#and then I never talked about it again because men can’t be victims

[55sturn]

i haven’t spoken about the situation with @sturniololuv08 [ can’t tag bc she has been blocked ] yet due to me being at work, but i’ve caught up with everything since and i just want to say i am disgusted.

first and foremost, my heart goes out to the victims that have been deeply hurt and impacted by this person’s actions. whether the victims that have been triggered, re-triggered, groomed, and/or forced to relieve their own worst nightmare and experiences.

CNC, otherwise known as CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, is a tricky subject to write about, regardless of anything. you are toeing the line between indulging in a rape-esque fantasy and indulging in something that requires a lot of discussion and trust before anything is even attempted. now i’m not going to kink-shame someone if properly done CNC is what they’re into, but when you’re portraying it as a sexual act is being performed without any prior talking about consent nor is consent actually given beforehand, you are writing a rape scene. there’s no other way to put it.

a sexual act cannot start before consent is given, at least not legally or morally. to write it and have one person give consent half way through the act, is not okay. the fact that you have written a real person committing a crime that is not taken seriously enough, as if it was nothing, shows the kind of person you are. the very scene you have written is a very serious, very vile, and very real experience for most women and men. this is not okay.

i understand having darker and more taboo sexual interests, but rape or rape-play should never be one.

as for texting minors privately, that in itself isn’t weird to a degree, but your intent was very clearly weird. you went in with the intention of flirting with one, and continuously asked minors personal questions about their sex lives at the age of twenty eight. that is creepy, weird, and wrong. and especially as a mother of what i’m assuming is a younger child, you should never think of or look at a minor as your next partner. you need to remove yourself from the internet and get serious help because you’re a disgusting human being.

and once again, my heart goes out to those that have been deeply affected by her behaviour. you did not deserve to suffer through that.

[starlight-edith]

Just learned one of my mutuals has an absolutely horrible take and I don’t know what to do about it because I’m pretty sure this is the second time I’ve realized this and I just refollowed because I forgot 😭

[dovedrangeas]

transphobic gays when the conservatives they allied with to harm trans people move from transphobia to homophobia:

[the-daily-dreamer]

The thing about the breakdown of the Rhaenicent relationship that is talked about but I think is still severely overlooked is the key role that both girls/women (specifically Rhaenyra) play in its destruction.

Because the fandom focuses in on this narrative that the relationship broke down solely because of the ambitions of men. And aside from that fueling the annoying idea that all women are inherently passive victims that suffer because men are ambitious and violent, it’s simply wrong.

While the catalyst was certainly Otto’s ambition and Viserys’s weakness (and perversion), Rhaenyra and Alicent’s relationship truly breaks down because of Rhaenyra’s entitlement, self-serving nature, and inability to see outside of herself and her experiences and Alicent’s (in my opinion reasonable) reactions toward this over time.

The beginning of the break down comes from Otto forcing Alicent to comfort the king and Viserys knowing his desire for her is wrong and forcing her to keep quiet about their visits until he decides to marry her without her prior knowledge or consent. And Rhaenyra (and the fandom) sees this as the ultimate betray against her by Alicent. Rhaenyra holds more resentment against Alicent for the engagement than she does against her father. Why is this? Some might say that it’s because she’s closer with Alicent and therefore would expect more from her than her father (whose relationship with her has been broken by the murder death of her mother). But I don’t think that’s fully the case.

While Rhaenyra having a higher expectation of Alicent may be a reason for her increased and unequal resentment, I think the main reason is that Rhaenyra cannot fathom Alicent could do this because she has never been in this position. Rhaenyra sees this as Alicent being complicit in the deceit and seduction because Rhaenyra would simply rebel. She can’t understand why Alicent wouldn’t simply say “no” to her father or betray the king for her. Rhaenyra’s world view is very blinded by her privilege. She simply thinks Alicent should and could defy her own father because…Rhaenyra has and will again. Rhaenyra is able to disobey her father and get away with it so why can’t Alicent? Ignoring the fact that a crown princess has vastly more power than the daughter of the hand, Viserys is a weak and compliant parent compared to Otto’s manipulative and stern nature. It’s easy for Rhaenyra to disobey because the consequences are either nonexistent or very mild. Alicent doesn’t have this luxury and privilege but Rhaenyra can’t conceive of it.

But also, Rhaenyra sees her father as…her dad. Not the king. Rhaenyra sees it as easy to defy him and his orders because he is her father first and her king second. But for Alicent that is the king. The most powerful man in the world. Defying him could have disastrous consequences for her and her father. But because Rhaenyra doesn’t force herself to see things from another’s perspective, she doesn’t see it as Alicent being beholden to the man who could (if he wanted to) ruin her family or kill her and her father but rather her friend not betraying her dad.

After this we see Alicent be the one to continuously try to extend an olive branch and support Rhaenyra behind the scenes. Asking for Rhaenyra to have the option to choose who she marries (a privilege and kindness Alicent, herself, and every other woman in this universe hasn’t had). Reaffirming Rhaenyra as the right choice for heir when Viserys is questioning his decisions. Defending Rhaenyra against rumors that would damage her reputation. And all Alicent gets in return is snark, anger, and lies (leading to Alicent’s isolation and suffering in court).

Which leads to event two that breaks the relationship: Rhaenyra’s entitled behavior and lying. Alicent spends a great deal of her time coinciding her husband in favor of Rhaenyra. But Rhaenyra, seeing herself as exceptional and above the rules, continuously acts out in ways that hurt her standing. Most especially with her decision to go out and try to sleep with daemon and then pushing Criston to sleep with her.

Alicent is the one to be transparent with Rhaenyra about the “rumor” to get her side. Something Viserys would simply not care enough to do. Rhaenyra, knowing her actions being confirmed would be disastrous, tells half truths to Alicent who is all too eager to believe and support her friend. Even worse, she uses the memory of her mother, something she knows Alicent holds incredibly sacred, to further convince Alicent that she’s telling the truth. And this decision by Rhaenyra to lie (over something she knows Alicent holds dear and has used multiple times to try to connect with her) to protect herself directly harms Alicent as her father and only ally in court is kicked out and ostracized. But that’s not Rhaenyra’s concern. While Alicent has given a lot of effort to protect and defend Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra is far too focused on her on wishes and desires to care about the impacts her choices have on anyone else.

And that’s why when Alicent finds out that it was a lie, a lie that got her father taken away from her, she goes full scorched earth and wears the green dress. Because she realizes that Rhaenyra will never stop being entitled and self-serving. She realizes that all this time and effort she has put into fixing things with Rhaenyra and defending her is completely one sided. Because Rhaenyra can only see things from her perspective and can only see things based on how she can benefit even to the detriment of others (herself, her father, Criston, etc.).

Then the final nail in the coffin is the birthing of bastards. At this point Alicent has had her eyes opened to how Rhaenyra will do as she pleases without considering the consequences (to herself and others) and then she watches Rhaenyra flagrantly birth obvious bastard after obvious bastard, pushing the children she was forced to have further and further down the line of succession behind kids who objectively should not have the throne. And it makes her bitter and jealous and as she should be. The fandom is too obsessed with marking Alicent as the reason the relationship was destroyed because she was unnecessarily jealous of poor Rhaenyra who was just so brave to do as she pleased!

But it’s a spit in the face to Alicent. That Alicent was pimped out and forced the have children with a man she didn’t love at the ripe old age of 15 hole Rhaenyra is free to take a lover and birth obvious bastards and get away with it. She has every right to be angry. Not because she thinks all women should be submissive and bend to patriarchy. Because she is watching how privileged Rhaenyra is before her very eyes while she was forced to suffer the way almost every other woman has.

While I acknowledge that Viserys and Otto are the catalyst for the breakdown of Rhaenyra and Alicent’s relationship. Rhaenyra’s flagrant disregard for others and her entitlement are what truly break the relationship until Alicent is no longer willing to be submissive and accepting of Rhaenyra’s behavior. And this in turn, causes her to make choices that service her and her children. The way Rhaenyra has always done and always will.

The breakdown of rhaenicent was always inevitable regardless of which men were involved. Because at their core, Rhaenyra would always put herself first and Alicent would always come to the realization she is no longer willing to be a doormat.

[tiredfox64]

Could you pretty please do the lin kuei bros x siren reader 🙏🥺

Bad Things to Come for Travelers

Yip notes: Since when were sirens bird women? I didn't know this. Hope we are talking about the mermaid kind.

Pairings: Lin Kuei Bros x Siren! Afab reader

Warnings‼️: This may be short

It was supposed to be a simple mission. All the brothers needed to do was retrieve an item for Liu Kang. Some jade artifact or something. This mission took them to rocky cliffs and harsh waves. There were points where they had to hug the wall to prevent their deaths. They believed that would be the only challenge they would face while on this journey.

Wishful thinking…

The brothers were reaching the top of the cliff, their bodies somewhat soaked by the waves that were just barely miss them. You hid behind a rock to peek at your new visitors. Three of them? Oooh, this will be a fun challenge for you. Let’s see if you can get all three men.

The brothers got to a spot that seemed relatively safe. A part where there were no waves crashing and the cliffside was flat. They took that as an opportunity to take a breather. You took that opportunity to sing your lovely siren melody. The wind blew your voice into the men’s ears. At first they thought it was the wind itself making that sweet sound. No, that can’t be right. The wind had been blowing nonstop and only made that sound now. Bi-Han was the first to act by covering his ears with his hands.

“Cover your ears.” He commanded.

“Why?” Tomas asked.

Kuai Liang listened and didn’t ask questions, leaving Tomas in a vulnerable place. Bi-Han remembered something that Liu Kang told him before going out. He warned that if he were to hear anything that sounded like singing that he should cover his ears immediately. It’s a sign of a siren trying to lure men to their doom.

That’s exactly what’s happening.

Kuai Liang stared at Bi-Han while in a panic. If they move their hands to cover Tomas’ ears they put themselves at risk. It was too late; Tomas was already in a trance. His pupils were dilated and his eye color barely showed. He walked closer to the edge of the cliff. Kuai Liang called for him to stop. Tomas looked down the cliff and saw you lying on a rock. You looked up at him, giving him a smile. You were happy not because he noticed you but because he was close to his demise.

You don’t know these men, remember? You don’t know what they have up their sleeves. That’s when you saw Tomas pull out his karambit that shined even though it was cloudy. He threw down a smoke bomb and he was gone. You were left confused and wondered what you just encountered. Did you encounter an Enenra that was disguised as a human?

Then you heard the sound of stone being struck. When you looked up you saw Tomas sliding down the cliffside, using his karambit as a way to slow him down. Once he hit the ground he came up to you with that same crazed look you usually see in your victims. Except Tomas was not a victim. Though he was in a trance he was smart enough to not leap off the ledge and be impaled by sharp rocks.

“Wow…you’re even more beautiful up close.” He said with this lovesick tone.

His hand went up to caress your wet hair. You were appalled, astonished, flabbergasted even. Your victims never got this close to you. But now you have a man in front of you who can’t take his eyes off you. He didn’t even comment on your tail. He knelt down in front of the rock you were lying on and had his head in his hands, admiring you like you were a goddess. It was a nice change, you couldn’t lie.

Kuai Liang and Bi-Han stepped closer to the cliffside and stared down. Good to see that Tomas wasn’t dead. Kuai Liang was unsure of what his brother was doing until Bi-Han gave a hint.

“That fool, he fell for the siren’s song.”

“I thought those were myths.” Kuai Liang was surprised.

You noticed that the two were looking down at you. Try your luck again. Maybe this time at least one of them will meet their maker today.

You sang your song once more. Bi-Han was quick to cover his ears again, Kuai Liang unfortunately wasn’t quick enough. Bi-Han knew there was something wrong when he saw his brother wasn’t moving at all. His pupils dilated until there was no more golden brown showing. He tried to take a step forward but Bi-Han used his leg to push him back. He couldn’t trip him because he would accidentally kill him. He tried his best to push him back with his legs or even his whole body. Kuai Liang was fighting back while in this daze. He just had to get a closer look. There was no other option and Bi-Han was so frustrated he decided to grab his brother with his hands and pull him back.

uh oh!

bad decision, bi-han!

The effects of your song immediately got Bi-Han. His eyes grew darker from the dilation of his pupils. The brothers were not fighting anymore but were instead staring at you. You thought this would be the moment you killed two birds with one stone. Nope, you’re in for a surprise.

Bi-Han pushed his brother out of the way before creating steps made from ice down the cliffside. Kuai Liang was not gonna lose to his older brother so he started acting quickly. He stabbed his kunai to the side of the cliff and held onto the rope tightly before taking steps down. You lay there, not angered but disappointed. How did you mess up that badly? When did humans have the ability to do tricks like that?

Before you knew it, Bi-Han slid all the way down to you and Kuai Liang scaled down the mountain. You got three beautiful men in front of you and you have the nerve to complain? Yeesh!

They adored you which was weird. Usually, people look at you with fear but for once you get to see the faces of your victims. Tomas melted every time you placed your hand under his chin. Kuai Liang liked to admire how your scales shine and how flowy the end of your tail is. Bi-Han…he’s already acting up. He’s acting possessive, holding your waist and pressing you against his body. The other two are getting agitated now. They want you just as badly as Bi-Han does.

“I was the first one down here,” Tomas argued.

“I was just as willing to see her up close as you were!” Kuai Liang shouted at Tomas.

“I am your grandmaster! She should be to me!” Bi-Han was shouting right in your ear.

Alright, you see why the other sirens tell you not to let the trance go on for ages. They get possessive and see what they could potentially do you don’t want them turning on you or each other. Nobody wants to handle a burnt corpse or a frozen carcass.

You sighed, knowing that the fun had to end now. Might as well bring them back to shore. You grabbed Bi-Han with your right hand and Kuai Liang with your left. You bit the back of Tomas’ uniform before diving into the sea. One second they were on the rock with you and the other they were being flung up into the air and landing on the wet sand. Kuai Liang rubbed his head after that rough landing while Bi-Han was trying to catch his breath after inhaling too much seawater. Tomas was booking it down the shore and was already jumping in the water to catch you. He grabbed onto your tail and begged you to not leave him. You almost felt bad for doing it but you knew he couldn’t stay with you so you had to push him off. He swam away quickly, leaving them in an uncomfortable situation.

“I think Tomas is still in a trance.” Kuai Liang said.

“No, I just wanted to have her around for a little bit longer,” Tomas replied in a sad tone, the waves pushing his body back to the shore.

Bi-Han finally caught his breath and realized what happened. That was unpleasant and he could not forgive himself for falling for that. He grabbed Kuai Liang and Tomas and started dragging them in the opposite direction of the sea.

“Wait, where are we going?” Tomas asked, “Aren’t we supposed to-“

“I AM NOT GOING BACK UP THAT CLIFF!”

For the first time, the brother will return to Liu Kang empty-handed. Bi-Han can tell Liu Kang to get it himself because he is not going through that again.

Yap notes: I hate posting late I'm sorry. And yes I did make a Mandela Catalogue reference. I don't really have much to say so yeah. Adiós!

[princessbrunette]

Rafe with a reader who's known around as being a tease, all talk. I feel like he wouldn't like it very much

s1 rafe again bc for some reason im obsessed w him lately

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

he’s heard about you. a tease, as they call it — always flirting, batting your eyelashes up at every guy and then never putting out. no one was quite sure what kind of sick game you were playing, attracting the eyes of many at every kook gathering or country club outing but rafe was intrigued. not enough to do anything about it, but enough to watch from a far and ponder.

but you wanted rafe, and all his attention — which is why you’re sat right up next to him on a couch at some stuffy mansion party, watching him cut coke for one of his friends. youre practically pressed to his side, and he’s barely giving you the time of day, only making you want him more.

the only reason you turned down all those guys was because you only wanted him. even flirty girls like yourself could gain hardcore crushes, and now he was right by your side it felt like it was going nowhere.

“what you want, huh? you after somethin’ free? coke?” he glances at you, simultaneously waving to one of his friends across the room. you pout, not even able to hold his focus. luckily for you, your tipsiness made you more bold. bold and horny.

“m’interested in you.” you thumb at the sleeve of his polo, sulky and childishly begging for his attention. he laughs, eyes creasing at the side and at first you don’t even know if it was directed at you, until he turns his head— dropping the expression to something faux-serious, wide eyes and parted lips.

“oh yeah? me and the 50 other poor suckers you’re stringin’ along?” he teases and you shake your head, watching as his pal lifts his head from snorting the white lines, sliding a wad of cash across the table through the residue. rafe picks it up, starting to count it.

“you know i never actually do anything with those guys…” you defend.

“so i heard.” he turns back to you, cash fanned between two hands. “and you’ve chosen me tonight as your next victim. y’not gonna get so lucky there, sweetheart.”

“why not?” you couldn’t believe how pathetic you sounded, and maybe you were a masochist because something about the way he was the one controlling the conversation instead of you for once felt good.

“‘cus i’m not an idiot.” he folds the cash, pulling a clip out of his pocket and clipping the wad— shoving it deep into his pocket as he sends a parting smile to the customer. “what do you actually— i mean actually want from me?”

you look up at him beneath your lashes, a doll like appearance to your demure pout. damn, he thinks— you’re good at this.

“i’m just attracted to you rafe. wanted to talk to you. if you’re not interested just tell me. no need to embarrass me.”

he stares at you for a moment, and he kind of feels himself feel a little nagging guilt at his chest which he doesn’t appreciate. he sighs, shifting his body a little more towards you and pinches your jaw, making you look at him. it’s not a super rough gesture, but you blink in surprise anyway and the feeling goes straight to your pussy.

“and what’s gonna happen if we go upstairs to talk some more, hm?” he challenges making you swallow hard, never having felt needier for someone you’ve only had around seven fleeting conversations with in your life.

“w—we can get to know eachother and then maybe… can get to know other parts of you…” you admit, somehow shyly despite being such a floozy with other men. it fills him with pride at the fact he’s brought that side out of you, that is if that side is real of course.

he looks down at his crotch and back up at you suggestively. such a boy, you shouldn’t like it this much. “n’what about when i pull it out, huh? y’gonna run away?” he speaks lower, quieter, he’s talking about his dick to you in the middle of this party and you’re stupidly wet.

your lips part, eyes glancing at his mouth like you can’t contain yourself and your throat even trembles with the quietest mewl, relishing in the way his fingers clutch your jaw. “g’nna spit on it. suck on it. whatever you want, rafe…” your voice is airy, desperate. he smirks and lets go.

“alright. we’ll see. i’ll find you, yeah? got some business to attend to.” he gets up, leaving you. rafe cameron was making you work for it.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

[witlesswitnesstm]

Ok so I haven’t posted anything about this before, but I feel as though I have to now because this obsession is taking over my life.

The Marvin Trilogy: My Speculations about Marvin’s sexual trauma

(Surprisingly, I’ve seen almost no one talk about this)

Cw: Pedophila, SA, mention of suicidality

For this, I am taking from both the 1979 album and the 1985 rewrite of In Trousers.

So, the elephant in the room: Set those sails. When I first watched the Trinity College production, the entire song gave me a sense of unease unlike anything else. There’s this whole depiction of Mrs. Goldberg stripping in front of Marvin, a 14 year old, and then Marvin backing away and watching all of the ladies sing. I want to note here how Marvin doesn’t sing in this at all. Then the song ends, and Mrs. Goldberg claims the entire song was a highschool fantasy by Marvin. See, I don’t doubt that parts of it were definitely made up, but I think Mrs. Goldberg coming onto Marvin was not. To me, Set those sails is Marvin’s interpretation of his teacher’s assault. He’s trying to justify his uncomfortableness by imagining this scenario is a sort of “wake up call” to manhood. One of the lines is “You might tell me you’re a victim, you might get what you deserve.” Which, in my opinion, is near damning evidence to suggest that Mrs. Goldberg groomed/abused Marvin in some way. She says that she can’t excuse a boy who’s lost his nerve, which seems to me like her encouraging Marvin’s perception of masculinity, and saying that he needs to reciprocate her affection to be a man. There are further references to how a good man never fails or how men account for the appetite of all, that could be him trying to tell himself he should’ve enjoyed it. A “good man” in Marvin eyes, is someone who has incredible resolve to his heterosexuality, and always lusts for women. What better a way to prove that than to pretend he enjoyed being assaulted?

Next, I want to note the differences between Set those sails and the R—- of Mrs. Goldberg. The r of Mrs. Goldberg is incredibly childish, and it’s clearly stated at the beginning that it’s a fantasy by Marvin. In this song, Marvin has the control. He’s the hero who takes Mrs. Goldberg instead of the other way around. He has no clear understanding of what sex actually is, and just wants the absolute power that is implied with it. I personally like the interpretation that Marvin made fantasies of having control to cope with being assaulted. I also like the interpretation that this song is a story he made up to tell others in order to “prove” his heterosexuality. As I briefly mentioned earlier, the behavior of Marvin between the 2 songs is also very stark. In set those sails, Marvin actively tries to get away from Mrs. Goldberg and stays absolutely silent. This is extremely uncharacteristic of Marvin, especially at this age. He always acts out, he always yells, except for this song. This deeply contrasts the R of Mrs. Goldberg, where Marvin is loud and happy, as usual. I take this to mean that Set those sails is one of the few moments where he is truly paralyzed.

There are a few references to Mrs. Goldberg’s misconduct in Highschool sweetheart as well, even if they are a stretch. Marvin says “She gives me words to say” and while this is obviously a reference to the script, it might also be her telling Marvin to lie about what happened. There’s also Mrs. Goldberg saying “Stop making me crazy, Marvin. I love the way Marvin acts, I do.” which is obviously about his unruly behavior, but might also be about her sexual feelings towards him.

As for how this ties into the main theme of misogyny, misogyny affects all. The idea that women are docile and innocent, and men are sex crazed is a product of misogyny. Marvin holding this belief actively hurts him over and over again, blaming himself for not living up to this standard. I truly have no idea if this is what William Finn intended, but I find it interesting how it all fits.

Moving on from childhood, let’s talk about Nausea before the game. Besides probably being my favorite song in the whole show, it gives a whole lot of insight as to how Marvin feels about sex now that he’s presumably experienced it. The constant references to games are important here, I feel like. Marvin absolutely loves winning. He even says that winning is everything to him in The Chess Game. Marvin would do anything to win, including forcing himself through intercourse he desperately does not want to have. It’s implied that he literally throws up afterwards, trying to purge himself of his shame. He even prays for it to stop, but inevitably, it never does. And of course this all stems from his internalized homophobia, and the added layer of possibly being assaulted as a child just makes the entire situation even more tragic. Having sex with Trina could *literally* be bringing back traumatic experiences. This also makes me feel for Trina, because she did nothing wrong. She just wants love, but Marvin is so fucked up. There’s also even more references to being inappropriately touched in highschool with the line “It's anxiety when you recall girls who touch you when you're walking down the hall.”

My chance to survive the night just further elaborates how much Marvin hates being heterosexual. I find the word “survive” to be very peculiar in this case. It went from “winning” sex to “surviving” it. This might imply how worn out he is because of all of this, focusing his attention to his literal survival than his pride. It might also imply suicidal thoughts during sex, leading to him just wanting to live through it, although that might be a stretch. (Marvin’s suicidality is a whole other can of worms that I’d love to get into in another post). One thing though, I don’t actually know if My chance to survive the night is before or after Nausea before the game, but it has a similar implication either way. Anyway, there’s one verse in the song I want to note. Marvin says sex as a dance, but he describes all the movements very objectively, and notes how he isn’t very lucid about it. This might be a sign of disassociation, which is a common trauma response. Another thing from this song is that he says he wants to sleep, but the phone will ring (Presumably a call to intimacy). And this theme of wanting to sleep but not being able to is a theme throughout the whole musical. There’s a reference to it in Nausea before the game with “If I touch her would she let me fall asleep?”, and many references in “I can’t sleep”, but I think that song is more about how Marvin’s ex lovers haunt him in general.

Next up, I want to talk about Your lips and me reprise. This really digs into the whole “Marvin’s ex lovers are haunting him” deal. This is the first time we really see Marvin actually acknowledge the ladies’ accompaniment for his songs, and it’s because of his guilt for making up a story about Mrs. Goldberg. I think Marvin thinking about this in one of his most private places, his shower, just shows how much this affected him, even in adulthood. The line “My body is not yours to hold” by Mrs. Goldberg is extremely powerful, and I think it could have multiple meanings. It’s Marvin’s guilt about fantasizing about her, yes, but it could also be him finally accepting that what he and Mrs. Goldberg did wasn’t supposed to happen. The ensuing panic attack is caused by Marvin’s perception of his childhood crashing around him. If anyone has seen lars_orange’s animatic of this song on YouTube, I really love their depiction of Marvin recovering from his panic attack. He thinks about Whizzer, and he breathes. This is where Marvin takes a victory shower starts. He’s not ashamed anymore. (Unrelated, but is it just me or is this song seem like Marvin taking a shower after having sex with Whizzer? It’s referenced in How America got its name that Columbus planned to take a shower after he and Amerigo spent so much time together.)

Finally, I want to talk about Another sleepless night. Specifically the 1985 version. This gives a clue into how passionate Whizzer and Marvin are, even before The thrill of first love. There is one key difference in the lyrics from the college production to the actual lyrics. In the actual lyrics, there’s a line, “I’m feeling hot. He'll close his eyes, and then surprise: I'll be awake and performing” but the college production changes it to “He’s feeling hot. I’ll close my eyes, and then surprise: I'll be awake and performing”. The actual lyrics enforce Marvin’s need for homosexual intimacy, which feels very in character for him at this point. He’s craving anything other than heterosexual sex and he finally has that in Whizzer. The college lyrics paint a completely different picture, implying that Whizzer is the one who wants passion. Then Marvin says “He'll wanna sleep, but asks for more. To put up with a guy like myself must be a bore.” This suggests Marvin still feels a sense of guilt for not being able to give what others want from him. These different interpretations bring completely different meanings to the line “But he sleeps in this bed, with me, a survivor.” For the original lyrics, the connotation of “survivor” is positive; he’s survived his trauma and able to move on. For the college production, it’s negative; he still feels fragile or insecure because of what he’s been through. Ultimately it ends semi positively with both versions saying that Marvin’s never felt more alive.

Ok, god damn that was a lot of words. Short story, Marvin is hells of fucked up, and I really really really love the Marvin trilogy

[undead-supernova]

It's My Body and It Hates You / Masterlist

plot: memories are resurfacing. you thought that you were getting better. he wasn't haunting you now that you are with eddie. but, fuck, healing is just not that linear.

pairing: boyfriend!Eddie x afab!reader

important notes: this is about healing from previous sexual assault. this is as self-serving as it gets!!! and it can be HIGHLY TRIGGERING for other victims! but i thought maybe if someone else has gone through this before too, they could find comfort in it.

hate that I have to add this but please be respectful of my experiences. I have cowered away from posting this for months, but I think I should be allowed the right to shine a light on these issues and what intimacy looks like post-trauma.

wc: 3.4k

song reference: Everybody Loves You by Charlotte Lawrence (which has helped with my healing so so much over the last few years)

It starts the moment you wake up.

The remembering.

It’s his cerulean eyes you think about first, nearly glossed over with the glare of the morning light. The way it used to, at least. It made everything inside you soften; made everything slow down.

Back in the early days. Back when it didn’t fill you with melancholy. Back when you thought being in love meant to be in constant fear.

Way before you ever met someone like Eddie. Way before you knew that good men existed.

You look over to find Eddie gone already, having promised to help set up for a parade at the local middle school Nancy works at. He’s been teaching some of her students how to play guitar, even going so far as to buy them some cables and help update the sheet music they stashed in a closet.

Eddie’s good like that.

Generous. Observant. Selfless.

And it’s awful, but you wish he’d stayed home. Because something in you is starting to fall apart and it’s not pretty. It’s not palatable like they show on TV.

No, it’s something much more visceral.

It’s been almost four years since it started, since you fell into a not-so-serious relationship with some guy that turned into something sinister.

All of the running around and the secrets kept from your friend group that (not so surprisingly) doesn’t exist anymore. The ones who were so sure you were just obsessed with him. The ones who still talked to him after.

You were supposed to only have sex. That was it.

But, of course, what’s a little sex without his longing glances and soft embrace and sleeping over and early morning kisses? Sweet nothings, cuddles and hand holding?

But, no. He swore it to be friendship, just something casual. Even when he told you three separate times throughout your time together that he wanted something more. But it was fleeting, backtracking a day or two later to say he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Ghosted you for two weeks, maybe a month at the most. Come back with a few sexts and suddenly you were fucking again. 

No strings, he’d say. We can’t be in a relationship.

So you stayed that way. Kept everything inside the best you could. Stood in the mirror with your lips sewn shut, tears trickling down your cheeks as if every teardrop was another regret. Smiled as much as you could, waiting for him to look away before you allowed yourself to let it falter.

And then there was the sex. That’s all anyone cared about in relationships, right? Not the person, just the body. Just the sexual object, a mere paperweight for the other to use.

The sex hurt from the beginning, his fingers never fitting right. His mouth always just a little bit too rough. But, fuck, it just always seemed to hurt. So you never truly finished, always faking it and finishing in the shower afterwards.

But you loved him. You loved the way he held you afterwards, the way his back shone in the morning light whenever he slept over. The fun little bickering back and forth whenever he was coming down from the dopamine rush. Ordering in and laughing at each other when stealing fries became a full-on wrestling match.

And at some point. 

Well. 

You stopped receiving. 

He’d try to arouse you, but ultimately it was always to please him. He was always too tired afterwards anyways. And though you wanted to stop, you just…did it anyways. You would sit there, reminding yourself that it would stop once you got him off. 

When it ends, it’ll be okay. He’ll stay. He’ll finally tell you he loves you. Just hold on. Just keep doing that and he’ll finish and then you’ll be fine. Just a few more minutes. Just do this. Just do that. 

Just, just, just… 

It’s fine.

Until it didn’t feel fine. Until he berated you one day, saying that the two of you couldn’t have sex every day and that your “friendship” was getting out of hand. That you wanted too much from him even though he was the one who initiated. 

Because, like with your emotions, you’d learned that if you attempted to initiate sex, the answer was no.

And so he yelled. And yelled. And yelled. Until you were sitting on the couch watching one of his lame TV shows and his hand ghosted over to your thigh. Stroked it. Gave you that look. Leaned in. Kissed you. Wrapped his fingers around your jaw and brought you back in unexpectedly.

This happened more times than you like to admit.

When he finally decided to commit, it lasted a month.

And, god, was it was a shitty month.

He introduced you to his mother who really didn’t care enough to ask you any questions about yourself and even made it a point to say that you and her son were very different—almost too different. When you told your friends, they weren’t happy for you. They were confused, even. He never talked about you, so how were you now suddenly dating? 

He never wanted to go on dates, never gave you anything special that he hadn’t stolen. Only called you beautiful between the sheets and told you he loved you in whispers. Even told you that telling him you miss him was manipulation, guilt tripping him into feeling bad for being gone.

So you stopped saying it. Stopped thinking about it. Started telling yourself to be grateful that he was still there.

When he dumped you that final time, on April 1st of all days, you’d laughed hysterically. It was the moment you realized that this was all he’d ever be. All he’d ever do. You saw all the patterns and the seduction and the manipulation and the fucking fucking and knew that this was a vicious cycle that would never end unless you were the one to cut the cord. 

And, well, you’d already snapped.

You thought that everything had been consensual. That you’d wanted it. Even though you didn’t, not one bit. You just wanted him to stay.

But it couldn’t have been rape. No, not at all.

But, like, you didn’t want it and you most definitely felt taken advantage of every single time and he definitely touched you whenever he wanted you to fuck him and get your arousal to distract you and the word coercion definitely sat in your mouth all funny and…

It had to be consensual. 

Right?

For two years, you thought you’d never go near romance again.

When you met Eddie, a friend of a friend, you were so confused by how gentle he was. Always having a smile for you, always telling your friend that he enjoyed your presence. He gave you little presents, like stickers and rocks from conventions and comic book stores. A few amethysts after you told him they were your favorite. Learned your coffee order and your favorite foods.

If you were hanging out, you were playing video games or board games with his friends or laughing or giggling or swapping embarrassing secrets or, or or...

His friends would leak in every now and then, filling up cups and hosting potlucks galore. Steve, Robin, and Nancy made sure to affirm your solidified place in their lives while Gareth, Grant, and Jeff made sure you were a key member in campaigns. 

And Eddie was always there at the end of those nights, washing your dishes and collecting trash just so you could catch some sleep.

It was such a stark contrast from the friend group you’d been in before.

And, fuck, you’d never felt so free.

A few months into your friendship, Eddie made it clear that he had feelings for you. Asked if you were feeling the same way and that he’d fuck off if you told him to. When you laughed and said you kind of liked him back, he asked you out on a proper date, something you hadn’t had before. 

He did that whole thing with the flowers and the tie and the car door and the restaurant door and the chair and the laughter and the nice champagne and the walking you up to your apartment. 

His arms were behind his back, keeping a safe distance. Under the dim flickering light of the hallway, his dark irises met yours. You searched them for any sign of danger.

But they were gentle. Kind. 

Warm.

And you stood there, waiting for him to kiss you or try to come in.

But he didn’t.

He’d said, “Could we do this again?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He turned to walk back down the stairs. But you touched his shoulder. 

“Wait, you’re not going to try to come in?”

Eddie merely smiled at you, tugging at the stray hairs leaving his bun. “Oh, uh. That’s not how I want to do things.”

“Really?”

He shook his head, still smiling. “Really. Sorry to disappoint—”

“No!” you exclaimed, maybe a little too loud. “No, I just. Um, no one’s ever— Anyways, it’s not important. I’m sorry. I’d love to go on a second date.”

You sat in bed that night, trying to ward away the nightmares creeping up. Feeling locked in place, feeling scared. Felt it in your arms. Your spine. Your cracked chest.

Feeling terrified that Eddie was just lying. 

Feeling doubtful that this would ever be more than some hookup.

And yet, it became anything but that.

On your sixth date, you finally told him about your ex, trying to explain why you were the way you were. Why you flinched at any casual touch and why the idea of being intimate was scary for you. Why you’d been so hesitant with Eddie in the first place. 

You rambled on and on, from the way you couldn’t even masturbate half of the time to avoiding porn because you flashed back to those moments. The ones where everything always had to hurt. The ones where you had to make yourself into a sex doll just to be seen. Just to have worth that ultimately meant nothing.

It was like your body was stuck, like it was empty and full of cobwebs. It was just the strangest sensation, like your body knew something you didn’t.

“It’s silly, I know,” you’d said. “I don’t know why it’s all still so scary for me. It’s not even a big deal.”

Eddie whispered your name then, hesitantly reaching his fingers out to skim yours. “And you have no idea why you feel this way?” he asked, an eyebrow lifting.

Yours furrowed. Softly, you asked, “What are you trying to say?”

“I think…” Eddie took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily before gazing at you again. “Um, I think he raped you.”

He watched your eyes widen then.

And as the waves of grief washed through you that night, Eddie held onto you. His strong arms anchored you to the life you had now, the one you were living in spite of this horror. 

But it didn’t mean any of this made sense. What had you done to deserve this? Where was your fault?

But, fuck, how could you have even known?

And why would that be your fault anyways?

“You don’t need to see this,” you’d sobbed, shaking your head. “I-I—”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence, heaving another sob before his arms tightened around you.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered, kissing your temple. “I’m here, okay?”

“I’m here.”

You cried the first time he made you cum. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he’d cooed. “It’s okay. You’re safe with me, I promise. Let it out.”

You nodded then, taking your tired arms and wrapping them around his neck. Pulled him closer, closer than you’d been with anyone. Hugged him tight. Kept him inside you. Tried to remind yourself that he wasn’t going to walk away. He was here with you. He was present. 

​​Not too long after that, you’d been under him again, breathlessly thanking him.

Eddie had stilled inside you, leaning back to look into your glassy eyes. 

“What for?” he’d asked.

“For being so sweet to me,” you responded, sniffling. “For letting me feel good.”

“Sweetheart, I—” Eddie got choked up on the words, getting teary-eyed himself. “You never have to thank me for making sure you feel good, alright?” You nodded. “I want you to feel good. Always.”

Nodding again, you asked, “Would you…keep going? Please?”

He smiled then, wiping the sides of his eyes. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Anything you want.”

“Thank you,” you’d said, taking his hand in yours. “Thank you.”

After that, Eddie approached things a bit differently.

Even when he was fucking the shit out of you, which you didn’t even know could actually feel good, he was so gentle. Kissed your face after you came two, three times before praising you.

“You did so good, baby. So, so good.”

“So proud of you.”

“You’re so beautiful. I bet you knew that already, though. Absolutely perfect.”

It started to stitch back together something inside you that you didn’t know could be mended.

Somehow, within the last six months, you stopped being able to have sex.

It came out of nowhere—all the flashbacks and panic attacks. The moments of arousal that seem to wash away seconds after it’s felt. Hell, even the thought of masturbation has started to make you sad again.

Your body recoils from that kind of intimacy now, even Eddie’s touch being clouded with the memory of Him. And you’re working on it. You are. Sometimes you have therapy twice a week just to talk about it and undo whatever it is that’s starting to worm its way into your every day life.

Despite it all, you still try doing little things with him so that you can enjoy yourselves, like getting off while lying next to each other. It always ends in giddy laughter and gentle cuddling. Soft kisses and the promise for another round later.

But recently you can’t help but feel like you’re something that weighs him down, keeps him from experiencing true pleasure. That you’re just a tattered and torn tapestry that holds no image anymore.

By the time Eddie gets home that night, you’re on your third glass of wine, silently crying in your shared living room. It’s not the best sight, your white t-shirt gone after you’d spilled the drink while trying to sit down. You’re naked, chest stained with the scarlet liquid from shaky fingers. 

Eddie immediately throws the keys on the counter and rushes over to you. 

“Hey, what happened? What’s going on?” He gently runs his fingers through your hair. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

You shake your head. “He’s back. In my head. I can’t get him out, Eddie. I can’t get him out.”

“Hey, come here. It’s going to be—”

He tries to wrap his arms around you, but it’s seconds before you’re pushing him away from you. You can’t feel Eddie tonight. No. You only feel Him. That monster, that unforgivable personification of hell.

“Stop! Stop!” you plead. “There’s so much pain. Just so much. I can’t keep doing this. It’s so painful.”

There’s nothing but those cobwebs inside you with little insects scurrying about. Maggots squirming in and out of your flesh. The hands, His hands that disemboweled you from the start, are still clawing at your ribcage. After all, He left you for dead, disgusting and discarded. Poisoned. Tained.

You’re suffering. 

And you don’t suffer beautifully. You’re not draped in silk sheets and clutching your pearls as your trauma washes over you in delicate, smudged mascara tears. No, your naked body shivers with the cold air and sticky spilled wine and your nails are crooked from the biting and the picking. Your eyes are sore and there’s something worse clawing at your throat.

“Baby, hey…” Eddie trails, lightly stroking your arm. “It’s okay. Just breathe for me, okay?”

“No, I’m so fucking done!” you scream, slamming your glass on the coffee table, watching as it cracks. “I can’t fucking believe this stupid thing happened to me and now I can’t do shit during sex and I’m just broken. I’m just fucking broken. And it’s all his fault!”

You choke on a sob, collapsing back onto the carpet. “It’s all his fault,” you whisper, overcome with sorrow.

“Hey, hey. Come here,” Eddie whispers, tentatively pulling you back into his arms. 

“I want this to be over with.” Your voice comes out exasperated. Exhausted. Like even the thought of having to keep going through this is about to do you in. “I just want it to be over.”

“I know.”

“It’s so gross. It’s so gross! I feel so fucking tainted and like I’m full of toxic waste. Like goo, you know? Just fucking oozing with the stuff.”

Eddie simply nods, holding you tighter to his chest. “Did you, like, get triggered? Last time, you said it was that detergent at the store.”

You shake your head. “No, it’s like I woke up being assaulted or something. It’s absolute bullshit. I thought I was done with this. I thought it was over. I thought I’d been to therapy enough that it was letting me get back to having sex and being normal.”

“Ah, come on, sweetheart,” he cooed. “There’s no such thing as being normal, especially after something like that. You know that.” You let out a huff, one of your stubborn ones that leaves a small smile on Eddie’s lips. “Besides, you’re the only one punishing yourself for not being able to have sex right now.”

Sniffling, you look up to meet his eyes. “You’re not mad at me?”

His eyebrows furrow, shaking his head as he continues to smile at you. “Why would I be mad at you, hm? I don’t want to have sex if you’re not feeling it.”

“Oh,” you say simply. “Okay. Yeah.”

Arms tightening, he states, “That’s how it should always be.”

You nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“And we have our things we do,” he adds, fiddling with your fingers. “You know, getting off at the same time.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” you ask.

“Not to get, like, vulgar right now, but I think it’s hot.” That gets a laugh out of you. “I’m really into it ‘cause you’re super into it.”

“I like it,” you agree, the haze starting to dissipate from your vision. “It makes me feel safe and I just…it’s nice.”

“Then we can keep doing that until you’re ready to do anything else, alright?” 

You nod, still trying to clear the fog.

“I know what I signed up for, sweetheart,” he says, giving you a quick squeeze. “I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you, no matter how much I wish it was.”

“I’m gonna get through this,” you say with a nod. “I know I can do this. I just need some time to figure out how to change what’s happening inside me.”

“See? That’s my girl,” he whispers, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “My strong, beautiful, brave girl.”

“How were the kids?”

It’s dark in your bed, the covers seemingly comfier than they’ve ever been. Eddie has you curled into his arms, hiding you away from the assailants and the monsters of the world. There’s no Him here. For now, you’re resting in the arms of solace. 

“Absolutely terrible,” he says, causing you to chuckle. “But I think they had fun. Nance is good at the teaching thing, bossing the kids around, you know?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you keep talking to me?” you ask. “I want to hear more about your day.”

Eddie trails on, stroking your hair. He tells you about the tiny parade the classes had and how the mini float they made stopped moving halfway through. Steve came just in time to see it break down and they worked together to get it back up and running again. 

He says you would’ve had fun.

Says it’s okay that you weren’t okay enough to come.

Says it’s okay that you’re struggling with this.

“You’re doing your best,” he whispers as your eyes start to get too difficult to open. “And I love you so much. I’m right here with you.”

Love doesn’t come easily after sexual assault. When there’s no one left to trust and the idea of sex is appealing but the follow through fills you with intense anxiety, the thought of a relationship is…tough. It’s easy until it’s hard and it’s hard until it’s easy. It’s like every day comes with something new, whether it be good or bad.

Eddie’s the exception that you never saw coming. And you’re so fucking glad you were able to see the day where you got to meet him. Fall in love with him. Stay with him.

And he tells you one last truth before you fall asleep.

“You aren’t broken, even if you feel like it. Just a little bent, baby. That’s all.”

shout out to @strangergraphics for her dividers...and a big thanks to her for encouraging me to share this when I was giving up.

if you are going through anything like this, know that you're not alone. it's a scary experience and people don't really talk about the way the body is just as affected by trauma as the brain is. healing is not linear and you will get through this.

stay strong.

[nayatarot777]

Lilith in Scorpio/8th house

this is intuitive astrology. meaning that i’m making these notes based on what i intuitively pick up about this astrological point being merged with these signs. take it with a grain of salt and understand that you might not relate to everything that i get from your placement 🖤

Astrology Masterlist

scorpio/8th house themes are always surrounding the taboo areas of life: death + birth/rebirth, trauma, debt + taxes, other people’s assets that they give to you (like an inheritance, for example), conscious secrets and fears (not secrets and fears like what you find in pisces/12th house - you don’t realise exist. 8th house secrets and fears are those that you consciously know about but don’t talk about), intimacy, sexuality, shared resources, and power and control.

the first thing that i think of when i see this placement is people shaming you for your traumas. the people who literally get victim blamed for the ways that they’ve been abused, shamed, and oppressed.

you could’ve experienced shame towards the way that you grieve too. towards someone’s death or your own trauma. for some reason, people love to shame you out of purging very real and very valid emotions during the grieving process.

your lilith energy is potent in scorpio/8th house. since this sign and house is the area of taboos, people could literally treat you like you’re a taboo yourself. as if you’re a topic of conversation that shouldn’t be touched on.

this placement could make a lot of people fear you as taboos and the unknown are usually feared - therefore avoided.

^ that’s another point. you’ve probably experienced people avoiding you like the plague. simply because your energy seems ‘dangerous’ or scary in some way.

an obsession with the taboos of society - sex, death, murder - anything that you can think of that society would look at you like you’re crazy for freely talking about.

also indicates a lot of obsession with anything occult. occultism could be where you find your personal power. where you channel your rage from all of the times that you were scapegoated, oppressed, and abused. for example: someone who send dark and baneful magic to those who’ve fucked with them.

you guys have the most potent energy of a man-eater if you’re a woman. this isn’t like lilith in the 1st house/aries in which men will see you as their opponent to challenge. you’re literally seen by them as woman who are threats. threats that they can’t fight or dominate because they wouldn’t even know how to oppose you.

^ again, your feminine energy is one big taboo. and taboos are never ventured into. it’s like trying to fight the darkness. or a ghost. something that you know of but don’t understand and don’t want to. men could never.

if you find yourself suppressing this energy, then you’ll find yourself meeting people and falling victim to people (especially men) who are the worst human beings that you could imagine. murderous-type people. the people who could cause you serious harm. and these are usually men who you end up merging with heavily in relationships (as this is the sign/house of intimacy).

you could face a double dose of shame from yourself for the secrets that you know you carry. especially if they’re sexual secrets.

your sexuality could be very taboo too. i said this in the lilith in taurus/2nd house observations - lilith in scorpio/8th house is a placement that could indicate prostitution. actually having sex with clients in exchange for money, and not just using sex appeal or the image of sex to make money.

^ but random, but if you have lilith in gemini in the 8th house, or your lilith placement just has aspects to 3rd house planets/mercury, you could lead a double life that involves you selling sexual content online. and nobody knows about this.

this placement is also a placement that makes me think of people who marry rich people for the sake of gaining that inheritance money after their spouse dies. you know the young women who marry old men who are knocking at death’s door? yeah 😂

you find a lot of shame from others for your sexuality but a lot of power too. could be into power dynamics in your relationships/deep sexual relationships - like BDSM dynamics.

you have the power to manipulate people into giving you their money/possessions and assets through your sexuality. doesn’t even have to be through sex itself because your sexual energy is POTENT. you hold power over other people’s shit.

you could fear showing femininity in a way. just because you know that - considering the world we live in - femininity is not viewed as something powerful by men. and lilith in scorpio/8th house is all about holding onto power. therefore, you may keep your feminine side a secret to yourself.

could’ve experienced the most shame in long term relationships, after marriage, etc. after you gain a certain level of intimacy with someone, that person turns around and shames you.

and that’s why lilith here is a very prominent placement for experiencing extremely heavy-hitting betrayals. therefore gaining a huge fear of intimacy and being betrayed again.

your sexuality could be very dark. adding onto the sexual secrets, you could have secret kinks and fetishes that you feel like the average person would shame you and demonise you heavily for.

[stardust-and-snickerdoodles]

and i'll find strength in pain

fandom: Bones (TV)

pairing: Lance Sweets & Reader

summary: You were the victim of a violent attack a few weeks ago. Agent Booth has been a comfort for you, but he's out of his depth. He suggests you visit Dr. Sweets to talk about what happened to you.

tags/warnings: rape aftermath/recovery (implied), sh, anxiety, panic attacks, dissociation, emotional hurt/comfort, therapy

word count: 3334

a/n: this one's for all the people who are still thinking about lance sweets 10 years later and who, to this day, refuse to watch ep 10x1. if i don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist

There’s a plaque on the door. It reads 2475, DR. LANCE SWEETS, Clinical Psychologist. You practically have the words memorized. You’ve been standing here for nearly five minutes, working up the courage to knock. Every time you raise your fist to do so, it trembles so violently that you drop it again. Agent Booth’s words ring in your ears from when he dropped you off:

Look for office 2475. Sweets will be able to help you.

Sweets will be able to help you.

Can anyone really help you though?

It’s been 2 weeks since the attack, and the five men who cornered you in that alley still haven’t been found. Your skin still prickles with the phantom of their touch. Every time you close your eyes, you see their sneering faces, their bulging eyes. You can’t walk home from work anymore. You can’t even drive past the alley without having to pull over and take 10 deep breaths, counting in for 3, out for 3.

How could anyone, anyone, help you with that?

Agent Booth has been kind so far. He’s not on your case, since it’s technically the state’s responsibility, but he’s the one who found you that night. He’s the one who drove you to the hospital while you were unconscious, stayed until you were awake. He wasn’t even deterred when you scrambled away from him, the sight of another man’s face leaving you panicking. He sat calmly and reassured you that you were safe and left his phone number on a napkin on your bedside table, along with a scrawled note, reading:

Call if you need anything. I can help you file a case.

You’d taken him up on the offer, calling the next day. He helped you make a report with the state, sat with you while you described your attackers to the forensic sketch artist. Although he’s not the most equipped to handle your moments of panic, never quite sure what to do, he still sits with you and talks you through it. Eventually, though, he must have realized he was out of his depth, because he referred you here.

To a psychologist.

For whatever reason, it’s ingrained in your mind that seeing a psychologist means you’re broken. You don’t want to think that way, but it’s hard not to. After what you went through, it’s easy to believe such things about yourself. Broken. Impure. Damaged.

You shake yourself out of your thoughts and suck in a deep breath. You wonder if Dr. Sweets knows you’re standing out here. The embarrassment of that thought is finally what allows you to work up the courage to knock. Three quiet taps on the door.

“Come in,” a voice responds.

You open the door slowly and peek around the edge. “Are you… Dr. Sweets?”

The man looks up from his desk. You’re taken aback by how young he is. Surely this isn’t the FBI psychologist? He’s so… well, young. Still, it’s better than some middle-aged man, someone like the men who attacked you-

You shake yourself and step inside as he responds. “That would be me.” His smile is gentle and reassuring. “Are you Y/N?”

You nod, stopping just inside the door. You’re unsure of where to go – there’s a couch and a chair facing it, but there’s also a chair in front of his desk where he sits… Which one? Where do you go? You stand awkwardly, waiting for some sort of direction.

Dr. Sweets stands, smoothing out his suit jacket. “Please, have a seat.” He gestures to the couch.

A swell of gratitude washes over you at his clear instruction. You seat yourself gingerly on the edge of the cushion, locking your hands together in front of you. Dr. Sweets takes the chair across from you, crossing one leg over the other. He observes you for a moment, eyes searching, and you shrink into yourself a bit. It feels exposing to be in front of him, like he can see all your secrets without you saying anything. Your eyes roam the room and the walls, trying to find something to distract yourself.

“How are you?” Sweets asks gently.

You swallow thickly and look down at your hands. “Fine… Agent Booth said I should talk to you.”

He nods. “Yes, he gave me a quick briefing on your situation. Is it alright if I ask you some questions?”

You avert your eyes, looking to the walls again. There’s a large window on the one to your right, but the blinds are closed. You wish he would open them so you could look somewhere else besides his probing eyes. “I guess so.” Your voice is shaky. You clear your throat to try to hide it.

Sweets, meanwhile, has been carefully taking in your body language and movement. He’d heard you hesitating outside the door, heard your soft pacing footsteps and rapid breathing. Since you walked in the door, he’s realized that he needs to take a gentle, soft approach with you. He doesn’t want to push you too far. From what Booth told him, the assault is still fresh in your memory. “First of all, I just want to say that you’re very brave for coming here. I know it can be scary to talk about these things and I’m very proud of you for taking this step. You’re safe here, and you’re totally in control. If you ever want to stop, or you don’t want to talk about something, you just say the word, alright?”

You nod, mostly subconsciously. His words feel empty, although there’s a sincerity too them. You just can’t bring yourself to believe him yet.

Sweets sees through you right away. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Do you believe that you’re safe here?”

Your response comes out as barely a whisper. “No…”

He nods gently. “Can you tell me why?”

You look down at your hands again, twisting them around the opposite wrists. The movement is soothing, grounding. “I don’t… feel safe anywhere. It’s too new. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like I’m back there…” You close your eyes briefly, but snap them open again when disturbing images fill your head. “I can’t escape it. Everyone is someone who could hurt me…” You drift off as you realize how much you’re giving away. These are the things you’ve kept close to your chest; it feels wrong to be saying them to a stranger.

Sweets can tell immediately when you start to become more uncomfortable. He eyes your hands, watching your fidgeting. He takes a moment to think before speaking again. He must tread carefully; he can’t risk you shutting down before he’s even gotten a chance to talk to you. “How about we stick to yes/no questions for now? Would that be easier?”

You shrug, twisting your hands a bit more roughly as the images continue to plague you. “Sure.”

“Are you aware of your surroundings at all times? Always… looking for danger?”

You nod slowly. “Yeah…”

Sweets keeps his voice gentle and quiet, but his mind is racing. The psychologist in him is searching for coping mechanisms, for things to say that might help; the human in him is fighting the desire to reach out and just comfort you. “Do you experience nightmares? Bad dreams?”

You nod again, eyes flicking back to the closed window. “Yes.”

“Do you ever have panic attacks? Moments of overwhelming fear or anxiety?”

You look up at the ceiling, twisting your hands harder. It begins to burn, but the feeling is good. It keeps you in the here and now. “I don’t know… maybe.”

Sweets watches where your eyes move, sees how you avoid eye contact at all costs. His own eyes dart to your wrists. Your fidgeting has grown more aggressive. He can see where your skin is becoming red and irritated. He frowns slightly. “Can I see your wrists?”

Your movements suddenly still and you shake your head. Shame floods your face.

Sweets notices the quick change in your demeanor. “Okay, we don’t have to look at them. Does the twisting help?”

You nod. “It… feels good. Calming.”

Sweets nods and files this information away for later. He’s going to help you find some healthier coping mechanisms – you can’t keep hurting yourself to stay grounded. “I get that. Do you want a stress ball or something? Something so you’re not hurting yourself?” He can already predict your answer, but it’s worth a shot.

You shake your head and grip your hands on your wrists. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Sweets leans back in his chair again. He wants to ask you about the assault, but you’re still so closed off. “Do you want some water? Maybe something else to drink, or eat?” He stands to retrieve a bottle for himself, hoping that it will make you feel more comfortable if he does it first.

Still, you shake your head. “I’m okay… do you have more questions?” You eyes drift to the door.

The young psychologist instantly notices your desire to leave and heads back to his seat, water in hand. He wants you to stay, wants you to start talking about this instead of bottling it up. “Couple more. Is that okay?”

You settle back onto the couch, hunching a bit to try and make yourself smaller. “Yeah…”

“You’re doing great,” Sweets offers you a reassuring smile although you’re not looking at him. “Can we talk about the attack?”

You hesitate, images flashing through your mind, before nodding. This is what you’re here for isn’t it? You can’t leave now. “What… what do you want to know?”

Sweets observes your closed-off posture, the hunch of your shoulders. This is going to take a while. He adjusts in his chair, trying to get comfortable while still staying professional. He speaks gently. “What were you doing before the attack?”

“Working,” you murmur. “I walked home.”

“Were you alone?”

You hum in affirmation, nodding your head. It had been so dark… The streetlight near the alley was out, you were walking through a shaded part of the sidewalk when they grabbed you…

Sweets watches as your eyes go glassy. He recognizes the beginning signs of dissociation and immediately works to pull you out of it, switching gears. “Where do you work?”

You shake yourself lightly and stare at the wall again. Your eyes settle on a divot in the paint, a spot where it’s been chipped away by a nail or something. “Newspaper… I’m a journalist.”

He nods and tilts his head at you, feeling a swell of pity. This really did a number on you. Booth described it to him, but he hadn’t gone into all the details… Clearly it was horrific if it’s causing you to be this dissociated and anxious. “That’s cool. Did you always want to be a journalist?”

For the first time, you meet his eyes. This topic is safe. These are things you can discuss. He offers you another reassuring smile as you shake your head. “I… wanted to be an astronaut. But my eyesight isn’t good enough.”

Sweets laughs lightly at the answer and you can’t help but crack your own small grin. His laugh is comforting, nothing at all like the men who attacked you… You shiver and refocus on his voice. “There’s a reason there aren’t many astronauts. Those requirements are very restrictive.” Sweets clears his throat and adjusts himself in his chair. You steel yourself, waiting for his next question. His distraction technique was effective, but now he has to get back to business. “So, you were walking home from work alone. What happened next?”

You swallow thickly and look back at the divot in the wall. Your hands go back to your wrists, feeling the warmth where you’ve managed to irritate your skin already. “I was walking by an alley… There were five men coming toward me. I was about to cross the street…” You suddenly are back in that moment, thinking the thoughts you were then. Your keys were clutched in one hand. Your other hand was shoved in your purse, gripping a small bottle of pepper spray. Your jaw was clenched, heart racing as you realized the danger you were in.

Sweets clears his throat to get your attention and you shake yourself out of your reverie. “You were about to cross the street. What then?”

“Um, they… they were quicker than me. They grabbed me and dragged me into the alley…” Your eyes go blank again. The divot in the wall seems to grow, a spec of grey that overtakes your vision. The world around you goes hazy. Sweets’s voice is a muffled background noise. Vaguely, you register the feeling of tears brimming in your eyes, of your hands twisting roughly against your wrists. The pain feels good, but it’s not enough.

Sweets watches closely, expecting you to continue, but then he notices the blank look on your face. You’ve gone completely still, save for your twisting hands. He observes you as you go pale, barely blinking. You’re completely shut down. “Y/N? Can you hear me?” He keeps his voice soft, gentle, trying not to scare you. He doesn’t know how far gone you are yet. He watches as your body begins to tremble, as your hands speed up in their motions. Your nails begin to catch against your skin, making harsh red lines across your wrists. Sweets knows he has to break you out of this, has to bring you back down to reality.

He stands slowly, walking around the coffee table to crouch in front of the couch where you sit. “Y/N. Listen to my voice. You’re safe here. You’re in my office at the FBI Headquarters. I’m Dr. Sweets, we’re here talking together. You’re safe, you’re not in danger anymore.” He keeps his voice level and soothing. He wants to reach out and touch you, but doesn’t want to jolt you. His eyes go back to your wrists, noticing how aggressively you’re scratching yourself. If you don’t come out of this soon, he will have to stop you from hurting yourself.

“Darling, listen to me.” The affectionate name slips out before he can stop himself. “Look at me if you can. You’re right here. You’re sitting on the couch in my office. You’re safe, I promise.” His words seem to be having no effect. If anything, your motions are becoming more frantic, your eyes more distant. Sweets sucks in a deep breath, hating what he has to do now.

He reaches out slowly to grip your wrists, wrenching them apart. You flinch at the touch, the first reaction he’s seen. He hates that it seems to be causing you more anguish, but you were near to drawing blood. He holds your wrists firmly, continuing to speak. “Listen, Y/N. I can’t let you hurt yourself. But you’re safe. Once you’re back with me, I’ll let you go, but you need to listen to me. You’re safe here. You’re not in any danger.” His voice breaks slightly on the words. He’s dealt with dissociation and panic attacks before, of course, but knowing the circumstances of yours makes it so much harder.

The wavering in his voice is what finally draws you back to reality. You blink slowly, and the divot on the wall shrinks back to where it belongs. Sweets’s voice becomes clearer, and you realize the firm grip on your wrists is his, not your attackers’. A choked sob forces itself from your throat as you look down at your joined hands. Suddenly your breaths come in gasps as you realize how deprived of oxygen you are.

Sweets loosens his grip a bit, realizing that you’re back with him. “There, shh. I have you.” He rubs soothing circles on your wrists, subtly reaching for your pulse with two fingers. It’s rapid, but steady. “You’re safe, I’ve got you. Deep breaths now.” He does some exaggerated breaths, trying to meet your gaze. You still stare at his hands on your own, but it’s not with glassy eyes. He lets out his own quiet sigh of relief.

You try to school your breathing, mimicking his slow breaths. Eventually, with his soft words and gentle coaching, you manage to soothe yourself.

Sweets finally relinquishes his hold on your hands, staying crouched in front of you. “There we are. Keep taking those deep breaths.”

You meet his eyes unsteadily. “I’m sorry,” the words come out quiet and broken.

Sweets shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s perfectly reasonable to have such a reaction.”

You clasp your hands together in your lap, staring at the red lines that now adorn your wrists. You’ve never irritated your skin so much, and you feel embarrassed to have done so in front of this psychologist.

He tries to meet your gaze, attempting to draw your eyes from the injuries. “Let’s take a break, yeah? We can try again another day.” He offers you a small smile.

You nod. “I think… that would best.” You feel shaky and off-balance from the panic attack.

Sweets stands, being careful not to tower over you. He heads back to the fridge, retrieving a water bottle for you and a small packet of crackers. He sets them on the couch next to you before returning to his chair. He makes a point not to look at you, not wanting you to feel cornered or judged.

You take a slow sip from the water, all of a sudden feeling parched. You’re not sure what to say, not sure if you should leave now, or if you should stay. When you’re done drinking, you set the bottle down again and look at your lap.

Sweets clears his throat quietly and leans forward again. “Feel free to hang out here as long as you need. If you want to keep talking, I’m just going to be at my desk, okay?”

You nod, grateful that he won’t be staring at you. You don’t feel quite steady enough to get up and drive home yet, so you settle back into the couch, taking slow sips from the water and nibbling on small bits of cracker. Sweets taps away on his computer, occasionally glancing up at you to make sure you’re okay.

The panic attack left you feeling exhausted, and you’re trying hard not to fall asleep, but the couch is very comfortable, and you somehow feel safe here. Your head keeps lolling to the side and you have to shake yourself to stay awake. Sweets looks up and catches this at one point. He smiles to himself and calls to you gently. “Rest. It’s okay; you’re safe. Do you want a blanket?”

You fidget with your hands again, stifling a yawn. You’re too tired to even try to protest, so you nod your head. He stands and retrieves a fluffy blanket from a nearby closet, handing it to you. You thank him and wrap it around yourself, settling more comfortably into the couch as he walks back to the desk.

The next time Sweets looks up, you’re curled up on your side on the couch, breathing deeply with your eyes closed. He smiles again, feeling honored that you feel safe enough in his presence to sleep. He shoots a quick text to Booth letting him know that you’re ready to be picked up. Booth of course wants to know how the session went, but Sweets leaves him on read. You can tell him yourself, if you feel comfortable enough to do so.

Although Sweets didn’t manage to get you to open up as much as he’d have liked, he truly didn’t expect to. You’ve been through hell, and it’s going to take a long time to walk out of that. Still, he feels he’s made progress. You trust him, even if it’s just a small amount.

He has a feeling he’ll be seeing you again very soon.

[trustmypoison]

Calico - Act Three

Choi Y/N is pretty, smart, and funny and she knows it - mostly because she hears it all the time from all the men (read: victims) she dates. She’s about to get a taste of her own medicine. 

You can find the masterlist here. 

Calico has a sequel called LMLY, if you’re interested.

Genre: (a little) fluff, (quite a bit of) angst, smut, college au, heavily inspired by John Tucker Must Die

Pairing: Joshua x female reader (with mentions of Mingyu x female reader, Woozi x female reader, Seokmin x female reader, Jeonghan x female reader)

TW/CW: MDNI!!, contains smut with no protection mentioned (be safe please!!), mentions of alcohol, food, a whole lot of cyber bullying.

Word count: 8.6k

This is a repost of a previous fic I did. It was one of the first fics that I ever posted on here and I wish I had made some different choices aesthetically. The content will be the same, it will just be a little prettier and more readable.

The drive is quiet, mostly because no one knows what to say. It’s never been this quiet for the three of them, not in 22 years. Not even when it was supposed to be. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan aren’t talking. Two weeks ago, Seungcheol found Jeonghan on campus and just started swinging. Jeonghan ended up with a bloody nose before some of Seungcheol’s teammates nearby could drag Seungcheol off of him. Not as bad as it could have been, but it was a first. They’d never been in a fist fight before, not even as kids on the playground. They ended up in front of the Dean for it too. Thankfully, the Dean let it slide with a warning. 

Seungcheol is also not talking to Y/N, specifically because he hadn’t known she slept with Mingyu the night of their birthday party months ago. He’d thought he had a pretty close relationship with his twin sister, but he feels betrayed that he found some thing like that out on twitter of all places. 

Jeonghan and Y/N are talking, but barely. The tension is overwhelming. No matter how much they emphasize that they haven’t been sleeping together, no one seems to believe them. Without really discussing it, they decide some distance would be good. He’s insistent that he’s still her best friend for life and she’ll never be rid of him, though it doesn’t feel like it from the back seat of her and Seungcheol’s shared car. 

Y/N kind of feels like a ghost. She has for two weeks now. She barely took in anything to do with dead week or finals week. The normal stress of that time of the year doesn’t really register because she feels too numb. It’s kind of a blessing because if she can’t take much in, she doesn’t notice all the laughter and whispers that follow her around campus, at cheer practice, and in the sorority house. 

Just about the only person that gives her any sympathy is Wonwoo when she goes to return the loaner laptop before leaving for the break. He delicately asks how she’s doing and he seems like he really wants to know. His kindness doesn’t feel like something she deserves. She leaves before she cries in front of him again. 

Tonight is the dinner at her father’s house. Jeonghan is always invited and is still coming despite whatever is going on with the three of them. When they got in the car, the only thing they really said to each other is that they didn’t want to involve their parents in this mess. So they had to pretend like everything was fine, if only for one dinner. 

The mansion is cold when the three of them arrive. Their bags are still in the car because they aren’t staying here. Y/N is relieved by that small blessing. She can’t wait to be in her old bedroom in her mom’s small cozy apartment in a matter of hours. 

Nari greets them with a smile that is totally fake. She’s wearing a little black dress and heels under her apron. Y/N guesses she’s taken on the role of housewife since leaving her position as secretary at the company. It sounded like it didn’t look good for her to be married to the boss, preferential treatment and all. 

Nari sends them to the sitting room. It’s cold in there too and not a blanket in sight over the back of the couch or in a bin in the corner. Jeonghan silently takes off his wooly cardigan and hands it to her, ignoring Seungcheol’s glare. He’s been doing that anytime he sees the two of them interact. 

Nari comes out with a tray of drinks, handing them around. Y/N takes a single sip of the drink and puts it down. There’s no grenadine in hers while the boys’ drinks are a light pink because of it. She knows it’s a calculated jab to not give her something everyone else gets but Y/N refuses to give Nari the satisfaction of a reaction. 

“Where’s Appa tonight?” Seungcheol asks politely. Everything is formal with Nari, just as it’s always been with their father too. 

Nari smiles and it’s so sickly sweet that Y/N has to look away. “He called and said he was running late at the office. Should be here anytime. Excuse me, I need to go check the roast. The chef is on vacation.” She says it snidely, like the chef doesn’t deserve a vacation, but the three of them say nothing. Once she’s out of the room, Jeonghan switches drinks with Y/N, taking the non-grenadine one. He, again, pointedly ignores Seungcheol’s glare.

Y/N is still cold at dinner where she picks at her food. Her father has barely glanced at her the whole time. He’s worried about how Seungcheol’s team is going to do this year and how Jeonghan’s applications to the internship at his company’s office near the university have gone. He promises to put in a good word for Jeonghan. 

Reluctantly, her father looks down his nose at Y/N. “And how was your semester?”

“It went well,” Y/N said, feeling a little bit like she was in a job interview. “I got straight As. The sorority and cheer team are doing well too.” She could talk about the fundraisers and volunteer events the sorority did, or how she learned a new stunt for a routine, but she knows by now he doesn’t really care. He’d always looked at her with such disinterest, even as a child.

Her father pretends to look pleased. “Good to hear. We need a Dr. Choi in the family. Can’t let those grades slip.” Y/N just nods in agreement. “By the way, did you get the replacement laptop I sent?” 

“I did. Thank you for sending it so quickly. I apologize that I didn’t send you a message when I got it, but I had a lot to catch up on, what with a broken laptop.” The words burn in her throat. She doesn’t want to thank him. She doesn’t want anything from him. She wants her mom. 

“Of course, but you should really be more careful, Y/N. Don’t be so reckless with your belongings,” he scolds. Y/N doesn’t miss how pleased Nari is with the lecture. Y/N remembers when Nari sent her to boarding school for part of semester in high school. Seungcheol hadn’t been sent away since he was supposed to be a starter on the basketball team. Their mother had to drive to the boarding school and pull her out after Y/N cried on the phone one too many times. Nari didn’t look happy when she showed up on the doorstep with her suitcase again.

“Yes sir,” Y/N answers meekly, if only to avoid anymore conversation. Seungcheol and Jeonghan both clench their jaws across the table. 

After an agonizing couple hours, Seungcheol makes the excuse that they should get going. They still have to drop Jeonghan off and get home to their mother’s apartment across town. 

In the car, neither boys say anything as Y/N cries in the backseat. This dinner was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jeonghan ignores Seungcheol’s looks in the rearview mirror because he refused to sit in the front seat, sliding into the back with her to hold her hand. 

The break flies by only because Y/N wishes it wouldn’t. She’d like to stay in her warm bed in her mom’s warm apartment for the rest of her life. She surprises herself by even considering not going back, but she knows she’d never hear the end of it. After all, she has one semester left. Then she can pick anywhere for medical school, given that she gets accepted. 

Her mother is clearly worried, and Y/N feels so guilty for it. Her mother has been a nurse for over 20 years. She works hard and she works long, weird hours. She always has in order to make it work for the twins. So Y/N tries to slap a smile on her face when she’s out of her room if only to keep her from worrying, particularly when she’s just come home from an overnight shift. 

But it seems it doesn’t matter because her mother still knocks on her door the night before they’re scheduled to drive back to school. Y/N is packing after doing some laundry and she slaps that fake smile on her face when her mother sits cross legged on her bed. “Are you sure you have to go? You could just move back in for good. Just don’t tell your brother,” her mother teases. 

This does bring a little bit of a genuine smile to Y/N’s face. “I would love to, but I’m so close to being done.” 

“I know, baby, and I’m so proud of you.” Her mother stopped and stared for a second. Finally, she sighs. “You know, I had a really bad semester at nursing school. Even had to switch schools because of it.”

Y/N isn’t sure how she knows that the semester was bad because she hadn’t said anything. But there’s no point in denying it. She’s been moping for weeks now. “Really? What happened?”

“Some mean girls,” her mother shrugs. “They’re everywhere, but they were more tolerable at the second school.”

Y/N continues folding clothes if only to keep busy. “What if I’m the mean girl?” 

“What do you mean, baby?” 

It had been weighing on Y/N’s mind. Something about the post a couple weeks before finals had made things painfully obvious to her. She hadn’t realized how it looked to others while she was chasing and looking for the right guy. She didn’t realize how many feelings she’d hurt on that chase. She eventually deleted her twitter account and locked down all of her other socials to avoid finding out how anyone else really felt about her. 

“I think I’ve hurt some feelings with my dating habits. I didn’t mean anything by it… but I did.” 

Her mother is quiet for a moment, before waving her over. There’s something so comforting about curling up into her mother’s side. “I’ll tell you what I think, okay?” Y/N nods into her shoulder. “You have so much love to give. You always have, you and Seungcheol both. And you really want to be with someone to share that. But maybe it’s okay if you keep it to yourself sometimes.” Her mother’s head plops down on top of Y/N’s. “You know, I was always afraid the divorce would affect you two. It’s why I stayed until I just couldn’t anymore. But now I see how you might be chasing after the validation you didn’t see in mine and your father’s relationship. And you don’t need it, okay? Take care of yourself first.”

Y/N is tearful and this is all too serious, so she has to crack a joke. “I think you’re spending too much time covering shifts in the psych ward. You sound like a shrink.”

Y/N’s mother laughs loudly. “Oh, I know. They’re keeping me on that rotation because I’m so good. Come on. Let’s finish packing this and then we’ll make some cookies for you to take with you tomorrow.”

Mingyu is pissed. He has been for days. Specifically, because a couple days before he was due to come back from break, the twitter account mysteriously disappears. So does any trace of it. No one has screenshots and the document they’d drafted of the exposé is gone too. All that’s left is anything they compiled for the final project. 

Seungkwan says he didn’t do anything with the twitter account and Mingyu believes him because his texts sound panicked. As Seungkwan is lamenting over the years he’s spent building up that account, Mingyu develops a theory. When he calls Wonwoo multiple times without receiving an answer, he considers it evidence. 

So when Mingyu arrives back at his apartment, he’s seething. Wonwoo looks totally unfazed where he lays on the couch with a book as Mingyu all but throws down his suitcase. “What the fuck did you do?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Wonwoo sounds bored. He doesn’t even look up from his book. 

“The twitter account, you asshole!”

“Oh, that? I hacked it and deleted it.” Wonwoo says this so casually that it almost makes Mingyu’s brain explode. 

“Why would you do that?! You know how hard we worked on that.” Mingyu thinks he might hit Wonwoo. “Months of work and now we have nothing to show for it. And years of work for Seungkwan.”

“That’s too bad,” Wonwoo says without an ounce of sympathy. 

Mingyu is fast approaching the bargaining phase. He plops down on the couch next to Wonwoo. “I thought you said you couldn’t do it anyway. What happened?”

Wonwoo gives him a blank look. “Oh, I’ve spent months on it, but I was finally able to do it over the break. It wasn’t easy, but it was very satisfying to click confirm on that little pop up.”

Mingyu stammers, at a total loss of words. Eventually, he’s pleading. “Why, Wonwoo? That was the basis of our whole project.” 

“And your project is done. I saw the document you guys turned in.” Wonwoo’s voice is turning icy. “What? It wasn’t enough for you to get a little revenge and an A+? Now you want to go back and relive it?”

“Why are you acting like this? You don’t even like her!” Mingyu cried. 

“I like her a hell of a lot more than I like any of you guys right now. I don’t even recognize you anymore, Mingyu.” It’s Wonwoo’s turn to be mad. He slams the book closed, throwing it down on the coffee table. “You tore her apart and then kept that account up to let everyone else keep tearing her apart. Do you feel better now? Does that help you get over the three dates you took her on? Are you seeing how you guys overreacted now?”

“She had it coming,” Mingyu argued but he was losing heat. Wonwoo rarely lectured him like this. 

“You destroyed her. I’ll be surprised if she even comes back,” Wonwoo snapped, standing up to pace. “I asked her if she was okay when she turned in the loaner laptop and she looked like she could cry on the spot. Whatever vengeance you got, I hope you enjoyed it because you don’t get anymore if it touches a computer or phone. I’ll hack every single device you guys have to make sure of it.”

Mingyu has deflated, totally stunned. “Why are you defending her? I don’t understand this at all.”

“I’m defending her because it seems like literally no one else is. I’m sure you know the damage that you’ve caused.” When Mingyu gives him a blank look, Wonwoo snaps again. “Let me refresh your memory. I heard she’s the laughing stock of the sorority and cheer team. She’s deleted her twitter account because there were hundreds of people tagging her in comments. And last I heard Seungcheol and Jeonghan fought.”

Mingyu had heard that. It makes news in the locker room when your captain gets into a fist fight and is sent to the Dean’s office. The coach wasn’t happy. “I can’t help that,” Mingyu insisted. “Besides, that was probably a long time coming. Joshua said Y/N had been sleeping with Jeonghan the whole time.”

“And that’s another thing! They’re both firmly denying that.”

Mingyu rolls his eyes because he can’t help it. “And you believe that? How do you know all of this anyway? Everyone’s been gone for break.”

“You know, I do believe it actually, especially since she didn’t bother denying anything else you guys wrote. And let’s just say some other accounts have been cleaned up as well.” Wonwoo picks up his book. “I’m leaving. I mean it though. You guys are done.”

Wonwoo’s disappointment is clear and leaves Mingyu feeling conflicted. But the thing is, the project’s over and the twitter account is gone. Mingyu decides it’s time to move on. 

Joshua can feel eyes on him, but this time he knows who it is. Minghao has been doing a lot of staring lately. Neither had anywhere to go during the break, but they saw very little of each other. It seems Minghao is upset with him, and Joshua hasn’t asked yet. 

But it’s starting to drive him crazy, because he really wants to enjoy his night off and watch some TV. When he glances at Minghao, his roommate is peering over his laptop. Joshua raises an eyebrow. “What?”

Minghao continues to stare, before finally saying, “Nothing.”

Joshua scoffs. “If you have something to say, just say it. You’ve been like this all break.”

Minghao purses his lips. “Nothing, really. I just thought you were nicer, is all.”

“Nicer? What do you mean?” Joshua prided himself on being polite, a gentleman even. 

“I mean the twitter account.” Joshua must looked surprised, because Minghao rolls his eyes. “Yes, even I have twitter. And even if I didn’t it would have been impossible to miss. I just don’t understand how you got involved in all that. Or why.”

“She deserved it,” Joshua mumbled. He didn’t really have another excuse anymore. He’d deleted the app to keep from looking at it because it was kind of like watching a car crash. 

“I beg to differ.”

Minghao’s statement makes Joshua’s jaw drop as he sits up. “What do you mean? You were the first one to tell me what she was like.”

“Yeah, I get it. Play the player and all. But you and whoever you were working with took it to the extreme,” Minghao said seriously. “I mean, there are some nasty things being written about her.” 

“So?” 

Minghao blinks a few times. “Fine, be that way. Leave me alone, though.” Joshua watched as Minghao slid headphones on and turned away. 

Y/N has never been what you would call a recluse. She liked to be around people, always had, but she finds she can’t when she returns to campus. She hides out in her room at the sorority house most of the time, even avoiding her housemates. Some are mean and others are pitying, but Y/N doesn’t care for either of those things, so she waits until everyone has left or is in bed before she comes out for things like food or laundry. 

She’s taken to spending a lot of time in bed. Not scrolling, not watching TV, not even reading. She’s staring at that same spot on the wall when there’s a knock on her bedroom door. It opens and Seungcheol comes in. They haven’t really talked much outside of the necessities of traveling together so she sits up in bed, surprised. He doesn’t really acknowledge her as he puts the bags he’s carrying down onto her desk. She watches as he unpacks a couple orders of her favorite sushi. When he hands them to her with a pair of chopsticks, her eyes water a bit. 

She doesn’t dig in right away, waiting for him to get his stuff and sit next to her on the bed. He doesn’t crack open his food either. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. 

Y/N shakes her head. “No, I’m sorry. I made such a mess without even realizing it.”

“Maybe a little,” Seungcheol chuckles. “But you’re still my sister and I’m sorry that I didn’t just come talk to you about it. And I’m sorry I haven’t really helped you out any lately. I know you’ve had a hard time with all this.”

Y/N sighs, putting her food to the side. She leans into Seungcheol. “Maybe I deserved it. All the pranks. The twitter account. I didn’t even realize how bad it all looked until I read it along with everyone else.”

She feels Seungcheol shake his head. “No. They don’t understand it.” She doesn’t have to ask what he’s referring to because she knows it’s about their father and the divorce. Seungcheol had once jokingly said the whole thing had given her a complex, but maybe it wasn’t much of a joke. “And anyway, that whole thing with Joshua reeked. I wish I’d pressed you more to end it with him because it’s totally unfair that it was a set up.”

Y/N frowns. She’d tried not to think much of Joshua lately because it would do no good. She hadn’t heard from him and she didn’t expect to, so she hadn’t reached out either. “I should have known it was too good to be true.” 

“Maybe, but it’ll work out with someone someday.” Seungcheol sounds like he means that. After a beat, he asks, “So you and Jeonghan? How long has that been going on?”

“It hasn’t been. We lost our virginity to each other when we were 16. That’s it.”

“That’s it?” Seungcheol sounds surprised. 

“Yeah, I promise. It rarely comes up anymore. I’m not even sure how that rumor got started recently,” Y/N sags into Seungcheol’s side. That was something that hadn’t gone back to normal yet. She was used to seeing Jeonghan all the time, maybe more than she saw her twin, but they didn’t really know how to be around each other lately. 

“Do you wish it would come up? The idea of you and him, I mean?” 

Y/N is surprised by the question, only because she remembers hearing about their fight. “Do you really want to know the answer to that question?” Seungcheol nods. Y/N bites her lip. “Sometimes. I wished it would have back then, but we were so lucky we didn’t ruin our friendship at 16. Not that it matters now, even if I did want it to come up.”

“He misses you too, don’t worry,” Seungcheol says easily. 

“Have you guys made up?” Y/N’s head pops up, relief in her eyes. 

“Yeah, I interrogated him this morning,” Seungcheol smiles and there’s a flash of something mischievous before it clears and he’s serious again. “I told him to come see you but he’s working up the courage. He wishes he could have shielded you from all of this.” Y/N frowns at Seungcheol’s explanation, but he doesn’t let her press him for anything. “And for the record, I’d be okay with it if you two did have something going on. I’d just like to know about it. Don’t keep secrets from me anymore.”

Seungcheol places her food back in her lap and with a tone of finality, he insists, “Eat. That place is expensive.”

Y/N does, feeling a little bit lighter. 

The next day, she decides that she’s not going to wait for Jeonghan to come see her. He’s been her best friend for over 20 years and this is getting fixed today. Seungcheol is out when she knocks on their apartment door. Jeonghan looks like he just woke up but his eyes widen when he sees her. “Surprise,” Y/N sings lamely, holding a bag from their favorite bakery. 

Nevertheless, Jeonghan smiles and lets her in. They sit together on the floor next to the coffee table. As kids, they didn’t care to sit at the table or even on the couch, and it was a habit they still had occasionally if only for nostalgia.

Jeonghan would normally inhale the cake that she’s just given him but he eats slowly today. Y/N picks at her own slice. “I’m sorry you got roped into all of this.” 

He looks at her for a long time and she’s beginning to worry that he’ll kick her out. But eventually he shakes his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong in my book, so there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Others would disagree with you,” Y/N says bitterly, putting her cake down on the coffee table and pulling her knees up to her chest. Laying her chin on her knees, she looks at him. She can’t imagine not fixing this with him, but it’s up to her to apologize and it’s up to him to decide if he still wants to be friends. “I don’t even know how that rumor started. It makes you look bad too, since you’ve been dating as well. So I’m still sorry.”

Jeonghan looks so stubborn now. She knows the look well. It’s the same one he gives when someone tells him to do something he doesn’t want to do, like doing chores or homework. “No. I don’t accept your apology because it’s not needed.”

Tears prick Y/N’s eyes. “Let me apologize,” she pleads. “You should be saying ‘I told you so’ anyway. You’ve been telling me for years to be more careful.”

“You’re misunderstanding, Y/N,” Jeonghan lets out in exasperation. “I never told you to be careful because of how it looked. I know your intentions were never bad. And I never imagined anyone would do anything so… cruel in response to it.” He looks back down to his cake, picking some of the frosting off with the fork. “I only told you to be careful because I didn’t like seeing you get let down over and over again. And I’m certain there’s no one who deserves you so it happens all the time.”

Y/N stares at him while he still picks the frosting off his cake. “Do you really feel that way? Not even you?” There’s a tinge of a joke, but she really wonders.

Jeonghan chuckles, some light returning to his eyes. “Not even me, and I’m flawless.” This earns a laugh from Y/N but then things get quiet. “Of course, I feel that way. Whoever you do end up with one day will be really lucky.”

There are so many things Y/N wants to say, but finally, she lands on, “I feel the same about you. I’ve been telling you for years that you’re total husband material.” 

Jeonghan laughs again. “And who made me learn all that? You hold your best friend to high standards,” he teases. “Now, can we go back to normal? I missed you.”

Y/N grinned. “I missed you too, Hannie. But did you really think I was leaving here without things going back to normal? You’ll never be rid of me, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.” Jeonghan shoves her by the shoulder and she loses balance, laying flat on the floor. 

“Don’t make me kick you out. Now, eat your cake or I will.”

Joshua walks into the hospital with a minute to spare. It’s his first day at his internship and he’s really looking forward to it. He goes to the front desk and finds out where he’s supposed to be - to which the answer is the 3rd floor. This is one of the regular units, specifically not the ER or the ICU. As soon as he steps out of the elevator, he bites back a groan. 

Somehow, he’d forgotten that Y/N would be here. And even if she was, he kind of assumed they’d never have to run into each other because they’re interns in different departments. But sure enough, Y/N is standing there with the charge nurse that Joshua was told to find. 

Both women turn to him as he approaches. “Joshua, right?” The charge nurse, Eunji, asks and when Joshua nods, she smiles. “Good! And both of you are on time too. Joshua, have you met Y/N before?”

Joshua looks at Y/N, who doesn’t so much as glance at him now. Evenly, she says, “Yes, we’ve shared some classes.” Her tone has none of the usual sparkle to it, and he’s not sure if it’s because she’s trying to be professional or if it’s because he’s here standing next to her. 

“Great! Well, unfortunately, I don’t have anything exciting for you guys,” Eunji looks apologetic. “We need to do inventory today, and the tech that would normally do it during this shift is out.” Eunji hands both of them clipboards and pens, before leading them to a supply closet. The bare overhead light is not very bright and most of the corners are still dark. “Sorry it’s so dingy in here… Anyway, it’s pretty straightforward. For each line item, do a count and write it down. Split it however you’d like and if you have any questions I’ll be around.”

With that Eunji closes the door behind her, leaving Y/N and Joshua alone. They haven’t seen each other since that Sunday in her bedroom, outside of a couple classes they shared. Joshua feels awkward when Y/N turns to one of the shelves and starts without another word. He doesn’t know why but the silence kills him for the next hour. He has to recount rolls of gauze and boxes of bandaids a few times before he thinks he got it right. 

He’s in the middle of his third count of boxes of alcohol swabs when he hears a grunt behind him. When he turns, he sees Y/N on her tiptoes, trying to reach the top shelf. Without thinking, he comes up behind her, grabbing the bin that she needs and handing it to her. She barely glances up at him when she mumbles a quick, ‘thanks’, before turning to the table in the corner to count the contents of the bin. 

Joshua doesn’t know why he’s staring. Doesn’t know why he thinks she looks cute in hot pink scrubs and a ponytail. Doesn’t know why he likes how concentrated she looks. It burns him up inside that he wants to talk to her when he couldn’t wait to be rid of her last semester. 

Impulsively, Joshua says, “Are you okay?”

She doesn’t look up from the bin. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

“It’s just, we haven’t talked since…” He trails off when he sees the tension building in her shoulders. 

She looks up at him with confusion all over her face. “Joshua, I don’t mean to sound like a smart ass, but what would there be to talk about? That tweet was pretty clear about where we stood.”

“So? You have nothing to say?” Joshua’s blood starts to boil.

“What is there to say? No one wants to hear it anyway,” Y/N says with a bit of bitterness.

“A lot of people want to hear an apology,” Joshua seethed. “You’ve fucked with a lot of people.”

“Yeah. I know how to read twitter comments, Joshua,” Y/N snapped, throwing things back into the bin haphazardly to turn to him fully. “Are you happy? I don’t even know what I did to you. Other guys, fine. I’m not great to date, I get it now. The comments made it crystal clear. But I did absolutely nothing to you.”

“Absolutely nothing? What about sleeping with your best friend while you were seeing me?” 

Y/N throws her hands over her face in exasperation. “When we were 16! Not once since then. I’m so sick of explaining this.”

Joshua freezes. “What? But I heard you guys talking about it.” He watches realization wash over her face. 

“Oh my god,” she groans into her hands again. “You’re telling me you spread a rumor like that because you eavesdropped on a snippet of a conversation that you had no context for?” Joshua’s silence must be answer enough because she barrels on. “We did what stupid teenagers do and wanted to lose our virginities to someone we trusted. And if you had waited five fucking seconds, you would have heard him say that he was happy things were going well with us.” She laughs, but it’s not right because it sounds a little watery. “I really liked you, Joshua. I don’t know what I did to deserve all this. And I don’t give a fuck about the mean girls on the cheer team or in the sorority, or the gross guys on the basketball team, or anyone else on campus for that matter. But you almost wrecked the two relationships that I’ve had for my entire life.”

“You deserve it because I’ve met girls like you,” Joshua bit. “You just have to smile and you get handed whatever you want. You play with people like toys until you get bored.”

“Well, I didn’t get what I wanted, now did I?” Now she’s crying but she looks furious. “You saw to that, did you? All I wanted was for it to finally feel right with someone, and when it did it was all a trick.”

Joshua scoffs. “Like it’ll take you long to move on.”

Y/N’s chin wobbles in the dim lighting and there’s a pang in Joshua’s chest at the sight. “Oh no. I’ll be swearing off dating from now on. No one will have anymore reasons to fuel their stupid pranks or trap dates or twitter accounts.” Joshua freezes again and Y/N is on a roll now. “You didn’t think I would figure out who was behind all of that? It’s a little too convenient that you’ve been hanging out with just about everyone mentioned in that stupid tweet. Do you guys feel like you’ve gotten your revenge now? I considered dropping out over all of this. Would that have made you guys happy to never see me again?”

Joshua stumbles over his words. He didn’t expect her to piece everything together, and he really didn’t expect that she considered not coming back to finish her degree. She was a good student and seemed so invested in her future. But it doesn’t matter what he has to say because she’s shoving the clipboard into his chest hard as she passes by him. “You finish the rest. I can’t fucking reach it anyway.” 

The door slams behind her and he looks around the supply closet for help understanding what just happened. He feels guilty now in a way he hadn’t throughout this whole experiment. He’d felt that he had no choice but to transfer after the embarrassment that was the end of his relationship with Lily, and now he’d just made someone feel the same way. But she was brave enough to come back while he ran across the world with his tail between his legs.

When he finally snaps back to attention, it takes him way more than three counts to get each line item right. 

Two months have passed and things are looking up for Y/N. She, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan are glued to each other again just like it’s meant to be. What few classes she has to take are going well. And she’s getting used to the way things are with other people around campus. Once she got over the initial shock and subsequent depression at the whole situation, she decided not to acknowledge it anymore. She didn’t entertain the conversation with her sorority sisters or teammates when they asked if she was seeing someone. She was getting really good at shutting out anyone that asked her out, which seemed to be just as frequent as it was before. She used to enjoy the attention, but now she just saw a bunch of red flags. 

Her escape had become her internship. After the first day, Joshua was working in another unit so she didn’t have to see him. As promised when she was offered the internship, she would be shadowing in the ER. It was mostly triaging or assisting the non-critical cases, and she didn't even get to do the fun stuff. Mostly, she would call patients back and gather their history under the supervision of an RN. Then she might escort them to a room when one became available. The exciting days were when she could assist with treatments, but it was mostly handing the doctor or nurse things and holding the patient’s hand while she talked their ear off to distract them. 

Today was a triage shift and it was almost over when the nurse from the front desk gave her a new clip board and walked away. Y/N sees the name on the sheet and smacks her forehead with the clipboard hard. Then, resigned, she goes to the lobby. 

“Lee Seokmin.” 

He hobbles into the triage station with another guy holding him up on one side. She can tell he’s surprised to see her, but she doesn’t react to it. “Have a seat,” she said, pointing. She also drags over two more chairs so he can prop up his foot and his friend can sit down. “I’m Y/N and this is Yunseo.” Yunseo waved from the other side of the computer. “Yunseo is the RN for triage today, but since I’m an intern, she’s letting me take some of your medical history. Injured foot, huh?” She says neutrally. 

“Ankle I think… Y/N, this is my friend Junhui.”

Y/N gives Junhui a polite smile, but she can tell by his reaction to her name that he knows quite a bit about what’s been going on last semester. “What happened?” She asks Seokmin. 

“We were rehearsing and I tripped,” Seokmin sighs. 

“Can I take a look? I have to make sure it isn’t critical. If it is, I need to hand it off to Yunseo right now.” Seokmin doesn’t hesitate to roll up the leg of his jeans. His ankle is swollen and starting to develop a nasty bruise. Y/N hums sympathetically, and Yunseo nods encouragingly to her to continue. This is how Y/N knows she’s right to assume it’s not critical. “I’m sorry, that’s rough.” She backs away from Seokmin. “Well, unfortunately there’s not much to do until a doctor can see you besides icing your ankle and taking information for your records.” When Seokmin nods, Y/N zips out of the room.

She wants to linger at the ice machine for a breather, but today’s charge nurse is in the break room taking lunch. So, Y/N works quickly to get the bag of ice and returns to Seokmin and Junhui. Once the ice is on Seokmin’s ankle, Y/N plops down in front of the computer. It’s both a blessing and a curse that these questionnaires are so long. On one hand, there’s not a lot of time for them to talk about anything else when she’s peppering him with questions one after another. On the other hand, it feels like it takes an eternity to get through it. She tries to focus on the fact that this is good experience with Yunseo over her shoulder pointing out certain things.

Y/N feels like she’s so close to freedom after she’s rolled Seokmin in a wheelchair to an exam room while Yunseo calls the next patient to get started. “Someone will be in to see you shortly, but call if you need anything,” she says professionally. Her hand is on the knob to pull it closed behind her when Seokmin speaks up. 

“Y/N? I’m sorry.” 

She pauses and she can’t help but frown at him. He does look sorry actually, guilt all over his face. Junhui must sense where this is going, so he asks where the vending machine is and excuses himself. Y/N is still standing in the doorway, arms crossed now. “Sorry for what?”

“For the experiment. The pranks. Joshua. The twitter account.”

Y/N blinks at him because she’s not sure what else to do. “Experiment?”

“It all started as a psych experiment - conformity on social media. But it got out of control… and that sounds really stupid when I say it out loud.” Seokmin rubs the back of his neck. 

“Yeah, it does,” Y/N murmured. She looks around the pristine exam room because she can’t really look at him. She’d just started to feel better from all of this, but now she’s learning of a whole other layer to it. Her misery lately is a result of a class assignment made of questionable ethics. She’d really like to forget about all of it. “I guess I owe you an apology too. I didn’t mean anything by cutting things off, and I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted more.”

“You didn’t,” Seokmin insists and she looks at him in confusion. “I thought maybe you led me on. I was upset at how things had gone with us. That’s the whole reason I agreed to any of this in the first place. But the longer I think about it, you were pretty honest about how you felt. You shouldn’t have to apologize because I got my hopes up.”

“You’re not the only one though. That twitter account kind of makes it seem like it’s a habit of mine.”

“Yeah… that got really out of control. I’m sorry you had to see any of it. But if it makes you feel any better, it was hacked and deleted.” 

Y/N found herself laughing. “Hacked? Who did that?”

Seokmin looks amused. “Let’s just say you have a very talented friend looking out for you. He shut down that dating app because of you too.” Y/N’s eyes widen. 

“Man, you guys were serious about this revenge.” 

She watches Seokmin relax because she’s laughing again and he finally laughs too. “Yeah, like I said. Out of control. I’ve been trying to convince them to apologize. I think Mingyu, Jihoon, and Seungkwan will come around… I’m not sure about Joshua.”

“Seungkwan? Boo Seungkwan?”

Seokmin nods. “He ran the twitter account.”

“Ah,” Y/N sighs. “Well, you might be right about Joshua. He’s interning here too, and that’s going about as well as you would expect.”

“Total avoidance, huh?” When Y/N raises an eyebrow, he shakes his head. “We haven’t seen or heard much from him either.”

Junhui’s hovering outside of the door with a pack of cookies and a loud crunch gives him away. It makes Y/N laugh. “You can come back in. I’m leaving for real this time.” 

A couple hours later, she waves to Seokmin and Junhui as she leaves. It’s kind of a relief to know that someone involved feels a little bad, but she thinks he’s probably wrong. She won’t be getting an apology from any of the others. 

“You want me to do what?” Wonwoo asks. He thinks he’s heard the request wrong and he’s confused. 

“Bring the twitter account back,” Seungkwan requests again. 

Wonwoo sighs and nods. “Ah, that’s what I thought you said. Two questions, are you stupid and do you know what the word ‘deleted’ means?”

Seungkwan is totally unfazed by the insult. “It’s for another project. You can’t restore it?”

Wonwoo can’t help but glance around the table. The whole crew is back together and he was kind of hoping that would never happen again. It had been a disaster last semester. He finally pins Mingyu with a look. “I told you that you guys would not get a technical method to do this again.” 

“It’s not what you think. We probably should have led with that,” Mingyu puts his hands up in defense. 

“Then what is it? I deleted it for a reason. Nothing on there should have seen the light of day, especially near the end,” Wonwoo says impatiently. He wants nothing more than to be rid of these little requests because he doesn’t trust any of them as far as he can throw them. 

“We need the reach to issue an apology,” Jihoon says simply. “We can’t do that with a brand new account.”

“An apology?” Wonwoo’s laugh gets caught in his throat because he never thought he’d hear something like this considering how evil they were last semester. “This should be good. Tell me more.”

“We’ve been talking,” Seokmin started. “We got carried away and we’d like to reel this back in if we can.”

“There’s not a lot of reeling back in you can do,” Wonwoo scoffs. “The damage is done. Now you guys get to feel guilty about it.”

“Yeah, that’s why we’d like to issue an apology,” Mingyu says. “So can you restore it or not?”

“No! The warning message says ‘permanently deleted’ for a reason.” Wonwoo lies through his teeth. He’s not going to tell him he didn’t hit delete. Instead, he’d changed the email attached to the account and hit ‘deactivate’. “Besides, an in-person apology will probably go much farther. If you’re apologizing to the person I think you’re apologizing to, she doesn’t even have a twitter account anymore to see it.” 

“I don’t think she’d want to see us,” Jihoon huffed. “Which is fair, I guess.”

Seokmin shrugs. “I don’t know, she wasn’t mean to me or anything when I was in the ER last week.”

Joshua has been silent the whole time. Wonwoo’s not sure why he’s even here because he might have been the cruelest of them all and hadn’t seemed to regret any of it. Wonwoo stares him down. “Are you part of this apology too?” He watches Joshua hesitate for a moment, then nod. 

Wonwoo purses his lips. “I can’t promise anything. They might really mean ‘permanently deleted’ when they say it.” He lies through his teeth again. He needs some time to think about it before he hands the account back to any of them. He glares at Seungkwan. “But I’ll be doing some major clean up if I can actually restore it.”

Seungkwan nods eagerly. “I would have done it anyway, but have at it. You’ll probably be faster at it anyway.”

“Great. But how do we make sure she sees it?” Mingyu asks. 

Something catches Joshua’s eye and suddenly he’s jumping out of his seat. 

If Joshua had to describe Seungcheol and Jeonghan in one word, he would say overprotective. He got that vibe at the dinner and movie triple date he met them at. He’s definitely getting that vibe now. In fact, he thinks they might leap over the table at any of them. Maybe Joshua first though with the dirty looks he’s getting.

Joshua has to talk fast to get them to agree to even sit down with the group at the table. Jeonghan even sets a timer for five minutes passive aggressively. 

They explain everything, starting from the psych experiment, to the dating app, the pranks,, the twitter account, and Joshua. Seungcheol and Jeonghan look totally unimpressed. Joshua gets that because it all sounds so fucking stupid now that they have to explain it.

“And you think an apology will fix this?” Seungcheol asks coldly. 

“We’d like to try,” Mingyu says weakly. He’s been feeling Seungcheol’s wrath for two months now. He doesn’t want to run anymore laps or do anymore pushups. 

“It better be a damn good one then. You know she almost didn’t come back to school?” Seungcheol snapped. 

“Yeah, we heard that,” Jihoon said, glancing at Joshua. “Look, we would approach her if we thought she would hear us out. But we’ve made a mess of this to everyone else that followed that stupid account and we need to correct this with them too.”

“I thought it got deleted?” Jeonghan asks, eyes narrowed. 

“That’s why he’s here,” Mingyu says, pointing to Wonwoo. Wonwoo waves him off with a simple ‘don’t talk to me’. “He’s going to try to recover the account. The problem is that we’d also like her to see it.”

Jeonghan scoffs, a bitter smile on his face. “Yeah, good luck getting her back on there.” 

“That’s what we’d like your help with actually,” Joshua started. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan share a look. The timer goes off on Jeonghan’s phone, but they stay anyway. 

It’s Saturday morning and Y/N is busy hosting a sorority house meeting. The president and vice president have been away at a conference and won’t make it back in time to run the meeting themselves, and as the treasurer the duty falls to her. Her phone has been buzzing in her pocket the whole time and she keeps ignoring it. She’s thinking it’s Jeonghan blowing up her phone because he’s bored, something he likes to do when she’s inconveniently busy. She has no problem making him wait for a bit. 

But it’s becoming apparent that something exciting is happening what with the way all of her sorority sisters will not focus on anything she’s saying. It’s starting to get frustrating and when Y/N can’t take it anymore, she bangs the gavel as a call to order. “Okay, what’s going on? I’m trying to run a meeting here.”

A young sophomore named Ara hesitantly stood up, but she was smiling when she handed over her phone. “You might want to read this, Y/N.”

Y/N didn’t have to skim long before she mumbled, “Meeting adjourned. Have a good day, ladies.”

Did you miss us? Yes - us. 

I started this account a little over two years ago and have always enjoyed interacting with all of you. But if you’ve been a follower for a while, you may have noticed a shift in the tone of this account. You won’t find any evidence of that here now, but… if you know, you know.

That’s because this became a team project last semester. I’ll be honest. It was a revenge plot and as we look back on this plot of ours, we’re embarrassed. We all got carried away, some because of hurt feelings and some because of a desire to run a successful account with a thirst for drama.

So, here it goes. We built a dating app, the one that was posted on here a while back. It was used to make a match with someone that had the same kind of vendetta some of us had against Choi Y/N. 

While we waited for this app to be ready, we began pranking Y/N. At first, we thought it was harmless, but things escalated quickly. (Y/N, we still owe you a new laptop.)

When the dating app was ready, Joshua joined us with the goal of giving Y/N what we perceived to be a taste of her own medicine. We were cruel. Particularly near the end of the semester with our little exposé. 

We owe Choi Y/N an apology. A big one that we’ll probably never convince her that we mean honestly. For the pranks. For Joshua. For the way this account was used. For nearly ruining over 20 years of friendship between her and Yoon Jeonghan on a baseless rumor, and damaging the relationship between her and her twin brother, Choi Seungcheol. 

Y/N, if you’re reading this (and we hope you are), we’d like to start making this up to you. Reach out if you’re interested. 

Seungkwan, Mingyu, Jihoon, Seokmin, and Joshua

[yangbbokari]

Skz As Toxic Cheating Men

Pairing: OT8/skz x fem!reader A.N.: Don't ask this just randomly came to mind

CHAN - Who'll make you believe that he's so kind-hearted but will do an entire 180 when he gets you where he wants you - Who'll victim blame all the time - "But, Baby... If you would have loved me more I wouldn't seek for it in other people." - Who'll coax you into forgiving him, which you do, and the cycle begins

MINHO - Who won't hesitate cheating on you from the start - You could be the other woman and wouldn't know - Who begs for you back and you forgive him each and every single time - Who your family doesn't approve of but they don't even know what's good for you, right? - (Or at least that's what Min told you) - Who makes sure you don't find out about the fling he's having with one of your friends right now - "Don't worry about her, baby. You're all I want."

CHANGBIN - Who is the most manipulative type - Who won't allow you to meet other people and you must be with him all the time - Who doesn't allow you to have any social media when you guys begin dating - Who always has your phone and limits your usage of it - Who claims its for your own safety because after all he has these muscles for a reason - Who will disappear after you fall asleep to hook up with a random girl - Who you'll wake up beside in the morning with kiss marks on his shirts collar but you choose to ignore it like you always do - "Why are you staring baby?"

HYUNJIN - Who breaks it to you softly just to do it again - Who promises you he's a changed man but we all know that's a lie(except you) - Who likes to string you along like a puppet - Who secretly deletes all the chats between you and any male relation because he can definitely cheat but you can't - Who tells you he does it for fun and will come back to you at the end of the day anyways - "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. It's not even that serious."

JISUNG - Who makes an entire scene when you confront him about it - Who refuses to admit to his adultery - Who in the end turns the entire situation on you - Who will purposefully send you explicit things that’s going on between him and his fling just to get you riled up - Who denies that that’s him in the video - Who basically tells you that you no longer satisfy him so it’s only fair that he finds it elsewhere - “I would never cheat and you know it. If I did then it must be because of you.”

FELIX - Who does it discreetly - Who tells his entire friend group and about the other woman and then “accidentally” sends you a text - Who proceeds to say the text wasn’t meant for you - Who gets violent when you ask him about it later on - Who slaps you across the face when he catches you searching his phone - Who threatens you he’ll break-up with you if you continue with your “nonsense” - “Why can’t you just trust me!? Never touch my phone again!”

SEUNGMIN - Who begins cheating and gets wary about you - Who will constantly cheat even in your own house - Who brings random girls at night when you’re working the night-shift - Who tells you it’s not him when your friend sends a picture of him kissing a girl at a bar - Who then begins questioning you - Who asks you if you’re the one cheating because cheaters are always worried about their partners cheating when deep down he knows he’s talking about himself - Who gets jealous when he sees you talking to a coworker - Who deletes all your male contacts and blocks them on your socials too - Who thinks you’re cheating on him too because it’s only right for you to be doing that or he wouldn’t be doing it to you - “I bet you’re fucking cheating on me! We all know you’re a fucking slut anyways!”

JEONGIN - Who claims that he just didn’t know it was wrong - Who uses his puppy eyes and says that he truly didn’t mean to - Who says it was the woman who seduced him and he’d never do that to you - Who claims he’ll never do it again - Who’s cheating on you the week after that - Who smiles at is phone like a teenager and says that its his sister when you ask - Who knows he’s caught in a lie when he says so since he only has brothers - Who begins crying hysterically and claiming that it’s just because he’s been so lonely when you’re gone - Who plays victim until you fall into his trap again - “But you love me, don’t you, noona? If you really love me you’ll forgive me, right?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A.N.: Y’all notice how each member’s got longer. Yeah I got a little carried away

[rightwheretheyleftme]

I just finished watching book 3 of The Legend of Korra. Here’s my top 5 things I hated the most about it:

caveat: I actually didn’t hate this season at all, I just wanted to continue this series

5. Poof! The genocide’s gone!

Let me preface this by saying that I thought that the storyline of Korra finding the airbenders was a nice change of pace and scenery and I enjoyed watching it. However, the bare-bones of this plotline are rotten for me.

ATLA treating the air nomad genocide with so much realism and severity is one of the greatest aspects of the show. Sure, this is a tv show for kids, but it’s still a fairly realistic portrayal of a victim of ethnic cleansing dealing with their trauma. We saw Aang searching for other air nomads, seeing his temples being destroyed, having to burn the last intact artifact made by his people (the staff), and the entire 4 part finale of the series revolves around Aang deciding that he is not willing to sacrifice his cultural and religious beliefs under any circumstances. On account of this, it truly shocked me that TLOK treats the air nomad genocide in the same way that Oprah approached her car giveaway:

The insistence that the air nomad genocide is something that the avatar could fix unintentionally conveys that Aang failed to fix it. Maybe if Aang had connected with Raava and meditated in the tree of time, he would’ve brought his people back- the narrative is saying. And I find that incredibly mean-spirited, regardless of whether it was intentional or not.

Aang died at 66 years of age, he never met any other airbenders after the genocide other than his own son; And TLOK killed Aang once again in season 2, so now he will never get to see the air nation’s rebirth. I know that this is a show about Korra, but I find this storyline to be not only an extremely immature way to treat a genocide (genocides can’t be “fixed”, bryke) but also a cruel insult to the protagonist of this universe.

4. Why the fuck is Varrick still here

Let me get this straight: Varrick took advantage of Unalaq’s colonialism to make himself rich. He bombed the Southern Water Tribe Cultural Center in order to incite a war between the tribes. He stole all of the weaponry made by Asami’s company and delivered it to the Northern Water Tribe so that they could use it to wipe out the SWT. He incriminated Mako, a 19 year old, so that he would take the blame for Varrick’s transgressions and spend his life in prison as a result. He manipulated and took advantage of Asami, another 19 year old. And many more crimes that I’m too tired to list.

So why is he in this season as a lovable sidekick? He escaped justice, Suyin yielded him, and when Lin understandably gets angry about that, Suyin tells her that Varrick shouldn’t be punished for his entire life just for a mistake. This isn’t Suyin talking to Lin, it’s the writers talking to the audience- they want us to forgive Varrick and accept him as our new sweet funny guy.

That makes me nauseous.

This is the sequel of a show about the dangers of colonization and imperialism. Why, why, why, WHY is the guy who aided colonization efforts the character that you want the audience to love? In moments like this, you can tell that this show was made by 2 white American men.

3. Mary Sueyin (Thanks for the pun!)

This already has been discussed ad nauseam. Suyin yielded a war criminal from facing justice, she also sent out the one person the Red Lotus wanted to capture and kill after them for her own vengeful reasons. The narrative never addresses this and continues to paint her as a flawless hero. It’s disconcerting.

2. Zaheer the Master

Sorry, I refuse to believe that a man who got his airbending powers just a couple of weeks ago is suddenly the greatest airbender in a millennium because he read some books.

Bumi: How can he fly like that?

Tenzin: He's unlocked powers of airbending that haven't existed for thousands of years.

Fuck off, writers. Fuck all the way off.

1. The torture porn

We didn’t need to see Korra getting tortured for so long in such graphic detail. I don’t want to accuse anyone of sexism, but I’m certain that these writers would’ve never treated Aang this way.

Overall pretty good season, 8/10.

[wooimbouttamakeanameformyself]

Okay listen hoes.

I’ve been surfing these anti Danneel, anti Jenneel, anti this and anti that tags for like… over a year. I’ve always been watching from the sidelines with my lil bag of popcorn, given an anon ask every now and again to other blogs, but never bothered to make a post about it. Because I didn’t think it was relevant, correction, I didn’t think Elta was relevant enough to make a venting post about — which is why I’m baffled as to why she even has stans — but also I just figured in the long run, none of our speculations, opinions or posts about this lady mean anything to anyone.

Actually, I may be incorrect there, as the AA’s may butcher me, or worse… Danneel may get Cliff to make another post… sheesh!

But anyway, seeing this latest Wales con, I got a real bad case of FOMO and decided I wanna bitch on tumblr as well (no hate to the bitches, I love scrolling through everyone bitching about the ‘perfect’ couple)

Here’s my take on everything, even tho no one asked:

Yes, it is painfully, horribly, excruciatingly obvious that those two don’t even like each other let alone love each other.

But I’ve seen some people and blogs talk about Danneel physically abuse Jensen, which I just don’t personally believe — each to their own opinion, though — but I just personally haven’t seen any evidence or receipts of that being true. Emotional abuse, yes, verbal abuse, definitely. But physical is something I ain’t gonna say I think is happening.

Danneel’s a bitch, as we all know, as the stans like to pretend isn’t true. But I really don’t think Jensen’s a saint or a victim — and I say he isn’t a victim only because in the end, looking over the financial consequences and the custody of the kids thing that would come with a divorce, she has little hold over him. He has the fame, the money, and what do you wanna bet that all of the Elta followers would do a 180 on their ‘Kween’ if Jensen ever spoke up about anything? And by no means am I suggesting that men can’t be victims before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m just saying that Jensen has the capability to fight back to her or leave her if he wanted to.

But he won’t, because — and I’m bracing myself for the hate I’ll get for this — he’s also kind of a narcissist and a liar!!! 😱😱😱 surprised I’m still writing and wasn’t just assassinated on the spot for saying that lols! Dare I say… he’s just as bad as Danneel in some aspects? That he has pretty privilege? Though not so much anymore since he and Danneel have clearly started doing couples Botox sessions. Wooof I’m really pushing my luck.

Trailed off a lil there, but what I was supposed to say is that he won’t because he’s embedded some kind of belief into his mind that his career will crash and burn if he doesn’t have his perfect ‘family man’ image. Even though let’s be honest about two things, your marriage is probably doing more harm than good to your image, and buddy, you’re a c-list actor who’s acting range is zero to none — I mean, he couldn’t stand playing anyone other than Dean Winchester that he tried, and failed, to make a spin off of Supernatural just so he got to play a brooding, macho hunter again. Though look how that turned out — your career isn’t some sacred artefact that can’t dare even be scratched, all he does these days is make money from cons, and a very occasional cameo playing as Dean in a different font. I’m worried the dude has Foreign Accent Syndrome but with Dean Winchester — as in he’s done it for that long that its irreversibly in his consciousness, to the point Danneel has to tell him to stop being Dean at home (sure she got a dig out of him mentioning that in the panel)

But I’m trying to focus talking about this con so far — even though I’ve trailed off multiple times already — first of all, ignoring the fact it’s insane that Danneel’s even at a Suoernatural con when her character (which was a nepotism role) wasn’t even in a full season, served no purpose, wasn’t even a likeable character — unless you like vapid, vain, and poorly portrayed characters — and added nothing to the storyline. And yet she gets treated like she’s a main cast member? Half of Dean’s flings who were in half an episode served more to the plot that Anael did in the whole five episodes she was on the show! And it pissed me off that Danneel’s getting the sort of treatment of main cast when Gen’s character was actually important to the plot, yet she wasn’t at the con. Not that I think Gen’s that bothered, which shows the difference between her and Danneel.

And apparently she auditioned for every single female role??? HUH?? Are we talking about the same Ms Gurl who made fun of Supernatural in the earlier seasons, claimed to not wanting to interfere as it was Jensen’s thing, demeaned and made fun of fans on twitter, criticised her own husband’s role and showed doubt of the series duration??? Make it make sense.

I’m kind of relieved Jensen hasn’t shared any of his made up domestic stories of them, to try and make it seem like they can even stand each other, although it would’ve been interesting to see him talk about it with Danneel there — just to see her reaction, cause I’m certain Jensen just makes up these stories as he goes along. But I guess my guy couldn’t even manage that, probably not after how much Elta knocked him down in front of everyone — she barely did anything else other than make jabs at him the whole time. Surprised my girl didn’t go blue from all the snarky remarks she was making.

Oh wait, it’s ‘sarcasm’, right? Silly me, I forgot that ‘that’s how they are with each other’ 😐😐😐 even AA’s have spoke up about her behaviour in this con — shows how much effort those two are bothering putting in to keep up the image. But hey, I’m proud that some of the delusional Jenneel shippers have developed a frontal lobe, probably because their self-insert isn’t doing what they want her to be doing!

Anyway that’s all from me, my thumbs hurt, can’t believe I wrote so much. Free will is a crazy thing. Excited to see what kind of hate I get from this ✌️😝

This ain’t grammar checked before anyone bullies me.

[archivalofsins]

I will say one thing it's always so impressive to me how most analysis of Futa's behavior end up playing directly into his mentality and on his terms while seemingly being unaware that they are doing so.

By that I mean most fans tend to met Futa on his level because it's the only level they know. They only know how to critique him from his playing field because they've failed to recognize his playing field are the spaces they frequent every day.

I think this is due to no one being comfortable with critiquing the issues Futa and Mu as a pair represent. So their stories get reduced to bullying instead of the structural and societal issues that incentivize the mindsets they have.

Usually analysis of their behavior never gets further than Mu is a bully but it's fine because she had a hard time as well what was going on directly impacted her, Futa is a bully but it's wrong because nothing these people were doing ever impacted him personally he just inserted himself into the situation so that he could feel superior.

The level of proximity between Futa and his victims makes it easy for people to judge how rational his actions were.

Because to an extent a lot of people consciously or subconsciously recognize if something isn't impacting them they don't have to get involved or up in arms about it. Many have realized that just because someone is doing something wrong doesn't mean they have to swoop in and be a hero.

This is why his takeaway from his guilty verdict was this,

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment. Anyway, he's not a little kid.

Q.04 Would you make the same mistake again?

Futa: I don’t think so- I don’t think I could take this kind of pain again.

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Futa: I do. What was I even doing that stuff for in the first place? What other people are doing doesn’t have any impact on me.

It's better to sit back and do nothing than try to do something then wind up getting hurt too. Other people are hurting who cares I'm trying to take care of me. They need to figure it out on their own. What happens to others isn't my problem I need to worry about myself. It doesn't matter if what someone else is doing is wrong, harmful, or can end in their death I shouldn't intrude, mind my business, and take care of me first and foremost.

That's right. You know those people who just wanna convince themselves- So, they intrude on other people's affairs even though it's not their place?

20/05/26

Kazui: Ahh, this old man’s gonna go and smoke in the corner a bit. I checked with the guard, and apparently we can use our free time however we want. Man, I’m glad this place is so relaxed.

Shidou: ……! Are…… we allowed to smoke……?

Kazui: Huh…… Shidou-kun, was it? You smoke too? That’s kinda unexpected.

Shidou: Ah, yes. ……I only started fairly recently though. I’ll go with you…… to smoke.

Futa: Ahh, those old men really stink of tobacco. Are they idiots or something? They should know better at that age…… If they really can’t cope without relying on something like that then I worry about their sanity.

Yuno: ……it doesn’t really matter does it? They’re making sure they’re staying far away from the people who don’t smoke. Personally I quite like the smell anyway.

Futa: Huh!? What are you talking about? It means you’re more likely to get sick, it costs money, it’s a nuisance for everyone around you, what’s even the point. Our tax money is being wasted going towards paying for that, you know? If you were really smart, you’d know not to smoke at all!

Yuno: I see~

I despise them. That's what I was saying. They only do that to make themselves feel better, don't they? Those people don't actually end up doing anything.

Q.09 What do you think about the first trial’s results?

Futa: You and me are the same, aren’t we?

You and you, throwing around rules for fun, hoisting up morality and feeling good. (Backdraft)

Don’t weigh me measure me against your morality. - Who needs your self-righteous pardon? (Tear Drop)

Just shut it, will you? You know it all - I ***'t *e b**h**ed... (I won't be bothered. or I can't be bothered.)

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

We are just the same. (It's Not My Fault)

I see~ I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Wow, what a pain.

Futa and Mu both impose themselves on others.

They insert themselves into situations they shouldn't be in for attention. They make drama where there is none. They do it to feel good about themselves. All because they were bored.

So to me when people meet the prisoners on their level and take everything they've presented at face value they're extending them a lot of good faith. Good faith I frankly believe none of them deserve. Whenever someone talks about the situations they present in their music videos regardless of how much these characters are shown to lie the authenticity of their recounts are rarely ever questioned.

For example with Futa none of the incidents illustrated to us in Bring It On are scrutinized fully.

Except possibly the incident with replicating the stores hat which is something that is mostly scrutinized for how far he took the incident and not on the basis of the incident itself. In fairness with two of the incidents, the hat one and the one with the person who laid down in freezer both parties took pictures of themselves doing the thing and posted those online of their own volition.

Yet, with the incident involving the teacher Futa took that picture.

There's discussion around taking pictures with out the consent of the individual of course. Yet this is meeting Futa on his level. People are playing into Futa's way of thinking by trying to find a more ethical way to create a callout post. When Bring It On implies in a few ways that Futa only cared about getting that teacher fired.

The music vide even starts with him complaining about the teachers at his school and his university classes in general. The first tweets we're greeted with in Bring It On is him complaining about school,

流＠しずくと読みます: School work has really been a pain lately… I don’t want to type another word るめりえ＠D_T: Know any good games? キマ注意＠ダークトラ…: Nothing’s happened lately, it’s boring まっすMAN（強化中）: …wait, it’s Monday? Which means uni today??? I haven’t… done my homework… Storm Pazuzu（＝Futa）: A L L M Y C L A S S E S A R E S O D U L L . W A S T E O F M Y S C H O O L F E E S Storm Pazuzu（＝Futa）: Everyone else there is an idiot so it’s boring YU-TA:Let’s go to the arcade then!!!! Storm Pazuzu（＝Futa）: The people in charge here are shit. I could do a much better job Avyxs@D_T: Uni is so much fun! It can be a pain depending on your subjects but my friends and teachers are hilarious

He's still heading to the arcade during this exchange. He seems to be leaving school. So he can't be talking about the service at the arcade yet.

They even transition to the arcade center when he arrives.

So he's still very much talking about school when he says the people in charge here. When he gets to the arcade they're talking about a completely different thing.

I'm not understanding how his music video can starts off showing the audience him complaining about his classes being boring and his teachers being stupid. Yet when the same audience is shown him initiating an attack for the first time against a faculty member at the school he just complained about it goes unquestioned.

Instead people accept his framing of events immediately.

Similarly to how many would accept any other callout that they see online without question. It's fine to discuss the girl not consenting to allowing her photo to be used. The fact that he posted an individual in appears to be a vulnerable moment without their consent. Yet, we don't even know if this is what he was presenting it to be and there's more evidence that it wasn't then it was.

Certainly this teacher may have been committing sexual harassments or misconduct and Futa just got super lucky he was in the area and able to get a picture to bring attention to it online under some anonymity. Yet, if this was really the case why not just report it? Why didn't anyone else in the area hear or say anything. Why do students from the same university as him respond with fear, shock, and confusion?

♡MANA♡: Mr Inoue……? That’s scary……

Why doesn't the girl in the photo he provided ever step forward for it to be taken down or say anything about the incident? Especially if it's already reached other students at the university who know this teacher by name and have probably seen her.

Storm Pazuzu（＝Futa）: Please spread this around. Some sexual harassment I came across from a university teacher. Don’t think he realised someone was watching lmao. Please report to the uni 恐縮です: I’m amazed you were able to get a photo 自由（ちきゅうじん） My uni is done for now wwww ♡MANA♡: Mr Inoue……? That’s scary…… io :Sexual harassment is pretty much the worst thing a person can do. How are you gonna explain this??? 毒門第一号: Oof lmao she looks like she’s gonna be sick kakikukeko@ド: What an idiot, you should just (…) already まっすMAN（強化中）: Super gross, thanks for exposing a lowlife sexual harasser AAA@DT: Has he got no shame!!! Go to hell!!! That’s so gross!!! るめりえ＠D_T: What a fucking pig, that’s just gross lmao

I'm fine with walking down this bridge with anyone willing to interrogate this.

Let's go over the facts that would make this situation true. Firstly, Futa would have to have been the only one in that area that day. Something incredibly unlikely because this is a college on a school day. He also conveniently shows a map of the floor he's on with all the people on it.

Including himself as the blue arrow. Yet there could be more people on this floor and these are just the people he knows about given as many will be able to see here the people he sees in the room aren't on the map. So basically the green dots are more than likely Futa's friends at school or people who he associates with online who go to the same college. I speculate this because when he's complaining about uni he's immediately invited out to the arcade by someone else online.

So he wasn't just friends with these people online but irl as well. Which would explain why some people are on the map and not others.

This is the ground floor of a university on a school day. There are fourteen people on this floor outside of Futa himself. Two in the room right next to the one this incident takes place in.

None of those people heard or saw anything? They just never left those rooms after Futa went to class. No one had to go the same route he was going to get to their classes. I don't know like one of the two people in the hallway behind him.

They were just going elsewhere I suppose that's convenient. Though maybe they all wanted this teacher fired if they are affiliated with Futa it would explain his glitched voice line trial one,

"Everyone else was having fun weren't they? What about them? Why is it just me?"

Well, I guess no one could have done or heard anything besides him. That's why no one else from that school corroborates what he was saying in all of those replies we're shown.

Alright, that may be possible.

I do have a question though... If this was really the teachers intent by isolating this student why was door wide open? Like not even cracked just ajar making it more likely for them to a be overheard and get seen.

Like he couldn't close the door? Also we only see one half of this room which from the map we're given appears to be quite large. How do we even know that no one else was in here? He never shows us the count of people within this room specifically. Even again he does show counts for everywhere else. However, as I just said those dot's may just represent his team members within the school.

As these are the same dots that indicate his comrades within the game map as well,

So there's that. Didn't think I would be proving that Futa had so many real life friends through this but uh fuck it we ball- Either way you know who is angled perfectly to see the rest of the room and not just the side we're seeing?

Futa.

I mean not to quote Blue Lock but if we all bothered to pick up a book on how the human eye works we wouldn't keep falling for this shit now would we?

But fuck all that- Again let's look at what this bridges foundation is.

This bridge we're walking wants me to believe that this teacher had the intent of sexually harassing a student, got her into an isolated/unused room within the college during school hours- At a time that they are just starting in fact, then did not close the fucking door to said room. He just had zero concern of anyone walking to class at that time or even just needing to use that room at all? A time he would know there are classes because he fucking works there?

That's the bridge we're walking and it's mighty flimsy.

I gotta admit that bridge is as sturdy as Jenga tower right before the last move. But let's keep walking it regardless we haven't fallen yet. Because for this to actually collapse we would need a much sturdier alternative bridge to cross over to because I refuse to die on this one.

So, what we know is Futa had complaints about his school environment. He thought his classes were boring, beneath him and implied the people in charge were inept at their jobs. Considering all of that I feel like he viewed this incident more as a way to get rid of a problem of his own than actually help someone else or do the right thing.

It wouldn't be a stretch to me for him to just not like that teacher. Beyond that it wouldn't a leap to believe that he may have assumed and jumped to the conclusion he wanted instead of fully checking out the situation.

It certainly wouldn't be the first thing he has lied about. Though to be honest I personally don't believe he's in here for any of the things he showed us and like Kotoko he is deflecting by highlighting situations where he is more likely to look in the right than in the wrong. This is something both of their first trial songs have in common.

Personally I don't believe that someone as online as Futa has only engaged with three callouts. Though I also believe that Milgram is highlighting the instances he had the most prominent roles in. I just believe he did something offline as well which goes past just taking pictures of things. Something this online incident and the hat girls have in common.

In both instances Futa was the one to take the picture,

Now, I've made it clear I don't think Futa was responsible for the doxing. Yet there is precedence for him to do something like this. Given that he did post the picture of this teacher and student.

It would make it easier to believe that he would dox someone because that's technically what he's doing here. Releasing this teacher's face and place of work. All while telling people to call in and report him for sexual misconduct that we have questionable proof of at best.

It wouldn't be hard for people to believe that Futa would do this again with the hat girl after this situation. This is another one of the reasons I believe it was highlighted as well. It gives a good idea of Futa's online reputation and contextualizes the aftermath of the hat girl incident a lot more.

Lending more credence to his statement in Backdraft of,

"Me, the result of blame-shifting, no, can’t find that funny." - "Flames closing in, are both sides losers?"

It makes sense to me that a lot of people were willing to believe that he would take things this far again because he already had. This would make it much easier for another party to shift all of the blame on him because he'd already have a bad reputation. It wouldn't matter if it was true or not as long as it made sense to the most people.

We're also never told how the situation with the teacher resolves. It looks like Futa had won but the teacher was only knocked down. It would be more accurate to say he was stunned for the moment. Unlike the last incident he didn't die. So, this incident may have come back to bite Futa in the ass too. Especially if it was proven later that what he said wasn't true. Even more so if that happened around the same time the incident with the middle schooler was at it's peak.

Now do I think this incident is important to Futa's murder not exactly. I don't feel like it's the most important thing. I think it contextualizes how he wound up in this position where it was easy for someone to convince others that he's the sort of person who would dox a student. Regardless of if he did or didn't I personally think he didn't and there are more allusions to it not being him who did that than there are of it being him. Which I've gone over in other posts.

However the fact remains that Futa is suffering the consequences of his past actions even before he gets into Milgram. If he had never done this with this teacher and gotten into the habit of taking pictures like these maybe things wouldn't have escalated to this point. If he didn't get into the pattern of doing anything for just a fleeting bit of attention maybe none of this would have happened. In my eyes though none of this is murder it's negligence and a complete disregard of people whom he shared a space with.

It's a disregard his schools staff, classmates, and online peers who he viewed himself as better than in some way. I personally feel like trying to find a way that he was somehow morally flawed on his own standards makes it appear as though there was a right way for him to do these things. That there's a morally correct way to make a callout post and broach this behavior.

It's the same as him going,

"Now let’s be reasonable. We are the ones that blow the horn for justice. We will punish you down, this is a warning."

But the bitter truth of the matter is their is no completely peaceful way to have a conflict. There is no one hundred percent moral way to bring a wrong to light. There are always going to be people who act with ill intent to take advantage of the modern tools that have been made to discuss the exploitation and abuse of others.

There are always going to be people who lie who know for certain that their are going to be good people out their who instead of fact checking them will go better safe than sorry. Because they don't want someone else possibly getting hurt. People who lie bank on people who care about others doing just that so they can keep getting away with it. We saw this with Shidou trial two,

"There are lives that need safeguarding- So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

People who are intent on doing harm will always be secure in knowing people who care will want to avoid that harm. This is something that some individuals will always be willing to use to their advantage. They know that their opposition doesn't want anyone getting hurt and leverages that over their heads.

So, when people make allegations like the one's Futa did about people in positions of authority,

They're taken at face value.

People are treated as though they're guilty until they can prove themselves innocent. Because no one likes when it feels like individuals are being taken advantage of. Regardless of if they're a student or small business owner. When people see someone being put through a difficult time for no reason or ripped off it upsets them.

They immediately think,

"That's not fair. That's not right."

Something that tends to outweigh the question of is this true. Especially in an age where so much information is thrown at people daily. It's easy for us to fill in the blanks and go well of course another teacher is a pervert. He probably didn't close the door because he's just so used to getting away with at this point. He probably did it while classes were going on and people were walking around the halls because he was just so certain he'd never face any consequences. He didn't think that some good samaritan would be walking past and get proof of his transgression and share so now he can't get away with this anymore. See this is the problem with the school system they just keep hiring teachers like this disgusting glad to know now though.

We don't question the how, why, when, or where anymore. It doesn't matter that there's a giant crack in this door and this is at a

It doesn't matter that the door is in the shot. It doesn't matter how he managed to take this picture. Why the door was cracked when this took place. Because most people would rather engage in good faith and assume that no one would lie about something like that. Than assume Futa who has shown every reason he has to lie and misrepresent facts about the faculty in his school was in fact just blatantly being dischonest. That he saw an instance that would look bad out of context snapped a picture of it and posted it online.

From an audience perspective we actually have more reasons to believe Futa than disbelieve him here. For one the other two instances covered in his music video are represented fairly. The two others he calls out took those pictures of themselves and posted them of their own volition. That's what they decided to do with their day and there's no debating that.

So, since this guy was put in here as well most of the audience is primed to believe well we saw her admit to making the hat, the first guy posted that himself so why would Futa ever lie about any of these cases. Sure he took the picture himself but that doesn't mean he fabricated the entire incident I mean why would a teach need to be that close to a student anyway. He's practically pinning her against the wall. They're talking near a bookshelf in the photo he's not even touching her.

The thing we see before this is Futa vision. The thing online is actually just the fucking picture. That is the picture in reality.

Futa actually has no way of seeing this from the angle it's presented to us in because again he's outside the room and he never goes in it.

I mean not to quote Blue Lock but if we all bothered to pick up a book on how the human eye works we wouldn't keep falling for this shit now would we?

We literally see his perspective of the incident from the picture he posted. Yet each time this particular case is engaged in it's always under the framing that Futa is telling the truth. When this motherfucker introduced himself by lying about not committing a crime to begin with!

Q.09 Do you want to apologise to the person you killed?

Futa: I didn’t kill anyone. Listen to me- Aren’t you supposed to be a guard?!

To me taking everything the prisoners present at face value isn't always the most helpful. Sometimes it could be lowering oneself to seeing things their way. When in honesty there is no ethical way to make a callout post. Even if what Futa was presenting was the truth regardless of how little since it makes when one takes in the whole environment presented to us.

At a point it becomes less of an individualistic issue and turns into a systemic one. The fact of the matter is even with evidence many sexual crimes remain unresolved and pursuing them can further isolate and retraumatize the victims of them. A lot of sexual misconduct by teachers and students within universities goes overlooked everyday. Just as often as bullying gets overlooked.

Sometimes the only time that victims of such crimes can get justice or perpetrators be held accountable is through the means illustrated here.

It sucks but that is one of the many realities of the modern era. The reality of the power of the internet and news outlets.

Something Yuno touches upon way before Futa comes onto the scene.

For example, news outlets. They always make a big fuss about adultery, inappropriate comments, immodesty and so on, right? And then they start criticizing the people who make an appearance there. Don't you think it's all so ridiculous? There's no end to how much people punish one another outside of the law.

"Found one…! Countdown till I make you say sorry!"/"Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting."

The mindset that allowed Mu to get away with all her mistreatment of her peers just because she was bored. Is the same mindset Futa and Kotoko use as an excuse to do the things that they do. Mu takes advantage of the fact that most schools do not intervene when it comes to matters between others students such as harassments and ostracization to have fun at other people's expense fearing that eventually one day she'll be on the receiving end of everything she's dished out.

Meanwhile Futa and Kotoko weaponize the frustration of the masses at the ills of society to excuse their own mistreatment of others regardless of the size of the transgression. It's easy to discuss Futa's victims more than the rest of the casts because people involved in the series see individuals like them every day online.

Those sorts of stories are common place in the environment fans tend to frequent. It's easy not to question any of Futa's allegations because the internet has a guilty until proven innocent mentality. So people take everything Futa and Kotoko present in their stories as fact without a second thought. Because why would someone lie about that and of jeez but what if it is true.

Never really realizing that's exactly where bad actors want people to meet them at. Bad actors expect considerate people to care more about the possible harm than the chances of them being dishonest. Because allegations like this can and have ruined the lives of many people who never did anything.

Because people who act in bad faith don't care about the problems they discuss they only care about it getting the right people in the wrong spots. Something highlighted with Mikoto someone who comes out the gate consistently complaining about people making up things about him to ruin his reputation and possibly make him lose his job.

It's not a topic that Milgram has shied away from. It's definitely not a topic that Yamanaka has shied away from either. In Caligula Effect there's a whole side quest where you literally have to prove a student is lying about a teach committing sexual harassment/assault. I'm not saying this to say that's definitely the case.

We don't know anything about this teacher and at best this is simply a petty thing that Futa did seemingly because he was just bored like Mu. I'm just saying when someone starts complaining about their classes being boring, a waste of money, and their teachers being shit than posts something like that maybe question if they may have some vested interest in doing that.

I still have mutiple other posts to do but no one can say I've forgotten my roots talking a shit ton about Futa.

[remylebeaugambit]

Hey! Love your blog. I’ve come away from comics lately and most of fandom simply because of how bad the writing is and how unhinged fans are towards things they don’t like/accept, particularly in the Romy fandom.

I used to really like them but I totally agree with some of the stuff you’ve previously stated on writers, mostly on Gambit. I stopped reading anything Rogue & Gambit because it was so disheartening to see that after their marriage Rogue still treated Remy like he’s her purse or something. A lot of Rogue fans blast him for the early days when he was still married to his first wife and the lying or whatever but never acknowledge that they weren’t even really an item, Rogue was constantly pushing Remy away, mixed signals, left him to die in Antarctica even though that wasn’t her decision to make and not once was she ever called out for it. Gambit is always going to be morally grey, he’s a good guy but he’s a criminal, it’s all he’s ever known, it’s his life and Rogue has never accepted that side of him, never put in any effort with his family or friends or home. She talks down on him and about him a lot, humiliates him in various stages of their relationship then calls him her best friend but never actually put any effort into their friendship even when he was trying so hard, it always felt like there wasn’t a genuine friendship, they were just super horny for each other and the sexual tension is gone now they’ve done all that and it hasn’t got better so what’s left to continue. How many times has he said he’d leave her alone if that’s what she really wanted, has stood aside and let her be herself with other people even when it hurt him. How many times has he tried to move on and she’s dragged him back because she gets jealous and makes him feel guilt for trying to move on when it’s her telling him she doesn’t want him or “needs space” or “doesn’t trust him” but berates him for having feelings about her kissing Deadpool etc when she’s constantly pushing him away over her “not able to touch.” Didn’t stop her from touching other people or treating other men better than Gambit when he’s supposed to be someone she loves. It’s a reoccurring event in their dynamic and I’m kind of glad people are seeing it and not really enjoying the ship anymore. The way I see it and probably a lot of other Gambit fans do, is Rogue simply doesn’t want him to be with anyone else but she also doesn’t want him either, it’s like the idea of him being happy elsewhere is so irrational to her she has to keep him around, he’s very much a bitterly in a jar and she’s suffocating him. He worships her and she loves that. She doesn’t particularly care about him, just what he gives her. It’s a very one sided relationship and had they not got married I think people wouldn’t be as fired up over it. Really can we blame the writing when she’s constantly written that way? Can’t we just accept Rogue is messy and won’t ever really know how she feels about Gambit. Does she love him or just love his love for her?

It’s sad to see what he’s been reduced to. It’s sad to see Rogue made out to be the victim when actually, throughout comic history, Gambit is the victim and yes, he’s a victim of her too. She gaslights him, manipulates him and guilts him constantly. He’s just there to be her cheerleader and it’s not consistent with his personality. Remy knows when to end things, he did it with his first wife when it wasn’t working for him even though that was his first true love and someone he would always love no matter what, they’d always be intertwined. Having him with someone who is constantly hot and cold with him, who never defends him to her friends or mothers who have done terrible and disgusting things to him isn’t it. That’s not love, that’s using him for her own needs. Gambit should just be a solo character again and back with his OG friends in team ups like Storm, Bishop, Jubilee, X-23. People who are his people, not just people who put up with him because he’s Rogue’s husband. He has a family who yes, are messy but they love him. He has friends who’ve been pushed aside so his entire life and personality revolves around Rogue. He’s a joke really. We saw that on Krakoa and I stopped reading then. It was sickening. So much has happened between Rogue and Remy that I could never ship Romy again. Just thinking about it is gross. And Rogue fans need to sit back and take a good look through comics again. Rogue’s treated Gambit terribly from the beginning. Remy was a mess, traumatised, flaked in and out of being a hero/criminal but he’s had growth. He should be shown some respect for all he’s done for the X-men and Rogue more than anyone.

People keep blaming crappy writing when actually, her character has been very consistent in how terrible she is to Gambit. That’s not bad writing, that’s just how her character was written to begin with. Even if it changes now (which it won’t) the damage is done. Antarctica, Mystique, Magneto, Avengers all of that tally’s up against Rogue. Remy grew up and became a better man, for his friends, for himself and for Rogue. Rogue has never once changed. Has never once been genuinely sorry for how she’s treated him and other characters, (I won’t ever let folks forget how she treated Dazzler, Rogue is not a girls girl my friends). Rogue and Gambit is a cycle of what ifs and never will be’s. It’s been drawn out for too long and Romy fans think they have some kind of claim to Gambit only for Rogue. They’ve never really been friends, it’s “mentioned” but never shown. They only ever have drama and it’s 99% Rogue’s doing most of the time. Gambit’s character has been squeezed to death for Rogue, stuffed into a box he’ll never belong in for her. All she cares about is how she looks as a hero, which in itself makes her a crappy hero. Remy is selfless, Rogue does everything for a reason. That’s okay, she’s allowed to be a messy character, she was raised by the messiest woman in Marvel comics, it’s only natural she shares qualities with Mystique. Rogue would be a more interesting character if she was allowed to be messy, at least she’d have a personality other than loud, bossy, the always right hard done by wife. Gambit is always made out to be the problem-criminal who’s never going to be any good… let’s all think back on how Rogue was first introduced. A villain. A villain raised by a villain. I see one problem and it isn’t Gambit.

He’s not perfect, nobody wants him to be. But he’s a good man with a rough history who continued to have a good heart anyways no matter how badly he’s treated. He has a few loyal friends, one big ass messy family and three beautiful cats. He’s more than the bumbling husband. He was NEVER a bumbling husband. Romy fans are entitled to their ship, everyone is but it’s consumed fandom and his character in comics. It’s not good for him and by now it’s never going to change. He deserves better than that. There are loads of characters he has great potential with who will never see the light of day because of how popular Rogue is. Gambit married Rogue (out of the blue because that whole comic made no sense at all) and suddenly he’s her obedient pet who can’t think for himself, can’t go anywhere without her, can’t have interests or friends or even see his own family because of her like, what? And that’s a loving healthy relationship? Are we all on the same planet? Would this dynamic be hyped up if it was the other way around? Would Gambit exist at all if he behaved towards Rogue how she does to him? The scales are very unbalanced. I don’t see why Romy can’t be a side story like Rogueneto or Roguepool or Roguestorm. Why does it devour Gambit’s character but not Rogue’s?

This is no hate at you, by the way… I’m just rambling and I’ve seen you’re pretty open to discussions on the good and bad of both characters. I’ve made this out to be very against Rogue but actually it’s just Romy, beyond that she’s okay, I don’t mind her at all. She has good and bad qualities which is human, that’s great but the Romy ship is sinking for me. I haven’t come across many blogs who are open to discussing Rogue in a more negative light, that’s the only reason I’ve babbled for so long, sorry about that. It’s sort of been giving me brainrot! I hope this doesn’t come off as offensive to you. I’m very ship and let ship, I personally just think Romy has blown up and is casting a storm cloud over other characters who don’t get a look in anymore and other ships get shot down by Romy fans so much that it’s just a very negative space to be in especially if you aren’t as fond of Rogue as you are Remy. He was my favourite character, I always saw him in a sort of kindred light, if that makes sense? All the trauma he suffered through his life and he still hasn’t caught a break makes me really sad, particularly when Rogue/Romy shippers shut any critical views down with “He’s married, he’s happy.” Because he clearly isn’t. No one would be in that situation. Obviously he’s fictional and they aren’t real but Marvel comics has always been about showcasing real life problems and truama. Remy had a few near escapes from Rogue but he kept being dragged back, I don’t think that’s fair. Rogue has whole lives and love interests beyond Remy yet Remy is there for Rogue and nothing else. It’s very disheartening as a Gambit fan.

Sorry for the long ass word vomit.

First of all, I’m glad you like the blog 😉 Second, I tend to be concise, so I’ll try to keep it brief.  

I mostly agree with you what you said, but you know why I will keep blaming the writers? As Gambit fans, we are pissed off at how he is written as Rogue’s husband, but if that wasn’t the case, what would the chances of him being written well be? I say low because that’s his history, unfortunately. Rogue is the issue right now (and has been on many other occasions) because everything revolves around her and she is written as super selfish and she is shown neither respecting her husband nor standing up to him. However, Gambit has mostly been treated as a disposable character, a small player, an inconvenience. He hasn’t been respected outside their relationship either. There are exceptions, obviously, but he’s the most shitted popular character on the X-Men roster. The relationship is a huge part of the problem, but it’s not the only problem. Back in the 90’s, he used to be as popular as freaking Wolverine and Marvel made a point to unreasonably destroy that popularity. Then, those fucking movies with unrecognizable characters and Wolverine as a protagonist contributed to that; comics mirrored the movies, even though it should be the other way round. There was no Romy in the movies, and still, it took Gambit almost two decades to debut on the big screen, and it sucked because he had almost no screen time and the script sucked, the writing sucked. Again, we can blame the incompetent writers for that, not his nonexistent relationship with Rogue in that universe. Even Tatum’s Gambit hasn’t been unanimous among fans. 

As I’ve stated before, most Romy fans are actually Rogue fans in love with the idea of her hot boyfriend. I know I pissed a lot of them with that statement, but that’s what they show. Romy fans are in love with a fact that they are married, but what good is it when Gambit’s devoid of all his personality? When everything is about Rogue? That’s my problem with it. I am bitter that we’ve been deprived of seeing Gambit interact with other characters and having other relationships, romantic or not, and now he’s married. All the while Rogue is the self-insert hot girl, and even though I haven’t been interested in her character for so long that I don’t know half of what happened to her while she was on other books, it maddens me.

No, if this were the other way around, people would go nuts over it. It’s a double standard. Most members on Gambit Guild are pretty much against the relationship and the people here on Tumblr hate us there for that and calls us sexist. Many Rogue/Romy don’t see they’re the ones being sexist when they defend Rogue’s behavior towards her husband or simply pretend there’s no problem.

In short, to be honest with you, I often feel inconsistent. I’ve been critical of their relationship for most of the time, but at the same time I cling to the idea of them, that magic that child me saw in them. So I believe the potential. If there weren’t any, they wouldn’t be such a popular ship. But then again, the comics hardly ever showed us that potential. I must be stuck on fanfiction mode.