#and the way he cares for his friends and especially max? a better man has never lived

[hellinhawkins]

did you guys know that i love lucas sinclair very much

[vroomvro0mferrari]

CL16 | Awkward Advances

Summary: You are best friends with Alex Albon. When you go to the bar with him and his driver friends, you decide to shoot your shot. But with the amount of drinks consumed, it doesn't go as smoothly as planned.

Charles Leclerc x female!Reader

WC: 2.1K

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, maybe talking yourself down?

Masterlist

You have met Alex's friends many times. Every time he invited you to a race, he made sure you had someone to talk to when he was busy. Of course, most times his girlfriend Lily, who had also turned into your best friend, was there to keep you entertained, but when she wasn't, he set up some other people to take care of you. You had met many people that way: his engineer, his PR manager, and many other team members. But he also introduced you to several drivers: Nicholas Latifi, Nyck de Vries, Logan Sargeant, George Russel, Lando Norris, and even Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc. You had conversations with all of them, and they were all great people to talk with, but Charles Leclerc was different.

Like many other girls, you thought he was really, really handsome, and so sweet as well. And you got along great, better than with any other of Alex's friends. It's safe to say you had at least a little crush on him. Who are you kidding, it's a pretty big crush, and it's been going on for quite a while. But you'd never actually made a move on him. Why would you? He would never like you back. It wouldn't make any sense, Charles Leclerc is famous and rich, surprisingly sweet, talented, intelligent, a great conversationalist and insanely attractive. What else could you wish for in a man? He has his pick of the litter, nearly any girl would love to be with him, so why would he choose the silly friend of one of his colleagues?

So, you never tried to make a move or flirt with him. Because you knew it wouldn't lead to anything, but also because you're a terrible flirt. You never know when's the right time to flirt, what to say, and you're always either too subtle or not subtle enough. It's a difficult balance that you've never managed to find.

Tonight, you are once again going out with Alex and his friends, including Charles. The night's been great, you've been dancing for hours, and you and Lily have made numerous new friends. Right now, you're sitting at the bar to get another drink, while Lily is joining Alex in the booth your group is occupying. As the night carries on, and the drinks keep coming, you are definitely moving from tipsy to drunk. When you finally receive your drink, you decide to join the rest of the group at the booth. Sitting next to Alex, leaning on him, you look around the group. Everyone had dressed up, ready for a great night out and enjoying the time spent with friends. And Charles, he looked so good. In the black button-up he was wearing, more buttons undone than done, and his messy hair. Your drunk mind could barely handle it and found it very, very difficult to focus your eyes elsewhere, and Alex wouldn't be him if he hadn't noticed your staring.

"You've been staring at him for a while now," he whispered, or at least it sounded like a whisper.

"Hm? What are you talking about?" You slowly turned your head back to the boy next to you.

"You're more obvious than you think. He'll notice soon."

You blushed as you realised Alex knew about your crush on his friend. You shouldn't be surprised though, Alex knows you through and through. He would have found out eventually.

"What are you talking about?" A drunk Lily asks you, bending around Alex to look at you properly.

Alex responds for you, "Y/N's crush."

Lily gasps. "You have a crush? Who is it?" She yells loudly.

Your eyes quickly dart over the group, ensuring they didn't overhear that just now. "Shh, not the whole world has to know." You look over the group again, before you move closer, "It's Charles." You're blushing again.

"You should go flirt with him!"

"Are you crazy? I can't flirt, especially when I'm drunk."

"Nothing like a little liquid courage to help you flirt. I'm sure you'll be fine!" Lily turns to Alex, "Come, let's get another drink!" and pulls him up, winking at you.

Fuck, should you do it? What does it matter anyway? If it ends badly, you can just blame it on the alcohol, right?

Just then, seeing you're left alone, Charles moves to sit next to you.

You turn to him.

"Hey, how are you doing?" You ask him.

"I'm good. Having fun." He smiles at you. To him, it's obvious you're drunk. He decided not to drink tonight and was completely sober, different from most of the group.

God, he looks so good. You are going to do this, no time like the present, right? "That's good. You look handsome tonight, clean up well," you say, moving your hand to touch his upper arm and looking into his eyes. You can feel your heart beating in your chest, but no matter how nervous you are, and how nervous he makes you, you're not backing down now.

"Uhm, thank you," he responds chuckling a bit. He did not expect that from you. He thought you were sweet and had noticed that you were always slightly flustered around him, and he also knew you were not very upfront and direct. He suspected you had a crush on him, but maybe you were just very shy, and behaved like this around everyone. Nevertheless, he had never expected you to say something like this - to flirt(?) with him like this, so straightforward. He's surprised, to say the least, and maybe feels a bit awkward at the situation too, because what is he supposed to do? But you don't notice, and continue.

"I mean, you always look good, but especially tonight." You smile with fake confidence.

He looks away from you, chuckling again, adjusting his body to subtly push you to the edge of the booth. Fuck, that hint is so clear it's hard to miss, even when you're drunk. Your smile falters as you realise he wants you to leave – to leave him alone. Your false, alcohol-induced confidence falls, realising you made a mistake doing this now. He obviously isn't into you. You knew this, yet you tried. You never should've.

"You're pretty drunk, no? Let me find Alex, hm? He can take you back?"

You nod softly, disappointed at his rejection. He now fully pushes you out of the booth, but sets you back as he stands up.

"I'm gonna find him, okay? You stay here."

You just nod, and sit still waiting for him to come back. God, you're so embarrassed. Why did you have to do this again? You knew this would happen, that he'd reject you. You feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You've never felt this embarrassed. You try and blink them away as you see Charles return with Alex and Lily.

"Let's get you home, yeah?" Alex says when he's back at the booth.

You feel like a toddler when he pulls you up and helps you walk out of the club to the taxi. This couldn't have ended worse.

In the cab, he asks you, "So it didn't work out?"

You shake your head and lean on his shoulder, Lily doing the same on the other side, as she speaks "I'm sorry, it'll be okay"

– – – – –

The headache in the morning was the worst. And the realisation of what you had done last night settling in certainly wasn't helping. Lily and Alex took you back to their room last night, and let you crash on the couch they had in their very luxury room.

They were already walking around and getting ready for breakfast when you first opened your eyes. You were moving around, trying to find a more comfortable spot on the very uncomfortable couch when Lily spotted you.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," she says way too excitedly for the time of the day. Actually, you don't even know what time it is, but you assume it's too early after a night out.

"How are you so cheerful right now? If I remember correctly you were just as drunk as me last night, if not more," you say grumpily, sitting up.

"Lots and lots of water, and aspirin." Lily smiles at you, grabbing you a glass of water and aspirin as well.

"So, you want to fill in the gaps on what happened with Charles last night? Before he came to get me?" Alex asked.

You groan, "I don't even want to think about it. It was so bad. I knew he would reject me, but I still tried anyway. It's so stupid. I'm so stupid for thinking it would work out."

"You're not stupid for trying. What did you say to him?" Lily continued, handing the water to you.

"I told him that he looked good and then he laughed at me, told me I was drunk and left to get you." You take a sip of water and take the pill. "I shouldn't have expected any differently. He never showed any signs that he was into me."

"What are you talking about? He's always staring at you when you're near," Lily says, confused.

"He's not. And even if he is, it doesn't matter because he rejected me last night." You sigh.

"I'm sorry, babe. I'm sure you'll find someone else who likes you just as much as you like them." She smiles sympathetically. "We're going down for breakfast now, you wanna join us?"

"Yeah, you go. I'll come down in a bit. I want to take a shower first."

You go to your room to take a shower as soon as Lily and Alex leave to go to the breakfast hall, where they meet the rest of the group.

"Hey, guys. How's [Y/N] doing? She was pretty drunk last night, no? Is she very hungover?" Charles asks as soon as Lily and Alex sit across from him.

"Nothing aspirin can't fix." Alex smiled.

"She was acting pretty weird last night, told me I looked handsome and stuff. I've never seen her acting like that."

"Yeah, that's why she never flirts. She sucks at it, and people always think she's acting weird," Alex says laughing.

Charles looks surprised. "That was flirting? She was flirting with me?"

"Yes, Charles. I thought you knew she liked you?"

Charles shrugged. "I didn't know for sure, but I suspected it, yes." He looked somewhat confused at the revelation.

"Look, maybe you should talk to her. She's really embarrassed about last night and would hate for things to get weird because you rejected her. Just to make sure everything's good between you two, you know?" Alex explained.

"I didn't reject her? I just—" Charles is interrupted.

"Hey, [Y/N]! How are you doing?" Lando asked her as you walked to the table.

"Hey, I'm fine. Just a bit hungover," you responded, a fake smile on your lips.

"I'm not surprised," he said laughing, "I've never seen you so drunk."

Your face flushed as you laughed awkwardly, taking place on the only available chair, next to Charles, of course.

You glare at Alex, knowing he did this on purpose. He shrugged his shoulders with a sneaky smile as he sipped his water. Naturally, he had to make sure the only open chair was the one next to Charles.

"You're not hungry?" Charles asked you, moving his face closer to your ear as the group moved on to the next topic.

"No, I don't think I can keep anything down right now," you responded with a small smile. "By the way, I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything."

"Oh, you didn't make me uncomfortable. I just thought you were very drunk, and it would be better for you to go back to the hotel."

You smiled tightly, looking away to avoid any eye contact.

"I didn't mean to reject you if that's what it seemed like."

You kept staring at the table, but you could feel your face becoming hotter as you picked at your nails to keep yourself occupied.

"I didn't think you were serious. You really are a bad flirter." Charles chuckled again.

You're face was surely as red as a tomato right now.

"If you come to dinner with me sometime, I'll show you how it's done."

Could your face get any redder? You don't think so. You look up at Alex sitting across from you. He looked away, pretending not to overhear the one-sided conversation Charles was having with you.

You nodded your head. "Okay," you said softly.

Charles put his arm on the back of your chair, "Great!" He said with a cheeky smile.

[bymarara]

I want to talk about lovers lake and more specifically about one moment.

We all know very well that the lake of lovers is closely related to the Bylers, more about this is There are plenty of other blogs on Tumblr like this.

Let's just refresh our memory that in this lake of lovers, they found the fake body of Will Byers, in this lake, under the pressure of Troy, Mike Wheeler almost died because of jumping off the cliff, if it wasn't for El, he would have died.

Let's think back to season 4 now. When Max “died”, the gate to Lovers Lake opened very, very wide, as if the silhouette of Lovers Lake's heart had split apart, heart broken. What happened before Max's “death”. A declaration of love from Mike to Al.

Let us try to put everything in detail. Before the love confession scene, there was a conversation between Mike and Will about the painting and I'm a proponent that Mike realized what Will was saying about himself, even though he was afraid that it was his stupid fantasy. He had hope that it was mutual. I also stick to the fact that if Argyle had not interrupted them, Mike would have talked to El about the breakup and the reasons for it, it would have been easier for him to support the girl and be honest with her, but Argyle interrupted the moment for two people like El and Mike, the intimacy of the moment and further already, it was necessary to act and save Mike.

The moment when he confesses his love is very tense. Mike cares for El, we see him worrying as much as anyone, but when he doesn't know what to say to make her feel better, Will comes to the rescue. He says “Mike, you're the heart, you're the heart.”, this is where Wheeler probably hesitated in his sentences, he thought that everything Will said was true about El, you can see the disappointment on his face, the worried look on his face. Mike realizes that he'll have to hide his real feelings and other things again.

In the declaration of love, we are also shown just one moment as a flashback, we are shown just the moment of finding El, at that moment and in that interval, he treated her like a friend, like a sister. Just to compare the exact same scenes with Max, she has flashbacks with Lucas in a romantic context, with friends, where she was happy and basically her most important moments in life and where she was herself, the real her. In that moment, their meeting, they were both being themselves and not using each other for protection and “normalcy”(El is just as possibly using Mike, but I'll write about that later), they were being themselves.

During the declaration of love, Mike's face is not that of a man who says it from the bottom of his heart, and it doesn't make El feel any better, it's like she hears the lies in his words and the sadness.

Look at his heartbreak right before Will pushed him to tell El that he loves her.

It's not just fear in his eyes. He looks devastated, like all his hopes have been dashed. I'd say this is especially noticeable when you consider that he had hope after Will gave him the painting.

Mike's declaration of love and the simultaneous breaking of his own heart. This is another way in which they are symbolically connected to the lake, and where their relationship is just as, connected to Max's safety.The heart-shaped lake has literally split in two, as the “gate” is right there. Now it's a broken heart.

Also, I want to remind you that in the show Mike is constantly associated with a heart, that drawing with his name and hearts next to it, that Will's drawing of Mike's shield has a heart on it, he's everywhere as a heart.

I was thinking that maybe at this point Will's heart and hopes were broken, but I think Will's hopes and heart, were broken back in the van, back in the van he became broken, afterwards he was literally depressed and looked at Mike with such devastation, he realized that his feelings were not reciprocated (in his opinion).

[oh-stars]

Surrender

Love is letting someone take care of you.

a @steddielovemonth prompt | 1,607 words | CW: injury | Rating: G

---

Steve has tried really hard these last five years to be more than what others expect of him. At first, it was just about being a better person and not the dickhead kid he used to be. That was easy enough, to choose kindness over the cruel words and inaction, but he didn’t realize there would be so much involved in being a better person overall, like beyond not kicking people when they’re down or holding open the door for a stranger, fundamentally changing the way he thinks to be a better friend and man. 

He’s not stupid, no matter what his dad always says. He knows there are cultural differences between guys and girls, but he also knows a lot of that is bullshit and misogynary (or whatever the word Robin is always saying) – that it comes from hating women and people who are different.

Steve’s thought a lot about manliness over the last few years. He doesn’t have a sister and other than Carol, who was always ‘one of the guys’ in Steve’s eyes, he really doesn’t have much experience hanging out with girls he’s not actively trying to date. Now he gets a ton of one-on-one time with women without the haze of attraction or ulterior motives. He’s seen the guys Max and Eleven giggle over in their magazines and none of them are the action stars they’re supposed to be drooling over – it’s all the cute guys with soft looks and kind eyes. 

He gets it now. Especially when he wakes up in the morning and looks down to find the hottest guy of them all curled up on his chest. Eddie’s not the epitome of masculinity, nor is Steve, but that doesn’t make them any less of a man. Their sexualities, interests, the way they share their emotions – none of that makes them more or less of a man. 

After years and years of relearning what being a man means to him, you would think Steve wouldn’t fall into the same stereotypes of his fellow men. And yet… 

He adjusts his grip on the crutches. It’s been hell trying to get inside, taking ages so he doesn’t fall again and break his other leg. Should he have called someone? Yes. Should he let Eddie know he needs a hand? Absolutely. Will he be admitting defeat? Never. He doesn’t even really understand why, if he’s honest. It’s not like Hopper’s going to come speeding down, sirens blazing, and demand Steve hand over his Man Card because he asked for help. 

Steve manages to make it to the door, out of breath and sweating under his coat and layers. He leans against the doorframe as he digs for his keys. It takes way too much effort, but eventually, he’s able to get inside. Steve drops his bag, then walks carefully to the couch, cringing with each swing-step he takes as his snowy boot tracks water all along the rug. 

“Steve?” 

Fuck. He knew Eddie would be home, he saw his van in the driveway after all, but Steve still hoped he’d be out or that one of the guys swung by and picked him up. It’s not like he could hide this from him, but it would be nice to have a bit more time to figure out his story. Because Eddie finding out means Steve has to admit he was wrong in the first place. 

“Yeah,” he calls back as he tugs off his lone boot, his other one is still on the floorboard of his car, and sets the crutches down beside him. He lifts his broken leg up, the action stiff with how awkward and new the cast feels and quickly covers it with a blanket. It’ll buy him some time. 

“I was wondering where you went,” Eddie says as he slides into the living room on his socks. He’s already in his sleepwear: one of Steve’s old shirts, Steve’s favorite sweatpants that are too big for him, and Steve’s gym socks. It hits him that he won’t be able to wear Eddie’s sweats, the ones he’s stretched out and are so thin they may as well be threads held together by dreams, until he gets this cast off. Well shit. 

Eddie pauses for just a moment before he’s walking over and sitting on the ottoman in front of Steve. “You’re wearing your coat still,” he says.” 

Steve shrugs and hugs his chest. “I’m cold.” 

“Why don’t you go shower and warm up?” Eddie asks, face neutral but his eyes tell a different story. He’s suspicious. How is he already catching on? Steve’s like the king of stealth. 

“I don’t feel like washing my hair right now,” he says instead. “I just want to lay here for a bit.” 

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “It’s Thursday,” Eddie says, “it’s your hair washing day according to your meticulous hair schedule. And you don’t want to wash it?” 

Steve can only shrug again. “Maybe later?” 

“Right, right,” Eddie says. He leans forward and kisses him all sweetly. Eddie brushes a hand through Steve’s hair and it nearly brings him to tears, if he’s honest. His body is sore, there’s probably a bruise the size of Alaska on his back and ass, and his leg is starting to hurt more now that his meds are wearing off. It’s been a harrowing few hours of trying to get to the hospital, being seen and dealing with the horrors of doctors and nurses touching him (he can’t even begin to think about how he’ll react to getting the cast removed, the saw too much like the one the Russian wanted to use–), and now that it’s all over and Eddie’s being sweet… Steve just wants to give up the charade.

“Baby,” Eddie says softly, “talk to me.” 

Steve looks up, blinking away the tears and leans into Eddie’s touch. “I fell,” he mumbles, cheeks hot. It’s so humiliating. He’s a grown man. So he fell? Big deal. But he fell doing a thing that Eddie told him he should probably wait to take care of until someone else could spot the ladder, that Steve made a bigger deal about doing it solo because he’s Steve. 

“On the ice?” 

He shakes his head and drops his eyes back down to Eddie’s. He watches in real time as Eddie realizes what Steve means, as confusion morphs into shock then concern. “Stevie,” he whispers, “how bad is your leg?” 

Steve pauses. “How did you know it was my leg?” 

Eddie pointedly looks at the crutches leaning against the arm of the couch. Oh. 

He sighs. “It's a clean break,” he says. “But I broke my tibula.” 

“Your tibia or your fibula?” Eddie asks, no judgment in his words. 

“Honestly, couldn’t tell you. Paperwork is in my bag though.” 

Eddie laughs softly and leans forward to kiss Steve’s cheek. “I’ll look later. How are you feeling?” 

“Everything hurts,” he says with only the hint of a whine. It’s like he’s accidentally given his body permission to feel everything. Steve reaches for the blanket, tugging it off his leg to show his foot and knee wrapped in a cast. “I have to wear it for two months.” 

“Shit, Stevie,” Eddie says, moving to squeeze himself onto the edge of the sofa. He leans over Steve, boxing him in. “You know, you’ve got to be more careful,” he says as he takes Steve’s face in his hands, “if you want to grow old together like you’re always talking about, then you’ve got to actually get there. And that starts with taking care of yourself.” 

Steve sighs. “I can take care of myself–” 

“But let me help,” Eddie says, leaning forward again to kiss Steve’s forehead. “Not because you need it, but because I want to. Why make things harder on yourself just to prove a point?” 

He doesn’t have much to say to that. 

Eddie pushes himself up and stands. “I know you wanted to make a roast for dinner, but want to get take out and smoke some? May help with the aches?” 

Steve nods and scoots forward so he can wrestle his way out of his coat. “You can’t baby me the whole time I’m in this cast, by the way.” 

“Oh, I could,” Eddie says, “but I do actually want to stay together by the time you get it off, so I’ll let you do some things by yourself.” He takes Steve’s jacket and grabs a few pillows to prop up Steve’s leg. “Will you let me take care of you tonight, though?” 

He feels so helpless and embarrassed to need the help, but with the way Eddie’s looking at him, Steve can’t tell him no. “Please?” 

Eddie beams as he basically skips to the coat closet. 

All Steve can do is watch as Eddie flits around the house: getting the good cuddling blankets and the pillows off their bed, grabbing his lunchbox, bringing Steve a pop to drink, all while he orders food from their favorite takeout place, phone sandwiched against his ear. 

He hates how nice it feels to be taken care of, especially over something as silly as a broken leg from a dumb mistake. Who takes down Christmas lights by themselves after a frost? Knowing their ladder is finicky at best on a good day? He was asking to fall off the roof! He should be glad he didn’t break more than his leg! 

But it’s a little easier to let it happen than it had been when they first started dating. He’s not perfect, he can be too proud sometimes, but he’s working on it. 

---

Thank you @lady-lostmind for betaing this fic!

Ao3 Link

[bwoahtastic]

Toto as the king's advisor in minotaur max is so intriguing. He's the only one who's kind to Nico after the king rips him away from his family. He shows Nico around the palace and explains his duties, he even tells Nico how to gain the king's favor because he knows the king is volatile and doesn't want Nico to be hurt. The morning after the king sleeps with Nico for the first time Toto brings him potions to soothe his injuries and restore his strength, and he lets Nico cry without judgement. When the curse hits Nico during the wedding and he faints Toto is the one to carry him to the infirmary. Toto works hard to work out the symbol that has appeared on Nico's belly, he knows it is a curse of some kind but he doesn't know what, and is always kind to Nico. Really he's the only person in the palace Nico considers a friend.

Nico knows Lewis' style and magic well enough to recognise that he was the one who cursed Nico, and though he's devastated that his love would have done this, believing Nico betrayed him, he cannot bear to put Lewis in danger and reveal to the king that it was him. When max is born everyone else is horrified, especially the king, but Nico can do nothing but love his baby. And max is such a sweet baby who loves his momma so much. From the day he is born he is gentle and sweet, and as long as his momma is nearby he will never complain.

The king intends to kill max but Toto, who is trying to save him and find a way out for him and Nico, suggests building the labyrinth and having max as the monster inside. He doesn't mean it, he just wants to buy time, but Nico is horrified and feels so betrayed. When Nico escapes, Toto comes across them and Nico is sure that he's going to trap them and take max away from him, but instead Toto helps them, and even gives Nico some supplies to help him along the way. Afterwards, when the king realises that Nico is missing, Toto creates a fake trail for the guards to follow that leads them away from Nico

Oh plsss!!

Toto working as advisor to the king, he loathes the man but it's the only way to try and mellow the way he rules the kingdom. He tries to discourage the King from bringing Nico in to marry him but the king won't be convinced. Toto tries to be nice to Nico, shows him around the palace and judt tries to be a friendly face for the poor thing.

Toto rushing to Nico's chambers after hearing the king didn't wait for the wedding night to bed nico, finding Nico curled up and crying and he tries his best to soothe him until Nico is calm enough for Toto to explain the potions and creams he brought (and some sweet treats too). And when Nico faints after getting hit by the curse, Toto is quick to sweet in and take the queen to the infirmary, not trusting anyone else to be careful. He tries to work out the symbol but can't figure it out, also realising that Nico isn't telling him something but he doesn't push too much.

Toto being there when Max is born because Nico is so scared and begs him to stay, doesn't have anyone else he trusts not to tear his child away from him the moment it's born. Toto being shocked seeing the minotaur infant but tries not to show it, smiles and soothes Nico and tells him what a sweet baby boy it is! And Max really is a sweet boy, such a calm baby who just wants to be held and loves his momma!

The king is ofcourse furious and intends to kill the baby, but Toto manages to convince him to build the maze instead and raise Max to be the monster in there. Nico is so betrayed hearing that because he thought Toto was the one person who didn't think msx was disgusting, and won't listen to toto trying to explain...

Nico escaping in the middle of the night but running into Toto. He is so convinced Toto will stop him, will call the guards, but Toto quietly takes off his better, heavier cloak, wraps it around the pair, and places a pouch of coins in the pocket to help them before telling them he is sorry and that they should run as far as possible!

Toto misleading the king and the guards as much as possible, before fleeing himself a few months later when people are starting to become suspicious of him.

Maybe Toto finds nico and Max quite quickly after that, but doesn't approach them immediately. He is pretty certain Nico won't want to see him again and he tells himself he will go after making sure they are okay, staying in a village nearby and walking to the tower daily to watch them from in the forest, so relieved they are okay and safe with Lewis!

Max finds him sneaking about one day and while he was too young when they fled to really remember Toto, he remembers the weapon embroidered on the cloak Toto stole and tells Nico there is a nice man from the castle!

Lewis and Nico going jnto the forest ready to kill if needed but Nico stops Lewis when realising it's Toto! Toto apologising and telling Nico he will leave, but Nico just clings to him tight. He has long since realised how Toto tried to help them and he is so grateful!

[steddieas-shegoes]

another one for the requests ^^

a steve and johnathan friendship please. will and el seeing steve as their older brother along with johnathan, hopper and joyce treating steve as their own, and johnathan and steve just overall having a good friendship. (pre-relationship steddie with eddie getting jealous of johnathan because steve just recently came out to the Party as bi, and jancy broke up weeks before it, and none of the others - except robin ofc - know why steve is spending a lot of time at the hopper-byers' house)

I AM TEAM STEVE AND JONATHAN BEING FRIENDS!!! They both did shitty things, and just as real humans do, they figured it out and made themselves better. I'm also team Eddie is incredibly jealous of any other man who gets Steve's attention. This request was unexpected and fun and I liked being able to explore Jonathan a bit more. Thank you!!! - Mickala ❤️

-------------------------------------------------

If you asked Steve where he thought he’d be a year ago, his answer wouldn’t have been this.

Sitting on the Byers’ couch, running his hands through Jonathan’s hair while he cried.

Steve has practically been living at the Byers home for a month, Joyce insisting he join them for dinner so often it just got easier to come over after work every day and spend the night when he had a few too many beers with Hopper.

Will had quickly become his second favorite kid, only behind Dustin, tied with Max.

He was shy, but Steve loved the way he lit up when he talked about things he cared about. He was so excited to show Steve his new campaign ideas when he came over, and even though Steve only understood about 10% of what came out of his mouth, he couldn’t help smiling at him the entire time.

But his friendship with Jonathan was most surprising of all.

Even Robin was getting jealous.

But it was different with Jonathan.

Especially when he broke up with Nancy.

It wasn’t ugly, there was no big argument, and there truly were no hard feelings between them.

But Jonathan was hurting and Steve was there.

And no one knew the post-breakup with Nancy Wheeler hurt quite like Steve.

But that was weeks ago, and Steve kind of expected things to be going better than they were.

“It’s not even that I’m upset she’s going! I’m glad she’s going. That’s why I broke up with her. I’m just also sad that it has to be like this,” Jonathan sniffled against Steve’s lap.

Nancy left for Yale today. It wasn’t her first choice, but it was the best option for her major out of the offers she got. Everyone had gotten together to see her off, even Jonathan, and it looked like he’d held off the breakdown as long as he could.

“Hey, it’s understandable to be upset. You loved each other and it’s hard to see that final goodbye. Up until now she was still hanging out with all of us so it didn’t feel real, now it does.”

Jonathan sighed and closed his eyes.

Steve smiled down at him.

“You’ve got time to figure out what you’re lookin’ for, man. It’ll get easier to be without her.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Steve was startled when the door opened, Will excitedly talking with Eddie, who’d been driving him back after Hellfire for two weeks now.

“Hey Will, hey Eddie,” Steve said with a small wave, one hand still occupied with playing with Jonathan’s hair.

“Hey Steve!” Will exclaimed.

Will kept talking to Eddie, but Steve noticed he wasn’t paying attention.

He was glaring at Jonathan.

Steve looked down to see if Jonathan was glaring at him, or for any explanation of what was happening.

But Jonathan’s eyes had closed again, his face not quite smiling, but more relaxed than it had been for most of the evening.

When Steve looked back up at Eddie, he was looking at the floor, brows furrowed and a frown on his face.

“Uh, Will, I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you on Saturday, though?”

Will looked dejected, and Steve hated it.

“Oh. Okay. See you Saturday,” he said, walking out of the living room to get to his room.

Steve saw red.

“What the hell is your problem?” Steve asked Eddie.

“What?” Eddie had the audacity to look shocked at being called out for his suddenly shitty behavior towards Will.

“Will was talking to you and you just blew him off.”

Jonathan sat up now, his eyes burning a hole through Eddie.

Jonathan and Eddie got along fine, they weren’t close friends or anything, but they seemed to get along when they all hung out in a group. But Jonathan was incredibly protective of Will, way more than Steve even, and if Eddie was being rude to him, Jonathan would make sure he knew he wasn’t going to let it happen.

He was a chill guy until you messed with Will or El.

Then again, so was Steve.

“Uh. I.”

Jonathan stood up and walked over to Eddie. He didn’t look angry yet, not like he had the potential to be, but he didn’t look pleased.

“Get your shit under control, man. It’s not what you think. Will doesn’t deserve you acting like that because you’re jealous.”

Which made no fucking sense to Steve, but he decided to let Jonathan handle it.

Eddie’s wide eyes watched as Jonathan left the room, probably to check on Will.

Steve stared at him from the couch, not sure what to say.

“Um. I’ll go. Sorry,” Eddie said awkwardly, which is something Steve wasn’t used to.

Eddie was never awkward, always bigger than his body in ways Steve didn’t think possible. Unapologetically loud, fun, a spitfire.

So seeing him like this made him hesitant to believe he meant any actual harm towards Will.

“Hey,” Steve stopped him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, man. Um. Just tell Will I’ll call tomorrow.”

And then he was gone.

Steve knew better than to follow; Whatever was going on with Eddie would be fine by tomorrow.

Will, however, may be truly hurt and upset.

Steve walked down the hall quietly, not wanting to interrupt Jonathan and Will if they were in the middle of something.

He heard their voices speaking so softly. That should have been a sign to turn around.

But then he heard his name.

“He didn’t mean anything by it, Will. He had a jealous moment because of Steve and took it out on you. I’m sure he’s sorry.”

“Why was he jealous of Steve?”

Jonathan sighed.

“You know how Steve just came out a couple weeks ago?”

“Yeah.”

Steve was about to fall through the wall just to hear where this was going.

“Well, Eddie’s had a massive crush on him for damn near a year now. And he got his hopes up that Steve might feel the same when he came out, which is fine. It’s a natural reaction, you know that. But he also knows that I broke up with Nancy and spend a lot of time with Steve and you saw how he was comforting me when you got home. To you, it looks like just brothers helping each other, but to him, it probably looked a little different.”

“What, like you two are together? Gross.”

Jonathan laughed.

“Yeah, I know. But I can see how he would think that. And you and I both know it hurts when someone we love doesn’t return our feelings.”

Steve’s head was spinning.

Eddie having a crush on him felt like something Jonathan was making up just to make Will feel better.

Just when he was turning around to go back to the couch and figure out what the hell he was feeling, El came out of her room.

She froze when she saw him.

She looked towards Will’s bedroom door, then back at Steve.

He silently begged her not to say anything, and luckily, even without reading his mind, she seemed to know what he was asking.

She nodded and walked along to the kitchen, where Joyce was finishing up dinner for all of them.

“So, do you think Steve likes Eddie? Or is Eddie gonna have to feel terrible forever?”

“Will, you’re not gonna feel terrible forever.” Steve couldn’t hear if Will said anything, but the silence only lasted a moment. “But I think maybe Steve does and just doesn’t realize it. Or maybe he does and just doesn’t think Eddie feels the same. Don’t know how since he literally makes heart eyes at him every chance he gets.”

They both laughed and Steve felt unbalanced, like the next breath might knock him over.

If they were right, if Eddie had feelings for him, then he could see why he was so upset finding Jonathan’s head in his lap earlier.

“Boys! Dinner!” Joyce yelled from the kitchen.

Steve jumped and quickly walked to the kitchen so Jonathan and Will wouldn’t know he eavesdropped on their conversation.

He was quiet through dinner, which wasn’t too unusual. He answered questions when he was asked, asked El about her next girl’s night with Max, asked Will about his campaign.

But Jonathan kept looking at him like he knew.

He got out of there as soon as he was done helping with clean up, saying he was tired and needed some rest before his opening shift tomorrow.

El and Will gave him a hug, Joyce kissed his cheek, and Jonathan followed him out.

That wasn’t what he wanted.

Jonathan stopped him at the front door, hand on his arm.

“Steve. Will’s okay. Don’t be too hard on Eddie, okay?”

Steve just nodded, then gave Jonathan a quick hug before leaving.

He drove home in silence, only his thoughts keeping him company.

—---------------

He talked to Robin because of course he did. She would know what to do.

“Dingus, this feels pretty black and white to me. You have confirmation he likes you. You just spent 20 minutes telling me how amazing he is, which means you like him. He isn’t gonna make a move if he thinks you’re with Jonathan, and he’s valid for thinking that, by the way. You two are freakishly close. You have to do something.”

Steve knew she was right, but he hated when she was right, and he didn’t want her to be right.

“But what if Jonathan is wrong? Maybe he just thinks that’s why he was upset.”

Robin stared blankly at him.

“Steve. Ask Eddie out or I am gonna jump off the cliff at the quarry. God, I cannot with you two.”

Which led Steve to believe Eddie had been talking to Robin about him and caused him to spiral again.

But Robin ignored him and said she wouldn’t talk to him about anything except work until he grew a pair and talked to Eddie.

—--------------------

He was standing outside of the Byers house, here for dinner again, but Eddie’s van was parked outside, which was weird.

It’s not that he wasn’t welcome, Joyce always invited anyone who needed to eat.

It’s just that Hellfire was supposed to be right now, at Eddie’s house, which was not here.

But he was here.

Jonathan opened the door, trash bag in hand, and smiled when he saw Steve standing there.

“Oh, you’re here! Everything okay?”

Steve nodded.

“You sure?” Jonathan started to look concerned. “If you need to skip, I’m sure Mom will understand. She knows you’re working a lot.”

“No, I’m good. Uh, need me to take that out?”

“No, I got it. You go inside, say hi to everyone.”

Steve had no choice but to do what he said.

Something felt off.

And when he walked into the living room to see El and Will sitting on the floor with Eddie, everything felt off.

“Steve!” El yelled, jumping up and running over to give him a hug.

Will followed behind, not quite as enthusiastic, but smiling all the same.

Eddie waved from the floor, small smile on his face.

Steve hated whatever was happening, not because Eddie was here, but because Eddie was never like this around him. He was usually easygoing and tactile, not quiet and awkward.

“Is that Steve?” Joyce called as she walked into the living room. “Hi, honey! Can I have your help with something for just a second?”

“Of course.”

He followed her back into the kitchen, ignoring the way his stomach was in knots at the idea of having a family dinner with Eddie here.

“So, Eddie’s having a rough day, and we invited him for dinner. His favorite is lasagna, so that’s in the oven. Will told me his favorite dessert was brownies, but the texture just isn’t right on these. I’m worried they won’t cook right. Can you take a look?”

Steve wasn’t exactly a baker, but he dabbled in it. His specialty was homemade brownies.

He tried not to let his mind linger on why Eddie was having a rough day, and followed Joyce to where the brownie mix sat in a bowl, which was a very pale brown color.

He knew without even tasting it what was wrong, but he didn’t want to make Joyce feel bad, so he stirred it a bit and then dipped his finger in the batter.

“Ah. Needs cocoa powder,” he said with a smile.

“Of course! I can’t believe I forgot that. Could you get that taken care of?”

And then she was gone.

So, Steve handled it.

He found her cocoa powder, added it in, then took another taste.

This was his recipe. He’d given it to her a while ago, but she’d joked that she couldn’t possibly do his brownies such a disservice.

Whatever was going on with Eddie must be bad.

Then Eddie walked in the kitchen. Alone.

Just as Steve was licking his finger to make sure it didn’t need any more sugar or salt.

They stared at each other for a moment, both their eyes wide in surprise.

“Brownies? What’s the occasion?” Eddie finally asked.

“Uh. Joyce said they’re your favorite?”

“They are. But why does that matter?”

“Uh. She said you were having a bad day.”

Eddie’s face was red.

“Oh. Um. I just had a doctor’s appointment is all.”

Steve’s heart stopped.

“Is everything okay? Are you hurt? Are you sick? Did they find something wrong?”

Steve was closer to him, his hands hovering over his body like he could sense if something was off.

“I’m okay,” Eddie smirked. “Just had to do a lot of tests and I’m sore now. Nothing wrong, though.”

“Good. That’s good,” Steve supplied, his hands dropping to his sides uselessly.

“Yeah. Good.”

Whatever was happening here sucked. Steve hated being like this with Eddie.

He thought about what Robin said, about what Jonathan had told Will.

“You wanna go out with me sometime?”

Steve was an idiot. Truly. Just spitting it out like that, no warning, not even sure if Eddie actually did like him.

“What?”

Eddie looked like he was five seconds from passing out.

“Like on a date?” Then Steve stopped. Eddie would have said yes if he really liked him, right? He wouldn’t have hesitated. “Yeah, I mean, it’s cool though, if not. We don’t have to. Just an idea. I mean Jonathan said-”

“What did Jonathan say?”

“He said you liked me, and he’s just trying to be a good friend and help me out, maybe he was just making sure I didn’t feel bad for liking you so much, I dunno-”

Eddie’s lips were on his.

Eddie’s lips were on his.

Holy shit.

“You’re not with Jonathan?” Eddie asked without pulling away completely.

Steve shook his head.

“You don’t like Jonathan?”

Steve shook his head again.

“You like me?”

Steve nodded.

“Then yeah, let’s go on a date.”

Steve suddenly heard cheering from just outside the kitchen.

He pulled away from Eddie and turned to see Joyce and Jonathan standing behind a clapping El and Will.

“You guys are the worst,” Steve said, running a hand over his face.

“Are we? You never would’ve made a move on your own dude,” Jonathan said, giving him a high five before swiping his finger through the brownie batter.

“I was gonna!”

“When you were 50 maybe!”

Everyone was laughing when Hopper walked in the front door.

“What’s so funny?” His gruff voice thundered through the living room and kitchen.

“Eddie thought Steve and I were a couple,” Jonathan said. “Fixed it, though. Now they’re together.”

Hopper looked between all of them, shook his head, then started heading to his bedroom to change.

“I don’t know why I ask,” his voice could be heard as he walked away.

“So, where are you taking me on our first date, Stevie?”

“How about we let Jonathan pick since he wants to meddle so bad?”

Jonathan laughed.

“This was all mom’s idea. She was tired of the pining.”

“You should go get milkshakes!” El said.

“And then go to the drive-in!” Will added.

“Not a bad idea, actually,” Steve said, turning to Eddie. “Sound okay to you?”

“Yeah, but first, bake these brownies. Your brownie recipe is my favorite.”

“You’re my favorite,” Steve replied.

Everyone groaned.

“Oh, now it’s gonna be worse,” Jonathan joked, shoving Steve’s shoulder playfully.

“So much worse,” Eddie added with a smile.

[stevie-petey]

Can i ask why you don't agree with those theories? I am really curious especially since you said you like byler. What are your theories about those three?

in my humble opinion mike does love el he is the sole reason she never saw their friends in s3 like mans was hogging her and spent an entire year mourning her death - to say he doesnt love her diminishes mikes loyalty as a character and makes him seem really icky and fake. hes the heart of the group for a reason !

ive always been confused by the narrative that mike is staying with el out of pity because 1. that makes els character look pathetic (and i hate that so much shes such a strong character) and 2. we literally see mike lowkey bullying max in s2 lmao like if mans doesnt like someone he lets them know. he doesnt care.

mikes character gets misconstrued so much (nancys too) because, in the nicest way possible, people cant read context clues. their parents are in a loveless marriage. their mom almost cheats on their dad with a teenager because shes so miserable. that isnt normal ! they never see their parents interact, mike has no respect for his dad, only his mom. the wheelers are heavily emotionally repressed because of their parents own miserable lives. its classic childhood trauma and it makes sense for nancy and mike to be so bad at communicating their feelings and love for other people. theyve never seen it done before !!! theyre trying !!! when el and will move, mike has to basically adjust to this huge change right after finally getting el into his life and telling her he loves her. that was hard for him to do. he spends all of s3 agonizing over it. and when he does finally express this, el leaves. so mans is rightfully a bit off kilter after. we cant just forget that.

i love the idea of byler and again wouldve rocked so hard with them had it happened or been built up sooner/better. mikes confusion over his feelings (to me) doesnt read as "do i choose el or will" it reads as "my best friend since first grade who has told me everything and has fought monsters with me and who i have saved countless times is hiding something from me and pulling away and i dont understand what i did wrong" (and this, mind you, is els own conflict in s4 with mike because hes suddenly pulling away and she doesnt know what she did wrong)

i think, quite honestly, theyre using wills character and sexuality to build mileven up (which is super icky). wills dilemma with mike in s4 parallels mikes dilemma with el because its supposed to serve as mikes epiphany of "oh this is why el is mad at me. it sucks when someone i care about wont communicate with me" hence why they have the entire van scene. that was my biggest ick of s4 where will is confessing his feelings to mike purely so that mike can realize why el is mad at him like i was so pissed off for a solid month afterwards ugh

and besides narratives and all that symbolic jazz, the leaks alone (from reliable sources who didnt pay money for a fake byler script) have all pointed to mileven. not even in a cocky haha ur ship lost way !! but it also just makes sense to end with mileven at this point. there is no possible way to fit mikes realization that he loves will, then his guilt to break up with el, then the breakup, then the build up to confessing to will, then confessing, and then maybe a mutual devotion (if we're even lucky) or the ugly cliche "ha gay lovers suffer no happy ending" ALL while still juggling the rest of s5 in a realistic and timely manner. it just isnt possible. and if they for some reason did decide to do this, i will be extremely upset because it wouldnt be done well at. all. it would either make will look like a hopeless devoted suffering character/homewrecker, mike an arrogant asshole/cheater, and el as either a homewrecker/pathetic character who cant be loved. it would be such a huge disservice to all of the characters.

i mean, with peace and love, this fandom cant even tell the difference between nancy dumping steve vs cheating and emotional abuse. so i really do not have the will to watch a love triangle unfold with senstive topics such as sexuality and trauma involving a vulnerable female character who already gets so much fucking misogynistic hate.

long story short: i would only support byler endgame if they somehow manage to uplift all the characters involved but considering the duffers track record - it isnt happening

[steviewashere]

The Sound of Silence

Rating: General CW: Internalized Ableism, Quick Mention of the 'R' Word (It's Not Written, Quite Literally as 'R' Word)Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Season 4, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Selectively Mute Steve Harrington, Negative Self Talk, Miscommunication, Mean Eddie Munson (For a Split Second It's Part of the Miscommunication and the Plot), Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Neurodivergent Steve Harrington (Implied), Pre-Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Eddie Munson Calls Steve Harrington Sweetheart

I should say before this that a lot of Steve's thinking here, a lot of the metaphors and such used, are from personal experience. They are things I think about myself when I'm mute. So be civil and kind about this piece.

💛—————💛

Steve Harrington is a man of few words on most days. He does talk, he loves talking sometimes, has so many things to share. But on a lot of occasions, Steve can’t muster the strength to say hello. Can only make sounds, hums and gasps and subtle clicks. And often times, he hides away when he gets to that point. He’s been like this for as long as he can remember. Though, the first time it happened, he’s not sure what really caused it. Just that something was too much, or he was too little and then it all began. There had been therapists and specialists and urgent care doctors. A lot of conversations between him and his parents that often ended in him being yelled at. Something about him too far left of ‘normal’. And he knew, when the bad stuff came, that part of him may just be this way.

Now, years later, he can put some recognition to what silences him. Sometimes it’s the lack of comfortable sleep the night before. Or it’s the social energy completely drained out of him. Or it’s a particular jab that somebody makes. The raised voice that pushes him over the edge. A nightmare so harsh it rips him of not only the ability to mutter whole sentences, but also the ability to crawl out of bed.

He’s only clarified this with a select handful of people. The people in his life that were closest to him or that would understand. Robin was the second. Words written on a steno pad in the middle of the night, three days in a row where he hadn’t been sleeping properly, nightmares of a cold bunker and rough hands. Notes passed in quiet lulls, pencil scratches the only sound. She only looked at him with a sort of empathy he’s never been privy to. Her eyebrows scrunched in concentration as she focused solely on conversation in written text. He didn’t have to beg with her, which he thanked whatever god gave him her presence in the first place. Then, it was Nancy before their breakup. She could just tell. Her notes accommodated him. Space he took up was always welcoming. And her voice carried softly to his ears, gossip and pet names and gentle praise. Even if she broke his heart some time later, he would always remember her better than alcohol stained and too tipsy to make sense. Max was most recent. She, surprisingly, didn’t tease him for it. Didn’t make him feel bad. More sad than anything. Her voice was raspy in her hospital bed, “I’ll be your voice, Steve. You can be my eyes.” He could see the white, nearly iridescent glaze that permanently altered the blue color underneath. There were no words exchanged after that, but he placed his hand in hers and squeezed.

The others either didn’t notice or were too intimidating to tell. It’s not that they’re scary. But they can be harsh about certain things. And he just wasn’t ready. His voice, the absence of his words, have always been a soft, insecure, and vulnerable part to him. Laying out his cards face up on the table was too much.

But he probably should’ve considered Eddie to be one of those people that he can trust. Especially since Steve lets him move in, take up space in a spare bedroom, rummage through his cupboards. Maybe because they’re roommates. Maybe because they’re friends. Maybe because Steve wants more.

———— It was a bad night. An even worse day.

The images flashed under his eyelids every time he blinked. Blood and loose skin and wet muscles. Echoing screeches of those creatures that ruined his nearly blank torso. That sadness rippling from Dustin. His wobbling lip, wet eyes, the snotty nose, and strained yells for help. Steve’s stomach turns with every subtle movement of his body. Every single time he stretches, the scars moving with him. 

In retrospect, he shouldn’t have gone to work. Not when he woke up, throat scratchy and the seizing of his chest overwhelmingly intense with every sobbing gasp. Or when he realized, the energy somewhere else, that mustering words was the heaviest burden to bear. He shouldn’t have gone to work, where he gets yelled at for not communicating. For not counting out the change. For not selling the new movies. Where he’s called things he’s heard since he was a little boy, ‘Dumb’ and ‘Stupid’ and the infamous ‘R’ word.

He’s out of it by the time he’s able to sit down in the driver’s seat of the car. Part of him wants to bang the softest parts of his palms on the harsh, stiff leather of the steering wheel. Another piece of him wants to lean down into those same hands, pressed into the sockets of his eyes hard enough to speckle his sight with black spots, and cry until there’s nothing else to do but go home. There’s the encroaching need to scream, to hum behind his lips, wiggle his arms until they’re too tired to move, too heavy to lift, a worse burden than speaking. But he knows that it’s too open to break down in Family Video’s parking lot. So his drive home is ninety percent heaving breaths and squeezing the steering wheel to remind him he’s nearly back to his bed; his safety away from the world, somewhere where he can recharge, power through this, get back on track.

Though, he’s drained when he goes home. Exhausted. Beaten down to just a bag of meat and blood and bones. The Beemer is parked in the driveway. And he jiggles his keys in the door. And slips his shoes off, hangs up his jacket, places his wallet in the little dish in the foyer. Each step of shedding his work skin like tiptoeing on a bed of nails. Barely even makes it two steps before he’s bombarded by Eddie’s constant, erratic, and chaotic nature.

“Hey, Stevie!” he crows. “I made dinner while you were on your way back. It’s on the stovetop, covered it in foil so that it retains the heat. Oh, and I did the laundry, cleaned up our bathrooms a little bit. Made progress with the physical therapist on my bad leg and I—“

Steve sighs heavily through his nose, blinks sluggishly, and places his palm out to stop Eddie. He tries to say anything, something. But all he does is open his mouth, squeak in the back of his throat, promptly close back up, and sag. Shakes his head, sidesteps, and clambers to his bedroom.

Undressing himself like wrestling with bears. Climbing under his covers as if his comforter is a taut iron sheet. He can already sense it, the shift from charismatic Steve Harrington to odd Steve Harrington. Can’t even suppress the aching, sizzling pang that shoots through. Naked skin to his cold bedsheets. Blanket heavy. The darkness of his bedroom will coddle and consume him, he’s sure. 

Tomorrow is another day to try again. And maybe he’ll finally be able to explain himself.

But of course it’s not that simple. Of course his eyes are crusted over and burning like he spent the entire night crying. His whole body aches. And, unsurprisingly, there’s no way to conjure words from deep in his chest. Just whistled little breaths. Coming short and strained from his nose. He stays in bed for the rest of the day. Blearily, he wonders how Eddie’s doing. If the dinner from last night made it to the fridge. Wonders if the phone has rung at all, because he should be going to work.

He tries it. Tries speaking to the lonely, cold, inky blackness of his room. As if seeking for a light. The sounds strain and garble. Like his emotions are honey and he’s gargling. Choking on it. It hurts. He wonders if speaking should be like death, like a demobat tail wrapped around his tender skin, squeezing with razor blade spikes, tugging on him as stiff and thick ropes. Wonders if Eddie can hear him struggling.

Wonders if Eddie can sense him as a shadow in his own darkness, half of a man, barely a person. Thinks that there’s a million ways to explain himself, the words on paper as he did with Robin, or if Eddie will pick him up like dead star fragments and piece him back together as Nancy did, if he’ll just have to wait this out and whisper it in the fragile, sterile, fluorescent light of his childhood home—it’s a hospital in a way, maybe Eddie can perform the role of Max. Steve would offer his legs to take over for Eddie’s bad one, if he’ll be the boisterous noise that should be croaking from him any moment.

Futile, however much he wants it to work. Steve curls himself tighter in his blanket and goes back to sleep. 

Tomorrow will be another day. And he’ll be a full person again, tomorrow.

Some day, surely, he thinks on day three.

And the same on day four.

And when he can smell his skin like molded vegetables in the drawer of his fridge, only then does he stand on doe like legs, awkwardly ambling to the shower. He is twenty years old, mute as the day he was born—breathless and making noise if only to mark his presence; he thinks of himself as the stain on his bedspread, that is his presence, he’s sure. Twenty years old, moving like the toddler his mother was worried about. Crawling backwards. Unable to lift his head on his own for too long. He wonders a lot in the silence of his own existence. It doesn’t end now, in the shower with steam clearing his nasal passages. Ponders, Will I always be this way?

Surely.

The dirt swirls in invisible tornadoes down the drain. Those are his words. Still gone. Through the pipes and out to the sewer. He stands on the plush rug protecting the warm soles of his feet from the cold tile. An overly used towel, threadbare and rough, wrapped around his waist. He slips into pajamas easily enough. Hair sopping and wilted into his eyes.

Tentative creaks down the stairs. Shuffling if only to take up space. Frozen to his spot in the kitchen doorway. There, in the kitchen, shrouded in amber light with a warm mug of what appears to be hot chocolate, is Eddie. He looks up from the pale brown liquid in his cup. His eyes are richer than that of what he drinks. And Steve is startled by how sad, though ferociously angry they are.

“I know this is your house and you’re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want, but you can’t just be a piece of shit to me,” Eddie rasps. His voice is nearly hollow. Penetrated by shrapnel between his teeth. And Steve also wonders if that’s what he’ll sound like after this. This limbo he can’t control. “Seriously, Steve. I thought you were, like, changed or something. Thought you were supposed to be this good guy now. Not a douchebag, remember?”

‘Douchebag’ spits from him like acid. Steve is burning. He is sizzling. Can’t help the trembling in his hands. Or the subtle, missed by Eddie, flinch that forces him back a step.

He looks away from those molten eyes of Eddie’s. Towards the floor. At his bare feet. Going cold against the hardwood. Wants to throw it all up. The explanation. His thoughts. Every little other thing about him that’s always made him some sort of spectacle in his parent’s marriage. Am I the cold, he asks to nobody in particular, or am I the body drowning in it?

Eddie sniffles. Clears his throat. Sighs disappointingly.

Steve is five years old. His dad is sitting at the table. He is being scolded for not speaking up. Steve is eight years old, covered in mud and pink lines from being scuffed on the concrete. He is being scolded for not speaking up. Steve is eighteen years old, bloodied, beaten blue, sweaty, and soot on his new shoes. He is being scolded for not speaking up.

He is traumatized. And he is tired. And he can’t explain, no matter how much he wants.

“Maybe I should’ve expected this,” Eddie mutters, “being friends with Steve Harrington was always a sort of fantasy anyway, right? Who could like a freak?”

It’s not loud, though it disrupts the quiet Steve thought could never be broken again. He sobs. Wretched and screeching. The tears like a flash flood. His chest caving in. All the sounds escaping him, garbled and messy and drowning. He is drowning. He is different. He’s a freak. And Eddie must know, but not like Nancy does. Or he must have found something, the steno pad. Must’ve talked to Max, something.

He collapses into one of the dining chairs. A heaping mess of blood and skin and bones and meat. Just this. He is this with nothing to explain for it. 

Out of the corner of his eye, though blurry, he sees Eddie stand from his chair. Making some sort of aborted movement. And, without much thinking, Steve scrambles his hands forward, wrapping them tight on Eddie’s forearms, tugging him in too close. Forcing him to stumble into his knobby knees. Fingers still squeezing, fingernails biting into Eddie’s soft skin.

“Hey, whoa, whoa,” Eddie’s whispering, “Stevie, hey.” He crouches down, arms encased in Steve’s terrible hold. It’s almost hard to picture, the space and positions between them. Eddie’s wobbling on his own feet, probably sore and aching on his bad leg. Though, there’s a palm warm on Steve’s cheek. Wiping away at the tears. Trying to, at least; more keep streaming. Fingers carefully scooting into his hairline. Massaging on his scalp, pruning with the cold water in his hair. “Steve,” he murmurs, “hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry. That was—I’m sorry, Steve. I really am. That wasn’t okay.”

He doesn’t know what comes from him next to cause Eddie’s eyes to widen in both surprise and horror, but it must be something awful. A scream. Loud and piercing and high pitched. Shooting from him like a bullet, shattering everything between them. Shrapnel from between his teeth.

Eddie frees from Steve’s grasp, wrapping his arms around his shaking back, bringing him in gently. Rocking him from side to side until he’s only whimpering. Petting down Steve’s hiccuping back. “You’ll be okay,” he whispers against Steve’s ear. “I was being mean. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

Eventually, he pulls back some. Putting a small amount of space between their bodies. Steve is shaking from it all. Unable to do much. Eddie soothes a hand down his left arm. “Tell me what’s going on? How come you��ve been pulling away?”

Steve shakes his head. Placing a tired and limp hand on his throat.

“You lose your voice? Are you sick?” Again, Steve shakes his head. And Eddie goes quiet for a few slow moments. Until, a lightbulb seems to shine bright and shatter over his hair, amber light still causing him to glow, despite it all. He scrambles up off the floor. Squeezes Steve’s shoulders. Lightly says, “Stay here, okay? I’m gonna go find a pen and some paper. Be right back.”

When he’s back at Steve’s chair, the both of them significantly calmer, a brand new steno pad is in his hands. He hands it off with a chewed up ballpoint pen. “Tell me by writing it down.”

And so Steve does. Gives it back. Lets Eddie read his chicken scratch scrawl.

‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ is the first thing. Followed by, ‘I’ve been like this since I was a little kid. When things get bad or I just don’t have the energy, it’s like my body forgets how to talk.’

“Oh,” Eddie whispers. He blinks at the paper and looks up to Steve. A sad little smile flashes on his face. “Okay, Steve. I—I think I get it. Kind of like when my day gets really busy and then when I go home, I just shut myself in my room and listen to music until I fall asleep. Kinda like that?”

Steve shrugs and reaches for the paper again. Writing, ‘Sort of. But it’s for a long time. Like…You know now. Sometimes I don’t talk for weeks. Sometimes it’s a few hours. But I get like this a lot.’ When he’s finished and Eddie goes to speak again, Steve immediately writes some more. Eddie’s mouth shuts with the soft click of his teeth.

‘Am I really a freak?’ Is what Eddie reads next.

His head shoots up from the paper. Eyes impossibly wider than they’ve ever been. Startled and desperate and unbearably sad. “No,” he murmurs quickly. “No, Steve, you’re not a freak. What makes you think that?”

The pad trembles in Steve’s grasp. He doesn’t want to write it, wouldn’t even want to speak it. But still, he sketches, ’You asked me, “Who could like a freak?”’ He tilts his head at his own words. Ducks back in, his hands shaking too much and his eyes moist. ‘It’s okay if you think so. I’m kind of used to it.’

Eddie snatches the paper from Steve’s offered grip. He swallows heavily and locks eyes with him, they’re still so sad. He wonders if that’s what Eddie’s seeing, too. “Stevie, no,” he whispers. “No, I was talking about myself. I thought you were mad at me. Thought you didn’t like me. I don’t think of you that way.”

Steve nods, sagging with relief. And with it a few tears spring loose from his eyes. A hand softly cups his jaw, thumbing at his fat hot tears. He closes his eyes and sighs. “Not mad,” he forces, his voice like raw, out of the box grits. It hurts, but he swallows. “You are my friend,” he musters before falling silent again.

A soft, sad hum emanates from Eddie. His hand tenses on Steve’s skin, but it holds to him gently, like he never wants to let go. “You’re mine, too, you know that? I’m genuinely sorry for what I said,” Eddie says. The apology sweet and drenching. “That wasn’t okay of me. I’m sorry.”

There’s no words Steve can press from within him. He lays his hand over Eddie’s and squeezes. Eyes now open and darting between Eddie’s own. He pushes their joined hands further into his cheek, sighing with it. Boneless in his chair.

“Okay,” Eddie mutters, “I understand, sweetheart. I get you now.” His thumb soothes more. Petting—caressing Steve in a way that makes his stomach flutter. “We’ll get you through this,” he promises, “I won’t go anywhere.”

💛—————💛

[longitudinalwaveme]

2024 Flash Annual (and General Musings About Si Spurrier's Flash Run)

I bought the 2024 Flash annual today, and enjoyed....parts of it. Which is actually a reflection of my feelings about the run as a whole. Here are my thoughts about the storyline so far, starting with the stuff I'm not crazy about.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

The Bad

I'm not a huge fan of Wally's kids suddenly having been aged up into teenagers. I liked them as younger kids, and it's frustrating to have them be advanced so rapidly into the more standard teenaged sidekick role.

Linda has been somewhat out of focus in the most recent issues of the story. I appreciate the attempt at tackling postpartum depression, but it feels as though the plot thread has been mostly lost amidst all the craziness.

Barry swearing is weird. He's such a clean-cut guy, and even though he's supposed to be somewhat out-of-character due to all the reality warping shenanigans, it's still odd to have him swearing constantly.

Amanda Waller is back, and she hates superheroes. Again. She's not exactly out-of-character or anything, but she's not really adding all that much to the plot. She's just here because of a tie-in crossover.

The tone of the book is rather dour and depressing. While it's not as relentlessly awful as it probably could be, I have to admit that having the entire Flash family be either depressed or on edge and at each others' throats is a bit depressing.

The Speed Force-related technobabble makes my brain hurt. I know that the Speed Force is always weird and esoteric and doesn't make sense, but this arc has been taking that up to eleven. I neither understand nor particularly care about the Arc Angles or the weird dimensional space-time stuff, and it frustrates me that so much panel time is devoted to that over and above character interactions.

This one is really minor, but I don't care for Evan's new astronaut costume. The original Mirror Master look was better.

Good Stuff

While the dour tone is a bit off-putting, I do at least respect the attempt to portray depression and burnout. For the most part, the symptoms are shown quite realistically, and, at least in Wally's case, it is a continuation of long-running mental health struggles. (Wally also suffered from depression shortly after becoming the Flash, so it does make some sense that his depression might resurface at some point.)

It's good to see Gorilla Grodd again. Before this arc, he hadn't done much for a few years, so it's nice to have him return (even if I'm not sure how he managed to get control over Gorilla City again).

The interactions between Wally and his kids (when they happen) are really solid, at least for the most part. I also like that Irey is still friends with Maxine Baker and that plot point wasn't dropped when the new writer took over.

Abra Kadabra makes total sense as part of the evil scheme, and Spurrier has thus far written him very well. I think it's been a good while since he was a major antagonist in anything, so I appreciate having him back as a Flash villain. I'm also relieved to learn that he was the Piper and not Hartley (mind-controlled or otherwise).

This may be the most interesting and threatening the Folded Man has ever been. Not that that's a particularly high bar to clear, but it's a nice change of pace to have him as a major villain.

Bart Allen and Max Mercury have been written well, and I'm glad that they're a team again.

Hartley has gotten to play an important role in the events of the story and is playing the role of tech support for the Flashes, just like he used to do during Wally's run. I'm very glad to have him around, and I hope that we get to see him in costume before the end of the run (especially given the way that Kadabra's evil scheme has co-opted his theme).

Evan McCulloch is back! I've missed him, and he and his phonetically-written Scottish accent have been one of the highlights of the run for me. He fits in with the book's plot and tone really well, given his weird eldritch powers, and this story has been a good showcase of just how dangerous he can be. I also particularly liked the bit where the Folded Man sarcastically suggested that Evan McCulloch's reward for participating in the plan was a hug; that was a good joke.

Unanswered Questions

Is McCulloch still dealing that Speed Force drug? And how was that connected to the overall evil plot?

Who or what is promising the rewards to the villains? Is it a pre-established villain, or some unknown cosmic horror?

Is Eobard Thawne involved in this scheme? If not, is one of the other Thawnes? I have to assume that at least one of them must be, because otherwise the "Crown of Thawnes" makes little sense.

What exactly has Evan been promised as a reward for his participation in the evil scheme? He's the only one we don't have a definite answer for, and I'm really curious as to what might be motivating him. If I were writing it, I would probably have the reward be a promise to let him go back in time and stop himself from accidentally shooting his father, but I do somewhat doubt that that's what he's actually been promised. Maybe it has something to do with reuniting him with the Rogues?

Are the social problems in Central City going to be addressed outside of Irey's ill-fated attempt to solve them? Is this going to be the next story arc, or an ongoing subplot? If so, I hope Hartley gets involved.

Is Evan still addicted to cocaine? Okay, admittedly this doesn't have much to do with anything, but I am curious.

Regardless of what Evan's been promised, Len needs to find him and whack him upside the head. This scheme is much more dangerous than anything he's been involved with previously, and he seems to have completely gone off the deep end in terms of the behavior he's willing to engage in to get what he wants.

[mightntbethebest]

Because I have the plague, here's some sick headcanons for the KF cast. I forgot a few characters but yk. I'm dying like George. [Under the cut so it doesn't fill your whole dash:]]

[You can tell when I got a migraine writing this lmao]

Forrest :

+ Bro is miserable. Just miserable. Even worse because he's older.

+ Nasally voice, but it sounds like he's twenty again, like, his voice is higher. Mine does that idk.

+ Constantly coughing once he goes off air from trying to sound normal, apologizes so much. Peggy makes fun of him.

Peggy! :

> Sopping wet cat face 23/7. Not even on purpose, her resting face is just a sad wet cat. Doing a customer service / work place credibility smile is hard when sick yk?

> Gets the sniffles somethin God awful. Tissues become her best friend [Sorry Karen]

> Really glad she doesn't have to do a lot of talking like Forrest does, it would drive her insane.

Marie :] :

- She doesn't even notice. Like she's inmune to getting sick for some magical reason? That or she's just really good at hiding it.

- She does get migraines though. Permanent knit brow. Unintentional glares good enough to rival her son's.

- Actually takes some sort of home medicine or remedy to help herself as soon as possible. She doesn't have time to be sick.

Henry! :

• Sopping wet cat face 2.0. Gets it from both parents. He just wants his mom:[

• Doesn't actually like to get help, figures he can do enough on his own--Marie does NOT let that slide. Not for her son.

• Literally just. So pouty. Hates getting sick.

George :] :

= Sopping wet cat 3.0. Absolutely miserable because Marie makes him stay in bed to relax.

= Staying in bed is something he is not good at. Can and has been caught doing chores around the place when he was supposed to be sleeping.

= Gets uber pouty when he can't go to non required events. Like, how dare they keep him bedridden for his own health. >:[.

Roller Ricky <3:

< Max is there to help, but when be gets sick he gets SICK, y'know?

< Maxy appreciates all the love he gets from Ricky hough. He spends a lot of his time resting to heal up, and when he gets a break between flares, he practices roller disco dances.

< Takes his free time seriously, and spends it doing self care to actually help his illness.

Carrie ! :

- Pissed that she still has to go to school. Gets to see Jeanie and Hot David though.

- Definitely does not go to bed on her usual time. Either crashes out early or is up till 3. No in-between.

- Gets her friends sick and feels REALLY bad about it. But at least if it gets to enough students then they can have a day off :]

Murphy ‼️:

- The best at home remedies a man coukd ask for. Definitely seems the time to take his good health seriously. Especially after Fernando was born.

- If he got Fernando sick he'd feel terrible about it, but give that baby the BEST care possible.

- Takes his time to rest and recuperate before doing anything he was able to put off. Likely watching TV or listening to The Scream.

Dr. Virginia Sullivan :] :

- Strangely enough, she puts her own health on the back burner. Out of habit and due to her sister's health.

- But when she can, she takes small steps to feel better when needed. She can't go into work sick after all.

- Her free time is spent on comfortable self care.

Maurice ';{ :

- Dude for the love of God please realize that you are in fact sick. Take a day off. It will be fine.

- Ignores his illness out of spite. It was just the way he grew up more than likely.

- His coworkers do as much as they can to keep him corralled in his main office though, so it doesn't spread.

Eugene B} :

- Takes a day off of school so he doesn't get anyone else sick. He cares about his class mates :]

- Spends his free time catching up on work, shows, or books.

- If he can, he'll phone friend to talk to after school hours.

Sandra :

- Another one who cares about her physical health. If it's bad enough she can't jazzercise, she does yoga to help anything physical. Even if it's just stretching to make her feel better.

- Keeps the studio closed and clean so no one else gets sick.

- Takes showerd hot enough to turn her into a lobster for the night.

Casey :

- Actually goes to the doctor. I feel like after what happened with Jason, she'd be a little more concerned about how to help someones health--And that includes her own!

- Goes on morning walks to feel a little better, especially if it's in the winter.

- If she feels up to it, she might do some singing:] I think she'd have a wonderful singing voice. Plus, it'd help with any congestion I've learned.

Jason :

- He definitely didn't care too much before WN87, but afterwards it became a mandatory thing for him to get himself checked out. He's kinda paranoid.

- Phones Casey or Chuck when he's got the time and feels a little better. If neither are available, he'll watch some TV and order a light dinner.

- Takes his down time to catch up on any sports or events.

[marswasnothere]

It has been an arduous day, it’s been a long ass day, it’s been a great day seeing friends but fucking hell I’m too old for going up and down the country this frequently, I was so scared the storm was going to cancel my train

Anyway, I managed to have a couple of new thoughts on the train

Max having a thing for making Daniel cry, especially when Daniel’s having to bat his hands away when he’s about to cum, he knows it’s for the greater good, doesn’t he want to be champion, but Max is so cruel about it, dragging it out, touching him behind closed doors that don’t necessarily lock and all our baby badger can do is let tears well up, dropping down his face and running into his lips, his braces and doesn’t he look so pretty when he cries?

Secondly, what would happen if he found out that there was no denial = championship thing? Maybe he finds out from one of the older drivers (I always go for Fernando bc he might be old enough to be my dad but I need that man in ways concerning to God and more importantly to my parents) that Max has just been fucking with him the whole time. I think at first, the flush of humiliation would get to him (and maybe he doesn’t particularly hate that feeling 👀) but then he’d try rationalise. Maybe that how Max won his WDCs and he wanted to make it seem more normal for Daniel. He only wants to help, that’s all. And when Daniel sees him again, Max squeezing his waist as he walks by, he realises that he doesn’t care. It means something that Max wants to touch him so bad, that Daniel wants to be touched by him so bad. What harm has it done to him? He’s flourishing under Max’s singular attention and who wouldn’t want that? Even when Max has Daniel splayed under him, circling gently over his hole, Daniel gasping that he knows Max is fucking with him about it but he doesn’t care, he just feels so good knowing that Max’s eyes will always watch him, his hands will always hold his waist, his lips will always trail down his neck to leave marks that other drivers can’t ignore

Also blue star blue star blue star for that follower meme thing 😙

- 🧚🏻

Baby badger having his face get all splotchy red, red rimmed eyes, tears dripping down his pimpled cheeks, he loves and hates how he feels and he hates how he looks in front of Max like this but still, but still, loves the fact it's Max making him cry like this and hhhhgrghrgrgrheghrhfrgeh okay

FAIRY ANON THATS AN ENTIRE FIC RIGHT THERE YOU FUCKO (affectionate)

"He only wants to help, that’s all ... It means something that Max wants to touch him so bad, that Daniel wants to be touched by him so bad. What harm has it done to him?"

You motherfucker this is some juicy shit right here, you're better at any of this age role swapped au than I can write

[neondiamond]

🌈 Recently Read Fics - June 2023 🌈

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 🩷

🌈 you can see my heart burning in the distance by @hershelsue (923, G)

Harry and Louis are an opposites attract couple. Harry wakes up at the crack of dawn to go to his law firm job, while Louis is just getting home from his DJ gigs. They make it work.

🌈 All This Time by @allwaswell16 (1k, T)

Louis Tomlinson had been best friends with flower shop owner Gemma Styles for years. It wasn't until she suggested he date her alpha brother that he ever thought of Harry that way. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea...

🌈 Completely Oblivious by @itsnotreal (1k, G)

an interaction with a stranger helps these two finally figure their shit out.

🌈 the sweetness of your words knows no bounds in making my heart leap by @bottomhaztoplou (1k, M)

At the end of his heat, Harry writes a letter.

At the beginning of his rut, Louis writes one back.

🌈 we will get another day (to begin again) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (1k, T)

“There’s a ton of health benefits to it, look.”

Zayn gives Liam an unimpressed stare. He doesn’t even acknowledge the phone in his hand. “I don’t care if it makes me immortal, Leeyum, I’m not going to take a freaking ice bath at six in the morning.”

🌈 time can always heal you by @larriescompass (2k, G)

harry catches a fever, louis takes care of him.

🌈 Ask Him by @fxckingprincesspark (2k, T)

When Lewis Capaldi gets pressed for information on who he's dating, he admits it... he's been seeing Niall Horan. The only problem? He jokes so much that no one believes him.

🌈 routine surveillance by @disgruntledkittenface (2k, E)

Harry’s training period for the Bureau consists of routine surveillance. One night, it becomes a little less routine.

🌈 Harry, That Kills People by @londonfoginacup (2k, T)

If there’s one thing that Harry hates, it’s getting his clothes dirty.

If there’s one other thing that Harry hates, it’s murder.

Unfortunately, right here and right now, Harry’s clothes are dirty, and he’s murdered someone. So. It’s not a great day.

“Ugh,” says Harry. “Yeargh. Bleh.”

🌈 Write You A Song by @all-these-larrythings (6k, G)

Harry’s new flat is great but the acoustics are even better. They’re so good in fact that his daily shower concerts start to entertain an audience besides his shampoo bottle.

🌈 The Way to My Heart by @ladyaj-13 (6k, T)

Louis' having a bit of a dry spell, until he bumps into an attractive alpha in the supermarket and leaves with his number. It was a hard bump. Very... muscular.

The only problem is, said alpha asks Louis to cook for him - which is not exactly his skill set.

🌈 Hold Me Tight (Or Don’t) by @hellolovers13 (13k, E)

Falling in love with Louis is easy enough.

Separating Louis from the singer persona Harry has been a fan of for years, however, is not.

But she's not the only one making assumptions.

🌈 what’s left of my halo’s black by @loveislarryislove (22k, E)

A year after a devastating breakup, Louis is still trying to put himself back together - but getting over a breakup is hard when you work as a wedding planner. Thankfully, his coworker Harry is the most supportive friend Louis could ask for. But Harry has some secrets of his own, and they send Louis' world spinning off its axis all over again.

🌈 somewhere in between and not at all by @greeneyesfriedrice (24k, E)

Harry is new to NYC and discovers something about himself, and Louis is there for him. Always.

🌈 Bitter Ends Turn Sweet by @allwaswell16 (30k, E)

It had been four years since Harry first heard the song his ex wrote about him and far longer since they broke up. He forgave Louis long ago, and now his life was focused on his career, his family, and especially his son, Max. But Louis was back in Chicago, after all this time, and he’s not an easy man to ignore.

🌈 Some Records Turnin’ by @ireallysawanangel (49k, E)

Harry is a soft alpha who owns a record store and Louis is a closeted singer omega masquerading as an alpha who randomly stumbles into Harry’s store.

🌈 another dream but always you by @nobodymoves (60k, M)

Harry is a Dreamwalker; he has the ability to visit people in their dreams and help put them on the right path. He's assigned to Louis, who's struggling after the break-up of his band. It's an unusual assignment from the beginning; Harry has a crush on Louis, and Louis's subconscious immediately decides Harry is the love of his life. When Dreamers cast Harry as their love interest, he can usually redirect them, but Louis is insistent on being Harry's boyfriend, and despite knowing they have no future, Harry wants to keep up the charade.

[danieldrivesfast]

Not at all trying to start discourse on your blog, and I am a maxiel enjoyer, but I completely agree with your assessment via maxiel/dando’s friendships (at least what we see of them!)

I was a bit taken a back last year by just how quiet Max was given all the drama around daniel and Red Bull - while his career was also being dragged through the mud. People said that max really couldn’t speak up because of his ties to Red Bull, but that argument kind of falls apart when he has no problem walking out of press conferences and being very loud to the media when it’s something that directly impacts him. Even at the end when journalists were asking him outright “does Daniel deserve a seat” he just gave a very generic “daniel is a good guy, and you can’t really say who does and doesn’t deserve…etc”

Like I said, even as someone who enjoys maxiel from a fic perspective, I really couldn’t help but feel a bit like “you can’t defend your friend a little more when he always sticks his neck out there for you?”. Obviously Daniel is a grown man who can defend himself and max is under no obligation to do anything at all.

But you cannot tell me, had it been Lando in Max’s place (and with he and Daniel in their current era - not 2022 when their friendship was still more surface-level) that Lando would have sat so idly by and allowed the media to rip into Daniel and denigrate his whole career without pushing back against it more aggressively. Fairness and integrity and big things to Lando…not so much in Red Bull, within which Max is deeply entrenched.

Oh, I've said it before - Max has immense privilege with Red Bull and he didn't even say anything to actually support Daniel publicly, much less throw his weight around. (There's a lot of nuance here, I acknowledge that, but I don't feel like writing the essay at the moment.)

Because Max cares about Max. He doesn't care about the other car or the other driver, he cares about winning, for himself, not for the team. And that's fine! F1 is a competitive sport, not kickball at recess. But let's not pretend otherwise. He's extremely opinionated about what impacts him personally and will say or do whatever he needs to benefit himself and only himself. That's it.

In my opinion, if Daniel had ever been a true threat after leaving Red Bull, Max would've been terrible to him publicly, like he is when he feels threatened by Lando. Even Daniel says their relationship got much better once they weren't teammates (when Daniel couldn't beat him anymore). This all makes for great fanfiction, but the reality is that it would've been ugly.

I also continue to have no doubt that the way Max approaches friendships, especially with other drivers, is shaped by his upbringing and the continued influence of people around him. It's going to be interesting to see what happens once he has a kid (please go to therapy before the baby gets here) and eventually retires.

And you're right, I personally don't think Lando would've allowed the narrative to go the way it did if he was in Max's place at that point in time, holding all the cards and privilege. As it is, he's still out there speaking highly of Daniel unprompted, in a sincere, authentic way.

[elle-p]

Ranking Hero's Persona evolutions(not counting Q's)

Manga's Thanatos

It just sucks. It's bad. Minato only ever using Orpheus, Thanatos, and Messiah is. Whatever. It's not the worst idea ever, even if it does completely remove the entire point of his character, but I especially don't like that Thanatos replaces Orpheus. They work in tandem, contrasting each other, which is part of why Messiah works so well, and having him just. Stop using Orpheus is just bad. It also sucks from a cgaracter point: Minato never likes Pharos, which makes his awakening of Thanatos feel unearned and nothing but because he has to(and also makes his attachment to Ryoji feel unearned as well, like they're two seperate characters rather than the extension of each other). He doesn't accept anything; he's scared of him! The actual placement of it can work, but I'm annoyed that it happens before he actually defeats the Hanged Man, rather than after. The scene is really cool and drawn so well, though, and I do appreciate the 2 new forms of Death.

WM's Orpheus Telos

You probably didn't even realise this was Orpheus Telos instead, huh? WM places no ceremony on Persona evolutions anyway: the best thing I can say to demonstrate that is that the movies push all them back so that Akihiko and Ken don't randomly change Personas between films with no explanation, while WM has no qualms with that. With the flashbacks to earlier scenes, their Personas are all over the place. The actual place this happens is fine: Sakuya's facing off against Nyx Avatar, his friends are all behind him, he unlocks a new power for the final hit. It's still bad: Orpheus, Thanatos, and Messiah work so well as a trio and it's a shame that wasn't any way to show that, but it makes me feel nothing.

Game's Orpheus Telos

As said before, I don't like Orpheus Telos. But the actual criteria being maxxing out every Social Link can work, even if it falls flat(but that's probably largely due to the nature of it being one from the game).

Manga's Messiah

Minato's pathetic Thanatos absolutely affects Messiah. By making him not mean anything, making him fuse with Orpheus also means nothing. There's also no real change that happened within Minato that makes him deserving of a change in Persona, especially since he's not a Wild Card. It feels more like Igor's just telling him what to feel than Minato actually coming to the conclusion himself. But I do have to give credit where it's due for the attempt to salvage it by giving Thanatos his own Arcana as the Hanged Man and contrasting Minato and Nyx Avatar. This chapter is the best part of the manga, and it's a shame that what leads up to it is so bad, reducing its impact.

Game's Messiah

Due to the nature of the games, it's hard to give Hero any true moment of realisation. Thus, Messiah and Thanatos are very close in terms of how well I think they work. Messiah was originally gained through finishing every Social Link in one playthrough like Orpheus Telos would eventually be, but in some ways I actually prefer this way. I do like that the 3 automatic Social Links correspond to his 3 Personas. SEES making their way through Tartarus with an actual goal is a great moment of realisation for Hero, even if it is anticlimactic. Reload absolutely made it better, with actual character interactions now, and the text in the Social Link menu does show how much Hero cares about them all. Messiah is level 90 originally and 91 in Reload, which is far too high a level especially in the original, so there's not a good point in the story where he'd be able to fuse it. But Messiah being fused through Orpheus and Thanatos is fantastic, a perfect fusion of game mechanics, themes, and story beats.

Game's Thanatos

Hero's relationship with Death is a core part of P3, and, even if he didn't come to a realisation, Death leaving him after 10 years is an important enough change to warrent a new Persona. What I don't like is that Thanatos is specifically his relationship with Pharos rather than Death as a whole(with Norn and Saturnus being Ryoji's Social Link and Linked Episodes respecively). Though Ryoji's original lack of anything and Thanatos' higher level(64 originally and 78 in Reload, both reached near the end of January) mean that it's less of an issue. The fusion of Thanatos through all Personas of the Death Arcana is a neat callback to the fact that Death was created through fusing Shadows of all the different Arcana, as well.

Movies' Messiah

A more quiet realisation, it's basically the manga's but if it was good. Ryoji being the one to talk to Makoto before is much better than Igor, giving it a more personal feel and a great sendoff to how their relationship is at the core of the movies, and also works to parallel Orpheus and Thanatos. It's the culmination of Makoto's character development, him realising that he'll die for those he cares about and truly grasping what it mean to live, both because and in spite of that. The only shame is that Messiah gets no chance to really do anything because it exists for such a short amount of time, but I think Messiah being less violent and more a quiet power works better, especially with the way its golden lights contrasts Nyx' gravity waves, changing the entire colour palette of the scene.

Movies' Thanatos

Yeah this is it. Absolute perfection. Using Thanatos after he's seen and accepted every part of Death. Ryoji was always going on about how the bond between them will always exist, and so Makoto finding the part of himself that'll always be Death that's also Ryoji's own wish not to hurt him proves him right for both of them. And with Ryoji referencing Pharos not just proving that this is all of Death but also acting as bookends for the first time he summoned Thanatos is just fantastic. I also really like how the Personas Makoto uses have the same Arcana as the one Nyx Avatar changes to with Thanatos being the only one of the Death Arcana he ever summons. The song that starts playing(Self Redemption) having the same tune as the song that starts playing when Hermes and Medea fuse to Trismegistus(Resucitation) and the rest of SEES' Personas evolving as well ties it back to the rest of his friends. And the single frame of Makoto's sillhouette turning into Ryoji? No notes it's SO good.

Weiss Schwarz' Thanatos

Ok the movies' Thanatos absolutely deserves to win but December 31st being the moment Hero's Persona evolves is SO cool. It fits completely with every other characters, and is also the only real choice Hero makes. I'm all for January 31st being the parallel to Orpheus looking back but this being it, especially with it also being the moment he stops being Orpheus, is just so interesting to think about.

[theferalwitch]

My thoughts on fictional characters, people and their complexities (Billy Hargrove included lol he's the main focus. As are a lot of my posts)

Uh. Mild TW Mention of slurs and fictional violence!

I think I start caring about people who are morally objectionable because I know for a fact I too can be morally objectionable. If they can be loud and angry and mean and people understand them and love them surely. Surely one person can understand and love me too. I think this is part of the reason why so many people care about the villain of the story. They're not excusing what they've done. They understand what they've done, but they don't. Yknow. They just don't look at them and go " BAD MAN MUST GO AWAY FOR GOOD". They understand the complexity of the character and the way they came to be where they got to today. Or atleast the potential complexity like with Billy Hargrove.

I look at the guy an yeah as a character he's done some bad stuff. He really has. Laying out what's canon here.

Broken Max's skateboard.

Tried to run over children.

Implied violence towards Max.

Racism towards Lucas

And this is just what I can think of-

However he's been hit by his father (considering the reaction to it I doubt it's been the first time)

Called slurs by said father.

With his memories of his dad and his mom's fights well. We know what happened there.

Has rightfully gotten upset at Steve lying to him about Max being there at the house he was at. With a bunch of boys. At night. (All he knew was Steve's reputation and he doesn't know these kids. Billy is a guy. He knows what could have happened) Ended up wilding out and getting drugged by something unknown. (Which I can see why they did it in the heat of the moment. Does that excuse it? Absolutely not)

I'm not even gonna touch on Karen Wheeler. She's a predator end of story.

Now to put this all in perspective Billy is a child during most of this. And barely legal working at the pool. Children should be held responsible for their actions if they truly intend to harm or abuse someone else. No question. In his environment? I can understand why he developed the way he did.

Because I was in some of those same situations. My friends were. Families were. I've seen people who rose above their raising and some who didn't. I was fortunate enough to claw myself out of that hole. I still do every day.

Now Billy Hargrove never got that chance. All we saw was the angry, destructive, loud kid that partied fought and drank.

Whats the point of this you ask? I fuckin see myself in the kids actions. I was angry and destructive and just flat out mean to people.

Sometimes those impulses come from a really dark place and it's hard to control. Hard to deal with. Especially if you don't have the tools and the support behind you. Maybe if he'd been given a chance to change he would have. Guess we'll never know.

I wanted to end this by saying that well. I know this was a ramble. But I think I wanted to say is people and characters can be complex things. I wanted to use Billy as an example for that and to make myself feel a little better for being considered too much. To angry. To traumatized. Taking up too much space. Coz if he can be loved like. So can I. So can you. 💜

[hawkinsgirlnextdoor]

Stranger Things As Songs From Speak Now (Taylor's Version)

This is my magnum opus. Should I do 1989?

Castles Crumbling - Steve Harrington

"Once, I had an empire in a golden age I was held up so high, I used to be great They used to cheer when they saw my face Now, I fear I have fallen from grace

And I feel like my castle's crumbling down And I watch all my bridges burn to the ground And you don't want to know me I will just let you down You don't wanna know me now"

The first time I heard Castles Crumbling I immediately thought of “King Steve” and Steve’s quiet identity crisis. Steve has undergone this simultaneously tragic and liberating fall from grace. He constantly wants to show people that he’s good and valuable despite him not claiming the title he once had. He’s burned bridges with Tommy and Carol and everyone from the part of his life he’s no longer proud of. While personally he may be fulfilled with his new life he is aware that he is perceived as a failure. He had the entire world gift wrapped for him and still found a way to tear it all down. 

Nancy Wheeler & Jonathan Byers - Mine

"Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water? You put your arm around me for the first time You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together And there's a drawer of my things at your place You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes"

Mine is their song! It’s Nancy and Jonathan at their best. Especially in the early seasons both of them are very emotionally guarded but learn to open up to each other. In season 1 they both talk about not wanting to become their parents, wanting to stop the cycle of resentment and conventionality. Their relationship is almost defined by hardship, growing more intimate and personal the more they take on together. In their relationship it's them against the world especially because they are an unconventional pairing. They both have insecurities and baggage but ultimately they are there for each other and are better people for it (You can pry Jancy out my cold, dead hands). 

Max Mayfield & Lucas Sinclair - Last Kiss

"I still remember the look on your face Lit through the darkness at 1:58 The words that you whispered for just us to know You told me you loved me So why did you go away?"

"Because I love your handshake, meeting my father I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

And I'll go Sit on the floor wearing your clothes All that I know is I don't know How to be something you miss

I never thought we'd have a last kiss I never imagined we'd end like this Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are Hope it's nice where you are"

This song can be read as two sided but I primarily see it from Lucas’ perspective, particularly in the time of his and Max’s breakup. This song is about being crushed by the sudden end of relationship while still having allegiance to the person that left. Lucas is very compassionate and still worried about Max ever after their breakup. He didn’t care if she ever was with him again, only that she was safe and happy again. On Max’s side it crushes her to keep the distance between them and she’s haunted by the memories of their love and the sheer fact that Lucas is a good person who still loves her. They both wonder how much of the others life they missed and if things could’ve been different.

Nancy Wheeler & Steve Harrington - Back to December

"So this is me swallowin' my pride Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December all the time It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright I go back to December all the time"

"And then the cold came, the dark days When fear crept into my mind You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye."

While I am not a fan of the weird Stancy revival plot in season 4, this song really captures Steve's feelings towards Nancy. He deeply regrets the person he was when they were together and tells her that he didn't know what he had when he had it. She fundamentally changed him (which is why we should ALL be thanking Nancy for creating the Steve we know and love), and Steve wishes he could redo their relationship. The last line could also reflect Nancy's potential guilt about the way their relationship ended and her inability to reciprocate Steve's love because of her trauma and Barb's death. Also "I'm sorry for that night" is the night of the Halloween party. I don't make the rules. (Also Also Steve and Nancy dated for A YEAR that is so unfathomable to me :I)

El Hopper & Mike Wheeler & Will Byers - Superman

"I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him I hang on every word that you say And you smile and say, "How are you?" I'll say, "Just fine" I always forget to tell you I love you, I love you forever"

"I watch superman fly away You've got a busy day today Go save the world, I'll be around And I watch superman fly away Come back, I'll be with you someday I'll be right here on the ground When you come back down"

Superman can be interpreted from three different perspectives. Mike to El,  El to Mike, and Will to Mike. In season 4 Mike reaffirms his love for El by saying that she is his superhero. Her strength is the thing that he admires most about her and he is constantly in awe at her power. The line “I’ve loved you from the very first day” parallels Mike saying that he loved her from the moment he saw her. He even voices his insecurities about her leaving him behind once she realizes that he’s not anything special.

El has the complete opposite perspective, seeing herself as the unworthy one. Because Mike is the first person who ever extended kindness to El, she believes that he is the best person alive and is incredibly lucky to have him. El and Mike see the other as their Superman. 

From Will’s perspective Mike is his Superman. He is the leader, the heart, the paladin, and the great hero. He idolizes Mike in way which is why is rejection hurts so much. He wishes the cards were from Mike. That Mike knew how much Will reveres him. In his case, “I’ve loved you from the very first day” could be about the first day he and Mike met in kindergarten.

Will Byers & Mike Wheeler - Foolish One

"Foolish one Stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love That ain't never gonna come You will take the long way, you will take the long way down Foolish one Stop checkin' your mailbox for confessions of love That ain't never gonna come You will learn the hard way instead of just walkin' out

Now I'm slidin' down the wall with my head in my hands Sayin', "How could I not see the signs?" Oh, you haven't written me or called But goodbye screamin' in the silence And the voices in my head are tellin' me why"

The accuracy of this one hurts. I think the lyrics are self explanatory but the song reflects the anguish Will feels over Mike’s friendship and love slipping away.

Joyce Byers & Jim Hopper - Timeless

"I would've read your love letters every single night And prayed to God you'd be comin' home all right And you would've been fine We would have been timeless 'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine We would've been timeless"

"In a crowded room a few short years ago And sometimes there's no proof, you just know You're always gonna be mine We're gonna be I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've madeAnd you'll say, 'Oh my, we really were timeless'"

Timeless is an affirmation that no matter how many times they are separated and torn apart, Joyce and Hopper will find each other. It's also about them wanting to stop dealing with interdimensional threats to their families and have a normal life together and live to see the other get old.