#and then i dont write it down . and then i forget a while later . cycle repeats forever

[aropride]

i remember a lot of my lore but not all the time so i dont get overwhelmed (like literally i have a disorder about it) which is fun until it's 7:45pm on a sunday and i get hit with a Memory

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement:  (the weight of words):

 Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it.  “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt ��� videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

[bibbawrites]

She - Carrie Wilson x Female Reader (SMUT 18+)

Request: girl x girl with Carrie having a bad day cause of Julie and needs to let off the anger with giving the reader an/some orgasm(s)?

Word Count: 1770 words

Summary: after being upstaged by julie at the school spirit rally carrie needs a way to work her anger out, and you are more than happy to be of assistance 

Warnings: sex (obviously), oral sex (female receiving), fingering, use of sex toys, swearing, overstimulation, slight dom

A/N: i finally got the motivation to write this and i dont completely hate it which is good haha sorry for any mistakes in editing, i got a bit lazy and just skim read it while cuddling a kitten lol so if theres any mistakes thats why  also no hate to julie or flynn but obviously carrie’s girlfriend wouldn’t like them and neither does carrie so yeah thats why they get shit on   anyways, hope you enjoy!!!

Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes​​​ @littlemissaddict​​​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​​​ @headheartbellarke​​​ @lovesanimals​​​ @bartok-the-magnificent​​​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​​​ @fandomxreaders​​​​ @ifilwtmfc

“I swear Molina does this shit on purpose, just to piss me off.” Carrie ranted as the two of you walked down the hallway after the spirit rally.

“Do you know how hard I worked on that routine? And she just has to go and upstage me with some stupid fucking hologram act? Which came out of nowhere, might I add.” She continued, and you nodded, not wanting to sat the wrong thing and make it worse. 

You stood back and watched as your girlfriend confronted Julie, rolling your eyes at Nick who decided to step in. He never truly knew how to deal with Carrie. He followed as Carrie walked away and you hurried to catch up, grabbing onto your girfriend’s hand as she repeated her rant from earlier. 

The bell rang as Carrie turned to walk away, pulling you along with her. 

“Where are we going? Science is the other way.” You questioned. Carrie shook her head. 

“We’re not going to science.” She replied, pulling you into a janitors closet and shutting the door behind you. 

“Oh.” You said, understanding the situation. 

Carrie pulled you towards her, your lips crashing against hers. She tasted like she always did, like her favourite peach lipgloss and mint. Kissing Carrie was like the perfect duet, her lips were made to intertwine with yours. 

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Carrie shoving you against the wall, her lips moving from yours to trail down your neck, sucking marks into your skin as she went. 

“Carrie.” You mumbled. “Are we really gonna do this here?” 

She took a step back, eyeing you carefully, before pulling out her phone and pressing it to her ear. 

“Dad? I need you to call the school and excuse me and Y/N for the rest of the day.” She spoke and your eyes widened. You could hear the muffled sound of Carrie’s dad talking on the other end. She bit her lip. 

“It’s a girl problem.” She said after a moment. Her dad replied and a smile appeared on your girlfriend’s face. 

“Yes that kind of girl problem. Poor Y/N is feeling horrible, the cramps are just so bad on the first day of her cycle.” Carrie put on a sympathetic voice and after a moment she gave you a thumbs up and said goodbye to her father before hanging up. 

“How good are you at acting?” She questioned. You shrugged. 

“Decent enough, why?” You replied.

“My dad is coming to pick us up and drop us home at my house. You’re having a really bad period and you need to get some rest.” 

You nodded in understanding, and together you made your way outside, waiting for Trevor to arrive, and once he did you made sure to clutch at your stomach and lean on your girlfriend as she helped you into the car. 

“Do you need anything Y/N?” Trevor asked, as he drove the two of you home. “I can get whatever pads or tampons you need, and I can heat up a heat pack or get medication for your cramps.” 

Your heart swelled at the caring gesture. 

“I should be okay with just a lie down.” You replied. “But I’ll let you know if I need anything. Thank you.” 

“Of course. Anything to make you more comfortable.” Trevor responded as he pulled the car into the driveway. 

“I’ll go get you girls some pizza. I know Carrie loves comfort foods on her period.” He offered. You and Carrie exchanged a look, but agreed, and before you knew it you were flopping down onto your girlfriend’s king sized bed. 

“I feel kinda guilty.” You admitted. Carrie sighed. 

“Me too. Why does he have to be such a good dad?” She groaned. 

“Too late now to backtrack.” You said. Carrie nodded, rolling closer to you and pulling you into her arms. 

“Guess we should just make the most of our time together then.”

- 

An hour and several slices of pizza later and Carrie and you had her whole house to yourselves, with her dad leaving for some meeting that would take several hours. 

Carrie had been staring at the wall for the past 15 minutes and you were starting to get worried about your girlfriend. You moved slightly, placing a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to look at you. 

“Are you okay?” You questioned. 

“Just thinking about Julie again.” She explained, an annoyed look appearing on her face. 

“You need to forget about her babe. She’s not worth your time.” You stated, but Carrie ignored you, staring back at the wall again. 

“I just can’t believe she upstaged me after all the hard work we put into our performance.” She ranted. You took her hand. 

“If it makes you feel better, I thought that Dirty Candy was better by far.” You said, squeezing her hand. 

“You have to say that, you’re my girlfriend.” She rolled her eyes, but the light blush on her cheeks told you that she appreciated the compliment. You fell into silence for a moment, before an idea popped into your head. 

“Carrie.” You said. 

“What?” She replied, without even looking at you. 

“Remember that time that Flynn called me your bitch and I got so pissed off at her and you worked my anger out with some of the hottest sex we’ve ever had?” You asked. That got her attention, and she turned to look at you. 

“Yeah?” Her eyes lingered on your lips for a few seconds. 

“Use me.” You stated. She bit her lip. 

“You sure?” She checked. You nodded. 

“Positive. I’m all yours to do whatever you want to me.” You assured her. 

“In that case...” Carrie sat up, her look suddenly very serious. “Take off your clothes. Now.” 

You obeyed, pulling your Dirty Candy t-shirt and your denim shorts quickly, and after a quick glance at Carrie, stripped your underwear and bra off too. 

“Lie down.” Carrie instructed, and you did as she said. You watched as she moved down her bed and spread your legs, her eyes never once leaving yours. 

She lent down and licked a strip up your pussy and you moaned loudly, not holding back since you knew that Trevor was gone. 

Carrie smirked, before moving to eat you out, her tongue swirling against your clit as she inserted a finger into you. 

“Carrie.” You moaned out, and she grazed her teeth along your clit as a response. 

“Holy shit.” You muttered, tangling your fingers through her hair. 

She added a second finger and your head fell back in pleasure. She really wasn’t holding back. You could feel the familiar feeling of your orgasm pooling in your stomach. 

“I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.” You breathed out, and she ignored you, curling her fingers inside you to hit your g-spot. You gasped loudly. 

“Carrie, please.” You moaned. 

“Cum for me baby.” She said, her mouth never leaving your clit, and the vibrations sent you tumbling over the edge, cumming with a loud moan of her name. 

She worked you through your orgasm before moving away, and you shut your eyes to take a moment. The bed dipped as Carrie climbed back onto it, and before you could react she was pressing a vibrator to your already sensitive clit. 

“Carrie, what?” You asked, eyes opening quickly. 

“You didn’t think I’d stop at one, did you?” She teased, pressing the vibrator against you again, causing your already sensitive body to twitch. You bit your lip, unable to respond. She grinned at you. 

“How many orgasms have you had in one go before?” She questioned. 

“Three.” You answered. She paused, thinking. 

“You can do more than that.” She decided, and your eyes widened. You opened your mouth to reply but she pressed the vibrator to your clit again, this time turning the level on the vibrator up. You squirmed, not even having time to warn her before your second orgasm hit. 

Smirking, Carrie left the vibrator on your clit, holding your hips down with her spare hand to stop you from trying to move away. The intense vibration so soon after your second orgasm had you cumming again in what felt like no time. 

“Please no more. I can’t take it.” You begged. Carrie shook her head. 

“Yes you can baby, I know you can.” She assured you. 

“I can’t Carrie, please.” You whined. She paused. 

“One more.” She decided. You whimpered as her fingers entered you once again, stretching you slightly, before she slid them out and slid the vibrator into you. 

You cried out, hot tears spilling down your cheeks as Carrie put her mouth back onto your clit, every little movement sending shudders through your overly sensitive body. 

“Come on baby, one more, you can do it.” Carrie coaxed, her tongue swirling against your clit. She angled the vibrator to hit your g-spot and that was enough to bring you to your fourth orgasm. 

“Good girl.” Carrie praised, removing the vibrator from you. Your body was shaking and your face was wet with tears. You knew you looked like a wreck. 

“I think we should have a bath.” Carrie decided, helping you into the bathroom. 

She helped you to sit on the closed toilet, before starting the bath, adding in your favourite Lush bubble bar that she always kept for when you were over, and some soothing bath soak. Once she was done she turned back to you. 

“I’ll be right back, okay?” She whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You just nodded, too exhausted to speak. 

Carrie was back in no time, carrying two pairs of soft pyjamas, and some apple juice with ice. She placed them down on the cabinet before turning the water off on the bath and adding in a bath bomb. She lit the candles surrounding the bath before turning her attention to you. 

“Ready to get in?” She questioned. 

“Yeah, I might need some help though.” You replied, your voice shaky. Carrie grinned, walking over to you and wrapping her arm around your waist to help you over to the bath. She helped you climb in before stripping off her clothes and climbing in with you, sitting herself behind you so that you could lean back against her. 

“Feel better now?” You asked in a soft voice. Carrie pressed a kiss to your bare shoulder. 

“I do. Thank you, I love you.” She murmured. 

“I love you too. And anytime, I’ll always be here.” You responded, shutting your eyes as you snuggled against your girlfriend. 

And you meant it. 

[norestwithoutlove]

Hi, I just finished reading to build a home (quite literally just then) and it was one of the best stories I’ve ever read. everything was so cohesive and beautifully done and has inspired me to do some writing of my own. How did you manage to keep track of minor details and plots throughout the book continuity wise, with such a large word count, thats something most authours cant do and it made it feel so much more personal and immersive. this fic was a wild ride, sorry if this sounds weird btw i dont usually do this.

Hey !! sorry this one took me a while to reply to ! thanks so much for this message it made me beam - i’m glad the fic made you want to use your own voice as well! writing is such a balm especially in times like these, so i hope you’re loving it.

holy shit i’ve just gone over this and this is a LONG answer so i’m very sorry for the essay in advance. regarding continuity and minor details:

from like very early days (essentially day one of writing) i had a very clear vision of where i wanted the fic to go, and what the major plot points were (the night of the fight aged 18 and everything which caused it, even that it would take place on the roof, sam’s overdose happening in the middle of dean’s drunk love confession, the chapter 59 love confession which leads to them FINALLY getting together happening in front of the fire and cas giving dean his poetry book, the dedication saying ‘to dean, i still do, and always will’. all of that was just sitting rotting all other thoughts in my mind and so i had to type it all out at the bottom of the word document to get it down and make sure i didn’t forget. here’s an excerpt of that very early days plan (the scene where dean comes out to sam in the hospital!!! one of my absolute favourites):

other things came later, like the wedding + concussion scene, and the scene where dean waits out in the treehouse all night, which honestly was SO cruel of me and really added to the tragedy of the chapter 38, 40, 42 arc. but yeah as with the above they sat in my brain just waiting for me to reach the appropriate part of the fic to type them up from VERY early days of the fic. opinions on this vary but i don’t like typing out the scenes that i really want to type out if i haven’t actually reached them in the fic’s construction, (does that make sense?  i’ve phrased it badly) because knowing i’m gonna get to write those scenes is what motivates me to actually write the scenes inbetween. i should probably switch this up a bit as everyone advises against this form of writing but also yeah changing routine is effort.

other things plotted in the fic came about in light of the events of the show. mary wasn’t originally gonna be such a distant mother but, as spn pushed that narrative of distance and withdrawal, i thought it would be weird for readers to read a fic which pushed the deified mary mother figure like early seasons spn. especially weird for the readers to read a deified mary fic when the mary they were watching on screen seemed to differ so drastically from the one in the story. so the mary-dean relationship (which was fortunately pretty ambiguous and stilted because of dean’s grief-brain in early chapters) had to change in tbah into the really complicated entity it became. honestly the formulation of that relationship is one of the things i was most proud of in the fic because it was so thorny and hard and felt tragically real for that reason. 

other things the progression of the show impacted: dean’s relationship with jack. obviously he couldnt be a nephilim in the tbah universe(!) so i had to consider another angle which would stilt his relationship with dean in the fic. considering the fact that in the show dean’s aversion to him came from a knot of grief, anger and dean’s own upbringing, i transplanted that idea onto the fic and said okay, but here it’s not about cas, it’s about john. dean untangles much of his own trauma with john through his relationship with jack in the symbols of his father he can find in his life: driving, fishing, and building. but also in the symbols of jimmy: cooking, talking, teaching. dean gets to choose between being a john or a jimmy to his son, but the question isn’t so simple, because people aren’t just symbols, and actually dean ends up being a dean to jack, which is perfect.

weirdly, i also think music helped with continuity. i had a few songs in my head at the beginning of the fic and they became like thematic seeds which could grow and make threads to be picked up throughout. i’d listen to these as i wrote, especially as i wrote the scenes i deemed the most significant. same thing with literature.

also thinking about the fic just became really comforting to me ! so i’d play major plot points in my head like a movie before i went to sleep, which meant by the time i got to writing them they’d had a lot of time to develop and pick up earlier themes of the fic. essentially all of the fic was written in light of the future of the fic, which really helped continuity and direction but also the weird tangled traumatised nature of time in the story. this figuring of time became really important because i think tangled traumatised time is essentially just the reality of grief-time. 

subconsciously i’m sure a lot of stuff bled through which was unintentional, the framing of events which repeat location (dean waiting in the treehouse all night as a teenager to say goodbye to cas before he leaves for university vs dean and cas going to the treehouse as adults and finding teens there who are saying goodbye to each other before leaving for university. confession 3 takes place a literal 10 years after confession 1. confession 1 comes from cas and happens on the roof just before he leaves for the uk, confession 2 comes from dean and happens drunken in the living room after dean has had an intense and ambiguous conversation/fight with his mother, confession 3 happens in the living room after dean has come out to his mother, confession 4 happens on the roof as castiel returns from the uk and repairing every sense of the rift confession 1 caused because this last confession ends in their engagement.)

once i realised this was happening i went back and combed through those scenes for lines to be repeated. an easy example of this is chapter 38//chapter 59. here’s a scene from chapter 38 as they enter the big white house:

and here’s them entering the house in chapter 59: 

i think it’s about trauma and repetition (freud has a theory about this, see Remembering, Repeating, and Working Through) in that we return to sites of trauma; trauma is reiterated in memory and in the material, but in every reiteration, we grow and heal and understand the trauma and ourselves better. it’s like an upward spiral: the first confession goes so badly, the second goes better but not good, the third good, the fourth goes wonderfully (dean’s narrative frames it as paradise: “maybe this is the sound of the trumpets on the other side”). so yeah, part of the ‘continuity’ of tbah is just a traumatised cycle of reiteration, and i say this in the nicest possible way, because these cycles of repetition are how we heal. deep down, i think that’s what the fic is all about.

tl;dr: i had a scrawl of a plan at the bottom of the word document i wrote tbah on, i thought about it a lot because it made me happy, i had a pretty clear vision of where things were going from the very opening chapter, and i was a very gay english lit student.

anyway thanks for the ask lovely i am SO sorry it resulted in the borderline novel of an answer.

[painfog]

Hey so I saw you mention top surgery and was curious. I was supposed to be having top surgery this summer but that’s postponed. I was curious how that went with chronic pain? I’m scared about the surgical binder with my fibro and back pain. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated!! (You can answer privately if you prefer)

ive actually been meaning to write up a big post on this pretty much since i had top surgery but still haven't got around to it yet so I'm happy to talk about it lol. ill go over stuff now n still aim to do a more in depth post later when im on my laptop (but writing this now bc i tend to forget everything haha). ill stick to the more fibro / chronic illness specific stuff & stuff i wasnt expecting rather than rehashing everything. apologies im on mobile so i cant put this under a cut

firstly, im sorry ur surgery got postponed! i know that must be gutting, so i hope it gets rescheduled asap & the time until then passes easily for u ❤️

I had double incision with free nipple grafts on the 4th of september 2019 with Mr Miles Berry at the london wellbeck hospital. i think he did an amazing job and can't recommend him enough for his work! i think the last pics i took of my chest were for tdov, and ill rb them after i post this for reference. i didnt have drains at any point of the surgery

for ppl with fibro, i was told that the pain after surgery either tends to trigger a flareup, or be really easily manageable, and it's hard to predict which it will be beforehand. its best to prepare for a flareup and be pleasently surprised if u dont get one. for me, i had a flareup that sucked but wasnt too bad as far as flareups go

you'll probably get given painkillers. take them regularly. it's easier to treat pain preemptively. if u don't get given them (no idea how it works outside of the uk) id say def get codine and paracetamol. u can't take ibuprofen for a while

i woke up from aneasthetic freezing cold + in a lot of pain. apparently most ppl dont need the full dose of morphine, but i did. after that it was a bit better. i was just So Goddamn Hungry literally it's all i was talking about

that night in hospital was probably one of the most uncomfortable in my life. you have to sleep sitting up for like blood reasons, so my back pain was quite bad bc of it. moving around a bit and adjusting pillows helped. if u have anything that normally helps ur back pain bring it with u to the hospital, & dont be afraid to ask the nurses for help with it (even if they can just adjust ur pillows for u). i couldnt rly sleep much but distraction helps. bring ur phone + headphones. i did a few ask memes when i couldnt sleep

the first week from surgery was rly tough, the first few days especially. this was bc i still had to sleep elevated for a few days and i couldnt get comfortable. i was too exhausted to do anything but couldn't sleep and it rly started to get me down. then i got some sleeping tablets (just nytol) and that helped so much. i literally cannot recommend it enough bc the not sleeping properly made everything hard (and like esp because with fibro the whole pain/fatigue/depression cycle is so real). once i started sleeping better recovery became a lot easier, and the tablets made the awkward sleeping positions more manageable. if i had to give only one bit of advice this would be it

on that note, ik everyone says this but do get a V pillow. it helps u adjust to sleeping on ur back and if u sleep on ur side normally it means u can like lean slightly sideways on it which makes it sm easier. also this isn't even top related but they make good back pillows when ur watching stuff in bed even now

get urself some video games (if ur into them) and easy entertainment shows lined up for when u wanna have them. recovering from major surgery makes ur fatigue even more pronounced so ur not going to be able to do all that much, but having light entertainment ready to go stops u getting as bored. its also a good excuse to finally play/watch the things you've been meaning to for a while

go outside when u can. if u have a garden just walk around it. it helps with a lot of stuff, and idk about u but i always forget how much it does. even just helping u sleep better if u get trapped in a fibro fatigued-but-can't-sleep cycle. and it goes so far helping u feel human in the first week

the first week is rly hard for a lot of ppl - its frustrating to have all that pain and exhaustion and not being able to wash or change the binder, and with the swelling and bandages under the binder it doesn't really feel like there's much change, which all sort of adds together. i keep going on about this week bc it helps to mentally prepare for it - there's no need to dread it, you just need to remind urself how worth it itll all be and that the rest of recovery is a lot better than the first part, and in time it won't have seemed that bad. big picture stuff

when u get the chest reveal, everything's better. i didnt stop smiling. and when u put the post op binder on afterwards, without all the bandaging, u like feel for the first time how much flatter u are??? and its amazing. even with the swelling. and then u get to shower and u feel human again and its great. (ik some ppl have their post ops/chest reveals much earlier than a week, but 5 days to a week is pretty standard in the uk. mine was 6 days i think)

more post op binder stuff: i got given 2. the first one i woke up in after the surgery and wasn't allowed to take off until my post op, and the second one i got given at my post op to change into after i showered. After that i alternated every few days. whatever u get given, if u get less than 2 i recommend getting another one so u can alternate them (if u want help sourcing them hmu. ive also still got mine i need to give away)

the post op binders were actually a lot easier to wear full time than normal binders. they were like more stretchy, and stretchy the full way round (bc they dont have the compression bit at the front). i used to sleep in my normal binder every time i slept with my ex, and that hurt like a motherfuck sometimes. the post op binder was much kinder to my ribs

i had to wear the post op binder full time, taking it off like once a day to shower n let my chest breathe (and massage my scars once i started that). some surgeons arent that strict abt wearing it that long, but it really helps swelling, & bc i didnt have drains it was rly important to stop fluid buildup. ik quite a few guys in my trans groups who stopped wearing their binder fairly early and then got quite a lot of swelling so i didn't want to risk it & i wore it for the full 6 weeks. at some point (icr when but maybe at 6 weeks? bc my post op was at 8 weeks bc he was on holiday) i didnt wear it during the day and only wore it at night

all in all the binder didnt bother me that much. it was more comfortable than my regular binders and i just kinda got on with it. it was annoying tho and i was glad when i could stop wearing it. for me the most annoying part was that it was a full length binder (i always wore half length before) and the riding up at the hips was rly irritating. i actually quite liked sleeping with it tho it was a pretty nice pressure stim ahah

some post op binders r more comfortable than others. if u have to buy ur own, i rly suggest going with a proper surgical one (they arent too hard to find second hand for free or cheap, again im happy to help here) bc they're kinder to chronic pain. i know that having a comfortable post op binder made it all a lot easier for me. there are also lots of alternatives w lots of price ranges tho, so that's not ur only option

ok i think thats everything right now! sorry its so long, but let me know if u have any questions!!

finally: before i got top ppl told me that its honestly life changing, and i didnt realise how true that would be. literally every single aspect of my life is at least partially better because of it, and most of them drastically so. I'm really excited for you to get that for yourself, and im wishing u all the best for it 💕

[artbycatastrophe]

Vld Season 8 Review (as a sheith shipper and keith stan)

Things that I loved:

Animation

Soundtrack

Visuals

Voice acting

The reveal of the backstories of every single villain to explain why they are the way they are

The homages to the 80s voltron

Shiro centric episodes

The return of Zethrid and Ezor

Original Paladins

Pidge and Hunk's ending.

RYAN KINKADE

Things that I hated:

The storyline construction. It looked haphazard and repetitive. Its the same cycle; problem> fight> solution

So many fights which are exactly similar got me tired, I felt like skipping the fights.

Killing off Allura. It looked forced and unnecessary. Almost felt like they just wanted to make it overdramatic.

Lance's ending! The boy falls in love and you take everything away. He deserved better. So did Allura.

Keith's ending. While Pidge and Hunk are doing what they love, Keith's one didnt make sense to me. He belongs to the stars. Dont get me wrong, its sweet he is helping people but he was born to fly. I can't see him like a caged bird.

Things I wanted:

A better ending obviously -_-

Allura should have lived.

Allurance should have been the couple marrying in end creds because they are the only relationship with a proper buildup (ahm ahm except sheith but lets save that for later ahm ahm)

Justice for Lance. He looks like a shell of the man he was.

They didn't discuss the temporary death of Lance

Acknowledging and fixing Keith's obsession with martyrdom we saw in Naxzela

The 'keith is quintessence sensitive' plot device.

More interaction between Shiro and the Paladins. It looked like there bond got strained after Shiro becomes the captain of Atlas

It also looked like Shiro's characteristics changed and I wasn't happy. (May be I did love Kuron more. Oops)

More Shiro and Keith interaction. Where is the 'I will follow you to death and beyond' bond?????

White Lion to have more relevance.

KEITH'S HAPPINESS.

Sheith!

About the romantic relationships:

Curtis(Shiro's husband) and Shiro didn't have enough buildup.

I am super happy that we get to see two men kiss at the end, huge step towards mlm rep in kids' show

Upset with Allurance ending. It felt WRONG. I know life isn't a cakewalk and deaths happen but that felt badly written.

Even though I am happy about the lgbt rep I couldn't help but think it was put in the credits hastily just for the sake of representation.

Didn't like the fact that the writers added a completely random character as Shiro's hubby to avoid making an already existing ship canon. They played safe which is kinda safe.

There was a perfect opportunity to show an open ending of Sheith but the producers avoided it to not lose viewership of the other shippers and messed up the whole story line.

You mean to tell me that Keith's life has always revolved around ONE MAN who he was ready to ACTUALLY die for and leave the universe to be destroyed but he doesn't get to marry that man? WTF? HUUUUH? Sorry I just...it doesn't make any sense to me.

Shiro goes through so much with one guy never giving up on him and HE marries some rando? Sorry, still doesn't make sense.

Conclusion:

Not gonna lie. I am dead inside. Everything looked out of space, forced and just bad writing. But I wont completely blame the cast and crew cause of how toxic the fandom had become. They had lost their freedom too. They had to keep both parties satisfied (there should be an lgbt rep and it cannot be sheith). Of course I am mad at them, of course I am sad. But I am not immatured enough to send death threats or throw tantrums. I just wanted to write my feelings as maturely as possible. For me, the season didn't live up to its expectation at all. I wouldn't re-watch the last season. But I will go through the rest 7. Sad that compared to the others this season was a disaster and its not even because my ship aint canon. I barely care about it anymore. I have fan arts and fics and amazing shipper friends. I love you all. Lets be honest, the fandom will soon die down but lets never forget each other.

My Rating:

3/10

(1point for voice acting, 1for soundtrack, 1for animation)

[stemcellee]

In this post, I’m going to talk about the study methods that have worked for me and that I learned during my time at UCLA!

(see another post like this about being healthy here)

Short Term Productivity

Use a stickynote/index card and write a couple goals for today only. Don’t write too many or you will feel overwhelmed! Stick it on your laptop or planner or notebook (somewhere you will see it)

Have a whiteboard at your desk and write down things you need to remember (like a simple equation or some vocab)

While waiting for something (the bus, your coffee, the shower to warm up) have something to recite in your head (probably something you already know, but would like to reALLY KNOW)

When you read, try to tie big concepts to things you would remember easily (like acronyms or symbols) like for example i remember gen chem oxidation as OIL RIG: Oxidation is Loss (of electrons) and Reduction is Gain (of electrons) and I remember the first four unordinary hydrocarbons from Me Eat Peanut Butter (lmao): Methane, Ethane, Propane, Butane

Longer Term Productivity

Plan out your weeks!!! Plan when you will study on each day of the week and keep track of due dates

Make it a habit to do homework/assignments AS SOON AS YOU CAN (like right after you snack or something after classes)

Try not to think about how long you will study and rather think about the number of topics you will study

Don’t stop until you feel confident in your knowledge OTHERWISE YOULL JUST LOSE IT IT ALL 

Keep your notes organized because you never know when something is gonna bite you in the butt again in the future

Review everyday. Like, Serioouslyyyy. It helps a lot.

Read before going to bed instead of being on your phone for 400 hours :C I THINK ITS TRUE THAT THE STUFF YOU READ BEFORE BED STAYS WITH YOU BETTER BC YOU GET TO SLEEP ON IT

Try to keep your area quiet or have only white background noise because if someone is talking about the weather and you’re studying math, best believe you’ll only remember the weather

Reading a Textbook

Most of the time, you don’t need to read the introduction paragraphs.

Read the bolded titles to see what you will be getting into

Before class you can skim lightly!! It will help you not feel lost in class

AFTER CLASS you will now FOCUS YOUR READING ON WHAT WAS SAID IN CLASS because most of the time, class-covered topics ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT! save yoself some time!!

When reading after class, do NOT just read. If you go over something that makes you go ??? in even the slightest way, read it again to understand. Look it up. Do it in THAT moment because you’re gonna forget to do it later.

If you don’t wanna read the whole darn book because ur lazy (like me) or you are cramming, READ!! THE!! SUMMARY!!! 

The back of the book might have some seriously useful appendixes 

Try not to skip the diagrams and pictures lol they’re there for a reason

Taking Notes in Class

dont be on your phone or whatever during class time Like actually PAy attention because if you learn it now, you won’t have to try to learn it again later (you can be on your phone later)

Take down everything written on the boards FOR SURE because if the professor/teacher thinks it’s important to write it, you better think it’s important too

Be an engaged listener! Don’t let it slide straight thru ur head

Try not to scribble your notes so you can read it later

Make CLEAR HEADERS for the topics so you can find those notes quickly

Def make friends in class in case you miss something on the notes ://

Doing Practice Problems and Homework

Get yoUR HOMEWORK DONE FIRST OF ALL

Homework is seriously a great study tool because your instructor assigned that FOR A REASON (aka it’s prob gonna be tested on)

Try to know what you are doing before you start the homework so that you don’t feel lost as heck doing it

When doing practice problems, if you have the answers, don’t be afraid to look at the answer the first time around if you don’t know how to do it. IVE SELF TAUGHT MYSELF SOOOOO MUCH by just looking at the answer to a question.

DONT RELY ON THE ANSWERS THO

Don’t memorize how to do the practice problems, you should memorize the method of solving the problem and understand each step clearly (and understand WHY you do that step!!!) just in case the test pulls some funky stuff on you

The more you can do, the better. But don’t be sleepy and do them because you won’t really retain anything

Other Random Things

My organic chem professor actually did a funny study on sleep and test scores. He said on his final exam he asked “How many hours of sleep did you get last night?” 

and like obviously the more hours of sleep reported, generally the higher the student scored on the exam

SLEEEEPING IS GOOD FOR YOUR LEARNING

WHEN YOU SLEEP AND HIT THE REM CYCLE, YOUR BRAIN PROCESSES THE INFORMATION BETTER and it will really stay with you. So yall need to sleep. Don’t do the all nighters. You won’t remember anything

anyways like nike you should Just Do It

I hope you guys find this useful!! Remember that everyone has different needs and preferences, so take these tips as just tips and not rules!! Experiment with things, see what you like best, see what gives you the best scores. 

Good luck with everything~ thank you for reading!

[useyourrwords]

Month in Review // Greyson Unplugged – April | Part 2

This month has been crazy!

I took a trip to my aunts

My mum got a new job and I was covering her shifts

I trained the new girl

My mum and I had an Easter weekend of food and Game of Thrones and skincare

And I read and read and read

If you would like to buy any of the following books please consider using my Book Depository Affliate link!

Blogosphere Highlights

│Laura @ The Book Corps│12 F/F BOOKS YOU NEED ON YOUR TBR!│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│Tutorial Time! #2: A Hopefully-Easy Guide to Adapting Book Covers Into Horizontal Headers (+walk-through videos!)│

│Cait @ Paperfury│#ACTUALLYAUTISTIC COLLAB (FT. WHAT DO WE WANT TO SEE IN AUTISM BOOKS?!)│WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WRITE AN #OWNVOICES NOVEL (FT. AUTISM PRIDE MONTH!)│

│Becca @ Becca’s Book Realm│Happy Autism Acceptance Month! A list of Do’s and Dont’s and Examples of Good and Bad Autistic Rep!│

│May @ Forever And Everly│How to Get Started on Making Your Blog Look Pretty: A Mini Blog Design Guide by Me, a Somewhat Okay Designer│

│Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxxbooks│HOW I WRITE MY NOTES WHILE READING BOOKS│

│Avery @ Red Rocket Panda│DISCUSSION | WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO REVIEW NEW RELEASES?│

│Fadwa @ Word Wonders│ZODIAC SIGNS BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS│#DIVERSEBOOKBLOGGERSDISCUSS: DISABILITY REPRESENTATION IN YA│

│Lilya @ The Kitten’s Keyboard via Fadwa @ Word Wonders│#DIVERSEBOOKBLOGGERSDISCUSS: DISABILITY REPRESENTATION IN YA│

│Hannah @ Mortal Reader│XO Hannah | Dabbling in Poetry… (Kinda)│

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│15 Ways To Spring Clean Your Social Media Platforms│

│Gail @ Queer Astronauts via Lauren @ Northern Plunder│The Comic Book Film and Representation | Written By Gail│

│Kaleena @ Reader Voracious│2019 Book Blogger Spreadsheet Template│Reading Around the Globe│

│Ceillie @ Candid Ceillie│Rec List: Autism Pride Month Book Bingo│

│CW @ The Quiet Pond│Book Recommendations with Varian – Books With #OwnVoices Autistic Characters!│

│Olivia @ Purely Olivia│Do You Read the Book Before Watching the Movie?? // ft. an age-old discussion, pros vs. cons, and my fave adaptations!!│

│Madeline @ Caffeine & Writing Dreams│Why Your Characters are Flat & Boring Caricatures // Story Studies: The Raven Cycle│How Much of Your Character’s Backstory Do You Need to Know? // Backstory & Character Arcs 101│How to Conquer A Read Through of Your Novel Without Getting Overwhelmed│

│Aurora @ Aurora Librialis│The Female Gaze Project: Mothers and Daughters│

Past Month In Review

 January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

 Month in Review // I FINALLY CHANGED MY NAME – February

 Month in Review // The Month From Hell – March

Month’s Goals

Get back to going for walks on most days, if not 6 days a week. Baby steps again 

I walked 15000 steps two days in a row while I was visiting my aunt! But I haven’t been walking much other than that.

Read and read and read and read 

I read 7 books this month!

Keep Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr deleted off my phone 

Honestly, taking the time off social media has done wonders for my reading, mental health and productivity!

Get some blog posts banked up 

Not a lot but still!

Enter quotes and finish reviews for all read books 

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

no.

But I did work out a great note taking system so that hopefully it won’t be so bad falling behind in writing reviews!

And I’ve decided that I don’t need to mark and enter so many fucking notes. I’ll just mark ones that I love and want to keep and enter those, and for the quotes that I might just want to use in my review or will help me with writing my notes and reviews I’ll mark and then reassess if I need them at the end. Because right now I’m marking basically every time something happens as well as every little tiny detail about a character or the world, on top of quotes and dialogue I love and its . . . a lot.

Try to use Google Calendar more and make some digital planning spreadsheets because physical planner is too time consuming and annoying but I still need to stay organized

I kinda did this well for the first week and then it went to shit. Oops.

Maybe start writing??? Like just one scene. Please

I mean I did write a scene and I worked out some background information and history but I’ve not done much more than that.

Weekend Away

I mentioned in my month ahead post last month that I was planning on visiting my aunt for a few days so get away and have a bit of a break.

Well, I did and it was very relaxing.

My aunt’s house is in pure chaos basically 24/7 and yet somehow it’s still super relaxing??? I don’t know how but it is!

I took some books with me for my cousin C to read. I gave her my first copy of Vicious since its the old cover that’s no longer in print, and I leant her the first two books of The Raven Cycle to read! Fingers crossed she enjoys them!

I walked 2/3 days of me being there! My first day there I walked 15,500 steps! Most of which I did just on my walk!

See, I decided to walk to the beach and back for my walk because Google Maps told me it was only half an hour to walk there…But I always forget that I walk slower than Google Maps plans for because I’m usually reading on my phone at the same time.

So basically, I was gone for an hour and a half. It was a great walk! I was definitely exhausted by the time I got back to my aunts but I enjoyed it!

The following day my cousin, C, came with me. On our walk, C took me to a nicer area of the beach than the part I visited the day before and we stood there for ages soaking in the sun and breeze and view. It was gorgeous and so relaxing!

By the time we got back to the house we’d found someone’s purse, returned it to the owner, checked out the local bakery, and got very badly sun burnt.

Turns out we were gone for three hours! And I’m not used to putting on sunscreen because on my walks at home I’m surrounded by trees, so I’m not really in the sun much. But in my aunt’s seaside town it’s just open sky and that breeze sure does trick you into thinking there’s not much sun to burn you!

While I was away I got to spend lots of time with my cousins! C and her twin, J, and I talked loads about politics and their favourite topic, KPop.

I also got to spend time with my cousin, S and her baby, R, (Baby R since I have another cousin whose name starts with R) and my nana!

Baby R is super cute, a little Capricorn like me and she’s a doll. No really, she’s tiny. She’s a month older than my nephew (They’re both one) and he’s like twice her size.

She doesn’t use her hands to stand up. She just puts them out in front of her like she’s a fucking tiny gymnast and rises. I never get sick of seeing it. Or watching her excitedly run into the back door (don’t worry, she’s never hurt) because Dogs, because same.

She’ll talk your ear off, though it’s mostly baby talk still, despite J’s best efforts (you can often hear yelling’s of “I LOVE you“ and J and C repeatedly saying their own names, battling to see who’s name is said first. They’re not happy that their younger sister, R, was before either of them)

Baby R was hesitant with me at first. It’s been quite a few months since she last saw me so she had to work out if I was friend or foe before approaching me. I often treat babies like wild animals. I’ll let them come to me first, so I don’t scare them off. But once she worked out I was okay, she loved that I was happy to have lots of conversations where neither of us knew what the other was saying.

Baby R also loved my slippers. She wouldn’t stop staring at them! And I was very happy that I got some cuddles one night when she was especially tired.

I also got to enjoy the big personality that is my baby cousin, A. Well she’s not really a baby anymore, she’s five, but she’s one of the youngest cousins I have so she’ll always be my baby cousin.

She’s a Capricorn just like me as well (can you tell I get excited about other Capricorn’s in the family? There’s not a lot of us! There’s a lot of Virgos and Geminis) and she was basically raised alongside 1 adult and 3 teenaged sisters and let me tell you, that is very evident.

Like all the girls in our family, A will talk your bloody ear off and half the time I had no idea what she was talking about but it didn’t matter so long as I was an ear listening. She did have some priceless moments in my opinion, including;

 While I was making dessert for everyone, I was eating a zombie chew (Australian chewy sour candy) and I put it down only to hear seconds later “A, what do you have? That’s not yours!“ and see C, taking my zombie chew from A saying “She said I could have it!“

 After I’d finished making the desserts for everyone, I gave A one of the one’s I made C, because the ones I’d made for everyone else had decaf coffee and I’d assumed A wouldn’t like the taste.

The ones I made for C were made with 90% dark chocolate because of her dietary requirements so they were very bitter. I smothered it in caramel sauce only to find out A doesn’t like caramel sauce, she likes peanut butter and we didn’t have any. A still wanted to try it though so I gave it to her and asked if she liked it.

“It’s fine“ she told me in her upbeat voice. Remember she’s five. I’ve never heard a five year old describe anything as fine. “Are you sure? You can tell me the truth. It won’t hurt my feelings. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it.“ After trying to take another bite, she handed it back to me and told me she didn’t want anymore.

I ended up giving her one of the left over ones I’d made for everyone else that had the coffee in it and she loved that one. Thank goodness it was decaf otherwise she would have been bouncing off the walls!

 I was sat on the couch eating another zombie chew the following day (listen those things are fucking addictive). I’d just finished it when A got home, walked into the lounge room and made a beeline straight to me saying “I can have just a little bit, can’t I?“ And I had to break it to her that I’d already finished it.

 She’s also was the only person who didn’t accidentally call me by my old name! She did forget my name several times though and asked me “hey girl, what’s your name?” Or she called me sister because she thinks any older female is her sister and I had to explain that I’m her cousin. I still don’t think she understands the difference or even gives a shit.

On one night, I’d gotten up to get something to eat from the kitchen, but A must not of seen me get up or where I went and forgot my name again so she started asking C “What’s that girl’s name who went outside?“ C had no idea who on earth she was talking about, she thought A was talking about someone in the movie they were watching, and gave up trying to figure it out. I came back with my dinner, sat down on the couch and A leaned in, pointed at C and told me “She forgot your name, do you know that?” “A, were you talking about Greyson that whole time?“ “Yes, obviously.“

 My favourite moment from A though was when I was sitting at the table, half asleep and trying to eat my breakfast. A had wanted to show me her LOL dolls which have colour changing hair when you dip them in different temperatures of water. J had got her a cup of hot water and they showed me how it worked. Then J had to go and do something else so she put the cup of hot water in the sink and A wasn’t happy she couldn’t keep showing me the colour changing hair, but she had a plan.

A pulled out some little barbie dolls she’d gotten in happy meals and told me excitedly “These have colour changing hair too!“ I asked, finding it hard to believe, “Do they really?“ I think A could sense my doubt. “They do if I colour them.“ A told me, matter-of-factly, as if she was letting me in on her super top secret genius discovery. She sat there and used her textas to colour their blonde hair. And then dipped them in her cold water as if that made any difference. I absolutely lost it, A just fed off my laughter and kept looking for more dolls whose hair could be coloured in.

I honestly didn’t want to leave. I mean, I missed Charlie, and mum and my bed but I enjoyed myself so much! And it was exactly what I needed! I’m already looking forward to my visit in May!

Easter Weekend

For the Easter weekend my mum and I binge watched as much Game of Thrones as possible!

We got through like 2 seasons over that weekend!

I also decided that on Sunday we were gonna have a spa day. I got us face masks, and under eye masks, lip masks and foot masks.

Mum couldn’t stop laughing every time she looked at me with my face mask or lip mask on.

Mum got me an electric tooth brush for Easter, the only problem was I didn’t know how it worked and mum threw away the instructions.

The first time I used it I had put it on charge while I had a shower. I brushed my teeth and waited for some kind of timer to tell me I’d brushed for 2 minutes. It did this weird stalling thing so I thought that meant to switch sides so I did and then it stopped. I figured that was the two minutes done.

It felt like a long time but I’ve never really had a great sense of time. I just thought “Wow, two minutes feels pretty long, I’ve definitely not been brushing my teeth for long enough!”

Then I used it again and it did the stalling thing 3 times. I felt like I have been brushing my teeth for ages and it never stopped so I just gave up. I went and asked mum what the stalling thing meant. “That’s the timer.” “Oh.” “What did you think it was.” “Uhhhh, well, I though it just meant to swap sides. I thought it stopped after the two minutes.”  “No. That’s not how it works.“ “Okay, then I just brushed my teeth for 6 minutes.“ Mum thought this was hilarious! Thank god I hadn’t tried for the first time before I had work! It might have made me late!

On the Monday I went clothes shopping to get ready for winter. I managed to get quite a few things I liked including a Harry Potter top and a top with the female Disney villains that says Girl Gang.

Later in the week I went looking for clothes again since they didn’t have everything I wanted the first trip and I went to the thrift store and found a black jacket that gave me serious Lila Bard vibes. i tried it on and it fucking fit! So obviously it was meant to be and I bought it. I love it so much but in my excitement I didn’t see that some of the buttons are missing so I might have to find replacements for all of them so they match!

Past Month Ahead

 February Ahead // I’m Finally Going To Read The Raven Cycle Series & It’s Black History Month + A Great Resource for Education!!!!!

 Month Ahead // Writers Week, Comedy & Too Much To Do – March

 Month Ahead // Going Off Grid – April

What a big month!

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

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[pacificleo]

I dont care about Myself

https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af/Ouch. Sounds like you're having a tough time max. That sucks. I've been there, so I kinda know what you're talking about. I've been in the ever circling vortex of self doubt, frustration, and loathing. It's no bueno. I know. If you don't mind lemme tell you a couple things. You can read em if you want, read em again later if you feel like it. But honestly man, if I spend all this time typing this out to you and you don't let it be a little tinder for your fire, well, you're just letting us both down. And you don't HAVE to do that. You don't HAVE to do anything. But you get to choose.

(Who am I? My name’s Ryan and I live in Canada. Just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot of my success to people much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it’s a way of thanking them. )

Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didnt' do anything all fucking day and it's 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you're in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex goin, that's what you're used to. Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget.

La deuxieme regle - yeah i learnt french. its a canadian thing. please excuse the lack of accent graves, but lemme get into rule number 2. BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU'S. Uh what? 3 me's? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you's homeslice. There's the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you's are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you've done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that's all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me's is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It's future and past you). Tired as hell and can't get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? fuck you present self, this one's for future me, i'm gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I'm doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? fuck you present self, this one's for my best friend, the future me. I'm up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it's gotta be non zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing. that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.

Rule number 3- don't worry i'm gonna too long didnt' read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down. seriously. you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF. I mean it. Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn't do it. Now you're giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? so what. I forgive you previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one's for you future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.

Last rule. Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words. exercise and books. that's it. Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). when you exercise you clear your mind. when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we've all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step! (nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do? Read 7 habits of highly successful people. Read "emotional intelligence". Read "From good to great". Read “thinking fast and slow”. Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. (how's them pullups coming?) Reading is the fucking warp whistle from Super Mario 3. It gets you to the next level that much faster.

That’s about it man. There’s so much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days, but that’s not your mission right now. Your mission is nonzero and forgiveness and favours. You got 36 essays due in 24 minutes and its impossible to pull off? Your past self let you down big time, but hey… I forgive you. Do as much as you can in those 24 minutes and then move on.

I hope I helped a little bit max. I could write about this forever, but I promised myself I would go do a 15 minute run while listening to A. Skillz Beats Working Vol. 3. Gotta jet. One last piece of advice though. Regardless of whether or not reading this for the first time helps make your day better, if you wake up tomorrow, and you can’t remember the 4 rules I just laid out, please, please. Read this again.

Have an awesome fucking day ☺

tldr; 1. Nonzero days as much as you can. 2. The three you’s, gratitude and favours. 3. Forgiveness 4. Exercise and books (which is a sneaky way of saying self improvement, both physical, emotional and mental)

Edit: Wow reddit gold? Thanks! No idea what to do with it or whats the deal but many thanks!

Edit2: Someone asked what I meant by "much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days". The long and short of it is a simple truth, but it's tough to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND PRACTICE. It's this: you become what you think. This doesnt mean if I think of a tree, I'll be oakin' it by august. It means that the WAY you think, the THINGS you think of, and the IDEAS YOU HOLD IN YOUR MIND defines the sum total that is you. You procrastinate all the time and got fear and worry goin on for something? You are becoming a procrastinator. You keep thinking about how much you want to run that 5 k race in the spring and finish a champion? Are ya keeping it in mind all the time? Is it something that is defining your ACTIONS and influencing you DECISIONS? If it is, then you're becoming the champion you're dreaming about. Dreaming about it makes it. Think and it shall be. But do not forget that action is thought's son. Thoughts without actions are nothing. Have faith in whatever it is you've steeled your mind to. Have faith and follow through with action.

Ok, Ryan that's a bunch of nice words n shit, but how does that help me turn slightly nonzero days into hugely nonzero days. Do you believe all these words you just read? Does it makes sense to you that you BECOME WHAT YOU THINK OF? Ask yourself: What do I think of? When you get home and walk in the door. (how quickly did you turn that laptop on? Did turning it on make you closer to your dreams? What would?) At the bus stop. Lunch break. What direction are you focusing your intentions on? If you're like I was a few years ago, the answer was either No direction, or whatever caught my eye at the moment. But no stress, forgive yourself. You know the truth now. And knowing the truth means you can watch your habits, read books on how you think and act, and finally start changing your behaviour. Heres an example: Feeling like bunk cause you had zero days or barely nonzero days? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING. and change just a little bit more. in whatever positive direction you are choosing to go.

Edit3: WHOA! This blew up! Major appreciation to Modified_Duck for making this cool ass image: http://i.imgur.com/7xsp7hJ.png

Edit4: Another AMAZING DESKTOP BACKGROUND! http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/1rowpb/i_made_a_wallpaper_from_uryans01s_amazing_quote/

Source : Reddit

[themoneybuff-blog]

Questions About Checking Accounts, Nintendo Switch, iPods, TSP, and More!

Whats inside? Here are the questions answered in todays reader mailbag, boiled down to summaries of five or fewer words. Click on the number to jump straight down to the question. 1. Great advice for job seekers 2. Old hometown checking account 3. Making your own seasoning mixes 4. Inexpensive Nintendo Switch games 5. Partner has extreme debt 6. TSP contribution questions 7. Uses for old iPod? 8. Job search not that simple 9. Value of authenticating sports cards 10. Financial independence and career plans 11. Advice for selling books 12. True hourly discretionary income question I wanted to offer a little update on my switch to a standing desk for professional purposes. About two weeks ago, I moved my main workstation to a standing desk. The purpose for doing this was to significantly reduce the amount of time I spend sitting in a given day, because sitting for your job all the time has some negative long term health consequences. I did recognize that doing this fully cold turkey is a bad idea, and so I planned from the start to do it in stages. My plan was and still is to use the desk until I felt noticeable discomfort, then switch to a laptop in a chair for a while, then maybe alternate back later in the day. My goal was to simply raise my average time at the standing desk a little each week as I strengthen different muscle groups. After a couple of weeks of doing this, Ive found that the big impact has been on my lower back, with a smaller impact on my feet. Im able to work for about four to five hours a day at the standing desk, with other work time spent sitting in a comfortable chair with a laptop. What generally happens is that my lower back starts to get sore, not in a something is broken way but in a this is a muscle thats getting taxed due to exertion and needs a break way. Ill sit down for a while and itll feel much better. However, its constantly experiencing a low-grade soreness, the kind of soreness that happens when you exercise a muscle group. Theres nothing wrong here if I felt something wrong, I would stop using the standing desk for a while. However, it can be a little uncomfortable. Ive had some very minor foot discomfort, mostly on my heels, but nothing significant and it honestly seems to be fading over the last few days. Its hard to tell yet whether or not the standing desk is improving my health in any notable way. I certainly dont think its been bad, but I havent noticed a big health improvement. I do exercise most days, so thats definitely a positive factor, but its hard to extract the benefits of standing with the other benefits of exercise. I think its very likely that there have been some minor benefits, and I likely would have noticed more if I didnt already exercise. Its all about feeling healthy for as long as possible. On with the questions. Q1: Great advice for job seekers I wanted to share some advice from my own experience as an interviewer [in a large corporate HR department]. The big thing is that you shouldnt be hard on yourself if you interview for a job and dont get it. Often, there is already a candidate that is pre-selected and the interview process is a mere formality. Someone thought you were a good candidate and brought you in, but you didnt actually have a real chance at the job no matter how you interviewed. In fact, you should treat all interviews like that. Dont get stressed about them, because theres a good chance that theres already an anointed candidate. I would say that 75-80% of the time, we already have our minds made up regarding which candidate to hire before the interview process begins and interviews virtually never change our minds. Sometimes we will interview someone great and put them on a list of people to call in the future but almost without fail those people already have a job when we call them back. So please dont be hard on yourself if you dont succeed at an interview! And dont get overly stressed about it because theres a good chance that theres already an anointed candidate anyway. Just go in there and answer the questions and learn about the company and let the chips fall where they may. Alison This is great advice, and in line with some of my own hiring experiences in the past. I have been on all sides of this coin at various points. I have been the anointed candidate in a hiring process. I have also been one of the other candidates in a hiring process (where I knew someone else was anointed for an absolute fact). Ive also been involved with several hirings, some of which had strongly preferred candidates and some of which did not. The thing is, you never really know which kind of situation it is when youre interviewing. It may be a more open position where you actually have a good chance, or it may be a situation where you are one of the other candidates in an open process engineered to bring in the vastly preferred candidate with minimal questions. I think the mantra of dont worry about it is the right one here. Just go in there, answer the questions, ask some questions about the company, and move on and keep looking for the next interview or opportunity. If youre the right candidate, theyll call. Often, you wont be, and it wont be due to a fault of your own. Q2: Old hometown checking account I have left a checking account open at my old hometown bank for the last 20 years. It pays a very small interest rate 0.05%. I have a balance of about $1,200 in there. I have always looked at it as a last ditch emergency fund. If anything seriously goes wrong, Ill go there and use that money. But its just sitting there. Isnt there something better I could be doing with it? Dana I dont think theres anything wrong with having a last ditch emergency fund in a bank thats not easy to access. That idea is fine by me. However, its probably just going to sit there for a long time, so you might want to consider doing something with it that earns a better return. The next time youre in your hometown, stop by that bank and see what other options they have. Simply explain that this is an emergency fund for you and you want it in a place where it earns a little more, doesnt lose value, and could be withdrawn in an emergency but isnt likely to be withdrawn. Its very likely that theyll suggest a certificate of deposit, which is akin to a savings account except that it earns a bit higher interest rate and theres a small penalty for withdrawing it early. It wont take very long at all for the CD to earn more than the penalty for early withdrawal and then, after that, its onwards and upwards. Make sure that the bank allows you to automatically roll over the CD when it matures. Right now, with interest rates a bit higher than they were but still fairly low, Id choose a medium term CD, something in the range of one to two years. That will give you a higher interest rate than a short term CD but wont lock you in to these relatively low historical rates forever. Set it to automatically roll over, then forget about it until that last ditch emergency occurs. Q3: Making your own seasoning mixes Have you ever written an article about making your own seasoning mixes instead of buying mixes at the store? You can buy the component spices and mix them yourself and save a lot of money if you use seasonings a lot. I make an Italian seasoning and a chili seasoning and a toast seasoning myself. Margaret Toast seasoning? Youre going to have to send me that one. I have a bagel seasoning mix that I like to use on buttered toast sometimes I wonder if theyre similar. Although Ive mentioned seasoning mixes before and noted how its cheaper to make your own, I dont think Ive ever written a listing of the various spice mixes we have and how we store them. I store most of my spice mixes in large baby food jars that we still have from when our children were babies. I usually make them by mixing other spices by the teaspoon into a bowl and then stirring them thoroughly so theyre mixed, then I fill up the jar with the spice mix. I use masking tape for labeling. Using a mix is a learning experience. Over time, you start figuring out how much to put in stuff. Our chili mix, for example, usually takes a tablespoon and a half per batch, and a batch fills up our slow cooker about halfway. I could write a full post about this if theres interest, including some of my recipes. Just send me a message on Facebook if youd like to see that. Q4: Inexpensive Nintendo Switch games My husband and I bought our son a Nintendo Switch for Christmas. It is his first video game console and he had been asking for it all year so it was really fun to see him open it. Both sets of grandparents got him a game for it so he has had two games to play. His birthday is coming up soon and we asked him what he wanted and of course he wanted a Switch game. We asked him for a list of the ones he wanted and it has 15 or so games on it. The problem is that they are all $50 or more. Why are Switch games so expensive? Our full birthday gift budget for him is $50. Can you help? Anna This is a consistent challenge with Nintendos consoles, and it has been since the 1980s. Nintendo makes very high quality exclusive titles for their consoles those are usually the ones that wind up filling wish lists for console owners but they rarely go down in price until later in the consoles production cycle and the Switch is a pretty young system. Trust me your son isnt being greedy here. Hes probably listing most of the best games for the console, but they all happen to be expensive ones. I would guess that in a year or two, Nintendo will have a line of some of their top titles from a few years prior as Platinum titles for a much lower price point around $20 but were not there yet. So what can you do now? My recommendation is to visit a video game store that sells used games, like Gamestop, and see what they have available for the Switch thats used. Switch games, as you know, come on small cartridges, so its very easy to test a game to make sure it works you can ask them to test it before you buy. Getting a game used in the original packaging will still cost 50% to 75% of the sticker price and the selection may be a bit limited, but this is probably a fairly safe bet for getting one of the games he wants within your price point. A used Switch game is just as good as a new one in terms of someone focused on actually playing the games, so Id look there. Another approach would be to give him a gift card to the Nintendo eShop. There are a lot of very good downloadable titles for the Switch, and you use those gift cards to buy those downloadable titles. While this wouldnt give him any of the games he specifically wants, it would enable him to get a couple of games at least, and there are some very good games for $9.99 or less on the eShop. Q5: Partner has extreme debt I recently discovered that my bride-to-be (June) has about $140K in student loan debt. She had said that she had some student loans in the past but I did not have any idea how much. I am very uncomfortable with being saddled with that much debt. This has caused a great deal of conflict between us over the last few months and I found this out during the holidays. I am not sure what to do. Daniel The biggest factor Id look at is her day to day behavior right now. Is she a frugal person? Does she watch her nickels and dimes? Is she committed not in words but in actions to getting that debt paid off? Is she making extra payments on that debt? If you see that, then I wouldnt fret about it. On the other hand, if she seems to think that such a big debt isnt a big deal, she spends money frivolously all the time, and she isnt making much progress on that debt I would think very, very carefully about this relationship, because thats a value mismatch thats going to chafe for years and years. Beyond that, I would also consider what kind of field that her degree is in. Was the degree she earned in a field with a high income potential, or was it something that will never earn a substantial income? Also, Id look at other factors, like whether or not parental support was promised and then denied. If shes aiming for a high paying career, such as medicine or law or some types of engineering, I wouldnt worry too much about it. If she took out that much debt for a career path that has a very low likelihood of earning a high salary, I would be really concerned. I would also be concerned with that level of debt if there was also significant financial support from her parents where did all of that money go? The challenge with marriage is that you are financially tied to each other in a very deep way and her choices regarding the debt she took out for her education are indicative of the decision making process she will likely employ going forward except now youll be financially liable for them. Having that much debt unless you are both high income earners will significantly affect your life decisions for a very long time, likely for the rest of your life. It will delay your ability to have children that you can support financially, for starters. It will alter both of your career choices and possibilities. It will delay your ability to have a home of your own. I guess, in this situation, what I would really look for are signs of financial maturity beyond that of the student loans. Is she focused on repaying that debt with or without you? Is she making the most of her degree? Does she spend frivolously? I cant answer for you whether this woman is worth it to you. She may be perfect for you in every other way, in which case youll be happier with her. However, having that much student loan debt, and given the alarm bells it sets off in your head, is a sign of likely incompatibility over financial issues, and thats not a recipe for a great marriage. As always, conversation is key, as is paying attention to her actions. What kind of steps is she taking (not just talking about, but taking) in her life knowing that huge debt is sitting there? If youre struggling to answer that and this debt makes you this uncomfortable, this may not be the best situation for you. Q6: TSP contribution questions I am 36 years old, single, no children, no plans to ever marry. I just got a government job that I hope to keep for the rest of my life. Knowing that I am receiving FERS and Social Security already in retirement, how much should I contribute to my TSP to be able to have a comfortable retirement?Want to retire at 65 and have about the same amount of disposable income when I retire. Janine For those unfamiliar, FERS is the pension plan for US federal government employees. TSP is an optional 401(k)-like plan for additional retirement savings. Based on this, FERS should provide about 33% of your final salary when you retire. Social Security, depending on your income level, will provide somewhere around 30% of your income. That means you need to make up about 37% of your income from TSP. If you contribute 5% of your salary to TSP, the federal government matches another 4%. Above that, theres no matching. Given all of that information, I ran some back of the envelope calculations and conclude that given your age and your aim to retire at age 65 with your full salary intact from your various retirement sources and that you want to be able to draw from TSP for the rest of your life, you should contribute 15% of your salary to TSP. This should enable you to withdraw enough from TSP each year to make up your salary shortfall when you retire at age 65 and the TSP balance should last for the rest of your life. Youll want to invest TSP fairly aggressively the target retirement options should work. While I cant guarantee that 15% will get you there, I can certainly say that it is extremely likely that it will either get you there or get you very close to your goal. Q7: Uses for old iPod? Found an old iPod in a desk drawer along with charging cable. Is there any use for this or should I just junk it? I powered it up and it turns on just fine. Adam I dont own an original iPod (I had one way back in the day but I sold it off circa 2007-2008), but a friend of mine keeps one in her car and listens to music with it every day using a cassette tape adapter. You could do the same thing with an auxiliary cable if your car has an AUX port. Just load it up with mp3s of a bunch of music and/or podcasts that you like, keep it in your car, and listen to it during commutes. If you have a charger that hooks into the cigarette lighting receptacle in your car, then you can plug into that and keep it permanently charged. My friend has hundreds of albums that she loved in her teens and twenties. If you like alternative or indie rock from about 1990 to about 2007, theres a good chance youll find a ton to love on her iPod. Just fill yours up to the brim with stuff you like and youll always have something to listen to. You can fill it up with the full archives of a podcast and listen to the entire run of a podcast, too. Old iPods are great for these kinds of things. In other words, use it for what it was intended for. Load it up with audio. Q8: Job search not that simple While I appreciate your regular encouragement to go find a new job if your current one is sapping you, its not always that simple. I have been working as a legacy systems programmer for the same company for 16 years. Most of my day is maintaining old code, migrating it to new machines, and dealing with corporate [nonsense]. I literally hate going into work each day. There arent any available jobs nearby that match my skill set. Trust me, Ive looked. I cant move because my daughter has particular health care needs and needs to be near a top notch medical facility. That also means I need good insurance. I cant just go into work and say, Well, time to find a new job today! Thats just a pipe dream. Terry All right, so what jobs are available in your area that are close to your skill set? Youre obviously in a metro area of some kind. I guarantee there are programming jobs in that area. Whats actually available? What things are most similar to your skillset? Once you know that, start honing your skillset at work so that you can make that leap. Learn how to write tools that will help you with the legacy coding you already do. Start trying to port your legacy code over to a new language for modern systems during your downtime. Use this as an opportunity to learn new languages and paradigms. Get involved with any and all local software development groups. Try to go to their face to face meetings and get heavily involved in any online spaces they have, being as helpful as you possibly can there. Build up some good relationships in your field, then just casually ask about positions that match your refurbished skill set. Also, keep your resume honed on LinkedIn so you can be discovered by people who might be looking for folks in your area. Dont aim for hopelessness. Aim for a light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this at any job. I had a job where I was literally shoveling dirt for hours and hours during the middle of the night by myself and yet I found ways to aim that toward my next step. Q9: Value of authenticating sports cards I have a bunch of sports cards mostly baseball and basketball from the 1960s. I have looked at selling some of them individually but when I look online almost all sales are authenticated cards in a special holder. I looked into this and it looks like you send your cards to an authentication service and pay them a fee and they put them in a special plastic holder with a tag that says its authentic and gives it a grade for its condition. Is this worth it for selling trading cards? Are there ways to sell cards without this kind of service? Marvin You basically described the sports card authentication world pretty well. It exists because there was rampant fraud in older sports cards and other trading cards for a while, so some reputable dealers popped up and started offering authentication and grading services so that people would know exactly what they were buying. Its become the de facto standard for any sports cards of significant value. Basically, if the card is older than about 1975 or so, the player has any name recognition at all, and the card is in reasonably good shape, youre going to make more money selling it after authentication than before, even including the cost of authentication. If its a no-name player or its beat up, youre not going to make a whole lot for it anyway, as people will just want those to help complete sets and they wont sell for more than pennies. What Id do is look for Hall of Fame caliber player cards from your collection (or, as a friend of mine said, Hall of Famers plus Pete Rose) and get those authenticated to sell individually. The rest, Id just divide out by set and sell in bulk. (I have an almost complete 1965 Topps set missing just a few commons that Ive worked on for literally decades, so Im fairly familiar with all of this.) Q10: Financial independence and career plans So how much financial independence would a person need to be able to have full career independence where you still want to have a career but you just feel empowered to make whatever choice seems exciting to you without really worrying about salary but still assuming youre earning a decent salary to live on? I make about $80K and think I can live well on about $40K so my savings rate is about 30% after taxes. How many years would I have to do this before money exits the equation as a career consideration? Barney I think the real question youre asking is how much do I need to save so that retirement is fully covered? This calculator is probably my preferred one. Youll want to play around with different settings to see how long youll need to save to hit your goals. The further you are from retirement, the lower your total savings goal will be. Also, if you assume Social Security benefits will come to you at rates similar to whats available today, the lower your total savings goal will be. You may even be at your target in several years. However, Id still recommend that you save for retirement after you hit your goal number if youre earning a good salary. This allows you to walk away even earlier if you just get tired of the rat race before a typical retirement age. Q11: Advice for selling books I have a collection of hardback books I want to sell. What is the best way to get maximum value for them? Tracy First of all, it depends a lot on what books youre exactly trying to sell. Are they novels? Cookbooks? Old Dungeons and Dragons books? Encyclopedias? Youll want to go to eBay and try to get a sense as to what theyre actually worth. You will probably get the maximum value from them by selling them individually. However, that is exponentially more work for only a fairly modest rate of return. You might be able to sell a lot of ten books for $20 or sell them each individually for $3, for example. Is that extra effort in packaging and shipping and tracking and communication for nine additional packages worth the $10 to you? Another note: if youre selling books, USPS Media Mail is your friend. Its a highly discounted shipping rate that applies to sending books through the mail, and it comes with a tracking number. (Its cheap because its slow and USPS knows a book can sit in a warehouse for a day with zero problems.) You should always use this when shipping books and magazines. Q12: True hourly discretionary income question I understand how this perspective helps to highlight the high cost of non-necessary spending now in terms of lost leisure in the future. But I think it overstates the cost of non-necessities in terms of hours worked. In your example where your annual net wage is $34,000 and your annual work hours is 2,740 (so you net $12.41 per hour worked) and your necessities cost $24,600/year, you should account for 1,982 work hours (= $24,600/$12.41 per hour) as covering necessities, leaving 2,740 1982 = 758 hours for non-necessities. In each of those 758 hours, you net $12.41/hour, and that is the cost of your necessities in terms of hour worked. So a $50 board game costs you $50/$12.41 per hour = 4 hours, not 10.5 hours. The key is to see that you still actually net $12.41/hour, regardless of whether those earnings go to necessities or non-necessities. One way to see this is to realize that the approach in the post can lead to unrealistic implications for the hours of work required to purchase non-necessities. For example, suppose in your example above, necessities are only $10,000 year, and non-necessary spending is then $34,000 $10,000 = $24,000. If your hourly wage for non-necessities is really $4.96/hour like the post says, then it would take $24,000/$4.96 per hour = 4,838 hours to earn that $24,000. But you earned the $34,000 with only 2,740 hours, so something is wrong. Max Max is referring to this article from last week, Using Your True Hourly Discretionary Income to Make Smarter Purchases. Youre just looking at the same issue in a different way. Rather than looking at each hour as being subdivided between essential expenses and non-essential expenses, youre doing the same thing with the total hours over a year. In that example, then, 1,741 of the hours you work essentially earn you nothing in terms of spending money, because all of it goes to essentials. So, frugality in essence just means that youre migrating some of the hours you work from your pool of hours spent on essential expenses to the hours you work for spending money. My angle was different. I divided the income from each hour into essential expenses and spending money. The essential expenses gobble up $7.45 of the $12.41 you earn each hour, while your spending money makes up only $4.96 of the $12.41 you earn each hour. So, then, you judge whether an expense is worth it using just the $4.96, since its the only portion you can actually freely spend. In this case, frugality moves a little bit of money from the $7.45 essential expenses per hour pile to the $4.96 spending money per hour pile. Got any questions? The best way to ask is to follow me on Facebook and ask questions directly there. Ill attempt to answer them in a future mailbag (which, by way of full disclosure, may also get re-posted on other websites that pick up my blog). However, I do receive many, many questions per week, so I may not necessarily be able to answer yours. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/questions-about-checking-accounts-nintendo-switch-ipods-tsp-and-more/

[typologycentral]

[INFP] Am I an INFP or ISFP?

WHY I'M AN INFP: I read in between the lines and am too sensitive (as told by my friend) I'm a shy person who is a homebody and will enjoy my alone time unless asked out by friends. I have a shy smile according to the mirror. I see things from a few angles rather than one and due to this I find it hard to side with anybody. I can think of many scenarios and am plagued with what ifs, could bes and maybes. I'm a secretive person and find it hard to talk about my feelings. I look to the past for facts that seem inconsistent to the present. I dont scare easily in horror movies because I anticipate what could happen and it's usually one of the possibilities that have happened before that will turn out right. Violence worries me greatly. I have a strong connection to the past and sometimes i wish i was born in the past. Looking at old films keeps me locked in wonder. I love history and i'm a sentimental person who always has nostalgia on the mind. I'm a playful and mischevious person who likes making others laugh or to lighten the atmosphere. I always manage to trip on or hook my shirt on something and the tripping occurs frequently it gets so annoying. I really find it a huge chore to take care of my body and my best friends are wet wipes. I think of doing things more often than i actually do it and at times dishes would get washed 2 or 3 days later. I get stressed with too many details and usually ask what is the main point of what the person wants that is the thing i should take of most. I dont carry on doing something if I find it unsustainable in future. I know a little about alot but not alot about a little. Sometimes when i show someone a meme i expect hillarious reactions but she/he will usually laugh at what they thought was funny (a small part) but really it is funny only when everything adds up. I love soft toys and pastel colors and fantasy related items. I tear alot especially for situations that touch me and it can be a simple thing but I feel such heavy emotions. I have random ideas to describe the same situation. I can't understand black and white logic and why some people trust facts so easily. I like doing things in new ways and routine is a vampire that sucks me dry. I'm a subtle person who can get uncomfortable with straightforward people. I choose the right times to say something and am innately aware of how might the outcome turn out to be. I care too much about what others think and i reflect almost always. i get lost in thought while gazing at nature. I like dressing up nicely but often it can't last long before i dress shabbily again and i don't even bother about how i look. When i walk into a room I often forget what was i there for. I'm sensitive to the emotional atmosphere around me. I can tell if someone is feeling a certain way even if they deny it I'm not convinced because inconsistency betrays. I dont need info to be applied to enjoy it for knowledge's sake. I finish other people's sentences. I know if something tastes different from before. I'm very indecisive because i see too many perspectives to a situation. I'm a quick witted person who sees connections easily. I'm a worrywort and i worry for the future. Even if someone deserves the punishment I still feel for them. I have a hundred nicknames for my mom. I have a hard time killing anything because they didn't choose to be born this way. I'm a perfectionist and a sarcastic person and i tend towards self-sacrifice. Sometimes I find it hard to focus on one thing and always end up fidgeting or finding something else to do. My focus is always on self betterment and to improve on my weaknesses. I have 3 handwriting styles and 3 favourite colors and there is no default. I'm often misunderstood. I am able to decipher what a person meant to be a joke but others take offence easily. I'm not afraid of the depths of sadness and that emotion in me is felt more often than happiness. Sometimes I feel lonely even with close friends. I find it hard to answer online tests because there is more than one way of looking at a question. I have been thinking I'm an ISFP or INFJ for a close to 2 years and just recently i realised I may have mistaken Se for Si and Ne for Ni. I've eliminated my being INFJ and so far ISFP fits me, I've been searching on intuitive ISFPs cuz I might be one but the search always comes up short. THIS IS WHAT IS STOPPING ME FROM CLAIMING THE INTUITIVE TITLE: I'm aware of my surroundings. I'm very logical and common sensical I have good control over my body's reactions (tripping not included) I have read somewhere before that tert Ni tends to have an interest in the occult and bizarre, thing is I do too. I dont recall my dreams where INFPs are even able to remember it, write it down and dream often. I have ideas but none of them are big or big enough to want to change the world. I do not theorize much and I like facts that I'm able to trust. I'm not into literature, I can stand poetry but not a big interest in it. I like realism in art I've forgone an art teaching job for an office job because I think of sustainability and stability due to being enneagram 6. I feel that I dont come close to the INFP stereotype (I'm not dreamy and unpresent) I love pastel colors but most INFPs mentioned they like darker colors. I'm not bubbly like people online describe of INFPs. SOME FINAL THOUGHTS: could a sensor be just as intuitive as the real deal? For a 6 who is the poster child for awareness, it's so ironic for me to be so unaware of my own thought process. The ability to see two sides to a situation.....could it be due to my enneagram type (ambivalence), being Fi-dom (willingness to see the the best in others), or tertiary Ni (which is also able to see two sides to a coin)? I've never recognised any intuitives before as almost everyone around me are sensors, am I just a sensor who is more intuitive than the rest of the sensors or am I balanced on the intuitive/sensing scale? If you've read this far thank you for your patience and time. It's so hard for me to settle because I'm on the search for myself and wouldnt want to end up on the wrong type. And each time I settle with being an intuitive, the sensor in me rebels and flings me back into doubt. (I'm 649/694 tritype) This endless cycle of triple doubting has caused my every waking moment to constantly look for answers and i feel so restless. Can you please tell me what type do you think I am and if I'm that type, why do I feel like the other type too at the same time??? https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96127&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[earthtoblackgirl-blog]

No Title

So, I go to a school where you need to take an entrance exam and the 70 people with the highest scores on the entrance exam are accepted into the school. My older brother, who is 4 years older than me, took the entrance exam and got in right off the bat because his score was among the 70 highest. 4 years later, I take the entrance exam and I don’t get in right off the bat and am put on the waiting list because my score wasn’t high enough. After a month or two, they called and told me that I was accepted into the school because a few people who were accepted at first decided not to go.

   During his time at this school, my brother was a research genius. He excelled at his research and was asked to present his research in Washington D.C. in a big research convention. Now, fast forward to when college acceptances were coming out, he got into Yale, Princeton, MIT, and a lot of other great colleges and he ended up choosing to go to Yale. I realize that the biggest reason why he got into these schools was because of his impressive research because he didnt do much else. He wasn’t an athlete or anything big.

   Now, it’s my turn at this school and I made the most devastating realization. My parents expect me to get into Ivy League schools, too. However, I’m not as good at research as he was and it’s quite obvious that he was much smarter than me at this age. I realized that he didnt have to do much else other than research because he was so smart that that’s all he needed for schools to want him. He only needed his brain. So, if I’m not as smart as him or as good at research, how am I supposed to get into Ivy League colleges? I won’t. I simply will not get accepted into any Ivys and then I’ll be a failure in the eyes of my parents and the rest of my relatives that are aware that he’s going to Yale. This is my biggest fear. This is a scenario that appears in my nightmares.

   So, if my brain isn’t enough to get me into Ivy league schools, I need to do everything else I can to look appealing to them and to make them want me. So, now I’m a 3 season athlete. I play tennis in the fall, and I do Track and Field in the winter and the spring. I’m working to become a certified EMT and it’s also a great way to rack up lots of volunteer hours. I am working to be elected as the president of an important club in the school. I’m doing everything I can to find time to do research that I can present at small science fairs. I’m a part of several smaller clubs that I barely have time for when I’m in school and I barely have time for their out-of-school events. I’m applying desperately in whatever spare time I still have left to get into recognized summer research programs. All while being a sophomore and doing everything I can to arrange for time to get all the homework, preparation, and studying done so that my GPA doesnt slip.

   Yet, all I can think as I exhaust myself is: What if it’s not enough? What if even after all this they still don’t want me? What if no matter what i do, I’ll never be as good as my brother and I’ll be a failure? Every time I think about college, I can’t help but feel afraid and desperate and helpless and I can’t help but feel all of the pressure of the expectations that I’m facing on my shoulders. And then my eyes get watery and I feel like everything i’m doing doesnt matter and I just want to give up. But then I have to force myself to not think about any of it or else I might actually have a mental breakdown and give up. I tell myself to forget about it and to worry about the problems i’m facing now instead of the problems i may face in the future. I tell myself that I’ll cross that bridge when I get there but it’s impossible for that to give me peace when i feel like that bridge is crumbling right now and when i get there, it’s already going to be too late and there will be nothing left of the bridge except a small pile of dust on the ground.

   My life has become and endless cycle of stress and exhaustion and worry and constant panic. But I know that nobody can ever know how I’m feeling. I find that when people ask me if im okay, i automatically go with the standard response of “I’m fine” because telling them i’m not fine and having to explain all this is not an option. I go to school everyday and I smile and I laugh and I put on this mask of fearlessness and a face of no worry. Then when i come home, i’m too tired to keep on the mask so it falls of and I stay in my room and ignore my worries by either sleeping or putting 100% of my mind into my homework. My family says that when they talk to me at home, I seem grouchy and they ask me why i lock myself in my room. It’s because I dont have the strength to keep the mask on. In my room, I dont have to worry about seeming happy and it’s peaceful and quiet and I can focus on organizing my thoughts and all of the crazy things i’m trying to balance. But every once in a while, like right now, all of my worries come back up from where I banished them in the back of my mind and they overwhelm me. And I need to find a way to fight them and suppress them once more so that I can pull myself together and continue moving forward. It’s hard. And this one particular night, I decided that maybe to get these thoughts out of my head, I should finally put them into words. I decided to write down everything that I was feeling and, hopefully, it would help me think them through. It did help a little bit and now,  I need to continue preparing for tomorrow.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Just solve the problem!

While the contractors were working to replace the siding on our new home last summer, they discovered a termite infestation outside the bathroom.

Further investigation revealed that the floor under the tub was not only wet and damp, but had actually completely rotted. So, we hired somebody to repair the damage. On the first day he was here, I went into the bathroom barefoot. Oops. I stepped on a shard of glass tile. That splinter was stuck in my foot for weeks. At first, it didnt really affect normal activity. If I wore sneakers and socks, I barely felt it. But if I wore sandals, I got a sharp stabbing pain in the side of my left foot. If I tried to run, the same thing happened. And forget about going to the gym! Now, the obvious response here is, Why didnt you remove the sliver from your foot? Great question! On the very first night, Kim did try to remove the sliver, and we thought she got it. But the next morning when I took Tally for a walk, I realized the sliver was still there. But I didnt do anything about it. I lived with it for weeks, a constant source of low-grade irritation. This, my friends, is a perfect example of a couple of things. First, its my familys mentality in action. For some stupid stupid reason, we Roths dont like dealing with medical issues. When were sick, we suffer for days (or weeks) before going to a doctor. When were hurt, we just suck it up. When I was young, my mother sprained her ankle. She limped around for months before seeking medical attention. In college, I broke a finger playing touch football over Thanksgiving. I dealt with the intense pain until Christmas break, at which time I finally decided to see a doctor.Second, this a perfect example of putting up with a problem instead of finding a solution. Most people myself included are willing to tolerate a great deal of dissatisfaction and discomfort before deciding to remedy whatever is wrong in their lives. Im not sure why this is the case, but its true. With the glass shard in my foot, most of the time I barely noticed. But sometimes the pain was especially bad. I remember one morning while walking the dog, it felt like somebody was stabbing me with a needle. I just need to solve the problem, I thought to myself and that reminded me of some wise advice I once received. Just Solve the Problem About a decade ago, I worked with a life coach. Each week, wed have an hour-long phone conversation about the ways I was trying to become a better person. I made great progress in some areas, but little progress in others. One day, we were talking about my inability to eat a healthy breakfast. Ive always been the sort of guy who knows he should eat a nutritious breakfast but doesnt actually do so. My coach had been encouraging me to make this a habit in my life, but I kept complaining about all the reasons it wasnt possible. Eventually, shed had enough. J.D., youre being ridiculous, my coach said, exasperated. This isnt rocket science. Millions of people eat a healthy breakfast every day. You can too. You need to stop making excuses. You need to identify the problem and solve the problem. Just solve the problem! This advice hit me hard: Just solve the problem. Obvious, I know, but that doesnt mean its not powerful. I began to recognize that, in so many ways, I deliberately lived in the problem instead of living in the solution. I realized that maybe I could fix the things that were broken in my life if Id only take the time to do so. (After all, Id already made the resolution to become a money boss and that had worked wonders with my financial situation!) With breakfast, for instance, the solution was to make it easy to have healthy choices. For me, that meant stocking the fridge with egg whites and chicken sausage. It meant learning to like yogurt. It also meant giving myself permission to spend a little extra on pre-packaged fruit and not kidding breakfast steaks. (I was eating paleo at the time, so a piece of filet mignon was perfectly acceptableif somewhat expensive.) Related reading: A few months ago, there was a thread on Reddit discussing why people choose long-term inconvenience over short-term inconvenience: I just spent at least 10 minutes undoing several screws using the end of a butter knife that was already in the same room, rather than go upstairs and get a proper screw driver for the job that would have made the job a lot easier and quicker. And I spent weeks limping around with a sliver in my foot rather than have Kim spend five minutes taking it out. How Do You Solve the Problem? Just solve the problem is terrific advice that can be applied to all aspects of life. For almost a decade now, its been a mantra of mine. Admittedly, its a mantra that I sometimes forget to repeat to myself. But when I do remember to heed these words, they help me get a hell of a lot done. But just how do you go about solving the problems in your life? I believe theres a six-step process that you can use to tackle the things youve been neglecting for too long: Recognize a problem exists. You need to be conscious that a problem is present before you can figure out what that problem is. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Its easy to get complacent, to just accept that this is the way things are. For instance, you might be unhappy with your financial situation; you might realize that something with the way youre handling money isnt working.Identify the problem. After youve recognized that things arent right, ask yourself why. What is the specific problem thats leading to your unhappiness? Is there more than one problem? Using the previous example, once youve realized you need to do something different with your dollars, you might find that debt is dragging you down.Diagnose the source of the problem. Next, try to figure out why your problem exists. How did it start? Why does it continue? Why does it make you unhappy? With our financial example, youd quickly discover that your debt exists because you spend more than you earn. But why do you spend more than you earn? When did you start doing this? Why do you continue to do so?Brainstorm solutions. Now that youve identified the problem (and its source), its time to figure out how to fix things. This is the fun part. Come up with a list of ways you can overcome the problem thats been holding you back. To get out of debt, for instance, you might take a two-pronged approach: boost your income by taking a second job while also cutting back temporarily on some non-essentials.Formulate a plan. Once youve come up with a solution to your problem, make a plan to turn these dreams into reality. How specifically are you going to implement your solution? What steps can you take today and tomorrow to solve the problem? If youre trying to trim your budget, you might draft a prioritized list of places you can cut your spending. Then you can write down concrete steps to take toward each of these goals.Take action. The last step is the most important. To solve any problem, you must take action. It doesnt do any good to identify the problem, to brainstorm solutions, and to formulate a plan if youre not going to do the work necessary to make things right. Youll never get out of debt if all you do is tell yourself you ought to spend less. You must truly spend less in order to eliminate the problem. Heres one way Im currently using this just solve the problem methodology in my own life. As you may recall, Kim and I both packed on the pounds during our 15-month trip around the U.S. Weve been home nearly two years now, but we havent lost any weight. Were both aware that a problem exists: Were uncomfortable with how we feel. Why are we fat? Why arent we fit? Whats the source of the problem? Well, alcohol is a big culprit. We drink far too much beer and wine. In fact, Id go so far as to say that all the extra weight that each of us is carrying comes from booze. The lack of fitness, however, is because we got out of the habit of exercising. When we first met, we both went to the gym five times a week. Thats dropped to zero times a week. Yikes. So, how can we solve the problem(s)? First, we can drink less. Second, we can choose healthier foods. (Our diets arent terrible, but they arent great either.) Third, we can look for ways to make exercise happen instead of coming up with reasons that it cant. Now that we have some solutions, we can develop a plan to put them into action. Kim recently spent a couple of weeks doing a medically-supervised water fast to reset her system. When I return from this road trip, Im going to make fitness my top priority. (Sorry, GRS. Youll drop to number two.) Im going to return to my trusty paleo-ish diet, commit to cycling every day, and do what I can to avoid alcohol. The Bottom Line I have a terrible tendency to overthink things. I make them more complicated than they have to be. That was certainly the case back when my life coach was trying to teach me how to eat a healthy breakfast. I mean, how hard is it to pull a yogurt from the fridge? I get frustrated when people come up with reasons that something cant be done instead of thinking of ways it can be done. Yet Im guilty of the same thing when I fall into the trap of overthinking the problems in my life. Taking my foot as an example, I used all of the following as reasons not to remove the sliver: Oh, the contractors are still here. We should wait until they leave before we remove the splinter. (But, of course, by the time theyd left Id forgotten about it.)Oh, my feet are dirty right now. We should wait until Ive had a chance to clean them.Oh, Kim just got home from work. I should give her a chance to rest before I ask her to remove the splinter. (But, of course, Id forget to ask her to help me later.)Oh, were about to leave. Itd be inconvenient to take the time to get the splinter out now. We should do it when we get home.Oh, Im tired. We should just go to bed. We can always remove the splinter in the morning. Looking back, its clear to me that these were lame excuses. Id come up with reasons not to remove the sliver of glass instead of looking for an opportunity to get it done. Eventually, I recognized how foolish I was being. Kim and I sat down one night and she spent 45 minutes searching for the splinter in my foot. And you know what? As soon as she pulled it out, everything felt so much better. Hard to believe such a tiny splinter could cause so much pain. And hard to believe Im so stubborn and stupid that Id live with that pain for a couple of weeks instead of simply solving the problem.

https://www.getrichslowly.org/solve-the-problem/

[themoneybuff-blog]

Just solve the problem!

While the contractors were working to replace the siding on our new home last summer, they discovered a termite infestation outside the bathroom.

Further investigation revealed that the floor under the tub was not only wet and damp, but had actually completely rotted. So, we hired somebody to repair the damage. On the first day he was here, I went into the bathroom barefoot. Oops. I stepped on a shard of glass tile. That splinter was stuck in my foot for weeks. At first, it didnt really affect normal activity. If I wore sneakers and socks, I barely felt it. But if I wore sandals, I got a sharp stabbing pain in the side of my left foot. If I tried to run, the same thing happened. And forget about going to the gym! Now, the obvious response here is, Why didnt you remove the sliver from your foot? Great question! On the very first night, Kim did try to remove the sliver, and we thought she got it. But the next morning when I took Tally for a walk, I realized the sliver was still there. But I didnt do anything about it. I lived with it for weeks, a constant source of low-grade irritation. This, my friends, is a perfect example of a couple of things. First, its my familys mentality in action. For some stupid stupid reason, we Roths dont like dealing with medical issues. When were sick, we suffer for days (or weeks) before going to a doctor. When were hurt, we just suck it up. When I was young, my mother sprained her ankle. She limped around for months before seeking medical attention. In college, I broke a finger playing touch football over Thanksgiving. I dealt with the intense pain until Christmas break, at which time I finally decided to see a doctor.Second, this a perfect example of putting up with a problem instead of finding a solution. Most people myself included are willing to tolerate a great deal of dissatisfaction and discomfort before deciding to remedy whatever is wrong in their lives. Im not sure why this is the case, but its true. With the glass shard in my foot, most of the time I barely noticed. But sometimes the pain was especially bad. I remember one morning while walking the dog, it felt like somebody was stabbing me with a needle. I just need to solve the problem, I thought to myself and that reminded me of some wise advice I once received. Just Solve the Problem About a decade ago, I worked with a life coach. Each week, wed have an hour-long phone conversation about the ways I was trying to become a better person. I made great progress in some areas, but little progress in others. One day, we were talking about my inability to eat a healthy breakfast. Ive always been the sort of guy who knows he should eat a nutritious breakfast but doesnt actually do so. My coach had been encouraging me to make this a habit in my life, but I kept complaining about all the reasons it wasnt possible. Eventually, shed had enough. J.D., youre being ridiculous, my coach said, exasperated. This isnt rocket science. Millions of people eat a healthy breakfast every day. You can too. You need to stop making excuses. You need to identify the problem and solve the problem. Just solve the problem! This advice hit me hard: Just solve the problem. Obvious, I know, but that doesnt mean its not powerful. I began to recognize that, in so many ways, I deliberately lived in the problem instead of living in the solution. I realized that maybe I could fix the things that were broken in my life if Id only take the time to do so. (After all, Id already made the resolution to become a money boss and that had worked wonders with my financial situation!) With breakfast, for instance, the solution was to make it easy to have healthy choices. For me, that meant stocking the fridge with egg whites and chicken sausage. It meant learning to like yogurt. It also meant giving myself permission to spend a little extra on pre-packaged fruit and not kidding breakfast steaks. (I was eating paleo at the time, so a piece of filet mignon was perfectly acceptableif somewhat expensive.) Related reading: A few months ago, there was a thread on Reddit discussing why people choose long-term inconvenience over short-term inconvenience: I just spent at least 10 minutes undoing several screws using the end of a butter knife that was already in the same room, rather than go upstairs and get a proper screw driver for the job that would have made the job a lot easier and quicker. And I spent weeks limping around with a sliver in my foot rather than have Kim spend five minutes taking it out. How Do You Solve the Problem? Just solve the problem is terrific advice that can be applied to all aspects of life. For almost a decade now, its been a mantra of mine. Admittedly, its a mantra that I sometimes forget to repeat to myself. But when I do remember to heed these words, they help me get a hell of a lot done. But just how do you go about solving the problems in your life? I believe theres a six-step process that you can use to tackle the things youve been neglecting for too long: Recognize a problem exists. You need to be conscious that a problem is present before you can figure out what that problem is. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Its easy to get complacent, to just accept that this is the way things are. For instance, you might be unhappy with your financial situation; you might realize that something with the way youre handling money isnt working.Identify the problem. After youve recognized that things arent right, ask yourself why. What is the specific problem thats leading to your unhappiness? Is there more than one problem? Using the previous example, once youve realized you need to do something different with your dollars, you might find that debt is dragging you down.Diagnose the source of the problem. Next, try to figure out why your problem exists. How did it start? Why does it continue? Why does it make you unhappy? With our financial example, youd quickly discover that your debt exists because you spend more than you earn. But why do you spend more than you earn? When did you start doing this? Why do you continue to do so?Brainstorm solutions. Now that youve identified the problem (and its source), its time to figure out how to fix things. This is the fun part. Come up with a list of ways you can overcome the problem thats been holding you back. To get out of debt, for instance, you might take a two-pronged approach: boost your income by taking a second job while also cutting back temporarily on some non-essentials.Formulate a plan. Once youve come up with a solution to your problem, make a plan to turn these dreams into reality. How specifically are you going to implement your solution? What steps can you take today and tomorrow to solve the problem? If youre trying to trim your budget, you might draft a prioritized list of places you can cut your spending. Then you can write down concrete steps to take toward each of these goals.Take action. The last step is the most important. To solve any problem, you must take action. It doesnt do any good to identify the problem, to brainstorm solutions, and to formulate a plan if youre not going to do the work necessary to make things right. Youll never get out of debt if all you do is tell yourself you ought to spend less. You must truly spend less in order to eliminate the problem. Heres one way Im currently using this just solve the problem methodology in my own life. As you may recall, Kim and I both packed on the pounds during our 15-month trip around the U.S. Weve been home nearly two years now, but we havent lost any weight. Were both aware that a problem exists: Were uncomfortable with how we feel. Why are we fat? Why arent we fit? Whats the source of the problem? Well, alcohol is a big culprit. We drink far too much beer and wine. In fact, Id go so far as to say that all the extra weight that each of us is carrying comes from booze. The lack of fitness, however, is because we got out of the habit of exercising. When we first met, we both went to the gym five times a week. Thats dropped to zero times a week. Yikes. So, how can we solve the problem(s)? First, we can drink less. Second, we can choose healthier foods. (Our diets arent terrible, but they arent great either.) Third, we can look for ways to make exercise happen instead of coming up with reasons that it cant. Now that we have some solutions, we can develop a plan to put them into action. Kim recently spent a couple of weeks doing a medically-supervised water fast to reset her system. When I return from this road trip, Im going to make fitness my top priority. (Sorry, GRS. Youll drop to number two.) Im going to return to my trusty paleo-ish diet, commit to cycling every day, and do what I can to avoid alcohol. The Bottom Line I have a terrible tendency to overthink things. I make them more complicated than they have to be. That was certainly the case back when my life coach was trying to teach me how to eat a healthy breakfast. I mean, how hard is it to pull a yogurt from the fridge? I get frustrated when people come up with reasons that something cant be done instead of thinking of ways it can be done. Yet Im guilty of the same thing when I fall into the trap of overthinking the problems in my life. Taking my foot as an example, I used all of the following as reasons not to remove the sliver: Oh, the contractors are still here. We should wait until they leave before we remove the splinter. (But, of course, by the time theyd left Id forgotten about it.)Oh, my feet are dirty right now. We should wait until Ive had a chance to clean them.Oh, Kim just got home from work. I should give her a chance to rest before I ask her to remove the splinter. (But, of course, Id forget to ask her to help me later.)Oh, were about to leave. Itd be inconvenient to take the time to get the splinter out now. We should do it when we get home.Oh, Im tired. We should just go to bed. We can always remove the splinter in the morning. Looking back, its clear to me that these were lame excuses. Id come up with reasons not to remove the sliver of glass instead of looking for an opportunity to get it done. Eventually, I recognized how foolish I was being. Kim and I sat down one night and she spent 45 minutes searching for the splinter in my foot. And you know what? As soon as she pulled it out, everything felt so much better. Hard to believe such a tiny splinter could cause so much pain. And hard to believe Im so stubborn and stupid that Id live with that pain for a couple of weeks instead of simply solving the problem.

https://www.getrichslowly.org/solve-the-problem/