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thecapricunt1616 · 10 months ago

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The Bear & His Honey Chapter 4

Inspo: Quote- “ Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me- I should know. I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door.” Dedication: @daysofyellowroses - bestie thank you for inspiring and encouraging me to write. I haven’t felt more alive and inspired then I have in the past few days writing again. Thank you!! This is for you loveyyyy. Summary: Winnie & Carmy get closer. Have a marg over a mini therapy session, Winnie fixes up Carm’s panic injury. They find out there may just have been a single thread of gold tying them together the entire time. W/C: 5,484 A/N: Oh my lanta y’all!! 2 chapters in one day?! I promise- PROMISEEE tonight I am figuring a master list out, because I (myself) have been struggling to keep things canon to the story by having to scroll and scroll through my page to find each part to see what I said for Winnie, LOL! So get hype for that, I love this chapter even more then the last bc it has more Carmy, but Richie is so fun to write and I can’t wait for he&Winnies friendship to bloom!!! For my canon Carmy continues going to therapy once or so a week / a support group type talk therapy so that is why he shares more than he would in the show. It’s on his one day off so that’s why he is able to continue making it, and he thrives on routine so going once a week keeps him regulated. Warnings for BTC: A little bit of smut, angst, mentions of suicide, mentions of vehicular accidents ending in death, mentions of self-harm, mentions of severe injury, negative self-talk, feminine yearning (ofc), fluffy fluff (enough for your teeth to rot out of ur face), panic disorder, mentions of a panic attack, heavy petting, alcohol, mentions of smoking cigarettes, mental health issues, exhausted Carmy LOL

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

Read Chapter 3

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The door flings open and before I could even get a good look at him his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, his large hands resting on my rib cage, and thumbs gently rubbing soothing strokes. I gasped a bit in surprise at the contact, his muscular chest pressed to mine. Pulling me tighter and he nuzzles his face in my neck, his hot breath causing goosebumps to appear all over my skin. I inhaled his scent, a bit of his musky spicy cologne still left over after the long day, cigarette smoke, and a day of working, but he didn’t smell bad at all. I would buy a fucking candle of it if I could, and never burn it so it lasts forever.

He needed this hug.

“Thank you f’ comin’, Winnie. I really need a drink, like now” he said quietly and I bit my lip, my hands rubbing soothing circles in the middle of his back. ��Course, you think I’d turn down a free drinky-drink from the sexiest little Chef boy in Chicago?” He chuckled into my neck, feeling a small smile press into my skin. “I’m sorry” he pulls away and I finally am able to look at him.

His hair is a mess, cheeks are stained red, his eyes are bloodshot and glazed over like he’d been crying, he rubs the back of his neck and I see a bit of smeared blood over his forearm. “It’s- it’s okay, hard day?” I asked, twiddling my fingers anxiously, worried he was going to ask me to leave and tell me that it wasn’t a good time anymore. “Ye’” he replied in a sigh and I swallowed hard.

“D-did you- sorry,” my voice coming out small and meek. I clear my throat “Was it- not a good time for you? It’s fine, totally, totally fine…should have given my number I guess - but I can-“ I motion my thumb to the door down the hall.

“No! No, please, stay. It’s - it’ll be nice. To like- to see you. I meant sorry about,” he squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head “sorry for like- flinging myself on you?” He says and I giggle, causing him to look at me.

“I love hugs! You give great hugs, is that why your sister calls you Bear? Oh my god!! Wait. This is your- that’s so cool, Carmen! You’re so cool!” I motioned to the restaurant, alluding to the name. “That’s so fuckin cool dude!” He smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets shyly and looking at his feet.

“Thank you, but- uh. No. I’m not…usually a hugger which is why I’m also surprised I did that, guess I needed it. They call me bear cause - well. Don’t poke the bear kinda thing” he said and I took a few steps forward, our toes almost touching and his eyes met mine again. I raise my hand, and gently poke the flower tattoo adorning his left arm with my forefinger and smile. “Gonna bite me?” I quip, lifting my hands and poking short pokes all over his chest and he laughs a bit.

“Y’re cute” he said and I put a final poke on his nose, blush rising to my cheeks at the statement. “And very thirsty. Pour me a drink will you, bartender?” I turned around on the ball of my foot swiftly, walking with pep back into the kitchen and I look back at him, to find his eyes practically undressing me from where I’d left him moments ago. I grin, putting my hands on my hips “You staring at my ass isn’t making me any less thirsty over here, bartender!” I said and he blushes “sorry…sorry”

He comes out and places a hand at the small of my back leading me to the main part of the restaurant and towards the bar “you just - uh…you look really good. I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to get home, I wanted to but - shit just got outta control, Syd forgot about this huge cannoli order and we forgot to get the powdered sugar with the last resupply so I had to make powdered sugar - it was just-” I rub my hand up his arm gently, stopping him and grabbing his attention.

“It’s fine Carmen. You look fine. I’ll admit, a little bit tired. But you worked all day, I’ve been there” I shrug and he nods a bit, “thanks” he said softly walking behind the bar. I get up on one of the bar stools, crossing my legs and resting my chin in my palm looking over the restaurant and tapping my nails on the table. “This place is super nice, Carm, you should be so proud of yourself. It feels fancy but inviting too.” I hum admiring the lights and artwork on the walls.

“Why thank you, we all worked really hard. I’m surprised it came together every day, but super grateful.” He said, taking Patron off of the middle shelf and scooping ice into the mixer, counting to himself as he pours it. “Doesn’t show, you run a tight ship it sounds, Chef” I smiled. He snorts “how would you know? Or is it just the pans from earlier” he said and threw a few slices of jalapeño, lime, and mint in to the cup before closing it tightly and shaking.

“Yes and no, Richie told me, said that you were a good boy today though, and your sister was the one causing trouble” blush creeps into his cheeks. “Ye’ and see what happens when I’m ‘good’ as you told me to do? Shit got fucked” he pours in some club soda and mixes it with a bar spoon before pouring us both a glass. “Mmmm. Was that because you weren’t barking orders, or because something happened out of your control, and you’re blaming yourself?” I asked honestly and he set my glass down in front of me, biting his lip for a moment.

“Everything is out of my fucking control” he muttered and shook his head, as if it was a quiet, painful reminder to himself. “Most things, in most people’s lives, are out of our control” I gently rest my hand over his and he meets my eyes. “The only things you can control is if, and when you fall apart, and how well you glue yourself back together.” I said earnestly and he swallows thickly, nodding.

“I like that..thank you” he said and I nod. “Don’t worry, I won’t charge you- this time. But d’ya think I can get a fancy umbrella or somethin’ for this drink?” I smiled and nudged it toward him, he chuckled, shaking his head “you are somethin’ else, Winnie” he crouches down behind the bar with a grunt.

“Fuck. I’m 26 but my back feels 90” he said and I laughed a bit. “It’s all the cookin’! And being on your feet too damn much, My mom is a massage therapist, you should let me give you a massage sometime.” I said and he got back up, groaning dramatically which made me giggle. “For you, dear.” He drops a little pink umbrella into my cup.

“Oh my goodness you poor thing. Come sit down” I pat the spot next to me and plucked my bag off the seat, hanging it off the back of my chair. He comes around the bar, plopping down in the chair next to me with a sigh of relief. “I will absolutely take you up on your massage offer sometime.” He said, rubbing over his face tiredly and running his hands through his muss of curls before taking a sip of his own drink.

“Please do, I’ll pull out all the stops for ya’, but just so you know- a happy ending comes with a pretty cost” I said flirtatiously and nudged his leg with my boot playfully. He chuckled and looked over at me “yea? Thanks for the heads up I’ll be sure to budget accordingly for my trip to Winnie’s Massage Parlor” he teased and I laughed a bit.

“Yess!! Please do! There’s also Winnie’s salon, Winnie's hospital, and Winnie’s library!! Come by for all your daily needs I’ma’ Jane of all trades” I shrug and take another sip of my drink. “Speaking of” I take his left arm, looking at the inner part near the crook, where 4 large scratches were, done so violently that the skin beneath was turning into a speckled bruise meaning by morning it would be a dark purple.

“What happened?” I ask softly, my finger tip gently brushing over the untouched skin over the smeared, dried out blood below the wound. “Ahh-“ he shakes his head “it’s stupid. It’s not even bad don’t worry about it” he said and I looked at him, concerned. “Did- did Sug-“ he cuts me off quickly “Sugar, would never hurt me.” He said, his tone was deadly serious.

I nodded quickly, swallowing hard. “Okay, Carm, I believe you” I said softly and squeezed his wrist gently. “Will you…let me take care of you- please?” I ask quietly, looking into his eyes, my gaze pleading for a yes.

“So Winnie’s hospital is mobile?” He said with a small teasing smile. I roll my eyes playfully. “Yes, let’s go find the first aid kit, and honestly it’s pretty but like - empty in here and… I dunno” I bit my lip, hoping he got the hint and he nods “sure we - we can uh. Yeah. Let’s go sit in Sugars office. She has a couch” I nodded and hopped off the seat, gasping when the corner of it hooks onto the hem of my skirt as I get down and pulls it up, exposing my backside clad in a lacy red thong through the sheer bum part of my fleeced nylons.

“Oh my god!” I blurt as I quickly pulled it back down, my cheeks on fire, and my heart pounding in embarrassment. I hear Carmen burst out in laughter behind me making my embarrassment grow and I turned around, crossing my arms over my chest, my eyebrows becoming furrowed. “Hey!” I snip “what’s so funny!! Why were you looking peeping tom!” I whine and he covers his mouth to stifle the laughter.

“To make sure your munchkin self didn’t trip off of the stool in those clunky ass boots!! Being a gentleman really paid off for me there” he said and I went over slapping his arm gently with a smile growing on my face. “I guess it’s a good thing I wore panties or I would’ve mooned you” I grab my drink and turn around, a surprised chuckle coming from him.

“Holy shit, you go commando?” He asks, holding the kitchen door open for me “sometimes, she needs to breathe!!” I said with a shrug and pushed my bag up on my shoulder as I followed him back to Sugars office. “But what if you get horny?” He asked and I laughed, nudging him with my elbow. “Dude!! Richie said you were not forward with girls, that’s pretty forward” I set my bag down on sugars desk and he plops down on the big comfy sofa pulling out a recliner on his side and he sighs, closing his eyes.

“Gimme a sec’ this is the first time my feet are up since 1” he said and I sat down next to him, “you haven’t sat down since I left?!” I asked and he shook his head, opening his eyes and head falling to the side on the cushion to look at me. “Mm-mm” he hummed in response. “Where’s the first aid kit? I’ll find it” I said and he rubs his face, thinking.

“Uhhh. Oh there’s one in here actually, go over to the other side of Sug’s desk, it should be tucked there next to the wall” he said and took a sip of his drink. I got up, going where he said and I leaned over, completely forgetting the rules of skirts by mistake. “You’re a fucking tease” he said lowly and my heart pounds, my stomach fluttering wildly, and my core beginning to twitch and throb in excitement.

“What’s not nice about helping a new friend clean up their boo-boo’s?” I asked innocently, a small smile on my lips as I turned and sat down on the couch on the cushion next to him. He smirks “you…are gonna make me crazy” he said softly and closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the sofa. I opened the kit, taking out hand sanitizer, saline wipes, gauze, and triple antibiotic.

“Wait-“ he said his eyes flickering open “you- you met Richie?” He asks as if I hadn’t been mentioning him since I walked in the door, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It’s like- the first thing I said when I got here.” I said and he sighs softly. “I’m…sorry.” He finally said, like he was contemplating whether to say more. “That’s ok, you had a hard day” I took his arm gently, laying it across my lap. “What did he say? How bad did he embarrass me?” He questions and I giggle a bit, sanitizing my hands before opening a saline wipe.

“Not at all! He said you’re shy with girls, that he’s surprised you asked me out cause he thinks I’m pretty, and apparently, doesn’t think you are very funny- but I on the other hand, seemed to make him laugh a lot so- got you beat” I teased with a smile as I ever gently wipe over the wounds.

He snorts “well, you are pretty, he’s an asshole but right.” He said and I looked up at him “not many people make me laugh anymore, you seem to, though.” I said honestly, and he tugs his lip between his teeth to catch a grin from taking over his features. “Yea?” He asks quietly with a blush going across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. “Mmhmm” I hum in reply, putting the ointment on and carefully rubbing it in.

It was quiet for a moment before he says “I’m sorry.” Causing me to look up at him, but his gaze was stuck on the ceiling. “This wasn’t - I wanted to do something nice for you and… I’m sorry.” I stop working on his arm “sorry for what, Carm? This is so nice. The drink is really good, thank you for making it, I’m glad to be here.” I said honestly and placed my hand on top his.

His icy blue eyes meet mine, looking over my face slowly and locking on my lips. His eyes flick back to mine when he responds “you just look so pretty, like you should be on a real date. Not here fuckin-“ he sighs, looking down at his arm then back at me. “Dealing with my stupid mistake.” I shook my head and wrapped up his arm with a bandage to keep it clean and dry while he slept and it could scab over.

“This is a real date. You own a restaurant. Carmen. Look at me.” I order and he looks into my eyes. “You, just you, asking me to come see you, to be together, to get to know each other? You are enough. This is a date. An awesome date. I’m having fun, are you having fun?” I asked and he smiled a bit.

“No, but….” He trails off, looking at his lap and I felt my heart physically ache, my face drooping “peace” he finally said “I feel…at peace, with you around. I noticed it when we were outside earlier, I came out for a smoke cause I was about to absolutely loose it on Syd, and I don’t- I- I can’t do that to her. So I went out and I totally forgot my light and then..you were there and I forgot about everything.” He said.

Goosebumps arise on my skin at the admission, the warmth in my chest returning at full force. “And - I thought about you…all day- all-all day. Not like- god I sound like a creep” he takes his arm, rubbing his face in embarrassment. “I thought about you too.” I reply softly. “I thought about you…a lot. Actually.” I bit my lip and his eyes met mine, searching for truth and it was all he found in my locked gaze.

“Not like- I just couldn’t understand how I felt. But the more I think… I do this thing.” He rubs his chin as he thinks. “Learned it in therapy, they said when you can’t figure out how a person or a situation made you feel, you can like think of people and situations that you do know how you feel about, and keep comparing them until you find a match. S-so when I thought of you.” He swallows thickly and I sit up, completely entrenched in listening to him.

“I found that things that gave me the same feelings w-were like…my one day off a week that I don’t have to be here. I think of…the fucking morning I went to Central Park and watched the sunrise and it was so..so quiet. I think- I think” he presses his lips together. “O-of-of Mikey. Of my brother. He’s dead. But. H-he. He protected me a lot, growin’ up. Helped me out. A lot. I felt like when Mikey was around, it was alright. And that’s how I felt earlier. I’m sorry-“ he shakes his head, putting the recliner down and finishing off his drink.

“Why?” I ask and squeeze his hand “that’s…so, so sweet. You make me feel at peace too, unless you’re angry- but I was worried for you and what happened. I’m so happy I make you feel like that, Carmen. Thank you for sharing, may I hug you?” I ask gently and he looks at me a bit surprised. “Y-yea ‘fcourse c’mere” he opened his arms and I wrapped him in a warm embrace. “The way you make me laugh makes me feel the way my brother did when he made me laugh, we were twins. He died.” I said just above a whisper.

He rests his cheek on the top of my head, rubbing soothing circles in my back as I did for him earlier. “I’m so sorry, what was his name?” He asked, equally as quiet. “Chris, Christopher” I felt my lip quiver, that never dulling ache in my chest throbbing at the memory of him.

“Oh, wow” he whispered “Winnie and Christopher” I felt him smiling on my hair “your parents knew what they were doin’ with names, that’s adorable.” He said and I smiled a bit. “Thank you, can you guess what our nursery was?” I look up at him and he raises his eyebrows.

“Hmm.. let me think. Oh! I know, Dumbo?” He says sarcastically and I laugh, closing my eyes and nuzzling my face in his neck “Silly. Winnie the Pooh, I always said it was my room, because they had a big wall sticker of Winnie and all his animal friends, but not one of Christopher since they couldn’t find one. He hated that” I said and his fingers gently rubbed over the spot of bare skin between my skirt and my top. I feel him chuckle a bit “that’s cute” he said.

“How did Mikey…” I trail off, his fingers stilling. “Shot ‘emself” he said plainly and my hug around his torso tightens “I’m so sorry” I whisper in to his skin. “What about Chris?” He asked and I swallowed thickly. “We got in a motorcycle accident. I still can’t talk about it.” I said as evenly and emotionlessly as I could, if I opened that flood gate there was no shutting it.

“Oh- my god. Wow. I’m so sorry, I’m so glad you’re….” He trails off, realizing the other victim was very much not ok in any sense of the word. I sit up, taking my half full drink off the table and drinking it down in 3 big gulps. “Want another?” He asks and I shake my head, “work tomorrow” I said and he nods, “yeah me too” he muttered rubbing over his face.

“Can I…get your number?” I asked and he nodded sitting up “course you can” he said and took his phone out of his pocket, logged in and opened up a new contact screen, offering it to me. “Only if I can have yours” he said with a small smile. “Of course!!” I took it from him.

Winnie 🍯

I put as the contact name, and type in my number, hitting save before handing it back. I do the same for him on my phone and hand it to him, when it’s returned, I see

Carm🐻

I smile, deleting the emoji and switching it for a 🧸 instead. I show him with a tilt of my wrist “cause your awesome hugs.” I said and smiled, saving it again. He blushes, smiling and shaking his head “I think you’re the one who gives good hugs, you smell like honey and you’re all soft.” He said and I giggle. “I’m glad you like my perfume” I said and pushed my hair behind my shoulders.

“I do, it’s very nice. You live around here?” He asks and I nod “2 blocks that-a-way” I point behind us and he raises his eyebrows. “Really, what street?” He asked “Kensington Ave. The brownstones” I said and he chuckled “No shit. I live in the high rise across the way” he said and my mouth drops. “Wow. Work neighbors, and building neighbors, we’ve never met?” I giggle “you've been avoiding me?” I ask and he chuckles “never, uhh. I’m like never home. I go there to sleep for a few hours, and my days off I…sleep…the whole day usually, I usually get home around 1am and leave at like 4ish, sometimes 5 if I sleep in” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

“3 hours of sleep and you wonder why you feel 90? You need to sleep Carmen. You’re gonna have a heart attack.” I said and he chuckled. “If I would only be that lucky'' he joked, taking our empty glasses to the kitchen and I followed him “no- i'm serious, like you’re gonna drive yourself nuts.” I said, leaning on the counter watching him wash the glasses.

“I am already there sweetheart don’t worry, been there- ahh let’s see, 20? Maybe 19. So 7 years of insanity give or take.” He said and I giggled, shaking my head. “You are not nuts. A crazy person couldn’t run a restaurant.” I said and he snorted “that speaking is the mind of someone who doesn’t work in a restaurant. No, you have to be a psycho to do this shit. Especially at the level I do it.” He shuts off the sink, putting the cups on the drying rack and leaning on his elbows on the table mirroring me from across.

“I think you’re very, very passionate.” I brush his curls from his eyes “and that you sometimes get in your own way by not allowing people to help you.. which can make things harder” I said and he smiled, amusedly. “How do you already know so much about me, have you been stalking and avoiding me so I don’t find out?” He teases and I laugh. “Shut up, no. I have not. I dunno… like our souls know each other. That’s how I feel.” I shrug, crossing my hands under my chin and looking at him.

“Hmm” he says. “Do you believe in past lives?” He asks and I nod “for sure. And future ones. I don’t think we can learn everything in one go that our souls need” I shrug and he nods a bit. “We need to talk more about this when I don’t have a pounding headache from being so overtired” he said softly and I pout, “c'mon let’s walk home.” I said and headed back to the office to grab my things.

“I just have to go to the back and get my stuff gimme a few” he said from the kitchen. I waited by the island, shawl back on and bag on my shoulder. When he comes back out, my breath gets caught in my throat. Hes wearing delicious light grey sweatpants, blue Nike sneakers, and a plain white champion hoodie. As he lifted his arms to put his backpack on, the hoodie rode up, revealing his tight, toned stomach, and deep, deep V line. I lick my lips, imagining myself on my knees worshiping his god-like figure and he clears his throat.

I looked up again, realizing he completely caught me red handed checking him out like the hottest new library book and I felt my cheeks heat, giving a shy smile. “Ready?” He asked and I nod “ready” I said meekly, mentally face palming for my lack of discretion. “Y’know it’s not a bad thing to check me out, right? I guess for earlier you can call us even” He asked as we walked down the hallway and I nearly tripped over my own feet at the boldness. “Fuck you” I roll my eyes playfully and he opens the door for me.

“I’m a little tired right now, but for you? Anything. Your place or mine?” He asked and I laughed, slapping his chest playfully “you are a naughty, naughty little boy” I teased, wrapping my arms around his bicep as we walked. “Just letting you know allll the ways this glorious date could end” he said, a smug smirk on his face and I shook my head, looking at the sidewalk.

This was so nice. I usually am needing to check behind me every couple steps, am tensing at every noise or stranger I pass, but with Carmen I feel protected. Secure.

“I’ve never actually been able to enjoy this at night, I’m always looking over my shoulder wondering if I need to get my switchblade out” I chuckle shaking my head. “Switchblade? Damn. Can I see it?” He asks and I nod, digging in my purse and pulling out the pink knife attached with a MyMelody keychain to a can of mace.

I pulled away from him, hopping a few steps ahead. “Everybody watch out! I’m a woman that’s armed and dangerous!!” I giggle, clicking the little button and the hello kitty blade swings out with a click. He laughs, and I faced him, waving it around the air in front of me lightly “what’s so funny huh? I’m menacing Carmen, imagine I mugged you right now with a hello kitty knife” I said, causing him to laugh harder, clutching his stomach.

“Oh my god - please” he snorts in laughter causing me to laugh. “Awww little piggy!!” I teased and he gasps pretending to be offended. “okay! Rude! You better not snort ever or you’ll be the piggy miss” he said making me start laughing again “you are at my mercy right now, sir, have you so easily forgotten?” I gently wave the pewny knife in front of his face.

“Oh you sweet thing. I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” He plucks it from my fingers easily, closing it. “Only because I have the strongest little chef in all of Chicago to protect me. My knight in sexy gray sweatpants and a white sweatshirt” I mused, a playful smile dancing on my lips. “Mmm ok we’re getting there. I don’t like the little part, but- we’ll get there” he joked, dropping the knife back in my purse.

“Oh, yeah?” I said, grabbing his arm again as we continued, our buildings come in to view. One of my hands trains down his arm, slinking my fingers to wrap between his. “Mmhmm” he hummed.

I stopped again, standing in front of him and wrapping my arms around his neck loosely, standing on my tip-toes even in my heels to reach his ear. “I think that you know, that I know, you’re the sexiest, most hard working, passionate, gentleman - that I’ve ever had the pleasure of having a chance with. And I also think that you know, I have bratty tendencies, and love pulling your chain because I know it gets you going. You wanna know what I’m 100% sure of, though?” My sultry hot breath caused goosebumps to come up on his neck, his hands wrapping around my waist and squeezing gently. “Was’ that baby” he said softly, his voice laced with desire. I lace my fingers in his hair, gently tugging at his frizzy curls from the day.

“I’m sure that you need a brat. Because what you need, Carmy.” I nibbled at his ear gently. His breath hitches in his throat, biting his lip to silence a soft moan. I wasn’t quite sure where all of this raw confidence and honesty was coming from, likely from the strong drink Carmy had made and my being a lightweight.

“Is to be able to force someone in their place, and have full unrelinquished control over the entire situation. For someone to give themselves to you, be fully yours. To use. To love. To worship. Whatever you desire. Cause you’re a control freak. But that’s sexy, that’s soo sexy. I love a man who knows what he needs” I place a soft, lingering kiss on his racing pulse point.

His hands trail down, cupping my ass before squeezing roughly and I moan softly at the contact. His hands were so strong, so large, but somehow the touch was still lacking confidence. “C-can I” he says softly, “can I kiss you, please?” He whispers. I lift my face to meet his, our noses brushing as I rest my forehead on his, looking into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide from both the dark and lust, the only peak of blue being a tiny sliver.

“That depends,” I said with a smirk adorning my lips, I nuzzle my nose against his gently. “Will you kiss me how you want, Carm? Or how you think I want?” I ask and he licks his lips. “I want to make you happy” he whispers, I twirl a curl at the base of his neck around my finger. “It will make me happy, if you take what you want from me” I whispered.

Before I could blink, his lips were on mine, kissing me hungrily- a war of tongue and lips, my fingers tightening around his hair and tugging smiling proudly when he moaned into my mouth. His hands trail my skirt, lifting it slightly to massage my backside in his hands wantingly. I let him take me, dominate me, own me in that moment, matching his hot feverish kisses as well as the sweet, gentle ones. We only broke apart to breathe, our chests rising and falling at an equal rapid pace. His lips were slick from our kiss, swollen from the rough encounter. He was beautiful.

The only sound was the infrequent car passing, or the sound of the crickets that had made their homes in the small patches of grass on the side of the sidewalk that housed the trees.

“I want you to come to family”

Read Chapter 5 Here!

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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am i the asshole for leading a guy on an low-key manipulating his feelings? (🐺 so i can find it later)

trigger warnings for mental health issues, family death, and suicide mentions.

title is kiiinda dramatic, i know. and i should be clear that i know that what i did was definitely wrong to a degree, but idk how messed up it was.

for context: i (19 f) was freshly seventeen and had just returned to in person school for my senior year after doing my junior year online at home. the majority of my best and only friend had forgotten me almost entirely and abandoned me despite our texting throughout my online year. new social circles had formed in my absence and i had a very difficult time readjusting, especially because i had come out of isolation with worsened anxiety, depression, and lowkey suicidal idealization. to top it all off, my grandfather who i adored had just died. i was desperately lonely and at the lowest i had ever been mentally in my entire life. i say this all not to excuse my actions but to provide some context as to why i acted the way i did.

so i meet this guy (i think like 15-16?) who we'll call finn. finn is a year below me but we share an elective class. we were initially drawn to each other bc we were both the only alt/geeky kids in the room and hit it off really well. and at first things are going pretty good; we eat lunch together every day, share music, talk about our interests etc. normal friend stuff.

but here's the part where i'm probably ta: finn had told me earlier on that he's the type to catch feelings super easy, so i guess i should've expected it, but he tells me that he has a crush on me. not directly though--he starts talking about this girl that he has feelings for but doesn't have the courage to confess to. and the first time he brought it up i didn't realize it was me and ofc tried to hype him up so he could confess and all that. but by the second conversation we have about it, it dawns on me that he's definitely talking about me. and i'm like "ah fuck," because the last person i wanted it to be was me--i'm mostly into girls, and also saw finn as a little brother more than anything else. but i keep hyping him up anyways saying stuff like "oh c'mon the worst she can do is say no! and even then you can at least move on with closure!"

so he takes my advice and confesses to me over text. i turn him down as politely as i can. which is where this whole thing should've ended tbh. but it didn't. his confession (even though it was over text) really endeared me and made me feel appreciated and beautiful in a way i never had been before. i'm not conventionally attractive + a plus size girl, and had never had anyone confess to me before, let alone say something as sincere and sweet as finn did to me. i was always the girl guys dared each other to ask out as a joke, yknow? it felt nice to know that someone saw me as desirable. again, this doesn't excuse my actions or justify them. just context.

so i decide that even though i know i'm not going to pursue anything with finn, i don't want him to lose interest in me either. so i start acting like i might be into him. tell him certain outfits make him look cute, go on and on about how much i love his hair (he really did have nice hair tbh), lean in a little closer when we talked, and constantly reassure him that he'd get a gf soon because good-looking, sweet and funny guys like him don't stay single for long.

he definitely notices bc he (again over text) asks if it's ok to be more physical when we interact. like can he hold my hand if we walk down the hall or whatever. this is definitely where i should've stopped, but i didn't. i kept up the pseudo-flirting bullshit.

and then he confesses (you guessed it! over text) for a second time, insisting that he really thinks that i like him back now. i tell him i don't know what he's talking about but that i'm happy to keep being friends with him. again, i don't stop the flirting-that's-not-quite-flirting.

this continues all the way until the end of the year. he tells me before i graduate that he really cares for me and doesn't want to lose touch after i leave. i promise him we won't. at this point i'd realized the gravity of my actions and had come to regret the way i treated finn, and decided the best course of action was to let our friendship fizzle out after i graduate. so i stop responding as frequently to him, he eventually stops reaching out until finally we lost contact and i delete his number.

i know that what happened was kinda fucked up, but how bad of a fuck up was this tumblr?

(secondary question: is this something that would've had a lasting impact on him and his view of relationships? i hope it isn't. i hope he forgot about me quickly. i hope he's doing better and has found someone who actually likes him.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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femme-enby · 6 months ago

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Sooo… I guess I’m considering writing a fanfic?

Firstly- better late than never I suppose, as it would be for the DCA from FNAF, and that hype has died down dramatically it seems…

Ive got a… decent? In terms of detail, outline (which in and of itself is a miracle bc ask any of my old English teachers & they’d tell you getting me to write an outline was not only a fight, but downright something I just… would not do. I’d just write my essays. I’d do wonderful but… struggled severely with outlines.) so if I do start writing I’d know where I’m going and how I’m getting there, more or less ofc.

As it is now, the outline I’ve got, kinda gives the option to “okay I’m done” in… 2-3 spots? Depending EXACTLY what route I go, so, for example you could be like “and they all live happily ever after, with the DCA in the daycare & reader working w them” or “and they all live happily ever after, after the events, platonically” ooooor “these idiots openly romantically love each other” (the last being the “true ending” of sorts, bc once there’s confirmed romance my brain is like “okay we did it we’re done” and will fail to elaborate much beyond that.)

It’d be like… hurt comfort? Enemies or simply strangers to besties/lovers? Slow (AF) burn?

We will smooch the robot. Platonically definitely, romantically… up to you I suppose? In a sense?

We will not be diddling the robot.

Soooo… yeah? I’ve got a three day weekend coming up, considering using those nights off to write… probably gonna write regardless of interest folks share on here but I’m also curious if there’s anyone who’s like “oh yeah, that sounds like my shit”

Probably wouldn’t have a beta… sharing indulgent writing is already a big deal and sharing it on a 1 to 1 level is somehow more stressful to me than just sharing it publicly for everyone and their mama to see. But!!! I would not be too terribly worried about that if it concerns you- I also rarely if ever proof read my essays in school & teachers said they were essentially perfect soooo…

My only fear(s)?

1) my writing might be TOO formal

2) my writing might be too INFORMAL.

again- I excelled in essays. Formal tone. I fear for my ability to write a story instead of an essay… but hey, if you don’t mind me also fighting for my life to figure THAT shit out, in my first ever fanfic, 🤷‍♂️

It will (hopefully) be long.

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haljathefangirlcat · 10 months ago

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My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “Beowulf” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

literal years later, when I least expected it: dude I swear I just saw Cain's spawn lurking in the fens

My buddy the narrator pacing: Hrothulf is plotting against his uncle

The thing about Beowulf is... I never quite got the hype about it. (Yes, we're not Supposed to use words like "hype" about world literature Classics, especially from ancient times, or to make light of them in general. Shut up and contemplate the fact that social media posts expressing nothing more than personal opinions and feelings aren't generally meant to be the same thing as academic work to be shared between academians in an academic context.) Ofc, I understood its historical value, including in terms of linguistics and philology. But in terms of "would I pick this as reading material to obsess and fall into a research hole over"? Despite trying a few times, I never quite got past ALL the references to God every other line. ("Snorri was an Evil Zealot who set out to knowingly and purposefully Christianize Norse mythology For The Evulz" crowd, I will tattoo each and every single one of those all over your body so you can't look into a mirror without accidentally reading one ever again.) The apparently disjointed "Beowulf fights Grendel and then Grendel's mother in Denmark. Years later, after going back to Sweden and becoming king, he also fights a dragon but this time he dies" narrative didn't really appeal to me, either. Nor did the presence of (afaik) exactly one (1) named female character. (Wealhtheow, babe, in hindsight I'm so sorry.)

I'm not sure what changed, exactly. It's just that, some time ago, I finally got around to reading Grendel by John Gardner, and I loved it and thought "wow, this would have made me either bawl my eyes out or stare off into space for like five-to-ten minutes after finishing it, had I read it as a teen." And after that, I found myself thinking "well, now I should probably get to know know the original story," and finally picking up my copy of Tolkien's translation of Beowulf, and realzing there actually was a lot going on in the story, and getting way too engaged in the looming "Hrothulf kills Hrothgar's kids" subplot that doesn't even really resurface in any later material about Hrolf Kraki (though those aren't exactly free from fucked-up family dynamics, either...), and going "!!! Volsungar mention!!!!" at the bit about Sigemund and Fitela despite already knowing about the Sigemund and Fitela bit and the whole "who actually killed the dragon first/in which tradition" question, and losing my mind at the bit about Hama and the "necklace of the Brosings" and "Eormanaric's hate" because, yeah, I already knew about that one, too, kind of, but recently I've gone into a little bit of a Brisingamen deep-dive, and a while ago I read a really interesting commentary and translation of the Hildebrandslied that had quite a lot to say not just about the specific hatred/enmity of a powerful king for an adventurous hero but also about the shift from Odoacher to Ermanric as Dietrich' von Bern's enemy, which ofc (?) got me thinking about Eormanaric/Ermanric/Jormunrek's apparent widespread reputation for being an asshole, something there probably has to be some accessible paper in English about somewhere out there...

Ahem. Anyway, I also found myself alternating reading Tolkien's translation with watching Grendel Grendel Grendel, the weird and very simplified and toned down but still somehow very enjoyable and sad kids' movie adaptation of Gardner's Grendel. And Beowulf & Grendel, the one without any magic where Grendel's a traumatized Neanderthal on a quest of vengeance that's somehow also quite a good watch despite the wonky editing, the cast and crew being possibly cursed by the Norse gods, and ofc, the time-displaced Neanderthals. And Animated Epics: Beowulf, which I might have actually watched once as a child, thinking about it. And Simon Roper and Jackson Crawford's read-along, featuring interesting linguistic, literary, and historical notes as well as Australian!Hrothgar, Beowulf making it exceedingly clear that "some of my best friends are Danes!", and some unforgettable exchanges such as "I used to tell my students the story about that time I almost drove off a cliff when they were worried about their exams to make them undestand that I, too, had experienced the fear of death :|" "I'm glad you didn't perish :)" "Thanks. :|" (I'm on the Fits 8-11 video, btw. Even if, when it comes to Tolkien's translation, I'm already at the part where Beowulf says goodbye to Hrothgar and sails back to the land of the Geats. Look, I remebered thos videos existed somewhat belatedly.)

I think eventually I might also end up rewatching The 13th Warrior (which I'm gonna go out on a limb and say might be the true origin of the ahistorical Neanderthals in Beowulf & Gredenl, but I remember liking that one, too). And Outlander (my beloved "aliens crash-land in Viking Age Scandinavia and fight each other while being Sad & Tragic in their own ways" one, not the Scottish one) but specifically as a Beowulf reimagining this time around (rather than as "the movie that could have totally had the Brooding Hero, Fiery But Sweet Warrior Woman, and Hotheaded Rival-Turned-Friend invent modern polyamory, because that wouldn't have been weirder than having a character called Boromir" like every other time). Maybe that weird post-apocalyptic Beowulf that was the first to do the "Grendel's mom's got it goin' on" thing, too, at least if I can find that snarky review of it on Youtube again. Probably not the Uncanny CGI Desperately Trying To Be Live-Action 20O5 Beowulf where the titular hero keeps screaming "BEOWULF!!" and "I'M BEOWULF!!!" just in case the audience's intelligence levels can't be considered to be above the average rock's, and that also decided to add a foot fetish/body paint kink note to its cover of Grendel's Mom, though, unless I can find any snarky review of it. (I remember reading somewhere that the director actually hated Beowulf, as in the poem itself, and accepting the bit of info without question. The high heels-shaped feet are just one of the reasons why I wonder if anyone ever asked him if perhaps he hated women, too. At least his work supposedly contributed to the writers of Outlander being told "there's already too many Beowulf movies coming out!" and going "whatever, we're gong to do our own thing! With blackjack and hookers aliens and shieldmaidens", so I should probably thank him for that.)

Unfortunately, while I'm pretty sure I'll be able to avoid writing down a list of Adaptations I Absolutely Need To Check Out One Day Or I'll Die (i.e. Every Single I've Ever Heard About) like I did for The Nibelungs In Their Every Possible Form, all of this had the unforeseen side effect of reminding me that, even when I didn't have much if any interest in Beowulf, I used to have a bit of soft spot for Unferth. I mean, how could I not, when I imprinted on Hagen von Tronje when I was eleven-years-old? Give me a guy who knows all of The Hero's heroic deeds and still doesn't find him all that impressive from their very first meeting, and I'll just "👀" at him. Though from what I knew, this guy in particular seemed to go against his character type by becoming more friendly with the hero and lending him his ancestral sword, which seemed pretty interesting. Especially because he was apparently a fratricide, too? And you wouldn't expect a guy who killed his own brothers and got a "... and that's why you'll go to Hell!" by The Hero over it to have any kind of redemption arc/sudden reveal of hidden depths in any positive sense. And there was also that paper (which, ofc, I didn't bookmark at the time, and now I want to kick myself for that until I remember the title or at least the author...) arguing that maybe him telling off Beowulf about the swimming race was less about him as a person and more about him having a specifc role among the thanes in Heorot that included testing strangers requesting to speak with Hrothgar to figure out if they really were who they claimed to be or if they could actually live up to their reputation...

Again, I blame John Gardner, at least in part. He has a really crunchy Unferth, who definitely reawakened my interest in the character. The on in Grendel Grendel Grendel wasn't half-bad, either, though very different in some respects. But the original, too, ended up being actually so much more fun (meaning, so much more to chew on/rotate in my mind) than I could have imagined from my vague memories.

First you've got the iconic "didn't you look like a total loser against Breca, and isn't that literally all there is to know about you?" "shut up, you're drunk, a kinslayer, someone I have never heard anyone tell heroic tales about, and also, maybe if you were braver Grendel wouldn't keep eating you guys" banter, and I'm starting to realize that might be already more juicy, in terms of both Beowulf's and Unferth's characterizations and their interactions together, than I ever thought it was. Then you've got a line that sounds an awful lot like "everyone could see Grendel's severed arm hanging from the ceiling and that shut Unferth up" and seems to imply some sort of lingering bitterness on Unferth's side when Heorot is in the middle of the celebrations for Grendel's death. But then Unferth actually starts being described in much more favorable terms, almost as if the narrator were pointing out that, despite what the audience might think after his first appearance, there's a reason he's close to Hrothgar and has a good place in his hall... even if at the same time Unferth's praised for his "mighty heart" (something quite different from cowardice), wisdom, and the trust everyone in Heorot apparently has in his mind, there's actually another reference to him having had no mercy for his relatives "in the play of swords" in the past. (Fun little detail: that line comes right after one to the effect of "Hrothgar and Hrothulf were there and no betrayal had yet happened between them"...)

Until, finally, you get Beowulf preparing to go fight Grendel's mother and Unferth giving him his family's swords, Hrunting. And all kinds of entertaining things happen in relation to Hrunting.

You've got Unferth not remembering his first words to Beowulf because he was just really, really, really drunk when he said them, which seems to go well with Beowulf himself calling out his speech as a drunken boast but not with the "that shut him up" line I mentioned before. (Which leads me to wonder: was he actually too drunk to know what he was saying? Or did Beowulf give him an easy out in case he regretted it, which Unferth eventually chose to take to try and smooth things over?) You've got Unferth being "mighty of valour" yet not daring to go after Grendel's mother himself and "forfeiting glory" while giving his weapon to a "worthier" warrior, but his sword getting some lengthy praise nonetheless, to the point of being basically deemed infallible, and Beowulf not only not making any more comments on Unferth's supposed lack of bravery but calling him a man of "wide renown", praising his sword some more, vowing to succeed in his heroic feat with Hrunting or die trying, and telling Hrothgar that no matter what happens, Unferth must get it back when it's all over. And after that... you've got Hrunting utterly failing to kill or even harm Grendel's mother.

Except, that's literally the first time it ever fails at anything? And Beowulf can only kill Grendel's mother when, with the help of God, he finds a magical sword forged by giants, which implies there was no problem with it (and, by extension, with Unferth?) as the whole situation simply needed a little something extra to be dealt with?

Then, you've got Beowulf actually bringing Hrunting back, even if it wasn't much use to him when it really mattered. And praising it again, making sure to publicly clarify, while addressing Hrothgar himself, that no, it really is an excellent sword. And, after some more "the monster is dead!" celebration, Unferth himself (unambiguously "bold", now) having the sword brought over again not just to lend it Beowulf, but to gift it to him.... a weapon that is both nothing to sneeze at and, as Beowulf himself has acknowledged while praising it, a family heirloom. (From a guy who probably already has enough complicated feelings about his family without running around giving that kind of stuff away, to boot!) One Beowulf accepts once more, and gladly, already figuring it will be "a good friend in war, a power in battle" and saying absolutely nothing bad about it (the narrator goes "oh he's so gallant!" at him after that bit, which is admittedly kind of hilarious in itself, but still, imho, not really much to go on if you want to think he's not being sincere) right before he announces his intentions to sail back home.

I'm gonna be honest: I had already read most fics tagged Beowulf/Unferth on AO3 before this Beowulf binge. And now, I've gone and reread them. I've actually read the ones I'd missed the first time around, too. Not that it took me much time at all, but still. WildandWhirling has two really lovely ones. This innuendo-heavy one is a delight to read, too.

I think I might end up writing at least one more. Maybe canon!verse, if I manage not to spiral into researching Old English attitudes to homosexuality, or maybe Modern!AU, if I manage to find a good way to transliterate "sailing off to another country to slay monsters" in this century in a convincing way. Even just to have more than six works in the tag itself. But we'll see...

I suppose, in the end, the whole point of this random, almost stream-of-consciousness post (besides freeing up my head from at least some of my recent Beowulf thoughts) might have turned out to be just that, no matter who they are, fangirls will, indeed, always make them gay. (... I say, as if this was a surprise and I didn't already ship a number Nibelungenlied-and-adjacent gay ships I got into way before any of this.) It wasn't its original purpose but *shrug* I'll take it.

Then again... come on. All that talking about swords. *grin*

#beowulf #beowulf x unferth

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dearinglovebot · 3 months ago

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oml hi! what are your headcanons for claire and owen when they were at school? here are some of mine:

claire would defnitely be on good tersm with everyone, i feel like she'd be popular in the way that she knew everyone

but she's classify everyone as aquaintences though and call it 'networking'

would be super annoyed by everyone in her class constantly talking abt marriage and kids like thats the only option for her (alas i wish she was in my class i'd have someone to survive those trenches with 😔)

straight A+ student ofc

owen wouldn't really care for school i think

he'd get like alright grades

he'd be like 55% class clown if that makes sense?

super good at PE tho like he'd be the Pe Kid (TM)

i think he had a pet dog or cat (or both?) but they died

i kinda hc that his parents were pretty shitty. idk why but i do. (shhh let me project)

constantly getting into fights with vic hoskins but everyone agrees vic is annoying as HELL so eh he gets a pass socially-speaking

also:

in dodgeball the teachers always put claire and owen on the same team bc the two of them against each other means the match lasts FOREVER and if it does end it's a tie followed by an argument of who won that lasts for two weeks. like claire vs owen in dodgeball would be legendary. and like +340% hype bc everyone's 10 and dodgeball matches are IT when ur ten (can u tell i miss primary school dodgeball 😔)

hello anonnie! brace yourself cause this is a level 5 yapnado

I don’t agree with EoC a lot (...most things) but it hits my high school headcanons very well. that is to say, she is weird and off-putting to the general public. particularly sheltered midwestern kids who absolutely will be raised on the housewife/breadwinner-husband cool-aid in the 90s. they’re all obsessed with settling down with kids in the same town they were raised in while she’s trying to escape to a big city and get a master's degree. they’re doing the 90s equivalent of calling her woke blue hair liberal with pronouns. not outright bullying her but like... side-eyeing her. she's not really being invited to parties. which is fine! (it is not fine. she is lonely).

she has sooooo many autistic traits that i do just consider it part of my personal canon and that will NOT help her. her hyperfixation is going to college and she stims by doing homework (exaggerating. but only partially). i love my queen dearly but she does not have cool autism that makes you do cool art installations. she has collecting alaskan postage stamps from the 1800s type autism. she is a loser that few will truly appreciate <33 like fine wine

claire being from no-where wisconsin in the 80s-90s is sooo vital to understanding why she is #likethat. small town midwest is basically the deep south politically except in the south people will straight up say "women belong in the kitchen" and in the north they'll go "oh. you want a degree? how quaint [condescending tone]". she's used to everything being a backhanded compliment and proving that she deserves what she has. it makes her super defensive and lean towards interpreting things as malicious even when they're not. which is why, on the island, people don't really like her. she's the mean boss lady who won't even do small talk with her peasants

she absolutely is a straight A student. that is PRESIDENT of the debate club to you. she's a teacher's pet who Will do the extra credit work every time and has perfectly chosen her extra curriculars based on what will look best on her college application.

i also think she'd start working about as soon as she legally could. not only is that the smart financial move (start saving as soon as possible) but it looks amazing on college applications too. she is absolutely maximizing what she is able to accomplish in a day

overall, it really isn't an experience she thinks of fondly. she spends most of her teenhood devoted to trying to escape the poor, rural lifestyle she was born into. it's another stepping stone in her 10 stage plan to conquer a small nation. and she wouldn't regret any of it until her life inevitably comes crashing down (indominus incident) because only then does she realize she's been chasing material wealth instead of internal happiness for her entire life

owen has none of the crazy ambition claire does bc he's normal. he would take it one day at a time with vague goals of where he wants to end up. as long as he does the bare minimum of passing the class then he's doing pretty good. best subject science, worst subject literature

owen is from the 80-90s deep south which also heavily influences how i view his characterization. as a funny guy who enjoys very traditionally masculine things like construction and sports, he's going to be very well liked. everyone likes someone who makes you laugh. but overall it's pretty surface level. nobody asks about his day. he's gonna be like "damn is this really all i am to them??". but it's not like he can say that cause then he's being weird and emotional (toxic masculinity culture). so whatever. he keeps balling. (represses vulnerability and compensates by going even harder into funny sport guy routine)

so really he's the guy everyone "knows" but they're gonna lose contact the moment he leaves town. which is whatever. he has his wholeeeee life ahead of him to make some #real friends (his only long term friends include barry, the raptors, and sometimes claire)

he has proven time and time again he has no problem speaking his mind so yeah he's punching every hoskins that comes along and getting a few days suspension over it. he would not gaf tho bc his internal sense of justice is stronger than any school related punishment

he's the kind of kid who mows the lawn for your mom for pocket change and volunteers at the animal shelter

not the worst but yeah he's not that interested in reliving that

not including much about their individual family dynamics because thats an entirely different yap session

also:

in a hypothetical au where they're in the same high school, i believe it would go like this: claire is brilliant and smart in every class they share meaning he's enamored with her big words, she thinks all sports guys are meathead jocks and actively avoids them, she tutors for extra cash after school and he's on the verge of failing lit, she takes him on as a client and he's like wowza the whole time, she's like can you focus on the themes of shakespeare already and stop looking into my eyes longingly every few minutes i'm starting to think you aren't even interested in the deeper meanings of the rivalry between the veronas and capulets (she isn't picking up on a single hint), and now he is actively pretending like he doesn't understand any of the assignments to "get her guidance" on them (she still doesn't get the hint and is wondering if he got a concussion at some point)

#jurassic world #claire dearing #owen grady #claire x owen #clawen #asks

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marinaiguess · 2 years ago

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the vocal themes from frontiers describe a specific theme on their lyrics and it gradually turns from fear to acceptance (i suppose) i’ll be talking abt these (in the order of their “appearance” in game): i’m here, undefeatable, break through it all, find your flame, vandalize.

(also spoilers)

i’m here is a lot about doubting and reassurance. it starts with sonic “leaving the life he knew before” “finding the truth of who he’s meant to become”, revealing a degree of uncertainty. despite the fact sonic has always moved forward, “to new horizons”, he “fights this fear, with his life”, fights the fear of losing his friends. but in the next pre-chorus, it seems like he can hear his friends (“don’t be afraid, i will be with you”) who are trying to reassure him and give him the strength he needs to keep on fighting. in the end, he still moves forward, but now he’s more assured as “the way ahead’s becoming clear.”

undefeatable is about a strong sense of confidence that overshadows the real emotions sonic is feeling (a topic touched by the next song as well). that’s mostly fear. sonic seems to be handling everything well so far, even saying that “think im on 11 but im on a 9, guess u dont really know me” which shows he really believes he is “undefeatable” and that makes sense, especially since he is in his super form for the first time since the beginning of their adventure and is certain the chaos emeralds will help him complete his mission (he doesnt know yet that the emeralds disperse after visiting a different island). however, he keeps repeating “face your fear” and it serves as a reminder to himself that he cant avoid this emotion. “i used to never know/this feeling’s just a ghost” is him trying to persuade himself that this fear is momentary and that he has to focus on the battle to keep moving forward.

break through it all is about accepting and overcoming the fear. sonic still tries to convince himself to keep the fight going (“dont look down”) but at the same time he’s calling out to his enemy (”show yourself”). that’s when he’s found most of his friends but has yet to find tails. he wants to end this and quickly, so he doesnt wait for the enemy to appear on its own. now he knows that he “cant hide from what he feels”, he’s still afraid but more determined (”no more compromise, this is do or die”) and ready to risk it all. half of the chorus is sonic’s friends hyping him up, telling him that he “wont fade out, cuz the fire in him never dies” and that he shouldnt stop cuz they have a mission. sonic has been listening to them and he knows they have been with him this whole time, so he accepts that they will be okay cuz they are fighting alongside him (”we wont stop until the battle’s won”) and until the end of the song, sonic talks on behalf of all of them.

find your flame is about the ultimate disappearance of that fear. theres no fear overshadowing what he has to do (”take a seat, im on a mission”) and he’s carrying his friends with him in this one (”we wont back down”). sonic has surpassed his frontiers (”im here to go beyond my limit”), he is at the worst state possible (cybercorrpution) and is eager to end the fight, even more now that hes reunited with his little bro. (”i’ve been waiting for my moment to strike”). he has no inhibitions, he’s not restraining himself, he’s not feigning confidence but he is filled with it (all the pre-chorus indicates that).

now, heres an interesting take (which ofc may be completely wrong but oh well): “will the whole world know your name/ when we dance with destiny?” is a line asked by sage, trying to understand sonic. “im never gonna stop believing” is tails’ response as he tries to prevent sonic from doubting himself. he is the only one who has been with sonic for the longest time, the only one who “has been there and has seen it”, sonic’s willpower and strength, so he reminds him that “he’ll find his flame” (it connects with the conversation sage and tails had regarding sonic’s abilities). and now, sonic is sure that this is “the end of the show” and that he’ll find his flame thanks to his friends.

vandalize is about the aftermath. sonic was betrayed (”you promised to help me rebuild/you caught me off guard”) he is in pain. this whole adventure has left a mark, it has vandalized his heart. from losing his friends, to finding them, to not being able to save them, to having to find the chaos emeralds again and again while fighting the cyber corruption and then getting betrayed but also barely managing to make it out in one piece yet not being able to save everyone (rip sage). there’s no fear. just determination, certainty. and pain. even when the physical pain stops, the emotional damage (LOL) has been dealt. no matter what happens next, this adventure has left a mark on sonic.

#thats all i guess #(Not me singing bring you back while writing this down)#im bored to edit this further so #here you go people #what do yall think #sonic frontiers spoilers #sonic frontiers #sth #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sonic and tails #sage the ai #im here #undefeatable #break through it all #find your flame #vandalize

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boorydarthnader · 8 months ago

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Hi there ^^ this is for the Danganronpa ask: 3, 9, 13, 22, and 25. Also 35 if the other questions aren't already over the limit here 😅

3. Did you have a character you hated at first then fell in love with later?

For me, it was Fuyuhiko ngl. Like, going into SDR2 blind, my fave was actually Peko before it was Chiaki. Finding out that Peko's reason to murder and subsequently the cause of her death was because she was connected to Fuyuhiko got me really upset lol. Though looking back on it now, I can only imagine that he blames himself for all that as much as I did. He's a stand up guy with a cool eyepatch to me now.

9. Who's your least favorite protagonist?

Uh unfortunately its Makoto. I OFC do not hate him, not one bit , but to me he's just a little guy and I do like it that way but I didn't latch onto him as hard as say Hajime or Kaede.

13. What's your OTP?

I live and breath Hinanami if it wasn't already clear lol. Non-DR OTP is Sulemio from Gundam The Witch from Mercury. I haven't made any full art of them yet because there's already so much good art of them going around whereas for hinanami, the art for them has died down in recent times, and I am here to fill the hinanami shaped void in my heart.

22. A setting I'd like to see for a killing game: uh maybe some military compound to poke fun at the military-industrial complex idk, I need to give this more thought

25. What character surprised you when they were revealed to be the blackened?

I'd love to say that I was shocked when Chiaki was revealed as the traitor and blackened in Chapter 5, but unfortunately I saw it coming as it felt like the game was hyping up something especially bad happening by then. It was really Kaede that surprised me the most. Like c'mon a murder protag was unheard of and I went into it blind, how could I have seen it coming?

35. Honest opinion on the end of V3?

When I was playing through it I thought it was hype af, and I can see why its ending was was pretty controversial. I might try to put my thoughts on its ending in more detail in the future but overall I liked it then and I still think it's a good send of the series now. ( Especially if I allow it to make me believe that DR1 and SDR2 are works of fiction in-universe and therefore hinanami is canon and alive trust me my uncle is Kodaka)

#danganronpa #sdr2 #drthh

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squalodinoappreciationsquad · 10 months ago

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Headcanons: Dino Cavallone's entire family tree - Pt. 1

Because I can and I will.

Ofc this is ALL headcanons and also I have ADHD, pls don't take this too seriously.

So, because of several conversations I had with beloved anons, I am going to do this at best of my ability, because I am very hyped.

Let's start this one. Under cut pls :D

PART ONE!!!

The Cavallone Family Ancestor

Well, all families have a start and sometimes the start is not as glorious as one might think.

The first was Bencivenni lo Caballone. He was a knight who rersponded to Pope Innocent III's call for crusades. He participated to the Fourth Crusade (1202-1204), sacked Costantinople (1204) bringing home some souvenirs, let's call the loot like that.

The Pope ofc granted him a piece of land on the Romagnan coast, a small castle, a noble title and the forgiveness for all of his sins, because that's what the Pope had for people who could not pay actual cash money to have their sins forgiven.

Also "lo Caballone" was originally just a nickname, but that is how the 60% of Italian surnames were born.

We now have several centuries of relative anonymity, during which the family formally established their name as Cavallone and expanded their influence through strategic alliances and marriages and whatnot.

Most notably, the firstborn daughter of Marquis Duccio Cavallone, Gemma, was sent to be married into the D'Este family, a most notable noble family (c.a. 1400s) and a couple of centuries later the second born son of Marquis Petronio Cavallone, Ambrogio Cavallone, became a quite influential cardinal at the Vatican (c.a. 1600s).

This of course granted the family quite the fortune, and also granted their survival amongst the various wars among who should rule the Sacred Roman Empire, who had to be Pope and who should survive Plague 1.0 (1300s) and Plague 2.0 (1600s).

But then we arrive at the 1700s.

The Austrian Wars and the birth of Cavallone the 1st

This will be the summary of the summary of the summary historically speaking.

The 1700s are interesting years for the peninsula. Italy will only fully reunite only in 1871, so there is still a long way to go. Historically speaking the Spanish who had invaded the peninsula and took possession of it started to lose their grip, also because King Charles II of Ausburg dies with no heir, thus beginning a war lasting for 13 years, they therefore sign first the Peace of Utrecht in 1713, the Treaty of Rastatt in 1714 and finally the Treaty of Aja in 1720, thus ending their domination in the peninsula.

The peninsula is not free, but becomes property to be sold and divided among the powerful dynasties. It is a mess and by 1748 the geopolitical panorama has completely changed.

This includes also the Romagnan territory, which is now half under the Medici's dominion and half under the Pope's dominion. Which means that all of the small families were very limited. However the Romagnan people were rioting and this is definitely fertile soil for ANY sort of change.

Now, up until that moment the Cavallone family has been fairly quiet, but all of this happening in their area is worrying, so Duke Domenico Cavallone has to do some damage control.

It's the period where the Illuminists really take on Italy, so there are newspapers, magazines for men and for women, cafes, places where people can debate and talk about phylosophy et cetera.

So Domenico Cavallone invests some cash money and becomes the patron and founder of several cafes and promotes several magazines and newspapers.

He also pours some other cash money in creating his own personal army, which will later become the foundation of the future bosses body of subordinates.

This is because he is secretly financing the riots against the Pope/the Medici and he is expecting an attack at any moment.

And the attack arrives.

Duke Domenico Cavallone is in the front line, ready to defend his turf. There is also his army behind him and the Pope has sent his army to quiet down, quote, "the dirt and the plebs", but the pope was expecting barely armed populace, NOT a full army and the Duke Cavallone.

Chronicles report that the Commander in charge of the Pope's army told Duke Cavallone that he would be in trouble, and that the Duke replied with a "we will talk after I win".

And the Duke won. Chronicles report that a white flame engulfed him as he charged to defend his city and his land and defeated the Pope's army. Ever since a flame mark appeared on his left arm.

In any case after the defeat the Pope retreated and left the Duke and his territory alone. The Duke however was excommunicated, and the excommunication has not yet been lifted.

None of the Cavallone has had any interest in having that lifted yet though.

Duke Domenico and his wife Bice Ricciardelli went on and prospered. They had four children who lived after infancy. The second born and first son, Alvise Cavallone, inherited the will and the assets of Duke Domenico Cavallone.

Lo and behold the family tree part 1

***

NEXT GENERATION ON A DIFFERENT POST!

#khr #kateikyoushi hitman reborn #katekyo hitman reborn #cavallone family tree #cavallone family #khr headcanons

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dojae-huh · 4 months ago

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I don’t understand why JH fans think the promotion will be short. The album will be released in August. The teasing starts from 12/08, right after the end of Olympic and I suppose that’s a 2-week teasing so the album will be out on 26/08 (Monday). After that he can do 2-week promotion as a normal solo rookie, none forces him to wrap up his activities in August. Why be so dramatic? Maybe it’s later than other for the press confirmation but I don’t think it can help anything announcing his solo during the Olympic high time, it will get buried. The longer teasing period won’t help either. As for NCT in general, the hype of nonfan usually dies down quite fast without a video/music teaser, a bunch of photo is not as attractive to casual music listener. As a Kpop fan, I think 2 weeks is appropriate for a solo artist.

Ofc, there are still many problems going on with SM management but fans need to stop their pettiness over trivial things to show their bias are mistreated compared to others and focus on what really matters.

Jaehyun's album (the music, the fact it is happening finally) is less important than the status of the bias. And for the status sale numbers, promotional period, MV views - everything is compared with the other neos. The stans with this mentality will find fault and "not enough" in everything. Like with Tae the fact that he got two albums in the same astronomic year, that both albums consisted of his own songs wasn't enough, fans wanted a concert and a longer promotion despite him enlisting and participating in the last preparations for 127's album.

Jae has a tv-series, a movie, he is the centre in 127, replacing Tae, he has Prada, solo magazine pictorials, he is pretty noticeable on the latest album Walk, he represented k-pop on LA Kcon as a narrator, he performed with his favourate Western artist, he looks very happy this year.... not enough!!! He is mistreated! SM stands in the way of his solo career and hates him!

I agree with your points. Fans have saved money already, will buy the album in a 5 minute notice, and non-fans will care only once they see the MV/musical shows.

Imagine the melee that will happen once 127, wayv and dream neos will be releasing their albums simultaneously, there are not enough months in the year to sort them, heh. 2 neos per month.

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cutthroat-crimson · 9 months ago

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My Alterhuman Update

Sorry I’m not posting as much. Don’t worry Thanos didn’t snap me out (yet)

I’ve been an anxious mess ever since my source has been releasing trailers and whatnot. Handling that sorta stuff is difficult when it’s abrupt like trailers, billboards, and other things I wasn’t expecting to see.

I don’t know how I will react to the film itself but I know (good or bad) it will affect my alterhuman identity for sure. Only thing that’s guaranteed is me going batshit over this ha! So I’m stepping back from my blog for a little bit, Just until the movie hype dies down.

I’m worried about a lot of things at the moment but my main concern is loosing relevancy in the alterhuman community. Constant ranting is how I stay around, and how I stay in touch with you guys <3 I’m just praying that everything will be the same when I get back

Some positivity in the ask would be deeply appreciated but ofc if you don’t want to, that’s cool too

I’ll probably be a little more silent for like a month and then I’ll row back to my long paragraphs and moodboards. I’ll check it out every once in awhile and answer ask but that’s about it. I hope you all understand ily :)

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noa-ciharu · 2 years ago

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FuuKam [double) ---- i believe in your ability😎😎 even it is short---

Ofc i can't keep anything short so 1.5k of mostly fluff. TRC universe as fluffy x!fuukam is close to impossible to even imagine, let alone write.

Edit: my mistake I answered the wrong ask lmao guess imma be needing those glasses.

Anywho, without further ado:

22 (playful teasing) + 28 (surprising with favorite treat) + little bit of 9 (exchanging gifts):

“Get out of my sight before I make you”

Second later sound of footsteps died down. Kamui needn’t turn around to know Fuuma stood few feet behind him. Noone else in their right mind would seek him out; at the dead of night only would if base was under attack.

Plus, the scent. It was far too familiar to Kamui’s liking. Given how much time they’ve spent in intimately close proximity, nothing less was to be expected. Bitter pill to swallow, but it simply was the fact.

“So mean Kamui”, Fuuma puffed, faked woefulness. “What if I have something for you?”

Curiosity got best of him, Kamui glanced over shoulder. Pitch black darkness, however vampire abilities allowed him to discern Fuuma’s hand was in pocket; perhaps he, indeed, brought something and wasn’t teasing him for sake of teasing.

It’s been day or two since Kamui last feasted on this one human in particular. Humans are too fragile, demise is inevitable if they lose too much blood. It would be distasteful to lose only willing prey in this universe, let alone to recklessness. That wasn’t the sole reason Kamui would rather avoid Fuuma’s preventable death, but only one he was willing to admit.

Kamui raised up and began crossing distance between them. “Do you have a death wish?”, he murmured under breath, loud enough for Fuuma to hear him. He halted once got couple inches away from Fuuma. Kamui eyed his exposed neck and tried to dampen down rising bloodlust.

Fuuma smiled in a way that made Kamui wish to wipe that grin off with both his fist and lips. Then he eased hand out of pocked and extended the object forwards. It was a pink heart-shaped … something? Understatement to say he was puzzled.

“This is for you”, tone half amused half flirty, like Fuuma was expecting the bafflement.

Soft chuckle from Fuuma. After slight pause he offered - “It’s chocolate”

Ah. Kamui has definitely heard of human treat named as such but never had spark of curiosity to find out what the whole hype was about; brushed it off as ‘yet another humans’ nonsense’. Before Kamui could pounder on how he ought to proceed about whole ordeal Fuuma shoved gift into his hands. Seeing no reason to refuse, Kamui accepted the package; extended nails and ripped package apart.

He lifted cover up and there they were – dozens of tiny brown heart-shaped things. Those gotta be chocolates, he reflected on seeing similar stuff in shops in more civilized universes.

“You’re in such hurry to unwrap my gift, I’m flattered”, Fuuma gloated further, went as far to wink at him. Kamui had to bite back impulse to elbow him.

“Shut up or you’ll be the next thing these nails will slash through”, he settled on threatening instead. Of course they both knew Kamui won’t really do that. Hence Fuuma only beamed further. Smug bastard.

Kamui was in no shape or form familiar with humans traditions, he had no clue why Fuuma opted for such gift. Blood packages would have been far more useful, desserts and human food in general served no purpose to vampires.

“Vampires don’t eat chocolate. I don’t need this”, Kamui explained and shoved box back towards Fuuma. He didn’t accept it back.

Instead Fuuma made and exaggerated mournful expression and released equally exaggerated moan of distress; lamented like world was ending. “Kamui you wound me!”, Fuuma cried out, even went as far to wipe away fake tears.

“What an impolite way to refuse my romantic gesture”

Romantic huh? Oh right, humans associated light colored and heart-shaped stuff to ‘love’ and ‘romance’. So sentimental, so unneeded. Looks like his human succumbed to that idiocy as well. Kamui sighed and retraced nails; sharply gazed up att Fuuma and wordlessly demanded further elaboration.

Fuuma got the message that such traditions were unfamiliar to vampires as he muttered rushed okay and pushed on - “In world I’m from we celebrate holiday called ‘Valentine’s day’. All the lovers gather, share gifts and celebrate -“

“don’t describe our relationship in such disgusting way”

“- hush hush Kamui, it is a fitting description. Since I have no way of knowing when precise date is here but I’m sure a full year has passed, I decided little celebration is due“

“So a little token of appreciation”

Fuuma finished with sheepish grin, telltale what was on his mind – idiotic fantasy of them being lovey dovey. Of course it was some romantic stupidity , Kamui reflected; then frowned further. Obviously this meant something to Fuuma, otherwise he would have gone out of his way to contact multidimensional witch for that gift. Did he have no shame at all? Unbelievable.

Objectively observing the situation, Kamui had no real reason to refuse; chocolate would do him no harm. Frankly speaking, his appetite was whet, both figuratively and literally.

“Would you try one? For me?”, Fuuma prompted further with fake kicked puppy look. Manipulative bastard.

Kamui sighed; closed eyes as one look of Fuuma’s triumphant grin would evoke homicidal rage within him. Then Kamui gave one of chocolates a try.

Taste was…. It definitely was something. Sweet and syrupy, maybe a bit overtop; but Kamui find it that he relished in saccharine taste. Chocolate literally melted on tongue, made mouth water. Never before has he tasted anything similar, anything so sweet; flavor got him addicted in heartbeat in way that only blood could. Kamui’s eyes winded the moment he realized what he’s been missing all these decades.

He instantly was aware of one thing – no, one fact. He craved more.

“Good?”

During all that life-altering awe, it slipped Kamui’s mind he was under Fuuma’s keen eye. How stupid of him to let guard down like that, gotta be romance and chocolate’s fault. He’d be damned to admit chocolate got his mouth watering for more.

“….no”, Kamui lied, badly.

Without sparing Fuuma a glance he turned around and strolled back towards log he previously was seated on. Of course Fuuma followed him in a heartbeat; sat beside him and grinned like love-struck idiot. Their knees touched; Kamui’s heart skipped a beat, face heated up. Maybe there was something in chocolate to make him act like pinning teenager.

Fuuma leaned in and whispered into his ear - “I knew you’d like it”

Such husky tone, such close proximity, Kamui couldn't help shivering. Per impulse he pushed Fuuma away; self-preservation kicked in. That didn’t deteriorate Fuuma in slightest, he chuckled softly and fetched one of chocolates for himself.

In that moment something flashed in Kamui’s mind. Before he could reflect on what ought to be said and what better is left unsaid, Kamui asked - “You said gifts are meant to be mutual shared?”

The moment words left lips Kamui knew mushiness rot his brain alive. There was no other explanation for his behavior tonight. Anyhow, this too, gotta be Fuuma’s fault.

“They usual are”

“I don’t have anything for you”, Kamui replied resignedly. He stole one glance and Fuuma and spied a mouth-splitting grin along with playful glint in eyes. Unfortunately (or fortunately in this case), Kamui was far too familiar with what that over cheerful expression meant.

Fuuma opened mouth and beamed like he won the lottery – “Well, you ca-”

“No, I’m not giving you a kiss or whatever your perverted mind came up with”, Kamui glared and cut in.

Fuuma closed eyes and smiled sheepishly; raised palms up and laughed - “Caught red handed”

Falliing victim to previously denied impulse, Kamui elbowed him gently; perhaps Fuuma took it more as flirting for he only continued laughing. Vague blush raised to cheeks, Kamui tore gaze to side.

His eyes fell to chocolate box. Craving returned at lighting speed. He wanted to…

“Can I feed you rest of the chocolates?”

Do you even think before you speak, Kamui wanted to hiss back. Still, he wanted to taste those sweet sweet chocolates again and picking them in front of Fuuma felt like a defeat in a way. But on other hand, accepting Fuuma’s offer in a heartbeat would be fatal blow to pride, he’d be damned to give in so easily.

Kamui pouted and murmured under breath - “I’m not a baby to be fed”

“You’re missing a point”, Fuuma laughed and ruffled his hair. Before Kamui could retort and pushing him away Fuuma retreated.

Instead of listening, Fuuma picked one of chocolates and lifted it to Kamui’s lips; clearly ignored is half-baked protests. Still, Kamui puffed and refused to open lips; no matter how oh so much he wanted to.

“Just on this occasion Kamui. You’re always so cold and while I like your feisty attitude it only make me want to be lovey dovey with you more”, Fuuma teased further, expressed his yearnings and overall appeared like kicked puppy.

Deep down Kamui knew he was being manipulated into giving in to fluffy idiocy; knew refusal wouldn’t hurt Fuuma nearly as much as he pretended it would. Yet still…

Kamui sighed, parted lips and closed eyes. Even behind eyelids he could visualize Fuuma’s beam.

#and so Kamui realized he has a sweet tooth #for plot reasons vampires can eat human food and they just happen to get addicted to chocolate #cuz relatable #tsubasa chronicle #fuukam #thanks for prompt

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