... I didn't need to take these notes... I shoulda went to that party my friends begged me to join.

And if you want bluntness? My classmates who took production management/producer courses? They're all the ones with consistent film jobs now. But like. Again. Do what the fuck YOU want. Don't follow the money, it won't end up feeding you.

This was a lot, but again, feel free to DM me if you want even more deranged ramblings. I'm happy to go into more personal detail-- It's honestly vv important that you go to a film school that's actually fuckin' WORTH SOMETHING-- Because a lot of them are snake oil. I love/hate my College tho. Love them because I learned more than I would anywhere else. Hate them because that was psychological torture everyday I think I had a panic attack like 3 times a week.

LOVE YOU HOPE THIS WAS USEFUL GOOD LUCK BABY!!!

[reekierevelator]

After the Party

(a short radio play in three scenes)

CHARACTERS

Yvette                   Late twenties, smart clothes, carrying a handbag

Murdo                  Late twenties, smart-casual clothes

Jack                      Middle aged, jeans and polo shirt

Bob                        Late teens, jeans and polo shirt

SCENE ONE

Location - In a black taxi – FX taxi noise

Time – 4pm, Saturday afternoon, March 2023 (the new age of austerity)

1 Yvette

And the way that guy kept on about his yacht…  What was his name?

2 Murdo

Oh yes, that guy - Guy

3 Yvette

Oh yes, Guy – humblebragging about almost drowning himself when he fell overboard off St Lucia after drinking Cristal champagne all day.

4 Murdo

It wasn’t Cristal that Roger was pouring into our glasses back there.

5 Yvette

Some sort of fizzy plonk for the plebs I think. I saw Lucinda take a sip and she screwed her face up at him. And the place, I expected at least a decent three course sit-down – just a buffet – and nachos and melted cheese. I ask you, a ‘buffet restaurant’, and they called it a Swiss raclette or something. It was definitely cheddar. I thought that fondue business went out with the dinosaurs. Slices of cold ham, potato salad, French bread, and that gateaux was awful. I could have made a much better meal at home. To be honest, I think Roger and Lucinda are feeling the pinch.

6 Murdo

I got that impression too – though admittedly they were paying for everything.  Guy could have stumped up. I heard him virtue-signalling, telling you his usual story about how he started out as a brickie’s hod carrier and ended up owning the whole nationwide company. It’s sort of true. He did work on a building site for a couple of weeks during college vacations. But it was in his uncle’s building firm. His uncle never married. No kids. Guy inherited everything. But anyway, it was only a Saturday lunchtime get-together. Roger just wanting to mark his birthday with some old pals.  

7 Yvette

Saturday night is more appropriate. Shame  about Lucinda’s working – what did you say – second job driving nightshift taxis?  Lunchtime is more like something for kids, a children’s birthday party. The only thing missing was candles on that dreadful cake.

8 Murdo

Maybe they didn’t think about it? They haven’t got any kids.  Kids are such an enormous expense, aren’t they?  If you were keen we could maybe think about children in a year or two. Roger’s NHS salary must be worth a lot less that when I first met him a few years ago. But at least he’s managed to get on the housing ladder – huge mortgage – Lucinda’s taxi work must help pay for it. He was gobbling food like he hadn’t eaten for weeks. What is it Wodehouse says – ‘getting himself outside of’ - whole platefuls of cold ham, pakora, sausage rolls and samosas.

9 Yvette

Not quite the haute cuisine you’d led me to expect. What does Lucinda do?

10 Murdo

She was waitressing for a couple of years after graduating. Hotel receptionist now… I got some hot runny cheese on my best shirt. One for the dry-cleaner’s. Even dry-cleaners charge a fortune these days.

11 Yvette

At least we can drop the forced smiles now and have a pleasant evening with a glass of decent wine and some chocolates.

12 Murdo

That’s true. We may not be in Guy’s league but we aren’t quite counting the pennies yet.

13 Yvette

Well, as we agreed when we moved in together last year, you count your pennies and I’ll count mine – except of course for the big things, like me being lumbered paying the rent.

14 Murdo

You’re not going to bring that up again are you?  We agreed. You’re the rent -and your phone contract of course - but I’m everything else – council tax, gas, electricity, water, broadband, tv licence, tv subscriptions – Netflix, Disney+, Prime, -food, drink, taxis…

15 Yvette

No need to rattle on about it Murdo. I sometimes think dividing up our finances this way suits you because whenever we’re out with other people you can give the appearance that you pay for me, for everything - meals, alcohol, entertainment,  - that certainly seemed to be the impression that bitch Sophie had when she joked that if we were a business partnership I must be the sleeping partner.

16 Murdo

She was talking about herself, her own business Yvy, not us.

17 Yvette

She was implying I sleep with you in exchange for financial support. How does that Sophie besom manage to live so well anyway? What does she do?

18 Murdo

Her dad made money. Spent years buying old flats cheap, doing them up then selling them at a profit. He moved on to letting them out instead of selling them. Then he let Sophie take over. These days I think there are more than a dozen properties she lets out.

19 Yvette

Sounds like easy money to me. That man Cameron she’s with. Grinning like a hyena. ‘Isn’t it great how house prices keep shooting up’ he says. I just smiled sweetly. I know you said Cammy’s parents bought that place for him when he was a student but it doesn’t help. I tried talking to him about my work. He said he was sure I made a wonderful shop assistant – I am not a shop assistant Murdo!

20 Murdo

Of course you aren’t Yvy. You’re in retail, you’re the deputy manager of a classy little boutique in the St James Quarter.

21 Yvette

There’s still that prat James above me; thinks he’s God’s gift. But I could hear that Sophie sniggering behind my back, implying to your friends that I was some kind of kept woman.

22 Murdo

That’s a little paranoid Yvy.  You make it sound like she was trying to undermine you, gaslighting you.

23 Yvette

She sort of threatened to come into my shop and make me serve her while she tried on the most expensive dresses – talked about haute couture – wouldn’t know haute couture if it fell on her head. Well, anyway, gas lighting would be up to you. You certainly wouldn’t want to stump up for gas lighting.

24 Murdo

You’re right there. The way fuel and food prices have been rocketing up I think I got the worst of the bargain when we divided up our overhead costs.

25 Yvette

The rent’s not cheap Murdo.  I think they’re planning to put it up again soon.

SCENE TWO

Location  – Front door of flat on arrival home

Time – 4.30pm, Saturday afternoon

1 Murdo

[about to put key in door]   The fares black cabs charge is really getting beyond a joke Yvy. 

2 Yvette

Well I don’t understand why you’ve let the garage keep our car all this time.  That must be three weeks now they’ve been working on it.  I mean how much repair work needs doing after an MOT?  Unless you make a fuss tradesmen are just in no hurry at all these days are they?

3 Murdo

I know Ubers and minicabs look a bit cheap to you Yvy but honestly these days you can make a good case for just taking the bus – a proper and sensible thing to do - fighting climate change and so on.  The bus would have been just as quick. ….   Wait a minute, did you forget to lock the door? 

4 Yvette

No, of course not. And you were last out as usual.

5 Murdo

[peering closely at the lock]   Well anyway, it’s still open. Hells bells Yvy, it looks like the lock’s been forced. 

6 Yvette

Oh God, has someone broken into the flat?

7 Murdo

There’s a light on inside. I can hear people talking.  We should call the police.

8 Yvette

[striding into the flat]    Oh for God’s sake Murdo.  These days the police won’t bother getting here for hours, maybe days.  I pay the rent on this place; I pay for that door. I’ll bloody well sort this out myself!

9 Jack

[rising from a kneeling position in the hall]     Oh, ah, hullo there.  Just back are you eh?  Been on holiday? 

10 Yvette

Holidays? … [aside  how do we divide the cost of holidays?] ….You’ve been caught red-handed, give yourself up…

11 Jack

Knocked and rang the bell.  No answer.  Let myself in.

12 Yvette

[threatening to hit Jack with handbag]    Let yourself in? Who the hell do you think you are breaking into my flat? … 

13 Jack

Ah, hang on, see missus, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick there…

14 Yvette

[Yvette startled as Bob pokes his head out from the under-the-stairs cupboard]  Another one! And who the hell is that?

15 Jack

Ah, well this little chap would be Bob. We work as a team see, I…..

16 Yvette

A bloody gang of thieves.  Murdo, there’s two of them!  Don’t let them escape.  Block the door.  [She searches in her handbag and pulls out a pair of nail scissors.]  Try to run and I swear I’ll poke your eye out with these.

17 Bob

Easy on there missus, we’re only swapping the meters aren’t we.

18 Yvette

What do you mean, ‘swapping the meters’?

19 Jack

Well we’re Northern Gas missus. [Jack turns and points to the writing on the back of his polo shirt – ‘Northern – it’s a gas, gas, gas’]  Just here to do the meters … gas meter…

20 Bob

…and I’m on the electricity…  

21 Yvette

[perplexed, brandishing scissors]    ‘Do the meters?’ ‘Do the meters?’

22 Jack

Yes, both … your dual fuel contract see…

23 Bob

You’ll have had all the text messages…

24 Jack

…Or emails…

25 Bob

…The envelopes with big red lettering.

26 Murdo

[slapping his forehead]    Ah, oh dear, my goodness.  Well, now I think about it I might be able to explain some of this Yvy.

27 Yvette

What do you mean, ‘explain’?

28 Murdo

Well, it’s true, there were emails – rather a lot of emails in fact – and then there was a letter… letters… – printed in red.

29 Jack

Yes, that’s right, see that’s how it works missus.

30 Yvette

Good God Murdo, are you trying to tell me that these… these people, really are Northern Gas employees, and they’ve broken into my flat…

31 Jack

Well not ‘broken in’ – that’s not right missus.  All legitimate, above board.  See gas, water, electric –  right of entry anytime – case of emergency and so on, so…

32 Yvette

…broken into my flat because, because, because they’re converting, force-fitting, turning our gas and electricity meters into prepayment meters, because, because…

33 Jack

Because the bills haven’t been paid, have they missus?  Payments stopped weeks ago.  Company left with no choice.

34 Yvette

[turning angrily on Murdo]    For God’s sake Murdo, is this true?  How could you forget to arrange the direct debits? That’s all it takes – a little bit of competent household management. No need to stand there looking like you’ve lost a pound and found a penny. Get it sorted!

35 Murdo

[shame-faced]   Ah, well, actually it is a little more complicated than that really.  I did set up the direct debits pretty well, but, well…

36 Bob

Stopped working, did they? - no money in the bank account? – [aside] that’s usually the way of it, isn’t it Jack?

37 Yvette

[stunned]   No money!?... but surely… automatic bank overdraft….

38 Murdo

Yvy you know when I said at least we aren’t quite counting the pennies yet, well it’s not quite true. To be honest…

39 Yvette

[hitting Murdo with her handbag]   No money?...No money in your bank account?...

40 Murdo

[squirming, ashen faced]  Sorry, even the overdraft up to the hilt. Financially embarrassed. Skint. Boracic…  See, it’s the job.

41 Yvette

What’s wrong with the job?  Working hard, going out to the Brewery’s offices every day, pottering about filling in computer forms and spreadsheets, - you say it’ll all be fully automated soon, but not yet, no not yet, - then home by six-thirty every day. You’ve always enjoyed admin, clerical work. What’s wrong with the job?

42 Murdo

The thing is, when the government pandemic subsidies – furlough and so on – stopped, the beer prices still went up - drinkers cutting back, pubs closing, exports plummeting – bloody Brexit - they just didn’t need so many people to organise deliveries…

43 Yvette

You’ve lost your bloody job!?

44 Murdo

That’s the long short. Two months ago.  Negligible redundancy money - not there long enough. But then your shop re-opened and you were busy checking stock, encouraging sales, helping on the counter, still people with money out there… and I, well I’ve been, eh, hanging around, walking around the parks mainly, hoping my savings would stretch till I found a new job. Hoped your salary might tide us over if I had to ask. Actually, lots of vacancies out there – hotel cleaners, burger flippers, call centres – that kind of thing - zero hours – how do people live on those wages?  I even looked at fast food bicycle delivery... 

45 Bob

Your legs aren’t strong enough guv, nothing personal, just saying.  Amount of deliveries you got to do to make a living wage… needs strong legs…

46 Murdo

And people cutting back anyway – can’t afford delivery – cost of food up nearly 20% - Just Eat, Deliveroo – all letting people go or forcing them to be self-employed again – companies never made a profit anyway, and…

47 Jack

Driving though? – You could drive a van – help clog up the streets like all those Asda and Amazon and…

48 Murdo

… and utilities company vans.

49 Jack

Here, somebody’s got to fit PPM. It’s a living.

50 Murdo

Maybe not for anyone with scruples? A bit morally dubious sometimes? Cutting off heating – kids – old people - disabled…left freezing, hungry…

51 Yvette

For God’s sake Murdo. You’re the bloody slough of despond. At least the rent’s still paid. I’m still paying the rent.

52 Murdo

Oh well that will keep Sophie happy at least – the only way I managed to find a flat…

53 Yvette

Oh, that’s great! Our landlady – that bitch!  And the car in the MOT garage – no doubt the repair bill’s still unpaid?

53 Murdo

[apologetic]  And the tax, insurance, not to mention petrol… One thing just leads to another…

54 Yvette

[aggressive]  Oh for God’s sake get a grip Murdo. Listen, it can’t be too hard to learn how to convert meters can it? – and it looks like there’s going to be a lot of demand for people to do these conversions for some time yet…so…do you want to eat or do you want to have scruples? 

55 Murdo

[brightening up]   You’re not wrong Yvy. It’s an idea. In fact you could be absolutely right. I’ll get on to Northern Gas right away. [Turning to the workmen] What are your names again boys - Jack, Bob is it? – Any chance you could put in a word, give me a decent reference?

SCENE THREE

Location – Pavement outside shop doorway.  It is raining. FX rainfall

Murdo - unshaven, dirty clothes, sitting cross-legged on pavement, paper coffee cup in front of him alongside a piece of cardboard with ‘Hungry and homeless’ scrawled on it.

Yvette - striding along the pavement holding an umbrella, suddenly stops, aghast, stands over him, staring down at him. FX footsteps coming to sudden halt

Time – One month later – 9am Monday

1 Yvette

My God, is that you Murdo?

2 Murdo

Ah, Yvy, yes, I’m afraid so. You never think it could happen to you, do you?  Then you fill in all the stuff to apply for Universal Credit and it takes forever.  You fall through the bloody trapdoor before you even realize it’s there. Penniless. On the street.

3 Yvette

You could have been fixing gas meters.

4 Murdo

Couldn’t bring myself to do it in the end.  Heart-breaking.  There again, they only hire and pay wages to people with a fixed address.  Bit of a catch-22 there, the old ‘no fixed abode’.  Couldn’t even get a job pouring coffee – mentioned body odour, wrong image for customers.  You know Yvy, they always said money is the main reason couples argue and break up, but I didn’t properly understand…  I know you chose the role of paying the rent but, well, I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously, react so badly to my new-found, er, impecuniousness… poverty…   I had nowhere to go. Are you still living there?

5 Yvette

I managed to get back in touch with Guy. He spoke to Sophie. She’s letting me stay in the flat rent-free for a couple of months until I find some flat-sharers.  Couple of people in the boutique are interested – shop takings are down – staff salaries not keeping up with inflation – employees rents still shooting up - lots of people  looking for cheaper places to live.

6 Murdo

James, by any chance?

7 Yvette

Well yes, he’s expressed a strong interest. With the rent going up and pay in the boutique not moving Sophie says I’d be better off working for her – property management assistant.

8 Murdo

[aside, under his breath] bloody rent collector putting the squeeze on. - Spare some change Yvy?  I can barely afford to eat – prices getting ludicrous. Citizens Advice gave me a voucher for the food bank but I’m soaked through Yvy, hoping to get enough for a hostel bed tonight.

9 Yvette

[dropping some coins into Murdo’s cup as she turns away] I’ve got to get to work.  Money’s a bit tight.  Cost of food’s high for everyone.  My present post may not pay too well Murdo, but look at you, things could be worse.  Maybe I’ll see you around.

10 Murdo

Maybe. Goodbye Yvy.  Hope James is good for you. [aside, peering into the paper cup] No need to despair old son, looks about enough there for a couple of cans – funny, working in a brewery I always fancied wine - but if special brew can blank me out of this for a while… help me forget the state of the world….well, oblivion beckons.

[littlemissidontcare]

Please. Margo comes from money and spent more time on vacation than she did working when she dated Seb. Just because she’s an immigrant doesn’t mean she is poor and has a work ethic. People forget she did CA multiple times. Posted herself wearing Native America headdress in IG and laughed at people who called her out for it /// Well, first of all, it was a pic of her in a headdress, which is bad, but it was literally just her wearing it, no party, no full face paint, no offensive captions full of slurs. It’s still CA and still bad but just never on the level of Alejandra. I legit don’t remember her laughing at people or even people calling her out for it. They did however called her out for wearing a fur hat, which she was adamant to keep. And what you say did CA multiple times? When was that? Native headdress is one. That’s it. Her work ethic... yep, she wasn’t anywhere near the level of the workaholic Seb, despite that however she worked a lot. First of all, during her rs with Seb (in a span of 2 years), she did multiple acting workshops, which your precious AW is so above, she filmed 2 tv shows, at least 4 movies 2 of which ended up at Sundance. Already more than AW did in the last 2 years. She filmed 2 shorts for which she got some awards as the best actress and filmed a music video for a suicide awareness. Did AW ever do that? Did AW ever get any awards for her acting? Genuinely asking btw. Anyway, Margo ended up getting her role in The Deuce while still with Seb and he helped her film her audition tape after which she immediately cut their trip to London short to go back to in person audition. Just a few months after their breakup, she did an off broadway performance, ended up getting another longer off broadway play, filmed another movie, got some festival notices, got a part in a charity HBO monologue project, got her own TV show on Netflix in which she was THE LEAD in and the shoot was almost 6 months long, got another co-lead in a mini-series, filmed that, had 2 photoshoots, had multiple auditions, went back to London and did the promo for the mini series and now got 2 roles in 2 big franchises, one of which she’s currently filming in England. That to me sounds like WAY more than what AW did in the past year or 5. Margo’s vacations weren’t even so slumped together the way it always is with Alejandra who works for 3 days and then immediately goes to spa and vacations. I can recall just 2 proper vacations she’s had while in a rs with Seb (Mexico and Italy for his bday) all of which happened in 2014 and 2015. She started going on vacations more after their break up. I remember the issue with her being not working as much as he was, not even going some place. She was also actively involved in the charity in which SHE did something rather than asking people to do something. She read to the elderly every other month and visited children charities and actually spent time with them teaching them acting and dancing stuff. When was the last time AW did something like that? Oh yeah, she was at the donation location of Pine’s supported charity in 2020. Good for her. I’d ask whether she’d be there without him but I think we all know the answer.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[amtopmthoughts]

JOURNALING

So I'm trying to do this journaling thing

January 1st

First day of 2021. Stayed at home.

Good things

Watched cats, which I've been wanting to do for a while, but didn't really like it

Started to watch a movie I wanted to watch

Ate food and it felt good

Managed to stay away from social media a little more

My birthday's coming

Started doing this

Bad things

Felt like people don't really like me. Again.

Fought with my mom. Again.

Felt anxiety. Again.

January 5th

See, I told you I was bad at this… To be fair my days are pretty much the same everyday. I get up, try to remember to drink water first thing in the morning, I eat breakfast, try to be proactive and NOT eat while on the couch watching Netflix and staying there being lazy and procrastinating for hours - ignoring the things I have to do and then ending up being late and getting behind in all the things I have to do for the day - or at least, if I do, I can gather the courage to get up right away and get on with my day.

I’ll brush my teeth and wash my face and moisturize. Then I’ll make my bed - and sometimes my mom’s too - and make house chores like tidying up and sweeping the floor - things like that.

After that, now that my winter break is over and I’m back to classes, it’s almost time for my first of the two classes of the day and that’s what I do. I’ll make something to eat, eat leftovers or order something from uber eats to lunch, which is what happens most often - need to get better at that. Then, after I’m done with classes, I usually go to the couch and watch Netflix while being on my phone or computer (sometimes both) - I also need to get better at that. Then I eat dinner, if I do and brush my teeth and wash my face and moisturize again. and usually go to my bedroom and continue to be on Netflix or whatever it is that I’m in the mood to do - it can be reading glee fanfics, watching interviews, writing, listening to music - basically it’s everything EXCEPT doing school work.

Good things

I’m getting better at waking up earlier. I never wake up too late, but I know I should and I want to wake up earlier - the ideal is between 8:30 and 9, 8:30 would be awesome.

The thing is I’ve been having some trouble with falling asleep. I never had much trouble sleeping except for a few nights over the years - I consider myself pretty luck in that department - I don’t really have bad nights where I can’t sleep and struggle to fall asleep like insomnia and what not. But lately it’s taken me awhile to be able to fall asleep. I’ll be ready to sleep at like 10 or 11 and only fall a sleep at like 1 or 2 in the morning, if not 3. But I think it’s getting better, I still don’t feel like I fall asleep as easily or as fast as I usually did but it’s not taking so long as two weeks ago.

Besides that, I usually “struggle” with only sleeping 8 hours. I feel like I feel better rested if I have slept 5 or 6 hours than if I have slept only 8. Like 8-80. Overall I feel like I have to sleep 10 hours but I know that’s just habit and laziness combined.

But 2021 is the year for TRYING so we’re doing exactly that: trying. We’re trying to be better. So we’re trying to sleep only 8 hours because that’s really all we need and that’s 2 hours I can use for something more useful than sleeping.

I know I have moments of weakness. I’m not very disciplined, that’s one of the worst traits about me - if not the worst. 

At night, before I fall asleep, I think about everything I’m going to do the next day and in the next day I wake up with no will to actually do them. I put my alarm clock to 9:30 and then wake up and be like “NOOOO I want to sleep longer” and give in to myself and put on snooze for another hour more.

So, to avoid this, I resorted to some “drastic” measures: I put my phone as further away as possible from me so I can’t reach it without having to get up. That way, I’m forced to get up to actually turn the alarm off. Last night I put my alarm to 8:30 and went to sleep at 00:11 and in the morning, when I woke up, I really didn’t feel like getting up yet so I was fair to myself and decided to sleep an extra hour. I decided to go easier on myself - baby steps. I’ll get there. Honestly I’m proud just taking these steps and getting up even an hour earlier than I usually do. My plan is to sleep 9 hours for like a month to get used to not sleeping 10 and then move on to 8 hours, so it can be an easier adjustment for me. I really have no rush. That’s an issue I struggle with a lot. Rushing. I have no patience, specially when it comes to myself. I always want things too fast and don’t always remember that things take time, there’s always a process involved.

Today I did another great thing. I worked out. It wasn’t much, though, but I did, I actually did it. I first did a 20 minutes pilates workout which left my upper abs sore - yay for that - and then a broadway dance workout because I think maybe it will be easier for me to do it if it’s something I enjoy. When I finished the pilates workout - Claudia Sulewski’s video on youtube - she sat on the floor for a little unwinding and reflection time. She said it’s time to be grateful, for having took that time for ourselves and to do something that felt good. I cried. I instantly cried. I hadn’t worked out since may probably and I REALLY struggled with getting back at it. I’ve been struggling with my weight for the past two years but this past year was specially hard for me. I started working out while in quarantine back in march, because I was feeling good about myself and felt motivated. There was this couple on instagram who did daily 16 minutes working and I felt pressured - in a good way - to join them, so I did. Soon I added other workouts to the one I was already doing and started working out approximately an hour a day. This was also the time I found out I had been cheated by my boyfriend - a whole other story - and at first the anger I felt turned into a boost for my workouts. I felt empowered, I felt that girl power, you know? I felt like the bomb body I was going to get was the best revenge I was going to get on him, just working on myself and bettering myself. But it didn’t last long. The anger soon turned into sadness as what it happened started to actually sink in. It was like at first I wasn’t even acknowledging what had happened and as I soon as I let myself fell the things that the situation made me feel, I broke down. I suddenly began to feel self conscious and insecure, like what he had done was somehow a reflection of who I was as a person, as a girlfriend. I think we all feel like shit when we get cheated on but this was different. I didn’t feel like it was my fault - at first, at least - but I thought to myself “he doesn’t love me after all, he never loved me, I trusted him, how could I have been so naive” like that had so much more to do with ME than with him. A long time after that I read an interview on a magazine where a woman talked about getting cheated on and she said “when someone cheats on you it’s never YOUR problem, it’s always THEIR problem, it’s some issue they have they still have to work on” and that resonated with me. I think she was right. But I don’t totally believe I had nothing to do it - but more of that on another time. Bottom line is, as soon as I started to feel like shit about this I stopped working out. The thing with me is, feeling depressed or sad doesn’t motivate me as I believe to be the case with many other people. The days I feel most sad are the days I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING. I don’t have the energy to lift a finger, I just wallow and lay on my couch feeling miserable eating shit and watching tv without paying any attention to it because I just feel so anxious and disconnected with everything. When I have days like these, sometimes I can’t even choose a movie or a tv show or to watch or what songs to listen to. I never quite figured out why this is but I guess it has something to do with me just not wanting to do anything at all.

So, I stopped working out and ate more and more junk food. I felt like that was somehow comforting me. Like I was allowing myself to eat and to indulge made me feel like I accepted myself. Then I started to gain even more weight and started to dislike more and more the reflexion I saw in the mirror, I was feeling worse and worse about myself. More and more insecure, more and more self conscious. Then, I wanted to get back at it, I knew I had to and that I needed to but I couldn’t. I always made excuses for not doing it and I think that’s another sign of how bad my mental state was. Like when you self sabotage yourself and you’re unable to do things for yourself and to help yourself. I don’t know, I mean, I’m no expert.

But today I did workout - because today I felt better. I have been feeling better. So that’s why I cried. i just felt so emotional, I finally managed to do it. It might not seem like much, but its huge for me, believe me. And im extremely appreciative and thankful for that - to myself and to life. For breathing and being able to make decisions that help me better myself.

January 6th 

I worked out today again. SECOND day in a row. It was hard, I couldn’t follow through in some exercises but cut me some slack, please, im trying. My abs are sore and my thighs are too and I guess thats a good sign. Today was a productive day. I’m thankful for today. Getting back at it again.