#and the others people who give life in the Series

[starshinedreamer]

Alrighty y'all, grab a chair and get comfy whilst I yap about my son, my pride and joy, the greatest thing to ever happen to me, my D&D OC: Raymond Foxwood. He is a Wood Elf Druid with the Researcher background and a Neutral-Good alignment (Images at the very end).

I haven't figured out what his voice sounds like yet. I'm thinking he may kind of have an accent? But like it's barely there. I do have an idea for a possible Japanese voice claim: Souta from the movie Suzume.

His best friend? I guess it would be my friend's D&D character. Her name is Topaz and she is a Dragonborne. Not besties, but pretty close.

Ooooooo boy, I got a whole playlist my friend and I have been cooking up for this sad little fella. Here's a couple of them that I think describes him best:

-"The Moss" by Cosmo Sheldrake

-"Rom-Com Gone Wrong" by Matt Maltese

-"When She Loved Me" by Sarah McLachlan

-"Home" by Cavetown

-"Valentine" by Laufey

-"Love Like You" by Rebecca Sugar

He's like, dealing with a heavy breakup until "Valentine" when he meets his current partner :)

4. "I do Adore" by Mindy Gledhill

5. Nope! But I actually thought about it when I was first creating his character just to see how he would act with other dynamics.

6. A scientist. More specifically, an ecologist. He loves nature and learning about all there is to know about life and the world. He also likes finding ways to help others, so maybe even a pharmacologist?

8. Writing, researching, reading, gardening, and making little insect and animal models because he is a NERD™ /lh<3

9. He generally takes good care of his physical health. Although, his flaw is "Most people scream when they see a demon. I stop and take notes on its anatomy," soooo. "For science" he says. "It's for the greater good" he says.

10. Well he's trying his best. But sometimes anxiety just surprises you and all of the sudden you're spiraling and things seem much worse than they are and pfffft whaddya meeeeaaaan I'm sorta self projecting? But he is the kind of person who feels bad about asking for help and then sort of holds it all in.

11. Inspirations were taken Link from The Legend of Zelda series (mainly BOTW) and Howl from Howl's Moving Castle for his design. Everything else was based purely on my own self indulgences for a nerdy elf character (and the songs my friend keeps sending my for him).

12. Same response as question 2 :)

13. No not really, but he is fighting against an organization that keeps threatening and trying to burn down the library he works/lives in with the librarian: Amanita (Ama, Anita, or Nita for short). Amanita is the person who raised and took care of Raymond after his family died in a fire. A fire caused by the same organization who's trying to harm them now. This is his main reason for joining a campaign; to get stronger and protect his loved ones.

14. This one flippin poison dragon we fought. Or maybe that's just me because I really didn't want to let them leave alive. I don't think Raymond necessarily hates anyone.

15. That all honestly depends on how the rest this campaign will play out. My friend has told me that they all did die a couple times, and we almost died to the STINKIN DRAGON but that's not important right now. But L O R E wise, he'd probably still do his researcher stuff until he's really old. Then he'll write books and share his stories :)

16. If they were alive, then I could see him having a great relationship with his parents since they were also big nerds like him. His relationship with Amanita is also great, and he really wants to protect her since she has done so much for him.

17. YESSSSSS! He loves sharing his knowledge with others and would do such a great job teaching kids. Ohhhh this is such a good one, yes he would feel bad if he had to leave them.

18. He/Him :>

19. Biromantic Asexual. His love language in giving is Acts of Service, and Quality Time for both giving and receiving.

20. A longbow and rocks. He has a cantrip spell called "Magic Stone" which lets me make a ranged attack by throwing small pebbles or stones. I like to call this spell the "RAYMOND, STONE 'EM" spell because its funnnnyyyy.

21. hmmmmmmmmmm Actually, I'm not sure! I guess maybe "Nothing You Can Take From Me" from The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.

22. Will generally go for the non-violent option (more of a lover), but if initiatives are rolling, he'll fight.

23. Extremely. He'll show up with a new tire to fix the flat one, and an extra one for any future situations.

24. Undecided

25. Not singing out loud, but he would definitely hum to himself! :)

26. Irises, forget-me-nots, and bluebells

27. Symbolism wise, a deer. 'Just because' wise, a rabbit, a fox, and a kitty cat :3

28. The Nerds™ (found at the end of this post:) ).

29. Cozy stuff, lo-fi, books, plants, leather notebooks, and an overall sort of cottage core mixed with academia aesthetic. (Mood Board made in Canva :>)

30. Accepts this as their new life(yippee!). They have now been adopted. Will try to find a way to bring up their interests in conversations.

Fuck it, OC brain rot won. Get ready for the Secret Ask List

1) Does your OC have a voice claim, if so who?

2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends?

3) What song describes your OC?

4) What song describes your OC and their partner/love interest?

5) Do you ship your OC with a Canon character? If so who?

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

7) Vice-Versa! If your OC is in the modern day, what fantasy class would they be? Would they be a different race?

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind?

9) How does your OC handle their physical health? Do they take care of themselves?

10) How does your OC handle their mental health? Do they take care of themselves?

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

12) Does your OC interact with other people's OC? If so, who's their best OC friend?

13) Does your OC have a rival? How did it start?

14) Who's a character your OC cannot stand! It's on sight when they see them!

15) Will your OC ever retire? Do you see them making it?

16) How's their relationship with their parents? Are they alive?

17) If your OC has kids, are they a good parent? Do they ever feel guilty if they have to leave them?

18) What are their pronouns? What would they like to be called?

19) What's their sexuality? What's their love language both giving and receiving?

20) If they fight, what's their weapon of choice?

21) What song best describes their relationship with their enemy?

22) Fight or Flight? Are they a lover or a fighter?

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire?

24) Can they play any instruments? If so, what do they play?

25) Are they the kind of person who can't resist a good song? Can I catch your OC singing to themselves while they do the dishes?

26) What flower do you associate your OC with?

27) What's their spirit tamagotchi? Or an animal you associate them with?

28) What clique would they be in? (Draw them in the clothes of said group!)

29) Imagine a mood board for your OC! What's on it? (Make it if you want!)

30) My OC and your OC are friends. This isn't a question. I'm not asking. (How do they respond?)

[shanastoryteller]

Congrats on finishing See Something Say Something!! I checked the notification of the first AO3 email sent out and you initially planned on five chapters.

Would you say that the ending changed considerably since you started in October? Or has that stayed the same?

thank you!

it stayed the same lol. while my fics getting wildly out of control and becoming way longer than i anticipated is pretty common, i'm pretty much never changing overarching plot when this happens. the story that i become interested in telling is typically the story then i end up telling

almost every story can be made shorter or longer. it's less about what happens and more about how that information is conveyed. things that really tend to affect writing length are perspective and breathing room

the shortest fic i have on ao3 that's not part of a series is You Were (Not) Meant For Me (posted 11 years ago, jesus T_T). the premise is that claudia was a witch who intended trained stiles to be a witch and she arranged his marriage to laura hale, the future hale alpha. this is a traditional pairing as talia's husband was also a witch married to talia in service of the pact. except claudia died before she could train stiles or tell him about the engagement. stiles starts learning magic after scott is turned. derek falls for stiles and feels like he's betraying his sister by loving him, betraying stiles by not being the alpha he deserves and not telling him about the arrangement claudia made, and hates himself the entire time, but not enough to stop himself

that's a 100k fic easy

it's 1,696 words

it's extremely limited perspective (derek's) and it's made up only of limited snapshots of moments with very little context. there's no seeing what's happening, only told, which i think would quickly grow boring if it was longer and if the real point of the story wasn't derek's self hatred and how he fails to deal with it. that's the part of the story that isn't told, really - derek does think explicitly that he hates himself, but we're also seeing it in the way he talks and thinks about himself and the people around him

by contrast we have survival is a talent, which is obviously my longest fic. we're over 500k and we've got quite a bit to go

perspective doesn't just refer to character pov, but audience pov - are you being told a story, or are you experiencing the story? this is also tied into breathing room. there's no wrong way, i've done both and will do both, but one certainly requires more words than the other in my experience

siat is told only through draco and harry's perspective, but it's all happening in real time. the audience is being taken along for this story. the thing is that that things in real life don't all come tumbling one after another, not all questions have immediate answers. when depicting character growth and a plot unfurling, i think it's really important to include breathing room to give the audience time to feel that growth and change. i'm stricter about this with siat than anything else i've written, probably sometimes to its detriment. i want you and the characters to have time to feel the effects of emotional revelations and plot hints. i want you to have the time to question and wonder about things the same way the characters do

one time a friend criticized the good place for including the portion where they were alive again on earth because it wasn't as interesting as being in hell, but i disagree. we needed that breathing room both to live with the effects of character growth of going through hell and to have time for the effects of their actions on the plot to settle before they moved forward again. i stopped watching agents of shield because we weren't given enough breathing room - there was never a chance to see the characters not in crisis, the world was always ending, ect. the alchemyst book series has the first like 3 books taking place over a day and a half. i got tired of it after that. there's no breathing room

a story where i gave up on the concept of breathing room was build your wings on the way down. i liked that fic, but i wanted it finished, and to do it with i think optimal pacing would have made it twice as long as it was. so i said screw it, avalanche time, everything is happening all at once right now. there's very little breathing room there, which i think doesn't work too terribly in part because everything is so urgent and everyone is stressed so not being able to catch you breath sort of fits

See Something Say Something did not need to be 215k, although i'm not at all complaining. i feel very happy with how i told this story. but the basic premise - sam getting his powers early, getting involved in the large hunter world secretly from his family, and dean feeling misplaced and worried about how much sam needs/wants him - could have been told a hundred different ways and all would have pulled it off, so to speak

i considered doing the the entire fic from dean's pov (as a sam girl i love his pov because all he thinks about is sam and he's so insane about it) which would have effectively cut out basically the first five chapters. i thought exploring the slow realization of what's going on purely from dean's pov, with the audience having not insight would have been really interesting, just like what I did in dumb luck or good ghost with dean slowly figuring out that sam didn't die in the crash. another thing is the inclusion of all the side characters which i did to make the world feel rich and real, but we didn't need all these outsider povs to get the basic point across. very rarely is something vital being conveyed by an outsider pov, but it reinforced and adds to the main characters. i also initially didn't have wincest, which obviously added a ton of words. i loved exploring dean's self hatred and fear and sam's obliviousness, but bringing them to a place of ignorance to acceptance to happiness is a lot longer of a journey than just dealing with dean's propriety love as an unhinged co-dependent older brother. again, i'm sticking by all these choices, i made them because i thought it was the best way to the tell the story i was most interesting in telling, but my point is that you didn't need them to tell this particular story

it was also how i told the story. we spend a lot of time wallowing in character's emotions, especially dean's and sam's, but the others as well. part of this fic is convincing you that these two brothers should fuck, actually, and doing that effectively is going to take some time, especially at this point in their lives when things are pretty normal. comparatively, fucking your brother after starting the apocalypse is pretty small potatoes. i wanted you to understand these people, to feel what they were feeling, to not feel that it was inconceivable that jess would be willing to share her boyfriend with his brother, to buy all their relationships with each other in a way that isn't purely based on convenience

part of the reason i wrote dumb luck or good ghost before see something say something was that i felt i needed a firmer grasp on who the characters are before getting into who they were and who they could be - especially john, who i feel is exceptionally difficult to write without over excusing his actions or over villainizing them. the reason john doesn't get a single pov in see something say something is that while he's a motivating and underlying factor in much of the story, the story isn't about him. it's about the effect he has on those around him, and i didn't want to sully the pureness of that effect by introducing his internal dialogue, regardless of how persecutionary or absolving it would be. it's just not about him. it's how he responds to others and how they respond to him in turn

anyway! this is another example of something ending up longer than expected, but yeah. the plot of see something say something didn't change much from posting of the first chapter and my stories rarely do - i have plot points in siat that have been there since i posted the first chapter that are still relevant and happening. "harry and draco just. cut dumbledore's fucking hand off" my beloved

[lillaydee]

Head Over Heels Part 14

Jackson!Joel / Reader

Special Guest Appearance by a Certain FBI Agent who may or may not look a lot like Joel.

You left the loneliness of your home and headed to Jackson with Joel and the teenage girl he was with, hoping your new life would be less lonely. You should've stayed alone.

WARNING:

Non-canon Compliant, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Loneliness, Trauma.

MEGA WARNING: Descriptions of Attempted Sexual Assault.

@copperhalfcent @joelalorian @vickie5446 @peelieblue @nandan11 @liciafonseca @senoratess @denisanoemi @lovefreylove @heartpatch

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 13

---

Joel had been quiet throughout the scout so far. He was always quiet, sure, but Tommy knew his brother enough to know that he was mourning. You had ‘broken up’ with him.

Tommy was going to talk to you when they get back, ask Maria to talk to you. You were being rash, impatient. Tommy noticed your discomfort when you were riding with Benny to get to the forest where Pete laid. Everyone did. You were not well. Not 100%. But Tommy was behind you that day. He could tell from your gait you were in pain. And that was at a slow, walking pace. There was no way you would be able to fully ride for days at a time without facing consequences, permanent ones. Didn’t take a doctor to see that. Maria was acting out of her soft spot for you, not out of logic.

He wouldn’t have minded the extra duty of looking out for you. No one in the crew would. They all loved you, liked you, cared enough about you. Heck, even if you were at 100%, being on these trips would require everyone looking out for each other anyway. It was part of the job. But your condition would have put everyone at risk if anything were to happen, not just you. And as the person in charge of the scouting trip, he couldn’t risk that.

He promised Maria he wouldn’t tell Joel. And he had stuck to that. But as much as he thought his wife to be a wise woman, a great mayor, one who was fair and logical and was never wrong, he couldn’t in good conscience let this happen. So, he repeated your involvement to Hank, who quickly looked concerned. He watched as Hank spoke to Benny that night. Benny then went straight to Will. Tommy pretended not to notice the serious looks they were exchanging, and when Joel came in after his shift, Tommy pretended not to notice Will joining his table, whispered talks between the two of them.

He knew he would be in deep shit when he returned, with you, with Maria, but he couldn’t help it.

He wasn’t willing to lose his brother again.

He had spent years after Sarah’s demise watching his brother walk around like a fucking zombie. Watched as his brother became that cold-hearted soldier who shot his beloved niece without second thought. He saw that night, how Joel turned from a loving and concerned father to a man who had no reason to live, how the light in his eyes just switched off, how stoic he was when they buried Sarah together. The Joel he knew and loved growing up was gone. Buried with his daughter. He had seen Joel’s expressionless face as he cut off people’s fingers, gutted them, bashed their heads in, just to survive another day. He had lost count of the amount of times Joel had pulled him out of almost dying, only to put himself in danger so his little brother would survive.

Even after meeting Tess, and it had become obvious the two were engaging in… extra-curricular activities, Joel remained that man. He watched as Tess slowly fell for him, completely unreciprocated. Any attempts to talk him into giving Tess his heart was met with silence. His heart closed. No more.

And then one day, he came back to the QZ from another trip to Bill and Frank’s, Tommy noticed something shifted in Joel. He looked to be dreamy at times, thinking of something, or someone, but would switch back when he was called out on it. After years of leaving his former life behind, he walked into their shared apartment one day to Joel carving, a hobby he had since he started his career as a builder and carpenter. He gave it up when the outbreak happened, not wanting to be reminded of Sarah hanging over his shoulder whenever he did it at home. Tommy made it a point to scavenge for carving tools to help his brother get into his former hobby again. He received the first smile from Joel since Sarah died when he presented his brother with the set.

Soon, he began to hear stories from Tess about Elena, the lady who lived across the street from Bill and Frank. He watched as his brother pretended not to hear these stories, doing other things as Tess talked. When he asked Joel about this Elena, he could see him fluster, mumbling that he wouldn’t know anything about Elena, he never talked to her. She was Tess’s friend.

And then, Joel began hiding whatever he was working on from him whenever he walked into the room. The piece of wood placed in his pocket, the carving set put away. Tommy found discarded pieces of wood sometimes, the letter E clearly carved, but botched in some ways. And he just knew. He knew his brother was in love. And not with Tess.

Not to mention the fact that the name Elena became a fixture in his mumbled sleep, apart from Sarah.

When the three of you came to Jackson and he met you the first time, he knew you were Elena before he was ever introduced to you. It was hard not to. Joel was looking at you like a lovestruck puppy. But Joel almost bit his head off when he suggested anything more than platonic going on between the two of you. So he left it alone. He tried again when the three of you came back to stay, only to be met with the same attitude. He encouraged Joel to date other people, wanting see if his theory was wrong, that Joel was head over heels in love with you. Joel was always a one woman man, so if he wasn’t in love with you, he would have no problem dating others. He didn’t lie. He told Joel the truth. That men around Jackson had been asking about you but were wary since you came in with Joel. He could see his brother’s jaws clench at that news, a clear sign that he wasn’t happy with the thought that others were interested in you. And even for your ‘benefit’, Joel refused to date others. So Tommy knew he was right.

And then, around the time Jake was born, Joel slowly went back to becoming the man he knew growing up. He was smiling again. Laughing again. Making friends again. All seemed to coincide with the time you were seen together with him a lot.

Before the whole tragedy with Pete happened, Joel was a relaxed man, a man in love, and he was not afraid to show it. Hand always on you, walking you everywhere, fingers laced together, his smiles so big his dimples showed.

You had brought his brother back to life.

When Tommy, Will and Joel got back from patrol that morning, Hank met them at the stable, face white, telling them what had happened. Tommy saw his brother’s dark side return. He, Will and Hank had to physically stop him from going straight to Pete, telling him you needed him. “Go be with her, Joel. She must be scared. Go see her. I will make sure Pete stays where he is. Later, brother. Later.”

The fact that Joel didn’t kill Pete for doing what he did proved to Tommy that he was only refraining himself so that he could stay in Jackson, to be with you. He knew he might get kicked out if he did. And he didn’t want that, he wanted to stay. With you.

And now, you had told Joel it was over. And Joel was quiet. Too quiet. And Tommy didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit.

**********

“Marcus!” you rushed to his side, Benny running off to get the doctor. You hugged him, as gently as you could, feeling glad that you were here to see him wake up, and not on the road somewhere wondering if he was alright.

He was okay. His wound was healing well. He simply needed rest and food, and a lot of physiotherapy. His muscles needed working again, having been bedridden for three weeks. You and the nurses did help him ‘exercise’ during those three weeks, but there was only so much you could do.

You didn’t leave his side at all those first few days. Helping him adjust. You took him for walks around the clinic, waited outside the bathroom as he showered (no, Elena, you are not washing me! I’m awake now!”) got him food, read to him, and slept in the bed next to him come bedtime.

It didn’t take Marcus long to realize you were not speaking to your brothers, sitting on your bed every time they were there. He asked why, that first time you guided him gently out of the clinic, three days after he woke up. You didn’t answer him. You just walked back and forth along the width of the clinic building, ignoring his questions until he decided he was too tired and needed to sit down. You quickly guided him to the bench in front of the clinic and ran inside, getting him some water.

“So… how come you’re here all the time? Don’t you have work?”

“No.”

“How come?”

“Maria won’t let me.”

“Why?”

“My ribs.”

“Ah…”

He was quiet for a beat, taking more sips of water.

“You’re here with me all the time. Even slept here. Joel won’t mind that you’re always here?”

You drew an exasperated breath, rolling your eyes at him.

“What?”

“Why do people keep caring what Joel wants? What Joel needs? What Joel is okay or not okay with? What about me? What about what I want? What I need?”

He didn’t react. Just waited for you to keep talking.

“I was supposed to go on the scouting trip, you know, and Joel just came in and told me nope. You’re not going. So here I am, and there he is in my place. Why? Because I’m a woman? Because I’m his little woman? I kissed him and suddenly he gets to tell me what to do and what not to do? Is that what my life has come to? And you know what’s worse? My brothers. Your friends. They haven’t seen me for 20 years and suddenly decided they have the rights to tell me what to do too? They let him make decisions for me like I’m some porcelain doll that doesn’t have a brain. As if I didn’t survive the outbreak without them? They all treat me like I’m some delicate piece of crystal that might break any time soon. And I do not appreciate it!”

“Who are we mad at today?” Ellie asked, stepping onto the porch of the clinic, a basket of food in her hands. She sat down with Marcus and handed him his Tupperware and a fork.

“Joel, and her brothers,” he told her. She rolled her eyes at him, and he raised his eyebrows at her.

“Sit down and eat Elena, before you faint from ‘hanger’,” she said, shoving your own food in your hands. “So… I heard you broke up with Joel.”

“She did?”

“Uhuh. Yelled at him at the stables.”

Marcus looked at you, “Why the fuck would you do that? Did you really send a man who is head over heels in love with you out into the dangers broken hearted?” There was some worry in his voice, but his face was definitely mocking you.

You huffed, “He’s not in love with me.”

Both of them looked at each other and scoffed. “Yeah, okay, whatever you say. Sure. He’s not.”

“The man ignored me all the time we knew each other. It was a crush. Not love.”

“Elena,” Ellie said, lifting her legs up to sit cross-legged on the bench, “When we first met, I had only known Joel for two days. I knew immediately he was in love with you. Throughout our journey here, every time he looked at you, I could tell.”

“He yelled at me so many times Ellie,” you protested.

“You ever notice the yelling always coincided with you being in danger? He was terrified of losing you, you idiot.”

“I can take care of myself, you know this.”

“Sure, but that won’t stop him worrying. He loves you. He just didn’t want anything bad to happen to you. Look, why did you yell at me every time I came home late? Because you hate me? Or because you love me?”

“That’s different…”

“No… Elena, it’s not…” Marcus said, “He cares about you. Your brothers care about you. They’re not trying to control you, but come on, you can’t even lift your hand up fully. You really think you’re ready to go out there? You could put everyone else in danger if you’re not 100% you know.”

You went quiet. You knew he was right.

“Look, you once told me you envied Bill and Frank for having each other. How you wished you would have someone who was just there for you. And now you do, and you broke up with him because… he wanted you to be safe?” Marcus looked disbelieving. “Why the fuck do you want to go out there anyway? I don’t know about you, but I plan on milking this gunshot wound for all it’s worth. I’m not going out for as long as I can. Why the hell would you choose to put yourself in danger rather than the safety of Jackson?”

“Because Jackson isn’t safe. Not like we thought. Look what happened to me, to you. You got shot because I failed, Marcus! I was so scared the whole three weeks you were out. If you had died…”

“Hey,” he said, pulling your hand so you would sit next to him, side-hugging you. “You didn’t fail, Elena. He didn’t get to you, did he? He was a big guy, heck, I don’t even know if I could get out of hand to hand combat with him unscathed. I don’t think even Joel or Will could. And yet, you’re still here. You fought him off. You defended yourself. You injured him. And me getting shot, that could happen anytime, every single day I’m out on patrol I could’ve gotten shot. Heck, I could’ve gotten shot if the world hadn’t gone to pot. I was an FBI agent, remember? It was bound to happen either way. I knew what could happen and I fought him anyway, this is not your fault.”

There was earnestness in his eyes, he was not saying this to make you feel better. He was being honest. Ellie looked at you the same way, nodding along.

“Look, if what you’re saying is true, then why do they still treat me as if I’m made of glass?” you asked, still angry at the overprotectiveness of the men in your life.

“Oh, Boo Hoo, Elena,” someone said. Esther walked up to you, annoyance clear across her face. “Poor Elena, big hunky men want to protect you. Gorgeous, heroic Joel Miller is so in love with you he wants to put you in a protective bubble so he could keep you safe. How terrible for you. You know what I would give to have a man like that in my life? Someone who loves me so much he would rather go out there in danger so he could make sure you were safe? That man is so in love with you he searches for you in the crowd. You’re all he thinks about he ignored a wagging pussy in his face. And you want to complain he’s too protective of you? Tsk. You don’t deserve him. What he sees in you, I will never understand.”

She left in a huff.

Marcus and Ellie had to turn away from you to hide the smirks on their faces. The dumbfounded look on your face made them want to laugh.

“Just so you know, hypothetically speaking, if I’m not terrified that you would stop speaking to me, I would say ‘oh snap’,” Marcus said, a teasing smile on his face.

“I don’t get it. How does everyone see this but me? He was mean to me, especially on the road. He kept telling me he didn’t want me there, you know this Ellie, you were there.”

“Erm, actually, no… he never said that. You did.”

“What?”

“Yeah… you sort of attack him with his supposed thoughts of you, you know, how you knew he didn’t want you there, don’t worry, you’ll leave soon, you’ll never bother him again, all that… he never said them. You did,” she told you, looking a bit wary to tell you that.

Oh… yeah… you kind of did that…

Yeah… you were a jerk. 

Shit.

The three of you ate in silence after that.

After you helped Marcus to bed that night, you laid down on the bed next to his, trying hard not to let your imagination get the worse of you. They were right. You were too busy thinking of your own insecurities to see that Joel and your brothers were just looking out for you. You spent the entirety of your time in Boston wishing you had someone who was just there for you, and now you have people, a slew of them, all of whom cared so much about you they didn’t want you to get hurt. And what did you do? You pushed them away. How long had you wished Joel would look your way, would love you the way you did him? And now that he did, you got mad at him for caring about you. For wanting you to be safe.

You fucking broke up with him, like some brainless, vapid, dramatic teenage queen.

Fuck. You screwed up. So badly.

“You know, I could’ve come back that day after my surgery,” Marcus’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. You turned to face him, his eyes opened, staring at the ceiling.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was back at the farm. Lily was there. So was Elena, my daughter.” He finally turned his head towards you. “I didn’t want to come back. I wanted to stay with them.”

You didn’t know how to react. There was a huge part of you that went cold in the head at the implication. But there was also another part, albeit small, that understood.

“They wouldn’t let me,” he said, hands playing with his blanket, a forlorn look on his face. “Told me it’s not my time. Literally pushed me out the gate,” he said, laughing a little.

You smiled. “Well, I’m glad they did that.”

“Me too.”

**********

Joel stood watch as the men behind him gathered the stuff they wanted to bring back to Jackson with them. This mall was a great find, a lot of clothing and other basic needs practically untouched. Food was mostly gone or gone bad, but there were some pharmacies and clothing stores that were left alone. Those who passed by mostly looking for food, or did not have the means to pry open the shutters to the shops. There were also a lot of dried out fungus, so that could have played a huge part on why this mall was left alone, not to mention it was rather out of the way. Took three whole days to get here.

They had to consider what they could carry home. They only had two wagons with them. It was important that they could carry as much as they could, while still be able to make quick getaways in case of an attack. Other items that was not an immediate need would be the next trip’s priority. Today, medication and clothing were the priorities.

The pharmacies were the first they explored, medication supply something they desperately needed. So as the men were carefully putting everything they found on the shelves into crates and boxes, Joel and Hank were just standing watch, looking out for any threats that might befall them. Another group was taking winter clothing out to the wagon.

He saw a store at the end of the row, a familiar one. He should go see, just in case. He had spent his time on patrol and scouting trips since he got to Jackson looking for this particular item. Heck, he’d spent the time on the road with you looking for this item. He had heard you mention it to Ellie, time and again. He wanted to see if they might be here.

He just wanted to make you smile again.

He knew what you said. He heard you. And as much as his heart clenched at the thought that he might no longer have you like that in his life, he still wanted to make you smile. He craved for your smiles. Needed them to go on. He knew you were angry at him. But he couldn’t help it. He needed you safe. Needed to have you around, a solace for his heart, a reason to go on.

His heart ached when he saw you struggling. He kicked himself for going out on patrol that night. He should’ve been there, protected you. He wanted to kill Pete with his bare hands. But the guys talked him out of it. So he made do with breaking his arms and legs. And Will and Benny were more than willing to help.

Every time you winced from the pain, he wished he could go back and kill Pete again. Every time you flinched when he tried to touch you, he wanted to find Pete’s body and burn it. Spit on it, chop what was left of him fine and feed them to the wolves himself.

If it were up to him, he would strap you to his person and never let you out of his sight.

But he understood how you could see that as controlling. Overprotective. Domineering. Suffocating.

So he accepted that you were angry and said the things you said out of anger.

But by God, he was going to beg you to take him back. To forgive him. Grovel, if he must.

And that store was a great start.

So when Tommy told him everything was ready to take back to the wagons, he asked if they had some time to go to the store, and Tommy shrugged. He didn’t see why not. Hank went with them, crowbar in hand.

They managed to break the shutter lock with ease, Joel immediately shining his torch looking for this item. Hank and Tommy did too, separating a little further from each other to save time.

Joel smiled when he found it, immediately taking it, still in plastic covering, placing it in his jacket to bring to you. He saw something else you had talked about, and thought you might like them too, so he took them, walking back to the front of the store, telling Tommy and Hank he found them. His heart was full. He could imagine your smile when you saw them. He couldn’t wait.

As the three of them walked out, the last of the crate of medical supplies in Hank’s hands, Tommy fell face first, right there in front of him.

A clicker had come out of nowhere, pulling his legs, immediately climbing on his back to take a bite. Joel pulled it off, shooting it in the face. Tommy was disorientated, his nose bloody from his fall. Joel pulled Tommy up as more clicking and snarls came, shouting at his brother to go. Shouting at everyone to go. He will fend them off. Get the medical supplies back to Jackson.

He pulled out the items he had found, handing them to Tommy. Make sure Elena gets these, he said, turning around to take care of the ten or so clickers who had emerged from the sewers.

“GO! I’LL CATCH UP!” he shouted as the men began shooting, alerting more clickers, taking down a few as they did.

As Tommy mounted his horse and the group took off, he shouted at Joel to come with, run Joel, you can make it! Joel turned around and ran towards Captain, but one clicker jumped on him, taking him down. Tommy shot it, and another came, Joel screaming at him to leave. Hank came back and pulled Tommy along, shouting at him to leave, shooting another clicker as Joel managed to get on his feet, shooting another.

Tommy knew he had to leave. He knew that. The supplies. The town. His wife. His son. He knew this. But he couldn’t help the guilt he was feeling. He took one last look at his older brother. He saw Joel facing three clickers at once, the wagons and others at full speed in front of him, taking a shot from the distance in an attempt to help his brother one last time, missed, and turned away as he saw Joel shoot one more clicker before falling from another tackle, turning on his back and shooting that one too. Joel got back up, about five or so clickers remained, shouting at him to leave.

His brother was tough. Joel would make it. He would be okay. He would be okay, Tommy thought, as he rode away at full speed, clutching the items Joel had given him to give to you to his chest.

**********

You checked with the gates every single day, asking the watchers in the towers if they had any news, if the had seen the men returning. They were supposed to be gone seven days, Elena, it’s only been five, Maria coaxed you as you walked away from the gates, disappointed that there were no news.

You nodded, knowing this, but you were anxious. You just wanted to see him again. You wanted to tell him you were sorry, that you understood his actions, that you just wanted to live your life here with him. To be held by him again. To kiss him again.

You couldn’t sleep that night, tossing and turning in your bed. You had told Will and Benny not to camp out, that you were feeling much better. Ellie came to spend the night with you. You no longer needed to keep Marcus company at the clinic, he was back home, much stronger than he was, and Jessie was there to help him.

You sleeps were no longer plagued by Pete, but that night, you kept seeing Joel. Just him, standing among the strawberries in Boston, smiling at you. You woke up in sweats every single time.

Fuck.

You needed him to come back. Please come back. So you could say you were sorry, so you could tell him you loved him. Tess’s final words to you kept replaying in your head.

“You know, we have been lucky thus far, but our luck might run out sooner or later. You should be nicer to Joel. He’s really not a bad guy if you give him a chance. Cause you never know, this might be the last time you saw him, and if something happens to him, you don’t want to regret being an asshole to him, right?”

Fuck. Please come back, Joel. I need you to come back. Please, Joel, I love you. Please come back.

**********

You woke up to the sounds of heavy knocking on your door. Maria. They’ve been spotted, she told you. Come on, let’s go to the gate.

You stood at the gate and waited as the thundering hooves got closer and closer, your heart making the same vibrations they were. They were almost two days early, someone said. Something must have happened.

You don’t know that, someone else said, they could have found some place closer than expected. Yeah, that must be it.

Please, let that be it.

The gates opened, and the two wagons came through, along with the men on horses.

One, two, three, four, five… why were there only five horses? There were supposed to be six. Six lone riders, and four in the two wagons. You looked around for Joel’s jacket, for Captain, only to have Tommy dismount right in front of you.

His face was bloodied, he was out of breath.

He took something out of his jacket. A brand new, plastic-bound copy of The Return of the King. His lips were quivering, his eyes wet.

You looked around one more time. You went to the wagons, looking inside, looking at each men in the eyes, all of whom looked away from you, even Hank.

“He’s not here, Elena.”

No.

You loved him. You were going to tell him that.

No.

---

Part 15

[alea-jottun]

On dissonance : saying you story did something vs making your story say something

A problem I have noticed with people defending s2 is that they take at face value what the dialogues say (or what the writers have said in interviews), as if it were a complete justification of what happens in s2. But a story cannot simply say it is something, it has to be this thing. Dialogue that is not backed up by the actual content of a story is worthless.

A few examples for instance :

S2 wants to pretend that it has something to say about forgiveness. But what does it do ? Have alternate Silco say that "the greatest thing we can do in life is find the power to forgive" (one of the worst lines of s2 considering the context. I'm not even going to delve into why he was the worst possible character you could choose to prone forgiveness, but let's put aside his character assassination for now) yet never follow through.

That's just a line, said by a character. For it to have value, it has to be backed by the story. But s2 doesn't do that.

The problem is not that s2 wants to prone forgiveness (that was going to come up anyway, because you have to discuss forgiveness in order to put an end to a cycle of violence). The problem is that there is no well-written arc demonstrating the value of forgiveness in s2 : simply characters who suddenly feel bad for what they have done, and other characters who forgive them just like that. The justifications given for their changes of heart are either incredibly superficial (considering the gravity of the Arcane themes. We're talking about forgiving murder, attacks, etc), or absolute crap. The reason being of course that the writers did not bother writing organic, developped character arcs.

No, Caitlyn saying "I know" or fighting Noxus is not her taking responsibility or atoning for her crimes. No, her seeing Vi or being called Cupcake should not be enough to cause a change of heart this radical (and don't say that Caitlyn was feeling bad and was waiting for an opportunity to betray Ambessa, because that's simply not true. She absolutely supported Ambessa through s2. She just suddenly changed her opinion on Ambessa because the writers decided it).

Same goes for instance for the Timebomb subplot (which I have unfortunately seen heralded as another example of how s2 preaches forgiveness) : Ekko goes to an alternate reality and falls in love with an alternate version of a girl who murdered his friends and cursed Zaun, but in his reality Jinx is suddenly sad about what she did to the Council, so boom ! Forgiven with no proper redemption arc, and now Ekko tries to convince her that she can better herself. Even though throughout Arcane Jinx didn't give a damn about Ekko or the Firelights she killed. And no, fighting for Piltover and a fake sacrifice at the end do not count as redemption.

At this point, the writers really feel like a character being sad is equivalent to an entire redemption arc. But forgiveness has to be earned, and it never is in s2.

Another example of constant dissonance which I have evoked in another post, but also fits here :

Caitlyn saying to Jinx "no amount of good deeds can undo our crimes...." .... while the entirety of s2 does just that for several characters, including her and Jinx, ironically.

Again, that's just one line, said by a character at the end of a 9 episodes series. But that's not what s2 says in practice. The reality of s2 is that it keeps trying to downplay Jinx's past actions, it keeps trying to undo her crimes : she does whatever she wants and is seen as a symbol in Zaun, even though she literally prevented the Council from declaring Zaun independant. There is no problem to her presence in Viktor's commune, despite that fact that she killed him, and his dream, and again, cursed Zaun when it was about to be freed. She can literally talk to Viktor without the topic ever being properly adressed.  And then the writers remember that she is a bit more than a troublemaker, so in the last episodes you get half-baked excuses and a tentative to end herself to cause drama (which is incredibly insensitive, but that's not the point of this post).

Same for Caitlyn : despite being the one saying "no amount of good deeds can undo our crimes....", she has one of the happiest ending of s2, without ever taking responsibility for her actions, or going through redemption. She ends up with an even better social position, a girlfriend she mistreated, a victory for Piltover, and never any real punishment or coherent negative consequences of her actions. So yes, her crimes are pretty much undo-ed... and she didn't even do any real good deed.

The dialogue says something, but the whole series contradicts it.

And finally, you have lines that are absolute crap (in the context of s2) and that pretend that s2 was a completely different show : see the "trying to get rid of your imperfections" line (Viktor's so-called quest for perfection doesn't exist apart from a few lines of dialogues, it is never a proper plot point in the show itself). See the "If he had found the letter it would all have been different" line (not even going to go into details with this one because there is so much wrong with it, it's impressive at this point). Or Jayce's "All I want is my partner back" when Jayce is not shown caring about Viktor after he goes back to Zaun (and no, hallucinating him once in the fire does not count. Also it does not help that neither Jayce nor Viktor have much screen time) and then tries to kill him. So what does s2 do ? Have a cheap thirty second explanation in the last episode, introduce the worst "plot twist" of the series, and pretend it did the job.

Add that to the terrible interview of the writer who said that they made the story as "economical" as possible (they genuinely thought that if they implied something once, then they never had to mention it again) when a good story is supposed to be the complete opposite : efficient (say as much as you possibly can).

S2 is all filler no substance. I know we're joking about the people defending it with the "micro-expressions" argument, but that's understandable : that's all there is in s2 : micro-potentials of what could have been a great series, drowned in an ocean of incompetence. 

[coffeecacao]

Not bleak enough...? Severe spoilers beneath cut let's dissect this.

Dwarves have been unwittingly selling their own ancestors' blood for desperately needed coin, blood which grants every other race the wonder of a magic they can never access because their dreams were stolen by the gods and then twisted into a blight which killed countless people. They were once a mighty people, literally broken down by the gods and cast down in a war because spirits used Titan blood to gain corporeal form. The dalish elves' own gods are sacrificing them in rituals because those gods see their face marks and still see them as the slaves they were used to mark. We see Solas go from a frightened idealist to a man broken by war and doing whatever it takes through centuries of memories. The grey wardens are mostly decimated in a gruelling battle at Weisshaupt, a place know throughout the series as the core of the order, held up as its secure foundation, now devastated. Varric dies and Solas manipulates Rook's mind into seeing him, this firm foundation they can go to throughout the game, only to learn he was a figment conjured for the purpose of Solas manipulating them. Neve's consistent attempts to make the city she loves better one case at a time only disillusion her and it more and more. Harding's understanding of herself and her faith are both shattered and she has to put herself back together. Bellara lost her brother in an event she blames herself for, only to get him back, only for him to have allied himself with a god who turns their people into demons, then he redeems himself, only to die right in front of her, again. Lucanis was tortured and forcibly demon possessed in prison for a year, only to get out to his mother figure being "dead," only then to learn the man he grew up with, his only friend, betrayed him and caused all of his suffering. All Davrin wanted was a purpose, only for the griffons he devoted his life to to be stolen from him and threatened with a slow and brutal death in the form of a blight administered by an elf who was forced to do so ages ago by the very order he has devoted his life to. Emmrich lost his parents as a child and as a result is terrified of death, and is forced to choose between losing his newfound family, Manfred, and dying himself one day by giving up lichdom. Taash was constrained by their mother in a desperate attempt to protect them from the Antaam while not losing what their mother saw as their identity, the Qun, and when Taash broke their binds to finally tell their mother who they were, their mother rejected them, only to accept them mere moments before her brutal death right in front of them. Rook has to choose whether to save one city or another from a dragon attack, either option resulting in civilian deaths and decimation. Rook is trapped in a prison of their own regrets after being forced to sacrifice a beloved team member. Yes. They all overcame these things. Because this is a story about fucking redemption, and overcoming trauma.

[blueblossomrose]

This post is part of the Twisted Parents Series.

Content: Post-canon, fem!afab!mc, fluffy, too much fluffy, twst boys with teenage children. And questionable humor, of course. My trademark.

Notes: So, my country is in summer and here in Brazil summer is naturally hot since it's ahem, tropical country, but this year summer has been ABSOLUTE HELL abnormally hot so I need something to keep from going crazy. Preferably air conditioning on 24 hours, but since I don't have that option, I'm going to turn my frustration into fluffy.

Comments and reblogs are very welcome ♡

Summer Season

The Queendom of Roses had never faced such an intense heat wave. Soon its residents were euphoric, especially certain not-so-eccentric families.

It was frankly absurd. People were already waking up exhausted, walking through the streets like zombies, the heat coming directly from the sun almost like it's melting their brains.

Everything was so hot that it was torture to be outside during the middle of the day.

It got to the point that the air conditioning in Riddle's office simply broke down. He spent the whole day attending to restless children and stressed mothers, amidst sweaty papers and a weak fan that only threw hot air from one side to the other. When he finally got home, sweaty and breathing heavily, his patience was already exhausted.

In this situation, it was absolutely unthinkable to stay home listening to his children complaining about the heat all day. [Name]'s suggestion, said with a carefree smile while fanning her face with a magazine, was that they go to the beach.

Riddle, of course, initially refused. The thought of sand sticking to his skin and the sun that would burn until his whole body was red made him even more exhausted.

But after the insistence of the two of them —his wife and daughter — he had to sigh and give in.

Now, there he was, sitting under a red-and-white striped umbrella, a wide-brimmed hat protecting his fair skin. His blue-gray eyes narrowed as he watched Violete, who was trying to sneak away to the water.

“Where do you think you’re going, young lady?” Riddle asked, his voice firm but not exactly stern.

“Uhhh… swimming?” the girl replied, as if it were obvious.

“I told you about that. Not without putting on sunscreen,” Riddle said flatly, pointing to the bottle in the bag next to him. The girl rolled her eyes and grumbled, but eventually reluctantly went back to her mother to apply sunscreen.

Meanwhile, Alex was sitting quietly under the umbrella next to [Name]. He shared the chair with his mother, who laughed softly at Violete's complaints. Alex seemed oblivious to everything, completely immersed in a game on his old blue Gameboy.

Riddle, from time to time, gave his son critical looks. It's not like he hated Alex's appreciation for video games, but God, did he have to have his face buried in that all day?

Alex had been like this since he was 9, when he got his Gameboy, gift from his mother. Now, at 14, he kept the same device, only changing the case from time to time, as if it were a way to personalize his digital adventure companion.

Violete, at sixteen, It was both what you expected and what you didn't expect from a teenager. Energetic and full of life, with a sarcastic and rebellious streak, her excitement was almost contagious. She had her own hobbies which involved video games with her brother as much as books and cricket. She had already jumped into the water as soon as the sunscreen ritual was over.

The short red strands, which she often curled, were now back to their natural state, flowing straight as they got wet. She was swimming happily, challenging small waves, when she noticed a group of people not far away. Two instructors were helping some tourists climb onto a large board, probably part of those leisure programs offered at the beach – canoeing, stand-up paddleboarding, something like that.

Violete swam closer and watched for a moment, until an idea popped into her head. Turning back to the sand, she raised her voice and called: “Dad!”

Riddle, who was finally starting to relax in his chair, looked up suspiciously. “What now?”

“Let’s get on the board together! It’ll be fun!” she shouted.

“Violete, I’m not getting on that board with you,” he replied immediately, with a seriousness that made Alex let out a small muffled laugh on the other side. [Name], next to him, just raised her eyebrows with a look of “let’s see how long you can resist.”

However, Violete was persistent, and his daughter’s insistent expression – the one she clearly inherited from her mother – eventually won out. A few minutes later, Riddle was in the water, visibly uncomfortable as he was guided to the board by a patient instructor and an overly excited daughter.

"This is a bad idea, Violete," he muttered, already feeling regret setting in as he put on a life jacket. "I'm a doctor, I know exactly how many ways this can go wrong."

"Dad, you need to relax!" Violete replied, smiling as she helped him onto the board, where she was already balanced with impressive ease. "It's going to be fun, trust me!"

But before Riddle could argue, the board swayed dangerously, and he grabbed onto his daughter with a suddenness she hadn't expected. "Violette!" he exclaimed, desperately trying to steady himself.

"Dad, you're pulling me under!" she protested, as she tried to steady them both. Riddle, for his part, was focused on not falling into the water, which seemed increasingly inevitable.

He looked back, seeing [Name] on the sand, waving at them with an amused smile. Alex didn't even look – the sound of the Gameboy buttons continued, indifferent to the family chaos that was happening in the sea.

The minutes when Violette guided the board towards the waves were the moments when Riddle despaired the most, although they managed to at least catch a good wave, even though they were completely unbalanced.

Finally, after a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, the inevitable happened. The board rocked to one side, then the other, and they both fell into the water with a big splash.

When he emerged, wet and irritated, but also, to his surprise, smiling, Riddle heard Violete's crystal-clear laugh.

"See, Dad? It was fun, wasn't it?!" her hands hit the water splashing more water on him.

"Ugh, stop!" even while complaining, Riddle was smiling, sometimes returning the splashes of water on his daughter.

"Huh? Where are dad and Vi?" Alex questioned as he lifted his head, [Name] laughed and pointed, just long enough for Alex to see his dad and sister catch a wave together before falling into the water again. Riddle was almost as desperate as you could imagine while Violete was in front on the board with the biggest smile in the world. A frankly hilarious frame.

The blazing midday sun seemed even more intense that unusual summer in the Queendom of Roses. The oppressive heat made even going out for simple activities like shopping at the Clover bakery a challenge. Still, the frozen treats that Trey made had become a sensation. Artisanal ice cream, fresh fruit pies, and refreshing drinks were flying off the shelves.

One afternoon, sitting at the small oak table in the back of the bakery, Trey rubbed his sweaty forehead as he watched his children play. Tim and Thomas were more interested in hanging out by the fan, while Rose ran around with seemingly inexhaustible energy despite the heat. He glanced over at [Name], who was waving a makeshift paper fan and mumbling something about how hot it's outside. It was then that an idea struck him.

How about take a trip to the falls?

A cool, peaceful place, and the perfect local to cool off.

Rose, being the youngest, immediately jumped up and down with excitement, Tim and Thomas, on the other hand, teenagers already at an age where they'd rather stay home with their phones or their own hobbies, didn't seem so excited. But family trip is mandatory, after all. It was an agreement they made with their parents.

Trey and [Name] arrived at the trailhead with their children, each carrying light backpacks filled with towels, snacks, and bottles of water. Rose bounced excitedly ahead, her small backpack bouncing as she droned on and on about how the waterfalls would be.

Tim, the oldest, trailed slowly, already sweating in the heat, his expression clearly reflecting his displeasure with the hike. “Why couldn’t we just buy ice cream and stay home with the fan on?” he muttered, earning an amused look from Trey.

Thomas, on the other hand, was somewhere in between, half-interested in the hike but clearly dead tired. He walked with his hands in his pockets, backpack and bag on the shoulder.

After a while, the trail opened up to reveal the waterfall. The view was spectacular: crystal clear water cascaded down, creating a refreshing mist that immediately took the edge off the heat. The surrounding vegetation was dense, with bright green leaves and colorful wildflowers that looked even more vivid in the sun.

Rose ran towards the shore, stopping only when Trey called her, asking her to wait while he and [Name] found a good spot for the towel. Tim, sighing, threw himself into the shade of a large rock, lying down like a sack of potatoes. “Wake me up when we leave,” he muttered, eliciting a laugh from [Name].

Thomas, however, took advantage of the distraction. He grabbed a handful of cold water and silently approached Rose. “Hey, Rose, look up!” he shouted, pointing to the top of the waterfall. When his sister looked up, he splashed her with ice-cold water, making her squeal.

“Thomas!” she protested, but she was already splashing him back, starting a water fight that soon involved Trey trying to calm them both down so that they wouldn't fall and hurt themselves on the rocks.

Meanwhile, [Name] was standing next to Tim, offering him a bottle of cool water. "You know you're going to want to get in the water soon," she said.

Tim opened a lazy eye. "Only if someone carries me there."

After a while, Tim gave in to the heat and joined his brothers in the water. Trey and [Name] watched, relaxing on the towel on the floor. Thomas and Rose were now trying to build a "dam" with rocks and branches, while Tim stood nearby, pretending not to care but discreetly helping them find the right branches.

As the time has passed, Trey stood up, adjusting his glasses and getting everyone's attention. "Time for a snack!" he announced, grabbing a small cooler with fruit, sandwiches, and some homemade pastries from the bakery.

Rose was the first to run, still dripping watee, while Thomas and Tim followed her. Like three Gremlins, they sat down and ate despite shivering from the cold from the thermal shock of the ice-cold water on the hot climate.

The end of the afternoon was spent peacefully, with the family resting and enjoying the relaxing sound of the waterfall. When they finally started to pack up their things, Rose complained that she wanted to stay a little longer, but Trey promised that they could return soon, eliciting a smile from her. The walk back was less lively – tiredness had finally taken over the trio, mainly Rose who was the central animation. Trey, with a soft smile, carried her backpack along with his, while [Name] chuckled softly at the funny observations her tired daughter even so made about every detail of the trail.

The hot season brought with it an unexpected relief from Cater’s hectic schedule. The scorching sun made everyone crave a break, and for him, that meant finishing work early and finding something more exciting to do with his family. After all, there was nothing worse than a interview in the sweltering heat, with people feeling sweaty and uncomfortable.

With an excited smile, Cater dragged his wife [Name] and children, Astrid and Rory, to a nature reserve by the sea. The place was perfect for disconnecting from the world. It offered ample space to swim and even snorkel with some of the sea creatures, creating a relaxing atmosphere full of photo opportunities that he loved to capture.

Astrid quickly raised her hand, as if she had asked an important question. “Can I swim with the sharks?” she said with a sparkle in her eyes, her light orange hair lightly blowing in her face as she looked anxiously at her parents.

“Why on earth would you want to swim with sharks?” Rory replied.

[Name] couldn’t help but laugh, trying to lighten the situation. “I’m glad you want to go on an adventure, dear, but I think it would be better to start with something lighter, don’t you think?” she looked at Astrid with a calm smile.

Astrid grimaced, not completely convinced, crossing her arms and looking at her parents as if she were going to continue the argument. But before she could complain any further, a hand appeared underneath her, lifting her off the ground with ease. Cater placed her on his back, with Astrid laughing and squealing with excitement.

"Hey, hey! No arguing, let's just enjoy the moment, how about seeing the manta rays?" Cater suggested. "They like getting close to humans, and they're super harmless. It'll be really cool."

Astrid, with her face already lit up with a wide smile, put the grimace aside, agreeing with her father. She was excited about the idea, even more than with the sharks. Rory, still suspicious, looked at his sister and then at his parents, with a slight sigh. He couldn't deny that their enthusiasm was contagious.

And so the family began their walk to the water sports area, with the sound of waves crashing against the rocks and the summer heat enveloping them all. Cater was happy to be sharing this moment with his wife and children, finally having some time to relax and enjoy life outside the chaos of journalistic work. Over the years, he has learned to appreciate life off-screen more.

To escape the hell that was the city that day, Ace decided that the best solution would be to take his family to a nearby river. Nothing too elaborate, but at least there they could cool off without having to spend a fortune on cold drinks or abuse his magic with cooling spells, which were a luxury that he, as someone from the ministry's accounting department, was not willing to abuse.

For a while, everything went peacefully. [Name] took off her shoes and dipped her feet in the water, relaxing as she watched her children venture further ahead. Lilian had already tied her orange-red hair into a ponytail, while Jasper stood with his arms crossed, evaluating whether it was worth getting in the water or if it would be more fun to tease his sister. Ace, on the other hand, already had his feet submerged and was throwing some water up, enjoying the coolness.

It was then that, out of nowhere, the tranquility was broken.

“So, Dad,” Lilian began, crossing her arms and giving him an inquisitive look, “How many girlfriends did you have before Mom?”

Ace blinked in confusion as he finished stretching in the water. “What? Where did that question come from?”

"You had a girlfriend before mom. And you didn't think to tell us, huh?"

Ace glanced sideways at [Name], who just chuckled, clearly enjoying the situation.

“What have you been telling them?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Me? Nothing!” [Name] replied with an innocent smile. “But your brother loves to tell stories.”

Ace groaned softly. His brother... he should have known.

"Lili, I didn't even know your mother when I broke up with this girlfriend!" he tried to argue to see if his daughter would change the subject.

But Lilian quickly dodged him and kept her accusatory expression. "Even so!" she insisted, now going closer to her mother, as if seeking reinforcement. "Uncle said you were a jerk to mom in the beginning! And what about the other girl?! You were nice to her?!"

Ace ran his hand over his face in disbelief. He had faced powerful adverse situations, being a troublemaker at school… but nothing compared to the fury of a teenage daughter determined to seek justice for her mother.

"Is this an interrogation?" he asked, raising his hands in surrender.

"It depends on your answer," Lilian replied with a frown.

"Look, I wasn't the easiest guy to deal with back then," Ace admitted, scratching the back of his neck. "But I wasn't that bad either, okay?"

"What does that mean?!" Lilian insisted.

Ace sighed. "You know what? I'll ask your uncle what else he's been telling you. I mean, I should be enjoying the water, not defending my reputation from sixteen years ago!"

"Maybe if you hadn't been such a jerk, you wouldn't have to defend yourself now," Jasper scoffed.

"Are you two going to go swimming or keep tormenting me?"

Lilian and Jasper exchanged glances and, without warning, threw water at their father at the same time, this one who gasped offendedly.

"Sweetie, don't be so hard on your father," [Name] intervened, placing her hand gently on Lilian's hair, who was still pouting. "He wasn't perfect, but he learned a lot. And he certainly wasn't the only one who made mistakes." she chuckled, stroking her daughter's hair. "Although he really deserves some of the karma, I'd say."

"Oh, for the love of—!" Ace exclaimed, feigning indignation, while Jasper, on the other side, burst out laughing, clearly enjoying the situation. Ace an his wet hands over his face, as if that could alleviate the embarrassment. "This is absurd! Look here, I wasn't that horrible! What are you three trying to do to me, huh? A public lynching? Lili, I promise you, the only woman I've ever truly loved was your mother. No other woman has ever made me feel like she did, you little brat."

Lilian was still frowning. "Really?" she asked, a little suspicious.

"More than serious," he replied, with that carefree expression he always used when he tried to seem convincing. "And do you know what happens to those who don't believe in their dads?"

Before Lilian could react, Ace grabbed her by the waist, in a quick and agile movement, dragging her straight into the water.

She let out a high-pitched scream, taking everyone by surprise. "DAD!" she shouted, between laughter and protests, as she tried to free herself.

Water splashed around, and Lilian, now soaking wet, laughed loudly as she struggled to escape her father's embrace, but Ace, laughing along, held her tight. "Do you doubt me? Do you really think I don't love your mother?"

"I never said that!" Lilian replied, laughing and trying to balance herself. "But that doesn't justify throwing me in the water!"

Ace chuckled once more, releasing her and raising his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, little brat. Just don't question my love for you too."

The unbearable heat that had never been seen before in Queendom of Roses was demanding drastic measures from Deuce. He even thought about taking his family to a place like a beach or a river, but when he got home, he found an unexpected scene in the backyard.

The sound of children's laughter and water jets echoed in the hot air. His children and his wife were completely absorbed in the refreshing game with the garden hose. Matthew, in colorful shorts, held the hose tightly, laughing loudly as he shot jets of water in the direction of his mother and brother. Raphael, smaller and more agile, tried to escape by running clumsily, but was hit full on in the chest, making him let out a shrill laugh. [Name] was also soaked, her white blouse now stuck to her body due to the water, and strands of hair stuck to her face as she laughed, trying to shield herself behind her youngest son.

The scene are completely chaotic.

"Hey!" Deuce's voice broke the moment, firm and unexpected. His serious expression made Matthew's eyes widen and lowered the hose, "What are you doing getting your mother and brother wet like that, Matthew?" Deuce asked, crossing his arms.

"Sorry, Dad, we were just-" Matthew started to justify himself, but was interrupted by Deuce snatched the hose from his hands and held it tightly.

A mischievous glint crossed his determined gaze, the same look he used to have in their old delinquent phase. "It has to be this way!" He turned the hose directly on Matthew and Raphael, blasting them with a jet of water strong enough to make them scream and laugh at the same time.

Matthew tried to run away, but Deuce was spot on—he aimed right at the boy’s back, making him squirm in surprise. Raphael, laughing nervously, tried to hide behind his mother, but Deuce quickly changed his target, and soon a cold jet hit [Name] as well. “Deuce!” she shouted, laughing as she raised her arms in a futile attempt to defend herself. “It's not fair!”

“Of course it's fair,” he snapped, amused by the general confusion that ensued. The boys joined in, trying to grab the hose from their father, but Deuce was faster and dodged it easily.

[Name] took advantage of a moment of distraction to run to a forgotten bucket in the corner of the garden. Before Deuce knew it, she had filled it and poured the water straight over his head. The shock of the icy water made Deuce hold his breath for a moment.

"Ah, now you've done it," he murmured, a smile breaking across his face before he charged at them, picking [Nome] up, making her squeal as he picked up the hose from the floor. Raphael and Matthew ran to escape, but Deuce was too fast to them. Within seconds, they were all completely soaked, laughing as if the unbearable heat had been forgotten.

Eventually, the garden became a water war zone, if it wasn't already before.

[gxldencity]

There are a lot of good points in this wonderfully written essay but I want to highlight these passages because they do speak to why Veilguard has more to it than meets the eye. I do hope as time moves on, more people are open to looking as to why some of the narrative decisions were chosen beyond whatever preconceived notion you have about corporate sanitization.

That is the more critical lens to view the way The Veilguard’s sanitation of Thedas. To an extent, I agree. We learned so much about how the enigmatic country of the Tevinter Imperium was a place built upon slavery and blood sacrifice, only for us to conveniently hang out in the common poverty-stricken areas that are affected by the corrupt politics we only hear about in sidequests and codex entries. But decisions like setting The Veilguard’s Tevinter stories in the slums of Dogtown gives the game and its writers a place to make a more definitive statement, rather than existing in the often frustrating centrism Dragon Age loved to tout for three games.

I have a lot of pain points I can shout out in the Dragon Age series, but I don’t think one has stuck in my craw the way the end of Anders rivalry relationship goes down in Dragon Age II. This is a tortured radical mage who is willing to give his life to fight for the freedom of those who have been born into a corrupt system led by the policing Templars. And yet, if you’ve followed his rivalry path, Anders will turn against the mages he, not five minutes ago, did some light terrorism trying to free. In Inquisition, this conflict of ideals and traditions comes to a head, but you’re able to essentially wipe it all under the rug as you absorb one faction or the other into your forces. So often Dragon Age treats its conflicts and worldviews as toys for the player to slam against one another, shaping the world as they see fit, and bending even the most fiercely devoted radical to your whims. And yes, there are some notable exceptions to this rule, but when it came to world-shifting moments of change, Dragon Age always seemed scared to assert that the player might be wrong. Mages and Templars, oppressed and oppressors, were the same in the eyes of the game, each worthy of the same level of scrutiny.

Before The Veilguard, I often felt Dragon Age didn’t actually believe in anything. Its characters did, but as a text, Dragon Age often felt so preoccupied with empowering the player’s decisions that it felt like Thedas would never actually get better, no matter how much you fought for it. While it may lack the same prickly dynamics and the grey morality that became synonymous with the series, The Veilguard’s doesn’t just believe that the world is full of greys and let you pick which shade you’re more comfortable with. It’s the most wholeheartedly the Dragon Age universe has declared that the world of Thedas can be better than it was before.

Dragon Age: The Veilguard Just Went From A Good RPG To One Of BioWare’s Most Important Games

In light of BioWare scattering some of its most foundational veteran talent to the winds, Dragon Age: The Veilguard sure reads like something made by people who saw the writing on the wall. The RPG leaves off on a small cliffhanger that could launch players into a fifth game, but I’m skeptical that we’ll ever get it. The quickness with which publisher Electronic Arts gutted BioWare and masked it with talk of being more “agile” and “focused” shortly after it was revealed The Veilguard underperformed in the eyes of the power that be makes me wonder if BioWare was also unsure it would get to return to Thedas a fifth time. Looking back, I’m pretty convinced the team was working as if Rook’s adventure through the northern regions of this beloved fantasy world might be the last time anyone, BioWare or fan, stepped foot in it. But that may have only made me appreciate the game even more.

Yeah, I might be doomsaying, but there’s a lot of reasons to do so right now. The loss of talented people like lead writer Trick Weekes, who has been a staple in modern BioWare since the beginning of Mass Effect, or Mary Kirby who wrote characters like Varric, the biggest throughline through the Dragon Age series, doesn’t inspire confidence that EA understands the lifeblood of the studio it acquired in 2007. The Veilguard has been a divisive game for entirely legitimate reasons and the most bad-faith ones you can imagine on the internet in 2025, but my hope is that history will be kinder to it as time goes on. 

A Kotaku reader reach out to me after all the news broke to ask if they should still play The Veilguard after everything that happened. My answer was that now we are probably in a better position to appreciate it for what it was: a (potentially) final word.

The Veilguard feels just as much a send-off for a long-running story as it does a stepping stone for what (might) come. Its secret ending implies a new threat is lurking somewhere off in the distance but by and large, The Veilguard is about the end of an era. BioWare created an entire questline essentially writing Thedas’ history in stone, removing any ambiguity that gave life to over a decade of theory-crafting. As a long-time player, I’m glad The Veilguard solidifies the connective tissue between what sometimes felt like world of isolated cultures that lacked throughlines that made the world feel whole. But sitting your cast of weirdos down for a series of group therapy sessions unpacking the ramifications of some of the biggest lore dumps the studio has ever put to a Bluray disc isn’t the kind of narrative choice you make if you’re confident there’s still a future for the franchise. 

Unanswered questions are the foundation of sequels, and The Veilguard has an almost anxious need to stamp those out. Perhaps BioWare learned a hard lesson by leaving Dragon Age: Inquisition on a cliffhanger and didn’t want to repeat the same restriction. But The Veilguard doesn’t just wrap up its own story, it concludes several major threads dating back to Origins and feels calculated and deliberate. If BioWare’s goal with The Veilguard was to bring almost everything to a definitive end, the thematic note it leaves this world on acts as a closing graf summing up a thesis the series hopes to convey.

Pushing away the bigotry that has followed The Veilguard like a starving rat digging through trash, one of the most common criticisms I heard directed against the game was that it lacked a certain thorny disposition that was prevalent in the first three games. Everyone in the titular party generally seems to like each other, there aren’t real ethical and philosophical conflicts between the group, and the spats that do arise are more akin to the arguments you probably get into with your best friends. It’s a new dynamic for the series. The Veilguard doesn’t feel like coworkers as The Inquisition did or the disparate group who barely tolerated each other we followed in Dragon Age II. They are a friend group who, despite coming from different backgrounds, factions, and places, are pretty much on the same page about what the world should be. They’re united by a common goal, sure, but at the core of each of their lived experiences is a desire for the world to be better.

This rose-colored view of leftism doesn’t work for everyone. At its worst, The Veilguard can be saccharine to the point of giving you a cavity, which is far from what people have come to expect from a series in which Fenris and Anders didn’t care if the other lived or died. It also bleeds into a perceived softening of the universe. Factions like the Antivan Crows have essentially become the Bat Family with no mention of the whole child slavery thing that was our first introduction to them back in Origins. The Lords of Fortune, a new pirate faction, goes to great lengths to make sure you know that they’re not like the other pirates who steal from other cultures, among other things. I joked to a friend once that The Veilguard is a game terrified of getting canceled, and as such a lot of the grit and grime has been washed off for something shiny and polished. 

That is the more critical lens to view the way The Veilguard’s sanitation of Thedas. To an extent, I agree. We learned so much about how the enigmatic country of the Tevinter Imperium was a place built upon slavery and blood sacrifice, only for us to conveniently hang out in the common poverty-stricken areas that are affected by the corrupt politics we only hear about in sidequests and codex entries. But decisions like setting The Veilguard’s Tevinter stories in the slums of Dogtown gives the game and its writers a place to make a more definitive statement, rather than existing in the often frustrating centrism Dragon Age loved to tout for three games.

I have a lot of pain points I can shout out in the Dragon Age series, but I don’t think one has stuck in my craw the way the end of Anders rivalry relationship goes down in Dragon Age II. This is a tortured radical mage who is willing to give his life to fight for the freedom of those who have been born into a corrupt system led by the policing Templars. And yet, if you’ve followed his rivalry path, Anders will turn against the mages he, not five minutes ago, did some light terrorism trying to free. In Inquisition, this conflict of ideals and traditions comes to a head, but you’re able to essentially wipe it all under the rug as you absorb one faction or the other into your forces. So often Dragon Age treats its conflicts and worldviews as toys for the player to slam against one another, shaping the world as they see fit, and bending even the most fiercely devoted radical to your whims. And yes, there are some notable exceptions to this rule, but when it came to world-shifting moments of change, Dragon Age always seemed scared to assert that the player might be wrong. Mages and Templars, oppressed and oppressors, were the same in the eyes of the game, each worthy of the same level of scrutiny.

Before The Veilguard, I often felt Dragon Age didn’t actually believe in anything. Its characters did, but as a text, Dragon Age often felt so preoccupied with empowering the player’s decisions that it felt like Thedas would never actually get better, no matter how much you fought for it. While it may lack the same prickly dynamics and the grey morality that became synonymous with the series, The Veilguard’s doesn’t just believe that the world is full of greys and let you pick which shade you’re more comfortable with. It’s the most wholeheartedly the Dragon Age universe has declared that the world of Thedas can be better than it was before.

Essentially retconning the Antivan Crows to a family of superheroes is taking a hammer to the problem, whereas characters like Neve Gallus, a mage private eye with a duty-bound love for her city and its people, are the scalpel with which BioWare shifts its vision of how the world of Thedas can change. Taash explores their identity through the lens of Dragon Age’s longstanding Qunari culture, known for its rigidness in the face of an ever-changing world, and comes out the other end a new person, defined entirely by their own views and defying others. Harding finds out the truth behind how the dwarves were severed from magic and still remembers that she believes in the good in people. The heroes of The Veilguard have seen the corruption win out, and yet never stop believing that something greater is possible. It's not even an option in The Veilguard's eyes. The downtrodden will be protected, the oppressed will live proudly, and those who have been wronged will find new life.

That belief is what makes The Veilguard a frustrating RPG, to some. It’s so unyielding in its belief that Thedas and everyone who inhabits it can be better that it doesn’t really entertain you complicating the narrative. Rook can come from plenty of different backgrounds, make decisions that will affect thousands of people, but they can never really be an evil bastard. If they did, it would fundamentally undermine one of the game’s most pivotal moments. In the eleventh hour, Dragon Age mainstay Varric Tethras is revealed to have died in the opening hour, and essentially leaves all his hopes and dreams on the shoulders of Rook. After our hero is banished to the Fade and forced to confront their regrets in a mission gone south, Varric’s spirit sends Rook on their way to save the day one last time. He does so with a hearty chuckle, saying he doesn’t need to wish you good luck because “you already have everything you need.” He is, of course, referring to the friends you have calling to you from beyond the Fade. 

Varric, who has narrated the story of Dragon Age’s final word is a declaration of belief that things will be okay. This isn’t because Rook is the chosen one destined to save the world, but because they have found people who are unified by one thing: a need to fight for a better world. But that’s what makes it compelling as a possibly final Dragon Age game. Reaching the end of a universe’s arc and being wholly uninterested in leaving it desecrated by hubris or prejudice is a bold claim on BioWare’s part. It takes some authorship away from the player, but in return, it leaves the world of Thedas in a better place than we found it.

The Veilguard is an idealistic game, but it’s one that BioWare has earned the right to make. Dragon Age’s legacy has been one of constantly shifting identity, at least two counts of development hell, and a desire to gives players a sandbox to roleplay in. Perhaps, as Dragon Age likely comes to a close, it’s better to leave Dragon Age with a game as optimistic as the people who made it. I can’t think of a more appropriate finale than one that feels like it represents the world its creators hope to see, even as the world we live in now gives us every reason to fall to despair.

In my review for The Veilguard I signed off expressing hope for BioWare’s future that feels a bit naive in retrospect. Would a divisive but undeniably polished RPG that felt true to the studio’s history be enough when, after 10 years of development, rich suits were probably looking for a decisive cultural moment? That optimism was just about a video game. Having lived through the past 32 years, most of the optimism I’ve ever held feels naive to look back on. I think I’m losing hope that the world will get any better. But even if we haven’t reached The Veilguard’s idealized vision, I’ll take some comfort in knowing someone previously at BioWare still believes it’s possible. - ken shepard, shepardcdr.bsky.social

[lizardho]

Life Lesson from a Mormon Mission

I was called to "serve" in the Mexico, Mexico City North mission. It was a weird and unpleasant experience, overall, but I did have some takeaways from it that I appreciate still. One of them, the biggest one, arguably, was learning how to deal with bureaucratic red tape.

I was called to serve in an area near Huehuetoca, in a small farming neighborhood I'll call X. The neighborhood was a farming-and-construction community, and the ward was DEAD. 30 people still attending, and all of them were unpleasant. They had come by the unpleasantness honest - this was a community stricken with poverty and impoverished and overwhelmed people turn to vice. Ward members had secret sins that were eating at them, and they turned their shame into vicious criticism of others. Over a 5-year period the ward had gone from about 100 people to 80 to 60 to 40 to 30.

As missionaries, we were tasked with baptizing and converting new members; however, the area we were in was small and REALLY aversive to Mormons. The last companionship to spend time in the area had gotten into a yelling match with some Catholics and had insulted the chastity of the Virgin Mary of Guadalupe. As a result, they had been chased out of town by an armed mob of farmers, and the reputation of the church in that area had been irreparably tarnished to many who lived there.

As a result of this distrust between church members and other people in the area, it was a very underperforming area. My companion and I had been sent X because it was a "punishment area" where ineffective elders could be sent to allow better elders to focus their efforts in the areas getting results. I had been sent there for deliberate disobedience to mission rules - we were not permitted to be in the homes of single women alone, and I and my previous companion had blatantly ignored that rule to help some of the elderly widows in our area replace lightbulbs and repair appliances in their living spaces. This made me a liability, and I was sent to X. My companion in X was sent there because he was terminally shy - possessed by an eldritch, unknowable shame that prevented him from talking to others (honestly, it was probably autism).

We were troubled by a series of problems - ward leadership were stretched thin, ward members kept reminders of all grudges they held against other ward members, locals hated us because our predecessors had called La Virgencita a whore, and those locals who didn't hate us hated other active members in the congregation. On top of that suck salad, the area's housing organization made no damn sense and it was impossible to locate any building or residence without getting lost a lot.

Part of missionary work is we're supposed to set goals for how many lessons we'll have, how many people we'll talk to, how many baptisms we'll have, etc.

And part of that in our mission was our mission president's goal for our mission. He was a bureaucrat, a wannabe Elon Musk type - he believed he could just wave his hand and give orders and we'd all be so delighted to perform that we would just Do It, no questions asked. As such, he had set impossibly high goals for all missionaries. We were expected to have 25 lessons a week with non-members, and in all of those lessons we were expected to be accompanied by a member of the ward. Our ward had no members, the members it did have hated each other, and because the area was so impoverished nobody really had much time to join us in proselyting.

So, starting our Glorious Work and Wonder, we were beset by many difficulties. We were being monitored and policed closely by district and zone leaders, and we were being expected to meet mission standards. My companion, cursed with an alien torment in his soul (autism), was unable to manage the pressure. So we had a heart-to-heart discussion, where he expressed how overwhelmed he felt. I agreed that this would be overwhelming if we had to do it.

He was confused. The Mission President said we had to do it, so we had to do it, right? He's the one who tells us what's possible, if we fail it's just because our own faith was insufficient. I disagreed. Our MP had not been in the area ever. He was a self-congratulatory shitburp with no idea of what was-and-was-not possible, especially for X. So we talked about it and said "if we didn't have those goals, and our only job was to support the local ward, what would we do?" and I told my companion that we would do whatever that was instead.

We decided to focus on 5 things:

Mapping the area for future elders

Repairing relationships with active members

Seeking out less-active or inactive members(if you're ever baptized Mormon and stop going they don't treat you as a non-member, they treat you as a defective member) and trying to get them back to church

Whittling down the ward roster

Repairing community relations

Focusing on these things, my companion's concern as someone cursed by a need to follow rules (Autism) was - how do we report this to district and zone leaders?

Missions operate on a strict bureaucracy that we were expected to be accountable to. And I knew that, and he knew that. But what I knew, that he did not, was that this bureaucratic hierarchy was a sham. The mission was not prepared for this area to exist, and the rules we were expected to follow were predicated on a reality that was not here in the world we lived in.

So I told him I would handle it, and when the time came for us to report our weekly goals I lied. I said our goals were 25 member-present lessons with new people. The district and zone leaders both asked if I thought this was realistic, and I said,

"Yes!"

NOT because it was realistic, but because the actual answer to the question was not allowed: We were not going to teach a single non-member that week. Or the next week. Or even the week following. We had no intention of trying to bring anyone else into this mess until the ward could take it.

When they asked if I had any realistic prospects for those numbers, I already had a response prepared:

"Elders, do you doubt my faith? We prayed over these numbers."

And they balked, because they can't say that my divine inspiration was false because it would mean that anyone's could be. So they just fake smiled and let me do what I was gonna do. And we did that, week after week, for 6 weeks. In the meantime, we were talking to former members, tracking down members who had moved, mapping the area, and keeping score.

After 6 weeks, the transfer cycle ended. We got word that we were going to be staying together a bit longer. Good. Because now things were picking up.

We kept giving them fake numbers, pulling the same "this is my faith" trick, and then doing what needed to be done.

By 4 weeks, we had openly confronted all the priesthood holders in the area. We were kind, because we knew where they were coming from, but we were fierce, because their pain was not a valid excuse to lash out at innocents and made collateral damage.

By 8 weeks in the area, I had been able to give two separate talks where I was able to call people out directly, one-by-one. The three biggest factors in people leaving the church and not coming back had been spoken to directly. Feelings of resentment against us had been brought up directly, and equally directly we were able to shut it down (i.e., "Elder's, I told my employee he had to listen to you to keep his job and you STILL couldn't baptize him? You're the reason this ward will never grow!" "Oh, interesting, because I've got a tally in here of the number of people I spoke to this week who refuse to come back to church until you're dead. I wonder if you might be selling yourself short a little bit, or giving us too much credit for destroying this ward?")

By 12 weeks we were able to start reporting our actual numbers, and they were better than anyone had expected. By a LOT. Our goals were now feasible. With some direct attention, some external pressure, and some patience and service, the members of the ward had learned to work with us really well. It was beautiful to see.

By 18 weeks (my companion and I got 3 transfers together, it was amazing) we had baptisms, and the ward had gone back from 30, to 40, to 60. My companion left at 18 weeks and a new one came in, a go-getter who was gonna take the baton and carry it to the finish line. By the time I left, the ward had 3 baptisms, and had gone to over 80 members.

By breaking the rules and lying to bureaucrats I was given the opportunity to do real good. By using their own rules and norms against them, they were left defenseless to my ability to do what needed to be done.

It's not always so easy - for all their pomp and circumstance, the Mormon church has very little power to do anything real to me. They can all agree that I was Bad or Defective, and they can tell me that they all agreed on that, and they can all tell me that because they agreed on that their punishments have to mean something, but their pretend rules don't make a difference when people are doing the real work. The impossible standards of perfection held by people who can't see past their own eyes, their views of how the world would work if everyone followed their rules, their belief that their rules made them more effective, didn't actually matter to me. I knew that their rules were false to me, so I broke them. Openly, directly, to their faces, and I changed the world of that tiny congregation.

And while the world was changing, I knew that they wanted me to believe their truth come hell or high water, no matter the cost, to uphold the integrity of their desire for the world to work the way they're told it is supposed to even at the cost of my objective reality. They wanted me to ignore the hurting of real people, to ignore the real distress that was happening and the real needs I could see in front of my fucking face, to pretend alongside them that the fantasy of an ideologue could come true in their minds. They wanted me to not see what was happening in front of me so that I could pretend alongside them that something different was happening. So that I could pretend the insane dream of a man so distant from The Work he couldn't even pretend to remember what it was like was real and meaningful.

In his dream-the-impossible-dream world, where everybody is readily and excitedly awaiting the opportunity to be baptized, where everyone will automatically, willingly alter their entire lifestyle to conform to his own expectations of how they should live, where everyone is able to give up anything at the drop of a hat and be rewarded for it, and where the only permanent aspects of people's identities were the ones he liked, his vision was doable. But in the real world, where I was living, it was incomprehensibly stupid, and so detached from reality that actively trying to enact The Dream would have been harmful.

This story is about missions being stupid, but it is also about abstinence only sex ed. It's about tax-exempt churches. It's about cutting social safety nets. It's about pontificating about values and virtues online but never acting on them in a tangible way. It's about being so concerned with nostalgia, or with an impossibly idealistic world, or being so concerned with maintaining virtue, that you overlook the person in front of you. It's about getting so caught up in playing by the rules that we get paralyzed. It's about not getting anything done.

Do what it takes, even if it means disregarding others. Do what it takes, even if it means betraying the dream world you want to live in. Do what it takes, even if you know it's gonna make people mad. Because no matter how they feel, no matter how many delusional dreamers feel put off by your actions, you will have done more than their fantasies have ever done. Lift where you stand, change the lives of people you know, build your communities, and do it by giving them what they actually need. Do it by giving them what you can see is required, even if it's not considered worthwhile. Use your eyes to see and your ears to hear the humanity around you, and the carceral nature of the overly rigid "perfect" fantasy world can disappear for you too.

And, as always, read more Terry Pratchett, snuggle your cats and loved ones, be gay, do crime.

Love y'all <3

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

so this is based on my ramble in the byler discord but im gonna try and compress it into something readable n shit

So in the recent panel with my king Finn Wolfhard, my boy dropped a hint. A very important hint.

"The differences? Mike's a lot more brave than me. I don't think I'd be out there in a different dimension trying to save my friend and be in gunfights and stuff like that. Yeah he's way more brave than I could ever be."

A different dimension??

So Mike is going to the UD in S5. Im very unsurprised and im sure you are as well but lets fuckin talk about it bc holy fuck.

So I know this is the byler community but listen to me when i say, hold my hand and look me in the eyes when i say, I highly doubt that this friend Finn is talking about is Will. ESPECIALLY if byler is canon. Finn is very media trained and you can read legit anything he has ever said about the show and know how good he is about keeping secrets. If this friend was will we wouldn't have mentioned it. It's too close to the danger zone. He would have said something like 'i dont think i'd be out there fighting monsters and risking my life' or something like that. Which is much more vague and can apply to all seasons.

My theory is that this friend is max. CALL ME CRAZY. it could be anyone and I dont have exact reasoning on why its Max other than the fact that shes the only friend actively in danger rn and i adore madwheeler friendship with my heart and soul. But imo its def not Will and its not El.

Now if you go through the main characters there are only (if my memory is correct) 3 characters who havent been to the UD yet.

Lucas, Jonathan and Mike.

Other Characters:

El- Season 1 during the school battle (possibly sooner in the lab idk)

Will- all of s1 duh

dustin- season 4 with eddie

max - season 4 when she was vecna'd

nancy- season 1 in the forest or in s4 with robin and steve to kill vecna

steve- watergate and with nancy and robin

robin - season 4 with nancy and steve

hopper- im p sure hes been more than once but season 1 to find will

joyce- same thing i think shes been more than once but to find will in s1

So Lucas, Jonathan and Mike.

What do these 3 characters all have in common.

They are all a part of one of the main relationships that had issues in season 4. And what are these problems? Lets assess.

Jonathan is stressed because he doesnt want to go to the same school as nancy. He wants to tell her but he knows that she'll give up what she wants to be with him. He doesnt want to hold her back. Nancy feels shut out and afraid that Jonathan doesnt love her anymore. She wants to be together but she doesnt want to put Jonathan in a situation where he has to choose something over something else. They are having issues communicating.

Lucas is stressed about max because he wants to be there for her. Max is shutting him out due to the fact that she feels unworthy of his love or because she is scared of getting hurt and attached to someone. Lucas is hurt because he feels max doesn't trust him. They are having issues communicating.

Mike is stressed about about two people. El and Will. And for this brief moment we're going to look at this in a non byler pov. Mike is stressed about El because he doesn't know what she wants. He wants them to be happy but they aren't and he's not sure how to fix that. He also doesnt ask. Communication issue. Mike is stressed about Will because they aren't talking the way they used too. They dont tell each other anything anymore. They've drifted and Mike doesn't know what's going on anymore. Communication issue.

Interesting.

Thoughout the series the UD has been used as a symbol of all the hard things. Depending on what theories you believe (*cough* lonnie *cough*) this can have more or less meaning but lets assess how going to the UD has affected two of these relationships so far.

Jancy-

Jancy in season one was very tense. they were not friends for a good part of the season. They had constant issues with each other and fought a lot. Then barb goes missing. Will goes missing. They go to the forest in an attempt to figure it out. And Nancy ends up in the UD. Her going into the UD and making it out alive is the catalyst for her and Jonathan to get past their differences, to see each other for who they are and to put their pride aside enough to work together and appreciate the other as a fellow person.

Lumax-

Lumax had a lot of issues with communication and not being able to understand each other in the beginning of s4. They couldn't see eye to eye no matter what lucas did and max was very shut out. Then Max get's vecna'd and comes back. And then lumax finds the strength to communicate for the first time in the season, to see where the other is coming from and allow the other to be there for them.

So what does this mean for Mike. Well, both nancy and max had something that they we're struggling to overcome. A fear that they couldn't escape. Nancy's was barb and Max's was billy. Jonathan and lucas both have something they are afraid to express. Jonathan's is that he wants something diff than nancy and Lucas is that he wants to be there for her but doesnt want to intrude. All of these characters were pushed to solving these issues because of the Upside down (well jancy's recent issue hasn't been solved yet but ykwim).

Mike is going to go to the UD. Which is going to push him into a state of giving in on holding back his feelings. He's going to have to overcome something

El wants to be together, to be happy.

Will is afraid of his feelings, afraid of letting himself want what he wants and being hurt. He feels unworthy of love.

And Mike doesnt want what El wants. Mike loves Will but he is afraid of intruding.

So anyways thats why mike going to the UD means internalized homophobia thanks for coming to my ted talk i'd love to hear yalls ideas :D

[dickgraysonisnothereforthis]

didn’t realize this was the liberal arts, part 2

Jason decides to ask you out for coffee. turns out you’re an asshole.

Part 1 is here

Back again. It’s a series, I’ve decided. This was born because I’ve already written reader as a bitch but it’s funny (see my vampire!reader series), now I want to write reader as a bitch but it’s mean. Jason’s still sad. Like I said, you’re mean.

Swearing. No use of y/n I don’t know how long this is.

————

Jason decides to scout you out. He finds nothing.

It’s extremely irritating. He would expect that there would be something, anything, to suggest that the person he sits next to in his seminar is the same one who goes out and cracks heads at night. But there’s nothing. You seem to be perfectly normal, you act in class like any other person would. Your emotions aren’t heightened, you’re never deeply angry, or deeply upset, or deeply confused. You’re not deeply anything. The most he can say is you get mildly frustrated.

Which is fair. You get frustrated when someone makes a frustrating point. He gets it.

But that’s it. You giggle quietly when someone makes a joke, you purse your lips as you consider a question, you nod when you agree with someone. Other than that, you give him nothing. It’s almost enough to make him believe he didn’t see you beating up his perp last week.

Almost. But he’ll never get the image of you scowling at him, standing over a knocked out drug dealer, out of his mind. That’s there rent free, as it were.

He studies you. Your clothes are exceedingly normal, you wear jeans and sweatshirts. Nothing noteworthy, except Jason does a double take one day because that’s definitely the sweatshirt you wore when Red Hood caught you in the act. And you’re wearing it again like it’s no big deal. At least you’ve cleaned it.

Are you a psychopath? Is this some Patrick Bateman, American Psycho shit? Maybe. It doesn’t seem like you have that many friends. Or any, really. While the other people pair off or leave class in groups, you walk out on your own. Again, fair. He’s a loner, too.

Besides, Jason doesn’t think you’re a psychopath. You weren’t coolly beating the shit out of the guy when he found you, you were furious; uncontrolled anger pushing you forward.

Heh. Been there.

Jason does a cursory search for you online, which also comes up empty. You don’t have any social media accounts, and your last name is an extremely common one that gives him no leads. He could slip into Red Hood and illegally widen his net, but that feels…invasive. The obvious place to start is to take a crack at the Gotham U servers and see if he can access your student account. That’ll get him your phone number and banking info, at the very least. But doing that to a fellow student doesn’t sit right with him. That’s not the only option; he could break into your apartment, or even snatch your phone out of your bag. He doesn’t like that, either.

Jason decides to do an experiment. He asks you out for coffee.

It’s weird. Really weird. It’d be easier if he were working undercover on a Red Hood op, then he could slip into any number of personas. But you already know him as that one dude from your lit class. And if he declares as an English major at the end of next semester, which he probably will, you might be in other classes together. He can’t slip into and out of your life on a whim, he has to do this as Jason.

That makes it a million times harder.

It is hell getting up the courage to talk to you in the first place. Maybe this should surprise him, but it doesn’t. He hasn’t talked to a normal person since before he died. Everything from that point on has been cold, cruel planning, or rebuffing the clumsy attempts of Bruce and Dick to get back in touch. The only people he talks to on the regular are the criminals he’s scaring crapless. And he sure as shit hasn’t made any friends at the university, whether that’s by his design or rough coincidence. This is his first time trying to make a friend in years.

Is that what he’s doing? Does he want to be your friend? That one confuses him. It’s the first time he’s tried to get close to anyone his age since he woke up. Definitely the first time he’s done it as Jason. Does this count as making a friend? If he’s only getting close to you because it’s easier than doing it as Red Hood?

It makes him scratch his head. That’s above his pay grade.

So, asking you out is hard. He decides to rip the bandaid off after your next class. While everyone is packing up, he clears his throat to get your attention.

You look up from your bag. When you register that it’s Jason talking to you, your eyes become guarded. It makes him lose his focus. What was that for?

“Yeah?”

“Uhh…” your gaze becomes disbelieving as he fumbles. “I’m Jason.” He winces.

“Yeah.” His face flushes. This is humiliating. Is it his imagination, or are the other students giggling at him? Is the prof looking at him in sympathy?

Oh my god. Why is this so fucking hard?

“Are you…do you want to get coffee?” He runs his hand over the back of his head. Somewhere, Dick is laughing at this, Jason’s first time asking someone on a date as a college kid.

Is he asking you on a date? His eye twitches.

You still haven’t answered, and Jason’s hoping you’ll turn him down just to put him out of his misery. He’ll leave with his tail between his legs and resigns himself to breaking into your apartment.

“Yeah, okay.”

Jason picks up his head, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. Oh. Great. Mission accomplished.

Something inside jumps at the thought of anyone wanting to spend time with him. Like a flower stretching toward the light.

He temporarily ignores it. Again, above his pay grade.

“Now?” you ask quizzically. Jason shrugs.

“Yeah, why not?” Might as well get this over with.

“Okay.” You finish packing up and follow him out of the building. When you realize he’s heading toward the student center, you frown. “There?”

“Uh, yeah.” It was the only place that had come to mind. “There’s a cafe inside.”

“Do you mind if we go somewhere off campus? This one jacks up the prices.”

Jason tries something he’s seen in movies. “It’s on me.” He gives you an awkward smile.

Your eyes narrow. After staring at him for a few seconds, you shake your head. “No thanks. I’d rather just go somewhere else, if that’s cool.”

Huh. “Yeah, sure,” he says easily, and lets you lead the way. Maybe your refusal should seem strange, but it doesn’t. He’d have done the same thing.

You’re silent as you lead him off campus and a few blocks over to a nondescript coffee shop. It’s not cute or anything, the decoration is minimal, and there are only a few people inside.

He coughs. “You come here often?” On its way out he realizes it sounds like a pickup line, but he genuinely wants to know.

Your eyes narrow at him again. “Sometimes.”

Wow. If you’re going to have a stick up your ass, why’d you agree to come with him in the first place?

Moving aside, you gesture at him to order. He gets a small black coffee with room for milk. You order the same. He finds himself wondering if that’s deliberate, or just your normal coffee order.

You both dump in milk, and Jason notices you sprinkle some cinnamon on top. This is a useless detail.

He hears you scoff. Glancing up, he sees you’ve caught him staring into your cup. He flushes, but lets a sheepish grin unfold on his face. You ignore it, turning and stalking off to a table.

What the hell is your problem? He trails after you, dropping into a seat across from yours. You set your coffee on the table and fold your arms over your chest, glaring at him.

“So, uh…” he racks his brain. “How do you like the class?”

“It’s fine.”

He waits a moment, but you don’t ask any follow up questions. “What do you think of Paradise Lost? Do you like it?”

“Oh, sure. ‘Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven,’” you recite easily.

Jason resist the urge to analyze your choice of quote. For one, it feels stupid, and for another, it’s arguably the most famous quote in the whole poem. That’ll get him nowhere.

“Yeah,” he says lamely. You raise your coffee to your lips.

Again, he waits for you to ask him a question, but you remain silent, drinking your coffee steadily. Damn. Why the hell are you so closed off? He squints at you, and you stare back openly. You’re deliberately trying to keep him in the dark. But then why did you agree to get coffee?

Faced with your hostility, he relaxes. You clearly don’t like him, so what does he have to lose?

“What do you think you’ll study?” he asks you.

You flick something off your sweatshirt. “Literature, probably,” you say off-handed.

He nods. “Me too,” he offers, but you stare at him blankly.

He chuckles. Seems like you’re an asshole, but this is actually kind of fun.

“Why’d you come to Gotham U?” he prods.

You shrug. He opens his mouth. “Really? No reas—”

“Why did you come to Gotham U?” you cut across him bitingly.

That stops him short. He can’t help it, he shrugs, knowing you won’t like it.

You roll your eyes. He stifles a grin.

“Did you grow up in Gotham?”

“Yes.” You don’t elaborate.

“Where?”

“Did you grow up in Gotham?” you parrot instead of answering.

He inclines his head at you, smiling. “Yeah.”

“Where?” Jason doesn’t answer, smiling knowingly at you. You scoff and look away.

“You got any siblings?”

You hesitate. Jason clocks it eagerly. “Yeah,” you say, a second later.

“How many?”

“You got any siblings?” you ask instead of answering.

That pulls Jason up short. He should’ve seen that one coming, probably should have avoided it by not asking you in the first place. He pauses, for much longer than you did. He half notices you catch it, but his mind is elsewhere.

Does he have any siblings? That would mean he has a father. He can’t go down that path.

He chews on his lip, absently watching you watch him. Bruce might not be his father, but Dick…he and Dick are something. Not friends, definitely not friends. Maybe brother is the best word.

“Yes,” he settles on eventually.

You raise an eyebrow, and he braces himself, but you don’t ask him how many. Instead, you look away, gulping down your coffee.

You’re obviously not going to make an effort. Jason tries again. “What do you do for fun?”

“Nothing.”

He bursts out laughing, and you look at him accusatorially. He can’t help it.

“No sports or anything like that?”

“No.”

“No martial arts?”

This gets your attention. “Maybe,” you say begrudgingly. “Why do you want to know?”

Jason leans back in his chair. “Just trying to make a friend.” He looks at you earnestly, barely hiding his glee.

“Pick someone else.”

That makes him laugh all over again. What crawled up your ass and died? By the way you’re acting, you’d think it was Jason.

His laughter seems to make you furious. “What do you do for fun, then?” you shoot across the table.

Jason smiles, laughter dying out. “Nothing,” he looks at you innocently. Actually, it’s the same shit as you.

You glare at him, lifting your coffee to your lips. Jason realizes your cup is almost empty. You’re probably trying to escape, but Jason’s having too much fun to let you get away. Besides, he’s still got some questions.

“You done? Here, let me get you a refill.” He jumps to his feet before you can stop him, all but running to the counter. Getting your coffee gives him time to think.

So martial arts, huh? That’s what he’d thought. He’s seen you move around campus, you can’t be that well trained, or you’re taking great pains to hide it. Jason’s got good eyes though, and he thinks you’re pretty unskilled. That’s enough to get the drop on most petty criminals.

He considers this as he pays for your drink. You’re not well-trained, and you don’t have any weapons or tactical gear. You’re probably not trying to break out as Gotham’s newest vigilante. It seems like this is a short-term thing, you’re on some kind of mission.

He remembers how angry you were as you beat that guy to a pulp. Some kind of revenge mission, maybe? Plenty of reasons to want revenge in Gotham.

Jason looks back to you, half expecting you to have left when his back was turned. But no, there you are, holding a five dollar bill between your fingers. He chuckles, adds milk and a splash of cinnamon to your drink before returning to the table. You wave the money in his face, and he takes it from you.

“I get to keep the change, then?”

“No.”

He smiles, fishes out his wallet and hands you a dollar. You squint at him, holding out your hand for the remaining fifty cents. “That’s my tip, because I remembered to add cinnamon to yours.” He grins wildly.

“Okay.” You rise to your feet, pulling on your jacket. “This has been great, but I’ve got shit to do.” You pick up the coffee and walk out.

“We’ll do this again?” he calls to you. You don’t even look back at him.

Jason smirks through the rest of his coffee. He didn’t learn shit about you, but damn. This ‘date’ just made his whole week.

[maple-the-awesome]

We'll Meet Again...I Know When || Chapter 36

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x GN Reader

Words: 2,430

Overview: Given your old-fashioned personality and obsession with all things 1940s to 1980s, it’s no wonder that most people refer to you as an ‘old soul’ who would’ve rather lived back then than in the modern era. Little do they know, you already did, but with your previous life as Hollie Stark cut short, you’ve been left with some…unfinished business, to say the least. Top of your list? Finally getting to marry your thought-to-be-lost fiancé.

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CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: THAT'S F'D UP MAN

...Bucky used to have this image in his head - one of a worn-down but cozy house located somewhere far from any crowded city, at the end of an obscure dirt road that winds through country fields and hilltops.

It was one of those old white homesteads with withered color and creaking floors boards he'd promise to fix up someday, but only after the door that hangs off its hinges, letting in all the warm summer air. There would be this brown porch with a swing and hand-carved balusters - the perfect spot to sit during late evenings while watching the sun set over a freshly harvested field. The songs sung by chirping crickets and croaking toads could lull anyone asleep.

Come the holiday season, there would be a shift in peace. The entire property would transform into a winter wonderland disrupted by tiny boot prints, snow angles, and snowmen. The halls would almost always smell of some sweet treat, and the rooms would be lively with the added addition of grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins - so many cousins.

It was a vivid image for the longest time. His sisters fussing about in the kitchen, his parents and in-laws sharing stories by a fire, a handful of rambunctious children counting boxes under the tree...and a lovely wife at the center of it all.

Your entrance would be grand as you'd gracefully step down the stairs to greet guests. You'd wear this beautiful long green skirt and white blouse with a Christmas pin tacked to the front, your hair curled and pinned back after much effort that morning. The silver on your finger would catch the light perfectly as you accept your husband's hand, allowing him to guide you through those last few steps of your descent, right into his lips so that he can steal a quick kiss before anyone else can divide your attention.

...But this was only ever an image -a simple dream to keep him going during the war. Some of the other guys would fantasize about finding ‘the one’. Not Bucky. He already had a gal, and he already had a ring, too. All he needed was that worn-down but cozy house located somewhere far from any crowded city…

He'd be lying to say he hasn't still thought about it, even all these years later, however it can't exactly be called a hopeful dream anymore - not when it feels so unattainable. Now he's only reminded about all those promises he can't make, the quiet sunsets you'd never get to see together, all the holidays neither of you will celebrate. He already had the gal, but he lost her...Now he only has a ring.

It's become an annoying habit for Bucky to reach into his pocket to twirl the cold metal around his fingers. If in private, he'll even find the strength to take it into his hand and observe it closely, desperate to remember how it came to be. Did he see it in a store window once? Was it similar to something his mom or grandmother wore? What made him so sure you'd say 'yes' to this and not a more impressive diamond? …And does it even matter?

You left. You’re gone. At long last, you’ve turned your back to him, giving up just as you should've a long time ago. He should be happy. This is exactly what he wanted, isn’t it - The reason why he gave you the cold shoulder, practically ripping out your heart and stomping on it for good measure despite everything you've sacrificed to be by his side.

Without him in your life - without you constantly feeling the need to run to his side or concern yourself with his self-destructive tendencies - you'll be able to move on. You'll find an amazing partner who will treat you right and keep you safe; someone who won't put a target on your head or risk losing control of themselves and harming you.

With them, you'll be able to live a long, happy life this time around. You’ll be able to take full advantage of your miraculous reincarnation by enjoying all the wonders stolen from you in the past. They'll be there to carry you inside your dream home, to be your warm shoulder during chilly evenings, or the hand you take at the bottom of the stairs, all the while showering you with all the love you're deserving of...

"Bucky, I have loved you ever since I could remember who I used to be. Every second we've spent together - Everything I've ever done and said - It was never an act, it's always been me."

He tries to drown it out, squeezing his eyes shut with his hand clenching around the ring, yet your sorrowful voice is all he can hear.

"I've only ever wanted to see you be happy and doing well - that's my ultimate goal. While I'd like you to be that way with me - While I'd like to be happy together, if you don't -...If you don't see me as her then..."

...Damnit…What has he done?

"- Slacking on the job?"

Bucky startles all too easily, practically leaping in his own skin while stuffing the ring back into his pocket. It’s a rather suspicious reaction from someone found sitting completely isolated on the edge of a dock, however Sam’s nice enough to not draw attention to that - not immediately, at least.

"Relax. I bring refreshments," He instead takes some pride in being able to sneak up on the super soldier, smirking as he holds up two chilled bottles of beer. Passing one to Bucky, he invites himself to sit down and hang his legs over the water in a similar fashion, “‘least I could do in exchange for all your help today.”

“...Will it be enough to help your family out?” Bucky asks after a moment of silence. With ease, he flicks off the cap of his bottle before wordlessly reaching over and doing the same to Sam’s drink when the other man clearly struggles.

“This was only half the work,” Sam snorts before taking a drink, “It’ll still be an uphill battle from here, but once business takes off - which I’m optimistic it will - we’ll have a stable enough income to cover the rest of the repairs, maybe more, after all, most of what we did today is only a temporary fix…Of course, I’ll need to put in some hours of my own to help Sarah get to that point - assuming we ever get this Flag Smasher crap taken care of…

“I spoke to Joaquin,” He continues, dropping into a more serious note, “He’s been doing some digging on their movement since Latvia. Looks like they’ll be targeting the GRC conference next.”

“When’s that?”

“Two days.”

Bucky hums uncomfortably. He wants to say that doesn’t feel like enough time, but really, aren’t they already prepared? Sam has Steve’s shield. He’s been practicing with it nearly every spare second they haven’t been working on the boat - And isn’t half bad at it either. Paired with that new flight suit the Wakandans made for him, he should be able to hold his own against the Flag Smashers…Maybe it’s Bucky who isn’t prepared.

His mind doesn’t feel like it’s in the right place. Despite having put an end to John Walker’s shameful antics and making amends with the Wakandans by returning Zemo to their custody, he still feels distracted; anxious. In fact, he only half listens to Sam’s plan. The words about what Joanqin exactly said or their next course of action merely rumble against his ears as he fiddles mindlessly with his bottle and the precipitation that coats its glass. His thoughts are anywhere but on the mission.

“...Have you heard from (Y/n) at all?”

Sam suddenly jolts his bottle away from his mouth before he can even fully tilt it back. This causes a small wave of liquid to pour out which he manages to at least prevent from hitting his clothes thanks to the guard of his free hand, although he's only temporarily distracted by this inconvenience. His attention quickly sets upon Bucky through a glare, "Are you serious? You're really asking about them now after how you treated them for weeks?!"

To his surprise, Bucky doesn't attempt to argue nor does he show a single ounce of offense. Instead, he bows his head in shame while redirecting his gaze out to the sea, "I know. I'm an asshole."

"...Then why?" Sam gives an exasperated sigh and a shake of his head, "I really don't get it. You have someone who cares about you enough to literally be reborn remembering you, yet you threw them aside despite clearly loving them back - and don't give me that bullshit ‘I don’t’ excuse. Everyone can see it. I see it. Sharon saw it. Hell, even Zemo made his comments, so why? Why play this stupid game, treating them like shit which makes you both miserable as all hell when you could just be together already? When you could both just be happy?"

"It's not that simple...They could do better," There’s a brief pause where neither of them say a word, however there’s a thick judgment in the air as Sam stares daggers into the side of Bucky’s head, eventually forcing him to explain his point after a distressed sigh similar to Sam’s previous one.

"...I'm scared...I'm scared that if I let myself love them again, I'm going to end up losing them again. I'm the reason Hollie's dead. I'm the one who killed her regardless of what she or anyone else says. I’m the one who pulled that trigger.

"And - And I know the Winter Soldier is gone. I know I ended that nightmare - That it’s supposed to be over and done with, but even if that’s true, it doesn't mean that part of my past is erased! At any given moment, someone from that past could show up. They could come looking for me - Looking for revenge, and God forbid Hollie gets wrapped up in the consequences. She already has been with all this damn super soldier serum crap and look what happened! She could’ve been killed back there! One wrong move and it would’ve been her instead of Lamar.

“...I -...I can't lose her again, Sam…” Bucky’s free hand rips through his hair, gripping at strands as he lets out a stammered breath that’s barely choking back a sob, “Fuck, I can't live with that all over again. (Y/n) was the only reason I was able to the first time around. I can’t do it without either of them..."

Sam frowns, wordlessly watching his friend’s breakdown in quiet contemplation. He had a feeling that something like guilt would be Bucky’s motivation behind rejecting you. Seeing his reaction to your injury back in Latvia only seemed to confirm it, but this is much worse than he thought.

Returning his drink to his lips, he hesitates for a second before committing to a response, “...So you decided to avoid her, causing her all this heartbreak and stress in the moment to avoid the possibility - not even a guarantee, just a possibility that she could get hurt in the future if she keeps associating with you?"

"...She already wasted a life on me. I thought that if I could push her away - If I didn’t give her a choice in being together, maybe even make her hate me and leave on her own - that she'd be able to move onto better things. Find someone who could actually give her what she de -"

"- That's fucked up, man," Sam remarks harshly while finally taking that sip of his beer.

Bucky groans at the lack of sympathy he receives, however he voices no arguments for his own defense. Instead he takes full responsibility for his actions, dropping his head into his hand in defeat. Sam’s right. It is fucked up of him. He’s a complete asshole and his ‘buddy’ doesn’t stop himself from rubbing it in further:

“You know, there are guys out there who would kill just to have a girl look at them once with the amount of love and respect as they did you. You had a girl who was so whipped for your sorry ass that she chased you around through not just one, but two lifetimes, yet instead of considering yourself lucky, you decided to punish the two of you for basically no reason…And I’m gonna take a wild guess in saying you never once told them any of this, did you?”

“You know what they’re like, Sam. If I told them the truth, they’d just find all the more reason to hold on tighter and dig their feet into the ground…There’d be no convincing them to leave even if for their own good.”

Sam snorts, "Yeah, you're probably right about that. It seems that Stark stubbornness is strong enough to bleed into different lives…but you know, stubbornness like that isn’t always a bad thing. It just goes to show how much you mean to them and how much they're willing to fight for you.

“...I think you need to just be honest with them. Don’t you think you at least owe them that? I mean, in your own scrambled logic, they’ve already sacrificed a lot for you, right? Might as well pay back some of that debt by facing them like a man and saying what’s on your mind. Otherwise they’re just gonna go on thinking that they were somehow the issue while you’ll be left moping around in self pity with no resolution in sight for all this drama you created.”

Bucky huffs at Sam’s pointed blame, although he does still contemplate his advice. You probably hate him by now - No, you definitely hate him after the way he’s been treating you. Would you even care to give him the time of day to explain things? You’ve already tried that to no anvil. It’s a little too late to apologize, but like Sam said, if he doesn’t, will this feeling of guilt ever go away?

Sam sighs again, this time setting his bottle down on the dock with a 'clink' before standing up, "...Tell you what: you can stay at my sister's house with us for the night. In the morning, I'll make a big o' breakfast which you'll use as fuel to get your ass to (Y/n)'s place where you'll both talk things out like the grown adults that you are...Deal?"

Bucky rotates his grip on his bottle, glancing through the corner of his eyes at the hand Sam holds out towards him before at last taking it, "...Deal."

Next Chapter [coming soon]

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@arunabrak

@lovemesomevesey

[theteapotofdoom]

give me a pitch why should i watch severance whats the deal

Oh man, this is going to sound like a copout, but the best pitch I can give you is "bro just trust me" because I genuinely believe that you will have a great time going into it blind.

That being said, I fully accept that this might just be a "me" thing because I had some of my best movies/series experiences when I took a leap of faith and I went into the story with no idea of what I was about to experience.

So I'll still give you two pitches, one very vague and one more precise with just the premise of the show.

Vague pitch: An extremely original yet easily relatable concept treated to the max of its potential. The main idea is genius in its simplicity because it leads to a lot of crazy concepts that will probably stick with you for a long time. In a way, it's a very Lynchian series, not because it specifically refers to David Lynch's work, but because it feels like the people working on Severance grew up with Twin Peaks and many other of his projects. It's mundane yet surrealist, familiar yet alien, at times hilariously and at other times terrifyingly offputting. Beyond the concept and the great writing, the cinematography is also on point: the directing, the shots, the music, the colour palette... it all feels incredibly unique. The cast is also crazy good, you have some surprisingly big names who are at the top of their game, but also some lesser-known actors who shine just as bright as the other stars. Someone on Twitter described this show as "quietly devasting sci-fi" and I agree completely. Also old man yaoi.

Now a more detailed pitch under the cut (not big spoilers, everything I mentioned here is revealed in the first episode).

Did you ever wish you could separate your work self from your real self? Did you ever wish you could relax at home without thinking about your work, or maybe wish that you could go to work without being distracted by your real-life issues? This is the concept explored by the show. In a nonspecified near future (very Black Mirror in vibes) the mega-corporation Lumon developed a form of brain surgery that allows people to completely sever themselves from their life at work. Basically, they have no memories of their life while at work and they have no memories of their work while at home, essentially creating two separate minds sharing the same body. So one side is perpetually free from work, while the other is ... well, constantly at work with no contact with the outside world.

A very simple idea, but I think you can already imagine the crazy possibilities coming with it.

I'll be honest, as an aspiring writer, I'm deadass jealous of this show. That's how good it is.

And also did I mention old men yaoi?

[demonstars]

i find people are very weird towards the thought of george being nd in any way i just don’t understand why though

Because they are thinking of neurodivergency as a shield from the criticism they have of him, most prominently the idea that he is lazy and not fit to be a content creator because he is not suplying his fanbase with enough content and thus his fanbase is undeserved. But obviously and whether or not he is neurodivergent or not, the qualities they claim him to have are just a negative lense to comorbidities he presents. executive dysfunction, trouble focusing, perfectionism to the point of not doing anything are things you can find in adhd autism ocd addictions ptsd etc. these are just things that happen to people with different disorders and literally just Observing how george behaves in social contexts is how you understand he is most likely to have audhd than other neurodivergencies (per example, his thing with smell or the way he speaks). when you are talking about laziness, you are describing a not action that can be caused by a million things, like decision fatigue, being overwhelmed by sensory input, or a lack of motivation in life. Understanding neurodivergency as a series of things that your brain does differently than what you were led to believe was the norm is like step one of becoming less bigoted, but it is important to go beyond in that understanding and comprehend that the way your brain works is the way you understand and Behave in the world, and no amount of Studying What Normal People Do changes that basis. Some folks think that a neurodivergency stamp is a way to allow someone to just not do shit with their lives and have no agency and thus no responsabilities, and some nd people even internalize this and act entilted for this reason. I think that people are seeing these very clearly neurodivergent traits in a negative fashion and at the thought of being bigoted they're simply lashing back because they think their reasons to resent george are greater than the change of being a bad person, and also "allowing" george to be neurodivergent means they "must" give him more grace. I think there's also this weird vibe in some anons I've seen where george being neurodivergency means that now everyone must be kind to him and like I think we should be kind to him regardless. I wouldn't care if george didn't make content ever again tee bee ache I would miss him and his content era but it's not a requirement for me to talk about him fondly and I don't think him being neurodivergent makes it that it's more "acceptable" he is not producing things. he is simply a guy who does content because he likes to and if that ever changes then it will be sad but we will all move on. And I think you can disagree on that on principle that ccs Owe us content but I will never live life that way I can't conceptualize how that is your truth but I do not care to think about it further than accepting that I understand content differently than other people in our fandom. TLDR I think that people should read more recent literature on the ever evolving nature of neurodivergency and well some people would call me ableist for asking people to read more so. I actually don't have a tldr i am so using that concept wrong. Also while I just said I have read about this most of my conception on audhd comes from being autistic and living with very autistic people and also not knowing about this til I was like 16

[hongjoongspoetry]

hongjoongspoetry's tumblr wrapped, 2024

Thank you @bvidzsoo for the tag!! 🩷

2024 review

2024 was the year I really got into writing for ateez. I've been writing fanfics since middle school and used to be in a lot of different fandoms. I used to post on wattpad, but was never consistent or managed to finish any of my stories. Ateez is the first group/fandom that I've really kept writing for a long period of time and not lost interest in, plus I've also managed to write complete oneshots and am almost even done with my first series (ever)!!!

Total statistics of 2024

- no. of fics: 8 - wc: 151.3K - no. of wips: 9

Genres explored in 2024

Horror, action, romance, dystopia, historical, sports fiction, slice of life, comedy, pirate fics (that one's in the drafts but it was written in 2024), can't forget the golden trio of fluff, smut and angst!!

first fic of 2024: Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches

- posted: feb 17th - pairing: Idol!San x F!Reader - comments: I believe this was my first ever ateez fic and it was actually "self indulgent" too. As stated in the author's note, I have a fear of giving birth and it's known in my primary family, but no one takes my fear seriously. So, back then, wrote the things I needed to hear in the moment and it was to have someone be understanding of my feelings.

longest fic: Bones, Blood and Teeth Erode

- posted: oct 8th - pairing: non idol!Yunho x F!Reader - comments: I never imagined to write something pushing 40k words!!! I'm actually amazed and proud of myself for finishing it. It was certainly a challenge as BBATE wasn't anything I've written before.

last fic: A Love Written in Gold | Chapter 1

- posted: nov 8th - pairing: Proletarian!Hongjoong x Nobility!Reader - comments: I'm so excited for this fic and everything I've planned for it!! I was originally not going to post it until Cold Hands, Warm Heart was done, but I couldn't hold myself from writing lmaooo.

top 3 most popular fics of 2024

Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches

- posted: feb 17th - pairing: Idol!San x F!Reader - comments: so this is getting quite repetitive 😭 it is what it is lmaoo, im just happy people could find comfort in my writing. Back then, I didn't expect it to get the attention it did or that people would reach out and tell me how much they feel seen.

Too Sweet

- posted: apr 24th - pairing: Upcoming rockstar!Yunho x F!Reader - comments: This fic is entirely inspired by Hozier's Too Sweet. I was obsessed with that song when it came out and I think I listened to it on REPEAT. I just had to write a fic to it and at the time, it was the longest fic I had eve written!

Baby, Love Me Lights Out

- posted: sep 21st - pairing: Idol!San x GN!Reader - comments: okay so this one, I just wrote it for shits and giggles 😭 that was the day I learned just how much atiny love drunken san lmaooo.

mina's personal picks

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

- posted: jun 3rd - pairing: hockey player!mingi x figure skater!reader - comments: this is my fav fic (series) from 2024! I've always wanted to do an ice sports fanfic, but never really had the time nor like "knowledge" to do it when I was younger lmao. I have so many ideas for this fic and this universe overall because the other boys will have their own stories later on, so they are all connected!! AND we get small cameos/easter eggs in each series of what the other boys' fics will be about! Although there are a lot of readers who liked CHWH, I'm still a bit sad it didn't get more recognition as I did put in a lot of thought behind it, but I'm still happy its almsot done. Mainly because it's my first ever series and well, I just love the characters I've created

A Love Written in Gold

- posted: oct 8th - pairing: Proletarian!Hongjoong x Nobility!Reader - comment: Okay, so season 3 of bridgerton really sparked this idea of writing a bridgerteez fanfic and I just had to write something for my bias! I'm a sucker for the forbidden love trope so this was the perfect fic to use it for lmaooo. No, but this is also a fic I have so so so much to planned for and I really can't wait to share it with you!! It's also really fun to write, which I can say I don't feel the same for some fics. If you have time and love bridgerton, I advice you to give it a chance!

2025 goals

One of my goals for 2025 is to write more and publish more fics than I did in 2024, but I don't know if I will achieve it as I'm swimming in work from uni hahah. If not, then I at least wish to finish my series cold hands, warm heart and a love written in gold before 2025 ends. I also want to start writing the next instalment Puzzle Pieces!

No pressure tags: @ennysbookstore @solaris-amethyst @seongwars @desirehorizon @everyonewooeverywhere + anyone else who wants to do this! 🩷

[bmbly17]

This kind of comment has always made me feel bad (but for the people who write them). How much have you had to suffer to send such toxic messages? What are you afraid of? After finishing Season 2, people have started to see that there’s something between Cait and Jinx, and I don’t care what you want to call it or label it. But then they have to admit that, of course, it’s not romantic because, you know… What are you afraid of? That people will cyberbully you, like the Caitjinx shippers have been suffering for years. It often feels like people don’t give Caitjinx a chance because of the more extreme fans out there, and I’m not even talking about making 100% explicit content of them (which, well, this also adds to the unjustified hate Caitlyn receives, which is another topic). And then there’s the Canon, the HOLY SCRIPTURES OF CANON, because, of course, these people have seen the Spider-man movie, and, of course, the moral of the story is that you can’t go against canonical events, and of course, WHAT IS CANONICAL? Caitvi and Timebomb. The end. And anything that’s not this (excluding Lightcannon) goes to the burning pit. These are fictional characters, in a fictional world, and while there are things that are based on reality, this world, the characters, their actions or inactions, can’t be judged with the same lens as real life, for God’s sake. And once again, guys, starting to ship Caitjinx and creating content about them won’t change Arcane. It’s not like one day the producers will wake up and say, "Hey, now Caitjinx is trending, so you know what, we’re going to make skins with them showing that they like each other, and now we’re going to make a new series that will cost us 200 million dollars, ONLY because Caitjinx is canon." Which I hope, but I don’t know Rick, seems fake…

maybe this is mostly a tiktok thing, but bitches will wax poetic about caitlyn and jinx’s similarities and differences, their contrasting roles in the story, how they wish they’d had the chance to get along because they’re so similar, and then end the post with 5 different disclaimers to the tune of “in a PLATONIC way. NOT a ship post, if you ship them you’re YUCKY and GROSS and MORALLY CORRUPT because that would be TOXIC.” like are you kidding me? just because you don’t like it isn’t a reason to suddenly shame others for enjoying it, especially when 99% of the time they ship caitvi, which, after season 2, is just as unhealthy than caitjinx, and could be even more unhealthy depending on your interpretation. can’t stand when ppl try to claim their fav toxic ship isn’t toxic then turn around and harass other toxic ship enjoyers who have the balls to acknowledge or enjoy any toxicity beyond just brief dislike to lovers

.

[niti-who]

NO PLEASE NO.... 😭😭 At least we had a nice happy ending in Season 2 and I was able to get to know you dear fans. And thanks to the series, Rhys and Cryptid Factor too. And I was able to experience Taika as an actor. (one of the few times I've seen him) I just say THANK YOU DAVID!! Our captain 🫡🏳️‍🌈🏴‍☠️ Don't Forget.. We talk it Through.. as A Crew..

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