#and then i remembered. the irene dimension

[chiquitin-o]

i actually can’t even begin to tell you how normal i am about mcd dante. “Today of all days when I decided to hold off on patrol there, you came back… Lord Aphmau, I missed you so much" HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS LOYAL WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE. HE WAS THE ONE WHO STAYED. NOT FOR (ROMANTIC) LOVE, NOT TO PROVE SOMETHING, BUT BECAUSE HE WAS DEDICATED TO HER

[aphverse-confessions]

i don’t understand why in some people’s rewrites they ignore the irene dimension arc. that’s probably the most important arc of mcd??? what are you replacing it with??? what are you doing about the nether??? i don’t get it

.

[romeave]

the real reason why mcd zane sucks, from purely a writing standpoint, is that the writers really want him to be a pure evil villian. a force of evil that can not be reasoned with or stopped. absolutely nuance free and unsympathetic no matter how you slice and dice it.

which, would normally be fine, but is a weird choice for zane specifically because the writers keep naturally bringing up ways to give him depth, only to bend over backwards to shut it down once they remember zane is supposed to be cardboard flat for their kid audience to remember he's the bad guy.

and by all the time i do mean all the time. here is a list of roads blocked off by the no development tree that fell across the road:

Zane grew up isolated even by the standards of noble children, as heirs to the O'khasis throne start their training rather young, and, according to accounts about his childhood, Zane preferred to spend his free time alone as opposed to with family. At some point, his father contracted some illness that turns people into asshole tyrants, and began to groom a very impressionable Zane into a good and obedient pawn for him to control on his quest for world domination -> Zane was actually always evil from birth, which makes him immune to trauma. Garte's dickheadness actually only affected the "good" Ro'Meaves, and actually it's Zane's influence that turned Garte into a bad person. Even shit that Garte did long after Zane died are Zane's fault by proxy.

Zane's strained relationship with his brothers are also largely attributed to Zane being evil. Honestly there's a lot I could put here but the most damning one is probably the fact that Zane isn't allowed to talk about his upbringing at all after vaguely mentioning having a dead brother on the docks.

Zane's initially introduced as an ambitious young priest who came to power due to his commitment to his studies. He secretly uses taboo ancient magic that people can't exactly come across if they don't have an obsessive drive to learn about the divines beyond the church's teachings. -> Actually Zane stole everything from "real scholars" and never actually cared about his research outside of what power it could bring him. Apparently he can't even read for himself without a "real scholar" in the room.

Zane's most terrible deeds (Kiki's pendant, Alexis, Falconclaw) were committed in service of opening the Irene dimension. Its implied that some, if not all of the specific deeds needed to open the portal were decided long before Zane ever got his hands on the amulets. -> Each portal-opening crime is treated as its own separate crime, motivated purely by sadism. Falconclaw specifically is referred to as a "horrific mass slaughter Zane had a lot of fun committing", even though everyone involved just painlessly fell over dead

Zane only raises a sword to people to have actively betrayed him. Jeffory betrayed him, the Wolf Tribe was plotting to eat him the next time he showed up, and Garroth committed treason two seperate times and shoved his own sword in Zane's face before Zane tried to kill him about it -> Evidence that Zane is just a bloodthristy killer who would kill his comrades unprompted. His victims are not traitors, but martyrs to his unreasonable wrath

Zane possessed the protector's relic for a period of time. Surely he must've had some reason to hold it -> Zane was entirely undeserving of the relic. He only had it because blood relations.

Despite already having a relic, Zane wants to get Irene's relic -> Exclusively to hoard power! No personal reasons or family reasons or nerd reasons. Just an insanely dangerous and high stakes task done solely to have them all. Like its a pokemon with life steal.

Zane gets turned into a Shadow Knight. Zane used to have an absurd amount of knowledge on the Shadow Knights, lots of shadow knights hate his gay ass, becoming a Shadow Knight is usually pretty traumati--> Zane doesn't feel trauma, duh!! He's actually stronger than ever.

And I know I'm aphblr's foremost Zane dick rider but this isn't a Zane did nothing wrong post its just bad writing. Zane's actions affect so much of the plot its fucking bonkers to give him the depth of an evil sheet of printer paper. Aph's usually pretty good at fleshing out her villians I don't know why the one guy who everyone and their mother has a connection to is just a knife roomba of a man. At the bare minimum he should've been as fleshed out as his brothers because then it'd be a tragic tale about a family being torn apart by a system they benefit from instead of a karma-farming AITAH post set in medival times.

[madcatlad]

Aaron Needs Friends

Having him be aloof and mysterious was cool for the first few adventures, but for the amount of time that Aaron was traveling with Aph he should have been making SOME sort of relationship with her squad. This man was present since BEFORE Garroth was lost to the Irene Dimension. Yet all anyone had to say about him was "I didn't know much about him" "he was a good man". The group didn't even need to know him all that well, or be super close. He didn't need to expose all his secrets or be particularly socialable. But you're telling me that during the span of time that Aaron was around the same people, all the time, risking their lives...and he didn't interact with them on a more personal level? He ONLY interacts with Aphmau. That just isn't human nature.

I vaguely remember multiple characters getting shamed or dismissed for being concerned about his intentions. But looking back that is completely valid! From Aph's perspective, Aaron is a good guy who had proved himself, and doesn't need to explain himself ever. From everyone else's perspective, he is a complete stranger, with vague intentions and questionable goals, who they have know for at least a year in close proximity but goes out of his way (quite literally every single time) to interact with NO ONE but Aphmau.

Suspicious Behavior. That or he seems rude. But their distrust of that kind of put out is not unbased. Especially when his past comes to light, yet he is still no more than a stranger, and shown to be purposefully secretive. Suspicious Behavior. But the cast is supposed to ignore all that because...? "He's a good guy" how would anyone else know that?

I mean he doesn't have to open up to them in great lengths and cry about his tragic life, but by time he died he should have had a surface level relationship with the main gang. More than never knowing jack about him as a person. Training/mentoring with Laurence, amicable acknowledgement with Garroth, maybe teasing flusterable Katelyn. A joke or two outside of Aphmau. Just any amount of relationship outside of Aphmau. Please.

Otherwise his mysteriousness becomes an archetype instead of characterization. And it became more of a hindrance to the story, especially later on.

Having Aaron never build relationships with anyone BUT Aphmau sets him aside in a way that is very odd. Aaron is essentially NOT a character, but a plot point. He only exists to advance the plot, add suspense, or subvert the plot. But he himself had no character- other than grief.

And it especially took away from the significance of his DEATH! When he died the only person really grieving HIM was Aphmau. Everyone was sad for HER. It made so Aph could be sad but - "oh nobody else understands my grief". While Aph was grieving nobody could really grieve with her. It isolated her in a way so jarring and disconnected from the story it felt more like a plot diversion than a plot point. And everyone just continued with their respective plots, yet the STORY had to come to a screeching HALT after Aaron's death because aph was mouring and she is quite literally OUR EYES.

There in lies the problem. NOBODY could mourn for Aaron, because he was a stranger. But HE DIED! He died without ever getting to grow or build new relationships as his story was clearly building up to do. HE DIED with no mourners! What kind of depressing precedent is that?!? "You don't need to grow past your grief, and build new relationships after great lost! You just need to be HOT and (somehow impregnate) the main character! Plot 😃".

What a Lackluster death for a character!! A main character!!! To be mourned by no one. It should have been Aaron's death that brought the story to a halt, the fact that they had lost HIM. Not that Aphmau had lost him.

Aaron's death should have affected the entire cast, or at least the main one who had traveled with him so long! Yet everyone else is allow to move on as they would because essentially they lost nothing.

Yeah, we were all sad when Aaron died as kids. Because Aphmau was sad (that scream was something else). And, yes, Aaron's death was sad. But imagine how devastating it would be if EVERYBODY knew him- to some capacity- if everyone mourned his passing. Imagine how much more significance it would bring to his SACRIFICE.

Aaron was a man with nothing to lose from DAY ONE. BUT HE STAYED THAT WAY! He never grew! What kind of sacrifice is it for a man with nothing to live for, no mortal ties, to sacrifice his life.

It dumbs down his death to in essence, achieve his ONLY goal in life: revenge, and make his girlfriend-not-girlfriend happy.

He A STRANGER. Not because HE necessarily wanted Garroth back, but because Aphmau wanted Garroth back. It doesn't work well. Aaron should have sacrificed himself for Garroth because HE wanted to, because HE cared for Garroth.

It objectified him in a sense. His decisions- his world revolves around Aphmau, and only her? (And Zane strangely enough). He has free will but his choices like agency, desire, depth. He's a means to and end, hardly a character. He experienced no growth, no change, no discomfort.

He only experienced pain and Aphmau. Tragic.

[mangotelevision]

I love to think that the real reason the members of the jury have to renounce their family and their past isn't because of some oath they take, no it's because when they take the power of the jury they start to lose who they once were. They forget those that they used to hold dear because of the powers their jury form lends them. They don't intend to forget and it's not instant, it's slow and gradual. Overtime it'll just feel like a dream, becoming unsure if there was anyone ever there to begin with.

This theory very heavily ties back in with Katelyn, why after the Irene dimension she wasn't too quick to go searching for her family, because at that point she had forgotten who they were a long time ago. She's no longer a member of the jury, no longer influenced by this memory fog. But it still lingers, throughout her time with aphmau and laurance she starts to remember little things, she knows there were people, those who she cared about. But she can't remember their names, who they were, who they wanted to be. She remembers feelings. It's why when she talks about her family in the later season she's so inconsistent, because she doesn't remember and it bothers her that she might never remember

[sillybillyguysyall]

I genuinely love Irene, from the little we know about her it paints such an interesting story.

Irene knows no love, and I love that about her.

Love has so far damned her, she was in love with Shad and in turn Shad was in love with her. Despite that, there was no peace for they always fought, Shad being the antithesis to Irene. She tried everything, but nothing worked to stop destruction. Then you had Kul’zak and Esmund who were also in love with, but presumably she didn’t love them back. That probably destroyed her from the inside out. Irene doesn’t love because love is the reason why everything went wrong. Irene most likely genuinely wants to help everyone, that’s what she set out to do in the beginning. Though the care that she displayed is exact reason of her down fall.

The same exact thing is happening with Aphmau in MCD. Aphmau may or may not be in love with Garroth and/or Laurance in the beginning. That isn’t important, what is that this loved caused most of later events of season one to happen. Laurance likely wouldn’t have become a shadow knight ( probably debatable.) Garroth most likely wouldn’t have given into Zane. There is also an argument to be made that he might’ve not stayed behind, but I think he would’ve since he is “the Protector.” Then in season two love costed Aaron’s life, leaving Aphmau alone with their child. Love is costing Aphmau people, and it’s a really just a ticking time bomb until she breaks.

Her conversation with Alexis about love is really telling (I don’t remember the episode, but it’s season two near the beginning.) Its about people loving them, but not knowing what to do. Alexis expresses her feelings and how she fell out of liking Malachi and Levin romantically. Though a reason for this is it becoming too much. This parallels Garroth and Laurance, Aphmau expressing a similar sentiment. Aphmau is overwhelmed with love and it shows. She doesn’t know what to do with it, and lets it run it’s course ( feel free to disagree with me on this, I might’ve missed a lot.)

If season three was finished I like to be believe that it would end with Aphmau losing her ability to love just like Irene did. After killing or possibly reincarnating Shad she would lock herself back in the Irene dimension. Explains why she disappeared after awhile as her daughter Aline explained.

All this to say is that I believe that Irene has put herself in a constant loop of falling in and out of love. Then eventually losing all of her emotions in the process. Irene’s origins are already murky to begin with, and I’d like to believe that she had a past before Irene. Perhaps she even had more, which all ended the same way. Everyone around her loving her, but this love causing destruction. It’s a constant cycle as Irene tries to find a time where she can love and it won’t cause destruction. It’s tragic and that’s why I love it, Irene as much as she cannot feel, she desires to.

That’s my silly little interpretation of Irene :) I probably missed a lot of things since it’s been like 3 years since I’ve watched the series, but binge watching will be great. Oh and I also might be wrong on a lot of this. Also second disclaimer I did not watch MyStreet in full.

[cinnamontoastcroonch]

@xerith-42 ask and you shall receive

Angst & The Horrors™️

- laurance (and other SKs) who are quite often heavy smokers (whatev those ru’aunians got) because of its ability to take the edge off of their frayed nerves, but also because the smoke in their lungs feels reminiscent of breathing in the nether atmosphere, and that makes their subconscious miss it a little less.

they either appreciate it or hate it for that reason

- garroth who remembers his moments with his father like the back of his hand, and who remembers smelling that same smoke around him. being pissed when (around s1, prob after dante joins) he smells that familiar smell on laurance, urging and urging him to drop the habit. laurance avoids explaining why he does it for a while; until he can’t take it anymore, and the next time garroth says something to him about it, he breaks and spits his reasoning out like venom.

- laurance who quits. he does this after that last confrontation, when he can’t forgive himself for his attitude towards garroth, so he apologizes by trying.

- laurance who picks it up again in secret when the calling gets worse, while garroth is trapped in the irene dimension. garroth who returns and immediately notices; and he’s pissed. until he can’t bring himself to be angry, because he can see now how terribly laurance has been doing mentally.

- laurance who hates how dead he feels. how he can breathe but it’s never with purpose, how he hears a sickening rattle from his lungs the angrier he gets, as if to remind him that breathing is of no use to him anymore.

- laurance who can’t stand the bone-deep cold of his skin. who apologizes when he brushes hands with someone, because ‘oh god they can feel how cold i am, i’m not human anymore and they can feel it’

- laurance who thought he’d never hear that haunting ancient language of the nether again when he escaped; he’d never see it written again and it would be locked away in his memory; only to one day discover it in an old tome in emmalyns collection. he suddenly can’t think, or even pretend to breathe, and all at once his body feels like a husk as his soul slips in with that haunting tongue, and he has to get away from that book. he can hear the words swimming in his mind like a cruel song, and he’s terrified. “where did you find this”, but he is gone in a flurry before he even hears her answer.

[goat-guy-tm]

Welcome to me trying to build a proper timeline of the events in the Aphverse in my rewrite, aka me sharing something I remembered about my rewrite;

A way my rewrite differs greatly is that Laurence isn't knocked out by Garroth at the end of season 1, because their dynamic in my rewrite would make that, really out of character for him (they are unofficially married by like mid way through season 1). Laurence ends up being part of the group that gets blasted to the Irene dimension, but, something strange happens.

Laurence instead ends up waking up in a strange forest, and the first person he finds is this strange kid covered in completely black burns.

When being forced through dimensions, Laurence instead tumbles out into Void Paradox, giving him an wven bigger reason to be hell bent on returning to the OverWorld, because for all he knows Garroth, Aphmau and the others could be dead, or even lost in their own random realms.

It's also kind of Enki's (Travis' mom) fault. Being the not really designated but designated realms protector she also basically oversees all transportation between realms, and of course seeing such a large group of people going from the OverWorld to Irene's dimension makes her freak out a little and accidentally plucked Laurence out of there and threw him to Modzilla.

I realize saying "Yeah Travis' mom is an ethereal realms overseer between worlds in the vacuum of non existance physically fighting off the void" without context of this post <SO TURNS OUT I NEVER POSTED SAID POST I WAS TRYING TO REFRENCE, SO LOOK OUT FOR THA :[]

[dilucsfavorite]

I never understood why Levin cared so much for aph post-irene dimension. Like, kids that young do not have the best of memories, like aph would be a vague memory to Levin.

Like yeah Malachi and Zoey would tell him about her but that doesn't mean he remembers or know her. Garroth too for that matter since Levin was close with him as well.

I think that it was simply such a big plot hole, AND it could have been such a big angst opportunity to make the 15 years gone by and her son doesn't remember her, but she does.

[gaybae1021]

Day 22: Headcanon

Tricky prompt, as I’d say 90% of my work is based off headcanon. So I picked something I haven’t written or drawn anything about: Shadow knight Cadenza.

Didn’t like the whole chicken thing, it felt like tonal whiplash considering what happens to Laurance. So Cadenza was just kidnapped normally for witnessing Sasha killing Lord Jon.

When they found Cadenza, she remembered seeing Sasha, but very little after that. She felt different, but she mainly focused on losing her little brother. Once he came back, she just kind of tucked away whatever happened to her.

It was only when Laurance was lost in the Irene dimension that she started getting worse. Luckily, she met Vincent around that time, who figured out she was a shadow knight and helped her learn to control it. Through meditating with him she was able to remember what happened.

When Cadenza came across Sasha she was incredibly unstable. She was still a halfing at that point, and had just killed the person closest to her, so she was already losing control. So when Cadenza tried to approach her, she lashed out. Cadenza fell hard, and didn’t get back up.

Not fully herself, Sasha took Jon and Cadenza back to the nether to turn them. Jon’s body didn’t accept the change, but Cadenza’s did.

Ultimately, being a shadow knight doesn’t affect Cadenza’s life much. It was just Sasha who wanted to bring her back as a twisted form of care, not Shad. She’s emotionally strong and quite skilled, but she’s not a fighter, so wouldn’t serve any purpose in Shad’s army. So the calling doesn’t affect her as bad as someone like Laurance. But I think it’s nice that it ties them together, and leads well into Vincent trying to help Laurance the same way.

[mouchiiarts]

Okay I kinda wanna ramble about my "cosmic dragon au" as I'm dubbing it.

It's technically an au of my Mystreet rewrite however it is tied to @roxxie-spirt MCD rewrite. So, I recommend reading her lore about the divine warriors to kind of get an idea about my cracked au lol.

So, to start, all magic originally came from this primordial cosmic dragon named Mithora. She was originally from the Wyvern Dimension but her magic was so potent, it had been seeping into the overworld for centuries. She's an incredibly old dragon who is/was worshiped as a deity of magic (mostly by witches and such). When the wyverns came over, followed by Mithora who they recognized as their queen, many of the Divine Warriors became nervous. They, of course, began their wyvern hunting spree. Realizing Mithora would be a far more dangerous threat than the wyverns, they befriended her, intent on tricking her. To Mithora, she actually became very close friends with the Divine Warriors. Mithora was eventually betrayed by the DW, a special arrow of poison striking her heart. Although the poison didn't kill her (kinda difficult to insta kill a being as powerful as the source of all magic) it did permanently wound her. She was banished from the overworld via a portal spell and sealed away within her own dimension, unable to escape. The spell chaining her to the dimension would eventually wear off, but by the time it would, she'd be on death's doorstep.

Now for the actual character stuff; in this au, all of the mys characters are reincarnations of their MCD counterparts. This was done via intervention on Aphmau/Irene's behalf when she approached each of her friends (and enemies) when they died. She essentially offered them a second chance at life, although they would not remember anything of their previous life. When this happened and Aph stored the souls of the people who'd accepted her offer in the Irene dimension, Mithora was able to sneak into the Irene dimension while Aph was away. She chose Zane to be the next dragon and to take her place when her magic eventually ran out. She did this, not only because she was sympathetic towards Zane, who'd been robbed of his ties to magic as a half witch, but also as a big fat middle finger to Esmund who'd been the one to first kill a wyvern and the one who'd broken her heart by betraying her. (Mithora did have feelings for him but never mentioned them out of courtesy of his feelings towards Irene).

Well, because of Mithora's marking, Mys Zane ended up being very magically talented, even more than most children his age. By the time S3 rolls around, he's comfortable with his witch heritage and has tutored under Lucinda for some time. It's in s4 (so this would replace what happens in Emerald Secret) where Zane takes up the mantle of the new dragon.

Mithora, on her last ember of life, comes to Zane and explains what she has tutored him to do. (He's had dreams about her since he was a child and she'd teach him various things about magic). I imagine it would be this dramatic moment of Zane being called into the snowy woods, the snowstorm protecting him as he enters the woods but keeping the others away until it's over. So, he accepts, taking up the mantle and protecting magic. This is extra important because magic sustains nearly every facet of their world. Magic would also become far more powerful once Zane takes over since he'd essentially be restoring it to its original strength before the poison overtook Mithora and drained her of her magic.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk. I'll post more about my au when I have more lore to talk about hehe

[spiriiitt]

Okay so like I have no clue how to colour work coloured pencils, and the ones I have I got in a free art box for disadvantaged kids like 4 years ago so they're terrible terrible, but YOU SEE THE VISION RIGHT????

This post is just going to be me ramblings about the world building I've done so far for it, mostly on meifwas and Aphmau

Aph appears in the forest and follows vylad wtvr, doesn't remember anything yada yada yada we KNOW HOW MCD WORKS I just have to workshop it in the mlp logic and shit.

Aphmau has an abnormally long, curved horn, one that is often associated with powerful magicks users, however much longer. However, aph does not remember how to use her magicks when she shows up to Phoenix drop, at least not for a while. Her markings make villagers think she may be a zebra for a second, but they do not resemble theirs in the slightest and rather are not something recognisable to a species or any modern cultures they know of in the village. Her marks extend up her horn and follow where wings would stem from on her torso

Emmalyn does not recognise them either, and is very fascinated by aphmau's horn, however is very aggressive towards her, especially upon seeing hr cutie mark. Her cutie mark is rather dull and almost blends in with aphmau's coat, but it is the symbol of Irene. Emmalyn isn't quite sure of why, but as a dedicated Irene scholar she has reasons to believe it means she may be a closer, but not close, descendant of Irene, or may be destined (or formally was before she showed up at Phoenix drop) to be a powerful Irene priestess or scholar. However she also believes it may mean Aphmau has the heart of irene- the metaphorical heart, as in she is bound to live a similar, though not as important, life Irene did in helping people and trying to bring peace, as Irene had become synonymous with peace and aid by this point in time, so the forming of her symbol as a cutie mark didn't seem impossible in the grand scheme of things to Emmalyn. However, Emmalyn was jealous of the fact Aphmau had the Irene symbol on her, as someone who knew, or could not remember, nothing about Irene.

In saying that, a pony had not been seen before with the symbol of a god or divine warriors before.

Aphmau probably gets her wings when she has her first Irene transformation thing, or maybe when she GOES to the Irene dimension.. idk I have to rewatch mcd when I have time but I'll get back to the rest of it all.

obviously yk horns and wings or none at all, ponies have em or they don't and they DO vary depending on type of horse! Yk, like meifwa, werewolf, etc etc witches and warlocks yk yk, shadow knights, elves I could go on but I also can't BC idk what else there is.

generally meifwa have thicker horns but they're a bit shorter and curve kind of like a cat's claw does, but upwards, and are very sharp! They're also very powerful generally, and horn embellishments are a large part of their culture for the everyday pony. Some meifwa don't have horns, some have wings or are just earth ponies, but as a culture and type of pony their wings are generally much better for gliding and softening falls, very much like a cat being able to take falls very well, but they aren't very powerful for everything else (though they can still fly obvi) They can glide fast as their wings are very thin so they are very aerodynamic and cut through the air easily.

In general, meifwa have thinner limbs and bodies for agility, and their manes and tails are generally very slick and thin, and braids are considered an art and sign of status depending on the amount.

Mostly very colourful but in duller shades of said colours, thought dye to make it brighter is common, especially among young and/or very powerful ponies.

Their ears are also much sharper and point much more forward, though do not have much fur on them compared to other pony species/idfk what to call it.

Many different unique coats and coat markings can be found within them, and different coats are associated with different families and classes.

Their snouts are also shorter.

I WILL WORK ON WEREWOLVES AND WITCHES L A T E R

🤩🤩

[mac-audcheese]

so i’ll probs draw this later but i came up w some things for the garroth levin hc mkayy

so i don’t remember who said garroth would be levins dad but their idea was the old lords wife was lonely and sought comfort in garroth, leading to an affair that resulted in levin

i think when aphmau found levins mom, she actually told her levin was the father hoping they could have some relationship (side eye), so when aphmau returned, she told garroth and zoey but no one else so the villagers didn’t see them as a couple. garroth would have a hard time processing this as he has no memories of the last lord but would happily accept levin as a son. despite having to keep it a secret he’d absolutely adore taking care of him, happy to have a real son esp after zenix runs away.

unfortunately after the whole betrayal thing, no one has any idea garroth was at fault, so they all imagined him to be a fallen hero along with the group that disappeared with him. levin would grow up to admire garroth, even more so once zoey revealed that he was his father, swelling levin with pride that his parents had been so beloved by everyone. he’d work so hard to be just like garroth - attempting his sword techniques, having similar personality traits, protecting his loved ones to the best of his abilities just to imagine how proud garroth would feel if he’d seen him following in his footsteps.

this would not last forever, of course, after aphmau comes back from the irene dimension 15 years later. almost as soon as he’d see aphmau walking through the rebuilt village of phoenix drop, levin would ask where garroth was as well. aphmau, not yet processing all that has happened, would shakily explain the situation to her family, more so trying to make sense of it all than ruin fantasies, and would in turn absolutely shake levin to his core. how could his idol, his father, have done this to his mom and everyone around him? how could he ruin so many lives, just because his mom didn’t feel the same way?

levin would be sick, this would violate his entire being. for a long time i don’t even think he could look in the mirror without seeing the man who took away his entire childhood. who was he? i think this would prompt him to change his entire identity, from his hair to his morals, just so he didn’t have to feel like that monster. he’d like to be more like aphmau, but levin doesn’t even know her, only stories zoey had told him since childhood that gave him some sort of comfort in identity. except now, he can’t relate to either of his parents in any sort of way, completely stripping the hopes and dreams he once had.

in the end i think the only people he’d truly consider family would be zoey and malachi, as they were the only two to be there for him when he needed it. even with his real mom back in his life she’d still venture off and leave him alone a lot, so instead of letting this hurt him, he’d silently cut her off to keep peace of mind. malachi and zoey would definitely disagree with this, but they can both understand where he’s coming from enough to let him make this decision. aphmau would have no knowledge and never would, just to keep her from trying too hard patch things up for his sake only. and garroth would be,,, absolutely dead to them. all of them.

shoutout to @laurencezvahlslefteyebrow for coming up w the garroth dad thing, i’m sure other ppl have brought it up before but their post so opened my eyes

[stareaterreads]

Private Rites

Book: Private Rites by Julia Armfield

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

You can almost feel the ever-constant rain pit-pattering on your brain as you read.

At my age, as young as my early twenties, I’ve spent much of my life being told the world is heading toward certain doom. Even in a state as red as the summer setting sun, so deep in denial of our weather’s fluctuations despite having more hurricanes with extreme behaviors, freezes deep enough to destroy our pipes never designed for this kind of winter, and hitting heat records earlier and later in the year than ever before.

The climate is a topic many people are very passionate about, yet it’s one I’ve heard become quieter amidst louder conversations. Many readers within my circles know I’m pretty loud about LGBTQIA+ rights, and it’s the subject I speak the most on (particularly because it’s the one I’m most knowledgeable on). Of course, color me fascinated the moment I was offered an ALC (Advanced Listener’s Copy) of Private Rites. I have had her book Our Wives Under the Sea on my radar for a while, and still fully intend to read it. When I read the blurb, I dove headfirst in.

As a first impression, Hannah van der Westhuysen’s voice felt like a wind blowing through your hair before lifting you off your feet and straight for the ground to start off the audiobook. I mean that in the best possible way, because I was immediately intrigued in the dreary and somber mood their tone sets. Their narrating through the whole book is done well with subtle changes in the perspective shifts between the three sisters to help differentiate each character. The cadence and huskiness in which they read creates a fantastic atmosphere for the book to be set within.

The story itself is a reimagining of King Lear, where the three sisters - Isla, Irene, and Agnes - are left with the loss of their callous and cold father among a world slowly drowning in a gentle, endless rain. While the three are navigating this not-so-sudden death and their estranged relationship with one another, they also struggle with the frayed ends of their lives, whether it be a love breaking away, a love that refuses to be let go, and a love just begun. The tension only makes them grow further apart as the will of their well-known architect of a father reveals favor to one sister over the other two.

Each of the characters, including the sisters and their partners, are written with a depth that makes them feel real. The issues they struggle with, their anxieties and worries, their anger and stress, all gives them dimension that I could imagine them as people I could have met in passing, with lives beyond the eyes of a stranger.

You can almost feel the pitter-patter of the never stopping rain on your brain from the moment you begin this book and weeks after you’ve finished it.

Julia Armfield has made a masterpiece of climate fiction. Van der Westhuysen delivers a breathtaking performance in this audiobook and will definitely be on my radar in the future. (Add. note: Fun fact! They acted in the Fate: The Winx Saga on Netflix! I haven’t watched it, but I thought that was a cool fact. I will always remember them first for this audiobook though, appreciatively). I would highly recommend this to anyone else with an eye out for either a speculative climate fiction book or a modern retelling of King Lear dripping with raindrops.

For those who, like 5% of the population and myself, who struggle with Seasonal Depression (or any other form of mood disorder), please get yourself some water and a more cheerful book to recover from this review. It may be difficult in this period to self-care, but please remember that if anything is worth doing, it is worth being done half-way. Treat yourself like you would a dear friend.

In any case, I want to thank Libro.fm and Macmillan Audio for gifting me this ALC through Libro’s bookseller program and my job as a bookseller. I also want to thank both Julia Armfield and Hannah van der Westhuysen for bringing this amazing queer climate fiction to life for the world to admire and appreciate. Last but not least, I thank you, dear reader, for reading and patiently supporting my blog, and I remind you that in this vast and sometimes lonely universe, you matter so much to me. Take care of yourself and don’t forget your meds and hydration! Until next time, I’ll be reading!

If you’re interested in this book, buy it from one of these links here! Bookshop.org - Barnes & Noble - Libro.fm [audiobook] or from your local bookstore! If you'd like to support my personal favorite bookstore, buy it from Katy Budget Books!

To bring up the downcast mood this review presents, I have this afternote for my fellow catastrophisers that need a pick-me-up to wrap the book review burrito better.

Even in what can feel like the dreary outlook of this world, there have been many monumental efforts made to bettering it and signs those efforts are working; in the past year or so alone, we have seen loggerhead turtles making a comeback in population based on an increase in their nesting population, renewable energy is projected to be on a big rise in several states and countries across the globe, and deforestation in Colombia and in the Amazon Rainforest have reached their lowest level in a substantial period. There is good news out there, it just takes a bit of effort to find compared to the doomsday posting social media algorithms tend to push. I personally like to look at OneTreePlanted's positive environmental stories posts when I'm looking for some good news about the world (which is where I found most of the above news as it made me smile) - plus, looking it up on your preferred search engine should produce some results, too.

[demisofphoenixdrop]

Emmalyn is one of the people who goes to the Irene Dimension. Nana is not. That is fifteen years of life gone by. Moving on, changing. Even if Nana is single when they finally return, gods Enmalyn would be nothing but a bittersweet memory. A lost love. And here she is in the flesh and gods. Gods she looks exactly the same. As if she was plucked right out of Nana’s memories. And the thing is...that’s not a good thing. Nana is fifteen years older. She has changed and grown and she is not the Nana Emmalyn remembers. That Emmalyn knows. But she is the Emmalyn Nana knows. And gods what a divide that is. She is not the woman Emmalyn loves, and Emmalyn is the woman Nana loved (and oh boy just imagine throwing in married to Dante, or to keep it sapphic mayhaps Lucinda, with a whole ass daughter)

You...

I like you.

[vaexna]

hello everyone . i've been wanting to draw so so so bad but the end of the semester is next week for me and as the dumb college student i am, i decided to cram everything into my brain last minute... so here we are.

but!!! instead, here something i've written !! it's very much about zane and religion because uhhhhhh yeah :D

disclaimer: i didn't proofread. i'm too busy lazy to. thank u for coming to my ted talk <3 if it sounds dumb it's because i'm dumb . it's 1am, and i had the very aggressive urge to write about this dude so here we are, and uhhh my bad LOL

— under the cut ☆ (mwahaha I FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO THIS!!)

If there's one thing he could stand by, without doubt or fleeting conviction, it's the fact that he's seen it all. Pyres and caskets, offerings and tombstones. He's been to small churches in the back of tight-knit towns, made of wood and the faith of believers. And he's been to massive cathedrals in the heart of vast kingdoms, intricately made of limestone and the blood of overworked architects that'll die without an ounce of recognition.

He's seen homes fall and villages rise. He's seen sinners look to him for help, or for the idea that they'll be saved if they begged hard enough. He's seen believers wearing their hearts on their sleeves, a bigger evil looming over their shoulders, their hopeful smiles bright as they greet him.

Sinners disguised as saints. Saints broken down by sinners. People who claim to be neutral, others who don't hold faith in their hearts anymore, some who couldn't find faith no matter how hard they tried or wanted to.

As the High Priest of O'khasis, he's seen just about everything. And after so many years of the light shining in his favor, the line between good and evil blurred in his eyes. Some days, he'll find himself teetering back and forth, trying to figure out if there's meaning to being such a high-standing man in a world where bloodshed is just another means to get by.

Love and hate, sin and faith, matrons and destroyers, what good is any of it when death is not an 'if' but 'when'? He knew life and death like he knew the back of his hand, it surrounded him in all of its glorious forms. He's seen it in his brothers, along with his mother's anguish. In the baptisms and weddings he's been invited to perform, with the death of the past and the birth of better days.

Oh, he's seen it all.

So on rainy days like this, it always came back to the question: Was it worth it? Was it worth the grievances and the anger? The sacrifices and the pain? He's made it this far, something ought to come out of this. Not even his brothers, Irene bless their souls, could reach the heights he's towered over.

Yes, of course, there had to be something at the end of this. It just wasn't time yet— No, the better days he was promised since the dawn of time, since the blessings of his birth, it'll all come soon. Or, one day at least.

It couldn't all be in vain. The lives he reaped couldn't be in vain, the paths he destroyed could not have all been in vain. His name would be remembered forever, a mark in history, he had to be something more. Regret and guilt were things he could overlook for the sake of the man he'll be in the future.

He knew relying on hope wasn't a Ro'meave custom, though. That's why he did what he did — his father taught him that if he wanted something, he had to get it himself. And if someone were to ask, "Zane, what do you want?"

His answer would've been long and descriptive at first. Something that of world peace, or blessings given by Irene herself. But these days, he preferred something much more simple.

"Power."

He's lived and learned.

When the light that shone through carefully colored mosaics kissed his skin, he was sure there had to be a God out there to gift the world such beauty. But when whispers passed around of a greater power lurked in the dimension of a long gone warrior, the idea of being a Godlike man himself tasted sweeter than whatever else he was promised in this lifetime.

The line between good and evil was nonexistent to him—he took advantage of both just to get what he desired. What he deserved. He was a self-proclaimed epiphany, and amongst normal men, Zane Ro'meave was both life and death.

Was it worth it?

After all of this effort, he made sure it was.

— ★

ps. would u guys be interested in both art & writing of mine,,,, i do snippets like these in my free time (when i procrastinate) so like i'd be down to show 'em off if u guys are cool with it...

also one of the paragraphs is like weird in here idk it kept getting deleted so i kept having to rewrite it bc it was too good to scrap and i. just gave up. the text is different for that singular paragraph.

ok thanks for reading this im going to bed goodbye goodnight