#and then I went out and my mood crashed and I got numb again

[boyapologist]

... did moving out trigger some kind of depressive episode in me or what

[sarahsmi13s]

Don't Leave Your Wingman

whumptober day 13: grief

pairing: pete 'maverick' mitchell x kazansky!reader (father figure relationship)

characters: pete mitchell, kazansky!reader, sarah kazansky

warnings: 18+ MDNI, language, mentions of cancer, canon death, death, fear of being alone, death of a parent, grief, 5 stages of grief, fear of losing family, loss of appetite, anger, mood swings, broken glass, throwing things, please let me know if I missed any

word count: ~1.8k

a/n: this is for whumptober! please please please proceed with caution and use discretion, protect your peace

also if you are on the whump taglist but are not familiar with a character, you can skip it will not hurt my feelings!

i am so so sorry i got this up late, please forgive me

whumptober 2023 masterlist

summary: you wouldn't leave your wingman in the sky... why should you on the ground?

“It’s come back.”

One sentence. Three words.

That’s all it took for the world to crash down around you.

Your father, your best friend, your wingman, was already dying. 

But with three words he was dead and in the ground.

You started the grieving process the moment your mother told you about the results of your father’s tests. His cancer was back and this time he wasn’t fighting it. So, start grieving now so it doesn’t hurt when he passes.

It should cushion the pain right?

No.

It doesn’t.

Because when you watched Pete Mitchell slam his wings into your father’s coffin, it’s like he’s punching them right through your heart.

You thought you prepared yourself better. Thinking ahead to how everything would be different. Going through the motions of him missing so much of your life, everything he wouldn’t be a part of. You were only 21, you had so much left to accomplish and celebrate with him.

He would never walk you down the aisle at your wedding. He would never meet your kids and tell them cool stories about the famous Iceman and show them his collection of medals and patches. He would never tell them the story of how he met his best friend and wingman, the friendship’s birth captured in a photo on his desk.

He would never tell you he loved you again.

You wanted to hear it one last time… even if it was in that broken, raspy tone.

“How is she?” 

You could hear your uncle talking to your mom outside in the living room. 

It had been a few days since the funeral and you had barely left your father’s office in the living room. You barely ate, your appetite coming in and out as you went through the motions. You just sat in the office, wrapped up in his blanket with his dog tags around your neck or clenched in your hand. You were nearly numb at this point, sitting and staring at the photo of you and him at your graduation.

You had hit the “depression” part of your grieving process. Denial, anger, and bargaining had passed when you learned about the return of your father’s cancer. But you were sure they’d resurface at some point, grieving is never linear and it’s not a short lived thing. 

But when it was something that you prepared for, something that you could see coming from miles and miles away? It should be easier right?

“She doesn’t leave that chair often… I don’t blame her. But I’m worried. You and Ron have been a big help with brightening her days,” you mom said, a gentle smile on her face at Mav. 

It was true, they both had been a huge help. Just sitting with you so you weren’t alone, that you had someone in the room with you also grieving – even if it was different. Both had lost a best friend, your mom had lost a husband. She sat with you too, holding your hand and making sure you weren’t completely alone. She made sure that even though you were both grieving, that you could talk to her. 

Mav looked into the room, seeing you in that position – curled up with your dad’s dog tags in your hand, lips pressed against them as you stared out the window. 

He gave Sarah a hug before walking towards the office doors and knocking before opening it. 

“Hey kid, how can I help today?” 

You shrugged a little bit, not having the energy to do much else. You sniffled and dropped your hand to the desk, pointing to a book that was resting there, “I um… I found that while going through some of his things…”

Sniffling again, you adjusted your blanket, “I can’t bring myself to read it… it’s all in his hand writing…” Mav nodded and came over, “I can read it to you, if you want.” “Please…”

“Would you want to go out on the porch swing? Get some sun, fresh air?” You looked up at him and he could see just how tired you were. You probably got a lot more sleep than you should have, or very little sleep that wasn’t good.

You looked at the photo on your dad’s desk, seeing him smiling down at your 18 year old self in your cap and gown, diploma in your hand.

“Yeah… yeah, that sounds nice,” you said, your voice a little lighter and the ghost of a smile threatened your lips.

Mav smiled and helped you up, grabbing the book and leading you to the swing on the front porch. 

You sat down with him, resting your head on his shoulder as he put the book in his lap.

As he began to read, you both began to notice that these were your dad’s stories. Stories you had heard from him, stories you begged him to tell you no matter how many times you had heard them… All there in a book.

You cried at first, so did Mav. But as he continued, reading your dad’s words and the side commentary he never failed to add, you both started to laugh. 

It was nice to laugh, it helped you begin to feel like everything was going to be okay.

“Today will be better.” 

That’s what you told yourself when you woke up the past few days. 

You could never tell yourself that it would be great or amazing. Because you knew you couldn’t make that promise to yourself. But you could always try better, your best would always vary from day to day.

And you were doing okay. You were making it.

Until Maverick showed up in his whites.

Your heart had sunk like a brick in your stomach.

You knew what those meant.

He was going out with them on the carrier.

That’s not so bad right? He would be safe right? 

But the look on his face as he stood in front of the office's french doors told you something else.

“I was picked as team leader to fly the mission.” 

The brick in your stomach started dissolving, making your stomach acid fizz and bubble up your throat. 

You shook your head, the dusting rag and photo clenched in your fist. “No, no you’re not.. You’re not flying this mission, Uncle Mav… You-you were just supposed to teach it.. You’re a teacher!”

He mirrored your movements, “Admiral Simpson-”

“No!” 

Your shout had startled him, you hadn’t raised your voice in any capacity for a while so your outburst startled him.

“I’m sorry, kid… There’s a chance someone doesn’t make it back and I would rather it be me–”

“So you have a death wish? Is that it? Can’t go one damn day without risking your life like no one is gonna miss you if you burn in, can you?” 

Maverick was unsure how to respond to that, standing there awkwardly as you yelled at him.

“You’re selfish, you know that? The both of you, fucking selfish,” you said, your voice cracking at the end as you poked his chest with the picture frame. 

“B-both… Y/N what-”

“You’re never supposed to leave your wingman… ever. So tell me why I’ve been left behind! Why everyone is fucking leaving me?!” 

In your anger you threw the photo on the floor, glass shattering and the frame breaking apart.

“He left me and now you’re leaving me too!” 

Mav watched the tears streaming down your face as you shoved past him and ran out of the office and out of the house.

Sighing, he looked down and noticed the photo under the shards of glass was the photo of him and Ice shaking hands after saving one another on that mission after graduation. 

“You can be my wingman anytime…”

After your blow up at Maverick, you ran straight to the beach.

The second your feet hit the damp sand on the shoreline you were collapsing to your knees. 

Clutching your chest, you sobbed.

“Why?! Why couldn’t you have just fought? One more time… for me! I need you Dad! And you’re gone! You left me here! And-and now you want to take Mav with you? It’s not fair!”

You fell forward, clutching at the sand, “It’s not fair!” You sobbed, not caring if anyone around you could hear you. You were in pain, you were now not only grieving your father, but you were now going to be grieving his best friend, your friend.

A pair of gentle hands pulled you back up into a seated position on your knees.

“Sweetheart…”

“It’s not fair, Mom!” You shouted, your voice raw with tears as you looked out on the horizon before looking down at the frothing tide, “It’s not fair…” 

Sarah felt tears sting her own eyes at the utter brokenness of your voice, the rawness in it.

She pulled you into her lap, shushing you gently as you sobbed into her neck. She looked up at the sky, “You better bring him home Tommy. Don’t you leave her without a wingman.”

The next week and a half was filled with dread and worry. 

Worry that Maverick would make good on that promise of being the one to die on this mission. Worry that it would be Rooster, someone you weren’t as close to but you knew he meant a lot to Mav. Worry that you would be alone, grieving another father figure.

You barely left the office, sat there in that damn chair looking at that damn computer screen. The last words he typed on it were still displayed.

“It’s time to let go.”

The five words felt like mockery as you read them over and over and over.

How could you just “let go”? Did he really think you hadn’t tried that? Or that it was that simple?

Because it wasn’t. 

You wish you could have just accepted it, that grieving someone as they sat in front of you breathing would have made it easier. But it didn’t. 

You felt like you were on the monkey bars again, the ground miles away from you and you were scared to fall.

“How can I let go when I have no one to catch me?”

As you waited in the silence, for a response that you knew wouldn’t come, a knock sounded through the quiet house. 

Your mom had stepped out to go get stuff for dinner. So you were the only one at home.

Sniffling and turning the monitor off, you got up and went to the front door.

When you opened it, you nearly collapsed.

There on your front porch was Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. He was scraped up a little, but he was alive.

“Mav… Mav!”

He smiled as he caught you, keeping you from falling onto the ground and holding you close as you clung onto his bomber jacket, tears staining the vinyl. 

“You’re here… you came home.”

He kissed your temple, rubbing your back and cradling the back of your head.

“Of course I did, I couldn’t leave my wingman.”

taglist: @bradleybeachbabe @mayhemmanaged @kmc1989 @lovinglyeternal @horseshoegirl @cassiemitchell @fanboyswhore9 @nightowlalltheway @86laura11 @els-marvelvsp @valmare @startrekfangirl2233

hi, if you're seeing this and are currently not on the taglist and would like to be please fill out the taglist form -> whumptober taglist

i can not stress this enough, but whumptober can have some very serious and heavy topics and i want to make sure i am doing my part as an author to prepare my readers for what they are about to experience and that includes not only warnings above but my taglists as well

so if you want to be added check out the masterlist and read that carefully and fill out the form -> whumptober 2023

[dreamescapeswriting]

Remembering The Good Times ~ Y.J [Request]

WORD COUNT:2.4K

PAIRING:Jeongin x GN!Reader

GENRE: Fluffy, one bed trope, idol meets fan, cute, meet cute

A/N: I feel like this came out super cheesy and cringey T.T I’m sorry!! ALSO! I made this GN!Reader 🥰💞 Mx is an English language neologistic honorific that does not indicate gender

Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - November 2021

This had to be one of the worst days in your life and it was only getting worse by the second. It had started off as one of the best days of your life! You'd woken up in a great mood ready for a beach day with your friends but they'd cancelled at the last second.

Not that that was going to stop you from going out and having fun. You'd been in desperate need of a small getaway so you decided to go alone. Packing up the car and heading straight to the beach. 

In hindsight, your friends cancelling on you might have been a sign not to go out today. To just cancel your plans and you couldn't have been caught in all of this mess now.

"Please, you have to have something." You were just short of begging a random woman to get you a room at the motel that you were standing inside of. Dripping wet from the storm outside and freezing.

It was supposed to be a warm day, the forecast had told everyone to dress for warm weather and get ready for the beach. 

Again even without your friends you were going to have a good time and you were, you had the greatest time and it only got better when you'd met one of the idols you seemed to like so much.

"I'm so sorry," You gasped out, looking down at the ice cream that has just been smushed into someone's shirt as you hadn't been watching where you were walking. 

"I wasn't watching, I'm such an idiot I'm sorry!" You began rambling that you would buy the man a new shirt, never once looking up from the mess you had made with your ice cream. God, you had really been looking forward to sitting on the sand and eating that. 

"It's completely fine, I have a spare in my room." He chuckled and you frowned a little the voice sounded so oddly familiar so you looked up. Not expecting to see anyone that you knew at the beach and you didn't. Well, you didn't know him personally. 

"You're Jeongin..." You whispered not wanting to drawer any unwanted attention over to what was happening.

"I am, and you are?" You froze. As if you couldn't even remember your own name but as soon as you looked at him your mind went blank,

All of those years you'd been imagining this happening, going over make-believe conversations in your head only to go numb when he looked at you. 

"Y/n. Y/n." You rushed out as he shook your hand and chuckled softly, you couldn't tell if it was the heta making him red or if he was blushing but he nodded. 

"It's lovely to meet you Y/n, even if you did spill ice cream on me." You groaned at the thought of it and promised to give him some money for a new shirt but Jeongin wouldn't allow it. 

"Let me buy you a new ice cream? I'll go and change and you can tell me why you were so distracted that you crashed into me?" You nodded, pinching yourself as he began to walk to the side of the beach in the direction of a hotel just down the street.

This had to be some kind of heat dream, maybe you'd fallen asleep on the beach and were dreaming all of this. But the pinching you had done felt all too real

And it had been. It had been one of the best experiences of your life but from there it only got worse. The friends that had cancelled going to the beach with you because they were busy showed up, not seeing you as you watched them just down the beach.

Jeongin noticed as you suddenly went quiet. The two of you had been speaking about what you thought of the beach so far when you started to look a little sick. 

"Do you want some water?" He questioned as he glanced over in the direction you were looking in. A big group of people was all unpacking at the beach when he remembered what you had said.

That your friends had all cancelled on you because they were busy with work. 

"Are they your friends?" You cleared your throat dusting off the sand on your hands as you nodded. Trying not to seem as bothered as you were that they had obviously lied to you and come to the beach without you. 

"Do you want to go somewhere else? I know a great arcade." Jeongin nudged you softly making you smile weakly at him. Even though you'd only been sitting together for a couple of hours it felt like so much longer in a good way. You'd gotten to know one another quite well and Jeongin enjoyed the fact that you weren't crying in his face or begging for photos and autographs. It felt as though he was just hanging out with one of his friends and it felt relaxing. No pressure of trying to be the perfect idol that he had to hold up, he could just be himself in front of you. 

"Sure! I can drive if you like...O-Or if that makes you uncomfortable-"

"You driving sounds wonderful." He whispered as you both began to pack up. 

Only it hadn't been wonderful, your car wouldn't start and when it finally began to sound as if it would it began to smoke and badly. Leaving you stranded for a while as you called your recovery team and began walking to the arcade with Jeongin. You'd tried to make the best out of things, to let the recovery team take care of your car but that was when the storm began. Now you were standing inside of the motel that Jeongin was staying in begging for a room or even a sofa to sleep on.

"Y/n," Jeongin whispered as he pulled you to the side. It had been playing on his mind since bringing you to the motel and he was finally just going to ask you. 

"You can come and stay in my room if you want?"

"Jeongin, you don't even know me."

"I think I know you well enough that you won't kill me in my sleep...I hate the thought of you getting sick," He motioned to the wet clothes you were wearing and you sniffled a little. Not realising that you were crying until Jeongin reached up and wiped your cheek with his thumb. 

"Sure." You whispered as he began to take you down the halls, ignoring everyone who was glancing up at you both. The only two who were standing there drenched in water. 

"Here," He chuckled as he pushed the door open to his room, sighing a little when he saw the balcony doors open so he rushed to shut them. Grabbing a towel from the bathroom and laying some down on the ground and handing one to you. 

Your eyes glanced around the room, it wasn't much. Just a double bed, a small sofa a TV and what you assumed was an en-suite since Jeongin had gotten the towels in there. 

"Thanks." You whispered as you wrapped the towel around your body, looking down awkwardly at the floor. Now that you were here neither of you had any idea of what you were supposed to do. 

"I'll get you some clothes, I have something in my cases you can borrow." He practically ran to his suitcases and grabbed a hoodie and some sweats for you, coming back over to you and smiling. 

"Thanks, Innie, erm...I-I'm going to change in-"

"Sure! I'll...I'll order us some hot drinks and some soup!" It appeared as though Jeongin was just as nervous and awkward about this as you were which made you feel a little better about it all.

You'd only met that day and you were now staying in the same hotel room as one another and sharing his clothes.

When you'd come back out Jeongin had mopped up the water and placed the wet towels just outside the door. 

"I ordered some kimchi soup and some hot chocolates, we can find a movie if you want." You could feel your body heating up as you nodded at him, sitting down on the small sofa that was facing the TV in the room.

"Sure, what do you want to watch?" As much as you thought this was going to be hard to do it it wasn't. It fell back to the way it had been earlier that day. 

When you felt as though you were just hanging out with someone you had known for a long time. 

And the awkwardness only continued to fade as you both began watching movies and eating the food when it arrived. 

"Don't tell me you would go upstairs in a horror movie, it's the dumbest decision in the world!" You laughed at Jeongin as he shook his head, pulling the sheets back on the bed. 

"You're wrong, I could climb down a drainpipe, or jump down."

"You're going to jump down from a roof?" You looked at him and shook your head. Taking two of the pillows from the bed and laying them down on the floor then it was like a shift in the air. 

"What are you doing?" You looked up at Jeongin and then down at the pillows, 

"Well I'm going to sleep on the floor, I wouldn't expect you to sleep in the same bed as me." You admitted as Jeongin stared at you, clearly confused as to why you would go to sleep on a sofa. 

"Y/n...I wouldn't want you to just sleep on the floor, you could hurt your back," He admitted even if it was partly a lie. 

"I wouldn't want you to, you're paying for the room." You argued playfully as he chuckled, your stomach had butterflies fluttering all around hearing the laugh come from his lips.

"You're my guest," He counter-argued 

"We can argue about this all night." You laughed placing your hands on his hips, Jeongin mirroring you as he nodded his head as if to say that you both could. 

"We can put pillows between us if it makes you uncomfortable." There was a small hint of sadness in his voice as if he thought you were uncomfortable to be close to him which you weren't, not in the slightest. 

The two of you had been sat very closely during the horror movies you were watching, cuddling up to one another as you jumped at different times in the movies. 

"No!" You yelled out in a rush as you saw a blush on his cheeks, 

"No...No you don't make me uncomfortable, I just wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable." You stuttered a little and he nodded, smiling at you as he patted the bed. 

"Not at all." He reassured you as he climbed onto his side of the bed and waited for you to get in with him. 

Both of you lay there anxiously on your backs as you stared at the ceilings, still a little too scared to move. 

"Y/n? Are you still awake?" Jeongin whispered a couple of hours later as you nodded. Forgetting that it was pitch black in the room and neither of you could see anything. 

"Yes." You whispered back as he shifted on the bed a little, laying on his side to face you so you did the same. 

"Do you want to talk about something? Maybe help us fall to sleep?" You hummed a little tiredly in answer to his question and he chuckled. Reaching his hand out to gently caress your cheek with his thumb.

"What if I tell you training stories? I have some pretty boring ones that might knock you out." He chuckled as you hummed once again. Feeling more and more tired with each stroke of Jeongin's thumb on your skin.

All you could hear was a tapping on the door to the room and you whined rolling over when you felt an arm around your waist. You froze, eyes widened as you looked down at the arm and followed it up. 

Jeongin was holding you. You smiled a little as you looked at him, touching his cheek as he chuckled. 

"Staring at someone while they sleep is extremely creepy."

"Pretending to be asleep is also creepy," You mumbled pushing at his chest as he grunted and pretended as if he was extremely hurt, 

"That will be breakfast, wait here Mx Yang." He breathed out, kissing you deeply as you whimpered and kissed him back just as deep.

"I had the dream again," You told him as he came back over with a tray, placing it onto the bed and raising an eyebrow. 

"About how we met?" He questioned, smiling at you as you began nodding your head, as a giant smirk great on his face, leaning down to kiss you. 

"My darling life partner remembering the good days," He whispered before kissing you yet again. 

The two of you were spending your honeymoon in the same motel you had spent your first night together. The same place you had met, it was becoming something that you did once a year, wanting to go to the place that you had met.

"And imagining all of the good ones to come." You confirmed as he smiled, lifting off the tray lids and getting ready to feed you.

Tagline: @minholuvs @taestannie @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk​ @taeechwitaa​ @justbangtanthingz​ @stillwithlix​

[yourlocalshittywriter]

The Duty of a Hero

Author’s Note: Howdy folks! I’m here with my first proper fic and I really hope that y’all like it! This will be exploring what could’ve happened if the Dabi that Aizawa fought wasn’t one of Twice’s clones. Since this is a fight, I advise the folks that are sensitive to things like that to click off and read another fic. Also, since this story does change scenery and moods a bit, I included some songs that change along with the the stories mood! This is mainly just because I like showing off my music taste and shit. Here’s Part 2!

Songs to Go Along: The Fighter by In This Moment, Acid Bubble by Alice In Chains, The Great Gig In The Sky by Pink Floyd

I felt extremely at peace for once in life. I felt the normal crackling of my joints silence into a warm nothingness. My aching muscles that had been torn to shreds time and time again, the ones that had been strained and stretched beyond the limits of the human body seemed to reform perfectly as they melted into the rest of my numb form. My skin, a forest of calluses, scars, stitches, and open wounds felt as if it was no longer there. I was no longer confined to the space of my body, and instead moved around as freely as water or air. I was a sort of goo, unmoving, stationary, simple, yet free. 

With a quirk as self-destructive as mine, becoming a hero was a sort of death wish. My quirk was known as “pain transfer.” Anytime I made eye contact with a person, I could activate my quirk and subject myself to pain only to have them suffer the pain of the injury for as long as I was looking at them. I could also transfer existing pain to my target. Although I may have had a wicked high pain tolerance and quick recovery period, my humanity was bound to catch up to me eventually. Quirks like mine, “villainous quirks” according to most people, should be kept hidden and the people born with them should go on to live normal lives as ordinary civilians. My parents were among these people. When I told them that I was enrolling in the hero course at UA, I was given the choice to either become a hero and be disowned, or ditch my pipe dream and stay their beloved child. I packed my things that night.

It was a miracle that I passed the entrance exam the next day. I was running on little sleep, the loss of my financial support, and the trauma that came with the realization that your parents didn’t love you anymore because you didn’t live in a way that they approved of. I had trained since my will to become a hero first arrived, a sort of passionate drive that crashed into my life so unexpectedly that the impact nearly gave me whiplash. 

I supposed that that inferno of, what? Spite? No, not spite, something deeper, hotter, and more righteous than spite. Let’s say ardor. This ardor was what drove me to take out as many robots as I could, despite the fact that my quirk was utterly useless in this situation. I took out a decent amount of robots, at least, decent enough to get into the hero course. A lady by the name of Recovery Girl healed me before I went on my way. I thought that I just had a few scrapes and bruises, but apparently I had a broken wrist. Surprisingly, I wasn’t the worst-off there, some poor kid broke both of his arms and one of his legs. 

The time between this moment and when I got into UA seems to have flown by. I came into UA, a semi-blank canvas, and now here I was, bleeding out on the campsite that I planned to spend my summer at with my classmates. Dying feels far less painful than one would assume; you really don’t even realize that you’re dying at first. It’s sort of like that feeling you get after eating a warm meal after starving for so long, sickening at first, but comforting after you grow used to it. It’s like taking a hot bath after spending a day in the snow; it burns at first, but the burning subsides into a comforting numbness. Your senses slowly dull into nothingness but your brain is left to conjure whatever image it pleases. I could have seen dead relatives, met idols, or even pictured an alternate life where my parents still loved me, but I didn’t.

I didn’t want it. Fame, fortune, admiration, acceptance, rebirth, none of it. I wanted none of it. I wanted to live. I wanted to do what I swore to do as soon as I got into UA. I wanted what I signed up for when I packed my bags and left my parents’ house at age fourteen. I wanted what I fought tooth and nail for. I wanted my ambitions and goals fulfilled.

Of course I wanted what I had worked for, that was beyond obvious, however, I also wanted the small things in life. I wanted my afternoon tea with Yaoyorozu, Sato, and Todoroki. I wanted my fashion shows with Aoyama, Ashido, and Hagakure. I wanted my midnight conversations with Shinsou and Tokoyami. I wanted my video game sessions with Kaminari and Sero. I wanted my morning meditation meetings with Shoji, Ojiro, and Koda. I wanted to watch pro-wrestling with Bakugou and Kirishima. I wanted to train with Iida, Uraraka, and Midoriya. I wanted to swim with Asui. I wanted to listen to music with Jiro and Mr. Present Mic. I wanted inappropriate jokes with Ms. Midnight. I wanted to make Mr. Aizawa proud; I wanted to make myself proud. So, with so many incredible things to live for, I opened my eyes, and attempted to move.

Much to my distaste, it turns out that my relief from pain, as well as the disassociation from my body was nothing more than a thin veil that was easily permeated as I rose from near death. The forest was nothing more than a verdant blur, one that was far from easy to navigate. However, all things end eventually, so I decided to run from death and wherever I ended up would be the least of my worries. I sprinted through the disorder and dysfunction, and wound up walking in on my teacher fighting the son of a bitch who had left me to die a lonely death with only the company of insects and whatever plants were to take over my wilting corpse.

As Mr. Aizawa tackled the cremation villain, I rose from the forest, stared at the man in restraints, and activated my quirk. As the pain transferred from me to him, I felt the veil of insensibility slip over me once more. The villain howled out in agony, the very agony that he had inflicted on me only minutes before. 

“Whatever you do, don’t break your gaze Eraserhead!” I chimed as I finally straightened my form, not wanting the hero to see me in such a state, “You’ll just have to trust me on this one!” Mr. Aizawa nodded, keeping a steady gaze on his target.

“Tried to kill me off?” I snarled as I made my way towards the sadistic bastard and beloved teacher holding him in place.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” the captive growled through gritted teeth, still under an amount of pain that would knock-out any average human. He looked beyond pissed that I survived, as if he took offense to the fact that I didn’t appreciate his work. I waltzed over to him, just far enough from Mr. Aizawa, but just close enough to the charred villain. 

“Surprise, I remain,” I cooed, low enough for only the villain to hear. He bared his teeth at me, looking at me as if he were some sort of rabid animal. I wanted to taunt him. I wanted to make fun of the fact that he had been taken down by a high schooler and their teacher, but I knew that it was never good to brag, because Karma would usually come to bite you in the ass for it. 

I stared at the man covered in staples, every blink I took releasing him from the effects of my quirk. Every blink motivated me to continue staring at him, to immobilize him so Mr. Aizawa could use his eye drops or blink, to buy him some time. However, I knew that this game of “pass the villain” could only go on for so long. Something had to be done. Eventually, the patchwork villain would catch both of us off guard and use his quirk, or one of his buddies would come and back him up. Mr. Aizawa and I were miles away from my peers or the rest of the pro-heroes. It was just the two of us up against this villain, and we were growing tired.

Only minutes after the realization had struck me, the villain escaped from Mr. Aizawa’s scarf when the two of us accidentally blinked at the same time. The human crematorium stood before us, and before I could use my quirk to disable him, he shot out a flurry of blue flames my way.

I dodged this attack as Mr. Aizawa ran towards the villain, yelling out the name “Dabi.” Before Mr. Aizawa was able to restrain him, Dabi grabbed the erasure hero and threw him headfirst into a brick wall, effectively knocking him out. I desperately wanted to check on my partner in battle, but I knew that I couldn’t let my guard down, because now Dabi was staring me directly in the eye.

I could attempt to charge at him, but I would be charred to bits, and even if I somehow managed to avoid his flames, I would meet the same fate as Eraserhead, knocked out and at Dabi’s mercy. I was screwed, I had no back up, my teacher was unconscious, and I was face to face with one of Japan’s most notorious criminals. I was dead meat.

That was until I devised a plan, one that would take out the cremation villain for good. One that would end his reign of terror once and for all. However, there was only one downside to this plan, and that was the fact that this plan would result in two casualties, Dabi and me. However, if I went with any other plan, Mr. Aizawa and I were to become the victims while Dabi walked off scot free. 

I was destined to become a martyr.

With that realization, I turned to my teacher who was slowly coming to his senses and gave him a gentle smile,

“Eraserhead, it has truly been a pleasure,” I announced as Dabi’s arrogant gaze turned to one of confusion. As Mr. Aizawa slowly faded back into his previously comatose state before he had time to be confused, I focused my gaze back on the blue-flamed bastard. It was time to end it, to end his rule once and for all.

I reached into my pocket, grabbed a tiny weapon that fit perfectly in my hand, locked eyes with the villain, smirked, and painlessly slit my neck. As Dabi grasped his neck and choked on his unseen blood, which was truly my blood, he fell to his knees.

As I took what I knew were my last steps, I came face to face with the first half to my murder-suicide. He glared at me, an amalgam of agony that felt nothing at all, and snarled.

“I’ll see you in hell, you cunt.”

I laughed, of all the things he could’ve chosen to be his final words, he chose to give into the childish desire to have the last word with me. As his oddly-familiar eyes drained of life, I felt the pain I had so carelessly inflicted upon myself finally hit me like a freight train.

I began to choke as I fell to my knees, similarly to how Dabi had fallen only seconds before. I knew that my time was up soon, I would succumb to my injuries and lose the thing I had fought tooth and nail for only moments before. I looked to the horizon to find the sun casting his loving gaze upon my battered body. It was as if Apollo himself was granting me a warrior’s death, like he knew I had made some kind of a righteous sacrifice that warranted a soothing transition from death to afterlife.

The sunrise was something like I had never seen before. The blues burned brighter than the flames I had defeated minutes before, the yellow pooled around my weary being like an evening gown to a death dance, and the red painted a comforting scene in the clouds, as if to distract me from my own red that painted my body and the ground around me. I smiled my final smile as I walked into the loving embrace of the sun.

My duty as a hero had been fulfilled.

[angelhotchner]

hi! can you do a hotch x reader imagine in which hotch cheats on the reader with beth and a few years later the reader and him bump into eachother and rekindle? i don’t think hotch would ever cheat but i’m in the mood for something that’s full angst but fluff at the end! btw the reader is fem :)! thank youuu

hello! I'm so sorry that this took so long, I've been focusing a lot of my attention to prompt Sunday and TGOS :( also, i got shadow-banned and ended up being unable to post anything for while. but i love a good angst fic, I hope you enjoy this [well as much as someone can enjoy angst] Also, I know you asked for fem!reader and I wrote it with fem in mind, but there's actually no gendering in the text at all.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x GN!Reader Contains: Adult Language, Angst, Fluff, Heartbreak, Cheating CM Timeline: AU doesn't exist within timeline. Word Count: 1.8K

Masterlist

Rekindle

The day that Aaron Hotchner broke your heart was a Thursday. He was away on a case and apparently his location was a difficult place for cell service - whether that was completely true, you didn't know. What you do know was that the iMessages that you saw later that night proved that he had some kind of WiFi. Just not enough for you.

He'd been careless - forgotten that you'd be using his MacBook that night, like always, to FaceTime with your mom. The FaceTime call never happened, as the message notifications distracted you from everything else in the world as they reared their ugly heads in the top right corner of the screen.

Beth So you owe me dinner when you get back.

Beth I'll save you some dessert.

Beth: I miss you, too.

Beth: I can't wait until you're back in my bed ;)

The first two messages caught your attention, but your brain didn't register them as red flags. He went for dinners often, work purposes - so you assumed that Beth was some agent or prosecutor or something. It was only when the fourth message pinged that you realised. This wasn't work related. You didn't give a fuck if it was a distrusting thing to do. You opened the messages app on the laptop and read Aaron's texts as well as hers, and scrolled back to read conversations that you never knew about. You felt numb, heard white noise rumbling in your ear drums as your eye-sight darkened - the brightness of the screen was the only thing that you could see. You couldn't even cry as you read the messages over and over again until you memorised them, hearing them in his voice in your head.

Aaron: I like the sound of that.

Aaron: I'll pick you up when I have the spare time. I hope it'll be soon.

Aaron: I wish you were here in this bed with me.

Aaron: I never sleep during a case anyway, it makes no difference if you're here ;)

You couldn't say how long you'd stared at the damn screen. Everything became a blur as you gathered screenshots of the infidelity and emailed them to yourself. Closing the laptop, your face expressionless as you held it above your head before bringing it crashing down onto the wooden floor of the living room, watching the screen and keyboard snap away into two parts. You left the mess there.

You were gone when he came home. You'd packed a bag and fucked off to some dingy motel for the time being, unable to stay in that house: that house where every photo on the wall; every piece of furniture and every lick of paint had some trace of yours and Aaron's relationship wrapped up within it. It all seemed like a lie - a hot, seething lie that made your mouth watery with nausea.

Aaron came home to a cold and empty house. His footsteps echoed as he walked around the place, calling out for you and gaining no response. Then he saw what was left of his MacBook and instantly knew.

Bile rose in his throat as what he'd done weighed down on him, crushing his chest and breaking his ribs with a heavy, but deserved guilt.

He begged for you to answer the phone as the tone rang out and gave him your chirpy voicemail.

Meanwhile, you'd watched your phone buzz away with every phone call. And - although you didn't want to see his face ever again - you needed some kind of closure, even if it meant that things would never be resolved again. You needed to tell him how badly he'd hurt you - what a dick he was - and you needed to ask him why. Why weren't you enough?

When you entered the house, you found him sat at the kitchen island, a glass of scotch in his hand. If you hadn't have been so mad, the state of him would have made you run back into his arms, but the text messages replayed in your mind.

"You're drinking. Really? Have you been through a lot, Aaron?" You voice whipped at him and he turned with a slight flinch, not even noticing that you'd entered the house. He tried to get down from his seat, most likely to take your hands in his and explain it away - win you back over. He could rot in fucking hell.

"Don't move," You commanded. He stayed put in his seat, although his leg half dangled away from the stool as he watched you, cautiously.

"Y/N," He began. Your heart was beginning to finally break, shattering into a million pieces at the sound of his voice, the sound of your name on his tongue. Something that you once loved to hear, but now you loathed. You didn't want to hear him say your name ever again.

"How long?" You cut him off. He gulped.

"A month,"

"A fucking month," You scoffed, turning around to face the door, slamming your fist against it. The last thing you wanted to see right now was him.

"Why?"

"I was stupid,"

"Fuck off. Why, Aaron?"

"What?"

You turned around to face him, your hands balled into fists by your side. Your face flamed with anger, your lashes twitching as you stared him down.

"Why," Your voice cracked as the tears spilled at last. "was I not enough?"

He couldn't give you an answer. After a few moments, you nodded and faced the door again. You opened it, walked out of the house and never went back. Never saw his face. Never spoke to him again. And he never called for you, either.

Well, you thought you'd never see his face again or speak to him. But three years later, on a train headed for Texas, you noticed the telltale hair a few seats away, facing you. Your eyes followed the hair down to his face, unchanged, staring down in deep thought at a file on his lap. You'd always imagined that all the bad feelings would hurtle back if you ever saw him again, but they'd almost vanished. You felt a small sting of hurt, but with it came an overwhelming sense of longing and curiosity. You wanted to be desperately mad at him still, but only felt mad towards yourself as you watched him - unbeknownst to him - and felt yourself wanting to talk to him.

He was a profiler and in tune with his senses. As if by instruction, he looked up from his file as your gaze burned him, immediately locking eyes with you. His face became an expression of full surprise, warm surprise, before changing into sadness and shame quickly. But you couldn't stop staring at him, and for a brief moment - you cast a coy smile.

He mirrored your expression back to you, although the shame was still exposed in his eyes.

Then he looked back down at the file, and you tore your eyes away from him, opting to stare out of the window instead - the scenery passing you by in a blur as memories pre-Beth flooded your mind, and you relived them with a begrudging smile.

He did what he did and you hadn't forgiven him for it. But it couldn't wipe away the years that you'd had with him before it happened - the memories, the milestones...everything that made you fall and stay in love with him began to shine over the incident.

You didn't particularly believe in fate, but you were swayed in the direction of belief as the train juddered to a halt, miles away from the next stop.

"This is your train conductor speaking. We're gonna have a delay of around thirty minutes due to a track fault - we're sorry,"

As soon as the tannoy announcement finished, you looked at him almost instinctively, finding him doing the same thing. A small, quick war waged in his eyes before he stood up and tucked the file away into his briefcase. He stepped away from his seat, case in hand, and gingerly stepped over towards you, lingering next to the seat in front of you. You said nothing, but nodded to him and he sat down, placing the case onto the floor by his feet.

"I have wanted to tell you this for three years," He began, and you sat a little more upright in your seat. His eyes searched your face for any reason that he should shut up, but found nothing. He cleared his throat.

"I would give you the spiel of 'I was wrong, I don't know what I was thinking, it was a mistake' but I know you don't want to hear it, even if I mean it. You asked me a question that I never answered,"

You bit your lip anxiously and leaned forward, fidgeting with your fingers.

"You were always enough. Way more than enough, Y/N. I got myself caught up in something so meaningless and wrong. I said no to her at first, several times, but it just happened and then I felt like I couldn't stop it. Every single day, I wish I could go back and change everything...but I can't,"

You stayed silent, watching him with glassy eyes.

"I never stopped loving you and I never went back to her when you left. I deserved what you did, way more than what you did," He finished in a sincere, meaningful tone.

"You know, sometimes, I--" You sighed, glancing out of the window for a moment before turning back to him. "I still reach out for you when I go to sleep at night," You admitted. "For just a second, I forget that it happened and I still think you're there,"

A tear slipped out of his eye, but he refused to wipe it away or even move an inch.

"I never stopped loving you either...but, Aaron, you broke my heart. You broke my trust in you,"

He nodded, a few more tears sneaking down his cheeks. He looked down, you heard his feet shuffle slightly before he reached for his briefcase. He stood up.

"...but not completely," You muttered, just as he turned away from you, about to take his old seat again. He froze, his head slowly tilting in your direction.

"Not completely?" He repeated. He turned around fully, but staying put in the middle of the aisle, staring at you as if he wasn't comprehending what you were saying. You nodded.

"Do we still have a chance?" He whispered, and you patted the empty seat next to you. He sat down quickly, his face inches away from yours as he stared at you, trying to find any expression to give away your answer.

"I think so, if..." You trailed off. His hand softly took ahold of yours.

"If?"

"Kiss me. I'm tired of reliving memories," You said. Without another thought, he leaned in and kissed you softly, his lips bringing back every loving feeling that you had for him ten times over, washing you in a sweet euphoria that felt like home. You only kissed him back for a few seconds before pulling away.

"You have a lot of making up to do,"

"and more,"

-------

please let me know if these tags made it into your notfis!

the angel list join my taglist

♡ @babymango-writes ♡ @disgruntledchowchow ♡ @hotforhotchner11 ♡ @baumarvel ♡ @infinite-tides ♡ @whenyousleepbaby ♡ @ssa-ki99 ♡ @word-scribbless ♡ @ssamorganhotchner ♡ @meghannnnnn ♡ @averyhotchner ♡ @wolviesbabes ♡ @gspenc ♡ @kirstiejenniferx ♡ @skyler666 ♡ @strugglingtodoshit ♡ @dontcallmekittens ♡ @kuolonsyoja ♡ @villainswithbenefits ♡ @g-l-pierce

[ragingbookdragon]

I Won't Wait For The Day When You Look Back And Say That You Need Me And Love Me The Same

Hal Jordan x Reader One-Shot

Word Count: 1.4K Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: Galleons' new album has put me in a mood y'all. Enjoy my angst! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

The nights in Coast City were fairly cool compared to the days. Bright stars spread across a blanket of black, the scent of sea salt in the air, the sound of waves crashing the shore. The beach had always been one of their favorite places to hang out when they weren’t on an airstrip or at a bar. It was always the place she could see Hal for the man he really was, not the smart-ass, arrogant pilot. No, Hal was calm, soft words and stories coming from his lips, love for his friends and work.

It’s what she loved about Hal. All the years they’d been friends since they were kids, more often getting in trouble because once Hal started skipping out on school to watch his dad fly, so did she. She remembered getting scolded by her mother one afternoon, and the next morning she and Hal were hauling down the street past the school to the airfield, waving at Martin’s jet like he was waving back at them.

Of course, when Martin died, so did a part of Hal. He stopped eating for a few months, too sick to keep food down. He didn’t cry though. Just stared blankly at his lunch pail while everyone else ate their lunches. She found herself glued to Hal’s side during that time, simply resting her head on his shoulder while she ate her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, always offering Hal a bite; he merely shook his head.

And then one day it all changed. They got older, Hal jerked awake from his stupor, restored with a vigor that rivaled a nuclear power plant. He talked about joining the Air Force, becoming a pilot, flying all the time. From what he sometimes said, his mother wasn’t happy about it, forbade him even, but he wouldn’t be dissuaded. Hal had once taken her hands in his own, her ignoring how warm they were and the fluttering in her chest as he begged her to support him. She smiled and hugged Hal, promising to always support him.

She’d been there when he left for boot-camp, was there when he graduated, there when he was discharged and went into the civilian sector working at Ferris Aircraft. And she was there when he became Green Lantern. Was there when Coast City was destroyed—she’d gone to Gotham to visit her sister the day before, pure luck. She was there when Hal regained himself, forcing himself so hard to regain the trust of his fellow Lanterns. She stood beside Hal with heart overflowing with love for the man, always offering it to him in the guise of support and firm words.

He’d come back from a mission, shown up at her doorstep and offered to buy her dinner if she came with him and listened to him complain about his week as a Space Ranger. She’d merely laughed and grabbed her coat, letting him lead them to diner on the boardwalk and then to the pier where they stood, overlooking the water and the moon above.

“What’s it like up there, Hallie?” she asked, adjusting her grip on her purse. “Being in space…flying past the stars?”

Hal chuckled. “It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. All the childhood wonder of wanting to sail the stars coming alive.” He glanced at her. “You ever wanted to fly up there, (Y/N)?”

“Yeah.” She nudged him in the ribs. “Gotta let me borrow the ring one day and lemme try it.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Aww, why not?”

“Because knowing you, you’d blow something up.”

(Y/N) scowled. “Rude.”

“Truthful,” Hal grinned, and she shook her head, a smile coming over her lips. “Are you going to take that job in Gotham?”

She shrugged, sighing, “I don’t know…never really wanted to leave Coast City…and Gotham’s insurance is sky-high.” (Y/N) looked at him. “I guess I’m just waiting to see if there’s a good reason to stay.”

“You mean you’re waiting for the dramatic love declaration as you’re getting on the plane?”

“Something like that,” she answered, and they laughed; (Y/N) glanced at the purse in her hands. “Something like that,” she murmured again, and he leaned forward.

“What’d you say?”

She dug around in her purse then yanked something out, about the size of her hand; she handed it to him, watching him flip it over in his palm, recognition flashing across his face as he said, “This is one of the limited edition patches my dad bought…I gave you mine when you weren’t able to get one in time.” Hal looked at her. “You still have this?”

(Y/N) nodded. “I carry it everywhere I go. It’s my lucky charm.”

“Do you really?” he asked, wonder in his voice and she nodded again.

“Yeah. Always.”

“Why?” he laughed. “I figured it’d be stuffed in a box somewhere.”

(Y/N) blinked, trailing a finger up the side of the stitching, letting the feelings she always hid finally come out. “I keep it with me because it reminds me of the man I love.” She gazed at him as his eyes widened, jaw dropping. “I look at it when I need help. I wonder what would Hal do, then do the craziest, ballsy thing instead of playing safe.”

She brushed her fingers against his. “Truth is, Hal, I am waiting for a good reason to stay in Coast City…and I want that reason to be you.” (Y/N) smiled at him. “Hal, you’re the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, and you’re always the last thing I think about before I go to bed.” His hand was so warm. “We’ve been friends a long time and I think if we both took the step…we can be more.”

(Y/N) took a step closer. “So? Do you wanna give it a shot? You and me?”

Hal had recovered a few moments before, mouth drawn in a line, eyes soft and kind, prompting her to believe her greatest wish was going to be granted—all those lucky nights wishing on a shooting star.

Then he opened his mouth and what came out left her feeling numb, fingers dead where they touched his. “(Y/N), I don’t know what to say…”

“Good unknown or bad unknown?” she offered, and he shook his head.

“I just…I don’t know.” He sighed. “I need time to think this over.”

(Y/N) tried not to let the hurt show on her face, instead masking it with understanding, leveling her voice as she agreed, “Of course…but I have to ask, do you know how long it’ll be until you have an answer?”

Hal inhaled. “I’m not sure.” Gently, he placed the patch back in her hand. “Here. You take this back, I—” his ring flashed, causing them to both look down at it and he sighed.

“Go,” she said. “You’re needed.”

He nodded. “Right.” Hal’s suit flashed over his body, and he rose into the sky. “See you around, (Y/N).”

“You too, Hal,” she answered quietly, knowing that the tone of his voice meant she wasn’t going to see him around for a while. She watched him fly into the distance, then she sat down on the pier and pulled out her phone, shooting the CEO in Gotham a quick text. I’ll take the job.

***A Week Later***

“Hey, Jordan!” someone shouted, and he looked up. “You’ve got a package!” they snickered. “It looks like it’s from one of your lady loves.”

With furrowed brows and a huffed laugh, he walked over and swiped the neatly wrapped green box from the other pilot’s hands, taking a seat in one of the lobby chairs before undoing the bow. He pulled the top off the box and shoved the tissue paper out of the way, surprise etching across his face as he saw the blue and gray patch resting on the delicate paper.

Hal pulled it out, catching sight of something beneath it, a small index card; he recognized her handwriting, taking it in his hand as he silently read,

I don’t think my good reason is here in Coast City. Maybe I’ll find it in Gotham instead. I took the job at Wayne Enterprises. I’m sorry for not saying goodbye, but something told me to leave this behind—you’ll need it in the coming future more than I will. Good luck, Hal, and please, be careful.

Love always,

(Y/N) (L/N)

[mcufox123]

The Worst of You

Wanda Maximoff x fem reader

Synopsis: You have defeated Thanos but what does that mean for your relationship with Wanda.

A/N: In this story all of the characters survive Endgame because they just do. This is just part one, another part will be coming out soon. Also I wrote this based off the Noah Cyrus and P.J. Harding song “The worst of you.”

Warning: Alcoholism, Self spiraling, grief

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!

*****************************************************************************************************

Tony threw another infamous party on Saturday to celebrate one year since you all defeated Thanos and life returning to somewhat normal from the blip. The world was in chaos with half of the population returning that everyone was everywhere helping out wherever they could. It had been about a year now and things were finally getting back to normal. The Avengers had not been together at the compound since Thanos was defeated, so in a way the party was celebratory. You and Wanda however were not in the celebratory mood.

You and Wanda had been dating for almost 3 years now, theoretically. Your relationship had started before the blip, sneaking off to see each other was very romantic. Two years into the relationships the blip happened. She was gone, dusted. It devastated you. You two were conjoined at the hip, so her being gone left you lost. For the first 3 years after the blip, you worked so hard to get everyone back, to get Wanda back. By the end of year 3 however you crashed. You flipped out at Natasha, the one person who had been there for you. You stopped eating, only when you absolutely had to. And you almost never left your room. You had spiraled now realizing that your love might be gone forever.

By year 4 you had hardened yourself from all emotions. The only people who could see you, were Nat and Steve. You went on missions for them but when you returned you gave your report then went right to your room. You got drunk nearly every night. Drinking until you were numb from the pain and eventually passed out. That’s how the rest of the blip went, until Scott Lang showed up at the compound. You did not even indulge any bit of hope. You weren’t going to get excited about something that may not even come true. When everyone started to put in the work however, you helped. You played along with their plan.

After getting all of the infinity stones, when Bruce snapped, you did feel a bit of hope and it continue to grow when Clint’s phone range and it was Laura. That’s when you blacked out for a second when Thanos destroyed the compound. The fight that ensued was hard. Not everyone was back. They few that were fighting were injured. That’s when all of these portals started opening with all of your friends who you hadn’t seen in 5 years. It brought tears to your eyes. Not for long as the fighting continued. You did not even see Wanda during the fight. You only met her when all of Thanos’ army began to disappear. You sprinted as fast as your feet would take you to hug her in a huge embrace. You squeezed her so hard and cried into her shoulder. Your 5 years only seemed to be 5 minutes for her. You kissed her hard. Putting in all the pain and need into that kiss as your mouths moved in sync.

After the fight was over a majority of you moved into Stark Towers until the compound was cleaned up and rebuilt, but most of you were never there, always on missions. You and Wanda, after the first few blissful weeks of being back fell into a pattern. You always got drunk out of habit now and she was asleep by the time you went to bed, and she was always gone before you woke up in the morning running somewhere to save people. You weren’t into helping as much as she was. You felt that you had given 5 long years to helping people, it was time for someone else to step up, and of course Wanda thought that meant her.

Neither of you communicated as much with each other. She saw you spiral, she asked “Y/N, are you ok? I’m here babe I'm back you can talk to me.” She begged with glossy eyes. You however just shrugged her off “I’m fine Wanda, just leave it alone.” And you walked out to where the bar was and grabbed the whiskey, not even bothering to take a glass. Wanda didn’t ask again after that. She was trying so hard herself not to spiral so instead she kept her distance. This is how the past year went. You went to parties together and pretended everything was fine, putting on a great act in front of the team when you saw them. The nights that you pretended never involved going to bed, you would stay up in each other’s embrace, trying so hard to return to normal. After both of you were finished, you always put on clothes and walked out of the room to grab a drink, most the time crying. Wanda stayed in bed watching you leave as silent tears rolled down her face.

Both of you were so broken and couldn’t fix each other. But neither of you could bear the thought of leaving each other. You had already lost her for 5 years and you were not going to lose her again, you loved her so much still and wanted to get back to the place you both were. Wanda on the other hand still loved you. She could see your pain, the hurt you went through. She wanted so bad just to hold you in her arms and take all of the pain and suffering away. But every time you both tried the other person would just shut down.

Tony’s one year anniversary party, although supposed to be fun, was torture. You were already pretty drunk, and the party hadn’t even started a half an hour ago. Wanda was pissed. You were constantly leaning on her trying to keep your self up right and failing miserably. She decided to move you both to the couches where Steve, Nat, and Tony were talking. You’re eyes drooped shut, and you weren’t quite asleep but there was no way you could have a decent conversation.

“You holding up ok kid?” Tony asked Wanda, who had her head in her hands.

“As best I can. I’m worried about her. She gave so much, and I feel like the cost is me losing her.” Wanda said now wiping a tear away from her face. Nat quickly got up to hold Wanda in an embrace.

“What do you need to do? What do you need us to do?” Steve asked. He wanted to have a plan that all of them could work on to help you.

“I can’t hurt her,” Wanda said in a whisper, “But I can’t keep hurting myself either.”

You heard this and wanted to scream, you wanted to run far away. Away from all the pain, and sorrow that you have caused. But you just laid there like a drunk idiot. After that you didn’t hear anymore. The thoughts continued running and eventually you did fully pass out.

“Why don’t you go away for a little? Be at peace with yourself and come to terms with everything. We’ll take care of Y/N.” Steve suggested.

“You can come stay at the cabin near my house. You can help Pepper with Morgan and have the space you need. I could use a little help cleaning the grounds and your help would make it 10 times easier.” Tony continued.

“At least think about it Wanda. We all just want to help, and I’ll keep my eye on Y/N, let you know how she’s doing.” Natasha finally finished. Wanda wanted so bad to take them up on their offer right then and there. But she couldn’t help loving the worst part of you and this relationship you both were in.

She told them she would think about it, before waking you up and taking you to bed. She cleaned off your makeup, changed you into pajamas, and put you in bed. Before climbing in herself she just sat on the edge of the bed. Staring at you and how at peace you looked. Wishing that you could stay like this all the time. She wanted so badly to help you through this time, but she was slowly losing herself. She finally crawled into bed and cuddled closer to you which she hadn’t done since you pushed her away once. This was one night when you both slept completely, no nightmares waking either of you up.

The next morning you woke up with an awful headache. You weren’t going to reach next to you because you didn’t think Wanda would be there, but she was. To you this meant that you had did something right last night, but you can’t remember what. You walked into the kitchen to get coffee for you and Wanda, deciding to continue your good streak with her today. When you enter your surprised to see Steve, Natasha, and Tony all talking. They quiet down when you enter the room.

“Love when people act like they aren’t talking about me.” You say in a snarky tone.

“Maybe we wouldn’t be talking about you if you got your shit together Y/N.” Tony replied just as aggressively.

“That’s rich coming from the man who disappeared into the woods for 5 years while the world fell apart.” You yell back. You were slamming things now, getting angrier and angrier. You saw Steve eye Tony, as Natasha got up and walked towards you.

“Breath Y/N” she soothed as she came closer to you and gave you a hug. You took deep breathes as you calmed down. A tense silent took over the room.

“Y/N, look I'm sorry. I’m just worried about you. Morgan misses you, ya know? She always asks when Elsa is coming back to visit. And well you’re not ok Y/N. I want you to be ok. I want the badass who fought beside me in every battle. Who also was having fun with me and going to fun places being the life of the party. Who always remembered what happened the day after the party and would most the time scold me. I want to help you can I help you?” Tony says while making his way over to you eventually placing his hands on your shoulders making you look at him.

“Shut up Tony. I would still be that person if you didn’t abandon us. I would still be that person if we didn’t fail. If I didn’t spend 5 years wondering if there was something I could’ve done to prevent all of this. If I could’ve saved everyone. If there was something I could’ve done to save her.” You push him away and abandon the cups of coffee you were making. Instead, you walked to the bar only to find it empty. This pissed you off. You kick the cabinets underneath. He was getting to you, bringing up all of the feelings that you try to keep buried. You couldn’t tell them; you couldn’t burden them any longer.

You eventually broke down with your hands on the bar. No one moved this time to comfort you seeing the ice that was forming on your hands. After a few minutes you composed yourself.

“I need to take a walk. I need to get out of here for a bit.” You say while grabbing your keys and walking out the door, not bothering to look back. You headed right for the local bar.

Back at the compound everyone wasn’t as ok with you leaving.

“What do we do?” Tony asked while looking at his friends. Bruce had now joined the breakfast crew.

“I suggest therapy, we don’t know if medication will have an effect on her. I think she also needs to go away, get some sense knocked back into her, maybe Wakanda?” Bruce suggested.

“They are both going to be devastated if we send her away. I think she needs to stay here and get help here.” Natasha challenged. She had both you and Wanda’s interest at heart.

“She can’t stay here with Wanda; they will both continue to destroy each other. One of them needs to get out. One of them needs to be ok.” Steve said sadly.

“I’ll talk to Wanda.” Natasha said getting up and heading towards your room. She knocked and waited for a response. All she heard was sniffling on the other side of the door. She walked in to see Wanda curled up on the bed, not even moving when Natasha sat next to her. She pushed some hair out of Wanda’s eyes.

“You’re not ok sweetie, and that’s ok.” Natasha said. “We just want both of you to get better, we miss our friends. She needs help Wanda. You have done everything you possibly could, but this is out of any of our control. We need to get Y/N help. She’ll come back to you I promise.” Natasha said trying to comfort Wanda. Wanda didn’t say anything though, just cried harder holding onto Natasha like a child who lost their favorite stuffed animal. Natasha sat there and comforted Wanda until she quieted down again.

“Tony called Happy, and he can be here in an hour and a half to get you. Pepper is setting up the cabin as we speak. This could help you both, this could help you get her back.” She finished as she felt the younger girl hold her tighter. Wanda was afraid that if she let go and went with her then that meant she was giving up on you.

Eventually Natasha pulled away and looked at Wanda in the eyes, “It’s going to be ok; she is going to be ok, you are going to be ok. Do the work, put in the time to get better and it will all be worth it.” Wanda nodded before getting up and walking to her closet to get her suitcase.

Natasha walked out of the room and to the kitchen where Tony, Steve, Bruce and now Sam and Bucky were.

“Well, she’s packing.” Natasha informed them.

“Ok so here is the plan.” Steve continued to tell the rest of them the process they would take to help both of their teammates.

Hours had passed and the time finally came for you to drive home from the bar. You couldn’t even walk in a straight line to the car but it was only a short 5-minute drive. You could pull it together enough for 5 minutes. The drive seemed to be harder this time, with things blurring together. All of a sudden you hear sirens behind you. Of course, of course this would happen to you. The police officer gets out of the car and walks up to your window.

“name?” he says not even bothering to look at you.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” you say just staring at the wheel that can’t seem to stay still.

“Are you aware that you were driving 20 over the speed limit?” he asks finally looking at you. It takes him a moment before he realizes who you are. His eyes widen.

“You’re an avenger. I am so sorry. You do not seem like you are in any condition to drive though, can I call someone?” he asks very apologetically. Being an avenger did have some advantages.

“Yeah, you can call Wanda,” and you gave the man her number. After trying 4 times she still didn’t pick up though.

“Anyone else ma’am?” this irked you to no end. One because Wanda wasn’t answering and two, he just called you ma’am. You didn’t show any signs of aggression however because you didn’t want to scare the poor man. Instead, you gave the one number you knew you could call if you ever got in trouble.

“Yeah, Bucky.” You told him. He called, Bucky picked up and assured the officer he would be there right away. Sam dropped Bucky off not even 5 minutes later and thanked the police officer. He also assured him that the avengers would be taking care of my punishment. You rolled your eyes and looked out the window as he started to drive off. Before giving him time to speak you immediately started.

“Where is Wanda?”

“Y/N I can’t answer that.” He continued driving straight faced.

“Why the hell not? Where is my girlfriend? Is she safe?” you said starting to feel the icicles forming on your hands.

“She’s fine Y/N.”

“Bucky these short answers are really starting to piss me off. Also, what do you mean the avengers are going to be taking care of my punishment? I don’t need a punishment I was fine. I am fine.”

“STOP LYING TO YOURSELF Y/N.” he yelled startling you, “god can’t you see you’re not fine. You need help. You were not ok to drive. You are really lucky that policeman pulled you over before you could do any real damage. I’m sick of this person you have become. You’re hurting me, you’re hurting the team, you’re hurting yourself, and something I don’t think you realized is your hurting Wanda. That girl would die for you. She would do anything to be with you and make this pain go away and your just being so selfish to even try. Get over yourself.” He says frustrated.

His words hit you like bullets though. The final one being that your hurting Wanda. You’re not sure what happens but you look down to see your hand on fire. This has never happened before. You knew that you had ice powers, but fire powers were a new thing. Just before you can do anything you feel a sharp pain in your neck and then the lights go out.

Bucky was stunned the whole way home. Where the hell did the fire come from. As he pulled in the driveway, he asked Tony to come out in the Iron Man suit.

“What the heck happened? Our directions were to go get her bring her back, don’t say anything so we could stage our intervention! Only use the needle if it was an emergency!” Tony asked a very shocked Bucky.

“I’m no expert Tony, but I think her shooting flames out of her fingers is a bit of an emergency.” Bucky says as Tony stared at him wide eyed.

Tony carries you cautiously into the compound and sits you on the couch. Bruce puts the antidote needle into your neck, so you wake up. As soon as the light reaches your eyes your furious.

“What the actual hell?” you sneer at Bucky. You feel the flames in your fingers and look down to see the bottom half of your body engulfed in flames. Oddly enough nothing hurts, and you just feel power. The all cower besides Steve who was ready with a fire extinguisher. You just glared at him, however. You got up from the couch and made your way to your bedroom that you shared with Wanda. Her things were all gone. You felt as though the wind got knocked out of you. She couldn’t be gone, not again. You searched the bathroom the walk-in closet everything, there was no trace of her anywhere. It was like the blip but worse.

Your throat felt as if it was closing up. You could have prevented this; you saw this coming and did nothing to fix it. Unlike the blip you were to blame this time. You chased her away. The one person you cared about the most gave up on you. You were nothing to no one. No family, no friends, no Wanda. You broke, not being able to keep any emotions in any longer. You sobbed. You didn’t know who put their hand on your shoulder, but you turned into them sobbing into their chest.

“It’s alright kid, just let it all out.” Tony murmured into your hair. You had always been closest to Tony before the blip. He was like the older brother you always wanted. After he went to the woods it felt like he had given up on you, but here in his arms you knew he hadn’t. He held you for a long time while you sobbed. When no more tears came, and the hiccups started getting annoying he guided you to the kitchen. Everyone sat around the table not saying much with a water in front of each. The only seats that were empty was yours, Tony’s, and Wanda’s. Your heart sank a bit.

“Come have a seat Y/N” Natasha summoned you to the seat next to her.

Bruce was the first to break the silence. “how are you feeling Y/N?”

“Like a complete failure. Like I lost the one good thing in my life. I need help guys. I'm messed up.” You said keeping your eyes focused on the fingers in your lap.

“Hey, I have something for you.” Steve says reaching across the table. Tony interjects “You think now is a good time?”

“She admitted she needs help; she deserves to see this.” Steve walked around the table to hand you the piece of paper. You see your name written in an all too familiar handwriting, Wanda’s. You unfold the paper quickly to read its contents:

My love, Y/N, I love you with all of my heart. I always have and I always will. I am not ok though. I need some time to process all of the events that have happened. I need to be ok again to even start being able to help you. I have had so much grief and you made it all go away at one point. You are the light of my life Y/N, and I'm not strong enough to be yours yet. This isn’t a goodbye; this is a see you later until we both get the help we need. I will be back and I love you so much. Don’t be afraid to let go and open up, you will feel so much better my love. Yours forever, Wanda xx

You felt even more awful now that you know it isn’t over. She’s giving you the time to get better and you will. You will get the help you need; you will do the work.

“How do I get better?” you say with a determined look on your face. They all stare at you shocked but a glimmer of hope passes by all of their eyes.

[captainrexisboo]

Ice

-DJ Khaled voice- Another one.

What the fuck?? Four fics in just one weekend?? After two whole months of inactivity?? Aha, I am in no way as productive as you think I am. I’ve been sitting on all of these projects for almost three months now lmao- but they’re here now for your viewing pleasure, babes! This is a one shot Rex x Jedi!Reader, but they are not together. They do not get together. This is just Rex, pining for some oblivious Jedi General (you) and dealing with it by being grumpy and thinking he has the upper hand in teasing the reader. I left the gender of the reader pretty ambiguous I think? I hope?

No warnings apply, except I guess foul language if you don’t like that. And vague imaginings of semi steamy scenarios. Some angst if you squint. But really, it’s just fluffy pining, with a needy (and in denial) Rex. Comments, questions, reblogs and replies absolutely welcome and encouraged!

~

“T-take off the a-a-armor.”

The jaig eyes turned to you, the blue and white blending into the Pantoran ice and snow effortlessly. This would be the only environment suitable for their stark white armor as camouflage, and here you were demanding him stripped. Knowing you couldn’t read his bewildered expression, Rex tilted his head to you in a curious motion, “Why?”

“It’s fekkin’ f-freezin’ Cap,” you spoke through chattering teeth, pulling your robes tighter around you. He chuckled at your cursing, no other Jedi talked so blunt like you did, so casual. It was even worse when you were outside the temple, falling out of regulations and decorum the moment it was just you and your troopers. Hell, they didn’t even have to be your troopers. Force knows how often you’ve snuck around the barracks on Coruscant, going from battalion to battalion, whoever had furlough, making sure every clone gets at least a moment's worth of normalcy in their too-short life. Rex would be lying if he said it wasn’t endearing, and he may have felt a slight smidgen of pride that, aside from your own men, you seemed to find yourself in the 501st bunks the most.

“So? I’m perfectly toasty in this specialized insulated armor. You’re the one that decided not to wear your cold-assault gear until we got to the surface, General L/N,” Rex teased, drawing out your name and title nice and slow, biting back a bit of laughter at the way you scrunch your nose whenever you got annoyed, “Why would you want me to de-kit? To be cold with you?”

“Don’t c-call me that, Rex,” you bit out, groaning at the formality, and the chill going down your spine, “Y-you know I’m just Y/N.”

“I’ll stop calling you proper, when you stop being a Jedi,” he chided, prodding some more at the fire in the dim cavern, the only light being the glowing embers in front of you and whatever was being illuminated off the snow right at the mouth of the cave. Your ship had crashed into the freezing moon in the midst of a brutal blizzard, luckily right next to the base of a mountain with accessible caves. Unluckily, you were also 15 klicks west of your rendezvous point, with the wind and snow causing major damage to your transmitters and interfering with the signal in your commlinks. You weren’t going anywhere, or talking to anyone, until the storm let up.

You huffed at his strict persona, you know Rex only acted so dogmatic to rile you up. You saw how nonchalantly he acted around Anakin and Ahsoka, even Obi-Wan at times. No, with you it was entertainment, a game to see how much you could take before breaking, and he loved it. Even without the Force, you could see it in the shake of his shoulders at his quiet laughter, hear the coy smirk in the dip of his drawl, watching the extra swing in his stride as he walked away triumphant every time, so sure he had succeeded in driving you crazy. This time, he had nowhere to run.

Ignoring his baiting taunt, you crawled around the fire to sit right next to him, “P-please, Captain? I’m r-r-really kriffin’ c-cold, and while the fire is so delightful, I think i-it’d be in both o-our best interests to h-have a second source of heat.”

Rex nearly dropped his stick he was using to poke at the kindles, tensing slightly before clearing his throat, “Oh? And what ‘source of heat’ did you have in mind?”

“D-don’t play dumb,” you shivered again, pouting at how you stuttered while he sat a little too well composed for your liking, “I know the K-Kaminoans t-taught you all about s-s-survival tactics. I d-do it with my boys a-all the time. Strip to your b-blacks, m-me to my t-t-tunic, then I’ll wrap my robes around the two of us. B-body heat, Rex.”

Your boys. Your affectionate term for your ever-faithful battalion, that apparently frequently slept and cuddled with you in the most innocent and familiar of ways. Still, something about it made Rex’s stomach stir, his mouth twisting from a smirk into a silent snarl under his helmet. He wasn’t against ‘cuddle puddles’ with the vode, every single brother took part in them, and it wasn’t unusual to find a stray jedi or padawan compacted in the very middle of the pile. He knew for a fact that the 212th had regular arguments as to who’s turn it was to use General Kenobi as a pillow (and that Cody never partook in those bouts- no, he was always the General’s pillow). In theory, he knows it's more than a possibility for you to be a part of them, especially with your extremely relaxed extroverted personality, but actually hearing you say it out loud had something ugly rear its head to sour the Captain’s mood. He attempted to shoo the little creature away, trying to scare it off with a forced cough to make it scurry back into hiding and leave his inner peace alone. His mind clear again, he peered into your pleading doe eyes through his visor, seeing the flames flickering reflections off your irises in a whimsical dance. His gaze went lower, following the slope of your nose, before tracing the shape of your full pout, lips trembling and reddened from the cold, nearly beginning to chap. The slight clicking of your teeth as he watched you shiver under your robes made him resign to your request, sighing as he removed the cowled helmet, “Fine. Why you didn’t just wear your own cold-assault gear is beyond me, but I’ll help you stay warm this time.”

“Oh, thank the force,” you whimpered, immediately dropping the outermost robe from your shoulders, staying on your knees as he stood up to remove his layers. Rex nearly dropped his cuirass, watching you unwrap your tan-colored linen underneath to reveal a gripping white tunic, clinging to your every curve and muscle, no part of you left to the imagination except the actual flesh itself. You even discarded your boots and breeches, leaving you in opaque black tights. Without the safety of his helmet, Rex tore his eyes from you, desperate to hold onto some semblance of rectitude, taking a deep inhale through his nose before continuing his own removal. Rex could feel the tip of his nose numbing just slightly, shaking his head at what the hell was he doing-

“You know, if we get found like this-”

“We’ll s-say I got hypothermia and you were ‘d-doing your duty t-to protect the Jedi’,” you giggled, a little forced, hands coming up to rub at your shoulders, attempting to create some friction, but wincing at the iciness of your fingers, “Rex, hurry!”

Your whine of his name had him hesitant to remove the bottom half of his armor, already starting to feel something forbidden gathering in the depths of his stomach. He tried to fend off the feeling by turning his head to the stone wall and talking- though whether that was an effective decision remained to be seen. “I’m just saying, can’t you use the Force or whatever to warm yourself up? Isn’t that something you can do? I know you can use the Force for healing purposes, this’d be like that, right?”

“If I had f-followed the path of m-m-medical practice, sure,” your breath came out in little clouds as you puffed through another tremor, wrapping your dark robe around your shoulders as you waited for Rex to finish, “But, I didn’t, I chose the kn-n-nights, and so I’m here, and n-now I’m your problem.”

“My problem,” Rex grumbled under his breath as he sat back down, tugging at the final parts of his boots, not caring that you could actually hear him, “Skywalker is my problem. Tano is my problem. Kenobi can even be considered my problem at times, but you, General? No, no, no. You’re not my problem, you’re-”

Turning back around to face you, he nearly choked on his own spit. He hadn’t realized how close you were, and without his helmet, his nose brushed against yours in an innocent bunny kiss, the brief friction making him jump back nearly a foot away. A teasing chuckle left you at his skittish reaction, cocking your head to the side as you opened your robe back up and beckoned him closer, “Wrong way, Captain. C’mere.”

His throat felt tight, closing off almost everything, even air, and despite his discarded layers he was certain the back of his neck was beginning to sweat. The way you so carefully had folded your legs, thighs pillowing together in such an enticing way, leaning on your elbow to pronounce the slope of your hips and curve of your waist...he could so easily wrap his arms around you perfectly, before settling his head to rest on your chest and memorize the beat of your heart- the pinch of his nails digging into the meat of his palm drew him out of his mind before he could fall any further down that rabbit hole. He cleared his throat, throwing his gaze to the floor as his entire being tensed, “This…i-is not regulation, General.”

“Oh my maker you’ve been hanging out with Echo too much,” you groaned, throwing your head back dramatically, “Rex, please?”

He swallowed down a hard gulp of air, inching his way over to you, without looking up from the floor. You met him halfway, dragging your thickest robe behind you, and sighed in relief at the natural waves of heat coming off of him. Every single clone ran hot, and you trapped that heat by throwing the robes over the two of you, wrapping your hands around the back of Rex’s head and pulling him into your neck as you leaned against a standing rock.

One minute his eyes were counting cracks and jagged holes scattered over the cave floor, and the next they were gifted with a gracious view of your form, so close he could smell your clean body wash, a soft mint that tickled his nose, and he had to count to ten to control his breath so he didn’t just inhale you instead of oxygen. It was a concentrated effort made extremely difficult due to the delightfully sharp pressure of your nails against his scalp. You already felt like heaven, he had to tense himself from wanting to grab for more of you- which he didn’t have to do anyways. You had pulled him into you, his nose brushing over your neck, the tip still chilled, making a breathless giggle leave you, “Oh, your nose is s-so icy!”

“Who's fault is that,” Rex grumbled into you, mumbling to try to keep his lips from mouthing over your exposed collarbone. What he couldn’t stop was the delighted shiver that ran through him as your hands started massaging the tired planes of muscle in his back, making him lose a bit of discipline and dropping flush against you. He made a horrified sound, the breath strangled in his throat as he felt a nervous sweat thickly dripping over the back of his neck, before that sweet amused sound left you once again.

“Rex, you're so tense! Here, lemme just-”

Your hands worked in smooth motions, rubbing deep into his tired tissue. He could feel his eyes roll back into his head, biting the swell of his lip to keep any lewd sounds from leaving him, focusing on syncing his breath with the flow of your touches. His form was finally slack, keeping you trapped underneath him as his arms tentatively found their way around your waist, holding you to him, his face buried in the crook of your neck. You hummed at the coverage of him over you, leaning to nuzzle against the side of his head, the prick of his blond tickling the tip of your numbed nose. You whispered to him, eyelids growing heavy as you curled into him, “Thank you, Captain.”

Your breathing evened out, deep and slow, your hands coming to a rest, stopping on the small of his back and between his shoulder blades. Rex couldn’t believe it; you had fallen asleep in his arms. His eyes slowly peeked open, and he wiggled a bit, getting to a place where he faced you instead of the rock you were both leaning on. His eyes were nearly level with your jawline, he could trace the profile of your parted lips, still threatening to chap in the cold air, but your breath didn’t stutter anymore from the chill. He really was helping keep you warm.

He had dreamt about those lips, memorized the way they shaped his name, watched the direction you preferred to run your tongue over them while you were deep in thought. He licked his own lips in just that way, thinking about how maybe it’d feel if he were to do that to yours.

Maker, he was awful. Thinking about his wretched togue playing at your perfect lips, while you laid so peaceful and trusting underneath him.

Rex prided himself as a man of honor, he wasn’t so foolish as to attempt anything, but even just thinking about you in this vulnerable way as you let him hold you… he felt slimy, unworthy to be in your good graces. He let out a shuddering breath, not in the cold but in longing, exhaling your name as his arms brought you impossibly closer to him. For however long the two of you had, however long the storm lasted, he would treasure this. He would treasure you. 

He was a fool for fighting you on this. Being lulled by your breath to join you into rest as the blizzard raged on, the only thing he would change would be how late he was in agreeing to your conditions. When you both awoke, with the snow settled and communications running, when you were both with your respective teams, and yourself in proper gear, Rex would still have tonight in his memory. He would still be holding you in his arms, breathing you in, and playing the memory of your heartbeat, the soft thumping tempo so soothing, on repeat in his mind.

[jordanstrophe]

Be a Good Guest, part 8

CW: Whump, failed escape attempt (again...) kidnapping, electrocution, choking *inhales* intimate, possessive, creepy, protective, parental whumper, slapping, blindfold, restraining, shackles mentioned, manhandling, angst, so much angst with a seasoning of despair. No happy ending for this chapter at least :c

Masterlist

Walter was happy today, dancing and humming as he moved about the house with the radio playing a cheerful song. Gabriel didn’t even have the chain shackled to his leg today, he did still have the tracker in his neck of course, but if he pretended that it wasn't there, it almost felt like a normal ordinary morning.

“Good morning, little one!” He smiled. “Gmorning..” Gabriel gorged. He stood with his arms crossed while swaying on his feet, his eyes half open. He was hardly sleeping, the bed still felt foreign to him as he would just stare blankly at the ceiling. 

He was homesick. As lonely as his crammed apartment was back at home, he would rather be lonely, then here. He felt two arms slither around his waist from behind as he gasped with chills running up his spine. 

“Please don’t touch me!” He barked, jumping from his grasp and pinning himself against the wall.

“It was just a hug” He giggled, extending his arms out. Gabriel shook his head no as he refused to budge from his corner. Walter sighed as his arms fell crossed. “Are you still scared of me?” He asked.

He didn’t respond, his eyes just darted around the room to everywhere but his burning gaze. “Come now, Gabriel, It’s been a week. I’m doing everything I can to keep you happy, can’t you give it a little effort?” He asked, his voice growing impatient. “I just...I don’t want to stay here, please...” He begged. 

Walter’s face fell with sheer disappointment. He sighed as he slumped onto the piano bench, tapping his nail against the wood as an invitation for him to sit. Gabriel silently shook his head no once more, cringing and squeezing his eyes shut when he heard him abruptly stand up. He knew he was testing the waters a bit, but maybe he could pity himself out of this. He wouldn’t hurt him for something this mild, right?

*Slap*

His cheek burned as his whole body hit the fridge door. His lip that had just healed from the car crash splitting once again as blood smeared across the fridge. Gabriel took a shuttered breath as his hand gripped the door handle with his other hand on his red cheek. 

“Wh-what is wrong with you!?” Gabriel shrieked. “Are you crazy!?”

He regretted his words instantly as a hand wrapped around his throat, pinning him against the fridge as he fell silent. Walter rested his other arm over his head against the fridge as if he wasn’t already presenting enough dominance. He wasn’t squeezing his throat very tight at least, it was just enough to scare the daylight from him.

“I’m getting real tired of your constant disrespect, young man. You live under my roof, the least you can do is show an ounce of thankfulness for everything I do for you.” He hissed in his ear. Gabriel whined against his hand around his neck as he pressed his back against the fridge. The hand retracted as Walter’s fingers moved to wrap around his chin, tilting his head up until their eyes met.

“Tell me you’ll behave.” He raised an eyebrow.

“I-I’ll behave...” He whispered.

“Little louder.”

Gabriel’s eyes darted down, he was just doing this to be purely dominant now.

“Gabriel if you disobey me one more time I’m taking you to the basement.”

“I’ll behave!” He yelped.

“Good boy.” He smiled, his hand moving from his chin to lovingly caress his face as he slightly flinched. “Go sit down now, breakfast is almost done!” He smiled.

It was disgusting how he could change his mood in a flash. Gabriel’s legs felt numb as he struggled to walk to the table, slinking on the seat. He kept his wide eyes forward, too scared to move or even breathe too hard in fear of attracting anymore unwanted attention.

There was a clattering sound with a splash of water as Walter dropped a full cup of hot tea. “Drat!” He yelled, hissing and cursing under his breath as steam fumed off his soaking clothes. He grabbed his boiling wet robe and tossed it over the chair to get it off, before marching off to his room for a change of clothes. 

Gabriel sat wide eyes staring at the robe pocket opened just enough he could see the cluster of keys poking out.

Gabriel didn’t even think twice about the consequences as he reached into the pocket, grabbed the keys and bolted. They were much heavier than he expected, with about two dozen medieval looking keys hooked on a loop. His hands trembled as he fumbled with it, trying each one in the keyhole to the main door. The window, unfortunately, was out of the question, Walter made sure of that with metal bars after his pitiful first escape attempt.

He could hear Walter in the other room opening and slamming drawers, there wasn’t much time left. He was about halfway through and none of them had worked yet- 

*click*

One had finally fit as he bolted out the door. He still had a tracker in his neck, but all he had to do was outrun him, right? He felt his pulse beat through his body, his head pounding as he sprinted up the hill. He had been here before, but this time he was free of the chain dragging him down, the thing that screwed him over the first time. Finally, he made it to the road. He stood there, looking left, then right.

No cars… No one ever came here. He ran down the road, there wasn’t a soul in sight. He slowed to a stop as his lungs started burning, his hands on his knees as he gasped for air. He stopped when he thought he heard something… Chattering? Laughing? No, that was too good to be true. He took a deep breath and held it, trying to listen as he straightened up, spinning around trying to figure out where it could have come from. 

There it was again, a laugh. It was coming from the other side of the road near a trail. There must have been hikers! He bolted in the direction, following the cheery voices of what sounded like a small group of people having a laugh. He could see movement through the branches as his chest leapt with relief…

Finally, finally! He made it! There were people right there, just a few yards away!  “Heey!” He hollered, staggering through the woods. “PLEASE HELP ME!” He cried. He did it… He had made it out. 

His cries for help were interrupted by his own screams as a shock spiked through his body. What felt like thousands of needles stabbed through his neck forced him to plummet to the ground. After a couple of seconds, it stopped as he found himself lying in the dirt on his back, his hand held to his neck as he heaved for air. He scampered to his feet, before he could take a step, the full weight of someone tackled him from behind, pinning him to the ground on his chest with a hand tightly woven around his lips. 

His screams and crying were muffled as he fought back, digging his knees into the dirt trying to push the man off, who kept his arms and head pinned to the ground. He could hear the voices commenting the strange noise they heard in the woods, but brushing it off as some animal romping around. 

“But it sounded like a voice.”

“It’s just your imagination, or just another hiker, who cares?”

Tears swelled in his eyes as he was forced to watch the group walk by. He stayed pinned to the ground for several more minutes until they were long gone, the forest grew silent with their passing. The weight pressing against his back quickly became agonizing as his distressed noises were muffled. 

His hand retreated as he instantly shouted for help, electricity pulsed through his body again. His back arched off the ground in the man’s arms as he was held. “Gabriel, stop this right this instant!” Walter hissing in his ear after lifting off the trigger.

Gabriel went slack in his arms, his body still quivering. Walter got off him as he continued to lie still in the ground between his feet obediently. 

“Get up.” He ordered.

Gabriel blinked his eyes open, his tears mixing with the dirt on his face as he looked up with a pitiful expression. Walter only stared him down as he finally sighed in submission, slowly crawling to his feet. 

“Walk. Let's go.” He ordered. “You’re going to behave, and walk all the way home. Do you understand?” He growled. Gabriel flinched into a nod as he wobbled on his feet. Walter pointed to the direction of the cabin as Gabriel held his arms tightly to his chest as he shakily cowered past him. 

He was forced to walk in front, as Walter loomed behind him making sure he stayed in check. He lost his footing at one point and fell to the ground, only to be roughly grabbed and ripped to his feet. 

The cheerful music was still playing when he was shoved into the cabin. His hair was roughly grabbed as Walter dragged him along, ripping the basement door open. 

“W-wait..” He rasped. 

He was ignored as he was thrown onto an old wooden chair. Cuffs and shackles already built into it clamped over his wrists, ankles and neck tightly. He could still hear the happy music playing on upstairs.

“Wait! P-please!” Gabriel begged, tears dripping down his face as a blindfold was secured over his eyes. “Please don’t! You don’t have to do this!” He sobbed. He felt a hand rest in his hair, gently petting him. 

“Yes I do, little dove. Because you made me. This is for your own good.” He planted a kiss in his hair. “Since you want to be cut loose like a wild animal so badly, you can stay here, where it’s safe until you learn what’s good for you. That I’m good for you.” 

Gabriel heard his footsteps stomping up the stairs as the basement door slammed, muffling the joyful music playing like some sick fever dream.

“PLEASE! Don’t leave me here, I’m begging you!” He sobbed, his voice cracking. 

His cries were ignored as the house fell silent. He only saw darkness, as all he could do was listen to his panicked breath.

@alien-octopus @yesthisiswhump  @lave-whump @whumpasaurus101 @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @hamiltonwhumpdump @just-another-whumper @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @approach-me-and-ill-cry   @whump-it @kixngiggles @as-a-matter-of-whump

ʕっ• ᴥ • ʔっ  Thank you for reading! (and I’m sorry)

[ptergwen]

the last time

warnings: angst and swearing

summary: here

-

“in order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love.”

it feels like your stomach just dropped all the way down the cliff you’re standing on. peter grips your arm, pulling you away from the cloaked man. you know what you have to do.

your dad sent you and peter to vormir to get the soul stone. they’d both been to space once before this, and it didn’t end well. they were lucky to survive. most of the universe didn’t. now you have the chance to fight for the same thing they did. the other avengers needed all the help they could get to pull this off, so here you are.

you’ll hopefully be able to bring everyone back. you just didn’t realize you’d have to die for them to live.

“he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, y/n. don’t listen to him.” peter rubs up and down your arm to calm you down, squinting his eyes at the man. you give him a halfhearted smile. all the words are stuck in your throat. you know he’s right, that one of you has to go. you’re not going to let it be peter.

you turn to face him with the same sad look. he shakes his head a bunch of times before you can say anything. “it’s true, peter. you know how nebula said gamora was here and never came back? he must have had to sacrifice her.” “no. no way. she... she could’ve gone somewhere else after-“

you cup both of peter’s cheeks, willing him to look at you. he puts his hands on top of yours and meets your eyes. nodding, you smooth your thumb across his skin gently.

“peter...” your voice breaks. you wanted to be strong for him, but it’s all hitting you at once. this is the last time you’ll see him. this is the last time you’ll see anyone.

“there’s gotta be another way, right? we’ll figure it out. you’re so smart. i know you can think of something.” he’s in denial. “no, peter. i can’t. i’m not my dad.” you let out a teary laugh, sniffling a bit. peter pulls you into his chest and holds you tightly against him. your arms hug his middle after a few seconds.

this is it. your final goodbye. you’ve been with peter for years, seen each other at your worst moments. nothing compares to what you’re going through right now. it’s never been so hard to let him go.

he presses his lips to your hair, which only makes you cry more. you’re finally able to pull away from his chest and crash your lips into his one last time. hands grasping at your waist, he kisses you back with tears running down his own cheeks. it’s messy and salty and heartbreaking, but it’s you guys. you wipe at the tear stains on peter’s suit and give him one more peck on his cheek.

“i love you the most, y/n. you know that, right? i’m so fucking in love with you,” peter chokes out, pressing his forehead against yours. you take a shaky breath and put your hands on his cheeks again. “i know, pete. i love you so much. so, so much.” you stay like that until both of you silently agree it’s time.

“now that you’ve said your goodbyes,” the red skull chimes in, “which one of you is it going to be?”

“me,” you and peter both say at the same time. huh? he looks at you with wide eyes. you’re just as confused as he is for once. “y/n, what? i thought we both decided it was gonna be me.” “no, that’s what i thought. you’re not doing this.”

the red skull sighs impatiently from behind you.

“please, y/n. i made a promise to your dad that i’d keep you safe out here. i can’t break that.” “i promised myself i wouldn’t let you die.” you give him a stern look. “maybe this is me dealing with some self-sacrificial stark shit right now, but i can’t break that either.”

ignoring everything you just said, peter moves to put his mask back on. you take it out of his hand. “uh, what the hell?” “peter, you‘re gonna do amazing things. you already do now. i can’t imagine what you’ll accomplish in ten years, or even one. you‘re not going yet.” he squeezes his eyes shut. “stop that. you will, too. just give me my mask back, y/n.”

you throw your hands up in disbelief, still holding it. “being rich isn’t amazing, peter! you have more going for you than i do. admit it.” he can’t help but frown at what you’re saying. this shouldn’t be your last memory together.

“baby, what are you talking about? you got to join the team, you make awesome high-tech stuff, you’re a genius. come on.” “here’s your mask.” you shove it into his hand, letting your touch linger for a moment. “i really do love you more than anything.” you suddenly make a run for the edge of the cliff before peter anticipates it.

he moves fast and shoots a web to pull you back, rushing over to you. “oh my god, y/n! what are you thinking?” “i’m thinking you need to get the stone. don’t worry about me.” you get yourself back up, only for peter to push you down again. so, he wants to fight you for this.

you knee his stomach from the ground so he falls over, taking the opportunity to jump for real. peter manages to lean over and shoot a taser web at you before you go too far. that one stings. you yelp and hold your arm where he got you, but you’re not giving up that easy.

“sorry, babe. didn’t mean to hurt you,” peter calls out, getting back on his feet. you walk the short distance over to him. “i’m doing this because i love you, okay? that’s all.” he whispers to you. with a fake smile, you take his hand. peter thinks that means you’re done. then, you use it to flip him onto his back. he groans in pain, not trying to get up this time.

now that he’s out for good, it’s really happening. you’re at peace with what you have to do. you take one final look at peter and start running. you run until you get to the edge of the cliff. peter must’ve realized what’s going on because you hear him calling your name. you forgot how much endurance he has in him.

“y/n, y/n stop!” he yells, already behind you. you stay put. “it shouldn’t be you! listen to me, it’s not too late to change your mind.” you don’t bother turning around to see him. you’ll give in if you do. “remember what i said, pete. all of it.”

with that, your heart beating hard in your ears, you throw yourself off the edge of the cliff. peter uses everything in him to web you to the side, but he can only get one out, so you grab onto a rock. not because you changed your mind. because you owe him a real final goodbye.

“wh- how am i out? i’ll come get you, just- fuck.” peter leans over the edge, looking down at you with watery eyes. you hold up his extra web cartridge and smile sadly. you took it when you were hugging earlier since you had a feeling he’d try to stop you.

“it’s okay, peter. you’ll be okay.” “y/n-“ you let go of the rock and fall fast, hitting the ground while peter cries out. “no!” he grips at the crumbling ground where you first jumped. your lifeless body is staring up at him. he could’ve stopped this. he drops to his knees as a loud sob racks through him, still looking down at you.

“no,” his voice is quiet, small, out of energy and broken. there’s no one here to dry his tears anymore.

-

peter isn’t sure how it happened, but he wakes up underwater. he pulls his head up with a cough. his eyes still feel puffy, so he couldn’t have been out too long. there’s something glowing in his hand. slowly, he opens his shaking hand and immediately recognizes what it is. the soul stone. red skull was right. peter lost who he loves all for a stupid fucking stone.

-

the whole team arrives back at the avengers facility at the same time, like bruce said they would. everyone seems so happy. thor got mjölnir back, scott is buzzing over steve, tony is laughing at one of nat’s jokes. tony. how is peter supposed to tell him what happened? his kid died, and it’s peter’s fault. he bursts into tears again at the thought of it. he’s surprised he even has more left in him.

tony is the first to notice. “parker, what’s wrong? why isn’t y/n with you?” the rest of the team rushes over to him. peter chokes out a sob, everything replaying in his head.

“she- she.” he can hardly breathe let alone speak. tony puts a hand on his shoulder. “kid, you’re scaring me. i can’t fix it unless you tell me what‘s up.” he waves for everyone else to back up so peter has space. bruce and nat share a look. “she’s gone, mr. stark! she’s not here. i re- i really messed up.”

peter throws the stone that he’s been holding at the floor. silently, rocket picks it up.

somehow understanding what he means, tony pulls peter in for a hug. he hurts like hell too, but this kid needs him right now. peter has always had a habit of blaming himself for things he can’t control. tony is pretty sure this is one of those things. he hugs him back as tight as he can.

“i’m so sorry, mr. stark. i’m so sorry.”

-

five years later and peter is numb. another stark left him, and he sort of gave up in life. at 21 years old. without a mentor, he got lost in the superhero world. spider-man went from being an avenger to party entertainment for kids. it’s an easy way to make money. the people loved him before, they’ll love him again. all he does now is book birthday parties and drink the nights away.

the only emotion peter still feels is anger. he hates the world and he hates what he’s done, or hasn’t done. every time he puts on that mask, it reminds him of the night you died. he has to fight the urge to rip it to shreds. if he didn’t need to pay the bills, he would’ve at this point. most of all, he resents himself for letting you down.

you sacrificed yourself for peter to lead a full life, and look what he’s done with it. he’s a drunk loser. that’s not what you wanted for him.

one day, it all changes.

there’s a knock at peter’s door. he grumbles something about paying his rent, expecting it to be his landlord. he opens it to find you instead. thinking he’s had too much to drink, he shuts the door in your face. you‘re a little bit shocked, but you knock again.

“um, peter? that’s you in there, right? pretty sure you’re the only peter parker in queens.” you call from the hallway. “whoever’s trying to fuck with me, just get out of here. i’m not in the mood today.” he flops back down on his couch, taking a sip of his nearly finished beer. you’re already fed up, so you open the door yourself.

“i said-“ he shuts up when you sit down next to him. “are you real? you can’t be... you died years ago.” “peter.” you take his hands. he’s confused, but lets you. it’s weird seeing him, both of you being adults now. you’ll have to get used to it.

“when you brought everyone back, it worked for me too.” he stares at you with his mouth hanging open for a minute. “that’s not possible. we did that a few days after you... you know.” “i know it sounds insane, but i came back on vormir. i had to find a way back to earth, which took a really long time. i’ve been looking for you since then. there’s no perfect way for me to explain all of this, but i promise it’s really me.”

you being here, it’s like peter was in a five year trance and he snapped out of it.

he throws his arms around you, you laughing and threading your fingers through his matted curls. he’s convinced you’ll disappear again if he lets you go, so he holds you even tighter.

“y/n, baby. oh my god. i missed you so much. i’m sorry it’s such a mess here.” you wind your arms around his neck. “you haven’t changed a bit, pete.” “i brought you back, you brought me back.”

[real-fanta-sea]

Prompt for the kiss no. 71

Prompt: "Not to be cringe or anything, but I really like the idea of the kiss 71 (height difference kisses where one person has to bend down, and the other is on their tippy-toes)...where Trevor is his true height. i.e. Ogg's height and Michael has to stand on his tiptoes to snog him."

I'm sorry, anon, but I saved the post as a draft and it just vanished into thin connection. So, I have to answer this way.

This work is more of a spur of the moment thing, but I kinda like the way it turned out, being it just my emotions spilt onto paper. If you'd like, you can read it on AO3 here, or under read more. I hope you'll like it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

tw: kissing, child abuse memories

It's been three weeks already.

An unhealthy greenish glow of flickering light tubes and the icy breath of an industrial refrigerator made him shiver as Michael, gliding on the orbit touching stars in his mind, put yet another box of ready-made microwave hamburgers into his shopping cart. If he were not a regular in this particular shop, he would have got lost. It resembled an anthill with seemingly infinite shelves and aisles, bursting with the merchandise, even though the depressed lights covered everything in the same shade of decay green. The same life outlook was shared with most of the shadows roaming around whose name tags qualified them as proud employees of Flormart.

It's been three weeks, and he still stuck around, hanging on his every word.

Michael pushed his cart further from frozen goods, and the pictures swirling and smearing all around transitioned from photoshopped vegetables to flashy fireworks of chips and other guilty pleasures he planned on indulging in later on. Some people would find the height of the shelves menacing, but to Michael, it was just a memory that pulled him from the orbit back to earth and placed him in the middle of a football pitch. The smell of sweat building up underneath his helmet. The crunch of the crisp lawn under his feet. The spotlight following him whenever he scored. Cheering faceless crowds in time with busty faceless girls' pompoms. But most of all, he felt happy again - needed, cherished, innocent, and with a bright future awaiting his embrace. But then, just as he crossed from the snacks aisle to the alcohol quarter, the football stadium lights flickered and turned bright red. All the faceless girls turned around, their mouths gaping as if someone dislocated their jaws, and the cheering turned into a hellish cry of pain. Where their eyes were supposed to be, he saw a flair, screwing itself deeper into their skull, and a stream of scarlet goo drip down on their immaculate white dresses.

It's been three weeks, and somehow, his puppy-like behaviour didn't irk him yet. Quite the opposite if he were honest with himself - he felt strangely peaceful in his company.

Michael gulped in a desperate attempt to wash down the horror that invited itself under cover of a happy memory. Shaking his head only did so much and dispersed the spectators and cheerleaders alike, in the same way shaking a snowy paperweight would. Michael's chest constricted as he felt unable to breathe in properly, people splatting and exploding upon impact all around him in his mind. Suddenly, he felt a pull under both of his shoulders and found himself flying towards the pitch-black sky, where instead of one moon, two shone down on him. As he flew closer, they shrunk into two amber irises - and Michael immediately knew who pulled him out of the memory. As he crashed into a mass of pink candy cotton clouds, his vision blurred just to clear up when he felt a solid surface under his feet and someones hot hands in his. Somehow, he found himself looking at the tips of abused old pair of sneakers he was wearing, the same pair Michael knew he wore that faithful day at the airstrip. A moment later, a couple of dark blue, equally run-down ones stepped into his field of vision. He slowly let his sight slide up on crumpled jeans, the hem of a military jacket, a pair of dog tags hanging around a slender neck, a sharp jaw, a pair of full dark lips and finally, to the pair of amber eyes, eyes that radiated worry, care and, at the same time, something he could only read as love and utmost devotion.

It's been three weeks since the incident, and anytime he woke up from a nightmare that played in his mind over and over again, he was there to soothe him; he was there waiting for Michael's tears to dampen his naked shoulder. He didn't bitch about it and didn't tell a soul in the morning.

Michael let out a shaky breath. Stopping his feet from casually continuing in their stroll proved harder than he thought, and he leaned on the shopping cart handle, running fingers through his hair. He couldn't decide what mortified him more - the creativity his brain proved to possess when playing out the horrible things he has witnessed in just a few years of his fresh adulthood, or the way it put his acquaintance on some fucking pedestal and presented him as the alpha and omega of his thoughts and desires.

"Hey Michael, are you ok?"

Speaking of the devil... "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just.." Michael breathed in again and turned towards the source of the voice, trying to display a small smile by twitching his tired lips "I need a smoke, that's all."

It's been three weeks, and he got that tingling feeling in his guts already. He could barely tolerate touch or prolonged eye contact without getting goosebumps and that ticklish feeling solidifying and slicing right into his groin. Michael wanted to believe it was just his weird head showing gratitude for saving his ass, but anytime he found himself in the company of that amber-eyed twink, the longing grew worse.

"Hey, how about a bottle of something to wash the cig down?" said the guy and his oversized jeans jacket hanging from his shoulders cringed into weird shapes as he took one of his hands out of his pocket and pointed his thumb towards the shelves. He looked so adorably dishevelled in all jeans, and with his silky hair framing his hopeful face, Michael couldn't have said no to anything he would suggest. Instead of mustering the strength to say no, Michael threw another smile towards his companion and turned his back to him to choose the dream crusher he wanted to numb them with before they went to bed.

To someone who grew up in a functional family, all the labels and bottle shapes would seem the same. To Michael, however, to choose the right brand and size meant the same as selecting the bananas or avocados of the proper ripeness would for them. It was a work of art; he learned so much in the ten years of living with his stepfather. While scrutinizing the shelves, index finger and thumb scrubbing on the sides of his chin absent-mindedly, he remembered how they would come to the similar shop together, he and his mother's second husband, and how he slipped behind the shelves. At the same time, Frank chatted with the clerk, and he stuffed his lunch box with a large flat bottle of Chief's Heritage Fire Water whiskey. He had to carefully close it to avoid disturbing the aluminium foil that served as a guard from the primitive electronic protection device they had to pass through on their way out. Michael would then tuck his stepfather's sleeve, babble some cute nonsense to get candy from the unsuspicious clerk, and after they paid for the two packs of cigarettes and a beer, they would leave. Frank would let him chug on whiskey then, and if he were in an exceptionally good mood, he would let him sleep through the night without beating the shit out of him.

Finally, spotting the whiskey he knew so well on one of the top shelves, Michael attempted to grasp it but only managed to graze his fingertips against the bottom of one of the bottles that rocked gently upon touch but otherwise didn't move an inch. "Fuck", he uttered under his breath, cracked his neck and stretched onto the tips of his toes, steadying himself by holding onto one of the lower shelves. But, again, he could only touch the bottle but not get a good hold of it. He even contemplated climbing the shelves to get it, as if the shame of his disappointing height haven't already painted his cheeks bright red and didn't make him want to leave the shop right away. Just as he braced himself for the climb, eyes fixed on that damn bottle, a gentle touch of someone's hand squeezing his shoulder made him turn around. It was Trevor's hand, and even though Michael still had to look up to meet his eyes, the small sympathetic smile put him in ease in a blink of an eye.

"Chief's, huh? Good choice, Mike!" the praise in his voice made Michael shiver, and he desperately tried to ignore the warmth he was receiving through the palm still steady on his shoulder and which upset his heart into beating twice as fast as ever before. "My old man used to drink this. It tastes like cat piss but knocks you out good for the buck." Trevor's grin felt like a warm touch sunrise after countless years of freezing darkness. Michael couldn't help but soak in the warmth, allowing himself to lose himself in the feeling completely. "Let me get it for you, eh?" he heard Trevor say from somewhere near, and before he could object, most of the light was obstructed by a jeans-clad chest.

It was then when Michael closed his eyes and tried to get hold of the situation. Trevor, the guy he only knew for three weeks, pushing Michael's back onto the shelves as he leaned for the bottle but also pushing his chest almost to Michael's. If it weren't for a couple of inches of hot air and fabric between them, their bodies would brush against each other. Michael could only gulp when he opened his eyes again, and his mind provided him with the maddening picture of Trevor's naked lean chest, peppered with dark brown hair as if puberty marked its way down towards his groin with it. Michael's head was spinning when he looked up to see Trevor still busy fetching the bottle. Michael's racing imagination saw him grabbing the guy's head, crashing lips with his and dissolving into what he thought would be the best kiss he would ever receive. Michael gulped again. He had to have him.

He was anxious about the way it was too easy to raise both his hands and grab fists full of other man's jacket as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Michael didn't fight it when he felt his muscles pull on the fabric and only turned his gaze up to where he expected Trevor's eyes to look once he would feel the movement of his clothes. Michael didn't have to wait for it at all, actually; the puzzled expression was already waiting for him to drink it up. However, he couldn't maintain the contact for too long as his eyes focused on something completely different; the dark lips, deliciously parted in the unspoken question. The distance between his own and them unnerved him, and in the sparking silence, Michael again propped himself onto the tips of his toes, pressed harder on the fabric to steady himself and, closing eyes, pressed his lips to Trevor's.

For a delicious moment, the world fell apart as if some invisible force made the dimensions crash down. The trembling soft firmness against his lips sent shivers down his spine with each cautious move. Whenever Michael recalled the moment years later, he could always sense the faint smell of cigarettes, petrol and sun mixing between their bodies and the way the ground shook and cried under his feet when he felt Trevor's palms slide down his sides and pull him closer, effectively sweeping him off his feet.

Trevor seemed to be relishing at the moment as much as Michael was, but when he felt solid ground under his feet again, and the pair of arms letting go of him, Michael reluctantly broke the kiss with a coquettish wet pop and tried to catch his lost breath. Then, leaning against the shelves again, he only dared to peek up when his cheeks stopped burning from what felt like a mixture of acid and a marathon run. Trevor's face might as well have been a mirror, for he looked down on Michael with eyes wide, face red and lips wet and trembling as if he didn't get a grasp of reality yet. Michael couldn't help but let the anxiety scream right to his face in the voice of his stepfather - and there were thousands of things he might have ruined then and there, just because he didn't fight his stupid queer side, because he let himself kiss another man, because by the twisted chain of mistakes he fell from what could have been a good life to longing after a rabid smuggler in the middle of a liquor aisle.

Just as he was about to duck under Trevor's arm and run away from the voice and feelings of shame it brought about, he was stopped by a gentle, almost shy touch of a hot palm on his cheek. The slender fingers brushed against his face in such a delicate way Michael's heart skipped a beat, and closing his eyes, he leaned into the touch, seeking the soothing silence it brought with the warmth. The hand fit his cheek like a glove, Michael mused as he relaxed into slow movements of fingertips on his temples. Right there, at that moment, everything felt so right, so natural. Why has he deprived himself of the delicious heat for three weeks when somewhere deep inside, where the beating of his heart always gave away the truth, he knew he needed it from the start - well, Michael didn't know. Instead, he slid his arms around Trevor's waist and buried his face into his chest.

"Michael?"

The vibrating echo of his name, spoken in such a husky yet caring way, made Michael squeeze his arms around Trevor even tighter. He sought the last bits and pieces of it before he dared to speak up himself, afraid of spoiling the delicious contentment of the moment.

"Let's get out of here."

A gentle kiss on top of his head and long arms lacing his shoulders later, Michael found himself too far from Trevor for comfort. But even with the newly gained distance between them, a quick glance sideways has provided him with a sight of a beaming smile and a fire deep inside Trevor's eyes that made his own lips twitch into a happy upwards bow. As they rolled into the checkout, Michael has noticed the world has changed as well. The depressing shade of green has somehow transitioned into a welcoming warm white; the shadows that they passed by on their way in suddenly bloomed into happy faces. The various packings of goods exploded in all the colours of the rainbow. As Michael and Trevor emerged into the darkness of the parking lot, ready to relive their revelation in thousands of ways, Michael has felt at peace with himself for the first time in forever. The days of the inner night were over.

[purrincess-chat]

Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s Spite Playlist: Remix CH18

I commented recently after GoS aired that canon Alya was on her way up, but MDCSPR Alya was on her way down. Consider this the beginning of the end for her for a while. 

Previous     First      Next     AO3

----------------------------

Chapter 18: You Are In Love

“Good evening, m’lady! You’re looking radiant as ever tonight,” Chat Noir called. His boots clanked against the roof, and he tucked his staff into his belt as he approached the love of his life.

Ladybug stood on the edge, the lights from the city reflecting in her dark hair. Her eyes sparkled when she turned to him, and his heart fluttered. There was no contest—Ladybug was the most beautiful girl in the world, and his heart would always belong to her. She flicked his bell with the playful smile that made him melt.

“When are you going to stop calling me that?” she asked.

“Only when you fall in love with me.” He grinned. “Or if you kiss me.”

She looked up at him through long, fluttery lashes. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

His heart took off into a sprint as Ladybug wrapped her arms around his neck and stretched up on her toes. He leaned down and touched his lips to hers, savoring those few moments of bliss while they lasted. Nothing else mattered—just his lips on hers. The girl of his dreams was kissing him, and he wanted to stay locked in her embrace forever.

“Adrien,” she sighed his name when they pulled away, lingering close.

Her bright blue eyes found his, soft fingertips trailing down his arms. A light breeze blew through the garden, and Marinette smiled up at him.

“Are you going to kiss me again?” she asked.

He answered by leaning in, arms wrapping tightly around her waist. Her lips were soft and warm, and they kissed him back eagerly. Their hearts beat in time together, passionately entwined. There was no one to interrupt them here. The invisible force that drew him to Marinette bound him tightly, and he wasn’t letting go. He didn’t want to.

Marinette was beautiful and kind, and Adrien wanted to stay in the garden with her forever. His Marinette. The girl he’d always protect, no matter how far he fell to do it. He’d never thought about it before, but holding her this close felt right. She felt right. Marinette had seared her name onto his heart the day they met, binding them together forever. They were always meant to be.

“I love you,” he murmured against her lips, “Marinette.”

A clap of thunder boomed, and Adrien shot upright in bed, heart pounding. What once was a small flame now blazed wildly, burning his chest, his cheeks, his head. Marinette. Marinette was…

People don’t sneak off into the garden to kiss their friends, Adrikins.

Adrien touched his lips, still tingling from his dream. It felt so real. He’d kissed Marinette, not Ladybug. It was never Ladybug. From the moment their lips touched, it was always Marinette. The pounding of his heart, the fire burning through his chest, was all from Marinette.

Kicking off the blankets, he stumbled into his bathroom and flicked on the faucet. His cheeks were bright red and hot to the touch. Everything was too hot. He splashed cold water on his face, but the flames were too big to extinguish now. His heart refused to slow the cadence ravaging his veins.

I love you.

Sparks shot up his arms, numbing his fingers. He said it to Marinette. It had all felt so right in his dream. Now his heart had been stirred so violently in the waking world that not even he could control it. He could still feel the pressure of her lips on his, the warmth of her breath on his tongue. It had all felt real…

Outside the storm raged, the downpour beating against the windows too loud for him to make sense of his racing thoughts. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to drown out the noise, but it was no use. His heart and his mind were at war, and Adrien was caught in the crossfire.

Has another lady finally stolen your heart?

He didn’t call her m’lady. When he saw Ladybug that evening, he didn’t call her cute names or tell her she was beautiful. His heart didn’t burn when she called him kitty. Not like it did now. His head was spinning.

He gripped the countertop until his knuckles turned white. The eyes staring back at him in the mirror buzzed with the electricity spreading across every inch of his skin. Lightning flashed, and the sparks vanished. His racing thoughts skidded to a halt, and the air in the room hung still and quiet. Adrien held his breath.

In the silence, his heartbeat echoed in his ears in a deafening chorus, and when the thunder finally came, all of the tension came crashing down, threatening to crush Adrien under the weight. His head had gone quiet, but his heart was loud, beating to a new rhythm. No, not new. It was old and familiar, a song that had been playing the whole time, too quietly for him to notice. Marinette’s rhythm.

He and Marinette hadn’t kissed in the garden, but Adrien wished they did. If Chloe hadn’t interrupted, then he wouldn’t have stopped. He would have kissed her again and again and again. Marinette. His first friend. The girl he’d go to hell for. The girl he couldn’t stop chasing, and now he knew why. She’d stolen his heart and run away, and this time he was going to steal hers back.

♪♫♪ willow ♪♫♪

Marinette skipped down the stairs to the bakery the next morning, lips pursed. News about Gabrielle had spread rapidly, and everyone at school knew now. Macy and Eliott texted Marinette the moment she got home from the party. Gabrielle told her not to worry, that Marinette shouldn’t care about her, and she was right. It wasn’t like they were friends, and after everything Gabrielle had done, Marinette should be happy like everyone else. But she wasn’t.

Maybe she was stupid. Or maybe she just couldn’t help herself. Tikki was right after all—Marinette couldn’t stop helping people.

“Good morning, sweetie,” her mom greeted.

“Morning.” Marinette stooped to kiss her cheek.

“Did you have fun at the movies last night with your new friends?” her dad asked.

“Yeah,” she said unconvincingly, biting her lip.

“Well, it takes time to adjust to a new school, and we’re happy you’ve already made some new friends. They’re welcome here anytime, okay?” Her mom lifted her chin, and Marinette offered her a smile.

“Thanks, Maman. I’ll see you tonight.” Marinette waved over her shoulder.

The sky was still gray from the late-night storm, casting a dreary haze over the city—a true testament to her mood. Droplets dripped from the overhang onto her blazer, and she brushed them off with a sigh.

Everything would be fine. If she tried hard enough, she could introduce Gabrielle to her group, convince her to be nicer to everyone, and they could all be friends. She’d helped Martin, Eliott, and Macy a lot since she met them. She could do the same for Gabrielle.

“Ya know.” She jumped at a familiar voice. “I think I’m starting to like the uniform.” Adrien leaned through the open window of his silver car, dreamy as ever.

“That makes one of us.” A smile curled on her lips.

“Oh, come on. It’s not that bad.” She gave him a look. “Okay, it’s pretty bad, but if it makes you feel better, I think you look cute in anything.”

She faltered, cheeks burning hotter than the bakery oven. Adrien thought she was cute! He’d almost kissed her. Twice. And now he was calling her cute! Dreams really did come true.

“I- well, it’s not- I mean, I’m not nearly as cute as you,” she stammered.

Nailed it.

“True, I am the cutest teen in Paris. At least, that’s what all the tabloids say.” He flashed her his best model smolder. “But if you look as cute as you did last night all the time, you might just give me a run for my money.”

He noticed! Chloe sat between them on the ride home and refused to let him walk her in, so Marinette worried that he didn’t get to see how cute she looked. Lisette needed to teach her how to work that kind of magic all the time.

“Well, after Chloe hosed us down, I had a little help getting cleaned up,” she said.

Adrien’s bodyguard cleared his throat from the driver’s seat, and Adrien flashed her an apologetic wince.

“Guess it’s time to go. I’ve got a full schedule this week, so I wanted to see you at least a little bit,” he said. “Let’s hang out when I’m free again.”

“Yeah, of course,” she said, and Adrien smiled.

“See you later, Marinette.”

“Yeah, see you.”

♪♫♪ Ain’t It Fun ♪♫♪

Things were as bad as Marinette expected at school. Everyone was elated about Gabrielle, and Marinette’s friends were no exception.

“I can’t believe she’s really broke. What did her face look like when everyone at the party found out?” Macy chattered before class.

“Yeah, how did you get invited to Lisette’s party, Marinette?” Eliott asked.

Marinette squirmed in her seat. “I-” She flicked her gaze over to Gabrielle, sitting in the back of the room. “I went with some old friends.”

“Oh! Chloe, right? I heard she helped Ladybug and Chat Noir defeat an akuma as Queen Bee again. It must be so awesome being friends with a superhero!” Macy said, and Marinette didn’t have the energy to correct her. “But more importantly, word on the street is you and Adrien came in soaking wet from the garden. Wanna explain yourself?”

Marinette’s heart skipped. She’d been hoping the Gabrielle news would be enough to distract people from that detail. Remembering the warmth of his breath so close to her lips sent her mind into a tizzy. Then there was this morning…

“We went for a walk in the garden, and the sprinklers turned on,” Marinette said as if it were no big deal, even though it was probably the biggest deal of her life.

“Then why is your face so red, hmm?” Eliott smirked.

“I- we- nothing happened!” Marinette insisted, but when her friends seem unconvinced, she diverted their attention. “Want to hear something horrific that happened? After I got cleaned up from the sprinkler-incident, I ran into Thomas, and he kind of hit on me.”

“Ugh!”

“Gross!” Macy and Eliott both recoiled.

“He is such a scuzzbag. Please tell me you told him off.” Macy groaned.

“Well, I started to, but then Gabrielle interrupted, and they started arguing, then Thomas told everyone Gabrielle’s secret, and yeah,” Marinette said.

“Serves her right. If Thomas wasn’t just as awful, I’d commend him for taking interest in you. You’re definitely a step up from Gabrielle,” Eliott said.

“I dunno… Don’t you guys feel at least a little bad for her?” Marinette winced, and Eliott and Macy looked at her like she’d grown a second head.

“Absolutely not. It’s going to be a lot quieter around here without her bossing everyone around,” Macy said.

“Yeah, she got what was coming to her.” Eliott agreed.

“Well, she was terrible and mean, but maybe if we showed her a little kindness, she could change,” Marinette said. When Macy and Eliott stared at her again, she faced forward with a sigh. “Never mind.”

“Look, Marinette, we love you, and it’s super sweet that you want to help everyone. Seriously, you’re an angel, but Gabrielle is a demon. She’s run this school ever since she set foot in it, and now her kingdom has crumbled. Those of us who have been enslaved by her tyranny are enjoying our newfound freedom,” Eliott said. “I mean, if that mean girl who stole all of your friends from your old school got exposed tomorrow, wouldn’t you be happy?”

He had a point. If it were Lila, Marinette would be over the moon. She couldn’t blame them for celebrating, and even though Gabrielle tormented everyone for the past three years, Marinette couldn’t help feeling like she wasn’t all bad.

If she had learned anything since leaving her old school, it was that people could change. People she thought were trustworthy could become strangers overnight, and people she never thought possible could become her most trusted allies. But maybe they were right. Maybe Gabrielle was a lost cause, and Marinette should just let her go. Things would be easier that way.

“Yeah, I guess…” Marinette mumbled as Mr. Mercier called for everyone to find their seats.

Marinette didn’t bring Gabrielle up again for the rest of the day. Her friends weren’t going to forgive her any time soon, and truthfully, she shouldn’t have expected them to. Gabrielle Burton was their Chloe Bourgeois wrapped in Lila Rossi. The reigning queen of their nightmares was now reduced to a powerless shell of her former glory, and peace had been restored to the kingdom at last. If someone told Ladybug on her first day that she would willingly give Chloe Bourgeois a Miraculous to fight beside her, she would have thought they were crazy. Healing would take time, but just because they weren’t ready to forgive, didn’t mean Marinette couldn’t help on her own.

Gabrielle was by her locker at the end of the day, having waited until everyone left to change into her work apron. She bristled when Marinette approached.

“What do you want?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Marinette said. “Everyone else was so mean to you, and I just thought after everything that you could use a friend.”

“Of course they were mean. In case you’ve forgotten, I haven’t exactly been nice to them in the past either.” Gabrielle rolled her eyes. “I told you, I’ll be fine. Don’t risk your reputation for me.”

“You did.” Marinette nodded. “But there’s no one around now.”

Gabrielle eyed her, perplexed. “Why do you care so much?”

It was a question Marinette had been asking herself all day, and looking at Gabrielle now, she finally knew the answer.

“When I left my old school, I was afraid I’d lost all of my friends, and I felt so empty inside,” she said. “But then I met my new friends, and I knew that everything would be okay. They helped me find my footing when I felt like my world was crumbling, so I want to be that for you.”

“You’re stubborn, Marinette. I’ll give you that.” Gabrielle leaned against her locker with a smile. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Do you want to take the subway together?” Marinette offered.

“Fine.” Gabrielle shut her locker, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

She averted her gaze as they walked, cheeks pink, but a small smile tugged the corners of her lips. Gabrielle may have a complicated past, but maybe with the right influence, she could learn to be nice after all. Sometimes all a person needed was the right friend and to know that they weren’t alone.

♪♫♪ crushcrushcrush ♪♫♪

Alya descended the stairs to the courtyard slowly, her stomach churning in knots. When Malin showed up, Alya thought Ladybug picked new allies for all of the Miraculouses. After all, she and Nino knew each other’s identities, and everyone knew Chloe’s identity. So why did Queen Bee get to fight by Ladybug’s side again? What had Alya done to deserve being replaced that Chloe hadn’t? None of it made any sense.

Lila and Ladybug had never met before, and truthfully, I don’t think they really even like each other.

Was it all because of Lila? If Adrien and Marinette’s stories were true, then Ladybug would know if she was a liar. Had Alya ruined her chances of wearing a Miraculous by aligning herself with Lila? It was the only thing that made sense, but Alya couldn’t bring herself to believe it. She needed answers.

Alya vaguely remembered Adrien’s fencing schedule from helping Marinette with her hopeless confession schemes. She almost missed those days. Things were a lot simpler back then. If she remembered correctly, Adrien should have been finishing his private lessons, which would put him in the locker room.

Alya hurried to the double doors across the courtyard. At first she thought she’d missed him, but voices mumbled several rows down. Alya crept in quietly to get a better listen.

“Are you sure these questions will get her to spill the tea?” Chloe.

“Yeah, all we have to do is get her to agree to it,” Adrien said.

What were they up to? Sure, everyone knew that Chloe and Adrien were friends since childhood, but on most days ‘friends’ was a generous exaggeration. As far as Alya knew, Adrien could hardly stand Chloe, so why were they talking now? Ducking behind the next row up from theirs, Alya held her breath and listened.

“Lila isn’t going to know what hit her after our interview with Ladybug goes live. She is so done for,” Chloe said darkly.

“I’m not doing this to ruin Lila’s reputation-”

“I know, I know.” Chloe groaned. “I can’t believe you’re going through all this effort to trick a superhero into exposing Lila for Little Miss Nobody.”

What?

“Her name is Marinette, and I know you miss her too, Chloe,” Adrien said.

“Ugh, don’t tell me you’ve actually got feelings for her—I might barf. It’s bad enough I had to chase you two out of the garden last night,” Chloe groaned. “Let’s just get rid of Lila, then you can go play the hero for Dupain-Cheng, and I can get back to being the reigning queen at this school.”

“We’ll try to signal Ladybug tomorrow afternoon. After that, no one will ever trust Lila again,” Adrien said.

“You and I make such a good team, Adrikins. We should ruin lives together more often,” Chloe said.

“I don’t plan to make a habit of it.”

The locker door slammed, and Alya scrambled to the end of the row, diving behind a cart of basketballs. Her heart hammered, blood pounding in her ears. She waited until the courtyard doors shut and the room fell quiet to move.

Chloe and Adrien were working together to get back at Lila for Marinette! She’d been right not to trust him. All this time she thought Adrien was a good guy, but she should have known better. No nice person could be friends with Chloe Bourgeois for so long. Ugh, that girl made Alya so sick! How could anyone be that cruel? And Ladybug actually trusted her over Rena Rouge? After everything Alya had done to prove herself. Chloe was the most selfish, bratty, conniving person Alya had ever met! Why did Ladybug ever trust her? Unless…

Unless she didn’t.

What if Chloe was manipulating Ladybug too? She said they were going to trick her into exposing Lila, so what if she tricked her into giving her back her Miraculous? Chloe was very good at getting what she wanted, and it wasn’t beneath her to ruin someone’s life just for stealing attention away from her. But why would Adrien and Marinette help her?

Alya’s head was spinning. What was the truth? Was all of this a long con set up by Marinette, and Adrien and Chloe were just the pawns? Why would she do that? None of it made sense. Why did they all hate Lila so much?

One thing was for sure: she needed to warn Ladybug about that interview. If Chloe was manipulating her, then Alya needed to put a stop to it. Maybe then she could prove to Ladybug that she was still worthy of being a hero. But she needed to hurry.

Her fingers dialed quickly, and Lila answered on the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I just overheard Adrien and Chloe talking. We don’t have a lot of time. We need to call Ladybug. Now.”

[harryspet]

our soulmate | b.barnes & s.rogers

[Warnings] steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes, soulmates au, poly, threesome, sex toys,  vaginal/oral sex, fingering, pregnancy, light bondage, angst, love triangle

A/N:This was inspired by an idea I got in an ask! I really wanted to write a poly story and the setting of the diner is what started this all. This isn’t really a dark fic like I usually write but hopefully, you all still enjoy it because there’s lots of smut. 

In which Steve and Bucky both find their soulmate at a local diner. 

word count: 3.3k

You had two regulars. 

Steve came when you worked the morning shift. You seemed to always be refilling his coffee mug and he’d give you the same warm smile every time that you did. He worked on his computer for that hour and every time you asked him about his work he would tell you it was “top secret”. 

He tipped very well and there were often times you did not want to accept the excessive amount. Steve insisted. You had told him how you were putting yourself through school. You had big dreams for yourself and the diner was supposed to be temporary. 

Supposed to be.

You’d been feeling stuck for the past few months and by the night time shift rolled around, you were counting the seconds until you could go home. 

Bucky noticed your mood as you were to close up by yourself on most nights. He’d order himself pie and then insist you take a break and eat it with him. You didn’t care much for sweets until your midnight desserts with Bucky. 

You had no idea your worlds would collide that one night. 

The thought of you had been on Steve’s mind all night. Every time he closed his eyes he saw you. There was no running from it now because he was sure his head might explode if he didn’t claim his mate right then. 

In the middle of the night, he drove to that diner but he found you sitting beside his old friend, enjoying a piece of cake. You had just laughed at something Bucky said but your eyes widened as you saw Steve break through the locked door of the diner. 

You stood up from the booth, “Steve, what’s going on?”

Steve’s eyes found you and relief spread through his body for a moment. Only a moment. He looked behind you to now see Bucky standing, “Buck?”

They knew each other?

You mentally cursed. How hadn’t you put the dots together? Bucky was the … Winter Soldier. 

“Steve? What are you doing here?” The words were taken right out of your mouth. It seemed neither of them expected to see each other. 

“For Y/N,” Steve started with little hesitation. His eyes narrowed at you and something in your heart twitched, “You’re supposed to be all the way across the country. Why are you here?”

You looked to Bucky as he spoke and you could tell something had shifted within him. As if he realized there was a storm coming, “I finished my mission a few weeks ago … now it seems I’m here for the same reason as you.”

“Wait, you’re both here for me?” 

Were you in Twilight right now?

Steve took a step toward you, his eyes locked on Bucky’s, “I hate to disappoint you Buck, but Y/N is my mate,” Your heart stopped as the diner went dead silent. You looked at Steve with wide eyes, blinking. 

This couldn’t be true. You didn’t feel a bond … 

“Steve-”

“No, she’s my mate,” Bucky said, practically growling. They both took a confrontational step toward you but you raised a hand toward both of them. 

You looked back and forth between them, “I don’t know what the hell is going on but … I-I can’t do whatever this is,” You could feel them tensing up, “I can’t have two soulmates. That’s impossible.”

“Apparently not,” Steve sighed, rubbing his temple.

“You could choose,” Bucky said quickly and you looked at him solemnly. 

“Bucky,” Steve warned, “You can’t say that.”

“Fine, choose or don’t choose. I’ll respect whatever decision you make.”

“We’ll respect whatever decision,” Steve emphasized. 

Your mind was racing, “I need some air,” You were about to walk past Steve but his hands graze against yours. The electricity shot so fast up your arm that you thought it might go numb. You flinched away from his hand. 

He wasn’t lying. 

You looked back at Bucky who was thinking you were a second away from rejecting him. You walked over to him and he held out his non-metal arm. You grabbed his hand and felt those sparks. Like fire but warm and comforting. 

Fate was truly a cruel mistress. 

+

“Meeting today?”

Steve nodded, sipping at the coffee you’d just made for him. So many things have changed in the last month. You used to serve him his coffee at the diner but now you were sharing his kitchen. It was the day of the week where he was pretending to be completely happy and in the moment. 

He gave you that warm smile but you could tell he was hurting. You walked around the counter to place a kiss on his cheek. He immediately pulled you into his lap so he could feel you for longer. 

You pecked his lips, giggling as his beard tickled your skin. 

You didn’t know you could love someone so fast. But with Steve everything felt natural and right. He spoke your love language and he was understanding. So understanding. After all, he gave up so much just so he could have you. 

“A quick one?”

He set his coffee down on the kitchen table and you knew exactly what that meant. You kissed Steve again, this time it was messy and passionate. You maneuvered on the chair so that you were straddling his lap. He held your neck, his finger sliding into your hair, using it to hold you in place as he began to attack your neck with kisses. 

You bit down on your lip to muffle the small whimpers threatening to leave your lips. 

You were grinding against his lap and you could feel his growing member against your skin.  

“Undo my belt,” He commanded you, letting go of your hair, and you were practically dripping at that point. 

You reached down to undo his belt. You made sure to let one of the straps of your nightgown fall down, exposing one of your breasts. You moved slow, fumbling with the materials of the belt before it was open, “Take out my cock,” You mentally cursed. 

You loved when he was demanding.

You started to undo the zipper on his slacks and his member was so hard that it was begging to get free. You hadn’t even touched him and he was already so read for you. You were gentle as you reached in to grab a hold of his member. 

“Can I … please?” You begged and Steve nodded. You slid your panties to the side, positioning yourself to be impaled by him. 

You were grinning and Steve had a wicked look on his face as you slowly slid onto him. He grabbed your waist as you moved up and down slowly, adjusting to him, “Fuck,” You accidentally let the curse word slip and you felt a slap on your bottom. 

Steve held your waist tight, starting to force you up and down faster, “Like that. Just like that, baby girl.”

“Yes, yes,” You moaned, bouncing up and down, “Steve … ah, I love it when you’re inside me.”

And that was how you started your morning. When you finally shuddered and tightly squeezed him, milking out his orgasm, you realized you’d both be late today. You kissed Steve some more as you got out of his lap. 

He hurriedly began to buckle his belt, “Did you pack?” Steve asked and you nodded. 

You looked at the clock above the stovetop. You only had five minutes. 

You kissed Steve again before hurrying up the stairs. You changed into some yoga pants and a comfortable t-shirt before grabbing the duffle bag that you had packed the night before. 

The doorbell had already rung when you were hurrying back down the stairs and you heard Steve answer the door. 

“You know, she never gets any work done when she’s with you,” Steve said to Bucky, his arms crossed as he stood in the doorway.

“I think you know why that is, Steve,” Bucky winked, only to get a rise out of Steve. Steve didn’t bite. 

“I’m being serious. The classes she’s taking are important. You shouldn’t be going on random adventures every single night-”

“Steve,” You approached the door, your heart giddy at finally getting to see Bucky, “It’s okay, I’m a big girl. I’ll get my work done.”

You opened your arms to him and you embraced for the last time for the next week. Steve kissed your forehead, “See you next week, kid. I love you,” He pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

You kissed his cheek, “I love you too.”

Bucky awkwardly cleared his throat. Steve stepped aside and you ran to Bucky. He embraced you tightly, his face in the crook of your neck just taking in your scent. After a long hug, Bucky grabbed your bag, “Let’s get going, Honey has been whining ever since you left.”

You pouted, wishing you could’ve taken her back to Steve’s. You waved goodbye to Steve before walking to Bucky’s car. 

You made it about two miles before Bucky had to pull over so you could make out without crashing. 

+

Bucky was a little more … sadistic than Steve. You had both already come once but he pressed the vibrator against your sensitive bulb, unrelenting. You were handcuffed to the bed frame with absolutely no ability to run. 

They dug into your skin so the more you struggled, the more they hurt, “Please, please,” You begged, “Please, Bucky!”

He muffled you with his lips, still keeping the vibe between your legs. You moaned against his lips as your third orgasm ripped through you. Your head tilted back, screaming in ecstasy, as Bucky watched closely. 

He finally let up as you begged him to stop. Bucky kissed you again, his cold hand moving over your body. 

“Had enough?” Bucky asked and you nodded quickly. 

“Can you let me out?” You asked, shaking the metal against the bed frame, “Please?”

Bucky smirked, “I think my phone is ringing in the other room. Hold on.”

Your eyes widened as he got out of bed and headed to the door.

“James!”

His laughter roared through the apartment. 

+

You felt sick the next morning so you stayed in bed with Bucky. Honey, Bucky’s two-year-old bulldog, was cuddled up between you guys as you watched something on TV. 

You felt a little embarrassed being sick like this in front of him. Bucky rubbed your back as you laid your head in his lap. You’d never felt this kind of nausea, it frightened you, and you tried to hide it. 

“Y/N, you’re incredibly tense,” Bucky noticed. 

“I just don’t feel well,” You spoke, not meeting his eyes. 

“Hey, look at me,” Your lips pressed into a thin line as you sat up. 

As soon as your eyes met, you felt it. You covered your mouth as you felt the bile rushing up your throat.

In a second you were out of the bed and running to the restroom with Bucky hot on your trail. He held your hair back as you bent over the toilet and puked out your guts. Again, he was behind you, rubbing your back in a soothing manner. You could sense his worry and also his confusion. 

You didn’t think you had any bad food recently. It all just seemed so random.

Like a sixth sense had suddenly kicked in, Bucky knew what was happening, “Y/N, when was your last period?”

You flushed the toilet, trying to collect yourself. You shook your head in disbelief before leaving the toilet room and to go to the sink. Bucky followed after you as expected. 

“Y/N?”

You stared at yourself in the mirror as you grabbed your toothbrush, “A few weeks ago, I don’t really remember.” You began brushing your teeth, just wanting the conversation to be over. 

“I’m not trying to rush you-

You spit into the sink, “I’m just sick.” You stated, finishing your routine. 

“Maybe to be sure we should go buy a test?”

You set down your toothbrush and braced your hands against the counter, “You don’t understand. I can’t get pregnant. That’ll just complicate everything!” You thought you might hyperventilate and that wasn’t making your nausea any better. 

“It won’t, if it’s true then we’ll all figure something out,” Bucky came behind you, embracing you in a tight hug. You let your head rest against his chest. 

“There’s always so much back and forth. You and Steven barely talk and when you do, you argue. If there’s a baby then … I don’t think this dynamic would work. It barely works for me. A baby’s mother shouldn’t be torn between two homes.”

Bucky thought for a long while and you were worried he might say something you didn't expect. And he did, but it surprised you in a good way, “We’ll all do it together, then. No back and forths. We settle down altogether-”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Bucky-” He only held you tighter. 

“You love us both and we love you, why wouldn’t it work?”

“What if the baby isn’t biologically yours?” You saw him grin in the mirror. 

“If Steve gets the first one then I call the next two,” You laughed at that, “Either way, we’ll all be a family.”

+

You told Bucky it wouldn’t be fair to take the test without Steve and each day, as you continued to miss your period, you knew Bucky’s suspicions could be true. A week later and a few more days of nausea, you were back home with Steve but Bucky hadn’t left this time. It was awkward at first, the initial greetings, but there was a lot less blood and fighting then you expected. 

Steve even brought up an old memory you had no clue about and got Bucky to smile when he thought about it. Bucky rarely did that. 

You finally came out of the downstairs bathroom, test in hand, and the two men immediately perked up from where they sat on the couch. They waited, the tension between all three of you even higher than when you first met.

You only nodded as you looked at them both, tears stinging your eyes. 

Their eyes went wide at the same time.”This is amazing, Y/N,”  Steve wrapped his arms around you first and then you hugged Bucky, “We’re going to have a little Steve.”

“Or a little Bucky.”

You could imagine the kind of terror a little Bucky would cause. 

“Thank you guys,” You said, grabbing one of both of their hands. 

“For knocking you up?” You nudge Bucky playfully. 

You looked back from both of them and, as a thought crossed your mind, you bit down on your lip. You felt your cheeks heating up as you looked down, “I know what you’re thinking,” Bucky squeezed your hand, “Go ahead, you can kiss him first.”

You stared at Bucky with wide eyes before turning to Steve, “No, kiss him first. I insist.”

“No, I insist.”

They were just teasing you at this point so you rolled your eyes, turned a bit to Steve and he leaned down to kiss you. You expected a peck but Steve’s kiss was hungry as much as it was soft. As you finally pulled away to breathe, you saw a sinister look on Steve’s face, a look in his eyes you’d never seen. 

“How about we see if you remember what I taught you all those years ago, Steve?” You gave Bucky a confused look but, you didn’t have time to react as he roughly pulled you into him. 

“Bucky-” You gasped as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you and threw you over his shoulder. 

“You’d be surprised to see how much I know, Buck.”

Bucky slapped your ass before he began moving towards the stairs, “Bucky! Put me down!”

You lifted your head to see Steve following, “Steve?”

“We’re going to be a big, happy family, right? Might as well get comfortable with each other,” You scowled, realizing the monster you had created. You could deal with them separately but, both of their tormentings, you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle it. 

You at least expected Steve to be the rational one and he was failing at that too. 

Bucky carried you up the stairs with ease and you knew exactly where he was heading. You stopped struggling, knowing your fate was inevitable. All of you entered the master bedroom and Bucky let you fall onto the bed with a thump.

You landed with a bounce and you scowled at them as you blew a piece of hair that fell into your face, “Rethinking your idea, sweetheart?” Steve teased you and you were about to say something snarky back when he grabbed you by your ankle. 

He pulled you towards the edge of the bed, grabbing the waistband of your leggings before you could even react. Both of their eyes were hungry and you started to feel heat between your legs. Something in your eyes changed then. 

You wanted them. Both of them. 

As your leggings fell to the ground, you sat up on your knees, before pointedly looking beside you at Bucky, “You, take your pants off,” You saw the smirk on Bucky’s face as you turned your head back to Steve in front of you, “And you, kiss me.”

Steve held your face in his hands as he kissed you hard. Your hands held his biceps and then moved down to the hem of his shirt. You needed all your clothes to be gone and soon. Steve got the hint and soon he was lowering his hands to lift up his shirt. You did the same and you cursed the moment that you had to pull away from him. 

You felt the bed dip beside you as Bucky positioned himself behind you, your back pressed against his front as you went back to kissing Steve. Bucky held your waist, his metal hand holding you in place and his other trailing between the fabric of your panties and your skin. 

“Won’t be needing these,” You heard Bucky say as they easily ripped off. 

His hand sunk between your legs as he felt the wetness between your folds. Bucky couldn’t help but think that they should’ve done this months ago. 

You were undoing Steve’s belt now and grinding against Bucky’s fingers as Steve’s hard cock finally sprung free. You were ready to devour it and as you opened your mouth, Bucky suddenly pulled you back further onto the bed. Two of his fingers sunk into you and you gasped, “Keep going, doll,” You looked back at Bucky who only smacked your bottom, “We both know what you can do with that mouth of yours.”

You grabbed a hold of the base of his cock, swirling your tongue around his tip, “Magic,” Steve breathed out, brushing your hair out of your face. You knew he loved it when he could fully see your face, “That’s what she can do.”

Bucky’s fingers moved in and out of you so fast you were sure you might climax already. You moaned onto Steve’s member as you finally took it into your mouth.

Steve held your face, starting to force you down deeper, and you gagged. As you did, Bucky’s fingers seemed to move even faster. It wasn’t long before you were tightening around his fingers, “Cumming on my fingers with a cock in your mouth?” You could practically hear Bucky’s smirk.

“What a naughty little girl we have,” Steve grunted out, shoving his cock in and out of your mouth. 

You felt Bucky at your entrance and you got no time to recover before he was sheathing himself inside of you. 

As you adjusted to him, Bucky began to pound into you from behind as Steve took you from the front. You were overwhelmed in the best way possible. They knew your body and how to treat it in every single way. 

Steve was so deep in your mouth when he finally finished that you were forced to swallow, “Good girl,” Steve praised you as he pulled from your mouth, Bucky grabbed one of your arms so he could pull you back further onto his cock. His warmth filled you as Steve placed soft kisses along your neck. 

“That’s our good girl.”

+

Check out my masterlist for more of my works!

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪꜱ ɢᴏɴᴇ | ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ | ᴏɴᴇ-ꜱʜᴏᴛ

After thinking about it and reading Admin T’s angsty fic, I too, have decided to post my own angsty fic, and why not a Levi one? SKSKSK He’s the one that comes to me the easiest when it comes to writing anything, so I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did with writing it~! 

Please note there will be canon divergence (mainly as I haven’t caught up in the manga or anime in a hot second) 

And yes, I listened to Love is Gone by Slander & Dylan Matthew to get in the mood LOLOL

PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK 

TW: Major Character Death ; Depressive episodes ; PTSD ; Mental Instability ; Body Mutilation

» » Admin Ko

“Levi! LEVI! GET OUT OF HERE! PLEASE! GET AWAY---”

A sharp inhale and the bright white light of the morning sun was all that welcomed the ex-corporal as he sat rigidly in his bed.  Slowly, frantic metallic blue eyes skimmed down to battered and scarred hands as he watched his body move in an odd state of delirium. Oddly fixated on the way his knuckles paled and how tightly he grasped his sheets, Levi hadn’t even realized the painful sting in his lungs as the cool slick of sweat dripped down the nape of his neck.

It was a barrage of movements from there, his eyes remaining unfocused as he watched the chaos that spilled in his bedroom from an out of body perspective. It was...odd to say the least. He watched familiar faces come to calm his body down, easing him back into a sense of reality as he watched the cogs in his own face work to ease up the grip he once had on the sheets and the trembling he had ceased.

Another flash and he found himself back in his own body, blankly staring down at his scarred hands once again. The room was left barren all over again as he found himself staring out the window and into the gorgeous scenery before him. 

It hadn’t been that long since they had discovered the truth behind the entire catastrophe they found themselves in, yet it felt as though it was ages ago since he’s stepped forth outside. Or had it? If Levi were being honest, he couldn’t remember shit, and that itself only added to his agitation as he glared at the empty walls he was trapped in.

“Fuck...”

Clenching his teeth, the ex-corporal forced himself to get out of bed. A strange tug in his heart drew him towards the desk hidden within the corner of the room. Strewn across the poorly put together desk were notes, plans, letters, photographs, and...a locket?

Perhaps it was his age that was getting to him, or maybe it was the heat, but what was so important about this shitty piece of jewelry? Slowly picking up the accessory, Levi gave a brief once over to it before feeling a scoff build in his throat.

“Tch, it’s probably Lt. (L/N)’s.....”

Slowly, the words faltered from falling out of his throat as he felt his heart skip a beat. Cool metallic blue hues suddenly vibrant with evident fear as flashes of red and torn limbs flashed in his eyes. The quickening of his breath went unheard as he suddenly leaned over the table. Those scarred hands that have seen days of combat suddenly felt numb as the telltale sign of pins and needles crawled their way down to his fingers.

“Levi? Levi~~ Levi! LEVI!”

Flashes of her face swam through his vision as the once clear image of his desk became fragmented as he dropped to the floor. He didn’t even feel his knees dig into the floor-- rather he couldn’t care less as he desperately clung onto the locket as the memories from a week ago resurfaced into his mind. The tears that he once thought had dried up began pouring down his cheeks as the ache in his chest multiplied.

»»————- ♪ ————-««

The rustling of leaves caught his attention. Despite the cool weather they’ve finally been given it still brought the ex-corporal a sense of unease as he watched the small party work around in gathering materials whilst discussing their next plan of action. 

It hadn’t been long since they’ve dealt with Kenny and his gang, but if Levi was certain of one thing it was that he didn’t want to cross paths with that man ever again. Already he barely managed to scrape by whilst making sure their original plan had worked.

“Oi, dipshit.”

“Tch.”

No matter how hard he sought to smack that cheeky smile off of her face, he never found the heart to do it. Not when she held his with such a pretty smile. 

“You’re spacing out again. Kenny’s bullshit still getting to you?”

“...”

“Oh come on, you can tell me~.”

“Fuck off.”

“Oooh~ Touchy touchy. Look, if it makes you feel any better, I thought you were pretty badass!”

A skip to his heart. Something that wasn’t uncommon when he found himself with her. Of course he’d never let her know, instead he gave her a roll of his eyes before kicking her away.

“Get back to work.”

“Fine fine~. Oh! But in all seriousness, whatever is looming in that brooding mind of yours, just remember we still got the plan done. Whatever happened in the past is whatever. We just gotta look toward the future, yeah?”

“...tch. Hurry up and get the fuck over there already. Those damn shit wads look like they’re going to break their backs.”

A mock salute, one that he found endearing in her own quirky way though when he least suspected it she was right back up in his face. A cocky little smirk graced her lips before those chapped yet soothingly familiar feel of her lips brushing his own registered in his brain, and before he could react she was merrily skipping towards the struggling ex-cadets.

“...you’re damn lucky I love you shitty (y/n)...”

➽───────────────❥

BANG

“Fuck! Fuck! What the fuck!”

BOOM BOOM CRASH

“HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GET HERE?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!”

SCREEEEEECCHHHHHHH

Hell on earth, better known as the mass migration of Titans. One minute he was seated with Armin. Easily discussing strategies and the next movement for their plans. The moment he blinked the makeshift tents they had were on fire. Smoke was rising to the skies and the screams of people filled his ears. Immediately, Levi reacted. Rushing to grab his swords he mentally checked off a list of what needed to be done. Yet before he could even reach his own gear the hissing telltale sign of someone whisking into action caught his ears.

The reaction was immediate as he looked up to see fierce (e/c) hues. Calloused hands he’s held plenty of times underneath tables were now clenched tightly around her swords as she went about luring as many titans away as she could. 

“...evi, Levi, CAPTAIN LEVI!”

Shocked out of his stupor he turned to face Connie who was frantically grabbing at his arm as he finally took the chance to take in the scene before him.

Whatever carts they had salvaged were packed away with what little they could save. The bodies of those who had already fallen were hanging from the trees and already in the distant background he saw the revolting sight of a wretched up human meatball. 

“Status?”

“We’ve lost at l-least a couple of hands. Captain (y/n) told us to gather as much as we could and to gain distance while she distracts them--”

“Is there back up with her?”

“..N-No sir...”

“Are you fucking STUPID? Tch, get moving Springer. (y/n) and I will catch up shortly.”

“B-But”

“Did. I. Stutter.”

“N-No sir...”

“Then get moving!”

Not even taking the chance to watch the male rush back to the small party of cadets, Levi hurriedly put his harness and gear on in record time before whisking himself towards the sound of gurgling and inhumane sounds. 

“Just stay alive....please, I can’t lose you too...”

➽───────────────❥

Horrific. That’s the best that he could describe the sight before him. The carcasses of fallen allies and titans alike littered the ground as the once distant storm clouds drew in close. The light sprinkling of rain undoubtedly triggered a wave of unnecessary deja vu as he trudged on until he saw a lone figure standing a top the last titan from the herd. 

Suddenly, the once tight hold around his heart loosened as a breath he didn’t know he was holding finally escaped his throat as he relaxed his stance.

“Oi shit for brains. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“Oh! Levi! I thought you were with the others?”

“And leave a shitty captain like you to half ass the job?”

“Heh, you know it’s okay to admit you were worried about me stupid. It’s just us.”

Another roll of his eyes was given as he begrudgingly made his way towards her, a half assed smile gracing his features as he held his hand out towards her.

“Tch, you’re lucky I fucking love you shit for brains.”

The smile she gave was blinding. One that he surely could never find an immunity to as he savored the warmth of her calloused hand in his own scarred and tainted ones.

“Heh~ I love you too shitty corporal~.”

With that, the pair began their journey towards the base. A brief conversation in regards to how much compressed air was left in their tanks being their main worry as they walked. Though as that continued the rain that had once sprinkled began to heavily pour down. A sound of irritation left his lips as she lightly laughed, easily scooting herself closer to him as he begrudgingly wrapped an arm around her waist.

“This rain makes things just as bad, doesn’t it?”

“Yea---”

“....Levi?”

“Sh!”

Immediately a sense of dread filled his chest as he tugged her towards a tree, quickly hiding by the base as the loud crashes and thumps of footsteps prevailed throughout the lands. 

“...dammit....how much gas do you have left?”

“....Enough to swing by two of those big ass trees.”

A grimace. Again, that pool of dread seemed to fill faster as he subconsciously held onto her tightly. He had enough gas to swing back to at least the vicinity of the planned meet up spot, but with an additional body? He wasn’t sure. Perhaps if he were able to split it.

“We’re switching tanks--”

“No we’re not. You are going to keep your goddamn tanks and I’ll keep mine. Worse comes to worse you leave me here.”

“I’m not leaving you--”

A quick kiss to his lips as her fists bunched up his dress shirt. If he felt a tremble in her hands or the way her lips wobbled he didn’t mention it.

“Look. We both know that between the two of us you’re the one who has the best deduction and quick thinking. If it had to be one or the other....it has to be you.”

“Shut the fuck up. We’re going back together.”

“Levi...”

“No! shut the fuck up. I’m not leaving you behind. I’ve lost too many fucking people! I can’t lost you too! You’re....you’re all I have left in this shitty world...please (y/n)...”

Though before she could even reply a sharp scream came from her as he was roughly pushed to the side. On instinct her hands moved to hold the swords attached to her hips before jetting off for a nearby tree.

In response, the large titan moved for her. It’s large beady eyes leering at it’s new prey as she tightly grasped her blades.

“(y/n)!”

Levi didn’t even recognize his own voice as he went to grab his own swords. His fingers itching to press the triggers for the canisters, yet he was cut short at her voice and the shaky glare she gave him. One that only further plummeted his heart into his stomach as she gave him a trembilng grin.

“I got this! Just go and don’t turn back okay? I’ll be right behind you!”

“BULL SHIT. YOU BARELY HAVE ENOUGH GAS IN THOSE TANKS--”

“WELL I WAS LYING OKAY? NOW GO! I CAN HANDLE THIS ONE!”

“THEN LET’S---”

ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR

As if the distress wasn’t enough, the quick rumbling of earth and stone had both captains pale as (y/n) tightly held onto her blades. Her gaze no longer on the titan before her, but rather the hoard that was nearing their now disclosed location.

“...Levi you have to go.”

“No. We’re doing this together.”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE PLEASE LEVI! JUST GO. YOU WON’T HAVE ENOUGH GAS BY THE END OF THIS JUST PLEASE GO!”

“WHAT IF I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK? I’M NOT LEAVING YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS!” 

Gritting her teeth, she mustered up as much strength as she could as she hurriedly reached for the smoke gun. Without a moment’s notice, she shot the pellet. A trail of black littering the skies as she gave the other a glare.

“THERE. THEY’LL COME HERE TO HELP SO PLEASE GO AND BRING THEM HERE. I CAN HANDLE THIS ONE MYSELF AND THEN I’LL SWING UP.”

Gritting his teeth, he could only give her a stern glare as he reluctantly did as he was told. Without a moment’s delay he shot forth, desperate in tracking the familiar wagon to bring back reinforcements as the sound of a titan hitting the floor brought him a sense of ease.

“Damn you (y/n) you better keep your fucking word!”

. . . 

“I’m sorry Levi...I lied...I don’t have enough to swing up...”

Teary eyed, she let her tanks drop to the grounds below as her racing heart seemed to be in beat with the thundering steps of the hoard of titans on their way towards the sound of the fallen one’s cry. Subconsciously, she pressed her fist to her chest. Why? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she just had to keep it safe for him.

➽───────────────❥

Upon spotting the rickety wagon, Levi jetted straight for the reins. His eyes frantic as the leftover cadets near him seemed shaken by his brutish actions. He didn’t necessarily care though. What mattered to him was reaching (y/n)’s side with her seated on one of the thick branches with that cheeky grin he adored while he and the rest of the moving cadets could annihilated the hoard of titans.

Yet when he returned the pit in his stomach formed into that of utter despair. Where he should’ve seen (y/n) he found nothing. Instead, he saw the tattered remains of her cloak pinned to the tree as the hoard of demons fought over something...some...thing...some...one.

He didn’t know what happened next. Rather he couldn’t. As if his lungs had suddenly malfunctioned and stopped working. He hadn’t even realized he had jetted out from the wagon. All he saw was a glimpse of her bloody face and suddenly he saw red. 

It was an utter rampage. Sounds of desperation, anger, and hurt filled the skies as the rain continued to pour down relentlessly. The titans that had once stood tall now laid in horrifying dismembered piles. (y/n)’s body-- rather what was left of it. 

Ripped from the torso down, her legs were practically disintegrated. Most likely stewing away in one of the fallen titans’ bodies. A brief flash of her spine had most turning away to vomit, yet Levi stared lifelessly. His body trudging slowly to her as his lower lip wobbled. The pain in his chest multiplied tenfold as those warm (e/c) were glassy and unfocused. 

I'm sorry, don't leave me I want you here with me

Dropping to his knees, he gently cupped her cheeks as he pressed his forehead to hers. A shaky breath finally escaping him as he struggled to take in another breath of air as the rain continued it’s assault on him.

I can't breathe, I'm so weak

“Fuck... come on shit for brains... open those beautiful eyes for me...come on...yeah? You said we were gonna go see those damn pink trees...right?”

No response. Not that anyone had expected one. Forcefully breathing in he forced a weak smile onto his trembling features as his sight began to blur.

“C’mon (y/n)...stop playing these fucking games and look at me...c’mon.... I know you can dumbass...”

The pain in his chest amplified as the lack of response continued to shake her. An attempt to wake her up as he blatantly ignored the lack of legs and the disgustingly slow plops of viscera staining the grassy floors.

“Fucking shit (y/n) wake the fuck up. I’m tired of these fucking games. If you keep doing this bullshit I wont take you to see those damn trees you’re obsessed with when we fix this shit...”

Flashes of bodies. Each familiar to him in their own sickening way as a wretched sob came out of his chest. Desperately, he held her close. The care he had for his clothes now out the window as he buried his face into the crook of her neck as he shook with rage and absolute pain.

Don't tell me that your love is gone That your love is gone

➽───────────────❥

The ride was silent. Just the clopping horseshoes whilst he tightly held onto the bundle that was, in his words, a sleeping (y/n).

“...Captain?”

“What is it Arlert?”

Despite the clear hoarseness in his voice, Levi still held a bite to his voice. The lack of emotion in his eyes was pitiful, especially knowing how many loved ones the man has lost.

“...As we were cleaning Captain (y/n) up...we...found this.”

A tilt of his head was given, and before he could ask any questions the glittering of metal caught his attention.

“It’s a locket...I apologize I peeked inside...but I feel as though she would want you to have this.”

»»————- ♪ ————-««

Red rimmed eyes stared at the photo. It was something she had suggested-- stupid if you had asked him in the moment, but at this moment he couldn’t help but tightly hold onto the only photo of her left. Bringing the locket to his chest, the strong captain curled up into a ball as a new wave of emotions overcame him.

Having cried all his tears out, all that came out of him left were weakened whimpers and desperate heavy breaths as he tightly curled around the locket. The demolished state of the room proved to be a perfect depiction of his mind as the letters she wrote for fun back then were sprawled all around him. The sheets from the bed now in a makeshift nest around him as bloodied hands cupped the locket. 

“Why was it you...why couldn’t it have been me?”

A flash of her smile. The sweet harmonies of her laughter. Adoring warm (e/c) hues.

“...why couldn’t it have been m e?”

[katsukawas]

- temporary

pairing - jean kirstein x reader

warnings - (slight) nsfw if you squint, a lot of angst, cheating, sub/insecure! reader, emotional manipulation

word count - 1.6k 

a/n - my first fic my god .. also i thought about this simply because of 2 things - jean kirstein and listening to billie eilish’s i love you while drowning in a vat of my own tears because of this week’s episode </3 i recommend listening to the song and reading the lyrics before starting to get in the mood .. just because i am a sadist. enjoy .. 

________________________________________

It’s not true.

You fought hard to keep your tears at bay as you painfully gulped that burning knot in your throat. Your vision of Jean across the road, enveloping another girl in his arms, turned blurry as tears welled up in your eyes. 

Tell me I’ve been lied to.

What you thought was an ordinary night of buying groceries quickly turned grim. There you were, dead in your tracks, clutching onto your bags of fruit. Your boyfriend of five years, Jean, was hugging another girl whom you had never seen before. Beautiful blonde hair, petite stature with her arms snaked around his waist like she was meant to be there. 

You began to question yourself if he had any other family you didn’t know of, besides his mother. He was an only child. He had never met his father, nor did he talk to any other relatives - if he had any. 

Crying isn’t like you.

All questions dissipated from your head as Jean dipped his head down to kiss the girl. 

Your mind went blank. A nauseating feeling crept up from within you and the taste of bile threatened to coat your tongue. Your legs began moving by themselves and you hastily turned the corner, hoping you weren’t noticed by anyone. 

As the cold wind harshly pricked against your skin, you allowed the tears that you were desperately trying to hold back run down your cheeks. 

What the hell did I do?

“I’m home!” Jean’s voice boomed through the apartment. The sudden loudness made you flinch and the fruit knife you were holding cut through the skin of your forefinger. 

You cursed in shock and dropped the knife on the cutting board. You heard hurried footsteps rush towards the kitchen. Jean burst through the door and called out to you, “What happened? Are you okay?” 

You turned to the sink and quickly washed the blood off your finger, nodding curtly. You couldn’t even bring yourself to say anything because you were too afraid of your voice cracking. 

You didn’t hear Jean slowly shuffle behind you. The pressure against your back made you jump. You froze as Jean wrapped his arms around your waist, the slight stubble on his chin lightly grazing your ear, “I’ve missed you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you at work.” 

You fought the urge to let the tears come once again. Lies. Everything was a lie. 

You looked down at your hand clutching the tap, not even noticing your knuckles turning white. Everything he once did that made your knees weak, now made every joint in your body tense. 

Never been the type to let someone see right through. 

Jean turned you around, your back resting against the counter. His eyes bore into you as he brought your injured finger up to his lips, “Let me kiss it for you.” 

This was too easy for him. Did he not have a single ounce of guilt in him? 

“Don’t touch me!” you shouted, clutching your hand to your chest as if the man standing in front of you was a disease-ridden being. 

Jean had to step back from you. What had gotten into his girlfriend, who was always so warm and full of love, who would always run to the door and give him a kiss every time he came back from work? 

You felt his eyes scrutinize you. Your jaw tightened and so did your grip on your hand. It didn’t take long before your open wound began to bleed again. 

Jean reached out to you once again but stopped himself when he noticed you flinch. His arms fell beside him dejectedly, “What’s wrong?” 

Maybe won’t you take it back? 

“You’re a liar.” you whispered softly, looking down on the floor. “You’re a liar, and I hate you.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jean hissed. He grabbed your arms tightly. 

You looked up into his burning gaze, your heart breaking for the hundredth time that day. “I saw you kiss someone else.” 

It took everything in you to try to forget whatever you saw earlier on. You tried to convince yourself it was just a hallucination. 

But as Jean’s grip on you slowly loosened, you knew that whatever you saw that afternoon was nothing but the bitter reality. 

“Tell me I’m wrong, Jean.” your voice trembled. Your eyes searched him, hoping to find even a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. But there was no mistaking that kiss. You were just trying to find an excuse for him -- and yourself. 

When you didn’t hear an answer, the pounding ache in your heart turned into a seething rage. You grabbed his dress shirt in tightly wound fists, “Tell me I’m wrong, please! And that you aren’t out there fucking someone else!” 

Say you were trying to make me laugh

His gaze dropped and all he could do was listen to your endless blubbering. 

“You’re a liar.”

“I loved you.” 

The sound of your sobs echoed through the apartment. A pang of guilt engulfed Jean, seeing you so broken because of him. Tears stung his eyes as you continued to mindlessly shake him. 

Jean hadn’t been a good partner, he knew that. He let casual flirting at the office between him and his coworker get the best of him. He didn’t think about how you were at home cooking for him, while he had someone else bent over in front of him. 

Jean couldn’t defend himself. 

He knew the moment he allowed himself to get carried away was the moment he lost you. 

And nothing has to change today

His hands slid from your forearms to your wrists, steadying you when he noticed your knees giving out. You hiccuped as your sobs turned into sniffles. With a shaky breath, Jean croaked, “I’m a terrible person. But, please, don’t leave me. You mean so much to me.” 

You shook your head repeatedly and kept your gaze on the floor, watching your tears fall. All you could do was cry - cry the pain out. 

It felt like you had your heart twisted and gouged out of your chest. It all happened too fast. Everything you thought was a constant in your life was mercilessly taken away from the person you loved most.

But you felt it coming. No, don’t say it, you thought to yourself. The last thing you wanted to hear was- 

“I love you.” Jean said in a single breath. He repeated the same words over and over again. You wondered if they meant anything anymore. Your hands balled into fists again. 

You didn’t mean to say “I love you”

He gave you the life you dreamt of and in a second, snatched it all away. You couldn’t forgive him. You couldn’t forgive the fact that no matter how hurt you were, you would still love him back. 

But most of all, you couldn’t forgive yourself for what you did next. 

I love you, and I don’t want to.

You threw your arms around Jean’s shoulders in a rush. 

Before he could even register what you were doing, your lips found Jean’s. You first felt the familiar tingle you always got whenever you kiss Jean, followed by a sinking defeat when you realised that you had yet again succumbed to him. 

Everything was blurry. Nothing made sense. If you could, you wanted to pack everything and go. 

But it all happened too suddenly. How was one supposed to let go of five years worth of love and memories in an instant? 

Jean’s arms held you tightly and he kissed you even deeper. His hands snaked themselves under your shirt and roamed the small of your back. You shuddered, goosebumps rising at every corner Jean touched. 

The kiss was hungry, as if the two of you had something to prove. There was no more going back. 

--

That smile that you gave me

You finally understood why people get caught up in loveless relationships. The memories were too precious. All you had built up, you refused to let it come crashing down. 

You knew this was wrong. Your morals, your burning hatred from before, the numbing pain in your heart. All of it was gone when you held Jean so close to you. 

An abrupt throb in your temple stirred you awake. You pressed a finger against the bridge of your nose as you looked up at the ceiling, and then to the left.

The dim glow of the night light softly outlined Jean’s shirtless torso. He sat up, the bed lightly dipping as he shuffled to the edge. Before he got up, Jean looked back at you and softly smiled. He leaned down and gently placed a kiss on your forehead, “I’m going for a smoke. Be right back.” 

You silently nodded and tiredly smiled back. 

Even when you felt like dying

The door clicked and you were left alone in a silence-shrouded room. The air felt thick, the feeling of unease weighing down on your body. 

Your face immediately contorted in pain as you choked back a sob. You helplessly balled yourself into a fetal position, your chest stinging with every cry you stubbornly keep in. 

You don’t know when you will be able to fully absorb the situation. All you knew was that when Jean was with you, you were whole - even if you failed to make him feel the same way. 

But the harsh truth was still the same. 

This was all temporary. You were temporary to him. 

_______________________________________

© katsukawas 2021

[thebeautyoffanfics]

se!saeran x gn!reader

a/n: I’m really really sorry for taking so long on requests,,, I’m working on them slowly, but I’m in a sort of weird mental state, so I wrote this mainly for comfort. Thanks for understanding ^^

Pfff, as i’m writing this, my internet has cut like 6 times- honestly i’m just trying to write comfortttttt

warnings: negative thoughts/feelings

word count: 1,869

Your stomach ached, as you wrapped your arms around your torso. So many thoughts flooded your head that it was beginning to make you feel physically ill. Your brain was screaming at you- things you should be doing, things you regretted doing, how lazy you were being, how tired you felt, how overwhelming every little feeling, sound, light, and texture was to your senses. Yet, all you could do was sit there. You wanted to cry, but, despite everything you felt, you were… numb. Where was the point in crying? It was best to accept everything as it was.

Though you told yourself it was best to accept such a defeat, there was a part of you that was well aware that you were close to some sort of breaking point. All day was spent doing things- all day for several weeks now, you spent your time working. Working, worrying, running errands. Still, every day seemed to bring another thing to do- another problem- more drama, none of which you could control. Everything was out of your control.

You nearly jumped at hearing your phone ring. Grabbing it, you were half-ready to give some sort of curt answer, before realizing that it was just Saeran. Holding the phone to your ear, you gave the most cheerful answer you could.

“Hello?”

“Hey, (Y/N)... I was just… wondering how you were.”

Of course, you weren’t doing your best. Knowing that, but also knowing that Saeran probably couldn’t afford to bother himself with your problems, you told him “I’m pretty good. How about you?”

“I’m fine… my stupid brother went into town, so I was thinking about walking to your place. Not like I… really feel like seeing you in particular, I’m just….”

“It’s alright. You don’t need an excuse to come visit me, you know? I’m decent, and I’ve probably got ice cream in the fridge.”

Saeran paused on the other line, and you could vaguely hear the sound of boots zipping up. “Right then. See you in a few.”

“Okay. Love you, see you in a few.”

“............” He whispered, despite the fact that no one was in his home nor yours, “love you too.”

The phone call ended, and you sat back, staring at the ceiling. Saeran was comforting to be around, sure, but… were you going to be comforting for him? You had no energy left. Just making yourself talk on the phone felt like too much work, you honestly just wanted to sleep… sleep for a long time. Maybe a month of two. A year or… ten.

“Alas, life goes on,” You whispered to yourself, attempting to lighten the mood. Forcing yourself to stand, you walked to the bathroom and grabbed a hairbrush, deciding to make yourself somewhat decent for Saeran.

You glanced at the mirror, pulling the brush through your tangled hair. The knots were tough, probably due to running your hands stressfully through your hair so often, and you watched as your face contorted in pain.

“You’re so… ugly,” You sighed to yourself, continuing to brush your hair. “You can’t even handle brushing your hair… it’s not hard. It doesn’t hurt that bad… you’re fine, you know? Just suck it up...”

Sighing, you tossed the hairbrush back onto the counter, then fixed your hair a bit with your hands. “Talking to yourself, huh… not even for a fun conversation. Just… complaining.”

You began your walk towards the kitchen, aiming to grab some medicine to calm your upset stomach. As you stepped, the thoughts continued- upsetting, self-deprecating thoughts, on top of impulsive ones. It was all… too much. Even as you swallowed the pain relieving pill, so many thoughts ran through your brain. Throw this, hit that, do this, clean that. You wanted to pull out your freshly-brushed hair, as you instead opted to chug the water bottle held in your hand.

“Giving your kidneys a boost?” A familiar voice asked, a joking tone laced in the comment. You nearly jumped again, calling yourself lucky for having just finished drinking the water.

“I drink plenty of water, actually. Maybe not today, but I usually do.”

You gently wrapped an arm around the tall boy, feeling him lightly return it, before the both of you sat back quickly. “Saeyoung always tells me that you should drink water every day. Not just when you feel like it.”

“And does Saeyoung follow that?”

Saeran laughed, “does Phd Pepper count?”

“Nope. So, his comments are invalid.”

“I didn’t take them seriously to begin with, sooo…”

You smiled, tossing the empty bottle into the recycling bin, before looking back over at Saeran. “So? What brings you here? Ice cream, a movie, popcorn?”

He shrugged, grabbing a bowl and a spoon, then making his way towards your freezer. He took out the ice cream container, before preparing himself a bowl. “...Want any?” He asked, not bothering to look at you as he did so.

“No, thank you though.”

"Sure… it’s your ice cream, so you don’t really need to thank me.”

After having made his bowl of ice cream, you found yourself resting next to Saeran on the couch. A comfortable silence ensued, and you finally felt at some sort of peace. Though your eyes were shut, at feeling a gaze on you, you peeked them open, catching a glimpse of Saeran as he quickly turned his head. Sitting up a bit, you smiled at his dismissiveness. He’d die before admitting it, but he had been looking at you… you felt lucky. He could look at you without disgust- something not even you could do to yourself.

“What’re you thinking?” You asked after a few minutes. Though the silence was enjoyable, his voice wasn’t something you could complain about either. Honestly, all you wanted to do was hear his sweet voice talk about whatever he pleased, and maybe fall asleep to him talking. The last part was less likely, but-

“You’re acting dumb,” He muttered, turning and shoving a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as you noted the pout on his face. You swallowed the ice cream, your heart rate picking up, worrying that you did something wrong.

“What do you mean?”

“See, you’re already getting defensive. It’s,” He paused a bit, and you didn’t bother speaking, knowing it was hard for him to put things to words. He didn’t want to seem too worried, although it was clear he cared. “It’s weird. You haven’t…” His voice grew quiet, as a pink spread across his face, “texted me as much. And I’ve had to initiate half the calls- and even then, you sometimes don’t pick up. And then, your texts are all quick and boring. I’m not… the best at picking up on things, but I can tell something’s wrong. So, just tell me. That’s what I’m here for, you idiot.”

You sat there, unable to form any words. You hadn’t thought that anything seemed wrong. You were… your normal self, right? He’d been worried just because you… couldn’t keep up with your own mind. His concern was your fault, despite the fact that all you wanted to do was focus on him. To help him. This wasn’t help-

“Stop. Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. I don’t like that look on your face. You don’t need to force yourself or anything, just… I’m... here. It’s not a problem or a bother or anything.”

Like that, so many of those negative thoughts were contradicted. Your head hurt a bit, as you felt your heart ache. Tears filled your eyes, as everything finally came crashing down. Letting out a sob you were sure was ugly, you felt Saeran tense up next to you. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a reaction- maybe it was overwhelming for him- still, despite the fact that he could turn away, despite the fact that he didn’t need to care, he wrapped his arms tightly around you. He began to rock you back and forth a bit, petting your head gently, as you had often done for him.

Normally, Saeran struggled to start physical contact. He struggled to deal with it, always needing you to slowly initiate touch. He’d gotten better about it, but just having him hold you so suddenly and so tightly, so comfortingly, made your heart ache further. He’d worked so hard, and, in that moment, you were so proud of him. You felt so much love for him that you were sure your heart was going to burst. And, the way he was treating you made you sure that, even if it wasn’t you yourself, there was someone out there who loved you… Saeran was that someone.

After a few minutes of Saeran holding you as you cried, you found the energy to sit back, wiping your eyes, almost embarrassed of the mess you were sure you’d become. He reached out, wiping some tears for you, before squishing your face slightly. His face was red, eyes slightly watery, as he made direct eye contact.

“Don’t hide your feelings from me… you convince me to tell you things, so you should tell me. If I’m comfortable around you… then, you… should be comfortable around me. It’s not like I have any room to judge you.”

Taking a shaky breath, you leaned back into the hug, the side of your face squishing against his chest. “Can I just… sit here for a bit…? Tell me about your day, please.”

Saeran hesitated, before shifting the two of you, leaning against the couch so that you’d also be reclining a bit. Once settled, he took in a strangely calm breath, before speaking. “Well… when I woke up, Saeyoung said he was making breakfast. It smelled bad though, and I realized he’d used Phd Pepper instead of water in the pancake mix… which, I guess was his way of saying ‘hey, Saeran, you make breakfast today’. So, I made normal pancakes. Actually, I put some… little chocolate chips in them, like the kind we got last time we ate breakfast-”

His voice continued on, as you listened to him describe every detail of his day. A sort of calmness enveloped your heart, along with exhaustion enveloping your body. There in Saeran’s arms, everything felt… safe. Nothing could hurt you, not even the problems, drama, and work that you had just panicked over. There… was no rush to do things. If you took things slowly, maybe… just maybe, it’d all work out. With those thoughts in mind, and Saeran’s voice in the background, you finally fell asleep.

---

“(Y/N)? Are you even listening?” Saeran questioned, lifting a hand from your back. As he did so, he glanced at your face, before freezing up. Realizing you were asleep, he put his hand back, sitting back in place. “They’re… asleep,” He thought, a bright blush growing on his face. Despite himself, he smiled slightly, proud that you were comfortable enough with him to fall asleep on him. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, beginning to realize how sleepy he was. As a few more moments passed, the only sound Saeran could hear being your gentle breathing, he found himself drifting off to sleep as well.