#and then a few sentences later he has breakdowns over being a '''bad''' person

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

Hey you! Fandom writer! Just wanted to make sure that when you masturbatorily victimize your favourite character you don't do it at the expense of the rest of the cast's characterization! Because thats a fucking annoying thing to do and it just shows everyone that you wouldn't recognize nuance if i hit you over the head with it!!

[charmwasjess]

25 for Sifo, please 😁

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Oh Ingata, you've unknowingly asked me to present my thesis on my favorite topic and I love you for it. (Okay, this could have been a two sentence answer, but it's me.) So I wrote you an essay on Sifo-Dyas, but I'm putting it below a cut to save everyone from my rambles on Sifo in the old EU and the greater meaning of his doom-ass storyline.

Apparently, I once casually mused to readalong back in the day (exactly how long ago? No need to worry about that!) that Sifo-Dyas must have been a pretty nice guy, what with him putting up with Dooku all those years. Oh sweet summer child. If only I knew then how long I would spend thinking about this idiot and their dynamic.

Back then, he was on my mind simply because of Dooku. In Luceno’s Labyrinth of Evil, Yoda takes some time to describe in length Dooku and Sifo-Dyas’s close friendship, “bound by the unifying Force,” and speculates what Sifo-Dyas knew about the lead-up to Dooku’s fall. That he was desperately worried about Dooku, that he thought Qui-Gon’s death was a breaking point for him, that Dooku might have been actively hunting down his killer's Master to fuck shit up, and this was about to be A Big Problem for Everyone. 

All of this was very interesting, especially back then, when Dooku was not a popular character and depictions of him having meaningful, positive connections in the Jedi Order were few and far between. I want to be careful here, because I’m not calling the EU/Legends bad - Dark Rendezvous has some of the most beautiful Dooku character work I’ve ever read. But compare, say, Jude Watson’s Qui-Gon in Legends Legacy of the Jedi outright calling Dooku “too cold to love,” as a Master, versus examples from new canon, where Dooku repeatedly and effusively praises his Padawans, casts their relationship as mutually loving, and even offers to get drunk and cry it out over Rael’s dead Padawan. Those present really different pictures. So Sifo-Dyas stood out to me right off the bat as unusual for being close with Dooku: a meaningful connection for a character who, at that point, didn't have meaningful connections. 

As for my impressions now, I think I have a soft spot in general for characters who seem to exist simply to die in a tragic, unescapable way, sacrificed to the narrative or for other character’s growth. In a way, Sifo-Dyas’s story is still certainly both of those.

But he’s so much more. He walks into Dooku: Jedi Lost as this vivid, funny, weird, fearless, chaotic good goofball of a character. Sith Dooku is breathlessly, affectionately describing him to Asajj Ventress (of all people) within the first few seconds of his own life story. That's crazy?! "I was born, I went to the Temple, oh, I MET THIS INCREDIBLE PERSON." Sifo-Dyas's first scene in the damn book is to make a silly little song about Dooku’s name and then telling him to "tell it to your face"?! And we’re not supposed to love him?!

I could go on. But here’s the heart of it for me with the character. The penultimate scene in Dooku: Jedi Lost, comes when he and Dooku are estranged, having been for years over what seems implied as a breakdown over an escalating series of visions that cast Dooku at the center of a world-shattering conflict. Yet, when Dooku comes to Sifo-Dyas for help, one last desperate get-the-gang-back-together, he won’t deny him. When Dooku suggests what Sifo-Dyas literally describes as “insane, the worst plan I’ve ever heard” (I’m quoting directly here), his answer is, again, directly quoting: “I’m in.” He never stopped saying that to Dooku. For all their ultimate ruin, it's sort of beautiful.

That’s the impression that stands out the most strongly - not tragic doom or narrative foil - but the aspects of bravery and loyalty to the character. Someone who would have spent his whole life having visions about someone ending the world, and still show up for that person, and later, still come to them with their own problems. It seems very, very likely - he outright says it during a vision in the cursed book – that he knows Dooku is the person who will make all the futures converge into the one terrible timeline. But EVEN THEN, Sifo-Dyas would rather bring hundreds of thousands of lives into existence than take out Dooku. And whether you read that as friendship or something more, at the end of the day, it’s love.

[prowerprojects]

Something has to bring all the counterparts together, it's either Nine or some big space anomaly. (Still holding onto the sacrifice idea until we get the trailer later for proper speculation.)

There's such a big insistent that they're just as alive as the originals brings up how concerning the finale is going to go; cause I don't think some are going to swallow the idea of the verses being gone so easily unless there's proper reasoning for it. (That, and if the counterparts can live on in some manner.)

There's most certainly going to a huge emotional breakdown on Nine's part, I can feel it. (I wonder if part of it is that he's having a hard time processing a life that wasn't either hectic or in solitude. Him making those palm trees and coconuts has to mean something, I doubt those crossed his mind before Sonic showed up. And in his own lab at that, his own private space. Also Sonic mentioning to expect many adventures after the whole thing is over. {And will Nine ever experience a chili-dog? Questions, questions.})

Heh, it would be pretty funny if Mangey's first [and likely only] coherent sentence is the thing that strikes a deep chord in Nine. The fact that he saw both at all will probably be in his mind when working on the Grim. (Hmm, I have seen a few think Sails might be a representation of Tails' loyalty, and such, might have abandonment issues [like the rest of the pirate crew]. The fact that Sonic came back, but Dread jumped ship could probably cause some reflection.) In any case, not getting an episode with all 3 together when one's leaning into main antagonist territory would be a massive waste on the storytelling.

Haha, we'll see (idk if I've already said it, I personally don't believe in sacrifice because I still see the Shatterspace people as parts of the og, so how are we meant to "glue" them back together if a part gets destroyed?)

Hey, they don't say alive, they say "real". Which could mean the same, of course, but to me brings on a different connotation of what they're trying to portray there.

Idk about a "huge" breakdown, I mean, he'll probably cry, but idk how dramatic they'd want to make it (genuinely). It's still a show for little kids so they'll probably won't go for anything really complicated. (I lowkey forgot how childish the humor is before I watched s1b)

(I think the coconuts and the palm trees would most likely be used more for Sonic's character development... we'll see though. I think he'll see them in Nine's lab amd have a reaction of some sorts)

Mangeeey! I think Nine seeing his counterparts helped him to better understand how the Shatterverse works... he seemed confused when he saw Sails but downright scared when he saw Mangey... Idk what conclusions he came to though.

It could be loyalty, though out of all 3 Tailses Sails is the one with the least unique/obvious personality traits. I was mostly thinking how the things Sails and Mangey went through could relate to Nine's situation, it's easy with Mangey, but what could Sails offer, you know? If anything It'll be like with the Roses, "Fuck Dread and Fuck the Council Sonic", I don't think Sails could actually be of help here. (Unless it amounts to "hey at least Sonic isn't as bad as Dread, you should forgive him". Which I don't like because I don't think Nine is obligated to forgive Sonic. I wouldn't mind if he decides to forgive him anyway in the end, but no one should guilt him into it. I actually think it would be cooler if he didn't, because it would show Sonic that his actions have consequences and he can't placate Nine with a "sorry" the way he does Tails. (Even better if Nine also apologizes but still doesn't want to try to be friends with Sonic again))

Yep, agreed, I need a Tails³ episode, because Nine is so prominent but the other two barely have had any development it feels almost weird?

[hypo-critic-al]

I’ve asked a few people, I’ve read various posts. And it seems like nobody has fully answered this.

You see, Edward Hyde from the book is just Jekyll. It’s Henry in a different body, he is in control, he knows what he is doing and he knows that what he is doing is bad. He starts panicking only when he starts to see that he is in danger of being accused of murder and when he is running out of the chemical.

Various adaptations make Hyde a different person in Jekyll’s body. They explain Hyde with DID, bipolar disorder, show Henry as a victim of Edward, as someone who has no control over him, over his actions, Hyde is just personified Jekyll’s repressed feelings etc.

However, I have never found out:

What exactly is Hyde from Jekyll & Hyde musical?

Lyrics are pointing out to both of Hyde’s explanations.

In "Streak of Madness" Henry is telling that he is delighted by his new body, abilities, he feels happiness by doing wrong. However, I don’t believe that he would knowingly murder Lucy, threaten Gabriel and Lisa (Emma) and do whatever else he did.

You see, a thing pointing towards the "Jekyll is not Hyde" theory is what Jekyll says after he transforms from Hyde in front of Utterson. I am always thinking about “It is Hyde, HE... I cannot say "I"” sentence. As if Jekyll could not only not control the transformations but Edward as well.

Different thing that confirms this is Hyde murdering Lucy. “Your friend (Jekyll) has hurt me very deeply.” As if Hyde was implying that Henry is a different person who, by trying to stop and delay the transformations, hates and hurts him. And I find it difficult to believe that Henry would willingly and cold-bloodedly kill Lucy just because he can and just to have a breakdown about it afterwards while fearing about his fianceé.

And the last transformation, at the wedding. Why would Jekyll kill Simeon and put Lisa in danger? It doesn’t make sense to me...

Even though Henry stated that he takes pleasure in Hyde’s actions, I find it hard to believe that this adaptation uses Jekyll=Hyde explanation from the book. And we can’t use Jekyll=/=Hyde version either for what has Henry himself said.

Do you understand what I mean? Am I looking too deeply into this? Am I overlooking something? Does Edward separate from Henry throughout the play? Is he a different personality from the beginning? Or is it simply just Henry who is doing all the murders, he just later feels regret?

I ask you to state your opinion, correct me, enlighten me on this topic. Is it up to everyone’s interpretation? Am I forgetting something? Or it can’t be easily explained? Or explained at all? What do you think?

[seungmoroll]

Distress | Kim Seungmin

Word count: 3.8k

Genre: angst, fluff, halloween au

Warnings: mentions of emotional abuse

Requested: yes

A/N: happy halloween everyone! here’s a little halloween au! and to @cookieschu​ who had kindly requested this, I hope you enjoy it!

“Seung-“your sentence gets cut off before you can finish it.

“I told you Y/n. I told you time after time and you still ignored me.” Seungmin had gotten up from his spot next to you on the couch, hands on his waist as annoyance grows on his face.

“C’mon Seung, you can’t be that mad about this.” You and Seungmin were in the middle of a cuddle session, when you received a message on your phone, and he happened to see what it said. Which is why you’re having this, what you deemed as unnecessary, conversation for the nth time.

“Yes, I can Y/n!” You try to ignore the pain you feel as Seungmin raises his voice at you. You hated the fact that he called you by your name, and not sweetheart like he usually did. From your position on the couch, you silently take in the sight of Seungmin angrily running his fingers through his hair.

“How many times do I have to tell you, he’s a good person.” The person that was the topic of your conversation was your ex. Your relationship didn’t end in good terms, and Seungmin was there for you to pick up the pieces, but you couldn’t hate your ex. Your ex had problems dealing with his mental health, which is why you two broke up in the first place. So sometimes he’d call you in the middle of a breakdown, and you would go to him to check up on him.

“No, he’s not Y/n. He’s using you because he knows you’ll come running the second he calls.” Slightly rolling your eyes, you can’t but find his exaggeration ridiculous.

“He needs me Seungmin,” you try to explain to him. He scoffs at your statement.

“What he needs is attention, and that’s what you’re giving him.” You were growing slightly annoyed with the tone Seungmin was talking in. There was no need for him to sound harsh with you.

“So that’s it? I can’t see him anymore? What if he’s hurt?” That was the reason why you always went to him. You couldn’t live with yourself if something bad happened to him when he had called you for help.

“Yes, Y/n! You know I love you because of how caring you are, but this is too much. Don’t you see how much this is affecting me and you and our relationship?”

“I just don’t see why this bothers you so much.” You knew exactly why it bothered him. Seungmin hated your ex. Hated the way he treated you and hated the way you cried tears for him.

“Because it feels like you’re putting him before me, and don’t you see that you’re becoming so stressed out because of him?” You didn’t know that that was how Seungmin had felt, but you had to stand your ground.

“But I can’t just leave him to be alone like that when he needs someone.” At this point, you too had started raising your voice. The last thing you wanted to do was cause for Seungmin to become even more angered, but your emotions were starting to come out.

“Then find someone to help him. He needs professional help, Y/n. I know you want to help fix him, but you can’t.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You don’t know him like I do.” Once you had finished your sentence, you knew you had made a big mistake.

“Oh? I don’t know him? Are we talking about the same guy that had you crying on my shoulder every other week when you guys were still dating? The same guy that emotionally abused you?” The fact that Seungmin had the audacity to even bring up such topics had you shocked. You didn’t like being reminded of your painful past, and you knew that Seungmin knew that.

“Don’t bring that up.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Seungmin starts making his way to the front door, “You know what? I really can’t deal with this right now.” Getting up from your position on the couch, you quickly move your body in attempt to stop Seungmin from leaving. You didn’t want to go to bed that night knowing that you two were in the middle of an argument.

“You can’t leave Seungmin.”

Pushing past you, he says, “Watch me.”

It’s been a few days since you’ve last spoke to Seungmin and it’s killing you. He refuses to answer any of your calls and texts. You were so desperate to talk to him that you even sent him an email, but of course you got no response. He doesn’t even bother to address you in the group chat that you have with the other boys, speaking of which, the only person who knows about your fight with Seungmin is Hyunjin, and he said that this whole thing was going to blow over in a day because, “Seungmin always comes running back to you.” Well, Hyunjin was obviously wrong. It’s really unfortunate too because tomorrow night you and the boys were going to this haunted house, and you and Seungmin were going to dress up as Cosmo and Wanda from the Fairy Oddparents, well at least that’s what you agreed on a week ago. However, now you’re not too sure.

Later on that night, you texted Seungmin again, asking if the two of you were still doing a couples costume, and of course you get no response. Tossing your phone aside, you get ready to go to sleep, hoping that you’ll hear something from Seungmin soon.

The next morning when you check your phone, you see the group chat blowing up your phone, talking about how they’re excited for tonight, however, there was still no response from Seungmin. Huffing, you decided to not let this ruin your mood for the day and went off happily to enjoy your day before getting to hang out with your favorite boys.

Getting your costume put together didn’t take too long for you. The only problem was the pink hair, but you managed to figure that out with a pink wig. Once you were done checking your complete outfit in the mirror, you heard your doorbell ring. Checking your phone, you saw that a minute ago the boys said they were 5 minutes away from your house; confused, you went to go see who it was. After checking through the peephole, you unlock the door to see Seungmin, green hair and fairy wings, in front of you. Quietly you let him in. The two of you awkwardly stand by the doorway as you wait for Chan and the others to arrive. You had forgotten that they were supposed to pick you and Seungmin up at your house, so this moment is a bit awkward due to circumstances.

Clearing your throat, “You look good by the way.” Instead of actually responding to you, he gives you a tight-lipped smile and nod, leaving the two of you in silence yet again. Luckily for the both of you, you get a message saying that the others are there. When you reach the cars, the boys teasingly ooh at you guys.

“Aw look at the cute couple,” Changbin says sticking his head out the car window with a smirk, and in return receives a light punch on the arm from Seungmin.

“Have you guys taken a picture together yet?” Hyunjin asks. You shake your head no, and then swiftly Hyunjin ushers the two of you to stand close to each other. You and Seungmin awkwardly stand next to each as Hyunjin takes your pictures, “C’mon guys, you don’t look very coupley.” Sending a short glare towards Minho, you hook your arm around Seungmin’s and lean closer to him. You can feel Seungmin hesitate before he leans closer to you.

“Kiss! Kiss!” Oh how you wanted to hit Jisung right now. Slowly looking up, you can see the annoyance in Seungmin’s eyes, but they soften as you plant your lips on his cheek. You hold the position for who knows how long before Jeongin comes running out of the car, “Don’t forget about me!” That’s right, did you forget to mention that Jeongin was your Timmy Turner. Everyone laughs as Jeongin comes barging into the pictures. The group ends up taking a group photo with the camera propped on top of the car, and eventually you guys make your way to the haunted house.

The group was split into two cars, Chan driving one with you, Seungmin, Jeongin, and Hyunjin while the rest were in Minho’s car. The ride to the house was nice, even if you and Seungmin didn’t talk. Though you’re sure Chan knows something is wrong because when you guys make eye contact through the review mirror, he gives you a questioning look, which you choose to ignore.

When you guys arrive at the haunted house, there’s already a line outside, but thankfully it’s not long. Once you’ve lined up, you hear the worker yell out that the maximum they allow inside at a time is four, which causes for you guys to groan. “Great now we got to split up.”

“I wanna go with Jeonginnie,” Hyunjin says as he clings onto Jeongin, who tries to escape from him. You see a smirk form on Minho’s face, meaning that he’s up to no good, “I’ll go with those two brats.

“There’s no way I’m going with Jisung, so I’m going with them.”

“I didn’t want to go with you anyways. I wanted to go with Chan hyung and Felix.” Jisung sticks his tongue out towards Changbin, while Changbin rolls his eyes at his antics.

Clapping his hands together, “Welp, I guess that settles it. I guess I’m going with Felix and Jisung.” Which only meant that you would be going with Seungmin.

Not wanting to argue and seem suspicious, you reluctantly agree to go into the haunted house with Seungmin. Once you guys reach the front of the line, you watch as the first group, Changbin, Jeongin, Minho and Hyunjin, walk into the haunted house, shutting out the conversation the others were having. After you can no longer see their silhouettes, the grass underneath your feet become interesting, but you feel the silent presence of Seungmin, right next to you, and then all of a sudden, a high-pitched scream causes for you to shift your attention towards the house.

“Alright, next group, you’re up.” The worker calls out to you guys. Cheers of excitement escapes from Jisung and Felix as they walk up to the doorway, with Chan following behind them, leaving you behind in silence with Seungmin. Taking more interest in your phone, you go through snapchat and see that Minho has posted on his story. Clicking on it, a video of Minho scaring Hyunjin and making him collapse plays on your screen. A light chuckle sounds from beside you, and taking a peek, you see Seungmin quickly tear his gaze away. Not bothering to say anything, you put your phone away as the worker approaches the two of you.

“You guys ready?

You hear Seungmin mumble, “Yeah, ready to get this over with,” as he proceeds to the doorway on his own as you roll your eyes at his remark.

Upon entering the house, you are surrounded by darkness, with only a sliver of light in front of you. You try to stay close to Seungmin without being too close. The theme of this haunted house was a prison filled with murderers and serial killers, so as you and Seungmin walked down a hallway, you are met with the sight of prison cells, some were occupied, while others seemed empty. Once you were about to pass what you thought was a dark and empty cell, a body rushed out, arms reaching out in attempt to grab you, which makes you jump, slightly bumping into Seungmin. Instead of saying anything, he makes sure you’re steady on your feet, and then continues the trek down the hall as you mumble a low thank you. You do your best to ignore the names and insults the “criminals” throw at you while the two of you pass by and try to put on a brave front as the shaking of the cell bars louden along with their voices. 

Once the two of you make your way out of that area, you reach another hallway, and at the end of the hallway is bright room. Curious the two of you enter, and you finally realized with the room you had just entered was: the execution room. On the other side of the glass panel that was in front of you was a man strapped down to the execution table. He seemed to be unconscious, that is until another man walks into the room, then he started to aggressively shake and rattle his restraints. The new man sits down in the chair next to the other man and makes quick eye contact with you, giving you what you would call the creepiest smile ever. Then suddenly he smashes a button which cause for the restrained man to start seizing; he was getting electrocuted. Once the man was deemed “dead”, the executor left the room, turning off the light, but what happened next had you screaming. The light to the room flickered back on, but there was no longer a body on the table. The lights had flickered off as you had tried to take a closer look into the room, and once the light flickered on again, the man who was supposed to be dead was now in front of you. This caused for both you and Seungmin to jump back, and your scream finally escaped.

You and Seungmin had quickly exited the room, with you clutching onto your chest. ‘I need to get out of here,’ you thought to yourself. Taking a peek at Seungmin, you had checked to see of there was any sense of fright on his face. Unlike you, he seemed calm, maybe a little bit pissed off, “C’mon let’s get out of here.”

The pair of you were finally in the last part of the haunted house when you suddenly felt a hand grab onto your ankle, and the next thing you knew you were on the ground, screaming for your life. You’re too scared and busy screaming that you don’t even feel a pair of arms wrap around you. You can barely hear the reassuring voice telling you, “Sweetheart, you’re okay. It’s okay, I’m right here,” through your loud screams. When your screams finally subdue, another presence comes up running from behind you, scaring you even more, which forces Seungmin to shift you away from the person. You barely register Seungmin letting you go as he pushes away the worker, “Dude, back off.” The worker leaves as Seungmin returns to you, placing an arm around your waist, “Let’s go Y/n. It’s going to be okay, I’m here.” Shakily, you manage to get back on your feet and you instantly clutch onto Seungmin, hiding your face in his chest while he guides the two of you out.

“Yo, did you guys hear that lou scre-“Jisung cuts off his question when he sees your quivering figure in Seungmin’s arm as the two of you exit the house. You can’t see it, but a look of concern is present on all of their faces.

Seungmin gives the seven boys a look before focusing his attention back to you. “Sweetheart? Look, we’re out of the house, it’s okay now.” You don’t bother to look up, and snuggle even more into his chest, loving the feeling of his hand that’s petting your head. As you focus on Seungmin’s heartbeat, you hear him explain to the boys what happened inside the house.

“Oh crap, they did that? That’s kind of messed up. Are you okay Y/n?” Instead of responding to Chan’s question, you give Seungmin’s waist a squeeze. Taking the action as a signal to speak for you, Seungmin says, “I think they’ll be fine. They just need to get away from here.”

“Yeah for sure. Do you guys want me to take you back home?” You felt bad for ruining the rest of the plans that you had with the boys, but all you wanted to do right now was be back home in the comfort of Seungmin’s embrace. Nodding your head against Seungmin’s chest, you hear Chan say, “Alright, let’s get going.”

For the entire ride back to your house, you refused to let go of Seungmin’s hand. Both you and Seungmin didn’t speak to anyone in the car, instead, you two were in your own bubble with you focusing on his thumb that gently rubbed your hand, while he rested his head on top of yours.

Later on that night, after you and Seungmin were dropped off at your house, Seungmin made you take off your costume and ran you a bath. Sitting there in the bathtub, you did your best to not think of the earlier events, but instead you thought of the wonderful feeling you felt when you were finally back in Seungmin’s arms. Once you had finished your bath and dressed in your pajamas, you followed the sound that came from your kitchen. Upon your arrival, you had sat at the kitchen island, watching the back of Seungmin’s figure as he made a cup of tea for the two of you. Zero words have been exchanged between the two of you ever since you guys left the haunted house, and honestly, all you wanted was to lay in bed, snuggled up with Seungmin by your side, but the both of you knew that you had to sort things out before you could proceed with the night. 

Once the cup of teas was ready, Seungmin turned around and set your mug in front of you, silently motioning for you to take a sip. Warmth fills you from the inside as you take a sip from your mug, and you can’t help, but feel Seungmin’s stare on you as you enjoy your drink. Setting the mug back into the kitchen island, you make eye contact with Seungmin. As you break the eye contact, Seungmin says, “We should talk.”

    Nodding in agreement, you sit and wait for Seungmin to start. “I’m sorry that I’ve been the worst boyfriend in the world. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that. It’s just that I hate seeing you tire and stress yourself over this guy when he doesn’t deserve the kindness you give him, but I know that you just want him to get better, and I can’t hate you for being you. For being someone that wants everyone to be happy.”

Getting up from your seated position, you walk over to stand in front of Seungmin. Gently placing both of your hands on his face, you force him to look you in the eyes as you say to him, “You are not the worst boyfriend in the world, if anything I’m the worst partner in the world, and I should be the one apologizing, not you. I’m sorry that I’ve made you so stressed out, and I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I-“Closing your eyes, it takes you a moment to process your thoughts, and as you do so, Seungmin tenderly places a hand on top of yours. Letting you know that you can take your time.

“I know that he’s hurt me so many times and I know that it broke you to see me broken like that, and you have all the right to hate him as much as you do, but I can’t help but want to fix him. Because maybe then…maybe then he won’t be the person that hurt me anymore.” You believe that the guy that you loved was in him somewhere, but he’s been consumed by a monster that only ever hurt you, and you just want the old him back. However, over the span of days where you received silence from Seungmin, you’ve been thinking, and you know Seungmin is right. You can’t fix your ex. He doesn’t need you; he just needs to know that you’ll be at his beck and call, and that’s not fair to Seungmin. It’s not fair to the relationship that Seungmin tried so hard for, and that’s why last night you texted your ex; telling him to never contact you anymore and that if he comes looking for you, you’ll have people there to protect you. Then you finally hit the ‘block’ button, cutting the final thread to your suffering.

Finally opening your eyes again, you are met with the sight of Seungmin’s beautiful eyes, filled with so much love that makes you want to give him the world. “I cut off all ties with him.” Pulling you into a warm embrace, you take a deep breath and let the scent of Seungmin fill up your nose. Even if you’re standing in the middle of your kitchen at home, you will always call your place in his arms home.

“I’m so proud of you,” Seungmin mumbles into the top of your head. Suddenly a thought pops into your mind, causing for you to separate from Seungmin and hit him in the chest.

Rubbing the pain away, “Ow! What was that for?”

Crossing your arms and huffing, turning your face away from him, “That’s for depriving me of Seungmin cuddles for almost a week.”

Chuckling at your behavior, he opens his arms up, “Well then come here so I can give you all the Seungmin cuddles in the world.”

“No.”

Your response causes for Seungmin to stop processing for a second, before you add, “Not until we put on Scary Godmother and we’ve gotten a big bowl of popcorn.”

Smiling, “Fine, you get the popcorn and I’ll get the movie started.” His response causes for you to rush to get the popcorn started, and by the time its done, and you make your way to the living room, Seungmin is already sitting on the couch, waiting for you to fill the empty space in his arms. Happiness spreads from within you as you settle down in his arms.

Not 30 minutes into the movie, Seungmin looks down at you, only to see your sleeping figure. All that he can think to himself is that he’s the luckiest person in the world.

A/N: I wasn’t planning on it, but should I write a prequel to this? let me know what you guys think. 

[ateezmakemeweep]

four in the morning.

yunho x reader; strangers to lovers

word count: 11k

angst, fluff, smut

10:05 p.m.

you never wanted a public proposal. you had told your boyfriend every time you saw someone get down on one knee in times square on new year's eve or in front of cinderella's castle at disney world that you would absolutely die if he did that to you.

and maybe it speaks to your naivety, to your complete disregard of just how shitty he's treated you over these past five years, that you thought that would ever be a problem in your relationship. because he's the guy who ditches you for his friends and religiously forgets date night, who falls asleep right after extremely unsatisfying sex that has you faking orgasms, who doesn't answer your texts all day but freely like posts on instagram.

and evidently, he's also the guy who breaks up with his girlfriend in the middle of dinner.

because one second the waitress is putting down the dessert, a tiramisu cheesecake you were drooling just thinking about all night, and then the next, before she's even out of ears reach, he blurts out, "we should break up."

you don't even say anything at first, just stare blankly and shake your head because he didn't just that. he wouldn't say that. not today on this day and not right now in this setting.

"wh-what?"

but he doesn't miss a beat.

"i've been thinking about it for a while, y/n," he says to you, leaning on his hand like this whole conversation is about to be a bore. "i just...we've been together for so long and i'm really kind of...sick of it."

"you're... you're sick of it?" you squeak.

"well yeah, i mean it's been four years and i don't wanna lie and say i feel like i'm still in love with y-"

"five."

"what?" he asks, looking at you in pure and utter confusion and you don't know if you feel more heartbroken or angry at this very moment.

"five. we've been together for five years," you tell him, voice too calm and composed for how you're feeling inside. "in fact, today marks our fifth year together. but you didn't remember that, did you?"

you think you would've felt better if he showed some sort of regretful or guilty reaction, his mouth dropping open or face lighting up like the date sent off alarm bells in that stupid little head of his. but nothing. just a thoughtful nod, like you told him the food was good or you needed another drink.

"oh," he says with a small shrug, "well five years then, even longer than i thought. see, y/n, i'm just over it. i'm over this relationship and i'm over being someone's boyfriend."

"hm....hm," is all you hum because you refuse to make a warner and elle woods type of scene in this restaurant right now. but your burning throat and shaking hands want so badly to do something. to scream and curse at him or throw that cake right in his face or maybe even slap him for being so cold and harsh and detached.

"are you mad?"

a laugh bubbles out of your mouth now and anyone around can probably hear how unhinged it sounds, like you're a second away from having some sort of breakdown or bursting into tears and screaming.

"am i mad?" you ask, a cold edge finally seeping into your tone. "am i mad my boyfriend just broke up with me, in public, at our anniversary dinner? are you seriously fucking asking me that?" you grunt out the words through clenched teeth, lowering your voice when you let the profanity slip out.

"well...yeah," he says dopily, "i still care about you as a person. i just- don't wanna be in a relationship anymore. i kind of figured i was making it obvious these past few weeks."

"then why wouldn't you have just told me the second you had these thoughts!" you spit and now the volume of your voice is considerably louder. "why make me wait and then do it at this very moment!"

"i-i don't know, i didn't really know how or when was a good time to tell you."

"oh, well thank god you waited, this was truly ideal," you growl sarcastically.

and then, like he has any right to be offended or upset, he lets out a scoff. "look, i'm sorry but this is what i want....i'll still pay for dinner if that's what you're-"

"you think i give a single fuck if you pay for dinner!"

you finally break whatever composure you were channeling, voice breaking and raising and causing the several groups of people to look in your direction. some of them are subtle with their side-eyes and whispers while others are full on staring, mouths agape with looks of pity and you wouldn't be surprised if you find a video of this on the internet later.

"what is your problem," he says, "i said i'm sorry but you really can't be that-"

"leave," you tell him, quietly now, with your head down and eyes on the table. "i'll take care of it. just please...get away from me."

there's a few beats of silence before he mumbles something along the lines of "whatever," deeply sighing like this is actually causing him any distress, like he's the one who has to stay here with lingering gazes and pitiful stares. you think he might take a breath to say something else but then ultimately decides against it, the squeaking of a chair and heavy foot steps walking away indicating you're finally alone.

and it's during that time your tears start falling, your head hung and hand cupping your forehead so the people around you don't get more of a show.

maybe a part of you knew deep down that the relationship was gonna be over, that it really should've been for your sake and you were just too scared to accept it. but it was just the manner in which he did it, so coldly and out of nowhere, like the past five years didn't mean anything to him. and you can't deny the sickening parallel to years of you telling him you didn't want him to fucking propose to you in public and then going and dumping you at one of your favorite resturants.

"i'm so stupid, oh my, god, i'm so fucking stupid," you mumble out, voice wobbly and wet before you feel the presence of the waitress at your side. you peak up at her as she bends down holding out a packet of tissues, a sympathetic look on her face that has you realizing she probably watched the whole thing go down.

"you're not stupid, baby, don't say that," she says, placing her hand on your arm comfortingly.

you thank her quietly for the tissues, taking one out and dapping at your wet face. "i'm sorry, this is so embarrassing," you squeak out, "i'm gonna pay the bill don't worry, i just...i needed him to leave."

"no, i'm so sorry that just happened. i can't believe he thought that was okay."

you sniffle as you scrunch up the tissue. "i-i know," you say, "i mean i knew he was an asshole but he really just...our anniversary dinner! and during dessert! i was so excited for this cake."

she laughs softly at your sad whine, placing down the tissue packet and moving the plate closer to you. "well, you can still be excited. don't you dare let him ruin this tiramisu." you're pleastantly surprised when a small chuckle leaves your mouth, wiping at your face with your wrist.

"you're right, he can't taint it," you say before catching the side glances of people surrounding you, "but i think i have to get out of here before i cause any more of a disturbance."

she nods her head sympathetically, urging you to take a few bites and that she'll bring the check right over.

you keep your head down as embarrassed tears threaten to fall again, the feeling like a milllion eyes are on you making you feel even more awkward and unsettled; you're sure it's just paranoia but you swear you can feel eyes boring into the side of your face, someone probably laughing and mocking and feeling so incredibly sorry for your pitiful situation.

sorry enough that when the waitress comes back, she tells you someone has already paid for your bill. your eyes widen upon hearing the news, looking around curiously and stuttering out incoherent bits of sentences.

"who?" is the only clear thing you're able to ask.

"i don't know, he just left," she tells you, "brown-haired guy. very tall. cute, too." you feel her hand on the back of your chair when you stand up. "and i'm sorry again, honey. i didn't charge you for the cake but i hope to see you in here again enjoying it," she adds on quietly.

you give her a grateful smile and nod, assuring her you'll definitely be back before rushing out to catch up with the mysterious man who just dropped well over $100 on two complete strangers. and luckily, you don't have to look very far. because there he is, all dark hair and broad shoulders, leant against the side of the building with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth.

he sees your teary-gaze meet his and his lips quirk up ever so slightly before he flicks the ashes and begins to turn around. but your low "hey!" stops him in his tracks. he cranes his neck back to look at you, the sky dark around you both but the light from the streetpoles clearly showing both of your expressions.

his is unnervingly blank, only a flicker of soft sympathy in his eye while your own, still heartbroken, also holds a curious, maybe even a wary look. because why would this stranger do that? could he have felt that bad?

you make your way up to him, feeling slightly intimidated when he fully turns around and you see just how much he towers over you. but it's funny because his face is shockingly...sweet looking, like a fresh-faced boy you'd see in church or volunteering at a nursing home.

but then his large stature, the shoulders you can't stop eyeing, his all black attire mixed with the scent of cigarette smoke and cologne makes for a very strange contrast. even his voice, when he finally mumbles back a "hi," is sweet sounding.

"why did you...the waitress said you paid my bill." your tone is quiet and small but still manages to sound accusatory.

"i did, i'm sorry," he says and you're wondering if the pink flush on his cheeks is from the cold. "i hope you didn't mind." you find yourself staring at him blankly, eyebrows pinched together because...did he really just apologize for that?

"i...well no but..i..it was probably expensive," you eventually get out, "you didn't have to do that."

"well, neither did he," yunho mumbles and you can tell by the airiness in his tone he didn't mean anything bad by it. but it doesn't stop your face from dropping slightly, lips pressing into a firm line to distract yourself from your stinging eyes.

"i'm sorry, that was insensitive," he winces, the sincerity in his tone only confirming your thoughts. "but i just... i wanted to pay for it. why should you have?"

you swallow the lump in your throat, shrugging your shoulders lightly because you don't really know what to say back to that.

"because i'm the one who got dumped," you squeak out before a humorless laugh bubbles out of you. "dumped on our anniversary. how pathetic is that?"

"it's pathetic of him," the boy grunts out and you cock your head to the side at how mad he sounds.

"i-i guess..." you say after a few quiet seconds before words start pouring out of you. "i just.. can't believe it. i don't know what i'm gonna do now. i've been with him for so long and got so used to him and then he really went and-" your voice breaking cuts off your sentence, like it's finally hitting you that the relationship is over.

because no matter how bad it was, it was still something you put years of yourself into. years of effort and years of memories and you feel so stupid for feeling this upset when there's far more bad than good.

"i'm sorry, you definitely don't wanna hear this," you laugh out humorlessly as tears sting your eyes. "but...i just wanted to thank you for paying the bill. i wish i could make it up to you somehow, it was probably expensive."

you meet his gaze to see him smiling slightly at you, even though you're on the verge of a breakdown and talking far too much.

"you're welcome," he says before hesitantly continuing. "i was gonna go walk around for a bit. do you wanna join?"

when you look up at him with a wary expression, he puts his hands up in defense, eyes soft and wide as he shakes his head. "it might clear your head a little, that's all."

your fragile heart warms at the gesture but you find yourself declining, insisting you're not the best company right now and that'd he probably regret inviting you.

"i don't think so," he says and his voice is just so kind that you're questioning if he's even real, questioning why on earth this stranger seems to care about your wellbeing. and when he sees you're still teetering, teeth sunk into your lip as you look at him with conflict in your eyes, a sweet smile spreads across his face.

"c'mon, you said you wanted to make it up to me."

your lips purse to the side, eyebrow raised ever so slightly before letting out a quiet sigh. "okay... but don't say i didn't warn you."

his smile widens as his long arms come out to showcase the sidewalk in front of him and you find yourself giggling slightly at his dramatics. you take one last look back at the restaurant before exhaling sharply and feeling his looming presence next to you as you both begin to walk.

"so....were you there with friends tonight?" you chirp, hoping to distract your impending nervousness with conversation.

he tells you he had met his mom there for dinner, who brought along his new step-father he can't help but detest. but he sat politely all throughout the appetizer and main course until one too many ignorant and snappy comments had him putting the man in his place.

"he was also mean to the waitress which is why i eventually snapped," he tells you. and by snapped, he means lowly speaking for him to either find some manners or piss off. "my mom asked for the check so fast and they left within five minutes. so i stayed for a drink."

"i could so use a drink right now," you laugh out, "but it sounds like you were in the right. you're just all types of chivarlous, huh?"

you peak up at him to see a smirk cross his face, his eyes falling to you at the same time and pink covers both your cheeks at being caught. but you and him will pretend it's because of the harsh winds whipping through the city; yes, the whipping wind, definitely not the soft curious gazes and arms bumping into each other clumsily.

"what made that obvious?"

you shake your head as another giggle falls from your lips, tightening the sweater around your body when a particularly harsh breeze pelts into you again. and of course, the boy next to you immediately notices, hears the clattering of your teeth and sharp intake of breath.

"you cold?"

"no, i'm okay," you squeak out. but you already see his movements from the corner of your eye taking off the black bomber jacket.

"please don't give me your coat, i can not-"

but it's already placed around your shoulders before you can finish your sentence, a knowing smirk on his lips when you huff at him, exasperated.

"....i was gonna say your name but it appears i don't even know it."

his deep chuckle rings through the air, stopping his feet so he can properly put his hand out.

"i'm yunho."

"y/n," you say back, taking his large hand in yours and what an innapropriate time for you to admire its sheer size and the length of his fingers. "you're... nice, too nice."

his smile widens looking down at you, hands still intertwined as he cocks his head to the side. "because i gave a cold girl my jacket?"

"and paid for her bill. and welcomed her on a walk," you say, "i'm wondering how much more i can get out of your very obvious pity."

his smile falters, eyebrows knitting as he shakes his head. "i'm not doing this out of pity."

the firm way in which he says it has you lowering your head shyly, eyes on the concrete as you take the hand in his back. all of your emotions are out of wack tonight, your chest not knowing how to feel, broken and aching over that awful dinner but also...slightly warmed by the actions of this random boy.

"then why are you doing it?" your voice sounds so small and it makes a frown cover his face now.

"can't i just be nice to you?" he asks, "why do i need a reason?"

"because we're...strangers," you say, looking up at him hesitantly and pressing your lips together nervously, "and you don't know me."

"everyone's strangers until they're not," he retorts, stepping just a smidge closer to you and it makes you swallow down the dry patch in your throat. "and maybe i want to know you."

when you can't find the words to respond, heart racing and throat clogged, he speaks up again.

"let me distract you tonight."

your eyebrow raises, head turning to the side because you don't know what to make of that comment. because you know you're vulnerable right now, know you should probably go home and cope normally in the form of crying and ice cream.

but you trust him for some reason. trust his soft voice and kind eyes and the way he seems so genuine and pure despite his dark appearance.

"what do you have in mind?" you find yourself asking, stomach fluttering and whether it's from nervousness or his bright smile, you don't know.

"could you still use a drink?"

12:22 a.m

"okay, i think....this is a weeeee bit unsafe!" you say as you stumble up the stairs behind him, his hand pulling you carefully by one of your fingers.

"probably," he says, "but we'll be okay."

the sound of a door squeaking open is the first thing you hear, the harsh whipping of wind the next as your hair blows back and coldness envelops your body. yunho bends to stick a brick in the door before guiding you to the middle of the rooftop.

the dark sky is lit by faint lights shining from apartment buildings and bulletin boards, the only sound an occasional honk of a horn making it's way up the 20 stories. you disconnect your hands to stumble over to the edge, placing them on the cold concrete to peer your head over. you take in the sight of tall buildings and taxis and little figures of people walking the streets.

"heeelllooo!" you scream down at them, your hands cupping your mouth in hopes someone will hear you. yunho's laugh echoes through the sky, quickly walking over to place a hand on your lower back.

"be careful."

you turn around, back now resting on the ledge as you poke his chest lightly. "you're the one that said we'll be okay," you mutter, lowering your voice to imitate his words. "because i'm big and strong and a suspiciously nice boy."

"okay, nice you told me," he says, voice teasing as he stares down at you with bright eyes. "but big and strong, you say?"

"very big and very strong," you say, letting your finger travel from his chest to his shoulder. he watches your eyes follow your hand, roaming from one side of him to the other before meeting his eyes. and it's like his gaze acts as an electric shock, your hand immediately falling from the black material.

"and i had very too much drink."

he smiles down at you, making sure to stay close because he'd be lying if he said you being so close to the edge didn't make him nervous. and perhaps this wasn't his best idea, bringing you up to the roof of his apartment complex after you had one too many beers.

but it's a nice place to clear your head, to take in the sights of the city in a less noisy and crowded way. and he thinks you could use that after the night you had, after the night he couldn't help but hear take place as he sat alone at the bar.

he had ohad a perfect view of you all night. you caught his eye the second he sat down, your shy smile and the way you fidgeted nervously with your hair making him not being able to tear his gaze away.

but then he'd heard the bored tone of the guy across from you, the way he was barely entertaining the conversation and just avoided all your softly spoken questions. he had tightened his grip around the beer bottle one too many times, sick and tired of asshole men who never learned how to respect other people.

"i just wanted my cheesecake."

your sudden whine rips him from his thoughts and he can't help the smirk creeping up on his face.

"which one? the tiramisu?"

it's your surprised gasp and bright eyes that has a smile stretching across his face and your own heart warms upon seeing it. because he is super cute.

"yes! oh, my gosh, yes!" you giggle, "have you had it?"

"every time i go," he chuckles out, "except tonight."

"me too," you say and the sudden thought that he wants to kiss the pout off your face comes into his head. but that would absolutely absurd because he's only known you two hours and you just got broken up with and you're a bit tipsy; there's just far too many reasons for him not to do it.

so he lifts his hand to your mouth, his thumb and pointer finger lifting your face into a smile. you giggle against his hand, opening your mouth playfully and pretending to bite it but he quickly rips it away.

"hey!" his voice is deep but teasing and it makes you squeal as you drunkely trot away from him. in fear that you'll somehow stumble over the edge, he chases after you but the sound of his feet causes you to speed up. your laugh echoes on the rooftop, his own deep chuckles and pleas of "stop!" ringing through the air.

and he wishes you would've listened because no less than ten seconds later do you trip over your shoe lace, stumbling and crashing down right on your side. he yelps your name, rushing over and is grateful to see your head didn't ricochet off the concrete.

"oops," you giggle out, rolling onto your back as you rub at your side. he kneels over you, assessing your face for any injuries and sighing in relief when you're unscathed. but then you sit up, looking around in a daze before your eyes land on the untied white lace.

"okay so not my fault....my shoe was untied."

"i see that," yunho laughs out, tapping his large hand on his knee. you look at him with a small unsure smile.

"let me tie you up."

your eyes widen for a split second, mouth dropping open and you see how bright red his face his face gets even in the dark.

"your shoe! let me tie your shoe up! so you don't fall again." you plop your foot down with a nervous laugh and watch his long fingers double knot your laces before gently placing it down. "next one," he says with a smile, "just in case."

you purse your lips to the side to hide your own, sticking your foot on him before laying back on the cold ground. he plops on his butt after he finishes tying the second shoe, watching you lay there and he hopes you don't fall asleep.

a few moments pass before he hears your quiet voice.

"what'd you say?" he asks, leaning his head towards you. but now it's his eyes that are widening, your hand pulling him by his sweater and if he didn't put his arms out, he probably would've fallen right on top of you. his large figure rolls off, laying right beside you just as you speak again.

"stars," you slur, "i wish we could see them here." because you're just staring at the black abyss, the crescent shaped moon the only thing beaming down at you. but what you'd give to see a sky full of twinkling stars, because there's a sense of wonder in them that always makes you feel better.

"i know, that'd be nice," he sighs. and it's a thought he's also had when he'd sneak up here. whether it was after rough days or okay days or great days, he always found solace up here. but he always thought, especially on those particular nights he felt gloomy, that the stars would've been good company.

"what made you take me up here, anyway?" you hum curiously.

he moves his gaze, watching you look at the sky and he feels his chest tighten. because it's like the moon is reflecting in your eyes, the only source of light shining down on you as you look up and take it all in. and even though your cheeks are red from the wind and tears and your hair is windblown and knotty, "you're beautiful."

he says it so lowly that you wouldn't have heard it if a harsh blow of wind whipped through the air. but because it didn't, because everything up here is now still and unmoving, you crane your neck to look at him.

"what?"

his cheeks flush ever so slightly because he did not mean to blurt that out. but he got lost in his admiration, in the way you looked so angelic and at peace and content and now he really has to work on answering you.

"i'm sorry," he says, voice sounding breathy and flustered. "i meant....i mean, i don't know, really. i just think it's a nice place to get away for a bit."

he thinks he might've scared you off by his compliment, watching you turn your head back to the sky and remain silent for a few beats of time. his brain is screaming at him now that you're gonna jump up and run away and think his intentions were anything but pure. but then his brain and body relax when your soft voice begins to speak up.

"it is," you squeak quietly, "i...think this was a good first choice."

"first choice?"

your head snaps to look at him again, a smile on your face at just his presence next to you. because he's the type of person who has a light around them, who makes you feel at ease and whose soul you just know is good.

"well yeah," you squeak out, "i have you as a distraction all night, right?"

a big smile of his own brightens his face and you feel your heart flutter, jumping and shifting at the way he just looks so happy.

"you do."

"well, i have our second place in mind. but we might have to take a taxi," you explain to him, "on me, of course."

"no need," he says, "this is actually my apartment building. my car is downstairs."

you huff out as your eyes roll and he chuckles when you stare at him with a pained expression.

"what?"

"you're too chivalrous!" you whine, smacking his chest lightly as you cross your legs. he only smiles as he shakes his head at you. but his heart hurts because the bare minimum for you would probably seem like an act of chivarly.

"fine. i'll drive myself there and you can walk," he teases, poking your kneecap lightly when he says the word 'you'.

"deal," you giggle and he bites his lip at the sound, placing his large arm behind his head before you continue. "but first..."

he watches you unzip his jacket, fishing inside of it before whipping out two beer bottles with a smile. "i'd like to finish these, if that's okay."

"did you smuggle those out?!" he asks, humor in his tone as he leans up on his elbows.

"well, i paid for them of course!" you squeak, cheeks heating up at the way he's looking at you with his soft eyes and red cheeks. but then it occurs to you why his poor face is probably bright red. "and since we're at your house now....can i please ask something of you?"

he raises his eyebrow at you.

"please get yourself a jacket."

2:38 a.m.

he'd been driving for a little over an hour when you quietly alert him that you've almost arrived. he'd been led to a suburban area, brick houses lined with garden gnomes and mini vans in a quiet town. he smiles when he drives around the corner and sees a fenced in playground, two jungle gyms equipped with monkey bars and slides as well as a swingset in the farthest corner.

"ah, so this is destination 2?"

"yeah..." he hears you mumble quietly, "do you think it's stupid?"

he looks over at you when he hears the almost whispered tone in your voice, eyes staring down at your lap with your hands tucked into one another tightly. it seems like you think he's gonna berate you, like you're reliving some sort of bad memory and expecting history to repeat itself.

so without thinking, he reaches out with his hand and places it over yours. the unexpected warmth causes you to jump, looking up at him with glossy, hazed eyes.

"of course not," he says softly and you swallow the lump in your throat. "i'm pleasantly surprised. i haven't been on a playground in forever."

the smallest of smiles makes its way on your face, whipping your head back to the park and wiggling your feet. "me either," you mumble.

"then let's go, shall we?" he hums, removing his hand from yours as he turns off the car and opens his door to get out. you just manage to place your hand on the handle when five seconds later, he's opening and holding the passenger side door for you.

"i'm not even gonna say it," you mumble before thanking him quietly. he chuckles as he follows you to one side of the park, a gaping hole in the fence that easily allows the average sized body to slip through. but it proves a bit more challengingly for him, a giggle leaving your mouth as you take him by the hand and pull him the rest of the way in.

"i forgot you're a giant."

he scoffs playfully at you, running past you to get to the swings first. but you're sluggish in your movements, teetering and eyes heavy because you really shouldn't have had those two drinks. you were hoping it'd liven your spirits, make you more fun and playful.

but it appears when you're as sad as you are, the fun parts of drinking get skipped over and the sorrow you're feeling only heightens. and the boy smiling at you on the swing is making it easier, the way he talked and laughed with you in the car, the way he's parading you around and keeping you company so you're not lonely and sad. but you still feel it, feel like you're being crushed by the pain in your chest and torn in two different directions.

"i shouldn't have drank," you whine, taking a seat on the swing and leaning your head against the cool chain. your statement immediately has his eyes widening, his feet stopping on the gravel and looking at you.

"why?" he asks, slight panic in his voice, "are you gonna puke?"

"no," you giggle out slightly as you shake your head. "i just...i know my company's about to get pretty depressing." you swallow the lump forming in your throat, feeling tight and like you're about to choke on it. "your distractions have been....great but i'm still feeling so- i don't know why i'm-"

you feel his hands on your knee, the warmth radiating through your pants as he's bent down and looking at you with those kind brown eyes.

"hey, it's okay," he says softly and it has tears stinging behind your own because he looks at you nicer than he ever did and here you are crying over that waste when you could be getting to know him. "it'd be unusual if you didn't, y/n, it just happened."

your teeth dig into your lip to stop it from trembling, sniffling against the cold air. "i guess...i brought him here once you know."

"yeah?"

his heart wrenches seeing you stare down at your lap dejectedly, moving your foot in small circles that his thumbs micmic on your knee. and that's the way you stay for a while, in the cold silence together as he stays bent down rubbing your knee, your eyes trailing from your lip to his long fingers that have such a gentle touch.

"when we first started dating," you finally say quietly because it was probably one the first red flags that he wasn't gonna be the best boyfriend. you'd been dating for two months, driving back into the city after his first time meeting your parents when you asked him if you could show him one of your favorite places.

and you don't know why you were so surprised when he laughed at you, raised an eyebrow and scoffed  because 'why would a grown adult wanna go to a playground?'

"did he like it?" he asks, seeing that you're in your head again.

"of course not," you laugh out humorlessly, "he thought it was so stupid. asked why either of us would even wanna go here when we're full grown adults. but i...i don't know, i came here all the time when i was younger and wanted to show him. i though it'd be fun."

he forgets he's holding onto your knee so you look down when he squeezes it between his large hand, eyes tight and jaw slightly clenched as he shakes his head.

"he's the stupid one," yunho bites into the cold air, "you wanted to show him something meaningful and he couldn't see that."

you shrug as a quiet sigh leaves your mouth. you don't even know why you keep talking but words just keep falling out of you, making you even more mopey and sad and you know he's absolutely regretting this. regretting spending his night with a whiney loser who can't stay out of her own sad head, who doesn't ever know what to say back so you lapse into silence while uncomfortable thoughts plague your mind.

"would you break up with someone like that?" he hears your voice ask lowly and his stomach twists at your question. because it was so random and out of nowhere, he knows you've probably been mulling over everything for these past few silent minutes.

"would you just spring it on a person like that? at a restaurant in front of people?"

he doesn't even have to think about his response.

"no," he mumbles truthfully, "i...don't think i could ever."

you sniffle because you had known that would be his answer. he's nice and kind and everything you wanted your boy....ex-boyfriend to be.

"but i've also never broken up with anyone before," he shares quietly.

you wipe at the lone tear that finally escaped your eye, cringing when you see your makeup on his jacket.

"oh? but you've had a girlfriend before, right?"

when he doesn't answer, your eyes widen and you quickly correct yourself when you meet his gaze. "or boyfriend..."

a small smile crosses his face as he shakes his head. "it'd be girlfriend..." he says teasingly, "but no... i've never really dated anyone, officially. just flings and stuff."

"why?" you squeak out and his eyes flicker to you, roaming your face to see an avid curiosity in your wide, glossy eyes.

"i don't know," he says honestly and he wishes he had a better answer for you. "it's not like i haven't wanted one...i just never found the right person, i guess."

you can only hum thoughtfully, nodding as you take in this new bit of information. because how is it possible that he can't manage to find the right person?

"well who would that be then?"

when he looks up from your knees, he sees you looking down at him with your head back against the chain. and if was anyone else, he'd think they were asking coyly. like they were trying flirt or be tempting.

but he knows that's not the case, even if he wants it to be.

"someone good," he says after thinking about it for a second, "someone i can have fun with but also be serious with. just someone...genuine and sweet, who i know deserves the best."

"you just described yourself," you mumble and he can't help the laugh that bubbles out of him.

"yeah? i thought that kind of sounded like someone else here," he responds lowly, his deep voice causing your gaze to meet his. you bite your lip nervously at the eye contact and any other time it'd make you nervous and fidgety. but now, because you're in the state you're in, you can't look away.

and it's a state he knows you're in as well which is what causes him to look away and stand up, moving himself behind you until his hands meet the middle of your back. you jump in surprise, craning your neck back to look at him.

but before you can ask him what's happening, you start flying into the air. you let out a small squeal as you tighten your hold on the chains, his large hands pushing on your back as you swing.  

"don't fall again!"

"well, a warning would've been nice!" you squeak before another uncontrollable laugh cuts you off.

"that's not as fun."

he continues to push you until you whine for him to sit down next to you, pumping your legs as you two fight to get higher. but when he leans his head back a few minutes later and catches a glimpse of the dark sky, he's halting and grabbing you to stop the swing.

"what're you doing, cheater! i was winning!"

"come with me."

he grabs your hand and leads you over to the jungle gym, guiding you up to the highest platform before craning his neck up.

"what're you doing?" you ask as you mimic him before a gasp cuts you off. because the exposed ceiling of the playground shows off the sky full of bright twinkling stars, the lack of light pollution from the bustling city allowing you to see just what you're robbed of every night.

"the stars!" you squeal, looking at him excitedly and he feels his chest constrict like it has every time that bright smile comes out. "they're so pretty."

"they are," he mumbles, watching you plop down on the cold floor and lay out to stargaze. he smiles softly before joining you, bending his legs so he fits on the platform. and just like on the rooftop, your arms press together but neither of you make any attempts to move them.

and then if your head somehow ends up grazing his shoulder, he only peaks down with a smile that matches your own.

4:10 a.m.

once the cold got too much, lips chapped and hands red, you both ran to the car and waited anxiously for the heat to crank up. there was a sense in the air that your time wasn't over yet, neither one of you mentioning going home or ending the night despite the early morning hours creeping around.

so it's why you ended up picking up food at a 24-hour conveience store, crumps of snacks and water bottles littering the floor of his car. why you're both just pulled over on the side of the empty highway, the occurence of another flashing pair of headlights rare.

"so what do you usually do on a friday night?" you chirp as your feet rest on the dashboard, "you know, when you're not accompanying a weepy dumpee?"

"don't call yourself that," he laughs out, "but usually just at one of my friends. we're a boring bunch so you've actually spiced up my night."

"now i know that's a lie," you quip, poking his arm lightly and the sound of his deep chuckle has your cheeks heating. he is cute.

"it's not," he assures turning his head to the side to throw you a wink. "and thank you."

your body freezes as a gasp leaves your mouth, snapping your head to look at him. he doesn't laugh because of how wide your eyes are, how shocked and horrified you look that you just said that aloud, but he really wants to.

"i...i didn't say- oh, my god."

"what's so bad about that? i blurted out that you were beautiful two hours into meeting," he says, embarassment laced in his tone.

your cheeks heat at the memory, a shy smile on your face as you look down to hide the bright blush. it's daring on his part, daring to reach out and lift your face, rub his thumb along the warm skin and smile softly as he does so.

"why are you hiding?"

"because you're crazy," you say lowly, quietly, and you're cursing the dinner and the way this sweet boy affects you for your low self-esteem ruining the car's atmosphere.

"fine, i'm crazy," he says, "but you're still bea-"

"i'm not," you interupt quietly, before he can say those words and warm your heart and make you wanna kiss him. because that would be a terrible idea. even though you want to, even though you've developed the fastest crush in history and it would be so easy to just scoot over a few inches, move your head in just a little and-

"why? because he broke up with you?"

you bite your lip at the reminder, roaming over his face that's unwavering and serious. dark eyes looking into yours, focused on nothing but you with his hand still on your cheek. you swallow the ball forming in your throat as he waits for you to answer.

"yes," you mumble, feeling your eyes gloss over before you move your face to look back out the window. he sighs next to you and you can feel his gaze on you, boring into you and the tightness in your throat is almost suffocating you.

"i'm sorry, y/n, but you have to know-"

"stop it," you mumble brokenly, "please stop."

"why," he says softly and he's surprised by himself for pushing you. but he can't help it, not as he watches your fleeting moments of happiness fade in and out the way they have all night, sees your eyes water and hands start to fidget.

there's only a tense silence in the car for the next few moments, your eyes out the window and his on you as he watches your fingers fold into each other.

"he didn't deserve you," he suddenly says and you look up with your eyebrows furrowed, a humorless laugh leaving your mouth.

"how could you say that, you don't even know him," you mumble, hating that you're sitting here and defending him. and for what? you already knew he was the worst.  

"from the things you've told me. from what i saw and heard with my own ears," he tells you quietly. "i...he acted as if he wanted to be anywhere else but with you. and i just couldn't imagine why. because you seemed so... sweet and happy to be there with him."

you swallow nervously at his intense gaze and words, reaching out to fumble with the heat because it just got uncomfortably warm in here.

"why are you saying these things?" you ask suddenly, snapping your head up to look at him. "why are you still being so nice to me?"

he lets out a strangled sigh, his hard eyes looking you over and it makes something in you burn.

"i get it, you feel bad and wanted to play the knight in shining armor for a pathetic girl. but i can't take it, tonight. i can't take you...saying these things to me and not meaning it. just saying it out of pity."

"that wasn't why i did it," he's quick to say and there's something building in the air, a light buzzing as you become more snappy and he becomes more adament to prove himself to you. "and how do you know i don't mean it? i never felt pity for you."

"because it doesn't make any sense," you squeak out brokenly, "you're...you and i'm just some sad girl who can't keep her boyfriend interested enough to remember their fucking anniversary. can't keep her boyfriend happy enough to wanna stay with her and instead be dumped at-"

it's his large hand grabbing your jaw that starts it. halts your words and connects your gazes and has shaky, strangled breaths leaving your mouth. has him mumbling "stop it," through gritted teeth and you snarling a firm, "no."

and it could've been him bringing you forward or you pulling him closer but somehow, after a few beats of lingering gazes and breathy sighs, your lips connect.

at first neither of you even realized what happened, lips instinctually moving against one another and eyes shutting. his hand moves to your cheek and yours move to his shoulder, squeezing it lightly to ground yourself, make sure this is really happening because apparently the warm tingly feeling in your body isn't proof enough.

but it's what makes him rips himself away from you, chest heaving up and down from the adrenline of acting upon the feelings and actions he wanted to the moment he saw your smile on the rooftop.

"i'm sorry," he breaths out, eyes trained on the steering wheel, "i shouldn't have done that."

and if he thinks he shouldn't have done that, then you certainly don't think crawling over the console to straddle his lap would be the next appropriate move. but you do because it's like the second your lips met, you realized just how much you wanted and needed that.

his body freezes, back pressed right up against the black leather seat when watches you climb over. he looks down at you, dark eyes with a mix of agony and surprise and he's trying so hard to remain the nice, gentle boy he's been all night.

but then you bunch his shirt up between your hands, pull him down a few inches from your lips and mumble a plea to kiss you again against his mouth that has your lips crashing into one another again. his arms wrap around your waist hesitantly, your back arching when you feel how big his hands feel on your back, the warmth from his skin penetrating through your shirt. and it's all the encouragement he needs to tighten his hold around you, part his mouth and allow his tongue to sweep across your lips.

you stiffle a moan at the intrusion, meet his with yours as you slightly roll your hips on him. "y/n..." he groans against your lips but you only hum against them, body buzzing and the sound of heavy breathing fanning throughout the car only is only making you more willing to kiss him, to press yourself against his body and give yourself over to him.

but he quickly stops again, disconnecting your lips and squeezing your hips lightly. "wait..we shouldn't ...i don't wanna make you-"

"please," you say breathlessly, almost like a whine because your desire had been harboured by sadness but you now you don't even care. not with the feeling of him under you and the taste of him lingering on your lips and the way he's looking at you. "i want you."

"this isn't how how or why i wanted to distract you," he grunts out, "i swear i didn't-"

"yunho," you say, eyes boring into his and when he looks at you with wide, questioning eyes, you place a peck on his lips. "shut up."

and shut up he does when you bring his face down to yours, grinding his hips up into you at your eagerness and a tiny moan leaves your mouth at the feeling. because you feel the hint of a bulge and now arousal is just pounding through you.

your hands move to his hair, pulling and tugging and grinding against him and you hadn't realized how pent up sexually you were. and like the man under you has transformed into a new person, you just about faint when he disconnects your lips and mumbles against them, "he wasn't fucking you right, was he?"

your hazy, half-lidded gaze moves to him and you swallow at how different he looks. messy hair, red lips, dark eyes looking at you with such an intense, lustful gaze. and his voice, his deep and almost condescending tone causing wetness to pool between your legs.

"no," you whine out frustratedly.

"i can tell," he mutters teasingly and the way he says it makes your stomach flutter. his lips trail against your neck, kissing down and down as you lean your head back and bite your lips to suppress a moan.

"i'm gonna make you feel good, make you moan my name and come on my tongue and then fuck you right," he says pulling away from your neck to make you look at him, "is that good, baby? is that what you want?"

his dick twitches when he sees your roused hair and flushed face, eyes glossy and lips abused from his kiss and your teeth.

"hm?" he mutters again when you can only stare at him as your chest heaves.

"yes," you moan out and you can't believe how quickly you've fallen so needy and wet, "please."

"yes what?" he growls, "say my name."

"yunho. yes, yunho, please."

he lays you down on the seat, sliding it all the way back until he has just enough leg room to crouch down by the floor. he snakes his hands up your legs and thighs slowly, rubbing along your core and smiling when you thrash and twitch on the seat.

"are you gonna be wet for me, baby? i hope that's what i'm gonna see."

"yes, yunho," you repeat and he sharply inhales at how quickly you've learned to listen, how eager you are to respond and how you're already widening your legs.

"you're such a good girl, you know that?" he hums, undoing your pants with his fingers and you make sure to crane your neck to watch him. and it doesn't get lost on him either, smirking as his tugs your pants down to mid-thigh and you moan in response. your eyes roll back when you see his long finger trail against your wet lace thong and he has to surpress the growl in his throat.

"look at these," he hums moving them to the side just a little to graze your wetness and licks his lips when he feels his fingers get slick with your arousal.

"you," you gasp out, desperate for his touch or his tongue or just to feel him do anything but teasingly have his finger on you. "for you."

"yeah?" he mumbles, slowly moving around your dripping slit and you swallow down a loud moan. "you know. i wanted to kiss you all night," he hums, sliding your soaked thong down slowly and kissing in your inner thigh, "but i didn't think i'd get this lucky."

and with that, his hair grazes your stomach as he dips his head and places his tongue on your clit, lapping over it before trailing down to lick and taste more of you.

"holy shit," you gasp out and it only causes his tongue's assault to build frantically, sucking and licking and moaning against your wetness as he mumbles how good you taste. your hand moves to his hair, pulling and twisting the strands of hair and then gripping it harshly when you feel his finger slide into you.

"yunho," you screech out and you catch his eyes looking up at you, the image of him right between your legs, his mouth grazes over your burning core causing your own to roll back.

"look at me."

his deep voice commands it with such deep authority, so different than his sweet soft-spoken words, that you roll your head back to look at him with hazy eyes.

"i want you to watch me. watch me eat and finger this tight little pussy until you're screaming my name," he growls, bringing his other hand up to squeeze your bare thigh. "understand? i want you to watch me."

you nod your head frantically and you think you would've agreed to anything just for his tongue to go back on you and his finger to start pounding into you. and when it does, when he finally starts again between your legs, you bite your lips so your eyes don't roll back again.

because his tongue lapping over your clit, his long finger pounding up into you as looks right at you is quickly becoming too much. you can't ever remember a time oral felt like this, felt so consuming and had you making the sorts of moans and whines vibrating throughout the car.

"oh my god," you whine lowly, rolling your hips over his face but it only causes the hand not in your pussy to pin you down by your hips.

"hey," he warns lowly, his wet lips retracting from between your legs, "you've been so good for me, baby. what happened?"

"i'm sorry," you whine, "it just feels so-" his tongue laps at your clit teasingly and you screech "good, feels so good," when he sucks it into his hot mouth.

"i think i need to sit you on my cock," he says and the pride that floods through him when you clench around his finger is all consuming. "what do you think?"

"yes, yunho," you say, trying to remember how he likes you good, "please, i wanna sit on your cock." and it pays off because one second your laid out on your back, the next your pants are at your ankles and he's flipped you guys so you're straddling him again.

you feel his hardness under you, peaking down and your eyes widening when you see his sheer size. "whoa..."

your cheeks flush when you hear his deep chuckle, his hand running through your sweaty hair as he lifts your head.

"i'll be gentle."

but in a bold move, you spit on your hand and jerk his cock causing him to sputter in the seat below you. "i hope not," you mutter, eyes teasing and voice low and he squints his eyes at you.

"oh no?" he hums, "then sit."

thighs wet from the arousal dripping out of you, you swirl the tip around your slit teasingly and throw your heard back with a moan. and it's the only reason he humors it, because the way you look with your head thrown back, chest heaving and mouth hung open, is enough to make his already throbbing cock ache for you even more.

you move it to your clit, pressing him into it and grinding as a whiney cry leaves your lips. "oh my god," you squeak, your eyes shooting to his and you connect your lips again. he meets your kiss with the same fervor, taking his cock from your hold and lining it up with your entrance.

"i need to fuck you now," he growls, "please, baby."

"yes," you mumble against his lips, groaning out against him when you feel him enter you and stretch your walls. you both let out breathy moans when he fully enters, him because "you're so fucking tight" and you because "you're so big, yunho," and it's all the motivation you need to start grinding your hips onto him.

his hands dig into your hips, urging you on with coos of pet names and expletives that have you grinding and bouncing and moaning out. and if anyone were hitch hiking on the side of the road right now, it wouldn't take an expert to know just what was going on inside.

because both your deep moans and grunts are echoing throughout the car. your heavy breathing and sighs have fogged up the windows of the shaking car from your rolling and grinding and his thrusting to find that spot within you.

the spot he finds only a few minutes later that has you falling forward into the crook of his neck, bouncing your wet heat on him because you hear his strangled breathing and loud grunts until the familiar hot feeling of him releasing inside you has moans ripping out of your chests in unison.

it takes a while for your breathing to turn even, for your shaking legs to simmer and the ringing in his ears to stop. but when it does, he kisses the top of your head still buried in the crook of his neck and gently places you in the seat next to him.

he fumbles with the glove compartment and takes out a wipe, gently dabbing between your legs as you lay your head back on the leather seat.

"you okay?" he quietly laughs out seeing you still in a post-orgasm daze.

"i'm....good, great," you say, a laugh bubbling out of you before shyly thanking him for cleaning you. because even in the car, directly after an intense sex-crazed adrenaline rush, he still remembers aftercare. and you think if it was possible to fall in love with someone in a night, with a heart as fragile as yours, he'd be the person to make it happen.

"me too," he says quietly, throwing the wipe in the empty plastic bag before he looks over your face. "i...that was uh great, really great."

his face burns when you turn away to laugh into your shoulder, his deep of groan of "stop!" only making you giggle more. and like it wasn't the cause of what just happened in the first place, you mumble again that he's cute.

"also," you say, when your laugh and his red cheeks subside, "it'd probably be a good time to mention i'm on the pill."

6:49 a.m.

you're half asleep in the front seat of yunho's car, the familiar sounds of horns honking and the bustling city keeping you from falling into a full slumber. he had asked on the way back if he could bring you to one more place before you called it a night (even though the birds were chirping and sun was rising). and who were you to say no when he had smiled and asked so softly.

you pop your eyes open, hands under your cheek as you watch him silently bob his head to the soft music. he's at a red light, one hand atop the steering wheel as he looks over to see you staring.

"hey sleepy," he says, reaching out to fix your slightly messy hair. "i'm sorry, i know you're tired but we're almost there."

"s'okay," you mumble, meeting his soft eyes with a smile, "i don't wanna leave you yet anyway."

"oh no?" he hums softly and his heart tightens when you sees a shy blush cross your face.

"i didn't mean to say that," you sigh out sleepily and his small chuckle rings through the car.

"i was hoping you did," he says, hand moving from your head to pink cheek, "because i don't wanna leave you yet either."

the sound of a honk promptly ruins the moment, yunho's eyes moving to squint into the mirror before he drives off. you giggle as you shut your eyes again, burrowing yourself further into the leather.

he shakes you awake a few moments later, his hand on your shoulder as he looks down at with you soft brown eyes.

"we're here."

"where?" you mumble, sitting up and peaking out the window to see a small bakery.

"let me show you."

he gets out and meets you around the passenger side door, opening it for you and extending his hand out to you; you take it without a second thought and he smiles as he intertwines your fingers.

you walk up to the bakery door, the fresh smell of baked bread wafting through the empty store. the faint welcome from the worker is drowned out as your eyes peer over the shelves, bread and cookies and cakes lined up behind the streak-free glass.

you look up at him curiously when he leads you over to the cakes, tightening his hold on your hand when you guys stop in front of the display.

"pick anything you want."

you cock your head to the side before your eyes roam over the selection, squinting your eyes to read the script in front of every pastry when a tiny gasp escapes your lips.

"is that a-"

"tiramisu cheesecake," he confirms, "i heard it's really good here."

you stare at the glass as your heart tightens in your chest and you can't believe you have any tears left to sting behind your eyes today. but you don't wanna cry, even if they're happy tears, so it's why you lean your head against his arm and press your lips into a firm line.

"and i don't know if it's as good as that one," he says lowly, "but i figured it could hold you over until we....until you go back."

you lift your head to stare at him and he pouts upon seeing the one on your face. but before he can ask what's wrong or if he overstepped, your arm is wrapped around his body as you press your head into his chest.

"thank you," you choke out, "i....thank you." because if you try to say anymore, your hope that not even happy tears escape your eyes will be gone to shit.

and it's like he knows that. so he presses his lips to the top of your head and asks for a slice, your body still attached to his when he pays and ushers you out to the car.

and that's where you tell him you're so thankful for this cake but you also wanna enjoy the other one too. and at first he doesn't understand, his eyebrows furrowed together as he nods his head hesitantly.

"so i was thinking....maybe not this week, so i don't show up with a new boy right away...but next week, maybe we can go to-"

"yes," he blurts out and a big smile makes its way on your face when you see he can barely hold back his excitement. and he doesn't even care too.

because as he takes you home, you excitedly talk it over and exchange numbers. and he's quick to tell you you can start out as friends first, that he doesn't expect anything from you and will take this new found relationship at whatever pace you decide to set.

but you hope the smirk you throw his way shows him that you know within a few weeks time, you'll completely forget about the boy who made you so upset and dropped you into his lap, now filling you with such an excited, hopeful feeling even in your sleep deprived state.

you direct him to your apartment building and you thank him again for the night, sweet smiles and lingering gazes as you both delay separating.

but because that time has come, you gather your cake and open the door after teasing him that he better not get out and do it for you.

"so, i'll see you next week?" you ask quietly, a small shy smile on your face.

"next week," he says, watching you with a smile and light heart as you barrel up your apartment stairs and he gives himself two hours before his fingers start itching to text you.

[futurebicon]

No Control Part 5

Might be last part I’m not 100% sure. Sorry it took so long I had no idea how I wanted it to go

“Hey”

Leo jumped slightly at Logan’s words. The medicine had helped but he was still too quiet and unsure.

“Are you okay?” Leo started at the heart monitor expecting it to go straight like it had before.

~~~

“Caps doing okay?” Logan asked when his boys came back and he had got off the phone with all their very concerned families.

“He has a lot of trouble talking and can’t remember what some stuff means. You can tell it’s killing him.” Finn told him.

“Damn.” Logan shook his head.

“What’s that look for, love?” Finn brushed his hair off his face.

“I just- my injuries are so fucking small compared to his. Fuck, having to take it easy for a few months when he had an entire organ removed? Just feel bad.”

“You know that the minute he has a full understanding of what happened he’s gonna think that he should of been the only one that got hurt.”

Logan chuckled a little “Yeah probably.”

His eyes landed on Leo who was sitting on the other side of his bed. He was playing with the strings of Logan’s hoodie, mixing them between his fingers. He would glance up at Logan, dart his eyes over all the machines, then go back to looking at the hoodie.

Logan swallowed down the odd feeling in his throat. “Leo baby.”

“Hmm.” Leo’s head shot up.

“You okay, love?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” His voice was shy.

“S-sure?” Logan coughed.

“Logan?” Finn asked.

“I’m okay.” Logan told him before looking back at Leo and reaching his arm out.

Leo stared at his hand and looked up at Logan.

“I know I scared you but I’m okay now. I’m okay.” Logan extended his hand more.

Leo nodded slowly and took his hand.

“See? I’m okay.” Logan squeezed his hand.

“I love you.” Leo said and squeezed back.

“I love you too.” Logan smiled at the glimpse of the real Leo. “And I love you.” He turned to look at Finn.

“I love you too.” Finn smiled. “I love both of you very, very much.”

Logan went to say something but the odd feeling returned.

Leo’s hand shot back to his chest as soon as Logan started coughing.

“Lo, baby?” Finn said. “You okay?”

“Finn?” Leo’s eyes were wide and terrified. “Finn what happened? Is he okay? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything, love.” Finns heart broke at the state of pure terror his boyfriend was in. “You didn’t do anything but I don’t know what’s happening. Do you want to get a nu-”

Logan’s coughing slowed as his heart machine started beeping faster and faster.

The line went flat.

Next thing Leo knew someone was grabbing him as he screamed and kicked and tried to get them to let him go.

He didn’t fully know why he was doing it but he couldn’t stop it.

“Let me go!” Leo’s scream was shrill as he punched Dumos arms. “Let me go! No!”

Dumo was pulling him away from the bed where doctors were surrounding Logan and machines were making too much noise.

Finn was screaming and trying to get out of Kunys grip. The rest of the team jumped in to help keep the two distraught boys away from their boyfriend.

They didn’t know what exactly happened except that they were in the waisting room down the hall from Logan’s room. Then Finn and Leo’s screams echoed throughout the hall, alarms started going off, and doctors sprinted past.

“No. Please, no.” Leo sobbed. Both of them still trying to get out of the prison of arms even though the door was closed.

“Come on. Come on. He’s okay. Breathe, Leo.” Dumo tightened his hold as the pulled them into the private waiting room.

He gave up and slid down the wall.

Finn kept trying to get back.

Leo stood up and grabbed his boyfriend. “Finn, please calm down. Please.” He sobbed. “Please Finn.”

“Listen to Leo Finn.” Reg gritted. Half the team now having to keep him back.

He was barely even screaming anymore. Just broken sobs as he thrashed around.

His body relaxed enough for the arms to let him go but his mind was still in fight mode.

“What Leo?” He snapped, making Leo flinch back.

“Y-you’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you?” Finn scoffed and walked closer to Leo. “What the fuck isn’t scaring you?”

“Finn.” Regulus warned.

“No. He was scared to fucking touch him. You wouldn’t fucking touch him and you have the audacity to say I’m scaring you.” He set his face and punched Leo lightly. “Stop acting fucking childish and get the hell away from me.”

~~~

“I’m okay. The meds they gave me helped.” Leo nodded.

“Can you hold my hand?”

Leo froze, memories threatened to flow back.

“Hey. None of that.” Logan stopped him. “I’m right here. I’m okay. Just hold my hand.”

Leo hesitated, touching their skin together with a flinch.

“Relax, mon amour.” Logan said softly, making Leo let his impossibly tight muscles relax.

“Look at me.” He tore his eyes away from the heart monitor. “I’m right here. I’m so sorry I scared you but I’m right here.”

Leo nodded with a small smile and let himself fully relax for the first time in hours.

++4 Months Later++

Remus sprinted into the living room at the sound of glass shattering. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Hey, talk to me, baby.” He grabbed onto his doubled over, sobbing boyfriend. “Baby please.”

“I can’t-” he stopped and let out a scream. “talk”

“Baby” Remus felt bad that he felt relieved over the fact that Sirius was upset instead of hurt. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you.” He pressed kissed to his forehead and rocked them back and forth.

“Feel -" He punched Remus's chest and screamed.

Remus hated how powerless he felt because this wasn't an injury that you could bandage. Not like his leg or even his spleen.

There was nothing you could do for this injury except wait.

He's been going to physical therapy but the ones for his brain were he had to read kindergarten papers did more harm than good. He always refuses to talk the next day and has banned Remus from the therapy room, hating that Remus sees him struggling.

This wasn't the first time everything has gotten so pent up and he couldn't use words so he screamed.

The first fight they got into after the accident, about Sirius hiding how much he was suffering, Sirius terrified Remus when instead of saying the word his mind was trying to form, he gripped his hair and fell to the floor as he screamed. He had thrown Remus's phone across the room when he tried to call 911, Sirius not giving him any answers for the behavior.

He hated talking around the team. He rarely did. The only persons that's heard his voice more than 5 times an hour has been Remus.

It's been 4 months since the accident and his speech hasn't improved. The doctors weren't quiet with their whispers.

Sirius didn't talk for a week when Remus tried to bring up what they would do if it didn't get better.

The first thing he said when he talked again was a chopped up "I will get better" and just like his ankle he was trying.

He was trying so, so hard.

After that day he did everything he could to get his speech back.

He would go over sentences with Remus for hours until he could get his mouth to form them half fluently.

The first full string of words he said was "I love you." and they both collapsed into sobs because he hadn't been able to say that for four months.

A 'love' was enough to know what he was trying to say but for Sirius it didn't hold the same meaning.

And not being able to say it the way he wanted only lead to him being frustrated when he said it the only way he could. So 'love' was only heard during the rare times of quiet between them.

While watching a show that didn't trigger a paralysing headache, or while Remus made him lunch and danced around in the kitchen to quiet music. Or, the rarest of them all, when they laid panting in the sheets.

Sex was next to nonexistent. The first time was two months after the accident. Dr. Gemma had given them the go ahead and Sirius was more than eager. "Damn -sponge- baths." He laughed that night. Remus was hesitant, very hesitant. But the sex still felt amazing even though it was slow and gentle. Sirius noticed how hesitant he was, of course he did. He brushed it away in the heat of the moment but the next morning he brought it back.

"I- won't- break." His sobs added even more time between words. "Stop- treating- like I- will." Remus held him as they talked, really talked for the first time since the accident.

About the accident, about how Remus felt, about how Sirius felt mentally, how he felt physically, and how his brain injury was affecting them both.

Remus stopped Sirius when he started to get frustrated about his speech. "I want to hold you." Was his excuse even though he had been holding him the whole time.

Sirius would smile and continue once he had a better understanding of how to form the words he was trying to say.

But sex was the least of their concerns right now. With practices, therapy, games, doctors visits, team gatherings, court meetings, and the obvious soreness from practice and pain from a nearly fatal car crash, it really wasn't their biggest concern.

“Shh, my love. I know it’s hard but it’s going to be okay.” Remus said softly. “You’re going to be okay.”

“Hate-” he screamed again in frustration.

“Shh, I know. I know. Shh. You’re going to give yourself a headache, baby. You’ve got to calm down.”

The words held little meaning. The 30 minute long breakdown ended in an hour long paralyzing headache.

+++

“Guess who was cleared for exercise.” Logan shouted when he threw Dumos door open.

The team all cheered around him.

“Gonna get sick of it in a week.” Kasey teased him.

“Probably but oh well.” He flashed a bright smile.

“Congrats.” Sirius nodded.

“Thanks Cap.” Logan clapped him on the back. Sirius had been cleared last month and Logan had been whining every sense.

Team parties had changed drastically since the accident.

No longer loud and obnoxious, no one wanting to trigger a headache.

Drinks were rare. Neither of them were allowed alcohol with their medications.

Everyone had gotten used to talking slower so that Sirius could understand them. Sirius never said anything when they were talking too fast at first but a look from Remus reminded them. And even if Remus got caught up in the conversation at glance as Sirius’s downfallen face let them know.

So they settled into the new environment even finding it comfortable.

“Can you get me one of those?” Sirius asked Remus quietly, pointing at one of Celestes cookies.

“Sure, ba-” Remus stopped. “Say that again.”

“Can you get me one of those?” Sirius gave him a confused look before his eyes went wide. His words flowing easily.

“Say something else.”

“What else? Oh my god I can talk.” He flung himself onto Remus.

They clung to each other tightly. Both of them laughing wetly with tears as Sirius chanted “I love you” over and over again. And Remus whispered it back.

“What? What happened?” James asked.

“Say their names.” Remus spun Sirius to face them.

“Dumo, James, Kasey, Logan, Leo, Finn, Walker, Kuny, Olli-”

Everyone cheered at the heightened speed, not super fast but still not forced and stuttered like before.

“Told you you would get better.” Sirius whispered to Remus as the team surrounded them.

@lumosinlove

Not proof read and rushed I’m sorry

[yeochikin]

[ 03:21 ]

a low groan left mingi's lips at the ring of his phone. at first, he waited until the ringtone of his ended, finally relaxing as he waited for sleep to take over him once again. but of course, the idea was thrown out of the window as his phone rang once again.

huffing out of frustration, he blindly reached out for his phone, answering it without even looking at the caller’s id. he didn't need to. he just knew who would still be up in the little hours of night, much like tonight.

“what do you want?” mingi’s deep voice grumbled into the phone, and turned on his side so the phone would stay intact on the side of his face without the need to hold the device in his hand.

at the other end of the line, he could hear you giggling. despite the cheekiness in it, mingi could somehow sense the nervousness hinting in the tone of his best friend.

“hey so uh, what do you think about me cutting my bangs?” you said with a meek tone, causing mingi to inwardly let out a groan.

“plum, i love you but you really need to consider. you're gonna regret this later on.” he said gruffly, though the corners of his lips quirked up at the sound of you whining into the phone.

of course, no matter how annoyed he was towards you for calling him at – he squinted at the time – 3 in the morning, mingi could never not put in his favourite nickname for you. he only came up with that nickname ever since he noticed that you particularly favoured plums due to the fact that you rarely get to eat them because of how expensive they could be in your local grocer’s. and for the same reason, you called him-

“peach.” you whined before millions of reasons left your lips, though going unheard of by the male who craved to let sleep take over him once again.

“and you know this has been going through my head for months!” you finished with a huff.

mingi could only emit another groan out of frustration, momentarily pulling his phone away from his ear to glare at the caller’s id before reluctantly getting up from his bed to switch on his lights, quickly diving back into his warm sheets. the male knew that no matter how much he reasoned with you, he would always give in to your… questionable choices, even if it's 3 in the morning. call him weak, but he has a soft spot for you.

“fine. but if you're cutting your own hair, at least let me watch so i would be the first one to tease your bangs.” he said into the phone, smiling faintly to himself at the jovial cheer coming from the other line.

with that, mingi then tapped on the video call icon and held the phone away from his face so he would be in frame. almost instantly, the screen showed your excited yet also, nervous, face. your phone seemingly propped up near the mirror in your room as a part of your hair was already sectioned to the middle, being held in between your fingers.

“you do know what you're doing, right?” mingi asked, amused at the way you kept giggling nervously to yourself every time the scissors neared your hair.

“i've watched a few videos and asked a few of my friends for advice, so i am a hundred percent sure that i know what i'm doing.” you replied, staring at your own reflection in the mirror before taking a deep breath to calm your nerves.

everyone knows that being nervous while cutting your hair is a huge no.

“come on, y/n, it's just hair. it will grow..” you repeatedly said just to give that extra boost of confidence while holding the scissors close to your hair, much to the boy’s amusement at your little antics.

but then, his breath hitched in his throat as he finally heard a loud ‘snip’ from the scissors. it felt as if time had slowed from the way the strands of hair gingerly fell from your fingers, and landed on your dresser without a noise. your wide eyes stared at the strands of hair before looking into the mirror to lightly brush the remaining hairs after being cut with your digits, now reached just almost over your lower lip.

“shit, you finally took your first step, plum.” he said, still amazed that you finally did so.

“holy shit. peach, i did it.” you whispered, still in disbelief that you actually did it.

mingi could only laugh at the way you picked up the hairs resting on the dresser and showed it to the camera, sending you praises and compliments along with words of encouragement. he would also give you little tips so you wouldn't mess up, and even joke around to ease your tense nerves. it would be a lie to say that he's not nervous as you continued to cut your own hair, knowing that you had never done it by yourself before. what made you suddenly want to cut your own hair at three in the morning instead of going to the hairdresser’s, he would never know.

it took almost an hour and a half for you to finally put the scissors down, brushing your newly cut bangs with your digits as you stared at your reflection in the mirror. some of the ends of your hair tickled just below your eyes but it wasn't that bad.

“did i cut it too short? is it choppy?” you asked, now facing the camera, still playing with your hair.

if mingi had a soft spot for you, the way you looked right now just made the spot a whole lot bigger than it ever was. the way your features somehow turned softer than ever was enough to make him grin into his own camera, nodding his head in approval.

“you look great, plum! honestly, you look great in anything. of course, with my help.” he snickered at the way you playfully glared at him after hearing the last sentence.

“but seriously though,” he continued after a few more seconds of watching you fiddle with your hair, “you do look great in anything. don't ever forget that you are your own person, so whatever hairstyle or fashion you choose, if it makes you happy, then that's all that matters, plum.” he said.

in the middle of his brief pep talk, mingi failed to notice the slight pinkish tint making its way on your cheeks. you stared at your reflection one last time, and then, grinned. because he was right. you look good, no, you look great! with or without bangs, with a fashion choice that you always wanted to try or something you were comfortable with, you look great. it makes you happy.

it makes you… well, you.

and you have mingi, your peach, to hype you up. and you do the same to the taller boy in return.

“thank you for accompanying me, peach. you know how much of a mess i could be.” you said, smiling softly at the way mingi scoffed in a playful manner.

“you're my ride or die, no matter how annoying you could be-”

“hey!”

“i'm always here for you, plum.”

his words melted the sulky pout on your lips away, expression now softening up as the male let out a yawn with a rub of his eyes. checking the time, you released a gasp at how late it already was.

“go to sleep, peach.” you said, now cleaning up your dresser.

“i will. oh and i'm gonna take you out to that bubble tea place you've been mentioning since last week later during the day. think of it as a reward for being so brave. so don't oversleep, i'm picking you up in the morning.” mingi chuckled, winking into the camera upon seeing the surprised look on your face.

“we both know that you'll drag me out of bed anyway.” you retorted.

with that, the both of you shared a brief laugh before bidding each other goodnight, mingi letting you hang up instead. smiling to himself, he got up from the bed to switch off the lights, yet again diving into his blankets quickly for warmth, and made himself comfortable.

slowly, sleep started to overcome his senses with the thought of buying you more plums on the way home after your little hang out tomorrow in his mind.

a/n: this was obviously inspired by me cutting my bangs a couple nights ago but it's just... softer. my experience was just full of me having multiple breakdowns 😗✌️ anyways, happy reading! ✨💖

[enmy-writes]

Baby Avenger

Summary: (Y/N) is one of the youngest avenger members and some government officials repeatedly let her know of “her position.” So, she lets them know exactly what her position is.

Word Count: 2100

Fandom: MCU Avengers

Pairing: Avengers x Reader

Genre: Fluff, soft, slight angst and sadness, & family love.

Rated: 18+

Content Warnings: profanity, death, abandonment, bullying, this is my first ever post of any fanfiction ever so it’s probably bad

**** This is my first ever imagine that I have ever finished and published. Please give me feedback and let me know what else I should write! I’m very excited and nervous so please let me know if you enjoyed this :) I’m thinking of making this Y/N character into a little “Baby Avenger” one-shot series, so let me know your thoughts ****

 _____________________________________________________________

Baby Avenger.

Baby Avenger.

Baby. Avenger.

 In her head, her stomping can be heard throughout the whole Compound and all of its residents and guests can hear her anger. They know she’s going right to the meeting room; not the team meeting room, but the meeting room they use when they have special guests in for a meeting.

The new government officials who are now “in charge” of the Avengers since The Snap Part 2 were in for the day to go over the general plans that the Avengers have been coming up with. They’re nicer than those in charge of the group from the Accords, but in no way were they nice to majority of the group as a whole.

(Y/N) (L/N) happens to be the second to youngest member on the team coming in at an age of 18, second only to her best friend Peter Parker

(Y/N) is an orphan, the typical origin story of any superhero. Her parents spent their last minutes pushing her out of their burning house in rural Pennsylvania. Actually, it was her father who got her out of the flames and by their fishpond 100 meters from the house. Her mother was inside, trapped under a steal beam in the basement.

(Y/N)’s mother was a scientist who worked in secret in a little band of scientists who tried to accomplish their own small victories in testing the alterations and limits of humans. The goal of these scientists is to stay out of sight of the CIA, FBI, S.H.I.E.L.D., and other government agencies. Most of them are left alone and those who get found are either immediately sent to a high security prison or recruited to continue their experiments for a certain country/agency.

(Y/N)’s mother decided to give herself her treatment she was working on instead of potentially kidnapping someone in the everyone-knows-everything kind of town that they had been living in. Her experiment and life studies were all in trying to find a way to unlock the rest of the human brain so that more than that small percentage is being used at a time. It has been hypothesized that humans could do a lot if their brains just used itself more.

The only problem is when she gave the treatment to herself, she was unknowingly pregnant, and the treatment attached onto that small lifeform instead of her own. She created a super baby.

No one knew the exact answer to what is on the other side of that tunnel of science. No one knew what opening the mind could do, there were only theories to support ideas. Plenty of scientific evidence, but it meant nothing with no legit proof.

Well, turns out that those on the team of “you will gain the ability to read minds and shit unlike any human” were the correct guessers.

(Y/N) can read others’ minds, move things with her mind, slow down time in her mind to be able to successfully breakdown a situation and perform the best possible reaction to anything that comes her way. Oh, and the color spectrum is broader for her, allowing her to see a significantly more amount of colors than a normal human (including seeing the aura’s and heat that people give off. Very useful in the few missions she goes on.).

But her parents are dead.

After setting small (Y/N) down, her father ran back in to save the love of his life. Or, well, that’s what the towns’ people say to romanticize the situation. A brave man trying to save his family.

In the end, her father had shaken his head, laughing at the moment like a mad man with tears running down his face. He pulled (Y/N) in for the tightest hug that he had ever given the girl—which is tight considering how close the two really were. They were just like two peas in a pod, the light of each other’s lives, basically soulmates.

But love makes you do crazy things.

“You listen to me, (Y/N).” He gripped her face in a painful grip, cheeks sure to be bruised later. “I will always love you. Don’t doubt that, baby girl, okay? I love you so so so so much” By this time, tears are pouring off his face, the neon flames coming from the house reflecting off his wet face. “Mommy… mommy just needs me now, baby. I need mommy, too. We love you so much.”

It had confused her, his words. Nothing could prepare her to watch her father run back into the house, leaving her by the pond with nothing but a small bag of little family things like pictures, little stupid gifts, and a notebook she had stolen from her mom’s bookshelf one day.

Her mother’s grandfather had been friends with Howard Stark, both science men having been in the same circle of famous inventors since before WWII. While neither her mother nor father personally knew his son, Tony, he was still listed as the godfather to the child. With no close friends allowed in their secret circle, old bonds and pacts that her grandfather had with the older Stark led to a blind trust in the man.

Tony Stark had agreed to be the godfather during a one-week bender in his 30s, and when he was yelled at about it, he chose to just keep it there because “the chances of this happening is very slim.”

But here we are, Baby Avenger.

The officials who are here now actually were the same people that used to do check-ins and such with them pre-Accords, so they knew the team better than any government official save for the rare union that the team members may have with government officials. (Y/N) randomly has one with the Queen of England (she did a favor for Her Majesty once, and now they have tea every third Thursday of every month).

They knew that Tony suffered from panic attacks, and they knew Steve was going through a never ending loop of an existential crisis, and that Bucky will most likely always be having an identity crisis, and that Sam cries to sleep a lot around a certain time of year that renders him almost useless in his sleep deprived state he puts himself into. They know EVERYTHING vulnerable about the team.

So, that means they know how when she first got to the team and to Tony that she wouldn’t speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary. It took her almost a year to be able to speak more than a sentence to every person she was around. No one was too upset, though, Tony was trying to figure out how to save himself and rebrand his whole legacy and the Avengers weren’t really a family family yet like they are now. (Y/N)’s shyness made it much easier on the adults to figure out their stressful situations.

The officials, though, never got why she wouldn’t speak to them. They actually pushed her progress back more and more with taunts and comments such as “Oh, the baby can’t speak?” or a “Get your phone out! She’s about to say her first words!” every time she did go to say something.

Tony soon got fed up with it and filed a lawsuit against them which threatened their agency enough to pull them out and let a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent be a liaison for them. After their presence was rid of, (Y/N) grew exponentially with her new family. She was still home schooled, but now she had Peter Parker as a friend and world geniuses as her teachers. She was an only child, but now she’s a big sister to Morgan and has plenty of people on the team that are dubbed her siblings (since they don’t act their age majority of the time to be considered aunts and uncles).

While she’s trained to fight, (Y/N) doesn’t go out on the field much unless they need her brain or her extended vision. She likes to remain behind the computer screen and help that way. She’s invented a way to make prosthetics like Bucky’s become more available to the general public and has started a school/home that’s three miles from the Compound for orphaned kids, mutants, super kids, and those who aren’t accepted where they come from.

In conclusion, (Y/N) is 18 and not useless in any way, shape, or form.

So why, why, do these absolute short dick idiots decide that they can come into here, her home, and push her around like she hasn’t contributed more to the Earth and society in the short 18 years than their middle-aged asses?

Eyes narrowed and seeing red, she stomps her way down the last hall, shoving herself into the door of the meeting room and throwing it open.

The team stays unfazed, knowing she’d show up pissed at some point. The officials, though, jump in their seat and turn to look at her.

It wasn’t the biggest meeting, the original Avengers plus Bucky, Sam, and Wanda sit around the table. Though, Rocket and Groot are here sitting along the back wall, looking bored as hell. Thor must have drug them along.

Fists clenched, (Y/N) narrows her eyes more. She’s been here since the first attack. Sure, she didn’t fight since she was like, 8 or so, but she was in charge of her man-behind-the-computer work. She’s been a part of the team since the beginning, and these assholes are too big of pricks to acknowledge that.

That’s what’s pissing the girl off. This could have been a meeting for every one of the fighters of the team, which she wouldn’t go to because that’s not her role. This meeting, though, was scheduled as “Originals plus the newly appointed leaders only.” She’s an original.

SHE IS AN ORIGINAL.

SHE. IS. AN. OG.

AND YET, they remained in telling her she wasn’t invited because “The Baby Avenger doesn’t need to join big kid conversation.”

She locked eyes with her adopted father and her best friend, aka Peter Parker, aka the only reason she knew this meeting was still being held.

Poor, lovely Peter. He grew confused when his best friend wasn’t sitting in between Mr. Stark and him for the meeting, especially when the officials referred to the meeting as they did. He was just there to take notes for Mr. Stark, not that the man wouldn’t remember it all. Pepper thought it’d be a good idea if Tony had written evidence to anything said in these meetings so that he wouldn’t be pouring statements out of his ass without proof, and poor, lovely Peter got elected to take such notes.

When he noticed you weren’t there, he had sent you a text asking where you were and that your drink that he brought you was right next to him.

“(Y/N)! It is so great to see you, my wonderful flower.” Thick arms wrapped around her as a golden man squeezed her tight to him. Thor and (Y/N) had a special relationship. They’re always close and do the most innocent of tasks together like flower crowns, step-by-step painting classes, and making those Tik Tok crocheted blankets made with that big yarn. He even had taken her to Asgard (back when it was a planet) for a royal ball where she was the guest of honor. They’re just soft together.

Though, rage blocked that softness that normally occurs between the two. Pushing off of him, she points her finger at the men in the front. The officials look like they’ve seen the devil and all of Hell and (Y/N) can see the fear pouring off of them.

“Let’s get this clear,” she says as she slowly stalks her way up to them. “I am an Avenger. I am an original Avenger. I know about 3,000 ways to kill you in this room at this very moment with anything. I drink tea with the fucking Queen on Thursdays, and I’ve created a better orphanage/school system in 2 years than this country has in the 250 years it’s been around. Don’t you EVER call me a fucking baby again, you fucking hear me?”

By this point, she’s right up in their faces, her glare unwavering and them sweating. The silence in the room was great and seemed to go on forever. The team held their breaths, some trying not to laugh and some scared of backlash that might be trust upon the girl.

With one last eye narrow (you could blindfold her with toothpicks at this point), she whips around and walks back to Thor, placing herself sideways on his lap and relaxing into his hold. Peter passes her (Drink Order) down the table, and (Y/N) takes it.

Clint, Bucky, and Sam try and hide their laughter when the meeting starts again as they look at their long-time teammate cradled and curled up in Thor’s arms, head on his shoulder and under his chin as she sips her drink with an angry look in her eyes and a pout on her face.

All wrapped up like a baby.

[needdatbag]

Drinking You/II

Notes: Soooo....Here’s part 2..Thanx for the notes guyssss <3 ♥

Summary: You encounter a stranger on your way back from the grocery shop and everything about him pulls you in.

Pairings: Eren Yeager x Reader; Various pairings eventually

Warnings: NSFW(not today tho); mentions of smoking. 

>

Part II

’’Kid….Am I not interesting enough for your small, forgetful brain?’’ asked Levi from his desk, his grey eyes expressing the dissatisfaction he had about your mistake.

THE FILE. The Eren Yeager file. The file he stole from your bag after he finished...well...screwing you. To say that you were upset about the fact that you were used as a mere excuse for theft was an understatement. You were pissed as hell.

But your boss came first, as his death glare made you snap out of your one sided grudge with the memory of the charming terrorist you encountered. It was definitely wrong and probably a bad move but you couldn’t tell Levi what happened. So….you lied.

’’For the 27th time, I am so sorry that I ‘accidentally’ threw an important file into the shredder..I was cleaning my desk and I wasn’t paying attention.’’ you sounded honest but a little mechanical as you said the same excuse for awhile now.

Levi raised one of his brows at your nonchalance but sighed and said:

’’At least you didn't lose it. That would have been a big ass problem.’’

You clenched your fist behind your back. This was not ending well for you.

’’Please..I’m not that idiotic.’’ somehow your tone didn’t betray you but a small voice in your mind retorted immediately, ‘You are more than idiotic and you’re definetley screwed.’. You gulped.

A soft knock interrupted the beginning of your inner mental breakdown. Armin entered Levi’s office carrying a stack of files in one arm and holding what looked like a coffee cup in the other. He placed the files on Levi’s desk and handed him the cup. You suddenly blurted out your first thought.

’’But you don’t drink coffee.’’

Levi’s death glare almost made you take a step back. Well, maybe Eren Yeager took more than the file...he stole your brain too as you suddenly find yourself incapable of thinking. You want to slap a hand over your mouth. What the hell was wrong with you lately?

Armin watched you curiously for a moment. You feared his intuition, he was too sharp sometimes and that made you anxious in the current situation, but you tried to play it off anyway.

’’Ahem, yes, I heard it from Mrs. Zoe? Ha, am I wrong ?’’ you laughed awkwardly at the end of your sentence.

Armin shook his head, his short blonde hair hitting his face in the process. ’’That is right. As expected of you, Y/N, your mind always picks up the smallest details. The Captain drinks tea. I got a few extra cups to go, just 10 minutes ago. You can help yourself from the kitchen...Though I’m pretty sure you love coffee more.’’ he said while giving you a kind, small smile. You smiled back trying not to break eye contact.

‘You might be my best friend’s soulmate.’

You cringed internally. Not because you didn't find Armin attractive, because you thought the boy could even model if he wanted to, but because of what happened later after Eren said that phrase. You shook your head trying to banish the image of a long haired, 6ft man on top of your naked body. ‘Not the time, not the time.’

You wondered what Armin would think about the fact that you got to meet his best friend before he did. As you found out today, turns out they have not met in more than a year. You felt guilty for keeping your mouth shut. But it seemed like the best course of action. You needed to act solo for a while.

In a safe way, of course.

Levi motioned for Armin to leave but as he got closer to the door you saw his eyes discreetly peering at your neck and then at your face. Your hair was covering most of your hickeys but Armin might have noticed something anyway.

Once he left the room, Levi got up from his seat and approached the window.

He was wearing a plain white dress shirt and black pants with a pair of dark brown leather shoes. He was not going on the field today, you could tell that much because of his outfit. He was in his thirties now but his looks still caused many casualties between the female officers, especially the MPs who were more than enthusiastic when Levi passed them by. He was one of the best at his job and his handsome face was obviously a bonus.

You always said it was the mix between his good looks and his cold attitude that was pulling people in, but he was far from an unfeeling person. He usually cared too much about everything. Seeming distant was just his way of preserving himself. People were impressed just by hearing stories about him. But most of them had no idea how much he suffered. You knew. Not that he liked that. He never liked the fact that fate seemed to always make you meet again and again.

The first time, as his student when he was teaching in highschool. The second time as his blind date, Hange’s courtesy. The third time as the new member of his team, fate’s courtesy this time.

Each time you look at him you remember how selfish you’ve always been. You hate the thought but you know and can’t deny the fact that one way or another you always became a burden for the man sitting right across you. Right from the start.

----------------------------------------------------------------------- ’’Sir, is she worth it?’’ an eighteen years old you asked a younger Levi who was just exiting through the school’s gates. As he whipped his head back to match the voice to the person, his stern look softened just a bit. It was late and you were supposed to be home long ago. Instead you were only leaving now, a bag full of books in your right hand. You always stayed in the library until the school closed. You didn’t want to go home anyway.

’’That’s not an ideal question to ask about your sister, is it, brat?’’

You started laughing. He knew better than to refer to his fiance as your sister. You hated the bitch and there was no bond whatsoever between the two of you. She was just the awful daughter of the amazing woman who took you in after your parents kicked you out.

’’Can you give me a ride home, sir? I am afraid my frail arms are unable to carry these books until I reach the nearest bus stop.’’ you said in a dramatic tone while Levi just massaged his temples out of frustration but made a gesture towards his car anyway.

You smiled at him as you entered the car. He was driving in silence, without any radio music in the background, without any small talk. You wanted to tell him so many things, you wanted to express your indignation regarding the fact that your ‘sister’ was cheating on him and using him as an alibi so her mother won’t ever suspect she’s dating one of the biggest drug dealers in the region, you wanted to complain about the fact that he wasted his good heart on someone who wronged him before, you wanted to ask him why was he clinging to unhappiness so desperately. You could never understand. Even as you watched as the road light travelled on his face while he drove, you could only think about how well he managed to hide his pain. People didn’t notice that he was alone most of the time. Or that he rarely smiled.

It made you sad, it made you think of a part of yourself. Except you constantly fought for your right at happiness even if sadness never left your side. No matter how annoying that made you, you still kept going. But he didn’t even seem like he tried. He looked like the loneliest person on earth and he hid it so well that if you said what you thought out loud, people would just think you're looking into it too much.

You reached your house and his car stopped. Somehow, only now you noticed the pleasant smell inside the car. It smelled like fruity tea-bags which you assumed came from a spare ’stash’ he had somewhere around. You smiled. He always drinks tea during the breaks. It makes him look so refined too. Without any intention you giggled. He noticed and raised a brow, asking:

’’What makes you so happy that you’re hesitating to get out of my car? Hm? Move it, you didn’t even had dinner yet.’’

You turned your whole body towards him while you spoke in an excited manner.

’’I was thinking about you, sir. The way you enjoy your tea during breaks and how that’s the most happy I saw you since I came to this school.’’

With a confused look on his face he tilted his head but let you speak nonetheless. Your voice became softer while you looked down, your hair falling over your face.

’’You see, I believe that happiness can only come from being honest with yourself. Lie to the world, lie to people but if you lie to yourself you’ll just tint your soul to the point even the tea you love so much won’t taste the same anymore.’’

Levi’s eyes widened slightly. He knew you were outspoken and that sometimes you caused trouble because you meddled in things that were none of your business and you spoke way too much but he couldn’t deny the way you arranged your words. He knew you had a kind heart and that you were trying to reach his. He almost wanted to smile. ‘Stupid kid.’

He didn't say anything as you exited the car but watched you until you entered the house. You were right, he knew he was cheated on, he knew he was used but there was another side to his truth too. He used the idea of a fiance to run away from both his past and future.

But looking at you who had nothing but wanted everything, he thought that maybe, just maybe...he became a coward. And he always hated cowards.

As you watched him drive away, that was the last time you met him as a teacher, as he would lose his job in two weeks due to murder acusations regarding his fiance. Your ‘sister’.

You’d hear from your classmates how a tall, blonde detective cuffed him in front of the whole school while he put up a fight.

Then he would be gone and you wouldn't hear anything about him for a few years. -------------------------------------------------

’’So, care to explain why you are so distracted today?’’ he was gazing outside the window but you couldn’t help notice the way his voice was softer now that you were alone again.

’’I was unable to rest well last night, however you don’t need to worry, sir. I’ll snap back as soon as I drink some coffee, just as Armin suggested.’’

Another lie. You actually slept like a baby because you were so exhausted. The bed felt so warm and the man next to you smelt so good that you felt like you were floating. Only your dumb ass could sleep so relaxed next to a criminal.

You pondered before asking the next question.

’’What type of person used to be.....Eren Yeager?’’

His name sounded so different from your mouth or maybe that was your own perception. You recognised a little stinginess in your tone.

You pulled out your phone and started a voice recording. You were allowed to do so when it came to declarations. You were a profiler afterall. You needed to go over conversations and details, multiple times to complete your work.

Levi turned away from the window and took a few steps closer to you. His expression looked indifferent but you knew better. There was regret mixed in his feelings.

’’That brat wasn’t the most talented nor the smartest agent around, I actually often thought he was more of an idiot than most people I knew..’’

You stopped yourself from laughing. ’Unprofessional...Don’t do it. Let him continue.’

’’He was too much of a hot head for his own good but he listened to my orders and tried to look at things from a more mature perspective, perhaps we might have asked too much from him. Our department was in trouble and we lost more people than you could count, in a very short amount of time. We had an operation that lasted for more than 2 years. Eren was the key to that operation. Everything circled around him. We wanted to find answers so badly, we sacrificed so much that we never saw the fact that we had spies among us and the whole operation became more than a national issue. You said you read the file before you shredded it, right? I also mentioned it in the meeting before. You know what’s the issue I’m talking about, right?’’

Your breathing becomes more alert and a bitter feeling takes over your heart. Memories from your distant childhood try to resurface but you push them away. The past always catches up.

Your voice becomes more serious when you answer.

’’After 14 years of peace we might have another war with the neighbour nation, Marley, is that right?’’

Silence fills the room as Levi only nods. He seems lost in his own mind for a while and you can only guess what he might be thinking about. He was a soldier back then and this whole deal pissed him off.

’’Eren betrayed us. No warning, just a vague explanation. He almost wiped out their whole capital, one of the biggest cities in Marley, he killed VERY important people and now we are threatened left and right. This dumbass is very close to starting the biggest international conflict this country ever faced. Can’t believe that brat had the nerve to come back and now he’s under our jurisdiction again. We have to catch him and fast. Everyone you’ll ask will say he changed, but I always knew he had it in him. He might just destroy the world...no one can cage him. He’s that type of monster.’’

Your body suddenly felt numb, a weird sense of fear trying to take over you. His face, his expressions, everything flashed in your mind repeatedly, pieces of the conversation you had, the way he touched you, the note he left. For the first time in a very long time, you felt lost in translation.

Things were not adding up. Someone was wrong here. Something was definitely missing. You paused the recording and exhaled while rubbing your temples.

’’This should not be handled by a departament full of people that know him. Someone must really want to bury the Survey unit in shit.’’

A humourless laugh escaped your mouth.

’’Sorry Levi, you always hated when I cursed. Forgot about that.’’  you said, a sad look plastered on your face remembering many of the arguments you two had mostly because of you.

He frowned and took another step closer to you, unconsciously wanting to pat your head but you were already heading for the door. He snapped out of it and looked at his hand. He got carried away for a second, wanting to comfort you.

’’I guess you’ll always have a soft spot for me, sir...but we shouldn’t be very comfortable around each other. You were always the better man and I was always the wicked little girl.’’

’’L/N..’’

You exited his office. ‘Unfortunately, I’m still the same.’ you thought while walking to your desk and getting ready to work on the details of some cases that became piled up in the last week.

As you sat down and flipped through various lists of criminals, you tried to silence your mind. Sometimes your mental state was just like a furious sea storm. You have the tendency to drown in your own dark and poisonous thoughts until your identity becomes foggy. But work was a great distraction and thankfully...you sure had plenty of it. So you rolled up your sleeves, took a sip of the coffee Armin put on your desk (somehow the fact that he did sweet gestures like this made you very warm inside) and started working on your reports ignoring intentionally a certain criminal whose face you really didn’t wanna see again today, not on a screen, not printed...you'll deal with the Yeager case at home. You had to catch up on your work anyway.

Right? You weren’t running away or anything...right?

People around you became colorful shadows that moved around exiting or entering the headquarters while you were scribbling furiously details about different cases. When your phone rang, an hour before the end of your shift, you almost jumped out of your chair. You looked around and realised everyone was out and you were the only one left. Probably investigating, or some kind of emergency.

On the screen of your phone Jean’s face was popping up with the incoming call. When he first gave you his contact number he took a selfie of himself because he thought he looked ‘cool’ in that moment and you ‘had to have his handsomeness on your phone’, his words not yours. You rolled your eyes at the memory.

’’ ‘Sup Kirschtein? I’m busy and I swear to God if you call me ‘cause you're bored while being on some stakeout I will…’’ He burst into laughter and answered: ’’Calm down Y/N, I only did that like five or six times and you might’ve even liked it, don’t lie to me now.’’ he said in a charming yet joking voice and you couldn’t help but smile. He was one of the people who could easily put you in a good mood. ’’Wanna get out to get some ‘’fresh air’’ on the roof? It turns out we sorted out what we had to do sooner than expected….well sooner than I thought. That damn Floch will kill me one day...His attitude might just get us both killed.’’

Of course he wanted to smoke and complain about his partner, Floch. Jean didn’t seem like the type to think a lot, especially when you first got to meet him. He’s loud, a little bit of a bragger and has lots of opinions on anything but he was an exceptionally capable man in times of crises. You witnessed that a few times but you also heard it from Sasha: ’’Marco, Jean’s ex-partner, always said that Jean was the one most capable of leading us out of trouble and Marco’s intuition about people was as good as my instincts about danger. He knew what he was saying.’’

When you reached the roof, Jean was already smoking while looking at the red sky. The sun was almost gone. He looked lost in thought, barely noticing you until he heard the sound of your lighter. You took a long puff and exhaled. For some reason you felt exhausted and even if the silence somehow pleased you, it felt unlike Jean. He always liked to talk a lot around you, your smoking breaks being full of gossiping. It was almost always the two of you, given the fact that you and him were the only smokers in the department. You had a hunch that Armin smoked too but only when he was truly bothered by something, Connie tried it once and said he liked it but you knew he lied, Sasha said she didn't like the taste(did not surprise you at all there) and Mikasa thought it was stupid and unhealthy and you honestly agreed.

’’Why do you smoke, Jean?’’ you asked out of the blue. You realised you never asked him that. For some reason the image of Eren staring at you while holding his pack of cigarettes in one hand flashed in your mind. You took another inhale of smoke trying to push the image away. Jean didn’t respond immediately but when his eyes fixed on the cigarette he was holding.

’’Marco used to smoke here. It was so unlike him. He really didn’t seem like the type and he tried to hide it all the time...he was even carrying perfume around.’’ he said and let out a short bitter laugh. For some reason he placed a hand on his face trying to hide his expression. ’’I started smoking after he died. I guess..well fuck...I miss being with my friend. When I’m holding this cigarette it feels as if he’s still here. As if I could …’’ he hesitated before continuing,’’....ask him for advice about what I should do..’’

You got closer to him and bumped your shoulder into his in a friendly manner. He dropped his hand from his face and looked at you. You could see he was emotionally drained but you flashed him a cheerful smile even though you felt like shit as well. You looked up at the now, darker sky and said in a loud voice:

’’By smoking this cigarette I dare ask the amazing Marco Bott from heaven to lend me some of his wisdom. Please let me give our friend here a good answer to the question troubling his, not so young anymore, soul.’’

’’I’m only a year older than you, Y/N.’’ he said, his voice a little amused now. You rolled your eyes.

’’You’re an old soul, Jean. My shift will be over soon so spit it out...What’s bothering yo-’’

’’Did you study Eren’s file?’’ he asked out of the blue. You sighed and took another cigarette out and placed it in your mouth.

’’Not yet. Tonight I plan on looking over it. Why? Wanna tell me something about him that might help me in writing his profile?’’

Jean shook his head and took a puff out of his cigarette.

’’Once you look over it, after you read our statements  about him that are also included there, before writing any report, I want you to tell me something that might help me.’’ you raised a brow in confusion but he wasn’t looking at you anymore. He was staring straight ahead at the city covered in the red light of the sunset.

’’Who do you think will hesitate when shooting? Us or Eren ?’’

You ran a hand through your hair and looked at the city too. As the night approached, it suddenly looked more dangerous.

‘Who indeed…?’ . . . . . Before leaving you stopped by Hange’s office to drop some of the work you completed for the day. Moblit, her assistant, the guy who you knew for a fact was the only one besides Levi to be able to control your workaholic Director, was trying to force feed her some pizza while she insisted that she had to look over some DNA samples found at a random crime scene.

’’M’am, I know you worked in the lab for most of your life but now you should be dealing only with the work Erwin had to do when he had your position. He didn't try to be in ten places at once! Come on, eat this slice. You didn't eat all day! Do I really have to message Levi right now? You know he always gets pissed when you act like this.’’

When Hange noticed you at the door she took the opportunity and sprinted to the lab leaving a stressed Moblit behind who was still holding a pizza slice in his right hand staring at you in disbelief . Poor man. You placed your work on Hange’s desk and eyed Moblit and then the pizza. You smiled like a cunning, old, hungry dog.

’’I’ll call The Captain for you if you give me two slices of that pizza. Deal?’’ Moblit sighed. ’’Deal.’’

So there you were now, walking out of the building towards your car, while happily munching on your pizza slice. You planned on eating the other one at home, later, if you’d get hungry while working late. You entered your car and threw your stuff on the passenger seat. You started the engine and drove home while listening to the radio. Weirdly enough there was a radio podcast about astrology. You found it weird because this type of podcast would usually be broadcast in the morning. When you heard your zodiac sign being mentioned you couldn’t help but pay a little attention. You were curious afterall and maybe some luck was ahead of you. ’You never know.’

’’As I said John, the (your zodiac) sign should really be careful about what they say and do...The ruler of divine punishment, Jupiter seems to have entered a rare conjunction. The past is catching up to them and it looks like they can’t run away from certain confrontations anymore. It could be with someone else or maybe with themselves. Also, it would be especially good to avoid Fire Signs around this time for (your zodiac), as all three, Aries, Leo and Sagittarius are chaos bringers in this Jupiter conjunction. So you heard me? Don’t try to dig into anything too much these days...You might just bury yourself.’’

You started laughing.

’’Pfft, yeah right... What a load of crap.’’ you said displeased as you turn off the radio.

You finally reach home. After you park and lock your car you enter your apartment building and as always you take the elevator, too lazy to drag your tired body on the stairs. You only think about soaking yourself in a warm bath as soon as possible. You might even use the new bubble bath stuff you got last week. ’Yeah, I think I will do just that. My body aches everywhere anyway, I need some relaxation.’

So immediately after you unlocked your door, you dropped your stuff, and went straight to the bathroom to turn on the warm water. Hell, you might’ve even skipped on the way as you were so happy to finally just have a moment of forgetting everything about anything and just indulge in the warmth and the nice smell of a warm bath.

So happy that you didn’t even bother to turn on the light in the living room.

Because if you did, you would have noticed Eren Yeager, sitting on your couch with a gun by his side.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Preview:

You looked at Eren. You looked at the gun. You looked at the gun. You looked at Eren.

There were many things you wanted to say in that moment but strangely enough a rather unusual question was bothering you more than anything.

’’You never mentioned your birthday,’’ you said not believing you were actually asking this out of all things, ’’not that you forgot to mention things like your name or the fact that you’re right now, probably the most wanted criminal in the...world ...ha ha ....but who keeps track, am I right?’’ you laughed nervously.

’’My birthday..?’’ he asked while watching you suspiciously but calm at the same time. ’’Why?’’

You kept your distance. Your position was stiff and you couldn’t help but be surprised that he was right in front of you. In your house ...again...in less than 24h. Why in Isayama’s name was he here?

’’Nothing important really...Just something silly.’’ again, you let out a nervous laugh. You were in trouble and you didn’t have your fucking gun on you and your phone was in the bag.

Eren let out a sigh and shook his head.

’’Hm, shouldn’t you, miss profiler, know that about me already?’’ He placed his hands behind his head and leaned deeper on one of the back pillows. His position was relaxed but something told you to not risk going for the gun. It might even be a trap anyway.

’’March, 30.’’ he surprisingly answered after a short silence.

‘March...Weren’t Pisces in March? Nah, this man ain’t no Pisces...Too unhinged...What’s next...Oh.’ you closed your eyes in frustration, ’... Aries.’

’’Great, freaking Fire Sign. Of course you are.'’

You weren’t sure if you should listen to that type of radio podcast more often or 

never again.

when you find out your signs are not the greatest match ever 

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Hello yes I love the Sparation AU but I also need these two boys to be reunited please and thank you.

This is my take on how Impulse and Skizzleman might be reunited in the Separation AU! Doesn’t have to be canon to the AU, we just have to see these guys finally happy again :)

That being said, I am super proud of the way this turned out :D

…

  Impulse follows Xisuma and the small group of Hermits through the specially generated portal, his heart pounding in his chest and sweat dripping down his back. This is the first time EVER that easy inter-server travel has been possible, but Impulse isn’t nervous about it possibly going wrong. He’s nervous about their intended destination.

  The Hermits arrive on the Legacy server and are immediately greeted by a small group of Legates, led by Logicalgeekboy. “Hi, Xisuma!” he says warmly. “Hey, everybody. Welcome to Legacy.” 

  As the groups exchange pleasantries, Impulse wanders off through the nearby village, his eyes searching for one person. He didn’t see the person in the crowd at the portal, so he knows he must be somewhere here. 

  Sure enough, he happens to glance upwards and catch sight of a figure emerging from a small cave just above him. 

  His heart stops. 

  Skizzleman starts coming down the hill before he looks up and spots someone he never thought he would ever see again.

  For what feels like hours, Impulse and Skizzleman stare at each other, frozen. 

  Then a pale smile breaks out on Impulse’s face. “Oh my god… Skizz…”

  “I-Impulse…?!” Skizzleman slowly approaches him, but stops a safe distance away, not quite able to believe his eyes. “Is it really you? H-How did you get here?”

  “I came over with some of the Hermitcraft people. Some kind of experimental inter-server travel portal thingy brought us over. Everyone else is at spawn but I… I just wanted to come and see you.”

  “Hermitcraft?”

  Impulse nods. “When I disappeared from our world, it was because I was being summoned to Hermitcraft. I’m a Hermit.” 

  “You’ve been on Hermitcraft this whole time?” Skizzleman stares at him. “And you never thought to come back?”

  “Of course I did!” Impulse’s voice rises. “I worked for WEEKS to find a way to go back to you! But I couldn’t. All of Xisuma’s admin powers had been spent bringing me to the server and there was no way he could either bring you there or send me back.”

  “Even if he could have sent you back, would you have asked him to?” Skizzleman challenges. 

  “Wh-What do you mean?”

  “I mean you were finally on a server with a load of amazing, talented people! Why would you want to come back to our crappy little world with one idiot who causes more problems than he solves?”

  Impulse stares at his best friend in shock. “Skizz, don’t say that! Given the choice, I would’ve come back to you!”

  “Why, because I had nobody else?” snaps Skizzleman.

  “No, because you were my brother and I loved you. I still do. It… It tears me up inside when I think about the horrible stuff I put you through.”

  Skizzleman hesitates, seeing the guilt-ridden look on Impulse’s face. “Yeah, I bet. You never had a bad bone in your body. I can just picture you crying yourself to sleep at night cuz I wasn’t there to tuck you in.”

  “Hey…!” Impulse complains mildly. “You stopped tucking me in years before I disappeared, pal.”

  Skizzleman laughs softly, which makes Impulse smile. He hasn’t heard that laugh in so long. 

  “Skizz, what happened to you after I left?” he asks quietly. “How did you end up in Legacy?”

  After a moment, Skizzleman lets out a long breath. “I moved away from our house after about a week. You were everywhere there, from the crops you planted to the whole building itself. I built a little shack next to the spot you vanished from but I moved from there as well after less than a month. It just became way too painful. I packed up all my stuff and just wandered around for a while until I got to a village. I ended up just settling down there. I know I used to make fun of villagers and call them dumb but… I dunno, I felt a lot less lonely living with them.”

  “Did you stay there permanently?” asks Impulse.

  Skizzleman nods. “I stayed there until the world corrupted and I got flung into the void.”

  Impulse winces, unable and unwilling to imagine how painful and terrifying that must have been. 

  “I dunno how long I was in there for. Time passes differently in the void. It might’ve been a couple hours or a couple months, I really don’t know. Eventually, I was pulled out by Logic, who took me to the brand new Legacy world. But you know, six years communicating with nobody except villages who don’t have a lot of vocal talent… took a real toll on me. I couldn’t speak properly anymore; I just kept making noises and offering people emeralds. I still remember how confused I was to see Pearl’s expression the first time I tried to give her an emerald because she welcomed me to the server.”

  As Impulse stifles a laugh, he’s relieved to see Skizzleman chuckling too. “I can picture that, honestly.”

  “Well, what did you expect?” says Skizzleman amusedly. “That was all I could remember how to do; my social skills had been completely destroyed by my isolation. Even now, I’m not as chatty and carefree in social interaction as I used to be.”

  Impulse’s smile falls. “I can’t imagine spending all that time in a world with nobody else around. I remember starting to feel a little daffy myself in that world after a long time, and there were TWO of us there.”

  “Yeah…” Skizzleman hesitates. “Honestly, though, the worst part was the trauma left over from losing you. I had so many panic attacks in the first few months, whenever I got reminded of you. It slowly got better after a long while but after I joined Legacy, it got so much worse again. Everything my new friends did reminded me of you, from their building styles to just the way they laughed when I attempted a joke. The first few weeks were absolute torture. I couldn’t sleep because I got nightmares, I couldn’t eat because I had no appetite, I couldn’t build because everything I saw reminded me of you. Then about two months after I joined Legacy, I… I had a complete breakdown.”

  A lump rises in Impulse’s throat. “What happened…?”

  Skizzleman’s eyes glass over at the painful memory. “We… um… A few of us decided to do some PVP. I was starting to feel better so I decided to join in. It was me and Pearl vs Logic and Sausage. Any weapons allowed. I thought I would be okay, and I totally would have been. I just didn’t realise that Logical had spectral arrows.”

  As Skizzleman pauses, Impulse abruptly realises exactly what happened. “Oh no…”

  “Yeah. When I saw Pearl glowing just like you did before you vanished, I completely broke down, right in front of her, Logic, and Sausage. It was easily the worst panic attack I’d ever had; I was so gripped with panic that I was about to lose her the way I lost you. Logic told me later that he was terrified for me; he thought I was gonna die. And so did I, honestly.”

  “Oh my god, Skizz, I…” Impulse trails off. How is he supposed to finish that sentence? What can he possibly say to make this better? “I… I’m so sorry… This is all my fault…”

  “Impulse, I need you to know that I don’t resent you for having a good life on Hermitcraft,” says Skizzleman gently. “I spent a lot of time grieving for you but I really am glad you’ve got this great new life. The Hermits have given you the life we could never have back in our world, and I’m starting to get the same here on Legacy. So much has changed since you disappeared.” 

  Impulse can’t quite hold in a sniffle. “We’re not the same people we were all those years ago, are we?” 

  Skizzleman slowly shakes his head. “No, we’re not. What I went through in that world after you disappeared… will stay with me forever. Six years alone with nobody but the villagers to talk to did some real damage to my mental state. It’s only because of the other Legates and their patience and compassion for me that I’ve been able to start healing and get somewhat back to normal.”

  He pauses. “I guess the best way to sum it up is we both started in the same place but you continued to grow, whereas I got worse and had to get back to normal before I can actually get better. I’m still in the middle of the recovery process.”

  “I want to be part of your recovery,” says Impulse quietly, taking his best friend’s hand. “I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me most, but I can be here for you now. If… If you want me.”

  As he says that, he winces internally. Why would Skizzleman want him around? He is the cause of all Skizzleman’s current problems. Surely his presence would be far more of a hindrance than a help. He’s survived six years without Impulse; does he really want him around now?

  After a moment, Skizzleman’s eyes fill with tears and he nods. “Of course I want you around. You’re still my best friend and my brother, and we’ve got seven years of lost time to make up for.”

  Impulse can’t hold back the tears anymore. He grabs Skizzleman in a hug, burying his face in his best friend’s shoulder. Skizzleman hugs him back, clutching his best friend like his life depends on it. He can hardly remember the last time he hugged anyone like this, much less his oldest friend. Seven years of pain and separation seems to melt away as they relax in each other’s presence. 

  “Missed you, Dippledop,” Skizzleman whispers. 

  Impulse gives a wet laugh. He hasn’t heard that nickname in seven whole years. It’s music to his ears. 

  “I missed you too, Skizz.”

[maevemarethyu]

Unexpected (6/?)

(Not my GIF)

(This is my shitty border though. First try and all.)

You weren’t expecting it. Neither of you were.

That didn’t mean you weren’t happy with how it ended.

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fic.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any in this one? Sad Boi Hours, Firearms, A lot of dialogue from a lot of people.

“You haven’t heard from Frank? At all?” Karen worries over a cup of coffee the next day and you roll your eyes.

“Nope. I’ve tried calling him but, it goes straight to voicemail.” You sigh as you stare out the coffee shop window at the people passing by. “He’s fine though. I can feel it.”

“It’s not him we’re worried about.” Elektra snorts before reconciling her words. “Not that we’re particularly worried about which river they’re going to find Patrick in a few days from now.”

That brings a faint smile to your tired face. You doubt that your brother would actually kill Patrick. Frank had begun carving out a new life for himself here as and you knew he wouldn’t jeopardize it for the likes of Patrick Vaughn.

So, no, your brother wouldn’t kill him but, maiming wasn’t out of the question. A few broken bones wouldn’t lay too heavily on your conscience either.

Your phone goes off for the fifth time in as many minutes and you reach for it quickly.

“Ugh. Again? Who’re you texting that’s so important?” Elle groans, obviously slighted by the distraction. “This is the first time we’re seeing each other since you found out about Pat. We demand your undivided attention.”

“And you’ll get it.” You promise. “This is about my door needing to be fixed. Bucky asked me when I was free so he could get it done.”

The two women sat across from you share a look as you type out a response, laughing at the photo of Sam and Steve that was sent with it. It was abundantly clear the Captain America had no idea how to use a drill when you see him frustratedly trying to get it to turn on while Sam stands in the back, holding the battery in his hand, with a finger on his lips.

It was a comfort; knowing that the all mighty Avengers were just normal people.

“We’re calling him Bucky now?” Karen hums as she leers over the table. “And he’s offering to fix your door?”

You knew that tone and you knew what she was implying. For some reason it brings an irritated heat to your face.

Foggy had been implying the same things when you had called him last night and you weren’t sure how to broach the topic.

Sure, Bucky was a nice guy but, you knew he wasn’t over Claire and you definitely weren’t over Patrick no matter how much you wished you were. You couldn’t run away from fifteen years like he had and, just because everyone else was sick and tired of your previous relationship (which they had made abundantly clear in every call you made last night) you weren’t.

No. Your mind kept replaying all of the good times you had with your ex-husband. After what he had said to you yesterday, you wanted nothing more than to erase him from your mind but, it didn’t work that way.

Having Bucky, someone who was going through the same thing, helped immensely but, after he left last night and you were left alone with your thoughts, you crumbled. Your breakdown had almost been as bad as when you’d first met the super soldier. You were hurt and you wished your friends would stop telling you how much they hated the man you had been married to. It didn’t help. All it did was make you feel stupid and weak for not seeing the signs in the first place. They made you feel like shit every time they pointed out how poorly he treated you and they had no clue.

How do you tell your friends that? They were trying to be supportive but, it wasn’t the support you needed right now. Right now, you just needed someone to sit next to you and listen to you rant while watching cheesy movies and eating your favorite take out.

You needed Bucky as pathetic as that sounds.

“Yes. He’s fixing my door because Frank kicked it off of its hinges in a fit of rage last night.” You reply curtly when you realize you had been silent for an odd amount of time. “He should be at my place in a half hour so-“

“Okay, let’s get ready to go then.” Elektra cuts in. She’s pulling on her coat and throwing away your empty cups before you can protest. “What? I want to meet him and I’m sure Karen would too. Right Karen?”

She poses the sentence as a question but, you know it’s not. Her tone leaves no room for you to say no and you have to remind yourself that she was just trying to be there for you. The former assassin was still learning how to be someone’s friend and she often came off harsher than she meant to.

Forgoing a worded answer, Karen nods enthusiastically and you know you’re stuck. You knew that if you wanted to continue having a friendship with Bucky he would eventually have to meet your friends but, you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.

It wasn’t in Elektra’s nature to give you a choice though and you mentally resign yourself to it as you pull on your own coat and finish the muffin you had gotten for breakfast. The brunette smirks at you, knowing she’s won and Karen claps her hands giddily.

This wasn’t how you were expecting your day to go. You were hoping that you could go out to breakfast with your friends, go home, get your door fixed, and spend the rest of the day hanging out with Laysa and Bucky before collapsing back into bed so you weren’t dead on your feet tomorrow at work.

It would be your first day back since taking in the snow leopard cub and you had been counting down the days, now even more so.

Karen opens the door and you three make your exit onto the busy sidewalk. A cool breeze has you pulling your jacket tighter and you inhale the smell of the incoming fall season. The first day of October was quickly approaching and you hoped the changing of the seasons would help you adjust to the changes in your life.

“Let me just call Bucky to let him know that you guys are coming.” You voice when the thought pops into your mind that he might not want to meet your friends. He seemed okay with your brother but, that had been a whirlwind encounter that caught you both off guard. “I don’t want to spring this on him.”

Elektra purses her lips but shrugs instead of arguing.

When you look down at your phone, you’re shocked to see it already ringing with Bucky’s name being displayed on the screen. Once again a smile creeps onto your face at the sight as you press the answer button and bring the phone to your ear.

“Hey! I was just about to call. Is everything okay?” You chirp, signaling the girls to follow you as you begin the trek back to your house.

There’s a rumble on the other line and faint arguing that piques your curiosity and you’re trying to discern what’s being said when Bucky finally answers.

“Hey Doll.” He sounds out of breath and you have to wonder what has a super soldier like him breathing hard. “Everything’s fine. It’s just-“

“Y/N we wanna come over!” A voice that could only be Sam Wilson yells from the background, causing you to shake your head with a grin.

You hear James grumble something unintelligible before letting out a long sigh. “They want to meet you.”

“They being Sam and Steve?” You guess whilst biting your thumb, trying to hold back the peal of laughter that threatens to escape.

“Yes ma’am.” A much calmer voice comes through and you vaguely recognize it as Steve Rogers from yesterday’s call. His politeness is every bit what you would expect from America’s sweetheart.

“You’re free to say no.” Barnes cuts in. “Please say no.”

He was obviously in the same boat as you but, you weren’t throwing him a life vest anytime soon. If you go down. So does he.

“You can come on two conditions.” You hum and he groans. “One is that Steve never calls me ma’am again and two is whether or not you’re okay with meeting two of my friends that so rudely invited themselves.”

Karen sticks her tongue out at you childishly. When she does stuff like that it’s hard for you to picture her as the woman who stood up to Frank. The woman who shot an unarmed man all those years ago.

The thought suddenly strikes you that you and Foggy were the only people in your friend group that hasn’t committed murder.

You feel as though that should disturb you more than it actually does.

“Sam’s already on his bike.” Bucky’s deep chuckle snaps you out of your thoughts.

You bid him goodbye and find yourself walking with a bit more of a pep in your step. You didn’t want to think about why talking with the super soldier managed to dissipate your sour mood. You just accept it for what it was and continue walking.

“Was that a yes?” Karen coaxes whilst she loops her arm into yours, grabbing Elle as well.

Her excitement is palpable and you find yourself nodding. “You two are going to be meeting the ex-Winter Soldier, Captain America, and the Falcon.”

“Who wants to take bets on whether or not I get arrested?” Elle says it as a joke but, it opens a very real pit of anxiety in your stomach. Elektra had always been off most mainstream radars but, it was entirely possible that the Avengers know who she is.

Your blossoming mortification must show on your face because Karen swiftly elbows the brunette with a frown. “Why would you say that? No one’s getting arrested. Besides, its not as if you’re aren’t dating the best lawyer in New York City.”

Her words do little to quell the swelling storm in your gut but, you appreciate them nonetheless. Regardless, its too late to turn back when your home creeps into view, just in time for a trio of motorcycles to park in front of it.

None of the men are wearing helmets and you make a mental note to berate them later.

“That them?” Elle asks, feigning disinterest. She can pretend to not be apprehensive all she wants but, you can always tell when she’s lying. This is one of those times.

Meanwhile Karen is bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she wasn’t personally acquainted with several super humans, mutants, heroes, and villains.

Hearing your approach, Bucky turns to face you flashing an uneasy smile before opening his arms.

“Oh he’s hot as-“ You purposefully ignore the rest of Elektra’s sentence in favor of letting yourself be enveloped in James’ hug.

“Hey sweetheart. Sorry ‘bout this.” His voice is low in your ear and you have to fight the shiver that tries to run down your spine at the sound of it.

“Don’t you start apologizing.” You huff before reluctantly pulling away. “My girls are going to eat them alive.”

You wave over Karen and Elle brushing off their stunned stares as Bucky does the same.

“Bucky. This is Karen and Elle. Girls. This is Bucky.” While Elle hesitates to wave, Karen is grinning wide enough that it had you wondering if her cheeks hurt.

“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry it had to be under these conditions.” Elektra steps up when Karen blanks, shaking Bucky’s hand and nodding to the men behind him.

Captain America and the Falcon introduce themselves when James refuses to. Sam flashes you a mega watt smile that has you hiding a laugh behind a hand. Steve forgoes your offered hand and follows James’ suit, pulling you into a tight hug.

Steve’s mouth opens to say something but, is quickly cut off by Sam asking a question that makes your blood run cold.

“Hey, have we met before?” You don’t have to turn around to know he’s talking to Elle and you stiffen in Steve’s hold.

Peeling yourself away from the blond super soldier, you take your place next to Bucky and elbow him in his side.

Elektra shakes her head with a shrug. “I just have one of those faces-“

“Hey! Why don’t we head inside? I’ve gotta feed Laysa. You know how cranky she gets.” You cut in as you drag the brunet around your home and into the backyard. The back door was the only way in since Bucky nailed a few two by fours over the front door to keep it in place until he came back to fix it.

If Barnes notices your panic, he says nothing.

The back door unlocks with a click and you can hear Laysa as soon as the door opens. A smile creeps its way onto your face at the sound of mewling and, when you turn to face James, he’s wearing a matching grin.

You ask him to get her from the nursery while you get the bottle ready and he nods, motioning for the guys to follow him into your home.

“Smooth Kare.” Elle jokes when the blonde trips over the doorstep; obviously too entrance by the Falcon’s ass to pay attention to where she was walking.

“Shut up.” She hisses. “Can you blame me? I’ve never seen a group of men that good looking.”

“Karen.” You hum. “Super soldiers equal super hearing.”

Her face goes bright red and you do nothing stop the peal of laughter escaping your throat. It was a much-needed reprieve from the tension that had been tightening your muscles since stepping out of the coffee shop.

“Like Matt super hearing?” He worries, biting her lip and dutifully avoiding the office door as we pass by it.

That was a good question but, it wasn’t one you wanted the answer to anytime soon. For now you were walking the fine line of knowing heroes and vigilantes with no overlap. You wanted to keep a grasp on it for as long as you could. When lines blur, things get messy, and you had enough mess in your life as is.

“Who knows?” Elle sighs before taking a seat on your counter as you begin the process of heating up Laysa’s bottle. She seemed a bit too relaxed for a criminal who had almost been recognized and you absentmindedly wonder how long she could keep the act up. Elektra was the epitome of a strong woman but, everyone needed a place to crash. Matt was her place. Lord knows they earned each other.

The microwave beeping mixed with Karen’s hand waving in front of your face brings you back to reality.

“You okay?” She mouths as James and the others make their way into the kitchen. You wave off the question before taking the cub from James’ arms.

“That may be the coolest thing I’ve seen.” Sam grins and James rolls his eyes. “And I’ve seen a lot of cool things.”

“You do that often?” Steve’s eyes widen in fascination as Laysa eagerly latches onto the bottle. “Take in animals like that?”

“Y/N’s always looking to take work home. Before her it was the Macaws and before the Macaws it was-“ Elle trails off, snapping her fingers in frustration.

“Oh it was the Gharial baby with the nub leg.” Karen supplies while cooing over the cub. “Remember it bit Foggy and he had to get like five stitches? How’s he doing now?”

You remembered that night very well. More accurately, you remember Matt laughing his ass off when Foggy fainted at the sight of his own blood.

You loved that little reptile.

“He’s doing great now. Swims better than the rest of the clutch.” You reply, laughing when you hear Sam (not so quietly) asking Steve and Bucky if they knew what a Gharial was.

You choose to save the herpetology lesson for another time.

“Do you guys want anything to drink?” Elle asks, taking on the role of hostess while you’re indisposed and you shake your head before silently thanking her.

“I’m good, thanks. We better get started on the door.” James declines, petting the cub in your arm once more then walking out of the kitchen, toolbox in hand.

“You have fun with that Bonky. I’ll stay with the kitten.” You snort at the nickname Sam throws out and you file it into the back of your mind for later. “And Steve can’t figure out how the drill works so-“

The Captain flushes with a frown before grabbing the Falcon by the back of his collar and dragging him into the room Bucky had disappeared, leaving you alone with Elle and Karen.

Both of which were eyeing you with matching grins.

“No.” You deadpan. “Don’t even think-“

“So Bucky seems nice.” Karen voices. “Helpful too.”

“And hot.” Elle adds.

You groan.

Across the house, Bucky was diligently ignoring the probing stares of Steve and Sam wile removing the planks on the front door.

“So. How did the door break again?” Steve questions for the hundredth time since finding out about it last night. His best friend had been tight lipped about the aftermath of yesterday and, after seeing how Bucky was with you, he could understand why.

“Hand me the hammer.” He grunts while gently yanking the first piece of wood off the frame. James wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with the others knowing who your brother was so, he chose silence, much to the Falcon’s irritation.

“Doubt the ex kicked it down.” The aforementioned bird continues. “Man barely looked like he could lift a chair let alone break down a solid door.”

Bucky wants to comment that you ex wasn’t a man as much as he was a rat as you so eloquently put it yesterday. He takes the hammer from his friend’s hand and uses it to pry another set of nails out. The ex- Winter Soldier refused to leave you in a house with no front door and, after a silent staring contest that lasted all of three minutes, you caved, showing him to your basement filled with half finished projects. Apparently, you were quite the handy person yourself but never finished anything due to lack of free time.

Luckily for him, you had been meaning to replace the doorframe for some time and you already had all of the parts and pieces he needed.

“The world may never know.” Bucky grumbles with a roll of his eyes, effectively putting an end to the door questions. He had been looking forward to another quiet day, away from the pitying eyes of his team and, if he were being honest with himself, seeing you again. He didn’t have to pretend to be okay around you and you didn’t push him to talk about things he wasn’t ready to say out loud.

Laysa wasn’t a bad incentive either.

Your house had quickly become a safe place for him. Something you made sure he knew when you both said your goodbyes last night.

Steve’s phone goes off and the Captain wastes no time in opening the new text message. “Claire’s filed for a transfer. Nat just got the request.”

For a split second, Bucky pauses. For some reason, he had thought that his ex-wife would have put up a bit more of a fight for him. A part of him wished she would have put her foot down, said no to the divorce and demanded they work things out.

He would have said no but, knowing that she had given their relationship up so quickly stung. Steve and Natasha knew that he still had love for Claire and were hesitant to bring her up, while the others kept telling him how glad they were that she was gone.

Suddenly the image of you landing a punch to Claire’s cheek pushes the thought from his mind and he regains control over his body.

“Wait. Nat got the request?” Sam questions. “Isn’t that a Maria thing?”

The bird-man had a good point. Claire was a SHIELD agent and that was Maria Hill’s turf.

“As if that was going to stop her.” Steve chuckles. “Romanoff doesn’t concern herself with minor legalities.”

James couldn’t complain. This was Natalia’s way of showing she cared and he appreciated it more than she knew. He was sure hell would freeze over before Claire stepped foot in the Avengers’ Compound again.

The Captain pockets his phone once more and watches his best friend work. The way Bucky’s whole body relaxed when he saw you outside hadn’t escaped his watchful eye. Even if he had managed to miss that, the way he had opened his arms to you without a second thought sure as hell would have caught the blond’s attention.

Bucky had gotten better with people touching him but, he still avoided it as much as he could. His best friend hadn’t gone out of his way to hug someone since before the war. Steve wasn’t oblivious, he could see the hurt that lingered in the ex- Winter Soldier’s eyes and he’d seen it mirrored in your own. The moment you walked yourself into Bucky’s arms the Captain knew that there was something between the two of you; a mutual understanding of one another’s pain.

No doubt Sam was going to tease him about it later but, Steve was happy. He couldn’t pretend to know what his best friend was going through right now. He was just glad that he had you to go through it with.

Minutes pass in blissful silence and Bucky has to restrain himself from strangling Sam when he breaks it with a corny joke.

“You guys should go to the zoo. I heard they offer senior discounts.”

While Steve frowns, a grin crawls onto Bucky’s face. He stays silent for a moment as he relishes what he’s about to say next.

“You’re a little late to that train. Already made that joke yesterday.” You take the words out of James’ mouth when you enter the room with Laysa clumsily trailing behind you.

“Oh that’s cold.” The Falcon grumbles and the sheer disappointment on his face brings a chuckle out of Bucky’s chest. He turns to find you smirking at the air force veteran while rolling your eyes.

Elle passes you and grabs a remote off of the coffee table. Sam’s words from earlier come to the forefront of Bucky’s mind. Your friend does seem eerily familiar but, he just couldn’t put his finger on why. Her standoffishness reminds him of Natalia in a way but, other than that, she seemed like a completely normal woman.

After hitting a few buttons music pours out of the television, filling the silence with a low tune.

Sam, ever the conversationalist, decides to break the awkward tension. “So, do you guys work with Y/N?”

Karen shakes her head. “Oh god no. That’s too much school for me. I’m a journalist and I work at our friend’s law firm as an assistant part time. Never a dull moment there.” She finishes sarcastically and, as normal people do, Sam and Steve look towards Elektra next.

Your breath catches in your throat when she clears her throat. “I’m a personal trainer. Moved here from Greece a few years back to live with my boyfriend.”

Her answer is surprisingly normal and you applaud her for adding the personal touch.

“She’s actually dating one of my best friends, Matt. He was one of the lawyers that got our papers together.” You fill in a couple blanks to make the story more believable. “And we of course know what you guys do for a living. Saving the world must be a dangerous way to get paid.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Karen and Elle struggle to keep a straight face. They were no stranger to danger (Elektra being the danger most of the time) and you all knew it.

“Someone’s gotta do it.” Sam boasts with a puffed out chest.

Steve is more subtle. “We try our best to keep people safe.”

Conversation flows steadily from that point on with Sam and Karen picking up the slack from Elle and Bucky. An hour passes in what feels like seconds and you’re fearing that Karen has finally met her match when Bucky and Steve shoot to a standing position.

Its an odd sense of déjà vu when James backs away from the door to stand in front of you just as it’s kicked in once more.

There’s no cloud of dust this time and you can clearly see the form of your brother rushing in with a hand on his weapon.

“Y/N! Are you okay? I saw-“ He trails off when he sees the three men in the living room.

“Are you kidding me?!” You yell, pushing James aside then stomping your way to your brother. “Again Frankie?! Again?!”

Despite your anger, you’re relieved to see that he’s not covered head to toe in blood but, that doesn’t stop you from smacking him upside his head. “What part of you have a key don’t you get? Stop kicking down my damn door!”

Frank’s posture relaxes immediately and he shrugs sheepishly. “I saw the bikes and I thought-“

“Thought what?! That I was being murdered at noon on a Monday?” As soon as the words leave your mouth you wish you can take them back. You remember how bright the sun was shining the day your brother lost his entire family. “I’m sorry. I know you’re just looking out for me because you’re a great big brother and I love you for it. Can you just do that without busting down my poor door?”

Sam lets out a quiet what the hell at your admission. His shock warms your heart- not because your brother’s reputation proceeds himself but, because Sam’s surprise tells you that Bucky hadn’t told the Avengers about Frank. A secret that was now moot.

“Nat’s gonna freak when she finds out.” Sam chuckles behind you and, once again, déjà vu creeps up your spine.

Déjà vu that turns into a shiver when a low and feminine voice cuts through the air. “Nat already knows and she came down here to make sure you three don’t get turned into pink mist and a memory. Looks like there was no need.”

You can see a speck of red hair from behind your brother’s hulking frame. This whole situation was getting more ridiculous by the moment and you revert to your wish for a quiet day.

You could handle one Avenger. Tolerate three. But add another, your brother, Elektra, and Karen to the mix? It was too much.

“Hey danger.” She adds, bumping your brother’s shoulder with a wink. You had to hand it to the woman. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. Her blatant flirting obviously catches Frank off guard and all he can manage is a furrowed brown and wide eyes. “You don’t seem too shocked by this Barnes.”

“Not my story Natalia.” His response is simple and to the point but it still brings a smile to your face.

Shaking off your surprise, you then grab your brother by his arm and wave Natasha into your home. 

“I guess that answers our door question, Cap.” Sam chuckles.

The aforementioned Captain stares at you with wide blue eyes. You’d think for a century old man he’d have seen it all but, watching you manhandle the most gruesome vigilante in New York (ex-vigilante he reminds himself) wasn’t something he was prepared for. Steve know understood what Bucky meant when he said you were something.

“Kare- check him. Make sure he isn’t hiding any stab wounds or bullet holes from me.”

The petit blonde takes his hand with a smile before leading him away from the group. You didn’t put it past your brother to have just shoved gauze into an open wound and call it a day.

You unconsciously gravitate back to James and you don’t realize it until he lays a hand on your shoulder.

“At least I was just measuring when he kicked it down. I can have it fixed in no time.” His reassuring smile coupled with Laysa now rubbing against your leg calms your frazzled nerves. Your house hasn’t been this lively in years and, although you know you should embrace it, you were tired.

“Tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Castle isn’t the only reason I came here. We have a mission.” The redhead points to the Captain and Falcon. Both men stand at attention and you have the gnawing feeling that although Steve was the captain, Natasha was the leader. “Nice meeting you Y/N.”

You watch with a raised brow as she crosses the empty threshold once more before answering with a weak you too.

She pauses and looks up at the cracked door frame with a frown. “Barnes you’re in this one too but, finish this up first.” Steve and Same both bid their goodbyes before following the woman out. You don’t let out the breath you’ve been holding until you hear three motorcycle start up and disappear down the street.

Karen comes back out- frowning at the now empty room before she shakes her head. “He’s clean but it doesn’t look like he’s slept in days.”

You scoop Laysa up with a frown. He was having his nightmares again and it had you worried. Guilt creeps into your veins when the thought crosses your mind. Patrick hurting you might have dredged up the past for Frank which explains why he rushed in earlier.

“I’ll take him hom-“

“No. I’ll take him. You have enough on your plate right now he won’t talk to you. You know that.” Karen bites her thumb after cutting you off. You could never piece together the nature of the bond she and your brother shared but, you’re happy that it’s there nonetheless. She was right, Frank would rather die than add his own problems to your full plate.

“Thank you.” You nod solemnly and she disappears from sight. Moments later you hear the back door close and you sigh.

“That’s my cue. Matt and I have plans for tonight and I’ve gotta get ready. You know- limber up.” Elektra stands with a cat-like grin. Her words have James coughing in shock and you snort. You almost want to tell Bucky the truth but you knew telling an Avenger that your blind best friend and his girlfriend were planning on canvasing the city to fight bad guys wasn’t the best plan, so you leave him to his embarrassment then give the woman a hug.

“I’ll talk to you both later. Be careful.” Out of the corner of your eye you see a blush burn onto Barnes’ face. Maybe it was cruel to tease him like this but, no one said that cruel couldn’t be funny.

She disappears in a flash of black hair, leaving you and Bucky blissfully alone.

“That was something.” You groan before plopping onto the couch. Of the several scenarios you had run through your head of meeting Bucky’s friends- the one that just transpired wasn’t one of them.

“It could’ve been worse.” He shrugs, picking up the forgotten door in an amazing display of muscle that has your eyes lingering on his back. “I think your brother and Natalia showing up added a bit of spice.”

You slam a pillow over your face hoping that it would somehow erase the memory of the last twenty minutes from your mind. “Weren’t you born in the twenties or something? Didn’t think you could handle spice.”

The playful jab has him shaking his head with a smile.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve eaten Carolina Reaper wings before. I can handle spice just fine.”

The pillow over your face muffles the snort that leaves your throat at his defense. The mention of the infamous pepper brings up an old memory from college.

“I almost killed Foggy with Reaper wings. He didn’t know what they were and, after eating one, he rushed for anything to stop the burn. He ended up grabbing a brownie laced with Black Scorpion pepper. Immediately started throwing up.” You find the strength to remove the pillow from your head with a bright laugh. “He had to chug half a gallon of milk to stop.”

Those had been easier times. Back when the three of you had the whole world ahead of you.

“Who laces brownies with pepper?” The man across the room frowns. “That’s just wrong.”

“Hey! It was a Halloween party. Trick or Treat.”

“Remind me to never come to one of your parties then.”

You gasp in indignation ready to fire back with I’ll have you know that I used to throw great parties before you think better of it. You stopped throwing parties years ago because Patrick never hid how much he disliked parties and your friends in general.

The thought of your ex-husband douses you in cold water causing a shiver to run down your spine. Instead of answering, you run your fingers through Laysa’s soft fur to calm yourself down. Glancing at James across the room, it appears as though he lost in thought as well. The clock on the wall strikes one in the afternoon.

It has officially been twenty-four hours since you both confronted your spouses. It was a thought that was both liberating and terrifying.

“We’re going to be okay. Right?” The words escape you before you can bottle them back up and, when Bucky freezes, you wish you could take them back.

“Yeah. We’re going to be better than okay Doll. Maybe not today but, eventually.” His deep voice wavers slightly causing you to worry your lip between your teeth. You had the feeling he wasn’t normally this open with his friends and an odd mix of feelings swirl in your chest; relief, a little bit of pride, and another that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

Regardless it’s that feeling you can’t put a finger on that has you standing up. “Natasha said you have a mission?”

“Yeah. S’gonna be a rough one if all of us have been called in.” This time there is no waver of worry in his voice. He’s firm and matter of fact in a way the reminds you of your brother and Matt. That didn’t make you fear for his safety any less.

You decide to follow the same routine as you do with your friends who like to put themselves in dangerous situations on a regular basis.

“Do you have time for a home cooked meal before you go?”

Once again the man pauses but, this time he turns to you slowly as a smile grows on his handsome face.

“Yeah sweetheart. I’d like that.

Tags: @luthien-t​ @vicmc624 @cherryblossomskye​

[sardinesandhumbugs]

i would be very interested in learning more about horwood (derogatory) if you're interested in explaining?

okay so

so William Horwood was is (apparently he’s still alive and kicking in his 70s) a writer who wrote perhaps the best-known sequel to The Wind in the Willows in 1993: The Willows in Winter. (He wrote three more following after it: Toad Triumphant, The Willows and Beyond, and The Willows at Christmas, but the first one is the one most will be familiar with due to the 1996 movie.)

(He wasn’t the first person to write a sequel to WitW; that honour goes to Dixon Scott in 1983 with A Fresh Wind in the Willows although that had some funky copyright issues) 

The Willows in Winter does its best to mimic the style of the original book, and to some extent it does succeed. It is, however, still essentially published fanfiction and, as such, it has some wonderful ‘misses’ that I will mock this 27-yo story for. (I admittedly kinda love the movie it was adapted into, so this is all done with the same kind of ribbing my friends lovingly bestow upon me after I walk into glass walls or eat notably dodgy apples like some modern-day snow white)

These misses include but are not limited to:

awkward character decisions 

These Characters Are Aggressively Not Gay 

But Sometimes It Will Read Very Gay Anyway 

hilarious character names

I Will (Almost) Kill Mole Multiple Times

Sometimes Twice In The Same Book

you will read “The Water Rat” more than you ever did in witw

Rat has river-speaking abilities now  

Badger has one (1) response to “someone has vanished” and it’s to organise a funeral

Rat sees heaven for, like, a moment

Toad nearly gets hanged 

Anyway, because I have A Lot of thoughts about the book, here’s a spoiler-inclusive breakdown of the plot for your enjoyment below the cut: 

The story starts with Mole’s nephew who we will call “Nephew” for the sole fact that Horwood never deigns to give him any other name. (I have been reliably informed that the next story has Badger’s grandson creatively named... Grandson, just in case anyone thought this might be a one-off.)  

It has been... an indistinguishable number of years since the original book, and Horwood decided the natural character development for the polite and loyal Mole is for him to have become a grumpy old soul who has been passing his recently orphaned Nephew around his friends because he doesn’t like company. 

The biggest issue Mole has is that he erroneously told Nephew that he could stay “as long as [he] wants” and, well, you have to see this for yourself: 

...for ‘as long as you want’ soon feels like a life sentence to a bachelor like Mole, unused to sharing his home with another for more than an evening at a time. 

(Mole is a Bachelor, okay? He’s definitely not accustomed to living whole seasons with Ratty, to the point that he nearly forgets what his own home looks like.)

So Mole is beginning to think that perhaps Nephew isn’t The Worst Thing Ever when Portly turns up in the middle of a horrible snow storm and, in attempting to warm him up, Nephew gives him too much alcohol and promptly sends Portly off to sleep, but not before he imparts that he came running all this way because Rat said that he needed Mole. 

So Mole heads out into the terrible snow storm, gets to the River, and carves his will into a tree because this is Horwood’s fanfic and he can write angst if he wants to, dammit! And, naturally, everything goes wrong. a la Don’t Carry It All style.

You may be saying, oh plot! This sounds dramatic! I regret to inform you that Rat was not, in fact, in danger, but was actually just snowed in with Otter and drunkenly remarked that it’d be so much jollier if Mole joined them (no homo), and then carried getting so drunk that neither of them realised that Portly was gone until three days later. 

[A helpful comic illustrating Otter’s parental abilities]

(This is, of course, the same Portly for whom Otter spent days trying to find in The Piper At the Gates of Dawn chapter of the original book. Turns out his  parental approach has drastically changed since then.)  

After some searching, they find Mole’s will carved into the tree and deduce that Mole attempted to cross the frozen river and failed and they decide to leave off searching until it’s light again. In the meantime, we get this lovely passage that I actually adore for how tender it is: 

The Water Rat knew a night of shadows and half-dreams, memories of Mole in the hot afternoon sun of summer, reflecting upon life. Such remembrances tormented the poor Rat till dawn came once more and he stared bleakly out of the window, tears trickling down his face, listening to the quiet bustle of the other three round the corner in the kitchen. 

During all of this, Toad has discovered a love of flying machines (biplanes, to you and me) and the Riverbankers claim use of his newest one to search for Mole. Long story short, Toad tricks his way into being the pilot, flies so badly that he unseats Rat (who manages to deploy his parachute in time, but has a near-death experience beforehand) and then crashes the plane into a greenhouse in town. 

The other Riverbankers find Rat, who has survived his fall (even if he has seen Beyond the Veil) and he’s currently Talking to the River (Horwood decided to take the “water” part of Rat’s name as a personality trait) and Rat assures the Riverbankers that Mole isn’t dead because the River Said So.

Badger is like, cool, cool, okay he’s suffered a mental break from losing Mole, and possibly Toad too, so we’re going to do the sensible thing and host a funeral for Mole. (Have I mentioned how much they are definitely straight?) 

Anyway, in a move that would make any soap opera green with envy, Mole manages to find his way back to the Riverbank just in time to crash his own funeral, scaring everyone witless until they realise their mistake. (I did say this was published fanfiction.) Everyone is happy, Mole is not dead, and life goes merrily on. 

Meanwhile, Toad has had a few misadventures, that include: 

crashing into a greenhouse that belongs to the judge who sentenced him in the original book

somehow no one realises he’s Toad, so he stays in bed as the heroic pilot who risked life and limb to stop his plane from crashing into the town

escaping disguised as a chimney sweep

turning up to a wedding that the judge was attending and getting arrested

being accused of murdering the missing chimney sweep 

being sentenced to be hanged for murdering the missing chimney sweep

being acquitted from the crime when it turns out the chimney sweep is still alive

(Yes, Horwood really went, hey I should raise the stakes from the original, and then put Toad on trial for murder under threat of hanging.) 

(If what I’ve heard about the later books, Horwood decided that what the Extended WitW Universe was missing was an overarching antagonist, which he rectifies by having the judge return several times.)

Toad is set on his way and he slowly returns back to the Riverbank, mostly because he’s under the impression that not only is Mole dead, but that he probably killed Rat too (this is a Fun Kid’s Book) whereupon he eventually discovers that, uncared for, Toad Hall has fallen into flooded ruin. He mopes and drinks and lights candles before toddling off to Badger’s home, where Badger is having a thoroughly miserable party that has pretty much turned into a Mourning Toad party and they all celebrate Toad’s return. There’s even a sweet moment:

Toad, very drunk and sad: What am I, Badger? Badger: You are home, Toad.

And then in the last two minutes of the book, Toad Hall burns to the ground because Horwood couldn’t resist a last-minute sprinkling of drama into the story.

(Also, also, the last few lines of the book seems to imply that the name of “The Mole” is something that’s inherited like the title of Caesar was, and Nephew will one day be The Mole and I can’t get over that.)

The End. 

Anyway, Horwood is evidence that fanfic writers have always gone, “I can add angst to this,” and that you really shouldn’t feel so bad about that edgy OOC fanfic you wrote when you were 13 because it turns out some people go and get theirs published.

And that’s why some of us have “Horwood (Derogatory)” as a meme. 

[wordsandshawn]

Hello! Can you maybe do one where she is doing her last paper, but she simply can’t take it anymore and she is super stressed and tries to hide it? Thank you!

This isn’t really a blurb... it turned into a whole imagine, but I hope you enjoy! Sorry it took so long to write, but I’m going to continue writing more blurbs now, hopefully some shorter ones so they don’t take so long. Feel free to send more requests! 

At least the exams are over. That’s what you keep telling yourself, but now you’re in that space where you’re so close to being finished but yet you feel so far away. It feels like you’ve already exhausted ounce of your brainpower, and there is nothing left for you to give. However, you’re still here, seated at the coffee shop at your university. You have until midnight tonight to turn in this paper, and you’ve been here for two hours staring at the words on the page that aren’t making sense anymore, unable to muster up the energy to write anything coherent. 

It doesn’t help that most others in the coffee shop are celebrating the semester being over and otherwise appear to have already finished the most stressful week of the semester. You had been in the library earlier, but it was so empty it felt eery and you couldn’t focus there either. Your roommates are in the process of moving out of your apartment, so trying to work there is also out of the question. 

Rereading the last sentence you wrote, you wrack your brain trying to figure out where this paper is supposed to be going. Your mid-thought when your phone vibrating on the table pulls you back to reality. Shawn’s name pops up on the screen and you consider ignoring the call, but decide a short break can’t do much harm since you weren’t being very productive anyway. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey y/n, are you heading over soon?” Shawn’s voice comes through the phone. And even with that simple question, you can tell he’s in a good mood because you practically hear him smiling by the way his voice sounds, and it makes you smile too. 

Of course, he’s in a good mood. He’s home for the first time in too long, and he’s having all of his friends over since they’ve all finished their exams too and everyone can’t wait to let loose. 

Despite all of this to look forward to, you can’t help the way your heart sinks at his question. It’s still only about four pm, and you had told Shawn you’d head over his way as soon as you could, hoping you’d be able to spend some time with him before everyone else started showing up. You know Shawn’s expecting you, and you want to be with him more than anything else, but this paper isn’t going to write itself. 

“Uh,” You hesitate, “I’m still working on a paper. I’m sorry babe.” You apologize, feeling bad because you know you’re letting him down. You both haven’t seen each other in at least three weeks, so you hate to keep prolonging it. 

“It’s okay,” He responds masking his disappointment. “When do you think you’ll be done.” 

You weigh out your possible responses. You don’t want to tell him that you’re not sure you’ll make it to the party because you really want to go, but you also don’t want to lie to him. This paper is worth a huge chunk of your grade, and it’s in a class you can’t afford to get less than an overall grade of 75%. There are certain classes in your major that you’re required to get certain grades in, and this is one of them. If you fail, you don’t even want to think about what might happen if you fail. 

All of these thoughts are rushing through your mind when Shawn speaks again, and suddenly you realize you never responded. “Baby are you okay?” He questions. 

“Yeah,” You lie. “I’m fine.” Your voice betrays you, and you’re worried Shawn will notice. 

“Are you at your apartment?” He questions. 

“No, I’m at a coffee shop.” 

“How about I pick you up and you can come work on your paper here?” He offers. 

Your first thought is to decline. The original plan was for you to drive out to Shawn’s. You know he has things he has to do to prepare for everyone coming over, and you were supposed to drive out there tonight, stay the night, and then return to finish packing up your apartment in the morning, and Shawn was supposed to go back home to Pickering to see Aaliyah’s hockey game before swinging by your apartment to help you move some stuff. You’ve both already talked about this weekend, planning it out perfectly. 

If Shawn comes to pick you up tonight, you won’t have your car and you’d have to leave his place really early for him to drop you off at school and make it to Aaliyah’s game. 

“No, I can drive myself. I just don’t know when I’ll be done with this.” You’re so stressed, you’re not even sure you’re really thinking straight, and now you know for sure that Shawn is picking up on it by the tone of your voice. 

“Baby,” He says very clearly and calmly, his attempt at getting you out of your head. “Don’t worry about the party. Don’t worry about tomorrow or all the plans we’ve already made.” He knows you well enough to know all of the thoughts you’re having even when you’re not able to articulate it. 

Despite what he just said and his attempt at calming you down, all of your thoughts come out at once. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it because of this paper, and I’ve only just started it today because I was so busy with my other presentations and exams and now I don’t know if I’ll even be able to finish it and I’m so sorry because I know we’ve been planning this party for so long.” 

“Y/n, it’s okay baby. You don’t have to apologize. I know you’re stressed and I know you’re doing your best. It’s okay.” He soothes you, his voice remaining calm because he knows you need to hear it. “Just listen to me, okay? I’m in my car now. I’m going to come to get you, and that way you can work on your paper here.” 

“No, Shawn.” You interrupt. Has he forgotten his friends are coming over?

“Hold on, it’s okay.” He says remaining calm. “I’m going to come get you and drive you back here. You have all night to do your paper, so don’t worry.” 

“I’m fine here.” You respond, not wanting to ruin his night.

“Baby, I don’t want to argue with you, and I also don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to, but I know you’re not fine, and I also know that you don’t want to come because you’re afraid of ruining the night. So I want you to know that you’re not ruining the night, and I really really want to come get you because then at least I’ll know that you’re okay and not having a breakdown in a coffee shop by yourself.” 

You can’t argue with that logic, because the truth is you want to be with Shawn more than anything right now because he’s the one person who manages to bring you back down when you’re stressed like you are now. “Okay,” you respond, agreeing to his proposition. 

“I’m leaving now, do you think you can go back to your place and get anything you need. Maybe even take a quick shower, it’ll make you feel better, and I’ll pick you up from your apartment in about forty-five minutes?” 

“Okay, yeah. I’ll see you soon.” You respond, feeling a little better already knowing you’ll see Shawn soon. 

“Alright baby, I love you.” 

“Love you too,” You respond before hanging up, grabbing all of your stuff and heading back to your apartment. 

Forty-five minutes later, you’re showered and feeling significantly better despite the fact that you’ve made absolutely no progress on your paper and the time is still steadily ticking down toward the due date. You grab your backpack, making sure that your laptop and any books you’ll need are in there before walking outside to wait for Shawn. He pulls up a few minutes later and your rush to his car. 

He smiles at you and you lean in for a kiss. It’s been too long since you’ve seen him. “I missed you,” He says, while putting the car back into drive and taking your hand in his. You can’t help but scoot closer to him despite the center console prohibiting you from any other contact. “Do you want to work on your paper now?” He offers, and you know you should, but you just want five minutes to be with your boyfriend. 

He starts to let go of your hand, but you only grab onto his tighter and he gives in. “I will, in a little bit.” 

He glances across at you briefly before looking at the road again. He squeezes your hand gently, before saying, “Okay.” 

You spend most of the drive working furiously on your paper and actually manage to make quite a bit of progress by the time you arrive at Shawn’s place.  Shawn grabs your backpack and puts it on despite your insistence that you can carry it yourself. When you get into the elevator, he pulls you into his arms enveloping your entire body in the type of hug only Shawn can give. He mumbles, “See if you were wearing your backpack, I wouldn’t be able to hold you like this.” And you can’t argue with that. 

Despite both of you wanting, to just be near each other, Shawn lets you go when the elevator arrives on the top floor and he unlocks the apartment letting you in first. You plop your backpack down and pull your laptop and books back out at the kitchen island. You promptly dive right back into your work and Shawn disappears into his room. About five minutes later, Shawn comes out with a candle, putting it down and lighting it. “Thank you.” You tell him, and he just nods and smiles and disappears again. About a half-hour later, Shawn emerges again, his hair still damp signaling he showered. He pulls a seat close to you and sits down, opening his own laptop. He doesn’t say anything but starts working as well. Having him near is one of your favorite things, even if you’re not talking. You can tell he’s trying really hard not to distract you, which makes you smile. He deserves the biggest thank you for all of this, but you’ll save it for later. 

“When are your friends coming over?” You ask, taking a little break from your paper. 

“I told them to just go out instead, and that they could come over another night.” 

“Shawn, no!” You reply. 

“What?” He questions, as though he doesn’t see anything wrong.

“Babe, have them come over. I was just planning to go into your room and work.” 

“It’s fine. I’d rather spend the night with you.”

“Baby, I’m going to ignore you all night. If they don’t want to come over, you can go out with them. I’m good, I promise.” You respond, and this time it’s the truth. You’re feeling so much better than you were before. You’ve made a lot of progress on your paper, which helped to ease some of your stress, and being here in Shawn’s place has also helped as the change in environment has allowed you to be more productive. 

He pauses for a second, studying you, and you giggle, “It’s not a trap, Shawn. I want them to come over or for you to go out with them.” You tell him again to make sure he understands. You’ve never been a fan of passive-aggressiveness or not saying what you mean, and Shawn knows that. 

You genuinely wouldn’t want him to sit around at home all night just because you have a paper and can’t do anything fun. It’s your fault that you’re not done with your paper, and he’s already done more than you’d ask for by going to pick you up and bringing you back here, you want him to see his friends and have fun. 

“Really, Shawn. Tell them they can come over, at least to pregame over here and then you can go out if you want or else I’ll call Brian myself.”

“I made you come here because I wanted to make sure you were okay, I don’t want to leave you.”

“Shawn, I’m fine. And besides, you’re stuck with me tonight and tomorrow because you have to drive me back to my place now.” 

“Are you going to be able to finish your paper?” 

“Yes.” You tell him, and you actually believe it. “I’ll be fine.” 

He finally gives in, and you know he can tell you’re in a much better place than you were earlier, which eases some of his own worries. An hour later, his friends flood into the place, and you say hello to all of them before slipping off to his room, putting on your headphones, and working away at your paper. Shawn brings you dinner since he had ordered food, and you finish your paper earlier than you thought you would, which allows you to go out and have fun with Shawn and his friends. 

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

what if in the distance series, she’s been having a really stressful week with her album promotions and whatnot and all calum wants to do is make her feel better and the facetimes can only help so much so he decides to fly out and surprise her 🥺

Thanks so much for the suggestion! I’m going to combine it with this one: 

i’m feeling rlly down do u think for the distance series you could write another blurb about the reader being really upset and not wanting to bother cal but she tweets a really concerning tweet and cal calls her and she’s balling and maybe he sings to her to make her to feel better and the next week she gets a care package?

I did some tweaks. Her album’s not out yet. She’s just promoting the singles. But the album is coming out soon! I’m not a professional, so I don’t know how any of this actually works. But I’m trying. 

Here are parts one, two, three, four, and five. This is the Distance series on my masterlist!

If you have any suggestions or ideas for this series, please feel free to send them to me! I will try and use as many as I can while also progressing the story along!

_______________________________

The thing about life is that, sometimes when one thinks there’s not much lower that they can do, there’s something right around the corner that proves deeper is possible. Though the tweets hadn’t exactly lessened,  she made a point not to be on social media unless she had to be, she only interacted with fans for a spare few minutes, liking tweets and reply to the love and positive outreach. Her relationship with social media is rapidly evolving and for the first time in a while, she kind of understood the reason why Calum never seemed to be on his. It was a hard river to get out of, if one floated down it too long. 

But now, she was looking at her schedule for promotion and while thankfully most things were still relatively close to her, traveling this much so soon, made her nervous. She tried to speak with her manager and the team, to see if some of the interviews could be scheduled for video. They had managed to keep a decent portion video based but still too many required her traveling. “I’ll try to talk to some people, but you really have to get out there, have people see your face. Besides, you already traveled out of the country once before. What’s the big deal now?”

It makes sense and she’s still new to this game. But going to see Calum is completely different than being in cities for hours before flying out for the next. Just the idea of her being herded around made her a little uncomfortable. “I understand that, but when am I supposed to be a human being during all of this? I still have songs to finish. And I visited a friend for a few days. Totally different than bouncing around god knows how many countries in two weeks. I need time to breathe in all this.”

“Listen, we’re here to help you out. The only way for this relationship to work is if there is mutual respect.”

“That’s rich,” she retorts. “I’m only simply asking that for my mental wellbeing that we adjust some of the interviews, that’s all.”

“And we will see what we can do.” The rest of the meeting is tense and it grates every nerve in her soul that there seems to be no real regard. It’s really just in the tone. Like she’s a child begging for candy in the checkout line while her mother has already told her once before that there is candy at home. 

But she has to in some ways take them at their word. She lets this go for now but when the next day, she receives an email that the schedule will remain the same, she knows in her gut that no one actually talked about rearranging anything. Can she really afford to cause a ripple? Especially so early in her career? These people kind of did pluck her from obscurity but at the same time, shouldn’t her voice be heard?

Remember the compression socks, reads the message from Calum. He sent her a care package last week, after hearing about her promotion schedule. It was going to be hell and Calum wasn’t going to hide that fact from her. She hadn’t told me about the small feud. So he sent things that helped him out a lot, the socks for the constant air travel, a sleep mask, vitamins, a book that he recommended but she hadn’t stopped by the local shop to buy, a pack of her favorite pens that she had to order from a place in New York, and a beautiful bound leather journal. Her wire bound notebook was curling at the corners and well loved. It was by time to get a new one but she had a hard time giving up on things. 

Snapping a picture of her carry on, she makes sure the socks are resting right on top. I would never. 

You got this, buttercup. Calum stares at his phone, wishing he could do a little 

The first couple of days aren’t so bad. The flights aren’t terribly long. The interviews are kind of fun, filled with plenty of laughter. There are gimmicky games based on her singles and they didn’t always pan out completely, but for a second, she figures maybe she had overreacted. But soon the interviews grow repetitive, the games are no longer fun. She can’t even write, by the time she’s on a plane, all she wants is sleep. The time zones are killer and she swears time means literally nothing as she’s hurded about. 

I’m losing it, she texts Calum. Losing all sense of her humanity. She’s grateful to meet her fans in the small pockets of time she’s allotted and that keeps her going. But slowly and surely, her body is drained. No amount of sleep means anything. She can’t hardly concrete. It’s all crumbling around her. She doesn’t feel human. 

“Are you sleeping?” Calum asks, through the screen. His picture goes pixelated for a quick second but then it straightens back out. 

“Yeah. Just doesn’t seem like enough though.”

Calum knows that feeling. He knows that look in her eyes too. It’s hard to keep up the facade when constantly about.  “Eating enough?”

“Kinda,” she admits. She tries to think what she had for breakfast. But that was hours ago and now she’s sitting waiting for another plane that will take her even further ahead in time. Will she be eating breakfast again soon? Does it even matter right now?

Calum passes along a few more tricks, but mostly aims to distract. He talks about the new music he’s working on. She asks if she can get a sneak peak and he’s more than happy to oblige. If that’s all he can do for the small moments in time, he’ll do it. He wishes he could do more though. It’s not easy and he’s fortunate to have three other people that are going through it all at the same time as him. There’s always a support system. But it’s just her. And she can confide in a couple of her security guards, they’ve become a level of friends, but it’s still not quite the same. 

“I miss my dog,” she confesses, randomly amongst the reverbing rumble of Calum’s bass as he finishes the last chord in the progression. Her chest starts to ache. And the tears are stinging her eyes before she can really stop them. “I miss my dog so fucking much,” she cries in a whisper. “I miss my bed. I miss you.”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s hard to be away. I totally get it.” His heart races, because of her tears but also because of her confession. Now, probably isn’t the time, not to get hung up on that last sentence but his mouth is moving before he can will it not too. “I miss you too. And I know your dog misses you. And it’s okay to miss us. We’ll always be right here when you need us.”

It doesn’t help to be having this breakdown in the middle of an airport. And sure, there might be headlines in the coming days but at the end of the day she’s so human. No matter how much she wants to pretend nothing ever affects her, it does. It always will. Her wall isn’t without some flaws. She does her best to calm the tears, steady her breathing but it feels so right just to let it all out. 

She manages to excuse herself to that bathroom. There are still about thirty minutes before her flight and she has to get it all out now before she boards. With Calum still on the line, she sobs in the bathroom. A toilet flushes alerting her that she’s not as alone as she once expected but locked into the stall, it doesn’t matter. Calum soothes her as best he can, telling her it’s okay to get it all out.  Ten minutes later, she’s cleaned up and running back to her gate. “Thanks, Cal.”

“No, no need to thank me. Just take care of yourself, okay? Please.”

She nods, guards waiting for her with her bags. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Just like she knew, it’s all over the internet the next day. The woman interviewing asks if everything’s okay, what sparked the teary episode. “I’m human, in case anyone forgets. I am human and I just hit my limit. I think we all need to take a moment to remember we are human. I am. You are. The person listening to this. We’re all human at the end of the day.” That’s all she has to say because if truth be told, she’s still at that limit, she’s still hitting that wall in which everything feels hazy but crying her eyes out helped a little bit. 

Calum sees her interview, not trying to look for it, but it pops up on his timeline. Her voice shakes as she speaks, lower lip quivering but her tone is strong, there’s a fire behind her eyes as she talks. Calum knows she’s hitting that wall and she won’t really get over it until she gets home and gets a chance to unwind. It’s crazy. Really, but he can’t do much over a call or over a video chat. So he figures out when her return home is and books a flight out for the next day. He should really make sure she wants company to, but it’s too late now as his email dings with the confirmation. 

It’s midday and it should require more pants than she’s currently wearing, her only plans are to stay curled up on her couch and snuggled up with her dog. She has plenty of food in the house and she doesn’t mind taking the moment to cook for herself. The knock at her door is surprising and she stands, hollering that she needs just a moment and scurries to her room to grab a pair of shorts off the chair in her room that has just become the clothes chair when things aren’t dirty to go into the laundry but aren’t clean to stick back into the drawer. 

And there’s Calum, just standing at her door. A hoodie on his head, covering the baseball cap and his sunglasses. “Hey,” he exhales with a tiny grin. 

All she can do is hug him, shaking with a small bit of laughter. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, or if I’m hallucinating this, but I’m absolutely okay with this.”

He kisses the top of her head. “Just here to cheer you up, buttercup. That’s all.”

-H

[franzsiska]

12. Kunikidazai~ If you still are taking prompts of course! ( ◜‿◝ )♡

things you said when you thought i was asleep

(prompt from this list.)

pairing: dazai osamu/kunikida doppo

Read under the cut or read on ao3.

Normally, bothering Kunikida on his off day would bring Dazai immense pleasure. He has made it his life’s mission, after all, to not let the man have a moment of peace. (Those are Kunikida’s words, not his.)

It’s different today, though. The reason he broke into Kunikida’s flat wasn’t because he wanted to bother him, although that would be a welcome by-product. He’s here because he has nowhere else to go. Or rather, he has nowhere else that he wouldn’t regret going to.

Although of immense strategic value, that meeting with the Port Mafia took more out of him than he thought it would. He had smiled at Mori Ougai, talked to him with ice in his smile and enough venom in his words to solidify the air. And yet, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t suppress the shudder that had run down his spine the moment those steely eyes had come to rest on him. It had taken every ounce of strength he had in him not to avert his eyes.

Four years later, Mori still made Dazai’s blood run cold.

In any case, after that encounter, Dazai did not know where to go. He wanted to be alone (he wanted to crawl into a hole and die, really) but he could feel an old, familiar ache rearing its ugly head inside of him and he did not want to indulge it. Not now, at least. Being alone was almost a guarantee that he would cave.

So, naturally, he followed Kunikida home.

“Why are you here, Dazai?” Kunikida grumbled as he took off his shoes at the door. He had been trying to shake Dazai off all the way back, but like a stubborn stray cat, Dazai clung to his heel and refused to let go. “Don’t you have anywhere better to be?”

“Why must you wound me so, Kunikida-kun!?” he inhaled sharply, then took off his own shoes and followed him inside. “I just thought I’d keep you company.”

“Right…” Kunikida didn’t sound convinced. “Because you’re just that good of a person.

Dazai’s grin was bright and childlike. “Yup!”

“Alright, fine,” he relented. “Just don’t… I don’t know, set anything on fire or something.”

“This is slanderous! Name one time I’ve ever set anything on fire.”

“That’s not a question you want answered, trust me.”

Dazai pouted but sprawled himself out on the threadbare couch anyway. Kunikida’s flat wasn’t overly spacious, but it was unsurprisingly neat and organized, almost minimalistically so. 

Kunikida had disappeared off somewhere inside, so Dazai deemed it safe enough to stretch himself out and let out a tired sigh, draping an arm over his face to keep the light from the overhead lamp from burning his sleep-deprived eyes.

Do you remember the coat that I gave you, Dazai?

His hands clenched into fists of their own volition, and when he exhaled it came out shaky. How dare he?

A hand came to rest on his shoulder. “Do you take - ”

Dazai jerked up into sitting position, startled before his bleary eyes finally focused on Kunikida frowning in front of him, his hand still frozen mid-air. Miscalculation, Dazai’s brain supplied. He should have controlled his reflexes better.

“What’s the matter?” Kunikida asked, squinting at him slightly. “I was just asking if you’d like sugar in your tea… ”

Tea. Dazai blinked, then smiled. “Sorry. Yeah, some sugar would be nice.”

“Alright…” he said, sounding more than a little unsure. He looked back at Dazai twice as he returned to the kitchen. He came back carrying a tray with two steaming cups on it. “It’s chamomile. I thought it might help calm your nerves a little.”

Dazai accepted the cup before he did a double-take at the words. Kunikida had always been much more perceptive than he let on, but Dazai never thought that would extend to him too, of all people. Oh, well, he’d just have to adjust himself to make up for it. “Thank you.”

Kunikida snorted lightly as he took a seat beside him, slender fingers wrapped around his own cup of tea. “A sorry and a thank you? Is it my birthday or something?”

Dazai tilted his head slightly. “No, your birthday isn’t for another two months. Is Kunikida-kun going senile?” The myriad of expressions that crossed Kunikida’s face in the span of the next few seconds elicited bubbly laughter from Dazai. “I’m kidding, Kunikida-kun. You look like I just snatched your ice-cream or something.”

Kunikida opened his mouth to retort, but apparently thought better of it. Leaning back a little, he sighed, for once not looking as tense as he usually did—is the chamomile tea really that effective? Dazai made a note to ask for the brand later—and Dazai found himself thinking that the tendrils of steam curling up between them from their cups made a nice overlay for his view of Kunikida’s face.

The wind had picked up since the evening, and the window panes rattled lightly against its force. Even so, it was calming in its own right, to see the wind rage without actually breaking anything. Can human beings rage without breaking anything? Perhaps he’d ask one someday.

“The president introduced me to the wonders of tea,” Kunikida said. “For some reason, he thought it would be beneficial to me, specifically.”

“Yeah?” Dazai murmured, barely suppressing a yawn. “I wonder why… “

Slowly, without meaning to, he found himself sleepily leaning sideways onto Kunikida. He suppressed another yawn as his head dropped onto the other man’s shoulder, expecting to be pushed off immediately. Which is why it was surprising when Kunikida stiffened up momentarily, and even more surprising when he relaxed almost immediately afterwards. He gently took the now almost empty cup from Dazai’s hand and placed it on the table, before turning slightly sideways.

“Tired?”

“Very.”

Kunikida adjusted to make more room and Dazai took it as an open invitation to snuggle in closer. Soon enough, his head was resting on Kunikida’s chest, and it took him a while to realize that the arm resting around his shoulder belonged to Kunikida. The apprehension wouldn’t leave, however. Why haven’t you kicked me off already? He wasn’t sure why he was being allowed to have this at all, but he was so tired and Kunikida’s shampoo smelled like peaches and for once, Dazai didn’t feel like he was freezing from the inside

“There’s a storm gathering outside.” Kunikida’s voice sounded even deeper with Dazai’s ear literally resting against the man's chest. “You should stay the night.”

Dazai didn’t reply, at a loss for words for the first time in nearly as long as he could remember. What use were all his charm and feline grace if he couldn’t even answer something like that?

But he knew Kunikida well enough to know that he wasn’t expecting an answer anyway. Kunikida was considerate like that, no matter how much he didn’t want to be perceived as such, and at the moment, Dazai was particularly grateful. He sighed, then practically purred when he felt long, slender fingers slowly running through his hair.

It felt like melting, in a way. Like he was being disintegrated piece by piece and washed away right from the spot where Kunikida’s fingers touched him. And it was exhilarating. He hadn’t felt this light in years.

“Oi, Dazai. I said you could stay the night, not conk out on my lap.”

There was no actual bite to the words but there was poorly concealed amusement and Dazai mumbled out an unintelligible response before nuzzling even closer. When his head had slid down from Kunikida’s shoulder to into his lap, he had no idea, but he didn’t particularly mind. He didn’t mind anything.

“Are you asleep already?”

If he had been asked to define his life in one sentence, he would probably have chosen ‘standing at the edge of a cliff’. Teetering precariously at the end and barely an inch away from the plunge, maybe two inches on good days. He had been standing at the edge of this cliff for as long as he could remember. Except at the moment, there was no endless abyss beyond the edge. Instead, there was warmth and sleep and Kunikida and as Dazai’s eyelids began to flutter close, he swayed at the edge dangerously.

Then Kunikida sighed softly and Dazai’s brain immediately kicked into overdrive.

A number of explanations. Seven possible outcomes. Correction: five. Most likely one: Kunikida throws you off. Second most likely, he leaves you here alone—

“Fine.” Kunikida murmured, “I guess this isn’t so bad after all.”

Dazai’s brain glitched momentarily. ...What?

His fingers continued to gently card through Dazai’s hair. “I know you must be weary, who wouldn’t be after that ordeal? But you did so good today.”

Right… that’s why I’m having a pseudo-breakdown in your apartment—

“You can rest now.”

It took every ounce of willpower Dazai had in him to keep his breath from hitching. You can rest now. His heart was hammering in his chest. What does that mean? All Dazai knew was that it just made the lump in his throat even bigger and harder to swallow.

For a moment, he wished that he was actually asleep instead of just pretending to be. That way at least, he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this kindness, not one bit of which he knew what to do with.

Where do I put it? What do I do? Please stop. I don’t know what to do.

It was late now. The wind still blew outside. The windows still rattled. He blinked, heart not racing quite so frantically anymore. Kunikida should really have invested in some better window frames, but at least these ones made a good distraction for him.

With time, the caresses of the hand on his head began to grow slower and slower, and soon enough, Dazai could hear Kunikida snoring lightly. 

His own eyes fluttered close once before opening again abruptly. Then he smiled. How endearing.

He didn’t know Kunikida snored.