#and the similarities in between | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

azucar-skull · 2 months ago

Text

A Mile In His Shoes

(written for @tmnt-write-fight for @fire-lightz

Fandom: Rise of the TMNT

Prompt: (ROTTMNT) Leo and Donnie swap bodies on a botched mission. The spell reverses after 48 hours, but... how long can they pretend to be each other until it goes wrong? And what can they learn about each other?

Word Count: 5775

Posted on AO3 too!

----------------------------------------------------

“Hurry up, Nardo! We need to go!”, Donnie gripes.

“Ugh! Just- Gimme a sec!”, Leo rolls his eyes.

“You get 5 minutes before the tank leaves without you!”

Honestly, Donnie just can’t seem to understand why his figurative twin just takes so long to get ready. They don’t even wear clothes, to be honest. Just their ninja gear. So why is Leo looking himself over in the mirror all the time before they head out? It’s not going to make his baldness go away.

Leo had about 27 seconds left on the timer until he finally shows up in the turtle tank with the others. The team rolls out to the bank where a wizard yokai is caught stealing from the bank and about to make an escape. The wizard bolts out the front doors and starts heading for the streets before Raph swerves the tank right in front of the wizard, blocking his path. The team jumps out the tank, weapons at the ready.

“Stop right there, pointy hat! Give us the goods!”, Raph orders.

“Hocus pocus, you lose your focus!”, the wizard cackles before blowing a puff cloud of pink glitter at Raph.

Raph coughs as the cloud hits him before shaking his head in a daze. He looks around the scenery confused.

“Wait…what..? Where…am I?”, the snapper mutters.

“Raph, focus !”, Mikey gripes.

“Ah, right. Right…uhh…focus on what now?”

Mikey rolls his eyes and turns his attention to the enemy at large. He charges at the wizard, swinging his nunchucks in a mystic orange hue.

“Come and get some, dumb- ble- dork !”, the box turtle taunts.

“Tweedledum and Tweedledee! You are now the king of bees!”, the wizard cackles again before throwing yellow pocket glitter out of his robe at the turtle.

Mikey yelps as he’s hit in the eyes, rubbing them profusely. Before suddenly he hears a loud swarm of ominous buzzing from behind him. Mikey spins around to see a sea of bees pummeling towards him. Mikey screams in a panic as he runs around, flailing about and swatting away at the onslaught of bees attacking him.

Which leaves the disaster twins. Donnie knows Leo will try to jump in haphazardly which is why Donnie needs to think up of a plan fast before he does-

“I got it!”, Leo calls out.

“No, I got it!”, Donnie snarks.

The two run into each other, bumping shoulders as they try to fight for whose turn it is to go against the villain next. And yet, the wizard cackles at their bickering as the two try to stumble towards him. And Donnie knows it as a sign that the villain is about to strike another spell at them.

“You can never tell what the other is going through, until you walk a mile in his shoes!”

A glittery cloud of mauve and cyan mixed together erupts for the wizard’s sleeve. Donnie stops his squabbling with Leo to push his brother back in an attempt to save them. But he is a second too late. The cloud hits.

And Donnie blacks out.

Donnie’s head is left spinning for a bit when he wakes up. Whatever spell the wizard put on him must be a concussion spell if that makes any sort of sense. The softshell blearily blinks his eyes open and finds himself on the other side of the road that he ran to. Weird, how’d he end up over here? He pushed Leo this way, he was sure. He must’ve been thrown, sure feels like it from how stiff his back is.

Donnie pushes himself up, reaching for his katana- Wait, katana? No, that’s Leo’s. Where’s his bo staff? And better yet…why’s Donnie’s hand…

A brighter green?

Donnie yelps as he looks down at himself. Bright green, triangular body shape, yellow stripes on his arms and thighs. No, that can’t be right! What…

“Guh…”, Leo groans off to the side. “That was so not cowabunga.”

And when Donnie looks over at him, his fears are confirmed. Donnie watches as his own body wakes up, his voice replaced with Leo’s. Leo takes one look at Donnie, stunned and confused, before looking at himself and beginning to scream.

“Oh please, Nardo. Is my body really that hideous to you?”, Donnie gripes.

“No no no no no! My beautiful complexion! My style! And EUGH purple is not my color! Donnie, change us back right now!”, Leo exasperates, staggering to a stand and marching over to his figurative twin.

Donnie huffs in annoyance as he takes a stand as well. “Oh, I would gladly like us to switch back. As soon as we find that wizard.”

“I have him.”, a low voice drawls from ahead.

The two look up to see Draxum has entered the scene, holding one of his pocket dimension orbs in one hand and checking over Mikey’s bee stings as well. Raph is still in a bit of a daze but some clarity seems to be coming back to him.

“UGH great, of course Draxum’s here.”, Leo rolls his eyes (Donnie’s eyes?) back into his skull.

“Since when was Donnie the one so annoyed about seeing Draxum?”, Raph mumbles.

“Because Donnie is now Leo, dear Raphala.”, Donnie sighs.

“I- Wait…WHAT?”, Mikey snaps his head up at the two. “...Huh, you know, it’s actually hard to tell.”

“Hard to? Oh, come on you guys!”, Leo throws his hands up. He starts his protest march over to Draxum. “Draxum, you better change us back right now or I swear I’ll be the one to throw you off a roof!”

“...Okay, nevermind, I take it back.”

Draxum scoffs as he stands up straight, inspecting the two. “Trust me, I’ve had my eye out for this wizard for a while. One of my old colleagues whose ambition got the better of him. Knowing him, this body swap spell will wear off within 48 hours.”

“48 HOURS?!?!”, the twins exclaim in sync.

“Yes, yes, you’ll just simply have to make do for the rest of the weekend.”, Draxum wavers a hand, completely unfazed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to get this wizard back into custody before the human police show up. And I suggest that you four do the same. Don’t leave me to clean up your mess again.”

“OH you got SOME NERVE , Draxum!”, Leo shouts. But Draxum is simply starting to walk away as Leo continues to shout at him. “Why can’t you help us? Surely, there’s some kind of mystic mumbo jumbo you got in that lab of yours that can get rid of this! Hey! Get back here, you old deadbeat! UGH!!”

“Relax, Donnie-”, Raph sighs.

“Leo.”

“Oh, right, Leo. Heh, that’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Eugh, great, it’s like we’re identical twins now that always get confused for the other.”, Donnie gripes.

Mikey beams up to a stand, still scratching his bee stings and the ointment that Draxum gave him. “Well hey, it’s not so bad. Maybe you two will learn something about each other.”

“Not now, Miguel.”, Leo mutters.

“No, this can be a good thing! You two are always fighting with each other and I’m growing sick of it. Now, you two can finally-”

“MIKEY I SAID NOT NOW!”, Leo snaps. “Don’t you guys hear that incessant noise in the background?”

The brothers pause. Donnie glances around as he hears some sort of wailing in the distance. Sirens.

“You mean police sirens, Nardo? That’s kind of a New York constant.”, Donnie snarks.

“Yeah, but it’s annoyingly clear. I think the police are on their way. We gotta get out of here, guys.”, the slider (softshell?) exasperates.

“Yeah, good call, let’s hurry.”, Raph nods.

And so the team makes their way back to the lair with the twins now stuck in each other’s bodies. Donnie doesn’t feel that much disoriented for the most part, which is honestly what’s bothering him about how similar the two are. But aside from that, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Just chalk it up to the casual daily inconvenience that is the turtles’ lives.

This isn’t so bad.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

By the time the brothers return home, Donnie still hasn’t felt much difference. Meanwhile Leo keeps bickering and complaining about every little thing. The sewers are too cold, the sounds of cars and sirens overhead are too loud, and just about anything seems to tick him off. Donnie understands these notions well enough, and that has him thinking… Is Leo actually dealing with the physical attributes that Donnie has spent his whole life tolerating? What is the silver lining between the mental and physical depictions of the body? Isn’t mentality also intertwined with physicality? What parts of Leo are actually inside Donnie’s body right now? What parts of Donnie are inside of Leo’s? Perhaps this weekend will allow Donnie to learn something new after all. A fascinating experiment that many scientists have devoted their lives work for…

“Donnie, at the very least, for the sake of my sanity, could you please keep up my skin care routine on my behalf?”, Leo implores by the time they step inside their home.

“Eulgh, why should I? You have like a bazillion products meant for human skin, how does any of that even work? Aren’t most beauty products just scams anyways?”, Donnie detests.

“Well if I’m stuck inside of your body, I can’t do it myself. So please ?”

Donnie rolls his (Leo’s??? Honestly, who's to say?) eyes so far back in his skull it starts to hurt. He lets out a long agitated groan before reluctantly making his way to the bathroom.

“Alright, alright! Anything to stop your useless whining.”, he begrudgingly agrees.

Leo sighs in relief. “Thank you, Donnie. Seriously, I promise to take care of your body too. Starting with getting out of these itchy glitter coated clothes! Ugh! I can’t stand this!”

Donnie rolls his eyes again for good measure as he makes his way to the bathroom. Honestly, the glitter doesn’t even feel that itchy on him at the moment. He doesn’t understand what Leo is getting so worked up about.

But at the same time…he does .

Once inside the bathroom, Donnie finds that these next 48 hours are also going to be a bit…invasive. Honestly, Donnie can go days without a shower (or weeks if he’s really pushing it on a new lab experiment and is stubborn enough to shoo away his brothers). But he made a promise to Leo to respect his bodily autonomy to some extent. And Leo is to do the same in reassurance. And so he peels off all of Leo’s gear and carefully sets them aside. And that’s when he gets a good glance at himself in the mirror.

It is obviously jarring to look at himself inside of Leo’s body. The body shape, the markings, the shell. It all feels so unnatural to him.

But Donnie can’t help this overwhelming sense of wrongness etching into every core of his being.

The more he stares at his swapped reflection, the more wrong he feels. Every little feature he’s seeing is just wrong wrong wrong -

A high-pitched whine echoes from outside in the lair. In an instant, Donnie is snapped out of his trance and quickly throws on a bathrobe (a blue one as the purple one is too small to fit around his shell) and hurries outside. The whine echoes again and Donnie is quick to follow it, accompanied by Raph and Mikey. It’s coming from Leo’s room. Donnie makes it down the stairs first as peers into Leo’s subway car to find the slider-softshell crouched down on the floor.

“Donn- Leo? What’s wrong?”, Raph calls out.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re here.”, Mikey offers a patient smile.

“SHUT UP! JUST- SHUT. UP.”, Leo snaps, clutching at Donnie’s goggles around his head.

Immediately, Donnie knows what is up. He quickly ushers the snapper and box turtle out of the room.

“Here, I got this. Let me handle it.”, the softshell-slider insists.

“Wha- Don! Come on, we can help.”, Raph protests.

Donnie shoves the two out of the room. “ Trust me, I got it!”

He shuts the sliding doors in their face, shrouding the room in darkness. He walks over to his figurative twin and crouches down on the floor.

“...Too much?”, he asks in a soft voice.

Leo winces. “There’s this squeaking noise coming from somewhere and I can’t find it! It’s driving me insane.”

Donnie nods, looking around the room. “Mhm, is that all?”

“Is that all ? Don, we swapped bodies! I’m covered in glitter! Your body smells like it has been rotting in the lab for days! And fuck ! What is happening?”

“It’s a sensory overload, Nardo. I’m certain I’ve explained this to you before.”

“Well yeah but I didn’t think it was this horrible! How can you even stand all of this? Just a couple hours and I’m ready to tear my skin out!”

“Okay first of all, please don’t. That is my skin you’re talking about.”, Donnie gripes. “Secondly, you’re in luck. I just so happen to have a few “fix-its” in place for situations like this. How about we start with getting you out of my clothes and into something more comfortable?”

Donnie stands up and looks around Leo’s room. Ugh, this place was left a mess for…who knows how long. It’s honestly a surprise there’s been no bugs in here. …Yet. Donnie heads for the doors, urging Leo to follow.

“Here, it’s probably best if you take my clothes for now. Your stuff may be too big.”, he explains.

Leo glances up at him for a moment (and man is it weird to see his own face look at him like that) before sighing and getting up to follow his brother. They step out of the subway car, going back up the stairs and down the hall to Donnie’s subway car room. Once inside, Donnie shuts the doors again and searches around his wardrobe closet for something Leo could wear. He grabs one of his patented sensory friendly hoodies and sweatpants. He tosses them in Leo’s direction.

“Here, these’ll make you stop feeling virtually anything on your skin. I also suggest taking off the battle shell and goggles too. If noise is still a problem, I got these ear defenders somewhere under my bed-” Donnie pauses as he turns to face Leo who is just staring at the wall. “...Leo?”

Leo doesn’t speak for a moment. And then, “.......It’s quieter in here.”

Donnie ponders those words for a moment. Because yeah, duh of course it is. Donnie made sure of that. “Yeah, I soundproofed my room. And the lab as well.”

“Is this why you soundproofed the garage and turtle tank back in our old home?”

“Of course. Whether it’s because I’m working in the garage or Raph’s got some kind of training going on in there, it helped keep the peace.”

“Hm.”

Leo turns to the clothes tossed in his direction, picking them up and rubbing the fabric in between his fingers.

“...Thanks.”, he hums.

“Yeah, of course.”, Donnie nods. “Do you…want to take a shower first or are you really okay with me going first?”

“You can go first. I think I still need some time to sorta…adjust to this whole situation.”, Leo gives his signature half-smile (which is uncanny to see on Donnie’s face) as he gestures towards the both of them.

Donnie nods again, giving a dry smile. “Sure thing. I’ll try not to take too long.”

And so with that, Donnie heads back out and returns to the bathroom. He takes off the robe, setting it back on its coat hook with the others. The softshell-slider strides on over to the shower and turns on the faucet, letting the water run to get warm. While he waits, his eyes are drawn to the mirror again. He can’t help it. It does look really weird to see himself in Leo’s body.

But there’s just something so unsettlingly wrong with it. Donnie can’t quite place his finger on it. He pokes the cheek, grazes a hand across the very bald head, frowns at the lack of magnificent brows. Then he twists around to see the shell. Still cracked from the damage from the Kraang but healing just fine. Nice and sturdy as it should be which gives Donnie some relief. Then he turns to the side, grazing his hands down his chest. And his brain short-circuits for a minute at the thought of not running his digits over any ridges.

Because this plastron is flat .

And that’s what was wrong.

Of course it is. The brothers discovered at an early age that Leo is a biologically female turtle. Splinter just sort of guessed they’re all boys and ran with it. Leo loved being called a boy so when the discovery was made, there weren't any drastic changes that needed to be set. But Donnie can see it now, with Leo’s body, staring into the mirror. How every factor of his being just felt so wrong .

His plastron is too flat, not bulky and rigid like his brothers’. His shoulders are too soft. His jawline is too gentle. His neck doesn’t have that larynx lump from dropping several pitches from puberty. The fat on his thighs and chest are too round and prominent. His gait is too narrow. And literally every single factor about him just screams wrong .

And of course Donnie would feel this way. He is a boy, growing up in a boy’s body. And now to be in one that’s so…feminine feels unnatural. It makes Donnie just want to hide away from the world but at the same time, he can’t stop staring at the mirror.

…And that’s why Leo took so long to get ready for their mission. Wasn’t it?

Oh crap, the shower. Donnie sees steam beginning to form and quickly hurries over to cool the water down a tad. The softshell-slider takes a sigh and steps in to wash up. He’s okay, he’s just going to have to deal with Leo’s body for the rest of the weekend. No big deal. Of course he feels something wrong, this body is not his. It’ll work itself out.

It has to.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After the shower and not wanting to think or feel anything else, Donnie dips by Leo’s room and tosses on one of his hoodies. Surprisingly, the hoodie is a lot more baggy and bigger than Donnie expected it to be. It could probably even fit Raph. But considering that whole crisis Donnie just had in the bathroom, perhaps it isn’t even considered that surprising.

Welp, enough fucking around. Science waits for no man…or turtle. Donnie strides on over to his lab, hearing the shower turn on again as Leo must’ve been waiting with anticipation to wash off all the glitter gunk. Donnie puts on one of his spare goggles and begins to tinker with another project of his to keep himself busy. A toaster that can shoot out toast at an angle so that it lands on a plate. (Unfortunately, there’s been many failures involving someone getting hit in the head with a toaster snipe).

After a couple hours, he hears footsteps padding into the room. He glances at the reflection of the toaster to see it is Leo who has shuffled inside the lab. (And he is ignoring how his heart skipped a beat when he saw his own body in the reflection at the confusion). Leo seems to be doing better, now clean of glitter and in the comfort clothes that Donnie lent him.

“Feeling better?”, Donnie hums.

“I…yeah.”, Leo nods. “Some food helped too. And speaking of, as much as I hate to admit it, you might actually be onto something about that mac n’ cheese with dino nuggets combo.”

Donnie looks up from his work, turning around. “You…ate my food?”

“It’s the only thing I felt I could stomach. I didn’t realize how good it was to have something simple.”

“Could you really blame me and my love of Kraft’s? (Even if they did change the recipe…)”

“I mean, we have a whole kitchen full of food.”

“And yet you choose my food.”, Donnie smirks and raises a brow.

Leo pauses, a glimmer of acknowledgment in his eyes as he connects the dots. “...And yet I choose… your food. Huh.”

Donnie’s smirk only widens as he turns back to his work. Leo grabs one of the chairs and scoots it over beside his twin, sitting in it backwards and resting his folded arms on the chair’s back. At least that is still something Leo about him.

“I’ll buy you more. I swear.”, Leo blurts out after a moment.

“Don’t worry about it. I always keep some spare snacks in here and in my room.”

“So I’ve noticed. I've been wondering about that.”, Leo nodded his head at the closed plastic box tub in the corner where Donnie stashes the occasional backup food. “Though, I think Casey Jr has beat you to the punch. You should see his room at April’s, the kid keeps stuff stored under his bed out of habit. Though it’s not really potato chips but more…soup cans and jerky.”

“Honestly, I’m not surprised.”, Donnie rolls his eyes.

The two share a chuckle. It’s nice, Donnie notes, to have these moments together with his twin. Yes, they bicker. They are opposites in a way. But that is what makes them an excellent pair, a compelling match. Leo scoots his chair closer, wincing at the groan it makes. He peers over to look at Donnie’s work.

“You better not work my brain to death, my forehead isn’t as big as yours to hold all that nerd stuff.”, Leo snarks. Donnie pays him no mind. “What are you working on anyway? Better be a shortcut to get us out of this mess.”

Donnie actually barks a laugh at that. “HA! Trust me, if I knew of a way out of this, I would’ve done it already. Anything to get out of this unbearable body of yours.” Well the moment was nice while it lasted. Let the bickering commence again.

“ My body is unbearable?”, Leo snaps. “Oh please, yours is nothing but a walking torture machine!”

“Oh stop being so sensitive !”, Donnie rolls his eyes.

“Now that’s saying something, coming from you-”

“I’ve been dealing with sensory issues my entire life. I learn to deal with it . Meanwhile, you only need to worry about the size of your plastron and whatnot.”

“What are you talking about? Why do you say that like my problems mean nothing compared to yours-”

“BECAUSE AT LEAST YOUR BODY CAN BE FIXED!”, Donnie shouts, slamming his fist against the workbench. “MEANWHILE I AM STUCK LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!”

Leo pauses, stunned. Donnie can see it in the reflection of the metal just as much as Leo can. A shared hatred at the same body. How remorseful. Leo leans back in the chair, holding himself up with his grip on the back of it. He shakes his head, looking away.

“That’s not true.”, he says lowly. And Donnie’s expression softens. “You only hate it because that’s my body you’re thinking about, not yours. Even when we’ve swapped minds, you still don’t understand. Because you can’t see into my mind.”

“I mean, we could mind meld-”

“But you can’t see it.”, Leo presses, anger dripping from his words. “I mean…what does it mean to be a man? As much as I like to stare in the mirror and point out every imperfection, would it even matter to get them all resolved? There are some elements of being a man that I don’t like. And there are some elements of being a woman that I want to keep.” Leo presses his lips for a moment, shifting around awkwardly. “For example…I’d like to keep my- ahem - pants.”

“I beg your fucking pardon?”, Donnie stirs, spinning the chair around to face his brother.

“I mean, come on! How do you even walk around with this…thing?!”, Leo gripes.

“Oh for the love of pizza supreme, can we please not talk about that?”, the softshell-slider groans, rolling his eyes far back into his head. “And for what it’s worth, you’ve been wholly you this entire time and none of us have thought of you any less of a man.”

Leo scoffs. “Yeah, tell that to the yokai customers I gotta deal with at Hueso’s. I swear if I get called a waitress instead of a waiter one more time, I’m going to lose my head.”

“Well you already did, seeing that your mind is in my body right now.”, Donnie mutters.

“Ah, I see.”, Leo hums, unamused. “Speaking of, how’s your mind doing inside of my body?”

“Aside from the obvious? I guess I haven’t really thought about how numb my senses are now.”, Donnie shrugs. “No loud noises or icky sensations. Just pure focus on my work.”

Leo groans. “Bleugh, you’re gonna work my body to death by the end of the weekend, aren’t you?”

“You’ll live.”, Donnie sighs. “Honestly, the idea of being in your body further confirms I am content with my identity. I don’t want any of this and it sucks that I’m stuck like this. Honestly, if this was permanent I might-”

“Kill yourself?”, Leo raises a brow. Donnie stammers for a moment, the thought of it barely had time to pass by his mind before Leo beated him to the punch. Yet the slider-softshell just laughs. “Don’t worry about it, it comes with the package.”

A cold chill ran through Donnie. He turns to his twin with wide and concerned eyes. “...That’s horrible.”

Leo simply shrugs, unfazed. “Yeah but it’s like you said. You learn to tolerate it.”

Donnie quickly shakes his head. “No, no . You shouldn’t have to tolerate your body-”

“And you shouldn’t have to tolerate yours either.”, Leo insists. “This… sucks . Your body sucks and so does mine. It sucks .” The slider-softshell sighs as he leans back more in the chair. “And I’m honestly tired of having to deal with it.”

Donnie pauses for a long moment, biting his/Leo’s inner lip while drumming his fingers against the table. He hates how this feels, knowing full well that this dysphoria is what Leo has been experiencing all his life. And it hurts him to know that there is something that can be done about it. There has to be, at least. Mutant turtle genes be damned.

“I’ll look into gender affirming care for you. Maybe there’s some place in the Hidden City for it.”, Donnie speaks up against the quiet. “Maybe they have mystic illogical magic potions or some bullshit, I don’t know.”

Leo’s eyes light up a bit. “You’d…really do that?”

Donnie scoffs a laugh and nods. “Well… yeah . You’re right, this does suck. And it sucks even more that you have to deal with this for so long. So yes, I’ll be looking into it. And it doesn’t have to be the full package transition if that’s what you’re worried about. Doesn’t have to be right away either. Regardless I can assure you, Nardo, you are very manly.”

Leo chuckles. “Oh please, there’s nothing manly about me.”

“You’re so manly it’s annoying.”, Donnie smirks.

“Shut up!”, his twin laughs some more.

“You’re so manly your room reeks of axe body spray. Seriously, it’s like a bomb went off in there.”

“I don’t even use it that much.”

“You’re so manly that you like other men.”

Leo cackles, wheezing in between for air. Donnie can’t help but join him in his laughter. Together, their laughs echoed out of the lab and throughout the lair and the underground tunnels. Leo wipes a tear that pearled in his eye.

“Okay, fine. You win.”, he chuckles. “...You don’t have to do that for me.”

“Too bad, I’m going to. Suck it up.”, Donnie spat lightheartedly.

Leo groans, rolling his eyes back as he slouches back in the backwards chair. “Okay well if you’re going to do that, then…then I’m going to the store and get you whatever foods you want. Seriously, it’s only a matter of time until the bugs find your stash.”

“Well I have thought about giving a list but whenever I do, something always changes and there’s just food sitting in the kitchen that I just don’t want anymore.”, Donnie ponders, crossing his arms.

“Pssh, no big deal. I’ll eat whatever you don’t want then.”, Leo wavers a hand. “And speaking of…I promise to be more mindful about your sensory issues. Existing like this is torture enough. I don’t want you to have to deal with this on your own.”

“Again, I’m used to it.”

“ Are you? Or is it that masking thing you always do?”, Leo presses.

Donnie huffs a sigh. “Okay, yeah, maybe a little.”

Leo smiles, leaning forward and holding out his hand for a handshake. “Then it’s a deal. You’ll help me. I’ll help you. That’s what twins are for, right?”

Donnie smiles back, warmly. He nods, taking Leo’s hand. “Right.”

The handshake only lasts a second until Leo slinks his (Donnie’s) hand away and grimaces. “Eugh, your hand is sweaty.”

“That’s my line.”, Donnie hums.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The weekend goes as follows; Leo discovering the amazing world of torture that is sensory issues and Donnie discovering the amazing world of torture that is gender dysphoria. But they also learn new things about each other constantly. Donnie would always make fun of Leo for his slouching but now…he gets it. Leo would always be confused as to how Donnie could stand having a weighted battle shell on him but now…he gets it.

If anything, this spell has brought the two closer together. Whenever there’s a problem with one of them, they would go to the other for support. Simply because they finally understand each other better now. If the twins weren’t inseparable before, they definitely are now.

The timer of the spell then reaches its limit Sunday evening, all the brothers watching the clock with anticipation. It’s like they are all waiting for the New Year countdown.

10!

Poof!

A glitter cloud of mauve and cyan surround the two of them in an instant. Donnie coughs and wheezes at the cloud, batting away the smoke and blinking his eyes repeatedly. As the smoke clears, Donnie looks down at his hands. And they are indeed his hands.

Leo laughs in relief, wrapping his arms around himself and spinning around. “Oh thank pizza supreme! Leon is back!”

Donnie smiles, grazing his hands against his plastron ridges and down to his hips. “Finally, it’s good to be back.” Yet he winces at a soreness on his softshell. “Augh, gees, Leo. How long have you kept this battle shell on for?”

Leo grumbles too, crossing his arms. “Yeah well my body is starving because someone forgot to take lab breaks.”

Raph chuckles at the two. “Good to have you boys back in your own selves.”

“Yeah!”, Mikey beams. “And I don’t mean to say I told you so, but I totally told you so! You two have gotten a lot closer this weekend.”

The box turtle bounds over to the slider wrapping him in a hug. Leo starts rolling his eyes and bickering with the youngest on how much he doesn’t want to admit Mikey is right. Meanwhile Raph is wrangling the both of them in their friendly squabble. But then, as Donnie adjusts to his senses…

Everything hits him like a truck at once.

The lights are too bright again, the sounds of his brothers roughhousing are too loud, his softshell is incredibly sore from 48 hours of wearing a battle shell. Oh yeah, he did not miss this. As his other brothers round up in a hug, Raph pulls Donnie in with them. And as endearing as it is…it’s just too much. Donnie forces through with a masked smile but can’t help the way his body stiffens. But immediately, Leo takes notice. For he understands that feeling all too well now.

Leo pushes out of the hug. “Okay, break it up, you guys. I am dying to have some food and just sit on the couch for the rest of the night.”

“Oh come on! We should celebrate!”, Mikey insists.

“Oh I am celebrating. I’m celebrating with some dino nuggets and mac n’ cheese.”, Leo smirks, glancing over at Donnie. “Don, you in?”

Donnie clenches and unclenches his fists for a moment before nodding. Leo nods back.

“Cool, I’ll meet you in the TV room. Go pick out something to watch.”

Donnie nods again before quickly stepping out as soon as possible to get away from the loudness and chaos unfolding. The TV room is much quieter and it only takes a moment for Donnie to notice his weighted blanket on the couch from where Leo was using it last. The softshell takes off his battle shell and settles inside of Leo’s blanket nest, wrapping himself up in its security. He picks up the TV remote and skims through the options available. Eventually, he settles on a ghibli movie. Letting it play as he sinks into the couch.

Leo comes into the TV room a few minutes later with two plates of the infamous dino nuggets and mac n’ cheese combo. He hands a plate to Donnie before sitting beside him but making sure he’s not sitting too close.

“I didn’t think you’d still like these after we swapped back.”, Donnie mumbles.

Leo shrugs. “I’ve grown to like it. You’ve got good taste.”

Donnie huffs a laugh. Together, the two just watch the movie and eat their comfort meal. By the time Donnie sets his plate down on the coffee table, he sees how Leo slouches forward on the couch, subconsciously wrapping his arms around himself. Donnie frowns, for he understands that feeling all too well now as well.

The softshell opens the weighted blanket like he is opening a door, inviting Leo to enter with him. The slider only had the chance to glance at him for a moment before Donnie drags him by the arm to scoot his twin closer. Donnie wraps the blanket around the both of them, enveloping Leo in that same sense of security. Leo can’t help but smile at the gesture, snuggling closer. The two don’t even need mind meld anymore to understand each other.

That’s what twins are for.

----------------------------------------------------

Speedran to finish this 20 minutes before my therapy appointment-- (now it's 8 minutes)

#tmnt write fight #rottmnt #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #writing #fanfic #gender dysphoria #sensory issues #and the similarities in between

34 notes · View notes

hungharrington · 5 months ago

Text

i feel it coming, babe

technically the sequel to a little less conversation this is yet another piece for girlies (gn) with bad sex experiences <3 remember sometimes it takes more than once to get it right honeys :D 12k words, fem!reader, MDNI THIS ENTIRE BLOG IS 18+

Okay so, you’ll admit, you might be beginning to get it.

A smidge. A pinch.

It’s just— well, how are you not supposed to understand it? How can you not get the thrill and fervour over sex when it’s with Steve and he looks like that. All golden tan skin and hazel eyes that look at you like he might eat you whole and— and he treats you like…

Like there was never anything wrong with you.

Even after that balmy afternoon spent in his sheets, with his mouth between your thighs, pulling noises out of you that you’d never even heard before, he’s been so perfectly so. Not pushy, yet still that lingering hunger you can see simmering beneath his skin, hidden in the flex of his fingers.

Part of you almost worries, a little niggle burrowed in the back of your mind, that it was all a fluke.

That nothing had really changed all that much between you— that the next time things start getting heated, the chemistry won’t be there. Or it’ll be weird and off, or you will be, and really, you were probably lucky to have that first time with Steve so good but you can’t expect that again.

But then… there is one difference at least, to combat all your swarming thoughts a fluke. The kisses.

When you think of Steve Harrington and his playboy past, you can’t say, of the words tossed around in the high school corridor, that clingy is something that comes to mind. Not that he had been described as anything other than charming… but you don’t mind pleasant surprise of coming to learn this about Steve.

It means kisses all the time.

On your hands, scattered across your knuckles, when he’s dropping you home from a date. Kisses pressed to your hair and forehead, when he’s scooching past you, when he’s saying hello and his hands are busy, when you sit between his legs on the sofa.

He kisses your shoulders, up along the curve of your neck just to see if it’ll still make you laugh a bit when he finds that ticklish spot beneath your ear. Adores sweeping back your hair to plant a kiss against your skin with the sweetest little ‘mwah!’ so quiet you don’t think you’re meant to hear it.

And your lips… you don’t think they’ve ever been so kiss-bitten in your life.

One night with Steve can leave them blooming with colour, all the blood beneath them rushing with pleasure as he kisses your mouth soft — sometimes hard, sometimes sweet, always maddeningly.

He greets you with a kiss always, one hand curled gently around your chin to tilt it up perfectly. And always after, a grin spreads across his face, brown eyes crinkling and pink lips barely restrained his joy.

“Hi, sweetheart.” He’ll always says, or some variation.

Which, yeah, that’s new too. Sweetheart. You haven’t quite figured out how to not melt to a gloopy gooey mess when he says it just yet. It’s a damn good thing that your boyfriend is a gentleman and he politely doesn’t comment when you fluster, only gets the smallest hint of a smirk.

For all your past worries about not kissing him for fear of leading him on, you hadn’t realise quite how much you were depriving yourself of affection. Steve’s certainly turning you greedy— and he’s all too happy to sate your appetite for it.

Today, it’s drizzly. The colour of the sky is a bright ashen grey, enough to warrant a headache and inspire a day inside. In the distance, you can see the thunder clouds rolling in and bringing a blanket of shadow with them.

They reach overhead much quicker than you’re expecting and you’re barely a block out from Steve's house before the rain starts coming down.

Try as you might, raincoat tucked tight around you, you’re still a bit drenched by the time you make it to Steve’s doorstep. One freezing finger presses the door bell. A chime sounds inside.

You rub your hands together to try warm them as you wait, cringing at the whisk of wind that twirls your hair up and about. Your hands shoot up and you nervously flatten the wild strands back down— right as Steve opens the door.

He’s got a towel around his neck, one hand scrubbing it into his wet hair. Judging from his ruffled t-shirt — put on in a rush and exposing his tummy — he’s just got out the shower. He looks surprised but happy to see you.

“Sweetheart, hi-hoooooly shit,” He sticks his head out the door, eyes wide as he takes in the weather. His hair flicks as he turns back to you. “Did you walk the whole way from your house? In the rain?”

Your shoulders form a meek shrug. Before you can speak, his hands are on your shoulders, tugging you inside, across the doorway. He kicks it shut behind you.

“Christ, honey, what’d you do that for?” His hands fret a little bit, rubbing at your shoulders. He gently picks a piece of hair that’s stuck to your cheek, placing it behind your ear.

“I mean,” You start, a little confused. Your hands tighten on your overnight bag, wringing the handle tightly. He knew you were coming over, right? “I thought we— on the phone, we made a plan?”

Steve breathes a soft laugh. “Yeah, we’ve got plans. But I would’ve come got you instead of making you walk through the rain. C’mon, what kind of boyfriend do you think I am?”

His use of the word boyfriend still makes you glow. You smile, nope, you grin all cheesy — and it doesn’t help at all when Steve’s hands trail down your jacket to hold your own. He wiggles the handles of your bag out from your frozen fingers and drops it behind him gently. His hands dart back to cover yours.

“Dear god, I think you’re about two minutes from losing a finger.” His eyebrows have scrunched together in worry. He brings your hands up to his face, cupped in his own, and blows hot air on them. It tickles but you can’t stop smiling.

He pulls them back, rubbing his thumbs over your icy fingers and peers down at them. Your heart coos at his concern.

“What’s the verdict doctor?” You jest, making your voice all breathy and dramatic. “Am I gonna make it?”

Steve frowns harder at your hands, his face serious when he tilts it back up to face you. “I’m afraid we’re gonna have to amputate.”

You gasp dramatically.

Steve grins. He runs over your hands once more, one of his fingers creeping up your wrist, trying to find a ticklish spot. You squeal a little, trying to pull back but he holds your hands firm in his own. He continues his serious voice.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry but it’s your whole arm. We’re gonna have to chop it right off.”

His fingers are half way up your sleeve, making it bunch up and you’re laughing so much it’s warming you up much faster than him blowing on your hands. You push his hand away playfully and Steve relents, putting his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay, you got me.” He grins. “I’m not a real doctor.”

You laugh again, reaching up to tuck back your hair that’s fallen forward in your squirming. “Uh huh, a real doofus is what you are.”

Steve rolls his eyes endearingly, his hands reaching out to snag your waist this time. He tugs you closer. Your feet stumble and when you press against his chest, you’re delighted to find he’s very, very warm. You're definitely soaking his shirt a bit with your coat but if Steve cares, he doesn't say.

“Just realised I didn’t properly say hello,” He murmurs, a little quieter than before.

And when one of his hands moves up and curls beneath your jaw, holding your chin gently, you know what’s coming. If you weren’t already holding your breath in anticipation, he probably would’ve stolen it with his kiss.

His plush lips are soft and with a loving little hum, he kisses you.

All the lights around you look a little dewey and heart-shaped when Steve pulls back — though it may be just your own lovey-dovey eyes. You sigh without meaning to, all honeyed and sweet, and Steve softens immeasurably at the sound.

“Okay,” He shifts his hands back down to your hands, rubbing them lightly. “I’m not kidding, even your lips feel frozen. D’ya wanna take a quick shower just to warm up?”

Something about you flushes at his suggestion— a runaway thought about getting in his shower, it getting steamier and steamier, especially with Steve slipping in to join you halfway. You clear your throat to push away the thought and focus.

Your hair is wetter than you’d expected, sticking to your neck in cold tendrils. A shiver zips down your spine. All your scandalous thoughts aside, it sounds like a pretty good idea.

“Yeah,” you nod gingerly. “Yeah, okay, it wouldn’t mind the warm up.”

Steve steps back, bending down to scoop up your bag deftly. He holds it for you as you unbutton your coat as quick as you can with your frozen fingers, shivering in relief as you shed the drenched layer. Droplets of rain spray in the rustle. Your coat finds a home on a peg beside the door.

It’s comforting how easy it is to follow Steve up the stairs, drinking in his cosy attire from behind— gone are his usual tight fitting jeans. Instead, he’s donned what you guess is his pyjamas; a plain ringer tee and red, plaid, and long flannelette pants. His feet are warmed by fluffy socks that have reindeer prancing about the fabric. A flash of his tan ankle makes you stumble for a moment.

Steve trades your overnight bag, with a smile and a promise to keep it safe, for a pillowy white towel, soft as ever. He leads you into the bathroom off his bedroom, depositing your bag on his bed along the way.

His fingers find the switch for the heated towel rail and while you fold the towel over it neatly, heart humming in content at being taken care of, Steve starts the shower. He sticks one hand in, holding it under the spray and grimacing at the cold— until the chill slips away beneath the steamy hot water.

“Alright,” Steve says, pulling his hand back. He gives it a little shake, droplets splattering on the tiles. “All ready for my best girl.“

He gives a cheesy and charismatic smile as he wipes his hand dry and if you were brave enough, you might give him a little thank you kiss for it. You aren’t just yet — but when he moves to slip by you, you halt him with a soft hand on his torso.

“Thank you.” you say, quieter than you intend. You push on the balls of your feet and plant a quick peck onto his cheek.

Pink blooms beneath where your lips touch. Steve looks like he melts a bit, lashes fluttering as he sucks in a sharp inhale. Turns out neither of you are getting any closer to getting used to the affection. It’s sweet to know it goes both ways.

“I’m gonna—“ Steve breathes, his hand drifting up, his index finger pointed out to the door. “I’ll be nearby if you need anything. Or if you fall. Just like, uh, yell- or scream. Or— you know what, you’ve taken a shower before.”

He stumbles out towards the exit, pulling two awkward thumbs-up over his shoulders. The door swings shut behind him, closing with a quiet click.

Your clothes pool to the ground, a trail leading towards the shower as you move with haste. Though you’re sure the Harrington's won’t notice, you don’t want to waste the hot water.

The heat soothes you— swathes of relief washing down your body, picking up every piece of ice in your skin and sending it swirling down the drain. It doesn’t take too long to get back to warm and toasty.

Still, when your eye catches on it, you can’t resist. Steve has a body wash that smells heavenly. You pick it up, flick back the cap, and take a whiff — just to check it’s the one that’s been infiltrating your very dreams. Steve, even on a daily basis, manages to smell so good it drives you close to delirium.

You’re more than happy to steal it for yourself today. You take another sniff of the bottle in your grasp, just to inhale it with a sigh. The sweater he let you borrow the other week has the exact same smell; a musky perfumed scent, with a hint of bergamot.

You dollop some in your hand and lather it all over. Properly cleansed and throughly warmed up, you let the final suds whirlpool down the drain before shutting the tap off and stepping out. The fluffy porcelain coloured towel is toasty in your hands as you pluck it off the rail. A sigh in appreciation comes out as you dry off, twisting it around yourself.

It’s as you stand there, refreshed and smelling of Steve, in just a towel, do you realise you’ve forgotten to bring in clothes to change into.

On his bed, Steve sits idle — because what else is Steve supposed to do when you’re in his shower? When you’re naked in his shower. Naked in his shower and probably using his soap and lathering it up down your body and on your boobs and— oh my god, soapy boobs and—

Steve’s pulls himself from his thoughts with a rapid shake of his head, just in time for the bathroom door to rattle open and your shining face to peek through.

You look a little flushed, maybe from the heat, or from the lack of clothing. Steve can see your bare shoulder, his eyes tracking a drop as it rolls down your collarbone. None of this helps his runaway thoughts.

He stands up without thought. Then he realises how strange he might look, like a dog standing to attention.

“Feeling boober?” Steve says, like an idiot. Heat floods his face as he realises his flub. “BETTER! Are you feeling better?”

He’s thankful that you at least laugh, a pretty sound that you tuck behind your hand. You have the nerve to wiggle your eyebrows at him, a far cry from the confidence he’s come to expect from you in the past. Steve can’t deny— he adores it.

“What are you thinking about?”

“God,” Steve groans. He shoves his face into his hands and turns around, his back to you. His words are muffled over his shoulder. “Don’t even ask me that right now.”

Another laugh titters out of you. Steve can’t resist peering over his shoulder. The steam curls out through the gap of the door, leaving dew on your skin. You look ethereal, like a dewy angel from a dream.

“Alright,” you relent playfully. You’re fighting a smile and losing, badly. Steve yearns. “Can you please pass me my bag?”

This next time the door opens again and you step out, there’s less tantalising skin to tease Steve and his wandering mind. There’s still a flash of wet skin, the curve between your shoulder and neck. Steve wants to lick it, kiss it, devour it til the skin beneath is riddled with the bruises of a lover.

For a moment, you’re simply admired — Steve’s eyes on you, adoring and soft, as you creep out the bathroom like you don’t want to make too much noise.

You notice in your absence Steve has cajoled a little tray table into his room, tucked up at the foot of his bed. Atop it sits a chunky television, antennae sticking up in perfectly straight lines. The ones at home on yours are slightly warped from all the readjusting.

“Hey,” Steve says. He’s on the bed this time, and while he doesn’t get up this time, he sits up straighter as you emerge from the bathroom. You put your bag down, abandoning it by the door and try to quell your nerves.

Steve, unless he’s somehow obtained x-ray vision and hadn’t told you, can’t see the nice matching set you’ve got beneath your comfy clothes.

He won’t see it— unless this night goes where you think it might, where you hope it might, but even still, the thought manages to make you fluster.

“Hi.” You say back, voice closer to a whisper.

The bed sinks beneath your weight as you climb on to situate yourself beside Steve. He’s all soft corners and crinkled eyes, his arm raised up in an instant for you to tuck yourself under. Even warmer in his arms, your heart delights when he gives you a little squeeze.

“Alright, movie time!” The television at the foot of the bed pulls Steve away from you. He unwinds his arm enough to crawl down the bed. The grey ringer shirt he has one slips forward a bit and at your angle, you can catch more than a sliver of his tan tummy.

Without thinking, your thighs press together tightly as heat flares between them. You can trace the alluring wiry trail of hair with your eyes until it disappears into his pyjama pants, continuing out of sight. A part of your wants.

You want to see where it goes, want to curl your fingers into his waistband and work it downwards, you want find out if the moles go all the way down his thighs like you hope they do.

Hunger sinks its teeth into your skin; a hunger you’ve been getting more and more familiar with.

“Okay, pervert,” Steve’s cheeky remark shakes you from your thoughts and you start to stammer. He’s clearly caught you staring. “Can’t say I blame you for ogling—“

“I was not—“

“— because I have been told before that I have a very distracting and attractive behind.”

You sputter and despite your best efforts, a little laugh splutters through as well because well, yeah, he’s not wrong — but your brain is stuck on repeat with something else entirely.

Tummy, tummy, tummy, the hair on his tummy, the hair leading down into his pants.

“Yeah, uh huh, okay, Harrington,” You slump back against the pillows with a dramatic sigh, clearly teasing. “If you say so.”

The television flickers to life right as Steve lunges back towards you with all the energy of a labrador puppy. He squishes down onto you so quickly that you actually squeal in surprise.

“Oh, I’m back to just Harrington now?” He pouts, squeezing even closer to you. You’re laughing, flattened beneath him in a way that you can’t even wiggle your arms out. He’s draped across you dramatically. You trust him completely.

“It’s your name, isn’t it?”

“I thought my name was,” He leans closer and kisses your neck. “Boyfriend. Or baby. Orrrrrr,”

He kisses up your neck and onto your cheek. His hazel eyes are bright, crinkled in his grin so much that his lashes kiss in the corner. He kisses your nose. “Handsome.”

“Mmmhm,” you revel in the never-ending affection, glowing from the inside with happiness. You wiggle your arms to make Steve push himself up, just enough to free them from being smothered against your chest. Free to roam, your hands find the sides of his face.

“What about…” You begin. Steve watches you closely, evidently gleeful from the touchiness of your hands. He pushes into your palm, turning to kiss it fast. “My snookums.”

You exaggerate the word, your voice going all sugary to butter it up. You watch as emotions ripple across Steve’s face— the twitch in his nose as he tries not to outright frown at you. How polite he is.

It’s only as he catches the grin spreading across your face, wicked and just loving watching him squirm at the terrible pet-name, does he catch on to your jest. A sigh of relief and a chuckle whooshes out of him at once.

“Oh, thank God you’re joking.” He drops all his weight into your waiting hands, grinning when you let his face flops forward into your chest. His words are completely muffled as he speaks into your chest. “That could’ve been serious grounds for a breakup.”

You huff a laugh and nudge him up best you can. “Yeah, alright, drama queen. Your movie is starting.”

Steve’s head pops up, his head twisting back towards the television like he had forgotten about its existence until you had mentioned it.

“Oh true,” He says. He pushes up off you to sit himself up, shuffling back so instead you can lean on him. Re-situating his arms around you, Steve hums absentmindedly as he throws a leg over you, tangling it with yours. Thoroughly intertwined, you both sink back into the pillows.

The credits roll up and off the screen, the first five minutes of the film whisked away while you and Steve were settling down. Now, the opening scene begins, the grainy picture on the screen buzzing as it plays the VHS.

You get approximately two minutes of silence, your and Steve’s heads turned towards the television, until distraction kicks in.

You do your best to ignore it as his head turns towards you, your eyes still focused on the screen, but all your attention runs to Steve. He nudges a little closer to you, his nose pressing into your temple and right as you realise he’s smelling you, he says—

“Did you use my body wash?”

You freeze.

“I— was I not supposed to?” Your voice comes out a bit weaker than intended.

Steve lets out a soft noise, somewhere between a sigh and a groan, only worrying you further. He starts to shift around a bit, retracting his leg back an inch, his nose no longer nudging close along your temple; all actions that contrast his assuring words.

“No, no, no, it’s fine, you’re fine—“ Despite his words, he shifts again. His hips shuffle backward, one of his hands moving down subtlety as he can to fuss with his pyjama pants.

It takes about two more seconds for you to get it — clued in by Steve’s suddenly scarlet cheeks and his embarrassed expression.

Your mouth drops open a bit unwittingly.

“Are you—“

“Yes.” Steve grates out. He abandons fixing the growing tent in his pants to cover his face with his hands, rolling slightly away from you. You can feel the heat of his embarrassment radiating off him. His words are slightly muffled from behind his palms.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean— I didn’t even realise that was something that got me going until, like, right this second.”

It’s adorable that he’s so flustered and that he’s apologising. You’ve never had that happen before. You’ve never had someone so conscious of how it might seem— never someone like Steve who doesn’t seem to come with any expectations.

A thread of relief jolts through you. It reaffirms what you already know; anything you want to do will be done on your terms.

And with his eyes covered up, if you glance down at his pants for good hard look…. well, that’s between you and the universe.

“Steve,” your fingers curl around one of his wrists, tugging it gently. You try to coax his face out of hiding, your smile somewhere between giggly and endeared. “It’s— it’s okay, really, you don’t have to apologise. I— I mean, I’m honestly flattered.”

Steve deflates a bit, torn between relief and his still persistent concern. He had made a committed plan that he wouldn’t make any moves until you initiated it first and yet, here he was, like every other male in Hawkins. Popping a boner the moment you settle down to innocently cuddle. God, he’s the worst!

A pout forms on his lips. He wishes he could rewind the last 2 minutes and spend the whole movie holding his breath.

“What is it about the body wash?”

Your question takes him by surprise, given the way his other hand drops off from covering his face. He blinks up at you, cheeks still with a hint of cherry red.

“I- I dunno.” He admits. “Like I said I didn’t even realise that…”

Steve’s cheeks flush with colour again. He clears his throat. “That would have that effect on me.”

Something within you preens, a fire stoked by his honest admission; a zing shooting down your spine because you don’t think you will ever get used to hearing how Steve wants you.

“Well,” you begin, the word more timid than you hoped it would be. You clear your throat and cast a glance at the television, feigning casualness. “If I was the cause…”

You let your hand come up, brushing across his warm tummy. Look up at him through your lashes, hoping, praying it looks sexier than you’re feeling— which is somewhere between flustered and foolish.

Still, Steve’s throat bobs. You watch his eyes dart down to your lingering hand, an inch or so above his waistband.

“Maybe, I can be the remedy.”

A tiny groan scrapes out of Steve’s throat, like he would love nothing more. Even so, he pins you with a sincere look, hazel eyes burning into yours.

“You don’t have to do that.” He assures you. “I mean—“ He coughs awkwardly. “It will go away, uh, in time.”

“I’m aware how it works, Steve.”

“Oh, are you?” Steve jokes— laughing when you wallop him in the chest. He grabs your hand, stopping your assault mid-motion with a cheeky smile. “Okay! Okay, I deserved that.”

He releases your hand and you let it fall onto his chest. Nerves prickle beneath your skin but with them is something new, something you’ve only gained since your time with Steve; anticipation.

Steeling your anxiety, you let your hand trail down his chest slowly— enough time that he could halt you before you embarrassed yourself. But he doesn’t. Steve watches you closely, his chest rising and falling a bit harder as your hand nears his waistband.

This time, you don’t stop. You let your fingers brush over the tented fabric hesitantly, torn between wanting to watch your hand or to see his face. As confidently as you can, you palm across his bulge— feeling the heat of his hard length thickening up under your hand.

Steve groans lowly.

You look up at him as you rub him softly, taking in his large pupils and pink lips. He’s watching you too, his eyes darting between your face and the hand on his cock.

“Is this okay?” You check. The movie crackles on in the background, idle noise. Steve nods quickly, a curl of his hair falling down onto his forehead.

“Yeah,” He says, voice breathier than it was a minute ago. You try out a harder rub, beginning to feel out the shape of his cock, and you curl your fingers around it. Steve groans again, a little bit louder, his eyelashes fluttering.

Still, he composes himself enough to ask, “Is this okay for you?”

“Hmmm,” you draw out the noise, the smile on your face giving away your faux-thinking. You squeeze him again, right as you murmur, “Maybe make that noise again and I’ll see.”

But any noise he makes is captured in your mouth as he surges forward, one of his hands curling up under your jaw. His fingers slide into your hair and his lips are sweet and soft, hungry for more against your own.

You can’t help but melt under his kisses, body relaxing into the sheets as you let yourself be kissed breathlessly. A warmth pools deep within your chest, drooling down into your stomach. Anticipations sinks in. Your thighs rub together.

Losing the nerve and the focus, your hand slips up to cup at Steve’s hip— but if he cares, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he takes it as a cue to press forward, leaning his weight onto on his elbows to hold his weight as he shifts up, his lips never leaving yours.

It’s one smooth motion, the way he slips a leg between your own, his body held up and hovering above yours. He kisses, slow and languid. You ache. Your lips haven’t ever been so kissed before.

It isn’t until his thigh shifts up and presses just right do you notice it properly — unable to swallow your shallow gasp, lips halting against Steve’s as a bolt of pleasure blooms deep in your gut. Your eyelashes flutter, a shadow of embarrassment threatening your cheeks.

“S’okay?” Steve whispers, not relenting any of his closeness. His lips brush yours.

You nod gently, a quiet hum sounding in your throat. You’re not entirely sure you can form words right now. Not when it feels like your heartbeat is everywhere — when you can feel the heat between your legs, the tightness of your nipples as they peak, the undeniable thrum of lust building within you.

And certainly not when you can feel Steve, his hardness pressed up against your thigh, his pupils bigger than usual. They’re ringed in that hazel you love— a colour that might be your new favourite ever.

Fuck, you’re in deep. What an incredibly sappy thought to have while you’re getting hot and bothered. Did Steve think that way about you too? Think about the colour of your eyes while he kissed your mouth?

“I…” You finally find your voice and Steve pulls back a couple inches so he can see you properly. His eyes dart over your face adoringly, his lips rosy red from all the kisses and quirked into a smile. He looks at you as if you’re everything.

“I want to…” You say, unable to find the words to finish your sentence. Embarrassment winds up inside you, ready to spring free but Steve seems uncaring at your hesitance.

“You wanna what?”

He kisses the corner of your mouth with a hum. Endlessly patient. Somehow your stomach churns a little faster at that. Nerves stand up on their end, a thousand uneasy prickles over your body.

“I want to.” You say this time, firmer. “Do more.”

It still sounds too mousy coming out and you see a flicker of something on Steve’s face.

“If you do, I mean.” You add on quickly. “I want to if you do.”

Steve huffs a quiet laugh, like the idea of checking in with him was a bit absurd. His gaze roams over your face slowly, taking his fine time just looking at you. He looks as though he doesn’t quite know what to say.

He lands on, “You don’t seem sure.”

Your heart flip-flops at the wrinkle between his eyebrows, his concern evident. He fixes you with a serious, sincere look.

You nod, your hair scrunching up against the pillow as you do. “I am. I just…”

You sink your teeth into your bottom lip and worry it, thinking of how to put this. You’ve said it before, you’ve told him how it was in the past, how you hadn’t enjoyed it and yet…

Feeling too squirmish under Steve’s intense stare, you avert your eyes to look at the ceiling and swallow the knot in your throat.

Your voice comes out a whisper. “I want to try but I’m not sure— I just I can’t promise that I’ll- that y’know, I—”

Eyes crushing closed, you try to seize your bubbling anxiety before it seizes you. This is Steve. You trust him wholly. Just a moment ago you were thinking about how much you like him and—

“Hey,” Steve murmurs lowly, nudging his nose into yours. Your eyes open. He smiles softly when he says, “I have no interest in doing something you don’t enjoy.”

The protest flounders up inside you before you can stop it. “But—“

“So,” He cuts you off pointedly. “If we give it a go and you don’t like it, that’s okay. We can just figure out what you do enjoy, okay?“

For a long moment, you just stare up at him.

“Yeah? So we can just try and if it… If I…” You flounder for words, sounding like you think it must be too good to be true. You stare up at the ceiling as you try to verbalise the biggest hurdle, the final niggling worry.

You peer back up at Steve’s face. “You… you wouldn’t be disappointed if we started but then I wanted to stop?”

Some emotion shutters across Steve’s face, a flash of devastation. You mistake it for annoyance.

An unwelcome hitch suddenly twists in your stomach. “I'm sorry, I know that you— we already- last time, we talked about this and I should know—“

“Stop it,” Steve interrupts with a soft shake of his head. “Stop doing that, it’s fine to feel unsure or- or to not know what you like. It takes time and experience to figure what you do like.”

His hand shifts up, brushing the hair back from your forehead. He leaves it there, the warmth of his hand a comfort. His fingers curl lightly into your hair.

“That’s all I wanna do,” He breathes softly, his lips tugging up at the corners. He looks unbearably earnest, his brown eyes shining. “Just wanna do what you like. Wanna figure out what you like.”

He leans down and kisses your cheek. Then your jaw. Then that soft sensitive spot under your ear. You squirm but this time for all the right reasons.

“Y’want me to do that?” He murmurs.

You’re breathing a little heavier and when Steve nips at your earlobe sparingly, just a love bite and a flash of teeth, your breath catches loudly. Desire surges through you, hot and straight between your legs.

It takes another moment to remember he’s asked you a question.

“Yeah…” you breathe. You wanna nod but you don’t want him to stop what he’s doing. Your throat bobs as you swallow. “I wanna do that. Wanna— wanna learn what you like too.”

Steve hums, a pleased sound, and he kisses languidly at your neck. His lips, soft and plush, scrape against your skin in a way that gathers heat low in your gut. Your hips tilt forward an inch, moving against his thigh almost imperceptibly.

“Yeah?”

The way he says it, the way the word rolls out of his mouth, all husky and low, makes your nipples peak.

“We get to learn together, hm?” He kisses your neck again. The soft press of his tongue and the gentle scrape of his teeth have you gripping the sheets, almost white knuckled.

Suddenly, you can’t stand to not be touching him. Your hands fly from the sheets, fingers curling around his midriff, feeling at the warm skin. His t-shirt is warmed by him. You slip your hands beneath it as he bites where your shoulder meets your neck, soft enough to make you sigh.

Your hand finds skin. Finally, finally, you get your hands on that damned happy trail that’s been all but haunting your daydreams for the past months.

As Steve kisses down your neck, you trace the line of hair with your finger slowly. Your thumb strokes the coarse hair all the way down to his waistband, gentle and hungry all at once— trying to commit it all to memory. Unwittingly, Steve shivers at the motion.

“Fuck,” his breath shudders against your neck. He tucks his face in closer, fighting the urge to press his body up against yours and grind. You feel the twitch in his hips anyway. “You drive me crazy.”

“Me too,” you gasp when he pulls off your neck, blowing cool air across the heated skin he’s been dedicating himself to. You wonder if a bruise will come up, beautiful and kiss-bitten. You clench a little at the thought, the heat between your thighs only increasing.

A mark from him— a mark of a lover.

You want to give one to him too. Managing to remember you can do things with your hands, other than just pawing at his back, you shift them up to curl into his hair. Tugging gently, you coax his face up enough so you can nose alone the length of his neck.

Steve’s panting and you can hear his breath catch when you start planting kiss after kiss on his skin— dragging your bottom lip across those glorious moles you adore so much.

Without meaning to, you press him back and Steve lets himself roll back onto the mattress, his hands tugging you closer. You take the invitation and struggle for a moment to get up over his hips, one leg too tangled in the blanket on the bed.

“My leg,” you laugh weakly, having to retract a hand from his hair to free it. When you do, you settle down, straddling his hips, and try not to lose your confidence. Still, you can’t help apologising. “Sorry.”

Steve peers up at you lovingly, frowning a little when you apologise. “What? No, it’s fine.”

He shifts one hand and grabs the loose blanket beside you and then hefts it up, throwing it as far as he can off the bed with a grunt. It lands somewhere behind you with a soft noise.

“Blanket’s fault.” He says, brown eyes back on you. “Freaking cockblock. I got rid of him, babe, don’t worry.”

You snort a little, leaning down to kiss his perfect lips.

“My hero.” You murmur sarcastically against them.

“Ooh, say that again, baby,” Steve moans exaggeratedly, throwing his head back onto the pillow dramatic, his eyes screwed shit.

You laugh, unknowingly relaxing a little further into him. You swat at his chest.

“Steve.”

“Oh!” He moans again, all girlish and fake, and twists his head in the other direction. “I love it when you say my name like I’m an idiot!”

You gasp, but it’s still hidden in your laughter as you hit his chest again, for a different reason this time.

“Don’t say that!” You say genuinely. “I don’t think you’re an idiot.”

Steve drops the act, his eyes creasing open to shine up at you. He’s glowing beneath you, cheeks a bit flushed and grinning like he’s a little bit in love with you. You think he might be.

“No, you don’t.” He agrees. He soothes his hands up and down your sides. “Only idiot is that idiot who let you think there was anything wrong with you.”

“Ugh,” you scoff. “Please don’t bring him up ever again— least of all when we’re in bed.”

Steve squeezes your sides gently and smiles up at you like he hasn’t heard a word you’ve said. “Noted.”

And then you kiss him.

For a couple of minutes it’s this easy, lazy making out that you love. Though, it’s like there’s a furnace turning up beneath you both, the intensity getting more feverish with every kiss. When Steve finally pulls back from you, panting, he looks as flustered as you feel.

“Can I take these off?”

His fingers are curled into the waistband of your pyjama pants. You nod before you can overthink it, letting him shimmy them down your thighs and settling yourself down on the comforter. Steve sits up a bit beside you, to tug them down your legs and off your ankles.

Steve’s focus is on his hands but your gaze is stuck on his face— and you watch as he tosses your pants behind him carelessly. His eyes fix on your cunt, hidden away behind your lacy panties.

“Woah,” he murmurs softly, eyes flicking up to meet yours. He leans down on his elbows, one arm on either side of your hips and pings the elastic on the cutest lingerie you own. “These are very pretty.”

He sounds like he means it, his voice tinged with lust. It gives you a moment of confidence.

“Yeah?” You ask. You slide your hands up, pushing your shirt up gingerly as you to reveal the matching bra to him.

Even from your distance, you can see how Steve’s pupils dilate, blowing way out. “You like them?”

Steve let’s out a pained noise as his head flops over, his nose pressed into your hipbone. One of his hands reaches down between his legs, adjusting himself in his pants.

He looks back up at you, hair a bit mussed, and pouts.

“That’s not fair! That’s so not fair. Did you plan this? Blindside me by wearing my body wash and then surprise me with matching lingerie?”

The way he says it, all faux accusatory, makes you grin. He sits up long enough to tug his own shirt off, discarding it behind him, and crawls up the bed to kiss you. You catch a glint of the single chain he wears around his neck before he's kissing you.

“You—” Kiss. “look—” Kiss. “so—” Kiss. “fuckin’—” Kiss. “hot.”

He pulls back, taking a moment to just gaze at you before he leans back further, scuttling down the sheets til he’s paused between above your legs.

Something within you flares hotly at the memory of the last time he was in the position. You feel a warm pulse in your cunt, a trickle of slick coating your panties. Your hips shift an inch— half nerves, half anticipation.

Steve kisses you over your panties, like last time, the first chaste and on your clit. The next is a little lower, a little slower, his lips parting further and his tongue pressing languidly against your core. You squirm, breathing a little heavier.

His hands grips gently at your hips, moving up to smooth over your thighs. He lets his fingers slip forward, the tips of them pressing lightly into your inner thighs. He pulls them further apart and ruins you a bit when he kisses sweet along the skin of your thigh.

“I’m pretty sure we could just do this every time and I’d be happy,” Steve says, but it’s paired a chuckle fringed with nerves.

He looks up at you and you realise it is a bit of nervousness— like he’s worried you might find it embarrassing just how much he likes it.

Your blood hums in response, warmer, all of it rushing down your body. You don’t know quite what to say to that, so you say, “Yeah?”

Steve smiles, that flash of nervousness already gone or cleverly hidden. He gives your thighs a gentle squeeze with his large hands and rubs his cheek up against one of them.

“Are you kidding me? I think I’d do anything you wanted just to hear those noises you made again.”

Your lips part slightly in surprise. He’s always so startlingly honest and forward with his feelings but, somehow, it still manages takes you by surprise— that he’s not at all shy about how much he likes you.

Scrambling for an appropriately sexy response, you come up blank and instead decide to press your thighs together. Between them, Steve’s cheeks squish forward, his lips forming an absurdly funny pout.

“Hey!” He exclaims.

It comes out a little muffled with his face squidged up and the mixture of both his face and voice makes you laugh. You release him, legs falling apart, feeling the breath of his laugh again your skin.

“Kidding, you can warm my ears anytime you want, honey,” He’s still grinning up at you when he says it. Part of you know he’s being completely serious.

Your gut burns low. You resist the urge to squirm, feeling the heat chase down to your cunt. It’s hard to relax when he manages to make you feel so keyed up.

“Stop getting distracted.” You jest.

“You stop getting distracted,” He jibes back, but his focus drifts back down, his eyes darkening with a fiery lust.

He rubs the skin of your thighs again, soothingly, and lets one hand creep forward til his knuckles are brushing up against the edge of your panties. His thumb presses forward, into the wet spot you’ve soaked through.

Even so, he still asks, “How we doin’? Still feeling good?”

You nod quickly, then think verbal confirmation is probably far better. “Yeah, still good.”

Realising you’re staring up at the ceiling, hard, you flick your eyes down between your legs. Even if it doesn’t feel particularly sexy, you still have to say it. “Thank you for checking.”

“Of course,” Steve says. He pinches the elastic of your panties lightly, his eyebrows raising in question. “Gonna take these off, yeah? Then you let me know if you don’t like anything I’m doing.”

Despite your history, a huge part of you wants to say yeah, fat chance of that because yeah, you’re beginning to wonder if your boyfriend has some genuinely magical fingers. And a magical mouth. And wait, does that mean his co—

The thought gets ripped away as you feel your panties get tugged downwards and you quickly lift your hips to help. Though he’s seen you bare before, it’s impossible to stop the flush that rolls through your body, hot and tinged with embarrassment. You want to close your legs but Steve between them prevents that from happening.

“Here,” Steve hums, reaching a hand up to scoop up your own from the bedsheets.

He gives it a quick kiss on the palm and then moves it up to land in his hair. “You let me know how m’doing, okay?”

Your fingers curl into his brunette locks automatically and grip tightly when he leans in, his hot tongue dipping between your folds. Pleasure drips into your body as he begins to lick softly, his skilled tongue finding your bundle of nerves quickly and twisting around it.

Heat builds. You close your eyes and let yourself enjoy it, soft pants escaping your lips as Steve kisses and suckles where you’re most sensitive, til there’s a moan lacing every breath.

Fuck, he’s so good at this. How is he so good at this?

One of his hands on your thighs starts to knead gently as the other one slides forward, til his thumb is rested at your slicked entrance. He hasn’t stopped sucking on your clit but your sudden sharp inhale catches his attention.

“Sorry,” you say instinctively.

“It’s fine,” Steve soothes, his thumb circling around your soaked hole, which clenches in response.

He kisses your thigh. Desire burns you up from within, your fingers twisting a little tighter in his hair, giving away your nerves.

“We’re just figuring out what you like, yeah?” He muses, his words half comfort, half lust.

You nod but don’t speak, trying to trust him enough to let his words calm you. Steve gives you a moment to breathe before he resumes the work with his mouth, his hot mouth suckling at your clit once again.

He waits until you’re back to those quiet, shy lusty little noises before he tries again, prodding softly at your entrance in warning before he gently sinks his finger in. You gasp again, hands tightening in his hair — as something molten hot shoots right up your spine.

“Steve,” you cry out his name. It feels... good, which feels like a fucking miracle in itself. He begins to fuck the finger in and out slowly, still lapping at your clit. A heat that you’ve only felt once before starts to nip at your skin, bleeding into each nerve.

Your panting grows heavier and without meaning to, you clench down around him, desperate for a little more.

“See, you like that one, huh?” Steve mumbles against you, his dark eyes flashing up to take in your face contorted in pleasure. His cock thickens unbearably in his pants, too confined. You nod, hair scrunching up against the pillow.

“Yea—yes,” You say, feeling your hips rock down an inch. You want more of that.

Steve obliges, more than willingly, adding another finger. It slides in with little resistance. It’s hotter than anything else to get to see you like this, pliant and horny, rocking your hips against his mouth.

To get to make you like this— sucking on your cute little clit and fucking his fingers in, hearing the adorable squelch of your wetness. You’re so turned on it makes his brain melt a bit, the way you’re leaking all over his fingers. Steve’s cock throbs desperately— but he wants to make sure you’re stretched out enough to take him. If you want that, that is.

He eases one more finger in, keeping a careful watch on your face to see how you take it. You keen beautifully, back arching slightly as he curls his fingers and begins to stretch you out.

You pant deliriously, these tiny whimpers beginning to slip out your throat. Steve wishes he could see your face, the cute scrunch of your brows as you moan— but happily settles for latching his lips back onto your cunt.

Three fingers feel even better than two, you find, as you grip the sheets tightly— you’re throbbing but in this torturous way, balancing on the edge of too much and not enough. There’s a hint of pain lingering at the back, but not enough to distract you from the pleasure.

It takes you by surprise then, when the pleasure suddenly tapers off, your eyes creasing up open and head popping up. You realise Steve is slowly stopping, his slick fingers slipping out of you as he sits back up a bit.

“Why’d you stop?” You say without thinking.

Flushing, you quickly follow it up. “Every— everything okay?”

God, you sound wiped. Your chest is still heaving and your clit twitches, missing the stimulation of your boyfriend’s mouth. The air smells honeyed and perfumed with sex.

“You tell me,” Steve murmurs sweetly, his lips grazing the inside of your knee in an almost kiss. “You said you wanted to do more. Is this enough more?”

Your heart nearly bursts in the pure consideration. God, he’s so fucking nice to you. So unbothered to take things your pace, so attuned to making you feel good. You know that you could happily do this more for the rest of the night.

But it’s not what you had in mind — and the longer you wait, the more you’re beginning to crave getting Steve to a similar state you’re in. Moaning, flushed in the face, his hands buried in your hair.

“We can do more,” You say, your voice dropping back into that shy whisper.

Steve watches you closely, his hand still absentmindedly rubbing at your thigh dotingly.

You clear your throat and speak a little louder. “I wanna do more.”

“Yeah?” Steve says, his grin growing. He huffs and shakes his head a little, dropping your gaze.

“I mean, believe me, even if we just—“ He gestures vaguely between your thighs. “— did this all night? Night well spent.”

You know he means it, especially with his hungry gaze that dips back down, his tongue slipping out to lick his bottom lip briefly.

You press up onto one elbow and reach out one hand, hooking your finger over the one single chain he wears. There’s a ring looped on it, the one you gave him as a promise, and just the sight of it makes you glow inside.

You tug the chain forward lightly and him with it, Steve shifting up the bed til you’re nearly face to face, his frame hovering above you. The beds dips beneath his hands as they crawl up to either side of your waist, his intense eyes locking onto your face. He might be holding his breath.

Swallowing, you move up and press your lips to his in a slow, soft kiss. It turns deeper, hotter, heavier. You swipe your tongue into his mouth and Steve lets out a pitiful noise in response, pressing his mouth against yours desperately.

Drawing back with a little gasp, you open your eyes and repeat your earlier sentiment, “I want to do more.”

Steve watches you, his exhale shaking slightly. You dot a kiss on his cheek quick, pulling back to meet his eyes.

“I want to do more with you.”

A kiss on his other cheek, just as fast. Pink blooms beneath where your lips touch.

“I want to do more, right now.”

Steve smiles splits into a grin, his eyes shining as he chuckles, the sound doused in fondness. “Okay, okay, I got the message,” He murmurs.

Pushing back to sit on his heels, he turns and rummages around in his bedside table for a moment. You lay back on the pillows and try catch your breath, knowing it’s only a matter of time before it’s stolen once more.

When Steve pulls back, there’s a row of condoms in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other. He tears off one of the condoms and throws the rest of them behind him without thought.

You can’t help but tilt your head up, neck straining a bit, not wanting to look away for a moment as Steve raises onto his knees and pushes his boxers down. His cock kicks up, released from its confines with a soft slap against his happy trail.

Unwittingly, your mouth waters a bit.

And look, you’ve seen a dick before, okay? It’s pretty hard to sleep with someone and not see one, unless you have your eyes closed the entire time.

But Steve’s cock is… pretty.

Pink and aching, the head of it slick with a bit of pre-cum— that you realise he’s gotten from being worked up whilst eating you out. You gush a little at the dizzying thought.

You want to touch it — or put it in your mouth so you can drool over it, can suck on it, can feel the heady weight of it on your tongue. Or, as you realise what the ache of your cunt means, you really, really want him to fuck you with it.

Instinct drives your thighs apart, beckoning him between them. Steve’s eyes darken as he notes the motion, moving a bit more hastily to tear the condom packet open. He rolls it down his length, quick and precise.

“Okay,” Steve breathes, reaching out for the lube and drizzling a generous amount into his palm. He keeps the bottle within reach as he slicks it over his heavy cock, a beautiful groan pushing out his throat as he does.

“Okay,” He says again, a little breathier than before. Shuffling forward, Steve lines himself up with your core gently before halting. His eyes dart up to your face.

“You let me know if there’s anything you don’t like or you wanna stop.”

You nod, his ardent care only serving to fuel your lust. You’ll coo over it in the afterglow— right now you want to be around him, want to feel him pulsing inside you, want to feel full where you’re suddenly feeling so, so empty.

Steve shifts forward, beginning to sink into you with a low groan of pleasure.

The first few seconds are bliss — Steve’s done his job well at warming you up and something hungry awakens with a burst of pleasure as you take the first few inches.

Then, something a little more uncomfortable joins the mix.

You try not to squirm, disappointment inflating as your pleasure is robbed by the twinges of pain. It’s not unbearable but you’re enjoying yourself less. Steve moves in another inch and then discomfort abruptly becomes pain.

You inhale sharply, teeth gritted together, and Steve stops moving in an instant.

“Woah, y’okay?”

You nod, even as your eyes slip shut. Half of this is a mental game, you know that—you’ll never loosen up if you don’t try to relax.

“Yeah,” you say quietly, voice a bit tight. “Just— just gimme a minute.”

Steve murmurs a quiet sure but after a moment he says, “Wait, lemme—“ and moves forward so he’s hovering above you instead of sitting back, your faces much closer now. The jostling doesn’t help but having Steve closer does.

He keeps his hips as still as he can and kisses your cheek. You don’t open your eyes just yet, willing yourself desperately to relax, to enjoy it. You take a deep breath.

“We can stop,” Steve whispers.

You shake your head. Creasing your eyes open, you move your hands up so you can twine them around Steve’s neck in almost a hug. Steve leans down and kisses your cheek again, then steals a kiss from your lips.

“I wanna—“ You gasp, frustration mounting at how the pain doesn’t seem to be subsiding. You sound miserable as you cling to him closer. “I want this to work.”

“It’s okay if it doesn’t,” Steve responds, his arm shifting up so he can trace his thumb over your cheekbone.

The movement moves his hips forward another inch, pain spiking so severely that you wince aloud, your face pinched in discomfort. That’s all it takes for Steve to shift back, easing out of you gently. You’re devastated at the relief that follows.

“Okay, I’m not doing that if it hurts you—“

“It wasn’t,” You lie fruitlessly. You know Steve heard your wince—but maybe if you lie, you can trick your body.

Hands coming up to cover your face, you scrunch your eyes up, annoyed at how they sting with tears so quickly. Your voice is all wobbly when you say, “I’m sorry. I'm sorry, I really want this to work, Steve.”

Steve aches at your words, moving in to tug at your hands. His voice is soft, sweet.

“Hey, hey, I know that, sweetheart.”

You don’t let him in, hands still shielding your face. He kisses your knuckles instead, his thumbs swiping up and down your wrists comfortingly.

He waits a moment before he continues, voice buttery soft, “I know you want this. It’s not your fault if your body only likes it some ways and not others. You can’t control that and I know that.”

You take one deep breath and it shudders as you inhale, sounding far too teary for Steve’s liking. He tugs at your wrists again, relieved when you let him pull them away tentatively. You aren’t crying but you look damn near close.

“What’s got you so upset, huh?” Steve coos, nuzzling in close, his nose brushing against yours.

He releases your wrists to cup your face, tender and soft, his brows knit together in his concern. “You know I don’t mind- I told you that I don’t care what we do, just that you’re enjoying it.”

You take another shaky inhale, a little more stable than the last. Steve can feel how you move to press back against him, nuzzling him back. You take another moment before you reply.

“I just-“ You start, voice still tight. “It’s so stupid. I wanted it— I wanted to enjoy it. And that doesn’t even seem to matter to my body. It doesn’t even change how it feels and that sucks. Like I can’t control this part of me.”

Steve listens dutifully, waiting til you finish and your eyes find him.

“Well,” He starts, averting his eyes somewhat sheepishly. “Take everything I say with a grain of salt, okay? But… your body doesn’t hurt just to mess with you, right?”

He waits a moment for your tentative nod. “Right. So, it’s not for nothing. It’s trying to tell you something and- and ignoring that isn’t having control. You have to listen and work with your body — it’s your partner in all this.”

“I thought you were my partner,” you whisper, the small smile on your lips giving away your joke. Steve faux rolls his eyes and kisses the tip of your nose.

“I’m your other partner.” He smiles. Then sighs, casting his gaze above your head for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “Am I making any sense?”

Wiggling one hand up, you place it on his cheek tenderly and begin to whisper. “You’re making a lot of sense actually.”

Steve sighs, leaning his face into the palm of your hand with a huff. “Well, that’s a relief.”

For a minute, there’s only quiet. Your emotions come down from their swell and you take the time to admire the beautiful boy above you, who seems to be doing just the same to you.

After a moment of time, you clear your throat and say, “Can we try again?”

Steve seems to think on it for a moment before he nods, turning to kiss your palm.

“This is gonna make me sound like a total guy,” He says, words muffled against your hand. His brown eyes flash up to yours, darting between them. “But maybe we should try from the back. Like, different angle and all.”

You snort, unable to hold it in because it does sound like such a guy thing to say. Even so, you give a little nod, eager to try something else. You don’t even want to acknowledge the mounting dread around disappointing Steve — even with all his assurances, you can’t help but feel as though this has been one gigantic let down.

As Steve shifts back, you become suddenly aware of the lubed up slick spot on your thigh where Steve's cock was resting and scrunch your nose with a laugh. Peering down, you drag a finger through the wetness left on it.

“Ew,” you laugh.

“Ew?” Steve echoes incredulously. “Alright, that’s it.” His sits up and back, his hands darting down lightning fast, manoeuvring you all of sudden. He hooks his hands under your hips and lifts, twisting so you’re suddenly splayed on your front.

You’re giggling all the while, drunk on the feeling of your boyfriend’s hands as they trail up your sides. The hair of his tanned scrapes against your back as he leans in, mouthing along your shoulder towards your neck.

You find your knees and prop yourself up on them, lifting your hips off the sheets of Steve’s bed. At the angle he’s draped himself over you, it’s a perfect line up of his cock with your cunt, the head of it teasing your entrance when you push back.

You're relieved that your emotional moment hadn't killed the mood altogether. That same hot, pulsating want from before tears through you and Steve takes a stuttering breath, the slightest moan in his throat. You feel his forehead press against your shoulder blade, as though he’s trying to compose himself.

“You-“ He says, the word catching in his throat. As if unable to help himself, his hips grind forward, pushing his aching cock between your slick folds. You make pitiful, keening noises in response, a thread of pleasure run through the two of you.

“You ready?” Steve asks shakily. He relents some of his closeness to grab the lube, giving another generous drizzle into his palm to slather over himself.

“Please,” you whisper, pushing yourself back an inch.

This time when Steve pushes himself in, the bliss stretches out, lasting more than just the first couple seconds. You make a high, breathy sigh of a noise and your head drops forward.

Steve pauses, his breathing on the ragged side, and checks in. “Still feeling okay?”

You nod feverishly, a whine building up in your throat that threatens to escape if Steve doesn’t move. Or maybe if he does move. You can’t tell — can’t tell anything other than how good it feels to have him inside you, hot and throbbing.

“Yes,” you manage to gasp out. “Yeah, keeping going, please,”

Steve grunts, complying in an instant, sinking his cock further in. Something inside you tightens up again— but it’s not nearly as noticeable as last time. Still, Steve recognises it and he slows for a moment.

“I’m okay,” you assure breathily, face nearly pressed into the bed. You need him to keep moving.

And he does; his cock sinks in another inch right as his hand creeps around your hip, searching for something blindly. You barely get one moment of confusion before his calloused fingers drag through the slick on your cunt and move up, pushing against your clit purposefully.

You moan, loud and high. The friction of your clit is enough to make your thighs spread a little wider and your hips move back before you even realise what you’re doing, almost the rest of Steve’s cock sinking inside you. It feels good but something else pinches up inside you.

Steve moans, muffling the sound into your skin as he hides his face in your neck.

You pant, suddenly dreading how you can feel the prick of pain on the fringes of your pleasure if Steve stretches you too far. "Don't- n-not too much," You warn gently, the words all breathy, still swathed in your pleasure. "I—uh— fuck, I don't think I can take it all."

You feel Steve's nod against the back of your neck, accompanied by a low hum in his throat.

“Y-yeah, okay,” He stammers. His hips roll forward and he follows your word, not quite pushing all the way in. "F-Fuck."

His breath is hot on your neck and the sudden urge for his kiss is nearly overwhelming. Even not facing him, the way Steve drapes himself around you, gentle even with how he grinds his hips into yours, feels intimate. Your cunt gives a soft squelch.

“Oh fuck,” Steve gasps, stilling completely — the feeling of you wrapped around him is enough to nearly push him to the edge. He screws his eyes closed and whimpers, trying to keep himself together.

“Y’okay?” You whisper breathily after a couple of moments, forehead pressed into the sheets. Your hips move just a little bit, shifting in a little circle so his cock slides out an inch, his fingertips grazing across your clit again.

“I—ngh-“ Another whine slips out from his throat at your movement and Steve’s hand slips back, gripping your hip tightly. “Jesus Christ. Y-Yeah I’m good, just trying not to— fuck- end this too quickly.”

He moves a bit, readjusting him arms to hold weight up a little easier.

“But you’re really wet and, like, really warm,” He grunts, almost accusingly. “And I really like you, so,”

You can’t help it — a little laugh titters out of you, one of pure delight because Steve is sincere about his feelings. The laugh only serves to make Steve groan louder.

“Shit,” He gasps, his forehead pressing into your shoulder. “You can’t laugh right now, it’s so not helping.”

“Sorry,” you laugh again, a little more apologetic this time.

Then, after a moment of gathered bravery, you say, “I don’t think I like this position. I can’t see your face.”

Steve makes a pained noise from behind you, a breathy and sharp inhale, and suddenly his grip on your hip is twice as tight.

“I’m gonna need you to stop talking. Please.” He grits out, voice sounding tight and barely restraining the moan in it. “I’m trying really hard here but you’re making this impossible.”

Steve shifts on his elbow again, bicep bulging as he lowers himself to one side. His hips press into your backside, sinking himself further into your wet heat, as he settles his weight down onto the mattress. The springs make a noise in protest.

You’re still closely intertwined, Steve pressed up against you, still throbbing within you, but now it’s more like… you’re spooning.

You settle down too, forcing out an exhale to let yourself melt back into Steve’s chest.

He lets out a soft groan again but the new position means he can bury his face in your neck properly— and when you turn your head right, he seizes the chance for a kiss.

He kisses sweet and slow to begin with, plush lips nipping at yours as if you’re not already in the throes of sex. Like he kisses you hello. His nose nudges against yours and he shimmies an arm beneath you on the bed. It curls itself around your stomach and Steve uses it to bring you even closer.

“Is this better?” He whispers. He nudges his hips for a bit, giving a gentle thrust. Something warm flares at the pit of your belly, hungry for more. “Still okay?”

You nod, a whimper escaping your throat as you steal another kiss from his lips. “Yes,” You whisper, lips scraping against his, hardly believing it. “Feels— feels good, baby,”

Steve finally gives in to his moan, a beautiful noise that sends heat rushing between your thighs. He begins to move more, building a gentle rhythm as he fucks into you, sensual and adoring all in one.

Time drips away. You feel much warmer now, pressed up against Steve’s chest, with his kisses all around. One of his hands stays dutifully between your legs, pushing around your bundle of nerves and pulling weak, soft noises from you. The other, you cling to, your fingers twisted as best they can with his.

Pleasure wraps the pair of you up til a soft glow of sex and love settles over the both of you. Steve murmurs doting words, an endless stream of encouragement pouring from his mouth as he nibbles at the shell of your ear.

Still feelin’ good? Yeah, you are. Just listen to you- sounding so pretty wrapped around my cock.

Fuck, your pussy makes the cutest noises. So wet f’me, isn’t she? God, you drive me crazy.

You’re taking me so well, yeah? Being so fuckin’ good f’me- letting me know how you feel. M’so lucky - fuckin’ love— love this with you.

You don’t even realise when every gasp out your mouth has turned into a moan, each breath building and mounting. Your chest heaves and Steve’s motions go from lazy to focused. His hips slow a little but his fingers over your clit speed up, dancing across the nerves perfectly.

You clutch desperately at the arm he has wrapped around your waist, your head thrown back to rest on his shoulders with your eyes screwed shut. Your hole clenches wildly as you hurtle towards your orgasm— and go right over the edge without warning.

You make this cute little gasping noise, high pitched and wrapped in a pretty sigh, and Steve doesn't think he's ever heard something so sensual, so pretty. His blood seems to thrum in response, pleasure turning the coil in his gut tighter and tighter.

Euphoria melts into your body and you sag into it with a drawn out soft moan, turning your face to search for Steve’s in an instant. One of your hands darts up, sloppily reaching for the back of his neck, suddenly starved of a kiss.

You find his lips right as Steve finds his peak— his handsome face screwing up as he all but whines into your mouth. You capture it, some heavy, open mouthed kiss of desperation shared between you.

Pleasure flows over you, hot and heavy, fuelled by the frantic grinds of Steve’s hips into yours as he whimpers into your mouth. Even though some part of you feels vulgar, another, louder, part of you feels like you've taken part in something sacred. Steve's fierce kiss certain feels akin to something holy.

After a minute, the euphoria fades. You settle back into your body, feeling the scratch of the cotton sheets beneath you, the sweat of Steve’s chest on your back, the slightly discomfort in between your thighs.

Steve can feel it, the moment you tense back up, some unwelcome twinge of pain in your gut. He’s shuffling back and pulling out before you even have to ask.

Without his chest to lean on, you roll backward naturally and flop onto your back, still panting lightly. Steve shifts up to hover above you.

“You good?” He asks, that same breathlessness in his voice. He smiles handsomely, his hair a little limper than usual, flopping over his forehead. He looks gorgeous. “You did great.”

That almost makes you laugh, the sincere praise so like one might give a child, but Steve seals it with a kiss to your forehead. Your laugh turns into a sheepish but giddy grin. “I’m gonna take the condom off, I’ll be right back.”

He disappears from your line of sight for a minute or two and you can hear him rustling around in his room.

Without any distractions, you suddenly remember the film you’d put on in the beginning, still running at the end of the bed— the final credits are just starting to roll. The streetlights glow a little brighter in the evening dark through the curtains.

You huff out a breath and your smile comes without even trying. In fact, if Steve hadn’t come back when he did, you’re sure you would’ve started giggle to yourself madly, cocooned in your own contentedness. That same awed, gleeful smile just like the first time round.

“You look like a dope, smiling like that, you know that?”

Steve’s wearing a pair of boxers, green plaid, and he’s got a fresh, warm wash-cloth in his hands.

"I didn't know that," You muse playfully.

“Hey,” He changes tone to less playful, kneeling on the bed. You notice the change of clothes in his other hand when he throws them onto the duvet beside him. “M’just gonna clean you up a bit, that okay?”

You’re sure there’s a pinch of embarrassment in you somewhere but, still blissed from your orgasm, you can’t manage to find it. Steve is quick and precise, the warm cloth wiping up any excess sticky fluids. He kisses the inside of your knee when he’s done.

“All done,” He murmurs, climbing back off the bed in the direction of the bathroom, switching off the television as he does. He gestures to the clothes at the foot of the bed as he walks. “Y’can wear these if you want.”

Finally feeling less flattened, you shift up to lean on your elbows. He’s grabbed you a pair of his boxers, the matching blue pair to his green, and one of his old Hawkins swim-team shirts. You slip into both quickly, your heart going a bit fuzzy with how soft the shirt is.

Then you crawl beneath the covers, blood still rushing far faster than usual and a satisfied tiredness beginning to sink into your body. You can't help but thinking it all over — Steve's mouth between your legs, the feel of him sinking into you, the ecstasy of falling apart in his arms.

Part of you hadn't wanted to acknowledge that, well, it fucking worked this time and you enjoyed it. A niggly fear about jinxing it. Like if you pointed it out, it would incite the likelihood of your body turning on you once more. Robbing you of pleasure and experience in equal measure.

But when Steve comes bounding back to the bed, dragging back the covers to join you beneath them, you speak first.

"So, that didn't suck." You say excitedly, biting back your grin as Steve settles down beside you.

Together, you share one pillow as he scooches in closer. His hands reach out, searching for you amongst the sheets. When he finds your hips, he uses them to drag you closer to him, a halfhearted cuddle.

He lets out a puff of air against the pillow, a light snort. "I mean, hopefully it didn't just not suck."

If you had more energy, you might give him a playful shove because you know he knows what you mean. He'd seen the whole display of nervous emotions attached to sex all the way leading up to it.

Instead, heart feeling awfully gooey in your chest, you seize the opportunity to press in closer to him. Your head tucks beneath his chin, your lips barely grazing his throat.

"It was really good." You whisper, lashes fluttering as your eyes fight to stay open. Steve's warm on a good day. He's hot as a furnace with all the blood that's pumping around still. Perfect for snuggling up with.

"Yeah?" He sounds delightfully pleased, but not the smug kind. He sounds happy that you enjoyed it.

Then he whispers, "Told you it wasn't you."

His big palm sweeps up your back soothingly.

He's right. You've never been so glad to be on the receiving end of an I told you so before. Not that Steve would say that (at least, not right now).

Cuddling in closer, you wriggle one hand out from beneath the covers, not bothering to pull back or open your eyes when you murmur, "Just had sex high-five?"

You can feel Steve's laugh as it rumbles through his throat. It's an inside joke now, it seems.

"Hell yeah." He wiggles one hand free and slaps it against yours, probably a little harder than necessary. You laugh too, the sound a mixture of joy and sleep.

And yeah, okay, you might get it now. The whole big fuss around sex that everyone seems to make—but maybe you don't entirely agree with them.

There was something more in the... trust. In knowing that Steve wouldn't have cared which way it happened, as long as you were both enjoying it. In the intimacy shared, even before you had ever slept together. In the waiting. In the wanting—for both yourself and for Steve.

There's some grandeur discovery you've uncovered, you're sure of it, about the mystery and craze around sex. You just keep losing the string of thoughts to your slumber which drifts ever closer.

Oh well. You can always put it all together in the morning when you're not so tempted by sleep and bundled up in the arms of a boy who you love. For now, you drift off, fulfilled and content.

tags below! (seven months later...)

@roanniom @madaboutjoe @huang-the-geek @pootcullen @superskittles

@hales-who-loves-to-reid @spear-bearing-bi-witch @daisiesandinvasives @season4steve @thelauraborealis

@mmmunson @everythinghasafacee @katethetank @sorry--for-the-mess @matterdontminduntildone

@blowing-mikey @astoryreader @mulletmcghee @sugarcoatedstarkey @pullhisteeth

(these are just the ppl in the tags that mentioned wanting to be tagged! if i know u follow me and are a regular, i didn't bother tagging u cos i know you'll see it hehehe <3)

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve x reader #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader smut #jay writes #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x you smut #steve x reader smut #all my chatter goes after the tags now cos did u guys know that after twenty tags apparently they just dont count tags???#lawd knows im not wasting my first twenny on my rambling #i have MUCH to say about this piece #but mainly im so glad its fookin FINISHED #i can literally see the line breaks in the fic where i stopped and left it for a month #i know the fandom be quiet between seasons but hopefully people be down for some #good ol super into each other figuring it out sex <3 #again - this is entirely indulgent tehe !#but i know there's lot of peeps out there with similar experiences and i hope this resonates for them #mwah!#enough jabbering !

2K notes · View notes