#and then i got in bed and had 2 get up because i felt like i was dying and nearly threw up SO

[lowkeyerror]

Always, I'm With You

Yelena Belova x Reader

Word Count: 10k

Notes: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, fluff, FULL THUNDERBOLTS* SPOILERS, Happy Ending, mentions of torture, Hydra, cannon typical violence, possible ooc, (Tell me if I miss something I'll add it)

Summary: Your relationship with Yelena has been littered with challenges, but there isn't anything that you can't face together.

An: The summary is shit but I don't want to give too much away. So I implore you to trust me because I swear this delivers. Also its my civic duty to notify the masses that Ao3 is down rn.

Masterlist | Masterlist 2

Yelena had always been the optimist of your relationship. She was a beacon of light that was ever glowing. No matter the trauma she suffered, she held her chin high and kept a smile on her face.

She had pulled you out of the darkness more times than you could remember. Every time you began drowning in your past, she was there to remind you of the present. You were no longer alone, you’d never be alone again, because you had her.

You weren’t prepared for the day when her light was snuffed out. Life had already been so unnecessarily cruel to her, but you had never seen her broken like this. The universe put Natasha in her path for a tenth of a second. It gave her the family that she spent years chasing and then snatched it so ruthlessly.

When the blip happened, you were with her. One minute you were sitting on the counter watching her wash her face and the next she was gone. You were hysterical. The panic was instant, it felt like someone had a death grip on your heart.

The first thing you did was call Natasha. You rambled on the phone, incoherent to most, but Natasha had known why you were calling. How could she not, when she was watching the same thing happen to the people on the battlefield?

She got to you as quickly as she could. You weren’t in good shape when she got to you. In your mind you were ready. You needed to get justice, revenge, something that would fill the hole left by Yelena’s absence.

When what was left of the Avengers killed Thanos, you were there. You had felt how empty the act was. How meaningless it all felt. With your beacon of light gone nothing felt worth it anymore.

You wanted to go off on your own. Maybe just walk into the ocean never to be seen again, but Natasha wouldn’t allow it. She kept you close to her though for a long time you were useless, empty without Yelena in your life. You ached for her. You saw her everywhere you looked. She was on the couch with a bowl of mac and cheese, she was on the counter playing with her knife, she was in bed with her arms open for you to climb into. Then you’d blink and she’d be gone just as quick.

Your past became more haunting without her. You started to think about all of the sins you committed while you were brainwashed by Hydra. They had kidnapped you somewhere in the early 2000’s injecting you with their version of the super soldier serum. You did unthinkable things. Some you could never forgive yourself for. Yelena was the one to free you of the mind control. You’d stuck with her ever since then. She was the only person capable of making you feel like you weren’t a monster. Now she was gone. All your mind did was bounce between memories of her and your brainwashed past. It was a torturous loop that you couldn’t escape.

Natasha let you grieve. She didn’t pressure you to help her with hero work. She didn’t force you to come out of your room to socialize. All she wanted from you was to see you eat at least twice a day. She’d talk and you’d listen, not saying much back.

One day when you came down for dinner you saw her at the table with her head in her hands, a bottle of Russian vodka perched by her elbows. It was nearly half empty.

You sat across from her silently. She lifted her head up to look at you. Her eyes were bloodshot, but you couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol or the tears.

“You two are so alike sometimes that it scares me.”

You can see Natasha morphing into her younger sister right before your eyes. There wasn’t a problem that vodka couldn’t outrun. At least that’s what Yelena said on her worst days.

“I miss her too, you know? I had- I just got her back,” more tears well in her eyes. “I found a family with the Avengers and now I have nothing left to show of it. Then right after I found the closest thing to blood relatives I have it gets stolen from me. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not missing someone.”

You try to find some words of comfort, “I was never good at this, but your sister was. This hopeful glow that you couldn’t help but follow. She’d probably say something about not giving up so easily, it’d be a half-joke. Then she’d probably say something like the world will always need heroes like you. People that continuously sacrifice for the sake of humanity.”

“And are you a hero?”

Natasha shoots the question at you.

You reach for the bottle of vodka, taking a large swig, “I was whatever she needed me to be. Sometimes a hero, sometimes less than that, but never evil.”

“Malicious?”

You shrug, “On occasion.”

She laughs through her tears, “I’m glad she had you when I wasn’t around.”

You shake your head, “It’s the other way around. She taught me how to stay afloat. I leaned on her for support for so many things. Without her, I just feel myself falling into the void. How can anything I do be worth it, if she’s not here?”

She places her hand on top of yours, “I’m not going to give up until she’s back, until they’re all back.”

Natasha meant it. You could tell she believed with her entire being. She had never been an optimist, often grounded in unobjectionable truths. You couldn’t tell if it was desperation or just another way she had become like her sister.

You started being useful that day.

Rather than letting Natasha carry all of the weight and responsibility, you let her give some of it to you. You started thinking like her. You had to see Yelena again, you’d do whatever it took just to see her one more time.

When the opportunity to rewrite history came about, you were vexed that it appeared in the form of Scott Lang. He was annoying, but without him there wasn’t a chance the remaining Avengers would’ve reformed. Natasha had called upon them many times, but they’d only seemed to care about the big one.

“Natasha.”

You have this pit in your stomach that won’t go away. You aren’t fond of this plan, of everyone splitting up. Maybe you’d feel better if you were going with Natasha and Clint, but you weren’t.

“Y/n, I know-"

You don’t let her finish her sentence. You wrap your arms around her. You’re squeezing her tightly with your eyes shut.

“Be safe,” is what you say initially as you let go of her.

“I love you too, kid. If something happens…”

You shake your head, “No. You’re going to come back here, for Yelena.”

Natasha’s smile is bittersweet, “I will do what I can.”

You shake your head once again, “Not good enough. Promise me, promise me you’ll come back. We’re going to do this together. Nat, she has to come home to the both of us.”

She pulls you into her embrace again, she kisses the crown of your head, “I promise.”

She lied.

“Where is she?”

Clint couldn’t look you in the eye. He tossed the stone to Tony and tried to walk away. You grabbed him by the shoulder, so he was face to face with you.

“Clint,” your voice was stern.

You could see the tears welling in his eyes even though he avoided your gaze, “You have to trade a soul for the stone. I tried- I tried, but she was always better than me.”

Your grip on his shoulder only tightened as you felt your knees buckle. You refused to believe him, “She promised.”

Clint tried to hug you, but you shoved him away, “None of you would even be here without her. You all gave up, turned your back on the world. You took your ball and went home and now you’re here and she’s not. This is bullshit. You already owed her so much and she gave her life up for you pieces of shit.”

Bruce threw a bench, “We cared about her too.”

“Funny way of showing it,” you countered him.

The Hulk got in your face, the team tried to step between you two, “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

“I thought you were always angry,” you shot back at him.

“Now is not the time for this,” Steve interjected.

You scoffed, “Fuck off Steve. Yelena got blipped right in front of me. I thought I lost everything, but I still had Natasha. Now I don’t have either of them because of this stupid fucking team. I’m alone all over again.”

“We’re going to get Yelena back,” Tony chimed in.

You chuckled bitterly, tears now streaming down your face, “Fantastic, and the first thing I have to tell her is that her sister is gone forever. They had just found each other. Fuck.”

Your legs gave out from underneath you. Any arguments that you had stopped as sobs violently struck you. Your body folded in on itself.

The men stared at you, but Clint was the first one to move again. He wrapped his arms around you, but you didn’t shove him off this time. You allowed him to hold you. The only thing you managed to say was ‘she promised' over and over again.

When you couldn’t cry anymore, his grip didn’t falter.

“She told me that you have to be strong for Yelena like you were strong for her. She couldn’t have done this without you.”

“How can I do this without her?”

He was slow to stand, his hand stretched out, “You do it for her instead. Don’t let her sacrifice be for nothing.”

You took his hand.

In the midst of battle, sweat dripping down your dirt-stained face, you couldn’t help, but wonder if you’d die here. If you’d go out a hero, fighting against a mad titan’s army.

Somewhere between the 9th and 13th enemy you take down, you realize you can’t die. Yelena would come back to no one. Well she’d have Alexei, but would he be able to save her from herself?

When the portals opened, you felt a little relieved. Any help was welcomed in your mind. The people who disappeared were back, and you wondered if she was too.

It was somber when it was all said and done, but you didn’t need to stick around for a reunion.

“I can get you to her,” Stephen Strange offered.

You didn’t ask any questions, instead you gave him a curt nod. He opened a portal and you stepped right through.

The last time you were in this apartment, Natasha was basically dragging you out of it. Your protests fell on deaf ears as you tried to stay here. It wouldn’t have been good for you, surrounded by things that reminded you of Yelena.

You hear the rummaging around before you see her. Your heart thuds in your chest, and you curse your legs for not being able to move.

When she comes charging down the hallway. Your breath catches. Five long years, you’ve waited for this moment.

She almost doesn’t recognize you, pulling out her weapon. When she gets closer, she begins to analyze you.

Older, eyes more tired, new lines across your forehead, different hair. It was hard to tell with all the dirt and debris of battle all over you.

“Yelena.”

She can hear how broken you are. So she doesn’t stop you when you surge forward, holding onto her like she would vanish out of thin air.

You shake in her arms whispering against her skin, the same thing over and over, “I’m sorry.”

She backs away only enough to hold your face in her hands, “What happened?”

You attempt to take a deep breath, but wince. Yelena finds a cut on the side of your suit. Gently she presses it and you groan.

“Tell me after I patch you up.”

She drags you along, trying to pull you into the restroom. You stop outside and shake your head, “Bedroom.”

Yelena furrows her brows, but she grabs the first aid out of the bathroom, before following you to the bedroom.

The cut on your side is nastier than you would’ve thought. It takes her a while to tend to the wound. When she finished the cut is in a better state, but you aren’t. All you can do is stare at her.

She asks you to tell her again. You finally pull your eyes away from her’s, instead focusing on your hands. You tell her everything, from the moment she disappeared until now.

“My sister,” everything else seems of little importance to Yelena.

You can’t look at her, “I’m so sorry.”

She takes your hand, intertwining your fingers, “It’s not your fault.”

Your lip begins to quiver, “Stop.”

“Y/n, look at me.”

“I have to be strong,” you say it more to yourself than her.

“Detka, please,” Yelena pleads with you.

Your teary eyes meet her’s. It breaks you to see her like this. You open your arms, and she leans into your hold. She doesn’t care about the remnants of war all over you.

“We are stronger together.”

Your hands are on her stomach. She places her hands on top of yours, keeping you in place.

There are a million more things that you want to say to her. You want to tell her you missed her, that life without her was dull, that you were sorry you couldn’t save her sister, but you don’t. Instead your lips kiss the top of her head, lingering as you hold her. You hope it translates to something.

When she raises your conjoined hands to her lips to press a delicate kiss to the back of your hand, you know it does.

“I love you,” she says it first.

“I love you too.”

Neither of you attend Tony’s funeral. Instead you find yourselves in a small suburban town. You wish you could say that it was where they grew up, but you knew it wasn’t.

You both stare at her grave. Yelena gets close to the tombstone putting her head against it. She mutters something in Russian. You don’t fully understand it but you pick up a few key words.

She raises her volume for you to hear, “This is where we became sisters.”

“She was always thinking of you. I think it’s half of the reason she took me in when you were gone. The other half was because she was a good person. I think she kept some blonde in her hair for you. Being with her saved my life because sometimes when I looked at her I saw small pieces of you. I hope… I hope that sometimes she felt the same when she looked at me. It was a comfort I think we both needed. I didn’t know how similar you were until I found her nursing a bottle of vodka trying to drink away the pain, just like you do.”

She catches your gaze, locked as tears fall down your face, “I’m sure she did, because you are the best part of me.”

You disagree with her, “ You saved me.”

She stands to cup your face in her hands. You still have a few scrapes from the battle with Thanos. Her hands are cold against the skin of your face. She searches your eyes for something, she doesn’t find it. Her forehead rests against yours. Her breath mingles with yours and for a moment all the tears are forgotten.

“Why can’t you see that you saved me too?”

She kisses you, almost like it would break you. You relax into her, relishing in the way her lips feel against yours. It’s like breathing.

You waited 5 years to experience this again. This is your first kiss since returning. You both were in fragile states. You’d never rush Yelena into anything she didn’t want to do. In truth you could’ve kissed her the second you saw her, but you had too much to tell her then.

Your eyes stay closed even when your lips are no longer touching her’s.

“Sorry to interrupt such a touching moment.”

Your moment is over just like that. Yelena has an unimpressed look on her face as she turns her attention to the woman.

“What do you want Valentina?” Yelena’s voice is gruff as she speaks.

“I have a job for you. The both of you if you’re interested,” she flashes a Hollywood smile as she speaks.

Yelena’s jaw clenches, “How many times do I have to tell you that she doesn’t do this?”

You sigh, “What’s the job?”

Your girlfriend looks at you like you’ve grown a second head, “No.”

“If you think you’re going on your own, you’re mistaken,” you tell her.

She runs a hand through her hair, looking between you and Valentina. The sigh that leaves her lips is heavier than the one that had left yours, “You heard what she said.”

Valentina’s smile stretches even wider than it already was, “Wonderful, a couple of shadow agents.”

That's how you started working for Valentina.

There wasn’t any chance that you’d be letting Yelena out of your sight. Not with everything so fresh. You knew the kind of person she was.

She would throw herself into this work to numb herself from the pain. You couldn’t stop all of the hurt, but you could feel it with her. She’d do the same for you.

“Lena,” you call her name through the hotel you’re currently stationed at. “It took me a few stores, but I’ve got the boxed mac n cheese.”

There’s no answer. You feel a little panic start to set into your bones. You call her a few more times but you don’t get a response. Just when you’re about to start investigating every inch of the apartment, you find her.

She’s leaned against the bathtub, sitting on the floor. Her head hangs down letting you know she’s unconscious. The bottle of vodka in her hand is nearly half empty. There’s another one on the side of her that’s completely gone.

You crouch down to look at her. Your hand reaches to move some of her hair out of her face. She had cut it short since you reunited. You liked it, but that wasn’t surprising. There were minimal things you didn't like about her.

When you attempt to take the bottle from her hand Yelena wakes up. She goes on the offensive immediately trying to trap you against the wall. You slip from her grasp on your shoulders, slinking around her back, so that you can hug her from behind. She thrashes a little until you whisper in her ear.

“Lena, baby.”

She stops her movements. She nearly leans into you until something stops her. She rips herself out of your hold. She doesn’t look at you. The grip on the bottle tightens, “Sorry.”

She starts to march out of the room, but you don’t allow it. Instead of reaching for her, you set your sights on the bottle. She tries to fight you for it, but your grip is unrelenting.

“Let go.”

You take stern tone with her, “You don’t need it.”

“How are you going to tell me what I need?”

“Because I know you Yelena. Now give me the bottle,” you try to yank it from her hands.

“NO!”

She screams at you and throws the bottle in the corner of the bathroom. Glass shatters all over the white tile. Liquid spreads around the floor. Your eyes are wide, as you look at the scene. You look back to Yelena to find similar shock on her face.

She starts running and you chase after her. She books it out of the hotel. You follow her down the steps and out of the front. You can feel your heart pound in your ears as your feet slap against the concrete. You watch as she tries to loose you in the crowd.

Your eyes follow the trail she takes, but your legs carry you a different way. You’re going to cut her off. You push yourself, knowing that the blonde is faster than you.

When you round the corner her body collides with yours. She’s looking back to see if you’re behind her.

Your chest heaves up and down as you try to catch your breath. She doesn’t look at you, the anxiety clear on her face. You take her hand into yours, she flinches, but allows it.

You pull her away from the crowded street, into a private alleyway.

“I love you,” you start. “And nothing is going to change that. Not a thousands shards of glass on the floor and not a river of vodka.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she still refuses to look at you.

You nod, your lips briefly folding into your mouth, “You shouldn’t have, but I know you won’t do it again.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“Like I said, I know you. That and… I think we both could benefit from going dry.”

She frowns, “Just because I can’t control myself, doesn’t mean you have to suffer too.”

“Lena you act like you haven’t found me in that same position a thousand times. If not with a bottle, then with a pipe. I know how you feel because I feel it too, but you’re not alone.”

She meets your eyes with a childlike hope burning though them. You can tell you’re getting through to her.

“I’m here. I will always be here,” you hold her gaze.

She crumples into your arms. You support her weight as she clutches onto your top. You can feel the dampness of her tears seeping through your shirt.

“Ya tebya lyublyu,” she whispers into the fabric of your clothing.

“I love you so much Yelena,” you rub soothing circles on her back.

She straightens up a little sniffing and wiping her eyes, “Ok, ok, I feel better now.”

You smile at her, “Good, because we have to go back to the hotel. I have boxed macaroni ready to be cooked.”

“With hot sauce?”

You kiss the side of her temple, “Of course I got the sauce.”

When you get back to the hotel the blonde wordlessly cleans up the mess she made in the bathroom. While she does that you cook the macaroni. By the time she’s done, so are you.

You make dumb jokes as you eat together. Lightening the mood exponentially. It’s something that’s bound to happen when the two of you are together. She’s your light and you’re finally beginning to understand you’re her’s too.

As much as you pressure Valentina to only send jobs that both of you can do, there are times where the woman doesn’t concede. Yelena was sent off to Malaysia, something about a lab. It wasn’t your mission so you didn’t know all of the details.

All you knew was that you had some anxieties about being apart. Things were better now, but there were still hard days.

Recently you could tell that something was bothering Yelena. She was keeping something from you. It only spiked your anxiety about her going on this mission alone. She wasn’t pulling away like she would’ve in the past, but she wasn’t letting you in.

It was a weird place to be in your relationship.

You check the time again, wondering when she would be home. You knew it would be late, but you predicted something earlier than this. It had been a few hours of you sitting on the couch of your home and waiting for her to walk through the door.

You had your fill of television and doom scrolling on the phone. All you want to do is cuddle in bed next to your girlfriend.

When she finally comes through the door, she leans her back against it while it’s closed. She stays there taking a few deep breaths, grounding herself. You watch her curiously, but let her have the moment.

When she opens her eyes, they land on you on the couch.

She smiles at you, “You didn’t have to wait for me dorogoy.”

You nod a few times, “I missed you, wanted to know you were safe.”

You walk over to her, she pulls you in for a chaste kiss, “I missed you too.”

The two of you make your way to the bedroom. You get in the bed while the Russian undresses.

“I thought you'd be home a while ago,” you say to her with no malice.

She freezes up a little, but doesn’t stop changing, “I made a little pit stop before coming home.”

You raise your eyebrow, “A pit stop?”

“You know a little errand before coming home,” she explains, climbing into bed.

“I know what a pit stop is Lena. Where’d you go?”

She mumbles an answer, but you don’t hear her.

“Yelena Fyodorovna Belova.”

She gasps, “Do not call me that.”

You scoff, “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

She squints her eyes, “I told you my middle name in confidence. Not so you could use it as ammunition.”

“Well, if you stop mumbling then I won’t resort to using it,” you counter.

She lets out an exasperated sigh, “Fine. I went to see Alexei.”

“Oh.”

She shakes her head, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“All I said was oh,” you defend.

“Because you hate my dad,” Yelena says it like it’s a fact.

“I don’t hate your dad.”

She sits up in the bed, crossing her arms, “You don’t?”

“No, I just hate how emotionally constipated and fixated on the past he is."

She throws her hands in the air, “So his whole personality?”

You change the subject, “How was seeing him?”

“I think you’re supposed to ask how he is doing first. If you are so keen about changing the topic.”

You let out a huff of annoyance, “How is he?”

She laughs, pulling you closer to her. Your head lies in her lap. Her fingers get tangled in your hair.

“He’s miserable, he misses being a hero.”

“Shocker,” you mutter under your breath.

“Now who is doing the mumbling?”

You smile up at her, “Sorry. Why’d you go see him anyway? It’s been like a year, hasn’t it?”

You see something in her demeanor change. She looks back down at you, “I was thinking of quitting.”

“Oh.”

She chuckles, “There you go with the ‘oh’ again. What does that even mean?”

You shrug, “Unexpected. I’m assuming he talked you out of it.”

“I asked Valentina for a more front facing role.”

“Oh.”

Yelena groans, “Can you please stop saying that?”

“Front facing like Natasha,” you ask, reaching up to cup her face.

“Yes.”

You trace the line of her jaw with your finger, “I’m proud of you.”

Yelena grabs your hand, placing a kiss on your palm, “Maybe you could join me.”

“Do I need to start powdering my nose? Do people still do that?” You joke.

Yelena rolls her eyes, “Your jokes remind me of my dad. Please stop.”

You pout, “My jokes are better than his.”

She kisses your wrist, “I’m serious though, would you do this with me?”

You move from your lying position to straddle the blonde’s waist. Your arms loosely hang on her shoulders. Her hands are planted on your hips.

You play with the hairs on the base of her neck, “I’d do anything with you, Lena. If you wanted to pull the stars from the sky, then I’d find a way to help you.”

“If I asked you to do that, you need to have me committed. I would be unwell to ask you such a thing.”

You stare at her blankly, “I’m trying to be romantic here.”

Yelena smirks at you, “Skill issue.”

You gasp, feigning offense, “You’ve never complained about my skill level before.”

Her faces scrunches up, “Get your head out of the gutter.”

You wiggle your eyebrows, “Trying to get my head between your-”

You don’t get to finish the sentence as Yelena attempts to toss you to your side of the bed. She doesn’t calculate it quite right and you end up on the floor.

You groan, “Ouch.”

She giggles at you looking over the edge of the bed, “It was an accident.”

You give her a sideways glance, “Sure it was. I can tell by the boisterous laughter.”

She offers you her hand, helping you get back in the bed. Once you’re in, she lays her head on your chest. You sling an arm around her.

“Do you think she'd be proud of me?”

She’s already drifting when she asks.

“More than you'd be able to comprehend,” you say, closing your eyes to follow in her footsteps.

You’re already awake when there’s a harsh banging on your front door. You’re waiting for Yelena to come back from her latest assignment. It was something with a vault and that was as much as you knew.

The banging startles you as it is unstopping. You pull your knife out immediately as you make your way to the door. You check the peephole and let out and irritated sigh. Yanking the door open, you stare at Alexei unimpressed.

He's wearing the red guardian costume.

“Hello Alexei.”

“Yelena is in danger.”

Those four words are all it takes for you to get into his raggedy limo.

You have your gear on, leg bouncing as you wish you would’ve opted on taking your car instead. The limo is big and flashy, easily noticeable. It’s also slow as shit.

Alexei fills you in about what he heard while driving Valentina. Your hands twitch as you picture yourself strangling the women.

“Why didn’t she send me too?”

Alexei’s incessant rambling almost stops in its track. His tone sobers up a bit, “She didn’t think you’d be a problem. If anything happened to Lena, she said you wouldn’t forgive yourself.”

You clench your fist together, “She’s right, but I’d kill her if anything happened to Yelena.”

Alexei lets out a laugh, “I knew I liked you when we first met.”

You roll your eyes, “Less laughing, more driving.”

He straightens up his posture, “We will find her.”

You’re trapped with the man for hours. The night shifts into day as worry starts to take over your system. He has just as much energy as when he was banging on your door.

It takes a minute, but you can notice that there is genuine concern under all of his semantics.

“Why did you come get me first? You could’ve left without me?”

He shook his head, “You are family. You care about her. I would not keep all of this glory for myself, when I know you want to save her as much as I do. That and I think she will be less mad if you are with me.”

His explanation makes you laugh to yourself, “Look who’s learning about their emotions.”

He keeps his attention on the road, “For her, I try.”

Once you’re far into the desert Alexei stops the car without warning. He gets out and starts screaming like a psycho before you even have the chance to stop him.

You hop out of the limo, pushing him in the chest, “Are you trying to let the entire world know that we’re here? What if there are enemies around?”

“Then we fight them. We are super soldiers, we can take them.”

You glare up at him, “Do not call me a super soldier.”

“You have serum in you, you are soldier. I don’t make rules,” he shrugs.

You shove him in the chest, “I’m serious. If you call me that again, I’ll drop you where you stand.”

He laughs in your face, “I like to see you try. I am red guardian, protector of-”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence before you sweep his leg. He tumbles onto the ground with a heavy thud. You stand over him with a twinkle in your eyes.

“Fine, you’re not soldier. Happy now?”

You give him a tight-lipped smile, “Elated.”

You scan your surroundings, when you see three figures headed towards you. Reluctantly you help Alexei to his feet.

“See, you need to have faith in my plans,” he claps you on the back.

He begins to jog over, but you stop him, “I’ll jog. You bring the car.”

You waste no time sprinting in the direction of the figures. As they come more into focus, you pick up your speed.

When you’re in front of the three of them. You disregard the other two going straight for Yelena. You grab her by the face and start looking over her for injuries.

“Are you hurt? I’ll kill her, if you’re hurt.”

She grabs your arms, “I’m fine. How are you here right now?”

“Alexei brought me. He was driving Valentina and overheard her plan.”

You pull her into your embrace, squeezing her tightly. She senses the anxiety in the hug. Even though she would rather not let the other’s see, she keeps holding onto the hug.

“I’m right here,” she whispers so that only you can hear.

“I thought I lost you,” you tell her, freeing her from your hold.

She scoffs, “And leave you with Alexei? Absolutely not.”

“Y/n?”

“You have to be kidding me,” You say turning your attention to the man who called your name.

“Do you know her?” The woman with the Bristish accent asks the white man.

He nods, “All of us super-”

Yelena butts in, “She is not a super soldier. Do not call her that.”

He blinks at her, “Right, right, except she totally is. Winter Soldier level, super soldier created by Hydra. She might even be better than the Winter Soldier.”

“Shut up Walker, before I throw that shield through your head,” you feel your blood boiling.

“If this how you treat all your partners then I feel sorry for your girlfriend.”

You’re about to punch him, when Alexei honks his horn, signaling you all to get in his deathtrap of a limo. Ava drags Walker over first to create space between the two of you.

“You partnered with him?” Yelena asks before you get in.

“Valentina set us up on a few jobs together. That’s all.”

Yelena eyes go wide, “This is the egotistical maniac that you were talking about.”

You get in the limo, “Yep.”

“That makes a lot of sense.”

While you’re in the limo they fill you in about what happened at the vault. When they’re done Alexei fills them in on what he heard Valentina talking about. It’s a lot of information for everyone to process.

“So did Bob die or?”

“We don’t know,” Ava answers honestly.

You frown, “Poor guy.”

Yelena goes to comment, but that’s when she notices the trucks following behind you.

“We have company.”

The group springs into action trying to take out the vehicle, but it’s proving to be damn near indestructible. The back window of the limo gets shot out. Ava is shooting out of the window, but John quickly pulls her in once the fire begins to get too much.

“Doesn’t this thing go any faster?”

“I’m on it,” Alexei calls out, he steps on the gas, but you’re barely up to 55.

It’s then that the cars begin to get disarmed, one by one You’re not entirely relieved when you see who’s responsible for it, but at least Valentina’s guys are off of you.

“It’s Bucky!” John on the other hand is more enthusiastic.

The group starts cheering thinking they evaded, danger, but you know better. Bucky is a complex individual. You’re proven right when he shoots something at the limo causing the back to explode as you all tip up into the air and then crash onto the floor.

You find yourselves tied up on a plane, with the former Winter Soldier turned congressman looking over you. You all try to explain to him what happened, but he doesn’t believe you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

John drops the pretense, “It means you know me Bucky, so cut the shit and listen to what we’re trying to tell you.”

“Yeah, I know you John, and you made your choices. I know it’s been hard since Olivia left you and took your kid, but it’s still on you.”

John shuts up after that, but you don’t.

“That’s rich coming from you, Bucky. What happened to Steve again? Talk about people leaving, not only did he abandon his team when they needed him the most. He gets to live his happy ending while we all suffer. He gets to relive his glory days while we get relieve our nightmares.”

Your words shake him and you know it, but he just pushes past them.

“You’re all evidence in Valentina’s trial.”

You let out an annoyed groan, “From hydra agent to government puppet, what a change.”

He steps over to you calmly, “And what have you done since being free besides follow her around like a lost dog? Maybe she should collar you and call you Fanny.”

You stand, breaking the restraints he tied you in, “ I was being a goddamn hero. I’m one of the people that helped saved half of the universe. I’ve repented for what I’ve done and I’ve earned the right to my happy ending.”

“Did you earn it or did Natasha hand it to you?”

You push him. Hard.

His back slams against the wall of the plane. The sound echoed in the space. You feel yourself, losing control.

“And who scrubbed your ledger clean Winter Soldier?”

There’s an indent from where his metal arm braced for impact against the plane. He sucks his teeth, “You want to do this?”

“Do you?” You challenge him.

“Let’s go super soldier.”

He charges at you, but you side step his attack.

“Is now really the time for this?” Ava asks the rest of the group.

Walker shrugs, “Don’t know, but I’m rooting for Y/n.”

“Me too,” Alexei nods.

Ava shares a pleading look with Yelena. The blonde huffs in annoyance, “He shouldn’t have brought up my sister.”

“If they break the plane, we will die,” Ava deadpans.

Bucky takes your arm, and twists it behind your back. You throw your head back knocking him square in the nose. He releases the hold and you quickly turn to throw a fury of strikes his way. He dodges most of the punches but when you send a hard kick to his chest he stumbles backwards.

He holds his abdomen and you smirk at him. As he goes for the next attack his phone rings. You let him answer it. You all hear the person on the phone basically reiterate what you were saying.

“Bob?”

“BOB,” you all say in unison.

He looks at you, and then the rest. Before hanging up the phone. He starts with Ava’s restraints. You take initiative and break Yelena’s.

“How come you could break out of yours, I was pulling these with everything I had,” Walker comments when he’s freed.

You shrug, “Ask Hydra.”

Alexei chimes in, “Must be difference between real deal and knock off.”

Bucky rallies the team the best he can, not like they have much of a choice. You aren’t necessarily thrilled, but you do want to get your hands on Valentina. Yelena seems very keen on saving Bob. So that’s the plan. When you’re on the ground, you’re loaded into a van.

Alexei takes shotgun with Bucky, while the rest of you were loaded into the back. It’s quiet for a few minutes before Yelena starts talking about her weapons. Ava pulls out hers next, and then Walker. He asks about his helmet and it gets you to chuckle.

“What about you Y/n?”

“I have widow bites like Lena. Hunter blade, 9inch dagger, throwing knives, retractable knuckle blade,” you show off some of your knives.

“No gun?” Ava comments.

You shake your head, “Don’t need it.”

“And if you did?” Walker questions.

Yelena answers for you, “Then I have an extra for her, but I can guarantee you that she doesn’t need one.”

“Well aren’t you two adorable,” Ava gushes.

You grow bashful at her words.

“How long have you been together?” Walker questions.

You tilt your head to the side a bit, “We met at the tail end of 2016. Got together like beginning of February 2017. Then we’re together until Thanos happens. Lena got blipped. I obviously wasn’t moving on but I can’t say we were together. Then from when the blip was over until now, we’ve been together. So 5 years, but also like 10 years.”

“And no ring?” Ava teases and it makes you blush even harder.

“I- we’ve been busy.”

Yelena takes over, “We've never really talked about marriage. The whole shadow operative thing kind of gets in the way of that.”

John looks at you both incredulously, “Have you ever heard of eloping? What kind of couple is together for 5 years and hasn’t talked about marriage.”

“I knew from the moment we got together, that I’d spend the rest of my life with her. There was nothing to talk about. I’ve never questioned it,” you answer him honestly.

Her hand slides into yours, “Me too. Marriage or no marriage, she is stuck with me.”

John pretends to barf, “Disgustingly cute.”

You lean your head against her shoulder, “She’s my everything.”

Yelena doesn’t shy from the PDA, she kisses the crown of your head. You relishes in the moments, knowing that in just a few short minutes it would be over.

It’s sudden when you feel the van crash into a building. As soon as you hop out, you begin fighting. The group goes to work almost resembling a team as you fight the people in the lobby.

When Valentina’s voice rings out from the intercom the fighting comes to a halt. You all pile into an elevator up to her office. When it dings you are in a very open room. Valentina stands alone, like she had been waiting for you.

Bucky takes the lead. He tells her that it's all over that she has lost. With all of her loose ends in this room, she’d be going away for a long time. Yelena asks her about Bob, but Valentina ignores her.

“Are you still ready for your close up, Yelena?”

“Eat shit Valentina,” she responds unamused.

Bucky gets in her space as she sets her drink down. He goes to grab her, but something stops him.

“I’m not alone,” you can hear the smile in her voice.

Aa blonde man emerges from the stairs. He’s wearing a golden suit with a big ‘S’ on the waist line. A blue cape flows behind him as he makes his descent.

“Hey guys,” he says it casually.

“Bob what happened to you?” Yelena sounds utterly crushed.

Valentina answers for him. She calls him the Sentry and explains that he will be disposing of your little rag tag group. She calls him Earth’s Mightiest hero.

“I’m not going to let you erase them from history,” you step forward.

The Sentry blocks your path, “I don’t want to fight you guys. How about you just turn yourselves in.”

Valentina scoffs, “The Avengers aren’t coming back Y/n. Natasha isn’t coming back. It’s time for you to move on.”

“Enough talking, let’s fight,” Alexei charges the Sentry.

The fight begins. Everyone springs on their own individual attacks on the blonde man, but it doesn’t last. He disarms Ava and Walker first. Then he throws Alexei out of the window before dragging the man back in just to toss him aside.

Meanwhile Yelena is trying to keep the peace. You hold back listening to her pleas. She looks at you, turmoil on her face.

“I’m with you,” you tell her.

She nods before going for Sentry. She gets on his shoulders trying to choke him out. She pleads with him from the position, “Bob, stop.”

He slings her off. You’re going to attack him right then but Bucky puts a hand on your chest. He stares at the blonde, before taking one of his shirts off.

He goes for Bob, activating the part of him that he can’t forget. That same demon that lives inside of you.

Sentry blocks every attempt of contact, eventually grabbing hold of Bucky’s metal arm. While he has his grip on Bucky you move in throwing your strongest punch at his chest.

The force has the Sentry sliding back, taking Bucky’s arm with him. It’s not terribly far back, but it’s something. You don’t get a chance to follow it up, before you feel a vibranium arm knock you across the face. You go sliding with the others.

He tosses Bucky’s arm to the floor. Ava scrambles to grab it an you all pile back into the elevator, retreat the only thing on your minds.

When they get out of the building the arguing starts immediately. There’s a bunch of accusations and finger pointing going around.

All you can focus on is the look on Yelena’s face you reach for her, but she pulls away from you.

“Oh my god stop. There is no us. There is no we. Bob changed into that thing and there’s nothing any of you can do about it.”

Ava goes against her, “And what did you do exactly? I seem to remember you getting your ass beat way more than mine.”

“Yeah, yeah I suck. I’m terrible. We’re all terrible. Ava you’re not a hero, you’re not even a good person,” her arms are moving wildly as she speaks.

“Bitch,” Ava relents.

Alexei intervenes, “Slow down amishka.”

Yelena cuts him off, “Alexei, I am not your amishka. I haven’t heard from you or seen you in a year.”

John tries to de-escalate the situation, “Go easy on him.”

She whips her head around to him, “Oh so you're nice now?”

“It’s my turn?”

“No, you know you’re a piece of trash Walker. So does your family.”

He doesn’t have a comeback, “Jesus.”

She throws her hands up, “We’re all losers and we lost.”

She starts to walk off. The rest of them look at you, expecting you to say something. All you do is sigh, and start to walk after your girl.

Alexei follows after you, “Let me try.”

Against your better judgement, you let him go ahead of you. You keep a steady pace as he runs to catch up with Yelena.

“Oh my god stop. If you cared you would’ve called. I would’ve heard from you.”

He stares at her, with sorrow in his eyes.

Her eyes water and her voice breaks, “I lost my sister again, but forever. And you disappeared.”

“I’m sorry. I don't know how to do this. I’m not good at it,” he steps towards her.

“Papa it’s all just too heavy. All I do is sit and scroll on my phone and think about all of the terrible things that I’ve done. Even with an attentive partner I just feel like a burden. She works like this because I work like this. I can’t handle my drinks, so she doesn't drink. All I do is take up space.”

Alexei looks back at you.

“I didn’t think you needed me,” he answered.

“I did.”

He nods, “I see that. I’m late but I'm here now.”

You walk past Alexei, right up to Yelena. You take both her hands in yours. She doesn’t pull away like she did before.

“I don’t care about the work. I don’t care about the drinking. Yelena the only thing I care about is you. If you feel empty, baby I’ll do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, to make you feel something more. It’ll never be a burden to me because I love you. My love for you is the only thing in my entire life that has never felt like a burden. Not when you were sad, not when you were drunk, not even when you were gone. It keeps me strong, you keep me strong. I like it when you take up space because it means you feel comfortable and I always want that for you.”

You don’t break eye contact. You need her to feel what you’re saying, to believe it.

“Lena, I’m here always.”

That’s all it takes for her to pull you into a kiss. It feels like understanding. The way her lips fit with yours, makes you hopeful that you got through to her. Her forehead rests against yours when it’s over, “I love you.”

You smile, “I love you too.”

Alexei breaks up the moment by engulfing the two of you in a hug.

“Perfect family dynamic. Very healthy and happy,” he boasts.

It’s then that you notice people around you looking into the sky. You step from under the terrace, to see what they’re seeing. There’s a dark shadow floating in the sky. It sort of resembles…

“Bob,” it comes off of her lips as a whisper.

You look around, and people are vanishing out of thin air. The citizens begin to panic, you all spring into action.

Rubble falls from the buildings above when Sentry flings a plane into one. You move to punch through it before it lands on anyone.

Alexei and Yelena are working together to move others out of harms way.

It’s like you’re fighting Thanos again, but this time the field is full of civilians.

You help free a man from his car after the rubble blocks him in. You’re constantly surveying the area looking for to get people off of the streets.

You see Walker struggling to hold the weight of a massive piece of rubble. Your makeshift group attempting to help him. Part of you wants to laugh at their struggles, three super soldiers vs big concrete.

You’re quick to join them, taking a spot next to Yelena. You put one hand on the rubble and give it a little shove. It almost instantly topples over. They all look at you and you fight the urge to flex in front of the crowd.

The citizens around you start to clap. It’s unlike anything you ever experienced. It puts warmth in your chest.

The celebration doesn’t last long as Alexei uses his body to protect a little girl from falling debris. As he checks in with her to tell her she’s safe she vanishes right in front of him.

You don’t hold back your gasps. You feel your heart pounding in your chest, but you don’t have time to panic. The people need to be evacuated from the streets. You can feel the impending horror as you watch more and more people vanish. You’re helping herd people into a building when you realize Yelena is not with you.

Alexei calls out to her, “Yelena!”

That’s when you see her at the edge of the shadows, talking to the Sentry. If she’s heard him you can’t tell. Your legs start carrying you towards her.

“YELENA!” Your voice booms in the empty streets.

She looks back briefly. Her eyes meet yours. It feels like an eternity yet, she takes a step into the void.

You scream, you scream like your heart has been pulled from your chest.

“No, no, no, no, no, no,” you start to blink rapidly, hoping that what you saw was a vision.

There are tears streaming down your face. You could feel people trying to hold you back, when all you want to do is run head first into the darkness.

“I can’t, not again. I can’t,” you’re hysterical, but your feet are planted.

You can’t move back. Last time she disappeared you couldn’t do anything about it. You’d lost 5 years, but this time was different. You could step into that void and chase after her.

“Y/n come on,” Bucky tries but you shrug him off.

You push them all away, “I am not losing her again!”

You stare up at the dark mass floating in the sky. He looks down at you curiously.

“I can make it all go away. All of your pain, all of your suffering.”

“You can’t and I don’t want you to,” you take step closer to the dark edge. “I will save Yelena, but I’m going to save you too Bob.”

You step into the darkness.

“We will continue until you break through the stone.”

You freeze at the voice.

“I can’t it’s too hard,” you recognize your own voice, begging.

“I didn’t ask what you could do. I said you will keep punching until you can break through the stone. Now punch.”

They had pulled you off the streets about a month ago, injected you with the serum. You were around 11. The fact that the serum alone didn’t kill you made it a success.

You knew what would happen next. The younger version of you punched the block of concrete over and over and over again. Even after you broke your hand, the cement barely gave.

When you hear the bones in your hands break, you try to intervene. You place your hand between the younger version of yourself and the target.

“Enough,” you mutter staring at yourself.

“It doesn’t work like that here,” the child's eyes are blank.

She sweeps your leg to take you down and begins to climb on top of you, punching you repeatedly. The broken hand doesn’t stop her.

You grab it and it’s as if the scene resets. You’re on your back watching the younger version of yourself punch the concrete again.

You stand, looking for a way out of the room. You see a metal door bolted shut. Without hesitation you begin slamming your shoulder against it.

The timing begins to line up with the sound of your younger self punch the concrete. You don’t take any solace in knowing that eventually the concrete does break.

With that thought at the front of your mind the steel door falls off its hinges and rush into what you believe to be an open hall.

It’s only when you’re fully inside that you realize it’s not a hallway. It’s a bathroom.

You can tell by the cracks in the porcelain sink that it is the day after Yelena was blipped. Shards of the mirror are scattered inside of it. The younger version of yourself has one hand gripping the sink and another on a gun.

Her head is down and her body is tense.

That day you had slammed your hand against the mirror and instantly felt stupid. You held the sink so hard it cracked. It had been less than 24 hours without her and you were falling apart. You remember the feeling of gun against your skull.

You pulled the trigger, but it wasn’t loaded. You kept pulling it, wishing you could leave all of this behind.

The illusion of you begins to sob as the gun falls from her hand. She crumples onto the floor, head in her hands.

You walk over to pick up the gun. Your hand rests on top of her head, stroking the hair calmly.

“She will come back to us,” you say as you aim the gun at the ceiling.

You shoot and the room moves, allowing you to crawl through the opening.

“Where is she?”

Clint couldn’t look you in the eye. He tossed the stone to Tony and tried to walk away. You grabbed him by the shoulder, so he was face to face with you.

“Clint,” your voice was stern.

You walked past the scene. This is moment in life when you thought you’d never have anything worth loving again. Yelena was gone, Natasha was gone, all you had was your past. All the wrongs you did, all the mistakes you made, all the people you’d kill. You felt hopeless.

That isn’t the case anymore. Yelena is here, you won this war. You got her back not only for yourself, but for Natasha.

You will find Yelena, there is not a doubt in your mind. You are certain, hopeful even. No matter how many traumas you have to go through, seeing her at the end makes it all worth it.

In the glass window of the building, you can see what looks like an old attic. It’s not something from your memories, but you know it doesn’t belong here.

You put your hand into the window first, watching it disappear, then your body follows it. There’s chaos around as furniture flies at you. You are able to dodge the stray pillows that are coming right for your head.

Then it all stops. The rest of the team has found their way here as well. It fills you with relief to know that you don’t have to do this alone.

“What did you see? Are you ok?”

Walker answers first, “Oh I’m fine.

Then Bucky, “I have a great past.”

Then Ava, “Totally fine.”

Yelena turns her attention to you. She’s waiting for you to say something.

“That fucking sucked,” you let out a broken laugh at the end of it.

“Well at least we’re all together now,” Ava finds the silver lining.

“Thanks guys,” Bob says.

You can’t help but size him up a little. He’s different than when you saw him in Valentina’s office. He seems a little shy, buy there’s a kindness that’s clearly on his face. You know that he essentially sacrificed himself to help these strangers escape. He probably saved your girlfriend’s life.

This isn’t the guy in the gold suit with dyed blonde hair, it’s not the dark ominous cloud terrorizing New York, this is Bob. A real man with intense emotions that can sometimes overtake him. He deserves to be saved.

So that’s what you do. You fight through Bob’s most painful memories. From his abusive parents to his drug induced psychosis, all the up to the moment the Void was created.

The Void pins everyone down except for Bob. You’re against the floor with a table pushing down on to your legs. You watch as Bob goes up against the physical embodiment of his darkness. For a moment you think he’s winning, until you see the shadow climb up his pant leg.

“Bob, this is what it wants you have to stop,” you call out to him.

It falls on deaf ears as he throws punch after punch to the Void.

You glance over at Yelena, who is trapped against a door next to Alexei. You use all of the strength that you have to get the table off your legs. Your steps are making dents in floor as you walk over to them.

Alexei tries to create enough space for Yelena to slip out. You extend your hand towards her and she grabs it.

“Trust me,” she says.

You nod, “Always.”

She signals for you to fling her across the room. You do it with no hesitation. You’re not too far behind her, though you feel the Void trying to create distance between Bob and the rest of the team.

Yelena gets to him first, wrapping her arms around the man. You are on the other side of him, squeezing him with all that you have. Soon the rest break free from their confines and join in to make Bob feel less alone.

Then suddenly it’s all over.

You’re back in New York, sprawled out on the floor. You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding.

You kept close to Bob, partially enjoying the comfort. Yelena’s gets up first, extending her hand towards you. You allow her to pull you up.

She doesn’t get to say anything before you’re kissing her. You hold her face in your hands as your lips move against hers delicately. It’s a fragile kiss, something like the one you first shared.

“I thought I lost you again.”

Her lips touch yours once more, “I will always be here.”

“We still have one last thing to deal with guys,” Bucky says as he gets his eyes on Valentina.

You can’t stop yourself from throwing a small knife in her direction. You miss, but it's on purpose.

“We get to kill her right?” Alexei comments as you all zero in on the woman.

“Alright guys, I know we’re going through a lot of feelings right now. Just give me half second,” Valentina holds her hands up as she backs away.

“Oh I'd like to kill her,” Ava says gleefully.

Bucky shakes his head, “We’re taking her in.”

You see Bob hanging behind a bit. You place your hand on his shoulder, “Come on.”

“Me too?”

You flash him a small smile, “From now on we stick together.”

He returns the gesture, “That’s nice.”

The two of you are the last to walk through the curtain. There’s press everywhere. Cameras flash pictures of all you standing behind Valentina.

Bob stands off to the side with Valentina’s assistant while you stand next to Yelena.

You lean over to whisper in her ear, “What the fuck is she doing?”

“Saving her own ass.”

Valentina turns to look at the group with her arms wide, “Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, meet the new Avengers.”

There are alarms going off in your head as she says that. The press’s cameras flash more frequently, as soon as she makes that announcement.

“Is this real?”

Walker claps a hand down on your shoulder, “Feels pretty real to me."

Your eyes cut over to Yelena, who says something to Valentina before taking a step back. You move to stand next to her.

“Front facing looks good on you,” you smirk at her.

She gives you a once over, “I could say the same about you.”

“So what now?” Ava asks the team.

Bucky speaks up, “You guys like shawarma?”

Alexei laughs happily, “I love shawarma."

“I could eat,” Walker replies.

Bob agrees, “Me too. Kind of starving actually.”

You sling your arm around Yelena’s waist, “I guess we’re getting shawarma then.”

You keep her close as you walk away from the press. The team follows Bucky’s lead and you end up back in a van.

Yelena’s head rests against your shoulder during the car ride. The rest of your companions chatter, filling the silence.

“Do you want to elope?” Yelena say so that only you can hear.

“Your last name is cooler than mine, so I guess it only makes sense,” you reply.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

You roll your eyes, “It’s just a creative way of saying yes. Is fun no longer allowed, because we’re Avengers?”

“You have a weird idea of fun.”

You kiss her forehead, “Yet you still asked me to marry you, checkmate.”

“Whatever,” she buries her head further into your neck.

“I love you,” you say as you begin to rest your eyes, exhaustion finally taking over.

“I love you too."

[l-starsz]

a/n: i’m half asleep while writing this and you don’t know how bad i wish for someone who would come to my house in the middle of the night to hold me when i can’t sleep🥲 and i might write a part 2 of this i’m not sure yet.. anyway, goodnight.

i tried. i really had tried. sleep just would not come to me no matter what i did. some nights were like this. sometimes it lasted weeks. other times it was just a one day thing. tonight was one of those times. i felt so exhausted, ready to pass out at any minute now, but still i tossed and i turned, before ending up on my phone again.

maybe a movie would help? i placed my phone on the bedside table, and turned my tv on. it wasn’t long before my favourite movie was playing through the tv. the sound was quiet, but enough for me to hear it through the silence of my bedroom. the screen was bright. blinding almost. i turned to my side, and covered my eyes with a pillow, hoping sleep would finally catch me. but it didn’t.

of course it didn’t. i was starting to get frustrated with myself. surely it can’t be that difficult to sleep? i just needed to close my eyes and sleep would come. but it wouldn’t. my body was awake, so as much as i wanted to sleep, i was stuck awake too. it eventually got to a point though, where i was ready to cry because all i wanted to do was get even just an hour of sleep at this point. and it was impossible. so i did the only thing left i knew would help.

‘billie?’

‘bils?’

‘are you awake?’

the second i set my phone down on the sheets next to me, it buzzed. she answered so quick.

‘i’m awake’

‘everything okay sweet girl?’

i sighed at the nickname. billie was my best friend. we’d known eachother for years, and often people said we were too touchy, always curled up together or holding hands at any chance we’d get. falling asleep on each others shoulder during long car journeys. it was normal for us. well, mostly normal.

i couldn’t help but love billie. more than in just a best friend way. i always wished the feelings weren’t one sided, but it was impossible to tell with billie. she was touchy with most of her friends, but it felt different with me. it felt closer. but i never knew for sure.

i’d tried everything i could to not feel this way. i tried distancing myself, it just made me want her more. i tried finding someone else to forget about my feelings, but they weren’t billie. i tried waiting it out, maybe it was just a silly phase? nope. the feelings only grew. nothing would work.

‘can you come over? please?’

‘can’t sleep.’

‘and i miss you’

my heart raced. as much as i knew i shouldn’t be feeding into my feelings by doing this, i couldn’t help it. she was the only person who could send me to sleep quickly. the only thing that would work when nothing else would. being in her arms, her fingers tracing small patterns up my back, it never failed.

‘i’m omw baby. i miss you more’

‘find a movie for us to watch’

‘or to fall asleep to’

i let out a breathy laugh at the last message before sending a quick ‘thank you’ and finding something for us to watch together. it was only a few minutes before i heard my front door being unlocked. of course billie had a key. i got one made for her almost immediately after i’d moved in.

it felt like forever before i heard her footsteps, lightly running up the stairs, and then she was finally here. she didn’t even hesitate before jumping into bed next to me, pulling me into her arms and pressing play on the movie i’d chosen.

“how come you can’t sleep then? something on your mind, hm?” her fingers ran through my hair.

the hoodie she was wearing smelt like her. the perfume she’d always wear. it was comforting, and smelt like home. like safety. i shifted slightly against her, and shook my head before answering.

“just one of those nights.”

“one of those nights where you needed me?”

i nodded hesitantly and looked away from her. her other hand was running up and down my back, tracing soothing shapes.

“that’s okay, angel. i’m always here for when you need me. you know that.”

we weren’t even watching the movie, just making quiet conversation with eachother. the longer we spoke, though, the more my tired eyes began to droop and my face sunk further into her hoodie. my muscles that were once tensed, were now relaxed as i practically melted against her, and i was beginning to slur my words.

“i think i’m about to fall asleep, bil.” i frowned, clinging onto her waist.

“that’s okay, i’ve got you. go to sleep, baby. i’ll be here when you wake up. promise.”

the second those words left her mouth, i was fast asleep. i knew she would help. she always did. and she always stayed. i just wished i could spend every night like this with her, wrapped in the comfort of her warmth and love. i wished i could spend lazy mornings with her, and those late night thunderstorms that always had me on edge. i’d do anything to spend forever in her arms. to spend forever with her.

billie

as her breathing evened out and her eyes finally fluttered shut, i waited a little while before reaching for the tv remote, turning the tv off since i was getting tired too. i shifted further down under the sheets with her still laying on my chest, and then moved a stray piece of hair from her face.

i continued running my fingers through her hair before placing a gentle kiss against her forehead.

“i love you so much, my baby. i hope i can tell you soon. sleep well, i’ve got you. i’ll be here when you wake up. i’m not going anywhere.”

maybe i’d find the courage to tell her how i felt soon. i just didn’t know if she felt the same way. but the way she felt so safe with me, and she knew she could rely on me to be there when she needed it. the way she was clingy with me, but not that way with her other friends, i had a feeling that i wasn’t the only one who felt this way.

[ysrjune]

what would teen dad scott be like when his pregnant girlfriend experienced morning sickness or other less comfortable and negative pregnancy symptoms ?? i love the way you write him, he’s so secretly sweet but outwardly to her and leo it’s so cute

morning sickness:

at first, when she still lives with her parents at the beginning of her pregnancy, Scott isn't there to comfort her. He sleeps in sort of late (like around 10ish), so he wakes up to a she's feeling.

But once she finally moves in, he's there to take care of her. He always has his trashcan on her side of the bed. When she throws up, he rubs her back and lightly taps it. "Let it all out. You're gonna be fine." He'll sleepily say at 2 in the morning while she's spilling her guts.

—

He massages her tender breasts with his hands. Before she got pregnant, doing that would turn him on and lead to other things, but after a few times of messaging, it didn't do anything. He did it without barley anything sexual running through his mind. He just wanted to make sure you felt better.

His large hands kneed into your breasts firmly to make them feel better. "Does that feel okay? am I being too rough?" He was cautious. More than ever. "It's good." You nod. Scott hums an answer and continues with his head resting just below your growing belly. He eventually falls asleep with his hands still on you.

Dealing with your attitude is one of his least favorite things, but to calm himself down, he tells himself that it's karma for his own attitude. Yours is more ignoring him and having an RBF while his is actually talking back and giving looks. He finds himself whining for you to talk to him instead of 'leaving him on heard.'

Scott was driving to the place where you were hosting the baby shower. His and your parents were already there since they decorated for you. He had rushed you because he didn't want to be late to his/your own party. He always hated people who did that. Your hair didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted it to, so you were pissed.

"Babe, I already said I'm sorry, alright?" He huffs, gazing at you and then back at the road. "Just ask your sister to do your hair at the reception. I know she has her curler or whatever. There's outlets there, it'll be fine." But you didn't answer. He was starting to worry just a little bit. Why did he have to make you mad today of all days. Today was supposed to be special and he was blowing it.

"Say something, please. I don't want us to be mad at each other today. We're supposed to be happy today. You know.. celebrating our baby." He pouts. Still no response. ".. Do you wanna pass by Starbucks and get a drink?" And suddenly you started talking again. "Is the sky blue." You roll your eyes. "That's my girl." Scott smirks and pulls up to the driveway of the store. Everything was great after that.

He hates being at school instead of with you. He knows that you aren't gonna break if you're by yourself, but lately, he's been searching up a bunch of pregnancy stuff on the internet. He has a fear that one day you'll slip and fall on your stomach and something happens to you and the baby, so he texts you literally every hour.

@bxbyysstuff @anakinstwinklebunny @lovethestarrs @valloos @anisangeldust @xo-yaaaaaasxo @anakinca @dollfilmz @alexlovesysrjune @sockiess @sythethecarrot @speaknow-sw @loveamira @alealuvshayden @mvst4far

[neonnecromancerhoe]

Sentryagent vs. nightmares

John was sleeping. Or more like trying to. He has been restless the last week. Even thought they have successfully completed last mission, he couldn't put a finger on why he has been fretful.

He was in that state of almost-sleep. Still aware of his surroundings but slowly dozing off.

In that blissful moment he heard a knock on his door.

John tried to ignore it. Really really tried.

But then the person knocked again .

"Yes?" John mutters and waits.

In a moment, the door cracks and Bob's head comes into his view as he slowly steps into John's room. Dressed in an oversized sweatshirt and pyjamas pants.

Of course it's Bob, John thinks and sits up in his bed.

"What do you want?" he snaps and looks at the clock "it's 2 a.m."

Bob shrinks to himself.

And John kind of feels like shit. It's not like he hates Bob, they got over the rocky beginnings. After 3 months living in the Tower, he can say he kind of gets on with everyone, even Bucky.

"I -" Bob says quietly and then stops, looks into the ground and takes a step back to the door. "I didn't wanna wake you up." mutters Bob.

"Well I am awake Bob, what's going on?" John really doesn't have a patience for this.

"I had a nightmare,"

"So?"

"I was wondering if I could stay with you?" asks Bob, still looking at the floor, hidden behind his hair.

"What?" John is dumbfounded. Of course he knows that Bob gets nightmares and that the Void is making everything probably even worse.

But why the fuck has Bob come to him?

"I had-" starts Bob again and flashes his gaze to the sofa John has in his room next to the window.

"No, I got that. I mean why come to my room? Why have you not gone to Yelena?" they were usually thick as thieves, so that would make sense.

"She is not here, they went out," says Bob, now looking apprehensively at John.

And... and John doesn't know how that makes him feel. They didn't even ask him?

His face must have shown something because Bob adds "You said you were tired when you left the living room, that's why they didn't ask."

"Sure, Bob." John falls back into the pillows and stares at the ceiling. "And what about you? Why not go with them?" Bob never went out to the clubs with them. John knew that.

But he still was an asshole. And since Bob woke him up from that anteroom of blissful sleep, he didn't feel like being nice right now.

There is silence. John moves his head to the side and sees Bob move his weight from one leg to another and shift closer to the door.

And one part of John was like yes, please get out. That was his asshole side. His other part, that went to the mandatory therapy these last three months felt bad for Bob. Cause he knew how bad the nightmares were. He had them himself.

Only, when he woke up, he usually went to the gym to destroy his body to the same state of anguish his mind was.

Looking at Bob and then at the ceiling again he gave up.

"You can stay on the sofa if you want, there's a blanket. And catch - " he threw a pillow from the other side of his bed to Bob. It hit Bob in a chest but he managed to catch it.

"Thank you, John," was the only thing he heard from Bob. John closed his eyes and listened to the silent movements as Bob was settling on that small two-seat couch.

Honestly, that was the best John could do. Letting Bob stay on the couch.

Or at least that's what he thought.

When he heard a quiet sobbing.

He was hoping Bob would stop soon. Because John was shit at comforting people. Olivia always told him.

But Bob did not stop.

After a few minutes John resigned himself, threw his duvet off and went to stand over now crying Bob.

"Move," he said and Bob flinched as if John had hit him.

"I'm not throwing you out, just move," he said in a considerably milder voice. Telling to himself that he was not a complete piece of shit.

Bob was slowly shifting himself into a seated position. He had puffy red eyes, was trembling and generally looked like shit.

Something broke in John.

He sat down and hugged Bob.

Of his own initiative. He embraced him tightly in his arms.

Bob was not moving. Not even breathing. It was as if John was holding a statue.

Then in a very fast movement Bob wrapped his arms around John and clutched to him, as if his life depended on it. He hid his face into the space between John's neck shoulder. Burrowed there. He still shivers and after a while John can feel his t-shirt getting wet.

And all John can do is to hold Bob.

Because he is shit with words.

So he holds Bob.

They sit there, bunched on a sofa too small for two grown men of their size, in silence. John starts to stroke his fingers over the fabric of Bob's sweatshirt.

Tiny movements meant to bring comfort.

It has been close to half an hour when Bob finally calms down, resting against John as if all the strength left him.

"I'm sorry," comes from Bob. And John doesn't even has the capacity to be annoyed.

He just rearranges them on the couch.

He is half-sitting, half laying down, leaning on the backrest and armrest, legs hanging off the sofa.

Bob is propped against him, head on John's chest, legs off the sofa as well.

It's not comfortable and his back is going to hurts like bitch in the morning.

But John catches himself that he doesn't care.

"Just try to sleep," he tells Bob, pulls the blanket over them and closes his eyes.

 █  █ █

I wrote this in one sitting watching F1 qualifying. Unfortunately for everyone, I do not posses the ability to read back anything I write so this has not been corrected at all. In my head it should be a comprehensive story.

I haven't written anything in the last 5 years and english is not my first language, so accept my apologies for any mistakes, please.

I have so many headcanons about John and would like to explore them. It comes easier to me to write in John's perspective but in a time I would love to work up to Bob's POVs.

I take and even welcome constructive criticism.

Also I suck at naming things in general and as you can see it clearly includes my writing. Will try to work on that.

[lokisprettygirl]

Fix You Fix me (Bill Skarsgård! Eric Draven x Female Reader) (Au)

Read chapter 2 here

Chapter 3

Summary : After online bullying you decided to not continue but Eric won't let you quit.

Warning: Fat shaming, body shaming, manipulation, reader lacks bit of a spine, emotional abuse, reader's weight will be mentioned because the fic demands it

You turned around immediately and called Jake but he didn't pick up. It was 5:50 am. You felt the panic building up and it was as if you'd collapse if you won't sit down right then. So you ran back home as fast as you could, you didn't want to go there anymore, didn't want to face any of those people who may have seen her post and read the comments.

You didn't want to face Eric.

For some reason you couldn't stop imagining the worst. Eric and Regina, cozying up together and laughing at all the comments.

As you reached back to your apartment you dumped your duffel bag on the floor before you crawled into the bed, your arm wrapped around Jake's back and that's when you broke down in tears again.

A few seconds later he shifted in his sleep.

“Are you back already?” He immediately sat up, grabbing his phone to check the time..it was barely six.

“Thank god” he murmured as he turned to face you “What's going on?” He asked as he found you sniffling

“Can you just hold me?” You asked him so he sighed and wrapped his arm around you.

A cry baby. That's what he called you. You cried at the drop of a hat. Somebody raised their voice, you cried, someone was rude, you cried, a minor inconvenience and you cried so this was really a big deal for you. You had never felt so humiliated before. You knew that picture would go around, being shared on reddit and tumblr and whatnot as a joke. You didn't want to tell Jake but he'd eventually find out.

“What happened? I asked you a question..” he asked again so you pulled away from him..

“I texted you yesterday that I met Regina Blanc at the gym right?” You said to him as you wiped your tears so he hummed, you could tell he just wanted to go back to sleep as he'd have to be at the hospital soon.

“She was really nice to me..we got to talking and she clicked a selfie with me” tears welled up in your eyes again, he almost rolled his eyes.

“Continue, honeybear?”

“She posted it on her instagram last night..you know she has like 2 million followers.. and they just..they were so mean” you broke down in tears again, scooting closer to feel his warmth but he pulled you away from him.

“What picture? Show me?” He asked you so you grabbed your phone from the nightstand and gave it to him.

As soon as he saw the picture he grimaced visibly.

“Why would you let her post this?” He asked you as he opened the comment section.

“I didn't..she said she wanted to post..I just..-”

“You just what hmm?” He asked as he sat up and began to pull his pants up. “Are you blind or something? Have you seen the picture? What were you expecting really? Like look at yourself and look at her” he said as she shoved your phone in your face before he stormed into the bathroom.

He was embarrassed. As he should be but it still hurt. You didn’t move. You couldn’t.

The phone slipped from your hands and landed somewhere on the mattress, the screen still glowing faintly in the early morning light. Jake’s words kept echoing in your ears

“Look at yourself and look at her.”

Like you weren’t even in the same species as her.

You laid there, frozen, each breath shaky and shallow, trying not to cry again because you knew how much he hated that. But the tears came anyway. Quietly. Shamefully. You pressed your hand against your mouth to muffle the sound as he came out of the bathroom.

“Ask your new bestie to delete it before my colleagues or god forbid my family members get a grip of it alright?” He said as he dressed up.

“Where are you going?” You asked him, voice still broken from the crying.

“Well my sleep is ruined now ..I'm going to the hospital”

“No stay..I'll make breakfast” you sat up immediately but he glared at you.

“I don't think you're in a position to make me anything right now”

You flinched like he had slapped you.

He slipped his watch on with that same cold detachment, grabbed his bag, and walked toward the door.

You heard the sound of the door thudding loudly as he left.

Your phone kept buzzing with new notifications so you picked it up. There was a message from Eric

Eric : You're late

You sniffled before you typed out your response

You : I'm sorry i wasted your time. I won't be able to continue

You sent the message, a part of you wanted to delete it but he had already seen it. Another thing you couldn't keep up with. Jake was right, you didn't take it seriously, no wonder he wasn't too keen on taking you to see his parents.

No Response came from Eric for a few minutes. Why would he care, you thought? You were just a client, another client that stepped into his gym for a day and then never returned.

You weren't really expecting any response from him but then your phone buzzed again. You began making excuses in your head already as to why you didn't want to continue.

Eric : Is it about the picture?

You sat up as you read the message. You weren't expecting that. Not from him. Did he feel bad for you? Probably not. He just wanted to keep a paying client.

You : No

You responded, not wanting him to see how much it has affected but then he surprised you again.

Eric : You don't have to lie

You sighed before you typed again.

You : Well then yes. It's my fault, i looked a mess and i should have told her I wasn't comfortable with it being posted publicly.

*Buzz buzz*

You read the response and he took you by storm again, you were expecting a pitiful response but not this.

Eric : You looked happy

You didn't know why but those three words made your eyes well up again. There was no over exaggeration. He just put it plainly.

You : For a minute i was

You : But then it all came crashing down

You stared at the screen, the conversation unfolding in a direction you hadn't expected. You didn't expect him to care at all. You had already paid for six sessions, he wasn't the one who had anything to lose here.

Eric : Why? Because a bunch of faceless trolls with miserable lives typed out their frustration?

You couldn't help but snicker at the response.

You : Easy for you to say

What would he know? He was Regina's boyfriend, people loved him and then as a couple. He was 6 '4, well built, handsome man with one of the most unique looking faces you had ever seen.

Eric : Might be. Doesn't make it any less true. You showed up to a place even though you didn't feel as if you belonged here. That's courage. Don't stop because some jealous, jobless freaks want to pull you down.

You took a deep breath as you read the message.

Courage. No one had ever used that word for you before, not without the intended mockery. You felt the tears sting your eyes again, but this time it wasn’t shame dragging them out. It was something warmer, something you weren’t used to. You typed the message as you wiped your tears.

You : I just feel like everyone would laugh at me

He responded immediately

Eric : Nobody would. The real world is not instagram, you'd be surprised how many people can only grow a spine behind a screen.

Eric : Besides. I don't tolerate bullying here, it's a safe space for everyone. If you feel like you're being mocked, you come to me. I'll handle it

His answer brought a sudden surge of encouragement in your veins.

His message shouldn’t have made you feel better—but it did. There was something oddly grounding about the way he phrased it. Not soft, not pitying, just matter-of-fact. Like you did belong there.

You : Why are you being so nice?

Eric : I'm not being nice. I'm your personal trainer. It's part of my job to keep you motivated.

You : It's 6:30.. should I come tomorrow then?

You couldn't see it but on the other side Eric's mouth had curved into a genuine smile. That was rare for him.

Eric : Come now if you want to. I'm free till 8

You peeled yourself out of the bed and the self pity to quickly wash your face, then you grabbed the bag and ran out of your apartment.

You reached the gym just before 6:47. The lights were already on inside. You hesitated at the door, pulse thudding a little too fast but then you entered.

As he looked at you he didn’t smile, not fully. But his face softened, and he gave you the smallest nod, like you had passed some kind of silent test just by showing up.

“Twelve minutes,” he said, glancing at the clock. “Not bad”

“I ran all the way” You gave a small shrug, trying to steady your voice.

“Good. That counts as your warm-up.”

You rolled your eyes, but something in your chest loosened.

You’d made it. You were here. And somehow, that felt like a win. You weren't going to give up.

“Ummm I'm still sorry about it” you said as you followed him into the gym area. The black gym t-shirt he had on hugged his ripped physique tightly. If you had any knowledge of anatomy you would have been able to name every muscle.

“About what?” He asked nonchalantly, shoving aside the whole mess as if you hadn't wasted his last hour.

And you were grateful for it .

For the first time in your life you touched the weights, but Jake always told you that he wasn't into the whole muscle barbie movement women were on these days so you were worried about it.

“Ummm i don't want to get too muscular” he rolled his eyes as you said that.

“You think you'll start to look like the incredible hulk after pumping 5 lbs?” he asked. He had a lot to teach you about anatomy it seems.

“No?”

Chest press. Shoulder press. Lat pulldown down. 3 sets of each had your shoulders and arms burning. But he wasn't done with you. You did six more exercises, all of it involving your upper body in some capacity. Much to your surprise you did enjoy exercising with weights much more than the hell that was burpees and jumping jacks.

“Come to the gym tomorrow in the evening or anytime you want” he said to you as you were signing your exit on the register.

“I'm just so clueless without your help” you let out a small chuckle.

“I'll help”

He said to you, you looked at him to be sure he wasn't joking.

“I'm only paying for alternate sessions”

“I know..i said I'll help” Eric said again.

You nodded before you turned to step out of the gym. You were half an hour late for work but you figured you'd make an excuse. On the way to work you called Regina, you felt nervous but you really needed that picture deleted before Jake would get even more upset or god forbid his colleagues find it.

She didn't pick up your call so you texted her.

You : Hey Regina. It's y/n..can you please delete the picture you posted of us? I just don't feel good about myself

You texted her, it was delivered but she hadn't seen it yet.

At the library you kept checking your phone, around 2 in the afternoon you finally got the response.

Regina : Sure

That's all she sent. You didn't know why but it sounded off, you checked the instagram but it was still there. When another hour passed you messaged her again.

You : Ummm it's still up”

She was quick to respond this time.

Regina : Girllllll I am busy :) ? I'll do it soon..i asked you and you seemed fine with it yesterday.

You : Yeah but ..I just..it makes me uncomfortable.

She saw the message but didn't respond afterwards.

You understood that she was busy but it takes a second to delete a post. Why didn't she just delete it?

**********

In the evening Regina entered The Crow at her usual time. Not one single strand of hair was amiss.

“Hey can you sign?” Chance asked her so she rolled her eyes.

“No?”

She entered the gym area and as she spotted Eric she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

“Can we make a video today?” She asked him, he brought his fingers up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“I have clients until 8.. tomorrow?” She sighed before she nodded. Her phone buzzed so she took it out of her wallet.

“God why can't she just let it be?” She said in frustration, Eric's brow quirked up in curiosity, usually he preferred to keep himself far away from her Social Media drama until or unless she was being bothered or hurt by someone.

“What happened?”

“It's that girl y/n.. she wants me to delete the picture”

She said, as if it was a huge inconvenience to her.

“Do it then” she looked up at him to match his eyes as he said that.

“Did you see how many likes it has?” she chuckled.

“Did you read the comments?” He retorted immediately as he pulled her away from him.

“Those are just trolls..they have never bothered you when I post our pictures”

She chuckled again.

“It's not about me though. It's about y/n. She feels humiliated by it so just delete it” he said to her, his voice firm “Besides she's a client here. She's paying to get better..not for online bullying..it's bad for the business” he added as he realised he sounded a bit too agitated.

“Fine..I'll do it.. I thought this was cute..she looked fine to me” she huffed as she went to her profile and deleted the picture.

He almost responded with She did but caught his lips at time. Regina wasn't outright mean, she just loved attention and sometimes at the expense of others.

“Done..happy?” She asked as she wrapped her arms around him again.

“It's not about me”

“I know I know.. listen, do you have five minutes?”

She asked as she bit on her lips. He knew that look very well so he smirked.

“I might”

She squealed as she grabbed his arm and took him to the small room in the back where he often rested in between the clients.

********

That day when you reached home and opened the instagram you let out a breath of relief as the picture was now gone from her profile and so were those horrible comments.

“Thank you”

You texted Regina and then you texted Jake to let him know that the picture was deleted.

That night your mom called you, she was chronically online and she followed Regina so she must have seen the photo. You already had a paragraph of text sitting in your inbox from her but you didn't want to open it

“Look I got it deleted so it's all good” you said to her because she was getting hyper.

“Dear God y/n, do you ever think about Jake when you do these things? He's a prestigious doctor for god's sake”

You hummed as she said that before you made an excuse and hung up on her.

Next day at the gym you saw Regina running on the treadmill so you took the one next to her. You couldn't help but stare at her figure, how come she looked like that? You couldn't find a flaw in her.

“Hey..I'm sorry if I was rude yesterday” you said to her, hoping she wasn't upset.

She didn't respond to you but then she slowed down the elevator and took her airpods out.

“You said something?’ she asked you so you repeated.

“Oh nevermind. I was just busy or I'd have done it sooner, I don't get time to breathe-” she groaned as she wiped the sweat from her face with her towel. “You know how it is..brand deals, promotions, events and I gotta post daily vlogs for my fans ..it gets so hectic” she smiled so you nodded

“I get it”

Regina smiled, satisfied with your acceptance of her situation, and popped her AirPods back in without another word. You tried to focus on your treadmill, but all you could think about was how casual and dismissive she seemed as compared to yesterday.. maybe you had pissed her off.

You finished your run and stepped off the machine, muscles still sore from yesterday’s session. As you reached for your water bottle, you felt a presence beside you.

As you turned it was Eric.

“Come with me,” he said to you so you nodded.

You followed him through the gym, past the weights and machines, until you reached a quiet corner with a heavy punching bag suspended from the ceiling. The room smelled like rubber mats and lavender. It was oddly comforting.

“Have you ever boxed before?” he asked, pulling two pairs of gloves from the shelf, you couldn't help but chuckle.

“This one time I wanted to punch this kid in my class but that's as close i have gotten to punching something or someone”

“Good,” he said as he tossed you a pair of wraps first. “These go under the gloves. Protect your hands, knuckles, and wrists”

You fumbled with them until Eric stepped in front of you.

“Here” he said before he started to wrap your hands with practiced precision. His touch was careful. Respectful. His fingers brushed your skin only when necessary.

He then helped you put the gloves on, tightening the straps for you. His hands were firm but gentle. You didn’t realize how tense you were until you felt your shoulders start to relax under his intense stare.

He then asked you whether you were right handed or left even though he already knew.

“Alright” he said, stepping back. “First things first..stance”

He guided you into a fighter’s stance, shifting your feet shoulder-width apart, dominant foot behind, knees slightly bent.

“Keep your hands up here” he said, lifting your gloved fists near your face. “Elbows tucked in. Protect your face and ribs. Always.”

You did as he said, mimicking the motion awkwardly. This was something new for you.

“Now the jab. It’s your dominant hand..quick, direct” He stood across from you, one hand raised as a target “Aim for my palm.”

“You won't get hurt?” You asked him so he shook his head, you reached for his palm but you were still conscious.

“Again” he said, calmly “Turn your hips a little. You punch from the ground up..use your whole body, not just your arm”

You tried again. This time, your glove smacked into his hand with more force and made a loud sound.

“Better.”

Over the next few minutes, he drilled you on the jab, the cross, the hook, you learned the names as he went along. You felt like you should be writing it down because you didn't think you'd remember it.. Each time you got frustrated, he corrected you gently. You were still holding back on those punches so he suddenly grabbed both of your wrists and made you look at him.

“Stop thinking about it so much,” he said, his nose flaring in anger. “Feel it. Let the force come from whatever it is that is bothering you” he said firmly so you nodded.

You thought about it. You thought about all the comments you had read yesterday's, your mother's disapproval, the way Jake was so disappointed in you.

And eventually you felt your anger rising up.. When he finally led you to the punching bag, you weren’t swinging blindly, you were hitting with intent.

“You feel that?” he asked, as the bag shuddered under your fist.

You nodded, breathless, a strange satisfaction thrumming through your arms and chest.

Eric stepped beside you, hands on his hips, watching you with something unreadable in his expression.

“Should I go harder?”

“Yeah. However hard you need to.”

You kept swinging. Your arms ached. Your breath came in short bursts. But the more you hit the bag, the lighter you felt, like the weight you’d been carrying since yesterday or maybe even before that was finally off your chest.

Eventually, you slowed down, sweat dripping down your temples, heart pounding like a drum in your chest. Eric handed you a towel, his gaze steady.

“Take an epsom salt bath when you go home today,” he said as he unwrapped your hands so you nodded. That sounded heavenly.

As you reached the front desk Chance smiled at you so you returned it.

“You had a great workout it seems” he commented as he looked at your sweaty palm so you nodded.

“He's a good trainer..”

“Couldn't ask for anyone better” you nodded as he said that. How he had handled you yesterday, you were starting to believe it too.

“Did Regina leave?” you asked as you didn't see her name in the register, entry or exit. He nodded in confirmation before he leaned back into his chair.

Later that night after your bath as you laid down in bed and opened Instagram. Regina never followed you back even though she posted that picture and tagged you. You couldn't help but open Eric's instagram profile. It was very professional, all he posted was about the gym and his services. He had a few pictures on his grid with Regina but they were all from the gym, nothing personal.

You clicked on a picture he had updated a month ago, he had his arm around Regina as they posed for a picture, she smiled enough for both of them.

And then you opened the comment section, there were few gushing about them as a couple, some thirsting after him, but then you saw some comments that you didn't expect to see on his profile.

Mean comments.

“Regina’s literally carrying this couple. Why does he always look like he just crawled out of a coffin 😭?”

Then there was another one, right under it.

“Our queen could do so much better. He looks like he hasn’t slept in years”

And then more..

“This is what she’s dating? Yikes. He looks like a villain from a horror movie”

Your stomach twisted. You glanced back at the photo. Eric wasn’t smiling, but he never really did, not even in real life but you'd have to be feature blind to think he was ugly in any shape or form. You couldn't stop yourself from scrolling further.

“I don’t care how many abs he has or how tall he is.. that face is tragic.”

What was Reginasbeautifulangel on about? He had such a beautiful face.

“Right out of a tim burton film but not in a good way 😂”

You quickly exited the comments, suddenly feeling sick of these people. You didn’t understand how people could be so casually cruel. You wondered if he had read them. If they had ever gotten to him.

You thought about how motivating he was with you today. How he listened, how he saw you without judgment.

He carried himself with such confidence. Never showed even a flicker of insecurity. But maybe that’s what made it worse. That even someone like Eric..someone who looked like that also had to endure the kind of judgment you thought only people like you received.

You were about to close the app and go to sleep but then a notification popped up

EricDraven92 requested to follow you.

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Taglist @loushaw131460 @wiseyouthinfluencer @purplerainx1 @bloodykisserr @muchwita @mariaenchanted

[preciouslittlebhaalbae]

Indelible Imprints

Chapter 17

Word Count: 14K

Summary:

Erin tries to create a boundary, and leaves Astarion behind on their trip to the crèche. He deals with that about as well as you'd expect.

CW: SMUT!! SLOWBURN ENDS!!

As always, comments & reblogs are so appreciated! I love chatting about bg3 and making friends, so don't be afraid to say hi!

Ao3

Previous Chapters: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16]

Tag list: @roguishcat @thisisew @chaoticbardlady99 @bby-bel-art @beewilko @rahuratna

Please let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist!

Erin

Erin gritted her teeth, fists clenching tightly at her sides, fingernails digging into her palms. Her eyes stung as she held her breath, willing tears not to fall until she got to her own tent. She didn’t want to cry. There was no reason to. It was all just so… embarrassing.

She should have just stopped him from the beginning, instead of letting him kiss her like that. She knew better. But it had been so sudden, the moment his lips touched hers, her mind had gone blank. When she realized what was happening, that he was kissing her, it felt too good to stop. So she kissed him back.

The kiss had felt so urgent, like he needed to kiss her the way a person needed to breathe. Like he really wanted her. It made her wonder if she’d been wrong to refuse him at the party. If she’d been wrong not to take Shadowheart’s advice the night before. Thinking of the feel of his touch on her skin, the way he pulled at her waist, made her shiver. His lips had felt so soft and warm and good on hers. It all made her forget why she’d ever stopped kissing him before.

Then her stupid phone brought her back to reality.

Maybe it shouldn’t have mattered. But knowing he was only kissing her because of some stupid picture he found made her feel stupid and embarrassed. Like she’d been right from the start and none of it was genuine. It hurt when he finally admitted he only did it because he was bored, but she felt worse for being surprised at all. He certainly wasn’t the first person to put on an act just to fuck her, or who had been cruel to her when he didn’t get what he wanted.

Maybe that was all she was to him. Entertainment while they were stuck traveling together. He’d been this way with her before, flirting like he only wanted to get in her pants. He didn’t even seem to like her, then. Maybe it was naive, but she’d thought they’d become closer. Thought they were friends. Now she just felt like an idiot.

Crossing the long-extinguished campfire, she approached her tent, wishing she could just disappear. That she’d miraculously find a door inside, leading her back home to her apartment where she would never have to see him again. She’d go back to her life the way it was, where nothing crazy or dangerous ever happened and vampires didn’t even exist, let alone kiss you. Eventually, she’d convince herself that all of this had only ever been a dream.

Considering the way she’d arrived in Faerûn, it didn’t seem like such a ridiculous thing to hope for. Even though she knew it could never be that easy. Still, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed as she stepped inside her tent to it was the same as always. No magic doors.

Sitting down on her bedroll, she blinked the tears from her eyes.

If she could just make a plan, she could stop thinking about this. About him. If she couldn’t magically disappear, she could at least mitigate the risk of making an even bigger fool of herself. She could just limit her interactions with him from now on. The affection she felt, the wanting - she could nip it in the bud. There were seven of them traveling together. Plenty of companions to buffer interactions.

Brushing her fingers softly over the scars on her neck, she made a decision. She pushed herself back up, wiped the tears from her face, and stepped outside again.

It was dark, and everyone had gone to bed for the night. Candlelight still flickered through the fabric of Gale’s tent, though, so she made her way there.

Tentatively, she asked, “Gale?”

A curious hum came from inside the tent before he poked his head out to greet her.

“Erin?” he asked. His brows knit together, expression shifting from curiosity to one of slight concern as he looked at her. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” she lied, looking down and hoping it was too dark for him to notice she’d been crying. “I was just wondering if you might be able to help me with something.”

He perked a bit, smile returning as he asked, “Oh?”

“Well, I just thought… since you can do magic and all?” She gestured to the bite mark on her neck. “You know these scars? They never healed, even though I don’t have scars from any of the other injuries I’ve gotten here. I was wondering if you could help me get rid of them?”

“Ah, yes,” he nodded, looking at the bite mark on her neck. “I believe that’s from the first time he bit you, yes? When you, erm,” He looked awkwardly to the side, “Died?” Glancing back at her, he seemed almost embarrassed to bring it up.

Following the connection he was making, Erin nodded. “You think that’s why they haven’t healed?” she asked.

He shrugged, as though he weren’t willing to fully commit to his own suggestion. “It’s just a guess - I’m no healer.” He raised a curious brow at her. “Are you sure you don’t want to ask Shadowheart?”

She was sure. Shadowheart was getting to know her well enough that she might guess something was wrong. Erin didn’t think she’d push her to talk about it, but she didn’t want to risk it. It would only make her feel more naive and foolish if she talked about it right now. Being this upset already made her feel ridiculous. Saying any of what she was feeling out loud would just make her feel like a child complaining that a boy had hurt her feelings.

“She’s sleeping, I don’t want to bother her.” Erin insisted.

Gale hummed. “Well, if you don’t want to wait… I might not be able to heal it, but I’m quite good with illusions. I could help you hide it, if you like.”

She supposed that would be good enough for now.

***

Once she was back in her tent, Erin brushed her fingers over her neck. Thanks to her new earring, the bite mark was no longer visible. But she could still feel it. Scar tissue raised the skin where Astarion’s teeth had punctured through, and she could still feel the shape of it beneath her fingertips. Touching it brought the feel of his lips against her skin to the front of her mind, and she quickly brought her hands down from her neck. Her lips still buzzed with the faint tingle left from his kiss when she thought about it.

In an attempt to banish the sensation, she pulled her compact mirror from her duffel and stared at the smooth skin on her neck where the scar should be. The earring Gale had enchanted for her glinted just above her neck in the reflection. He’d handed her a few pieces of jewelry he’d collected over their travels and told her to pick something she wouldn’t mind wearing daily. She settled on a tiny hoop with a small silver dagger hanging from its base.

If she looked at her bare neck long enough, she could eventually pretend there was nothing there at all. If she never touched it, she wouldn’t have to feel the imprint he’d left on her skin.

Out of habit, she ran her fingers over the embroidery on the bottom of her shirt, until she remembered that he’d sewn it for her.

She pulled the shirt off, folding it so she couldn’t see the design. Once she’d put something else on, she picked the shirt back up and looked over to the lute in the corner of her tent. She didn’t really want to get rid of it, but she didn’t want anything he’d given her left in her tent anymore.

It’s not like I really have time to play it .

After a moment of hesitation, she picked it up and headed out toward the camp’s communal trunk. The group mostly kept potions, things they planned to sell or trade, and things they hadn’t sorted through yet inside. Quietly lifting the top, she set the lute inside, holding her palm over the neck to keep the strings from ringing out. Less carefully, she tossed the shirt beside it and closed the lid again before going back to her tent for the night.

It would be easier to sleep without reminders of him in there.

Astarion

Erin had been avoiding Astarion that morning, and he was brooding. She wouldn’t even look at him. Fine. She could spend all morning being petty if he wanted. She couldn’t avoid him forever. At least, he hoped she couldn’t.

While the group ate breakfast, he busied himself with preparing his pack for the day. He needed more potions. Erin was always hurting herself, and he never seemed to have any on hand when that happened. A simple antidote would have probably been more effective than him sucking the poison out of her wouldn’t in the Goblin Camp. He knew they kept some with their supplies in the camp, so he headed to the shared trunk to check. On his way, he thought about what else he should pick up. Poisons might be useful, but how effective would they be against a Githyanki? He knew very little of the people. Were they even susceptible to poison? He’d have to ask Lae’zel. She’d probably scoff at him and call it a coward’s weapon. The brute.

His thoughts drifted back to Erin. She would likely be avoiding him today after what he’d said to her, and he wondered how he might get her alone for a private conversation. He wasn’t exactly sure of what he’d say to her. What did you say to someone after telling them you’d only kissed them because you were bored? How would he explain to her that it wasn’t boredom when he couldn’t quite figure the reason himself?

Why was apologizing so damn hard?

Sighing, he lifted the lid of the trunk. Everything went blank when he looked inside. All thoughts of apologies left him.

The lute he’d given her was sitting atop the mess of various items filling the trunk, and lying crumpled at the base of the instrument, was the shirt he’d mended for her. His stomach dropped as he stared, and he attempted to swallow the weight he suddenly felt in his throat.

Seeing the first gifts he could remember ever giving anyone discarded so carelessly amongst the camp’s unsorted junk stung more than he was prepared for. He didn’t know what to do with the feeling. He knew he’d upset her, but this seemed unnecessary.

True, he’d stolen the lute, and he’d only done a bit of embroidery on a shirt she’d already had, but giving them to her had meant something to him. Gifting her the instrument may have been motivated by his goal to ingratiate himself to her initially, but a part of him had put it in her tent simply because he thought she would like it. She’d mentioned playing something similar before, and he’d hoped she might have more occasion to sing if she could accompany herself. It hadn’t really been the case so far, he’d only heard her softly strum it to herself from her tent as she tried to learn the new instrument a few times. But still, he’d hoped.

The embroidery had meant… more. He wanted to do more than mend the shirt, wanted to add something beautiful to it. Wanted her to think of him when she wore it. And when she’d seen it… that was when she’d kissed him for the first time. It had changed things between them.

Still, he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised. He didn’t have much to give, and what he’d given her so far wasn’t worth anything, really. It had only been a matter of time before Erin discarded them. Knowing that didn’t stop it from hurting, though. Especially when the time had come so soon.

He caught a faint whiff of lavender and rose in the air. Erin was making her way toward him. He swallowed his disappointment, closing the lid to the trunk, and turned to watch her approach. She kept her eyes on the ground, apparently intent on not looking at him directly.

“Hello darling,” he smiled tightly, voice clipped.

She frowned at the greeting.

“Hey,” she said, keeping her eyes on the ground.

It irritated him that she wouldn’t look at him, especially after trashing the things he’d given her as though they’d meant nothing to her. That had to be why she was coming to him now, she must have known he’d see them. So he waited for her to say something, to explain.

Instead, she simply said, “I think you should stay in camp today.”

“What?” he started, in disbelief. “ Why? ”

Glaring at her as she fussed with the hem of her shirt, he felt his irritation with her avoidance rising. He wanted to reach out and grab her face to make her look at him.

“I was just thinking…” she said. “It would probably be best if you didn’t drink from me directly anymore.”

A cold panic started to spread through his chest. Had he really ruined things with her so much? It was only a kiss! Drinking from her had been the closest thing to a blessing he’d ever received, and her she was, taking it away like it was nothing. He might not have been able to believe it if he hadn’t already been so used to disappointment.

“I’ll still give you my blood,” she rushed to say, as though that suddenly made everything better. As though she weren’t telling him that she didn’t want him near her anymore. That she was done with him. “We’ll just go back to the jars. And I’m going to need my strength for whatever Lae’zel’s taking us into today, so I can’t be bloodless. I’ll fill some jars for you when I get back, but until then, I think you should just stay in camp so you don’t sap your strength on an empty stomach.”

She looked off to the side, as though she couldn’t wait to escape this conversation. Like she was the person being hurt in this exchange.

And that’s when he noticed her neck. The skin was smooth without a single scar in sight. The bite marks he’d left were gone. Any sign he’d ever touched her, vanished.

His face hardened. Masking none of the bitterness in his voice, he responded, “If that’s what you want, I suppose I don’t have a say.”

She nodded, turning to leave. Without him.

Erin

She was relieved to be away from camp. Away from him. No matter how diligently she avoided his gaze, she could feel his eyes on her in camp. It was exhausting. And she didn’t need to see him glaring to know he was angry. He wasn’t exactly subtle about it. But that was fine. He could be as angry as he wanted for all she cared. She wasn’t exactly thrilled with him right now, either.

She’d gotten too close to him. Cared too much what he thought of her, how he felt. That’s why it stung so much, to feel used and discarded according to a stupid whim he had in his tent. Like he was entitled to kiss her just because he felt like it. Because he was bored.

Creating a boundary would. A little distance might ease the anger until it wasn’t there anymore. Now she wouldn’t have to wonder about any complicated feelings between them. She could just go back to believing that this entire situation was temporary, and she’d find her way back home soon. Keeping him at arm’s length was better. Everything would be easier now.

She’d remind herself until she believed it.

Erin followed at the back of the group, often finding herself distracted by the scenery as Lae’zel took the lead on their way to the crèche. They were in a gorgeous mountainside, covered in lush greenery. The day’s sun left a golden glow over everything, and every now and then she would just close her eyes and feel the warmth of it on her skin before catching up to the others.

Wyll walked at the head of the group, beside Lae’zel, listening as she instructed him on what they needed to do once they encountered Githyanki. Mostly it was just shutting up and following Lae’zel’s lead. Shadowheart trailed closely behind them, contributing an eye-roll now and then.

Erin wondered how Gale and Karlach were doing back at camp. Dammon, the blacksmith from the refugee camp, had helped Karlach adjust the heat of her engine before the party last night with some special sort of metal they’d found in the goblin camp. Gale had recognized it, and agreed to help her sort through some of the camp inventory and search the old forge they’d found in the ruined village after to see if they could find any more. The village wasn’t too far from where they’d camped, and both groups expected to be back by the end of the day if things went smoothly at the crèche. Astarion had opted to stay in camp rather than follow Gale and Karlach.

She tried not to think about how Astarion was doing.

Instead, she focused on the ruined building Lae’zel had led them to. It looked like a church to Erin, one of the famous ones she would have had to travel abroad to see back home. As Lae’zel struggled with the main entrance door, Erin stared in awe at the stained glass windows surrounding them. Some had been shattered and covered with boards, but what had been left was beautiful, catching sunlight in prismatic rays. She touched the glass, tracing the silver welding between colors.

“Seems Astarion might have been useful here,” Shadowheart said, coming to stand beside Erin.

Erin glanced at Lae’zel trying to force the massive door open and shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll make do.”

Shadowheart eyed her carefully. “It just seems odd he’d stay behind. Normally he’s trailing you like a shadow.”

Erin didn’t say anything for a while, but she felt Shadowheart’s eyes on her as she continued to observe the stained glass.

“I told him to stay behind,” Erin said finally.

Shadowheart frowned. “Why?”

She shrugged again. “I just thought it would be better to have some distance. I’ll actually need your help filling a few blood jars for him when we get back, if you don’t mind.”

Shadowheart sighed. “Is there any point in asking what happened?”

Erin shook her head. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Well, It’s about time everyone else got a chance to spend time with you anyway.” Shadowheart smiled and wrapped a comforting arm around Erin’s shoulder. “He was terribly greedy with your company.”

Erin laughed. “I didn’t realize it was such a coveted commodity.”

“Of course it is,” she dismissed her comment with a wave of her hand. “It’s not often you meet someone from another world.”

“Technically, Lae’zel’s not really from here either,” Erin pointed out.

Shadowheart rolled her eyes. “Yes, well you’re much more pleasant to talk to.”

“I think Lae’zel is pleasant in her own way. Very straightforward. You never have to guess what she’s thinking or feeling…”

Unlike some people .

Shadowheart gave her a knowing look, but before she could press her further, Wyll interrupted.

“Lae’s found the entrance. Looks like there’s a few guards stationed there, but she thinks they’ll let us pass if she takes the lead.”

“Who put her in charge?” Shadowheart asked, annoyed.

“I mean, she is the only Githyanki out of us,” Erin shrugged. “Besides, it’ll be nice to let someone else do all the talking for once.”

Wyll nodded, then pressed his finger to his lips in a hushing motion before leading them to where Lae’zel waited.

Astarion

She was a godsdamned idiot if she thought he’d be staying behind in camp.

Following them undetected wasn’t difficult. Lae’zel’s heavy armor was loud enough that he could keep up with them at a distance, and Erin seemed determined to not look back. He’d trailed them quietly, slipping into shade and corners once they’d reached the monastery where the Gith had apparently taken up residence.

Once they’d gone inside, he pulled a small vial from his pocket. Through the clear glass it looked empty, but liquid sloshed inside when he gave it a shake. They’d only collected a few potions of invisibility in their travels so far, and he didn’t want to waste the ones he’d stolen from the supply trunk. The effects would only last about an hour, and he hoped it would be enough. He threw it back, drinking quickly, and watched as his hand disappeared, then his arm, and finally the rest of him. He’d noticed a side entrance that led directly into the crèche and stepped silently through, stopping his breathing as he slipped past Githyanki standing guard at what seemed to be their quartermaster’s station.

Passing through and into a corridor, he could just make out the faint scent of Erin’s soap in the air. He walked through the crèche, careful to remain silent as he made his way. It wasn’t until he heard her voice crying out that he broke into a run.

He burst through a door where her trail had led him, then stopped abruptly at the scene before him, unsure of what exactly he was seeing. They all stood before a monstrosity of a contraption where Lae’zel sat at its center. The chaos of the machine had them so distracted that no one seemed to notice the door had opened. He ripped his gaze from Lae’zel to find Erin and felt a wave of relief wash over him at the realization she wasn’t hurt. Another Githyanki stood close by, looking like some sort of mad doctor. Confused, he turned to look again where Lae’zel writhed and grunted under the machine. It was a strange conglomeration of mechanical and organic elements, looking as though pieces of metal were strapped haphazardly to flesh that was alarmingly similar to the construction of the Nautiloid that had kidnapped them.

Erin was shouting to her over the wretched cacophony of machinery, what he now assumed to be the Zaith’isk they had come in search of.

“Lae’zel, you have to stop!” Erin cried desperately.

“Don’t you dare take my glory away from me!” the Gith growled back.

So, are they just going to let this thing kill her? Is that the plan?

The mad doctor smiled in sick glee. “That's it, you're almost there. The zaith'isk never fails!” she cried, sounding near rapturous.

Astarion looked back at Erin as she pleaded with Lae’zel, trying to reason with her.

“It’s killing you!” she shouted.

Something passed between the two of them then, and he knew she was opening her mind to her. Erin doubled over suddenly as though she were suddenly in great pain. As though she could feel what was happening to the Gith. Lae’zel roared, a combination of grief and fury at whatever Erin had shown her through their connection, before ripping her arms free of the constraints that held her. She jumped from the machine only a moment before it exploded.

“No - NO!” the mad doctor screamed. “The Zaith’isk… What have you done? My life’s work… gone.” She turned her gaze from her broken machine toward Lae’zel, features tightening as she glared at her. “And yet you live. And so does your parasite.”

Lae’zel glared in return, eyes brimming with rage. “What madness is this? The Zaith’isk nearly destroyed me!”

When the doctor only glared back, Lae’zel screamed in frustration.

“I AM GITHYANKI. I WILL NOT BE GHAIK! ”

The doctor walked calmly to her desk. At the far end, there was an elaborate heavy crossbow. She picked it up, turning back to Lae’zel.

“No. You won’t.”

Astarion heard the heavy armor of two Githyanki soldiers entering the room.

“Get them!” the mad doctor shouted.

It all happened quickly, Astarion hardly had an opportunity to do anything as Lae’zel, Wyll, and Shadowheart leapt into action. He felt a stupid glimmer of joy as he watched Erin pull her bow from her back and realized she hadn’t thrown away every gift he’d given her. She turned to aim toward on of the Gith near the door, but stopped as she turned toward Astarion. It was almost as though she were looking directly at him, but that didn’t make sense. The effects of the invisibility potion hadn’t worn off yet. Then he remembered she’d seen two invisible attacker back at the goblin camp.

So that wasn’t a fluke. Does she realize she’s doing that?

“What are you doing here?” she shouted at him, banishing any question to whether she could see him or not.

The Gith by the door had both made their approach, and Astarion noticed as they both looked to where he was standing for a moment, gazes moving past him before they shrugged and continued toward Erin. He took the opportunity to knife one of them directly in the back before they could attack her.

The second soldier’s head snapped back to where he still couldn’t see Astarion.

“Where are you, istik? Where do you hide?” he growled, crouching with his sword ready at his side.

Wouldn’t you like to know? Astarion smirked to himself.

Before he or the Gith could make a move, Lae’zel had already gotten there, swinging her greatsword in a large arc, slicing the second Gith soldier’s head clean off.

Erin stared in confusion, but Astarion heard a shuffle to the side and turned to see the Gith doctor on the floor, scrambling for her crossbow.

She couldn’t have decapitated that one?

Astarion raced toward her, the strange Gith aiming her crossbow at Erin. He pushed her aside just as the Gith took her shot. The quarrel released, flying straight to where Erin had stood - where Astarion now stood, and hit him directly in the abdomen.

Standing close by, Shadowheart stared curiously at the crossbow quarrel that, to her eyes, appeared to be floating mid-air.

“Astarion!” Erin shouted, as he hissed at the pain.

“ Astarion? ” Shadowheart asked, confused.

Erin whipped back around and nocked an arrow, shooting the doctor in the head before she had a chance to load another quarrel.

She dropped her bow and rushed to Astarion. He’d already pulled the quarrel out, and was feeling for a pouch on his belt to grab a healing potion. As he quaffed the drink, he felt a warm, tingly rush and watched as his hand appeared holding the bottle before him again. Whether the invisiblity’s time had been spent or the effects had been canceled out by the other potion, he wasn’t sure. The others looked from him to Erin, clearly confused.

“What are you doing here?” Erin asked again.

“What does it look like?” He flashed her a toothy grin. “I’m coming to the rescue of my favorite traveling companion.”

“I told you to stay in camp—

“In any case,” Wyll interjected. “It’s good to have you with us Astarion.”

“Of course it is. I’m indispensable,” he responded glibly, staring at Erin.

Erin ignored him, looking to the others.

“We should make sure the coast is clear. Can you guys look around for any information about the tadpoles in here while Astarion and I go look to see if an alarm’s been raised?” She glanced at on of the dead soldiers on the ground. “And maybe do something about the bodies.”

They nodded, and Erin quickly took Astarion by the arm, yanking him into the corridor away from the others.

“Really, why did you come?” she asked.

He glared at her then.“You don’t get to decide where I go,” he said.

“Okay, then what do I get to decide?” she threw her hands up in frustration. “Because you don’t seem to think I should be able to decide when I want to be left alone, either.”

He cocked a brow. “What?”

“Don’t you think it’s fair for me to want a little space from someone who’s made it clear he doesn’t give a shit about me or my feelings?”

His brows raised in surprise.

Doesn’t give a shit? Gods, he wished that were the problem. He gave way too much of a shit, the fact that he’d followed here at all should have been proof of that.

“I never said—” he started, but she cut him off.

“You didn’t have to,” she said. She ran her hands through her hair, rubbing her fingers lightly into her scalp to soothe her frustration. “I just wanted a day where I didn’t have to worry what you were thinking of me, or deal with you glaring at me and criticizing every decision I make.”

“It’s not exactly easy to know what you’re thinking all the time, either,” he said quietly.

“I’m a lot more forthcoming than you are,” she shot back.

“Look, about yesterday…” Astarion said, trying to think of how to apologize.

“Don’t,” she said, “I’m angry with you, okay? Just leave me alone long enough to get over it. Please.”

Is that what she wanted? To get over it? Get over him? The thought stung more than a little.

“You can be as angry with me as you want, but don’t let it make you stupid,” he insisted. “You need me.” He desperately wanted it to be true.

She sighed. “Maybe I don’t want to need you.”

“Erin, please.”

“No. Just… leave me alone for a while. You can stay with us, just… leave me alone.”

She started walk ahead of him, and he let her. He tried to give her a reasonable amount of distance as he followed her to check and make sure the coast was clear like she’d told the group they would. He hadn’t realized he’d hurt her so much, and though she was still angry with him, he was grateful she didn’t try to tell him to go.

***

“We are permitted to walk so freely,” Lae’zel complained as they walked through the crèche.” No alarm had been raised after their fight in the Zaith’isk room, so they continued to make their way through the place. “Such a lack of discipline would be punished severely in K’liir”

Walk freely? Astarion thought , This place is as tight as a patriar’s purse.

“We should have been disarmed on entry,” she continued her grumbling.

“No doubt they found me too intimidating,” Astarion quipped.

Lae’zel rolled her eyes and moved ahead of him toward Erin and Wyll.

She wasn’t wrong. Astarion was admittedly surprised it had been so easy for him to sneak inside behind them. But good fortune was rare enough for him that he didn’t question it when it did come.

“Appealing to Lae’zel’s sense of humor might not work,” Shadowheart interrupted his thoughts. “I’m not sure she has one, anyway.”

He glanced at her. “I suppose not,” he said.

The Cleric continued to walk beside him. He squinted his eyes and looked at her again for a moment. She was staring at him. Observing.

“ What? ” he asked.

“I’m just wondering what you did to upset Erin so much.”

Gods, nothing is private in this group.

“I don’t really think it’s any of your business,” he sighed, annoyed.

“You’re dumber than I thought.”

“ Excuse me? ” he snapped his head to look at her.

“She’s not like us, Astarion,” the cleric said. “She’s sweet.”

He rolled his eyes before fixing her with a salacious grin. “Oh trust me, I know.”

Shadowheart’s eyes narrowed. “You know what I meant. She cares about you. She’s not just some treat for you to snack on.”

He glared at her. This conversation was getting tedious.

“You don’t know what I think of her. And, as I said before, it’s none of your business.”

“I’m just saying,” she shrugged. “You’ll lose your chance if you keep treating her like she doesn’t matter.”

He turned to look ahead again. “I hope you don’t expect me to thank you for the advice,” he muttered.

“Maybe later,” she started to walk ahead of him to get closer to the head of the group, flashing him a quick grin as she passed him.

Astarion continued walking at the end of the group, annoyed. He didn’t have much time to stew over it though, as they came toward a room at the end of a corridor. He felt an insistent push into his mind, and as the others clutched at their own heads, clearly feeling it as well, he heard the voice of their so-called guardian.

You must turn back. Go no further into this territory, it is too dangerous.

The voice and sensation quieted, and he looked to Erin. She seemed hesitant to move on, but Lae’zel pushed past her. Erin shook her head, then followed.

They walked into a room with a few soldiers, one at a desk barking orders, clearly in command of the group. Astarion lingered in the back of the room, casually leaning against the wall beside the door as the others walked up toward the woman. She glanced up from the maps and correspondence on her desk to look at Erin and the group. Her eyes flicked back toward Astarion before she addressed Erin.

“Speak, istik . I’m told you were one of the mercenaries sent to bring the weapon.”

The weapon?

Erin paused, Lae’zel staring at her intensely.

The push on his mind came back. Not as much of a shock this time, the others didn’t react, but he knew they felt it too.

Don’t tell her anything.

Erin responded to the commander slowly, “We were told to seek your Inquisitor.”

“The Inquisitor? On what grounds?”

“I have important information for him.”

“Information? Chk! ” she scoffed. “If it’s not about the weapon, I don’t care.”

I told you, they will stop at nothing to reclaim it. If they take it from you, I cannot protect you, the Guardian urged.

Erin paused again, and just as the commander seemed ready to lose her patience, asked, “Could you describe the weapon?”

Irritation flashed in the commanders face before she sighed.

“So you don’t have it. Very well. Listen carefully, for I will not repeat myself. It is small, angular, metal. Adorned with Tir’su script. Stolen by True Soul Heretics.” Her eyes narrowed. “Now leave . Do not return without the weapon, istik . I will not be so forgiving a second time.”

Astarion could see Shadowheart bristle, even from where he stood, and he realized that the weapon the Gith wanted must have been the metal trinket the Cleric carried with her. Lae’zel looked ready to burst with the desire to rip the thing from her bag and give it to the commander before her.

He pushed lightly at Erin’s mind as she hesitated.

Remember that favor? he said to her through their mental link, The one where you said you’d listen to me the next time we were on the precipice of a dangerous and difficult fight? Now’s the time to prove you weren’t full of shit.

Okay, she sent the thought back to him.

Okay?

Yes , she said. I think we should go, too.

Thank the Gods .

She turned and gave the others a look to indicate they were leaving. Lae’zel looked perplexed but followed.

When they were past the room and in the corridor again, the Gith strode past Erin and rounded on her.

“We must go back. We have what my people seek. They will be our salvation.”

“No, Lae’zel,” Erin said. “They won’t. You saw what that freaky doctor - ghustal or whatever, did to you in that room. That machine - she would have killed you. She wanted to. It wasn’t a mistake. It’s what the damn thing was made for. And that artifact,” she nodded toward Shadowheart, “is the only thing keeping us all hu-” she paused, clearly realizing they weren’t all exactly human. “It’s the only thing keeping us the way we are. Sans tentacles.”

Lae’zel glared at her, but Erin was surprisingly resolute under the Gith’s imperious eye.

“You know I’m right,” she said, standing a little straighter.

“ Chk, ” Lae’zel looked away from Erin for a moment, working something out in her head.

“We’re leaving, Lae’zel,” Erin said. She spoke with a finality that impressed Astarion. There was no room for argument. Lae’zel must have been impressed as well, her gaze softening just a fraction as she nodded.

“I will follow you,” she said, sounding only a little disappointed. There was something else there, though. Astarion thought it might have been respect.

Erin nodded back, then spoke to the rest of the group. “Right. Now that’s settled, let’s find a way out of here. The guards out front are expecting us to see the Inquisitor, so I don’t think we can go back the way we came.”

They had no choice but to go deeper into the building, hoping to find their way out the other side. Astarion took the lead for the group, having more heightened senses than the others to hear or smell trouble before it reached them. So far, the Gith mostly ignored them, but it would only be a matter of time before someone discovered what happened in the room with the Zaith’isk, and once that happened, they’d never get out of the crèche alive.

Astarion followed his nose, looking for something that indicated the freshness of the outdoors, rather than the stale air inside. He caught something promising and followed it, leading them into a storage closet. It was clearly a room the Gith left ignored, carrying mostly dusty relics of Lathander from before the Githyanki had slain those who occupied the Monastery and made the place their crèche.

“There’s a way out through here,” Astarion said, nodding toward the wall at the end of the room. “I can smell it. The air is different there.”

They searched the room until Lae’zel pushed against a statue standing near the wall, and it swung around to face the opposite direction. They heard a soft ‘click,’ and the wall at the end of the room slid away, opening up a passage before them.

It looked like a cave, but now that the passage was open, Astarion could smell the fresh air and leaves from outside the crèche. He lead them through the narrow walkway, avoiding the steep drop into darkness beside it. There were sconces on the rock wall beside them, crystals inside them giving off a faint, magical blue light, leading their way further until they came upon another door. It was hardly a challenge to pick the lock, and Astarion opened the door for the others to step on a walkway that lead to a circular platform in the center of a large, domed room. On the other side was an open balcony that faced the mountains they’d come from.

As they stepped onto the platform, they regarded the singular item there. A glowing, ornate mace, floating in the center of a golden halo, suspended in a shaft of brilliant light. A fist-sized piece of Amber flecked with crimson was set in the handle, emitting a radiance, all its own.

“All this for one weapon?” Astarion tsked. “It’s a bit much.”

Erin stepped toward it. “You use a mace, don’t you Shadowheart?”

“Let’s leave it,” the Cleric said. “I prefer to work with something more suited to the darkness. That thing looks like it’ll attract more attention than it’s worth. Besides, we’d better just leave before the Gith start looking for us.”

Wyll nodded. “We don’t know anything about it, or why it’s hidden away like this. Best to leave it alone and get out of here while we can.”

Lae’zel was already at the balcony. “ Must you all dally?” she scolded.

Erin shrugged, leaving the mace untouched. She followed the rest to the balcony, but Astarion lingered. Staring at the ornate mace, his fingers itched. What might something like this be worth? And when so much trouble had gone into putting it in this obviously secret room? It was too good to pass up.

He stepped toward the mace and grabbed the handle. The weapon hummed with the magic of enchantment, and he tugged it free.

Suddenly, a burst of light erupted from each of the sconces in the room, their blue-glowing crystals connecting to one another in the rays of light. A circular inset of gold rose from the floor of the platform around him, raising up a magical barrier with it. The others turned from where they stood at the balcony to see what happened.

Astarion reached for the barrier, only for his hand to sear as though he’d been burned.

Hissing in pain, he jerked back. “Someone get me out of this godsdamned thing!” he shouted.

They looked for something that might release the barrier surrounding Astarion, but there was little in the room besides the weapon. The walls and the stone beneath them started to shake violently and Astarion knew it was too late.

He looked at Erin, pained. “Get out of here! There isn’t time!”

“I’m not leaving you!” she shouted, even as the others started making for the balcony.

“Go!” he yelled at her.

“Erin, he’s right, we’ll all die,” Wyll called at her from the balcony, looking torn to say it.

“No!” she screamed, “I’m not leaving him!”

Another rumble knocked Wyll and Shadowheart off the balcony and outside. Lae’zel was already running past them. Erin pulled her bow from her back and looked around frantically.

What is she doing? Astarion thought, panicked. His death, he could almost accept. At the very least, it would be an end to all his misery. Hers though… he couldn’t bear it.

“You have to leave! You can’t save me!”

Looking up at the beams, Erin’s eyes widened, making some sort of connection. She aimed for one of the blue crystal sconces up above. She shot one, and the beam of light streaming from it dissipated. The barrier stuttered.

That’s it! The sconces! Hope started to fill Astarion with an electric energy.

Erin shot the others down quickly, and the barrier disappeared. She grabbed Astarion by the hand, shouting, “Come on!” sprinting for the balcony.

The platform had already become incredibly unstable through all the rumbling, and as they ran for the balcony, the entire thing started to sway forward. Erin nearly tripped over her own feet, but Astarion steadied her as they ran together.

They leapt from the balcony to the roof just as another tremor shook the ground beneath them. Erin hadn’t fully cleared the jump, and her foot caught in a crag of broken stone. She’d fallen, crying out in pain. Astarion rushed to help her up.

“We have to keep going,” he urged her.

She nodded through tears. “I don’t think it’s broken,” she said, nodding to her twisted ankle.

They continued running through the shockwaves coursing through the building around them and beneath their feet. Erin limped, but managed to run with Astarion, steadied by his hand holding hers.

A violent tremor loosened stone from a level above them, heavy pieces falling toward them. A larger one was coming right for them both, but Astarion quickly pushed Erin out of the way, getting clipped in the side from falling debris in the process. He felt a painful snap in his ribs, but kept moving. Urging Erin forward with him, they passed the thing creating all the chaos. Some sort of light canon on an adjacent roof, activated by his thievery. They rushed past, trying to create as much distance between themselves and the canon as possible.

Coming up on a nearby cliff, Astarion thought he could make the jump, but wasn’t sure that Erin could. He looked at her, squeezing her hand.

“I need you to trust me,” he said to her.

She squeezed his hand harder. “I do.”

“Get on my back,” he said, kneeling so she could do as he said.

He winced as she climbed on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist to hold herself up.

“Hold tightly,” he told her, and she wrapped her arms around his chest, tucking her head into his neck as she held on.

Gritting his teeth against the pain in his ribs, Astarion backed up a bit, giving himself a running headstart before leaping from the edge of the roof toward the cliff. Not quite clearing the jump, he managed to grab onto the edge. He pulled them both up just as the beams of light from the rooftop canon burst, erupting the entire monastery into rubble.

He rolled over on the ground, tucking Erin beneath him, holding onto her tightly. She held onto him just as tight, breathing heavily.

“We made it,” he whispered, as much to himself as to her.

“You godsdamned idiots!” Shadowheart shouted, jogging for them from where she and the others had run for cover.

Astarion looked up at her approach, letting go of Erin so the Cleric could heal her first. She leaned down, moving to place her hands on Erin before she stopped her.

“Help him,” she said. “He got hit by the rubble.”

Shadowheart’s eyes narrowed, but she moved to heal Astarion instead. He almost argued, knowing he’d heal faster anyway, but he couldn’t deny the rush of relief when she mended his broken ribs.

“That’s enough,” he told her. “The rest will heal quickly. Take care of her ankle.” He nodded toward Erin and Shadowheart went back to her.

“You’re both fools,” she said.

They were both too tired to argue.

Erin

The walk back to camp had been quiet after Lae’zel and Shadowheart each took their turns scolding Erin and Astarion. Lae’zel had been furious, and Erin couldn’t exactly blame her. They’d just killed an entire unit of her people, even if it was an accident. Erin felt terrible. She’d wanted to get out of there from the moment Lae’zel had strapped herself beneath the Zaith’isk, but she hadn’t wanted all of them to die.

She hated how relieved she’d been to see Astarion there, despite telling him to stay behind. It wasn’t fair that he could dismiss her so easily and she’d still end up caring about him. All he had to do was show up, and her plan to give herself distance just crumbled.

She’d felt such a relief when she sensed him in her mind again, telling her to make good on her promise, her favor. It seemed like a waste of a favor when she’d already been planning on leaving, and it almost made her sad that he used it. He still had one favor, though. It surprised her to realize it didn’t bother her to owe him anything he asked for whenever he decided to use it. She just hoped she wouldn’t disappoint him, whatever he asked for. After everything, she didn’t think she could repay him for the times he’s saved her life.

She glanced back at him for a moment. He’d been quiet since they’d escaped the crèche, and she couldn’t make out his expression. Lae’zel and Shadowheart had been harsh with them both, but Astarion had gotten the worst of it. Lae’zel put the deaths of all the Githyanki in the crèche on him, and while it may have been inadvertently true, it didn’t seem a fair weight to put on his shoulders to Erin. They mostly criticized Erin for risking herself to save him when the building started to crumble around them, but Erin couldn’t imaging leaving him there and didn’t want to. Wyll was kind, as always, and managed to convince the other two that they’d been properly chastised.

When they got back to camp, Karlach was sitting on a stump by the unlit fire.

“Where’s Gale?” Erin asked.

“He went to go forage or whatever. Glad you guys are back. I was so bored, I was ready to eat dirt just to pass the time.”

Wyll laughed. “Missed you, too, Karlach.”

“Did you just say you were going to… eat dirt?” Shadowheart asked.

“Are there desirable nutrients in the dirt on Faerun?” Lae’zel asked seriously. “If so, I would have a serving myself.”

Erin laughed, relieved to feel the tension from before dissipate as the group reunited. She turned to look at Astarion, hoping he might feel it, too, but he was already headed for his tent without a word.

She realized that although her anger at him had gone, his own irritation might not have. Apparently, saving him back at the crèche hadn’t made them square.

Of course not , she thought. With the amount of times he’s saved you, it was the very least you could do. He immediately had to save you again when you fell.

She would have died if he hadn’t carried her for that last jump. He’d risked himself to do it, too. He could have easily made the jump on his own, but with her on his back, he nearly didn’t catch the ledge. He’d saved her many times, but he’d always made it seem so easy, like it was hardly a big deal. But this time, he could have died, too.

Maybe that’s why he was angry with her now. She was becoming too much of a burden. A liability.

She’d thought for just a brief moment that he might have been angry with her for throwing his gifts in the camp trunk, but dismissed the thought quickly. It didn’t make sense. He hadn’t said anything about it. It probably didn’t even matter to him. More likely, he was annoyed that she wouldn’t let him feed on her anymore, or that she told him to stay behind.

She went to her own tent to take off her armor and grab a change of clothes. Once she was in her undershirt, she left with her bag of toiletries and told Shadowheart she was going for a bath. She needed a moment to herself, and nearly dying had left a funk that she wanted to wash out.

When she got back to camp, she was disappointed to see Astarion still wasn’t around. She figured he was either brooding in his tent, or out hunting.

She felt a pang of guilt in her chest, knowing that if he was hunting it was probably her fault. She’d told him she wasn’t going to let him drink directly from her anymore. The more she thought on it, the more cruel it felt. Ever since she’d started to let him feed from her again, he hadn’t given her a reason not to trust him. At least, not where her blood was concerned. And he’d gone so long without, only for her to use it like a punishment when she was upset.

It didn’t seem right, even if she’d offered to keep filling jars for him. She’d never use a basic necessity like food or water against anyone else, and she felt sick that she’d done it with her blood for him. She hadn’t meant to. She just wanted a little space. But it didn’t feel fair to take space for herself that way.

“Where have the sweet rolls gone?”

Erin looked up from her spot by the still unlit fire to see Gale searching through one of their food supply crates.

“I could have sworn we had more fruit than this!” he muttered to himself.

Erin laughed to herself, leaning back and looking at the sky, watching for birds. Their trip to the crèche had only taken a little more than half a day, and it was still light outside, although it looked like they only had a few hours left before they’d need to light the campfire. She was glad to just relax in camp for the rest of the evening.

“Do you have a moment?”

She looked up to see Astarion standing over her, appearing as though he’d freshened up as well. His hair wasn’t wet, but he looked clean, and he’d changed into his normal camp clothes. He looked uncomfortable, and she realized she hadn’t answered him.

“I’d like to show you something,” he continued.

“Uh, sure.”

She started to push herself up and he held out a hand to help her. She looked from his hand to his face, and couldn’t quite place his expression. He seemed nervous, but she couldn’t imagine why. Slipping her hand into his, she let him pull her up.

It felt comfortable, holding his hand like that, and she was tempted to keep doing it. Instead, she dropped his hand and followed him quietly, waiting for him to tell her where they were going. He didn’t, but she could see that they were headed back into the mountains. They reached a steep hill, and Astarion carefully guided her up with him. At the top, Erin could see that he’d taken her to a beautiful glade in the side of the mountainside, with a breathtaking view of the surrounding area. She looked down and saw a cloth laid out on the ground, several baskets stuffed with food and a couple bottles of wine weighing the cloth down. There were even two of cups laid out beside the baskets.

She looked at him, not knowing what to say.

“What is this?” she asked.

“An apology,” he said simply, watching her.

She leaned down, looking into one of the baskets and pulling out a sweet roll. “You can’t keep stealing things from the camp supplies like this - Gale was looking for these.”

Astarion rolled his eyes, sitting down on the cloth and opening one of the bottles of wine. “The Wizard will be fine without a few sweet rolls.”

He poured the wine into a cup and handed it to Erin before pouring one for himself.

She took a sip and was pleasantly surprised at the sweetness of it. Kneeling down to sit beside him, she took a bite of the sweet roll. “It doesn’t feel fair to have a treat like this and not share it with everyone else.”

He laughed, looking out past the edge of the glade. “You’re the only one in camp who hasn’t got a stash of goods squirreled away.”

Erin took another sip of her wine. “That’s not true,” she said.

Astarion turned to face her, brow raised. “Shadowheart’s tent is full of the best booze we’ve picked up. Lae’zel takes whatever armor and weapons she likes without a thought, Karlach doesn’t even try to hide the amount of food she eats, and let’s not forget Gale’s little addiction to magical items.” He lifted a finder for each companion, counting them all except for one.

Erin picked at the sweet roll in her hands, already half-gone. “Wyll doesn’t have a stash,” she argued.

Another eye roll. “Just because I haven’t found it yet, and don’t think I won’t,” he assured her, “doesn’t mean the little lord doesn’t have a vice.”

“Maybe he has a collection of special swords we don’t know about. You’d think a guy with a name like ‘the Blade of Frontiers’ would have a lot of blades,” Erin suggested.

Astarion snorted. “Oh dear, let’s hope not. That would be unbearably boring.”

Erin giggled at the thought.

Astarion’s features softened when she laughed, then shifted into something more serious as he looked at her. “You’re allowed a bit of indulgence,” he said. “Just like the rest of them.”

She finished her roll, wiping her hands on the cloth beneath her. “What’s yours, then?”

“Hmm?” Astarion hummed, digging through the baskets of food he’d brought.

“Your indulgence. You didn’t say what yours is.”

Finding what he was looking for, Astarion pulled an apple, a bright and shiny crimson. He handed it to her. “I’m taking special care not to deprive myself of any little delights I might find in my newfound freedom,” he said.

“Little delights…” She looked at the apple in her hands. “Right.”

Staring at the apple, she remembered how he’d looked at her when she’d eaten Ethel’s poisoned one. Before they knew anything was wrong with it. It was after he’d started drinking her blood, and he’d teased her about not tasting as sweet as the fruit. She smiled at the memory, at the fact he’d remembered she liked apples so much, and took a bite.

They were quiet while she ate, and she was content just to savor the moment, enjoying the crunch and freshness of the fruit. She’d hardly had anything sweet since she’d ended up here, and she was beginning to suspect that Astarion had packed the baskets he’d brought with every bit of sugar they had in camp. It would have made her feel guiltier, if the kindness of the gesture hadn’t made her heart swell with so much joy.

“I’m sorry…” Astarion started, and Erin gave him a confused look. “If I made you feel that way,” he added. “Like you were just… one of my little delights.”

She sighed, understanding what he meant now.

“I forgive you,” she said, and the relief in his face could have broken her heart. “I just… Well, your friendship has come to mean a lot to me through all of this. I guess it hurt to think it didn’t matter to you like it did to me.”

“Right.” His expression dropped slightly into something regretful. “Well, your… friendship … does. Mean a lot. I’m grateful for it.”

Erin smiled. Then, leaning back, she rested on an elbow and looked out at the mountains. “It’s pretty out here. Thank you for bringing me.”

“Anytime, darling.”

They continued talking for a while, Astarion picking things out of the baskets for Erin to try while she told him about her job, her apartment, and her cat back home. She asked him a few questions about his life before he became a vampire, but stopped when he couldn’t remember much. Instead, she started suggesting things he might like to do with his freedom once they’d taken care of their tadpoles.

“Everyone needs a hobby, Astarion. Especially if you’re immortal.”

“Oh?” he raised a brow, smirking. “And you’re an expert on immortality, are you?”

“Well, no. But just think of all the things you could learn to do! How could you not want to pick up a few hobbies? You could literally do anything.”

“I suppose I have you to thank for that,” he said quietly. “You could have left me behind so easily today, and I wouldn’t have any future hobbies to think of.”

“I didn’t do much,” she dismissed. “Now, let me think of a good one. You seem so fit, but sports don’t really seem like they’d be your thing. Hmm…”

While she sat there thinking, Astarion spoke softly, his voice almost a whisper as he asked, “Why did you do it?” His head was down, looking at the cloth beneath them. “It would have been so easy to leave me behind.”

“I couldn’t,” she said simply.

“Why?” he turned to look at her, eyes searching hers.

She didn’t tell him how the thought of leaving him to die broke her heart. Instead, she just asked, “Is it so hard to believe you’re worth saving? That people care about you?”

He looked back to the ground. “Hmm.”

The silence stretched for a moment, then Erin perked up.

“I have it! You should learn to dance! That’s a fun hobby.”

He let out a giggle of his own this time.

“Oh my dear, what makes you think I don’t already know how?”

“Well, you didn’t dance at the party the other night.”

“Perhaps I just don’t like dancing.”

Erin pouted. “That’s disappointing. I thought I had a good one. How can you not like dancing? We had so much fun the other night, you really missed out.”

Astarion pushed himself up, offering a hand to Erin.

“I’ll dance with you now.”

“Now?” her eyes widened.

“Why not?” he asked, a smile spreading across his face. “Show me what I missed out on.”

“But you just said you don’t like dancing.”

“I might like dancing with you.”

Her heart fluttered at the invitation, how sincere he looked when he said it. Erin looked at his outstretched hand for a moment, then took it, letting him help her up.

Feeling a little awkward as he stared at her, she asked, “Do you want me to play some music then?” She reached for her pocket, but he stopped her, taking her hand in his.

“That’s alright, we can dance just like this,” he said, wrapping an arm around her waist, settling his hand lightly on the small of her back. He guided the hand he was holding to rest on his shoulder, then held her other hand in his. The contact sent a slight thrill through her until she realized the position they were in.

She stiffened slightly, and he gave her a questioning look.

“Are you alright?” he asked, brows creasing slightly.

She blushed, eyes darting to the side. “I… don’t know how to dance like this. The fancy kind of dancing.”

He laughed, “No wonder you kept doing that same strange dance over and over at the party.”

She flushed an even deeper shade of red. “Don’t laugh!” she pouted. “It’s embarrassing. And I’ll have you know that the Robot is a perfectly valid dance move where I’m from!”

His grin was so wide she could see his fangs peeking out, and her heart ached at the sight, despite the heat of her embarrassment.

“Don’t worry darling,” he laughed. “I’ll show you.”

He guided her steps, and she was surprised at the smoothness of them. They really didn’t need music, all she had to do was follow his rhythm, swaying as he swayed, stepping as he stepped. There was a bounce and flow to it that made her feel weightless, like she was floating, and she giggled at the feeling.

The corners of his eyes creased as he smiled at her. “What’s so funny?” He asked.

She couldn’t believe what they were doing. It all felt so silly when she thought of everything that had happened. All the danger, the fighting, the arguing, and the tadpoles in their heads. And in spite of all that, they were here, dancing to no music as though they didn’t have a care in the world.

“Nothing,” she said. “This is just nice.”

“I agree,” he pulled her in closer, wrapping both arms around her as he guided her into a slow sway. “You’re quite the partner.”

She hummed happily, content to enjoy the moment. They continued to sway, and he guided her to spin in small circles with him as they did.

The sun was setting, casting a gorgeous glow over his skin. Erin found herself distracted by it. She studied the way light reflected off him, pearlescent and beautiful. He seemed ethereal and otherworldly, which, she supposed, he was.

He leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I believe I still have a favor to cash in from you."

She laughed, trying to ignore the way he was making her feel so breathless at his proximity. "I think we're past the point of you needing to cash that in. There's not much I can imagine you asking for at this point that I wouldn't help you with."

"Indulge me."

He was so close now. He’d been close, they were dancing after all, but as she felt his breath tickle her skin and noted the deep marrow rimming his irises, everything suddenly felt so much more intimate. She realized then that they’d stopped moving. They were simply standing there with their arms wrapped around each other.

She looked up slowly to meet his intent gaze, wondering what he might ask of her.

"Well..." she said.

"Well?" He drew out the word, asking the question softly.

She turned her head slightly away from him, feeling flushed from the way he'd just said the single syllable.

"Well,” she asked, still looking away from him. “What kind of favor?"

"Why don't you just ask me what the favor is? "

"Okay," she breathed, "what's the favor?"

She kept her head turned away from him, so he leaned closer until she could feel his cool breath on her skin. Her heart was racing and she felt suddenly too aware of her own breathing as she waited for an answer.

"Would you kiss me?" He whispered against her ear.

Her breath stopped, and it seemed as though everything had gone quiet. All she could hear anymore was her own heartbeat. She turned her face to look at him, cheek brushing against his. He pulled back just enough to give her space to look at him.

This evening had been so lovely with him, but she wasn’t so sure she should fulfill this favor. Nothing had changed, she still had so many reservations. And they’d only just made up after their last kiss had gone so poorly.

She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his scarlet gaze, and when she did his eyes were soft. His brows creased lightly, as though he was unsure what her answer would be. Nervous she would say no.

Have you ever thought that maybe you won’t be able to go home? Shadowheart’s advice from a few nights ago played back in her head. Perhaps you should take pleasure where you can.

It was true. They could die at any point in this journey, and there was no guarantee that Erin would find her way home. She couldn’t deny or ignore the feelings that had been building for Astarion in her heart, either. She wanted him, and he seemed to genuinely want her, too. But this would change things, even more so than their previous kisses, and she wondered if there was a way she could kiss him and fulfill her promise to him that wouldn’t.

She reached out a hand to rest against his temple. He leaned into it, keeping his eyes locked on hers as she pressed her thumb to the crease in his brows, smoothing it out with a light rubbing motion.

She took his face in her hands and held him gently. He watched her closely as she slowly brought her lips to the corner of his mouth, and pressed them softly against the skin there. Then, she repeated the motion on the other side, never quite touching his lips. He closed his eyes as she pressed her lips lightly against the hollow of his cheek, then his cheekbone. She delicately pecked his forehead, touching her mouth to where the crease had sat between his brows.

His cool skin felt good beneath her lips and she felt the urge to trace every feature of his face with her mouth. He was so still, though, that she couldn’t get a gauge on what he wanted. She wasn’t even sure if it would be a good idea to continue. Technically, she’d fulfilled her promise and now would be the time to stop before things went too far.

She backed her head away a bit to look at him, and suddenly his hands reached out, pulling her back to him.

Astarion

He couldn’t stand it anymore, the back and forth between them, the reservation. And the way she was kissing him but not really kissing him felt like torture. So he pulled her back to him and pressed his lips to hers.

His hands were in her hair and cradling her face and his mouth was on hers, kissing her deeply, urgently. A shocked sound escaped from her, and he almost pulled away, concerned that she didn't want this.

Then her fingers were in his hair and she was pulling his face tight against her own as she pressed her lips against his, returning the kiss with equal fervor. He felt such a rush of relief and elation at this confirmation that, yes , she wanted him too, as her tongue traced the seam of his mouth. He sucked her bottom lip between his teeth, careful to avoid nicking her with a fang. Releasing her lower lip with a soft pop, he slid his tongue into her mouth and she sighed into his.

The sound of it was so sweet, he wanted more . He tilted her head so he could access more of her mouth and slid one hand to the middle of her back to pull her closer to him, her chest and stomach flush against his own. This earned another lovely sigh from her and she started to roam her hands against his back and up his shoulders until she threaded her fingers in his hair again.

She’d refused him enough that he’d started to doubt himself, despite all the signs that she wanted him. He still wasn’t sure why she’d done it or what changed her mind. He just knew that he wanted to keep kissing her as long as she would let him,

"Oh Erin," he breathed into her skin as he started to press a trail of open-mouthed kisses from the corner of her mouth, down her cheek, to underneath her jaw. She gasped as he slid his tongue out to trace a line down her throat and started to suck on the spot he'd landed at in the crook of her neck, swirling his tongue around the skin there.

She shivered under his tongue.

"Say it again," she whispered.

"Erin," he said again, voice low as he kissed her neck again. Feeling her shiver again, he continued, kissing further up her neck. "Erin," he whispered into her ear, then pressed a kiss to her lobe before pulling it into his mouth, sucking gently. She let out the smallest moan, spurring him further on. He crushed his lips against hers, hoping to swallow any other sounds she might make. He wanted them all, only for him. She keened into his mouth as he breathed between kisses, "Erin, Erin, Erin."

"Ah- Astarion," She gasped against his mouth and he groaned, needing more. He reached his hands further down, bending at the waist to grip the backs of her thighs and lift her body to his. She let him guide her legs around his waist and he slowly brought them both to the ground, kissing her neck all the while. He cradled her in his arms as he brought her to lie on her back for him and gazed into her eyes, taking her in.

She looked so lovely in the moonlight, and he wondered how she’d look if they were doing this under the sun, and hoped he would get to find out soon.

Catching her breath, she met his gaze, reaching out to cup his cheek in her hand. He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.

"Is this really what you want?" she asked him quietly.

His eyes opened to look at her. She was breathless, the blood rushing to her face had given it a pink glow, and she was looking at him so tenderly he believed she'd give him anything he wanted in that moment. He couldn’t remember anyone who had ever looked at him so lovingly. It tightened his chest with wanting and he rushed down to kiss her again.

" Yes ," he groaned against her mouth, sliding her leg open further with his knee. “Do you want me?”

Shivering beneath him, she whispered, “ Yes .”

His breath hitched, and he ground himself against her core. She gasped as he licked up her throat and continued to grind against her, and she bucked her hips toward him in response. He slid his hands under the hem of her shirt, feeling every inch of her he could touch. She was so much softer than he’d dreamed, and he spread his fingertips out over her skin slowly, pressing his palms into her to feel her warmth.

Her stomach jumped a bit at the contact. “You’re cold,” she whispered.

His hands stilled. “I’m sorr—

She cut him off with a kiss, pulling him close. She reached to hold his hands where they were still against her stomach, as though to assure him she didn’t mind the chill.

“Don’t apologize,” she breathed against his lips. “Just kiss me.”

So he did. Again, and again, and again. He gripped her waist with one hand, squeezing into her softness as he trailed his other up to her breast. He could feel the lace of her bra underneath her shirt, and skimmed his fingers over it, feeling her nipple peak underneath the thin fabric as she moaned into his mouth.

He needed to see her, so he pulled the hem of her shirt up and she raised her arms so he could take the shirt off her and discard it. Taking in the sight of her, he pushed the straps of her bra down, leaning in to kiss her shoulders, collarbones, and sternum.

She grabbed his face and pulled him into another heated kiss, tugging his own shirt from where it was tucked into his pants. He quickly broke the kiss, only long enough to pull it off and toss it to the side before connecting his mouth with hers again. Warmth spread through him as she spread her hands on his chest, running them down the panes of his stomach and sides, then back up again.

Sitting back on his heels, he pulled her against him into his lap and lightly dragged his nails up her sides from her waist to her shoulders, eliciting a shiver from her.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his hands over her lower back. Ducking his head lower to kiss along her collarbone, he worked his way down to the tops of her breasts, licking and kissing and sucking along the way. Her fingers slid into his hair and dragged against his scalp and he growled, taking the lacy black fabric of her bra in between his teeth and tugging.

Chuckling softly, she pulled her hands from his hair. At the loss of contact, he looked up and nearly whined. "So impatient," she teased, unclasping a fasten at her back.

Still in his teeth, he felt the fabric slacken. His eyes locked on hers as he slowly pulled it away with his mouth, guiding the straps off her arms with his hands. Taking the garment from his mouth and tossing it aside, he reveled in the sight of her, goosebumps trailing her skin where he'd touched her.

His mouth was on her breast in an instant, kissing the soft flesh before he slid his tongue over her, tracing a circle over her nipple and taking it into his mouth. As his lips wrapped around the pebbled skin, he kneaded her other breast with his hand, brushing his thumb over the peak and pinching ever so lightly.

“Ah!” she rolled her head back, arching into him.

He moved his mouth to the other breast, skimming his lips gently over her skin, barely touching her. Sitting in his lap, she started to squirm, rocking herself against him as he touched her, digging her nails into his shoulders. The feeling of her grinding against him when he was this hard was almost overwhelming, and he nipped at her breast without thinking. He didn’t break skin, but he’d bitten a little harder than he meant to, and she cried out.

He checked her expression for discomfort, but there was none there. Instead, she looked at him with lusty, half-lidded eyes and said, “You can bite me, if you want. I trust you.”

Her cheeks had reddened as she said it, and he couldn’t think of a lovelier image. If his heart still beat on its own, it might have stopped in his chest at that moment. It had surprised him when she’d trusted him enough to let him feed on her as she slept, but this was another level of intimacy entirely. And he wanted it, desperately . But he wanted her this way first.

He kissed her tenderly where he’d bitten, massaging his lips into the marks he’d left. He looked up at her through his lashes, pushing her to lie beneath him. Her breath hitched, and he kissed up to her neck, making his way to her ear as he started to push her pants down past her hips.

“I want to make you come first,” he whispered into her ear, dragging his fingers to the band of her panties.

“Oh,” she gasped when he slid his fingers down beneath the fabric, tracing the sensitive skin lightly before slipping his middle finger into her warmth. He dipped his finger just enough to circle her entrance and collect the arousal there, spreading it back up toward her clit at a languid pace.

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she bucked into his hand, moaning when he started to slowly circle the sensitive bundle of nerves. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he inhaled the scent of her. Rose and lavender, mixed with the heady scent of her arousal. He groaned into her neck, slipping another finger down with the other so he could slide her clit between them both, picking up his pace.

Erin was writhing beneath him, eyes closing, brows creased as her mouth opened slightly.

“Eyes on me, beautiful,” he said, suddenly moving his fingers down and pushing one deep inside her.

She gasped loudly, eyes snapping wide open as he pumped inside of her. Rocking her hips into his hand, she met his gaze. She was so beautiful, he wanted to see how she looked coming apart on his fingers. Sliding another one in, he watched her face as her eyes fluttered back at the stretch. He brought his other hand down, resting his palm against her and rubbing tight circles over her clit with his thumb as his fingers pumped.

“Oh god, oh,” she whined, tightening her grip around his shoulders as he curled his fingers slightly, finding that spongy spot inside her and stroking with more pressure.

“That’s it darling,” he cooed, “hold onto me, come for me, I’ve got you.” It sounded like a plea coming from his mouth.

Her muscles tensed suddenly, and he could feel her walls tightening around his fingers as she cried out in pleasure. He caught her mouth in another kiss, deep and slow as he stroked her through her orgasm, running his tongue along the inside of her mouth, savoring the taste of her.

When she stopped shuddering, he pulled his fingers out of her, bringing his hand up between them, now glistening with her arousal. Popping his middle finger into his mouth, he moaned, eyes rolling back in his head a bit before he pulled it back out. Shoving his pants and underwear down past his hips in one swift motion, he sat on his knees and held himself in the hand still wet with her slick, pumping himself once, twice, spreading her around him.

Her eyes dropped down to watch him stroke himself, and she bit her lip between her teeth. She rose to her knees, crawling closer until she was right in front of him, pulling him into another kiss as she pushed him onto his back. Straddling his hips as he lowered to the ground, she hovered above him, waiting. He grabbed her hip with one hand, guiding himself to her entrance with the other, and she slowly lowered herself on him, taking him bit by bit until she sat at the hilt and they both sighed at the feeling.

She was so beautiful like this, spread over him, eyes rolling back in pleasure. The moon cast a soft light over the tops of her breasts and he ran his fingers up the curves of her hips tot the dip of her waist on his way up to caress her. He wanted to memorize every inch.

“Kiss me,” he whispered, and she leaned down to press her lips to his again, kissing him slowly as she started rocking her hips into his. He moved his hips to meet hers, gasping into her mouth and gripping her hips tightly. Guiding her back enough that he was hardly inside her anymore, he pulled at her hips to slam down into him and she moaned, “ yes, ” into his mouth. He guided her hips in slow, deep strokes like that for a while before wrapping his arms tightly around her and pushing himself up so that he was sitting upright with her on top of him.

Supporting herself with one hand on the ground behind her, she leaned back, arching into him and gasping at the new angle.

"Oh my god," she breathed into his ear when he rolled his hips up, guiding her own with his hands. It spurred him on, and he repeated the motion, rolling his hips up to position himself deeper inside her.

" Oh my god ," it came from her lips as more of a whine this time and sent a shudder through his entire body. She arched her back, pushing her chest further into his and letting her head fall back as she matched his rhythm, little sounds of pleasure escaping her mouth as she followed his lead.

Fuck the gods , he thought. They have nothing to do with this. With us.

"No gods," he panted, keeping his pace steady. "Only me. Only us."

"Mmmm," she moaned, nodding.

He pressed a soft kiss to the crook of her neck. "Can you say it for me, darling?" he asked.

In all his years of torment, no one had ever saved him. She was the only one who ever did. He needed to hear it from her that tonight was about them alone.

"Only... you," she panted. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to press her forehead to his, their lips almost brushing. "Only... us," she whispered, then took his mouth in a desperate, needy kiss. He returned it with fervor, kissing her harder, hungrier. His hands gripped her hips tighter, then slid against her lower back to pull her even tighter against him. She moaned into his mouth, unwilling to break the kiss.

He wanted to remember the sound and the feeling of it forever.

He snapped his hips into her harder, and she broke away from his lips and gasped, " Astarion! "

Hearing her call his name so blissfully, nearly breathless, set something inside him on fire. Still holding her flush against him, he pushed forward, rolling her onto her back to lie beneath him. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, pulling him against her further, as though their bodies were made to be connected like this.

He couldn’t remember ever having anyone good in his life. He’d dreamed of it so many times in the last two hundred years, wishing for someone to save him, someone good. Eventually, he supposed he was just too broken for anyone to bother, forsaken by gods and heroes alike. He’d never imagined that after all these years of shit and suffering, after everything that had warped him into the monster he was, that someone like Erin could ever want him. To have someone like her care was unreal.

Was this real? He realized that he wanted it to be, very badly.

" Again ," he groaned. Softer, "again, please ," it came out as a shuddering plea.

“ Astarion ,” she said his name like it was a prayer. “Anything you want, I’ll say it. Tell me what you want.”

“Fuck,” he grunted. He could feel himself losing control, but he couldn’t help himself. “Tell me you want me.” He growled above her.

“I want you, oh god Astarion, I want you so much,” she admitted.

“Tell me how much,” his pace within her quickened.

“S-so mu- ah! - much! I can’t think of anything else anymore - shit - I want you even when I shouldn’t.”

Tell me you love me .

Shit. Where did that come from? He couldn’t say that.

The thought nearly startled him into stopping, and then she reached up to hold his face and gave him the sweetest look before saying, “You’re all I want, Astarion.”

It was enough to send him over the edge, as he sloppily rutted into her and she followed him into their shared climax, both of them crying the other’s name out as they reached the peak of their pleasure together.

They lied there, panting, neither bothering to pull apart from each other as Erin rested her cheek against his chest. Pressing soft kisses to his skin, she sighed contentedly as he wrapped his arms around her.

In that moment, everything felt perfect. He could hear her breathing starting to slow with her heartbeat, and realized as she was falling asleep that he hadn’t taken her up on her offer to feed.

Next time , he thought to himself, suddenly thrilled at the idea that there would be a next time. That this night hadn’t been a death sentence to her. That she was someone he could keep .

He sighed happily, watching her as she slept.

Perhaps the gods had never cared for him, perhaps no one had. But she did.

[frequentlykit]

Helping Hand Pt4 - Bang Chan

Bang Chan x fem!reader

Warnings: Kissing,

Genre: Fluff, Suggestive

WC: 3k

Summary:

A/N: i’m so sorry this took so long to come out, i’ve been having the worst time with this chapter (the others came so easily lol) but i hope you enjoy it [also, I know the last ss looks off, i downloaded it wrong and i don't feel like trying to fix it so apologies in advance]

- kit <3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

What do you wear? This isn’t just dinner with friends, and the guy you like, this is dinner with a group of people you admire immensely. Do you go casual? Semi-casual? Dressy? You couldn’t decide whether overdressing or underdressing was worse.

When you got home you showered quickly, wanting to have enough time to pick an outfit. Your room was a messy of clothes as you tried on dresses and different pairs of jeans, dressy tops and baggy tops. Nothing fit. Just as you were about to tell Chris you got sick and couldn’t go, he texted.

You sigh with relief, tossing your phone on your bed and pulling out an outfit that you felt confident in but was also comfortable. Once you finished getting ready you threw your wallet and phone in your purse and headed out. You were thankful you didn’t have to deal with the bus since the address Chris had given you was only about ten minutes away from your apartment. You put in your headphones and jumped a little at the volume of the music that automatically started playing. Turning it down you realized it was a Stray Kids song, Venom to be specific. Was it weird to listen to Stray Kids on the way to meet… Stray Kids?

You shrugged, keeping the music playing as you walked to the restaurant. The streets weren’t crowded, which was a shock for this time in the evening, and as you got close you pulled out the headphones and put them in your purse. The last thing you wanted was for them to hear what you were listening to. You found the building Chris had described and made your way inside.

CHRIS POV

We had all decided to meet at my and Jeongin’s dorm before going to the restaurant, planning to only take two cars because parking often sucked. This turned out to be a mistake. I had been ready 20 minutes ago but everyone else seemed to be taking their sweet time. I groan, sitting up on the couch.

“Will you guys hurry up!?” I call into the apartment.

“God, you are an old man. Sitting up makes you groan?” Seungmin says, deadpan as he walks into the living room.

 I squint at the dark haired boy, “I was groaning at all of you, thank you.”

“Mhm, sure.” Seungmin nods.

“Cool your jets, Hyung. We’re coming.” Felix says, jumping on one foot as he tries to simultaneously put on his shoes and move towards the front door.

“Has anyone seen my green jacket?” Jeongin yells from down the hallway.

“It’s out here, Innie!” I call back, seeing it hanging on a hook by the front door.

Minho walks out into the living room, typing on his phone as he sits down next to Seungmin.

“Why are you all freaking out?” He says, looking up from his phone. “It’s just dinner.”

“We want to make a good impression!” Hyunjin chimes in from the kitchen.

Changbin walks out of the hallway, “Especially for a girl who has Channie-Hyung all smitten.”

“I am not-”

“Don’t even try, Hyung.” Jisung says, suddenly appearing next to me. “You were smiling the whole time you were texting her.”

“How do you know I was texting her?” I rolled my eyes, though I knew he was right.

“Cause you were smiling.” Seaming joins in.

“Is everyone ready?” I ask, standing up from the couch.

“Don’t change the subject!” Jisung stands up with me, “I know we all agreed to this but you’ve hardly told us anything about her.”

“You can find out whatever you want when you meet her.” I argue.

“Hyung!” Jisung whines.

“Jisung!” I whine back.

He rolls his eyes, walking over and flopping onto Minho’s lap. Minho doesn’t even flinch, having gone back to typing on his phone.

“You’re just worried about being late because Y/N is meeting us.” Felix grins.

“I’ll ask again, is everyone ready!?” I call, ignoring Felix.

“Coming, coming!” Hyunjin says, walking out of the kitchen.

Thankfully Jeongin wasn’t far behind and we finally made it into the cars.

YOUR POV

Once you step inside, you’re about to ask the hostess if a large group of boys had arrived yet but a loud call comes from the back left of the restaurant.

“Y/N!”

It’s multiple voices, and looking over you can see Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin waving you over. You take a breath, trying to calm your nerves before walking over to the booth they had all crammed into.

“Come sit!” Felix smiles, moving over and patting the end seat next to him.

You slide into the booth, setting your purse on the floor.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You say, smiling somewhat awkwardly at the group.

Chris was sitting across from you, Changbin next to him, then Seungmin, Jeongin, Hyunjin, Minho, Jisung and then Felix on your right.

“So this is the girl Channie-Hyung won’t-” Changbin is cut off as Chris nonchalantly coughs.

“I take it I don’t need to introduce you?” Chris smiles.

You smile, “I’m pretty familiar with all of you.”

“So how long have you been a fan?” Jisung asks, getting straight into it.

Seungmin punches his arm, “Don’t ask that!”

“What? I’m just curious! I’m not going to judge her based on the answer!”

You laugh, shaking your head, “I don’t mind answering.”

“Fine.” Seungmin huffs, though he seemed to be trying to hide his own curiosity.

“I became a fan around August 2023, I think. It was a little bit after Five-Star was released.”

“What caught your eye?” Felix asked, then seemed to regret it.

“Do you need to ask that question, Felix?”

He blushed hard, putting his head in his hands, “Fuck-”

You giggle, “I saw a few clips of you online and I was like ‘who is this’ and I got sucked in pretty quick after that?”

“Who’s your bias?” Changbin asks.

You shake your head, “No comment.”

“Aw, come on!” Jisung whines.

“No, I’m not going to start a war in this restaurant.”

“That’s fair.” Jeongin grins.

The night flew by with good food and great company, you were surprised by how casual you felt around all of them. Jisung was just as funny as you would’ve expected, Seungmin too, regularly roasting his members and even you when the moment called for it. You felt like you were catching up with old friends.

Once everyone had finished eating, the boys refused to let you contribute to the bill, though you tried to insist. You even debated going to find the waitress to give her your card but it was like they could read your mind because Felix held you back when Chris went to pay. Once Chris came back, Jeongin suggested walking to an ice cream spot he knew nearby to which everyone enthusiastically agreed to.

“So, how was tonight? Are we what you expected?” Chris grins as the two of you walk a few steps behind the others.

“Yes and no.” You shrug.

“Oh?”

“I mean, you’re about as chaotic and loud as you are on camera, probably more so. But your personalities are just a little different, which I wasn’t surprised by.”

“Different in a good way I hope.”

You nod, “Of course, it’s fun to see you guys being yourselves.”

“Does that mean you’d want to hang out again?”

“Would you want me to?”

Jisung suddenly spun around to face the two of you, walking backwards as Minho watched him concerned, “Are you kidding!? You are required to hang out with us again.”

“Oh am I?” You laugh.

“For sure!” Felix and Hyunjin chime in sync.

“Well then how could I refuse.”

The boys in front cheer, running off ahead and beating you and Chris to the ice cream shop. You shake your head, chuckling quietly.

“They adore you already, ya know?”

You look up at Chris.

“The kids.” He finishes.

“I don’t know about that, I just met them.”

“Doesn't take long, they’re a good judge of character.”

“Well I’m flattered, then.” You smile.

“Look,” Chris stops in front of the shop window, “I’m sure this is a lot, for so many reasons. And I don’t want to rush you but… I really like you, Y/N.”

“I like you too.” You smile.

He glances inside where the boys were distracted with trying ice cream flavors and picking toppings.

“I… I would kiss you right now but I don’t think I’d hear the end of it.” He says, looking sheepish.

“Raincheck?” You take his hand and squeeze it.

He smiles down at you, a look of admiration in his eyes, “Deal. And I promise it won’t take so long this time.”

“I’ll wait as long as you need.” You say before you start pulling him to the door, “Now come on, I want ice cream.”

He chuckles letting you pull him inside. Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho had already gotten their ice cream while the other boys were still deciding. You walk over to Felix and follow his eye to the two flavors he was choosing between.

“Strawberry or chocolate.” You comment.

He looks over at you, “I can’t pick.”

“I mean, I like both. How about you get one and I get the other and then if you like one better you can have it.”

His face lights up, “You’d do that?”

“Of course! I’m not picky and I’m happy to help you out.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” He smiles, before ordering one scoop of each.

While they scoop the cups you wander over to the three already eating.

“What’d you get?” You ask, leaning over to peek at Hyunjin’s.

He swallows the bite in his mouth, “Lemon. Wanna try?”

You nod and he offers his spoon. Taking the spoon into your mouth you hum, it was the perfect mix of sweet and tart on your tongue.

“Mmm, that’s good.”

“Right!” Hyunjin exclaims.

You look over at the other two, Seungmin had gotten chocolate with marshmallows on top and Minho had picked pistachio with some kind of syrup. Before you could ask, Felix came up next to you, handing you the cup with strawberry ice cream, you took it and smiled.

“Chocolate?”

He nods, taking a bite of the bitter sweet ice cream. Once everyone had gotten their cup, you all found a table to sit at together, though two out of nine had already finished their ice cream.

You took an empty seat next to Hyujin and Chris took the one next to you, having just beat Jisung to it who gave him a slightly dirty look before moving over to sit by Minho. Conversations they’d been having in pairs quickly combined into one loud debate which you enjoyed just observing. You were jerked slightly and looking to your side you realized Chris had grabbed onto the leg of your chair and was pulling you closer to him until your thighs touched. No one had noticed despite the sound of the chair against the floor, or at least it wasn’t obvious.

“Can I help you?” You grin.

“I mean you can,” He smirks back, “Just not here.”

“Oh yeah? Where did you have in mind?”

“Can I take you out… later?” He asks suddenly.

“Does it have to be later?”

“I mean it’s…” He glances at his phone, “Ten so…”

“And? The night is young, baby.”

He seemed to sit up straighter at the pet name, blushing furiously.

“I… uh,” He was panicking a little.

You giggle, “Do you want to come back to my apartment?”

“Y-yeah, I mean-”

“I’m not expecting anything,” You say quickly, “Think of it like a… pre-date.”

“Is that not what this was?”

You shrug, “It’s not the same with everyone here.”

He glances towards the group, still engrossed in their debate, “True.”

“So?”

“Yeah, I’ll come back with you.”

“Come back where?” Jisung interjects.

You look over and their attention is suddenly on the pair of you.

“Uh-” Chris starts.

“He wanted to walk me back to my apartment.” You explain with an innocent smile.

“Oh did he now?” Felix grins, looking over at Chris.

“Nothing planned after that, just dropping you off?” Jisung adds.

The two of you were the picture of innocence as the group scanned you over.

“Alright… but you’d better treat her right, mister.” Jisung says, pointing a finger at Chris.

He smiled, humoring him, “Of course.”

“I mean it, you hurt her and we’ll kill you.” Hyunjin adds.

“Shouldn’t they be giving me this talk?” You mutter towards Chris.

“They’re attached now, get used to it.” He grins at you.

• • •

You unlocked your door and stepped aside, letting Chris walk in first.

“Cute.” He says, looking around.

You scanned the room, thankful it was cleaner than usual. Then your eyes landed on our bookshelf, more specifically the shelf where you displayed your K-pop albums. Your eyes widened in horror and you tried to think of a way to cover them or keep him out of the living room. I mean, he knew you were a fan but the idea of having an idol see your collection felt humiliating.

“Uh, do you want something to drink?” You ask, attempting to subtly lead him into the kitchen.

“Sure.” He smiles, oblivious.

“Water or…”

“Water is fine.”

You pour each of you a cup and take a seat next to him at the bar.

“You said you moved to Seoul… a year ago, right?” He asks, taking a sip.

You nod, “Yeah, this is the apartment my company provided me.”

“It’s nice.”

“I’ve been pretty happy with it, though I do have a few… odd neighbors.”

“Really? Like who?”

You went on to explain the odd interaction you’d had with an upstairs neighbor who tore you a new one for being too loud when it was the person next to you who had been blasting music and your neighbor from down the street who seemed to take out large trash bags at weird times in the day and night.

As you finish, you set both of your glasses to the side as Chris gets up and before you can think to say anything he starts looking around and walking towards the living room. His eyes fall on your bookshelf.

“What do we have here?” He grins, teasingly.

You groan, reluctantly following him into the living room. He crouches in front of the bookshelf, carefully admiring the collection of albums and merch displayed there.

As you sit on the couch, trying to pretend you don't exist you hear Chris gasp. You can’t help but look up as he turns back to you, hand clutches over his heart dramatically.

“You have ATEEZ and ENHYPEN albums here!”

“...yes?” You say, unsure of where this was going.

“And here I thought you were loyal to Stray Kids.” He huffs, turning back to the shelf.

You stare at the back of his head for a moment, trying to process what he was saying before you burst out laughing. He picks up a mini Bbokari plush, ignoring your outburst as he inspect the rest of the shelf.

“Chris-” You giggle, trying to calm down.

“What!?” He says, standing up and walking over towards the couch. “I am offended!”

“Feeling jealous?” You say, still laughing.

“Don’t mock me! This is a serious offence!” He sits down next to you, his expression admittedly very serious.

“I’m terribly sorry, Bang Chan. How ever will I make up for this egregious crime?” You look over at him, still giggling a little.

“I don’t know if you can.”

“There must be something I can do.” You give him a cheeky smile.

“Tell me I’m the only idol you would go out with like this.” He says, completely stoic.

“I swear on my life, Bang Chan. You are the only idol I have any interest in going out with.”

“Even Seonghwa or Heeseung?”

“Even them.”

“Even San?”

“Yes, him too.”

“Even Hyunjin?”

“Chris!”

“What? You’ve seen him!”

“I have, not my type.”

“What is your type?”

“Hmm,” you think for a second, “Kind, funny, intelligent, strong,” you move a little closer, turning to face him, “loves music, dark hair, brown eyes,” closer, “selfless, compassionate…” you glance down at his lips, your faces inches apart, “a good kisser…”

“Sounds familiar-” He murmurs before closing the gap between you.

It was like falling back into a familiar routine, despite only sharing one kiss previously, and this one was far more intense and meaningful. It was as though he was trying to apologize, for making you wait, for being unsure, for whatever else he had been overthinking before now. And you were able to put his uncertainties to rest, returning his passion as you slide your leg over his lap and tangle your hands in his hair.

He groans into the kiss, one hand resting on your hip, the other cupping your jaw. His tongue tentatively ran along her lower lip, slow, testing. You responded by parting your lips, allowing his tongue to slip inside. You could feel the combined thud of your hearts as your bodies pressed against each other, as though you were magnetic.

When you both finally pulled apart, more for breath than an actual desire to stop. You panted quietly, feeling his breath mixing with yours.

“I’m sorry for taking so long…” he muttered, eyes looking down at his lap.

You cup his cheeks, tilting his head up so his eyes are forced to meet yours, “That… was more than worth the wait.”

He smiles, huffing a laugh, “Good.”

“You know what you said, before, about the kids not letting you live it down if you kissed me earlier?”

He nods.

“I hope you realize that they will never let you live down the fact that you are going out with a fan.”

“Oh, are we going out now?”

“You asked me out earlier, you ass!” You smack his arm playfully, then are suddenly reminded that you are still sitting in his lap.

You start to move but he grips your hips, “Don’t… please.”

You stop, looking up at him.

Though his ears were flush red, he spoke firmly, “If you think that’s all you’re getting tonight, you are sorely mistaken.”

And so you were.

A/N: hope this was worth the wait, I don't think I'll add anymore full parts to this series (maybe a bonus one wink wink) so I hope you enjoyed! please like and reblog and feel free to write me a suggestion or send me something from my prompt list <3

TAGLIST: @akindaflora @lezleeferguson-120 @chasinghxran @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @idiotmaterial @beppybeesnuggets @queenofdumbfuckery @143straykidsot8 @breakmeoff

[skunkes]

mentioned before I havent felt any tangible significant benefit from meds yet which is fine bc it takes a while to kick in but one small good thing i have noticed so far is even when I get little sleep I feel less tired when I wake up

I don't feel completely incapacitated and in need of being in bed all day, fighting off the urge to nap, to recharge.

I also 1. actually get "Sleepy" now... instead of just feeling very hollowly "Tired" and like i Should be going to bed to try to sleep even though I don't feel like it, because it's about time to be doing that I guess, leading to tossing and turning for 3 hrs before finally succumbing to sleep.

and 2. I actually doze off. Instead of forcing self to try and initiate sleep...this has only ever happened during my rare Naps where im so tired that sleep puts me down by force. Never in actual night time sleep setting... im like dropping my phone and struggling to stay awake sometimes now. At night!!!

None of this is in any of the results I've seen for the medication so i dont even care if its some weird placebo somehow 😭 im jst glad its happening

[sapsolais]

sometimes you have a shitty day but there are things that make it easier to keep going like:

- being silly with basically strangers

- hugs when you really need them

- quiet 3 am phone calls with people you really love

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

[zaddyazula]

not even funny how hard i was crying yesterday like jesus christ

[atlxolotl]

Transcript and links to Reddit under the Read more:

I miss my husband so goddamn much

February 27th, 2025

I (35M) divorced my husband (36M) three years ago. And God, I miss him. I asked for a divorce for a few reasons, most of which being that his depression got exponentially worse day after day and he refused to seek treatment. Sometimes he wouldn't even go into work and ended up getting fired from his job. I stayed with him for so fucking long, praying that one day he would start trying to get better. It was all I ever wanted, but that day didn't come. I sobbed the entire time signing those papers, and when I handed them to him and asked for a divorce, he just gave me the emptiest, deadest look and signed them without a word. My heart felt like it had been shattered with a hammer, anger and sadness and fear tied together in the world's tightest, ugliest knot and inset deep into my chest.

I put on a brave face for my friends, tried to frame it as shackles coming off and a new beginning, but it was a lie. It just hurt, and it keeps hurting, and it will never stop hurting. He was my soulmate. I'll never love anyone like I loved him. He used to be so sweet and loving, so passionate and happy and every other wonderful thing a man could want from another.

They say each day gets easier, but it isn't for me. It's been three years and I'm still reaching over to the other side of the bed in the morning to pull him close, and it always stings when my hands touch fabric and not his skin. It's been three years and I'm still expecting to see his car in the driveway when I get home from work. It's been three years and my heart isn't any less broken than the day he left.

I've been stalking his socials, I'll admit. He's been getting back to the gym, started meds, and I see him smiling so genuinely in these photos. He looks so incredible. Maybe if I had just waited, he would have changed his mind and went to a doctor like he is now? Or was it me that held him down? Was I making it worse?

I hope not. I wanna go over to his place and just fall into his arms and beg him to take me back. Maybe he's wishing the same thing about me. If there's even a chance I could have my boy back I feel like I should try. I'll never know otherwise.

EDIT: One: I am a homosexual man. My husband is a homosexual man. I am not a woman. Yes, I know I'm effeminate and kind of emotional. Get creative.

Two: my husband was a binge drinker. He refused treatment no matter how much I begged. We got antidepressants but he wouldn't take them. I know he's started meds now because he's posted about them and his 2 yrs sober chip that he got last month.

Three: I never stopped loving him. I never loved him any less. Near the end of our marriage, I started drinking to cope. The second I realized I was, I realized he was dragging me down with him, and I couldn't help him anymore. I didn't dip the second it got hard. Many of you are being kind of rude. I'll accept that I wasn't the perfect husband, nobody is. But claims that I never loved him are just wrong and make me feel sick to my stomach.

EDIT 2: No, I am not the catalyst for this. His depression started when his young brother died terribly and unexpectedly. It's not because he just hated me so much. We were childhood sweethearts and had been together for years when this happened.

[UPDATE] I met my husband that I divorced 3 years ago

March 2nd, 2025

Well, with Reddit's advice, I did it. A few days ago, I called my (35M) ex-husband (36M) whom I divorced after 6 years when he refused to seek treatment for his depression.

I called him later in the evening. It was the first time we'd spoken since a bit of trouble he'd had while he was still drinking 2 1/2 years ago. He picked up on the second ring. Our conversation was a little stilted at first, as to be expected, but he said he was really glad to hear from me. We ended up meeting up for coffee yesterday as so many of you suggested. I'll admit: it was kind of hard to see him, but in a good way? He looked so much better than the last time I had seen him, but he looked exactly like the man I married. He had put off a ton of weight (he gained like 75ish pounds during his struggle with depression, and before some dick says so, I didn't leave him because of his weight gain), he looked way healthier and very put together. I'll just say it: he looked incredibly hot. What made it hard was that I couldn't kiss him hello like I used to. But God, the way his eyes lit up when he saw me, I barely needed to.

We got our coffee and sat, and he updated me a little on his life in the last 3 years.

What really turned his life around was in part the divorce but moreso a DUI (nobody was hurt, he was caught a few blocks from his apartment). He's since gone to rehab and AA, gotten his license back, and had to use a breathalyzer whenever he started his car for a while. He hasn't had a drop of alcohol since and I told him I was so fucking proud of him. He's also started antidepressants, and made a point of telling me that they're not SSRIs, but when I asked what that meant he got embarrassed and told me nevermind (???). Bottom line is that they've been helping him, he's back to being a gym rat, and he's almost completely turned his life around. This was around the point I started tearing up. It just felt so good knowing he was okay. Better than okay, he was *good*.

I also apologized to him for not sticking by him. He cut me off and said I had nothing to apologize for. He was a wreck, and I was being dragged down with him. That also felt good to hear. I apologized for not contacting him much during the last 3 years. That apology, he accepted.

He was dating someone for a few months, too. He broke up with him once he tried to get him to drink on New Year's. He seemed dismissive of the guy. Guess it wasn't too serious.

We got up and went on a walk after a few hours, and I think we both realized it felt like a first date. I had to stop myself from trying to hold his hand at a few points, I'll admit. We ended up sitting on a bench in a nearby park, and I confessed.

I told him I missed him more than anything, how I never stopped loving him, and how if he wanted to, I'd love to try again from the beginning this time. We'd go to couples' therapy, keep our heads above the water, and take it slow. He was quiet for a minute before he told me something. He said he was doing better now, but there may be a time where he sunk low again. Depression isn't easily cured, and he was far from cured. He still had bad days, but he said there would be one difference: he promised he would never stop trying to improve. He was never going to give up like he did before, and refused to neglect me like he used to. If I was willing to accept that truth, he was willing to try again. I agreed, and he pulled me into an embrace and snuck a kiss to my temple. You know when it's the first warm day of spring after a cold, harsh winter, and the soft breeze and basking sun hit your skin at the same time? It felt something like that, to the 1000th degree. After a while he walked me back to my car and squeezed my hand goodbye, and the second I got inside I started sobbing like a baby. Happy tears, though.

I'm currently sitting in bed, kicking my feet like a teenage girl, texting him back and forth to schedule an actual date. He said he'd plan everything, and try his best to make up for the birthdays and anniversaries he missed. He said it would "knock my socks off." What a dork. I love being in love. Not gonna lie, this is gonna be a bit hard to explain to my friends and family. Not looking forward to those conversations, but right now I don't care. My man loves me.

Thank you to everyone who had kind words to say, and all the people that messaged me with sympathy and advice. I hope we all find happiness, and love if we want it. I never would have made the leap if y'all hadn't encouraged me. Best of luck to all of you, and sorry for the overly flowery language <3

EDIT: we've scheduled a date for tomorrow evening. I'll let people know how it went two days from now in my final (unless something big happens) update.

EDIT 2: at his place presently. Shame me not, reddit.

[FINAL UPDATE] I went on a date with my ex-husband last night

March 5th, 2025

My (35M) ex-husband (36M) and I recently reconnected. I won't go over the details of why we split or our reconciliation since I'm sure the average redditor can click buttons and most likely read. He was the one taking me out, and promised that it would, in his words, "knock my socks off" to make up for his neglect of me. He sure as hell delivered.

A little backstory, we've been together since we were 15 and 16 respectively, and have never moved out of our hometown. This year would have been our 20th anniversary (of getting together, not marriage). We were dating secretly for about five years before our parents caught us one day during summer break. The fallout from finding out their son was gay actually made his parents split. His dad wanted to send him away to conversion therapy. He's seen his father maybe once per year on average, and every time he's incredibly cold towards me. Would never refer to me as his son-in-law, only my husband's "pal." I wonder why. Anyway, not what you're here to read. I'll get on with the lore.

He picked me up from the house and wouldn't tell me where we were going, but told me to dress warmly. He ended up taking me to the place where we met: a run down ice skating rink in our town. He used to do hockey, and I spent some time trying to learn figure skating until people started beating me up for it. Both sports would practice at the same time and I remember barely being able to keep my eyes off him. We went skating, I tried to pull off a few of the moves I remembered (he only had to catch me from falling on my ass once or twice, and I won't complain about an attractive man that I love hooking his arm around my waist), and we spent an hour or so there until our feet hurt. At one point I said that my face was getting cold, so he skated around in front of me and placed his gloved hands on my cheeks to warm me up. I just about burned a hole in the ice from how hard I was blushing, I swear to God.

He wasn't done then. We left and went to dinner, specifically the restaurant where we had our first date. It's a cheap hole-in-the-wall place, seeing as we were poor teenagers when we first met. We chatted and ate food that probably took 5 years off our lives, he was an incorrigible flirt, and even held my hand underneath the table like he did all those years ago. I know I said I never stopped loving him, and I stand by that, but I think I somehow fell in love with him a thousand times over again during that meal.

At the end of dinner, he asked if I had energy for one more simple thing, to which I agreed. He took me a while out of town to a dark sky zone park, specifically the one where he proposed to me ten years ago. He set out a blanket to sit on and another to cuddle under, and we went stargazing all bundled up together. You never know how much you miss the sound of someone's heartbeat until you haven't heard it for so long. We shared a bottle of sparkling grape juice in plastic champagne flutes and dumb, giggly kisses. It felt so similar yet so different. He told me in a moment of quiet that he loved me, and oh, God. It took everything I had not to cry. I barely hesitated before asking if he wanted to change venues. He seemed surprised, but eagerly accepted.

I ended up at his place, as some of you may have seen from my edit on my second post yesterday. I wanted to take it slower than this, but it was so hard to. I was so starved of affection and hadn't been intimate with anyone for just about six years. I'm gonna keep what happened at his between us, but all I'll say is that his medication was no issue and all of you should be jealous. I woke up in his bed this morning, reached over for him, and pulled him close just like I used to do. I haven't been this happy in a long time. We had a sleepy discussion and decided to get back together, but we're not using the term boyfriends. It just feels weird after all this time. So he's my partner, or my lover. He's mine.

Thank you, reddit. Wouldn't have done it without a little push from the internet. Let's see where all this goes.

[coridallasmultipass]

.

[cathnospam]

“I didn’t shave—“

“I do not…give a fuck. Open your legs.”

You and Bakugo have this argument at least once a month. You only need to wax your little lady once a month after your period , and it’s about that time to do so but you have 2 problems;

Your appointment isn’t until 2 more days, and you have a boyfriend that has been waiting a full week to eat you out.

“‘Suki I told you I hate—-“

“Why do you give a fuck about that? It’s HAIR.”

“I FEEL DIRTY.”

“You just took an everything shower.”

Bakugo NEVER understood the point of shaving your pussy anyway. He genuinely does not care whether there is hair or not on it, and after having an irritating crave to eat your pussy he definitely couldn’t care less.

“It’s a bush.”

“I don’t—- y/n the area I wanna suck—“

“Don’t be a pervert.”

He deadpanned at you, the Blondie also never cared for how blunt he was with his dirty words. Just two weeks ago you and him were eating cereal when he just casually spoke, “When I get home tonight I wanna eat your pussy against the door like I did last night.” As he gets up to clean his bowl.

No emotion

And no care.

He’s a damn savage.

“Your clit don’t have hair on it it’s just the lips.”

“OMY fucking—“

“Please.”

You blink, “what…”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Bakugo groans loudly and lays his head on your shoulder. And bites it, “OW!” The main reason why Bakugo haven’t let up is because you and him established a strict safe word rule. He knows he can be pushy with things he wants but he’d never want to make you uncomfortable about it. If you GENUINELY don’t want him to all you have to say is “TNT” and he’ll drop it no questions asked. And never bring it up again.

But here you are, contemplating.

Your thoughts get broken by a soft kiss on your jaw, his scarred warm palms lifting your his shirt , playfully tapping his fingers on your clothed panties, “I heard you playing with yourself in the shower.”

You freeze, feeling his devious smirk against your cheek, his natural scent and musk clouding your mind as he keeps kissing you, rubbing on your body, “You want it as bad as I do. I fucking know you do.”

“Remember last time?”

He had your knees to your ears last time, ass hanging off the edge of the bed as he spit, licked, and sucked all inside and on your pussy. His fluffy hair tickling your inner thighs, his thumbs pressing into your skin so deep you could just barely grind against his mouth. Bakugo was always a nasty ass eater to the point you were embarrassed just watching him.

His ring and middle finger swirling circles on your clit as his tongue filled your aching tight hole, the way he stops for a moment to kiss the soft little nub , nearly making out with it making you roll your eyes because his pillowy wet lips felt soooooo good against you.

You remembered how he’d slap your ass a few times when you looked away for too long or covered your mouth, you swore he’d heat up his hands slightly just to do so.

You remembered how he’d hold your ankles up and he licked stripes against your pussy and his tongue teasing your other hole.

You remembered how he’d swished his head back and fourth while his lips captured your clit and tugged on it. Sending you over the edge while he sucked and groaned. Two fingers pumping inside you.

“You remember, huh.” His raspy voice against your ear, already teasing his fingers inside you panties, “You came so much you passed out right after.”

The more he spoke to distract you the further he got, eventually laying you down on his huge couch, to pulling off your panties, to opening you legs, to kissing each thigh, and down to repeating his exact actions from last time.

And no he did NOT care about the hair.

[depresseddepot]

I hate the US grading system !!!

[un-fwuit-un-fwog]

The Rain is Especially Loud Tonight

Synopsis: The Prefect gets hurt due to Crowley's negligence.

TW: Injury, Stitches, Medical Stuff, Prefect gets caught under a collapsed Ramshackle

Part 1 (here), Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9 (coming soon), . . .

Tick Tick Tick Tick

The room would be completely silent were it not for the ticking of the clock on the wall.

The environment was more comfortable than your usual medical setting, but it still felt cold in a way.

The door creaked open and in stepped professor Crewel. "Hey, Pup." His voice lacked its usual stern tone one would hear in the classroom; instead, his voice was gentle and almost hoarse.

The hoarseness was no doubt a result of him screaming at the headmage in a roar you shiver even recalling. He had spent hours tearing into the man for his gross negligence and irresponsibility.

"Pup?" His voice became more worried when you failed to answer.

"Sorry." A meek, rasped voice leaves you throat. Your throat burns with dryness despite the 6 glasses of water you already drank, and it feels like every syllable echoes through your head and causes an intense, throbbing pain. You don't recognize the voice that claws its way out of your throat as your own.

You hear the soft scrape of a chair on the floor next to your bed. "No. Don't apologize, Pup." Rocking your gaze slowly over to him its clear to you, with the way his jaw clenches and unclenches while his eyes search the blanket covering you, that he wants to say something, but isn't sure what.

You slowly rock your head to look forward again. "Everyone's been in such a panic. . .and it's my fault, I-"

The man cuts you off as you choke on your words: "Pup. This is not your fault."

"But-" Your throat feels like its been given a massage with a thousand razor blades. The coughing your attempts to speak cause only make the pain worse.

Crewel quickly grabs another glass of water and holds it up to your lips for you to drink. "But nothing, Pup- Keep those arms down or you'll re-open the wounds. That old building was bound to collapse at some point. We all knew it. If the fault is on anyone it's on us staff. Crowley made you stay there, and we didn't stop him." The glass cup clinks slightly too harshly onto the nightstand as he sets it down.

Silence falls between the two of you.

Tick Tick Tick Tick

The ticking of the clock numbs your thoughts. You force your mind to stop focusing on the pain radiating from every inch of your body and instead listen to the steady ticking of the clock. The only other sound that can be herd is the occasional hurried footsteps outside the door as the other staff do their best to take care of the situation.

Your injuries have already been treated by a specialty team sent from STYX the moment the news got to them. They were the only ones aside from Grim, Leona, and the staff that had seen your mangled form before you were wrapped up like a mummy. You didn't have to ask how bad it was. Seeing Crowley throw up at the sight of you was enough to tell you it was bad.

The STYX team had spent nearly a whole 24 hours stitching you back together like some ragdoll and rearranging the many pieces of you that had been ripped and jostled out of place. If not for them. . .well, you don't want to think about it. If you looked like a mummy on the outside, you were sure that under the bandages you looked like Frankenstein's monster. There really wasn't a single bit of you that got out of that death trap unscathed.

You were kept in the school infirmary instead of being carted off to some high-tech STYX facility only because they needed to operate on you as soon as possible and didn't want to move you too much after the initial procedures. They made do by shipping a ton (literally speaking, more like 3 tons) of medical equipment to the school, most of which was now littered around the infirmary in a rushed yet professional way.

Despite your closeness to your friends, the only people who had come to see you were the staff. It's not that none of your friends wanted to see you, but that they weren't allowed to. The doctor's worried having them in so soon, when they were still full of hysteria from the news, wouldn't be the best idea. They weren't able to text you either as your phone had been crushed in the collapse.

"How's Grim?"

Professor Crewel hums: "Physically, he's pretty unscathed. He just has a few scrapes and bruises. Mentally, he's a bit traumatized."

You supposed that made sense. You didn't remember much, but what you did remember was Grim's voice. He had been returning to the dorm from after school detention when he found the building in shambles on the ground. He called out to you but your lungs were filled with debris and your torso was being crushed by layers of rubble. The dorm ghosts met Grim at the edge of the junk pile that used to be a dorm and confirmed that you were inside and that you needed help. The ghosts talked to you as you laid there, not being able to physically move anything off you themselves. They kept you awake and assured you that Grim was getting help.

Not long later you heard shouting. Two of the ghosts stayed with you while the third went out to meet the staff and fill them in. You were told after the fact that that's about the time they called up Leona to use his unique magic so they could get you out as soon as possible (that was the first time many saw the lion run).

You were blanking in and out of consciousness when they found you, but you remember them finding you. The feeling of the weight of the rubble lessening as it was methodically turned to sand and removed (in order to not end up crushing you with sand instead), the small grains dripping on your face, and eventually, the full force of the pouring rain battering your face as the last of the rubble was removed from above you. You remember Leona's manic eyes turning horrified, Crowley puking, and worst of all, Grim's face.

"STYX sent over a few trauma counselors. There are ones assigned specifically to Leona and Grim as well since they saw some of the worst of it." Crewel finally broke the silence again.

"And you? You and. . .the other teachers were there too. . .and Sam."

"Calm down, Pup. We've all had evaluations done to assess how we're handling it. We'll be fine.

"What about. . ." Your voice trails off, but from the look in your eyes, Crewel can tell what you were about to ask.

"What about the headmage?"

You nod, wincing slightly when the motion disturbs an injury on your neck.

"He's under investigation." Crewel responds after a brief pause. He knew that you surely couldn't be all that fond of the crow, but as you saw it, he was probably also your only ticket home. Crewel looked up to gauge your response, but your face remained neutral.

"And you, Pup? I obviously know you aren't doing particularly well physically right now, but what about mentally?"

"Hm?"

Crewel hesitated, not wanting to dig around in a mental wound and make it worse, "You were. . .under there for a while. I'm sure it must've been. . .scary."

You think for a moment before responding: "Was I really under there that long? It didn't feel like it. . .I think I passed out a few times." Your mumbled words put Crewel at ease in a way. He's not happy that you had been passing out, but he was at least glad that you weren't stuck under there fully conscious and feeling every second tick by as if it were an hour.

"Hmm. I see." Crewel nods. "I ought to let you rest now. A counselor will stop by tomorrow to talk to you about what happened." He stands up as he says this, his knuckles still white from how tightly he'd been gripping the fabric of his pants. "Rest well, Pup."

You simply nod, this time more carefully as to not disturb your wounds, and watch him walk out. When the door closes you swear you hear a choked sob.

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