#and then i completely overplay it and have to go on a cooldown

[plutonicbees]

lea jaffe was so real when she wrote what if i'm nothing but a cardiac arresting sweetheart, a half run over cat left in the street, and you're the maggot craving rotten flesh left outside in the heat. like. fucking yeah.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Friday Night Stabby best quotes part 25 (02/07/21)

Skizz is missing from this session so he was replaced by PearlescentMoon.

…

*Etho and Tango are accusing each other of murdering Impulse* Brody: I’m voting for Endless. Endless: That seems legit.

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Brody, dead: Remember when we were alive? Joker, dead: Yeah… Tango, dead: Good times.

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Pearl: I happen to have killed Impulse twice in a row now. Impulse: Yeah, she’s so mad about Timmy. Pearl: Yeah, poor Timmy fell into the void- Tango: What?! Impulse: Nothing nothing nothing nothing starting! Don’t worry about it! STARTING!!! Evil, to Tango: You really should watch the other Hermit videos. Impulse: I forgot he was still here.

...

*the game has bugged and made Astro slow without being giant* Brody: Mrs Tango and Astro, do you guys feel bad at all? Cuz we were just talking about Astro being a giant and I’m pretty sure Tango just like died right there and I didn’t see anyone come in here. Astro: There were more important things to worry about than Tango. Evil: Wow… Astro: I took all of the steroids and everything, and all I got was up to normal size. I’m very offended by this game right now.

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Evil: *calls emergency meeting* Evil: Hi! Brody: What’s up? Evil: I just wanted to say that I was done with my tasks and, you know, use the meta of resetting the cooldown by calling a meeting and telling you all I love you. Impulse: Smart. Etho and Mrs Tango: Aww! Brody, whispering: I hate you. *pause* Evil: Except that Brody guy. He’s kind of a jerk. Brody: I hate you!

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Impulse: *calls emergency meeting* Impulse: Announcement! Announcement! Impulse, with the announcer voice modifier: I have an announcement to make! I am done with my tasks! *they proceed to vote Impulse out*

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*some people start chanting “MVP! MVP!” at Joker for finishing his tasks* Endless: B-L-T! B-L-T! Evil: Look what Timmy [the pig] turned into. Impulse: Uh oh. Ouch. Too soon, Evil! Too soon! Don’t tell Tango, I don’t think he knows! Tango, deadpan: Yeah I don’t know anything about anything like that.

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Impulse: So last round I got thrown out for hitting the button. This round, I’m Button Barry. THAT’s not good…

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*after Impulse gets kicked and Astro automatically becomes host* Impulse: This is Astro’s lobby, everybody listen to Astro’s rules or ejection into space. Astro: Um… no making fun of people for being short. Impulse: Alright shorty, that’s enough rules for me.

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Impulse: Watch me scan. *hops on the scanner* Alright, got it? Now watch me nae nae. Joker: Oh GOD. I’m outta here. Shut up. Impulse: *laughs* Joker: If I could kill you right now, I would.

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Astro: Impulse, I have to know. What was the joke that I killed you for? Impulse: Oh, I said “watch me scan”, then I got on and I said “now watch me nae nae”. Astro: Yeah, you deserved to die.

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Tango: Hey guys, I’m going up to O2 here. Just letting you know. *pause* Joker: Did you hear something? Impulse: I dunno, Tango-. He always talks. I dunno what that was about.

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Joker: Yeaaah, but you are kind of weird, though. Endless: Just for that, I’m not gonna do any more tasks. Joker, laughing: Yes you are. *long pause* Endless: You’re right. Joker: I know. Endless: I’ll see you later. Joker: See you, buddy.

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*Pearl wins as jester because nobody believed Impulse when he said it was Evil* Impulse, with the announcer voice modifier: Attention attention! I am playing with a shipful of idiots!

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*after dying early* Impulse: I was looking forward to being Brody’s lover :( *pause* Impulse: That sounds bad.

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Impulse: They’re just mad cuz I’m fast, that’s all. They jelly. They all jelly cuz I can get my tasks done like a boss. Joker: Who ARE you?! Impulse: *laughs* Joker: I’m hip with what the new kids say. Astro: I’m… going over here now. Joker: What the new kids say nowadays. Impulse: Oh dude! Got my wires straight right away, poggers! Joker: Poggers?! Impulse: That was lit. Joker: Shut up!

...

Astro: All I’m gonna say, judging by the level of tasks that are completing, people are not killing very well, and I’m actually done with my tasks before the first meeting even got called. Endless: You’re awfully judgy, Astro. Tango: Wooow, look at you. Joker: That’s harsh. Evil: Okay, Judgy McJudgerson. Impulse: Way to make the imposters cry themselves to sleep tonight. Jeez. Astro: There’s only two people I’m judging here and that’s the imposters. Step up your game.

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Evil: Mrs T, I love you. You’re amazing, you know that? Mrs Tango: Aww…! I love you too. Evil: Obviously, you follow me on twitter.

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*Impulse caught Etho dancing around a body* Etho, giggling: So here’s what happened. Impulse came out of O2 and he was like “Etho, don’t go in there”. Impulse: *bursts out laughing* Etho: And I was like- I’m gonna go in there, right? And he’s like “no, Etho, don’t go in there”. Tango: I- Okay. Etho: And then he closes the door on me. Tango: I think we can establish that Etho is the jester now, right? Okay. Etho: And I open the door, and then I go and I check and there’s a dead Joker. Tango: This is- Etho, stick to solving crimes, man.

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(the same round) *Etho caught Tango and Endless killing* Etho, laughing: So Endless- He was like “Etho, don’t go in there”. *everyone laughs* Etho: And I was like “make me”. And he couldn’t, he couldn’t stop me. Endless: 100% not Etho. Etho: And then I caught Tango, and Tango was also like “Etho, don’t go in there”. Tango: Alright. Etho: So they’re the double killers; it wasn’t me. Tango: I am so confused right now!

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*that same meeting, votes are revealed as being tied between Impulse and skipping* Impulse: WHAT?! Evil: What the-?! How did it land on Impulse?! Impulse, with the announcer voice modifier: Four of you are idiots.

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(the same round) Etho: *calls emergency meeting* Endless: For god’s sake, Etho! Etho: Hey everybody :D *pause* Etho: Okay, so, Impulse and Pearl just went to specimen together and Impulse killed Pearl without any hesitation. Pearl: What do you mean? Endless: Pearl’s not dead! Pearl: I’m still alive! Tango: Oh my gosh. Evil: Etho! Why are you doing this?! Etho: Vote Impulse. Tango: Has he been drinking?!

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*the same meeting, the votes are tied between Tango and Impulse* Tango: OH my GOSH! Evil: Oh my god! Impulse, with the announcer voice modifier: Three of you are idiots. Endless: Well, you convinced one of them, Impulse. Brody: Pearl, aren’t you happy you joined us for this nonsense?

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(that same round) *Etho’s body is reported* Evil: The Endless had had enough of Etho’s… stuff and cut him in half right in front of me. Endless: Let’s discuss this, Evil. *pause* Endless: We both know it was Impulse.

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(later in the same meeting) Impulse: Let me explain, Endless. The better play would’ve been to say you were sheriff and you picked up on the fact that Etho was trying to overplay jester but he was actually covering up for the fact that he was imposter. But now that you haven’t done that- Endless: Don’t tell me how to play this game, Impulse. Astro was clearly morphed as me. Impulse: Oooookay. Astro: Where did I come into this conversation?!

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(after the round) Astro: So Impulse, you kept saying there were four idiots. There wasn’t, there was just one idiot. Evil: *laughs* Astro: An idiot who voted for you every round. Impulse: What?! Astro: I used my mayor votes on you and I was committed at that point.