#and the reasoning for that varies wildly from person to person. There are plenty out there who cannot afford to protest or boycott

[justsomestuffreally]

I think the Batkids reaction to a Bruce who isn't de-aged to 8 but rather 29 (pre-Jason death, post his adoption) would be fascinating. 

Their reaction would vary wildly:

Dick: Oh. Bruce is soft again. Bruce calls them ‘chum’ and ‘buddy’ and gives head pats for no reason. He still isn’t perfect, his communication skills are still a work in progress, but compared to his future self? Without actively dying Dick is hugged plenty. Bruce asks him to go to the zoo, unrelated to any case, just to spend time together. Dick is hit with more nostalgia and longing for the past than he knows what to do with.

Also notable: his dad is younger than him. That is something. Second, holy existential crisis Batman, his dad is younger than him and already one adult and one teenage kid??? Dick is not ready to feel this old yet. Third, Dick has absolutely no idea how Bruce managed to stay patient through his no-pants years. He is going to thank reason every day from now on that Damian wears full protection.

Jason: After his death and League he clung to an image of Bruce. One many tried to beat out of him, but he still kept it somewhere close to his heart, buried deep enough even he couldn’t see it. When he came back Bruce wasn’t like this idea of him. How stupid of him to believe the mind of a traumatized kid. Trying to create one good thing before the kid drew his last breath. Making up memories that never even existed.

But they did. Every smile and hug and even his words reflect the image tugged safely against his still-beating heart. His dad very clearly, very deeply loves him. Which is so much worse. Because he can understand why a Bruce, who never cared, didn’t kill the Joker. But he cares. So why the fuck did he not kill the Joker?

Tim: The reason he joined the family, the reason why he became Robin in the first place was because he saw a problem when Bruce started self-destructing and thought ‘Someone needs to fix that!’. Therefore he went and collected Dick, who didn’t seem keen on fixing it. So, the job fell to him to fix it.

He thought he did a good job, he thought he fixed the problem. Except now he sees who Bruce was, and he knows he failed. Their Bruce is less soft, less affectionate, less like he was before. Batman needs a Robin and Tim didn’t manage to be good enough of one to save him. 

[Or: Tim has a guilt complex a hundred miles wide and blames himself for things that aren’t his fault part 52]

Steph: Jason and she are very similar. Both come from the Narrows, both have a mother addicted to drugs and a shitty father. The differences start when Steph keeps waiting on the roof of their apartment for Batman to whisk her away, while Jason tries to steal the tires of the Batmobile and is taken in.

When Steph started out as Spoiler Bruce tried to keep her off the field, and obviously this one would too (even if he would probably be less paranoid about it), but she knows this Bruce would have also taken her in. This Bruce would be the father she always wished for when she sat on their roof and couldn’t see any stars. 

And she didn’t get to have this because Jason went ahead and died. (Of course, she knows she isn’t fair to the guy. Dying isn’t fun… And she knows the only reason she lived is because he died. When Batman rescued her from Black Mask she was in such terrible shape that Leslie managed to convince the World’s Greatest Detective that she died. If Jason hadn’t died Bruce wouldn’t have been as paranoid, wouldn’t have noticed her missing so soon, wouldn’t have been as urgent in his response. Would have been just a minute slower, a minute which would have killed her. Just as it had Jason.)

For her, this Bruce is a distorted mirror into a past which never was. 

Cass: This Bruce and B are not the same person. They don’t move the same. In a fight, this Bruce is younger, faster, stronger. Doesn’t compensate for a previously broken spine. Less experienced. Still one of the most experienced she knows, but less. 

He still moves differently, outside a fight, less pain. More likely to engage in physical affection, more likely to hug and pat and talk. He talks more than B. B knows what she means without words. This Bruce doesn’t.

She likes this Bruce, warmth, and softness. But not as much as B. He knows what she means, when she wants a hug, when she tells him ‘I love you’ without words. B doesn’t need words. This Bruce doesn’t know her, doesn’t communicate like her. She wants B back.

Damian: At first, when this version of his father seemed uncanny and oddly familiar, he assumed it to be due to the stories of his mother. After all, she always told him tales about his father. He simply did not have the frame of reference to understand the kindness she spoke of. Clearly, the clash between the ideals of the League and the ones of his father causes these feelings, just as they did when he first entered the manor.

He presumed this to be the case until one day on patrol Batman laid a hand on his shoulder and told him he did a good job after no particularly impressive fight and he nearly called him ‘Grayson’. Because the stories of his mother may have painted the picture of this version of his father, however, it wasn’t what made it familiar; no, he knew this kindness. These hugs and compliments one would bestow upon a child. Compliments which, despite the indignity, still warm him. Because Grayson learned how to be a… caregiver from his father.

His father used to be like Grayson, used to be until his grief hardened him. Damian could have had this. Damian could have a brother and father who would- But he doesn’t because of Todd. He loathes Todd. Loathes him for ruining the life he could have had.

Why did he die anyway? Damian certainly wouldn’t have a problem escaping bonds created by the Joker, Damian would have disarmed the bomb in time, Damian would have never thrown this life away like he did.

[Or: Damian is a child who was raised by assassins and has unreasonable standards for fighting abilities and also is a child who needs to focus his rage on someone.]

Duke: He was neither there before Jason died nor in the aftermath [according to my math he was around 4 when Jason died] he joined the family when Jason was already back for 4 years or so. He mostly skipped all the drama. For him, Bruce is the way Bruce is because he is Bruce. It’s weird to see him so different, to see how grief shaped parts of Bruce which Duke assumed were just Bruce things.

He’s glad this Bruce is brighter, or not because it just highlights how much that light will dim? Who knows, certainly not him. 

What he does know is that, with their Bruce, he has a distance which, with his parents still alive, he appreciates. With this Bruce, he can understand why Dick struggled so much whether he wants to be his ward or son, how he doesn’t want to replace his parents but still have this Bruce as a dad. It definitely explained the ted talk Dick tried to give him after Bruce officially took him in as a ward.

He likes this Bruce well enough, but he doesn’t necessarily want him to stay this way. Yes, their Bruce is less happy, less open but he did heal, he did grow. Duke met a Bruce who tried to learn from his mistakes, learned to communicate better, and learned when to pull and when to push. For Tim, Damian, Dick, and certainly Jason there is too much baggage, too much history in their relationships, it’s difficult for them to ever move past- anything really.

Sure, when Dick and Bruce are on the same page they are essentially invincible but then the past catches up again and they don’t talk to each other for months. And honestly? Apart from Cass, Duke’s pretty sure he has one of the best relationships with Bruce simply because he got to know him at a better time.

Duke doesn’t mind this Bruce. But their Bruce loved Jason, cared for him so deeply the scars still show to this day. And he still chooses to open up again even if just a bit by bit. Even if just Duke can see it. He is used to being the only one that can see.

And maybe knowing this care extends to him, this love even grief can’t shake? Maybe it makes him feel just a little bit safer, a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter.

[marzipanandminutiae]

I genuinely think there were far more trans people in 19th century western history than we're aware of, simply because of the nature of how most LGBTQ people lived their lives back then

namely, though of course this varied WILDLY by time, place, cultlure, race, gender, etc., in relative secrecy

if you go back far enough, legal identifying documents were barely a thing for many people. and even if they existed, circumstances in which they'd be checked were few and far between. surveillance was nowhere near what it is now simply because of technological limitations. and due to those same technological limitation, people were more used to accepting at face value the identities of people with bodies that varied from the norm

Gilbert and Sullivan mention, in their 1885 song "I've Got A Little List," the singer's "auntie with a mustache" (albeit in a negative context). not "well, I don't hold with all this woke DEI nonsense and have we checked Auntie's genitals and what's the marker on this alleged woman's passport?" is it very probable that the auntie was cisgender? yes. there are plenty of reasons for cis women to grow more facial hair than is average, ranging from genetics to PCOS to post-menopausal hormone shifts. before HRT, in a time with few readily accessible safe hair removal techniques (though they tried, and electrolysis had been technically available- at ruinously expensive rates -since the 1870s), you'd be more likely to encounter cis women with facial hair who chose not to try removing it. and you assumed all women were cis. so your set concept of A Woman included, potentially, facial hair, and it was less likely to make you question someone's gender

EDIT: wow okay so that is NOT an original G&S lyric! it's so borderline in terms of Poor Taste that I assumed it must be 19th century. nonetheless, references to old women with whiskers and moustaches abound in Victorian and earlier literature, so the point still stands

besides which, for a very long time, personal questions along the lines of "what's in your trousers/skirt" were considered HIGHLY impertinent

so, while there would be a world of trouble if a trans person was caught or if suspicions began to arise about their gender for some reason- the past was not a trans-friendly utopia by any means -it was often somewhat easier to fly under the radar than it generally is today. the transphobic powers-that-were were less aware of this possibility and therefore not on high alert for it, generally speaking

and since most trans people then and now want to have jobs and social circles and families and do things to which being trans is incidental, while trans, it wasn't likely that they'd call attention to themselves in a time when Closet = Safe. indeed, most trans people from that era that we know about are only publicly known because their death wishes to be buried without autopsy were not respected. I'm thinking of Dr. James Barry, Charley Parkhurst, and earlier the Chevaliere d'Eon [no, that's not a misspelling; it's the feminine form of Chevalier since she was a woman]

(you hear about more transmasc people in the history of this era because it was harder to establish an independent life as a woman, at all, without some kind of support network/establishment of Reputation in the area where you were living. unless you were a sex worker, and while we do know about some transfem sex workers of the era, the specifics of their identities are often obscured behind salacious news reports of Man Disguised As Woman Tricks Other Men Into Doing Icky Gay Things. so figuring out whether they saw themselves as women or crossdressing men can be difficult. Mary Jones comes immediately to mind)

how many similar wishes were respected? how many people slipped through history with their gender variance unremarked-upon? there's literally no way of knowing- which is good in terms of immediate postmortem respect, but leaves historians of queer subjects nowadays with a herculean task

I think, in light of all that's happening right now, I just want to remind everyone that trans people have always existed, will always exist, and are an integral part of humanity's fabric

[cazzyf1]

Mike Hawthorn's Last Interview

From a magazine called 'Sports Car Wheel' published in August 1959

Mike Hawthorn picks the next champion - by Michael Priestley

A few hours before Britain's newly acclaimed Grand Prix Champion was killed in his green 3.4 Jaguar on the Guildford bypass, Surrey, England, our London correspondent Mike Priestley dropped in on our behalf to chat with his old friend. The two 'Mikes' discussed the future of the sport. We print this interview with respectful homage to a great driver and a nice guy who decorated the sport with his shining achievements and warm personality.

"Mike!" I asked as I pulled up outside the Farnham garage which bears the proud name 'Mike Hawthorn, Tourist Garage Ltd'. "What's the idea of retiring under 30?"

Mike Hawthorn gave me the familiar boyish grin I knew so well, a grin he often used to mask a hurt, and he had so many during his dazzling career.

"I don't know the real reason," he said, "I had to make up my mind whether to carry on racing or give up and run a business. I had reached the top, which is good for business, but after a while I would get worse, and people would soon forget."

"This business is growing. There is more and more work to do. We have had the new showroom for 15 or 18 months, but we still want new workshops."

At his garage, Mike sold Ferraris, Jaguars, Standards and Triumphs. His father, Leslie Hawthorn, owned the garage until he was killed in a road crash a few years ago. Hawthorn's mother and a family friend ran it together so that young Mike could carry on racing.

Some people said Hawthorn left the track to get married. Mike gave me a stock answer. "You'll get nothing out of me on that. It's definitely 'No comment'"

Surrounded by paintings of himself in action, Hawthorn confirmed that he would never race again on any track. But he was toying with the idea of doing the odd speed trial and rally now and again.

"I am obviously going to miss racing," he said, "Particularly when I go to a meet and see the Grand Prix cars on the grid."

Other racing, he said, didn't have the same attraction for him. Unlike Stirling Moss, he was never very interested in sports cars, although he drove plenty of them with great success.

"Frankly, I raced for the fun of the game," said Hawthorn. "I have to admit I never took it seriously like Stirling. I'd say I was lucky to get the championship by a single point."

What he most enjoyed was a battle royal with the masters of the sport. A wheel-to-wheel "dice" with Fangio meant more to him than all the fame and fortune he earned. "I made no elaborate plans to win the championship," he said, modestly. "I wanted to win, of course, but I'm afraid I never gave it much thought until the newspapers started building it up."

Although his success have been varied and numerous, Hawthorn won only three Grandes Epreuves. Even in his championship year, he scored only one outright win. Circumstances were often against him. When Mercedes swept the board, he was with Ferrari. When the Italians had regained supremacy, he had moved to B.R.M. In 1957, he rejoined Ferrari, only to find himself outpaced by the Maseratis and Vanwalls.

Hawthorn's memories of the past eight years must have been bitter-sweet indeed. He lived through high success and bleak failure, good health and bad, friendly publicity and cruel vendettas.

The press was wildly enthusiastic about Hawthorn in the early days, but later he was to learn that there is another side to publicity. In 1955, newspapers branded him as a draft dodger - for the thinly-veiled reason that National Service was in the news at the time - and the whole subject turned into a party squabble in Parliament.

Although the charges were later proved unfounded, the shameful attacks continued abated. One newspaper even started off again when Hawthorn returned home to attend his father's funeral.

Outside in the showroom, I saw two very interesting old cars. One was the Riley tuned by his father and driven by Hawthorn at the outset of his dazzling career. It was being completely rebuilt. The other was the sports Alfa-Romeo which won the 1934 Le Mans.

A notable absentee was Hawthorn's championship Ferrari, which he wanted to keep at Farnham. However, for reasons that must be more Latin than logical, Ferrari refused to let him have it, and the car will probably end its days in bits and pieces.

With the weight of the business on his broad young shoulders, Hawthorn admitted to finding time too short. He seemed preoccupied as he talked The biggest problem of his new life, he said, was the prospect of buckling down to it. He liked the gay life surrounding the sport, and his autobiography "Challenge me the race" contains several references to "Fantastic parties" "monumental hangovers" and other high jinks.

"I do like the idea of leading a quiet life," he admitted, not very convincingly. "But it looks as if it'll be difficult at the moment."

The conversation turned to the qualities desirable in a race track driver. "Let's get it clear from the start," Mike explained. I'm not the fearless type. I've been scared white on the track more often than I can remember, but what really scares me is being a passenger. When I'm being driven, I get really scared. At 40 or 50 mph, I suppose I'm all right, but after that, I go to pieces."

"Judgement and good reflexes are, I suppose, the first essential of a racing driver," he went on, "and I suppose you have to have IT. What's IT? Well it's a blend of good judgment and good reflexes - kind of fifth sense that comes into operation on the track. You could be the bravest man alive, and not get anywhere in racing without IT."

Hawthorn has another thing in common with most other racing drivers. He is superstitious, but not unusually so. He has never liked number One, and since his great friends Peter Collins and Luigi Musso were killed in cars bearing number Two, he had dodged that number also. Hawthorn refused the number Two at Morocco. Gendebien said he was not superstitious and took it. He was nearly killed in a serious crash.

"I like anything with a five in it," said Hawthorn, "I call that a comfortable number," He has never carried a "lucky" charm for fear of losing it.

The Hawthorn family originally lived in Yorkshire, but Leslie Hawthorn decided to move to Farnham to be near the Brookland circuit. It was there that young Mike saw his first race and the die was cast.

Right from the time when he "drove" an old Jowett on the starter motor - he was only eight at the time - he dreamed of racing. He had one priceless asset; his father, who knew the game inside out, both as driver, an engineer, and helped him all the way.

Mike Hawthorn, tinkered about with old motorbikes and modest motor cars, until his father acquired a couple of Rileys. Father and son entered for the 1950 Brighton Speed Trials. Leslie came second in the 1500 c.c. class. Mike won the 1100 c.c. class.

His real break came when a family friend, Bob Chase, brought a new Cooper-Bristol and let Hawthorn race it on condition that his father looked after it.

Hawthorn's debut at the Easter meeting at Goodwood in 1952 was fantastic. He beat such British experts as Abecassis, Wharton, Poore and Hamilton. Then he relentlessly trounced Fangio himself, when the master was also driving a Cooper-Bristol. After that, Mike never looked back, although bad luck was often to harry him.

After getting a fourth place in the Belgian Grand Prix at Spain, in 1952, Hawthorn went to Modena, Italy, to be tested by Ferrari. Unfortunately, he crashed his Cooper there, and, although he was not badly hurt, he felt groggy and unfit to race for a long time.

Ferrari signed him up for 1953. This was the year that Hawthorn drove his finest race, becoming the first Britisher to win the classic French Grand Prix since Sir Henry Segrave triumphed there in 1923.

As a first-year boy in the Ferrari team, he thus beat the great Fangio after a marathon duel, and soundly defeated Farina and Ascari.

Observers thought it was one of the most thrilling races ever, to see Fangio, the "Grand Old Man" of motor-racing, and then audacious "new boy" battling it out, using every clean trick in the book, for 150 miles - Hawthorn finally winning by a second.

Although he won the Sebring 12-Hours and the Le Mans 24 Hours and several other races, 1954 and 1955 were ill-fated years for Hawthorn.

Firstly, there were the disgraceful attacks on him over his Military Service commitments, which finally ended only when he was later rejected as medically unfit because of his kidney trouble and burns.

In 1955 there was more bad publicity when he was involved in the ghastly crash at Le Mans which killed over 80 people. No one was officially blamed after a long investigation, but some people tried to make the mud stick on Hawthorn.

To complete two dreadful years, Hawthorn's beloved father, Leslie, was killed in a road crash in England while Mike was in Italy In 1954.

In 1956, Ferrari decided that Hawthorn couldn't drive for him and Jaguar at the same time, so Mike bade him farewell for the time being and became a 'freelancer'.

It was in the fast but unreliable B.R.M that Hawthorn had his most fantastic racing car crash and escaped with an injured ankle. The car got out of control at 100 m.p.h at Goodwood, cartwheeled several times end over end, and finished upside down with a front wheel torn off. Hawthorn was back with Ferrari, with whom he stayed until his retirement.

The Vanwall won the Manufactures' World Championship this year, and because the British car was, by large and large, superior to the Ferrari, Hawthorn;s championship win was all the more admirable.

He didn't exactly 'nurse' his Ferrari, as had been suggested, but he showed a high degree of 'Mechanical sympathy' and this probably won him the world laurels, informing for a moment his supreme skill and fire.

In spite of the death of Peter Collins and Luigi Musso in Grand Prix racing last year, Hawthorn insisted that it is the safest form of racing there is. That is why he was against the new Formula One, which says that GP cars must conform to set standards of minimum weight and maximum power.

"It means putting a less powerful engine in the same weight chassis. With power you can get out of trouble by putting on throttle. If you reduce the power, nothing is going to happen when you put your foot down to regain control," he told me.

Outside of racing, Hawthorn's interests were limited, both by time and inclination. He sometimes reads thrillers, war books and historical works, but he has no enthusiasm for the Arts or politics. However he had a passion for flying. In 1957 he brought a lightweight Vega Gull which he piloted "quite a lot".

He often used it to get from track to track in Europe. At Hamburg, when Peter Collins and his American wife were on board, the engine failed just after take-off. Mike pulled off the impossible. He made a forced landing on the main runway, down-wind.

Afterwards he found out that a Convair liner had landed at the same time, on the same runway- from the opposite direction. "I didn't see it at all," reminisced Hawthorn. "Guess I was born lucky that way,"

He hoped to do some air racing one day, he said, but he didn't know anything about it at the time. The idea just appealed to him. Motor racing was always the consuming passion of his life, because his childhood was filled with race track impressions; his father being an automotive engineer and racing driver in the golden days of Brooklands.

Hawthorn's private transport was a Jaguar 2.3 which he has "modded" up to series production racing standards. "I can't think of any other car which can meet my needs as well," he explained. "It is good value for money it goes extremely fast. It corners quite well, and there is plenty of room, what more could you want?"

Discussing who would be the next world champion, Hawthorn tipped Phil Hill "Stirling moss is the best driver racing today," he said, "but I think a combination of Phil Hill and Ferrari will do it,"

As I prepared to leave, Mike apologised for being so busy, shook hands, flashed a cheerful grin and dashed away to a business appointment. He was still wearing a sports jacket.

As a nod to the business career ahead of him however, the wonder boy of the track had relinquished his characteristic bowtie for a more conservative and business-like neck-wear. This I took to be the first sign of Mike's "knuckling down" to the job ahead.

[dicenote]

DN Fic Recs!!

Aight, I think the Death Note fandom could use some positivity. And I wanna be positive :D! So here is a list of fics with reviews, aka a thinly-veiled excuse to wildly ramble about brilliant fics made by incredibly talented people. A lot of these works inspire me, so I want to share them with others! If these fics sound interesting to you, I highly recommend that you check them out and give the authors lots of love :D

Anyway, here we go!

Fallout by Zaney HacknSlash Rating: M (FFN) Ships: (Not the main focus) eventual Matsu x Sayu, eventual Ide x OC, background Aizawa x Eriko, (kinda) Mogi x Misa

Dude. Duuuuude. If you want to see an action-packed, angst-filled joyride of a fic featuring the Task Force after Kira, this is it. This is a 10 year old rewrite of the original version of the fic, but it has a lot of the old fandom charm left over from the 2008 original. The plot is centered on the guilt Matsuda feels after shooting Light, and what he has to do when a mysterious enemy forces him to confront that guilt.

I like how the author gives us insight into every major character in the story. The flipping perspectives keep the story grounded in some places, but make it chaotic when it needs to be. Most importantly, I like how we see, inside and out, how tight-knit the Task Force has become after everything they've gone through. I also enjoy how each of the Task Force members have their own dilemmas and struggles that pay off by the end, all to do with loyalty. Overall, Fallout is an epic story with action, suspense, and plenty of original characters that don't overstay their welcome.

True Successor by @mapsareforbraindeads Rating: M (AO3) Ships: Beyond x Light, BeyondTsuda

I think this was the first fic that really helped me get the appeal of Beyond Birthday, and that's a feat all on its own. Here, Vari takes the original story of Death Note and flips it on its head with an idea that sounds like "crack treated seriously" on paper: What if L was dead before the events of the story? What if, instead, he were replaced by someone looking to, "realize what [L] could not"?

The portrayal of Beyond's mental state throughout is simply breathtaking. One standout (not-too-spoilery) example happens when Ukita dies as in canon. Vari does an incredible job of showing Beyond's frantic thoughts to the point where this part is actually stressful to read. I really wish I could go into more detail about how Beyond is portrayed, but it's really worth reading for yourself. Like I said, this fic helped me understand why people like B's story so much.

Even if you've never read the LABB book (I haven't yet), True Successor is an utterly fantastic work that you should check out.

Weakness by Airmid Rating: M (AO3) Ship: LawTsuda

I think I've talked about this one before, but it's worth talking about again. I think of this as "the" LawTsuda fanfic for a couple reasons, most notably in that it really makes the pairing work in a setting that's close to canon. I really adore the way Airmid characterizes L and Matsuda in this fic and immediately contrasts them from each other. The events of Weakness take place before L's death in canon, and the story asks some simple questions: What would have happened if L let himself confide in someone before he died? And what if that person was Matsuda?

I've read some of Airmid's other, longer, works, and while I enjoyed Happiness and Until the End, Weakness stands out to me because it feels a lot "tighter", if that makes sense. Using the bells from the anime, we get this very solid through-line of L secretly worrying and preparing for the inevitable... And then Matsuda comes in. This fic in particular continues to be a huge inspiration for a fic I'm writing, especially for the portrayal of Matsuda as equally earnest and impulsive.

Pretty much anything by Tallulah

Okay, I wish I could pick just one to talk about here. From the short and devastating Axioms to the very long and devastating Broken Hallelujahs, all of Tallulah's works—the smutty and the soul-crushing—have intriguing worlds and deep, dark characters. Just make sure you mind the tags before diving in, these ones get dark. As a MatsuIde fan, I've got to give a shout-out to Saviour. It took a while for me to "get" the style of the fic, but in the end I really loved the tone. The way Tallulah depicts the dissociation and trauma of these characters feels incredibly real, and when the fic drops its unique formatting to symbolize the characters "snapping out of it", you feel it. Broken Hallelujahs has a similar vibe, but its story has more fast-paced action. Ooh, and The End of Days is an incredibly solid, more "canon-compliant", work featuring Aizawa x Ide x Matsuda, a guilty pleasure ship for me.

Twisted Fate by TwilightMaster15 Rating: M (AO3) Ships: None tagged so far, background LawLight

If you've been in the DN fanfic scene, I'm sure you've seen (or maybe read) a "What if L was Kira?" fic. Well, here's a new one. What if Aizawa was Kira?

This is another fic that takes what could be a "crack" scenario and executes it super super well. Rather than getting a childish Kira who calls himself "God of the New World", we have Aizawa, who has become disillusioned by the justice system he works in. The fic does a really good job in setting up Aizawa's relationships, good and bad, with the other characters, as well as showing the very different choices Aizawa!Kira makes versus Canon!Light. Speaking of Light, his motivations and role in the story are very well-done. His inclusion feels incredibly natural, and I can't wait to see what he and L do next.

Kira's Guide to the Munchies by @palant1r Rating: T (AO3) Ship: MatsuLight

I've gotta end this list with a funny one, alright? This fic is an absolutely delightful treat. It's like digging into a nice, warm brownie... Oh, wait.

See, Palant1r doesn't just characterize Matsuda and Light, more like dissects these characters' essences, their weaknesses and fears and flaws, and lays them bare for the reader to see. And yes, this is also true for when Matsuda and Light are tripping fucking balls. This fic is so very silly, but we also get to see the way these characters think, even if their faculties are hindered by quite a bit of weed. A character study wrapped in a goofy concept, Kira's Guide to the Munchies is a ride that you just have to read to believe. Seriously. I was thinking about quoting lines here, but it works better when you don't know what's coming next.

[baeleigh]

This has bugged me for a while but before i get into it i want to say up front that all kinds of representation for all kinds of people is incredibly important, this is just my opinion through my lense of my personal experience being trans and consuming trans content. I hope that would be common sense but i know if i dont write this someones going to get pissy with me for god knows what.

With that out of the way,

I have been trying to hunt out and consume as much trans media as i can (at least in genres and forms that i tend to enjoy reading/viewing) and one thing i see to an insane degree is trans women being portreyed with predominantly masculine features or even being played by cis men in drag. On one hand i think "hey ill take what i can get" but on the other i think thats a fucking low bar. Now i know that there is a significant portion of trans women with fairly masculine features, and i cannot stress this enough that there is nothing wrong with that, everyone is different, everyone transitions diferently and the end goals for everyone varies wildly.

My issue is that while i love that there is more trans rep in general the fact that most characters ive seen are portreyed in a very masculine way (especially if a character is explicitly stated as being on hrt/medically transitioning for years) it sometimes rough to consume as someone who places a lot of importance on myself passing. When most forms of representation portray who you are as the physical flaws that have tormented you for 20+ years it hurts. I dont want there to be less of these portrayals at all, i just want more rep closer to my experience.

While comics and art i push past because i want to enjoy the stories included, i cant say the same about movies. It irks me how almost anytime i hear about a movie with a predominant/main trans fem character its played by a cis male actor; i get they can do it well, ive heared people complement some performances greatly, but i mean... could they not hire a trans actress? I know theyre around ive seen them on screen, hire them. The disinterest i feel when i see that a famous cis male actor is portraying a trans woman is palpable. Hire more trans actors.

Now im sure theyre are plenty of examples of what im looking for, god i hope so. Hopefully ive just been unlucky in my search.

I would like to add that one of my fave examples of rep i feel resonates with me and the one that came to my head first is Olive from "My Dragon Girlfriend" by Fawndoo on webtoons, i freaking love her. Plz show it some love ❤️

https://www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/my-dragon-girlfriend/list?title_no=162918

Im aware that my post talks pretty much exclusively about trans fem rep and theres a reason for that: i am a trans woman and a massive dyke who prodiminanly devours lesbian romance fiction so honesly i have no leg to stand on as i have little to no idea what the rep is for trans men & enbys.

Anyway thats my personal experience with trans media. goodnight, sleep tight

[noblechaton]

humbly introducing Norette!

my first ever OC/sona! (drawn here by the ever lovely @sidsinning). I've had a lot of fun creating her and even have a lil writeup for her that I'll post down below for anyone that might be curious about her. she's a lotta me but unique in her own ways too

Age: 27 Height: 5'6 Sexuality: Bi/Pan/Omni (she's into anyone and anything) Eyes: Brown

A sleepless creative with more dreams than ability, Norette has a plethora of niche interests, a penchant for short capes and spicy sushi - as long as it doesn't have vegetables in it - and a knack for talking her way out of - or into - almost anything. She loves to cook, she could have been a foodie in another life, and daydreams often, most comfortable beneath a robe two sizes too large and zoned out into her own little world amid online conversations with her various friends.

She loves accessorizing, from rings to necklaces to hats. She can sometimes be found wearing glasses, though it's uncertain as to whether or not they're purely an aesthetic choice or something she actually needs (she definitely needs them, even if she forgets them far more often than she'd like). Her wardrobe is quite plain with graphic tees and sleepwear aplenty for the most part, though she's often found wearing what's effectively her signature jacket - one modeled off one of her favorite games - and a typical pair of dark jeans, themselves one of the few pairs she owns because, as is frequently said by her, "I ain't paying that much for pants"

A collector of figures, toys and knickknacks of all sorts, Norette's hobbies range from pretty common to more niche and lowkey. She loves model kits, plays plenty of video games both new and old, and secretly likes collecting hats - from proper headwear to the novelty sort. She's also something of a TV and movie buff, with filmmaking being something of her first calling - writing just got its hooks in her a little sooner and just a bit deeper. She feels her talent with a digital pen (don't ask about her proper handwriting) varies wildly, but she does truly adore the written word - though it doesn't seem to always love her, despite what some close may say.

Norette's a friendly girl, one that's as genuine as she can be, who loves to help wherever she can and chooses to believe the best in people first and foremost, whenever she can at least, with an ear always open for anyone who needs someone to listen. She'll sit with someone in need as long as they need it, do whatever she can to help - though she's often limited in one way or another, and often frustrated by that fact. She tries to be as good natured as she can be, though, even if sometimes her quietly playful attitude might be a bit much - which something she does try and keep an eye on, too.

Norette herself, by contrast, is slow to truly open up and very much reserved, even if she's got a habit for oversharing when someone shows interest. She's shy and tends to dodge the more personal topics, in regards to herself. You could sit with her for hours and not really learn too much about her. She's more likely to make some quick and quiet joke, with a habit for dry sarcasm and deliberately aloof commentary, than she is to engage with someone outright - at least until she knows the person. Generally slow to trust, Norette's affection is often best earned through a mix of venting and comedy. And though her circle of friends can be considered a good bit expansive, Norette does often find herself lonely due to various factors - the least of which is her horrendous sleep schedule.

Loyal to a fault and fiercely defensive of those she holds most dear, Norette holds those she considers close friends in high regard. Even on the surface, she tries to remain friendly and kind to any who happen to come to her. It may be difficult at times to break through her outer shell or to approach her in general, some have considered her intimidating for some reasons she never understood, but it's hard for someone to truly leave her once they have - even if they're already gone, which leads to its own sort of hang-ups.

She's indecisive, fears being alone, worries of driving those away she'd wish to be close with and is often wracked by overthought and anxiety alike. She doubts herself often, though her confidence has taken an upward turn as of late. Her past is shrouded and what she does know is held close to her chest, but she knows hurt - and that's why she always does her best to do no harm, even in cases where it's futile. Norette is trying, and that's what matters.

Little is known about Norette's home life, less is shared about her family outright - though one can assume that she both has one, and perhaps isn't on the best terms with them. For however close some may get to her, whatever past she has is often left largely as a mystery to them - it's a deliberate choice on her end for various reasons, and something that often gives her pause when it comes to her relationships. Some of it is simply things she'd rather not get into, others are things she genuinely doesn't know.

A hopeless romantic, curious yet shy, Norette lives a quietly active life, always finding something to be busy with between her model kits, writing and friends. Sometimes she's stretched too thin, other times she's got so much time on her hands she often simply wastes it at home in her modest apartment, which she shares with her grey and white farm cat she's named Spidey. She likes going out all the same, preferring more casual places like the malls and shopping centers, even bars - though she doesn't drink - to anywhere too quiet, as she likes the hustle and bustle of public life.

And though she's often timid and wary of the world around her, she's always keen to make a friend

[bigblueoctoling]

One of the things that irks me the most about the splatoon fandom is when people notice a trend among multiple characters, and then proceed to treat this trend like it's a rule they need to follow when designing characters and that not following this rule is thus bad design.

I specifically bring this up because I see a common complaint from people who complain about Acht's appearance in Side Order, saying that they look "too human"- Which feels completely fucking insane because they're literally supposed to look humanoid and also they are fucking green how do they look too human compared to people who are not green

But I realized what it was- It's the fact that Acht kind of has a taller-shaped head, as opposed to the commonly-seen oval-shaped heads of most inkfish.

For starters- I absolutely hate this mentality of seeing a design trend breaking the mold as being "incorrect", like they made Acht "too human"- it's just introducing an arbitrary limitation for design variety for absolutely no reason. It's not like Acht looking """more human""" in this way makes them homogeneous- the reason it stands out is because it's unique. I wanna know how on earth that makes it bad aside from just "it's not what I'm used to seeing".

But secondly, I also hate this mentality because people act as though it's inconsistent, when... it literally isn't. This is a huge through-line for all of these little 'rules' people invent about Splatoon's designs.

One of Splatoon's biggest strong suits is how diverse its artstyle is and how wildly varied its designs are. Like, literally from day one, inkfish have been shown not to be physically homogenous.

Like... there has never been consistent rules on how you Need to design a species in splatoon, for the better. It's a part of, at least to me, what gives Splatoon its very accepting sort of identity.

Also just to raise a stink and to provide another example of the splatoon fandom doing this, I hate the whole mentality that all inkfish need to have a number of limbs matching squid/octopi. That was never, like, a canonical thing- it's a cute little coincidence, or at most, a cute little nod, with the designs from splatoon 1, but like. Why does this need to be treated like a rule that needs to be followed? Again, people complain about Acht's design, complaining about their tentacles and saying like oh they shouldn't only have three tentacles that's inconsistent, totally ignoring the fact that this has never been a universal trait among all inkfish- Pearl doesn't, a lot of hairstyles in Splatoon 2 don't follow it, and plenty of splatband designs don't seem to follow it either. But more than that, why the fuck would it matter? What are you, a fucking cop? Oh sorry we can't make a unique hairstyle because of this arbitrary rule we made up, inkfish NEED to have THIS amount of limbs because it's imperative that they have this one completely random arbitrary thing in common with squid and octopi.

This also reminds me of Shiver and Frye, because people were the exact same way about them:

"Shiver's tentacles don't look like octoling tentacles!" "Why are Frye's ears so big!" "Why are Shiver's eye markings so small!" "Why are Frye's teeth so pronounced!"

Literally because they wanted to make unique and interesting character designs? I'm sorry, I wasn't familiar you were the God of the world of Splatoon and that you personally knew every inkling and octoling that ever lived and decided that these two are sins against nature and don't look Correct to you.

Genuinely it's just like the most loathesome behavior. If you hate any splatoon character's design for looking abnormal, you're my fucking enemy.

[shecallsbs]

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑫𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑩𝒊𝒐𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒚

Full Name: Lauren "BS" Dearest (True Demon Name: ???????)

Species: Demon

Age: 24-26 (Can adjust to canon and/or other muses! She always tends to be a couple years older than GF and BF.)

Gender: Cis female

Occupation: Varies wildly- she works plenty of professional level jobs at once, to the point that she's mostly away from home. If you ask her, she'll give you her business card- and say that she can handle most anything you throw at her within 3 to 5 business days.

Alignment: True Neutral

Notable Abilities: "Aura sensing" (Able to detect those nearby and supernatural forces), Teleportation, Soul Transfers. Demon abilities can encompass a wide variety of things, but require valuable energy and focus. (Which can run out!)

She’s also fluent in sign language, and can communicate with muses that are mute for any reason.

Appearance: BS has a neutral olive complexion with no true undertones, brown eyes, and a deep violet hue to her hair. She gets her square facial structure and hair color from her father, Daddy Dearest, and tends to favor him the most- but there are small details like hair texture that can be attributed to her mother's beauty. Even still, she doesn't consider herself to be on the level of attractiveness that her mother is- and uses her own appearance to slip under the radar.

BS has both a human form and a demon form, which she can switch between- although it’s really more of an inconvenience for her to have to switch. Her demon form features prominent horns and a tail, similar to her parents- but with a couple notable variations.

She's slightly above average height, and has her mother's curves here and there- but her outfits tend to flatter her comfortably rather than emphasize anything.

BS’s blood runs black.

Hair: She inherited her mother’s hair texture, and typically keeps her hair braided back; upon entering her demon form, this braid can loosen up or come free entirely! She’ll retain the high ponytail, and the textured bangs.

Attire: Business clothes nearly all the time- whether that’s her usual blazer and slacks, or a venture into the world of business casual. Although not overtly extravagant like her parents come across, she earns plenty of money- and dresses accordingly, classy and simple. She tends to always wear sunglasses, either on her head or over her eyes- it helps to disguise the glowing red eyes should her human disguise ever fail her.

Demeanor: Personality-wise, BS is a rather tired overachiever- her demeanor isn’t flirty or seductive, but more of a casual sort of confidence. She can easily come across as poised and possibly snobbish sometimes, even going as far as seeming cold when she's in court or highly focused- but in nonprofessional settings, her way of speech will grow a bit more casual with her. Despite her being a demon (and a rather powerful one at that), she is capable of caring for and helping people. Though she doesn't believe herself to be a kind person, she'll oftentimes go very far to help someone if she feels it necessary- and with her amount of connections combined with her abilities, it makes helping someone a logical thing to do.

BS is every bit the epitome of an eldest daughter- high achieving, intelligent, and seemingly able to juggle anything while looking out for her younger sister. But muses who are observant might be able to pick up on mannerisms that hint to another part of her; sensitive to criticism, desperate to prove her worth to elders- and her parents- in any way she can.

Significant Fears: Lauren isn’t exempt from fear, despite how cool of a head she seems to have.

Failure, Disappointing her parents/younger sister

Singing/ Singing in front of others

Dogs

Lauren Dearest- affectionately (or not) known as “BS” out of the workplace. One would think that being the eldest daughter of a prominent rockstar demon duo would influence her path. Maybe she’d release her first song at fifteen. Maybe she’d go on tours with her parents until she struck out solo. Maybe she’d even have a carefully plotted- and yet still spontaneous- publicity scandal here and there. Nope. In her own words, BS “doesn’t do singing stuff.” It’s hard to explain, so that’s all there is to it. As a result, she’s not as prominent as her parents, or her younger sister Lizzie- whose weekly escapades with her blue-haired boyfriend are quickly propelling her into the public eye. And so, where BS is not a singer, she is many other things to fill that gap. Her current list of occupations includes lawyer, psychiatrist, pilot, genetic engineer and researcher, neuroscientist, surgeon, robotic engineer, financial manager, lyricist, and publicity manager. She’s currently finishing up her third Master’s, in performance cello. She likes the cello. BS is a doer, and she does many things. Her sister- a girl with auburn hair who shortened “Big Sister” into the nickname that stuck- sometimes wishes she would slow down. BS doesn’t know how to tell her that when she slows down, something changes inside of her. Something she worries she might never be able to change back. She always did excel in most things she could get her hands on. But not all. Despite her eternally busy schedule, she’ll always show up at a moment’s notice to get her sister- and that boyfriend of hers- out of trouble. And if that trouble so happens to be of the freestyle rapping sort, she’ll just wait in the car.

((Note: Because Lauren is an oc related to canon characters, if you'd like your muse to have a predetermined knowledge/relationship to her, I'm always so open to that!! ☺️ If you'd rather your muse have no prior knowledge of her either, that's completely awesome too! 💜))

[adobe-outdesign]

It's probably not the first thing anyone thinks to headcanon but do you have any headcanons for the Pokerus virus and it's effects?

Believe it or not I am 100% the type of person to have thought about this way too much already

Pokerus is a mutualistic virus. When it infects a Pokemon, it causes a few days of mild symptoms (due to the Pokemon's immune system attacking it), then goes dormant in response to the attack.

In its dormant state, the virus absorbs cellular waste in the Pokemon's body and converts it into usable energy, thus making the Pokemon stronger.

Pokerus is like chicken pox—you're immune once you've had it once.

Symptoms in Pokemon can vary wildly depending on the Pokemon's physiology, but typically they include mild fever, coughing, and fatigue.

Symptoms after infection are much less noticeable, but include things like heightened endurance/strength and slight increases in muscle mass (and sometimes size, depending on species).

The problem with Pokerus is that it spreads easily, and unlike Pokemon, humans can have severe reactions to it. It's why people don't just infect every Pokemon with it to make them stronger.

Elderly and immunocompromised Pokemon are also at risk.

Humans can get a Pokerus vaccination, just like you would for the flu.

It is illegal to battle in official tournaments with a Pokemon that has been infected within the last week, in order to keep it from spreading.

With that said, you occasionally end up with that one ignorant person that intentionally spreads it around to other people's Pokemon thinking they're doing them a favor (which isn't necessarily wrong, but once again, poses a risk to weakened Pokemon and people).

Pokemon convert into energy to shrink down and go inside of Pokeballs. In this state, the infection is basically paused until they reassume their matter forms.

Pokerus is mostly spread through physical contact with the infected.

Some scientists believe that Pokerus pandemics have broken out multiple times over the last few thousand years, and they serve a natural biological function, much like some wildfires. These outbreaks are believed to be part of the reason why modern-day Pokemon are so powerful.

Pokemon Centers automatically check for Pokerus the first time you bring a new Pokemon in. Not only can they tell you if your Pokemon has it, but they also can let you know if they're immune already or not.

Some poachers will intentionally spread it around the Pokemon they've obtained to make them stronger, as stronger Pokemon sell for more money on the black market. This sometimes ends up backfiring; some poachers have been caught and arrested because they caught the virus themselves and had to go the hospital.

Rangers will occasionally catch and check wild Pokemon for the virus before releasing them again in order to keep an eye on its spread.

Recommended treatment is to quarantine the infected Pokemon for 3–4 days. Little is needed beyond that, aside from offering them plenty of water and bed rest.

[an-elegant-void]

Prev hit the nail on the head, and I wanted to back up their point with some of my experience being homeschooled k-12 for non-religious reasons and with seemingly a lot of outside teaching. I was homeschooled because of being neurodivergent (though undiagnosed), an early reader, and, honestly, because my mom was suspicious of the school district, though not specifically for Christian fundamentalist reasons. I was in contact with a lot of homeschoolers who fell somewhere on the conservative Christian spectrum, though. My mom administered the vast majority of my education in elementary and middle school, but in high school, I had almost entirely outside teachers. Some of them were teachers in (Christian) homeschool co-ops who varied in their levels of religious performance and qualification. Some were teachers from community colleges, community centers, and other independent nonreligious organizations who I had online and in-person classes with. With the help of a scholarship that paid for my high school costs, I was able to take more of these independent classes across a range of subjects, and my parents encouraged me to go deeply into subjects that I was interested in. The scholarship also gave me my own personal laptop, which, combined with my unfettered home internet access and the fact that I understood computers better than my parents, meant that I had plenty of opportunity to experience the world without parental supervision and be exposed to new ideas.

Right?

To some extent, this was true. I made friends through classes and the summer camps my scholarship paid for that did introduce me to new ideas. I was an active member of deviantArt, interacting with people of wildly different ages and backgrounds. But I also lived with my parents in a rural area, and even with my in-person classes, the amount of time I got to spend A) without parental interaction and B) interacting with the same people (especially in person) to form friendships was shockingly low. Like prev mentioned, co-ops and social events were usually a few hours at a time for a couple days a week at best. I may have been unsheltered, and frequently unsupervised, but I was definitely still in an isolated bubble, with parents that also happened to be emotionally abusive (I don't think all these factors aligning was a coincidence, but I don't want to suggest that all homeschool parents are somehow inherently abusive). The little bits of connection and freedom I carved out were not enough to counteract the reality of my situation, having constantly been around my parents for years on end.

Homeschooling gave me a lot of academic access—with my scholarship, particularly—but having the "opportunity to develop and learn away from the biases, judgments, opinions, and social pressure of [my] parent looming over [me]" would have been life-changing. It wouldn't have made my home life less bad, but it almost certainly would have made it easier to transition to independent adulthood. And I probably would have had more in-person friendships to boot.

As a side note, it's also frustrating to be homeschooled and have even the adults you interact with barely understand what that means. I would be very defensive about the "unsocialized homeschooler" stereotype, because it tended to be blown out of proportion - it wasn't that I didn't interact with other kids and couldn't fathom social etiquette, it was that my many in-person social opportunities gave me such a narrow slice of people to interact with and rarely let me truly step outside my parents' sphere of influence. In my experience, prev is so right about homeschool parents acting like "the fact that their child is uncomfortable around their peers and lacks the skills and shared culture that would help them connect makes them quirkier, smarter, and better than the average child". They might not say it to other people, but my parents certainly told me that, even while expecting me to be able to make friends with people easily.

"the public education system is intently evil and all teachers are abusive because it was the worst experience ever for me personally"

guys, look, I'm legitimately sorry that happened to you. that's fucked up. it shouldn't have happened, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen again to you or anyone else. I'm sorry.

public school was hard for me too, at times, and I'm still suffering the consequences for the harsh grading, the arbitrary deadlines, the hours of completely useless-to-me homework. I could name a few teachers who have been pretty fucking terrible. the fact that nobody considered getting me evaluated for ADHD has had an impact on my self image and academic success that I can't erase.

and also.

I grew up in an area where education, in particular, is incredibly progressive-leaning. educators are working really hard to create and try out education philosophies and practices that prioritize kids and their learning, rather than teachers and what they think kids should learn.

My sex ed was comprehensive, and came entirely from school. My gay sixth grade teacher taught me about HIV/AIDs in a useful, accurate way. In high school, I learned about the way orgasms work & I was prepared not to feel shame for normal stuff.

I learned that Communism was not what the USSR actually practiced, and what it really means. I learned about atrocities and, specifically, the genocide of indigenous people committed in/by the US. I learned about the military industrial complex, the school-to-prison pipeline, and I learned about manifestations of racism specific to my local area. I learned about Stonewall, and the intersection of the civil rights movement with gay rights and disability justice.

My creative writing teacher taught us about LSD, and the real reasons we shouldn't do it, after a hilariously ineffective assembly run by some local cops. He spoke gently, carefully, and emphatically about his friends and his own experiences. Later in the semester, he read us a story he wrote about two gay men finding each other in a deeply homophobic environment.

My sci-fi teacher made me feel safe & seen as a kid with "weird" interests. My US History teacher helped me research and put together a 10-page paper on the modern relevance and mission of Feminism. My government teacher made me feel appreciated for the work I put into the class, and the thought I put into what I said in it, even though he disagreed with a lot of it. My sixth grade teacher bought me books to read with his personal money, whichever ones I asked for. My third grade teacher made me feel safe. My science teacher in middle school made me excited for and passionate about science, and saw and nurtured the effort I put into her class.

A lot of stuff sucks, absolutely. But I am seeing new teaching methods being tried out all the time, and I am watching teachers get really excited when I teach their students about the roots of modern graffiti in US black history & to question property laws, and just...

There's hope. there are so many people doing so much work to make things better. so many people agree with you on what education should be, and are trying so fucking hard to put that into action, and so many public schools- not just teachers, but whole schools and even districts- are really doing that work. so much is getting better.

I had more to say, about necessary childcare and trusted adults and outside contacts and time away from abusive family. But like. Please just sit down and listen to more people on this, and please talk to educators and education professionals about what's really going on in this big huge world of philosophy, science, and practice.

[temporoom]

Analysis of VnC’s main characters clothes’ symbolic

Someone asked me some time ago to make an analysis of VnC’s clothes, and given such a vague task, I replied that I wouldn’t. Yet here I am, a few weeks, tons of documents checked one after another, and a few notes in my schoolbooks corners later, to give you the results of my analysis. Because there is indeed something to say about VnC’s outfits, and given that someone asked me to do it, I will be the one to talk about it with you all. Even if there are probably a good amount of people more capable than me who could have done it.

To start, I want to mention that I will deliberately ignore all historical aspects of the clothing to solely focus on their symbolic. The reason for that choice is due to the lack of historical accuracy in Mochizuki Jun’s work, so instead of trying to pull my hair searching for garments that could vaguely fit what is drawn in the manga, I will simply ignore it altogether. Also because I am not an historian, so I would probably make more mistake than raise points if I ever tried to show the differences. (I want to mention that I did try to search for historical accuracy... hence why I decided I wouldn’t anymore)

Secondly, this post will be about the main four characters (Vanitas, Noé, Dominique, and Jeanne) and their “main” outfit. Any variations, or alternate outfits won’t be analyzed here, but they can be mentioned if needed. 

Finally, this post will contain spoilers for the manga up to whapter 53, if you are not up to date, I would advise you to leave this post aside and take it back once you are. If you are, or if you don’t mind being spoiled, then go ahead.

Now, buckle up, because it’s going to be a long ride.

Before we start, here are a few things to note about how those analysis will be structured, as well as some things to remember when reading them:

Introduction: Just a few lines to remind you of some of the character’s traits which could influence this analysis, as well as give you a taste of what I will explain.

Base color: Forget about color theory here, the signification of colors varies wildly from cultures to peoples. Here, in MochiJun’s works, they symbolize an affiliation to a group.

Black and White: Given this story is drawn in black and white, those hues are important to effectively represent a character in this format. In The Case Study of Vanitas, we add another layer to it by adding a symbolic using the Yin and the Yang, a Chinese concept which literally translates to the “dark” and the “light” and serves to demonstrates how two contraries cannot exist without the other (as well as to explain various things about daily life). I will make a clear distinction between “opposing” and “completing” when it comes to those.

Outfit’s Cut: The length of this part will vary from a character to another, it can either reflects their personalities, or references another thing entirely.

Some Details: Optional and depending on characters, it’s usually about small accessories.

Conclusion: A few words to end the character’s clothes analysis and summarizes everything I explained during it.

Now that you have the basis to start this post, let’s get right into it.

Vanitas 

Vanitas is an interesting case since his outfit by itself, and amongst all other characters, puts into light his true character. For someone as mysterious and as secret as him, his look actually gives out a lot about who he truly is. Most of what Jun Mochizuki gave out is presented on a practical standpoint, but I assure you, there is plenty of symbolic behind it.

First, his color palette: blues and black. As expected, the blue is here to represent his affiliation to the Blue Moon Clan and his role as the heir of the Vampire of the Blue Moon’s name and powers. You can also note that he shares his base color with Luna and entire palette with Mikhail.

As for the black: Vanitas represents the Yin, which, funnily enough, is associated with concepts that… overall describes him very well (I will only write here the ones that are worth noting): moon, earth, winter, night, what retracts, the woman, the commoner, mourning, the student, silence, and receiving. I put in bold the obvious, and the rest is going to be explained through this analysis.

If you remember what I explained about what the Yin and Yang are, then you certainly understood why Noé’s color palette works so well with Vanitas: he is the direct completion of his hues (dark coat over white shirt, white coat over black shirt), which makes of Noé Vanitas’ Yang. But also with Jeanne, not as his completion but as his opposite this time (since she doesn’t have black in her outfit). Luna also served as a form of Yang to him by fitting the archetype of the teacher to his student, though they are most certainly more of the Yin type as well.

Now, onto the cut of his outfit, there are two main points about Vanitas’ outfit and one more minor one: the two main ones are about how it directs your eyes and how it protects him from the cold, and the minor one is about how weirdly feminine it is. Because yes, there is some kind of logic behind the outrageous shape of his coat, the gloves with integrated nails, the piercings and the many glorious bows, beyond being extra.

When you see Vanitas’ outfit, your eyes are immediately drawn to one part of his outfit or another: whether it is the kimono sleeves or the balloon shape of his coat, or his long dark gloves with what seems to be claws, or maybe the large bows on either his hips or his chest, or even the amazing jewelry to his ears… The fact is: you are not looking at him in the end, but at his accessories. That is of course on purpose, and since Vanitas is a contradictory being, he will of course make you look at him, so you don’t actually look at him. You will see his coat without seeing the weapons under it, you will see his gloves without noticing the Vampire of the Blue Moon’s mark, you will look at his jewelry without looking at his face… You think you are looking at him, you think you have him figured out, but you aren’t, you only have the façade he wants to show to you. Only by removing all those artifices should you be able to finally stare right back at him.

Since the coat will be our main subject of this analysis (there is a lot to say about this coat), don’t you think it seems rather warm? Vanitas often uses the sleeves to hide his hands in it after all, and it looks rather large and comfortable. We can’t also forget the fact that he always has spats over his legs. We already know, as there is an emphasis on it in the story, that Vanitas can’t stand the cold. He is constantly protecting himself from it by adding layers over layers but doesn’t actually seeks source of warmth in his environment. Remember what I said about Yin? The winter. Vanitas is by nature cold, and so, he naturally attracts and is attracted to people that represent the summer (Noé) and the spring (Jeanne), both aspects of the Yang. (It’s also worth noting that in all of the modern AUs MochiJun has made, Vanitas is always wearing warm clothes such as cardigans and scarfs).

And to finish with the coat, that minor point about Vanitas clothes: they are… weirdly feminine. I mean… We are talking about a coat which basically gives him a silhouette similar to the ideal feminine silhouette of the time and long kimono sleeves which were clearly only worn by women. Without forgetting his long hair, the belt with the bow on his hips (which is either a children garment’s accessory or a woman’s one), the pants which gives an impression of wider hips… I have my doubts about this one, hence why I added it as a “minor” detail… But It really does strike me. Though as I am lacking clear evidence of what it could mean, this remains as only a thing to remember in case it is ever brought up.

To finish this off, I’ll give a reminder about his hourglass earring. Symbol of time, imagery of inevitable end and/or death… It was only natural that someone with a name such as “Vanitas” would have this as an accessory. As for its importance, beyond what I said about its symbolic, it is hard to tell at this point in the story. So let’s simply remember this fact in case it ever needs to be brought up again.

In conclusion: Vanitas’ look is a reflection of himself. A contradictory being, wishing to be seen and yet not uncovered, fearing the cold but preferring to hide behind layers of fabric rather than going close to an actual source of warmth… Only when the artifices are taken away will he finally reveal who he truly is under all of those. Though just like the coat slipping off his shoulder, he already has revealed some of his light to those he gave his trust.

Noé Archiviste

Noé is a difficult case. You see, we learn under the cover of volume 3 that Noé doesn’t buy his clothes himself, instead, his teacher and Dominique do it for him... Because of that, it’s hard to tell who is the one in charge of his appearance: him, or the people who buys his clothes for him? In this analysis, I will mostly consider it as Noé choosing the way he dresses when it comes to the overall look. Though I want you to remember that the small details were most likely chosen by his Teacher and Dominique.

Noé’s color palette is made of purples and white. It demonstrates his affiliation to the Shapeless One as seen through Louis and Dominique’s color palettes which also leans towards some shades of purples for the most part. (And while we don’t have the Teacher’s exact color palette, it is still pretty clear that Louis, Dominique and Noé form their own group amongst vampires). It also serves to place Noé as a neutral figure between the Blue Moon Vampire and the Crimson Vampires, since if you remember, mixing red and blue gives purple.

For his white… As you know, Noé is Vanitas’ Yang’s counterpart. Again, it fits him on numerous points: sun, sky, summer, day, what expends, the man, the noble, marriage and birth, the teacher, the word, and giving. You probably noticed that I didn’t put in bold the words which serves as direct counterpart to Vanitas’. It’s simply because the use of the Yin and the Yang is mostly a loose basis for those character designs, while it can fit perfectly on some points, it can also not fit for others. Without forgetting that some of those symbolics can also be used by other characters.

When it comes to the cut of his outfit, Noé is the most historically accurate character in the entire story for now. Dressed elegantly, but also comfortably (to let him move as he pleases), in contrast to Vanitas, there is no mysteries in his look. Noé’s skin tone and hair color already make him stand out amongst other characters, and given his issues with being Archiviste, it is no wonder he dresses in order to fit in the crowd. While Vanitas direct the eyes towards him to hide himself, Noé makes sure the eyes don’t end up on him. We can also see this as him dressing like a blank canvas, something that has yet to be painted or written.

To end with a detail, I want to talk about Noé’s small mirror on his top hat. Similarly, to Vanitas’ hourglass, this mirror tells a lot about what his role and fate are in the story. We can also note that the Teacher also wears a similar mirror as a brooch but his is broken. As an Archiviste, Noé can see people’s memories by drinking their blood but also feel them as if those were his own. In a way, looking at Noé after he drank someone’s blood is like looking at the reflection of this person in Noé. He is the mirror of people’s feelings. There is most likely a second meaning behind this mirror, just like the hourglass, but at this point in the story, it is hard to tell. So let’s just remember it for future uses just in case.

In conclusion: Noé’s outfit serves to complete Vanitas’ one. By being the neutral and discreet one, he contrasts Vanitas to shine in his own way. There is not much to say about his look because Noé has yet to give out his own mysteries. But do not worry, even if we are merely looking at a reflection for now, soon enough, we shall find out what lies behind the mirror…

Dominique de Sade

If I talk about Noé, I have no other choices but to follow with Dominique. As mentioned above, Dominique is one the people who dresses Noé, so some parts of his outfit end up referencing her, whether it is on purpose or accidentally. She is also one of the most complex character when it comes to her outfit since it gives out many information whether it is about her role in the story or who she is as a person, even more than Vanitas.

Right off the bat, something is striking with Dominique: she has more than one base color. Her current color palette is made of purple, gold, and magenta, with a well-balanced mix of white and black. Why is that? Well, I could argue first that it seems to be a de Sade thing, since her older sister Veronica has a similar color palette (albeit she replaced the magenta with some dark reds), which makes me think it is used as a way to demonstrate how the de Sade are divided by their beliefs and morals yet united by blood and lineage. As such, Dominique wears the purple of her grandfather, the gold of her status as a noble (or it could the de Sade’s base color but for now I mostly think it’s to represent nobility) and finally… the magenta of the Crimson Vampires. (More about this color in Jeanne’s part) I could also suppose it could be used as a way to demonstrate Dominique’s mixed feelings towards herself, and how she feels dissociated with her own being.

Let’s further develop that feeling of dissociation by talking about the hues of her clothes. Dominique is one of the rare characters who mixes both the Yin and the Yang and isn’t catered to only one of the two. But this equal mix of both isn’t natural, since her base was indeed a Yin as you can see from her hair color and her dark clothes in the flashbacks. If you look at what the Yin symbolizes, you can easily link it back to who she is at her core: autumn, what retracts, the woman, the youngest sibling, mourning, and silence. While her association to the Yang is more about what she aspires to be, how she wants others to perceive her: what expends, the man, the noble, the elder sibling, marriage and birth, and the word. Then is her Yang merely a performance compared to her Yin? I don’t think so. I believe both of those parts are inherent parts of who she is, based on the balance of hues in her outfit, as well as what we have been able to witness in the latest chapters. This fusion of the two serves one purpose, one which aligns with what I have said up until now about her color palette: her duality.

After her brother’s death, Dominique acquired Yang traits in order to fill the void left by his absence. If, as twins, we consider that Louis was Dominique’s Yang, then it becomes clear that once he was gone, she ended up with part of herself left incomplete. But unlike Vanitas or Noé who ended up finding someone to complete their Yin and Yang respectively, Dominique overcame this by “acquiring his Yang”. To add to this: if you look at Dominique’s current clothes next to Louis’ clothes, then you’ll notice how they work to complete one another, just like how Vanitas’ and Noé’s garments do. The anime emphasizes this idea of “fusing” even more by giving to Dominique two hues of purple: a desaturated one which represents Louis, and a more saturated one which is supposed to represent herself (you can also notice it in the countdown arts MochiJun made for the anime).

Let’s switch to an entire new subject: the cut of her garments. Dominique’s entire look is a reference to a type of androgynous female characters, more precisely to the protagonist of Versailles no Bara: Oscar. Oscar is a young noble woman who was raised as a man by her father (but kept “the heart of a woman”) and became a royal guard at the Versailles’ court, during the events which would later lead to the French Revolution. MochiJun could have simply want to use this archetype for Dominique, but given the context of Versailles no Bara, I doubt it’s merely a coincidence that Dominique fits Oscar’s description so well. You can also note that Oscar wasn’t just any royal guard, but Marie-Antoinette’s personal bodyguard, the future queen. If you remember my mention of Dominique’s magenta and what it means… I think you won’t have any troubles putting two and two together.

Finally, if we have to talk about the cut of the outfit without talking about what it references, then we have a uniform which gives us an androgynous look. It’s both impersonal and extravagant, something to be expected of someone trying to fit in with the de Sade. I wouldn’t call Dominique’s appearance a façade however, as I do believe Louis’ death helped her to explore both her sexuality and gender through her attempts at imitating him.

In conclusion: Dominique’s outfit is a representation of her duality. She belongs to multiple groups without knowing where to lie her allegiance in yet, and fits both male and female traits through her imitations of her deceased brother, Louis. Dominique is by essence divided within herself and has yet to find out who she truly is or what she truly desires. I personally like to describe her as a “princess dressing as the prince she is waiting for”, since she tries to complete what she lacks by her own means and is still so indecisive. The question is then: Will she find the “prince” who will save her? Or will she leave the tower through her own strength?

Jeanne

We are finally to our last outfit analysis of this post: Jeanne. Who is, as you may already know, an entire reference to Joan of Arc. (Who I will call Jeanne d’Arc because I’m French) It’s kind of important for this analysis, so I’ll a make a quick summary of Jeanne d’Arc’s story in this introduction: during the 15th century, Jeanne d’Arc was a 13-year-old girl living with her family in a small village in France, one day, she heard voices from saints telling her to go the capital, to make the heir of the kingdom of France king, and free the country from the English invasion. She did exactly just that, winning a great battle in Orleans at 17, but was later captured by the English who burnt her alive at the age of 19, in Rouen. She changed the course of the Hundred Years’ War through her actions alone, was canonized in 1920 and became a Saint. Of course, our Jeanne in The Case Study of Vanitas is not the actual Jeanne d’Arc from that time, merely someone sharing her name. But given that she is known as a witch amongst the vampires, and her role as Luca’ chevalier (the heir of the throne), we can definitely see the similarities. But now that this reminder has been said, let’s go back to our clothes’ analysis!

Similarly, to Vanitas and Noé, Jeanne has a straightforward color palette made of magenta and white. As I mentioned in Dominique’s part of the analysis, the magenta is the symbol of the Crimson Vampires. The reason for this color to be the one affiliated to the crimson vampires instead of plain red is because magenta, like cyan and yellow, is one of the primary colors… and the VotBm’s blue is actually closer to a cyan than an actual blue. We are using the primary colors used when creating light here, and not the ones used in painting, hence why you must be slightly confused. Trust me, it makes sense. But in other words: if Vanitas represents the Blue Moon, Jeanne represents his opposite, the Crimson Moon.

As for her white, of course you can expect it to symbolize the Yang, but in Jeanne’s case, it seems slightly more complicated than that. If you look at her Bourreau outfit in her flashbacks, you can see it was entirely black. In that case, her white has nothing to do with Yang, but rather about how she is in a better place now, that she isn’t forced into darkness like she used to. Rather than give her some traits which could symbolize her, it rather shows her progress in life. Though I will still list some of the Yang traits that fits her: sun, spring, day, what expends, the sovereign, the eldest, marriage and birth, the word, and giving. (Some of the words I chose are based on speculations). We can also note that unlike our three other main characters, her outfit is entirely devoid of black, which serves for me to confirm to you that she is not Vanitas’ completion but his opposite.

Finally, for the cut of her outfit: MochiJun seemingly went for a mix between different coats and uniforms over the centuries for this one, the result is that the upper part of her outfit looks weirdly Russian with its closure on the side and the fur alongside the edges (I’ll suppose it was accidental). Though the lower part is clearly meant to serve as a reminder for who is her reference with the armor arts over her legs, as well as the round pattern around the edges of her socks with is reminiscent of edges found in some middle-age clothes.

It also, just like Vanitas’ clothes, looks pretty warm. As for the reasons for such a choice, I still don’t know them. Is it because she is supposed to bring warmth to Vanitas? But then why would she be needing it as well? Or maybe it simply means nothing. In any cases, we should know soon enough.

In conclusion: Jeanne outfit serves to represent her as Vanitas’ opposite. If Vanitas represents the Blue Moon, then Jeanne represents the Crimson Moon. If Vanitas represents the darkness, then she represents the light… But despite having such an opposition, they are not made to complete one another. Though it raises a question, if Jeanne is the Crimson Moon… then who is she really?

Final Thoughts :

This analysis is meant as a base for other analysis and/or theories, as such, most of my speculations were cut in order to allow you to form your own opinion on what I deduced. I could even go further and go on a full rent about the chromatic circle, primary colors (light) and what it could mean for the future of certain characters in VnC. Whether those details and peculiarities in their outfits were intentional or not, we can at least acknowledge how well they fit their character.

I hope you enjoyed your reading of this analysis as much as I suffered making it (4 draft of 7k words each), but the result paid off so well I can only feel pride. If you want to listen to my theories of VnC and colors, or what things I deduced from this analysis, don’t hesitate to go in my askbox, or my curiouscat to ask me anything. Though I warn you I doubt I could make such a complete analysis again before a long time.

Thank you for reading me, and I hope you have a nice day!

[burningdarkfire]

tagged by @saturdaysky​, thank you! always very happy to talk about writing 🤠

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

36 on ao3, with many others left in the past on livejournal or ffnet

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

162k. it’s kind of a shame it doesn’t have the majority of my pre-2011 output as i never ported over my top four or five longest fics. i would’ve loved to see some genuine lifetime totals!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

9 on ao3 (critrole, nier, hetalia, overwatch, trc, voltron, no. 6, star wars, tiger & bunny). if you expand trc to include anything clamp and throw in code geass then that covers everything i’ve ever published, though homestuck is by far the fandom i have the most WIPs for despite never finishing a single one and deserves a shoutout

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

take my hand / take my whole life too: critrole, 9k, how essek and caleb’s relationship evolves through touch

blue sky, warm sun: critrole, 3.5k, six mornings caleb wakes with essek

dark night, bright stars: critrole, 3k, six nights caleb spends with essek

kitty love: star wars, 1.5k, kylo ren forms a bond with hux’s cat millicent

the walls kept tumbling down: critrole, 2k, caleb spontaneously visits essek after a hard day

commentary and further answers are below the cut!

spots 1-3 on the list are gladly accepted, given that i also think they’re some of my best and most broadly-appealing shadowgast. kitty love gets its spot despite being pure, pointless crack because it’s for a huge fandom, which is fine and fun but i don’t have a lot of personal attachment to it

the walls kept tumbling down is a surprise! it was a self-indulgent “i want a fic exactly like this to fix my mood and instead of digging through the internet for one i’ll just make one up” that i only worked on for a couple of days. i’m glad it clicked for other people!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i always try to respond to comments, although sometimes a week or two pass by before i can find the energy to sit down and do it

admittedly comments have gone unanswered during months or years when i’m not writing fic and then it feels too awkward to a) go back and respond, and b) respond to any further comments on the fic even if they come in when i’m active. so instead those comments haunt my ao3 inbox forever (oops)

i do appreciate every single one though, and there are some comments that i go back to read if i need a pick-me-up just because they were so nice 😊

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’ll link my no. 6 fic forgive me because it still dominates my top fics in terms of hits despite being 387 words long. i wrote it in 2011 in less than half an hour, if i’m remembering correctly, and there are a few clever bits in it that i’m still quite proud of

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t usually write or read “pure” crossovers but i do like fusion AUs where characters from one work are imported into the setting of another work

but it’s fandom-dependent. critrole has been an outlier in that i can count on one hand the number of AU fics i’ve read and liked enough to remember. some of my favourite canon-adjacent fics veer off wildly, but they’ve still got their roots in the universe

i’ve published 17 critrole fics myself and they’re all canon-adjacent. i’m only now working on my first fusion-type AU 🤷‍♂️

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i have one distinct memory of receiving criticism on a fic. in hindsight, it was constructive and pretty fair, but i was a young teen and so it still haunts me

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do!! and i’m excited about it because it’s fairly new to me!

i write to the characters, and what kind of relationship i think they’d have, but it’s probably true that my interests tend towards certain relationship dynamics

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, actually! this was about about a decade ago so sadly the details have been lost in the haziness of memory and the inaccessibility of ffnet. i tried to dig it up last night but couldn’t find it again 😔

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don’t ... think so? my current roommate and i tried co-writing when we were teenagers but none of that got published. it’s possible i’m forgetting something from my livejournal/early tumblr days because i remember doing a lot of ask games and challenges with other writers and fandom friends

now i’m just an introvert who avoids invites to discords because i feel like i simply Do Not Have Time so 🤡 not sure it’s anywhere on the horizon

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

i used to have shipping walls and pairing lists until 2015 or so but i have since accepted that i am changeable like the wind. my interests come and go!

i am a multi-shipper though as a general rule. i’ve never had such a loyalty to a pairing that it would bother me to pair one half with someone else, and i also don’t care at all whether or not a ship is canon. it’s just about what’s interesting!

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i’ve had remarkably sequential focus for my critrole fics and finished nearly every idea i’ve had so far. however, this ACME AU is testing me lol and i’ve spent so much time on it that my list of other ideas to write is only getting longer and longer. nothing is abandoned yet, because not much else has even been started, but i am starting to sweat a little

15) What are your writing strengths?

i love my writing style! i value simplicity and clarity: no flowery descriptions, easy words, few similes, little variance in sentence structures, etc. it can vary, based on my mood or the characters i’m writing, but i like doing more with less

i’ve spent years working at my own style and it is so satisfying to read something i wrote in 2011 and feel how familiar it still is while being able to pick out what i would change

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

recently, it’s been plot. if it can’t be conveyed by 2-4 characters talking to each other then i don’t know how to do it anymore 😭 i’m most invested in emotional resolutions, but it’s probably a good idea to have things happen sometimes!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i really do not enjoy this when it’s used as a “character quirk”. this includes nicknames, common phrases even if they are spoken that way in canon, and .. everything, really, that’s in a different language

i’ve spent a lot of time in spaces where it seemed widely agreed that doing so was not welcome, and i’ve had considerable fandom “culture shock” reading critrole fics. there are plenty of reasons to have caleb speaking “zemnian” or to emphasize his accent, and those reasons don’t need to be lofty or deep, but i do think there should be a reason beyond “haha this guy says ja instead of yeah”

i promise, absolutely pinky swear, that i don’t judge anyone on an individual basis for doing this. it seems to be a deep-seated fandom trend in this case and i just wish it wasn’t

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

tsubasa reservoir chronicle (trc) all the way back in 2010. tsubasa, my beloved, how you changed my life 💕

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

i like different ones for different reasons, but the top contender might be such is the endlessness for nier automata. it’s a vampire/werewolf enemies-to-lovers fusion AU where i put 2b and 9s in an original universe of mine that i wrote about a lot when i was a teenager

i feel like i did a spectacular job of adapting the universe for nier and i thought i conveyed a lot about the world in a relatively short number of words (the entire fic is just under 5k). i’ve considered more than once that i should use this version of the universe going forward because i enjoy it so much!

-

thanks again for the tag, sky, and i’ll leave this open to anyone else who wants to try as i think most of my mutuals have already been included. don’t be shy about tagging me in your answer if you take my open invite as i love reading these! 💖

[prairiesongserial]

The path of the circus caravan hadn’t made much sense to John; there didn’t appear to be much rhyme or reason to it. They’d been heading vaguely northwest since the incident in Kill Devil Hills, but this morning the lead truck had suddenly turned from the main road in order to cut due west. This new road was in bad shape, bad enough that John was surprised the circus had taken this route. The trucks were fine going over the wide cracks and potholes, but the caravan cars hitched to them clattered like fragile toys in a rough hand. 

John could hear each pothole coming by the series of discordant noises from the trucks ahead - of crates knocking against each other, but mainly of windchimes. Each caravan car was strung up with multiple chimes of all different sizes, and what was already an annoying sound on a normal day was now painfully loud, and nearly constant.

“Wish it was dark,” came a muttered voice right next to John’s ear.

John winced and jerked his head away. Johannes was sitting next to John, in his armchair tied down among the boxes. Johannes had slumped down in his chair in a way that John considered dramatic, which was why his voice had been so close.

Johannes was clearly baiting John into asking why; John decided not to give him the satisfaction. He wedged himself deeper into the corner. He could see Ezra, who was driving, in the side mirror. Cody was up front with him, but on the other side. John couldn’t see him.

John was trying not to worry about it. He wasn’t used to worrying anymore, which made the gnawing feeling in his stomach sharper. Weeks with the circus had made John feel easier about his and Cody’s place here. He liked learning about how the trucks worked and what those machines needed to sustain themselves, and so he nearly always spent part of the day as Enis’s assistant, while Cody did other things. Like cows set out to graze, the two of them wandered where they would, knowing they were in familiar pastures.

This morning, in the bustle of getting ready to depart camp, Ezra had picked Cody to sit up front, at least until the circus breaked for lunch. The reason was probably something innocent; maybe Ezra worried the circus would devolve into mayhem if left to choose among themselves who would sit in the relatively comfortable cab of the truck. Still, the exchange didn’t sit well with John. He didn’t like when he couldn’t reunite himself with Cody by the power of his own feet. Even if the distance was as small as that between the bed and cab of the same truck.

Next to him, Johannes sighed. There were plenty of other people in the truck bed who could ask him what was wrong - Val included. John was surprised he didn’t. Val often found a reason to be nearby the ringmaster. They were friends, John supposed. One afternoon in Kill Devil Hills had sealed it. 

Instead, Val was sitting on a bag of sugar, staring into the distance, not paying attention to anything. John watched as Val winced, suddenly, rubbing his eyes. A second later, he did it again.

“Ow,” he hissed. “What is that?”

John saw Johannes shift from despondent melodramatics to full attention. He looked first at Val, then sprang up from his armchair, nearly toppling out of the truck entirely as the wheel took a pothole at full speed. Johannes stared down the road, hands gripping the ledge. He was practically on top of John.

“This works better when it’s dark,” he hollered.

He got a response this time - from Ezra in the driver’s seat.

“Good, you saw,” Ezra yelled over the wind. “I thought you might have been asleep back there.”

Johannes tsked. He left off leaning over the side of the truck, nudging crates and circus members alike out of his way as he made room for himself where John had been sitting seconds ago. Once there, he pulled a red paper carton out of his pants pocket. This first carton was one of several - of varying sizes and colors, but all tightly creased into an interesting pyramid shape - that Johannes laid out on the truck bed in front of him. 

John followed Johannes’s line of sight, interested now. Johannes craned his neck to watch the road in front of them. No, not the road, John realized. He saw now what Val must have seen a few seconds ago: a series of flashes of reflected sunlight in the driver’s side mirror of one of the trucks ahead.

Johannes chuckled to himself as soon as the flashing stopped.

“That is not good,” he said, still laughing.

“What’s not good?” said Val. He no longer sat on his bag of sugar, but hunched low - following the lead of the circus members in the truck with them.

“Don’t worry yourself, ketsele,” Johannes said. He smiled crookedly, and John noted the change in Johannes’s tone and body language. The shift from Johannes the person to Johannes the performer was subtle, and John was never sure which was which: only that Johannes could fluidly move between the two, and the truth of the man was obscured more often than not.

Suddenly their truck passed out of the open air and into shade, as the hills turned all at once into forest.

The trees weren’t dense, but left gaps, allowing John to see some distance through them. Despite that, John wasn’t sure what he was seeing. There was a strange movement, not like an animal disturbing the underbrush, but like the ground itself was shifting, the earth rising and falling like hurried breathing. The trucks ahead had slowed to a crawl, and by necessity, so did the one John rode in. The windchimes fell quiet. In the absence of that sound, John could hear the landscape. It sounded like torrential rain, despite the sunny sky.

John heard the strike of a match amid the sound of the nonexistent downpour, then his attention was pulled away to the windchimes. A circus member he didn’t know leaned way out of the truck bed, even as the truck kept moving, with a balance that John found uncanny. She swung wildly with a baton, bashing it against the wind chime that hung on the caravan hitched behind them. Judging by the way the sound seemed to echo twenty times over, the other trucks were doing the same.

John’s ears rang as a shriek cut through the air. The scream didn’t stop. It wasn’t an animal sound, nor mutie. It continued for minutes, without needing breath. John covered his ears.

He gained some idea of what was happening, as Johannes lit the paper wick on the end of one of the paper pyramids and lobbed it into the trees. The scream had a sister, now, even as the first firecracker petered out.

“You can’t even see them,” Johannes complained loudly.

All the same, the firecrackers seemed to be working. The shifting ground in the near distance was not, after all, the hills moving like waves in a lake. It was bodies, thousands of them moving in the trees. The oppressive, torrential sound was their running and talking, in whatever mutie tongue they used.

John had not imagined that there could be this many muties in the world. In the truck bed next to him, Val looked pale, his eyes unfocused.

Johannes lit another one of the screaming firecrackers. This one was bigger than the others, and looked heavier in his palm. When it exploded, it was so loud it shook the nearest trees.

John gripped a fistful of the sleeve of Val’s shirt. He wasn’t sure when he’d done that. In the moments following that booming sound, John couldn’t hear anything, although he could see the baton continuing to strike the wind chime. 

“Alright, they’re heading off,” Johannes said. “They’ve got some nerve, lately.”

John kept his eyes fixed on the swarm of muties. It was hard to track their movement, in the shadows of the trees, and even harder when they packed so closely together that he couldn’t tell mutie from the ground they walked on.

The truck started to speed up. John lost track of what was said, although everyone in the truck bed was talking at once. Once his ears stopped ringing, he began to grasp part of the conversation.

“They push farther west every year,” the woman who had dangled herself out of the truck to beat the wind chime complained. “Have they ever been this close to the mountains?”

Johannes answered with an exaggerated shrug. “Whatever they do, it’s fine by me so long as they keep falling for the same shtick.”

“What are you talking about?” said Val.

Johannes was returning the remaining firecrackers to various pockets on his person.

“We’re skirting the southern border of Virginia, have been for the past day,” Johannes said, as if that was explanation enough.

“They’re not from the east coast. Guess they wouldn’t have reason to know,” said the woman. She had deep violet hair, so purple it was almost black, and an extra finger on her left hand. John would probably hear her name eventually. “Virginia is almost all mutie waste. You can’t travel straight through. You have to hug the borders, ‘til you get far enough north.”

“Indeed, you do,” Johannes said with another dramatic sigh. “And it is terribly inconvenient, trying not to be eaten alive.”

“You don’t know that they’d...” Val started, pouting.

“I don’t know, and I don’t care to find out,” Johannes said. “As far as I’m concerned, this is their land, and I’m going to stay out of their way.”

Val cocked an eyebrow at him. It was an unusual thing to say.

“The firecrackers are all for show,” Johannes said, waving his hand dismissively. “They show us their numbers, I show them loud noises, we mutually decide not to make tsuris, and we go on our way.”

“You trick them,” John said. He hadn’t intended to join the conversation, but now Johannes’s eyes slid from Val to him.

“I guess I do,” Johannes said easily.

Johannes reclaimed his seat on the armchair. There were no more muties in the woods, not that John could see.

“A couple dozen of us, a few hundred of them...not good odds, all things being equal,” Johannes continued. “The way to get by is to bluff and cross your fingers.”

He held John’s gaze, daring him to disagree. John wasn’t interested in the contest, and looked away. The trees whipped by on either side of the truck.

“Nobody gets hurt,” Val muttered, though maybe only loudly enough for John to hear. If Johannes heard him, he didn’t respond.

The caravan continued for a little more than an hour before the lead truck called a halt. John wondered who was making these decisions, when Johannes and Ezra were both back here, in the middle of the caravan train. He soon found out, when Abernathy, the red-haired burlesque dancer with the eye-patch, trotted back to talk to Ezra through the driver’s window. Enis was a few paces behind her, hands plunged in his pockets. He gave John a friendly wink.

“Fair enough,” Ezra replied to a question John hadn’t heard. “We’ll break for lunch and Johannes will drive the lead.”

Johannes stood up from his chair, suddenly full of energy. He stretched, bracing his leg against the cab of the truck and bending forward so his forehead touched his knee. Slowly, he released the position and stretched his other leg the same way.

Lunch was black bread that tasted like it had molasses in it, soft cheese that smelled like chives, and a tin of anchovies to be shared between two people. Cody left the cab to eat with John in the back of the truck.

“I don’t think I like this,” Cody said, wrinkling his nose as he forced one of the little fish down.

John grimaced at him, making Cody laugh.

Friday hadn’t come to find them yet, John noticed. She had decided to ride with some of the burlesque performers. Her not being here forced Val to share his lunch with someone else, and Johannes had eagerly volunteered himself, despite Val insisting that he really didn’t need any canned fish.

“We should get a move on,” Ezra said, sitting above them on the ledge of the truck bed.

“That’s our cue,” Johannes said. He stuffed the rest of his bread in his mouth. “You coming, Val?”

“I’m taking the passenger’s side,” Ezra said, before Val could answer. He took a big bite of bread. “To discuss business.”

“Dershtikt zolstu veren,” Johannes said, glaring, before Ezra cut him off.

“Gey strashe di gens,” Ezra said with a cold smile. “Come on, let’s go.”

Johannes hopped down over the side of the truck bed, landing hard.

“Kelev,” he said, though with less anger in his voice.

“Ketsele,” Ezra returned.

John wondered at the change on Johannes’s face. Ezra’s expression remained cool as he hopped down to join Johannes.

“You okay?” said Cody.

Gradually, John’s attention returned to him. Cody was licking cheese off his fingers, his eyes big and intent on John. He seemed to know that John’s attention was split, each sound dragging him away from one conversation and onto the next, never getting the full experience of any of them. His ears still didn’t feel right after the firecrackers.

“I’m okay.” He said. He paused. Ahead, truck engines were roaring to life. “I want you to sit with me.”

Cody scooted closer, his shoulder roughly colliding with John’s as he joined him in leaning against the ledge. He settled close, hip to hip, his head naturally falling into the crook of John’s neck.

“And?” Cody said.

“Talk to me,” John replied, more quietly, his face feeling hot.

“About what?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

John stopped worrying, for the time being, as Cody began to recount every detail of the conversation he’d had with Ezra, conversation that had ranged from technical talk about music to stories about places the circus had gone, strange towns almost beyond believing.

epilogue 12 || 13.2

[bronsonthurman]

An Overwatch Player's Lament

I am writing an Overwatch article for a general audience--as such I am putting a lot of time into making it general interest. But as an Overwatch player who has been here since I pre-ordered Origins edition, I want to chime in while recent announcements are still relevant. If for no other reason so I don’t get sucked into the subreddit. Overwatch has been a bumpy ride.

It came heralded by such slick media that many of us were instantly sold on the characters. The cinematic score is also highly adept, sometimes so tearfully triumphant that I wonder if they aren’t targeting tear ducts with sonic frequencies. At release it was technically strong; the art style allowed them to be near cinematic without weighing down the game, while its net code produced too few hiccups to mention. Such factors disguised the thinness of the actual offerings--a single queue in a single mode was the entire game, with all those fascinating heroes arbitrarily picked from a roster with narrative crushing results.

Since then it has been a roller-coaster of balance changes, new features, major new systems, before even considering the inescapable impact of new maps and heroes. Every few months a major initiative is announced to address problems Blizzard created, unmanageable hero stacks, wildly varying team play, and toxicity, a category into which I will lump not just the reporting and endorsing updates, but also the competitive and arcade expansions. All of these changes stemmed from a need to separate player populations that Blizzard had put into direct conflict: solo run-and-gunners and tactics-strategy gamers. In the future I will explore this conflict in greater detail.

Of all of these, certainly 2:2:2 was the most decisive intervention in this clash. It was a rare concession to the mental game by mechanically requiring the teamwork that the objectives format rewarded with victory. Simultaneously the numerous death match, free-for-all modes random heroes, kept crying to run-and-gunners that it was still their game too. This from a title that is still only considering a ping system for Overwatch 2 and which hides most of it’s communications option behind custom binding and weighs it down with cosmetic emotes, voice-lines, and sprays that are there to reinforce the loot box economy. It is a sad irony that first person shooters, intended for running-and-gunning, values the minimal teamwork required for battle royale more than Overwatch does the maximal teamwork it requires.

Now for Overwatch 2 PVP they have announced 1:2:2, an initiative to reduce the team play by reducing the team and reworking tanks into brawlers. This step feels like a rejection to team players. We have too long been forced into solo strategies for surviving no-team matches, we’ve watched Genji get play of the game for our masterful graviton surge, and have gone unrecognized for game winning plays while Overwatch singles out players for their individual accomplishments.

One of my first impressions was that maybe Overwatch should just be an entertainment franchise. From the Overwatch 2 story trailer I doubt Disney would be any worse--the writing had plenty of trite Hollywood fluff already. Now looking back at the journey, and knowing the actual origins of Overwatch, I can’t help but start to feel a little betrayed. It is widely known Overwatch is the result of a cancelled MMO, the failed Project Titan. In retrospect it seems that under the highly polished exterior, Overwatch was a cobbled together effort to save sunk costs, and it shows in the mechanics. Why its ancestral MMO failed seems obvious; the dev team seems disinterested in the team aspect in particular and pushing the envelope in general. They just shipped a generic game in a gorgeous skin, doing nothing original except leveraging that aesthetic to normalize selling cosmetic loot boxes in a full priced game.

Overwatch feels like the leading edge of a wave of unfortunate game development paradigms. I am beginning to feel ashamed for promoting it, for introducing it to new players. This reinforces my trend away from console gaming. I am now playing far fewer video games in general in favor of game theory and indie development. I will save my money and innovate games myself if I have to. I have lightly prototyped systems that address Overwatch’s issues; unfortunately, I suspect that Blizzard is perfectly capable of solving these issues, but won’t. Ultimately the purse strings will choke off such innovation and the developers in charge are the ones who satisfy the money managers by working within generic game design.

Blizzard is hemorrhaging players and it is easy to see why. I am one of them. Over the last decade the weight of massive profitability has crushed the process of game development--this article concerns Overwatch, and thus Blizzard, but every major player is equally vulnerable to these criticisms of business practice. Add crypto-miners blocking participation in PC gaming, Google and Amazon showing simultaneous ineptness and determination to be part of the problem, and Apple being satisfied with owning the majority of the gaming market with mobile games that you’ve never heard of, it adds up to a rather bleak time for gaming fandom. For me the remaining appeal and possibility of interactive gaming rests in what ever Flash-like 2D sprite based games I can make. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a great AAA gaming experience. I am just not sure anyone makes those anymore. Certainly not expecting to get one from Blizzard.

[cook-n-tell]

Low FODMAP

Soon I’ll be posting a series of recipes that will be specifically Low FODMAP, in addition to the usual dietary tags, but I thought I’d address a few questions that are often asked when the topic is brought forward.

What are FODMAPs?

FODMAPs is an accronym for fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides, and polyols, which are short chain carbohydrates that are poorly absorbed in the small intestine and are prone to absorb water and ferment in the colon causing what is commonly known as irritable bowel syndrome, or IBS.

What foods do you have to avoid?

That comprehensive list is long and plentiful, often leaving you feeling like you’ll be sticking to rice and water for the rest of your life. The main foods you need to look out for are

onions

garlic

most sweeteners

processed meats

lactose

legumes

wheat

rye

barley

pistachios 

cashews

mushrooms

cauliflower

asparagus

apples

apricots

blackberries

cherries

canned fruit

dates

figs

pears

mango

peaches

watermelon

and that’s only the start.

Should I be on a FODMAP diet?

Unless an experienced dietitian has told you to be on the diet, I would not recommend starting to strictly follow the diet of your own free will after self diagnosing with IBS. There are many nutrients and vitamins that you miss out on on a low FODMAP diet, that I have been told to take a series of supplements and probiotics in addition to the diet.

That isn’t to say you can’t use the recipes that say they’re low FODMAP or eat more low FODMAP foods to see how your body reacts, that is more than okay, but please seek professional help before diving into the elimination diet.

What is IBS?

Irritable bowel syndrome is merely a collection of symptoms with wildly varying inconclusive causes including:

abdominal discomfort, or pain in the abdomen

bloating and gas

a feeling that bowel movements are incomplete

an inability to empty the bowels

constipation

diarrhea

indigestion

nausea

Is Low FODMAP right for me?

I have no idea, I am 1000% not the person to be asking about that, please speak to your General Practitioner if you find yourself suffering from the above symptoms.

There are so many other possible underlying causes that may mean that you have to adjust the low FODMAP diet to suit your personal requirements - e.g. I can’t have egg or coconut in addition for various reasons.

-

I am not a licensed medical professional, dietitian, or nutritionist, I am a student who enjoys food and sharing recipes. Please do not take my advice as the word of god.

[astermacguffin]

I sent your very good “Sam and Dean are the Eucharist” post from yesterday (at least it was yesterday for me idk like 12 hours ago) to some spn friends in a discord server and we were talking about it and were curious what denomination you were approaching it from (feel free to just dm me if you don’t want to answer publicly or not answer at all). Thank you for your good good writing!

Thanks for the appreciation! I was personally raised in a Catholic household so that's the angle that I took most from. Although my personal faith has moved away into a more esoteric / occult direction, I still serve our local Catholic churches out of familial and community obligations (plus I live in a predominantly culturally Catholic country, so there's that). This background still inevitably colors my interpretation of texts.

(An important caveat: my take on SPN as a text is NOT an authoritative reading. Interpretations from different denominations, cultures, religions, and ethnicities are always welcome.)

Anyway, I want to be more specific about my cultural/theoretic background for my "Winchesters as the Eucharist" meta, which is Filipino Catholicism, a very specific kind of beast.

If asked to describe it, I would depict it this way:

1. FC is very social. Fiestas and other cultural events in the culturally Catholic areas of the Philippines are almost always tied to celebrations of the church, like the feasts of patron saints.

2. FC is very theatric. Big events in the church calendar are almost always marked by intense ritualisms and theatrics. Such events may vary per locality, but I'm personally a fan of the "falling fireball from the sky" setup we have for Christ's death and resurrection. We also host literal plays during the Christmas Eve mass for Nativity (and Nativity-adjacent) reenactments. This is usually a drama-comedy combo, which is amusing to watch within church walls, being played literally in front of the altar.

3. FC is very localized. By this, I mean that every cultural aspect of FC can wildly differ depending on your locality. (If you're Filipino and you've never heard of the fireball or the church plays, this is probably why.)

4. FC is very material. What I mean by this is that FC embodies the divine in the mundane; divinity is literally right here, amongst all of us. There's a reason why there are plenty of Filipino teleseryes that depict divine presence as something in-the-world that intervenes with our lives (e.g. "May Bukas Pa", "100 Days to Heaven", etc.) as well as why Filipinos have such strong reverence towards religious artifacts and statues (e.g. the Black Nazarene). The objects themselves are NOT what's being worshipped, but instead what they represent, the same way that gazing a photo of your lover does not mean that it is the photo that you revere. These material things are believed to be imbued by divinity, which makes them function as the conduit for spiritual phenomena.

(I have a hypothesis that this is likely because of the animistic/shamanic roots of precolonial Philippines before Spaniard rule and subsequent Christianization of the natives. Witnessing contemporary Filipino folk magic practitioners will always be fascinating to me, especially those who intertwine Catholic lore with naturalist mysticism.)

Point 4 is perhaps the most salient aspect of FC that informed my reading of SPN. Because FC is so materially and bodily felt, it wasn't a far stretch for me to read Sam's blood and Dean's body as functional parallels for the Christ narrative.

(Also, in this particular reading, because Cas functions as our proxy in the narrative, the violence and crimes constantly committed towards him are inadvertently directed to us as well. Absolutely normal show.)