#and the telling mark not to be an asshole is in s2 but it just struck me because outie mark doesn't have someone to say that to him

[muninnhuginn]

One of the things really striking me thus far on my s1 rewatch is how much it's implied that Mark and Petey actively tested their boundaries at Lumon.

We have Mark listing off all the ways Helly could try to get out a message to explain why they wouldn't work along with the accompanying punishments (the "bad soap" and some horrific implications around laxatives if they try to swallow a message). His remark about how Milchick can't always be "nice".

Petey mentions that they'd tried resignation requests and had them rejected as part of his explanation that they'd tried all they could on the inside before trying something else. But it does carry the implication that they'd been discussing this stuff together. Especially given how they were "one of the best office friendships" according to Milchick and the whole peteymark -> markhelly parallels that the show itself asks us to consider.

Mark's reaction to Graner, diving in to take the punishment on Helly's behalf because he knew he could handle it. The fact Petey had a recording of Mark in the Breakroom and the mention that Mark had had the most Wellness sessions. Of course, the Wellness sessions likely have other factors behind them (hi Ms Casey) but the first time we see them used is because Lumon is "worried about Irving". Wellness sessions are used as a pre-punishment as a default, which again, implies some level of "acting out" to get there.

Innie Mark is often portrayed as more naïve than his outie. And, sure, he hasn't got the same grief, but he's still jaded in his own way. He comes off as a yes man in early season one, but a lot of that is because he's tried all the options available to him. And losing his main companion in these endeavours was the final straw. He's gone from having someone alongside him to having no one at all. Irving is a rules stickler and Dylan cares more for the perks than trying to escape. Not just that, but Mark now has someone to take under his own wing in the form of Helly.

So, he buckles down, tries to guide her and protect her from the worst of it all, and lets go of his own attempts to escape. Avoids even thinking too hard about them, because he's Mark and that's what he does. But he still lets it slip in his advice to Helly and his later actions in season one show that he hasn't forgotten. He's just buried his head in the sand until someone is there to tell him to stop being an asshole.

It's not that he discovered how to rebel during season one. It's that he learnt to have hope.

[vampyrial]

Sugar

summary: cooking for someone is the sweetest expression of love.

pairing: mark grayson x gn!reader

content warnings: soft yan!reader, poisoning, gaslighting, caretaking, fluffy if you ignore that reader is a lil crazy

author’s note: I never posted this here but in honor of s2 of invincible, here’s this fic I wrote after s1 😵‍💫 my first mark fic

Mark remembered his mom making pancakes on the weekends. It was his favorite breakfast when he was a kid. There was less time for sit down breakfasts as he grew older and spent more time outside the house working, going to school or hanging out with William, it remained a nostalgic thing for him. The smell of butter, the sizzle of the batter hitting the hot pan, he hadn’t realized he missed it.

Not until he woke up to the clattering of pans downstairs. Debbie was out for the day already, busying herself with work. As of late, the house had become stifling and she felt ill at ease. Mark was mostly left to his own devices for food and Mark being Mark, mostly subsisted on take out.

You had slept over (in the guest room, per Debbie’s request) and woken up early to make breakfast. Into the dry ingredients, you added a vial of powder as white as flour. You sprinkled it all in, hand inside the bowl, careful not to let it spill anywhere. You mixed carefully. With a focus as complete as ever, batter dropped onto the pan, sizzling. 

“Making breakfast?” His voice almost made you jump. You thought you were used to him sneaking up on you.

“Good morning to you too, Mark” You smiled to yourself, not looking up at him. “And yes, I’m making you pancakes.”

You didn’t look up but you could tell he was surprised by the pause and the awkward shift of his silhouette.

“I didn't…I know I only eat out these days but I don’t need you to cook for me, I feel kind of like an asshole watching you cook for me in my own house” He mumbled, looking away.

“I know I don’t need to, I want to. I’d feel better if you didn’t eat pizza everyday for breakfast.” 

“It’s not everyday, just…most of the time” He was embarrassed you’d noticed. “Are you not gonna have some?” He changed the topic. 

“I had four bowls of captain crunch at 5am, I’m not exactly sure more sugar is a good idea for me right now.”

You flipped the pancakes onto a plate, sliced a pat of butter onto the top and poured the syrup. Mark, even in his quest to be somewhat gentlemanly, could not resist. The first bite of the buttery pancakes drenched in the syrup evoked strong feelings. Longing, gratitude and love. The yearning for an innocence abandoned and the feeling of being loved was so strong he could cry.

Mark, like most teenage boys, could eat. You silently kept cooking pancakes and he kept eating them. It was a lovely morning, the air was sweet and the sky was a vibrant blue. You spent the day in Mark’s room, in pajamas, tracing shapes over his skin with your fingertips as you watched a marathon of movies he liked. He eagerly explained every gag and bit of trivia. But as the sky began to darken with the day’s end, Mark’s energy declined.

He was sluggish and he felt a bit warm. When he insisted he was alright, you still stayed by his side. A comfort he was secretly grateful for. Even when Debbie came home, fatigued, you kindly asserted that you would stay up with Mark and watch over him. It was only right, Debbie already had enough to deal with and she fussed over Mark until the early hours. If there was anyone she could trust Mark to, it would be you, just while she got some sleep at least.

You wiped the sweat from Mark’s brow with a gentle hand. You brought him water and aspirin, you rubbed his tender muscles, you changed his sheets soaked by sweat. Mark felt like shit but knowing you were there, unperturbed by his frequent vomiting, was a comfort beyond words. You even slept in the same bed as him now, holding his hand, rubbing over it with your fingers. He felt like a kid again, cared for and safe.

Even though after more than a week, Debbie wanted to bring him to the hospital, you waved away her concerns. “Part of this might be coming from Mark’s emotional state after what happened, maybe we have grief to blame for this, in part. Mark doesn’t need a hospital, his symptoms aren’t worse than the stomach flu, he just needs to be cared for” you had said, so convincingly, so knowingly, that it made her hesitate. You only had his best interests at heart. Mark even spoke up and said he didn’t need to go to the hospital. He had been in the hospital so often, he was sick of it. Even the memory of the strong antiseptic smell brought a sense of dread. He would rather be with you, at home being touched by your familiar, healing, hands.

He loved you so much, and told you as much very often. When you were showering with him, washing him because he was too winded; your wet, warm skin carefully cleaning his, he murmured ‘I love you.’ He was vulnerable, tender, worn and tired but he was certain of one thing. He couldn’t live without your warmth. Everyone else counted on him, they needed something from him and if he failed to deliver he’d be letting them down. It’d be another fuck up to add to the roster and yet another time someone he loved would look at him like a loser. But with you, he felt the closest thing to unconditional love he had ever experienced from anyone besides his mom. You didn’t care who he decided to help or what he messed up, you would always accept him. Even if you weren’t always pleased with what he did, you never judged him harshly for his mistakes. For his wins or his fails, you loved him. Mark thought it was way more than he deserved and part of him really did regret his actions more in the face of your forgiveness. He did feel like such an asshole when he found comfort in your acceptance, when you consoled him as if he really deserved it. But fuck if he didn’t need it.

He obviously couldn’t rush off saving people like he had, so he stayed safely inside. His world was small and manageable. His body was whole, if aching and feverish. That was what you intended. For Mark to be safe. He was always putting himself in danger like it didn’t matter, running off to save the world like no one else. Sometimes he would come back intact and sometimes he wouldn’t. Sometimes he was a hair’s breadth away from death. But Mark didn’t want to stay put, you weren’t strong enough to protect him directly and you couldn’t order him to. What were you to do?

A bit of poison wouldn’t do him in, in fact, you were certain it wouldn’t even keep him down very long. But buying even this amount of time was a blessing. You wanted to keep him safe, keep him inside forever if that’s what it took but that wouldn’t work. For now, you were just buying a little time and some peace of mind. You tell yourself you were driven to this.

A few days later, Mark’s strength had recovered somewhat. You fed him soup and he kept all of it down. He was relieved to be recovering even though he would miss being babied by you and Debbie’s worries eased meaning you were safe from her suspicion. He went back to school, back to saving the world eventually. You waited until enough time passed. Until you could return things to how they should be.

The moment came six months later, the previous night you two had been out with William and Eve. He’d rushed off to the city with Eve while you were in the middle of eating at some greasy pizza joint. Your heart fluttered as you gazed at the empty space next to you in the booth. At least Eve was with him, though it was a poor consolation. They were fighting the same aliens they were overwhelmed by a few weeks ago. He came home in one piece, thankfully, but he had been fighting so much lately. Cecil asked so much of him, he’d been flying off to this and that attack. He was bound to be hurt again soon, even just that month there had been threats he’d barely escaped from. It was your misfortune to fall in love with a hero, it meant that he would never really be safe and neither would you.

You called Mark to sleep over at yours when he came back that night. Your mother worked late or sometimes, simply didn’t want to come home so the house was yours. The two of you watched mafia movies, argued about whether the godfather was overrated or not and ate an ungodly amount of popcorn. The following morning, you cooked a big breakfast, muffins, bacon, omelets. Pancakes. 

He ate so hungrily it hurt your heart. He truly did love your cooking. Even though Debbie had gradually started making dinner for him again months ago, he had really missed your cooking. It wasn’t that her’s wasn't delicious, it was just…there was something that made him warm inside about the idea that you should make something for him. That you thought about him, cared about him enough. That much effort wasn’t necessarily a given in a high school relationship. It was new and nice to be with someone who showed their love for him so frankly.

You watched him eat with such a sweet look on your face. You ate with him, an omelette and bacon, for the sake of appearance. Planned out in anticipation of Mark’s tastes and in the interest of keeping suspicion to a minimum, you added your remedy to both the muffins and the pancakes. The muffins had less of it, as you knew Mark would be likely to eat more pancakes than muffins but if he chose to forgo that for the opposite, he would still be made ill. You even had plans for the unlikely event that he chose to eat neither. But Mark wasn’t rude enough to pass up food made for him by someone he loves.

Shortly after breakfast, Mark was in the bathroom vomiting. It seemed far more likely that the pizza joint with the sticky seats and chain smoking cooks gave him food poisoning than anything having been wrong with your food. In his head, it didn’t even occur to him. When you helped him into bed, he felt grateful that he was with you. It was such a relief not to say that he was fine, not to have to be brave. Nobody cared for him as gently as you did. 

Your sheets and your pillows smelled like you. Mark felt weird smelling your things but it was nice to be surrounded by comfort. You washed him in your soap so he smelled like you too. He couldn’t have wanted you more in that moment, he wanted your skin against yours. He wanted your voice, the brush of your fingertips against his. When he was well, he wanted to be someone you would be proud to be with. To be that hero you deserve. When he was this sick, he still had that desire lingering somewhere in the background but he melted down into the barest of wants. And what remained was a need for you, an uncomplicated desire. He felt as if he’d dissolve into your mattress if he couldn’t feel you.

“I’m right here, Mark” You murmured, cleaning the sweat from his chest with a cloth. You have such gentle hands, your eyes stay on his to make sure you’re not hurting him. Under your loving attention, a few tears roll down Mark’s cheek. He can’t help it, you’re always there for him. Without you, who does he have to lean on like this? His mom was already a wreck, Eve had her own problems, William had no idea how to deal with something as big as what he went through — he doesn’t even know how to deal with it. He cannot live without you, who doesn’t understand what he went through but understands what he needs better than anyone.

“What’s the matter? Does something hurt?” You asked, panicked at his tears. Mark didn’t cry easily, you hadn’t meant to put him in so much pain he’d cry. You had added just enough, you always operated on that balance. Just enough pain, just enough sickness, just enough time.

“No, it’s just-” Mark’s voice was raw. “I’m glad I’m with you, that’s all.”

You softened. Hearing him say that made you melt into a puddle of sticky sweet syrup. It only strengthened your resolve and you were overcome with the need to keep him safe. And with the knowledge that if something happened to him, you would die. When the savage, gruesome fight happened, your stomach was in knots for days while you heard no news. Your heart squeezed painfully as if you were going to have a heart attack and it went on for days. When you slept to escape the constant anxiety, you had nightmares. You didn’t even go to school, you couldn’t get out of bed for anything other than checking whether or not he’d come home. For weeks you lived in hell, thinking you would lose him. And although he was alright that time, a piece of that moment lived in you every time he flew off toward danger. 

“I love you so much, Mark” You bowed your head and rested it against his chest, hearing his strong heart beating. You pressed a kiss there, along the contours of his chest, right over his heart.

“I love you too” He mumbled weakly. There couldn’t be anything sweeter than you.

Your love was falling over him like powdered sugar. These moments, without knowing it, he had come to need them. Being sick was the only time he was allowed to fully be human. No one needed or expected anything of him. Under your care, he could be briefly vulnerable. 

That was all you needed to ease that inkling of guilt that rose in the back of your mind. Who was protecting him like he protected everyone else? No one but you. It was why you had to resort to using underhanded methods, if everyone was trying to protect him, if they only cared — you wouldn’t need to. That was what you reasoned, anyway.

Mark needed you, anyone with eyes could see that. And you had no intention of abandoning him. Whatever you had to do, in your eyes it was all the desperation of a powerless human trying to save the man they love. It was romantic, even. You anticipated the moment where Mark might put two and two together. It made you anxious and you had practiced the speech you’d give him a thousand times. “I love you and I’m scared. I’m so scared for you. I always am." But you soothed yourself with the knowledge that Mark would understand, above anyone else, you’d earned the benefit of the doubt.

Because Mark knew what he needed, even if it was something he couldn’t have expressed on his own. Even if it was something that he shouldn’t. He was only human — even if he was half viltrumite — could he really deny your feelings and his own? No. Not when you were his saving grace. How could he not understand what you were trying to do when his sentiments were nearly the same?

You were watching Mark sleep, laying next to him, his arm around you. His skin was warm and his breaths were labored. You reassured yourself as you pulled the blanket up to his chest. You would take good care of him, he knew that. He had to, he had to know. He just had to.

[phantomdreamgirl]

Been thinking about S2 Steve again

18+

After getting his heart broken by Nancy, he storms out of the party, heading for his car. On the way, he sees you sitting on the curb, crying. He'd already pinched away his own tears, but knew as soon as he was alone, they would flow again.

An overwhelming protective feeling urged him to walk over to you. You two were barely friends, although you ran in the same circle. He always seemed to smile a little brighter when you were around. His heart ached seeing you like this, so he wanted to try to ease some of your pain.

"Are you ok?" He asked, sitting next to you. "Wait, sorry, that's a dumb question, you're obviously not ok."

He actually made you laugh, as you wiped your eyes, not caring how ruined your makeup was.

"I'm very much not, but thanks for asking," you replied, looking over at him.

"Do you wanna talk about it or...?"

You chewed your lip, before revealing, "I caught my boyfriend...having sex with another girl."

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," Steve grimaced.

"Yeah, well, I should've seen it coming...he's always been a bit of an asshole," you added.

"Still, you don't deserve him hurting you like this," he consoled, wanting to put his arm around you.

"I know, but we all can't be as perfect as you and Nancy," you joked, looking to him again.

You noticed how his expression immediately changed. He looked solemn, devastated.

"Oh no, don't tell me..."

"We just broke up actually," he confessed, unable to keep your gaze.

"Oh, Steve, I'm sorry," you said, placing your hand on his.

He shrugged. "Its my fault. I don't think I'm cut out to be a good boyfriend."

"I find that hard to believe, but ok," you scoffed.

"Its true, though. Relationships are bullshit," he continued, now looking into your eyes.

"That we can agree on," you smiled.

"Can I, uh, give you a ride home?" He then clumsily asked. "I figure you wanna get outta here as much as I do."

You nodded, earning a smile from him.

Once you're sat in his passenger seat, he anxiously glanced at you before putting the car in gear and slowly driving down the quiet street.

"Do you mind if I make a little pitstop first?" Steve asked, as he turned off the main road.

"No..." you cautiously replied, your thoughts racing with possibilities.

One of your guesses came true when you realized he was taking you to Lover's Lake. You then thought how he didn't waste any time moving on to the next girl/conquest.

He parked close to the water, next to a large tree, who's shadow cast over the car, blocking out the moonlight.

After shutting off the engine, he sighed then looked over at you.

"I know what you're thinking, but I like to come out here when I need to collect my thoughts," he explained. "And I wanted to spend a little more time with you, since neither one of us should really be alone right now."

You nodded, thinking how sweet he actually was.

He turned to face you, taking your hands in his as he gazed at you.

"You deserve a guy who will treat you right, who only dreams of being with you," he quietly said, gently squeezing your hands.

You breath caught in your throat. Steve Harrington was consoling you, in his car, at Lover's Lake. This had to be a dream, this couldn't really be happening.

"You're sweet..." you managed to say, as he leaned closer to you.

"I have an idea..." he began, releasing one of your hands so he could cup your cheek. "What if we helped each other forget about tonight, about everything else, other than us?"

"I-"

"If you don't want to, I'll take you home right no-"

You cut him off by quickly slipping your hand out of his and pulling him into a kiss.

"Would this be a good time to tell you I have a crush on you?" you asked, your voice almost muffled by his lips.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Perfect time."

He kissed you softly, as your hand settled in his hair. You sighed his name as he kissed his way to your neck. He sighed against your skin before leaving a sizable purple mark.

"Wanna get in the back?" He breathily asked, raising his head so fast, his nose bumped yours.

You nodded.

You were soon laying underneath him, his body pressed on top of yours. He couldn't get enough of you, as he pressed hungry kisses to your lips. His hands roamed your body, with one sliding up your leg, under your skirt.

"I wanna feel you, angel, is it ok if I..."

His fingers toyed with the waistband of your panties.

You nodded again, almost embarrassed to speak.

"You're adorable," he smiled, before kissing you again.

His plush lips momentarily distracted you from the feeling of his thick finger sliding into you.

"Oh, you're soaked, sweet girl," he cooed, his lips now at your cheek. "All because of me?"

"Y-Yes," you breathed, back already arching from how deep he kept plunging his finger into you.

He pressed wet kisses across your cheek, as he added another finger and began pumping them faster.

You tried to quiet your moans by biting your lip.

"I wanna hear how good I'm making you feel, angel," he said, his breath tickling your ear.

Moans of his name soon filled the car, as he grinned. You pulled him into another kiss, desperation overtaking you.

"You want more, angel?" He asked, nuzzling his nose against yours.

You struggled to catch your breath, as you gazed up at him. His eyes were still beautiful, even in the darkened car. You weren't sure if you could handle more, but yet you wanted it, you wanted him.

"Yes."

He smiled, sitting up to take off his black jacket and shirt. You followed, unbuttoning your blouse and slipping off your skirt. He licked his lips as his eyes traveled your body. He then quickly took off his jeans and leaned over you once again.

"You're so fucking pretty," he breathed, against your lips. "I've always thought so."

"You have?" You asked, genuinely shocked.

"Yeah," he laughed. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Coming from you, kind of," you timidly replied.

"Ouch, but I get it."

"I'm sorry," you cringed, brushing his hair from the sides of his face.

"Its ok, I'm used to it," he said, smiling faintly.

You frowned, before pulling him into another kiss. He lowly moaned into it, licking his way into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

He moved his hips against yours, and you raised yours in return, wanting to feel that familiar pressure between your legs.

"You really want me, don't you, sweet girl?" He asked, breathless.

You nodded, while smiling up at him.

He sat up and pushed his underwear down his toned thighs. Your eyes widened at the sight of him. You unashamedly watched as he stroked himself, soft moans leaving his lips as he looked at you with hooded eyes.

You quickly took off your panties and tossed them in the floorboard.

He pressed his body to yours again, his hand still wrapped around his throbbing length. His eyes never left yours as he eased himself inside you. You couldn't help closing yours, as you acclimated to him.

"Oh, fuck, angel, you're so warm and wet..." he breathed, as he pushed himself all the way in.

"S-Steve..." you gasped, as he fucked you slowly.

"Is it too much?"

You shook your head. "No, I've just never felt..."

"I know, sweet girl," he replied, smug. "Just let me make you feel good."

You sighed his name, as he was already delivering on his proposal. The feeling of his kiss, the light scratch from his chest hair and the perfect rhythm he was fucking you were all that mattered to you right now.

"Faster, please..." you breathed, against his lips.

"Yeah? You want me to fuck you fast and hard, making you really forget about every other guy?"

"Yes, Steve, please..."

"How can I say no to you and your perfect pussy?"

He smiled, before snapping his hips against yours. Your nails raked down his back, as your lips parted and eyes watered from intense pleasure you'd never felt before.

"Fuck, after tonight, I don't know how I'm gonna live without being able to fuck you again..." he breathed, as his sweat covered your body below.

"Who said it'd just be for tonight?" You shakily asked.

"You wanna...oh fuck...you wanna make this a thing?"

"Well, I m-mean, we both just got out of relationships, s-so we should take things slow, at first," you clarified, still somehow able to form coherent thoughts.

"You're right, but we can take it slow after tonight, because you feel too fucking good, angel..."

You cried his name as he fucked you relentlessly. You then squeezed your eyes shut as you came undone around him.

He moaned your name as he fucked you through your orgasm. Your hands clung to his sweaty shoulders as he succumbed to you. His hips kept moving, with praises and more moans of your name falling from his lips, until he gave you every last drop of him.

Heavy breathing then filled the car as he pressed his forehead to yours. Your hands moved to cradle his face as you guided his lips to yours.

You then lazily made out, with you in slight disbelief that you really just had sex with Steve Harrington in his backseat.

"Would this be a good time to tell you that I have a crush on you, too?" He softly asked, making you giggle.

"Yeah," you smiled. "Perfect time."

[punkascas]

okay, so i don't want to, like, Start Something or whatever so we're doing a barely-tagged, separate post. i also realise this is mostly pointless because others have already said what i'm going to say, and did it better, with far more grace, and sound less like an asshole than i do.

but jesus louise helen christ, the weird fucked up ideas people have around abuse and personal responsibility and the effect of trauma. like as an abuse and csa survivor, it genuinely alarms me to read posts that use arguments i remember my dad making. like, i'm assuming most of this rhetoric comes from gen z — maybe that's inaccurate; maybe that's unfair. but right now i'm very much Having A Moment Here that the kids aren't alright.

no 22-year-old should be repeating the same awful, manipulative, logically and morally bankrupt justifications for violence and torture my dad says. like literally what's in the first two episodes of ofmd s2 is torture.

i love ed; he's an amazing character. taika is hella wowza top marks acting him. but like.

like.

torture, my dude. physical and psychological. trauma. harassment. that we see the lasting effects of through s2.

just. i. what??

so here we go, okay. have too many, zealously highlighted screenshots so i can dig into details.

cut to save your dashes. content warning for discussions of abuse and trauma (if that wasn't obvious), as well as spoilers for ofmd s2.

re: ed knew what he was doing was wrong and felt guilty about it at the time:

we have no on-screen, textual examples of this. not in the dialogue; not in the acting; not in the blocking; not in the cinematography or music. nothing.

knowing the crew are overworked and kind of traumatised by all the violence, ed bribes them with cake. because, as we know, cake like tea fixes everything. only ed wasn't even with them to share in the eating of the cake. he made izzy responsible for that. he doesn't give the crew a break; he doesn't choose less ethically-fraught prizes to hunt. there is not one scene of ed talking directly to the crew — until he points a gun at each of them.

we see ed crying (and drinking, and rhino horn-ing [way to help further extinction, man]) but it's always paired with shots or flashbacks that reference stede. ed is still all up in his feelings about stede, and ed confirms this when he tells frenchie the myth about albatrosses never needing to return to land. ed cannot go back, does not want to go back, because he was rejected. (like, stede is literally landed gentry, come on!) all he wants to do instead is stay at sea committing to this unhinged version of unstable, sadistic piracy.

but okay, okay. say we ignore all of that. let's say ed does feel sorry and guilty and ashamed of his actions. he knows what he's doing is wrong and unfair and cruel. that it's harming others. that it's particularly harming the dude that ed has, for better or worse, basically spent his life with (izzy; i mean izzy). ed… still continues to do the things! how far off are we at this point from the definition of malicious? you know action x hurts person b and then you do it anyway. is that honestly a better, happier, more ethically defensible reading of the character?

re: the crew didn't mutiny because they love ed despite his violent, sadistic actions.

mutinies were a thing, yes. but both historically and in the world rules established by the show, mutiny is disincentivised through threats, distraction via extra work, and corporeal punishment. we see both ed and izzy use all three of these to try to prevent the crew from disobeying orders. they didn't wait until the storm and izzy shooting ed to mutiny because they understood or sympathised with ed; they took the chance to kill him then because that was the first real opportunity they'd had. the reward finally out-weighed the risk given that ed was going to kill them all that night anyway.

again, we have no scenes, no dialogue, no visual or audio cues to tell us that the crew understands or loves ed — excluding izzy, obviously. fang could also be on that list, if you take into account his personality and his behaviour both in s1 and later in s2 in the fishing boat scene. but in the first two episodes, we only see the crew show trauma responses around ed. they talk about him but almost never to him. and when they do have a direct conversation with ed, it is either confrontation or head down, submissive, "of course, blackbeard; anything you say" placating. i'm so baffled where the show points to any sign of love from the crew towards ed before his "death".

re: ed can't be held responsible because he was suicidal.

uhm. no. hard no. a harder no than stede's brazilian cherry wood mast. fucked up people do fucked up things but part of being an adult is owning your fucked-upped-ness and not fucking up others while you work on unfucking yourself. children, children are not fully responsible for the impact of their actions on others when they're deep in their feelings, especially if they're feeling their feelings as a trauma response. this is because literally their brain cannot do that kind of control. it doesn't have that software pack installed yet. ed does have all the adult updates installed, even if he isn't running them at that moment. he has no right to take out his feelings on other people: to maim them, to psychologically torture them, to abuse them, to work them to exhaustion. to kill them. he does not get a free pass to do suicide by abused employees. (like suicide by cop but more indirect and passive and harmful.) talk about passive aggressive.

secondly, ed is not just passively suicidal and happy to find new risks that might end his life. he is very purposefully taking izzy with him (see: literally removing the bits of izzy that would help let him walk away from ed; the fact that ed becomes actively suicidal only once he thinks izzy is dead; the whole keeping izzy's corpse in front of his and stede's beach shack i mean inn — the codependence, she runs deep). ed is also putting the crew through the same risks, the same isolation, the same danger. both stede and izzy agreed that ed had gone full scorched earth policy. you don't get forgiven for the murder part of a murder-suicide pact just because of the suicide part. not to mention that no one (once again, you could potentially argue izzy as an exception) was good on a murder-suicide pact with blackbeard.

and then to say the crew felt guilty? i assume i'm misreading that. the crew. felt guilty. for ed's actions. that is, if not victim blaming and if not darvo, a very close inbred cousin of them. like hapsburg jaw inbred close.

re: ed healing and his view of himself as a monster.

to heal means, in part, to accept responsibility for the harm you've caused, whether it was intentional or not. it means making amends. it means building or rebuilding relationships where possible. it means putting the other person or persons' feelings and boundaries and need for safety above your desire for absolution or forgiveness. it means working through your own guilt and shame and anger (or whatever drove you to act the way you did) in a separate space, not with the people you hurt, but someone who can be a step removed, more impersonal and objective to help you reflect and face hard truths as needed. i say this as both someone involved in activism and community reparations and as an abuse survivor who has done nearly 30 years of therapy learning this in order to not hurt people. it's not ed's fault he's fucked up just like it isn't my fault i am. but it is on me, like it is on anyone, to make sure i limited as much as possible the harm i can cause to others because i learned some awful but very effective tricks at a young age to survive.

ed does not really do any of the above. he doesn't say "sorry". he speaks in generalised language. he complains about the cat bell (which he seems to wear only for one day, given the implied timeline with lucius and pete's engagement). i have a model ship on a stand that says "this is a safe space ship" as a joke because i work for the government and have written press releases that sound just like ed's "apology". where you take no responsibility and encourage "the culture" to move on.

so, really, my question becomes: ed sees himself as a monster. in s1, we had enough balance between ed's current actions and his referenced past actions to see this belief as likely untrue. in s2 though — i mean, is it? is that an unfair or inaccurate belief? i can understand how carrying that belief can get in the way of ed's growth and eventual healing but like. from an outside perspective of ed-the-fictional-character. he's not a "good" person. he's capable of and has done and continued to do horrible, cruel things. ethically, can you argue with that statement about him?

re: ed trying to destroy relationships because of his self-worth issues and instead the consequences of his actions proving that he's loved.

this is the point that made me go: right, no, i need to respond. i need to say my piece about this. izzy and the crew suffering ed's violent tyranny and then sticking around on the revenge anyway afterwards is not a sign of love. it is not showing love to bear pain for someone. it not showing love to let someone mistreat you, threaten you, hurt you, maim you. their actions are selfish and done to give them feelings of power and control over you. lying back and thinking of england to get through it is not love. it is absolutely a survival technique. but it is not love when you do it at the expense of yourself or others.

i also disagree that ed was trying to push people away or break his relationships with others. we know from s1 that ed is fairly blasé about whether crew members die. again, we don't see any friendly or intimate exchanges between ed and any of the crew to imply any kind of relationship there beyond "tools who accomplish ed's goals". the one exception, as always, is izzy. and as previously stated, ed seems bound and determined, in a very conscious way, to bring izzy into death with him. ed does everything in his power to make izzy want to kill ed, or at least agree that it's best if ed dies, and to want to kill himself so ed doesn't have to die alone. that isn't ed breaking that relationship; it's making it permanent in a really fucked up shakespearian way. the only relationship we see ed waffle between wanting to keep and wanting to push away is stede. after his corporate "apology" and the fishing trip with fang, all of ed's dialogue is with stede and a little bit with zheng until izzy's death scene. the crew loving ed just isn't a thing, at least not one we're shown. not from either side. ed's relationships are with stede and kind of, sort of with izzy (because he does manage to, if not fully break, do some major damage to that).

love did not save ed. ed wanting to live, because stede came back, because he didn't want to jump off hornigold's cliff in the first place, saved ed. izzy saved everyone else.

so yeah: that's it; that's the post. the rhetoric that abuse is love or that abuse can be "cured" with love or that trauma isn't lasting and serious and has impacts on people's daily lives is just. wild. wild.

and terrifying.

my dad was born in the 40s. why is anyone born in the 80s or later still defending this mindset? it honestly, truly freaks me out.

guess it's good i have a fucking therapy appointment on monday.

[mischas]

your most recent gifset sent me into a seth&marissa tailspin lolol. them (+kirsten) are the characters i believe were shafted the most in terms of character development (marissa moreso obviously). mischa and adam had such a natural chemistry that made seth and marissa work so well onscreen and i genuinely believe the show would’ve lasted a least a little longer had they known how to mine this dynamic. they had the same interests and they loved the same people! they even dated the same girl! there was just so much friendship potential there that got squandered away all bc js&so were too busy putting marissa through the ringer + making seth an asshole w no emotional depth.

I love Marissa/Seth with my whole heart so that makes me happy! My indie loser besties! You're right. They have the same background. They're neighbors. Their parents have a weird history/chemistry. They have the same musical tastes. They have the same favorite book. They're obsessed with the same people. They've dated the same person. They're both depressed. How the show didn't do much of anything with this beyond 102 is insane. What I love so much about 203 is how Seth's able to just exist with Marissa in silence on that bench. He's always so verbose and ridiculous (I say 75% affectionately) but at the end of 203 he and Marissa can just... exist. The two loneliest people in Newport!!!! I love that Mischa/Adam don't have romantic chemistry. I love that it's awkward. I love that you can tell Mischa loved Adam in early show press before things got weird and complicated in their group. It's the cutest thing in the world. We deserved more! *insert Mark Ruffalo we love america gif here*

I will forever mourn us not really getting emotional/melancholic Seth with just a side of clever quips. There was so much to mine with him as a character. They set it up in those first few episodes and then just... well, anyway. Shoutout to AB in 127/201/224 though.

I was just having a similar conversation with a friend the other day about how Adam/Kelly are duped by like s2 and strung along by the shit writing for the rest. And how they're such mirrors for the other in ways. Their show-best work is done in 224. It's also the end of their work having any (to me) emotional resonance. And that's a goddamn shame. Both actors also don't tow the show-line about the final year being a party and say things were lowkey Bad by s2. Adam straight up saying his effort/attitude would've been up to par if his scripts were as good as s1 is just....... crazy, lol. But I'm obsessed with his honesty. We need more of it from everyone else.

Kelly deserved SO much more, my goodness. Of all the adults. She absolutely kills her late s2 storyline only for the later Charlotte storyline to mostly benefit Melinda. Ridiculous. They get rid of Jimmy/Hailey/Caleb in the same season and Kelly no longer has anything meaningful to do. I just...... yikes. God forbid Marissa ever have an adult (or anyone) step in and give a shit about her suffering. Especially the one adult on the show that also has addiction problems. But no. Another massive shame since the first half of s1 sets Marissa/Kirsten up as generational parallels. In this essay I will

[wilddragonflying]

Alright, tagged by @tiltingheartand and I'm writing this on mobile bc otherwise I'll forget so forgive any typos/weirdness!

How many works do you have on AO3?

247, however a bunch of those are from the Collaborations series! It's a series collecting all of the fics that @queerpeasantchic and I have written 😁

Total AO3 word count?

3,093,324 (2,065,618 of which is from the aforementioned Collaborations)

What fandoms do you write for?

Ahahahahahaha ummmm

9-1-1, Roswell: New Mexico, Baldur's Gate 3, Fallout (as a whole), Detroit: Become Human, Sandman, Avengers, Stranger Things, Borderlands, MCU, Teen Wolf, Dragon Age, Far Cry (specifically New Dawn), The Witcher, Overwatch, House of Ashes, Harry Potter, Skyrim, Mass Effect, Justice League, Kingsman, The Quarry, Wonder Woman, How to Train Your Dragon, Buzzfeed Unsolved(don't think I actually published anything for that one tho)

Honestly like. If I'm in a fandom, odds are I WILL write a fic for it at some point

Top five fics by kudos?

A Question of Pack (Teen Wolf, sterek, canon-compliant thru I think s2? Been a while since I've reread it, but people are still reading it! Collab w/ @queerpeasantchic)

Between the Drinks and the Morning (Witcher, Geraskier, PWP)

Rumor Has It (9-1-1, Buddie, 5 times people thought buddie were divorced + 1 time they realized they want to be married)

What (Not) to Tell Your Friends (Teen Wolf, Sterek, established relationship w/ sex-repulsed ace!Derek where the rest of the pack finds out sterek have never had sex and meddle; another collab w/ @queerpeasantchic)

Two Steps Forward (9-1-1, buddie, Ramon and Helena come to visit after Ramon's retirement party and they misunderstand buddie's relationship, featuring Ramon trying Very Hard and not quite hitting the mark, but acting sincerely)

Do you respond to comments?

I will if there's a question or if the commenter is being a dick - odds are I'm more likely to respond if they're an asshole because I like tearing them apart them freezing the comment thread and deleting any other comment attempts 😂

Fic with angstiest ending?

Oh jeez I don't know I don't...... think I've ever done a non-happy/hopeful ending?????

Fic w/ happiest ending?

.... see above 😂 most of my endings are happy!

Do you get hate on fics?

Yepper-ooni 😂 I actually have a couple of fics that were motivated entirely by some idiots who didn't understand the concept of 'don't like don't read' when it comes to messed up characters having messed up relationship dynamics 😂

Do you write smut?

I sure do! Surprise myself with it sometimes, but sometimes you just gotta sit down and bang out 6k words about your favs banging

Craziest crossover?

Hmm I don't typically do crossovers, but I did write a couple leverage/supernatural fics way back when I started writing & posting fics; that's the only one coming to mind right offhand

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Ye! Or at least, had some where a request to translate was commented lol

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

See the very first answer 😂 I co-write loads of fic w/ @queerpeasantchic but I also like to talk about my WIPs w/ people like @tiltingheartand who is wonderful to bounce ideas off of and who has provided much food for thought & inspo 💖

All time favorite ship?

Oh God that's a toughie 🙈 I gotta say either Parker/Hadison/Eliot, or buddie, or maybe sterek???? It's so hard to choose

WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Oh Jesus *guiltily glances at google drive* there are.... way too many 🙈

Writing strengths?

Hmm I like to think I'm good at digging into a character's head and showing the internal thoughts

Weaknesses?

Anything requiring a physical description 😂

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

If the POV character knows the language, I'll usually put it in italics w/ a note about which language it is, but if not, then I'll describe the other speakers' mannerisms/attitude as they speak

First fandom you wrote in?

Erm I think that might've been Warrior Cats, *way* back when I first discovered fic!

Favorite fic you've written?

Without a doubt, Supplementations and Upgrades! This is a fic inspired by a Tumblr post wondering what if BioWare *had* gone with the apparent original idea of the geth bringing Shephard back to life for ME2. I wrote the first chapter as a one-off with my Shephard, Rochelle (biotic ping pong ball of death), and then the idea just wouldn't leave me alone! Ended up being over 230k words and honestly it's my biggest project to date and the one I'm most proud of 😁 I constantly re-read it, and have commissioned art for various chapters from @defenestratin! (With plans for more bc I CANNOT get enough of how they draw Rochelle 😍)

I'm gonna tag........... @queerpeasantchic @systlin @inexplicifics and anyone else who wants to give it a shot 😁

[hausofmamadas]

dfYALLLAKSJD;FLAKJSD;LKFJA;SLDKJF;AKLSDDJ I CANOOT WITH EVIDENT SUFFICIENCY ARTICULATE THE STRAIGHT UP GLEE ON MY FACE READING THIS ENTIRE FUCKINGSLKFJ THING like it's really one of those fics that ticks so many boxes, all I kept thinking was:

She's got humor, she's got flawless, inspired, indistinguishable-from-canon characterization, she's got a crossover for the ages that I may or may not have thought about to teh point of giving myself a migraine, she's got answers for what-if-things-went-a-different-way questions for days. She's perfect, she's beautiful, she's Linda Evangelista. And I knew it from the moment I'd lain eye on her bc she starts like this: There's something to be said about feeling out of one's league when you're comparing yourself to the guy who's got like ten years on you.

BECAUSE YOU KNEW I'M A FUCKING HOPELESS SUCKER FOR THOSE COLD OPEN VOICEOVER TYPELINES OKAY, YOU JUST KNEW IT. YOU KNEW IT AND YOU MARKED IT ON YOUR CALENDAR AND YOU WERE LIKE THIS IS THE DAY WE'RE GONNA STRIKE. THIS IS THE DAY WE'RE GONNA SLAP KAY IN THE FACE WITH A CRICKET PADDLE NBD

Also, can we talk about the fact that Javi was so metnally on the defensive here? like I love that Walt actually for once in his life kinda had the upper hand the entire time???? Idk exaclty why. Maybe bc it plays against type, or what's established in canon which is essentially that Walt, god bless him ...... cannot be fuckin' helped SKSKS and now that I think about it, I guess Javi can't be helped but in a different way. And ultimately, his decision to not go to Mexico at the end of OG marks a pretty big departure from Walt at the end of Nmx, who's still v much addicted to The Game. So, to see a Drop That Flip It And Reverse It with these two was a sheer fucking delight, telojuro

Before we get to the most unexpected but not ooc turn for a character that I might've seen ever in a Narcos fic SPOILER ALERT YOU GUYSSLKDFJA;LSJF;LASKJDF ;LJK WALT TAKES UPSKDFLSKDJ FUCKING RUNNINGSDKFJKSJD 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ and it's so healthy and such sincere attempt at being well-adjusted of him that I want it. I want it desperately you guysskfdjdslkfj we get this unfathomably correct description of Walt by Javi: And so far, the guy's an enigma. He's got a subtle way of making people feel inferior ... Not in a spiteful kind of way, but Javi can tell he's probably pissed off a lot of people across the border with his aloof attitude and superiority complex. He's found that working with Mexican law enforcement, the ethnocentrism steaming off American officials pisses them off more than the actual cartels sometimes.

OKAY JESSSSSUSUS CHRIST I could devote like a 3hr long video essay treatise dissecting this thing but I will refrain sksks I just have to admire the like spot on description of Walt in a way that's like .... it reminds me of the end of S1 when he's finally revealed as the narrator, before the Leyenda shitshow, and we're sort of like "wait, tf is this asshole[affectionate]?" Like he is very much cloaked in an air of intrigue pre-S2 and I almost forgot about that entirely until reading this. Also, the whole American ethnocentrism thing is really interesting bc I do think that's a pretty significant diffs between the Mexican cops and Colombian cops. Like Colombian cops bristled against American exceptionalism but they didn't resent it more than they hated Pablo Escobar. Mexican cops on the other hand? They straight up wouldn't lift a finger for you, no matter what war Miguel or whoever tf be ragin' in the streets SKSKSK there's a more palpable middle finger to the US from Mx, but idk maybe that's just me ksjks

Alright I'll shut up about all that now and finally we can discuss it: the fucking. running. He gets up to five miles and Javi feels like he could die before he's two miles in. What's worse is that Walt is just talking as usual spewing off random pieces of advice and sharing new developments about the rising beef between the Sinaloa and Tijuana cartels. Javi can't get anything but grunts and squawks out as he voices acknowledgement that he's listening.

SLKDJFLKSJDFLKSJ WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS FUCKING SUFFOCATING LAUGHING AT THIS ENTIREASDKFJA;SJ WALT AND JAVI ON MORNING JOGS TOGETHER MAYHAPS TRYING TO OUTSPRINT THOSE TWO PACK A DAY SMOKING HABITS LEST THE WORKAHOLISM DOESN'T COME FOR THEM FIRST WITH A HEART ATTACK FLSJKDKFLJ like if you've ever met anyone who's Super Into Running like in the highly specific way I imagine Walt is Into Running, I have met those ppl and straight tf up - 95 to 1, odds are they're also raging workaholicsksks like I don't make the rules but someone did and they said these two things go together like PBJ. And Javi reaches his breaking point at like the most relatable of places: It's only when the discussion veers from work to the potential idea of their workouts becoming a regular occurrence that Peña finally snaps. "How do you do this shit for fun?!" I mean... Peña has never been and never will be more right than he is right here.

But just when I'm thinking this is all fun and games, you Drop That Flip It And Reverse It once again MAKING THIS SHIT ALL POETIC AND MEANINGFULFSLKDFJ;ALKJSDF;LAJ BC THERE'S A FUCKING REASON FOR THE RUNNING AND OFC THERE IS AND IT'S GENIUS AND SO CORRECT AND MAKES ALL THE SENSE AND BROUGHT ME TO MY KNEES WITH HOW MUCH I DIDN'T SEE SOMETHING SO RIGHT COMING AT ME

"This job's gonna suck the shit out of you. Better to have running as an outlet or shit something else." ... This crusade might be the death of him. Before he goes down, he wants to make sure the game doesn't take others down too. "There's another way, Javi," he says on another run. "There's always gonna be another way, a better way to win."

OH FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFF WITH THAT THERE'S ANOTHER WAYYYYYYYSF;KLJAS;DLKFJA;LSDKFJ;AOSIJF[QIWEJ[RIJ BC HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE ALL THOUGHT THAT WATCHNG WALT IN THAT FUCKINSKSJDF RAT RACE, SEEMINGLY INCAPABLE OF EXTRACTING HIMSELF FROM THE SAME DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS AND PERSONAL NARRATIVES, ONLY TO ASK OURSELVES, "DOES THIS MAN HAVE NO SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION???????" AND YOU KNOW WTF YOU DID??????????? ON THIS DAY YOU SAID "WHAT IF!!! WHAT IF WALT DARED TO HAVE A MODICUM, A SHRED OF SELF AWARENESS!!!!! AND IM'SD;LIFJAWOEIJR IT'S JUST— IT'S INCONCEIVABLE— *sobs*

How Do You Do This Shit For Fun?

Day 2 of Narcoctober - Create a crossover for the OG Narcos show and NMX, featuring at least one character from each.

Characters: Javier Peña x Walt Breslin (DEA besties)

CW: language, discussion of drugs

WC: ~1k

A/N: Another day of Narcoctober down! Played a little fast and loose with canon and events bc there's no rules to this fandom shit. If you see any spelling/grammar errors, no you didn't. Enjoy some humor and a twinge of angst.

There’s something to be said about feeling out of one’s league when you’re comparing yourself to the guy who’s got like ten years on you.

Javi meets Walt a few months after his training period since becoming a DEA agent. He’s working out of El Paso, not on one given assignment, but working on multiple cases in the efforts to prove himself. He’s skirted by without much hazing or abuse as the new kid on the block, but he still draws the short straw and assigned the paper trail-intensive type of cases. It’s nothing you can seek your teeth into, but he bares it because this is the road to proving himself.

Walt’s able to transition out of his desk job in Sacramento and joins the crew down in El Paso under Kuykendall’s command. He takes a liking to Peña and brings him up under his wing, so to speak.

Javi’s heard the rumors, listened to the rumblings of what happened of the airfield disaster. He’s already been warned to be wary of Breslin for fear of having his own new DEA career in the hairs of being flushed down the toilet. On the other side of the spectrum, he’s heard guys rave about how much they admire the ballsy moves he’s willing to make to smoke traffickers out. Javi pays it all no mind though, wanting to form his own notions of the guy before passing judgment.

And so far, the guy’s an enigma.

He’s got a subtle way of making people feel inferior to his own thoughts and intentions. Not in a spiteful kind of way, but Javi can tell he’s probably pissed off a lot of people across the border with his aloof attitude and superiority complex. He’s found that when working with Mexican law enforcement, the ethnocentrism steaming off of American officials pisses them off more than the actual cartels sometimes. But Walt also seems to care deeply. He puts in the work, willing to go the extra mile. He’s quick to get back up after being kicked down to the ground. He takes the time to show Peña the ropes, genuinely wanting to share gems that’ll help him down the road as he continues on his journey.

They start running together in the mornings, Breslin’s way of making sure Peña stays sharp and non-complacent in his paper trail cases. Running, itself, is a relatively new hobby for Walt, something he wanted to pick up now that he’s serious about quitting smoking.

He gets up to five miles and Javi feels like he could die before he’s two miles in. What’s worse is that Walt is just talking as usual, spewing off random pieces of advice and sharing new developments about the rising beef between the Sinaloa and Tijuana cartels. Javi can’t get anything but grunts and squawks out as he voices acknowledgement that he’s listening as they run along.

Even his fucking jogs in between his sprints are fast as shit, Javi thinks to himself. It may be off hours, but he’s not going to be outdone by this guy. Call it a chip on his shoulder or just a guy thing, but it wasn’t happening even if his lungs felt like hot ass cotton right about now.

His descent to the ground is less than graceful when they take a break in the midpoint of their run. Walt simply sits on the nearby stoop while Javi stumbles and then flails his legs open on the ground. It’s a quiet area in the neighborhood, but he’d just have to get hit by a car if one happened on this silent road because he simply wasn’t moving.

He heaves in heavy breaths of air, fiending for oxygen much like the addicts that kept the cartels rich.

He opens his eyes when he hears movement and the sound of grunts next to him. They widen when he realizes that Breslin is doing fucking sit ups on the sidewalk. Peña curses to himself when he gathers himself up to start right alongside him.

“Gotta work the full body out,” Walt remarks.

This time, Javi makes no effort to hide rolling his eyes, but Walt doesn’t notice because he’s striking up another conversation about Gallardo possibly being the key to getting intel about just how expansive the cartel’s pockets were when it came to influence and corruption. At this point, Javi isn’t even trying to be engaged in the dialogue anymore. He’s just ready for this workout to end and to lay prone on his bed for the rest of the day.

It’s only when the discussion veers from work to the potential idea of their workouts becoming a regular occurrence that Peña finally snaps.

“How do you do this shit for fun?!”

His elbows scrape against the concrete like a vinyl record cutting off suddenly. He tells Breslin “fuck you” in his head when he looks over to see him still doing sit ups with perfect form, no less.

He has the nerve to fucking shrug as his reply to Javi’s question before finishing up and finally standing. He gives him a hand to help him rise along with him, which the younger DEA agent takes. “Call it a vice,” Walt shrugs again and looks down, almost as if embarrassed, “This job’s gonna suck the shit out of you. Better to have running as an outlet or shit instead of something else.”

Javi rubs at his elbows and watches the way Breslin morphs his face back into neutrality after the grim lacings in his tone just now.

They finish running the rest of their trail and Javi thinks that maybe he’s cracked a piece of the Breslin Rubik’s cube. The one-track mind when it came to tearing down cartels. The failed operations and burnt bridges. The occasional whiff of alcohol he emanated at random times throughout the work day.

This crusade might be the death of him.

Before he goes down, he wants to make sure the game doesn’t take others down too.

“There’s another way, Javi,” he says on another run, “There’s always gonna be another way, a better way to win.”

A/N: This was originally just gonna be a funny little fic but somewhere along the way, it became a mini character study as well? Sawry bout it. Click here if you wanna be added to my taglist. Taglist: @asirensrage @narcosfandomdiscord

[thekatebridgerton]

Why I really hate love triangles

So you guys know I grew up in the golden era of rom coms and teen tv. and a part I always found annoying about most teen dramas was that the main character meets the male lead and he ALWAYS had a girlfriend already.

Usually a blonde cheerleader, who was mean to the main character for apparently no reason.

Of course there was the love triangle that marked my absolute hatred of the trope: the 3 main leads in the vampire diaries.

And then I grew up and realized why I've always felt so uncomfortable with love triangles and it's that, the main person the other two are fighting for SHOULD HAVE BROKEN UP WITH THEIR PAETNER BEFORE FLIRTING WITH SOMEONE ELSE

As an adult, I understand Ms Blonde cheerleader in teen Rom coms. If you have a boyfriend who's supposed to be monogamous and he has a tendency to flirt with every nerdy brunettes / new girl in school of course you're going to be angry. Of course you're going to tell this chick that he's taken. He obviously forgot to do it himself. (Note, this guy never outright opens the conversation telling the main character he's taken)

And I hate how the love triangle plot device glorifies the fact that the main character is flirting with someone who is already in a monogamous relationship and justifies it by saying that the person their crush is dating is mean.

Like no. I don't care if he's dating Satan. He should break up with her before even putting the flirty eye on you Ms main character. That's asshole behavior

Same when it's the main character who is dating someone that really likes them, but main character likes someone else. Main character that's still a bad thing! Why are you stringing this guy along into what he believes is a committed relationship when you're still flirting with your ex/ best friend/ bad boy you know isn't good for you.

Look Elena, flirting with Damon when you're dating Stefan still makes you a morally bankrupt asshole, even if you're not sleeping with the guy! Stefan thinks you're trustworthy enough to leave alone in the same room as Damon. It's downright cruel to not breakup with him when you really like someone else.

So yeah I guess that I hate the love triangle trope because it always turns my favorite characters into assholes.

The character is either:

1) the asshole who is in a committed relationship and still thinks flirting with someone else is okay

2) the jerk flirting with someone clearly in a committed relationship

3) The heartbroken idiot who has to suffer because of the choices of the other two. But still tries their best to get the attention of their romantic lead.

I can understand a love triangle where the third person understands that the main lead likes someone else and never outright dates them because they know it's asking for trouble.

Or a love triangle where the agreement of the two who are in a committed relationship is that they're not really romantic and will never be romantic. So the third person is aware that the main lead may fall inlove with someone else one day.

But a love triangle where two people really love one and the third person is an indecisive asshole who just toys with the genuine feelings of the other two.

Why is that a romantic trope? Why do people like this? That's awful!!

And there you have it in a nutshell, why I couldn't completely enjoy s2 of Bridgerton. They turned Anthony, Kate and Edwina into something I dislike deeply

And the sad thing is that the love triangle trope, which I hate so much is usually the one that follows the jealousy trope which is in fact one of my favorite tropes ever.

This is why I find it supremely much more enjoyable when the jealousy trope doesn't evolve into a cruel love triangle and rather prefer when it's followed by the friends fake dating trope. Or when the main characters reconcile and confess their love before a third person falls inlove with one of them

And that's the tea

[underthebluerain]

ok I finally watched sanditon and while I liked s1, s2 was SO BAD I just gotta vent my ramblings somewhere so. there I go

I mean first of all the obvious one, sidney is dead and so charlotte’s romance with him is over. this one is kind of understandable since the actor left, but they could’ve recast or written him out (maybe even temporarily in the hopes of getting him again) and I’m still disappointed their story didn’t continue (he was a grade a+ asshole at first, but I gotta admit the couple won me over). I think a lot of people were unhappy with the s1 ending, but I liked it, it was very dramatic but the kind of drama that you’re like ‘yes’ (of course I only liked it thinking their story would continue and therefore wasn’t really the end...). ditto for stringer and diana, missed them.

somehow, this season managed to be both incredibly BORING and extremely ANNOYING all at the same time!! I have no idea how they managed that. at every single scene either I was pissed off or bored as hell. and it was just 6 eps and it felt like 30. no idea how they managed that.

this may have been the copy that the channel I watched it in had, but it seemed like this season had like a lighter, more pastel filter over it. which would’ve been cool, except it made georgiana’s skin look so much lighter?? um... that’s not good.

speaking of, can we get some more fuckin diversity in here. I know, regency england but like, poc exist. and no I don’t just mean as servants who are just there to comfort and defend white men like colbourne’s housekeeper. and this may be me and my queer glasses, but like, clara and esther had Vibes. I like babington but damn, give my scheming girlies a chance. also also completely in the dark about what they intend to do with arthur -his dialogue about marriage and his behaviour have me thinking he’s queer (ace/aro/gay or a combination thereof, I’m leaning towards ace and I would say aro too but he seems very intrigued by lockhart? idk)- but I live in concern that they’ll just pull a ‘he just needed to meet the right one’ and shove him and a random woman together, maybe even georgiana (they’re cute but as friends). so zero canon queerness again.

the love triangle was so bad!!!! I am NOT a fan of love triangles in general, but it’s not impossible for me to like one. the one in s1 was very different, ‘2 people have feelings for the same person’ type thing, which made it better imo. the one in s2 was ‘these two dudes suck for different reasons and also they hate each other and are in direct competition’ which I dislike a lot more.

also they both were terrible love interests on their own!! on the one hand, entitled lizard man (I know the point is discovering he’s terrible, but yeah, I did not like him from minute one, literally the first time we see his face I went out loud, ‘he looks evil’); on the other, a loaf of badly baked bread with the personality to match. literally this dude is so fucking boring like go boy give us nothing. also he left his wife alone for a year bc he hates going to parties or something. dude you are pathetic. stringer where are you, you were so cute!!!

where was the chemistry?!? any of it?! anytime charlotte gave doe eyes to any of these men or viceversa or they kissed I was like 😐😐😐

all the pauses and close ups I feel mostly worked in s1 bc there was actual Tension, but here it was. just. so. AWKWARD.

literally the best part of the season were georgiana and lockhart and THEN that reveal ruined everything! and the thing is, it didn’t have to! (even if I do wish their connection had been totally genuine). ‘in love with the mark’ can be an extremely interesting and nuanced and above all ANGUISHED trope. they should’ve gone deeper into how he’s trying to steal her fortune BUT OH-OH he finds himself falling for her for real and is he pretending anymore? should he tell her the truth? how does he tell her? how will she react? does he choose the money and thus break both their hearts? does he renounce his evil plan because he loves her? does she take him back? instead we only get a last-minute reveal and the briefest, shallowest ‘was any of it real’ ‘yeah sure’ exchange which matters NOTHING. they could’ve had their cake and ate it too with some fucking delicious drama and they chose to do absolutely nothing. we lost the adorable otis for this?? can someone go get him back please??

on the topic of otis, I guess lennox’s and colbourne’s willingly shitty treatment of lucy can be forgiven or at least they are meant to be somewhat sympathetic, but poor otis who lives in a uberracist society and was just trying to avoid some terrible debt collectors is banished forever I guess.

also??? why didn’t lockhart just use a fake name in sanditon if he was trying to grift someone there who had connections with the guy who knew he wanted the fortune?? hello?? just make up a fucking name, it’s 1812????

allison and fraser were cute but they barely interacted. not a very believable romance development imo, too fast.

they pulled the ol’ ‘omg my corset is too tight!! *faint*’ bs like... I’ve only watched youtube vids and I know that in the regency they wore stays which were not boned and were not very constricting and also bc of the regency silhouette there would’ve been very little point in tightlacing since you can’t see the waist. at least there were no corsets on bare skin thank god (I don’t really care about historical accuracy, but this bothers me).

speaking of costumes, while they were mostly ok, charlotte’s shirts (and 99% of her governess outfits) were so ugly. and in some scenes I was just so ‘um what is georgiana wearing’. idk if they’re trying to make her stand out bc she’s kind of a rebel or bc she’s so rich that they consider her ‘fashion-forward’ but either way, what.

*deep breath* ok so this season really fucking annoyed my anti kids agenda lmao. let me explain. first of all who looks at a sequel and thinks ‘the first one was good, but you know what this needs? an annoying kid!!’ well some people do, as we can see in the mummy returns and legend of zorro, and so I guess the sanditon writers looked at those pests and were like ‘oh shit how about two??’ ok leonora isn’t that bad after the first ep, but WOW augusta is the fucking worst. I don’t care your parents died you just tried to trick a woman into getting fired just after she confided in you that her fiancé died. you’re a fucking asshole I don’t care that you’re 18. like for real they were so fucking annoying.

so like...... why were so many female plotlines about children this season. like yeah it’s the regency, I get that motherhood was an expected wish for women and what was meant to happen after marriage. but you use other anachronisms without a care and also you’re suppossed to tell an interesting story, so you can fucking pump the brakes on the child-rearing focus. no less than 3 female characters’ main arcs were about that.

first, where does esther’s incredibly strong desire to have kids come from. it’s literally all she wants suddenly but she can’t and every scene is about that. this to me is the most forgivable one bc her husband’s actor did not come back and it’s not bad that she wanted kids, but like. give her something else, god.

second, charlotte got shoved into the terrible and tired ‘spirited nanny/tutor helps a single dad love his kids bc he can’t muster up the fucking decency to do it on his own’ plot. uggh. also yeah, no shit the ‘good option’ in the love triangle is gonna be the guy who has kids. portray a nuclear family option as the ‘bad option’? goodness no. what are we to do, show that charlotte becoming inserted in this family is anything less than her pefect life? of course not. you’re supposed to want kids and to want to take care of kids even if they’re terrible and you have no real obligation to and their father is a piece of peeled-off wallpaper.

ironically enough though, charlotte got one (1) scene with mary and tom’s children, whereas in s1 she was spending a lot of time with them. honestly it feels to me like they are downplaying charlotte’s connection with all the parkers in general (she was barely involved with any of their plotlines, ditto for georgiana, they’re supposed to be friends...) bc she now has to fit into the colbourne family. if you have to downplay or erase a character’s meaningful connections to put a love interest (+kids) in their life, maybe that’s not great.

third, they ruined clara with this pregnancy storyline. first of all, she is a ruthless yet sympathetic and complex villain, use her for something more interesting than an incubator and baby delivery service to esther. they went back and forth on ‘she doesn’t want to be a mother-no wait she suddenly loves the baby now actually-oh wait she’s leaving him with esther’ like, why. I also really hate the trope that babies somehow make you a better person or that an unwanted pregnancy becomes wanted the second you hold that baby or breastfeed or some bullshit. that’s not true, and I think it’s a very harmful idea bc it implies that all women secretly want to have kids and even if they don’t realize it they will once they give birth. not to mention that clara seemed to be suffering from post-partum depression and they fixed it magically with one (1) session or breastfeeding I guess. at least she survived, I was worried they’d kill her so esther could have the baby.

on the last ep I kept joking to myself ‘what if every season there’s a new love triangle for charlotte and the previous two guys are nowhere to be seen’ and I think that would be hilarious. I also said ‘lmao what if it ended right there’ after colbourne left and charlotte said ‘oh I’m gonna marry this random farmer you’ve never seen’ and THEN IT DID. I laughed, I can’t lie. like yay at least I don’t have to watch their shoehorned “happy ending” for now lol.

so basically the only things I enjoyed were most of the costumes, the scenery, georgiana&arthur, and a few things here and there like the balloon, the archery or georgiana’s portrait.

anyway this show was renewed for s3 (it was before this mess which is the only reason I can comprehend it) and I just don’t wanna watch it but I’ll end up doing it bc it’s regency. I mean it’ll probably be better if only bc s2 was the pits. I guess I’ll see if it fills me with rage too <3

[gravegroves]

Can I ask about 2 and 8 for the wip tag game?

I've already talked about 8 (search #tag game in my tags and you'll find it).

But omg thank you for asking about 2!!

2. Like a Bat Out of Hell, Indiana

Oh man, oh man. This. This right here? This is my baby. My precious. The one I wrote so self indulgently that even if no one else likes it, I LIKE IT. And I'm completely okay with that.

El and Hopper fail at closing the gate at the end of s2, Billy appears at the Byers' house just in time and so begins a mad dash across the country, trying to outrun the end of the fucking world.

Tw: death (no one we care about though)

Excerpt:

The sound of a car roaring into the driveway has Steve's heart crashing up into his throat and they all turn to watch as headlights dance across the living room walls, sharp and blinding, like a goddamn beacon of hope.

And Steve doesn't have time to think about why the deep rumbling of the engine sounds so familiar.

He moves the kids now or they die.

"Get to the car, now!" Steve screams, just as the window at the end of the hall explodes inward.

Max gets to the door first and tears out of the house, sprinting toward the high beam lights with the boys hot on her heels.

"Billy!" She screams and goddamnit she can't mean--

She reaches the car, yanks the passenger side door open and pushes the front seat forward, shoving Dustin, Mike and Lucas into the back before diving in herself, righting the front seat in a practised move just in time for Steve to jump in after her.

And yep. There he is.

Hargrove's expression would be hilarious if they weren't seconds away from being overrun by a horde of carnivorous monster dogs.

"What the fuck do you losers think you're doing?!" Billy roars, eyes bugging slightly when he recognises Steve.

"Harrington?!"

Steve grabs him by the collar and screams into his face: "Just fucking drive!" 

A loud crash has them both snapping their heads to the side just in time to watch as a hundred Demodogs or more come rushing out from behind the Byers' house, heading straight for them.

Without another word, Billy yanks the car into reverse and accelerates before hitting the breaks. Steve's stomach swoops as their momentum lets the wheels slide over the gravel to land perfectly on the road.

He grabs Billy's arm, yanks on it like it might shake some urgency into him.

"Hargrove, go!"

"Seatbelts! Get the seatbelts" Max yells at the others.

That's what she's worried about? Steve thinks, even as he reaches over his shoulder to strap himself in.

Then Billy puts the car into gear and guns it forward and they go from 0 to 70 mph in ten seconds flat, zooming down old, twisting back roads and Steve honestly can't believe that Hargrove's insane, wannabe NASCAR driving is gonna be what saves their asses tonight.

"What the hell are you doing all the way out here with my sister, huh?" Billy yells, taking his eyes off the road to look over at him and Steve might seriously have a fucking heart attack.

"Eyes on the road!" He exclaims, foot searching the footwell for a break pedal that isn't there, "For real, man? You want to do this now?!"

"Or you can get out and fucking walk, amigo," Billy snarls, swerving around another Demodog leaping for the hood of his car, "What the hell is up with these dogs?"

"Billy, stop it! Can you jus-- look out!" Max shrieks, her arm shooting between them to point straight ahead and the kids all begin yelling as the flower-in-bloom-faced ugly fuck grows larger in the windscreen at an alarming speed.

Smooth as butter, Billy avoids the gaping creature in their path, not taking his foot off the accelerator for even a second. Steve's heart beats a drum solo against his adam's apple. His fingers feel fused to the edges of the seat, holding on for dear life.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that?" Billy turns to look behind him and Steve clenches his teeth so hard his jaw hurts, barely restraining himself from yanking Billy around to face forward again.

"Hargrove, I swear to God--"

"Oh god, look."

Steve turns his head the slightest amount to see Lucas pointing out of the window at the treeline to their right.

Demodogs.

Lots of them.

So many slimy, greyish bodies that the forest floor has all but disappeared and transformed into a churning sea of dark, slick oil.

More worryingly, they're all running in the same direction as the Camaro.

Fuck.

"What the…" Billy falters when he looks out of the window at the treeline, then seems to shake it off, placing his undivided attention back on the road for once.

He speeds up to pass a whole group of the beasts trying to cross to the other side, narrowly misses being cut off entirely by the mass of Demodog bodies. Steve releases a hand from the seat only to clutch at the grab handle on the door. He closes his eyes, swears he can feel his stomach fall out of his ass when the wheels on his side of the car lift into the air for half a beat.  

"Shit, we're gonna die!" Dustin wails, voice wobbly as Billy jerks the wheel again to avoid a creature charging straight for them. If the kids weren't already packed in like sardines they'd be sliding around back there, seatbelt or no. "We're definitely gonna die! This psycho is gonna kill us before the monsters do!"

Billy scowls into the rear-view mirror and grits out "Hey kid, you're welcome to get out and walk."

"You literally tried to run us off the road a week ago--"

"Not the time, Dustin!" Max snaps and shushes him.

"We need to get to the gate!" Mike blurts out, leaning forward to speak directly at Steve. Demanding. "We need to help El!"

Steve doesn't even have the faintest idea of how to begin doing any of that.

"Dude, we can't just go back there, are you crazy--" Lucas pulls him back and they continue to argue in harsh whispers.

"If you losers don't shut the fuck up, I'll crash this goddamn car just so I can take you all with me." Billy barks, knuckles white on the wheel.

"Oh my god, see! What did I tell you?" Dustin exclaims, "He's dangerous, Steve!"

Yeah, well, he's all that we've got, Steve doesn’t say. "Shut up, Dustin."

They turn into the first proper residential street and Billy misses a tree by an inch as he tries to avoid colliding with five demodogs hunched over something on the road.

Oh god, was that a body?

"Harrington, where the fuck am I going?"

Steve closes his eyes, overwhelmed and completely out of his depth. They might have been the B team, but there hadn't actually been a plan B--

"Fuck, fuck! I don't know--"

"Billy," Max pleads, voice shaky with terror, silencing them all, "My mom…" 

Billy sighs explosively before turning down a side street, barely slowing down.

"Shit."

*****

It's not just Max's mom, but Dustin's mom, too. Lucas's family. Mike's family. 

They reach Old Cherry Road first and Billy barely allows the car to come to a full stop, Demodogs further down the street are taking notice of them already, stalking forward, mouths blooming excitedly. Steve eyes them warily until a garbled oh fuck from the back seat draws his attention to the other side of the street and--

It's bad.

The porch light sets the stage for a grizzly scene at the Hargrove residence. A woman lies directly beneath it, like the opening shot to a fucked up play, her head of red hair spilling over the top step.

She's very obviously dead. Steve can see where she must have tripped on the welcome rug -- awkwardly stiff and upturned between her feet -- and he can only hope she got knocked out in the fall and didn't feel a thing that came after. There isn't much left between her head and her knees except for a dark patch of gøre.

The headless body of a man lies slumped against a truck parked in the driveway, one arm stuck through the open car door, half torn off within his jacket. Blood still running down the concrete incline, pooling in the roadside gutter.

"Oh, you Bastard," Billy spits, barely a whisper.

The longer Steve stares, the more horrifying the scene becomes.

He doesn't want Max to see this. Or Billy.

Max doesn't make a sound.

Billy slams his fist against the steering wheel a couple of times, then peels away from the curb before the Demodogs can get too close.

*****

Dustin's house is dark. There's no car in the driveway.

"I told her Mews had been seen in Loch Nora. She must still be out looking..." Dustin trails off quietly. Shellshocked.

It's almost midnight. Steve doubts she's still out looking for a cat. And if she is...

"I wanted to keep her out of the way."

No one says anything.

They drive.

*****

The Sinclair house is dark, too, no lights on except for the motion sensor activated ones over the empty carport.

Billy doesn't bother slowing down. The area is absolutely swarming with creatures already.

"It's so late. Where..." Lucas falters, scanning the houses they pass, like he made a mistake and his home will appear any minute now. "Where did they go?"

"I'm sure they're okay, man," Steve tries, but it feels flat, false, "If they're in a car they could make it out. Your mom too, Dustin."

Billy grimaces, but says nothing.

"What?" Steve demands.

"I was just here looking for Max. They were home." 

He keeps a laser focus on the road now, on avoiding the monsters spilling out onto their path, growling when he's forced to change down a gear before aggressively working his way up in speed once more, jaw clenched tight.

"You probably caught them on their way out." Steve insists.

Billy looks doubtful, but he nods anyway. Neither of them enough of an asshole to take a kid's hopes away like that.

They move on.

*****

"Let me out," Mike says, quietly. Trembling. Hands pushing against the back of Steve's seat like he'll be able to bend it out of the way through sheer force of will.

No one moves.

The front door to the Wheeler home is open, door splintered where the deadbolt held, but the wood didn't. The car is parked in the carport. All the lights are on. 

Karen Wheeler's corpse lies forgotten and half devoured on the front lawn.

In the driveway, a tiny yellow sock lies next to bloody drag marks disappearing into the grass--

Oh god...

"Let me out." 

Steve's lips move, but he can't seem to draw breath enough to produce sound..

Billy seems to shake himself out of a daze, takes a deep breath beside him. "Nah, kid."

And Mike just snaps. 

"Fuck you! Fuck you!" He screams, punching and kicking the seat in front of him.

Steve leans forward out of the seat and puts his head in his hands. 

"Let me out! LET ME OUT!" Mike shrieks, begs.

"No." Billy says again, evenly.

Mike's voice breaks on a wordless scream.

Steve wants to do his own bit of kicking and screaming, but someone needs to keep their fucking head in the game or they're all going to end up dead.

By some twisted turn of fate that someone is turning out to be Billy fucking Hargrove.

Hysterically, he remembers hearing about Billy abandoning Carla Green to walk home alone from the quarry after she'd scratched the Camaro's dashboard with her fake nails by accident.

Mike kicks the back of the seat again. Billy says nothing.

All the kids are crying, now.

Mike's screams eventually taper off into babbling sobs and Dustin does his best to comfort him through his own half-choked cries. Lucas is whispering to a sobbing Max, his own breaths hitching and heaving uncontrollably, on the edge of breaking.

Steve's eyes sting, hidden behind his hands.

He lifts his head up and glances over at Billy, still tracking the side of the road, the edge of the trees. He looks so normal that it almost throws Steve for a loop. He wants to grab Billy by the collar again. Shake him. Scream: what part of this aren't you getting?

"The fuck is going on?" Billy hisses, almost to himself and oh, right.

"Later," Steve promises, hoarsely, digs the heels of his hands into his eyes hard enough to see stars.

"You know what they are?"

"Yeah." Steve says after a great deal of swallowing past the lump in his throat.

If Hargrove's voice betrays even a hint of emotion Steve knows he's gonna fucking lose it. Luckily, the guy keeps his shit together so Steve can keep a lid on his.

"You know what kills them?" Billy continues.

"Heat," Dustin says, voice thick, "And, like, bullets."

Billy nods, "Alright, how warm are we talking?"

"They don't like warm weather or daylight, but I don't think it kills them. Weakens them, maybe. Sends them underground."

"Fire will." Steve says, pulling at his hair until it hurts, dragging himself out of foggy despair and into the present where he's needed. He accidentally runs his gaze past Karen's body and tries not to dry-heave.

Mike is still crying behind him and god fuck, they should get out of here. The kid shouldn't be seeing this.

"Where do we go?" Max whispers, like she read his mind. She sounds as lost as Steve feels.

Billy revs the engine and turns to Steve, "Any requests?"

Steve thinks about the huge empty house waiting for him, a gaping nightmare at the edge of the woods. He balks at the thought.

Where the fuck do we go?

"Just get us out of Hawkins."

[nemesyaaa]

sixsldiidksswkzkzzk <- an honest reaction actually !!! but daaaamn it !!! was so beautiful from the beginning to the end. i'm not only talking about the writing, but the relationship, the emotion, everything was so well-written !! i feel bad for reader and rafe ! oh and seeing a weak!rafe does kill me i believe.... they're clearly made to each others and i can clearly picture S1 and S2 rafe in it ! you did such a good and fantastic job, serving a delicious smut filled with angst ! 🫶🏿 i loved this too much !! tysm for taking your time writing this, we're grateful

You knew what they were thinking. That you’re an idiot for inviting the man who you always cried over back into your life, the man who you repeatedly told your friends is an asshole, the man they watched tear your heart out when you tried to make your relationship healthier, just to be told by him that no, it wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t going to try to get better for you. — ALREADY THE BEGINNING AND I'M INTO IT.

Every time you see Rafe, you feel shameful relief. He’s a drug that gets better and harder to stop with every hit. Admittedly, you couldn’t wait for your friends to leave so you could sink into mindless pleasure with your ex. — THE SECOND LINE ??? ‼️🫡

Those sweet moments were dirtied when your relationship slowly descended into a twisted, toxic mess. Rafe became jealous and controlling and you became combative and unforgiving, both of you poisoning each other the longer you were together. — JUST THE WAY IT'S WRITTEN, THAT'S PERFECT

Rafe tastes like cinnamon with a hint of whisky, and you’re mad that he’s been drinking, but you think you forfeited the right to be mad at him for his choices when you ended things. — NEED TO SMELL IT THROUGH MY SCREEN

“Couldn’t wait for me, yeah?” he mumbles against your mouth. — 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

It’s a plea much deeper than it sounds. You don’t just want the sexual gratification. You want to feel how you did before. Happy with him. Happy with who you are when he’s around. — WHAT IF I WANT TO KILL MUSELF ?? WHAT IF ?

Rafe’s head is swimming. You’re so soft and hot and wet against his mouth, sweet just like he remembered. He groans against you, starting to lap at every dip, your folds slick and delicate. — this is so good 💞

He’s an addict relapsing and he wants to overdose, to replicate how this was when you lived in the promise of a relationship together, even though he knows it’ll kill him. — OH THIS ?? ATE

“Do it.” His voice is hoarse as he grips your thigh. He’s fucking mortified to be asking to be spoken to and praised the way he used to when he’d please you like this. But he needs it. — whatever the man wants...

You’re his and you don’t want to be. Because being his means loving a broken man who doesn’t want to get himself together for you. — marking this line...

You turn to perch up on your knees, looking back, but not meeting his gaze because you can’t handle him seeing you teary-eyed. Too many times in the past, you were vulnerable with him just to be called sensitive. — I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE...

Any and every shred of anger and disappointment he holds for you is silenced. He’s disgusted in himself for hurting you. No matter what you are to him now, you were once the sun in a storm, the only person who didn’t make him feel like he was in the background of his own life. — WAS NOT READY FOR THIS LEVEL OF ANGST 😭💖💖

He stares at you, a hole in his chest as your shoulders skitter with your cries. He always hated seeing you cry. — ALEXA PLAY IN BETWEEN BY GRACIE PLEASE.

It’s overwhelming dealing with his own tears, so it’s a million times worse seeing yours. His reflex is to tell you to stop. But when you were his girlfriend, you’d told him, screamed at him really, that it was cruel of him to tell you to quit being sensitive when your body was just letting out pain. — i'm not gonna recover easily from this...

Rafe has never been good at talking through his feelings. He prefers to show them by yelling and throwing things and fighting because those methods are easy and safe. — WKZKDKZKEE DON'T DO THIS TO ME...ITS TOO REAL

Crying never feels safe. At one point, it did. With you. Before you broke his heart. — i'm just in love with this

“Goddamn it. That I miss you, okay?” he says sharply. “And you just… you look at me like I’m a fucking stranger now.” — THIS IS ARGHHH HEARTBREAKING

“You know why I miss you?” you offer, not waiting for a response. “I had fun with you. I loved how full of life you are and how intensely you care. I loved how you called me your girl and how you much you looked out for me.” — ......... it's getting too much sad....

“I was born to be with you,” Rafe whispers through his tears, staring into the beautiful eyes he dreams about every night. “You’ll always be my girl, alright? I love you.”

Rafe kisses you again and again and again, his head swimming, his heart racing. He won’t fuck this up. He’ll die if he loses you again. — AND GUESS WHO'S HAPPY AGAIN ???

“I fucking live for you, you know that?” he whispers, finding heaven in the way you’re panting and moaning. — SHUUUUT UP, I HAGE BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH

“I live for you,” he repeats against your mouth. — BEST LINE OF THE ONE-SHOT. 😳😳🙂‍↕️‼️

　 —⊹　♡　︵　∘　 pretty lies ⟢

pairing rafe cameron x female reader

rating explicit 18+

summary you thought you could manage meaninglessly hooking up with your ex-boyfriend. you were sure that if you lied to yourself enough that you’re not still in love with him, you’d eventually believe it. it takes one bad night to see that you’re both still very much attached.

on loop “breakup tutorial” by laraw

content warnings toxic relationship, alcohol, smut

continuation of this blurb, inspired by this ask! started as a blurb but got very long! not necessary to read the previous works. takes place between s2-3. div credit.

You sit on your bed, the lump in your throat refusing to go away. You’ve been on the verge of crying since your friends left almost half an hour ago.

It was so embarrassing. You were hanging out downstairs, showing them something on your phone. That’s when Rafe texted you, the notification clear for everyone to see.

“Who’s Don’t Text?” one of your friends asked, confused by the contact name.

You locked your screen, meeting their cautious stares, sure they already knew.

Who else would you have saved as Don’t Text other than your toxic ex-boyfriend? It wouldn’t have been so damning if he hadn’t sent ok see you tonight.

So, you admitted it. That you’ve been hooking up with Rafe for the past few weeks, ever since the night of your friend’s birthday when you drunkenly texted him to ask for a ride home.

You knew what they were thinking. That you’re an idiot for inviting the man who you always cried over back into your life, the man who you repeatedly told your friends is an asshole, the man they watched tear your heart out when you tried to make your relationship healthier, just to be told by him that no, it wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t going to try to get better for you.

While you thought it’d be a relief to have the secret off your chest, it wasn’t. The tension in the room was heavy, your friends piecing together that this is why you didn’t want them to sleep over on the one night you have the house to yourself. It’s because Rafe is coming over after they leave.

As you lean against your pillow, you read through your emotionless conversation with him, a noncommittal string of plans to hook up. Earlier this evening, you had texted my place later? He replied with time? You said around 1. He responded with ok see you tonight.

Your confession made your friends look at you with worry and contempt, asking “are you sure it’s a good idea?” when you told them it’s just sex and that he’s saved as Don’t Text because one day, you really are planning on not texting.

But they weren’t convinced. They said you’ll just undo your healing and wind up hurt all over again. And you’re angry because they’re right.

You brushed past the subject, saying that you’re unattached. It’s a lie.

Every time you see Rafe, you feel shameful relief. He’s a drug that gets better and harder to stop with every hit. Admittedly, you couldn’t wait for your friends to leave so you could sink into mindless pleasure with your ex.

He’s on his way now.

You scroll up to the top of the conversation with him. The oldest message is from when you asked him for a ride a few weeks ago. You had deleted everything, every piece of evidence of your relationship, when you first broke up so that you wouldn’t go back and reminisce.

But you still have a hidden folder in your phone. Of photos and videos and screenshots. And because you must love to torture yourself, you open it.

Photos of memories that you used to cherish and now wish you could forget flood your screen. You open your favorite photo of you and Rafe.

It’s a captured moment of you two on a couch at a house party, unknowingly being photographed as you laugh together, your head thrown back, Rafe gazing at you with a dimpled smile and unconstrained love.

Ironically, the friend who was telling you earlier tonight that he did nothing but make you cry is the one who took the photo.

You continue to scroll through the folder, stopping at a screenshot of a text he sent you. You remember reading it for the first time so clearly.

You’d been together a little over three months. You’d gone to the beach and settled on the sand by a hidden cove. Rafe brought a blanket and your favorite drink and you sat together and talked as the half-moon shone down over the water.

You had innocently asked if he had eaten yet and he opened up to you about how you’re the only person in his life who really cares about him. Nobody else worries if he ate or if he slept or if he’s been drinking too much. You hugged him and kissed him and stroked his hair, whispering promises of how amazing he was.

Your eyes travel over the text he’d sent you the morning after. I can’t believe you’re real.

Those sweet moments were dirtied when your relationship slowly descended into a twisted, toxic mess. Rafe became jealous and controlling and you became combative and unforgiving, both of you poisoning each other the longer you were together.

It’s day and night when you compare how your texts used to be to how they are now. Whether you were on good terms or arguing, at least when you were together, your messages had passion behind them. Now, every text is cold and clinical, making plans to fuck and nothing else.

Your phone buzzes. He’s here.

As you pace down the stairs towards the front door, you regret the way you dressed. After your friends left, you showered and slipped into your sexiest bra and panties and draped a silk robe over your shoulders.

It’s something you’d do when you were together, dressing up in something you know he’d love. But now, it feels silly, going the extra mile for a man who didn’t consider you worth fighting for.

Rafe waits for the door to open. It’s all he fucking does these days. Wait. Wait to get better, wait to be over you, wait to see you texted him and just ignore it instead of feeling his heart come together and break apart.

You keep the lights off, but when you swing open the door, he can see your figure in the muted dark. Your robe is barely held open by the knot over your waist. The sight of your cleavage sends hot electricity through him.

“Hey,” you say impassively, stepping away so he can come inside. You see that he cut his hair. It’s not hanging over his forehead anymore. He buzzed it and he looks so damn handsome that your heart skips a beat.

He grimaces when he notices your expression. This is why he’s been avoiding meeting your eyes lately. Because of that blank way you look at him, unaffected by his presence, only interested in sex, detached when you used to hold onto him like you’d die without him.

Rafe purses his lips, trying to act like seeing you doesn’t make his blood run hot, like one second of looking at you doesn’t make him hard. You’ve been broken up for nearly two months now, so he doesn’t understand why he has the impulse to compliment you on how pretty you dressed for him.

“How long are you alone?” he asks. He doesn’t want to deal with being seen by your parents. You’ve already told him how much your family and friends don’t approve of him. He can do without the reminder of how much he doesn’t fit in your life anymore.

“All night,” you say. “They’re not back until tomorrow.”

He follows you up the stairs, eyes trailing up your bare legs, already wanting to rip that robe off of you.

He hasn’t been in your bedroom in ages. He didn’t expect it to be so hard to be in here again when he owns the title of ex-boyfriend.

You pull him in immediately. You can’t deal with your thoughts anymore. You just want to drown in pleasure with someone who knows your body better than you know it yourself.

Rafe tastes like cinnamon with a hint of whisky, and you’re mad that he’s been drinking, but you think you forfeited the right to be mad at him for his choices when you ended things.

His tongue is warm against yours as you pull him down onto your bed. You sink into the mattress and he hovers over you. His hand roughly drags up your thigh, squeezing your ass, his cock already hard against you.

You hate how much you love the effect you have on him. Why does it make you so proud that you can get him so hard, that you can text him to come over and he does, savoring you like you’re forbidden fruit he’s been starving for?

Rafe’s kisses are ravenous, teeth nipping at your lips, kneading your ass, groaning against your mouth.

You spread your legs so that he’ll touch you and he knows what you want, because at this point, he reads your body like a book. He presses his fingers against your core, rubbing over your panties.

“Couldn’t wait for me, yeah?” he mumbles against your mouth.

Your brows pinch in sadness. Ever since you became exes with benefits, you play this game, dirty-talking taunts, fighting for power, as if one of you can win if you prove that the other needs this more.

But you don’t have it in you tonight. Not after the way your friends looked at you. Not after going through that stupid folder. Your heart weighs a thousand pounds.

“Just…” you breathe.

“Just what?”

He pulls your panties to the side, the warm pads of his fingers making direct contact, and you slightly buck your hips, a whine spilling from your mouth.

“Just what?” he demands, tracing up and down.

“Just make me feel good.”

It’s a plea much deeper than it sounds. You don’t just want the sexual gratification. You want to feel how you did before. Happy with him. Happy with who you are when he’s around.

Rafe’s lips press against your neck, taking on the challenge. He hasn’t gone down on you since the first time you fucked after your break-up, when you roughly pushed him down and sat on his face, using him, treating his body with so much anger.

He tells himself he hasn’t eaten you out since because it’s too loving of a gesture for two people who are just hate-fucking. But it’s not the truth. He doesn’t do it because he falls in love with you even more every time he tastes you.

He can’t bear to need you any more than he already does. You broke him in every sense of the word. You proved to him that he’s unloveable.

“Rafe, please,” you whisper, arching your back.

“What?” he rasps. “What do you want? Just fucking say it.”

You stay silent as he leaves open-mouthed kisses over your neck. He’s frustrated that you’re not answering.

“You want me to go down on you?” he says impatiently.

“Yes,” you whisper. He catches the shakiness in your tone. You don’t sound like who you’ve been since you started hooking up. You sound gentle and adoring like who you used to be with him. You sound like the woman you’re not anymore.

He ignores it, not giving in to ask what the hell is going on with you, not when he knows you’ll brush him off. He pushes your robe off your body, the silk slipping over your skin quickly, and shifts lower to put his head between your legs.

You moan when he kisses you over your panties. Your hands lace in his hair, but you don’t feel the locks you used to feel. Instead, you run your nails over the soft buzzcut, wondering when and why he cut his hair, knowing you won’t ask because you don’t make much conversation with him anymore.

He’s rough when he pulls your panties down, rushing to spread your lips apart and taste you as soon as he can. The heat of his open mouth against you makes you quiver in bliss.

Rafe’s head is swimming. You’re so soft and hot and wet against his mouth, sweet just like he remembered. He groans against you, starting to lap at every dip, your folds slick and delicate.

Your hand runs over his hair as you writhe beneath him, feeling his mouth working you, listening to the sounds of him licking and sucking.

He’s an addict relapsing and he wants to overdose, to replicate how this was when you lived in the promise of a relationship together, even though he knows it’ll kill him.

“Talk how you used to,” he murmurs.

“What?” you ask.

“Do it.” His voice is hoarse as he grips your thigh. He’s fucking mortified to be asking to be spoken to and praised the way he used to when he’d please you like this. But he needs it.

You look down to see Rafe’s head between your thighs, expecting clarity, but getting nothing else. He keeps his eyes off of you, licking you slowly.

“How I used to?” you whisper.

He shifts to run the tip of his tongue over your aching clit, pushing hot pleasure through you. You’ll do anything he wants if he makes you feel like this.

“I can,” you stammer breathily, willing yourself to fall into the old habit. He locks his lips around your clit and you shudder. “Shit. That’s good.”

“Yeah?” he pulls back to groan.

“So fucking good,” you say. “You know exactly what to do.”

Euphoria floods every one of Rafe’s senses and he lets himself believe, for just this moment, that you meant all the good things you said to him and none of the bad.

He sucks your most sensitive spot slowly, warm breaths pooling over you every time he pulls back.

“Just like that,” you whisper. “That’s perfect.”

Your words spur him on, his tongue flat against you, his lips and chin wet and sticky. He’s obsessed with the way you’re talking and breathing and moaning. He loves the sounds you make when you’re so deep in ecstasy that he’s giving you.

Your words are in your throat. You used to tell him you loved him whenever he did this to you, but you can’t and it’s a jarring realization that it’s not because you wouldn’t mean it, but really, because this is supposed to be indulgent and sinful, not loving and sweet.

“Whose?” he rasps. It’s what he used to always ask. Who your pussy belongs to. Whose you are.

You can’t say it.

“Whose?” he demands.

You give in.

“Yours,” you whisper. Saying it makes the tears that’ve been threatening to come out finally fall out of the corners of your eyes.

You’re his and you don’t want to be. Because being his means loving a broken man who doesn’t want to get himself together for you.

Your throat aches as you swallow down the pain, shuffling beneath him so he’ll take his mouth off of you. No matter how earth-shatteringly good it feels, you’ll cry if he keeps going.

You turn to perch up on your knees, looking back, but not meeting his gaze because you can’t handle him seeing you teary-eyed. Too many times in the past, you were vulnerable with him just to be called sensitive.

“Hard,” you say in a hush. You want him behind you, fucking you with force, giving you raw pleasure because you need the reminder that that’s all he’s capable of offering you.

Rafe’s pissed off that you cut it short, roughly tugging off his shirt and pulling down his jeans. He realizes you’re still in your bra and he unhooks it, because if he’s nothing but a fuck to you, he deserves to see all of you.

He holds himself at his base, on his knees, finding your entrance. The head of his cock sinks into you and you push back, needing him now.

Rafe smirks depravedly, revelling in the way you look with your ass up in the air for him, desperate for his cock. Good. Because he’s so fucking desperate for you that he still can only come to the thought of you.

His hands are on your hips and he shoves into you, making you gasp, granting your wish to give it to you hard.

He pulls back, then drives back inside over and over, your skin slapping against his, your ass recoiling with each thrust. Every plunge into you is fucking perfect. You’re squeezing him so tight.

Your breaths quicken, both panting as he fucks you from behind, filling you with a deep, hard pressure. It feels so damn good, your moans uncontrollable, but you can’t shut your mind up.

It’s all too much. Loving someone who accused you of not caring about him as much as he did about you was exhausting, but having to pretend you don’t love him at all is even worse.

You bury your face into your pillow, asking yourself the hell you’re doing, getting dressed up for him, letting him continue to take pieces of you every time you meet like this. For the first time, you can’t get lost in the pleasure. The pain is louder.

Rafe’s fingers dig into your hips as his body tightens with the promise of an orgasm. This is what makes it all worth it. When he’s balls deep in you, he doesn’t have the self-loathing thoughts that haunt him every minute he’s alone, he doesn’t have to pretend he’s somewhere else.

It feels so right to be inside you, even though you’re someone he’s supposed to hate. He’s empty, but with you is the only time he’s whole and he so deeply resents that he’s not enough for you, that all this has to be so goddamn complicated.

He sees stars when he comes, pumping deep inside you, grunting a broken string of fucks into your quiet bedroom air. It’s embarrassing to come this fast, but eating you out got him so worked up that he couldn’t control it.

He’s weak, hunching over, one arm holding himself up as stays inside you and skims his other hand over your hip and between your legs, rubbing your clit exactly how you need to come.

Your face is against the pillow, now wet with tears. You won’t be able to come. You can’t.

“Stop it,” you say, voice thick with sorrow.

You shift forward, feeling him slide out of you, collapsing to your side.

“Fuck,” you mumble in the pillow.

Rafe is at a loss. You were just moaning, pushing back against him, and now you’re angry at him, not wanting to let him give you an orgasm.

“What?” he murmurs, moving to lean over you, his hand resting on your sweat-sheened back. “Did it hurt?”

“Yes,” you say impulsively, because while it’s not physical pain, it is emotional agony. You can’t do this. Casual sex isn’t all that casual when the person you’re doing it with owns you in every possible way.

Rafe stiffens. You’re crying. He can hear it in your voice. When you sniffle, he feels like the lowest of the low, the biggest piece of shit in the world. He must have lost himself in the moment, going too rough.

“Are you okay?” he asks. His hand runs up and down the curve of your back, watching you with worried eyes, but like always, you won’t look at him.

“You can leave now.”

Rafe pulls his hand off of you. The bed shifts when he stands. You hear the shuffle of clothes. You look up to see his broad silhouette leave your bedroom, in just his boxers. You wipe away your tears.

In the dim glow of the lamp light, you watch him come back into your bedroom. He’s holding a towel, damp with warm water, and you’re weak, so you let him lie next to you in bed, gently turning you onto your back and wiping between your legs.

It’s something he’d do as a boyfriend, knowing his way around your home, cleaning you up. Not as an ex who’s using you for sex. Every hook-up you’ve had since you broke up ends with one of you abruptly leaving, no concern for aftercare or pillow talk.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, dabbing gently. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Any and every shred of anger and disappointment he holds for you is silenced. He’s disgusted in himself for hurting you. No matter what you are to him now, you were once the sun in a storm, the only person who didn’t make him feel like he was in the background of his own life.

He sounds devastated and you wriggle in your sheets to get a look at his face. His gaze darts to you for just a moment, but it’s enough for you to see that his eyes glossed over with tears.

You feel a prick on your heart. He’s crying over this? You would’ve thought he’d be fine with hurting you during sex. After all, he’s fine hurting you every other way.

“It wasn’t… it didn’t hurt,” you say softly. It’s the first time you care about not hurting his feelings since your catastrophic break-up.

“What? You said it did.”

You gently put your hand on his, stopping his movements, letting your tears fall now because there’s no point in hiding them anymore.

“I meant… what we’re doing hurts,” you admit, looking down at your hands atop the towel because you can’t bear to look into his eyes. “Hooking up like this. It’s fucking with my head.”

Rafe takes a moment to breathe, his chest rising and falling with tears that won’t stop.

His hand slides out from under yours and he sits up, wiping at his eyes. You toss the towel aside, sitting up, too, finding your robe and draping it over your body, even though he’s seen you naked so many times before.

You watch him in the dusk of your bedroom, the light soft over his handsome features, his lips parted as he stares down and tries to gain composure.

“You’re saying you want to stop?” he finally asks through hitched breaths.

You don’t know the answer. You don’t know if you want to stop having Rafe in your life, even in this twisted capacity.

You’re silent, sniffling as your cries refuse to cease. You can’t believe you’re here, both crying on your bed, both having crumbled so quickly.

“You have to answer me,” he says, blinking fast, his tone on the verge of a whine.

Your face is pinched in misery as you gaze at him. He looks up, his eyes bloodshot and glimmering.

“Do you want to stop?” you ask. It’s mostly a cop-out, a test to see if he feels anything more than lust for you.

“Don’t turn it on me,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “You told me to leave. And I’ll go and never come back if that’s what you want.”

Rafe’s eyes burn from the tears. He’s in pieces. He’s not going to be the one going out on a limb here, asking you to keep this arrangement with him. You have to decide.

“Do your friends know that you still see me?” you ask. What happened earlier tonight with your friends won’t leave your head.

“What?” Rafe squints in frustration.

“Do they?”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. How the fuck did he get here? He was just living in a fantasy, finishing inside of you, releasing all his stress, and now, he’s facing the demons that he’s constantly trying to outrun.

“Yeah,” he says. “Why?”

“What do they say?”

“What are you getting at?” he huffs.

“Do they tell you to stop? Or that I’m bad for you?”

“You know we don’t talk like that,” Rafe tells you.

You chew on your lip, gently sweeping under your eyes with shaky fingers. You were the only one he didn’t keep at an emotional distance. The only one he opened up to who never told him to toughen up. It seems that hasn’t changed.

“My friends found out tonight,” you admit. He’s immediately on edge. It was an ongoing theme in your relationship that they never liked him.

“And what, they don’t approve?” Rafe mutters. “So, you’re ending this because you live by their rules?”

You pull your legs forward, curling into a ball with your forehead on your knees.

“Please stop,” you whisper defeatedly. “It’s not like that.”

He stares at you, a hole in his chest as your shoulders skitter with your cries. He always hated seeing you cry.

It’s overwhelming dealing with his own tears, so it’s a million times worse seeing yours. His reflex is to tell you to stop. But when you were his girlfriend, you’d told him, screamed at him really, that it was cruel of him to tell you to quit being sensitive when your body was just letting out pain.

And he’s been ruminating over everything you ever said to him, trying to figure out if there was an exact moment you fell out of love with him. He doesn’t want to be called cruel again.

“What’d they say?” he asks.

You’re surprised to hear the gentle tone of his voice. It’s relieving to not be fighting with him for once.

“That I’ll just end up hurt again,” you confess, your words muffled. “And I am. Already. I don’t remember what it’s like to not hurt.”

Rafe aches, taken aback. You’ve been cold and apathetic every time he’s seen you since the night you drunkenly hooked up in his car as exes. He never knew you were hurting, that he still has the power to do that to you.

“Me, neither,” he admits, his voice brittle. You lift your head to look up at him, needing to see his face to believe it.

“What else?” you ask.

“What else?” he echoes.

“What else do you feel?”

He swallows. It’s odd, not having the urge to hide behind his pride. But your gaze is so sincere, your sniffles so hard to listen to.

Rafe has never been good at talking through his feelings. He prefers to show them by yelling and throwing things and fighting because those methods are easy and safe.

Crying never feels safe. At one point, it did. With you. Before you broke his heart.

“You can tell me,” you say. “I won’t start a fight about it.”

“I don’t give a fuck if you start a fight,” he says, a humorless laugh leaving his lips.

“What do you give a fuck about?” you say, keeping your temper in.

Rafe mumbles your name in frustration, shaking his head.

“I don’t want to… talk to you about this shit just for you to not…” he trails off.

You know your ex well, aware that he needs to be coached through hard conversations. He doesn’t think before he speaks when he’s vulnerable. He rambles, at times all over the place, making it hard to understand him.

“For me to not what?” you ask.

“Think what I think,” he admits.

You rest your cheek on your knee, your eyes stinging with tears.

“What are you thinking?”

“Goddamn it. That I miss you, okay?” he says sharply. “And you just… you look at me like I’m a fucking stranger now.”

It’s the last thing you expected to hear. You thought you were just hook-up to him. Not somebody he misses. Your throat is raw. Your pulse is loud in your ears.

Rafe looks down again, breath shaky as his crying gets closer to sobbing. He’s a mess. He doesn’t do this shit in front of people. He does it alone, when he can’t hold it in any more, letting his cheeks burn with tears when he lies on his pillow at night, knowing there’s no point in trying to stop.

“You miss me?” you repeat. He scoffs, as if he’s angry you pulled it out of him. “What do you miss?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he mutters, annoyed. You always do this, pull at the string barely keeping him together, making him speak. It’s what he always loved and hated about you.

You take a beat before you answer, accepting that you’re about to break the promise you made to yourself to never open up to him again.

“Because I miss you, too,” you admit.

It’s the first time in months that you see light in Rafe’s eyes. A few seconds of heavy silence pass between you.

The moment’s not even over, but you already know you’ll think about it for a long time, about the feeling of sitting with him in your dim room this late at night, practically naked together on your bed, wordless. Every sense of anything sexual is gone, the atmosphere much more fragile.

Even after weeks of hooking up, this is the most intimate moment you’ve shared in a long time.

Then, his brows furrow, uncertainty and anguish flashing on his face. He doesn’t believe you.

“I do,” you say softly, nodding to confirm it.

Rafe opens his mouth to speak, looking down again, another tear rolling down his face and dripping off his chin. You watch the way his glossy bottom lip trembles, as if his mouth is refusing to let him get the words out.

This is when he cracks all the way, holding his head in his hands, silently sobbing. You gaze at him with a broken heart. You’ve seen him cry, but never this hard.

Despite all the pain and anger that festers between you, you shuffle closer. Your bunched up robe falls off your chest and you don’t care. You rest your hand on the back of his neck, guiding him to cry against your bare shoulder.

“It’s okay,” you whisper.

He shakes his head no against you. It’s so far from okay. It’s not fair to meet someone and give them all of himself just to be ridiculed and told that all of him isn’t enough.

But impulse and muscle memory take over and he wraps his arms wrap around you, bare chests pressed together, his face in the crook of your neck.

“You said I was just like my dad,” he murmurs shakily against your skin.

You squeeze your eyes shut. You compared him to his father once, just once, during a fight when you were together. He’d gotten angry at you for being upset, and you knew his dad had done that to him in the past, and the vile, spiteful words came out of your mouth with no filter.

You regretted it immediately. You had no idea he held onto it, too.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, running your hand up and down the back of his hair. “You’re not. I said that just to hurt you. I didn’t mean it.”

He burrows his face deeper, smelling you, his heavy arms lightly trembling as they encircle you. It’s ridiculous how he wanted an apology from you for so long, but now that you gave it, he feels guilty.

“I hurt you, too,” he says. “Your friends are right to hate me.”

“They’re just protective,” you say, your voice wobbly.

“You shouldn’t…” He breathes in sharply. “You shouldn’t need protection from me. I know I fucked up. I fucked up so bad so many times.”

Your mind replays your vicious fights before and after your break-up, how deeply he hurt you when he hurled insults at you and accused you of cheating and blamed you for your problems.

But the good parts weave their way in. You were best friends. You made so many good memories. He loved you, took care of you, spoiled you. You always came together after a fight. Until too much damage had been done.

You can’t deny that he fucked up. But you did, too. You were mean. You were spiteful. You ignored him because you knew how much it hurt him.

“I fucked up, too,” you say, never having liked when he spoke low of himself, hating that you’ve called him names and insulted him in the past. “You deserve to feel good about yourself, okay?”

Rafe exhales shakily. He’s not sure he agrees. He knows there’s a screw loose, something missing in him. Maybe someone like him is fated to hate himself because there’s nothing to love.

“You know why I miss you?” you offer, not waiting for a response. “I had fun with you. I loved how full of life you are and how intensely you care. I loved how you called me your girl and how you much you looked out for me.”

It’s the best thing you could’ve said. This is why you owned his heart. Why you still do. You can unravel him, but you can also you tie him back together. You’re the only one who knows how to.

“Why aren’t you my girl, then?” he finally mumbles.

You swallow hard. It’s not that simple. Not even close.

“You know why,” you say.

Rafe wills himself to pull back, leaving your shoulder wet with his tears, sitting inches away from you.

Your eyes are glossy and red. The sight is pure torture for him. You sigh when he swipes his thumb under your eye, wiping away a fresh tear.

“No, I don’t,” he replies, because really, he’d rather be in a fucked up relationship with you than be apart.

His chest twists with unease. That’s why. He’d choose to be miserable together because at least you’re together. You’d rather be happy with him or be nothing at all.

You look down, frustrated that he still doesn’t get it.

“You always said you loved me more, but it was the other way around,” you say. “Loving someone means wanting to be the best person you can, because it’s what they deserve.”

You meet his hardened eyes, feeling dizzy.

“Why didn’t I deserve it?” you ask.

Rafe’s skin goes cold. He pulls you in, his hands cradling your jaw as he meets your lips tenderly, because he can’t go another second without kissing you. You let him. It feels too good not to.

“You do,” he breathes when he shifts back, his nose nudging yours, his hands still holding your face. “You deserve it. You deserve everything.”

“You’re everything,” you whimper impatiently. He expels a breath of relief. The tears welling in his eyes are from happiness this time. You still care about him. There’s no way you don’t.

“I’ll be better,” Rafe says. You’ve heard him say it so many times before. Your heart isn’t fully out of its cage yet, but you’re willing to listen.

“How?” you say.

It’s been tumbling in his mind nonstop. A world where you’re together is all he thinks about. He straightens, palms still on your cheeks, gazing down at your watery eyes.

“I won’t yell at you,” he says. “I won’t control you. I won’t ever hurt you.”

“You can’t promise to never hurt me,” you say, skeptical.

“Watch me.”

Your lips briefly curl into a sad smile that fades away. He nervously licks his lips, needing you so bad that he feels it in his bones.

He’ll make a fool of himself if he has to. He got this far. He’ll spill his guts to you and if you tell him to leave, he’ll pick himself up and go, because at least he tried. He’s half a person these days anyway.

“I was born to be with you,” Rafe whispers through his tears, staring into the beautiful eyes he dreams about every night. “You’ll always be my girl, alright? I love you.”

A wave of hope and fear and excitement and worry crashes into you. You need a second to understand that this is really happening, to come up for breath.

You gaze at him, taking in how soft and sweet he looks. This is Rafe. Not the man who makes you feel like you can’t do anything right. Beneath everything, beneath his anger and his trauma, the person looking at you is who he really is, someone who just needs to feel loved.

“Talk to me, please, baby,” he begs, thumbs stroking your skin. He can’t take the miserable look on your face. “What are you thinking?”

“That it’s impossible not to love you back,” you confess. “I think maybe we… we can try this again.”

Rafe kisses you hard, passion and joy blazing through him, every part of him wanting every part of you.

Even if you tried, you couldn’t keep track of how many kisses he’s leaving on your lips and your cheeks, overcome with love. You sink into the satisfaction and relief of hope. You never thought you’d feel that with him ever again. Hope.

“I’ll be good to you,” he whispers breathlessly, his forehead against yours. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you,” you say, your hands dragging up his firm, naked back. “I never stopped.”

Rafe kisses you again and again and again, his head swimming, his heart racing. He won’t fuck this up. He’ll die if he loses you again.

He gently pushes you so you’ll lie on your back and you sigh in pure relief when his hand dips between your legs, sliding his fingers up and down.

He’s painfully aware that you never got the pleasure he did tonight. He needs to give you an orgasm, to make you feel all the happiness he possibly can.

“My girl,” he says. “I’ll only ever make you feel good. I promise.”

He shifts to rest his head on your chest, fondling you as he lies right over your heart. He hears it pounding, feeling so lucky that you made space for him in it and so determined to never let it hurt ever again.

You wrap one arm around his shoulders and the other settles over his cheek, stroking softly as he traces circles right where you need him to. Your breath is shaky, your body loose, craving him in every sense.

“I fucking live for you, you know that?” he whispers, finding heaven in the way you’re panting and moaning.

You writhe beneath him, adoring how he knows what to do, knows when to dip a finger in you, when to move back up to your clit.

You whisper that you love him over and over as you reach your orgasm, mind-blowing pleasure ripping through you, sure you’ve never felt this much physical and emotional relief at once.

As you tumble down into a blissful fog, Rafe continues to gently run his fingers over you, moving up to kiss you again.

“I live for you,” he repeats against your mouth.

You feel the same way. You know now that you two weren’t destined to fall. You were meant to be happy together. It just took some time to get there.

[wingsofhcpe]

My thought process on Snowpiercer (season 1):

Wow Layton's a dilf. Tell me to rebel daddy.

Till is the love of my life and also the only valid cop to ever exist. Also I'm surprised she made it so far considering Netflix's reputation with their queer character. But did she really have to break up with Jinju? :(

On the other hand, fuck Jinju, she had the audacity to be angry at Till for keeping things from her when she, herself, kept the biggest dirtiest secret of the whole damn train along with Melanie.

The actor who plays Ben looks like a ripoff of Ben Barnes (yes I'm aware the name coincidence makes it funnier) and the guy who plays Javi looks like a ripoff of Mark Ruffalo. Also WOW Ben go fuck yourself for that betrayal in episode 10.

I don't like Zara. I don't care about Zara. I don't find her relationship with Layton romantic at all. Literally somebody yeet her off the train, please.

On that topic, I love Layton, but the dude was ready to sacrifice everyone for the revolution until Zara hit him with the baby news and suddenly he was like "aight fuck our efforts, fuck those who died to get us here and fuck the revolution, my estranged wife who betrayed my current girlfriend and got her killed and made sure that my adoptive son lost a mother figure for the second time, told me she's gonna have my child so, I'm out".

Also when he had to make the hard choice he finally understood Melanie. I liked that detail.

At the same time fuck Melanie, bitch you tried but you didn't try hard enough and there were things you didn't have to do anyway like, oh I dunno, torture and kill Josie.

God works hard but Ruth Wallard (was that her last name? I kind of forgot) works harder. My anarchist soul wants to bash her head through a wall but my gay soul cannot resist this adorably stressed, prim and proper stickler-to-the-rules milf lady who's just clinging desperately to the one (1) thing that's keeping her sane and safe (in her opinion) during this post apocalyptic hellscape nightmare.

Os and Till are mlm wlw hostility, don't you just love to see it.

Listen idgaf about the morality of any of this I love LJ. Good riddance to her godawful mother tho.

I loved the mini-redemption Os had after the near-derailment of the train? How he and till held hands because God damnit they were partners and (I'd like to believe) sort of friends, and in the end he didn't betray her.

Also Os and LJ in the end of the season are the perfect ship and I was blind to it all along, I hope they get to be assholes together in S2.

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3. 

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events. 

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school. 

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s  a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that’s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all. 

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card. 

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it. 

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time. 

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but. 

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it. 

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline. 

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period.  Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far. 

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip. 

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay? 

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.)  (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.) 

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh.  Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise? 

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey. 

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done. 

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!! 

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing. 

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips. 

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be  so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout. 

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season. 

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep. 

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing. 

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner? 

[mythical-fangirls]

Was possessed with the urge to write this out

Aphmau’s Mystreet But Ein is raised as Aph’s lil bro because idk, his mom died and his dad is an asshole and because canon is an illusion And because this has been trapped in my brain for days

Aphmau would be more aware of her werewolf heritage and in high school specific that yes, my dad is a werewolf but I got my mom’s human genes

Second year

Alpha Aphmau: All of you BETTER play nice with my baby brother

The werewolves: You have a brother???

The Werewolf Trio: Yeah, a half-brother who’s a werewolf. So he’s going to be in our werewolf class

Ein is not the omega nor the alpha male because his sister forbade it. No one can pick on her brother but her and maybe Aaron

In first year, during a lot of events Ein is just there watching and knowing all the tea

He still dyed a bit of his hair blue because Aesthetic

He once turned to his wolf form and bit Gene during Aphmau’s first year

He still buys his hair dye from Hot Topic and constantly awkwardly have to deal with Gene who keeps asking for pics of his sister

Aphmau’s aware relatively early on that she was marked by the Alpha Male/Omega Aaron as the Alpha Female, because she grew up with a werewolf little brother so she knows a bit about werewolves and it’s one of the reason’s she intentionally signed up for Werewolf Class

Every birthday of Aphmau’s, there are two cakes. Red velvet because its her favourite, and another non-chocolate one for Ein

Ein also knows about Aaron being a werewolf in High School but he was raised with Respect and Manners so he keeps his mouth shut, but does tell Aaron when he and Aph start dating

Ein had a baby crush on Kawaii-Chan and Laurence at the same time

When Aphmau was turned into a werewolf for a week, he helped her adjust to all the shedding

Aphmau: Wait, you use a different shampoo for your fur??

Ein: ... Yes??? Fur and hair are very different, that’s why you don’t use human shampoo on dogs! Have you been using your regular shampoo??

Aphmau:... Yes

Ein: Use mine so there’s less shedding and mom doesn’t have to buy another bulk set of lint rollers

Second year is really calm and stuff, outside of Aphmau getting challenged by Maria everything’s chill

Ein also gets challenged a bunch because everyone thinks that Aphmau tagged him as Alpha Male but no, I’m just her brother

The Alpha Male Aphmau chooses is still Daniel because Shenanigans happen during the games

When he graduates, Aphmau assigns Ein as Alpha Male because they’re graduating in a year or so anyway so they have time to properly scout for proper replacements in the next year or so

Mystreet S1

He either owns his own house on the street or rooms with the Knight Boys or with Aaron to give Aphmau more of an excuse to visit him without causing someone to freak out

S2

He was with Travis at the start but he heard Aaron and Dante talking about a thing and grabs Travis and Celestia and Laurence so they don’t get left behind

He helps Aphmau with mom freaking out

Makes sure everyone knows that his sister cannot swim and neither can he (cue group swimming lessons to help their friends learn how to swim)

Garrence because why not, except they’re still in the “we’re totally just friends bro” phase and Ein and Zane are already Tired, but its better than watching Dante try and fail at flirting

S3

Is Suspect of Gene with Zane

He lives with either Zane, Garroth, and Laurence, or Dante and Travis

Was not transformed into a baby during the Halloween special and made sure Aaron doesn’t eat any chocolate

Post-S3 Pre-S4

He’s just along for the chaotic ride until pain

S4

Idk who’d take his place honestly, with that in mind let’s not

They clean up the lodge and the weirdest thing that happens is a ghost that either gets exorcised or is sent to another place to haunt

They find the potion place and the notes on forever potions, Lucinda takes the book home

Ein befriends the local werewolf pack and asks them to avoid certain roads because of people coming in with this lodge getting repaired

All just happy and fun times, until he off-handedly mentions a weird book about Forever Potions they found to Derek and Garte does shit really start hitting the fan

Then Travis briefly acts off enough to have the warning bells ring in Ein’s head

Oh yeah, Ein’s “werewolf” pack is just the Mystreet crew, they don’t really get it for the most part but they try! (Outside of Aaron and Aph, and Aaron’s werewolf genes & instincts are happy for the familiarity)

S5

Starlight happens but more because Aaron and Ein worked their asses off (because Ein wants to help his future-brother-in-law have the perfect proposal setting and mood because his sister deserves the best)

However, Derek and Garte bring their families plus friends of their family along as well

They tell them a month in advance

Aaron & Ein:...

Ein: Well, at least you can use the money to just buy the rings and eventually fund the wedding, right?

Aaron:... Yeah...

Vylad’s there, oh and Garroth and Laurence are now dating and help set up Zane & Kawaii-Chan

During that one episode where they encounter Kai, he and Ein almost throw hands because no on insults his sister like that but him and maybe Aaron and Katelyn and Zane and-

Aaron asks his family and Ein if its okay for him to turn Aphmau into a werewolf

Aaron: I don’t want to risk her getting hurt because I lost control

The Lycans: We understand, and we give you permission as long as she’s okay with it

Ein:

The Lycans:

Aaron:

Ein: I thought you were just a normal werewolf, maybe a bit weird but the Ultima? Never in my wildest dreams

The Lycans:

Aaron: Fuck

Two days later

Ein: Okay, I’m calm now, yes you can, as long as you tell our mom and get her permission too and also tell Aph that she won’t be able to have red velvet anymore because of werewolf allergies

A day later

Ein, to the Lycans: Oh yeah, remember that Aphmau technically has werewolf genetics because of our father

Derek, having certain pieces clicking together: Just out of curiosity, what’s your father’s name

Ein: Zack *gags*

Derek, internally: PANIC 

Ein helps Aphmau adjust to her new ears and tail, and also makes sure she learn how to hide it as soon as she can

Oh yea, Garroth isn’t turned into a werewolf because Aaron has no reason to lose control because of Ein because Ein’s his soon to be brother-in-law

Starlight is fine but the Adulter Adults are preparing for a storm, Hyria is also there because they needed a powerful witch to prepare for the storm

Things are all fine and dandy until the end when Zack, Elizabeth, and Micheal make their resurgence and ruin shit

S6, now I haven’t fully watched When Angels Fall but I think I understand enough to get what’s happening

With the extra prep, Rowen and the Guardian Forces are informed of the situation to come, Toby has a small team that have been giving a special immunity to Micheal’s control

Starlight is still on high alert, Melissa is shot by one of Micheal’s puppets, Rachel helps the other werewolves in the island escape and leaves with them hoping to be able to see her family at the end of this

On the cannon, through a lot of work and trickery, Micheal is yeeted between Travis and Terry on the platform between the canon, he’s turned into a relic between yeets

The Guardian forces take the relic with Holla’s help and information

The cannon sinks, Zack and Elizabeth are arrested, Garte and Derek do a bit of time for their previous involvement, leaving their fortune to their wives and children

Her Wish

Since there was less disaster in this timeline, its a large Christmas Family gathering featuring Everyone

“Reenee” gets a different excuse to spend Christmas with them

Ein, Lucinda, and Kim hellp her buy a present for Aphmau and Aaron

Ghost/Emmalyn recognizes her and tells the others buy they all keep quiet about it and let her have her time with her all of her family for once, even if they’re different dimensional counterparts

[mego42]

1x10 discussion questions

one season down, two to go!!! this has been so much fun y’all. i've watched s1 all by my onesies a totally normal amount of times but watching with all of you is it’s own kind of delight. your jokes and your takes are a+++. truly enhance the experience. and i know i say it every week but a sincere thank you to @pynkhues​ for organizing and all the work you put into it.

ANYWAY enough of the gross emo stuff.

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

this is a question with an objectively correct answer and it’s when dean gets hit by a car. the last scene is p good too i guess.

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

the line dancing scene chills me to my core but that says more about my feelings about line dancing than the scene itself. it’s not so much that it misses the mark as much as i consider it a personal attack on part with repeatedly saying sauce arms and making me remember the bandaid.

3. Let’s start from the top! That scene with Rio and Turner! This is our first ever Rio POV scene, and a lot of crucial information is delivered in it – from what Rio’s like as a crime boss to the situation with Eddie. What do you make of this scene? And do you think Rio ever saw Turner as a real threat?

rio saw turner as a whole ass snack and he was right

4. It’s Beth and Dean’s twentieth anniversary! Beth warms to him again over the course of this episode before the cancer lie is revealed. What do you think the trajectory of Beth and Dean’s relationship would’ve looked like if the lie hadn’t been revealed?

eventually beth would’ve taken out the trash. i don’t think there’s a version of the two of them that would work long term as long as beth is coming more and more into herself through crime and dean is, you know, dean. would’ve totally derailed the brio pacing though so someone get that doctor a medal.

5. Annnnd on a related note, do you think the cancer lie is lost to us forever, or that the show might still throw it back on the table at some point?

i have deep seated tv-related trust issues so i’ve convinced myself that no we won’t so i can’t be any more disappointed than i already am

6. Ben has his first few days at St. Anne’s, and it goes well, despite Annie’s reservations. Do you think Greg was right to change Ben’s schooling? Do you think Annie was right in having her reservations? Or is it some combination of both?

as a product of a catholic school elementary environment i feel extremely qualified to say that catholic school kids will fuck you up and annie was absolutely justified in her reservations. that said, clearly the public school kids were also fucking ben up so greg was in the right too. the moral of the story is kids are assholes. 

7. What do you think the show might be saying with the fact that Annie’s son finds safety at a school called St. Anne’s?

you know i never connected those dots before. it’s a little on the nose but it makes me go awwwww so i’ll allow it.

8. What do you think of the Fine & Frugal job overall? Do you think it was a good idea to set Rio up in the way that they did? Do you think it was a good way to get the money for Sara’s transplant?

the (second!! second!!!!) fine & frugal job was, to put it mildly, extremely stupid. just the fact that they robbed it for the second time is enough but oh my GOD the rio portion of the plan tips it over the edge. it’s too many levels of stupid i can’t list them all. it’s the girls at their most short sighted and it makes me want to bang my head against the nearest flat surface.

THAT SAID one thing that i’ve always really loved about the show is the girls are like, truly awful at crime in many ways and fairly consistently reap the consequences of that. i love that they’re sort of bumbling their way to success with their individual talents and determination but not being like, smooth criminals or whatever. i’ve watched the version of this show where that happens (*stares in weeds*) and it’s infuriating.

9. What do you think of the scene with Tyler at the end and how he let the girls off the hook in exchange for getting to be the hero? What do you think this tells us about the overall themes of the show?

i love the hell out of tyler that pure hearted himbo. i know there are deeper thoughts here around male entitlement and how it’s seen through characters like boomer and dean and turner and rio but it’s late and my brain is there. i do like how it’s mmmmmm underscored? subverted? by tyler basically asking annie to make it seem like he’s someone to be taken seriously. it reminds me of a little kid asking for help playing dress up or make believe. idk idk idk pretend i said something smart.

10. Mary Pat discovers Boomer’s been spying on her! It leads to one of my favourite fights of the entire series between Mary Pat and Boomer! What do you think that fight told us about Mary Pat and Boomer’s relationship so far, and who each of them are as people?  

mary-pat was deeply wronged and in a different ‘verse is bffs with the girls. JUSTICE FOR MARY-PAT

11. On a related note, what did you think of Mary Pat going to Beth with the news?

i love it, for as much as mary-pat tries to walk tall and carry a big stick or whatever, as soon as stuff starts falling apart her first instinct is to run to her crime mom for help. THEY SHOULD BE FRIENDS DAMMIT. 

12. Beth throws down a pretty big bluff with Annie and Ruby about going to Canada to take over Rio’s business. Do you think she actually intended to go through with it? Or do you think she was just joking? Or was it something in between?

you know how sometimes people tell jokes that are so funny hahahaha but also omg you guys what if we really did it? it’s one of those. 

13. In 100 words or less, please describe your emotional journey in watching Stan find out what Ruby had done for the money to save Sara.  

N O 

14. Annie and Greg have a pivotal moment together as co-parents at the end of this episode. Do you think this is a satisfying culmination to their arc across this season? And do you see any sort of future for them as a couple overall?

probs not any time soon bc i think zach gilford got another job but i hope so bc i love them lEaVE mE aLoNE

15. That! Final! Scene! Between! Beth! Rio! And! Dean! So much emotion! Give us all your thoughts, comments, feelings! And pretend you were yet to see s2 - what would you predict the outcome would be?

i love literally (like, actually literally) every single thing about this scene. truly god tier and we haven’t even gotten to the dean gets shot/face-touching/E L I Z A B E T H stuff. i’m trying to remember what i thought when i first watched this but honestly i think i was just mashing the next episode button over and over like some kind of psychotic chimpanzee on meth bc netflix wasn’t loading fast enough. 

[penniesforthestorm]

“Never trust a man with three first names”: ‘Justified’ Season Two, Episode One

That’s right, I’m still doing these! Before we start, a few procedural notes-- the premiere and finale episodes will be given the typical essay-style treatment, the rest recapped 3 at a time, according to whatever I jot down while watching. This particular season has a relatively self-contained narrative, so if you were only going to watch one season of Justified, this might be the one to choose-- I like S1 a lot, obviously, but after the pilot, it takes a rocky road for a few episodes (though the final six are pretty uniformly riveting). My thoughts on S1 can be found by clicking through (pilot, Episodes 2-5, Episodes 6-9, Episodes 10-12, finale), or you can search the tag ‘#did you miss my heart on purpose’ on my blog. Read on for my thoughts on S2:E1: “The Moonshine War”.

This episode begins with a refresher, taking us back to the chaos of “Bulletville” (S1:E13)-- Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) is taking shelter in a cabin somewhere in Harlan County, Kentucky, with his former coal-mining compatriot Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins), and Boyd’s sister-in-law Ava Crowder (Joelle Carter), facing fire from two emissaries of the Miami drug cartel, Ernesto and Pilar, who want revenge on Raylan for killing one of their own. Raylan manages to give Ava and Boyd the chance to escape, and shoots Ernesto. Pilar flees, and Boyd offers to track her down, making another claim to the old friendship between himself and Raylan, who allows him a head start.

We pick up with Raylan’s boss, Deputy Chief Art Mullen (Nick Searcy), and his team in the woods, questioning Ava. He asks, “Where’s your boyfriend?”, referencing Raylan and Ava’s brief affair (which compromised the initial investigation into Boyd Crowder’s criminal activities), and Ava replies, “Which one?” I think, in the moment, this is just Ava being flip, but in light of later developments, it caught my attention. After that, Boyd and Raylan catch up to Pilar, and Raylan delivers her (quite literally) to the home of Miami cartel boss Gio. Raylan’s former boss, Deputy Chief Grant, arrives, and the business between them is concluded with a pointedly off-the-record conversation. Following that, Grant tells Raylan that he’s welcome to return to Miami-- in fact, that Art Mullen wants him gone. Raylan, typically, takes this with the utmost maturity and declares that he just wants to go home (i.e., his motel room in Lexington) and go to bed. This is one of numerous examples of my favorite bit of characterization: Raylan Gives is handsome, funny, good at his job, and generally a good guy to have in a crisis. He’s also kind of an asshole. There’s the hoary stereotype of “yeah, but he gets results!”-- the renegade cop who is nevertheless always right. Raylan Givens is a great illustration of what a pain in the ass someone like that is for his colleagues.

One of those colleagues, Deputy Rachel Brooks (Erica Tazel), asks for Raylan’s assistance tracking down a sex offender who’s been spotted in Harlan: Jimmy Earl Dean. On the way, Rachel confesses that, as an African-American woman, she feels uncomfortable around the local white population, and since Raylan is a native Harlanite, she thought having him along would smooth the way. Rachel, from what we’ve seen so far, is tough and competent-- she’s not asking for a babysitter, she’s just being cautious. She can’t afford to be as reckless and nonchalant as Raylan is, and I like that the show calls our attention to that. And, likewise, that Raylan helps out.

It turns out that Dean is currently in the employ of the Bennett family-- matriarch Mags (Margo Martindale), and her “tads” Doyle, Dickie, and Coover--who run what appears to be a sizable marijuana operation. Dean attempts to menace a young girl, Loretta McCready (Kaitlyn Dever), whose father Walt (Chris Mulkey) has been growing his own bud on Bennett land, but Loretta’s a tough customer, and she’s able to get away. At home, Walt tells her that he called the tipline set up to catch Dean. Loretta realizes that this was a mistake-- the Bennetts won’t appreciate outside attention being brought to their business-- and goes to apologize to Mags.

The Bennett family is about as colorful a batch of characters as we’ve seen on the show so far. Mags seems every inch the jolly Southern lady, and her concern for Loretta is genuine, but her frank conversation with Raylan, when he and Rachel arrive at her general store, establishes her as a shrewd operator. She might ply him with her famous “apple pie” moonshine*, and warmly boast of his high-school athletic prowess to a seemingly starstruck Loretta, but she knows what his presence means. Likewise Doyle, who we’ve just seen interrogating Walt at the McCready home-- Doyle jokes with Raylan and demurs that he’s ‘not involved with the family business’, but even if we hadn’t seen evidence to the contrary, we’d know from the way he and Raylan size each other up that something’s fishy.

Which brings us to Coover (Brad William Henke) and Dickie (Jeremy Davies). Coover doesn’t appear to have much going on upstairs, but his sheer size and dull aura of menace mark him instantly as trouble. Dickie, on the other hand, is scrawny and frail-seeming, with a bad limp and a soft voice, but he quickly takes control of the situation when Raylan and Rachel arrive for a chat. It’s heavily implied that he and Raylan share a history, and, retrospectively, knowing what that history is makes their first encounter even wilder to watch-- Davies’ line readings are so thrillingly weird, it’s no wonder both Raylan and Rachel seem unsure what to do.

Fortunately, their immediate problem proves easier to dispel: Dean kidnaps Loretta, but State Trooper Tom Bergen (in what I believe is his first major appearance) alerts Raylan, and they catch up to him at a gas station. Raylan, in an inspired bit of improv, squirts Dean with gasoline, and then warns him that if he fires his gun, he’ll explode. (I’m not sure this would work, but neither is Raylan, so I’ll accept it). Raylan gallantly rescues Loretta, and Dean is taken away in cuffs.

Unfortunately, Loretta’s prediction about Mags’ ire proves true: as punishment for trying to poach Mags’ business and for telling the authorities about Dean instead of going to Mags directly, Walt gets a glass of poisoned “apple pie”. This scene is haunting-- the fear and surprise on Walt’s face, the way Mags’ voice never rises above a gentle croon as she scolds him, the way Dickie holds Walt’s hand and strokes his head as the poison takes effect. In the first season, Justified’s setting seemed a little haphazardly chosen-- the action could have taken place in any number of out-of-the-way places. But this scene, and the episode around it, show us that this season will be taking full advantage of the Appalachia featured in Leonard’s novels and stories. (Despite being filmed in Southern California. No, this will not be the last time I complain about that.)

*I have two notes about the moonshine: 1) Rachel refusing a sample, while it makes sense for her by-the-book character, is, in my opinion, a grave mistake of politesse. 2) My great-uncle, who ran a small, but successful cattle ranch in north-central Montana for most of his life, was famous for giving away jars of something we all called “cherry-bounce”. I’m a little sorry I never had the chance to try any. (He did teach me how to dance the polka, though. He was a cool guy.)