#and the whole new implications it brought out

[mynameisemma]

Sonyakhov has been living in my head rent free for years but to be honest, I'm also Nesvitsky/Sonya enjoyer not because I ship them but for the sole reason of Sonya suddenly finding herself in a Cinderella-like misalliance and grappling with the way how that changed dramatically her perception in the society (similar to how Pierre grappled with it after becoming Bezukhov's legitimate son) and eventually gaining enough social, financial and mental resources to shut the Rostovs off her life for good 🤭🤭🤭

[aemiron-main]

Rewatching alien covenant like god i almost forgot how much i enjoy this movie. Plus the gay androids are a bonus.

[lvl1l1]

Yes hello I will sell my soul to you if you give us a “who did this to you” type reaction with the love and deep space boys WAIT walk with me their lover calls them trying not to cry asking them to come get them they show up BAM they see them with bruises barley holding it together the ask what happened BAM AGAIN tears just crying as they explain that someone they kind of knew made a pass at them and when they were shut down they hit them yeah they are a hunter but they were so stunned who’s losing it and about to commit a crime and who’s silently about to actually ruin their whole life for hitting their princess that the boys would love and die for

All seriousness I know I made light of the reaction but I fully understand the serious implications of it if you don’t feel comfortable or that this is maybe to heavy to post feel free to ignore it I couldn’t find any rules about what you wouldn’t write for I hope this request doesn’t make you uncomfortable or is triggering in any way and if it is I sincerely and deeply apologize

“Who did this to you?”

Or: LaDS men when someone hurts you

pairings: Xavier, Zayne, Rafayel, Sylus, Caleb x Reader

WARNINGS: assault, harassment(please lmk if I missed smth)

content: hurt/comfort

a/n: someone tell me if the new format looks better

Xavier

The apartment was so quiet without you there.

Xavier was lying in bed, awake for a change.

He originally planned on taking a nap but as he noticed your side of the mattress being cold and untouched, he couldn’t fall asleep.

Sleep refused to come to him, while you were still out with your friends.

He couldn’t resist the unease in the back of his mind, gnawing at him.

He kept his phone close, just in case you needed him.

He finally felt his eyelids getting heavier, when the shrill buzz of his phone brought him back.

Your name lit up the screen and he instantly sat up.

His lips curled up into a small smile.

He picked up, anticipating your sweet voice.

But the moment he answered, all he was met with, were soft, broken sobs.

He felt the blood in his veins freeze.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

His voice missing its usually composure.

His was already moving before his mind had even caught up.

His posture was rigid as he got off the bed.

“Xavier, can you come get me, please?”

Your voice cracked, barely being above a whisper.

Before you could even hear his reply, Xavier already teleported across the city, he couldn’t be bothered to grab a jacket or change his clothes.

The moment he appeared before you, his heart broke.

You were standing under a flickering streetlight, arms wrapped tightly around yourself as if to hold yourself together.

Tears were running down your cheeks and there was a slight tremble throughout your body.

But what made his hands curl into fists, were the bruises on your face, ugly, purple marks marking your perfect skin.

He didn’t move at first.

He couldn’t.

The fury raging inside of him was dangerous, violent.

He felt, that if he moved a muscle, he’d lose the weak grip he had on his restraint.

His jaw was locked, eyes raking over your form, taking in all your injuries.

His voice came out quietly, deathly calm but laced with barely contained anger.

“Who did this to you?”

You sniffled, forcing out the words,

“I thought he was a friend. The others left, we were standing here together and then-“

You interrupted yourself by choking on your words,

“He was-“

You inhaled deeply, trying to pull yourself together,

“When I rejected him, he got angry. He hurt me.”

The world around Xavier blurred momentarily, he felt consumed by the rage running through him, his ears were ringing.

But louder than that, was the sound of you, crying.

That’s what pulled him back.

You first

You were always first

He approached you, slow, careful steps, with his arms open but he wasn’t forcing you.

He was waiting, waiting for you to come to him.

You stumbled forward, collapsing into his chest.

The way he held you was oh so tender, one hand caressing the back of your head, the other drawing soothing circles into your back.

He was shaking now, not out of anger but the overwhelming desire to protect, to heal, to be enough to make all your pain go away.

“I’m here.”

He whispered into your hair,

“You’re safe now. No one’s going to hurt you again. I swear to you.”

Your sobs only came out stronger and he simply held you tighter, encouraging you to let it all out.

Minutes passed like that. Hours, maybe. Time didn't matter.

Once your cries finally turned softer, becoming hiccuping breaths, he pulled back just enough to tilt your head up.

His usually bright eyes were burning with something darker, colder.

“His name. Tell me.”

His voice was low, dangerous

You hesitated but you knew Xavier.

You knew he wouldn’t let this go, not when it came to you.

You whispered the name and watched Xavier’s expression harden into something even more terrifying.

“Let’s get you home.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, brushing away any left over tears.

“I’ll have to go for a bit after.”

There was a finality in his words, a promise.

You grabbed onto his sleeve weakly,

“Xavier, don’t. It’s not worth it.”

He looked down at you, pausing and his gaze softened again.

“For you,”

His voice a murmur,

“there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.”

In the blink of an eye, he brought you home, before turning.

The night swallowed him up, like a silent predator.

He was going to hunt down the man who dared to hurt the one who was most precious to him.

Zayne

Zayne stepped out of the hospital, watching as the last golden rays of the setting sun stretched across the city.

It had been another long day and he couldn’t wait to see you again.

Just as he reached his car, his phone buzzed up.

A smile immediately curled onto his lips, as your name flashed on his phone screen.

Maybe you had finished up shopping just in time for him to come pick you up.

He answered on the first ring,

“Hello, darling-“

But he stopped mid sentence, when he heard a soft sniffle.

His heart plummeted.

Your name softly left his lips,

“What happened?”

His voice was sharp with panic now, he felt his muscles tensing.

Fighting your sobs, you tried to explain, while tripping over your words.

You ran into this guy you barely even knew.

At first, it seemed harmless enough, just engaging in some casual small talk with him.

Your answers were short and clipped, trying to be polite.

Then, when you tried to leave, he wouldn’t let you.

He blocked your way, getting increasingly more aggressive when you made it clear you weren’t interested.

Zayne tighten his grip on his phone, something tightening in his chest as he heard how the situation had escalated.

How you had gotten hurt.

You sounded so small. So scared.

“I’m on my way.”

He said firmly, getting into his car.

“Stay on the phone with me, alright? Tell me where you are.”

You gave him the name of grocery store, telling him you were waiting in the parking lot.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, as he weaved through traffic, dreading every second he wasn’t by your side.

You kept talking.

Or rather, he kept you talking.

His voice was low and steady, even when you fell silent, he didn’t rush you, didn’t push.

Just making sure you knew he was there.

When he pulled into the parking lot, his breath caught in his throat.

You were sitting there, curled up on the curb.

Bruises visible on your skin, he noticed your wrist swelling from afar and the blood drying on the corner of your mouth.

But what really got him, was the hollow look in your eyes.

He wasted no time getting out of the car, he crossed the distance with long strides.

The moment you lifted your head and saw him, the tears started back up and you let out a broken sob.

You got to your feet, feeling almost apologetic.

“I’m sorry, Zayne. You’ve been working all day, I shouldn’t have dragged you here-“

He cut you off, his hands cupping your face gently, so carefully as to not hurt you further.

“Don’t. Don’t apologise for needing me.”

You could hear the emotion in his voice,

“I’m glad you called. You could never be a burden. Never.”

You finally let your body relax, falling into him and he caught you, arms wrapping around you, securely.

You two stayed still like that for a long moment, he was holding you safe against him and you clung to him.

He pulled back slightly, he brushed your hair out of your eyes, tenderly.

"Let’s get you taken care of."

He said softly.

He lead you to his car, opening the door for you and helping you in, a display of gentle care that made your eyes well back up.

The drive to the hospital was filled be a comfortable silence.

He kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other rested on your knee in a silent reminder, showing you that he was by your side.

As soon as you arrived, Zayne parked hastily.

He held your hand as he helped you inside.

His face was grim and his whole body was tense but every time he looked at you, his gaze softened.

Once inside, he immediately called over Dr. Greyson.

After a few short, urgent words, Greyson took you under his care, leading you to a hospital room.

Zayne squeezed your hand before letting go.

"I'll be right here."

He said, voice low but certain.

As the door shut behind you, your boyfriend stood still before it.

He could feel his usually steady hands clenching at his sides.

His mind was racing, needing to make sure the man who did this to you would never come near you, or anyone else for that matter, again.

He sighed, thinking of how to best comfort you later.

Zayne would take care of everything.

You were safe now.

Rafayel

Rafayel stood off to the side of the gallery’s floor.

He thought tonight’s exhibition to be especially insufferably boring, the pretentious crowd leaving him annoyed.

He would’ve flat out refused Thomas if it hadn’t been for your soft kisses earlier that evening and your promise that you’d be fine hanging out with your friends.

That, however, didn’t stop him from mourning the time he knew he could’ve spend together with you instead.

All night, his mind kept drifting to you, your smile, your hand that had lingered on his cheek as you said goodbye.

He kept checking his phone, hoping for a message from you.

Nothing yet.

Some keen socialite kept trying to converse with him, throwing buzzwords around that he couldn’t care less for.

His phone finally vibrated against his palm.

Rafayel didn’t excuse himself, he simply turned and left, not sparing them another glance.

He lifted the phone to his ear, a grin pulling at his lips.

Then, he heard you.

You were crying.

His playful demeanour vanished in an instant.

He felt his heart constricting in his chest and his body snapped to attention.

“Where are you?”

His voice was low and commanding, not leaving any room for arguments, sounding like he was ready to tear through anything that stood in his way.

You managed to choke out your location through your sobs, somewhere a few blocks away from the location you had initially met your friends at.

You softly asked if he could pick you, not wanting to cause him any trouble.

“Trouble?”

He echoed darkly,

“I’m on my way already. Find a store and stay inside. Don’t leave until you see me.”

Rafayel hung up without another word, heading straight for the exit, ignoring the confused calls from the people around him and Thomas’s protests.

Non of that mattered. Nothing aside from you mattered.

The drive to you was a blur of red lights and the sound of cars honking, nothing that made him slow down.

His hands clenched around the steering wheel so tightly, the leather was creaking under his grip.

It was like the only thought on his mind was you.

You were standing by the door of a small convenience store, when he finally pulled up.

Your eyes were wide and red from crying.

Once you spotted his car, relief washed over your posture and Rafayel was out of the car and by your side in seconds.

He reached for you, one hand gently wrapping around your elbow and the other ghosting above your waist as he looked you up and down.

Bruises. Bloody fabric. The fear still lingering in your wide eyes.

Rafayel’s jaw clenched so hard the thought his teeth might end up cracking.

His body and mind were screaming for him to do something, to destroy someone but he forced himself to stay soft and gentle with you.

“What happened, cutie?”

He asked in a low tone,

He noticed the way you hesitated first but then you opened up.

You told him how your friends had all left one by one until you were alone with a man you barely knew.

You tried to leave before things got weird, but things ended up getting weird anyway.

He started making gross, inappropriate comments and when you tried to shake him off, he followed.

And lastly how when you turned him down for good, he decided to hurt you.

Rafayel didn’t interrupt you once as you were speaking.

He listened in silence, drinking in every word, every tremble of your voice and every tear that slid down your cheeks.

Once you finished, he pulled you into his arms, the way he touched you was so soft, so careful, almost reverent.

Like he was afraid any amount of pressure could hurt you.

As he held you close, he pressed his face into the top of your head, inhaling deeply.

“I got you.”

He murmured.

“I’m not letting go.”

He wasn’t pushing for the man’s name, not yet.

He wouldn’t ask for details he could find out later.

Right now, all you needed was him.

He carefully lead you to his car, helping you settle in.

You two spend the rest of the night relaxing.

Once you had gotten back home, he took all the time in the world to tend to you.

He gently cleaned the scrapes on your arms and knees.

He gave you one of his sweaters, having it frame you like a shield.

He made you drink water, brought you warm towels and curled around you on the couch.

Once exhaustion overtook you, you drifted off to sleep, leaning against him, your fingers curled loosely in his shirt.

And only when he was certain, that you were fast asleep, your breathing steady, did Rafayel slowly and carefully remove himself from under you.

He made sure to tuck you in properly, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

And then his expression hardened into something sharp and dangerous as he picked up his phone again.

No one would hurt you and walk away.

He’d make sure of that.

By morning, that man would regret ever laying a hand on you.

Sylus

Sylus was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth while the meeting was dragging on.

The men sitting across from him kept talking and talking about things he could easily fix in his sleep.

His mind was elsewhere, with you.

He couldn’t wait until this was done and he could get home, grab a bottle of something decent and have you curl up against him, just as you had planned.

Thinking about you, waiting for him, a sleepy smile grazing your lips, was the only thing keeping him from snapping at the idiots in the room.

Then his phone vibrated in his jacket’s pocket.

He knew it was you but that thought didn’t exactly excite him.

As he read your name on his phone, he straightened.

You never called him while you knew he was working, not unless something was wrong.

Sylus quickly lifted his hand, silencing the man who was mid sentence.

He stood up casually, answering the call with his usual teasing charm.

"What's up, kitten?"

The moment your broken sobs reached his ears, his expression shifted.

You were crying so hard you could barely breathe.

He didn’t care about anything else but you, didn’t care for the men hearing the desperation in his voice,

“Talk to me, love. Breathe. Tell me what’s wrong.”

It took you a few seconds, your voice shaking but you finally managed to gasp out,

“Can you please come pick me up?”

He stalked out of the room, offering no explanation.

“I’m coming.”

There was no need for Sylus to ask where you were, you had stayed late at the Hunter’s Association to finish some reports.

He was familiar with your routine.

He quickly send Mephisto to your location.

On his way, he broke more than enough traffic laws as he ripped from the N109 Zone to Linkon City.

Your broken sobs kept replaying in his head and it caused him to lose focus multiple times, you were the only thought running through his mind.

When he finally screeched into a street near the Association, his gaze locked onto you immediately.

You were sitting on the sidewalk, looking so small.

Mephisto was protectively perched near you.

Luke and Kieran look out from the car, feeling bad seeing you like this.

Sylus moved without thinking.

He dropped to his knees right in front of you, the expression he was wearing was heartbreakingly soft.

One of his hands landed on your leg.

You looked up at him with tired and red rimmed eyes, a weak smile tugging at your lips,

“Hi.”

You whispered hoarsely, voice weak.

His chest tightened as he looked at you.

The desire to tear the city apart burning inside of him.

He controlled himself,

“Ready to go home, kitten?”

You nodded, lips trembling.

Sylus helped you up, wrapping an arm around your waist, holding you as if you were made of glass.

Once you were standing again, you quickly covered your mouth with your hand and started sobbing again.

Sylus was hurting with you.

He pressed a kiss to your temple, whispering calming things, trying anything to ease your pain.

You clung onto him as he lead you to the car.

Once you were both settled in, Luke took off, driving back to the N109 Zone, while Kieran was glaring daggers out of the window.

You two were sitting in the back together and he was cradling you against his side.

His fingers brushed through your hair.

When you gained the strength to open up, you did.

While your voice was hitching here and there, you told him about the man, some guy you only knew through mutual friends, who ended up cornering you once you left the association’s building.

You told about how he kept pestering you, making disgusting comments, refusing to leave you alone.

How, when you finally turned him down firmly, he got violent.

Sylus listened to every word, not interrupting you once.

He didn’t ask for the guy’s name.

He didn’t need to.

He already had everything he needed.

For now, you were all that mattered.

Arriving at the base, Sylus carried you inside like you weighed nothing.

He set you down on his bed, covering you with the soft blanket.

He cleaned your wounds with a patience he wasn’t known for.

His touch never hurt.

Every single one of his movements was an unspoken promise,

“No one will ever hurt you again.”

He stayed close all night.

Held you until you felt better.

Ran his fingers through your hair until morning came and you fell asleep, curled up in his arms.

And once he was sure, absolutely sure, you were truly asleep, did he slowly pull away.

He softly kissed you on the lips.

Then, he straightened.

Rolling his shoulders, his eyes turned dark.

He wasn't going to leave this to his men.

No, Sylus was going to personally make sure that bastard understood exactly what it meant to touch what belonged to him.

By morning, the world would be free of one more pest.

And Sylus would be back before you had even woken up.

Caleb

Night was just starting to roll around when Caleb finally returned home.

His uniform felt suffocating after such a long day.

He was halfway through unbuttoning his coat, when his phone buzzed.

Your name lit up his screen.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

He figured you and your friends must've wrapped up earlier than expected, and you needed him to come pick you up.

He picked up immediately.

But the moment he heard your voice, that smile crumbled.

You were crying, not the usual soft sniffles from watching a sad movie or dropping your snack.

This was gut wrenching, helpless sobbing.

Caleb stilled, his body tensed, something deep inside of him breaking at the sound of your pain.

“Hey, hey,”

He quickly said, voice gentle.

“What wrongs, pips? I’m here.”

You were stumbling over your words, hiccuping,

“Do you think you could pick me up now?”

You sounded so small, so weak.

“Of course.”

He answered without hesitation,

“Stay where you are and keep your location on.”

Not that he needed it.

He already knew where you were.

Near the old library.

He always kept tabs, not because he didn’t trust you, but because he needed to make sure you were safe in a world that wasn’t always.

Caleb wasted not time, not even bothering to change out of his uniform.

The streets were relatively empty but even if they weren’t, it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Caleb wanted to get to you as quickly as he possibly could, that meant ignoring speed limits and red lights.

When he spotted you, his heart broke.

You were sitting on a pair of steps, rubbing your eyes sore.

You looked up when you heard the screech of his tires and the slam of his car door.

Caleb was running towards you.

He stopped a few steps away.

His purple eyes roamed over you quickly, taking in the bruises that were forming and how disheveled you looked, the way you were shrinking in on yourself.

His eyes darkened, hands balled into fists at his sides and his muscles were flexing under his uniform.

“Who did this?”

Voice rough, barely a restrained growl.

His whole body was screaming for violence, to hurt someone back, inflict what they had done to you.

You shook your head, tears spilling again.

Caleb instantly softened.

The fury on his face was replaced by a loving look.

"Come here."

He murmured, stepping forward.

His arms pulled you into an embrace, so carefully that it made you feel like the most precious thing in the world.

And to him, you were.

You leaned into him, your sobs were muffled and he was whispering sweet nothings against the crown of your head.

You pulled back just enough to speak, your voice trembling.

You started explaining,

how your two friends had to leave early and how the guy one of them had brought along, had stayed behind.

At first, it wasn’t too weird.

A few uncomfortable jokes, some flirting you politely brushed off.

But it didn’t stop, even when you mentioned Caleb, your boyfriend.

He just became more aggressive, more persistent.

Until you tried to leave, that’s when he became physical.

Caleb didn’t say a word.

He didn’t have to.

You knew what he felt through his arms tightening around you.

Showing his anger, how he was hurt for you, telling that no one would touch what’s his.

The kiss he pressed to your forehead was grounding.

He lead you into the car, buckling you in himself.

Once you two were back in his apartment, he ran you a warm bath.

He was staying close, helping you clean up if you as much as asked.

He fetched you some soft towels, your favourite hoodie of his, anything that he knew would comfort you.

He was sitting right outside of the bathroom door while you soaked, close for you to call his name so he could be there in an instant.

Later, as you were curled up in his bed, wearing his hoodie, lying under a mountain of blankets, Caleb sat beside you.

He was reassuring you, squeezing your hand that was holding onto his.

He kissed your knuckles, he lingered, murmured promises against your skin.

He whispered,

“I won't let anyone touch you ever again."

You eventually drifted off to sleep, coaxing you to.

And once he was sure, Caleb stood from the bed quietly, moving like a ghost.

He headed straight for his office.

He overlooked his screens, fingers flying over the controls, looking into camera footage, facial recognition, movement trackers.

It didn’t take long to find that bastard.

Caleb’s eyes were cold as he tapped a finger against his cheek, calculating.

Joining the fleet and ever had taught him how to fight in ways that left no witnesses, no survivors, no traces.

The man who hurt you would find his life dismantled piece by piece.

His reputation, his finances, his freedom, all gone in the blink of an eye.

No one could protect him from Caleb’s wrath now.

And when Caleb finally returned to bed, slipping under the covers and pulling you close to him, he softened once again.

He held you, trying to make you feel his silent promise.

The promise that no one would ever hurt you again.

Not while Caleb was still breathing.

[nerdygirlramblings]

omegaverse 141

previous

The following morning, after formation, you have your squad follow you onto the trail that runs around base. The same one Soap had seen you running a few weeks back.

"You didn't tell us we be runnin' today, Sarge," Geoffrey says, barely concealing a whine.

You chuckle to yourself and roll your eyes. Glancing over your shoulder you ask, "When have I led ya wrong?" Your squad is quiet behind you. They may not want to socialize with you as an omega, but there's no denying you've been getting the job done. "Brought ya out here cuz I wanted to talk. And to do it without any alphas or other CO's around."

There's some muttering behind you, not loud enough to make anything out, but not quiet enough to dismiss either. You notice a change in the air around you. Though they're betas and have learned how to project their calming scent, most are still working on controlling their fear and distress. You can smell the slightly sour milk and rush to allay their worries.

You turn to face them and say, "You're not in trouble! We are not in trouble." You face the trail again and resume your walk, talking as you go, "But something's come up, and it impacts everyone." You pick up your pace ever so slightly . You're looking for the clearing you'd passed the first time you ran here. It's a little space set off from the main trail, big enough for a few people to camp or for a squad to meet. You want to get there quickly to have this whole conversation out rather than dropping breadcrumbs. Your squad deserves that.

Once everyone is off the trail and standing around you, you tell them about the offer you've received from the 141. "Oh my God," Molly whispers, awe in her voice. "There, like, the best!"

You bob your head in acknowledgment and respond, "Some of, yes." It's clear that your squad doesn't understand the full implications of you joining the 141. So you lay it out for them. "If I take this opportunity, they'll pull me as your CO. Captain Price said -"

A voice interrupts, "You mean you actually talked to Captain Price?!?" You smile self-indulgently remembering how awed you were when the man first approached you.

"Yes, and 'e said that it's too disruptive for any of the 141 to have a squad of their own. Apparently, we can be called out at any point, and be gone for weeks. It would leave ya without a commanding officer." You look at each member of your squad, meeting everyone's eyes. "If I do this, you'll have a new CO. I don't know who it would be, and I don't know what that would mean for your trainin'. 'At's why I brought ya out here. Wanted to get yer honest take on what this means fer ya." There's some uneasy shuffling as it seems no one wants to quite be honest about their feelings. You remind them that you're not like other COs, and that you're an omega. Not that they need the reminder about either, but it seems to help settle some nerves. "I know it's hard fer ya having an omega as a CO. I know the stigma it carries. While this decision is mine and mine alone, yer time here is impacted by it, so I wanted to know what ya think."

It finally occurs to some members of your squad that they can be honest with you. "Yeah, 's tough around base having you as our CO. There're still a lot of alphas who won't want us on their team because you're the one who is trained us," Connor says.

One by one, your squad shares how they feel about you joining the 141. Some are like Connor and recognize the strain it puts on their careers to have you as their CO. Some are like Molly, excited for your opportunity regardless of what it does for them. Some are like Geoffrey, recognizing how they've struggled and realizing that a different CO, a beta or an alpha who is harsher, will make their time in the military much more difficult.

You get the sense - from what they say and how they smell - that most of your squad have already accepted that you'll leave them. Some may be happy about this because of the way it might benefit them while others simply seem happy for you. You close by telling them to make their way to the shooting range to practice on the Glock 17s. You remind them that after range practice is lunch with the promise of a decision for them by the time you see them in the mess.

"An' I promise, if I do take Captain Price up on his offer, I'll still keep tabs on you. Gotta make sure you all make it through basic as brilliantly as I know you can," you say with a rueful grin.

Your squad disperses from the clearing, making their way in twos and threes back to base, but you hang back. You pull your phone out and call home, finally ready with a decision.

This time it's Mum who answers. She takes one look at your face and shouts off screen to Mama and Dad "We've got a decision!" There's commotion on the other end as Mama and Dad come into frame.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," you say apologetically.

Dad reminds you he's on glorified bedrest, "So either yer Mum or yer Mama is always home. This morning I've got both." He smiles, "But a call from you is never an interruption. Or, if it is, it's the best kind."

Mama nods and leans close to the screen. "So, what did you decide?"

You take a deep breath, letting the air fill your lungs, and release it slowly. Before you can tell them, Mum says, "Good fer you, love."

"But," you sputter, "Mum...I didn't even tell you-"

"You don't have to, dear," she interrupts. "I can see the decision in your eyes. You're gonna join the task force." You hear the price, and fear, in her voice.

Beside her, Mama nods and tries to hide her emotions. "We're proud of whatever decision you make. And while I'm not happy with how much more dangerous this is, I think it's the right thing for you."

Dad is beaming, but you see the tears caught in his lashes. "Pretty girl, we love you so much! This is such an amazing opportunity for you. And if it feels right, if your omega feels safe, this might be the best thing for you."

next

series masterlist | main masterlist

[goddamnitmahtin]

Jason is a Teenage Dad Part 3

The following month after Jason came home with Danny was…. a lot of work to say the least. There were so many things to do now that there were 2 more kids in the house than there used to be and Bruce was not used to acclimating to more than one kid at a time. Last time there was a buffer. On top of that, there were all of the legal and social responsibilities that came with Danny and Tim.

Bruce was able to get Tim’s paperwork squared away pretty easily since the police and CPS were both a joke and didn’t really even look at it before approving it. Which was funny since the adoption papers were written on his Batcomputer since he didn’t feel like going out to pick up a real one. It was identical to a real one though.

Tim was doing well and seemed to be fitting into the household smoothly from what Bruce could tell. Maybe his old life wasn’t so different from his new one. He also did well at his first gala as a Wayne. He didn’t cause nearly as much trouble as Dick used to. He didn’t hang from a single chandelier.

Jason and Danny on the other hand… well Jason was trying his best. And Bruce could tell that he had grown attached to Danny. Which was why he didn’t tell him he was doing a background check on the child to see if he had anywhere to go. If they had someone’s kid and didn’t give him back, Gordon would be on his ass about it.

Bruce couldn’t find anything on the kid. Nothing. He thought he may have found a relative in Amity Park as he found a photo of a boy in a public record year book that looked a lot like him but when he tried to reach out to the family, they denied having lost a child around 3.

After that, Bruce reluctantly looked into the logistics of Jason becoming Danny’s legal guardian. He would have preferred if Danny became Bruce’s ward until Jason turned 18 so he could legally adopt him with much less hassle but Jason didn’t like that idea when he talked to him about it. So Bruce had to figure how to sidestep and loophole his way into becoming a grandpa. It’s been exhausting so far.

Although Bruce was having a bit of a struggle with the changes going on in his home, he wasn’t having as hard of a time as Danny. That kid was definitely in some sort of traumatic situation before Jason found him. He was often hiding or running when he wasn’t clinging onto Jason like a life preserver. So far he hadn’t had any major scares due to Jason being oddly in tune with what to avoid.

The part that was the most stressful though? Explaining to Commissioner Gordon why he had the Joker’s head in his house. No body. Just the head. He explained that one of his kids found the head and brought it home. It wasn’t a lie but he wasn’t going to tell him the exact truth either. He was already lying about the fact that Jason died. The public was under the impression that it was just some joke the Joker pulled and he never actually killed Robin.

Bruce and Jason had covered it up by telling people that because of the whole fiasco Robin was taking a break from the field until it blew over. Although he wasn’t really sure how Jason was going to return to being Robin. Danny never left his side. Not to mention he didn’t really seem interested in it like he was before. Which… was fine. Once word got out that the Joker was dead, the public was pretty 50/50 about Robin. Half saying he was a hero for “killing” him and the other half worried about the ethic implications.

Bruce was going to have to talk to Jason about this more. It wasn’t like Bruce hadn’t fought alone before. He knew how. It was just significantly easier if he had some help. And he was NOT going to call Clark every time something happened. Of course he was never going to force Jason to do it. Infact, Bruce was relieved that Jason might actually want to live a normal childhood. Well as normal is it can be raising a child.

At least the household was finding its own routine again. Everyone was getting used to each other and Alfred was estatic that there were more mouths to feed claiming that he would “not have to hold back my cooking prowess now that I can make dishes meant for many people, Master Wayne!”

This morning, Alfred had outdone himself making a breakfast buffet of sorts that they could all grab from. Bruce got himself a plate and grabbed a little bit of everything. He always enjoyed trying Alfred’s food and he saw some things he didn’t recognize so he grabbed those.

Bruce sat down at the table and watched as the others in the house slowly peeled in. First was Jason who grabbed some toast and promptly left again since Danny often had nightmares and tended to freak out if Jason wasn’t there when he woke up.

Then it was Tim. He watched the boy make himself a plate and begin to eat silently. Bruce hated that. During the first two weeks or so of Tim living there, he thought that was just his personality. Very quiet, avoiding attention until necessary. But then he noticed that Tim commented about being used to being overlooked for “more important things” and it made Bruce’s blood boil to think that was how he was treated.

Bruce could tell that Tim hadn’t lied about that fact. He showed every sign of someone who wasn’t used to even being perceived while in the same room unless he was “needed.” Bruce was working to try and correct that since he knew how lonely a life that was.

“Hey Tim, your awfully quiet this morning. I assume you’ve found yourself a little mystery?” Bruce said, hoping to coax the kid into talking about whatever was on his mind. He had found that this strategy worked more times than not since he loved to talk about his interests.

As always, Tim looked surprised that he was being spoken to at all. Bruce hated that. He was going to make sure this kid knew he deserved attention.

“Uh yeah actually. I noticed that…” Tim began to animatedly talk about how Batman’s fighting style was significantly different when there was no one else around compared to when he had a Robin with him and that he found it fascinating that despite being able to more freely fight without worry of an ally being injured causing more efficient takedowns when it came to combat with a large number of goons, he also seemed to have a slower time with deductive reasoning without another person to bounce off of or talk to, leading to higher risk of civilian loss when it came to certain rogues like Joker or Riddler.

Bruce wasn’t dumb. He had started to suspect that Tim knew he was Batman two weeks ago. He didn’t make that fact subtle. Tim had been very much making sure that every opportunity he had to talk, he was talking about Batman. And he often had very interesting things to say that Bruce actually took to note. Tim wasn’t afraid of being honest about the shortcomings of the dark knight.

The thing was though about Tim’s current subject of fighting style and efficiency, was that he was right. Bruce did have a harder time with unplanned things when it came to taking down rogues. Fighting wasn’t a problem. He knew how to fight alone and he had done it before. But the ability to think on his feet without a person to bounce off of or use in his plans was much harder to do after not having to do it for years.

Bruce hated to admit it but… Tim had a valuable mind that would be perfect for a Robin. If he were to ever want to do that. Which knowing Bruce’s track record when it came to adopted kids…. he probably would. He just don’t know if he wanted to put another kid in danger. He didn’t have any proper training like Dick or Jason. And Jason literally died recently so the reality of what being Robin meant was really looming over Bruce’s mind right now.

Tim’s unapologetic and devastatingly accurate analysis of Batman was only interrupted when Jason reemerged with a newly awake Danny, still rubbing his eyes in his arms.

“Morning Danny,” Bruce said.

Danny scanned the room cautiously and after only seeing the people he was used to, he visibly relaxed, “Morning Grand-B. Morning Tim.”

Jason smiled, putting Danny down and telling him to pick a seat so he could make him a plate. Bruce knew this was a good sign that Danny’s morning didn’t start horribly wrong. No nightmares.

While at first they had a hard time getting Danny to feel safe enough to play or explore or even let go of Jason’s hand, they had made great progress and now as long as Jason was in the room, Danny was able to walk around on his own without as much fear and Bruce was glad to see that he was improving. However the whole Grand-B thing was something that Bruce hadn’t expected. But no doubt that was Jason’s influence.

Danny crawled onto a chair and looked at all the food cautiously as he did every morning. He stared at it for a moment as if looking for something as he did every morning. When he didn’t find anything, he smiled and agreed to eat. As he did every morning. Bruce didn’t know what trauma this kid had that made him distrust food that he didn’t watch get made but he did know that at least he didn’t have to worry about that anymore.

Jason made Danny a plate and poured himself some coffee. Bruce would have said something about it being bad for him to drink it at his age but the last time he did, Jason very dramatically pointed out that other things could kill him faster than coffee. Like the Joker. With a crowbar. It also didn’t help that he learned that Tim also drank obscene amounts of coffee. Bruce learned to pick his battles on that one.

“Hey Tim, how’d your first gala go? I heard you dissed some CEO for embezzlement,” Jason said casually while sipping his coffee. He didn’t look it, but Bruce knew Jason thought it was hilarious.

Tim shrugged, “I just pointed out that according to public record he should have had enough money to pay his employees way better than he does. He’s the one who assumed I thought he was embezzling. Which he is by the way. I did the math and tracked his personal purchases a while back,” Tim said matter of factly.

Bruce wanted to be surprised but from what he had learned and seen from Tim since their meeting, he was crazy smart and had an eye for inconsistencies. A little detective in his own right.

“Daddy are we still going to the observatory tonight?” Danny asked, his plate already cleared of food.

Bruce watched as Jason went into dad mode. It was off putting the first few times he had watched it happen but by now Bruce was getting used to this new side of Jason.

“Of course my little star,” the 15 year old said as he helped Danny clean up the very little food Danny had gotten on himself while eating, “Daddy doesn’t have much homework today so we can go extra early. Are you excited?”

“Yeah!” little Danny exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. This was going to be Danny’s first time out of the manor since moving in. Jason had picked the observatory since not many people went there and Danny really loved space. Bruce hoped that everything went well so Danny wouldn’t be scared of going out again in the future.

Bruce continued eating after Jason and Danny left to get ready for the day. While at first he hadn’t quite liked the idea of Jason transferring his studies to homeschooling, he seemed to be adapting to it well and it gave him more time with Danny to take care of him and help him when he panicked. To be honest… Bruce was very proud of Jason for the Dad he seemed to be becoming.

…

Sam and Tucker knew that it was bad news when the GIW shipped off in their trucks with Danny inside. They knew their friend was probably fucked. But they had hope. Except… that was 7 months ago. And last month the SCP Foundation came through Amity and cleaned up after the GIW who were apparently stealing their SCPs. Sam and Tucker had mentioned that their friend was taken and the foundation said that they would reach out if they found him. Apparently SCPs that were considered not dangerous were allowed to do normal human things like have friends. Who knew. Except that call never came.

At this point the two of them didn’t really know what to do. They didn’t want to believe that Danny was fully dead because he would have come to see them. But they also knew that if the SCP Foundation didn’t find him then the GIW didn’t have him anymore either. But if no one had him, why hadn’t he come home?

They were at a loss until Tucker came across an old text in the Smithsonian online library. It was a list of summoning spells and circles for different being types or certain beings themselves if they were powerful enough. Maybe they could just… summon Danny home?

At first they looked into the ghosts summoning spells but it seemed to be fairly unstable and there was no way to guarantee that the results would be what they wanted so they kept looking until they found a sigil for the Ghost King. The circle and and incantation were well thought out and the entire ritual seemed to be pretty straight forward. Maybe the Ghost King knew where Danny was? Since he was half ghost and all…

So the next thing they knew, Sam and Tucker were in an abandoned shed a few miles out of town drawing a summoning circle on the floor. Tucker did most of the outline work and Sam tackled the sigil that had to be drawn in the center. They took their time with it so it would come out right.

According to the book, some sort of sacrifice had to be made but ii said that it could be literally anything as long as it held value to you. Sam had suggested she bring something from her house but Tucker insisted that the only thing they probably had that was important enough to them both that they had was his PDA. So…. Tucker very sadly set it down inside the circle.

Then they began the chanting. Sam lit the candles the way the instructions described. Tucker followed the hand motions exactly.

Instantly, the circle began to glow as the summoning began to work. They watched as it got brighter and brighter, the green emanating from the portal that opened in the ground filled the entire space. And then… a figure appeared on a massive throne, adorned in a bellowing cape of stars and a crown of ice.

“I am the Ghost King, hi how are you doing? Just throwing it out there before we get started, I’m not into the whole mass destruction thing so don’t ask me to end the world. Oh hey! Sam and Tucker!”

Sam and Tucker were shocked to see Danny in front of them in full on ghost mode. But he looked different. Felt different. More powerful and maybe slightly older? Not the 15 year old they went to school with.

“Danny?” Sam said, frozen in shock.

They watched as Ghost King Danny squinted his eyes at them for a moment before realization seemed to hit him, “Oh you aren’t my Sam and Tucker. Hey Clocky, what universe is this?”

A post it note appeared in the air next to Danny. He plucked it out of the air and read it before saying, “Ohhh that makes sense okay.”

Tucker spoke up this time, “Danny… what’s going on?”

Danny smiled, “Ah well in the universe I’m from, I became the Ghost King. But since the Ghost King is a being of the Infinite Realms, I’m the Ghost King for all universes, not just mine. I am Danny, just not your universe’s Danny.”

Sam and Tucker felt a wave of disappointment wash over them. It was great that Danny from another universe got all powerful and stuff but it was still disheartening that it wasn’t their Danny in the circle.

“Soo… what’s up? People don’t really summon the Ghost King unless crazy shit is going down,” Ghost King Danny said, leaning forward on his throne.

Sam and Tucker explained everything, from the GIW to the SCP Foundation to their Danny never returning. Alive or dead.

“Huh… weird. Well he’s not dead. If an alternate me died I would have seen the paperwork,” the kingly version of their friend said while thinking. Then a tired look appeared on his face as if he had remembered something and it was something quite annoying.

“Clocky… what did you do?” he asked the air. Another post it note appeared. Danny read the note. Then let out a large sigh.

“You two ever heard of Gotham?”

Part 2 Part 4

[ghostfingies]

on the wwdits ending and queerbaiting:

a lot of yall didn't live through the 90s and 2000s when off camera non-sexual not-shown-only-implied queer relationships in media were all we got. we held onto every last crumb and watched the creators deny any gay intent (because of network censorship etc.) and we just accepted it.

I do NOT want to go back to that. WWDITS brought us back to that.

the creators intentionally hit every textbook romantic beat with nandermo and teased it for years and then turned around and essentially said the fans were sick perverts for wanting them to kiss on screen when they literally showed lazlo giving bodyswapped nadja doll/colin robinson who lazlo was a father figure for backshots but noooo nandermo is too kinky because it's his boss??

don't act like it's out of character because nandor is shown to be forward with his affections towards women and sexual with men, and has spent his whole character arc searching for a wife. guillermo has spent his whole character arc coming back to his love for nandor again and again in new ways.

yes their love is pure and transcendent and whatever but showing them kiss or fuck doesn't sully that!! it deepens and confirms it!! sex is not impure!!

yes nandermo is canon, it's confirmed in the finale in the implications and stolen glances. but that is NOT ENOUGH for me. it's a cop-out.

saying "these two are kissing but only when the cameras are off" does a disservice to gay fans who remember the time when that's all we had.

if you're going to market your media as queer you have to ACTUALLY SHOW THE QUEERNESS ON SCREEN.

[alittlegiraffe]

Title: Only Ever Yours

The familiar hum of the studio wraps around you like a warm embrace as you step inside, the scent of coffee and faint cigarette smoke lingering in the air. It’s late, but that’s nothing new—Marshall has been holed up in here for hours, working on new music.

Denaun is the first to spot you, his grin stretching wide. “Well, well, look who finally decided to grace us with her presence.”

You laugh, closing the distance to give him a quick hug. “I brought snacks,” you announce, holding up a bag of Marshall’s favorites.

“Damn, no wonder he keeps you around,” Denaun teases, nudging your shoulder before nodding toward the booth where Marshall’s deep voice spills through the speakers.

You slip inside the control room, quietly making your way to Marshall’s side. He’s focused, jaw set as he spits a verse, but the moment his eyes catch yours through the glass, his whole demeanor shifts. The edge in his expression softens, his lips twitching slightly before he pulls back from the mic.

A few minutes later, he steps out of the booth, sweat glistening along his temple. His arms loop around your waist instantly, pulling you flush against him. “You shouldn’t be here this late,” he murmurs, though his grip on you says otherwise.

You smile up at him, brushing a damp strand of hair from his forehead. “I missed you.”

Denaun chuckles from the side. “Man, y’all are somethin’ else.”

Marshall ignores him, pressing a kiss to your temple before tugging you down onto the couch beside him. You settle easily into his side, fingers absentmindedly tracing the tattoos on his forearm.

A couple of new producers are in the studio tonight—guys you haven’t met before. One of them, a tall man with a smooth voice, takes the seat across from you. “So, you’re the girl, huh?” he says, flashing a smile.

You tilt your head, not catching the implication. “I’m Marshall’s wife,” you say simply, smiling politely.

The guy chuckles, eyes glinting with something you don’t recognize. “Yeah, I know. Just didn’t expect you to be so…sweet.”

Marshall tenses beside you, but you don’t notice. “Oh! Thank you,” you say brightly, genuinely taking it as a compliment. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Denaun snickers, clearly entertained. He’s seen this play out before—men taking one look at you, seeing your softness, your innocence, and thinking they have a shot. The funny part is, you never realize when someone is flirting.

The guy leans in slightly. “So, how does someone like you end up with someone like him?”

Marshall’s grip on your waist tightens, his body going rigid. But you, still oblivious, just smile. “We’ve been together forever,” you say happily. “Since I was a teenager. I never even dated anyone else.”

That seems to surprise him. “Really? Never?”

You shake your head. “Nope. It’s always been Marshall.”

Denaun is practically wheezing now, watching as the guy’s expression falters. He was probably hoping for some crack in your devotion, some sign that you were open to attention. But you’re not. You never have been.

Marshall finally speaks, his voice low and firm. “Yeah. And it’s gonna stay that way.”

You look up at him, noticing the sharp edge in his tone, the way his jaw is clenched. “You okay?” you ask softly, fingers brushing over his.

His gaze drops to you, and in an instant, his walls crumble. His thumb grazes over your cheek, his touch grounding. “Yeah, baby,” he murmurs. “I’m good.”

Denaun shakes his head, grinning as he watches the guy shift uncomfortably before finally backing off. “Man, I swear,” he says, still chuckling. “Watching dudes try to shoot their shot with her is the best entertainment I get around here.”

Marshall just pulls you closer, his lips ghosting against your temple. He doesn’t care if other men look—because at the end of the day, they’ll never have you.

You’re his.

You always have been.

You roll your eyes at Denaun, shifting slightly in Marshall’s grip. “No one is shooting their shot, Denaun,” you insist, shaking your head. “I mean, people are capable of just being nice. You’re nice.”

Denaun barks out a laugh, shaking his head as he leans back in his chair. “Yeah, ’cause Marshall’s already beat my ass for lookin’ at you too long.”

Your mouth falls open slightly as you whip your head to look at Marshall, who doesn’t even flinch at the accusation. Instead, he just raises an eyebrow like he’s daring Denaun to say something else.

“Marshall,” you scold, turning in his lap. “You did not—”

“He did,” Denaun cuts in, grinning. “Man had me up against a wall real quick. All I did was say you looked nice in that little sundress, and next thing I know, I’m gettin’ a whole speech about how you been his since you were seventeen.”

Your eyes widen. “You’re exaggerating,” you say, but when you glance at Marshall again, he still looks completely unbothered.

“I’m really not.” Denaun snickers, shaking his head. “I learned real fast to keep my compliments about you to myself.”

Marshall finally speaks, voice calm, like he’s talking about the weather. “Didn’t like how long you were lookin’.”

Denaun throws his hands up. “Man, it was like two seconds!”

You huff, crossing your arms. “Marshall, that’s ridiculous.”

He just shrugs, tugging you closer until you’re practically pressed against his chest. “Ain’t ridiculous to me.”

Denaun grins. “See? This is why no dude ever stands a chance. You’re up here thinking people are just being nice, meanwhile, Marshall’s been ready to fight every single one of ‘em since, like, '94.”

You shake your head, still flustered, but Marshall just leans in, pressing a slow kiss to the side of your neck, his voice dropping low against your skin. “Don’t matter if you notice or not, baby. You’re mine. Always been mine.”

Your breath hitches slightly, and Denaun groans dramatically. “See, this is where I leave. Y’all are about to get gross, and I refuse to witness it.”

You swat at him as he gets up, but you’re still a little breathless, still warm from the weight of Marshall’s words. He doesn’t say stuff like that in front of people often, but when he does, it makes your stomach flip the same way it always has.

As soon as Denaun disappears into the hallway, you turn back to Marshall, narrowing your eyes. “So how many guys have you threatened?”

Marshall just smirks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Marshall.”

He pulls you back into him, lips brushing against yours. “Not my fault they don’t know their place,” he murmurs, voice dripping with possessiveness. “But I’ll make sure they do.”

You huff, sitting up straighter in Marshall’s lap, determination settling on your face. “Marshall, you can’t just go around threatening every man who so much as looks at me. Sometimes, people are just being nice—”

His lips brush against the column of your neck, soft at first, barely there.

You inhale sharply but try to push through. “Not every guy is—”

Another kiss, this time firmer, right against the sensitive skin just below your ear.

Your words falter, fingers curling slightly against his forearm.

Marshall hums against your skin like he knows exactly what he’s doing. “Go on, baby. I’m listening.”

Liar.

You know he’s not listening, not really, not when his lips keep moving, trailing slow, lazy kisses down your neck. It makes you shiver, makes warmth bloom in your stomach, and suddenly, the very well-rehearsed speech you were about to give doesn’t seem as important.

Still, you make a last-ditch effort, voice wobbling as you try to regain control. “I just think you—ah—might be overreacting a little.”

He smirks against your skin, because he can hear the way your resolve is crumbling. His hands tighten on your waist, his teeth grazing just enough to make you gasp.

“Maybe,” he murmurs, nipping at your pulse point. “But I don’t care.”

Your brain is foggy, your body warm, and it’s so unfair how easily he does this to you. How the second he decides he wants you to stop talking, all he has to do is put his mouth on you and you’re—

“I—” You take a shaky breath, trying one last time. “I had a whole speech, you know.”

Marshall finally pulls back, his lips curved into a lazy, satisfied smirk as he looks at you. “Yeah? That’s cute.”

You glare at him, though it lacks any real heat. “You’re impossible.”

He just shrugs, tugging you closer. “And you’re mine. So, keep actin’ all sweet and oblivious if you want,” he murmurs, fingers tracing circles against your hip. “Just means I gotta keep reminding people who you belong to.”

Your heart flips, warmth pooling in your chest at the way he says it, like it’s just fact. Like it’s always been this way and always will be.

And, really…he’s not wrong.

Marshall sighs, brushing his fingers along your thigh before he leans in, murmuring against your temple. “Gotta finish up, baby. Won’t take long.”

You pout just a little, your arms still looped around his neck. “Do I have to go home?”

He pulls back, studying you for a second. “Girls aren’t home?”

You shake your head. “Nope. All three are at sleepovers. House is empty.”

Something flickers in his eyes at that—like he doesn’t like the thought of you alone in that big house any more than you do. But he just tugs on your wrist, guiding you toward the couch. “Then stay,” he says simply. “Ain’t like I’m gonna tell you no.”

You smile, curling up in the corner of the couch as he heads back into the booth. You don’t mind watching him work, not one bit. You love seeing him in his element, watching the way his mind moves a mile a minute, how he gets lost in the music.

You barely notice when Denaun comes back into the room, dropping down onto the couch beside you. He hands you a bottle of water without a word, and you take it with a quiet thanks, still watching Marshall through the glass.

Denaun leans back, stretching out his legs before side-eyeing you. “Alright, I gotta ask somethin’.”

You turn to him, curious. “What?”

He watches you for a second, like he’s debating whether or not to say it. But then he just shakes his head with a smirk. “You and Em were broken up for like eight months when he first got signed. You seriously tellin’ me there wasn’t even a date?”

You blink, caught off guard. “What?”

He shrugs. “I mean, c’mon. You were, what? Twenty-four? Cute as hell? You’re really tellin’ me nobody came sniffin’ around?”

You laugh a little, shaking your head. “A couple guys asked,” you admit with a small shrug. “But they never showed up.”

Denaun frowns, confused. “What? Why not?”

You smile, taking a sip of your water before answering simply, “Guess it was the single mom with two kids thing.”

His expression shifts slightly, something softer settling in his eyes. “Damn.”

You just shrug again, like it doesn’t really matter. Because it doesn’t. You never cared. Never really wanted to go on those dates, anyway. They were just background noise—something that happened around you, not to you. Because in your heart, you were always just…Marshall’s.

Denaun studies you for a moment longer before he shakes his head with a little chuckle. “Man. You really are ride or die, huh?”

You smile, glancing back toward the booth, where Marshall is lost in his verse. “Always have been.”

Denaun watches you for a second, then something clicks in his head. His eyebrows lift slightly as he asks, “Hey, who was supposed to watch the girls for you, though?”

You answer easily, not thinking much of it. “Oh, Marshall would’ve. He was super supportive of me getting back out there. Thought if he was having his fun, I should enjoy life a little too.”

Denaun just stares at you for a beat, then leans forward, rubbing his hands together like he’s putting the final pieces of a puzzle in place. “And Marshall knew who these guys were.”

You nod, still oblivious to where he’s going with this. “Obviously, Denaun. He wouldn’t have let me leave our daughters with just anyone.”

Denaun suddenly bursts into laughter, shaking his head like he cannot believe what he just put together.

You blink at him, confused. “What’s so funny?”

He gestures toward the booth, where Marshall is still rapping, completely unaware of the revelation happening in the control room. “You really don’t get it?”

You frown. “Get what?”

Denaun grins, barely containing his amusement. “Marshall scared those dudes off before they even had a chance, that’s what.”

You open your mouth to argue, but—

…Wait.

Your brain replays it all, the way those guys asked you out but never followed through. How they always seemed to just…disappear. How Marshall had always insisted on knowing who they were, where they worked, what their intentions were.

Oh.

Oh.

You slowly turn your head toward the booth, your gaze locking onto Marshall, who’s still rapping like he doesn’t have a single worry in the world.

“…No way,” you murmur, almost to yourself.

Denaun just cackles, slapping his knee. “Ohhh, there it is! I knew you’d catch up eventually!”

You sit there, stunned, as the realization fully sinks in. Marshall had never actually wanted you to move on. He’d said he did, had acted all supportive, but in reality? He’d made damn sure that nobody ever got close enough to take his place.

And the worst part? You can’t even be mad. Because, deep down, you never wanted anyone else, either.

When Marshall steps out of the booth, wiping sweat from his forehead, the first thing he hears is Denaun dying laughing.

Marshall frowns immediately. “The hell is so funny?”

Denaun is still trying to catch his breath, grinning like he just uncovered the greatest secret of all time. “Oh, man… Guess what we just found out?”

Marshall doesn’t even hesitate. “You’re stupid?”

That only makes Denaun laugh harder, slapping his knee as he shakes his head. “Nah, nah—this is better.” He turns to you for a second, still grinning, before looking back at Marshall. “Hey, man. You remember when y’all broke up for, what? Eight months?”

Marshall’s expression darkens slightly, but he just gives a curt nod. “Yeah. What about it?”

Denaun smirks. “And you was all, ‘I just want her to be happy,’ and ‘She should get out there and live a little,’ right?”

Marshall’s jaw twitches, but he nods again. “…Yeah.”

Denaun leans forward, elbows on his knees. “So, tell me why every dude who asked her out just magically never showed up?”

You watch Marshall carefully, waiting for his reaction, but he doesn’t so much as blink. He just shrugs, voice cool. “Dunno. Guess they weren’t serious.”

Denaun cackles, pointing at him. “Oh, bullshit!”

Marshall glares. “What the fuck are you gettin’ at?”

Denaun grins wide. “You scared ‘em off.”

Marshall exhales sharply through his nose, running a hand down his face like he’s so over this conversation. “Man, shut the fuck up.”

But Denaun just laughs harder. “You did! You probably went all Slim Shady on ‘em, didn’t you? Showed up all quiet, real intense, maybe said some cryptic shit like, ‘Don’t even think about it.’”

Marshall doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t deny it. Just crosses his arms and stares at Denaun like he wants him to disappear.

Denaun grins, triumphant. “Ohhh, you ain’t even tryin’ to lie!” He turns to you, nudging your arm. “See? Told you it was him.”

You stare at Marshall, your mouth opening slightly. “…You really did that?”

Marshall finally sighs, rubbing the back of his neck before giving you a look. “You really think I was gonna let some random motherfucker play stepdaddy to my kids?”

Your heart flutters at that—at the way he says my kids without hesitation—but you’re trying to stay focused. “But you told me you wanted me to move on!”

He tilts his head, eyes locked on yours. “Did you?”

You falter, lips pressing together.

Marshall smirks. “Exactly.”

Marshall doesn’t deny it. Doesn’t justify it. Just stands there, arms crossed, looking at you like this entire conversation is a waste of time.

“Baby, you were the one who told me I needed to enjoy the new life,” he says, voice even. “You ended things because you let my mom convince you you’d baby-trapped me.”

Your stomach twists.

He steps closer, his eyes sharp, voice dropping lower. “I just made sure you had space to realize that was fuckin’ stupid.”

Denaun whistles low under his breath. “Damn.”

You ignore him, your gaze locked onto Marshall’s. “I wasn’t trying to trap you,” you murmur, voice softer now. “I just thought… you’d be better off.”

Marshall scoffs, shaking his head. “Better off? Baby, the fuck were you even talkin’ about? You were all I had. You, Hailie, Alaina—y’all were my life. Still are.”

Your throat tightens, because you remember it all too well—the way you’d convinced yourself you were holding him back, how you thought letting him go was the right thing. How it nearly killed you to do it.

And now? Knowing that even while he was saying you should move on, he was making sure nobody ever got close?

You swallow, voice barely above a whisper. “…So you never wanted me to?”

His eyes soften just a little, but his answer is firm.

“Not for a fuckin’ second.”

Your face feels hot, your stomach twisting with something between embarrassment and something deeper—something warm and dangerous.

You drop your gaze for a second, suddenly feeling shy under the weight of Marshall’s stare. The way he’s looking at you, like you’ve always been his, like there was never another option.

Denaun, of course, is living for this.

“Aw, even when he was clownin’, Shady’s got a soft spot,” he teases, grinning like this is the greatest thing he’s ever witnessed.

You groan, covering your face with your hands. “Denaun, please.”

Marshall just rolls his eyes, but you don’t miss the way his hand finds your hip, thumb brushing absentmindedly against the fabric of your jeans.

Denaun leans back on the couch, smirking. “Man, you should see yourself. All flushed ‘n’ shit. Got you all embarrassed, huh?”

You peek at Marshall through your fingers, and—yep. He’s smirking. Smugly.

You glare at him. “You don’t get to look so proud of yourself right now.”

He just shrugs, all casual, like he didn’t just admit he lowkey sabotaged your entire dating life. “Why not? I was right.”

Denaun loses it, wheezing. “Oh, hell no, this is my favorite day.”

Marshall doesn’t even hesitate—he flips Denaun off with one hand while the other stays firm on your hip, pulling you just a little closer. Then, as if to really drive his point home, he presses a soft kiss to your temple, lingering just long enough that you feel his breath against your skin.

You don’t even try to fight the warmth that spreads through your chest.

Denaun, though? He just keeps pushing, clearly enjoying himself way too much. “Poor girl though,” he muses, shaking his head in mock sympathy. “You’re runnin’ off all her dates, meanwhile, you got girls in every city.”

Silence.

The playful atmosphere shifts instantly.

Marshall’s grip on your hip tightens, his entire body going still as his glare cuts straight through Denaun. “Really?” His voice is low, dangerous.

Denaun knows he just stepped a little too far, but that doesn’t stop him from laughing nervously, holding his hands up. “I’m joking, man. Damn.”

You glance between them, your stomach twisting, because even though you know Denaun is full of shit, that little comment stings more than you want to admit.

Marshall must sense it, because his hand moves from your hip to your chin, gently tilting your face up to look at him. His eyes soften just enough when they meet yours.

“You know that ain’t true, right?” His voice is still low, but now there’s something else there—something just for you.

You nod slowly, because you do know.

But Denaun still might not make it out of this room in one piece.

You take a slow breath, your heart pounding as you look into Marshall’s eyes. The warmth from his hand on your chin makes it hard to focus, but you can’t shake the feeling of something unsettled in your chest. Denaun’s comment may have been a joke, but it stung more than you’d like to admit.

You swallow hard, pushing past the tightness in your throat. “I know it’s not true.” You pause, but then your gaze flickers toward Denaun, still looking way too entertained by all of this. “But... I also know you were definitely sleeping around while we were broken up.”

Marshall’s face hardens instantly, but you catch the flash of guilt in his eyes before it disappears. He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, but then he just clenches his jaw, looking away for a second.

Denaun, still sitting beside you, goes quiet, sensing the shift in the room.

You keep your voice steady, but you don’t sugarcoat it. “I wasn’t stupid, Marshall. I saw the tabloids, heard the rumors. You weren’t exactly… sitting at home waiting for me.”

Marshall’s eyes snap back to you, and there’s a flash of something sharp behind them, but he doesn’t raise his voice. He’s too calm. Too controlled.

“I didn’t ask you to wait for me,” he says, voice low and measured. “You were the one who ended things.”

You nod, the reminder of that still stinging like a fresh wound. “Yeah, I did. Because I thought I was holding you back, making things hard for you. I thought you needed space—needed a chance to… live your life.”

Marshall takes a slow, controlled breath, his hand sliding to the back of your neck as he pulls you just a little closer, like he's grounding himself. “I get it. But it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, you know? Yeah, I fucked around. But you weren’t there either. You didn’t have to be.”

You glance down, not sure what to say. He’s right, in a way—you weren’t there either.

Denaun clears his throat awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m gonna… go grab a snack. Y’all have fun with that.”

You watch Denaun hurry off, giving you and Marshall some space, but the air still feels thick.

You look up at him, your voice quieter now. “I didn’t ask you to wait for me, either.”

Marshall’s gaze softens as he brushes his thumb along your jaw. “You didn’t need to. I knew what we had. I didn’t want anyone else.”

You sigh softly, your voice barely a whisper. “Then why did you…?”

His gaze turns serious, and for a moment, it feels like everything else fades away. “I did it because I couldn’t let go. I wasn’t letting anyone close to you—not while I was still… here.”

You don’t say anything, letting the weight of his words settle in the silence between you. There’s more there, you can feel it, but for now? His admission is enough.

You let it go. For now.

---

The conversation stays in the air between you, unspoken but there, lingering like the scent of cigarette smoke in an old hoodie. Marshall keeps his hand on your thigh as he drives, thumb rubbing slow, mindless circles against your jeans, but he doesn’t say anything. You don’t either.

Not until you’re halfway home, the glow of streetlights flickering through the car, the quiet hum of the engine filling the space between you. You bite your lip, staring out the window, your thoughts gnawing at you until you can’t hold it in anymore.

“…I don’t understand, Marshall,” you say softly, turning to look at him. “How could you be with other girls if you still had feelings for me?”

Marshall doesn’t react at first, his hands steady on the wheel, eyes on the road. But then he sighs, his jaw tightening like he knew this was coming.

His voice is low when he finally speaks, steady but rough around the edges. “Because, baby… I knew I couldn’t do better. I knew no matter who I was with, it wasn’t gonna mean shit. But I needed something to keep me from going insane.” He glances at you briefly, his gaze unreadable before flicking back to the road. “But you? You could do better. And I was terrified you’d figure it out.”

Your heart clenches. “Marshall—”

“I’m serious,” he says, his voice firm. “You’re sittin’ here askin’ me how I could be with other girls, but you really wanna know what scared me the most? The thought of you finding someone better. Someone who didn’t come with all my bullshit. Someone who didn’t have a crazy mom, or a career that made life a fuckin’ circus, or…” He exhales sharply, gripping the wheel. “Someone who deserved you.”

You hate that he thinks like this. That even after everything, he still believes he’s not enough.

You reach over, covering his hand with yours, squeezing gently. “I never wanted better, Marshall,” you murmur. “I just wanted you.”

Marshall’s grip on the wheel loosens, his shoulders dropping slightly, like the weight of your words is something he’s trying to let himself believe.

He doesn’t say anything right away, but when he finally speaks, his voice is quieter. “Yeah. And that’s what fucked me up the most.”

You frown, his words sitting heavy in your chest. “That’s what fucked you up the most?” you repeat, confused. “I don’t get it, Marshall. Why would me wanting you—only you—mess you up?”

Marshall curses under his breath, gripping the wheel tighter like he’s already regretting saying anything. His jaw clenches, his knuckles white as he exhales through his nose.

“Fuck,” he mutters. “I shouldn’t have—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head before finally, finally letting go of whatever’s been sitting in the back of his mind for years.

“I was pissed, alright?” His voice is low, sharp, but it’s not directed at you—it’s at everything. At the past. “At you, at my mom, at everyone involved. I didn’t wanna be with anyone else. I never did. If anyone was trying to baby-trap someone, it was me.”

You blink, caught off guard. “What?”

He scoffs, shaking his head again. “I thought we were good. No matter what happened, I thought we’d figure it out because we had them. You, me, Alaina, Hailie—we were a family. That was it.” He glances at you, his expression unreadable. “Then you, with your sweetness, your big fuckin’ heart, your need to forgive everybody, you let my mom back into our lives.”

Your stomach twists.

Marshall’s voice is rough now, not angry at you exactly, but still raw. “And she did what she always fuckin’ does—poisoned everything. She got in your head, made you think I’d leave now that I had a deal, and instead of talking to me, you just—” He cuts himself off again, gripping the wheel so tight you think he might snap it. “You ended things. Not ‘cause I did something wrong. Not ‘cause you wanted to. But because you let her scare you into thinking I would.”

Your throat tightens.

You remember how afraid you’d been, how convincing Debbie had sounded. How she’d made you believe you were just a burden, that Marshall would wake up one day and resent you for tying him down before his career had even started.

And the worst part? You let her get to you.

“…I thought I was doing what was best for you,” you say softly, guilt creeping into your voice.

Marshall lets out a humorless laugh. “Yeah? Well, it pissed me the fuck off.”

You swallow hard, looking down at your hands, feeling the weight of everything you’d lost in those eight months apart. Everything you had thrown away because you let your insecurities—and his mother—get in your head.

Marshall shakes his head again, jaw still tight. “And the fucked up part? Even after all that, even after you left, I still couldn’t let anyone else have you.” His voice drops, rough and quiet. “Because no matter how mad I was… you were mine.”

You bite your lip, your heart pounding as his words settle deep inside you.

You were his. You’d always been his.

You don’t even realize the car has come to a stop in the driveway.

Your mind is still turning over everything Marshall just said, the weight of it sitting heavy in your chest. It isn’t until you finally glance at him that you freeze.

He’s staring at you, his hands still gripping the wheel, a dark, possessive look in his eyes.

His voice is low, rough around the edges when he speaks.

“Peter. Andrew. Whatever the fuck the other guy’s name was…” He exhales sharply, shaking his head like he can’t believe he’s even saying this. “They all had every intention of showing up for you, baby. Don’t doubt that.”

Your brows furrow. “Then why—”

“I’m a selfish bastard,” he interrupts, his grip tightening on the wheel. “And I wasn’t gonna let some asshole try and take my fuckin’ family.”

Your breath catches in your throat.

Marshall leans back in his seat, rubbing a hand over his face before turning to look at you again, his gaze pinning you in place. “I tried to let go. I tried to give you the space you claimed you wanted. But you were mine.”

His voice drops even lower, something dangerous curling at the edges of it.

“And every time you called me with that excitement in your voice, asking me to take the girls so you could go on a date?” His eyes darken further, something unspoken and wild flashing across his face.

“I wanted to kill him.”

Your stomach tightens, heat creeping up your spine.

You should be shocked, maybe even angry, but all you feel is something deep and undeniable settle inside you.

Because you were his.

And a part of you loves knowing he never, ever let you go.

The moment those words leave his mouth, the air in the car feels thick, electric. Your pulse kicks up, but before you can even process it, Marshall is shoving the car door open, slamming it shut behind him.

He moves fast. By the time you snap out of your daze, he’s already yanking your door open, his expression tight, unreadable—but his eyes? His eyes are burning.

“Marshall, what—”

He cuts you off with a look, sharp and unrelenting. “You need to get in the house, baby.” His voice is low, gravel-rough. “Because otherwise, I’mma give the neighbors a show.”

Your breath catches, heat flooding your skin.

There’s something raw in his face, something dark and dangerous—like every ounce of frustration and turmoil from back then has clawed its way back to the surface. His fingers curl around your wrist, not hard, but firm, his grip burning through you like a brand.

You should be teasing him, laughing at the absurdity of it, but you can’t. Not when he’s looking at you like that. Like he’s still fighting the ghost of a past that never let him go.

You swallow hard. You can’t let it go either.

So you do the only thing you can.

You let him pull you inside.

You aren’t used to this side of Marshall.

Sure, he’s always had a temper. Always been the type to run hot, to hold onto shit longer than he should. But this? This raw, unfiltered possessiveness, the way he’s gripping your wrist like he’s still afraid someone’s gonna take you from him?

It’s new.

And it makes your heart race for a reason you don’t quite understand.

He pulls you inside, slamming the door behind you, his chest rising and falling like he’s trying to catch his breath. His fingers are still wrapped around your wrist, like he doesn’t trust you to stay put.

Your sweet nature takes over before you even think about it.

You step closer, your free hand resting gently against his chest, trying to soothe him, to soften the sharp edges. “Baby, it’s in the past,” you murmur. “We’re okay. None of that happened.”

Marshall exhales through his nose, but his grip doesn’t loosen. His eyes flicker over your face, like he’s trying to believe you, trying to let it go, but the way his jaw clenches tells you he’s not there yet.

You slide your fingers up, tracing along his collarbone before resting against the side of his neck, grounding him. “I never went on those dates,” you remind him softly. “I never even wanted to.”

Marshall lets out a rough breath, his hands finally loosening, but instead of letting go, he grabs your hips, pulling you into him.

“Yeah,” he mutters, voice low, dangerous. “Because I didn’t let you.”

Your breath stutters.

The look in his eyes sends a shiver down your spine.

Because he’s not sorry about it. Not even a little bit.

You try again, still trying to soothe him, to pull him back from whatever dark place his mind has gone.

But Marshall?

Marshall’s done listening.

Before you can even get another word out, his hands tighten on your waist, and his bearded face finds the sensitive skin of your neck. You gasp, your body jolting at the sensation, your train of thought vanishing the second his lips brush over you.

Still, you can’t stand the thought of him being upset with you. Not even now, not even if it’s all in the past—all in his head.

“Marshall,” you breathe, your fingers curling into the fabric of his hoodie. “I’m here, baby. Not with them. With you. I’ve always been with you, even when I wasn’t.”

That makes him growl.

A rough, low sound that rumbles in his chest as he drags his lips up to your jaw, his breath hot against your skin.

“Yeah, baby,” he mutters darkly, his grip firm enough to make you shiver. “But any one of those fuckers would've given their right arm to be with you.” He presses his mouth to the spot just beneath your ear, making your knees weak. “Because you gave them the chance.”

He pulls back just enough to look at you, his eyes burning.

“Because you left me.”

You gasp, shaking your head before you even realize you’re doing it. “I didn’t—”

Marshall cuts you off.

“You did.” His voice is low, but there’s no mistaking the heat in it—the frustration, the hurt, the possession that never faded. His hands tighten on your waist, keeping you against him, refusing to let you escape this conversation, this truth.

“You let her get in your head,” he grits out, his breath warm against your lips. “You took the girls, and you left.”

Your chest tightens, guilt flooding through you all over again.

Because he’s right.

You had left. Not because you wanted to, not because you stopped loving him—but because you’d been scared. Because you let his mother’s words twist in your mind until you believed them.

Marshall watches the realization settle over your face, his grip not softening for a second. His eyes darken, searching yours, waiting.

Waiting for you to admit it.

You can’t.

You can’t admit it outright, not when you need him to see your side too.

Your throat feels tight as you look up at him, your hands pressing lightly against his chest, not to push him away—but to ground him. To ground yourself.

“I was scared, Marshall,” you whisper. “Everything was changing so fast, and I just—”

He presses his body into yours, cutting you off with the sheer force of him. You gasp, eyes widening as your back meets the wall, as he cages you in with his arms.

“You just what, baby?” His voice is rough, edged with something dark and unrelenting. “You just let that bitch take the only reason I had the fuckin’ deal?” His breath is hot against your skin, his grip tightening at your waist. “Take the one thing that kept me from goin’ insane?”

Your lips part, but no words come.

His eyes flash, his voice dipping even lower, rougher. “Brought me to my fuckin’ knees that night because none of it made any sense?”

And that’s when it hits you.

That night—the night you left, the one you thought was just a bump in the road, something you both eventually moved past—wasn’t just a bump for him.

It was the one thing he never forgot.

Never let go of.

It was the night that broke him.

Your breath comes fast and shallow, your mind racing as Marshall’s words sink in.

You’d known he was hurt back then. You’d seen it in the way he looked at you that night, heard it in the crack of his voice when he asked if this was really what you wanted. But you hadn’t let yourself feel the full weight of it—not like this.

Not like he had.

Your fingers tremble slightly as they grip the front of his hoodie. “Marshall…”

He just stares at you, his breathing ragged, his body still pressing into yours, like if he lets go—even for a second—you’ll slip through his fingers again.

“You destroyed me that night.” His voice is quieter now, but it cuts even deeper. “I was ready to give you everything, and you walked.”

You shake your head, swallowing down the lump in your throat. “I was scared,” you whisper again, like maybe if you say it enough times, he’ll understand.

Marshall lets out a humorless scoff, shaking his head. “Yeah? Well, so the fuck was I.”

That stuns you into silence.

He leans in closer, so close his forehead nearly brushes yours. “I was scared shitless, baby. Thought I wasn’t good enough, thought I was gonna fuck everything up—but I never thought you’d leave.” His jaw clenches. “Not like that.”

Your heart hurts. Because he’s right. You didn’t talk to him, didn’t fight for him. You left.

“I thought I was doing what was best for you,” you say, your voice barely a whisper.

Marshall exhales sharply, eyes closing for just a second before locking onto yours again. “Yeah? And how’d that work out for us, huh?” His hand cups your jaw, tilting your chin up. “Because I ain’t ever been the same since.”

Your hands move instinctively, sliding up his chest, over his shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of his hoodie. Your touch is soft, soothing, the way it always is with him—even now, when his emotions are raw and his anger is simmering just beneath the surface.

“I came back,” you murmur, tilting your head up to look at him. “I didn’t stay gone.”

Marshall lets out a sharp breath, a humorless chuckle leaving his lips. His grip on your jaw tightens just slightly, not enough to hurt—never enough to hurt—but enough to keep you from looking anywhere but at him.

“But you tried,” he rasps. “Tried to move on. Tried to forget me.”

Your heart clenches, and suddenly it’s too much—all of it. The weight of the past, the pain in his voice, the raw truth behind his words.

You drop your gaze, pressing your forehead against his chest, your voice small, broken.

“I just didn’t want to hurt anymore,” you whimper.

Marshall goes still.

And then, before you can even think, his arms tighten around you, pulling you in like he’s trying to merge you into him. His breath is shaky, his body tense, but his lips press into your hair, grounding both of you.

And just like that, the fight drains out of him.

Marshall’s grip on you doesn’t loosen. If anything, he holds you tighter, like he’s afraid you’ll slip away again. His voice is rough when he finally speaks, quieter now, but still thick with emotion.

“Why’d you hurt, baby?”

You squeeze your eyes shut, inhaling deeply against his chest before you force yourself to answer.

“I saw,” you whisper. “You were everywhere—different girls all the time. All prettier, more put together. If you were moving on…” Your voice wavers. “I wanted to move on too.”

Marshall tenses against you, his whole body going rigid.

You don’t dare look up, don’t want to see whatever storm is brewing in his eyes. You just keep talking, keep spilling the truth you’d buried for so long.

“I thought you were okay,” you admit, voice barely above a whisper. “Like it didn’t hurt you the way it hurt me.”

Marshall lets out a sharp breath through his nose. He’s quiet for a beat too long, and when he finally speaks, his voice is low, dangerous.

“You think I was okay?” He huffs out a bitter laugh, pulling back just enough to tip your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze.

And damn, those eyes—stormy, dark, burning into you with an intensity that makes your breath catch.

“I was drowning without you.”

You look up at him, your heart racing, and the question spills out before you can stop it:

“Why didn’t you show up sooner, Marshall?”

His gaze softens, just a little, and for a moment, it feels like time stands still. You take a shaky breath, trying to push back the flood of memories that rush forward, unbidden.

The night he came back.

You remember it like it was yesterday, even though it feels like a lifetime ago. The girls had already gone to bed, and you should’ve been in bed too, should’ve been asleep in your tiny little apartment, the place you’d moved to because you needed distance, because you thought it was the right thing to do.

But it was hard to sleep alone, even after so many months without Marshall. The bed felt too big without him. And when you heard the knock on your door that night—when you saw him standing there, fresh out of the shower, looking like he’d been through hell—you never expected to feel this.

Him.

He didn’t say anything about the pain, about the time that had passed, about everything that went wrong. He didn’t bring up running off any potential boyfriends, didn’t fight you on the break-up, didn’t argue when you tried to move on, and most of all—he didn’t argue when you let him walk out of your life in the first place.

But when he showed up at your apartment after midnight, standing in the doorway like he had nowhere else to go, you didn’t think, didn’t question, didn’t try to understand.

You just fell back into him.

He was home.

You blink back the tears threatening to fall, swallowing hard. “You never fought me, Marshall. Not once. You just let me go... and you never said anything about the pain you felt. Not then.”

Marshall’s jaw tightens, and for a split second, you see the storm behind his eyes—before he blinks it away and looks down at you, the weight of everything in the quiet space between you.

“You really think I was okay with that?” he asks, voice rough.

You swallow hard, the guilt tightening your chest. “I don’t know.”

He exhales sharply, rubbing a hand over his face. “I wasn’t okay with it, baby. But I was so damn pissed at you, at everything, that I didn’t know how to come back. I didn’t know how to fix it.”

You watch him, the vulnerability in his voice pulling at your heartstrings.

“And when I saw you trying to move on... hell, I thought maybe you were right. Maybe you were better off without me.” He looks down, almost like he’s embarrassed. “But when you opened that door that night…” He shakes his head, as if still trying to wrap his mind around it. “I knew. Knew I had to fix us. I just didn’t know how.”

Marshall’s grip on you tightens, his fingers digging into the fabric of your clothes as his eyes darken with something raw—something that goes deeper than frustration, something that burns with the need for assurance. His jaw clenches, and for a moment, it seems like he’s trying to hold himself back, trying to fight the pull that’s been drawing him to you from the second you’d walked into this house.

But then, he doesn’t.

His lips crash into yours, fierce, demanding—like he’s trying to pull all the words he can’t say into one kiss. The heat of him, the desperate need, the urgency, it hits you all at once, and your body responds, as if it knows—as if it’s been waiting for this moment too.

He pulls you tighter against him, the kiss deepening as his hands roam to your back, pulling you flush against him, pressing you into his chest like he’s trying to mark you, make sure you’re here, with him.

You gasp into his mouth, hands finding their way to his hair, tugging him even closer, feeling his heart pounding under your fingers. The rhythm of his breath is erratic, like he’s needing something from you, something more than just words, more than just promises.

His lips pull away just enough for him to breathe out a jagged, desperate whisper.

“Are you here?”

You nod, breathless, barely able to keep your eyes open as he watches you, his eyes wild, searching for something. “I’m here, baby. I’m with you. I’ve always been with you.”

The rawness in his expression deepens, and he pulls you back into him, lips crashing into yours again, as if he needs to hear it again, feel it again.

“Good,” he murmurs against your lips, voice thick with emotion, and you feel the weight of everything he’s been carrying, all that pain and fear, finally start to ease. He kisses you harder, more desperately, as if to say the words he can’t—this is real. You’re mine.

Whatever happened back then, whatever mistakes and miscommunications, they don’t matter now. Not when he’s holding you like this, when you can feel the truth in his touch.

And you’re his again.

Marshall’s hands move swiftly, urgently, as he picks you up with ease, lifting you off the ground. You gasp in surprise, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck as he carries you toward the stairs. His breath is harsh against your skin, and the intensity in his eyes tells you everything you need to know.

He doesn’t want to talk about the past anymore. He doesn’t want to relive the hurt, the mistakes, the things that still feel too raw to bring up. All that matters now is the present, the here and now, and he needs to feel that—feel you—under him, beside him, with him.

Your heart races, and you tighten your hold on him as he climbs the stairs, each step heavy with unspoken words. But there’s no time for words anymore. Not right now.

When he reaches the top, he doesn’t hesitate. Without a word, he carries you into the bedroom, gently kicking the door open, and sets you down on the bed. His hands never leave you, never loosen their grip as his lips find yours again in a fierce, possessive kiss, claiming you as if he needs to remind you that this is where you belong.

He pulls away just enough to catch his breath, his eyes dark with desire. “I don’t care about the past, baby,” he growls, his voice thick and low, every word laced with need. “I don’t care about anything that came before this moment. All I need is you. All I need is now.”

You nod, your hands shaking as they trail up his chest, feeling the frantic thrum of his heartbeat. “I’m here, Marshall. I’m with you. Always have been.”

His breath hitches at your words, his eyes softening for a moment before that possessive fire returns. Without another word, he leans down, pressing his lips to the column of your neck, tasting the skin there like he can’t get enough of you. His hands move with purpose, his touch gentle yet firm as he undresses you slowly, savoring every moment, every inch of you.

You feel the weight of his gaze on you as he pulls away briefly to look at you. The intensity in his eyes makes your stomach flip. “You’ve always been mine, baby. Don’t you forget that.”

You shiver at his words, your heart pounding as your hands reach for him, desperate to bring him closer. “I haven’t forgotten, Marshall. I never will.”

And with that, he’s on top of you, claiming you like he’s been waiting for this moment for far too long, his lips finding yours in a searing kiss as he drives home the truth in every touch, in every movement.

You’re his. And you always will be.

[maraudersilver]

DOE EYES (Haymitch Abernathy x Fem!Reader) Chapter 1

Summary: No one ever wins the Games. You survive. And that's what you did at the 66th Hunger Games. Years later, you find yourself on an annual routine of mentoring tributes from your district to send them to slaughter, just as they did with your fellow tributes back in your Games. Decaying would have been the option if Finnick Odair hadn't offered his hand as a shield. However, a certain drunkard from District 12 earns your curiosity after judging him for more than a lustrum.

A/N: Hello! I've been missing for a while, but I promise the new Despise You chapter has been half written by now. However, after reading Sunrise on the Reaping, I've been on a Haymitch brain rot that cannot be stopped until I write a whole fanfic for him where he gets his happy ending. In this account we respect and love Lenore Dove, so she'll be honoured as someone who was the most important person for Haymitch for a huge part of his life. Also, the reader is from District 6 and has a very interesting cultural heritage that you'll be learning as the story moves forward. Haymitch loved his Covey girl, so it's natural for him to fall for someone with such a cultural difference for him to learn from.

Warnings: Age gap! 15 years age gap, Haymitch is 40 and reader 25. In this chapter and until we reach the 74th Hunger Games he's 38 and she's 23. Future smut. Alcoholism (is Haymitch, what were we expecting). Hunger Games in general is a warning. Mentions of sexual abuse (we have Finnick here, girls). Future spoilers for Sunrise on the Reaping. Slow burn.

Wc: 4,3K

Blasting through the cannons of sound came the soundtrack of class difference. Ever since you won the Hunger Games six years before, the music had barely changed. Fashion, however, tended to go worse each time you made it to the Capitol under orders of Snow. Apparently, having victors around was la creme de la creme for everyone who was anyone in the rich men world. 

Holding a glass of white wine fetched from the waitresses choreographing around the main hall, you made your way towards the only person at that party that could give you enough serotonin to not jump out the roof at that very moment. His blond, curly hair moved in waves that brought in the attention of harpies ready to stab his neck with their fangs. Never getting tired of consuming everything that he was since he won at the age of fourteen. 

“Ladies!” you greeted with a wide, fake smile. The same one you had put on since the moment you were reaped. “How lovely you all look. Is that the new Dires’ dress, Miss Seedpipe? No wonder you seem so radiant!”

The bunch of old, decrepit women filled with anti-aging treatments that did little to conceal their ugliness laughed pleased at your compliment. Your friend, on his part, just grinned his characteristic crooked smile, so loved by everyone in the Capitol due to its mischievous implications. 

“Always so sweet, my dear,” said Miss Seedpipe with a hand pressed to her heart. “You look rather dazzling yourself.”

“She definitely does.” Finnick raised his glass as if toasting, to which the women followed him like a herd of sheep without critical thinking. “What do we owe the honour of your presence, hotstuff?”

On any other occasion, you would have rolled your eyes. However, you pulled out your white feather fan and giggled dumbly. If you knew this would be your destiny back in the arena, you would have killed yourself in the bloodbath. “I just needed to steal Finnick from you, ladies.” The nosferatu look-alikes booed in complaint, yet your smile stood steady. “Won’t take long.”

“All yours.” Finnick grinned wider if even possible, offering me his left arm to run away in a slow pace from the bunch of vultures. 

Once out of earshot and behind a purple, velvety curtain, Finnick sighed in relief. “Thanks for that. Madam Dominatrix wanted to pull at my pants.”

Although the nickname had been incredibly funny to refer to the woman who’s outfit consisted of a red latex body, the feeling of doom at your friend’s fate prevented you from laughing. Silently, you placed a hand on his bicep, caressing in comfort, to which he just gifted you a sad smile.

“Anyway. What did you want?”

“Nothing, I was bored.”

Finnick looked at you with a deadpan expression, huffing in amusement. “Can’t say I wasn’t, either.”

It had become a habit. On your first big Capitol party, while many of the citizens surrounded you and asked you for a ‘chance’ you weren’t quite sure of what they were referring to, Finnick had come to your rescue. The, at that moment, fifteen-year-old had grabbed your hand sweetly and brought you to an adjacent room where you were safe from the critical and lustful looks of the animals that called themselves humans. 

You didn’t know it back then, but Finnick had made it his mission to be the person who freed you of as many uncomfortable situations as he was able to, something he had wished he had when he had first appeared at the Capitol after winning. So, what started as a survival relationship in the feisty claws of the most sadistic people to ever exist on Earth, ended up blossoming into the most platonic, meaningful friendship you had ever had. Finnick became your beacon, your lifeline in the moments of darkness that surrounded you whenever you stepped a foot on Snow’s mansion or in any other important building. And, without knowing it at first, you were Finnick’s excuse to disappear from the claws of any rich member who attended the parties.

So sad people only saw him for his looks, because he was definitely the most gorgeous on the inside.

“Have you seen Johanna?” you asked, looking around as if you would find a secret passage from where she could appear.

“No. Thought she would be with you,” muttered Finnick with furrowed brows.

You shook your head, trapping your lower lip between your teeth. “Maybe she’s not here?”

“Lucky bastard, if that’s the case,” laughed him mirthlessly.

Johanna won the games two years ago. She had been the new rising star among the Capitol, and Finnick and you agreed to save her from the awful fate Finnick had been prey to. Maybe you weren’t as close to her as you were to Finnick, but under all that rough exterior and mean words, Johanna had won your trust, something very difficult to gain after your games. 

Commotion exploded outside the curtain. Sharing a confused look, both Finnick and you peeked your head out to see Haymitch Abernathy vomiting the rug in the middle of the living room. Couldn’t say you were surprised. After years of roaming around the Capitol, you had been witness to the famous drunk performances of the District 12 sole victor. 

The vultures who had been pestering Finnick not even five minutes ago were gagging and gasping in horror as Haymitch fell down on his own puke. Some Capitol staff rushed towards the passed out man and grabbed him down his armpits, dragging him down the hall to where you could only assume was his room. It didn’t take long for the party to resume. They were also used to Haymitch’s shenanigans at that point. 

“Well, that was a hell of a way to flee the party. I have to give it to him,” Finnick said, chuckling once his head was back behind the curtain.

“Not funny. He’ll have an awful hangover tomorrow,” you mumbled. However, the pull of your lips upward conveyed the silent laugh that was rumbling your chest. 

“He’s never hungover. Can’t be if you never stop drinking.”

By then, both of you were guffawing and trying to regain some composure and breathing. On the inside, you pitied Haymitch. You didn’t really know what happened to him apart from the trauma of his games. If twenty-four tributes were a nightmare, forty-eight was the epitome of horrors. You couldn’t really blame him for his copying method.

“A dance?” Finnick offered, exaggerating a bow that had you snorting while you took his hand.

“Lead the way, fish boy.”

That was the last time you had sight of the victors until the following Hunger Games. The reaping back at District 6 had given you a thirteen year old boy and a fourteen year old girl. Both of them starved to the point their cleavages were visible and as sharp as knives. Another two kids to bring to the slaughter. 

“Do not resist the prep team,” you had advised back at the train, while the kids looked at you with terrified eyes. “It doesn’t matter what they do, keep still and be compliant, okay?”

“Okay,” Ruby, the girl, agreed, while the boy just nodded. 

“I’ll be able to see you before the parade. We can agree on a strategy once I see how the stylists have dressed you. Until then, rest and try to calm your nerves.” You stood up from your seat to exit the compartment, but stopped when you passed by the snacks. “Oh! And make sure to eat. Some pounds more are welcome in the arena.”

Andromeda, District 6 escort, and you made your way to the Tribute Centre, installing before sending the kids towards the prep team to be showered, disinfected and, well, prepared. You smiled at them softly, both children shaking like leafs as they left with Andromeda in the elevator. 

With nothing else left to do, you had three hours for yourself, so you went down to the Tribute Centre bar, placed there for the Mentors and escorts. If you were lucky, you would be able to spot Finnick and Johanna there. 

Soft jazz played at the dimly lit establishment. There was not much music left after the rebellion, but those melodies without lyrics were the ones used for occasions. Much to your detriment, none of your friends were yet there, so you made your way to the bar to ask for a non alcoholic beverage. As much as intoxicating yourself to oblivion was a tempting offer, your job was to protect your new kids as much as you could from where you stood as their mentor, and sobriety is the bare minimum requirement for that. It had been years since a drop of alcohol had soaked your tongue. 

Yellowish light trespassed the glass bottles behind the barman, and you felt guilty of enjoying the fake cozy feeling settled at the bottom of your stomach. There weren’t many people yet, and the stools were comfortable. How disgusting to be so lightheaded in a place like that while twenty-four kids were being prepared to be sold to sponsors down in the basement. You thought of your Mentors drinking themselves stupid in the bar while you fought for your life at the arena and your stomach crumbled; you hated your predicament as a perpetrator of bad practices. 

Suddenly, there was movement on your right. Lifting your head from where it looked at the counter, you found the sluggy, yet big form of Haymitch Abernathy. His curly hair was unkempt, and although he was wearing a suit, the state of the collars of his white shirt gave the impression of unlaundered. Even if he had just arrived at the bar, the smell of raw liquor reeked from him. The only clean and tidy part of him was his dove coloured vest. 

“Your tributes on prep team already?” you asked, looking for a topic of conversation to clear your troubled mind.

Haymitch lifted his head clumsily, almost disoriented. With furrowed brows, he nodded. Great. A man of few words.

“Yeah, mine too.”

He didn’t even hum to acknowledge your pathetic attempt of small talk, already lost on whatever the barman had served him. Shaky hands gave you the impression that he had been drinking for a while already, and your heart constricted at the thought of the poor angels who had to count on him for sponsors. Irresponsible. That’s what Haymitch Abernathy was.

You observed him. Fine lines covered his forehead, increased by the snarl on his face. He definitely looked older than thirty-eight. Yet he conserved some of the youthful beauty you had heard many Capitol citizens talk about.

After an hour of silence and brooding, and with no signs of Finnick and Johanna, you decided to leave the bar. The grey coloured walls of your Tribute Centre floor was definitely better company than the drunkard victor.

“See you around, Haymitch.”

“Hmm.”

At least he had the decency to give some answer. Without paying no mind to him, you left the confines of the bat to the floor designated to your District, Haymitch’s gaze lost in the grey wall in front of him. 

There weren’t seats reserved for victors on the parade; part of the job consisted of looking for the best spot to talk to sponsors since that very moment. Cashmere and Gloss were already roaming the wealthiest of them, all sat together at the centre of the bleachers. Finnick and Mags were talking, mostly Finnick, if you were being honest, to the women who had been fanning over him a few weeks ago. Johanna was somewhere on the other side. Beetee and Wiress lost in the crowd. Funny enough, Haymitch had settled on the left side with a hip flask in hand. 

That year you had decided to mentor alone, the mental health of your fellow victor too damaged to be of any help. So you made your way to the sponsors who usually paid attention to your words. Every year it was more difficult to earn their trust on bets, District 6 not having a victor since you won. And, truth be told, this year would be more of the same. Those poor teens would probably die during the first few minutes of the Games. But you had to try. For them.

With a fake, sweet smile you approached the Rainwalls, a couple whom you’d had a fairly close relationship with since you started to mentor. “Would you mind if I take a seat?” you asked with the smoothest of tones.

The old pair looked up with annoyed expressions until their eyes settled on you, and their smiles grew so much you wondered if botox could come out of their pores. “Oh, dear! How are you doing, darling? Of course you can sit with us! Come, come.” Miss Rainwall urged you with her hand to take the place right next to her, and you did with a small nod of gratitude. 

“It’s been a while, dear. Are you excited for these games?” she asked, her hands moving in cheerful spams. Your stomach churned in disgust, but you continued grinning and nodding enthusiastically.

“Absolutely! Tributes look very interesting this year.” Both she and her husband nodded in agreement. “District 1 strong as ever.”

“Yes, although District 5’s boy has a je ne sais quoi,” Miss Rainwall said, peeling an orange in the meanwhile. “Let’s see what they pull up at the parade. Do you know anything about your kids’ stylists?”

You shook your head. “Not much. I’m as clueless as the rest of you,” you giggled, and both of them followed you. She placed a hand on her husband's bicep, something she did whenever a District person said something funny. As if you weren’t humans at all and she was surprised at how clever you could be. “Can’t wait to see them, though. Witty tributes I have.”

“Really?” There it is, Miss Rainwall took the bait. You nodded with another sweet grin, and she smiled along. “I prefer them to strong tributes. But don’t let the word spread,” she chuckled in whispers, and you passed your fingers over your lips as a zipper.

“Your secret’s safe with me.” The older woman nodded in agreement.

“They last longer. Don’t look for conflict, which is boring, but if I have to bet, I prefer to do so with those who live more.”

It was upsetting, hearing her speaking so lightly and detached from reality about dying kids. How could she say that kids that look for shelter instead of battling to death were boring?

“I’m pretty sure my kids will get far. At the very least one of them.”

You hadn't even thought about it. Didn’t know their strengths or weaknesses, if they were clever or clumsy, or if they managed any weapon at all. But you would get them sponsors even if you had to lie through your teeth. 

“Good to know. I’ll take it into account when- Oh, look! It’s starting!”

Miss Rainwall settled her gaze on the District 1 chariot, and the conversation died completely as her attention shifted from District to District, criticizing the styling, deciding who had her benefit based on their clothes. From afar, you saw Haymitch looking down at his shoes, unable to pay any mind to the Coal Miners that ended the line of chariots parading around. Maybe he was embarrassed of his state, or maybe he was so intoxicated his brain could not even process where he was. 

You looked back at your kids, dressed in silver and metallic colours representing manufacturing. It wasn’t the best, but definitely not the worst. However, their terrified gazes did nothing to fuel the entertainment of the Capitol citizens, and you knew you would have a hard time finding sponsors. 

“You did great!” you lied to your tributes after they arrived at the apartment once the parade ended. “Now just focus on the training days. I’ll help you come up with strategies and Andromeda will also be here for the interview training, alright? Now go shower. We’ll have dinner and then straight to bed.”

Ruby and Tyler nodded, too tired to pronounce a word, and left in a hurry to the safety of their rooms. You sighed, pressing two fingers to the bridge of your nose. Andromeda placed a hand on your back in comfort, but it did nothing.

“They seemed marvelled by the Capitol!” she cheered, and you kept the temptation of choking her guarded. 

“Sure,” you huffed, disappearing in your room once more.

The next few days were tiresome. Ruby knew how to manage a knife, but Tyler barely even knew how to differentiate edible from poisonous plants. It ended up with a six for Ruby and a four for Tyler. You kept your tears for the secluded area of your room, wanting nothing more than to tear the Capitol to shreds. Those two kids who had hoped you could help them would more than probably die within the blood bath. The odds weren’t in their favour. 

In the interview, the public was awestruck by both of them. So sweet, so young, so clever and spirited even in their terrified states. And you somehow gathered hope enough for them, because if they survived the blood bath, sponsors wasn’t a deluded idea. 

“Remember. The moment the gong sounds, flee from there. You don’t have strength enough to fight in the blood bath. Look for high ground and for water. Water is your new friend, understood?” 

“What about food?” Ruby asked, tears gathering at the base of her precious brown eyes. You placed your hands softly on her face, cleaning the tear stained path from her cheeks.

“That’s the next step. In the Cornucopia you’ll see bags. They usually have food, water, and some elements of importance for the nature of the arena. Don’t grab them. Don’t look at them. Only go back if you don’t find any fresh water or food. Get as far away from the other tributes as possible, especially because you don’t have any allies.” The elevator was almost reaching its destination, so you turned to both of them, rubbing Tyler’s head. “That doesn’t mean you won’t find allies once the Games start. But always keep your guard up.”

Tyler leaped on you, hugging your torso with an abnormal strength for a boy his age. Terrified, trembling, and wetting your shirt with his own tears. You were able to pull down the sobs that threatened to come out of you.

“Come here, Ruby,” you called the girl, and she complied. A hug of three. The last one you’d share with them.

“Thank you,” Tyler mumbled, pulling away from you and angrily drying his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“Whatever happens, remember I’ll be watching. I’ve been working on sponsors, so I’ll try to send you anything that you need. Stay alive.”

You didn’t have time to hug them one more time, as Peacekeepers grabbed them by their arms towards the train that would send them to the arena. Once they were out of sight, you broke down on your knees, sobbing uncontrollably for you didn’t even know how long. Until someone pulled you on your feet again, placing your head on their shoulder. His smell comforting and familiar.

“They won’t make it,” you sobbed, clenching your fists on his clothes, to which he shushed you and kissed the top of your head.

“You’ve done what was in your hands,” Finnick whispered your name, rocking you from left to right. “Now work hard for sponsors, yeah? C’mon, let’s go to the Headquarters. And clean your face, people won’t do business with you looking like that.”

You nodded against his chest, snorting at his words, and grabbed the arm he offered to walk back up to your floor to change.

Unfortunately, your gut was always right. Your two angels died not far from the Cornucopia, assaulted by the Careers as they tried to flee. At least, it was a quick death. Ruby gor pierced by a spear, and Tyler hit by an arrow. When both cannons sounded, you felt bile rising at your relief. They wouldn't have to suffer in the arena any longer. 

Finnick caressed your back, while Johanna, who had sat with you both and Mags, grabbed your hand in a white knuckled grip. No one apart from you four mourned the poor kids who had just cruelly died on the projectors, Capitol citizens too preoccupied cheering for the blood bath. It made you sick with fury, wrath running down your veins instead of blood. Harshly than you intended, you pulled your hand away from Johanna’s and stood up. Both of your friends looked at you with alarm.

“I need to be alone.” Was all you said without waiting for a response before storming out of the viewing hall.

Your ears were buzzing with white noise. Blinded by your own tears and consumed by a sadness difficult to explain to anyone who wasn’t a victor. You heard your name being called a few times, not stopping until a hand grabbed your wrist.

“Dear, I’m so sorry about the kids.” Miss Rainwall said, although the lack of grief on her face was telling enough. “Your predictions didn’t aim well this time, though. Such a pity.”

You wanted to rip her face with your nails, but in a controlled sob, you smiled. “Seems like it.”

“How adorable! Your accent’s back!” Miss Rainwall applauded, calling her friends. “Can you repeat that for them? You have such an… interesting accent we haven’t been able to hear since your games!”

She deserved to be punched. She really deserved it. But you didn’t do it, opting for a more friendly approach. “I would, but I really need to- Need to make arrangements. You know, for their trip back home.”

It took everything in you not to whip in front of them, storming away again until you reached the secluded bar. No one was there, not even the barman. Everyone too occupied watching kids battling to death. 

It didn’t matter. You served yourself. Again, nothing alcoholic. You didn’t deserve oblivion. Those kids didn’t deserve to be forgotten at all. And you couldn’t bear the voices that would surely plag your mind and tear your sanity out the balcony. 

Hours passed, or so you thought until a clock on the far side of the room marked just ten minutes had gone by, when another figure sat beside you on the counter. Sighing, you mumbled, “Not in the mood, Finnick.”

“Good I’m not Finnick, then,” a slurred voice muttered, gripping a bottle of Nepenthe by its neck and chucking it like a thirsty man.

Haymitch Abernathy was already wasted, sweat covering his hairline. How you had ignored the reeking booze of his breath thinking it was Finnick, you were clueless. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Doe Eyes, your tributes are as dead as mine.”

Doe Eyes? But what infuriated you the most was the indifference with which he talked about those kids. Your blood was boiling. “You could show a little sympathy to the very least,” you snarled, taking your eyes off him and looking down at your own beverage. 

“Oh, but I do. Early death is the best thing that you could wish upon a tribute.”

You had heard people say Haymitch was sarcastic, always thinking it was a trait to be admired. However, your grieven state processed his words as a direct attack. “You’re heartless.”

“Hmm. Absolutely. My heart was taken from me ages ago.” He shrugged, swigging another mouthful of Nepenthe.

“We’ve all survived the Games, Haymitch. Don’t act as if you’re the only one affected by it.”

“But I’m not the one judging others by their stances, am I?”

You opened and closed your mouth like a fish, searching for something clever to counter. “It’s not the same.” It wasn’t your day, that was clear enough.

He snorted, rolling the bottle like you would a glass of wine. “Is it not? And what’s the difference then?”

Stumbling over your words, you huffed in indignation, grabbing your glass and drinking to prevent answering. Although Haymitch didn’t relent.

“For someone who prides on empathy, you don’t apply it on others when it doesn’t fit your narrative.”

“Shut up.”

“Stroke a nerve, Doe Eyes?” He chuckled, emptying another quarter of the bottle. 

“Don’t call me that!” 

Haymitch snorted, bottle forgotten for a moment on the counter. He looked at you with his deep, grey eyes, which matched the colour of the walls. His dove coloured suit also enhanced the dazzling, yet dull light of his gaze. For a moment you stood breathless. Never had you ever seen such a look on somebody. And then, his rough voice brought you back to the present.

“Not one to obey orders, Doe Eyes.”

Scorching was your skin. He was shameless, ill-mannered, rude and a pain in the ass. Left was the unfinished glass on the counter when you walked past him to leave, only to feel his rough hands grabbing your arm softly. 

“I’m really sorry about the kiddos,” he mumbled your name, his look now solemn, though fixed on the counter. It surprised you the fast change between prick to somewhat gentle. But you were too angry at him to indulge, so you just nodded.

“I’m sorry about yours, too.”

And with that, you hoped to see nothing about Haymitch Abernathy until the following Hunger Games. 

Back in the confines of your room, tears fell down your eyes to your cheeks. There was no more air your lungs could transform into sobs, too strained by the misery of the last few days to continue working. With a small sigh, a whisper left your parted lips. “Goian bego, Ruby and Tyler.”

Translation - Goian bego: rest in peace.

[starseungs]

take a shot. ksm.

kim seungmin x fem!reader — it really shouldn't take a genius to figure out that you and your co-star didn't get along. you knew kim seungmin. you knew how life functioned despite the cameras. and you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

genre/s — drama, angst, fluff, a sprinkle of comedy, actors au, enemies to lovers, slowburn • 19.4k words

warning/s — y/n gets referred to with she/her pronouns, profanity, implied death taken lightly (humor purposes), miscommunication to too much communication, y/n easily gets into a bad headspace, inaccurate depictions of filming a movie, the angst is strong = the fluff is strong, other idols are mentioned as characters along with skz members, mentions of alcohol in a scene

note — my longest fic yet !! it also took me so long to finish this (like three weeks i believe) and there were some struggles that happened in the making of this, but it turned out to be my most favorite work ive done ever. thank you for the people who patiently waited for this since the teaser, and remember that reblogs & feedbacks are greatly appreciated 🫶 i hope you enjoy the read !!

2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

00 : ZERO.

“I’m sorry, what?”

The car remained silent despite your words of confusion. You felt as though your world had come to an extreme halt, giving you a whiplash as the buzz of the road outside continued to pierce through your ears. There was nothing else to keep your mind away from the absolute bomb of news that was just given to you; your manager had turned it down before uttering the horrid sentence that brought your untimely demise.

The car may have kept on with its task of moving forward—but you were stuck frozen in place.

“You’re joking.”

Your world fell on seemingly deaf ears. The man up front, steering the wheel, rendered himself mute to your growing distress, finding the busy traffic of city life interesting enough to keep his eyes glued. But the urban chaos didn’t distract you one bit from brewing a storm of gunpowder inside your throat.

And just like that, a ghost of a click was heard.

“No—please tell me you’re joking,” you voiced out, tone betraying your attempts at keeping things respectful. It soon came to your attention that the effort was of no use, as your manager still chose to keep his peace. “Changbin!”

The car swiveled a bit off-lane for a second before returning to its correct course. Normally, such an abrupt action by a vehicle would concern you, as you would argue that you were still much too young to suffer at the hands of a road accident, but no such thoughts even made their way into your brain. Just like how time had stopped for you, there was no time for debating over survival either. One life-or-death situation was already enough for you.

You wanted answers, and you were going to get them.

Changbin exhaled audibly from the scare he just put both of you through. His hands shook with a slight tremor, and that was all it took for him to decide that pulling over to the nearest parking area was for the best.

“Don’t yell in the car like that!” You scoffed at his scolding, finding the whole situation ironic.

“Oh, so you can do it all the time, but I can’t?” You shot back. Changbin sighed tiredly, finally registering the extent of your agitation. "Plus, I have a perfectly good reason why I’m yelling!”

“Listen, Y/N, it’s really not that bad—”

“Yes, it is that bad!” The words spill out of your mouth in utter disbelief at his attempts at assurance. “I’m working with Kim Seungmin, of all people!”

“And that’s why it’d be fine!” Changbin argued, running a hand through his already tousled hair. You blinked at his reply, baffled by the sheer implication.

“—How?”

Changbin clicked his tongue at the question, finding it hard to digest just why you were so against working with the mentioned actor. With the mere sound of that actor’s name spat out of your mouth, one would think that he had somehow managed to offend your entire bloodline. But that kind of bitterness could only be achieved through a sour history, so you really couldn’t empathize with your manager’s mindset either.

Even you knew that this movie would be enormously successful from the director alone. Director Han Jisung’s influence and presence in the industry were not a laughing matter—in fact, you should already be trembling in anxiety just knowing that you snagged probably the biggest role you’d ever get in your whole career. He was only around the same age as you, but the winding list of his achievements was already one for the records. And yet, here you were rethinking your contract with him even before the project started.

Just because of who you were going to be acting alongside with.

“Seungmin is a nice person,” Changbin explained gently like he was coaxing a child, intentionally ignoring the way your face scrunched up at what he said. “I did my research, ok? Everyone only has high praises for him, both on and off-set. Isn’t that enough to be trusted?”

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from digging a deeper hole to lie in. The answer was no—it wasn’t enough to be trusted. Now, at this point, someone would’ve had half a mind to ask why you were so sure about your vendetta against the man. If a person was so well loved in a world where cameras were pointed at them in every waking minute, then shouldn’t all the dirt be found by now, if there was any?

To that, your answer would be yet another no.

Because you knew Kim Seungmin. You knew how life functioned despite the cameras. And you knew that it was harder to keep a good shot hidden than it was to delete a bad one.

“Turn the car around.”

Changbin’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at your demand. Surely, he had heard you now. You crossed your arms and leaned back to rest comfortably on the car seat, turning your head to face the window and glare at the world outside, continuing on with their lives like a well-followed routine.

“Y/N, this is a big opportunity—”

“I said, turn the car around. I’m not attending this cursed table reading.” You pinched the bridge of your nose to keep the incoming migraine at bay.

“You really think I’ll willingly step into a room with the devil’s incarnate? I’d rather get shot—”

01 : ONE.

“—sensing a great shot!”

Director Han Jisung nodded positively at your performance, satisfied with your initial portrayal of the female lead.

“If we keep going like this, then I’m expecting this project to be a big hit. The casting team really did their pay’s worth on this one,” the young director hummed. “Especially you, Actor Kim Seungmin. I don’t know how they managed to get through your company's walls, but I’m glad they did. You’re perfect for the role!”

You felt your eye twitch as the figure bearing the name appeared within your vision. His mouth curled up into an arrogant smirk, hastily covered up by a bashful smile. You cringed at his actions that only you seemed to see. Why was this prick acting all humble?

“Ah, I always wanted to act in one of your films, Director Han. This is more of an amazing opportunity for me than you, honestly.”

That smoothed honey voice wrapped itself around the room’s premise, charming everyone around like it was coming from an alluring siren. All except you.

Your mouth filled with a coating of spite as his next sentence echoed through your ears. His eyes locked you in as a target, a wordless challenge shooting straight at your own.

“Plus, seeing who my co-star is, I’m quite thrilled to see the end product,” Seungmin grinned with a manic glint.

Fuck. You should’ve turned that damned car around yourself. Maybe then you’d be enjoying a relaxing time in the tub, surrounded by bubbling suds of fragrant soap, instead of being a frontliner in this mental war your acting counterpart seemed to subject yourselves to. Now, you had to withstand the feeling of your body instantly going on auto-pilot after his words.

It was commendable, really—how Seungmin could take over a space of this size filled with various types of people so easily. He had major talent in that field, which greatly accentuated his acting power. Seungmin had a way with words, and while you would never be caught praising him out loud, you couldn’t help but acknowledge the bitter truth deep inside the darkest parts of your brain. It was almost obsessive, the way your mind zeroed in on his presence. Even as you let the busy table chatter away into a buzzing noise that barely made its way coherently through your ears, your eyes stayed glued to the figure in front of you, carefully studying his mannerisms as he enthusiastically interacted with everyone. You weren’t someone who Seungmin’s charms would work on—instead, you felt like prey, waiting to be pounced on any second now.

Before you knew it, the table reading came to a close. You could faintly remember standing and packing your things quietly, more focused on the sudden stinging feeling you felt coming from your eyes, already threatening to water. “This is ridiculous,” you huffed in frustration. Why did you feel the need to cry like a child at this very moment?

“With the way your script is being shoved in that tiny bag, yeah, I would say that too.”

“Leave me alone, Kim.”

You hear him chuckle, causing your grip on your leather bag’s opening to become tighter, feeling the metal zipper bite at your palm. “There’s a lot of Kims here, Y/N. Be careful now; they might mistake you for being rude to them,” he chirps. Fucking chirps. Like a small bird who deserves to be doted on. Except the man before you was neither small nor deserved to be doted on—Kim Seungmin would never be described in any of those words in your world.

“Right. Since they’re also talking to me right now,” you scoffed back. Thankfully, that seemed to keep the tears at bay for now. You refused to break down in front of the most infuriating man in your life.

“Still stuck up as ever,” he sighs. Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets at his comment. You? Stuck up? If anything, that would be him! “This would be our first piece together after that charity drama our acting academy did way back a few years ago, so would it kill you to be civil?”

Ah. There it was. The infamous acting academy.

JYP Academy of Theatrics was admittedly one of the most successful acting academies in the country, known for producing many big name acts throughout its years of operation. Every aspiring actor has probably gone through the phase of wanting to be part of the academy’s carefully limited population of trainees—you included.

You remember the first time you brought up your plans on becoming an actress to your parents; their apprehensive faces telling you to try going to an acting academy first before giving up everything and running towards your dream blind. Young you didn’t realize the underlying implication that your parents were expecting you to be discouraged and give up on your thoughts of becoming an actress for good. Instead, you aimed high with the thoughts of their support, confidently applying for JYP Academy.

To your parents’ surprise, you passed both rounds of the screening, becoming a full-fledged acting academy trainee at one of the most prestigious places for it. It was also where you met the thorn in your life that was standing before you at the present.

“And frankly, I’m looking forward to this. So can we not ruin the mood on set?” He had the nerve to add. That was all you needed for your last string of restraint to snap.

“Why? So you could enjoy the power trip of watching me fumble around like a headless chicken after getting scolded a thousand times for my horrible acting skills?”

“What?”

You watched as Seungmin’s face morphed from exhaustion into a look of confusion at what you had just said. However, you knew better than to give him the benefit of the doubt—so you continued to shoot your bullets at him.

“I know you, Kim Seungmin,” you motioned towards him. “Don’t you dare think I’ve forgotten your days at the acting academy, especially that damned charity drama. But consider yourself lucky, since I won’t drag your ass down this time, Golden Boy. In fact, watch me shine on set even if it’s against your will or whatever is going on in that ego of yours, because I refuse to bow down to you. Things may have been different seven years ago, but I’ve grown since then. So if you want to prove to me that you have to, then know how to keep your mouth to yourself around me.”

After your little round of firing the pent-up rage inside of you, you snatched your bag from the table and stormed out of the room without another word. You had half the mind to worry if anyone had heard your little squabble with Seungmin, but you were already too far down the hall to go back and check, risking a blow to your conscience if ever you tried to go back. You only had the fact that you had managed to keep your voice surprisingly low throughout the whole exchange to console you.

With this, you continued your trek towards the parking lot to meet your manager once again—blissfully unaware of the state in which you left your co-star back in the room.

“What the fuck just happened?”

It took everything in Seungmin to not march after you and demand an explanation for what you had just said to him. In all honesty, Seungmin was baffled. Out of all the possible scenarios he had imagined to happen when meeting you, this was definitely not one of them. Sure, you two weren’t exactly the best of friends way back in your academy years, but he had at least considered you an acquaintance.

Even then, he didn’t remember your relationship being this bad. For all the times the both of you clashed heads, he couldn’t recall a single time serious bad blood was developed. The memory of you laughing joyfully as he messed up a line in your shared scene together on a monthly evaluation was still fresh in his memories—so just where did this hostility come from? If he were to base his conclusion off your words earlier, then it must have something to do with the charity drama, and that only made Seungmin more lost.

What you said earlier did hold some truth to them—you were scolded a lot by their advisor, slash project director, but in no way did you do badly in the production. Seungmin could testify to that. After all, he was witness to the amount of praise you got from fellow trainees as they watched you act out your scenes on camera, even though his younger counterpart was jealous of all the positive feedback. So now, he really couldn’t understand where your deep-rooted bitterness towards him came from. He even gave you some tips during the times you seemingly struggled with their advisor’s vision!

“Seungmin?”

He turned over to where his name was just called, seeing his manager approach him while bowing politely towards the small number of production staff left in the room. “Oh, did I take too long, Minho?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright. I knew you were going to catch up with a friend,” Minho looked around for a bit before continuing, “Speaking of which, did she go already?” Seungmin couldn’t stop himself from clicking his tongue at his manager’s words.

“It’s a long story.”

Well, two can play that game. If you truly knew him like you said you did, then you would know that Kim Seungmin isn’t one to give up when he sets his mind to something.

02 : TWO.

You wanted to give up right at this very moment.

Today was the first day of filming for the movie you were cast in as the female lead, yet here you were, one push away from having a mental breakdown. It was your first lead role—one that you had wished on countless stars to get ever since signing a contract with your current agency. Yet, now that you actually have it, you were left unsure of whether your acting could do proper justice to the character given to you. The confidence you flared towards Kim Seungmin a few days ago was nowhere to be found right now as anxious thoughts swirled through your head instead.

When you first read the script as one of your manager’s proposals for your next project, you instantly felt like the female lead’s role spoke to you the most. The plot itself was a masterpiece, clearly right up Director Han’s alley with its sentimental undertone and themes of self-discovery. It followed the male lead, returning back to his hometown for a high school reunion after just deciding to quit his job at a well-known corporation in the city. At the reunion, he meets the female lead, whom he remembers having the biggest crush on back in his teenage years—before he moved to the city for college.

In comparison, the female lead never left their homey countryside town. She attended the nearby community college and also settled her adult life in the same area. However, that didn’t mean that what she had achieved was all she wanted to do in life. Like everyone else, she too, had her own dreams. Unfortunately, she lacked confidence in herself to chase opportunities and got stuck right where her starting line was.

And in a way, she spoke to you.

You didn’t want to admit it, but perhaps you regret running your mouth like that at your co-star during the table read. It was a moment of weakness, you tried to tell yourself. Emotional you talked too big for what you could handle, so now you were left here to deal with the consequences of your actions.

But lies had their truths too.

It was true that you wanted to shine on set—outshining Kim Seungmin was just an added bonus to the thought. You’ve spent far too long in others’ shadows, never really feeling like you had the chance to show your fullest potential. That was something you fought for constantly, starting from your days at the academy up until the present, only to have no such luck. Maybe that was why you developed a habit of becoming pessimistic at the worst times, becoming your own enemy as you fall into a pit of self-sabotage, effectively going against everything you’ve ever wished for yourself. It was a cycle of keeping yourself confused with your own decisions, and it was a frustrating process.

You could only stare from the actors’ corner on the site as you watched the crew members run around making final arrangements for today’s shoot. Normally, you wouldn’t have seen this part of the process, as actors would often arrive later on when everything was nearly set, during their actual call time. You just intentionally went early, deciding that you weren’t going to get any more sleep even if you tried, seeing as most of the previous night was spent trying to make sure you had your lines all perfected. Sleep came rough yesterday, and you had no one else to blame but your own nerves.

At least the set looked great—today you were filming all the scenes needed for the high school reunion. The place was this quaint function hall in a small town about seven hours from the capital city, the same town you would be staying in to shoot for a little less than a week. You couldn’t help but think that maybe the new environment contributed more towards your slowly diminishing confidence, feeling yourself too far away from the strong presence of individualistic urban life. A defeated sigh was all you could do in attempt to ease yourself, even the slightest.

“I’m beginning to think this is going to become a pattern,” you hear a familiar toned voice comment. “Meeting you distressed, I mean.”

You spare the figure a half-hearted glance before rolling your eyes, forcing out an appropriate greeting. Or what was appropriate in your books, anyway.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Seungmin’s face displayed his feelings of amusement, which in turn made your frown deepen. “Not even a good afternoon? That’s harsh of you, Y/N,” he says in a tone made for mockery. “You really don’t like seeing my face, huh?”

“More like, I just don’t like you, period,” you grumbled in annoyance. “Also, why are you even here this early?”

Your surprise at his punctuality was real; you were not expecting to see him on set three hours early. But maybe you should have foreseen this behavior, seeing as the Seungmin you knew back then was also one to be on time during all lessons, activities, and practices. A part of you was then thankful for the question coming off as general because if you added any more comparisons, it would’ve seemed like you held on to too much information on him from the past.

“Just because I’m the main character doesn’t mean I should be fashionably late. Would it tick you off to know that I like being punctual with things?”

“Yeah,” was your immediate reply, not needing to think about it any further. “Since now, I have to time myself to arrive just before the call time.”

Seungmin lets out a deep sigh at your words. “You don’t want to spend any more time with me than necessary, got it.” He says, then lifting a finger up to tap against his ear. “But you know, you should really learn to keep your plans away from enemy ears.”

You tried your best not to show the inner war that just sparked inside of your head—you really shouldn’t have found that small gesture attractive, but the romantic side in you swooned so easily against your will. And for what? Kim Seungmin, of all people? You really should tone down all the enemies-to-lovers content you were consuming, because this was the last thing you wanted to happen. Real life just doesn’t play out like that.

Giving him some slack and perhaps a half-assed attempt at reverse psychology, you replied with a tired tone. “I’ll agree with you on that one, so you may walk away now, Kim.”

Except that Seungmin didn’t seem to catch the memo.

“Says the one who keeps talking,” he snarks at you. “For someone who told me to keep my mouth to myself around you, you’re the one who keeps the conversation flowing.”

You rolled your eyes for the second time since starting this conversation. At this point, you were convinced that Kim Seungmin was on a mission to dislocate it. “You just have to win everything, do you?”

“It’s my charm, I suppose.”

“And I disagree. The only charm you have is that mouth of yours you use to manipulate everyone around you.”

That seemed to snap something within Seungmin. “What the hell did I ever do to you?” He spits out furiously. “I would’ve already sued you for defamation if you acted like this around everyone else, so you should be thankful that I’m being tolerant of your attitude right now.”

“Thankful? Why would I be thankful?” Was your baffled response. “You know, I’m starting to believe that you don’t remember what you put me through all those years ago at all, and it’s only making me more upset that you seem to hold no remorse whatsoever.”

“If it’s that bad, then go ahead and tell me!” Seungmin hissed in an attempt to keep his voice down and not cause a scene. “I don’t have time for this roundabout game you have going on, and honestly, neither should you. We have a high-profile movie to film, and I would never let whatever this is ruin the hard work of a hundred people—so get your head out of your ass and either clench your teeth and save the working environment we have or be a dear and solve this issue with me right now.”

Now you were just barely containing your rage. It was at this point that you realized that Seungmin wasn’t faking anything; and that made it sting a lot more in your already scarred heart. Of course, someone like him wouldn’t understand why you were acting like this. Someone like him, born talented enough to be loved and praised by everyone, would never see the other side that you had to be dragged through—the side that existed all because of people like him, too.

“Fuck you, Kim Seungmin,” you croaked out through tears. “I knew someone like you would never understand.”

And you ran.

“What are—Y/N! Come back here!”

03 : THREE.

“Y/N, where in the world even are you? You need to come back to the actors’ tent right now!”

Changbin’s voice boomed through your phone’s speaker a lot louder than usual, causing you to jerk it away from your ear in pain. Well, you did deserve the scolding—after running off to God knows where in a relatively remote town you didn’t even know, you would be pissed as hell too if you were your manager. What kind of actress just leaves the set without a single thought like that?

“I swear, Y/N. Do not tell me you’re lost because I’m pretty sure I left you somewhere safe the last time I saw you,” you hear Changbin huff on the opposite end. “I can’t believe you told me that you were going to be fine on your own, and I actually trusted you. That’s it! I’m not letting you wander around the set anymore from this point onwards!”

You couldn’t help but find your manager’s rant funny, despite the clear threat being held above your head. “Really? I’m telling you that it’s almost call time, and you’re just laughing. Fine, go on your own soul-searching, or whatever it is you’re doing. I’m telling everyone you left your role to go play hooky—”

Oh, you could only wish. After your little squabble with Seungmin, playing hooky didn’t sound like a bad option. Sadly, you still had a conscience that weighed on you—even more hypersensitive to the people around it with your co-star’s earlier comment of ruining other people’s hard work. You hurriedly shook your head to get rid of the negative thoughts that were starting to plague your head once again, and instead focused on the group of trees that lined the path towards the entrance of the function hall.

“Changbin, I’m fine.”

“Damn right, you should be!” He screeches one last time before calming down. “But in all seriousness, you need to head over here now, or Director Han is going to chew me a new one. He knows my sister, and I don’t want to be berated for not doing my job properly by her of all people.”

You chuckled at the competitiveness in his voice. “Don’t worry, I just took a short walk for fresh air. You know how nervous I was earlier on the way to the set.” Changbin hummed in acknowledgement.

“And on the way to this town in general,” he teases. It didn’t last long, though, since he immediately followed up on your well-being with a soft tone. “Did the walk help? I can get you some hot tea too, if you want.”

“Look at you, finally being a proper manager,” you threw back at him, snickering as offended noises started to pour out of your phone. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll take you up on that tea offer. Plus, I’m just around the corner now.”

Once you saw his figure coming into view, you hung up the call and opted to wave your right arm to catch his attention. Changbin broke out into a frantic sprint towards you the minute he saw you approaching.

“Oh, thank whatever deity there is. You need to head over to the tent right now and—” He suddenly stopped mid-sentence, holding you still at arms length to give you a look of confusion as he scanned your face. “Did you cry? Why are your eyes like that?”

Shoot. You had totally forgotten about that for a second. “Ah,” was all you could muster in a sheepish daze. “It was just to let the nerves out, you know? It’s nothing serious.”

Changbin narrowed his eyes at your excuse, making you hold your breath unintentionally. It felt as though you were being picked apart, trying to find the truth that you desperately wanted to keep hidden. Eventually, the man before you decided to let it be, sending you off with an exhausted wave.

“Hm. Alright, and it’s already going away, so it must’ve just been a light session. Try to blink it out more so that it’s long gone once you step in front of the cameras.”

You silently breathed out a sigh of relief. “Will do. Thanks, Changbin.”

“Stop being a sap and head over to the tent already,” he chuckles before sending you a comforting smile. “Good luck. I’ll just be here.”

A grateful look found its way onto your face as you walked briskly towards the actors’ tent. You should really treat Changbin to dinner after all of this is over, you think to yourself, putting on your game face and entering the enclosed area with a newly steeled heart.

Now, Seungmin wasn’t the type to be overly concerned with others’ business. While he wouldn’t exactly call himself an extreme individualist, he still did have an appreciation for community. You wouldn’t catch him dead in the act of trying to mingle with someone else’s issues if it had nothing to do with him. However, all that seemed to somehow fly out the window whenever it had something to do with you.

To him, you were a person qualified enough to be considered intertwined with his own life. Sure, he hadn’t seen you in person for years, but that still would never be able to erase the fact that you knew him behind the cameras. Actually, even worse.

You knew the person he was before he even took up acting as a career.

Perhaps that was why he was so bothered by the way you were acting with him recently. He doesn’t even recall ever being that hostile to someone since his high school days, and that alone terrified him. It was like he regressed back to the days of his youth whenever he interacted with you—and that did more harm than good. The younger him was full of teen angst that he wanted to bury deep inside the confines of his past, but the animosity you seemed to harbor personally against him made him wonder if he was truly missing important information from that era of you both.

So when he saw you walk into the tent with fading redness evident in your eyes, just right after your small fight with him earlier, he instantly felt a punch in his gut. In all honesty, he wasn’t aiming to make you cry—it just so happened that the spur of the moment was so intense that he spat out things he barely meant. Sure, they still stemmed from the truth of how he felt since he did want to make amends with you, but even he wants to kick himself for the way he worded things so out of pocket. His reaction to the situation was so childish that it would be easier to think he finally went insane from the busy schedules he’s been doing than believe that what he did was a conscious decision. He was supposed to be the mature one at that moment, reaching out to fix the issue.

And yet here he was, feeling like a child in front of you.

He wanted to approach you, apologize for earlier, and maybe another one for whatever stupidity his old self did that was clearly bad enough for his mind to completely block out entirely. If you were reacting this much, it had to be at least somewhat of a traumatizing experience. Seungmin doesn’t think he ever got that bad back then, but everyone had different perspectives—and yes, young him had a tendency to be a prick. He still had friends, though, and no one ever called him in to discuss his behavior, so it wasn’t like he was a bully.

Either way, he felt the need to apologize—and maybe get an apology back, but his legs wouldn’t let him. A part of him knew that if he did approach you at the moment, you might run away again, and it was almost time for the briefing. Instead, he settled on looking at you across the pop-up room, hoping that his silent sentiment was delivered.

Which it was not. At all.

If anything, it added more pressure to whatever nerves you were holding back. Seungmin’s gaze was so piercing to the point that you didn’t even need to turn and look to know that he had his eyes locked on you. What does he want from you now? Oh, right—you two would be filming your scenes together in a matter of about an hour or two. Maybe this was Seungmin’s way of telling you to get your shit together while finally respecting your wishes to be left alone. Improvement is improvement, so you’d leave him alone to do his thing too.

“All right, is everyone here?” A lean man in his mid-twenties walked in, asking everyone inside. There was another person following him, yet seemingly younger. “It seems so. If someone you know is late, just fill them in with the details later.”

The first man lifted up a thick bind of paper, which you quickly recognized as the script. “I’m sure everyone has read their copy of this. My name is Hwang Hyunjin, and I’m the head scriptwriter for this film. Over here to my side is Yang Jeongin, my assistant. We’re here to give you a briefing on how this shoot will go for today since Director Han and Assistant Director Lee are busy with the filming crew as of the moment.”

So they were the ones behind the script. You felt your excitement levels increase as various questions about the story’s making filled your head—but you would save that for another day. Perhaps during the crew dinner after the movie’s filming was completed.

“Today, we’ll be filming one of the first scenes in the movie—the reunion. That’s why there’s a lot of you are here right now, despite the story only really having a few recurring characters. Still, whatever your role is, I hope you take this opportunity with pride. All of you here will be treated as actors for as long as you stand on this set, so have the dignity of one. Whether you have lines or not, what I expect from all of you is your best, and only your best,” Head Scriptwriter Hwang emphasized.

The briefing continued on with the necessary information for the reunion scene, with detailed clarifications and stage directions. If you weren’t locked in on all the information being fed to you, you would’ve had half the mind to acknowledge how strikingly handsome the man was upfront. A few others did, though, and you couldn’t really blame them. The guy could be an actor himself if he wanted to be.

“And I believe that’s all for now,” Head Scriptwriter Hwang clapped his hands in satisfaction. “Hair and makeup will take care of you all for about an hour and a half. I see that some of you already came prepared, so go ahead and touch up yourself if you want to. Main characters, you have your own booths,” he glances towards the stations at the end of the tent.

“You’ll be called up when needed. Actor Kim Seungmin, please get ready first since we need you for the entrance shots. That is all. Good luck.”

Head Scriptwriter Hwang bows politely to all of you before exiting the tent with Assistant Yang. With that, the battlefield begins.

You couldn’t remember much of what was happening other than you being sat down in front of a well-lit mirror and letting yourself become a doll in the hands of the make-up artists. The one assigned to your hair did start a short conversation about your previous works, to which you could only thank her shyly for her support. While you weren’t the most popular actress out there, you were still relatively well-known, with notable works under your belt. Seven years of experience wasn’t something someone could just laugh at, after all.

On the other hand, your co-star was a famous A-lister who was most likely getting paid significantly more than you for his role in this film. You glanced a bit to your right, where Kim Seungmin was happily chatting with his hair and makeup assignees, his voice effortlessly traveling its way over to your spot.

Ever the social butterfly, that one.

“Are you excited?” The woman assigned to your hair, who you learned was named Eunha, asked. You looked at her, startled by the sudden topic change. “Sorry—it’s just that you kept looking over at Actor Kim that it came to mind. He is quite the looker, isn’t he?”

“Oh.”

How should you even respond to that? It wasn’t like you could just go around advertising your personal beef with the man when, as far as you knew, he had a clean record on his plate. That would just be a lawsuit waiting to happen. You’d have to settle for something vague instead. “I guess,” you cringe at the evident pain in your voice.

“I’ve heard from others in the industry that he’s a great guy. You’ll have a blast filming this movie with him. I know it’s a bit awkward right now, but I’m sure you’ll warm up to him soon. After all, you’re both the lead roles.”

You’ll surely have a blast, alright—straight to the ego.

This conversation just gave you the unfriendly reminder that you had to act all lovey-dovey with this man, and if anything, it was triggering some unpleasant memories. By memories, you meant the charity drama from your acting academy days.

Your experience with that project was interesting, to say the least.

It had all started with Seungmin winning the prize of being the drama’s male lead after getting the top spot on the year-end evaluation for the junior level. Along with his prize came the privilege to choose who he would be acting alongside, only to surprise everyone when he chose you, a trainee who barely got recognition and wasn’t even in the top ten of your level. At first, you felt honored. It was like you were finally getting acknowledged, and by the top performer, no less. So you worked hard to do your part properly, wanting to repay Seungmin for his act of kindness; only for that kindness to turn out to be a mockery of you.

The difference in skill between you two was just too wide. Your shortcomings showed far too much, and your mistakes ended up being emphasized to the point that your level advisor became endlessly frustrated with you. First, it was the scolding. The woman clearly did not appreciate you holding back the entire production, especially since it was for a cause, so she would point out every problem in your acting, which quickly took a turn after you showed barely any improvement. Eventually, your advisor started to berate you—going as far as constantly referring to you as the reason the drama would fail. When you tried to raise the concern with her that it was affecting you negatively, she only brushed you off with a comment about how you should know to take constructive criticism this early to succeed in the actual industry.

At eighteen years old, you could only clench your teeth and accept your fate.

Things only got worse when you overheard Seungmin talking to his friends near the vending machines after practice one day—the same day they were talking about you.

“Dude, why did you choose Y/N to be the female lead?” One of Seungmin’s friends, Yeonjun, groaned aloud. “She’s awful at it. What? Do you like her or something?”

Seungmin only shrugged. “Not really,” he said, uninterested. “I just kept seeing her name during level advancements but never saw her doing anything to stand out. If she got this far, then I should give her a chance, no?” Yeonjun pursed his lips at the answer.

“That’s just cruel, man. The witch has it out for her now.”

“Then she can just do better,” Seungmin chuckles, taking a sip from his soda before continuing. “Not my problem anymore. If I do my role well enough, maybe they’ll pay less attention to whatever she’s doing.”

Beomgyu, another friend of his, scoffed. “So, like—you’re basically using her to your advantage.” You watched Seungmin wave him off without a care.

“Stop making it sound so bad like that,” he hums at the thought. “Let’s just say I’m saving her the embarrassment. Like you said, it was my fault she’s getting thrown around like this anyway,” Seungmin continues before tossing his empty can of soda in the trash.

And wow, did you feel like one after hearing that.

Starting from that point onwards, you held a dislike for Kim Seungmin. It did, however, give you enough spite to use as a driving force to do well in the charity drama—eventually climbing up to senior level right beside Seungmin, where you two clashed for the higher ranks before graduating and starting your own careers.

Despite this, the memory of the junior project still stayed ingrained in you, never really managing to fade away like you wanted it to, causing you to struggle in your quest to succeed in the industry. The deprecating thoughts came at the worst times, making you revert back to that eighteen-year-old who kept her tears at bay as the director shouted at her for the nth time.

It was particularly the worst right now.

“Cut! Bad take!”

You snapped your head towards Director Han, who looked so frustrated that he started to resemble a certain someone from the ghosts of your memories. Kim Seungmin was in front of you, his tongue poking at his cheek after hearing the comment. Right, you were at the set—shooting a scene. And you had just failed to say your next line.

“Actress Y/N, you can’t just keep forgetting your lines like this!”

04 : FOUR.

You really can’t go on forgetting your lines like this.

“Y/N.” Changbin sighs heavily. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

It would have been amazing if the gods could hear your plea. Your wish was fairly simple, after all—to be buried six feet under at the moment. To hell with being a popular actress; you wanted nothing more than to disappear right now after that stunt you just pulled. On the first day of filming, no less.

Should you just go dig your own hole instead?

“It won’t happen again,” you softly replied, like a child getting scolded by their mother.

Your manager could only take a deep inhale at your words. “And I believe you, I really do,” he says. “But I can’t just let this go like this.”

Of course, he couldn’t. You would do the same thing in his shoes. Changbin was a manager for an actress—an actress who clearly can’t even manage herself. Your job’s core had a simple description, and that was to act out your lines. Lines that you had to memorize, internalize, and perform. What was the point of having seven years of experience under your belt if you couldn’t even do the basics of your occupation?

“You have to understand, Y/N. It wasn’t just once, or twice, or heck—not even thrice! You had a minimum of five retakes per couple of lines, and that’s already concerning enough for me to have to intervene. Director Han was really disappointed today, and it’s only the first filming. The only reason you’re still coming back on set tomorrow is because, at the end of the day, we managed to get good takes despite the issues. So pray tell, is something wrong?”

The humble inn’s room you were staying in became devoid of sound from your lack of response, making the cicadas outside seem a lot louder than they actually were. Your sitting figure made you look small in front of the man before you, who was pacing across the room in distressed strides. In all honesty, you had nothing to say back to Changbin. As much as you trusted him like your own older brother, explaining your oh-so-stellar performance earlier would entail having to reveal your past with Kim Seungmin, which was the last thing on the list of secrets you wanted to get out. Thus, there was only one solution to your dilemma.

“Can we replace Kim Seungmin?”

Changbin’s jaw slacked. “What—him again?” He laughed humorlessly, completely baffled at your request. “And replace, you say? Y/N, at the rate we’re going, you’re the one in danger of getting replaced!”

Okay, you should’ve expected that. But the sting from your manager’s comment wouldn’t hurt any less, even if you did.

You were well aware of all of your shortcomings as an actress. The seven years you gained in this industry clearly taught you a lot of important lessons, but those same seven years barely did anything to your ability, no matter the amount of effort you desperately poured into your career. It felt like a futile attempt at pouring into a cup that had a big hole at the bottom—knowing you could be filled to the brim with the necessary factors to succeed exponentially, yet still letting everything go down the drain.

Maybe this was the wake up call you needed to acknowledge that you’re the only one holding yourself back. And you had the slight inkling that you knew all along where this whole mess stemmed from.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, even?” Changbin ran a hand through his already tousled hair. “Look, if you really don’t want to tell me, then fine. I’ll respect your wishes. But you can’t expect me to understand where you’re coming from if I know nothing. Deal with how overbearing I could be, or I don’t know, just keep that in mind.”

“I understand.” You meekly nodded. “Sorry, again. I’ll do better tomorrow.”

With your vague words, Changbin eventually came to the conclusion that you weren’t going to speak about the issue today. Walking towards you, he finally accepted your decision with a light pat on the head. “You don’t have to say that to me, Y/N. Maybe to the crew tomorrow. And Actor Kim Seungmin if you want. Just promise me a better performance tomorrow, and we’ll be good.”

You chuckled dryly. “Yes, I’ll do that.”

“Alright.” Your manager rolled his shoulders back, releasing the tension that built up from his pacing. “I’ll go to my own room now. Get some good rest. You need it after what happened today,” he chuckles.

“Okay, good night.”

You plastered a small smile for him, only letting it drop completely after you heard the door shut. After that, it was just you and your mind, ready to play the most depressing thoughts all through the night to beat you down once again. However, you weren’t going to fall for that today. You had already promised a better performance on filming tomorrow.

And what better ways were there to achieve both than practice until the sun rises?

Well, that surely did it’s work for you because you walked into the set the next day looking like a few years had just shaved off your lifespan. But as long as you could still function well enough to participate in the shoot, then you would consider your little sacrifice worth it.

A certain someone would beg to disagree, though.

Seungmin has never felt more concerned in his life. Just what in the world did you do all night to come out of your room looking like a literal zombie? To make matters worse, no one was even batting an eye at your less-than-ideal state! He watched you get your makeup done from across the tent with a thoughtful expression.

“Is it just me, or did Y/N get no sleep whatsoever?”

Minho cringed at Seungmin’s blunt comment. “Oh, you noticed it too?” He purses his lip, feeling uneasy. “I feel bad for her, but after the mishap from yesterday, I wouldn’t be surprised if she stayed up all night trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again. No sleep is better than no role in this industry, after all.”

Seungmin frowned at his manager’s words. That can’t be right. Sure, as actors, getting roles to play was their bread and butter—but no project was going to be worth more than their own well-being. If your condition was bad, then how were you expecting to have the proper mindset to act well? That should be simple logic.

He huffed. “I’m going to talk to her.”

Before he could even take a step forward, a strong force had already pulled him back. “Stop right there, Seungmin.” His manager gripped his shoulder in warning. “I know you mean well, but please do not do anything to agitate Actress Y/N any further.”

Seungmin turns back in disbelief. “What are you even talking about?”

“Aren’t you two close? I know how you joke around when you’re comfortable, and I’m just letting you know that this might not be the best time to do so.”

The actor narrowed his eyes at the implication being thrown his way. “You know, you’re making me out to be a major ass right now.” Minho shrugged.

“That’s because one wrong move, and you might as well be,” he sighs. “Look, all I’m saying is that what she probably needs right now is support. Someone who would give her motivation to get through the shoot today.”

Seungmin deadpanned at his manager’s sudden advice. He wasn’t expecting Minho, of all people, to lecture him about how to properly interact with others. “Exactly?” The younger of the two raises a brow. “What else do you think I was going to do?”

Minho looked hesitant for a second. “You and I both know that you’re not exactly the most—” he trails off, making random expressive movements with his hands instead. Seungmin scoffed.

“Spit it out.”

“—Motivating. You’re probably the least motivating person here.”

Seungmin visibly blanched at Minho’s admittance. Truth be told, he wasn’t expecting the older man to say anything particularly nice, but the actual reveal was just completely out of his radar.

Even when he was young, Seungmin never struggled with making friends. He’s always been well-liked by the people around him, which has made him fairly popular amongst his peers. With such a positive response from a lot of people regarding him as a person, Seungmin was clearly gifted in the art of making friends. So now, being told that he lacked the skill of uplifting others greatly confused him. If that were true, then shouldn’t he have had the opposite experience with socializing?

“I—” He stutters, caught off guard. “Do my social skills not prove to be enough for you?”

“Those are two completely separate things,” Minho barely managed to suppress a sneer. “Seungmin, you’re great at casual talk—that’s no surprise. But you also have the tendency to be dense. And that’s putting it lightly.”

“Oh.”

That would make sense. A part of him also admitted that his younger counterpart did struggle with connecting to others. Yes, he had a lot of friends, but that didn’t mean he saw all of them equally. As harsh as that may be, the old Seungmin had this unfathomable standard for people he could call friends, which he used as a strict criteria for judging others. He still kicks himself whenever he gets reminded of how big his high horse used to be, for no reason. Seungmin was more than willing to leave that time of his life at the back of his mind to collect dust. His life has been so much better without it, and he would do anything to maintain this satisfactory present he has carved for himself.

His manager chuckled. “Who knows, though? Maybe you could finally practice your empathy with this conversation. You’ve been around professional robots for far too long.”

“That sounds like an insult,” Seungmin says, expressing his doubt.

“I’m just saying it as it is.” Minho patted his back twice. “Now, I already warned you enough. If you still want to talk to Actress Y/N, then go ahead. Just know that whatever comes out of that mouth of yours is completely your responsibility, and I will not cover for you if you come out of this one with a broken friendship.”

Seungmin let the words sink in.

“There you go, all done!” Eunha exclaims, lightly pushing your hair forward to make the volume more noticeable. You gave her a thankful smile.

Eunha was someone you'd only known for two days, but she was already becoming your favorite person on set. The way she manages to lighten your mood every time made her worthy of being on the list of people you greatly appreciated, especially with how things were going for you recently. Today too, her positivity was very welcomed.

“Thank you,” you say while admiring her work. “It looks pretty today too.”

The hairstylist beamed. “Of course it should be,” she huffs in pride. “You need to be the prettiest one here on set. After all, you’re the female lead!”

You knew she didn’t mean it to be, but her words felt like little stabs to your heart. The prickly ache spread slowly, like poison that was meant to be discrete. You chuckled to offset the pain.

“Right.”

Female lead. The character you worked so hard for—only for you to also ruin the chance with your own hands. You couldn’t help but think of how ungrateful you were being, and for what? A personal grudge towards your co-star, who was being more professional about the situation than you ever tried to be? It was almost laughable how belatedly you realized that the situation was never going to be in your favor. You weren’t someone looking to be pitied, so why were you hypocritically trying to paint yourself as the distressed damsel?

Eunha sent you a troubled glance as she fixed the tools on the table. “Are you alright? I—” She sighed. “I didn’t want to point it out earlier, but I guess my concern got the best of me. The bags under your eyes looked deep earlier—Yerin did a great job covering them up, though! You don’t worry about how you’ll look on camera, but I’m just worried about your condition.”

You sheepishly scratched your arm at being pointed out. “Sorry for worrying you. I just forgot the time last night and fell asleep late. You could say I was too excited to shoot again today.”

“Well, that’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

You jumped in your chair, startled by Seungmin’s voice suddenly joining the space on your side of the tent. Eunha’s eyes gave you a silent apology before bowing to Seungmin and heading out of the tent, indicating that her task was finished. Your gaze fluttered toward your co-star, who was looking at you in a disapproving manner. It was then that you remembered his comment.

“And that was rude of you to disrupt a conversation that had nothing to do with you.”

Seungmin wasn’t fazed by your bite. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I asked a question first, Kim.” You crossed your arms at being ignored. “Also, I did sleep.”

"No, you didn’t,” he pressed on. You could feel your blood pressure rise at his insistence. “Even a twenty-minute nap could do wonders. You just look horrible.” You scoffed at the insult.

“Gee, thanks. Exactly what I needed to hear.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened comically, and you almost laughed at the sight. Almost. He looked so guilty of what he had just said that you felt the urge to tease him as revenge.

“Wait, no—”

“An explanation isn’t necessary,” you hummed. “Even if that wasn’t a joke, I could really care less right now.”

Your reply made Seungmin flail his hands around like a madman. “It was a joke. I didn’t mean anything about it,” he coughs out before composing himself after realizing how silly he was acting. “Sorry.”

“Ok. Thank you for apologizing.”

“Sure,” he trailed off. Seungmin was now unsure of what to even do.

Oddly enough, your heart warmed at his reaction. A part of you was thanking yourself for finally becoming more rational, as you thought that maybe he wasn’t so bad. Sure, your past together was still rocky territory, but you had to remind yourself that time had also passed. Seven years at that. That detail took you back to the conversation you two had back at the table reading. You remember the way you hissed at him that you had changed—what made you assume that he couldn’t do it too? Everyone was allowed to become better versions of themselves, and Kim Seungmin wasn’t exempted from that. He was but another person living amongst others in this world, after all.

Changbin was right. Seungmin also deserved an apology.

“I guess I also owe you an apology,” you say softly. “About how I’ve been towards you the whole time—it was immature of me. I hope we can continue to work well until the end of this project, like you said yesterday.”

“Now, this is just odd.”

Seungmin was now utterly lost. He recalls approaching you despite Minho’s warnings, deciding that he had enough self-restraint to not screw it up—only to end up insulting you without meaning to. But that wasn’t the confusing part.

It was your reaction.

In Seungmin’s experience, you weren’t one to let something go like that. Even back when you both were in your senior level days at the academy, a simple jest from him would set you off into flames. The you he knew would immediately choose to chew him out, hoping that he would get burned by a rogue ember of your fury for even just attempting to speak such words. But the person in front of him right now did none of that. The you in the present simply took the accidental insult and even apologized for the ones you’ve spat out over the previous days. It was a whiplash, to say the least—just yesterday he was still fighting to keep you in a flowing conversation. So, what was this he was witnessing?

“Is it?” You snicker. “Just think of it like winning. You were right. This is a high-profile project, and I’m over here messing around. I’ve prepared a better performance for you all to see today, so be rest assured.” Seungmin still wasn’t assured.

“Y/N, are you sure you’re alright—”

“Main characters on set!”

Damn. So that’s how it feels for your conversation to get interrupted by someone unrelated to it. Seungmin internally acknowledged your annoyance earlier and kicked the memory of himself from a few minutes earlier.

You turned back to him, tilting your head. “What was that?” Seungmin refused to admit that he found the action cute.

“No, it’s nothing,” he said, clearing his throat. “Let’s have a good shoot.”

05 : FIVE.

Okay, you do not think this was turning out to be a good shoot.

You were already regretting pulling another all-nighter the day after you got absolutely no sleep. This meant that you were already nearing 48 hours of no sleep, to which you were surprised you were still even capable of functioning. You had never gone this long without sleep, and it was both thrilling and terrifying to you at the same time.

Honestly, you were already expecting to feel lethargic after the shoot yesterday, especially after staying up the entire night to master your parts and was planning to go to sleep early to make up for it. However, after getting nothing but praise from the directors and filming crew the whole day for your stellar performance that day, you came to the conclusion that perhaps your sacrificial act was exceptionally effective. A little too effective since your manager even said that your acting became much more alive than the takes you did the previous day, despite feeling the complete opposite internally.

Now, while you normally wouldn’t describe yourself as someone who was peer pressured easily, it still felt really nice for your hard work to be acknowledged after the disappointing performance you had the day before. Which also led you to your current predicament—woefully repeating the same magical process that helped you gain your reputation back.

“You’re yawning an awful lot.” Seungmin raised a brow in question. “Don’t tell me that all the praise you got yesterday already got to your head, and you suddenly find all this boring.”

An irked look made its way onto your face, pinching hard on Seungmin’s arm. You watched in satisfaction as he yelped audibly at your damage, jerking away in reflex. “What the fuck, woman?”

“It’s what you get,” you say nonchalantly while shrugging. Seungmin scoffs at the response.

“Just because we have a truce now doesn’t mean you can abuse me whenever you like,” he snarls. “What happened to the Y/N who didn’t want me to talk to her unless, quote on quote, necessary?”

You cringe at the unwelcome reminder of your previous activities. “I apologized! Would you rather have me act like a total bitch again?”

“Well—no. That Y/N was a pain to deal with.”

“Then be grateful for what you have right now.”

Seungmin lets out an amused snort, crossing his arms and leaning backwards closer towards the living room’s walls, where you two were on standby. “Oh, believe me. I’m more than grateful.”

The set right now was in a cozy cottage house, designed to imitate what the female lead’s family home would look like. You had already moved past the beginnings of the main characters’ romance yesterday and were now heading into the development stage, where they spend more time together until they realize their feelings. A domestic scene in one character’s home was a popular trope—which was, of course, also included in the movie.

If today’s shoot goes well, then you only have one day left in the filming process before everyone packs up to head back to the city. Not for Seungmin, though. The male lead still had to film the first part of the movie where he quit his job at the company. You’d have to laugh at him about it on the last day.

First, you had to get through this shoot without fainting flat on your face.

It was a particularly hot day too, which made your drowsiness even worse. The rural countryside cottage didn’t have an air conditioner set up, so you had to make do with fans all over the place. But that barely did anything to cool you down, as the air around the place itself was humid. At least you weren’t shooting out in the sun today.

“Geez, my makeup might melt even before we start filming,” you groan. “That’s if my head doesn’t explode first.”

Seungmin chuckles. “Blame your character for being a sweater enthusiast. That outfit must be torture in this weather.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. The thick baby blue cardigan you were wearing felt like a punishment to wear at the moment. It was unfortunate that you felt really cute in this get-up because you wanted to trash on it so badly.

Actually, fuck it. Comfort matters more.

“I don’t understand how she does it,” you whine dramatically. “Every scene she’s had has her wearing some kind of version of a sweater. Does she not get hot at all?” You pull on your slightly weighted cardigan.

“I do think she’s plenty hot enough.” Seungmin smirks, glancing at you while waiting for your reaction.

You hummed in agreement. “She’s probably just tolerating it since it's her clothing style. I’ve had my fair share of those moments too.”

It wasn’t something you could see since you were more preoccupied with watching the staff prepare for filming, but Seungmin’s ears were slowly turning red. He took note of how his less than savory joke completely flew over your head, now leaving him to drown in the embarrassment of his original intentions.

Internally, he was already having a boxing match with himself. He thinks she’s plenty hot enough? What does that even mean? You were the only image he had of the female lead since you had her role! Seungmin wanted the ground to suddenly swallow him whole at the implication.

You, on the other hand, were fighting a completely different battle. The combination of the heat and your severe lack of sleep was becoming dangerous. You could already feel a growing pounding in your head, the world’s noise becoming more muffled by the second. It seemed like your vision wasn’t affected yet, though—and for that, you were relieved. That meant you could still stretch yourself out until the shoot was finished. You’d already done this once yesterday, so a second time wouldn’t be that bad, right?

Wrong.

Seungmin’s voice as he carried out his lines in the scene seemed so far away to you already, and it had only been an hour since the cameras started rolling. Internally, you were already sounding the sirens. Something was definitely wrong—you don’t think Seungmin was supposed to sound like he was underwater.

Your co-star seemed to notice that you were out of it too, except he couldn’t exactly stop the scene as you were still conducting your parts as proficiently as you could. Director Han hasn’t called a cut yet, either. So, he settled on carefully watching you for signs. You also thought you could last until the scene was over—until you couldn’t.

The last thing you remember was a figure rushing over to you before your sight went pitch black.

“Y/N!”

“Cut!”

Seungmin felt his heart race as he dashed over to catch you from crashing to the ground. What was going on? You were completely fine a while ago. How did you end up fainting? Could it have been the heat? He didn’t think it was going to be that bad for you since he was dealing with it pretty well. The heat wasn’t exactly unbearable. So what was it?

“Actor Kim Seungmin,” D.O.P. Bang called out. “We should take her to the medic tent. Someone, call her manager.”

Seungmin had never agreed more to a suggestion in his life.

“Seungmin? What’s—” Minho’s face paled in shock at the sight of your limp figure. “Oh, shit. That’s why everyone is running around like headless chickens. Quick, let’s get her to the medics.”

Minho sped over to give the actor a helping hand on steadying you, only to be stopped. “We’re wasting so much time.” Seungmin clicks his tongue.

Everyone could only watch as Seungmin positioned his arms on your back and behind your knees, hastily pulling you up towards him in a bridal carry and speeding away to the medic’s tent. Minho’s jaw dropped at his talent’s actions before recovering from the shock and tailing him.

“Seungmin!”

“What?” Seungmin responds half-heartedly as he sets you down on the cushioned stretcher, stepping back as the medics do their job.

“You—” Minho squeaks out. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That!” He gestured towards you, still unconscious and being checked on by the medics on standby. “Did you just carry Actress Y/N?”

Seungmin ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “And what about it? Did I commit a crime or something? I was just helping!”

Minho was conflicted. In all the years he had been working as Seungmin’s manager, the actor had never shown this much attention towards his other co-workers, despite maintaining an approachable and friendly image. Of course, that wasn’t particularly a bad thing—especially in an industry where caution towards everyone around you was basic common sense to prevent yourself from going down a road that would lead to your demise. The view was great up where it was high, but the fall was just as immense.

What Minho did acknowledge was your past with Seungmin. Because of that, he was inclined to think more about your friendship with his talent and how that played into your dynamic. Yet, over the course of the two days you two had been filming, he hasn’t exactly seen the kind of relationship he was expecting. There were discrepancies in what he knew about you and Seungmin, as well as gaps in the bond his actor painted a picture of. In times like these, there were only a few reasonable explanations that Minho could think of, which made him uneasy.

Something big was coming in the future—one that he needed to prepare for as early as now.

Hurried footsteps could be heard nearing the tent as Seungmin and Minho diverted their lines of sight towards the entrance, just in time to see a fairly muscular figure come in all frantic. “How is she?”

Minho immediately recognized the man from a conversation he had in the personal staff area, recalling his introduction as your manager. The former bowed slightly in greeting. “Manager Seo Changbin.” Seungmin felt his blood boil after seeing your manager’s late entrance.

“Where even were you?” He asked coldly, intentionally making his tone sharp. “You know, for her manager, you sure are practically nowhere to be found during shoots.”

Changbin splutters at the accusation. “Y/N doesn’t like it when I stay to watch! She says it’s pressuring!”

“Sure. But it’s your job to be on standby in the event that she needs you. How come you weren’t?”

“I—”

“Okay, that’s enough.” A new face entered the space, who Seungmin quickly made out to be Assistant Director Lee. The second-in-hand gave him a disapproving look. “Actor Kim Seungmin, please stop lashing out at Actress Y/N’s manager.”

Seungmin felt like he was seconds away from committing arson. “I’m not lashing out if it's a reasonable argument!”

He felt someone grab a hold of him, forcefully pushing him down to sit. It was only then that Seungmin seemed to finally be conscious of how emotionally he had been acting—accepting Minho’s foresight on his actions. Assistant Director Lee, on the other hand, did not appreciate his recklessness.

“That it is, but we’re going to need you to stay calm,” he states. “The situation is sensitive enough as it is.”

Seungmin felt like he had no choice but to agree. He couldn’t risk making an unreasonable scene in such a respected project set, and knowing you, a tension-filled tent wasn’t going to be your preferred area of rest. Glancing back at your unconscious figure still being tended to, he let out a sigh to release the extra pressure in his chest.

Just what was he doing right now?

Once Assistant Director Lee saw him calm down a significant amount, he clapped to disperse the heavy silence. “Great. Now, can someone inform us when she wakes up so we can restart the shoot?”

So much for calming down, because Seungmin’s temper flared up again in an instant. “Are you kidding me?” He growled. “No, we are not proceeding with filming today!”

“Actor Kim, we don’t have enough time—”

“I’ll pay for all the expenses for the extension and rescheduling of all the remaining shoots. Put all of it under my personal bank account.”

Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets in shock. “Seungmin, what—”

“I said what I said,” Seungmin continued. “Now go do it. Both of us won’t step in front of the camera for the rest of the day.”

“You can’t just decide that for Actress Y/N,” Assistant Director Lee reasoned in disbelief.

Unluckily for him, Seungmin had already made up his mind—and when that happens, he isn’t one to give up on it.

“Then we’ll tell her it’s cancelled because I’m sure as hell won’t be filming today. You can’t make her act out the scenes prepared today without me.”

Assistant Director Lee was conflicted. Taking a day off so suddenly when they’d already had everything set up was going to be such a waste—and frankly, Director Han was already on edge about it. Granted, this wasn’t the first time he’d come across this situation, and certainly won’t be the last in his time in the industry. Now, an actor telling them that they’d pay for the cost of their demand? That one was new.

Kim Seungmin was notorious in the field for being a perfectionist, so he honestly came in here expecting him to agree with their plan. Maybe he should’ve considered the rumors he’d heard around the set that Actor Kim and you were closer than they initially thought. With that, Assistant Director Lee could only sigh. He’d just have to deal with Director Han’s displeasure.

Along with being a perfectionist, Kim Seungmin was also incredibly stubborn.

“I understand,” he concedes. “I’ll inform Director Han.”

Seungmin tried not to show his surprise on his face. He didn’t think he’d actually get this result so easily, but it was welcomed. “Thank you.”

“Let us know if you change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

Assistant Director Lee chuckled at Seungmin’s firm reply before announcing his leave. The atmosphere in the tent improved as he stepped out, but awkwardness still lingered in the air. Minho dropped down to slump on a plastic chair, leaving Changbin to stand stiffly near him.

“Y/N is totally gonna kill you, dude.” Minho groans, completely letting go of formalities in stress.

Seungmin had half the mind to be embarrassed by his choices. “And to think I’m doing this all for her sake,” he scoffs good-naturedly before turning to your manager. “Did something happen before the shoot? She couldn’t have passed out like this just because of the heat today.”

Changbin scratches at his neck. “Uh, I’m not sure—”

“—It’s exhaustion,” one of the medics spoke up. “Her body seems to be completely fatigued, as well as slightly dehydrated, but that must be the heat’s contribution. Has she not been getting enough rest?”

They watched as Changbin’s face morphed into shock, completely unsure of how that could’ve even happened. “But she said she was going to bed early yesterday!”

Your manager was slowly getting on Seungmin’s nerves. First, it was his constant absence from the set. Next, it was his blatant disregard for your well-being. The last time he checked, a manager was supposed to be aware of their talent’s condition as much as possible. Any less and it would be neglect.

He narrowed his eyes. “The picture you’re painting for me is not a good one, Manager Seo.”

“What are you implying right now, Actor Kim?” Changbin pounced back, Seungmin’s tone stirring negative emotions inside him.

Seungmin refused to back down. “You know damn well.”

“Kim Seungmin!”

“Watch your mouth—”

A rustling noise interrupted the three men’s small disagreement. “Ugh,” you groaned in pain. “What in the world?”

“Y/N!” Seungmin jumps up without a second thought to rush over. In the distance, Minho and Changbin’s eyes meet in mutual speculation.

“Seungmin, sorry, but please shut up.” You raise a hand to cradle your head. “My head is pounding.”

You could vaguely make up a medic handing Seungmin some pills and a bottle of water, saying something about how you were stable enough to just need rest and hydration. The next thing you knew was feeling a hand gently take your chin to create an opening and a pill being dropped inside, along with a water bottle pressing against your lips. You gulped it down in shock.

“The fuck—” You coughed. Another hand came up again to wipe some of the water you spilled around your mouth before you pushed it away. “Kim Seungmin!”

Your co-star rolled his eyes at your dramatics. “Would it kill you to stop being so fussy?”

“Not when you’re treating me like a child!”

Changbin clears his throat, effectively stopping your bickering. “Uh—I’m going to go get us lunch,” he meekly informs you two. “The medics also already went out to get food earlier, so I think we need to get our share before it’s all gone.”

Minho nods at Changbin’s words a bit too enthusiastically for your liking. “I’ll come with him. You two can talk while waiting.”

The two of you watch as your managers dash out of the tent like cartoon characters, raising a suspicious brow at their sudden change in behavior. Seungmin clicked his tongue in annoyance before turning back to you and flicking a finger at your forehead without warning. You squealed at the added pain as Seungmin’s suppressed laughter filled the room.

“You are such an asshole!” You shriek while bringing both hands to shield your forehead belatedly.

“And your hair looks like a nest,” he replies with a snicker.

You gave him a glare at his comment, rubbing the sore spot gently. “Shit,” you whined, feeling the ache from inside your head again. “I can’t believe I fainted. How long was I out? What about the shoot? Are we resuming after lunch?”

The questions you were asking him only served as Seungmin’s reminder of his actions earlier, causing his mouth to run dry. Truth be told, even he was unsure of how to tell you everything that happened while you were away in dreamland. He couldn’t just drop the ball at you that he made sure that the shoot had been cancelled just for you to have the rest of the day to rest up. At the same time, there was practically no other way to convince you that the cancellation wasn’t your fault unless he told you the truth.

But Seungmin had already caused you enough misunderstandings to last a decade—and he wasn’t about to add another one.

“You weren’t out for long,” he told you. “I’m actually surprised you even woke up right away. The shoot’s cancelled.”

He watched you pause to let the words sink in. What did he mean by the shoot’s been cancelled? Wouldn’t that be too costly? After all, you were literally renting a place far away from the city to shoot this movie. A shoot cancellation meant an extension, which also meant new arrangements needed to be made. You curled up into a ball, wanting to evaporate into the clouds at the heat of the sun. How much more were you going to screw up everyone’s experience with this project?

“Is it because of me?” You muttered.

Seungmin felt something inside him break at how small you made yourself seem. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid, only to once again fail to prevent it. That one was on him, though—he didn’t manage to tell you right away that he was the one responsible for the shoot’s cancellation. He felt the need to chase away your negative headspace as fast as possible.

“Why do you always blame yourself first? I cancelled the shoot, so just get some more rest.” He sighs.

Your eyes snap upwards to meet his. He had got to joking. “What?” You ask, bewildered at the statement. “And they agreed? I can still continue!”

Seungmin immediately acts to lift your legs back up on the stretcher when he sees you trying to get up. He places a heavy hand on your calves to lock them in place before sending you an unamused stare. “Land a single foot out of this stretcher, and I’ll make sure the shoot gets moved to next week.”

“You can’t just do that!” Your mouth gaped open like a fish. “Do you even know how bad the cost is going to be to extend for that long?”

“I’m more than capable of shouldering the expenses.”

That single statement made your stomach drop. “You cannot be serious,” was your horrified reaction. “Seungmin, did you pay for the extension costs?”

The man before you only shrugged, like he hadn’t just dropped significant information. “What about it?” You blanched at his unconcerned attitude.

“What do you mean, what about it?” You asked, absolutely outraged. “I swear, you’ve always been like this! You think you could just play around with everything around you, since you can. Why can’t you take things seriously for once?”

It was Seungmin’s turn to look offended. “Now, when did I ever do that?”

“The charity drama!” You cry out. “Yeah, I knew all about your little plan back then. If you acted well enough, they wouldn’t pay attention to whatever mess I was making, was it? I even overheard you telling your friends you chose me to become the female lead just because you were curious about how I kept advancing levels when I barely met the standard—and there I was foolish enough to believe that you chose me for my skills!”

“I—” Seungmin stammers. “I don’t remember that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” you held back a sob, feeling emotional as you poured out your inner insecurities. “Why would you? Someone of your caliber could go around bending things to your will, and no one would bat an eye since they would justify it with your talent. I’m the complete opposite, Seungmin.”

Seungmin was quite alarmed, to say the least. These were your side of the story—the side that he never got to acknowledge. He could only watch you try to keep yourself together in front of him, clearly struggling as your emotions ran wild at the release of what seemed to be years of suppressed experiences. His body was screaming at him to move and comfort you in any way he knew how, but for the first time in his life, Seungmin was completely frozen in guilt.

“I’ve lived the life below people like you. We were the ones that were always stuck in the shadows, where stepping on us became the norm. People like us were the pieces in your games of chess who couldn’t even speak out in the fear of being thrown out.” You inhaled deeply before meeting his gaze. “It was a life you would never even begin to imagine experiencing at your ability, Seungmin.”

Your words were like spears thrown at Seungmin’s heart. They all rang true in his head. He would never understand what you went through because he was part of the problem. Seungmin thought back to his past, trying to recall where it all started.

He was a young child, only ten years old, when he discovered his passion for acting. His class decided to do a play for the school festival, and he got the role of the main character completely by chance through drawing lots. Young Seungmin didn’t think of it too much and agreed out of obligation. It wasn’t until practices started that he started to take an interest in it after receiving constant praise from his classmates and homeroom teacher. This fascination only bloomed more on the day of the festival, where he found out that performing for people could be this exhilarating.

From then on, Seungmin made it his lifelong dream to become an actor. Seeing his talent in the field, his parents supported him wholeheartedly, eventually leading to them suggesting he join an acting academy to improve. The praises didn’t stop even after he joined the academy—in fact, they only doubled in frequency, making Seungmin come to the conclusion that he must’ve been some sort of prodigy. Perhaps it was due to that mindset of his that he paraded around like the world was his. To his defense, none of the adults around him saw the wrong in his behavior and even went as far as encouraging it.

It was when he graduated from the academy and started his work as a professional actor that he got humbled by all the talent around him. Everyone seemed to be on his level or greater, which completely shattered his worldview. During those times in his rookie years, he learned the importance of hard work and how much it could really make a difference. There was one time that he thought to himself—maybe this was the reason he felt so attracted to you.

You were the first person he ever associated with the difference that hard work brought. Seungmin first noticed you on the first day of intermediate level. He had gotten to that level first and thus kept an eye out for notable candidates from the beginner level. The thing is, he had never even heard of you or any of your performances—so it was a complete surprise to see you climb up to intermediate level. From then on, he observed you from afar, never really approaching. To him, you seemed plain; someone who didn’t even exude star quality. So eventually, he forgot all about you again.

Until he saw your name on the same paper as his, indicating that both of you would be in the same batch that got promoted to junior level.

The charity drama was another project Seungmin gained an unexpected opportunity from. With the privilege given to him as the top ranker for the year-end evaluations, he chose you as his female lead. All Seungmin wanted was to see what kind of shine you had as an actor, and he was rewarded greatly with your stellar performance after days of painful practices. When you were once again bumped up to senior level right alongside him, he was ecstatic. You had changed since the charity drama, and your aura started to take up more space in their small practice room. Seungmin wanted to get closer to you, but the two of you would only end up clashing every time. He guesses that you and him were just complete opposites in everything, down to your work ethic. He still tried to interact with you in any way he knew how, though—which led to his friends teasing him about his little crush on you.

Now, he couldn’t help but think that maybe they were right.

Seungmin pulled his hand away from your calves, letting his hands fall down on his sides before bowing deeply. “I’m sorry. There would be no excuse for my actions, and it’s even worse that I have no recollection of the details when I’ve obviously affected someone. I know an apology wouldn’t erase everything that has already happened, but it would be the start of my attempts to make sure it doesn’t happen again. At this point, all I can ask for is your forgiveness.”

You quickly reached out to grasp his arms, trying to pull him up from his act of remorse. “Get up—oh my god. It’s fine, Seungmin. Really. I’ve already forgiven you yesterday, honestly. My behavior also had some faults towards you, and it was unacceptable.”

“Knowing why now, I think it was more than reasonable.”

You let out a laugh at his words. “You’re just trying to make me feel better,” you teased. “Now, I think the other crew members also deserve an apology from us.” Seungmin’s face paled at the reminder. Just imagining Assistant Director Lee scolding him for his audacity earlier was sending him into early retirement.

“Yeah,” he coughs. “But can we not take back the shoot cancellation? It would be so awkward for me if we did, and you still need the rest.”

“Fine, you big baby.” You pinched his cheek after seeing his childish pout. Seungmin was quick to swat your hand away, despite the burning sensation he could feel heating up his ears. “So does this mean we’re friends?”

Even if he could feel a crack form in his heart from your innocent words, Seungmin refused to show it.

“Sure. Friends.”

06 : SIX.

Being friends with Seungmin was odd.

Granted, you already got a taste of what that felt like for the two days that flew by since you two decided on a truce. However, you didn’t really feel much of a change in your dynamic in those two days—not until things took a turn after your conversation in the medic tent.

After your little heart-to-heart session, Seungmin had begun acting strangely. And by strangely, you meant becoming a complete one-eighty from the Kim Seungmin you were used to. It was almost like he was replaced by a softer, more warm-hearted version of himself. In one talk, you were suddenly subject to his endless affection, albeit still exhibiting the Kim Seungmin flare that you were comfortable with. Overall, it was just weird to think that four days ago, the two of you were fighting like cats and dogs. Now, you watched him bounce up and down as he gave himself a pep talk to prepare for the kissing scene.

“Are you that nervous?”

Seungmin flinches at your question, seemingly not expecting your voice to enter his head while he was seconds away from a meltdown. Your co-star looks at you sheepishly. “Is that bad? This is driving me insane.”

That was another thing different about Seungmin after the medic tent incident. He acted a lot more endearingly in your eyes. You faintly recall a comment you made a few days ago about how Seungmin would never be akin to a small bird who deserved to be doted on. But seeing the Seungmin in front of you right now, you might just take back your words.

Kim Seungmin had a lot more layers than you thought—and you found yourself wanting to uncover them all.

“I’m sure this isn’t your first kiss on camera,” you snort. “Just go do it like you usually do. Act like how your character would act in the moment. You have my whole consent, anyway.”

Seungmin wanted to tell you how much you didn’t understand his dilemma right now. In all fairness, even he was somewhat unsure of what was happening to him the past few days. All he did know was that he was right in what he thought during the first day of filming—he really did feel like he was turning younger in front of you.

It was almost embarrassing how easily he slipped into that carefree attitude around you, especially after your conversation in the medic tent. He was doing so well up until then, so what happened? Seungmin couldn’t be more curious about his own actions. He did have an inkling of what it was, but he needed more proof to act on it. Seungmin couldn’t risk becoming more of an idiot in your eyes. You already had too much of that experience with him during your filming yesterday, which was the rescheduled shoot of the one he demanded to pause.

That also meant that this was the last day you two had on set together before everyone packed their bags and headed back to the city. After that, it would be just him again on set to film the movie’s first scenes of his character.

Seungmin wasn’t disappointed. He totally wasn’t.

“What are you going to do if I lose control and give into my character, huh?” He argues. You stopped reading your script to give him an unamused stare.

“Seriously?” You scoffed. “If you really must know, then I wouldn’t do anything. If that’s what the male lead feels, then the female lead just needs to reciprocate if they’re really in love with each other. As their actors, we need to deliver those same emotions.”

You didn’t get what was making Seungmin so on edge about the scene. Reviewing his past works, this certainly wouldn’t be his first on-screen kiss, nor was it his first romance project as the male lead. What made you so different from his other co-stars that was making him act like a rookie?

“If anything, I should be more nervous than you. This is actually my first kiss scene!”

“That’s just even worse!” Seungmin whines, burying his face in his hands. “This is gonna be terrible.”

It was then that you finally had an idea as to why Seungmin looked like he was having a mid-life crisis this early in his life.

You felt a grin creep up on your face and paste itself there. “Did you want this to be a good memory for me?”

Seungmin groans at your poking. “Stop teasing me! So what if I do? Did I commit a crime, huh?”

“The crime of stealing my heart, yes.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Thank you,” you laugh. “I try my best.”

Seungmin mutters something beneath his breath—something you couldn’t hear because of Director Han calling for the two of you. He watched as you skipped away, leaving him to follow in your footsteps. Seungmin smiled at the picture painted in front of him.

“I know.”

You stopped at your designated place in front of the camera, turning back to look at Seungmin beside you, who was already sweating bullets. Your hand unconsciously lifts up to wipe them off, which startles the both of you. Seungmin opens his mouth to say something but was cut off by Director Han’s loud voice.

“Alright!” He claps. “This is our last scene for the day before we call it a wrap! I’m sure you two already know what it is, so all I’ll say is don't think too much about this. Enjoy it, or whatever you want to do—as long as it looks natural. Sounds good?” The two of you nod at him.

“Okay, camera starts at three,” he says, motioning towards D.O.P. Bang. “Two, one. Action!”

You took the opportunity to appreciate the scenery around you as the camera started rolling. The scene was set on a hill with a breathtaking view of the rest of the town. Hues of orange and pink start to tint the surroundings as the sun sets in the background. It was nothing less than ethereal, and you almost envied the female lead for having this moment in her life.

“I’ve always wanted to take someone here,” Seungmin says, reciting his lines. “When I was younger, I told myself that I was going to bring my true love here and propose. It was unfortunate that I moved away—this was my favorite spot in the whole world.”

You let yourself completely immerse in the situation. “Propose, huh? I’m sure the lucky person would love it up here. It’s so serene, like it's taking away all your stress just by being here.”

Seungmin gently grabs your hand into his, making you turn to meet his eyes. You almost gasped out of character after seeing the immense amount of love swirling in his gaze. Love looked great on him, you pointed out in your head. One day, Seungmin was going to look at someone else with the same gaze—someone that he loved with all his heart. A tinge of hot green jealousy burned in your stomach at the thought.

Part of you yearned for someone to look at you even just a fourth of the way Seungmin portrayed the male lead’s longing for the female lead. But for now, you had a role to fulfill. You could just lock these feelings up for later.

“Do you?” He asks. Your breath hitches at his question. “I’m not proposing—well, not yet. But I brought you here for a similar reason.”

Seungmin reaches for your other hand, now holding both of them. “I love you so much. I know our time together hasn’t been the longest, but it seems like my heart has found its way back home. Honestly, I first thought that it was just because I was back in town, but eventually I realized that I felt at home with you too.” He caresses your knuckles with his thumbs. “Maybe my heart knew where it belonged long before I did. I loved you back then, just like I love you now.”

You couldn’t help but genuinely tear up at Seungmin’s monologue. It was such a beautiful feeling to be loved, and you hoped that someday you could experience the same kind of love you acted with. “So, I’ll ask you this question,” Seungmin continued.

“Will you be mine?”

“Yes,” you sobbed out.

Seungmin lifts his hands to cup your crying face, bringing you closer to his own. The moment your lips connected felt so magical that you ended up leaning in more, savoring the moment with your fluttering heart. Seungmin reciprocates the act, kissing you with more emotion than he did just a second ago. His lips felt like smooth pillows, coaxing you to release all the tension you had left and rest—with him. Seungmin was being careful yet passionate at the same time, leaving you to drown in the sheer magnitude of the butterflies.

You couldn’t help but love every passing second that you were lost on his lips.

When you two pulled away due to the lack of air, he kept his forehead to yours, noses touching. The soft sound of both your laughter filled the surrounding area.

“Cut! That’s a wrap for today!” You hear everyone start cheering at Director Han’s words. Seungmin chuckles at them as he slowly steps back, missing the way your body followed after his warmth.

“Congratulations,” he says gently. You felt your heart skip a beat. “Your first on-screen kiss, done. How did I do?”

Oh, this was going to be dangerous for your heart.

07 : SEVEN.

There’s been an empty feeling in your heart since yesterday that you were trying to ignore.

It was currently the day after you returned to the city. You watched the bustling streets of urban life filter through the car’s tinted windows while Changbin continued to drive you back home after a busy day in the company. Something you had never expected to happen was getting attached to the small countryside town you filmed in enough to miss it like this.

You felt it when you stepped out of the car yesterday to head back to your apartment—the polished concrete floors of the parking building suddenly felt foreign to you. The abundance of luxury cars was evident in the space, reminding you that you were once again in the city. It felt almost cold and lonely with the way you couldn’t see the hills you got used to seeing all day long. But it would do, you think to yourself.

The city could also be warm if you wanted it to be.

“Oh? I think they’re filming the first scenes of the movie in a building around here,” Changbin pointed out from the driver’s seat. “Minho mentioned this street a day ago.”

You raised a brow at his words. “Since when did you and Seungmin’s manager get so close?”

“Ever since you and his talent did,” Changbin snickers.

Heat rose to your face at your manager’s teasing. It was no secret to anyone who witnessed the movie’s shoot that you and Seungmin got extremely close after the fainting incident. You were sure that his efforts to stop the filming from continuing that day was also the talk of the town with the crew members. After all, who would go so far as to pay for rescheduling costs for their co-star? Sure, you and Seungmin were friends, but the two of you were barely talking in the first few days of the project. Anyone in their right mind would find his actions out of the blue—just like you did too.

Maybe it was just Seungmin’s way of making up for all the things you both went through. At first, it made you mad at how he flaunted his blatant disregard for the people affected by his decisions. The image of younger Seungmin came to mind, triggering the part of you that still held a slight resentment for what he did before. However, you found yourself slowly changing your mind as you two apologized to the crew members for the sudden decision, promising them swift and quality scenes the next day. As Seungmin walked you back to your inn’s room, you couldn’t help but feel a tinge of happiness bubble in your stomach at the thought of someone caring enough to do this for you.

You watched as the evident signs of a film crew appeared in the distance, right in front of an office building. The same tents you’ve come to familiarize yourself with stood strong, indicating that this was indeed filming the same movie you were working on. It was already early in the evening, so they should be wrapping up any time soon. Should you stop by and say hello?

“Do you want to stop by and visit? You don’t have any schedules left for the rest of the evening,” Changbin suggests, getting ready to park near the building if you give confirmation.

Maybe you could repay Seungmin for his support over the past few days by visiting him. You smile at the thought of catching him off-guard.

“Sure, why not?”

The summer air of June was starting to make itself present despite already cooling significantly due to the sun saying its goodbyes an hour or two ago. Bright lights scattered across the vast street, a mixture of car lights, building lights, and streetlights morphing into the familiar image of a city that everyone knew. You walked towards the set peacefully, effectively going under the radar with a black mask covering your face. It was just a few steps more until you reached the barricade, when a familiar voice called out your name.

“Y/N?” Eunha squinted her eyes to determine if it really was you, only for you to watch them widen in surprise when her conclusion was proven correct. “Oh, it is you!”

You waved as you got closer. “Hi, Eunha. I saw you guys while passing by and thought I’d give you a visit,” you say shyly. Eunha beamed at your explanation.

“That’s so sweet of you; you’re always welcomed here!” She gives you a hug, quickly separating to drag you over the barricade. “Come on, I’ll show you to the others.”

Witnessing the set as a visitor was interesting. Despite the multiple people that greeted you on the way, it still felt as if you were an outsider with a V.I.P. pass to tour the set. Normally, you would be somewhere near the center, where the main scene was going to be shot. So staying back and watching the other crew members do their own things on the outskirts of that area was a new experience. In a way, you felt giddy like a child on a field trip.

“Actress Y/N is here!”

Eunha’s ecstatic voice traveled throughout the main area of the set, catching the attention of the directors, who had a figure you knew all too well standing right beside them. His eyes snapped up from the monitor D.O.P. Bang was showing him, eyes searching around for yours. Once he caught sight of your face, his eyes lit up.

“Y/N?”

If anyone asks, you totally weren’t checking him out. The clean black office suit he was wearing was incredibly flattering on his features, along with the formal brush-up the hairstylists put his hair in. You had only seen him with his hair down for the past few days—with his character supposedly portraying the look of someone who was comfortably back home to rest. And while that Seungmin was also objectively handsome, the way his hair was framing his face right now was stirring something more inside of you. Swallowing the feeling away, you straightened yourself.

“Hi, Seungmin.” You laughed. “Missed me?”

Seungmin abandoned his post with the directors and sped towards you. “Why are you here? It’s getting late,” he says, worried. Seungmin lets his eyes wander behind you for a second before a frown finds its way to his face. “And where’s that damned manager of yours?” You sighed at his obvious complaint.

“When are you going to let down on Changbin?” You say, unamused. “I swear, he means well. I came from the company, so he’s guarding the car since it’s just on hazard.”

“Still—” Seungmin tries to argue, only to be cut off by you waving your finger like he had been a bad child.

“Stop that. We talked about your coddling.”

He clicks his tongue in disapproval. “Maybe I’d stop once you actually learn how to take care of yourself.”

A series of claps interrupted the conversation you two were having. “Okay, break it up, lovebirds,” Minho says while inserting himself between you two. “It’s so nice to see you again, Actress Y/N. But we have a crew celebration dinner to attend, so I’ll borrow Seungmin first over here.”

Your co-star resists his manager, staying firmly on spot to prove a point. “Wait, I’ll walk her back to her car first.” Minho gave him an odd look.

“What do you mean walk her back?” He questions. “She’s attending. You just need to get changed out of that suit.” It was your turn to look confused.

“Huh?”

That was how you suddenly found yourself sitting at a long barbecue restaurant table with the other female crew members, silently listening to their energetic conversations while downing as much meat as you could. You didn’t know if this was a curse or a blessing in disguise, but you would surely regret it if you didn’t make the most of what was handed to you. Free food is still free food, even if it was a sponteneous invitation from the directors.

“I’m so happy we finished filming!” The woman assigned to your makeup, Yerin, said aloud. “Now it's those computer bastards’ turn to slave away.”

You couldn’t help but feel guilty for a portion of her hardships. “Once again, I apologize for all the trouble I caused you on set.” You slightly bowed while still sitting. “Hopefully, it will be better the next time we get to work together.” Yerin only waved off your apology.

“Oh, please—don’t be such a worrywart! Having you on set was a delight,” she squeals. “Plus, we had a blast seeing the development between you and Actor Kim Seungmin.” Eunha’s face quickly turned into one of horror.

“Yerin!”

You paled at her words. “I’m sorry, what?”

What did she mean by that? The inside of your mind turned into a battlefield at Yerin’s implication. Your eyes immediately turned to search for Changbin, feeling the need to inform him of a possible issue in the near future. In your experience in the industry, scandals always started like this. You didn’t want this to affect Seungmin’s career negatively, so it was always better to prepare early than late.

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N,” Eunha frantically says, trying to get a hold of her co-worker. “She’s just drunk.”

Yerin pushed her hands away, albeit weakly. “Eunha, stop being such a party pooper,” she whines. “We all know they’re dating now. Oh, our crew has tight lips, though! We won’t sell you guys or something.” That didn’t ease the panic that had already formed in your stomach.

“We’re not dating.”

You could only watch as Yerin’s showed genuine shock at your revelation. “Wait, for real?” She gasps. “That’s too bad. You two look great together!”

“Yerin, seriously!”

“Sorry, I’ll just go get some fresh air.” You excused yourself as politely as you could before standing up to head out the front door.

The now-cooled air pricked at your skin, making you breathe a bit more easily than in the humid interior of the restaurant. You lowered yourself to the narrow road’s curbside, choosing to sit down and admire the quiet neighborhood’s lights. It felt a lot better out here than inside, making you feel guilty for not enjoying the celebration more than you should have as one of the main characters for the project.

If you had refused, it would’ve been a bad look. You didn’t have a schedule for the night to use as a reason, and lying to the people who gave you the opportunity to work on your biggest project yet was out of the question. At the same time, you think of what you would’ve been doing instead if you had said no to their dinner offer. Laying down in your apartment while eating takeout wasn’t such a bad scene. The sliding of the aged wooden door brought you out of your thoughts.

“See? Just what I said,” a monotonous voice pointed out. “No self-preservation skills whatsoever.”

You rolled your eyes at the comment. “It’s just the outside of a family-owned barbecue establishment, Seungmin. There’s practically no one out here at this time.”

“Does that not make it worse?” He gave you a look of disapproval, crouching down slowly to join you on the curbside. “You have a knack for making people worry, do you?”

“Then stop worrying!” You snapped—his words reminding you of the situation you had just fled from to find peace.

Seungmin raised his hands in surrender. “Woah,” he exclaims. “Alright, something is clearly wrong. Talk to me.”

You could only turn away, feeling yourself unable to face him. It was an awkward subject to bring up, and you told yourself that Yerin had already promised that the crew was tight-lipped. Objectively, there was nothing more left for you to worry about. Subjectively, the implication bothered you. Seungmin furrowed his eyebrows at your reaction.

“Hey,” he calls out softly. “Did someone say something to you back there? You know I can beat them up, right?”

You grimaced at his attempts to comfort you. “You’re so violent,” you frowned. “What if it was a woman?”

“Oh, then I’m out of that. Sorry.”

“So full of shit, that’s what you are.”

Seungmin chuckled. “And that I am,” he replies, amused. “But seriously, I’m all ears if you want.”

A bitter taste announced its presence on your tongue, your mind forming a whirlpool of thoughts once again. “Why? Since we’re friends?” You spat out.

The space around you turned silent with Seungmin’s lack of response. You fought the urge to give him a discrete glance, just to see the damage you created. It took a few more seconds of the evening breeze being the only one talking between you two before Seungmin eventually spoke up.

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” he says in a low voice while running a hand through his hair to pull it back. His hairstyle from earlier was long gone, leaving you to wonder how he got rid of the hairspray so easily. “I actually don’t like that we’re friends.”

He watched as you deflated rapidly at his confession.

“Not in that way!” Seungmin splutters. “It’s just that I—ugh.” He brought up a palm to rub across his face.

Now, you were lost. The path of where the conversation was going became lost to you, making you stand in uncharted territory. Seungmin stayed silent for a few more seconds, trying to collect his thoughts. You let him have the time.

“You might curse at me for this or even put a distance between ourselves. But since this is our last day seeing each other on set until the movie’s release, I’ll take the chance now before I end up regretting I didn’t.”

“Seungmin, what—”

“The thought of staying just friends with you has been bothering me for a while now. It was like I was subjecting myself to my own personalized torture, where I couldn’t get away even if I tried. I’m still not sure what this entirely means for me—for us, but what I know is that platonic would never satisfy me at this rate.” He purses his lips, contemplating how to continue.

Eventually, Seungmin raised his head slightly to meet your eyes. “It’s odd. Admittedly, I’ve had my fair share of romantic relationships in the past, yet none of them could compare to what I was feeling now. At first, I thought it was just an obsession with you. Something that stemmed from my previous interest in you back at our senior level of academy—”

“You had a what?”

“I know,” he laughs humorlessly. “My friends used to tease me that I had a crush; that was why I was bothering you so much. Back then, I just brushed them off as jokes, telling them I only saw you as a rival. Well, look where that ended up.”

You were frozen in shock at his confession. “Seungmin,” you start. “I don’t know what to say.” He shakes his head.

“You don’t have to. Just let me have this moment to pour everything out,” he says. “Y/N, to put it into words, I feel at ease when I’m with you. At the same time, it always felt as if I was constantly worried about when it would end. That I would be left on my own again once you had finished your business with me. I tried to reason with myself, to put an acceptable distance between us in the case that what I had wasn’t the best for you. But I couldn’t do it, Y/N. Every time your voice entered my ears, it was like becoming a child. Unable to control their emotions and doing things without a second thought just because it felt like the right thing to do at the moment.” Seungmin looks up to the sky.

“That kiss we had—I think it was the happiest I’ve been in a while. It might have been just a job to you, because you could say it really was, but for me, it was finally a chance to express everything I had been holding back for the past few days. All I want you to remember is that nothing from that act was faked,” he exhales. “I really don’t think this is something you feel for a friend, so—”

“Let’s see where this takes us.”

“—What?”

“I’m not sure how you expect me to top what you just told me, but I’ll try with my own words.” You teased him with a genuine smile. “Seungmin, I feel strikingly similar to what you feel about me. Just maybe not as intensely yet.”

You let yourself move at the need to cup his face as he continues to look at you in shock. “I’m sure you already know that I spent quite a long time hating your guts, so the fact that I even started to feel an attraction towards you was shocking, to say the least. I was never one to believe in fictional tropes, despite my lifelong yearning to experience a love like that even once. As an actor, I’ve made a career out of acting those scenes out for people to see. But also as an actor, I knew more than anyone else how much real life would never be able to compare to the scripts I’ve seen brought to life on set. They were methodological, a feeling so carefully put together to achieve its maximum potential—real life isn’t like that.” You inhale deeply.

“Things happen for no reason, like they don’t for no reason either. And in a way, I felt both with you.” Your hands lowered themselves towards his hands to hold them tightly. “Enemies-to-lovers? It was laughable at first, but as the days went on, everything just fell into place as if it always belonged there. You feel like a child in front of me? I feel like I’ve never felt warmth in my entire life until you came along. When I first got out of the car yesterday, it was only then that I described urban life as cold and lonely in my entire life. I thought that maybe it was because I got too attached to the homey feel of the countryside that everything I’ve ever known somehow became foreign in a few days. But maybe it was just because of you.”

You found yourself giggling at the dumbfounded look he still had on his face, mind slow to take in what was happening in front of him. “What I’m saying is that I would love to see where this takes us. Right now, you can’t expect me to fall in love all of a sudden, especially considering our past. Though if you try hard enough, perhaps that might be just around the corner. What do you say?” Seungmin finally broke free from his trance, eyes watering.

“I’ll show you hard work that you’ve never seen before in your life.”

“And I believe it.” You pinch his cheek before standing up. “Now, let’s go back inside? The party is still ongoing.”

Seungmin clumsily follows, calling out just in time before you opened the door. “Wait—I still don’t have your number.” You gave him an astounded stare.

“Seriously?” You breathe out. “We went through all that, and we still don’t have each other’s numbers?”

Seungmin voices out his offense. “Well, I’m sorry that I was missing all my shots!”

“So, does that mean you’re gonna take a shot now, loverboy?”

“For you, yes.”

taglist 🔖— thank you for waiting ! 🫶

@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @djeniryuu @lixxpix @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @feelikecinderella @abbiestearsricochet @heelovesmeknot @floating-moon-dust @yoontaethings @hwangism143 @jazziesssss @hwangflora @vixensss @yourlocalstayyxi @dollce-exe @bambispostsblog @authentic-65 @dandelions-143

[mistiell]

Ok so, maybe you knew this already or maybe not, but... In the game, if you hover over Astarion's original outfit it says that it looks rather old and mended over several times. The running theory is that he's been reparing his own clothes (explains the cheeky embroidery in his underwear) , since we damn well know that Cazador would not give two hoots about it, and that poor baby has been running around in a 200 year old shirt and probably doesn't have much clothes with him. I just want something fluffy... maybe the reader always let's him have first dibs on whatever they find or even gets him new clothes. I just imagine him finding a brand new shirt on his tent that is soft and comfortable and I just want to weep in a corner 🥺

Can you help a sister out?

Here you are <33 (also, I'm so sorry this took so long lol) WC: 1.3k Also CW for potential spoilers

---

Astarion is slow to wake this morning, fully intending to lay with you in his tent as long as you’ll allow. Rolling over with his eyes still closed, he reaches to hook his arm around your waist only to grasp at nothing but air.

He’s certainly awake now.

It’s unusual to find you missing given he’s usually the first to wake between the two of you; two hundred years of living in The Underdark and only ever surfacing at night having apparently made him a little sensitive to light.

Sitting up and shifting onto his knees, he reaches to pull the tent flap back and peer out at the campfire. A small gust of the cool morning air sweeps over his bare torso, raising goosebumps over the skin of his arms despite the fact that he’s not really bothered by the cold. That little spike of anxiety dulls when he finds you haven’t strayed far; standing maybe fifteen feet away in conversation with Karlach.

As if you can sense him, you glance over and light up when you spot him peeking out of the tent, excusing yourself from the tiefling. He expects you to come straight over, but instead, you turn to grab a basket he hadn’t seen first.

He shuffles back to let you come inside, flushing a bit when you brush a few rogue curls from his face and bend to peck his hairline, “Good morning, handsome.”

“I- Good morning.” Is all he manages, still tired and a little stunned. Shifting off of his knees to sit cross-legged, he peers into the basket as you set it down in front of him and cocks a brow, “What’s this?”

“Clothes.”

“Well yes, I can see that, darling.” He sasses and you chortle, “But why have you brought me a basket of clothes?”

“I found it the last time we left camp.” He remembers that. You’d gone out with Karlach, Gale and Lae’zel and came back bloodied and bruised. He’d been so focused on getting you patched up that he hadn’t even thought of asking about what you might have found.

You clear your throat and glance away, smiling sheepishly, “I picked out some things I thought you’d like, but then I thought you might prefer to have a look through yourself, so,” You shrug and jerk your nose at the basket, “I brought you all of it.”

His heart would be stuttering in his chest if it could. Reaching into the pile, he thumbs over a few of the garments, feeling the different fabrics and looking over all the different colours. It’s been centuries since he’s had a choice in what to wear. Sure, he’s picked up some things throughout your travels but never so much all at once. It’s a little overwhelming, having all this to pick through after so long.

Taking hold of the basket, he pushes it closer to you, “Show me what you picked out first.”

“Oh,” Your heart rate spikes, and he smiles as you stutter out, “Are- Are you sure? I’m not sure you’d actually like what I picked out. That’s one of the reasons I brought you the whole basket.”

He scoffs and waves off the thought, “Nonsense. You could hand me the most distasteful outfit in all of Faerûn and I’d at least try it on for you.”

“Really?” “Of course I would.” He realises the implications of what he’s just said and tries to play off the sentiment with a puckish grin, gesturing towards himself, “It’s hard to not look good in something when you’re this beautiful.”

You laugh, eyes squinting shut with the force of your smile. “Yes, you truly are dashing, my love.”

“Stating the obvious, but I can’t complain,” You roll your eyes at him as he taps the sides of the basket, “Now, are you going to show me what you picked out? Or are you just going to sit here sing my praises? Personally, I’d be fine either way.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll get on with it,” Reaching into the clothes, your laughter tapers off as you glance back up at him timidly one last time, “But if you don’t like something, tell me, okay?”

He lays his palm flat against his sternum, all dramatics as he grins, “Cross my heart and hope to,” He pauses, before chuckling, “Well, die again, I suppose.”

He laughs when you shoot him a glare with no real malice behind it and tut disapprovingly.

He watches in quiet curiosity as you pull out a few items, explaining why you thought he’d like them as you go. Your reasons range from colours and patterns to embroidery and necklines, all of which are shockingly on par with his tastes. It appears you know him better than he thought you did.

“That’s about it, I think.” Your brows furrow in a way that is entirely too cute – especially for someone he’s watched eviscerate hoards of goblins – before you perk up with an excited gasp, “Oh! I almost forgot!”

Turning to look this way and that, you make a little sound of satisfaction when your gaze lands on your pack. Your shirt rides up a bit when you twist onto your knees to reach for it, and he stifles the urge to run his hand over the sliver skin it exposes. You rummage through a few pockets before finding what you’re looking for, returning to kneel in front of him with something hidden in your hand.

“Close your eyes.” You urge, and he does as you’ve asked.

“Ooh, saved the best for last, have you?” He grins, holding out his hands before you even ask.

You chuckle, sounding a little nervous, “Hopefully.”

He hears the tinkling of metal and nearly jumps when your hand makes contact with his, one cradling the backs of his while the other presses something small and rough into his palm.

“Open.” He can hear the smile in your voice as you say it.

On your command, he opens his eyes to find you’ve given him a necklace. The pendent is a little piece of a raw, orange crystal encircled by dainty gold rods that are bent to resemble branches.

“This is... beautiful.” He breathes, turning it over in his hand to admire the jagged edges, “What kind of crystal is it?”

“Sunstone.” He looks up at you then, finding a shy smile hung on your lips, “I know it’s a little on the nose but...,” You worry your bottom lip for a moment, clearly a little hesitant to continue, “I know you’re worried about... what’ll happen once the tadpoles are removed. So, I wanted to get you something just in case. It’s not the same thing, obviously, but I thought this way you can still figuratively have a little piece of the sun if,” Cutting yourself off, you glance away for a moment, “Well, if things don’t go the way we hope.”

He stares at you for a long moment, entirely unsure of what to say. He doesn’t think there’s anything he could say to convey just how much the gesture means to him.

Setting the necklace on his pillow, he draws you into his arms and weaves them tight around your waist. He pulls you to him so suddenly that your knees bump his shins, but you don’t seem to mind as you hook your arms around the back of his neck. His eyes burn as he murmurs against the side of your neck, “I love you.”

You card your fingers through his hair and he shudders, leaning further into you as you dot a few sweet kisses along the length of his shoulder.

“I love you too.” Your words are muddled as they’re mumbled into his skin, “More than you know.”

Maybe he didn’t before, but he thinks he has an idea now. You love him enough that you gave him his own little chunk of the sun. Even if things don’t pan out they way he hopes they will, he doesn’t think he’ll need the necklace – however pretty it may be.

He’s already got his bit of the sun wrapped up tight in his arms.

[astrologicaldreamin]

Solar Return Chart Observations v2

In honor of the new year, I am recapping and digesting meaningful Solar Return placements I have personally experienced that hopefully can reach out to those that are also under the same placement influence. If anyone would like any further discussion of these, please let me know, as I would be happy to have a conversation. The past few years have been life-changing.

SR Moon in the 6th House has made me incredibly determined, if not almost obsessive, about my mental health and wellness journey. While I am naturally health conscious, this brought out a period where I was deeply involved within shadow-work and breaking down the cyclical nature of my emotions. Holding boundaries was not just a must anymore, but a need. While it is important not to gain too obsessed with emotional perfection, I highly honored this time period because it truly shown me my vulnerability. This is the perfect opportunity to lean into any lessons highlighted around this period, but make sure to give time for rest and space. Otherwise, those lessons will not digestible enough to gain wisdom from. There were moments where I severely underestimated the potential work of vulnerability that also brought on periods of extreme enclosement to watch out for. My emotional well-being was also linked to my state of health, having negative expressions was more noticeable physically.

SR Neptune in the 7th House has brought on an incredible change within my relationships. It was terrifying, in a way, that I might become disillusioned and newfound connections would become implications of this instability in the beginning. However, my relationship with Neptune flourished in the highest form it ever has been in my life and I have never had such profound clarity before, but only when I worked upon clarifying myself first. This is not easy, but it can be very well-meaning. It gave me a light to understand further where I was genuinely allowing myself to be confused and disillusioned within my relationships. The facade of hidden and open enemies began to lack the same believably as they had prior. While there were moments where I did second-guess and faltered against my own intuition speaking, those mishaps told me where I didn't initially trust in myself and how to bring that internal relationship back in. (special mention: SR saturn in the 7th house, SR neptune in the 29°)

SR 9th House in the 29° brought huge transformative, endings when it came to my academic and spiritual goals. Ultimately, my whole foundational way of thinking reached a peak and ending upon this year. In addition, it forward the ending of several academic platforms I began taking in previous years. Travel, in general, was the initiator to majority of this enlightenment as well. In terms of this placement in the anaretic degree, don't be surprised if there comes to be fundamental spiritual lessons taking place, providing space to have a complete mindset shift of previous expectations. Most likely that would come in forms of people, places, and ideas that were ultimately "foreign" in nature to you. Rewards, endings, and graduations may also take place during that year.

SR 4th House Ruler in the 0° provided, another huge and foundational shift to my background and home environment. Core values I held previously, as well as perspectives, transformed in a direction I never even saw coming. While it wasn't the breakdown, it was a continuation of new beginnings picked up from previous years. There is a ton of neutrality in this placement, but most likely will grant in some form of a surprise to those core values of home, family, and comfort. Emphasizing less of a breakdown, but furthering a year of growth and rebirth.

SR Venus in Gemini brought in a ton of new and almost randomized connections, each a varying degree of importance. There was a huge emphasis on communication and leaning more into quantity rather than quality of people met. Not to say that some connections weren't strong, but it brought on a lot of networking that became more short-lived. There was a lot of playful, dynamic, and curious energy that also provided a basis for a glow-up in myself, as well as the way I communicate. Enjoy this placement, because while it may not inherently come outright with stability, there is a sense of prospering in every environment you walk into. Social butterfly energy that allowed for those deeper connections to come to light due to the experimentation.

SR 2nd House Ruler in the 10th House shifted more financial efforts into my public perception and long-term goals. Though this is more natural to me, there was a mass theme of "investment" spending to further ambitions I had. Finances were also more openly talked about in my public spheres, as well as my self-worth and material possessions. This does shine a more public eye on the energy of this house that could potentially be triggering to others. This may insinuate more spoken about or collaborative efforts within finances. In other areas, this could come as investing in building up your desired reputation and self-image. It can be an empowering placement to have for the year.

[maladaptivewritings]

Personal Jesus

Simon has a tattoo artist he favors, and in his boredom while home becomes a superhero for a single person

tw: general Simon Riley behavior, general C.O.D topics, stalking for the cause?

Y/N : They/them, female anatomy implications, tattoo artist, oblivious loser , slightly more emotionally intelligent, nickname of lamb by Simon

word count: 550

Pt.2

Every time he got back into that Manchester suburb, the bell on a simple tattoo shop rang. A deep breathe shared amongst the two as music hums in the thick air.

The needle buzzes against Simon's shoulder blade as you followed amongst the stencil. A new style you had convinced him to try and updated the dingy sleeve he had, cyber sigils now outlined nipping just at his collarbone. His gruff voice breaks the silence he had asked for when he entered.

"Man just blew up in'front of me," The breathes uneasy as the needled hummed with the lines. He knew he shouldn’t of said anything, but the young man who’s life disappeared in less than a moment was haunting his thoughts.

"That why you’re here and not hiding from the world?" You sighed, trying to understand what may going through this brick-wall- of-a-man's mind. You didn't know much about him besides that he may be military, what snacks he got from the shop, his favorite musicians etc 'maybe you knew a bit about him.' He was your favorite customer, let you free flow and practice against the tough skin he had built. Layers of muscle that tensed and relax underneath your touch, enticing you further. He also tipped well, and brought snacks despite the length. You worked on his shoulder blade as he rambled about this past deployment. A simple mistake of some stranger messing with him.

"Wouldn't've been older than twenty," His breathless nature made you second guess if you needed to stop. The fresh scars littering his broad back contorting with every hitch. Should this stranger know any of this, would the government 'Men in Black' you? The joke dashed across your mind.

"Just a boy, and he stepped on a land mine, not a soldier just a kid getting groceries." He finishes the thought, and it's wrenches your heart in the worst way. His realization of what he saw hitting him as you finish the stroke. sharing the mutual silence.

"You didn't know he would be there." Your attempt to help him cope and coax his desperate need for any sort of comfort. Simon turns towards you his obsidian like eyes burn like daggers, they are glossy but he doesn't cry. He just sits there in frustration.

"I should’ve, simple as that. Kid looked like he had no clue what was goin' on, like the idea that a fuckin terrorist was livin' next door was less likely than winning the lottery." He leaned back, arms flex as he supported himself against them. He had seen some of the worst bits of war, and this one kid was messing with him. His mousy blond hair tussled at his grown out buzz cut, a huff escapes his mouth as you return to tattooing him.

You just simply nodded for the next hour or so, as he ranted and raved as if reciting exactly what he knew what he could say. Pushing the limits, as he finally finished his whole moral dilemma , you finished your task.

You continued the conversion at the front desk, handing him a flyer for a group meeting. The two of you understood that despite your best efforts he would never go, but he would remember this act of kindness.

[alkelkha]

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐓. chapter four

relationship — jinx/powder x fem!blk coded reader

contents&warnings! : wc: 4.0k | post season 2 | lower-case indented | angst | heart to heart | just kiss already 🗣️ | non-sexual intimacy | fluff | mentions of them sharing the same bed | mentions of isha | these losers can't stay serious | yes reader has plot and yes i'm going through with it | not beta read | yes i am making this up along i go | author's note: i'm finally back after a month... don't come after me though! i'm literally in the middle of moving to a whole different state (not my choice).

❛❛ APOLOGIZE WITH FIREWORKS ❜❜

a careless toss of an envelope with this week’s paycheck slid off the desk. your eyes followed the movement. “you’re slacking, [name].” 

you’ve been slacking for the past two weeks. that’s how long it’s been since you and blue fought. you thought that she would come around and the two of you would hang out again like nothing happened, but of course, it didn’t. you were given straight radio silence, you even tried visiting her at her workshop and home. nothing.

she was your best friend and you hurt her to the point she’s shut herself in. was she even in there? was she ignoring you? did she run off? did she hate you now? did you just ruin everything? you couldn’t tell, it was like she locked herself in. this was killing you. 

every since she left it was like all the good things she brought with her did too. the endless laughter between the two of you, the satuation of the world. because of her you finally felt safe, your loan sharks finally stopped bothering you.

sometimes you think you see her (which you don’t). anything blue made you think of her, clouds too. you can’t bring yourself to eat the blue raspberry candy. 

the truth was that she was your good luck charm.

“do you want to lose this job?” big don’s voice rang in the office, snapping you back to reality. lose this job? this was the only job that could help pay off your debt that didn’t involve selling yourself, beating others half to death, and stealing. 

“i’ve been kind to you. i gave you this pussy job so you could pay me back with my own money.” he leans forward resting his clasped-together hands on the desk.

“but i see something,” the tall man raises from his seat. your breath got caught up in your throat and your heart quickened its pace. “…someone has made you sloppy. has taken your attention off of what is really important.” you knew what he meant and you couldn’t deny it. 

you have gotten sloppy with your work, clocking out a little bit early, and coming to work late more often— that was you when you and jinx started hanging out, but since jinx and you have gotten into that fight all of it got worse. “that new girl…” your eyes shot from the ground and straight to big don. the way he referred to her made your stomach turn. was he going to send his goons after her too.

“don’t—“ without thinking you stepped forward, you were about to walk up and slap him. good thing your mind caught up with you. yay, no bullet between your eyes!

“don’t what?” big don shot back at you, he stopped pacing and walked over to you. “run her out of flosnum? tie up the new girl in town? have some of my men give her a good beating? or maybe i’ll make you do that…” gulping at his implication you step back. you knew big don was sick, but surely not that sick?

right?

towering over you, two heads taller his dull dark eyes look down at you, his eyes make you feel so insignificant. you were nothing but a mere worker bee, “[insert sibling] may have escaped off to bilgewater. ixtal? ionia? who gives a fuck anymore. what matters is that one of you is here. one thing stands. your father’s debt.”

“get your act together or you’re on your own.” he then grips your hair, and with a harsh tug he pulls you closer to him. he smelt of cigarettes and mangos, “once you’re on your own i won’t care how and what you do to pay off the debt. sell your body for all i care.”

you left his office and went back to working at the bar. overtime. work for two weeks with no pay as punishment, which was mercy considering you've been waterboarded other times.

though you were starting to consider being waterboarded instead.

how long has it been? she can’t remember, there was no point in counting hours or days when she was in this state. 

her chipped painted nails scratched off her cuticles to the point they bleed. curled up in the middle of her room stuck in an unforgiving daze. a haze that consumed her mind and filled it with thoughts that pricked her brain as if they were needles.

she fucked up. again. and she doesn’t have the guts to try and fix it.

not that there was anything to fix, you were done with her. you hated her. you saw her as insane as soon as you saw her.

she was an idiot to show you that side of her. what made her think that this would be any different? danger or not, flosnum was not immune to her effect. 

her blue chopped hair now grown inches past her ears but not long enough to touch her shoulders, her bangs terribly long, and the purple dye worn out. the bonsai tree on her bedroom windowsill half dead. the irrigating bear under her bed where its voice is too far to catch. 

jinx. that’s who she was. she couldn’t fight it anymore. running from it has been deemed impossible even when she’s a sea away from piltover and zaun. 

metal and wood clanking against each other.

she could hear it, the small huffs, exhales, and sniffles. the light-weight pitter-patter danced around her.

isha.

jinx was greatness to isha. a haven. a symbol. someone worth protecting.

jinx could feel the vibrations from the floor bouncing back to her curled-up position. she had her knees to her chest and hid her face.

she couldn’t bring herself to look up. she was scared that if she looked up she would see her. if she did, she wouldn’t know what to do.

all those times she told off sevika that jinx was dead, isha was the one that kept the image of her alive. not a symbol of destruction— no longer just a loose cannon but a hero. 

powder was the one that died.

she thought that maybe if she could start over, it would all be from the beginning.

no jinx. just powder. the more she stayed on this tropical island she was reminded that she couldn’t be powder. 

to be honest, jinx liked isha’s version of jinx. the version that isha would play games, watch battles fight each other, fall asleep to her overly-dramatized exploits, graffiti on walls, and stargaze with. 

the careless dancing footsteps morphed into cautious ones and the steps were slightly heavier. 

step. step. step.

these footsteps didn’t seem as if they were sneaking up on prey, still, jinx refused to raise her head up from her knees, her eyes stayed shut. 

just ignore it.

she repeated those words, a mantra that got her through a handful of her episodes. unexpectantly, light fingertips grazed her shoulder, unsure if they could go further in the contact. 

hallucinations couldn’t touch her.

a low gentle voice “blue.” jinx felt all of her defenses fall. how pathetic that’s all it took.

you crouched down behind her. jinx’s back faced you, wearing only a pink tank top and wool shorts that showed off the blue clouds on the right side of her body.

the only reason you were able to get in was because you found a foolishly placed spare key sticking out from under a ceramic pot with a wilting flower.

you were tired of waiting.

“i’m sorry.” trying to shove down the heat rising to your face, you swallow. there was nothing more you hated than apologizing, which was ironic since you did it quite often. normally when you did it, it was out of fear or common courtesy.

sincerely apologizing on the other hand? the thought of you being the person in the wrong felt like a punch in the gut, but none of that mattered. 

the only thing you wanted right now was your friend back. “i’m so sorry. that day at the beach when i sighed it wasn’t towards you.” jinx was still. “that day was perfect and i ruined it. i made you feel that i didn’t enjoy it. i did! it’s just—“ you sucked in a breath before explaining.

“…i have a hard time living in the moment, i’m always thinking about my next shift. that i have my shift in this many hours, i’ll have to deal with rowdy customers in less than a day after, i have to pay off my debt.” she didn’t answer, it felt like you were talking to a brick wall.

“ever since you came into my life you have been what i look forward to.”

silence is all she gives you. not even a hum of acknowledgment. “blu—“ you couldn’t finish the nickname because of how shocked you were to see jinx finally turn her head towards you. you can only see her side profile due to the position the two of you are holding. 

the saturation of her vibrant red-violet eyes is now exhausted and dull. an alarm rang in your head. scrabbling from your knees you made it to in front of her to get the whole view of her. you needed to see all of her.

jinx’s closed-off position, her days-old makeup, unkempt hair, and lightweight. her head a bit more raised so she could look at you better as your eyes roamed around her body. 

her eyes.

her eyes were so doe and dull, the manic that she usually held in her eyes was nowhere to be found. this was the most vulnerable you’ve seen her yet there were still so many walls. 

she looked horrible.

you did this.

“[name]…”

her hoarse voice made your heart ache. gulping, pushing down the guilt. you slowly and carefully take her hands into yours. “let’s get you cleaned up, blue.”

the first thing you did was take off her makeup with a wet piece of cloth. you had no idea how long she had been like this, it looks like she had that same face of makeup for almost a week, probably more.

her cheeks were tear-stricken with dried-up mascara and eyeliner. her purple eyeshadow was worn out along with her smudged lipstick.

you washed her hair in the sink. she sat on a chair, her head leaned back as the faucet ran through her blue locks. your hands gently messaging her scalp, and then detangled everything with a brush.

the two of you didn’t talk at all. sitting on a stool your wrist moved in circular motions, washing her back.

she felt herself slowly come back to reality. the way you were being so careful with her as if she was worth being gentle to. were you doing all of this just to torment her?

surely you weren’t faking the affection in your touch? you wouldn’t do such a thing. you couldn’t. 

she felt her eyes burning up.

she felt the rough texture of the cloth exfoliating her skin, your hand carefully leading its way to her tattooed arm. your movements slow not wanting to have her pull away from your touch.

jinx lets out a ragged breath, louder than the scrubbing of her skin and water droplets. that was the first breath she let out since you came to her. your movement paused and went even slower. gentler. 

that’s when she bursts into tears. 

you froze up a bit hearing her choked sobs, “oh hon…” jinx’s shoulder shook as she leaned forward, away from you. her sobs only got louder and louder. saliva collected in her mouth and her face turned a pinkish hue.

putting aside the cloth you took her shoulders and pulled her back towards you, you wrapped your arms around her neck, and your head was right next to hers. “tell me what’s wrong.” you whispered in her ear, you didn’t bother hiding the tremor in your voice.

“please, talk to me. did i make you upset again?” you plead for her to talk to you.

“i’m sorry.” her sobs so broken that her voice cracks as she apologizes. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry.” she just shakes her head repeating herself over and over again.

“shh.” you say rocking the both of you side to side in an attempt to lull her sobs. “it’s okay, there’s nothing you need to apologize for. we both messed up.”

“i’m such a child, i ruined everything!” she hiccups, her sobs only worsened. she leans on you like a child seeking comfort.

“stop that. you ruined nothing, okay?” you tried to keep your voice firm.

“i made something out of nothing again and i pushed you away and now you hate me—”

you cut her off, “if i hated you would i be here right now?” 

“you will once i mess up again.”

sighing, you pinch her cheek. “it was a silly little fight, we got through it.”

jinx winces at the pinch but she doesn’t pull away instead, her cries lessen and her face scrunches up a bit. “what if we get into another fight?”

not letting go of her cheek you kept speaking, “we’ll get through it. even when i get irritated or mad with you, i’ll always come back to you.” she turns her head and you pull away to give her some space to move.

her eyes were bloodshot, her pink irises sparkled as if she was begging you to confirm your words. “you’re my best friend, things like this will always pass over, i promise.” 

jinx’s sobs were no more and what was left was her small sniffles as you got back to bathing her.

getting back together with you made jinx realize some things.

number one: you would never ever ever ever leave her no matter what! 

this meant she could do anything without you leaving her. like sleeping together in the same bed and kicking you off.

number two: the two of you were practically made for each other!

she has been clinging onto every second of the day and you welcomed it with open arms. (well other than the times she’s stalking you, but you don’t need to know that!) has she gotten more childish with you? maybe.

it was your day off so per usual you were with her, instead of rotting together at her workshop the two of you went out for ice cream and window shopped. the two of you walked side by side in the blazing heat, jinx’s arm hooked on yours. 

usually, she would complain and complain in this weather and end up with sunburns which you had to tend to. these days she wouldn’t, it was like she grew up with flosnum. she wore a mismatched bikini top and stockings, low rise shorts black and pink shorts, and black boots with pink laces. “new style?” you raised a brow.

“just matching the weather.” jinx licks the dripping cotton candy ice cream from her cone. the undercity wasn’t hot like flosnum. it was humid at best but mostly cold. hell, she felt the warmth of sun on her skin more on her first week here than she did her whole life in zaun.

going on your route you spot a jewelry vendor, something catches your eye. mindlessly pulling away from her to go check it out jinx furrows her brows, she follows behind you. your eyes were on the turtle trinket. the jewels on it sparkled like no other.

stupid.

jinx’s finger hooks on the loop of your bottoms and pulls you closer to her side. she bends over a bit to get a better look at the stupid trinket. “oh come on, toots, you don’t need this. you already have that ugly turtle pendant.”

you smack the back of her head and she whines. “my necklace is not stupid!” you defend the bronze hanging around your neck. “besides, i wasn’t going to buy it….” your eyes trail to the price tag, the sight causes you to frown. “way too expensive anyway.” you turn on your heels and walk away from the vendor. 

she watches you walk away and back to the turtle trinket. it was ugly. tacky too. you wouldn’t look good in it.

jinx shrugs and catches up with you, she loops her arm with yours licking her ice cream once again with a stolen trinket in her pocket.

number three: she missed chaos.

because of that, she’s going to blow up at tonight’s festival. she’s been working on it the day after you bathed her, tucked her into bed, and fell asleep in bed with her. which was six days ago.

don’t worry. don’t worry. she’s not going to kill anyone. she was done with that, instead, these bombs were going to make a teenie tiny little mess.

today’s festival was in honor of the day flosnum successfully defended itself against bilgewater, many lives were lost due to the battle. which was an incredible feat now that jinx thinks about it.

anyways, that doesn’t matter! what matters is that she wants to ruin it. 

it’s the most jinx thing she can do.

somehow the paradise was infinitely more vibrant under the dark sky. maybe it was the twinkling stars, the glowing plants, and the fairy lights. everyone gathered in the streets, adorned in tropical garlands. the two of you held a stick, the tip burned bright, sparkling. 

normally, jinx’s mind would be on how gorgeous your smile was, but today she was too excited to even think properly. she was too happy to fuck the celebration up. she had already planted the bombs. 

the air was filled with a sweet and fruity scent of exotic flowers. your sweet laughter echoed in her mind finally snapping her out of it. “what’s got you so happy, blue?” she asked, pointing out her dumb smile.

jinx dropped the stick, “follow me.” she grabbed onto you forcing you to do the same and follow behind her. 

there was so much of everything. people, noise, lights, smells. you canvas through the streets and she takes you onto her workshop’s rooftop. though her workshop was placed in a shady alleyway, the view she had up top was breathtaking.

her rooftop was decorated with random cut-up fabrics, unfinished projects (aka junk but she won’t let you call it that), and colorful lanterns. the stars painted the night sky, the jinx sat on the rooftop ledge. being the more cautious one you tried not to, but she forced you anyway.

“we’re best friends, right?” jinx slowly turns her head to you, your eyes are on the ground, watching the people below. 

“i sure hope so,” you snort. realizing that it wasn’t the right time to joke you backtracked, “of course we are, the best of friends.” you didn’t look back but that didn’t make your response any less sincere.

her red-violet eyes trace your side profile. you were pretty like this, with the colors of the lanterns illuminating off of you. the color blue graced your brown skin and the coils of your hair. it was almost as beautiful as when the sunlight would kiss your skin.

jinx wasn’t sure when it started. “it” being when she became so attentive to you. maybe, it was the day she first saw you behind the counter of her now workshop. maybe, it was the day she crashlanded and you saved her.

the topic of the day she crashlanded was never brought up between the two of you. jinx wasn’t sure if you were aware that she knew.

jinx should’ve forgotten about you that day, her vision was hazy and smoke filled her lungs— her mind shouldn’t even have registered the details of you. but she did.

the key detail she remembered?

it was that stupid bronze necklace.

the ugly piece of metal that is still hanging around your neck. it looks as if it was handmade. well maintained yet specks of chipped-off green paint on the turtle’s shell.

“good,” jinx smiles at your answer. her hand reaches into her pocket and your eyes follow, her fist closed around not letting you know what it is just yet. “because i wanted to give you something.”

your eyes finally lock with hers. “i’m not good with words. i’m not good with my actions either.” her vibrant eyes shift away from yours, but she forces herself to keep eye contact with yours. “i fuck shit up. always. as soon as something good comes in my life it’s taken away, by my hand or something else.”

jinx couldn't find the right words, she didn't even know where she was going with this. “i ruin everything,” she laughed bitterly, her eyes searched yours to see if you were annoyed by your senseless rambling, but you didn’t. you listened, waiting for the next words to come out of her mouth.

“i’m jinxed. it’s in my name.”

jinx looks down at her hand, her fist is holding onto the mystery item tightly. then her fingers hesitantly open up her fist, revealing what’s in the palm of your hand. you look down. this feeling in your stomach, it flips and flutters. “blue, is this—“

“jinx,” she didn’t let you get a sentence in. “that’s my name.”

jinx...so that was blue's name. oddly enough, it fit her perfectly. she didn't look like a sasha, cassie, hannah, or kate. for someone as cool as her she should have an equally cool name.

“that’s so cool!” your eyes twinkle, filled with excitement, completely ignorant to the significance of this moment.

when the words left your mouth jinx left hundreds of degrees hotter. a warmth blazed through her body. no one has ever had this type of reaction to her name.

“so, you’ve been cool you’re whole life, huh?” you scrunch up your face in mock jealousy. “cool hair. cool talents. cool personality. cool name. you’re just a package, aren’t you, jinx?”

why did she like her name coming from your lips so much?

trying to hide her flustered state she puts on a cocky front, “enough of how cool you think i am. are you going to take my gift or not?” she dangles the trinket in front of your face. “you stole it.” you blink at her unamused. still you took it from her hand. “says who? you think i can’t afford something like this?” she tilts her head, raising a brow. 

“then what’s this?” you point to the tag. 

she looks at it and grumbles. after pulling it off she then put on a faux innocent smile. “what’s what?” seeing how your unamused expression didn’t waver she sighed in defeat. “i just wanted to do something for you, you deserve tiny luxuries like this. maybe it could bring you some luck too. a lucky charm.”

her words managed to make you loosen up. your face softens. “thanks, hon, but i already have a lucky charm.”

jinx’s squints her eyes at you, “wait, you do?”

"i'm talking about you, jinx."

jinx, a lucky charm? how ironic. se had always been the cause of trouble, never the solution. when she did try to find one it only made everything worse. but here the two of you are. you hailed her as your lucky charm. a good omen.

she lets out a bark of laughter, she laughs with her full chest. all of this was too surreal it was making her head spin. 

POW POW POW

with distant bangs a cloud of red, then purple, then green, then blue. the town square exploded with a flurry of colorful dust. the dust danced in the sky and fell back down onto the cobbled ground as if it were snowfall.

oh right. jinx forgot about those.

the two of you whip your heads to the noise to see the mayhem going on. 

their faces being painted with the colorful dye. the locals dance and twirl along with the ongoing blasts of the bright vibrant powder into the air. children rushed trying to catch the falling powder, some even making angles on the ground.

your eyes snap wide with amazement at the view, “oh my gods!” no way in hell were you going to miss out on something like this. you carefully get off the rooftop ledge and pull jinx with you. 

“get your ass up, let’s join the fun!”

screams, panicked voices, and people trying to take cover, that’s what jinx expected. not the sound of flosnum residents’ laughter and cheers. her plans to cause chaos failed.

she really was a jinx.

TAGLIST: @millie2point0 @powderbomb-jinxed @velvetinkbym

[maxispixels]

HANDPICKED

PART FOUR.

Hobie Brown x GN!Reader

1.8k words

You work at a flower shop in late 70s London and Hobie's being a menace. Slowburn? Probably will be around 10 parts. Strangers to reluctant acquaintances to friends to something more. Maybe a lil' messy?

CW: One slightly suggestive joke

Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four. Part five. Part six. Part seven. Part eight. Part nine. Part ten. Part eleven. Part twelve.

The pages of your sketchbook had taken a darker turn. Besides a few buttercups here and there, you had stopped drawing flowers. No, now you had a new subject, far more fascinating, but also far more complex.

You just couldn’t get his face right, no matter how much you tried, his features never felt like him. His nose was too small, then too wide, his skin never the right shade, and you couldn’t remember if he was wearing lipstick or not. 

You were so frustrated, you threw your sketchbook across your tiny flat. The loud thump almost startled you, filling you with instant regret. You hoped you didn’t break it as you rushed to get it back.

Somewhat, the crumpled paper made it look just a bit more like him, the scrappy charm of wrinkled pages suiting his style. You felt like the drawing was mocking you for even caring.

You hated how you found yourself tinkering with your little radio, trying to find the station he put on at the shop, never quite managing to reach it. The static hissed and crackled, occasionally interrupted by snippets of cheerful pop songs or somber news reports. None of it sounded right, none of it was him. 

You didn’t even want to listen to punk at the moment. You just wanted to understand him. Figure him out. His whole attitude. How he seemed to care about so many things people didn’t care about, how he didn’t care about what people did care about. 

That was totally what this whole thing was about. Definitely, mh hm. Just trying to understand.

After all, he had that air, like he knew something more. Like he figured out something you didn’t, and you wanted to know what that was. Maybe if you had listened to him talk instead of memorizing his face… All of that to not even be able to make a proper portrait. What a shame.

The weather kept getting colder as the days passed, and the heating in your home still wasn’t on. You were doing free extra hours at the shop just to enjoy the warmth. There was not a speck of dust left there—not even on the old radio. 

Even Rose scolded you about spending too much time there. You told her about the boy, how he brought the buttercups. You were a little sad they were going to wilt, so Rose taught you how to press them in your sketchbook. She didn’t miss the numerous drawings of a certain someone, and she looked at you disapprovingly.

“What?” You muttered.

“Nothing.” She sighed. “Youth.” 

You felt the underlying implications. “He just has an interesting face!” You defended.

“Whatever you say.”

You didn’t insist.

Days passed and the temperature only dropped further. It was still autumn, but it certainly felt like winter. The rain was constant and loud and cold. It seeped through your clothes and reached your bones, making your teeth clatter whenever you were outside. 

At least, the rides in the bus felt relaxing. You didn’t even mind having to snuggle with other people. They felt warm and soft, with big fuzzy jackets. 

You wouldn’t mind rubbing shoulders with a spike in the bus, but Spikey Thing only showed up when he felt like it.

You’d given him funny nicknames in your head. That’s what he got for playing mysterious. Loser. 

You looked at the door at every jiggle of the bell, hoping to catch a glimpse of his tall wicks, or studded belt, or leather jacket, or red combat boots. It was honestly shameful how disappointed you felt when anyone else entered the shop. 

That didn’t happen often, which left you alone with your thoughts too much. The heavy rain deterred most people from trying to buy flowers, and you had to put inside the pots in the storefront. The wind and rain would have broken the plants. 

You were dripping and you were cold, and tired, and frustrated. 

When the rain stopped for a moment, you went back outside to wipe the front window a little. You didn’t want the grim from the rain to linger on the glass, it was a pain to remove when it was all dry.

“S shapes work much bette’, y’know?”

You almost had a heart-attack. You didn’t hear him coming at all, and he startled you so bad, you almost dropped your cloth. You met his gaze through the reflection in the window. Play it cool, you told yourself, turning to face him properly. “Oh, and what would you know about window washing now?” 

“I was a window washer at some point.”

You snorted. “Wait, you’re actually serious?”

“Wot? Don’t believe me?” He challenged, grabbing the supplies right from your hand and doing the window in record time. And he didn’t need  your little stool to reach the top of the window. And it was really well done too, not a trace left.

“Okay, you win.” You sighed, impressed and defeated at the same time. You smiled as you imagined him just cleaning windows as a job. It made him a tiny bit more ordinary, normal.

“I always do.” He gave you back the supplies, entering the shop before you. “It's bloody freezin’.” Seemed like he also liked the heating in the shop. You followed him quickly. 

Only when you both were inside did you notice how grim he looked, with eyebags deeper than the last time—you’d know, you were lost in his eyes for an embarrassingly long amount of time, and darker spots across the edge of his jaw. The sight somewhat tugged at your heartstring, but you refrained from asking. 

He walked around like he owned the place, leaving behind mud stains. His arms swung lazily along each of his steps. You didn’t even scold him, a bit too happy with him showing up. 

“Missed me?” He asked as he sat down on your stool, behind the counter.

“Forgot you ever existed. Spent the most peaceful week of my life.” You blatantly lied.

“Pft, careful what you say, I got the till in front o’ me.” He teased, gesturing dramatically. “Fuck, you don’t even have a lock on that thing! That’s askin’ for it.” 

You chuckled. “Whenever the amount is over 500£, Rose takes it with her to keep the count.”

“Rose?”

“The owner. My boss.”

“No way. Rose sells roses.”

“Yes way. The shop’s called Rose’s roses for a reason. She made that joke before you.”

A comfortable silence fell after that. He stayed perched behind the counter, watching, while you shuffled the pots from the storefront, trying to find space for them in the crowded shop. You untied ribbons, swapping colors and fluffing petals, pretending you didn’t feel his gaze burning into your back.

“You’re overthinking the display.” His voice pulled you out of your concentration. “Just chuck a load of flowers in a bucket and call it modern art.”

“You’re not helping.” You sighed.

“Good — I’m helping you embrace chaos. It’s liberating.”

“I’m already liberated, thanks.”

“Liberated? You’re folding ribbon into little bows. That’s basically bondage.”

You glared at him. “Why do you even care? You’re not even buying anything.”

“No, but I’m stealin’ some fantastic entertainment.”

You pinched a smile off your lips before going back to fold said ribbon. You heard him fiddle with some stuff behind the counter, but didn't pay him any more attention for the moment. He didn’t bother you either as you took on the rest of your tasks. 

A customer entered, an older gentleman that already visited a couple of times. He often bought flowers for his wife—which you thought was quite adorable. 

“Good afternoon, Mr Anderson!” You greeted cheerfully. He smiled down at you, and you stood up. “How can I help you today?”

“Good afternoon. I am looking for a bouquet for my wife. It’s her birthday, and I wanted something special.”

“Of course. Do you have anything in mind? A theme, certain flowers, colors?”

“For once I was actually counting on your recommendations. I just want something original.”

You hummed, thinking. You usually suggest roses, everybody loved roses, but it was far from original. “Maybe some lilies with lavender…?”

“I got her lavender a couple of weeks ago…”

“Oh right.” You mumbled. Spikey thing from the back suddenly spoke up.  “If you want to give ‘er somethin’ special, maybe get ‘er somethin’ other than flowers.”

Anderson turned, startled, as if only now noticing the man slouched in the corner. His eyes darted to the ripped leather jacket, the spikes, the mud streaked boots, then back to you, wordlessly asking if he was supposed to be part of the staff. 

You turned as well and glared at him. If your eyes could shoot bullets, he’d no longer be living. It had an effect as he coughed and cleared his throat. “I mean, succulents are also an option, and uhh, their blue tint will marry, erm, beautifully with blue flowers over there. Yep. Succulents. Very, erm, modern, strikin’ even.”

You were about to scold him again, but his suggestion made you pause. That was actually a good idea. You turned to Anderson, whose eyes held a mix of confusion and disapproval at this stranger’s involvement. 

You grabbed some chrysanthemums, with a light blueish color, as well as some succulents, a couple of white flowers and other leaves to create a harmonious bouquet. You hated that he had a point. Succulents did work beautifully with chrysanthemums, damn him. He had no business being this obnoxious and occasionally clever.

Anderson looked at you incredulously. “You know what?… That works. I guess. Thank you?” He blinked, almost confused at how this random suggestion gave such a pretty arrangement. 

“You’re welcome.” The punk grinned, satisfied. 

You sighed, as you unceremoniously pushed the boy out of the way to the till to take care of Mr Anderson.

“Blimey, that much?” He exclaimed from behind you and and you shot a glare at him again. “Wildflowers are free and much more personal.” He added. 

Anderson just shook his head, now more amused than anything else. “Funny friend you got yourself.” You gave him a sheepish smile as you handed him his change.

“And I hope you have a marvellous day, good sir.” The deep voice echoed behind you and you swore he did a little bowing gesture. You rolled your eyes at your ‘funny friend’ dramatics. When Anderson finally left the shop, you turned to him.

“What?” He raised an eyebrow.

“What the hell was that?”

“Me being a genius. I should probably take your place, you suck at your job. I can wash the window better and I’m a better salesman too.”

You huffed and pushed him out of your way, trying to act more annoyed than you really were. It didn’t work too well as you couldn’t help a chuckle from escaping.

Part five.

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Pleaseeeee write a dreads era kirk fic where he fingers you because he's having a hard time staying hard due to all the substances he was using at the time🙏🙏

Warnigns: Angst, Drug abuse but no active drug use, cheating, toxic relationship, smut, erectile disfunction, fingering (f receiving), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

"Are you kidding me?" You demanded, having gone through all the work of looking pretty, dressing up, shaving, making everything perfect for when Kirk got back. "I mean- are you fucking kidding me, Kirk?!" You demanded, smacking his chest while he just sat there, stroking his cock faster, waiting for some kind of reaction.

"It-it's not- I'm sorry- stop hitting me!" He grabbed your wrists, holding them tight. He didn't look up at you, you were wearing a new teddy and it looked good, also he didn't need to be this close to your disappointment. "It's not my fault, alright?"

You stared at him. "It's not?" You asked, voice rough. "So it's mine?" His eyes shot open at the implication of his words, how you'd taken them. His mouth opened and closed a few times, searching for the right thing to say. He'd managed to keep his drug addiction hidden from you for so long, he wouldn't stop while he was home but he took significantly less, just enough to dull the edge. On tour was another story, in that he had Lars doing shit with him, groupies lining up.

You knew about none of it and he would rather die than let you know.

"I'm tired." He finally said, wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your chest. You let out a heavy sigh but you couldn't argue with that, he just came back from tour, it was reasonable to be tired. He looked up at you with a soft look in his eyes, asking for forgiveness. "I can still help you get off." He offered.

Unable to stay mad at him you cupped his face and kissed his forehead. "I can live with that." He smiled and turned you around so you were sitting between his legs with your back against his chest.

He started kissing on your neck, the piercing under his lip cold along your sensitive skin. He smelled like booze, smoke, and sweat. A deadly combination when he looked like that and did such things to you.

You spread your legs for him, giving him better access to your cunt. His long fingers pulled the thin, mesh layer of fabric out of the way and ran his finger through your wet folds, gathering your juices. You'd been waiting so patiently for him this whole time, riding his pillow with a pair of his boxers pushed to your nose, eyes rolling.

Having him here with you was every bit better. Kirk was terrible to you, he really was, he chose everything over you, booze, drugs, his friends, groupies. Everything was more important, but how could you bring yourself to care when he was so perfect sometimes? Those few moments, like now, with his calloused digits dancing over your flesh and curling just right inside of you.

He pumped his fingers in and out of you nice and slow, letting you feel every time his knuckles slipped in or out. Your back arched against his chest, soft moans leaving you.

He brought his other hand to your clit, rubbing it in circles with two of his fingers. Your hips bucked up into his hand, he let out a soft chuckle, nipping at your neck a little more aggressively now, leaving marks. "That's it, feels good to have someone who knows you, right?" He purred, voice so perfect and soft right in your ear, lips caressing the shell of it.

You nodded, reaching down to hold that hand that was pumping in and out of you, just touching him. "Feels-feels so good, Kirk." You mumbled, chest heaving as your head fell back onto his shoulder.

"Always so quiet." He said with a soft chuckle. "No one would know if I had you on the tour bus." He said it because groupies were often loud and everywhere, screaming for Kirk to fuck them harder and he was always high enough to do it all night. You heard it and got a very different idea.

"I-I could come on tour with you?" You asked, eyes shining as you looked back to Kirk.

He but down on your neck, making you whine. "Focus on cumming, doll." He mumbled, leaving a few more bites leading to your shoulder. His hand moved faster, lewd noises coming from his palm hitting your slick skin. He pulled the other away from your clit, the palm of his hand hitting it for him.

It was harsh and stung, but it felt so good, his scent clogging any cognitive function you had as your release quickly crept up on you and your body flooded with pleasure, heat shaking through you and coming out all mushy.

You melted into him with a few moans, eyes fluttering shut. You always fell asleep fast after cumming, you weren't asleep yet but Kirk knew you'd be out soon, especially since he wasn't going another round. He laid you down and kissed your forehead, muttering something about needing the bathroom before he slipped away, snatching the little baggy from his pants pocket.

[genericpuff]

Wait, if Hera hated nymphs, does that mean she had beef with Poseidon's wife???

Who knows, but it does shed a whole new light on this scene from Episode 1:

Like, in the context of the scene, it's clear the point of this interaction is to highlight how "lonely" Hades is that he's the only one at the party without a date. Though I do think it's funny that Hades is frustrated / shocked at the revelation that Poseidon brought his wife to a party that she would presumably be invited to attend, like... of course Poseidon is here with his wife, that makes Amphitrite royalty by extension and so at the very least she'd likely be obligated to attend even if she, for some reason, didn't want to go.

So Hades being like "GOD you mean I'm the ONLY UNMARRIED GUY without a DATE???" like yeah man that's what it means to not be married LOL

But in hindsight, knowing what we know now about Hera being cruel to satyrs and nymphs who are canonically lower class (making it a double whammy of racism AND classism) that interaction of Hades asking Hera if Poseidon brought Amphitrite right after Hera called Minthe "nymph trash" almost feels like Hades calling her out, to which she responds sheepishly, "... Yes."

Again, I know that's not the intention of this scene, but it does come with deeper implications now that the series is over and we know that Hera has a history of racism and classism which largely goes unaddressed.

And those implications kind of read like this:

Hera: "I, for one, am grateful! I don't have to spend the evening with that nymph trash :)"

Hades: "Did Poseidon bring his (oceanid) wife?"

Hera: "(・_・;)... yes, okay, Poseidon brought his wife, Amphritite, but she's not nymph trash or anything, she's one of the good ones!"

Again though, just food for thought that's kinda messed up and kinda funny to think about on re-reads. There's so much classism and racism baked into LO even from the very beginning and it's wild that it wound up going unnoticed for years. Even I didn't really notice it as much as I ought to have when I first started reading. To anyone who's new to the series, LO does a good job at bombarding you with colors, characters, Greek myth references, and feel good fluff moments between H x P to distract you from the often biased and outdated viewpoints in its narrative.

TBH, none of that is to say that Rachel herself is some massive racist for writing a story like this, but I do think she didn't really spend enough time analyzing the works that clearly inspired her and/or challenging her own inspirations to ensure she wasn't continuing the cycle of casual racism. It's really easy to be blissfully aware of your own biases if you never learn to address them, especially when it comes to writing fantasy stories which we tend to "disconnect" from real life, never once realizing that the messages and undertones we might accidentally be sending are often still realities for many people in real life today. Fiction isn't real life, sure, but it can still perpetuate some really dog shit thought patterns and subconscious beliefs if left unchecked, which LO is frankly full of especially upon re-reads with a more critical eye when you're not as likely to get distracted or swept away by the pretty colors and whirlwind romance.