#and the money goes to a queer charity? yes

[god-i-hope-so]

Re Bobby's cookbook and Tommy's little garden.

What was initially created as a single book for Bobby's birthday became a real book. They actually publish it, low copies, just for the people around them, friends, family, other firegfighters and coworkers, but it ends up being a success and they need to print more. This time, they add small sections on some of the recipes, "Tommy's Garden", where Tommy gives some advice to grow your own herbs and other easy to keep alive vegetables that you can use in the recipe.

All the team has their own little sections on various recipes to add a comment or a twist to the recipe, Karen and Maddie too, all the kids even rate the recipes so people know if various children liked it or not, and why.

As a surprise for Tommy, Buck created his own lasagna recipe, called "Daddy's Favorite Lasagna" and he's very proud of it lol

[atiny-for-life]

Creative Spotlight #1: Kim Hongjoong

Masterlist

Intro: With so many new Atinys coming in, I figured now would be a good time to shed some light on all the boys' creative solo projects over the years, big and small.

Photography

Hongjoong's love for photography goes way back to his predebut days. In one of the first videos ever uploaded to their channel, you can already see him holding a camera on the set of Pirate King.

2 years ago, in 2022, he got to announce his first photo exhibition, FROM NOVEMBER 7, 1998, as a birthday present to himself, which took place from November 1st to 7th at gallery99 and was used to collect money for charity.

There was no entrance fee but spots had to be reserved online to ensure there'd be no dangerous crowding. During the exhibition, there was a little event planned for all attendees in which fans could collect points which were then converted to money that was later donated under Hongjoong and Atiny's name. The total donated amount was 10 million won!

In Logbook Episode 101, we got to see Hongjoong visit the exhibition himself and take a stroll through memory lane.

Due to the success of the 2022 exhibition, Hongjoong held another one last year which took place between November 3rd and 9th, 2023, and was titled A Walker - the event was accompanied by the release of an original song and led to the donation of 50 million won under Hongjoong's and Atiny's name to the Korea Childhood Leukemia Foundation.

BY. HONGJOONG

Back in 2018, Hongjoong shared during their stay in LA as KQ Fellaz, that he barely went to school since he already started producing music during his high school days. And yes, this is during the same tear jerking monologue where he calls Ateez his family for the first time and says he needs to hurry so he can see their sleeping faces before he goes to bed.

The first time we get to see Hongjoong fully in action as a producer is during his first 1-Day-Vlog in 2020 in which he's working on his Prince cover (more on that in a second).

But now to the main event: Hongjoong has an entire series going where he covers some of his all time favorite songs. Whenever he does, he likes to make the songs his own by recording his own instrumental track and typically adding an additional Korean rap verse with self-written lyrics highlighting his interpretation of the song's message.

Kicking things off with Space Oddity by David Bowie, a classic.

Side Note: As a lover of unisex clothing/androgyny, Hongjoong is likely not just inspired musically by Bowie, but also fashion wise. You can learn more about Bowie's influence on the climate surrounding gender and sexuality here.

Dressed in white, matching both his hair and the background, Hongjoong turned himself into a clean canvas on which he projected first footage of Bowie and later some floating orbs - it's very aesthetic.

Between the original verses and chorus, he placed a Korean rap verse in which he writes from Major Tom's perspective and laments his mental state while stuck alone in outer space, asking ground control to tell his mom he loves her while stating he still appreciates the beauty of space but feels lost and lonely all by himself.

Next up, we've got Purple Rain by Prince, another classic.

Side Note: Like Bowie, Prince too was famous for being androgynous in how he presented himself and toying with what society deemed masculine and feminine. He's famous to this day among the queer community for how persistently he defied gender norms and labels. Learn more about him here.

Instead of filming himself, we get a lyric video this time, fully kept in pastel lavender. Once again, Hongjoong added a rap verse of his own in which he speaks to a lost friend, talking about how he hopes that, even though they're apart now, his friend will still recall him as being sincere and that they can still think of each other fondly and remember the good times.

In a far more elaborate production, we've got Black or White by Michael Jackson up next.

Using green screen and multiple outfits, we get a fun spectacle of a little passion project featuring multiple versions of Hongjoong, background collages, emojis, and more:

Despite being shorter than the other covers, we still get the signature rap verse preceded by his famous giggle and, this time, he's got quite a bit to say.

Diving into the lyrics, he talks about how we're all different colors. Colors which are meant to be mixed. Our roots don't define us. Throughout life, we'll all get mixed up with each other, as we should. He doesn't want to see us divided. To quote: "What's wrong with you, babe? Stop it. You've already experienced the 20th century. Blah blah by dividing groups."

The song ends with the rap verse before the video dives into the making of in which Hongjoong specifically addresses his intent to talk about social issues like Michael Jackson famously used to while he was alive (think: They Don't Really Care About Us).

So long time by Yoon Jong Shin comes next with a sepia-toned video featuring Hongjoong at a grand piano. It's a pretty ballad highlighting his vocals and the use of multiple camera angles allows us to watch him play.

Shortly before we hit the 2 minute mark, Hongjoong gets up and we transition from the shot of the piano to a cassette player while the audio shifts to the original for a moment before Hongjoong returns.

We've reached the rap verse where he mourns a lost love, speaking of memories he can't let go of, even as he pretends everything is okay. He's cold and lonely now, a little mad at himself for continuously getting lost in the memories, and calls himself a fool before we return to the cover-part of the song.

At 3:58, the song wraps up and we've reached the making of section of the video where he talks about how his cover stems from the idea of a time machine taking you through the song, with the first verse (playing the piano) being the past, the rap verse symbolizing the present, and the memories then taking back over as he gets lost in them, leading to the piano's return.

Next up, we've got Last Christmas by Wham! which opens to a short clip of Hongjoong's acting on a pretty Christmas film set before we transition to a simple white back drop.

This time, the signature rap verse comes in early at 50 seconds with a little giggle before he talks about leaving the past in the past and moving on, letting the snow settle over painful memories.

However, this time, we also get a second rap verse at 1:45, where it becomes clear he hasn't moved on at all, plus a Korean vocal section at 2:43 which carries through to the end. Here, he highlights even further that he hopes they'll reconnect next winter so they can leave the painful past behind and live out a shared future.

Hongjoong in his emo era. This is the first Ateez-related video I've ever seen because I was born in '96 and my emo phase never ended so of course this was recommended to me when it was first released.

Numb by Linkin Park got the full Hongjoong treatment and was even reported on by Rolling Stone, quote:

The cover began trending on social media and YouTube within hours of its release, but the true prize came a day later when it caught the attention of Linkin Park themselves. The rock band’s official Twitter account ‘liked’ the post on ATEEZ’s page, with co-founder and vocalist Mike Shinoda confirming on a livestream that he’d seen and enjoyed the cover. As of this writing, Hongjoong’s version of “Numb” has over half a million views on YouTube and has garnered tremendous praise from Linkin Park’s fans.

We get the black eye makeup and nail polish, the plaid half skirt, the dramatic music video with fake fog and red lighting. The rap verse comes in hard, talking about getting mentally weighed down by an abuser and finally breaking free, cutting the ties.

As a long time Linkin Park fan, I love how unique this cover is and Chester would've loved it too I'm sure. I wish he could've seen it.

Fools Garden's Lemon Tree is another classic and I come back to it on the regular because the video has such a unique vibe and the song is famous for getting stuck in your head.

The video features Hongjoong alone in a house surrounded by colorful toys and games, bored out of his mind and visibly seeking a distraction from life but failing to find something, no matter how out of pocket his thinking gets.

Shoutout to the license plate - it's the release date of the song, November 3rd, 1995.

At 1:33, Hongjoong sprints off to the basement which is doused in red and we get a warped version of his signature giggle before the rap verse kicks in. The camera work in this section reminds me a bit of his rap verse in Not Okay.

While down there, he gets more and more deranged, talking about being locked up day by day, imprisoned, losing track of time, but being unable to break out. Instead of trying to escape, he just attempts to distract himself, listening to sad songs on a loop until his pain disappears and his world switches back to yellow.

Busking Event

In 2021, Hongjoong decided to put together a busking event featuring live performances of some covers, plus acoustic versions of some of their songs. Accompanying him were both Ateez and Maddox. You can find the full playlist here:

Collaboration

3 months ago, Chungha made a return to the music scene after escaping her former label and chose Hongjoong as a collaboration partner for her new debut. Beyond his rap verse, she also incorporated a move from Crazy Form in the choreography (she's lovely):

[therealslimsanji]

I'm ngl, everytime I see like hate towards Taz over this it's like there's a new thing to be like upset about because the behaviour is just so bad that it really doesn't feel like good faith arguments.

I'll also be upfront, I'm very arab and am a quarter Palestinian so it's not like I don't have any say in this, even if thankfully my family aren't near the genocide that is happening they are still very affected by this.

Like people being against the 'neutrality' of the red Cross have to understand that this is the same neutrality that doctors and surgeons have to have when it comes to aiding people. It's the kind of neutrality that is not about avoiding doing anything which is the real problem but the neutrality of "do no harm" which is a needed ethical point that needs to be with anyone who has a person's life in their hands. If people are worried that sending money to the British Red Cross might mean that the money goes to British Tax then that's just not the case as they are a charity and that means all the money that goes into the charity must go to whatever aid the charity is about with none of it going to taxes.

I just feel like the people who (rightly) get pissed about any doctor that doesn't help a trans or queer person because of the doctor's "religious beliefs" are missing the main point of why this shit is horrendous, because it is one person who has someone's life in their hands choosing who lives or dies instead of just trying to do the job of preventing death.

And the British Red Cross only brings aid to civilians, people who are just living in these places, and Israeli civilians are still people with lives, whether they support their government or not or anything, they still have families and the death of those families can be kindling of the corrupt and is the suffering of the living, regardless of whether it is an Israeli family or a Palestinian family (it's even this point that is making me post this anonymously because I saw how people questioned Taz's heritage and I've had people dismiss my nationality because of how much I try to stay anonymous (my parents are queerphobic and I am currently engaged to my girlfriend of 4 years and of course I don't want my parents knowing that))

And I've brought up like people making this point that he wanted to distance himself from his arab half because he goes by Taz Skylar instead of Tarek Yassin and like ??? The man has been upfront about being dyslexic and tarek, and Yassin has multiple phonetic spellings that would mess with writing it??? Like legit, Taz Skylar is probably the easiest thing to write and read if you're dyslexic.

And then the way people acted over him, deleting tweets and shit like yes, he is an adult, but he's also an adult that has mental issues and had been upfront about that??? Like, I'm just glad that he eventually just stuck to the point and clarified some things as well in his Instagram post. (Like the fact that he brings up that he also wanted to help the refugees that come up to tenerife kinda shows that he had other things in mind and probably just didn't think that would translate to taking any position on the genocide and when people mistook that he had to clarify he just doesn't want innocent people hurt)

Ngl I might just send some anon messages once in a while just being like "AND ANOTHER THING" but atm it is also too early so for now imma leave these points and just try to get on with my day because OOF

Thank you for this! Because I've argued with peoplen who say "you can't be neutral in a genocide" with "yes, actually, you can because it doesn't mean you're INDIFFERENT. And in the case of thr RC, neutrality saves the lives of INNOCENT parties on both sides." But they just don't wanna hear it. I guess because it makes too much sense? Idk.

And the issue with his name is stupid as FUCK. I'm half Sicilian. In the 40s-60s, MANY singers and actors would change their ethnic looking/sounding Italian surnames to more "American" ones. People changing their names and/or shortening them is NOTHING new, and even white Americans have done the same thing in Hollywood. Let's be honest, he probably went with Taz Skylar because 1) Taz sounds like a possible nickname given to him when he was a kid and he just stuck with it because he liked it and 2) going into the acting business with an Arab name? Guess what roles he's gonna get stereotyped with. Especially if/when he becomes bigger over here in America. It has zero to do with "distancing himself." He's done nothing that other famous folk haven't been doing for DECADES.

You can send as many ANONS as you wish. Honestly, this is my first time ever getting Anon asks, and it's been fun 😄.

[hole34]

WELCOME TO MY BLOG (BYF)

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[dravenistired]

Okay, so, random thought as an autistic burnt out gifted kid; does anyone else feel like the song ‘How the World Works’ by Bo Burnham is like, sorta how school is for gifted kids?

I don’t know, like Socko represents us, and at first he explains where he’s been, where he describes how he’s kinda just been floating in a seemingly inter-dimensional space in his perception, and he compares it to a constant state of sleep paralysis (which I’ve connected to executive dysfunction with us), and when asked to help Bo explain how the world works, he’s begins just telling the truth about how the world actually is instead of the narrative that school feeds us all the time, then when they stick people onto you that you’re supposed to explain how it works, you’re expected to be patient and understanding and explain it to a bunch of people you don’t even wanna be around at the tender age of 7.

Maybe it’s just me, or I’m just projecting, but I feel like it’s constantly our responsibility as young people to explain people out of their ignorance, which isn’t inherently bad, it’s just super tiring for a group of kids and/or teenagers to constantly be explaining why they deserve to exist ( i.e black young people, POC young people in general, queer young people, neurodiverse young people, and all of the intersectional bits of those things)

Then, after Bo says that he’s just “trying to be a better person”, Socko snaps and goes on a rant about how upper-crust first class white people constantly feel the need to insert themselves into every single socio-political or economically underdeveloped issue that exists in the current world in attempts to convince themselves they’re “part of the solution” when really, all they’re doing is throwing money (that, mind you, would amount to pocket change to them seeing as a lot of those rich people don’t pay taxes) at random charities without doing any research or actually wanting to make a difference, then call themselves activists when they make a few videos and talk about it for seven minutes out of the 525,600 minutes of the year. He says this isn’t about Bo, so he can either get with it, or don’t get in the way of people actually trying to make a difference.

Then, as what usually happens when we as (mostly if not all) neurodiverse gifted kids tend to go off on those kinds of rambles, as well as when we hit too close to home with information they don’t want us to “poison” the other peoples minds with, Bo proceeds to tell Socko to watch his language and the thing he said that really stuck out to me is he said “Remember who’s on who’s hand here!” And the way he says it is so chipper and he’s smiling and laughing as he says it, but the undertones are the same; “Watch yourself, don’t forget who controls you.” Which really hits home, because a lot of the time, if we step out of line, we’re told that we could ruin our lives with our behavior, and they threaten us with an array of things, like failing us, holding us back, all that stuff.

Socko, of course, literally stammers in shock and asks if Bo has been listening to anything he’s been saying, and when he tries to speak again, (and this is actually in the video, but even without it, it’s interesting to think about) Bo starts to put Socko away, to which Socko starts to scream and beg not to go back (again, I kinda associate this with us begging for resources and begging to not go back to toxic places we’ve been pulled out of, which applies to quite a few different circumstances)

He literally begs and pleads and apologizes for saying what he did, and then this happens:

“Are you gonna behave yourself?”

“…Yes.”

“Yes, what?

“Yes, si-”

“Look at me.”

“Yes, sir.”

And then Bo just starts singing again, and he says he hopes that’s Socko learned his lesson, to which Socko says he did and it was painful.

And right at the end of the song, they do the chorus and Socko’s voice is strained and just so worn out, and Bo rolls his eyes and rips him off his hand, to which Socko immediately screams “No- NO-!” Which I think is kind of a callback to if you don’t act like everything is fine and act like you’re supposed to (aka MASKING) they’ll stick you back where it hurts, and they won’t let you out til you promise to behave “like you’re supposed to”.

Anyway, that’s all.

[the-turtleduck-pond]

MCC Pride

... get over the fact that there are cishets in Pride MCC.

No I am not joking. Yes, I am queer.

I also understand that this is a charity event and there are only a minimal amount of decently big LGBTQ+ CCs. Scott did his best to get as many as he could while still keeping the idea that they are there to have fun and raise money.

Big streamers bring in more money. So yes, there are cishets, but they are there to have fun with their friends and help out the LGBTQ+ community.

Scott managed to get 50% of creators that were queer this MCC. That's fucking amazing while still keeping that this is a charity event in mind.

If you want more queer creators in MCC, help queer creators get big. Watch them. Follow them. Sub to them. Them not having a large fan base is what keeps them out of events like this, not just the decisions of Scott and the MCC crew. The same goes for POC creators actually. And female CCs.

You can't constantly watch cishet white males and then complain that there aren't more LGBTQ+, POC, and female CCs.

Stop blaming the players and stop blaming Scott. They're not the problem and they're not to blame.

We, the fanbase control how big a creator gets. So if you want it to change go fucking change it.

P.S. This does not mean stop supporting or following your favorite cishet, white, or male creators. It just means give some of that energy towards queer, POC, and female ones. Stopping supporting the others only causes a whole new problem and is no better of a result.

[meyhew]

what made you stop liking harry

i rly hate when ppl post essays abt why theyre "unstanning" or whatever so its under the cut

i haven't rly vibed with him since early 2020. the first Big red flag for me was when he released the stupid STUPID covid merch, which cost me some mutuals (that i'd been previously very fond of) because i said it was a tone deaf thing for him to do and just very stupid—all the while masquerading around los angeles getting papped at the onset of a global pandemic. like that was so so stupid. i dont care if the proceeds or the profits or whatever went to charity; he could easily donate that much money out of his own pocket without putting factory workers at even more risk.

i forget when his casting in my policeman was announced but i do know that he knew about it when he was going to those black lives matter protests and kneeling with black people, knowing full well he'd agreed to play a cop—in 1950s england of all places. in a movie that will not address that racism and colonization because it's about two white gay men. newsflash: gay cops are class traitors. as a pakistani queer person, i HATE his involvement in that story and there's nothing u can say to change my mind about that

not excited about dont worry darling bc every mf on the planet has been obsessed with olivia wilde and if he's fucking her or if she's an evil bitch or whatever and im bored. i dont care

i fucking hate pleasing. i HATE pleasing. i hate that its a "lifestyle" brand, which means they can sell literally anything they want without actually having any credibility or authority to do so. im sick of celebrity makeup brands but at least those celebrities deal with makeup a lot on a daily basis. harry specifically has no business putting out skincare items—which aren't even good—and charges the prices that he has. i hate how much they charge for shipping and for literally everything, and how late their deliveries are. taking literal months and months. yes i know harry himself doesnt dictate all of that but it's his name attached to the brand. if i have a problem with ariana grande's makeup line, i'm going to complain about ariana grande—not the people putting together the formulas. u know?

OH. there was also that nfl/pepsi fiasco. lmao. forgot about that until now but that made me feel incredibly icky and im glad it was disaster

i didn't like harry's house

i also dont like his silence regarding palestine. ironically this isnt AS much of a contributing factor bc he doesnt need to comment on everything going on in the world but he has a habit of saying something when tragedy strikes somewhere that isn't palestine. so that has left a bad taste in my mouth <3

and i HATE his fans. the way they talk about him is so fucking obnoxious. if they didnt harass me literally every single maybe i might still care a little bit. but i blacklisted his name a few months ago bc blocking only goes so far and i did not want to see what these freaks were saying, which resulted in me rarely ever seeing anything harry related. and i realized... i don't really care if i dont see him. and that was that. it's not like any one big thing happened and i decided i hate him. i just realized i dont rlly love him anymore the way i once did. i still really love self titled and fine line and i'll probably still listen to any other music he puts out but yeah. thats all

[panicatthesocialmedia]

any music recommendations?

I‘m glad to you asked.

I was intact tempted to send you my 250k utterly specific playlists that have the weirdest names, but instead I handpicked a few that just won‘t get out of my head.

Welcome to the colour of my Rainbow eerrr music taste post.

(If I am a good girl I might even add playable audios to this or whatever... so yeah Click the song title to be redirected to THE YouTube)

• Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys or „How to make people go crazy while you wobble on the floor bc this slaps“

• Young and Doomed by Frank Iero and The Future Violents or „Oh wow the second one already is by the jersey motherfukxer gremlin“

• Honey by Halsey or „How does that godesss write amazing songs without intending to write an actual song“

• Hollywood by Lewis Capaldi or „why does this hit into the feels, but not like the others?“

• Le parole lontane by Måneskin or „the band that has the intention to make everyone horny“

• Dasher by Gerard Way or „the story behind this song makes my wanna pick their brain and eat a piece“/„oh look a mother jersey motherfukxer“

• Vampire Money by My Chemical Romance or „The song by the Jersey motherfukxers that makes me go wild immediately and dance like a mf”

• Back and White by Niall Horan or “do I wanna dance or happily cry in a corner?”

• Impossible by Nothing but Thieves or “Will I ever get over this stupid song?”

• charity by YUNGBLUD or “why does this speak the truth?”

• Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer or “sending horny vibes”

• Again by grandson & Zero 9:36 or “can I eat this song?”

• All Star by Smash Mouth or “no, don’t ask - I have no clue”

• Blood // Water by grandson or “why do I walkways turn back to this song?”

• Bloodline by Luke Hemmings or “Softly whispering feels, that stab you 100%”

• Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder or “yeah idk”

• Bury Me Face Down by grandson or “JuSt dO IT”

• Centerfold by The J. Grips Band or “this slaps”

• Champagne Supernova by Oasis or “do all heur. Songs basically sound the same but somehow still slap?”

• Changes by David Bowie or “did she once saw this song performed by ballet dancers and since then it’s meaning has exploded to level 10001?”

• Creep by Radiohead or “does she know other Radiohead songs?”

• Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low or “ I got your picture, I’m coming with you”

• die without u by LØLØ or “sometimes I wish I could bury you alive”

• Encore 2: One Day More by The Les Miserables 10th Anniversary cast or “why does my leg hair stand up?”

• Everybody Talks by Neon Trees or “One hit wonder?”

• Fluorescent Adolescent by Arctic Monkeys or “Why is this not a candle name?”

• Footloose by Kenny Loggins or “Yes I’m queer leave me alone”

• Four Letter Words by K.Flay or “Yes”

• How the World Works by Bo Burnham or “why isn’t this played for educational purposes in school?”

• I’m with You by Avril Lavigne or “how does this still slap like the first time listening to it?”

• Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls or “*cries*”

• Kein Liebeslied by Kraftklub or “I’m dumb”

• Killer Queen by Queen or “should this be played at my funeral”

• Kokomo by The Beach Boys or “ja”

• Lemon Tree by Fool’s Garden or “wait that’s a German artist and I like it?”

• Love race by Machine Gun Kelly feat. Kellin Quinn or “what?”

• Parasite Eve by Bring Me The Horizon or “??? Oh ya!”

• Violence by Frank Iero and the Future Violents or “can someone tattoo the guitar intro into my fucking brain?”

• Take it Easy by the Eagles or “this should be my mantra”

• I Was Made for Lovin’You by Kiss or “This goes to my blorbos”

• Summer of ‘69 by Bryan Adams or “I wasn’t even born yet”

• Africa by Toto or “is this a choir song made to be sung by entire stadiums?”

• Paranoid by Black Sabbath or “can you help me occupy my brain?”

• Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple or “another guitar intro to tattoo on my brain”

• The Boys Are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy or “oh boy”

• Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones or “Just Paint it all Black Mf”

• Smooth Criminal performed by Alien Ant Farm or “yes they were right this song is rad and screamed reeeedo me”

• Bulls on Parade by Rage Against the Machine or “have ya read the lyrics?”

• Love Buzz by Nirvana or “shit”

• What’s Up? by 4 Non Blondes or “this just has to be included motherfuckers”

• Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley or “let’s not just do it for the memes”

• Time In a Bottle by Jim Croce or “ohhhh”

• If I Could See the World (Through the Eyes of a Child) by Patsy Cline or “I wish”

• I’m Still Standing by Elton John or “get up cowards and dance bc yes you are still standing”

• Hooked On a Feeling by Blue Swede or “nah not that angelic voice Swede from the gay pirate show”

• Everybody wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears or “nothing ever lasts forever”

• Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac or “just play it mf”

• Burnin’ for You by Blue Öyster Cult or “these names are so cool lol”

• December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night) by The Four Seasons or “is that a hotel or a garden centre?”

• Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith or “they just know how it goes”

• Kickstart my Heart by Mötley Crüe or “this name is fraught out of a fantasy novel and they just found out about dots over letters”

• 9 To 5 by Dolly Parton or “idk I can’t explain why this slaps so hard but it does”

• Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi or “yes”

• Tainted Love by Soft Cell or “yes yes”

• That’s All by Genesis or “it’s always the same”

• You Shook me All Night Long by AC/DC or “are they sure it isn’t AD/AC?”

• Life is a Highway by Rascal Flatts or “yes this is the Car soundtrack”

• Dancing Queen by ABBA or “all their songs slap let’s be real so why not choose the one everyone knows?”

• Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper or “it’s the truth!”

• (Don’t Fear) The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult or “Romeo and Juliet”

• On my Way by Phil Collins or “brother bear soundtrack”

• I’m on Fire by Bruce Springsteen or “🔥”

• I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty or “pep talk”

• Major Tom (Völlig Losgelöst) by Peter Schilling or “why didn’t they use the og version, but instead the one translated for the masses”

• Deutsche Bahn by Wise Guys

• Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd or “did I miss a nyrd”

• Drift Away by Dobie Gray or “if you don’t think this slaps unfollow me”

• September by Earth, Wind & Fire or “🔥”

• What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong or “this was my grannies fave”

• Make it Stop (September’s Children) by Rise Against

• Nothin’ But a Good Time by Poison

• Fade into You by Mazzy Star ⭐️

• The Whole “Bein Dead” Thing from Beetlejuice

• Desolation Row performed by My Chemical Romance

• Ambulance by My Chemical Romance

• Letters to The Lost by COUNTERFEIT.

• Midnight by Creeper

• Cyanide by Creeper

• Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash

• Foundations of Decay by My Chemical Romance or "the jersey motherfuckers are back in town"

• I Walk the Line by Johnny Cash

• Fire Away by Chris Stapleton

• Stranger by Jesper Munk

• Self Esteem by The Offspring

• Heaven Help Us by My Chemical Romance

• Sabotage by the Beastie Boys or “Start and Finish line”

I know this might seem excessive, but I couldn’t cut it down further. And I cut it down like A LOT. Basically all the songs by the each of the jersey motherfukxers had to go. And then I had to cut it down even further and it’s still a long list lol.

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

How the foxes celebrate pride month!

Nicky of course goes all out and dresses in fancy pride coloured outfits and paints his face and marches in the pride parade (yes, Eric visits so he takes him too). He also has giant pride flags. It feels greatly liberating for him to celebrate something that he's always been ostracised for. At night, he cries when he thinks about the conversion camp and Eric holds him through it and murmurs softly to him.

Renee dyes her hair entirely in pastel rainbow colours and joins Nicky in the pride parade. She loves watching the love and acceptance in all the faces. She smiles and smiles and smiles and even sheds a few tears when she sees some queer kids hugging their parents.

Allison wears pride colours in designer clothes of course and even though she doesn't march in the parade, she donates huge amounts of money to charities for lgbtqiia+. She's not a very emotional person in general, but when she sees all the love in the air, it fills some empty part of her.

Dan and Matt also march in the parade. They're the loud cheering types, and they also make cute posters with slogans like, 'I love you, just the gay you are' and 'Pride, not Prejudice'. They feel great anger when they think about all the injustices that queer people have to face and they're there for anyone to talk to.

Katelyn forces a hesitant Aaron into volunteering with some pride activities they have at school. She is bedecked in so so many pride pins and she pins a few onto Aaron when he isn't looking. Aaron has a complicated understanding of queerness. He'd always been raised to think it's wrong, but when he sees Nicky and Eric and Neil and Andrew he's slowly starting to see that they're not much different than Katelyn and him. Homophobia was taught to him at a young age but he's trying to unlearn it.

Kevin teaches a group of queer kids Exy for one week. He knows that being queer is inconvenient for Exy, knows that they might face some discrimination or backlash but he finally understands that that is a part of their identity. He realises that it's more important for them to be themselves without being afraid of the consequences. He wonders who he'd be if he were so afraid of the Moriyamas that he quit Exy altogether. Honestly, he doesn't want to know.

Neil doesn't like celebrating things for himself but when it comes to other people he'll do anything. So while he knows Andrew would hate to join a loud crowded parade, he knows just what to get him. He buys him a rainbow cake which gets him a dry look from Andrew but it only takes a few hours until there's only crumbs left. And if somehow Neil's lips are smeared with rainbow icing even though he didn't have any cake, well, that's their business isn't it? The thing Neil loves best about the lgbtqiia+ community is that they're family even though they're not blood. He feels almost overwhelmed by how loving and accepting they are, something he never found in his blood family (it reminds him of the foxes). Andrew doesn't think about the queer community much, but when he sees parents supporting their children for being queer, it makes something in his heart clench.

[cblgblog]

Imagine Mildolyn, "Illicit Affair", Modern AU. Where Gwen's campaigning for Congress and all the meet and greets, showing up for charities for publicity, her 'cause'. At one for special needs children and their foundation she meets a very young CNA named Mildred and sort of falls head over heels in the dumbest of ways, both just love struck. Except she's campaigning to be in Congress, she's a politician, she cannot be queer and chasing after 19 year old ex-foster kids whos brothers are set to be the youngest executed on Death Row in California in decades for appalling crimes. But there she is, in hotel rooms her supporters pay for, with someone she shouldn't be with, trying to find ways to overturn cases that turned stomachs with their brutality, because a pretty girl smiled at her and called her 'ma'am' while showing her around the foundation/care home she worked at with children no one else had the time/patience to care for. Of course it goes terribly with 'dirty little secret' vibes, the breast cancer diagnosis announced on twitter before she tells Mildred in person, even if it's such a minor case ('so they say') and caught so early that it'll barely leave a scar, radiation won't be much of a deal at all. She doesn't get to tell Mildred that, she just gets to hear on Fox news about how the democrat's gonna die a horrible death and panic.

Mildred who has no patience for politicians and their fake concern, using patients as photo ops. It’s manipulative, it’s distracting to the staff, it’s awful, okay, she hates it. She is, in fact, a tad bit rude to Gwen when they meet. Gets her a death glare from Betsy Bucket, gets Gwen intrigued.

“Republican?” only half-joking.

“No.”

“Is it the suit? Should I have worn a different suit? I wanted to, but I’ve been told this one tested better.”

“The suit is fine.” It’s more than that, actually, but Mildred will not be saying that aloud, nope, uh-uh. “I don’t much care for politicians.”

“Ah, we have that in common then.”

“I doubt we have much of anything in common. Ma’am.”

And look, Gwen doesn’t usually go in for the chasing, the hard to get. She’s got enough trouble chasing votes. But this woman is so good with the kids on her ward, so patient. She’s got Disney scrubs on and as much as she’s got no time at all for Gwen, she seems to have infinite amounts for those kids. She stays with them individually, longer than any of the other staff Gwen sees, but she still manages to get a dozen things done in half as many minutes. And she’s also gorgeous, there’s that.

And Gwen has no good reason to ask her out for lunch. Honestly, none. Nothing good can come from this. Mildred asks if the citizens of California will be paying for this meal and Gwen swears that isn’t the case, no, absolutely not. Even still, Gwen doesn’t expect Mildred to say yes. She doesn’t think Mildred expected Mildred to say yes.

But she does. Tells herself it’s for Edmund, maybe this’ll be the one politician who listens, who’s willing to look past the surface facts, willing to help. Except she gets there and they don’t talk about Edmund. It’s not because Mildred doesn’t know how to bring it up, she’s made her case dozens of times. She just…they don’t talk about him, and that feels like a betrayal, but Gwen’s kind and funny and fascinating (much to Mildred’s annoyance), and she just…doesn’t feel like getting into it.

Meanwhile Trevor, Gwen’s campaign manager/law school buddy/best friend/lavender marriage soulmate, if they were in a different time, is like bitch, what’re you doing? Yes, everyone knows you’re gay as hell, but you can’t be chasing girls right now, you can’t afford to be distracted. You especially can’t afford to look distracted. And you can’t be robbing the cradle while looking distracted.

“She’s not that young.”

“Uh-huh. She wears Winnie the Pooh clothes.”

“Scrubs, those are scrubs. Scrubs aren’t clothes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“She works in a children’s ward, Trevor.”

“Uh-huh. I really wish you wouldn’t do this, but since you care nothing about me and my mental state and all the hours and hours of hard work I’ve put in for you—”

“After badgering me into hiring you over someone more qualified.”

“Hey! More qualified. I resent that. Anyway, if you insist on ruining my day, at least wear that face cream I gave you. Should make you look less like you’re robbing the cradle.”

“Go to hell.”

“And don’t do the oyster thing. Not on a first date, in the middle of the campaign.”

“It’s not a date, it’s just lunch.”

“Uh-huh.”

Gwen doesn’t do the oyster thing. Not on the first date, which neither of them acknowledge as a date, for entirely different reasons. But then there’s a second and a third, and sex, lots of sex, and it’s harder to pass off as just friendly.

And yeah, the sneaking around that Gwen hates. That Mildred says she doesn’t mind, and she actually doesn’t seem to all that much, which Gwen finds slightly concerning. Mildred’s good with secrets though, she’s good with being kept a secret. Mostly. Which again, Gwen finds concerning.

There’s pillow talk and Mildred admitting more about herself than she has to anyone, ever. Which still isn’t nearly as much as what Gwen admits, but it’s a relative thing. And still, Mildred doesn’t talk about Edmund. Gwen finds that one out on her own, stumbles across some old photos, a scrapbook of Edmund’s crimes. Gwen’s briefly concerned that Mildred is one of those people who’re deeply attracted to serial killers, but the truth is…something else.

Mildred tells her things. Some of the deeper, darker stuff, but not much, not yet. Tells her how she’s written to everyone she can think of because he’s a boy, okay? He was in an impossible situation, they both were, no one ever helped them, so Edmund decided he had to die. No one helped them before, no one helps them now. There’s anger and tears and Gwen holding her and she can’t help asking why Mildred didn’t talk to her sooner, if she’s had no problem asking for help from strangers.

“Because you aren’t,” Mildred says in a way that makes it clear she’s figuring this stuff out as she says it. “A stranger, you aren’t. You never were and I couldn’t…I didn’t want to become one to you. I didn’t want you to look at me like that.”

“Oh Mildred…”

Mildred doesn’t actually ask her to help. She doesn’t want Gwen to think that’s what it’s all been about. It was supposed to be, but it isn’t. She doesn’t ask. Gwen digs into things herself, digs into this kid who was barely double-digits when he did these things. Made all the headlines at the time, but that was over a decade ago, he’s been locked up ever since. Most of Mildred’s money goes to him, one way or another.

Gwen hides it from Trevor—the murderer, not the sex, he knew about the sex before she ever said anything—for as log as she can. But he’s always been nosy, and now he has a paid excuse to be nosy, and he nearly has an aneurysm when he hears why it is that Gwen’s suddenly digging into this case instead of kissing the babies of gay couples, like she should be.

Gwen cannot do this. Nope, absolute no. She cannot be sneaking around with the younger sister of the kid they’ve made all the documentaries about. Doesn’t matter that she’s running on a platform of prison reform, especially as it pertains to juveniles, this is not the case to start with, especially when she hasn’t won yet.

And Gwen knows. She knows. She argues with Trevor about it until he decides they both need to stop because Gwen has a speaking engagement tomorrow and she can’t sound hoarse. There are many further arguments, arguments about principles over politics, but Gwen knows he’s right. She cannot, should not, be doing any of this, at least not yet. It’s dangerous, it’s selfish, Mildred deserves better than being someone’s secret again. Gwen should break it off, at least until the election. She’s not being fair to either of them like this. They should stop, at least for a few months.

Except it’s Mildred and she’s totally hijacked Gwen’s everything, and the thought of stopping makes her ill, and everything about this is terrifying, the most terrifying thing ever.

And then there’s the checkup and the routine mammogram. Gwen started those earlier than most because somebody’s aunt on somebody’s side of the family got sick, somebody’s cousin on the other side did too.

Scratch that, there’s a new winner for most terrifying thing ever.

It’s good, they say. She started early, they caught it early, this is good, they have treatments for this. Good, they say, while Gwen damn near passes out. She’s got a campaign to finish, she can see the Too Sick to Serve headlines already. A bald look would not test well, she’s sure it wouldn’t. She talks to Trevor about that, about the campaign, until he tells her to shut the fuck up, yanks her into a crushing hug. He cries, damn him, and that makes her cry.

She’s glad he’s there.

She wishes Mildred was.

She is also relieved as hell that Mildred isn’t, that they’re on opposite sides of the state right now. No point having Mildred see her like this, having her worry. She’s got enough to worry about, enough to hurt about.

Not that Gwen isn’t planning to tell her. She is. It’s only been a few whirlwind months, but Gwen knows enough to realize that a lie of omission would be a bad, bad, bad idea where Mildred’s concerned, regardless of intention. Gwen doesn’t think of hiding it anyway, not really. Mildred deserves better then that. When and how to tell the public…that’s a completely different clusterfuck of a situation, but Mildred, Gwen just wants to tell her in person. That way Mildred can see her face when she promises it’s no big deal (hopefully without seeing how terrified she actually is), and Gwen will have all the paperwork and things she knows Mildred will want to see, and they can hold each other, and it’s just, it’s not phone call news.

Except then it’s headline news, because somehow it’s leaked. Fox News is having a field day, certain corners of the Internet are already gleefully writing her obituary, and she’s missed literally hundreds of calls by the time she gets a look at her phone. At least half of those are from Mildred. Mildred who actually sounds hysterical for the first time since Gwen’s known her, that bastard on the news with the hair, he says you’re dying, why aren’t you answering, how long have you known, please, please pick up the phone, just pick up the phone god dammit.

She’s managed to keep Mildred a secret for months. This? This doesn’t last three days before it’s everywhere. Gwen does get an I love you for the first time ever, but seeing as Mildred’s sobbing over her voicemail when it happens, the joy is somewhat muted.

[crowrelli]

What are your HCs for Hannibal & Will regarding their sexuality & romantic orientations? Saw your post about Hannibal being trans (yes, yes, yes) & I was curious.

Will:

He/They. Bi.

It takes literally sending alana an invitation to his and Hannibal's wedding to convince her.

Doesnt go to pride bc of the crowds and noise but will drive by it sometimes and grab lunch down the street

Jack never finds out. Thinks him and hannibal are just close murder friends. Bella knows and sends them flowers.

Owns a bi flag he keeps hung over his bed in wolf trap.

Hannibal:

He/Him

Homoflexible. Can be with women intimately but isnt necessarily attracted to them. Usually only for an alibi.

Hes not exactly hiding that hes queer, theres just no point to bring it up unless its important.

Assumes its obvious to those who care to look but hates when people assume.

Goes to late night pride events. Usually picks up a midnight snack (protesters) before going home and washing the glitter from his clothes.

Donates fuck-you amounts of money to queer charities every year.

Together:

After the events of the show, they have their own little pride celebrations instead of going out. At least for the first few years. Then they are obnooooxious every june. Without fault.

If will sneaks a pride flag sticker or two onto hannibals motorcycle, he pretends not to notice.

One year they get in a silent war bc will keeps buying more and more outrageous gay pun shirts until one day hannibal gets up and blindly pulls a shirt over his head before going to the bathroom. He gets halfway through brushing his teeth before will hears a strangled scream and the thudding of running feet heading his way fast. It ends with two broken noses and a perma ban for any shirts that have hotdogs on them

[lesbians-love-samwilson]

Non Binary Sam Headcanon

Non binary Sam

Sam is 27 and Bucky is 30. Age gaps are low key gross to me

Sam went to new York academy for arts on a full ride scholar ship

Bucky started his tech company at age 18 he was a certified genius and graduated college at 16

Sam up until he met Bucky struggled with paying his bills. Even before they moved in together Sam wouldn't accept help but Bucky was able to secretly deposits money in Sam account . When they find out Bucky did this they think its sweet and relief but is all "I'll try to pay you back," and Bucky all "Babe I've got you "

Sam come out was at age 18 three weeks before they left for college they only came out as bisexual they didn't realize they were non binary yet

Sam and Bucky have a dom/sub relationship and Sam is definitely a bratty sub

Sam realized they were non binary in college while dating misty knight who helped and supported them 

Sam didn't come out as non binary to his parents until he fully moved out of their home. Theirs dad was a preacher and scared that they might get rejected.  It took his parents time to fully accept but they did and tried their best to understand

Paul Wilson was one of those guys who like, once he gets it hes got a bumper sticker that says "I love my non-binary child" and does a sermon on God not making mistakes and loving your neighbor and stuff.  Like it's almost embarrassing how hard he goes to support his kid 

Sam suffers from anxiety disorder OCD and Depression he goes to therapy

Sam first art show was at age 24 and he was so nervous and freshly out the closet as non binary and they were feeling more of a she that day but they stuck with wearing a suit out of fear. And during the whole thing they felt overwhelmed and scared. They had to be taken home early by Misty and Sam had panic attack. (misty and Sam were broken up by then but still best friends) 

Riley was their highschool sweetheart who went into the military and they broke up amicably because Sam did NOT want to be a military spouse

 Sam still doesn't wear female presenting clothing to art shows even now that their confident in themselves they just can't risk not making a paycheck

Bucky helps Sam get their first queer based art gallery showing Sam cries tears of joy afterward because they finally can wear a pretty dress to an art show

Sam first ever   piece ever sold was a portrait of a black family sitting at the dinner table praying

  When bucky took Sam to a charity event with elite society. Sam wore a suit and didn't tell Bucky they were feeling more like a she. Sam didn't want to stick out in a mostly white crowd to much and didn't want people to judge bucky

Bucky had noticed Sam was acting strange and off all night and when Sam excused themselves to the bathroom and never came back Bucky went to find them only to find them crying in the bathroom having a panic attack and Bucky took them home 

  Sam told Bucky he just wanted to fit in and not cause to much of a stir and that he was sorry he couldn't fit in with high society. Bucky was all I don't care about your status in society I just wanted to bring you because I love you and wanted to do something with you. But if it makes you uncomfortable or make you suppress a part of yourself then we don't need to go (Also this would be their first I loves you) 

 Bucky loves Sam and will straight up reject high society if that means keeping Sam around him 

Sam has three collars for different moods. Their bratty collar has the word "whore," in diamond (yes the diamonds are real). Their second collar is for when she just soft and delicate it has the word "princess," in diamonds. The last one is plain black for anxiety attack purpose

Sam does have a praise kink and humiliation kink. Like if Bucky calls her a good girl while also calling them a dumb slut they could cum right there

They also have a whole room dedicated to their toys it's locked always and Bucky and Sam both have keys to it. The spare bedroom they "use for storage" and tell people "oh it's a mess in there so we keep it locked" 

they try not to use it if they have company spending the night but this one time when sam sister Sarah and her husband were staying over. Sam was being a brat and horny all day just sly slutty act. That Bucky just had to take them to their kink room and bend them over their spanking bench 

Bucky has and exhibition kink and they definitely fucked in Bucky office.  Bucky clearing his schedule so Sam can sit under his desk and warm his cock all day 

The way they fit into dom/sub relationship was during the fourth date when Sam called Bucky Sir. Then that morning they sat down and had a long convo about it.

Sam loves getting cock cage though because he drops a lot faster and Bucky will carry him around like a rag doll

Sam loves to wear butt plug and a skimpy skirt during their relaxing sundays and just bend over showing bucky up their skirt showing off their plug hole.

Credits for header: @glittercake​

@siancore​ @captainamericasamwilson​ @cap-is-bi​ @jemgirl86​ @renee561​ @sambambucky​ @samwilsonsundays​ @sambuckyslayallday​

[whatiwillsay]

After being bored, I decided not to buy one pack of cheap unhealthy crackers and pay 1 dollar for your podcast. You're most likely having it behind paywall so people wouldn't just listen to things you're not sure about. And even if not, take my one dollar, I will thank you later for saving my calories and keeping me company, you're not keeping me hostage. I'm paying 4 times more for TV I do not OWN lol - it's mandatory in my country. Each month. It's not like your pod is 10 dollars a month.

well first of all tysm for subscribing ❤️🥰 i hope you enjoy it! i hope it’s more satisfying than those crackers lol

secondly the reason i started a patreon was because i spent (and still spend, even more now) my own money to host and produce the podcast

some expenses associated with the pod for anyone who’s curious:

buzzsprout hosting services, i bought all of taylor’s sheet music to be able to do music theory analysis, i pay for an imdb pro account so we can keep a closer eye on everyone’s projects, i pay for access to enty’s patreon so i can report back if there’s any gossip related to the people we follow, recording equipment, and i have paid to access other gossip behind paywalls, and a portion of the money goes to cara who does hours and hours of work and research for the pod as well. i also donated an entire month’s worth of patreon income in solidarity with the BLM movement when we talked about lea and i donated to naya’s chosen charity when we talked about heya. there’s probably a few expenses i’m not taking into account but that’s off the top of my head. horror of all horrors middle class queer woman looking to support their hobby that plenty of people seem to enjoy partaking in by charging a single dollar for 70+ hours of content 😱😱😱

the second reason is yes, we can be more candid on there and more open with certain things. y’all i remember when we did our first tily episode on the main pod people lost their minds subtweeting and complaining about it when all we wanted to do was explore the possibility 😩so now we put more controversial takes behind a paywall and what do they do? lose their minds all over again.

if someone doesn’t like my podcast or my bonus content then they are very welcome to not engage with it 🤷‍♀️ it’s very simple to do that.

[kinkymagnus]

Twi YouTube AU?? 👀

dlgjk ok i dont have a coherent au idea i just like the idea of like. 

alec being this confident youtuber man who does all sorts of shit, like funny vlogs and maybe some sketches with his siblings or some lets plays or something, idk, he’s just a popular youtuber like, idk, fuckin markiplier or something, you know, kinda does a lot of stuff. maybe some fashion/interior design shit? idk? but like. he’s pretty popular and if there’s any list on tumblr that’s like “some queer creators you should try watching” he’s always up there because he’s pretty open about being gay. maybe at first he wasn’t in the earlier youtube days but he had a pretty emotional coming out video and everyone was like “holy shit” 

meanwhile magnus is like, a quietly popular youtuber, you know? kind of a niche audience, but with decent numbers. he does a lot of things, like vlogs about being trans. like, oh my god. magnus documenting his transition? would that even be a thing? wait oh my god is this mundane au, or is this canon? because twi magnus who’s actually a warlock with a youtube channel would be hilarious but maybe not a good idea. you know what? how about a mix. he’s mortal and was born in modern times and all, he’s like the same age as alec–idk why but i’m thinking he’s like a few weeks older or a month or two older than alec and alec jokingly teases him about being old–but he like…. still has magic, because why the fuck not. actually, you know what? fuck it? it’s an au where magic is just openly a thing. not even necessarily canonverse magic, just. some people have magic. magnus does little tutorials and shit, he has a real talent for it and he’s actually really powerful but he hides that. (possible plotline: some paparazzi discover he’s like, a level ten mage, and it’s a scale from 1-10 and 8 is the most powerful u get most of the time, there’s been a few really famous 9s and there’s been one 10 ever and that was fucking merlin. you feel. because why not. idek fuck.) anyway he has little diy make your own magical charms and weaving enchantment and safe summoning circles and tips for writing magical contracts and shit like that. he’s this cute little nerd but he’s like incredibly knowledgeable and he knows how to teach it in a way that’s understandable and accessible? and he answers questions in really clear ways, and he does amazing demonstrations that look so cool people accuse him of editing but he’s just That Good. and he’s like, actually a really well-published wizard/magic scientist, he invented the fucking portal, but probably under a pseudonym because he doesn’t really want the attention. (his last name is fell in honor of his mentor. yes. although if he does multiple ones he may or may not also use loss, santiago, rollins, etc.) anyway he’s just so fucking good, he has all these videos explaining magical theory in pretty easy to understand ways (maybe going from really simple to like “i understand the basics here and am ready for the technical terms but need an overview” videos you know. 

also he doesn’t just do magic videos, because i said so. also maybe some blogs, and like. because i want to. some fashion/makeup tips. and it’s weirdly endearing because it’s not something you’d expect since he doesn’t wear makeup that often–although a) there are def gifsets of his full makeup looks on tumblr, and b) when he does occasionally decide to wear lipstick or eyeshadow or whatever, most of his fans are like omg yes!! u look cute! also headcanon: twi magnus wears less makeup in general but he still indulges in nail polish. mostly dark/muted colors on his fingers, but bright silly colors on his toes. NAYWAYWYA

also magnus bane is his chosen name because he wanted something cool and wizardy sounding and undeniably masculine. 

also he’s so fucking sweet like look his videos are pretty popular because they’re just handy but he’s not exactly like, a super popular celebrity or anything, you know? but when he does meet fans he’s so incredibly sweet and he does selfies and he’s very appreciative of his followers? he’s so genuine? 

and alec is way more popular–not that he’s not kind and appreciative of his followers. it’s just the thing is, magnus and alec are totally opposite sides of youtube. alec is friendly charismatic completely non-magical youtuber, he plays video games with his sister and like, does vlogs and reaction videos and shit you know. magnus is out here with educational tutorials and excited rambles about magical theory. (i feel like sometimes he accidentally starts doing groundbreaking research for a video and forgets to like, publish it first, and people are like wait what the fuck holy shit) 

but then they fucking meet. 

and a) they’re Instantly smitten. b) this will eventually result in the weirdest collab ever. 

like NO ONE would expect magnus bane, tarot reader and tutorial on magic diy and shit, occasionally does makeup videos and little vlogs and talks about Issues sometimes, to collab with typical hot vlogger gamer man alec lightwood. but it happens, and somehow it’s the best fucking thing ever.

i’m not sure how their channels collide. maybe alec plays a game involving magic and magnus talks about all the ways it’s right/wrong but it ends up just being bantering and giggling and magnus may or may not end up leaning into him on the couch their sitting on and giggling as he makes a stupid joke with the character in the game and immediately everyone’s like…… we ship it

not that i support irl shipping but u know how it goes, everyones like “damn they’re cute” and they’re both openly queer so there’s that. i mean, still not cool, but you know

but really tho they keep doing collabs after that and become actual friends and both start kind of….. doing things for each other’s channel? magnus does a thing like “interview with someone who knows nothing about magic” and we just see a total mundane take on magic and honestly it’s really interesting for both of them, we have more “magnus, who’s an Old Soul and despite having a youtube channel is actually not that great with technology, raphael does all the editing, tries to play video games and kinda fails at it but he gets the hang of some of them”?? he likes puzzle games and mariokart, he does NOT like super smash bros because “THE CHARACTER NEVER DOES WHAT I WANT IT TO ALEXANDER” “you’re just jealous bc i beat ur ass” “you wanna play mariokart again, lightwood?!” 

magnus does a tarot reading for alec, alec does a vlog with him just like “day in the life of alec lol :P” and there’s moments where he just comes up behind magnus like “hey what’s up” and magnus, who’s in rumpled home clothing, sees the camera and chuckles and kinda half heartedly waves it away, and the audience loses their mind at how cute he looks lkdhjgfh

they just become actual good friends, you know? it’s weird bc you wouldn’t think it would work but it really, really does

also on of alec’s fans at some point tries to make a transphobic crack at magnus during a livestream and alec goes OFF on his ass and it’s trending for the next week, the clip goes viral, it’s like “HIMBO GOES OFF ON HATERS FOR BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO HIS FRIEND/POSSIBLE LOVER?” and alec apologizes to magnus for all the attention it brought them but magnus is like “it’s okay, we can use this” and they end up using the hype to do one of those charity livestreams youtubers do and all the proceeds go to something like mermaids or the trevor project, you feel? they’re like “suck it transphobes look at all this money you got trans ppl” khjfgh

ok but eventually they do get together, not on camera, and while it’s slow at first and kind of secret (from the internet, not from friends and family) they’re also not super subtle. they know they’re not, but they’re just sort of like “it’s no one’s business, we’ll announce it when we’re ready”

and honestly tho they love each other so much

also i’ve just decided it’s not uncommon for strong magic-users, even like, level 4 or 5 and up, to have marks, so while his cat eyes are usually glamoured maybe he showed them after a q&a or in a vlog or something? and there are like. lots of gifsets of this, okay, and like, lots of thirst comments. which are like, this weird mix of slightly uncomfortable, really flattering/validating, and embarrassing (in a good and bad way). anyway, magnus has cat eyes in this au, because i fucking said so.

ANYWAY back to their relationship, they’re in love

how did they meet? maybe at a con they bumped into each other, or a totally random fan was like “y’all should do a collab” and everyone was like “what”

or maybe a mutual friend and fellow youtuber, meliorn, who is a nonbinary youtuber who fucking has a sword don’t question me, introduces them? 

idk. but when they meet they hit it off instantly and flirt and end up getting coffee and they don’t date for a while (maybe mutual pining/misunderstandings like “oh he doesn’t like me like that, but it’s okay, we can still be friends :)” or something lkfgjhfgh) but eventually they end up getting together

how? no idea. let me think about it.

idk why but im thinking they’re filming at magnus’s apartment and they’re on his couch and just. late night. they’ve finished up filming but they’re still bantering and maybe playing some video game like mariokart or watching a movie together and just. magnus is leaned all the way into alec, just snuggled up and pressed close against him, alec ends up putting an arm around him, and alec cracks a joke or teases him and magnus sits up a bit to like, poke his chest or flick his nose (you know what i mean? like in an otp person a shifts, still kinda sitting in their lap, and is like [playfully hits shoulder or boops nose or something] and now they’re making eye contact and person b ends up pulling them into a soft kiss???) anyway THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT AND ALEC PULLS HIM INTO A SOFT KISS and alec almost pulls away when he realizes what he’s done but magnus makes this soft little happy noise and leans into him, kissing back, and they just end up kissing for a bit and when they break apart alec is just looking up at him with breathless wonder and magnus is looking down at him with that same soft reverence and alec blurts out something like “you’re magical” and magnus just loses it and he’s giggling and leaning against alec’s chest and alec starts laughing too and magnus can feel the vibrations in his chest and it’s just so nice and pleasant and wonderful and they may or may not end up making out 

they have to talk about it in the morning when they end up falling asleep together in magnus’s bed, cuddled close, but they find, to both of their delights, they both want to date and be in a serious relationship and it’s so fucking good ok 

they go to dinner and the transition from friendship to romance is a little awkward but so worth it, especially when they realize HEY IT’S BOTH YOU DONT STOP BEING FRIENDS WHEN YOU DATE. i mean like, they didn’t not know that, but it’s like, idk how to explain you know they’re kinda like “are we doing this right” and then they’re like “fuck doing it right we can keep cuddling on the couch and giggling and bantering over stupid shit and watching dumb movies and kicking each others asses in video games it doesn’t matter we just also kiss and have dinner more often and sleep together and also we may or may not be in love” 

also they’re That Couple. they’re like straight to the honeymoon, they’re domestic from the first week. magnus is casually doing magic around the house (imagine: he just dyes his hair on a whim and grows it out a little bit and alec is like “i love u no matter how u style ur hair and stuff, and like, ur usual look is so fuckin cute and handsome, but also I Love This.”) but like he’s like (casually summons small ball of light to read book at night) (casually makes alec little protective charms–side note alec def makes him some of these too, but he asks magnus’s old mentor, ragnor, and two of his friends that can do magic, catarina and dot, to enchant it, since he can’t himself, and having magic woven by people who care about him will make it stronger. oh mhyhogfd) and just like. magic used to be something he mostly kept to himself (this def has something to do with his parents–his mom, who he thinks killed herself because of his eyes/magic, his birth dad who’s a powerful sorcerer–level 9, actually, and they think magnus is level 8 for a long time–who was an abusive fuckstick) and then he started doing youtube and it was a kinda show, a gift, something to share, but still not really something he just used openly in front of people he cared about (other than his close friends, since most of them do magic too anyway) but with alec it’s so easy to do that casually?? it’s so easy to just feel comfortable and safe????? yes

anyway they do eventually “come out” as boyfriends, maybe something short and sweet like just. a tweet of magnus sleeping curled up on alec’s chest and he’s like “god i love my boyfriend

they were already not subtle but now that they’re not hiding it they’re so fucking blatantly in love tbh. they do one of those boyfriend tag videos and it’s fucking adorable, at high request they do some couples games kind of videos, like the newlywed game and fuck marry kill (mostly on alec’s channel but magnus has a few, too) and it’s just HIGH QUALITY FUCKING CONTENT

also originally i was just thinking something along the lines of “in canon verse, twi alec is instagram famous/famous on social media and he gets cute tarot boyfriend and is like look at my cute boyfriend and then magnus’s small insta account mostly for his business gets a fuck ton of new followers and alec’s gets a considerable amount too” and now i’m imagining everyone from their respective audiences first thirst-following the other, then actually getting invested 

but really tho they’re the internet’s hottest couple for a while it’s great

for some reason i’m picturing them doing a live tour now, with like, accessible tickets and magnus does magic live on stage and idek what else they’d do tbh but it’d be fun as fuck

anyway this au got away from me

me: i dont have any real coherent ideas

also me: [vomits a 2,500+ word ESSAY] 

[go-events]

GO Rom Com Spotlight: @stellasapiente

The most excellent @stellasapiente (Rachiel on AO3) has claimed Pride and Prejudice to adapt for Good Omens in the Good Omens Rom Com Event.

For reference, here’s a little background about the source material!

About Pride and Prejudice: Jane Austen's novel about five sisters - Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia Bennet  - in Georgian England. Their lives are turned upside down when wealthy young Mr. Bingley (Simon Woods) and his best friend, Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen), arrive in their neighborhood.

We spent some time chatting about how the adaptation is coming so far, as well as future plans for it! Now, get to know @stellasapiente a little better!

* * *

goromcom: You chose to adapt Pride and Prejudice as your rom com. Has this book/these movie adaptations been favorites of yours, or is there some other reason you chose it?

stellasapiente: I do adore Jane Austen and while I do like Sense and Sensibility a tiny bit more than Pride and Prejudice, I felt that P&P was better suited to the event. But I do very much look forward to all of the Jane Austen adaptations in the event even if my favourite story is missing.

goromcom: What's your favorite moment of Pride and Prejudice, and are you looking forward to presenting it in your adaptation? Any loose plans for that scene that you can share?

stellasapiente: I mean, the first proposal is epic, but I always really loved the visit to Pemberly--how Lizzy is confronted with her view of Darcy and how the housekeeper just gushed about him… and of course the house itself.

I often wondered how Darcy would have reacted in his heart of hearts if she had said yes when he asked her the first time… He seemed to be prepared to marry someone who might only want him for his money, thinking that his affection would be enough to make it work. That was part of why I struggled at first with who should be Darcy since both Aziraphale and Crowley would fit the bill each in his own way.

As for the house visit itself, I haven’t written anything for that yet, but since we are talking GO and something to impress Crowley all I need to say is one word: Conservatory. HUGE conservatory. I’m thinking something looking like the Crystal Palace… just smaller. And gardens. Acres and acres of gardens.

goromcom: Do you plan to stick very closely to the story beats of the original story, or make bigger changes?

stellasapiente: It will be a rather boring retelling I’m afraid, and not at all historically accurate since I knew from the start that I do not want any of the phobias anywhere near it. So the cast will be queer and nobody will care. Or as I like to put it: Who needs historical homophobia when we have classicism.

goromcom: What's an interesting decision you've made in your planning so far--a notable casting decision, a changing of venue, or some other plan you have to paint Good Omens all over your rom com?

stellasapiente: The biggest changes would be Hastur and Ligur--I made both female. Ligur (a.k.a Liane) is Kitty Bennet. It fits well, since Lydia’s role is Beelzebub and Hastur (a.k.a. Hyla) is a trans woman will take the part of Charlotte. And now I bet you all wonder who takes the part Mr. Collins. (Not telling you!) Also, there is no Mr Bennet, but two ladies who have a happy marriage. Personally, I never read it that Mr Bennet disliked his wife. Yes, he teased her a lot, but I always felt it was affectionate. I’m aware scholars disagree with me but the beauty in writing is that you can make your own world--so I did.

goromcom: I am blatantly stealing this last question from The Good Place: The Podcast, but here goes: Tell me something "good". It can be something big or small. It can be a charity you think is doing good work, or you can talk about how great your pet is.

stellasapiente: ZBS. Not enough people know them. They have produced audio dramas since forever and they are amazing! The soundscapes alone… listening to Moon over Morocco it’s like standing on the street corner in Algiers. They have great humour and are deep (ZBS stands for Zero Bullshit Spirituality) and sometimes ridiculous and just amazing.

goromcom: I’ve never heard of them, but now I will check them out.

And speaking of checking things out, everyone will be able to do just that with the GO adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, coming soon.

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine Advent Drabble - “Baker’s Creed” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Kurt and Blaine have been competing with one another their entire relationship. Now, without knowing it, they're competing for their daughter's affection. Will they work things out before it destroys their kitchen? (2916 words)

Notes: Written to include the @klaineadvent 2019 prompts creed, lecture, and quarrel, as well as the @gleepotluckbigbang prompts cookies, sick, and charity.

Read on AO3.

Blaine wakes up to an empty bed, a script weighing down his chest, and the sinfully sweet smell of Kurt’s chocolate chip cookies wafting through the air.

“Mmm … cookies for breakfast,” he mutters through heavy lips. Next to sex, it’s his favorite way to wake up. He inhales deep. “Time to get myself some sugar.” He giggles at his own suggestive remark, giddy with sleep drunkenness. He moves the script to the side and stretches, using the opportunity of a (temporarily) empty bed to monopolize as much space as possible. The stiffness in his arms unravels, his back cracks, and a feeling of utter euphoria fills his body.

“Ahhhh. This is nice.”

He turns to Kurt’s side of the bed and blows it a kiss. It strikes him for a moment that Kurt being out of bed already is a bit odd, but he can’t remember why. So, as his mind starts to clear, he runs down the check list.

What day is today?

Thursday.

Okay. Makes sense then. Kurt should be up and getting ready for work.

Blaine smiles, rolling on his side and cozying up to his husband’s pillow. He inhales again.

Kurt’s pillowcase still smells like him.

Blaine hugs it, running his nose along the crease that once cradled Kurt’s ear.

“Yes, Kurt,” he whispers, imagining himself in the kitchen, standing behind his husband, arms wrapped over his as Kurt prepares dough for the baking sheet. “Let me help you roll some balls, hmm? Whaddya say? You always tell me how good I am at …”

No!

The word pings through Blaine’s brain like a paddle ball, knocking the daydream from right out of his head.

It’s not Thursday. It’s Friday. Yesterday was Thursday. That’s when Blaine got the script for his new pilot, Mutiny on the Bounty – a campy, madcap comedy about a team of armored car thieves/assassins who manage to pull off the most dangerous and insane heist of the year by screwing every single thing up. The writing is stellar, the cast (comprised entirely of LGBTQ actors) revolutionary. JVN has been on board with the project since go and Blaine couldn’t be more excited to share billing with him.

Best of all, his daughter Tracy – 14-years-old and a huge Queer Eye fan – now looks at Blaine as if he walks on water. Considering what raising a teenager has been like thus far, Blaine is ecstatic that he’s managed to pull that off.

They were going to celebrate last night by having dinner at Per Se, and then he and Kurt were going to do some adult style celebrating after Tracy fell asleep, but Kurt started running a fever and …

Shit!

Blaine sits straight up in bed, nearly tossing Kurt’s pillow across the room, becoming both sober and awake in a blink, which makes his head throb.

Kurt has the flu!

Blaine looks at the empty spot again. The last Blaine remembers of his husband, he was high on NyQuil and fast asleep.

So what was he doing in the kitchen baking cookies?

Memories start flying at him hard and fast, and that’s when it finally hits him.

Bake sale!

The bake sale to raise money for the field trip to Washington D. C. that Tracy has been looking forward to since they found out about it at the beginning of the school year.

The bake sale Tracy failed to remind them about until BEFORE BEDTIME!

The bake sale that parents are required to participate in as half of their children’s citizenship grade and which the school would not simply allow them to cut a check to avoid.

“We are not a charity, Mr. Anderson,” Mrs. Palmer, Tracy’s principal (who sort of reminds Blaine of the dean from Monsters University), had said when he asked. “We have the money in our budget to accommodate all of our children. But if we, too, cut a check every time a teachable moment arises, we wouldn’t be much of a school, now, would we?”

Blaine had agreed to her face then spent an entire ride back to their house in his Mercedes replaying that moment with the addition of him buying the school outright with a check and firing her just to make himself feel better.

Kurt had been determined to make those cookies. But Blaine told Kurt not to worry about it, go to bed and sleep off being sick. He’d take care of it in the morning. Blaine even set his alarm clock for three a.m. so that he could do it. He glances over at his phone, the time on the screen reading 3:45 a.m. He glares at it, wondering why the alarm didn’t go off when it should have. Squinting harder, he sees why.

The little clock icon beneath the numbers, the one that indicates an alarm has been set, is no longer there. Blaine remembers vividly it being there when he went to bed. He’d double checked.

Then triple checked.

Which means Kurt had been feigning sleep until Blaine passed out, then crept downstairs to make the cookies himself!

Because he’s stubborn.

And now, Blaine has to go into the den of the dragon and persuade him to abandon his cookies and come back to bed.

Fun.

Blaine sighs. He swings his legs over the side of the bed but he doesn’t let his feet touch the floor. Then he sighs again. He’s not looking forward to the Battle Royale he’s heading into, but he has to do it. He has to get his husband back to bed by any means necessary.

Parts of his body twitch in excitement when the image of him throwing Kurt over his shoulder and carrying him back to their room kicking and protesting leaps to mind, and he scowls.

“Not now,” he grumbles. He stands up, slides his feet into his slippers, and heads to the kitchen.

The sounds of his miserable husband baking while physically unwell come to him in stages.

First, the sharp ringing of metal utensils hitting the sides of metal bowls.

The mixer running is next, then a timer for the oven goes off.

Finally, the sniffling, the sneezing, and the coughing, which should be a giant red flag to someone like Kurt (both a perfectionist and a germaphobe) that baking isn’t the brightest idea right now.

Blaine’s not going to point that out. It’s simply an observation.

Blaine pads quietly into the kitchen. Kurt doesn’t seem to notice – eyes red-hot and blurry with fever. He slides past Blaine twice without looking his way, making Blaine wonder if his husband may, in fact, be sleep-baking.

“Kurt? Honey?” he says in a low, calm voice so as not to startle him. “It’s almost four in the morning. You have the flu. You have to get some sleep.”

Kurt sniffles. “I don’t care,” he says in a ragged, rough voice. “I’m not done! I have four more batches in the oven, nine on the counter ready to go. I have to finish before seven.”

“Then let me do it for you. I told you I would.”

“I can’t let you do it for me!” Kurt grumbles, stirring chocolate chips into a bowl that Blaine is 88% certain has nothing else in it. “I started these cookies and I’m going to finish them!”

“I don’t understand, Kurt! What’s the big deal? They’re just cookies!”

Kurt gasps, the quick intake of breath through his dry throat starting a massive coughing fit – one that Blaine stands patiently through till the end so that his husband can continue lecturing him. “They’re not just cookies! These are my mother’s chocolate chip cookies!”

“I know! And I’ve made them with you for over a decade so I can definitely finish these!”

“It’s not that you can’t do it! It’s that I don’t want you to do it!”

“Why not?”

“It’s the principle of the matter, Blaine!” Kurt argues, trading his chip-filled bowl for a baking sheet. “I have promises to keep! Oaths to uphold! A whole … a whole … baker’s creed!”

Blaine’s face pinches, but he keeps himself from laughing, even once, as that would not go well. “A … a baker’s creed?”

Kurt stops rushing from counter to oven with a baking sheet of uncooked dough in his hands long enough to glare at his husband with steely, red-rimmed eyes. “It’s a real thing, Blaine! Look it up!”

“How about I just take your word for it?”

“Whatever.”

“Come on, honey.” Blaine tries to cut Kurt off, tries to swipe the baking sheet from him, but he doesn’t have much success. “It’s not that big a deal!”

“Of course it’s not that big a deal to you, Mr. Big Movie Star who just landed a movie starring Jonathan Van Ness!” Kurt laughs, then snorts, then hacks so loudly his throat sounds like it’s going to explode. “You’ve won! Conquered the teenage years ahead of schedule, jumped to the head of the class!”

“Is that what this is all about?” Blaine asks, gesturing at the mess Kurt has made in the kitchen, completely out of character for him. He’s not baking for the enjoyment of it. He’s baking out of vengeance - to get back at Blaine. “Kurt! I worked hard to get that role!”

“I never said you didn’t! But there are a hundred things I’ve worked hard to accomplish here in this house! Accomplish with our precocious daughter! And right when I feel like I’m slipping back to the starting line again, you find a way to bypass all of that and leap ahead!” Kurt sighs. No – flattens is more the word. He sinks to the floor, sitting amidst starbursts of baking soda, and sets the baking sheet indelicately onto the tile. “The same way you always do.”

Blaine looks down at his poor husband, hugging his knees on the powder-covered ground. Then he looks around the kitchen, at the cookies Kurt had been throwing together in an attempt to have them all done by the morning – all wrapped up for Tracy to take. His mother’s chocolate chip cookies, by far the most popular cookie he bakes. It’s his signature cookie, all his by now since he’s made little tweaks here and there – a bit more brown sugar, a bit less white, one more egg yolk, cake flour instead of all-purpose, which Blaine would have advised against but, as always when it comes to baking matters, Kurt was right. These cookies have been Kurt’s claim to fame at PTA meetings and bake sales all over Manhattan for the entirety of Tracy’s life. But most of all, they’re the first cookies Tracy ever helped him make.

And they’re her favorites.

And whether making these cookies actually does anything to move the needle in Kurt’s favor, he needed to accomplish this by himself. For himself. Raising his self-esteem wasn’t dependent on Tracy so much as it was dependent upon Kurt.

Blaine sees that now.

“You’re right, Kurt,” Blaine says, sliding down the cabinet to join him. “I lucked out. I found the Golden Ticket, without even knowing that’s what it would turn out to be. But I didn’t do it to undermine you! I swear to God I didn’t!”

“Swearing to God doesn’t really help your case here.”

“And me getting one awesome role doesn’t wash away all the amazing things you’ve done for Tracy these past fourteen years - the homemade Halloween costumes, the sing-a-longs, the school plays you’ve volunteered to direct, the school trips you’ve chaperoned, the bake sales and the cookies and the birthday cupcakes.” He inches closer, bumps their shoulders together. “All the nightmares you’ve chased away, the tears you’ve dried. Kurt … one role in one stupid movie can’t compete with any of that. To tell you the truth, that’s why I was so over-the-moon when she got excited about it. Because I’m not the one she goes to when she wakes up in the middle of the night, or when she falls and scrapes her knee, or when she needs cookies for a bake sale. It’s you.”

Kurt reaches for Blaine’s hand, weaves their fingers together. “She goes to you, too.”

Blaine shakes his head. “Not as much. Not since she was about seven. I don’t know what changed but she was your girl after that.”

Kurt peeks at Blaine, his head the one hanging now, gazing at their joined hands with watery eyes.

“It’s not a stupid movie,” Kurt says. “It’s going to be a kick-ass amazing movie, and you know it.”

“But it’s not as important as Tracy. Or you. And, yeah, she’s all gaga about it now, but I’m going to be gone for how many months?”

“Oh,” Kurt says sadly. “I didn’t think about that.”

Blaine’s head finds his husband’s shoulder and rests there. “There’s so many things we compete over. Tracy’s affection shouldn’t be one of them. She loves us both. I know that, even if I have to remind myself over and over some days.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. It’s just been hard lately, watching her follow you around like a puppy, begging to read through lines with you and talking about becoming an actress when yesterday she was reading over my copy for Vogue and talking about becoming a designer and asking Isabelle how old she has to be to intern and … oh …” Kurt repeats, realization springing to life in his brain at how often Tracy goes to the office with him, helps him pick through his photographs, gives her two cents on fabric choices, helps him accessorize models …

Oh …

“Yup,” Blaine says as if he can read his husband’s mind. “Tomorrow she might wake up and tell us she wants to be a neurosurgeon because Louis Tomlinson decided to give up singing and go to medical school so who knows? If you’ve taught me anything about raising kids it’s that they change their minds like the wind. In fact, pretty much everything I know about raising our daughter I’ve learned from you, and do you know why?”

“Hmm?”

“Because you’re an amazing father.”

Kurt smiles, kisses the top of Blaine’s head. “So are you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Blaine brings Kurt’s hand to his mouth and gives it a kiss. They melt into one another on the kitchen floor, content to remain there, nestled in their puddle of baking soda, surrounded by the scent of chocolate chip cookies, until sun up. But something in the vicinity of the oven pops, interrupting their serene moment.

“So, are you ready to power down the oven and head to bed?” Blaine asks, eyeing the appliance anxiously.

“But what about the cookies? The school needs them in four hours!”

“I’ll get them whipped up. No problem.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” Blaine hops up and helps a wobbly Kurt to his feet. “You run along and climb under the covers. I’m going to check some things out down here, then I’ll come in and tuck you into bed.”

Kurt peers at Blaine, his mind working, searching for an argument. “I don’t know. I still think …” He starts to keel forward and Blaine catches him. And Kurt nods, that being the end of that. “All right. I’m going.”

“Good.” Blaine smacks his husband on the behind as he shuffles away. He can’t help it. Even under-the-weather, his nose as red and watery as his eyes, he’s the sexiest man in the universe.

Blaine decides to start with the oven, figuring he should check on whatever that was that exploded before it does it again and takes the whole house with it. Cautiously, he opens the oven door. Before he can peek inside, a disgustingly sharp smell assails his nose and stings his eyes, forcing him to back away. Through barely-open lids he sees Kurt’s latest batch, which has melded into one single cookie, weighing down the baking sheet so much, the wire rack has begun to buckle.

This, he decides, could be a problem.

“Uh … Kurt?”

“Yeah?”

“What did you put in these?”

“The usual – sugar, butter, chocolate chips, vanilla …”

Blaine scans the kitchen while Kurt talks, finding each ingredient when he mentions it. Suspicious of one item in particular, he asks, “Did you put flour in these?”

“Of course I did! What do you take me for? An idiot?”

“No. Not at all. What flour did you use?”

“Cake flour.”

“Which bag?”

“That bag by the counter,” Kurt answers with a vague wave.

Blaine looks toward the counter, his eyes growing to comical width. “The one on the counter counter, or the one on the floor?”

“The one on the floor, I guess. What does it matter?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Blaine says. “N-not at all.” But that’s a lie. Because the bag of flour on the floor isn’t flour. It’s cement, from the kitchen remodel they’ve been planning. “I think … I’m just going to shut the oven off for now and run a few errands.”

“Errands? What errands?” Kurt asks in alarm. “It’s four in the morning!”

“I know.” Blaine grabs his coat and keys. “I just … I’m going to go get some bagels. For breakfast …” Along with nine dozen replacement cookies and a HAZMAT suit.

“Well, don’t take too long. And be careful.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you.”

On his way out the door, Blaine giggles to himself.

Because he’s going to solve this problem by writing a check.