#and then another part is like. i need top surgery NOW.

[soggypotatoes]

having a dissociative disorder is so fucked up and confusing

like, I feel like that's obvious, but no... once you know you have it, once it's confirmed, it just gets so much more confusing than it was before

[madamechrissy]

=͟͟͞♡ Healing Hearts =͟͟͞♡

=͟͟͞♡ Pairings:-Doctor Gojo x Intern F!Reader

=͟͟͞♡ Contents/warnings- Medical procedures, surgery descriptions, crazy sexual tension, eventually explicit sex etc. ER setting. Reader 26, Dr. Gojo 34, small age gap, work sex, complications, lots of humor, eventual drama and angst. Grey's vibes ✨️

=͟͟͞♡ Summary- You are the top Surgical Doctor intern, along with Maki, Yuta and Toge. You all are exhausted from passing the first month, sixteen plus hour days, days you don't even go home, all to get a top spot with the star Surgeon, Dr. Gojo, your resident doctor and boss. Or as you call him, Dr. Hojo. He's takes nothing serious but his surgeries it seems, and has a reputation for being a player, but he has that top spot, so you want to prove your worth! You just have to ignore those stupid butterflies he gives you, and those pretty blue eyes, along with his interest in you, and focus!

Comment to get added to the tag list

=͟͟͞♡ Playlist =͟͟͞♡ Masterlist =͟͟͞♡

♡ Part One ♡

Fuck, you’re exhausted, the first month of your internship as a surgeon was brutal, you haven’t had but a couple hours of sleep here and there, mostly on some of the hospital beds. Your bones ache, your skincare routine is barely hanging by a thread, and your hair is a wreck in a messy bun today. You thought med school was difficult, but it was nothing like this.

“Hey, you okay babe?” Your best friend Maki Zenin asks softly, you look at her and smile, nodding, she purses her lips, tilting her glasses.  “No you’re not.”

“I’m wiped, Maki. This patient injected cocaine up his ass.” She bursts out laughing right in the middle of the hospital floor, you cover her mouth quickly, looking around. “Shh!”

“Shit, forreal? I thought my case was bad, he’s been here eight times for hits of pain meds since I have been here, he keeps bashing his hand on shit.” She sighs, handing her files to the desk then picking up several more.

You’re both in your pale blue scrubs, Maki’s pretty green hair is high up in a ponytail, now your other two best friends from your internship come up, Inumaki Toge and Yuta Okkotsu, both looking exhausted along with you. Yuta’s eye bags rival yours by far, he slicks back his dark hair as you all check the time on your watches.

“Another sixteen hours almost down.” He says through a yawn.

“Tired.” Inumaki says, and you sigh, nodding in agreement.

“Fuck that, we need to throw a party.” Maki says, somehow still so energetic, and you’re so confused how it’s possible.

“Party?” Inumaki asks, he’s certainly a man of few words, but his violet eyes explain whatever anyone needs to know.

“No way, Maki. Fuck that.” Yuta says, earning Maki sticking her tongue out at him.

“Buzz kill, ugh. Listen, this weekend, we’ll invite some of the people from our class, we can invite some of the other interns too. Ooh, maybe even those sexy resident doctors.” She wiggles her brows with a mischievous little grin.

“Maki, we're too old for that shit now.”  You grumble.

“Bitch we’re twenty six? How are we old.”

“I feel ancient.” Yuta agrees. “Coffee everyone?”

“I have to stop by Doctor Gojo’s real quick, meet you all there?” You say, and they nod, waving you off as you head to your Resident doctor’s office. Dr. Gojo was the boss of you four, one of the residents along with Dr. Nanami and Dr. Geto. All three were fawned over by all the interns, except you. 

Yes they were gorgeous, and yes Dr. Gojo was positively beautiful, with his snowy white hair, his glittery blue eyes, his big grin. But you were just too exhausted and too beat to really fawn over someone, especially someone you really could not be with, seeing as he is your resident, you’re just a little intern. Satoru also happens to be the top surgeon in the hospital.

You go to knock but see his door is cracked open, you carefully take the knob in your hand, twisting it and peeking your head in, seeing Satoru Gojo’s head fall back, as he’s gasping. You look curiously, but his hands are up on the desk, as he’s biting his lower lip, his brows together, eyes shut. You clear your throat and he jerks then, clearing his throat.

“Um… hey intern.” He says, his voice clipped. You shut the door behind you, tilting your head curiously at him, his face reddening slightly.

“Dr. Gojo, I have a question about this patient, is everything okay? It won’t take very long.” You say, and his eyes flicker over your face, an expression you can’t explain, as he sucks in a breath.

“I um… can listen… in… fuck, fuck!” He moans then, he clearly moans, and you hear a bump on his desk now. “Oh, oh that’s so much better.”

“I… what the fuck!?” He flushes then, sliding back, and one of the nurses jumps up, giggling now and wiping her mouth, she has pretty blue hair.

“Thank you Miwa, you’re a gem.” He stands, patting her head with a smile, and she giggles again, as you watch in confusion, your brows together, mouth open. “I need to talk to her about cool doctor things, I’ll see you around later?”

Cool Doctor things.

Blow jobs on the clock?

How is this your boss?

“Yes, Dr. Gojo. Hi there!” She waves at you, as if nothing has happened, as if she wasn’t just sucking Dr. Gojo off, and he’s looking bashful!?

“What the hell is this shit? Lock a door?” He comes to you, locking the big door with a click behind you. “Not now!”

“I forgot it was open, shit. I’m sorry. Stress relief, you know.” He smiles down at you, a stupid smirk you’d like to smack off his pretty face, hands in the pockets of his long white doctor jacket. “Don’t you ever need any?”

You heat up at his husky tone, as you realize just what you’d walked into. It had been a long time since you’d even thought that way, not just with Med school but now being an intern, especially since you broke up with your ex months back. “What? Yuck don’t come near me.”

“Why, ya jealous.” He brushes your hair back, earning your glare. “You’re awfully cute when you are.”

“Jealous of you? No thanks, I'm good. I sure am not part of your fan club.”

Satoru pouts. “Yeah, and you’re the only one.”

“Yep. Anyway, I’m now disturbed.” You shiver with feigned disgust, making him snort a bit in laughter. “But I only came in here to go over Mr. Lewis.” Sighing, you hand him the file with a gentle brush of your fingers against his palm. “He's been a difficult case.”

“Fuck, the cocaine dude? Ah shit, it’s that bad?”

“We have him stable, but something about it threw me off, how could it be that severe of an effect? Colitis has lasted days now and no improvement.”

“Mmm, true. But it makes sense, you can’t just inject cocaine into the anus and… have a party.” A hint of laughter escapes from his lips before he can control it, earning a stern look from you, making him study the file more carefully.

“Be serious.”

“I’m your boss, you know!”

“Yeah, somehow. Anyway, I feel there is something underlying. Perhaps exasperated by the cocaine.”

“Up the ass! Hah!” He’s smacking his long leg now, chuckling, earning your glare. “Oof you’re so serious, sorry, carry on.” He gives you a mock salute, and your eyes are so far back in your head they might stay that way.

“So I’m wondering if he has something else, untreated, the man has no history of any doctor visits since he was living with his parents.”

He taps his chin then. “Hmm, good point. It’s possible. Have we checked him for Chron’s?”

“Shit, maybe, that would make so much sense too, his white blood cell count is through the roof. I’ll leave a note to run some tests before I go.” You take the folder back then, your fingers brushing, and it brings a blush to your cheeks.

“What’s wrong, intern?”

“Just weirded out by you, Dr. Hojo.” He snorts then.

“Dr. Hojo!?”

“It’s what they call you, I guess it’s true.” You say, raising a brow, and he is leaning close, too close. You can smell that stupidly expensive cologne he wears every day, filling your senses far too much. You try to avoid those eyes, even though you look at them all the time, they still are…

Too much.

“And you don’t ever wanna just get eaten out?” You blush more now, looking down as he stands up tall, so fucking tall over you. “Don’t be shy now, we spend more time together than alone.”

“I don’t do that when not in relationships.” He pauses, and you expect some joke, since he takes nothing serious but surgery it seems. But he tilts your chin up, and studies you with those eyes, lids lowering ever so slightly.

“Aw, so you’re a good girl.” He says teasingly, causing a warm sensation to spread through your stomach at his words. You shake your head and try to ignore the fluttering feeling within you.

“Don’t say that!”

“Turn you on?”

“No! Jesus. I don’t care what people do with their bodies, I don’t care if you’re a whole manwhore-”

“Excuse me!”

“But I just need a relationship, I’m not attracted to just looks, there has to be a deeper connection.” He studies you carefully now, so serious unlike his usual goofy demeanor.

“Hmm, a challenge.”

“What now?” You glare up at him, clutching the folders to your chest tightly. “Not a challenge, you psycho. Go get all the blowjobs you want, like Thanos collecting all those infinity stones.”

He grins, sharp little fangs glinting, and you don’t like the effects it’s having on your body, or your mind. You can barely take a breath. “You’re actually so funny, holy shit.”

“You don’t really know me. Aside from work.”

“You never take me up on any of those offers of coffee, or grabbing a bite, all you do is work Missy. All work, no play, makes a sad girl.” He taps your nose, and it scrunches up, making him smile a bit. “Cute.”

“Whatever, I have to work my ass off, it’s important, I have to make sure I get to scrub in with you. That chance comes at the end of this month.”

“Well you’re the top intern I have, so don’t worry so much.” He pats your shoulder, and you blink a bit. “Surprised? How. You graduated top of the school, you bust your cute little butt, and you’re intelligent, caring for your patients. Of course I was picking you first.”

“Oh my god…”

“You’ve ruined your own surprise. Act surprised when you find out, mmkay?” You hug him then, heart racing as you think of it. “Oh so now you like me.”

“I can really scrub in to a surgery with you!?” You couldn't contain your excitement as you leaned back and looked up at Satoru Gojo. He nodded, his hands taking hold of your waist through your scrubs, and that touch?

Does things, fuck.

“I’m so sorry-”

“You’re fine, intern. Stay a little longer.” You nervously step back, his hands are still on your waist, making you tremble, as your eyes both lock.

“I can never fuck such an opportunity up. Um… thank you though, that gives me so much hope, maybe I can actually relax for two minutes!” He smiles softly, nodding, his hands falling to his sides. “I’m sorry I…”

“Interrupted? Nah. Think you made me cum quick.”

“What!?” You glare again, and his smirk makes you itch to smack him all over again. “Dr. Gojo!”

“You’re so pretty though, I think it made her job quicker. Win win.”

“I’m out of here. Ugh.” You turn away, hand on the knob, and then his comes on top of it and gently unlocks it with a twist, you feel his hard body against your back, and you get overwhelmed in his office, damn near unable to breathe, as he’s clearly…

Is Dr. Gojo inhaling your hair!?

“New shampoo?” He asks, you turn to glare up at him, putting your faces far, far too close.

“How would you know my…”

“You always wear that one that smells like strawberries, this one is more floral. Hmm I don’t know if I like it as much, but it’s still yummy.”

“I… you…”

“See you later, intern.” He says softly, then finally steps away, leaving you reeling as you hastily step out without a word, leaning your back against his door, shutting your eyes for a moment in the quiet hall his office is in. You shake yourself out of it quickly, he’s just being…

Dr. Hojo.

Notorious womanizer, but the best damn surgeon there was, a whole idiot and yet an entire genius. And not your type, not at all, even if he’s gorgeous, you did not like man whores, or men that aren’t serious, especially not your boss, anyway. Fucking your boss in this industry would essentially make everyone question every accomplishment as favoriteism.

You sure weren’t going to sacrifice all your hard work for some dick.

You bounce away, heading to the little cafe where your friends are waiting, sitting next to Yuta who hands you a coffee with a little smile. “Thank you, ugh.”

“You’re welcome, girlie.”

“So, party?”

“Maki!” You three say, and she sighs, shooting her espresso down.

“Next weekend! Come on you guys, what do you say?”

“Oh fine.” You concede. Maki, Yuta and Toge all live with you, in your town home, since you could absolutely not afford it yourself, with the shitty pay of your internship and the college bills. It was left to you, but you still had property taxes and other bills, so they helped a ton. “No one better fuck my house up, I swear.”

“Hell yeah, here’s to a party bitches.” She holds up her little styrofoam cup, and you all cheers each other then, laughing.

“Party, hmm?” Comes Dr. Gojo’s voice, he’s standing there with Dr. Geto and Dr. Nanami. You all get nervous then, but he grins. “I’m coming. What about you guys?”

“No way.” Nanami grumbles, he’s very serious, his glasses slung over his sandy blond hair, his face exhausted.

“I’ll come.” Dr. Geto chimes in, chuckling and sipping his coffee, he’s as tall as Dr. Gojo and well swoon worthy. He would be more your type you think, with that serious yet fun nature, whereas Dr. Gojo…

“C’mon Nanami. You gotta, you gotta, you-”

“Jesus you’re a child.” You say, and Gojo gasps at you, Geto and even Nanami laugh, only earning Gojo’s scowl.

“You brat, I’m a good eight years older than you!”

“You look like a twenty year old frat boy.”

"And you look like an angry little brat!” He shot back, only causing more laughter to erupt from the group.

“Okay, okay.” Dr. Geto holds up his hands now. “Let’s be nice, kids.”

“Kids! Suguru I’m older than you.” Gojo says with a glare.

“Like six months. Anyway, we’ll be there at this party, text us the details? We’d love to unwind.” Dr. Geto says, and Maki jumps up now, as you and Gojo are glaring at each other across your table. “Got it, thank you Maki.”

“Of course, we’ll invite both of your interns too. It’ll be much needed after hell month.” You just sit there, as they all talk, and Gojo is all pouty, like a baby. You peek at your phone now, seeing a text from your shitty ex, your face falls.

“Everything okay?” Maki asks softly, and you sigh, nodding.

“Just the ex.” You whisper back.

“Ex huh?” Satoru has somehow gotten behind you, leaning over, you smack at his hand then, glaring. “What, I wanna know!”

“You’re too fucking much sometimes. Ugh.” You stand up then, slinking past him. “I’m headed to get changed and then I’m leaving. See you all at home?” They all nod, eyeing you and Satoru curiously, you wave at the Doctors then head out.

Ugh, along with Satoru just being… weird and annoying, and your ex? He was a toxic, needy mess. He’d left you because you didn’t have enough time for him, and maybe you really didn’t, how could you have a relationship until your internship was finished? The first week none of you even left the hospital, sleeping in bunk beds and showering there.

But he constantly needed you, made you feel guilty, would fuck with your alarms and everything. Thank God he was long gone, even if he was annoying you currently, you delete his messages, heading to the locker room and hearing steps. You look back curiously to see Satoru holding the door open for you.

“What are you doing?”

“I am sorry, that was rude of me.”

“Yeah, well, what’s new.” You both walk into the locker room now, Satoru’s shrugging off his white lab coat, your cheeks heat up while you slip off your scrub top, it was normal to change in front of everyone, you all had co op locker rooms and showers even, all of you took years of anatomy, the human body was nothing really but parts.

But as you feel his eyes on you, when you’re down to just a black lace bra and a pair of boy shorts, you tense a bit, looking at him, shirtless, his lips parted as he looks at you. “I am sorry I know I annoy you, Miss perfect.”

“I’m no Miss perfect. I guess I have a lot to prove.” You say softly, trying not to drink in his rippling muscles, perfect well defined torso, cuts low where he’s now sliding up a pair of dark blue jeans.

His blue eyes fixate on you as he does, as you’re sliding on a pair of jeans yourself, buttoning them with trembling hands. “I had a lot to prove once too. I do understand.”

“You’re being serious?” You tease, earning a little smile, as he slides a black long sleeve shirt over his head. You get flustered as you realize your nipples are pressed against the cups of your bra, sliding your shirt and then a jacket on yourself, sitting at the bench to slide on your black boots.

“I can be serious sometimes, I just think there’s enough death, sadness, and depression in this career. Why not just try to have some fun? Otherwise, it’ll just consume you.” He says softly, in that husky voice of his, so sexy it alone could wreck someone. But his words…

“That makes sense.” You say softly now, standing as he does, grabbing your purse and locking up your locker, spinning the combination, at the same time he grabs his keys and wallet. “So you try to… brighten up things.”

“Yeah, someone has to.” He walks to you then, tapping your nose once more. “You’re too serious, you’ll have to lighten up, or this career will wreck you.”

You nod then, carefully, realizing perhaps this slutty, silly doctor had a lot more to him, than just being the perfect surgeon. “I’ll take that advice. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, also…” He leans forward as you all are stepping out of the locker room, headed toward the automatic glass doors, and you look at him curiously. “Nice panties.”

“Oh fuck you, Dr. Hojo!” You glare now, shoving at him, as he heads to his mercedes benz, and you’re in your ancient SUV that sounds like a beast.

“Night-night, intern.” He shoots you two fingers, sliding into his fancy car with blacked out windows. You roll your eyes, putting your car in gear.

What a day.

Part Two

[astonmartinii]

head over handlebars | lance stroll social media au

pairing: lance stroll x fem cyclist reader

some can be described as head over heels for their partner, lance just loves to go the extra mile

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

.・゜゜・ part of the aston martini summer olympics ・゜゜・．

yourusername

liked by mickschumacher, estebanocon and 493,607 others

tagged: lancestroll

yourusername: note to self, do not take lance to olympics training

view all comments

user1: MY HEART STOPPED I THOUGHT IT WAS Y/N FOR A SECOND

user2: for real i need my cycling queen in tip top shape that gold is calling her name

lancestroll: THERE WAS A ROCK ON THE ROAD I SWEAR I AM NOT COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT

yourusername: you don't need to explain yourself to me sweetie

lancestroll: are you sure 🥺

yourusername: yes honey i know you just wanted to keep up

lancestroll: i didn't want to hold you back 🥺

yourusername: it's okay babe, just focus on recovering, you are also a professional athlete, remember?

lancestroll: oh yeah....

user3: bro so down bad he forgot he's a whole formula one driver

user4: i need my man like this and nothing else

estebanocon: okay you've been nice enough now, how much did you laugh?

yourusername: I DIDN'T LAUGH

mickschumacher: he's fine!!! you can admit it this is a safe space !!

yourusername: he's got two broken wrists dude?

mickschumacher: and? he's already had surgery we're legally allowed to laugh

yourusername: okay fine... IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY ... obviously when i realised he was actually hurt it wasn't funny but like objectively it was funny

lancestroll: i guess it was kinda funny

yourusername: ALSO THE SOUND HE MADE WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY

user5: i mean yeah objectively it is funny that the boyfriend of an olympic cyclist fell off of his bike

user6: anyone wanna bet there wasn't a rock?

lancestroll: ...

lancestroll

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, estebanocon and 634,290 others

tagged: yourusername

lancestroll: i think i'm going to stick to four wheels ... good luck to the love of my life at the olympics, you're going to kill it !! xx

view all comments

user8: move over lance, we're ALL y/n's wag for the olympics

user9: every four years i become appropriately feral over this woman

lancestroll: every four years is rookie numbers pal

fernandoalo_oficial: WHERE ARE MY TICKETS LANCITO ???

lancestroll: excuse me ?

fernandoalo_oficial: i am bicycle enthusiast where are my tickets

fernandoalo_oficial: also i need to support my daughter

yourusername: i have acquired another father?

fernandoalo_oficial: yes and a supportive one so CHOP CHOP CANADA BOY WHERE ARE MY TICKETS ???

lancestroll: god fucking damnit i'm getting them old man

fernandoalo_oficial: thank you 🫶🥹

user10: well... that was something

user11: at least it means we'll get both lance and nando olympics content

yourusername: thank you baby !!! once i get that gold, we'll put that cardboard bed to the real test

lancestroll: 🤭🤭🤭

mickschumacher: IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING SALAD

yourusername: you're not invited ???

yourusername: also don't say you haven't thought about it

user12: VLOG? VLOG? VLOG?

user13: you people are nasty (please please please)

yourusername

liked by teamgb, fernandoalo_oficial and 609,204 others

tagged: lancestroll

yourusername: dreams do come true, never give up. thank you for always supporting me baby xx

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user15: i think i died and went to heaven

user16: i'm not even british but i felt so patriotic watching her fly around that track

user17: singing god save our queen but for HER ONLY

lancestroll: SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLY PROUD OF YOU

lancestroll: i would say i can't believe it but i can you are the most talented person i have ever met and you can do anything you put your mind to

lancestroll: i'm so glad you wanted to share this moment and your life with me xx

yourusername: awww baby you're going to make me cry again 🥹💗 i'm so so so happy you could be there because i wouldn't be here without you and this gold is just as much yours as it is mine

lancestroll: NO!!!!! this is your gold and yours alone, you earnt it with your own blood, sweat and tears. just being in a relationship is the real win for me here

yourusername: i love you 🥰

lancestroll: i love you more 🩷🩷🩷

user18: now THAT is a man who loves his girl oh wow

user19: like it's cute when athletes say that their wins are for their loved ones but it's nice when their partners tell them that it's THEIR win

user20: i love them so much

mickschumacher: THAT WAS FUCKING SICK

estebanocon: HOLY SHIT I'M STILL SO FUCKING HYPED

fernandoalo_oficial: THAT'S IT YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE NOW

yourusername: ahahahaa thank you guys !! thanks for coming to support me xx

user21: this little group and their olympics adventures is so dear to me

user22: we better see more of y/n in the paddock after the summer break now

lancestroll

liked by estebanocon, mickschumacher and 832,013 others

tagged: yourusername

lancestroll: i'm head over handlebars for you (quite literally) and i'm so proud of you, you deserve everything and more

view all comments

user23: bro won gold and is going to marry into one of the richest families ever, does she know how to lose?

user24: she needs to tell me her secret FOR REAL

yourusername: i love you so much lance, thank you for being there for me always

lancestroll: and i'll be there for you forever, if you'll have me

yourusername: there's no man i'll ever want again

lancestroll: and i don't want to be with anyone else ever

yourusername: we're so sappy i love us

lancestroll: why wouldn't i be sappy? i love you and it makes me mushy

mickschumacher: IT ALSO MAKES YOU LATE HURRY THE FUCK UP WE'RE TRYING TO GET DRUNK ON BEHALF OF Y/N

user25: thank the lord mick because i love these two as much as the next person but this level of loneliness as well as jealous towards people who are good at sports is CONCERNING FOR MY HEALTH

user26: so so so valid

user27: literally why didn't my parents push me into a sport when i was a toddler

estebanocon: first of all, fuck you for making us stand outside your hotel room while you banged. second of all, HURRY THE FUCK UP FERNANDO SAID HE'D COVER THE TAB AND WE NEED TO GET A COUPLE OF DRINKS BEFORE THE OLD MAN HAS TO GO TO BED

mickschumacher: i think they're still busy

estebanocon: ....

yourusername: WE'RE SORRY WE'RE COMING

mickschumacher: you sure were 🤨

lancestroll: okay we're finished you guys can stop being perverts

user28: okay so like this is proof these people are fucking insane even after things like WINNING A FUCKING GOLD MEDAL ???

user29: and they're queens for that i don't care

fin.

note: i am so so busy, i kind of hate this but i hope you guys enjoyed it!! xx

[lynnsenpai]

My ten year anniversary of beating cancer

On October 2nd 2014, I - a trans woman - was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I wanna talk about that a little today. (((Probably obvious trigger warnings, but I'm going to talk about cancer, mortality, and transphobia.)))

It was a crazy time, because that morning, I was just going in for my yearly physical with my doctor. I planned to talk to her about taking steps towards bottom surgery that day, and then I was just excited to get home and count down the hours until Smash Bros for 3DS would release the very next day. But the appointment went an unexpected direction during the physical.

I'd always been told by doctors my whole life to check for lumps, and as much as I hated that part of my body, I did as I was told. So when I never found lumps, I assumed that meant I was okay. Then my doctor told me one of them felt oddly hard. She left the room for some time (I assume to check some things) and when she returned, she explained she had some concerns and was sending to another specialist to confirm some things. She said she felt very sure it was a sign of testicular cancer, though.

At the time, my brain wasn't ready to hear that. My doctor was visibly shaken. My spouse was on the verge of tears. And I was deep in denial like, "but I mean there's a chance it might not be, right? So I'm not going to sweat it." In hindsight, I'm sure I was frustrating to listen to for not taking it seriously. But it wasn't like I was trying to be obstinate, I just was that strongly in disbelief. I didn't feel sick. I wasn't in any pain. Things were going well; this couldn't possibly be happening now.

And yet, a few days later, I saw the specialist, and it was confirmed. I had cancer. Any optimistic doubts I had, shot down in an instant. The specialist wanted to take care of this as fast as he could, so I was scheduled for surgery at the end of the month, and he gave me a stack of prescriptions for various tests I would go to - basically one a day - for the next few weeks.

I had lots of blood drawn. I had x-rays done. I had CT scans. I had an incredibly awkward, uncomfortable ultrasound. And at each appointment, I was seeing some new doctor, nurse, technician, or otherwise professional who probably looked at my chart and, despite my legally changed name and gender marker by that point, saw that the person in front of them had testicular cancer. “And such a person could only be a man.”

I feel like it must sound so petty to be worried about pronouns when you're dealing with something like cancer. But I want to stress that I was nearly a year in presenting full time as myself by that point. I hadn't been called a man in a very long time. And up until earlier that very month, I was on cloud nine and ready to take the next step in my transition. This whole ordeal, on top of being horrendously scary, also took huge strides in regressing all the progress I'd made with confidence and self-love over the previous two years.

And it got worse too. Insurance refused to cover the surgery because I changed the gender marker. Because "why would a woman need to get surgery to remove a testicle. That's just silly!" And there was no convincing them otherwise. Insult to injury, I had to change that gender marker back to an M in their system so that they would approve this surgery. It was a surprisingly easy change to make happen too (which was technically beneficial for the surgery, but also sucked in its own way).

Oh, and then I had to go off all my HRT meds in preparation to reduce the risk of blood clots during surgery. I never felt lower.

All the while, I had plenty of time to think about my mortality. I was only 30. What about my spouse who I love more than anything and might be leaving alone forever? What about my ongoing webcomic, my work of passion which at the time was only nearing about the halfway point, and was at risk of being left unfinished forever? And what about my own future that not so long ago felt so bright?

It would not be an understatement to call October 2014 one of the darkest, heaviest, scariest periods of my life. But not in that good fun "Halloweeny" way.

But the big day came. On October 28th - ten years ago today - I went in for surgery for the first time. I was in the OR for maybe an hour, and the cancerous testicle was removed. As suddenly as it started, it was over.

Recovery was a long and painful (without dragging out the story longer than it already is, the surgical site got infected, so healing probably ended up taking longer than it should have). But the good news, all things considered, was that they successfully removed it, and I wouldn't even need chemo because it was caught so early.

There's technically more to the story. I would later see an oncologist who encouraged a second surgery, to remove the other testicle, as well as lymph nodes around the kidneys, all as a preventative measure to make sure it didn't come back or spread. I didn't love this idea, but she seemed confident that this was the right choice, so I went along with it. And just four months after the first surgery, I went and did it all again. (This time went much more smoothly, but was a much bigger incision, and was still a very long recovery.)

The whole thing, start to finish - including recovery time - was only about 7 months long. I would go for regular oncology visits and testing and blood draws along the way for years to come, but it never showed up again.

In 2016, I finally got back on track for bottom surgery, and then had it done later that same year. My gender marker is back to being an F (where it should be) on everything. I also have two wicked cool scars to show that I conquered cancer.

Unfortunately, I don't think I ever fully mentally recovered from the emotional stress of that first month, as doctor visits still evoke way more anxiety for me than they used to. But I don't get misgendered anymore, at least.

This was all ten years ago I wasn't sure I'd still be here on this day back then. But I got through it. I'm still here for my spouse. I finished that first webcomic after an 11 year run, and have since started a second. And… I'm doing okay. I'm doing the best I can everyday.

It was a terrible time in my life - an especially terrible way to start my 30's - but I think it helps to talk about from time to time. And the ten year anniversary, feels as meaningful a time as any.

So thank you for reading all that. Please make sure to take care of and check yourself. Even if it's a part of yourself you don't want.

Stay safe, stay happy, and stay healthy everyone.

[wosoamazing]

A New Chapter

Y/N Williamson Epilogue?? (My last fic before I refresh my page/content...)

IMPORTANT: This fic involves a heterosexual relationship between R and a Fictional character... If this is something you don't want to read I suggest you move on. WARNINGS: bad injury (hip), mentions of hospitals and surgery, moving away, rehab, heterosexual relationships, some swearing, periods, endometriosis, vomit/mentions of, being scared to return home, mild sickness, kids?, hints/links to miscarriage (not everyone will notice), suggestive?? - it's long so there are a lot, I have tried to list them in order, however if you do really want to read it but you can't bc of some of the warnings message me and I can see if I can cut that part of the story out for you. A/N: Not properly edited yet, I will edit it later - so sorry if any mistakes. Also sorry if the second half of it feels rushed, it was getting so long but I may have accidentally rushed it trying to make it not insanely long... (Word Count: 7462 - be prepared, hopefully it's not boring)

Your dream of playing in an Olympics Final came crashing down 15 minutes into the Matildas’ opening match of the tournament. A corner had been given, Steph kicked it in and the next second you were on the ground in agony, it seemed to happen in fast forward for you. However for Leah, who was watching at home, the moment unfolded so agonisingly slowly, she saw Frohms place a hand on your shoulder restricting you from jumping, as Oberdorf jumped into the air behind you, if it wasn't for Frohms’ hand on your shoulder the goal could’ve been yours, she was angry and hoped the ref had picked up on it, however she wasn’t angry for long, as she saw the trajectory Oberdorf was coming down on, her jump slightly too high meaning she lost control. Time slowed to an almost stop as Leah froze sat in front of the TV, watching as Oberdorfs midsection completely landed on top of your left shoulder, she almost felt her heart stop as she saw your left leg brace, watching as it popped out from the force of Oberdorfs head hitting your thigh, causing you to completely crumple onto the ground. Thankfully the players around reacted quick enough to grab onto Oberdorf and flip her, otherwise your injury wouldn’t have been the worst, and something unimaginable could’ve happened. She saw your body jolt as you were turned onto your back, the look on your face along with the scream you let out indicating your hip most likely popped back into place. The full weight of it all occurred seconds later when a phone was brought onto the pitch and steph did something on it, Leah’s phone started to ring.

“Leah, she,” Steph breathed out not knowing what to say

“I know. I saw. Can I talk to her?” Leah asked before hearing some shuffling from the other end, watching Steph crouch down next to you on the TV.

“Le-ah,” your voice came across the phone, it was full of pain and fear, Leah was honestly surprised you hadn’t passed out from the pain yet, but maybe you were running on adrenaline or shook, all she was certain about was that she needed to be there for you, in one way or another.

“Hi bug, you’re doing so well, being so brave. They are going to take good care of you, I promise. I love you so so much, and I’ll be there very soon, you’ve got this bug,” she told you before Steph took the phone back to her ear as the medics needed to move you, “we’re coming, our flight is in like an hour, we are actually about to leave now,” she informed her club teammate as she watched her fiance leave the bedroom wheeling a suitcase behind her.

______

You were immediately taken into surgery, where they did x-rays and scans. You woke up a few hours later surrounded by machines, unable to feel your left leg, but your left shoulder and torso ached badly, but quickly you noticed Steph, Sam, Leah, Lia and Alexia all sitting around the white washed sterile room. The people who you looked up to in your life and who inspired you, all in a hospital room, to be there for you, for some it meant taking time out of their teams olympic tournament. Maybe even risking unfair punishment and her mental health for one. For two others it meant getting on a plane last minute, dropping all other plans, including the IVF appointment they had waited a year for, not knowing when the next one would be, willingly letting go of their hope to have kids in the near future for you. In that moment you realised how much you meant to them, never before had the meaning of you to them been so tangible, they meant the universe and more to you, but maybe you meant ever more than that to them.

Leah noticed your eyes open and moved beside your bed, “Hey bug, how are you feeling?” she said ever so softly, and you just blinked groggily at her as she leant in to kiss your forehead mumbling “I love you very much,” before her hands moved to cup your face and her thumbs wiped away the silent tears that had started to fall from your eyes. The others all got up and left not only to find a doctor but give you two a moment of privacy.

“Hi, Y/N, nice to see you awake, I’m Dr NAME and this is Dr NAME, we were the two surgeons who operated on you,” one of the doctors spoke as they walked in, smiling at you, you kind of nodded at them and watched as their gaze turned to Leah before going through your chart, “and you’re Leah,” she nodded at them. “Okay so,” he started talking but you were too tired to listen and zoned out, hearing the words, dislocated, hairline fracture, Iliofemoral and Pubofemoral. You would eventually come to find those are the things that happened to your, during the fall your tore your  Iliofemoral and Pubofemoral ligaments, which then meant when Oberdorf’s head hit your thigh it was a lot easier for your hip to dislocate which it did, you had a hairline fracture in your femoral neck but it was unknown which mechanics of the injury caused that, sometimes they would insert a pin but as yours was only small and you were young, they didn’t, it also meant they likelihood of you returning to football was higher, however you still would most likely never return.

You were stuck in Paris until the end of the tournament, the risk of you flying back home versus the ‘risk’ of you staying there were incomparable and so you and your crutches, along with your bandaged hip, sporting the equivalent of a hinged knee brace but for a hip over your leggings, were dragged along to the final match, the first time you had been in the public's eye properly since your injury. You were dreading this match for multiple reasons. It meant you would be in the media’s sight, and you would also have to interact with the people you had been ignoring. But even more it meant you had to watch your teammates and ‘family’ get to do the one thing you had ever dreamt of, the thing that was almost never going to happen now. You stood alongside Sam during the national anthem, wearing an official match jersey, your own name on your back, as a tear rolled down your cheek, which after the anthem Sam wiped away before hugging you tightly. She understood the pain to some extent, however she knew well and truly before the olympics started the team could make it to the final and she would be standing on the sidelines, for you it was different, you should’ve been on that pitch today, if it wasn’t for your injury you would’ve been starting, as the main forward, but that didn;t matter now, you would probably never start for the matildas or any football club/team again, she knew it, the team knew it, the world knew it, you even knew it, you just didn’t want to have to face that reality.

The whistle blew and every single member of the Australian’s on the sidelines got up and sprinted onto the pitch, except you, every single A.O.C football personal was on the pitch celebrating, but you weren’t. You couldn't, you couldn’t get up, but that's not the reason you were not on the pitch, you didn’t want to be, you didn’t deserve to be.

The next second the whole bench shook, Kyra had catapulted herself into the row of seats in front of you, you looked up, her face shiny from sweat, holding the world's biggest grin, “come join us,” you just shook your head, “I can help, I’ll be sensible and careful. Please?” she begged, causing a tear to roll down your cheek, causing her face to quickly drop as she moved to hug you, making you cry more, causing more girls to start to filter over to you, all leaving with dampened moods, all having failed attempts at cheering you up and failing to convince you to join them. All celebrating as they walked across the stage receiving their medals, whilst they lifted the trophy, but the pain in their eyes was evident, you watched Kyra bite her nail nervously as she looked into your direction, you were still sat in you seat, having refused to collect your medal, you played 15 minutes you didn’t deserve it. You burdened the team, Steph spent way too long laying awake in her bed, the moment replaying in her head everytime she closed her eyes. Kyra cried herself to sleep almost every night, she missed you, you might’ve been with them physically but that was it, she knew she would have to go back to Arsenal without you and most likely never play with you again and that hurt her. Macca couldn’t shake the feeling of horror that ran through her body as she heard your scream so loud and clear from the other end of the pitch, she hadn’t even had her hearing aids in and yet it sounded like you were inside her ear. If anything the team had won in spite of you, you had in no way helped them get there, you were the cause for their pain, you didn’t deserve a medal at all.

“Bebita,” Alexia said softly as she bobbed down in front of you, “No,” you harshly snapped at her, “Et mereixes una medalla, les vas aconseguir aquí i vas formar part de l'equip sigui el que passi. (You deserve a medal, you got them here and you were part of the team no matter what),” you just shook your head at her, “Bé, doncs, almenys deixa'm agafar el teu i guardar-lo segur per a tu, per quan el vulguis després. (Well then at least let me take yours and keep it safe for you, for when you want it later.)” you shrugged your shoulders and so she placed your medal around her neck, for you. Before pulling you into a tight hug and not letting go for a very long time. The no you said to Alexia had been the last word you spoke to anyone before flying back under the intense supervision of the medics to England, where Lia and Leah meet you at the airport, taking you home.

______

“What’s wrong?” your sister asked, having put up with your attitude for way too long knowing you needed to break and rather than continuing to walk on eggshells waiting for you to break she decided to do it the hard way, allowing you to use her as a punching bag until you broke.

“What’s wrong, you’re fucking joking right, are you somesort of imbesile,” you sneered at her, “Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact I’ll never fucking play again, my career is over at 18, the rug has literally been swept out from under my feet, and none of it was even my fault, noone even got a fucking red, for ending my career, the ref decided that a career ending injury didn’t equate to a red. I had to watch as my friends my family lived out my dream, my fucking dream, I’m olympian, but am I really, 15 fucking minutes out of a minimum 540 minutes, I’m 2% of an olympian, I suppose that 2% counts though right? It’s not like I helped the team, I made it harder, I don’t deserve a medal but everyone else seems to think otherwise.”

“But you do bug, you were there, you got your team there, you were going to be the best young player of the year,” Leah tried to reason with you.

“Going being the key word there, I was going to win a Balloon d’or, I was going to be in the fifa best 11, I was going to win a golden boot, I was going to be and do so many things, but going is past tense, it’s never going to happen, I’m never going to get any awards ever again.” You shouted at her.

“Where are you going?” Leah asked as she watched you stand up, the room having fallen to silence moments ago.

“Away from you, I-, I-” you shook your head trying to clear your mind, Leah stepped closer to you, knowing your walls were about to crumble.

“What am I meant to do now, Le?” you asked, completely and utterly broken, “What happens now?”

Leah swallowed back her emotions “I don’t know bug, I’m sorry,” you collapsed into her and she picked you up being mindful of your hip, before lying down on the couch, your body on top of hers. You buried your head into her neck as you sobbed, your whole body shook, and all Leah could do was hold you, and try and comfort you and reassure you in a moment where there were no answers, how are you meant to comfort someone and give them reassurance when the doctors don’t even know. How are you meant to tell someone it's going to be okay when the only way to know what will happen is for them to go through an excruciating rehab process only to then very likely be told they could never play again.

____________________________________________________________

You were cleared to fly long distances 3 months after your surgery, 2 months since you returned, so that’s what you did. You flew to Australia, bought an apartment and started a new life essentially, one that not everyone knew your past in intricate detail, however being a Matilda most people knew who you were but it was different.

Charlie got Lachlan to keep an eye on you and so you did things with his friends and sometimes even his team. You found yourself getting closer to one of his friends in particular, he always made sure you weren't left behind because they were walking too fast, he was ‘coincidentally’ at the same rehab gym you went to when you first put weight on your leg still relying on your crutches heavily, he celebrated for you but quite, not to make you uncomfortable, he offered to drive you to your appointment the one where you were allowed to use only one crutch, he celebrated for you then too, a bit more openly but not nearly as enthusiastic as he would’ve liked. You invited him to the appointment where you would start walking without any assistance, he celebrated quite loudly for you that day, insisting he needed to take you out for dinner, you accepted it, hoping it would lead to something more, and it did. You quickly found yourself spending more time at his house than yours, more of your belongings there than you had at your own home. He was honestly perfect, and for whatever reason you had this feeling that a shoe would drop any second. 

— FLASHBACK — 

One night he woke up to you crying in your sleep, sitting up slightly he noticed there was blood on the sheets underneath you. Shaking you softly, he woke you up, before quietly saying “Baby, I think you’ve come on.”

“Shit,” you sighed out before curling into a tighter ball, “Why don’t you go have a shower and I’ll change the sheets,” He offered as he kissed your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, rolling over to your back, “why?”, “because I’ve bleed all over the sheets, sorry,” “Baby, it's just a little blood, it’s okay, don’t worry,” you nodded before getting up and hobbling to the bathroom.

“Hey, babe you okay?” he asked as he approached the bathroom door, having finished changing the sheets, you didn’t reply to him, but he heard the muffled sounds of you crying, “I’m coming in okay,” he told you before softly opening the door, seeing you on the floor, your legs curled underneath you, as you sobbed, he bobbed down next to you, placing a hand on your back, “Do I need to take you to the hospital? I don’t think this is normal,” you shook your head as you reached to grab his hand as another wave of pain washed over you, taking a deep breath you fought off the nausea before blurting out “endometriosis,” hoping he could make conclusions from that.

“Do you need your tablets or something?” he asked and you looked at him confused. How did he know?

“My sister's girlfriend has it, I don’t know much about it but I know some things. Are your tablets in the drawer in the kitchen with the tape and stuff, are they the things in the arsenal pouch?” He asked and you nodded, being in too much pain to talk. He quickly left and returned, with your tablets, some water and heat packs.

“Not blue box,” you told him and he nodded before popping out some of the other tablets as per the labels and handing them to you.

“Do you want me to hold you?” he asked as a tear rolled down your cheek, “But-” you tried to protest weakly.

“I honestly don't care. I just want to help, I want you to feel better,” you nodded shyly at him and he picked you up placing you in his lap as he handed you a heat pack, you curled up and hid your head in his chest, falling asleep eventually.

— END FLASHBACK — 

You met up with some of the Matildas’ for coffee during one of their camps, and he and Lachlan came, him on the basis he was Lachlan’s friend.

“How long?” Steph asked as she walked alongside you, both slightly behind the others.

“What?” “You know what I mean, how long?” “I don’t know, it started as friends and then the lines blurred and then somewhere along the way he asked me to be his girlfriend,” she hummed in response, “Have you told Leah?” “What do you think,” you asked her before Harper ran up to you.

Later that night you were lying in bed next to him, head resting on his shoulder as his finger drew soft circles on your hip, over your leggings, when your phone buzzed.

Steph: You need to tell Leah. I know you don’t want to, but just think about it this way, at least you won't be telling her in person. But no, I seriously think telling her sooner rather than later would be better.

You sighed after reading her message dropping your phone on the mattress next to you, you dreaded telling your sister, especially when you already barely spoke.

“What’s wrong,” he asked as you rolled on top of him, letting out a heavy breath.

“Steph figured us out and is insisting I tell Leah,”  “Oh, why don’t you want to tell Leah?” “Do you want to tell your brother?” “Shit no,” “Exactly,” there is a pause,  “but I do need to tell Leah, especially if I am going to go back when you go on holidays,”

“You can stay here, you know that right?”

“No, I have to go back. Barça wants to announce my departure officially anyway. I don’t have a choice,” you sighed out, “what if I messaged and then just threw my phone out”

“You know you can’t do that,” he chuckled softly, causing you to groan as you rolled off him.

“I don’t want to have to face them all, I ran away, they probably want nothing to do with me anymore anyway,”

“I don’t know if that’s true, Steph and Kyra were so happy and excited to see you today, so was the rest of the team but especially them.” he said and you nodded before he spoke again, “Well I don’t know about Charli, she was too busy catching up with Lachy to even notice you were there I think,” you laughed at his comment, you turned the TV onto the Arsenal match which was about to start as the pair of you feel into silence.

“Would you ever want kids?” he asked you out of the blue.

“Um, yeah, most likely, especially now it won’t be interrupting my career,” you tried to joke, “why?” “Oh, just curious, you were just really good with Harper and her little brother today, and I don’t know why but that thought came up. Also, doesn't Steph have a kid?” 

“Yeah, he stayed in London with Dean for this camp,” he just nodded as your attention both went back to the game.

____________________________________________________________

“What do you want for lunch?” Leah asked as you sat down in one of the kitchen stools as Leah and Lia walked into the kitchen. Leah had picked you up from the airport but as Harry was actually on holiday with his friends you went your separate ways, however you had a lunch planned for tomorrow with him, you, Leah and Lia.

“Not eggs,” Lia injected before you could answer, you were confused about her answer but just nodded anyway.

“Um, I don’t really care, I’m not that hungry anyway,”

They decided on Ham Sandwiches for lunch and as you ate you caught up with them, before ending up on the couch watching TV with them, they were still talking however you had fallen more silent, leaning into Leah’s side for a hug, “You okay? You’ve just gone a bit quiet and look a bit pale,” Leah asked looking down at you.

“Mmm, I’m just a bit tired,” you admitted.

“Why don’t you go up to sleep, we have no plans until tomorrow.” you nodded before moving to go upstairs.

______

“Bug you okay?” Leah asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed, brushing her hand over your face causing you to stir slightly.

“Mmmm, sorry do you want me to go?” you mumbled half asleep.

“No, it’s okay, you can stay in here, just wanted to check you were okay,” you nodded slightly before letting out a rather chesty cough, “you sure about being okay?” you just groaned at her before rolling over, feeling her slip in behind you and pull you in for a hug, it felt just like old times.

“What are you doing in here?” Leah asked as she entered the bathroom, obviously just waking up from her midday nap.

“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” you informed her.

“Oh, scoot forward,” she instructed you and you moved away from the wall. She sat behind you before pulling you onto her lap, you collapsed back into her, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you said breaking the silence as you turned your head on her shoulder so you could look at her, “I should’ve told you, you did some much for me, you were there for me my whole life and then I just up left, no warning, nothing, and then I basically ghosted you,”

“It’s okay,” she told you

“But it wasn’t, I even told you about Harry over text, the first thing I told you in months after not even telling you I could walk without crutches was that I had a-” “Boyfriend,” “Well yeah,”

“I understand, and I understood, it was hard, don’t get that wrong, but it isn’t the only time one of us has just upped and left, I think you’d remember how once I got my professional contract and I had to move, I didn’t tell you, I couldn’t bare to see your sad little face when I told you, so I just left, at least you had a reason, I didn’t have one at all, and you technically had two reasons, the injury and payback,”

“I forgot about that, but thank you for reminding me, I will use it if Mum or Dad get angry at me,” 

“Please don’t, but I do understand. You did it for you, you needed to find yourself, figure out who you were without football, which meant you needed to be separated from everything that reminded you of what was once, of what you loved and still love, and that included us, and it;s okay. I was never angry, I just really missed you, you’re still my baby sister, and no matter what happens you will still be the most important person in my life.”

“Oh,” you felt your gut sink at her confession, suddenly the feeling of being sick became very real, “I’m sorry,” you replied quietly as you moved your head back flat against her shoulder, staring at the ceiling. You felt your mouth fill with saliva and closed your eyes taking some deep breaths.

“Should we cancel lunch tomorrow?” Leah asked as you continued to take deep breaths knowing why you were.

“No,” you said as you shook your head, the nausea having finally passed, “I’ll be fine, I just need to sleep more,”

“Okay, also Lia has an appointment with the medics tomorrow just so they can do some checks and stuff, it's before lunch but you’ll probably have to come and just hang out at the club because otherwise we might be late to lunch,” you nodded your head before you felt yourself dozing off.

____

“Hey, how are you?” Aaron asked as he walked into the gym followed by Declan, you had decided to do some of your rehab exercises while you waited for Lia and Leah.

“Yeah, pretty good. You?” You replied kindly

“Alright, know much about your prospects yet?” he asked, referring to your hip, you froze, not knowing what to say.

“Um, not yet, still another month until I find out,” you lied, you had already been told, but you weren’t ready to tell anyone else yet.

As you continued with your exercises, you couldn’t help but notice your heart rate get faster and your chest get tighter as time passed. When you felt yourself slightly shaking you slipped out of the gym, sliding down the wall in the hallway, your actions didn’t go unnoticed by declan who quickly followed you out but walked past you down to the medics office. He returned following behind Leah, who bobbed down next to you before looking up at him.

“Please don’t tell anyone about what we were speaking about in there,” she asked him

“Of course I wouldn’t Leah, it’s your own personal information, I’m sorry for interrupting, it’s just that,” he gestured towards you, “and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“No thank you,” she said before shifting her focus to you.

“Hey, what's going on? You okay? Do you feel sick?” she asked in a soft, concerned voice, you couldn’t manage to speak so you just shook your head, “Take some deep breaths, you’re okay, it’s okay, nothing happened, you’re safe.”

“I can’t play,” you managed to get out after some deep breaths, the words almost immediately lifting a weight of your chest, “I’m never going to play again, I can’t,” you told her before breaking down into tears.

“Oh Bug, I’m so sorry,” she said as she pulled you in for a tight hug.

“How much longer are we here for?” you asked as you pulled away, having calmed down slightly.

“Probably ten more minutes. Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

“A little, once I was out long term the offers started to come out anyway but I haven’t really considered them. I’m thinking of coaching though, I just can’t decide,” Leah hummed in response to you, and you sat in silence, just embracing her presence until Lia came out.

____________________________________________________________

After you spoke with Leah and Lia about not playing it was decided you needed to ask someone who wasn’t affected by your choice in any way. So you decided on going to Barcelona at the same time as Harry, for different reasons though. Hoping Alexia could help and give you some guidance.

So that’s how you found yourself sat in your seat on the plane as it sat on the tarmac waiting to disembark, your right knee bounced up and down uncontrollably as you nervously looked up and down the aisle. When you felt a hand placed on your knee, you jumped slightly before relaxing into the touch slightly, “It’s going to be okay, stop worrying, from what you’ve told me they will only care that you are okay and safe, they might be slightly annoyed but they’ll understand.” You nodded whilst stilling looking around, “and remember you can call me at anytime and I can come to you at anytime you want me to, the boys won't mind, they might just make a condition that they have to meet the team if that occurs,” you both let out a light laugh at that.

As you walked out of customs his hand slipped into yours, and you dropped your head onto his shoulder, causing him to kiss your temple. Just ahead you saw Lucy, who had raised her eyebrows, ignoring her you turned to him and hugged him. “I’m going to miss you so much,” you mumbled into his neck, “Same, but remember you can call whenever you need and I’ll call every night,” you nodded before you pulled your head out of his neck and your lips connected, your legs lifting to wrap around his waist as he wrapped his arms around yours.

“All right you two, stop sucking face, we need to go,” Lucy said interrupting you.

You huffed at her and she gave you the same look she would give you when you huffed at her for not getting you second ice cream when you were younger at England camps.

“Didn’t take you as someone who would be into PDAs Mini Leah,” Lucy teased you knowing the nickname would set you off.

“Well Lucy, when you’re in love, those things don’t matter,” you replied to her dramatically as you followed her out of the airport.

____

Its safe to say walking into the place you called home two years ago was emotional, and as you stood there waiting for Lucy to get everything she needed out of the car, Alexia and Mapi walked by, however Mapi halted, she was stopped in her tracks, as she was behind alexia who hadn't noticed you, and kept walking.

“Ale, Alexia,” Mapi stood there calling for her, “Alexia” she shouted,

“Què (what)”, Mapi couldn’t do anything other than gesture to you with her head, Alexia came running back down the hall and froze when she saw you.

“What’s wrong with them?” Lucy asked as she finally walked through the doors.

They stuttered, not being able to get words out, Lucy just ignored them and pulled you along behind her, to the pitch, where everyone was celebrating. Making your way over to where Ingrid, Frido and Ona stood, all giving you a hug, before a small girl came running up to you, “opp, Klem,” she said whilst she made grabby hands at you, she was Ingrid and Mapi’s daughter.

“I’m sorry, I can’t pick you up because I have an ouchie hip,” you said as you looked at her softly before looking back up at your old teammates, who all gave you sorry looks.

“Please don’t do that, that’s not why I came,” you sighed out before walking over to where Olga was standing by herself.

“Hi,” she said as she smiled and hugged you, you caught Alexia looking at you with a concerned look from the corner of her eye, Lucy and Kiera were talking to her and Mapi, most likely about how you didn’t want to be treated differently etc.

“Hi, is she mad?” you asked Olga, stepping away from the hug slightly.

“What?” “That I didn’t come to the wedding?” “A little upset Si, but not mad, more concerned, but we understood.” you nodded at her “it did take a week to calm her down after she found out you left England, she wasn’t mad though, more scared of whether you were safe or not,” you nodded weakly as you bit your bottom lip.

“Bebita,” Alexia said as she came up to you hugging you, before standing between you and Olga, almost the whole team following behind, creating a circle as they all started talking, it felt just like old times, like no time had passed, but it had almost been two years, you were struggling to follow the conversation like you used to, having not used your spanish in so long, everything was bringing back old times, old memories, memories you wished you could keep living, but this chapter of your life was over now, you moved to stand in front of Alexia and hug her, she wraps her arms around you whilst continuing her conversations, your shoulders started to shake softly as you started to cry and everyone looked at her concerned however she shook her head, indicating for them to continue and ignore it. After a while you seemed to have managed to calm down and you pulled away from Allexia slightly, she cupped your face in her hands, “Whatever happens, it's going to be okay.” you gave her a weak nod before moving to stand next to her.

“We are going for dinner at Ingrid and Mapi’s tonight, most of the team will be there and I think Harder and Erikson are coming too, you can come if you want.” Alexia said as you entered the ever so familiar house.

“Um, okay,” you said as you placed your phone on the table and went to grab a drink from the fridge before hearing your phone ring, Alexia caught a glimpse of the screen as she handed it to you. She knew exactly who it was from the look on your phone, not who the person was but who they were to you.

“Don’t tell anyone please, not many know yet,” she nodded, “do I get to meet this boy?”

“Alexia,” Olga called out sternly from the living room, clearly she still was in charge, something that hadn’t changed.

“Maybe, I think his friends and him are going to the game this weekend,” you said before you answered the phone and retreated to the spare room noticing how it was still your room and not a spare room at all.

____

You were sitting on the floor with Hailee, having been dragged away from your conversation with Mapi, Ingrid, Alexia and Olga by the small girl into her playroom. Not that you really minded though.

“They’ve told you you can’t play again haven’t they,” you were startled slightly by the unfamiliar voice, looking up to see Madga leaning on the door frame.

“How did you know?”

“I don’t know, I just could tell, maybe because I only knew you as football, where as they knew you as football and you, so they can’t see it. Does anyone know?”

“Yeah, Lia and Leah, and someone else, and now also you supposedly,” you flatly replied.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” you looked at her blankly, “I’ll take that as nothing, what if you came over to Frido’s while the team is at training and Pernille and I help you decide, we have no connection, it could help,”

“Bayern don’t need a new coach?” she shook her head, and you just nodded slightly, “okay so it’s settled then,” she said before turning around, “Frido, do you have a big whiteboard at home? If no, we need to buy one before tomorrow morning,” you heard her yell out as she walked away.

____________________________________________________________

Having made your decision with the help of Magda and Pernille you returned to England with Harry. To tell Arsenal, after it was official, just not yet announced, you went for lunch with Leah, Lia and Harry to tell them all, Lia and Leah took it well however Harry jumped out of his seat saying he needed to be somewhere, and since he wouldn’t return your calls, so you had no clue if you would see him or not, maybe he was leaving you.

“Turn around,” Steph said as she saw Harry running to the facility doors where you were waiting for Lia and Leah to get out of the car, having a chat with Steph.

“Will you move in with me?” He blurted out, slightly puffed as he reached you.

“What?” You questioned not understanding what he meant.

“I didn’t answer your call, or your message or your subsequent calls because I was doing something, for you, for me, for us. Remember how I played Rugby Union in high school,” you nodded, “well, I wasn’t ignoring you because I was mad you took the job, I wasn’t ignoring you at all, I was trialling for a rugby club, so we could be together, I love you too much and you mean too much for me to go back halfway across the world from you. They offered me a contract, it isn’t the greatest, but it will do, anything that means I can stay with you is perfect,” tears started to fall from your eyes, “I’m sorry,” he said slightly panicking, questioning if he said something wrong.

“No, no,” you said as you shook your head, wrapping your arms around his neck and picking your legs up “Thank you,” you mumbled into his ear before placing your head on his shoulder, not believing it.

“I’m assuming it worked?” Leah asked as she walked towards the three of you, he nodded in her direction as you let go, “ready to do this?” your sister asked as she looked at you and you nodded, starting to feel nervous agin.

____

“I’m coming back to Arsenal,” you told everyone as you stood in front of them, Harry standing on the sides, Jonas inisting he come in considering he was there already, they all cheered slightly before you interrupted them, “but not in the way you probably all want, I’m going to be part of the staff, the coaching team, I-,” your voice cracked, as you took a shaky breath “I won’t-, I-I can’t ever play again. I will never be able to play again, it’s uncertain whether I will be able to run without pain, let alone play,” you sniffed, you felt panic rise within you, “I’m sorry,” you said quietly before walking out the door tears streaming down your face, trying to ignore the looks of sorry, disappointment or confusion. Leah’s immediate reaction was to stand up and go to you, but Lia tugged her arm forcing her back down in her chair, gesturing to the figure that was rushing out the door after you. 

-

“I’m sorry, I-'' you blubbered out as someone came towards you, “Hey, none of that, baby none of this is your fault, and you literally have nothing to apologise about,” he said as he stood in front of you, you immediately fell into him at the sound of his voice and felt his strong arms hold you tight as you buried your head in his neck, he started swaying you and gave you a small kiss on the side of your head every now and then, trying to calm you down, knowing that was probably one of the hardest things you had to say, he knew you always wanted to finish your career at Arsenal, and now that was never going to happen, at least in the way you wanted, you would never be a Matilda again, you would never walk out onto a football pitch in the same way again, your goals were changing and you were struggling with that. He knew that, no matter how much you tried to hide your feelings.

The door creaked as it opened and Harry looked over to it, seeing Steph walk out, who handed him a water bottle as she gave him a soft smile before walking back into the room. He continued to sway you both slightly, keeping one hand around you as he took a quick sip from the bottle.

“Baby, do you want some water?” you nodded, taking the bottle of him and drinking out of it.

-

Leah was still inside crying into Lia’s shoulder, most people had left the room now giving everyone a bit of space. “Do you want to go home? Is this about what just happened or this morning?”

“All of it. It’s stupid, I just feel like I’m losing her now too, and it’s dumb, she was never mine in the first place but-” Leah confessed, before getting cut off by Lia.

“It’s not stupid Le, we have a lot of things happening in our life, a lot of news, and not a lot of time to process it all, it’s hard, and I know you feel like you have to be strong for her, for me, for us but you don’t, it’s okay,” Lia tried to reassure her.

“I shouldn’t be upset, I mean you're the one going through it all, and here I am complaining about my life.” Leah hiccuped.

“Hey, I might be the only one going through it physically but mentally we are both going through it, and you have more on your mind then I do, I understand, you don’t have to apologise for being upset, no matter if I’m experiencing worse, we are a team forever and always no matter what happens, no matter whether we have an addition to our team or not.” Leah nodded before pulling away from her and standing up noticing you had come back inside.

She pulled you towards you and wrapped you in a much needed hug, you didn’t want to let go, and neither did she.

____________________________________________________________

2028 Olympic Games

As the final whistle blew your players immediately ran over to you and your staff, celebrating as a team. 

Commentator One: And they’ve done it, the Matildas have won the Olympics for the second time in a row. 

Commentator two: Y/N Williamson has led the Matildas to victory after a drought, a much needed piece of silverware for the team that was starting to lose the country's hope.

It was a risky decision for Football Australia to choose you as new head coach, even you knew it, especially as you would only be joining the team in person at camp three weeks before the Olympics started, due to circumstances, but you started work much earlier than that, much to everyone's disbelief. You were however quickly ushered away from your team for a post match interview, causing you to catch sight of your sister who has collapsed onto the floor in tears. Taking a mental note to go over and comfort her later.

“Do you want to go see your Auntie?” You said to the two small people who clutched onto your hands as you walked onto the pitch.

“We-ah,” “we see Weah,” they piped up at the mention of her and you let go of their hands, “go on then,” you watched as they ran over to her, smiles bright, not knowing the meaning of the moment that just happened, them being so happy just to see their Aunt. 

“Alessia, hand the baby over,” you said to her as she held the newest addition to the Williamson family.

“Do you want to go say hi to your Mummy?” you asked the 3 month old as you placed her against your chest.

Leah’s face softened even more as she watched you approach her with her daughter, “you know, I’m never going to be able to thank you enough or repay you for this,” she said as you passed Lilly over to her, “but maybe you taking the gold away from me, means I don’t have to.”

“I told you, it’s nothing, honestly, you don’t have to repay me, buuut…..” you dragged on, she raised an eyebrow, “can you take the boys tonight, I have some celebrating to do,” you told her as she rolled her eyes.

“You literally carried our baby for us, I do owe you, and yes of course I’ll take the boys tonight, I need some quality time with them before they leave me for Australia,” she replied.

“It’s only two weeks, it's just a short camp, and it’s time we went on one of Daddy’s camps and meet all their uncles, but they honestly think they are meeting Kangaroos, they don’t quite understand that Wallabies is just the name of the team” she laughed at your comment before pulling you in for a hug. It sounds cliche but you knew in that moment your life had turned out perfect, it is nowhere near what you imagined but you honestly couldn’t have asked for anything better.

[steveshairychest]

Let's pretend that the upside down doesn't exist for a second.

Eddie still befriends Mike, Dustin and Lucas at school, but he doesn't meet anyone else. He knows of Steve Harrington, knows that he used to rule the halls of Hawkins High but, despite Dustin's constant begging for Eddie to meet him, he never really does.

Sure, Steve waved at Eddie whenever he dropped the kids off at hellfire and he offered to change Eddie's flat tire once, but that's it. After Eddie graduated, their paths never really crossed again.

Not until years later when they're both older and wiser and a little bit drunk in a bar far from the prying eyes of Hawkins.

Eddie bumps into a tall woman at the bar and the countless apologies he had ready instantly died on his tongue when she turned around and gave Eddie a dazzling smile. "Hi, Eddie. Didn't think I'd run into you here." She says with a light laugh. She has a really pretty laugh, and smile, and eyes and her hair looks so soft.

It takes Eddie's brain three business days to reconnect and realise that this gorgeous woman knows his name. He hadn't introduced himself, and yet she is smiling down at him like they're old friends.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" He waves over the bartender and orders himself and the mystery girl a drink.

She thanks Eddie for the drink and leans in closer to be heard over the music. "We went to high school together but I've, uh, definitely changed since then." She laughs and it's clear there's some joke he's not getting but he laughs anyways. He doesn't want her to walk away. He needs to know everything about her and he's trying so hard to remember everyone he went to high school with.

"Did we really go to school together? I think I would remember someone as gorgeous as you." He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear so that he can see her face properly. Her cheeks flush a brilliant shade of red, and she steps closer to him. "What's your name?"

"Stevie." She says softly, her voice a little shaky. "Harrington. My name is Stevie Harrington."

Eddie furrows his brows and takes a step back to really take her in. "I didn't know Steve had a sister."

Stevie throws her head back and laughs, it's a gorgeous sound. Eddie's scared he's fucked up by not remembering that Steve had a sister but then she meets his eyes and there's something there that feels oddly familiar.

"I don't have a sister, Eddie." She says and takes a sip of her drink, her eyes watching over the rim of the glass for Eddie's reaction.

"What -" And then everything finally clicks in his alcohol clouded mind. "Oh. Oh."

He can see it now, he can see that the ghost of someone he hardly knew clings to parts of her; the moles, the pouty lips, the kind hazel eyes. They are all features he used to find himself staring at during school, features he can’t stop staring at now.

"Is that a good oh?" She asks quietly, her hand fiddling with her bracelet nervously.

Eddie motions the bartender for another round of drinks and moves closer to Stevie, a gentle smile pulling at his lips as he says, "Definitely a good oh. I was actually, uh, Edwina before I was Eddie." He pulls his leather jacket aside to point at his bare chest underneath, at his top surgery scars. Stevie's mouth forms a soft 'oh', and the tension in her body leaves as she realises that she's safe, she's with someone like her, someone who understands.

He's never told anyone his dead name before, but he could see the fear in Stevie's eyes, fear that she'd said too much to the wrong person.

All that fear is gone now as she smiles, really smiles, down at him.

There's an excited energy radiating off her as she takes another sip from her drink and bumps her shoulder with Eddie's. "I'm glad you bumped into me tonight." She admits.

"Me, too." Eddie beams up at her, her heels making her tower over him, and he's honestly never been happier.

He hopes that this time, they can maybe be more than just acquaintances.

Maybe even more than friends.

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🖤💙 4 days until my Surgery 💙🖤

(Picture taken Dec 9th, 2023)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 7 below the cut.

Part 1 here

As the summer was ending, I got really lucky! A lesbian hairstylist (who helped organize the drag show I went in the last update) gave my name to this sales lady who sold accounting work to like companies and she needed help with researching CEO and CFO types. And she paid me out of pocket and honestly it was pretty easy internet research using Google. I felt like a little rat scurrying across the Internet 🐀 So, thank you lesbians 🙏🙏

(Picture taken Nov 6th, 2022)

Apparently I really impressed her so she got me hired full time as a sales admin for her company (I wouldn't have gotten with my lack of a college degree without her) and I've had that job since! And a lot of my transition wouldn't be possible without the pay and benefits of this job. Also this is my first job where I get gendered correctly and I'm slowly getting less anxious about going to the bathroom at work 🥰

She honestly mom'd up on me and bought me a bunch of new business casual clothes for the job. And here's an example of one of my new work outfits 😁

(Picture taken Nov 14, 2022)

Bc of the new job I was able to afford a lot more things for transitioning! Like voice training. I remember when I first cracked I tried to just teach myself using videos but I wasn't good at it 😅 Also a friend during the summer of 2022 helped me and I did make some progress with her help. But, I started making a lot more progress once I started seeing a speech therapist. But, there was a barrier since I could tell she hadn't worked too much with trans people. I went to a speech therapist bc it was covered by my insurance but she moved and then I couldn't find anyone for insurance covered speech therapy. So, I eventually just paid for lessons Your Lessons Now. And, honestly it's going a lot better! It's really nice to be able to talk about my frustrations with voice training with another transfem. The biggest thing I'm learning from here is how to break the bad habit of pitching up my voice by squeezing my vocal chords.

(Picture taken Sept 8th, 2023)

I had also switched to injections and I highly recommend it! A friend even made my first two vials into earrings 🔥

I also got a lot lazier with makeup 😅 I do eyeliner wings, mascara, and blush for when I go into the office. Which for a bunch of accountants means I do about as much makeup that is normal for the women in the office 🤷‍♀️

(Pictures taken October 31st and December 2nd of 2022)

These were two notable exceptions. I really love the makeup I did for the Halloween of 2022 bc I decided to go as a ghost-type trainer. And the one on the right is when I learned how to use concealer to cover my 'raccoon eyes' as my dad liked to call them 🦝

Also this would be a good time to mention something I probably should've mentioned earlier 😅 I never learned how to use foundation. I know it's easy but I have a weird mental block around it 🤷‍♀️ But, in the summer of 2021 I started doing twice daily skincare routine for my face. Which took me from a very acne heavy face to people being surprised I'm not wearing foundation. Also the routine is really nice. Would recommend to those who want to get rid of their acne (send an ask if you want to know specifics).

(Picture taken Aug 20, 2023)

Romance update since I've been doing that lol: Well, things ended with all the girlfriends I had so I am down to 1 partner. And I got caught in a romance scam for a few months 😭 However, I can't really complain because I got engaged!!! It was so sweet in cute. My partner and I had this date the night before Valentine's Day under a statue outside of a local art museum. We read sapphic poetry by candle light and then they popped the question 🥰🥰

But, I say another big part of this era was I made a lot more local trans friends. Went to a good amount of house parties which would've surprised pre-transition me! And I really love my community of queer people I've been building 🥺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️💕

(Picture taken July 21st, 2023)

Oh yeah!! I also started laser hair removal at the beginning of 2021 as well. Which was before this era but time is a lie. But the new job definitely made it easier to afford.

The biggest step for my transition was getting my surgeries set up!! And my FFS (facial feminization surgery) marks the end of this era. Below was the last picture I took before my FFS.

(Picture taken Feb 17th, 2024)

So, in my next update, I'll be showing my post-op pictures once most of the swelling went down. See you tomorrow!! 😁✌️

Next Part Here

[halfwayhearted]

Loving & Losing — Pablo Gavi.

Pairing: Pablo Gavi x Fem!Reader

Summary: Everybody knew the two of you were broken up. Everybody except, well, you and Gavi... fortunately enough.

Word Count: 1.15K+

Disclaimer/s — Angst, slight comfort, fluff-ish (?), that’s it.

A/N: THIS FUCKING SONG. I actually added in sooo many unnecessary parts… whatever, hi. Hi. Let me know! 🙂‍↕️

“Just call me, and I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

And you kept your word. Every time the man was stressed, upset, or even angry, he’d call you almost immediately, like it was his nature. Which it was, only because he knew you’d be by his side. The second he mentioned something that indicated he wasn’t okay, you were by his side in an instant. No questions asked. Not even once.

You were there all throughout Gavi’s injury, the surgery, the recovery, all of it. You were there.

That didn’t stop now, even with him being back to team practices and games. Almost a year of not being together yet constantly being over at his place was, to put it simply, taking its toll.

Not that you minded going over. You didn’t. You’d choose being with him over anything else. But it was exactly that which was making you feel like this. How were you expected to ever even think about moving on when all this time spent with him felt like you guys weren’t actually exes at all?

You just didn’t really know what to think anymore.

Today was just that. Another day of going over. Gavi had been overwhelmed, stressed, and just worn out. So, he found himself calling you.

“Hey,” his tired voice rang out, causing your eyebrows to furrow immediately. “Come over?”

Wow! There it was again. The question you both yearned for and yet, at the same time, dreaded.

Biting your bottom lip, you inhale deeply. “Yeah, I’ll be there in fifteen. Do you need anything? Snacks, drinks, I don’t know, whatever you want.”

“No. I just—I need you.” Oh! Haha… oh, my God.

Unable to reply back with a decent response, you just mumble a ‘okay’ and hang up. He couldn’t just say things like that. He just couldn’t. If things weren’t complicated then, they sure as hell are now. You were sure you were completely doomed.

Slipping on your shoes, you grab your phone and keys before rushing out of the house, starting your car, and heading to his place. You’re nervous.

The minute you arrived, he opened his door and let you in. This part was always awkward. It didn’t matter that you were here not even three days ago; it was still awkward. It wasn’t always like this.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, your voice hesitant.

Gavi ran a hand over his face and looked down at his feet. That’s when you noticed the small, subtle twitch of his shoulders shrugging.

It broke you seeing him this way. “What can I do to help, hm? Just tell me, I’ll do it. Anything.”

“Can you spend the night? It’s okay if you—”

Spend the night. Spend the night? “Yes. I will.”

You don’t know why you said that. Well, you did. But why did it sound so… eager? Oh, boy.

His body had tensed. Yeah, he was the one who proposed the idea. He just didn’t actually expect you to say yes. Of course, he was glad. He just couldn’t help but feel that he was being selfish.

Selfish for putting you through this. The brunette was aware of each time you’d stiffen when he got too close, or when he’d say something he used to say when the two of you were together. He saw all of it, even if you’d really hoped that he didn’t.

Realizing he has yet to respond, he clears his throat and nods. “Your clothes—they’re still in the top drawer. I’ll… be here when you’re done.”

“Obviously,” you teased softly, trying to lighten the mood, a small smile gracing your lips as you brush past him and enter your guys—his room. The smile drops from your face at that.

Changing into a shirt—his shirt, by the way—and a pair of loose-fitting pants, you drag your feet out into the living room to see him on the couch.

His head was in his hands, and suddenly you were right in front of him. Your hand gently ran through his hair, lifting his head with it. “Hey, come on. Let’s go to bed. You look and seem exhausted.”

The curve of his smile is prominent while he nods and rises to his feet, feeling a surge of confidence in his movements. When your hand drops back to your side, he takes the chance to hold it in his.

You fought the blush that threatened to appear. Inevitable? Sure, but out of sight, out of mind.

Once you both reach the bedroom, he climbs onto his side of the bed and you do the same. Could you do this? You weren't sure anymore.

It’s quiet. So, so quiet. You were lost in your own world, the thoughts swirling around offering you no comfort. Nothing at all. The answer to your question was no, you couldn’t do this. You can’t.

But he’s sighing and scooting his body closer to yours. Closer and closer, until his head is hovering over your chest. That’s when he asks, “Can I?” And you murmur ‘yes’ like it means nothing. The weight of his head on your chest is your anchor.

“Pablo,” you whispered, “We should talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m just accepting more than I should. That’s it. And I can’t sleep. Talk to me. Tell me about your day. Just… talk?”

Just talk? Okay… okay… not hard. Not hard at all.

So you did. You told him about your day, your job, and your family, knowing how much he loved your family. You didn’t realize you’d been rambling until you felt his hand go limp on your stomach.

He’d fallen asleep, which was good! Gavi couldn’t sleep, and now here he was, thanks to you. The sound of your voice. Oh. Don’t even think about it.

How could he do this? How could he be the one to break things off and then do this? Make you feel like this? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you. “You’re not being fair,’ you find yourself mumbling out loud, hoping it’ll ease the heaviness in your chest.

At the sound of his small hum, you freeze. But this was Gavi. He’d hum in response to anything you said when he was asleep, or in this case, on the verge of slumber. So… you continued.

You let out a breath, “I don’t think I can move on.”

Pure and simple silence. What were you saying? This was something that had been weighing on your mind for months, and you decide to tell him now? When he’s asleep? Were you seriously—

“Then don’t.”

‘Then don’t’. Oh! Right. Right. Thanks a bunch!

Resting your head against the pillow, you stay silent. What could you even say to that? As if you could. Just go to sleep. He’s just saying things.

Closing your eyes, you’re about to succumb to slumber when you feel his hand, which was on your stomach, slowly intertwine with your own.

What he says next makes you relax. “I haven’t.”

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated ^_^.

DT(s) — @planetpedri + @spidybaby + @ar4ujos + @gadriezmannsgirl + @sakashq + @joaoflms + @iovepoem ! ౨ৎ

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Kinktober Day 8 || Missionary

PAIRING || Boyfriend!Tony Stark x Girlfriend!Fem!Reader

WORDCOUNT || 3K

SUMMARY || You've been having a tough time now that the end of your residency is approaching, and Tony comes home early from his mission to be there for you, and giving you a night to truly relax together.

RATING || Explicit (E)

TAGS || Canon compliant. Former sugar relationship. Established relationship.

SMUT || Dirty talk. Praise/praise kink. Fingering. Fingersucking. Missionary. Unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!). Aftercare.

A/N || AAAH, this was one of my favorite stories to write and share! Again, I want to give my thanks and undying love to my bestie @ccbsrmsf1; I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am for the support and proofreading! 🤍

All graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Tony Stark || Sugar Daddy!Tony Stark || Kinktober 2024

For as long as you can remember, you have dreamt of attending medical school and going through all the classes and training necessary to fulfill your dream job: a surgeon. While the road to get here certainly hasn’t been easy, you’re finally nearing the end of your residency and your time in medical school. All the years of experience have taught you a lot, but the one thing that sticks with you daily is how important it is to spend time with the people (and cats) you love.

In one month, you will officially graduate and become a surgeon within SHIELD’s medical team, where you’re currently doing your residency. But before that day is here, you have a few more long, demanding shifts ahead of you, and today, you’ve just come out of one of those. You had to perform one surgery after the other, and even though they all were successful, you did make some mistakes that shouldn’t have been made, leaving you with a stone in your stomach.

The elevator ride up to the penthouse is taking too long for your liking as you lean against the back wall, your eyes shut tight to push your evil thoughts and insecurities away. On top of all this, you’re also dreading stepping into the penthouse, as there’s nothing but a large, silent space waiting for you. Tony is gone for a mission that will last a few weeks, and Moon is staying at Bucky’s, where he is being spoiled rotten with Alpine. However, you’re met with a surprise as you smell the scent of your favorite food while the elevator doors open.

“H-hello? Is anybody there?” you ask carefully, your steps cautious as you enter your home.

“Yes, there is! But it’s just me, Sugar,” you hear your boyfriend say as he steps around the corner to greet you, and you can feel your body relax instantly at the sound of his voice. He was supposed to be gone for at least another week, so you’re not entirely sure why he’s home already, but you’re not going to question it as you let yourself fall into his strong, comforting, warm embrace.

“Hmmm, I missed you so much, you know that? I hate to be gone for this long,” Tony whispers as you let your hands glide under his shirt, the exceptional warmth of his body comforting in its way - he always tends to run hotter than the average person. You use it well when you’re cold or need comfort, as the warmth reminds you of him.

“Missed you too,” you murmur against his chest, not ready to let him go anytime soon. He’s been gone for a little over three weeks, which means you have a lot of cuddles to catch up on, so you might as well get a head start now. His hand gently cups your head as his thumb rubs soothing circles. As he does, you can feel the stress of the past weeks without him flowing away with every passing second.

You’re unsure how long you two stand in each other’s arms, but when you pull away, you feel about ten pounds lighter, and you’re finally able to kiss your boyfriend the way you’ve been longing to in his absence. The thought of being able to kiss him again has been on your mind constantly, and it has been part of some of your dirty thoughts, too.

Tony’s lips feel like heaven as you take your time to get reacquainted with them, his taste being something you’ve missed more than you thought. A soft moan escapes as his fingers dig into your sides, your body responding to his touch in a way that can only be described as desperation.

Your hands wander from his neck into his hair, pulling gently on the roots as his hands squeeze your hips in excitement, his pants becoming tighter the longer you two take your time with the kiss. The heat steadily rises between you two, and every last thought of what happened when Tony was gone slowly leaves your brain as his tongue makes it impossible to think. And he hasn’t even taken any of your clothing off yet.

“Sugar,” Tony says as he wants you to look at him, the need for air becoming too much, his words coming out breathy as he looks into your eyes with a slight smirk - “I made us a simple dinner; I figured you’d be hungry right about now. After that, I promise to give you all my time, attention, and love as I make you fall apart on my fingers and cock over and over again.”

Tony is nothing if not a man of his word, so after you two enjoyed your dinner - one of your favorite dishes that he learned to make especially for you - and a sweet dessert that has you feeling very content now that you’re on the bed, cuddling with Tony. Your head is on his chest, your leg is hooked over his, and his hand is playing with your hair while the other is rubbing soothing figures on your arm. Life couldn’t be more perfect if you’d tried.

“Thank you for coming home, Tony; I can’t believe how much I missed spending time with you,” you tell him as your eyes are shut, and you feel comfortable and soft. A small smile lights up his features, a feeling of pride swelling somewhere deep inside him. Before he had the honor of falling in love with you, he would never have considered being missed by anyone, but now that you two have had the chance to explore your love after your arrangement, he wouldn’t want it any other way. Thankfully, he’s not shy about admitting he missed you, either.

“You don’t have to thank me, Sugar, I promise. As soon as I heard you weren’t feeling well, I went home when I got permission from Steve and Nat. They didn’t hesitate for a moment when I told them that you needed me, and they practically pushed me out the door and into the Quinjet before I even had the chance to finish my sentence,” he says with a giant smile as he thinks back to that moment.

“Go, she needs you much more than we do, Stark! We’ll be fine. And besides, you’ve already been away for too long, so you have a lot to catch up on,” Natasha says as she throws some of Tony’s things in a duffel bag. All he can do is stand there and watch as she’s doing everything short of throwing him over her shoulder and carrying him to the Quinjet. Then, before she zips up the bag, she spots a small red box on the floor, reaching for it before Tony can say anything about it.

“Is this what I think it is?” Natasha asks with a quirked brow, and the color on Tony’s cheeks rivals the color of the small velvet box his fellow Avenger is holding. He nods, not trusting what might come out of his mouth when he does. He carries the ring everywhere, even if you’re not with him, because he can’t help but think of it as his good luck charm - you usually are his good luck charm, but on missions, this will have to do.

“Who’d have thought you’d ever go down on one knee? I surely didn’t until you met her. But you two are made for each other, Tony. I can see how happy you make her; she deserves someone as amazing as you. Go home and ask her to marry you already!” she says with a large grin, throwing the box to Tony, who easily catches it.

“Thank you, Nat, it means a lot,” he says as he grabs his bag, ready to go home to you.

“How’re you feeling?” It's a simple question, but still, you don’t have a clear answer. There’s still a lot going on inside you, and you want nothing more than for your boyfriend to silence every last thought going wild inside of you. Without saying anything, you move in a way so that you’re straddling him, leaning forward and kissing him with a passion and hunger that your boyfriend happily reciprocates.

A soft moan escapes your lips as his hips buck up, pressing his rapidly hardening length into your waiting core. Then, it becomes clear to Tony what you’re looking for, but he has a different plan for tonight. His arms circle your waist, holding you so that it’s safe to turn until your back is on the bed, and he is now on top of you instead of the other way around. His lips don’t leave yours for a second, making him incredibly proud as he deepens the kiss.

“Tony,” you say in a breathy voice, your chest heaving as you look up at him with neediness in your eyes.

“It’s okay, Sweet Girl; let me take the lead tonight, and I’m going to give you a night you’ll never forget,” he whispers before placing a few kisses on your cheek and your jawline, making your body feel hot, and your panties wetter than ever. You nod in agreement, allowing Tony to strip you completely naked before doing the same to himself. Your legs are spread wide to accommodate him being comfortable between them, your head propped up on a pillow so you can see exactly what he’s doing.

“Look at that, Sugar. ‘S all because of you- ‘m so fucking hard for you,” Tony groans as his hand strokes his painfully hard length, and it makes a wave of arousal soar through your body as you drip onto the sheets below you. Then, without warning, he works one of his thick fingers into you, making your back arch, and a loud moan bounces off the walls as he gently stretches you, as the last thing he wants is to hurt you.

“Good girl.”

The praise makes you preen as he takes his time stretching you on one finger, then two, and finally, when you can take three of his fingers comfortably, he takes them out before offering them to you. Without a second thought, you wrap your lips around his long digits, licking them entirely clean with a soft hum of approval. The entire time, Tony’s cock is throbbing from pure excitement as you look at him with your big, pleading eyes.

“So beautiful,” he whispers as a smile tugs at a corner of his mouth. After your boyfriend is delighted with how you cleaned his fingers, he wraps his hand around himself again, stroking a few times before moving to line up with your waiting entrance. His pink tip slips in without much resistance, making him groan as he feels your warmth around him again, and his thoughts are slipping away alongside yours.

“That’s it, you take me so well, Sugar. You feel like heaven around me,” he tells you as he gently thrusts into you, ensuring he’s taking it at a pace you’re comfortable with. The entire time, he can’t stop telling you how good you feel and how much he loves you, your heart swelling and your cheeks heating at the praise he’s giving you. Simultaneously, he knows it’s exactly what you need, as if he read your mind.

“I love you, ‘m so lucky to have fallen in love with you, you know that? Such a beautiful, sweet, caring girl who’s all mine. God, you would look perfect when carrying my babies - your perfect belly all swollen after I’ve fucked you in every position imaginable,” he groans, your nipples perking up even more at the thought as you suck him in even deeper with your eager pussy.

“Oh, you like that, huh? I- I just know that you’d make the best Mommy ever, and when you’re pregnant- fuck- I’d drink from you every single day, Sugar. Your milk will be so sweet as I take my fill from you,” he tells you, his pace picking up as he does. Your nails dig into his shoulders at the thought, your brows furrowing as the edge of your release slowly comes closer and closer. As Tony looks down to where you two are connected, he gasps softly, and a wicked grin spreads that has you following his line of sight.

“Hmm, I’m so deep I can see myself in your belly,” he whispers, and he slowly pulls his hips back before thrusting back in with renewed enthusiasm as he can see himself. It’s always a massive ego boost for Tony, and the obscene moan slipping from your lips is clear evidence that you’re enjoying the sight, too. Once Tony’s nestled deep inside you again, he repositions himself slightly so that he can set a better pace, and your hands move to his back as your legs wrap around his waist to pull you even further into him.

“I-I’m close- please,” you pant out, the pleasure you’re feeling almost overwhelming as he keeps the same pace and drives you to the edge you’re longing to fall over. As you drag your nails over your boyfriend’s back, he groans loudly, adding to your pleasure until the sweet release you’ve been craving is finally there. A loud shout of his name bounces through your bedroom as he fucks every last thought out of your brain, his forehead pressed against yours as a layer of sweat adorns your body.

With a few more faltering thrusts, Tony buries his cock deep inside you and his face in your neck as every last drop of his cum is eagerly milked by your body, leaving both of you satisfied beyond belief. It’s everything you needed and more, but when he pulls his softening cock out of you, you let out a little whimper at the loss of him. He presses a soft kiss to your nose to soothe you, making a dopey smile appear as he peppers your cheeks in kisses, too.

“I love you, Sugar, ‘m the luckiest man on earth right now,” he tells you after getting comfortable beside you, allowing you to snuggle into his side, exactly like you were before you two made love. Before you can answer, though, you’ve fallen asleep in his arms. Every time Tony’s gone, you don’t sleep as well, and you’ve also come out of a few 12-hour shifts, meaning you’re more tired than usual.

“Sleep well, Sugar,” he murmurs as he looks at you, followed by a kiss on the crown of your head. Once he’s sure you’re deeply asleep, he gently gets up from the bed to get a surprise ready for you. After pulling on a pair of pants, a henley, and a pair of shoes, he makes his way to Bucky’s apartment, not giving a single hoot about how he looks after he had sex with you. He’s proud to show off the fact you two made love, and his post-sex hair is a trophy he wears proudly.

After a few short knocks, Bucky opens the door while holding Moon and Alpine to ensure they won’t run away.

“Hi, Tony,” Bucky smiles before stepping aside, letting the other man into his apartment. Once the door is shut, Bucky bends down to put the felines down, and they make a beeline to Tony, who happily gives them all the attention they could desire.

“How is she? I know she’s been having a tough week,” Bucky says, his voice tapering off near the end. You and Bucky are pretty good friends, and even though he tried cheering you up, he knew you needed Tony more than him, so he sent Steve a message about your well-being.

“She’s better now; when she came home, she looked like she was on the verge of collapsing due to her tiredness, and it breaks my heart to see her that way, you know? But I know she’s doing what she loves, so I will always support her. Again, thank you for sending that message; I appreciate it.” Tony claps Bucky on the shoulder, who smiles in answer to his words.

“No need to thank me, Tony. You would’ve done the same for me,” Bucky says, and he’s right. While they haven’t always seen eye to eye, they’ve turned it all around, and now they’ve managed to build somewhat of a friendship. It hasn’t always been easy, but with your help, they’re getting along more than you ever could have anticipated. Then, Tony says his goodbyes before scooping up Moon, ready to take him back to your penthouse.

While Tony and Moon are standing in the elevator, Tony can't help but talk to Moon, as he missed him a lot during his time away for the mission.

"I'm happy to be back with you. Do you know that? Even though you're more like a black and white cat now, with Alpine's fur everywhere! Though Mommy won't mind, I'm sure of that. She's so excited to see you, my sweet Moon. Are you ready to go and see Mommy again?" As if to answer him, he gives his Daddy a soft meow, making Tony smile.

As soon as he steps into the penthouse, Moon jumps from Tony’s arms into the bedroom as if he knows exactly where to find you. When Tony walks into the bedroom, he sees Moon curled up by your side, purring with his eyes closed. The sight is one Tony never wants to forget, and he snaps a photo before making his way to the bathroom, ready to take a nice hot bath. The rest of the night is spent together in said bath with some fruit and your favorite chocolates, followed by a much-needed massage and more snuggles in bed.

“Thank you for everything, Tony. You gave me exactly what I needed today,” you say, scratching Moon behind his ears as he lies on your boyfriend’s lap. Then, you lean in, softly kissing your boyfriend’s nose, making him blush. You’re getting more comfortable and ready for more sleep, and when it finally takes you under again, you’re having some of the best rest. And it’s all because you’re with the man you love more than anything.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Lightning Bug - Chapter 30

Masterlist

Warnings: mention of past trauma, mention of death, lots of fluff

Note: Hey guys. Remember me? Sorry I fell off the face of the Earth. I guess recovering from surgery took a lot of me and I have felt very burned out. But I am gonna try to finish this year off strong with a lot of stories for you all. I have a lot left planed for Lighting Bug so it's not going anywhere! Thank you all for your patience and enjoy!

Word count: 3.3K

You were shocked that you woke up before Melina. The older Black Widow was always in the kitchen making breakfast or getting the house in order before everyone woke up. The kitchen was empty, and you were ready to cook. Slipping on an apron, you opened the fridge to see what you had to work with. There were eggs, sausage, and milk. You knew there was flour so you could make pancakes.

With a plan in mind, you began to cook. The kitchen was your safe space. You were only allowed in the kitchen when the house was empty. It was only then you were indeed safe and free. You were waiting for the pan to heat up when you heard Melina’s footsteps behind you. She walked differently than Alexei and Natasha. Her footsteps were softer, and you had to listen to them. “Why are you cooking food?”

“You know, most people are grateful for a free meal,” you teased, smiling over your shoulder. The woman was frowning with her arms crossed. I like cooking,” you shrugged. It’s a good reminder that I’m safe. I know it sounds stupid.”

“Do you need help?” You shook your head as you poured the pancake mixture into the pan. You heard her move behind you and smelt coffee grounds as she started a fresh pot. “It is not stupid,” she said. “I like to go on walks in the woods as a reminder,” you flip the pancake and bite the inside of your cheek. Before moving to the tower, cooking meant something different to you. It meant you were alone. It meant you were able to live another day. Now, you weren’t alone. There was no longer an intense hunger that kept you up at night. You were full. Anytime you wanted a snack, you could get one.

When you cooked at the tower, your friends joined you. The kitchen was filled with laughter and smiles, a reminder that you weren’t surviving but living. “Actually,” you said. Do you want to start on the eggs? I was thinking we could do scramble.” You looked over your shoulder and saw the older Black Widow nod.

“It’s good that you can cook,” she said. “Natasha is not good,” you laughed. Wanda told you about the time the redhead almost burnt down the kitchen. Cooking with Melina was different. You worked in silence for the most part, but sometimes, she would ask you questions about living in the tower. It was nice. You were going to miss it.

*

Natasha prided herself on being a morning person. She liked to have the morning to start her day on the right foot. However, that changed when she was in Iowa or Russia. The morning was for extra cuddles with Wanda and catching up on sleep. Still, her body liked to betray her as she woke up naturally. She groaned, buried her face in the space between Wanda’s shoulder and neck, and breathed in her natural scent. Not wanting to wake her girlfriend, she pulled herself out of bed. They had a few hours before they had to make the trip back to the city. She rubbed her eyes and made sure to close the door quietly. The quietness of her bedroom was a stark contrast to the rest of the house.

Laughter echoed against the walls, a mixture of Alexei’s and her daughter’s. Sighing, she walked towards the sound and found the kitchen in complete disarray. She could tell breakfast was trying to be made, but Alexei was making it complicated. Flour was thrown around and covered the counter tops, the super soldier, and the young girl. “Dedushka (grandpa),” she whined. “You have to keep the flour in the bowl, or we aren’t going to have any pancakes.”

“Of course, oshibka (bug), I understand,” Natasha saw the wink he gave to Melina as he whipped the mixture, and it went flying. The kitchen devolved into shrieks and laughter. Natasha walked over to Melina, who was spotless and sipping her coffee. A soft smile was on her face.

“I guess breakfast might be delayed,” Natasha joked. The young girl looked up at the sound of her voice and waved.

“Morning Nat!”

“Good morning, molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug). Are you having fun?” She nodded and focused back on the task. “Sorry about the mess. We’ll clean it before we leave,” Melina waved her off.

“It is good for the home,” Natasha looked confused. “Laughter,” Melina smiled. “It is good.”

*

Goodbyes were something you never had to do. Before the Avengers, there was no one you had to say goodbye to besides your brother before this new life you were living. So now goodbyes were hard even though there was a promise to see them again. Alexei hugged you tightly, and Melina kissed your forehead softly. You knew at that moment you hated goodbyes. You boarded the jet with Natasha and Wanda (Kate and Yelena were visiting some nearby Widows). You sat with your backpack between your feet as the couple ran through the pre-flight procedures. The backpack was heavier compared to when you first arrived in Russia. Melina gave you a few Russian treats you discovered you liked. She said if you needed more, call her, and she will send more.

However, you found the object that contributed to the extra weight. A bottle of vodka with a note from Alexei -‘Drink responsibility.’ You laughed and shook your head. That man was anything but responsible. “What are you laughing at back there?” Wanda asked. You zipped up your backpack, unbuckled your seat belt, and approached them. You knelt between the two seats.

“Alexei is funny,” Natasha rolled her eyes.

“That is one way to describe that man,” you giggled as Wanda playfully slapped Natasha on the arm.

“Did you have fun?” You nodded.

“I did! I’m excited to go back home, though,” you frowned suddenly. A weird feeling washed over you. It was hard to place. It felt like guilt. Wanda showed you the place where she grew up. You met Natasha’s parents and visited two places she called home. Was it your turn to show them where you lived?

“Hey,” you felt Wanda’s fingers run up and down your arm. “Where did you go just now?” You let out a shaky breath and focused on the window. It seemed easier to focus on that than the turmoil in your mind.

“I have an odd request,” you spoke slowly. The last thing you wanted to do was offend them. “When we return to the city, can I show you where I grew up?” Your question was meant with silence, which worsened the anxiety that swirled in your stomach. “You know what, never mind,” you stood up. “Forget I said anything.” Before you could return to your seat, Wanda grabbed your wrist and kept you in place.

“Why do you want to go back there?” You kept your eyes on her hand, but there was no malice in her voice, just curiosity. You sighed.

“Feels right,” you whispered. “Feels like I need to close that chapter of my life.” Wanda slowly let go of your wrist. “I never went back. I need to see it.” You heard Natasha let out a shaky breath.

“If it’s something you want to do, then we can,” you nodded and whispered a small thanks before heading back to your seat.

*

Wanda watched the girl return to her seat and grab her headphones and Walkman. Her eyes were closed as she listened to whatever song was playing. “Should we be worried?” Natasha’s question drew her gaze back to the front. “Why would she want to go back there?” It was a good question that Wanda wasn’t sure the answer to. Showing her Sokovia or meeting Natasha’s parents stirred something inside her.

“I don’t think we have to worry about it,” Wanda answered. She saw the question on the Black Widow’s face. Wanda was proud of her growth over the years. She had a good handle on her powers. Sometimes, there were mistakes, especially when someone welcomed her powers. That was happening now. She stayed on the outside of the dream she found herself in. It was simple: a team dinner at the tower with the Bartons and Alexei and Melina. She pulled out of it to not invade her privacy. “Because she’s happy, and she’s dreaming of us. Her family.”

*

When you touched down at the tower and left your bags on the jet, you quickly turned around. You followed the couple to the garage in silence and only spoke when they asked if you were hungry. You were, but the idea of eating anything made you nauseous. Still, they stopped at a pizza place and ordered you a slice of pepperoni. It smelt amazing, but the only thing you could stomach was the pepperoni.

A weird pressure started forming at the base of your skull as Natasha began to drive towards your home as if someone was watching you. They tried to fill the silence with conversation or music from the radio. It was all white noise to you while you played with the necklace America gave you and questioned your decision to do this. You kept reminding yourself that he was gone. That he could no longer hurt you like before. This whole thing may be a stupid idea.

Soon, the world that passed by the window began to look familiar but different. It was strange to be in a place you once knew. The houses had a fresh coat of paint. New flowers were planted under the windows. New families made the street their home. When Natasha parked in front of a garden that once was your family home, the air seemed knocked out of your lungs. Wanda unbuckled her seat belt and turned around to face you. “The city never rebuilt here. So the community built a garden,” you nodded.

A metal fence was built around the perimeter with a few benches and flowers inside. You could make out a small fountain from the car. If Leah were alive she would have liked it. You would see her planting her flowers in the backyard during the summer. “You don’t have to get out of the car,” you looked at Natasha. “We can drive around and go back home.” But you wanted to get out of the car. You wanted to prove that this place had no power over you.

Without a word, you undid your seat belt and exited the car. You looked up and down the street, seeing a few kids enjoying the sun. A shiver went down your spine when you saw the white church standing tall. You walked towards the garden, not waiting for the couple to get out of the car. By the entrance, there was a plaque, and you knelt to read it.

‘In loving memory of Johnathan and Leah, whose kindness, wisdom, and unwavering dedication to our community will forever bloom in the hearts of those who knew them. This garden is a testament to their enduring legacy, a place of peace and reflection for all.’

One of the biggest lessons you learned with Vision was that history was told by those who controlled the narrative. Every lesson should be taken with a grain of salt. It was no surprise that the community saw Johnathan as a hero. He controlled the narrative, and he erased you from it.

You heard Natasha kneel next to you and rested your head on her shoulder. “These people will never know what he did to me,” you whispered. Part of me wonders if they would believe me if I told them how much of a monster their beloved pastor was,” the Black Widow sighed and kissed the top of your head.

“What would you gain if they knew?” she asked, and you had no good answer for her. Validation? Revenge? “We believe you,” you knew they did, but it was nice to hear. You stood up and walked into the garden. At each bench you passed, you recognized the names engraved from the church. At least the plaque outside was right about one thing: There was a sense of peace surrounded by the flowers.

A strange juxtaposition caused a pit to form in your stomach. How could a place filled with horrors be transformed into a place of beauty? You and this plot of land had more in common than you thought. A metamorphosis occurred, and you haven’t been the same since the last time you were here. “Are you okay?” Wanda asked with her arms crossed.

“I am,” you stopped in front of a yellow and black flower. “Thank you for bringing me here,” The witch smiled.

“You are a powerful girl,” you smiled back and touched the flower.

“I’m ready to go home,” you said and ripped the flower off the stem. Wanda put her arm around you and led you out of the garden, where Natasha was waiting for you. She greeted you with a smile and opened the door for you. Maybe one day you would return, but for now, you were ready to leave this part of your life in the past.

*

With your backpack still on, you took the stairs to your floor. All you wanted was to lay in bed and not move for the rest of the day. But your body had other ideas. Instead of going to your room, you stood in front of America. You only had to knock once before the door swung open, and America ran into you. “You’re home,” she hugged you tight. There was a weight on your shoulders, a heaviness that followed you from your old life to the tower. It disappeared in America’s arms. You melted against her.

“Yeah, I’m home,” you whispered. She pulled you into her room and closed the door. With little thought, you dropped your back and sat on her bed. She was quick to join you.

“So,” she smiled. “Is Alexei as crazy as Kate and Yelena make him out to be?” You laughed at the mention of the man.

“I don’t think stories can do that man justice,” you began to tell her all about your time at the Russian farmhouse. Once you were done, your hand was in hers, and you played with the ring on her fingers that matched the ones in your bag. “I missed you,” you admitted. “Russia and Iowa are nice, but they aren’t the city.” She smiled.

“I missed you too,” she said, pulling you in for another hug and lying against her pillows. You went with her and rested your head on her stomach. “And I’m not letting you go. We have shows and movies to watch,” you laughed.

“Sounds good to me.”

*

Wanda made Natasha promise she would be nice and calm and that no harm would come to him or herself. She couldn’t break that promise, especially the one she had made to Wanda. Even though a rage was building inside, she wasn’t sure who would be in the crossfire. The AI told the Black Widow that Vision was alone in the library. Perfect. She entered the room, quietly opening the door and closing it behind her. “Mrs. Romanoff,” the android looked up from the book he was reading. “How was your trip?” Natasha locked the door. “Are you okay?” He closed the book. “I sense some hostility” was one way to look at it. Placing the book on the side table, and stood up. “That is directed at me.” Well, as her sister said, he was smart for a glorified toaster oven. Natasha let her arms fall to the side.

“I like you, Vision,” was the truth. He was an important part of the team. Even though he harbored feelings for Wanda, he never acted on them. She could count the times he’d saved her on both hands.

“That provides no comfort when you look at me like that,” Natasha couldn’t help but smile. She closed the remaining distance between them.

“You endangered my kid,” he looked confused, and then the realization washed over him. It was funny to watch the color drain from his face.

“Natasha,” the Black Widow’s tough act almost crumpled when he said her first name—the android rarely said it. “I would never endanger her life. She is my friend.” She gave him a firm shove on his chest and fell back into the chair with a soft ‘huf.’

“Then why let her touch that fucking stone?” She pointed to it and had to stop herself from flicking it as she did to Yelena. Vision gripped the armrest but finally relaxed.

“Because I knew it wouldn’t have hurt her,” Natasha stepped back, allowing him the space to gather his thoughts. He opened and closed his hands a few times. “I understand how it looks, but I think the stone needs her. It chose her like it chose me,” the Black Widow frowned.

“Why won’t it tell you what’s going on?” She questioned. Vision sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Maybe the stone believes she is the only one that can stop what’s coming.”

*

You weren’t sure why you couldn’t fall asleep. No matter how many times you twisted and turned, you could not get comfortable. Sighing, you climbed out of bed and walked to the kitchen. You started a cup of tea and waited for the water to bowl. The past few days were a whirlwind. Now, you were exhausted, and there was no time to relax. Tomorrow, the Young Avengers were coming to the tower. You were excited, but still, your social battery was dilapidated. Still, you were grateful for the trip.

“Hey,” you jumped, and the hot water splashed on your hand. “Sorry,” Natasha handed you a towel. I didn’t mean to startle you. Can’t sleep either?” You whipped off your hand and the water that got onto the counter. You shook your head and sipped on your tea. “Me neither. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about,” you admitted. “The past few days were a lot. I feel-”

“Overwhelmed,” you nodded. “I understand,” she kissed the top of your head. “Finish your tea, then come with me.” You drank it quickly and left the mug in the sink to be dealt with in the morning. Wordlessly, she put her arm over your shoulders and led you to her room.

Wanda was asleep when you entered their bedroom, and you looked at Natasha. She nodded, saying it was okay, and you climbed into the middle. Immediately, the witch moved so you could rest your head on her chest and looked at Natasha. The Black Widow sat on the edge of her side of the bed. She looked tired and a little stressed. You noticed it when you had the team dinner. Gently, she cupped your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” it was the truth, but you frowned. “Are you okay? You seem stressed,” she smiled and chuckled slightly.

“You are to perspective for your own good,” she tapped your nose. “I’m okay, dorogoy. Just tired.”

“Then go to sleep, you two,” Wanda mumbled. You glanced at the witch, and her eyes were still closed. “Talk about the secrets of the universe in the morning,” Natasha chuckled and lay down on the bed.

“Sorry, Wanda.” You smiled, felt the witch’s lips on your forehead, and closed your eyes. A nagging feeling grew in your stomach. Natasha was holding something back. You wished you could take the weight of the world off her shoulders.

_

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[somber-sapphic]

Was wondering if I would be ok to request a sick reader with Wandanat where readers just come out of surgery (could be for anything, like injured on a mission, wisdom teeth etc) and they’re kind of loopy still, not really sure if it counts as a sick fix though so I don’t mind if it’s not your thing 😅

A Little Less Wisdom

〖Notes: Okay, I had my wisdom teeth out a few months ago and I thought I'd be funny after waking up. NO. I just cried. I cried a lot. And then I got confused and hit my ride home. It was a long day.〗

〖Summary: You need your wisdom teeth out.〗

〖Word Count: 1320〗

〖Pairing: Wandanat x Sick Reader〗

☾Masterlists☽

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Out of all of the problems you could face as a superhero, ‘impacted wisdom teeth’ was never on your list. It hadn’t even crossed your mind; it just wasn’t something you’d ever believed that you’d need to worry about. Maybe there was a part of you that considered the possibility, but when there were so many other more dangerous things to worry about dental health didn’t really make the top hundred.

But two weeks ago, when your girlfriends had noticed the way you were avoiding hard foods and the copious amounts of over-the-counter pain meds you were taking, they finally said something. It really didn’t click to you that anything was wrong until Natasha had brought it up, a look on her face that betrayed her true concern.

Once they had completed their makeshift intervention, you began to notice the real pain in your mouth and began to wonder how exactly you had ignored it in the first place. Your best guess was that something was always hurting from one battle or another, that this one just didn’t seem too pressing. That sprained ankle had been a worse issue than the tooth pain. Until you noticed it, of course.

After a checkup from Dr. Helen Cho (who reiterated over and over again that she was not a dentist) and a few x-rays later, you were found to have “severely impacted” wisdom teeth. Not just regularly impacted, but severely. Not only that, but it was all four of them. You didn’t do anything in halves.

Wanda had been shocked at how well you had been hiding your discomfort, while Natasha was more focused on helping you to feel better. She wanted you to have surgery as quickly as possible, stating her concerns about possible complications and expected recovery time.

This was her way of expressing her love, getting overly caught up on details, and making sure that everything was 100% taken care of so that neither you nor Wanda had to worry. She was a wonderful girlfriend.

The day of the surgery came and went, a mission getting in the way of your dental care. This didn’t particularly bother you, part of you (as embarrassed as you felt) was incredibly nervous about the operation. You had read up about it in secret and had learned about every single complication ever recorded in human history.

This was, of course, a bad idea. Now you were panicking about dry-socket, nerve damage, infection, and possible death as a result of the anesthetic. The idea of being completely out of control of your surroundings was not one that you particularly enjoyed.

Unfortunately, beings who wanted to destroy the human race could only keep you from getting your wisdom teeth out for so long. The day arrived and you were mildly freaking out about it. Wanda, who could literally sense your emotions, had been trying to keep you calm by distracting you with silly little tasks and offering small comforts.

Natasha was less subtle about her attempts to soothe you; she straight up hadn’t left your side the whole day. She kept murmuring reassurances to you while you watched some dumb TV show and had even done research of her own to combat what you had found. She combatted your fear with love and statistics. These two very different ways of trying to make you feel less anxious were working very well together to put you at ease.

You lay back in the dentist’s chair and stared with panic-filled eyes at your loving girlfriends who were hovering in the doorway, unable to enter the sterile field. Suddenly, a very loud thought filled your head.

It’s all going to be okay. Breathe. We’ll be right here. You’ll be okay.

It was hard to describe how it felt when Wanda projected a thought into your mind. You could tell that it wasn’t a thought of your own, it had a comforting feeling. A soft, gentle, loving feeling. It put you at ease more than the intravenous anesthetic that was being pumped into your body.

The last thing you felt as you closed your eyes was that lingering emotion that Wanda had pushed into your mind.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“They’re waking up,” Natasha murmured, nudging Wanda slightly. The witch looked up from her phone where she had been anxiously tapping away at some game, a look of relief flooding her face. The two women stared down at you, both smiling as your beautiful e/c eyes fluttered open.

“Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?” Wanda cooed softly, reaching out to brush a few strands of hair out of your lashes. You opened your mouth as if about to speak, but then closed it again. You repeated the motion a few times, your eyebrows furrowing slightly as you started to reach up for your mouth.

“No no no, let’s not do that. We’ve gotta leave that alone for now, okay?” The brunette chastised, quickly pulling your hand away. You pulled a pout, but the time it took for you to actually change your expression was absolutely hilarious. It took you a full five seconds to register that something had been said and react to it.

“Mh mufh iffmahds.” You mumbled around the gauze, the words you were trying to say lost around the cotton fabric stuffed into your mouth. Natasha leaned forward and bent down to kiss your head, leaving her lips there for a few moments to express her relief. She knew that nothing bad would happen to you, but the anxiety was always going to be there.

“Just rest baby, we’ll talk when you’re a little more awake.” She said kindly, grabbing Wanda’s hand as your eyes fell closed again. The redhead turned to her and grinned before kissing her soft pink lips.

“They’ll be okay Wands.” She reassured, resting her forehead against Wanda’s.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The peace of you being sort of asleep only lasted for twenty or so minutes. This time when you woke back up, you were ready to go. You quite literally came up swinging, your eyes wide and yelling something that neither of your girlfriends could understand through the gauze.

“Woah! Calm down, it’s alright babe, it’s okay.” Natasha said, reaching over to grab your fists.

“The chicken! The chicken’s comin’!” You cried, forcing the words out as you struggled against the grasp of your concerned girlfriend.

“What are you talking about? There’s no chicken!” The redhead replied, sounding frantic as she dodged a kick aimed at her face. You weren’t fully coherent, but your fighting skills were still very much intact. You had trained for this and were using your training to keep yourself safe from the aforementioned chicken.

“Robot chickens! So many, too many, can’t do it, gotta go!” You spat out, starting to get out of the reclining chair. You made it halfway up before falling back again, not entirely prepared for the weight of gravity. Gravity was hard.

“Y/n, Y/n. Listen to me. There are no chickens, okay? We’re in medical, you had surgery, and it’s all okay. Relax babes. You’re safe. It's just Nat and me.” Wanda soothed, putting every bit of calming energy into her voice. She felt bad for using witchcraft on you to alter your emotions, but she needed to calm you down as quickly as possible.

Thankfully, it worked. You sat back and relaxed, your body going limp against Natasha’s. You quite literally fell against your favorite assassin but remained conscious this time, breathing heavily as you relaxed again.

“I don’t like poultry.” You grumbled, nuzzling your face into Natasha’s shoulder. The redhead laughed softly, and Wanda let out a weary sigh, a grin spreading over her face. The operation was over, but it was becoming more and more obvious that that had been the easy part. Now they had to deal with an incredibly confused, slightly high you who would probably remember absolutely none of this.

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[ephedrathirsts]

Teach me

Synopsis: Your best friend asks you to take his virginity. As the both of you spend more time getting intimate with each other, you are forced to acknowledge your feelings for one another.

Contains: idiots in love trope, friends to lovers trope, lovers in denial, one-bed trope, crack and sarcasm, mutual pining, smut, fingering (reader receiving), dry-humping, fluff, afab reader, eventual angst, anger issues, allusions to surgery

Pairing: Hunter Sylvester! x afab! reader

Word count: 4900

Parts: I, II

You woke up feeling Hunter's breath tickling the back of your neck, his hand still resting firmly on top of you. You turned around to look at him as he was asleep. He looked very peaceful- a huge contrast with his usual state of being. His eyebrows were scrunched up and his mouth was slightly open. He looked cute just lying there. He pulled you closer and nuzzled into you.

  "I could feel you staring at me even in my sleep." He yawned and swallowed.

 You were caught, embarrassment flooding your head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." You whispered apologetically.

 "It's ok, you can make it up to me by staying like this for a little bit." You flushed. He wanted to hold you close. You were baffled but also incredibly joyful about it.

 "I can do that." You assured

  He made a clicking noise with his tongue and pecked your cheek. You were melting. The last thing you had ever imagined is Hunter being so soft and loving. I guess it is true what people say- harsh exterior, mushy interior. His hair was getting all messy as he adjusted to lay on your chest and put his arms on your sides.

 This whole course or whatever he called it was working all too well with you realizing that you might in fact have feelings for this weirdo. You couldn't keep lying to yourself anymore. Your heart was getting warmer for him by the second and the lovey-dovey act made it all the worse. You needed to snap out of it. Detach before it got fatal.

 "I think I need to go home."

 "We haven't even had breakfast yet. There is Captain Crunch in the kitchen, especially for you." He smiled

 "Oh, fuck you, asshole." You jabbed him lightly in the ribs and giggled.

 "Ouch, that hurt a lot. Don't you want to kiss it better?" He pouted, pleading to you with his eyes.

 You lowered your head to level with his ribs and kissed them over his T-shirt. Then you quickly got out of bed and got your clothes from his desk. "Ok, I gotta run now. Hope you feel better." You nudged yourself to get dressed as fast as possible and head out of the door but before you knew it he was out of bed and hugging you.

 "I'm not going to be keeping you. Just wanted to say bye." He declared as he put one loose strand of hair behind your ear.

 Your heart was in your throat. Or somewhere else entirely, you weren't sure. But all you knew was that you couldn't speak. You couldn't say anything. You tried to calm down your breathing discreetly, bit down on your tongue, and coughed up a quiet "goodbye". You let go of him and rushed out the door.

 His face dropped once you had gone. He knew he had fucked up. Maybe you wouldn't want to even see him again. He probably freaked you out with how needy he was acting but he couldn’t control it. His plan wasn’t going so great after all.

 "Fuck!" He hissed as he punched the kitchen island. "Shit, that actually did hurt. Fuck!" He snickered again, holding his fist close to his face so he could inspect it.

 "Don't break any of my furniture, kid!" His dad came into the room. "You had a rough night? Wanna talk about it..." For a moment Hunter considered it and then..

 "... I mean I get it; they always look prettier at night and in the morning... Uh... Real hags, am I right?" He tried to sound as if he empathized with his son.

 "You are talking about my best friend!" Hunter snapped.

 "Oh, she spent the night. She is a good kid. But what I said still applies. Everyone looks better at night and when you wake up you realize you made a mistake..."

 "Yeah, I get that," Hunter mumbled to himself with a pained expression. "I'm alright, I'm just gonna go down to my room."

 "Ok, kiddo. I'm gonna make bacon later, you can help yourself to a serving.." Hunter had already left.

  In the meantime, you were sprinting home, galloping even, floating through the air. But why? You felt so nice with him. There was no actual reason for you to go. You couldn't take it. All this uncertainty. All of these intrusive thoughts clouding your judgment. You couldn’t like your friend. Especially not now. Not after what you agreed to do. It is only bound to become worse for you while in the back of his mind there was probably a mental list of all of the girls he was going to bed or whatever.

You had to put your feelings aside. Your friend needed you and you promised to help. And to start making things right you needed to apologize. "I'm sorry I ran off in such a hurry. I remembered I had to look after my uncle's dog. I had a really good time last night! Next time you can pick the show :)"  

  You texted, wanting to make sure you didn't offend him in any way with your behavior, sprinkling in a little white lie to seem as not so big of an asshole.

 Hunter's phone buzzed. He saw he got a text from you. He wasn't prepared for whatever you had sent but curiosity urged him to open the message. "It's no problem. Next time we are doing it at yours and ur ordering."  He replied, a smile appearing on his face.

  Hunter came over to your house the next weekend. He made a mental note: no funny business, no overdoing it, no scaring you off. He wanted to do anything and everything with you. Go all the way, but you didn't need to know it or sense it. He shouldn't have made it obvious. "Ok, here goes nothing." He whispered to himself.

 You opened the door after hearing him knock, shivers and cold sweats running down your body. You could do this. It was just a normal hang-out with your friend. Nothing more. The two of you hadn't spent one on one time for a whole week. That's probably why you were feeling so anxious. "Hello there.." you said awkwardly."Come on in. I've ordered Chinese food and I have snacks."

 "Cool.." he smiled politely, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  "What do you want to watch.."

 "Look I'm sorry. I can't just not say anything. I know I weirded you out last time and I didn't mean to. We can stop with the lessons. I can learn the old-fashioned way." He cleared his throat

 "Hunter, you can't possibly weird me out, we've known each other for so long that there Is nothing you could do to achieve that..." You stated well-intentioned, completely lying through your teeth. "I said I was going to help you and from the beginning, you told me how you wanted it to be. You don't want it to seem fabricated, you want it to be natural, and if that's how you are around people you like then whoever gets on your rooster will be incredibly lucky." You smiled at him invitingly

 "Thank you.." he still felt a bit shy and out of place but he appreciated your words. "So we are continuing this experiment?" He asked, waiting for a confirmation.

 "As long as you want to, yes."

 "Great, that's great, yeah. It is totally going to help in the future... you know... when I like someone.."

  "Yeah, I do know." You mumbled disappointedly.

  The both of you were seated on the sofa in the living room, barely speaking to each other, not because you were so engulfed in the incredible storytelling of "Extreme Cheapskates" but because the both of you were too afraid to disturb the peace, to ruin everything. There was an uncomfortable amount of distance between you and both of you secretly wanted to break it, but you were set on restraining yourselves. Wishing that the other would be the one to make the first move or to speak up.

 "I'm gonna go get the popcorn out of the microwave. Be right back"

 "Ok, don't take too much time or you might miss the juicy part."

 "Sure, as if there is a juicy part." You welled sarcastically from the kitchen, reaching into the microwave, distractedly feeling for the hot bag of popcorn, palms first. You yelped in pain.

 "Fuck, ouch" you hissed. Hunter jumped out of his seat and hurried over to you. He looked at you with worry as you ran your hand under the kitchen sink, cold water splashing over your skin.

 "I'm ok, don't worry. Just slightly burned myself, a common mistake. Just me being clumsy." You joked but you could still see him coming closer to you to inspect your hand, drying it off with a towel and holding it caringly.

  "Do you have Band-Aids or a plaster?" He asked

  "Don't be silly, this is nothing. It's not even an actual burn. It just stung a little bit. That's all." You said reassuringly, becoming increasingly aware of his proximity. You could smell his cologne, see every little scratch on his face. As he was holding your gaze, he brought your hand to his mouth and started planting little kisses over it. You gulped. You couldn't take it. His eyes boring into yours. Into your soul even.

  He opened his mouth to speak a soft "Is that better?" but you hungrily hushed him with your lips, gripping tightly onto the fabric of his jacket.

 He kissed you back, hands on your waist, pulling you close, sensing the scent of your shampoo. He wanted you and maybe you wanted him too.

  Not letting go of each other, you led him back into the living room and pushed him down onto the sofa. You were on top of him, looking down with a sheepish smile. He reached up and cupped your face, kissing you way more confidently this time, his tongue meeting yours and playing with it. He put his hands on the small of your back, pushing you down to close the gap between you. As you broke away, he started looking at you all starstruck.

 "Do you want to go up to my room?" You asked in a hushed voice. That's all he ever wanted for as long as he could remember, but now when the possibility was so close he panicked. He wasn't ready to have you this close not knowing whether it was going to last.

 "Yeah, I do," he said as he gently kissed your neck. "But I can't…I can't do it tonight…I'm sorry." He broke away from your skin

 "Oh?" Flush set over your face. "I didn't mean... I get it if you're not ready, I just wanted more privacy... Not sure when my parents are gonna come bursting through the door. I can't have them seeing me on top of you like this."

 Fuck, that's how it sounded. I mean maybe you wanted it. You did want to actually. But you were going to let it play out slow and steady. You didn't mean to rush things.

 "Oh, ok then.. let’s go.." Hunter chuckled embarrassedly.

 "I mean, I thought you were staying over. Like when I stayed over last time. I'm sorry I made things awkward. I didn't mean to kill the mood." You fidgeted with your fingers.

  "It's ok, you didn't." He laughed softly and pecked your lips.

  Both of you went up the stairs and straight to your room. You were getting progressively hornier. Inexplicably so, right? You hushed the lighting a bit and played music from one of his playlists so he feels more at home. Then you held his hand and whispered: "Do you want to come to bed with me?"

  "Yes, positively so." He answered excitedly.

 He was such a kid. You loved him for it. Uh.. the l-word. Nope, too early for that. Time to push the thought down and not examine it ever again.

 He laid on top of you this time, stroking your hair and slowly kissing down your neck, being careful not to leave any marks. He looked down at you adoringly and played with the hem of your shirt.

  "You can take it off if you want to." You told him almost inaudibly

 A rush coursed through his body, he put his arms on your stomach and slowly started to peel it off of you when a voice echoed through the house. "Honey, we are home." Shit, cockblocks. The nation's favorites. "Come down for a moment, you need to put away all these plates if you are going to bed. You can't just leave a mess like that." Your mom shouted.

  "Coming" you answered with annoyance. "I'm sorry.." you started massaging your temples angrily

 "It's ok, I'll come down with you. It's my mess too." He grinned lovingly and you gave him an appreciative kiss in response. "Thanks"

After you were done washing the dishes and organizing them back into their respective places, the two of you went up to your room again. "I'm sorry for the interruption." You looked at him apologetically

 "It's ok, we can pick up where we left off some other time right?" He asked all hopeful and giddy.

 "Yes, of course." You went to the bathroom and undressed. Putting on one of your favorite slip dress. Maybe you weren't going to have sex tonight but you could still give him a view. Hunter peeled off his T-shirt and jeans and tucked himself in bed, sniffing your pillows before you came back in.

  "I'm sorry. It is so warm. I'm going to boil if I wear the T-shirt..." He spat out distractedly as he saw you come closer to him.

 "That's ok. I want you to be comfortable." You were holding his gaze and you could see his eyes all too obviously roaming your body. Your hair was down, the skirt of the gown ending only a couple of inches after your thighs. One of the straps had slid down your shoulders and the material of the dress was leaving pretty little to the imagination.

 Without a beat, he grabbed you by the hips and positioned you on top of him, your skirt riding up and revealing more of your skin to him. Both of your straps were slightly off your shoulders now and your breath had hitched in your throat. "Hunter.."

  "…You said you weren't ready.." you uttered as his lips came down to your neck, not so tentatively this time, not caring at all whether he left a mark. You gasped loudly at this action.

 "I can still make you feel good, right?" He said in a hushed husky tone. "What else are a guitarist’s fingers good for? Just don't make too much noise. I don't want your parents banning me from your house." He smirked and flipped you over getting on top of you. You had never wanted him more. You bit your bottom lip. You were getting so wet just by listening to him talk.

  He continued kissing and sucking on your neck and slowly touching up your thighs, scratching them, making you hiss. "May I?" He said pleading.

 "Ye-yes... Please do.."

 He was getting so fucking hard seeing you like this. But he wanted to prove himself to you. Show you how much he values your pleasure over his. He started massaging your clit, warranting a gasp or two from you. As he found the right tempo, he could see you fully letting go, gripping tightly onto his biceps. Scratching him as you did, which he loved.

 When he was sure you were wet enough, he inserted one of his fingers into you, hitting you just in the right spot. Your legs were shaking. You were nothing but a sweating, cursing mess under his touch."Fuck, Hunter, don't stop!"

  "Not planning to."He dipped his head to suck on the upper part of your breasts and added in another finger. Pumping in and out at a steady pace he started moving faster into you, making you moan. Damn all of his experience plucking strings. It felt waay too good.

 He thrusted into you faster, knowing all too well you weren't going to last much longer. He bore into your eyes. He could see you were close, you just needed a little encouragement and encouraging he was:  -"It's ok, you can let go. Come all over my fingers. I'll lick them clean later."

 That was all you needed to hear. You gripped him harder, pushing yourself up to crash into him, and bit down on his shoulder as you finished all over his hand. He continued fingering you until you came down from your high.

 He removed his fingers from you and inserted them into his mouth, savoring every little drop of you. "You taste fucking amazing." He exclaimed as he bent down to kiss your lips. Your cheeks were red and there was no hiding it.

  You held up a glass of water to him. You were mesmerized as if you were seeing him with new eyes. This was Hunter, your presumed ‘just friend’. The one who had just made you come and put you on cloud nine. After he gulped down his water he asked with a concerned expression: "Did I do well?"

 You wrapped your arms around him and kissed him gently. “Yes, you did fantastically." You smiled into his lips and he smiled too.

   The metal aficionado was extremely geeked. Reviewing his notes every day and replaying the time you had spent together in his head constantly. He was trying to be slick, but he wasn't sure how long it would take before he crumbled.

 He had fooled you. Unbeknownst to you, he had no intention of even entertaining the idea of getting with his so-called ‘groupies’. He wanted you to be his teacher because was only interested in pleasing one person- you. Studying what you desire and what puts you off.

  It probably sounded a bit scheming but he couldn't just go up to you to confess that he liked you, you know, as a normal fucking human being would. He didn't even want to fully admit it to himself. Emotions were tricky for him and so were for you. The situation wouldn't have gone anywhere if he were to breach the gap with you not returning his feelings. No, he needed a plan to make you want him too and he was willing to do anything to achieve it. That's why when you finally followed up on your next lesson, he was ecstatic.

 "I'm gonna come by your place later tonight."

  "Cool, text me when ur close." He wanted to sound nonchalant but he was freaking out. Acting like a fangirl watching fancams of one of her favorite kpop idols. He was so giddy and happy that even his father got worried.

"What the fuck is that squeaky noise coming out of your room, kid? Are you ok?"

"I'm doing amazing birth enabler! Also don't just pop in the stairway without announcing yourself. I could be wanting my privacy."

 "When you get yourself a fancy house with a pool, music studio, three bedrooms, three bathrooms, kitchen and living room by cutting and filling up tits is when you will be entitled to your privacy."

"I know you would rather be FEELING up tits instead-but if I were to properly think about doing some of that myself I would still need my fucking space, so leave! Now!"

"I'm paying your therapist way too much!"

"That's all of the precious boob money for you!" Hunter screamed annoyed, trying to sound witty while he heard a different set of footsteps down the stairs.

"I'm sorry, did I come at the wrong time? I texted you ten minutes ago and rang the doorbell but you didn't reply so I let myself in. Oh, and hello mister Sylvester."

"Well hello to you too, looks like some people your age still have manners, Hunter! Always a pleasure to have you home, darling. I wanted to say I'm sorry about your aunt… It's terrible what happened to her. You know you're basically family so if you ever want to have a breast augmentation, I can make you a deal for the implants afterward. With a chest your size, not too big to be a burden to your back but still eye-catching enough you should keep the volume so..."

 "Father, get the fuck out! And stop staring at students’ tits!"

 "Don't get ridiculous Hunter, she is like a daughter to me. I would never.. anyways I think I have some work to do. I'm gonna leave you kids to it." He replied as he not so discreetly winked at Hunter

 "Fuck... Fucking finally. I'm so sorry! He was incredibly fucking insensitive and creepy."

 "He was staring directly at my chest, like eyeing it reeal good."

 "Yeah, he is fucking disgusting. I'm so sorry."

 "It isn't your fault; you don't have to apologize for his behavior. I'm fine."

 "Do you want to come some other time; I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

 "No, I take all of my ventures very seriously. I told you I was going to be here so here I am."

"Yeah," Hunter said self-consciously, scratching the back of his neck. He noticed how pretty you looked. You always looked pretty, but you had gone out of your way to do so this time. With your hair done, make-up on, a familiar scent of your perfume drifting through the air and the pendent Hunter had gifted you for your birthday hanging around your neck. He was entranced.

 "I don't think we should go all the way tonight. We are still testing things out, being in the beginning stages and all."

 Hunter snapped back awake from his daydream."Mhm" was all he could muster. He wanted to go and grab you, kiss you right this moment but he couldn't just do that after his father's speech. He needed to get the mood going. "Firstly, do you want to listen to some music? You can play whatever you want. Even your shitty the Weeknd knockoffs."

 "Chase Atlantic have some good songs, ok? And it's not so much about quality with them. It's about the vibe of it all. The experience. But that's a great suggestion for the occasion."

 "I don't know, they sound like try-hard vampire wannabes."

 "Yeah, that’s the beauty of it."

 You turned on the speaker and played one of your playlists. For a moment you were somewhere else, mouthing the lyrics, humming to yourself, slowly rocking your hips in tune with the music as Hunter came up behind you and turned your head so you were facing him."Good thing you're also beautiful, otherwise I would never listen to that crap." He muttered in a hushed voice.

  You mustered a barely audible "thank you" and he shushed you with his lips. It was hard to get used to. Him touching you like that, talking to you like he wasn't little old Hunter. The one you grew up with, the one you had known ever since diapers, but right now it was too hard to perceive him that way. You had already gone over the crossing line and there was no going back.

 He held your hand in his and whispered into your mouth: "Do you want to come to bed with me? I promise I won't do anything to scare you off." Batting his eyelashes, trying to look as innocent as possible.

 "Do you even know how to?" You teased, feeling him come up against you again way more assertively this time.

  His hands landed on your hips, yours entangled in his hair. His tongue slithered into your mouth, soft gasps escaping both of you. He was calculated at first, confident but measured until he got progressively hungrier for your kiss. As you started reaching for his back, pushing him closer and closer to you he deepened the kiss and began roaming your body with his hands. Your knees were getting weak just from the slightest touch. He was a virgin but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a hell of a good kisser. You started to lose balance. He prompted you up by sliding his knee between your legs. A dirty trick that was working very well in his favor.

You parted to get some air and he whispered again. "I hope not." You were flushed, all knots in your stomach and trembling pulsing sensation all over your limbs. He had turned you into jello just by kissing you and that did scare you because you didn't expect to feel this good, to want him so much.

 "Lead the way." You your heart was racing.

 Hunter grabbed your hand again and sat on top of his bed. To his surprise, you didn't sit next to him or opposite him. You made yourself comfortable in his lap, lightly grinding down on him. All of his confidence from before flew out the window. You looked at him with lust in your eyes, your lips forming a devilish smile as you scanned his face. He was getting nervous. He wanted to impress you and he loved every second of it but he wasn't expecting you to look at him the same way. He guessed you were committed to your job. He was speechless just looking at you, wanting to remember this forever.

"What are you getting so shy for, didn't you invite me here?" You grinned cockily "It's ok baby boy, I can do some of the work now. You just relax." You whispered into his lips kissing him yourself with none of the measure or sensitivity of some of your previous kisses. You were boiling from the inside. A volcano ready to erupt. You grinded on him wantingly, letting him feel the wetness seeping through your underwear as your skirt had ridden up your thighs, exposing them deliciously. He moaned in response when you pulled on his hair, nibbling and sucking on his lips and finishing him off by biting the lower one.

 You being so desperately horny for him got him so incredibly hard. He was a mess under your touch but he needed you to be one under his as well. He couldn't control it anymore. He held down your inner thighs, squeezing them hard as his fingers dug into your skin. You gasped and moaned. He began sucking on your neck, leaving purple bruises on his path. He licked and kissed your calves and upper breasts as you purred into his ear."Hunter, this feels so damn good."

 Electricity coursed through his body. He needed to have you all to himself like this forever. He gripped your hips hard, moving you on top of him faster and faster. He kissed you just like you had kissed him

before. With his lustful tongue making patterns in your mouth, sucking on your lips, and then biting you playfully. He put more and more speed in, feeling your heat press against his erection so violently. He was going to come; he couldn't contain himself but he needed you to come with him too.

 "God, you make me insane. You are so fucking hot." He hissed while bucking his hips upwards, hitting your core in the most sinful way.

 You could see he was close and you needed something to push both of you off the edge so without even thinking you whimpered into his mouth. "If you get this hard and desperate for me now, I could only imagine what you would do when you're stretching me out with your dick."

 That was the last straw. He couldn't hold on anymore. He came under you, cum bursting all over his boxers and he couldn't be happier about it. Your legs were twitching as you came a second later, a vibration coursing through your body. You closed your eyes for a moment just to open them and to remember -you just made your best friend cream his pants and you wanted to do it again and again.

 But then the sinking feeling came in. He wanted to do this as a form of practice for other girls. He was going to creep up under your skin,  get to your heart, and then use all of the moments you've spent together to please someone else. Like it didn't mean anything. And the worst part was that this was exactly what you agreed to, so why did it make you ache?

  Hunter was blissful. He was much closer to you than he had ever been before and it seemed like you were feeling this newfound closeness too, that you liked It, but this voice in the back of his head came back rushing in: "She is just following up on her promise. If she feels anything towards me right now, it's probably pity."

 You slowly untangled yourself from the metalhead, got up, and straightened up your skirt. "Well, I gotta go now. Good job today, partner.. uh student." You gave him an awkward high-five and bolted out of his room.

 Yeah, it was definitely pity.

[adverbally]

I’m Never Gonna Dance Again

Written for the @steddieangstyaugust prompt “Careless Whisper - George Michael” | wc: 795 | rated: T | cw: description of knee injury, brief discussion of surgery and recovery | tags: career-ending injury, ballet dancer steve, eddie is also a ballet dancer but that’s less relevant to the story, I am not a ballet expert but I did my best

———

Steve built his reputation as a danseur on his ability to jump: height, hang time, graceful landings, the complete package. So maybe it’s only fitting that the last step of his professional ballet career would be a jump as well.

A double cabriole derrière.

He’d done it hundreds of times in his career, on stage and in the studio. Throwing a leg into the air, twisting his body while his other leg comes up to beat against it twice, pushing it even higher, before landing on the bottom leg again. So simple he could float through it on autopilot, already thinking ahead to nailing the triple tour en l’air later in the variation.

Muscle memory takes over as he launches upward, raising one arm above his head with the other extended to the side, feeling the perfect point of his feet as his legs meet in the air, once, twice before gravity takes over again…

Steve hears the pop before he feels anything.

Then comes the pain in the front of his knee as it buckles beneath him. He can’t get up, he can’t even extend his leg, and he knows immediately that his days as a principal dancer are over.

It isn’t the injury itself that’s the problem. A fully ruptured patellar tendon, like his own, can be repaired. With surgery and physical therapy, he could be healed in a year, tops. Strength and range of motion almost fully restored, just a little stiffness in the joint.

But it would happen again. Repetitive motion, jumping and leaping and landing, had weakened the tendon in the first place, and resuming his work would put him at risk of another tear. He could strain other parts of his leg as he compensated for his weakened knee, and the potential cascade of more surgeries and less mobility… he needs to think beyond his ballet career and consider the rest of his life.

Eddie helps him with that, as he always does. Ballet had brought them together, from roommates at the conservatory to partners dancing for the same company. As much as he cherished sharing the stage with the love of his life, there is so much more Steve wants to share with him– walks along Lakeshore Drive, the stairs to the front door of their future home, maybe even a couple of toddlers to chase around.

Losing ballet would be okay as long as he still has Eddie, Steve thinks.

And for the most part, it is. His surgery is successful and he storms through his rehabilitation with a focus he never used outside of ballet. He keeps his spirits up, even once the cold weather sets in and the ballet season begins without him. He can walk without a limp, moving through the daily activities of his new life as if nothing had ever happened. He even tries a few simple footwork sequences under the close supervision of his physical therapist.

(When asked to jump, he refuses to try, not even a simple assemblé. It would be too painful to see how his technique had suffered in the months without practice, how the leaps that once came to him as easily as breathing are now far out of his reach.)

Everything is fine until eight months post-injury. That’s when the dreams start.

It’s usually Steve, alone on the stage, performing a solo to an empty auditorium. No music, only the slap of his slippers against the floor with every step. It’s often something he’s performed before, like Siegfried’s solo in the third act of Swan Lake or Albrecht in Act 2 of Giselle. Other nights, it’s his original choreography, made up while staring out the window on the El as he heads home from the studio. One memorable time, it’s a pas de deux of his own creation, with Eddie as his partner as they trade leaps and lifts and pirouettes as equals.

The dreams always feel so peaceful. There are no distractions, just him and his body and his breath, moving through variations, feeling the emotion behind each dance, doing what he does best. He hits every step perfectly. It’s like the endorphin rush of his best performance, every time.

And then he wakes up.

He has a moment, a fleeting thought of his rehearsal schedule for the day, wondering if his favorite practice tights are clean, before reality sets in. Then it hits him, and it hits him hard. He stumbles out of bed with his knee stiff from sleep, hoping he doesn’t wake Eddie.

Steve slips into the bathroom and turns on the shower. Then he braces himself on the vanity counter and cries as long and as loud as he wants, knowing the running water will cover up the sound of his grief.

[yinora-evergreen]

YINORA!!!!

WRITE A FIC OF BAYVERSE RAPH ADMIRING A FTM READERS TOP SURGERY SCARS

AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!

(please🙏)

a/n: I LOVE THIS PLEASE I LOVE IT SM

pairing: bayverse! Raphael x trans!reader (ftm)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raph couldn't keep his eyes off you.

you were hanging out with the four turtles all day by now, as you do quite often. you had helped Leo clean his katana's this morning, and in the early afternoon you sat with Donnie talking about whatever project he was working on currently.

and now, Mikey is teaching you how to do a specific trick on a skateboard.

it isn't a very complicated trick, but to perfect it takes a moment of practice, and since its a pretty warm summer day, and practicing makes you sweat, you took off your shirt.

if someone would've said something about Raph staring, it'd be impossible for him to deny it.

he just can't help it! he's so, so, so proud of you, and he's such a sucker for whatever you do, if you wanted him to, he'd worship the ground you walk on and kiss your shoes.

see, he knows it took a while for you to be comfortable doing stuff like walk around without a shirt, even when you were alone. you had your top surgery about three months ago, and you were so happy about it. in the first three weeks of healing, you barely got out of your apartment, simply because you needed all the rest you could get, and hell, you could barely put on a shirt by yourself, and you couldnt raise your arms very high, so you figured it'd be best to get all the rest you could get.

after those three weeks, you were still healing, but you were starting to come over to the lair a bit more, slowly building up again and being careful. he was really happy about that, because, as much as he'd love to deny it, he missed you, and maybe he was curious about how you looked now. you didnt show him the after effects of the surgery yet back then, because, since it was still healing, you didn't want him to think it looked gross, and you wanted him to get to see it when it actually looked good.

once you finally did finish the healing process, you still refrained from actually showing him, part of you still feeling like you needed to cover up, part of you still getting used to this new development in your body, despite being super happy about it.

another two weeks later, you finally showed him the results, in private, just the two of you in his bedroom. he was fascinated.

"can i... can i touch it?" he had asked quietly, like he was in some sort of trance. you had nodded, with a hint of shyness in your smile as he oh so gently traced his thumbs over the scars. he thought you looked so handsome. his handsome boyfriend.

and he's so, so, so proud of you for finally finding the comfort of being shirtless around his brothers, unafraid and unashamed about your scars.

he admired them so much, shamelessly staring at them.

he admired you.

he loves you so much, it hurts when he thinks about it too long.

how did he get so lucky?

[coyoteprince]

Some thoughts on the masculine side of my gender experience and how it ties into vulnerability

I am nonbinary, I believe some flavor of fluid, but I just read as a goth cis woman to the layperson. That's fine and good, there is a safety and privilege in being stealth even with the alternative way I dress, but there also feels like a safe with something precious I keep locked away in me.

I take comfort in referring to myself as a "woman with a man's personality" and likening myself to a kelpie or nymph: beautiful, soft, but merely a vision of a woman: in reality underneath the gossamer, a beast that fails man's words.

Occasionally, something stirs to life in me, similar but different: those feelings of masculinity. I am naturally positioned by my genes (I can grow a shitty sparse beard) and temperament to have some secondary features- but thats it.

And yet, when the pangs of longing ache, they come on suddenly and harsh and I feel trapped.

There is nothing I can truly do to feel comfortable with the swing of identity. Only shapeshifiting back and forth could satisfy me which is impossible. Yes, I could seek hormones or surgery, but I have decided for now to not for a variety of reasons. As part of that, I've always been rather... defensive and secretive about the masculine part of my identity. I have a secondary masculine name I only allow people I trust to call me, and this dumb tumblr post is the first time I'm admitting some rather personal things to the public eye.

I'm well aware today many won't respect the nature of my gender just because I am a ~nonbinary girl~ and not seeking permanent transition, but even before that the thought of being trans was too much for me.

The first time I realized I was trans I wasn't older than 15 and noticed the thoughts I was experiencing about wanting to feel like a boy. It frightened me so bad that I vowed to never give it attention again specifically because I already knew I was queer, mentally different, being abused, and "didn't need another target on my back". Haha. Hahaha

Ignoring those thoughts hasn't been too hard except when I see the ghost of my identity. Then it is overwhelming, like a wave crashing over me and threatening to sweep me into the tide. Painful and exhilarating all at once. Before I know it, it's gone again.

I read and watched The Outsiders in middleschool, as did many. I latched onto Johnny, a greaser kid with an abusive family who tried to play tough but was really just an incredibly scared, sweet runt. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I identified so hard with him but hindsight is 20/20. Despite the hamminess of Outsiders, I continue to hold a fondness.

Later, when I became comfortable with my nonbinary ID (something that was quite difficult for me) and an adult, I saw another ghost. A theme now set: soft hearted greasers. The first time I heard this I curled up and couldn't stop replaying it even though it made my chest ache.

Finally, the last ghost I've seen and what really made it all click for me was Izzy.

I was neutral of Izzy for the first season (sorry my old man fucker peers), but seeing him become disabled and starting to soften made me intrigued. Then, the drag scene and him singing: I yelped in excitement, bewilderment, and bawled like never before. It was the most intense gender euphoria I've ever felt. Izzy shot to the top of my favorite characters ever in an instant with all he grew to embody.

I guess I identify with boys clad in leather, forced to become rugged in all the wrong ways. Underneath, a natural softness terrified but desperate to show itself.

You can see this in Waite, too: A handsome, dark man who is oh so soft underneath. It's no secret that in my story over time he accepts his nonbinary identity and allows his truth to be seen framed by carnations and frill. Perhaps he is what I wish I was.

On the other hand, Degare is somewhat closer to my reality. A gender all his own, effeminant masculine mannerisms, fairly feminine dress, breasts and vagina and all- though he is still often more masculine than how I present. In contrast to Waite's uneasy fear of judgement, he tries to guard his natural softness rather aggressively out of fear of being taken advantage of.

I'm sure to many reading this I sound like a transmasc "egg" that hasn't cracked yet. To others, very mentally ill. Maybe to some who are fluid, they know the wish-washy feelings.

Either way, I'm a proud freak and I've worked hard to not allow others to hold power over how I view myself anymore. These past 4 years through a cocktail of treatments (though meditation and practice have been the biggest game changers) I've diligently learned how to balance being openly loving to all and authentic- yet protecting my energy and staying sure of my identity no matter another's opinion. Misery loves company and bitter, paranoid gossips and I no longer get along.

Softness, kindness, vulnerability for others and yourself are all difficult, at times seemingly impossible things to achieve when you come from a harsh upbringing and live in a world bombarded by bad news. Change in your view and behavior is excrusiating. But I believe striving for authenticity and love is the most important thing we can do as humans in this life.

Whether I end up transitioning down the line or staying as I am, I've learned to cherish these flashes of masculine desire and be empowered by vulnerability- and I don't regret it.

[bloodrvvvsh]

Code Red, Code Blue. Chapter 1: Acquainted.

Synopsis: When the BAU is led to a case in Seattle, with Seattle Grace Mercy West as the focal point. And after an unfortunate incident involving two cups of hot coffee and a ruined pair of scrubs, Spencer meets a girl that changes his whole life.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Lexie Grey

Warnings: Typical CM discussions of crimes, typical Grey's discussions of gore and medical talk (very minimal, though!), meet-cute, literally one (1) offhanded "killing yourself" joke

Word count: 3.0K

Notes: My baby.. she's finally finished... Please enjoy, I spent way too long on this!

Likes are appreciated, but reblogs and comments help writers more!

Wednesday, September 29. 9:42 AM in Quantico, Virgina.

Spencer had only ever been to Seattle once.

Working in the BAU took him all over the country. Cases popped up in every corner, in every state, in every place you could possibly imagine. He had seen nearly every part of the vast landscape that was the US of A.

The last case that had led them across the country to Seattle was The Seattle Strangler, back when Gideon was still on the team. Spencer had mixed emotions about that thought. But he was a professional and he was going to do his job.

Their current case was as close as you could get to clean cut and dry in their line of work. Women in their 20s being stabbed. Pretty simplistic, right? 

The one connection each murder had, though, was that every single woman was eventually directed to Seattle Grace Mercy West. And while the hospital was a fairly major one, it was a Level 1 Trauma Center, after all, which meant a lot of patients, it was definitely raising a few alarm bells in their heads. Each woman was also eventually declared dead at that exact hospital.

It could never hurt to check every possible lead, could it?

Spencer used two fingers to rub at the sleep clinging to his eye still. He tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn as he shifted in his seat. Although he was quite used to struggles with sleep (hence his dependence on caffeine), it never truly got any better. 

“Late night?” Morgan inquired. He propped his arms on the top of Spencer’s seat, peering over the other man’s shoulder.

Spencer shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. He frowned softly, continuing to try and rid himself of the tiredness that stuck to his lashes before he was interrupted by another yawn.

God, he could really use some coffee right now.

He glanced down at his watch and his frown deepened. They still had at least another two hours until they would land. 

Spencer would consider himself a fairly patient man. He didn’t mind waiting, hell, he most often played the waiting game in his job as a BAU agent. But right now, sitting on that jet running on only five hours of sleep with not a drop of caffeine in sight, he was feeling just one moment away from simply losing it.

Not like it would actually happen, though. Spencer wasn’t that kind of guy. He was calm and reserved, even in the face of adversity. 

Hotch’s voice cut through Spencer’s internal monologue for the moment, snapping him back into reality. “We’re going to head to the police station first,” he began, casting a glance over each BAU member in eyesight, “After we get all the necessary facts, we’re going to head to the hospital. Sound good?” He was met with a round of nods from everyone and he nodded back.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 11:23 AM in Seattle, Washington.

Lexie needed a goddamn break.

Being a surgical resident had to be a punishment designed in one of the seven pits of hell. How dare she desire to save people's lives, right?

At least it was better than being an intern.

She loved her job, don’t get her wrong, being a surgeon was her dream. It’s just that she couldn’t remember the last time she got more than four hours of sleep a night and she was just so tired all the time. From running around constantly to several hours long surgeries to forty-eight hour shifts. 

Not to mention the constant drama and tragedy that filled the Seattle Grace Mercy West halls. You couldn’t turn a corner without hearing about someone sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend or about another MerDer breakup or another surprise pregnancy. Really, sometimes it was just ridiculous.

Lexie herself had been the victim of that good ol’ SGMW drama. She was trying to pull herself free from the clutches of it all, but it always seemed to follow them all. Like some sort of curse was placed on that very hospital.

But that was besides the point. The point was that she needed just one moment of peace, away from all the chaos of the hospital and the drama. Was that so selfish of her?

The sound of sneakers shuffling and her racing heart filled Lexie’s ears as she rushed through the halls. The occasional ‘excuse me’ slipped from her lips, trying not to crash into everyone that was in her way. 

When your attending pages 911, you don’t walk - you run.

Her feet skidded to a stop as the familiar emergency room came into view, nearly making her trip with the sudden halt. Her movements seemed almost practiced with the near mindless way she moved - triage gown, tie in the back, gloves. This wasn’t her first trauma, and it would be far from the last.

“What do we have?” Bailey’s voice cut through the millions of other noises filling the room - the rustling of fabric, the snapping of latex gloves on skin, the chatter of voices. The ER was ever far from being quiet.

“28-year-old woman stabbed fifteen times in the torso, majority in the chest,” Owen shot back. He rushed forwards when the glint of red and blue lights followed by the sirens that would follow them for the rest of their lives came into view, and the rest of them marched behind.

“God, overkill much?” Cristina muttered low to Meredith. Bailey, who heard everything always, shot a glare over her shoulder. Cristina threw her hands up in defense, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Her face fell the minute Bailey turned away and she shook her head with a quiet scoff.

The doors to the ambulance flew open and out rushed a woman on a stretcher. “BP is 158 over 92, HR is 92,” an EMT announced. Owen cursed under his breath as he took the railing of the stretcher into his hands.

“She’s hypertensive,” he announced. Quickly, other hands began to grab onto the stretcher as well, guiding the women into the hospital doors. He barked out a few names and different orders and Lexie slowly loosened her grip on the railing as her feet quit keeping pace before stopping entirely. She watched as the woman was rushed towards a trauma room, a frown falling on her lips. Trauma was never a pretty sight.

With a sigh she made her way to the receptionist desk near the ER entrance doors where a few of the other residents left behind had gathered.

“That’s the third stabbing in less than two months,” April remarked. A little frown began to form on her lips as she flipped the chart in her hand. “And they’ve all been women in their late 20s.”

She didn’t have to say it. They were all thinking it. The glances exchanged spoke a thousand words.

“You don’t think..” Meredith trailed off. She shot a look towards Cristina, then glanced back at April. The current hypothesis wasn’t looking so hot.

“It’s probably just a weird coincidence,” Lexie was quick to interject. Her words did little to quell the tense energy that filled the emergency room. “I mean, Seattle’s a big city. Plenty of crazy people doing crazy things. I’m sure they’re not related.” She waved a hand dismissively. Then she added, “It is getting close to the holidays. Don’t crime rates increase during the holiday seasons, or something?”

The pager attached to her hip beeped. She groaned, a pout appearing on her face at the sound. She unclicked it from the waistband of her scrub pants to take a glance at the numbers displayed on the screen and she sighed once more. It was Derek.

With a murmur of, “I’ve got to go,” that was met with a few dismissive waves of goodbyes from her fellow residents, she made her way towards the elevators, absolutely not ready for whatever Derek had in store for her now.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 2:17 PM in Seattle, Washington.

One thing you never want to hear in a hospital is silence. And that’s exactly Lexie had been greeted when she emerged from the imaging room, a stack of paperwork and scans ordered by Derek in hand. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something was absolutely happening and she’d be damned if she was left out of it.

It all started to make sense, though, as she made her descent down a floor of stairs and she noticed a group of her coworkers crowded behind a corner. Mentally she counted heads - Cristina, Meredith, Alex, Jackson, April.. All five of them in the same place at the same time, clearly hiding from someone (or something?), always spelled trouble.

Cautiously, she made her way towards the group. She tried to stand on her tip-toes, trying to look over their shoulders to see whatever the hell it was that was making them all stop in their tracks, but to no luck.

Finally with a huff, she decided to pipe up. “What are we looking at?” Her sudden appearance obviously spooked them, as they all nearly jumped at the sound of her voice, but they quickly relaxed when they realized it was just Lexie. She flashed a little smile that was short lived and didn’t quite reach her eyes with an utterance of ‘sorry’. 

“Them,” Meredith said. Lexie leaned to the side and she followed the finger that Meredith pointed with. Never would have Lexie guessed what would be standing before her right now.

There, talking to the Chief and Owen, was a group of people that certainly didn’t look like they belonged together. One man in particular, though, stood out among the rest - a tall man with curly brown locks and the most beautiful face Lexie had ever seen. “I heard they’re FBI agents,” Cristina cut in, knocking her out her little lovestruck daydream, and Lexie’s head snapped so quickly to look back at her, it’s a wonder it didn’t break.

“What?” Was all she could manage in response. “FBI, wh-” She shook her head, trying to clear her head from all the thoughts racing through it. “What would the FBI be doing here?” Her voice dropped low, almost to a rushed whisper.

Cristina shrugged. “Hell if I know.” Lexie frowned. And just as she opened her mouth, ready to say more, Owen gestured in the direction of their little gathering. And when the group of supposed FBI agents looked at them, they all took off, scattering away in their different directions, like roaches when you turned the lights on.

Except for Lexie. She was frozen in place, her blood running cold in her body when their hard eyes locked on her. She forced another smile, a nervous little giggle escaping her as heat washed over her cheeks in heavy waves. She raised her free hand to offer them a half-hearted greeting before pointing behind her with her thumb and then promptly spinning on her heel and hurriedly trying to escape the embarrassment that was that interaction.

~

Wednesday, September 29. 2:45 PM in Seattle, Washington.

Spencer had drank approximately four-and-a-half cups of coffee since landing in Seattle, and he was not quite satisfied yet.

Would he ever truly be satisfied with the amount of caffeine he consumed? Could anyone, really? The answer didn’t really matter. Not to him, anyways. Especially not now, when the tiredness ran bone deep and the day was nowhere near close to being finished. So, he was going to get another cup.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” he announced offhandedly as he pushed himself up from his seat. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow at the young genius as he started to make his way in the direction of the coffee machines. “Really?” Morgan said. “Another cup of coffee? Seriously, kid, you’re going to kill yourself with all that caffeine and sugar you consume.” Spencer waved a hand in response and Morgan could only shake head with a small smile falling over his lips.

“Oh, you’re getting coffee?” JJ perked up, craning her neck slightly to catch Spencer’s eye before he disappeared. “Do you think you could get me a cup, too? Please?”

Spencer nodded. “Cream and sugar?” A grin split across JJ’s face at the idea that he remembered what she liked in her coffee. Although, with Spencer, he couldn’t have possibly forgotten in the first place. “You know it!” she called out to him. “You’re the best, Spence!”

“No problem,” he called back to her as he turned the corner. 

The trek to the elevator and up to the coffee carts was not a particularly long one, but it did give Spencer enough time to get lost in his thoughts. His movements almost ran on autopilot as he got on the elevator and pressed the button with the number four painted on it.

His feet moved for him, guiding him in the direction of exactly where he wanted to be. Ideas and different theories of their current case filled his head as he walked.

All of this to say - he was not paying attention. Not one bit. Not even as he mindlessly ordered two coffees - one mocha latte with room for sugar and one black with cream and sugar. Not as he began to round the corners that he was starting to become familiar with from turning around so many times due to his near caffeine addiction.

Not even as another body rounded the same corner as him.

It wasn’t until the harsh impact came, the colliding of two people knocking hard into each other and hot coffee being dumped all over each other, that he really came back to reality.

Lexie gasped as the coffee crashed right onto her, burning through her scrubs and stinging her skin. She glanced up, wanting to look whoever just ruined her scrubs in the eye, and it was like the whole world slowed for a moment.

It was cute supposed FBI agent guy. 

Her jaw went slack, practically hitting the floor, and all she could do was stare. She almost wanted to pinch herself, check if any of this was really real, but the hot coffee burning her skin told her it was true.

“I’m so sorry,” The words fell out of Spencer’s mouth in an instant. He glanced around in search of something, anything, that could clean up the mess he just made, but he was coming up empty. “Really, I am so sorry-”

Lexie shook her head. “It’s fine-”

Spencer’s eyebrows pinched together. “I just spilled hot coffee all over you, it is not fine.” Lexie could feel her heart skip a beat.

“No, really, it- it’s fine,” she chuckled. “I have another pair of scrubs in my locker, it’s okay.” Spencer didn’t seem satisfied with that answer.

Now it was his turn to shake his head. “Can I make it up to you? You know, for.. getting you doused in coffee and ruining your scrubs.”

Lexie hesitated for a moment. While he was very cute, and seemingly very sweet, she barely knew this guy.

But something inside her told her to take her chance.

“Uh,” she bit down on her bottom lip. She waited for a beat. “Yeah,” she found herself saying, “Yeah, why don’t you buy me a coffee?” Spencer’s whole face lit up at her answer.

Could you blame him, though? Even covered in coffee, the woman before him was absolutely stunning.

“My name’s Spencer,” he finally added. “Spencer Reid. Doctor Spencer Reid, actually.’” Lexie arched a brow at him, head tilting to the side. “Doctor, huh?” she echoed. “Are you, like, new around here, or something? Did you transfer from another hospital?”

“Oh, no. I- I’m not an MD, I’m, uh.. I’m a PhD.”

Lexie slowly nodded her head. “Right,” she muttered. The smile on her face couldn’t seem to budge. “Well, I’m Lexie,” she stuck a hand out to him, “Doctor Lexie Grey, MD.” They both grinned at her words before chuckling. Spencer found himself thinking her name was beautiful. He glanced down at her outstretched hand and then so did she, and for a moment they were both just staring at her hand.

Finally, he spoke up again, “I- I don’t do handshakes,” he spit out. “The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It’s, uh- it’s actually safer to kiss.” 

Lexie nodded her head once more and let her hand fall back to her side. She ran her palm down the side of her thigh, subtly trying to wipe the gathering sweat. A part of her was tempted to ask if he wanted to kiss her, but she held off. For now.

“So, are you a germaphobe, or something? Or do you just know a lot of different facts?”

“Both, actually,” he said. “I, uh, I have an eidetic memory, so I remember everything I read. A lot about bacteria.”

“An eidetic memory?” Lexie echoed. “Really?”

Spencer nodded, a smirk worming its way onto his lips as he began to rock himself on his heels. “And an IQ of 187 and I can read 20,000 words per minute.”

“Oh, so you’re some sort of super genius, is that what this is?”

Spencer shrugged and his smile seemed to grow. “I don’t think intelligence can be defined by arbitrary measures. But for all intents and purposes, I am a genius.”

“You know, that’s really weird, because I actually have a photographic memory,” Lexie said. She tilted her head to the side again. “Does that make me a genius, too?”

Spencer chuckled. “Well, being a doctor isn’t an easy thing to achieve. Especially being a surgeon. I would imagine you have to be fairly smart to become one.”

Lexie’s own smile seemed to grow as well. “Well, Dr. PhD, why don’t you tell me a little bit more about yourself?” She nodded her head in the direction she came from before she started to walk. And Spencer found himself following behind her.

For some reason, Spencer felt like he wasn’t going to regret spilling coffee on her.

for @gghostwriter bc i don't have a taglist <3

(if you would like to be crcb taglist, let me know!!)