#and the space emperor one is uhhhhh

[the-grim-squeaker-8]

Would you like to tell me about your ocs

uhhhh what ocs. ive never had one of those in my life.

ok like in all honesty the last few months(?) have just been me fixating on a rotating series of indulgent throwaway characters and scenarios that feel like they change out every week but i suspect if i kept notes its actually probably like every other day. they entertain me while my interest holds, and if i don’t make Something™ out of each and every one of them, thats okay. Maybe a couple of them will eventually cycle back in and i’ll figure out something to do with them, idk.

That said I dug through the last yearish(?)’s worth of content I can remember to try and find anything reasonably interesting and/or shelf-stable:

Magicalgirlverse - one of the only things ive actually written for in a while. most of them are underdeveloped (ie. pending literally any development). I know there’s a hearts/love-themed magical girl, a flower magical girl, a sun moon stars trio, a wolf magical girl, and one whose original prompt was “godzilla”.

The problem is... I thought it would be fun to give one of them a monster boyfriend, and then I thought it would be sad if all his friends were dead or evil, so I added a second monster boyfriend, who is very angry with the first one, and then the drama between them hijacked the plot.

The magical girls will get to be the center of their own story. Eventually. I hope.

Characters I can reasonably describe in any detail so far:

Bright Angel Queen: hearts magical girl. Not quite an endless font of compassion, but she tries. Her real name is Hestia and yes she picked it.

Scythe: Monster boyfriend (sad). Used to be evil but defected out of love for Hestia. Has a very goth civiliansona (defaults to his true from in private, no i don't know what he looks like). Used to have four brothers and would literally rip his heart out of his chest to save the last of them.

Shadow: Monster boyfriend (angry). Used to be (?) evil but left because everyone he cared about was dead, abandoned him, or in Dark Glory’s case, in danger if they stayed. Would watch Scythe rip his heart out of his chest for his sake, and still spit in his face.

Dark Glory: wolf magical girl. Morally ambiguous. Solitary. Traumatized. Would die for Shadow (he would never allow it).

Princess Pixie Victory Screamer: an eight-year-old girl who wants nothing more than to be a T-rex when she grows up. Some people shorten her name to Pixie. Scythe shortens it to Screamer.

Ardanath – I waffled about whether to mention this one, both because of the subject matter and also because she’s only been around for like a week and I don’t know if she’ll stick, but by all metrics she’s the oc I’ve most recently been rotating in my mind, so.

Ardanath is a princess whose mother (a local morally ambiguous overlord) was murdered by a rival evil overlord, who then kidnapped Ardanath and made her marry him. Honestly, she wasnt supposed to be on this list; she was an npc in a solo ttrpg I played about one of her mother’s warriors (and Ardanath’s father) trying to save her and I was planning to move on from this scenario afterwards but then he failed, and DIED, and it was very upsetting, and I couldn’t just LEAVE her like that she deserves closure. And revenge.

It’s gonna be a rough next couple of years for her, but she will endure, reject her affinity for spring and fertility and instead become the avatar of autumn, death, and decay, murder a bunch of her children (i know she leaves at least one of them alive), resurrect her father as an undead thrall because he would be a loyal and reliable source of eternal servitude, get her revenge, and become an evil overlord in her own right, just like her parents always wanted her to be.

I don’t know if it would be pragmatic for her to make her husband suffer before he dies but I hope she gets to.

Wrath – this one is hard to explain because in helping a friend develop their oc I found my interpretation of the premise so compelling i stole her to make in my own image but since I stripped out all the lore and havent filled in anything new I don’t... know how she gets here.

I know she’s basically a rogue lab experiment (I don’t know who made her or why), named herself Wrath (I don’t know why she’s angry), and has some specific form of magic that erodes her sanity and sense of self if mismanaged (I don’t know what the magic actually does but it was mismanaged). One of the people who contributed to her creation is a wizard who had the same magic as her but he left the project ages ago, tbd to what extent his participation was voluntary and fully-informed, if he knows she exists and how she was treated, etc.

idk I just think it would be funny if she just randomly shows up in this guy's house, covered in blood and like 70% sane on a good day, and wants his help with this one thing and isnt interested in any deeper relationship, and this is how he finds out she exists.

They will eventually found family each other but she already has a found family and isn’t interested in being daughtered so it’s one-sided at first. She keeps disappearing for weeks or months at a time and he keeps trying to delicately ask where she goes (elsewhere) and what she’s doing (crime) and if anyone is looking out for her (other, equally dysfunctional escaped lab experiments) and whose blood is that anyway (hers, now) and she keeps getting bored with his concerns and wandering off to go kill someone. I love her.

[syn4k]

Open mic night

Requests are closed. Please do not send any in.

One warm spring night, all of the emperors were invited around Oli's campfire on the Olipelago.

"Now," he said, leaning towards the flames, "we have an evening of storytelling and music, drama and mystique!" He leaned back and raised his arms. "Welcome to the Olipelago's Open Mic Campfire Night!"

There was polite clapping from all sides. "Ooh, it rhymes," said Joel to Jimmy, who was sitting next to him and nodded.

"As your host, I'll go first," said Oli, taking out his lute and experimentally strumming a few chords. "I've been practicing this one for a while, and I think you'll all like it." He grinned, and couldn't keep a small snicker out of his voice as he went on. "Anyways, here's Wonderwall."

Jimmy had to be physically restrained from jumping over the fire and beating the lute into the ground, but otherwise, the performance went as smoothly as could be expected. Fwhip kept his head in his hands, Gem looked anywhere but her neighbor, and Pix kept a neutral expression on his face, trading marshmallows to roast with Sausage nearby and quietly showing him how to get them onto s'mores. A couple people clapped halfheartedly when Oli finished his performance.

"I'll go next," announced Jimmy loudly as soon as the last note had wavered out of the air. He stood up on the log he was sitting on. "In the mesa, we have a long tradition of telling scary stories at night to keep ourselves busy while out at outposts," he said, voice lowering. "One of the most popular tales, and the one that I'll be sharing with everyone here tonight, is that of the Forgotten Horseman."

A few people around the fire gasped, but quieted down as Jimmy went on. The Forgotten Horseman, he explained, was a long-lost fifth spirit of the mesa that had been separated from her brothers when she forsook her station to do good for mortals upon the world. She had once been known as Fate, but she stayed entirely neutral. Legend had it that she was still wandering around the mesas at night, keeping guard over the town. But if you ever said a bad thing about her, she would hear and cause misfortune and havoc in your household.

The campfire was very quiet when he finished. "You're right," said Oli. "That was scary."

"Thank you," said Jimmy in a cheerful tone much different than the more solemn one he had used for the stories. "Anyone else?"

"Uhhhhh, I might have something," mumbled Joel. Everyone looked at him, and he shifted in his seat. "It's not a very long story," he said quickly. "I don't think many people would be interested in-"

"Any stories are worth sharing," said Pix. Several people nodded, and Joel sighed and went on haltingly.

"It's about the ocean," he said. "Some people say that because the rivers go into the ocean and because it drips into the caves and goes into the air and all that, the ocean knows everything. That's why sometimes people sail across it to other places and learn things."

"Oh, that's a thing I've heard too!" exclaimed Joey. "At my seaside town, we have a saying. It goes something like 'the sea is a knowledgeable mistress, but her tempers are dangerous.' Out on the open ocean, things can change like that." He snapped his fingers.

"Well, that's not ominous at all," said Lizzie.

"Anyone else?" asked Oli. Everyone but Pix shook their heads.

"I was going to go last," he said. "I have a yarn to spin, if anyone would like to hear it."

"The history man tells a history story?" asked Oli. "How surprising!"

"Well, I wouldn't say it's history," said Pix. "More of a legend."

"Pix tells the best stories," whispered Jimmy to Sausage, who nodded. "Go on."

"Well," said Pix, voice taking on a mysterious and solemn quality, "it's been said that in another land long ago, there was a man who tangled with a Creator.

"Back then, the gods and the more common players mingled freely and shared space more often than they did now. The world was smaller back then, you see. But this man was so powerful that eventually one of the gods decided that something had to be done to stop him."

Everyone leaned in, and Pix laughed a little. "Oh, yeah. Apparently, this guy was so powerful that one of the Creators decided he had to do something about it himself.

"So he walked up to this guy like normal, but instead of talking like they usually did, the god took out an axe and chopped off his arm."

Everyone around the fire gasped. "Is he alright?" asked Oli.

"Oh, yeah," said Pixl. "Apparently he just made himself an arm out of metal and wire to replace the old one and became even more powerful."

Gem squinted at him. "This sounds familiar," she said.

Pix shrugged and gave her a smile. "You might have heard it somewhere before," he said. "It's an old legend, but not a very popular one, and as time goes on I'm seeing that it's fading into obscurity."

"Thank goodness you're here for that, then, Pix," said Fwhip. He lifted his small glass of water. "Three cheers to the story man!"

[kingwithpaintedfingers]

Okay, so like I'm gonna try to guess who all the first captains are based on who the most prominent space marine in their legion is at the time of the Heresy. I could totally look it up, but it makes a better point if I don't xDDD Because I'm second guessing my knowledge now!!

I've only read one 40k Space Marine novel and I can't remember any first captains other than Typhus being mentioned in it, so I don't know who the modern day ones are.

Dark Angels: Luther, right? Because he's important, and he's Lion's dad/brother figure?? So probably Luther??? (If you hadn't told me it was Luther, I was going to say "watch it be Cypher lol")

Emperor's Children: uhhhhh he's like a noise marine or something

Iron Warriors: Forrix, right??? I remember him from First Wall, he was really memorable in that one. I really felt for him there.

White Scars: For someone who read the entire White Scars Heresy trilogy, you'd think I'd remember, but I don't. It was a dude who got executed at the end in the first book, then I think it was maybe Jubal Khan, but maybe he was the huntmaster??? I do not remember. Probably because I haven't read The Path of Heaven recently.

Space Wolves: Torbjørn Wölfbälls idk All jokes aside, maybe his name started with an H and he had no sense of humor? The character I'm thinking of shows up in Scars and I remember him being more tolerable than the last set of Space Wolves I had to listen to.

Imperial Fists: Sigismund! I remember him!

Night Lords: Sevatar, obs

Blood Angels: uhhhhh it starts with an R and it's bugging me that I can't remember him. He was badass and he killed Skraivok because obviously, why did Skraivok think that situation was going to end differently?! Came back later. It's Ralderon!

Iron Hands: I could not name a single Iron Hands character if you put a hot iron between my toes, and I've read Ferrus Manus's primarch novel, and an Iron Hand shows up in Scars!

World Eaters: not a clue. Not Kharn, though.

Ultramarines: Apparently his name is Andos. I don't know who he is, or Gage, or what the difference between a Chapter Master and a First Captain was back in the Heresy era.

Death Guard: First it was a guy named Antavus Barrazin (it should not have taken me as long as it did to look up the spelling on a wiki, but there are no good wikis for this fandom, I swear), then at some point Typhon becomes the first captain. But the DG are my fav faction, so that's a softball for me.

Thousand Sons: Like the DG, this one's easy. Also like the DG, it's also their chief librarian! (Well, Typhon's an unofficial chief librarian, but whatever) It's Ahzek Ahriman!

Sons of Horus: Abaddon, which is a relief because I was worried it might have been Horus Aximand for a second.

Word Bearers: Is it Kor Phaeron???? I know it isn't Erebus because he's the chaplain...

Salamanders: I should probably look this up at some point, it's going to be useful someday.

Raven Guard: I was going to make a rude joke, but then I remembered how much they suffered at Istvaan, so I decided to simply say I do not know this one.

Alpha Legion: Easy, it's Alpharius.

I am begging you all, react to this and/or roast me. I welcome it!

Watching a loretuber talk about first Captains during the heresy.

He says Marius Gage was first captain if the Ultramarines *facepalm* and people wonder why I dont like 99% of loretubers, its just a grift for them.

Saying Gage is the first captain is like saying Marneus Calgar is the current first captain of the Ultras. How am I supposed to trust loretubers when they cant even know the difference between a chapter master and a first captain, in an episode dedicated to the latter?

The first captain of the Ultramarines during the heresy is Andos. (and in true Ultramarine fashion, as a first captain he doesn't get a lot of love, he is in like one chapter of one book that ive found so far. but to be fair, I'm not that into the heresy books so he might have more cameos that I just haven't read, but he exists)

[rockshortage]

Henlo..... can I get uhhhhh 1, 5, 8, 10, 11, and 18?

yes you can welcome to burbger kign

1. On a scale of “is occasionally forced to bathe” to “Instagram model with sponsors to hoe for” how involved is your OC’s Skincare routine?

It’s like… slightly above bare minimum. He washes his face in the morning, maybe in the evening as well if he’s feeling grimy. If he has or can find any lotion, he’ll moisturize occasionally because he’s got pretty dry skin.

5. Does your OC get lost easily? What do they do when they do get lost?

He’s got a fairly good sense of direction, provided he’s paying attention. It’s easy when he considers getting from A to B / figuring out how to get to C / … his objective to focus on. But if that isn’t the main point of his quest, it’s not unlikely that he’ll get distracted with something along the way and get turned around.

That’s when he panics internally for a moment, makes sure no one’s around who noticed that he’s embarrassing himself right now, and if there is, just keep walking like he knows what he’s doing until he’s either: out of sight of the onlookers, magically gets back on the right track, or is forced to admit his failure as a human being and stop to actually figure this out. Looking for any landmarks he might recognize, retracing his steps, or -oh no- ask someone for help. 

8. If your OC had to take the S.A.T. tomorrow with one night to prep, how would they do?  both emotionally and academically.

Naturally, he’d pull an all-nighter. Good thing for him is that he’s somewhat used to being sleep deprived, so he functions better on little to no sleep than your average person who always gets their 8 hours. Study time ranges from being a nervous wreck about the time crunch and not getting shit done to Super Focus Time where he just blasts through all the material no problem. Similar with his confidence – he knows he’s smart and good at this kind of stuff, so it should be easy! But what if they ask a question about this specific thing and phrase it that way and he interprets it differently or just straight up forgets or doesn’t know the answer?? Oh no oh god this is going to be awful, he will make a fool of himself and not be able to answer the easiest questions-

Probably aces it in the end but will be pessimistic while he waits for the results, even if he felt the test went well.

10. On a scale of “Complete and Justified nervous breakdown” to “Conquer The Entire Galaxy and become an Immortal God-Emperor”, how well would your OC handle being abducted by Aliens?

“no no this is stupid and bullshit he wants off this ride”

Hector does not doubt alien life exists. It’s far more probable than whatever supernatural bullshit people on earth dream up, like ghosts and werewolves and vampires and all that. But. BUT. Aliens as in Little Green Men? Absolutely not. Nope, no way. If he happens to get abducted by those he’ll just assert that he had to be drugged and was hallucinating or something, because that is most definitely not real, no matter how real it seems.

He just wants to go home, man. He didn’t sign up for this, he’d rather not get experimented on. Even if somehow (most likely through persistently peaceful communication of the aliens) Hector gets more open to the idea of accepting his situation… he’d still wanna go home. Yeah, space is cool and it’s super tempting to go explore the galaxy and all the technology it has to offer, but… he has friends back home. Those are more important.

11. What song is 100% garunteed to get your OC beyond turnt and will be sung loudly and emabarrasingly, either in public or the shower?

Picking just one is an impossible task because favorites cycle in and out. But Rammstein is always a safe bet, particularly: Benzin, Zerstören, Morgenstern, Mein Herz Brennt. But look, if any NDH happens to play anywhere and it’s not his own doing? He will get turnt AF no matter what

18. What’s the trashiest item in your OC’s wardrobe, when was the last time they wore it and why do they still have it?

answered here!

[stillwinterair]

2020 in books so far! All 21 of them!

Season of Storms by Andrzej Sapkowski -- Finished January 1st. My least favorite Witcher novel. In a series that managed to surprise and endear me at every turn, this one final romp did almost nothing for me. 2/5 stars.

Star Wars: Hard Merchandise by K.W. Jeter -- Finished January 17th. The final chapter in the Bounty Hunter Wars trilogy, and by far the worst of the three. 2/5 stars.

Migration by Julie E. Czerneda -- Finished February 18th. The middle chapter in Czerneda’s excellent Species Imperative trilogy, fun and charismatic, sciencey and cute. Didn’t hit me quite the same way as the first in the trilogy did, but still had fun. 4/5 stars.

Star Wars: Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn -- Finished February 2nd. It was okay. 3/5 stars.

To be continued under the cut, including thoughts on The Expanse, which has taken over my life this year:

Mass Effect: Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn -- Finished February 25th. Borrowed from a coworker, was immensely disappointed, decided once and for all I wasn’t going to touch tie-in novels for the rest of the year. That wound up being a great decision. 2/5 stars.

The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty -- Finished March 12th. The first of Chakraborty’s Daevabad trilogy, this was a great little historical fantasy fiction about a half-djinn caught up in about a thousand tropes I usually hate, but were written with care and nuance and charm. 4/5 stars.

Midway through The City of Brass, news of a virus overseas begin making waves.

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie -- Finished March 29th. The first of Leckie’s Imperial Radch saga. So, so, so many incredible concepts that I loved dearly... but all just slightly off to the side of where they would normally hit me. I wanted to love this book so badly, and it kept almost hitting me, but never quite did, at least not as hard as I wanted it to. Still, I enjoyed the world and the characters enough that I bought the sequel and will read it soon. 3/5 stars.

AAAAAND PANDEMIC! I began this book when I was still working, and finished it while in quarantine. So that’s fun. From here on out, all of these books were read from my couch or my bed.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison -- Finished April 16th. Another book I wanted desperately to love and... succeeded a bit more than with Ancillary Justice, thanks to how ceaselessly charming it was. But the names. Oh, god this book is full of fake fantasy names and titles and you have to remember all of them and the glossary isn’t always helpful. But, still. I found myself so endeared, I couldn’t put it down. 4/5 stars.

Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey -- Finished May 3rd. The first book of The Expanse, and I fell in love instantly. This one hit all the right buttons and didn’t stop: good science fiction, fun space adventure, charming characters, perfect level of tension, the list goes on. And reading this one was... the beginning of a certain obsession I’ve had this year. 5/5 stars.

Consider Phlebas by Iain M. Banks -- Finished May 21st. The latter half of this book? Great. Stellar. The first half...? Uhhhhh. Eh? By far one of the most insufferable protagonists I’ve ever had to slog through, but some really cool scifi concepts here (and also some really bad ones -- the whole desert island cannibal thing was stupid as hell, but the Damage Game got me). 3/5 stars.

Caliban’s War by James S.A. Corey -- Finished May 30th. The second book in The Expanse series. I could not put this one down. Everything I loved about Leviathan Wakes, amplified a thousand times. The additions of Bobbie, Prax, and Avasarala made me ascend. This book fired on all cylinders and I loved every moment of it; it stands as one of my three favorite Expanse books so far -- but we’ll get to those. Anyway, I can’t give it 6/5, so we’ll have to settle with: 5/5 stars.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut -- Finished June 1st. A book I’d been meaning to read for a while and finally got around to. Literally finished it in two sittings. Mostly it made me sad. 4/5 stars.

The Strong Shall Live by Louis L’Amour -- Finished June 2nd. A collection of wild west short stories. A couple were great, a few were awful -- most were just okay. I’d been reading it slowly since December, and finishing felt more like a weight off my mind than anything else. Still, some of these stories were incredibly memorable. 3/5 stars.

Larissa by Emily Devenport -- Finished June 4th. I read this in about three sittings overall, which is a lot faster than I usually read. It wasn’t particularly good, but it was the exact sort of scifi junk I eat up for some reason. This is... a very, very weird one. It was very progressive for the time (the book is as old as I am), so much so that I wasn’t surprised to find her on Twitter very publicly supporting BLM and decrying the current administration. It’s about a black woman in space, wealth disparity, and a bunch of other stuff. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t, but Devenport was trying, all the way back in 93. It’s also the sequel to a book I didn’t know existed until I’d already finished, but I guess that one didn’t matter so much to the plot of Larissa? Anyway, had a blast, even though I can’t quite put a finger on why. 4/5 stars. (I actually had this one marked as 3/5 stars, but my memories of it are all very positive, so... it was worth the bump.)

Abaddon’s Gate by James S.A. Corey -- Finished June 13th. Third in The Expanse, and not my favorite. The pacing in the first half was a little wonky, but once it gets going, boy does it go. 4/5 stars.

Regeneration by Julie E. Czerneda -- Finished June 25th. The final entry in the Species Imperative trilogy. This might have been my least favorite of the three, unfortunately, as much like Ancillary Justice it always seemed to hit just to the side of where I wanted it to. The first one was by far my favorite, and the third installment just couldn’t recapture that magic, but I love the protagonist and was happy to walk with her to the end. Plus, as always, there’s some damn good science fiction here. 4/5 stars.

Cibola Burn by James S.A. Corey -- Finished July 4th. HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER, this one has everything! I don’t even want to spoil what, just know that this is exactly what you want after Abaddon’s Gate, and had everything it was missing and more. This one rocked my fucking world, and is one of my three favorite Expanse books so far. Another one I’d rate higher if I could, but for now... 5/5 stars.

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold -- DNF, July 8th. This book had me until the 35-year-old protagonist started trying to hide his arousal while he was watching the two teenage girls he was tutoring swim, and it was played off as like... cute? I don’t know man, fuck this book, it made me miserable.

Nemesis Games by James S.A. Corey -- Finished July 16th. Once again, HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER, HELL YEAH! This book begins with some of the slowest pacing in the series so far, but god, have they earned it. It feels so good to just take a break and walk a mile in the shoes of all your favorite characters. And then when things hit? Boy do they fucking hit. The third in my trifecta of favorite Expanse books so far, and another I’d rate higher if I could. 5/5 stars.

The Assassin’s Curse by Cassandra Rose Clarke -- Finished July 21st. I really thought this was going to be a fun pirate book. Instead, it’s a book about a fun pirate slogging along with the most obnoxious man in the history of fiction, who she is also falling in love with, apparently, for some reason. I don’t know. This is a duology but idk if I’m even interested in the sequel. Which is a shame, because I really liked the protagonist. 2/5 stars.

Babylon’s Ashes by James S.A. Corey -- Finished August 5th. Definitely my least favorite Expanse novel so far, mostly because the narrative was stretched very thin. This one hit really fucking hard toward the beginning, and again at the end, but in the middle? The middle was very... nebulous. A lot happens and I’m not interested in all of it, which is something this series has thus far managed to avoid doing. Still, very good, just not quite up to the standards I’m used to from this series. 4/5 stars.

And... it’s August! And I haven’t picked up another book since the 5th, which feels weird, but is due to a lot of factors. I’m in the middle of moving, so I don’t have as much time to read during the day. But also I’m waiting on a shipment of books to come in, and it hasn’t yet, and that’s stressing me out. Of those, there are a couple I’m leaning toward reading, but if the ol’ Read The First Page trick doesn’t work on any of them, I’ll probably hop back to Imperial Radch.

[phobidawg]

Holiday Lunar Bake-Off; Episode 1, Introductions and Welcomes

A hot new portscreen series (Hosted by Iko!) where some of your favorite celebrities (including Emporer Kaito, Queen Selene, and Ambassador Winter Hayle-Blackburn and more,) compete to win the title of Lunar Bake-Off Champion! 

(or a *really* cringy crack fic where Iko throws them all in a baking competition and none of them know how to bake. It gets funnier in the later chapters, I promise. Also excuse and grammar or editing mistakes, I know there are many but I started this a long time ago and don’t want to bothering going through all of it again. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of prewritten chapters!)

Iko: *bursts onto screen in a flurry or glittery snowflakes* I just love the holidays! Lots of friends, family, presents, cute outfits..... and supposedly best of all, the food! *mumbles something under breath about not having taste buds*

Anyway, Welcome to the Holiday Lunar Bake-off! We've selected eight celebrity contestants from all over Earth and Luna to compete for the grand prize, 50,000 univs!! Enough to buy over 300 amazing outfits! Without further ado, the contestants!!! *throws arms open wide gesturing to side door of Kitchen*

*nothing happens*

Iko: I said, the contestants!!!

(off-screen Cinder) Iko, you have each name individually!

Iko: I do? Well then, *looks at paper in hand* our very first contestant is Luna's very own, Selene Jannali-Blackburn, aka Cinder!!

*Cinder emerges from side door, looking annoyed*

Cinder: Why am I always first?! First to be shot at, first to be enlisted to overthrow a queen, first to bother *cough*Thorne*cough*...

Iko: *cutting of rant* So, Cinder, tell us about yourself. *sticks mic in Cinder's face*

Cinder: *leaning away from mic and taking a step back* Um, well, I used to live in New Beijing as a mechanic...

(Off-stage) Kai: The best one there was!

Cinder: *shooting glare at door* And anyway then I found out I was a missing princess of a rock in space and saved a bunch of people from a tyrant and turned Luna into a democracy. So yeah. *feeble jazz-hands*

Iko: *swooning* And most importantly, your now engaged to dreamy Emperor Kai! Tell us, how does it feel knowing you'll be married to Kai soon?!

Cinder: I thought we were here to bake, not gossip!

Iko: I don't know about you, but Kai's smile definitely bake's my wires *cheesy wink*

(off stage awkward coughing)

Cinder: *ignoring horrible pun* By the way, would you mind showing me how to work that complicated fondant roller in the back because I really don't want to lose my other hand too....

Iko: Next up we have Scarlet Benoit of Rieux, France!

Kinney the Cameraman (off-screen): Um, Iko? My portscreen's battery is running a bit low...

Iko: Shh! We're filming!

Kinney: But...

Iko: The show must go on! SCARLET! Scarlet: *kicks open double-doors* Bonjour mon ami. (hello my friend)

Iko: Bonjour! Est-ce nous parlons en francais? (can we speak in french)

Scarlet: *Shrugs* D'accord. (sure)

Kinney: *coughs* Um, bless you?

Iko: Kinney! For the last time cameramen don't talk!

Kinney: *mumbles something under breath*

*Whole screen tilts sideways toward ground for a moment, before righting itself*

Iko: Kinney!

Kinney: *mumbling* whoops.

Iko: So Scarlet, you are probably the most accomplished baker in this whole set of people, and most likely the only one who knows how to use an oven! Where did you learn?

Scarlet: My grandmere taught me a while ago, when I was young. Our favorite thing to make was lemon cake, so I make on the anniversary of her birthday every year.

Iko: How sweet! Maybe even sweeter than sugar ;) *wink*

Cinder: *standing awkwardly off in corner* So....should I just leave?

Iko: *flapping hand in general direction to her right.* There's an exit somewhere around there. Now, I have a baking show to run!

Cinder: *to herself* Time to go get lost in a celebrity kitchen. Fun. *starts wandering off to try and find exit*

Iko: SO Scarlet, tell me more about this lemon cake. Is it sweet and tart, or tart and sweet?

Scarlet: *Looking confused* Ummm....

Kinney (off-screen): *cough* ten minutes of battery left *cough*

Iko: TEN MINUTES! Well, thank you Scarlet, good luck finding the exit.... *nudges a supremely confused looking Scarlet in vague direction* Next we have Captain Carswell Thorne!!

Thorne: *throws open doors, beaming blindingly* Finally, my time as a reality tv star has come! *pauses to consider screen* Wait a minute, we're filming with a portscreen?!

Kinney: Got a problem with that?

Iko: FOr the last time, cameramen don't speak! Now don't worry Thorne, this video will go viral soon enough.

THorne: Well, a camera's a camera. *smiles blindingly again*

Kinney: Eww... *turns camera not so subtly away from him*

Thorne: *noticing* Keep the camera on me!

Kinney: *reluctantly turns back at Iko's glare*

Iko: So, Carswell, it is said that your smile hides a shady past. What do you have to say on this?

Thorne: *sending a furtive look over shoulder at entrance, where a hint of a blond head suggests Cress peek out from door* All I have to say is that my ways are changing, and when I got together with Cress I even made a list... *starts digging around in coat pocket* it's in here somewhere.. I always keep it on me...

Iko: *starts fangirling* OMS that's so cute!!! However, we have a time limit *sour look at camera* so speaking of Cress good luck with the competition and finding the waiting room bye!

Thorne: Wait, what? You're kicking me out!

Iko: Cress! You're on!

Kinney the cameraman: Thorne if you're not gonna leave... *shifts camera so Thorne is out of frame*

Thorne: Fine! I get the picture! *makes a point of stomping away*

Cress: *pops onstage with a worried look in Thorne's direction, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, avoiding gaze with the camera.* Hello Iko.

Iko: *once again happy and bubbly* Cress! Welcome to the Holiday Baking Championship! Are you ready to bake?!

Cress: Um, yes?

Iko: I'm sure you can be a bit more confident than that!

Cress: *casting furtive look into the direction where Thorne disappeared, looking for help. Hesitates, and decides to remove the 'um'* Yes?!

Iko: That's better! Nothing like holiday spirit right?

Cress: *blushing nervously to be onstage* mhm.

Iko: Well, what's your favorite part of baking?

Cress: *pauses, and appears to being pulling herself together. Is actually envisioning herself as a famous chef (shh I didn't say that)* I love decorating the most. *newly confident*

Iko: Me too! I absolutely love cookie decorating, although a certain someone always steals the cookies when I'm done! *glares at camera aka Kinney*

Kinney: Hey! You don't even have taste buds, so how could you eat them anyway?!

Iko: That is so beside the point! What if I wanted to give them as gifts or something?! And just because I don't have taste buds... *trails off*

Kinney: Would you like to finish that sentence? Because I'm actually interested to hear what you might have to say.

Iko: *snaps* Cameramen aren't allowed to talk!

Kinney: Talk about being beside the point.

Iko: *fuming*

Cress: Uhhhhh..... Are you okay Iko?

Iko: I'm fine, just fine.

Kinney: *crisp* 4 minutes left.

Iko: AHHH! *looking murderous at Kinney's interruption*

Cress: *looking scared* Iko... *seeing Iko can't be helped* I'm going to leave *slips away*

Iko: *takes a calming breath*

Kinney: *wisely decides not to comment*

Iko: Wolf and Jacin, on stage! *looks very smug at having the smart idea to add two at a time*

Wolf + Jacin: *enter*

Iko: Hello and welcome to the Holiday Baking thing, merry Christmas, ect. Ect. ect. Ok we're on a time crunch so I'm going to start and end with a basic question. What ingredients do you like to use most in baking? Jacin, you're up.

Jacin: I don't bake.

Iko: Aw, come on, just list any ingredient you use for baking then that's nice.

Jacin: Fine, flour.

Iko: *confused* flour?

Jacin: Flour. It's used in pretty much every baking recipe, so that makes it a logical choice. As a bonus, it is bland and tasteless.

Iko: Well then. Wolf?

Wolf: *instantaneously* tomatoes.

Iko: *under breath* why am I not surprised *out loud* Tomatoes?! How do you bake with tomatoes?!

Wolf: Easily! Tomato muffins, tomato pancakes, tomato cupcakes...

Iko: *looking queasy* For once I'm glad I don't have taste buds... I mean that sounds delicious! Good luck in the competition! *under breath* You'll need it. *louder, and much more excited* Next up, former princess Winter Blackburn Hayle and the dreamy Emperor Kaito!

*Kai and Winter wander onstage, Kai looking bemused as Winter rambles to him. Iko swoons*

Iko: Best for last! Don't tell anyone I said that though *wink at screen* Welcome to the Holiday Baking Championship! My first question is for Winter. Wherever did you get that dress?!

Winter: Oh, this? Well, it's pretty isn't it? *giggles and twirls, making her flowy dress swirl* I don't know really, it just seemed to show up in my room this morning!

Iko: I don't know about you, but I have a listed inventory of all my dress', so nothing ever randomly shows up in my room ;) Now Kai... *turns to Kai, who grins cutely/winningly*

Kinney: *cough*one minute*cough*

Iko: *snaps out of adoring reverie* 1 minute! Well Kai, Iloveyou--I mean Good Luck and welcome to both of you!

Kai + Winter: Thank you. Good night! *look at each other in surprise before turning and leaving*

Iko: *talking unnaturally fast* Well that's it for today folks! Please share and repost, and Happy Holidays y'all! Keep a lookout for Episode Two, Christmas Caking! Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Hanuk-

*screen goes dark*

[jxckspxcer]

CHARACTER BIO

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Jack Spicer PRONUNCIATION: J ah k  Ss pie sir NICKNAME: Red, Jackie (no), Boss, Jackal, Jackrabbit, Jackpot Spicer, Prince of Darkness, Emperor of Evil, SULTAN OF SPITE. GENDER: Eeehhh goth HEIGHT: 6′0″ AGE: 19 ZODIAC: Aries SPOKEN LANGUAGES: English, Chinese (Cantonese/Mandarin), French, various.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

HAIR COLOUR: Pale blonde/Dyed Red EYE COLOUR: Pale Mauve/Red or Black Contacts SKIN TONE: Pale BODY TYPE: Lean n Mean, Slim Waist ; Broader Shoulders ACCENT: His English has a Californian accent, but he grew up on three languages. VOICE: Scratchy and a little higher than average, but he generally just talks with an excitable whimsy, when he’s not feeling it or angry, it gets a bit lower. DOMINANT HAND: Ambidextrous POSTURE: Usually very proud and straight-backed, but can be a sloucher when upset, capable of contorting his spine into some interesting positions when he’s feeling melodramatic (he ’d be a great mime, what can he say ?) MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE: What isn’t immediately eye catching about him ? The loud hair, the unnaturally red eyes, the extravagant make up ?

CHILDHOOD.

PLACE OF BIRTH: Hong Kong. HOMETOWN:  Shenzhen, China. BIRTH WEIGHT: Low BIRTH HEIGHT: Small FIRST WORDS: Jack didn’t start talking for a while, which worried his parents but like it’s mostly their fault for neglecting the baby, but pretty sure it was Microwave. (Or nainai, for his Grandma). SIBLINGS: One-Child man, I mean his parents could’ve circumvented it with money, but his dads a Lawful Neutral (ugh). PARENTS: Jian li & Laura Spicer. PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT: HA. HAHA. Very little.

TEEN LIFE.

PART TIME OCCUPATION: Weapons dealer……. CURRENT RESIDENCE: Somewhere in China, none your business. CLOSE FRIENDS: Ha. HaHa. (Kimiko). RELATIONSHIP STATUS: HA. FINANCIAL STATUS: Complicated. Upper Class with familial resources, lower-middle  when disowned.  DRIVER’S LICENSE: MNNNAA HA. Several, mostly fake. CRIMINAL RECORD: Not with Mommys’ money. But also probably a big one. VICES: Anything banana flavored.... and shiny things. 

SEX AND ROMANCE.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Oh God (Homosexual). ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: UHHHHH (Biromantic). PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE: submissive | dominant | switch (jack vc: the fuck does this MEAN) PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE: submissive | dominant | switch LIBIDO: low TURN ONS: Power, intellect/curiosity, MmoNsTers, humility, a nonstandard worldview, good listening skills... sharp teeth.  TURN OFFS: Unyielding superiority complexes, blind optimism / holier-than-thou or self-righteous do-goodery, people who want to change him. LOVE LANGUAGE(S): Giving Gifts & Acts of Service. (Enjoys receiving Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch [sssometimes]) RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES: Jack is very idealistic, but also incredibly open to working hard on a relationship if he must. But in that sense he can seem kind of obsessive and perfectionist, but in actuality he just constantly seeks excitement and fun in his relationship– or he can be prone getting bored and closing off because he feels bad about being bored. Which is why he’s usually the first one to suggest doing things together, giving lots of gifts, he can be incredibly affectionate physically– but only after he learns it’s okay, otherwise he might keep a bit of distance. It’s a real tug-of-war with Jack between craving intimacy and not wanting to do something wrong. There’s a lot of basic affection that was lacking in his life, he’s not super great at reaching out for it. Generally you can expect a kind of nervous, very happy to hold your hand Jack, who will sweep you off your feet at a moments notice because he feels romantic. But also a lot of quiet frustration, because he doesn’t want to bring up his issues, in fear of them… ruining something. It’s a very stubborn, energetic, probably exhausting effort. (Oh yeah also he’s very protective and has some tendencies to put trackers on people I’m sorry).

MISCELLANEOUS.

CHARACTER THEME SONG: Raise Hell HOBBIES TO PASS THE TIME: Cooking, Basketball, Mixing Music, Tinkering. MENTAL ILLNESS: Dyslexia, ADHD, PTSD (post-xs, related to paradox collapse). PHYSICAL ILLNESS: Albinism (OCA1B), Deuteranomaly (mild colorblindness), Nystagmus (eye shaking, his contacts help– they help with most of this tbh). LEFT OR RIGHT BRAIN: Both FEARS: Closed Spaces. Loss of Control. Pitch Darkness. Clowns. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL: Depends on the situation, but shockingly low for all his stubborn pride, it does get brittle when faced with the fact nobody likes him he’s not happy, for all the work he does to be happy. VULNERABILITIES: He’s never going to be the most physically strong, no matter how much work he puts into training (he don’t got super strength!)– if you’re bigger than him, you can usually take him. He’s also highly emotionally volatile & impulsive in his attention, you can probably distract him by making him flustered or disoriented.

Tagged by: @manaborn​ (bless) Tagging: mAN WHO HASN’T DONE THIS? i’VE DONE THIS, it just had new parts this time. Hmmm... anyone,, anyone really,,,