#and the only reason I really did it was bc I have the Harry concert and I had this cute outfit planned the hair I wanted matched

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

Ellaaaa please tell us about your show!!! I want the whole account (if you want to/when you have time ofc)!! I'm so happy you got to hear fine line live ahhh you totally deserved it!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH KIND ANON I CAN SCREAM ABOUT IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

so we had front of stage tickets and it was 100% the best ticket ive ever had so far: zero effort for an insane view and a fantastic place in the crowd with all the space we needed to dance and more. i've queued before and just really never want to again for more than enough reasons, and here was shown how i seriously didn't need to.

wet leg was epic. i am obsessed with them they are so fucking cute and also cool and also hot and also good. yes. i screamed my frustrations to the sky with them and all was good in the world.

and then. i'll just say immediately that the setlist is fantastic and definitely the best collection of songs i've ever heard of his, despite lights up not being there. the beginning was super fun and energetic, he is a master showperson, but it's in a way that is uniquely his. you can look at him and be in awe of the grandiose performance filling that entire stage, and then see that he's also smirking, skipping along the runway and pulling faces at his band. it's just. !!!!!!!!! you know?!?!?

my soul left my body during stockholm syndrome. goosebumps forever, bc of the sheer disbelief that im hearing a 1d song live. harry smiling, us screaming.

i've always wanted to hear she live, too, so that was just... mesmerizing. there were orchids projected on stage and it was all so perfectly fitting. our orchid, our mermaid. note the colors as well :')

then it was a big fucking party. just dancing and singing like we've never done before. he really felt happy and like he felt good, so happy and jokey. he grabbed Three pride flags during tpwk, and this was my first time witnessing the brass quartet as well. it was a BIG FUCKING PARTY

grapejuice is also so fun live. it's always such an experience to hear him sing a song live that he hasn't really sung before. i could tell that it's a tough one to sing, but he made it fun and quirky and cute.

aaaaaand THEN HE SANG FINE LINE. he sang fine line. holy shit. this is like. i grieved when he decided to stop singing it last european leg, it hit me hard. i think i've said it a shitton of times already on here but fine line is a song i listen to every morning and every night, it's the only thing that can calm me through a panic attack. it's an anthem of perseverance, hope and self-love. hearing it live was just me being transfixed, mesmerized, by what was unfolding in front of me, and slowly crying more and more. a tight tight hug from @bluewinnerangel through the sobs at the end was necessary bc we were all falling apart. in the best way

the darkness and pause after that were also necessary to get us back on track, for a show that was going to rake us through the entire spectrum of the human emotion once more. sign of the times was just. gasp

the PARTY that then ensued during wmyb. that bse intro is something else. any 1d reference obviously unlocks something unhinged in my brain that makes me fucking lose it, but hooooly shit. it goes SO HARD. wmyb always does and i'll never get sick of it.

to finish us off, of course, we have our rock: kiwi. the heaviness of that intro is addictive. his menacing gaze when he's choosing who to soak. the fucking SONG GOES SO HARD. IM HAVING YOUR BABAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

and then it was over. but it felt extra extra good bc i knew i would be experiencing it again hahahrghr and my body is definitely stiff from the legit workout i did during the concert last night so. holy shit fuck yes

[this-daydream-is-dangerous-13]

I don’t really know how to explain this without sounding rude again this TK dude but like… I always said I had basically the same taste in men as Taylor, like even YB with the limited info I had on him when they started dating I could see the appeal. She had a type very aligned to mine. So I have been completely shocked about her dating this NFL dude because there isn’t a universe where I could find him attractive, at all. He’s so not my type that I rather not see him, i don’t think he’s a bad guy but he kind of makes me think of one bc he looks like the stereotypical american dude that is a douche. And Like I get that’s maybe his appeal, the different type, but… wow. What a change in taste. Bc this guy is not only unattractive… personality wise? What i’ve seen so far seems very… attention grabbing but not in a good way. He seems to never shut up… and after years of not hearing anything about her rs this constant stream of news being like: TK said this, TK said that… is giving me whiplash. Like I get she doesn’t want to be again with a guy who won’t speak about her… but this completely the other extreme, and i doubted she wanted that either…

I just can’t get what she sees in him

Oh my goodness, Anon, YES. To virtually all of this.

I have never before had to work this hard to wrap my head around what Blondie sees in a partner. I can imagine it, sure. (Our views do not align. At all. But I can imagine what she sees.) But in the past? All the other times? I immediately understood. I didn’t always like the guys—JM creeped me out at one of his concerts I attended pre-Blondie, early on CH seemed unfaithful and kind of petty, and MH is a giant, privileged child—but it wasn’t hard for me to identify the reasons why she did.

Prior to this, these men seemed to be: handsome, lanky guys who were either kind and charismatic charmers (sometimes love bombers, which was a problem), were polite and articulate British men, or BOTH. The intersection of those two is my personal preference. Here are some of my celebrity crushes over the years (a few I discovered while watching things years after they debuted).

Charismatic charmers:

Articulate British men (some also charmers):

So her attraction to JJ or JG, or to Harry/TH/YB, and even her childhood crush on Justin T, who I loathe, made sense. (Was always a JC C girl myself, lol. And justice for Janet and Britney!)

This seems like whiplash; you are not alone in thinking that.

I am trying to view this as I do with my friends when they date partners I do not like: I am there for them. I love them (which does not shift even if I do not care for their partners). And yeah - my husband gets an earful. But I show up for them. I can do both things at once.

Hear that, Anons I have had to block? I am fine with this duality: being a Blondie fan while not being a fan of her partner. Both of these can be true.

But I haaaate that I am being forcefed TK content simply because I am a Blondie fan. I like HER. Don’t punish me by sending me content I am actively trying to avoid (men who look like him, and anything to do with the problematic NFL).

And Anon - thank you for this detailed ask.

[dylanobriengossip]

Dylan O'Brien's new problematic girlfriend Rachael Lange (2023) I Part 2

Part 1 I Part 3 I Part 4

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse…. more disturbing things came to light.

Taylor Swift, Harry Styles & Selena Gomez

Everyone knows Dylan is a Swiftie and also starred in Taylor's "All Too Well: The Short Film" and they have also been friends for a couple years now. Let's see what Rachael thinks of Taylor:

Interesting... because back in 2011 she claimed to be a Swiftie. �� Rachael (2nd from the left) with friends at what seems to be a Taylor Swift concert. The caption of the pic that one of her friends shared (fb): "Taylor Swift! Never grow up…stay this little.."

Dylan is also a fan of Harry Styles.

And many years ago Dylan used to have a crush on Selena Gomez.

After Rachael got exposed:

She went private on Twitter and deleted over 400+ Tweets (which is already an insane number) but yet still hasn't managed to delete all problematic ones 🤦‍♀️

Blocked those who called her out on all her social media accounts

Deleted the Instagram post (she had during that time) where everyone commented and called her out

Restricted the comments on all her Instagram accounts so only the ones who follow her can comment now

She also censors the comments, only those comments that praise her and whatnot are accepted to show up in the comments

Untagged herself from all the posts she was tagged in where you can see her with Dylan at the Ami Paris Fashion Week Show

Rachael deleted this video after she got backlash for it

Deleted the TikTok video where she was called out but forgot to delete the comments on her other videos

Deactivated her TikTok account but made it public again recently

The Apology

January 23, 2023 After doing all these things to hide what she did/said in the past she posted this Apology on her Twitter (obviously it had to be shared there bc that's where it happened) but it was also good enough for her to share it in a 24h TikTok Story.

You probably ask yourself why are people still upset about it. She apologized and everything is okay now. No not really because she never shared it on her Instagram account where her most followers are and obviously people also called her out on there too and not just on Twitter and TikTok. And let's be honest after all those things she said more than just that apology should have been done. So if that doesn't speak volumes... And not to forget all those marginalized communities she offended and hurt by those words. Do you really think they will be like: "She was young and didn't know better.", "Now she apologized. Just let us brush it under the rug." Even if you're not someone from those communities just take some time to think about how you would feel if you were in their position. Doesn't feel great right? So don't expect them to just accept that apology and forget about what she said. It doesn't matter what age you are. There never was and never will be a time when it's okay to say any of those things. So many other people in that age know that this is wrong and never did. So please stop defending her. She was old enough to know saying these things is wrong but kept doing it anyway. Was that apology (if she even wrote that herself or got somebody else to do it for her) genuine or not? That's up to you to decide and if you accept that or not. Everyone thinks differently about this and has a different opinion.

But think about this. What does it tell you about a person who:

After being exposed was like: "Oh no. Wait let me quickly go private on Twitter to try to remove all of that so no one can hold that against me anymore." (Screenshots exist for a reason so that didn't make things better for you or made ppl forget that js).

Again never shared that apology on her Instagram, the place with her most followers

Waited until things cooled off and didn't post anything until like a month later and came back with a post to make promo for her brand (Seriously!?! You've got to be kidding me). 🤦‍♀️

You would think someone who said all those things would do more to prove to people that they changed especially after that big amount of disgusting things. But what is Rachael doing? She keeps ignoring the elephant in the room and went back to regularly posting as if nothing happened. And remember that part where she untagged herself from posts about her and Dylan? Well.... the more and more she felt safe and made people think she changed the more she made their relationship public on her Instagram. While (as always) keeps ignoring the fact that this is damaging her & her boyfriend's reputation/image even more thanks to all those things that came out about her. How? Read that here

And as if all of that hasn't been bad enough already. They also found these:

TikTok

Rachael posted this video on her TikTok account back in 2021.

"I’m grossly proud of my scrunchie and bag coordination #fyp"

Funny you say that Rachael because...

x, x, x, x, x, x

Source

Her old AskFM account

Ana (Logan Lerman’s girlfriend) you should keep an eye out on your new bestie Rachael. 👀

Her Family

Rachael with her parents Michael and Shirley and her brother Kyle Lange.

Her brother

"In 2014, a warrant was issued for the arrest of Kyle who was 21 at the time of Friendswood, for Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Kyle and his girlfriend were fighting in the driveway of Lange's residence in the 2000 block of Pebble Lane on August 12. The girlfriend called a friend to pick her up, but when the friend arrived, Lange allegedly threatened them both with a handgun. His bond was set at $80,000 for the Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon Charge, but no bond was set for the drug charges since Lange was serving two years of felony probation for Possession of Psilocybin." Source I x

Then there are these 2 Instagram Stories of him from 2023: x, x

Rachael and her mom

and then there's this more recent one of Rachael from a couple years ago.

[emma-radfemcanu]

Hi you’re my favourite blog on tumblr and I’m always too scared to message you but I really need a friend for a moment so I’m hoping I can borrow your ear lol

So yesterday was my 25th birthday, it’s also the 15th anniversary of me becoming a Swiftie (I got Fearless on my 10th birthday as a present, instantly fell in love), but instead of being at Taylor’s Eras Tour concert in Sydney (just a state over from where I live) I spent the night at home.

All this because the ticketing company for the Aus leg of the tour is dog shit. Im on a disability pension so I had literally spent years saving up for a chance to one day see her, I didn’t even go to see Harry Styles on tour bc I’ve never seen Taylor live (I’ve never seen Harry live either but Taylor is my priority). I spent 10 hours online trying to get tickets, I didn’t have anyone to help me so I only had one chance. I never once even made it into the online ticket lobby.

I’m actually so crushed. It’s been getting me down for ages but I was hoping that for the actual day of, I might be able to go out with a friend to take my mind off it and hopefully enjoy my birthday but all my friends managed to get tickets and so went to the concert without me. Also just to rub salt in the wound I didn’t get any birthday presents, which like I get it I’m an adult and my family is pretty poor but it still would’ve been nice to at least get a card. My Mum did cook me my favourite dinner which was nice and she and my Dad tried to cheer me up by insisting I watch the SpongeBob movie with them, I used to watch it as a kid whenever I was sick, and it used to work to cheer me up but yesterday it just reminded me of spending my childhood in a hospital and having no friends. So yeah I just feel really shit.

Sorry to dump all this on you but i can’t really talk to any of my irl friends about it bc for some bizarre reason they just say I’m being ungrateful (I don’t get why but that’s just how my friends are lol). I just had to get it out of my system you know? I hope it doesn’t bum you out too much. I spent some time scrolling on your blog and as always it’s cheered me up a great deal so thank you💖

Ok anyway if you read this thank you you’re the best, I’m gonna cry in the shower now lol (btw we have the same name which I think is really cool🥰)

Another rad Emma xxx

Hello! (I am v excited that I can finally answer asks again- I meant to contact tumblr support so many times but was afraid of getting termed, but I saw the beginning of this and it made me finally do it)

I'm sorry that you didn't have a nice birthday :( it sucks when you really look forward to something and then it doesn't work out. It is what it is but you shouldn't feel bad for feeling disappointed- even if your parents did make an effort I get why you would feel sad about it

And unfortunately you definitely weren't the only one who had this experience with Eras tickets- the sales were enough of a shitshow as it was lol, I can only imagine how difficult and frustrating it must be trying to get accessibility tickets. And it was especially crappy timing for you with it being your birthday. I really hope that you'll get to see Taylor (and Harry) someday even if it wasn't to be this time

It was very sweet of you to say that you love my blog 💕 and I am always happy for people to send me stuff so please do if you want to talk!

(although just for clarification my name is not actually Emma haha, my url is a tennis pun)

[kayyy-lmao]

.

[dakbees]

i meant to reply days ago on my post and only got reminded cuz your video BUT yes I was at the chicago concert!!! I also saw people saying it was dead and I was like huh what concert are you at it's almost Too loud.. also your video of d1 <3 he deserves the world he's so sweet. I read thru some of your poets, you gave the key rings at the fansign? How'd that go? also did you do any snapshots? rly I just want to hear someone else also gush/rant happily about their time hehe

its under the read more bc this just turned into word vomit bc i miss and love them so fucking much

I WANTED TO DO SNAPSHOTS SO BAD but i alread spent over 300 on the trip (tickets themselves + hotel room + gas to get there) so i couldnt buy them BUT when i gave them all the keyrings they were sooooo sweet about it and looked so surprised that i was giving them something that wasnt a letter ToT

changmin said it was pretty and dongil said that the picture i used was cute (one side was them after they debuted and the other were the pics of them when they were kids that they posted for childrens day). my hands were shaking A Lot and almost every member held my hand when i gave them the keychains telling me i shouldnt be nervous. they looked genuinely worried and i dont blame them bc i felt like i was gonna pass out (and i started crying afterword afshbkdj) and i think they recognized me when i went back back up to do the high five + group photo bc changmin asked me if i was okay now TT (tho to be fair having bright purple hair + giving them a gift + on the verge of tears/passing out + being one of the only ppl to talk to them in korean might have contributed to that...)

also maknae line were sosososo sweet and cute. i told junseo that hes really pretty and he looked so surprised and asked 'really?' and all i could do was say yes bc the staff were starting to get upset that i was taking .5 seconds longer than i should have (even tho DKB were the ones holding my hands what did they want me to do snatch my hand away? afjshk). yuku had the brightest smile and harry june asked if i was nervous and when i told him yes he looked so worried and said 'dont be nervous!'

when we did the group photo all in was playing and me and the girl next to me started dancing and singing along before the photo and heechan turned around in surprise as if us knowing the song was a shock afhsbk but he looked so happy so see us vibing with the song and he started dancing in his seat too it was cute

also like. i dont know how to describe it but they are soooo attractive in person. photos dont do any of them justice at all. im sure u saw bc u did snapshots with some of them lol but junseo.... god i just want to tell him how handsome he is that he shouldnt listen to those ppl who tell him otherwise and that we will love him no matter what... iirc him and changmin were the only members taller than me but to be 100% honest i was too focused on not bawling my eyes out in front of them to notice much on that front lol (but i do remember yuku and lune being so tiny and cute and all of their hands were smaller than mine ashkj)

i wish i had more time to talk to them to tell them how amazing and talented they are and how proud bbs are of them but the staff were really pushy with trying to get the fansign line moving. i get it, there were a lot of us, but a guy can dream. even though the time was short they really tried their best to comfort me in the time we did have and that meant a lot <3

ALSO slightly off topic but the main reason i was close to passing out was bc of how hot the venue was while waiting for the fansign. i was sweating so bad before during and after the concert so i got some water from the bar (four fucking dollars 😒) and i talked to the bartenders for a bit. according to them, the boys were super nice and sweet and like. ofc as bbs we think that the boys are kind but hearing from someone that has no emotional connection to them and interacts with hundreds of celebrities throughout the year that dkb are sweet boys... it just.. its nice. its nice to see that theyre kind to people who are outside of the fandom bc sadly thats not the norm for every group

[snobgoblin]

heck yeah I just found this and I love it because now I have an excuse to infodump :D

I'll edit this post as the days go on, counting today as 2 bc I stayed up past midnight

1. from my dad and the radio :D it was just popular when I was a kid. Plus, my dad had an original Demon Days CD and I would just spend hours *staring* at the cover art because I thought it was so pretty. Didn't really *genuinely* get into it until about 9th grade. It was always in my life, sure, but I didnt pay it any mind until then. The first song I my 9th grade homework playlist is Feel Good (I know its basic shh) bUT then, I didnt start getting severely hyperfixated on it until relatively recently. Not sure when, maybe toward the end of last summer

2. DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE- I love them all for different reasons okay?? They all hold very special places in my heart. But.. I guess when it comes down to it, either Ace or 2-D. Ace because I vaguely remember """getting married""" to him on the playground during first grade (because I was lonely and had no friends) so he's always just been a favourite of mine. 2-D because he's very sentimental. Also because I've once been told "you're a 2-D I can just smell it" in a Gorillaz convo from a stranger so- yeah, I've just been told by a lot of people I'm very similar to him so I guess 2-D

3. number one hands down, probably my biggest hyperfixation, ever

4. I dont have any way of knowing but I'd have to guess Feel Good purely bc that's what my dad plays when he asks "what do you want to listen to?" and I usually say "idk, whatever you want" and he knows I like Gorillaz but only knows that song so he plays it. Anyway, besides that either Humility or Sleeping Powder, I listened to ONLY Sleeping Powder for like 3 months straight one time and Humility is my comfort video

5. my favourite video is hard plz- I like so many of them for different reasons!- I guess Humility bc it gives me infinite seratonin

6. oh hands down the old one where 2-D is describing what it's like to be creative, that one is absolutely beautiful and deeply resonated with me. it's a shame he doesnt say things like that anymore

7. least favourite song.. probably either the yodeling pickle one from The Fall or Ghost Train. Gives me a headache. Also one of the last ones from the "Gorillaz" album, there's wind blowing the whole time and it annoys me. I dont like that album very much in general it's too heavy on drums (ily Russel but-) and it gives me a headache

8. favourite album.. THAT IS A LOADED QUESTION- Uhhhh I guess the SONGS I most CONSISTENTLY like come from Plastic Beach, but Demon Days is a strong contender. The Fall has some songs I really love but also some I cannot stand. I love some of Humanz but i havent listened to all of it. Also, The Now Now rocks, but it's not my favourite. Song Machine has like, 3 I like and I dont care about the rest. So, anyway, probably Plastic Beach

9. I do have merch!! along with a few loose items I have 2 tshirts, the 2020 almanac, and my favourite!! Is!! the signature I got for my 18th birthday!! I absolutely adore this thing, it's a picture from phase 2 I'm pretty sure but it has Damon Albarn's, Paul Simonon's, and Mick Jones's signatures on it! So I did some research and it must be from right around 2010 (which is the time chemical X takes place!!) because they worked on Plastic Beach the song and if I understand correctly they were part of the touring crew for concerts during phase 3! its really rad

10. hmm.. depends on the person.. I guess the most palatable for a general audience would be obviously the hits like Feel Good INC, DARE, Dirty Harry, Clint Eastwood, but besides that: O Green World is really good, Sleeping Powder, She's My Collar, Humility, Tranz, and Amarillo :]

11. Even though I don't like most of the songs on Gorillaz (the album) it really is my favourite cover art, it's just so pretty and that green is so nice and <333

12. I think I'd sob violently and ascend instantly if Gorillaz covered any Jack Stauber song specifically Candy Eyes

13. Noodle would not like me at all I can tell you that right now- She's way too interesting and I'm way too awkward. She scares me and I adore her but alas she would not feel the same about me. Murdoc would also dislike me because I'm kind of a hippie and he hates them, but we might get along talking about environmentalism and old rock. I think it's hard to mess up being friends with Russ, just don't be a jerk and he'll respect you. I think I'd really get along with him, I've been told I'm kind of similar to him, maybe we'd talk about being paranoid or sm hshsh- I think 2-D is someone I have a lot in common with and in theory that would be amazing, but in practice we'd butt heads and end up hating each other, Ace would hate me for the simple fact that I am close to being a child, but I adore him. So yeah I'd probably end up hanging out with Russ at a party or sm

14. Best song to listen to when you're happy: 19-2000, 5/4, DARE, Plastic Beach (the song not the album), Humility, and People

15. I dont get sad I get hopeless depressed and vaguely angry and really wanna dance, here are some good songs for that: She's My Collar, Charger, Saturnz Barz, Tranz, Souk Eye, Fire Flies, Kids With Guns, Empire Ants, Rhinestone Eyes, To Binge, Sleeping Powder, Some Kind Of Nature, Glitter Freeze, O Green World, Every Planet We Reach Is Dead, Broken, Revolving Doors, Amarillo, PAC-MAN, Aspen Forest, and November Has Come ((JEEZ THATS A LOT-

also Sorcererz is a good one to cry in the shower to

[golbrocklovely]

i got pit tix for harry’s show here in australia and i’m so scared there’s gonna be a fight near me like the other anon said. like there was two videos of girls fighting eachother it looked so hectic. like imagine doing that at a man’s concert who preaches kindness 😭 boi what the hell boi.

and i also agree with the first anon. i saw a tiktok where a bunch of people were complaining that he sang medicine at chella because majority of the ppl there were influencers. like did they even watch the livestream ??? there were so many fans there it drives me crazy how they want to gatekeep his least popular songs and him in general just cause he’s blown up massively in the last 2 years. also saw a bunch of solo harries being really toxic about the 1d boys saying they’re nothing compared to him vocal wise and he carried one direction. i get people can have opinions but that’s just wrong to say. it was under a 1d tiktok account aswell like why feel the need? 😭😭😭

yeah i don't understand how something like that could happen lol

also that's crazy to think he only performed that song bc influencers were there. do you think that man gives a shit and half about any influencers lmaoooo

he probably played bc he wanted to give that audience a different experience than the first.

i watched the livestream of that performance and that crowd was insane and seemed to be having a blast.

and there's no reason to insult the other 1d boys just bc you love harry so much. i highly doubt he would love to see his fans tear down his best friends.

[willowistic22]

Famous!newsies

Ok so here are my famous!newsies headcanons from an a modern au i thought of if newsies were celebrities/famous yknow bcs I couldn’t get this idea out of my head and idk what to do with it other than making a headcanon list nabsnzbsvsnsbz anyways hope yall validate me after not posting any original content for like…. awhile now hehe

btw it got longer than expected. And I mean r e a l l y long. So if yall wanna read this better sit down and buckle up! 

Jack

He’s an artist on youtube

Like a modern day bob ross ig??

If yall know zhc on youtube just imagine that but not so rich (I don’t watch zhc btw but i do know that he does custom art on iphones and stuff and that is definitely not jack kelly)

Anyways Jack simply goes by Jack Kelly.

So jack does art challenges. Like does the weirdest requests from his fans left in his comment section and stuff

Or maybe challenging himself to make art from a specific theme or a specific media

Sometimes he vlogs too but his art videos are what his fans like the most

His merch is amazing because he designed the pattern/drawing/whatever yknow. It’s printed/sewed/whatever on the clothing and it’s good quality. It’s pretty lowkey for a youtuber’s merch bcs jack doesn’t like those merch that just smacks his logo on a hoodie

Davey

He’s a fantasy, YA, romance writer (he mixes it wisely ok?)

And goes by David Jacobs

Listen he’s a hopeless romantic and i’m pretty sure yall agree too

He wanted to stick to YA romance. The classic high school lovers yknow

But he wanted to challenge himself since he’s been writing about high school lovers since he was in high school

Thus the fantasy genre came in mind

So yeah he likes creating love in his own universe

Whether it’d be different worlds, universe, species, time periods, whatever.

He wanted to direct the movies based on his books, but he’s actually lowkey terrible at leading on his own. But he did stick to being the script writer and co-director (look idk how it works in the film industry i’m just making shit up)

Crutchie

He’s a solo jazz singer

Crutchie gives off Michael Buble and Jason Mraz vibes tho

And maybe a bit of frank sinatra? Yknow ‘cause he sings jazz

Also he riffs thank you very much :)

He goes by Crutchie Morris to everyone

He usually plays the acoustic guitar or piano on stage

Ok but he’s like really good with the piano

Makes the best jokes on stage too. Some are just sarcastic comments.

Crutchie asking through the microphone : “Oh, straight?”

A fan he’s talking to from the crowd : “Uhh… no, gay”

Crutchie : “no not you, the vodka”

Everyone at the concert : *laughs*

Crutchie, jokingly : “Oh, you’re drinking vodka! Straight? No gay”

(yes that was indeed inspired by that one video of Harry Styles and a fan in one of his concerts yall can’t stop me)

Kathrine

She’s a crime mystery writer

Think like the modern day Agatha Christie

Okok but she goes by Kathrine Plumber on her books :D

She chooses that genre bcs she’s a huge fan of Agatha Christie

Her favorite book from Agatha is Murder on the Orient Express

Oh and her books are sometime very gruesome alkjsfhakjsfb

Nobody check her browsing history, she’ll look like a murderer

Ok but I feel like she also has a youtube channel about books and stuff and sometimes like to vlog

She also has a writing tips series on her channel where she shares tips on some of the frequently asked questions about writing or her fans leave a specific question in the comment section and thought she could expand more to it in a full length video

Also she likes to vlog while she’s in a book convention

Her books are also turned into movies and she has done a great job directing it

Race

Yall would be lying to me if you don’t think this kid would end up being a twitch streamer and youtuber (like vlogging yknow. I feel like his gaming stuff would strictly be on twitch)

And ik it’s widely agreed by everyone in the fandom that he’s a dancer of some sort so yeah he’s also simultaneously a dancer

I don’t think I need to explain any further bcs it’s just so in character

He goes by Racetrack Higgins

Ok so he likes to vlog on his youtube channel

Sometimes does stupid challenges

Maybe he’d drag Albert to do a challenge which he always says no

“I’ll just be your cameraman dude, dw”

Race : *angery*

Since Al and Smalls are the skateboard peeps™ race is the rollerblade dude™ bcs I say so

He has three cats named Racecat Higgins, Spot Clawlon, and Romeow (i’ve mentioned it before and I will mention it again hehe) and his fans loves them endlessly

Albert

You don’t think this kid would also end up being a twitch streamer and youtuber like his bestie up there?? Lmao you thought wrong (again, gaming is strictly on his twitch)

He just goes by Albert DaSilva on the internet

And yes he’s also a dancer because I say so

On his Youtube channel he also vlogs

Half of his vlogs starts with him riding his skateboard

“Hey, guys! Welcome back to another vlog-” *falls off his skateboard for not paying attention to a curb*

It happens way more often than he’d like to admit let’s be real. His fans make a compilation of it and memes on reddit

Always wear a snapback

Snapbacks are an important element to him so his merch store is really boosting his snapbacks

And just for the wormsie discord server he has one with the word ranga on it after it being born from a stupid inside joke he, race, and both of their fanbases combined share (@ my wormsie fam thank me later)

Oh yeah, his youtube besties are Race and Smalls just so we’re clear here :) (I’ll get to Smalls in a bit)

So I always headcanon Albert having two big dobermans. So his fans always want to see a doggy update because Zara and Zoey are everything to them.

Doggo vlogs are fun. It’s usually Albert taking the two good girls to Central Park for playtime or teaching them new tricks

Spot

He’s a solo rock singer

Is an amazing singer like wow none of the newsies expected him to have that sort of pipes to reach high notes

And he does it amazingly with no sweat

Also his instrument is the electric guitar to go with his amazing singing ajsfhasjfhajhf

Anyways he goes by Spot Conlon still

And his songs are very lyrical. Like very.

A lot of metaphors. No one knows what most of his songs means.

So basically Taylor Swift songs if it switched genres to rock. And not even like songs from speak now or red. But like if evermore and folklore songs were to turn into rock songs with a little bit of reputation vibes sprinkled on top. And his concerts has the reputation era vibes but make it spot conlon (hey non swiftie fans reading this i’m so sorry i’m pretty sure yall don’t understand wtf i’m talking abt)

That is also the only way i know to describe his vibe i’m sorry but i don’t really listen to a lot of rock alkjhfasjk

Anyways it’s a known fact that he wears tank tops daily that it becomes his signature look. And also an inside joke among his fanbase

Now just picture the merch booth from one of his shows and there’s like endless tank top designs for his fans to pick and choose

He’s also crowned to be the King of Brooklyn bcs of obvious reasons

But the joke is he’s a pretty tough hardcore guy that’s a cat person

Sarah

She’s a badass female solo singer

Mostly does pop but the badass type of pop

Yes, she does go by Sarah Jacobs

Fans were really surprised Davey and Sarah are related

Because one is a hopeless romantic while the other is a total badass

Anyways she gives off Little mix, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez vibes

That is literally the only way I can describe it

She’s very lyrical, with a lot of metaphors

When she dances on stage, she d a n c e s

All while holding a mic to sing. And she hits all those high notes like it’s no ones business (a literal queen i tell you)

She and Spot are besties and has been known to have done a few collabs together

Their fans were hesitant about their collabs since their genre is pretty different from the other but they make it work and it slAPS

And among all her boppy songs with full choreography and backup singers, she always have a few songs she sings while only being accompanied by piano or guitar (Either electric or acoustic) which she plays on her own

Finch

He’s an indie pop artist with his trusted acoustic guitar by his side

Just think of music by Wallows and Lewis Capaldi were to be blended in together and Conan Gray for the cherry on top

But it has a little bit of Ed sheeran, Lorde, and Lauv vibes to it too

His concerts are simple but his songs are mostly very boppy so his fans still have fun either way

And it’s usually in small venues but there are times where he had a concert in a huge stadium

He goes by FINCH (yeah all caps btw)

Finches are a very on brand thing for him obviously

Has been known to collab with Crutchie and they actually make a very good team

Somehow was able to combined both genres to produce a few boppy songs

Ok ok but Finch and Crutchie have made a collaborative album (and maybe they went on tour????)

Specs 

He’s a history fiction writer

Yes this is inspired by the fact that he’s 100% a history nerd (no one change my mind i love this headcanon aight)

And he explores a lot of different histories from different parts of the world

He actually helps a lot of students understand history even further for school through his novels

Anyways he goes by Specs because I say so

No one knows why that’s his pseudonym and Specs isn’t interested in explaining either. No one other than the newsies need to know it was born from a stupid nickname the newsies gave him :)

His research mostly comes from history books because of his genre which wouldn’t be a problem since he has loads and will voluntarily buy more if needed

Also yeah he makes a great director for the movies taken from his books

Mush

He’s a chef on youtube

Goes by Mush Meyers

So think if Gordon Ramsey and his youtube channel but make it mush

Yeah that’s it really

Ok but Mush is a jolly and friendly person

Other than just food vlogging he does cooking challenges and cooking tips too

Sometimes he does the cooking challenges with a friend (mostly henry but i’ll get to him later on in the list)

But he also vlogs his life

Which isn’t really often but he likes to sometimes

He’s that big of a foodie he has a food blog too

And also a seafood restaurant so that’s cool :D

Henry

Like Mush, he’s a chef on youtube

Goes by Henry on the internet and in general

Ajkfhajfjska I’m thinking about how ppl would address him as Chef Henry kajhfkjlashfjklasfjklsf

He mostly does the same thing like Mush actually

Food vlogging and cooking challenges (they do it together so) sometimes cooking tips

But Henry vlogs his life a lot

And instead of a food instagram he has a food blog

He has a sandwich restaurant

Yeah it is inspired by his pastrami on rye with a sour pickle line from KONY get mad about it why don’t ya (well if i’m not mistaken henry was the one that said it but idk i have horrible memory) 

Blink

He’s a youtuber

Ok so I have a specific headcanon that Blink majored in psychology but didn’t end up being a psychologist

So instead he becomes a psychologist on youtube

Who often vlogs jhgasjlfhs

The guy looks like he could cut you but his sense of humor once you get him talking is just *chef’s kiss* amazing

Which is why he also has a podcast because he’s also secretly great at talking

He just thinks mental health is very important, okay?

Romeo

He’s an actor

Mostly on Broadway but has worked with Hollywood before

He’s usually a supporting character but has been known to understudy for main characters

Ok ik these bullet points are getting shorter and shorter but these are mostly bcs some of these stuff are pretty self explanatory since it’s very in character

Like are you telling me a kid named Romeo isn’t gonna be in some way very dramatic and end up turning that personality trait into his career?? Plus he’s very good at that?

Yeah you’re lying to me

Also he’s a pretty frequent vlogger on youtube

Look he’s a fun guy, what did you expect?

Just goes by Romeo on youtube

Elmer

He’s an actor

Has done his fair share in Broadway and Hollywood but started in Broadway

He can dance but thinks he’s pretty average in it yknow

Which his fans has no idea what he’s talking about because on stage he can do flips and turns like it’s no ones business yknow

But he can sing really good and takes pride in it

Elmer would play characters that is really far off from his own personality that fans couldn’t believe that Elmer played that character

He has done his fair share in main characters and supporting characters on Broadway

In Hollywood he usually does indie and rom-com movies

Buttons

He’s a fashion youtuber and basically an influencer 

Let’s be real this boy is a fashion icon

He’s not really a model but more like a fashion influencer and also kind of a fashion designer

His clothing line is very *chefs kiss* amazing

He designed it all and sometimes likes to design for his friends as well

He also does fashion tips on his youtube channel

His instagram game is god tier level (along with Tommy Boy and Sniper I’ll get to them in a bit) 

But yeah he also vlogs

And goes by Buttons Davenport

Jojo

He’s an actor

Mostly on Broadway but has done a few movies in Hollywood

He radiates main character energy and he does become the main character most of the time (on hollywood at least)

On Broadway he mostly enjoys being apart of the ensemble because this boy loves dancing

But he does play a few supporting characters

He has released one or two albums too because his singing is top tier

But isn’t interested in doing a lot of live concerts with his albums

Since no one has the time to say Josephino Jorgelino De La Guerra he turned it into Jojo De La Guerra (so much for ‘a special nickname only for friends and family’)

Mike and Ike

They’re a pop boy band and bcs of my lack of creativity it’s called Mike and Ike

At the start of their career :

“My name goes first because I’m older than you!” - Mike

“You’re only older than me by 13 minutes, holy shit!” - Ike

But Ike slowly accepts the fact that it’ll be like this yknow

Anyways they’re pretty great singers

They have one direction and new hope club vibes

Tho unlike one direction they can dance (i love the boys alright but i really think it’s funny that they can’t dancelkhjjlh)

They like to switch from the guitar (electric and/or acoustic) to the piano

The amount of times their name is confused by the candy is too many 

But they like it like that lol

Anyways i’ve mentioned a headcanon where Mike has tattoos (not like from head to toe but it’s fairly noticeable to everyone) and Ike has piercings

So the only way their fans tell them apart is by that

But there are times where Mike has his tattoos covered or Ike took his piercings off in public alone. A fan mistakens them for the other twin but they still respond to the other name because they don’t feel like there’s a need to correct them since they’re mostly known by Mike and Ike anyways. When the fan posts it on instagram and tags the twin they thought it was the twin that was tagged would comment “wrong twin but nice pic you two”

Happens wayyyyy too many times. Their fans are officially scared to approach one of the two in public alone without their differentiating indicators on which is which

And yes it is widely known that they argue a lot when it comes to writing songs

Nothing out of the ordinary sibling squabble yknow but it’s a lot

But they do end up finding a solution to the topic of their argument and make a good team at the end of the day

Hotshot

He’s an actor

On Broadway, he’s one of those actor’s that is mostly good in just the acting and singing

He can’t dance to save his life sjdfghaf

So Jeremy Jordan yknow asj;oghajshf

No not really. He can dance a little bit

So he’s mostly the main character

But he’s widely known for his works in Hollywood

He does a lot of drama. Think stuff like Elite and Designated Survivor. Yeah those kinds of heavy drama (well idk i think those two are pretty heavy)

He wants to release his own music because he’s a pretty good singer but he can’t write songs to save his life either jgnjafjasf

And all the demo songs he was suggested by producers isn’t his cup of tea

So he’s no singer ladies and gents ://

The name Hotshot is used to name his social media platforms. He always adds a description in his bio’s that Hotshot is a nickname his friends and family use so his fans and the media refer to him with his name

I headcanon Hotshot’s real name is Tyler or some sort. No don’t ask me what’s his last name is because idk either lol

Sniper

She’s a model, beauty and fashion youtuber (I’m pretty sure those are two different things tho idk i don’t watch youtube religiously anymore), and just an influencer in general

Instagram game on p o i n t

I know most beauty youtubers go by their names but uhh… i don’t think i’ve ever thought of a first name for Sniper but I really think she really would just go by Sniper Wah on the internet (Idk she seems like an Ashley in my head but feel free to recommend headcanon names to me)

Anyways she’s very fashionable

Tommy Boy (i’ll get to him just wait aight?) and Buttons are her fashion besties

The three of them pretty much appear in each other’s Youtube video not Tommy’s tho bcs he doesn’t have one lol

Sniper’s brand are huge sun hats

I have no idea how or why but that girl has sun hats vibes I can’t explain any further I’m sorry

Doesn’t have a clothing line but does have a make up brand of her own. She calls it Sniper. Yeah that’s it akjfhjf

Smalls

She’s a twitch streamer and youtuber like race and albert

They’re a youtube trio everyone loves it

And yes she does go by Smalls

Oh and she also dances like her two stupid besties thanks for asking

Bubblegum is her brand (idk how to explain she just has the vibe)

She is skateboard chick

I’m imagining a video collab of her and Al on a skatepark doing stupid challenges

It’s her most viewed video

Tommy Boy

Ok ok he’s a model, influencer, and dancer

So think a male version of Gigi Hadid that dances

No he doesn’t have a youtube channel but frequently has made an appearance on Buttons’ and Sniper’s videos

Yes his instagram feed is also very amazing

He goes by Tommy Boy

People genuinely thinking ‘Boy’ is actually his last name and kinda think it’s strange but doesn’t complain

Tommy literally didn’t think people would think it was his last name. But they did anyways

Les

Let’s just get straight to the point : he’s a famous tiktoker 

And yes, ppl are surprised at the fact that him, Davey, and Sarah are related to each other 

To the people that made it through this entire list. Congratulations and thank you for your validation. Have a wonderful evening and stay hydrated 

i will write at least one oneshot out of this au i promise!!

[fallingsunflower]

So, I guess here comes the Camille ☕️ (if you wanna call it that)

Sorry in advance this gonna be a fucking long one.

If you have any questions just ask.

I honestly don’t know if I should be impressed or concerned that my brain still remembers so much details about this shitshow. But I guess their plan did work in the end.

So you asked about Camille. I honestly don’t even know where to start with that one. I don’t know for how long you’ve been a fan of Harry and how intensively you stan him, but this one send my bullshit detector right off in the same way that Holivia does.

Can’t really explain it but I just smell if something isn’t right. It’s not only that way with Harry but in general. I just KNOW if something doesn’t add up.

The reason hamille wasn’t overdone and ppl believe it was bc it was marketed to be real. It wasn’t for promo in the sense Holivia is or to be shoved in ppls faces. The point was to have a relationship to fall back on when his album came out to be the “long term relationship” described in the songs. To have a certain narrative if you want to call it that.

They only were papped 2 (+the time at the Classic East concert.) They went to really popular places where you only go to when you want to get papped.

Other than that they only posted „sneaky fanpics“ which was on purpose to make them look „private“ but they were anything but that.

I actually had saved so much stuff as proof till recently when I deleted it all bc it honestly has been 3 years and I didn’t think I needed it anymore to help me explain lol. And please don’t make the mistake of looking up Hamille timelines, bc they’re all created by shipper afterwards so 95% of the shit is wrong, in the wrong order or they added the wrong pics to certain events. (If you want to look for pics, specific dates and stuff look them up individually and NOT through shipper pages or similar shit.)

Alright, back to explaining why it was so obvious. Disclaimer: I‘m just gonna point out the most obvious things but there is way more.

Harry started following Camille back in June 2016. They have several mutual friends (Waseem, Alexa Chung, Matt Hitt etc) so I assume they‘ve met before. She didn’t follow back though till shortly before the „relationship“ started. So after Harry followed her in 2016 she started to tag him in posts of her and her friends ass and did that video moaning his name while grabbing her boobs (classy 🤢). Shortly afterwards Harry unfollowed for a while and started follow her again before the mess began.

Fast forward to 2017. After doing „Dunkirk“ and about to bring his debut album out they started the first attempt at what I call a failed narrative with Tess. Not gonna go over that again bc one anon pointed out right how fake it was. They got rid of her rather quickly after she posted several times from his house which wasn’t the „private way“ they intended it to go.

So they were looking for someone to replace her. Cue Camille entering the scene.

Perfect person for the narrative as she’s half french (goes well with Dunkirk promo), is a VS model, have mutual friends and she has several ex bf who have written songs/albums about her. She’s the picture perfect muse for his second album.

Please let’s first talk about chemistry and body language bc I can’t even say how awkward they always were around each other. First the two pap pics from the sushi place and in front of the gym/ yoga place: both times both had closed off body language either crossed arms, Harry walking 3 steps ahead, faces didn’t look pleased at all and rather irritated or as of they just had a fight/ were in the middle of a fight (especially the pic from in front of the yoga place). No touching or anything involved in any pap pics. If you didn’t knew they were supposedly „dating“ you wouldn’t see it.

Let’s get to their behavior at the „sightings“: they weren’t seen much together outside of touring. But when they were seen we got pics in like 95% of the cases and people meeting them always said they didn’t seem like a couple (apart from shippers who made up shit about them all the time).

Even in every „sneaky pic“ there was as much chemistry as in Holivia -> none!

We got a few pics or even videos were you could see them backstage or besides the stage (e.g. 2017 Toronto show: while Muna is on stage Harry and Camille stand awkwardly 3 feet apart from each other, both closed off body language, not interacting with each other. You’d think as they were still in their honeymoon phase at that time and in private, seemingly not knowing that anyone could see them that they acted more coupley or at least would not stand there like 🧍🏻 🧍🏻. (Have you seen him interact with Xander while watching 1D’s opening act? Total opposite to Hamilel and they were „just friends“. Also in other pics Harry would rather cling to her bag / coat etc that he was holding so he didn’t had to touch her or anything. I think the only time we saw them „touch“ was that Classic east concert („relationship debut“) when he awkwardly held her shoulders and she was swaying weirdly. She even tried to touch him or get him to sway with her but he shot that down immediately 🤣. I could go on for longer but you get what I mean...

The next weird thing is, that she was down in literally the pit or sitting with „regular fans“ 97% of the time. Without Harry’s bodyguard around. Sometimes Jeff was with her but mostly she stood there alone. Everyone knew that she wasn’t really popular and liked around fans, so why would you put your gf in the pit with all the crazys or why would you as a gf want to be in the crowd at most shows when you could watch from the side of the stage or backstage? Also the fact that we always knew when she was at a show because she was always „spotted“ even the few times she was indeed staying at the side of the stage, she didn’t stay hidden. Sometimes we even joked about how she wanted to be part of the band or something by how close she stood there in the open. But whenever Anne for example was on tour or close friends of his or whatever they always had someone walking with them for protection and Anne never was like „in the pit“ like Camille. She never followed any of Harry‘s close private friends or family. Only people who she could gain something from. Like Lambert, Jeff, Teasedale, the Crawford’s etc. And she was never at any of the London or Manchester shows where basically all of his friends and family were. Even though she would have had definitely time bc she posted herself and friends doing nothing or trolling in LA all the time in that time. When she was at that show in Paris in 2018, she brought her friend who lives in Paris and her cousin I think. We got backstage pics of them all and Harry and Camille staying as far away from each other in that pic as possible. She was seen leaving as well after that show with her friends out through the main entrance. This was also the show Anne was at and an awkward hugging video of them both came out. Tbh it’s not clear where Camille and co were sitting bc they moved around the arena the whole night. At one point you can see Anne and Camille standing next to each other and all of a sudden Camille was „hugging“ Anne but Anne was so surprised that she was just standing there like 🧍🏼‍♀️ and waited till it was over (that „hug“ looked more like as if Camille tried to tackle Anne 😂). Also serious question and not to make it sound weird, but it deadass looked in that video as if Camille just waited for a sign to go for that hug and that it was being recorded. Because the way the camera was pointing at them all of a sudden and they were just lucky enough to catch that on camera? Yeah sure...

Not to forget, she didn’t seem to have a lanyard like for example Anne had, so everyone would knew that she could move around the arena and crew as she wanted which is fucking weird not to have as a girlfriend especially if you’re apparently on tour for many dates. This also mean she couldn’t join them when she wanted but had to contact Jeff or Harry before so they could give her a lanyards for that specific date or a sticker with AAA. Sometimes she wore a lanyard but that was literally the VIP lanyard that you got when you bought a VIP ticket like any other fan. Didn’t mean she could move freely around the venue. Even weirder is that she put that AAA sticker on the back of her phone after she left tour 2018 and placed it obviously in lots of her insta stories and posts on insta (one where you can see that sticker is still up). Fan behavior not that of a real girlfriend!

Camilles mum followed Hamille shipper accounts at one point and liked a post of them. After that shippers were unbearable. Which mum follows a shipper account on insta? 😬

What I also find weird is that she was barely working and when she did she posted only like 2 about it. I mean it’s part of her job to post stuff like that?! But she went radio silent more often then not to let fans guess if she was with him or if she would turn up somewhere.

Her friends who are all are well in their 30s or older made often „jokes“ about Harry or implied stuff about him or 1D and posted this on their stories and she was laughing with them most of the time... what a girlfriend huh...

Another thing is, she was never at his house in London. Because she was never at any of the UK dates besides that one gig he did for X -factor. They were not much in London at the same time. And when she was alone in London or with her friend, they literally stayed at an AirBnB or a hotel. So I ask you, why would she as his gf of a few months not stay at his place while she’s in the UK? Or that one time when she was in the UK making it look like she was waiting for him coming back from tour in Asia and he stayed extra long there (a week or two) even after tour in Asia finished and she was in London. But he went rather out partying in London. I don’t blame him.

When she was at his show in Milan (2017) she met a „fan“ and they took a selfie in the restroom (classy 🥴🤐) during the concert. Idk but this is one thing which is really questionable bc people were speculating she was at this show but we hadn’t gotten pics yet. So that she then took a pic with a „fan“ coincidentally seems really fishy to me. Also that said „regular fan“ had allegedly floor tickets as you could see in the videos and pics she posted in the beginning of the concert. But after the pic with Camille she all of sudden appeared on the balcony as well, close to where Camille and more VIP guests were. So how did she end up there if she didn’t have connections or was told to take a pic with her so then being on the balcony was her „reward“? To add this woman was close to Camilles age so this scenario makes just less and less sense the longer you think about it.

In May she was still on tour with her then bf in Tokio. In July just two weeks before they were seen together for the first time that awkward Grimmy interview happened. Where he specifically asked about her. And Harry said he „ didn’t know her“. Fucking weird to bring up such a private topic on radio and then be seen not even 2 weeks later. (Not gonna argue on that one, it’s the same like the wedding weekend pap walk just more subtle).

Then there were so many pics of him backstage at that concert, pics with fans, official pics, „sneaky fan sightings“ in the audience... He looked rather uncomfortable holding her shoulders while she was dancing. We know Harry goes often to concerts but when did we ever get so many pics from one? Mostly it’s a blurry pic of him or one backstage pic with the artist, not like the ones we got and certainly not that many. Plus we got an relationship article the day after.

Funny is also how he was on vacation in Muskoka with the Gerbers and Anne at the end of July 2017 shortly before the first spotting of Hamille and Camille no where to be seen.

Now I‘m gonna point out inconsistencies and such might be in chronological order, might be not.

I think the next time we saw them was a „sneaky fan pic“ (just the two of them) without a source from Beverly Hills hotel at lunch. Her friend Lauren posted a instastory being at that hotel right then and there and deleted the story like 5 minutes afterwards. She wasn’t in the pic of the „fan“ so my bet is she was the one taking the pic.

Coming to the stunt props. The „ring“ he was suddenly wearing on his pinky was from Camille. She only wore it once for a photoshoot in 2013 and then all of a sudden she wore it in every story she posted for the next 2 weeks right BEFORE he was wearing it and literally made such a show out of showing that ring that it was so cringey to watch at.

Not to forget his Pink Floyd shirt that was featured in his Rolling Stones mag interview that she not only wore but posted a few instastorys with showing it up close so every Harry fan could identify it from the distinctive holes in it.

Funny was the times she wore „his necklace“ and again posted several stories wearing it and even went to an event with it that Kendall wore before. After people pointed the connection to Kendall out, she never wore it again 😂😂 Harry being papped leaving a gym while wearing Camilles ex shirt was peak comedy.

Camille making a post saying „goodbye“ to her friend Lauren before Christmas in a really distinctive fur coat. Then New Years dinner pics with Jeff, Camille and co came out. Harry looking bored as always around her. Then the weirdest thing: he took fan pics while holding Camilles distinctive fur coat in his hands in every fucking pic. And it wasn’t that cold to wear a fur coat! Why couldn’t she hold it herself while he took the pics or Jeff or put it on the chair beside him? That wasn’t really slick of them.

Then Camille having a girls trip to Corsica and literally posting so fucking often being girls only in cars an what not. Harry was in London out with Mitch and was also seen on other occasions so I assume he went to Corsica for maybe 2 days max to get pics in. (Her cousin/ goddaughter of her mum posted a pic with Harry in Corsica in 2018 from that time). Mind you they could have just „dating“ for maybe 5 week’s max at that time bc they were never at the same place at the same time before maybe late June, and that’s when Robin died and he was home so I doubt that’s when they met. I assume 1.st proper meeting was in early July or after the Grimmy interview.

Harry filmed the Manchester special for his album in Manchester literally right before he went to HC with Camille. Yet Grimmy, one of his best friends at least at that time, never followed her or hung out together.

The next thing is her being in Holmes Chapel. She hinted at it on insta, like she did EVERY time she would be around Harry. Also appearing in every pic of him in the background when she was around. Even posted a story of random people with Harry’s voice in the background. That’s also a point why it was so obviously fake.

She posted in a train and captioned it with something like „England ❤️“ and then a cow (similar to Olivia with the hedgehog and caption) and then appeared in every pic we got of him that weekend.

She turned up to several of his shows, yet NEVER to his hometown shows (neither London or Manchester) where all his family and friends were at. She also only followed people beneficial to her career like Lambert, Jeff and co but never anyone of his real friends or family even though Gemma followed her after Christmas 2017 (which was taken as the „proof“ that they spend Christmas in HC🤦🏻‍♀️ and we got this photoshopped pic of Hamille which turned out was an old pic of originally Harry and Gemma. Glenne also never followed her and Camille was also never seen with Glenne it was only ever Jeff around and people noticed that (probably why we got now the joyride etc including Glenne).

Ok so what do we have next? The charity gig where his mum celebrated her 50th bday with everyone wearing a yellow flower crown. Everyone besides Camille. She wasn’t invited and just was brought to them while Harry was already singing a song, Gemma looking annoyed in the video her friend posted. Before Harry’s set was over someone came and took Camille with them again while Anne, Gemma and co stayed in the crowd. So why was she even going to them and didn’t stay backstage if she clearly wasn’t invited to celebrate with Anne and co and left before Harry even finished his set. We got also pics of a bday dinner with Anne, Harry, Gemma and all the friends from the concert but without Camille. This was also the gig where he was groped on stage.

After that charity gig in late October Harry went to tour in Europe. He stopped wearing the ring and seemed happier than before somehow. I went to the Cologne show and let me tell you, it was fucking nuts! His energy and the way he was smirking all the time not to forget Kiwi twice.

You’d think Camille would have been quiet now on sm that Harry wasn’t around, but it was exactly the opposite! It was like as if she had to remind everyone that that „relationship“ was still „on“ after he ditched that ring bc she was literally unbearable on insta. We got her and friends singing SOTT on karaoke (while she was wearing the Kendall necklace like mentioned previously), then she did a whole photoshoot (sorry but that’s just what it was) with her friends Djuna + Nik whit a very distinctive blue totebag Harry was carrying around just a week or two before while meeting fans in LA and she did the same thing like she did with the ring and posed with that bag in every angle. As if all that wasn’t enough in the space of 3 days she then celebrated Halloween with her friends and 2 or 3 of them wore costumes that reminded of 1D and Harry. All this happened between his cologne show and Halloween. Trolling at its best.

Then Camille decided to turn up to tour in Europe but she didn’t choose days when he actually had time off (even though she evidently didn’t do anything in LA besides trolling the last few days) so she decided to pop up when Harry had shows back to back and needed to travel to them as they were all over Europe. He had two more Berlin 7.11. and an event in London on the 6th) before she turned up on 8.11. in Amsterdam where she met Ella his cousin who followed Camille then (but Camille never followed back), 9.11. Italy x-factor, 10.11. Milan , 11.11. London X-Factor). He clearly didn’t have any time then which gets even more ridiculous if you know that she was back in LA by Monday the 13th the latest bc a photographer „exposed“ her being on set early that day. So why did she even bother turning up to tour that time when she could have done earlier and be at his homeshows?

Another thing is, when Harry went to NYC at the end of January 2018 to perform with Fleetwood Mac he didn’t take her instead he took Jeff and Xander was there as well. But no Camille. Right before was one of the rare times they got papped. Harry as always looking irritated around her. And them looking as if the soccer mom collected her son from practice😂

On his b-day her friend Lauren posted Camille chilling at their home reading and hanging out with her. Harry was officially MIA but a good friend of mine actually saw him while walking her dog the next day in Hampstead rather covered up with another guy (assuming his trainer or PA) trying not to be seen. She is not a huge fan of Harry and only knows him bc I‘ m a fan but she texted me right away saying something was weird about how he was trying to not be seen.

And on cue allegedly someone (real estate Agent from London) said he was on her flight to London over a week later (even though I knew he was already there for a while).

So the last time they were actually seen together was the day they were papped (I think that was even the day of the Grammys).

Then the thing about her quitting smoking bc she was „ dating“ Harry 🤣🤣. The way she even lied about that. She posted a video and made a few instastorys throughout that year to say how long she didn’t smoke at that time „bla, bla, bla“ and Harries ate that shit up. She was caught so many times lying in regards to that. Her friends and co were the ones to always expose her accidentally. She appeared in so many stories in her friends stories were she smoked a cigarette and not „just“ a juul like she always liked to pretend (not that a juul would be any better lol). Harry probably didn’t like it when he had to be around her for longer periods of time and she would smoke around him or smell of smoke so she had to pretend she cared for his sake and quit publicly. To say is also that she publicly started smoking again after she came back from tour end of March/beginning of April 2018.

Now speaking of the big tour in 2018. Camille seemed to had joined tour again at some point. She was at the Paris show like mentioned earlier but then only joined tour 2 dates or something later in. Someone „exposed“ her of staying with friends in each city she went on tour with at that time instead of staying with him. I think he also got fed up with her bc Harry & band + some of the crew went to museums in each city. But of course Camille had to post something every time they were at a museum and so it didn’t take long till fans caught on and turned up en masse in these museums so he couldn’t go there anymore. I would have been pissed too if I were him. And girls who’s dad is the director of one of the museums did meet Harry at the museum and he invited them to the show and backstage. These girls said Harry and Camille didn’t look or behave like a couple at the museum, he was mostly around the band and she on her own. And backstage the same thing. She was kinda just there and nothing more. Not long after that she left tour and only turned up at the Ireland show and then later the NYC and LA one.

Speaking of the Ireland show, that must have been the most awkward thing ever. I saw a few videos from people who did constantly film the side of the stage and she is staying alone there with the sound guys while Mabel was performing and Harry was standing backstage with Jeff and the band, watching Mabel and preparing for their prank they did on Mabel.

Twice Harry is walking past Camille and didn’t even acknowledge her. She was once again just standing there. You could almost feel bad for her, but only almost. Then he went to prank Mabel on stage with the rest of the band and was so affectionate with Mabel something you never saw him be with Camille.

After that show the trolling did turn down a bit for a while but like 2 days before the concert she posted a Mick Jagger pic and everyone knew she would turn up in NYC. And she proved us right bc she posted about being on a plane the minute she stepped foot in said plane 🤦🏻‍♀️. At the show itself she was in the crowd/pit with with Xander, Waseem, Matt Hitt & Jeff but Jeff had to fetch her again a lanyard at first for that day bc she still hadn’t one although allegedly „dating“ him for nearly a year at that time. You’d think she had one for the whole tour but nope. And after the concert Harry was once again out with friends while she stayed with another friend in NYC. Between the NYC and LA show she was seen being cosy with Alexander Skarsgard and then her now bf Theo Niarchos. To the LA show she turned up with Djuna, Nik and another friend. All of them sat up pretty high in the nosebleeds while Kendall and co where in the family and friends lounge right above pit. And Camille and co left a little earlier before the show finished and left through the front entrance. Suspicious is also that the „break up“ was announced like exactly on the year mark of the start their „relationship“. Sorry that I wrote so much. And I probably still missed a lot but I hope it’s gotten clear what I mean.

I'm still reading this through but wanted to post for those asking about it!!

Thank you!

[verseziam]

there shouldn't even be concerts in this pandemic, but dammit !!! these singers don't understand that!!! zayn and liam are the only rational among them all.

i agree nobody should be having concerts right now but for some reason they are...my friend just went to a kayne west concert a week ago with her boyfriend and a day later ended up sick lol she didn't have covid but still there was 60,000 people there crammed together what did ppl expect? that's my problem like nobody is social distancing at all and my friend said a lot of people didn't even have a mask on. so while harry is "requiring" people to have masks it really doesn't make a difference when harry or his band aren't wearing one and i'm sure there were ppl in the crowd that weren't either. and i saw ppl talking about harry doing the whale or something and how ppl are mad because were in a pandemic...also someone explain to me what a "whale" is? bc i've seen posts about ppl being upset with harry bc of it lmao

and yeah I'm so glad i'm a ziam stan they seem to have the most sense when it comes to most things lol

[breefarrow]

Hey! I read your post about the ask Emily got from a ziammie and I wanted to say I completely agree with what you said+I would like to add that I don't get why ziam shippers can't just leave us alone the way we larries leave them alone. Regardless of what the truth about ziam is, spamming larry blogs about ziam is unnecessary and uncalled for. Especially when the person in question has already done their research on the topic and has taken a stance.(also don't feel obligated to answer my ask :D)

Hi thanks for the ask and yeah I completely agree it's even more wtf when these ziams claim larries are being rude and anti like to them [were not] It's legit toxic solo liam stans and zsquad members hating on them not us but everyone hates larries so surprise surprise we are always blamed for everything. This supposive hate from larries includes Emily but these ziams are from twitter not even on tumblr but made a tumblr to send @lovemylarents an anon hate ask to say larries are hypocrites yet again umm what you came to an app to HER acc and constantly drag us into your lane.

I've said this before both here and on twitter but if they were ACTUALLY calling larries hypocrites bc larries are calling them delusional or saying their favs would hate them that would be fine but their not their just trying to shove ziam MPs and proof down larries throats every minute and calling larries who say they don't believe in ziam hypocrites. Even calling larries like @lovemylarents who have been in this fandom for a decade and DID read the MPs or YouTube videos they recommended and still doesn't see it hypocrites.

If they want to go there since they keep calling us hypocrites for not believing in ziam, we will. Their BG proof/reasoning for saying it's a BG is inconsistent with not all ziammies believing the same thing, some of their MPs are legit just comparing ziam to larry going larry did this well so did ziam and half their proof is larry proof/songs going it's also ziam related. Ziammies need larry to be real for ziam to be real larries don't need ziam. Larry had a concrete foundation that makes the house of larry stable ziam only has an unstable house with no concrete foundation bc they just stole extra parts lying around from the larry house to make a ziam house.

I'm tired of it I use to be believe what you want and I really don't care what you believe but when they constantly go LARRIES YOU SEEING THIS OR ARE YOU A HYPOCRITE I'm going to say something. I'm not kidding tho they steal a bunch of larry proof and say it's for ziam [examples: warning selfies for BG, triangle from louis, Home, Alive, RBB&SBB,"this specfic shade" ext.] The triangle necklace fron liam can possible be linked to liam not being straight but there is no link to zayn. For example for larries in the Miss You MV we not only have the triangles but the word styles written meaning it's Louis saying I'm not straight AND I'm with Harry. Or another one we have not only Louis triangle tattoo [permanent unlike a necklace] BUT also Harry tweeting the same week Louis got the tattoo "you can tell a man by his ankles." Which once again is proof Louis might not be straight AND proof of Harry being his lover.

Funny tho all this hate to @lovemylarents started when she debunked their popular most stable proof to link the bears to ziam on twitter. The proof is the Ziam Levine Stylinson sticker on the bear one night which turned out was/is a tumblr fans url and they gave the sticker with their utl on it to a tech person who found it funny and put it on the bear during the concert but it was only on once so it had nothing to do with the boys. Emily like all veteran stans debunk/make it known when well used proof is fake [example: 2013 larry marriage theory] it's what they do and the sticker had STYLINSON on it so wouldn't Emily want it to be real?

They claim these things especially the bears have always been linked to Ziam to or that Ziam has been as big as Larry since the beginning but any old time veteran fan I talk to [plus from my own knowledge of being a 9 year fan] ziam wasn't really gaining traction until late 2014/early 2015 and any major 2015 bears MPs ziam is not mentioned. For me the thing that pisses me off the most is when they say "larrys closeting didn't worked and ziams did thats why less believe in ziam over larry."

IF LARRYS CLOSETING DIDN'T WORK YOU WOULDN'T HAVE SOME LOCALS SAYING THEY WON'T JOIN THE FANDOM BC THEY THINK LOUIS IS HOMOPHOBIC OR GP THINKING HARRY IS A QUEERBAITING WOMANIZER! This phrase invalidates everything larry has been put through I hate it so much. And @lovemylarents made a good point if they believe larry and ziam are genuinely real this phrase makes it seem like ziam didn't fight hard to show the fans the truth of what they are being put through the way larry did.

This response is getting long haha sorry but my last statement is Emily like other veteran larries don't believe in ziam they have been here since the beginning and Emily along with myself and the rest of our GC have looked at ziam info and don't see it so PLEASE stop calling us hypocrites all the time for not believing in it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

[vanchlo]

The Firsts / #4, “The First Time Meeting The Old Best Friend“

*not my gif

---> NEXT BLURB: November 16th at the lastest, hopefully.

READ THE ASSISTANT, AKA WHAT CAME FIRST

SERIES MASTERLIST          

READ ON WATTPAD

LEGEND:

+ : a break in the story; a time jump.

sorry i forgot italics in this one, it’s just too much sometimes to go back through and do

WARNINGS: Swearing?

WORD COUNT: 9k words

SONG: If I Didn’t Have you from Monsters Inc. (CLICK TO LISTEN)

                          * SNEAK PEEK, DUH BC ALWAYS *

The irony that sits in the possibility of replies sickens me, because there’s little else I want more than to sit down and have dinner with him. The normalcy and the ignorance to how things have so drastically changed, and so quickly.

I wonder if I have enough time to leave, but no, I can’t. He’s noticed, and knows that I’m home. He’s expecting me. If only he could know how that same feeling has overflown inside of me, and been pushed back down each and every time, a hunger that was never fed. I hang my coat, place my keys on the ring beside his, and leave my ankle boots on the mat by his chestnut brown chelseas, just like every other time. In every way I still find it dreamy, but it’s not the same, no matter how much I wish that I could pretend that it is.

“When I love, I love for miles and miles. A love so big it should either be outlawed or it should have a capital and its own currency.”

- Carrie Fisher

*

His humming pulls me from the lines of text growing hazy and forgotten in front of me. Tearing my eyes from my lap, I find him kneading his bottom lip between his fingers. A corner of my mouth greets my cheek as I observe him flip a page and his eyebrows sink closer to his pair of greens, concentrating. 

“What are you humming?” I ask, cocking my head to the side and narrowing my eyes. The sound stops and his eyes shoot over to me, brows still hugging his eyes, now in confusion. 

“Hmmm?” 

“What song are you humming? I don’t recognize it,” I explain, standing from my seat. The smooth, tiled floor is a welcomed cold against my bare feet that plod a path towards his tall bookshelf. 

“Oh, that. Um, Junk by Paul. God, I love that song. ‘ve been listenin’ t’ him loads with tha concert comin’ up. You should too, babe.” 

“I will, thanks for the reminder,” I tell him, winding my arms around his neck and pecking his cheek. Watching the dimple fall into it, a happy hum radiates through my chest. 

“Whatcha wanna do fer dinner t’night? We could eat those leftovers from last night, or I dunno, heat up a can o’ soup. Perfect weather fer it right now, ‘d say.” 

“Both sound good. You can call it, but I’m going to go and refill our teas,” I answer, leaving another kiss on his stubbly cheek. 

“Oh, thank you, love. I hardly noticed, been so engulfed in this bloody book.” 

His smile matches mine when I look over my shoulder, his empty mug in hand as I slide my flats back on. Voices trickle out of the doors I pass on my way to the breakroom. Excitement leaks from them, questions, hushed whispers, and then, a name I recognize. 

“Can you direct me to the office of Harry Styles?” a blonde woman asks Amelia at the front desk. With a hand on the door, I turn back around to watch. 

“Yes, of course. And your name was?” Amelia asks in her sing-song voice, hands poised on the computer keyboard, probably checking the schedule. 

“Penelope-.” 

“Oh, hey, Becky. Filling back up too, I see,” somebody says, drowning out the rest of the woman’s words.

“Why does that name sound familiar?” I mumble to myself and only her, watching as Amelia types away. “Sorry, what’d you say, Ash?”

“I just saw you’re getting a refill too. After you,” he almost wheezes, but I don’t take note of it, my eyebrows still in a dip after what I just saw. 

“What’s that look for, huh? Is somebody not happy to see me?”

“Of course not, Ash. I just saw- I dunno what I even saw,” I confess, setting down my pink mug I pluck from the cupboard, and Harry’s black one in front of the electric tea kettle. 

“Everything okay? You look a little lost, or something.” 

“Yeah, fine,” I say slowly, trying to remember if Harry had said anything about wanting coffee instead, but he’s already had two cups, and tries to stick to only two these days. It’s already almost time to go home for the day, anyways. Sighing, I pull open the tea drawer and pluck out an English Breakfast and a Peppermint. 

“I heard you and Harry nabbed that huge McConnell case that everybody’s talking about. Congrats on that,” Asher comments, sticking a hand into the drawer after I moved to the side, ripping open the tiny packets. 

“Oh, thanks. No pressure, or anything.” 

“You’ll do great, don’t worry about it. If anything, it’s a good thing you have Harry. If the bloke is good at one thing, it’s winning cases,” he insists, and I only nod along as I free the string from the bags to place in the mugs. 

A mumbled confirmation leaves my lips as the steam from the scalding hot water wafts over my face, filling the mugs, one and then two. 

“We still on for lunch tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure thing, Ash. Talk later,” I smile at him, pushing my back against the door and turning around to walk down the hallway. 

Juggling the two, steaming cups in my hand, I take my time walking back to Harry’s office. Quickly, I find that I’m not the only one on my way there, and soon, I pass Amelia on her way back. Smiles float between us, but mine falls away for some reason, and in only a matter of moments, I’d have so many reasons why. 

His head is bent over that same book, and a hand missing that summer glow rubs over his tired face. I can see him from down the hallway, and my vantage point would end up being regrettable, if only I’d known. 

“I didn’t know running your own firm was so tiring, Styles,” the frosty-blonde girl says when she stops in his doorway, and he immediately perks up. 

No, that’s my nickname for him, I think immediately, stopping a few paces behind her. 

“Nelly?!” Harry exclaims with absolute sunshine radiating from his face. “Hell, look at you. T’ what do I owe tha pleasure, love?” he continues in a voice brimming with astonished happiness, standing quickly to hold out his arms towards her.

“I was in the neighborhood and figured I might as well finally come and see you and My’s firm. It’s about time, sorry it took me so long,” she giggles in her posh accent, walking right into his arms where he holds her against him for several moments. Something twinges in my chest at the sight of it while I try to remember when I’ve heard him speak about her. I know he brought her up once, or somebody else did, but I can’t remember what they’d said. Who is this person?

“Yer bloody right ‘s ‘bout time, only took ya years and years. How’ve ya been? Ya look good, thirty looks smashin’ on you, y’know. Married Ben yet?”

“Thanks, but I reckon it looks far better on you, Styles,” this woman laughs and it sounds like a song, but I’m not sure if it’s one that I like. From the appearance of his crinkly-eyed smile, Harry likes it. “Nah, we split a few months back.” 

“Damn, ‘m sorry t’ hear ‘bout that,” he remarks softly while she picks up and looks at things on his desk. His eyes roam over her, but I can’t blame him, because so do mine. They drift over her cropped, curly hair and the long-sleeved, polka dotted dress. Polka dots have never been my thing, but somehow she makes them look sexy and far from childish all at the same time. 

I watch as she picks up the framed pictures sitting on his desk and when she grabs the largest of them all, something flits across her face before she hastily places it down. I only wish I could’ve seen what it was. Shaking my head, I lift a foot to turn around while her voice wanders over to me, and then his. 

“I heard you’ve found somebody new, no longer with Amber, I see.” 

“No, we’ve been split fer a few now. Ya, that’s Becks,” he comments warmly, and the next few of his words I can’t make out, until I hear some that I can’t ignore. “There she ‘s now. Hey, babe, c’mere. There’s sumbody I wantcha t’ meet!” Harry calls down the hallway to me. Gulping, I look up and down the other side of the hallway before turning around to find the smile of my boyfriend. One of my favorite sights, if not a little duller now.

The few moments it takes me to walk to his office are awkward, knowing that they’re watching me and my movements. I suddenly wonder if I need to touch up my makeup, fix my hair, or how this new, black dress really does look on me. 

“Thank ya, love,” Harry smiles when he takes the black mug from my hands to sip from. My own lips fall when she plucks the pink mug from my hands with a similar notion, completely devoid of any apology or embarrassment, and neither is Harry. What the- “Nell, this ‘s me girlfriend and colleague, Becky Holte. She worked here as an assistant o’ mine befo’ she finished uni, and came back last January fer an associate position. She’s me mentee and ‘m her mentor fer tha next few years while she finds her footing, workin’ primarily with me on cases, includin’ tha new McConnell one.” 

“I heard about that, Harry, congratulations. That’s very exciting . . for the both of you,” she grins from behind her mug of tea. My mug of tea. 

“Oh, sorry. Becks, this ‘s Penelope Hautten, or as we fondly call her, Nelly,” he introduces, and she offers a small wave and an awkward smile. Yeah, you have no bloody idea how awkward this is. “We met in uni fer law in our cohort, same with Rose and Rory.” 

“Hi, it’s great to meet you. I’d love to say I’ve heard loads about you, but it’s been a minute since I’ve spoken to Styles over here,” she says, holding out a hand tanned from fake tan that I reluctantly shake when I hear her next comment made in laughter. “I’m sorry we had to meet like this, I’d be upset seeing another woman being all over my boyfriend, too.” 

“No, you’re okay,” is all I say at first, feeling a little better when I feel Harry squeeze my arm after swinging one around my waist. “It’s nice to meet you too, I think I’ve heard Harry mention you before. He sure has a lot of good things to say about all of his fun in uni.” 

The words bring loud laughs to both of their lips, and for a moment, I think that I need to as well. I find it awkward to not be laughing, but by then, it’s far too late to begin. 

“I just wanted to stop by to say hi and congratulate you on getting this case, it’s a rather big one. Actually, maybe we could talk some more about it over dinner? I was just on my way to Lenny’s on this side of town,” Nelly says, and yes, I do see the little glance you give to me before you bat your eyes at Harry. 

“Thanks, Nel.’ ‘d actually love t’ pick yer brain ‘bout tha case, and over a sandwich and soup sounds fantastic, ‘specially with this cold weather comin’ in. Great timin’, ‘m starvin’,” he remarks with an eager smile, rubbing a circle into my back before it falls. “Becks, you don’t mind, d’ya? Maybe ya could see if Rose needs help with anythin’,” Harry comments after setting down his tea, raising an eyebrow at me. He nods almost instantly, walking around his desk to grab his Northface off the back of his chair to pull on. 

“Yeah, I’d love to consult on it with you, Harry.” 

“Y-Yeah, sure,” I mumble, lifting a hand in a lousy wave as they’re already walking down the hall and away from me. Their loud and happy laughter floats back to me as the image of her arm hooking around his waist burns in my eyes. 

“Was that . . ?” somebody says, breaking into my thoughts. Blinking and turning my head, I see Rose standing in her doorway, down the hallway. “Oh god, was that Penelope?” she groans with a shake of her head, stopping when she sees me standing there. 

“Yep, in the flesh. She took my tea,” I say with a turn of my palm to the sky, taking slow steps until I arrive at her side. I join her in watching them get on the lift with smiles stretching their lips. “And my boyfriend.” 

“I never liked her.” 

“Why not? Wait,” I ask and then pause, furrowing my brows as thoughts race around behind my eyes. “Was she the one in your friend circle in uni who- No, please tell me that’s not the one who had a crush on Harry?”

A sigh is all that graces my ears while she tucks a daring lock of hair behind her ear. “Yes and yes,” she answers.

“God,” I groan, losing a hand in my hair. “And she just stole my boyfriend for a dinner date, when we were just going to go for our Taco Tuesday. What the fuck?” I exhale, letting my hand fall with a slap! to my leg. 

“You better keep a short leash on him when she’s around, that’s all I’ll say.” 

“Rose-,” I begin, turning to look at her. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, love. I’m sure everything will be fine, it’s been years since all of that happened, she’s bound to have changed, or so I hope.”

+

“You said everything would be fine, and you know what, it’s not fine!” I exclaim, dropping my bag onto the chestnut colored chair in front of the desk. Inhaling, the breath passes my lips shakily, and I turn away to look around the office. 

“Becky, what’s the matter, love? What are you talking about?” 

“Her. Penelope . . She’s on the McConnell case with Harry, instead of me,” I reveal gently, but the words falling from my lips feel like anything but that to my heart. Sniffling, I swipe a hand across my cheeks. 

“What, how do you-.” 

“I just saw him in the break room. You know what, I didn’t see him all last night. He didn’t come home until late. I went to sleep in an empty bed, and woke up later around eleven when he came in, and didn’t say a word to me. But in the break room, I run into my boyfriend, my mentee, my boss, who are all the same person, and all he has to say to me is that he’s switched me to your case and her to his. He didn’t have time to say anything more, because what’s-her-face slinked in and stole him from me. Again. Rose, I-I don’t like this, what the fuck is going on?” I finish, spinning around to look at her through the hazy tears sitting in my eyes. 

“Oh, Becky love, I’m so sorry,” is all she says before pulling me into her arms where I let the tears fly. 

“Am I stupid for getting so upset over this? I dunno if I am, because I looked her up on Insta last night and her stories were of them getting dinner and drinks together and she put hearts all around him on it. T-Then, this morning he barely kissed me on the cheek before breaking the news to me, and nothing more. No ‘I’m sorry for replacing you at dinner last night’ or ‘I’m sorry for coming home late and not responding to any of your texts last night,’” I cry, catching whiffs of her floral based perfume, feeling her sigh before hearing it. “I’m not going through another fucking Amber phase with him, she was one and done for me. I don’t like this, I just want him back.”

+

“Come ‘head, love, time for our weekly team meeting.” 

I remain silent, staring at the laptop screen unblinkingly, wishing it was the voice of another now saying my name. 

“I don’t want to . . she’ll be there . . with him,” I answer, switching tabs and scrolling through my search results on the Silver Net database. 

“Becky-.” 

“I can’t, Rose, okay?” I nearly retort, turning my head to look at her patient, brown eyes. “You didn’t hear the stuff she said to me yesterday.” 

“What’d she say to you?” she hurriedly replies with concern, sitting down on the chair next to me, pulling it over so she’s facing me. 

“It’s what she didn’t say,” I respond, closing my laptop but nervous to meet her eyes. “With just my luck, I ran into her in the break room yesterday, just when I was starting to feel better the day after getting dropped from Harry’s case. She was asking me about him, and well, me. How long I’d known him, how long we’d been dating, blah blah. Then she couldn’t shut up about how she’s known him for over ten years, how they’d have all of these late study nights in the library together, and how they took their Bar together. Then, he came in and she just continued, rattling off the cases they won together in the beginning when they got their first real lawyer jobs. She knew what she was doing and so did I, she was showing how much better she is for him, and how I’m . . not.” 

“As if anybody fucking asked her,” Rose tuts, shaking her head vehemently and getting to her feet. “You stay and keep checking on those statements we got, okay? You don’t have to come to the meeting, I’ll just debrief you when I get back.” 

Nodding, I lift the lid of my laptop again and switch to Docs. 

“Becky?” 

“Yeah, Rose?” I say, my eyes flitting to the door where she stands with her hand on the doorknob. 

“You’re sure you aren’t going to talk to him about this? I think the sooner the better.”

“I would, if I could get him alone, but I can’t. It’s like she’s always there, even outside of work, he’s out doing something with her. I dunno, I give up.” 

“I’m really sorry, love,” she frowns, emphasis in her voice and the bend of her eyebrows. 

“Thank you, Rose,” I answer with a small smile, watching her return it and leave the room. I almost jump when I hear the ding of my phone, and scrabble to pry it from my pocket, only to be disappointed with a text from Skye. As well as the memory staring back at me, teasingly, from my lock screen.

If only I could go back to that day, or just rewind life by a few.

+

The flecks of snow leave cold puddles in my hair as my fingers wrap around the cold handle. Gulping, I don’t twist it, and instead, I just stare and listen. I listen to the happy hum of music I hear coming from the other side, and to the obnoxiously nervous thrumming of my heart. He’s home, and for the first time in three days, it’s before eleven o’clock. I want to savor it, but the repressed thoughts have turned sour in my heart, building upon each other throughout the prior days. 

The new cold that has embedded itself into the wind and the trees around me, is what brings me inside. Maybe there’s an ounce of wanting to see him, or a contradicting whole lot, but it’s the sudden cold that I can’t handle anymore, and how it’s much too like the same absence that’s grown in my chest. 

“Ya hungry, babe?” he calls to me, the sound of the door opening something I’ve only gotten used to recently, but he’s mastered by now. Breathing in, I chase a deep breath, but it’s lost. Wasting the time until I have to walk past him, I sink down onto the bottom step to pry off my shoes. “I was gonna make sumthin’ fer dinna, but ‘m not sure what. Anythin’ sound good t’ you? Oh, I was wonderin,’ why weren’t you at tha team meetin’ t’day? Ev’rything’ alright?” he continues, despite my lack of an answer. The irony that sits in the possibility of replies sickens me, because there’s little else I want more than to sit down and have dinner with him. The normalcy and the ignorance to how things have so drastically changed, and so quickly. 

I wonder if I have enough time to leave, but no, I can’t. He’s noticed, and knows that I’m home. He’s expecting me. If only he could know how that same feeling has overflown inside of me, and been pushed back down each and every time, a hunger that was never fed. I hang my coat, place my keys on the ring beside his, and leave my ankle boots on the mat by his chestnut brown chelseas, just like every other time. In every way I still find it dreamy, but it’s not the same, no matter how much I wish that I could pretend that it is. 

“Becks?”

“I’m not hungry,” I softly decide on a few moments later, padding into the kitchen where he still stands in his work clothes from today. The shiny black number adorned with velvet edges now absent, and my ever favorite, the leopard button up. The pain still sings behind my ribs at the appearance of it in its lonesome, untucked from his slacks. 

“How are ya not? ‘s five o’clock, love. I know ya have yer lunches at one, so ya must be starvin,’” Harry comments, but how would he even know? The fridge makes that noise it always does when it opens, the soft pop before the whoosh of the refrigeration. “Hey, where are ya goin’? I could make a pizza, or some spaghetti fer us.” 

The words that he requires to his questions escape me, and in their place, sit the impatient ones that have been patient for far too long. Yet, I can’t find the right ones to say that feel right, but then again, all of this feels so wrong. Not one moment from the last few days has felt anything close to right. 

“Becks,” he says, urgency laden in his voice, and I wonder why I didn’t just walk up the stairs and away from him when I had the chance. “Hey, why’re you ignorin’ me, love?” 

If that didn’t do it, his hand on my shoulder, soft as can be, does. I try my hardest to not melt into putty in his hands, but he sidesteps that entirely, and walks around to stand in front of me. 

“What, it’s only okay when you do it?” I bite back, but the fervor isn’t there in my voice. No, not yet, but it’s not what does it for him when he sees my face. It’s barely there, but the way his eyes widen, and his lips part tells me that he too feels the tears warming up my cold-bitten cheeks. 

“Becks, I dunno what yer talkin’ ‘bout. What’s tha matter, love?” 

“Please, don’t lie to me,” I begin, a sob near and not too far. A swallow to wet my voice is anything but that, and I know it will only get worse as his eyebrows fall into the deepest V I may have ever seen. 

“‘m not lyin’ t’ you, bug,” he insists, cocking his head. A whimper sounds from my lips when I pull my arm out of his grasp, and the effect is immediate, firstly in his eyes. 

“You forgot about me, Harry. Our Taco Tuesday date . . watching the new episode of American Horror Story last night . . watching FRIENDS every night at dinner . . reading Harry Potter together every night before bed,” I say, the sob beginning its place behind my lips. “Ever since Nelly walked into your office on Tuesday, it’s been all about her! We’ve hardly spoken the last three days, and when we do, it’s ‘Nelly this,’ and ‘Nelly that.’ I’m your girlfriend, Harry, and I got fucking demoted by you, again!” the exclamation is dry, and yet with the sadness that leaps from my insides, no longer patient. 

“Honey, ‘m sorry,” he tries with sorrow and everything else sewn into his features, but unlike every other time, I don’t want to take it and run. I don’t want to give in, or settle. 

“Sorry doesn’t always cut it, Harry, you know that. You dropped me from your case without even asking me so you could have her help you! When we were talking about taking the case, you told me that it would be such a great learning experience for me. My first murder trial, and you gave it away to her! She’s seen how many murder trials, how many courtrooms, and known you for how long, Harry? It’s like I didn’t matter anymore the second she walked in your office. You didn’t answer your calls and texts, or if you did, it was hours later. I saw you on her Instagram story getting dinner and drinks every night this week, instead of having dinner at home, with me,” I explain, the tears wetting my lips chapped from the cold wind. “I don’t understand, Harry, what did I do or what didn’t I do? What does she have that I don’t?” 

“Becks, please-,” he starts with a sadness in his voice that I don’t want to place or take ownership of. 

“She loves you, Harry, I know it,” I say, and then, it all changes. His face does, and so do his words. He changes. 

“What? What would make ya say that?”

“Don’t play dumb, Harry, I’ve seen it. I’ve only known her for a few days, and I see it. I see it in the way she looks at you, how anytime I’ve tried to talk to you at work this week she steals you back from me, and how much she sells herself to sound like you . . how she’s so much better for you than I am,” I tell him, the emphasis at last arriving in my voice. The bravery. 

“She doesn’t feel that way ‘bout me, she never has. We’re jus’ good friends, ‘s all.” 

“P-Please, I said don’t lie to me,” I stutter, squeezing my eyes shut at the sound of his words. The sting of the denial. “She does, even Rose told me she has ever since uni, Harry! Why can’t you see that?” 

“There’s nuthin’ to see, Becks, ‘s jus’ best friends reunitin’ afta a few years. Ya wouldn’t understand . . ,” he spits back, disdain heavy in his voice, and now in my heart. 

“I’m supposed to be your best friend, Harry, but I guess, not this week.” 

“Jealous much?” he tuts with a shake of his head, his upper lip curling as his face takes on the look of . . somebody else. “Y’know what, ‘m sorry I dropped you from tha case, and yer all bitchy ‘bout that. I wanted t’ work onn’a case with me best friend fer ol’ time’s sake. I don’t see what’s so wrong with that! There’ll be how many mo’ murder cases, if that’s what yer really upset ‘bout. Nelly, she’s not in love with me, so stop bloody sayin’ that. Fookin’ f’get dinna, I don’t even wanna be ‘round you right now, yer bein’ pathetic and all jealous,” he retorts, and any words I had to say are drowning in the tears that crowd my cheeks. 

“Harry, please. Don’t,” I beg him, turning to watch him walk away and shove his feet into his boots by the door. 

“No, Becks. ‘m goin’ out fer dinna . . with Nelly. ‘ccordin’ t’ you, that’s all ‘m good at as of recent,” he says, and his voice drops when he says her name. So does my heart, and I’m sure it shows on my sleeve, because a hint of My Harry appears on his face just for a moment. Only a moment of regret and realness. I don’t wait to see if it remains, and dash past him to take the stairs two at a time until I find the guest bedroom, wishing that I could collapse onto our bed without it hurting me all the more. 

It’s a few choked breaths until I hear the door to the garage slam, his car start, and then leave. 

I guess I got my wish, afterall, to be alone.

+

The slamming of the door is what I hear next, and what lifts my heavy head from the pillow. Muffled curses pricks at my ears while I rub at my heavy eyes, a yawn leaving my lips. Blinking slowly, my eyes begin to fall shut and the pillow greets my head once more. Licking my lips, I grasp at the edges of the striped pillowcase, the remnants of my dream coming back to me. The sounds around me soften and so does the rest of my body, unbeknownst to me the hour, or the memory of the fight earlier. Nor did I know of the man who nervously climbs the stairs with a hole in his heart, searching for me. 

“There you are,” he says, but I hear it in my dream, or so I think. Opening my eyes slowly, sleep is all but lost as his steps creak across the floor after opening the door noisily. “Oh, shit. ‘m sorry, I woke you up.” 

I’d fall back asleep, ignoring him and it all, but I can’t after I hear the way the words fell from his lips. The subsequent sniffling and whimpers that adorn his words. Lying there staring into the darkness, my eyes slowly start to open more and so does my mind, and perhaps my heart. Having slept in another bed that wasn’t mine, I want more than anything to not have to fall asleep in an empty, cold bed tonight, without him. I just want things to be okay again, and to be normal. I had never before coveted the normalcy that we had only days ago, and how unknowingly happy I was living amongst it. 

It pulls me to my feet and across the room blindly, and into his arms. For the first time in days, the tears don’t find me, but as I breathe in his smell, they belong to him now. 

“Becks,” he cries from above me, his chest shaking under my touch. Sighing, all of the unspoken grievances spend themselves onto his skin, and hopefully, out of my heart. Little did I know. 

“I don’t want to fight anymore, Harry, it’s okay.” 

“‘s not okay, Becks, ‘s really not,” Harry continues, and as if in slow motion, I pull myself away from him. The glow of the streetlamp illuminates his features painted with sadness, and their rivers. 

“Harry,” I begin, afraid of the words mounting on his lips as he presses his palms against his eyes. 

“You were right,” is all he says and I’m stepping away, muttering frantic ‘no’s until I touch the bed, and sink onto it. His hands fall and in the scattered light amongst the darkness, I see the impending words weighing on his lips. “S-She kissed me . . t’night at dinna, we had been drinkin’ and . .” 

The ‘no’s are lost entirely within moments, and my head falls into my hands. An emptiness that had been building within my gut over the last few days only intensifies, and if I’d eaten anything for dinner, it would have been lost by now. 

“I stopped her, Becks, believe me. Please. I-I told her that she can’t, and I didn’t do it, too. I didn’t kiss her back, baby, I promise you that. ’m sorry, Becks, ’m so sorry,” Harry weeps. The floor creaks, but I’m too far away to know what it means, until his face falls into my lap. “I pushed her away, and told her that yer tha one I love, it could never be anybody else. I could never feel that way ‘bout her, I said that too, and how I love you so much and ‘ve been tha worst boyfriend t’ you ever since she came here . . . I-I made her leave, Becks, I swear. S-She’s gone and ‘m so fookin’ sorry I let this happen, baby, ‘m so goddamn sorry. I love you. I love you so fookin’ much, and ‘s only you. ‘s only ever been you.” 

With a choked sound, I stand up and hardly feel the carpet pass under my feet, or the wooden steps that come next. I hear my name, the one that he gave me so long ago, and only swears by. Again and again, it comes, and I listen, but I don’t. After a while, the sobs bursting from me cover his voice, but they could never silence it. No, not my favorite sound in the entire world, and yet, at this moment, it’s the one that I hate most, because of the words it said. 

“Becks, don’t. Baby, please,” he begs when I grab the keys and pull on my shoes. “Don’t leave. ‘m sorry, I promise she’s gone and isn’t comin’ back. You can’t leave anyways, ‘s a blizzard out there. They’re sayin’ people shouldn’t be drivin’ in it, ‘s tha first snowfall like this in October in a hundred years. I don’t want sumthin’ t’ happen t’ you.” 

Stopping, my hand freezes on the handle, just like it did only hours before. Only then, things weren’t nearly as bad as they are right now. Sniffling, my shoulders fall and shake harder than before, and so do my words, “I don’t want to be here,” I sob, helplessly. 

“I know, ‘m so sorry, Becks. ‘m so sorry,” he continues from behind me. I wait for the sound of his footsteps but they don’t come, and I’m not sure of my own, either. 

Standing there, I’m uncertain of how much longer I can do it, to stand. Our cries fill my ears, and the ache of all aches weighs in my chest. With every second, it feels as if my legs are going to forget me, but there I keep standing, for how long I’m not sure. 

“‘ll go, ‘ll leave you be. ‘m gonna pack a bag and stay at Myles’ down tha road . . Eat, babe, please. Have sumthin’ fer dinna,” he announces, and I swallow, past all of the anger and upset living in there. Blinking, the tears waiting in the dugout leave, and I see the cream of the door. I see all of the memories that happened even just there - the nights tripping in from too many drinks, the first nights at his place together, coming in after walks around the neighborhood, or surprising him after work with takeaway. They play before my eyes until freezing at the feeling of his lips on the crown of my head, and I close them. I wish that it could be like any other time, but the trembling of my lips tells me otherwise. “I love you, so much, Rebecca Ann. I love you, love you, love you,” he whispers before another peck, and then, he’s gone. 

I don’t remember leaving him, or making my way to the downstairs study, falling into a fitful sleep on his futon with the sights and smells of him dancing around me. I only remember wishing that this was all a nightmare that he could wake me up from, and to not have to wake up to it, again.

+

The shrill sound of my alarm is what brings my eyes open the next morning, instantly groaning. Turning over, I press Snooze on my phone screen, again, and catch the picture that I haven’t been able to get myself to change. I could place it anywhere - a visit to The National Gallery to see Monet, Harry’s recent infatuation. It was a selfie gone wrong in front of the painting, Bathers, and instead features our large smiles in a blurry photo. 

The time continues to tick away on the wall, and with every second that passes, life comes back to me, and walking back into my heart. I lay my head back down on the pillow and watch how the early morning sunlight peeking in through the shades dances across his study. The spines of his favorite books filling the shelf on the wall. Reflections painted on the screen of his trusty iMac. The ghosts stare back at me from the framed pictures around the towering object. His mum, sister, grandparents, the team at the firm, and then, there’s me. It’s the shiniest of all, absent of dust, and is in the biggest frame. He’s not even in it, like the others, because it’s just me. The pink and brown, patched quilt falls to my waist when I sit up quickly, squinting with my contactless eyes to see it. I had no idea he had printed it and framed it, to have in here, a snapshot of me from my birthday with a bedhead and a tired smile after opening presents. The accompanying frames hug the sides of his computer, but this one- no, not this one. It almost obscures the monitor itself, it’s so close, and it makes me wonder all the more if that says anything for how he holds me in his heart.

+

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mutter under my breath, stabbing at the lit up number amongst the rows. Dragging a hand through my hair, sighs fill the air whilst I smooth down my wrinkled slacks, hoping I don’t look as shitty as I feel, like I know I do. 

Not soon enough, the office comes into view, and I rush in. “I’m so sorry,” I apologize profusely, shaking my head as I set down my things in her closet where hers sit as well. “I just- I had a really terrible night, I know it’s no excuse, but-.” 

“Would you stop apologizing? You overdid it when you rang me on your drive here, don’t worry so much, love. We all oversleep sometimes. I’m just glad you didn’t miss the team meeting, come on then.” 

“God, another one? That has to be like two too many this week . . why?” I groan, following her out of the room with slumped shoulders. The realizations and realities don’t hit me until the second before I step foot into the conference room, searching for him. He’s nowhere to be found, and of course, it only makes me feel all the worse. I snoozed my alarm too many times and overslept, missed breakfast, forgot makeup, and now, my boyfriend I’m fighting with is MIA from work. 

Could this week get any worse? Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t jinx it, now. 

“Where’s your lover boy at?” Rose taunts, but when my eyes stop their investigating, I find that she’s looking around with pinched brows, too. 

“I’m wondering the same thing,” I answer softly, watching as more people fill the room, plucking bagels and muffins from the platter in the middle of the table. It would be calling my name typically, but no, something else is right now, somebody else. 

“You go and find him.” 

“But, Rose, they’re going to start-,” I begin, until Myles’ booming voice interrupts me from the front of the room. 

Her firm green eyes don’t shy away from their answer, “It’s okay, go, Becky. He doesn’t usually miss these things, anyways. He’s gotten good at actually showing up to them for once,” she says with a soft smile, patting my arm and nodding at me to follow her words. 

Nodding with a grateful smile, I weave around the cluster of familiar lawyers finding seats, and slip out the door. Searching the halls nearby is the first thing I do, but I’ve never been very lucky with that, and I’m not this time, either. I think I have it in the bag when I push open the door to his office, but despite the warm light pouring in from the windows and the ceiling lights, it’s a ruse. Harry’s not here, either. 

Whirling around, I take a step towards the door until my mind catches on something. With careful steps, I turn back around and walk over to his desk, and I notice it. The mess. It hasn’t been this unorganized since well, when I worked as his assistant. He’s always kept it clean since I started working with him again, always having a place for everything, and keeping it that way. This is odd. 

That’s pitched back onto the pile, forgotten, when the sun glimmers on something reflective. With another step, I catch sight of it, and like the other one did so perfectly, the guilt starts to bead inside of me. Inhaling suddenly, a smile lopsides my lips as I reach out to touch it. It’s just like the other one, and yet it isn’t, and in the best of ways. 

As if it’s a mirror, my face stares back at me, and in so many ways. My staff picture for the firm that he took of me on a pair of steps on a walk together during lunch. Me riding the carousel when I had to be four or five. Pigtailed primary age me kicking a football along the field in a yellow jersey. Chubby-faced me smiling at the camera with only a few teeth to call my own, drool running down my chin. A candid of me at a staff party, and one that was long ago, when I was just his assistant. One to remember, a shot of me moments before my very first case with Harry, all dolled up in my lawyer attire. In the center of them all, they sit taped to a larger picture of me smiling so hard my dimple popped, in front of a path of autumn trees. A day only just a week ago if that, I realize, while admiring it. 

Sighing, I reach a hand to brush underneath my eye, but I bump his white Apple mouse in the process. It wakes up his iMac and the sight of his screen is soon clouded with tepid tears. They fall, tasting briny against my lips, and heavy with guilt. In all of my time working with him, before, I had seen his computer. I had seen his laptop background. I had even seen his lockscreen, and it was never of somebody. No, it was a painting, song lyrics, a grocery list, or a sample background. It was never of a girl, but this time, it is. It’s him and me, some secret snap from a hike with Robbie this summer, overlooking the peak but smiling at each other while the sunset colors wash the sky. 

God, I really do need to fix this, right now. And if I had any plans for what that would be like, they’re stolen away by the wind when I look up. 

“Hey,” he says softly, worrying away at his bottom lip. His warm gray suit flutters when he stuffs his hands into his pockets, and if it weren’t for the lip thing, I know from this too that he’s nervous. Anxious or not, he looks unforgettable in that suit - the very one he donned for our first date, and I requested for so many more that he finally told me ‘no,’ because he had so many others. 

“I was looking for you,” I reveal slowly, my voice shy and distant, although I try so hard. 

“I was jus’ lookin’ fer ya too.” 

Silence falls into the space between us and claims it, separating us all the more with the desk in between us, and his figure across the room. Words fill me to the brim, and I didn’t know it a moment before, but these ones are impatient too. They grow heavy and needy when I see the glassy look to his eyes, and then disappear altogether when the first tear drips down his cheek. 

“‘m so sorry, Becks. I know I fooked ev’rythin’ up, and I understand if ya wanna break up- I-,” Harry weeps, his voice giving out on him. His dingy, flat curls move when his head shakes from side to side. My heart aches with each beat, and only sinks further when those pretty greens run away from me to hide in his hand. 

“Harry,” I begin in the worst of sighs, my rushing feet not quick enough to get me over to him. “You didn’t fuck everything up, you’re not even capable of that. Breaking up hasn’t crossed my mind, I promise.” 

“What?” he breathes, his hands falling at last. They’re slick with tears when I wrap them up inside of my own. Shock paints his face and stills the tears in his eyes that glue to me immediately. 

“Just shut up and kiss me already, big head,” I refrain, freeing his hands and grabbing his face until my lips touch his. Surely, I’ve surprised him, but it’s only seconds until he kisses me back. Her face pops into my head, and I kiss him harder. The thought of her kissing him comes next, and I lose my fingers in his hair. I try to find my ground by focusing on the feeling of his stubble underneath my fingertips, and his smell. It smells like home. 

“Baby, ‘m still so sorry,” he mumbles against my lips in between kisses. 

“It’s okay,” I assure him, pressing pecks to his mouth with hurried breaths. The image of his wet green eyes find mine again, and it’s like my heart didn’t just get sewn back together in the last minute like I’d thought. 

“‘m sorry, Becks, fer ev’rythin’ this week. Ignorin’ you, droppin’ you from tha case, comin’ home late, and our row last night,” Harry starts with tears growing in his eyes. Shaking my head, I pull him against me, and find his neck with my nose. “I was such a prick t’ you, I can’t believe it. Ya don’t deserve tha way I treated you or talked t’ you. ‘m so sorry.” 

“I know, Harry, it’s okay. I forgive you, it’s okay,” I coo, trailing my nails against the back of his neck, catching the soft curls there. “I was to blame too, I should’ve talked to you right away, and not waited. I-.” 

“No, don’t, Becks. ‘s not yer fault, none o’ it, it was all me,” he insists with a sob. I shush him, and lay my head on his shoulder, wishing to know how I could make this all go away. Hushed ‘it’s okay’s fall from my lips as I rub hearts into his back, wishing I could rub and rub until it was all better. Finally, the silence feels comforting, and no longer dangerous. 

The sniffles have slowed and almost stopped once I pull away, catching a tear budding on the end of his nose. A corner of his mouth greets his cheek as he catches one under my eye. 

“I’m sorry I got so upset last night over that stupid kiss. I know that you’d never do something like that to me . . it wasn’t your fault, Harry,” I say, brushing my thumb over his untidy stubble along his cheek. 

“Thank you . . ‘m sorry I didn’t believe ya and got all defensive ‘bout whatcha said. Yer me girl, nuthin’ will ever change that,” Harry hums, sponging a kiss to my forehead. “I got so excited t’ see Nelly at first, but she kept tryin’ t’ keep me away from you, and I shouldn’t have ignored it.” 

“It’s okay, it’s all over and done with.” 

“Mmmhmm,” he hardly smiles, looking down at me. 

“I’m your girl, huh?”

“Always, baby,” he confirms, his lips slowly spreading to shine that sunshine on me. “Hey, why tha tears when I came in, bug?” Harry shushes, leaving kisses along my face until I’m giggling. 

“Your pictures,” I say amongst the attack of kisses, hearing his confused ‘hmm?’ from somewhere on the other side. “Nothing, I just- I know. I really know, now.” 

“Good, silly girl, wantcha t’ never f’get that. Yer all mine,” he nearly sings, his lips drifting to my jaw and then my neck. “Love you, love you, love you.” 

“I love you more,” I sing back in reply, but then my breath catches when his giggle tickles my ear. “Don’t you dare! Harry!” I chuckle.

“Do what, love?” he asks, the mischief sparkling in his eyes when his lips leave my skin to smile at me now. 

“I swear to God, Harry Edward,” I titter, my words collapsing into laughs. 

“I love you most,” he claims with a loud wheeze, tittering into the corner of my neck soon, making us both laugh. 

“That’s my line!” 

“Seems I got t’ steal it this time, bug, and fook, did it feel good t’ finally get t’ say,” he comments, earning a dramatic sigh from me. “So, what d’ya say t’ skippin’ tha team meetin’ like ‘d planned, and orderin’ brekky and catchin’ up on that show o’ ours?”

“Perfect.” 

“Good answer,” he smirks, touching his lips to mine before pulling me in to wrap me up in my favorite place in the whole wide world, his arms.

+

“Are you ready yet? God, I swear you take longer than me, Harry, and I’m the gender who’s said to take the longest in the bathroom!” 

“Ya well, ‘s not very hard t’ bloody braid yer hair, throw on some gym clothes, and a hat, now ‘s it, Ms. Holte?” he calls back, and I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. With a sigh, I take a seat on the bottom step and let my chin fall into my palm. 

“Oh, would you stop? All you had to do was spray your hair and spike it, and write some words on your face with eyeliner.” 

“Be nice t’ me,” he remarks from above me, his voice coming closer. Cocking my head, I see a glimpse of him until at last, he comes into view. His grumpy face doesn’t last very long when he sees the dimple fall into my cheek, and soon, so are his. “How do I look, Ms. Green?”

“Great, Mr. Geller. You really nailed the nineties spiked hair,” I say, my words falling into a giggle that he shakes his head at. 

“Why thank you, ‘m rather proud o’ it too.” 

“I still can’t believe who you said we should go as instead.” 

“Keep teasin’ me and maybe we will go onna break,” Harry jokes, arriving at the bottom stair and soon returning to sit beside me with his pair of Old Skool vans in tow. 

“Hush,” I retort, knocking shoulders with him. Smushing the hat back against my head, my head falls onto his shoulder and I wind one of my arms around his. “You did good on the whiskers, I like them,” I note, dragging the back of my finger against his baby-smooth cheek. 

“Thanks, babe,” he mumbles while pulling on his shoes. Turning to me, the fake, black whiskers are obscured by his lovely dimples. “Ya really did do a great job with yer costume too, love, and t’ think we jus’ used what we had. We’re rather nifty, ‘d say,” he says, tapping a finger against my nose. 

“Thanks. I can’t wait to see how cute we look together.” 

“Then let’s go look, shall we, Rachel?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrows, and I nod as he kisses my forehead. 

Taking his hand, I stand up and follow him through the house until we arrive in the main floor’s bathroom, staring into the floor to ceiling mirror. A laugh immediately sputters from my lips and one from his too. 

“God, we look stupid.” 

“I hope that means we did good with our costumes,” he titters, inspecting his hair until I softly swat at his shoulder. “Ya really outdid yerself with tha pigtails, babe. Me black cap looks great on you, as does tha rest o’ yer outfit that’s mine. Ya always blow me away by how sexy ya look in me clothes.” 

“Okay, bud, would you chill out?” I chuckle whilst he sponges kisses down my neck from behind me now. “Harry, we haven’t even left for the party yet and you’re going to mess up your makeup.” 

“‘s okay, ‘s supposed t’ look a li’l messy since Ross was drunk in that episode.” 

“Harry, stop it,” I giggle when his lips wander to below my ear and his hands to my ticklish waist. “Kissy time can wait until later, mister.” 

“Hmmmph, yer no fun.” 

“I’m sure we’ll both be loads more fun when we’re tipsy later,” I note, taking his hands in mine and leaning into him. 

“Oooo, don’t tempt me, babe. Already wanna kiss all over you, yer not helpin’.” 

“Harry, I’m dressed as Rachel from the football episode in nothing but sweats. How in the hell is that sexy?” I wheeze, squirming when his fingers find just the right place on my ribs, because he’s gotten it memorized by now. 

“Told ya that ya look like sumthin’ else when ya wear me clothes. Plus, there’s never a time where ya don’t drive me mad with how beautiful ya are.” 

“Harry,” I sigh happily, opening my closed eyes to watch him litter kisses along my face in the mirror. “You know, I bet we’ll even win best couples costume.” 

“Hmmm, ya think?” he wonders aloud, lifting his head to look back at us, and in my eyes. Gently yanking on my pigtail, I giggle as I turn around and thread my arms around his neck. “Y’know what, reckon we look cute t’gether even as Ross and Rachel, but always as Harry and Becks.” 

His sunshine spreads a wider smile on my face as I hide my blushing face in his neck. The olive green button down of his slips under my fingers from behind his neck, and then again, I see the cat face scribbled on his face and ‘Ross’ written on his forehead from that one episode of FRIENDS. 

“We make a good team, huh?” I ask him, my fingers dancing over his beaming face. 

“Ya, we sure do, babe. And we’ll make a better one if ya don’t mess up me makeup I took far too long t’ put on.” 

“Okay, fine,” I relent, my thumb drifting along his cheekbones before it finds his bottom lip. “How’s this spot?”

“That works just fine.” 

“Oh, you don’t say?” I snicker, pulling down his warm lip only to have it spring back against his teeth. 

He shakes head with red cheeks while humming a response, but it doesn’t go very far until I envelope his lips with mine, sure that I’m screwing up his makeup but neither of us care. The kiss only grows sweeter when I think of the last Halloween that we spent together, and how this one is already starting off miles better.

We really have made it, haven’t we?

[poguesofthebau]

Hey! I was wondering if i could get a ship? I’m 5’5, a saggitarius and I’m 16 years old! I’m in theatre, i love hockey, writing, history and concerts! I’m super shy when you meet me but when i get to know you it is OVER, i’m loud, outgoing, as well as the group therapist. I love being able to make people feel loved and supported. I’m a harry styles, niall horan, why don’t we , ruel, and 5sos stan as well as I love show tunes, country and classic rock ! Thank you 🥰

i would first and foremost like to applaud and publicly appreciate ur stanning harry niall and 5sos bc after the falling of 1d i thought i was the only who still loved all THREE of them hoes. bless up. now back to ur regularly scheduled shipping :) (also this is one of my fave blurbs i’ve written so i hope u like!!)

i ship you with john b!! (honorary mention: the amount of mothering you would force on jj... like the ‘mama’s mad’ thing that he said about kie that one time? yeah, like that but times a million bc you were always being jj’s mom and it would be wholesome as fuck bc you’re the only one that child will ever actually listen to)

you would definitely have grown up a pogue. you would’ve gone to middle school with john b and jj back in the day, and the three of you would be a trio that nobody really saw coming. you’d be that one girl in fifth grade that everyone just thought was quiet and liked to keep to herself because you never really went out of your way to make close friends. your not being a part of a clique would be what brought you and the boys together. one day, some group of girls would take their usual table that they ate lunch at, so they’d wander over to the one you were sitting alone at, dropping their trays down with awkward smiles and even more uncomfortable body language. you’d smile back at them, not giving them much attention as you went back to the homework you’d been doing. when you made it clear that you weren’t going to bother them even if they were at your table, the boys relaxed and continued their conversation. the situation at hand would definitely include jj being pissed off and wanting to fight someone, along with john b trying to calm his friend down so he doesn’t get in trouble again. soon enough, you’d finished up all of your homework, shoved all your books back into your bag, and started eating doritos out of the bag while blatantly listening to the conversation going on before you. things seemed to be coming to a head, and the low voices between the two were getting louder and louder. eventually, jj would yell something like “shut the hell up, john b!” and earn himself a very dirty look from the teacher currently on lunch duty as well as a whack on the head from john b. rolling his eyes, jj appeared to be deep in thought as his eyes started scanning the room quickly. suddenly, his head was snapping to you, and your eyes widened when you were addressed. “what do you think?” stammering a bit, you glanced nervously between jj and john b. “wha-- what do i think about what?” jj sighed, turning in his seat to fully face you. “c’mon, you have to know what’s going on, don’t you?” john b would nudge jj then, giving him a face that told him to take it easy on you. “what? you think just ‘cause she’s quiet, she’s deaf too? i just wanna hear an outside opinion, john b.” surprised at jj’s (correct) assumption about you noticing the things that happened around you, you coughed. “um, i actually have heard,” you interjected, pulling a cocky smile out of jj. “told you, bro.” “but, no, i don’t think you should fight anyone, if that’s the question.” john b’s turn. he scoffed, looking jj in the eye. “told you, bro.”

after that one interaction, john b and jj basically took you under their wings. it was never a big deal. you just started hanging out with them-- when you were waiting for your ride home, they’d stand outside the school with you until your mom pulled up, only walking back to The Chateau when they knew you were good. they’d meet you at your lunch table every day after the first time, a tradition that would continue on through high school. they’d stand next to your locker, bickering over what the plans for after school were, while you swapped out books and laughed at their arguing. when pope and kie came into the picture, your two boys forced you to stay out of your shell, to let the new pogues get to know you like they did. before you could stop and realize it, john b and jj and kie and pope would come to know everything about you, and you them. and even though you knew all of them so well, there would sometimes be things that they kept from you-- including john b and jj. you’d catch the two of them whispering during keggers, or staring at you from across the room as you stood chatting with kie. after a few months of this sneaky behavior, you convinced yourself that one of them was into kie. you had the idea so deeply engraved in your mind that, soon enough, no other explanation seemed possible to you. that’s what you told pope one night at john b’s, when he’d come out to the hammocks, where you’d been swaying alone, to ask what the problem was. figuring it couldn’t hurt to talk things out with pope, you told him the truth. the day after you confessed to pope that you ‘knew jb had it bad for kie’ and he deciphered that you had feelings for john b, things got weird. you’d call jj that morning to see if he knew what the plan for the day was, and all he was able to do was stammer and stutter through your conversation. when you called pope to see if he’d need a ride to The Chateau, it was the same thing. so instead of trying with john b or kie, you simply made your way to the house. 

when you pulled up to The Chateau, parking in your usual spot next to the van, confusion flooded your body. jj’s bike was nowhere to be found, and neither was kie’s car, which was supposed to have brought her and pope there. you made your way into the house, finding john b putting beers into a cooler. “um, hello there? is there a reason our friends are not here like i was told they were?” john b would smile quickly at you, picking up the cooler and nonchalantly grabbing your hand to pull you along with him as he walked out of the house. “just us today.” your eyebrows would raise at that, not seeing why your friends had lied about the day’s plans so you could be alone with john b. “what do you mean, just us?” john b ignored you completely, quickly moving in and out of the hms pogue a few times as he packed it with the day’s supplies. “john booker,” you’d call tightly, getting his attention right away. he’d look up at you, still bent over from putting down the cooler on the boat, eyes wide. he knew that tone. “don’t yell at me. please.” you’d slit your eyes, arms crossed as you waited for an explanation. john b would sigh, stepping out of the boat and pacing in front of you a few times with his hands rubbing repeatedly over his face, clearly thinking about how to begin as you watched. “are you okay?” he stopped at that, staring at the ground as he replayed your words in his head. “john b. are you okay?” he’d turn to you, expression like a deer in headlights. “i’m in love with you.” you’d squint suspiciously at him again, arms falling to your side. “don’t-- don’t fucking look at me like that! i just said something very, very chillingly groundbreaking, okay? so don’t give me that look. i’m panicking, okay? you think i like this feeling right now?” you couldn’t help but laugh at that point, taking a step toward him and putting your hands on his shoulders. “john b, i can’t believe this is finally it. i mean, i knew you were gonna crack eventually, but... today? you’re choosing today, to have your psychotic break?” he’d shake his head, trying to cut you off but not getting the chance as you continued. “seriously! i just wanted to relax for five minutes. but i guess we can go back inside and handle your unstable mental state. no problem--” all of a sudden, john b’s hands had found their way onto your face, palms pressing against your cheeks as he pulled your face into his. he was kissing you. john b routledge. he was kissing you. when john b pulled back after a few moments, you were essentially stunned into silence. “hi. hi, it’s me. john b? remember?” john b was waving his hand in front of your face nervously, and you caught him by the wrist, stammering over a few words before he spoke again. “okay, sooo words seem to be kinda hard right now. that’s fine,” he’d chuckle, moving his hands to rest on your shoulders as he hunched down a little to get to your eye-level. “do you wanna get on the boat with me right now, or was that not okay, that i just did that?” you shook your head, trying to clear some of the love fuzz out of it. john b, misunderstanding your response, dropped his hands from your shoulders and took a step back, panic resurfacing in his body. “hey,” you’d call to him offendedly. “what are you doing?” “what am i doing? what are you doing?” you’d laugh then, slipping your arms around john b’s waist and hugging him when you closed the distance again. “so, that was actually okay?” “yes, idiot. that was perfectly okay.” john b wrapped his arms around your back, smiling and releasing the breath he’d been holding in. “cool. cool. so, we getting on the boat or what?”

[shesawriter39049]

Disclaimer, it’s like 10 o’clock at night, I’m writing this on my phone... and I’m three drinks in but it’s me so I’m sure you guys didn’t expect anything else besides a hot ass mess 😩😩😩😭😂👏🏽!

 First off if I’m being honest, I didn’t really think I would do some long dramatic ass post about today. Hence why it’s coming at almost the end of the night! However I saw quite a few post on Twitter and to be honest the thing that made me want to get involved wasn’t the memories of the boys but the ones the fans were sharing as well...

Life happens I’m not the 18-year-old girl that I was when I first got on here so I don’t really have as much time but... that’s part of what made me feel like I had to join in. A lot of you guys have been with me since I was 18 and I turned 26 this year. For some godforsaken reason there’s still close to 50 K of you guys still following this blog and the majority of you found me because of my original One Direction account! So you guys know better than anyone that I’ve been through hell and back with this damn fandom but I still wouldn’t trade it,or you guys for anything so here I am making my sappy ass post 😒🤦🏽‍♀️!

So first and foremost let me say...Not only am I proud of the boys but of our fandom as well because we’ve come a long ass way!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

The friends and the memories I’ve made because of these boys!!! These fucking chaotic and stupidly talented boys! I found these motherfuckers when I was 17... you already know the story by now I got dragged along to one of their smaller radio gigs when they were just starting to do promo in the US! Once I graduated my best friend and roommate at the time was already whipped and she had my ass sucked all the way in lol watching the X factor reruns and hours worth of crackhead energy content on YouTube...😂😩😂 those videos diaries though💀😩!

Fast forward now I’ve traveled around the world to see these boys 12 shows and 4 meet and greets under the belt! To be honest there first two albums felt a little too “young” for me even then! But I loved there voices and there personalities were just A FUCKING 1 and of course it was all catchy AF! Then once I actually saw them live...I stuck and I decided to ride it out and stick around and mannn was it worth the ride! Till this day outside of being a old school 90s boyband fan nothing will truly top the memories and friends I made through them! All of the bullshit and drama aside it still doesn’t compare to the memories that I have to look back on during that whirlwind of a career that they had while they were together!  There aren’t many artist I can say their entire career was essentially their prime! 

The stories I have from going to shows,traveling for shows or even as we got older and it became kinda normal for us to see certain members just out chillin. Weather that be at a Starbucks, a concert, or even a club( que Liam in his phase of hosting parties 😂)! 

But I have to say above everything else something that I’m the most proud of...is that this fanbase grew with the boys and eventually learned that these are normal dudes and we don’t “own “ them! The way it changed from hating every girl the boys were seen with to encouraging them to date and enjoy life! The way we slowly stopped caring and freaking out about every damn thing and just enjoyed the ride! The way we just mind our own damn business and only make our presence known when needed!! 👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽👌🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Hell just the way we as fans matured as a whole...but also a lot of us are like 25 and up now too so I’d hope we learned something bc some of these fandoms now...Chile!

Actually One Direction are the reason I’m in even on tumblr to begin with.... but also things were different I was younger and actually had time to really be a “fan girl” and fully ingulf myself in the experience if I wanted to! I know I didn’t go anywhere near as hard as some fans because I still did try to have some form of a life lol...Buttttt the things that I did do and engage with looking back on it all these years later I still don’t regret dedicating those fan girl days to these 5 boys!

Happy 10 years boys and happy 10 years to us as fans, at 26 I’m still not embarrassed to call myself a 1D fan! 🤷🏽‍♀️

It was a wild ass ride but if you hung on it was worth it how did they saying used to go?

Ahh

“If you know...you know...” 😉😏

Stay safe my babies I still love you guys even though I don’t get to interact with you as much fingers crossed I get to see some of you next year if Harry is allowed to reschedule his tour dates 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽