#well i say break but in all honesty i spent 90% of it working or being so so scared for my car

[miodiodavinci]

laying down by a brook with one hand in the water like some kind of tragic prince , , , , , ,

[ranknfoul-blog]

Interlude 2 ('Thoughts and prayers')

For those of you that know me, well, hate me if you must.

I've always been 'turned off' by the phrase 'thoughts and prayers.' Hear me out here.

To me, 'thoughts and prayers' has become the ultimate throwaway cliche. I refuse to use it, I will do my best to come up with any phrase except for that (some examples: Please touch base with me to let me know you you're doing. I hope things improve for you. Have you tried (I'll put x, where x is any suggestion you think may work and hasn't been tried)?' etc. To me, 'thoughts and prayers' is only slightly less offensive than using a thumbs-up emoji as a response to a message you send in Teams (Yeah, I spent 3 hours on this thing that has nothing to do with me to find the answer you and 2 other teams were looking for, and here's the solution it took me almost as long to lay out....*thumbs up*).

I'll be the first to admit: Weight-wise, emotionally, perhaps not a significant difference. However, I take the time to think out a response. 'Thoughts and prayers' to me is just something to say when you don't really have anything to say, and/ or you don't really care how things turn out and/ or it's just an autopilot response.

Maybe that's not the case. Maybe there are 'thoughts and prayers' people out there who get emotionally invested/ upset. Maybe they think prayers will make a difference.

To me, I've seen too many people going through too many tragedies, and invariably, I find about a 90% ratio of 'thoughts and prayers' to people who suggest or offer actual solutions.

I get it. There's no solution my favorite cafeteria worker could offer or suggest that would be an actual solution to my throat cancer. But I'd rather I just get some heartfelt commiseration (I'm sorry to hear that / that sucks / fuck cancer, fuck it right in its fucking ear) than 'thoughts and prayers.' Or, I dunno, some extra tater tots. Either option would mean the world to me (love those tots), but 'thoughts and prayers' would just break my heart saying it to my face.

THAT SAID, one thing I was dreading, absolutely DREADING, was a bunch of that from my team, and my sister teams. I think I only heard it twice, and even then it was from no one I directly worked with (i.e. my team, or sister teams).

I say this with complete honesty: Once I found out the beans were spilled by my boss before we really planned the 'roll-out' of that news, 'thoughts and prayers' was a whole other level of stress I had. Can a cancer patient be selfish about something like this? I didn't want to hear that phrase. To me it was like a litmus test of people who didn't give a shit about me, and I was 99% sure I was going to hear it from 99% of everyone, and it was causing me stress.

And I only heard it once or twice. A low enough number that I didn't even note who exactly said it (for purposes of possible future passive/ aggressiveness). It was honestly an unexpected relief at a time that I didn't expect to have any emotional relief at all.

For those I haven't alienated, we'll move on to me becoming radioactive and the rest of my cancer journey.

[damonalbarn]

Hey I was wondering if you knew the article that Justine spoke about suzi in?!

It was in The Guardian in 2000. Here you go:

Sweet revenge

In the mid 90s, Justine Frischmann and Damon Albarn were the First Couple of Britpop. Then he used a Blur album to rake over their break-up, while she languished in obscurity amid rumours of heroin addiction. Now she's back with a new album, and it's her turn to exorcise her demons.

Caroline Sullivan

Friday March 24, 2000

As Alison Moyet once said, it's hard to write a decent song when you're happy. Rock bands thrive on romantic turmoil in their private lives, without which they would be reduced to padding out lyrics with football scores and the weather.

Thus it was for Blur's Damon Albarn in mid-1998 when he sat down to write what would become the 13 album. His eight-year relationship with Justine Frischmann of the chart-topping Elastica, whom he once described as **"the only person who's ever been completely necessary to me" **had just ended, at her instigation. Pained and humiliated, he decided to exact revenge by exposing their most intimate details to public scrutiny.

The outcome? Embarrassment for Frischmann, a number one album for Blur and a bit of a result for Albarn.

Break-up albums are by definition both embittered and yearning - in the case of Marvin Gaye's vindictive Here, My Dear, they're just plain nasty - but 13 got more up-close and personal than could be considered gentlemanly. Albarn portrayed his former partner as neurotic, even slipping apparent drug references into the single Tender: "Tender is the ghost, the ghost I love the most/Hiding from the sun, waiting for the night to come". Frischmann was the ghost, supposedly, who was on the verge of being consumed by what one music paper euphemistically called "the darkness at the heart of Elastica".

Frischmann's response can be found on a song called The Way I Like It, which appears on Elastica's first album in five years, The Menace (out next month): "Well, I'm living all right and I'm doing okay/Had a lover who was made of sand, and the wind blew him away".

This is unlikely to be her last word on the subject. As she ambivalently begins her first round of interviews since 1996, she's finding that everyone has the same three questions. Why did Elastica nearly sabotage a promising career by taking so long to follow up their million-selling debut? Had Frischmann taken leave of her senses when she walked out on Mr Britpop? And what about the drug rumours?

"One journalist said to me, 'Dahling, I heard you were on heroin - Mahvelous!' " she says with some amusement. "Drugs are around, but I'm not that interested and never have been, although there have been elements of party animal in my band. The rumours are a lot to do with rock'n'roll mythology, where people want to believe you're having a more exciting time than you are."

The only drugs on her person today, as she perches on the edge of an armchair in her publicist's north London living room, are Marlboro Lights. Her other indulgences are two cups of herbal tea and a Cadbury's Flake cupcake, which she nibbles with well-bred pleasure. Her dark eyes are clear, and her long, tanned body is a testament to the virtues of a daily swim in a pool near her Notting Hill home. Only Elastica know whether they really succumbed to heroin and hedonism after their self-titled debut made them more famous than they'd ever expected to be, but if they did, Frischmann, 30, seems little the worse for it.

Given the current predominance of damnable boy bands, the Britpop mid-90s are beginning to seem like a halcyon period for English music. It was a time when the underground went overground, and a self-described "little punk band" like Elastica could sell 80,000 albums in a week.

More than a few loser guitar groups saw Britpop as a licence to print money, but Elastica, led with cool elan by the androgynous Frischmann, were one of its gems. The Blur connection was a marketing godsend (Frischmann and Albarn met on the London indie circuit, she as guitarist in an early line-up of Suede and girlfriend of frontman Brett Anderson, he as a cherubic baggy hopeful), yet the spiky-haired Elastica LP embodied that euphoric time like nothing else.

Frischmann, guitarist Donna Matthews, drummer Justin Welch and bassist Annie Holland were unprepared for the album soaring to number one in its first week. When they signed their record deal, Frischmann, whose great-grandfather was a conductor of the Tsar's orchestra at the Summer Palace in Byelorussia, was five years into an architecture degree at London University. A liberal north London Jewish upbringing - her engineer father built the Oxford Street landmark Centrepoint - had instilled expectations of success, but the reality of being photographed in the supermarket and having her rubbish stolen was a shock. Fiercely independent, she also resented her unsought role as half of Britpop's First Couple.

There was more. Two of Frischmann's musical heroes, The Stranglers and Wire, decided that two Elastica songs were suspiciously similar to two of their own tracks, and won royalties. Meanwhile, there were malicious rumours that Albarn had done much of the work on the record. He hadn't, but he did find Justine's success in America, where she was substantially out-selling Blur, hard to endure.

"It was very hard for him to deal with and he's very confrontational," she says, with the flattering openness of someone who prefers interviews to be more like conversations. She admits she often says too much, but in an era of image control and spin, her honesty makes her a one-off. Not that she's likely to land herself in it too badly - she possesses the intellectual ammunition to look after herself, which must have been instrumental in attracting two of rock's more articulate stars, Albarn and Anderson.

She's been accused of being a professional rock girlfriend, though it was probably they who were lucky to get her. She spent the cab ride over reading the Sylvia Plath letters in Monday's Guardian, and muses on the irony of the poet's subjugating herself to Ted Hughes when she was the more gifted. (Her new boyfriend, by the way, is an unknown photographer, "though that'll probably change, because men seem to get famous when I go out with them".)

"I reacted the way a lot of women do, by being passive," she continues. "He put a lot of pressure on me to give up Elastica. He said, 'You don't want to be in a band, you want to settle down and have kids.' " In so many words? "In so many words. He kept putting on pressure till I started to believe him." She adds bemusedly: "I've met his new girlfriend, and one of the first things she said was that he wanted her to give up travelling with her work to stay home with the baby [Missy, born last autumn]. I'm surprised he's got away with being thought of as a nice person for so long."

After 18 months, during which they did seven American and three Japanese tours, Elastica came off the road to record company demands for an immediate second album. Annie Holland's response was to quit the group, while Donna Matthews became renowned for hard partying on the nocturnal west London scene. They lethargically recorded some demos, but their heart wasn't in it. By 1997, when a second album should have been ready to go, Frischmann and Matthews were barely speaking, and there was nothing useable down on tape.

Holland's replacement, Sheila Chipperfield (of the circus Chipperfields), was deemed not good enough and left by mutual consent. By 1998, their continued lack of productivity was being likened to the Stone Roses' lengthy and ultimately self-destructive holiday between their first and second LPs.

"I didn't think Elastica were going to continue at that point, and we did kinda split up," she says, absently stroking her publicist's cat. Frischmann is a cat person; she's owned a tabby called Benjamin since she was 10. "Unconditional love," she coos. The pet's place in her life is so assured that prospective boyfriends are subjected to his feline scrutiny before she'll go out with them.

On top of everything else, in early 1998 her relationship with Albarn was in trouble. Frischmann retains enough of the indie ethic to detest the phenomenon of celebrity couples, and was dismayed when they became one. "I really hated the tabloid interest, and I went out of my way not to be photographed with him. Only about three pictures of us together exist, I think. In many ways, I think the media interest broke us up, because it made me feel the relationship was quite ugly, and I had to get away from it. There were other factors, too, obviously, because we were together for eight years, and I finally felt it was better the devil you didn't know, really."

Albarn's ego seems to have been severely undermined by having a girlfriend who was nearly as successful as he was, and something of a sex symbol to boot. Despite adopting a resolutely boyish T-shirt-and-jeans uniform, she's thoroughly feminine, a mix that got her voted fifth most fanciable woman in a lesbian magazine.

"I'm completely heterosexual, so I didn't know how to take that. It scares the shit out of me, the idea of being with a girl. I'm glad I've narrowed it down to half the people in the world."

She seems to view Albarn with indulgent exasperation these days, simultaneously praising his intelligence ("The Gallaghers just couldn't compete") and ticking off his flaws. "Damon adores being in the press, and sees all press as good press. He orchestrated that rivalry thing with Oasis. He really wanted kids, and I didn't feel our relationship was stable enough. He was a naughty boy, and he wasn't the right person to have kids with. I had this cathartic moment..."

At which point they split up. Albarn wrote 13 and then met Suzi Winstanley, an artist. "She was pregnant within three months," Justine observes wickedly.

Of the acclaimed 13, she's tactful, describing several songs as "really lovely". She studies her cigarette for a while before adding, "but I'm cynical about selling a record on the back of our relationship". But you're doing the same now. "It's true, but at the time I had no right of reply."

Elastica finally pulled themselves together last year, just as the music industry was about to write them off (their American label had already "very kindly let us go", as she puts it). Holland rejoined, Matthews went to Wales to sort out her life and the band banged out an EP and played the Reading Festival. Things came together quickly after that. They spent the last £10,000 of the recording budget on re-recording a dozen tracks, finishing the album, after years of procrastinating, in six weeks. They've called it The Menace "because that's what it was like to make".

It's dark and resolutely uncommercial - all wrong for 2000's pop-oriented climate. It's unlikely to match the success of the first one, which is fine with them. Call it (though Justine doesn't) their White Album. Its 70s punk aesthetic brings to mind angry girls such as the Slits and the Au Pairs, although the defining mood isn't anger so much as catharsis. None of the songs is specifically about Albarn, she claims. "The dark feeling is due to the sense of isolation, tasting success and getting frightened by it. I was questioning whether I wanted to be in a band any more, and there was no one I could ask for advice. Getting success and everything you ever dreamed about is hard to handle, and makes you question everything."

She's better prepared for success, if it comes again, this time. Already the privacy-preserving barriers are in place. The next interview of the day is with Time Out magazine, which wants a list of her favourite restaurants. "I'm not telling them where I eat," she says reflexively. "I'm gonna lie."

[catastrophe-at-sixteen]

strawberries and cigarettes (m)

Jungkook x reader

“For a biology project, you and your class are going on a field trip to collect evidence for your hypothesis. It is all going well until the dark haired nuisance called Jeon Jungkook decides to piss you off.”

Also - a nerd. The resident bad boy. The police. Annoying friends. A loose psycho killer. What could go wrong?

This is my first time ever uploading any fics !! im super nervous haha - i'll probably post a little of each one and see how it goes !!

Jungkook x reader.

This is your classic enemies to lovers but with a slight little twist!

This is set in the 80s/90s and is your typical bad boy/nerd girl trope- but , there is a killer on the loose. I mean this is kind of based on jack the ripper (serial killer) and my teenage fantasies of falling for bad boy jungkook. I hope you’ll give it a go and tell me what you think !!! <3

Tw : cursing, killings, descriptions of death and psychopaths, masturbation , making out, smut.

WC : 11K

also a big massive thank you to @ggukkiereads for helping me gain the confidence to write and dedicate time to finishing this ! ik its been a while since we spoke but much love to u angel <3 may u always have the best !

Begrudgingly the students lag off the bus at 10pm, finally having reached their destination.

Tired and sore from their journey the teachers find no trouble in distributing bedrooms for everyone.

When your name is called out along with Tiffany you internally groan - great you think one of the most plastic girls in the school all to myself.

You grimace but make no argument as you could have gotten worse you suppose.

As you grab your belongings and ignore her protests that she doesn't want to room with a loser like you, a dark clad figure pushes past you, almost tripping you over.

Angrily you shout

"Watch where you're going you prick"!

Yet he doesn't so much look in your direction.

Under the dim moonlight you can faintly make out the low blunt of a cigarette in a tattoo clad hand - so it was the infamous Jungkook.

Honestly you didn't understand why all the girls fawned over him when he was just a rude and ignorant asshole. Sure, he had a pretty face but no good soul to match.

Calming yourself, as it was unlikely that you'd ever receive an apology from the school rebel you just head to your new room.

The school had organised a biology trip so that you could gather authentic evidence on the correlation of birds and wood growth in a certain designated area and honestly you were excited- not having enough expenses to get out of town when you were younger meant that this was a treat for you and paired with you being a biology major your inner geek was surfacing pretty quickly.

You move into your room and begin unpacking your things ignoring the chatter coming from your new roommates.

You set everything nicely, precisely -just to your liking. Maybe some would call you fussy, but you like to think of yourself as organised and classy.

You don’t have many thoughts that night as you lay down for bed, but you do hear the news playing in the background.

" a killing has not been sighted for a time breaking the pattern of the 1-week intervals in which they have been happening, but police still advise to remain on high alert at all times. "

You shudder as you think about it, a killer on the loose in the country and everyone powerless to stop him.

He fed of the insecurities of people, the fear of not being safe. He did a damn well good job at it as well.

You look outside and see the police on night duty setting up, the country while terrified also was reluctant to admit the threat and instead of protecting you properly they had merely sent police force units as glorified bodyguards to ' keep you safe '.

You sigh, as you climb under your covers those problems seem like a long way away from you as you drift off with an empty mind.

It was morning, the sun was shining brightly through the windows giving an orange glow to the room.

You were up before your roommates, had brushed your teeth and were already preparing for your project.

You had to do well, you were depending on a scholarship for university, your family could simply not afford it otherwise.

When your first signs of morning hunger begin to strike you venture outside your room in order to satiate yourself. You find that it’s still quiet only a few students up like yourself, you find a coffee machine and immediately begin to make one for yourself.

“While you're at it could you make one for me too".

a deep voice drawls out.

You almost jump out of your skin at the sound his voice breaking the silence you had been enjoying. Jeon Jungkook.

You scowl at him, choosing to ignore him carrying on making your own cup.

He whistles under his breath.

“wow, edgy or a bitch? I can’t decide".

He taunts you.

You roll your eyes at him and sigh in annoyance, his eyebrows raise at this.

“you’re clearly not a morning person".

He speaks.

You mutter under your breath.

" or maybe I’m just not a YOU person, not everyone lives to be nice to you. "

He lifts his hands up in a mock surrender.

“Okay, okay I get it it's a bad time for you jeez.... I suppose I'll have to make my own coffee".

He moves closer to you, totally invading your personal space, clearly, he had never heard of a personal bubble! You scowl and try to move away but he’s faster and is hovering over you before you know it. He looks down at you with those pretty dark eyes.

They’re so gorgeous.

Not that it matters to you because he is still an asshole, and he still ruined your morning.

“get out of my face Jeon Jungkook".

You say between clenched teeth.

You’re not some sort of pushover.

Yes, you're clever, as society classes a nerd but you're not one to let people walk all over you.

If he’s shocked, he doesn’t let on, just hums and lets you walk away, which you do, a little aggressively. You got back to your room and let out a sound of annoyance, the girls are still sleeping.

You sigh.

This was going to be a long trip.

After an uneventful morning, the wait was over and finally the teachers had called you to gather in the common area. Much to your dismay however there would be no actual data collecting until the police had secured the area, which meant that your whole day was pretty much wasted. The other students were chatting and gossiping and being idiots as per usual.

It’s not that you thought you were better than them, it's just that they were so mundane, so lifeless. They were just living on with no sense of direction. You suppose that's what you get for attending a school for rich kids though.

You could never fit in.

So, you never tried. People took pity on you every now and then offered you a smile. You smiled back but that was it. Your thoughts are running and to clear your head you decide to go outside for a little breather.

There isn’t much, just a few abandoned train tracks that seemingly lead into nowhere, a few broken fences and lots of grass. Not much time after this you head to bed.

Finally, the day had arrived, you could collect your samples.

You are so glad that it’s an individual project because you honestly cannot even imagine working with one of those air heads.

You shudder at the memory of having to work with Taehyung last semester for a chemistry practical.

You had to basically pull all the weight for your grade.

So, you get on working your way through your work and proving or disproving your hypothesis.

You’re pleased at the work that you completed. Not entirely satisfied but satisfied enough, for now.

You let out a stiff yawn, you need to stretch and need a little fresh air since you had spent the last few hours writing up your data and making graphs to compliment them.

You forgo your jacket since the weather isn’t so bad.

It’s nice.

When you go outside there are quite a few students already there, goofing around. There is also a pretty scenery, that in all honesty you had not appreciated until right now.

“Wow" you mutter under your breath.

Maybe I should try living outside my own head sometimes.

You spot some students surrounding a police officer and the curiosity gets the better of you and your soon wandering around the outskirts of their conversation.

Alas, it was merely a fruitless conversation. The police officer telling the other about his escapades and how they will be good in hands.

You lose yourself to your own thoughts again and look at the scenery. Until a little scuffle, breaks you out of your thoughts.

“What was that? There was a movement down there!! “

A boy called Josh calls out.

The police officer had also noticed it, then a sound of a gunshot sounds through the air.

The police officers curse and begin to get ready to scout the area. They want you all to go away, be safe inside but you’re all young adults- you want to see what’s going on.

Everyone gathers, watching the officers.

You scan the area; you spot the balcony that looks over the area just in front of the cabins.

Perfect you think that’s the perfect spot to see what’s going on.

So, you begin to climb up the steps to that room, when you get there, you can see everything.

You see a dead dog, a dead bird and the gun which had killed them laid out to where the officers were heading.

Fear grips your heart; your heartbeat is erratic. You think you see the shape of figure retreating into the distance but before you can look again, you feel the ground give way under you.

You let out a shriek, feeling yourself falling.

Is this truly how my life end you wonder I didn’t even get to complete my PhD?

Yet, instead of the hard fall that your body had been anticipating; your landing is softer and lets out a low grunt.

You're sure you're dead and have entered heaven.

Slowly you register a warm feeling under your legs and a secure one at your waist.

oh, this feels nice.

you think, eyes still closed until you hear some chaos in the distance.

what's happening?

Why is heaven so noisy? Are they partying because I’ve arrived? Was I actually an angel all this time am I coming home?

Ah you think this must be the angels- I knew all those days spent doing charity would help me.

You open your eyes and you’re met with bambi eyes staring back at you.

Slowly you begin to piece the rest of your angel together.

“Jeon Jungkook? “

You try and raise your voice to compliment your surprise, but it comes out in a more whisper.

“But this, Jungkook, you were an angel all this time? “you say.

His eyebrows knot together in confusion.

“What are you talking about strawberry?”

You gasp.

"Do we all get code names in heaven? You’re a pretty angel Jungkook. “

Then your eyes zero in on the scar on his cheek.

“Aren’t Angel’s supposed to be blemish free? Is that? Are you fallen? Wait.... for me? Are you my angel Jungkook? “

His eyes, which had previously shown confusion are now coloured with amusement.

“You talk a lot don’t you my little strawberry”.

You vaguely hear the sounds behind you before you begin to feel drowsy and fall limp the arms of your unexpected angel.

Jungkook was, of course no angel, your delirious ass was just doing and saying delirious things. You were going to be mortified when you woke up.

When you come to your room in a dark room, tucked into a warm bed. Your headaches aches as if someone is using a sledgehammer to hit it every second.

‘Agh’ you let out a pained groan.

What even happened? you wonder in your head.

You move quickly, getting out of bed ignoring your protesting limbs.  You almost reach the doors until a pair of arms trap you.

‘woah woah where do you think you're going?’

You let out a scream, completely startled. A hand comes to cover your mouth.

‘man, you really do have a set of lungs, don’t you? ‘

You stop struggling in his embrace to match his voice to a face. Its familiar.

‘Jeon Jungkook?’ you let a little unsure and panic still evident in your voice.

‘your one and only’

You frown.

‘mine?’

He smirks at you,

‘that's right yours strawberry’.

You shake your head.

‘are you smoking something? Are you high right now?’

He pouts a little then, it changes his look completely. He looks a little cute.

‘you don't remember? ‘ he cocks his head to the side and points to himself. ‘I'm your angel’.

You scoff.

‘Please in what world are YOU an angel? You're far from it’.

Then it all comes back to you.

Jungkook watches as the realisation begins to show on your face.

‘Oh my god I had a concussion, you cannot be serious right now ‘

He chuckles.

'The words still came out of your mouth' Jungkook counters, he leans closer to you, his face way to close for your liking.

You feel your face grow warm from his proximity, but you don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

You scoff and push him away.

‘You're insane’.

He accepts the distance you've placed between the two of you and he chooses to smirk at you from where he is standing.

‘And you're crazy for me’.

You let out an incredulous laugh, not believing him.

‘Oh, my lord, please shut up for the sake of my sanity’.

He chuckles at your flustered state and you scramble your brain to find a change of subject.

‘okay whatever now just excuse me because I need to go back to my room’.

You move to begin walking to the door, but his voice halts your movements.

‘This is your room now’.

You whip around to face him.

‘What?! Ha as if Jeon, why would they room us together- were supposed to separate for the opposite genders- which I totally get when you're involved’ you say disbelief painting your voice. You whisper the last part though.

He puts his hands into his pockets and shrugs.

‘Protection?’

You set him a hard stare.

‘Save your lame ass men superiority talks for someone else i am having a severe case of I'm not interested’.

Why the hell would you need Jungkook for protection, it reeks of patriarchy and you hate it.

He shrugs.

‘Listen princess I don't know why either really to be honest but I'm not complaining-’

You don't bother entertaining him for much longer.

This can't be true. You cannot be paired into a room with him. He cannot be your new roommate - heck now tiffany doesn't seem so bad. Flirting asshole, you mutter under your breath as you begin searching for your teacher.

You only learn a bitter truth, due to the collapsing of the room you had to be relocated into another room and the only person without a roommate was Jungkook. They ‘trusted’ you enough that you would be able to handle it and not to do anything you were not supposed to.

‘We trust you, y/n’ was what she had told you.

You spend your time cursing out both her and Jungkook as you gather your belongings to move into your new room.

You're so caught up in your own thoughts that you don't notice a foot that comes out to trip you.

You look up and see the faces of three stupid bitches.

Tiffany Jessica and Irene.

They seemed to consider themselves above everybody else, though you've no idea why. Aside from flawless looks they seemed to live pretty empty life in your eyes. They were living definitions of empty shells walking around.

You get up quietly from the ground, you'll gain nothing from engaging with them, maybe you'd lose a few brainless. You just want to go back and rest - your head is killing you.

But to your disappointment they begin to talk.

‘Well, well well, if it isn't the school's new slut moving into MY boyfriend's room’.

You have to let a little laugh at this. This one is seriously deluded. Jungkook didn't do relationships you knew that. Everybody knew that. They had hooked up about 3 months ago and even though he does his best to ignore her she still insists that he is her boyfriend. It's just pathetic and a bit sad you suppose. Her obvious attraction to him which he just does not reciprocate.

She becomes enraged at your actions.

‘listen here you little bitch you better not even think of starting anything with my man-’ she spits out at you.

You snap back then, unable to hold your tongue.

‘I am not a slut, and I will not go after your man- which fyi  he is not. He is a human and he doesn’t belong to you he never has’

She grows red at your words.

‘you little piece of shit-’

She raises her hand but just then a voice interrupts her and she halts her actions.

‘well if it isn't my new roomie, l’ll take that from you strawberry’ Jungkook says, too cheery for your liking, your still contemplating hitting Jessica.

Jessica begins speaking up, but he ignores her turning to you.

Your mouth almost drops open at his dismissal of Jessica but then again, she is annoying, and he cannot be immune to that.

‘Jungkoooook’ she whines when he doesn’t respond to her the first time.

He still doesn’t entertain her.

He moves to take your things from you, but she speaks again, latching onto his arm.

‘just leave her -cshe's just an annoying stuck-up bitch’.

He responds to this under his breath laughing.

‘reminds me of someone ’

She doesn't understand his comment.

‘huh?’ she says almost comically.

‘who baby?’ she pouts at him ‘my poor baby having to deal with such people, just leave with me and we can-’

‘no’ he sets her with a hard stare.

It's like she has forgotten that you're there, so you decide to use this to your advantage, letting Jungkook deal with them. You move to get your suitcase, but a hand stops yours. Its Jungkook.

‘I don’t think so strawberry - I'll be getting those for you’.

You turn to look at him scowl adorning your features.

‘I don’t need your help Jeon’.

He smirks at you.

‘no no - I insist’.

He dismisses Jessica with a wave of his hand and begins to walk away your suitcase in his hand, which prompts you to follow along.

‘What. Was. That. Jungkook?!’ you say when the door closes, you’re fuming because he had made it seem as though you were dating or doing things together which meant that they would keep bothering you, which is just something that you don’t want.

He turns around to face you.

‘oh, don’t get your panties in such a twist, I just needed to get the fuck away from her’.

He sounds angry and this is the Jungkook that you are more accustomed to. Not the flirty one you have been seeing. Hopefully he had given up on whatever he was trying to achieve with that. He was a rude asshole who was just to used to seeing things come out in his favour.

‘excuse me, you just fuelled her whack ass thoughts and next time don’t use me as your escape route’ you say matching his hostile tone.

‘oh, don’t be such a priss, it saved you as much as it saved me’.

An exasperated noise escapes your throat.

‘well maybe you should have kept it in your pants lover boy’.

He sets you with a hard stare.

‘oh, shut up - you don’t know me’ he grits out.

You cock your head to the side much like he had done to you earlier in the day.

‘hmmm I think I know you pretty well Jungkook, you're not as unreadable as you like to think, Jeon Jungkook the infamous bad boy who uses girls to fuel his ego and is used by girls to fuel their own ego and status quo among their own stupid--’

You do not get to finish you sentence however because you're harshly being pinned to the door. His grip on you is hard and it stings but you meet his gaze.

‘shut the fuck up y/n’ the tone of his voice is almost carnal, animal like.

You seriously had hit a nerve.

‘I go beyond your perceptions of me- you little miss goody two shoes’.

You spit back in his face.

‘I've yet to see you act more like a crazed rabbit Jungkook and to be honest I don’t plan on finding out the depths of your character either. I don’t fucking care about you’.

You push him aside and move to unpack your suitcase.

He mutters something under his breath that you can't hear, and he walks out slamming the door behind him.

‘well, that was fun’ you say and begin to take out your notes and books that you will need through the day.

When you wake up the next you feel like you’ve been hit by a ton of bricks. The painkillers had given you the illusion that you were okay. You look a mess, you're tired, you cannot believe that this happened.  You had been looking forward to this for so long, they had told you that another student would be collecting your data. Your new roommate. Jeon Jungkook. He was going to be collecting your data.

This is preposterous! He would probably sabotage you on purpose! This cannot happen, but they wouldn’t budge from their choice. You huff as you look out of the window, where you could be collecting your data along with the other students. Darn you and your curiosity.

They always did say didn’t they- that curiosity killed the cat.

Your walking around the room, pacing- that’s how bored you are. You had reorganised your things 3 times and colour coded all you notes, redrew your graphs, you had done everything that you thought would keep you busy but here you are sitting with nothing to do.  You look around the room see Jungkook's things laying on the ground.

You sigh into the empty room again and just lay down waiting for them to come back. You end up falling asleep.

You're stirred from your sleep, quite rudely by a book being thrown at the foot of your bed. You sit up, still groggy and look at Jungkook.

‘what the hell man’

He stares at you blankly.

‘There's your work priss’

You're not bothered by his hostile tone instead open the book and seeing what he had done, or you suppose looking at it what he had not done. The more you look at the work the more the frown on your face deepens.

‘what the hell is this Jungkook?’

He looks up at you annoyed.

‘the work? Thought you were meant to be a genius?’

You scowl at him.

‘this Jungkook? Is unacceptable a nursery kid could do way better than this !’

He rolls his eyes at you.

‘and? That’s what you're going to get priss so deal with it’.

You make an exasperated sigh.

‘you've used the wrong measurement and everything Jungkook’.

‘look - I don’t care. I didn’t want to do this for you anyway’.

‘like I wanted YOU to do it for me’.

You sigh,

You keep bumping into him everywhere, you know he is your roommate but he is always there at the cafeteria taking the last donut which you had been craving pushing in line, making unnecessary comments and he makes the room so messy!

It’s the same thing for the next few outings, Jungkook comes with the same half assed versions of the data you need.

You try, you really you try so hard to use the data sets he provided but its no use. They're absolutely useless, so you decide to take matters into your own hands.

Your going to sneak out early in the morning, you have to sneak past the guards which as you’ve gathered won't be as hard as one may think because they are not good or much invested in their job anyway.

You prepare yourself and head to set out in the morning. You quietly get up so as not to disturb or wake Jungkook. If he sees you, you know that there will be trouble.

You throw on a hoodie and grab a notebook, a pen and your watch. You have to be back before anyone can notice that you're gone.  You steel yourself one last time, giving yourself a pep talk and sneak out. You hold your breath as you walk past the room of your supervisor and out the back door of the cabins.

This isn't so bad you think. Once you're out of sight of the guards and you think your safe, you let out a sigh of relief and do a little shimmy out of your happiness. You are so pleased and proud of yourself. What you didn’t know that behind you, watching your every move was a boy covered in tattoos with a cigarette in his hand watching you with an amused face.

Jungkook was, not as you thought asleep when you had snuck out. He was also outside, leaning on the side of the building a cigarette in his hand, he couldn’t sleep that night, it happened to him on most nights so he routinely wakes up to have a smoke. On this particular day there is not the usual eerie morning silence that he is used to, but a few grunts and hisses to accompany it. He furrows his brows.

Is that? He thinks y/n!?!?!?!?!?

No way he thinks what the hell is she up to?

Then he catches sight of your notebook and pen.

'Oh, what a nerd' he mutters under his breath. Then he smirks.

He can totally use this to his advantage.

He stubs his cigarette, pulls his hoodie over his head and follows you.

Your heart is still racing you honestly cannot believe that you. l/n f/n are doing this.

‘What a badass’ you say into the silence.

‘Badass? Sneaking out to do bloody work is your idea of badass?’ a voice speaks up behind you.

You shriek startled and are met with Jungkook.

Why is it always him?

‘what in the bloody tarnation's.... are you trying to kill me Jungkook?!’ you say putting your hand on your heart.

He grins pleased at the reaction he had elicited from you.

He cocks his head to the side.

‘what the hell are you doing here ?!’ you hiss at him.

‘could ask you the same thing strawberry’ he replies.

You look at him.

You were so sure that you had been quiet, how could he be here to ruin everything.

‘you do realise that I actually have name, and it's not strawberry’ you say to him.

He shrugs.

‘Yeah but you always smell like them’.

You scoff;

‘and you always reek of cigarettes.’

He frowns but then asks you again.

‘what are you doing here?’

You think of excuses,

‘I'm - I'm on a walk’ you say.

He lifts his eyebrow up.

‘a walk?’

You nod.

‘that's right for my daily exercise its been a pain to be stuck indoors’.

He snorts.

‘you're on a walk with your graph paper pad and pencil case?’

You curse inside your head.

‘yeah I am a nerd after all’ you say, hoping and praying that he’ll just let you go on your way.

He doesn’t

‘I don’t know, you look awfully suspicious to me, do tell why you're heading to the sight of our data collection points when the trail track is in the opposite direction?’ he says.

You rack your brains for an answer.

‘well, I like an adventure’ you say, standing straight.

‘oh, is that so?’ he says laughter infiltrating his tone.

‘yes’, you say meeting his eyes.

‘hmm’ he says ‘I don’t believe you’ he says.

‘do you wanna know what I think?’ he continues.

He takes one step closer to you.

‘I think that our resident miss goody two shoes is sneaking off when told specifically that she can't’ his gaze burns into yours

You feel yourself going red out of embarrassment.

‘I literally have no idea what you're talking about Jungkook' you say breathless.

He leans closer and you can feel his body heat, he continues to bore his eyes into your own and you almost fall into his gaze until you feel your book being snatched out of your hand.

‘HEY!’ you say reaching for it.

But he holds it higher than himself, opens it to the last written on page.

‘new data collection points’ he reads out ‘and oh would you look at that ! It has todays dates written on it’ he says looking down at you with a squint in his eyes.

You huff.

‘well obviously I had to do this because how on earth could I let your lame ass results and data reading be used for my final piece – I'm not looking to fail’ you say venom laced in every word.

He scowls at you.

‘there was nothing wrong with my results princess’ he grits out.

‘oh, please save it’ you snap back ‘you didn’t even use the same measurements – your hopeless’.

‘well, if I'm so fucking useless you should do my work for me’ he says.

You set him a level stare.

‘what?’

‘you heard me’ he says with a roll of his eyes.

‘and why in the hell would I do that? I don’t care if you fail Jungkook, heck I don’t care if you get kicked out’ you tell him.

He shakes his head.

‘well, I mean I could go back right now and tell Miss Taylor-’ he begins.

You narrow your eyes at him.

‘You wouldn’t dare’.

He holds a staring contest with you.

‘oh, wouldn’t I?’ he says.

You both hold each other's gazes before you give in.

You cannot believe the audacity of this asshole.

‘fine whatever asshole’ you say folding your arms and turning around.

He grins in victory and places your notebook back into your hands.

‘chop chop partner get to it’ he says.

You glare at him.

‘partners pull equal weight Jungkook ‘

He rolls his eyes.

‘I don’t really care – you just need to get a move on’.

You turn around no longer wanting to deal with his annoying ass.

You make it forward a few steps before you stop and turn around.

‘why are you following me?’  you ask him.

He rolls his eyes at your apparent dumbness.

‘well smartass, there is a killer on the loose if you didn’t know’.

You freeze up for a second,

Shit

You had almost forgotten. You don’t let him see that you're scared.

‘and? ‘ you say feigning composure.

‘what the hell are you going to do if he pops out of the woods anyway?’

He shrugs.

‘I dunno actually a lot more than you could do anyway’

You stare at him.

‘I could be a black belt in karate for all you know’.

He laughs.

‘okay princess whatever - I just need to make sure that you're not going to fuck this up’.

So, you turn going to the place you need to, to collect your data pieces.

With having to do Jungkook's work as well, it takes a lot longer to complete than you would have liked.

He is surprisingly bearable in the mornings that you both sneak off though. He doesn’t say much. Just watches you – pretends he isn't though.

You catch him once. Its been about 2 weeks since you started this godawful task, and Jungkook's notes and work were in dire need of help so its taking you time. This time however you meet his gaze before he is able to pull away.

You cock your head to the side.

‘what are you staring at?’ you say placing your hands on your hips.

He says something inaudible under his breath.

‘what was that?’

He snaps at you.

‘do you think you have tie to stand around making idle talk with me? The work ain’t going to do itself princess.’

You huff in annoyance.

How dare he! This was just plain wrong anyway I should not even be doing this, but you knew it was the only way. You couldn't risk getting caught and with Jungkook you wouldn't be surprised if he really did rat you out you to all the teachers. And if he did well, you wouldn’t be receiving a very good reference.

It was during an early morning that you hear Jungkook walk off into the distance. Probably to smoke, such a bad habit you tsk.

But you're also done for the day – so you begin to head back on your own.

You feel the grass brush against your feet as you walk back. You’re humming along to that song that was always on the radio, when you hear it. A little whimper - then a cry. You know that you shouldn’t go to look, you know that you're paying for your curiosity already and you don’t need another thing to happen, but you just cannot help yourself!

You follow the sound, going on a detour from the track.

You do consider yourself somewhat of a badass but a serial killer? Yeah, they kinda scare the shit out of you. You hold your breath and walk as quietly and slowly as you can. You hear the whimper again to your left but its deeper into the woods.

As you walk closer you see a pool of blood - your eyes widen, and your heartbeat becomes erratic.

‘what the fuck?’ you whisper into the silence.

You walk closer to the body of the animal and you can feel your knees grow a little weak you can see a white paper which has been tainted red with the blood of the animal that was killed.

You gasp, taking it up in your hands. Your hands also become stained with the redness.

It's in Morse code.

-.-- --- ..- / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. -. .----. - / -... . / .-- .- -. -.. . .-. .. -. --. / --- ..- - / .- .-.. --- -. .

(YOU SHOULDN'T BE WANDERING OUT ALONE)

You look at it for a while and rack your brains to be able to translate it but no such look. Your mind is busy running at 100miles per hour. As you try and clear your head and look at the note one more time, but a noise in the distance pulls you way from any semblance of concentration that you could have obtained.

You frantically look around trying to locate where the sound had come from. Your senses are all on a high right now. You shove the piece of paper into your pocket and begin to go back the way that you came. After the first few steps you begin running your head running wild with the idea of being found dead in ditch. Your nearly at the main path which you had strayed from. You make it onto the path, and you bend over catching your breath when two arms encircle you from behind.

You let out a scream.

A hand is placed over your mouth.

‘shut the fuck up y/n’.

You recognise THAT voice. Its Jeon Jungkook. Why is this motherfucker always trying to scare you? Your turn around and hit him on the chest,

‘what the actual hell Jeon, you gave me a bloody heat attack and a half’.

He doesn’t respond. He is looking at you, his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes have a glint of anger. He is furious.

‘where the fuck did you go y/n?’ he says, he holds your wrist stopping you from hitting him again.

He holds it in the air holding your gaze.

‘I was.... walking back’ you didn't want him to know what you had found. He would probably tell you it was a bad idea to even translate it. Which it was, but what is life if not for taking risks?

You yank your hand from his grasp.

He looks at you an unreadable expression on his face.

“you’re a fucking liar “he says.

You scoff.

“oh please, what’s it to you anyway jungkook, you left me first “

He doesn’t say anything, but observes you, trying to look for signs of what you’re hiding.

He had found one too, a dead animal and a note written in Morse.

But he could read it and he knew he was in trouble

“Be careful, or your little girlfriend may be snatched from right under your arms “

He swore under his breath as he read it and immediately began to make his way back to you.

“strawberry?” he calls out but you’re not there.

You’re not there and he hates the feeling of dread that sits in his stomach.

He runs back the way you came, but he still finds no trace of you

“fucking hell where did she go?”

He almost gives up and is going to tell the police when you appear before him, out of breath and you look terrified.

He knows you’re lying, if you were where, you said you were, he would have seen you.

He narrows his eyes at you again.

“I left for two seconds and you ran off. Where the fuck did you go? “

He asks, he wants you tell him, needs you to, he’s overcome with this sense to protect you but you don’t trust him. He needs to change that.

He lets you believe that you have him fooled, that he believes your story and he begins to walk back to the cabins right before the call for breakfast is sounded. You follow after him breathing in a sigh of relief that he had believed you.

That night you find it difficult to sleep. You need to find out the meaning of the Morse code, but you don't have access to a book that will help you translate, meaning that you will have to ask around without looking too suspicious.

You decide that a police officer would do nicely, if you seem overly invested in their job, they would just give you the information.

You spot the officer who looks younger than most, you remember his name.

Park Jimin.

You approach him cautiously.

“Officer park?”

He turns around to face you, smiling softly.

Oh, he’s cute you think.

“yes miss?”

You smile at him warmly.

“nothing serious it’s just that I was wondering if you would like some company, it must be a little boring for you out here on your own “

You say to him and you’re glad you asked him because either way his face breaks out into a smile that has your heart fluttering.

“how very kind of you miss! And yes, a little company wouldn't hurt “, he grins at you.

As you strike up conversation, with the officer you fail to notice a figure dressed in black listening in on your conversation. Jungkook listens in as you try and get information out of officer. He knew it. You had also come across the same note, as he had. He wonders what yours said.

He leaves after a bit, leaving both of you oblivious to the fact that he was even there in the first place.

When you get back to your room, you see Jungkook sitting at the foot of his bed frown on his face.

You ignore him and write down the information you'd just got given by Officer Park. You felt a little bad manipulating him when he was so nice but you just had to know what it meant.

Jungkook speaks up.

“that was a nice conversation you were having with Officer Park “

He says,

You whip you’re head up to look at him and closing your notebook harshly.

“What? Were you eavesdropping on my conversation?”

He rolls his eyes

“Why would I be listening to the conservation of the school nerd with a cop? No, I just happened to hear in passing “

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding.

“That’s mighty rude of y-" you begin to retort before he cuts you off

“what’s a biology nerd like you need with Morse code?” He asks.

Your mind malfunctions for a moment until you bring yourself back together.

“A little extra knowledge hurts no one you know?” you say appearing nonchalant.

He narrows his eyes

“I know it”

You look at him

“you do?”

He nods,

“why need something translating?” he tries.

You think about it, but ultimately decided against showing him the note you found.

You have no clue what it says. You don’t want him understanding before you do.

You shake your head,

“No, I don’t “

You say, deciding enough is enough and you need to sleep now to be up in the morning.

The next morning you sleep in, meaning that you couldn’t do the work that was set out for you. You stretch and moan as you get out of bed when you sit up and open your eyes fully your locks onto the Bambi ones from across the room. You let out a shriek!

‘What the hell why were you watching me you creeper!’ you say pointing a finger at Jungkook.

He rolls his eyes at you.

‘oh, please don’t flatter yourself’.

‘why didn’t you wake me up? Its so late !’ you question him.

He looks at you and says words that you don’t think that you would hear.

‘I think that we should lay off for a bit strawberry’

You look at him in shock

‘but why!?’

He doesn’t really give you much of an answer in his usual Jungkook manner.

You sigh.

Over the next few weeks, you rarely bump into Jungkook, you see him sometimes in the cafeteria and you can always feel him just watching you it makes you grow warm when you notice his staring.

Jungkook is also going crazy. You drive him crazy.

You guess that you'll have to work at the same pace as everyone, truthfully you had actually caught up with your work that was missed a while ago, you were just doing extra readings to stay ahead. One step ahead of everyone. But you guess that that is going to be changed now.

It had been a while since you had been on your morning trips with jungkook and though you hate to admit it, you kind of missed it.

He wasn't as bad company as you thought he would be, he was oddly quiet which meant that without him talking as much, you really got to admire his beauty. And good lord was he handsome, you understand why people are attracted to him, when his mouth is closed, he’s fine. Basically, you became a little horny when you saw him, it had been ages since you had had sex even masturbated, since you now had room with him.

Jungkook has such strong sharp features which sometimes go all soft, if he pouts while he’s thinking or a bird catches his attention, his eyes will go big and doe like. It's cute. Everybody had two sides you suppose, yours was your horny side (lol what)

Okay maybe, more time to admire him was a bad thing, you did not need to have sexual fantasies with him, no, that was a big no no.

It's been a few weeks since Jungkook had asked you to lay low for a while and in that time, you had been asking around about the killer to the police. You tried your best not to seem suspicious about it though, if they caught on – well it wouldn’t exactly end well. So, you make slow progress, you did make progress though, however.

You could now understand the note and while it scared you, it also ignited something in you that you didn’t even know that you possessed inside of you. You wanted to outdo him, you want to find him, lead him into a trap or something like that anyway. You want to catch him.

Something in the back of your mind is telling you begging you to stop being so stupid, but you ignore and continue to daydream about catching this bastard.

But it can only cure your boredom for a while – you get bored and what better to do when you're bored than to read erotica novels?

You had packed this book with you – the secrets of the alluring painter in France. You had taken to reading at night time on some nights.

Like tonight.

You need a wind down, so you pull out your book, and it has such racy scenes that leave you clenching around nothing.

Your sexual imagination goes wild when you read the erotica in the book and the way they make it seem so fiery, you were no virgin - you knew what sex was like, but never has it been close to the way it is in the book.

You’ve allowed yourself to fall into this horrible habit, at night, when Jungkook is asleep to touch yourself, play with yourself, pretending it is you who is being touched by Kim Taehyung the painter with many secrets.

You feel yourself growing more frustrated with each passage you read, it becomes a little irritating and, you have to touch yourself or you'll go crazy, the man in the book was doing it so well, so hot.

Kim Taehyung, he was described as an utter beauty, soft black hair and soft eyes, a deep voice that just made the reader swoon, you close your eyes and reach your hands down to your shorts, they slip past the hem.

You wish you could moan, wish that you could be vocal, like you were in your bedroom when it was just you and your pillow, but there was one big problem and that was Jeon Jungkook.

Why did you have to room with him?

You lighten your breathing and listen for signs of him being awake, but he seems to be breathing really deep, he is asleep you assure yourself.

You turn the lamp off, at the side of your bed, setting the book on the bedside table.

You trail your hand down your stomach, much like Taehyung had done to the main character, he slowly lets his fingers flutter over the top of her shorts, and you do the same. You build the tension, like it's his beautiful hands working against you.

You pause and let your fingers slip past the hem of your panties, you trace over the fabric covering you - first over your mound, stroking sensually.

How had Taehyung done it?

Right yes, he had used his nails slightly and grazed over lightly, a slight pressure but nothing that hurt - it was just enough to make you squirm under your own touch.

You feel your own wetness, feel how obscene it is in the darkness of the night.

Jungkook is right there, and while it scares you, it also thrills you, you feel a new wave of arousal and adrenaline when you remember he is there.

Slowly and as quietly as possible you shuffle, moving to take your shorts off, it's a little loud but you think that you're okay, Jungkook is out like a log.  After a moment you continue to tease yourself.

Running your fingertips over your lips, pressing down on your hole and clenching, withholding the need to hiss.

You raise your hand further and your fingers land right at the centre of your pleasure.

Your clit. Oh, the beautiful bundle of nerves.

You cover your mouth with a hand to stifle the moan that you almost let out when you begin to rub small circles around the sensitive nub.

When you can’t get enough your panties are next to go, and when the cold air hits your wet centre you have to hold your breath, shaky.

You reach down and gather your slick slowly, spreading it all over your centre, making yourself drown in your own arousal, you use your middle and ring finger to slide up and down at a pace that leaves you edged and eager for more, you need to bring yourself to the very edge to get yourself the release that you’re after, you free hand travels up to your ever sensitive boobs, you play with them, brushing over the nipple, making them perk and then groping them while you rub at your clit.

A dirty thought crosses your mind, when you remember the boy who was asleep across from you.

What if, he was the one to touch, the one touching you, with those beautiful hands of his, those big hands.

You stifle another moan, as you think about him, hovering over you, giving it to you just right. You had heard that Jungkook could actually make a girl cum while having sex, that made you a little interested. It’s just he always opens his mouth and is an ass and ruins everything. But right now, in your imagination, only his looks and reputation matter, you twist and turn his character to be someone that you can gain pleasure from.

You can the pleasure increase and you begin to fasten your speed until you feel the signs of your orgasm and then you pull away. Edging yourself.

Your breathing is a little heavy and your work on controlling it, both your hands go to fondle your breasts and you unconsciously lift your hips, humping the air, you lean down again and enter three fingers easily into your own heat.

The squelching sound heard is deafening in the silent room, your cheeks burn red and you pull out slowly, so that was a no no, you would have to focus on your clit for you orgasm. Which was fine because you were so sensitive from playing with yourself, you know that it would only take a few more strokes to get there.

You press the fingers that were just inside of you, against your sensitive bud and you rub in slowly circles and then fastening your place and then slowing once more.

Jungkook comes into your mind again, ugh, now his lips, his pretty pink lips and the way he licks them, and the way they glisten under the sun. What if they were attached to your clit, if he was using his face to give you pleasure, like Taehyung had done to the main character of the novel, God it was so filthy.

Its driving you insane and you love it, the frustration will only make your release all the more powerful.

After a while you feel the fire blooming in your bottom of your stomach, and you quicken your pace to the point where you feel light and the waves of pleasure rack over your whole body.

You press your hand to your mouth again to conceal the gasps that are escaping you, you sigh and fall back onto your pillow feeling so much better and lighter.

Gosh did that feel good. You were aware that in your mind alarms were going off in your mind. You had thought of Jungkook while masturbating. It was a line you have no idea why you crossed. How would you look him in the eye now?

After a while, you pull up your panties and shorts and you promise yourself a shower in the morning.

What you didn't know was that the raven-haired boy of your fantasies was in fact awake and now painfully hard as he listened to your filthy little moans and gasps, he grabs his own member in his pants, strokes slowly. He spreads the pre-cum over his member before setting the fast pace that he liked, his breaths through his nose – to conceal the way his breathing has become strained. His hair becomes damp from sweat and it sticks to his forehead. He came much faster that he would care to admit the thought of you right there yet unreachable the fact that you were so NAUGHTY under all that good girl.

Turning him on, making him needy.

He breathes heavy, thinking of you under him as he squirts out cum into his pants, Jungkook too showers in the morning after you.

After this Jungkook stays up at night, listening to you, seeing if you would do it again, you do and, on those nights, Jungkook cums at the same time as you. He feels a little pathetic, he knows that he can fuck a lot of girls in the class right, but it wasn't you, God he wants it to be you writhing underneath him.

It’s the next morning and you're getting ready for your shower.

You're gathering your clothes and shampoo and creams into a little bundle and are about to open the door to the shower, when it is opened for you. The song that you were softly humming gets stuck in your throat when you register that the door was opened by Jungkook.

A very naked Jungkook.

Your face grows red, and your eyes wander over his gorgeous body, the tattoos that trail up his arm and a few on his waist, God they looked amazing.

Your ogling comes to a stop when he clears his throat. Oh, shit you think - I was staring. You quickly look up and your eyes meet Jungkook's.

He is smirking at you and as soon as you meet his gaze, he lets his own wander over body – taken in the skin that was exposed in your pyjama shorts and a t-shirt that had been small for you since you turned 13 years old.

He looks up and down your body brazenly before meeting your eyes. He licks his lips, and you zero in on it. God it was so annoying that he was this hot.

How could this be happening now? When you had spent a while avoiding him? And him you? Why did this happen after you were thinking of him last night? Oh god you grow red again and you think what if he had heard you? God, that would be embarrassing. You look at his lips again, avoiding his gaze again but maybe his eyes would have been a better option because as soon as you look at his lips, the same filthy thoughts come back to you - you shift uncomfortably trying to calm yourself. In that time, you don't notice but Jungkook has come closer to you.

You register his closeness when a water droplet from his hair falls onto your cheek. You move away slightly.

You don’t realise it but in your extended silence of checking each other out the both of you have moved closer to each other. There is no longer what people would call a healthy distance between the two of you anymore. He looks down at you and licks his lips again. His hair is wet and the way he runs his hand through it – he looks so good like this. Your dirty thoughts run wild again. Its only when another water droplet from his hair falls onto your cheek that you finally snap out of it. You move a step back.

“You look a little hot strawberry is anything the matter?” He asks you, a teasing lilt on his voice.

It’s way too early for this, you cannot be dealing with this right now, not when your mind has gone on a memory flashback to last night and he was right here in front you, so very naked.

Still, you feign your ever composed self.

“I’m just fine” you say through gritted teeth.

“I need to shower and your kind of standing in my way” you tell him.

He chuckles, a deep chuckle, gosh how are you this horny in the morning? Stop it y/n you think.

“I don't think you really mind though do you strawberry, you seem to have a very different secretive side” he says, cocking his head to the side.

You blush, shit had he heard you?

“I have no idea what you're talking about Jungkook” you say to him “I need to shower though”.

You move to get away from his hearted stare but just before you enter the washroom, a hand grabs onto your wrist and pulls you back.

Jungkook looks at you, a deep and confusing stare.

“Be careful, it’s quite wet in there” he says and then his tongue pokes into the side of his cheek. Then suddenly, he lets you go and walks off to his side of the room, your left in shock at his words and quickly scurry to get into the bedroom before more heated tension breaks through.

You shake your head of all thoughts and quickly go into the shower, what you don’t realise is that you accidently drop something, the note with the raven-haired boy who you had left in the bedroom.

Its later on during this day that Jungkook approaches you.

'Hey strawberry’ he says to you.

You raise your eyebrows at him, what’s with his sudden kindness.

‘hey’ you reply voice dipped in surprised.

‘Oh, shut up, I just came to talk to you’.

You look at him.

‘I didn’t say anything but okay…. talk then’ you gesture your hands between your two bodies.

He lets out an exasperated gasp.

‘The note – did you find one?’ he asks. You still in the next sip of coffee that you were going to take. You feel yourself grow cold. How did he find out?

He looks at you.

‘So, you did’.

‘I didn’t say that’ you say tone slightly higher than normal – you were a terrible liar.

He laughs at you

‘Hmm is that so?’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about Jungkook’.

He looks at you, more serious this time.

“Listen y/n there's no point playing dumb, I found your stupid note anyway”.

You watch mortified as he pulls out the note that you had thought was in your pocket. Well shit then.

“I- I have never seen that before in my life Jungkook” you can't let him know; he would ruin everything - you convince yourself.

He looks at you, he’s getting annoyed that you're lying to him. He pokes his tongue against his cheek again.

“I suggest you stop lying”.

You scoff.

“Why would I ever need to lie to you your nobody to me Jungkook”.

Something akin to hurt flashes across his face for a few seconds before he slams his hands on the table.

“I don’t think you know what you're even getting into strawberry”.

You gather your belongings getting up, you need to get away from him.

“And I don't think you know what the fuck you're talking about Jungkook”.

You walk off leaving him there, but he follows after you,

“Listen I found one too, you don't need to be miss hero or anything”.

You carry on walking, not bothering to give him an answer, he would want to tell the teachers and everyone, they would cancel the trip and then how would you finish gathering your evidence? No, he was insane.

“I don’t know what you're talking about”.

‘you think your so fucking slick, don’t you? Asking around and acting unsuspicious but your wrong I could sense your stupid plan from a mile away’ he says to you, pulling you on your arm effectively stopping you so you can't walk away from him anymore. You struggle out of his hold.

‘and so, what? So, what if you know? What the hell are you going to do Jungkook? Tell on me? Are you going to threaten to tell the teachers because you know what? I’ve been thinking about it and I think they would much rather take my word for yours and all this work I’ve been doing for you – I could easily go right now and show the teachers and say that you forced me to do it!! ’

He looks at you angrily, looks like he is going to swear or curse you out but then his face relaxes.

‘you say that baby, but the truth is I have money and you don’t if I want to manipulate something I can because I have the means and power to do so, my dad's made himself something while yours totted away in the fucking garbage can’.

You feel the anger come over you and he smirks at you.

‘real fucking classy Jeon, yeah insult my parents – like it's their fault they were born into a world where people are born with silver spoons on their mouth, and at least my parents love me Jungkook’

His eyes flash with hurt

‘how do you now my parents don't love me you little bitch?’

You laugh an empty laugh at his face.

‘just look at you – you’re the very definition of boohoo my parents don't love me so I'm going to kick up a mess, so they notice me for once’.

He groans in frustration at your words then.

Somehow amidst your confrontation with Jungkook you had managed to reach your room, why are you here? Why did your feet have to leave you here?

You walk into the room and as soon as he gets in, Jungkook grabs you by the wrist and pins you against the door, your books and pencils fly across the room and while your mortified - he doesn't even bat an eyelid.

Your breathing is both heavy as you look each other in the eyes, waiting for the other to say something.

You struggle against his hold, uselessly, curse him for doing his workout routine every morning.

“You found the fucking note y/n when you went missing in the woods that day, the note that’s in Morse code, the note that you spent a week trying to decode, don't act fucking dumb” he grits out.

You still try and keep up your act,

“I have no clue in the world what you're talking Jeon, I think you're going fucking insane” you seethe out

He growls, yes, he growls.

“Your seriously fucking pissing me off now, I know you did, I know you found it”.

“Fuck off, Jungkook does it look like I care if I am fucking pissing you off”.

He looks into your eyes again and whispers something like “fucking priss” before he is connecting your lips in a kiss, a kiss that is full of ego, passion and heat. You can feel in searing through your body so fiery, setting your nerves alight.

He is relentless in his pace. His mouth against yours and God indeed Jungkook is good kisser. Before you knees grow weak you move your hands to tangle in his hair and you pull at the end causing him groan against his lips, when he does you swipe your tongue into his mouth getting a taste. You pull harder, and he groans again. It was a sound that you know you would like to hear again.

His hands move from the door and one tangles in your hair while the other presses harshly on your waist. You gasp at the pleasure and at this he takes over, he fights your own tongue for dominance and once he wins, he is rough, he wants all his saliva in your mouth, wants his taste on you, wants you to feel him in every way.

When he knows that your just as enthralled by his kisses he pulls back to taunt you - whispering the words against you bruised lips.

“You act like such a fucking little priss don't you? Act like your better than me? Lying to me? Fuck you drive me insane”.

He attacks your neck now, leaving open mouthed kisses along your ear and neck. He nibbles lightly at a few areas and when he gets to just the right place - where your breath hitches and you move your thighs together he bites down harshly without warning and you try you best to suppress your moans. Not wanting to give him any satisfaction.

“I am better than you” you say to him breathlessly, “I don’t just act like it, I am”.

He bites harder at that and you wince - Jungkook is painting you skin wine and purple and your letting him and it feels so goddamn good. He pulls you back by the hair to look at him,

“You don't look much better than me when you are bending at my will, when you're looking so fucked out and I’ve done is fucking kiss you”.

Your answer is swallowed by a moan that you let out as he takes you breasts into his big hands, and squeezes hard, you pull him up from your neck and kiss him again, his lips, your lips bruising and fighting against one another.

He trails his hand down further and dances around the hem of your pants for a while, and you place your own over his, just as your about to lead him further down a knock is heard at your door.

You both freeze

“y/n?” A voice calls out.

You calm yourself before answering, still a little shaky.

“Yes?”

“Our guest speaker has arrived, I just thought you might like to ask him a few questions before he gives his talk”.

Jungkook swears under his breath, raking a hand through his hair.

“You fucking nerd”.

He pulls you back by your pony tail and the back of your head lands on his shoulder, he tilts you slightly, so he has better access to kiss and leave more marks against your skin.

“Ah- I thank you, I’ll come in an ah- while” you say, and you hear the footsteps walk off, Jungkook spins you around and he goes to kiss you again, but you pull away.

“No, just, stop I have to go and talk”.

He looks at you “you fucking nerd” he kisses you once more, like he can't get enough of your mouth.

You pull away again.

uh what in the fuck just happened you think.

This was not meant to happen.

“Look Jungkook, I did, that is my note and I- I’ll, we can talk just not now, okay? I-I have to go. This is important"

He doesn't say anything, just watches as you fix your appearance in the mirror, an appearance he had ruined, and he smirks a little in triumph. He watches as you gather your books that had been thrown onto the floor and he watches as your ass is on display for him and God, he wishes he could grab a handful, but he doesn’t. He just watches.

You walk out the room, without so much as looking at him again and he feels oddly rejected.

He knows that you had felt good, he had heard you groan against his mouth, grind against his clothed member but he hadn't ever been walked out on before. He's not sure what exactly he is feeling. Its not a good feeling - that he was walked out on and for some old ass lecturer too.

He watches the door close, and he sits and waits for you to finish being a nerd. But truthfully it is a little hot to him that you’re so independent, you do things for yourself, your confidence and your wit, it makes you fun, you piss him off, but your company is nicer than the ones that he is used to.

He sighs what the fuck is he getting himself into.

You take a breath as you exit the room,

What in the fuck just happened? you think.

Well, when you promised Jungkook that you would talk to him you hadn't been in your right mind.  Why did you agree to that like fuck? You have no idea what to even say. How do you even start that conversation like...?

"Hey, was just wondering if you would like to you know? Go on a hunt for a serial killer with me?"

Gosh this was so stupid and the kiss, gosh your face heats up as you remember the way he had kissed you - oh so sweet and so naughty!

Gosh you were in bad, as an adult you decide to deal with the problem logically, you'll just ignore him. That will work, Jungkook had a small attention span anyway. You're sure he would forget. You really hope he does.

[sparklingchan]

Tipsy Turvy || Choi San(Ateez)

Pairing : Reader (fem.) x Choi San

Word count : 5k+

Warnings : Cuss words , alcohol , hangover , mentions of over drinking, not proof read.

Genre : Fluff , a tiny bit of angst , romance , friends to lovers au.

Description : You have a complicated relationship with San , and the alcohol in your system makes it worse ( or better).

Author's Note : So with all honesty , I have NO idea how people behave when drunk so I searched it up and wrote this 90%  based on that ( and 10% on  my friends’ advice). I hope at least one of y’all get the horrible pun in the title  -_-

Please do reblog , like and comment if you like this. My DMs are also open so if you want to gimme a review , feel free.

Enjoy!

The coffee in the cup must have gone cold by now, because the moment you touch it’s surface ,you don't feel the same sting as you did a few minutes ago.

Not that it tasted good anyway. You're almost glad you didn't have to drink it but maybe, right now, you could use a sip or two to spare yourself a few seconds of peace.

"The coffee is wonderful, isn't it? It's my favorite one." The man in front of you - Mike - needs to seriously give you a break, or else there will be blood on the streets. Literally, "I'm glad you like it."

Does he not see the clearly disgusted look on your face ? Or was he so sure you'd like this drink just because he ordered it without even asking you?

"Yeah ,its fine." You sigh , touching your lips to the mouth of the cup and then putting it back down. You're not drinking that already tasteless and now cold coffee. No way.

"So ,y/n, since we're expected to give our parents an answer after this date, I'd like to know about your opinions first . And please be honest. I would hate to upset you." He says , scratching his chin .

Your eyes widen at the unexpected string of words. This is the first time since this stupid date began that he actually asked your opinion on anything.

"Well," you begin, your mind filling up with tons of words that you'd waited patiently to let out , "Marriage is a big decision. At least for me. And this is all too fast. I just hope we have enough time to know each other before our parents set the date."

He nods his head , “ I agree, I agree. Its important . Right."

You furrow your brows. His reaction seems very forced. Like he really didn't agree with you , but for the sake of it , he's agreeing.

"And what kind of qualities do you look for in a man,y/n?" You want to roll your eyes at the question but you pull your lips up in a smile, not quiet touching your eyes but enough to convince him. You wonder why he was trying so hard to save a date that had been going downhill from the moment he sat down in front of you. You guys clearly didn't like each other, and the spark was missing.

A spark you'd only ever felt with one person.

"Its difficult to describe ideal types but yeah,I'd like someone who's compatible with me and loving and well.. obviously respectful." You say. Mike chuckles at your answer , as if amused by it, "I was expecting you to say you wanted someone who's rich and handsome like...me , honestly. But it's alright." You wonder if he actually hears himself because he really sounded like a self absorbed piece of shit right now. And you'd really do anything to escape from this date.

"Well , I guess not. " you reply with a chuckle. In all honesty, you yourself don't know what your ideal type is. It's not about the conditions or requirements that a person fulfills. It's not a job , it's a connection. You can't confine people to certain criterias. It defies the whole purpose of that connection. And even if you did have qualities you looked for in a man , everything would always end up pointing at only one damn person. You push his images away even before they can surface into your mind.

"So anyway, as I was saying before the coffee arrived , my dad bought this really pretty yacht for me last month and it's super amazing to - " and you shut him out completely while he continues blabbering and you quietly sip the disgusting coffee in front of you.

You really want to groan now. Like on his face. Putting emphasis on how draining and boring this whole conversation is for you.

But all you do is smile and nod.

You were going to reject him the moment your parents set you up on a date with a ' nice and charming bachelor '. What side of Mike did they find even remotely nice or charming? You would never know. But one thing is sure now ,you will at least not have to deal with your parents pestering you for marriage after you reject Mike.

The weather is extremely humid today , despite it having rained in the morning so without a doubt , you'd spent your day indoors , reading a book and drinking unhealthy amount of fruit punch.

"Are they still upset ? " your parents should have seen it coming ,really. The rejection was as inevitable as the rising of the sun every morning or the setting of the sun in the evening. Yet , your parents are pretty disappointed at the decision even after three days since that stupid date. You , on the other hand are happy to have gotten rid of Mike - even if it meant your parents being angry.

Your younger brother , Jongho ,sighs into the phone, " What do you think? They really thought you'd finally marry now."

You don't really blame them though. Not at all. That's what they were always taught ,weren't they? Graduate high school, finish college ,get a good job and get married. The full circle.That is all they've every known yet you find yourself upset at the fact that they didn't consider your unwillingness to this marriage ( or any other marriage) at all. You're just barely starting to work ,you cannot throw away all of that to be a good wife and daughter in law. Sure Mike is the son of some rich man who does business with your father, but economical relationships cannot be a basis for a marriage.

"Well, I can't help it . I'm not marrying that asshole at any cost. " you huff , " He is so creepy and weird. Let mom and dad stay pressed. I don't care."

"Is it just because you didn't find Mike interesting or something else?" Jongho asks.

"I guess? " you reply, scratching the back of your head.

"You know , y/n, I understand that you don't want to get married and whatever but we both know there's a solid reason behind it and I am sick of you denying it all the time." Jongho is too honest for your liking. Too brutal , no sugarcoated words. Just the truth.

And the truth stings.

"Shut up." You grumble, fiddling with the book in your hands , legs dangling from the edge of your bed, " I told you not to mention it ever again?"

"Y/n, you love him. Okay? You have loved him for seven years now . It is high time you shoot your shot or else you'll end up with some rich asshole who doesn't give two shits about you!"

He's right,of course he is. His words are not really an opinion or a vague prediction of the future. Those are facts. But hearing him say all that out loud makes your blood turn cold in your body. Fear creeping through every inch of your skin , making it hard to think clearly.

"I don't think it matters if I love him or not. I gave up on him. We haven't spoken much ever since college ended. " you say.

" You didn't give up. You just ran away instead of acknowledging it. There's a difference." Jongho replies , " And for your kind information it's only been six months since college got over. You need to stop talking like it was twenty years ago or something. "

You chuckle at his last phrase, grateful that he's trying to uplift the weirdly tense mood. "I don't think I can do it , Jongho. I want to. I really do but I don't think he likes me back." You admit.

"You're delusional if you think he doesn't like you back, y/n. All the late night car drives, movie dates , eating unhealthy food late into the nights - San loves you too. Obviously he does."

You sigh ,running your fingers over the rough page of the book in your lap. 'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.' The words read out. The tightening of your chest increases.

"He was just being nice." You mutter.

Jongho sighs loudly from the other side , "Okay , believe what you want . I can't handle both you and mom-dad together, okay? Spare me your bullshit. Bye."

Wow, talk about being a rude, disrespectful child !

You are usually not the one to point fingers or put blame on other people , but you really despised your best friend right now. And you have every right to do so. Your best friend is the main reason why your parents are so desperately trying to get you married and see you settle down and have kids and whatever. Jisoo is the epitome of every good quality all parents desire in a daughter. She's perfect. Even more than that sometimes.

"How's your husband?" Your question doesn't sound very genuine - the words slipping out of your tongue like they were being forced out. But Jisoo seems to let it go.

"He's good , really good. " She replies ,taking a sip from the only can of cola you had left in your fridge. She passes it over to you.

"How lucky ." You mutter , taking a sip of the same drink.

"I know what you're thinking ,y/n. I know your ass is upset about everything that happened with Mike but things take time. Okay? I married early because I wanted to." she says, reading right through you like you were a book she'd read millions of times ,"If you don't want to marry , don't. Stop blaming yourself for not finding good guys." " I wonder if I'll ever find anyone even remotely nice, Jisoo. The only few guys I've been set up on dates with are not my type and well , Mike ... I don't know. We're just not compatible." You complain , " And besides I'm so terrified of marrying a guy I barely know."

Jisoo sighs , "Then marry a guy you've known for a long time."

"Who are you talking about?" You frown. You know exactly who she is talking about but you want to hear her say it. Say his name which you dare not even repeat to yourself when alone.

"Choi San ,of course. The love of your life ,your sun and stars , your sweetheart. " she says , her dreamy eyes widening to exaggerate her point.

You slap her arm hard , almost a little too hard. But you're convinced that she deserves it. "Ow !" She yells ,rubbing the sore area on her arm.

"That name is forbidden in my vicinity." You say.

Okay ,maybe now you are the one who deserves a slap. On the cheek. You couldn't believe that his name still fills your stomach with butterflies and causes your heart to beat so fast that you feel dizzy even though you claim that you're over him.

"No, it's not, y/n. Come on ,dude. You're still not over him. You will never be unless you confess and face the supposed rejection on your own. Only then you'll find it in yourself to seek other guys , unless that's not what you want." She jabs her finger on your shoulder softly , "That, or you can marry San himself. It's very simple ,really."

Now that she put it that way ,it sounds even more complicated and it sends your mind to a voyage into the sea of memories that you rarely even acknowledged anymore( or at least ,you tried to).

San's pretty eyes and alluring smile , the soft hold of his hand on your arm as you run to the movie halls just five minutes before it closes , the warmth of his hugs that you so dearly loved , his silky black hair that you've wanted to touch on so many occasions and the day you were sure he had leaned in to kiss you but your annoying brother decided to call just at that exact moment. You almost wish you could go back to your university graduation day , and wait a little longer for him after the event got over and tell him that he meant the world to you. More than he could ever imagine. You really wish you had waited that day.

"Jongho has this stupid theory that he likes me too. He's making me even more confused. " you say.

"At least Jongho has more brain cells than you. That kid deserves an award or something." Jisoo replies , chuckling.

"He's not a kid. He's just a year younger than me and you." You deadpan. Great, your best friend and brother are now on the same team.

She rolls her eyes , "Yeah , you are a kid too. Only a kid acts so naive and stupid when everything they've ever wanted is right there in front of them. Hell, even a kid would realise that San loves you !"

Jisoo talks a lot , but her words are never empty or vague. She says whatever she wants to and has to. And she is always able to make a point. But you're a dumb bitch who likes to pretend she's still not in love with her childhood sweetheart and is looking for love somewhere else.

"Anyway, can we go for a drink?"

"Glad you finally asked." Jisoo grabs your arm and drags you out of the house.

Your favorite bar in the entire world has to be the one you've been going to since you were in high school. From your first time drinking to vomiting in its toilet after having way too many vodka shots , from dancing with your friends to crying alone in a corner , that place has seen it all.

Coincidentally( not really), its Jisoo's favorite bar too.

"Okay, y/n. I think you should stop now. That's enough."

Coincidentally also ,you happen to not have a good alcohol tolerance yet an endearing desire to drown your sorrows in those glasses.

"No, I'm not even properly drunk." You whine ,your words only barely making sense to Jisoo. She grabs the glass away from you.

"Come on , let's take you home. " she tries to pull you from your seat , "Can't believe I thought it was a good idea to drink on a weekday."

"No, no, Jisoo. " you resist , pushing her away. " I want to..stay. here. I like it here. It's so warm and cozy . If I go home, I'll cry. I hate home. It's so ugly. Ew. This place is so pretty ."

Your vision is so blurry that your brain can't even form clear images anymore. You see Jisoo's form after squinting hard enough.

"You won't cry. I'll take care of you, y/n. Come on." Jisoo is so insistent you have to hold yourself back from punching her. Her lucky ass would never understand how much in pain your heart is in. And how much the alcohol helps in forgetting all that even just for a few minutes.

"You go home. I'll stay. I'll stay here for as long as I can. Away from all you blood suckers." You slur. And then giggle for no apparent reason.

Jisoo heaves a sigh ,sitting beside you. "Are you going to come with me or do I have to call San to pick you up?"

That was a threat. Jisoo always uses the same one and somehow, it always seems to work. Not today though.

"Hah! Joke's on you ! He doesn't care about me." You point at her face , giggling again.

San? Taking care of you? Funniest joke of the year.

"He does ,y/n. You know he does. What are you being like this?" She asks , rubbing your hand comfortingly. "I see the way he looks at you."

"He probably has a girlfriend already. He always posts romantic shit on Instagram. " you say ,resting your chin on your arm.

"He doesn't have one. I know he doesn't. He probably posts all that for you." She says.

You want to believe her but your brain feels fuzzy and foggy now. Like the sky on winter mornings.

"I want to see San, Jisoo. I miss him. I miss him so much. " you keep muttering under your breath , "Take me to him. I miss him."

Jisoo stares at you - wide eyed and slightly annoyed. Your low alcohol tolerance will get you into serious trouble one day.

"We can see him tomorrow. Let's go home now. Now." She pulls your arm again.

You push her off , "I said I want to see San ! Right now! Take me to him!"

You have never yelled at anyone while in a drunken state before so the sudden increased volume of your voice scares Jisoo. She let's go of your arm.

"Okay, will you come home after meeting San?" Jisoo asks ,taking her phone out to call a cab.

"Yes. No. Depends. I never want to be away from him." You say. "Take me to him , please. I haven't seen him in months. Years. I don't remember how long. Do you think he'll recognize me?"

Shaking her head , Jisoo makes a mental note to never take you out for drinking again.

San lives a few minutes away from your own apartment, but with traffic sometimes it takes almost an hour to reach his apartment.

Today must have been your lucky day because the traffic was almost negligible. Although you don't remember the journey to his house , you do remember his familiar voice greeting you and Jisoo like he had almost expected you both to arrive at his door this late at night.

"She was throwing a tantrum that she wanted to see you. So I brought her here. I hope it's not a problem. " Jisoo says in her sweet voice that she uses on everyone but you and her husband. You scowl.

"Hey, I wasn't throwing a tantrum! " You hit her arm again , but she puts on the fakest smile when San looks at the both of you with a confused face.

"And she's not very sober right now." Jisoo admits ,sighing. San presses his lips in line , observing you as play with the hem of your tshirt and your eyes are focused on his face. You never had so much confidence in a sober state. He knows this because he's seen you like this a million times before and hopefully, if all goes well tonight , he might see this state in the future too.

His stomach does a back flip when you stick out your bottom lip in a cute little pout.

"It's okay. She can stay the night here. I believe you have something important to tell me ,y /n?" San asks, titling his head.

You nod , beaming with happiness. Your eyes never leave his perfect face and his beautiful black hair which he decided to tie in a small ponytail tonight and his toned arms and his breathtakingly sweet dimples as he leads you inside, bidding goodbye to your bestfriend. Jisoo must be very relieved right now ,you think.

"Do you need a glass of water ,y/n?" San asks you , as he takes you gently by the arm to his bedroom. His alert eyes are always on your steps ,making sure you do not trip on anything.

"No. " you giggle. You're so happy to be with him alone at last that you can barely contain it . "I missed you ,San."

He laughs at your words ,shaking his head in disbelief as he makes you sit on his warm ,fluffy bed.

You've always wanted to sit there.

"Waoowww , this bed is so soft. " you swing your legs up and down with a big grin on your face , "I want to sleep on this bed. Oh my god ,awww."

San sees you lean down against the headboard and laugh at the ceiling, pointing out peculiar patterns . You look very content right now ,he notices. Your flushed cheeks , big , curious eyes , messy hair , yet he thinks you look beautiful like this - raw and natural and pretty.

"San! Sit with me, come here." You say , patting the empty space beside you.

San obliges without a question. He pushes you gently to the other side of the bed , himself settling beside you , careful not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

"What it is that you wanted to tell me ?" San questions, his fingers reaching upto your forehead to remove the strands of hair that cover your eyes.

"Promise me you won't be mad. " You hum into his touch ,wanting nothing more than to wrap your arms around his body and snuggle into his chest. But even with alcohol in your system ,you know better than to do that.

"I promise." He replies with a toothy grin. His head leans on the headboard beside yours , his beautiful brown eyes drilling into yours ,making your knees go weak and heart flutter. And if it were possible to replace all blood from your body with physical adoration for Choi San ,you would have done it already. "Pinky promise?" You ask again ,lifting your right pinky up in front of his face.

Sighing , he connects his pinky to yours then pressing your thumbs together, "Pinky promise."

You take a deep breath then as naturally as ever ,the words you've always wanted to say roll out of your mouth , "I like you. "

San's breathing gets stuck in his throat , his whole being as if swallowed into a black hole for a few seconds. He stares at you like you were suddenly someone he'd never seen , never heard of before. Like you were a stranger that caught his eye in the mall. Like a gemstone he'd found while digging the ground. Like a precious falling star on a cloudy night.

"I-I mean we have known each other for sometime now. It's normal that you like me. As a friend." He stammers.

You roll your eyes , " I did not mean as a friend ,you idiot. I meant I like you as a man. You're so stupid, gosh." You punch his arm.

His heart skips a beat. He'd always known deep down his heart that this confession would happen one day or the other - but he had always hoped it would be him to say it first ,not you. His ego is a teeny tiny bit hurt.

"I know you don't like me , " you whine , your excited tone now suddenly switching into a sad one , " I know you won't date me."

San frowns at this new melancholic side of yours.

"Why would you think that?" He asks.

"I just know ,okay?" You say ,tears filling your eyes , " And that's why I agreed to an arranged marriage."

"You must have met someone nice then?" He takes his hand in yours.

Jongho was right - you love him. So much that it hurts to look at him ,knowing that one day you'll have to marry a man who isn't him. It hurts like someone is pressing a hot metal rod onto your skin.

You start sobbing.

"No! Of course not ! I don't want anyone but you! " You yell , a little too loud , " But my parents are still insistent about it. How do I tell them that I can't marry anyone else because I'm so in love with you?"

That's another new piece of information for San. But this one makes his heart drop into the deepest pits of his stomach , making him go numb for a few seconds. You were almost taken away from him, just because he'd always put your relationship in a complicated situation. You had almost held someone else's hand on the alter. You had almost ended up in someone else's arms.

The image of you with another man nauseates him and he decides to stop being a coward . Right now ,right at this moment .

"I like you ,too, you idiot." He says , not quite meeting your teary eyes." Don't go find anyone else. I'm here. I really am ,y/n."

His sincere voice washes over you like the first showers of monsoon - refreshing and enchanting. You feel like melting into a puddle under his gaze.

"I wasn't planning on anyway. " You sniff and rub your tears away. He leans in closer to your face , rubbing your cheekbones with the pad of his thumb. And you , being the shameless person you are , stare at his kissable, pink lips. If you lean in a little more , they'd touch and you could finally kiss him. You really want to . Would he mind ?

He presses a soft kiss on your forehead , pulling you into his warm embrace.

"I want to go to sleep and wake up like this every morning." You mumble into his chest , your hand playing with the hem of his t-shirt. "We will. I promise." he replies. The thought itself makes him feel warm inside , "I'll talk to your parents about the arranged marriage thing. They love me more than they would any other guy out there."

Your parents in fact do love San. Whenever they met him , they'd be filled with praises for him. Although a little jealous , you could easily see why San was so easy to like.

"You smell so nice." You say abruptly , drowsiness slowly taking over you , your eye lids getting heavier by the minute.

San's chest vibrates as his laugh fills the room , "Thank you, y/n."

"Will you be here when I wake up? You aren't going to run off, right? " You are just spewing out random sentences at this point but he doesn't complain either way. He likes this honest and vulnerable side of you.

"I'll be right here. Don't worry. " he whispers ,running his fingers through your hair , "But I'm pretty sure you won't remember anything tomorrow ."

You laugh, a big hearty laugh as you finally find enough courage to lightly wrap your arm around his torso. "I'll remember, San . I never forget."

San rubs your head soothingly , smiling to himself, knowing that even if you forget about it in the morning , he'll really be there to remind you of it. He'll be there by your side, as he always has been.

Every hangover is like a cycle that includes pain , regret and a promise to never drink so much again yet you somehow always seem to be struggling with the last one.

And the inevitable headache that follows makes you feel like someone had thrusted millions of knives in your head.

It hurt. Badly.

You stir in your position ,groaning at your throbbing head.

"Woah , good morning , sleepy head." San purrs into your ears , his early morning voice sending chills down your spine.

Wait. San? Choi San? With you in his arms? On a bed?

You sit up at the speed of a lightning bolt , breaking away from his warm embrace and crawling to the farthest corner of the bed. You look around the room , your heartbeat in your throat , taking in the unfamiliar surroundings that reminded you of what you might have done while in a drunken state.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Your eyes scan San, his sleepy face pressed to the pillow and his lips curved in a smile. His white t-shirt hangs loose from his shoulder, exposing the skin near his collarbone and his black, messy hair covering half of his face.

And even in panic mode , your first thought is that he looks ethereal with that early morning glow. Is this what being whipped really means?

"Y/n, don't tell me you forgot what happened last night. " he says ,visibly annoyed. He forces himself up in a sitting position as he runs his fingers through his messy hair.

You look away from him , adrenaline rushing through your veins as you try to recall last night's episode. Surely ,you didn't sleep with him since both of you are fully clothed and you didn't feel sore anywhere. Thankfully.

"Y/n? " he calls you again but you don't reply because your brain is way too occupied at the moment.

You remember the sound of a very weird combination of words leaving your mouth last night and an even weirder combination of words leaving his. And that's when it hits you - you had confessed to him. Full on movie style. All those years of daydreaming and trying to keep everything a secret gone into vain , your heart placed naked in front of him.

"Oh fucking hell." You hold your head in between your hands ,closing your eyes.

Maybe this was all a dream and if you focused hard enough ,you'd wake up in your bed , alone and yearning for the man supposedly in front of you. But that would still be better than this.

"Y/n, it's alright. You don't have to be embarrassed. " San says, inching closer to you.

You sigh. It's not a dream and you have to face him now.

"I-I'm sorry for whatever I said last night. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable at all. I don't know what had gotten into me." You say, rubbing your forehead.

By now , San is kneeling right in front of you, his galaxy filled eyes never leaving yours.

"I should be sorry , you idiot." He says , gently tapping your forehead ," if I wasn't such a coward and had confessed to you earlier , everything would have been different now. But better late than never , right?"

You gulp hard.

Now is the time to wake up , y/n, I'm going to be super pissed if this turns out to be a dream, you wonder to yourself.

"So..what you're saying is - "

"I like you , yes. Not as a friend , not as a classmate. I like you as a woman and if you agree to this ," San leans in dangerously closer , "Then I'll like you as a girlfriend, too."

You didn't need time to agree to this. You didn't need a second thought. You only need a small tug at your heartstring , which happened everytime you see his eyes focused on you and only you.

"Yes." You say.

His face breaks into a massive grin as he wraps his arms around you , with yours around his torso. You can feel the fast beating of his heart against your cheek as you snuggle into his chest .

"Thank you. Thank you so much." He whispers into your hair. Your cheeks are burning red by now but it's alright. It's a good type of burning. You can come to like it in the near future.

You don't know how long it is before he finally decides to pull away , much to your dismay.

"I'm going to make breakfast . Are pancakes okay with you?" He says , his arms by his side but his body still close to yours.

"Yeah. Obviously. " You loved his pancakes, as a matter of fact. Once, Jongho had even forced you to confess to San during your college years just so he could eat those delicious pancakes whenever he wanted to.

"Okay. You can go freshen up in the bathroom by then." He then unexpectedly takes your face in his hands , inching closer to yours with every passing second, " Don't miss me too much though."

You pout, playing along , " I already do."

And just like that , he presses his soft , luscious lips to yours, enveloping them in a quick kiss.

"Bye." And just like that too , he runs away into the kitchen , avoiding confronting what had just happened while you are left frozen and shocked and petrified and all synonyms of those words in the English dictionary.

But you hear him hum his favourite song softly from the kitchen and your shoulders relax.

Relax , y/n , you tell yourself , it's just San and he is your boyfriend now.

[eleanorbloom]

When You’re Ready Ch. 16

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: Angst and cussing.

A/N: Hello! It’s time for some delicious angst from chapter 11 from OH. I hope you enjoy it! 😘

Taglist @utterlyinevitable @binny1985 @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268  @cinnamonspongecake @romewritingshop @bratzlahela @mrs-raleighcarrera​   @mercury84choices  @curiousconch

_______

Chapter 16: Into The Dark.

If I could choose, I'd have you stay

But I gave my heart to you, so is yours to break

Before my fears tear us apart

Won't you follow me into the dark?

A grunge song from the 90s was playing in the background, but Bryce was barely paying attention. Even if back in his teenage days he was all in the grunge and rebel aesthetic, now was too troubled to hum Nirvana.

The image of Eleanor leaving the softball game with Ramsey was stuck in his head just as all the painful memories do. You want to forget them, but they're already past your hippocampus,  all settled in your guts, determined to make you hurt and distort everything about them. You forget what is real and what is not. There's only pain, and you can't help but soak in it.

Bryce knew he had no right to be this mad because he had pushed Eleanor to do it, but he couldn't help it. There wasn't a good way to react to the fact that Eleanor would have dinner with Ethan at his apartment to talk.

Eleanor hadn't given him any reason to doubt, though. She hadn't changed a thing towards him since Ethan and she made peace. She wasn't distant or suspiciously nervous or guilty. If so, she looked a lot less affected by Ethan, and when she talked about him was very casual. Almost nonchalant. But he wasn't sure if that was an act, or not.

He wasn't sure about anything. If she was smiling when she got in the car; if she was looking guilty when she approached him. He even started to doubt about past days. That's the problem with memories mixed with pain. Everything was distorted.

"B? Are you okay?"—Sienna asked him, waking him up from his trance.

"Yeah, sure, just a bit tired, that's all."—He replied almost mechanically, giving her a quick glance.

Sienna looked at him with a sad smile before standing up and sitting next to him so they could have more privacy, while Elijah and Jackie were in deep conversation with Sothy and Gary.

"It's Eleanor, right? I saw she left with Dr. Ramsey."

"N…"

"Please, don't lie to me."

Bryce sighed looking directly into his half-drunk jar of beer.

"Yes, Si."—He admitted—"I know I shouldn't be worried, Eleanor has been honest with me the whole time, but…"

He closed his eyes, ashamed. He hated to be this way. He wasn't like that in the first place, but overthinking was his best way to be prepared for the worst. To not be surprised by the punch the moment it's thrown.

"…there's always the possibility that Ramsey will say exactly what she wants to hear and that could change everything for her. For us."

Sienna hummed thoughtfully for a few seconds.

"Yes, but also might be the words she needs to open her eyes and realize he's not for him. Nothing is 100% sure."

"I know, but I don't wanna be optimistic in this case. If this goes wrong…"—He shook his head trying to discard the fatalist thought off his head.—"Has she… tell you anything about him? I don't wanna interfere in Eleanor's privacy, believe me, but… maybe you know something that I don't?"

"If I know if Eleanor has been in something suspicious with Dr. Ramsey?"

"God, when you put it that way, I hate myself for asking."

"I wouldn't break Eleanor trust, I swear, but she's been sincere with you, Bryce, maybe even more sincere with you than she's with me."—Bryce nodded, kind of relieved—"She owes you honesty, and I believe she's been acting accordingly to that. I haven't seen or heard anything unusual. She's interested in you as usual."

"And what about Ramsey? As uninterested and distant as usual?"

Sienna took a few times before responding.

"I've seen her professional and friendly, just like she was towards him at the beginning of your intern year, before… you know, before Miami and all that jazz."

Before he opened his mouth and confused her. Before he kissed her and made her believe they would have a future together. Yeah. That could've been very tranquilizing to Bryce but he knew Ethan's words still held some power over Eleanor, that even if they were all professional now, a word from him could change everything.

Sienna observed how conflicted he was and she took his hand in hers.

"B, I'm sure nothing will happen."

Bryce felt embarrassed. He wasn't used to this, to open up to people. He had barely managed to open up to Eleanor, with a lot of effort, and now there he was, opening his heart almost easily to Sienna, but for some reason, it felt good. For once in his life, he didn't feel alone in this path. He now knew he wasn't the only one who wanted to be the one for Eleanor in the end, and that gave him a bit of reassurance after feeling hopeless the past hours.

"I really want to believe that, Si."

"Don't mortify yourself, okay? You'll know more in the morning."

"I hope so. Thank you for listening."

"Anytime, my friend."

She gave him a reassuringly pat on the shoulder and tried to change the subject to cheer him up.

*

It was almost midday when Bryce got out of the OR and bumped into Elijah after wandering for some hallways.

"Hey mate, have you seen Elle?"—He asked. —"I have my cellphone in my locker and I can't find her."

"No, I haven't seen her. Since yesterday, actually."

His eyes opened wide and the panic froze him for a second.

"You… You didn't see her this morning?"

"No, she wasn't at home last night either, and maybe she just stayed the night here?"—Elijah shrugged.

Sienna had told Elijah that Eleanor couldn't join them after the game because she'd been paged, so he just assumed that if she wasn't at home, Eleanor was still at the hospital. But Bryce knew better.

"Do you want to call her with my phone?"—Elijah took out his phone from his coat and offered it to him.

"No, I… I, crap! I actually have to prep for another surgery."—He said, watching the hour on Elijah's phone screen.—"I'll reach out later. Thanks anyway!"

Bryce waved and then got lost behind the emergency stairs' door.

If somehow he had managed to have hopes this morning, every single one of them was screwed by now.

Eleanor had spent the night with Ramsey.

And if she did so, it only meant one thing. Love. That was the only reason Eleanor would go all the way with him. She had been very reluctant to all that "let Ethan make a move on you" thing, and he didn't want to believe that she would be so hypocrite to just go all the way with him out of curiosity. Not when she had been avoiding him for four months.

There was only one explanation, and as he started to feel how painful that realization was, soon he decided that he didn't want to deal with it now. There was nothing he could do, so he just had to focus on work and seclude himself from anything that would involve Eleanor and bumping into her: cafeteria, doctor's lounge, even the Nurses' Stations if he could. That was his only way to survive the day.

Late in the afternoon, Bryce went to his locker, worried that Keiki would've tried to reach him during the day. He checked, as he supposed, that Eleanor had sent him several texts asking to meet her. The last of them were more insistent. She was affected by Kyra's diagnosis and she wanted to talk.

He was affected too but he couldn't bear to be close to her at that moment, so he ignored her texts and just focused on finding a way to help Kyra.

He knew there was something else that could be done to help her, so after analyzing and overanalyzing her latest tests' results, he talked with Dr. Tanaka about the possibility to make an Extrapleural Pneumonectomy on Kyra and replace the lining of chest and heart with fore-tex, a procedure he had done a couple of times before with him, and he wanted to do it on his own.

Tanaka, impressed with his disposition, questioned him, however, about the difficulty of this procedure, considering that even if he had assisted two times, it required a lot more time to be ready to perform the surgery by himself and that it was better if he only assisted. Bryce, always ready for a challenge, and even more willing if it meant helping a friend, gave him enough reasons to let him fly solo this time. After making an exhaustive interrogatory, and confirm he indeed knew the procedure well, Tanaka accepted his proposition and went to talk to Dr. Banerji, to ask for his consent.

A couple hours later, Tanaka paged him to tell him he could do the surgery, and due to the delicate state of Kyra, it had to be soon, so Bryce ran to Kyra's office to deliver the news and almost forcing her to agree with his idea.

The offer was tempting. It was a really good option, and Bryce managed to give her all the information and all the possibilities, probabilities, and outcomes that could be expected after the surgery. It was risky, Kyra might die during the procedure, but it was a risk worth taking because if everything went well, she had a high chance to be cancer-free in the future, a scenario that had never been offered before.

That information, and the fact that Bryce was so excited about performing the surgery by himself, made Kyra impossible to say no to him.

By the end of the day she was admitted, and while Kyra and he were in the middle of their usual banter and teasing, Eleanor appeared to check on her, amazed that she had agreed to be readmitted.

The moment he saw her, his stomach flipped. He had been so focused on helping Kyra that Bryce had completely forgotten about Eleanor, and somehow he was glad it was that way because just being close to her made him feel… Scared. Hopeless. Like he wasn't himself.

After informing Eleanor about the procedure, and a few minutes of chatting, Bryce and she decided to leave Kyra to rest.

The moment they were alone, Eleanor threw the first bomb. They needed to talk. And that totally froze him. She looked scared and maybe guilty, and for once in his life, Bryce felt cowardice. He had always been ready for whatever life throws at him, even the worst. But he wasn't prepared to have a conversation with Eleanor, so he just pretended to be really tired and said they could talk another day. It wasn't a lie, he was tired, but in different circumstances, tiredness was never a reason to not spend time with Eleanor. He was just delaying the inevitable.

So he went home and found Keiki watching the TV, waiting for him to have dinner.

"Hey, glad you came, I'm starving."—She said, standing from the couch.

"I'm sorry. You know there's no need for you to wait for me, right?"

"I know, but I already have breakfast and lunch alone, so, I would like to have company at least at dinner."

Bryce sighed and guilt and sadness twisted in his guts.

"I'm sorry, you're right."

Keiki turned to him, his somber expression too evident to ignore.

"Are you okay?"

He hesitated for a moment. He hated lying, but in this case, part of the reason he was sad didn't involve telling a lie to his sister.

"Actually no. Kyra, my friend, was readmitted."

"What happened?"

"Her cancer is worsening"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Is it… too critical?"

"Yeah, her chances of surviving are low, but I found a way to level up her chances and maybe beat it up."

"Really?"

Bryce told her about the procedure and that he would do it as lead surgeon.

"Woow."—Keiki just said after hearing her brother and imagining him bossing around the OR like in the movies.

"'Wow, bro, you're the coolest', I think those were the words you're missing"

Keiki punched him in the shoulder before sauntering to the kitchen to turn on the oven.

"Okay, maybe you're kinda cool."

Bryce walked toward the kitchen counter and leaned over.

"Have you thought what I told you the other day?"—Bryce asked, watching as Keiki was taking two plates from a cupboard.

"About calling mom and dad?"

"Yes. You're missing school, Keiki. You're alone all day, you need to do something with your life."

"I know. But I'm scared of what they could do."

"Knowing them and considering all the time has passed and they've done anything… maybe they won't do anything and they'll just agree to make things easier."

Keiki stared at him, unsure. And he couldn't blame her. He didn't want to risk her stay with him, but the fact that Keiki was missing school and she wasn't able to do anything more than being at home or explore the city alone, was worrying him too much. Bryce was giving her all the spare time he had, but it wasn't enough, and of course, she needed to continue her education, and the only way to get it, was calling their parents.

"Two more days, Keiki. After Kyra's surgery, I'll call our parents, and it's better if you are agreeing with this, alright?"

"Yes. Okay, I'll think about it."

The next day he didn't have to do so much effort to evade Eleanor. He was busy all day going in and out of surgeries, and Eleanor was really busy with Senator Farrugia, the star case of the Diagnostic Team. By the end of the afternoon, he bumped into her, and, while managing to hide his surprise, he did his best to not look nervous or hurt.

But he was nervous.

Nervous to be around her and seeing the guilt in her eyes, the eyes of the person who might break his heart. But he knew he could do so much better. He had years mastering the art of hiding his feelings, and even if it was a lot more difficult with Eleanor, it wasn't impossible, so he just teased her when she announced she was going to an interview with Ethan –the damn Ethan— to give the appearance that he was a lot less affected than yesterday.

But she knew him too well, and at that moment, he hated it.

"Bryce… We need to talk. I know you're crossed with me."

She said and he nodded deadpan, unable to deny it. But he brushed it off again. Cowardice again. He couldn't. And honestly, the best he could do at that moment was to avoid it. Not have a difficult conversation before such an important day as Kyra's surgery. He needed to focus. And she agreed, of course she agreed. She gave him her characteristic understanding smile he loved so fucking much. That smile that always made him wrapping her by the waist and kissing her like the world was about to end. So he tried to leave before the temptation was too big.

But she stopped him as if she knew she could test his reins.

How could she know him so damn well?

"Could you give me a kiss at least?"—She muttered with those puppy eyes she rarely used.

He was the one who would use puppy eyes when he did something wrong or was too annoying with her. But Eleanor, looking at him pleading… For a kiss? No. That wasn't normal. And although that guilty and apologetic look on her face made him fear the worst, he surrendered. He needed that too, but he did his best to hide how much he wanted to kiss her and hug her and not letting her go ever.

Instead, he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. And even if he saw the hurt in her eyes for being too cold with her, that kiss hurt him the most. It was against all what he was. He wasn't like that, he didn't use to ignore people. He hated to ignore Eleanor, and not kissing her, and not talking to her. But it had to be done. He had to protect himself.

The last time he saw her was the next morning, while he was wheeling Kyra to her surgery. Her expression had changed drastically. There was no guilt in her eyes, no pleading and she wasn't pushing his boundaries either.

"I know she will be golden with you in there, but please, take care of her for me."

"Of course, I will, Elle."—He replied softly, addressing how worried Eleanor was about Kyra. He was too.

Eleanor looked at him like she wanted to say something else, but instead, he just stared with her eyes swelling with warmth, candor, and something he wasn't sure what it was, but it made his heart skip a beat.

A few moments later, she muttered tenderly:

"I'm so proud of you, Bryce, you have no idea."

Then she kissed him on the cheek and turned to Kyra, witnessing the exchange from below, with a smirk on her face.

"I second. I'm proud of you too, hotshot."

Eleanor hugged Kyra one last time and then took a step back so Bryce could continue wheeling her to the OR.

The procedure went by without complications.

It had passed more than three hours when he heard loud whispers and surprised expressions, and people walking in and out of the observation deck, which startled him a bit. It wasn't a normal situation that people would act that way in the deck.

"What's going on?"—Bryce asked, looking up at a resident entering the OR.

"Sorry, Dr. Lahela. Chief Banerji sent me to round up whoever I could. The feds are here… Something's going on upstairs."

He looked up at Ines Delarosa, who was observing the procedure since the beginning. Her expression had changed. She was scared and her eyes somehow looked at him with worry.

"Dr. Delarosa, what's happening up there?"

She reluctantly hit the button and answered:

"There's been an assassination attempt on Senator Ed Farrugia and apparently some staff were caught in the crossfire."

Ed Farrugia. All his bones froze up at the mention of his name.

"Ines, that was Eleanor's patient. Was she in there?"

Ines hesitated before answering. Those two seconds felt like an eternity to him.

"Yes".

For the first time in his career, his scalpel hand shook. All his body trembled, his chest started beating fast, his mind went numb and a lump grew in his throat, making him stand motionless for a few seconds.

"Is she okay?"—He asked in a tiny voice, and then he cleared his throat, trying to regain composure.—"Is Eleanor okay, Ines?"

"So far, yes. The assassin used a kind of spray, the whole floor's been evacuated, and she's been put under quarantine, along with Bobby Gunderson, Danny Cardinal, and former paramedic, Rafael Aveiro. The CDC is here, and the FBI are on their way."

At least she wasn't wounded, but the use of a chemical weapon wasn't any consolation either. It was unpredictable and quickly lethal if it's not treated on due time.

Eleanor was at risk and the only thing he could think was running to her side. But after a few seconds, he remembered where he was. Kyra needed him. He was the reason she had agreed to that surgery. He couldn't fail her. And he had promised Eleanor that he would take care of her.

Despite the horrible feeling, and that his legs were burning for running to Eleanor's side, Kyra was first. Her life was depending on him, so he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and somehow managed to control his mind and fear for two hours until Dr. Tanaka finally entered the room to continue the surgery.

The moment Bryce left the OR he started running upstairs to the fourth floor. Once inside the empty floor, staffed with a few nurses and some feds, he found Ethan talking through the Diagnostics Room door. When Ethan felt his footsteps, he turned and approached him with a solemn expression.

"Ethan. How is Eleanor?"

"She's stable. Giving her symptoms, she was the least affected by the canister. Rafael is with her but in worse shape. They have put Danny in a separated room with life support, and a few minutes ago they took Bobby Gunderson's body."

"What?"—His heart did a flip for the umpteenth time that day.—"His b... body, you say… Bobby died?"

"Yes, he received the major amount of the content as he was close to Travis, Senator’s assistant, and who planned all this. Bobby died almost instantly."

This was worse than he expected. Eleanor might die. She could've died if it wasn't because she happened to be in the right place. Otherwise she…

She would be dead by now.

Ethan saw his troubled eyes and for a second, it seemed like they both shared the same painful and desperate concern, but after a moment, he came back to his stoic poise, like he reminded he was Eleanor's doctor and he had to behave like that in front of Bryce too.

"And what the hell was in that fucking canister?"

"It's unknown, not even Travis was able to tell us. I'll have to get information from the FBI someway because so far they haven't shared a bit. If they don't share anything, we'll have to investigate on our own."

"Are you serious? Ethan, they must help to find out what's in there, people might die because of their fucking national security and crap. She… She could…"

He couldn't bring himself to say those words.

"I know. I'm furious too, but you need to calm down, Bryce. Right now, the best we can do is give Eleanor peace and stability."

Bryce took a deep breath and nodded.

"Go to see her, I'm sure she will be happy to see you, but please… Pull yourself together. Even if she doesn't want to show it, she's scared, and we need her in her best mood to inform us if her symptoms or Rafael's are changing. She's our best hope to solve this case."

Bryce followed down the hall until he reached the quarantine room. Eleanor was talking to Rafael, who smiled at him weakly when he spotted him on the other side of the door.

"Elle"

Eleanor turned around and her eyes sparkled with hope for a moment.

"Bryce? Wh… What are you doing here?"

"You cannot expect I won't race to your side if I know you're in danger, babe. I had to come to see you."

"I know, but… Kyra?"

"Dr. Tanaka is taking care of her now. I did everything I could until he showed up. I… I don't know if I could've kept up much longer."

Bryce frowned to show his worry, but he gave everything he had to hide how terrified he was actually.

"I'm happy you're here. Thank you."

Bryce gave her a reassuring smile. She was trying really hard to stay calm, but her whole body was shaking, and Bryce could read the fear in her eyes. The desperation, the hopelessness.She was losing it.

"... and no one knows what was in the fucking canister, not even Travis knows! We all could die without knowing."—She said while telling Bryce how everything happened. She shook her head.—"Fucking asshole, how did I not realize sooner?"—Her voice was caught up in her throat.

"This is not your fault, babe. He had been planning to kill him for years. The only responsible it’s him.”

“I know, but I could’ve been more subtle. I brough Bobby here and now he’s.. And Danny, and Raf and me.... Could..."

Her lips quievered, and large tears streamed down her face. She wanted to have hopes but it was difficult to. She couldn't get the image of Bobby dying off her head. She knew she could die. They were racing against time.

"Hey, babe, look at me."—He said softly—"Look at me."

Eleanor obeyed, looked directly into his eyes. Bryce laid a hand against the glass, and she slowly lifted her own to meet it. Even if they couldn't touch, the gesture seemed to have the same soothing effect on her as if they were really touching.}

Just the fact that he was there was enough for her.

"Everything's going to be fine, alright? Everyone here is doing their best to help you, and I'll help however I can too. Stay strong, beautiful. You'll get through this, I know."

"Thank you. Thank you for being here despite… you know, everything that has happened."

There was a hint of guilt in her eyes, but the guilt he was feeling was even bigger, but couldn't let it show.

"Doesn't matter know. What matters is that you're okay."

Bryce gave her a reassuring smile, but she was barely paying attention now, it was like she got lost in his eyes.

"You're doing amazing, princess."—He insisted—"Keep holding on, okay?"

Eleanor didn’t say or do anything, just stared at him, with an amazed smile for a few seconds until she broke the spell of silence.

"I love you."—She whispered lovingly, adoringly, her eyes conveying love, admiration, thankfulness. But again, there was something different about the way she was looking at him that he couldn't name. He was too blind to realize what it was.

"I love you too babe. So much."

"No, what I mean-"

But she was interrupted by Ethan, who appeared beside Bryce and looked at them ruefully.

"I'm sorry for interfering, but with June and Baz are getting inside to get some samples. Danny's too weak to risk even drawing blood right now, so we'll have to get them from you and Rafael."

Eleanor nodded.

"I'll be near if you need anything, okay?"—Bryce gave her one last look, before winking at her and turning towards the hallway.

*

About an hour has passed since Bryce saw Eleanor. He was lost in sight, observing Danny from outside, when Aurora stood beside him.

"Hey”

“Hey Aurie”

“I wanted to know are you holding up."

He breathed heavily, considering his words.

“I’m terrified as fuck, but managing to not lose my shit for Eleanor’s sake.”

Aurora gave him an inquiring glance before insisting.

“Okay, now how are you holding up for real?”

Bryce shook his head and then laughed bitterly. There he was again, opening his mouth even if a part of his head was telling him to shut up. But another part of him, one really powerful, was begging for someone who could save him from the hell he had inside his head. 

“Like crap. Guilty. Ashamed. Stupid.”—He replied sharply.

“Why?”

Aurora turned to him, but he couldn’t look at her back.

“I’ve been ignoring Eleanor for the last three days and now I can’t stop thinking of how much time I wasted. How bad she must have felt… That she’s alone there… and I…"

"Bryce, don't go there." 

“What else can I do, Aurora? What else besides feeling guilty?—He shoved his hair with both hands in frustration, still unable to look at her.—“I… I should've listened to her, even if what she wanted to say would hurt me, but at least she wouldn't have felt bad because I ignored her."

Aurora knew what was happening, Eleanor had told her the day before, and somehow, she wanted to do something to open his eyes and made him realize that nothing his mind was thinking, was real. She also knew it wasn’t her place to do it, but he was blind and the circumstances were... painfully unusual. 

“Bryce, you got it all wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“About what happened that day.”

“What do you know?”

“Everything. Eleanor told me.”

“Even about… Ramsey?”

“Yes. About him, about you.”

“And what happened between him and Eleanor that night?”

“Bryce, I can’t tell you that. That’s something you have to talk with her. But you have to know that whatever you’re thinking about that day, it didn’t happen.”

Bryce considered what he was gonna say for a second. What he had been thinking was disgusting, and he wasn’t sure how Aurora would react, but that was the only way to find out what he had been fearing to know for three days now.  

"I thought that she gave him a chance. That she… That she slept with him” He confessed, with evident shame.

Aurora gave him a humorless smile, shooking her head.

“She didn’t.”

“But Elijah told me he wasn’t at home that night, so I thought...”

“That was a misunderstanding, she slept here, at the hospital. But she… She didn’t sleep with Ramsey, Bryce. In fact, that won’t happen. Ever."

If Bryce had been feeling guilty for ignoring her despite the fact that she would break his heart, he had no idea what was the sentiment he was feeling now. There was a chance that he could lose her, and all he he had been doing was ignoring her for something that didn’t happen only because he let the fear ate him alive.

___

[achilleid]

Laisrén Blackfern ed.

— oc questions

BASICS

What’s their full name? Laisrén Blackfern

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? Laisrén is a celtic name derived from “lassar” meaning flame/fire. Blackfern is a chosen last name. If you asked him, he’d try to say he picked it because of some profound reason, like because ferns are resilient and hardy plants or something, but he entirely picked it because he thought it sounded cool. 

Do they have any nicknames? Rén. Pronounced like “rain”. 

How old are they? Time functions really oddly in the Sidhe. When he last lived in the human realm, he was seventeen human years. That was nearly a century or more ago by human time. Physically he appears about 32-33.

When’s their birthday? December 29th (human) or 9th Day of Winter (Sidhe)

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance? Capricorn/earth/tanzanite-- Laisrén believes in zodiac signs in a very nonchalant way. He is from a magical world where all kinds of weird stuff happen when someone is born, so being told some aspect of his personality is theoretically identifiable by his “sign” he’d probably just shrug like “Sounds legit.”.

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? He is a half Seelie/half-Unseelie Folk. Folk are presented in my world like a combination of elves and fae. Seelie are generally characterized by their more warm toned skin colors, affiliation with the light, spring and summer, Unseelie are associated with autumn and winter and tend to favor darker, cooler tones. Laisrén is a mix of both types. There are stereotypes associated with each kind of Folk, but ultimately it is entirely based on the individual.

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? He would definitely be a Ranger class, duel-wielding swords and using a bow. 

APPEARANCE

What do they look like? Laisrén owes 90% of his appearance to Levi Ackerman from Attack on Titan I won’t even lie. So he is roughly 5′9″, has dark black undercut hair and dark green eyes. He has a warm beige skin tone that darkens in the summer. 

Do they have a face claim? Nope!

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? His go to outfit is a black doublet with a silver jerkin over the top. During combat, he favors a set of dark leather armor and a dark cloak. Lots of dark colors. For a half Seelie, he dresses almost exclusively in the dark or jewel colors favored by Unseelie.

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? Perpetual resting bitch face. And he carries himself with an air of self-assuredness and confidence that is entirely unforced. It is just how he is. Granted, he could look cool and collected and inside his thoughts are going a mile a minute. Very good at hiding how he feels.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? Laisrén was saddled with a curse at a young age. His skin, starting at the fingertips of his right hand, is turning black and spreading upward. As of present day, his hand has blackened up to his palm. His nails grow much sharper and faster on that hand as well. Laisrén covers this with gloves.

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? Lawful Neutral

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? ISTP

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? He is a big fan of games, especially strategy games. He would love Risk, History of the World and other games like that and probably plays Folk equivalents when he can. Chess too. He’d enjoy card games there were not luck based. He also does like to read and his favorite meal ever is high tea. The man will try any blend of tea ever created and he loves having a nice herb garden.

What are they bad at? He is not the best cook. Food is something to just be consumed as quickly as possible for energy, so getting him to sit down and have a meal and just ENJOY it is very hard. He also is a fitful sleeper and is very bad at picking up on subtext or subtleties when speaking with people. He does not take hints. He does not even know a hint is happening.

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? Disorganization, MESS in general. This is both literal and figurative. Messy emotions will have him cleaning the same room, polishing the same armor or sharpening the same blade in a wholly meditative process trying to either work through or ignore his feelings.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? His secret vice is his love of sweets. Food is mere fuel until it is chocolate and covered in strawberries or something and then he is like “.... okay maybe a few bites.”

What are their goals and motivations? Currently? Managing his curse, keeping an eye on his “niece” and her son. Caring for his mother secretly. His goals later become more aligned with the main character’s and becomes ensuring the safety of those he cares for. Full stop.

What are their manners like? Any habits? He is not impolite, but he can be brash. He knows how to behave in different situations though, so his “brash” on the field and his “brash” at say a gathering or a meeting is very different. He has a habit of clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth when he is annoyed and only ever breaks eye contact with someone if he is feeling wholly and deeply vulnerable. 

What are they most afraid of? Living for centuries upon centuries only to turn around and realize he has done so alone and always will.

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? He was born in the Sidhe, but within a week was abandoned in the human realm. His childhood was spent raised in an orphanage during the early 1900s on Earth. He lived in London and sometimes falls into a cockney sounding accent when he is tired. 

What’s their family like? Well. His mom is thought to be absolutely bonkers because she pulled a changeling thing. And she is, on some level, mentally not all there. In Folk culture, there are some events that can cause a Folk to become trapped in one emotion and unable to overcome the enormity of it and remain “stuck” there. His mother fell into a Despair upon the death of her partner, so he cares for her and the remaining family of her human adopted son from the shadows.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? He is a Hound of the Wild Hunt and Captain beneath the commander responsible for training new recruits. He trains the soldiers of their ranks.

How do they fit into their “story”? He is at one point in the story, love interest, secondary protagonist, secondary antagonist. 

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like? He resides in a home called Elden Keep, which is a an old fortress manor that once was used as a hunting lodge. It has a western tower with a turret. It is a house of rich brown woods and plush green carpets and a very lovingly tended to garden.

How do they eventually die? WELLLLLLLLL-- they eventually succumb to the curse, but it is temporary. More like an emotional and mental death and then a rebirth. 

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? His commander Eimer and his fellow captains. Later, he becomes closer friends with Cyra’s group.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it? He is definitely not even the oddest of his group, that belongs to Dillion, the resident mad scientist/mage (he’s nice! just eccentric). It is a nice blend of people and neurosis haha.

What’s their love life like? (See also: ship question meme.) Do they have any kids? Prior to his relationship with Cyra, Laisrén would have casual encounters, but nothing serious. His longest fling lasted probably off and on for a few months. He has no issues with accepting and reciprocating sexual advances, but has not had a lot of experience with feelings being mixed in until Cyra. With Cyra it starts physical, but ultimately he realizes it is satisfying in a way that past ones have not been because his emotional needs are being met.

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? He looks up to and trusts Eimer above everyone. He is his best friend, his commander and his fellow Hound. They went through recruitment together, battles and all kinds of bad shit. 

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? His enemies unfortunately, when revealed, are some powerful people. He grows to hate Queen Nevan and by extension, Druth, Cyra’s uncle and the Queen’s grand commander.

Do they have any pets? He has a few horses, but he’d never refer to them as “pets”.

Are they good with kids? Animals? Good with animals. Kids he is shockingly popular with, even if he doesn’t really make an effort. They appreciate his honesty and the fact he talks to them like they understand things.

[embarrassingsmartphonegame]

Moving In - Nik Ryder x f!MC

Summary: “You know, most people exchange phone numbers before they move in with together.” “Most people also haven’t been brought together by fighting a murderous bag of bones. Also you already have it...” “Wait what?!” Leah moves in with Nik officially after Chapter 5 of Anything. It goes exactly as expected.

All the links for Anything: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 (final chapter) | Scared To Live (interlude from Nik’s POV)

Warnings: two people who bicker almost as much as they love each other, some swear words, kissing, mention of trauma and alcohol, overall pretty light-hearted

“How-” Push. “Much-” Push. “Clothing-” Push. “Do you own?!”

Nik liked to think of himself as physically strong (and he would say he had the abs to prove it). But just how can one box of clothes be so heavy? He was huffing and puffing the entire walk from the moving truck and into the Graveyard Shift, especially when they had to go up a flight of stairs to get to his--no, their apartment.

“I own a normal amount of clothes. Maybe you just need to work out more,” Leah teased as she put down her own box effortlessly on the floor of the living room, stopping to stretch her arms over her head. She had to admit her Fae power of super strength came in handy sometimes and she was thankful that she was now able to summon it even when it wasn’t an emergency.

He snorted. “Chasing monsters keeps me plenty fit, thank you very much. But you sure do own a lot of clothes for someone who loses them like you do.”

Her cheeks burned at the memory of their reunion. “I had to prove it was me!”

“That was really your first instinct?!”

“You complaining about that?”

Nik chuckled and pulled her by the waist, nuzzling her neck. “You know I would never, darlin’.”

Leah rolled her eyes and pecked him on the lips. “I come back and agree to be with you and since then it’s been ‘rook’ or ‘babe’ or ‘sugar’ and now ‘darlin’’. Is that why you’re called Nik...because you’re a...nickname type of guy?”

“Shit, rook; was just tryin’ to be romantic here,” Nik groaned as she laughed a little too hard at her own joke. Any exasperation instantly dissipated once he heard her laugh; he missed it the past three months. She kissed him again, enjoying every moment.

“I know. I just love teasing you.”

“Lil’ shit.”

“Ah, another one, Mr. Nic--hey!” Leah shouted out as Nik suddenly wrapped her up in a bear hug, swinging her around. Her shouts soon turned into laughter, and soon the small apartment was filled with the sound of both of them laughing. 

Nik finally put her down on the counter with his hands still on her hips. She rested her forehead against his, still in slight disbelief that she was moving in with him. It was only one week before that she crash landed back into his life, and after they talked things out and survived yet another attempt on their lives (he owed her his life...again), she decided to move to New Orleans for good. 

The thought of it as their apartment still felt weird to them both; but it was his idea for her to move in with him. Nik remembered giving some half-assed excuse about them being both business and personal partners so it only made sense financially...he ignored that dark voice in his head irrationally sneering at him that if he took his eyes off her for even one second she would disappear again. Leah agreed with his staunch assessment, if only to curb the fear that this was all another weird (but wonderful) dream and she was actually alone in Wyoming. She frowned at the thought of her old life. Nik noticed the pensive look on her face.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

The corner of her right lip quirked upwards without amusement as she shrugged. “Are you sure it’s okay for me to move in? After I’ve been probably the biggest pain in the ass since we met a few months ago?”

“First of all, it was my idea for you to move in; no offense but we’re technically unemployed until a client hires us and I’m in a better position from whoever hired me to protect you,” Nik answered, actually hoping that his honesty wasn’t too offensive. “And second, you’re a pain in the ass...but you’re my pain in the ass and you had your reasons for everything. I love you just the same, okay? So no saying you can’t live here unless you really don’t wanna.”

“I do have student loans to pay off...” Leah grinned. “Gotta love your definition of romance, babe. This pain in the ass loves you too!”

Satisfied and sneaking in one last kiss, the woman jumped off the counter. She tied her hair and rolled her sleeves up. “Now let’s get unpacking!”

.

After a few hours of them unpacking Leah’s things, bickering, and randomly making out (“We’re never gonna get anything done like this, rook!”), the two Nighthunters stood in their now shared bedroom, about to finish up. Nik took out the last piece of clothing: a very familiar velvet, royal purple dress with a gold body chain to go with it. He held it up to her, brow quirked mischievously.

“Any chance I could see you in this again?”

Leah collapsed the last box and put it in the pile with all the others. Her eyes moved to the dress that cost more than half her wardrobe. “Still can’t believe you picked that one out. If we sneak into Persephone again, maybe...”

“How about on a date? A real one.”

“You asking me out, Ryder?”

“What’s it look like, Mendoza?”

She couldn’t help the silly grin on her face, as if she was suddenly a teenage girl talking to her crush for the first time. “I accept. Would this be technically our first date? Because I don’t know whether to count us running from the Bloodwraith...”

“Yes, a real date, rook. But no promises that monsters won’t try to attack us or anything, sorry,” Nik responded, hanging the dress up in their shared closet space. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She smiled brightly and took a seat on the bed. “We’re really doing this backwards, huh? You know, most people exchange phone numbers before they move in together.”

“Most people also haven’t been brought together by fighting a murderous bag of bones.” Nik turned to her and sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “Also you already have it...”

“Wait what?!”

Nik took a deep breath before speaking again. “First, I wanna say I’m so sorry for this; I shouldn’t have contacted you when it was clear you didn’t wanna talk to me. Katherine offered me your number one night after I asked about you and I wanted to be selfish and take it.”

“So...you called me while I was gone?” Leah asked, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. “But I don’t remember you calling...I mean I had dreams you did a few times, but those weren’t real.”

“Well, one of them wasn’t a dream,” Nik went on. “It was nighttime and you picked up the phone slurrin’ drunk. I remember asking if you were safe, and you said you were home.”

Leah’s cheeks burned and she put her head in her hands. “Oh my God...I really don’t remember anything from that conversation. This is so embarrassing! You must’ve thought I was such an idiot!”

“No, you have nothing to be ashamed of, rook.” Nik cautiously sidled up beside her, resting a hand on the small of her back. “I’m so sorry I didn’t respect your wishes. I’m the wrong one here.”

Leah didn’t pull away, but she also couldn’t look at him. She tried to remember anything from the past three months that didn’t involve alcohol; she could count them all on one hand. “I...I really had a problem. I have a problem. I know that moving and being in a relationship won’t fix everything, but it’s hitting me that I need real help.”

“And I’m with you every step of the way.” He pulled her into a hug, letting her rest her face into his shoulder. “I meant it when I said that I’m with you...”

“To the bitter end,” Leah finished, her voice breaking at the last word. Nik tightened his hold on her, an aching in his chest as he remembered that he once kept that promise; but he never anticipated it to be her bitter end. He closed his eyes and relished in the warmth of her body against his, blocking out the memory of her cold, pale skin and still heart. Eventually he loosened his hold and tilted her chin up to look into her eyes.

“All the ragged parts of me...stitched back together when I’m with you,” he murmured only for her to hear. “I only want the same for you.”

Leah pulled him in for a warm, tender kiss. When they pulled away, a serene smile graced her features; Nik could swear there was something magical about her smile. 

“I love you, and I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings us,” she said, her voice strong and hopeful. Leah could feel her sunny disposition returning day by day, and it showed.

“I love you too, rook.” Nik pulled her to lie down beside him, their fingers intertwined. “What do you wanna do tonight? No jobs. We can go out or stay in, and I promise no snake tequila for either of us.”

Leah snorted and sprang up. “I say we stay in tonight in our apartment. Takeout?”

“You read my mind.”

“And there’s a reality show I’ve been meaning to catch up on...” Leah was already making her way to the living room while Nik followed. She babbled on about how it was a show where an American and a foreigner have to get married within 90 days for a special visa and that itself is, of course, where the drama begins and this season was especially dramatic and blah, blah, blah. Nik snorted at how invested she was in the show while they looked at food places. 

The two Nighthunters spent the entire night snuggled up on their couch, talking and eating and canoodling. Leah sighed in satisfaction as sleep eventually took over them, her head resting on Nik’s chest. She finally felt like her life was going somewhere, and all that mattered was that they were in it together.

================================================

A/N: I hope you like yet another fic of me refusing to let these two go onto the next installment just yet! Okay in reality I’ve been writing the first chapter of that and am almost done but med school got weird and my mental health took a dive and COVID-19 happened and blah, blah, blah. Bonus points if you know exactly what reality show Leah is talking about! Any and all comments are greatly appreciated, and I hope you’re all staying safe and healthy 💗

Permanent tag list: @furiouscloddonutpeanut​ @inlovewithrebels​ @mistressofspiesxenia​

Nightbound tag list: @saivilo​ 

Anything tag list: @samara-rani​ @god-save-the-keen​ @xxdangerouscapri15xx 

[thesinglesjukebox]

LADY GAGA WITH ARIANA GRANDE - RAIN ON ME

[7.21]

A collaboration of two raining pop stars...

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: When was the last time you felt queer joy? a friend recently messaged me. It's not the only message that I've gotten like it, coming from someone reflecting on how hard it is to find love in our queer identities when the spaces and support networks we've spent our adult lives creating are no longer easily accessible. Lockdown is hard for everyone, but queer people have it especially rough. I have friends who chose to stay alone rather than return to uncomfortable family situations; friends who chose to find shelter in other countries rather than go home; friends in nominally progressive, loving environments who still feel constantly micro-aggressed against. Due to COVID, I've been forced to live with my parents for four months now, during which time we've managed to avoid a huge confrontation about my sexuality--but I still feel so lonely and unseen. "Rain on Me," however, sees me. This song is big and dumb and flawed, and probably designed as fan-service, but it is so, so gay. The more-is-more sound, the delightful camp aesthetic of the promos, the millions of memes, the outrageous Chromatica merchandise are all as extra as I wish I could be. For God's sake, at one point, Ariana literally sings the words, "Gotta live my truth, not keep it bottled in." Two of the biggest gay icons in the world coming together to sing about their traumas in the pouring rain would have been cathartic pop under any circumstances, but under these, it feels like nothing short of triumphant, torrential queer joy. [9]

Tobi Tella: For the Gay Event of 2020, that beat drop is cribbed right from 2013. The two work well together, and the result is hard not to like, but I'm also finding it hard to love. [6]

Will Adams: "Stupid Love" worked as a return to form for the maximalist Gaga of yester-decade. "Rain On Me" works even better for the sweet surprise at how much energy she injects into filter house, a genre whose recent re-emergence has often felt lifeless. The growl she adds to the "RAIN on me" that punctuates the instrumental break does plenty on its own. The presence of Grande and the alternate chorus at the very end implies that there could have been more but what was left on the cutting room floor doesn't really matter when the final 3-minute product is this electrifying. [8]

Joshua Lu: At times "Rain on Me" feels like two separate dance tracks spliced together: one with Lady Gaga's hefty vocals serving as the backbone for a groovy instrumental, and another with Ariana Grande's lithe voice adroitly dancing on the pounding synths. Either can succeed on its own, but when they mix, they hamper one another. It's most evident on the bridge, where Ariana's breathy delivery clashes with Gaga's campy deep voice, which shouldn't be used there regardless -- hearing it for an entire section makes it less powerful when it pops up as the pre-chorus. [5]

Edward Okulicz: This Lady Gaga single is okay to pretty good, but the chorus is basically just "Rain Over Me" by Pitbull. [6]

Scott Mildenhall: Not everything has to be "Telephone," but Gaga's statements about "Rain on Me"'s personal significance hit home how run-of-the-mill the song feels compared with something so conceptually walloping. The deep personal connection Gaga felt with Grande is sadly inaudible, and the boldest it all gets is with her spoken delivery of the title, an appreciably camp touch in a song that is content and perhaps correct to colour within the lines, however brightly. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: Did not expect my first thought upon hearing a Gaga song to be Shut Up Stella. This shrinks a bit after hearing Chromatica, which has more massive tracks. [6]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Gaga and Ari are pop music's two greatest theater kids. Every note, every line on "Rain on Me" is perfectly calibrated to demonstrate this, to make clear their skill at acting out the role of the pop star. The musical frame of the song is sturdy enough (it's not "Fade" or "Electricity" in terms of '90s house pastiche, but it grooves deeply enough to not seem lightweight), but "Rain on Me" is driven by their performances. It's most obvious on the song's bridge, where the combo of Gaga's imperial declarations and Ari's upper register meld together in kitschy glory. "Rain On Me" isn't a perfect song-- it's a bit underwritten, and the water metaphors don't fully come together-- but it's a near-perfect performance. [8]

Ryo Miyauchi: "I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive." It's a hook that's surely, and most likely unintentionally, informed by post-COVID life, but it also reminds me of the apocalyptic pop that flourished about a decade ago when dubstep was in full swing. That subgenre's structure still lives on at a elemental level, with the chorus devoid of lyrics, just now swapped for a chic, Justice-style electro-house. While any hint of doom might be more the beckoning of the current time, Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande's eager sense of abandon taps into now as much as it does to a recent past, and I hope it will speak to us in a similar way in the future when our world seems to be collapsing again in whatever context. [7]

Jessica Doyle: The more I listen to this the less it hangs together. Is the rain heartbreak or guilt? Is Lady Gaga the victim of it or using it for her own destructive ends? (Rain can be healing; tsunamis never are.) Why does she throw that cold, commanding "Rain. On. Me." refrain into a song that's supposed to be about vulnerable acceptance? And why isn't it "I'd rather be drunk, but at least I'm alive"? (Darn it.) I'll cede some power to the image of Gaga and Ariana Grande, both wounded and relatably self-aggrandizing, stomp-dancing around together in the rain, but stripped of pop-gossip context the song won't stick around. [5]

Leah Isobel: Lady Gaga is pop Jenny Holzer. She doesn't write lyrics, she writes slogans. I'D RATHER BE DRY, BUT AT LEAST I'M ALIVE isn't quite on the level of I WANT YOUR WHISKEY MOUTH ALL OVER MY BLONDE SOUTH, but the contrast between her severe consonants and Ariana's airy open vowels provides enough scaffolding that it works anyway -- and it doesn't hurt that the bass hurtles around that line like a Ferrari. If Gaga's oeuvre is a monument to the power of sheer determination, "Rain on Me" is what happens when she wills her sadness into release, her trauma into mere prelude; it's American pop myth-making at its purest. In that sense, it's an old-fashioned kind of triumph. [8]

Oliver Maier: Lady Gaga is too much of an auteur to really relinquish control. This is why her me/us-against-the-world cowboy songs suck, because she is at her best when she rules the reality that the music inhabits. On the strongest of her imperial-era singles, desperation and desire are either crystallised into museum exhibits or performed with such dark melodrama that they feel more like elaborate theatre for which she plays both director and lead role. "Rain On Me" is about giving in and letting herself cry, but the drop hinges critically on the spoken command that opens the floodgates; it's catharsis issued with total precision. Ariana, the reigning pop queen of emotional honesty, is at home on her confessional verse and then, having run out of stuff to do, sticks to ornamentation (it's funny that she gets a "with" credit for what is very much a "feat."). There are smart decisions -- the compact runtime, the way that the aqueous filtering drives the imagery home -- and then there's the simple, house-beats-go-brrrrr monkey brain joy of dance music that sounds this sure of itself; what it's doing, where it's going, how hard it slaps. [8]

Alex Clifton: Was this designed to get me through my next run? Through the next time Louisville is pelted by rain for days at a time? Through the pandemic? I'm not sure, but I've sold my soul to Gaga and Ariana for the above reasons and am more than happy with the results. [8]

Jackie Powell: I didn't really understand how this collaboration was going to work until I remembered the similarities that Grande and Gaga share. Besides the obvious that both are Italian, both have witnessed trauma in real-time and in front of the world. "Rain On Me" is a conversation that manifests in the music itself but also in all of its accompanying media, such as promotion its Robert Rodriguez-directed video. The moment when Lady Gaga pulls the knife out of her leg is purposeful Right as Gaga forcefully hauls the knife out of her thigh, Grande begins her verse. We can't move through pain and trauma alone; that invitation into conversation and togetherness is part of the healing. The melody of "Rain on Me," which I'm assuming was written mostly by Grammy-winning Nija, was orchestrated as an internal battle-cry that is designed to be spouted out. Gaga begins singing as we expect her to, with a deep darker belt in her sweet spot. But once we hit the pre-chorus goin into the chorus, she switches into bright head voice, which is where we expect Grande to be. Ari then sings deep in her chest, around the pre-chorus and into the chorus. There's a pattern. During the bridge, they switch again, and then again in the outro. As to what's going on with Gaga and her vocal fry in that bridge and the last phrase of the chorus, some say it's just classic Gaga, The Fame Monster Gaga. While that's correct, she uses it as a tool with multiple functions. It serves as a "c'mon let's go to #Chromatica" statement, but it's also a transition that facilitates the journey. It sets up the glorious bassline that not only explodes into the ears, but was directly interpolated from Gwen McCrae's "All This Love That I'm Giving." But back to the pre-choruses: They give the listener the track's thesis and its heart. In the first pre-chorus when Gaga belts that she's ready for the rain, she's not fighting it anymore. All of that emotion is happening. The second pre-chorus is the reformation of the feeling. It's not comfortable, but we need to just let it out, let it fall, and let it be felt. "I'm ready. Rain on me." [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[katalina27ua]

RAY SHARKEY

"The chemistry between me and Kenny, put together with the dialogue from Eric, David--all the guys, loaned itself to what was happening. Also, any director that would come up would see this on the first day of shooting and get really excited and stretch themselves a little farther. And production stretched themselves for us...a lot. They went the extra mile for us because they saw what was happening and they weren't pulling the plug after fourteen hours. They were giving us that extra half hour to shoot that extra take of that extra scene and everybody was into it."

"We could not have had a better place in time to do it because everybody on the crew, from the craft servicemen to the people in the production office, would all come to the set to watch the scenes being played. And then the screening rooms in LA were packed because they wanted to see it. It was really special. Kenny and I were just going at it. We were having a good time, we knew something was up, and we knew it wasn't going to last a long time so we just continued to do what we were doing. In fact, one interesting thing that happened is that when we were shooting the last episode, that was one of the worst weeks in Vancouver. We all knew Sonny was leaving and me for too, it was really gut-wrenching. I had made a deal to do this movie and I couldn't get any farther away from Vancouver than Greece, you know what I mean? I had already made the deal and it was really solemn. The vibes were thick." We started to shoot the last episode and every hour it would get better and better and better. Specifically what happened is that we shot the last part first. We shot all the exteriors, the chase sequences in the cars, and then we went into the theatre and we stayed in the theatre for five days. We used different parts of the theatre for different sections of the episode, so what we did was shoot all the end stuff first because it was easier to shoot it there. The wild thing is that everyone would come into the theatre, take their seats and watch this play. We were covering it from a lot of different angles because it was so well written that no matter how we played it, it got better and better. Naturally when that happens you shoot the shit out of it which was what was happening take after take. And then this funny thing happened. They had to shoot my death and naturally I had this stunt guy go and get electrocuted and I had to do the closeup. I actually watched myself die. It was really, really strange and really bizarre. Everybody in the crew started crying and it was really heavy. It was over." "The funny thing that happened is that they wanted to shoot an extra episode, so they had to shoot an extra episode the following week and the joke was that we were shooting a ghost. I was not Sonny anymore. I was Ray. Sonny was dead for all of us. We all watched him die and it was really insane." "The other thing that happened is when we shot 'Good Lovin'. We had a director named Robert Iscove and Robbie was a dancer and choreographer, and I being a dancer and a singer, it lent itself to what we did. We didn't have anything laid out on paper, but we would go to the specific sections of the song and set and say, 'Okay, let's break it up into four bars each shot,' and I'd say, 'I'm going to face that way.' We didn't know what we were going to do, but they would roll the camera, roll the song and I would destroy and do whatever in one section of the place and move on to other sections, and really wing it and we had it all together. It was really wild. Nobody had ever done it like that before. That's insane to do that and get away with it, but we were on such a roll at that point." It had come from Eric Blakeney's show, 'The Marriage of Heaven and Hell' and what had happened is that the show went on as usual, but the last fifteen minutes of the show was the bachelor party and the day after the bachelor party we started shooting the second half. That night we spent the whole day shooting the bachelor party which you never hear of in television. Even Cannell came up, sat at the top of a ladder so he could see the whole thing. Everybody was there and I remember doing that speech in one take and we moved on. By the end of the night we were in a lot of trouble. Everybody was in overtime, but nobody cared. Steven Cannell gave this great speech from on top of the ladder, 'There's magic happening tonight and I want to thank you guys for what you've done for me and what we've done for each other.' He gave this great speech like, 'Go ahead, knock yourselves out,' and everybody was into it. We had a young Canadian crew and they really got spoiled. Rarely in my life do those things happen; rarely are you on the set and looking in the eyes of the crew and you're aware of what's happening. Needless to say, it took six months for me to finally separate from everybody. We were all calling each other all the time. I had not had the opportunity to see the episodes because I was away. I called Kenny and everybody and found out that the show was great." "I really didn't realize the power that it had until I got back to America because I was traveling around and everybody was like, 'Good morning, Mr. Steelgrave.' I remember arriving in the New York airport and people went nuts over me. I was turning around to see who they were goggling over. When the reruns came on it was even worse. Boxes of mail arrived at the office addressed to me. It was insane and crazy time. I thought, 'Wow, we really must have done it' and it's been wild ever since."

"Half the people who are fans caught it on the reruns. CBS put me on this promotional tour which was unprecedented. Nobody ever went on a promo tour for reruns, but the mail was so incredible that we went out and did this tour and people were giving us these Sonnyisms. I was in Brooklyn over the summer and I had this guy come up to me...I always have people come up to me and they're always big fans, they know this and they know that, but this guy knew every line of every show. I'm telling you, I was impressed. He did Sonny better than I did. He knew every line, and I mean obscure lines, he knew all of Vinnie and Sonny's dialogue." "One thing that happened is that Kenny and I worked so closely together that he knew all my lines and I knew all his. So we would do impressions of each other of what we did because we didn't get a chance to watch dailies. We would start doing each other's lines from different episodes, and we would play a game in which we would try to guess what episode the dialogue was coming from. What you really wanted to see was Ray Sharkey doing Vinnie Terranova and Ken Wahl doing Sonny Steelgrave. Then we transcended that and took it to another level. This is something that has to be in the book because it wasn't on film. We were having such a good time and our creative juices were flowing, and in between takes we created these two old guys named Archie and Sam. They were really Sonny and Vinnie, but they were like 90 years old and they farted all the time, had bad manners, loved tits and ass, you know, those kind of guys. They were stuck in an old actors home where they would discuss their days in Vancouver on WISEGUY. Those were the *real* interesting guys." "I got an award from the Viewers for Quality Television and it was unprecedented. I look back at it now and it's really very simple. That's part of the reason I've got Eric Blakeney on my new show, because I understand that these guys understand the guys they were writing about, which was about the human dilemma. They were the ones writing about themes that came out of the Bible that were very simple. That's the truth, you know. They would take things out of the Bible and Eric would say, 'Well, this is Caesar's arc, this is the Caesar week,' or this is Jacob's week or Job's week. And he really would use very simple dilemmas in terms of betrayal, honor, honesty, just real simple things that happened between men and men or men and women. And it all worked for us, because no matter what happened in the scope of things, Vinnie Terranova was a liar and he was not brought up to be a liar. Here he meets this man and they fall in love with each other because of their common denominator: morality. When people become friends, it's like an unwritten law that they know that morally, they're the same person. They know that they would not cross that line and there really isn't a price that they are willing to pay; that they're not for sale, and that makes for a bond of friendship. I think we played with that bond every week. We tried to figure out how far we could take it and the reason that the last two episodes are so powerful is that we took it to the limit. *Betrayal* That's what made it work." "I remember a San Francisco paper that had this great quote. They called us, I don't remember the exact word, but it was real sexy and it dealt with love  between two guys without homosexual overtones. It was the first time you got to see that. It was the first time that two guys got to look at each other with 'Nights in White Satin' in the background, no dialogue and them just looking at each other with no homosexual bullshit. That's a testament to David Burke, Eric Blakeney, Steven Cannell, Steve Kronish, because they wrote the material. Really, all I had to do was act it. I would love to be able to say I deserve all the credit, but that's not true. It was all on paper for me." "Every week I would come down to LA and would battle with these guys about structure, about what we should be talking about, but I would never write dialogue. I would say, 'We should be talking about love and not about bullets.' And they would get that. Kenny and I would fight for different things in Vancouver, but it was never really a fight. It was something that they always understood to be real." "A DEAL'S A DEAL was supposed to show Sonny kicking the dog and I have a knack of kicking the dog and making you feel sorry for me. That's what acting is all about. That's just a little trick that I do, although it's not really a trick. It's something you're trained to do. I was constantly getting that, but listen, there was nothing they could do to get me to perform it a different way. It's not that I was stubborn, but that's just the way it was happening existentially. Hindsight, everybody's a genius. While we were doing it, everybody was just doing the best they could. We shot an alternate ending and I think it was to placate Kenny and I as our swan song together. When we did the episode, Kenny and I were always getting all this fan mail and we were saying, 'The audience wants to see Vinnie and Sonny have a good time. That's what they want so now we have an opportunity to do it.' A DEAL'S A DEAL was a whole new episode, so we figured we could do Sonny and Vinnie on the road. They pick up a girl hitchhiking and they both fall for her and it's guy stuff. Let's get out of the gangster mode and do a friendship episode and they were like, 'No, no, no, no.' They really wanted this episode to make Sonny look bad and it didn't work. What happened, though, is they gave Kenny and I a little crumb, which was that they allowed us to shoot a tag...we shot two tags. One that was in the show you saw, and the other tag was Kenny and I in an empty ballroom at night with two girls we had been up all night with. We were partying and having a good time. The camera would start at the end of the ballroom and eventually end up real close on us. We would laugh, we'd do bumps and grinds with the girls and we'd slow dance with them. And there was one guy up there playing the saxophone and that was it. Kenny and I would look at each other and then at each other's girls and he would get a feel, like kids, and we would laugh at each other. He was with a black girl and I was with a white girl who was like a real show broad. It was really the essence of who these two guys are. We'd look at each other, give each other the high sign and start making out with the girls, and then he walked away with his girl and said, 'I'll see you, Sonny.' It was like real schoolboy stuff. I think it was a little too risque for the guys in LA and I really think it was to placate Kenny and I." "I warned them. I said, 'Don't you get it by now? Nobody is ever going to dislike me. We're eight hours into this show already and it hasn't happened yet. Do you really it's going to happen in one hour? Let's go in the other direction and make it sloppy.' They said, 'But Sonny is a murderer. He's about to kill Patrice.' I said, 'I'm doing it because he deserves it. They're going to love me killing him.' 'No, no, no, no.' Well, sure as shit...." "It did have twinges of THE IDOLMAKER. I think David Burke went and took ideas from it. I remember saying to him that there were a lot of similarities, so what they did was add a subplot about my brother and my feeling bad about him with the rifle. So, again, I wouldn't let them paint me into a corner. As long as you've got the emotional stuff going, you're all right. And I think that in doing all of this, they've really found a way of making old shows on television. If you do back and look at PLAYHOUSE 90, BEN CASEY, and the early detective shows, they're really about people. What we did in the 70's was put in a lot of action and I think if you look at the top ten shows in television today, you'll see that they're people shows. If you write good dialogue and you have good actors, say it, then all you have to do is be on a nice closeup and you can get through an hour or half hour. We've explored that area in the action crime drama genre, whereas it hadn't been explored since the late fifties and early sixties. WISEGUY is an attempt to bring that back to television. I know for me it is. My new series, that's what Eric and I would like to do and nothing less than that." "I've got to tell you, a lot of what you saw in my performance was really Ken Wahl being so in love with Sonny, and he and I being such good friends that he really would give me these little directions. Sonny had most of the dialogue so Kenny was a listener when he was with me. If he had the time to listen he also had the time to see my performance and I would let him direct me. He would and I trusted him. He'd say, 'That take was better, I think you should do it that way,' and he'd give me these little things. He'd say, 'This isn't real, Ray,' Sometimes he wasn't in a scene and he would do that. I knew when I left Vancouver that I had left a little piece of myself with him and vice versa, and it was good that that happened. We probably could have gone on for a few more episodes, but I don't think so." "Once they killed me, it was over. In other words, after the fourth or fifth episode, Kenny and I came down to Stephen Cannell's office and said, 'Listen, we think we've got something. I'd like to stay for a little while.' Stephen said, 'I have sсript commitments, sets are being built, and I've got to bring in this new arc.' He was very nice to Kenny and I, came up to Vancouver one more time, took us out to lunch and explained to us how he would *like* to, but he couldn't take the risk then. From that moment on, I was gone; I knew I was a goner and just moved accordingly." "I was getting so much mail that I had to let people see Sonny again, only as an actor I couldn't come back from the dead. Kenny Wahl had a story that worked out perfectly for him at both levels [White Noise?]. For me, it was just about going up to Vancouver and having a good time before everybody broke before Christmas and it was a reunion. That's really, for me, what it was all about and for Kenny I think it was the same thing. I don't want to take a shot at it in any other direction." "You know, Ken Wahl's whole line in the entire show, the one that made me fall in love with him as an actor was when he said, 'This is about the law, man!' For one moment Sonny believed it. At that moment Sonny looked at him and knew it was over, like all the great heroes throughout history he was just waiting to die. That's the whole deal! That's all David Burke, and suddenly Sonny is talking like Abbie Hoffman and getting away with it." "Another thing that allowed me to know Sonny even better was, for the first time he talked about his old man, and they talked about their fathers. I remember when we were acting it out, I was like choking. I didn't want to cry, so I was choking, holding it in, but whew, it was real heavy. 'Last time I saw my old man he went to buy a cigar.' He's standing there telling Vinnie that even though his father had a bread truck and a route, that really there was no difference between both their fathers. It was *so* poignant. When I hear 'Good Lovin' I can't help but think of that scene; I sing it in my head. I remember we worked for weeks and weeks, David and I, trying to pick out a song. I remember the last one we found was 'Five to one, one to five, no one here gets out alive.' I wanted to sing that or a Doors song, something that to do with really deep dark stuff and David wanted 'Good Lovin'. I remember we argued about that for weeks, but then the one line made so much sense to me. Sonny was singing into the mirror, 'I asked my family doctor just what I had...I said, Doctor, Mr. MD, can you tell, what's ailin' me?' I said, 'Of course, that's the song. How stupid that I didn't see it.' That was an interesting thing that happened." "Remember THE MARRIAGE OF HEAVEN AND HELL and the speech Sonny had made when he was walking around the table? Eric Blakeney had a whole other speech written. About a week before we shot the show there was something wrong with that speech, something that wasn't right. What happened was Eric came up to Vancouver with his wife and little baby. I went up to his room to visit him and I remember being so caught up in the fact that he had this little baby. I grabbed the baby, picked it up out of the crib and smelled its head and we started talking about life, and that that was what life really was. The smell of that baby's head and how it's interesting that old people's heads and babies' heads smell alike, so the closer you get to the void, maybe that's the scent that emanates from your body. We got into this discussion about life and the meaning of it. Whatever I was telling Eric the next day he wrote into a monologue, so that monologue was really a discussion he and I were having about his baby's head. That's what it was like; that's the artistic freedom you got on the set that day." "It was a great part and read like an old 30s gangster movie and I knew it was important for me as an actor, not necessarily for my career. I didn't foresee that or think it was going to be great. I just thought it was a great opportunity for me to act. Part of the reason people fell in love with Sonny is that I played him at a time in my life when I had no choices left as Ray but to be honest in my life and my work and it was new for me then. I had just gotten out of the hospital and been through an ordeal in my life, and this was fresh, new and honest. I had to find the honesty in every line and I had to play it real and truthful, so what happened is that a lot of who I was seeped into that part. My values, morally, politically, ethically, socially, and it transcended just being Sonny Steelgrave, it became this wonderful guy. It happened because I was at this point in my life where I had no more defenses; all the veils had been lifted from me and all the walls were torn down." --quoted material from THE UNOFFICIAL STORY OF THE MAKING OF A WISEGUY, copr. 1990 Pioneer Books PROFITT After the critical success of STEELGRAVE and the great press it brought, the WG staff was faced with trying to maintain the show's momentum. According to Les Sheldon, "We never try to outdo ourselves. We never wonder how we can top ourselves because we'll just get in our own way. We have gotten in a comfortable level of working as hard as we can with as much ability as each one can bring to the show and we'll continue to do that." But despite Sheldon's public voice of confidence there were some voices of concern. Stephen Kronish noted that, "The relationship between Ken and Ray was so comfortable and the show working so well that there were a lot of people saying, 'Well why are we getting rid of this thing? This is going so great.' But we felt that if we didn't do that, then what is Vinnie Terranova? He's not doing his job." Outspoken as usual, Eric Blakeney had his own opinion on what happened to WG after Sharkey left. "I thought after Sonny Steelgrave the series lost its edge and never got it back when we went into the Mel and Susan Profitt arc. I just felt that this was like writing for cartoons. These weren't people. These were psychological symptoms that had nothing to do with human beings whatsoever. We were putting on a freak show from that point on. I myself was never turned by helicopters landing on boats, James Bond cars and lunatic-psycho killers. They had nothing to do with people as far as I'm concerned. Everybody knows that the first arc was the best and there was no way to get it back, except to cast superstars, rock and rollers, Jerry Lewis, and so on. That's the only way they can get the P.R. and attention, by casting the flavor of the month. Someday you'll probably see Madonna and Michael Jackson as the arch villains." Now that Eric's mentioned it, Mel and his beyond extravagant lifestyle do bear a striking resemblance to the baroque villains from the Roger Moore BOND films. "The perfect analogy, you have to use sensationalism to sustain the series. Connery had the magic of the personality and the emotion. The series just doesn't have the emotion intact because Vinnie's not really forming those kinds of complex emotional relationships. His bad guys are clear cut to him. To me, the great thing about the series was the conflict between the good guys and the bad guys. You go undercover with a Mel and Susan Profitt, you know who the hell the bad guys are. Here's a guy who talks to his toes while his incestuous sister is putting needles under his toe nails. They're ordering everybody on the face of the planet killed and they make fifty million dollars a day with their drug empire. A DAY! There are many countries that don't make fifty million dollars a day. The whole thing was just completely fantastic and far-fetched." David Burke doesn't share his opinion. "There was a very strong reaction to the Steelgrave arc because this was new television. It was cutting edge and people were saying it was revolutionary and that whatever we did, we'd never be able to do it again. From our point of view, that's invalid. Why would we suddenly loose the ability to do what we were doing? I think what made the Steelgrave arc unique is that it was simply something we had never seen before. I think we've done much better shows since then, but television hadn't done what we had done before and that's what made the challenge, 'What's next for Vinnie? What is the natural growth of the character? It may not be as exciting, but if it's real, that's what important. Creatively we're the same people as we were in the Steelgrave arc. It wasn't something that we worried about." Director Robert Iscove observed, "No one quite knew where to go after Sharkey. He had become such an incredibly strong presence and everyone was saying in the reviews at the time that the show was so much Steelgrave, that they worried if you pulled him out of this, what do you have left of WISEGUY? Kenny proved them wrong."

[dippedanddripped]

Outside Noah’s shop in New York, a smiling family of tourists stops to take pictures in front of a mural of a cartoon pig in a suit with the caption “Pig Brother is watching you.”

The references to author George Orwell’s dystopian novels Animal Farm and 1984 were also printed and sold on T-shirts and trucker hats as part of Noah’s 2019 spring collection. Because in today’s polarized climate, promoting in-your-face politics is clever business—and for this almost 5-year-old brand, it is the business.

Founded by Brendon Babenzien and his wife, Estelle, in 2015, Noah has hit a sweet spot by selling an identity seemingly in conflict: surfers, skaters, and punk rock fans who want to challenge the man while wearing nicely made fabrics and colorful shirts. He’s so far bet correctly that the generation that grew up on new wave and hip-hop didn’t automatically turn into dorks once they started having children of their own.

The two of them expanded the store this summer. It’s on a downtown corner of New York where SoHo and Little Italy meet the Lower East Side. In one room are corduroy pants and madras shirts that could have been rescued from your grandfather’s closet; elsewhere are tees that reference hardcore bands like Youth of Today and the underground straight edge culture of the 1980s and ’90s.

Babenzien grew up in East Islip, on Long Island, where he developed what became Noah’s penchant for nautical stripes and the classic polos, rugby shirts, hoodies, and sweaters that dominate seafaring leisure pursuits. Imagine the staple items of J.Crew, made with the premium fabrics of a Loro Piana, with a supply chain managed as tightly as Hermès’s, but with a subversive design angle that’s entirely singular. It’s the only clothing shop in New York with An Introduction to Sailing and a copy of the Skate Jawn zine on its bookshelves.

Before Noah, Babenzien spent more than a decade leading design for Supreme, taking it from influential streetwear brand to global luxury phenomenon. He left the company two years before private equity firm the Carlyle Group bought a 50% stake for $500 million, essentially valuing Supreme at $1 billion.

Despite that success, Babenzien always wanted to run his own company, his own way. “In a business meeting before we launched this, when I said all the things we wanted to do—to make cool clothes, but not so cool that they weren’t accessible, to be responsible when it came to the environment to the best of our ability, to inform customers about making better choices, to make clothes in First World countries with environmental laws and labor laws—I was told, ‘You can’t do that. It’s impossible,’ ” Babenzien says.

And it might have been if not for Donald Trump. In the early days of the company, leading up to the 2016 election, Noah’s social media profiles were outspokenly supportive of movements such as Black Lives Matter, and it released shirts emblazoned with the words “Anti Nazi League”—all of which garnered more than a few comments telling it to “stick to business.”

Instead of apologizing, the brand did something, well, punk rock: It offered a full refund on any Noah purchases for those who planned to vote for Trump. “I kind of freaked out on Brendon, because it started to pick up some press,” says Beau Wollens, Noah’s chief operating officer. “I was scared of people taking advantage of it.”

Not only did no one claim a refund, the resulting attention brought a new wave of like-minded consumers. By its second year, Noah had opened a store in Tokyo. Later it opened two concession shops inside the New York and Los Angeles locations of the trendy Dover Street Market retail outlet.

It’s begun expanding into new product categories while still keeping true to the tenets its customers have come to love. For the fall, Babenzien has introduced traditionally made topcoats embroidered with ’80s-style track-and-field graphics. A down vest is made from patchwork paisley. There’s even a leopard-print two-piece suit and penny loafers.

All of it is conscientiously made and sourced, and volume is deliberately limited. “Brendon is very conscious of who he works with in terms of production and factories, and he makes sure the product run is not overly produced,” says Federico Barassi, senior director of menswear buying at Ssense, a luxury retailer in Montreal. “Every season we see the T-shirts, hoodies, and caps all sell out.”

Crucial to the sell-through is a strategy of raw transparency. The brand takes a page of the Everlane playbook by telling customers exactly how much their clothes cost to make, and why. The “aha!” moment came early in the company’s existence, Wollens says, when he and Babenzien came up with a blog post called “Anatomy of a Jacket,” explaining why the two-tone parka at Noah costs $488.

The brand started communicating expenses and challenges more deliberately in a series called “Breaking Down the Costs.” The first, focused on labor, explained how price increases on Noah’s hoodies correlated to Canada bumping its minimum wage more than $2. Another focused on tariffs. “This is one of those things that sounds a world away,” it reads. “But it’s frightening for small brands like us.”

Honest accounting such as this helps communicate these pressures to consumers and to explain brand priorities like a commitment to fine materials and fair wages. “Over the last few decades, the American public has gotten used to a price—whether it be for a T-shirt or a cup of coffee—that is not an honest price,” Babenzien says. “If you had to factor in the human component, other people’s lives, how much they’re getting paid, what their life is like, then the price is a lot.”

Customers, Wollens says, have been overwhelmingly receptive to the practice. “The younger consumer actually has a better idea and understanding of those things than the older ones,” he says. Oliver Chen, a luxury retail analyst at Cowen Inc., says this sort of philosophy fits in with the values of millennials and Gen Z. “Technology has really enabled transparency,” he says. “The new generation of shoppers values sustainability.”

Patagonia Inc., the venerable outdoor outfitter, is viewed by many, including Babenzien, as the gold standard for responsible capitalism at scale. But whereas Patagonia has a party-agnostic, pro-conservation ethos for protecting the environment, Noah’s “Save the Whales” shirts look banal from the front but feature detailed illustrations on the back of how the endangered animals are divvied and sold.

“I don’t have a problem with choosing sides,” Babenzien says. “Most businesspeople do.”

[scrayas-blog]

                 hey sisters ! my name’s 𝖕𝖊𝖆𝖈𝖍 ( yes, after the iconic peach salinger ) and i’m super excited to be here ! not gonna lie, i had a different idea for soraya way before i started writing her intro ( like how i wanted her faceclaim to be laura harrier but then zendaya kept calling my name lmao ), but i like how she came out !my only hope is that you guys like her too & that my intro isn’t too poorly written. it’s been a while since i’ve written a character intro, so please don’t roast me too much ! anyways, here’s my bbg soraya !

           a zendaya coleman lookalike was strolling down broadway street in their louis vuitton star trail ankle boots. soraya belanger just had a birthday bash for her twenty-third birthday. she has been living in new york city for twenty years. i hear she tends to be pernicious at parties, but also kind of soigné. ( cisfemale & she/her ) [ peach, 22+, eastern & she/they ]

statistics !

name  :  soraya evangeline belanger.

nickname(s)  :  sora, ray, raya, & so-so ( but only by her family ).

age :  twenty-three.

birthday  :  january 2nd, 1996.

zodiac  :  capricorn.

gender :  cisfemale.

pronouns :  she/her & they/them.

height :  5′10″.

hometown :  malibu, california.

nationality  :  american.

ethnicity  :  african american, german, & scottish.

occupation  :  former television personality, model, entrepreneur, & fashion insider.

label(s)  :  the aesthete, the gregarious, the sovereign & the trendoid.

aesthetics :  sexual tension, the glow of your phone at night, sharp eyeliner, glittery eyeshadow, long hair blowing in the wind, scented candles, long eyelashes, flushed cheeks, making out with someone for hours, your favorite song playing from another room, expensive perfume, rose petals on silk sheets, taking long showers, hickeys, waking up on the wrong side of the bed, gold piercings, shoes with red soles, bubble baths, golden sunsets, harsh honesty, concerts, blind faith, & red lipstick.

background !

         zorina nelson was a woman with a dream since she was a young girl and dressed up in the clothes in her mom’s closet. she loved dancing around in her heels & messily putting on her makeup – her mom never deterred her daughter either, supporting her &her seemingly outlandish dreams. she wanted to go to college for fashion, & even though she came from a family of little means in arizona, zorina’s parents worked hard to ensure that their daughter could attend school in california. four years later, zorina graduated but found herself struggling to get her name out there. she didn’t have connections like some of her classmates & didn’t know where to turn, so she began working retail while designing on the side. she was working at barneys in order to get the bills paid, but she was sad that her career hadn’t taken off the way she wanted it to.

         one fateful day, though, zorina picked up a shift on what was originally supposed to be her day off & encountered a customer that was struggling to find something to wear to an event. now, call it weird, but zorina always kept some of her pieces in the backseat of her old toyota & she ended up allowing the customer to wear her dress. the customer tried it on, loved it, & decided to wear zorina’s dress to the event. little did zorina know, but the customer was an influential woman in fashion ( think someone like rihanna but in the 90s ). skipping ahead, that same year, zorina’s brand really took off & now she was selling her clothes like hotcakes. also during this time, zorina met & married businessman nicholas belanger. the couple married in a secret ceremony in big bear, california & their relationship was known as the ‘ cinderella marriage ’ in the media.

         after a few years of marriage, zorina & nicholas welcomed their daughter soraya into the world. soraya would be their only child & the couple spoiled her almost immediately – she had any & everything she could have ever wanted. soraya spent the first three years of her life in malibu, california, but they family moved to new york city ( soho, to be exact ) due to zorina wanting to be closer to her company’s headquarters in manhattan. soraya attended some of the most elite schools that new york & money could get her, so she grew up surrounded by people of wealth & influence. by the time high school rolled around, soraya was a girl who knew what she wanted & how to get it. she wanted to be student body president ? bribe the voters. she wanted a specific superlative in the yearbook ? be fake friends with the yearbook staff. in a way, soraya was a spitting image of her father’s ruthless personality in business meetings.

         of course, it was no surprise that when her senior year rolled around, soraya was named as prom queen & most likely to be successful, or something silly like that. remember how james charles went viral by taking his ring light to take his senior pictures ? well soraya did it first, honey ! her pictures spread like wildfire all over twitter & instagram, so she soon found herself signing a lucrative modelling contract with img models ( worldwide ). her first year was rather strenuous as she was walking in hundreds of shows, but when she walked for saint laurent ss14 that’s when her career really blew up ( imagine zendaya with kaia gerber’s walk ! ). then, her covers list began to grow as well including vogue, allure, glamour, seventeen, cosmopolitan, instyle & essence, just to name a few.

         last year, soraya was cast on the e! docu-series model squad ( *devon windsor voice* do you know how hard it is to be blonde ? ) & was one of the few models uninterested in walking the victoria’s secret show. during her time as a model, soraya began dipping her toes in more than just runway & covers, including designing, collaborating, & taking a break from runway as a whole for the time being. now, she can be seen attending fashion dinners, secret shows, panels, parties & everything in between. she recently did a collaboration with colourpop & designed a collection with revolve !

personality !

         like her app says, soraya is very pernicious & soigné. as for her negative trait pernicious, it basically means that she’s super sneaky in getting what she wants. not only that, but she’s that kind of sneaky mean where people wouldn’t expect it. in front of the cameras & the important people in her life, she’s sweet & charismatic, but outside of that realm she’s the girl who doesn’t mind spilling someone’s secrets when she knows the tabloids are around or incredibly hostile around those she might not like very much. as for her positive trait soigné, it basically means that she never leaves the house looking like less than an eleven ! her edges are laid, her highlight is poppin’, & she’s dressed to the nines even if she’s only going to get lunch. all in all, soraya can be very fake sometimes & has an affinity for all things luxury.

quick facts !

100% the girl who spends most of her day in her underwear & an oversized shirt when she was nowhere to be.

never leaves the house without her bag of essentials & will cry if she’s forgotten it home.

cries very easily when things don’t go her way.

if someone asks why she’s late, her usual answer is either her eyebrows, her hair, or both.

she lives in a super cute penthouse at the four seasons which she moved into about a year & a half ago.

the way to her heart is via concert tickets, namely, rihanna & beyonce.

connections !

now, i can’t guarantee that i’ll make a page of connections or write a post, but a few from the top of my head include:

high school boyfriend !

friends with benefits / exes with benefits / enemies with benefits !

a modelling rival !

best friends !

former friends !

flat out enemies !

i’m a big ol’ sl*t for some angst, so i’d love that too !

exes on good terms / exes on bad terms !

any kind of connection from high school ?

any kind of connection from her career ?

any kind of connection at all ( i’m desperate lol ) !

[ofichvr]

( CHARLIE HUNNAM, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ) — ✧ that looks like VIDAR BJÖRK-THORSON! they’re the FORTY-ONE YEAR OLD SON of THOR ODINSON. [ they are also a S.H.I.E.L.D. TRAINER & FREELANCE TATTOO ARTIST at paragon. ] i hear they’re VIRTUOUS & BRAVE, but tend to be DISTANT & CREDULOUS. his file says that his power/ability is ASGARDIAN PHYSIOLOGY & ATMOKINESIS. you can find his pinterest HERE and his stats HERE.

triggers : ptsd , war , army / military , explosion , kidnapping - pls lmk if i missed something !

i. ( childhood )

vidar was born in the very MIDDLE of a giant and extremely long lightning storm that eventually turned into a bigger storm. helene , his mother , would tell him that was where he got his middle name. STORMR. for the storm that he was born during. helene also said that once vidar was born the storm started to settle and the sun came out of the clouds. but he never knew if she was just trying to give him hope or if there was some actual honesty to the story ( especially as he got ability to control and manipulate the weather ). helene was known for her stories-- especially her bedtime stories. her best ones were about thor and loki , the vikings , odin and his queen , frigga . and gaea , thor’s true mother . and hela , sleipnir , jörmungandr , fenrir -- loki’s children . vidar always thought that’s all they were : stories. not real. vidar could remember his mother telling him and his siblings stories when they couldn’t go to sleep easily. it’s one of his most fondest memories from his childhood.

while vidar never believed his mother's stories and never believed her when she told him about his father ( thor ? the god of thunder whom he’s never met ? ) , he did however believe that he was SOMETHING. he’d never believe that he was part god-- but enhanced ? a little more believable. he healed quickly , he was stronger and faster than the other kids that he was friends with and went to school with. sometimes his senses would be more alert than usual. he could understand languages that he shouldn’t be able to. things that he couldn’t explain like when the weather would change depending on his mood. was it magic ? was he somehow a descendant of wizards ? that sentence alone made vidar believe he was seeing things that didn’t exist and was looking for something that would never be. like a father.

vidar was always a fairly good kid. he didn’t necessarily belong to a particular clique in high school , he mainly just floated. he did sports because he was good at them and he was proficient in languages and other school subjects. he was good with his hands and when it came to hands on activities. but he was exceptionally good at art. he had a lot of imagination and creativity that you would be surprised by. he could have gone on to an arts school… but he didn’t.

when vidar was sixteen he was out in the middle of a storm that nearly destroyed his childhood home. he was truly just making sure that all of their animals were safe and in the barn and weren’t still out running in the storm or injured somewhere. vidar was struck by lightning in the storm. he nearly died but he DIDN’T. he was as close as you can get. his heart even STOPPED. if he wasn’t a demi-god then he wouldn’t of had any chance at surviving. when he breathed life and woke up -- HIS FATHER was standing over him. lttle did vidar know , his mother had tried to contact thor less than a week prior when she noticed the abilities that vidar tried so hard to hide. thor was even more difficult to get ahold of then , back in the 90’s , compared to now. he didn’t even have a landline.

vidar spent the next few days with thor and getting to know him. thor taught him everything about what it meant to be asgardian and taught him everything about his powers. vidar spent that summer on asgard. he met his grandparents , his aunt & uncles , cousins , etc , etc . it was all extremely surreal and unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. when vidar went back home he was a different person & he saw the world in a different way. his father was a GOD & this WARRIOR TYPE. vidar had considered art school , it was a great passion of his and he was a damn good artist too. but things changed. when he got back to school after summer break school was the last thing on his mind. it was like his eyes had opened and could see for the first time in years. he did apply to art schools and got in to all of the ones that he applied to but his heart and mind were telling him to do something else.

ii. ( the army )

vidar signed up for the army the day he turned eighteen. he met his future wife ( now ex wife ) barely a week later. she was there when he left his small town for boot camp. they were very much a dear john love story. they sent letters back and forth when he was in boot camp and continued when he was sent around the world. he would come home for a week at a time. they got married young and had kids not that much later. their love burned but as the years wore on that love burned out.

at one point he wanted to be in the asgardian army but that meant leaving earth , leaving his family — which included his wife and eventually his children. in a way , he left them anyways. he did a lot of tours and spent as much time at home when he could. he was not much of a presence in his children’s lives when they were young but he visited when he could and sent letters as often as he was able to. him and his ( now ) ex wife would have heated arguments about his decisions regarding the army. he had chances to retire and leave but he never took them. he had chances to visit but he wouldn’t always especially towards the end of that career. his wife just wanted help with their unruly children and his children just wanted a father. vidar had an even bigger chance to leave after the incident that caused most of his team to die. ( he had signed up for x amount of years which has coincidentally came up after everything ) he wasn’t in the jeep when they went over the mine , but he was SUPPOSED to be and last minute he ended up staying behind with the others. he heard that explosion and his stomach dropped. some of those left alive after what happened left completely. vidar didn’t. while he did take a break after the incident ( which was also close to the day that his baby sister was killed and his daughter , tova , was saved ). he went home , he attended his sisters funeral , he grieved with his family as well as grieving for the army family he lost. but still , he continued on eventually and saw even more horrific things , saw his life flash before his eyes more times than he could count. sometimes he wondered why he kept on going and kept renewing his contract and then he remembered when he went back home and couldn’t deal with regular everyday life. 

vidar ended his contract with the army after a disaster with his then team. the person in charge had essentially put everyone in a horrible situation and surrounded by the enemy - a person that vidar was supposed to trust with his LIFE. vidar was left to get everyone out alive. and somehow , he did. he got everyone out alive with no fatalities and minimal injuries. vidar was awarded a medal for his heroism , which he just called “ SHEER DUMB LUCK “.

iii. ( post army + s.h.i.e.l.d. )

after years of ignoring the subject , vidar and his wife started the process of getting a divorce. their marriage had been strung along for TOO LONG and it was obvious to almost everyone that they hadn’t had a good marriage in years. the agreement was that vidar would pay child support , the kids would live with their mom most of the time and vidar would see them on weekends and vacations and every summer they would spend a few weeks in asgard.

vidar couldn’t hold down a job , he couldn’t even get a job because apparently 10+ years in the army doesn’t make it easy to get a job. he eventually finds his place and takes a few art classes at a community college and falls in love with the idea of being a tattoo artist. he starts as an apprentice and ends up being an artist that people REQUEST. 

he doesn’t stay away from combat for very long and soon enough S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits him due to his background and abilities. his ex-wife opposes the idea , mentions the PSTD he’s still struggling with how he’s good he’s been doing as a tattoo artist. she was right but he dismisses all of her comments and becomes an agent. vidar always flourished in high stress situations ; it was one of his strongest points. vidar moved up the ranks of S.H.I.E.L.D. quickly - due to his great performance. this time around it was different - he was always around for his children. always.

after years in S.H.I.E.L.D. vidar’s youngest , milo , is kidnapped by an enemy. he’s not allowed to go on the mission to rescue him due to the close connection and how emotional vidar got concerning the situation but -- he’s never been one to follow orders when he disagreed with them. so he hijacks a plane and single handedly storms the compound that he knew his son was being held at. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t arrive until after vidar had knocked out everyone and was holding his son safely in his arms. vidar quits S.H.I.E.L.D. that night. 

iv. ( present day )

vidar is focusing on his family and his kids - especially milo , who sees a therapist bi weekly. there didn’t seem to be any damage to milo - physically and emotionally. he’s been working as a freelance tattoo artist and more recently : S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited him to be a trainer for the young agents in paragon -- which for some reason he decided to agree to. 

v. ( personality )

vidar is someone who tries extremely hard but ends up messing things up. he MEANS WELL but it doesn’t always come off that way. in the military + as an agent he was hard due to the circumstances he was in. the tragedies that he has seen made him a little cold in the army but outside of that he’s a bit soft. he doesn’t keep up with pop culture and technology. vidar has a strong set of morals that he abides to -- he’s known for his heroism , even as a kid before he got into the british military. he’s not extremely close with his kids but he tries VERY HARD to mend the relationships with his kids from not being a strong presence in their life since they were born. 

tldr; he tries hard ! he loves his kids ! he’s a big softie with a fluffy cat named floof and a corgi named bear ! 

vi. ( timeline )

1977 -- born in london , england.

1933 -- is struck by lightning and learns that his father actually is thor.

1995 -- signs up for the british military and meets his future wife a week later.

1995 -- gets engaged to his girlfriend after coming home from bootcamp - they marry three weeks later. 

1997 -- tova soleil vidarsdottir is born. 

2003 -- octavius eirik vidarson is born.

2006 -- laurel carina vidarsdottir is born.

2008 -- while not there , though he was supposed to be , vidar was able to HEAR the landmine go off and half of his team die. that in itself was the beginning of a downward slope for vidar. 

2008 -- his baby sister was a fatality in theora trevor’s career as a hero. at the same time , she was able to save his child , tova. 

2009 -- milo augustus vidarson is born.

2010 -- leaves the army after being gifted an award for his heroism in a disaster that could have killed him and his whole team.

2010 -- vidar & wife start talking about a divorce.

2011 -- divorce is finalized. 

2013 -- he’s recruited into S.H.I.E.L.D.

2018 -- at the end of the year , milo , vidar’s youngest is kidnapped by an enemy of S.H.I.E.L.D. and vidar quits that same day.

2019 -- starts training the young + new S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits after vowing that he would never return.

vii. ( connections / relationships )

MILO AUGUSTUS VIDARSON. / 9. / milo is vidar’s youngest child. he’s the baby and definitely gets away with that. milo was also the one who got kidnapped last november by an enemy of S.H.I.E.L.D. since he’s the youngest and was born a year before vidar and his wife divorced , he’s never quite known them to be together. he was also born not long before vidar left the military so vidar has been a constant presence in his life , unlike the older ones. no known powers at this time aside from the part asgardian physiology. will be able to manipulate light when he gets his powers.

LAUREL CARINA VIDARSDOTTIR. / 12. / vidar has a decent relationship with laurel. laurel is an ambitious kid and extremely smart. she has extremely high dreams and ambitions but nothing related to S.H.I.E.L.D. or the military. an engineer or president , maybe. aside from typical asgardian abilities she can manipulate lightning. 

OCTAVIUS EIRIK VIDARSON. / 15. / he’s the kid who still has glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. he always had dreams of being an astronaut until he realized that people aren’t sent into space anymore. extremely protective of his older and younger siblings. aside from asgardian abilities he can also fly & manipulate temperature. 

TOVA SOLEIL VIDARSDOTTIR. / 21. / @tofuisms. / their relationship is... definitely rocky. he was extremely proud of her going into the military , just like he did. but now he just wishes that she would get out since he had a lot of troubles in the military and still deals with PTSD. he loves her but has difficulty telling her how proud he is of her and how much he wishes that he was more like her. 

ADRIAN TREVOR. / not only did they serve together but they are also the closest of bros. the situation with tova , his sister and theora leaves things a little complicated sometimes but he would do anything for adrian. 

AVA BARTON. / vidar met ava when he was serving overseas and they immediately clicked. she reminded him a lot of his own kids due to their age gap which is where their relationship started. 

THEORA TREVOR. / this one is... a bit complicated. vidar is grateful that she was able to save his daughter but at the same time he feels anger because she wasn’t able to save his baby sister. and she’s the sister of his best friend. 

THERESA DAWN BJÖRK. / theresa was adopted by helene björk as a baby. she was around eleven years younger than vidar and despite the age gap theresa and vidar were as close as ever. the entire family loved her with every ounce of their being. she radiated pure sunshine and happiness. while she had many reasons to be a negative person — she never quite was. she was always able to look on the bright side of things. she loved herself and others unconditionally. maybe it was because of that that she died so young. and because she wanted to help and SAVE people. vidar wasn’t there when theresa died and tova was saved by theora but he can imagine theresa telling theora to save tova INSTEAD. or even sacrificing herself so the others could get to safety. he’s never asked about the finer details concerning his sisters death. because maybe if he had been there then he could have stopped it.

BUCKY BARNES. / the first person he dated after the divorce and the first person he introduced his kids too. they dated when vidar wasn’t in the best place because he was trying to find himself after leaving the army. but vidar loved him and bucky accepted everything when they dated. their breakup was a lot on vidar but he eventually was able to move on.

HELENE BJÖRK. / helene raised three kids all by herself and to vidar , she’s a goddamn superhero. he’s 100% a momma’s boi. 

THOR ODINSON. / he named one of his kids after thor so yeah... vidar loves his dad a lot !

MAGGIE THANOSDOTTIR. / vidar couldn’t tell you how they’re related but they are. and they train together a lot ! 

DANIEL FOSTER-THORSON. / half sibling who is closer to vidar’s kids than vidar , which vidar is fine with. 

BEAR. / 3 year old corgi that vidar adopted from an animal rescue. not a service dog but ... might as well be. 

FLOOF. / 11 year old white and fluffy cat. she’s grumpy but loving. vidar is her favorite. 

viii. ( wanted connections )

( RAISED WITH ) SIBLING. vidar has one sibling that he was raised with that is still alive , they’re probably much closer compared to their other siblings not only due to the giant age gap ( and physical age gap ) but also because they were raised together. their adopted baby sister died 10 years ago because theora trevor wasn’t able to save her ( but was able to save tova , vidar’s daughter ! so u kno ! conflicted feelings ! ) they would be 35-48 ( 42+ if with thor since vidar didn’t meet thor until he was 16 ). Honestly , they could be adopted , a child of thor + helene ,,, or a child of helene + someone else !! bonus points 4 helene + another asgardian god bc … she got a TYPE !! 

fc suggestions : ( 1/2 white if bio ! ) daniel henney , zoe saldana , hayley atwell , jamie clayton , alexis bledel , ryan hurst , paul wesley , matt czuchry , jason momoa , charlie cox , mads mikkelsen , kate walsh , skeet ulrich , garrett hedlund , simon baker , joe manganiello , maggie q.

( 1 of 2 ) CHILDREN. vidar has two children who are of playable ages. tova is 21 and the other one can be 23 or 17-19 ! as for the relationship,,,,, it’ll depend. vidar wasn’t around a lot due to being in the army. he was around when he could - which was never enough. vidar + their mom got divorced after a few months of him being back bc it just didn’t work out. the kids live with him atm ( for rp reasons since the mom isn’t being played rn ) but usually they have a typical divorced parent deal where he gets the kids on weekends and a few weeks during school vacations and some holidays. abilities wise , they’d just have a lesser version of what vidar has. vidar loves his kids so much ... he just isn’t always the best with saying that. he’s better with actions than words. 

fc suggestions : ( must b white ) olivia holt , natalia alyn lind , nicole maines , elliot fletcher , chloe grace moretz , alice pagani , sabrina carpenter , peyton r list , ester esposito , kelli berglund , jared gilmore , chandler riggs , asa butterfield , katelyn nacon , xavier serrano , luke benward , joe keery , ludovico tersigni , ulrikke falch , henrik holm , nat wolff , blake michael , nat wolff , billie eilish , madelaine petsch , herman tommeraas , robbie kay , jenny boyd , harry styles , joey king , ella purnell , bailee madison , kat mcnamara , abigail cowen , ludovica martino , milena tscharntke , kennedy hermansen , michelangelo fortuzzi , miguel herran , dylan sprayberry , benjamain wadsworth , margot robbie , cara delevigne.

EX WIFE. they met when they were young and got married and had a wedding right before vidar was deployed. they were married for a long time but only dated for a few months before they decided they wanted to get engaged. they also started having children fairly young. it could’ve been one of the reasons why they got married young !! vidar hasn’t been the best husband. he went on a lot of tours and wasn’t around a ton. he also went through a lot of PTSD that he still deals with today. she could’ve also been in the military , even if it was for a short time. also military fam ?? that b cute. they have five kids ( 21 , 15 , 12 , 9 + a playable one who is 23 or 17-19 ). their whole marriage was strung along for a long time and a lot longer than it should have but they both really tried to make things work once vidar retired from the military. they definitely could have had an open relationship ,,,, an on and off relationship ,,, etc !! I’m honestly SO OPEN for anything !! Just lmk ur ideas !! and ill b happy to change things around !! i would definitely LOVE it if she was a child of another asgardian like karnilla , skurge , fandral , lorelei ( adopted ) , brunnhilde , idunn !! some other suggestions : donna troy , artemis of bana-mighdall , circe , death (dc or marvel) , raven darkholme , logan howlett , natasha romanoff , hercules ... etc. literally anyone that could have a child who’s 40+. age range for her: 40-44 ( vidar is 41 now and was 18 when they started dating ).

fc suggestions : ( must be white ) isla fisher , amy adams , jessica chastain , jennifer garner , anne hathaway , charlize theron , yael grobglas , rachel bilson , morena baccarin , minka kelly , kristen bell , zooey deschanel , alexandra breckenridge , bridget regan , alison brie , lauren cohan , aj cook , winona ryder , rachel mcadams , meghan ory , krysten ritter , jenny slate , sarah paulson , christina hendricks , vera farmiga , angelia jolie , gillian anderson , holly marie combs , amy acker , sarah michelle gellar.

FRIENDS FROM THE MILITARY. vidar was in the british army from 1995 to 2010 so he’s met a lot of people - not even reserved for others in the british military - open to people from the us military , etc ! also check out adrian trevor’s army skwad wc on the main ... !

STUDENTS. vidar is currently training young S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and new agents ! any age and don’t just have to be kids of canon S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.

CO-WORKERS. for when he was an agent which was 2013 to 2018. his ending to being an agent wasn’t the best since it involved his son being kidnapped and vidar going against orders and stealing a jet and single handedly saved his son before S.H.I.E.L.D. had even showed up. 

EXES / EX HOOK UPS. would be from 2011 and onwards. though , his first serious relationship and first person he introduced his kids to after the divorce was bucky barnes. he also wouldn’t have introduced simple hookups to his kids since he’s very careful about who he introduces his kids to. 

CLIENTS. he’s a freelance tattoo artist and has made quite a name for himself -- he’s booked quite a bit in advance. also if you’re military or S.H.I.E.L.D. you’ll prob get a cool discount ! 

EVERYTHING ELSE. friends ! enemies ! flirtationships ! dates that didn’t go anywhere ! hateships ! anything !

[katbot]

Siendo deseo, deseo, Nos deseamos

This week’s Thirsty Thursday takes a peek into three different portions of my love life. I’ve been battling with the end game of this project, though it’s (hopefully) at least another 5 months in.

Siendo deseo, deseo, Nos deseamos

It’s been six weeks since my last date. Summer is cascading to an end.

Back from a weekend of Atlantic city debauchery, I decide to throw myself back in the game. I match with A, a 31 year old film maker. His pick up line is a snore. I call him out on it and within two back and forths we’ve switched to text. I’m a woman on a mission.

We decide upon Wednesday, in Harlem. A rare location but I’m vaguely still drunk from the night before; I can’t even entertain the idea of battling the heat without another shower.

I switch into shorts and a tee before grabbing a ten minute bus ride.

The bar is… A shit show.

It’s bingo night and the service is slow. I’m already judging this bloke based on his locale choices. I’ve been waiting for the bartender for about ten minutes when a tall man walks up and says my name.

He looks like a Costco brand version The Weekend. I’m on the fence about it until he opens his mouth for more than three seconds. He has an awful southern accent. When I finally get the bartender’s attention, I pay for the first round and usher us to the back patio.

It’s hot but bearable. He’s drinking a cocktail, me a Lagunitas.

He ask me about my weekend and I highlight the charitable aspect of it. He has the sleepy eyes of the Weekend paired with a defiant slouch. It reminds of a bratty kid in detention.

“Sorry. Am I boring you?” I cut myself off mid sentence, eventually too irritated continue

He apologizes then admits he’s tired.

I mean, I’m tired too but I’m here aren’t I?

I say nothing and he begins telling me about his weekend at Afropunk, a festival created to highlight black arts and music. He spent the past two days, filming it. I’m interested only because my sister has gone multiple times.

He perks up a bit, but I’ve already decided this is a waste of time. I think he can tell because he moves the topic to my profile.

“I love how blunt you are. Your profile says exactly like it is. I was worried I was getting catfish.”

Blunt. Everyone keeps saying that. I mean, I know I am – but I’m not sure it’s a compliment anymore.

“Yeah, I figure honesty is the best policy– Should I get another round?”

He picks up this one. I switch to a gin based cocktail and the conversation of video games. It’s fun, and I haven’t spoken in such detail about Metal Gear and FF3 in such a long time.

He keeps laughing and drops the sentence, “Wow I can’t believe I’m talking to a female about video games.”

It stops me in my tracks, I don’t know when female became a slang word but it’s the absolutely worst. I decide to bite my tongue giving him one more chance. I don’t wanna be relied up this late, I’ve got a drink date with Mike and my heat rash flares up when I’m angry.

We decide to go to one more bar, it’s a speak easy a few blocks down. A tells me about his problems growing up black in Texas. It’s super foreign to me. Growing up in NYC has protected me from many if not all race problems. I nod along feeling sympathy but not empathy. I tune out for a while, and wonder if my future husband will be from New York. They’re so many small nuances the city has built into me that I can’t make exceptions for.

We show up to the second bar, again I’m judging him. This isn’t a speak easy, it’s just a bar with no NAME. I hush my alcohol expert voice away and walk inside. It’s a cute bar but tiny. We grab two stools, right by the kitchen. The conversation is better, we switch to comparing Tinders, Music taste, and even our sex playlist. When I finish my first drink, I ask for a final round. When I look up, I can see he’s toasted. I’m shocked. We’ve had four cocktails….the word tipsy isn’t even in my vocabulary yet.

“You’re drunk.”

“Yeah…but I don’t want to go yet….do you wanna share a drink?”

I laugh. When he doesn’t join me I ask if he’s serious.

“Yeah,” he says. “I wouldn’t be able to finish one myself.”

“Um. Sure.”

He orders an egg white gin based cocktail that I’m positive come in a couplet.

When the waitress comes over and can’t answer if it comes in a couplet, I almost ask her to bring the glass to confirm my suspicions. I decide I’m being an asshole and let him order the drink.

It arrives in a couplet.

We share, this stupidly small drink that’s 90% egg white. I make my sips huge to end this abominable experience.

When the waitress comes around she ask how we liked it.

“Awful, may we have the check please?”

She’s taken aback, but delivers the check.

It sits there for two go rounds, the second time, the waitress picks it up and realizes there is no card down.

I can feel the vein popping out of my forehead, “Are YOU going to PAY for that?”

“Oh yeah.” A hurriedly digs into his wallet and puts down a bright orange card.

Outside, he tells me he doesn’t what the night to end. 

He’s making fuck me eyes, while I rather get punched by racoons.

Lessons learned: N/A  Rating: 3.5/10 App: Tinder

Siendo deseo, deseo, Nos deseamos

Mike shows up at my office unexpected. I hear shuffling feet stop right in front my of door, and when I look over, my heart explodes. I rush over for a hug and even on my tippy toes have no way of reaching the top of him.

We catch an uber to his apartment, which is a mess as per but it’s cozy. I’m stretch out on his couch, while his dog Yogi, yips around me. I love him. Before we head to the bar, I decide to take him for a walk, Mike and I catch up. It’s been almost two months since he left the office. We’ve been texting, but it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. I forgot how much I’ve missed him.

We drop Yogs off, and head down to Floyd’s, the bar we had our first date in. I make a point to sit in the same exact seats, the universe rewards me because we have the same exact bartender. A few things are different though, I’m a lot less dressed up and a lot more relaxed. Mike and I have been friends for nearly 2 years now.

Built upon many drinks, political text, and basic whinging, we’ve become close friends. Even though, we were accidentally courting while he was on break from his long term girlfriend. I still remember the day I made my move. An uncountable amount of pints, skin tight leggings with perfect makeup, I reached across the table and grabbed for his hand.

“Well….You know how I feel about you…BUTTttt. I don’t know how you feel about me…?”

That night, he paid for our rounds, and we stood in the street trying to work out the past 5 months. He begged us to continue being friends, telling me how much our relationship had changed him, we went back to his to look at pictures of his family. He asked to walk me to the train and shook my head. When he asked if I was okay, I let out a choked “No.” and sobbed the whole way home.

“SO. I got fingered by a TRUMP SUPPORTER THIS WEEKEND.”

He laughs, “How’d you know? His technique?”

We shoot the shit for a couple of hours, but around eight. I can tell he’s tired. Mike’s my friend, but the more we drink, the more I can feel that deep appreaction for him sipping out

We head back to his, and walk Yogs one more time. When he drops off at the train, we both mention how much we miss each other.

I jokingly shout, “YA NOT GONNA GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY, MIKE.”

He screams back, “I DON’T WANT TO!!”

It brings a wistful smile to my mouth.

Rating: Omitted

Siendo deseo, deseo, Nos deseamos

K checks in to see if I’m still down for a drink. I’m on the train back from Mike’s. I forgot we vaguely made plans for tonight. I tell him, I’m leaving work and will be home in about 40 minutes. We arrange to meet on his campus. The 1 train is actually running on time, so I arrive early. I cut across the Columbia campus, texting him to meet me at a local bar called Arts & Crafts.

It’s crowded as fuck, so I head to the bathroom and text K - “Nevermind.”

But when I walk out, I bump into him. He’s holding two pints of beer.

“Fuck.”

“Sorry, I’d already ordered.”

Though, I rather a gin I take the light coloured pint and take a sip.

Yuck it’s a sour. The other is a stout. I’m confused why he ordered two different extremes. I settle on the sour and we grab a bar seat.

He’s cuter than I remember. My memories aren’t that old, considering he’s been texting me nonstop from Iceland. His paleness is still stark, and he’s blonder than ever but his scruff is a plus. We down our beers and head off to find a quieter bar.

I make fun of the college freshman tours mostly to cover for how old I’m currently feeling.

We split a bottle of red wine and I begin to slur. Somehow, probably due to me – we end up at another bar. It’s loud too, but we find a booth in the back that’s quiet.

I’m having an okay time. Drinking mostly to drown thoughts I don’t want to deal with. K is looking at me like I’m a piece of art again. My voice has melted down to a groggy sex drawl.

I like the way K splits drinks. I can pay for things, but most of the time he’s up. I’m all for feminism, but it makes me feel special when guys don’t mind being one or two drinks up.

“It’s good to see you again.”

He leans in for a kiss, it’s nice.

“Thanks you too. But y'know K. You’ve only met me twice.”

“Yes. That doesn’t mean I find you less interesting.”

There’s no hesitation in my voice when I say,

“I want to fuck you, right now, tonight.”

“I would like that.”

We try to find a hotel but I refused to pay 200 dollars in the middle of a night for anything less than a boutique hotel.

He’s sleeping on his friend’s couch, and my roommates are sleeping…

I lose the sex draw, and he pays for a cab back to mine.

He’s the second person I fuck in my tiny bed.

The planks cave in my under my mattress cave, but I don’t care.

He stays the night, despite me telling him I have to get up at seven.

In the morning, he buys me ice coffee and we take the train together.

When his stop arrives, I get up on my toes and we exchange a peck on the lips.

 His hand cupping my waist.

“Have a good day.”

When the train pulls off, I’m disturbed by how routine it felt.

I’m still not sure how I felt about K, but it’s 8am and I can hardly begin to unwrap that.

I blast Keane and flow along with the waves of the train, grateful it’s Friday.

Lessons learned: Try to go more with the flow Rating: 7/10 App: Tinder Extended.

[laetro]

Jordan Kotzebue: The Art of Telling Stories with Visuals

Jordan Kotzebue is a dedicated story artist, who has mastered the skill of sequential art and storytelling. Ready to work anytime he unlocks a little knowledge that was previously hidden from him.

Jordan Kotzebue has dedicated 15 years as a career artist, diversifying himself artistically as much as possible. He possesses a wide range of skills when it comes to sequential art and storytelling.

He first broke into the industry working on Sucker Punch Productions hit ‘Sly Cooper’ series as a cutscene character artist, story artist and animator. His speciality has been storytelling and 2D animation, but he has also been in several leadership positions including, Art Lead and Art Director. He loves working with teams and collaborating on making the best stories possible. Recently Jordan has been a part-time instructor at Digipen Institute of Technology, helping the next generation of storytellers to learn the art of storyboards and comic book sequencing.

During the other part of his working hours, Jordan works as a freelance illustrator. He has done work for Titmouse, Netflix, DC Comics, Amazon, PopCap Games, SuckerPunch Productions, PUBG, and Scifi Channel’s, ‘Krypton’.

During his free time, Jordan can be found working hard on his own comic series, ‘Hominids’.

ORDER A CUSTOM ILLUSTRATION

Q. How and when did you come up with an idea of becoming a Story artist?

Jordan: Telling stories visually has always been a passion for me. I was a comic artist before becoming a story artist. There are so many similarities between the two, but I found drawing comics to be a slow and methodical process. Whereas storyboards are fast with lots of energy. After years of comic work and its energetic speed was highly appealing. Mainly though, I wanted to keep telling stories!

Q. What does your daily routine look?

Jordan: I love sleeping. But naturally, work requires me to wake at 6 am and I don’t mind it because it gets my day going. There is something to say about the calm that happens when everyone else is asleep.

Once I have my coffee, it is often straight to work on whatever project is going on. And if there is time, I like doing a morning warm-up sketch to get my mind right. By around noon, I need to move and break up my day, so I do some exercising, before lunch.

I try to have all my work done before I sit down for dinner. After dinner, I take in a movie or a show or sometimes just read. I try not to look at my computer once the sun has gone down.

Q. What are the challenges you faced in reaching where you are today?

Jordan: New challenges always present themselves. For me, reinvention forces change and I like that because I get to learn something new. When I decided to become a story artist, I realized there was still so much I needed to learn. So part of the challenge was to be patient and let myself grow without rushing it.

Q. What is the process you follow to make your artworks?

Jordan: I’m one of those people who likes to get right to work. So I start sketching right off the bat. Just doodling and allowing myself to discover what I need to do next. Once I have a sketch or two that I like, I know all the elements that will be included in my art and I go on my “fact-finding” mission. Collecting references can be fun but I also want to get back to the art as soon as I can. The rest of my process varies depending on what I am working on. I try to be versatile in what I can do, but if I have a solid composition from the start I can take that initial sketch any which way I please. So most of my time is spent at that stage.

Q. Who or what is your muse?

Jordan: I try and find inspiration in everything I experience. Living in the Pacific Northwest, I love being outdoors any time the weather tells me it is okay. Running and hiking in the forest, breathing in that fresh air is hugely inspirational. I am also greatly inspired by other artists and creators. We all think a little differently and I find myself excited and ready to work any time I unlock a little knowledge that was previously hidden from me.

Q. How was your experience working on Sucker Punch Productions’ hit, “Sly Cooper” series?

Jordan: Working at Sucker Punch holds a special place in my heart. Not only was it my first professional art job right out of college, but it also marked the first time I got to work with my super talented brother, Travis. And we’ve had a long career of working together ever since! I also made some of my best, longer-term friendships while working on “Sly Cooper”. Many of whom I also continue to work with to this day.

Q. While working for Amazon, Netflix and many others, did it boost your creativity in different directions?

Jordan: I’ve had interesting experiences in both companies. I was an independent contractor in both situations. So I was able to work from home well before there was a pandemic. These experiences let me acclimate to that kind of lifestyle before it was thrust upon the world.

Q. Most of your drawings are monochrome, is there a particular reason for it?

Jordan: I do enjoy posting my rough work. I always feel like there is a lot of energy that often gets lost in a final piece of art. I don’t initially aim to do monochromatic work. In fact, I love working in color.

Q. Which medium or technique do you prefer using the most while creating a character?

Jordan: Mostly pencil and paper. Nothing fancy. Just something I can sit on my couch and work casually, at least in the beginning. That makes it feel like play rather than works and I think that brings out the most creativity.

Jordan Kotzebue, a story artist, expert in storytelling and 2D animation, can work on anything that excites him and involves learning.

Q. Could you please tell us about the Hominids comic series?

Jordan: Hominids is a series based on a world I created as a kid. Living in the Northwest of the United States, I was surrounded by huge green forests where your imagination could run wild. My friend and I would run around the woods pretending to be natives of the forest. When we arrived home we would then draw our adventures with our characters.

That fits perfectly with something that fascinates me as an adult, human evolution. The notion that there was actually a time in our history where more than one species of human was alive at one time is so cool! It’s like Lord of the Rings but without the magic. It surprises me that this is a genre that is largely untapped in storytelling. Prehistory makes up at least 90% of our history as humans. The stories are limitless!

Q. Which kind of story do you like the most?

Jordan: I enjoy any type of story that is engaging and has great characters that I can care about. The subject matter is a lot less interesting than it used to be for me. Once I realized genre mattered less than the core of what the story was, I started paying much more attention to the armature. Everything else is just about execution.

Q. How has your journey as a story artist and comic creator been like?

Jordan: An ongoing process. Whether my comic is successful in the eyes of the audience or if the scene I boarded gets a complete overhaul, if I learned something from the experience, then it’s a success in my eyes. I work to learn and the reward is knowledge.

Q. What is one thing that you really look forward to doing someday in your career?

Jordan: I think I would love to be a show-runner on a series. To see it through from beginning to end would be a big challenge but really rewarding to have something like that under your belt.

Q. As an educator, is there something you would like to say to the upcoming story artists/ comic creators?

Jordan: There is no such thing as “Making it”. There is only the level that you are on and the next level to strive for. That will always be the case.

Q. According to you what are the key features of a perfect client?

Jordan: Someone who knows what they want, who is collaborative, and who treats their workers with respect and honesty.

Q. What are you working on next?

Jordan: I am currently working with Titmouse Animation on the Disney Junior title, “T.O.T.S” as a storyboard revisionist. Next, I would love to storyboard on a new series or feature.

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[geminimoonbeamx]

Sweet Tooth: Part One

A/N: Okay so I’m happy you guys seemed to like this idea as much as I do. Let’s see where this takes us. In the movie I don’t think they ever mention Lance’s hometown, but I’ve always freaking LOVED Oregon and I figured he might as well be from one of the prettiest places in the country. Oh and in this story Lance isn’t a pedophile who fucks his gymnasts okurrr?

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: This story is going to have some very colorful language, this is Lance Tucker after all.

Summary: Lance Tucker has come back to his hometown with his ego bruised and his look on life more tainted then ever. When he runs into Y/N; a vibrant plus size woman he went to high school with at her bakery ‘Cake Faced’, he leaves the shop with the taste of sugar on his lips and a hunger that has nothing to do with the cupcakes

💘💘💘💘💘

Everything’s too green.

He’s still trying to re-acclimate his eyes, his corneas still tender to the vivid shades. There was no colors like this back in LA; where he had happened to spend the last decade or so of his life. He missed the blur, the sea of muted tones and bright lights that came with living in the big city.

That taste- the bitter one at the back of his throat that he had become accustomed to over the last couple months returns and he swallows it, just as he slams on his breaks. His body jerks forward violently and he snaps back to reality, his reality. Where he’s back in his old town, the shitty one where’d he’d grown up.

Hillsboro Oregon.

He was currently in the middle of main street, out to run errands for his mother. Like some kind of high school, warped other dimensionally nightmare come to life.

“Learn to drive” some asshole shoots at him from their car, the one that he’d cut off when he was stuck in his head and he jumps on the opportunity to bitch at someone other then himself.

“Go fuck yourself, cocksucker!” He bellows at the unnamed, practically un-faced man out of the window of his Audi and it’s sad, but its a relief.

Lance Tucker is once again stricken by the shit show that his life had become.

He pulls into a parking space in front of the grocery store, the stone building one of many little mom and pop owned stores in the square and sits in the car for a moment, just a moment of self loathing and pity before he adjusts his Ray-Ban sunglasses in the rearview mirror and sets off to put a dent in the list his mom had sent him off with.

Nothings really changed in this town. How sad is that? Everything’s just as he remembered it from growing up, yeah, gentrification is real and there’s a Starbucks and a Target now but not on main street. No, on main street it’s still the little stores that have been there forever. The Wilsons still owned the Pharmacy, the Karsbougs surprisingly still had their little photo studio. Huh, he thought at that. Who still wanted to get their pictures taken with some outdated 90’s back drop?

Fucking small towns.

Lance hated them. He hated them when he had, had to go recruiting and he hated them now.

Even if they did have a bit of a shrine for him here. His pictures; the one of him back when he was a teenager with him and his metals.

Gold and Silver.

At least someone had the decency to remember, to show case what he’d worked so damn hard for all those years ago.

Worked hard for what? a little, snarky voice in his head hisses at him. To end up living in the apartment above his childhood’s home garage?

Fucking bullshit is what it is.

He could kill Zach. Zach, one of the assistant coaches who just HAD to go dipping his dick into the girls. Underage girls- and who just HAD to knock up Maggie Townsend. Little bitch. He should have let Hope keep her.

He’s nearly halfway through his list, and is on his way to the hardware store when something catches his eye, sends his head turning. He cant seem to walk by it, the little shop that seems to draw his attention.

It looks so…different then everything else. Maybe it’s just because he’s never seen it before? And he thought he’d seen everything this town had to offer. A bakery? When had this popped up. He’d been here last Christmas and he could have sworn this was still the Martinez’s Liquor store…

‘Cake Faced’ the bold sign reads. In the window their showcasing their ‘Spring time Florals’.

He figures, he might as well. But really it’s like his feet operate of their own accord.

The shop is modern looking, sharp crisp lines and yet it has a warm, homey air about it. It’s also the fullest place he’d been in all day, people littering the small space.

Total hipster bullshit, he shakes his head a little bit as his eyes scan over the brightly lit impressive array of different baked goods. From macaroons to cinnamon rolls that look so lush it’s almost ridiculous.

“Hi” One of the workers behind the counter doesn’t seem overly friendly. He’s a little bit flamboyant with his bleached hair and monotone voice but he looks familiar…

“I think I went to school with your brother” Lance decides “Shane right?”

“Yeah, like it says on the name tag” Shane gives him a near sarcastic look, flicking said name tag “You seein anything you might want to sample?”

Lance chuckles at the man. He’d fit right in in LA.

“Um, to be honest kid I’m a little overwhelmed here” the 42 varieties of cupcakes glare at him dauntingly. He’s definatly holding up the line.

“I’ll grab this one, Shane” a sparkling voice breaks his thought process as you appear, seemingly, out of nowhere.

Shane cocks one eyebrow before reaching for the next waiting costumer.

It doesn’t take Lance long to recognize you at all. You’re different- yeah. Your hairs lighter and you look older, more put together then you had in highschool. Mature, maybe? Prettier, definatley. Your big e/c eyes framed by incredibly long lashes are still the same though. Your dimpled smile and chubby cheeks are still there too.

“Look what the cat dragged in” you start, your arms are folded over your chest but the look on your eyes is friendly.

“Well hello to you too, sweetheart”

You scoff at that “What can I get you, Lance?”

He’s honesty surprised to see you working at some random bakery. Hadn’t you always been like really smart? Voted most likely to end up in the Times?

“Surprise me. What’s good here?” He notes at you challengingly over the counter and you fight the urge to roll your eyes. Same Tucker.

“Well I’m incredibly biased so I think everything is good, but-” you crouch down to get a spoonful of cupcake “these are new”

You hand him the mini spoon and he sticks it into his mouth, his blue eyes not leaving yours as his plush lips close around the untensil.

You chuckle when they bulge a little bit.

“Damn that’s good” Lance moans at the bursting flavors in his mouth.

Lavender lemon cheesecake. Just about the last flavor he would have chosen himself, but it leaves his mouth watering.

“Thanks” you shrug proudly. He says he’ll take four of them and you start to box them up for him. Trying to ignore his gaze on you as you do so.

“You make those?”

“Well not that batch but it’s my recipe so you could say that”

“Really?”

“Really” you verify and half of his mouth pulls up. He remembers you being a smart ass.

“So what? Do you work here?” Lance wonders as you go to ring him out and you give him a half stupid look as he hands you his card.

“I mean obviously you do- you just don’t have a uniform on so I was just- uh” you laugh at his ramblings, or maybe it’s at the fact that he’s trying so hard not to look like he’s rambling.

“You know not having to wear a uniform is just one of the many perks of being your own boss” you inform him as you place the sage green box in a bag and hand it over to him.

“Wait- you own this place?” Lance puts two and two together. Manager? Maybe, he’d would’ve guessed but owner?

“Yup. For almost two years now” your so factual with him, in his memories you were…warmer. You and your big circle of friends and your social nature. He still recalled the people waiting outside of the classroom for you when the bell would ring. The two of you had even been friends, hadn’t you?

“Damn. Look at'chu” Lance whistles and you quirk your mouth, trying to keep your grin in check.

“Hey Y/N” your interrupted by by Max, one of the girls who works for you. She has questions about inventory that’s coming in. Lance watches you with amused, curious eyes as you play the role of boss bitch flawlessly.

He can’t help but think it’s hot, if he’s being perfectly honest.

“Welp, duty calls. Have a good rest of your day and enjoy your cupcakes” you have a buisness to run, and you’d spent too much time on him already.

“I most definatley will. You have a good one, too” Lance takes the bag and turns to leave, he doesn’t care. He reminds himself of that. But why were you so cold to him? And on that note, why had you never accepted his friend requests?

“Hey Lance?”

He turns at the sound of your call, his face a little confused.

“Welcome home”

His broad grin and little quirk of his eyeballs before he exits the store makes you sigh through your nose. He doesn’t hear that though.

He leaves the shop, lips sweet and buzzing with curiosity.

———————

@huntressxtimelady @i-had-a-life-once @zombiewerewolfqueen @spookyscaryscully @adyseesbeauty @geekyweed @maximum-effort-minimum-life

Okay guys this is short and sweet. Pretty much an intro, but I had to pump something out for you guys today. Happy Samhain, my fellow tumblarians😂💛🎃

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four