#and then he does 'aaand scene. good performance everyone'

[cloudyscollections]

you cant just leave me with that

JHSKDFHJKSDFJK ok reasonable.

ive seen your pokey x paul and i understand and support your dreams but unfortunately. i have a pokey ship that im attached to that is objectively Worse.

ok let me explain: i watched workin boys with my boyf when it dropped. after we watched npmd. and despite knowing nothing about what workin boys was gonna be going in, we both had the SAME ASSUMPTION:

we both assumed the Boys were pokey-possessed (im p sure on the livestream it just said they were ghosts???? or something??? i dont know)

AND we BOTH thought the twist was gonna be that ""Chad"" is POKEY

which COULD have really interesting lore implications. it could imply a couple interesting things! it could imply that stu, mark, steve, leighton, and hidgens were like. in a cult of some kind, that all worshipped pokey, and talked about him in code by calling him "chad".......or. the much funnier alternative. pokey is just a part of the workin boys polycule JHKSDLFHJKLSDFHJKL FOR NO REASON.

then that idea completely spiraled out of control and then we had brilliant ideas such as "pokey was jealous of the other boys taking all of hidgens attention so he smited him with the Foresight Beam to see what would happen" and "chad actually rejected hidgens when he asked him out so pokey apothosized chad and accepted for him bc he thought henry deserved it and then just dated him like normal and hidgens just doesnt notice that ""chad"" has bright blue eyes and likes singing a lot more than he used to"

we (me n my boyf) just love this dynamic for some reason,,,???? its gotten a little unhinged. pokey is just utterly obsessed with this man for no reason. he sees him as a kindred spirit. the Foresight Lightning Beam was supposed to be a gift but it can more closely be equated to a scientist zapping a mouse as positive reinforcement so they can watch what will happen. its how they knew and apothosized the corpses of greg and stu so fast (since we know know that at least stu IS probably the guy hidgens recognized as such in tgwdlm, since hes both played by corey; obv greg had to be recast but my point stands). pokey inadvertently helped create workin boys and thats how the hive knew the coreography and words in tgwdlm because they have been WAITING for an opportunity to sing and dance with their favorite boy!!!!!!

we were joking but it became Not A Joke so fast. ive drawn fanart.

so. pokey x hidgens is real to me. we call it pidgens :)

[yukipri]

So, I binged The Acolyte last night.

I had a mental block and couldn't get myself to start while it was coming out, and I also haven't touched any High Republic era media before which made me hesitant. But the spoilers/gifs/fanart etc I saw convinced me I should give it a try.

I'm not a huge fan of binging, I like sitting and thinking with each episode, so I expected to just watch an episode or two, give it a day or so, then continue if I liked it.

But, to my great surprise, once I started, I couldn't really stop (aaand stayed up till 7 AM, oops).

I think it had several things going for it:

-The acting was genuinely phenomenal. I feel like I would have felt completely differently about the show if different actors had been involved, and i mean that more strongly than I usually do. Their delivery in certain moments really sold me.

-It's not your usual Star Wars genre. I'd consider it mystery/suspense with a touch of horror, and it really does come together. Some of the characters are experience a more stereotypical Star Wars action/adventure story, but are jerked out of their genre at certain moments. It's pretty neat, and makes the twists fun and interesting (even if you were completely spoiled beforehand, like me lol)

-The costumes were gorgeous and unique.

-Some truly gorgeous cinematography, shots that have beautiful composition and lighting.

-It was rich in lore and references, some from Legends that I caught, many from the High Republic that I didn't catch but appreciated nonetheless. It felt deeply connected to the SW Universe.

-While cynical, the writing says things that I've thought about but never really thought Star Wars would have the guts to say. The writing is also Tight, meaning that little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later, and I appreciated that. There felt like very little waste.

-There are genuinely no "good" or "bad" guys. Every character makes mistakes or has horrible qualities, yet also positive ones. We see and understand motives, even if we don't agree with them, and see the fallout of those actions. This made almost everyone compelling. The narrative and writing gives the audience space to think.

Things that I wasn't as much a fan of:

-I felt like most of the sets felt kind of generic and Earth-like, especially in comparison to the rich costumes and alien characters.

-There are some fantastic fight scenes and emotional scenes, where the acting and cinematography was fantastic, but I wish the music had been a bit more memorable. I can't really recall any of it, and I feel like there were scenes that could have been truly iconic had the music resounded more with me.

Now, some more specific thoughts, SPOILERS below:

On Sol:

Sol is a character who, I believe in most cases, I would have absolutely despised. But holy shit, Lee Jung-jae. I am not exaggerating when I say that his performance is perhaps one of the best, if not THE best performances I've ever seen in live action Star Wars. He played this character so tenderly, so genuinely.

Despite being misguided, having made terrible decisions, and making mistakes that even he acknowledges, Sol himself always truly thought he was doing what was right, and loved Osha with his whole being even at the end, and it Shows. The way he looks at Osha was so sincere.

This is why I can't get myself to hate Sol as a character. It makes me feel so conflicted, like how can a guy with so much love and genuine desire to help and do good go so wrong? And that, I think, is one of the major points of the show, and Lee Jung-jae absolutely sells it. What a phenomenal actor. You could genuinely watch this show for him alone.

On Osha/Mae:

When the first info/promos for Acolyte came out and Amandla Stenberg was announced as the main character, I admit I was a bit confused. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I thought she couldn't act, but it's just that her face is so kind. She looks so warm (and gosh, she's so beautiful), but it made me go hmm, she looks like a Good Guy Protag, a Hero, so I was a bit confused as to how she was going to lead "the Acolyte," which from the title, I assumed she'd be Dark Side. Even with the early promo scenes of Mae fighting Indara, I wasn't really sold on her being "Dark."

And it turns out, that was exactly the point of the casting.

Amandla was perfect, and was brilliant at portraying two characters who not only have different and distinct personalities, but also both shift and change throughout the show. Mae never came off as "Dark" to me, because she isn't. Osha's not necessarily Light OR Dark, but she's independent. They are balanced, yet cycling, reminiscent of that little palm-to-palm circling ritual that the girls do. Amandla's portrayal of them was poetry, and made me so very invested in them.

I think if there's one thing I really wish the show had included more of, it's both Osha and Mae's pasts between their tragic separation and their reunion in the present. What was Osha's Padawan-ship actually like? I feel like the exact reason for the timing of her leaving the Order was ambiguous, and I wanted to know more. And was Mae with "the Master" the entire time?

I truly wish Osha could have heard the full story from Sol, because of his many crimes, ironically, killing her mother really was a genuine accident. There are things I wish he could have apologized to her for, or that she could have understood about him, such as how that night at the coven was largely driven by how Sol felt connected to her. This is one part where, while I get how the writers went this way, I do wish I could have felt more closure to their relationship.

I found it so tragic that Qimir erased Mae's memories and they had to be separated so soon after finally understanding each other. I really hope that if there's a season 2, they can be reunited.

On Qimir:

Preface by saying I was spoiled regarding his identity long before I started, by all those thirsty posts/tweets. And man, I GET IT.

But thirst magnet aside, I found him a genuinely fascinating character. For one thing, he's kind of an ironic character to *be* a Darksider. He seems so chill and laid-back, is honorable (or at least keeps his word), and despite his words about using emotions to harness energy, we don't really see him passionately mad/anything really. In contrast, the Jedi we see around him are furious, scared, sad. It's interesting that he almost seems more calm, but not necessarily because he's trying: he just doesn't care.

Manny Jacinto's portrayal of the character made him so damn Likable. Which, is pretty hard to reconcile with the fact that I genuinely liked Jecki and Yord, but a lot of his lines make me just go, y'know he's got a point. Like the whole, "She was a child," "You brought her here." Like yeah. Honestly, fair. His little quips, the delivery, the I'm-just-a-chill-dude attitude, actually keeps his word, and on the flip side, undeniable ruthless skill and viciousness that took down a whole team of Jedi single-handedly. It's a very BRRRRRR combo.

In general, I don't really get too attached to "Dark Side" characters, and don't really have a favorite Sith. Or at least, I didn't, but I think Qimir (or whatever his actually name is) might claim that spot now. Truly peak character, I truly hope we get to see more with him.

And this is kind of an aside, but can I just say, it felt unreal to have entire fight sequences focussing on just two Asian actors, with the other protagonist we see a black girl, for huge chunks of the show? No white people except comparatively brief side characters? In a Star Wars show?!?? All of them unique and well fleshed out and phenomenally written and acted?? None of it felt like "forced diversity," it's all so natural, that when I step back and thought about it in these terms it just...again, feels unreal. I'm so grateful for these characters, and hope we get more like them.

On Jecki and Yord:

Honestly given what I saw about Yord before hand, I was expecting him to be far more annoying than he was. Sure, he was a little stiff, but he felt like a young Jedi Knight who was trying to prove himself and do his best, and I think he very clearly did care for Osha.

Jecki, gosh I loved her. She felt very similar to Ahsoka, if a bit more by the book. She was very wise for her youth. I loved the budding friendship between her and Osha, how they helped each other and weren't jealous.

The thing about both of these characters, which I think the writers did so well, is that they felt like protagonists. In another story, they would have been the main characters, the heroes. Both of them were so young, so early in their training/careers. They could have become Obi-Wans, Ahsokas. Jecki especially was bursting with so much potential.

But alas, this was not that story. It makes it that much shocking when their lives are cut so abruptly short. We were given time to get to know these characters, to care for them, and then without much fanfare, boom. Gone.

On one hand, I sorta Hate That. On the other, I deeply respect the writers for going there, because I think it did have an Impact on the story and show.

On the Witches/Mother Aniseya:

Admittedly I was a little ehhhhh on some of the world-building regarding the witches, just the use of the words "witch" and "coven" and some of the chanting with gasping cackling women etc felt a bit caricature. I do get that they wanted us to have a vibe for this group and to get one with limited screentime, and sometimes stereotypes are the way to do that. I didn't love it, but also didn't mind it too much.

I actually really loved Mother Aniseya. For one thing, the actress is Gorgeous, her costume stunning, and she really sold the whole otherworldly ethereal immortal goddess vibe well, in a way that still felt Star Wars. For the other, I liked how she was the soft, empathetic one, it kinda contrasted with expectation of her position.

I also loved Mother Koril, and how again, she was designed as a character foil to Mother Aniseya. I love how we didn't see too much of them, but could still see that they were partners who loved and respected each other (I hesitate to say "wives," because I feel like their society may not exactly have the same concept of marriage, but partners was undeniable). I think it was a neat Oh moment when they stated that Mother Koril is the one who carried the twins. Love them.

I know I'll have more thoughts, but yeah, to sum it up, I enjoyed Acolyte a ton more than I thought i would, and am so glad I gave it a chance.

Other things:

-Mentioned earlier that I love "little moments of character interactions bring up things that will be necessary/helpful to the plot later." Some actual examples of this: When we see Sol noticing Osha's tattoo and Osha saying he must hate it, which in the moment, shows the kind of guardian-student relationship they have, and how little seems to have changed for them in the time they've been a part. Later, it's shown to clearly identify Osha after Mae steals her clothes. Another is the rolly polly moth things, which at first seem just like a way to show This Forest Dangerous, but then are a plot point to temporarily escape from Qimir, and later on, to show Vernestra's connection to the Force (and also her light whip). Stuff like that, I really like.

-I so appreciated Qimir's Cortosis helmet. For one thing, it's neat that it's not just cool-looking or a disguise, but actually is Force-blocking. I think an official SW account factoid said that this is also how beskar works, though beskar is stronger. The two effects this has: when the user is wearing it, they're forced to confront what's inside of them. The other, is that it hides the wearer's identity from Force users who would otherwise recognize them. The latter is my personal headcanon for beskar helmets, so it's very gratifying to see it in canon! The former has some interesting implications for Force-users who wear beskar.

-The cynical view of the Jedi Order as an Institution, and all the politics, corruption, and obscuring of dirt that that entails. Admittedly this may be because of my own increasingly cynical perspective on the Order, but it felt honest and I agreed with most of it. The fact that individuals are trying their best to do "good" does not negate the fact that they are pretty much acting as Space Cops. This line by Senator Rayencourt felt especially raw:

"I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. [] Your emotions."

Framed as a religion having unchecked power—that feels uncomfortably realistic! And also zeroing in on how for all their power, the Jedi are still people, and just as fallible (and therefore, must necessarily be held just as accountable).

Also:

I can see how this portrayal of the Jedi may make some folks uncomfortable, especially if you love the Jedi, but I long hold that the Jedi as an organization are deeply flawed. It's part of why I personally like the "fall of the Republic" era; both the Galactic Republic and Jedi Order have deep, fatal flaws, and this is an era where that all comes to a head—one where they must fall, or fix themselves.

So in conclusion, my favorite parts: the characters, and the moral grayness of almost everyone. Many stories may claim there's no good/evil dichotomy, but few ever truly show it, but this one did.

I'm not sure yet if I want to "fandom" over this or if I'm pretty satisfied with having just watched it, but it was definitely worth the watch and I'm glad I gave it a try!

~~

~~

I also kept a lil document of live reaction notes as I was watching, which I'll copy below:

Episode 1

UEDA?? The planet is just, UEDA?? A pretty common Japanese surname?? That's like. Naming a planet Johnson or somethin...

Loving the costumes 'n set

Oh wait I recognize this scene, it's the one they played as a preview at the AMC Star Wars marathon

Idk how to feel about the Space Generic T-Shirt

Ooh Neimoidians (thank you for no horrendously exaggerated Evil Japanese Accent TM), and interesting Jedi ship shape

Oh interesting interesting they intentionally paralleling TPM eh

Hrmn not a positive first impression of Master Vernestra, her lines are so mechanical

Very cool pilot chair droids and tentacle alien

Osha says practice vehicle safety and wear seatbelts and protect your head!

Oh Osha has Trauma I see. Girl ain't getting good sleep

Oh wow Sol Loves Osha, oh no is this going to lead to Padawan Jealousy Trauma between Osha and Jecki. How much are we heavily paralleling TPM here

Kill the dream eh?

Episode 2

Oh there are multiple Jedi temples, that's nice

Jedi Temple using same security system as Jabba is...uh

Mae tips, good for her

Master Torbin just sittin' there, lookin like some random youtuber. why tabi socks

Man I dig Mae's patchwork cloak with massive princess hood.

It's pronounced KAI-meer??? My Chinese ass thought it was Chee-mir

Barash Vow

Ohhh so Mae doesn't know that Qimir...? (was spoiled)

Episode 3

ooh i like the fairy clione things

Ohhh village all women??

Mother Aniseya is stunning

Oh she and Koril blatantly lesbian, fantastic

Oh gosh the Jedi are NOT looking good here. They don't have the right to train children?? WTF

You must let the children take the test?? And if they pass the Jedi will take them away??? That does NOT sound very consensual!!

Oh gosh, selling "you are special" to a child, after separating her from her community...

Really feel like "how does taking a child away affect their community" should be factored into jedi stuff

Mae that is...sudden and violent wtf

Kinda not trusting Sol here

Episode 4

Wow Kelnacca looks...mentally stable

Ohhh Qimir's ship? Looks suspiciously Kylo Ren-ish

Qimir really suspicious eh

Oh wow not using the Force or anything, just using a sniffy guy

They're really doing a Fellowship of the Ring walk huh

Look I absolutely adore Mae's long gorgeous cloak but that is going to drag half the forest floor with her

Not liking those tree bulbs. looks spider eggy

Osha don't Touch the Thing, that's such a Pippin move

oh no, not spider eggs...rolly polly moth vampire thing

Really enjoying Osha and Jecki's friendship, I'm so glad it's not former Padawan jealousy

Oh, Mae, oh no....knowing spoilers...oh...

The red lightsaber igniting next to Osha's head...dang what fantastic composition

The lil hand twitch and head snap. I Get It.

I remember when "Darth Teeth" was trending

And wow that's a Cliffhanger

Episode 5

Oh no Osha knocked out that doesn't bode well

How many against one is that damn

The double spear through then hidden head lop...wow

holy shit booma-saber

Oooooh the cut treeeeees damn

all that death before even the opening title

Honestly GO JECKI, that's very impressive, her win against Mae AND double saber against Darth Teeth, Anakin level spinning and drama

Holy shit Jecki's death was brutal...

She was a child - You brought her here - FAIR

Why risk discovery - I did wear a mask LMAO

Damn did he just casually break Mae's leg

I don't make the rules - the Jedi do

The Jedi say I can't exist...wow

Holy shit Yord's death

Damn full on brawl

I've accepted my darkness, what have you done with yours

Damn really yeeted Qimir from the fight by sticking a light on his back

Pip tho ;_; killin droids feels like killin pets...

They've turned you against me - really Anakin quotin

Wow Sol, not even going to see Jecki????

And wtf how can Sol not tell that Mae's switched them??? Has fandom been grossly misunderstanding how the Jedi use the Force....how the fuck can any Jedi tell apart any clones eh...

While not exactly subtle, I appreciate how lil details in character interactions have had pay offs. Like the tree bugs and Osha's tattoo being a way to identify her

Episode 6

He really just makin a hot pot

his lair kinda looks like sequels Luke's island

Not sure how I feel about the elephant rock bird things

Honestly glad we get to see Sol upset and affected by everyone's deaths. Might explain part of why he can't tell apart the twins?

Oh he's really wearing hakama hakama

Wow Qimir really just getting in buck naked eh. Is this the scene that Manny froze his balls off for

His line about it being fine in a fight but vengeance a few hours later

Oh he brought a change of clothes

Damn the Jedi are taught "it fades"???

Aww Osha, u aren't tempted by the soup??

Oh wow we revisiting bodies, that feels...u usual for SW. Oh there's a Kel Dor... (why are there no flies buzzing yet. or are there no flies yet)

Mae wakes up so peacefully compared to Osha

Oooh sensory deprivation mask, all dark, nothing but breathing, evocative of Darth Vader even if breathing is not similar

Episode 7

Vergence....iiiiinteresting

Sol, stalking lil kids is creepy af

Oh my god you're just gonna break in???

See - You cannot deny the Jedi have a right to test potential Padawans - Why the fuck not???? You don't have the right to stalk, spy on, break into random people's homes, and talk directly to their children without permission from guardians??

Guh Sol....

Interrogation after isolation from guardians....

Oh, the Jedi Council is right for once??

Do not alter this little girl's destiny because you have formed an emotional attachment to her

Gosh I thought Indara was the most innocent in this buuuuut

Episode 8

I'm surprised they never added Darth Teeth's mask to the front credits

"See you in hell" Oh I know Han mentioned Hell like once but I thought they were avoiding mentioning it in newer media

Holy shit Rayencourt: I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion, a delusional cult that claims to claim the uncontrollable. - Kinda uncomfortably real!!

-We don't control the Force - no, your emotions - OOF

I didn't realize till this ep how the cool Brendok eclipse got that line, it's the comet ring. super neat

oof Mae climbing out of the scene of Trauma...

Oh that is some Wu Xia shit

"I will destroy you if i must" really??

Nice dagger saber

Okay Sol that is Cool

oh gosh, the plot-relevant inversion of clothes resulting in it reflecting how they swapped light/dark is SO cool

very yin yang fighting

Damn it keeps coming down to the unarmed opponent thing

Damn, Mae going the justice route

Damn, just Damn

Gosh the thing about Sol is that he is SO well acted, so sincere in his love and devotion, it's hard to hate him

I'm glad the helmets block the Force identity like that tho, fits headcanon

Glad Basil continues to shine

Oh no. Vernestra...I thought you were doing the right thing revealing the truth, but instead you're continuing the cycle of covering up crimes

Oh...use Mae to find Vernestra's former Padawan...that's a cycle alright

And ends with Yoda okay

[fujunfuren]

It was a slowburn for sure.

His friend!! Meanwhile it's fun to see his smiley face because of discovering the tension btw these two, I'm a lil bit sad about what he said after selling his car. Hope it won't get any deeper. I like their friendship, I need them to stay as one.

Yeah... there is a spark in his life. I'm slowly wondering what Dong Jin would look like when he is happy. I'm so used to see them serious or sad.

"don't like me" thing wasn't annoying! She regrets about her previous actions and is stressed about her new positive feelings building up for him. I like that these are the factors of her mixed actions! She puts a distance as well as does things in his favor. I can't find a proper way to explain it now but like... the confusion in the episodes were understandable for me. And yes it was also fun to watch Dong Jin reactions. Idk maybe I'm convinced well that this time it didn't annoy me seeing a main couple avoiding each other. Kdrama writers have a shitty timing preference for this type of situations.

the number of side characters/plots and episodes concern me. I don't want this drama to end up like Cheer Up. I genuinely hated to see all potentials getting wasted. I'm praying hard for a possibility that the writer(s) thought thoroughly about the direction of the scenario.

Coming to my experience with this week's episodes...

His ex's past and (seems like our permanent villain) old boss took a bit of space in this week's episodes meanwhile the main characters were busy with putting a distance.

Ex's past wasn't a waste of time, surprisingly. I liked and understood the reason perfectly since the drama did a great job showing how annoying and tiring Dong Jin's mom is for everyone. Dong Jin wanting to give more time for his gf for her sake and Minyoung misunderstanding this as reluctance on taking a step further... understandable.

Ending of ep7: her realization of her feelings. PERFECT. For her part, I loved the confusion and the long talk. Additionally, I loved Sung Joon's eyes in that scene. He delivered well and it was shot well. Those eyes were pretty! (Alexa, play 예뻤어)

Ending of ep8: his acceptance of his feelings. PERFECT. one "어" and lots of feelings on that face. I also liked his talk before this moment.

And it is cute that both characters lived that moment while they were alone with their close friends.

Ms. Baek!! She keeps getting my attention. I liked her small scene with Dong Jin. (Also remember how she got soft towards Woo Joo at one point?)

There are small plots winking at us. Woo Joo's sister takes some pills?.. Dongjin promised to go to camping (and we all saw that picture but unfortunately didn't see the SCENE yet)... Woo Joo's mom getting mentioned pretty often... Jun's confusing acting performances?.. (does he really act? which statements are he actually serious about?) There are some uninteresting ones, too. Like the old boss's revenge. I thought and hoped he would stop at one point but he's racing for the main villain role... Aaand I don't think we would have a fun time with Woo Joo's dead father's will? The less I see that woman, the better.

Hope there would be many good/fun things to mention next week!

frienddddddd the way you go off with all the detailssss i could neverrrr!!!!!

like you said, I too feel the main couple "avoiding" each other is very apt in this storyline. It's the way they wanna put distance but keep doing things against it like how woojoo sewed his button and told him she want to do it so dont stop her or lock the door aasdjkjfd. It doesn't feel frustrating or draggy yet (I just dont want it leaning that way soon >.<).

Yesss I really want to see more of the other characters mainly her sister and jun. There's a lot to explore so I hope they dont make the side characters get drowned unnecessarily. and i also picked that up about haesung supposedly taking pills???? 👀👀

everytime they show flashbacks I get more intrigued. I would think dongjin already talked to minyoung about his mom and how he's brought up. From the flashbacks, dongjin seemed to be quite emotionally stable despite his own baggage when he was with minyoung. It's understandable that minyoung would feel that him delaying to meet the parents as reluctance for the next step but the fact that she cheated for a year still doesnt sit right with me. Although, there might be possibilities that she fake cheated cos she didnt get married anyways and stayed in US alone.

OMG yes ms baek seems to be such a sweet person and she was also very accepting of woojoo when she joined because she can do her job. I like that she's always supportive and professional in a very subtle way.

i hope the mum rot in jail or somewhere and never bother anyone again like goshhhhhh. and his ex boss...in the next ep teaser he seems to be wanting to assault minyoung w a rock? like bruhhhhhhhh

im looking forward to the revival of best fairs after all they went through!

Have a great week ahead! cant wait for wednesdayyyy

[period-dramallama]

Spanish Princess Episode 5: many many thoughts

Strap yo selves in 

-WHERE WAS THE APOLOGY?? Lina’s just back with Catherine like nothing happened?? 

-Katherine, I get why you’re upset, but you kind of should be unsurprised?? Your dad was unfaithful to his wife, most kings were. Henry VII and Richard III were the exceptions, and even they had illegitimate sons before their marriages. Many kings also had official mistresses that everyone knew about, so by the standards of the time Henry and Bessie are actually being pretty tactful in at least trying to keep their affair out of sight. (Sexy dancing aside). 

-Honestly it would have been so much more moving if KoA was like “I know kings take mistresses...but I thought...I was so sure... he would be different...”

-”they gave me a purse of gold!” It’s expected that you give the monarch lavish presents, lmao Ursula and Stafford would do that even if they hated each other and you

-”everybody loves a masque” the only sensible thing Henry has said so far in this show. Also court probably had way more masques than we see in the show, and it would standard to have a masque every holiday. 

-”she is not a boy” hurry up with your character development and learn to love Mary already i am so TIRED of this miserable BS

-seems a rather depopulated masque? If the Chateau Vert pageant is anything to go by putting on a masque was a court activity, with most of the ladies performing.  

-Bessie Blount in her cute masque costume... sweet mother i cannot weave Aphrodite has overcome me with GAAAAAAAAAAAAY

-”I never enjoyed carousing...my mother scolded me” look i love the Neville sisters with my whole heart but a) Margaret was 3 at most when her mother died, how does she remember her? She’d have clearer memories of her double-uncle and double-aunt, Richard III and Queen Anne b) Isabel Neville in the White Queen was established as very prim and proper, a well-bred girl who cared about enforcing decorum, she refused to ‘carouse’ and she certainly would never bring a 3 year old to a party c) we saw little Margaret as a girl at the end of the White Queen and she didn’t seem at all shy. 

-”she died young, didn’t she” ...yes? most people did?

-”they both did” understatement of the year. Isabel Neville died young because she was ill, George died young (in the universe of The White Queen, at least) BECAUSE HE WAS FORCEFULLY DROWNED IN A VAT OF MALMSEY WINE. THESE TWO THINGS ARE NOT THE SAME! I do at least trust the writers of this show that the understatement was intentional, I’m sure even Emma Frost couldn’t forget a major character getting violently drowned.

-So the court only noticed the plague when one of their own got it so obviously and then died? Yes, plague could move fast, but if there was a whiff of plague the court would flee with the speed of the Looney Tunes road runner. If an acquaintance of an acquaintance of a cook had a cousin who saw someone with the plague, the court would flee to the country. How have these people not died of terminal stupid?! Like Compton was in the same building as the heir to the throne

-To be fair, it makes sense that they’re surprised Compton’s dead. Because the real Compton died of the sweating sickness. In 1528. Also he was involved in Buckingham’s downfall so... you just wrote yourself into a corner.

-Oh wow an actual good reason for More and Pole to be quarantined together i am amaaaaaazed

-”attend the queen” Boleyn, what do you think your daughter’s been doing all season if not attending the queen? Playing tetris?

-Katherine helping Anne into the wagon...I actually like that little moment. Like it does make sense, because the two have no reason to hate each other yet. (And who couldn’t like Anne? She’s such a babby!)

-Thomas More in the Tudor equivalent of casual clothes... much better. Shame about the 1930s lady’s wig.

-”what else should we do?” Maggie, this cannot be the first epidemic you’ve ever lived through. Have you forgotten the sweating sickness of 1485? You’ve probably lived through more epidemics than Oviedo has, you should know the protocol better than him.

-Oviedo continues to be the only man with rights. I wish we could see him crying and missing his wife and babies, but then my lil heart would break so maybe it’s for the best.

-They burn Maggie’s weird blue hood AS THEY SHOULD! IT WAS UGLY AND STUPID! I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT IT AGAIN NOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH! yes they also burned her nice dress with the strawberries on it but honestly it’s worth it, bc now i can rest easy, knowing the evil hood has been defeated.

-”you were a plaything” Katherine is so obviously insecure. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment. Like if she really was certain Bessie wasn’t important, she wouldn’t need to say it, would she? Except to rub it in. Which this KOA would absolutely do. 

-literally all Bessie said was good morning?? Like Bessie is doing her best?? The masque was Henry’s idea, not hers, she hasn’t shown off about her affair, she hasn’t demanded money or titles, she hasn’t demanded any status to rival Katherine’s, she doesn’t flirt with or even speak to Henry when Katherine’s around, she acts like they’re strangers, she doesn’t even react when Katherine loses her temper...someone please please stick up for Bessie!

-”the rocking of the cart is unsettling to the stomach” is Anne naive, or is she covering for Bessie? I hope it’s the latter, in which case Anne is the one person looking out for Bessie...the babby is Soft, I repeat the babby is Soft!

-the irony of Mary being cold to Bessie when she’s next in the firing line...

-”it is not the rocking” Thank you Lina, where would we be without your gift for stating the obvious?

-”where did Wolsey get his money”...He’s a churchman...at the top of the church hierarchy...how do you fuckin think he got wealthy. Have y’all not been in the sixteenth century for five minutes? Why do you think Luther is so mad at the church?

-”I know of no other man in her bed most nights” Honestly wow I’m surprised KoA wasn’t like “well :/ a girl like that :/ who knows how many men process in and out of her bed :/” KoA gets half a point for being less bitchy than usual. Also Bessie looked so uncomfortable with Henry groping her stomach in front of Katherine. I pray the next man in her life treats her right and that Fraham don’t prematurely kill her off like they did with Compton.  

-”the future king” if you’re regent on his behalf, then he’s already king! “Civilised companionship” back at it again with the Scots-are-barbarians.

-Laura Carmichael is utterly stunning this episode, with her hair down. The cinematography was beautiful in general this week.

-”freedom to speak and licence to speak are two different things” hey look at that one of Thomas More’s actual beliefs. I am giving all the credit to the historical advisor for that, I don’t believe for one second Fraham knew that beforehand.

-Maggie I love you but no, God does not sanction adultery. For any reason. 

-KOA smirking and gloating about Bessie’s pain...she has never been so punchable. I would understand, if not condone it, if Bessie was manipulative, or greedy, or ambitious, or trying to supplant Katherine. But Bessie’s been betrayed by Henry too, and there’s no concrete evidence she ever gloated about her affair, to anyone let alone Katherine.  

-”You think only of your own fate while London is struck down with plague” Earth to Katherine?? What concern have you shown for the Londoners?? Also calling Bessie selfish...Bessie’s not the one who lashed out at Lina, was jealous at Lina for having twin boys, and who wanted to continue a war for personal reasons. And then Bessie proves KoA wrong 5 hot seconds later by sticking up for Mary. Bit rich of KoA to be all “how dare you leave my daughter unattended” when she herself won’t even hold Mary. 

-”Louis didn’t last a year” What! Is! The Timeline!

-Meg in that cloak reminds me of the Scottish Widow adverts. Georgie is so greedy- she steals every single scene she is in! Even when she’s raging she has more dignity and more presence than KoA ever has.

-”YOU LYING SOD” i burst out laughing it’s really not the little two-timing shit’s day, is it?

-Mary receiving Charlie B in the most Extra way possible. A++

-Why does Wolsey look like he’s about to cry?

-”thoughts are not actions” Lina I love you but... that is NOT what the New Testament says. Jesus said evil thoughts are very very much sins. I’ll give you a pass because maybe you haven’t been Catholic as long as Katherine has? Idk your backstory.

-Aaand now she’s wishing death on Bessie and her unborn baby and Lina isn’t disgusted? At least Katherine is feeling guilty. AS SHE SHOULD.

-”must it always fall to me to be magnanimous?” Katherine, you think only of yourself, for 23 out of every 24 hours. 

-”God wants me to be compassionate to Bessie because of my sins” God wants you to be compassionate because that’s how Christianity is supposed to work. It’s not very selfless of you to decide to be selfless so that you can get what you want. 

-oh wow look at that! She’s getting some self-awareness, i never saw that coming.

-”you betrayed Bessie” 5 points to Katherine of Aragon for standing up for Bessie when Henry screwed her over. Finally, some positive character development.

- MINUS 20000 POINTS FOR BABY STEALING

-WHAT THE FUCK

-is henry so dumb he thinks that baby is Katherine’s? Katherine was so obviously not pregnant

-When a baby’s born his skin needs to touch his mother’s skin so they can bond. They should have at least an hour’s cuddle time. Katherine of Aragon is literally traumatising a baby the very minute he is born. For her own selfish, selfish desires. 

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 1

Here are my extremely unfashionably late takes! They’re long, so strap in if you want.

okay, I genuinely thought the scenes in Gumb’s basement were ripped from the film for a second. extremely well done.

I both appreciate that they’re acknowledging the Bureau-mandated psych eval Clarice would have to go through (not sure she’d have to have another one a year later?)...

...but I sure wish they hadn’t chosen to open this show in a therapy-like session. it’s going to be subject to enough NBC comparisons as it is.

gosh, Rebecca Breeds is so pretty, and in the same almost, idk, elfin kind of way Jodie Foster is.

“Bride of Frankenstein”! a novel reference! and a Hannibal Lecter reference even though they can’t use his name! I’m excited

I was afraid of this part, though--everyone’s going to call her “Clarice” aren’t they?

it’s very significant that in the books, Hannibal is virtually alone in using her first name to address her; even Ardelia calls her “Starling.” but of course this series chose “Clarice” as its title, so...

“the checkout lady at the Safeway asked me to autograph a melon” omg

so Clarice has supposedly been “mandated” to see an FBI therapist for an entire year? hmm.

tbh, this feels kind of like a proxy for Hannibal’s scenes in the movie, especially with the therapist calling her “Clarice.” not sure if I dig it.

“...given that your last therapist was an inmate” Hannibal reference #2!

they’re explicitly talking about Hannibal without being able to name him and it’s hilarious, frustrating, and immensely satisfying all at once.

there’s no way to avoid talking about him altogether without being disingenuous to Clarice’s eventual character arc, so I’m glad they’re ripping off the band-aid early

“you let that relationship be intimate”  Yeah, Clarice and Hannibal’s relationship IS intimate and YOU! SHOULD! SAY IT!!!

it’s kind of ridiculous for this guy/the show not to acknowledge that little trainee Clarice was sent to see Hannibal by someone who should’ve known better. That Crawford was doing it with the intention to save lives doesn’t mean he didn’t use the shit out of Clarice.

that’s not to take away her agency or minimize the choices she made after she met Hannibal. She wouldn’t have been in a position to make those choices if Crawford hadn’t arranged it, though.

even if they don’t have the rights to Crawford’s name, either (I have to assume that’s the case) couldn’t they at least mention this??

“hasn’t seen her own family in years” Are they actually going to address Clarice’s maybe-dead-maybe-not mother (depending on the canon they adopt, book or film) and possible siblings??? Please tell me they are!

Clarice’s “egregious” PTSD doesn’t have much to do with Buffalo Bill ofc, and this therapist seems to be making excuses to be the first in a long line of men getting in the way of Clarice’s career goals...

...which she recognizes and confronts him about. Call him out!!!

*Anthony Hopkins voice* That’s my girl.

the way she’s been written in this scene gives me a lot of hope going forward! she’s funny, she doesn’t take any sexist bullshit, she’s calm and polite but you get a glimpse of the rage underneath. 

wow, they promoted Senator Martin to Attorney General!

the opening credits (if you can even call them that) are a let-down, though

she has her beads!

can anyone who’s not Hannibal please stop calling her Clarice

wonder if they’re going to touch on any of the extreme tension that existed between Senator Martin and Clarice in the novel? they didn’t interact in the movie, but in the book, Martin is under intense stress, and it doesn’t go smoothly.

of course in “Hannibal,” Martin invites her to “ride horses,” so they obviously reconciled after Catherine’s rescue and kept in some kind of touch.

and speak of the devil: horses! (and Catherine)

“I can’t have a reputation, I’ve only done it once” Thank you for being the voice of reason, Clarice.

“Paul Krendler” *ugly screaming commences*

“you don’t have any people, Clarice” Aaand that’s the plot of the Hannibal novel!

looks like they even gave her the ring Jodie’s Clarice wears!

oh yeah, this Krendler looks like a sumbitch if I ever saw one. No one will ever be as perfectly cast as the dude in Silence imo, but a much better fit than Ray Liotta. 

“small carat, but it’s a sweet ring” A very in-character observation probably directly informed by her comments about nail polish in Silence.

she mentions this victim’s nail polish (!) being “tasteful,” and I shrieked a little again.

I understand it’s necessary for Krendler to be a douche, but there’s not even going to be any payoff for the audience (or Clarice) when Hannibal eats him, so boo.

wait...wait, why aren’t Clarice and Ardelia in their Alexandria duplex? They’re not just best friends, they’re roommates! For the entire seven-year story! GIVE ME THE DUPLEX!!!

BUT points for Ardelia bringing Clarice a treat, since she was always leaving her candy bars in the Silence book!

Clarice interacting with the washer/dryer is a nice nod to the books, too.

speaking of... “What did we learn in the laundry room back at Quantico?” For some reason this line made me actually cry, I guess because this whole episode has been such a love letter to something I love so dearly, and it’s making me emotional.

FIRST PRINCIPLES!

DESPERATELY RANDOM!!!

wow, the men in Clarice’s new office giving her lotion as a hazing “welcome” gift is awful, and now I’m just mad (which is the point of the scene ofc).

so this ex-military OC is the John Brigham stand-in, I take it?

if that means John Brigham won’t be here, No Thanks.

Clarice telling him she’ll drive...a tribute to Dana “Why Do You Always Have to Drive?” Scully, perhaps (who was herself inspired by Clarice) as well as a nod to Clarice’s love of cars?

“Why do they call you the bride of Frankenstein?” Sorry, I don’t have the legal rights to tell you about my last intimate relationship.

“Already on my way to West Virginia Granny Witch” Look, this show could crash and burn from this scene on, and it would still have been worth it just for these first 25 minutes.

I like that Clarice is shown wanting to help people, and the scene of her with the baby is a nice call-back to the eventual shoot-out at the beginning of “Hannibal”...but I hope they don’t try to domesticate her too much. Clarice needs her hard edges. To be tough (reasonably so)--a cub growing into its big cat’s claws.

also, somehow I doubt that Miss Valedictorian spent her six years in the Lutheran home “changing a lot of diapers,” but sure, okay. If her siblings are alive in this, she might have changed their diapers!

even though Krendler’s a real dickwad so far, he’s not slimy enough for me. Needs more grease.

“I got a call from your therapist who’s concerned that you might genuinely flip out” I really do not like this subplot Sam-I-Am. Aren’t the huge glass ceiling/Boys’ Club obstacles enough?

seriously, though, I know Hannibal tells her that the metaphorical lambs will come back--at the end of Silence, though, she’s at some kind of temporary peace, not in danger of “flipping out” any time soon.

if Esquivel really is our Brigham stand-in, I’ve got...problems with that. He was Clarice’s teacher and became her friend, not some Krendler double-agent. (Also worried they’re setting him up as a love interest for her which...eesh, no thanks.)

and sorry, I actually hate that Catherine kept Precious the dog in this.

I have no problem with Catherine being a character, or with her interacting with Clarice...that said, I don’t know if her being shown as severely traumatized and reaching out to Clarice as a form of emotional lifeline is...a good idea?

I understand the symbolism of Catherine’s smashed mirror, but...smashed mirrors are already a Thing in this series (albeit not Clarice’s chapter in it), and that’s all I can think of here.

Catherine’s a victim of unthinkable trauma. Nevertheless...she’s talking to the woman who saved her life. Who risked death to do it. I just don’t like the way this scene is written. Apparently, in this show’s canon, Catherine hasn’t gotten the help she needs. But Clarice isn’t her therapist, and it’s upsetting to have Catherine being all “I’ll never be safe and neither will you.”

how does Catherine remember “the mannequins, the autopsy table”?? And why is she throwing them in Clarice’s face?

I’m going to stop talking about this scene now because it’s making me angry and a little upset, which is maybe the point? I just don’t think it’s written well. If Catherine’s going to be a recurring character, I hope she’s shown getting professional, medical help.

Clarice finding the victim’s papers in the box of pads is a direct callback to her finding the photos in the jewelry box in Silence. Nice.

let’s agree that Hannibal and Crawford are both in Ardelia’s (too-cutesy-for-me) book

another nice little X-Files homage?

I have some qualms about that big climax, but...meh. It was capital-F Fine.

Yikes, this is a full week late. Thanks for reading this entirely-too-long post through to the end, if you’re still here! 

To sum up my thoughts...

The Good: 

the visual connections to the Silence film (that green coat/blue knit scarf combo in particular)

Rebecca Breeds’ performance overall so far

Clarice’s strong writing/characterization

her sense of humor and her inclination to call out bullshit

maybe it was just me, but I also got a sense of Hannibal’s influence on her in some of her dialogue--her blunt observations--and I love it

Ardelia Mapp

the repeated in-your-face references to Hannibal Lecter

the respectful, non-exploitative way the victims were treated by the narrative.

let’s just say, not all Harris-inspired shows managed to do this. :)

the many, many allusions to the novel

“you let that relationship be INTIMATE” !!!

The Bad: 

the near-constant implication that all Clarice’s trauma stems from her experiences in Gumb’s basement

I just don’t understand this one...it’s not supported by the text imo

the “Clarice-is-a-psychological-loose-canon” subplot

almost everyone calling her “Clarice”

NO DUPLEX IN ALEXANDRIA! Boo!

Esquivel maybe replacing Brigham

the narrative choices they’ve made surrounding Catherine so far.

Seriously: please let Catherine seek/get help instead of screaming “HELP ME” at Clarice, who after all risked her own life to save Catherine’s, over the phone.

The Ugly: Paul Krendler, lol. Confession time: I also don’t care for the way they’ve styled her hair. Not sure why it bugs me, it just...does.

Overall, I’m thrilled to death with this. I was so afraid it would be disappointing, so even if it’s not a five-star episode (and pilots rarely are), it’s a great beginning! It’s beyond amazing to see our girl on the screen again. Just this hour-long episode did her character way more justice than the entire Hannibal film. Despite its shortcomings, it’s such a loving homage to characters and a story that mean a lot to me, and I love it just for that.

Going forward, I’d like to see more of Clarice as a person. Her hobbies and interests--cars, sharpshooting, running, fashion magazines stuffed under her bed, horseback riding, her total inability to cook...anything would do. I of course want to see more of her with Ardelia. I want to hear more about her backstory and find out which version of it (truly orphaned when her father dies or sent away by her mother) they’ll choose to explore. And while we all agree that this show is about Clarice and she don’t need no man, I won’t lie: I’d gobble up more sly references to Hannibal. He’s her endgame, after all.

I’d also like to really see the warrior underneath. There are flashes of her in the last twenty minutes of this episode. But Clarice Starling is a big cat, she’s a warrior, she’s between iron and silver. I’d hate for her to spend most of this show doe-eyed and traumatized. I want her to be ferocious, to see the woman who’s a match for the monster.

Krendler needs to get nastier. He should make us feel like we need to shower. In the novels, he wants to use Clarice--only for her body. And when she won’t allow him to, he takes his revenge. That’s what makes him so particularly awful. Let’s amp him up here.

And finally...maybe I’ll appreciate Catherine’s scene more on a second watch. Maybe I’m not being sensitive enough to her trauma, her struggles. But I didn’t like the way that scene was staged or scripted, and I didn’t like the suggestion that she just hasn’t gotten help after a year and is subsequently taking her pain out on Clarice on some level. I hope future episodes handle this subplot, and her character, a bit better.

Please let me know if you guys would like me to do another of these monstrosities for the next episode. (I promise it won’t take me an entire week this time!) And thank you again for reading!!! 

[moonziah]

wolftar here, wolfstar there, wolfstar snogging everywhere

(this may be a little bit saucy for some, so be warned, there is a lot of snogging involved in this post and some sexy times references)

it’s no bloody secret that sirius and remus like to kiss

because pretty much everyone in the entire school has been a witness of such a scene

mcgonagall, snape, flitwick and even sirius’ own brother

what a sight to behold

let’s talk about the different types of kisses that are typically performed by the boys, shall we?

first up: peppering

these are the ones, typically done by sirius, that are very quick with pursed, closed lips

i’m sure you’re aware

sirius loves to do these ones, especially on his scars and promenant features of remus like his bones, veins and muscles (my personal headcannon is that remus is ripped af from being a werewolf, but nobody sees because of those huge ass jumpers)

he would trace the faint lines that cross his skin

his favourite place to do these are around remus’ belly, since he’s very sensitive there and that’s where he has some very sharp and gorgeous lines in his opinion

sometimes when remus does these types of kisses, it’s usually on the cheeks, nose or forehead

he finds himself cupping sirius’ small head as he does this

sirius ADORES IT

he always always always closes his eyes whenever it happens, whether that be in a jokey squeamish way, or an ultimate bliss kinda way

okay okay

so the next one is: hickeys

some people don’t count them as kisses really, but i do so imma talk about them anyway

hickeys usually come about during the sexy times for sirius and remus

and as i personally believe that sirius is often the more submissive one, he is most likely the recipient of the hickeys

it just drives him mad how remus can be so good at biting on his neck and blessing his skin

remus loves to do it just because of that werewolf instinct, almost like he’s claiming what’s his

and sirius will come down for breakfast the morning after, proudly showing off his adornments

and remus will sit there

the smuggest little shit ever

because there are so many on sirius’ neck and collarbones, right in all the spots where he knows it feels so good

and that’s his baby, wearing his marks that he made and everyone knows who he belongs to

james almost has a heart attack and chokes on his toast

which makes sirius cackle with joy because he’s lowkey very proud

however, on the occasion that remus gets a hickey, i like to think it’s usually quite impromptu

just something sirius does when he’s bored and remus is studying, something to occupy himself with

he enjoys seeing remus’ head roll back the way it does when he hits a good spot, when it pinches in a way that’s indescribable

the purple-ish mark looks so good across the nape of his neck, or the edge of his jaw

remus can’t study for the rest of the session just thinking about the feeling

aaand the final one i’m gonna talk about which you may have guessed from the title is: snogging

and i mean proper snogging

hot, open mouthed tongue kisses

these are the unpredictable ones

just because they can be seen at anytime, anywhere

in random broom cupboards, at parties, during the sexy times

any moment you think you’re safe

boom! sirius literally has his tongue in remus’ mouth

and there ain’t nothing you can do about it

remus loves to bite (you know werewolf instinct and shit) onto sirius’ lower lip and suck it into his mouth

sirius is all about the tongue (he’s a freaking dog what do you expect) and he likes licking remus’ lips and teeth

sometimes remus catches his naughty tongue inbetween his teeth and makes sirius go crazy

this process is usually how the sexy time begins, but sometimes it’s just fufilling an intense desire to be in eachothers space, just for a moment before class or when they need to get away

hands in hair, hands on hips, hands up shirts, hands fucking EVERYWHERE

sirius especially loves to trace remus’ jaw with his hand

remus can’t say no to sirius’ long and soft locks

the smooching always seems to last forever to any onlookers but for the two boys it could never be long enough

aaaaanyway i hope you enjoyed this! maybe i could make a part two 😏😏😏

muah!

(ps: sirius most definitely says the phrase sexy times)

[vcg73]

Glee Memories

Someone reblogged an old post to which I had contributed this run-down of my entire Glee fan experience. It made me laugh to read it, because I cannot deny ANY of the reactions even now. This is truly what it was like to watch the show in original air date Fox TV real time - endless mid-season hiatuses and all. Reposting just my own section:

Season 1 - SO good and fun! I want to see more of this!  Kurt, I love you. You’re so funny and I especially loved the second half of the season when you started singing solos and being a Cheerio!  Even the characters I didn’t really embrace I still want to learn more about. And the songs, and the hope for next year’s competitions…  Damn you, summer hiatus!

Season 2 - OMG, not as fresh as last year but still some amazing stuff!  Burt and Carole are cute together, though a little oblivious. Why didn’t we ever get any blended Hudmel family scenes?  Especially at Christmas.  *pout* Didn’t care for Kurt being basically sidelined at Dalton Academy for half the season, and his crush is kind of an oblivious jerk, but I have hope. Things much better by the end with Kurt back at McK and no joy to the bullies. Can’t quite make up my mind if I want to forgive Karofsky. He was awful, but also terrified. I’ll make up my mind next year. Aw, Jean Sylvester has died, I liked her.  Finn, a funeral should not inspire you to dump one girl and chase another. You big drip. Too bad about Nationals, but it’s okay that they didn’t go straight to the top. More reason to put out all the stops next year!  I liked this season a lot overall. Damn you, summer hiatus!

Season 3 - What the fuck has happened to this show? Blaine transfers in, acts like a dick, steals opportunities and insults people, but by the end every single character is completely up his ass. Wha-?  Wait, are Finchel a couple again for the 4,869th time, or are they broken up again?  I can’t keep up.  Am I really supposed to care about the suddenly evil Warblers and their smirking meerkat boss? Cause I don’t.  Warbler Council I miss you.  Shue, you’re horrible, get off my screen. Sue, go with him, you’re not funny anymore. Kurt ends up stuck in Lima with no prospects, while Rachel of the world’s worst audition gets his spot at the fancy performing arts school? What the hell!  And what do you mean, he only applied to ONE school, that makes no sense given his historic ambition to escape Lima, and determination to help Finn get out too. Someone at NYADA is a lazy bastard who couldn’t be bothered to send out the acceptance letters until JUNE, so most of their prospectives have probably accepted other offers by now.  This entire season made no sense and left a bad taste in my mouth. Thank God for summer hiatus!

Season 4 - Better in some respects. Really stupid in others. Kurt does an amazing audition and gets a second chance (that he should have had the first time) to get into his school.  I’ll take it.  Blaine, you’re a lying, cheating, selfish sack of shit and I’ve given up hoping you’ll ever improve. Just go away and stop horning in where you don’t belong. Adam Crawford, you’re a cinnamon roll too good for this world, but no way too good for Kurt. :)  I’m not usually a shipper, but you’re forcing me to ship hard.  New Glee Club, your boring clone selves need to step it up and show some originality if you want anyone to like you. Uh, wow, did that nasty Cheerio girl really try to kill the other girl by making her anorexic and totally get away with that with no consequences? Epic fail. Shue, you’re revolting. Oh, Unique. I like you, but why did you leave a star position at Carmel only to be meek about being shoved into the background at McKinley?  Really thought Blaine might get offed in that stink-bomb of a school shooting episode. It would have had emotional resonance for others and retired that character with a shred of dignity. Wasn’t that the point of having people declare Blaine teen angel/Jesus-standin for half the season? But no. Nothing happens and they chuck Becky-used to be cool but now is just super annoying-Jackson under the bus instead. (Also, why did nobody on the New York side even seem to know this headline-making event even happened?) Rachel, taking insensitivity and selfishness to new heights in New York. Why is Kurt suddenly your care-taker and general servant? Blech. Sarah Jessica Parker, completely wasted from great starting potential. Did Sam’s brain fall out in the deep end of the swimming pool and float away? Cause, whoa. Finn? Finn! Pay attention, dude. Cut your losses and go to your classes at Ohio state (or wherever). Burt, thank you for squashing that stupid proposal idea. But where is Adam?  Come back, adorable little cupcake!  Summer hiatus, thank you, I need a break but kinda like where everyone finally ended at the last of this year. This has definite potential.

Season 5 - Dead Finn = sadness. I kind of wish they had just retired him to off screen college somewhere. Wait, what?  God Damn It Writers! You can’t just transplant Finchel’s planned storyline to a totally different couple and expect it to make perfect sense, especially with no work or real character improvement to the horrible hair-gelled menace!  Copy glee club remains boring, and I don’t give a rat’s ass about their wash-rinse-repeat romances or lifeless competition performances. What the heck has happened to the timeline of this show?  Where did Adam go? Oh hey, it’s Demi Lovato and Adam Lambert!  Aww, I really like Elliott. It’s about time Kurt got a genuine friend. Rachel, just go away. I can’t deal with you anymore. Burt has been replaced by a pod-person. Creepy puppets more lifelike than most of their human counterparts by now. One Three Hill, I love you!  But I can already see that this is another great start with soon to be wasted potential when the contracts run out.  Damn it, writers! Don’t put Blaine in NYADA, that makes no sense at all.  If this school was as particular as you claimed, he wouldn’t have even made it to the audition round. Combat Jocks are all hot for Kurt, YESSSS!  Santana, I’ve never liked you because you’re horrid to everyone but you’re finally starting to grow on me a little. Aw, Chris Colfer’s episode plays like old time Glee!  Fun. More, please. Shirley MacLaine gives me the creeps as the old cougar lady. And we’re taking an early hiatus after shedding viewers like snake-skin all season. Can’t say I’m not relieved. I’m determined to see this show through, but my god…  

Season 6 - Only a dozen episodes this year? I can make it.  Ooo, Kurt dumped the albatross and sent him packing. That’s promising.  Rachel’s ego blew up in her face and she’s back in Ohio. Even more promising.  New New Directions, I surprisingly actually like you guys a little, though I liked One Three Hill much better. (And the Apples, whatever happened to those folks?) This could actually end with a bang instead of a whimper!  Aaand, I spoke too soon. Kurt get your cute butt out of Ohio, you can do so much better in New York, preferably single and dating new appreciative men!  Whoa, Sue is full on demented and dangerous this year. Why is she still in a teaching position again? Shue, you’re useless. Get off my screen. Santana previous potential goes right to hell in one fell swoop. Nice briefly knowing you, emotional development. Kurt, I’m serious, go back to NYADA and find whatever locker you left your spine in please. DO NOT take that asshat back for the 8,937th time, please!  He’s not worth it.  You … what …?  Oh my God, he did it, and fucking Dave Karofsky actually helped them along.  *beats head on wall*  No, please tell me everyone isn’t about to bend over backwards to put Rachel back on top of the heap again!  *sigh* That’s it. I’m done. 7 episodes left of this series and I just can’t take it anymore.  The writers-room monkeys have mixed pieces from 10 different puzzles, mashed them into a frame with a mallet, eaten the finished product, shit it into their hands, and tossed it at the few remaining fans still watching through the bars.

And that’s what you (lucky souls) missed on Glee!

[jessmalia]

Riverdale 4x17 - First thoughts

Pre-thoughts/expectations: Im very exicted for once. At first I was dreading this epiosde, because, you know, it’s a musical one, and you know how the last one went... (first thoughts on that here). But then they dropped all the Barchie stuff so now I’m PUMPED!

Warnings: Swearing and caps lock, also I didn’t edit any of this. 

First thoughts: 

Jughead: “It was over.” Me: Bughead?

I’m glad to see Jughead back writing in Pop’s tho

God another tape? I honestly completetly forgot about those

Oh no Jughead is singing again

It was god awful last time

I’ve only heard three words and it sounds like ha has inproved but I don’t wanna get my hopes up

Okay Cole’s singing is better (maybe that’s because he’s singing a low tone now though?) but I still think it’s a weird creative decision to have Jughead sing tbh. It just feels really weird and out of character. I know he’s not actually singing but still. I think the musical episodes would work better (or less bad) if he was the only one that didn’t sing. 

Oh now Archie is singing that is so much better

And Veronica too

I don’t know which musical this is from but I promise I won’t judge it based in Riverdale’s interpertation 

The people singing at Pop’s are really funny to me but I don’t know why

But also SWEET PEA YAY

I love Veronica’s outfit can I have that?

I hope Hiram dies

God Archie and his big mouth

He and Hagrid should be friends

I would honestly pay to see that spinoff 

GOD ARCHIE IS SO PRCIOUS AND JUST WANTS TO HELP I LOVE YOU

“The salem witch trails, definitly.” You fucking took the words right out of my mouth Jughead

Knowing that Brachie is coming is giving me the streangth to get through Bughead scenes without wanting to puke wow that hasn’t happened in a while

How do you know it’s a he, Charles? Do you know him? Is it you and your boyfriend in prison? 

Really Mr. Honey? Let Kevin sing! He’s the best of the cast!!!

“We’re generation Z” God that fucking cracked me up. No you’re not you’re all 30! I know they’re probably trying to give us a voice but I feel worse about being gen Z now that Kevin said it like that

Kevin sings tho so that’s good

Doing something like this, giving teenagers today a voice and trying to express how they feel is something I really wanna see more but it doesn’t work in Riverdale. Riverdale is so far removed from reality that doing these kind of realistic and relevant things and topics can’t work. If you’re gonna give generation Z a voice then you need to do it with people who behave like real gen Z teenagers, and the characters in Riverdale don’t. I don’t mean that all media have to be realistic, but if you’re gonna do something like this it kinda does. 

The musical numbers aren’t as awkward as in Heathers. That just hurt to watch, but this is totally fine. 

If no one had number 69 I’m sueing 

The Archies? Does Archie have a secret twin too?? With the same name???

THE CAR BETTY HELPED HIM FIX UP YEAH

yes bring back the Fred Heads

I can’t concentrate on the Fnags/Kevin scene cause I’m just thinking about that tickling thing and how fucking weird that was

I like Fangs being a supportive boyfriend tho

Yeah Betty’s about to roast Jughead this is great

Jughead’s lying to Betty again what a surprise

I’m fine with Jughead being in the band as long as he doesn’t sing

He can play drums like his dad

OH FUCK YEAH KEVIN IN DRAG LET’S DO THIS

The receptionist looking at Kevin OMG 😂😂😂

Shout out to Miss Bell

OMG SWEET PEA IS HELPING AND HE’S PLAYING THE GUTIAR???? TIGER PRINT HAS NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD

OMG YESSSS KEVIN KISSED ARCHIE THAT WAS AMAZING DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED THAT

At least Honey let him finish the song before he pulled the plug

This scene would’ve been so much cuter if it felt like Betty, Veronica, Toni, Cheryl and Kevin were all actually friends

Hate to break it to you Betty but that’s not a wig it’s a tiara

Wow they’re really making up for 3 seasons without drag

God Toni’s wig and Cheryl’s hair

OMG IT FEELS SO GOOD SEEING BETTY IN A WIG THAT ISN’T THAT SHITTY D*ARK B*ETTY WIG

Sugar Daddy is the best one yet but I don’t think it’s the right one to convince Mr. Honey

aaand I was right

Can all of them be barred from Prom? Cause I really don’t wanna see that unless Barchie goes together

Honestly I don’t think Veronica has the right to be that mad at Archie. Hiram isn’t his dad he can’t just make him go to the hospital. He tried to talk to him but he refused to listen there was litteraly nothing more he could do. Maybe he should’ve told Veronica earlier but th episode doesn’t tell us how long it took him to do it but it looked like it was the next day

Betty has more of a reason to be mad 

Also Jug don’t be so dramatic you didn’t actually die you idiot

OH NO DON’T SING

FUCK I CAN’T WITH THIS ANGSTY SCREAM SINGING BULLSHIT STOP

When Betty said “How do you think I feel” it sounded completely diffrent from the rest of the audio. Seriously, that shitty amature dubbing is kinda inexcusible from a big show like this

They look kinda funny screaming at each other

sSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsSsown up 😂😂😂

FUCK YEAH EVERYONE’S IN DRAG NOW

Wait so are the fights happening during school time? Wtf? They’re editing the events like they take place during the same time so why aren’t they at school??

NEVERMIND REGGIE IN DRAG SKJKFLHJSHF

FUCK YOU HONEY YOU CAN’T CANCEL THE SHOW BECAUSE OF A PEACEFUL PROTEST WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

fUCK YEAH THE BARCHIE SCENE IS COMING NOW BE PREPARED FOR MORE CAPSLOCK

You didn’t screw up shit she shouldn’t have gotten as mad as she did because of that

“We peaked in the 1st grade” God they’re so adorable 

OMG THEY’RE GONNA DO A CALLBACK TO SEASON 1 WHEN ARCHIE LOOKED AT BETTY LIKE THAT AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHSKJJSH

Ok nevermind it was about Fred sill really cute

God they’re gonna sing a song called Origin of Love.... I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for this

Do I even have to say that this is the best song number in the show?

Veronica what are you doing I want Barchie

No not Jughead ugh

CAN THOR PLEASE KILL THEM ALL WITH HIS HAMMER THAT WOULD BE GREAT

Okay Cole’s singing has improved a lot I’ll give him snaps for that

I take back not wanting Veronica or Jughead right now this is great Jeronica and Barchie parallells

I really hope this cheating plot line will bring Jug and Veronica together that would be so great

OMG THE FLASHBACKS TO BARCHIE SEASON 1 MY HEART

AND FLASHBACK TO THE BARCHIE KISS FUCK YEAH

FUCK YEAH THEY’RE KISSING NOW SJKSLHJSDBVHBRGVHWR WFHBVHVWKJHRVBRHBVHRBH

That was better than all Bughead and Varchie kisses combined don’t @ me 

She looks happier and more in love in the picture with Archie

OMG JUGHEAD IS HERE YES BRING THE ANGST

I can’t wait to see Jughead’s reaction to finding out Betty cheated on him with Archie

LOL Archie has 1 picture with Veronica and 4 with Betty that’s so in character I love it

omg they’re still gonna perform it’s gonna be so awkward I love it

YES THEY’RE LOOKING THROUGH THE WINDOWS NOW I LOVE IT

OH MY GOD THIS SONG WTF IT’S GIVING ME SO MANY FEELS

OH MY GOD THEY’RE DANCING IN THE OUTFITS FROM THE DANCE IN 1X1 I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF THIS IS EVERYTHING THAT I’VE EVER WANTED 

NAME ONE BUGHEAD MOMENT THAT EVEN COMES CLOSE TO THIS YOU CAN’T

THE HANDS AGAINST THE WINDOWS HHHHMHMHNJBNJTNBDNBN

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING BIGGER THAN CAPSLOCK TO SHOW HOW I’M FEELING

Yes they’re preforming now this is gonna be so awkward

And they showed Sweet Pea for another second 

Did they forget that he’s a fan favourite??

Jughead’s playing the drums but he still has a mic fuck

He looks so confused when Betty won’t look back at him God that’s hilarious 

Fangs and Sweets singing with to the misfits part yess

WHY ARE THEY STANDING ON THE ROOF THATS SO STUPID THIS WAS AN ACTUAL GOOD EPISODE DONT RUIN IT

How many fucking people are there I thought Riverdale was a small town

...

......

...............

......................

................................

.......................................wtf was that?

I don’t know wether to laugh or cry

Final thoughts: BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE BARCHIE with a really wird ending like wtf

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Time for episode 5 of The Witcher!! I’m just realizing I haven’t been paying attention to episode titles so far, but does anyone ever does when marathoning things on Netflix? So this one is called Bottles Appetites, sounds interesting enough, let’s do this.

Caw caw motherfucker.

I don’t know what this is but seems gross.

Yeah. Gross. Nakey Dude reminds me, somehow, of Hannibal and the Gorgon in Supernatural. Yeah, whatever.

Nooo Mousesack! This is really mean. Bad guys taking the identity of a dear one to trick a protagonist is a very frustrating plot, like, not in a bad way, but in a scream at your screen way, right?

Yennefer desperately wants something, which I suppose is what she sacrificed, because of course it is. It’s all about the babies~

Now she’s working as a Mage Sexologist but not paying taxes...? Okay...? You gotta do what you gotta do in this economy, I suppose.

Ciri is allowed to stay but she has to choose whether to stay or do what she was supposed to do i.e. search for Geralt, because destinyyy~~. Speaking of whom, he is suffering from insomnia and doing what people do when they suffer from insomnia, i.e. searching for a djinn to ask for some rest, as one does. It does not go well, shockingly.

Jaskier gets Magical Asthma which seems unpleasant. I get the plot needs to happen, but I like when he’s talking, and Magical Asthma doesn’t allow him to talk, and it’s a shame. Btw I’m not gonna write a note about how I love him every time he’s on screen because it would get annoying, but, hey, you just know that.

The town has a general doctor but he needs a specialist, which the town doesn’t have so they have to go somewhere else to find one. Who says fantasy isn’t relatable?

Yeah, no, the mage is there but it’s Complicated(TM). Of course.

Now Yennefer is working as a dominatrix? What the hell is happening. She looks great in that outfit but I’m a bit confused, but maybe that’s the whole point, she’s just leading a confusing life.

Which, apparently, is exactly the point. Tissaia pays a visit and says Yennefer is being pure chaos right now, and Magic Cops have been leaving her be so far because she has been acting discreetly and not done damages, but now she’s acting no longer discreetly and she’ll get herself in trouble.

Also apparently Yennefer turns down a teacher’s position at Feminist Hogwarts because she wants more--she wants everything--and every teacher in the audience slowly nods with understanding. Yeah, I know that’s not how I was supposed to read the scene but I think anyone who’s experienced teaching would jump to being a chaotic magical dominatrix if ever given the chance, so.

Geralt needs to pay a fee to see the specialist, that’s just how it works Geralt, don’t make that face. ...okay I want to get access to specialists’ offices for free by using violence too 🥺

I don’t understand what is happening but neither do they, so, okay.

Oh, they’re finally meeting. I don’t know how I expected them to meet, but this probably wasn’t it, or maybe I should have. Anyway, the specialist is Yennefer who is still working as Mage Sexologist and now is holding an orgy at the major’s house, which, okay, creativity is the only key to success in this economy. 

I should probably comment on the whole want-need theme of this episode but it feels kind of redundant when you have been in the Supernatural fandom for years. I mean, these are watching notes, not meta, so I’ll just yell THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT DESIRES AND NEEDS to the winds. Which is kinda a theme since the beginning but this episode is like YOOO.

Yennefer makes him tight leather clothing for very important mage business, I suppose. I love how everyone tries to get him to perform hygiene on himself.

Well he’s been sleeping now. Mm, not in a good way.

This episode is so weird lol.

Oh, Geralt is the one the djinn attached itself to, of course! I think I suspected it at the beginning then forgot about it.

Yennefer isn’t making healthy life choices, which isn’t surprising anyone, but still.

And the stylized uterus and ovaries drawn on her belly disappear, another failed attempt.

Well they have weird foreplay but as long as everyone’s happy, great.

Fake Mousesack gets Ciri to go with him, and Dara goes with them too... aaand episode’s over.

It feels I haven’t made many comments on the episode but the episode was already wild enough that it didn’t really require much commenting??

Basically Geralt needs a nap, Yennefer is having a post-university crisis and making unhealthy life choices instead of choosing to work in academia, Jaskier gets Magical Asthma and encounters the intricacies of the healthcare system, this is all very relatable, damn!

I think the episode could have been executed a bit differently because it felt kind of hollow, the previous ones were very intense while this one felt just kind of weird (alright not really the issue) and lacking a spark somehow (that’s more of the issue), or maybe I’m the one who needs a nap. It kinda felt like it needed to bring the characters from point A to point B of the story and it did but a bit mechanically? I mean, I still enjoyed the wild ride but if I need to nit-pick... like, the episode’s concept had potential that it didn’t really explore as it could have.

Next episode is probably going to be an emotionally devastating bloodbath, uh.

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Birds of Prey“

*in best Roman Sionis impression*  WHOOO!

Figured I might as well FINALLY watch it.  On with the show!

*silently jams to the opening logos*

This animated intro is great.

*snorts at the little animation of how an egg gets fertilized*

Why is this animated Joker a different (and actually better) character design than what we got in Suicide Squad?  Were we robbed of Letoker in full Joker suited glory?  I think we were.

“Behind every successful man is a badass broad.”  *points at screen in agreement*

I love Harley’s freaking rainbow apartment

The hyena!

This movie has the same amount of color saturation as “Pulp Fiction”

Freaking Bernie the Beaver is holding her tissues!  We stan supportive friends!

*gasp* Cass!

This guy [Roman’s driver] looks an awful lot like Jon Hamm and that is never gonna go away

“It’s not a party without a little drama!”  I love Ewan McGregor

*snorts in hilarity when Harley turns to address the audience about how much she doesn’t like Roman in front of Roman*

“Do give the Joker my [Roman] best.”  Uhhh....

*jams the crap out to “Boss Bitch” by Doja Cat*

*laughs at Harley drunkenly giving relationship advice to a female bust in the club*

“Some people have the Eiffel Tower.  Or Olive Garden.”  Can we please hear the stories about Gotham’s Olive Garden?

Oh that shot [of Harley walking away from the Ace Chemicals explosion] is great

[Four Minutes Ago]  *snorts in hilarity*

So far I actually really like Rosie Perez as Montoya.

Huntress!

*Huntress kills the mob people in the flashback*  That was awesome.  And the way Montoya steps back and forth to investigate the body is great.

“Harley Quinn just called open season on herself.”  And oop.

God, seeing Ewan as Black Mask is really gonna throw me off but man this is gonna be a great performance.

*jaw drops in horror when Zsasz removes someone’s FACE*

JESUS CHRIST HOLY SHIT RATED “R” HUH?!?

“Is that a snot bubble?”  Shit!

OHHHHH THAT SHOT OF ROMAN WITH THE MASK ON!!!  AAAAAAHHHH!!

The SATURATION IN THIS MOVIE

Also the soundtrack and aesthetic in this movie is very... “Suicide Squad”-esque

Man that sandwich looks good

*jaw drops when Harley accidentally throws her sandwich into the road*

Also they de-saturated everything again hahaha

Oh my gosh that guy [”Happy”] is HUGE

[GRIEVANCE:  COSMETIC VANDALISM]  Yeah, that sounds about right

“Par-ley??”  *snorts*

Her [Montoya’s] shirt....

Also why is she wearing that shirt at work?

This movie is giving me huge Tarantino vibes

Why does the actor that plays Montoya’s boss looks familiar?

Oh!  He’s Rufus in “Supernatural.”  Bobby’s kinda buddy!

“Ms. Montoya, we do have a dress code.”  There we go.

They are really just going back and forth in the timeline to cover everything, aren’t they?

Harley’s using nonlethal rounds?

The action set pieces in this movie so far are awesome.

*says “Run, piggy, run!” along with Harley*

Of course Dinah is singing “This Is A Man’s World”

Also I’ve seen like a 20 second Twitter compilation of Roman saying the f-bomb and it’s glorious

“We could make our own family.”  Oh snap.

WAIT THAT’S THE GUY WHOSE FACE ZSASZ REMOVED!

Does... Roman... like Dinah?  Like... that?  Or is this manipulation?

*chuckles when drunk Harley slides up next to Dinah at the bar*

*gets very uncomfortable at a guy trying to take advantage of a drunk Harley*

C’mon Dinah...

What’s the song playing here [when Dinah’s beating up the guys in the alley]?

Uh whatcha doing in the corner there, Zsasz?

“Oh sooongbirrddd?”  Noo...

Did I just see a street sign that said “ANUS”?

So is Cass faking a broken wrist or does she actually have a broken wrist?

So far my favorite characters are Montoya and Dinah.  Not gonna lie.

*has to muffle laughter when Roman does the mmkay hand sign* 

“I mean, I like crossbows!”  *giggles*

Holy shit, Zsasz is jealous of Dinah.

“Look at his little ears, the little haircut...”  *insane giggling*

ZSASZ IS DYING IN THE BACK I LOVE THIS SONG

Dinah is clearly rethinking some life decisions while looking at that statue of Roman

*jams out to “Sway with Me” by GALAXRA*

*Cass robs Zsasz of the diamond*  WHOOP!

*winces when Roman does acupuncture*

“SHE’s a chILDDD!!”  *laughs*

ZSASZ

Ho shit that shot of Roman on top of the stairs looking down at Harley

“VOTED FOR BERNIE” HAHAHA

*Harley completely derails Roman’s villain monologue*  THIS IS AMAZING

HE [Roman] GOT A BOWL OF POPCORN

*Zsasz licks Harley’s cheek*  EEUUUGGGHHH!!

Did that goon just pull a tampon out of Harley’s pocket?

I’M SORRY CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE PICTURE OF NUDE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT?

*gasps when Roman backhands Harley across the face*

OH HERE WE GO

HOLY SHIT THIS IS GREAT

ROMAN IN THE STRIPED SUIT

THE CHOREOGRAPHY

WHY WAS IT SO SHORT I LOVED IT

Where is this cover at on the official soundtrack?!?

“I’ll give you ‘til midnight.”  Hold on, hold on, what’s the timeline for this movie?

Harley’s just booking it in the background

Aaaand we’re back at the beginning!

Aaand there’s Harley!

Wait there’s about an hour left and we just now got to Harley meeting Cass?

CONFETTIIIII!!

Is she just using paint bombs on all the guards?

Harley, trying to enter the cells:  I AM PRESSING.  EVERY BUTTON.  I CAN FIND.

Why would they put Cass in the cell block with all the adults?

OH HALSEY!  COME THROUGH!

*Harley slides across the floor to knock a guy down*  OHHHH!!!

Daniel Pemberton’s orchestral score for this movie is reminding me an awful lot of “Into the Spiderverse”

Is that Katana’s sword?!?  How the hell did it get there?!?

WAIT SHE’S GONNA HUFF THE COCAINE?!?

Jesus, now THIS is Harley’s fighting style!  Holy crap!

*gasps when Harley gets kicked back and knocks off a car door off its hinges*

*jaw drops*  SHE JUST SET THAT DUDE’S BEARD ON FIRE

How does everyone seem to know where Harley is?

*Smash cut to Harley buying laxative for Dinah in the store*  Hahahahahaha!

“I do not care that you’re [Cass] a kid.”  Yeah, Harley, didn’t you uh... assist in the murder of Jason Todd in this universe?  Hmmm???

Wait so how long ago have Harley and the Joker been together?

Doc calls Harley “lotus flower”!

Those are the nuns from the school in the beginning!

She is actually... talking to the beaver

“[Joker] Sounds like a dick.”  I mean, yeah.

Also I just realized that Harley drew an actual dick in the Joker drawing’s mouth

HUNTRESS!

OH NOW WE’RE GETTING INTRODUCED TO HELENA!

*eyes widen in shock at the Bertenelli massacre*

*chuckles at the smash cut to Helena practicing in the mirror*

*Roman sees someone laughing in the club*  Oh no.

“Get on the table.”  Uh.

Oh no what is he doing?

“DANCE, ERICA!”  Ohh.  Shit.

“Take your dress off.”  *jaw drops in horror*

God, I cannot watch this.  Holy-

*has to avert eyes*

*Roman stops Dinah from leaving*  NO.

“You soothe me, little bird.”  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

OK, I can take a breather now.  Ohhhh my God...

They’re [Harley and Cass] really just having a girl’s night

BRUCE, NOOOOO!!!

“No one knew we were here except-”  DOC SOLD THEM OUT!

“This next bit ain’t very pretty.”  Oh boy.

“I [Roman] own this town.  You have my protection.”  Mmmmm... no?

Whoa this super dramatic cover of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”

OH HE’S [Zsasz] GONNA SEE THE TEXT SHE [Dinah] SENT [to Montoya]!

*Roman starts to break down*  Oh.  Shit.

OH THIS MUSIC

*Roman puts the mask on*  OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OH THIS IS GREAT

Also of course Joker and Harley had a hideout in Amusement Mile

*winces when Montoya punches Harley right in the boob*

*Harley kicks Montoya out the window*  Oh she dead

*gasps*  Zsasz!

Man that sideways shot of him is terrifying!

OH FRICK NO

JESUS I DON’T LIKE THIS

So is it implied that Zsasz only kills women or what?  I thought he was an equal opportunity killer?

“That’s why he [Roman] needs me [Zsasz] to look after him.”  Dude.

...did they just kill Zsasz?

Everyone except Harley is pointing guns at each other and all I’m thinking of is that scene from “The Office”

*snorts in hilarity for Harley clapping for Helena completing her kill list*

Oh Roman just brought a whole freaking army

OHHHH HE’S GOT THE MASK

Oh this music *chef’s kiss*

Oh my God is Roman gonna find Zsasz’s body?

Oh that crane shot out of the lair and back outside?  That’s some good shit.  Cathy Yan, I see you.

“I [Helena] DON’T HAVE RAGE ISSUES!”  DINAH’S FACE!

*Helena pounces on a goon in the slide down and kills him*  Geez that’s awesome

This whole set is great

*Helena gives Cass her old toy truck*  THIS MAKES ME SAD

Yeah when did Harley have time to put on her skates?

Some dude just gets shanked then leaps back up

That fight scene just went by real quick

*gasps when Roman shoots Montoya*

*jaw drops when Dinah does the Canary Cry*

*Harley gets sideswiped by one of Roman’s goons*  Yeah no there’s like half a rib cage gone

*Harley works on overtaking one of Roman’s goons’ car*  CRAZY TOWN BEEP BEEP!

*Harley backflips onto the top of Roman’s car*  OHHHH!

Founders Pier... geez that looks great

Wait are those all Roman’s goons just lining the dock or are those just statues?

Oh they’re all statues.  That’s creepy.

“exCUUSEE me?!?”  *snorts in hilarity*

*jaw drops when Cass tucks a grenade in Roman’s coat and activates it*

*still shocked when he FREAKING EXPLODES*

I’M SORRY THEY JUST KILLED OFF BLACK MASK

*Cass finally goes to the bathroom*  Finally!

“Does she always [Montoya] talk like the cop in a bad 80s movie?”  *laughs*

Guys Helena is great

*laughs when Helena laughs at the fact that Harley stole Dinah’s car*

“They call themselves the Birds of Prey.”  Yay!  Lemme see them again!

Harley’s jacket has a bedazzled vagina on the back of it

Look at Cass with her jacket and sunglasses!

“Yeah, I made the kid my apprentice.”  Yeah, that’s not gonna last long.

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x14 Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)  good night babe

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13

Giulia: Splash

14x14 Ouroboros

Zee: Can’t relive this. With Jack

Nat: I cry

Zee&Giu: I believe in us

Nat: Fuck this

Giulia: Ok sam

Zee: I do believe in us

Giulia: I ain’t got enough coffee in my blood

Zee: The end?? How dare he?

AAAND HERE WE ARE

[ Retro French pop music plays ] IS THIS A THING NOW?

Nat: Uhh...Mexico, Ellaaaa

Zee: Giuls, thoughts??

I see no wrongdoing here. The pasta is being dump into the water while it’s boiling. Garlic! YUM. That looks like too much sauce for that much pa- let’s be honest here, once can never be have too much sauce who cares. Ok I see olive oil, yellow bell pepper ( which is the best one ok) , garlic, onions, zucchini, and I think there’s parmigian cheese and *disgusted sound* cilantro, and a body....

Nat: Well, isn't that tasty

Giulia: ...I’M HUNGRY

Zee: Strike that

Nat: Fresh liver

Giulia: THE CILANTRO GUYS ! YUCK

[SIZZLES]

Nat: NO

Oh he’s making like fried liver, that was not cheese but grated bread ok ok I see you THAT LOOKS TASTY( you forgot the flour tho ok)

Nat: I'm more grossed out by the liver than the snake

Zee: Excuse me while I barf

Theeeey’re HEEEEEERE

Nat: Ohhh... babes

Zee: Shut. The. Fuck. Up

Giulia: those look tasty too

Creepy motherfucker , who is weirdly making me tingling with his cooking skill, : time to go Felix.

Giulia&Nat: A SNACK FOR LATER

Giulia: I WISH

Nat: NO How about no, He just left his meal cooking. Could burn the house down

Giulia: yeah real rude. Killing people and burning houses down

Nat: Mmmhh...snack

Giulia: Omg Jack’s plaid coat. Jack has amazing coats game y’all.

Nat: snacks

Zee: Three of them

oh...now they are all 4 of them ?

Nat: all of them,  well, no except one

Zee: Jack is a baby

Dean has a surprisingly soft steps. 

C: Oh no

I know Cass baby, that bitch fucked up a perfectly good pasta that’s what he did.

Giulia: Dean is us

D: Yeah who just let themselves be eaten?

Giulia: I’d let myself be eaten by you 

D: My money is on witchcraft.

R: Och, you, always blaming witches

D: Cause a lot of times is witches

Rowena basically : I was minding my glorious business when you whiny bitches called to beg for my help

D: Well we’ve been chasing this guy for weeks. What’s your point

Nat: Awww...Deano calm yo tits

Nat: Dean tossing things is my kink

Zee: Kinks again Nat?

Nat: Can you blame me? I'm FINE

Giulia: Hello castiel

R: Not enough Pantera posters for one.

Dean looking almost amused

Giulia: Coughing jack is my (1) fear

Jack: I’m fINe , I’M NoT dYinG . 

Nat: yeah, right, Jack

Nat: Dean..please!

R: Darling boy, everything means something.

Giulia: Be a dear and bring the snakeskin

Sam and Rowena research date night

R: You say [high pitched voice] ‘oh it’s just some magic and you think I’d leave it at that?’

Nat: Ahh..Sam puffing his chest

R: I’m more curious about how your brother is managing to keep an archangel locked away inside his mind.

S: Because....he’s Dean [read this as Batman]

Giulia&Zee: Dean is dean

Zee&Giulia: He’s fine

Nat: DEAN IS NOT FINE

Zee: Giuls. Shut up

Giulia: Zee 🖕🏻

DATE NIGHT!!

Look at them HAAAAANDS cradling the mug.

D: You know, I got to say, I got a pretty good feeling about bringing Rowena in on this one. I think her and Sam have a chance of cracking it.

me: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

C: They do have many books.

D: Yes, they do.

Zee: Worried husband

C: Hey Dean...

D: I’m fine....

ok ok ok ...I ADORE this shot! you’ll see this often in my feed , just fyi

C: What you're doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can't imagine the willpower

Giulia: hey dean. Oh how I adore how he talks  

WHAT IS THAT LOOK DEAN

[Jack dying in the bathroom]

Giulia: JACK STOP FUCKING COUGHING

[Jack spitting blood] 

me : *stares in the distance, lost in my ptsd vietnam episode*

Zee: Are you really fine?

Nat: NO OF COURSE HE ISN'T

Cas is like.... DONT U LIE TO ME, i have no right to tell you this because of a recent stupid thing I did but DON’T LIE TO MY FACE

WHAT IS THIS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOK 

Zee: That’s what I’m supposed to say

D: ...That’s what we all say

Dean’s like.... yeah ok he can read right through me.

[ starting operation ‘ let’s lower our walls’ in 3....]

[....2......]

[......1...]

Giulia: Still even more convinced that they will use michael grace on jack

Giulia: Those eye lines are ruining me

D: There's this pounding in my head. It never stops. 

Castiel’s face:

D:  Michael's in there, and he is fighting hard to get out.

D: And I can't let my guard down... not for a second.

Me: I’ll cheer to that bro

C:  Well, that is not sustainable.

Giulia: THIS SHOW IS NOT SUSTAINABLE

D: ....It's on me.

Nat: IT'S NOT FUCKING ON YOU 

C: We are here to help you.

me: *SOBS*

D: I know that, and I appreciate that. I do.

[JACK STILL DYING IN THE BATHROOM]

Nat: fuck this

Zee: That kid is gonna die in the fucking bathroom

Giulia: U FUCKER STOP

Nat: IF... IF.... IF

D: If you don’t ....

THIS LOOKS ARE KILLING ME

D: We still have plan B

Nat: Fuck plan B

Giulia: NO ONE LIKES PLAN B

Zee: Coffin Ocean Done

Nat: NOT even plan B likes Plan B

Jack’s like : yo you finished with the eye fucking and feelings sharing so I don’t feel embarrassed by you two in public? 

Castiel’s like : I’m out with two problematic kids who don’t tell me nothing

Nat: EVERYBODY'S FINE

Dean:

Giulia: We are fiNe

C: Okay, um...these killings -- it seems like there's a ritualistic quality to the crime scenes, right? It's almost liturgical.

Zee: Greek there for ya

Giulia: thank you Mr.Portokalos 

D: Ah yeah. See that one I knew.

Dean...you cute fucker I swear

J: Anyone who could do this is a monster...I mean, even if they're human.

D: Looks like Sam and Rowena have something

Nat: Sam and Rowena have something wink wink

THEY DOOOOO ? (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

D: This is like an A.V. Club presentation.

Giulia: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

J: What's an A.V. Club?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

C: It's a special group for people who do not play sports.

Giulia: I love the av club, where do I sign in?

Dean points at Cas “He’s the av club” [insert Oprah gif]

Giulia: IM DEAD

also how does Cas knows that? was that included in Metatron’s pop culture packet?

Nat: Of course he'll know

Zee: Jack is precious

R: Excuse me, boys, but this is a bit more pressing than your hilarious banter.

Excuse me Rowena , nothing is more pressing than their hilarious banter

CAS WHAT ARE U DOING , CONTROL YOUR EYEBROW

Giulia: clash of the titans. (Not gonna lie, I almost wrote clash of the tits). Just fyi

Zee&Nat: Of course you did

R: You know about Medusa?.

I’m sorry but....everyone knows about Medusa.  Ok ok this was mainly for the giggles and all because, you bet your ass that Dean would know who the fuck Medusa was, STOP MAKING DEAN THIS DUMB WHEN IT’S NOT REALISTIC.

Giulia: How caffeine is working

Nat: Because why else should the writers write this episode

Nat: Definitely...anything you want. Get on your knee. lol

Giulia: ...ooooh i can smell all the meta from here

Nat: They all gay for dick

Well Nat I guess….I mean... ...well that’s...that’s the goal

Giulia: U would all be gay for them

Nat: you not wrong

Giulia: MMMMMM

Nat: UHHHH FBI FBI

Zee: Fucking hell

Giulia: FBI FBI FBI

Nat&Giula: IS THIS AMUSING TO YOU?

Now turned on and scared Guy : No SIR

Cas: 

yeah that’s right call me Sir

Nat: Psycho penpal

Y’all my psycho text pals tho

Nat: you're not his type

Giulia: BITCH IM EVERYBODY’s TYPE

R:For the record, I don't love being included on his little hit list.

S: Apparently he can’t see angels

J: I’m not an angel

D: Close enough

C: So, if Jack and I approach Noah on our own, we -- we may surprise him.

Giulia: ABORT I DON T LIKE THAT PLAN

Zee: Happily surprised moose

Giulia: i’d get sloppy....( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Zee: I’m here for Sam’s short shirt

I’m here for them short of clothes 

R: I HAVE A PLAN

Giulia: WEE DOGGIE

Nat: OMG

Giulia: IS THAT JACK

Nat: THAT DOG IS SO SMALL IN SAM'S ARM

S: We -- We think he might have eaten something.

R: "We think"? "We think"? He means that it's my fault for not keeping an eye on the poor dear. He thinks that everything is my fault.

S: Can we not fight in front of the vet?

S: I mean, I guess it's not entirely your fault that you looked away!

R: He blames me for everything! I let his mother ride the Jet Ski one time!

WHAT IS THIS? AM I DEAD AND IN FANFIC TROPES PARADISE?

Nat: Wee Jackie Boy

Giulia: I CAN T

Zee: Sam got a dog and it’s his “son”

S: What are you doing?

R: Oh, I mean, I realize it's not...[Deep voice ]...pretending to be the FBI. [Normal voice] But there are other ways of doing things, Samuel. Plus...I thought my performance was quite magnificent.

Giulia: I NEED THOSE TWO TO FUCK 

Zee: The thermometer

Giulia: i bet he liked being a dog 

Giulia: *seeing just now Zee’s thermometer text*  THIS IS HORRIBLE TIMING

Nat: Did Jack just get something in his ass for this

Nat: YES

Zee: SO YES

J: Just wish I could've got it before she took my temperature.

Giulia: ...he took one for the team.

R: Oh, uh, a moment, Samuel. What did you do to that boy?

R: It's volatile magic, powerful, and it's stitched to him like some kind of parasite.I was curious before, but now I am worried, so I'll ask you again, Sam What did you do?

I can’t believe Rowena is lecturing Sam, and being right too

R: using dangerous, mysterious magic, regardless of the cost, that's a very on-brand me thing to do.

Nat: She's still so much shorter than him standing on the curb

Zee: Everyone is shorter than him

R: Of course, Samuel. Until very recently, I was the villain.

So I ordered this SamWitch extra spicy I guess.

Giulia: I REALLY NEED THOSE TWO TO GET IT OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM

Meanwhile scarred Jack :

Nat: That guy is creepy

Giulia: He’s so flamboyant loves every minute of it

Zee: That gorgon is a total bitch

Noah: "Helpless men" -- that's rich. No, I do eat ladies, too, but women have become so cautious lately. Must be all that finally waking up from centuries of misogynistic oppression. Good for them. Bad for you.

Nat: Ok but I like that

D: But if we cut off their head, then is more creatures gonna crawl out?

Ok but ...hey...legit question

....sam...

SAM

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

knock first , kick doors later

Zee: Enter the angel of the lord

Noah a bit turned on and scared

Nat: does he do anything else

Nat: NO fair

Noah : demi-god actually

Zee: I’m a lover not a fighter

Nat: THEN LOVE HIM

Giulia: I DON'T LIKE THIS STORY

Nat: Slapping

Zee: Oh he didn’t

Nat: NO cas

#mood  #same

Nat: wHAT

Giulia: NO , WHAT

Zee: Real pleasure

Giulia: OH SAMMY IS HANGRY

Zee: Why is he kicking their asses?

Giulia: Stop making him bump his head

Nat: MICHAEL CAN GET OUT

Zee: Fuck yeah

Giulia: YAS JACK BABY

Zee: My baby is hurt

Giulia: ALL MY BABIES ARE HURT

Zee: Swallow Cas

Zee dON’T BE NASTY

Giulia: OH CAS KNOWS

Nat: I can't even see

this is painful 

Zee: Look how precious jack is

Nat: Dean's still too tall for the bed

Giulia: IM ANXIOUS . CAS IS ANGRY

Nat: POOR JACK THO?

Sam asking Rowena what to do is making me weak.

JESUS

Giulia: GOD DAMN IT. I CHOKED . that was scary

Nat: that's what she said

Nat: Cas wants to make up for it

Giulia: THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING

[VIDEO] because I’m a sucker for these moments and you need to appreciate them more.

Giulia: We do too Jack

Zee: Special humans

Nat: sometimes we forget that too

Zee: Humans burn bright

Giulia: They are still human

Giulia: For a very brief time

Zee: He have to carry on

Nat: WE WILL NOT CARRY ON

Giulia: DAMN CAS

Nat: wHAT'S THE POINT

Nat: Jack has it right

Giulia: JACK IS RIGHT

Zee: It will hurt

Nat: Stop talking like that CAs

This scene is one of the best one , I can’t 

Nat: CASSSSSSSSS

Zee: Can Cas shut up already?

Giulia: IM CRYING

Giulia: MY GOD CAS

Nat: Jack calm yo tits

Giulia: JACK STOP SPIRALLING

Giulia: He s keeping the snake . LUCIFER SON IS KEEPING THE SNAKE. I DON T LIKE IT

OH....SOMEONE IS AWAKE

Nat: NO . WHAT STOP

Giulia: what is th

Zee: He woke up alright

 I KNOW WHERE I AM

Giulia: The screaming

Zee: He out

Nat: He's gone?

Giulia: OH NO. I DON T TRUST IT

Nat: NO

Giulia: DEAN DON’T PANIC

Giulia: OH SHIT

Nat: WHAT IS GOING ON

Giulia: OH FUCK

Nat: WELP MAGGIE IS GONE

Giulia: FUCK

Nat: WHAT THE FUCK

Giulia: DEAN BREATHE

Zee: Shut the fuck up

Nat: SHIT

Giulia: OH SHIT

Nat: DO YOU STILL WANT THEM TO BONE?

Nat: Michael!Rowena x Sam

Giulia: NOT NOW NAT!

Nat: SHUT UP NAT

Giulia: SHUT UP NAT .i can t watch this

Nat: Always taunting him. "come on sam, you can go harder than that, boy" .OH GOD SHUT UP NAT

Nat: FUCK YOU MICHAEL I HATE HIM SO MUCH

Zee: I fucking love him

M: It didn’t work out. It was him, not me.

Michael making promises.....DOESN’T WORK.

R: I’ll live either way

Zee: Sam is gonna off me

R: ..which makes dinner a little awkard

Giulia: GUYS I CAN T WATCH THIS

Nat: Fuck this

Nat: I'M HURT

Giulia: IM HURTING

Nat: how can americans watch it with commercial breaks?

M: Burning off your soul? You'll run out soon enough.

Giulia: i have no idea what to do

Giulia: How dare u

M: I am the commander of the host!   I am the cleanser of worlds!  I will not be challenged by a child!

You are a drama queen , that’s what you are

Nat: Of course

J: I'm not a child! I'm the son of Lucifer. I'm a Hunter. I am a Winchester!

Giulia: JACK

Zee&Nat: I am a Winchester

Nat: OH did he just swallowed Michael's grace

nat doN’T BE NASTY

Giulia: JACK IS GOING IN THAT BOX JACK IS SO GOING IN THAT BOX

J: Michael is dead

I don’t trust it

Nat: OH WINGS

Nat: I'm confused

Giulia: I DON T LIKE THIS

[after credits comments]

Giulia: PROMO. NOW

Giulia: AHAHAHA

Zee: What??!!

Giulia: NEXT EP IS GONNA BE FUN

Nat: I'm confused

Nat: Someone hold me

Zee: There there pats your back

Giulia: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT EP. IT JUST HURT ALL THE TIME .i’m sweating

Nat: I have no idea and I didn't like it

Zee: Hello. Are you new to SPN ?

Nat: What Michael is dead? Are we supposed to believe that?

Zee: No

Giulia: Jack worries me tho. And ya know the last ep of the season is called “Jack in the box”

Zee: Don’t go there

Giulia: How I cannot

Zee: Don’t know. Just don’t

Giulia: FUCK EVERYTHING THAT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER AND IM STILL ON IT

Zee: You’ll never get off

Giulia: That what he said

Zee: Stop it

Giulia: Fuck u all

And fuck spn

And dean

And sam

And cas

And fucking jack

I can t

*throw tables out the window*

.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie     @mariekoukie6661     @dragontamerm      @closetspngirl   @rainflowermoon    @mattiecat      @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee2   @jacks-word-of-the-day    @4evamc      @dammitsammy    @legendary-destiel  @winchesterprincessbride   @destielhoneybee   @castiellover20  @jacks-word-of-the-day @ravenhg @evvvissticante 

[sofreakinmanyfandoms]

November 14 - We’re Gonna Go Flirt with Superheroes

Some important notes:

1. Thank you to my amazing friend Dean for letting me use their delightful self as a character in this fic. You may all be jealous that I actually know this person.

2. Because Dean does not have the cleanest of language, this fic has significantly more swearing than anything else I've posted here. I still only put half as much language as normally spews from their mouth. Love you, babe.

3. I've never actually been to a hipster bar and it's been years since I've been to Portland. Please forgive me for any obvious errors.

4. I normally shy away from describing the reader too much, but honestly? I needed this. I needed to explore a bit what it's like being straight but looking gay, because while it's nothing compared to what the LGBT+ community goes through, it's something I get a lot of grief for from my conservative Christian extended family. I needed a fic where the main girl has short hair, okay? Okay.

Thanks for letting me vent myself in this fic.

Word count: 2416

Warnings: Language, mentions of cheating, if you’re homophobic you’ll hate this one so go suck an egg

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X short haired!hipster!Reader

“Ah, Portland,” Sam said with a sigh, looking around at the bar that was definitely owned by someone very hipster. “Remind me again why we’re here?”

“It was the closest city with the material Stark needs to fix the jet,” Steve reminded him. “He’ll have it ready by morning and we’ll be on our way back to the compound.”

“Friends,” Thor declared cheerily, throwing his arms around their shoulders, “despite our transport’s destruction, we have won a great victory this day! Let us celebrate, even if your Midgardian drinks are weaker than mother’s milk.”

Bucky followed behind them, feeling out of place as he took in the décor. The floor and ceiling were concrete, but the walls had been coated in what looked like disassembled pallets with wooden booths build out of the walls. The free-standing tables were giant spools and he was pretty sure no two chairs in the whole building matched. Whoever had been in charge of decorating had even taken the chalkboard menu trope to the extreme, making the whole wall behind the bar a blackboard instead of just hanging one up. Everything was decked out in old – sorry, “recycled” – netting and buoys, presumably ones that had seen actual use based on their condition. Also, Bucky had never seen so much flannel in his life.

He settled into a booth with Sam as Steve and Thor went to get their drinks. The other man was looking around, a determined expression on his face.

“Here’s where we get to the hard part,” Sam whispered to him. “Now we’ve gotta figure out which women are gay and which are just fashionable.

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at his friend. “I don’t understand.”

Sam leaned back and nodded to the bar. “Well, normally you see a woman in skinny jeans, a plaid flannel, and a beanie? She’s a lesbian. But we’re in Portland, where that’s everyone’s style, so it gets harder. Like the chick on the end of the bar? Pixie cut, slouchy beanie, band tee that’s probably for some local group her friend is in under her open flannel, black jeans that look painted on, and totally ignoring the prime male specimens currently ordering our drinks in favor of her cell phone? Definitely gay. But that chick over there,” he subtly pointed to a nearly identically-dressed girl, shorter and with longer hair, who had definitely noticed Steve and Thor’s presence, “is either straight or bi. I can work with either of those.”

Snorting at his friend’s explanation, Bucky flashed a quick look back at the woman at the end of the bar. Sam was probably right. Too bad; she was beautiful, and he wouldn’t have minded getting to know her better.

----------

You sighed at your phone and shifted on your seat at the end of the bar. Your friend was late again; they were always late. According to the text chain you were receiving nearly non-stop, they were also probably already drunk, not that that was surprising anymore.

“Come on, Dean,” you muttered under your breath. “I need you here before he shows up.”

Five minutes later, your friend stumbled through the door, giggling madly at, well, you didn’t want to know what. They stumbled their way over to you and collapsed onto a stool.

“Why are we here?” Dean immediately began complaining. “I stick out like a sore thumb. I’m more goth than hipster, you know that.”

“We’re here because I nanny for the owner part-time so the drinks are free,” you pointed out, rolling your eyes. “You know fully well that any place becomes your scene when you don’t have to pay for alcohol.”

“True,” Dean replied with another giggle. “I didn’t have to pay at the last place either, because I’m fucking hot. Three guys and two girls bought me drinks.”

“Aaand, that’s it, you’re cut off for the night,” you sighed, asking the bartender for a coffee for your definitely drunk friend. “You did kill your makeup tonight, though. It looks great.”

“Damn right it does,” they slurred. “Hey, how come you didn’t tell me? I’d have gotten here a hell of a lot sooner if you’d told me there were Avengers in the building.”

You followed your friend’s line of sight to where there were in fact four members of the Avengers seated in a booth.

“Oh… I didn’t notice them.”

Dean scoffed and gave you that knowing look that you really hated. “You got lost in your phone again, didn’t you? Just in case he showed up.” The blush on your face was enough of an answer. “Damn it, woman, he’s a fucking asshole who never deserved you and I’d have killed him already if you weren’t so fucking concerned with whether or not things are legal.” They downed the rest of their coffee with a grimace and pushed themselves off the bar, grabbing for your hand. “Come on. We’re gonna go flirt with superheroes.”

Your eyes widened in horror. “Oh no. I am not going to talk to the Avengers with you while you’re drunk.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed as they looked at you. “Then you have to promise me you’ll sing karaoke tonight. You haven’t done it since that bastard criticized your voice, and I miss hearing it. You’re fucking good, and you let that fucking moron rob us all of your beautiful songbird-ness.”

“I hope you realize how drunk you sound.”

“Do we have a deal or not? Because if I’m going to give up a shot at fucking Thor, it had better be for a good reason.”

You sighed. Your friend was always stubborn like this. “Fine, we have a deal.”

“Awesome! I get to pick your song.”

“Aw, hell, no…”

----------

Your ex showed up right before karaoke started as he always did.

“Look at the smug asshole,” Dean muttered into the drink they’d somehow managed to get despite your best efforts. They put on a comically feminine voice and mimicked, “I must sing every chance I get, for my voice is God’s gift to mankind and to deprive people of the joy of listening to it would be blasphemy of the highest fucking order!”

“Dean,” you sighed, “please behave. You’ve already gotten me to agree to singing again. You don’t need to start a scene with him, too.”

“I should cut off his fucking dick for cheating on you.”

Because you knew Dean, you were concerned they meant it. “Don’t. He did me a favor, helping me realize he wasn’t worth it. Now, did you sign me up for karaoke already, or do I need to do it?”

The grin they flashed you was even more concerning when paired with how much they’d had to drink. “I signed us both up. After you sing your mystery song – yes, you’ll have enough of an intro to figure out what it is and come in on time, they put the lyrics up anyway, you’ll be fine – I’ll blow your performance out of the water with a spectacular rendition of ‘Bang, Bang.’ Your ex won’t know what hit him.”

“I’m sure he won’t,” you said dryly, only to be horrified when your name was called first as karaoke started.

Dean laughed at the glare you threw them. “Go blow them all away with your magical voice, darling!”

“Y/N,” the bar’s owner said into his mic when you stepped up on stage. “It’s been far too long, m’lady! Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in a few months, it’s the lovely Y/N singing ‘Shake It Off’!”

“Really, Dean?” you asked, picking up your mic. “All the songs in the world to choose from and that’s the one you picked for me?” The regulars laughed at your teasing as Dean raised their beer in salute. Almost before you had a moment to collect yourself, the music was off and you could feel your ex studying you from his seat near the back with his new woman draped across him. You shut him out of your mind and focus and launched yourself into the song, determined to have fun even if you weren’t really drunk enough to do a Taylor Swift song for karaoke.

----------

Bucky hadn’t been paying attention to much other than his beer until the karaoke started. Their booth was set up at the perfect spot for watching the stage, and he chided himself for the way his heart jumped when you stepped on stage.

“Really, Dean?” you joked, shooting a look at your friend who did not look like – he? She? Bucky couldn’t tell which – would be interested in hanging out in a bar like this. Then you took a deep breath and wow, your whole demeanor changed as you started singing. It was like the song took over you and you had an entirely different energy about you.

“I go on too many dates, but I can’t make ‘em stay,” you sang, and Bucky watched you work the stage, using the mic stand to your theatrical advantage even as you held the mic in your hand. He’d say you were hamming it up for the crowd, but there was something about your performance that said maybe some of the words were hitting a little too close to home for you to be too flippant with them.

“My ex man brought his new girlfriend,” and he didn’t miss the way your eyes flickered to a couple in the back. “And to the fella over there with the hella good hair, why don’t you come on over baby? We can shake, shake, shake.”

He almost choked on his beer, because he could swear that during that last line you had looked over and winked at him in a very “I’m not a lesbian and I want to climb you like a tree” type way. Bucky’s eyes quickly flickered to Sam to see if the other man caught it, but if he had, he wasn’t giving any indication of it.

It had to have been the performance, right? You were just working the audience. When the song ended, he made sure to applaud, and soon your friend (Dean, the announcer called them) was on stage singing like they were, well, as hammered as they looked.

----------

“Come ooooonnnn,” Dean whined, tugging on your sleeve. “Y/N, they’re in town and they’re in this bar and Thor’s so hot I’m surprised I don’t have a sunburn yet. I can’t talk to them alone. Come flirt with me.”

Your friend wasn’t going to give up anytime soon, so you slammed back the rest of your drink and stood.

“Fine,” you said, “but if you look like you’re going to puke on an Avenger at any point I’m dragging you home.”

“Yay!” they cheered, immediately pulling you over to their table and sliding into the booth next to Thor. “Hello, gentlemen of the Avengers. My name is Dean, I’m genderfluid and pansexual and would gladly climb any of you. This is Y/N and she’s a straight prude but if you give her enough alcohol you might be able to get a nice make-out session with her.”

You groaned and rubbed your face with your hand. “Sorry for my friend here. They passed merely being drunk an hour before karaoke started.”

“Pleasure to meet you both,” Captain America (YOU WERE TALKING TO CAPTAIN AMERICA?!?) said. “I’m Steve, and this is Bucky, Sam, and Thor.”

“Hi, Thor.” Dean batted their eyelashes and you choked back a snerk.

Bucky pushed at Sam and the two slid a little further back in the booth, making space for you to sit next to the soldier. He motioned to the seat and you slid next to him hesitantly.

“Sorry for interrupting your evening,” you apologized quietly, although Dean had long since tuned you out in favor of attempting to seduce the god of thunder. “Dean gets an idea their head and I’m basically stuck along for the ride.”

“It’s no problem,” Sam said smoothly. “I do have one question, though. Are you really straight?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, and Bucky thought that might be the nicest sound he’d ever heard. “Yes, I’m really straight. Most people are surprised, but my sense of style wasn’t enough to keep jerks from hitting on me so I got a haircut and fell in love with the style. It’s let me fly under the radar a lot more frequently, which is nice.”

“I can’t imagine how,” Bucky said, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “You’re beautiful.”

Before you could thank him, a voice to your left made you freeze.

“Y/N.”

Dean’s attention was snapped away from Thor and they stared down your ex. “Listen, asshole –”

“Dean.” You held up a finger to stop your friend before they made too much of a scene before entirely turning to your ex. “What do you want, Daniel?”

“It’s free karaoke time,” he crooned, ignoring how unwanted he obviously was. “I thought maybe we could do a duet together, for old time’s sake?”

You affixed him with a glare that would whither a plant. “Why on earth would I want to be reminded of our time together?”

That seemed to shake his confidence a bit. “I’m just being friendly,” he snapped.

“You don’t know how to just be friendly. We’re over, Daniel, so get over it already. If you really wanted me, you wouldn’t have cheated.”

“I believe you heard the lady,” Thor cut in before Daniel could reply. “She wishes for you to leave her alone, and I suggest you abide by her wishes.

For the first time he seemed to notice who you were sitting with, and he sulked off back to his date.

“Well,” Sam broke the silence that had fallen over the table, “I’m guessing that relationship being over is a good thing?”

You nodded. “Thank you,” you told Thor. “I appreciate the support.”

“Anytime, m’lady.”

----------

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bucky asked you softly a few minutes later when you had yet to join the table’s renewed conversation.

You shook your head. “He was a jerk who cheated on me so I got out. It was a long time ago.”

“How could anyone throw away someone like you?”

The earnest way he said it made you blush.

“His loss,” you whispered shyly.

Bucky only paused a moment before asking, “Could I make his loss my gain?”

“I’d like that,” you said with a smile. “I’d like that very much.”

[themattress]

Ah, see, a chapter from this crappy book was put online.

Many comments down below argue against it, point out what’s wrong with it, and deconstruct its main thesis....but I feel I can do it better, so that’s what I’m going to use this post to do.

When I played Kingdom Hearts II for the first time, one moment stuck with me above all else.

Wow, OK, so this one moment (the Sora/Riku yaoi bait moment) stood out above all other of the many magnificent, memorable moments in the game to you, did it now? Goes to show where your priorities are, and they are NOT where most KH players’ are. But yeah, you’re such a KH “expert” whom we should totally take seriously. After all, you wrote a book! 

Before the final string of boss battles, after reuniting with Kairi—a brief hug and the murmured words “this is real”—Sora prepares to continue his trek through The World That Never Was to find Xemnas. Ansem, tall and ominous in his black coat, watches this exchange from a dozen feet away. Silently, he turns and begins to walk away, only for Kairi to run after him and demand, “Riku, don’t go.”

LIE! This is NOT how the moment went at all. The hug was not “brief” - Kairi throws herself at Sora out of pure emotion, hugs him, says “this is real”, and then Sora, recovering from the surprise, closes his eyes dramatically and emotionally as she hugs Kairi back, tightly. This shared hug lasts long enough for Donald and Goofy, our resident in-game Sora/Kairi shippers, to nonverbally react to it with happiness. This moment is given respect and weight, and it only falls flat for you because you don’t care about Kairi or Sora/Kairi.  Sora also does NOT “prepare to continue his trek”, he and Kairi both only get snapped out of the hug when “Ansem” tries to leave. Also, let’s see how long it takes for you to gloss over Kairi’s role in making the reunion happen, even when you admit Riku would have left if not for her. 

(Btw, the hug and Sora crying on his knees both lasted the same amount: 20 seconds.)

Sora spends every free moment he has in Kingdom Hearts looking for Riku, inquiring with everyone he meets about his whereabouts and lamenting his absence.

LIE! This is NOT what Sora does with “every free moment” he has. There are other friends he genuinely wants to catch up with, other people he doesn’t particularly need to help but does, mini-games he wants to play...oh, and after Kairi is kidnapped, he also asks about her in addition to Riku, even to the point of getting on his knees and begging Saix to take him to her. Nobody’s arguing that Riku isn’t very important to Sora, but you are very deliberately and dishonestly slanting things to make it look like he’s all he cares about to boost your argument.

But the moment Kairi speaks Riku’s name, Sora’s face twists, displaying a confusion and pain we haven’t seen before. 

LIE! Sora’s face is first one of “WTF!?” surprise, and then of just-plain incredulous confusion - he doesn’t immediately believe that “Ansem” is Riku and is likely wondering if Kairi’s lost her mind. And really? We haven’t seen these expressions from Sora before? You need to replay this game which you believe yourself to be such an expert at that you write a book about it.

A slow, almost mournful song plays in the background as Sora closes his eyes, and looks past Ansem’s guise to Riku, the friend he has so desperately searching for. 

Aaand you neglect to mention that it’s because of Kairi’s powers that he is able to look past Ansem’s guise to Riku, and that as the song plays in the background, we see all three friends joining hands. Heaven forbid you imply that Kairi means anything to Sora and Riku.

Taking Riku’s hand in both of his, Sora falls to his knees. “It’s Riku. Riku’s here!” he cries, weeping and visibly shaking. “I looked for you! I looked everywhere for you!” The scene reminds me of a moment earlier in Kingdom Hearts II, where Saix kidnaps Kairi. Saix calls Kairi “the fire that feeds Sora’s anger,” assuming that harming the girl will rankle Sora, leaving him emotionally vulnerable. This statement is wildly incorrect: Sora’s fervor for Riku far outweighs his fervor for Kairi—or for anyone else in the game. Riku is Sora’s fire.

LIE! The scene it SHOULD have reminded you of is when Saix tells Sora that he has Kairi, at Hollow Bastion. Sora pleads with him to take him to her. Saix asks if she’s that important to him, and he replies “Yeah! More than anything!”  Saix says “Show me how important” and Sora...falls to his knees, pathetically prostrating himself before Saix, whimpering “Please.” 

When Saix then replies “No”, Sora jumps up, visibly shaking and with a sob in his voice as he yells “YOU ROTTEN...!” Very clearly, Kairi IS Sora’s fire just as much as Riku is, and harming her WILL rankle him and leave him emotionally vulnerable, which it did seeing as he had to fight his way through Heartless, despite knowing the consequences of doing so at this point, in order to reach her, and when he saw Kairi again he got distracted and was ambushed by Heartless that Kairi has to rescue him from. Leaving this info out is dishonest as fuck.

Sora and Riku’s reunion is the big emotional payoff of Kingdom Hearts II, while meeting up with Kairi doesn’t even get a fraction of this attention.

Because Sora and Kairi’s reunion in the original Kingdom Hearts was already ITS big emotional payoff. It receiving as much attention this time around would make no narrative sense given that Kairi was only until recently safe and sound, whereas Riku has been missing and presumed dead for a long time, and Sora never got to fully reconcile with him before this happened. You need to consider the context when making your conclusions.

That’s because there is no traditional romance in Kingdom Hearts.

LIE! See here. Note that it includes Sora/Kairi and Roxas/Namine.

Rather, we get a picture of intimacy between two young men, two best friends. It’s exceedingly rare that any kind of media portrays non-romantic love between two boys so deeply

Except for literally almost every shonen manga/anime/game in existence ever, you clod.

As Kingdom Hearts’s main storywriter, Tetsuya Nomura seems keen on positive portrayals of male intimacy. He worked on the main premise of Final Fantasy VII, which featured a handful of close and complicated relationships between male characters. Cloud’s relationships with Zack and Sephiroth—two former brothers in arms—color our experience in his shoes. In Final Fantasy VIII, the rivalry between Seifer and Squall is borderline flirtatious, with Seifer’s antagonism towards Squall nearing obsessive. These male relationships would continue to play a role in future Final Fantasy games even without Nomura’s involvement—the camaraderie between Braska, Auron, and Jecht in Final Fantasy X, for instance, or the budding mutual reliance and respect between Snow and Hope in Final Fantasy XIII.

Nomura DID have involvement in Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy XIII, you CLOD!

The relationship between Sora and Riku is not the only intimate male friendship featured prominently in Kingdom Hearts II. There is also the bond between Axel and Roxas.

Oh, boy. Now you open up THIS can of worms. Why am I not surprised?

Throughout Kingdom Hearts II, we see the same flashback a handful of times: Roxas walking away from Axel and saying, “No one would miss me.” “That’s not true!” Axel shouts behind him, then drops his voice and murmurs, “I would.”

Um, we literally only see that flashback twice, and the part you referenced just once.

After encountering a brainwashed Roxas in Twilight Town, he is saddened to hear that his friend does not remember him. He becomes increasingly upset when Roxas continues not to cooperate with him, and in Roxas’s second fight with him it feels as though his anger is turned more on himself than on his former comrade. 

You just point out that Axel becomes increasingly upset when Roxas does not do what he, Axel, wants / needs of him, without considering at all whether it’s what Roxas himself wants / needs. That’s not a good thing. And no, Axel’s anger is absolutely on Roxas in the second fight. There is a glimpse of self-loathing as well, but he is able to overcome it and perform his duty as an assassin, willing to kill his friend so that he can avoid punishment from Xemnas. 

When we watch Roxas’s flashbacks of Axel pleading with him not to leave the Organization, we hear the sorrow in the latter’s voice as he says he’ll miss Roxas. Counter to everything the Organization has been led to believe, Roxas inspires true emotion in Axel: friendship, sorrow, understanding, compassion, love. If Nobodies can regrow their hearts, what emotion more powerful than love can jumpstart their reconstruction? Roxas is the driving force behind Axel and influences his every decision, even when Roxas no longer exists as a separate, complete human being.

First off, who said Nobodies can regrow their hearts? That’s not part of KH2.

Secondly, while it’s true that Roxas inspired those feelings in Axel, the fact that Axel lacks a heart means that he still is completely self-centered about them. Roxas himself is not Axel’s driving force, AXEL is Axel’s driving force. That’s the fundamental point of his character: that he pursues his own agenda above all else, and Roxas now being the main component of that agenda doesn’t change this. Your romanticized, whitewashed view of Axel is not canon.

While he calmly accepts responsibility for Naminé from DiZ

He accepted responsibility from RIKU, not DiZ, who wanted them dead. Clod, clod, CLOD!

Axel’s behavior shows that he sees his self-worth only within the context of his friendship with Roxas. Without Roxas, Axel does not value himself or his own existence, as evidenced by his readiness to sacrifice himself to save Sora.

This is partly true, but you’re a little off the mark. Axel doesn’t value himself only because of Roxas personally, but because of how Roxas makes him feel. Roxas inspiring feelings within him makes him feel like a complete being, like he has a heart. And like he says, Sora makes him feel the same way, so if he wanted to, he could have just stayed alive and stayed with Sora in order to get his feelings fix. The reason he sacrificed himself was because he had realized at last that his selfishness was wrong, that friendship is a two-way street, and after having screwed up with Roxas to the point of trying to kill him, he now wanted to redeem himself by giving to Roxas (and thus Sora): giving his life. This was a redemption, yet you’re skewing it to be “There’s no reason to live if I can’t have my boyfriend Roxas back!”

We never see this level of emotion in Sora’s reunion with Kairi.

You do remember that Sora pretty much killed himself to save Kairi in the first KH, right?

Roxas, who you were just talking about, wouldn’t have been a thing without that happening?

Are you that misogynistically averse to Kairi that you zone out whenever she’s a factor?

Sora crying for Riku, Axel crying for Roxas. The boys are the only ones who cry because their vulnerability is tied up with their dependence on each other. These are the believable relationships. These are the characters whose relationships players are never supposed to doubt. The emotion is raw and crystal clear in both of these scenes. We never see this level of emotion in Sora’s reunion with Kairi. It just isn’t there.

So boys crying ultimately places these relationships above all others, and every other relationship in the game (Sora/Kairi, Roxas/Namine, Roxas/Hayner,/Pence/Olette, Sora/Donald/Goofy, Mickey/Donald/Goofy, Mickey/Riku) can all be swept aside as irrelevant, doubtful and not believable because no visible tears are shed? That’s your argument?

Part of what makes Roxas and Axel’s relationship so beautiful is this outright rejection of their Nobody nature—they feel for each other and they let each other know it.

Here’s the problem - aside from that Axel crying scene which was not in the original version of the game, we actually NEVER see Roxas truly let Axel know that he feels for him. We literally NEVER see their friendship. It is a totally informed statement. We only see Roxas leaving and coldly saying “no-one will miss me” to Axel, and Roxas fully remembering Axel and being touched but still surprisingly blasé over what looks like (and originally WAS) Axel’s death in front of him. Yet this one-sided relationship is one of “the believable ones” to you?

And OK, let’s move away from KH2 and bring 358/2 Days into the equation. Even in that game, Roxas’ feelings of friendship toward Axel, while undeniably sincere, are nowhere close to the intensity of Axel’s feelings of friendship toward Roxas. Roxas actually has stronger feelings for Xion, and is willing to sever all ties with Axel, TWICE, because of something bad he does to him and Xion. This is not the paragon of m/m love you fangirls make it out to be!

Also, Roxas is 15. Axel is in his 20s. Just pointing that out.

Which is why the game’s ham-fisted implications of a romantic love triangle between Riku, Sora, and Kairi are so unconvincing. 

WHAT romantic love triangle!? There isn’t one at all in KH2, and in fact there never was one in the original game! It was always Sora and Kairi who liked each other that way. The official Character Report book confirmed that Riku did not like Kairi that way, knew Sora did and teased him about it, often acting as a potential romantic rival just to push Sora further and make Sora stronger - he’s the big-brother figure, it’s what he does. He only became posessive of Kairi and fought with Sora over her after he thought Sora abandoned him for Donald and Goofy (and the Keyblade). It was basically his way of saying “you throw away our friendship, then I take away your friendship / romance with Kairi, and she’ll stay MY friend!”

The implications are unconvincing because they’re a product of your deranged mind!

While the narrative wants you to believe these two are destined to become lovers, any implied Sora/Kairi mutual affection comes off simply as friends bound together by happy childhood memories. 

Right, because the Paupu Fruit (called “so romantic” by Selphie) is totally just a friendship thing, Sora killing himself in order to save Kairi and Kairi being able to bring him back because they are that close (in the present, not just in “happy childhood memories”) is totally just a friendship thing, the whole plot of CoM hinging on Kairi as Sora’s most important person (which he later re-iterates to Saix) is totally just a friendship thing, Sora imagining himself and Kairi in place of Jack and Sally slow-dancing is totally just a friendship thing, Sora and Kairi’s connection being able to bring Sora and Riku back home is totally just a friendship thing, Xion having Kairi’s face because Kairi is Sora’s most precious memory is totally just a friendship thing, this is totally just a friendship thing...I could go on. You. Are. DELUSIONAL.

Riku and Sora spend all of the first Kingdom Hearts looking for this girl, but at the start of Kingdom Hearts II it’s clear they are more invested in one another.

Which is probably because their goal in the first game was completed and Kairi is safe and sound on Destiny Islands at the start of KH2, while Sora and Riku are still in precarious situations. Once Kairi is put BACK in danger, Sora and Riku both become invested in her as well. Your constant lies by omission are bordering on sociopathic now!

Kingdom Hearts II begins with Kairi on Destiny Islands without Sora and Riku. Despite Sora’s promise during the ending events of the first Kingdom Hearts that he would find her again, he has still not returned home or even bothered to contact Kairi. 

LIE! His promise was NOT “to find her again”, he knows where she is, his promise was to come back to her with Riku, something she agreed to since, contrary to hateful fangirls’ portrayals of her, she cares about Riku too. At the end of KH2, he is finally able to keep that promise, plus the other promise of returning her lucky charm to her once his task was complete. Why the fuck would he return home without Riku, thus breaking his promise?

Instead, his search for Riku led him to Castle Oblivion and the events of Chain of Memories

Which, as mentioned above, his feelings for Kairi were instrumental to.

Meanwhile, that someone else is hopping from world to world looking for Riku, taking no time to stop by Destiny Islands to let Kairi know he’s okay. Everywhere he stops on his journey, he asks the same question: Has anyone seen Riku? Why not ask for directions back home to Kairi? Despite the game’s flashbacks and shoddily shoehorned-in visions of Kairi, she’s just not Sora’s priority.

Because, again, he KNOWS Kairi is safe on the islands so she’s not a priority, and his promise was to bring Riku back home so that the three of them could live happily together again. Why the fuck would he ask for directions back home when he’s made it repeatedly clear that his objective is only to return once he has Riku back, since that’s what Kairi wants as well? Also, once Kairi is kidnapped, she DOES become his priority and he asks about her / a way into the Nobodies’ world to rescue her just as much as he asks about where Riku is.

Sora’s constant search for Riku makes it clear that this is the relationship we need to be paying attention to. 

No, it’s ONE of them. Kingdom Hearts is made of MANY important relationships. His constant search for Kairi in addition to Riku once she’s kidnapped shows that his relationship with her is another one, and Donald and Goofy’s continuing quest for King Mickey shows that their relationship with him is another one. And let’s not forget the core one of Sora! Donald! Goofy!

You pushing Sora/Riku as the end-all, be-all is your agenda, not the game’s.

If there is supposed to be romantic love between Sora and Kairi, it’s not present in the writing. 

LIE! I’ve already pointed out why.

Their reunion is brief, and their conversation is clipped and bland. Kairi tells Sora she came looking for him because he never came home, and Sora’s reaction lets us know that he knows he screwed up. Sora apologizes to Kairi, and even as she hugs him, his response to her presence is anemic compared to the complete emotional breakdown he has when Riku is revealed.

This is your take on it, not a fact like you are presenting it as. Other views may differ.

Even after Riku’s abominable behavior, and even as he spends a majority of Kingdom Hearts II desperately avoiding Sora, his friend is still overcome to the point of tears when they meet. Sora does not rebuke Riku, he simply asks him why he has been avoiding him.

Um, yeah. That’s Sora. That’s his character, very easily forgiving. So what?

Sora is a benevolent guy throughout these games, but it’s not like him to give a free pass to his opponents.

LIE! See Maleficent and Pete, Axel, Beast when he’s under Xaldin’s control, Riku in the first game, Riku Replica in CoM, “Ansem” at the end of KH2...heck, he’s even OK going up and talking to Hades to sign up for the Paradox Cup even after all the shit Hades has pulled. He also is known to give opponents chances to back off and survive, like Vexen and Demyx.

Despite the atrocities committed at Riku’s hand in the first Kingdom Hearts, Sora still sets out in Kingdom Hearts II passionately searching for the lost Riku. He is the only one who gets Sora’s all-encompassing forgiveness.

Yeah, because they’re best friends, close as brothers. And they already had the start of a reconciliation at the end of the original game, when they closed the Door to Darkness. Exactly what’s your argument here? That if Kairi was to inexplicably go evil, Sora wouldn’t give her a pass or forgive her? Because if you believe that, then you’re a (bigger) dumbass!

The final boss sequence of Kingdom Hearts II could have easily pitted Sora solo against Xemnas.

Um, why? The previous final bosses didn’t have him go solo. Why would this?

One of Xemnas’s most common attacks involves grabbing Sora with an electrical field and holding him in place while he slowly drains the boy’s health. During these segments, players are given full control over Riku as he makes his way across the battlefield to rescue his friend. “Rescue” is even the word used for the command you must input to free Sora. It’s one thing to have these boys tell each other how they feel; it’s quite another to see them act it out in a climactic battle sequence.

Rescuing your friend is now apparently a big, earth-shattering deal. Um, OK.

You realize any character can rescue one another in battle, right?

The team-up offers an insight into the dynamics of their friendship. Giving Riku more of the heavy lifting in their combo attacks—breaking the buildings and hurling them at Xemnas as well as having to rescue Sora from the electrical attack—sets him up as the more protective of the two. Sora is active while Riku is reactive, and in the same way he spends all of the game trying to avoid Sora, he spends the final battle allowing Sora to set up powerful attacks for Riku to execute. And by having Sora be incapacitated and requiring rescue says something about how the developers want players to view their relationship. In the end, Sora will always need Riku. Riku’s presence makes Sora more confident, makes him stronger and more sure of himself. We see more of this feeling in Dream Drop Distance, where Sora fails his mission and needs Riku to bail him out, but the first seeds sprout in Kingdom Hearts II.

FUCK OFF. You’re falling into the common “seme/uke” yaoi stereotype for Riku and Sora here. For as much as you disparge Kairi for needing saving by Sora (while ignoring the times she saves him), you seem to actually get off on the idea that Sora always needs saving by Riku. I highly doubt the developers wanted you to think about the relationship like this, Nomura even said the main reason it happened was just because a lot of fans back then wanted to play as Riku, the same reason Reverse/Rebirth mode happened in CoM. Ironically, by the time of 3D, Riku’s popularity in Japan had died out, and the game didn’t sell so well.

Setting the boys up as partners in the final boss fight—literally your final act as a player—telegraphs to us that the game is about Sora and Riku’s friendship.

No. It’s one of the big themes of the game and what takes precedence in the last act, but to say that the ENTIRE GAME is about it and ignore all the other rich content that is packed into the game does it a disservice. I again ask why you even wrote a book about this game. Was it just to push your personal fangirl fantasies? We already have Tomoco Kanemaki for that!

You can’t tell either boy’s story without the other.

Tell that to CoM and 358/2 Days...or this game, where we hardly see a “story” for Riku.

Their friendship, Sora’s desire to find Riku, and Riku’s desire to protect Sora by only helping him from the shadows, is what drives the story forward and what lays down the game’s emotional foundation.

Really? Because it had nothing to do with Roxas’ story, or Axel’s story. Or the story of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee. Or Organization XIII’s plans. Or Mickey’s own quest and connection with Ansem the Wise. Or many events in the Disney worlds. Or...yeah, you get the message. Once again, you simplify a wonderfully complex, multi-layered game and boil it down to a yaoi story. I doubt you’d BE a KH fan if not for the yaoi-bait given this pattern of behavior. I hate to play the “True Fan” card, but...you’re not a True Fan. You don’t get it.

Following the final battle, as they sit on the edge of oblivion, Sora and Riku confess their feelings to each other.

And you deliberately phrase it romantically. More lying.

This climactic scene isn’t Sora and Kairi confessing their love

You realize that 1.) There’s still a series to go for that to happen, 2.) Nomura doesn’t want romance and shipping to be the main focus, and 3.) We actually get a credits scene where Sora sees that Kairi has returned his feelings with the chalk drawing on the cave wall.

We see her again in the very last scene welcoming Sora back to Destiny Islands, but the sweetness of her homecoming words is outshined by this exchange between the boys on a dark beach.

Which is a fact, not at all an opinion. And this is not sarcasm, not at all!

They’ve won the fight, and they don’t know if they’ll be able to return home. 

And who ends up being the catalyst for them coming home and not dying? KAIRI.

While Riku and Sora are not in love, the boys’ friendship is one of the deepest and most moving relationships of any kind that I’ve seen in a video game. And part of why it works is because it’s not a romance. Without sexual tension or expressed desire of any kind, these relationships appear as the deepest forms of male intimacy: mutual dependence, connectedness, and respect.

LMAO! After all this, you’re now trying to claim you’re not a yaoi fangirl and that you understand and accept that Sora and Riku are not in love and their feelings not sexual!? 

You aren’t fooling anyone, Alexa. You’re the typical obnoxious, toxic KH yaoi fangirl. Own it.

Kingdom Hearts II is the tale of these broken bonds becoming whole and being used as power against the creeping darkness. As Sora says in the first Kingdom Hearts, “My friends are my power.” Kingdom Hearts II proves that for Sora and Riku, this will always be the case.

And for Sora and Kairi, and Riku and Kairi, and Sora, Donald and Goofy, and Mickey, Donald and Goofy, and Mickey and Riku, and Riku and DiZ, and Roxas and Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and Roxas and Axel, and...OK, I’ve already made this point before, I’m done now.

Bottom line: this so-called fan lies with reckless abandon, omits key facts, presents her opinions as truth, and completely maligns the entire rest of the game just to prop up the one aspect she feels dominates all others and that other players should feel the same way about it as she does. To all True KH Fans, avoid her, her book, and future writings like the Plague!

[karasunocurry]

Atsukashiyama Ibun Paris report

So I’m home and I feel like I’m in a post-convention depression more that I’ve felt after recent cons xD I was kind of sad that I wasn’t at Japan Expo Paris, I didn’t actually know beforehand they’d be there ^^; and I couldn’t take days off or afford to go either way, but I’d been looking forward to the musical for an entire week (including losing sleep over it, oops). I went to Paris on Friday and met up with Edo and did some shopping for items we needed (or didn’t need but I have a backscratcher that acts as extendable Ishikirimaru prop now xD). Later met up with Mai & Katy and then had a late but well-deserved dinner at a Japanese restaurant.

Saturday I attended the fanmeet near the Louvre. It was warm and we tried to stay in the shade of the trees. Some people came in cosplay (brave! but not smart xD) and it was fun to see all the itabags gathering. I didn’t talk to that many people but it was great meeting @sohmariku and talking about Japan and subbing. There was a lot of things going on in terms of ‘what we can do for the boys’, like signing a flag, writing short messages for Kitazono Ryo and even recording video messages (which I fucked up- and once I make a mistake I’m done for xD). Took a break early in the evening because I was tired and started getting a really bad headache, but met up with a group of people for dinner, and then went to bed. For some reason, woke up way too early every day but *shrug* it must be a jiji thing.

Sunday- performance day

Aaand then it was Sunday. I’d also decided to write letters on a whim but I only ended up writing two (for Sakiyama & Ryuji) and a get well soon card for Ryo.  I went to the venue around 10, to meet up with Edo and Katy again and check how everything would be organized. It appeared that goods would only be sold 45 minutes before the show. Uhm. I didn’t think too much of it at that point, but luckily Edo was very much set on getting in early for merch, so I was also pretty much in front of the line of one of the entrances.  Good thing too, because the goods stand was too small and too slow to allow many people to actually get their stuff. I managed to buy bromides, the pamphlet and a penlight - decided against the DVD bc I can get it cheaper online - and after I went to the toilet, they already announced that not many more people would be able to buy goods. I went in and took my seat and was later joined by Senta, who’d never watched the musical before so it was fun to afterwards hear what she thought of it and explain some more about the connection between the swords and their former masters. I wasn’t very much at the front but had a good view on the entire stage. At first the full cast and the producer (and writer?) took the stage to explain the Kitazono Ryo’s medical condition - he’d been diagnosed with retinal detachment and was advised not to act on stage, but he could do his lines and vocals. They then called him on stage, and you could tell by his posture and face that this was a very difficult thing to do. Ryo cried through his words and could hardly speak, it was so very sad to see him like this, apologizing for not being able to be on stage. He got a big round of applause and took a spot behind the audience from where he’d act out his lines. [spoilers ahead]

The musical started off differently, with Mikazuki doing a dance - immediately making the link to Tsuwamonodomo stronger - while the ‘human’ story played out behind him. They also added that smithing song between Mikazuki and Kogitsunemaru. There were some obvious changes to the musical, but mostly subltle changes in conversations and little things added here and there. The overall flow of the story remains the same, of course, but the musical has evolved through time and you can tell that there’s improvement in all aspects (although it was always great haha). The presence of Kogi on stage was not a big problem for the course of the story, since his interaction is mostly limited to speaking to others, aside from the song he shared with Mikazuki and ofc in the group scenes, there is an empty spot, but even so his character was there. It was still sad to see everyone looking at that empty spot, but I’m just glad that at least he was allowed to and able to perform by speaking.

I love the scenes with Benkei and Iwatooshi - let’s be honest, Iwatooshi is the new guy at the citadel in this piece and he’s so fucking strong, bless him. Just like his former master, he’s a good man with a strong sense of duty and good intuition. And his doubt and resolve are played out very well. Araki Kentaro is also great as Yoshitsune, in every performance he’s been able to express the duality between human Yoshitsune and possessed Yoshitsune very well. 

I also think everyone grew in their respective characters and the singing was also better than before. Everyone’s performance was outstanding. Mikazuki’s elegance, Iwatooshi’s strength, Ishikirimaru’s protectiveness, Kashuu’s vigor, Imanotsurugi’s enery and Kogi’s empathy, it was all there. I just love how these characters influence each other. At the end, the fighting got more intense than it was before, adding some dramatic despair that I don’t think I felt before during that scene, and I don’t think anyone would ever complain about Daichi’s bare back :) The Idol Live part was all new!! Surprisingly, I wasn’t expecting that and as people later pointed out, it was nowhere hinted at either - no idol outfit bromides for us yet, but I’d love to get those!.I love the new outfits, they were very nicely coordinated, the original character colours were used very well, and the jackets with connecting lines look so fabulous <3  The songs were also very good! Very upbeat and catchy and boi the dance moves!! I was really impressed and as Ishikirimaru fan I’ve been eyeing Sakiyama most of the time - hard to ignore his tight pants and smooth moves xD I have a vague feeling they also gave him more center stage time? His popularity has climbed since the first Atsukashiyama run so I guess they might take that into consideration? It made me happy to see that they looked like they were having a lot of fun, despite everything, that they were giving their all in a foreign country, and by the amount of pen lights and different colours, everyone had fans and I hope they felt our love~

They also kept up with the misogi tradition where someone has to say a line in repsonse to a given situation. Mikazuki got picked and instead of giving us a line, he had to flash his back, this kinky mofo. Mario ma boy you  know what you’re about don’t you. <3 At the end they all presented themselves in French (v cute baww), aaand it ended with otokomichi as usual but that entire song/act is just A+++, it’s such a motivating song. Everyone looked happy. They got a lot of applause, a standing ovation WELL DESERVED and in the end, all pen lights turned yellow to wave at Ryo as he left his spot. I hope he got some strenth and courage from it, and felt less burdened. I went out... Edo and Katy went to the evening performance too. I was thinking of just hanging around or maybe going to the hotel but - France had just won the world cup and Paris had exploded into a chaotic soccer mess that I wanted no part of - so I bought a rank 2 ticket and went in again. (yolo is a thing, this might well be the only time to ever see a toumyu live) Things about seeing it twice:  - Ryozono had regained his composure. I think that the successful afternoon performance and the fan’s reactions had made him feel at least less worried. He apologized this time with a strong and confident voice. Bless him. - There was a scene where Ishi wanted to draw Kashuu’s portrait (ref to Mihotose), but he forgot his pen xD He glossed it over real smooth. GJ Sakiyama <3 - It was misogi time for Ishikirimaru!! I may have screamed. I wish I’d remembered exactly what he said but it was about hugging, I think my brain just melted hence the bad memory. ^^;;;

- For the idol performance we took different seats at the side to see the actors from closer by.<3  - Sadly there were a lot of empty seats for the evening performance. It would’ve been hard to get home when the musical was over so I understand but I also think they should have done a better job at promoting the entire event. It’s alway been hard to get information, most of it  had been translated by fans from the official Japanese site. People came from all over Europe and more people would come if you’d done proper promotion beforehand. Uhm... I think that’s it. It was great. I had an amazing time with the people I was with and talked to and I wish I’d been there today as well to talk about it even more but HMU ok.

Can I just say I’m into hell even deeper now? That I fucking love Tsubasa? But also Daichi? But also Mario? Actually EVERYONE??? I’m really really really happy I decided to go, best decision, kill me now (but I’m already dead), I haven’t been able to think of anything else and I’m definitely not ready to go to work tomorrow. I hope this does still open doors to more (tourabu) musicals and/or stage plays to come to Europe. It’s very niche but it’s still a growing fandom. I’m more motivated again to do some subbing to spread the love for the stages/musicals that I like and hope people will join us in this hell and start supporting the boys and their work.

<3

more random stuff on twitter

[letsplaystarrysky]

Starry★Sky in Summer -Azusa- 6/14

The day of the Interhigh qualifiers arrives and our team gathers at the gate to catch the bus to where the competition is being held…

Tsukiko is mentally reaffirming to herself that she’ll be fine so long as she plays the same as she always does. Kanakubo notices the stress on her face and suggests that she try what he does; look up at the sky and take a deep, calming breath. It seems to help and she thanks him for the advice.

The bus arrives and they’re about to get on when Miyaji asks if everyone’s there and Inukai is the first to point out that Azusa doesn’t seem to be. Tsukiko spots him though and pokes him. Miyaji’s calling for him, you know? Azusa looks up and says yeah, he’s here. Okay, Miyaji says, a little annoyed, next time try to actually answer when you’re called, please?

They pack all their bows and arrows and whatnot on the bus and Kanakubo reminds everyone who gets carsick to take their meds and sit near the front of the bus. Shiratori and Koguma head to the front while Inukai goes to the back to sleep. Tsukiko frets, she also gets carsick but does she really want to sit all the way at the front?

Azusa happily invites her to sit next to him. She figures, why not? And is about to do so when Miyaji remembers that she gets carsick and tells her she’d be better off sitting at the front. Azusa gives Miyaji a sly look and says it’s okay, he knows a good cure for motionsickness, so Tsukiko will be safe in his hands.

Fukuyama’s delivery and if this were ANY OTHER GAME would make this line sound pretty suggestive, but alas, this is Starry Sky, the purest of pure games and Azusa’s in the astronaut course, so yeah, he probably does know some good cures for motionsickness.

That doesn’t assure Miyaji at all though.

Before they can bicker too long though, a frustrated Kanakubo points out that they’re just making Tsukiko uncomfortable. She can sit next to him.

“Huh?”

Oh, I’m sorry Azusa. Did you think because this was your route that Kanakubo, the smoothest of smooth sempais would let any chance of flirting with Tsukiko get past him? Think again!

Azusa: wow, he’s my sempai in so many ways…!

Okay, silly fangirl Japanese joking aside…

Kanakubo adds insult to injury by telling Miyaji and Azusa to sit next to each other for the trip so they can get to know each other better before working as a team in the competition. The two go off to sulk together and Kanakubo and Tsukiko share a moment where they congratulate themselves on this brilliant plan to help them get along better.

They reach the competition and all their attention becomes focused on winning. Tsukiko’s up first, and with everyone’s words of encouragement at her back, she steps onto the field. Is it called a field in kyudou? I don’t actually know.

“Don’t let something like a mere qualifier round defeat you.

Just go out and have fun.”

Very Azusa-like advice there.

That said, once she’s out there and focused on hitting the target, she does find herself enjoying it more than she did the previous year. She makes it through the qualifying round with no incident, and now all that’s left is to watch over the guys’ team as they take on their own challenge.

First up is Azusa, who Tsukiko describes as being so calm it’s almost scary…

After that is Shiratori, then Inukai, who both do their best and get fairly good results following Azusa’s near-perfect lead. After that comes Miyaji, who performs as well as one might expect from Mr. Serious Business, with results on par with Azusa’s. Last is Kanakubo, who as usual, doesn’t deal well with the pressure of competition, and while he shows a good result, it’s still well below the level that Tsukiko knows he’s capable of.

Thankfully though, the boys do make it through to qualify for the Interhigh tournament.

When they get back to the school, the team gathers in the cafeteria to celebrate.

They’re all excited to have gotten the chance to go to Interhigh. Kanakubo gives a short speech, telling everyone how happy he is that he can compete together with them one last time before he graduates. The baka trio and Azusa are happy to celebrate, but Miyaji decides to be a downer and reminds them that the real hard work starts from now. Kanakubo however, reminds him that taking it easy for one evening won’t be any harm. Everyone worked hard; Azusa even got a special award for best shot of the tournament.

Azusa feels like he wasn’t really at his best and wonders if it’s really okay for him to receive an award like that.

The bakas are suuuuper impressed by this display of geniusness.

And herein lies the real focal point of Azusa’s story. You think it’s his rivalry with Miyaji or his romantic pursuit of Tsukiko, but the more this story goes on, the more it becomes apparent that there’s more to it. This works to this game’s benefit and its detriment in a way; it’s good because it helps the story feel more character driven and organic in places, but not so good because that’s a large part of why it never quite feels like a romance story. The love story here is between Azusa and kyudou more than it’s between Azusa and Tsukiko. (which could almost be said for Miyaji’s route as well)

But I digress.

And anyway, Azusa thinks that Tsukiko had much more beautiful shots than he had. Miyaji begrudgingly agrees and Azusa teases him; oh-ho even Miyaji can give someone words of praise once in awhile. (Miyaji tells  him to shut up)

But anyway, they’ve qualified...which means next is the Interhigh tournament itself.

Azusa: We’re gonna go in it to win it, right?

Kanakubo: hmm…

Miyaji: If we’re going to win, we’re going to have to practice really hard.

Wow, if there were any three lines more exemplary of their individual characters in this game...

So anyway, some antics happen with the baka trio and Miyaji and as the party starts to wind down, Tsukiko’s not quite sure if she wants to go back to her room yet. What should she do?

Go back to the dorm

Be unable to decide

Go for a walk in the courtyard

As she’s trying to decide, her eyes fall on Azusa and she thinks back to how great he did in the competition and how confident he looked. At the same time, he looks in her direction and comes over.

“Yahisa-sempai, can I borrow you for a moment?”

Tsukiko says of course, she was just thinking she’d like to talk more with him herself. Azusa says in that case, why don’t they go up to the rooftop gardens for a bit before heading back to the dorms? This sounds like a good idea to her, so the two of them head up to have a starlit chat. The stars look so lovely tonight that for a moment the two of them just sit and stargaze for awhile.

“Congratulations on your results today, Yahisa-sempai. I’d expect nothing less from you, though.”

Yeesh. I’d forgotten how terrible the art on this CG is. The proportions are all off and it has an overall feel of being drawn in a rush. Maybe they added this scene last minute or something I don’t know, but this artist can do much, much better. (in this very game, even)

Tsukiko thanks him for the compliment and returns it. He got a great result too.

Azusa looks up at the stars and flatly responds,

“That...that was nothing.”

This isn’t the first time he’s shrugged off talk of an accomplishment like this, even in the short time they’ve known each other. Tsukiko points out that he doesn’t seem very happy. Azusa admits that, while he knows it sounds callous and haughty of him, winning doesn’t make him happy. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to win, nor that he doesn’t try to when he competes, but…

When he trails off, Tsukiko asks if he’s not happy because winning is so easy for him.

Azusa struggles slightly to explain. Sure, it’s easy for him to hit the targets, and getting a high score award might seem natural, but he doesn’t think his “form” is deserving of such praise.

Why is that?

Azusa knows his form is technically perfect, but he can never get over the fact that one of the instructors he respected once told him that his form has no heart in it; there’s no colour in his shots. Azusa thinks this is exactly right; he’s technically good at kyudou, but there’s nothing about how he plays the sport that is especially “his”.

Tsukiko, a little surprised at this first glimpse at Azusa’s more honest side, doesn’t know what to say. In the silence that follows, Azusa smiles over at her and asks what she thinks about his form. Does she think it’s interesting?

She wants to say yes, but the words won’t come out.

Azusa smiles a little more sadly at her and apologizes for asking something so weird. It’s getting late anyway, they should head back. Feeling a little disappointed, Tsukiko agrees, but suggests they come stargazing together again sometime.

“Sempai, that’s awfully forward of you. Are you saying you want to spend more time alone together with me?”

lol aaand he’s right back to normal.

Tsukiko tries to say that’s not it but he happily teases her, twisting her words to ask if that means she doesn’t want to stargaze alone with him. No, that’s not it! So she does want to spend time with him! Uh, uh… sure, she guesses? Cue happy Azusa. He laughs and says she makes it too easy, she should be careful not to be tricked by more wicked guys in the future.

Yeah

In the future

Like say

Next Autumn

For example

AHEM

Tsukiko asks what he means and he just says he means she’s cute.

Wait, is he teasing her?

Of course not! He mock protest, he would never do such a thing!

He totally is though!

Azusa tones it down a notch towards serious again and tells her that no, he’s not teasing her, everything he says to her is the honest truth. Tsukiko accuses him of being hard to understand and he wonders if that’s true. He thinks he’s pretty easy to read. He has zero interest in whatever bores him and faces whatever interests him directly and with 100% of his attention. Does she get what he means?

Before she can think of an answer he gets to his feet and says they really should get going. Tsukiko has no choice but to let it go.

[barrimyr-adin]

Naruto Shippuden E130-134 Notes

Finally done with the unbearable bullshit that was Jiraiya’s backstory.

So Naruto only has half of the Nine-Tails inside him? That’s fucking stupid and yet another needless retcon. Who is the other half sealed in?

The Nine-Tails was summoned? I thought the tailed beasts just roamed unless they were sealed inside a jinchuriki.

So is this actual Madara or is it Obito?

I like the start of the new OP music, the rest feels kinda basic though.

So does Konan have her soul or chakra sealed into one of those sheets of paper? If not, how has she gotten rid of her body and replaced it with paper?

Pain is so damn badass. What amazing voice-work.

So Nagato wants to use tailed beasts to create atomic bombs? Um, how does that even work?

Does Jiraiya fucking think for himself at all?

Oooh, the good animation is about to start.

So what fucking animal is that thing that Nagato summoned?

Damn, I wish we had gotten to see Naruto summon a toad like this.

This toad’s ungraceful gimmick has gotten annoying.

Gimmicks in general are annoying.

Why is Jiraiya still keeping his hands together? Didn’t he already end the summoning? Don’t tell me he’s starting all over again.

I find it hard to believe that Jiraiya is fast enough to outrun that bird.

Also, why doesn’t he use his Raging Lion’s Mane Jutsu to bind it? It worked on the chameleon. Or use his fire or earth style? Or just trap it in another toad throat? Or summon another toad? It’s not like he seemed to be worried about having to restart the summoning before. At least once the bird is gone, he can take some time to do the summoning and recuperate in peace.

And why does this summon take so long? What exactly differentiates it from any other summon?

What the fuck is wrong with this bird’s legs?

There you go, Jiraiya. Use that fire style.

How the hell was that rhino fast, Jiraiya? Especially after seeing the bird.

Nice work, Gamaken.

Jiraiya, how about you just fucking send Gamaken back? He’s exhausted and wounded. You can summon another toad later. It’s pretty fucked up that you just ditched him while he was injured before,

There you go, Jiraiya. Give the guy a break.

Nah, seriously, why was it so hard to summon Ma and Pa? It didn’t take that long to summon Gamabunta. What makes them so special?

Ma and Pa’s dynamic is exhausting.

Ma’s tongue is fucking terrifying. Why does that exist? And why is it smiling!?

Wait, does Sage Mode make Jiraiya grow a beard? What the fuck? Why? What is this, Teen Wolf?

So this dude is only one of Pain’s six paths, right?

And there are two more.

Is now really the time for comic relief?

Holy fuck, Ma and Pa are annoying.

Fried Pain? Alright, I’ll give you that one. Good one, Ma.

I mean, this is just my two cents. I know that Naruto is gonna learn perfect Sage Mode and Jiraiya is only able to enter Sage Mode by fusing Ma and Pa to him. Personally, I think it should be the other way around. Naruto’s whole shtick is being clever and diligent enough to find creative solutions to perform strong jutsu (i.e. using shadow clones to perform the Rasengan) so it would make sense that a novice like him wouldn’t be able to enter Sage Mode, so instead he’d use fuse Ma and Pa to him. A technique that no one would have expected. Honestly, I just think it’s dumb that Jiraiya, an honest-to-god Sage with years of experience, can’t enter Sage Mode without Ma and Pa but a braindead teenager who barely knows any sage techniques can enter Sage Mode just fine.

Also, why hasn’t Jiraiya pulled out the Rasengan? Hell, now that he’s in Sage Mode, wouldn’t he be able to pull off a Giant Rasengan?

Nevermind, I immediately regret saying that. Now I have to watch the stupid, sudden, ridiculous, and exhausting BS that is the “Massive Rasengan.”

Way to be redudant, Kishi.

So this path is basically Samehada?

Why did Jiraiya suddenly grow shark teeth?

I really don’t want to look at Jiraiya’s hands and feet like that.

So Jiraiya’s slowly falling farther and farther into Sage Mode?

That’s one hell of a song.

I don’t like how the Shadow Clone Jutsu just became some basic jutsu that practically everyone knows.

That’s a pretty lame illusion. Doesn’t have much aesthetic. The jutsu itself is pretty cool though.

I hate that we’ve gotten to the point where losing an arm is considered a basic injury.

Tsunade definitely wants to hit that.

Tbh, Tsunade’s scene had no point but to essentially emotionally manipulate the audience.

Aaand now we’re just straight up shooting missiles. You guys remember when this show was about ninjas?

Tbh, I was kinda let down by Sage Mode. Jiraiya’s Sage Mode anyways. I mean sure, it felt like a power up, but not really like a gamechanger. Maybe it’s just cuz he’s facing the Rinnegan.

That path should have just died in the acid. No reason for him to really jump out, meta-wise.

Jiraiya finally looks his age.

If I was Jiraiya, I would have just assumed that Nagato and Yahiko performed a fusion.

If you wanna join Pain’s emo band, you have to dye your hair bright orange and get some ugly ass piercings.

What a fucking coincidence that Nagato just happened to use the corpse of someone Jiraiya remembers killing.

Jiraiya should have died of blood loss from that bleeding fucking stump a long time ago.

Jiraiya’s monologue was actually compelling until the prophecy shit reared its ugly head back up.

Naruto’s a child of prophecy, because fuck literally all of the themes you ever wrote into your story.

Jiraiya, just fucking die already. Why do death scenes always have to be dragged out so goddamn long? It’s honestly ridiculous.

And of course fucking everything has to be about Naruto, even Jiraiya’s death.

So two Sannin dead so far.

Still pissed that Madara is even a character. It’s bullshit that a guy like Pain is taking orders from anyone.

How would the secret have even saved Jiraiya? Like, the secret is just that Nagato was using people’s corpses as the six paths, right? Or am I missing something? I don’t think that would really change anything, but then again, it’s almost midnight and I’m exhausted.

Ugh, I have to deal with Karin again.

Naruto, why are you fucking talking to yourself?

Kiba, I don’t think you’re supposed to ride dogs.

Yet another flashback to something we’ve already seen.

I feel like Yuri Lowenthal has been high all throughout Part 2.

OMG, am i gonna get to see Kisame beat the crap out of Karin!? Yes pls.

Please kill her, Kisame.

Madara’s getting his own music so I’m assuming he’s gonna beat some ass.

Yes! Beat Naruto’s ass, Tobidara!

These swords are stupidly big.

Tbh, if Shino had been in command of the Sasuke Rescue Mission, the whole thing would have been solved in five minutes.

Can’t Shino just use his insects to know where Tobi is at all times? Or Hinata use her Byakugan?