#and then I found out she liked dan and phil too

[lavender-phannie]

I’ve definitely made a post like this before but I’m gonna do it again cause it’s worth a shot!

If you were at the ii Amsterdam evening show please come say hi!! I wanna compare memories!!!

[dnpbeats]

Dan and Phil 2024 Upload Stats: Half a Year in Review

hi everyone! as we are officially halfway through 2024, i thought it would be fun to make a little post about some intersting stats from d&p's uploads this year! especially as things will likely start slowing down (or rather stay slowed down) during the latter part of this year due to the tour! as a reminder, spreadsheet can be found here :)

general stats

there have been 42 uploads so far this year. 13 of those are AP and the other 29 are DAPG, meaning they've uploaded over twice as much on the gaming channel

the average time between uploads across all channels is 3.9 days. looking at the channels individually, the average upload time between AP videos is 11.9 days and for DAPG it's 5.4 days

across both channels, dan and phil have helped edit 81% of the videos. they have only edited one out of the 42 videos on their own, which was on DAPG

100% of AP videos have had spons (capita£ester strikes again) and 79.3% of gaming videos have had spons (looking at both channels together, 85.7% have had spons)

their average upload time is 8:26pm

dan has been in (in some capacity) 46.2% of the AP videos this year

24.1% of the gaming videos have been non-gaming content

phil has been the one to tweet about the gaming videos 86.2% of the time

date/time stats

wednesday is their most popular day to upload, with 11 uploads (the majority of which have been DAPG uploads). sunday and friday are tied for second with 10 uploads each

saturday is the only day that they haven't uploaded on this year (this includes irregular uploads too, like ads and livestreams!)

average upload time for each day of the week:

sponsor stats

nordvpn is their most common sponsor, having sponsored 7 of their videos this year (4 on DAPG, 3 on AP). their second most-common sponsor is dragon city, having sponsored 6 videos (all DAPG)

6 videos have had no sponsors (again, all DAPG)

data for all spons:

editor stats

our queen superseizer had edited/helped edit 12 videos (11 DAPG vids, 1 AP)

seizer has edited 3 vids on her own (3x as many as d&p 🤩)

runtime stats

stats exclude poppy playtime chp. 3 bc it's so long lol

thursday uploads have the longest average runtime at 24:18. friday uploads have the shortest average runtime of 16:56

afk journey is the sponsor with the longest average runtime (29:56). the second-longest average runtime is videos with no sponsors (28:42). the sponsor with the shortest average runtime is headspace (14:54)

seizer on average edits longer videos! the average length of a video she has edited/helped edit is 25:11. for d&p the average length is 20:01

series stats

the sims series has had the most uploads this year, with 7. DvP has had 3 uploads and golf with friends has had 1 upload

on average there are 22 days between sims uploads and 65 days between DvP uploads

seizer is the only one trusted with editing sims vids 🙏🏻

so yeah! there are even more stats in the spreadsheet but i just wanted to include the more intersting stuff here. there's also a calendar if you want to visually see the distribution of days that videos have been uploaded (including irregular uploads!). also there's still the interactive bit where you can calculte the length between two uploads :3

lmk if you have any questions or want to see any other comparisons/charts i don't have!!

[astradyke]

help I am going to see the tour in less than a month and I don’t know enough lore. I’ve been watching as much as possible but who should I follow here any dnp blog recs?

HI ANON! sorry i am replying to you so late it's been a busy week ^_^

ugh i could gush about all my mutuals but i will TRY to keep this contained. also if i didnt mention you but you're awesome please like self promo off this post .

@thisdayindnphistory <- archive feature will be super helpful! Literally THE place to catch up on lore/important dates, even scrolling through can help you paint a better picture of certain years!! love this blog a lot it's a major help in web weaves :P

@purpurussy has successfully found like any post that i need whenever i need it b/c they're a miracle worker but also does like really great analysis posts & has awesome tags on things too

@phantasticphizza and @blossoms-phan CEO of cool mutuals who make me extremely happy when i see them on the dash and also I think both of them are awesome to follow in general so i'm just going to flail at you encouraging u to follow :3

@bitchslapblastoids ALWAYS allowed to cook in the kitchen and has a good handle on lore stuff too i feel like!!! Idk!! Follow!!!!!! My really cool mutual who has really good posts on stuff

@gamora-borealis awesome awesome awesome Follow this account smiles

@dnpbeats knows SO much about dan and phil lore and is like ... Like she has several claims to fame in her bio i feel like that's enough evidence this is THE blog to follow ever

@freckliedan knows SO much all the time makes awesome posts about many such things and just knows a lot!!! Lot of cool stuff on this blog has like helped me find info n stuff so many times. jam is lovely :]

Fuck I got so many more @deadandphilgames @phuckingphan @laprasboat @ingydar-phan @oldphanny @absolutefilthimsosorry @thighguys <- ALL OF THESE FOLKS ARE REALLY COOL AND MAKE REALLY AWESOME POSTS!!! I WOULD YAP ABOUT THEM SEPARATELY BUT THIS IS REALLY LONG im sorry ily!! Their cool posts speak for themselves though thumbs up

Also tentative because I'm bad at tracking mutual main blogs so if we are not properly mutuals i am SO SORRY and will be embarrassed forever but @yonpote @lizardsmp3 extremely EXTREMELY extremely cool blogs. Like very cool. the coolest. Please follow these two blogs i am really major fans<3 and i would argue these r required follows to maximize the phannie experience

I hope this is helpful anon!!!!!! If you ever feel like you need to catch up on a specific lore thing you can always fling that out into tags and people will graciously catch you with their massive knowledge (not me because i kind of don't know anything and rely upon aforementioned mutuals to nicely tell me information and i go okay <3 yay <3) but u are always welcome in the inbox!!!!!! <3

I HOPE U HAVE SO MUCH FUN AT TIT!!!!!!!!!

[hackerqueen]

Shameless

warnings: sexual content, jealousy

a/n: it's short JakexMC fic, hope you will like it (some mirror stuff) ;)

He was aware of what kind of woman the MC was.

Namely, he was painfully aware that she acted on others like a magnet. Her unearthly beauty was complemented by her angelic character, charisma and sense of humor. She was a woman that men lusted after. She was the dream that everyone tormented by nightmares prayed for. So he couldn't help the constant inner irritation he had been feeling for the past few days during which he was with her and the group at the cabin in the woods. Everyone said that the search for Hannah would be more effective this way, and the young hack had to agree with displeasure. However, his ability to focus seemed to disappear with the MC, who seemed to have totally drive him insane.

They didn't have much time to enjoy each other's company as they tried to give their best to save his sister as soon as possible. They fell in love with each other at the worst time possible. But he couldn't help the secret glances directed in her direction. Nor could he hold back his irritation when he saw how often she joked with Dan, and her laughter echoed loudly in his ears. He couldn't contain his irritation when the MC showed up at the police station and several officers tried to flirt with her. And there was nothing he could do as he sat in the car with an earpiece in his ear, listening to their embarrassing pick-up lines and her answering.

However, his patience ran out the moment they found themselves in Aurora one evening to talk to Phil. How much he felt like breaking his nose with his fist when he saw his sassy smile and the words falling out of his mouth that were designed to seduce the MC. She, on the other hand, smiled and even tried to play his game - responding with half-words that could spark the boys' imagination. However, when MC sent him a blurry look then moved toward the bathroom, his legs steered him toward her on their own.

He followed her into the bathroom, which was meant for staff but there was no one inside so he locked the door. The brunette turned toward him and put her arms on her chest.

– Can you explain why you are looking at him as if you want his head to explode? – she asked, however, by the tone of her voice he understood that she was not angry

Although he didn't think about it, the image of his brain on the wall made him feel better.

– I already told you I don't like him.

She sent him a doubtful look.

– You are jealous.

– No. – he snapped out far too quickly than he would have liked – I'm not jealous, I'm being reasonable.

– I already told you not to worry about him. You don't trust me?

– It's not you I don't trust. – he rolled his eyes – He's almost undressing you with his eyes.

– He looks at literally every creature that has hips and tits like that! – she said louder, feeling the blood that filled her veins begin to boil – Understand that this relationship is purely friendly.

– You're naive if you think he just wants to be your friend. – he snapped out before he could bite his tongue – It seems that his flirting doesn't particularly bother you.

She clenched her jaw and sent him a degenerate look. Her pupils were enlarged and he also noticed that she was tense. She came close enough to him that there was no more than a few centimeters between them.

– And you didn't get the idea that I'm pretending to be nice and foolish just to make him trust me more? Just admit that you are jealous. And I remind you that I am not your property!

At this point he grabbed her firmly by the waist and turned her so that her back touched his chest. They were standing in front of a large mirror, hung over the sink, so they had a perfect view of both of them.

It was their first more physical contact, which caused the two of them to have quickened breaths and heartbeats and that constricting fire in their lower abdomens that they desperately wanted to extinguish.

As he gently pushed her hair aside with one hand to expose her neck, the MC arched her back, pressing her ass against his crotch, which made his blood heat up even more. He tilted his head and, still looking into the mirror searching for her eyes, placed a wet but still fine and tender kiss under her ear.

– My smart girl. – he muttered directly into her ear, and his voice was hoarse with lust

And that name made her completely wet and quietly moan.

It had been so long since they had both felt physical pleasure that they had completely forgotten how aphrodisiac it was.

Hearing her quiet, enticing moan, he couldn't control himself any longer and he wove his hand back into the back of her head firmly pulling her hair, tilting her back.

– You like it when I'm possessive, don't you? – he asked and she incapable of words, merely nodded. She gasped louder when she felt the cool fingers of his other hand on her exposed cleavage, followed by those on her hip and thigh. – Is it good when I touch you here? Or maybe here?

– Please don't stop. – she blushed with shame as in such a short time the hacker had her in a position begging him for more. She had never wanted someone more than him.

His lips once again attacked her neck with brutal and powerful kisses that drew sweet moans from her lips and quiet grunts from his throat due to his sizable erection, which she felt perfectly. She felt him sucking on her skin creating a red marking to show everyone that she was his. His hungry hands squeezed her boobs, making her nipples harden. When he reached her sensitive spot near her ear and his fingers roamed her thighs, she closed her eyes and threw her head back, resting it against his shoulder.

– Spread your legs. – he said, but it sounded more like a command, which she gladly obeyed

Then his long fingers pushed her lacy underwear aside and the hacker moaned, feeling how wet she was. She felt him begin to massage her clit in circular motions which made her see stars under her eyelids.

– Watch yourself in the mirror, MC. Watch me while I touch you.

She groaned loudly, knowing that if anyone was standing at the door despite the loud music they would know what was going on inside the restroom. She opened her eyes encountering Jake's focused gaze in the pane of the mirror. He was watching her, devouring every last inch of her skin. He studied her body, touching her in an absolutely shameless way. He inserted his middle finger into her, feeling how instantly her muscles tightened on him. How much he craved to feel it on his cock, her wetness and tightness. However, he also didn't want their first time to take place in Aurora's cramped bathroom.

Feeling her impending orgasm, he curled his finger inside her, seeking her spot, and sped up the circles on her clit.

She came with a cry, his name leaving her swollen lips. Her eyes never left the mirror, and neither did his. She felt embarrassed by how quickly he managed to bring her to orgasm.

– My clever girl. You make me so proud.

And his praise when he adjusted her underwear and dress or when he kissed her neck one more time made her beg him for more.

And no one in the group was particularly surprised when the two announced that MC was feeling unwell and Jake would drive her back to the cabin to rest and enjoy the quiet until the others return.

[ameliawarnerr]

POV: MC is drunk at Aurora and she texts Jake. 

One-shot (but with two parts. Two-shot? Maybe I'm drunk)

Part-1

Background story: When Jake could finally get free of the dark-web world, it was too late. MC told him that she'd moved on and it was best for both of them. But she confuses Jake again, texting him after she gets wasted. And Jake is confused and not at all happy about her recklessness. 

—Jake—

I stare at the screen, eyebrows creased in confusion. My mind is debating if her phone got hacked or it's with the likes of Dan. But then I reread the message, using more of my intellect and pausing the emotions at war. 

MC: IM AT AURORAA AND IF U DONT COMW AND GET ME I WILL SLEEP WITJ THE 1ST GUY I SEE! 

MC: bringg moneyyy some bitcj stole mine

No, it's definitely her. There's no debate about that. I barely pay any attention to the second message. My mind is still stuck on the first one. It's really unsettling. Despite how I've been upset with her, hardly seen or talked to her the past few weeks, still I want to get there as fast as I can. I cannot bear the image of the otherwise scenario. 

My emotions resume the war. I've never understood her entirely before but this is simply beyond my understanding. She went into heavy details explaining to me how she has gotten over me while I was away and how my barging into her life again isn't good for either of us. While I was on the run, making a new identity for myself, cutting ties with anyone who could pull me back into that long stretch of ruin I've been living in, I considered many outcomes. This is one of the more unlikely ones. Or maybe I didn't want to think about it so I didn't consider it fairly. 

She was already having a hard time telling me all the reasons I didn't want to hear, so I left. Ever since then, I've stayed at Lilly's place and it's a relief that her friends usually hang out at Cleo’s or Jessica’s. I haven't seen her or talked to her since then but I couldn't help asking Lilly how MC was doing every once in a while. Lilly would always tell me that MC felt like a different person and that I should talk to her. I refused. I simply couldn't bring myself to. 

I can't understand if she doesn't want me anymore then why am I the one she's texting when she's wasted at a bar. I guess I’d have to wait until she's sober. I feel a ting of hope and my mind calling me an idiot. 

I stop my car in front of Aurora’s front door. Usually, people are entering and exiting at every hour but as the street gets darkened, no one is seen around. Of course, it's 2 am. Why would anyone be here at 2 am when only a month ago a girl was abducted and another was found dead? And obviously, that anyone has to be MC. 

Sometimes her recklessness throws me over to the edge. 

I rush inside. All lights are shut down, only two of them shine at the counter. One male waiter cleans up the leftovers on the tables while another walks to the kitchen, loosening the knot on his apron. At the counter, MC is seated on one of the high stools, her head resting on the counter while her hands move above her head as she's explaining or complaining about something to…well, to the bar owner. Phil Hawkins. 

He's bent over to the counter, his arms set on the counter as he's nodding while grinning. His eyes fly to me as I near them. I notice that her phone is left unlocked on the counter with our chat opened so Phil isn't surprised to see me here. I have only met him once and let's say that didn't change my dislike for him. 

“We’ve only met once. And it feels like I've known you for years.” He says, straightening. 

I raise my eyebrow at him. “I don't return the sentiment.” 

Then as I stride to the counter, beside MC, I understand what he meant. 

MC is wasted, talking about me while being totally oblivious of my presence. “And I told him, Phil. I told him. You know what I said?” Her hands are moving vaguely, her voice is uneven, getting high randomly. It's sort of cute. “I said,” Her voice becomes a bit stable as she tries to deepen it. “I will know your identity soon.” 

I can't believe she's with a… decent looking guy, somewhat and she's still talking about me. I don't know how to feel about that. But I guess this just reminds me of what we could've had, could've been.

“And you know what he told me then? I remember it as clear as the day as we speak.” She moves her hand hysterically. I bite back a laugh and I look at Phil doing the same. 

Then, he says, “What? What did he say to you?” 

I would not be a part of this if I didn't want to hear her complaining about me. It's surprisingly funny and adorable. I don't use words like ‘adorable’ to describe anything else. I think I can't anymore– she's set the bar too high. 

She clears her throat, raising her head slightly, pointing a finger straight at the wall. “You can't. I am the hacker everyone's after. I'm unbeatable.” She pretends to be me, making her voice rough and deep but fails adorably. I couldn't help it anymore– I broke into a grin.

I decided to intervene. “I certainly didn't say anything of that sort.” 

Her pointed finger freezes at my voice. She slowly turns her head towards me as I try not to smile. But as soon as my eyes meet her, there's an effortless smile on my mouth before I can even begin controlling it. She stares at me for a moment. Her hair is a little messy, eyes squinting at me. Then she brings her hands to her mouth. “Oh my god, Phil, I summoned him.” 

I take a step forward. “Yes, you did.” I take another step forward, sliding into the stool next to her as I sweep her phone from the counter. I hold it up for her to see. “By texting me. With an awful amount of typos.” 

She snatches her phone from my head. “That wasn't me. It might be the owner of the bar– Phil.” She blames as if she doesn't see him standing two feet away from the counter. “But anyways.” She puts her phone on the counter. “You look too hot to be sent back now.” She places a hand on my chest. 

Phil coughs. “Alright. That's my cue to leave.” 

MC’s gaze follows his figure as he leaves. Then, she leans towards me and whispers, “You know, although it was true but I just said that so he'd leave.” 

I lean forward and whisper back, “Excellent plan. Next time, include me as well.” 

She nods several times. “For sure.” 

“Are you ready to leave?” I ask her. 

“Did you bring the money?” She questions. 

“Depends. How much do you need?” I place my elbow on the counter, supporting my head as I look at her panicking. 

“Well, w-well. It's about 300$.” She scratches her neck. And this time I am the one panicking. Not because of the money, of course, but because— 

“You drank 300$ worth of alcohol?” 

She blinks. “No. I broke three bottles. Phil told me he'd go easy on me so I have to pay for just two of them.” She shows two fingers, smiling. 

I try to look stoic. I look at her finger with the same grim expression and she lowers them awkwardly. I straighten, removing my elbow from the counter. I clear my throat, lowering my head, trying not to show her my smile.

I return my gaze to her. She asks, hopefully, “So do you have 300$?” 

I do. But I put my lips into a thin line, shaking my head as she frowns. “I don't have the money. But you know what? I have nothing to worry about since you're one who needs to pay.” I return my elbow on the counter. “All I'm saying is that it's not my problem.” 

Her mouth slightly opens and closes. She looks around, fidgeting a little. Then, she looks back at me. “So, you are going to leave?” Her voice is small and I almost give in. 

I shrug. “I can leave and come back with the money.” I offer and notice the immediate refusal on her face. “Do you want me to come back with the money?” 

She looks down, at her hands. “Don’t do that.” 

It takes me a moment to recover from the vulnerability in her voice. I realise as cute as she looks right now, but I still don't want her to be in his state when someone trusted isn't around her, someone who can protect her. That's when I promise to lecture her about this once she's sober. I don't care if we haven't spoken for weeks or where we stand right now. 

But right now, I'm calm, knowing she texted me and that I am here with her. 

“Why?” I ask. “Weren’t you planning to sleep with the first guy you see here? Once I'm gone, you could do that.” I do my best not to process my own words. 

She's still looking at her hands. “No, I only said that so that you'll come and get me. But it's fine if you don't want to pay for me. You can leave—” 

The last word stretches as I pull her stool closer to mine. Her legs stumble together between mine. Her head turns upwards as her eyes dart to different parts of my face. 

“You think I'm going to leave you here? I am here to get you and I would've come even if you hadn't sent me that threat of a message. Even if you had sent me a made-up word or merely just one letter or just my name, I would've come for you.” I affirm here, speaking very softly but ensuring my words hold the right heaviness for her to believe. 

“Even if you didn't know where I was?” She asks. 

“Even if I didn't know where you were. I'd find you.” I answer. 

“Even if I make you pay a huge debt and ignore you the next day?” 

“I’d be hurt if you ignored me. I don't care about the money.” 

“Even if I hurt you?” 

I hesitate. “Doesn’t matter. I'll get over it.” 

“And even if I make terrible jokes?” 

“Especially when you make jokes. Terrible or not.” 

She eases into a smile. I raise both my hands, fixing her hair with a smile. At last, I rested them on her shoulder. “Let’s go?” 

She nods. I nod back. “Just so you know, I’m not saying anything right now because you're too drunk to remember but once you get sober, I'm giving you a lecture about this stupid thing you did.” I can't help but to think what if I didn't see the message, or she couldn't find her phone. I don't particularly like Phil after tonight but what if he wasn't here or she had gone to some other place. 

“Good luck to her.” She says. And I laugh out loud, grabbing her phone and shoving it in my pocket. I put the money on the counter and turn to her. “Are you cold?” I ask her as I stand. 

“Cold? No. I'm extremely hot and a warm person. You were cold when we first talked.” She points a finger at me, accusingly as she tries to stand. 

“I’m sorry. Forgive me. If it makes you feel any better, I don't know who that person was anymore.” I put a hand around her waist as she leans into me. We walk towards the exit. 

“Really?” She asks, looking at me. 

“Really. He was so reserved and guarded.” I say, matching her accusing tone. 

“I know, right? He would ask me about all my findings on the case and wouldn't tell me anything he'd do all day.” She threw her hand, expressing her annoyance. 

I grin. “Really? He did that to you? That's so unfair. If I were you, I would never work with him.” We reach the door. I hold her with one hand as I opened the door. 

“Well, I wouldn't do that.” She says, unsure. 

“Why not?” I ask as we walk towards my car. It's been a long time since I've talked to her. I can't stop myself. I don't want to waste any second being silent. Turns out, I really don't know who I was before I met her. 

“Well, he would say ‘good job, MC’. I liked that.” She says, mimicking me. 

We reach the door to the passengers' seat. I hold it open for her as she stumbles onto the seat. She wriggles a little until she's comfortable. “Finally.” She eases back into the seat. Then, she looks at me. “I knew texting you was the right thing to do.” 

“Good job, MC.” 

She stares, processes, then she blushes. I close the door, smiling in an idiotic manner. When I enter the car, she removes her shoes. She sits comfortably putting her leg on the seat, looking at me, expectantly. 

“You want something from me?” 

“Say that again.” 

—To be continued—

Part 2

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

so today being the 5 year anniversary of BIG, i wanted to check out my old phannie insta (@phans_snowflake, check it out if you wish) to see what i posted when it came out, and funny enough i found myself getting quite emotional. like… it’s so silly. my instagram was a repost account where i just posted dnp memes that i thought were funny. but like… here i am, so many years later. doing the same thing. there’s something about me finding dan and phil at such a young age that made me so comfortable to be exactly who i am. like that young girl has so much ahead of her, so much heartbreak and sadness, yet through it all she was so unapologetically passionate, gay, and weird. she was truly herself. all because these british millennials showed her that is so okay to be weird! and then she got to watch as those same people who taught her to accept herself were able to accept their own selves. and five years later, they get to be more authentic then ever and you still get to squeal at their videos because your past self will always be such a huge part of you, and you know that she’d be thrilled. thrilled that you’re out as gay, thrilled that you’ve come so far, but most importantly thrilled that you get to watch new dan and phil games content. i had my priorities set straight! so hey, we all got through it. maybe there’s more to come, but we’ll get through that too. so cheers to my younger self who found her comfort through dan and phil memes and cheers to all of us years later, doing the exact same shit. and thank you to dan and phil for showing an entire generation of nerdy queers that they should embrace who they are, i’m so happy that you guys get to do the same. you deserve all the queer joy ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 happy five years of BIG! love you phannies

[galaxy-stardust]

Duskwood

Jakes view

Part 6

While he walks through the streets and the stations, he started hearing the words "I am Jake" around him. Monitors showing masked people from all over the world with the hashtag #Iamjake

Wow, I'm impressed. Good job. This will definitely help me.

Alright, I should not stop. I have to hide by not standing still for a while. He rushes into a train.

In the next few hours, he travels from here to there and from there to here until he decides to go into hiding in an old motel.

It's cosy. He opens a window and hears into the night for a while. Everything is quiet.

He opens his laptop and starts typing. He smiles as he reads that MC could cry just because he sents a message. She really worries about me. He smiles shyly.

They talk about the I am Jake thing, the attackers who try to hack MC's phone, and why they're trying to attack her. Why you MC?

The puzzles you have to solve with Lilly—yes, I know you didn't like her that much, but you've worked well together. I know you would like your name as the password. He smiles. It felt right and strange at the same time.

And they tell each other how much they miss them.

I am so incredibly sorry that I left you alone, MC, but I had to make sure that they wouldn't catch me because that would have separated us for much longer. Please forgive me. She does. He breathes out a sigh of relief.

But he has to get one more off his chest. The conversation MC had with Phil. I really don't like him. He was already angry as he read the chat between Phil and Jessica, in which Phil wants to know if she's dating someone. Tz...

He doesn't want to feel like that; he doesn't want to be jealous, but MC said she would go to Duskwood, meet him at the Aurora. On the one hand, he doesn't want her to go because it's too dangerous; on the other hand, he doesn't want her to meet Phil.

She says she will not go... that's not enough...

Well, she promised me. Thank you MC.

The next time they talk about the attack on Richy, Alan, Ted, the bracelet and Amy.

He smiles, you are like me... I don't want to rest either, but you have to. Just for a while.

He closes the chat, streches, and leaves his room to grab something to drink. He passes a spa area with a whirlpool. He stops and finds himself thinking about being in this area with MC. Just him and her. Relaxing. Nice thought; I hope it will become reality one day.

He steps out of the motel, breathing in the fresh air, and his gaze falls on a Chinese restaurant. I wonder if she likes Chinese food. I will ask her next time he thinks, feeling that he gets nervous. Talking isn't his strength.

He heads back to his room, and right in this moment, a message from MC pops up.

Oh okay... the time has come that the others want me in the group chat; they want to know everything we have found out so far.

I knew this would happen sooner or later.

Allright MC, I'll do it for you. But first, you must remove Richy from the chat; the kidnapper could use his phone and read up on everything.

Just trust me...Well done. Let's go.

Shortly after he joins the chat, Dan attacks him with questions.

Yes, I should have seen this coming too. I know you don't like me. But that doesn't matter. You trust her, and that's enough for our investigations.

Thank you for trying to protect me, MC, but I'll manage.

In the next few hours, he and MC tell the group everything they found out. Partly, he felt sorry that he told the group things that MC didn't know either.

But otherwise, it's good to fill in the group. They want to help.

After a lot of information, he opens the chat between him and her.

Both of them don't know what to feel.

But there's no time to be sad, there's still a lot of work to do.

Jake introduces her to find out something relevant in a forum about Amy.

He laughs as she typed in the password wrong. Sorry, bad habit. He changes it into an easy one. Good luck, MC.

Later, he looks out the window, seeing the restaurant again.

He takes a deep breath, opens their chat, and asks

And then they finally talk about their feelings for each other.

She imagines being close to him, looking into each other's eyes; no words are needed to understand each other; kissing...

The butterflies are back again. A lot more than ever before.

I have the same thoughts. I want to be with you so badly...

Part 7

[phanfictioncatalogue]

20k Words Masterlist

Act Naturally (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: Phil has a quiet life studying film at university and some small dreams of being a director he’s mostly ignoring, but his whole life is turned upside down when his roommate signs him up for a game show and he meets the famously arrogant movie star Daniel Howell

all signs point to yes (ao3) - vvelna

Summary: After being fired from his job at a coffee shop in Gatwick Airport, Dan impulsively hops on a flight to Orlando, Florida, where he’s taken in by a family on holiday.

All We Seem to Do Is Talk About Sex (ao3) - truerequitedlove

Summary: In which Dan’s got a boyfriend and a tongue piercing, and Phil’s got a weed hookup and an anxiety disorder. In high school, they were labeled “bad influences on each other,” maybe that would never go away.

because we are fools (ao3) - queerofcups

He realizes it calmly at first, and then suddenly with more clarity. He’s in love with Phil. But he absolutely cannot be in love with Phil.

Breathe Fire Into My Heart (ao3) - Finally_Facing_Failure

Summary: Dan Howell lives in a world were dragons fly the skies, with riders on their backs. He has to train to become a rider, even though he doesn’t want to. The upside? A boy named Phil who trains beside him.

Chance (ao3) - cafephan

Summary: Phil Lester is a nobleman in the country of Bennia, and his family must put forward a suitor for the Princess’ hand in marriage later in the month. During his last night in Manchester, he encounters charismatic Dan Howell, resulting in them both taking a chance.

Devotion (ao3) - roryonice

Summary: Dan is a ballerina who’s practicing for an audition at Julliard, but he’s afraid of performing in front of other people. He meets Phil, who’s gathering photos for his art portfolio, and Phil helps Dan come out of his shell in an interesting way.

Do You Know How in Love With You I Am (Please Notice) (ao3) - phantasticworks

Summary: Dan works at a small paper company, but the brightside to this boring career is that his best friend Phil is just a few feet away at reception. The downside to this is that he’s hopelessly, irrevocably in love with said best friend. Oh, and Phil is engaged, too.

Feel Good Inc. - melancholymango

Summary: Dan is your local sexually ambiguous religious boy. Phil is your local bad boy that sleeps with anyone that’ll have him and sins as if second nature. Then there’s also the poor original character that gets caught between them and their ridiculous amount of sexual tension. Threesomes, eh?

from up here you can’t beat the view (just watch me now) (ao3) -  kishere, maybeformepersonally

Summary: It’s 2009 and Dan finds Phil on the internet when a well-meaning mate of his recommends him to a certain site she likes. Dan quickly becomes a fan: watching Phil’s videos religiously and interacting with him on his socials. And, soon enough, Phil starts noticing him. A familiar enough story on the surface but here’s the catch: Phil has never been involved with YouTube. Phil is a camboy.

I Choose You (ao3) - Phandiction

Summary: Phil’s parents have decided to adopt and Phil’s thrilled to finally have a brother. When he meets Dan they hit it off but little did he know his parents had decided to bring home a little girl instead. Phil spends the next nine years visiting Dan at the orphanage. One day Dan unexpectedly goes outside the lines of friendship and Phil isn’t sure if he’s ready for that.

i feel a kick down in my soul (ao3) - chickenfree

Summary: “I’m going to obliterate you,” he says, taking a few long steps towards Phil.

Phil runs. It takes him a minute to realize the ball is in the opposite direction.

I Found (ao3) - wildflowerhowell

Summary: Dan Howell and Phil Lester hate each other, and everyone at the Ida Gatley school of dance knows it. So what happens when the two are paired together to choreograph and perform a duet at England’s most renowned contemporary dance competition?

I’m A Stitch Away From Making It (And A Scar Away From Falling Apart) - waverlysangels

Summary: Dan Howell is ‘the next big thing’ and Phil Lester is not good for publicity, will the increasing fame create tensions that simply cannot be overcome?

i will follow where this takes me (ao3) - curiosityandrain

Summary: Dan has a great life, he has an amazing job as a photographer and he lives in New York. Phil is an independent filmmaker who hires Dan to be his cinematographer for his upcoming feature film after his usual cinematographer was involved in an accident. The two hit it off and become instant friends. Weeks of working together everyday helps develop their friendship and slowly but surely, Dan realises his feelings for Phil run deeper than just friendship. The only problem is, Phil’s taken.

knight of wands (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Some days are just boring.

(And some aren't.)

Love That Passes (Is Enough) (ao3) - nihilist_toothpaste

Summary: Phil is a sad divorcee who lives in a mansion. Dan starts as a nervous and weirdly loud law student hired to work part-time as Phil's poolboy-slash-housekeeper and turns into so much more.

Just go with me on this.

More at Eleven (ao3) - TwistedRocketPower

Summary: Phil Lester, the most beloved meteorologist at Southeast News, isn't sure of many things in his life. One thing he is sure of, however, is that he absolutely hates the new entertainment news anchor, Dan Howell.

No Angels (ao3) - ahsuga, danthrusts

Summary: Dan and Phil are detectives investigating the ongoing murders of citizens throughout London

Project Poliwag (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil hadn't intended for his garden to become a haven for rescued Pokémon, but it had happened accidentally. This particular rescue wasn't that different, even though he had never rescued 117 Pokémon at once before. But he couldn't leave the Pokémon eggs to be destroyed, and he was willing to raise a whole army of Poliwag on his own if he must.

What Phil hadn't counted on was a stranger with a lost look in his eye turning up on his doorstep and offering to help with the project.

Something So Strong (ao3) - Allthephils

Summary: Dan and Phil were the best of friends with some incredible benefits. Over a decade apart did nothing to weaken the bond between them but rekindling their friendship isn’t as simple as it should be.

The Parent Trap (ao3) - starsatellite

Summary: Alexandra Lester and Charlotte Howell are in for a big surprise at their summer camp when they realize they have the same face. After, literally, putting the pieces together they find out the big secret their parents hid from them when they were born. Now, all they want is to set them back up again - but these things aren’t always so easy.

(There’s Gotta Be) More To Life (ao3) - DisasterSoundtrack

Summary: Dan Howell finally gets a dog he dreamt of. Walking the dog every morning, he discovers many things about his neighbourhood, but, above all, one particularly attractive dad.

Unraveling - yuurisnice

Summary: Dan knew he was different from other children very early on. He never lost his ‘imaginary friends’, they only became a more integral part of his life. Living with his illness is never easy and with a secret as large as his, cracks are bound to appear. While he isn’t ashamed of his DID, he knows the consequences of telling the wrong people.

[gayengineers]

If you don’t mind, how were people annoying during Dan’s most recent show?

I there! I don't want to be harsh about the other fans, I really did meet some great ones as well.

I personally think people were being annoying for various reasons.

A lot were acting very entitled and rude towards the venue staff who were simply doing their jobs. I think it was the level of entitlement that annoyed me the most. Fans were almost shaming others for really stupid things and were generally just really irritating. I don't think they were intentionally being dickheads to the staff. But this is something I have seen a lot with people in fandoms. Just so many people with superiority complexes and too big of an ego.

There was also a lot of comparing who had the most merch or was the most insane for Dan. Tbh there were times it was actually quite concerning the things they were saying. Like a 26 stating she has Dan and Phil cut outs in her room, shes got 6 copies of all their books and has to watch their videos every single day. I just worry about people like that, like do they really not have anything else going on?

Amongst all this, the lack of social awareness, armchair diagnosing and showing off about failing university I just found myself feeling like I'd jumped back into 2014.

There was also someone cosplaying as Phil, which idk always makes me feel weird. Like he isn't a character? He's a real person??

But yeah, I just really hate fandom culture a lot of the time and like the fans it breeds. I'm quite happy in my little corner and I don't wish to change it. If they're happy doing what they're doing, fine. But they do need to learn social awareness and how to respect others. Especially those who are simply working at the venue.

Sorry for the long reply!!

[glueeater]

a core memory of mine is being 11 years old and at the height of my dan and phil obsession, just after i had spent months panicking and losing my mind over the realisation that i was gay and a little bit in love with my best friend (who was also not my best friend and would bully me constantly but i didn’t know at the time because im autistic). she was also a big fan of dnp and introduced me to them and one day she suddenly cut me off and decided we weren’t friends anymore and only hung out with her real best friend who was homophobic which i knew because one time she told us she didn’t watch dan and phil bc she thought phil was gay and that dan wasn’t but over time phil had “turned him gay” (also a few years ago i heard that she threw a sleepover party and halfway through the night she found out one of the girls there was a lesbian so she forced her to go home) anyway she didn’t like me because i think she could just tell somehow and so she kinda hated me and would encourage my friend to bully me even though when we were seven i saved her life when she was choking rlly badly on a strawberry which i saw and realised all the teachers were too far away to get to so i did the heimlich remover on her and she spat out the strawberry. anyway because of this falling out for a month i cried multiple times for hours every single day and i was so heartbroken over it that i refused to watch dan’s new upload (internet support group 6 i think) which i had never done before (i had seen every one of their videos up until this point) because even that reminded me of the girl i liked and it caused me physical pain to think abt her and i was so distraught at the thought that i would watch this video and not be able to talk to her about it at school the next day that i decided it wasn’t worth it and i didn’t deserve to watch it because whatever i had done to make her not talk to me (i didn’t know and still don’t) must make me a terrible person even though i knew at the time that watching this video was the only thing that would for sure would make me feel happy anyway this is what made me first think that maybe i have depression.

[weskrrr]

Dan from Law,

Phil from Media & Editing

hello ! this is my first dan & phil fic, so enjoy. sorry followers if yall dont fw this.. NO SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER, WILL BE IN CHAP 2.

AO3 LINK

this is NOT a oneshot & will be updated frequently (i actually have chapt 2 quarterly finished as i post this!), i will update this post with links to next chapters at the end as the fic continues.

update : chap 2

Tags ;

office AU, Dan & Phil are NOT YouTubers!, Dan being a coffee SLUTTTTT, Dan getting a lil crush

THE SONG I LISTENED WHILE WRITING THIS :3

Dan woke up, starting his daily rituals. He had been trying to improve himself, half because he wanted to feel less shit, half because he wanted to be appealing enough that someone else would help him feel less shit.

He hadn’t had a relationship since 2019, which was brief and uneventful.

He opened his curtains (of which were basically falling off the shitty rod his landlord wouldn’t fix), hoping to open it to some sun. He knew that was unrealistic. He peered over London from his stupid-expensive apartment’s stupidly-shit window. His view was nothing interesting, at all. It was just buildings, cars. Very corporate, very regular.

He had a brisk shower, long enough to be sanitary but not long enough to the point he has to take out a mortgage to pay his water bill in 3 days.

He got himself ready for work, ready to get in his barely-working car and drive to his barely-paying-the-bills job. And he done so.

He drove, parked and trudged into the building. He looks at the mini Costa Coffee in the lobby lovingly, but decides not to treat himself as he didnt get paid for another 6 days and was living off of off-brand pot noodles. Instead, he steps into one of the 4 elevators in the lobby.

Theres a few people in the elevator with him. He gives a small nod at them as he enters. He presses the ‘7’ button, there was many other buttons already lit up.

His eyes surveyed the small group alongside him in the elevator, trying to see if there was anyone off of his floor - but he couldn’t recognise anyone.

There was an overweight short woman with greying hair, she was 5’4 maybe, a tall blonde man who was staring down at his phone, hm, and a man in a business suit who looked like an outsider here for a meeting possibly.

After around a minute, he gets to his floor and steps out. He wasnt the last, he had been stranded alone with the suit man for a floor or two now. Dan gives him a small, straight-lined smile as he steps out.

He walks towards the kitchen that was shared between floors 6 to 9 and begins to grab for his favourite mug - a faded mug with some star-wars quote on it.

When he couldnt feel it where he put it the day previous, he furrows his eyebrows. He focuses more on finding his mug, digging through the cupboard, getting at least 3 weird stares from others.

Whatever, someone could’ve just…not known it was his…although it did have his name scribbled on the bottom in sharpie. They might not of looked, it’s whatever. He’ll get it back eventually. Even if he’d prefer to get it back now.

He grabs a napkin and a nearly ran out BIC pen from a pocket in his trousers. He scribbles ‘If star-wars mug found, please return to Dan Howell from law, office 324’ on the napkin, ripping it in multiple places, and leaves it in the mug-cupboard.

He grabs some plain one, one he knew was unclaimed (because he checks, like a normal human being…) and made his coffee.

He takes a sip, burning his lip in the process, but, hey, he was caffeinated, could he complain? Yes, he could, he wants his Star Wars mug back. Twat.

He walks to his cubicle and gets to work once his cup is secured on his desk. He was a bit ticked off about his star-wars mug, but he puts it to the back of his mind as he begins to draft up an email for his client he was helping currently.

About 2.5 hours later, theres a knock at his ajar cubicle door. He looks up, “Come in.” he says, his voice a bit too posh for his liking (it always got like that if he was surprised with the dreaded human interaction.)

He recognises the man who steps into his cubicle, and he recognises the mug he’s holding even more. It was the tall blonde man from the elevator, and it was his beloved mug.

“Hi, sorry, uhm..” The man starts, Dan’s eyes are focused up at him, locking onto the man’s own. “I didn’t know there were claimed mugs, I only started last week. Here’s your mug.” He says, putting out his hand with the mug. Dan could see his passive-aggressive napkin/note in-between the blonde’s fingers. “Ah, or would you rather I put it in the sink in the kitchen?” He interrupts himself and pulls his arm back.

Dan just looks up at him dotingly, before he extends his arm and taking his mug back into his safe confines (his hands). “It’s fine here, Yoda has had more than enough travel for today.” Dan slaps himself mentally once he says that, that seemed twat-ish. He clears his throat.

The blonde man nods softly, “I’m Phil. From Media and Editing. Sorry, uhm...” He splutters his sentence off, continuing it once he glances at the napkin again. “Sorry, Dan from Law, office 324.” Phil adds, finishing off his sentence as he begins to turn to leave Daniel’s cubicle.

“Nice to meet you, Phil from media and editing.” Dan says before Phil leaves earshot.

Phil. Simple name. Although, Dan had a feeling Phil maybe wasnt too simple.

[femmmie]

I had no idea you liked star trek too, I just knew you for smosh and Dan and Phil. That's so cool!! Would you be willing to write a little ianthony star trek au? Or have you already? No problem if not, I know that's kinda vague. Love your blog btw :)

Yes I LOVE Star Trek! I literally had so much fun writing this, it got a bit out of control LOL! But yeah I hope you like it!!

The logical choice

Words: 2,436

Genre: action/adventure, a Star Trek episode, first kiss

Rating: teen or general audiences

Read on AO3:

"Captain's log, stardate ???[writer's note: I can't do math!]. What would have been a diplomatic mission to Vulcan, a completely safe route, turned out to become something quite different. Ian was going to let our starship T'hy'la be blessed, and we would join a Vulcan fleet to covertly inspect the edges of Federation space. But all of a sudden, we were violently sucked into a wormhole, and were spat out, smack dab in the middle of the Delta Quadrant."

Anthony paused. He looked out of the window of his suite. He'd read a lot about Captain Janeway's voyages through this quadrant, and her years long quest to get back home. Panic stirred deep within him. He shut his eyes tightly and took a few deep breaths.

"We've been stranded here for a few days now. Chief Agnew, Ensign Bowe and their crew have been hard at work to repair the damage done by the violent yanking through space that T'hy'la has endured. Our deflector shields malfunctioned and structural integrity scraped by within an inch of collapsing. I truly believe that a bout of fate has saved us."

His communicator chimed. It was a benign sound, but it still made him jump.

"Captain, we've done all we can. Technically the ship works, but we lost a lot of deuterium. We repaired the injection subsystem, Tommy really outdid himself. But it's no use, we can't start with this little fuel."

"Thank you, Spencer," Anthony answered, trying to sound comforting. "You've done well. it may be time for us to try and reach out for help."

The door beeped.

"Come in."

"Captain," Ian strode into the room.

Anthony's Number One, and a Vulcan, Ian somehow always calmed Anthony down. And it was better, the closer they stood to each other.

"Number One, please tell me what you think of the situation?"

"We have done short- and long range scans, and have found no life-forms or ships. However," Ian raised one sharp eyebrow, "We did scan a gaseous nebula. It's all around us and could be the reason our sensors didn't pick anything up. Although it is not without risk, logic suggests we send out a distress signal."

"Agreed." Anthony sighed. Who knows what kind of aliens were out and about here, but they might as well try.

~

"Amanda, what's the matter?" Mister Topp, the ship's EMH, asked with kind, light-blue eyes.

"Shayne, I feel something big," she collapsed dramatically on a medical bed in the sickbay. "It's something I've never felt before, and you know I sense almost anything, being quarter Betazoid. "I- I don't know. It's not good, but also not evil. It's just... something infinite, almost. Like an ultimate power. It makes me dizzy."

"Well," Shayne smirked, "Courtney was just here, and her ego does tend to be infinitely big. I guess her Klingon side gives her the extra confidence." He sighed. "But she could be a bit nicer to me."

"Shayne," Trevor intervened. "You were flirting with her the entire time. She wasn't even here for a medical exam. She just checked in on us to see if everything was safe and you insisted she take three different blood tests! I'd be annoyed too," he laughed.

"I wish I could sense how you're feeling," Amanda beamed at Shayne. "But I can't sense a hologram. I do know how Courtney feels, though..." She winked at Shayne, who blushed.

"Amanda, it seems like you're back to normal. Please report back here if that changes again. Bye now!"

"Not without my hug," she teased.

"Why do Betazoids always want to hug!"

"I think it's just her," Trevor giggled.

"Get in here!" Amanda commanded. After the group hug, she went back to her Ship's counsellor's office.

Her communicator chimed.

"Hello commander Hecox," she smiled, as she sat down and crossed her legs over the couch, usually reserved for her patients.

"Counsellor Lehan-Canto. We need to talk."

~

Keith, the ship's Conn officer, observed the Bridge while captain Padilla was resting. He had never thought he'd be this far from home, but there he was, in the Delta Quadrant. Strangely, he wasn't worried. He looked at the beautiful multicolored nebula outside.

Suddenly, he got a transmission request.

"Captain, to the Bridge, we're being hailed!"

Not a moment later, Anthony walked in. "On screen," he commanded.

"WELL WELL WELL," a grinning, huffing alien said to them. "WHAT HAVE WE HERE!!! A NICE STARFLEET SHIP, NO LESS! "WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO FAR FROM HOME?"

"This is captain Anthony Padilla of the starship T'hy'la. I assume you received our distress call."

"WE SURE DID, RIGHT, GUYS?" the alien looked at two very beautiful and scantily-clothed people on each side of her.

"Oh yes, Angela, we sure did," one of them replied with a honey-sweet voice.

"YES, WE DID, CAPTAIN. LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF. I'M ANGELA, AND THESE ARE MY FRIENDS CHANSE AND ARASHA. And..." Angela lowered her voice menacingly, "you have invaded OUR space."

"We've been sucked into a wormhole against our will and are stranded here without deuterium. We could trade you for it, We have latinum on board. Don't Ferengi always like a good deal?

"HA! YOU THINK YOU KNOW THE FERENGI HUH! Yeah, we do always want a good deal. But I don't think you'll be able to give us one. Your starship is called T'hy'la? HA! What a weak Vulcan/human hybrid concept. Don't you know the Rules of Acquisition? Rule 21: Never place friendship above profit. So, my little FRIEND, why don't you give your ship to me, and I will send you on your way back to the wormhole?"

Anthony scoffed. "I'm sorry, but have you scanned our ship? We could easily defeat you."

"Well..." Angela smirked even wider, and scratched behind her enormous ear. "I guess I didn't make myself clear. If you DON'T give me your ship, you will be dealing with my friends. Not these idiots here," she gestured to Chanse and Arasha. "I mean them."

And in one moment, all hope left Anthony's soul: two large, square spaceships emerged. It was the Borg.

" HAHAHA! You have one hour to respond!"

Angela disconnected.

"Red Alert," Anthony commanded.

~

The sirens were wailing through the ship.

"Not Red Alert again? We just fixed up the entire ship!" Tommy threw up his hands in exasperation.

Spencer put his gloved hand on his shoulder. "I was really hoping we could go to the holodeck and play DnD again. But it's not in the cards for us this time."

"Sword and shield in hand," Tommy bumped his shoulder into Spencer.

"Saving the day, just like we do everyday at work!"

"Even though I never get a promotion!"

"You really should, Tommy."

They were play-fighting with their engineer gear, and seeing Spencer laugh and goof off, suddenly made Tommy realize something. He was in love with his boss.

"Hey, why'd you stop?" Spencer was still booping him with a pretend-sword.

"You're adorable."

"Dude. I know."

"I mean... I..."

"AB," Ian said, walking quickly past them.

"Did he make up a nickname for us?!" Tommy said, wide-eyed. "Do Vulcans do that?"

"I think Amanda has been teaching him to be more normal, I mean, better at communication. Not doing that is normal for a Vulcan, of course."

"Imagine them together in a room!" Tommy laughed. A Vulcan and a Betazoid, they couldn't be more opposite!"

"Well, if I can sense anything, it's that those two have some chemistry going on," Spencer said with a smug look on his face. "I mean, she calls everyone 'imzadi' but her voice is softer when she says it to Ian. Huh... But sorry, you were going to say something?"

"Oh..." Tommy blushed. "Nevermind..."

~

"Ian, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Amanda visited Ian's quarters. It was very clean and neat and indeed very Vulcan.

"Please, sit," Ian gestured to the one table in the room, with two small chairs.

They both sat down. Amanda couldn't help but feel attracted to Ian's stoic earnest. And he was cute, too...

"I heard you sensed a presence, ever since we've been stranded here."

"Yes! I have been, and it seems like it's getting stronger too! If that is even possible. It's like we're at the epicenter of something."

"I sense it too."

"You do?"

"Yes. We Vulcans might not show our emotions, but we feel a lot of things. And I have felt this once before. Amanda, we are in grave danger."

~

"Ia- Number One!" Anthony was so glad to see Ian as he walked onto the Bridge.

"We are very much outnumbered, captain," Ian said. "It would be logical to surrender."

Ian walked closer to Anthony. Anthony sighed in relief. Whatever would come next, he could bear it with Ian at his side.

"But I advice against it."

"What?"

"The Ferengi woman is the obvious culprit, luring ships here to loot and then let them be assimilated by the Borg. However... She is not the one in control here."

Ian and Anthony heard clapping behind them.

"Well done, commander Hecox," a woman with long black hair, dressed in all black, spoke.

"Who are you?" Anthony demanded.

"She is Q, the most powerful being in the universe."

"You know her, Ian?"

"I know her, from long ago. She called herself Olivia Sui then."

"And I kept my eye on you, Ian. I expected great things from you! And even though you are obviously the smartest one on this ship of idiots, you've become boring! You used to make me laugh, Ian..."

Anthony felt a sudden annoyance at this Q. Why was she so interested in his Number One?!

"What do you want, Q?"

"What do I want?! I want to laugh again, damnit! So," and she snapped her fingers, and the entire ship was gone. Instead, he, Ian and Amanda stood in an empty, white world. Angela, Arasha and Chanse were also there. "If you make me laugh first, I'll zap you straight home! But if not... then you're back at the mercy of Angela here."

Amanda, Anthony and Ian huddled together.

"So, is she an ex of yours or something?" Amanda whispered.

"We were betrothed once."

"What?!" Anthony fumed.

"Ha, your anger amuses me already, captain. But I'm not laughing just yet!"

Anthony looked straight at Q, and began to mime. Physical humor was his strong suit. He fell over, mimed that he was stuck, rolled over the ground... to no avail.

"You failed! Next!"

Angela walked forward.

"SO, HERE'S THE JOKE! TWO BARS OF LATINUM WALKED ACROSS THE STREET! AND ONE OF THEM SAID, LET ME WALK IN THE MIDDLE NOW"

"Elementary concept, expertly executed," Q said. "But not enough to make me laugh. NEXT!"

Amanda walked forward. She got really close to Q, and Anthony felt Ian tense up. He took his hand. Ian squeezed extremely hard. He probably forgot his Vulcan strength for a second.

Wait, did Ian care this much about Amanda? Were they- was Ian just dating everyone and Anthony didn't know it? He figured, he couldn't blame the girls. Ian was so handsome, so strong...

"I guess you don't know who I am," Amanda began. "I am the daughter of Deanna Troi and William Riker. That makes me one quarter Betazoid... and I sense that you don't want to laugh at all. You want to FEEL something. And I'll give it to you. I've reached a certain age, you know..." Amanda tip-toed her fingers up Q's arm.

"Give mommy a smooch!"

"Noo, no, get away from me!" Q took a few steps away.

"HA! THERE, YOU GIGGLED!"

"Did not!"

"I saw it! You laughed, Q!"

"Okay, fine, I did! But I'm not done just yet! I guess I will zap you and your stupid ship back home.... after.... THEY kiss."

"Who?"

"The captain and his Number One."

"What?" Ian and Anthony said in sync.

"Yeah, hahaha! That will really make my day! Don't tell me you haven't sensed it, Betazoid? They are all in."

Amanda looked down. She really liked Ian and he liked her too, but she knew that his heart belonged to his captain. On all their intergalactic adventures, Ian had saved Anthony so many times and vice versa, they had developed an unbreakable bond. They had never acted on it before, but now, apparently it was the only thing that would save them.

"So, you cooked up this whole charade, just to get them to kiss?"

"What? It's not a charade, I'm eternally bored, I had to think of something!"

Q walked up to Ian and Anthony. "Now, do the thing," she said, pressing her two index fingers together.

Ian looked at Anthony. The intense warmth of his brown eyes overwhelmed the Vulcan. He would normally never show it, in fact he had never given Anthony a clue that he was interested. But he was. All the times he had seen Anthony change clothes, when Anthony had hugged him after they were safe from danger, he had never reciprocated. But now, he had no choice.

"It's only logical that we do this. But I have to confess, Anthony... I've been longing for a kiss from you for an eternity. And I need to know if you're okay with it now."

Anthony blushed deeply. Was Ian just saying this because of the situation? Why did he make it more dramatic than it needed to be? "Ian... Have you really? I've loved you for such a long time... And I've also always wanted an opportunity to kiss you. But I never dared, I never thought it was appropriate, seeing as I'm your captain and all."

"Yes, you acted logically as well."

"Ian..."

Anthony took Ian's chin between his fingers and pushed it upwards.

"Excellent!" Q said, but they didn't hear her.

"Anthony..." Anthony saw a wild fire ignite between Ian's eyes. It was scary but Anthony wasn't afraid. He pressed his lips agains Ian's.

Ian growled and kissed him back, grabbing on Anthony's curls. Anthony couldn't believe the feeling. It was scorching hot, but so, so comfortable. He wanted to stay like this forever.

When he opened his eyes, they were back on the T'hy'la and back in the Alpha Quadrant.

"Are you okay, captain?"

Anthony looked at Ian. He could cry. Nobody remembered anything, except for him.

"I- I need to take a break..."

He walked off the bridge. As if by magic, Amanda was waiting for him there.

"Captain, I sensed your emotions, they quickly heightened. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I think that's best, Counsellor."

"Come on, I'll take you to my office."

[otdiaftg]

The Raven King - Chapter Two

Day: Wednesday, August 30th Time: 8:30 PM EST *Art used with permission by @ouijacine

"Why didn't Aaron know he had a brother?" Nicky winced, but Neil didn't know what bothered him more: the question or the rough edge in Matt's voice. "They're twins," Nicky said. He waited for them to catch on, looked from one blank face to another, and frowned disbelief. "Think about it for a sec, would you? Imagine you're my Aunt Tilda. How eager would you be to tell Aaron you gave up his brother at birth? She hoped that secret would stay buried forever." "But Aaron found out," Neil said. Nicky flashed Neil a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah, and that's why I believe in fate. See, Aaron was born and raised in San Jose. Apparently Aunt Tilda got bored of dating locally and started going to online matching sites. Right after Aaron turned thirteen Aunt Tilda hooked up with this new guy up in Oakland. Her boyfriend thought they should meet at a Raiders game, something nice and public and fun, so she stuffed Aaron in the car and off they went. Aaron said he was at the concession stand when this cop walked up, calling him Andrew and talking like they knew each other. Aaron thought he was either crazy or confused, but it didn't take the cop long to figure out something was wrong." "Higgins," Matt guessed. "Yeah. Soon as Higgins figured out he had the wrong brother he made Aaron take him back to where Aunt Tilda was. See, Higgins thought Aunt Tilda was another foster mother and that Aaron and Andrew had somehow gotten split up in the system. Higgins wanted to reunite them, so Aunt Tilda gave him her phone number to pass along and took Aaron home again. I don't know why she bothered. Maybe she was too embarrassed to say no or didn't want to explain to a cop what was going on. Either way, Andrew's foster mother called the next day to set up a meet-and-greet, and Aunt Tilda refused. She told the fosters she didn't want anything to do with Andrew, didn't want to know what he was like or how he was doing, nothing. She even made them promise to not contact her ever again." Nicky finished his second drink and mixed a third. "But Aaron knew who was calling, and he was too excited to wait on his mom to hang up to find out the details. As soon as she picked up in the kitchen, he ran to her bedroom and listened in on the upstairs phone. That's how he found out the truth." Nicky looked down at his drink. "Aaron said it was the worst day of his life."

"Jesus," Matt said. "I don't blame him. Did he tell her he'd heard her?" "Oh, yeah. Aaron said they had it out. But Aunt Tilda wouldn't budge, so Aaron went behind her back and called the Oakland PD. He found the PAL coordinators and gave them his information to give to Andrew. Two weeks later he got a letter in the mail that basically said 'Fuck you, go away'." Matt rubbed at his temples. "Yeah, that sounds like Andrew." "Some things never change," Nicky said. "So how'd Aaron change Andrew's mind?" Dan asked. Nicky gave her an odd look. "He didn't." "Wait," Dan said. "What do you mean, he didn't?" "I mean he didn't try again. I don't know who told Andrew's foster parents about Aaron, if it was Andrew or this Phil guy, but Andrew's foster mom wrote Aaron a letter. She wanted Aaron to try again in spring and said something about holidays being rough and there being a lot of changes at the house. So Aaron waited, but he waited too long. In March Andrew went off to juvie, and Aaron started rethinking this brother thing. Two months later Aunt Tilda sold the house in San Jose and moved Aaron to Columbia." Dan looked bewildered. "Then when did they meet?" "Dad found out about Andrew five years ago, so..." Nicky counted time on his fingers. "Four and a half years ago, give or take a bit. Dad went to California to interview Andrew's foster family and stop by juvie. A month later he flew Aaron out so Aaron and Andrew could talk, but I don't count that half-hour supervised session as a first meeting. They met for real when Andrew made early parole a year later and Dad bullied Aunt Tilda into bringing Andrew home." Nicky nursed his drink for a bit. "Weird when you think about it, right? They've only really known each other for three years." "That's messed up," Matt said. "Yeah, and that's the nice version of the story," Nicky said. "Anyway, that's how Aaron and Andrew know Higgins. I don't know why he's calling Andrew now, but I'm not going to ask. I kind of view Andrew's foster life as an off-limits topic. I don't bring it up until he does." "Is that really okay?" Dan asked. "It didn't sound like a 'Long time no see' kind of phone call. What if someone's dug up some past crime of his that could get him taken off our court? Maybe Phil was calling to warn him about an investigation." "Andrew will take care of it," Nicky said. "That's not comforting," Dan said, but she let it drop.

Art used with permission by Ouijacine.

[purpurussy]

id love to know more about your dinok au <333

thank you for asking <3 + sorry for responding to this a little late! i'm having trouble formulating my thoughts on it atm

my concept is that dan never found phil's channel, never met him, went to uni and married a girl he met there, and became a somewhat unsuccessful legal professional because he fucking hates his job. the vibe for him is that he kinda just let life drag him along, without really allowing himself to actually Live, and now he's in too deep to just come out as gay... like he's experiencing some insane cognitive dissonance dshshglk. coping through denial+alcohol has been working okay for him so far but now his career is flopping heavily and his marriage is falling apart bc he doesn't want kids (obviously) and his wife starting to suspect something is up. he meets phil through a mutual friend who he plays final fantasy with, they start talking via discord and then it's like "but wait what's this? my god it's manic pixie dream girl phil lester with a steel chair"

it's very angsty, slow burn, will they/won't they. but trust that phil is gonna see this sopping wet mess of a man and say "i can fix him" (and then dan will fix himself because i don't like that trope <3 but he needs phil to help him see that he can live his truth and be happy yk)

it's kinda hard to write because it's a bit depressing... i'm finally getting to the part where they meet irl and things start to turn around, but so far it's just been dan drinking to cope and feeling lonely :( i'm trying to go back and edit some humor into it to make it less upsetting to read lmfao. although it's fun to create a contrast between how bad dan's life fucking sucks and how much joy and whimsy he finds in talking to phil <3 it's also just really hard to write denial/cognitive dissonance if that makes sense? there's a lot to explore psychologically. and also I don't want to frame dan's beard wife as an antagonist, I feel like it would be very easy to demonize her but she's not to blame for this mess ykwim. like i don't want dan to be a "my bitch wife" kinda guy DSGSHGKG he's just scared. and the story is supposed to be about him being brave and healing, and realizing that a better life is possible. like he is his own antagonist dslskfghgjkl

I'm also enjoying the concept of the timeline roughly following their irl 2009 timeline. like they start talking around dan's 33rd birthday, meet on october 19th etc. i like the idea of some things being kinda constants even in a different timeline

anyway they just voice chat for a while and get to know each other without actually even knowing what the other looks like. and they lowkey fall in love even before they've even seen each other. so here is them seeing pics of each other for the first time and dying in a tragic double penis explosion incident

(earlier on phil tried to be like "why are you gay? you are gay." but dan just got scared and dodged the question so now he's not even out to phil . can you believe. that's gonna be real awkward when they start making out sloppy style 3 chapters later)

(also i just realized i've written [dan] like a million times while writing this LMAO that did not actually click for me until now)

sorry for rambling for ages! i'm so tired atm so i can't really be coherent lmao.

i really wanna post this once it's done, but i'm worried it'll be too sad and angsty at the beginning and people won't be into it 😭 i'm probably not doing a good job selling this but it'll be okay i promise

also shoutout to the people who helped me brainstorm dan's username! i havent decided yet but i like the idea of him picking something generic at first, and then changing it to something more meaningful as he goes on his little journey of self-discovery

[gayporcelain]

9 people you'd like to get to know better

tagged: @the-tenth-arcanum

tagging: @sexy-sapphic-sorcerer @oleryn @kissme-withyour-cherrylipstick @cwilbah @kairenn-n @agapantoblu @sentinel-babes @greyhoundsix

three non romantic duos:

1. Abby and Lev (The Last of Us: Part Two) - they are EVERYTHING to me. It's about the found family. How they should hate each other and they did hate each other but they saved each other's lives? They learn so much from each other, overcome their fear and ignorance of the other side - and they help each other so much. It's how Lev sees the good in Abby when Abby thinks she is nothing but a killing machine, and that it's all she's good for, and how protecting Lev becomes Abby's new focus and actually saves her life, makes her want to live for them both. (the fact that she learns this lesson FAR quicker than Ellie does - and she gets to keep her new family because of it - just kill me) Their dynamic is SO fucking excellent. Lev not getting any references and Abby teaching him. They BOTH lose their homes and their families and become each others again - like come onnnnn - this line kills me offff

I could write a separate essay about these two. I'm really trying to keep this short.

2. The Doctor and Donna Noble. Listen - David Tennant and Catherine Tate's dynamic is unmatched and I cherish their episodes together. They're best friends! It was probably one of the first on-screen platontic male & female duos that I'd seen as a kid, and that was so refreshing.

3. Ellie and Joel (The Last of Us) - I was trying really hard not to do another one from TLOU but. Here we are. Again I'm a sucker for found family and fuckkkkkk does this go hard. I could talk for days. Traumatised killing machine unwillingly adopts rebel child and finds reason to live again? Don't talk to me about the parallels between these two and Abby and Lev

honourable mentions to Merlin and Gwen but you guys know I love them.

a ship that might surprise others: idk man. don't think there is one

last song: probably something from my beloved, hand-crafted 6 hour long halloween playlist. that thing is like a child to me I LOVE it. I birthed it

last film: LONGLEGS. been trying to watch a fuck load of horror to make up for the fact I've not watched that much over the past few months. also rewatched Us and Get Out, and watched It Follows for the first time

currently reading: the book I was reading before sucked so I've given up on it I'm yet to choose my next one - will probably be either Under the Dome (Stephen King) or an arthurian one

currently watching: a LOT of dan and phil. shut up

currently consuming: again I don't know what this means. I'm making pasta for tea?

currently craving: MORE TIME. i have too many fic ideas and art ideas and too many wips and my job keeps expecting me to go to it? gross

[local-hyena]

I've been playing The Sims 4 lately. The Sims was THE game I wanted to buy but my mom wouldn't let me because she said I'd spend all my time playing it and do nothing else. BUT I found out that The Sims 4 (base game) is now free, so I downloaded it earlier this year. I found out because my best friend, who has The Sims 4 on her ps4 told me while we were playing. We made a knockoff Jesus but then her ps4 broke so we can't play anymore.

So uh since I watch a lot of Dan and Phil sims videos of people making stories and all I waned to do the same, but with knockoff characters.

Anyways. So far I have Jesùs Christo (Jesus knockoff), Em Literallyme (knockoff me) and Rick Roll (Rick Astley knockoff). I also got a few packs and DLCs, mainly the cats and dogs DLC and the Seasons DLC. So I made a Beetlejuice cat.

I don't really have a storylline for now, I'm just having fun. I do follow the Grim Reaper's quests tho, so I might use that.

Anywayyys here are some screenshots :

Jesùs Christo selfie. He is going to be a writer because I'll make him write the Bible.

Rick Roll. He's gonna be a singer, obviously.

Em and the Grim Reaper (and Beetlejuice). I'll make myself be a programmer or something, I think.

Beetlejuice Beetlemeow. He is so ugly I love him. He was sick today too. Jesùs took him to the vet.

And ther HOUSE ! It's not very decorated cuz I don't have much money and I don't wanna use cheat codes. They're living in Willow Creek btw.

I also need like a tag or a name for this "story". Got any suggestions ? Cuz my mind is EMPTY.