#and then her bingeing as elisabeth

[can-i-use-ur-nuns-bog]

really minor detail in the substance but i think it really hammers home how much of a commodity elisabeth was to the tv network and how little any of them gave a shit about her as soon as she was no longer useful to them - the leaving present her boss gives her is wrapped in christmas wrapping paper. like, no one could even be bothered buying wrapping paper that fit the occasion. that, alongside the hints that it was a regift, really emphasises how little worth elisabeth had and exactly why she got addicted to becoming sue. she is the only part of her that anyone loves. even fred, who is probably the closest a character comes to caring about her as a person, is constantly referring to her celebrity status. you never see her with any friends or family. after being in a huge car crash, no one is there with her at the hospital. hell, even her other self just uses her. she is so isolated and the only connections that she has are dependant on her being young, thin, and beautiful.

and the tragedy is she herself perpetuates the cycle! even when she feels the effects of the beauty/fitness/anti-aging industry, she (as sue) jumps right back into the industry and peddles it to other women!! i watched this film with a lot of sympathy for her but the film also doesn't shy away from the fact that she is complicit in all this!

[macrolit]

By Elisabeth Egan May 18, 2024

“You’d be shocked by how many books have women chained in basements,” Reese Witherspoon said. “I know it happens in the world. I don’t want to read a book about it.”

Nor does she want to read an academic treatise, or a 700-page novel about a tree.

Sitting in her office in Nashville, occasionally dipping into a box of takeout nachos, Witherspoon talked about what she does like to read — and what she looks for in a selection for Reese’s Book Club, which she referred to in a crisp third person.

“It needs to be optimistic,” Witherspoon said. “It needs to be shareable. Do you close this book and say, ‘I know exactly who I want to give it to?’”

But, first and foremost, she wants books by women, with women at the center of the action who save themselves. “Because that’s what women do,” she said. “No one’s coming to save us.”

Witherspoon, 48, has now been a presence in the book world for a decade. Her productions of novels like “Big Little Lies,” “Little Fires Everywhere” and “The Last Thing He Told Me” are foundations of the binge-watching canon. Her book club picks reliably land on the best-seller list for weeks, months or, in the case of “Where the Crawdads Sing,” years. In 2023, print sales for the club’s selections outpaced those of Oprah’s Book Club and Read With Jenna, according to Circana Bookscan, adding up to 2.3 million copies sold.

So how did an actor who dropped out of college (fine, Stanford) become one of the most influential people in an industry known for being intractable and slightly tweedy?

It started with Witherspoon’s frustration over the film industry’s skimpy representation of women onscreen — especially seasoned, strong, smart, brave, mysterious, complicated and, yes, dangerous women.

“When I was about 34, I stopped reading interesting scripts,” she said.

Witherspoon had already made a name for herself with “Election,” “Legally Blonde” and “Walk the Line.” But, by 2010, Hollywood was in flux: Streaming services were gaining traction. DVDs were following VHS tapes to the land of forgotten technology.

“When there’s a big economic shift in the media business, it’s not the superhero movies or independent films we lose out on,” Witherspoon said. “It’s the middle, which is usually where women live. The family drama. The romantic comedy. So I decided to fund a company to make those kinds of movies.”

In 2012, she started the production company Pacific Standard with Bruna Papandrea. Its first projects were film adaptations of books: “Gone Girl” and “Wild,” which both opened in theaters in 2014.

Growing up in Nashville, Witherspoon knew the value of a library card. She caught the bug early, she said, from her grandmother, Dorothea Draper Witherspoon, who taught first grade and devoured Danielle Steel novels in a “big cozy lounger” while sipping iced tea from a glass “with a little paper towel wrapped around it.”

This attention to detail is a smoke signal of sorts: Witherspoon is a person of words.

When she was in high school, Witherspoon stayed after class to badger her English teacher — Margaret Renkl, now a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times — about books that weren’t part of the curriculum. When Witherspoon first moved to Los Angeles, books helped prepare her for the “chaos” of filmmaking; “The Making of the African Queen” by Katharine Hepburn was a particular favorite.

So it made sense that, as soon as Witherspoon joined Instagram, she started sharing book recommendations. Authors were tickled and readers shopped accordingly. In 2017, Witherspoon made it official: Reese’s Book Club became a part of her new company, Hello Sunshine.

The timing was fortuitous, according to Pamela Dorman, senior vice president and publisher of Pamela Dorman Books/Viking, who edited the club’s inaugural pick, “Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.” “The book world needed something to help boost sales in a new way,” she said.

Reese’s Book Club was that something: “Eleanor Oliphant” spent 85 weeks on the paperback best-seller list. The club’s second pick, “The Alice Network,” spent nearly four months on the weekly best-seller lists and two months on the audio list. Its third, “The Lying Game,” spent 18 weeks on the weekly lists.

“There’s nothing better than getting that phone call,” added Dorman, who has now edited two more Reese’s Book Club selections.

Kiley Reid’s debut novel, “Such a Fun Age,” got the nod in January 2020. She said, “When I was on book tour, a lot of women would tell me, ‘I haven’t read a book in four years, but I trust Reese.’” Four years later, on tour for her second novel, “Come and Get It,” Reid met women who were reading 100 books a year.

Witherspoon tapped into a sweet spot between literary and commercial fiction, with a few essay collections and memoirs sprinkled in. She turned out to be the literary equivalent of a fit model — a reliable bellwether for readers in search of intelligent, discussion-worthy fare, hold the Proust. She wanted to help narrow down the choices for busy readers, she said, “to bring the book club out of your grandma’s living room and online.”

She added: “The unexpected piece of it all was the economic impact on these authors’ lives.”

One writer became the first person in her family to own a home. “She texted me a picture of the key,” Witherspoon said. “I burst into tears.”

Witherspoon considers a handful of books each month. Submissions from publishers are culled by a small group that includes Sarah Harden, chief executive of Hello Sunshine; Gretchen Schreiber, manager of books (her original title was “bookworm”); and Jon Baker, whose team at Baker Literary Scouting scours the market for promising manuscripts.

Not only is Witherspoon focused on stories by women — “the Bechdel test writ large,” Baker said — but also, “Nothing makes her happier than getting something out in the world that you might not see otherwise.”

When transgender rights were in the headlines in 2018, the club chose “This Is How It Always Is,” Laurie Frankel’s novel about a family grappling with related issues in the petri dish of their own home. “We track the long tail of our book club picks and this one, without fail, continues to sell,” Baker said.

Witherspoon’s early readers look for a balance of voices, backgrounds and experiences. They also pay attention to the calendar. “Everyone knows December and May are the busiest months for women,” Harden said, referring to the mad rush of the holidays and the end of the school year. “You don’t want to read a literary doorstop then. What do you want to read on summer break? What do you want to read in January?”

Occasionally the group chooses a book that isn’t brand-new, as with the club’s April pick, “The Most Fun We Ever Had,” from 2019. When Claire Lombardo learned that her almost-five-year-old novel had been anointed, she thought there had been a mistake; after all, her new book, “Same As it Ever Was,” is coming out next month. “It’s wild,” Lombardo said. “It’s not something that I was expecting.”

Sales of “The Most Fun We Ever Had” increased by 10,000 percent after the announcement, according to Doubleday. Within the first two weeks, 27,000 copies were sold. The book has been optioned by Hello Sunshine.

Witherspoon preferred not to elaborate on a few subjects: competition with other top-shelf book clubs (“We try not to pick the same books”); the lone author who declined to be part of hers (“I have a lot of respect for her clarity”); and the 2025 book she’s already called dibs on (“You can’t imagine that Edith Wharton or Graham Greene didn’t write it”).

But she was eager to set the record straight on two fronts. Her team doesn’t get the rights to every book — “It’s just how the cookie crumbles,” she said — and, Reese’s Book Club doesn’t make money off sales of its picks. Earnings come from brand collaborations and affiliate revenue.

This is true of all celebrity book clubs. An endorsement from one of them is a free shot of publicity, but one might argue that Reese’s Book Club does a bit more for its books and authors than most. Not only does it promote each book from hardcover to paperback, it supports authors in subsequent phases of their careers.

Take Reid, for instance. More than three years after Reese’s Book Club picked her first novel, it hosted a cover reveal for “Come and Get It,” which came out in January. This isn’t the same as a yellow seal on the cover, but it’s still a spotlight with the potential to be seen by the club’s 2.9 million Instagram followers.

“I definitely felt like I was joining a very large community,” Reid said.

“Alum” writers tend to stay connected with one another via social media, swapping woot woots and advice. They’re also invited to participate in Hello Sunshine events and Lit Up, a mentorship program for underrepresented writers. Participants get editing and coaching from Reese’s Book Club authors, plus a marketing commitment from the club when their manuscripts are submitted to agents and editors.

“I describe publishing and where we sit in terms of being on a river,” Schreiber said. “We’re downstream; we’re looking at what they’re picking. Lit Up gave us the ability to look upstream and say, ‘We’d like to make a change here.’”

The first Lit Up-incubated novel, “Time and Time Again” by Chatham Greenfield, is coming out from Bloomsbury YA in July. Five more fellows have announced the sales of their books.

As Reese’s Book Club approaches a milestone — the 100th pick, to be announced in September — it continues to adapt to changes in the market. Print sales for club selections peaked at five million in 2020, and they’ve softened since then, according to Circana Bookscan. In 2021, Candle Media, a Blackstone-backed media company, bought Hello Sunshine for $900 million. Witherspoon is a member of Candle Media’s board. She is currently co-producing a “Legally Blonde” prequel series for Amazon Prime Video.

This month, Reese’s Book Club will unveil an exclusive audio partnership with Apple, allowing readers to find all the picks in one place on the Apple Books app. “I want people to stop saying, ‘I didn’t really read it, I just listened,’” Witherspoon said. “Stop that. If you listened, you read it. There’s no right way to absorb a book.”

She feels that Hollywood has changed over the years: “Consumers are more discerning about wanting to hear stories that are generated by a woman.”

Even as she’s looking forward, Witherspoon remembers her grandmother, the one who set her on this path.

“Somebody came up to me at the gym the other day and he said” — here she put on a gentle Southern drawl — “‘I’m going to tell you something I bet you didn’t hear today.’ And he goes, ‘Your grandma taught me how to read.’”

Another smoke signal, and a reminder of what lives on.

[irisbleufic]

Of all the current Devil’s Minion writers your playlist is the one I want to see. Do you have one? If not, are there particular songs you’ve been listening into to while you write? The vibe of your prose with them is hypnotizing like the short story about them in the books, it’s impressive, and does your music also inform this choice if at all?

Intense question, anon. Fourteen-year-old me fucking hyperventilated after reading the DM chapter in Queen of the Damned (me, on the floor of my bedroom at 3am because I don’t want to get caught reading this book, staring dazed at the ceiling; me, now, three weeks ago, sitting shellshocked on the sofa after watching S1 and S2 over two days as a binge; me, over two of those weeks following the binge, rereading the first half of the Chronicles and starting to see double, tilt the prism, see what happens when the narratives are overlaid and blurred), and it still feels like that. Likely my prose turning out the way it is in these stories is about 90% my giddy teenage self having access to my adult self’s writing experience to finally write this beloved pairing without fear of litigious letters (IYKYK, my fellow elder Millennials in the fandom). I don’t often love film and TV adaptations of my favorite books, but I adore this show. It’s flawlessly transformative; its improvements only make the resonances and overlaps that much more meaningful. No notes.

However, I have been listening to the same small handful of songs on repeat for 6 days as I write these pieces. I imagine they are affecting my sense of scansion at points; my writing life didn’t begin with fiction, it began with years of poetry before I ever tried prose. These tracks are as meaningful to me as poems as they are songs. It’s as good a starting point for a playlist as any; I’ll keep adding and put it together on Spotify at some point.

1. Vesuvius - Sufjan Stevens

Vesuvius, I am here

You are all I have

Fire of fire, I'm insecure

for it is all been made to plan

Though I know I will fail

I cannot be made to laugh

for in life as in death

I'd rather be burned

than be living in debt

This song was my entire first 72 hours of writing. I’m that Autistic weirdo who will listen to a single song on repeat for a month and think nothing of it. Villa of the Mysteries in Pompeii being the nexus point of their love story from beginning to end in QotD, this is everything to me; I was never going to be able to write about the show incarnation of them without integrating this location and this imagery in the most reverent love letter I know how. This is why my series title for these stories is Caldera. Volcanic crater blowout if ever I saw one; I ran with it.

2. I Forget Where We Were - Ben Howard

Hello love, my invincible friend; hello, love, the thistle and the burr. For you, I have so many words—and I, I forget where we were. I haven’t known this song for all that long in the grand scheme, but it found me via Spotify shuffle in 2022 right after something awful happened. The longing in this song hinges on one of the lovers in it waking up to something they’ve forgotten about their relationship, something precious, and I’m thrilled to finally have a fandom application for it.

3. Make You Better - The Decemberists

I sung you your twinges

I suffered you your tattle-tales

and when you broke sideways

I wanted you, I needed you, oh

to make me better

Oh, to make me better

But we're not so starry-eyed anymore

like the perfect paramour you were in your letters

And won't it all just come around to make you

let it all un-break you to the day that you met her

No excuse for this one; it does a great job of speaking for itself. Front-man Colin Meloy is one of my all-time favorite songwriters, and his work is frequently dark, creepy, and/or gothic enough in flavor that I could find a few more.

4. Song to the Siren - Elisabeth Fraser & This Mortal Coil

On the floating shipless oceans

I did all my best to smile

till your singing eyes and fingers

drew me loving to your isle

and you sang, “Sail to me,

sail to me, let me enfold you—

here I am, here I am,

waiting to hold you.”

This cover of Tim Buckley’s folk masterpiece completely transforms the vibe of the song, and in the kind of way you need for this pairing. This one is at responsible for the events and imagery in my “Still Life with Sunken Treasure.”

5. Hal - Yasmine Hamdan, Only Lovers Left Alive OST

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اطلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي شرّفي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وطلعت يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اتريحي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتلحلحي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وسمعت يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اتفرفشي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي قربي

لأ ما أقدرشي

فرشنا يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اقلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتجرأي

لأ مش ممكن

شلحنا يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اتغندريله

يا حبيبتي اتذوقيله

افهمي يا سيدي مش قادرة

وطبعا تقنعني مش واخدة

ايه يا عزيزة؟

ايه اللي إنتي عملاه ده؟

يا يا يا راجل يا هوه!

مش عيب عليك اختشي ونو

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اخلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتشخلعي

لأ مش ممكن

يا خيبتي يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اتبغددي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي جربي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وجينا يا ناس، غلبنا يا ناس

جينا يا ناس، غلبنا يا ناس

I don’t think the Arabic justified to the correct side when I copied this, but the translation is very easy to find. I don’t speak Arabic, but honestly the English translation is dull compared to the beauty of this language. If you haven’t watched Only Lovers Left Alive, what the hell are you even doing with your vampire-loving, monster-fucking life? All the tracks on it have the right vibe for DM, really.

[sydmarch]

i find the relationship w food between elisabeth & sue to be super interesting. it could be so easy for elisabeth to be liberated by the substance & more by specifically having sue take over her job when it comes to food, in a "now that i no longer have to hold myself to the extreme standard of having the body for a fitness show i can finally enjoy myself & eat what i like" way, but instead binge eating becomes a coping mechanism & a form of self harm (and/or harming sue but same thing really).

like even just the framing of the food itself and how it's shot plays into this. the disgusting sound effects & unappealing close ups. the cookbook exclusively full of recipes evoking violence or disgust with the foie gras stuffed turkey that needs to be eviscerated, blood sausages, tripe, & brains. the food in this movie is often as gross as the gore & body horror.

the first binge we see evidence of is a direct coping response to elisabeth's self hatred preventing her from going on the date with fred. and the effect this binge has on sue really says a lot considering how from a purely logical standpoint, elisabeth binge eating has no bearing on sue. no matter what she eats, it won't have an effect on sue's body.

however it clearly does have an impact on her mind as seen by her nightmare (? for lack of a better word) during the switch. she didn't eat any of the chicken but still imagines it deforming her body, in a way that's both extremely on display & impacts her ability to perform. elisabeth's lack of control could so easily become her lack of control. sue being created 'perfect' doesn't free her from the pressure of needing to uphold & work towards an ideal. she still can't ever truly be good enough. her billboard has been photoshopped & airbrushed to hell & back.

with her body being under such a microscope the messaging is clear: slip up like elisabeth and everyone will notice and it will all come crashing down. it seems super intentional with this in mind that the literal only time we sue consume anything besides bottled water (and obviously the bagged food iv) it's specifically diet coke.

the second binge following the cooking/interview scene comes off as directly targeted towards harming sue. elisabeth is angry, at war with herself, and binges to lash out. and the impact on sue is so strong that she refuses to go back.

[yume-x-hanabi]

Life update

Posted on DW, but I figured I could update this blog as well now that I'm semi-getting back into social media...

I've sorta fallen off from the fandom and social media space, because life has been a lot these past few years. To sum up briefly:

- I made a couple of posts about it last year, but I bought an apartment in a new building (construction wasn't finished at the time). Running left and right to choose stuff such as flooring etc, getting things organized on the paperwork side (banks, notaries...), plus the move itself, took me a lot of time and energy. I've been living here full time for 10 months now though, and it's been great. Love the building (even tho it's not entirely finished orz), love the neighbourhood, and it's so great to have your own place. Missy seems at ease here, too, which is important. The balconies' guardrails are huge glass panes that go all the way to the floor with no gap, so that means I can let her out without supervision without fear of her falling/jumping off.

- Work, the main culprit for my withdrawal from fandom. I think I mentioned before that I took on more admin tasks a couple years ago, and while I enjoy the actual work when I get to it, it's a huge huge drain to my mental energy, esp when combined with everything else (class prep, exams, meetings etc). So it's pretty much killed my drive, and my already bad work-life balance just became worse and worse. Like, it's not that I don't have free time (perks of teaching = lots of holidays), but when I do I'm so mentally exhausted that I was pretty much only able to play mindless games like Solitaire or Civilization VI (which became like an addiction lol) or doomscroll on twitter or reddit. I pretty much lost my ability to engage with hobbies, except for the ones below, and I'm trying really really hard to come back and make it stick this time around.

- Speaking of hobbies though, I've gotten really into classical music and started attending concerts regularly. By perfect coincidence, my new place is at a 2-minute walk from my city's philharmonic hall, and I've been enjoying the heck out of that perk. My city's orchestra is really good, and their program so varied. When it was time to choose my subscription for next season, it was harder to choose which concerts not to attend (but a choice had to be made ;v;). Also I'm super stoked because they're playing my favorite symphony next year, I didn't expect to be able to hear it live so soon!

I think this really saved my mental health this year. Like, it's a bit hard to explain, but there's something really unique and relaxing about the atmosphere there. It's a bit intimidating at first, and I was really self-conscious about not making noise at the beginning, but I've gotten used to it now. Mostly, I think it helped me rediscover what it is to just sit down and enjoy the moment, without constantly looking for stimulation to my already overstimulated mind (silly aside, but before that I'd sorta lost the ability to binge a series without mindlessly checking my phone in the middle of episodes. Being "forced" to keep my phone away for the duration of a concert has really helped me recover my attention span). I think it helps my mind rest, if that makes sense? Also there's nothing comparable to listening to the music live in a hall with great acoustics x3

I followed the Queen Elisabeth Competition closely this year, live for a few finals performances when possible, the rest on TV, and it was really awesome. I think in four years I'll get the subscription for the whole finals week :p

- Relatedly, I've also started taking violin lessons. I'd always wanted to learn an instrument since I was a child (loved those mandatory recorder classes we had at school lol), but it never happened (partly because I was too passive as a child to actively ask for it, partly because my parents probably didn't want to have their eardrums massacred, so didn't offer it (wouldn't have said no if I'd asked, but as I said I wasn't good at asking back then)). It took me a while to actually make the jump, because I thought I'm too old now and there's no point, but I finally did with some encouragements from friends and colleagues and I'm really glad I did. Violin is... hard lol. I sound absolutely terrible. But it's also really fun? Like I feel like I'll never be good, but also I've made so much progress since I started. I don't have much time to practice (I aim at at least 10min a day these days, which isn't a lot, but it's better than nothing and it's more important to do it a little regularly than a lot once in a while). I'm really looking forward to the day I'll be able to attempt to play Xillia songs 😄 Also I really love my teacher<3

- Lastly, niece is 3 now and so fun to interact with. It's not always easy, she's very stubborn and willful, but she's also really sweet and funny. Love her ❤️ And she's just got a little sister! who's a very chill newborn, so different from niece#1 lol. I can't wait to see them play together when they're a little bit older.

Anyway, that's pretty much the main things that have been going on the past couple of years. Like I said I'm not sure I can be totally back, I think it's gonna take a lot of adjustment, but this time I really don't want to let another year pass by like that. I'm really gonna try hard to have better balance this time!

[olivia-crains]

“I have been a therapist for two decades, I have seen hundreds of people, and I can say with absolute certainty that I have never met anyone with more self hatred than you.”

I never thought I would be 31 years old and in this position. My pastel apartment walls stare back at me, the opposite of my innards. The walls of my home are lined with various artworks from my favorite movies and shows, even my favorite people. My books and records are colored coded and sit aligned perfectly on the shelves before me. But all I can focus on is the key sitting on my coffee table, shaming me for my acts completed earlier today.

“Remember her?”

Her title card is a stark white.

You see the real Elisabeth Sparkle, she is so unbelievably beautiful, thin, successful, it appears that people love her but once alone you can tell she is unhappy. When someone matches your internal monologue, it make it fact. Harvey discrediting her and firing her and essentially degrading her, the sliver of self love Elisabeth had left, has died.

I realize many will call me stupid and say I missed the entire point of the movie, but this is my personal take on it.

I am 31.5 years old. I have not experienced a moment of self love. Please do not be like me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s completely exhausting and all consuming. I spend every waking moment thinking of things I hate about myself, and each and everyday I come up with something new. And when people start pointing out those things and agreeing with me, it validates the hatred. It validates the violence. It gives it more power. It makes the hole even deeper.

The car accident is so violent and yet, there is not a scratch on her. This may be untrue but it seems to me that she wished she died in that car accident. She has nothing to live for anymore. Her success is over. Her life is over. The physical appearance of her, sitting on that table, hunched over, a blank stare with dried tears on her face, but still there, its a visual I can’t shake. You’re still here and people so want you to be grateful, but all you can focus on is the bad.

I can’t think of even one thing I like about myself. I am overweight, my nose is difficult and gigantic, my skin is pale and covered in freckles and moles, my boobs are small, I have various skin issues, my teeth are yellow and crooked, my hair is shit brown and grey, I have thin short eyelashes, I have short and patchy eyebrows, I suck at doing my makeup, I have no sense of fashion, but the worst part of me, is what is inside.

“Everything comes from you.”

Elisabeth examines herself before activating. She scans every inch of her body, the shame radiates through the screen even when she is simply ordering The Substance. She is already so ashamed and she hasn’t even administered the drug yet. She is taking a step to try to be better. To meet the best version of herself. It is so heartbreaking.

“Would you like to stop? Go back to being just you. On your own.”

Sue’s title card is bright pink.

Elisabeth takes care of her. She places a rolled towel under her head, she makes sure she is comfortable, she makes sure is fed, she takes such good care of her, almost maternal. She looks at her with love and care, not envy just yet, how we would maybe view our past self or even little us. Before we really get to know ourselves.

Elisabeth counts down the days until Sue takes over, she sits at home, binge eating and watching television in her chair, further shaming herself. Why not make things worse? She keeps herself locked away and further isolates.

Self loathing is so paralyzing. Its so easy for people to say ‘just move forward, don’t look back!’ There is no moving forward. You are still there at the finish line. You.

“That this part of yourself is still worth something.”

Elisabeth sees the boy Sue has been fucking and feels the need to call Fred. You see a glimpse of the Elisabeth that loves herself in the scene. But the phone call with Fred is so vulnerable, he feeds her heart and ego in a sincere way and you can tell she feels like magic again, even if only for a moment. She brings down the ‘old junk: Elisabeth’ box from the closet, she puts on her red dress and gloves, she does her makeup and even smiles as she gets ready. She feels beautiful. She feels confident. For the first time in a while.

She looks at Sue’s lips. Starts over. She looks at Sue’s body. Starts over. She sees the billboard. Starts over. She keeps going back and checking. Looking for imperfections. She finally turns to violence and smears her makeup, pulling and beating her face, destroying the physical self and returning to her room to isolate and ignore the man who genuinely adores her. She was so close to having a moment of self acceptance.

I have been trying to find words to describe how visceral and all consuming self hatred is, and I have failed. It is something indescribable. It affects every single aspect of your life. The date scene does more than words ever could when it comes to describing self hatred.

“I can’t do this. I need you. I hate myself. Come on! They are going to love you so much. You’re the only lovable part of me. You have to come back.”

The attempted termination scene rings through my head. My immediate reaction to watching that scene was one of such intense fear, vomit crawled up my throat as I fought back tears. Demi’s delivery is completely soul crushing, the way she says the words above, each word said differently and laced with such intense hatred and pity all at once. It broke my heart. It was the first time in my life that I have maybe seen what others see when I treat myself in such a way.

Feel like I have to add this here and say that Demi Moore’s performance as Elisabeth Sparkle will sit on what I call my heart shelf for the rest of my life. She joins the likes of Nina Sayers and that’s a huge honor, in my eyes. It’s a performance so gutting and comforting I will reference it in times of turmoil for the rest of my days. Nina and Elisabeth. Two halves of my shriveled and broken heart.

There is so much self violence in this movie, and I realize that is the point but the way it is portrayed profoundly affected me. Sue holding Elisabeth up to the mirror and bashing her head in, but making her take a good long look at herself first. It is so extreme but internally, that violence is so much worse than one can ever imagine. There is a great deal of humiliation in this movie that I noticed a lot more on rewatches. Dragging her down the steps, making her look at her ugliness in the mirror over and over again.

Stop it. In the mirror. Hitting her head. Stop it. On the bathroom floor. Banging her head against the tile. Stop it. Sitting at the kitchen table. Alone. Hitting her head with her hands. All of this after she experiences moments of humiliation or pieces of herself come to the forefront of her mind.

The choice to kick Elisabeth to death, I mean god…kicking someone to death takes so much effort and energy, the scene itself feels never ending, you’re praying for it to stop while some in the audience are laughing at the absurdity of the scene. The blood spraying Sue more and more with each kick, Jesus Christ.

I am not worthy of self love. My life is pathetic to an extent I’m not sure anyone would ever resonate with. I am alone. I am a loser. I have no one. I have never been loved. I have never been touched. And the only person to blame is myself.

I am the meanest person you will ever encounter. I judge people who love themselves to the point it makes me hate them and resent them, I can’t understand it. How could anyone love themselves? But then I look at their lives and see why they do. They are loved. They get fucked. They have friends. They have talent. They have children. They have husbands. They have wives. They have a life. They are good people. They are thin. They are attractive. They have no flaws.

I do nothing for no one. I sit at home 7 days a week and stuff my face and watch reality television. I sit and stew in my self loathing and enact terrible violences toward myself on a minute by minute basis. I don’t feel worthy of the steps I take. I don’t feel worthy of the breath I make, nothing. I wish I was a completely different person. I would give anything to be anyone other than me.

I see people do things to better themselves and it makes me want to do the opposite, as if I’m somehow better than others because I’m humble and despise myself. Writing that now is the first time I’ve ever really thought about how ridiculous that is and how completely unfair to even myself that is. It makes me wonder if I even want to improve or if I want to be a person that lives in the past, worshipping my former body, my former self.

“Don’t be scared! It’s still me!”

The bleeding never stops. And in the end, only you remain. Even if its in the form of a monster. You’re still in there.

I took it too far today. As I dragged the key into my arm and saw the blood dripping down, I was met with so much shame. I was embarrassed over the way I was perceived and the way I acted over, idk, most of my life? But when I socialize and can’t control the way I am being seen and the way I act, the shame is so intense I have to find an energy outlet. Its so difficult to separate these thoughts from the desires to immediately carve out a piece of flesh or inject yourself. And now I am met with likely a lifelong scar that will serve as a permanent reminder of how much I hate myself.

Elisabeth ignores her own potential. It’s so deeply upsetting to see a character like Elisabeth feel this way and watching her downfall and how she becomes her own worst enemy. How can someone like that feel such a way? Look at her! Look at her life!

You always come back to yourself. Even as you fade from existence.

Coralie Fargeat’s The Substance is cathartic for those of us who hate ourselves. I wish I could kill so many part of myself, but The Substance made me realize that maybe beneath it all there is something about me that is worth celebrating, even if I haven’t discovered what exactly that is yet.

“It changed my life.”

[theredpharaoah]

And Elisabeth has such a horrible relationship with food. She only really eats when she’s “failed”, and she tends to binge. She doesn’t eat at lunch with Harvey. After she first comes back she eats those two eggs(lmao), but that’s about it for normal meals. She eats the spinach(?) pie and a lot more after the dysmorphia episode. And she cooks and eats all that french food after Sue has aged her to a crone. I don’t think we ever see Sue eat. We see her sip a Diet Coke once lmao. This is because Sue is perfect and eating is disgusting, so a perfect thing like her doesn’t do it. And another thing; we don’t see Sue wake up in the bathroom or go in the bathroom after the first time really. Not until she runs out of stabilizer fluid. The first thing Elisabeth does when she wakes up is look in the mirror or just spend a lot of time in the bathroom. She’s isolated, alone, vulnerable, and constantly attacking herself. Sue looks in the mirror once when she’s “born” and not again until she’s literally falling off the bone. Sue doesn’t have to check the mirror constantly. Sue’s perfect and Lizzy already knows that. So sad.

[bookbutterfly1999]

To be young is to be free- is what Elisabeth Sparkle believes, in “The Substance 2024”.

But the inherent joy of life… is in the moments we forget ourselves and just admire the beauty of nature, laugh, watch stars, talk to friends…

There’s so much more to life. And yet this person’s own ideologies crushed their spirit.

Their will to live being tied to their will to do anything…

If you think about it, Elisabeth did not need to go back to being a pump girl tv host. She had money and time… she could have simply went around the world, maybe talked to strangers, took her show to another tv station tbh… or even taught her show for free or try to find herself in life after all these years..

Instead her own obsession with her own beauty and her feeling of “being old and not enough” just because that one show runner dude thought so- who looks Ugly as crap btw… he has no reason to judge Elisabeth for anything. Period.

This movie hits the nail on the head about women’s relationships with their own self, their own bodies. It’s a metaphor for birthing someone and it’s a metaphor for how we as a society have normalised not taking care of our elderly.

It is a movie that perpetuates the fallacy about how life is over after our -20s, -30s, -40s, -50s…. We keep making more arbitrary and ageist rules for many things.

The entire beauty and skincare industry thrives under these circumstances.

This movie is a stark reflection of how we as a society fail to see the inherent value of people. We consistently mistreat women, women mistreat each other, because it is so easy to hate on them and call some of their interests shallow or weak. When it is men who enjoy the showboating and performance type things that women do. Then go around back and accuse the same women of being artificial and superficial when it is men who perpetuate such stereotypes.

Men laugh at women for wearing make up. Men also prefer they do. Men can’t even accept stuff like menstruation which funnily enough many women go through on a monthly basis. Men often forget that ~50% of the world’s population is women and often cater to the men and keep catering only to them, in both entertainment and in opportunities… it’s sick.

But women are another breed, not only as victims but also as the perpetrators! Women harm each other and don’t support each other.

These are just some of the themes I observed in the film.

The other obvious ones about the beauty standards and isolationism and hedonism and self harm through binging/alcohol/drugs etc… I’m sure there’s so much more

[nomodernromance]

What’s The Empress about? Could use another show to watch !

It's a fictionalized version of the relationship of Elisabeth the Empress of Austria and her husband Franz, set in 1853. It's a German netflix original. Production design, costumes, cinematography are great. It's a stunning show. The actors are great, especially the female lead. I really liked the script but I watch it in German, so I don't know about the dubbing/subs.

If you enjoy period/historical drama, it's your show. It's also only 6 episodes per season, so an easy binge.

[bonesplinter]

actually speaking of the substance

cut for spoilies which i should have done before my b my b you can kill me. if you want. whatever.

my brain keeps chewing on some point about plastic surgery and ridiculous "upkeep" done in order for women to be seen as attractive and the entirety of the movie itself. like, a few shots of filler here, a facelift there, but eventually you need more and more but you cannot nip and tuck time and gravity away, and then you see the madonnas of the world where people give them hell for all the work they've had done trying to stay young and loved. like do you see the vision?? the tabloids chime in about someone's botched work and how she used to be sooo beautiful but shame shame, her vanity made her ugly/turned her into a monster. monstro elisasue being... made? as a result of something obviously ott but similar! elisabeth/sue NEEDING this mysterious procedure to keep her/them beautiful and therefore relevant?! it goes wrong and boom, monster?! plastic surgery botched and women laid tf into for it?!!? HRRRGHGHHHHGHH...

and how elisabeth and sue Never eat while in the spotlight! sue's only seen sipping a diet coke but it's all sultry-like, yk? like a performance of how she's a Good Woman who understands how Good Women act which doesn't include eating because she's gotta stay Thin and therefore hot/appealing!! Hot Girls only consume non-calories! and how once she's shown the door and thrown the fuck out, elisabeth is given a cookbook. like ok, we got the years of "worth" from you but you're not fresh and fertile anymore and therefore, no one is going to look at you— you don't matter since your looks are gone. you may now be a human and Eat, just not where we have to see you. the body horror with how sue pulls out the chicken leg from her own body from the like, feral binge elisabeth goes on, and sue's resulting anger.... the relationship with food in the movie alone!!!

also THEE most painful thing is a tie between elisabeth flaking on fred because she hates how she looks too fucking much to actually Live/possibly experience being loved even when horribly insecure and without the condition of being an airbrushed Babe 25/8, and monstro elisasue putting on the cutout of elisabeth's face😭 like she knows she can't go back to that version of herself she spiraled out of control hating but she's good enough now😭😷 girl just kill me... that specific pain of seeing your past self and seeing they were fine but you didn't appreciate being them—in fact, you fucking hated them—and you miss them Now when they're gone... UGGGGHHHH

[healthandsefty2143]

Unconventional Wisdom: Must-Read Doctor Books for Health Enthusiasts

doctor book for health.

These books offer a treasury of insights, stories, and experiences that can help us better understand the world of medicine, the human condition, and the art of healing.

In this article, we've hand-picked a list of 10 must-read doctor books that every health enthusiast should have on their reading list.

1. The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman

This book is a celebrated piece of work by journalist Anne Fadiman. It chronicles the real-life experiences of a Hmong refugee family from Laos and their encounters with the American health care system.

You can also try this product.👇

Doctor's Book

About the Book

The book presents a clear dichotomy between Western systems of medicine and traditional Hmong practices. It also sheds light on the cultural disconnect that often happens between doctors and patients from different cultural backgrounds.

Why You Should Read It

Understanding and respecting unfamiliar cultures is crucial in healthcare. This book is a testament to that and is highly recommended for those seeking to deepen their cultural sensitivity in patient care.

2. Alternative Medicine by Rafael CampoImage

Esteemed poet-physician Rafael Campo explores the interplay of language and healing in this collection of poetry.

About the Book

Campo showcases a deep comprehension of pain, recounting his struggles with identity as a gay Cuban American man. He suggests that even with this hurt, there remains the possibility of hope and restoration.

Why You Should Read It

This book is a unique blend of art, poetry, and medicine. It’s a testament to how art and poetry can serve as therapeutic mediums, making it a unique addition to our list of doctor books for health.

3. The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales by Oliver Sacks

ImageIn this popular book, Oliver Sacks describes his encounters with patients afflicted with a variety of neurological disorders.

About the Book

Sacks does an excellent job of highlighting how disease can alter one’s perspective. He puts us “in the frame of mind” of the various patients he speaks to, offering a unique perspective on their conditions.

Why You Should Read It

Through his profound insights and narratives, Sacks helps readers understand the human side of medicine. His book is a remarkable exploration of the complexities of the human brain and the mysteries of the mind.

You can also try this product.👉 Doctor's Book

4. Open Heart: A Cardiac Surgeon’s Stories of Life and Death on the Operating Table by Stephen Westaby

About the Book

In this memoir of his career, Dr. Stephen Westaby outlines his struggles with communication, arguing that the best doctors are the most compassionate. He also draws fascinating connections between the acts of painting and surgery.

Why You Should Read It

This book offers a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a cardiac surgeon. It's a great read for anyone interested in the interdisciplinary nature of medicine and the critical role of compassion in patient care.

5. The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating by Elisabeth Tova Bailey

About the Book

In this memoir, Elisabeth Tova Bailey recounts her journey of survival and resilience in the face of a life-altering disease. Bailey's closest companion—a tiny snail she keeps near her bedside table—shows how impactful even the smallest things in life can be.

Why You Should Read It

This book offers a unique perspective on living with a chronic illness. It's a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of finding joy in the small things in life.6. Empty by Susan Burton

6. Empty by Susan Burton

About the Book

For almost thirty years, Susan Burton has struggled with binge eating and anorexia. In this heart-wrenching memoir, she lays out her experiences in learning to accept her disorder and seeking help.

Why You Should Read It

Burton's raw and honest account of her journey gives readers a firsthand look at the struggles of living with an eating disorder. It's a moving testament to the power of acceptance and recovery.

You can also try this product.👉Doctor's Book

7. Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande

About the Book

In this acclaimed book, Dr. Atul Gawande examines how medicine has often focused more on combatting illness rather than improving life. He argues that physicians should focus not just on avoiding death, but on providing a life of contentment and dignity.

Why You Should Read It

This book challenges traditional views on medicine and encourages readers to rethink the purpose and goals of healthcare. It's a powerful read for anyone interested in healthcare ethics and patient-centered care.

8. My Own Country: A Doctor’s Story by Abraham Verghese

About the Book

In this popular memoir, Dr. Abraham Verghese recounts his experiences working in a rural Tennessee community ravaged by the AIDS crisis.

Why You Should Read It

This book offers a heartbreaking yet hopeful look at the impact of the AIDS crisis on a small community. It's a powerful read that will reshape your definition of medicine.

9. Most of Me: Surviving My Medical Meltdown by Robyn Michele Levy

About the Book

In this humorous retelling of her journey with various illnesses, Robyn Levy catalogs her interactions with the medical system.

Why You Should Read It

Levy does an excellent job of emphasizing the various inequities present in healthcare. Her story is a testament to the power of humor and resilience in the face of adversity.

You can also try this product.👉Doctor's Book

10. Hundreds of Interlaced Fingers: A Kidney Doctor’s Search for A Perfect Match by Vanessa Grubbs

About the Book

In this memoir, Dr. Vanessa Grubbs recounts her journey as a potential kidney donor for her boyfriend. She explores the organ donation process and the inequities of the transplantation system.

Why You Should Read It

This book offers valuable insights into the world of organ donation. It's a must-read for anyone interested in transplantation medicine or the ethical issues surrounding organ donation.

Wrapping Up

These doctor books for health provide a wealth of knowledge and insights into the world of medicine. They delve into the complexities of various medical conditions, explore the intricacies of patient-doctor relationships, and shed light on the broader issues facing the healthcare system today. Whether you're a physician, a health professional, or simply a health enthusiast, these books are sure to be a welcome addition to your reading list.

You can also try this product.👇

Doctor's Book

Disclaimer

These articles have a link to the product that will allow me to receive a little commission.

[declaredmissing]

The Downfall of Elisabeth Holmes and the Desire to Change the World

The story of Elisabeth Holmes is a lesson in hubris and ambition. I’ve been thinking about this lately, after binge-watching the Hulu series of Elizabeth Holmes. She used to be a media darling, praised for being a leader of female empowerment. Cultural narratives valorized Holmes as a youngest female self-made billionaire, mesmerized by the strength of her conviction in herself and in Theranos. But her fraud was exposed, and she quickly fell from grace.

Her story is one of a brilliant, intelligent person driven by absolute entitlement and the audacity to believe in your own delusions. She represents the refusal to be wrong, a desire to preserve one’s world view at all costs.

There are some who explain Holmes as having good intentions gone wrong, but how do we measure a “good intention”?

Elisabeth repeatedly asserted that her dream was to change the world for the better. In a CBS article, she was nine years old when she wrote to her dad, "what I really want out of life is to discover something new, something that mankind didn't know was possible to do.” She added that she “grew up in a family of people who wanted to make a difference in the world”. Perhaps one’s natural response is to admire the ambition, but I stop and wonder at vagueness of her dreams. Such an emphasis on “difference” completely sidesteps the question of why we want to make a difference to start with.

The extent of her fraud – and the harm her defunct blood tests would have caused – was only a natural consequence of such lofty visions. She wanted to make a name for herself, and the applause for being perceived as a genius. The technology of Theranos was only the means, not the ends.

What makes it so difficult to acknowledge you made a mistake? What gets in the way of humility?

Some have speculated that her instinct to shut down doubt and criticism was because she tied her own sense of self to the company. No wonder then the stake was so great; no wonder it was so difficult for her to admit failure and her own limits. The fiction of her accomplishments was central to her very sense of self and identity. She may not have been the sociopath that the internet condemned her as, but I suspect that she was a person deeply unhappy with herself, who felt like she needed to go to such lengths to create such a persona. To admit she was wrong would be catastrophic for the grandiose myths she had built to protect her sense of self.

Her ambition to “revolutionalize healthcare” was unmoored from the impact of her actions. She cared more about the fiction she created than how her lies impacted the lives of people in reality.

Her dream was to be a visionary who “made a difference”, instead of creating technology that actually worked.

[lumiereandcogsworth]

The handmaid's tale!!

i kind of went off here so i’m leaving it under the cut sjdksj my bad

my favorite female character: absolutely june. she’s a bitch and i like her so much. she can do whatever she wants forever. she could pour soup on my lap and i’d probably apologize to her. ALL the john mulaney quotes sjdksk. SHES JUST SO COOL AND POWERFUL. FUCK. LOVE HER. special shout out to janine, moira, and rita though. i love those girlies too <333

my favorite male character: i mean. nick and luke are Literally the only two options here. okay no, commander lawrence kills me. lawrence is probably my favorite because he’s so entertaining. he’s AWFUL and i am not rooting for him but gosh he says the funniest shit. i’m gonna leave it there because nick and luke are complicated and i can’t DEAL with that love triangle. i have thoughts though i’ll say later.

my favorite book/season/etc: okay after looking over the seasons, i think season 3? i really do enjoy all of the seasons, which is rare for a show. it gets exponentially wilder and 4 & 5 are Great and i can’t wait to see how it ends with 6. but! 3 is just really cool. june’s at lawrence’s house and she’s planning mayday and the finale had me on the edge of my damn seat!!! and then it’s SUCH a happy ending!!! like it’s stressful for june’s sake but GOSH :”D gotta say 3

my favorite episode: i also binged this show pretty fast so it’s hard to pinpoint episodes for me. most all of the finales kicked ass for sure. that’s all i can really say here hskdjs

my favorite cast member: i don’t really know the cast members well!! i saw elisabeth moss (june) in invisible man (a horror movie but a GREAT one that’s more suspenseful than scary) and she’s great but like, i don’t really know any of them

my favorite ship: OKAYYYYYYY. i don’t REALLY have any ships. i am going to be honest, i do love june/luke! i shouldn’t have to be walking on eggshells about loving a married couple but! here we are!

look, i Understand that june has changed A LOT!!!!!!!! but 1. luke is SO patient with her, and he respects her and he is WITH her through this. when they’re in the car and they start making out because they bonded over the fact that they both want to kill serena?? yeah. exactly. and 2. they’re still best friends!! they’re still married!! i’m not saying they Have to stay married— my point is, they have a bond that runs deeper than the shit that went down while they were separated. i know she’s changed but her connection with luke has absolutely not changed.

which brings me to my next point. i GET why everyone ships june/nick. I DO TOO ! like!! THAT KISS SCENE ON THE BRIDGE!!! DAMN RIGHT I REPLAYED IT A COUPLE TIMES!!! i do think that june and nick have a very strong love connection !!! but i honestly don’t think they have endgame love. i really don’t. to quote rihanna, they found love in a hopeless place. like they were surviving! does that mean their love isn’t real? no!! it is!!! they do love each other!!!! i just don’t think the show is gonna end with them on a beach in hawaii with nichole eating the sand (that’s a reference i’m not just saying that randomly ajdks) between them!!! which is what everyone in the fandom wants. which is VALID. i just. like they ARE good and they do have VERY strong sexual chemistry but i just don’t think they’ve ever had like one normal conversation and for those reasons i’m out.

a character i’d die defending: luke AND nick. luke, for the ship stuff i said above. and nick because i have seen some people in the fandom say they don’t like him and i just don’t get that. he’s doing what he has to do to survive and it is incredibly clear he’s not happy about it. he’s trying to stay alive, to get free, to get to june and nichole, like. yeah he’s done awful things but i don’t blame him for it. he’s in a shitty ass situation and he’s found himself fortunate enough to make it to the top. it’s survival babes!

a character i just can’t sympathize with: aunt lydia! she has my name! :0 yeah gosh. i honestly liked her in the beginning and i STILL like her sometimes. like in her own twisted way i know she cares about her handmaids but like !!!! she cares about them in SUCH a twisted way that i’m like girlie… no… and season 5 was really interesting and i think she may be changing but i just. idk. she’s gonna have to do a lot in season 6 for me to get onboard, sympathy-wise.

a character i grew to love: rita! she’s so >_> in the beginning but as i learned more about her the more i was like 🥺💖 !!! also commander lawrence just because i could not figure him the FUCK out. which was and still is the point of his character but sjdksj yeah. he’s so chaotic i love him now (but i don’t agree with him. he’s just entertaining and intriguing.)

my anti-otp: i’m exhausted from my ship talk. i’m against any of the fucked up shit that i’m sure exists in the fandom with commanders x handmaids. i’ll just leave it at that.

[clarabowlover]

ATTENTION All You Doctor Who Fans

Happy Birthday To The One And Only Elisabeth Sladen (Born 1st February 1946)

(AKA Sarah Jane Smith)

Pics Sources: Listal.com & Bing Images

[theclockworkraker]

Rudolf, Wo Bist Du/Totenklage - Maki Ichiro, Yuichiro Yamaguchi

From the 2001 Toho production. I just want to point out how much I love Ichiro’s acting here. The majority of Elisabeths usually just run the usual gamut of crying and screaming in anguish in this scene, but Ichiro takes a slightly different approach. She bursts into Rudolf’s memorial where most of the court is already in session, pushing away the attendants who try to help her and when she starts to sing her lament, she acts as if she is transfixed in a state of mania, or even drunkenness. At certain points, she almost seems to be smiling, as if Rudolf’s death has caused her to go slightly insane. She’s so far gone that she misses Rudolf’s coffin and almost collapses and Franz has to lead her to the coffin. Around this part she does break down and cry before his coffin and expresses her sadness BUT at the end of her song where the lyrics go long the lines of “Now at last, you have finally attained the rest you sought”, her faces goes back to the wide-eyed, desperate, longing, manic, almost smiling expression at the beginning, as if she’s forcing herself to believe that Rudolf has indeed gone to a happier place and she just barely succeeds in her self-deception. I’m really surprised this kind of portrayal in this scene isn’t more common in other productions.

I also really love the staging where she enters alone into the scene where Franz and the rest of the court are already waiting, as if she had arrived late to the memorial. Not only does it highlights how isolated she is from the rest of the monarchy and from Franz, it also makes her seem all the more broken down and disorganized by Rudolf’s death that she ignores and flouts the etiquette and manners expected of her as Empress. Perhaps even hinting that she may have been drinking prior to this?? It just really adds so much.

In the later productions, Ichiro’s acting in this scene will be more subdued, but I prefer this version where she just goes all out as I think it’s really novel and really accentuates the tragedy of the situation.

[orlissa]

Kinda curious- I binge re-read (for like the 50th time) the Terrible Beautiful Unsaid Things series, and one detail sprang out at me- Aleksander always handles all the political stuff like laws and reforms, while Alina seems to be delegated to inconsequential things like the menu, or meeting the noble ladies for tea. Is this on purpose, or just something that happened?

Er... I'd say both.

Behind closed doors, they are equals, and her word means just as much as his. BUT:on the one hand, Alina is young, while Aleksander has hundreds of years of experience of politics and handling things--once they take the throne, it's basically a work-study thing for her. While on the other hand, looking at the historical framework (even if the fantasy setting is softening stuff up a bit), it's a patriarchal society, with different expectations for men and women, male and female heads of state. Queens (that is, queen consorts, although Alina is more of a co-ruler in this scenario) were historically expected to be icons, to handle charities, run the "household" (e.g. court life), while their husbands dealt with the more transparently political issue. But this doesn't mean that they are less important, or that they do not take part in politics at all--to use a real life example, Emperess Elisabeth (Sisi) was instrumental in bartering an agreement between Austria and Hungary. Think of it as soft power vs. hard power. There is a lot going on in salons and receiving rooms and such, and by being in those places, Alina is able to gain such an in Aleksander would have never been able to. (Also, just because we don't see it, it doesn't mean that Alina is completely absent from parliament meetings and such)

Plus there is a plot component as well: sometimes I need them to be busy seperately, so then they can meet up and talk about their individual stuff. This means that Aleksander might be tied up by dry paperwork, while Alina needs to handle busybody noble wife. Divide and conquer.