#and then i can head canon him ending up with Tommy anyways | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

raspberrybesitos · 1 year ago

Text

mistletoe kisses | joel miller x f!reader

Main masterlist

Rating: M - 18+ MDNI

Word count: ~2.6k

Summary: You decorate the Christmas tree with some help from Joel and Ellie.

Warnings: established relationship, post-outbreak, Jackson era, canon divergent bc nothing bad ever happens to them ever 😁, sickening fluff, pet names (honey, darlin’, baby, babydoll, etc), allusions to smut, no mention of hair type/skin color/body type, NO USE OF Y/N.

A/N: surprise!!! i know i said this would be up on the 22nd, but i’ve got something else that will be up on saturday 🤭 and i just couldn’t stop thinking about giving this man a happy ending, including healing and starting new traditions with his family 😔 i wish joel was real 💔 anyway, i hope y’all enjoy! not beta’d, all mistakes are my own. 🏃‍♀️

Divider by @/saradika

Grumbling, he treks behind you, snow crunching beneath his work boots as he cautiously lugs the saw in his hands.

You’re rambling about finding the perfect tree in front of him, Ellie asking a million questions about the tradition.

He hadn’t expected, intended, to find a partner in Jackson. That is until he saw you, lugging a heavy crate of harvested crops across the town, your wagon having been broken. Tommy had told him about you, how you were single.

“She’s sweet as pie, brother. She might be good for you. Real pretty too.” Joel recalls the conversation he had with Tommy before he stormed off to the barn.

His Southern hospitality lay dormant until he saw you struggling. The urge to help creeped up on him. His typical quite observant demeanor tossed out the window as he approached you.

“Need some help?” He asks.

You wipe your brow, huffing before laying your eyes on the broad, handsomely rugged man in front of you - it’s Tommy’s brother. His name escaping you briefly.

You beam. “Oh. Sure. Thank you…” you trail off, slightly off guard by his kind gesture. His large gloved hand extends out towards you.

“Joel,” he finishes your sentence. “Thank you, Joel,” your hand shaking his, giving him your name. It rolls off his tongue with a certain sweetness, sending a flurry of butterflies to swirl in your belly. You knew of him, but knew he was also not a man of many words. You had yet to make acquaintances with him and who you assume is his daughter.

“You’re Tommy’s brother right?” You curiously ask, attempting to make small talk as Joel grunts while picking up the crate.

“Yes ma’am.”

Smiling at his Southern drawl, you run to help him carry one side of the heavy crate, feeling bad letting him do all the work.

“Uh uh, what do you think you’re doin’?” He asks, brow raised as you both stop in your tracks. “Helping you,” you state. He chuckles, shaking his head as he begins to walk.

“I asked if you needed help, darlin’. ‘Sides, what kinda man would I be letting a pretty girl like you carry all this shit by herself? My momma would have me by the head, ‘s for damn sure.”

You open your mouth to detest the notion that women need any assistance from men, but he stops you before you can.

“‘N I know ya don’t need any help from any man. You women are tough as shit, met a lota you over the years. Jus’ wanna help, ‘s all.” He kindly explains. You don’t understand why he wants to help, why he’s approached you specifically.

You’re aware that he’s typically very reserved, not leaving his house if he doesn’t have to. You’ve heard things about his past, and Tommy having confided in you at times, but the world has gone to shit. Who are you to judge? Everyone’s done some horrible stuff to stay alive.

He’s also painfully handsome. Opting to not object to his help and company, you sigh.

“Well, at least let me take some of the vegetables,” you protest, grabbing bunches of carrots. He chuckles quietly.

“Sure thing, darlin’,” he mutters. The nickname catching you both by surprise as a sort of tension falls over you two.

Flashing him a grateful toothy grin, you gather the vegetables in your arms. He gives you a small smirk in return.

“So how are you liking Jackson? I don’t see you ‘round much,” you ask as you begin the trek to the dining hall.

“‘S good. Big change, learnin’ the ropes of patrol. Makin’ sure Ellie’s settlin’ in,” he states. “And Ellie’s…”

“My family,” he says firmly. You nod, internally assuming she’s not his biological daughter.

“Well, I hope you both settle in nicely.” He feels his heart soften at your kindness.

He thought you’d have shied away from him, that you’d have listened to what people are saying about him around town.

But you didn’t. You took to him kindly, warmly.

He’ll be damned if he told Tommy he was right about you, He’d never hear the end of it… but shit, was he right. You were so kind and open-minded, and so beautiful.

The both of you making small talk as you trek to the dining hall, Joel lugging the crate into the kitchen for prep as you follow behind. He places the crate on the floor with a grunt. You drop the carrots in the box afterwards.

Rising to his feet, he sighs as he wipes his hands on his jeans, you copying his actions.

“Thank you again, Joel. I really appreciate it,” you tell him again. “Ain’t no problem, darlin’.”

Silence fills the air, save for the clanging and clattering of utensils in the kitchen.

“Would you… would you like to have a drink sometime? As a, uh, form of repayment for helping me today,” you timidly ask. A small smile breaks out onto Joel’s face.

“You ain’t gotta repay me, darlin’. But I’d love to grab a drink with ya,” he says.

Smiling from ear to ear, you nod happily. “It’s a date,” you say, before slapping a hand over your mouth as your eyes go wide. “I-I’m sorry. It’s not a date, it doesn't have to be. I mean, u-unless you want-,” you nervously ramble before Joel cuts you off.

“‘S a date,” he rasps. A soft smile on both your faces. The rest is history.

He wouldn’t trade that moment for the world, as he’s got you by his side now. He just didn’t expect that drink to lead him to trudging through the woods in the freezing early morning to cut down a tree.

He’d much rather be sleeping right now on his day off, but he can never say no to his girls.

Making your way through the woods, you and Ellie wind through the path while Joel stands and watches. There aren’t many trees, but just enough to scour from.

Not seeing any you like, you continue to walk down the path. “What about this one?” Ellie asks, standing next to a fir no taller than Joel.

Your eyes light up, a sparkly smile illuminating your face.

“It’s perfect. Great find, Ellie!” You yelp, high fiving the girl who’s equally excited.

“Hey, Joel!” Ellie shouts through her hands, her cheeks rosy and nose frosted. He clambers through the trees, saw in hand with his signature scowl. “Find one?”

“Mhmm,” Ellie says while beaming, you nodding in agreement. Joel sighs as he begins to saw down the tree. The trunk’s not very thick, the branches skinny, but still full enough to mimick the times before.

It falls to the snow covered ground, you and Ellie taking a few steps back. Joel stomps over to it, hoisting it up over his shoulder.

“Thank you, honey,” you whisper against his ear before placing a kiss on his patchy beard. His body flushing hot red from heat despite the cold air.

“Sure thing, baby,” he says bashfully, smiling a smile only reserved for you. Lacing his fingers with yours, you walk hand-in-hand back to the house with Ellie rambling ahead of you, vibrating with excitement.

“Joel, could you move it a little to the left?” You ask, hands clasped together over your lips. Joel grunts, red in the face as he shoves the fir to the left.

“A little more, please?”

Another grunt.

“A liiiitttllleee more.”

With a sigh, he shoves it once more.

“Perfect!” You clap. Joel rises to his full height, groaning as his bones crack and ache. You stride to him, leaning in for a kiss.

He could never stay annoyed at you.

“Thank you, honey,” you mutter with a dopey grin. Joel mirrors your expression, wrapping his hands around your waist and pressing his lips against yours. A saccharine kiss, your fingers curling in his grays.

His heart flutters as you sigh into him, your contentment radiating through your chest and into his soul.

When the fuck did his heart ever flutter?

“You guys gonna do that all fucking day or what?!” Ellie shouts, cutting ribbon and twine for the decorations.

You both startle at the sound of her voice, jumping in Joel’s arms. Joel glares at Ellie as laughter bubbles over your lips.

“Sorry, Ellie,” you call out. “Seriously, thank you, honey,” you tell Joel with a pat on his broad chest.

“No problem, darlin’,” he says softly with a swift kiss to your forehead before releasing you from his grasp. Joel strides into the kitchen to heat up some milk, with you rushing over to Ellie who sits at the dining table with an array of supplies.

You’re so good with Ellie, so patient with her while gently explaining how to string the dried oranges on the twine. She gets the hang of it pretty easily, holding it up and beaming with pride. Your giddiness mirroring hers, praising her as you waltz into the kitchen with Joel.

Placing a chaste kiss to his cheek, you flit around him as you pop some kernels in a hot pan. Transforming them into popcorn to make more garlands, and working in comfortable silence alongside each other.

You dump the popcorn into a bowl, you place a tender kiss on his shoulder before returning to Ellie.

Joel feels warm, and it’s not from the heat of the stove.

He preps mugs of hot chocolate for all of you, the chocolate powder stale but still good - the novelty of the gesture still there and just as sweet.

Padding into the living room, the sight of you two making decorations at the table and placing them on the tree tugs at Joel’s heart strings. Remembering how he’d help Sarah decorate their tree every year. Swallowing his grief, he allows himself to enjoy this moment while remembering his daughter.

That’s something you’re teaching him - not to take moments, things, people for granted.

Despite the pain, he knows he’ll confide in you later tonight about it when you’re alone. He sets the mugs on the table, making you pop your head up to flash him a dazzling smile.

“Thank you, honey.”

“‘Course, baby,” he says with a wink. Your smile grows wider, Ellie looking up and rolling her eyes. She playfully gags, Joel smacking his lips as his smile morphs into a scowl.

“Knock it off, kid,” he scolds.

“You knock it off, old man. We’re working here, and you keep distracting my partner,” she retorts. He scoffs, rolling his eyes. You can’t help, but laugh at their banter.

“Sorry, Ellie. I promise I’m listening,” your laughter dissolving into giggles. Joel rolls his eyes before getting a fire going in the fireplace.

Standing back and taking in the scene playing out in front of him. Hot chocolate, a tree, decorations being strung upon it - how is this possible? What did he do to deserve this?

He shakes the thought from his head, not questioning the good thing – the very good thing – in front of him. Instead, he enjoys watching his girls flit around the tree.

Ellie excitedly attempts to place the makeshift star on the tree that she crafted out of some stray branches and extra paper she had in her sketch pad.

She can’t reach, being significantly shorter than the tree. Huffing in defeat, she shoots you a look - both of you thinking the same thing. She whips around, paper star in hand.

“Joel, wanna do the honors?” She asks, holding out the star. Joel swallows thickly, never having thought he’d be doing this again.

“Sure,” he softly says, taking the star from Ellie and setting it atop the tree. The three of you stand back, admiring your hard work in silence, as you tightly wrap your arms around Joel’s middle. He holds you tighter.

“Looks good,” he mumbles. You nod, soft smile on your face.

“Hell yeah, it does!” Ellie giddily yells before cutting off her next thought. “No way, is that hot chocolate?!” She shouts, rushing to the table to grab a mug.

“Yeah, careful kid, it’s still hot,” Joel warns, still wound up in your arms. Ellie blows caution to the wind as she gulps it down.

“Ellie, slow down! You’re gonna get a stomachache,” you scold lightly. “It’s hot chocolate! When the hell am I ever gonna come across this again?!”

“I’ll find some more, jus’ slow down! Gonna be all fuckin’ hopped up on sugar,” Joel begrudgingly says. Rolling her eyes, she glances at the clock. Her eyes bug out of her head.

“Shit! I told Cat I’d meet her at 6!” She shouts before gulping down the rest of her hot chocolate, slamming the mug on the table.

“Be back later!” She says, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Be back by 9!” Joel shouts. “Mhmm,” her tone dismissive. “I mean it, Ellie,” he warns.

“Sure thing, old man!” She says before reaching for the doorknob. “Ellie, 9 o’clock, okay?” You chime in, asking.

She turns around, taking in the both of you. “Okay,” she says with another roll of her eyes and an exasperated sigh before heading out the door. It slams shut, making you and Joel wince.

Joel rolls his eyes. “Girl don’t listen,” rubbing his face as he grumbles.

“She’s just excited, can you blame her? Besides, she’s safe here, Joel,” you say, comfortingly rubbing your hands up and down his broad flannel-covered chest.

“I know. Just still getting used to all this,” he rasps. The two of you still stand in the doorway, wrapped up in one another before a grin breaks out on your face.

“Oh, could you help me with one more thing?” You beam at him. His brow quirks up in confusion. “‘Course, baby. What do ya need?”

You unravel yourself from his embrace, padding into the kitchen. He hears you clambering, his curiosity peaking. You return with something behind your back, smiling wider now.

Whipping the sprig of mistletoe from behind your back, you hold it above your head. His features softening.

Joel immediately recognizes what you’re holding, beaming at your antics.

“Could you help me hang this up please?” You ask, drawing out the last syllable, batting your lashes at him with a sly smirk.

“Y’know, if ya wanted a kiss, all ya gotta do is ask, babydoll,” he rasps as he takes it from you, not missing the chance to place a teasing kiss on your cheek. Waves of heat run through you from head to toe.

Joel hangs the mistletoe with ease on a nail that’s been conveniently placed above the kitchen entryway, right where you’re both standing.

You must’ve put it up there when he was on patrol a few days ago.

The red ribbon you tied around the plant stands out against the dark framing, the fire crackles in the background and illuminates the house.

“Well would ya look at that,” his voice low and husky as he locks his gaze with yours. A goofy grin on your face. “Huh. Guess you gotta kiss me now.”

“Don’t need mistletoe for that, babydoll,” he whispers. The two of you connect your lips with each other’s. Sighing into him, you finally have a moment alone with him today. You card your fingers through his hair, a satisfied groan escapes him.

You pull away breathlessly, both yours and Joel’s eyes heavy and glazed over.

“Ya know… Ellie won’t be back til 9. We’ve got some time left,” you teasingly whisper in his ear while he places a kiss to your neck.

“Lead the way, darlin,” he rasps, the two of you rushing upstairs.

just felt like writing some tooth rotting fluff for my Joely, i love him sm 😔

i hope y’all enjoyed! 🫶🏼 thank you for reading 🩷

tag list: @gracieheartspedro @sapphic-gardn @undrthelights @javierpena-inatacvest @nostalxgic @party-hearses @mandoisapunk @tinygarbage @bastardmandennis @janaispunk @persephone-girl @harriedandharassed @its-nebuleuse

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #joel miller one shot #joel miller tlou

494 notes · View notes

queenshelby · 1 year ago

Text

ONE SHOT: HIS LITTLE GIRL

PART TwO OF THE DARK & SEXY SERIES

NOTE: This is a series of one shots and mini series for Cillian Murphy & Tommy Shelby in which he acts totally off-canon. Most of these shots are very dark in nature and you should read their individual warnings. All of these shots are requests from readers. Co-written with @darkshelbyfiction! ALL CHARACTERS ARE OVER 18. MINORS DNI.

PAIRING: CILLIAN MURPHY X VIRGIN READER

WARNING: DUB-CON, LOSS OF VIRGINITY, FORCED BREEDING (SOMEWHAT), DDLG-STYLE STORY, HUGE AGE GAP

It was Friday Evening, a few weeks after your 18th birthday and, as usual, you were out with friends when you ended up in some trouble.

You were sitting at the bar, nursing a drink when a group of guys started harassing you. They kept commenting on how pretty you looked and wouldn't leave you alone.

You knew you couldn't handle them, so you did what you always do when you needed help and your father was away for work. You called your father's friend, Cillian who had been dealing with your misbehavior and troublesome nature for quite some time after your parents had divorced.

He was an attractive man, in his mid-forties, with slightly greying hair and piercing blue eyes; he possessed a dominating and intimidating aura that seemed to command respect and when you saw him enter the bar, you were relieved.

"Cillian! Thank God you're here! I was being harassed by these creeps," you said, your voice cracking slightly as you tried to maintain composure while still trembling from fear as he walked in.

His eyes scanned the crowd, locking onto the group of men huddled together near the bar entrance.

"Y/N, let's get out of here," he said firmly, taking your hand and leading you away from the commotion. You felt a surge of relief, grateful that he had arrived just in time.

As you walked through the crowded bar, you could feel the stares of the other patrons on the back of your neck. You glanced sideways at Cillian, admiring his confident posture and the way he held his head high, as if daring anyone to challenge him. The mere thought of having someone take care of you sent a warm feeling coursing through your veins.

"What the fuck are you doing in a place like this anyway?" Cillian asked as he led you outside into the cool night air. "I mean, it's not like you've ever been much for restraint, but really now, Y/N?"

You didn't respond right away, instead opting to focus on breathing in the fresh breeze wafting over the cityscape. But then, you offered a sheepish smile and replied, "Well, I decided to try something new, and here we are."

Cillian snorted in response before offering to take you to his place since it was late and there wasn't any sense in letting you walk home alone, let alone allow you to stay in the empty house by yourself.

"Okay, but can you not tell dad about this?" you asked hesitantly, looking up at Cillian.

"Sure, I will promise to keep quiet if you promise me to behave yourself the next time you go out and do not go to shady places like these," he replied gruffly, flashing a lopsided grin at you. His car was parked a few blocks away and the walk was a welcome change from the crowded bar. You chatted idly as you made your way to the vehicle, the tension from earlier beginning to dissipate.

Once inside the car, Cillian drove smoothly toward his apartment, and you couldn't help but admire the strength emanating from him despite his calm demeanor.

When you arrived at Cillian's place, he unlocked the door quietly, leading you upstairs to his living room with a protective hand on your lower back. You could feel his gaze lingering on you as he fumbled around in the dim light trying to find the switch for the lights.

Finally, the room lit up, revealing the tasteful decor and cozy furniture and, since he had only just moved into this new apartment, you took some time to assess your surroundings.

This place was a stark contrast to your father's modest abode - it was bigger, brighter, and filled with modern art pieces that hung on the walls. There was even a balcony overlooking the city, which would make for an amazing spot to watch the sunrise on lazy mornings. You realized that this was the first time you actually saw Cillian's home and it made you feel a bit awkward. However, you soon found your bearings and started making small talk with him as you waited for him to gather some blankets and pillows for you to sleep on the couch.

"Now tell me, how is school going for you?" Cillian asked casually, knowing that you were just about to sit your final exams, breaking the silence between you both as he took a seat next to you on the couch and handed you a glass of water.

"Oh, same old stuff, you know, studying, taking tests," you replied nonchalantly, shrugging off the question.

"And that boyfriend of yours? How is he doing?" he continued, a hint of worry creeping into his tone after he had met this young man a few weeks ago.

"We broke up last week," you admitted, feeling a pang of sadness. "It turned out that he was cheating on me all along."

Cillian placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"It's just. I never...I mean, I should have seen it coming," you mused aloud, swirling the ice around in your glass of water.

"Listen Y/N, you are a good girl. There will be others, others who are much more deserving of you," Cillian murmured softly, his thumb caressing your cheek gently, sending shivers down your spine. "But until then, don't rush things; it isn't healthy. Take some time for yourself, figure out what you want in life, and go for it."

"I guess you're right, Cillian," you sighed wistfully, staring blankly at the floor in front of you.

"I know I am right. I am always right," he mused, running a finger along your arm. You flinched at first, startled by the unexpected touch, but gradually relaxed under his gentle guidance. "Like I said, you are a smart girl, Y/N, so don't waste your youth on boys who don't deserve you," he went on to say before leaning closer.

You could smell the faint scent of soap and shampoo on his skin, a mixture of spice and cleanliness that made you feel strangely comfortable.

His fingers grazed your arm gently, sending a lightning bolt of excitement racing through your body. You wanted to pull away and yet, something strange compelled you to stay put.

"Thanks, Cillian," you managed to squeak out, your heart pounding loudly enough to drown out everything else.

"You are welcome," he responded smoothly, reaching over to brush a stray lock of hair behind your ear. His fingers lingered against your cheek, and his scent enveloped you, leaving traces of warmth in your wake.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you allowed yourself to lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder while his fingers traced undefined patterns over your skin.

His fingers eventually followed a trail from your neck down to your breasts, and as they reached your chest, he paused.

"You are beautiful, you know that right?" he whispered into your ear, his breath tickling your neck.

"I guess, yes," you muttered, your heart hammering wildly beneath your ribs as Cillian's fingers moved downward.

"Good," Cillian said and you could feel the heat rising within you, intensifying every sensation and emotion. His touch was almost too much to bear, yet it was also irresistible. You swallowed hard, unable to look away, captivated by the sensations coursing through your body.

"Let me ask you, Y/N, has your boyfriend ever touched you up here?" asked Cillian, his fingers tracing circles over your clothed breasts and your eyes widened, and you gulped nervously. "Yes, sometimes he has," you mumbled, biting your lip to suppress a moan.

"How about down there? Has he touched your special place?" Cillian's fingers danced provocatively, inching closer to your groin.

Your heart raced, palms sweating, as you shook your head in disbelief. You'd never imagined this kind of situation with Cillian, but his presence was intoxicating, overwhelming your senses.

"No, no one has," you finally mustered.

"Really?" Cillian's tone grew huskier, his fingers now brushing against your inner thigh.

"I bet you're wet though, aren't you?" he asked you, smirking wickedly.

"No, I don't think so," you whimpered, but your voice lacked conviction as his fingers slid upwards, dangerously close to your panties.

"Come on, Y/N, admit it. I know you are aroused right now," Cillian coaxed, his voice low and seductive. "I have seen how you have been looking at me for years and now that you are old enough...," he then went on to say before trailing off and your face burned hot with embarrassment, but Cillian's fingers were relentless, dancing dangerously close to your panties.

"Cillian, we shouldn't," you protested weakly, but your heart raced and your breath quickened, betraying any attempt at resistance.

"Why not? Don't you want to be a good girl for me?" Cillian purred, his fingers teasing the edge of your panties.

"I do, but..." you trailed off, struggling to form coherent sentences.

"But what?" he prodded, his fingers slipping underneath the waistband of your panties. "Are you afraid of getting caught? Or maybe you think that you are still too young to have sex?" Cillian teased, his fingers expertly navigating through your underwear, his movements slow and deliberate.

"No, but I am nervous," you admitted, your voice barely audible. The anticipation building within you was overwhelming, and you desperately wanted to feel his breath on your skin.

"Nervous about what?" Cillian taunted, his fingertips pressing lightly against your clitoris beneath your underwear.

"I am nervous about having sex. I am worried that it will hurt when you put your, you know....in there..." you murmured, causing Cillian to chuckle.

"That's the thing, Y/N. The first time might be a little uncomfortable, but once you're used to it, it feels incredible. And trust me, I'll be gentle if you let me be your first," he assured you, his fingers now running over your wet slit, beneath your panties.

"I promise," he added, dipping one finger inside. You gasped softly, unprepared for the sudden intrusion.

"That feels weird," you gasped, gritting your teeth and clutching onto his arm for support.

"Because it's new," Cillian reassured you, his finger withdrawing briefly before sliding back in. "Try to relax, and breathe with me."

You nodded, closing your eyes and focusing on his voice, his rhythmic breathing. Slowly, you began to loosen up, allowing your muscles to unwind.

With each gentle thrust, you could feel his finger exploring deeper, discovering hidden depths within you.

You moaned softly, your hips undulating involuntarily, your breath becoming ragged.

Suddenly, he withdrew his finger, leaving you panting and wanting more.

"You are very wet now, Y/N," he murmured, his voice deepening even further as he pulled your panties down and slipped a digit back inside your folds. "And your pussy is so swollen, so ready for me. Please let me have sex with you," he begged you and your eyes shot open wide, and you gasped at the realization of what was about to happen if you said "yes"... You could feel your pulse throbbing in your veins, and your cheeks burning bright red.

"Come on Y/N. Let me put my cock inside that this little hole of yours. I promise it won't hurt for long," Cillian said, his voice dripping with lust. You glanced around nervously, aware that your heart was pounding uncontrollably and your breathing was heavy.

"You want to be my good girl, don't you?" Cillian whispered softly, his fingertip circling your nipple, creating a jolt of pleasure through your entire body.

"Okay, but you need to wear a condom," you interjected, swallowing nervously.

"Of course," Cillian reassured you before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small foil packet.

You watched intently as he undid his pants, pulled them down and then carefully removed the condom, rolling it onto his erect cock with practiced ease. Your heart hammered in your chest and your own juices pooled between your thighs at the sight of his engorged member.

"So beautiful. Now spread your legs for me, baby," Cillian instructed, his voice thick with desire. You did as you were told, your hands shaking with anticipation. Cillian knelt between your spread legs, his erection hovering just inches from your wet, eager pussy.

"Just like this, huh?" he asked, rubbing the tip of his cock against your soaked opening. You whimpered, unable to contain your nervousness.

His cock looked huge in comparison to your small opening and the idea of having it inside you frightened you, but also excited you beyond belief.

"Relax, alright?" Cillian murmured softly, placing a supportive hand on your hip. "You might bleed a little, but it's completely normal. Trust me, it's nothing to worry about." His voice carried a soothing quality, and your heart rate gradually slowed down.

"Now, lift off the couch a little so that I can watch my cock go in," Cillian declared assertively, the intensity in his voice raising goosebumps across your arms.

You gulped, shifting uncomfortably on the couch.

"Do you want me to lie back?" you ventured, feeling exposed yet curious after you adjusted your position.

"No, I want you to stay exactly where you are," Cillian insisted, his hand gripping your knee firmly.

"Okay," you murmured and Cillian sensed your apprehension and gave you a sly glance.

"Relax, Y/N. We are going to do this right," he assured you, his eyes locked on you. "It is going to be fun, okay? Just trust me."

You gave a weak nod, your heartbeat echoing in your ears, and a thin film of perspiration formed on your forehead. Cillian leaned in, his breath hot on your skin as he whispered, "Ready?"

"Yeah," you managed to croak back, your voice hoarse from anxiety.

You shifted restlessly on the couch, your heart pounding in your chest like a jackhammer. Cillian's firm grip on your knee grounded you, and gradually, you began to settle into the moment.

"Don't worry, I'll go slow," Cillian whispered, his voice rich and husky as he pressed the head of his cock against your wet entrance. You inhaled, steadying yourself, bracing for the pain.

"Breathe with me, Y/N," Cillian coaxed, his breath hot on your skin. "Take a deep breath and push out your pelvis."

You complied, your eyes squeezed shut as you focused on relaxing your muscles. Cillian eased forward, and with a slight pop, his cock breached your tight barrier.

"Ow!" you cried out, instinctively tightening against the intrusion.

"It's okay, Y/N," Cillian murmured encouragingly, stroking your upper thigh. "Just relax and remember to breathe."

You took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as you forced yourself to relax. Cillian maintained a steady pressure, guiding his cock deeper into your slick, tight channel. Your heart hammered against your ribcage, threatening to burst free at any moment.

"Almost there," Cillian whispered, his voice sounding far away.

You grunted softly, feeling the stretch and burn intensify.

Cillian continued to guide his cock deeper, his pace steady and measured. The discomfort was overwhelming, but you focused on taking measured breaths, reminding yourself that this was part of the process.

"Alright, Y/N, we're halfway there," Cillian murmured, his voice low and soothing. "You're doing great."

"Is it supposed to hurt like this?" you whimpered, squirming uncomfortably.

"It is supposed to hurt a little," Cillian answered honestly before adding, "but it won't last forever. Just breathe and stay still for me. You will get used to the feeling soon," he reassured you and you took several deep breaths, willing yourself to relax. There was some blood on the cushion beneath you, but you pushed the image aside and focused on the task at hand.

Eventually, you felt him bottom out inside you, his cock filling you up completely with a sensation you hadn't experienced before.

Your heart pounded furiously, and your breathing became ragged.

"You're so damn tight, it feels so fucking good," Cillian groaned, his voice strained and husky and, despite his efforts, his cock twitched inside you, growing harder.

"Please," you managed to whisper, unsure whether you were agreeing to continue or begging him to stop. You could feel your insides quivering, an unfamiliar sensation spreading throughout your body. It was pleasurable at last and this, mixed with the pain, confused you.

Cillian's grip on your knee tightened slightly, steadying himself as he prepared to begin moving. He took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it slowly.

"Okay, Y/N, I'm going to start moving now," he warned, his voice husky and low. "Just relax and tell me if it hurts too much."

You managed a weak nod, squeezing your eyes shut and bracing yourself for the inevitable pain. Cillian began to move, his cock sliding back and forth inside you with agonizing slowness.

Each stroke sent waves of pleasure-pain coursing through your body, making you moan softly. You could feel his warm breath on your neck, and your heart pounded relentlessly in your chest. he growled in your ear, his voice low and gravelly.

"Oh, sweetheart, you're wound tighter than a spring. I can feel you clenching around me, fighting the urge to come undone."

You squirmed uneasily, your heart pounding like a war drum in your chest. "Cillian, please," you whimpered, your voice cracking like a gunshot. "Please, I can't," you moaned but he silenced you with a kiss, his tongue plunging into your mouth, tasting of salt and sin. His cock pulsed inside you, relentless as an iron fist.

It seemed to fill you up more fully with each passing second, and the exquisite torment it inflicted upon your tender flesh drove you to distraction.

"Feel it, Y/N?" Cillian whispered, his voice husky and low. "My cock is stretching you to your limits and it feels so good. You are so tight and so warm," he groaned and you could only nod in agreement, your breaths ragged and desperate. Cillian's cock surged inside you, thrusting deeper and harder with each passing moment.

Each movement sent delicious spasms through your body, making you moan helplessly. You could feel yourself unraveling around him, losing control of your inhibitions.

"Oh, God, Cillian," you whimpered, your voice cracking with desperation. "You feel so good inside me."

Cillian's eyes gleamed with triumph, his cock swelling larger and thicker. An insatiable hunger ignited within you, driving you to claw at his shoulders and squeeze his ass tightly.

"That's a good girl," Cillian rasped, his cock pulsing intensely within you. "Taking my cock like a champ."

You could feel the walls of your pussy clenching around his invading shaft, contracting rhythmically like a vise. Each contraction brought another wave of ecstasy, as you surrendered yourself to the blissful agony consuming you.

"Oh, fuck," Cillian groaned, his cock flexing powerfully within you. "So goddamn tight," he gasped before pulling out of you abruptly. "How about you turn around for me now and get on to your hands and knees," he ordered.

You hesitated for a moment, your heart pounding against your chest like a madman. But somehow, you trusted him. After all, he was Cillian Murphy—the man you've fantasized about for what felt like a lifetime. With a trembling hand, you slowly rotated your body until you were facing the opposite direction. You bent over, your hands supporting your weight on the couch cushions.

"Perfect," he praised. "Stay like that."

You heard him shuffling around behind you but did not pay much attention to what he was doing as, unbeknownst to you, he pulled the condom off his shaft and discarded it on the floor, wanting to fuck you bare.

He then grabbed your hips roughly and pulled you back against him. His bare shaft entered you, feeling warmer and smoother than before.

It slid effortlessly into your welcoming pussy, the sensation of his flesh against yours setting fire to your nerves.

"Something feels different," you gasped, confused, but Cillian silenced you.

"Shh," Cillian hushed you, his warm breath fanning your ear. "Everything's fine," he said before he thrust into you again, his cock sliding deeply within you with a hungry growl. The sensation of his naked cock penetrating you felt amazing for him and you, but you still did not know why it felt different then before and put it down to the change in positioning.

For Cillian, this act was raw, primal, and absolutely thrilling. The thought of having his cum inside you thrilled him even more, claiming you as his.

"God, Y/N," he gasped, his breath hot on your neck.

"Your pussy feels so fucking good," he groaned and you bit your lip, trying to stifle a moan.

"Cillian," you whimpered, your voice hoarse with desire, still unaware that he was now fucking you raw. His bare cock was inside you now just as he was getting ready to cum and you knew nothing about it.

"I am close baby. So fucking close," Cillian muttered while slamming into you. Each thrust filled you with an intoxicating mix of pleasure and pain that left you breathless.

"Oh, God, Cillian," you moaned, your voice cracking with desperation.

You could feel the walls of your pussy clenching around his invading shaft, contracting rhythmically like a vice and, soon enough, you could not take it anymore and came undone.

You orgasmed, spasming around his cock, milking him and forcing you both to shout out in euphoria.

You felt your inner walls tighten around him, and Cillian's cock swelled, spurting hot cum deep inside you. His seed mixing with your wetness, marking you as his.

"Fuck," he groaned, his seed bursting forth, painting your insides white. You gasped in shock, your body tensing up as his semen spilled into you.

You felt the warm sticky substance trickling down your inner thighs but did not think anything of it, ignoring it in post-orgasmic bliss.

Then, after a few more thrusts, Cillian pulled out of you and collapsed beside you on the couch and, immediately, you sat up, your gaze landing on the spot where both of you had been lying.

You didn't notice it initially, but now, you couldn't help but stare at that spot while Cillian reached for a box of tissues and, without words, handing you a wad of paper towels.

"What for?" you asked, puzzled as and he gestured to your pussy, leaking his cum.

You stared at your own pussy before registering what had taken place. He had ejaculated inside you. The thought made you blush profusely but you didn't say anything.

You clean up the mess with the tissue, wiping up the remnants of his release before tossing it in the trashcan.

"Your pussy looks so good, leaking my cum," Cillian says, admiring your visibly flushed face and damp hair.

"Why did you do that?" you ask, knowing full well that he intentionally removed the condom.

"I wanted to claim you," Cillian replies, his voice deep and resonant. "I needed to show you that you belong to me; that we are meant to be together," he told you while caressing your cheek gently with his thumb. "And now you are mine," he added confidently before forcefully kissing you again, his lips crushing yours hungrily till your body weakened under his passion.

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy fanfic

480 notes · View notes

buddiebeginz · 10 months ago

Text

Since I'm still seeing posts where people are saying Buck wanted Tommy's attention in 7x04 I thought I would do a break down of the episode. Cause the entire thing was about how Buck wanted Eddie's attention full stop and I'm baffled that some of you missed that it wasn't exactly subtle:

This is going to be a long post with gifs so I'll put it under the cut

First there was the mansion call. (I know some might say this scene is different because it was meant to be a part of episode 7x05. Doesn't matter they changed the order so it's canon for this ep and so Buck's behavior in it is relevant).

Buck trying to get Eddie's attention with the random facts he knows and also because he knows no one listens and appreciates that stuff about him like Eddie:

Buck glued to Eddie's side the whole call.

Buck also not showing any interest in the ladies from the Bachelor while he's standing with Eddie.

---

Then you have the scene at the hanger:

Here's the thing I do believe Buck has an attraction to Tommy and is interested in him but the main draw Buck has to Tommy is because of the multiple similarities Tommy has to Eddie. The show was practically putting a neon sign above Eddie and Tommy multiple times saying that Tommy is a mirror of Eddie.

I'd also like to point out that maybe it was just me but Tommy didn't seem all that interested in Buck throughout this scene or really any scene until the last one. Now yeah he could have been being cautious because he didn't know if Buck was into guys but I honestly got the vibe he was into Eddie. I can't help but wonder if he was trying to get with Eddie and then maybe in Vegas Eddie told him he was straight (not that he is) or maybe Eddie just told him he has a beard girlfriend. No one can convince me otherwise that Tommy doesn't think there's something between Eddie and Buck. I 100% believe all Eddie did was talk about Buck when they hung out and Buck did the same thing right up until Tommy kissed him. That whole "my attention" line was very telling. Tommy you're gonna get your heart broken but I get it dude Buck is hot.

So anyway Buck goes for a tour and unsurprisingly he brings up Eddie before Eddie ever shows up. And while yeah it's him responding to Tommy saying he was in the army it just feels like a partner moment. Like yeah no way my boyfriend was in the army. Buck talking about Eddie is as second nature as someone talking about their spouse. They're such an integrated part of their life that they don't even realize how much they talk about each other. It'll be interesting to see if Buck does the same thing when he's on his date with Tommy too.

Then Eddie shows up and if you watch Buck the whole scene once Eddie arrives he's almost exclusively watching Eddie.

(watching Eddie walk away)

Here's the difference btw in one of the few times he looks at tommy (when Tommy speaks) after Eddie show up 👇

Then at the end you have Buck make this face:

Which I think isn't so much about feeling left out as it is seeing how happy Eddie is and knowing he's not the one making him happy. Although I don't think Buck is consciously processing all of that right now but I definitely think that was a big part of it.

I think in this whole scene what's going on in Buck's head is this: 1. surprise that Eddie is there because he didn't expect him 2. Why didn't Eddie tell me he was hanging out with Tommy (I usually know everything going on with Eddie). 3. Trying to understand what he's feeling when he sees Eddie and Tommy together. 4. Feeling confused about everything. 5. Jealous that Eddie is going off with someone who isn't him but not really understanding that's what it is.

I get some people might watch that scene and say well Buck was essentially asking Tommy out on a date and then Eddie showed up an took off with him so he must be jealous that Eddie is getting to spend time with Tommy. Buck obviously has an attraction to Tommy but the person he really wants and wants to spend time with is Eddie this is further highlighted by the next scene we see them in when Buck keeps getting more and more upset over hearing about how Eddie is doing things he enjoys with someone who isn't Buck. But also in how Buck acted while at the at the hanger. He wasn't focused on Tommy. I mean have you ever been crushing on someone when they're in the room it's like no one else is. The person who Buck couldn't take his eyes off of was Eddie.

-------

Next we have the sewer rescue scene with Ravi. (We really need more Ravi and Buddie scenes btw I love them together) We have Buddie working together as per usual. Highlighting like in the Bachelor scene how well they work together which they always do.

You have Buck telling the story from the pilot about when he saved that baby in the wall and Eddie smiling fondly like a typical spouse who has heard that story a million times.

While they're working Buck is spending the whole call trying to find out what Eddie was up to when he went to Vegas.

Buck is asking a million questions which implies that Eddie hasn't told him yet about the trip. This goes back to the helicopter scene where Buck didn't know Eddie was spending time with Tommy and is really starting to feel left out. Again this isn't really about Tommy or Buck feeling like he's missing out on spending time with Tommy it's Buck feeling like he's missing out on Eddie's life.

Buck calls out the similarities between Eddie and Tommy

Although he's still clueless that this is what is primarily causing him to be drawn to Tommy. More than anything this was for the audience to again say in case you didn't catch it by now Tommy is like Eddie. They want to keep reminding us of this before the kiss so we know Buck is going to date someone who is like his best friend.

Also want to point out that while Buck is talking about Tommy to Eddie the camera shakes at points so we feel Buck's nerves. He's nervous to hear what Eddie has to say about Tommy.

Also the whole conversation about "naked men pummeling each other" and Eddie saying that he was wrestling with Tommy. Like I'm sorry but not one ounce of that convo felt heterosexual.

I've seen someone say that Buck's jealousy must have been about Tommy because Buck isn't even interested in the things Eddie and Tommy were doing together like Muay Thai and basketball etc but you can hear/see Buck getting more and more hurt as he and Eddie talk because Eddie is sharing parts of himself with someone else.

I feel like there's multiple reasons why Eddie and Buck haven't been spending as much time together. I mean yeah Eddie made a new friend but for the longest time it's been BuckandEddie like peas in a pod in work and outside. But I think the end of season six played a role in some of that changing

At the end of last season they were both dating someone else and they had both gone through some major trauma with Buck literally dying for 3+ minutes. We know that seriously affected Buck but the show didn't touch on how I know it must have affected Eddie. If you watch the scene (from 7x01) where Buck talks to Chris and we see Eddie's reaction in the hall when Chris talks about how everyone leaves. I can't help but think Buck's brush with death made Eddie think of Shannon and how scared he is to lose another person he loves or worse put Chris through that.

Not to mention what Buck said in the cemetery how he felt like Natalia this woman he had known for less than a minute saw him better than anyone. I feel like all of that combined made Eddie distance himself a little even if he wasn't doing it totally consciously.

There's also the fact that I think Buck has kind of taken Eddie for granted a little. We find out later in the ep that Eddie had asked Buck to play basketball with him many times but he'd always turned him down. I also got the impression in this ep that Eddie has all these hobbies that he was sharing with Tommy when he would have rather been doing them with Buck (he was so excited when Buck showed up on the basketball court).

And I'm not saying Buck doesn't love Eddie or hasn't tried hard to be there for Eddie and Chris over the years but it's something that happens in relationships sometimes. You think the person is always going to be there and you get distracted with life stuff.

This combined with things Oliver has been saying in interviews about how Buck is going to have to put in work for his next relationship. How Buck has always gotten whatever person he wanted mostly and I can't help but wonder if that's going to play a role in how Buddie is developed. Is Buck going to have to prove to Eddie how much he means to him?

This part of the scene if no other really lets you know it's about Eddie and not Tommy. We can see how Buck is looking at Eddie when he says I do I really do and we feel all these intense emotions from him more than would make sense for the brief amount of time he's known Tommy. He's clearly thinking of when he met Eddie.

These are really just the baby steps of Buck recognizing how deeply he feels for Eddie. Because right here he's thinking that he thought their connection and place in each other's lives was special and unique to every one else they knew but then he hears Eddie talk like that and thinks maybe he was the only one who felt that way. Maybe he's easily replaced in Eddie's life.

----

So Buck goes to talk about his feelings on everything with Maddie. Tbh I wasn't thrilled with how they did the Buck and Maddie scenes in this ep. Though I do think we're going to get more of a heart to heart with the two of them in future eps when Buck officially comes out. I just feel like Buck needed someone to really listen to him and Maddie was a little dismissive both times he talked to her. I also really want someone to try to ask Buck about his feelings for Eddie.

It's kind of crazy to me how no one in the 118 has ever really brought up the fact of how close Buck and Eddie are. Maddie has said the whole "boy crush" thing and that elf mistook them for being married but what I mean is you know the 118 sees how they are. Look at when Eddie was shot. It was assumed automatically that Buck was going to be the one to talk to Chris because they knew how close Buck and Eddie are and how they're essentially raising Chris together. This is how people talk about someone's spouse not just their friend.

Back to the convo with Maddie

Buck is complaining to Maddie about Eddie and Tommy. His feelings in that scene don't come across like he's unaware of some attraction he has to Tommy or like he's trying to hide feelings for him. He comes across as hurt, and frustrated, and confused that this new person has moved in on his place in Eddie and Chris' life.

Again I'm not saying Buck doesn't have an attraction to Tommy but I do think Tommy is a distraction more than anything. I think Buck is focusing on him rather than looking at the entire situation. Instead of asking himself why does it matter if your friend has a new friend? Why does it matter if Eddie spends time with new people? Why does it matter if Eddie shares parts of himself with someone else parts he might not be sharing with you?

----

Then of course there's the gym scene at the firehouse. I've seen people say Buck thought Eddie was on the phone with Tommy. And maybe he did. But you expect me to believe he was upset and jealous over Tommy and because Eddie was getting to talk to him and his way of dealing with that was to try and get Eddie's attention through lifting weights and pointing his dick at him. o_o

Literally sitting up in the middle of lifting weights so he can see if Eddie is looking over at him.

Nothing about this scene is telling the audience that Buck is thinking about Tommy. It's saying he wants Eddie's attention.

This scene is actually very similar to what happened at the hanger

Buck saw Eddie looking incredibly happy and he wasn't the one making him happy. Eddie also wasn't sharing what's been going on in his life with Buck. Buck felt shut out and ignored from the one person who he's been the closet with for years. Even when they've had girlfriends it's clear Buck and Eddie have been close and connected in ways they never were with anyone else. Buck is scared he's losing that.

If the show wanted us to believe that the scene was about Buck and Tommy and Buck's growing attraction to Tommy there are so many different things they could have done to highlight that. Have Tommy ask Eddie about Buck (if that even was who Eddie was talking to) and have Eddie tell Buck he was talking to Tommy maybe direct a question from Tommy to Buck. They also at the least could have said that's who Eddie was talking to and they didn't even do that. They could have had Buck ask Eddie hey is that Tommy? But they didn't because the scene wasn't really about Tommy it's about Buck's feelings for Eddie that he still hasn't fully come to terms with yet.

Buck buys a basketball literally has it sent to the firehouse so Eddie can see him with it and hopefully ask him to go play basketball with him. Because remember he's feeling left out of Eddie's life. It's not like he asked Tommy to play basketball or asks Eddie if he can go with him to the court in hopes of seeing Tommy. No he wants Eddie to invite him. He wants to know Eddie wants him there.

Watch how Buck acts even when he's opening the basketball. He's trying to do it quickly and even while he's doing that he's looking over to Eddie to try and get his attention.

Also someone on twitter pointed out that in season 3 it was shown in Buck's loft that he already had a ball. My head canon is that he still has that ball and the lunatic that he is he just bought a whole new one and had it sent to the firehouse so eddie would see him with it. 🤦‍♀️

---

Next is the infamous basketball court scene where I knew the minute I heard "basketball beard" and playing with the boys and other Top Gun references that canon bi Buck was a go.

Similar to the hanger scene Buck's attention is almost exclusively on Eddie through the whole scene.

Oh I'd also like to point out that both times that Eddie was with Tommy in this ep he was wearing sunglasses particularly when the two of them were side by side. I feel like it's the shows way of saying that Buck is not seeing Eddie right now and he's not connecting with his true feelings for Eddie.

I know Oliver is good at basketball but I couldn't help but laugh when they included that shot of him spinning the ball. Like we're meant to believe Buck doesn't play how did he learn to do that 🤦‍♀️

If the basketball scene had really been about Buck wanting Tommy's attention or being jealous that Eddie was getting Tommy's attention Buck wouldn't have been spending the entire time trying to get Eddie's attention. He also would have been competing with Eddie for Tommy's attention and he wasn't he was trying to get Eddie to notice him because he felt like all Eddie was doing was focusing on Tommy.

You can watch Buck get progressively more upset through the game as he feels like Eddie is competing against him and partnering with someone else when for so long that's been his role on and off the court. It's been Buddie against the world.

Also there's a moment when Buck runs into Tommy but the show never plays it as some kind of moment between the two. I mean they had more of a moment on the boat after the cruise ship when Buck patted Tommy's shoulder. But like according to some this is supposed to be the episode Buck is all into Tommy but that's just not present most of the episode.

Buck immediately knows he's fucked up after Eddie is hurt. I've seen people say why wasn't he running to help him but I've been in a similar situation like that where you're so stunned that you did something to cause someone you cared about to be hurt you can't even move.

Then as soon as Buck wants to try and help Tommy swoops in and says he'll take Eddie to the hospital. Taking care of Eddie has been Buck's job for a long long time. Think about how he saved Eddie during the shooting and took care of him and Chris. Also he took care of them during Eddie's mental health crisis. Buck is feeling like Eddie doesn't need him anymore.

Here's another thing I want to bring up about the basketball scene. Like I keep saying people have said that a lot of Buck's motivations in this ep were about Tommy. I'm sorry but you don't have those kind of strong emotions over someone you just met. Even if his emotions were that he had a crush on Tommy and felt like Eddie was taking all Tommy's time away. If Buck behaved that way from a simple crush on a guy he barely knew I would think he'd lost his mind. No he reacted the way he did because all of these feelings (that he's just now scratching the surface of dealing with) are connected to Eddie someone who means everything to him.

Remember too that Oliver said in his interviews that Buck doesn't even know why he's jealous or who or what it's about. Which is why I think even by the end of the episode when Buck thinks he's figured some things out there's still a lot he's missing.

----

The second Maddie scene

I definitely agree with what others have said that unfortunately Maddie's words here only served to further confuse Buck. What he was feeling was not just being left out and excluded from this friend but mostly jealous over a man he loves being all excited to spend so much time with someone else. Buck was jealous and scared of someone taking his place in Eddie's life and doesn't really know how to process that.

Oh and for people who say he wasn't jealous over Eddie he literally says he was to Maddie.

Buck admits he was trying to get Eddie's attention which like I said in the basketball scene you can see because Eddie is all Buck is focused on.

----------

Then of course we have the end scene with Buck and Tommy.

First we get the opening shot where Buck answers the door. And before he even answers we the audience are made to think it's going to be Eddie and made to think Buck also thinks it's going to be Eddie. Because all of the tension that's been between them in the ep hasn't been resolved and Buck hasn't talked about how he's been feeling to Eddie at all. So we're left waiting for that resolution.

Instead however when Buck opens the door it's Tommy

One thing I didn't mention earlier was that the show has made it a point to have Tommy only call Buck Evan. I've seen a number of theories people have for why this is, personally I think it's a reminder to the audience that Tommy for all his similarities isn't Eddie. Like they give us all these signs that say look Eddie and Tommy are so much the same but everytime you hear Tommy say Evan so casually like that you remember they're different.

Eddie who knows the real Buck only ever calls him that and it's only on the rare serious occasion does he use Buck's real name. Maddie is similar. It's like when Ana called Eddie Edmundo. These people have an idea of who Buck and Eddie are but they they don't know all the little intricate pieces that's something Buck and Eddie only have with one another.

So Buck is smiling and laughing (somewhat out of embarrassment for how he behaved on the basketball court) but watch his body language at even the mention of someone replacing him in Eddie's life:

I find it extremely foreshadowing of what's to come with Buddie that the show chose to have Tommy and Buck spend most of the time before their first kiss even right down to the seconds before it talking about Eddie and even talked about him afterwards. I mean if you didn't want your audience shipping a ship or giving them hope it was going to happen would you do that?

Buck not only talks about Eddie before the kiss he talks about how great he is and brings up memories of their past. Almost like someone talking about an ex they're still in love with. Like you're trying to move on but you can't help what your heart wants.

Like I said above I fully believe that when Tommy said "my attention" he knew that Buck is all about Eddie. Buck's response being "I guess" is even more telling because it shows his confusion. I definitely think that when Buck and Tommy break up (or however far they get in their dating) that we'll get some kind of confirmation that Tommy always knew Buck and Eddie were in love.

I think a lot of the stuff Buck talks about in this scene is him trying in the moment to make sense of the confusing way he's been feeling. I do think he's attracted to and likes Tommy but there is also a whole host of other feelings he has that really were the main motivating factors into why he acted the way he did in this episode.

The last time Buck was with someone and there was an I love you it was with Taylor and it was like Buck just went along in that relationship because he felt like he was supposed to. Buck and Eddie are similar in that way. They have this amazing love and bond with one another but there's a reason besides the fact that they're both guys that they keep avoiding really confronting their feelings. They're scared. They're scared to loose what they have. They're scared to change it. They're scared of fucking it up like they believe they have their past relationships. Scared of so many things. So they just kind of side step it at every turn.

The show mentioning Eddie right before the scene ends is one of the biggest indicators that this is all leading to Buddie.

If the episode was really just a misdirect where Buck was really into Tommy all along they wouldn't have made the last scene so Eddie heavy and especially not the last bit of dialogue about Eddie. The last few lines are what you're leaving the audience with until the next episode and the words they left us with are about Eddie (and Buck) so we're meant to focus on them.

If you read all this thank you ❤️. This post took me forever (which would be why it's getting posted a full week after the ep >_< ) please reblog if you like it. Can't wait for the ep tonight.

#buddie #911 meta #911 7x04 #911!#long post #911 s7 #buddie s7 #b*ck t*mmy for bl

250 notes · View notes

lissa612 · 7 months ago

Text

Can someone point me to where in 9-1-1 canon it is shown that Buck thinks of “Evan” as a separate identity or a version of himself he escaped?

Because we’ve got Buck 1.0 that’s been clearly mentioned in the past as a persona he’s outgrown, but I can’t remember him ever saying anything like “That was Evan…This is Buck.” He started going by Buck because it was convenient. He liked it and perhaps considered it a fresh start along with the career he found to finally be his calling, so he kept the nickname…But even the reasoning there is speculation because I can’t recall him ever saying anything more than “Everyone calls me Buck now. I kinda like it.” But there were still people who would call him Evan. His girlfriend, his sister, his best friend when he wanted to make sure he was hearing him, and his therapist (who honestly should be the most mindful of his comfort with mode of address) just off the top of my head. The only time he seems upset when called Evan was when his parents did it after he apparently asked him to call him Buck…That seems to be more about them ignoring his wishes than any sort of visceral rejection of the name itself.

I keep seeing chatter about how it’s disrespectful of Tommy to be calling him Evan. But I can’t find anything in actual canon to back that up. You can head canon that Tommy ignored Buck when he introduced himself like “I’m Evan Buckley - Call me Buck” but that never happened. You can just as easily head canon that Buck blushed and told Tommy that he likes how he says “Evan” when Tommy catches that everyone else calls him Buck and tries to correct himself. I’d argue that one of those head canons fits better with actual canon, but there are arguments for both…Neither is absolutely wrong.

So you can totally head canon that Tommy is someone who ignored Buck’s wishes to be called Buck. But then you also have to head canon that Buck, despite all the progress he has made through the years, is someone who would actively pursue someone who has shown they ignore his wishes - Something we have seen in canon to be a boundary for him. Which is fine if you want to do that…Head canons allow for all kinds of freedom in interpretation. But it’s not canonical fact.

Buck has historically disassociated with parts of his past self with his software upgrades from Buck 1.0, but when was the last time he did that? Buck 3.0 was back in season 4. He’s grown and changed a lot since then without needing to proclaim himself to be Buck 4.0. But beyond that, he’s never proclaimed there to have been an early beta version of the software called “Evan”. Really the only thing we know was upgraded between Buck 1.0 and Buck 2.0 was how Buck handled sex and relationships. Was “Evan” the base code in Buck 1.0? If so, has the code changed so much to have erased that? (Again, there’s nothing explicit in canon, so we can head canon that all day).

Bobby noted at the end of the season how much growth he has seen in Buck. I don’t think anyone who has watched the show could argue against the truth of that statement.

That is canon.

But you can ponder on it and come up with head canon…Perhaps what we are seeing is a more self-actualized version of Buck who doesn’t need to think of any progress he’s made in terms of upgrades because the therapy has finally made him realize he is all of those versions of himself and they are all him - He is the result of everything he has experienced and everything he has done and every decision he has made, and who he is will keep constantly evolving with every new experience and decision.

Regardless, Evan Buckley is Buck. And he is Mr Buckley. And he’s Firefighter Buckley. And he’s Buckley. And he’s Evan.

Unless he’s told someone to NOT refer to him as one of those names and they do anyway, they aren’t showing any disrespect by referring to him in any of those ways. We have examples in canon of that happening. We also have examples of viewers seemingly deciding it happened without canonical basis.

That’s a head canon. Have fun with it but remember to not force it onto others.

#911 abc #911 show #evan buckley #bucktommy #sort of i guess #wow I rambled a lot #I just really love Buck okay #like from his first douchey moment

67 notes · View notes

bibewilderedandbuck · 7 months ago

Text

So u know how in schitts creek patrick sees david has no plans for his bday and so he asks david to dinner?? And patrick wants it to be a date but then David BRINGS STEVIE. Who then convinces her queer best friend that the guy they thought was straight really wanted to date him??? AND THEN SHE WAS RIGHT

Its just giving bucktommy parallels and i can’t stop thinking about it

So anyway:

post the hurricane, maybe during the harbor tour, Tommy mentions hes turning 40 but he’s got no family left and his crew let him off for the day (which unfortunately means they DON’T have the day off- they have a surprise party planned later but he doesn’t know that yet).

And buck blinks at him like????? You’re spending your FORTIETH BIRTHDAY ALONE????

And Tommy laughs cause it’s not a big deal (even if he secretly wishes it was a big deal).

And buck does Not take no for answer. He WILL be cooking him a cake and a special made dinner “whats your favorite food? Name it? As long as it can bake in a pan and feeds a football team, I can probably put something together. Or i’ll take you out! Yes i’ll take u out, name the place.”

And maybe Buck presents him with a gift that is part of the capsized boat they rescued bobthena from. And its framed and its got a cute note thats like “the day we met and the mouth static that changed all of our lives”

Only TOMMY DOESN’T think it’s a date (yikes) so he invited Lucy (double yikes). And she ends up telling him that actually Buck is a romantic DUNCE and DOES want to date tommy but is bad at realizing how secretly bi he is (even tho she suspected it from the beginning (she did not)).

And the story only really diverges from canon there bc tommy comes to buck’s place to talk about Eddie and the Failed Date(TM). And kisses buck about it and then actually SAYS the word “date” when he asks buck out this time and its great and lovely and maybe the second date sucks

but tommy has that framed piece of metal from an up turned ship and he decides to accept Buck’s coffee date proposal.

And the rest is living in my head rent free :)

#bucktommy #911 abc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #schitt's creek #if ur an old Tommy truther plz ingore that insaid 40 and insert ur prefered age #also their second kits at the store is so sweet too and David asking if he’s a good person #like 10% more cunty Tommy asking buck if hes a nice person #and buck goes your a good person sweetheart #personal #fic ideas #my writing

60 notes · View notes

mazzystar24 · 7 months ago

Text

There is this one storyline somewhere that I think either I watched somewhere, read somewhere, or just dreamt or thought abt but it’s stuck in my head lately and it’s soooo perfect for buddie, that I must share because I can’t write fanfics but I can tell you guys the ideas my silly little brain comes up with:

Three words

Buck car crash

Bonus points if Chris is in the backseat (we are sick and twisted for the fact that ik yall will agree)

Okay but to the actual idea

So Buck’s car crashes but in the end all of them are fine and obviously the jeep has a lot of sentimental value so when he sees the ruins of it it hits him hard and the mechanic or whoever is like cos it’s an old car and had some problems and the damage is so bad it’s better easier and cheaper for you to just get a new one

Now this part is specifically from the storyline with ambiguous origins not just cos of my hatred toward a certain Thomas but in that story the girl’s (?) bf is like a secret subtle asshole in the dismissive way like he kinda just says like oh the crash could’ve been worse, you should be thankful, it’s just a car, you can buy a new one that’s the same make, all that jazz - so imma honestly say that that reaction tracks for tommy ngl

Okay as I’m writing this I’m realising that storyline may 88% be from a dream so maybe we DO know the origins of it (yes I dream in stories sometimes)

Anyways so buck is like it wouldn’t be the same it wouldn’t have this sentimental thing or this idk sharpie writing or this nail polish stain or this blah blah blah

but ultimately he’s like you know what? okay yeah you’re right and says goodbye to the jeep

And the best friend- Eddie- knows or is there for all this and goes behind Buck’s back and buys the damaged car from the place (I’m just a girl 🎀 is it called a junkyard or do they take it to like a mechanic lot or what?) and fixes up the car in secret and keeps as much of the original pieces as possible and keeps the pieces he can’t salvage to turn into some sort of keepsake like idk cutting parts of the metal and turning it into some sort of trinket (realistic car restoration? Not round here partner not round here🤠)

Bonus points for emotional moment when he has to fix the interior of the car and sees the blood remnants from the crash

Skip forward to a big celebration like Christmas or a birthday or something (birthday is my preference for this plot but Christmas does canonically make buddie gayer so 🤷🏽‍♀️) and the actual boyfriend got a good but generic present like idk a nice sweater (idk what you get boyfriends?) and ofc the bestie has the secret restored car

BUT

The bestie SWAPS WITH THE BOYFRIEND

Big sentimental reaction toward having the car back, thanks exchanged, Eddie looking on yada yada

After the party or maybe just a quiet moment at the party Eddie is chilling outside or whatever and then buck approaches and is like *meaningful look* “thank you” and Eddie is like tryna play it off and be like ah yes ik how much you love sweaters *mental facepalm* and then buck is like🤨 unimpressed cut the bullshit face and he’s like no Thank you™️ (in bold and italics and tm to communicate to you guys the tone) and eddie drops the act and is just like “fuck how did you know?” and then buck is like “I’ve never mentioned half those minor details or their sentimental value to him before” and then Eddie once again tries to play it off and be like “well I helped but it was him” and then cue unimpressed cut the bs look no2 and Eddie gives up and is like you’re welcome (do I need to tell you guys why I’m putting this in bold and italics or can you envision the cow eyes that go with this line?)

*soft smiles from both*

Then the scene literally ends with them sat next to eachother on a bench or wherever they are and chatting abt none sense or maybe over the semantics of actually fixing the car while they do the little head leaning on the shoulder thing

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #911 abc #911 fox #911onfox #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #buckley diaz family #buddie fanfic #I feel like I’m baiting you guys with that tag but it’s for the demographic like this isn’t a fic but it’s and idea I’ll never write and #belongs in this tag even if it won’t be written🤩#anti bucktommy #anti tommy kinard #fics I’ll probably never write

65 notes · View notes

atinylittlepain · 2 years ago

Text

A High Price - A Joel Miller Story

Joel Miller x f!reader/f!oc

Joel Miller masterlist

She's been with Joel and Ellie since the beginning. When she finds out Joel's plans for Tommy to go with her and Ellie the rest of the way, she decides it's time to end whatever closeness they had shared. But a change of plans and a brush with death forces both of them to come to terms with just how much they’re willing to pay to hold onto each other.

warnings | 18+ angst, smut, canon-typical violence

a/n | this fic follows the events of episode 6 verrryyy closely, but I fixed it :) but also, it's a doozy folks, you've been warned

The town of Jackson is making her nervous. Mostly because she can see how uneasy Joel has been since they got here, how he wearily eyes the children that seem to be everywhere, his dismay at the sight of Christmas decorations . She can’t help but feel much the same, it’s like they’ve found the one place in the world where time paused before everything went to shit, and after months on the grizzled road, it’s far more than just a shock to the system. Ellie seems equally perturbed, and her hackles have been up from the start.

She softened a bit after a shower and a clean change of clothes, had laughed at the gift Maria had left for Ellie. She had to explain to the girl how the menstrual cup worked, the humor of it quickly rolling over into sorrow when she realized that she herself hadn’t needed to worry about that for twenty years, her body too flooded by a constant stream of cortisol. It made sense really, her body knew there was no use trying to create life when the whole world had rolled over in death. A streak of pain shot through her when she saw that Maria was in fact pregnant, followed quickly by a stark anger that she smothered out before it got the better of her.

Joel had skulked off to try to resole his boots, leaving her and Ellie under Maria’s charge. She had offered them both haircuts at her house and while it was nice, to be taken care of, her heart was stinging with the sight of Sarah’s name on that chalkboard. She didn’t know much, but she knew enough for it to be like a slap to the face when she saw it.

Maria had taken Ellie along to a town movie while she had returned to the house they were staying in to get some sleep, and try to shake off that uneasy feeling that had settled in her spine. She finds Joel’s pack in what she supposes is the master bedroom, slipping into the large bed and waiting for the warmth of his body to tangle with hers. They had picked up some habits along the road, falling into something with each other that she knew would never be called anything other than comfort. It was fine, she figured she’d take him anyway that he’d let her have him.

She must have dozed off, because much later she’s startled awake by the sound of shouting coming from down the hall. It sounds like Joel and Ellie, but she still grabs her gun before creeping down the hall towards where all the noise is coming from, light seeping through the crack of the ajar door. She shoulders up against the doorframe, tucking her gun into the waist of her jeans and listening in to the pair’s argument. Her head spins at the information that Joel has asked Tommy to take Ellie the rest of the way, the harsh words he spits at the young girl. Ellie shouts back at him.

“Well, what about her, Joel? What’s she gonna do?” Ellie says her name like a broken question and Joel huffs.

“I don’t know. She’s better off without me too. Can do whatever the fuck she wants for all I care.” His words take her breath away, and she doesn’t have time to catch herself before Joel is turning heel and storming out of the room with a slam of the door. He runs straight into her in the hall, grabbing her elbows to steady them. She wrenches out of his grip, stumbling back. His face goes slack at her pained expression.

“How much of that did you hear?” She scoffs, muttering “heard enough” before shuffling back down the hall to grab her pack from the bedroom. She’ll find somewhere else to sleep tonight.

Joel is hot on her heels, following her into the bedroom, a hand tugging at his hair in seeming frustration. She wordlessly grabs her pack, shoving her things back into it as he watches her.

“Will you talk to me?” She lets out a bitter laugh at his words, finally turning and looking at him.

“What the fuck, Joel? What the fuck was that? You making decisions for us now, huh? Think you know better than me? Well newsflash, that was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard!” She’s gotten up in his space and shoves hard at his chest, making him stumble back.

“Look, you may be mad right now. But eventually you’ll see that I’m right about this. I-I can’t protect her. Can’t protect you, it’s–” “That’s such bullshit. I don’t need protection, Joel. And maybe you can’t protect her, but we can. Did a damn good job of it these past few months. God, but now you’re gonna be a fucking coward?” She thinks briefly that she sees the glimmer of tears in his eyes, but she’s too mad to care. She shoulders her pack, going to step out of the room, but he blocks her path. He swallows hard under her steely glare.

“I’m sorry, but I–” she shoves at his chest again.

“I don’t want your fucking sorrys! Finish the job, you coward, or get the fuck out of my way.” She finally shoulders past him, and he doesn’t follow her this time. He seems to have made his choice, and she’ll have to live with that.

…

She spends the night, restlessly, on the couch downstairs, waiting for Tommy to come pick up her and Ellie. She’ll go with them to the university, it hadn’t even been a question to her. And after that, well she certainly won’t be coming back here, back to Joel.

She manages to sleep a few hours, woken up by the sound of Tommy coming inside. He waits at the front door while she goes up to get Ellie. She’s surprised when she passes the master bedroom to see the door ajar, Joel and his pack nowhere to be seen. That bastard must have skipped town. Good fucking riddance.

They head out to the stables and she’s once again surprised when they find Joel there, saddling up. He’s changed his tune, and when Ellie says she wants to go with him, already foisting her pack into his arms, he tries to catch her gaze over the top of the girl’s head, but she refuses to look at him. She promised Tess she’d finish this job, and she’s going to, regardless of whom it’s finished with. But whatever closeness she had with Joel has withered in the course of the night. She decides that this will be the last time she works with him.

The trio sets out, Joel and Ellie on one horse and her following close behind on another. A week’s journey, and then she’ll never have to think about Joel Miller again.

Days pass in a frozen blur. It’s not lost on her how their roles have been switched. In the past, it was always her job to keep Ellie’s constant conversation entertained while Joel silently scowled. Now, Joel keeps up the talk, occasionally trying to draw her into the chatter, but she remains steeled against his attempts to get her to thaw, only answering the questions Ellie asks her. She knows it’s dangerous, how much she’s come to care for the girl. It was Joel who had told her as much, that the price for caring about someone was one you just couldn’t afford in this world. She figures it’s too late to pull back from her, having already sacrificed so much to get her across the country, because she knows she’d do a whole lot more for her too.

When they reach the university campus, it’s a relief and a shock. The last time she had been somewhere like this was when everything went to shit. Like every other survivor, she remembers the day all too well. She woke up that morning in her boyfriend’s dorm room, and by the end of the day she was getting hauled to a quarantine zone in the back of a military truck.

She’s quiet as they ride through the campus, but can feel Joel’s eyes on her as he answers Ellie’s endless questions about what college was like. His voice is a bit gruff when he next speaks.

“You should be asking these questions to her, kid. She was actually smart enough to be somewhere like this.” She can’t help how her eyes widen at his words and when she glances at him, she thinks she sees the hint of a smirk there. Ellie immediately shifts her attention to her, asking her all sorts of questions about what she did at a place like this. For once, she’s happy to talk about the past. She feels the anger she’s been keeping bubbling start to roll over, finding ease in rejoining the conversation, but she still keeps her attention on Ellie, only barely glancing Joel’s way.

The campus is desolate and when they find what must have been the science building with a golden firefly emblem on above the entrance, disappointment lays thickly over them when they see it’s been deserted. On the third floor, however, they manage to find a map, with all arrows leading to Salt Lake City. They must have moved shop. Joel looks at her, both their faces set in a stern resolve. This trip is going to be a bit longer than they planned. Just then, they hear voices coming from below. She sidles up to the window and sure enough, a group of raiders are traipsing across the campus. Joel looks at her and she just nods, a silent confirmation that they need to move quickly and quietly.

They get outside, and she tries to clear her mind of the way he keeps a hand on the hilt of her spine as she peers behind the wall. It’s clear, and they scurry over to the horses, trying to hastily saddle up. Ellie freezes where she stands, looking behind them. She whips around and sure enough, two of the men they had seen are rushing at them. She doesn’t even have to think, pulling out her knife and running at them. She handily slits the one man’s throat, but the other grabs her shoulder and lands a punch that sends her jaw singing in pain. She doubles over, trying to shake off the ringing in her ears. Joel’s right behind her and grabs hold of the man, struggling a bit before snapping his neck. The sound makes her stomach churn.

When she finally collects herself and gets a look at Joel, she blanches. He’s been stabbed low in the side, the handle of the weapon protruding still. Joel looks down, seeming to realize at the same time that he’s been hurt. She doesn’t think quick enough to stop him from pulling it out, and when he does blood quickly begins to puddle in his cupped hand. Her mind is going a mile a minute, but Ellie shakes her out of it with a low curse. There are two more men coming towards them. She has to get them out of here and fast.

“Ellie, get on that horse, now!” She grabs Joel by the shoulders, shoving him towards the other horse and helping him up. He lets out a broken shout as he swings his leg over the saddle and it sends a streak of panic down her spine. She hauls herself up behind him, taking the reins and kicking off. Ellie follows alongside them, firing warning bullets at the straggling men.

They manage to lose them, following train tracks out of the town and in the general direction of Salt Lake City. She keeps pinching Joel’s thigh, trying to keep him awake, keep him talking. But he’s fading fast, and she doesn’t know what to do. Suddenly, his head slumps forward and she curses.

“Joel? Hey, Joel, c’mon, stay with us here– shit!” His body goes slack and he slips right off the horse into the drifting snow. She immediately dismounts, Ellie following suit, and kneels down beside him. His eyes are flickering, rolling back up to the sky. She presses the heel of her hand down into his wound, trying to stop the bleeding that has persisted since they fled. He whimpers under the contact and it makes something in her shatter. Ellie is calling his name, lightly patting his face. But it’s not enough, and he slips unconscious, his face ashen in the gray winter light.

“Fuck!” For a moment, she just panics. No clue what to do. Her hands are shaking as she quickly shucks off her coat, Ellie watching her like she’s crazy. She takes off the flannel she had been wearing and rips it up into strips, tying them together and then wrapping the makeshift tourniquet around Joel’s wound. She doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but right now, it’s the only thing she can think to do. She takes a deep breath, a wisp of a plan slowly coming into mind.

“Alright, Ellie, we gotta get him back on one of the horses. We gotta find shelter.” Ellie looks bewildered by her command.

“He’s not gonna make it if we–”

“Don’t, kid. It’s the only shot we have. Help me move him.” It’s a struggle, getting his slack body back up onto the saddle, but they manage and she slips up behind him again. She wraps her legs around his to keep him in place. The only comfort as they ride is the short puffs of breath she feels him letting out into her collar where his head has slumped down. As long as he’s breathing, I can be ok.

She was never religious, not before, and certainly not now. But, as they continue riding, she starts to pray to someone, anyone. She knows that Joel would’ve told her to leave him. Would’ve wanted her to leave him. But now, it’s become quite clear to her that leaving him is something she’s incapable of doing.

His breathing is getting slower, even more shallow. She counts the space between each exhale and feels panic rising as that space gets longer and longer. They need a fucking miracle.

They get a fucking miracle.

A farmhouse appears in the distance, in a thicket of frozen trees. She can see smoke coming from the chimney. She’s too panicked to make any real plan, telling Ellie to hold back while she rides up. She doesn’t care if the people are hostile, she’ll kill them with her bare hands if it means Joel will have a shot at surviving.

She stops right in front of the house, and it’s a rather awkward maneuver to slide Joel off the saddle and lay him out in the snow while she sidles up to the front door. She cocks her gun and shoulders through the door, and finds herself both relieved and embarrassed when all she meets is a rather shocked looking older woman standing by a wood-burning stove.

A fucking miracle indeed.

…

The woman’s name is Maggie. She tells her to bring Ellie and Joel in. They lay him out on the musty couch in front of the stove and Maggie immediately takes to treating his wound. She moves with an unexpected precision, getting Joel out of his jacket and layers, cleaning the gash with rags that they boiled on the stove and then taking to the wound with bandages she pulled out of a rusted first aid box. Joel remains unconscious, but color starts to come back into his face as he lays in the warmth of the stove. Maggie offers soup to her and Ellie, but her stomach is still rolling as she watches Joel’s unconscious form so she gives her bowl to the girl as well.

She sits on the arm of the couch, keeping a hand around Joel’s ankle as Maggie talks to them. She tells them that her husband’s name is Rod, that he’s out hunting and he’ll be home soon, but that she’ll deal with him. She can’t help but think that they’re much like that couple they had met only a week or so earlier, another pair that lived quietly enough for the end of the world not to notice them. The older woman seems to sense the tension in the air, seeing both her and Ellie still anxiously watching Joel. She asks Ellie if she’d like to help her dress a few rabbits out back and the girl’s eyes dart between the older woman and her. She offers her a small smile and a nod to go ahead, that it’s ok, and Maggie leads her out to show her how it's done.

As the door shuts behind them, she lets out a long sigh, sinking down onto the floor and resting her head back against the couch. She shuts her eyes, a wave of exhaustion finally washing over her now that the adrenaline has worn off. Her brain kicks up a chant of he’s ok, he’ll live that lulls her into a sleepy daze, only being startled out of it when she feels him start to stir behind her. She whips around, kneeling in front of the couch, her fingers itching to reach for him, but instead just watching as he slowly comes to. He looks shocked to still be alive, eyes darting around the room before landing on her. He goes to sit up but immediately winces in pain and she presses her palm into his chest to keep him laying down.

“Joel, just stay down. You’re ok. I’ll get you some water.” She grabs her own water bottle that Maggie had filled for her and brings it to his lips, coaxing a few sips out of him. He’s looking at her like she’s grown a second head, entirely perplexed. His voice is hoarse when he finally speaks.

“You should’ve left me.” She scoffs, shaking her head and forcing him to take another swig to shut him up.

“A thank you would be nice.” He only gives her a steely scowl at her words that she just rolls her eyes at.

“Joel, can you try to not be an asshole after we just saved your life?” She gets up to get him a bowl of soup but can still hear his grumbling words.

“Surprised you’d want to save my life. Thought you’d washed your hands of me.” She sighs, choosing not to respond to his murmurs as she kneels back down beside the couch with soup and a spoon. He raises an eyebrow at her. She gives him an unamused look, holding a spoonful of soup out to him that he begrudgingly takes. Surprisingly, he lets her feed him more of the soup, not moving his utterly confused gaze from her face. She thinks to herself that he must still be pretty out of it to be letting her do this.

He finally bats her hands away with a grumble, once again trying to sit up. Though he successfully gets upright, swinging his legs down so his feet are planted on the floor, it’s not without groans of pain with each movement, his bare chest heaving once he finally sits back. She instinctively goes to smooth her hand over the gauze they laid over his wound and he shivers under her touch, her eyes immediately darting up to his.

“Does that hurt?” He huffs, grabbing her hand in his own and giving it a squeeze before resting their entwined fingers on his thigh.

“Sure don’t feel good. Where’s Ellie?” Just then, the back door swings open, Ellie walking in ahead of Maggie, brandishing two dressed rabbit carcasses in her hands. When she sees Joel upright and lucid, first relief washes over her face, and then a very smug grin. She holds up the rabbits like shining trophies.

“Welcome back, old man. Told ya I could do it.”

…

Rod comes home soon afterwards, and while it’s tense at first, it’s clear quickly that he answers to Maggie, and what she says goes. They sit in the main room of the cabin, the three of them pressed together on the couch while the couple sit in two thread-bare armchairs, asking them all kinds of questions. Rod keeps looking between her and Joel and then glancing at Ellie, seeming to try to figure something out. He finally clears his throat.

“You don’t often see families out on the road, where are y’all heading?” Her and Joel practically trip over each other to correct him, speaking on top of each other.

“We’re not–”

“That’s not what this is–”

Ellie just laughs, telling the old man that they’re not her parents, just two people getting paid to transport her to her real family. She’ll have to thank the kid later for the smooth save. The couple seem to accept her explanation, but Rod continues to look between her and Joel over the top of Ellie’s head. It’s only just starting to make her uneasy when Maggie invites her and Ellie to help get dinner going. They leave Joel and Rod lowly murmuring about directions to Salt Lake City.

As she chops potatoes, listening to Maggie explain to Ellie how to carve up the rabbits, she gets that same sickening feeling she got in Jackson. For a moment, there’s a sliver of normalcy that makes her shudder. They roast the vegetables and meat over a fire that Maggie sets on a small stovetop. She leans back against the doorframe, watching the older woman show Ellie how to cook the food. Her ears prick into the conversation in the other room, Rod saying something in a rather severe tone.

“Son, you do realize that young woman saved your life, right?” There’s a long hiccup of silence before Joel speaks.

“It wouldn’t be the first time. Believe me, I know. Saved me in more ways than one.” She’s not given too much time to ponder his words before Maggie and Ellie are whipping by with a huge skillet of food. They all eat in the living room, serving themselves straight out of the pan. She’s surprised by how hungry she is, though she figures it’s been nearly a whole day since she last ate.

Finished with dinner, she asks Maggie for the first aid kit, taking Joel out to catch the last light of day in order to redress his wound. The old couple had offered to teach Ellie how to play gin while she takes care of him. He sits down on the bench out on the porch, already moving much better with some more food in his system.

Relief floods through her when she removes the gauze and sees that the gash is already starting to clot, hardly any more blood coming through and the angry redness calming under the salve Maggie had rubbed in. She kneels down in between his thighs, trying to as gently as possible clean the wound as he stifles whimpers under her touch. She lays another square of gauze over the wound, letting her palm wander up his side before squeezing his shoulder and sitting back on her haunches. He clears his throat before speaking.

“Thank you, alright? Thank you.” She just nods, but Joel isn’t done talking.

“I figure we sleep here tonight. Rod showed me how to keep following those tracks to get to Salt Lake, we’re looking at three, maybe four days of travel.” Her head is spinning, not really believing his words.

“Are you serious right now? Joel, I don’t know if you noticed, but you almost fucking died. You’re not gonna be ready to travel tomorrow, and hell, probably not the next day either. Maggie told me they’d let us stay on a bit longer, if Ellie and I help her out with stuff around here. But you’re not fucking traveling anytime soon, not on my watch.” His fists are clenched in his lap as he listens to her speak, finally shaking his head in frustration.

“Look, I just need some sleep. I’ll be good to travel in the morning, you don’t know–” She’s on him in a flash, standing up to tower over him, right in his face.

“Don’t you dare tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m sick of you trying to call all the shots, Joel. This time? You’re gonna listen to me.” He tilts his chin up at her defiantly.

“And why should I?” She practically seethes with anger.

“Because I saved your life, that’s why. Don’t make me fucking regret it.” She whisks away from him, storming back inside and slamming the door behind her. She finds Ellie and the couple playing cards and mutters at the girl to go help Joel inside. She’s done playing nurse for the night.

Unfortunately, Maggie and Rod had different plans. When it came time to turn in, they offered the couch to Ellie, while giving her and Joel the loft upstairs. The loft with only one bed. She did her best not to balk at it, not wanting to seem ungrateful to the couple as they closed their own bedroom door after saying good night.

She mutely helped Joel up the stairs, guiding him to sit down on the edge of the bed while she got to work unrolling her sleeping bag onto the floor. She heard him scoff behind her as he watched her movements.

“What the hell are you doing?” She glances at him over her shoulder.

“I’ll take the floor and you’ll take the bed. You need it more than I do.” He lets out a breathy laugh at that.

“Oh, come on. It’s not like we haven’t slept together before.” She finally turns to fix him with an icy stare. He just crosses his arms over his chest.

“Joel, don’t. I can’t argue with you anymore.” She sighs, fully sitting down on the ground, staring at her hands in her lap. She’s got no fight left.

“I don’t want to argue, but I don’t want you sleeping on the floor. Please.” Her head whips up at that, a word that doesn’t usually come out of Joel’s mouth. There’s something in his eyes that she can’t quite place. Something that makes her give in to him. She stands with another sigh, starting to toe off her boots.

“Alright, fine. We’ll both sleep in the bed.” She’d like to smack the smug look that slides across his face, but it’s quickly replaced by winces of pain as he moves to take off his shoes and pants. She helps him shuck off his jeans all the way, ignoring his grumbles that he can do it himself, and helps him under the covers. She quickly peels off her own jeans before getting into bed, hugging the edge of the mattress and turning her back to him. He huffs behind her.

“Not how we normally sleep, is it?” She scoffs at his words.

“You’re injured. And I’m still pissed at you.”

“Look, I-I’m sorry.” “What for?”

“Jesus christ, can’t you take a damn apology?” She chooses not to respond to that and Joel sighs.

“I’m sorry for what I did in Jackson. For not talking to you. Trying to cut ties. I just, I really thought it’d be better for everyone.” She swallows thickly.

“Well, I don’t get that. I thought we had a good thing going, thought we were a team.”

“We did have a good thing. It’s why I was trying to set you two loose from me. I’m getting older, weaker. A-and the price was getting too high.” She finally turns over, looking at him with her brow furrowed. He glances at her before letting out another sigh.

“I care about you, more than I should. I care about the kid too, but you– if I ever failed you? Out there? That’d be the end for me. I know I couldn’t go on then. So I figured it’d be better to let you go, without me, no chance of letting you down then.” They fall into a heavy silence as she studies his profile. Those were not words she was expecting to hear out of him.

“Joel, I– the price is high for me too. Think I realized it when you collapsed off that fucking horse. But sometimes I feel like you don’t take me seriously, and it drives me insane. I may be younger than you, but I’ve been out here just as long as you.” He draws one of his hands down to tangle with hers.

“I know you have, darlin. And I’m sorry. I’m an ass, but I’ll listen to you, I’ll really try.” She squeezes his hand.

“We’re a fucking team, Joel. I need you on my side.” His eyes soften in the dimming light.

“Fuck, need you too.” For now, it’s enough for them both. They manage to sleep that night, neither one letting go of the other’s hand.

…

They’ve spent three nights at the farmhouse, and Joel continues to heal. Ellie and Maggie are sitting on the porch, playing gin. Ellie has gotten wickedly good at the game, even giving Rod a run for his money. She’s out front, helping the old man and Joel chop firewood. She’s just glad that Joel feels well enough to be swinging an ax, but would be hard pressed to admit that her gaze lingers on the sliver of skin above his waistband that slips into sight each time he throws his arms back in a swing.

It’s been decided that they’ll leave tomorrow and start the journey towards Salt Lake City and whatever it may entail. As such, Maggie had declared that they’d need to have a proper meal tonight, like she hadn’t been feeding them like kings all week. Rod had brought a deer back from his hunting yesterday, and Ellie had, very proudly, helped him dress the carcass. They’d certainly eat well tonight.

She and Joel had settled into a sort of closeness again, something more tentative, something heavier with meaning. They hadn’t really discussed what had been said that first night any further, but each night since they’d fallen asleep pressed close to one another. She had however noticed the way his breath would hitch as she checked his bandages, and had maybe started to trail her fingers a bit aimlessly just to see how worked up she could get him before cruelly stepping away. He was due for some payback anyways.

Dinner, as expected, is rich and near coma-inducing, and Ellie promptly flops onto the couch face first. She and Joel help the old couple clean up before saying their goodnights. Joel no longer needs help up the stairs when they head up for bed, he hasn’t for two days now.

They dress down in silence before slipping under the covers, settling into the middle of the bed. She rests a leg over his hip, turning into his chest as he wraps her into his non-injured side. He looks down at her.

“You ready to head out tomorrow?” She snorts, burrowing her cheek closer into his chest.

“Pretty sure I should be asking you that.” His arm draws her in a little tighter.

“I am. Almost back to a hundred percent, thanks to you.” They settle into a simple silence. She breaks it with a hoarse whisper.

“Joel? You gotta know how glad I am that you’re not dead.” He just hums at that, but she tilts her head to rest her chin on his sternum, looking up at him.

“I mean it. Christ– when you were splayed out in the snow– I panicked– didn’t know what to do– just knew that you couldn’t die or I’d lose whatever is left of my mind.” He brings his fingertips to skate across the arc of her cheek, carding his fingers through her hair before pressing his thumb under the hilt of her jaw to draw her face up to his. It’s a shivering little thing of a kiss, their lips just ghosting together before breaking away. It’s a low thrumming whisper that breezes across her lips when he speaks.

“You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere, darlin, not without you.” She presses forward this time into an entirely different kind of kiss. It’s a kiss that takes and demands that something be given. He brings both his broad palms to cup her face and she huffs as she tries to press closer to him without hurting him. He seems to notice her frustration, pressing her to lay down as he shifts to lean on his good side and dip back into a kiss. She pulls away with a sigh.

“Don’t wanna hurt you, not when you’re healing so well.” He huffs, tracing her lips with his thumb.

“You’re not gonna hurt me. Just let me have you.” She can’t even protest, not when he’s already licking into her mouth and fumbling with the buttons of the flannel she still has on. She swats his hand away to get the shirt off herself and he moves his now idle hand down to her hip, giving the plush swell harsh squeezes and drawing her closer to him. Her shirt draws open and he nudges away the fabric with his nose, lips smearing across her chest and laving over her peaked nipples in a way that makes her keen up into his touch. She runs her hands easily through the buttons of his own shirt, laying open-mouthed kisses in the middle of his chest. They’re a mess of mouths and hands and sighing breaths, finding whatever bare skin they can to mark as their own. She lets out a whine that he quickly shushes as he bites harshly at the soft skin at the juncture of her jaw.

“Joel, please, I want you now.” They press their foreheads together for a moment, swallowing each other’s ragged breaths before Joel nods. He shifts until he’s hovering over her, kneeling between her spread legs and caging her in between his arms.

She presses the sleeves of his open shirt down his arms and he breaks away just enough to shrug it off entirely. She takes him in, fingers grazing down his chest and skating over the bandage across his side before he grabs her wrist, bringing her hand to his lips and laying a kiss in the middle of her palm. He brings his own palm down between her breasts, rough fingers splayed out below her sternum before dragging his hand down her torso in a way that makes her shudder. His fingers deftly slip under the band of her underwear and he doesn’t even have to ask her to lift her hips for him to slide them down her legs, tossing them off to the side before dipping back down to meet in another kiss.

Still in his boxers, he presses his hips forward into hers and they both groan at the contact as his hardness ruts against her center. She tugs at the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Don’t fucking tease me right now, Joel. Need you.” He shushes her with a smacking kiss.

“I know what you need, I’ve got you. I’m yours, I’m all yours.” She draws her hands down to the waist of his boxers, shrugging them down his thighs just enough for his cock to come free and rest against her hip, smearing pre-cum across her skin. They move fluidly. She draws her knee up to his waist, opening herself up for him as he fists himself and draws the head of his cock through her folds before pressing into her. They both let out broken sighs when his hips press against hers. The roll of his hips is slow but harsh as he finds a pace in his thrusts. He dips his head into her collarbone, muffling his groans into her damp skin as she rakes her nails down his back. She’s entirely wrapped up in him, whispering little gasps of his name each time he presses impossibly deeper into her. Suddenly, he takes in a sharp inhale that sounds less like pleasure and more like pain, she draws his face out of her neck and can see the wince in his eyes. Panic seeps into her spine.

“Hey, hey. Is it hurting?” He sighs, trying to ignore her searching gaze but she presses a palm into his chest to stop him.

“Baby. Lay back, ok? Wanna make it feel good for you.” He sighs, but does what she says, untangling from her and laying down. She carefully straddles him, the wet heat of her cunt dripping over the throbbing underside of his cock. She leans in to press a sweet kiss to his lips.

“S’ok, Joel. I’m gonna make you feel good.” He brings his hands to the swell of her hips, fingers flexing into her dimpled skin as she lines his cock up with her entrance, stifling a moan as she takes him all to the hilt. Joel’s eyes are darting everywhere as she sets a gentle rhythm, the crease of pleasure between her brows, the golden dampness in the hollow of her collarbone, the obscene bounce of her breasts with each swivel of her hips. All he can do is sigh.

“You’re perfect, darlin. So perfect for me. You’re mine, right? Fuck– tell me you’re mine.” He presses his palm between her shoulder blades to press her forward and she hovers over him, brushing her lips over his in something far too messy to be called a kiss.

“I’m yours, Joel. All yours.” He bends his knees and plants his feet into the mattress, starting to meet her weakening thrusts with his own. She can feel herself at the edge of pleasure, ready to tip over into oblivion. She buries her face into his neck as he fucks up into her, letting out broken whimpers with each thrust.

“Need you to come for me, darlin. Know you can do it. Let go for me.” His words send her hurtling right over the edge, pulsing around his cock as she comes with a silent cry. He fucks her through it, his thrusts starting to falter as he feels his release creeping up on him. She reluctantly pulls off of him, nuzzling into his side and bringing her hand to wrap around his throbbing length. She brings her lips to his ear.

“Come for me, Joel. Show me you’re mine.” With one more pass of her fist he’s painting his stomach with his spend, letting out ragged whispers of her name as he comes. They lay entangled for a moment, but she’s quick to check his bandage.

“Was that too much? Are you ok?” He lets out a whisper of a laugh, brushing her hair out of her face and looking at her in a way she hasn’t seen before. His voice is hoarse when he finally speaks.

“I’m fucking perfect, darlin.” It makes her laugh, and she dips her head to press a kiss into his collarbone before getting up to find something to clean them up with.

They settle back into bed after getting cleaned up. He falls asleep before her, with her temple pressed right over his heart. She knows that it’s all hers, and that she’s all his, no matter the price.

#joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #the last of us #tlou #tlou fanfiction

604 notes · View notes

matan4il · 10 months ago

Text

911 ep 705 first watch reactions

Of course 911 would "punish" the "You are the boss of you!" guy with an alien hand that attacks him, and does what it wants. Pooor Buck and Eddie paying the price for that...

Okay, love the storyline with Hen and Karen possibly eventually adopting an older girl. Too many shows just find easy, unrealistic ways to give their same sex couples kids, and I am really glad that 911 shows the reality of it, and that it is a more complex struggle for many, that it's an act of continuously choosing to be parents. That's actually an amazing, difficult thing, and it should be faithfully depicted and respected, for all of its heartache, and the little moments of triumph.

Buck and Tommy on a date, and Eddie comes along with Marisol? Love how Buck's bisexual awakening and coming out continues to involve Eddie so much. Tell me they're end game, even if they're not gonna get together right now, without telling me they're...

I did not need to learn Marisol is moving in with Eddie like this, with any build up, or even any sort of insight into the relationship, and nope, that does not bode well for them. IDK how 911 managed to do it, but they have somehow managed to give Eddie a love interest the show is even less invested in than Ana.

And the funniest bit, is that Marisol and Eddie's big development is only there to further Buck's journey anyway.

"You can never have too much closet space" LMAO the way 911 both made me laugh, and feel sorry for poor, baby bi Buck. XD

Hmmm. Were parts of this scene cut out? We don't get to see Eddie on his own date with Marisol, but constantly looking over at Tommy and Buck? Boo. I'm glad we at least got the BTS photos, then. But seriously, why!? That was gonna be so delicious.

Oh, Tommy's breaking up with Buck. I mean, good for him, and he ain't wrong after Buck's "after this, we're gonna go out looking for chicks" reaction, but man do I feel sorry for Buck. Him and Tommy might not be my end game (Buddie forever will be), but I do think this relationship could be good for our baby bi. Tommy being in the same profession, knowing what it's like to have this gap between who you are and the image of guys in your line of work, plus he's got more experience than Buck, is sure of himself, can help our boy figure himself out, and also Buck obviously does like his vibe. He deserves to be with someone he actually likes, not just the first woman willing to be with him that the plot pushed in his way.

Oh, baby Buck. :( You didn't even tell Maddie about Tommy. You really aren't ready it. But also (and as a Buddie shipper, more importantly), Tommy broke things off with Buck, but what is eating him up, is that he lied to Eddie. XD Yeah, this gonna end with wedding bells, sooner or later. On screen, off screen after the show ends with canon Buddie, or only in my head if 911 never dares make Buddie canon, I don't care. That kind of emotional devotion is not something that my hopelessly romantic heart can ignore.

OMG, this is how Buck comes out to Maddie? XD Via random pronoun mention, and as a by product of trying to figure out how to tell Eddie the truth? This is hilarious. lol It really makes it clear that, after all, the issue for Buck really isn't people knowing he is also dating guys (or checking their asses), even when it's the other closest person in the world for him, it's Eddie. Specifically. Buck's ready, even if he doesn't have the exact clear words yet, he's just not ready to tell Eddie. Can't imagine why. XDDD

What was that awkward post-sex scene with Eddie and Marisol? And the issues with her moving in are popping up a second after she has. But yeah, we have no idea who this woman is as a person, she's been a cardboard cut out so far, and then one of the first things we do learn about her, is that she would call her stuff better than Eddie's? Once again, this is not the stuff great romance is made of. Or... even just the stuff any kind of romance is made of.

Wait, Marisol was a nun, and Eddie didn't even know!? This whole ep is telegraphing in the news of how weird and awkward and underdeveloped this r/s is, not just for us as viewers who know nothing about Marisol, but apparently for Eddie as well.

And of course his Catholic guilt is gonna kick in now. I'd care, except 911 has given me absolutely no reason to. Seriously, I care more about Buck and Tommy after just 2 eps, than Eddie and Marisol, even though this is technically her 2nd season on the show.

Of course Buck went to find Eddie, and spotted him at the gym. Forever 201 vibes, with Eddie being the focus of Buck's attention. ^u^

I couldn't care less about Eddie's Catholic guilt crisis, and how it's actually a projection of what his real issues are with Marisol, but it's nice to see that as always, Buck's the one who can tell when something's off, and offer Eddie exactly what he needs (even when that's to talk to someone else, but Buck figures out immediately who the right person to address is), and then they just very naturally switch, because Eddie can also tell when something's off with Buck, and he wants to tell him something. Soulmates. THAT is the stuff that great romance IS made of.

:/ The imagery of Catholic nuns has not been around for over 2,000 years, please stop being ignorant about your own religion, and the very different way it looked in its early days.

Bobby is forgiven, he does give good advice, and his "her ex, the Lord" bit, which prompted that reaction from Eddie, is hilarious. XD

So... when Eddie is having issues with Marisol, he already knows he has to figure out how he feels about her, but instead of doing so, he goes to his safe place... Buck's loft.

Man, Eddie being into Tommy's choice of avoidning relationships with women, and hanging out with boys, after in the past, Eddie had dealt with his Shannon issues by running away from her, and re-enlisting in the army, where he gets to hang out with boys, when we all (Buck included) know why Tommy's "hanging out with boys"... I do like that if they want to (and hopefully they do), this further lays the groundwork for Eddie's own queer realization.

Buck and Eddie helping each other with their respective romantic problems, without realizing they are each other's respective romantic solution is gonna make me chew on my own fists. Again. But I'm not even a little bit surprised that Eddie was totally fine and accepting of Buck being bi, or that the first thing he thought of is how this reflects on them. Because their friendship IS way deeper and closer than normal for platonic friends, and Eddie's little reassurance is also an admission of that.

Man, for a second I was worried they also cut out Eddie in the loft, once more putting his thumb on Buck's pulse point possessively, in a perfect parallel to 303. I would have sued for emotional damages. But yeah, it says so much that the peak of emotional meaningfulness for Buck when coming out is in relation to Eddie, and that the scene itself peaks with Eddie, instead of finishing rushing out to take care of his own romantic business, hurries back to Buck first, to hug him, place his hand on Buck and give him orders. "Sure, you're gonna be dating this guy, but I'm still your real husband."

Well, at least Eddie amitted to himself and Marisol that he doesn't actually know her. But... I have never seen two people being both being so happy about not moving in together, and I'm supposed to think this r/s has a chance? Okay. Suuuure.

The scene with Buck going to Tommy to set things straight ready for something was lovely, it was nice seeing him excited, and get to choose, and hear he's wanted. But since the note Tommy and Buck's storyline in this ep should have ended on, is Buck showing Tommy he's ready enough to let others know he's dating a guy by inviting Tommy to come with Buck to Madney's wedding, then why is the very next scene playing the romantic switch again, making us think Buck's car just arrived at the wedding with him and Tommy, only for Buck and Eddie to walk in together? I see what you did there, 911.

Thank you for reading! If you're looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

84 notes · View notes

arabella-s-arts · 3 months ago

Text

Okay, since I haven't really shared my thoughts on Buddie here yet. I thought I would share them, not for any particular reason, mostly just so I can get them out of my head. I will also briefly talk about my queer Eddie headcanons.

Okay, let's start with Eddie. Look, I would say that that man is gay, but the way he reacted when he first met Ana was not very homosexual of him. So based on how he acts in canon, I either think he's aromantic bisexual, or homoromantic bisexual (which is rare, but does happen). Personally I'm leaning more toward homoromantic (maybe that's just because I ship him with the hot priest), but I keep aromantic around for funsies.

Anyway, now I'm going to talk about Buddie. I don't ship it. I don't hate the ship, I totally get why people want them together, but I went into the show knowing about Buddie and expecting I would also ship it just for me to not. I tried to ship it, but I never really got into it. When Eddie was first introduced it felt like it could go the romantic way, but then their relationship settled into friendship, and that's all their relationship felt like to me, friendship. I mean, I would joke that they should just kiss already, but not because I actively wanted them together, but because I like drama. I know there are things that aren't typically seen as a friends thing, but a romantic partner thing, that they do. But I kind of loved that Buck and Eddie were doing all these non-traditional things together because they were friends, and that's just how their relationship is. Anyway, I was trying to be in support of Buddie maybe eventually going canon for a while, because I know how much it would mean to other people. But once we were reintroduced to Tommy, all that went flying out the window. Because Buck and Tommy's relationship were giving all the things I felt like I supposed to be feeling about Buddie. I know polyamory is a thing, I think it's great that people ship Buddietommy, but I don't personally have a lot of polyamorous ships, just because I always end up shipping one couple in the trio more than the others, and that doesn't seem fair to the third person. Anyway, I think Buddie got permanently ruined for me after Bucktommy, and especially after how a lot of Buddie fans treated Lou and that relationship. And I know that's not all Buddie fans, I am not judging a whole based on a fraction. I still think Buddie is a good and valid ship, it just isn't for me.

22 notes · View notes

zer0brainc3lls · 6 months ago

Text

i bet on losing dogs pt2

masterlist

story summary: what if in the death cure (movie canon) newtmas was canon with a slight plot change added to the mix?

TW LIST: typical dystopian movie stuff (guns, killing etc), s3lf mutilation (tearing at open wounds), description of said wounds in detail, very slight mention of past su1cide attempt (its literally one sentence), cursing (if thats even a tw), thoughts of dying, (if i missed any let me know!!)

word count: 9697

authors note at the end!!!

Soon after Brenda found Newt and Thomas in the empty storage room, a plan was decided. Thomas was going to be used as bait to get teresa away from public view so they could kidnap her and take her to an abandoned church not to far from Lawrence and his army, newt wasn't technically necessary for the plan to work but thomas literally refused to cooperate until gally agreed he could come. After.. The map room incident Gally recognised Thomas had the flare and informed Brenda and Frypan pretty much immediately after Newt ran after Thomas, well that's what Brenda told him anyway. While said plan was being worked out Newt tried to ignore the way the others, mainly Gally, looked at Thomas. Whenever Thomas made even a slightly sudden movement eyes would widen slightly, or brows would furrow into tight lines. The sight made newts insides bubble in quiet yet hot rage, they trusted him not even 2 hours before and now they practically jump whenever he moves. Well except for Brenda, which Newt is grateful for. When gally said they should all get to bed Newt quickly asked Brenda if there was anything he could do to slow down the flare, since she has spent way longer in the scorch than he has.

“Well look, his symptoms based on what you have told me have progressed.. Rapidly. Very rapidly. That's probably because of y’know.. Wicked and all that so just try to keep him calm.” Brenda's sympathetic words ringing in his head as he sat up against a concrete wall of a room full of crates with god knows what where gally had stuffed them saying “all the sleeping quarters are overcrowded as is so you're just going to have to make due.” to be fair, newt can't complain. This is the nicest place he has slept in months compared to in trucks and tents, at least they had a door and a roof.

Thomas, Brenda and frypan had all fallen asleep quickly after they arrived. Frypan leaning against one of the many wooden crates with his arms crossed and his legs sprawled out, Brenda laid on her back with her hands under her head and legs crossed, and Thomas sat to Newts left with their hands intertwined as his head rests against the concrete wall with his mouth hanging open slightly as he sleeps. Newt can't allow his muscles to relax into sleep, all he can think about is the days ahead. Is Teresa going to cooperate? If she doesn't, what will they do? And even if she does will they be caught? Kidnapped? Tortured? Sucked dry of whatever wicked wants from them? Thomas killed due to his infection? Even if they find Minho without being caught, will Thomas turn anyway before they get the cure? Will Newt have to watch as Thomas' soft yet determined eyes he loves so dearly turn hollow and somehow full of bloodlust?

“You trying to cut my blood supply off or what?” Newt hears Thomas murmur playfully as to not wake the others, it's only when he speaks Newt realizes how hard he was gripping onto Thomas’s hand as his thoughts spiraled. Newt loosened his grip before murmuring back “sorry tommy, go back to sleep” he says trying to mask the clear exhaustion in his voice, thomas snorts like an idiot before saying “haha very funny, whats up?” Newt cocks his head slowly towards Thomas with his brows raised before facing away from him again, the humor from Thomas’s reaction slowly trickling out of Newt. Newt feels familiar hands slither around his waist, pulling him close. Thomas doesn’t push any harder and simply just holds him, patiently waiting for a reply. Newt doesn't know how exactly to word his thoughts properly, when he himself cant pinpoint why he feels so anxious. There's always been a risk of Thomas and everyone else in the group getting hurt so why is it bugging him now?? “What if something happens to you?” Newt says, avoiding Thomas' eyes. Newt can almost hear the wheels turn in Thomas's brain as he clenches his jaw in thought. “That's always been a possibility, you of all people know that-” “i know! I know.” Newt lowers his voice so as to not wake the others, he turns to face Thomas's large but at the moment sympathetic eyes. Before newt even registers what he's about to say he bursts out,

“What if I freeze up again?!” he whisper shouts. “You won't.'' Thomas replies sternly, his brows furrowing as if that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. “No i'm being serious-” thomas grabs both sides of newts face firmly cutting him off. “You. won't. I'm absolutely positive, if you can't trust your own judgment then trust mine.” Thomas lightly shakes his face to emphasize his point, his brows softening and all sternness pours out of him as he softly smiles. “Good that?”

“Good that.” The words practically spilling from Newt's tongue, Thomas had a strange way of captivating the blonde into believing things, jumping into plans, and overall just following him and trusting him blindly. And at the end of the day, Newt truly does trust Thomas. Thomas’s Judgment got them out of the maze, away from Janson, through the scorch, back to wicked to save minho. Newt sometimes wonders if he has the same effect on Thomas, he's pretty positive he does. It's funny, they’re both so stubborn and refuse to back down and fight others' opinions but when it's each other they’re so easily convinced. They work so well together as if they are intertwined by invisible string, even in fights the work so flawlessly together as if they share a brain. Thomas is Newt's other half, his symbol of hope, a prayer for a better tomorrow.

Suddenly Newt found himself being held by familiar strong arms, his back pressed against Thomas’s chest with one of Newt's legs draped over his legs. Despite Newt being taller he found himself under Thomas, his fingers tracing along Thomas's knuckles. He listened to how Thomas's breathing slowly steaded into a repetitive rhythm and felt his muscles relax against Newt's back, until he too felt sleep calling to him.

—

The next day Newt mostly spent his time making sure Thomas was calm, cool and collected to see the person they were about to.. retrieve. When Newt wasn't watching Thomas like a hawk he was mostly with Gally and the others going over the plan, what to do if B happens instead of A, where to lure Teresa, how to keep her in one spot and successfully transport her to the church without causing a ruckus.

Gally informed them that the whole city was under curfew and there should be almost no one about, so getting her from point A to point B shouldn't be too much of a problem. As long as everything goes according to plan they should have no issues until they get to the church, that's where the real problem lies.. Newt is pretty confident in Gally's interrogation skills and it has nothing to do with Teresa because he's also pretty confident it shouldn't be super hard to make her cooperate. The real problem lies with Thomas, and his new.. Temper. Since the tunnel he's only really had two episodes of the flare really getting to him, first when he punched gally and second in the map room. Newt is almost positive the interrogation is going to at the very least be quite eventful, and at its worst Teresa ends up shot, which isn't exactly ideal. Despite his own personal feelings towards her which aren't exactly positive he's going to try and make sure thomas doesn't end up killing her or seriously injuring her, for the sake of everyone besides teresa.

The next thing Newt knows he's standing next to gally crouched behind a wall watching as Thomas distracts Teresa while also waiting for the signal. The mere sight of them speaking his skin crawl with repulsion and anger, it's all part of the plan, slim yourself. Newt thinks silently to himself, while still clenching his jaw. He keeps his eyes locked on thomas patiently waiting for signal, after a moment or two thomas nods him and gally over.

—

Once gally had her tied up, Newt walked slowly behind Teresa, he firmly gripped the black bag that was tied over her head and yanked it off. He made his way back to his original seating spot where he watched gally tie her up not even a moment ago, Newt couldn't ignore the fact that Teresa was staring at Thomas, as if he's going to help her. “I'm going to start off simple, where's minho.” gally begins, he lifts a chair in his arm as he walks over to Teresa “you guys don't seriously think-” the bang of Gally’s chair hitting the ground interrupts her. “Don't look at him. Why are you looking at him? Look at me. He's not going to help you.” Teresa's eyes flick towards Thomas expectedly, almost pleading with him. The look on her face makes Newt feel positivity sick to his core. Newt looks to Thomas and sees him cross armed looking back at her, his face is stone cold and his eyes are hollow.

“We know you have minho in the building, where.” Gallys voice is laced with authority that sounds practiced, like a record player on repeat. “He's with the others in holding.. sublevel3” she replies reluctantly, her gaze on the floor. “How many others?” Newt asks cooly, he glares at Teresa and all he can think about is that night with the right arm. The screams and cries while bombs rained down, gun powder, flesh, blood. So much blood. How can Teresa think what she is doing is right?? All this suffering and torture for a cure that probably doesnt even exist?? The present world is beyond saving, why wouldn't she want to start anew? It was right there, they were all so close.

“You can't get in without a thumb print id-'' Teresa's voice stops the swirling in Newt's mind. “That's why you're going to come with us!” Gally says condescendingly. “Do we need her though?” Thomas announces, after a moment of silence he stands up and pulls out his knife from the inside of his jacket. “Not all of her!” he gestures to Teresa with the knife in his hand almost manically. His voice sounds almost humorous? In Between the cracks Newt can tell, Thomas is slipping again. “Thomas.” Newt warns. “No seriously! Do we need her? Hmm?” Thomas questioned out loud, he walks over to her almost mockingly and crouches down in front of her “oh yeah that's right! We have these trackers, property of WICKED and all! So turns out you are needed. So either you cooperate.. Or i just cut your fucking hand off!” his voice drips with insanity, Newt doesn't have to look at him to know his eyes are large black pools with hunger for blood. Newt's eyes lock with Brenda's, her face screaming in desperation to him DO SOMETHING!! Brenda's right, Newt does need to intervene. Despite that seeing Teresa's hand being cut off would be an amazing sight, the flare feeds on blood and adrenaline and that's the exact opposite of what Thomas needs right now.

“Greenie i SWEAR-” Newt is already walking over to Thomas as he spits out “slim it gally.” not even bothering to look in gally direction he wraps his fingers thomas’s left wrist which is strained tightly around his knife, his eyes flicking in and out of sainty. Newt runs his hand through Thomas's hair completely ignoring the pure terror in Teresa's eyes, Thomas's body relaxes slightly before he quickly stands up and storms back to where he was sitting before, he sits down and twirls the knife in his hand. Newt sits back down not listening to Gallys yells as he berates Teresa further, instead he listens to Thomas's heavy breathing and watches as his head twitches occasionally trying to fight the flare.

“Keep him calm”

Newt pries the knife out of Thomas’s hand with his left hand and holds Thomas's now empty hand in his right, Thomas grasps onto Newt's hand, almost crushing it. Their fingers interlocked so tightly Newt can almost feel Thomas's bones, he squeezes back but not as hard and rubs the back of Thomas's thumb with his own. Thomas’s iron grip slowly becomes almost doughy, his head no longer twitching every few seconds. Newt notes how Gally has seemed to stop yelling and stomping around like a mad man so Newt assumes the interrogation is over, Gally lets Teresa out of her restraints so she can get everyone's tags out.

“Thanks” he hears Thomas murmur, his eyes full of care and thankfulness, back to normal. “What would bloody do without me?” he murmurs back teasingly, Thomas rolls his eyes playfully, a warm smile still remains.

Gally gets his tag out first, then frypan, Thomas and now Newt sits in the chair. Teresa was pretty quiet while removing the others tags, she attempted to make small talk with Thomas but Newt practically drilled a hole between her eyes when she did so she promptly shut up.

“This is going to sting-” “yeah i figured.” “so try to relax.” he awaits for the scrape but after a second or two nothing happens. “go on then?” “When's the last time Brenda was treated?” “oh y’know just before you called wicked.” he snaps, venom practically running down his chin. “Wait what? She should've turnt by now-” “just do the fucking thing” his voice raising, hes already been around her long enough then needed let alone speaking. Without warning Teresa cuts into Newt's neck, pain simmers into his nape as if boiling water was poured into his veins. “She got her treatment from you, correct?” Teresa asks almost hesitantly. “yes.” Newt replies bluntly. Teresa once again without warning cuts into his nape, slightly deeper this time before pulling out his tag. She uses a clean cloth to wipe up the blood, she presses hard as she does this. Once she's finished Newt quickly stands before walking off to check out the wicked suits.

Once dinner rolled around it was actually quite peaceful, Gally had brought some rations that compared to newts usual palate may as well be a 5 star meal. Conversation flowed and even Gally seemed to be in a good mood! This was one of the most peaceful moments they've all had in awhile, no talk of wicked, no fear, just a bunch of teens laughing and talking. After they get minho maybe it will be like this every night, hearing everyone laugh especially Thomas fills Newt up with pure hope. After tomorrow they could really be free. Actually free.

Rations are slowly eaten, conversation turns to yawns and heavy eyelids and almost everyone except Newt, Thomas and Gally remain. “Hey I’m gonna go to bed, you coming?” Thomas asks Newt as he stands up to go find a relatively comfortable corner. “Yeah I’m done too-“ “Newt can you stay for a minute? I need to talk you.” Gally interrupts, his face not of anger and authority but.. is that pity? “Uh sure.. Tommy you go I’ll be there in abit'' Thomas shrugs and walks off into the darkness of the church, once he’s no longer visible newt turns back around expectantly with a brow raised, “not here.” Gally insists before rising to his feet, Newt curiously follows him to the back of the church away from the others secluded fully by darkness. Newt can barely see Gally avoiding his gaze in what Newt can barely make out as guilt? “So what’s up?” Newt asks, getting straight to the point.

“You know Thomas can’t come right?” Gally stated, looking towards Newt. Anger bubbles in his stomach once he says this. “What?! Why??” Newt perfectly knows why, Gally thinks he’ll compromise the mission, go full crank. “We both know he’s a liability, he’s a danger not just for Minho but for you to.” “What are you on about??” Newt spits back violently, not caring if he wakes the others. “I know I haven’t seen you in.. however long but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out you care about the greenie. And if it were to come down to you or him you would pick him, you don’t exactly have a fucking track record of putting yourself above others. The mission can’t afford that, Minho can’t afford that.”

Newt goes to say something back but his throat doesn't let him, because the thing is. Gally’s right. If it came down to Newt or Thomas he’d pick Thomas in a heartbeat, but Newt had made a promise to him. you're not leaving my side. Got it? The words ring in Newt's ears, he can't leave Thomas now. He's at his most vulnerable state. He needs him more than anything, he can't go back on his word. Especially not now. He can't ask Thomas not to save Minho when he's the reason they are even able to do this, he can't leave him. “I can't leave him gally, i made him a promise.” gally’s face tightens in frustration, annoyance more than anything. “You can't ask that of me.” Newt adds on firmly. Gally of all people knows that arguing with Newt is a losing battle, despite that he still searches every inch of his face for even a slight chink in his armor. Newt doesn't back down, he keeps his face stone cold. “You can't ask him to do that.” his voice lowering slightly, his brows furrow. “What if he cranks out newt?! What then?!” he begins to shout but lowers his voice, his face scrunched tightly. “He won't. I’m going to get him that bloody serum even if it fucking kills me.” before Gally even has a moment to register Newt's words he's already turned on his heels storming off in rage.

Newt manages to find Thomas in a dark corner, the only thing illuminating him is the candles lit inside the church and even then he can barely make out that Thomas's hand is up his shirt scratching rapidly. “Don't scratch love you'll only make it worse” his head flicks up rapidly, his eyes wide full of terror for a second. He stares at Newt quizzically, his brows furrowed as if Newt’s a puzzle before his eyes light up and soften in recognition. The sight before him makes Newt's heart pang with guilt, he slowly walks over to Thomas and sits beside him. He extends his arms and Thomas accepts and allows Newt to wrap his arms around him as he always does, Newt leans across Thomas and grabs Thomas’s bag which was next to him before placing it at his side so he can rummage around for a cloth. He finds the cloth he used the night before. Guess it’ll have to do. He thought as he bit his tongue, Newt gestured the cloth to Thomas. “Are you bleeding?” He mumbles as if he can't see the fact that Thomas's hands are covered in blood. Thomas nods, almost ashamed. “C'mon I'll patch you up, you need new bandages anyway.” “Are you sure? It's super gross- “ “yes i'm sure. Slim it and turn around.'' Newt cuts him off quickly, Thomas turns to face him and lifts his shirt and discards it on top of his jacket that's beside him. Newt rummages around in Thomas's bag for the last of his bandages and rubbing alcohol, he turns to face him and the sight horrifies him. The once 3 almost straight lines are almost torn apart and scratched up, dried and fresh blood drips down his chest, black and green oily puss along side it. The once thin and small black veins are twice their size and triple the length, the darkness fully visible and they pulse like worms beneath his skin. Newt knows that flare victims tend to unwillingly hurt themselves, ripping out their own eyes, biting off fingers and such. But seeing Thomas do that breaks his heart into pieces. How could it progress so fast?? Usually it takes weeks, sometimes a month to even get to this stage and it's been days.

Stress. Of course. No amount of love and softenness and deter that, their amount to go march into wicked for fuck sake, of course its progressing rapidly what else could Newt expect?? That Thomas is somehow super human and that the flare would progress slowly?? How stupid. How fucking stupid of him to hope. Of course this would happen! Why wouldnt it? Thomas is already showing late signs of the flare, self mutilation, aggressive speech and that look in his eyes moments before, is his memory already deteriorating? How long until he forgets the mission at hand? Until he forgets minho? brenda? Frypan? Jorge? Gally? Him??

“So doc how's it looking?” Thomas says sarcastically in an attempt to cheer him up. Newt rolls his eyes before swallowing the lump in his throat, he drenches the cloth in rubbing alcohol, he quickly wipes down Thomas’s hands because there’s no way all that gore and pus could be comfortable, counts down from three and presses the cloth to Thomas's chest. Thomas groans in pain but doesn't flinch or move away from him, his eyes sewn shut and lips pressed together tightly. Any humor left in him seeping from his wounds, Newt can feel Thomas's rapid heartbeat as he cleans out the smaller cuts and scrapes. The smell nauseates Newt, once he finishes he pauses for a moment giving Thomas a minute to breath. “I'm up to the hard part now, i'll make it quick I promise” Thomas grips onto Newt's shoulder, takes in a large gulp of air before nodding quickly.

Newt drenches the cloth again and counts down quickly, Thomas's grip tightens slightly as he does. He quickly places the cloth on his chest, his fingers moving as fast as they can to get the pus out. As seconds pass Thomas's grip only tightens painfully and he starts mumbling incoherently to himself almost angrily, as if he's arguing with his brain to stay put. “Can you go any slower??” Thomas grumbles angrily, Newt ignores him knowing it's not Thomas speaking to him. After a few more seconds Newt removes his hand “There. All done.” he says urgently, Thomas’s eyes flick open. He looks at his chest, then Newt, his chest, then finally he locks his gaze onto Newt. His eyes were full of curiosity. Before Newt can even ask what's wrong Thomas brings his hand up to Newt's head, his fingers softly run through his hair all the way to the back of his head and eventually down his neck. Fire trails whenever his hand moves. His hand finds its way to Newt's jaw, Thomas cups it with his hand and turns Newt's head as if he's looking at an ancient sculpture. “are you ok??” Newt says slowly, crimson spreads across his face.

“You're so.. Familiar.”

Whatever is left of Newt's heart sinks all the way down to his feet, Thomas, the only who has seen him at his worst, Thomas the boy he would sneak around with, Thomas with his chapped lips and eyes that seek him out in a crowd, thomas who held him in cold nights in the scorch doesn't know who he is. His whole body feels heavy, his eyes fill with tears that he tries to hold back. “What do you remember?” he manages to choke out. “I care about you, I know that much. And I trust you.” better than nothing. Thomas’s eyes search his face, no freckle, acne scar, or facial feature left unturned. Newt locks his eyes onto Thomas’s staring into his soul, trying to see exactly what he's thinking. “You.. keep a knife in your waistband?” Newt nods at the fact, he doesn't know how to help him remember. He takes Thomas's hand that isn't on his face and intertwines it with his, Thomas reciprocates without hesitation. “I have known you ever since I can remember and I can't remember your name!” he announces harishily. “It's ok take your time” Thomas leans in closer, fully examining Newt's face again. His eyes desperate and angry with himself, he squints as if he’ll find something that will jog his memory. He's impossibly close, his nose almost brushing with Newts. his heart leaps out of his chest at the closeness, his eyes flick to thomas’s lips and back up to his eyes.

Newt leans in a little before pausing, Thomas doesn't back away. Newt closes the distance between them and kisses Thomas impossibly soft, as if he would shatter into pieces if he's not careful. Thomas holds onto Newt's jaw like a lifeline, like it's the only thing keeping him from slipping away. Newt pulls away barely, Thomas's lips and eyes glistening in the candlelight that illuminates the church. his lips brush against Thomas's as he mumbles, “does that jog your memory?” Thomas's face sparks in recognition before mumbling back “hmm maybe another would do the trick.” Newt hums back before kissing him again, a little harder this time. Thomas pulls Newt in by the waist, Newt basically ends up in his lap. The kiss is impossibly slow and tender and he's loving every second of it, time stops and for a few minutes it's just them, No Wicked, no Janson, no fear for the next day. It's just teeth against teeth, smiles against smiles, shushing each other and holding back laughter. Warmth courses through Newt's entire body, this is the best he's felt in forever. His heart stitching itself back together, it feels like they have all the time in the world.

Eventually lips part, limbs untangle and bandages are done and it's just them holding hands in that small dark corner of the church. Thomas’s head leans on Newt's shoulder, his breathing soft and steady as he peacefully sleeps. Newt refuses to worry about the next day, or anything for that matter. This is the one night he's just going to sleep with nothing on his mind, and that's exactly what he does.

The next day is spent planning, double checking plans, trying on wicked suits, triple checking maps, they run it again and again for any possible flaws. The plan is simple: get in, get minho, get the serum, shoot it straight into Thomas right then and there, get out. If everything is where it needs to be it should work flawlessly, they’ll be back in the safe haven happy as ever. Newt repeats the promise he made to himself in his head: I won't let Thomas die, I won't let Thomas die, I won't let Thomas die. Like a prayer over and over, a solemn oath that can't be broken. As if this action alone will keep death's icy cold hands from Thomas’s radiating warmth. The next thing newt knows they are marching through the sensors at wicked front doors.

Newt keeps his head up and locked refusing to look anywhere but forward, he doesn't dare to breathe as they pass through the sensors. The sensor flashes green and he holds back the urge to sigh from the relief that floods through him, they walk through wicked headquarters, Newt leading forwards with Teresa in the middle and Thomas up the back keeping her up to speed. Soon gally slides into their group almost effortlessly, Newt forgets Gallys a soldier. He's trained for this, the past six months of his life have led up to this very day. Gally marches in front of Newt, leading them to a stairwell. Gally grabs Teresa by the sleeve and harshly pulls her to the keypad next to the door, she reluctantly places her thumb against it and the door opens with a hiss almost immediately.

Newt storms in, gun up looking around frantically. Newt, Thomas and Teresa start to make their way down the stairs before Gally announces “wait wait i can get in here!” he lifts his mask before thomas replies with “throw me the walkie” gally chucks the walkie to thomas, thomas catches it and goes down the stairs. Newt hears him coughing as he goes, Newt looks at Teresa who's already looking at him. “Newt i think-” “slim it teresa” he retorted quickly. Newt watches as gally drills into the console on the wall, sparks fly as the metal wails at being torn apart.

Thomas comes back up the stairs, one hand clutching onto the railing and the other radio in hand. “Frypan-” he hacks again before continuing “we’re in how you doing?” “yeah yeah i'm getting there, tell minho hi for me!” gally flings the console open and messes with the wires and whatnot while thomas speaks to brenda on the radio checking in on her as well, newt stands between them gun in hand incase they get caught. “All right, let go!” gally shouts as he stuck something to override wicked systems into the console before slamming it shut.

Gally leads the way, the twist and turn through corridors and doors. The maps previously studied being brought to life, Newt's heart races as they journey towards the immunes. What state will Minho be in? Skinny and frail? Beat up and bruised?? Absolutely insane from torture?? All the possibilities make his skin crawl. Eventually they make it to the door, Thomas takes the lead gun up waiting for someone to step through. Soon enough someone does and pure chaos breaks out.

Thomas shoots the guy and they storm in guns ablaze, shooting all wicked employees in the room. Bodies drop and convulse on the floor and Newt goes to a cell and opens it, as he does he takes his mask off. When he does the kids in the room physically relax at the realization he's not a wicked guard, the sight is truly sad. What have they done to these kids for them to react like that? He quickly scans the room for Minho, to find nothing. Newt is already walking to the other side of the room when Thomas calls out “Newt go check the other side”, his voice firm and authoritarian. When on missions Newt and Thomas sync as one, doing things before the other asks, covering for each other and sensing when the other is in danger. They work together as a flawless unit. On the rare occasion they do anything alone they barely need to speak to each other, one look, one movement and they know what to do, this is extremely convenient for them and irritating for everyone else.

Newt goes over to the next cell expecting Minho to be there, pumped up and ready to go. Dread fills him when he sees he isn’t there, he storms over to Teresa and grabs her wrist hard “where’s Minho.” He grumbles, his voice lowering dangerously. “I don’t know-“ his grip tightens and her eyes twitch as she fights to yelp in pain. “If you let go I can fucking check.” Newt clenches his jaw before shoving her away, she glares at him threateningly. Newt raises his brow and she turns around to check where he went.

“Is that bloody vault open??” He almost shouts in impatience, Newt is usually a very patient person but every second that passes the flare eats away Thomas's brain and that fact makes Newt tip dangerously close to the end of his patience. “It's gonna take awhile, don’t rush me!” Gally barks back as he works on the vault. “He’s in the medical wing..” Teresa says breathlessly, this isn’t something she anticipated. “Alright then, let’s get a move on” Newt says as he moves to the exit, “that’s on the other side of the building-“ she begins, “does it look like I fucking care?? Let’s. Move.” He restrains himself from shouting at her, she moves towards Newt, Thomas following close behind- Thomas is following her??

“Tommy, where the hell are you going??” He raises a brow, his tone shifting from anger to confusion. “With you??” He answers equally as confused. “You need to stay here and wait for the serum-“ he begins patiently before Gally announces “it’s fine I’ve got it!! Get Minho and meet us around back!!” Newt looks between the vault and Thomas a few times, he won’t lie Thomas would be a massive help but what if they don’t make it back in time?? What if something happens- “Newt cmon let go” Thomas says, snapping him out of his thoughts, Thomas smiles at him for a moment and Newt breaks. “.. fine.” He announced before he, Thomas and Teresa leave the room.

They walk through wicked corridors once more, going up stairs and through doors til they reach an elevator. Newt clicks it impatiently, cursing under his breath when it doesn’t immediately open. When it opens, Newt and Thomas immediately walk in, Teresa following suit. The elevator doors slowly start to close-

A hand reaches between the doors.

The doors slowly crawl back open to reveal a sight that makes Newt's stomach drop. Janson in all of his rat faced glory. The putrid man steps inside and for a moment newt thinks he is going to pull out his revolver and shoot him and Thomas dead, his hands tighten around his gun as Janson steps next to Teresa. Oh yeah we have masks on newt dumbly realized, newt mostly blocks him out and focuses on Thomas. Watching him from the corner of his eye, waiting for a twitch or tic in case all hell breaks loose.

“Thomas is here.” The ratman announces.

Well fuck.

Teresa turns to face Janson and somehow Newt's grip on his gun gets impossibly tighter as his heart pumps in his ears.

“The surveillance picked him up outside the walls, Ava didn’t want you to know but if he does try to contact you.. well I’d like to think I would be your first call.” Newt focuses purely on Teresa, for any sign or signal she could possibly be giving Janson to tell him yeah about that he’s actually right behind you!! But instead she mumbles “are you going to kill him..?” The care in her tone makes Newt feel sick with anger, she didn’t care when she called wicked and he could’ve died but suddenly she cares now?-

“Would that be a problem?”

Newt now has decided that the moment he gets the chance he’s going to murder Janson.

The elevator beeps and Teresa gives a comment newt doesn’t care to hear, she walks out quickly and newt follows close behind purposely bumping into Janson on the way out, a little harder then intended but aw well he doesn’t care. By the sounds of it Thomas did the same, he grins to himself for a moment before continuing on.

—

“Newt you need to listen to me, that serum won’t save Thomas! It might buy him some time but-“ “shut it Teresa.” Thomas spits, pushing her along. “Newt, listen!! You want to save Thomas don’t you??” Newt nearly shoots her right then and there but instead he forces himself to choke out “just open the bloody door” “there’s something about your blood!” She opens the door as she says this and Newt silently walks in, Thomas following suit, he uses all his will power to ignore her and not shoot her brains out. “I promise I can protect you-“

Newt snaps

“Oh yeah?!?! Like you protected Minho?! If didn’t need to rescue FUCKING him THOMAS WOULDNT HAVE THE BLOODY FLARE-“ Thomas promptly takes the lead by gently but quickly pulling him back, Newt lets him because if he kept shouting at her every wicked guard within the area would’ve heard him. That's when he begins scolding her as well but in a more quiet fashion… unlike newt.

“How many more people is it going to take?! How many more people are they going to have to round up, Torture, And kill?!” He refrains from screaming, scolding her through gritted teeth, mask off fully open to anyone who rounds a corner. Newt goes to tell him to put his mask back on before Teresa spits back “it stops when we find a cure-!” Thomas pulls his pistol out of his holster and under Teresa's chin. “THERE IS NO GODDAMN CURE.” So much for being quiet. He's screaming at her now, the black veins that now have knitted themselves around his neck pulse angrily, hungry for blood.

“Don't waste your breath Teresa!” Janson calls out, newt steps back out next to Thomas who has now pointed his gun at Teresa’s temple. “Tell him to back off!! TELL HIM TO BACK OFF!!” He screams in her ear, he's got her in a head lock as he pushes the gun harder against her head. “Hey Thomas cmon.. it’s me. I’ve known you longer than you can remember, you're not gonna shoot her. Flare or not.”

Jansons gun is pointed directly towards Thomas as he slowly steps closer, Newt aims his gun towards jansons head, his eyes fully locked on his fingers that rest around the trigger. The safety is clicked off as far as Newt can tell so he’s waiting, watching for any tick, twitch or slight movement in his fingers because if he tries anything, Janson is going to need a headstone.

“You don’t think so?!” Thomas barks out at Janson almost manically, as if it’s the funniest thing someone has ever said to him. “Ok.. go on then.” Janson lowers the gun by his side and Newt’s heartbeat steadily decreases significantly. “Shoot. Her. Prove me wrong!” He calls back coolly, confident in the fact Thomas won’t shoot, and for once Newt agrees with him. Thomas wouldn't shoot someone like this, Teresa or not. It's not in his moral code. So what the hell are they going to do-

Teresa pushes both Thomas and Newt through the entrance behind them and pulls some sort of red alarm that causes thick heavy glass to come from the top of the doorway and clicks with the floor, a siren sounds, blasting through the entire building. Newt just stares at Teresa, why would she do that? Why would she possibly-

Those doors aren’t opening back up.

Newt pulls off his mask since clearly the plan has gone to complete and utter shit just so Janson can see his face as he walks after Thomas.

Newt and Thomas run through the medical wing, dipping into corners, shooting wicked guards and such. At one point they come to a fork in the labyrinth, Thomas sees Ava holding his gun up prepared to shoot, Newt turns towards a different hallway and sees Janson, gun in hand, about to shoot. “THOMAS NO” he screeches, grabbing onto Thomas’s shirt and pulling him into a hallway to avoid the cross fire of bullets that spray through the hallway.

They continue on like this for a while, Thomas slowly but surely is deteriorating. Not but much, but every so often he misses a shot or almost trips over his own two feet. Luckily for Thomas, Newt is on a mission. He simultaneously covers for himself and Thomas at the same time when needed, when Thomas’s reactions delay Newt has already shot the soldier and a few more. I won’t let Thomas die, the sentence rings through his head and courses through his whole being, he breathes and exhales this promise. Anytime they run out of ammo, Newt has already bagged new guns from once convulsing bodies on the ground and shoves a gun into Thomas’s hands before his own. How his leg hasn’t given out? Newt truly doesn’t know, his leg screams and cries out at every step but it’s as if the pain is just another sensation, another thing. He runs, punches, kicks through sheer will power and determination alone. All the fighting blurs to him, he flies into autopilot. Grenade, bodies. guns, bodies. punches, bodies.

Newt and Thomas are out of ammo and newt just pulled a stunt with a grenade, they turn to run down a hallway until a wicked soldier screams at them to get on the ground. Pure fear lines the blood that travels across Newts muscles and bone, his eyes frantically flick around for something anything-

Minho rams into the guard screaming his head off, grabs the soldier and shoves him into a window causing glass to shatter all across the floor. Once he does he just screeches a low guttural sound of pure pain, grief and anger. It takes him a moment before he even register Newt and Thomas are even there, he stands there eyes wide in shock and disbelief. As if he’s finally lost his marbles and he’s dreaming.

It takes Newt and Thomas a second too, Newt feels like he just came out of a fever dream of screams of the injured and safeguarding Thomas with his life he truly forgot how to feel. For the first time since they entered the medical wing, Newt feels something real, relief. His leg threatens to give out right then and there as Thomas and Newt both run over to him and pull him so tight into a hug newt wonders if his lungs will ever fill with air again, but he doesn’t care. He would struggle to breath all his life if it meant keeping Thomas and Minho safe.

“Is this real?” Minho asks, genuinely asks. His face shines with happiness and relief that his longing has finally come to an end, before Thomas and Newt can even nod back they hear wicked soldiers storm into the hallway guns ablaze. no time for catching up over tea, they are in a war zone.

Newt adds to his oath. I won’t let Thomas and Minho die. Minho’s stride is nothing like it used to be in the glade, he doesn’t radiate confidence or steadiness in his feet. No no. His feet and muscles are unsure or where to take him, like getting on a bike for the first time in years. Despite that he is still fast and strong as he runs despite the clear malnutrition and torture his body has been through, no where near the level he was at before but his body miraculously carry’s him, or at least is attempting to, like a runner.

They all push on, Thomas despite the flare, Newt despite his limp, and Minho despite his treatment they push harder than they ever have, for freedom. For the future. For a promise of a safe tomorrow. They sprint down a hallway until they get cornered by a handful of wicked guards, “IN HERE” Thomas yells as he pushes open a door before locking it behind him, Newt and Minho push a shelf in front of it the moment Thomas backs away. They all connect in sync. Newt and Minho back away from the door, standing next to Thomas who looks just as confused and petrified as him.

“Well shit.” Thomas mumbled just before the sound of a drill cutting into metal assaults newts ears, sparks fly from top to bottom on the opening of the door. “Any ideas?!” Minho shouts as they all back away even further, Thomas looks out the window and back towards Newt and Minho “maybe.”

The next thing Newt knows Minho and Thomas are chucking some metal tube out of the window, the glass shatters loudly as the metal cylinder falls. Newt runs next to Thomas and Minho and watches as it splashes into the dark pool below.

“Ok.. it’s doable. Just need uh- a running start.” Thomas mutters clearly unsure with himself, he backs up from the window as he says this. Newt gives Minho a is he fucking nuts look and Minho reciprocates with the exact same facial expression.

Well at least everyone is on the same page!

“you sure about this??” Minho asks as they all prepare to dive out of the window. “Not really!” Thomas replies just as unsure as before. “Nice pep talk.” “Yeah.. we’re all bloody inspired.” That’s when the sound of a bang and a door being kicked open rings through the room, without hesitation they all sprint towards the window and fall down all 20ish stories. Newt feels the wind in his hair and his stomach falling as he drops, he’s felt this feeling before. His screams of terror are luckily met with Thomas and Minhos screams also, the feeling of the water crashing against his body comes faster and harder than expected.

Newt hasn’t felt being underwater since in the glade, he remembers the early days when he, Minho, Alby and all the original gladers would swim through the small lake they had. And even then he could see the bottom of the lake, even in the deepest part the sandy ground was only inches beneath him. This water does not glisten a bright blue in the sunlight and bring laughter, no. The water is dark and impossibly deep, it makes sense that even wicked pools harbor dark secrets.

Newt pulls himself out of the water with only a slight struggle, Minho does the same. Newt has to grab Thomas and lift him up and help him get to his feet, it’s getting worse. He swallows the lump in his throat along with his worry before he hears heavy footsteps and guns cocking.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding.” Thomas mumbles as they all turn around, they see 4 wicked guards barking orders at them, Newt desperately looks around for any route of escape. Maybe we can jump in the water and book it? No we would get shot, can I shoot them before they shoot Thomas or Minho? No, it's 4 guys. Even if I do manage to shoot one of them first at least one of us will get shot-

BANG BANG BANG

one of the wicked guards shoots the other three, thank you, gally!!

Gally removes his mask, looks at the broken window above and back towards Newt and the others soaking wet clothes before saying “you guys are nuts. Cmon!”

They all break out into a sprint, after a minute or two of running they find cover. Newt slides down quickly next to Gally before asking “Gally how far are the tunnels??” “Maybe twelve blocks from here-“ he begins to reply before he’s interrupted by the sound of Thomas hacking and coughing violently. Newt's gut falls all the way down to his toes and worry fogs his judgment. “We can make it” Gally says, trying to ease Newt's nerves to no avail.

Newt sits there staring at Thomas as he talks to Minho, he can’t help but think about Thomas turning before they make it back to the tunnels. No. No way. Newt will drag Thomas’s limp body through the city before that happens, they’ll make it. They have to.

Newt didn’t even notice Minho sliding next to him as he says “hey, when did he-?” Minho chokes on his words, unable to vocalize Thomas’s condition. His brows furrowed with worry as he looked between Newt and Thomas, “he’ll be fine, just gotta get to Brenda.” Newt manages to reply with, Newt quickly goes over to Thomas and says gently “cmon Tommy we gotta go” he grabs Thomas’s hand with one hand and uses his other hand to grab the fabric of his wicked suit to pull him up, Thomas struggles to gets to his feet and groans as he attempts too, his throat clearly filled with a sickening substance. Newt ignores the sound and gets Thomas to his feet.

When Thomas manages to face Newt his eyes are mostly hollow but he’s still there, Newt looks into his eyes and can tell Thomas is looking back. Newt places a hand on Thomas’s shoulder in case he loses his footing and softly cups his face with the other before mumbling “you’ll be fine, alright?” Thomas barely manages to nod as Newt wraps Thomas’s arm around his shoulder before turning his attention back to Minho and Gally.

Minho rushes over to wrap Thomas’s other arm around his shoulder, he takes a significant amount of Thomas’s weight off of Newt's shoulders. Gally leads the way as they run through the city, if Minho wasn’t carrying Thomas Newt doesn’t know if he could’ve. His leg whines at him to collapse, to give out, to give up. Newt refuses to collapse even though his body begs him to and ignores the searing pain that shoots up his body every time he steps.

At one point bombs start raining down, Gally makes some sort of comment newt doesn’t listen to, as all he can hear is Thomas’s shaky liquid filled breathing and the coughing and hacking that becomes more frequent with every minute that passes. Another dreadful reminder of Thomas’s infection as if the literal weight on his shoulders isn’t enough.

“The tunnels are right up ahead-” Gally begins to announce as the sounds of more bombs raining down onto the city interrupts him violently, Newt and Minho lower Thomas as they all take cover. The smell of gunpowder and fire burn the insides of newts noise, a full battle between wicked and the right arm taking place not even 50 meters away makes the ground vibrate and shake aggressively, urging them to move on. “LETS GO LETS GO” Gally commands, Newt and Minho grab Thomas’s arms once more and half help, half carry him through the streets that rage with violence and vengeance.

They barely make it even a few blocks before they are forced to take cover once more, the realization dawns on all of them. They aren’t going to make it. Newt reaches for his radio to tell Brenda to leave since Thomas is clearly too weak to do so before as if this action alone summoned her Newt hears her chime in on the radio. “How you guys holding up?” She asks concerned, Newt can almost see her brows furrowing, “bloody awful, you guys need to leave without us we aren’t gonna make-“ “no. No absolutely not, I’m not leaving you guys alright?!” She interrupts him harshly, she sounds almost offended that Newt would even suggest that. Newt is stunned and doesn’t know how to reply to her, that’s when he hears the faint sound of a berg roaring through his radio. “Don’t worry newt!! We're coming to you, our rides here!!” Before Newt can even ask what she’s talking about the radio clicks, signifying she’s gone.

—

“We’re almost there!!” Gally shouts encouragingly, even Newt's good leg isn’t in the best state, Newt doesn’t even want to think about his bad leg as he desperately tries to ignore the unforgiving pain that shrieks at him to collapse to the ground. “You need to- you need to leave me” Thomas struggles to say with his clogged throat, his hacks up sticky black liquid mid sentence. His voice emits full defeat, begging for death. Newt, Minho and Gally don’t even humor his cries as they push through the city.

Explosions ignite ahead, Newt can barely hear Gallys orders as they take cover from the explosive balls of death that rain all around them. Thomas’s head slowly moves around, taking in the whole scene with his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, truly perplexed at the sight before him. His eyes go from souless to full of life in an instance begging to be left behind, insisting they need to run, to leave. Black oil-like substance drips from his mouth and onto his uniform, black veins pulse violently all across his face now, his body limp. His muscles refusing to cooperate with him, eventually he doesn’t even hold his head up anymore as he leans his head back against the concrete behind him closing his eyes, mumbling incoherent pleas to be left to die.

“Minho, you need to go ahead, get the serum and come back. Gally can cover you.” Newt says, not asks. His voice dead as he speaks, his eyes locked on Thomas’s deteriorating frame. “What-?” “Minho please.” He twists his neck to face Minho, his voice wobbles as he speaks. His throat tightens, his lip quivering. Minho looks between Newt and Thomas before murmuring a barely audible “alright.” He grasps Thomas’s shoulder, attempting to smile encouragingly but it more comes out as sympathy and concern before choking out “I’ll see you later shank.” Thomas lifts his head weakly before muttering, “thanks man.” He smiles tiredly before his face droops once more. Gally presses his lips into a tight line before nodding at newt, his gesture speaking volumes. Gally acknowledges that Newt won’t let anything happen to Thomas, that Thomas is in good hands.

“if it were to come down to you or him you would pick him”

Before Newt could even respond with a nod Gally yelled for Minho to go and they ran off into the fire and ash, smoke stings Newt's nose and makes his eyes water. Newt turned to look at Thomas, his breath rigid and his pupils blown in fury, his chest heaving with every gulp of air he took. Black liquid entirely covers his chin now, his speech disorganized and wrong. “Newt you- you need to leave! I dont- I cant-” Newt can barely make out Thomas’s words as they gargle against the liquid that encases his throat, “we need to leave, right now!!” Newt's tone is desperate as he shouts over the shrieks and gunfire. Newt grips onto Thomas wrists, Thomas weakly pulls against him. Newt tugs again, harder this time. Unforgiving. Refusing to let Thomas give up, this time Thomas cooperates and lets Newt basically carry him as he stumbles on his feet in an attempt to walk with him. Newt wraps one of Thomas’s arms around his shoulders, Newt wraps one of his arms around the stumbling boy's waist to keep him up right.

Newt's own body wobbles dangerously as he practically drags Thomas away from the collapsing city, his whole body is fueled by determination and grief alone. If Thomas's pulse went to a stop, Newt would, too, fall with him. Newt is speaking the whole time they stumble together, “there you go-” “ok put your leg up there's a curb-” “one, two, one, two-” “were almost there I promise-” “just a little further-” thomas really does try, he puts all his effort into every step, his groaning and cries only interrupting by nonsensical mumbling. The black liquid never stops dripping from his mouth as they move, leaving a trail oil like substance for anyone who dared to follow them.

Thomas goes limp.

Thomas’s body gives up on him, resulting in Newt stumbling down to the ground with him. Pure euphoria shoots through every vein, muscle and bone in his body at the collapse, Newt wishes he could lay on the ground forever. Watch the bombs die down, witness as the scorching sun rises and falls day in and day out and feel the earth take him into a slow peaceful death. That wouldn't be so bad, no? I won't let thomas die

Newt forces himself to his feet, he stumbles and fails twice before regaining his footing. All while ignoring Thomas’s pleads to be left behind, forgotten, to pay for the deaths of everyone. He too, wants to let earth take him quietly. They were always so similar weren't they? Newt wraps Thomas's arms around his neck, Newt's back pressed against Thomas’s stomach as he tries to lift the boy's frail feet off the ground. He hears cries of hell-bent determination and agony rip through his ears, he can't tell who's screaming anymore. Maybe they both are, that would make sense. His thought barely made itself out over the chaos, somehow the 6-8 steps Newt managed to carry Thomas felt like enough pain for a lifetime before Newt fell backwards, Thomas’s body weight was too much for him to carry on his back. He doesn't even remember hitting the ground before he's on his feet again, hooking his arms under Thomas's arms as he drags him relentlessly.

“CMON THOMAS” he wails the loudest he thinks his voice will ever go, every other step he falls down. After the fourth time he physically can't stand, his leg tremors violently. “We- we need to-” His chest heaves, Newt's jaw fully open in an attempt to fill his lungs to absolute capacity. Newt doesn't even realize Thomas's shoulders were pressed against his lower stomach until he rolls off him sluggishly. Newt rolls his head to the left of him where Thomas now lays, the only signs of life being his back taking moves every time he breathes and the hacking that comes along with it. “We need to- to keep moving” Newt closes his eyes as he speaks, for a moment newt hopes childishly that maybe this is all one big terrifying nightmare. That he will wake up in the safe haven vince is always talking about, a beach, green grass with colorful flowers he wishes he could learn the names of, a sun that doesnt turn your skin red and make it peel off painfully, and that maybe he will wake up in a hammock to the sounds of gentle waves. With Thomas nearby sleeping peacefully, the sun bouncing off his chocolatey hair as his breathing is deep and unclogged. Everyone would wake up or sleep in if they chose to, then have breakfast. Newt can almost hear everyone's laughter and talking, Thomas, Minho, Frypan, Gally, Brenda, Treasa-

No.

He can actually hear Treasa.

“Your blood Newt, it kills the virus! You need to- '' Newt is pulled out of his fantasyland, the rest of her words drowning out as an unimportant buzz in the back of his mind. His eyes snap open, he leans against one of his elbows and looks around for Treasa, Newt realizes she's speaking over a speaker. She's still at the tower, Newt turns his head to face Thomas, to see what he thinks of the fact Newt is the cure.

…

That's not Thomas.

Authors note!!: hey guys!! i hope you enjoyed this chapter <3 I'm so sorry i took so long to get this done, its hard to write at my dads house since i have to use my phone lol :( also super duper sorry i cut it off like that 😭 i originally planned to do the rest of the scene but then the next chapter would've been significantly shorter then the rest so i do apologize.

this chapter was SO fun to write!! Newt acts a lot differently in this fic then in the original movie and there is a reason, in the death cure HES the one dying so obviously he's weaker and also he's just trying to rescue Minho and not be a burden to the mission. but in this fic that obviously isn't the case, he's so angry at everything thats happened and Thomas slowly losing himself is his tipping point as he slowly loses his patience for everyone except Thomas, Minho and Brenda. he's so determined to keep everyone else alive he slowly loses HIMSELF in the process and i tried to highlight through his anger towards Teresa and Janson and i hope i did an ok job at giving this idea justice.

anyways ill stop my yapping lol, hope your pumped for the next chapter!!!! :D

master list is above but here it is again incase you missed it

PREVIOUS -- NEXT

#the maze runner #tmr #tmr newt #maze runner #newtmas #tmr thomas #newt tmr #tmr minho #thomas tmr #minho tmr #tmr gally #tmr fandom #tmr incorrect quotes #incorrect tmr quotes #tmr newt x thomas #tmr fanfiction #tmr brenda #newt maze runner #newt the maze runner

26 notes · View notes