#and the tomorrow i have to do the next project
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in the name of science!!
viktor and jinx are friends and are completing a science project together... although it turns into a gossip session (courtesy of jinx)
1k+ words
"So... are we gonna talk about it?" Jinx leans back in her swivel chair, almost threatening to tip it over and for a second Viktor considers tipping it over himself because of course Jinx mentions it. She never did have any clue what 'personal space' was, or maybe she did and just preferred bothering him. Honestly it could really go either way for her, and for him. The pestering was rather mutual.
He sets down his wrench and pushes the metal object that was previously in his hands aside. They were trying to make an energy generation machine, something that involved the physics of perpetual motion to create energy more easily, but apparently that is going to have to wait.
"Talk about what?" Viktor tilts his head as he turns it to look at her, mocking confusion. Maybe she doesn't even remember, well he could hope at least.
Jinx scoffs, blowing a tuft of blue hair out from her face. "The whole 'Viktor, you're my best friend!' 'Oh, how I couldn't do this without you!' 'I love you so dearly' 'Nothing in the entire world can ever compare to your genius!' " she mocked in a (rather bad) Jayce impression.
"That wasn't a very good impression," Viktor points out. If she's gonna be like this then might as well return the favor
"Pfft- alright-"
"You just vaguely lowered your voice,"
"Alright-"
"I think Vi does it better,"
Jinx got up from her chair and pushed Viktor almost out of his but he caught himself (on his bad leg, whether or not that was on purpose though is a mystery to him).
"Alright, that's enough. We're talking about Jayce here, not my impression of him-"
"Of course not, I could hardly even tell that it was him in the first place-"
"I'm going to push you out of your chair Vik,"
Viktor smiles at her innocently and looks back to their device, touching it as if he were examining it but not actually doing so. He knew what she was talking about. Jinx was convinced he and Jayce had something... a little more friendly going on, to put it into words. Something that he knew not to be true, and something he didn't like entertaining because he knew it not to be so.
"There's nothing to talk about,"
"Really? You could just stand in a dark corner and he'd find a way to praise you for it," Jinx crosses her arms, looking down on him. Viktor opens his mouth to respond before shutting it, he knows that it's the truth because he's practically done it before, giving a speech and then afterwards telling Viktor how helpful it was to have him there as support.
He did nothing the entire time, just watched.
"See! You're not even arguing!"
"Jinx this is due tomorrow we have to get this done-"
"Eh, I'll finish it later," she shrugs it off without a second thought -- typical -- and instead sits on the floor looking up at him smugly. "Anyways let's focus on the main point," she emphasizes.
"There is nothing between us-"
"And my name's Powder," Jinx hisses in retaliation.
Viktor looks at her and narrows his eyes. He might regret what he's going to say next but fuck it. It's nothing that she's not used to by this point.
"Technically it is-" he barely finishes his words before he's tugged down to the floor aggressively with no concern about his leg at all and jinx pointing one of her brightly colored nails in his face.
"Watch it legs,"
Viktor scoffs at the remark. Nothing they haven't said to each other before. She lets him go and he adjusts his seating to something more comfortable.
"You owe me now. Spill, do you find Mr. Golden Boy attractive, and if so why the hell are your standards so low?" It sounds more like a statement than anything. "Because he's attracted to you and at this point I'm gonna start making bets about when the two of you are gonna end up together-"
"That's never going to happen," Viktor says, a little too quickly, but he sees Jinx's confused face and decides that he should give her an answer. "I'm pretty sure that he likes Mel,"
"Mel!?" Jinx half shouts, there's a look in her eyes that makes Viktor regret everything. He just hopes that Mel can survive the constant teasing from Jinx, then again, she is strong. "The one in the debate club? The one on the student council?" She scoffs and this time flicks her hair out of her face. "She is way out of his league,"
Viktor looks at her in disbelief before-- wait.
"Did you just imply that I’m easy?” Viktor stares at her before Jinx shakes her head.
“I just asked you why your standards were so low earlier idiot,” She leans on her hands, placing them behind her back. “I- quit changing the subject!” She hissed leaning forward and slamming her hands down on the floor dramatically.
Viktor sighs and looks away trying to find an excuse when one came to him (and rather conveniently), his phone rang. He picked it up seeing Jayce’s contact, something that Jinx sensed and instantly began trying to grab the phone afterwards. Luckily though he picked up before she could hang up and continue their little session or whatever that was.
“Viktor! I’m so glad that you picked up! I was wondering if you could meet up right now possibly, I have this really cool new idea and I kinda need your help with it,” Jayce spits out rather quickly.
Viktor looks over to Jinx who’s looking over to their project (which she stopped doing) as if it was a reason to get him to stay with her. It’s safe to say that he wasn’t convinced.
“Yeah, I’ll be right over,”
“Yes! Thank you Viktor,”
“Of course, just send me the address,” Viktor hangs up, getting a rather annoyed look from Jinx. “What? He needs my help.” Viktor shrugs as if he wasn’t looking for an excuse to avoid their earlier conversation.
“Uh uh, whatever, I’m finishing it I guess?” she asks, pointing over to it. Viktor nods rushing out the door.
“Thanks!” He calls out.
“No problem, just tell me if anything spicy happens-”
“Nevermind,”
He hears her laughter on the way out the door.
#viktor and jinx#jinx and viktor#arcane#jinx#jinx arcane#jinx league of legends#powder#viktor arcane#jayce x viktor#viktor league of legends#viktor lol#jayvik#writing snippet#eternal writes
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Hi are you working on any fics or snippets for either the Tommy and rocker sibling series or for ruca
Yes for both! I’m trying to finish something to post for tomorrow, but I do have fics in progress in the twins universe and just Ruca in general. Here’s a snippet to appease the masses!
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“He’s going to be okay.” Luca murmurs, reaching out to put a steadying hand on his arm. “You’ve gotta ease up a little, sweetheart. The kid doesn’t know you and his hackles are up.”
“He almost wasn’t.” Rocker says, closing his eyes. Nothing had terrified him as much as hearing Tommy’s voice on the radio and the sound of someone beating him to a pulp. “You like him?”
“Buck?” Luca shrugs in response. “Don’t know him yet. First impression is that he’s cool. Trying to keep himself busy so he’s not overcome with worry, you know?”
“Yeah. I get that.” Rocker chuckles bitterly. Their kitchen has probably never looked so clean. “Let’s feed them before Tommy starts bitching.” He grabs a couple of plates and tucks bottled waters under his arms, heading for the living room. Tommy’s in his favorite armchair, an old recliner that he’d salvaged and restored as a project with Genie. Rocker will have to take a picture for her later. Buck’s right next to him, quickly getting up and taking their plates with a stuttered thanks.
“Sorry to bypass the introductions.” Rocker tells Buck as they sit on the couch. “You’ve met Luca, my partner.”
“We talked while you guys were saying bye to Genie.” Luca says, smiling easily. “Buck was telling me he’s also a firefighter. At Tommy’s old station, if you can believe that.” Working under Captain Bobby Nash, if Rocker remembers correctly.
“Oh, I’ve seen him in action.” Rocker says, taking a bite of food.
“You…you have?” Buck’s face scrunches in confusion and Rocker hums, nodding. He can see the appeal to Tommy - the kid’s cute.
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girl next door 🏠-7
a/n: at this point— i’m just doing shit 😭
Summer turned to fall rather quickly and things had settled pretty nicely for the ladies. The women had only been sleeping together for about a month but they’d all fallen into this new dynamic pretty easily. Everyone was learning new things about themselves and each other and it was making for a very interesting friendship.
Like now, Y/n and JJ were sprawled around her living room working quietly. JJ, reading through case consults, and Y/n working through a few papers. Emily had been tagged into a last-minute interrogation at some prison and jj didn’t particularly fancy spending her evening alone, so she’d made her way over to Y/n’s door as soon as she put the car in park. Having spent her day cleaning and sending out project feedback, Y/n welcomed the blonde in with a smile and instructions to get comfortable while she grabbed them snacks until dinner time.
They worked in relative silence for a bit until JJ seemed finally cracked. Her eyes had strayed from the crime scene photos far too many times for her to provide an actual consult. So when she caught sight of Y/n returning to the living room in one of her signature lounge sets, JJ couldn’t stop herself from pulling the young professor into her lap. Y/n fell easily with a laugh, straddling JJ with raised eyebrows.
“I thought we were working?” Y/n asked teasingly.
“I can’t focus when you’re walking around looking this good.” JJ’s mouth instantly started working the column of Y/n’s neck and by now she was starting to pick up on just how to work the younger woman’s body to get the reaction she wanted. JJ was efficient and had Y/n humming softly and stretching her neck to give her more room to work.
“You know, I’m starting to realize how insatiable your libido is.” Y/n chuckled as she felt JJ’s hands crawl up her shirt to rest in one of her favorite places.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” JJ snickered. “And you’re not exactly helping it. You’ve been walking around in practically nothing for the last hour and a half. I think I deserve some praise for holding out as long as I did.” JJ chided with a nip to the younger woman’s neck.
Before Y/n could even reply, her phone started ringing on the coffee table. She pulled away from JJ, much to the older woman’s dismay, and reached for her phone to see who was calling. JJ, hardly one to be deterred turned her attention to the parts of the younger woman’s body that were still in her reach. Y/n eyed her phone curiously but answered.
“Tina?” Y/n asked as she held the phone to her ear.
“Hi, is now a bad time?” The woman spoke nervously. Y/n’s eyes met JJ’s mischievous eyes and she pulled her hands from under her shirt to rest on her hips. With a pout, the older woman lowered her hands fractionally to cup her behind instead.
Y/n rolled her eyes, but didn’t move them. “No, now's fine. What’s up?”
“Well, I’m in DC— for a show and I wanted to or was hoping to see you. Only if you want, of course. Last time we talked, you said to reach out if I was ever in town. And I’m here. So I’m reaching out.” Tina rambled nervously.
“Well of course I wanna see you. No need to work yourself up honey,” Y/n spoke softly into the phone. The term of endearment piques JJ’s interest. She knew her neighbor rained pet names when she addressed people, she claimed it was part of her Southern charm. But in the months they’d known each other she’d never heard the name Tina before.
“I’m sorry, I just- you know how I get.” Tina sighed over the phone with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“I do. How long are you here for? I’m teaching during most days but we could definitely do dinner.” Y/n asked flipping her hair out of her face a bit, completely missing the way JJ studied her.
“I’m here until Monday, then we’re heading to Chicago. The show will be Friday through Sunday.”
“Okay, it’s Wednesday now— can you squeeze me in tomorrow night? I’ll stay in town after my classes and then we can meet. And if you’re nice, I’ll come see your show.” Y/n teased softly down the line, easily falling into the banter of their past.
JJ was so close enough to the younger woman, that she could practically hear the woman on the other line laugh and agree. She watched as Y/n smiled giddily and confirmed plans for the following day and a familiar yet confusing fire began to burn in her stomach. Familiar, yes. She’d been known to have a bit of a jealous streak. Confusing, also yes. Because she’d only ever really felt that way with Emily. Never for any other partner. And certainly not for any of the women they’d taken to their bed, casually. As the thought passed her mind, she nodded in realization. Oh, this is definitely new.
When Emily and JJ finally stopped fighting their desires and fell into the whole, neighbors-with-benefits sort of arrangement there was bound to be some confusion considering they had never really brought another woman into their relationship consistently. It had always been a one-night-stand-see-you-never sort of deal. Often occurring after a particularly rough case over drinks in a dimly lit bar on the other side of town. They usually never even brought the women to their house. For safety reasons primarily but also because they knew what kind of message that sent to women and they weren’t interested in that sort of thing. Then Y/n moved in and she was just so attractive and so close. They’d convinced themselves that after one time they’d be able to dispel any of those feelings of attraction. That’s how it had worked any other time they took someone to bed. But they were sorely mistaken. Not only had they progressed to inviting Y/n into their personal bed, it was as if their experiences with her were bleeding into their personal intimacy. No matter how many times they washed their sheets they stilled smelled of her release. Any time they rolled into bed to sleep or do a little more than sleep, their minds wandered to their unbelievably attractive neighbor down the street. The neighbor they had writhing between them for hours, gripping their silken sheets, pleading for sweet release. It worked wonders for their already active sex life but it always left them feigning for another night with her. So they stopped counting. And everyone seemed happier that way. The street’s orgasm count was up and who would complain about that?
At this point they’d slept together maybe, 7 times over the last month. All of which had been initiated by Emily or JJ. It almost always happened like this. After defiling Y/n’s couch for the second time they exchanged numbers— everyone anticipating the routine forming. They’d decide before they left work who’d actually reach out. If it was early enough, the younger woman would offer whatever she had for dinner to them and after they’d all eaten together the older women would lead the younger woman to their bedroom. And once the deed was done, Y/n was heading back to her house leaving both women leftovers of their meal. Very casual, very neighborly, very not jealousy-inducing (so far). So when JJ felt that familiar burning in her gut, she knew something else was going on.
“Listen, let me know what your schedules looking like tomorrow and i’ll find us somewhere for dinner. Are you still off Chinese? Figured. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Y/n spoke down the phone before ending the call and turning her attention back to the blonde underneath her. “Sorry bout that.”
JJ nodded and eyed the younger woman curiously, hands still settle on her ass, “Friend in town?”
Y/n nodded, tossing her phone to the other end of the couch, “Yeah, I think I may have mentioned my closest friend in location was in New York when we first met. Well, her shows traveling and we’re gonna get together.”
JJ aimed for casually curious, nothing more than a friend asking about another friend, “That’s nice, were you close before you moved here?”
“Oh yeah, we lived together for a year before she moved up to New York last spring for a role,” Y/n answered easily.
“Roommates? Oh, that’s nice that you kept in touch.” JJ said feeling the relief inching into her body at the simple answer.
“Yeah, roommates. We really leaned into that U-haul lesbian stereotype. Although, i think six months is better than some of couples i’ve known.” Y/n counted absentmindedly.
“Oh! She’s your ex? Like the year and a half one?” JJ asked, feeling the jealousy flair intensely.
“Uh huh, gosh I forget how loose lipped I get when I drink.” Y/n smiled, kissing JJ’s lips chastely and rising from her lap. “I’m going to start dinner, are y’all eating with me tonight?”
JJ answered affirmatively and watched as the younger woman started working around her kitchen to prepare for dinner. She’d need to swallow whatever she was feeling—cause it’s casual.
-
“God, DC looks good on you.” Tina smiled fondly from across the dinner table. Y/n had picked a restaurant within walking distance to where Tina was staying and she was definitely taking advantage of that fact as she nursed her fourth drink.
“Oh stop that! I look exactly the same as I did when I dropped you at the airport last May. If we’re talking who looks what— the stage is agreeing with my baby. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you this light and free.”
“That might be the liquor talking.” Tina grinned.
“Uh huh, you always did have a low tolerance. My lil baby.” Y/n teased, reaching across the table to pinch at the older woman’s cheek affectionately. “Tell me, who’re you bedding now? Some young ingenue in the chorus line?”
“Ha! No no. I’m not currently involved with anyone. Haven’t had much time with the show traveling— and you know the new york dating scene is not my speed.”
“Awe come on, the girls not seeing how lovable your little shy, nervous thing is? We both know how well that worked on me.”
“Yeah— I fear they’re not like you.” Tina shrugged, downing the rest of her drink. She waved the waitress down for another and studied her ex closely. “Now you my dear, are definitely getting laid. Tell me about that.”
Y/n blushed under her gaze and rolled her eyes, “Oh you know, nothing serious. My married neighbors have just been screwin’ my brains out for the last month.”
“Oh ho ho— now that’s one way to do it. Glad one of us is getting laid.” Tina cheers, clinking their glasses together. “What does ‘nothing serious’ mean though?”
“It’s casual. They’ve got pretty high pressure jobs and you know how healing an orgasm can be. My dating experience here has been pretty rough and you know what they say— kill two birds with one stone and such.”
“well good for you, babe. Glad to see you’re making DC home.”
It wasn’t long after that the women stumbled out of the restaurant giggling sweetly. “Oh, you’re drunker than Cooter Brown. Come on I’ll walk back to your hotel, make sure you can actually go on this weekend.”
“Oh no, then who will walk you back? I don’t want you out here alone, how can I protect you?” Tina slurred, leaning into Y/n’s arm.
“Sweetness, you couldn’t protect a fly right now. I’ll be fine.”
“No— just stay the night. I’ve got two beds and you’ve had almost as much as me.”
“Alright, alright. Sleepover it is. Start movin’ though— my feet are killing me.”
-
“What is your deal? You’ve been glued to that window or your phone all evening.” Emily asked curiously looking over JJ’s shoulder for a sign of what she was watching.
“Nothing…” JJ shrugged tearing her gaze from her neighbor’s empty driveway.
“Yeah right, nothing my ass. Try that again.” Emily scoffed, lifting JJ’s feet onto her lap.
“It really is nothing, i was just wondering if Y/n was back for the night.”
“She’s not home yet? That’s weird, most nights she’s in bed by 9 at the latest. Didn’t she say she was having dinner with her friend tonight?” Emily mused curiously watching JJ’s features closely. JJ hummed noncommittally turning distractedly as a pair of headlights bathed the dark street. Emily eyebrows lowered together in confusion, “Jen, come on. What do you know— should we be concerned about this friend of hers?”
At the genuine concern in Emily’s voice JJ sighed and slumped against the couch sheepishly. “No, no. I’m being crazy and I have no clue why. Her ex is in town and I hadn’t anticipated her being gone all night.”
“Oh.” Emily replied (teetering between nonchalance and intrigued). “Her ex as in the one she dated for a year and a half? That’s nice of her to visit.”
“Yeah, super nice.”
“You know if i didn’t know any better— I’d say this attitude of yours is because you’re jealous…” Emily prodded, poking at the sole of JJ foot.
“What? No. I was just thinking— we never really talked about the logistics of our arrangement. And safety wise I think it might be a good idea to figure out.”
Emily peeked through the curtain herself, “Right, right. You think she’s sleeping with her?” Emily asked suddenly struggling to maintain her nonchalance.
“Well they sounded pretty chummy when she called. And she’s not home yet. And it’s not like we’re exclusive or anything. She’s a free agent.”
“That she is. Well I’m sure she’s having a good time.” Emily threw over her shoulder flippantly, eyes still trained on the street. “But you’re right, maybe we should think safety logistics. And such.”
#emily prentiss x reader#criminal minds#jennifer jareau x reader#criminal minds x reader#emily prentiss#jennifer jareau#jemily x reader#jemily#gnd series#msschemmenti
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ok well good morning i guess. let’s slay the day or whatever
#i have to finish that stupid ass project today#i entirely put it off my mind the second i left that computer lab on thursday#because at that point there was genuinely nothing i could have done until today#so now it’s today. and i have to go do it. which is annoying#it shouldn’t take more than like. three hours i’ll say#i was almost done i just have to fix the problem and then finish it and also account for slacking off time#and the tomorrow i have to do the next project#which my partner hasn’t texted me about yet. but in fairness to her i also haven’t been thinking about it so idc#beth.txt
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i just wanted to draw the ave mujica outfits .
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#nenekasa#<- i like them.#sorry i like mygo + avemuji but cant make fanart of anything im not Fucking Crazy about normally#had to touch it up digitally because i tried coloring a Pen Drawing in with Watercolor. in earnest.#Everything think the announcements gonna be a new unit. I think that would be hilarious and the worst possible timing#Given where everyone else's arcs are but the miku design looked cute so if its jsut a new game that would cheese me#My tag blabbering... what else ... im artfight slacking. my wrist hurts. course selection is next week. SCREAMS#please pray to God i do not have any 8am classes. PLEASE. my college commute takes over an hour. If i have to wake up at 6am i will k#Oh my God i have to go to the dentist tomorrow too please fucking helpme THEYRE GONAN FIDN AMILLION CAVITIES AND KILL ME. AAAAAHG.#Every time theres another proseka broadcast announced i get scared cause i have so many song covers i want in the game but.#I want to draw them first. So that if they Do get added to the game i cna go HEH... >:)....#Thats whyi did skeleton orchestra emnn and scissorhands rks. I want scissorhands in the game reallybad i love that song#3DMV EVEN PLEEEASE but also nothing can too miumes choreography from like a decade ago i wanna do a cosplay performanc eof it someday...#i ❤️ waacking.#actually the one i Really want to draw is ALSO nenekasa. record red save me. ILL DRAW IT OK
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Yeonjun about the strain he felt while preparing for his debut solo project ✙ "GGUM" MAKING FILM
#yeonjun#choi yeonjun#tomorrow x together#txt#ggum: making film#gifs#creations#userzaynab#useryeonbins#skyehi#rosieblr#megtag#hibiebear#heyiri#ultkpopnetwork#kpopccc#kpopco#this are like the rawest emotions we've seen from him... I feel... it's really sad to watch him like this#i mean I know they're under lots of pressure and stress#It's only natural when you work with so many people who you could potentially disappoint#and I know it was his choice to make this solo project happen now but i feel like the company could manage his schedule better#because why he films till 3 am and then right next day has a flight to another country for a concert...#and now we know from soobin they're super busy again#I'm worried his body will just say 'enough' one day and something bad will happen :(#and you have him work so hard and stress and then all this losers online whose biggest achievement is getting 100 likes on a post#writing the worst things about him for no reason... its not that hard to be kind and you dont need to have an opinion about everything :D#at the end of the day that celebrity you hate so much is still pretty and successful#and you're just a friendless jobless empty-headed rotten fool with likes on a post that mean nothing once you close the ap#I'm just glad all this is still fun for him and that he has such a great support system: his members family staff who care about him and us#all we can really do is support them and send them lots of love fr ;; you've done well my jjunie ily ♥
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Are you guys ever existing in your normal state and then you're suddenly overcome by the need to learn a new craft right now in this exact moment?
#Charlie Stuff#Every so often I get struck with the I NEED A NEW HOBBY urge#I've had this for pixelart and animation and knitting and new crochet stitches#And to be clear I do not!! I have a bunch of unfinished projects in all my hobbies#But all day I've been like if I don't learn to whittle in the next 5 minutes my life will END#Like brother you have work tomorrow and you have no idea where to find wood or use a knife
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Alright because I can’t decide…
#clover sprouts#polls#I keep flip flopping between what I want to do for the next big project#I should have the next Duskwood build up tonight if I stop distracting myself#or tomorrow by the latest
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turns out i turned the assignment i was stressing over into something a lot more complicated in my head & its actually really simple
#somehow mistook my far too ambitious plans as the actual assignment#:(#this is really good though bc i thought id be at this all day but if all goes well i could be done in like 2 hours#:)))#which is good bc i have 2 tests tomorrow and an assignment#none of which were put on the online platform we use#which means that i forgot#and another test i have to redo at some point#but i dont know when#aaaghhh why is there so much work always#oh and i need to work on my final project too#the current step is due by the end of next week & its a lot of work#i have to find a bunch of relevant sources#and then paste or type all relevant parts of them in a document#and also provide a defence as to why the sources i picked are trustworthy#and i have to do this for a bunch of them#i have to defend them all individually too#if it was just a text on how i judged the trustworthyness that would be fine#but this is a lot#and im also trying to prepare for the exams already#mine#im so so sick of school#i want some free time to watch a film#!!#its been at least 2 weeks since i had the time#ugh#are they trying to drive us all to burn out or something??
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Starlo but i made his eyes fuckin big and sparkly
was bored during class and decided to limit myself to one layer
took like 20 min
#north star#starlo uty#uty starlo#starlo#starlo fanart#undertale yellow starlo#undertale yellow north star#undertale yello#uty#He look… rugh#I like making things sparkle because my magpie brain likes it#After a week of no posts i post this abomination#And next week i have a shit ton of stuff to do#Im not free from work at all#I have like an entire project due tomorrow and i havent even started it#Starlo might have blue or green eyes#Idfk both boue and grone
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i emailed my boss saying he needs to talk to the people developing a satellite i’m working on (unpaid) bc they’re giving me too much work and it’s unsustainable please clap
#the whole point of doing this free development for them is to be first in line for money to do the science once it’s launched#but the launch date has been pushed back AGAIN and now it’s getting launched after my contract ends#so if i don’t get my own funding to stay at this research institute i’ll be gone before science funding for this satellite comes through#and all this free work will be for nothing#except the vague nebulous statement on my cv that i’ve worked on satellite development#anyway this project is flat broke so i doubt they’ll pay me to do the work they want#so maybe no one will do the work? not my problem frankly#anyway i told them today that i won’t be able to do work on this satellite for the next three weeks bc i have two conferences#and a paper revision deadline within the next 3 weeks that will take all my time#and they asked me to do HOURS of work TOMORROW#so that is apparently my breaking point#and they clearly don’t listen to me when i say im overloaded so maybe they will listen to my boss
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...
#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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so fucking busy the rest of the year. being alive is awesome :]
#i have 4 classes this semester and 2 of them r music relateddd i love my major#my financial aid package FINALLY PROCESSED after like 7 months lol#so i just have to figure out disbursement#i have surgery in october to have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy#and then i am gonna be out of work for 4 weeks (but still doing classes lol...)#and i have 2 more cohorts to facilitate#and a training video and some projects to pull together#and a brainstorm session tomorrow#and im going to a baseball game for work on thursday!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!#and if my finaid is as much as theyre saying it will be my rent for the rest of the year is paid#which would mean all my paychecks can go directly to#medical costs and other bills n savings#which puts me so fucking closer to moving out next year#if i play my cards right i can pay all my debts between now and march/april of next yesr#and then i will be able to fucking!!!!!!! move!!!!!!!#wait guys im emotional i had a shitty medical procedure i had to endure as part of pre op a d#literally in the last hour im back to feeling so fucking energized#ohhh my gd i love being alive please please please lef this work out#im gonna stART PLANNING W MY FRIENDS FOR A SPRING TRRIP NEXT YEAR?#AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! maybe even planning another trip w 19 bc i saw a cool cabin to stay in LMAO#just. yells. oh my gd#please please let this work out even 50% of the way of what it looks like it could be
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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semester is almost over. im dying
#my oc#rune#mori#i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing#even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED#i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately#trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day#and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom#a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere#and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man#i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH#but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week#this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail#and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont#i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i#how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project#my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that#so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work#because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it#but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO#anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again
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laying down by a brook with one hand in the water like some kind of tragic prince , , , , , ,
#my break is now over and tomorrow resumes the final hell rush before the end of the semester#well i say break but in all honesty i spent 90% of it working or being so so scared for my car#i did get a little time to clean my room finally and turn into gelatinous ooze#though now i am The Slightest Bit Scared that i have gotten too oozelike and will not be able to fully reform into a functional being#in time to deal with The Horrors#(read: two intensely busy weeks on internship as i basically take over for my mentor all day)#(on top of the big portfolio assignment that my (project) partner Still Has Not Done Anything On)#like as long as i do my part i’ll get a B in the class no matter what but#aheem heem#my gpa that i worked so hard for….. i don’t want it to disappear…….#aaaaa it’s just hard to focus when i am so so tired and really just want like 5 solid days of No Thought Just Video Games And UTAU Dev#before getting back to my own big deadlines#i am looking at this document that i could probably write in 20 minutes but my brain is just. fried meat.#or more precisely i think i can get this done in an hour but Everything Else This Week?#i think i would have an easier time chewing shoe leather than getting my brain to do it all#if it weren’t for the fact that i would Literally go broke if i did not finish all this next semester#i would be soso tempted to take another semester off#only this time for my mental health………….
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