#and the ice guy is also cool but i already have traveler for hack and slash

[aparticularbandit]

I have made it out of Monstadt.

....

And then immediately hit Level 15 and went back so I can do the quest with Lisa that just opened up.

[ellenripleysbelieveitornot]

What about an Akechi/Joker role swap AU where Akechi is still the detective prince and Joker is still the Shujin delinquent, but the major difference is that Morgana never lost his memories and found Akechi before he approached Shido with his metaverse assassination plot?

Like, imagine Akechi, bitter and jaded, who has just awakened Loki and felt the terrifying and thrilling rush of the berserk power. He's formed a plan to get back at his piece of shit father, even managed to set up a meeting, which he had to set up months in advance, and on the day he's going to present Shido with info on the metaverse, he winds up arriving a few minutes late, because even though he intended to be early, he was accosted by a talking cat (he's been in the metaverse, so he can hear him) on the way over, and in the whole wtf-ery of the moment, lost track of time. Shido, being Shido, refuses to see him and will not reschedule because he doesn't like having his time wasted.

Pissed off, Akechi leaves to find Morgana still waiting for him outside. So he doesn't look like an idiot yelling at a cat on the street, he brings Morgana back to his shitty apartment, where Morgana explains why he had found Akechi and whats up. He doesn't know about Yaldobaoth taking Igor's place, he just knows there's two champions, and Akechi was the one he found first, so he must be Igor's chosen champion. (It is my theory that it doesn't actually matter who was Igor's and Yaldobaoth's champions, it was more about the choices they each made and where they ended up.) 

Akechi has no interest in saving the world, but he knows that if he wants to get back at Shido, he needs to become someone of consequence, so he agrees to undergo Morgana's training, since Morgana clearly knows more about the metaverse than he does, and he can use it to solve cold cases, earning him a place as the Detective Prince. He changes a few hearts, to pacify Morgana, too. It takes a couple years, but during his senior year in high school, he makes it, earning himself the cooperation of the police and the spotlight of the public eye. He's getting so close to making Shido notice him that he can practically taste it. Also, what’s this ‘velvet room’ he keeps dreaming about?

Then Morgana finds Kamoshida’s palace and is like ‘heyo, you thought changing hearts in the metaverse was cool, check this shit out’ and Akechi is admittedly intrigued , so he takes a look. He sees the inside of Kamoshida’s heart and is appropriately disgusted and says to Morgana, ‘hey we should totally kill this guy’s shadow.’ Morgana’s like ‘why is your first suggestion always murder, we don’t know what would happen if we killed his shadow, Igor wasn’t very clear about that bit, we should try stealing the treasure instead’ and Morgana has been useful (and it’s been really nice to have the company these past two years, though he won’t admit that) so Akechi agrees ‘fine, we’ll steal the treasure, but if that doesn’t work, then I’m killing his shadow.’

And that’s when Ryuji and Ann make an appearance (’ohmigawd, goro, be more careful with that damn app, i s2g.’) Ryuji’s mom apparently thinks Akechi is pretty neat and watches all his interviews, so Ryuji knows who he is and is delighted to find out that the lame-ass detective his mom has talked about is actually a grumpy badass in the metaverse, with this shadow that has some kind of insane power, and hey, he helped them bring down Kamoshida (alive,) so maybe he is actually pretty cool, even though sometimes he spaces out and talks about evil twins and some longed-nose dude. He decides then and there that he’s going to be Akechi’s best friend, since he apparently has none, and Ann is all too happy to join in for the ride, and all of Goro’s protests have fallen on deaf ears, and they know about the whole detective prince thing being a facade, so he might as well indulge them for now. 

The ‘Phantom Thieves’ (a name that makes Goro want to roll his eyes whenever he hears it, and why is everyone calling him ‘leader?’) gain fame and change hearts, gaining new members such as this weird-ass artist dude who fights with ice, and oh, god, one Nijima is bad enough, don’t tell me there’s two! and she uses nukes, wtf?!

Around this time, he also meets Shujin’s delinquent, enigmatic transfer student whose talk of hope and justice never quite seem to reflect in his stormy grey eyes, and he and Goro are clearly birds of a feather in a way, he can tell, there’s just something about him, and he thinks this guy might actually be his best friend, but don’t tell Ryuji that, he’d never hear the end of it.

Akechi learns the truth behind Akira’s arrest and Shido’s involvement and he is disgusted to find that he genuinely wants to help this guy, and he can’t do that if Shido’s dead, maybe he doesn’t want his revenge as badly as he thought??? Oh, ew, I have feelings that aren’t anger and it’s all my friends’ fault, I can’t just leave them and go off to get revenge, they’d literally die without me, those lovable idiots. Also, when Ryuji saw his home, he pretty much insisted he stay with him instead, and Ryuji’s mom reminds him of the good times he had with his own mother, and he honestly doesn’t think he has the strength to disappoint her like that. So, he decides to change Shido’s heart, but he knows that there’s no way that this little group of miscreants is strong enough to take on the fucked up bullshit that he’s seen in Shido’s heart, so let’s hit pause on that for now.

Shido had Wakaba killed via completely non-supernatural ways and stole her research, same as before, so Futaba still has a palace. He found out Akira worked at Leblanc a while ago and started dropping by, and then somehow Ryuji found out about it, and now all the Phantom Thieves know, so much for a peaceful place to get away, but he actually doesn’t mind that much, and Akira lets Akechi keep an eye on the shop when there are no customers so he can go out and do errands and Boss doesn’t mind, so they’ve ended up hanging out there as a group from time to time and talking Phantom Thief business, so Futaba knows who they are, and asks for their help.

Okumura’s palace pretty much goes the same, Okumura dies somehow, are we responsible, why does murder actually make me feel kinda bad, stupid friends and their stupid good influence. 

Goro attends the Shujin student fair as guest speaker, whoa, the class president being friends with Akechi does have its perks, doesn’t it? Akira finds them all there together and approaches them, tells them he saw them go into the metaverse, awakened his own persona, and saw a guy in a black mask kill Okumura’s shadow, hey why don’t I join you, you probably need all the help you can get, who’s heart are we stealing next, how about Sae, she knows my probabtion officer and has been giving me hell, plus I already checked, she definitely has a palace.

They agree, and oh, hey, Akira can hear Morgana talk now, but WAIT A MINUTE?! Didn’t he hear Morgana talk before when he told Goro that Leblanc didn’t sell sushi, even though Goro hadn’t asked for any?

They hack Akira’s phone, learn that Shido (Akechi recognizes that voice) will have thugs waiting to capture them when they leave the palace. They plan around it, pull the metaverse switch and manage to sneak a heavily drugged Akechi out of the warehouse Shido stashed him in by traveling through the metaverse. Shido’s lackey’s have written a fake suicide letter from the leader of the Phantom thieves, and the chief of police, under Shido’s orders, delivers a statement confirming its authenticity, and look the plan succeeded. All they need to do know is take down Shido.

Things are going great, until they get to the engine room, where Joker, having realized what happened, is waiting for them. Joker, who lost everything after he transferred, who discovered the metaverse completely alone, who didn’t mean to kill that guy’s shadow, but he attacked him first, and Shido had somehow known, had been keeping an eye on him, had him convicted for a crime that he didn’t commit in the hopes that he would break because he needed an agent in the metaverse, and so far he’s had no luck. Joker, who had nothing left to lose and had accepted the only hand that had reached out for him.

They fight, and when it looks like things are going badly for Joker, he pulls out... a second persona?!?! At least, it looks like a persona, but something about it is off. it looks familiar somehow. And then Akira asks if they knew it was possible to fuse personas and Akechi realizes what he’s looking at. These aren’t the clean executions that Caroline and Justine perform, these are personas that have been ripped apart and haphazardly thrown back together with no thought to form or elegance, look, there’s a Yaksini’s arm, and that bit right there clearly used to belong to a Rangda, and I think that piece might have belonged to a Seiryu, and Akechi should stop listing personas now because Ann thinks she’s going to be sick.

They keep fighting. Joker can’t understand the difference in power between them. After all, aren’t they the same? Unloved, unwanted, soldiers pitted against each other by some bullshit higher power?

When Joker shoots the bulkhead door closed and Futaba reports that she’s lost Joker’s reading, Akechi vows then and there that he’s going to kill Shido after all. And he almost does. He stands there, with his gun pressed to the head of the shadow of his father, his friends can’t blame him, and even Morgana knows better than to try and stop him. But he doesn’t. He remembers Akira’s madness there at the end, and wonders what he would have become of him if it weren’t for Ryuji, who somewhere along the way, he’d realized he’d stopped tolerating and started actually liking. Ann, who shared his woes about being in the public eye and swapped tips with him about how to handle the press. Yusuke, who, although he was still completely bizarre to him, appreciated the beauty in life and didn’t tease Goro for his taste in Grandpa clothes. Makoto, who knew the importance of hard work and who, between herself and her sister, had caused Goro to pick up some healthier coping mechanisms. Futaba, who made fun of him for his food blog, but liked the same nerd bullshit that he did and would bombard him with memes until his day somehow became a little less shittier. Haru, who dreamed of starting her own business and actually cared about Goro’s opinions, and could threaten someone with a smile in a way that even Goro was jealous of. And Morganna, who had reminded him what it was like to not be lonely, and demanded more sushi than he could afford, but always made sure Goro ate his fill, instead of getting so focused on his work that he forgot.

Akechi guesses that he must have turned soft somewhere during the past several months, but after seeing what happened to Akira, he can’t help but be grateful, knowing with certainty that if things had turned out differently, that would have been him. Hey, Morgana, you know that world-saving bs you talked about two years ago? Let’s leave this piece of shit here to rot and focus our attention on that instead.

And you guys know the rest.

Or, at least, that’s how I thought it would go. Feel free to share your thoughts. :)

[agentlemuse]

i was thinking about a buddie prompt where eddie gives buck puppy eyes (role reverse haha) to get him to make his fav dessert or something idk!! love your writing :)))

His body has betrayed him. 

He supposes he can’t be too mad, it has been awhile since it decided to break down. Eddie can’t even remember the last time he was sick enough to admit he was actually sick. El Paso, if he had to guess. Before Shannon left. That’s right, she took Chris and stayed at his parents’ house so they wouldn’t catch whatever he caught. Seems so long ago now. 

The thing is, he doesn’t have time to be sick. Even if he can spare a sick day from work that he purposefully reserves for Chris should he need him, he can’t exactly take time off from being a dad. He has to keep going, that’s the gig. 

So trust his body to break down the day after Chris leaves for camp. His body may have betrayed him, but at least it has impeccable timing. That’s something, right?

Eddie spends the first night of Chris’ grand adventure away making a damn good attempt at coughing up his lungs. Sleep eludes him as he sweats through his sheets, the dampness of the fabric and the fever ravaging his body making his teeth chatter so hard he wakes up with a sore jaw. Doesn’t matter, he’s too nauseous to eat. He spends a good hour debating the pros and cons of laying on the cool tile floor to wait for death when Buck begins to blow up his phone.

“Look, you’ve had enough time to wallow,” Buck starts in, not bothering to wait for or offer a greeting when Eddie finally accepts the call. Eddie can’t help but grin, even as he buries his head further in his pillow. “I have given this a lot of thought and I’ve created an itinerary to keep us busy while Chris is away.” 

“Can’t,” Eddie mumbles against his pillowcase, wincing at the scratchiness of his voice. 

“...Why do you sound weird?”

“Dying,” Eddie states flatly, tensing against the latest round of coughing to wreak havoc on his throat. 

“Are you sick,” Buck asks with concern even as Eddie coughs his confirmation. He can practically hear Buck thinking as the silence stretches for a moment. “Is someone coming to take care of you? Isabel?”

“I don’t want to get her sick.” 

“I’m coming over.”

“Buck you don’t have to--” Eddie croaks, but Buck has already hung up. He should call him back. He should protest Buck risking his health and wasting his free day by taking care of him. He should do a lot of things, but he doesn’t. He knows Buck well enough to know he’d be wasting both of their time. 

By the time he hears Buck’s key in the door he has dragged himself to the couch, wrapping himself up in as many blankets as he could find along the way. It may be the middle of summer, but he’s freezing. It’s the fever, he knows, but he doesn’t care. He’s cold and the blankets are comfy. 

“Okay, I know you’re Mr. Tough Guy,” Buck starts in, geared up for a fight as he marches his way into the living room having clearly been practicing this speech in his head on the way over. “And I know you can take care of yourself, but it’s not going to kill you to accept some he--”

“Soup,” Eddie asks hopefully, interrupting Buck’s speech as he glances down at the bags in Buck’s hands. Buck looks like a puppet whose strings have been cut, all fight knocked out at him upon realizing Eddie isn’t going to protest his presence. 

“I -- Uh, yeah. Chicken noodle. Bobby’s recipe.” 

Eddie perks up a bit, pushing his face out of his blanket where he had burritoed himself in. “I like chicken noodle.”

Eddie likes to think he’s pretty good at reading Buck by now, but he’s not sure what to make of the soft expression that’s currently on Buck’s face. There’s a fondness there like when Chris hands him a piece of art he made, but something else. Something he can’t quite place. He blames his fever. 

Buck gets to work on laying everything out, grabbing a bowl and spoon from the kitchen before filling a bowl up for Eddie to eat. As good as the soup smells, he’s reluctant to remove himself from his blanket, but he forces his arms out into the open air. 

“You’re not wearing a shirt,” Buck observes, eyes trailing down his newly exposed skin, but surely isn’t bothering him. They’ve seen each other without their shirts plenty of times. 

“I’m hot.”

“I can see that,” Buck grins, his knee tapping against Eddie’s own playfully. The back of Buck’s hand is cool against his forehead, which must explain the sudden shiver traveling down his spine. “Jesus Eddie, you really are burning up.”

Eddie shrugs, carefully swallowing sips of soup under Buck’s watchful eye. “Thanks for the soup.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Eddie insists. Only one other person has ever made him soup when he was sick and that was his abuela when he was eight and she was in town visiting. No one has taken care of him when he was sick as an adult. He hasn’t asked, but a small part of him has always hoped someone would offer. Buck offered without prompting, so yeah, it’s definitely something.  “The soup is really good. My compliments to the chef.”

Buck straightens at the praise, his smile now reaching his eyes in a way that makes his birthmark crinkle. It’s a good smile. He likes being the one to put it on Buck’s face. 

“Eat up, we’ll have you feeling better in no time.”

He expects Buck to leave after he finishes eating, but instead he does the dishes before settling next to him on the couch. He expects Buck to leave when the sun starts to go down, but instead Buck runs his long fingers through Eddie’s sweaty hair without complaint, massaging his head until Eddie’s falling asleep under his touch. He expects him to leave as Eddie curls pitifully into bed, but he stays, bringing him fresh glasses of water and stroking his back as he hacks and wheezes throughout the night.

He expects Buck to leave, but he stays. He stays. He stays. 

“Maybe tomorrow we can have ice cream?”

“Eddie, dairy will make your mucus thicker which will cause more draining and...Are you giving me puppy dog eyes?”

Yes, yes he was. In his defense, it always seems to work on Buck when Chris does it. Chris is much cuter and an actual child, but still. 

“Please?”

“Eddie, I don’t think…”

“Please, Buck? It will make me feel better.” Buck sighs, but by lunchtime he has ice cream. 

The look also gets him control of the remote, free head massages and the right to use Buck’s thigh as a human pillow. Or maybe it’s just because he’s sick. Either way, Buck doesn’t put up much of a fight, even when Eddie wipes his snot on Buck’s shirt to Buck’s absolute horror. It is almost worth the side cramp he gets from laughing and coughing so hard simultaneously. 

“The kleenex are too far away.”

“They’re literally right there,” Buck exclaims, pointing towards the box sitting right in front of Eddie’s face. 

“Your shirt is softer.”

“You’re disgusting.” 

He is, but Buck still stays. He stays until Eddie can admit he doesn’t want Buck to go. 

“I think your fever finally broke,” Buck says softly on the fourth day, his fingers moving from Eddie’s forehead to stroke through his hair. Eddie’s head rests on Buck’s thigh, still wrapped up in a pile of blankets as he lays out across the couch. 

He was always going to get better. Buck was always going to leave. Still, he was hoping for a little bit longer. It’s selfish, but it’s there. 

“Maybe, but you should stay a bit longer just to make sure,” Eddie ventures, voice soft as he stares ahead at the TV. 

“You know, that’s probably not a bad idea.”

“And maybe, if you get sick, I could take care of you.” Eddie does look up at him then, blue eyes staring back down at him with that soft look he can’t quite place. 

“I’d like that,” Buck grins, his birthmark crinkling as it reaches his eyes.

Buck doesn’t get sick for another four months, but when he does Eddie is there. Buck doesn’t even have to ask.

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Beantown Bailout Job

leverage 2.01

(see link for a video on this episode that captured literally all of my reactions and will undoubtedly capture yours too)

Manager: You found that stolen Monet in Florence, saved your company a $25 million payout. That identity-theft case, you saved $15 million.

+

nate sees .00005 seconds of normal life and yeets the hell out

- - - - -

(The lobby is teaming with people when Nate walks in. A sign shows that Sophie is starring in The Sound of Music. He sees Parker at the ticket counter)

Parker: Picking up for one.

Ticket Agent: Last name?

Parker: Parker.

Ticket Agent: First name?

Parker: No. Just one name.

Ticket Agent: Great. I hope you enjoy it.

(Parker turns to see Nate across the room and smiles)

Hardison: Parker?

(Parker looks to her right to see Hardison. The sound of Eliot’s laughter from across the lobby draws Hardison’s attention)

Eliot (to women): All right. After the show, then. I'll see you.

(Eliot turns and sees the others. The all meet in the center of the lobby)

Nate: Eliot.

Parker: Nate.

Hardison: Parker.

Eliot: Hardison.

Eliot: So, how have you...

Nate: Good. Good. Great. You?

Eliot: Fantastic. Six months of traveling. Did a couple of big jobs.

Hardison: eah. Me, too. Great off time. Well, I bought an oxygen tank. Cool, nice.

Parker: Yeah, super. I've been really super, too.

Nate: Yeah, she didn't tell me that you guys would..

this is that dinner scene from shrek 2 right???

also, parker’s lil smile when she sees nate, hardison’s big smile when he sees parker + hardison says parker and eliot says hardison = ot3 acknowledging each other

- - - - -

Hardison: I didn't know you could sing.

Sophie: You know. Not as well as I act, but, yeah.

Hardison: Oh

- - - - -

Sophie: Uhhgh…

Hardison: Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be...

(Sophie hands Hardison her phone)

Hardison: …on the news website already.

Parker (grabs the phone): Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis. (Hardison gestures something like ‘WHY’ to Parker and she gestures something like ‘JDJSJSJ SORRY’ back)

POOR SOPHIE LMFAO

- - - - -

Sophie: No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.

Parker: I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.

Nate: No, no.

Sophie: Yes! We could do it together.

Eliot: I like this. Get right back up on the bike.

Parker: Bike of crime.

Nate: Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?

Parker: Yeah, well, I stole the Hope Diamond.

Nate: What?

Parker: (Everyone looks surprised. Eliot looks like he is going to say something.) And then I put it back. Yeah, 'cause I was bored. Didn't care.

Hardison: I spent three days hacking the white house e-mail. No buzz.

Nate: See?

Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.

Sophie: Look, I'm miserable. They're miserable. (to Eliot) Okay, what have you been doing the last six months?

Eliot: I was in Pakistan. (Parker grins)

Hardison: You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, hacker, grifter, thief, you took us, and you broke us.

Nate: No, no. I-I, what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's all.

Parker: Exactly.

Sophie: Yeah.

Eliot: This is the problem, with being the good guy. It gets under your skin.

Sophie: Look, Nate. You have to have some poor, little lost soul somewhere who needs a little extra-legal aid.

Nate: Look, we all agreed that we'd just move on.

Sophie: Yeah, but we're... We're thieves.

Nate: Not me. Look, it was great. It was fun. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I was drunk most of the time, to be honest with you. And I… A little crazy.

Eliot: Yeah, but you were good.

Parker: You were the best.

Hardison: We were the best.

Parker: Yeah.

Nate: Listen, really, I owe all of you. And I'm very proud of what we did. I-I really am. But I got my life back, and I intend to keep it that way. And I am not a thief. (stands up) It was great to see all of you. Good night. (leaves)

BIKE OF CRIME + also bruh let them have their found family, nate

- - - - -

(Nate enters the dim room and looks around. Behind him, the Thug opens the door and comes at him with a knife. Nate sees the reflection in a pot lid and turns to block the blow. Sophie comes in behind the Thug)

Sophie: Oi! Does your mother sew? (headbutts Thug) Stitch that.

(Thug runs out of the condo. Nate runs out after him, but Thug gets away. As he reenters the condo, Sophie hits him in the head with a cookie sheet and Nate falls to the floor)

Sophie: Ah! Bugger

she tried, your honor + her tough talk and then AH BUGGER

- - - - -

(the next morning, Nate wakes up on the couch to the sound of Parker eating. Parker is wearing a Nun’s habit, smiles and moves away. Sophie comes downstairs wearing Nate’s shirt)

Nate: That's my shirt.

Sophie: Yeah. I stayed the night to make sure you were okay. You what? But don't worry. I didn't look under your bed. I know that's where guys keep weird, kinky stuff.

Nate: There's nothing under my bed.

Parker (opens cupboard): This is all coffee.

Nate: Get out of there! (sees Hardison and Eliot at the table) What are you guys doing? (gets up) Come on, get out of here. Get all this stuff out of here. You're planning something. I know it. Come on. Get out of my house.

...

Hardison: Look, nobody else is gonna help that guy and his little girl. Okay, that's what we do. We help people. By the way, I compared Sophie's description of your attacker to the accident footage from the security camera.

(Hardison pushes a few buttons on the laptop and zooms in on the Thug’s face to begin a facial recognition search through various cameras in the area)

Hardison: Do you realize, on average, people are caught on security cameras 13 times a day? ATM cameras, traffic cameras. It's crazy, man, but we can track him. We can. Well, I lost him in this.

Eliot: Yeah, well, I found this empty briefcase belonging to a Matt Kerrigan at that intersection.

...

Eliot: Yeah, well, the problem is, these two cats went down to the safety deposit boxes.

Parker: Which is the only room in every bank, with absolutely no cameras.

Hardison: Which means we up, baby. (puts on a priest’s collar) They tried to kill Kerrigan for what was in the briefcase. We're gonna steal it back.

Eliot (laughs): She was dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.

Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?

Eliot: It's Parker.

...

(Nate walks away)

Sophie (to Eliot): So, you going?

Eliot: I'm not going anywhere. The man has 700 sports channels.

Sophie: You want to see what he's got under his bed?

Eliot: N-no, I do not.

Sophie: Icky

- - - - -

(Parker opens her Bible to reveal a lock duplication kit with a depression in the plastic of the master key)

[Flashback]

(Parker takes the key from the Bank Manager’s pocket as Hardison talks, pressing the key into the form before replacing it into the Bank Manager’s pocket)

Hardison: And the children... The children thank you. They will send you a card just as soon as we buy them tiny pencils. And teach them how to spell. It's a two-step process, you see.

[Bank Vault]

Parker: Superglue and a heat-activated polymer to set it. Seven seconds, instant plastic key. (hands Hardison the Bible) Shake it.

Hardison: What?

Parker: Shake the bible.

Hardison: This is even more wrong.

(Hardison: takes the Bible and begins shaking it while Parker picks box 5076)

they’re so competent ugh

- - - - -

Hardison: I did look for you. For six months.

HE LOOKED FOR HER FOR SIX MONTHS

- - - - -

Parker: I think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.

Hardison: Fiddly?

Parker: You learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the...

(the lock opens and the door swings wide)

- - - - -

(Hardison is sitting on the couch going through some paperwork and working on a laptop. Several boards have been set up with information about the case)

Nate: Now, this is not "gone." This is "more."

Hardison: Yeah, I, uh, I scanned the documents in Leary's box, but I wanted to print out a few pages.

Nate: I asked—I asked Eliot to get rid of this stuff. Now there's more stuff.

Hardison: Did you? Oh, we-we crossed, but didn't see each other. He didn't tell me.

Nate: Oh, that's how you're gonna play this?

Hardison: Oh, man. Look... (stands up and sniffs)

Nate: What?

Hardison: Is that... What is that aroma? That's that apple shampoo that's open.

Nate: You've been up in my shower, rummaging around?

Hardison: Man's in a strange bathroom, he's got a lot of time to kill... Nate, Nate, Nat-

I CANNOT

- - - - -

Nate: Grew up in the same neighborhood. The O'Hares are mobbed up. These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.

Hardison: Mob?

Nate: Where's Eliot?

Hardison: Oops.

Nate: What?

[Warehouse]

(Eliot is going through boxes when his phone rings. He answers)

Eliot: Yeah, Hardison. This is the third place I checked. It's all the same. What do you mean mob?

Thug: Hey!

(three men approach, one of them the Thug, who has his nose bandaged and is carrying a baseball bat)

Eliot: Oh, that mob. (hangs up)

hardison’s “whoops” followed by I HAVE TO WARN MY BOYFRIEND + in this episode we have eliot using a baseball bat as a weapon which is yet another piece in the continuation of eliot using things as weapons that are not supposed to be used as weapons

+ he apologizes to the guy that just had a nose job for beating him up and punching him in the nose he’s baby

- - - - -

(Nate opens the refrigerator to find it full of Hardison’s orange soda)

Nate: Seriously?

(Nate turns to see the island covered in food and dishes)

Nate: You know, guys, there is a dishwasher here.

Eliot: You're out of ice.

he literally can’t get rid of them + also I WONDER whose orange soda that is

- - - - -

parker robot dancing in the 80s jacket and looking DIRECTLY at eliot lmfao

- - - - -

Nate: What? Sophie, how do you catch mob guys?

Sophie: Ah, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandma in Sicily

- - - - -

Nate: Well, yeah. I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?

Parker: You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier

- - - - -

eliot and parker sitting next to each other? cute

- - - - -

Hardison: Mr. Leary, I'm Detective Costello, with the Massachusetts State Police. This is Detective Costigan. I believe you met with our chief, Lieutenant Bonanno

more aliases to keep track of

- - - - -

Parker: We're investigating your colleague Matt Kerrigan's (air quotes) "car accident."

Leary: So you don't think it was an accident?

Hardison: Of course not. She did the finger thing. You got that. Everybody gets that.

Parker: Did I do it right?

Hardison: No. No. This guy just... (pulls picture from his pocket)

~ a few moments later ~

Parker: I did it right, didn't I?

Hardison: It was perfect.

Parker: I knew I did it right.

Hardison: It was beautiful execution. Absolutely.

Parker: Just like you taught me. I did it. (she smiles brightly)

Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, you did it. I like it. Yeah. (gives her a thumbs up)

SHES LEARNING IM SO PROUD OF HER

- - - - -

Eliot: Hey, this detonator - If I'm around the corner, is it still gonna be in range?

Hardison: Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the things just go off.

Eliot: Whoa, whoa, wait. Hey. I thought you said this thing was safe.

Hardison: Mostly. Mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.

Eliot: What frequencies, man? Huh? I got these things in my pants.

Hardison: Like, you know, a garage-door opener, a car alarm.

(a car alarm chirps then goes off, making Eliot jump. He moves away angrily)

Parker: What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?

Eliot: Damn it, Hardison! (stalks off)

chaotic ot3

- - - - -

Sophie (shows passport): Annie Kroy.

O’Hare (grabs passport): Name's familiar.

Sophie: My family does business in North London with Terry Adams, and a couple of other organizations. We handle the money.

Nate (getting up): Yeah, see, what they do is they clean the money.

some people think that annie kroy is sophie’s true identity. I think, if anything, it would be her duchess alias but can you IMAGINE mob child sophie??? also, hi. im jackie and I wholeheartedly believe annie kroy has killed a man.

- - - - -

(Eliot is parked outside of the bank when Leary comes out, looking at files. Eliot hits a remote and the sound of gunfire fills the street as the squibs go off. People scream and Leary dives for cover. Eliot laughs and closes his window.)

chaotic eliot

- - - - -

Leary: And for that, the government hunts them down like dogs. People like me, we took billions from the banks. Billions. And what did the government do when they finally caught us? They wrote us a giant check and begged us to make it all better.

that’s disturbing

- - - - -

(Parker uses a taser on O’Hare and Hardison pulls up a recorder)

I think that was the first time parker tasered someone and we love to see it

- - - - -

Nate: So, how did you do it?

Eliot (gets up): Detonator, (holds up remote, reaches into his shirt and pulls out ketchup wrapper) ketchup.

Nate: Ah, the classics.

Sophie: Oh (hops happily), I love a good death scene

- - - - -

parker in a nun costume smelling money and saying “ahhhh” is certainly a mood

- - - - -

Leary: I was tricked. I was tricked. It wasn't me, you understand?

Bonanno: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crimes straight to the police? Come on, Mr. Leary. Nobody's that smart. Get him out of here

THEY ARE T H A T SMART

- - - - -

Zoe: Thank you. There are wolves in the world. But sometimes they're the good guys, I guess.

I didn’t like that whole metaphor because it felt kinda cliche but whatever, they ARE the good guys

+ bruh why is hardison wearing glasses??? him and eliot will sometimes wear them and honestly I don’t know who actually needs them and for what at this point ???

- - - - -

(Nate enters the condo to find that Hardison has installed five of six large monitors on the wall and is working on the last one)

Nate: Whoa, whoa. What are you doing there?

Hardison: I'm running this cat 5 cable to the--

Nate: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. No, I don't want to have these monitors in my apartment. No.

(Parker opens the door and walks in carrying a large painting)

Parker: Coming through!

Nate: No, these must go. What? No! Parker, no! Not that paint--I don't ever want to see that painting.

Parker: (shaking the painting as she talks in a funny voice) “Hi, I'm old Nate, and I live here, too."

Nate: You can't just break in here and start hanging--

Hardison: Oh, yeah, yeah. For repairs or renovation, your landlord has full access to your dwelling. It's in the lease.

Nate: What are you doing reading my lease?

Hardison: I bought the building.

Nate: You bought the... You're my landlord?

Hardison: Yeah. (holds his hand out for a fistbump) Yeah.

(Nate looks away, then hears the sound of a chain saw. He turns to see the end of a chain saw come through the wall)

Nate: No, no! No! No!

(Part of the wall falls to reveal Eliot holding the chainsaw and grinning. Nate coughs and both Parker and Hardison put their arms around him)

CHAOTIC OT3 + THEIR TIRED DAD

[nights-lament]

RWBY Volume 8, Chapter 1 Thoughts and Opinions

HELLO, INTERWEBS!!! At long last, we are back with more RWBY, and with it, more RWBY Thoughts and Opinions! After the absolute roller coaster that was Volume 7's cliffhanger finale, I can not imagine the insanity that awaits us this Volume. So, without further ado, here are my various thoughts and opinions on Chapter 1 of RWBY Volume 8, "Divide"

SPOILERS BELOW:

Hmm, starting off with a mysterious woman scrubbing floors, and...wait, is that...no...

I really like the way they juxtapose Cinder scrubbing with her scratching the chair. Very symbolic.

Yick, something about organic architecture just gives me the willies. I mean, is the whale aware that they double as a building complex? Can they feel the diabolical ongoings of it's rib cage? Creepy stuff.

Oof, outright taking credit for grabbing the relic, Cinder? Yeah, no way that's going to bite you in the ass.

Oh my. Mercury, Emerald, AND Hazel have new looks this season. I'm sure I'll warm up to them eventually, but right now Emerald's and Hazel's aren't really doing this. For Hazel, the outfit is all right, but the hair is a bit boring compared to his originals. Mercury's is ok, but is it just me, or is he basically wearing Yang's V4-6 outfit? I mean, it works, but still.

"Without you, I am nothing." That...didn't sound like the first time she's said that. It almost sounds like something Salem's drilled into her head for years. Cinder may be irredeemable in my opinion, but I do love a good tragic backstory.

You know, I guess would make sense for the crater to be the slums area. Can't imagine living directly under a floating landmass would be considered prime real estate.

Ooh, this old man has badger paws. I don't think we've seen that kind of Faunus trait yet.

D'aaww, Nora gave Oscar a soft hug rather than her usual glomp. So cute ^-^

I'm interested in how Oscar not telling them about Oz is going to play out.

Ok, their is a lot going on in this bar-base worth talking about, but for some reason I am fascinated by the picture of (i'm assuming) the founders in the background. What interesting designs they have. I feel like they have a story, and I would like to hear it.

Penny's dejected demeanor is giving me all of the feels Q_Q

Not sure how I feel about the rift forming between RWBYJNRO, though I guess we'll have to see where it goes. At least we have people like Jaune playing mediator.

I will say, though, I look forward to seeing Ren and Nora apart. As much as I love them as a couple, I'd very much like to see them operate as individuals.

God, Ironwood trying to manipulate Penny like that.

And there it is. Ironwood has truly revealed his true feelings, and his motivation for his attempt to launch Atlas. He isn't making a tactical retreat in order to form a new plan altogether. He's abandoning the fight altogether, leaving Remnant to die so that he and Atlas can live. It's funny, he wanted to avoid becoming Lionheart, but he was a coward too.

"Everything that follows will be on your hands". That motherf-

You know, we don't see a lot of corpses on this show, do we? Penny got better, Amber's screentime ended as she died, Roman got eaten, Pyrrha got an express viking funeral, etc, and a lot of others were only corpses for seconds before we never saw them again. They did a good job selling how proper dead Clover is here.

Ok, I don't know squat about Hospital layouts. Is it normal to have the morgue right outside of an emergency room? I mean, I guess it saves some travel time should things go wrong, but still, seems like a great anxiety generator for the patient, especially with both rooms having windows. "That's where I'll be going next."

I like the new metal arm. The fact that you can see all of the internal stuff makes it feel like it was quickly put together for the sake of urgency, while still looking cool.

Man, that rendition of "Hero" in the background. Chilling.

Is Winter getting a new look already? I must say. I like the look of the braces, and the ponytail is a vast improvement over the bun.

JESUS H CHRIST IRONWOOD!!! I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING OUT THERE TO ARREST THEM!!! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PRETTY BIG FASCIST MOVE, RIGHT!? HE JUST SHOT CHAD JAMES IN THE FACE!!!

What really interests me is everyone's reactions. Elm and Marrow are incredibly shocked, Harriet and Winter share their little look of doubt, and then there's Vine who just...doesn't react at all. Either that or it's all in his eyes, which we can't really see from here. Either way, not a huge reaction from him. Methinks the Ace-Ops and Winter might be starting to doubt the horse they bet on.

I find it interesting that Salem doesn't know how the Relic works, but then I suppose it makes sense, seeing as Oz probably placed them into the vaults almost immediately after finding them, so this is probably the first time she's even seen one in person..

Ok, OP time, and buckle up, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, because this one is going to be a doozy.

-First off, the song sounds pretty good, but it seems like it's going to go through the same cycle as the rest where it doesn't do too much for me at first, but has me headbanging like a metalhead by the end of the volume

- Mantle glitching out between peaceful and wartorn is a wonderful effect. Definitely fills you with a sense of dread.

-The individual shots of Team RWBY are absolutely gorgeous. Conceptually, it's the standard "where we started and where we're at", but the composition is worthy of a chef's kiss. I think I've found my new wallpaper.

-The Ace-Ops appearing on Clover's pin is nice, but what I find interesting is Harriet and Qrow appearing back to back, especially with Harriet looking so angry. Is Harriet going to double down on her loyalty to Ironwood and go after Qrow?

- It seems Robyn is going to be Qrow's main source of support this season, though the bars seem to suggest they might be in custody for a while.

-Oscar seems to be in Salem's stronghold, which doesn't bode well for our farmboy, also, WHY DOES SALEM HAVE DEMON WINGS!? Emerald's Volume 5 illusion wasn't this scary looking!

-I feel like their's symbolism showing Team RWBY's weapons paired together like that, but I feel like it's too early to say what of. Looks pretty, though

-Ren and Nora standing so far apart. It hurts my soul! Interesting how, while Ren looks away, Nora actually turns towards him.

-I didn't notice Winter's change of expression/outfit before passing by Weiss. She went from looking confident and slightly condescending to full with doubt.

-Not a lot to say about the quick shots of Whitley and Willow other then the fact that they both look worried. The image of the Schnee Snowflake shattering, however, is VERY interesting.

-I'm always a sucker for some good ol' chess symbolism. I find it interesting that while Salem's pieces dissolve into creatures of Grimm, Ironwood's simply dissolve, leaving him alone. Perhaps shooting a fellow councilman in the face right in front of his inner circle doesn't play out as well for him as well as he thought it would.

- Speaking of the classics, also gotta love me some reflection artwork. Watts seems to be working behind Pietro's back while Pietro (presumably) works to get Amity running, while secretly worrying about Penny, whose reflection cracks, possibly symbolizing her resolve. I worry for her.

- The snowflake turning into a flower petal in Ren's hand, while a similar petal passes Nora by. I don't know what this means, but I'm intrigued.

- It seems Ruby and Yang won't be completely be at odds, judging by the look they give each other before going into the action shot.

- Hmm, while Cinder pulls a Za Warudo on the fight scene, you can see a dejected Emerald and a pissed off Neo, still moving, among the heroes. Interesting...

-Almost as interesting as Cinder grasping her Grimm arm before being engulfed in flames. Perhaps Salem pulled a Wormtail's Silver Hand with that arm.

-Is this the first time we've seen the Staff of Creation in it's entirety? I remember wanting to include it and the Lamp in my RWBY Vol 7 spritesheet, but couldn't find any images of it's bottom half. I like the little jewel on the bottom.

-Wow, CRWBY went full Kingdom Hearts with the heroes falling through the ice, and I absolutely LOVE IT! This op has some of the most gorgeous visuals the series has ever seen.

-HAPPY EVER AFTER HAPPY? NEVER AGAIN Daaaaaaamn, that's awesome. It kind of reminds me of a line from Red Like Roses Part II, "This bedtime story ends with Misery Ever After". It's incredibly haunting.

-Almost as haunting as the sketchy art style that flashes in between the words, particularly the part that shows Penny's eyes going red before the rest of her does. Did we predict Watts hacking Penny a volume too early?

-The final shot of Crescent Rose alone stuck in the snow. Damn. The theme of this op seems to be "foreboding as all hell"

Damn. Damn! DAMN! This was, without question, the best OP RWBY has ever had. By, like, a lot. The visuals were some of the best the show has ever had to offer, the foreboding is through the roof, and the symbolism is incredibly clever. I don't envy them when it comes time to make Volume 9's, because this will be a very tough act to beat. I am so happy to have RWBY back, and I am both excited and terrified to see what this show is going to do next.

[shadows-twilight]

RWBY Volume 8, Chapter 1 Thoughts and Opinions

HELLO, INTERWEBS!!! At long last, we are back with more RWBY, and with it, more RWBY Thoughts and Opinions! After the absolute roller coaster that was Volume 7's cliffhanger finale, I can not imagine the insanity that awaits us this Volume. So, without further ado, here are my various thoughts and opinions on Chapter 1 of RWBY Volume 8, "Divide"

SPOILERS BELOW:

Hmm, starting off with a mysterious woman scrubbing floors, and...wait, is that...no...

I really like the way they juxtapose Cinder scrubbing with her scratching the chair. Very symbolic.

Yick, something about organic architecture just gives me the willies. I mean, is the whale aware that they double as a building complex? Can they feel the diabolical ongoings of it's rib cage? Creepy stuff.

Oof, outright taking credit for grabbing the relic, Cinder? Yeah, no way that's going to bite you in the ass.

Oh my. Mercury, Emerald, AND Hazel have new looks this season. I'm sure I'll warm up to them eventually, but right now Emerald's and Hazel's aren't really doing this. For Hazel, the outfit is all right, but the hair is a bit boring compared to his originals. Mercury's is ok, but is it just me, or is he basically wearing Yang's V4-6 outfit? I mean, it works, but still.

"Without you, I am nothing." That...didn't sound like the first time she's said that. It almost sounds like something Salem's drilled into her head for years. Cinder may be irredeemable in my opinion, but I do love a good tragic backstory.

You know, I guess would make sense for the crater to be the slums area. Can't imagine living directly under a floating landmass would be considered prime real estate.

Ooh, this old man has badger paws. I don't think we've seen that kind of Faunus trait yet.

D'aaww, Nora gave Oscar a soft hug rather than her usual glomp. So cute ^-^

I'm interested in how Oscar not telling them about Oz is going to play out.

Ok, their is a lot going on in this bar-base worth talking about, but for some reason I am fascinated by the picture of (i'm assuming) the founders in the background. What interesting designs they have. I feel like they have a story, and I would like to hear it.

Penny's dejected demeanor is giving me all of the feels Q_Q

Not sure how I feel about the rift forming between RWBYJNRO, though I guess we'll have to see where it goes. At least we have people like Jaune playing mediator.

I will say, though, I look forward to seeing Ren and Nora apart. As much as I love them as a couple, I'd very much like to see them operate as individuals.

God, Ironwood trying to manipulate Penny like that.

And there it is. Ironwood has truly revealed his true feelings, and his motivation for his attempt to launch Atlas. He isn't making a tactical retreat in order to form a new plan altogether. He's abandoning the fight altogether, leaving Remnant to die so that he and Atlas can live. It's funny, he wanted to avoid becoming Lionheart, but he was a coward too.

"Everything that follows will be on your hands". That motherf-

You know, we don't see a lot of corpses on this show, do we? Penny got better, Amber's screentime ended as she died, Roman got eaten, Pyrrha got an express viking funeral, etc, and a lot of others were only corpses for seconds before we never saw them again. They did a good job selling how proper dead Clover is here.

Ok, I don't know squat about Hospital layouts. Is it normal to have the morgue right outside of an emergency room? I mean, I guess it saves some travel time should things go wrong, but still, seems like a great anxiety generator for the patient, especially with both rooms having windows. "That's where I'll be going next."

I like the new metal arm. The fact that you can see all of the internal stuff makes it feel like it was quickly put together for the sake of urgency, while still looking cool.

Man, that rendition of "Hero" in the background. Chilling.

Is Winter getting a new look already? I must say. I like the look of the braces, and the ponytail is a vast improvement over the bun.

JESUS H CHRIST IRONWOOD!!! I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING OUT THERE TO ARREST THEM!!! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PRETTY BIG FASCIST MOVE, RIGHT!? HE JUST SHOT CHAD JAMES IN THE FACE!!!

What really interests me is everyone's reactions. Elm and Marrow are incredibly shocked, Harriet and Winter share their little look of doubt, and then there's Vine who just...doesn't react at all. Either that or it's all in his eyes, which we can't really see from here. Either way, not a huge reaction from him. Methinks the Ace-Ops and Winter might be starting to doubt the horse they bet on.

I find it interesting that Salem doesn't know how the Relic works, but then I suppose it makes sense, seeing as Oz probably placed them into the vaults almost immediately after finding them, so this is probably the first time she's even seen one in person..

Ok, OP time, and buckle up, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, because this one is going to be a doozy.

-First off, the song sounds pretty good, but it seems like it's going to go through the same cycle as the rest where it doesn't do too much for me at first, but has me headbanging like a metalhead by the end of the volume

- Mantle glitching out between peaceful and wartorn is a wonderful effect. Definitely fills you with a sense of dread.

-The individual shots of Team RWBY are absolutely gorgeous. Conceptually, it's the standard "where we started and where we're at", but the composition is worthy of a chef's kiss. I think I've found my new wallpaper.

-The Ace-Ops appearing on Clover's pin is nice, but what I find interesting is Harriet and Qrow appearing back to back, especially with Harriet looking so angry. Is Harriet going to double down on her loyalty to Ironwood and go after Qrow?

- It seems Robyn is going to be Qrow's main source of support this season, though the bars seem to suggest they might be in custody for a while.

-Oscar seems to be in Salem's stronghold, which doesn't bode well for our farmboy, also, WHY DOES SALEM HAVE DEMON WINGS!? Emerald's Volume 5 illusion wasn't this scary looking!

-I feel like their's symbolism showing Team RWBY's weapons paired together like that, but I feel like it's too early to say what of. Looks pretty, though

-Ren and Nora standing so far apart. It hurts my soul! Interesting how, while Ren looks away, Nora actually turns towards him.

-I didn't notice Winter's change of expression/outfit before passing by Weiss. She went from looking confident and slightly condescending to full with doubt.

-Not a lot to say about the quick shots of Whitley and Willow other then the fact that they both look worried. The image of the Schnee Snowflake shattering, however, is VERY interesting.

-I'm always a sucker for some good ol' chess symbolism. I find it interesting that while Salem's pieces dissolve into creatures of Grimm, Ironwood's simply dissolve, leaving him alone. Perhaps shooting a fellow councilman in the face right in front of his inner circle doesn't play out as well for him as well as he thought it would.

- Speaking of the classics, also gotta love me some reflection artwork. Watts seems to be working behind Pietro's back while Pietro (presumably) works to get Amity running, while secretly worrying about Penny, whose reflection cracks, possibly symbolizing her resolve. I worry for her.

- The snowflake turning into a flower petal in Ren's hand, while a similar petal passes Nora by. I don't know what this means, but I'm intrigued.

- It seems Ruby and Yang won't be completely be at odds, judging by the look they give each other before going into the action shot.

- Hmm, while Cinder pulls a Za Warudo on the fight scene, you can see a dejected Emerald and a pissed off Neo, still moving, among the heroes. Interesting...

-Almost as interesting as Cinder grasping her Grimm arm before being engulfed in flames. Perhaps Salem pulled a Wormtail's Silver Hand with that arm.

-Is this the first time we've seen the Staff of Creation in it's entirety? I remember wanting to include it and the Lamp in my RWBY Vol 7 spritesheet, but couldn't find any images of it's bottom half. I like the little jewel on the bottom.

-Wow, CRWBY went full Kingdom Hearts with the heroes falling through the ice, and I absolutely LOVE IT! This op has some of the most gorgeous visuals the series has ever seen.

-HAPPY EVER AFTER HAPPY? NEVER AGAIN Daaaaaaamn, that's awesome. It kind of reminds me of a line from Red Like Roses Part II, "This bedtime story ends with Misery Ever After". It's incredibly haunting.

-Almost as haunting as the sketchy art style that flashes in between the words, particularly the part that shows Penny's eyes going red before the rest of her does. Did we predict Watts hacking Penny a volume too early?

-The final shot of Crescent Rose alone stuck in the snow. Damn. The theme of this op seems to be "foreboding as all hell"

Damn. Damn! DAMN! This was, without question, the best OP RWBY has ever had. By, like, a lot. The visuals were some of the best the show has ever had to offer, the foreboding is through the roof, and the symbolism is incredibly clever. I don't envy them when it comes time to make Volume 9's, because this will be a very tough act to beat. I am so happy to have RWBY back, and I am both excited and terrified to see what this show is going to do next.

[maikatc]

black sun tale | jackson

i want more jackson love so i shall share jackson love. also this is from the 3rd draft of bst too and most of it is still in the current canon, just a good amount of changes here or there (like the ending-)

-

Since the sun wanted to kill his skin like usual, Jackson stayed inside with his companion

Despite her constant rambling, he stared at his computer screen in focus. He checked left and right from every forum he travelled to, reading all of the comments and theories that left in each and every one.

“Do you think we should get Finn over? Since he’s basically the same as you and never bothers to listen. Well, actually he’s pretty good at multitasking so it’s mainly just you.”

There was a sour tone in her voice, which her minor complaints caused him to look at her directly rather than his screen. “Mirana, I can still hear everything you say while I read.”

She crossed her arms, “That’s impossible,” she scoffed.

“Have you ever seen some foreign movie with subtitles?”

Mirana looked at him deadpanned. “I was forced to, yes.”

Jackson sighed, he figured that socializing during the summer was probably a good thing. “Just call Finn over.”

“Okay! I’ll go on speaker.” Mirana grabbed her phone as Jackson comforted himself back to his laptop, muttering.

“Why am I even friends with you guys again?”

“Because childhood friends are bitches like that.”

“Right.” He cringed at his own lack of silence.

“I’m guessing Jackson’s being a prick again?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“That’s the reason you always invite Finn over here,” Jackson entered the conversation as Finn entered through the doorway.

Mirana crossed her arms. “I always tell you guys to go out but no,” she spited.

Jackson rolled his eyes, “You haven’t seen the news lately, haven’t you?”

Finn replied, “You mean the area deaths?”

“Mirana, do you really think anyone would go out with that situation at hand.” Jackson eyed her as she played with her red hair.

Mirana looked down, muttering words Jackson couldn’t hear. She looked back at both of them, “Well, we can always just go somewhere indoors. You guys just stay in your houses all the time.”

“I’m researching about the area deaths.”

“I’m trying to hack online friends for a prank.”

Jackson and Finn replied to her simultaneously.

The girl sighed and pointed at Jackson, “Okay that’s too depressing to spend days on,” she shifted her hand towards Finn, “And that just means you need more of a life.”

Finn chuckled, “They hacked me a few days ago, gotta get em back.”

Mirana shriveled downwards, “Y’all need more vitamin D, goddamnit.”

Jackson opened his computer again, “That’s why they made pills for it.”

“Don’t forget the flavored gummies.” Finn added, going on his phone in the process.

Mirana stared at them deadpanned. “… You guys suck.”

As Jackson’s focus drifted back to forums, a hand suddenly closed his laptop, causing him to jump. He saw Mirana take Finn’s phone as well.

“What the hell?” Finn his arms up as his phone was gone.

She swiftly grabbed both of their arms, her strength being able to pull them up. “I’m dragging you guys out. We’re going to the diabetes shop.”

Jackson’s eyes lowered at her. “Fucking hell.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you guys candy in return.”

Jackson pulled himself out of the girl’s grasp. “Let me at least get ready to go.” He looked at himself, still just in a white t-shirt and black boxers.

He walked to his drawer of clothing, taking off his shirt in the process.

“Don’t you ever think that’s too forward?” Finn commented.

Jackson opened a drawer full of shirts, “It’s not like I’m trying to get you guys to sleep with me. Well, anybody anyways.”

“Yes, we’ve already gotten over this: You don’t like people.” Mirana stood by his bedroom doorway as she spoke. All the while, Finn was on his phone he had gotten back from the girl. “Besides, out of anybody, Finn would be the one distracted by you right now.”

Finn turned away from his phone immediately. “Middle school means nothing.”

“And nothing came out of it, so now we’re just chill.” Jackson grabbed a grey t-shirt he’d gotten from concert Mirana brought him to around a year back. He put it on without much thought and then wore a red unbuttoned flannel over it.

As Mirana and Finn talked to each other, returning regrettable middle school memories, Jackson added a simple pair of jeans and a belt to complete his outfit. He tucked his shirt in as he walked towards the mirror. He fixed up his tuff of brown hair lying on top of his coffee-colored skin. Adding his grey newsie cap on his head, he turned towards the others.

“You definitely go on the internet too much.” Finn eyed his outfit.

Mirana laughed, “I still don’t get why you where that hat, I gave it to you as a joke.”

Jackson shrugged. “Well, I like it.”

“It makes you look like an old man.” Mira smiled.

“Let’s just go,” Jackson grinned at their common talk.

 ***

 “I still hate the sun.” Jackson complained.

“Take off your flannel then,” Mira told him, rolling her eyes.

Finn said, “Hey Jackson, there’s this one video I’ve been meaning to show you too.”

“Finn, another video and I’ll take your phone again.” Mira remarked, causing Finn to place his mobile in his pocket yet again.

“Oh yeah, you heard of the Katzmann death, right?” Jackson asked Finn.

Finn nodded. “We’re screwed.”

“I still don’t get why you used the excuse of the area deaths when you still die indoors now.” Mira grumbled to herself.

“It’s more common outside though, the Katsmann kid was the first time a death was inside. And that happened like two days ago.” Finn spoke in defense.

“I still want to know why this is happening. It’s just getting weirder…” Jackson furrowed his eyebrows, his sight on the ground as he walked in the streets. His curiosity had peaked as always.

“Leave that to the government.” Mira’s hand made a brushing motion.

“It’s easier like that but people should try to figure it out so they’d know what to make best in the situation.”

“Yeah, yeah, but your ideas are too out of proportions.” Mira retorted.

“Don’t go into one of your journalism talks again please, Jackson.” Finn commented.

Jackson sighed and let go of the conversation.

The traffic was busy as always, creating the city noise he’s listened to for almost five years. Turning his newsie cap backwards, he observed the tall buildings engraved in his mind as his friends talked to each other about whatever gossip Mira had. Their snickers mixed with nostalgic sounds eased him slightly.

However, there were ideas peeking through his mind again, area deaths being the topic of course. The number of clues for the cause is nothing to discuss. There was no reason for many of them to just die so suddenly. Everybody would just fall from system failure. No way it couldn’t been a shooting, no injuries. How could a virus appear out of nowhere and kill others instantly without any other contact? How would the virus just disappear suddenly after mere seconds of so many dying? How could no one else around the area be affected if it were to spread so quickly? Why-

He bumped into somebody, someone shorter than him for sure. He looked down from his height to see a boy around his early teens down on the ground from lack of attention. Mira and Finn stopped with him.

The boy had white hair, likely dyed, covering his eye and strangely pale skin. He bore a simple, yet untucked, buttoned shirt and tight black jeans. His visible eye stared at him dully, though it shone a pretty blue.

He got himself up after muttering something under his mouth.

“Sorry, ‘you alright?” Jackson asked looking down at him. He was definitely short, maybe less than five feet compared to himself being over six.

The boy observed him again, and with a small curve on his lip, he said, “Yeah, but you better pay more attention.” He walked off without any other comment.

“You should probably pay more attention too,” Finn fussed.

         They walked for about another minute until Mira noted, “Well this was a pretty short walk. Not much to complain about, right?”

“I’m still sweating like shit, Mira,” Jackson bickered, “Shut up.”

Mira ran to the store door, “There’s a thing called cold drinks, you know.”

Finn walked inside. “I’m just gonna have some sour candies and soda while I plan on what the hell to do with life after high school.”

Jackson sighed as he walked in himself. “Same though, I don’t want to think about the college applications in two years.”

“And I don’t want to think about that stuff since we just went through sophomore year and it’s summer, so be quiet.” Mirana entered, slamming the door.

The store was the same as always, an array of candies near the cashier and soda pop stacked upon each other in rows. Throughout the store held packs of what kids get nowadays: junk food. Though laid around were mediocre everyday items such as earbuds or chargers, which were simply begging to be bought with their cheap prices. Jackson and company mainly went however for the small table they held for customers who just wanted to relax. Though, behind the front counter was a man around their age, who they all knew well.

His name was Kasen, his parents were managers so it was the easiest job to get, from what Jackson heard. Whenever he’d visit the shop for a quick grab of snacks for a sleepover, he would chat with him whilst paying with the little cash he’d have at the moment.

His aloof attitude towards the job made the shop surprisingly more welcoming with his honest attitude. Which is its own downside since he makes the family more money from the teenage crowd, thus his parents force him to stay.

“Yo, Kasen,” Finn walked towards him immediately. “How’s today’s shift going for you?”

Kasen looked up from the article he was reading on his phone. “Boring as usual.” He wore his signature, busted nametag as well as a short-sleeved hoodie for the heat. All the while he placed iced coffee from the coffee shop down the street and a fan to keep him cool.

Jackson shrugged, “Well, at least you have company now.”

Mirana picked out three individual candies that each of them liked themselves and placed them all in front of Kasen as she grabbed her wallet. “I told you guys I’ll by candy for you,” she placed the exactly amount of money on the counter to pay, “So here you go.” 

“I still have to scan it.”

Mira paused. “Oh yeah.” She handed the treats back to him.

Kasen quickly put his long-cut blonde bangs behind his ear and scanned all of them to hand them back to her. “Okay, now you guys can have it.” He took a sip of his iced-coffee again as he took the cash to put in the system.

“Wait!” Finn suddenly said. “What about the drinks?”

After a quick moment of silence, Kasen sighed as the computer printed out the receipt. “Just get your soda already and pay me again.”

 “I still don’t get why you guys just have a table here…” Mirana sat back as she ate gummies.

Kasen leaned forward from his counter. “Well, it was my idea when I was younger, my parents bought it as a present so I wouldn’t be running around the store while they worked. Plus, I thought that people who wanted to stay shouldn’t be standing. Didn’t really noticed how weird it was until I got older.” He snickered pulling up his glasses.

Finn chugged some of his cold, orange pop and took a sighed as he swallowed. “Aren’t we the only people who actually sit here?”

Kasen shrugged, “Well, there are some who do, but they don’t bother talking to me. Mainly since they’re basic bitches, but they get annoying easily so I don’t really try at the same time.”

“Makes sense,” Jackson nodded, “You’re a good man, Kasen, a good man.”

“Yes,” Kasen chuckled, “A good man without an idea of what degree I even wanna get.” He took another sip of coffee.

“Isn’t that half the students though,” Mira questioned.

“I guess so. I mean, at least I’m pretty sure my parents will let me quit after graduating.”

Jackson indulged in his popping candy as the others talked. He already had a basic plan after graduating high school, though without older siblings like Finn had, he didn’t have anything to make reference of for himself.

“Damnit…” He muttered, taking a sip of his lemonade as the others laugh about some random new topic.

 ***

 Jackson had returned to his cozy apartment, lying beside his dining table and lightly chuckling from the thoughtless jokes of the media.

Mira and Finn had left hours ago, all the while his mother had arrived back from the hospital, cooking up dinner. Her bleached hair puffed up into a mess like always as her small eyes carried bags underneath.

Jackson turned towards her directing, eying that she wobbled as she walked.

Jackson stood up, closing his laptop as he slipped next to her and place his hand on her shoulder. “You’ve worked two nights shifts and a day shift to top it off, I’ll make dinner.”

The woman blinked at him slowly, only to place the cutting knife she held for vegetables and sighed “Fine.”

She stumbled towards the table and slumped down on a chair.

Jackson nodded to himself as she already fell to a slumber, and went on to cut the rest of the veggies to use for the last step.

The rice noodles were already being boiled and the chicken breast was already cut. All Jackson had to wait for was the rice noodles to be ready.

 His mother blinked her eyes open as Jackson stirred all of the ingredients together in a wok.

Jackson stirred repetitively for some time until the clattering of plates struck his ears. He turned to see his mother grabbing plates without precaution. Though, he shrugged and laid his eyes down upon the food. “The pancit is ready.” He said as he began serving food to the plate that had been passed to him.

“You’re starting to make better food than me, it took seventeen years.” Her mouth slurred as she spoke as Jackson passed the plate he held to her.

“I’ve been good, besides you passed out immediately once I offered help,” Jackson scoffed.

After gathering their food and utensils, the two sat on the dining table together.

“So how did your day go?”

The light shined above them dimly, and his mother’s voice was weaker than normal.

“Mira dragged me and Finn to the shop. She paid for treats though so I didn’t have to use any money.”

The woman sighed. “Well that’s good. But I’ll pass you some more money by the end of the month.”

Jackson dragged his food around silently. “You know that you don’t have to save for college money now…”

His mother looked down on her plate as she chewed up her meal slowly. As she swallowed, she replied, “I’m just trying to being precautious. My family budget got screwed over for my education around your age.”

“But you still managed.”

“But, I had to work my ass off while you were just a baby.”

Jackson scoffed, “I know, I know. But it isn’t like I’ll be in that situation.”

She sighed, placing her spoon down gently, “Look, I’ve been working enough extra shifts for the hospital to offer me a vacation week. Will that make you a bit happier?”

Jackson took a spoonful of his meal. “Yeah, just rest for the week though. I’ll take care of the house.”

“Thank you, Jackson.”

They continued to eat the meal until Jackson picked up both of the empty plates to wash. His mother meanwhile, sat at the table to have some herbal tea and bread. An array of clean dishes on the other side were waiting to be put back in place, however Jackson’s desire to was barely existent as he washed more things.  

“So, Mom, have there ever been survivors of area deaths that were in the hospital?”

“No, even the news says that no one in those places survived, you’d know that better than me.” Jackson could easily tell with her tone that she was confused.

He replied, “Yeah, but the news gets information wrong sometimes, so it’s always good to gain your own evidence.”

His mother took a sip of her tea. “That’s true. I’m guessing you’re making your own little conspiracy theories again?”

Jackson rolled his eyes with a grin. “No, this situation’s too vague to have a real solution here.” He said while placing a dish to the clean side of the sink.

“Are you going to keep trying to look for clues?”

Jackson groaned, “With how weird this all is, and the situation just getting stranger, I’m not even sure if anyone is gonna get a solid theory to this.”

His mother hummed thoughtlessly, “Well, even the absurd theories end up being true sometimes, so what do you got?” She took a bite of her bread in the process.

Jackson finished up the last dish and turned off the sink. He turned towards his mother with his hands holding the counter behind him. “The closest shot that I have is some artificial virus.”

She eyed him in a tired surprise while saying with bread in her mouth, “And what makes you say that?”

Jackson took a seat across from the woman, stretching his arms while looking at her straight. “Well, if you look at how the area-deaths go. They only happen in a specific location at the moment, and it kills everyone almost immediately. So, what if someone or some people had developed a virus they could activate and spread however they’d like. But at the same time if this were in a, most likely, terrorist perspective, it wouldn’t make sense to just attack specific people out of convenience when they can make mass destruction so easily with that type of destruction. Even more nonsensical that they would guess use this technology on singular people such as the children who’re kept and-… yeah.” He stopped himself from rambling too much.

“Hm, makes sense that this would be tricky. But maybe you should try and see other perspectives on who may have done this if there was someone in action.” His mother stirred her tea as she spoke, spreading the scent of plants and herbs across the room to Jackson’s dismay.

Jackson shrugged. “It’s hard to think of any. This tech would be impossible to create without tons of money or support.”

“With the world nowadays, anything can happen really.” She took another sip of her tea, tipping her head downwards only to get herself back up quickly.

Similar to past nights, Jackson got up to take away her tea and bread. “You’re going to work again tomorrow, right? Go to sleep.”

She blinked until she replied, “Okay, okay. But you’re drinking the rest of that tea for me.”

“That’s fine with me, mom.”

She got up with him as he walked with her to her bedroom.

“Oh yeah,” his mother said whilst slumping herself through the short hallway, “did you have fun with Mira and Finn?”

“Yeah, we talked with Kasen at the shop too, but I was still busy thinking so I spaced out for most of it.”

She softly chuckled, “Of course you did.”

They arrived at her room, all a mess with dirty clothing and mail, and she wobbled her way to fall on her bed. “Night, Jackson,” she said dozily.

“Night, Mom,” he replied as he closed the door with a soft creak.

Jackson walked back to the living room to go back to his laptop. All the while he was in the regular thoughts of a 34-year-old woman working herself exhaustingly for her almost already-independent child.

 ***

 Mirana sat quietly on the floor with her sketchbook while Jackson took notes on his bed for summer homework. As Jackson bored himself with science facts, he noticed Mirana had observed him with her pencil at hand.

He listened to her sketching on her paper as comfort, the pencil tip scratching ever so slightly against the sheets.

“So, what are you drawing now?”

Mirana placed the pencil eraser on her lip, focusing on his position yet again. “Trying to make a sketch of you, but this angle is tricky of course.”

“Why don’t you just move somewhere else to get an easier angle?” Jackson raised his brow, though her answer would most likely be predictable.

She shrugged, “The harder the angle, the more impressive it is to pull it off.”

Jackson typed up a quick fact that he’d forget later. “I still don’t get how people can draw.”

“Well, at least you can take pictures,” Mirana scoffed.

Jackson rolled his eyes. “You just don’t know how to take pictures of people.”

“Adding a filter like you do doesn’t work on everything.” Mirana whined quietly as Jackson turned to his notes again.

They continued doing their own work. And whilst Mirana seemed to have fun in her focus, Jackson began to grow a headache as per usual.

“Hey Mira, are you almost done with your sketch?” He asked.

“Oh, I actually just did. You still have those colored pencils I gave you, right?”

Jackson replied, “You told me to keep them in case you drew here so I left them to die in my closet. Go look there. I’m gonna get some pills.”

Mirana put her sketchbook and pencil, beginning to stand in the process. “’Kay, thanks”

Jackson pushed his laptop aside and got up from his bed. Muttering to himself about not sleep depriving himself before working.

He quickly walked to the living room cabinets, finding headache pills quickly from the last time he left it there. He grabbed the cup of water he’d abandoned from morning breakfast and took the pills with it, having a good chug of the rest of the cup for safe measures. Though as he drank the rest of the cup, thoughts raised through his head.

The quicker I get this work done, the more time I have to relax and… maybe get some money from a job. I’ll look after. It’s starting to get dark though-.  

His surroundings turned grey and silent as he felt a brush on his back in a flash. He choked on his water from flinching, though everything went back to normal the second he coughed it out.

Jackson gasped for air as he stumbled his hands towards the counter edges. He slowly breathed out, “What the hell…” as he stilled to calm down.

“Jackson, you okay?” He turned around to see Mirana by the end of the hallway.

Jackson let go of the counter and answered her. “I just choked on my water a little bit,” he sighed.

The woman crossed her arms and lowered her eyes. “I could hear from the other room. Your walls were thin enough.”

“Of course,” Jackson groaned as he straightened up his t-shirt.

“Have some more water. The pills won’t support your choking bit right there.”

“Sure, sure,” Jackson grumbled as his poured more water from the pitcher.

“So,” Mirana said as Jackson started drinking again, “what made you so startled anyways to that point.”

“It was an accident.”

“Yes, but choking that much by an accident isn’t really that believable.”

Jackson took another gulp of his water. “It was just random chills. I’ll look it up later or something.”

Mirana stayed quiet until she sighed, “Okay then, I’m just gonna go back to coloring.”

She walked back to where she disappeared in Jackson’s eyes. As he turned to look back at the window set on the living room wall. 

The streets were just as lively as ever. Kasen was probably taking a nap during his breakshift of the day, while Finn procrastinated to even read his english books in the first place most likely. Despite his rural beginnings, everything that brought out curiosity and naivety to him had faded into the mundane.  

His mind continued racing until he finished his drink, swifting the glass towards the sink to clean later and going back to his room. 

Though, Jackson opened the door to find his room floor covered in multiple dull colored pencils. He looked ahead to already see a blur of colors in Mirana’s sketchbook.

Carefully, Jackson dawdled to the other side of the room. “You don’t have to throw all the shitty pencils across the room,” he retorted.

Mirana scoffed, “They aren’t shitty. They just aren’t needed for the sketch.”

Jackson rolled his eyes from her ignorance as he sat next to her, getting a better sight of the sketch.

She managed to catch his appearance well, like usual. His light tan-skin was replicated using a simple mix of pencil shades. His eyes squinted smaller than they already were as he focused, which was a usual habit in his defense. Though Jackson noticed his hair was a brown mess, and he subconsciously fixed his hair with his hand as his eyes analyzed the piece some more.

“Goddamnit Mira, it’s good.”

“Thanks, I mainly just colored you but I think I’m gonna move on to an outfit sketch.” She spoke as she turned to the next page, catching some stuck pages out from seemed to be dirt.

“What kind of outfit are you thinking of?”

“Just a thin dress, for when I go out swimming, you know?” She started sketching out lines of the model’s head.

Jackson’s mind swirled about what type of design it’d be, though another question came to mind.

“With how many outfits you made, did you ever consider being a designer or something?”

Mirana scrunched up, tapping her pencil slowly as she slightly hummed. “I’m not really sure yet. I like doing art in general, outfits are kinda just another hobby but I don’t know shit about actual fabric stuff.”

Jackson shrugged as she kept sketching slowly. “Yeah, but you can always learn, that’s what half the internet was made for.”

Mirana chuckled. “Yeah, but I prefer using the other half,” she clicked.

Jackson scrunched his eyes. “If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, get out.”

She snickered as he groaned back onto his own workspace.

“So, Jackson, what are you gonna do when I’m gone for the next two weeks?”

Jackson opened an online textbook, “Oh- Wait, shouldn’t you be packing right now?”

Mirana said, “I already did all of that last night. It was pretty easy.”

“You just stuffed everything you had other than your sketchbook and materials into your luggage without a thought, didn’t you?”

She grinned. “Pretty much.”

Jackson shook his head, “Your car trip’s gonna be around 2 days long…”

“Yeah, but out of anything, all I really need for survival is my sketchbook. Same goes for my music but I always have that so no need to worry.”

Jackson sighed, “Don’t come complaining to me when you don’t know where your swim-suit is.”

Mirana looked up from her sketchbook, “What? I got too focused on something.”

Of course, he thought. His screen became his sight again as he said, “Just don’t die in Massachusetts.”

“You’d probably like it more than me really, colder than here in New York City.”

Jackson smiled. “Trust me, I don’t like anything considering the weather.”

 ***

 “It’s been two weeks. More kids died in their apartments. News is saying that people are starting to move. And at the same time, we still have no idea why this is happening in the first place.”

Finn commented, “There haven’t been anything else like this outside of NYC, so it could be worse.”

Jackson snapped back, “But what if it does get worse?” He slammed down his laptop from the kitchen table, walking off to refill his glass of water from minutes prior.

“Jackson?”

He chugged his cup full down with a vitamin D pill quickly, coughing and wiping his mouth with a sigh as he finished. “What,” he gasped.

 “You’re getting stressed again. Calm down.”

Jackson huffed. “I don’t understand what’s going on anymore. The press would’ve released something weeks ago explaining, but all I get is shitty blogposts.”

He sat at his table again, arms over his head and kicking his long legs back and forth from the stool. “If we keep this up, we’re all gonna die soon enough.”

Finn stood silently, then sat on another stool on the side. He clapped his hands together while taking a breath. “Okay. Jackson, we aren’t gonna die. Out of anything if we see people die, just turn for it until you’re out of the area completely. Maybe try not to breathe, I don’t know.”

“But we still don’t know the main cause, we’re fucked.”

“Jackson, you have to calm down,” he patted Jackson’s back.

Jackson said blankly, “What’ll happen if my mom gets involved?”

“Jackson!” Hands stuck his arms tightly, turning him to face Finn again, who was stricken with concern in his eyes. “You need to stop worrying about this stuff. You should know out of everybody that it’s not good for you.”

Jackson blinked, then replied slowly, “If we stop doing anything, we’ll get nowhere. If we don’t know anything, we’ll get nowhere… We need this.”

Finn sighed, letting him go steadily. He glared at him softly, “Just don’t stress yourself out like that anymore.”

“Don’t worry. I think I’m fine now, I’ll just take some relax pills.” Jackson stood and turned to the cabinet of pills, grabbing a bottle of valerian root pills. He refilled his cup again to take it in.

He finished the cup silently as Finn attempting to make conversation after their talk.

“Huh, that’s a first.”

Finn cocked a brow. “What?”

Jackson said, “I’ve been having these weird chills lately at random, and over half the time it was when I was drinking water. And for the first time in two weeks,” he raised his cup, “I was able to drink an entire cup without getting any.”

“Wait,” Finn asked, “Is that why you’ve been drinking tons of water and choking?”

Jackson nodded, “Yeah, didn’t really like it but I wanted to see how long it’d last. Besides I stay inside so much that I might as well get a lot of hygiene to compensate.”

“Understandable.” Finn went back to his phone. “So, you said that you were hanging out with Mira tomorrow when she comes back, right?”

“Yeah, down at the Amersford park at 2:30.”

“Do you think I can join a bit after? I’ll be like an hour late since I’m gonna hang out with some of the basketball guys.”

Jackson shrugged, “Yeah sure, she’s pretty much just hanging out with us as a way of getting out of unpacking for a bit so the more the merrier.”

Finn chuckled, “Her room’s gonna be a disaster either way so it’s fine.”

“I’ll text her later. But for right now, you’ll go do my math work for me.”

 ***

 Jackson’s phone buzzed while he looked at pop culture news. He picked it up to see Mirana’s name plastered on the phone.

He clicked the green button and answered, “Are you almost here? It’s almost two.”

“We got here earlier than expected, so do you think you can come over now?”

Jackson looked at himself, dressed in a random t-shirt and a pair of boxers yet again. “I can, but I need some time to get ready first.”

“You’re in your boxers again, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Okay I’m just gonna wait with YouTube. See ya soon.”

She hung up right afterwards.

Jackson groaned from his own lack of sleep and got up regretfully. After taking deep breath, he dashed to his drawer and quickly dressed himself. He immediately brushed his teeth in the bathroom, washed up his face, and fixed up his hair. He snatched his newsie-cap and phone to be completely ready to go in the record-time speed of five minutes.

He quietly said goodbye to his resting mother before going off.

Jackson called her again as he started walking to the park.

“Are you out of your house yet?”

“Yeah, I’m on my way.”

“Good, you’re being productive.”

“Unlike you.”

“Shut up”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

“Oh, bye then.”

Jackson hung up the phone as he started to take his ten-minute walk of the week.

 ***

 Just a block away from Amersfort park, and Jackson only struck silence in his ears. He cocked his head to say the least once he noticed.

He walked to the entrance steadily. He found a scent wasn’t of the city’s smoke, which was utmost peculiar causing him to walk quicker.

A thick atmosphere comforted around him as he got closer, and his hand suddenly began to burn but he ignored it during the flashes of monochrome that appeared in his sights, with chills going down his spine continuously.

He got to the entrance, and slowly turned to see what exactly was going on.

His eyes widened to the point where it hurt. His blood ran colder than it had ever been before as his heartbeat sped up faster and faster. His eyes slowly began having forming thick, wet tears that burned against his cold figure.

He couldn’t stop staring at all of messy, bloody bodies that laid before him. The eyes of pain they’d left only made sense with the giant puncture on their bodies.

And what laid across the entrance of the park was dyed-red hair that he could always remember.

Mirana ended up dead in New York City.

Though, as Jackson stood in shock, his eyes caught a black figure standing. It was ginormous, skin wrinkled up to its spine and a black aura surrounding them as well. However, its paws held thick claws that were stained red.

This isn’t real.

The monster turned and saw Jackson.

This isn’t real.

It took a single step towards him.

He could barely think.

He could barely tell reality anymore

However, one single thought formed completely.

Run.

[tails89]

And the next chapter is up!! Hope you guys enjoy!

The world was bright light and heat. Then bitter cold, darkness, and pain.

He was cold, so cold. His bones were frozen brittle things. One wrong move and his whole body would shatter into a thousand fragments of ice.

And then heat. The world was on fire. Flames were licking up his spine. Sparks danced across his forehead and burned behind his eyes.

A dragon sat on his chest. Heavy and warm. Toothless? Where was Toothless?

The blanket lay heavy across his chest, its thick woollen fibres scratching at his skin. Something pressed at his lips, insistent. He turned his head away. There it was again. He was too weak to resist. Something cold and fresh dribbled onto his tongue. It tasted so good and his mouth was so dry.

More water. He drank greedily, choking on the cool liquid. His chest burned with each cough. A thick, sharp smell clogged his nose. He recoiled from it expecting some foul-tasting potion. Instead, hands rubbed soothing circles on his chest as the coughing eased.

The world was fuzzy and indistinct. Someone was speaking but he couldn't make out the words. He was tired, so tired. He wanted to open his eyes, but they were weighed down. He sank back into the darkness.

...

Thirsty. He was so thirsty. Water. He needed water. He called out to anyone that could hear him, shifting on the bed. Calling. Twisting. Reaching.

A cup was held to his lips and a voice was murmuring. Its soothing cadence had a calming effect even if he couldn't understand the words. He tried to gulp down the water, but the cup was removed with what sounded like a gentle reprimand. It returned and he drank more slowly, savouring the taste.

He opened his eyes and a blurry figure slowly sharpened into the shape of a woman.

"Mom?" The word caught painfully, tearing another cough from his throat and he hacked, curled over on his side. Black begins to creep in to the edges of his vision. The woman held placed something on the bed beside them; a bowl with a paste of some kind. Hiccup can smell it, sharp and astringent. It stung his nostrils and he flinched away from the scent.

She dipped her fingers into the paste and made a circling motion. Hiccup didn't have the strength to protest. He let her rub the ointment into his skin and soon his breathing eased. The motion becomes soothing and he can't keep his eyes open any longer.

...

He's warm and comfortable and for the first time since he can remember, Hiccup can draw a breath without pain or discomfort. As he shifted into a more comfortable position he realised he's not wearing anything under his blankets, but right now he doesn't have the presence of mind to feel embarrassed.

Slowly his memories returned. Viggo was unquestionably dead. This time Hiccup cannot bring himself to feel guilty about it. He wondered briefly if he is dead too. No, he decided. He's too uncomfortable to be dead. He's covered head to toe in scratches, bumps and abrasions from his night on the cliff side. His side ached when he moved, when he breathed, Gods, even when he blinked, courtesy of his tumble down the hill. Hiccup can feel the bandages wrapped tightly around his torso.

He had no idea where he was.

As he became more lucid, Hiccup realised that his ability to communicate with his nurse was impeded by a language barrier rather than a muddled head.

He wondered if Astrid and his father were searching for him. He'd left no clue to his destination and he had been dragged so far off course from his original route. If he couldn't figure out where he was, how ever was he going to get home to Berk?

Without Toothless.

Hiccup remembered Viggo's words well. They had been the only clear thing in his mind, replaying in his head over and over as he tossed and turned, burning with fever.

Toothless was gone. Hiccup had lost his best friend.

The sound of footsteps roused him. The woman who had nursed Hiccup back to health entered the room, carrying a bowl of broth. She smiled when she saw him awake. Hiccup tried to return it with a weak smile of his own.

He propped himself up on a shaky arm, wincing when the movement jarred his ribs. The woman put down her tray and helped Hiccup to sit up. She murmured something in her foreign tongue and picked up the bowl, handing it to the young man on the bed.

"Thank you," he croaked, resting the warm bowl in his lap. He ate slowly while the woman bustled around the room. He could hear other voices from further within the house and wondered again where he was and how long he'd been out of it. Hiccup realised that he had no idea how long he'd been gone from Berk.

After a few bites, Hiccup left the spoon sitting in the bowl. The woman came and sat beside him on the bed, encouraging him to eat some more. Sitting and eating had used up his small store of energy. He let his head fall back against the wall, eyes closed.

He felt the bed shift as the woman took the bowl and stood. The floor creaked softly as she stepped out of the room, returning quickly and helping Hiccup to lie back down.

It didn't take long for Hiccup to drift off again.

...

The next few days followed the same pattern.

Hiccup would wake, eat and sleep, slowly building up his strength until his periods of wakefulness grew longer.

The woman would check on him often. Hiccup hadn't seen anyone else since he had first woken, but he could often hear other voices echoing through the house.

There was a gentle knock on the door and the woman entered carrying a pile of clothing. A small child came rushing into the room behind her, chattering excitedly. She stopped, eyes wide when she noticed Hiccup awake, the steady stream of babble dying suddenly on her lips. She ducked behind her mother's skirts, her gaze never leaving Hiccup.

Her mother rolled her eyes at her child's antics. Her tone as she spoke was lightly scolding, but there was amusement in her eyes. The older woman placed the clothing on the bed, and dragged the child from the room.

Hiccup leaned forward, reaching for the fresh clothes on the end of his bed. The movement hurt. It also shifted the blankets, reminding Hiccup of his situation under the covers. What hadn't seemed important earlier, suddenly had him flushing and struggling to pull his tunic over his head. He couldn't raise his arms too high without feeling the strain on his ribs. Biting his lip, Hiccup shoved his arms through the sleeves, grunting in pain and letting the shirt settle.

The pants were easier. He didn't have to reach too far to get them on. Dressed, he sat on the bed, his legs hanging over the side.

A few minutes later there's a soft knock on the door and a head peeked in.

The woman returned, holding a crutch. She placed it against the wall by the bed and held her arms out. She nodded at her hands and spoke in her unfamiliar language.

Tentatively Hiccup reached out to grasp the woman's hands. She counted down slowly, three short words and pulled him to his feet.

He wobbled on a shaky leg. With one hand the woman reached to grab the crutch, passing it to Hiccup. He held it under his left arm, bracing his weight against it.

It was a slow and painful journey through the little house. With the woman's help, Hiccup made it outside to a chair that had been set up in the sun.

Hiccup lowered himself down into it gingerly and let the crutch drop to the ground.

He was exhausted, but the effort it would take to get back to the bed put him off returning. How many days had he already lost sleeping? Hiccup had no idea what day it was now and no way of asking.

It was nice in the sun. It was nice to look around and see something other than a dimly lit wooden cabin. The house sat in a little clearing. Off to the left was forest. Hiccup could see a narrow track winding off into the trees. To the right, the clearing extended down towards the sea. The ocean sparkled in the late afternoon sun.

It reminded Hiccup of Berk.

On the far side of his home was a cliff with the most charming view of the sunset. When they could find the time, Hiccup and Astrid would meet there with their dragons and watch the sun sink into the sea.

Hiccup couldn't imagine a world without Toothless in it. Everyone assumed that the dragon was reliant on the Viking. Hiccup wasn't so sure. If it wasn't for Toothless would there still be peace between Vikings and Dragon's on Berk? Would Hiccup be the man he was today if he hadn't shown the village that the dragons weren't the dangerous vengeful creatures everyone thought them to be. None of that would have been possible without Toothless's help. Yes, Hiccup had shot the Night Fury out of the sky, causing irreparable damage to the dragon's tail. The guilt of it still weighed on the boy, just like he knew the guilt of damaging Hiccup's leg had weighed heavily on Toothless.

Toothless was Hiccup's best friend. His first friend.

And he was gone.

Hiccup sat, lost in thought and staring into space. The young girl wandered out of the house to sit beside him on the grass, a doll clutched in her small hands.

She was talking, babbling with childish excitement as she brandished the toy in Hiccup's face. This got his attention and he pulled himself out of his thoughts.

The words the girl spoke made little sense.

"I'm sorry," Hiccup shook his head. "I don't understand you." He realised that his words were probably just as foreign to the little girl. She couldn't have been more than six or seven. She seemed to take a moment to process Hiccup's words and try and make sense of his speech.

Hiccup had encountered a few languages during his travels. One of the many advantages of training dragons wasat the world the Vikings knew had become a whole lot bigger. They had ventured out further than ever before and met people from all over. Despite that, Hiccup didn't recognise this language as one he knew, though some of the words sounded familiar to ones he had encountered before.

The child repeated the same words over and over. One of them sounded like a name.

"Adeline." Hiccup echoed it back. "Is that your name?"

The girl giggled and ducked her head shyly. She glanced up at Hiccup, waiting.

"Oh, uh…" Hiccup put a hand to his chest. "Hiccup."

She repeated his name.

Hiccup smiled and nodded.

Adeline pointed at his leg and said something. From where she stood by the clothes line, her mother scolded the child. Hiccup guessed what the girl was saying.

"It's okay," he kept his speech normal, even though no one understood him. "It was a dragon. A really big one. It had been terrorising the village." He paused at the lack of comprehension in Adeline's eyes. "Uh," He searched around as saw a stick. He pointed to it. The girl understood this and fetched it. Hiccup drew a picture in the dirt. "Dragon. Rah!" The small child giggled at his impression. "Gobbled it all up."

He drew another picture. "Toothless." He let out a sad breath. "My best friend. He saved me, but I- I couldn't save him."

Though his words were meaningless to them, the signs of grief, it seemed, were universal. Adaline made a small sound and put her doll down. She stood and gave Hiccup a hug. He felt a little awkward being consoled by a child. He wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands.

Adeline pulled away and returned to her game.

Her mother had watched the entire exchange with a critical eye. It made sense. Hiccup was a stranger to this little family. Not that he could hurt any of them, even if he wanted to, he was as weak as a hatchling. He supposed that counted in his favour. What would happen once he was better? Would these people still help him? Why had they even helped him in the first place? How had he come to be with them?

Hiccup had so many questions that he couldn't ask. It was frustrating.

He sat, stewing in his thoughts while Adeline played beside him. Her mother finished with the laundry and helped Hiccup back to his room. The short venture outside had exhausted him and he was more than ready to return bed.

With a few unintelligible words, she left him alone to rest. Hiccup wanted to sleep, but his mind was racing.

He needed to find a way to communicate with the people who had helped him. He needed to find out where he was.

Hiccup needed to find a way to get home.

Hope you enjoyed! Please review!

[weedwaiter45-blog]

Eating For Beauty: 6 Superfoods That Make Your Skin Glow

Hey guys – how is everyone?

I want to talk about something that’s so important. You already know that I always talk about skin care and my favorite products because SKIN IS IN. Always lead with your skin. But what you put IN your body is just as important as what we put ON our body. I feel like we all know this, but I want to get specific.

Don’t be fooled, there is totally a correlation between skin and food. Whether you put that food on your skin or in your body, they can really make all the difference when it comes to the plumpness and dewiness in your skin.

I’m so focussed on skin and food so it’s about time I wrote this post.

Grab some cucumber slices and, as always, let’s get specific and break it down:

Cucumbers

I put cucumber slices on my eyes all the time. They’re mostly water but have tons of vitamin C in them. It really helps soothe the skin and reduce swelling. It’s great for water retention because they’re a diuretic- it’ll really clean you out. If you have a burn, putting a cucumber on it will feel so good and really cool it down. You just can’t go wrong with cucumbers whether you eat them or put them on your skin. Plus, they’re amazing for sunburns or any irritation. You know the classic image of someone at a spa with a towel around their head and cucumber slices on their eyes? – well, that’s because they’re known for reducing lines and wrinkles around the eyes. So slap those cucumbers on your eyes all day long.

Watermelon

Watermelon is also a diuretic which means it’s going to flush you out. Watermelon is full of water, 92% water to be exact. It’s full of potassium, selenium (see below), zinc, and helps promote collagen formation. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t tell you guys… that I actually eat the rind. People think it’s inedible but it’s not, SO don’t throw away the green part of the watermelon! I think it tastes good and it’s totally edible and good for you. Trust me on this. Oh, and watermelon is filled with tons of amino acids and has blood-building chlorophyll which is great for circulation.

Avocados

Obviously healthy fats are so great for the skin. We all know that I feel? Avocados are full of vitamin C & E, and really keep your skin flexible and moisturized. I like to eat at least a tablespoon of avocado a day. I put a bit on a GG cracker or in a smoothie.

Walnuts

Nuts are another healthy fat that are so good for skin. They have lots of fatty acids and are rich in Omega 3 & 6. You really don’t want to go overboard with nuts because they can really inflame you. A little handful a day is great. Nuts also contain one of my favorites, selenium. It’s insane for your skin- Selenium actually works with vitamin E to coat your cell membranes in a protective layer. It neutralizes free radicals, soothes redness, and fights inflammation – which we always want. – source

Sweet Potatoes

I love a baked sweet potato. Especially homemade sweet potato fries. This root vegetable is full of antioxidants and vitamin C. Sweet potatoes also have vitamin A & collagen, which is ideal for the skin. It can also decrease sensitivity to the sun – this means less damage from UV rays. Yes please.

Green Tea

This is so great for reducing redness. I like to put a spoon in ice water so it gets super cold, then wrap a wet green tea bag around it. It’s the perfect travel hack. I put it around my eyes and it really improves the elasticity of the skin around your eyes. It tightens too – TIGHT, tight, tight is what we like!

If you like this post, I have SO MUCH skin content on Youtube for you:

♡ morning routine

♡ night routine

♡ facial steaming

Are you as serious about your skin as I am? Spill all the deets.

I am currently in Palm Springs at a wellness festival so make sure you follow along on Instagram – I’m hoping to find lot’s of cool shit for you guys.

See ya tomorrow,

x, lauryn

+ check out why I’m obsessed with lemon.

+ if you’re into skin, you HAVE to checkout podcast episodes 91 & 127 with Dr. Dennis Gross. He really breaks it down.

BEAUTY INSIDE & OUT

<![CDATA[ .yuzo_related_post imgwidth:145px !important; height:145px !important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumbline-height:12px;background:#f4f4f4 !important;color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hoverbackground:#f4f4f4 !important; -webkit-transition: background 0.2s linear; -moz-transition: background 0.2s linear; -o-transition: background 0.2s linear; transition: background 0.2s linear;;color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb acolor:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a:hover color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover a color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo__text--title color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_views_post color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post:hover .yuzo_views_post color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 5px 7px 5px 7px; ]]> Source: https://www.theskinnyconfidential.com/eating-beauty-6-superfoods-make-skin-glow/

[muscleduck8-blog]

Eating For Beauty: 6 Superfoods That Make Your Skin Glow

Hey guys – how is everyone?

I want to talk about something that’s so important. You already know that I always talk about skin care and my favorite products because SKIN IS IN. Always lead with your skin. But what you put IN your body is just as important as what we put ON our body. I feel like we all know this, but I want to get specific.

Don’t be fooled, there is totally a correlation between skin and food. Whether you put that food on your skin or in your body, they can really make all the difference when it comes to the plumpness and dewiness in your skin.

I’m so focussed on skin and food so it’s about time I wrote this post.

Grab some cucumber slices and, as always, let’s get specific and break it down:

Cucumbers

I put cucumber slices on my eyes all the time. They’re mostly water but have tons of vitamin C in them. It really helps soothe the skin and reduce swelling. It’s great for water retention because they’re a diuretic- it’ll really clean you out. If you have a burn, putting a cucumber on it will feel so good and really cool it down. You just can’t go wrong with cucumbers whether you eat them or put them on your skin. Plus, they’re amazing for sunburns or any irritation. You know the classic image of someone at a spa with a towel around their head and cucumber slices on their eyes? – well, that’s because they’re known for reducing lines and wrinkles around the eyes. So slap those cucumbers on your eyes all day long.

Watermelon

Watermelon is also a diuretic which means it’s going to flush you out. Watermelon is full of water, 92% water to be exact. It’s full of potassium, selenium (see below), zinc, and helps promote collagen formation. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t tell you guys… that I actually eat the rind. People think it’s inedible but it’s not, SO don’t throw away the green part of the watermelon! I think it tastes good and it’s totally edible and good for you. Trust me on this. Oh, and watermelon is filled with tons of amino acids and has blood-building chlorophyll which is great for circulation.

Avocados

Obviously healthy fats are so great for the skin. We all know that I feel? Avocados are full of vitamin C & E, and really keep your skin flexible and moisturized. I like to eat at least a tablespoon of avocado a day. I put a bit on a GG cracker or in a smoothie.

Walnuts

Nuts are another healthy fat that are so good for skin. They have lots of fatty acids and are rich in Omega 3 & 6. You really don’t want to go overboard with nuts because they can really inflame you. A little handful a day is great. Nuts also contain one of my favorites, selenium. It’s insane for your skin- Selenium actually works with vitamin E to coat your cell membranes in a protective layer. It neutralizes free radicals, soothes redness, and fights inflammation – which we always want. – source

Sweet Potatoes

I love a baked sweet potato. Especially homemade sweet potato fries. This root vegetable is full of antioxidants and vitamin C. Sweet potatoes also have vitamin A & collagen, which is ideal for the skin. It can also decrease sensitivity to the sun – this means less damage from UV rays. Yes please.

Green Tea

This is so great for reducing redness. I like to put a spoon in ice water so it gets super cold, then wrap a wet green tea bag around it. It’s the perfect travel hack. I put it around my eyes and it really improves the elasticity of the skin around your eyes. It tightens too – TIGHT, tight, tight is what we like!

If you like this post, I have SO MUCH skin content on Youtube for you:

♡ morning routine

♡ night routine

♡ facial steaming

Are you as serious about your skin as I am? Spill all the deets.

I am currently in Palm Springs at a wellness festival so make sure you follow along on Instagram – I’m hoping to find lot’s of cool shit for you guys.

See ya tomorrow,

x, lauryn

+ check out why I’m obsessed with lemon.

+ if you’re into skin, you HAVE to checkout podcast episodes 91 & 127 with Dr. Dennis Gross. He really breaks it down.

BEAUTY INSIDE & OUT

<![CDATA[ .yuzo_related_post imgwidth:145px !important; height:145px !important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumbline-height:12px;background:#f4f4f4 !important;color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hoverbackground:#f4f4f4 !important; -webkit-transition: background 0.2s linear; -moz-transition: background 0.2s linear; -o-transition: background 0.2s linear; transition: background 0.2s linear;;color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb acolor:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a:hover color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover a color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo__text--title color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_views_post color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post:hover .yuzo_views_post color:!important; .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 5px 7px 5px 7px; ]]> Source: https://www.theskinnyconfidential.com/eating-beauty-6-superfoods-make-skin-glow/

[efosa123]

15 Life Hacks for Dog Owners! Pet Care Tips + Tricks | Ariel Hamilton hey guys I'm really excited for today's video because it's about this guy Thanks so this week I'm traveling to Washington with this little guy it's the first time that I'm taking him on an airplane so I've been doing a lot of research on tips and tricks of traveling with dogs so that inspired me to make this video which is a life hacks for dog owners video I'm sharing with you 15 I think there are 15 tips and tricks or life hacks if you will on how to make taking care of your dog a lot easier that sounded weird wait let's rephrase that on how to take care of your dog easier on how to take care of your dog in an easier way this is a lot harder than I thought you guys know what I'm talking about I hope you guys enjoy watching this video make sure you give it a thumbs up if you are a dog owner and these life hacks made your life a lot easier also if you don't have a dog maybe this video will inspire you to get a dog because these little furry guys are pretty great to have around so let's just jump right into this video okay life hack number one keep a lint roller in your glove compartment for quick and easy cleanups you have no idea how many times I on a tube grocery stores just covered in dog fur yeah super embarrassing keep a carabiner on your dog's leash just in case you need to chain them up real quick to a tree or a pillar or whatever for a yummy snack to cool down after running around outside cut up some apples into an ice cube tray and add chicken broth pop them into your freezer and you've got chicken apple ice pops for your pup if you're busy working and your pup wants to play with you get one of those toys with a loop on one end and a ball on the other and put it on your foot it's multitasking at its best to remove dog hair from your couch wet a rubber glove and run it against your cushions to remove dog hair from your carpet run a squeegee along your carpet surface it'll round up all those stray hairs both dog and human to make your dog shampoo last longer and easier to apply fill up a quarter of an empty water bottle with one of those pop-up nozzles with the shampoo then fill the rest up with water then shake it up the diluted shampoo and nozzle makes it easier to spread all over the first so fresh so clean buy a portable water dispenser like this gulpy one for long walks and outings ours is pretty old too the labels peeling off it comes with both a bottle to carry the water in and a convenient little truck for your furry friends drink out of study up on how to perform the Heimlich maneuver and CPR on your dog one time Sampson started choking on a piece of bone so we looked up one of these charts really quick and helped him clears throat it was one of the scariest moments of my life if your dog has some stanky breath sprinkle a little bit of parsley on his food to help freshen them up if you live in a place that snows during the winter apply Vaseline to your dog's paws before you go walking to protect your dog and the salt chemicals if your dog freaks out during thunderstorms try rubbing a dryer sheet on his fur a lot of the time they're freaking out because of the static electricity store your dog food in an airtight container for easy access to keep it fresh and to keep your dog from getting into it if you're a pro at being unorganized and lose things all the time buy a little basket to keep your pups things separate from everything else if you struggle with remembering whether or not you fed your dog that day guilty make a little chart on a piece of whiteboard so you can mark off every time you feed your pup also a quick note the majority of the items I showed you in this video are from the dollar store so not only do these things make your life easier but they're also easy on your wallet I hope you guys like today's video you guys can think of any cool life hacks for dog owners that you didn't see in this video make sure you let me know in the comments below because I'm always looking more tips and tricks on how to take care of the sky a lot easier as if my life doesn't already revolve around this little guy yeah make sure you subscribe to stay updated with our weekly Wednesday videos and but this smash I was taking the best better than that

[theperfectladiesman]

Saiyuki meme part 2

34) What character do you think is least like yourself?

~Probably Ukoku. I’m not a psychopath or sociopath looking to snuff out life and light. And he’s super cunning and manipulative. 

35) What is a shipping you’re not on board with? (Be respectful!)

~I pretty much ship nearly everything under the sun for the most part. Or can at least understand or respect a ship. I ship I wouldn’t really be on board with though would be Li Touten x Nataku. Or Dokugakuji’s mom x Doku/Gojyo. Just not my thing.

36 ) Which Saiyuki character do you think could easily adjust to modern times?

~I’d say nearly all the main cast. I think they’ve all been through so much & they’ve learned to get really good with adapting and rolling with the punches. But if I had to narrow it down, perhaps Goku. Followed closely by Gojyo. They seem the most easy going & quickly accepting & adaptable. Likewise, I think Kougaiji would be one of the ones who would struggle the most perhaps. 

37) What is your favorite quote?

~There’s A LOT of good ones. Seeing as I have the opposite of a photographic memory... I can’t remember what my fav would be. A really good, memorable one though is where Kou overcame Ukoku’s mind control & gave him the whole speech where he wont be controlled again & his friends helped him to the light. Idk, something to that effect. Maybe I’ll come back to this question later after I find the exact lines.

38) Do you binge read the entire series or read selected chapters?

~Usually when I binge read or binge watch, it’s from start to finish on the entire series. If I just want to research something or remember a specific thing, it’s selected chapters.

39) Are you more a fan of Gensomaden Saiyuki or Saiyuki Reload/Gunlock?

~With the anime, Gensomaden. With the manga, its definitely Reload. 

40) Your favorite character became a mythical beast. What would they be?

~This.... is a tough one. If I wanted to take the easy option, I’d say it would be Kougaiji and he’d totally be a dragon. Or if I wanted to be funny, saying Gojyo being a kappa. I could see Hakkai being the male form of a Dryad. But I think my favorite is Sanzo... and the only thing I can think of to liken him to is the Phoenix. Sanzo’s “like the sun” and Phoenix is a sun bird. Phoenix’s rise from the ashes and Sanzo got burned by Kou’s fire and still rose to his feet. 

41) If you HAD to choose a character to die, who would it be?

~Well, this doesn’t say -MAIN- character. I wish I could say Ukoku... that would spare everyone so much misery... but I like the psycho bastard. So...Gyokumen Koushu. Then maybe Kou would get his mom back & he could team up with Sanzo!

42) Would you rather: Have all characters die or Have only one survive

~The question is.... would it be like Goku? Have them forget & then be reunited with the reincarnations? On one hand, it would be nice to have one survive to carry on the memory of everyone who died. But....I feel like there’s something incredibly unfair & cruel about having only one survive... so I guess I’d rather them all die. 

43) If [character] got into a fight with [character] who would win?

~Lol its hard to do these ones when I’m just answering them myself. 

44) What does Gojyo’s marking look like to you?

~I answered this one already, basically, a tribal flame

45) If Sanzo became a demon, what kind of marking do you think he’d have?

~I kinda wanna say something like the youkai Suika. Something small & round on his forehead in place of the chakra. Or it would probably be somewhere more discrete like his back or upper arm, a red color instead of black...idk the shape/design.

46) If [character] died, what do you think they’d be reborn as?

~I think Zakuro would love to be reborn in the golden age (Elizabethanera) cuz that’s when theatre, music, poetry & literature flourished. Perhaps Kougaiji/Hazel in the Victorian age and Ukoku in the Edwardian era... I know that’s not what the questions asking, but it is interesting to think diff era’s you’d put them in. 

47) After the journey, what do you think [character] will be doing?

~Hmm... I’ll just stick with Gojyo for this one. Assuming he’s still alive after the journey. I think he’d stick with Hakkai. (grudingly)Helping out around the shop if Hakkai worked/owned a shop. I could see Gojyo maybe being a bar tender or an escort/host... or whatever those equivalents are in the Saiyuki era, or just keeps raking in money with his gambling while being domestic with Hakkai.

48) If [character] had a tumblr, what would they reblog?

~This one’s a fun question. I think if Gojyo had a tumblr, the majority would reflect the 3 things he likes most- women, booze, and smokes. Probably sprinkle in some selfies of himself being all sexy, cheesy pick up lines and puns, maybe some crude jokes, more scantily clad women, and gambling tips. Then there’s probably some stuff he’d reblog for the sake of Sanzo,Hakkai, and Goku if they had tumblr as well. Monkey posts to tease Goku, life hacks for Hakkai, & random stuff that would piss off Sanzo. Probably jokes about cranky old men or something. 

49) What is your favorite animated scene?

~umm.... idk... all of Gaiden?

50) [Character]; Boxers, briefs, or commando?

~I feel like Gojyo would have an occasion for all three. Briefs when he’s planning to get with a lady or impress. Boxers when he’s lounging with the boys. And sometimes commando, mainly when sleeping if he has his own room. 

51) What 3 or more tropes fits your favorite character?

~ummm.... running gag, ship tease, and funny moments. (gojyo)

52) What are 3 tropes that describe [character]?

~fiery redhead, the alcoholic, and jerk with a heart of gold (gojyo)

53) If Saiyuki got a 4th series, what would it be called?

~Well now that there is a 4th season coming out... Saiyuki Reload Blast XD (now we just need an Ibun OVA!!!)

54) If your favorite character could control an element, what would it be?

~Fav charater’s always been between Sanzo and Kougaiji... though recently I often wonder if it’s not Hazel now. I think Lightning suits Sanzo. Fire for Kou. And Ice for Hazel. Earth for Goku & Hakkai. Wind for Yaone.

55) Was there a character you used to love but no longer do?

~I dont think so actually. I think everyone I love I still do and everyone I hate I still do. 

56) What has been the saddest moment for you in the series?

~Yakumo’s death. Yakumo’s whole chapter arc.  And the end of Gaiden.

57) What is your favorite anime/manga genre?

~Psychological thriller/horror (but I also like romance & action & drama)

58) Name 5 other characters you like along with your fav Saiyuki character.

~Spike Spiegel, Axel, Seto Kaiba, Zelos Wilder, Alvin Svent, and Snow Villiers

59) Do you prefer subbed or dubbed anime?

~Dubbed. But most of the time subbed is 100 x’s better... obviously.

60) Did you watch the anime first or read the manga?

~Gensomaden anime came first.

61) Do you seek out spoilers or avoid at all cost?

~I avoid them at all cost, most of the time. Unless it’s something I’m not planning to watch or read.

62) Do you write fan fics or draw fan art? If so, link!

~I do, on both accounts. I don’t have any Saiyuki fanfics though. If anyone really want links, I’ll send them privately in IM’s. My Saiyuki fanart can all be found on my blog. Other fan art of diff fandoms is on DA. I only have a couple of completed fanfics on fanfiction.net... most of my work isn’t finished so that’s not really worth linking, I wouldn’t think.

63) What was the most pointless filler in the anime?

~I can’t really think of anything... maybe the sauna one where Goku thinks Sanzo turns into a demon. Or the kitty one. Don’t get me wrong, I loved both those episodes... but in regards to the plot, they don’t contribute a thing. 

64) How do you describe Saiyuki to a friend who has never heard of it?

~Four guys travel west to stop the resurrection of a demon lord. Um... there’s lots of humor and action. It’s amazing. It’s.... kinda gay without actually being gay.

65) If you RP what is your favorite thing to Roleplay?

~answered this one~

66) What is your favorite Saiyuki Opening or Ending for the animes?

~The opening for Gaiden is very gorgeous, perhaps that one <3

67) What’s something you think would improve the series?

~HAVING MORE MANGA TRANSLATED AND PUBLISHED HERE IN AMERICA! And bring back some minor characters, that’d be cool to see.

68) Who, in your opinion, has the most tragic backstory?

~Geez... that’s like comparing a life time of stomach issues to someone who has a life time of mental illness... both are equally tragic. If I HAD to pick.... Yakumo.... I’m just gonna go with Yakumo. Technically, it’s not really a backstory but what’s he was presently doing. Having such a kind, soft heart... wanting nothing more but to save, shelter, and raise youkai kids... and choosing to kill them when they go berserk, perhaps with the whole mentality of ‘kill a few to save the whole’. It’s so tragic. Other than that, I can’t choose 1 over the other for tragic back stories cuz everyone has it equally bad in some way. 

I guess I can say the tie would be between Gojyo, Sanzo, Hakkai, Goku, Dokugakuji, Hazel, and Nataku.

69) Who would be best at pleasing their lover?

~It kinda depends on what said lover wants most our of their partner and if it’s true love or a fling. If they both knew what they were doing, Goku & Kou would be very thorough, patient, and thoughtful lovers. Gojyo would be best at bringing the skill/pleasure in a pure sexual aspect. Hakkai’s difficult to pin down. He’d be gentle with the same qualities I listed for Gok/Kou.... but he’d have this wall up at the same time. Sanzo... just probably wouldn’t be the best, if he got intimate at all to begin with. Hazel’s so... antagonistic. I’ll just go with Gojyo or Dokugakuji. 

70) What do you think Saiyuki would be like if Kougaiji and co were the main protagonists? Do you think you’d still enjoy it? 

~A lot less humor and more dark because it would be more from the ���villains” POV. Kou’s kinda angsty. I don’t think Saiyuki would be as well recieved and loved from Kougaiji’s & co’s pov... and there’s several characters we might have missed out on.... but I think it’s something I would still really enjoy. If its written by Kazuya Minekura, she’d make it amazing regardless. 

71) What minor character had a significant impact on the plot?

~I think that would have to be Hazel Grouse.

72) On a scale from 1 - 10, 1 being not much and 10 being too much, how much does Saiyuki Gaiden hurt you?

~TEN

73) What character is still a mystery to you?

~Perhaps Koumyou or Ukoku (maybe even Yaone in the sense that we kinda know next to nothing about her... that I can recall). But with Koumyou especially, both of them are just so complex & different than I am that they’re difficult for me to understand. 

74) What is the funniest moment in the series?

~It really says something about how much a perv I really am if the very first scene that pops into my mind after thinking about what my fav moment could be is.... Gojyo & Goku wrestling & arguing on the bed and that lady walks in & thinks they’re doing, or about to do, something naughty. Oddly, I Really like the scene where Gojyo mimics Sanzo too. 

75) Who is your favorite minor character?

~Hazel or Banri or Zenon ...... Yakumo & Zakuro are p great too

76) Which character has had the most growth?

~I think that would have to be Goku

77) Which character needs more development?

~hmmmm........Lirin maybe? 

[gethealthy18-blog]

2018 Ultimate Holiday Gift Giving Guide (For Everyone on Your List!)

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2018 Ultimate Holiday Gift Giving Guide (For Everyone on Your List!)

I don’t know about you, but this time of year can be a little hectic for me! With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and several family birthdays, there is a lot to plan and a lot of gifts to wrap. We try to stick to experiences instead of stuff as much as possible (here are some of my best ideas), especially with our own kids, but also usually give one physical gift per family member.

Also, for extended family and close friends that we don’t live close enough to share experiences with, we send small gifts as well. I know it seems early, but I try to get my shopping done now so that I can savor and enjoy the holidays while knowing gifts are already wrapped!

This holiday gift guide is a compilation of the best gifts we’ve ever received and the ones that are favorites to give. As much as possible, all these gifts are eco-friendly and limit plastic whenever possible. They are also natural, organic, and health-promoting.

My Natural + Eco-Friendly Gift Giving Guide!

I’ve included my favorite gifts for every member of the family, age group, and interest level, so keep scrolling if you need ideas for a specific family member. They go in rough age order (adults down to babies) and then special interest gift ideas are below that (for the chef, the grandparents, white elephant gifts, etc).

Important: Please note that many of the links in this guide are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase through these links, the price will be the same for you and I’ll receive a small commission that helps support my blog and my family. Many thanks!

Gifts for Mom (That She Won’t Just Pretend She Loves)

As a kid, we always got my mom new kitchen gear and equipment as gifts. I remember feeling a little guilty because my brother and I got toys and fun gifts, and I always thought she got the short end of the stick just getting kitchen items that she used for us. Then, I became a mom myself and developed a love for cooking, and now I get just as excited about new kitchen essentials. This list includes some of the best practical gifts for moms, as well as some pampering and relaxing ones!

Amazon Prime Membership – Get free 2-day shipping on many items, plus free streaming music and movies.

or Real Plans Membership – My biggest time saver – this plans all of my meals and shopping lists and can handle allergies, bulk prep day and more!

Shiatsu Massage Pillow – Seriously rivals an actual massage for half the price!

Hydroflask Water Bottle – The water bottle I use that keeps water cool (or hot) for days!

Complete Facial Kit – Amazing facial oil with the highest quality ingredients and no junk!

RTIC Tumbler – Great for hot or cold drinks.

Wake-up Light Gentle Alarm Clock – Wake up gently to gradual light and sound

Himalayan Salt Lamp – Soothing warm orange glow at night from these beautiful lamps.

Blue Blocker Glasses – I wear these after dark for better sleep (some studies show that avoiding blue light after dark helps melatonin levels).

Sleep Master Sleep Mask – Great for travel – a sleep mask that is actually comfortable!

10,000 Lux Happy Light – Feel blue in the winter? I use this super-bright light to keep my cortisol levels healthy.

Anything Le Creuset – Incredible (but pricey) dishes. I’ve been collecting a few pieces over the years and resisting the urge to buy it all!

Microwaveable Slippers – Does someone you love always get cold? These slippers have microwaveable pads that stay warm.

Dry Brush – Brushing isn’t just for hair and teeth. Brushing skin can help it stay smooth, supple, and may improve collagen.

Low EMF Hair Dryer – Did you know that hairdryers produce a lot of EMFs?

French Press Coffee Maker – Make wonderful coffee with this classic method.

Instant Pot – Revolutionize dinner! This electric pressure cooker makes roasts in about an hour and turns tough cuts of meat into deliciously tender meals.

Grown-up Coloring Book and Markers – Coloring isn’t for kids anymore and studies show it may reduce stress levels. Try a “grown-up coloring book.”

Kokomo Cream Organic Deodorant – This natural deodorant smells like the tropics and lasts for months.

A good book – Just off the top of my head… maybe The Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox or The Wellness Mama Cookbook? 🙂 Ok, I’m biased, but it’s a great way to have all of the best recipes and health hacks on the site at your fingertips.

Blackout Curtains – Even a little light can interfere with sleep quality. We use blackout curtains to keep our room really dark.

Wine Bottle Tiki Torch – Upcycle old wine bottles with these adorable tiki-torch kits.

Gifts for Dad (No Ties or PJs on This List)

I’ve always had the most difficult time finding good gifts for the men in my life, especially my husband. He has incredibly high standards for products and prefers really high-quality items that last forever. These have been some of his favorite gifts in recent years and they might be perfect for the guys on your list too. (Also, check the lists below for more specific ideas for dads who travel a lot or who love the outdoors!)

Magnetic Wrist Band – Holds nails and screws for the handyman!

Fire Starter Kit – Useful tool to start fires without matches or a lighter.

Blue Blocking Glasses -These glasses help reduce eye fatigue from computers and reduce blue light for better sleep.

Lifestraw or Sawyer Water Filter – Survival water filter that fits in your pocket.

Comfy Slippers – My husband loves these slippers he got a couple of years ago.

Heat Proof BBQ Gloves – For the man who likes to grill, these gloves will protect his hands.

Smart Wool Socks – Warm but not sweaty and they keep feet dry. Great for hiking or everyday use.

Surefire Flashlight – High quality and super bright pocket flashlight.

Wine Aerator – Pour wine through this to improve flavor.

30-day Lantern for Camping – A really long lasting lantern for the outdoorsman who loves to camp.

Esse 3 Knife – Really high-quality multi-use knife.

Saddleback Leather Wallet – This wallet has a 100-year warranty!! (yes, really!)

Quality Shaving Kit OR Beard Oil– Great options for the clean-shaven or bearded man in your life!

RTIC Insulated Tumbler – This insulated large mug keeps things cold for up to 24 hours and hot for up to 12.

Hydroflask Insulated Water Bottle – Insulated water bottle that keeps water cold for days.

Backjoy Seat – Does your guy sit a lot? This may help improve posture and alleviate tension in the back.

Defender Phone Case or Tablet Case – Protect him from EMFs when using electronics.

Tactical Pen – More than just a pen, it works in all conditions and can break a car window if a person is trapped.

ENO Hammock – Portable hammock that fits in a small bag and is great for travel and camping.

Tactical Backpack – For the outdoorsman, this bag holds everything he could need.

Tool Pen – Available in hex and mini-tools for easy use.

Whiskey Stones – Freeze these rocks to use in place of ice in drinks “on the rocks.”

Gifts for Older Kids & Teens

My older kids have gotten harder to shop for, but these gifts all got their seal of approval!

Buddha Board – A relaxing way to paint with just water (it evaporates and you can paint again).

Leather Journal – A beautiful leather journal for sketching or journaling.

Japanese Puzzle Box – These beautiful puzzle boxes are a unique way for older kids to keep valuable items safe and fun to learn.

Rubix Cube (or Giant Rubix Cube) – The 1980s called, but we told it we are keeping the Rubix Cube. Older kids love learning to solve this.

Star Wars Legos – Popular among big kids and teens with dozens to choose from.

Build Your Own Programmable Robot Kit – A favorite with my oldest. Build a robot and program it!

Grown-Up Coloring Books – Coloring isn’t just for little kids anymore. These “adult coloring books” are very detailed and studies show that coloring is relaxing.

Boogie Board – Reusable board that encourages doodling and drawing.

Kindle Fire – An affordable tablet with a lot of capabilities.

Runaway Alarm Clock – Does your teen have trouble waking up? This alarm clock runs away and keeps making noise until caught!

Natural Makeup Brushes – If your teen is old enough to wear makeup, these natural brushes are great!

Power Cube Wall Adapter – Surge protector and charges multiple devices at once.

Collapsible Duffel Bag – Great bag for short trips that collapses to a tiny size.

Minnetonka Chrissy Boots (for teenage girls) – Super comfy boots!

Cash inside a Money Maze Puzzle Box – Give money so they can get what they like, but make it fun by hiding it inside this puzzle cube.

No Crease Ponytail Holders – These are really popular right now. They are gentle on hair and don’t leave a crease!

Travel Hammock – Have an outdoorsy teen? These travel hammocks collapse small and are awesome.

Pocket Strings Guitar – A fun way to learn guitar! Fits easily in a backpack.

Gift Ideas for Younger Kids

There are certainly the most options to choose from when looking for gifts for children, but I’ve found that many are lower-quality plastic items that break easily and release harmful endocrine disrupting chemicals into the home or that only facilitate one activity. These are a few of the gifts I’ve found in recent years that have survived the durability test of our house and that the children have enjoyed the most:

Gym 1 Indoor Doorway Gym – Our kids’ favorite Christmas gift of all time. It is a gym that mounts in a door frame and they use it every day.

Snap Circuits – Really neat kit that lets kids learn about electricity by building different types of basic machines like a fan, a radio, etc.

Art Kit – A favorite among our girls. This kit contains markers, paints, colored pencils, and more.

Seedling Wooden People kit – Kids can create mini wooden people.

Mini Trampoline for Indoor Play – We’ve had a trampoline in our house for years and it is great for cold or rainy days. Rebounding (bouncing) is also great for adults!

Wooden Twig Colored Pencils – Wooden colored pencils made from twigs. Good size for younger kids just learning to write and draw.

Wooden People and Craft Supplies – Our kids loved making their own little wooden dolls with these.

Plasma Car – Our little kids love these and they are great for kids of all sizes.

Natural Paints – Made from natural earth pigments.

Design Your Own Superhero Cape – A fun activity that encourages creativity and is great for imaginative play.

Microscope Kit – My oldest loved looking at hair, dirt, and all kind of other things in this microscope.

Crayon Rocks – Portable and fun for littles who still have trouble with regular crayons.

Or Beeswax Crayons – Triangular crayons made of natural beeswax.

Doll House – Fits Barbie size dolls and other smaller dolls.

Stainless Steel Play Kitchen Pots and Pans – My daughters play kitchen with these for hours!

Beginner Piano Keyboard (and free Hoffman Academy Lessons) – These are a great way to get the kids started with music.

Boogie Board – A reusable writing tablet that encourages creativity.

Sun Art – Fun educational craft idea that kids love.

Kendama Game – Fun interactive game that encourages movement.

Gifts for Babies (and Expecting Parents)

There are literally thousands of options for gifts for babies, but many of them contain endocrine disrupting plastics or will just never get used. With over a decade of parenting and six kids, these are the gifts, toys, and gear that made the cut for us.

Pregnancy Affirmation Cards – I love these sweet cards that encourage pregnant moms!

Organic Mattress Cover – Protect baby from mold and allergens in mattresses.

Organic Cotton Crib Sheet – Soft organic sheet for crib.

Organic Muslin Swaddling Blankets – My favorite blankets that are perfect for swaddling or nursing.

Snot Sucker – Not as gross as it sounds and a lifesaver if baby is sick!

Baby Bouncer – This bouncer actually bounces! Rock with a foot to keep baby asleep.

Food Grade Silicone Fruit Teethers – A favorite with my 9-month-old!

Hape Wooden Toys – I love these high-quality wooden toys!

Ergo Organic Baby Carrier – A great organic baby carrier that is comfortable for mom or dad too!

Sophie the Giraffe – This teething toy has a passionate following with the under-one-year crowd!

Fleece Newborn Booties – Babies always manage to lose socks, but these stay on and keep toes warm!

Manhattan Toys Rattle and Clutching Toy – Little ones love this engaging wooden toy.

Natural Rubber Orthodontic Pacifier – For babies who will take a pacifier, try this natural rubber option.

Baltic Amber Teething Necklace – May help soothe teething pain.

Manhattan Toys Circle Toy – A beautiful and fun toy that baby love to play with.

Natural Rubber Teething Toy – The only toy my baby prefers to my finger when teething gets bad.

Organic Cotton Teether – An organic cotton and wood teething toy option.

Shea Moisture Baby Wash and Lotion – Fabulous smelling baby wash and lotion without the junk!

Animalz Wooden Animal Toys – Adorable and durable wooden animal toys.

Gifts for the Chef or Foodie

Does someone in your life love to cook (or eat)? These gifts make spending time in the kitchen so much fun!

Stainless Steel Coffee Percolator – No plastic, no junk, just awesome coffee that stays warm for hours in this all-stainless percolator.

Blendtec or Vitamix – both are amazing blenders that will last for years!

Stainless Steel Immersion Blender – Great for sauces, smoothies, blending things in a pot or pan and so much more.

Yogurt Maker – Homemade yogurt tastes so much better than store bought and is simple to make.

Ice Cream Maker – Make any kind of ice cream: dairy-free, sugar-free, etc.

Lead-free Crock Pot – A great slow cooker with a lead-free crock.

Instant Pot – This electric pressure cooker has almost replaced our slow cooker and I use it at least three times a week.

Crinkle Cutter – So the kids can help cut food for meals.

Stainless Steel Bowls – Great for mixing, serving, and storage.

Spiral Slicer – Make vegetables into noodles with this spiral slicer.

Stainless Steel Straws – Replace disposable straws forever with these steel straws.

Huck Towels – Similar to the towels they use in emergency rooms… these towels are super absorbent, great for cleaning and easy to wash.

Mason Jars + Cuppow Lids + Sprouting Lids – Use mason jars for cups and the opportunities are endless.

Kombucha Brewing Supplies – Do you drink kombucha? If so, do you make your own? It is so much better and the flavors are endless.

Dehydrator – Preserve foods with a stainless steel dehydrator.

Xtrema Cookware – Scratch-proof ceramic pans.

Bamboo Utensils – These inexpensive bamboo utensils are great for cooking.

Stainless Steel Large Baking Dish – These have been a lifesaver when cooking for large get-togethers with family and friends.

Glass Electric Tea Kettle – Make tea in seconds with this glass electric tea kettle.

Salt Block for Cooking – I love cooking fish, meat and even baked goods on a salt block for amazing flavor.

Premium Milk Frother – If you want to spring for an unusual (and more pricey) gift, this milk frother makes coffee shop worthy froth for coffee.

Organic Spice Set – These super high-quality organic spices (from my favorite olive oil makers) are beautifully packaged and come in ready-made blends like Smoky, Tex-Mex, Savory, Taco, Bagel, and more to make flavorful cooking easy.

Gift Ideas for the Grandparents

Our parents both live nearby and are involved in our kids’ lives. I always struggle with what to get them that somehow says “thanks for everything you did for me all of those years and thanks for being just as awesome with my kids.” We usually give them something handmade from the grandkids, but these are some other ideas that have been a hit. (Some of these are also ideas for this year, so Mom, if you’re reading this … don’t read past here. 😉 )

Amazon Prime Membership – What my parents are getting this year (don’t tell them!). This gives them free 2-day shipping on many items and free streaming of many movie and music.

Photo Frame – This photo frame was a hit a few years ago with our parents. No fancy motion detectors, wi-fi, bluetooth or anything else that can stop working.

Kindle Fire – My brother got my mom a Kindle a couple of years ago and she uses it quite a bit.

Terracotta Plant Waterer – Perhaps not the most fancy of gifts, but very practical for anyone with house plants (I just ordered some). It upcycles a glass bottle to water a plant for weeks.

Wine Subscription – If your parents are wine-drinkers, they will love this wine subscription box of organic biodynamic wines.

Royally Flawless Face Oil – Ditch all the overpriced anti-aging creams out there. This oil uses high-quality ingredients for real results.

Shiatsu Massage Pillow – I got this for my mom last Christmas and she uses it all the time.

Glass Electric Tea Kettle – For tea-drinkers, this electric glass tea kettle makes tea available almost on demand.

Instant Pot – The grandparents love it for all the reasons we love it- faster and more nutritious meals!

The Grandparent Book Journal – A sweet way to encourage kids and grandparents to spend time together and a beautiful keepsake of family history.

Or anything on the lists above that they will love!

“Just in Case” Gifts

These inexpensive gifts are great to have on hand for when someone drops by with a gift or to take to party hosts. I keep several of these wrapped to give when someone brings a gift by unexpectedly:

Electric Wine Bottle Opener – A fun way to open up a bottle of wine.

RTIC Tumbler – Great for keeping drinks hot or cold while on the go.

Bottle of Wine – We have a subscription to these delicious biodynamic wines, so I always have an extra bottle on hand.

Grocery Bag Carrying Handles – They make carrying all those bags of groceries a lot easier!

Bag of Organic Coffee – Who doesn’t love coffee, especially when it’s organic and fair trade?

Hario Mizudashi Cold Brew Iced Coffee Pot/Maker – I’m a big fan of cold brew coffee and this is a great way to make it.

Car Diffuser – Keep the car smelling great all year long!

Mason Jar Solar Light – Add some beautiful ambiance to any room with these solar lights.

Mason Jar with Drinking Lid – Ditch the plastic and drink out of old-school mason jars!

Funny Gifts for Dirty Santa and Gift Exchanges

These are some of my favorite funny gift ideas for dirty santa or white elephant gift exchanges. Sure to get lots of laughs!

Toilet Light – For those night time bathroom trips.

Nap Sack Prank Box – Take a nap anywhere with this hood.

Prank Pack Crib Dribbler – A fun prank for baby someone with a baby.

iDrive Prank Pack – This is just hilarious!

“You Parked Like An Idiot” Cards – I think my husband would actually use these!

Slipper Genie Mopping Slipper – This might actually get my kids to help sweep the floor more often.

The Obsessive Chef Cutting Board – For the OCD chef.

Pooping Pooch Calendar – Yep, it’s exactly what you picture… perfect (or awful?!) for the dog lover in your family!

Banana Slicer – If you’re going to eat bananas, why not slice it correctly?

Cards Against Humanity – These are incredibly irreverent, but will have you on the floor laughing for hours.

Maybe Swearing Will Help Coloring Book and Markers – For the potty mouth (or clean mouth?) in your life 🙂

Family Gifts & Outdoor Fun Gifts

If you’re like us and often choose family gifts that the whole family can enjoy (or enjoy better health because of), you might love these options. This list also includes outdoor activity gifts that we use and love.

Sauna – This is one gift that will have long-lasting health benefits. It isn’t an inexpensive gift, but one that family can enjoy all year.

Joovv Light – Like the sauna, this gift also brings the benefit of boosting health. Red light therapy is well-studied for its skin and mitochondria benefits and this is one of my favorite parts of my daily routine.

Rapid Release – Like a chiropractor and a massage therapist built into one. This device is designed to release muscle tension and it works! I love this thing.

Myobuddy – A percussive heated massager that targets muscle and fascia. A lot of people use this for cellulite, I just use it for relaxation and fascia massage.

Wholetones Music Subscription – Uses soothing music with targeted sound frequencies to induce health benefits like stress reduction, focus, sleep… and yes, it works even for kids! I love this one too because it isn’t a physical item to store around the house.

Organic & Natural Mattresses – This was our gift to each other one year and we love our mattress. We have an Intellibed and love it, but My Green Mattress is also a great option and not as pricey.

Natural Cookware – I got some of this cookware for Christmas years ago and have been using it since then!

Matching Organic Jammies –  Switching to organic PJs is one way to reduce chemical exposure from clothing by half and these organic jammies are our favorites.

A Year of Wine – I love wine, but most wine is contaminated with chemicals and additives. Hubby and I give each other natural wine from Dry Farm Wines.

Trampoline – Not just for kids when you consider the lymphatic benefits of jumping!

Swing – Our kids love this backyard swing and they can all fit on it!

Slackline – Like a balance beam and trampoline in one. It encourages balance and coordinating and is hours of fun.

Ninjaline – Like monkey bars but tougher. A lot of people use these for Ninja Warrior training, but our kids just think it is fun!

Natural Beauty & Home Gifts (Ones to Buy or DIY)

Home & Beauty to DIY

I love receiving homemade gifts and making them for others. I have hundreds of DIY recipes and tutorials on the blog, but the ones on this list make the best gifts. These are especially perfect for stocking stuffers!

Home & Beauty to Buy

If you aren’t into the DIY options, here are some great store-bought alternatives:

Lotion Bars – If you’d like lotion bars similar to my recipes, but that you don’t have to make yourself, check out Made On, a small, family-owned company that makes all kinds of lotion bars, soaps, natural baby products, and hair products that are up to my standards. If you use the code WELLNESSMAMA, you’ll get a 15% discount on your order!

Alitura Skincare – Alitura uses organic botanicals and superfood ingredients to nourish the skin. This is serious skincare with the works: clay masks, intensive moisturizers, derma rollers, and more. Use the code WELLNESS for 20% off!

Toups Organics (Makeup & Beauty) – Heather of Mommypotamus introduced me to this line and they have an incredible line of clean cosmetics, lotions, and even a baking-soda free deodorant for sensitive types.

Crunchy Betty Facial Serum & Natural Deodorant: Mentioned before, but I can’t say enough about them.

Branch Basics Cleaners – I know I’d be happy to find some all-natural cleaning products (I don’t have to make) under the Christmas tree.

Vibrant Blue Oils – Wildcrafted and organic essential oil blends made to support specific health conditions. Use the code WELLNESSMAMA10 to get 10% off through December 31st.

Magnesium Oil – Spray on for relaxation, detox support, even deodorant!

Homebiotic Spray – Like a probiotic for your home, this freshens air by targeting the source of bad smells… bacteria and mold.

Genexa OTC Medicines – So much of what goes in children’s medicine is just flavors, dyes, preservatives, and fillers. Genexa is the first to come up with a line of over the counter and homeopathic medications completely free of all unnecessary additives. I give these to my kids for colds, coughs, fevers, or even just a bad night of sleep, and they’ve worked great for us.

Kid-Safe Essential Oil Roll-Ons – For sleep, headaches, cold relief, and more, without having to worry about negative side effects.

There’s probably a lot more that could be added to this list, but these are my current favorites. If you still haven’t found the perfect gift on this list, Heather shares all of her favorite natural gifts here.

What is on your Christmas list this year? What are you getting for friends and family?

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/25195/gift-giving-guide/

[flauntpage]

DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: This KHL player – This is technically from last week, but qualifies for this week's list due to the time zone difference.

The second star: The Travelling Jagrs add a member –

You've seen these guys before. They're a roving pack of Jagr impersonators who represent every one of the star's many stops around the hockey world. Now that he's in Calgary they need a new member, and the auditions seem to be going well.

The first star: Nathan Walker's butt makes history– He's the first Australian to ever play in the NHL, which earned him a call from the prime minister, during which he awkwardly had to talk about his own butt until the PM said "Well that's fantastic."

Bonus points to the Australian ambassador to the U.S., who shows up as a supporting character in this story and somehow has this actual name.

Be It Resolved

The first week of the season featured plenty of impressive performances, some of which even closed in on all-time records. In fact, you probably got pretty used to seeing stats like this:

Or this:

Or this:

And eventually, you probably stopped and went: Wait, what the heck was going on back in 1917?

You wouldn't be alone. The NHL has this weird thing about its history. The league has been around for 100 years, as they're constantly reminding us this season. But for the most part, they tend to ignore the first quarter-century or so and just skip right to the Original Six era starting in the 1940s. Plenty of casual fans have no idea that there were once teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates and St. Louis Eagles and Hamilton Tigers, and unless you're Dick Beddoes you don't know about Joe Malone and other stars of those early years. To hear the league tell it, history basically begins when Gordie Howe and Maurice Richard showed up, and everything before that was some sort of warmup.

And then we see all these stats show up this week, and you think "Gee, the 1917 version of the NHL sounds fun as hell."

I think the league should embrace this. Ideally, they'd do that by marketing their entire history, not just three-quarters of it, but that ship has sailed. The league has spent decades making it clear that they don't want to do that, so I'm not going to bang my head against a wall.

No, I think the league should go in the other direction. So be it resolved, the NHL needs to start making stuff up about the 1917-18 season.

It's a perfect opportunity. Nobody knows anything about what was going on back then anyway, so you may as well have fun with it. The NHL should just start dropping random "facts" about their inaugural season and see how long it takes everyone else to catch on. Stuff like:

In 1917, it was a minor penalty for a goaltender to let his skates touch the ice.

There were five pucks on the ice at all times, but you could only score with the one that had bees inside it.

Player awarded an automatic penalty shot any time an opposing goaltender made a save.

The league only started with only four teams, but quickly dropped to three because one of the arenas burned down. (Wait, that one is actually true.)

Goalies wore full face masks, but they were made out balsa wood and didn't have eyeholes.

Jaromir Jagr won rookie of the year.

Literally everyone involved was drunk at all times. (Also probably true.)

Have some fun with it, NHL. You've never told us anything about that first season before, so you've got a blank canvas to work with. Don't let it go to waste.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

While Walker is the first Australian-trained player in league history, he was born in the UK, meaning there has still yet to be an Australian-born NHLer. According to the hockey-reference.com database of player birthplaces, that leaves 16 countries that have produced one and only one NHL player. That includes this week's obscure player: Willi Plett.

Plett was born in Paraguay to Soviet parents but raised in Ontario, where he didn't start playing organized hockey until he was nearly in his teens. He was a big kid who could also play, and he was picked in the fifth round of the 1975 draft by the Atlanta Flames. He debuted that year, playing four games, then scored 33 goals as a rookie in 1976-77 to win the Calder. He'd top that with 38 goals in the team's first year in Calgary in 1980-81, a season that saw him become the first player to ever have that many goals and at least 230 PIM. (He's since been joined in that club by eight other players.)

He was traded to the North Stars in 1982 because in those days, everyone who could fight had to serve some time in the Norris Division. He played five years in Minnesota, then ended his career with a season in Boston after they nabbed him from the Rangers in the waiver draft.

Overall, Plett was a skilled tough guy, or maybe a tough skill guy depending on how you wanted to look at it. He crossed the line once or twice, including a nasty stick-swinging incident with Wings' goalie Greg Stefan that earned him a big suspension, but he was generally considered a respected enforcer in an era packed with them. He finished with 834 games, 222 goals and 2,572 PIM, one of only six players to record 200+ goals and 2,500+ PIM.

(And yes, his name was "Willi", not Willie or Willy. It's an Eastern European thing. What, you want to tell this guy that he spells his name wrong?)

The NHL Actually Got Something Right

Given what happen in Las Vegas two weeks ago, it felt like there was really no right way for the Golden Knights to handle their home opener on Tuesday. A big splashy ceremony would have felt inappropriate, obviously. But at the same time, it's the first home game in franchise history; you can't treat it like any other game, because there haven't been any others. The team was left to walk what seemed like a near-impossible line.

And they basically nailed it. On Tuesday, they managed to be respectful without being maudlin. They found a way to say what needed to be said without making it all about them, and hit the right notes in the process.

Does that fix anything? Not even close, as others have argued. But we knew they weren't going to be able to do that. So they did what they could.

When these things are done well, they always seem easy in hindsight. But this couldn't have been. As Elliotte Friedman pointed out, the Knights no doubt spent weeks preparing a big show designed to make an impression on their new home. It's almost a tradition that new teams have to do something embarrassingly over-the-top to mark their first game, as Grab Bag readers already know all about. Instead, the Knights had to scrap all that (including a mascot unveiling) for something more fitting.

And it worked. Full credit to the team and league for making it happen. And if they want to loosen up a bit and have some fun at tonight's second game, that's cool too. Things won't ever go back to normal in Las Vegas, but they'll inch their way in that direction, and the NHL can be a small part of that.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Today is Friday the 13th, which conjures images of a madman in a goalie mask hacking and slashing innocent people to pieces. Or, as NHL fans of the 1980s called it, Billy Smith.

Yes, it's our old pal Smith, the craziest goaltender to ever strap on the pads. When he wasn't winning four straight Stanley Cups, he was blazing a trail that would be followed by guys like Ron Hextall, Patrick Roy, Ray Emery, and others. He was nuts.

How nuts? Well, today's video features a selection of suspension-worthy stick fouls involving Smith and just one of the NHL's other 20 teams from a single playoff series. It's still five minutes long. You do the math.

Our clip begins with Game One of the 1983 final between Smith's Islanders and the Edmonton Oilers. We're midway through the first period, with the Islanders leading 1-0, and the Oilers have the puck deep in the New York zone. Glenn Anderson circles the net on a wraparound, then mysteriously falls over for no reason. Huh. Might want to see a replay on that one.

On a second look, we get a clear view of Smith executing a one-handed slash to Anderson's knee. Let's just point out two things. First, that play is dangerous and downright dirty, and should absolutely be a penalty if not an outright suspension. Second…I mean, that's a pretty cool move, right? Think of the combination of timing, hand-eye coordination and arm strength you need to pull that off and score a direct hit. I bet he couldn't do that again if he tried!

We skip ahead to late in game two, as Wayne Gretzky sets up behind the net. We used to call that Gretzky's "office," because it was where he did his best work. Unfortunately, he then skates out to the side of the net, which is Billy Smith's office, in the sense that it's where he performs amputations.

Yes, Smith manages to pull off the exact same move again, hacking Gretzky on the knee. That leads to a stare down, followed by a scrum. I can't tell who every player on the ice is, but the Oilers have Gretzky, Anderson and Jari Kurri, while the Islanders have a Sutter. So, advantage New York.

The announcer, longtime Islanders homer Jiggs McDonald, is great here. "Smith with a swing at the puck, and Gretzky has gone down like he was shot." Those 1980s pucks sure were tricky, always disguising themselves as the MVP's kneecap.

"You have to remember back to the time when Billy Smith… did it to Anderson." Ah, yes, back to those distant and hazy times of literally 48 hours ago. We were all so young then.

"He didn't hit Anderson obviously that bad." These announcers are great. "They're acting like a bunch of little kids now." Seriously, so great.

Hey, can we just point that legendary linesman Swede Knox is looking sharp out there? Not a hair out of place.

Meanwhile, a policeman who weighs 120 pounds and is clearly packing a loaded gun just casually climbs over the glass behind the bench to settle some fans down. He's never seen again. My guess is he's still there.

Gretzky is furious, getting in the face of referee Wally Harris to plead his case. I can't read his lips, but I'm pretty sure he's explaining that dangerous stick-related fouls need to be called consistently, even when they're committed by star players late in crucial playoff games.

Smith does indeed get five minutes, which needless to say outrages our neutral announcers. "Look how low the stick is!" If I'm ever charged with a violent crime, I want these two to be my defense lawyers.

We cut to the end of the game, as Edmonton's turns the tables by spearing Smith, causing the goalie to execute a full backflip in his crease while shedding all his equipment, Beetle Bailey-style. You'd think this would make the Islanders angry, but Dave Semenko is standing nearby so everyone just pretends they didn't notice.

For the record, the NHL responded to all this by being furious at…the Oilers. For complaining too much about the Anderson slash. As league VP Brian O'Neill put it, "[Oilers coach Glen] Sather has created a situation where Billy Smith is a monster. Billy Smith has had his problems, but he's made an effort to tone it down." Seriously, right? He's slashing guys in the knee now instead of directly in the eye. If he tones it down any further he'll be hacking ankles, and at that point why even bother?

We skip ahead to later in the series, as Anderson gets his payback by blatantly running Smith on a loose puck. That leads to Smith dramatically dragging himself back towards his crease like a wounded Terminator before making a miraculous recovery once he realizes there's no penalty being called.

Our last moment comes from the final game of the series, as Smith nudges Anderson and gets rewarded with a swat to the head that once again causes him to temporarily die. Smith basically admitted to taking a dive after the game, telling reporters ''I was hurt about as much as Gretzky was hurt in the second game…when I hit Gretzky he lay down and he cried to the referee, so I just took a chapter out of his book. I put myself on my back, and I squirmed and kicked and I played dead just like he did."

I mean, can you imagine someone dropping that quote today? We'd all lose our minds for a week. Back then, everyone shrugged and went "Yeah, seems reasonable".

By the way, the Islanders won the series in four games, and Smith got the Conn Smythe. I think he won this round, you guys.

[Turns earnestly towards camera.] If you'd like to learn more about Billy Smith losing his mind, please enjoy clips of him getting into it with Scott Stevens, fracturing Curt Fraser's cheekbone, and fighting everyone from Tiger Williams to Eddie Johnstone to Lanny McDonald.

Smith was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1993, the only goalie to make it in that decade. HHOF officials could not be reached for comment, as they were all suffering from mysterious knee injuries.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you'd like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith

Three Stars of Comedy

The third star: This KHL player – This is technically from last week, but qualifies for this week’s list due to the time zone difference.

The second star: The Travelling Jagrs add a member –

You’ve seen these guys before. They’re a roving pack of Jagr impersonators who represent every one of the star’s many stops around the hockey world. Now that he’s in Calgary they need a new member, and the auditions seem to be going well.

The first star: Nathan Walker’s butt makes history– He’s the first Australian to ever play in the NHL, which earned him a call from the prime minister, during which he awkwardly had to talk about his own butt until the PM said “Well that’s fantastic.”

Bonus points to the Australian ambassador to the U.S., who shows up as a supporting character in this story and somehow has this actual name.

Be It Resolved

The first week of the season featured plenty of impressive performances, some of which even closed in on all-time records. In fact, you probably got pretty used to seeing stats like this:

Or this:

Or this:

And eventually, you probably stopped and went: Wait, what the heck was going on back in 1917?

You wouldn’t be alone. The NHL has this weird thing about its history. The league has been around for 100 years, as they’re constantly reminding us this season. But for the most part, they tend to ignore the first quarter-century or so and just skip right to the Original Six era starting in the 1940s. Plenty of casual fans have no idea that there were once teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates and St. Louis Eagles and Hamilton Tigers, and unless you’re Dick Beddoes you don’t know about Joe Malone and other stars of those early years. To hear the league tell it, history basically begins when Gordie Howe and Maurice Richard showed up, and everything before that was some sort of warmup.

And then we see all these stats show up this week, and you think “Gee, the 1917 version of the NHL sounds fun as hell.”

I think the league should embrace this. Ideally, they’d do that by marketing their entire history, not just three-quarters of it, but that ship has sailed. The league has spent decades making it clear that they don’t want to do that, so I’m not going to bang my head against a wall.

No, I think the league should go in the other direction. So be it resolved, the NHL needs to start making stuff up about the 1917-18 season.

It’s a perfect opportunity. Nobody knows anything about what was going on back then anyway, so you may as well have fun with it. The NHL should just start dropping random “facts” about their inaugural season and see how long it takes everyone else to catch on. Stuff like:

In 1917, it was a minor penalty for a goaltender to let his skates touch the ice.

There were five pucks on the ice at all times, but you could only score with the one that had bees inside it.

Player awarded an automatic penalty shot any time an opposing goaltender made a save.

The league only started with only four teams, but quickly dropped to three because one of the arenas burned down. (Wait, that one is actually true.)

Goalies wore full face masks, but they were made out balsa wood and didn’t have eyeholes.

Jaromir Jagr won rookie of the year.

Literally everyone involved was drunk at all times. (Also probably true.)

Have some fun with it, NHL. You’ve never told us anything about that first season before, so you’ve got a blank canvas to work with. Don’t let it go to waste.

Obscure Former Player of the Week

While Walker is the first Australian-trained player in league history, he was born in the UK, meaning there has still yet to be an Australian-born NHLer. According to the hockey-reference.com database of player birthplaces, that leaves 16 countries that have produced one and only one NHL player. That includes this week’s obscure player: Willi Plett.

Plett was born in Paraguay to Soviet parents but raised in Ontario, where he didn’t start playing organized hockey until he was nearly in his teens. He was a big kid who could also play, and he was picked in the fifth round of the 1975 draft by the Atlanta Flames. He debuted that year, playing four games, then scored 33 goals as a rookie in 1976-77 to win the Calder. He’d top that with 38 goals in the team’s first year in Calgary in 1980-81, a season that saw him become the first player to ever have that many goals and at least 230 PIM. (He’s since been joined in that club by eight other players.)

He was traded to the North Stars in 1982 because in those days, everyone who could fight had to serve some time in the Norris Division. He played five years in Minnesota, then ended his career with a season in Boston after they nabbed him from the Rangers in the waiver draft.

Overall, Plett was a skilled tough guy, or maybe a tough skill guy depending on how you wanted to look at it. He crossed the line once or twice, including a nasty stick-swinging incident with Wings’ goalie Greg Stefan that earned him a big suspension, but he was generally considered a respected enforcer in an era packed with them. He finished with 834 games, 222 goals and 2,572 PIM, one of only six players to record 200+ goals and 2,500+ PIM.

(And yes, his name was “Willi”, not Willie or Willy. It’s an Eastern European thing. What, you want to tell this guy that he spells his name wrong?)

The NHL Actually Got Something Right

Given what happen in Las Vegas two weeks ago, it felt like there was really no right way for the Golden Knights to handle their home opener on Tuesday. A big splashy ceremony would have felt inappropriate, obviously. But at the same time, it’s the first home game in franchise history; you can’t treat it like any other game, because there haven’t been any others. The team was left to walk what seemed like a near-impossible line.

And they basically nailed it. On Tuesday, they managed to be respectful without being maudlin. They found a way to say what needed to be said without making it all about them, and hit the right notes in the process.

Does that fix anything? Not even close, as others have argued. But we knew they weren’t going to be able to do that. So they did what they could.

When these things are done well, they always seem easy in hindsight. But this couldn’t have been. As Elliotte Friedman pointed out, the Knights no doubt spent weeks preparing a big show designed to make an impression on their new home. It’s almost a tradition that new teams have to do something embarrassingly over-the-top to mark their first game, as Grab Bag readers already know all about. Instead, the Knights had to scrap all that (including a mascot unveiling) for something more fitting.

And it worked. Full credit to the team and league for making it happen. And if they want to loosen up a bit and have some fun at tonight’s second game, that’s cool too. Things won’t ever go back to normal in Las Vegas, but they’ll inch their way in that direction, and the NHL can be a small part of that.

Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown

Today is Friday the 13th, which conjures images of a madman in a goalie mask hacking and slashing innocent people to pieces. Or, as NHL fans of the 1980s called it, Billy Smith.

Yes, it’s our old pal Smith, the craziest goaltender to ever strap on the pads. When he wasn’t winning four straight Stanley Cups, he was blazing a trail that would be followed by guys like Ron Hextall, Patrick Roy, Ray Emery, and others. He was nuts.

How nuts? Well, today’s video features a selection of suspension-worthy stick fouls involving Smith and just one of the NHL’s other 20 teams from a single playoff series. It’s still five minutes long. You do the math.

Our clip begins with Game One of the 1983 final between Smith’s Islanders and the Edmonton Oilers. We’re midway through the first period, with the Islanders leading 1-0, and the Oilers have the puck deep in the New York zone. Glenn Anderson circles the net on a wraparound, then mysteriously falls over for no reason. Huh. Might want to see a replay on that one.

On a second look, we get a clear view of Smith executing a one-handed slash to Anderson’s knee. Let’s just point out two things. First, that play is dangerous and downright dirty, and should absolutely be a penalty if not an outright suspension. Second…I mean, that’s a pretty cool move, right? Think of the combination of timing, hand-eye coordination and arm strength you need to pull that off and score a direct hit. I bet he couldn’t do that again if he tried!

We skip ahead to late in game two, as Wayne Gretzky sets up behind the net. We used to call that Gretzky’s “office,” because it was where he did his best work. Unfortunately, he then skates out to the side of the net, which is Billy Smith’s office, in the sense that it’s where he performs amputations.

Yes, Smith manages to pull off the exact same move again, hacking Gretzky on the knee. That leads to a stare down, followed by a scrum. I can’t tell who every player on the ice is, but the Oilers have Gretzky, Anderson and Jari Kurri, while the Islanders have a Sutter. So, advantage New York.

The announcer, longtime Islanders homer Jiggs McDonald, is great here. “Smith with a swing at the puck, and Gretzky has gone down like he was shot.” Those 1980s pucks sure were tricky, always disguising themselves as the MVP’s kneecap.

“You have to remember back to the time when Billy Smith… did it to Anderson.” Ah, yes, back to those distant and hazy times of literally 48 hours ago. We were all so young then.

“He didn’t hit Anderson obviously that bad.” These announcers are great. “They’re acting like a bunch of little kids now.” Seriously, so great.

Hey, can we just point that legendary linesman Swede Knox is looking sharp out there? Not a hair out of place.

Meanwhile, a policeman who weighs 120 pounds and is clearly packing a loaded gun just casually climbs over the glass behind the bench to settle some fans down. He’s never seen again. My guess is he’s still there.

Gretzky is furious, getting in the face of referee Wally Harris to plead his case. I can’t read his lips, but I’m pretty sure he’s explaining that dangerous stick-related fouls need to be called consistently, even when they’re committed by star players late in crucial playoff games.

Smith does indeed get five minutes, which needless to say outrages our neutral announcers. “Look how low the stick is!” If I’m ever charged with a violent crime, I want these two to be my defense lawyers.

We cut to the end of the game, as Edmonton’s turns the tables by spearing Smith, causing the goalie to execute a full backflip in his crease while shedding all his equipment, Beetle Bailey-style. You’d think this would make the Islanders angry, but Dave Semenko is standing nearby so everyone just pretends they didn’t notice.

For the record, the NHL responded to all this by being furious at…the Oilers. For complaining too much about the Anderson slash. As league VP Brian O’Neill put it, “[Oilers coach Glen] Sather has created a situation where Billy Smith is a monster. Billy Smith has had his problems, but he’s made an effort to tone it down.” Seriously, right? He’s slashing guys in the knee now instead of directly in the eye. If he tones it down any further he’ll be hacking ankles, and at that point why even bother?

We skip ahead to later in the series, as Anderson gets his payback by blatantly running Smith on a loose puck. That leads to Smith dramatically dragging himself back towards his crease like a wounded Terminator before making a miraculous recovery once he realizes there’s no penalty being called.

Our last moment comes from the final game of the series, as Smith nudges Anderson and gets rewarded with a swat to the head that once again causes him to temporarily die. Smith basically admitted to taking a dive after the game, telling reporters ”I was hurt about as much as Gretzky was hurt in the second game…when I hit Gretzky he lay down and he cried to the referee, so I just took a chapter out of his book. I put myself on my back, and I squirmed and kicked and I played dead just like he did.”

I mean, can you imagine someone dropping that quote today? We’d all lose our minds for a week. Back then, everyone shrugged and went “Yeah, seems reasonable”.

By the way, the Islanders won the series in four games, and Smith got the Conn Smythe. I think he won this round, you guys.

[Turns earnestly towards camera.] If you’d like to learn more about Billy Smith losing his mind, please enjoy clips of him getting into it with Scott Stevens, fracturing Curt Fraser’s cheekbone, and fighting everyone from Tiger Williams to Eddie Johnstone to Lanny McDonald.

Smith was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1993, the only goalie to make it in that decade. HHOF officials could not be reached for comment, as they were all suffering from mysterious knee injuries.

Have a question, suggestion, old YouTube clip, or anything else you’d like to see included in this column? Email Sean at nhlgrabbag@gmail.com .

DGB Grab Bag: Traveling Jagrs, Mythical 1917, and Nutso Billy Smith syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

[heart-attackinblackhairdye]

Sparks Against the Railing

*I fucking hated flying. Hated it. I had a list, actually, of things I would rather do than fly and it included a pain-killer free root canal and spending Sunday morning with Beulah Burchett. In fact, eating a meal composed entirely of feta cheese was the only thing I thought would be worse. And then I flew into L.A. with a rock band. And a five year old. And a diminutive deputy. Miles was staying back at home with Lynne and Cinda because Lynne claimed, ‘You take him and you’ll regret it, Jorja Jeanne. Believe me, I traveled with you as a baby. And you already have your hands full.’ I’ll take that feta anytime now. My experience with flying was minimal at best, and with the family I currently had with me, well… Gracie was, honest to fuck, better behaved than some of the so-called adults that we met during the seven hour flight and four fucking hours in the airports but dark glasses and oversized hoodies could only hide so much. Tristan’s hair was a goddamn fire-engine red beacon and Jett’s distinctive fro wasn’t any better. Benji’s tattoo’s were recognizable even from a distance and Christian and Max were just…. Christian and Max. They towered, quite literally, over everyone else in our crazy little group. Atlanta wasn’t quite so bad, a few whispers and some brave fans, only two that I had to glare at for fucking hands on my goddamn husband, but it was a huge improvement over our last airport debacle. And then we landed in LA. Nothing, nothing in the entire fucking world could have prepared me for this. I had thought I was pretty used to chaos and bullshit. I was wrong. I could almost smell the desperation as soon as we had stepped into the terminal proper and it made my stomach turn. Even inside, everything seemed so… fake. When the first leggy blonde brushed past me to flat out gush over my husband and the men who were, for the most part, my brothers, I was annoyed. By the third, I was pissed. By the fifth, I was thankful that Brian had a good grip as he caught me around the waist and got whacked in the face with my newly-dyed pigtails for his trouble. The manager may have been shorter than Benji, but he was deceptively strong. He kept me from an assault charge, so I was thankful for that. The press though… motherfuckers. I’d thought the very few that had dared to come to Lost Lake were bad. And again, I was so wrong. There was a crowd following us as soon as we passed through security and they stayed at a nearly respectable distance through the baggage claim until we disappeared into the cars sent from the label. The stream of questions and taunts designed, almost specifically, to evoke a response was stomach turning and I thanked a god I didn’t believe in that Gracie was wearing noise canceling headphones as question after question was hurled at us. The guys seemed to take it in stride, though I did notice more than a little bit of tension at a few questions, from everyone except Max and Jett. Those motherfuckers were unflappable. I was fine, or at least I pretended to be, until Gracie and MIles were mentioned. There were fucking limits and if I hadn’t been holding both my and Gracie’s bags and I would have taken a swing at the cowardly hack that had just questioned my children’s paternity, in front of not only one of them, but their actual father. Gracie, for her part, was happily clinging to Tristan’s back, singing along obliviously to an album Patrick had sent her. The implication wasn’t lost on anyone old enough to understand it, and Benji and Tristan’s both went rigid and Jessie, who had literally nothing to do with this bullshit, looked faintly green beneath her flaming cheeks. I already hated L.A. and I wasn’t even out of the airport yet. Fortunately, things got a bit easier once we were all piled into the van the label had sent, basking in the air conditioning and music both blasting as we headed into the city. It was a business trip, a celebration concert and party for the label’s thirtieth anniversary, but we had all decided that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to enjoy the city a little, if we could. The ride was quiet, save for the music, until Gracie shattered it with an ear-piercing shriek of excitement. “MAMA! IT’S YOUR SONG THAT YOU HELPED P-TRICK WITH. LISTEN MAMA! I’m gonna tell him I heard him on the radio when we see him. Is it gonna be soon, Mama? Cause you promised and I brought my hat. ” My child was something else entirely, with a set of lungs that rivaled her father’s, whom I was pretty sure I saw wince as the tiny girl yelled in his ear. She also wasn’t wrong; the song playing was one that I had polished a bit through a series of skype meetings and conference calls, all of which Gracie had wormed her way in on. As my child somehow managed to do, she had wrapped Patrick around her finger, and plans to get together and finally meet in person were peppered with stipulations from Gracie, especially after the Christmas package came, containing a pair of fedoras for my kids. That child was fucking magic, there was no other explanation; she got that from her father, I had zero doubt.* Yes, Gracie, we will see Patrick soon, that’s where we are going right now. And I know you brought your hat, I packed it, remember? *Grace nodded her head, her pigtails bouncing on her shoulders, eyes hidden with a pair of child-sized Ray-bans that matched Christian's. That child was so, so spoiled. I could see Christian hiding a smile as he texted, most probably to Kloe, who was still in New York. Jessie and Tristan were in the back, talking far too quietly for me to hear, but the soft smiles on both of their faces spoke volumes. They were ridiculously adorable. Grabbing Benji’s hand, I gave it a squeeze as we both laughed at Brian, seated up front in the passenger seat, alternately yelling at whoever was on the other end of his phone, and typing on the computer that was balanced on his lap. That man worked harder than any of us put together. As strange as it was, this was my family, and I couldn’t ever, ever, imagine it any different. It didn’t take long before we were pulling easily up in front of the venue for the show that evening. It was a club, which kind of surprised me, but just based on the size, and the goddamn crowd wrapped around the block, this wasn’t going to be a flashback to the New York days, quite the opposite. The building looked big enough to pull a crowd and yet small enough to give an illusion of intimacy. We all piled out quickly, slightly jet lagged and weak-kneed after spending hours in flight. The air was hazy, but there was a cool breeze that counteracted the blinding sun, and I slid my sunglasses on, once again matching Gracie’s, as I stretched my arms over my head, my back cracking in a series of satisfied pops. “Jorja?” I turned at the sound of my name but before I could open my mouth, Gracie was squealing with excitement at the sight of her favorite new friend and had pulled her hand free from Tristan’s to run across the asphalt as fast as her Chucks could carry her, her black fedora held on her head before she threw both arms around a slightly stunned looking man’s waist. The laughter was immediate and genuine, and I shook my head as I followed in Gracie’s footsteps.* You’ll have to excuse my daughter, she has absolutely no fear of anything at all. She gets that from her father. *I could practically hear Gracie’s eyes rolling and shook my head as I grinned at the small welcoming committee. Patrick was smiling brightly, flanked by a petite redhead on his left and a bleach blonde man with tattoos and a blinding smile on his right. “Mama, I get that from you.” Gracie’s interest in me was short lived, however, as she turned her attention back to her new friend. “P-Trick! Guess what? We heard your song that Mama helped with on the radio when we were driving here. I like it alot, and I even saw My Daddy singing along, so that means it’s really good.” Patrick smiled, Benji waved and Gracie, ever the ice breaker, glanced at Patrick’s companions. “Hi, I’m Gracie. My Mama says I talk too much for my own good. Who are you? Are you P-Trick’s band?” Another round of laughter and Patrick shook his head, crouching to get on Gracie’s level. “Your Mama is a smart lady, Miss Gracie. And no, I don’t have a band, but I do have friends. This is my friend Pete, and My- well, this is Teddy and she has been my friend since we were younger than you.” Gracie, for her part, eyed the strangers, sliding her sunglasses down her nose just a little, looking for all the world like some kind of miniature punk rock librarian. Apparently, she liked what she saw. “You have tattoos like My Daddy and Mama had hair like yours until last week. She made it black again because she fucking hates LA. Teddy, you have kind of a funny name, but I like it. You have nice hair too.” Gracie’s matter-of-fact observation had everyone laughing. Introductions were made quickly and the guys started to unload the van, brushing off all offers of help. It wasn’t anything new, or them being humble in the least, they just liked to handle their own equipment as much as possible, they always had. It was a small show with a minimum of necessities as Killjoys weren’t the only band on the bill, but the cases that we did bring were pretty damn important. I was mid-conversation with Patrick about an idea he had pitched me during one of our Skype meetings, Gracie inside using the bathroom with both Teddy and Jessie whom she quickly proclaimed as twins, when I heard it, the sound was unmistakable and chilled me to the bone. Everything stopped as time stood still and the world around us sprang into sudden, blinding clarity. For just a moment, everything was too bright, too hot, too quiet, too everything. And then the screeching of tires and the squealing of metal against metal shattered the silence. I couldn’t move for a minute, rooted to the spot as I watched the crash play out in slow motion. It didn’t process, not at first, what exactly what was going on, but then I heard the familiar yell and time started moving again, and so did I. Well, I tried, but strong arms caught me around the waist, a voice that I vaguely recognized as Pete’s in my ears holding me back. Not the right move. Slamming an elbow back into a solid pair of ribs, I twisted out of his grip and ran towards the now mangled van, even as it slid further down the street, propelled by the garbage truck that was still, somehow, moving down the street. Cases were scattered on the cracked asphalt and the sound of breaking glass ranging in my ears, the shards crunching under my feet as I ran past the crowd of photographers and concert attendees already lining up, phones and cameras out to of course capture every small detail as the garbage truck and van finally skidded to a stop against the back end of a parked tour bus in a moment of deafening, paralyzing silence broken by screams and shouts. I fell to my knees beside the stopped van, my sunglasses discarded and searched desperately, trying to take stock of my family, my entire fucking world in the wreckage. I could see a flash of red hair to my left, Tristan of course, limping badly with blood trickling down his pale face. Max crumpled on the sidewalk by where the impact had initially happened. I knew, somewhere in my mind, that I should be searching for everyone, but I couldn’t - not in this moment. I needed to know where Benji was. I couldn’t see him, couldn’t hear anything but screaming. That was coming from me. Shit fuck. My breath stuck in my throat as I caught sight of a familiar black sleeve poking out from under the fender of the truck… literally under it, a heavily tattooed hand grasping for purchase over the glass covered pavement. I couldn’t move as Benji squirmed free from under the front of the garbage truck, standing on shaking legs. Screams pierced the air and brought me back to myself as I finally started moving, running and throwing my arms around Benji’s neck with a broken sob as sirens pierced the air.* #SparksAgainstTheRailing #KilljoysAndSinners