#and then a clip from an earlier episode plays in my brain of ‘no you didn’t want any of this but you chose this���

[abelllia]

Re-reading the MAG 160 transcript and I want to bite Elias’ head off so bad

[jjmaybankswifeyx]

don’t play with me princess

zach justice x fem!reader

warnings • smutty smut smut, zach : daddy, kissing, use of yn, pet names, oral sex, flirting, angst, jealous zach, swearing , 18+

summary: you went on dropouts after being friends for years and him begging you for ages to come the podcast , you finally give in and things kick off.

*zach has his own place in this*

you were messaging zach all last night about the podcast, what time to come etc he was being so sweet telling you he’s gunna be with you the whole time but knowing zach he will probably bully you for it tomorrow on the podcast “i’ll be fine” you mumbled before dozing off to sleep.

you wake up at 11:06 to zach phoning you making sure your awake as you always sleep in, unfortunately you had just woke up and had an hour to get ready and leave as you had to be there for 12:30 and it takes 20 minutes to get there “yea you just woke me up” you say rolling out of bed “good can’t have my star guest not come” he says, you hang up the phone starting to get ready doing a natural look as you didn’t have time nor effort to do a glam look, once you finished your makeup you chose your outfit then left.

you got there about 5 minutes before the pod started saying hi to everyone “omg yn” alyssa shouts across the room running towards you engulfing you in a big hug “alyssa ahh i missed you so much” you say with a massive smile “alright alyssa she’s mine calm down” zach says appearing around the corner with a smug little smirk on his face “oh shut up zach” turning around to face alyssa again and walking into the studio.

“hello welcome or welcome back to dropouts today we have an extra special guest, my girlfriend yn y/l/n” looking at u in shock “oh you wish” looking at the mic “i do i really do, so yn” your quick to answer as your nervous as what hes gunna say “yes zach” already dreading the question “how have you been” relieved with this you start to smile “yea it’s been great honestly i’ve started my own clothing line and makeup and it’s going great!” smiling knowing how far you’ve come “wow that’s great! any boys recently ?” jared says adding to the convo “oh jared you know” you say winking at him before you both start bursting into laughter, you look over at zach and he looks like he’s burning a hole into your brain, he looks mad ? you chime in “no guys i’m jk don’t clip that” you say with a nervous laugh zach still does not look impressed until he spits out “oh yn you wouldn’t even kiss jared on the cheek never mind do the devils tango with him” smirking you reply “oh and how would you know that” he stares at you for a second “okay guys if your not subscribed to the patreon you get a 7 day free trial, you get extra bits from these podcasts also you get them earlier plus extra videos like the drunk episodes when we get me and some other people drunk and try spill some secrets” you just look at him unimpressed as he carries on.

by now your on the subject of sex and relationships jared talking about this girl he is going out with tonight and how he would love to have something with her as theyd been speaking for months “yea jared i think you just gotta go for it, no woman wants a man who takes their time, and they don’t want to beg for it either ” you say giving him a woman’s perspective “oh yn you were begging for it last night” zach says smirking earning an oh and oh shit from jared and alyssa you just completely gobsmacked on what this man just said to you “oh please like i would go to you for that your probably not even as good as you make out zach, actually alyssa can you relate to this a man always says he knows what he’s doing yet he can’t get it in the right hole” jared and alyssa start laughing hesring a very quiet yes from alyssa as zach says “oh trust me i know what i’m doing” you didn’t look impressed “hm ye still don’t believe it sorry zach” he’d had enough at this point he wanted to throw you over his shoulder, take you upstairs and prove it while you were screaming out his name “don’t play with me princess”, jared just gasped and alyssa just started laughing you however just turned over and said “of course i’m gunna mess with you other wise your gunna wind me up so” looking over at him letting your eyes drop for a mere second you saw him readjusting himself seeing a massive bulge in his pants looking up with him smirking at you.

alyssa and jared start having a conversation about something i’m not sure what i was zoned out thinking about what zach said and his bulge until you were pulled out by zach coming closer to you wanting to whisper something “i’m gunna fuck you so hard after this your not gunna be able to even speak and say i didn’t know what u was doing, you understand me gorgeous?” you nod while backing away just smiling jared and alyssa obviously caught on “um guys what you saying over there” knowing you were caught until zach chimes in “oh i was just asking yn about something i heard about her clothing line and it’s true but not able to say sorry. it’s a secret” you sigh knowing zach just saved your ass and his.

after 1 hour of you and zachs glances you started you flirt with jared to get a reaction out of zach, must say he contained himself pretty well until the pod finished you said your goodbyes to jared and alyssa claiming you were gunna hang out with zach for a while as you haven’t seen eachother in months they believed it obviously as it is true you did miss him but you needed him now, as soon as they walked out that door you said “so you gunna prove it to me or what?” walking over to him looking up batting your eye lashes without a word he smashes his lips into yours quietly letting out little moans and gasps as he picks you up taking you to his room he throws you on the bed hovering over you “hm you look so good today” moaning while he’s kissing your neck “you too baby, wanted to have my way with you since i first met you” you moan against his touch not knowing this as you thought you guys were just friends with the occasional flirt “take your clothes off princess wanna see you” he says throwing his shirt some where across the room, after hearing those words you have never done something quicker you were lying there naked while zack still had his jeans on he slowly started kissing down your stomach reaching down to your bare dripping pussy “this wet already baby? hm someone’s needy” saying with a grin before you could answer he dived into your pussy sucking your clit making you scream out in pleasure “hm zach more baby please” he starts to pump his fingers in and out of you sucking and licking your clit, you could hear his tiny little moans and the vibrations coming off, “could jared eat your pretty pussy like this baby?” he says hint of jealousy in his voice you shake your head unable to focus “words princess” he says picking up his pace “no! daddy you do it better than anybody” you say about to come until he stops what he’s doing and looks up at you “what did you just call me?” you now are very embarrassed yet the words come out you couldn’t stop it “d-daddy” he smiles looking at you “fuck princess i cannot do this i need to be in you” you sigh then spreading your legs for him as he unbuckles his belt letting the cold air hit your core “fuck gorgeous such a good girl for daddy” he says slipping into you, he’s massive so much bigger than you thought “fuck daddy your huge” that just gives him a boost and he starts picking up the pace, “oh baby you don’t how long i’ve wanted to do this” he says moaning in your ear “me too daddy needed your cock for so long hmm” screaming without a care who heard you “your mine princess” you moan at the words nesrly making you cum alone “all yours daddy” you say trying to fight for breathe “what princess didn’t quite hear you?” ramming into harder and deeper “i’m yours daddy all yours!!” shouting even louder before he utters “good girl” as his thrusts get sloppy “where do you want me beautiful” without even thinking you say “in me daddy i’m on the pill” he does a couple more thrusts before you both are cumming the hardest you ever have, nobody has ever made you feel this way and you loved it, he pulls out of you now all cocky “that prove it to you huh” saying all confident “wasn’t even that good” you say smirking “hm i wish i could believe that but your moans and words say different gorgeous” he says before getting something to clean you both up.

as you were laying there he says “i meant it you know” you look up at him confused “your mine now, not letting you go” you just kiss him as you fall asleep tangled up together.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

hope you guys like this, i am currently on the ganja writing this so i apologise if there’s any mistakes or anything❤️❤️

[visualtaehyun]

I'm feeling too euphoric and happy right now to form coherent thoughts so no meta, just all the vibes I took down while watching, just cleaned them up a bit!

Disclaimer: not a native Thai speaker, feel free to chime in with corrections 🙏

Pisaeng feels like he's holding Kawi back, huh?

I'm incredibly confused cause all I can find googling some of these lyrics is a 4 year old twitter clip of Krist singing these lines in a car, apparently he wrote it but it wasn't released at the time but I don't know if it ever did lol

Because the word love / It begins with the word us But in the very end (you gave it to him/them) / Our love (covered) And this (thing) is your truth / (covered) The word us became him/them, right? / (covered)

I LOVE THE DIFFERENCE IN DELIVERY ("No, I'm free today") between the first time they switched to ผม (pom) / คุณ (khun) vs. this time when Pisaeng has obviously been using them for years and years so it doesn't feel new but so very normal

THIS TIME THERE'S NO PRONOUNS ถ้ากลัวก็จับมือกันไว้นะ = If (you're) scared then hold each other's hands

VS. THE FIRST TIME INTENTIONALLY HAVING THE NEW PRONOUNS ถ้าคุณกลัว จับมือผมไว้ = If you're scared, hold my hand/you can hold my hand

This episode completely reframes ep. 10:

it's clear that it was meant to be like this from the start, Pisaeng using the crystal ball was just as much predestined as Kawi using it!

ep. 10-12 have told one continuous arc and I'm in love with that

sidenote: now I finally get what Gawin meant when he said Krist stepped out of his comfort zone/did something daring (can't remember his wording tbh) but he was talking about the rides ofc!

Taking note here of how much more PDA there is and how they're getting comfortable with it (cheek kiss while taking a selfie, holding hands before getting on the roller coaster, holding hands after talking about being afraid of the future, holding hands at Pear's wedding)

"Don't you want tomorrow to come?" = coming to terms with having limited time in this world and with our loved ones and making the most of our time

The fact that Gawin's OST Unable plays when he's asked Kawi What if we didn't date :( followed closely, in the next part, by Pisaeng saying I love you to Kawi, please my hearttt

AND KAWI REPEATS IT BACK TO HIM AWUHCSGDYGCZY ถ้ากลัวก็จับมือกันไว้นะ If (you're) scared then hold each other's hands

Pisaeng and Kawi both said they wouldn't change anything about their future together but by choosing each other so much more enthusiastically and openly, they are making a change :)

it's still on my brain from earlier- the significance of the the sun and the color yellow associated with elder queer max imparting wisdom @telomeke

so sunroof down = the sunlight here standing for being openly queer, being out vs. Pisaeng earlier bringing up that he'd be fine hiding if it meant Kawi could attain fame and success as a singer

all the yellow! the light of the crystal ball, Kawi's hospital gown, the decoration for the surprise welcome home party, the warm sunlight at the beach at the end

The writing on Max's jacket 👀

Time always leaves the (lesser? better?) people to the end, for like ? just like wind, disappearing ? while love is like water, (having? leaving?) ?

Handholding is their love language <3

What a beautiful ending to a beautiful series! It's definitely going into my favorites (pun absolutely intended)

[adultswim2021]

Neon Knome: “Pilot” | February 22, 2010 (online) | Pilot

I have to admit: I don’t think I’ve ever watched this. I remember liking it, though. I think I just saw a clip and then forgot I never saw this whole thing and just assumed I must’ve liked it. Well: guess what? I liked it. 

I decided that I liked this so much (despite never having seen it) that I also, at one point, blind-purchased a Paper Rad (the art collective behind this and other things similar to this) DVD called Trash Talking about ten years ago, used at Amoeba records. Inside of it was a cardboard sleeve containing another DVD labeled Problem Solverz, the name of the TV show that Neon Knome sorta mutated into. That Problem Solverz is 23 minutes long, and doesn’t seem to have anything to do with this other than being in the same style. 

For those who don't know: this show was actually picked up, but not by Adult Swim; it aired on Cartoon Network and it's title was changed to Problem Solverz. I didn't watch it, either. The Cartoon Network show was reviled, currently sitting on IMDB with a 2 out of 10 user rating. WOW! I am assuming it's because it was too good.

A segment on the DVD for Trash Talking is a short called “Gone Cabin Carzy” (sic). It’s an actual precursor to this pilot, with the same guys in it and stuff. Also the kick-off segment of the DVD includes the narrator character from Neon Knome, but not voiced by famous gay internet user George Takai like he is here. 

The thing about this pilot is that is that the plot is sorta inessential. There IS a plot: three roommates find a large car-sized roller-blade in their yard. Fearing their landlord might get mad at them for storing something in their yard, they take it upon themselves to dispose of it. They camp out in the woods after getting lost, and it turns out that it belonged to their landlord, voiced by Amy Sedaris. That was the plot, which earlier, if you remember, I said was "sorta inessential". A better way to capture the show's essence is to focus more on the art style and the absurdist dialogue. The art looks amateure but elaborate, as if Windows added an animation suite to MS Paint. The humor is sorta Xavier-esque with it’s non-sequiturs, but not as coarse or vulgar. It’s mostly just weird stuff. 

It’s also HIGH ART and I respect it. It takes a special kind of brain to get me to laugh at three guys unrolling a huge sleeping bag. It’s not even a joke. Almost nothing in here is jokes. But it manages to be more amusing than most of these pilots. I’m glad it became a show, but I don’t think I agree with the decision to let something this weird be on Cartoon Network proper instead of Adult Swim. This is the kind of stuff Adult Swim needs more of. They dang-ass fumbled with this one. I'm guessing they found it too "PG" for the block. Weird to think Baby Blues was on Adult Swim but not this.

The entire thing is on youtube and archive. It shows a date from 2007 on the opening slate, but as far as I know made it's public debut here. I would like to bet it may have played at an animation or film festival or something like that.

NOTE: My ranking conventions originally dictated that I would wait until all installments of each pilot have aired (Soul Quest Overdrive and Yappy Broads still have additional episodes yet to premiere) but that’s a dumb, pointless rule and only demonstrates my pedantry. So: 

Neon Knome > Snake ‘n’ Bacon > Duckworth > Southies > Yappy Broads > Cheyenne Cinnamon > Soul Quest Overdrive

[airenyah]

Hi, I came to report to you that your ql music research is rubbing off on me 😅 I was watching ep 2 of Ploy's Yearbook (for Joong and Namtan 😍), when suddenly I recognized a piece of music!! But I couldn't place it, so I tried to remember which series have I watched so many times that I'm familiar with the music. I reached the tentative conclusion that it must be from SIMM or possibly from Hidden Agenda (but I definitely connected it to JoongDunk). Maybe I need to do a complete rewatch of both series to confirm, what a hardship 😂 I just wanted to tell you that maybe aside from being a JD vampire bl truther, this will be your other legacy

oh my god, that's amazing!!!!!! i LOVE to hear that!!!!! i'm actually planning on making a side blog focused on shared royalty free music in thdramas, but that's something that is earliest going to happen in the summer if not in the winter. i wanna work my way through some of my fave shows first, because those are the soundtracks i'm more likely to recognize and i just wanna have them on my google doc before i go put everything in tumblr posts (which is also gonna take forever bc my google doc is currently at 100 pages worth of entries sjkfkjsfdj)

aaaaanyway, re: music in ploy's yearbook

was it by any chance desert caravan by ludvig moulin? i haven't watched ep2 yet (i was actually about to go watch it when your message came in and i couldn't help answering it first kjdkfdg), but i did see a clip of it earlier in jimmy's insta story and the scene had this music in the background. it has come up in episode 1 already as well. if it was this, then good job on connecting it to a joongdunk show because it actually has come up on hidden agenda a couple of times! i'm still missing the last 3 episodes on my music collection, but these are the time stamps so far:

ep1 pt1 - 0:13

ep3 pt2 - 0:20

ep4 pt1 - 4:32

ep8 pt4 - 8:08

And here are the time stamps for ep1 of ploy's yearbook:

ep1 pt1 - 11:10 / 17:41

ep1 pt2 - 1:50

ep2 pt1 - 9:38

ep2 pt2 - 0:27

ep2 pt3 - 3:09

ep2 pt4 - 3:07

you might also have recognized get up on that horse by spring gang as the music that plays in bad buddy at the beginning of ep7 when pat is in the car (ep7 pt1 - 1:20) or also in ep12 when patpran claim they broke up (ep12 pt3 - 3:45). oh but wait, it's definitely connected to joongdunk, you said? well, as it turns out this one has actually come up in star in my mind a lot. like. A LOT:

ep1 pt2 - 5:55

ep2 pt1 - 4:00

ep2 pt4 - 1:02

ep3 pt2 - 1:15

ep3 pt3 - 1:55

ep3 pt4 - 1:17

ep6 pt2 - 1:23

ep7 pt2 - 1:48

ep7 pt4 - 0:48

ep8 pt1 - 4:33 / 5:41

ep8 pt3 - 5:07

and here are the time stamps for ep1 of ploy's yearbook again for reference:

ep1 pt1 - 13:00

ep1 pt2 - 2:26

ep2 pt1 - 8:37

and here, have a bonus because why the fuck not: moonshiner's turn by martin landström. this one has shown up in ep1 pt4 of both bad buddy as well as 23.5 degrees. also found in ep1 of ploy's yearbook at:

ep1 pt1 - 18:53

ep1 pt3 - 6:16

ep2 pt1 - 0:35 / 17:30

well, i'm gonna go watch the new episode now! feel free to check back on this post in a couple of hours, i might edit it or add a reblog with all my findings about the music in ep2 😂

edit:

i've added the ep2 time stamps to the aforementioned ones! and i found new music as well!!

maybe the one you recognized as a joongdunk series music in ep2 was winning hand by ealot. it came up in star in my mind a couple of times:

ep1 pt4 - 3:00

ep2 pt2 - 2:20

ep4 pt2 - 9:16

ep8 pt3 - 4:17

it featured in ep2 of ploy's yearbook at following timestamps:

ep2 pt1 - 16:58

ep2 pt3 - 3:45

and there was some more bad buddy music as well (diggin' the drama by the new fools) and it amazes me that my brain immediately went "we know this!!" considering it showed up in bad buddy exactly one single time (ep7 pt2 - 13:45). bad buddy really has wormed its way into my brain in every single aspect in the last two years huh djkfkjdfg. anyway you can find it in ep2 of ploy's yearbook at:

ep2 pt1 - 11:10

apart from these, there were also two pieces of music that sounded increeeedibly familiar to me but neither shazam nor google could come up with any results! i'm gonna have to click through my "not found" list at some point, maybe they're already there. here are the time stamps if you're curious:

first one i can't find (ep2 pt3 - 2:06)

second one i can't find (ep2 pt3 - 7:09)

this is gonna bug me for a while....

[ardent-fox]

Tag Game Masterpost

Got tagged by some wonderful humans, including @celestialmickey, @energievie, @creepkinginc, @metalheadmickey and @look-i-love-u to complete these fun tag games, thank you and spring blossoms to each of you! 💐💙

********

✨️ Tag Game Tuesday Wednesday ✨️

Name: Lyds ⚘️

Age: 34 for another 4 weeks or so 🗓

Where in the world are you? Europe, middle of nowhere📍

The meaning behind your URL: 'Ardent' is one of my favorite words, husband calls me Foxxy cause of my red hair, also it sounds like 'ardent fucks' together so cheeky win 🍑

Your second favorite color: Dusty pink 💕

Any pets? Jasper the bun 🐇

Favorite season: Spring, I feel as if I'm in love with the whole world during it, it kicked in earlier this year and I'm absolutely fine with that 🌸

Last thing you read: Galladrabbles. My brain has been doing its cute thing where it can't focus on reading or writing anything longer than that for the past few weeks 🙃

Last song you listened to: I played the Crazy Ex Girlfriend soundtrack while getting ready to go out, so Gettin' Bi (which has become an anthem of mine ngl) 🎵

What are you wearing right now? A hoodie with a crumbling print of a tattooed and pierced out princess Jasmine taking a selfie, black sweatpants and socks with chihuahuas wearing Santa hats on them, my go-to sexy at home look 😅

A hobby of yours: Writing fanfiction and planning our home makeover, both usually taking place only in my head 💭

Your comfort show or movie: Got several, going with Pride and Prejudice (the 1995 BBC miniseries) this time 📜

And finally, what are you up to today? Had a monthly supply of hay delivered to me this morning, went to a job interview that went surprisingly well, did some chores and now I'm chilling here 😎

********

✨️ Tag Game Fandom Edition ✨️

Your name: Lyds 🌸

Your age: Still 34 😅

Your first fandom(s): Not sure what qualifies, but probably House M.D. 🩺

Your current fandom(s): Though my hyperfixations are always changing, Shameless/Gallavich is the only fandom I actively engage in 🧑🏼‍🤝‍🧑🏻

How did you first get into fandom? I was part of a Tim Burton/Johnny Depp RPG message board where I played 3 characters and we also used to write what I now realize was fanfiction on the spot over MSN. A bunch of us were obsessed with House M.D. and someone must have mentioned fanfiction.net to me cause I got hooked on reading Hilson and Huddy stories around the same time 👀

How long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? The RPG/House era started in 2008, but I didn't become active on Tumblr and AO3 until getting involved in the Shameless fandom as of April 2022 🗓

How often do you read fanfics? When my brain is in the right place, I'd say a couple stories a week 📱

Top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Ian gallagher, Mickey Milkovich, Castiel (still going through Supernatural and loving every bit of it) 💙

Have you ever written a fic for a fandom? If so, shout it out! Yes, still at one completed ficlet and a Galladrabble collection on my AO3, not counting the 5-6 WIPs I have in my docs 📂

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Nope, can't draw to save my life 🙃

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: Probably not the most original one, but Mickey never liked his full name until Ian stated he thought it was beautiful. Him using it in his wedding vows is symbolic of him reconciling with the darkest parts of himself and accepting them before offering his whole self to Ian, a declaration of love for both of them in his own way. The fact that it somewhat mirrors the act of him apprehensively coming out in front of his own hostile audience, only to confidently show his self-acceptance and love for Ian in front of their favorite people 6 years later is just icing on the (wedding) cake 💖

You’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. What episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? The "I can explain this" scene when Mickey gets shot in the ass and the social worker appears at the Gallagher house, it's peak Shameless madness 😄

And finally, what does fandom mean to you? A sanctuary of creativity and comfort where we can all be, make and enjoy whatever we want, the closest thing to utopia there is 🫶

Tagging @ian-galagher, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, @gallawitchxx, @gardenerian, @squidyyy23, @juliakayyy, @whatwouldmickeydo, @auds-and-evens, @thisdivorce, @sleepyfacetoughguy and whoever sees this and would like to play! ✨️

[afrognamedfizzarolli]

I want to add a bit to this, cause Truth Seekers is one of my favorite episodes which means I've watched it a lot and thought about it even more.

I think what we are seeing in that clip is Blitzø realizing/accepting he's fallen in love with Stolas, but not it happening in that moment. Shortly before, during his bad trip, his hallucinations of Stolas asks this:

Though he might not realize it, his subconscious does. He's fallen. He's in love with this man. A fucking prince. He's burying it so far down because he's convinced he has no chance, that Stolas sees him as a sex toy with a pulse, nothing more.

But when Stolas saves him? For the briefest of moments, he thinks he might have a chance. That maybe, just maybe Stolas does actually care for him. But he buries it back down, too afraid to give his hopes up.

I think it was somewhere between The Harvest Moon Festival and Truth Seekers that he actually fell in love. We see that he does truley care for Stolas in his altercation with Striker. He may play it off, but he genuinely wants to keep him safe. And if his insecurities about how Stolas sees him weren't bad enough already, Striker makes sure to drill it in his head more.

Slight spoilers for Apology Tour in this paragraph only: We know for sure now that Blitzø never told Stolas about Striker's first attempt, he said it was because he didn't think it mattered. I don't believe him. I think he was trying to protect Stolas, he even said earlier in the episode that the festival was somewhere he felt safe, and Blitzø didn't want to take that away from him. He didn't want Stolas to be scared. He handled it, there was no reason to tell Stolas.

Also like, I need to talk about this part for a second as long as I'm here:

The way Stolas so effortlessly picks Blitzø up, and Blitzø lets him, there was no resistance. He trusts Stolas to hold him. And then their kiss (which this was the first time we saw them kiss on screen) It might turn more dirty passionate, but at first its so gentle. Thats not how you kiss a fuckbuddy/fwb. Theres genuine love there. Like Blitzø has said himself, they don't do words, they do sex. So what does Blitzø suggest? Fucking Stolas' brains out. Theres so much he's feeling but he can't or is too scared to say it with words, so he told Stolas in the only way he knows how.

Do you think this is the moment he fell in love?

Okie, it's time to shitpost speculate a bit on my favorite moment in the whole show: the end of the Truth Seekers episode.

Do you think this was the first time Blitzø was protected? Taken care of? Saved?

Just look at how in awe he is, eyes wide open, jaw dropped. I doubt we've ever seen a face like this before or after. Of course, it might also have something to do with seeing Stolas in his true form for the first time. It was eerie and terrifying, but also sublime and exalting. Oddly attractive even, maybe?

This owl demon, with eldritch ancient powers and two dozen legions, was there just for him. Stopped in his tracks of whatever royal deeds he was attending to and came to stand up for Blitzø, to scare the shit out of his... well, fuckbuddy's (or not really?) perpetrators. Stolas watched after him, knew he was in trouble! So he... cared?

I am going to repeat my starting statement - he is not used to being worried about. Here, Moxxie clearly prioritizes Millie (no blame here, it's completely valid!), and helps Blitzø to get up only after the latter sarcastically sneered, "Oh, yeah, thanks, I am fine!"

And Loona, at least until the Queen Bee episode, which happens later, was very hesitant to show even a grain of affection toward Blitzø. We know she cares, but it's not always enough to just have it in mind and not demonstrate it.

And here is Stolas, caressing Blitzø, asking if he is alright, calling him 'darling' - another first in their relationship, at least on screen. Look how confused he is for a moment; he looks away and up (defensive? scared? annoyed?) - has he ever been asked things like that before? Notice how his face relaxes after Stolas strokes his forehead. Our guy is tough, no doubt, but I bet he just realized how nice it is when there's someone who cares.

Hell knows, these five seconds are a single thread holding my mental health together after the shitshow in the Full Moon and Apology Tour episodes.

Of course, there's the second part where Stolas tones down the grandiosity of his gesture. He scolds the crew for not being careful and jeopardizing him along with them, implying that the book exchange should remain a secret. Then he negates it himself - luckily for them, demon-obsessed lunatics are not taken seriously in the human world.

I don't think this changes anything. The first thing he did was to ask if Blitzø is okay. Only after he was reassured Blitzø is fine did he begin to rant, and even then his concern addressed both the crew letting themselves into trouble and his own safety. Again, why wouldn't it be valid? However I look at it, I don't think the book is his primary interest here.

And is this the first time we see Blitzø blushing?

This blush! I bet my life that Mister Blitzø 'boring-as-fuck-monogamy' Buckzo hasn't even internalized it yet, but oh, did his heart just do a big somersault.

Listen to my voice: This is the moment he fell, even though he didn't know it himself yet. Poor boy has a lot of work to do to unlearn his coping mechanisms and let his walls down.

Thank you for coming to my sappy stand-up, don't forget your coats on your way out. *drops mic*

P.S. Oh, I lied to you. There's a bonus "Blitzø just fell so hard" face in the Seeing Stars episode, haha. Apparently Stolas's human form is just as hot as his true demonic one lol.

[mannhuman]

My Thoughts on Super Dimension Fortress: Macross

Vanvan reminded me I like jotting my thoughts on shows/movies down in public, so with the creation of my Tumblr account I can actually do that without a 2,000,000,000 post thread.

Anyways, I found Macross from a remix of Chirei Ito's "Merry Christmas" called Super Riser! by Nanidato, played over a montage of Do You Remember Love? clips, and I thought "Huh, that looks cool" and decided to watch it, not realizing there was a diference between the movie and the 1982 anime.

Super Dimension Fortress Macross is a classic mecha anime about 3 things: Love, War, and the raw brainmelting power of music. Being the first entry it has the element of surprise, tricking you into thinking it's a mecha anime, when in reality the mechs have 0 importance, and are intentionally designed to not be the main focus. It's actually all about war being GAY and we should actually all just MAKE HOT ALIEN SEX LOVE!

While it starts off slow, I got real attached to the characters real quick, even the side characters hold a place in my brain rent free, as it really made me feel like I know them personally, even though at first glance they seem bland. Also this image is the entire relationship of the main characters:

The story is incredibly unconventional as well, as the last 11 episodes of the 37 episode series are a glorified epilogue detailing the realistic consequences of the choices they made, and how they deal with them.

Speaking of realism, it was an interesting choice to make the whole series grounded in realism, which you really wouldn't expect from a mecha anime, especially one from '82. The worldbuilding is solid, and did about as good for suspension of disbelief as you could get for its time. Probably the only 2 parts of the story that broke that suspension was in the earlier episodes where a whole town seamlessly warps into the Macross, and to a lesser extent the first beauty pageant was a little jarring.

I'd like to take a moment to really appreciate real quick how Ichijou Hikaru, the main character, gets a TON of development as a person. Even though his personality doesn't change, it's charming seeing how his thought process changes due to what happens to him and the consequences of his own actions. It's subtle, but it's EXTREMELY appreciated.

The music is SO GODDAMN GOOD. Even though for a while you'll get REAL tired of hearing THE SAME SONG OVER AND OVER AGAIN, Lynn Minmay's music catalogue expands, and I don't think I dislike even one song, considering her VA is an actual musician.

Finally, I'd like to mention how the antagonists, the Zentradi fleet, grow more and more human the more we know about them. From the very first few episodes, it's made clear that they're not just a generic warmonger alien species, though warmongers they are. Hm...... Have you ever wanted to fuck a giant? Have a kid with one? Start a family with her and dedicate your everything to her after beating her in a video game? It's that kind of show.

Anyways, if you can stand some funky 80's animation, SDF Macross is a classic I don't think I'm capable of forgetting. Episode 26 is probably the greatest thing I've ever seen, had me on the verge of tears, and I don't think I'm quite capable of putting my feelings into words. As of writing this I've watched Flashback 2012, Do You Remember Love?, Macross Plus, and I'm like halfway through Macross 7. This is a phase that'll last a while. Fuck me, I guess.

[agermanadventurer]

A start

Let’s start somewhere shall we?

The German language is generally considered quite hard because of it’s grammar - which is understandable. If you are a monoligual English speaker you have never encountered the different complexities that are going to show up. But have no fear-! All of these things have been learned before and can be learned by you if you aspire to. I am not going to make this blog a step-by-step blog to learn German - I simply don’t have neither the time nor the patience to do that. But I will guide you to some free sources to get started to be able to follow along with other things I’ll be talking about in the future, and these are both things I’ve come across in my studying and also things I wish I had found earlier.

BOOKS (pdfs)

german language course - Simply named German Language Course is a pdf book that is written by several collaborating authors in an effort to create a beginner’s guide to the German language. It’s constantly being improved but the newer version here is lacking a bit and the original release from 2006 linked above is a bit more put together but choose from your own accord.

basic german - Basic German, a text/work book for grammar! Really- there’s a lot of grammar in there but it’s quite easy to navigate and can be useful for anyone learning the language or the grammar. 

mein-deutschbuch.de - Mein Deutschbuch is technically a website but nevermind that. It offers lists of different grammar rules and gives you excercises to practice your grammar. The only downside is that everything is in german. It’s great for more advanced learners though.

pdfdrive.com/german-language-books - And here’s a link to many other free books that can be downloaded.  

YOUTUBE CHANNELS (for language learning)

Get Germanized - A youtube channel dedicated to teaching it’s viewers German and also about the German culture. There are full course German videos only focusing on exposing and teaching as well as shorter videos with cultural comparisons and entertainment. 

Easy German - Easy German publish videos for both advanced learners and beginners. They focus much on teaching spoken German but also talks about grammar,  and they offer new vocabulary. 

Learn German - A channel that uses a simple artstyle to explain different parts of the German language. The channel also sorts their videos after language level so even for someone in level C1 might find something useful in there.   

Learn German with Herr Antrim - Herr Antrim wants to teach you German for free. His videos brings up grammar, pronounciation, and tak about the German culture.

Besides these channels you also have plenty of videos repeating german phrases and vocabulary for when you sleep (can’t really recommend to sleep while you listen to them) and you can sit down and take a few notes from those too if you want to become familiar with the sounds and some of the phrases.

YOUTUBE CHANNELS (for entertainment and exposure)

Hi From Hamburg - Lila is an american who moved to Hamburg and is making videos talking about her experience with it and she makes a lot of videos for simple entertainment. Her channel is one of the few English ones I’m going to include in this list. 

Dinge Erklärt - Kurzgesagt -  Kurzgesagt is a channel with pretty animation explaining different concepts, ideas, and myths in our modern society today. They talk about philosophy, science, religious ideas, psychology, and more.

maiLab - MaiLab is a scientific channel in German. In their videos they talk about various topics within biology, chemistry, psychology, or of different concepts and myths in society today.

Related to maiLab are also channels like Quarks and MrWissen2go.

100SekundenPhysik - For those who are into physics, this one can be intresting for you. 100SekundenPhysik brings up and explains physics, but in German and in short comprehensible videos. 

Dagi Bee - For those not as interested in science, here’s an entertainment channel (and a few more after this). Dagi Bee is a channel created for entertainment, she features music videos, make up and hair turtorials, reaction videos, vlogs and more.

Marvyn Macnificent - Marvyn makes entertainment and vlog videos; challenges, make up tutorials and reviews, collaborations (and videos with friends), and also different types of discussions of other social media figures.

Alycia Marie - This channel is for any make up and cosplay fan. Alycia’s channel is made up of make up tutorials, make up reviews and comparisons, as well as cosplay displays. She also have a second channel for her music.

Other channels like Dagi Bee and Alycia Marie is for example Luisa Crashion and Jasmin Azizam

DoctorBenx - A look into the gaming part of youtube and we have DoctorBenx as a prominent figure on the list. His videos consist of him playin games such as Minecraft and Roblox but also GTA5 and simulator/indie games. He works closely with the youtuber AwesomeElina.

Vlesk - If anyone’s still into Among Us you’ll want to check out Vlesk who almost exclusively makes videos of said game at the moment. His channel is rather young still but the older videos are him playing TTT in Garry’s Mod. 

Zombey - For those more intrested in playthroughs, Zombey is more appropriate. His channel features many different games such as Demon’s Soul and Fall Guys. 

APPS

Duolingo - Duolingo is always mentioned when it comes to these things, but it’s a good app. It provides a simple, almost game-like, format that helps you practice different concepts in your target language.

Memrise - Can’t forget Memrise on this list. Memrise uses video clips of real life people using the language to get you to associate the phrases with the situation and to get you to immerse yourself with the language. 

Drops - Drops focuses on visual learning, getting your brain to associate the vocabulary you’re exposed to with the pictures and symbols on the screen. The app is great for learning new vocabulary and you can choose yourself which topic to start with.

Wordbit German - WordBit German is useful for vocabulary exposure. You download it and every time you open your phone a German word is shown on the screen and you can mark different word by familiarity.

HelloTalk - This app helps you to reach out to native speakers of your target language and you can also help others seeking to learn your language. You can send voice messages, make corrections and translate the messages directly. The app can be used for free, but there are many functions that are limited without paying. Other similar apps are also available (often with lower quality but they are free). 

PODCASTS (language learning)

Slow German - The journalist Annik Rubens talks about everyday topics and phenomenons in the german culture and society in short recordings. Perfect to practice your listening comprehension as a beginner and get used to the new parts of the phonology - and it’s available on Spotify. 

Easy German - They also have a podcast! They also talk about the german culture but also topics relevant to the rest of the world, though in a bit more natural speed and with a bit more relaxed manner. (Available on Spotify)

Radio D - Unfortunately not available on Spotify but it is easily found with just a google search (and by the attached link). The podcast is made for complete beginners, guiding you throughout different scenarios and settings and building up your understanding and basic knowledge of the language. Transscripts are also available for download.

Coffee Break German - A series of lessons where the listener, together with the English speaking host Mark, gets to learn German phrases and vocabulary from scratch with the help of Thomas. Each episode is between 20 to 30 minutes so get your pen and paper out to take effective notes. (Available on Spotify)

 You will come across many other podcasts, these are just a good place to start.

PODCASTS (for entertainment)

Eine Stunde History - With new episodes every Friday this podcast takes events throughout history and compare their relevance to today and the future. Perfect for those who have an interest in history. (Available on Spotify)

ZEIT WISSEN - Woher weißt Du dass? - The central theme being science, this podcast gives you a scientific perspective on a new question that is being explored every week. You want to know if humans can hybernate or what the consequenses of having sex with the neanderthals were? Not necessarily! But now you can! (Available on Spotify)

Verbrechen - This podcast features true crime, being led by Andreas Sentker and Sabine Rückert. Sabine is the one talking about the cases she’s been met with throughout her career in law enforcement. (Available on Spotify)

Biologie Passion Podcast - If you have a biology test coming up, if you want to repeat some long lost knowledge from school, or maybe you just have a passion for biology - then this is a good podcast for you. Christian Schweda is happy to teach (or reteach) you some biology. (Available on Spotify)

Eli’s Abitur Crashkurs - For those of you who are study freaks in general, you can visit Eli on Spotify! She has made a podcast on everything she has to study for during her Abitur. And the best thing is - they only come in 10-20 min episodes. But be aware for speedy speech. (Available on Spotify)

Die Copycats - Both on Youtube and on Spotify these guys talk about all sorts of nerdy things from video games to bad music and give their opinions on many other things. They’re quite small so go and give them a bit of love. (Available on Spotify)

#QueerAsBerlin - Not available on Spotify unfortunately. But as the title suggests is this podcast a commentary, interviews and a view on different aspects of social problems through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community in Berlin.  

Bin ich Süßsauer? - For my fellow asian LGBTQ+ people out there; this underrated podcast features an asian host in Germany, talking about different parts of LGBTQ (from what I understand the host themselves are trans and therefore the general theme) with different guests. Of course this can be enjoyed by anyone, just a small shout out for diversity. (Available on Spotify)

Schnapsidee - der Podcast über Liebe, Love & sexy sein - From the name alone you are most likely able to deduse the theme of this podcast. Anna and Paula talks about their love life, relationships, and sex! Their content is lighthearted and enjoyable to listen to. (Available on Spotify)

Dick und Doof - Without any real theme to their podcast, the two friends Sandra and Luca is having a great time, and we get to listen to their conversations about anything and everything. The both of them focus mostly on humour, sprinkled with an insight in their private lives. (Available on Spotify)

Alliteration am Arsch - Or AAA in foreshortening, features Bastian Bielendorfer and Reinhard Remfort who found themselves as friends after realizing the things they had in common and now we get to listen as the both of them discuss anything and everything through the lens of comedy. (Available on Spotify)

[incandescentflower]

Triage and bad buddy wips? Off topic but what is your top 5 songs atm, and your top 5 films of all time?

Hello anon! If I go back to naming my anons I think I'd have to call you identity crisis anon because whoa did the question about my top 5 films of all time take me on a journey. 😂 I've been thinking about it, talking about it with friends and just generally consumed with indecision. That said, I tried my best to come up with an answer that I think speaks to the goal here, learning a bit more about the stories I like. I've put it over here with my top 5 songs atm to keep this ask from getting egregiously long.

So to your questions about the wips - funny thing, I talked about one Triage fic in an earlier answer about soft epilogue and then the episode 9 comfort fic, I actually just posted. BUT, since then I started thinking about possibly another Triage fic. This one is after soft epilogue (which seems to be shaping up more as process Tol's grief epilogue), and is a bit of character dynamic exploration after TinTol have moved beyond all that has happened to them. I enjoy thinking about how Tol is likely the more open and creative one, while Tin, although very passionate, is more by the book. And so I have a little scenario about Tol trying to get Tin to "play" with him a bit and some awkwarness and cuteness (and hopefully hotness) ensues. It's really what they deserve.

For Bad Buddy, I shared over on twitter an excert for the identity swap fic that has a name now, The Triple N project. And I shared it there because someone had once posted a clip pointing out Nanon exists in the BBS universe because Pat sings Nanon's song while waiting for Pran in his car and I was hit with the need to write an identity swap fic where Pran has to pretend to be Nanon. Pat gets close to Pran thinking Pran is someone else. I started it recently and I think it will be fun.

the boy next door is mostly an idea, but it's a slight AU of one of my favorite book series, the Raven Cycle. It is about leylines, energy and magic. In my made up brain AU Pat wonders about a boy next door who he rarely sees. His parents tell him to stay away from him and their family. And Pat figures maybe they are right because weird stuff always seems to happen in their neighborhood and Pat's parents always blame their neighbors. But after one day when Pat's sister falls very ill and a medicine from the doctor appears almost out of the blue, Pat really thinks something is off. And of course, because he is Pat, he's gonna find out what it is.

Ask me about my WIPs

[tomthefanboy]

Dream 3: Youtube VHS Deep Dive

The THIRD DREAM was one part me walking around my college town watching a youtube video on my phone (with headphones) and one part the actual video itself "full screen" in my brain. This felt like my second time watching this video. I had seen it before either earlier last night on a previous night. It was more than deja vu. the first time I had this dream I watched more of the video than this morning, but I remember enough to write it down.

The video itself was a long form investigation video. Like Defunctland meets the Scientology documentary. Slow paced, even toned white man giving context for the images on the screen, switching between the VHS clips/screenshots and graphics from the research. This youtuber's channel was about him finding obscure VHS tapes, explaining their history, how they were made, why they were made, who was in them, and where everyone was now. On short tapes, he would usually play the whole thing at the end and then give the where are they now. On long tapes he would upload the full video himself and put a link in the description, or link to someone else's copy.

The video in the dream started off saying that [this tape] is one that he had seen mentioned every now and then since he started the channel. Again I can't recall the proper name used in the dream so I will just use [this tape]. People had gifs and screenshots and 30 second clips from [this tape] but the whole thing was thought to be lost media. The host had recently received another box of VHS tapes from their mother in the mail and when he found [this tape] and watched it and found it was a COMPLETE AUTHENTIC COPY he had to do this video right away.

He apologized to the fans. He had taken a hiatus to do this video. He had promised that he would be releasing one of two other videos next but the work on them was halted for [this tape]. He promised all the people that had been asking him to cover [1970s VHS report on government scandal with the same feel as The Nixon Tapes] or "WE DON'T WANT FOGHAT, WE WANT INFRASTRUCTURE!" that he would go back to finishing those episodes right away.

The second title is what prompted me to dreamjournal. What was this incredible documentary? I had to know more! Foghat is an old rock band you can google but I know very little about. I can't even name one of their songs. but I brute forced dream brain into telling me about this old VHS documentary because it was so compelling. I suddenly had context for the title despite the youtuber continuing on with his show about [this tape].

"WE DON'T WANT FOGHAT, WE WANT INFRASTRUCTURE!" had started as a rock doc that followed the late 70s tour of the band across the United States. It was supposed to be cool and fun and promote the band's new album after the tour was over. You could sign up for a mailing list and the fan club would be able to pre-order the tapes and get them in the mail after the tour. However, after the documentary did a brief set of interviews with the band in their tour bus at the start of the tour, it shifted to the fans and took a turn. At each concert venue, a growing group of protesters gathered. Following the tour and gaining members until it threatened to shut down the last few concerts by its size and unruliness.

The protesters were fans of the band, but they protested the poor facilities and neighborhoods and roads that the band and the fans were forced to live with on the tour. They had signs counting how many potholes they'd driven over so far. The had facts on the last time some concert halls or arenas had their safety inspections. How many people died in car accidents due to lack of signage or poor road conditions. What the local governments had squandered tax money on instead. What government officials had lined their pockets with embezzled funds meant to repair the roads and public spaces. The whole idea is that the people deserved better and their beloved BAND deserved better!

The end of the rock doc covered the riots that broke out at the Oakland concert and had footage of the cops beating protesters while you could hear the band performing in the distance. there was tense footage of the band and their manager at a conference room at the stadium in LA where the last show would take place, they were on speaker phone with their lawyer and record label executive in New York debating the liability issues of doing their grand finale show. In the end the show went on. The Mayor of Los Angeles did a speech at the venue before the concert, addressing the protester's concerns and announcing a million dollar initiative to repave the neighborhood around the concert hall, including all of the parking of the stadium. (he followed through on this and took credit, but it was questionable whether or not it would have happened anyway). The protesters were happy and all of them got to enjoy the actual concert at the end of their favorite bands biggest tour yet.

Everyone who pre-ordered this documentary was sent a second tape as well, as a thank you and a reward for all the work they did for the band and for their communities. The second tape was a full, multi-camera recording of their concert in LA. In the future that tape would be sold on its own and it would even become a DVD, but the documentary film fell into obscurity, hence people requesting it be covered by this Youtuber.

For closure, in case any of you are still here and curious about [this tape]. That VHS turned out to be a new hire introduction video to a weird multi level marketing operation. They sold health food/seasonings/supplements to be integrated into meal plans or replace them entirely. The thing was, on researching this MLM there was barely any proof of them existing at all. No law suits on record. No merchandise or logos or tax documents. The only leads were in the credits at the end of the video and the production company who made it. The Youtuber discovered that this MLM was actually the money making branch and introductory level of a cult. Not a cult that was public and sought legitimacy as a religion like Scientology. But an actual secret society cult that had to be disbanded after high level members were arrested by the FBI and sentenced to life in prison.

Unfortunately, neither time I dreamed about this Youtuber covering [this tape] did I see enough to know what criminal activities the cult was up to, what happened to the members who weren't arrested, and what the people he was actually able to interview. I don't even know the NAME of the cult because my dreams so rarely give me those precious proper nouns.

But at least my subconscious gave me "WE DON'T NEED FOGHAT, WE NEED INFRASTRUCTURE!".

Double Dreamjournal 7/28/24

Last night I was up late at the hospital with my wife having a very long day, but when I woke up this morning I had a dream with a specific detail so vivid that it was worth writing down, and in the process I remember the two dreams that came before it!

I have journalled the first and third dream and decided that the dream in the middle but it's too hard to explain and involves complicated political topics I don't need people reading into.

Dream 1: The Giant Witch

I am embedded in a modern USA military unit. I think the leader is Giancarlo Esposito (thanks Marvel). We move into position in snowy mountains of some central/West Asia province. A MASH is set up to treat the locals who were injured by our fighting with the enemy forces. The main unit moves forward to recon and prep for the assault on the next mountain to the South where the enemies now are.

As the station fills up with refugees and the sun goes down, the officers get a report that [Rusankya] has been spotted in the area. I say [Rusankya] because I can't actually remember the name from the dream. However, it's well known enough that it has to be kept secret to keep the locals from panicking. The refugees are packed into all the evac vehicles and sent down the mountain to the nearest city for treatment and to remove them from danger.

While this happens some men go missing. As we watch the trucks vanish into the forest below I see a man get plucked off the ground by a giant raven and disappear into the dark cloudy sky. The officer in charge of the MASH (Neal McDonough) gives a briefing/exposition dump about [Rusankya] even though it feels like common knowledge to the viewer. She is an ice giant witch. She travels in a walking pine tree. she is friends with Baba Yaga, this is why sometimes there is a giant pine tree next to her hut wherever it camps. She controls giant ravens and has them pick up men for her to eat or do magic on. But when she finds a village she usually comes herself that same night to kill everyone there.

The military men get paranoid and it becomes a struggle to survive the night. Trying to get gear from outside and fortify the main ramshackle bui8lding without getting picked off, but find a way to last until morning if [Rusankya] does show up. There's a lull in the raven attacks for about an hour and the officer comments about wishing he knew why. was she playing games with them or had she found better targets, they weren't lucky enough to get off the hook that easy.

My dream brain flew through the mountains to see [Rusankya] on a snowy bare mountainside having tea and chatting with Baba Yaga herself. Baba Yaga was on her way to a nearby swamp, just passing through and utterly uninterested in the war zone that had brought [Rusankya] here. In person, [Rusankya] was MUCH LARGER than I expected. the pine tree had a massive curve in the trunk that she could sit on like a throne, the top of the tree just barely reaching the nape of her neck. Making her far taller than the D&D Ice giants. A door in the tree told me she could shrink down to human size if she wanted but this was her natural form. The was wiry, with knobby joints and lean, well defined muscles like a rock climber. She dressed in rags. Her claws and teeth were black and gleamed like obsidian through their filth. But the most interesting part of [Rusankya] was that above her long nose and chin, she had the wall or porch of a wooden house lashed across her eyes like a blindfold. It either blocked her vision or hid her blind eyes, but on it was a massive bloody rune. This allowed her to see through the eyes of ravens. Not just the giant ones roosting in her pine tree (and currently pecking at the remains of the dead soldiers) but ANY raven. Even the ones she did not control.

for some reason this new layer of surveillance made he seem much scarier than I had already (justifiably) felt. Looking at her "in person" made me wonder how the patchwork fortifications of the MASH could possibly survive once she attacked.

Unfortunately that's when my brain moved on to the second dream I am not going to talk about. Suffice to say I was with the refugees.

Next post will have Dream 3.

[nightlight-firelight]

Hi everyone, I’m really hoping you guys like this one! I’m hoping to continue this story, if you all like this. I’m not used to writing for other people, so please give me some feedback on how I could make this more enjoyable.

“Small Things Come With a Awkward Price”

Chapter 1

Getting home was a nightmare and getting back into your room is the top priority in your mind. The trip from Walmart had you exhausted due to the unexpected heat. Looking at your phone, you swear that today was only supposed to be in the seventies. You drop off your grocery bag onto your bed and pull out the item you have been waiting to open up. The Sonic Boom season one DVD set came with Sonic and Dr.Eggman figures. Even though the box was banged up, you bought the set anyway. The thought crossed your mind that a kid tried to open the box to get the figures but luckily didn’t succeed. You opened the banged-up box and pulled the figures out and set them on the bed. Then, taking out the two DVD cases, you set those on the bed and take a walk to the kitchen with the busted box and the excess plastic.

On the way to the kitchen, your thoughts began to wonder why you had picked up the box set to begin with. It was a good price and with the addition of the figures, you thought yourself lucky to get the last one they carried. Looking back, however, you did remember that this box was just under one of the shelving units next to the videogame isle, not even covered by a speck of dust. You had only seen the box when you went to look closer at a price tag, seeing the corner of the disheveled box and its contents. Pacing your dominant foot on the small peddle of the garbage can, the lid lifts from its closed positions and you gently toss the trash into the bin, only seeing a slip of paper glide out of the now trashed box.

You groan in annoyance that you have to take care of the fallen slip and pick up the small piece of paper after a try or two keeping it slightly stick to the floor. You take a closer look at the paper and see that it had some writing to it.

‘Hope you like my surprise!’

Staring at it puzzled you. Who was this for? I wasn’t meant for you to find, at least that what you believe. Was this put in here as a joke or an accident or-,

‘Clack!’

You jump ever so slightly from the odd noise that had pulled you away from your thoughts. The noise appears to come from your room, from the way the sound was only slightly distant and lightly muffled by the walls. You take more of a pep in your step and get to your room to investigate the noise. Taking a look around your room, you find after a minute of looking to see your Sonic figure on the floor. Picking him back up you take a look at him and see that his paint job was really impressive for a small action figure. You rolled him around in your hand and were impressed that the figure, all around, was correctly put together and made. No chip marks, no lack of paint, or extra paint where it shouldn’t be. No mistakes. You smile a bit at the thought and set Sonic on your small table next to your bed. You see that the Dr.Eggman figure, however, was almost to the edge of the bed, laying on his tummy, and had his arms pushed out in front of him. ‘Looks like he pushed Sonic off.’ You laughed at that thought of the plastic toy throwing its plastic arch-nemesis over the edge of the bed.

You pick the doctor up and examine him as well. He just like Sonic with the most impeccable paint job you’ve seen. You blush a bit and hold him more gently. You won’t lie and say that you may have had a crush on the doctor for a while now, not trying to deny it anymore. The first time that you had seen him on screen when watching the cartoon, you had butterflies swarming inside of you. The way he spoke was like music to your ears, and the way that he got when he thought he was about to win was so cute to you. You wished that they had made a third season to keep going with the cute doctor, but alas, good things must come to an end.

Taking the doctor and placing him onto your mountain of pillows you take a new pair of clothing into your bathroom and get cleaned up again, remembering that the heat had not been kind to you earlier. Once done, you put your old outfit into your laundry hamper and grabbed your portable DVD payer from the corner of your room. You had gotten this for the holidays and once you had gotten it, you never put it down for more than a few hours. You open up the player and take the first DVD case and open up the side of it up to show you the contents inside.

Your mood changed to a sour one when you saw the DVD itself. A plain disk with the words ‘Sonic Boom Season One, First Disk.’ repaced what would have been the official disk. You were upset that this was a false product and went to look at the second case. When you opened that one you were greeted by the bootleg copy of the second disk. You set both cases down and head to the kitchen you grab your favorite drink.

‘Really should have grabbed this earlier when I went to throw out the box.’ thinking bitterly as you swing open the fridge door and grab a bottle of your elixir that would of relax the current mood you were in. Opening the cap and dowing a few gulps of the drink, you realized that maybe you might have had gotten a copy that may have been a gift to someone or a factory error. You put the cap back on and take a deep breath. You had wanted to watch the show and still hope that the disks were holding the content you crave.

You made your way back to your room again to find your DVD player’s disk tray opened with the first seasons stuck in the correct spot. You freaked. You KNEW that you did not put the disk is the try, not even taking it out of its case, what is it ended DOING out of the case? You panic for a second and take a look around your home to make sure no one was in the house with you. After a check of the windows, rooms, closets, and even checking under furniture, you concluded that no one could have been in your house. You take a calming breath and sit down on the edge of your bed. You try and come up with some sort of explanation. Mabey you had put the disk in your DVD player and forgot about it. You were a bit sleep-deprived due to the last week of finals, so maybe you may have forgotten? You try and relax and after a few minutes you calm down enough to stop thinking of making scenarios of how this could have happened. After getting a grip, you push the lid down of the DVD player and start up the system. Sitting on your bed, you get to the main menu and sigh of relief that it was a copy of the show and not a knock-off. “So this must be a prototype or an unreleased version, cool.” Speaking to no one in particular. You press play on the first episode, ‘The Sidekick.’ and lean back the ride.

At first, the episode appeared normal. That ended when it got to the scene where Dr.Eggman got the poster for the sidekick tryouts and when the fourth wall gag kicked in and dropped the camera away from the doctor’s face, when he picked it up, however.

“Lousy security camer-.” he had stopped and looked dead into the ‘camera’. His eyes widened and he gave off a soft gasp, and you swore he was looking dead into your eyes, however, the scene quickly changed into the next stop before he could react. You pause the clip there and lean back.

NO WAY that happened. Your brain at the moment was fried and you KNEW he looked at you. Your heart was pounding a mile a minute and you had to take a few deep breathes to make sure you didn’t hyperventilate. ‘Breath,’ You keep telling yourself. ‘Breath!’ After few minutes of reconciliation, you looked back to the paused screen and ponder on what you should do. This has to be edited or who knows what. You were too far into this to give up now. First, the way the box was hidden was now becoming way too suspicious, second the way the figure looked way too good to be sold in a box set like that, and now this? You realized that this might be bigger than what you anticipated. Your eyes connect with the figure on your bed. You wanted to see where this goes. You had to see where this leads. You press play again.

You kept watching and when it got to when the doctor was introduced it was normal until it got to the Doctor entering the try-outs. He would keep going with the same dialog but kept taking glances over to you. The episode kept playing. The ending was different, however. Once BurnBot was destroyed via growing in the ice lake, Sonic and Tails didn’t kick the doctor away from the area. Instead, they did kick the Egg-Mobile out into the distance, but the doctor jumped out, landing in the area around the lake, letting Sonic and Tails leaving the scene. The camera focused on Eggman again as he lifted himself from off the ground and into the camera’s range. This time there was absolutely no way that the Docter did not see you as his expression look of that of confusion and worry. You decided to test out to see if you were going insane or if this was just an amazing edit. You wave to him. He hesitates for a moment. “Who-” But before he could finish that sentence, a very large light appears from the screen, blinding you. You cover your eyes and try to maneuver your body away from the small screen, only forgetting that you were seated in your bed and had just flung yourself off of it. You yelp out of fright and waited to hit the floor. You felt something grab you by the waist and pull you back up on the bed slowly. Uncovering your eyes you were met with something that happens only in fanfiction. A, very real, Dr. Eggman holding you in his hands, keeping you from falling off the bed.

“Hello.” His voice wavers from either the awkwardness of the situation or the fact that he just showed up into your room.

This is awkward.

[sweetestlamb]

No Limits

Summary: Today's episode but minus the lies and with extra sexual tension but it gets resolved, somewhat.

Author's note: Today's episode called me a 🤡 too so in between writing my update for BMTL I wrote this drabble to ease my pain I love that the show keeps teasing us I really do it's delicious but I just wanted them to kiss sooooo badly today so here we go! I could keep going if people like 👀👀👀

P.s. Can an Italian tell me what exactly Vinny said to her in episode 3? Netflix says it was stupid idiot but that's stupida idiota and that doesn't sound like what he said to her in the clip. Help a writer out 🥺

She doesn't know if her father would be proud of her, or what she's been doing after turning away from Babel and reforming into a "good guy", it's borderline sanctimonious to consider herself a hero when she had spent most of the night torturing people. The ominous sound of toxic gas flooding the car still swooshes in her head, there was a moment when she'd truly considered going through with it.

Committing murder.

And he hadn't moved a single muscle to stop her, hadn't even uttered her name to pull her back in on the straight and narrow path to righteousness. In the end that had been enough to stop her, he trusted her enough to make the right decision. Every fiber of her being wanted to snuff out their lives the same way they had done to those innocent suffering families, but it was a line she couldn't return from. She should save it for a special occasion, they weren't worth tainting her soul. But there was someone else who was, Babo.

When the opportunity came, she wouldn't hesitate. Her father would have to look away because she wouldn't be stopping that time.

Before she realizes it they are outside her house, her late father's house and he's telling her good night. She'd ran out of excuses to keep sleeping at his apartment. Wanting to see him first thing when she woke up wasn't a reason she could say out loud to him, at least not sober. She was no longer scared of bumps in the night, being alone seemed more terrifying now.

"Drink with me." She whispers instead, falling back on a tried and true plan. They have become regular drinking buddies, using alcohol to cope and detach from the heinous things they see and do daily.

He looks over at her, wistful and searching before nodding solemnly. He unbuckles his belt and slides out of the car, though it is marginal she can see the hesitation in his movement and the night catches up with her. The blood is soaked into the pristine white of his collar, she recalls the hollow feeling in her chest when he didn't answer her calls and she was left with her torturous imagination. His possible death making desperate tears fall despite promising herself she wouldn't cry again.

She makes her way to the bathroom as soon as she enters the eerily quiet space, noticing the way Vincenzo peeks around the corner always on guard and she's thankful for his presence. With him, she's safe.

Pulling open her medicine cabinet she collects packets of gauze, a small bottle of antiseptic alcohol and a bandage, holding the small bundle in her arms before walking back to the living room. She finds him staring at the embarrassing photos of herself that her father had hung on the walls, she couldn't bring herself to take them down. There was so little of her father left.

"Don't let the hair fool you, I was still a heartbreaker back then. I had boys chasing after me." She lies with a smile and when he turns to look at her with those huge eyes she pauses mid step, his eyes survey her face in a distracting sweep before he smirks and walks away.

Maybe summer has come early, that would explain the sudden overwhelming heat that curls around her.

Shaking herself from her daze she calls out to him, "Hey! Come here before you bleed to death. I don't want the mafia coming after me."

The look on his face is his patent I'm going to refuse because I'm a pouty baby look and she intercepts it as she has become custom to doing, grabbing his hand and yanking him over to the kitchen table. For someone so intelligent he still hasn't learned that his refusals are futile around her.

"I'm fine. It's a shallow wound, it'll stop on its own." He argues and she wonders how many other times he has simply left a wound to fester and painfully heal on its own, was that his penance?

She shakes her head, "Why suffer when I can help you? Stop being so stubborn you're reminding me of a certain patient who you love scolding." He grows chillingly still at her words, and again a thought tingles in her mind that there's something she's missing but she presses it aside and pushes him down into the seat.

He doesn't put up a fight, going a little too easily.

"Open your shirt."

He stares at a point on the wall across the room, not responding to her command at all at first and then he looks up at her with dark eyes. She swallows deeply, raising a single brow.

When he continues to look at her without obeying her instructions she grows impatient, repeating herself, "Come on open your shirt I need to clean the wound."

Still he doesn't react and she carelessly tosses the supplies on the table, reaching out with steady fingers to unbutton his starched white shirt. He discarded the jacket earlier, so there are less layers obstructing her way. His face is unreadable as she grabs the smooth button and slips it through the hole, she gets two buttons undone before reaching the center of his chest and as if jolting back to life he suddenly grabs her hand halting her movement.

She stares at him in question, hands still on the button before he sighs at her, "I can do it myself." There's a tightness in his jaw that she can't explain and she has to stomp out the desire to run a finger across that sharp jawline.

"Okay. You do it."

Looking away she tries to give him some space but the sounds of him undressing capture her full attention and she feels her eyes shifting back captivated by the fluid motion of those dangerous hands. Knowing what they are capable of does nothing to douse the fire under her skin. Frustratedly he has a thin white shirt under the dress shirt and she can only faintly see his toned body through the material. She stares harder willing herself to develop x-ray vision, unfortunately those powers do no manifest.

"Surely I don't need to get shirtless right?" He inquires with a smug air and she glares at him, they've been playing this game for a while now. Longer than two adults should be as far as she's concerned.

In lieu of responding she picks up a fluffy cotton ball and saturates it in alcohol before dabbing at the blood on the nape of his neck, as she swipes higher he hisses at the sting and she remembers what her father would do for her when she was young and had scraped her knee. Leaning over his shoulder she puckers her lips and blows, cooling the burn.

She continues this until the cotton is soaked from the dried blood and alcohol and blowing one final time she draws back, this time she feels smugness simmering in her belly. His eyes are blown and pointedly looking away from her, she notices his tight knuckle grip on the seat of the chair as well.

"I'm all done." She announces moving away walking to the small garbage in the corner of the room. His breaths are loud in the quiet of the room, her heart echoes in tandem. Taking a deep breath she speaks without turning around, "You remember where the clothes are right? Get changed so we can drink."

She moves to the fridge to take out the platters of food they had purchased at the market earlier and the bottles of makgeolli, it was that kind of night.

He looks soft and harmless when he comes back out in a large knit sweater, without gel his hair flops across his smooth forehead and she's still not used to this sight, there's a level of domesticity that she's never had with another person. A man.

"I'll go change too." She whispers sidestepping around him, her hands brushing against his.

It's easy to get lost in their escape, slamming back gulp after gulp of the strong cloudy rice wine until her thoughts start to blur and she doesn't know what she's saying out loud and what's only privy to her brain.

When she hears herself monologuing her thoughts as she had ran into his arms in the underpass all she can do is scream internally, she can blame the alcohol but only for lowering her inhibitions really, it hadn't manifested the thoughts.

He looks stricken and oddly amused by her musings until she tells him to get up. That smile is wiped clean off his handsome face.

"I need to test it. Come on stand up." His reluctance is noted but unable to deny her once more he stands, a long suffering look on his face.

She tells him her plan, it sounds crazy even to her but for some reason he doesn't refuse or question her at all. Agreeing to all her stipulations and she's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially not an Italian stallion.

Ten seconds.

That should be enough to hold her over tonight after he leaves her alone. If she can't lay beside him she needs a tiny piece of him.

Taking a running start she dashes across the small distance, slamming into his hard chest enjoying the juxtaposition of his solid body through the soft sweater. He smells amazing, even without his clothes that expensive cologne still lingers on his skin and she nuzzles into his shoulder. Curling her arm around his body she drags him tighter against her chest, her nipples pebbling with the close contact.

It's been longer than ten seconds and she knows she should stop.

But she really really doesn't want to.

Twisting onto his other side she prepares to let go, already regretting it but her sober thoughts are now pushing to the surface and she realizes what this looks like. Peering up at his face she expects to see that unreadable face again, he's annoyingly good at hiding his true emotions it makes her second this all the time.

Her insides churn when she sees the very face she expected. So she detaches and takes a step back prepared to dismiss this whole ordeal, the words denying her feelings for him already on her tongue when the biting sound of wood scraping against the floor fills the room. Jumping a little at the noise she glances over to the direction of the sound and sees his hands holding the chair in a punishing grip. He immediately releases the object at her glance but it's too late, she's already connected the pieces.

"You're holding back." She confidently states stepping back into the space she'd only just abandoned.

She doesn't ask why, that much is all too obvious.

I didn't want you to get hurt.

Being with him will put her in danger she's seen enough mafia movies to know that friends and love ones are always the first to be taken as leverage. So he'd decided all on his own that this, couldn't be and she was better off without him.

"Stupid idiot." She tries her best to repeat those explosive words with the same emphasis he's used when he had spat her in face not too long ago, watching with satisfaction as surprise shrouds his face as the Italian glides off her tongue. She'd been practicing for a while now, mostly curses words.

Fanculo, was still a favorite. What a fun way to say fuck.

She doesn't give him a chance to question her sudden switch in languages, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer, even more so than the hug they'd just shared.

"We're supposed to share everything, even passion." She boldly declares watching with fascination as he still tries to hold on to his semblance of control, the chair squeaks loudly under his hold and she lunges forward putting them both out of their misery.

It feels like coming home.

If your home was a sauna built on an active volcano.

Unlike their hug earlier this time there's no hesitation as soon as her lips touch his liquor moist ones he's already opening up and devouring her tongue. His immediate response makes her hungry for more, peeling his lips open with her teeth she sucks the remnants of the wine from his mouth, eagerly lapping and searching for more. He grunts at the rough treatment but doesn't back off, rather he sinks those capable hands into the depths of her hair caressing her scalp as he tugs at her head, tilting her to the right and moving instantly to the left slotting them even closer together.

The sound of their kissing is messy and loud, echoing in the still of the night.

She breaks apart with sloppy pop, gasping for air and his flushed red face greets her looking every bit as wrecked as she feels.

"Already regretting it?" He teases with an edge that's a bit too real and she yanks him forward, pressing him down into the chair and crawling onto his lap, legs straddling his thighs and their cores meeting through torturous layers. She's burning hot and moist where he's aching hard and rigid.

"Regretting waiting this long." She replies in a clear challenge waiting to see what he'll do.

"We shouldn't do this, partners is enough. You're already in enough danger as is, if they find out that we're..."

He trails off unable to finish the sentence but his clenched jaw speaks volumes. She chuckles coyly from her spot in his lap.

"What? What are we doing? What do you wish we were doing Mr. Vincenzo Cassano? Fucking? " She grinds down into his groin simultaneously and instantly he grips her hips, halting her movement with a bruising hold.

"You're playing with fire." He warns her, she can hear the metallic click of his ever present lighter at his words.

She should be scared of him, he was a world apart from what she was used to even when she'd been working with Babel, manipulation and bribery those things she could do without batting an eye but murder and torture? She'd had never done anything like this before, never. Not until this Italian Korean enigma had walked into her life and shaken it up like a margarita in a mixer. Was she making the right decision? She had no idea, right and wrong had become blurred a long time ago for her. All she knew was that the idea of not kissing him for another second made her want to pull her own hair out.

"I trust you not to burn me up. Too badly."

His eyes flash dangerously at her words and this time he's the one to initiate this kiss, cupping her head gently and dragging her into a sweeter embrace, a simmering heat now licking at her skin. She moans softly as he slips a wet tongue into her mouth, stroking at her back before pushing his hands up the back of her shirt, his hands are sweltering hot on her naked skin and she arches at the rough touch. They kiss languidly breaking apart only to come back together, each kiss wetter and more mind numbing than the last. With soft suckles to her bottom lip he pulls away, she stares at his soft smile as she chases after his retreating lips. Not ready to stop yet. She won't be ready for a long time.

He glowers at her and she waits impatiently for his next move, with strong arms he lowers her onto the table dishes clanging as he shoves them to the side laying her down like she's his last meal. She expels a loud breath allowing herself to be placed on the table, gasping as he stands looming over her.

"I'm the one in the mafia so why am I terrified of you?" He whispers too honestly, looking devastated as he stares at her helplessly all too ready to bolt.

"You don't want to get hurt."

He stares at her with liquid eyes emotions all but spilled across his face, with a whimper he closes the distance between them once more with her guiding hand on his back, this time they meet in the middle surrendering to the flames.

[pollylynn]

Title: Under My Umbrella WC: 1100 Episode: Number One Fan (6 x 04)

He watches her closely at the Old Haunt. If she were consulted, she would say that he always watches her closely, and he would make a show of protesting. But she hasn’t been consulted, and tonight, in particular, he wouldn’t deny that he’s watching her closely. Here in particular with their whole precinct family gathered around, he is watching. 

There doesn’t seem to be much going on with her that warrants such vigilance, and he’s fine with that. He is fine to hang back and drink her in unabashedly. He is fine to cast significant looks across the bar when some of the precinct family that’s a little more extended tries to get him to fess up about how long they’ve been together. In fact, he’s so fine with that particular element that this may be the first hour at a clip that he has not felt like pouting about the extent to which they have had to keep their relationship on the down-low, because there is very little that is not fun about the vehement arguments ranging from Day 1 to Not Now, Not Ever. (They call themselves Team Publicity Stunt, they are very big into shots of Fireball, and their logic is convoluted to say the least). 

It’s fun to catch her eye and to look up to see her catching his. It’s a relief after he loses her in the sea of revelers to find that she’s doing okay—she’s doing far better than okay—and losing sight of her for a minute or two is not the end of the world, apparently. She’s with Lanie. She’s with Ryan and Esposito. She is being smothered in air kisses by people neither one of them really knows all that well, and she looks happy. She looks relaxed and in her element, and he’s not quite sure why that surprises him. 

It doesn’t actually surprise him. That’s not quite the word—at least he doesn’t think it is—for what’s prompting his vigilance. He’d wondered at first, right after she’d produced the badge, if being back to the Twelfth was actually inclined to bring her joy, rather than simply relief. Because it’s joy he wants for her. It’s joy he will insist upon in every way that’s within his power. It’s joy that prompted the near-fatal Sugar Daddy conversation, which he wishes had gone differently for a number of reasons, and the shocker is not all of them are Pi-related. 

He’d give her time if he could. He would hold both her hands in his and tell her to breathe in, breathe out, and let him just . . . shelter her a while. Not in the literal sense, although that, too, of course. He’d like to be able to shelter her from any dark and twisted tales that might be snaking their way through that magnificent brain of hers—anything that hisses failure or not enough in the dark. 

But it seems she doesn’t need that. He knows the signs. He knows the tight lift of her shoulders when she’s playing to the crowd to keep them off her back. He knows the rhythms of her excising herself to grab a moment or two alone to reset, refill her dealing-with-people reservoirs. And he’s not seeing any of that. He’s seeing nothing but gladness, at the very least, and maybe joy. Maybe. 

But something keeps him watching. Something keeps him vigilant, and there’s a little bit of miserable triumph when she seeks him out when it’s still early, when she slips behind the bar and ducks herself beneath his arm to laugh in the worse-for-wear faces of Team Publicity Stunt. She kisses him just south of his ear and doesn’t mind the catcalls of two dozen cops. 

“Wanna get out of here?” she asks in a voice so low the fact that he hears it at all is proof positive that they’re soul mates. 

“Yeah!” His voice is too bright. He’s too eager, but he can’t help springing into shelter mode. “Yes, let’s . . .” he waves an over-the-top, dismissive hand at the still-hopping crowd. “Let’s ditch these clowns!” 

The performance wins him a strange look—a stranger look than the relatively common sight of him being utterly without chill when it comes to the possibility of getting her alone should really warrant. Her lips tighten and she coils her arm more firmly around his waist. 

“Lanie, on my ten,” she murmurs, and he manages to reverse field to put LT between them and a medical examiner who has very clearly missed having drinks with Beckett—lots and lots of drinks. 

He takes them the long way around the outside of the room, waving her off when it looks as if she’s about to ask if he needs to let Anna know what to do if it’s ever closing time. She is his priority, and they’re somehow out the door in record time, without anyone clinging to their coattails. 

“We could have left earlier,” she nudges him with her hip. It’s playful enough, but there’s some of that strangeness beneath it. “We didn’t have to stay all night.” 

“I’m sorry.” He tips his head down to drop an awkward kiss on the temple. “I should’ve gotten you out of the sooner.” “Gotten me out?” She turns on a heel and places her body in his path. A look of out-of-proportion alarm crosses her face as she goes for his shoulders and tries to dance out of the way when it looks like they’ll collide. “I was getting you out. After everything?” Her fingers flutter unhappily just in front of his chest. She winces as though the molecules of air the motion stirs might cause him pain. “And that has got to hurt.” 

He finds his eyes fixed on the ground as unexpected emotion wells up in him. “You were looking out for me.”

“Yeeeesss?” She gives him an exaggerated duh look, as well she might. 

Of course she was looking out for him, just as he was looking out for her. Of course that’s what’s been going on all night, because they’re together. Out in the open, they’re together. 

He’s on the verge of saying something silly. He’s on the verge slinging an arm around her, rolling his eyes, and saying it’s about time, but there’s joy in the air tonight. There’s gladness in having their partnership restored, and there’s joy in the way they do—and now they can—take care of each other. 

“Nice,” he says quietly. “It’s really nice.” 

A/N: The schmoop almost achieves morphousness here. 

images via kissthemgoodbye

[astarryon]

Amends

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: mentions of violence and weapons, slight language, short fight scene, etc.

Summary: The last thing you expect to find when you come home is the most important ghost from your haunted past.

A/N: Not really sure where this one came from, just something I dreamed up after watching the first episode of TFATWS! Let me know what y’all think!

Masterlist

It’s the sharp, cloying scent of cologne that tips you off.

You don’t think much of it at first, initially having caught the trail of it down the hall from your apartment door. Automatically, you assume it belongs to one of your neighbors, or even one of the guests they’ve invited over for the night. Nothing to harbor any sort of significant concern over.

That changes the instant you reach your front door.

It’s locked. In addition to that, the hall light is off, and from what you can see there’s only darkness to be seen beyond the bottom crack of the door. For all intents and purposes, as far as you can tell, everything is exactly how you’d left it upon leaving your home earlier in the evening. But the closer you’d walked to your door, the more concentrated the scent had become –– to the point that it’s now the only thing your sharpened senses can focus on.

You didn’t used to be like this. Paranoid. Always instantly assuming the worst, to note something as simple as the smell of cologne hanging in the air and immediately jump to the conclusion that it meant someone had finally come to put an end to you. There’d been a time, once, when you trusted easily and laughed with everyone. When you would make conversations with strangers as you passed them by on the street, when you could spend ages soaking in the sun with your eyes closed with no worry of whether you’d open them to find a knife buried in your chest or a bullet lodged in your skull.

But you hadn’t been that way in a very, very long time. And as you crack the door to your apartment open, reaching for the knife hidden at your hip as the cologne’s stench only grows stronger, you can’t help but wonder if that isn’t as much a blessing as it is a curse.

Your apartment is dark, but that doesn’t make much difference to you. You’ve got the space memorized like the back of your hand, know where each corner is and where every weapon is placed –– home court advantage. Stepping inside and closing the door as softly as you can, you make sure to keep your back to the wall, clutching the handle of your knife ever tighter. You might know your way around, but you’ve been intentionally dulling your senses, your reflexes, in an effort to bury the past and leave it behind you. You’re not entirely sure where the intruder is in your home, and you’ll be damned before you let them get the drop on you before you’ve put up a proper fight.

And then you hear it. A creak in the floor boards with the shifting of body weight, just to your right. In your chest, your heart thumps so forcefully that you’re positive its bound to explode right through your ribcage, and you know you don’t have much time, but that doesn’t stop you from slipping your eyes closed for the single spare second you do have and steeling yourself for what’s sure to come before opening them again, sliding your gaze just over your shoulder to assess the present threat.

Your mouth instantly runs dry the moment you lay eyes on him.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he says softly, but your reflexes kick in the moment he speaks and before you can blink, you launch at him in a flurry of fists and panic.

That face. How many hours have you spent trying to convince yourself you would never see that face again, never have that bone chilling, bloodcurdling voice rasping in your ear? How much time have you spent nervously glancing over your shoulder, moving from apartment to apartment because something in your gut told you he was on your trail? You didn’t want to believe it, had always tried to reassure yourself that he was gone –– that all of Hydra was gone –– but you’d never quite managed to convince yourself.

And, given that you’d just walked into your apartment to find the Winter Soldier staring back at you, that was apparently for good reason.

He blocks the first hit you throw at him easily, sidestepping out of its way. The second manages to clip him on the jaw, though it doesn’t succeed in knocking him back as it would on any normal person. He opens his mouth to speak again, but you don’t give him the chance to get a word out before you send a kick flying toward his face. He’s forced to duck and roll, which in turn gives you an opening to launch another kick, but he reaches out with a hand and clamps a vice like grip around your ankle.

All it takes is one decisive tug for him to put you flat on your back.

“Stop,” he snaps, reaching to knock the knife from your grip. Funny, that. In your panic to land a hit on him, you hadn’t even thought to make use of it. “Stop fighting. I’m not here to hurt you.”

It’s the second time the words fall from his mouth, but as with the first, they don’t leave much of an impression.

The Winter Soldier looks just the same as the last time you’d been in his presence, save for shorter hair and a clean shaven face. His skin is still pale as a sheet, turned ghostly in the few slivers of moonlight that manage to creep their way through the blinds hanging in the window. His eyes are still ice, a shade of blue that makes you grind your teeth and sets your nerves on edge. He’s got that same melancholy about him that had been there the first time you’d seen him, though now you knew better than to sympathize with it, to trust it.

Making that mistake years ago had cost you your life as you knew it.

“Get off me,” you command, struggling hard.

It’s no use –– his grip is much too strong. You won’t be going anywhere until he wants you to.

“Please stop,” he tries, an odd desperation in his words.

“Get off me!” you yell again, kicking with your legs like a helpless child.

The Winter Soldier clamps the hand not preoccupied with pinning your wrists above your head over your mouth, waiting for your muffled screams and swears to die down before trying to speak again.

“Look, this is simple,” he sighs tiredly, inexplicable sadness shining in his eyes. “I will let go of you as soon as you calm down. Alright? All I want is to have a conversation.”

You want to call bullshit, but his hand over your mouth still robs you of your voice. You aren’t sure what game he’s playing, but it doesn’t seem like he’s leaving you with much of a choice but to participate. And… well, technically up to this point, every move he’s made has been defensive. Perhaps playing along wouldn’t necessarily be the worst course of action.

He removes his touch from your body as soon as you nod and go still, making it clear that you have no intention to repeat your flurry of attacks from before. Part of you is tempted to make an attempt to pull one over on him, strike and get up and leave as fast as you can, but you know it would be in vain. He’s faster than you, always has been. It wouldn’t take more than a passing second for him to get his hand around your throat and squeeze.

The two of you sit together in silence for a few awkward minutes, trading nothing but ragged, adrenaline spiked breaths and charged stares between you. Just when you’re sure his ploy for peace had been nothing more than a cheap trick to allow him time to catch his breath before finishing the job and killing you, he opens his mouth, then closes it again, and repeats this sequence of actions two more times before actually giving a voice to his words.

“My name is James,” he tells you, casting his eyes down to the floor. “I’m… I’m not who I used to be.”

“You’re not?” you seethe, barely managing to keep your volume level in check. “You sure look the same.”

“I’m not,” the Winter Soldier –– or, James, as he’d introduced himself –– insisted. “Not at all.”

“That’s funny,” you spit, hands trembling where you’ve forced them to remain down at your sides. If you squeeze your fists any tighter, you’ll be sure to snap a bone. “Because I remember you. You and all the little lessons you made sure to incorporate into your training.”

“That wasn’t me,” James mutters lowly, jaw working hard enough that the grind of his teeth was audible.

“Oh, wasn’t it, though?” you hiss, flashes of red anger lacing your vision. “You weren’t the one who dislocated my arm and then forced me to spar without resetting it? You weren’t the one who taught me to lie by holding a blade to my throat and pressing the knife harder against my skin every time you saw a shift in my expression? Neither of those were you?”

“No,” he mumbles, but you hardly hear it, and you don’t care to.

You aren’t done with him. Not yet.

“Then you also must not be the one responsible for the deaths of my family,” you throw at him, the tang of iron souring the back of your tongue. “The one who took my parents away from me with the squeeze of a trigger? The same one who happens to be the whole reason that Hydra managed to get their hands on me in the first place? You knew what it was like, to be taken and turned into a monster, a–– a machine for them to build to suit their needs and use whenever they felt like they didn’t have enough power, but you didn’t care. You could have stopped that from happening to me, but you didn’t.”

“That wasn’t me,” James snaps, raising his hoarse voice at you for the first time all evening. The sudden outburst is so jarring it takes you aback, forcing a pause in the functions of your brain. All you can do is continue gazing upon the quiet anger which slowly boils into James’ features. “You were with Hydra for twenty years before Steve blew their cover, I was with them for seventy. Seven decades, doing the work of the people I enlisted in the world war to stop in the first place. Knowing that, do you honestly think the things I did were at all my own decisions?”

You cross your arms, swallowing hard as your gaze switches from his contorted expression to the floor. You don’t want to hear this. All these years hiding, trying to get back to some semblance of normal and carve out as much of a life as you could for yourself, it hadn’t been the faces of the Hydra operatives that haunted your nightmares each time you closed your eyes to fall asleep. It had been one with eyes blue as ice and twenty times colder, no compassion, compunction, or remorse to be found at all within their depths. One with a gaze deader than any of the corpses he’d been responsible for making.

That face was his.

“So why are you here then?” you sigh, still staring at the floor. You can’t trust yourself with anything else, not right now. Actually looking up at him holds the potential to yield very dangerous results. “To finish the job? I’m not stupid, I know none of the other agents are left. But if you think I’m just going to sit here all quiet and make killing me easier on you––”

“Oh, you people and your assumptions,” James mutters blackly under his breath, reaching a gloved hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “That is not why I’m here. Which I might have been able to tell you if you’d just let me get a word in edgewise.”

“You mean like you used to let me?” you scoff, rolling your eyes to the ceiling and doing your damnedest not to give into the rage rising in your chest. “You’ll have to forgive me for not buying that, considering the entirety of our past and all.”

“Christ,” he gripes, more to himself than to you, “and Raynor says I’m paranoid.” The name isn’t one you recognize, but to James its significance is clear. Speaking it seems to serve as a reminder to him, and he exhales deeply and loosens his shoulders in response to it. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he almost appeared to be counting himself down to his next sentence –– like it was so important he needed to work his way up to it. “I’m here… because…”

You blink, tilting your head to the side as you await his explanation. Actively refraining from attempting any guesses. Not exactly a challenge. If he truly didn’t come here to kill you, then his motive was a complete mystery.

Ages pass before he finally works up the nerve to say what he’s been meaning to.

“I’m here,” he sighs, carefully enunciating each word like he’s afraid they’ll break if he doesn’t pay them enough care, “because I am no longer the Winter Soldier. I am… I am James Bucky Barnes, and you are part of my effort to make amends.”

His words are small, crafted with the brittleness of glass and about ten times as fragile. They’re spoken so resolutely that you’re positive this isn’t the first instance in which he’s uttered them to another human, but they seem… choked, for lack of a better description. Judging by his grimace, they clearly don’t come easily, either.

You’re entirely unsure what to make of them.

“You don’t have to say anything,” James assures you, clasping his hands together in a manner that almost looks meek. “I don’t expect… What I’m trying to say is that it’s not transactional, this apology. There isn’t anything I want from you, or anything I’m looking to take. Just… My doctor, she had me write out a list of names of people to confront, and some to apologize to. That’s the one yours is on.”

You hear the words coming out of his mouth. What’s more, you understand them in a conceptual sense. But for some reason your brain lags in correlating the words and their meanings, in properly contextualizing them in accordance with his soft tone and the sincere regret in his eyes. Of all the nights you’d spent living in fear of this exact moment, that your mentor of once upon a time would one day appear to quietly finish you off, the last thing you’d ever expected to be met with instead was this.

Whatever this was, exactly.

You scan his body head to toe once more, searching more carefully this time. Dressed in all black as he was, it made it slightly more difficult to be certain, but you don’t see any telltale signs of a gun hiding anywhere beneath his clothing. That didn’t mean there wasn’t one, nor did it mean there was no knife strapped to his arm or tucked away in his boot, but you could spy no evidence.

So, no weapons. No yelling, other than to cut through your assumptions of violence. No hissed warnings or threats. No apparent sign he’s looking for a fight. Each of your senses scream at you to ignore all of this, to put no trust at all into the meaningless words of a man, a machine, who had only ever served to bring strife and suffering into your life. Even in spite of the realization that he’s likely unarmed, you still find yourself tempted to attack and flee before he inevitably makes his move.

But then…

“Why?”

The question catches each of you by surprise. James, because he clearly hadn’t expected much of a response, and if he got one, he didn’t think it would be simple as a posed curiosity, and you, because you hadn’t truly meant to ask the question aloud.

“Why…?” James echoes, brow furrowing in confusion. Certainly a sight to behold. Time away from existing as the Winter Soldier had evidently made his face that much more expressive.

Strange, that there could be so much to read in that face, yet so little at the same time.

You open your mouth to speak, carefully sifting through words in your mind before deciding upon the proper combination to convey your meaning. “Why would you want to do something like that?”

James squints in confusion. “Apologize?” he reiterates, gears in his head visibly turning a mile a minute.

“You had to know what I would think,” you explain, “seeing you after all this time. You say you have a list? Well, I can’t be the only one who instantly jumped to the worst case scenario. Why would you… why would you want to put yourself through something like that? A slideshow of the people you hurt? That’s painful, James.”

“No more painful than all the things I did to them,” James sighs, shoulders deflating. “To you. And anyway, it wasn’t me who did all those things. It was someone else’s will, I was just… I was just the tool. That’s not something I can change, and I can’t bring back all the people Hydra used me to kill. But I can apologize for it, because I am sorry. Just like I’m sorry for my part in what happened to you.”

You can see it more clearly, now. The human in him. Before, he’d been cold. Mechanic. Void of any and all emotion as far as the eye could see. That had made it easy to hate him, all those days he’d made you fight, spar, endure endless physical and emotional pain until you learned to be the tool Hydra wanted you to be. In your pain, your rage, your fear that all you would know for the rest of your existence were dark rooms and metal walls, the Winter Soldier had been the one to incur your wrath.

But this man was not the one you’d known. This man was different. This was a man whose eyes glimmered with remorse so bright it looked like unshed tears. This was a man with a face so expressive it was hard to believe you’d known its features for decades. A man who only wanted to talk, because if he’d had a more sinister motive in coming here, you would surely be dead by now.

Just as he’d told you moments ago, this man was not the Winter Soldier.

“Does it help?” you question, unable to force your words above a whisper. “Seeking people out, apologizing like this.”

“Not in the way you’re thinking,” James tells you, blue eyes wandering back to the floor. The light of the moon peeking through your window casts them an odd tone of silver. “It doesn’t take the hurt away, not for me or for them. But it helps to say it out loud, that I’m not that person anymore. Not everyone believes it, but all of this isn’t for them. It’s for me.”

“To what end?” you ask, words coming out harsher than you mean them to. “What’s the point, then?”

James shrugs a shoulder, head shaking. “My doctor says closure,” he supplies, reaching up almost nervously to scratch at the back of his neck with a gloved hand. “Making amends helps process difficult situations. It’s not easy, but I figure it’s as good a shot as I’ve got to move on from all of this.”

All James was looking for was a way to move on. Wasn’t that the same thing you’d been trying to do these past few years, when you laid down to sleep at night and did your best to push all the faces of the people you’d hurt at Hydra’s direction out of your mind? You certainly wouldn’t consider yourself the same person you’d been back then. Was it really fair of you to condemn James to his past in the way you’d been trying so hard to escape yours?

“I’ve been at this a long time, James,” you sigh, shaking your head. “Trying to move on from my past, trying to… forget. So far, it hasn’t worked out.”

“Forgetting isn’t the point,” James responds carefully, analyzing your face with marked carefulness. “You’ll never be able to forget. The past will always be there. It’s not something you can run from.” He pauses then, and the next time he speaks it sounds as if he’s been struck hard by a sudden epiphany. “But you can come to terms with all of it,” he goes on, “if you try. And you really gotta try, ‘cause otherwise all that bad will still be waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. Take it from someone who knows.”

And you don’t really know what to say to that. You’re not really sure what you can say. James’ certainty is tangible. You can feel it in his words, the way they tickle your brain like ribbons and set your mind rolling down a path you don’t altogether recognize. You want to ask him about it, make him elaborate further on all that he’s said, pick each and every one of his sentences apart until you understand the methods and reasonings for what he’s doing so you can know for sure if it will work for you the same it clearly seems to be working for him.

But he’s clearing his throat and running a hand through his dark hair before you get the chance.

“Like I said,” James tells you. “I’m very sorry for the hurt and the pain my actions have caused you. I can’t take it back, and I can’t change the past. All I can do now is try to be someone better. I hope… I hope you understand.”

And then he’s gone, out the front door so quickly you don’t realize until it shuts behind him.

You scan through your dark apartment, taking note of all your surroundings. James has left no sign of his presence, hasn’t disturbed a single one of your belongings. Even his footsteps over the floor on his way out had been remarkably silent –– though that, you supposed, was characteristic of his capabilities. Here and gone in an instant, fluid as a ghost.

The realization that you’d only been aware of his presence before entering your apartment because he’d wanted you to be strikes you dumb.

He hadn’t come here to cause you harm, hadn’t shown up at your home to kill you, rid himself and the rest of the world of the living reminder of the dark things which had gone on in the Hydra base –– though, doing so would have required such little effort on his part. No, James… James’ reason for seeking you out had been exactly what he’d told you.

Making amends, in an attempt to forgive himself for the things which others surely couldn’t. Perhaps that had been your mistake all these years. Rather than beating the past out of your mind with a stick, refusing to acknowledge it for everything you’re worth… maybe trying something else was the correct way to go.

Surely taking a page out of James’ book couldn’t hurt.

Your body took charge through no accord of your own, and before you realized it, you were standing in your kitchen beneath the glow of a single light staring down at a blank sheet of paper, fingers turning the pen in your grasp over and over again in your palm.

Names. You needed to write down names. But doing that would require you to actively delve into your past, and you weren’t sure that was something you could handle much of tonight. But there was one name which immediately sprang to mind, one repeating itself over and over in your head like a mantra. Sighing, you uncapped the pen and touched its point to paper, hastily scrawling out a single name before setting it back down on the counter.

James Bucky Barnes.

A list of names to make amends, half to confront, half to apologize.

You’d been on his. It only makes sense that he’d be on yours, too.

[abirdonalilactree]

First gay ship I watched that actually became canon. (kinda toxic tho-)

Y'all remember the first time you saw your gay ship become canon? I suppose for many of you it was Supernatural. 

For me it was back in 2013 when the series finale of Rules of Engagement came out, which is pretty early if you are talking about gay stuff. Not only did we get a slowburn spanning over several seasons, it also ended in a gay wedding.

In this essay I will talk about why this ship is so important to me and why it also was toxic as feck.

The show is about two couples and their single friend, all at different stages in their relationships, deal with the complications of dating, commitment, and marriage. From season three on, there kinda is a slow burn until season seven ends with the two unmarried couples getting married as well.

What started as a horrible boss messing with his assistant turned into a surprising love story.

 I'm not sure why I came back to this series after so many years in the first place. Some of the jokes are quite offensive so here is a warning for that. But on the other hand, all episodes are up on YouTube for free soo… Right now, in the September of 2021 we have exactly 20 fics on Ao3 by amazing authors. We are a really small fandom. The show ended in 2013 but like three or four people are still here.

Let me introduce the main characters:

The married couple consists of Jeff and Audrey Bingham. Jeff has been a financial manager and husband of Audrey since 1995. He has a rather deadpan, cold and sardonic personality and sense of self, particularly when dealing with Russell and Adam, but he is not sadistic or unkind, thereby rendering these traits as merely ironic and biting humor. He loves sports, shuns anything that might resemble sensitivity and often views his marriage as a competition or war, refusing to let Audrey "win" the upper hand at anything.

Audrey is an editor at Indoor Living magazine before later resigning and the assertive, modern wife of Jeff. She tolerates her husband's insensitivity because she knows he is not malicious and will do whatever it takes to make the situation right once he realizes his mistake. As a couple, they both can be very condescending and manipulative towards each other, in order to gain the upper hand, and typically don't like to concede to the other that they were wrong.

Adam Rhodes, a sensitive and well-meaning, but extremely naive and super extremely stupid, co-worker of Russell and Timmy, and Jennifer's fiancé throughout the series until they are married in the series finale. He is a neighbor of Jeff and Audrey, looks up to Jeff, and often acts on Jeff's relationship advice -This usually results in making the situation worse for himself. Jennifer Morgan is the fiancée and eventual wife of Adam, who endures his faults because of his good looks. She is very self-conscious of him, and will often try to spare him from embarrassment.

Timir "Timmy" Patel was introduced in season 3 and became a season regular from season 4-7. He first appears when Russell hires him as his assistant.  Although he is fluent in seven languages and holds an MBA, Timmy is often forced to do menial work or to solve Russell's trivial problems which often annoys Timmy. While many of Russell's schemes disgust him, Timmy will often see them through so that he can enjoy Russell's deserved penalty. 

Russell Dunbar on the other hand is wealthy, only due to his trust fund, which he uses to impress and seduce women. He is presented as a seedy and sleazy man who only cares about how many women he can get. However, it is shown that he has a softer side. His relationships within the group are seemingly conflicted, many of the group dislike his behaviour and mock him, as they do everyone else, but it seems that he expresses just as much distaste for them as he does not choose to invite them places unless he needs them to. Through Timmy, he is analysed by a psychiatrist to have sociopathic tendencies which explains his destructive behaviour.

He is also self absorbed and immature.

...But the thing is sometimes he isn’t.

While all three relationships show a lot of signs of toxicity, Timmy and Russell’s relationship is certainly the most destructive one. Which is mostly Russell’s fault.

But let me show you.

From a psychological point of view, their relationship ticks most of the boxes of a toxic relationship.

Toxic communication

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of their conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. Yet sometimes kindness is in fact seeking through.

Jealousy

There is so, so much jealousy going on. Russell really does everything to not allow Timmy to get together with a woman. Although only as the show goes on, it becomes clear that Russell is jealous because he has fallen for Timmy.

Controlling behaviors

Russell is questioning where Timmy is all the time or becoming overly upset when he doesn’t immediately answer texts are both signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in a relationship. And it gets so much worse than that. But more to that later.

Resentment

Yes.

Dishonesty

Yes. ALL the time.

Patterns of disrespect

Being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for each other's time are a red flag. This makes it red flag number six. 

Constant stress

A normal amount of tension runs through every relationship, but finding oneself constantly on edge is an indicator that something’s off. Yet another red flag.

This ongoing stress can take a toll on the physical and emotional health of a person. Which is one hundred percent happening.

Ignoring needs

Going along with whatever one partner wants to do, even when it goes against the wishes or comfort level of the other one. From his first episode in the show on, Timmy is forced to do absurd stuff he doesn’t want to do and honestly no one should do for their boss.

Lost relationships

Stopping to spend time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with a partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in the relationship.

Hoping for change

One might stay in a relationship because they see the other person’s potential or think that if they just change themselves and their actions, their partner will change as well. And it’s the little moments when Russell shows for only moments the tiniest bit of being a good person that make Timmy stay with him.

Walking on eggshells

One worries that by bringing up problems, they’ll provoke extreme tension, so they become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to themselves.

Lack of support however is arguably not always one of their problems. But we’ll come back to that.

And still, they share their sweet moments.

The following clip, made by CBS itself shows really well how it is for them to work with each other.

https://youtu.be/GfPI3HgMYoI

And then there is character development. Here the group of friends talks about Jeff lying to his wife about another friends bachelor party because he doesn’t want to spend time with her aunt.

https://youtu.be/LQPIFcrBltQ

Russell doesn't want to get married, clearly. This clip also conveys pretty well how horrible those people are. 

There is this tension and the gay jokes. This clip also shows really well how manipulative Russell -tries- to be.

https://youtu.be/XkdycXzX4ag

And then there are moments like these: In season 6 Timmy wanted to impress a woman who only wants to date singers so Russell teaches him how to play the guitar with the ulterior motive of Timmy embarrassing himself in front of the whole company. This idea backfires when Russell realises that he can’t watch Timmy suffer like that and he joins on stage and they start this duet that’s like super gay.

https://youtu.be/UH3P_LfBBQo

To be with you by Mr Big is an interesting choice of song. -Not only because it’s quite romantic but also because the lyrics seem to be surprisingly fitting at second glance.

Let’s analyze it because Music is an important aspect.

“One of the great unrequited love songs, "To Be With You" has a true story behind it. Mr. Big lead singer Eric Martin wrote the song when he was still a teenager - 16 or 17 in his estimation. The girl was Patricia Reynolds, and he had it bad for her.

"We were really, really good friends," Martin said in a Songfacts interview. "I was totally enamored with this woman. She was beautiful. Smart. I mean, brains, beauty, break down the walls, made me crawl on my belly like a reptile!

I just loved this woman, but she just wanted to be my friend. She'd have tons of boyfriends, and maybe she misconstrued promiscuity for love. But I wanted to be the knight in shining armor. That's what I was, a knight in shining armor. But basically, I didn't get my feet wet. I wrote it about how I would have done anything to just be more than a friend and a confidante."”

-https://www.songfacts.com/facts/mr-big/to-be-with-you

So much to the history of the song. Do you see the parallels? Do you see them? Do you?

Anyway. When Russell joins Timmy on the stage, he starts with the lines:

Build up your confidence

So you can be on top for once

Wake up, who cares about

Little boys that talk too much

I think this has to be taken literally. Not sure how much I should go into detail here. 

This however brings us back to the point of support from our list earlier.

I've seen it all go down

The game of love was all rained out

So come on baby, come on over

Let me be the one to hold you

I'm the one who wants to be with you (I'm the one, yeah)

Deep inside I hope you feel it too (feel it too)

Waited on a line of greens and blues (waited on a line yeah)

Just to be the next to be with you

That’s kinda Gay.

There are jokes all over the seasons that Timmy and Russell are gay but it becomes most clear that Russell is in love with Timmy, in the last season, when Timmy leaves to go on vacation and Russell misses him so much that he gets a girlfriend and turns her into a copy of Timmy.

Things get worse when Timmy finds out that Russell completely lost his marbles and chipped him to always know his whereabouts. This finally makes Timmy leave the company and get a new job where he finally gets treated with respect. It is shown how they miss each other despite everything. But then Timmy loses his work Visa which turns out to be completely Russell’s fault.

Right after Jenn and Adam marry in the last episode, Russell proposes to Timmy so he can stay in America but it becomes clear that there is more than his conscience that made him do this.

Russell turning his girlfriend into Timmy. (There is no heterosexual explanation for this):

https://youtu.be/sX1xTybc6vI

Timmy finding out how much Russell really stalks him. (like. he is totally in love with him):

https://youtu.be/jPWKdwpXCLU

Their Wedding (seems pretty gay to me):

https://youtu.be/Ymp-zaTmnD8

 You need to see the whole show as it is. A bunch of horrible people that are made fun of.

Furthermore you could argue that they don’t actually kiss. But maybe marriage is even more meaningful. 

I suppose that since we get so little representation, we like to clasp onto everything we can get. Because when I watched this I was too young to understand how offensive the shit they talk about really is. But after all it meant a lot to my gay little heart.

So many years later I gotta say that it needs to be said that it’s a toxic relationship after all. Don’t try it at home. Don’t try it with your boss or assisstant.

In the end it’s a green card marriage. But there is this whole arch of Russell falling in love with Timmy. Most clearly in the last three episodes but also starting a lot earlier. It’s a slow burn after all. It’s never said out loud but we got two bisexual characters right there.

Now I’m asking around my friends what their first gay ship was that became canon. The results really show that we don’t get enough representation in series. Just wow.

Hannigram became canon. kinda. They jumped off a cliff together instead of kissing. That one dude from supernatural you guys keep talking about got sent to super gay hell after confessing.

What I want to say is I just wanna see a healthy gay ship become canon some day.

Thanks for reading!

...So what was your first gay ship that became canon?