#and then i DO and THIS always happens
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me: tries to go anywhere or do anything
everywhere and everything: closed
#me#WELL TOO BAD I'M NOT GIVING UPPPPPPP#it's#difficult enough to make myself even GO#and then i DO and THIS always happens#how am i supposed to#do things#okay well anyway#i'll just#walk to the park then!!!#(i say as i am feeling lazier by the second because i just got home and am very warm and the sun is hot)#i'm GOING#i love russ ballard by the way#okay NOW i'm going
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shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king
#interestingly not the most harrowing thing that happened tonight no that was#getting recognized from a podcast. i hope that never happens to me again thats so fucking scary#fuck me and my wretched life why do i always end up exisiting in the public eye while detesting the consequences
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If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers#they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy#but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure#respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys#I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years#anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period#i was always at my besties house lol#i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever...#bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️
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the fact that shakespeare was a playwright is sometimes so funny to me. just the concept of the "greatest writer of the English language" being a random 450-year-old entertainer, a 16th cent pop cultural sensation (thanks in large part to puns & dirty jokes & verbiage & a long-running appeal to commoners). and his work was made to be watched not read, but in the classroom teachers just hand us his scripts and say "that's literature"
just...imagine it's 2450 A.D. and English Lit students are regularly going into 100k debt writing postdoc theses on The Simpsons screenplays. the original animation hasn't even been preserved, it's literally just scripts and the occasional SDH subtitles.txt. they've been republished more times than the Bible
#due to the Great Data Decay academics write viciously argumentative articles on which episodes aired in what order#at conferences professors have known to engage in physically violent altercations whilst debating the air date number of household viewers#90% of the couch gags have been lost and there is a billion dollar trade in counterfeit “lost copies”#serious note: i'll be honest i always assumed it was english imperialism that made shakespeare so inescapable in the 19th/20th cent#like his writing should have become obscure at the same level of his contemporaries#but british imperialists needed an ENGLISH LANGUAGE (and BRITISH) writer to venerate#and shakespeare wrote so many damn things that there was a humongous body of work just sitting there waiting to be culturally exploited...#i know it didn't happen like this but i imagine a English Parliament House Committee Member For The Education Of The Masses or something#cartoonishly stumbling over a dusty cobwebbed crate labelled the Complete Works of Shakespeare#and going 'Eureka! this shall make excellent propoganda for fabricating a national identity in a time of great social unrest.#it will be a cornerstone of our elitist educational institutions for centuries to come! long live our decaying empire!'#'what good fortune that this used to be accessible and entertaining to mainstream illiterate audience members...#..but now we can strip that away and make it a difficult & alienating foundation of a Classical Education! just like the latin language :)'#anyway maybe there's no such thing as the 'greatest writer of x language' in ANY language?#maybe there are just different styles and yes levels of expertise and skill but also a high degree of subjectivity#and variance in the way that we as individuals and members of different cultures/time periods experience any work of media#and that's okay! and should be acknowledged!!! and allow us to give ourselves permission to broaden our horizons#and explore the stories of marginalized/underappreciated creators#instead of worshiping the List of Top 10 Best (aka Most Famous) Whatevers Of All Time/A Certain Time Period#anyways things are famous for a reason and that reason has little to do with innate “value”#and much more to do with how it plays into the interests of powerful institutions motivated to influence our shared cultural narratives#so i'm not saying 'stop teaching shakespeare'. but like...maybe classrooms should stop using it as busy work that (by accident or designs)#happens to alienate a large number of students who could otherwise be engaging critically with works that feel more relevant to their world#(by merit of not being 4 centuries old or lacking necessary historical context or requiring untaught translation skills)#and yeah...MAYBE our educational institutions could spend less time/money on shakespeare critical analysis and more on...#...any of thousands of underfunded areas of literary research i literally (pun!) don't know where to begin#oh and p.s. the modern publishing world is in shambles and it would be neat if schoolwork could include modern works?#beautiful complicated socially relevant works of literature are published every year. it's not just the 'classics' that have value#and actually modern publications are probably an easier way for students to learn the basics. since lesson plans don't have to include the#important historical/cultural context many teens need for 20+ year old media (which is older than their entire lived experience fyi)
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my favorite fields of mistria boys 🥰
#fom#fields of mistria#march#balor#art#fanart#not much to tag tbh#i do like march too but balor still takes the cake for me#i know i said that other one was my last fanart but i wanted to doodle march he looks easy to draw#and then balor happened too i cant help it#i just restarted the game im taking it slower this time#i really wish the dragonguard heist plan didnt fall through#cuz i wouldve loved to have isa just go try and grab balors keys#hehe#anyway march is canonically jacked right#not as much as his brother but he has the arms right#appearently balors eyes are brown but i have no idea what color marchs eyes are supposed to be#they just look black#love that the children are always on about balor being so mysterious#so real let me join the dragonguards#the amazing thing to me about balor is that i just did not give a shit about him in the promo art up until i met him in-game#like i saw him in the promos and was like cool whatever ill probably go for march...until i actually met him
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oh. I think my fears about Chiefcake passing from old age were more on point than I realized. she's acting very weak right now.
and it's late on a friday, when all the rabbit-specific vets have closed. I'll call around anyway to see if at home euthanasia is an option tonight.
#I didn't expect it to be this soon#she's been sleeping more and urinating outside of the litter box#so I was planning on getting her on arthritis meds to see if those helped her move around better#but tonight......I know how animals act when they're dying.#something has gone wrong inside her#god these things always happen at night when the vets have closed 💀#all I can do is stay with her and try to make her as comfortable as possible#this sucks#at least she still feels good enough to eat the apple slice I'm offering and tooth-purr while being stroked
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"Do you miss the time when you used to do no harm?"
Old habits.
Merc behaviour is based on a nice little comment @up-in-flames-writing left on one of my comics :)
Rambling and more silly drawings below.
Loosely based on the Solemn Vow's public blurb:
Art lovers will cherish the bust of Hippocrates, commemorating a time when the Medic still thought doing no harm was a good idea.
I am absolutely convinced that Medic carries dextrose drops with him. German pharmacies throw these after you when you buy anything at all. I went to check if this one specific brand I know of had been around since the 60s and 70s and yes, it was.
Small acts of kindness I can see Medic doing is giving everyone one of these if they are tired. I'm talking about Engineer mostly.
Or they snack on them when solving practical problems together, like during the teleporter bread tumor incident.
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 scout#tf2 heavy#tf2 spy#tf2 archimedes#tf2 sniper#tf2 pyro#tf2 demoman#tf2 engineer#*Vaxx leans out of the head canon window with this one*#A lot going on in the second half; if it's hard to follow: I'm trying to contrast medic keeping candy in his office despite no kids around#against his disregard to the hippocratic oath/suggestion#Why would he keep doing this general-practicioner-core thing but not the bare necessity for keeping his medical license?#I want to convey that him losing his license was nothing surprising because#in his mind the oath was always ever a mere suggestion hence it wasn't actually a big change in his values#the punchline is that there's no contrast: keeping candy in the office is just as much of a habit as is not following the hippocratic oath#When I found out about the Solemn Vow's description text I spent minutes thinking about the implications behind that#Herr Doktor what happened in your life; did nothing happen at all; did you change or were you always like this and just came to realisation#what made you stop being wholesome and choose violence
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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ITS HERE!!! Animation VS Scifi (AvSF) AU is ready!! I'm kinda bad with Scifi stuff so pls bear with me 😭🙏
Next part I will prolly be drawing out Alan, and the rest of the hollowdroids. Maybe even the mercenaries too! If I didn't get too distracted wkdnjs
#alan becker#animation vs animator#animation vs minecraft#ava#avm#Animation VS Scifi AU#Im always nervous when it comes to making AUs cause I always lose motivation so easily svdntn#hopefully it doesn't happened soon with this one#although. I do resonate with this AU a lot..
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if anyone complains about no agathario I'm going to punch them in the face LOOK AT LILIA LOOK AT HER. SHE'S FINALLY FOUND PEACE WITH HERSELF ANDBHER POWERS. SHE HAS A COVEN. LOOK AT HER
(further rant in tags)
#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#agatha spoilers#aaa spoilers#lilia calderu#no cuz im so done with everyone making the show about agathario?#like?#its a full story with it's own narrative they drive the story but they are not the exclusive point?#the characters drive the story#its always been about agatha and billy and the coven ITS AN ENSEMBLE PIECE#i love lesbians too but do you want fully fleshed-out lesbians who exist within thr context of their pasts and the world around them#or uwu look at the girls theyre pretty wheb they kiss haha#??#let the story happen and appreciate the incredible cast they put together for a story about queerness#and community and femininity#in and out of mcu context its a beautiful show and story
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well he did his best. i think. 😔
#tiger tiger#'behave' 'i always do!!' [proceeds to fuck it up at maximum power]#it's okay at least the person he's fucking it up with is. Really Enjoying It. JKFSDJFKLSJGKFLJKL#i mean to be fair. how ARE you supposed to react when instigated the way he was jkLFHFDDKLSJGKLJ#arno baited him and it was. so easy LOL#ME WHEN I LIE!!!#anyway remy has really good taste in men LOL good for him. or sorry that happened idk theres a lot going on JDJSFHDSJLF#jamis i love u....
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Thanks for listening to my sad backstory. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan xichen#lan wangji#madam lan#This normally would have been two separate comics but I felt like it was a far better joke to have them together.#Enjoy the rare double feature comic!#I was listening to this episode - scripting out and preparing for a longer and heartfelt comic on this scene.#And then Lan Xichen pulled out his flute and started playing unprompted.#I could not contain my laughter. I know it is trying to be emotionally resonate and the flute is pretty but...#It really does have the energy of “Okay thanks for listening to my tragedies and traumas. I don't know how to segue out of this.”#This madam lan design is inspired by Qourmet's design! Really good stuff that I was not able to do more with in this one panel.#Speaking of...I know it is ambiguous on purpose and we are only told what happened through LXC's POV but...#I always interpreted madam lan's passing as a suicide. I think LXC was told it was illness to soften the blow.#She was stuck in a house with maybe a servant coming by to give her food. One day a month she saw her children.#Of course she was warm and loving in their memories-#She was trying to give them a version of her that would be remembered as such. She wanted to protect them from the truth.#She did her best but she was already dead a long time ago. She must have felt like a ghost haunting a house.#Love to her was waiting. And both her boys inherited that view of love.
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a couple scribbles i cleaned up. also i think i like drawing him in varying states of distress
#i desperately want to know what happened the first time he cried#actually is that something he can do? is he capable of it?#i feel like he wouldn't like it...#since crying is messy and we all know he enjoys/values his appearance greatly#i mean cmon. its an involuntary loss of composure. and especially if he doesnt understand what/why its happening#so in my mind rn hed be idk... kinda desperate to stop crying & act fine?#HES SO FASCINATING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM <3#many things probably!#what to do when you're a puppet created as a blank slate while everyone around you already Knows Shit and Understands Feelings#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#wally darling#i know there's a lot of Head Empty jokes abt him#but honestly he gives the vibes of thinking constantly#always absorbing information and considering and learning and Forming Opinions#he LOOKS head empty. but he isnt.#i just cant imagine him never not Thinking#unless he really is head empty in which case. good for him. i support him no matter what. hes just like me<3
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Chord Striker Au by @thatbennybee
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#broppy#trolls poppy#trolls branch#ship meme used in 2nd panel was made by @EggyDaxy on twitter#chordstriker au#hello! wanted to let you know that I really really love your works!!! both your art and your writing is inspiring <3<3<3#was originally gonna make fanart for their amazing fanfic 'Rewinding or Fate'#as you can see that is not what happened lol#stumbled on this au and the vibes! their designs!! had to make fanart!!!#always wanted to draw rock poppy & oh is it sooo fun!!! Both of their designs are satisfying to draw#& can I say that I looove their branch design!!!#nothing gives me more joy than drawing for other ppl's au's#it's so fun!!! imo they're my fav works!!!#always been a fan of b's scar/facial hair hc#but i always forget to add them lol#still want to draw for ROF fic btw but idk what scenes to do#trolls fanart#my art <3#excuse the messiness#should I give a warning tag on slight suggestiveness??#probs not just want to make sure :)
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