#and then i think i will just give it to someone random

[pomrania]

I got Kingdom Hearts. My knowledge of it is limited to a) osmosis and b) this one fic I'd read which is from the perspective of some antagonists who aren't very popular among the fandom. BUT one of the things I know about Kingdom Hearts is that it's nigh-impossible to explain (or UNDERSTAND) its plotline, and apparently there's important plot beats in games which practically nobody has played and might not even be accessible any more.

Thus, this is a test of my ability to bullshit. Can I make up something plausible enough quickly enough that I don't get suspected? Because my only chance of success here is to claim that I'm explaining the Complicated Stuff, where the other person is likely to buy it (or at least not believe that it's incorrect) even if they're already a KH fan.

In my favour, there's the fact that I naturally speak quickly and jump between topics seemingly at random, so it's NORMAL for people to not be able to follow what I'm saying. So that wouldn't tip someone off if they already know me, AND it'll make it easier to hide any lapses or slips. In my... whatever's the opposite of "favour" in this context, there's the fact that I barely know the relevant vocabulary, and "whatsit" and "thinger" can only go so far before people start to suspect that you don't actually know the word at all, which is a problem when it's like, basic enemy types, or major story beats. And also I'm just plain not good at improv, I tend to either break off and stare off into space, or burst into giggles.

If you give me a few minutes to prepare (which I'd do by skimming the TV Tropes page), I'm like 80% that I could leave a casual KH fan (or someone who's really into just the gameplay aspect of it) thinking that I suck as a conversational partner, but not realize that I know frick-all about KH. If the other person's sole knowledge of Kingdom Hearts is that it's "a game, and I think Mickey is there", I could seem like an expert, no doubt about it, wouldn't even need to prepare (worst case scenario, I start describing something from that fic I'd read, but it's not like they know enough about Kingdom Hearts to say that that's NOT what happened in canon). If the other person has roughly the same level of knowledge as me, and I'm not allowed to prepare, the second-greatest risk (the FIRST-greatest is my aforementioned problems with improv) is if they ask me something because they're not sure about it, and my bullshitted answer happens to contradict one of the things they DO actually know from osmosis.

First off, spin this wheel.

You just landed on one of 200 fandoms that have been very popular somewhere on Tumblr over the years. Topics were chosen either from appearing on a @fandom end-of-year recap or from my own long (long, long) site memories before that.

also all of these fandoms are definitely things that really exist in the real world and none of them are Tumblr creations

[euphoria-looney]

Credits to the idea:

Batfam X Neglected Reader ( Squid Games)

The Winner Takes It All by ABBA

When do humans get so desperate they give up their own lives for that small chance of money?

Money is a category in your history class dedicated to why money is the basis of your life. Economy.

I first witnessed someone leave everything had for money, my mother. When I was 5, I didn't know why my mother was leaving the manor with a huge suitcase, filled with cash.

My mother engaged to Bruce Wayne who only allowed her in as they procreated me. In her words, both sides should take responsibility, it takes two to tango, and why should she be the only one to deal with the consequences.

Which now is very hypocritical as she ran away taking everything but me.

I didn't want sympathy, but I didn't want to be treated like dirt for a mistake I didn't make.

For the next 13 years of my life, I tried to stay on the down low, no matter how many dirty looks, and the insults, not even when Damian would hurt me.

I just hoped they wouldn't mind if I stayed with them a little longer until I could find a stable way to leave.

That hope burst when Alfred came to my room and told me “Master Bruce has decided to kick you out and disown you, I'm so sorry, [name].”

I tried to somehow make it, promising myself, it was going to be okay.

I got into college, and the debt collected from that was massive, so I had to go get loans at the bank, and then get into a part-time job, but every day seemed like we were always getting robbed. My manager had no choice but to let me go.

“I'm sorry, sugar, but we aren't pulling in enough customers and I can't afford to keep too many employees, there's no easy way to say this but, you have to quit. I don't want to fire you, it'd look bad for any job you'd apply for next.”

I held onto her hand like a lifeline I begged and pleaded with no avail.

I tucked my tail in and went to the Wayne manor.

"Um, It's [name], could I... um..." I swallowed my words, afraid to say them, I mean, this was humiliating, 13 years since I'd seen them and the first thing I asked for was cash? "... borrow some money."

No surprise I was rejected, but that didn't hurt me it was the comments, how I was so much like my mother.

I waddled to the train station, if I was lucky, the train wouldn't be hijack or filled with gas tonight.

"Hey, you want to earn some money?" A guy next to me.

"No, thank you."

"10,000 dollars. Just a child's game"

I lifted my head to stare at him. I couldn't see his face, hidden behind a mask.

"It's a Korean game, visited it a few days ago, so would you mind playing it with me?" He gave an authoritative vibe, it made me want to back away, his aura was sinister.

I had already hit rock bottom, what could be lower? I hesitantly nodded my head.

I don't know how many times I lost, but I finally did it!

Handing me the cash and then handing me this weird card.

"If you ever need more, contact us." with that he walked away.

Third POV

“B, are you sure this is the right spot?”

‘Positive. Are you sure you want to join on this mission, Dick.”

Despite what anyone might think Batman, otherwise known as Bruce Wayne cares and loves his kids.

Changing into suits and golden animal masks, they went to the VIP room, make some bets on random numbers.

Oracle was doing the background work, hacking into everything, it wasn't like the movies and the stress was on.

The court of Owls was not just one villain working but a cult that was not only wealthy but influential, with their own members, called Talons who were armed and ready.

On the screen 456 players appeared.

“Today, we have prepared the game red light, green light. A child game.” The frontman introduced the V.I.P’s at the start of the first round.

[name]’s POV:

Waking up, the clothes I was originally wearing changed into the tracksuit outfit with a number on it.

A person caught my eye, it’s Astro! From the law department, I couldn’t help but approach him.

“What are you doing here?” Word got around that he was an academic genius, and many had hope for his bright future.

I could only remember how fond his mother was when talking about him, I thought I saw her the other day working.

“Oh, [name]. It’s been a while hasn’t it? What are you doing here?” He dodged the question.

“I… couldn’t afford college and took out a loan, eventually I got a lot of debt.” Our conversation got cut short as we headed to this random room.

Going to this machine it said ‘smile’

I gave a gummy like smile before making my way to the field

Playing red light, green light.

After explaining the rules everyone started running, nothing was wrong until a person got spotted moving during the red light, poor guy, going home penniless after making it here-

Spat

Oh.

There’s blood on my shoes.

It was like a stampede of people running to the door, stacking on top of each other. I was frozen out of fear.

Wha-

What do I do?

I’m afraid.

Someone tell me, what do I do?!

Before I knew it, I made it to the end.

Third POV:

Thankfully no one found the bat family suspicious or they would’ve noticed how they tensed up seeing as their daughter/sibling had the first contestant’s blood splattered not only on her shoes but also on her clothes.

A break had ensued as the game was over and everyone made their way to their individual rooms.

“What are they doing there?!”

“Should we stop it now?!”

“How?!”

“Quiet down!” Bruce had stopped the panic, but in reality he, himself didn’t know what to do either.

[name]’s POV:

Going back to the room, I felt like a doll and everyone sat on the floor.

The sickening feeling of seeing the gold lighting illuminating the clear pig, with money dropping down into it.

I could feel my stomach drop just thinking about it.

I didn't know what was happening until Astro got up and rebutted the guards.

“Clause three, The games may be terminated upon a majority vote, right?”

Thankfully, ending this sick and twisted game.

That didn’t last long though as a day had passed and I was back in this building. I think everyone who left was.

I talked to new people, especially this one old man who reminded me of Alfred.

“I could say the same to you. You’re young, and your debt is lower than most people here, so why continue risking your life for this money?” I shook my head, my face holding a sad smile.

“No matter how hard I try I just keep gaining then losing debt. But it’s different for you sir. Doesn’t the government give insurance and medicare for the elderly?” I held his hands in mine.

“The government isn’t as nice as you think, corrupt up in their high-paying jobs, but still greedy for more.”

As the games ensued I could feel myself deteriorate.

Third POV

Gripping onto the couch arms, and bouncing off one's feet could symbolize when someone is... anxious.

Or it could be showing anticipation.

So let's pretend that's what Bruce Wayne is feeling right now.

And if we asked his opinion on number ###, [name] [lastname]...

Most people would think, "Yes, he must be anticipating her death, how the blood would splatter, whether it be from losing a game or betrayal from another contestant." That's what most people would think of that entire family.

How could you not?

They shamed her, bullied her, and scorned her away from their home.

Wouldn't even provide financial aid much less.

Isn't that why she's here in the first place?

It was like they wanted her to grovel and die, die a death that would have no meaning, not even to this unforgiving world.

However, you'd be shocked that's not correct.

Anxiety is a scary thing it makes you make rash decisions. Good or bad.

It was nothing new to these vigilantes.

But oh. seeing her tired eyes, sweat dripping down everywhere, from her head to her legs. Her trembling form.

If you didn't know the context you'd already think she was a corpse.

No! That's wouldn't couldn't be true.

They couldn't allow it to be, she was going to be safe.

She had to be.

She was forgotten, but now, everyone's eyes were on her.

Anxiety is a scary thing, and with the current event, situation, there was nothing they could do but hope for the best, bounce their legs, and grip the couch.

-

It’s time for the next game.

“For this game we’ll be playing the marble game.”

—

There will be 2 endings choose which one. (I'll be making both.)

-> Thank you… for playing with me.

-> Astro!

Also, I love the idea and from fic from both @jellyfishmoon97 and @not-weirdoshrek

@holysoulsweets @sh4rk-k1d @sillysealsies @loomspuddle @cantfindmelol @alwaysholymilkshake @leitor-sonolento (I think these are all the ones that wanted to get tagged idk though 😍)

[harrywavycurly]

The Almost Bumble Fumble: A Harry Styles One Shot

CW: None

Tag List: @georgiarose94

A/N: This is just some fun fluffy goodness that popped into my head the other day! I have a part 2 in mind if y’all want it? Enjoy!

Summary: Harry Styles shows up on your dating app and you’re convinced it’s not really him✨

Harry only has one reason why he finally caved and downloaded the bright yellow dating app, he likes the fact he can’t be the one to message anyone he matches with first. It takes some of the pressure off of him because it’s hard to think of an opening line that is catchy and engaging enough to actually make the other person respond, and while he may be a talented songwriter he is absolutely horrible at trying to be witty and flirty through a screen and over texts. So not having to worry about reaching out first allows him to just sit and wait to see if anyone is actually interested enough in him to send him a message and so far, much to his disappointment and only a slight blow to his ego he hasn’t gotten more than a few random hellos.

Even though he hasn’t gotten the kind of response he thought he would since he downloaded the app just a few days ago, he still finds himself checking it a few times a day and that’s exactly what he’s doing now as he gets comfortable on his couch with a glass of wine in his hand. He scrolls through a few profiles and doesn’t swipe right or hit the heart button on any of them until he lands on one that seems interesting. Your profile picture is of you grinning as you stare at a piece of what he thinks is cake that’s on a plate in front of you that has a candle in it, there’s a little caption under it that says “if you can make me smile the way this cake did, you’re a keeper” and he chuckles to himself as he continues further down your profile. The most important thing he likes to look at on people’s profile is what they’re looking for on the app, because Harry knows he’s ready for a relationship and he isn’t trying to have his time wasted nor waste anyone else’s if he knows they aren’t looking for the same thing in the end.

He feels a smile tug at the corners of his mouth when he sees your response to that prompt if the exact same as his, looking for something long term. Harry takes a sip of his wine as he looks through the photos you posted on your profile, enjoying the tiny look at what you do for fun since you have a few photos at concerts and other events such as the classic group photo during a girls night out but the one that sticks with Harry the most is of you sitting on a couch with a glass of wine and a book in your hand that someone took while you weren’t looking or at least that’s how it appears. When he reaches the end of your profile he doesn’t give himself a moment to overthink it he simply swipes right and continues on his scroll through the app trying not to get too anxious as he waits to see if you’ll match with him and find him interesting enough to message.

After a few more minutes of scrolling he lets out a sigh before he takes a rather large sip of wine, just when he’s ready to call it a night and leave the silly little dating app he sees that he has a new message. He quirks an eyebrow as he goes to his messages and he can’t help the grin that takes over his face when he sees it’s from you, meaning you have to be online now since he just swiped on you not even ten minutes ago and you’ve already sent him a message.

Now what Harry isn’t prepared for is what your message says, having only gotten the different variations of Hello so far as opening lines so when he opens your message the laugh that escapes him is genuine and he feels as if you just sent him a one liner you’d possibly use on him if you saw him at a bar and wanted to start a conversation with him. He reads the message again and shakes his head as he chuckles to himself while also feeling a bit of an inflation to his ego because your opening line is tailored to him, it’s something that you wouldn’t be able to use on just anyone. Because even if they were an obvious One Direction fan it would be very risky because they might not know the lyrics to the song and be extremely confused.

“If the room was burning, would you really not notice?”

He finds himself instantly replying and when he hits send he suddenly starts to get nervous that maybe he should’ve waited a bit to reply so he doesn’t seem too eager and possibly scare you off before he can even really get to know you. But it’s too late now, so he just sips his wine and stares at the small screen in his hand.

“Honestly I don’t think I would. My mind would be too preoccupied by someone and their ability to tell little fibs.”

When he sees a new message appear beneath his he lets out a small sigh of relief because already this is the longest conversation he’s had on this app so far.

“Right well thank goodness you’re fireproof.”

He quickly replies to you and waits with a new feeling of excitement brewing in his tummy to see what you’re going to say next. But he can’t help but wonder how long you can keep this up, he will happily play along because he doesn’t want to be the one to change the subject and possibly ruin the mood.

“Exactly. I’m also very good at finding my way through dark places as well.”

Luckily for him he doesn’t have to wait very long and your response has him laughing and he’s grateful that he lives alone so no one can walk into his living room and ask him what he’s laughing at while cuddled up in the corner of his couch.

“Oh does that mean you’re not scared of the dark? Because if you are that’s okay I won’t let anything get to you and drag you down.”

He is typing out his reply and hitting send before he can even fully lean over and put his empty wine glass down on the table.

“That’s lovely of you to say but no I’m not scared of the dark. Not even a little bit. The only thing I get a little unsettled about is how quickly the night can change.”

As Harry waits to see what you’ll say he can’t stop his mind from wondering if there’s a possibility you’re doing something similar right now, sitting comfortably on your couch or maybe in bed smiling and laughing at your phone like an idiot. Because surely it can’t just be him that’s enjoying how easy the conversation is flowing, regardless of how silly it may be.

You read the latest message from this “Harry” person and laugh at how he goes about avoiding the exact lyrics of the song night changes, you quickly type out a reply so you don’t have to keep him waiting for too long.

“It does change fast doesn’t it? I’ve always thought it was a bit rude how everything you’re dreaming about is just is gone in the morning.”

After hitting send you reach over to your nightstand and grab your glass of wine and take a sip as you go back to visit his profile. You narrow your eyes as you bring the screen a little closer to your face as you scroll down to the few photos he’s chosen, most of which are also on his Instagram so you don’t let the thought that you’re talking to the actual Harry Styles cross your mind. Especially since a lot of the information needed to make a profile on the dating app the two of you are currently messaging on is very accessible, it’s just a simple scroll through Google. The only thing that makes you quirk a brow is one photo he has at the very end of his profile, it’s a photo of him sitting at a table with a smile on his face while holding a glass of wine and it’s one you’ve never seen before but that also doesn’t mean anything because there’s tons of photos and videos of Harry you haven’t seen.

When you saw you matched with him you couldn’t stop yourself from instantly messaging him, because even though you know it’s just someone using Harry’s photos to get attention you figure you might as well have some harmless fun. You know eventually you’ll decide to move on and maybe report his account depending on how weird he gets. You’re brought back to the moment when you see you have a new message, you take another sip of your wine as you read what he wrote.

“It’s very rude but there is something that even the night can’t change. Do you know what that is?”

You bite down on your bottom lip as you read the message and you get an odd feeling this person might be trying to flirt with you because the next line of the song he’s talking about is a rather romantic one, but then again you can’t really be sure. You take this moment to test the waters a bit as you type out your reply and hit send before you can second guess yourself and delete it.

“It’s you and I right? Because nothing can separate us?”

You know you’re going to have to casually change the subject soon but you can’t help but want to see just how long the two of you can keep indirectly quoting One Direction songs in a way that has ended up with the two of you in a rather pointless conversation. You feel your cheeks get warm when you read his reply, of course this Harry impersonator would send you lyrics to Stockholm Syndrome.

“Precisely. It’s safe to say you’ve got me tied down.”

You finish off your wine and place the empty glass on your nightstand before figuring out how exactly you want to reply. There’s a few ways you could go about this, but instead of going the obvious flirty route you choose to go for the comedic approach instead because that’s more of who you are anyway.

“I mean I can’t have you trying to escape the city and follow the sun now can I? Because that would just break my heart and I don’t even know where I’d go if that happened.”

You giggle to yourself as you scroll to the top of your messages and reread them, well aware that if anyone were to read them they’d be extremely confused. You also have to admit that this person is very well educated on their One Direction lyrics and you’re a bit impressed. When you get to the bottom you see “Harry” has replied and what he says makes you lean your head back and laugh as you drop your phone into your lap as you try to get yourself under control.

“I’d never try to escape because if your heart is broken and you’re just wondering around that makes me worry people will try to steal you away from me and I can’t have that. Not to mention I also have no clue where’d you go with a broken heart and I’m honestly so shit with directions so I’d be left with no choice but to walk around shouting your name.”

After a few moments you quickly type out a response and double tap his last message letting a red heart appear next to it so he knows you really enjoyed that creative use of lyrics from two songs.

“Walking around shouting my name? Absolutely not. Don’t embarrass me.”

Harry doesn’t even bother trying to hide his amusement at your message, enjoying how you managed to give him an easy way to go along with your subtle change of conversation since he notices a very obvious lack of song lyrics in your reply. And Harry being the romantic that he is finds this a great opportunity to ask something, and your answer will be one he might possibly tuck away in his mind to remember at a later date.

“Not one for big declarations of love then?”

As he waits for your reply Harry takes a moment to process the fact that even though the two of you haven’t even really had a true conversation he already can tell by your sense of humor that he’s going to enjoy getting to know you more, if you let him that is. When he sees your response he laughs and runs a hand through his hair with his hand that’s not holding his phone.

“I’ve never had anyone do a big declaration of love for me before so I’m not sure how I feel about them. What about you? Do you need a Jumbotron proposal during a sporting event or a billboard dedicated to how much I love your hands?”

Harry looks at his free hand and wonders if you’re being serious about loving his hands or if that’s just an example you picked to show him what you would be willing to write on a billboard about him. As he types out his reply his mind begins to think of things that could be considered big declarations of love or feelings that maybe you’d like, because even though he doesn’t know you he figures having some ideas on the back burner can’t hurt and who doesn’t like coming home to an outrageous amount of flowers or a maybe even having the radio play nothing but your favorite songs for a whole day.

“I am open to all types of declarations of love. Big, small, handwritten or painted on a billboard. I’m not picky.”

Now only part of that statement is a lie, Harry truly does enjoy any type of declaration of love that his significant other is willing to give him but he is a tiny bit picky. But that’s something to discuss at a later date, because it doesn’t really have anything to do with what the two of you are discussing now, he’s picky about other things but not how someone is willing to tell him their feelings about him. As Harry is getting up and grabbing his empty wine glass off his coffee table and heading into the kitchen he gets an odd notification at the bottom of the message thread between the two of you.

*accept video chat*

But before he can even hit accept or decline the message is gone and he sees you’ve typed out a quick little explanation.

“Oh god I’m sorry! Finger slipped and hit the video chat button! Sorry!”

He quirks a brow as he scrolls to the top of the messages and sees what looks like a FaceTime icon near the corner. Having not noticed it before he becomes curious and maybe it’s the wine or maybe it’s just that he’s interested in you and thinks this is a smart way to “meet” for the first time to get a better feeling of if the two of you actually can hold a conversation or not but either way Harry is typing out a quick message and hitting send before entering his kitchen.

“It’s okay. I didn’t know it was an option, I’m fine with a video chat if you are?”

You stare at his message for a solid thirty seconds before you even blink, not knowing why on earth this person would want to video chat with you when you know they aren’t Harry Styles. It’s going to be awkward and embarrassing, for them of course not for you because you already know you haven’t been talking to the tall tattooed international superstar but maybe this is for the best so you can tell whoever it is how impressed with their One Direction song lyric knowledge you are. And maybe, just maybe you’ll still find whoever it is attractive and it won’t be a total bummer of a Friday night. So against your better judgement you send him a simple response before you climb out of bed and head for the kitchen to refill your wine.

“Sure!”

You catch your reflection in the door of your microwave and instantly place your phone on the counter next to your fridge so you can adjust the monstrosity that is your messy bun. Once that’s as good as it’s going to get you look down at your faded band t shirt and decide that it’s good enough for whoever it is that’s about to video chat you, it’s after nine at night on a Friday after all so in your mind them seeing you like this is just preparing them for what they can expect in the future. As you’re reaching for your bottle of wine you see a new notification appear on your screen and you feel nervous as you pick your phone up.

*Accept video chat from Harry Styles*

You hit accept and the screen goes black before suddenly you’re looking at someone’s ceiling and you squint your eyes and bring the phone closer to your face as what appears to be half a forearm comes into view.

“Sorry love it seems I’ve dropped you.” You feel your heart begin to beat so fast you’re afraid it’s going to explode as a British accent comes from the phone, you swear it sounds exactly like Harry’s but you simply shake your head at that idea because there’s no way he’s on the other end of this call.

“Oh wow you sound just like-”

“I sound just like who?” Harry asks as he finally comes into view after he picks the phone up from where he accidentally dropped it on his counter while trying to open his wine bottle one handed. Your eyes go a bit wide as you move your phone away from your face, you feel your cheeks get hot and out of pure panic you place your phone against your wine bottle and put both hands over your face making Harry raise an eyebrow at you.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re Harry Styles.” You mumble into your hands but Harry hears you just fine making him chuckle as he pours some wine into his glass. “You weren’t supposed to actually be Harry Styles.” You explain as you spread your fingers allowing you to get a small look at Harry through the gaps, it’s almost unfair how much better he looks while taking up your phone screen than he does in his photos.

“Who was I supposed to be?” He questions as he grabs his phone and his wine glass and heads back into his living room.

“Some weirdo just acting like you to get attention on a dating app.” Harry doesn’t quite like that answer, he doesn’t like the idea of someone pretending to be him just to get attention and possibly hurt people in the process.

“Do people really do that? Pretend to be me on things like this?” You just shrug as you slowly lower your hands from your face and Harry is glad he’s already sitting down because even with your pink cheeks and distraught look in your still slightly wide eyes he can’t get over how pretty you are.

“I’m not sure? You’re actually the first Harry Styles I’ve ever come across but I mean I just-I didn’t think it was really you.” You admit with a laugh as you reach and grab your phone so you can get to your wine bottle, deciding you now more than ever need to refill your glass.

“Are you disappointed it’s really me and not some random weirdo?” He watches you raise an eyebrow and make a humming noise as if you really have to think about it before answering him.

“Honestly I’m relieved it’s actually you because if it wasn’t then I would’ve had to tell a random person how impressed I was with their One Direction knowledge.” You answer after you fill your glass up with wine, Harry chuckles as you make a face of disgust at the mention of telling someone you were impressed with them. “But since it’s you-”

“Oh are you saying you’re not impressed with my One Direction knowledge?” He says in mock offense as he watches you walk through what he can only assume is your kitchen based on the oven he sees in the background.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” You answer without any hesitation and Harry’s face breaks out into a wide grin because the look you give him is one that tells him he should’ve known that was going to be your answer.

“Well I’m quite impressed with your knowledge and your opening message was-”

“Oh god.” You say with a groan as you head into the living room, your cheeks turn a light shade of pink as you take a seat on your couch making Harry give you a soft smile to try to help ease your clear embarrassment of what you sent him because he thought it was great.

“Don’t feel embarrassed love.” He quietly clears his throat and takes a sip of his wine after the petname accidentally slips out of his mouth. “I thought it was brilliant that’s why I responded and kept it going.” He explains making you smile and it’s not until this very moment do the two of you really sit and look each other in the eyes and Harry feels his own cheeks get a little warm as you stare at him through the phone.

“You’re really pretty.” Harry laughs and runs a hand through his hair as you blink a few times and realize what you just said out loud.

“You’re really pretty as well.” He says with only a small hint of nervousness evident in his voice because he doesn’t want to come across overly flirty but he also doesn’t see the harm in telling you the truth, you are very pretty.

“Thank you.” You smile and get comfortable on your couch. “I guess it’s good to get all this embarrassing and awkwardness out of the way now right?” Harry just nods and smiles at your choice of words, giving him some hope that you’ll want to maybe do this again or possibly meet up in person if you feel comfortable enough.

“Exactly.” Is all he says with a grin making you return his smile as you sink into your couch and toss a blanket over your legs to get comfortable because something tells you that you’re about to be on the phone with Harry for a while and you don’t mind. You silently thank your lucky stars that you decided to message him when you saw he matched with you because you can’t imagine the level of regret you’d feel if you somehow found out you fumbled the opportunity to talk and possibly get to know Harry just because you thought it was a fake profile.

[saymio]

Who's most likely to force reader to sleep with someone for money. Basically forcing her into prostitution.

Hwang inho

Thanos

Nam gyu

Myung gyi

Player 388

Player 246

_🎀

A/N: omg??I LOVE REQUESTS LIKE THIS I make them quickly n I have fun nyehehhehe.

contains: thanos, namgyu, inho, gyeongseok, daeho

Thanos

I see him doing this the most, does not gaf about what happens to you, doesn't even try guilt tripping you into saying yes he just tells you the two of you need more money and that you're going to sleep with guys for it one random night. you cry and plead for him to not do it for actual hours but he ignores you and basically turns into your pimp and keeps all the money you make from then on. "its for us baaabee" is all he tells you when you express concerns about what he's spending all the money on...and of course you believe your sweet boyfriend.. when your landlord personally came to your apartment door and told the two of you that you were late 4 months of rent you exploded. this was the first time you stood up for yourself, yelling at Thanos and asking why he even needed the money if it wasn't for 'us'. Thanos just found this amusing and funny. he paid the late rent and forced you to keep selling yourself off. more than before. now you're just stuck in this loop of sex work with no way out..you knew Thanos would kill you if you left..

2. Namgyu

he's similar to Thanos, but less aggressive about it and manipulates you more into it. uses your financial position as a reason to start doing it. (that he's the reason you're in) will try to sway you into it as well, "just for a weeekk you're debt will be covered and you could live the normal live you've always wanted babbyy." he'll say all this while he's hugging your back and whispering it into your ear. if that doesn't work he'll start using his position to convince you. "we need the money babe!! I'm broke, I can barely afford food. if you start doing this we'll have enough for my debts and food...don't you want me to be happy?" he'll beg and beg for weeks until you finally give in. once you do he basically does what Thanos does but only give you a small portion of the money telling you "its all we made" when it clearly wasn't.. but you believed him, your boyfriend wouldn't force you into this just so he could take the money for himself!! doesn't even use if for his debt or said food he was so lacking of. he just buys drugs and nice things, ingoring the fact he has a group of men going for his neck.. he doesn't let you stop once you say your week is over, he forced you to keep going and if you quit he'll leak all the videos he took to everyone you knew.... so you really had no choice but to keep doing this until he thinks he's had enough money.

3. Inho

i don't see him forcing you into sex work in person, but I see him forcing you to sell your nudes and sex clips online just for the fun of it. he obviously doesn't need the money to take care of you or himself he just finds it amusing how uncomfortable and upset you get from it. will take tons of photos and videos of you on his cock while you beg him to stop and that it makes you uncomfortable. he loves seeing you in pain, it turns him on like crazy. will force you to read all the comments and messages you get from your little twitter account, he doesn't understand why you're so upset!! random guys on the internet think you're hot and would fuck you any day of the week just like him. what's the problem with that? will buy you a ton of tiny lingerie and toys and lock you into a room for hours until you make a certain amount of content for your 'fans'. doesn't like to admit it but he jerks off to your photos almost every night

4. Gyeong seok

he wouldn't do it unless he REALLY needs it..like now. he wouldn't be like namgyu or thanos that takes all the money just for nice things but uses it so he can put food on the table and pay his daughters medical bills. will 100% manipulate you into it, but it'd be really subtle. "you know how nayeon is really sick right...she really needs the money.. i- im sorry for asking but would you ever like..sleep with a man for money.." acts like he'd accept no as an answer but really wouldn't, he knows this money is valuable and will do anything to have you say yes. "nayeon would be really happy if she could finally treat her cancer" "nayeon's been really hungry these days" uses his daughter as more reason why you should say yes. you're his girlfriend and you love nayeon, right? you should do this small favor for her... you end up saying yes only after a few weeks and gyeong seok doesn't make it a secret that he wants to take all the money so he can put food on the table and pay the important stuff for his and his daughters needs. he thought you'd fight back but you just accepted it, you wanted to help your boyfriend and maybe by doing this he'd finally marry you once he gets back on his feet like he tells you.. he doesn't really know how to feel about you sleeping with other men but he knows he's the reason for it so he cant complain.. 100% fucks you again when you get home so you remember who you actually belong to. it makes you feel better about everything that's happening.. wont force you to keep selling yourself off once he pays off everything he needs, will just try his best to provide for both and nayeon like he should be doing.

5. daeho

he doesnt, I KNOW! IM SORRY! I KNOW BORING, THROW TOMATOES ALL U WANT!! I just don't see him doing this like AT ALL. would rather work 6 jobs at the same time than ever force you into something like this.

A/N: I feel like this highkey sucks but oh well. noeul fic is prolly dropping today or tmr doe YAY #writersblock

TAGLIST: @pollys-doublelife @gongyoosgf

[radio-show]

I have someone like this, a friend who is genuinely the weirdest person I know and every second with him gives me the daily taste of absurdity I need. When I tell people about this absolute anomaly of a man in great detail they think I have a crush on him but genuinely he's just so weird that he occupies a portion of my mind and I have to study him under a microscope

This guy

-speaks fluent Japanese

-is allergic to regular ivy but immune to poison ivy

-is allergic to dairy and grain and like several other foods and has sensitivities to such things as eggs

-allergic to the state of Oregon in the sense he has to take benadryl to go outside and even secondhand weed smoke will send him into anaphylaxis

-a foot taller than I am but ten pounds lighter

-easily mistaken for slenderman

-likes hatsune miku and knows all the words to every song in the album duolingo put out and otherwise has the most random songs in his playlists, like songs edited off of presidential speeches. Loves bardcore

-loves physics, reads the textbooks and does the problems for fun. Once in our physics class he was so entertained by the lesson he was eating Mike and ikes while I was furiously taking notes. This man got a perfect score on the final.

-trying to double major in physics and the tuba. Currently not allowed to double major.

-once a month he spends his entire breakfast budget on Mike and Ikes

-sometimes forgets whether he is speaking in English or Japanese

-his entire family including him is some flavor of neurodivergent and really tall except for one guy who is just tall

-stupid good long term memory

-takes caring about semantics and rules to stupid levels

-ate 12.5 pounds of sweedish fish over winter break to win a competition. He won by half a pound.

-calculated the force of gravity outside one of the science buildings. It's roughly 9.8 m/s.

And like thats a small sense of what it's like to be around this guy. It's wild. Great friend.

that thing where you're attracted to someone not in a platonic or romantic or sexual way, but in an 'i want to read about their exploits' kind of way

[carnalcrows]

HOW TO STEAL A MAN (AND HIS GROCERY LIST)

pairing: gi-hun x top male reader

synopsis: When Gi-hun’s late-night cat-feeding routine attracts a stalker with a cart full of cat food and questionable social skills, chaos—and maybe romance—ensues.

content warnings: 18+, top male reader, stalking, blowjobs (reader receiving), missionary, unprotected sex, breeding, creampie, reader wants to get gi-hun pregnant asap, age gap (reader is in his 20s and gi-hun is in his 40s).

word count: 2.2k

A/N: ty anon for the request!! i had fun writing this one

Seong Gi-hun’s life wasn’t glamorous. Every evening, after whatever sorry excuse for a day he’d had, he stopped at the corner store, bought a packet of cheap cat food, and made his way to a run-down alley to feed a scruffy stray. It was the one bright spot in his life, and he looked forward to it more than he cared to admit.

What he didn’t know was that someone else looked forward to it too.

That someone was you.

You first noticed Gi-hun a few weeks ago while wandering through the neighborhood. At first, you thought he was just some random guy lingering in the alley, but then you saw him crouch down and pour food into a chipped saucer. His voice was soft as he spoke to the stray cat, coaxing it to eat.

It was... oddly endearing.

From then on, you couldn’t help yourself. You started following him—not in a creepy way (okay, maybe a little creepy)—but you were curious. Who was this man? Why did he care so much about a stray cat?

Your fascination grew, and soon, watching him feed the cat became part of your routine. But you wanted more than to just watch. You wanted to talk to him. To know him.

One evening, as you watched Gi-hun walk into the corner store, you got an idea. A foolproof, albeit slightly unhinged, plan. You hurried inside ahead of him, grabbed every single packet of cat food off the shelf, and went to pay, ignoring the cashier’s confused look.

When Gi-hun arrived at the pet aisle, you lingered near the exit, pretending to browse.

“What the…?” Gi-hun muttered, staring at the empty shelf. He rubbed the back of his neck, sighed, and turned to leave, only to almost bump into you.

You were standing there with a massive bag filled with cat food packets.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” you said, pretending to be startled.

His eyes narrowed. “You’re the reason the shelf is empty?”

“I feed a lot of strays,” you said innocently, though the amusement in your voice probably gave you away.

Gi-hun raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “You think I could buy one of those off you? There’s a stray I feed every night, and now I’m empty-handed.”

You pretended to think about it, then smiled. “I’ll give you one… if you let me come with you. I’d like to meet the cat.”

He hesitated, his lips pressing into a thin line as he considered your request. Finally, he sighed. “Fine. But don’t scare it off, okay?”

That’s how it all started.

What was supposed to be a one-time thing turned into a routine. Every evening, you’d meet Gi-hun at the corner store, walk with him to the alley, and sit on the curb while the stray cat ate. Over time, you learned bits and pieces about him: his failed marriage, his gambling problems, and most importantly, his love for his daughter, Ga-yeong.

“She’s all I have left,” he admitted one night, his voice soft.

You nodded, unsure what to say. It was clear how much he cared for her, even if he didn’t always show it in the best ways.

As weeks passed, you also got to know Ga-yeong, who was surprisingly cool for a kid. She started teasing her dad about how much time he spent with you.

“Are you two dating yet?” she asked one evening, smirking as she watched you and Gi-hun prepare dinner.

Gi-hun spluttered. “W-what? No! We’re just friends.”

“Sure, Dad,” she said, winking at you.

You laughed, enjoying how flustered he got.

One rainy evening, you were at Gi-hun’s apartment again, helping him cook dinner. The kitchen was small and cramped, but it felt cozy with the two of you working side by side.

As you chopped vegetables, you glanced at him. “You know, you’re not half bad at this.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t sound so surprised.”

“I’m just saying,” you teased. “You’re full of surprises.”

Gi-hun smiled, but when he noticed you staring, his brow furrowed. “What? Do I have sauce on my face or something?”

“Nothing,” you said, setting the knife down. “I just… I’ve been wanting to do something for a while now.”

Before he could ask what, you stepped closer, your heart racing. Gi-hun froze like a deer in headlights, his hand awkwardly holding a ladle full of stew.

“What are you—”

You cupped his face with both hands and kissed him.

At first, he didn’t move, his eyes wide with surprise. But as you pressed into him, his shoulders relaxed, and the ladle clattered to the counter. Slowly, tentatively, he kissed you back, his lips warm and soft against yours.

It started gentle, careful, like he was afraid to mess it up. But as the seconds ticked by, something shifted. He leaned into you, his hands nervously gripping your waist, pulling you closer. You smiled against his lips, enjoying how hesitant he was, even as his breathing grew heavier.

“Relax,” you murmured, your lips brushing against his. “You’re doing fine.”

“I—I don’t—” he stammered, but you cut him off with another kiss, this one deeper, more insistent.

Gi-hun let out a muffled sound of surprise, his hands fumbling as they slid up your back. His inexperience was endearing, and it only made you want to kiss him harder.

Somehow, the two of you ended up pressed against the counter, the dinner long forgotten. Gi-hun’s hair was an absolute mess from your hands running through it, and his cheeks were flushed a deep red.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he muttered breathlessly, his forehead resting against yours.

“Good,” you said with a grin, leaning in to steal another kiss.

The smell of burning stew eventually snapped the two of you out of it, but not before you got one last, lingering kiss. As Gi-hun scrambled to salvage dinner, muttering curses under his breath, you leaned against the counter, watching him with a satisfied smirk.

“I like you,” you said casually, making him freeze mid-stir.

He turned to look at you, his expression somewhere between flustered and incredulous. “You think?”

“I know,” you corrected. “And I think you like me too.”

Gi-hun sighed, his lips quirking into a small, shy smile. “Yeah... maybe I do.”

You laughed, reaching out to tug him back toward you. “Good. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

Your mouth found his once more, and you slowly lifted the man onto the countertop. He yelped in surprise, and you used the opportunity to slide your tongue, relishing in how he tasted.

His hands gripped onto your shoulders, while you held his waist, steadying him. You slowly trailed butterfly kisses from his jow to his neck, stopping at his Adam’s apple before lightly nipping on his ear lobe.

Gi-hun was still quite unsure of what he was supposed to be doing, not having engaged in such…activities for far too long.

“You do want to do this right? We can stop the moment you tell me to,” you said to him, your tone soft. After a second of pondering, he gripped your shoulders with determination, and latched his mouth right onto yours.

You took it as a sign to continue, and slowly broke away the kiss to close the stew before continuing to have your way with him.

You slowly picked him up from the countertop and carried him to the couch, revelling in how surprised you were. Carrying those giant bags of cat food was worth it.

You laid him on the couch gently, its base creaking with the sudden weight. Gi-hun hastily pushed your pants down, tugging at the strap for a few seconds before it made way. Your cock sprang out, hard and leaking.

His eyes widened, and he looked up at you. Your eyes were soft, letting him know that this didn’t have to continue if he didn’t want it to.

Before you could say anything, he licks a stripe across your length, savouring the musk emitting from the base. You let out a groan, gripping onto his hair–but not too tight; not yet.

You let him experiment with your dick, leaving small kisses along the underside, while his hand moves up to clutch your balls, heavy with your seed. He wonders to himself on how your cum would feel inside him, and the thought makes his ears burn a bright red.

“Don’t take this long darlin’, wanna please you too,” you mumble, wanting him to speed up just a little bit.

He slowly wraps his pretty lips around the tip of your cock, making you let out a garbled moan. His mouth was just so, so warm.

“Breathe through your nose baby, that’s it,”you cooed, watching him struggle to take your length all the way.

He slowly bobbed his head up and down, savouring the precum hitting the back of his throat. Your moans were getting louder and louder, to the point where you had to muffle the noises with the back of your hand. The walls of his house were quite thin.

Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes as he struggled to swallow you whole. Your grip on his hair had gotten significantly tighter, as you push his head to take you all the way. His garbled mumbles did nothing but send vibrations straight up your dick, turning you on even more.

“So good f’me baby, I’m almost done,”you groan before releasing your grip on his hair and pulling out of his warm throat, before ejaculating all over his face. 

He looked up at you in shock, his face a mixture of tears, sweat and semen. It truly was a sight to see. Your dick stood right back up.

His eyes widened, but before he could say anything, you quickly turned him around on the couch, his ass up towards you.

You pulled his pants down, along with his boxers, to reveal his tight hole, clenching around the cold air. He hissed when he suddenly felt a finger at his hole, slick with lube (where did that come from).

“This might hurt a lil’ bit,” you said before slowly pressing your finger into his hole. His back arched with the intrusion, the pain mixed with the pleasure going straight to his cock, the tip red and weeping.

You slowly added another finger, watching as his ass practically swallowed them whole as you pumped them in and out.

After adding a third finger, you deemed that he was prepped enough to be fucked. He already looked out of it, that was a different thing altogether. His shoulders were slumped and his elbows were the only thing keeping him upright.

You positioned you cock at his entrance, and slowly slid in, groaning at how tight and inviting his hole was, as if it was made just for your dick.

Gi-hun let out a loud moan, it was almost pornographic. He had never felt this full in his life– your cock was almost ripping him in half!

You bottomed out all the way to the hilt, and you slowly started to move, whispering dirty nothings in the older man’s ear.

“How does it feel, getting fucked by a man half your age, hm?” Gi-hun could only blabber at this, his brain could no longer form coherent words as his mind was so focused on how your cock was hitting the right spot with every. single. thrust.

You felt his hole mould into the shape of your cock, and every time you hit his prostate, his moans got more high pitched. One of your hands caressed his stomach, and you were surprised to find his belly bulging with every thrust. He squealed when he felt it, his brain was feeling so empty. 

“Y’know Gi-hun, your daughter must be quite lonely, considering that she is an only child. Wanna give Ga-yeong a sibling?” you teased, to which he could only moan, his head filled with the thought of you making him pregnant with your seed. The thought didn’t seem too bad.

To this, you lifted him up and sat on the couch with him on your lap, his back to your chest. You lifted his legs up in such a way that every single time you lifted him up and dropped him back on your lap, your dick would hit places he didn’t even know existed.

He threw his head back, eyes rolling to the back of his head with the vigour of your thrusts, fucking into him like you were an animal in heat. At this point, it really felt like you were trying to get him pregnant. A man couldn’t biologically get pregnant, but all rational thought had flown out the window, and who said you couldn’t try?

As your thrusts started to stutter, you knew you were at a climax, so when Gi-hun came with a cry, painting his abdomen white, you pushed into him all the way to his imaginary womb before coming undone with a loud groan, painting his gummy walls a pearly white.

You kept your cock in him for a while, letting him relax. His hole clenched and unclenched around your dick, while only spurred you on even more.

Gi-hun turned around to face you lazily, but with surprise, as he felt your cock harden in him once again.

“We can’t stop yet love, I need to give you a baby after all,” you smirked before pushing Gi-hun back down onto the couch.

He was fucked.

And somewhere out there, a stray cat was probably wondering why its dinner was late.

© carnalcrows on tumblr. Please do not steal my works as I spend time and and I take genuine effort to do them.

[chaoticwriting]

THE FATHER 2

Part 1

After the last incident, Danny totally expects the public to be afraid of him or even persecute him for killing the Joker. He did kill in front of a live stream after all. What he doesn't expect is the public giving their full support to him. Almost every single news media paints him in a good light, saying he is just protecting his children and bringing up all his previous charity.

However, there is one big problem Danny doesn't foresee. Danny doesn't even know about the problem because his children are the one that are suffering from it.

-Gotham Academy-

Emma: *Slamming her phone on the table* For the love of god, stop making thirst trap of my dad. He is too old for some of you (He is 20).

Becky: I know right. This is like the sixth thirst trap video that I see of dad.

Carl: I hate this so much. My crush just accepted my confession but on the condition I will introduce her to dad.

Larry: And you agree?

Carl: What? No! Of course not.

Emma: Ugghhh, this is the worst. Maybe we should ask Uncle Tucker to remove all of Dad's thirst trap online. I'm so done with this.

Larry: I don't know. This is the first time girls decide to talk to me voluntarily. I really am enjoying this attention.

Carl: You're happy now until one of the girls decides to confess to you and just as you thought because she likes you, it is because she has a crush on dad.

Larry: I know you just experienced it but you don't need to curse me like that.

Carl: Hmph.

Larry: Hey, has anyone seen Colin? I haven't seen him since last night.

Becky: *Whispersing* Don't you hear? Colin got shot after he went to patrol the night before yesterday. Dad grounds him cause he tries to sneak out injured last night.

Carl: Oof. Colin really doesn't learn does he? Dad has super sense. He literally can't sneak out.

Larry: Yeah. I don't even know why he wants to be a vigilante so much. I guess he is just kind of something. Couldn't be me to be honest.

Emma: Of course he is not like you. You are not even capable of waking up by yourself in the morning.

*Riiiinngggg*

Becky: Well that is our break then. Let's go to class.

Larry: Eh, it's not like Miss Brown gonna scold me if I am a little late anyway. She has been trying to get Dad's number from me for a while now.

Carl: Does dad even have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? Hell, a partner? I never saw him gone on a date once so far.

Emma: Chances are probably super low. Like to say he is dense is an understatement. A woman tried to flirt with him once but he just replied to all the flirting with the straightest face possible.

The rest: *Giggles*

-Gotham Libraries-

Contrary to what his kids have been believing in, he actually knows when someone is flirting with him. It's just that he takes note from the dense anime protagonist and uses it in daily life whenever he is not interested in a person flirting with him. Which is like daily.

But here is the problem. He can respond to a flirt very easily. He learns a lot of that from when he was dating Sam. But he never actually flirts with someone first. And he isn't sure just how to approach the problem.

Having decided that he has stayed long enough, Danny picks a random book from the space section and brings it to the checkout table.

Danny: Hey Barbara.

Barbara: Hey Danny. Borrowing another book?

Danny: Yeah. I just finished the previous one last night. It is a good book. Thanks for the recommendation.

Barbara: You're welcome. How's the kids doing? Still causing trouble for you?

Danny: It's the same shenanigans everyday. Going to lectures, doing paperwork, taking care of the kids. What about you?

Barbara: It's the same with me. Barely any people come to the library these days. Usually it's only either you or my friends.

Danny: Oh. Errmm, Barbara.

Barbara: Yes?

Danny: Would you be free this weekend?

Barbara: Are you asking me on a date?

Danny: Depends. If it is, what would you say?

Barbara: Hmmm, let me think.

Danny fidgets as Barbara taps her finger on the counter. Barbara loves to tease Danny since he is so cute when he is nervous.

Barbara: I think I am free this weekend. So I am available for a date.

Danny's face beams a smile as he hears that.

Danny: So is that a yes?

Barbara: What do you think, big guy?

Danny: Then I will come pick you up at your apartment then?

Barbara: Come pick me up at my dad's house. I will be ready at 5.

Danny: Okay. Have a good day.

Barbara: You too.

Danny then walks out of the library, skipping a little. He has been gathering courage to ask Barbara out on a date for a long time now. They first met when Danny first borrowed a book from a library. It's nothing crazy. Just interaction between two people. But after meeting up a few more times, Danny realizes that he might have a crush on her. After getting convinced by Tucker and Sam, Danny decided that today is the day he asks her out. And he succeeded.

Now, it is just to make sure that the date goes well.

-Clocktower-

Batman: That's it for tonight. Everyone returns back to the cave.

Black Bat/Spoiler/Red Robin: Roger.

Oracle: Hey, B. Can I have a day off this weekend?

Batman: Why?

Oracle: I have a date that night.

Spoiler: You are dating someone?

Oracle: It's not official yet. He only just asks me out on a date this morning.

Batman: Yes. Keep your comms up. In case a breakout happens your way.

Oracle: Okay.

Red Robin: Who are you going on a date with?

Oracle: Danny.

Spoiler: As in that Danny?

Oracle: Yes.

Spoiler: Oh wow! You work fast. How do you know him?

Oracle: He always comes to the library to borrow books. I met him long before he became famous so it is not so hard to talk with him.

Black Bat: Is he nice?

Oracle: He is very nice. It's very hard to even make him mad. The only time I remember him being in a slightly bad mood is at Christmas. He doesn't like it apparently. Wait, Hood is entering the line.

Red Hood: Oracle, you betray me!

Oracle: Tough luck loser. How do you know anyway?

Red Robin: I told him just now.

Red Hood: Yeah! You dare ask him out on a date first before me? I will remember this.

Oracle: He is the one that actually asks me out. We are going on an official date this weekend. I'll take a very nice picture of us together so that you can see from afar.

Red Hood: But your status still isn't official yet. I still have a chance.

Oracle: Over my dead body.

Red Hood: Oh, I will.

Spoiler: Errr, guys. What is happening?

Red Robin: They have a bet on who will get to date Danny first. Apparently Hood gets a massive crush on this guy after what happens in the livestream. Oracle gets the news and they quarrel a little bit. After that I propose a competition between the two.

Spoiler: But both of you don't know that Oracle is already close with Danny. Girl, that's dirty.

Oracle: All is fair in love and war.

Batman: What is his background?

Red Robin: As far as I can see, he is pretty clean. There is even what I suspect some vigilante works that he might have done because he is related to the disbandment of GIW that were supported by both his parents and his godfather. But after some digging into the old GIW files, there are traces of Danny and his friends helping the local ghost hero fighting either other ghosts or the agents themselves. There was also the unexplained money that he suddenly had early on in his career as CEO but so far, it doesn't seem like anything bad.

Robin: Hmmm.

Red Robin: What is it brat?

Robin: I feel like his face is very familiar.

Batman: Explain.

Robin: I need to confirm this with mother. But I am fairly certain that his ancestors have connections with the Al Ghul.

Red Robin: As in blood related?

Robin: No. But there is a book that mother finds about a man who has a very similar appearance to him. The book tells the tale of a kind immortal who spends his lives helping others while learning stuff from them.

Spoiler: A cult of assassins teach young children to be kind?

Robin: Shut it, Brown. I am not finished. The part of the story that interests me is the tale called The Beheader of Demon.

Spoiler: I take it back. That sounds like something a cult of assassins will teach young children.

Robin: The tale tells a story of the immortal meeting a demon who kills people just to find immortality. When the demon finds out that the immortal is well, immortal, he pursues the immortal, trying to kill him and forces the immortal to give away his immortality to him.

Red Robin: What happened next?

Robin: The Demon's head is severed and the Demon's subordinates run away bringing the Demon's body to the pool of revival.

Spoiler: So is this a true story?

Robin: Mother confirms it is a true story. I do not know whether he is a true immortal or not. However, I do know that his ancestors or maybe even him, is good enough to beat grandfather even if he has backup.

Red Hood: What about the other tales?

Robin: There is nothing of note. Some mention of the immortal's supernatural ability, like summoning the dead or the ability to move mountains and divert rivers.

Red Robin: That is not something to take note of?

Robin: No. Because in those stories, the only consistent thing about him is that he is kind. Never harm someone unless provoked.

Batman: Compile all the tales into a file. Red Robin, lists out all the possible powers of target.

Oracle: Oh wow. My date is now a target. How could this get better?

Red Hood: If he is really dangerous, I volunteer to stalk monitor them while they are on the date.

Oracle & Batman: No!

Red Hood: Tsk! Party pooper.

Batman: Red Robin and Spoiler, follow them. Priority is keeping Oracle safe.

Red Robin & Spoiler: *High five* Let's go.

Oracle: Ugghhh, you all better don't mess with my date. Or else I'll make sure you regret it.

[swappermanent]

The Freeloader

I think Brian resents me a little bit sometimes. I can see it in the way he sighs when he gets home and finds the mess I’ve made. Or how he mutters under his breath when he has to clean up after me. It’s the little things, you know? The unspoken tension of living with someone who doesn’t quite pull their weight.

After all, I am a freeloader. I stay in his apartment rent-free, eat food I didn’t buy, and, let’s face it, I don’t exactly contribute to the household chores. The dishes? Never done them. Laundry? Forget it. I’ve even been known to, uh, occasionally puke on the floor and not clean it up. Not my proudest moments.

Brian’s patience is admirable, really. He’s a good guy, but I get it—dealing with me isn’t always easy.

Maybe I should give you a bit more context. Because I’m starting to sound like the world’s worst roommate.

I’m Oscar. And I’m a border collie.

Yeah, that’s right. A dog. Brian adopted me as a puppy about five years ago. Back then, I was just a tiny ball of fur, all wobbly legs and oversized ears. I don’t remember much about that first day, but I do remember Brian’s face. He looked so happy, like he’d just won the lottery or something.

“Hey there, little guy,” he’d said, crouching down to meet me. His voice was warm, and his hand smelled like leather and soap. “You’re coming home with me.”

I’d wagged my tail so hard I nearly tipped over.

Brian named me Oscar because, according to him, I “looked like an Oscar.” I still have no idea what that means. Is it a compliment? An insult? A random name pulled out of thin air? Who knows. Humans are weird.

Speaking of weird things—Brian decided to do something truly odd last week. And when I say odd, I mean completely unhinged.

It started with him bursting through the door, practically tripping over his own feet. In his hand was a small package wrapped in plain brown paper. His face was lit up with this manic excitement, like he’d just discovered the secret to immortality or something.

“Oscar!” he said, grinning like a lunatic. “You’re not gonna believe this.”

I tilted my head, ears perked, doing my best What now, human? expression. He tore the package open with the enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning. Inside was… well, I didn’t know what it was. It looked like a gadget from one of those sci-fi shows he loves—small, sleek, covered in blinking lights and wires.

He knelt down to my level, holding the device out like it was a sacred relic. “Okay, bud. This is going to sound crazy, but hear me out. We’re about to do something revolutionary.”

I barked once, a sharp, skeptical sound.

He laughed. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re gonna love it.” He held the device up and fiddled with some buttons. “This little beauty here? It’s going to let us switch places. You’re going to become me, and I’m going to become you.”

I froze. Did he just say…? No. No way. He couldn’t mean—

Brian must’ve noticed my horrified expression because he quickly added, “Don’t worry, it’ll be quick. Totally painless!” He paused and then muttered, “Well, mostly painless.”

I barked again, this time louder, more insistent. Brian, what are you doing?

“Relax, Oscar.” He ruffled my fur absentmindedly and pulled a folded letter from his pocket, tossing it onto the table. “That’ll explain everything. You can read it later.”

Read it? I thought, incredulously. I’m a dog, Brian. I can’t—oh. Oh no.

Before I could react, he strapped one end of the device to my head and the other to his own. The straps were snug, and the metal pressed against my fur uncomfortably. I started barking frantically, thrashing to shake it off, but Brian was determined.

“It’s going to be fine,” he said, his voice oddly calm. “Just trust me.”

Trust him? He was about to Frankenstein us into a science experiment! I tried to pull away, but then he pressed a button, and everything went white.

An electric shock surged through my body, like a lightning bolt exploding inside me. I yelped—no, I screamed. The world around me blurred and twisted, the sounds of Brian’s voice and my barking melting into a chaotic whirlwind.

When the light finally faded, I gasped for air, my chest heaving. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. My limbs felt strange—too long, too heavy. I looked down and nearly fainted. Hands. I had hands. Fingers. Thumbs. I touched my face and felt smooth skin where there should have been fur.

I stumbled to my feet—human feet—and looked around. My gaze fell on Brian—or rather, what used to be Brian. Now, sitting where he’d been moments ago, was a dog. Not a border collie like I’d been, but a scruffy-looking mutt with wiry fur and floppy ears.

He was barking like mad, pacing in frantic circles.

“Brian?” I croaked. My voice was strange—deep and raspy. I slapped a hand over my mouth, shocked at the sound.

Brian—Dog Brian—stopped barking and stared at me. His tail wagged hesitantly, and then he barked again, as if to say, What the hell just happened?

I turned back to the table and grabbed the letter with trembling hands. It was addressed to me—well, to “Oscar.”

With a shaky breath, I unfolded it and began to read.

I unfolded the letter and started to read, my new hands shaking slightly.

"Dear Oscar,

I know this is going to sound crazy, but if you’re reading this, then everything worked (kind of, I hope). First, I need to explain something. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for the past year. Two jobs, skyrocketing rent, inflation—I’m barely keeping my head above water. It has been rough, man.

I haven’t had a break in so long, and I’m… I’m tired, Oscar. Really tired. I thought about taking a vacation, but that’s impossible when you’re me. Then I found this device online—don’t ask me where. It promised a way to swap places. I thought, hey, why not?

So, here’s the deal: I need you to step into my shoes for a few weeks. Go to work for me, handle the apartment, just… keep things running while I take a much-needed break as a dog. You’ll get to experience life as a human, which has to be interesting for you, right? Win-win!

If something goes wrong or you decide you really don’t want to do this, you’ll have to wait 24 hours before the device can be used again to switch us back.

Thanks for being my best friend, Oscar. I know you’ve got this.

—Brian”

I stared at the letter, my new heart pounding. Then, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. Staring back at me was a man—a tall, broad-shouldered, salt-and-pepper-bearded man.

My mind reeled. Brian had clearly thought I’d end up in his body, but that wasn’t what had happened at all. Instead, I was in some completely different human form. And judging by the frantic barking from Dog Brian, this was as much of a shock to him as it was to me.

“Brian!” I said, my voice deep and gravelly. He stopped barking and tilted his head, his floppy ears twitching. “This isn’t what you planned, is it?”

He let out a series of short, high-pitched barks, spinning in a circle. I had no idea what he was trying to say, but his agitation was clear.

I sighed, leaning heavily against the table. “I guess we’re stuck like this for at least a little bit now.”

I turned my attention to back myself in the mirror. My new self. Slowly, I held up my hands, turning them over to examine the calloused palms and long fingers. They were strong and well-defined. My arms were muscular, the veins faintly visible under the skin. I ran a hand over my face, feeling the thick beard and the sharp line of my jaw. My hair was thick, dark with streaks of gray at the temples.

I took a step closer, staring in disbelief. “I… I’m hot?” The words slipped out before I could stop them. “Holy crap, I didn’t realize humans could look like this.”

Brian—er, Dog Brian—let out a loud, sharp bark, clearly unimpressed with my self-discovery. He pawed at the ground and then sat, glaring at me with the kind of judgment only a dog—or a former human—could muster.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I said, grinning despite myself. “This is your fault, you know. If you’d done your research, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Brian had always been kind of short and pudgy, with a perpetual look of exhaustion. But this body? This was something else. I was tall, lean, and athletic, with strong hands and long legs. And the beard? Come on. I looked older than Brian—probably because five in dog years is, what, thirty-five in human years? But it suited me.

I flexed my arms experimentally. “I guess being an athletic and handsome dog translates into being an athletic and handsome human,” I said with a smirk.

Brian barked again, this time a low, annoyed growl.

“Relax,” I said, ruffling his wiry fur. “It’s only 24 hours. We’ll figure this out. In the meantime…” I glanced around the apartment, taking in the cluttered mess of dishes, laundry, and takeout boxes. “Looks like I’ve got some time to kill. Maybe I’ll clean up a little. You know, since I’ve got thumbs now.”

Then, I felt a stirring in my groin and thought to myself, "or maybe there's a better use for these hands in the meantime."

[autumngracy]

In my original fiction I have a situation with a character that I think is a novel approach to this issue? (Without spoilers)

Basically the character *is* born "special" in a sense, but their existence is an accident and so are any interesting or beneficial attributes their "specialness" gives them. No one (including themselves) is aware that they're different for almost the entire series, and their "special" attributes go unnoticed until the very end.

While it could be argued that their "specialness" secretly affects the plot along the way and "helps" the character, there isn't really anything pointing to the character being unique in a way that benefits them. In fact, the few hints they get along the story that they *may* be different in some way only serve to give them an existential crisis and additional ptsd fodder.

There are actually several characters in the series like this that aren't aware of having a unique trait for a very long time, and when they finally learn of it, it mostly just serves to freak them out. There isn't really any sense of "fate" or "being a chosen one"; there aren't any gods or prophecies or anything. There's only random accidents that happen to propel the story along. If there is any semblance of "fate" in the series, it's really just chance occurrences being exploited by someone.

So, I don't know, does this counter the trope or play into it? A "special" protag whose specialness doesn't help them in any obvious way, and isn't known for most of the story?

Like, "you're special, but only incidentally. The plot may or may not have been able to happen if you *weren't* special, but we'll never really know. The specialness will devastate you mentally and emotionally. It will also effect you physically, but the jury's out on whether that's a good or a bad thing. Have fun dealing with the consequences. lol"

The inciting incidents of the plot also stem from a character being accidentally different in a way that complicates their life both positively and negatively, so I guess a lot of it is "making the best of the random hand you've been dealt".

The specialness of the characters isn't really what makes them into "cool heroes". (Many of them are, arguably, uncool and unheroic quite a lot of the time.) It's what they choose to do with their lives that counts.

rudolph the red nosed reindeer

[slickdickwitchbitchh]

Streamer!JJ x Tiktokit!girlreader Headcanons

JJ’s streams are pure chaos, filled with jokes, wild commentary, and unpredictable antics. His audience tunes in for the rollercoaster ride he creates every time he goes live.

He leans into his bad-boy charm, often teasing authority figures or poking fun at Twitch rules (without breaking them).

He streams popular games like Call of Duty, Apex Legends, and Fortnite, but also surprises viewers with random choices like Stardew Valley or Among Us, where he thrives as the chaotic wildcard.

He’s always giving away random stuff like custom merch, surfboards, or even an old fishing rod he signed. Fans love how genuine and unpredictable he is.

JJ thrives on trolling back chat trolls, usually with witty comebacks or playful banter. It’s all in good fun, and his fans eat it up.

JJ’s setup is a mix of high-end gaming gear (probably gifted by fans) and things he rigged together himself, like a hand-painted backdrop. His camera angle is always slightly crooked, which fans find endearing.

JJ often streams with John B, Kie, Pope, and Sarah. These sessions are chaotic but hilarious, with JJ constantly trying to prank the others mid-game.

He occasionally takes his audience outside, streaming adventures like late-night fishing or skateboarding stunts. These IRL streams are just as chaotic as his gaming ones.

His chat is filled with recurring memes, like calling out JJ for always “forgetting” to fix his camera or hyping him up as the “king of clutch plays” when he barely scrapes by in games.

JJ uses his platform to raise money for causes close to his heart, like ocean conservation or supporting underprivileged youth. He does wild challenges as donation incentives, like shaving his head or attempting to surf while live-streaming.

He hosts events like beach clean-ups, livestreaming them to encourage his audience to get involved in their own communities.

JJ Maybank wasn’t the type of guy to get flustered, especially not by some girl on TikTok. But there was something about her. Y/N wasn’t just any IT girl—she was the IT girl. Her TikToks were effortlessly cool: dark eyeliner smudged to perfection, oversized leather jackets, and a smirk that could either destroy you or make your whole day. She was the epitome of black cat energy, the polar opposite of JJ’s chaotic golden retriever vibe.

It started with a repost. JJ was mindlessly scrolling TikTok late at night when he stumbled upon one of her videos. She was mouthing along to some sultry audio, her piercing gaze aimed directly into the camera. Without thinking, he hit the “repost” button and added the caption, "Okay, but why is this so good? Teach me your ways."

He didn’t think much of it—just JJ being JJ, hyping up someone who clearly had their life together. What he didn’t anticipate was the absolute meltdown his fans would have the next day.

JJ went live on Twitch the following afternoon, expecting another chaotic day of gaming and banter. But the chat was already spiraling out of control before he even picked up his controller.

“JJ, explain that TikTok repost.” “Bro, are you crushing on Y/N or what?” “JYN 2024 LET’S GO!”

JJ squinted at the chat, confused. “What are you guys talking about?” Then it hit him. His repost. His face immediately flushed. “Oh, come on! I just thought it was a good TikTok! Can’t a guy appreciate some talent without everyone making it weird?”

His chat was having none of it. Fans spammed heart emojis, ship names, and theories about JJ’s crush. Despite his protests, he couldn’t hide the goofy grin that crept onto his face whenever Y/N’s name came up.

It wasn’t long before Y/N caught wind of the repost. Her comment section was flooded with messages like, “JJ Maybank is OBSESSED with you,” and “When’s the collab with JJ?”

Ever the unbothered queen, Y/N played it cool. She stitched his repost, smirking into the camera as she said, “JJ? Isn’t he that streamer who can’t finish a game without breaking something?”

The video went viral immediately. JJ saw it live during one of his streams, his jaw dropping in mock offense as the clip played on repeat. “Chat, did she just roast me? Oh, it’s on now.”

But instead of firing back with an actual roast, JJ doubled down on the banter. He reposted her video with, "Touché. But we all know I’d win in a 1v1. Prove me wrong?" Fans loved the playful back-and-forth, and the internet began buzzing about their “rivalry.”

After weeks of teasing from his fans, JJ finally slid into Y/N’s DMs. His message was equal parts confident and awkward:

“Okay, so I’m not saying I’m scared of you, but I’m also not not saying it. Wanna settle this on stream? Loser buys dinner.”

To his surprise, Y/N replied within minutes. “You’re lucky I like chaos. Let’s do it. But don’t cry when I win.”

From that point on, their banter escalated. They played a few games together—her calm, calculated black cat energy perfectly balancing his chaotic golden retriever vibe. Every time she called him out for being “too loud” or “too much,” he countered with an over-the-top compliment that made her laugh despite herself.

Fans started shipping them harder than ever, creating fan edits of JJ’s streams mixed with her TikToks. “Golden retriever x black cat” trended across multiple platforms, and both JJ and Y/N leaned into it, dropping subtle hints about their connection.

Despite the internet’s obsession with their ship, JJ and Y/N kept things private. They texted constantly, had late-night FaceTime calls, and even managed to meet up a few times without anyone finding out. JJ would ramble about her to John B and Pope, grinning like an idiot the entire time.

“She’s so cool, man. Like, effortlessly cool. I don’t even know why she talks to me.”

Pope smirked. “Maybe because you won’t shut up about her?”

Meanwhile, Y/N’s TikToks started to feature subtle hints of their connection. A leather jacket draped over a chair that looked suspiciously like JJ’s. A quick shot of a hand with his signature Pogue bracelet. Her fans speculated wildly, but she never confirmed anything.

JJ loved how private their relationship was, but he also couldn’t wait to share her with the world. He just didn’t know how.

It happened unexpectedly during one of JJ’s streams. He was mid-match, trash-talking his opponents, when a voice chimed in from off-camera.

“You talk a big game for someone who just got sniped.”

JJ froze, his eyes darting to the side. “Chat… wait. Hold up. Chat, I didn’t—she wasn’t supposed to be here yet.”

Before he could explain, Y/N walked into frame, looking effortlessly cool in an oversized hoodie and messy hair. She leaned on his chair, smirking at the camera.

“Hey, JJ’s little crew. Hope he’s treating you better than he treats his K/D ratio.”

Chaos erupted. The chat was a flood of messages:

“NO WAY IS THAT Y/N???”

“Golden retriever x black cat IRL CONFIRMED.”

“Our ship is REAL!”

JJ groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Y/N, you just broke the internet.”

“Good,” she replied, smirking. “They needed something exciting today.”

For the rest of the stream, the two bantered back and forth, with Y/N casually roasting JJ’s gameplay and him dramatically pretending to be heartbroken. Fans couldn’t get enough.

The internet exploded with memes, fan edits, and tweets about the reveal. JJ and Y/N trended for days, their dynamic captivating fans everywhere. Despite the chaos, they handled it in stride, continuing to stream together occasionally while keeping most of their relationship private.

JJ loved seeing her in her element, effortlessly winning over his fans with her quick wit and charm. And Y/N couldn’t help but admire how genuine and fun he was, even when the spotlight was on them.

Their relationship became the perfect mix of chaos and calm—just like a golden retriever and a black cat.

Stream Comments :

"THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER 😭💘 THEY'RE ENDGAME, YOUR HONOR."

"JJ pulled Y/N??? The rest of us don’t stand a CHANCE."

"She’s so black cat coded, and he’s just barking in the background. Literal perfection."

"So we’re just not gonna talk about how he’s been soft-launching her for WEEKS???"

"‘She wasn’t supposed to be here yet’ 🤨 JJ, be so serious. You KNEW."

"The way she casually roasted him and he just SMILED??? Sir, you’re down bad."

"Plot twist: They’ve been dating this whole time, and we were just clowns 🤡."

"JJ soft launching her bracelet in the background of his streams… sneaky king 😏."

[jewish-vents]

Lost another friend and need to rant about it. This is gonna be long and all over the place: apologies in advance.

I hate how unfair the world is to us. I hate how all the good leftist principles apply to every minority except us. I hate how the world ensures we see that it treats us differently so we can feel totally isolated (we are) and give up. I hate how we aren't given basic human decency like everyone else. I hate how even as I write this, I fear being misunderstood.

I'm a "Jew of color" and the gentile who I am no longer friends with is POC like me. I had to cut them off because they have more contempt towards me (they also treat me like I'm the representative of all Jews) than white people.

I express my experiences with antisemitism and my sadness about how bad antisemitism is right now? They would tell me I'm insensitive and selfish because Palestine. "Just go outside and you'll be fine" but going outside is how I experience antisemitism. Antisemitism is a real thing, I would say. It's not just a few hate comments on a screen by trolls like Hitlerfan123. We are not safe anywhere and we can't hide. This isn't an exaggeration to trick you like the evil Jew I am. And they would just bring up Palestine again. And again. To shut me down and to shut me out. I would get defensive and they'd tell me that I'm acting like a white person. White tears. White fragility. BUT YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, I would say. And they'd tell me I'm acting hysterical. That the zionists put me in some delusion where the world is out to get me but I'm actually fine and no one wants to hurt Jews.

"You're acting like a white person who says "we get hate crimed too" whenever a poc talks about their oppression" they said. They made a few comparisons like that. I tried so hard to get them to understand me. To acknowledge our pain.

Don't they know I can feel pain too? I observed how they would constantly post stuff like "minorities must stick together". They would keep an eye on hate crimes for everyone but us and actually listen to their stories. Do they even know how soul crushing that is? To feel so completely alone?

I couldn't even talk about the Holocaust with them. Every time I tried to, they'd have to say "the Holocaust isn't unique and all genocides are connected" at least once. And it's so fucking unfair. Why are we the only ones being told "we're not special"? These "you and your experiences aren't unique" conversations start and stop with us. I would never, ever tell anyone slavery isn't unique because slavery was unique. I would never go up to someone and tell them oh btw the genocide of your people wasn't unique. That's EVIL. And yet it only happens to us. Before anyone misunderstands me, I know right wingers routinely say this to minorities. But the whole bird mocks and belittles us. Regular people go out of their way to remind us "we're not unique or special". I shouldn't have to give a million disclaimers either. Only we are told our genocide isn't special. I honestly wouldn't care if the people who told me that said the same thing about other genocides. But they never do. They'll go on to talk about how unique every other genocide is and then come back to us with "the Holocaust isn't unique". You only ever talk about the Holocaust when it's time to say "everything's connected" and yet you're surprised I call you an antisemite?! If you can't talk about the Holocaust without mentioning other genocides and other minorities, you can't gaslight me into thinking I'm an anti-intersectionality asshole.

And then there's the speaking over us thing. I dumped my ex friends who were all POC/queer/etc for this very reason. I'm on the floor in pain sobbing about antisemitism and you think you know being a Jew more than me. I say something like "hey Zionist can be a slur towards Jews" and you immediately disagree and try to argue with me. "But my other Jewish friend said otherwise so I don't believe you". Or "This random Jew i follow online says otherwise". I have never been so dehumanized.

Can't forget the "weaponization of antisemitism" thing. I hear this all the time now. Who do they think they are? Gentiles have never felt more comfortable. They are afraid to criticize or say anything about other minorities and will even bend for them but with us, it's "Jews cry antisemitism". And as I said to my ex friends, don't be shy. Expand this convo TO EVERYONE YOU PRICKS. Tell POC they weaponize racism. Tell gay people they weaponize homophobia. And they never do. Because anything flies with Jews and Jews alone.

Okay rant over. I hate this world

.

[dracophile]

As someone who has had to push the carts out there--it is hard enough without having to track down all the "Orphan" carts, as we call them. 100F in the sun, or 30F and windy, we were out there. And we didn't have any little cart pusher, we were doing it all on our own power.

Now, some might think "Oh, it's one cart, it's not a big deal". And if it weren't for the fact fifty other people might be thinking that in an hour, yeah, sure, maybe not. But it ads up. So when they go out there for 15-30 minutes to round up carts, and they're having to go all over the parking lot to get these single carts people couldn't walk a few seconds to put away, it hinders progress getting them to the front, which means more time outside for someone else if they need more help. And we can't just leave them, because they can become hazards--blocking parking, hitting cars, etc. Even worse when it's in handicapped parking.

Which on that note--if your tired or juggling a lot (like kids or crutches) or not feeling well or anything really, ASK FOR HELP. There is nothing wrong with that. And that is much more like giving baggers a quick break outside. Because, while I can't speak for every store, ours sent people bagging the groceries and the checkers out to push carts. NO ONE IS HIRED JUST TO PUSH CARTS. This mindset does not "create" jobs, it creates extra work for people already doing their jobs.

Side rant, don't just put stuff on random shelves. ESPECIALLY COLD ITEMS AND MEAT. If you decide you don't want it, take it back, find a store employee to give it too, or hand it to the checker and say "I decided I didn't want this". It then gets put in returns. Sure the shelves are searched and stuff gets put back, but if it's meat or cold items that get too warm, it's officially damaged and gets destroyed--which wastes food.

[genderqueerdykes]

hey hi!! sorry if this is random but I need a second opinion on this and I respect your views on things a lot: so I was having an arguement with a friend who keeps making dick jokes ( yk, bad person = small dick, small dick = not real man and stuff ), their argument is it wasn't a big deal and everyone makes jokes like these. whereas I was saying it was offensive, bigoted and also made me really uncomfortable, especially as a transmasc person. idk, they were saying I was overreacting?? I've never really liked dick jokes like this, just feels like body shaming that's been normalized?? what are y'alls thoughts on this? ( and maybe, how I should go about talking w them. they're generally a really good friend, but this obviously caused some disagreement between us and it's really upsetting. they're also the only really trans accepting person I've got rn so yeah )

i'm sorry your friend is doing that, that is very gross behavior. that is not over-reacting

people are very mean about penises. especially to the person who has the penis. i have no idea why people think it's right or funny to joke about penis size. mocking cis men for their penis size is why a lot of them have trauma and inferiority complexes when it comes to sex and their ability to have sexual partners. you can't shame someone for something they can't control like that and then not expect them to have issues with how they feel about that body part. people are relentless. people torture people with small dicks

people are gross af toward people with big dicks. people are so nasty when it comes to people who have big dicks. people just stare and make comments.

i've even heard people say weird shit like how men who are exclusively attracted to trans women are apparently just "secretly gay" because they love dick so much. i've been mocked for not having a biopenis. and people have used that against me as a trans man to make me feel bad. especially my ex gf who was transfem. she was horrible to me after she found out i didn't have a dick. she constantly misgendered me and treated me with transandrophobic behavior.

honestly people need to stop making these jokes. they're weird and objectifying and creepy. people for the most part can't control the size of their genitals outside of some of the effects of HRT. like leave people alone that shit is so weird. i'm sorry you're dealing with that. this shit hurts transmascs and trans men so bad and nobody cares. nobody gives a fuck and they really should.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Hello!! I want to request a headcanon for Bonten Mikey, Ran, Sanzu and Takeomi having an arranged marriage with a girl that is a real sweetheart, that always wants to help and really wants the marriage to go well! Thank u so much in advance for answering and reading my request <3

Very different reactions between them but here they are!

Mikey-

He's completely indifferent to you at first, it's hard to tell exactly what he thinks of you or this marriage. 

Barely looks at you or talks to you unless it's simple things. You actually end up talking more to his no3, Kakucho. Who does his best to apologise for Mikey's absence and comfort you that Mikey really isn't that bad of a guy, you just need to be patient with him. 

As time passes, Mikey grows used to your presence, even finding comfort in it. You're so normal compared to the rest of his life and so eager to help him.

Seeks you out as soon as he comes home from work each day, seeing you is the best part of his day, the one thing he has to look forward to in his life anymore. 

Get's affectionate with you at random times, he especially likes to sleep cuddled up with you, he finds it a little easier to sleep when you're next to him. 

He wasn't really against this marriage in the beginning, he just didn't care what happened at all. But he finds himself actually happy for the way things have turned out. Sometimes he wonders if it's ok for him to have this happiness but he can't give you up now, he's addicted to the way you make him feel, to the love he feels for you. 

Ran-

Finds himself amused at the idea of having a wife, like he could settle down and live a quiet life, the whole thing makes him laugh. He's even more amused when he meets you, such a sweetheart like you with someone like him? He's going to ruin you. 

Teases you a lot and tends to ask a lot of questions (especially nsfw ones), he especially enjoys seeing your reactions to things a lot. Views you as nothing more then a fun new thing to play with at first. 

Makes things clear with you from the start, this marriage is arranged so he feels no love for you. He's still going to go out to clubs and do everything he used to do, you're welcome to do the same if you want, as long as you keep it discreet. But there's something about the way you just nod when tells you that makes him uneasy. 

There wasn't much point in him telling you all that anyway, the second he walks back into a club all he can do is compare all the girls to you. He doesn't want any of them, instead he finds that you're the one on his mind, the one he's fantasising about. Rindou looks at him strangely when Ran tells him he's just going to head home instead, that he isn't in the mood for this tonight. 

Of course you notice when Ran comes straight home after work every evening and stays there. Anytime you ask he just brushes it aside, saying that he's tired or just wasn't in the mood. The truth is he just wants to hang out with you. He knows he's fallen in love, maybe having a wife was for him after all. 

Occasionally he takes you out with him to the various clubs bonten owns, always with an arm around you and a protective glare at any guy who looks your way. After all, he's still Ran and he still loves these places, but now he has someone he can enjoy them with even more. 

Sanzu-

Hates you before he even meets you, just the thought of you makes him scowl. This isn't part of his job, his job is to be Mikey's right hand not to be some random woman's husband. Why couldn't anyone else in bonten have you instead, why him?

He's just as furious the first time he meets you, as well as when the two of you move in together too. He won't look properly at you and tells you to stay away from him, along with a bunch of other rules for living in his house. You're just someone living here to him, no one but Mikey matters anyway. 

He's surprised by how diligent you are with following his rules. And not only that but you seem to be putting a lot of effort into making this comfortable for him, even following his cleaning routine perfectly despite him not asking or expecting you to. It's enough to make him soften a bit towards you, even if it's only a little. 

Joins you for dinner one evening and finds himself actually liking your presence. He feels relaxed around you, which is unusual for him. That one dinner, quickly turns into an evening routine for the two of you. 

Little by little he opens up to you and spends more time with you, completely lifting the rules he first set in place. He isn't entirely sure if this is love or even how he'd define that in the first place but he thinks he might feel it for you. 

It's a dark thought but he hopes you never go against bonten, he doesn't want to have to do anything to you. He just wants to stay like this, living with you forever. 

Takeomi- 

Was pretty unsure when he first heard about this arranged marriage idea. Why would he want a wife? Just look at what happened to his parents, he never wants to be in same position his father was left in. 

Is the most reasonable towards you though, engages with you and let's you do what you like. Even if he doesn't love you, he's not going to make your life miserable. 

He's hiding things from you though, he has this persona he puts on for you. Tries to impress you with extravagant things and expensive jewellery and clothes. Acts like he's a very big deal too, it's like he's trying to win your love/ admiration with material things. 

Eventually you reassure him that be can be himself around you, he can be more vulnerable and more honest. This is the first time anyone has ever told Takeomi that, the first time he didn't have to be the responsible one or the one in charge, or the one trying to keep up with the others. It marks a change in your relationship. 

It's a slow process, a lot for him to unlearn but Takeomi does become more honest with you, letting himself be vulnerable with you. And with that he let's himself fall in love with you too, accepting you as his and him as yours. Sometimes he wonders what he did to deserve a wife like you. 

[skippingstonez]

Sickly Snuggles

(Legend x Fem!Reader)

It had been a quiet morning.

After two days of sporadic rain everyone was inclined to get to the stable as soon as possible.

The storm had left a muddy path that clung to their boots and forced them into a slower pace. Mixed with the dropping temperature that left a merely uncomfortable chill in the air. They wouldnt of been surprised if ice lay beneath the layer of muck.

Wild had assured them that it never snowed on this side of the ravine but with their luck everyone remained skeptical.

Legend had settled at the back of the group, opting not to participate in any idle chit chat or shenanigans the others would come up with as they walked. Observing the others had become entertainment in itself and truthfully it let him pick up on things that the others might not be aware of.

Legend always believed you could learn a lot about a person by how they traveled and his companions were no different. Take Sky for example. When he's frustrated, his steps are heavier and more prominent. As if hes walking with a distinct purpose. Or how when Four has a headache he quickens his pace while simultaneously shortening his stride so it's more of a shuffle. Twilight fiddles with Epona's reigns when he's sleepy and Wars will start mumbling the most random facts when he's hungry.

From his spot, Legend looked over to Hyrule, taking in the way his arms swung at his side. The kid is clearly restless and Legend just hopes he won't go wandering off and get lost until after lunch. Just ahead of him was Four, and (Y/N).

His attention snagged on you.

The way you walk is most similar to the Captain’s. With arms close to your sides with little to no extra movement.

But when you're tired? Your damn hips give it away every time. After long days or a particularly rough battle Legend can see them swaying from side to side. The more exhausted you are, the more they sway like a hypnotizing pendulum.

Just like they were now.

In fact, the longer he stared (not that he was staring) the more differences he noticed. Your arms were crossed in front, fingers digging into the sleeves of your tunic. The tilt of your neck looked strained and uncomfortable with your head practically resting on your own shoulder.

Surely there was a reason for it right? He looked to the others, finding them all wrapped up in other conversations.

Has no one noticed?

Legend focused even harder, trying to figure out what caused this odd change. You had nearly passed out with Sky before Wild had even finished making dinner last night, and it was still early in the day so it didn't make sense to be this tired already. Maybe you were injured? Monsters had been scarce lately, and the ones they had faced had been easily dispatched of. Everything has seemed normal. Well, maybe normal wasn't the right word but rather nothing had been abnormal?

He squinted his eyes in concentration.

“Everything alright Vet?”

Legend barely spared Twilight a glance. “Does… does (Y/N) seem alright to you?” He whispered. He didn't want to worry anyone unnecessarily but there was just something that was eating at him.

Twilight glanced over, considering his question. “She does seem a bit off now that you mention it. I can go check on her.”

“It's fine, I'll do it.” Legend said, quickly stopping him.

He quickened his pace just enough to pass through the group without drawing too much attention. You were closer to Wars now which was a pain if he wanted to be discreet but he inched his way around the Captain so that it looked as if he was simply walking towards Hyrule.

He glanced back over his shoulder and mentally slapped himself for not thinking of it sooner.

Your eyes were barely open, fluttering open just long enough to keep you from running into someone. Your face was pale and scrunched up in a twisted expression.

He stepped beside you, tapping your shoulder with a single finger. “(Y/N)?”

Your posture quickly straightened, stumbling slightly as you rubbed at your eyes. You looked like death. Your lips were pressed into a thin line to hide their quivering despite the sweat beading down your temples.

“For Din’s sake. Why didn't you tell anyone you aren't feeling good?”

“m’fine…” you mumbled, swatting his hand away. You attempted to keep walking, though you swayed enough to bump into him.

He grabbed onto you, keeping you from passing out where you stood. Your head immediately flopped onto his shoulder. Leaning against him with a heavy groan. He hadn't even realized he stopped walking until he heard someone call for the others to stop.

“Everything alright?” Time asked as everyone gathered around.

Legend could already feel the heat radiating off of you but he placed the back of his hand on your forehead anyway. “She’s definitely got a fever,”

“She's sick?”

“She seemed fine this morning!”

Legend felt your knees buckle slightly as you rested more of your weight against him. He put his arm around your waist and pulled you closer for better support.

“Do we need to stop?”

“Wild how far till the stable?”

Wild looked at his slate “2 hours? Maybe 3?”

Time stepped up, placing the back of his hand on her forehead as well. “It would be preferable to rest at the stable in case the weather takes a turn again,” He mused.

“They're barely conscious let alone in any condition to hike through Wild's era for 3 more hours” Legend remarked, noticing how unsteady your breathing was getting.

“I can carry ‘em if it'll help,” Sky offered, already stepping closer and holding out his arms.

If Legend tightened his grip on you just a bit no one seemed to notice.

“No offense Sky but I don't think you're the best one to carry someone for that long.” Twilight teased and Sky rolled his eyes.

“Plus your immune system is shit. You'll probably catch whatever it is they have, " Legend added.

“Oh come on guys I'm not that bad!” Everyone gave him an unimpressed look and Sky sighed in defeat.

“I'll do it” Captain said in a tone that suggested that this solution was obvious. He stepped forward and reached for your arm but you immediately squirmed and pushed him away. Trying again, he huffed in annoyance at the way you flung your arm to avoid his grasp.

The others snickered as Twilight came up, patting Wars shoulder almost sympathetically before he swooped his hand under your arm.

“Ow! (Y/N) what the heck!?” Twilight quickly stepped away, rubbing his shin that you had kicked.

You curled into Legend who was trying not to show how smug he felt at your blatant rejection towards anyone carrying you.

“I'll do it,” Legend said, trying to sound calm and unaffected.

“You sure? We can always-”

“It's fine, I've already got them anyway. It's just till we get to the stables right? So let's just get going.” Legend passed Wild your stuff to store before handing his sword and shield to Hyrule. Then shifted around until his back was to you.

You mumbled a small protest but weakly wrapped your arms around his neck as he bent down and picked you up. With his hands securely under your knees he took a few steps to make sure neither of you would fall.

“Alright let's keep moving.”

———

Legend was prepared to be exhausted by the time they got to the stable. He knew he'd likely be a bit more sore as well. But he was willing to put up with it. Even if it was a downright pain for him, at least he could mentally prepare himself now for what would likely be a rather long night later on.

What he hadn't been prepared for though was the constant battle to keep his goddess damned emotions in check.

Soon after they had started walking again your head had rested on his shoulder. He had obviously anticipated that considering you could barely hold it up a moment ago.

But then your arms would wrap tighter around him. Not enough to hurt or make him uncomfortable, but just enough to grab his whole attention before then relaxing.

Meanwhile your nose would brush along the length of his shoulder. Trying to bury your face further into his tunic with a soft whine that tugged at his heart.

At first he tried to ignore it. You were simply trying to get more comfortable so you could at least try to rest.

Ignoring it only went so far though as the further they walked the more often you would do this.

It was driving him crazy.

Each time, you clung to him tighter, nuzzling your face deeper into the crook of his neck so your hair tickled against his jaw line. Occasionally the collar of his tunic would get shifted, allowing the tip of your nose to brush against the skin of his neck. A warm shiver raced up his spine at the feeling, settling in his chest before he would quickly readjust. Shoving away the warmth in an attempt to try and stay unbothered.

Unfortunately for Legend, he found himself beginning to lean into it. Giving your legs a small, reassuring squeeze whenever you pressed into his neck.

Letting the warm feeling linger just a little longer before trying to convince himself to push it away. You were sick. Obviously you weren't being entirely yourself at the moment. It's not like you were trying to be so stupidly adorable.

Almost selfishly, the next time he had to reach up to adjust the collar of his tunic, he loosened it so that the fabric could fall away from his neck.

Just as he had hoped, the fabric was quickly replaced with your face nuzzling into the now more exposed skin.

He had to take multiple deep breaths to try and regulate his own heart beat, afraid that you could hear it pounding against his chest.

Almost as if you realized what you were doing, you pulled away with a mumbled apology.

“I-It's fine” he was quick to respond, hoping you wouldn't pull away from him more. “Tell me if you start feeling worse, yeah?”

He felt you nod slightly before your face returned to where it had been. With a small sigh of relief, he laid his own head on top of yours for a moment.

A content hum reached his ears, making him smile softly as you finally seemed to settle and eventually fell asleep.

———

Two hours of walking later and the stable was nowhere in sight. Wild had assured them that it was close by but Legend wasn't hopeful. You have been in and out of consciousness, though currently seemed to be passed out again.

It did little to help ease the worry Legend felt.

You was alarmingly hot and he knew it needed to be treated soon before it became dangerous.

You groaned softly, lifting your head from his shoulder. “L-link?” you whispered in his ear

He craned his neck to look at you. Your skin was a ghostly white with eyes an irritated red.

“I..I don't..feel good..”

Legend sighed “Wild says we're almost at the stable. Can you hang on just a little longer?”

You closed your eyes, shaking your head before simply putting it back down “im sorry..”

The second he heard your voice sound so defeated he stepped closer to Time. “We need to stop. They've gotten worse.”

Time reached out his hand to your forehead and immediately called for everyone to stop.

He slipped his arms under yours and peeled you off Legend's back as everyone gathered around.

Time gently laid you down as the Captain hovered over you.

“(Y/N)? Shit, they're burning up. We gotta cool them down.”

Legend quickly grabbed his bag from Hyrule and pulled out his ice rod. “Here, use this!”

He handed it over but quickly snatched it back when Wars sent ice shards flying out of it.

“We need to cool them down, not literally freeze them! Ugh, here. Sky, can I borrow the cape?”

He nodded and quickly handed over the sailcloth. Legend folded it a few times before touching the ice rod to it. When the cloth was sufficiently cool he placed it under your head.

“Alright, Vet make sure it stays cool. Champion, got any medicine in that thing of yours?”

Wild looked at his slate “No but I could probably make something!”

“Good enough, smithy go help him. Rancher and Sky, why don't you go find a better place to set up camp. Rest of us will stay here and keep an eye on things.”

Sky and Twilight walked off while Four followed after Wild. Legend sat on the ground and was soon joined by Hyrule.

“Here, drink some water. We don't need you getting sick too.” Legend rolled his eyes but took the water and downed a few gulps.

A shiver ran through you and Legend was quick to notice.

Reaching into his bag he pulled out his blanket and draped it over you.

You opened your eyes, which seemed foggy and confused.

Hyrule reached out his hand, gently brushing hair away from your face. “Hey, you doing alright?”

You looked at Hyrule, and then at Legend before tears formed in your eyes and slowly shook your head. Hyrule couldn't help but smirk at how quickly Legend reacted to the tears.

In a split second he had pulled you onto his lap. Letting you rest against his chest with your head once again on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry…”

“Don't be. Everyone gets sick.” he whispered. Running his hand up and down your back.

Hyrule leaned over and gently dropped the cold cloth on the back of your neck.

“Thanks” Legend mumbled.

Hyrule didn't respond but Legend still noticed the way his successor was eyeing him. “What?”

“Nothing~”

Legend just raised an eyebrow but Hyrule matched it. Thankfully that's when Wild came over, bottle in hand.

“Here, this should help bring the fever down.”

Hyrule took the bottle and Legend helped you sit up. Hyrule lifted it to your mouth and tilted it as you took a few sips.

The fever didn't disappear instantly but if anything you already seemed to be a bit more comfortable, curling back into Legend.

He combed his fingers through your hair as Hyrule helped make sure the cloth was sufficiently cool. They stayed like that for a while until Twilight came back into view.

“Hey! We found a place for camp. Sky's already started setting up.” Twilight said, kneeling down. “How're they doing?”

“We just gave them some medicine so hopefully the fever will break soon but they really should get some actual rest.”

“Agreed. Alright (Y/N), you heard him.” Twilight gently pulls you away from Legend and scoops you up. “Let's get you some rest.”

Twilight started walking away, leaving the others to follow after him.

The spot they had found wasn't far and before long everyone settled down. Wars and Four were watching over you, while the others trying to find something to do.

Legend sat on the other side of their camp. Trying to finally get his feelings under control.

Hyrule came up and sat down next to him. An unnatural smile on his face that Legend was quick to pick up on.

He glared at Hyrule. Waiting for him to say something but was only met with a tense silence.

“Do you need something or are you just gonna sit there being creepy?”

Hyrule was quiet for a moment. Looking Legend up and down.

“Your tunics undone” Hyrule snarked.

Legend's hand shot up. Quickly tieing the collar closed as he pointedly avoided Hyrule's smirk.

“You sure seemed to be enjoying yourself” Hyrule chuckled at the red that spread on his predecessor's face.

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Seriously?” Hyrule deadpans. “It's okay if-”

“Don't. They're sick. That's it.”

Hyrule rolled his eyes but didn't press further. Maybe one day the two would realize what the others already had. Unfortunately for everyone else though it looked like today would not be that day.

[lucygraysboy]

wouldn’t hurt a shrimp. billy can’t refrain from straight up giggling at that wording, loving how accurate it is, how lucy gray stays true to character. he loves playing like this and acting, getting to be someone else for a moment, but the lines keep blurring — the looks that he’s giving her, the way his heart only continues to swell with each praise, his hands and arms itching to touch and hold her… he doesn’t have to fake any of it. it comes naturally to him. it’s all billy, not tristan the pirate prince, or maybe it’s both. “oh, well, then i’m truly lucky to have found you and not some evil mermaid who pries on sailors. we’re both the lucky ones,” he coos, leaning in and using the tip of his nose to bump her shoulder. “no, i don’t think so. i’m a particularly curious person, but it’s partially ‘cause i find you so fascinating.” which once again isn’t just play pretend on his end. “mhm, just to ensure it’ll heal well.” beaming down at her when she allows another kiss, this time, he makes sure to actually press his lips to her wet skin. “mwah!” it barely lasts two seconds, but his heart nearly bursts. her skin so warm and soft beneath his mouth, so sweet and delicate, his whole world shaking. what would he do to kiss her lips like this… “you’re too kind to me, rainmist. are you sure you’re only a mermaid? not an angel?” he muses, experiencing very similar feelings. on one hand, it would be so easy to just close the distance between their lips and give into this burning need to show her how exactly he feels about her. on the other hand, though, she’s not just a random girl from a saloon, and what does he have to offer her? he can’t even offer her his presence. it would be so very selfish of him to make her fall in love with him and then leave, even with the promise to come back in two months time. he loves her, but it’s all happening so fast and his feelings are so very intense that they scare him, too. he’s only ever been with one woman before. alice. but she never made him feel so light and fluttery, so desperate and sick with the mere need to hold her hand. he can’t risk losing lucy gray for a kiss. he can’t have her become just another alice. a stranger. a blurry memory. she deserves so much better. “is that so? fate must have brought us together then. a prince and a princess,” he muses, pulling her into his lap once she coils her slender arm around his neck, his own curling around her small waist. his chest pressed to her back, hand gently squeezing hers. “as a mermaid princess, do you have any special powers?” 

“well, there’s bad people everywhere. even in the sea. there’s sweet mermaids who wouldn’t hurt a shrimp. and there’s some not so good mermaids who could be capable of doing so.” the brunette replies, shaking her head before wiggling her nose as his finger trailing down the slope tickles and causes her to laugh. watching him scoop water over her pretend injury, rainmist laughs again. “are all humans as curious as you?” smiling endearingly, she’d definitely find it super cute if she were a real mermaid. she finds it that way even as a human. “hmmm, for good measure you say?” tapping her chin, brow raises, “okay, if you think it needs it.” smiling in amusement, turning her head to cover her mouth as the laughter spills over. he just wants to do it again for some reason. “you don’t need it…your heart’s royal enough. that makes you a prince in my eyes.” the brunette beams, speaking affectionately. unsure if that’s her mermaid character or herself speaking at this point… oh, it’s definitely both. her cheeks flushing under the late spring sun, butterflies scattering in her chest frantically at their hands and fingers touching. what’s happening and what does she do with this scary feeling? looking at his eyes, she’s masking how badly she wants to look AWAY with a grin and laughter escaping despite the shyness welling in her fawn gaze. the feeling in her chest makes her feel like she’s about to faint. she’s not supposed to really feel these feelings of affection towards him… so fast. and oddly, there’s a grand parallel in it. rainmist has met tristan in a few minutes. and she, lucy gray, has met billy in only a day and it feels like she has known him for a life time. that’s what’s scary about it… because how does someone feel that way? truly? about another human all that quickly. isn’t her mind only playing tricks? maybe she’s just desperate to be loved? maybe he’s desperate to be loved. she’s in disbelief that that’s how soulmates work, when she’s the number one believer in soulmates which doesn’t make sense. convincing herself her mind is just clouded by how he saved her, is honest, and a gentleman and not the callous person she was originally scared of him being. but it’s so intense, it nearly makes her nauseous and feel like tearing away from him and running to put at least twenty feet between them. “that’s my secret… i am a princess. i needed my prince. and— you showed, helped my tail and saved me from getting hurt under that ship.” squeezing his hands, one hand lets go to wrap her arm around his neck, hugging him again for really saving her earlier.