#and the fact that she genuinely thinks she's the victim in all this too... what is going on in that brain

[weeping-fairy]

My first lil writing. Just Spencer Reid smut

Please be constructive, this is literally the first time I've ever written something like this. MDNI 18+

It has crying, unprotected pnv, multiple orgasms, non specific body size, sorta friends to lovers, sorta sub spencer, and ya things like that.

word count: 3131

Spencer has always had a thing for you. 

Poor guy could never admit that though. I mean you, in his eyes, is probably the most stunning person he had ever seen. Its not like he would watch from afar, no you guys are good friends. Every time you guys hang out he has a new fact to tell you, wanting to impress you. He especially loves to tell you things that he knows you are interested in. If you talk about anything he's researching it, trying to understand it the way you do. Its his way of getting closer to you. Him being an intellectual, he loves learning your brain. Youve even taught him a few things, mostly about social interactions, something he is not too good at. He studies the way you effortlessly coast through an awkward situation, how you avoid saying certain things, how you know when to talk and when not to. Its absolutely fascinating to him, how much you know about strangers. He's a profiler, and he's glad he gets to use his training to learn you. 

Whenever he comes home, he always goes to you. This case was particularly hard for him as it hit close to home. He couldn't help but to think of you. The victims friend deeply in love with her. She died the day he was going to tell her. And he had the misfortune of interrogating him for her murder. 

Through tears he explains, "Please you have to believe me, I had nothing to do with this.." the man unable to breathe, Spencer interrupts:

"What did you do when you found out about her boyfriend?"

The subject completely dumbfounded, "Her what?"

Spencer could tell he was being genuine, he had no idea about any boyfriend, he didn't kill her in a jealous rage, he loved her, and she will never know how much. 

Spencer had wished that you were there, to change the subject, or maybe provide your calming presence for the troubled man. If anyone could get him out of this, it would be you. After that awkward interview he couldn't push you out of his mind, how similar this situation is to his own. You could die, and you will never know how he feels. He starts to overthink on the jet ride home. 

"I've waited too long, she wouldn't like me back." 

"It doesn't matter, nobody wants the burden of being with me, I'm never home, she deserves someone who could be by her side"

"And what if by some sort of miracle she likes me back? then what, my job will put her in danger. everyone that i touch is murdered. Maybe i should just stay away, it'll help the both of us"

You knew that Spencer must've been having a hard time. He always keeps tabs on you, texting you everyday, occasionally a call if he gone for more than a week. 

This time its different, he hasn't gotten back at all. Its not total silence, but its enough to get you worried. 

You decide to text: "Hey, I hope every thing is ok, you haven't been talking to me as much. I'm not upset, i know that sometimes cases get hard and draining. I just want to be there for you if you want to talk about it, or something else to get your mind off of it. I look forward to hanging out when you get back, stay safe!"

His response is cold, which only worsens your anxiety

"Just a hard case. Don't want to get into it."

That's all? Spencer is never like this, ever. You can feel your heart drop, tears form. 

"Did i do something? Did i push to far, hurt him by accident?" You start to cry, but still respond:

"That's ok, let me know if you need anything at all, alright?" No response. A day later you stopped by his place, unannounced. He opens the door, obliviously surprised that its you. His eyes widen, he always looks at you like that. It makes your stomach flip and your cheeks flush. 

"hey i hope this ok, i just missed you." you end the what felt like a long pause. He says nothing, instead moving out your way to let you in. Its like second nature, he cant even think when he lets you in, he just knows he needs you around. 

You enter the space, you've been there 1000x before but this time there's an undeniable tension, it makes you nervous. Your head swirling with negative thoughts, worried that he hates you, you must've said something to trigger this behavior right?

When you show up at his house he's in awe. He had been pushing you away, the newest case affecting him in ways that made him uncomfortable. Made him face feelings that he had known were there but pushed away. But there you were anyways, in his home, just you. It had been too long, and just your presence had put him at ease. Due to the abnormal distance from you he was also unbelievably turned on. This always happens on long cases, but usually he would call you, listen to your voice as you fall asleep. The soft, tired tone of your voice enough to make him cum without even touching himself. But this case was different, he pushed you away on purpose, and he had deprived himself of these small moments to keep his raging hormones at bay. He could text you or call you and then fuck his fist and act like he didn't just imagine you in a very compromising position. But now here you were, at his door. Your face flushed, eyes tired. You weren't wearing anything revealing, but that didn't stop him from imagining what was underneath the clothes. It took everything in him not to stare at the way your shirt stretched over your breasts. He moves aside to let you in, his eyes fall to your ass as you walk past him. Your scent trails behind you, it was subtle. Your perfume complimenting your natural scent perfectly. He watches as you turn to face him, your big eyes looking up at him, a pleading look in your eyes. You don't need to speak. 

"Im so sorry," he whispers. You cut him off.

"did i do something?" your voice threatening to break.

He thinks to himself "fucking idiot, she's about to cry because of you and the only thing you can think of is how you want to be buried between her thighs," his mind drifts for a second before responding, thinking about how heavenly your moans would sound muffled, your thighs pressed up against his ears. In fact he doesn't respond, all the pessimism that had plagued his mind, gone. Instead he steps forward and places a hand on your cheek. He looks at your lips and moves in. Just doing it. 

Feeling his hand on your face made your cheeks burn. A pool forms at the bottom of your stomach. Then he does it, he kisses you, a soft, surprised moan slips out. This only serves to turn him on more. Kissing you deeper now, your lips part just enough for his tongue to slip in. This makes you step back, your back is met with the closed door. He moves with you, caging you in. His hands move to your hips, gripping the soft fat of your hips. His hands creep under your shirt, feeling the warmth of your bare skin. You stop him,

"Wait," you say breathless, "what's going spencer?"

His forehead against yours, his eyes still closed, he begins to speak, years of feelings coming out in one single word:

"Please." Then his eyes blink open to be met with your own. Your pupils blown. You don't respond with words but a passionate kiss, your hands tangling in his hair. You dont know what led up to this, but that doesn't matter right now. Your mind consumed with the pleasure of his lips against yours. He starts backing away from the door, his hands still under your shirt, on your waist leading you to the couch. He sits down, holding you still looking up at you, he gently tugs you to straddle his lap. No words, just staring at each other with lust and longing. He holds your face in his hands and admires you. He kisses you again, gentle. He keeps your head in his hands and kisses from your lips, to your jaw, down to your neck. He cradles your head as he continues, moaning against your skin. The taste of just your skin is magnificent. You can feel his bulge press against you, at first you sit up a bit, but as you melt under his soft moans and gentle kisses, you sit down. The feeling of your bodies joining elicits a moan from the both of you. He moves his head from the crook of your neck to look at you, his face flushed. 

"I'm sorry, i cant help it, vie needed this for so long," he whines, bucking his hips against you. You meet him in the middle, grinding against him, your face falls to the crook of neck. 

He pleads "no no please, i need to see your pretty face"

You look at him. He leans back on the couch and keeps a firm grip on your hips, not guiding you, but keeping you firmly pressed against him. 

"yes yes please, god you are so beautiful," his voice breaking, tears forming. 

"please keep going, please i could cum just like this," tears falling now

You slow down a bit and hold his face, "what's wrong? spencer you are crying"

In a sheepish tone he responds, "please don't stop, i just need you so bad, you are all i think about please, please"

His hands tighten around your hips in an effort to get you back to the pace you were at before. But this doesn't work, you stop.

"Please spencer, what is wrong?"

A quiet sob comes out and he hugs you, "I just- this case. it made me think about you and I'm tired of pretending that everything you do doesn't affect me. Even the most insignificant things are like their kind of art when preformed by you. Ive written poems about the soft sound of your breathing when the conversation hits a lull. And i cant act like im not completely enchanted by you. I cant ever let you go without telling you that, without you knowing that i am completely smitten with you."

You hold him as he admits this, you would be lying if you said you didn't feel the same way. You hold him as he sobs.

"Spencer, lets go lay down ok?" You say as you stand up off of him. You lay in his bed and hold him, his ear placed against your heart he calms down. A comfortable silence falls between the both of you. you break it:

"Spencer?," you whisper, almost afraid to break the ease the quiet has provided.

"yes?" He responds in the same, yet more eager tone

"You know i love you too.." 

He looks up at you and kisses you, shifting his body on top of yours, then he stops himself:

"We can go slow, im sorry im just eager"

You reassure him, "No please, dont stop, i need this too."

He does not need to be told twice, the blood rushing to his groin as the words leave your mouth. He shifts between your legs and kisses your neck as he grinds against you. His ear at the perfect place to hear every one of the soft moans fall from your lips. He leaves open mouth, sloppy kisses against your neck, groaning at the taste of your skin. He desperately rubs against you, his hands going under your shirt, massaging your breasts. You buck your hips up, you moan his name and he stops, meeting your gaze. He gives a confused expression.

"take it off spencer, dont stop please"

He does, for a second his brain short circuits. Staring at you topless, it was better than he could've ever imagined. His face moves to the crook between your breasts. Kissin you with reverence. A whimper falls from his mouth with each kiss. Whispering sweet pleasantries' into your skin.

"you are so soft, so sweet"

"thank you so much, so beautiful" 

His mouth attaches to your nipple while his hand rests atop the other. Sucking your nipple into a hard bud, then doing the same to the other. As happy as he is right now he wants something more, he kisses down your body, gripping at the waist band of your pants and pulling them down. Its like hes in a trance. You aren't complaining, lifting your hips so he can pull everything off. He looks down at you, you look up at him. There's a vulnerability in your eyes, you are almost completely naked on his bed and he has yet to take anything off. He notices this and holds your face,

"whats wrong?" he questions further, "did i do something wrong?"

You assure him, "no no, just exposed is all and you aren't" You let out an awkward chuckle to bring light. He looks embarrassed as you bring this up, in his mind this was never about him, it was about you. He could cum in his pants by just sucking your breast all day if that's what you wanted. Although he craves your touch, it doesn't have the same effect as touching you. 

Hearing you. Tasting you. 

"You want me naked?" you cant help but to laugh at the question.

"well isn't that how this usually goes?" He smiles at you and rushes to take his clothes off. He just wants to get back to kissing you. You both share giddy giggles as he gets back on top of you. He kisses you, its sweet. Its beautiful, there's no fear. Nothing about spencer has ever frightened you, even when all he wants to do is ravage you he still stops and slows down. He always notices your face, hes studied every expression you make. With spencer you feel known. As the kissing gets deeper he moves to your neck and back down your body. Kissing where the waistline of your underwear sits. Then he moves his head between your legs, kissing your clothed cunt. Lapping up your clothed core. Finally he cant take it, he pushes your panties to the side and starts. He kisses it before he eats it, worshiping his meal. He might as well have said grace. His tongue delves into your folds. Your taste causing him to moan against you. the vibrations shoot through your body. He attaches to your clit, licking and sucking as his fingers graze your entrance. As he continues he cant help but to hump the mattress. He cant stop it. Your moans and the way your body reacts to his touch is all to much for him. And when his fingers dive in, that's it for him. He stops for a second to look at your face. 

"her face.." he thinks to himself. your face contorted with pleasure. You look up at him, his fingers working you from within and his thumb rubs your swollen clit. 

"Sp-spencer" over and over. Its the only word your know. The familiar coil tightens in your stomach. You are close. You grip his shoulders, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. 

"please just like that," you whine. Its spencers turn to plead,

"Please i wanna make you feel good, please cum for me"

Finally it hits you like a ton of bricks, you clench around his fingers as he slows his ministrations, working you through. As you cum you moan his name, its like heroin to him, he loves it. He brings his soaked fingers to his lips, sucking them clean. The sight is something out of a museum. Your own personal art, a snapshot that will etch itself into your memory. You pull him to you and kiss him. The both of you moan as your lips attach. Your hand palms him through his boxers, he bites your bottom lip as he moans. Your hand reaches in his boxers and works him. His tip sticky with pre-cum. He whimpers in your neck.

"spencer i need you, i need you in me" 

He immediately springs into action, removing your panties and his own boxers. He lines himself and looks at you as his tip slips in. The ecstasy on your face, the way you let your head fall, and your jaw goes lax. He slowly moves until he bottoms out. His own eyes flutter shut, tears forming. 

"so so warm" he mumbles as he starts to thrust harder. Hes not fast but he is deep, pounding in deep. It almost knocks the air out of you, for a scrawny guy his thrusts are powerful. Tears falling from his eyes he rambles

"dont make me stop, im not sad you just feel amazing, i need this please"

"its ok spencer please keep going, you feel so good."

He hides in your neck, his hips still moving. he whimpers in your ear

"so good, so pretty, god i love you so much, thank you, thank you." His movements grow sloppier, you are close too, but hes a lot closer. 

"spencer please just a little longer, mmso close" more tears fall from his eyes as he fights to not finish, he reaches between the both of you and starts to rub your clit. The extra stimulation is just what you need.

"f-fuck spencer im cumming"

He slams into you a couple more times then cums deep inside you. He bites your neck to hide the pathetic moan/sob that falls from his mouth. He stays sheathed within your warmth as he catches his breath. the occasional "thank you" and "i love you" whispers come from him as he calms down. As he pulls out a gasp comes from the both of you. He watches his essence seep out of you. Then looks at your face. Your spent, sweat glistens against your forehead, your hair a mess. You reach your arms out to him, and he lays next to you. You lay your head on his chest. 

"spencer, that was perfect," you say, your voice raspy and raw. 

"i hope so, ive thought about that a lot" he holds you, rubbing your back lazily. You sit in silence till he hears your soft snores. He chuckles to himself and makes sure the blankets are snug around the both of you. He shuts his eyes and falls asleep, listening to his new favorite white noise. 

If yall hate it or have any pointers lemme know! I hope everyone enjoys, i think its nice. I'm sorry if its confusing or anything i wrote it in like a stream of conciseness

[nrc-asteryn-crew]

"Why not you? There's- there's no reason for you not to- have support from people when you need it most. So what if you're a 'stranger'? You're still a person, and- you're still you."

Kiyuu answered. It was just like her, to care for everyone, especially for those who seemed to not have anyone in their corner caring for them at all. She felt a small sense of obligation to them, yet a genuine will to see their smiles again, to be important to people.

"And now that you aren't such a stranger, even if I don't know a lot about you yet, I'd really like to! I really want to be your friend... Ah- is that too forward-?!"

She continued, trying yet still failing to really properly articulate everything she was thinking in the moment.

"'Why you?' I dunno. Just felt like it. Is that not a good enough reason?"

Yuuto scoffed. He stared for a moment, then just groaned quietly.

"I guess... I get it a 'lil too. Spent my whole life feelin' like that before here. Suspect you 'ave too. But heres the thing; we have a fresh start now. We're free. Do all the things you were too scared to do before. You've gotta really try to make things better for yourself. You have a chance now. Use it. Do it while you can."

He finally said. He shrugged, as if it was an obvious deduction, and in some ways, to him, it was. It came to him so naturally, he knew that here was where he belonged. Where he'd truly be alive. And even though he guessed Yuna was more aligned with Kiyuu's perspective in these circumstances, it was true for everyone, he was sure of it. And although he'd be a bit of a hypocrite to say the same thing directly addressing Kiyuu, he was sure she got the message anyway.

Meanwhile, Aros' attention was caught by the rose staff on Yuna's arm. It had lost some of its petals, having lost one more a moment ago. He wanted to know how it was connected to her overblot, to her phantom. If all of the petals were to fall, what would happen?

He refocused, and clear his throat, before responding.

"A life should never be lost to the succumbing to one's emotions, no matter who the victim, no matter how the death. I'll admit now, that this fact was only my reason to come. However, being here now, my reason I have stayed... Is simple really. I am not heartless. I am aware of your struggles, and it is within my capacity to help you. So why shouldn't I? Unfortunatly, this is not as common of a perspective as it should be, I personally think. You deserve to be treated like the person that you are. More importantly, you deserve to be heard. To be seen".

A notification flashes across phone screens everywhere throughout NRC. The radio podcast, NRTea has gone live once more!

"Hello, hello, dearest listeners! And welcome to another episode of NRTea, the hottest tea party on sages island! I'm your host, Chamomile-"

"and I am Earl Grey"

"And oh boy do we have a story for you today! Take it away, Earl!"

"...alright.

As of late, there have been brambles spiralling up and encasing parts of the Ramshackle dorm. The brambles themselves seem generally harmless, as do the roses that fall from them, but if you prick yourself on the thorns, it would be quite an unpleasant sensation, so I'd suggest exercising some extra caution when visiting for now."

"Yup, yup! If you've got a friend or two living in the dorm out there, go check on em and make sure they're doing okay!"

"I know I myself must check in on my dearest companions soon..."

"Well that's it for now! We've been your hosts, Chamomile-"

"And Earl Grey,"

"And this has been NRTea. Stay thirsty, dear listeners!"

The stream continues on for a bit before cutting off, though.

"Hey... James?"

"Yes?"

"Y'know how Yuna has been locking up lately and stuff? Says she's been super sick recently."

"Mhm... It's quite concerning, if I am being honest. I haven't seen her for a while..."

"...I wonder if Yuna is alright. I hope she doesn't get hurt with all those brambles."

"...Me too, Lewis. Me too."

(✨YUNA OVERBLOT STUFF YAHOO!!!

-✨mod, @night-raven-miscellany. Technically James and Lewis, too, but I haven't been adding them fhdjfj)

Kiyuu stared down at her phone with a frown as the podcast ended. She didn't say anything, prompting Aros to speak up from behind her.

"...Lucky you haven't been over there for a while, isn't it?"

He spoke, giving Kiyuu a faint smile, leaning in just a little closer while dabbing a makeup brush into the eyeshadow pallette in his hand, before applying it, making slightly quicker movements than previously, already being able to tell what Kiyuu was thinking.

They both knew the signs by now from even just a glance. With the context the podcast had accidentlly given... Something bad was about to happen. That much they could tell.

His expression morphed back into a frown as he watched how Kiyuu's face seemed to go through a cycle of conflicting emotions, confirming what he'd thought.

"...Yuuto's close by, though. And he definitely won't hesitate to head straight for Ramshackle once he suspects something's happening..."

There was more silence, only disturbed by the quiet sounds of rummaging through makeup and supplies from Aros. They'd been in the middle of testing out some makeup samples Aros had been sent for a promotion when they'd decided to tune into NRTea's podcast in the background.

"...Would you like me to quickly finish applying your makeup before we go?"

Aros offered, picking up an eyelash curler, and tilting Kiyuu's head up gently with his pointer finger.

"But-"

"Ah- Let me finish now. If you're worried about time, I'll change up our plan, do something quick, yet effective, instead. Don't stress out more than you need to. It won't do you any good."

"Mmh... Okay then. I'd- really like that. Thank you..."

Kiyuu conceeded softly, a silent exchange of gratitude from Kiyuu between them, Aros nodding in response, expression neutral as he continued.

"...Heh. I bet he's real excited right now. I worry a lot for him when he does this sort of thing, y'know. Just doing whatever he wants with no consideration to anyone else's feelings..."

Kiyuu mumbled, an underlying bitterness that she never quite felt wholeheartedly in her voice.

"That's just how he is. The only thing for us to do now is help them both out, hm?"

"Ah- right..! Yuna, I heard their name was, I think... I hope they're alright..."

"As do I."

Aro's commented as he stood, reaching instinctively for his hand mirror, handing it to Kiyuu as he hastily, yet still neatly, tidied up his supplies.

"Satisfactory?"

He asked, turning his head around to gauge Kiyuu's opinion.

"Yeah! More than, for sure."

Kiyuu agreed, handing back the mirror. She felt a little better now, the familiar feeling of her makeup calming her nerves ever so slightly.

After a few short moments she stood, hastily reaching to fix up her hair into a more practical fashion.

"Okay! Okay. Let's go! We shouldn't waste anymore time."

She announced, projecting bounds more confidence than she actually felt.

"Yes, let's. Perhaps we'll even arrive before anything too disastrous occurs on either party's end..."

Aros responded. Though somehow, they both doubted that much of a miricle would happen for them today...

[hopeswriting]

imagine you're luce, and you're born the heir to a mafia family. you're mafia-born, and so of course also mafia-raised, and then also a donna-to-be. you're raised to be able to take on the role, to be good and capable at it, are taught to make one of your core beliefs about how the many must come before the few, because the family must always come first. you're going to be the donna, of course you must always prioritize the family above all else, it's your foremost and most important duty.

if caring about the few too comes at the price of the many, comes at the price of the family, is it even worth it? if the happiness gained from it comes at the price of a greater suffering for others, is there even any meaning to it, even if it's your happiness we're talking about? you understand, don't you?

you're not sure if you do, but you care about your family, love it, want to do right by it once you become their donna, so you nod, listen and learn.

(you don't have to be taught the pain and loss and guilt and anger and bitterness is a fair price to pay for the pain you decide has to be inflicted and the sacrifices you decide must be made, including by yourself. it's the least you could do, even.)

imagine you're luce, and the gift of foresight runs through your blood.

you would not call it a gift. you did not ask for it either. and you'll never come to see it as something wanted by you.

you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course it's exactly the way you wanted it to go. you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course you didn't care to try hard enough to change it. you saw the future before the shape of it had yet to be breathed into existence, and who's to say it didn't come into existence only because you saw it happen? you saw the future, and it happened worse than it had to for it.

you can see the future, but you still can't make it anything else than what it was always going to be. you can even make the visions happen at your will, but you still have no say on what you see or how much you see. you still can only be the witness of it before anyone else can.

it does mean double and longer the happiness sometimes, means relief and gratefulness and hope beyond words, and it'd be cruel of you to voice out loud your feelings for others to hear the many more times it means something else.

you can see the future, and it doesn't make it any kinder on you than on anyone else, does not give you any more power or control over it than anyone else, but at least you can see the future. you're given the time to make peace with it, to brace yourself for it, to bargain with it, to plead and beg and fight against it however desperately and hopelessly, even if in the end it still happens exactly as you saw it would.

(you can see the future, and it still doesn't hurt you any less than anyone else when it happens, but you don't expect anymore for anyone to hold you any less responsible for it anyway. it would be nice for someone to do it one day, but you understand.)

you can see the future, and you decide it's a kindness to both yourself and others to keep it for yourself as much as possible whenever you can.

imagine you're luce, and your family has this set of rings they've looked after and protected for as long as your family has existed. they're one set of three of the most important artifacts in the world, ones that help in safeguarding its existence and balance. they're duty, the very first one and the most important one your family was created for.

the pacifier around your mother's neck is duty too, and the most important and powerful artifact among twenty-one in safeguarding the world and its balance. it's been passed down in your family too, from mother to daughter. it's duty, but less tied to your family and much more to the blood running through your veins. it's a curse, in fact, as it demands heavy sacrifices the rings don't, and one that can only be tied to the blood running through your veins.

(your mother looks at you as if expecting some kind of reaction from you, and you can only wonder at which point you weren't supposed to see it as a given. duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for a long time now. is it even duty if it doesn't require any sacrifices from you?)

imagine you're luce, and your mother dies for duty. she's the donna, and so she dies for your family. she's the sky arcobaleno, and so she dies for the world. she's your mother, but she dies anyway, doesn't fight it either, even knowing she will leave you behind, even knowing she won't ever get to see what you look like all grown-up.

everywhere you look, duty stares back at you, from your mother and the pacifier around her neck, her love for your family and the life she gives up for it, her love for you and how she dies anyway while you're still only a child. duty, from your family members and how they die for you and kill for you, how they do both at your command, how their lives are in the palms of your hands and how they weigh only as much as you allow them to at a time. duty, from the knowledge your foresight gives you and the shackles tied to the blood running through your veins.

your mother's only duty while she lives too. she loves you, but she'd have had to give birth to you anyway even if she didn't. she loves you, but she still gave birth to you even knowing the kind of life you'd have to live, the kind of hands you'd inevitably end up with, the burdens she'd have to lay on your shoulders, passing them down from her own. because she loves you, she finds the resolve to raise you to be able to face all of it head-on and come out on top, but she'd have had to raise you much the same way anyway even if she didn't.

(she doesn't die for you, doesn't fight to be able to keep living with you, and this, too, is your mother surrendering to duty one last time.)

(you're so sick of it, so angry at it, so hateful and resentful against it. you're so stifled by it to the point you've stopped being able to breathe for a long time now. or you would have been if they had taught you how to face duty in this way too.

it's for the better they didn't. a silver lining, sparing you pain that isn't necessary for you to go through. everyone you turn to only teaches you how to keep holding your breath longer, and you listen and learn, obedient and dutiful as you've ever been.

you're grateful for it too. really, you are.)

everywhere you look, there's no room for you to so much as question any of it, let alone anything more. duty is commendable, something you ought to look up to and strive towards, strive to achieve. duty is the right thing to do. of course it is.

(you exhale a breath of relief that shakes you down to your very core.

thank god, it's at least the right thing to do.

you're grateful for it beyond words. really, you are.)

imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know the choice you'll make when climbing that mountain, when standing on top of it, when waiting for a bright light to shine down on you from above. you know the choice you'll make then, even when pregnant with your daughter.

it doesn't matter since how long you knew, be it years, months, days, hours or minutes before. all that matters is that before you can even contemplate the idea of making another choice and all its implications and possible consequences, before the thought can even come alive in your mind, you already know the choice you'll make.

(you can see the future, but just because you already saw it, it doesn't mean it's now set in stone.

you can see the future, but just because you're given the chance to fight to change it, it doesn't mean it still won't happen every bit like you saw it.

it doesn't mean it can't still happen even worse than how you first saw it happen because you fought to change it, no matter how already dreadful it originally was.)

imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know they'll be others with you standing on top of that mountain. you're the only one who'll know it before it happens.

(because you can see the future.

and oh, you did not ask for it.)

they're strangers, people you don't owe anything to. adults who choose to show up at the first meeting, and to show up to every following mission after that. the chosen seven, whose ambitions and prides lead them to walk the path of the seven strongest too once laid down in front of them.

you don't force their hands in making any of those choices for them. you're not responsible for any of them.

you become coworkers then, accomplices, your hands stained in blood to various extent, but now dipping in the same pool of blood as you strive towards the same goal together. you have each other's backs, learn each other's strengths and weaknesses, learn each other's personalities, likes and dislikes. you keep having to spend more time together as the missions keep coming your way.

inevitably, you come to care about them. even more damning, they come to care about you in return. enough so they'll look after your daughter even after what'll happen on top of that mountain. enough so they'll look after your granddaughter too, warmly and fondly enough she'll call one of them uncle.

you're still the only one who knows they'll stand together with you on top of that mountain, not knowing what'll happen on it like you do.

and you do care about them, you swear you do. really, you do.

(you care about them the same way your mother cared about you, and how she still raised you to have steel in you and be made of sharp edges you know how to use. you care about them the same way you care about your family, and how you still send them to their deaths as needed so the rest of your family you care about just the same can keep on living longer and safely. this is the only way you've had the chance to learn how to care and love.

duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for as long as you can remember. it doesn't matter at which point sacrifices came to mean love to you too.

and most of all, you love your daughter more than anything else in the world.)

imagine you're luce, and this is who you are. this is who you've been raised to be, the only way you've been given room to grow up to be. this is the life you've lived and the kind of life that has shaped you as the person you are now. this is what you've been taught and told is the best version of yourself you could have grown up to be. this is who you ended up being by what you've been taught and told are all the right choices to make.

you're still the only one who knows what is about to happen on top of that mountain. it hasn't happened yet. the fate of the world hangs on what'll happen on top of that mountain, the same world you'll have to give birth to your daughter in. the same daughter you're currently pregnant with.

now imagine you're luce, look me in the eye and tell me you'd know how to even form the thought of the possibility of there being any other choice to make. look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't look at the only choice in front of you, and know deep in your bones it's the only right choice to make. that it is right of you to make it. because it simply has to be.

(imagine you're luce, and you're not doomed by the narrative. of course, you're not.

why would you need to be when the narrative has painstakingly shaped you all your life to become its perfect, faithful and dutiful sacrificial lamb?

and then, imagine you're luce, and you're even grateful for it, so, so very grateful it held up its end of the bargain too.

truly, you are.)

[mx-paint]

.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

In light of Brian Thompson being shot dead on my birthday (🎉🥳🎂) I'd like to share a personal story about UnitedHealthcare.

During the peak of COVID, my family all got sick. I couldn't be on my parents' insurance because they were both older and on Medicare. So, I had insurance through my University: UnitedHealthcare.

For some reason, rather than roll-over each year, I got a new plan each year that ended after May and didn't start until August, so I was uninsured for the summer months, but it was a weird situation that the university denied, and told us we were supposed to be insured year-round, it was messy.

Both of my parents went to the hospital, and I got sick too. I had to take care of my pets, and myself, and try to stay alive and keep my pets alive when I was so weak I could hardly move. When my parents came home, my condition got dramatically worse (I think my body knew it couldn't give out, because there was nobody to take care of me, so once my parents were okay, it completely crashed and failed.)

I started experiencing emergency symptoms. It was a bit hard to breathe, my chest hurt, and I was extremely delirious. I wanted to call my insurance to see if I was covered (this was during the summer) and I was connected to some nice person, probably making minimum wage, who told me with caution in her voice that my plan was expired. I had no active insurance, but she urged me to go to an emergency room. I remember saying something to the effect of "You just told me I don't have insurance, I can't go to the hospital, I can't afford it."

She sounded so genuinely worried and scared. I remember she said "You really don't sound good, you sound really sick, please call 9-1-1" and I think I just said "I can't afford it without insurance, don't worry, I think I'll be okay."

And she paused and said "I don't want to hang up the phone with you like this." And it sounded like she was holding back tears. And I don't remember what I said, I think that I would be okay, and I hung up.

I still think about her. I wonder if that phone call haunted her, or if she had dozens of calls like that a day. I wonder if she thinks about it at all, if she wonders if I died after she told me I didn't have insurance and therefore couldn't go to the hospital without incurring a tremendous financial burden. I wonder if she feels guilt or blame-- of course she shouldn't, it wouldn't have been her fault if anything had happened to me. Maybe it's self-centered to wonder if she thinks about it. I'm not the main character and it was just her job. But, still.

I think about how evil it was that we were put in that situation. Because offering year-long continuous coverage through the university plan would maybe cut into profits, maybe not benefit shareholders enough, maybe cut into Thompson's $10 million salary. While his minimum wage administrators have to feel afraid to hang up the phone, because on the other line someone might be dying, and they wouldn't know. While his patients hang up and decide to take their chances rather than put their family through that trauma.

This is UnitedHealthcare. This is Brian Thompson's legacy. This is why, understandably, an entire nation is jubilant that he was gunned down like the vermin he was. I don't care about his widow. I feel pity for his children, despite the fact that they will inherit millions, but I feel more pity for the children of his victims patients who are gone because they didn't want THEIR children to inherit crippling debt. Brian Thompson got what he fucking deserved. I pray that he not be the only one. I pray for continued safety, peace , and anonymity for his killer.

American healthcare is a disease.

[weregonnaneedabiggerboat]

Okay so I really wanna talk more about this scene because it really hit me hard after what Kinger said in episode 3, so prepare for a LOOONNNNGGGG rant of me being a supreme Jax apologist again 💜 ^w^

CW: Mentions of isolation, depression, and suicidal ideation. If you like Gangle I suggest scrolling because I'm going to be very critical of her here 😅 especially towards the end.

☆—

Okay. First of all,

Look at this.

This shot in particular.

It's shot from his point of view, over the shoulder. Ragatha and Zooble are inviting Pomni to join them for Kaufmo's funeral.

And nobody is looking at him.

Nobody even acknowledges his presence.

A POV shot from Jax's perspective, showing the characters not paying attention to him, then switching to him to show that he's upset before he walks away? Yeah, that wasn't by accident.

I think Ragatha maybe glanced for half a second, but the fact she didn't even bother to say anything to him in this moment just really brings home how isolated he must feel emotionally. People really seem to overlook these shots when they judge Jax's character too, and it almost feels like the fandom treats Jax exactly the way the others treat him too.

No wonder he stormed off, they are LITERALLY FACING HIM, STARING DIRECTLY AT HIM, and decided that y'know what? It's actually not important at all to invite this guy who's been stuck here for years with us and also knew Kaufmo, and who, might I add, has very likely been really close with Kaufmo because both love to joke around and pull pranks. Jax called him "Kauffy" in the first episode so that told me they're for sure friends, and this moment just solidified it for me.

But essentially? Jax's best friend basically committed suicide. And nobody even asks him if he wants to go to the funeral. Like holy shit.

And Pomni, bless her sweet little heart, she's totally innocent in this!! Because like, she literally just got here, she has no idea about the relationships between anybody! And Kinger has the excuse of being crazy/demented so we can't say for sure that these things cross his mind between all the fog

But... Zooble? Gangle? Ragatha...?

None of you... None of you decided that, well, maybe you should check to see how jax is doing...?

Like, even if you think he doesn't care... Wouldn't you at least want to double check...? Just in case he does...?

And in episode 4 with Gangle as manager, I think Jax had a moment of realization after that torture scene that Gangle genuinely hates him، and for the rest of the episode he seeme pretty disconnected and almost confused, as if in his head, the adventures are just fun silly things to do because they're in a video game and the goal is to play the game

He didn't know people took them seriously, and when everyone is suddenly playing the fast food shift adventure seriously, you can see how increasingly frustrated he becomes with everyone else, because everyone is just letting gangle boss them around and assert her fake authority over them

And the thing is, he's probably so mad that everyone would rather please Gangle and feed into her delusions of authority, DESPITE HOW CRUEL SHE'S BEING TO HER FRIENDS, rather than actually have a fun and silly adventure. He only wants to mess around, because it's a video game for fuck's sake!!

Not only that, but the fact gangle focused more on punishing Jax rather than, oh I don't know, helping Ragatha out of the fucking deep fryer maybe, purposefully illustrated to me how selfish Gangle really is. She just told Jax his list of tasks, and then left. She didn't even check on Ragatha or anything, so obviously this wasn't about Ragatha, but about being in control.

But she hides behind her tearful mask and plays victim so that people feel bad for her and defend her. She said she used to be a shift manager in her previous life, so it's no doubt she used to treat people the way she treated her own friends in episode 4.

And for those saying Jax always breaks her mask, he's literally only done it once (and a half? lol)

In episode 1, Pomni was the one who knocked everyone over and broke the comedy mask. In episode 2, it was an NPC. In episode 3... Yeah sorry Jax, can't defend ya buddy. And in episode 4, it was an accident, and you can tell because Jax didn't show any signs of actually wanting to aim the ball at Gangle. He doesn't pick on Gangle any more than he does the others, she just cries about it more.

At the end of episode 4, Gangle tells Zooble she "doesn't deserve a friend like her", and honestly, that gave me the BIGGEST ick, because she just reminded me of those people that are constantly like "I'm so useless, I should just die, you should leave, I don't deserve anything" and suck all the emotional life out of you without ever even bothering to listen to your needs. Because when has Gangle actually tried to help console anyone?

And I'm gonna be honest, I really can't think of any moment where Jax was doing something particularly evil. In episode 2, presumably his "worst episode", he was just acting like... Someone playing a video game. Like a guy who's dicking around in Grand Theft Auto or Minecraft. He's aware the NPCs reset and all and he didn't stick around to actually watch any of that "violence" that he inflicted in the end, it's kind of like when people decide to just bomb villages in Minecraft or run over the pedestrians in GTA, because they're just code, not people.

The only dickish thing I can think of was when Jax threw Pomni out of the truck, but it didn't look like Pomni was in pain, just scared and frustrated at the sudden action. He was also pretty rude-mouthed to Gangle and Ragatha, but it struck me more as teasing, not genuinely wanting to make them upset.

Anyway... Sorry for rambling and getting mad lmao, I had a lot to say, especially with everyone saying "Jax deserved it" and saying that Gangle was "acting reasonably", because in my opinion she really wasn't.

This is my two cents, I just wanted to throw my thoughts out there and see what everyone else thinks lolz

At the end of the day they're just fictional characters and my thoughts won't affect the show, please remember this if you're planning on replying with hate :')

Love you guys!

"In this world, the worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved." — Kinger

[bungobble-my-balls]

Never in my life have I seen more buckwild obsession than when I stumble upon posts from whatever new account that Dazai anon has made.

I want to put them in a jar and study them like a bug. Shake it around a little even to see what happens.

[go-fornicate-yourself]

Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser

(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)

Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.

And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.

The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.

Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.

He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.

He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.

And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.

He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.

Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.

It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.

There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.

So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.

But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.

Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly

They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.

Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.

But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.

So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.

I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Relistening to Checking Out, and I’ve always liked this scene in particular, as it is one that’s very open to interpretation.

I believe, from what I’ve seen personally at least, one or the most common interpretations is that Helen’s observation is either incorrect, or intentionally misleading, and that Jon’s response actually stems from touch aversion, or a degree of it, attributed to his trauma, particularly moments where he’s been left helpless and at the whims of others. E.g. Kidnapped by the Circus, almost killed by Daisy etc. And while I think this interpretation is both interesting and plausible, I don’t think I’ve seen much for the opposite interpretation, which is that Helen’s observation is correct.

It can be difficult to talk about Jon’s humanity sometimes, as there’s a lot of nuance and layers to cover. The fact is, Jon, especially in season five, does not completely think like a human. He is simultaneously a painfully human character such with deep compassion and guilt and self-loathing, while also being a being of immense knowledge who sees and understands the world in a different light, and in a way no one else can possibly comprehend, which has to be very isolating all things considered.

As with everything in TMA, Jon makes a choice, and his choice is to end the apocalypse, to stay with Martin, and to stay as human as he possibly can. We know from Annabelle that had she have taken Martin, who is presumably acting as one of his main anchors to humanity, Jon potentially would have snapped completely, the final push over the edge as she puts it. It has to be a difficult thing for him, to try and balance his existence when he is so fundamentally changed, and when this world naturally feels right to him, and you could argue that him snapping at the mother here is simply his instinct, being what he is.

He is The Archivist, the meant-to-be Pupil of the Eye, one of the most important beings present, and so it makes sense there’s almost an instinctive detachment from the victims. He is meant to Watch them, and Watching means no physical interaction. By touching him, the mother has broken this barrier, and so, instinctually, he reacts — with anger, notably.

I’d say it’s meant to contrast how we see him acting prior to the touch, where he seems genuinely sympathetic with the mother, and he is trying to help in what little way he can. Because before she touches him, that gap between Watched and Watcher is still firm in place, and so he can handle that.

Bearing in mind, I haven’t re-listened to the rest of season five with this, so I may have missed something.

I also think both interpretations can co-exist too, and that could be just as interesting to explore. Either way, I find that, with Jon, it’s important to consider his status in the Eyepocalypse and his nature vs his choices, although, his nature vs his choices goes for the whole series I think, as choice is such a consistent theme in TMA and in the Avatars.

[astonmartinii]

into the arms of another part two | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

part two to this !! part three

yourusername

liked by arthurleclerc, maxverstappen1 and 661,230 others

yourusername: winner winner chicken dinner !! congrats maxy i’m so proud of you always

view all comments

user1: i know charles’ head is hot right now

user2: i hope netflix are taking notes cause this tea is steaming hot

maxverstappen1: thank you baby, helps when i have the prettiest cheerleader in the world

yourusername: i am the sexiest sargent in all of the orange army

maxverstappen1: too right you are

user3: i miss when y/n was the head of the tifosi the red monochromatic fits ate so hard

user4: i need charles to pull his head out of his ass and apologise so we can reclaim her before monza

user5: do not even bring up the fact we may not have custody of her for monza

danielricciardo: leave some for the rest of us maxy

yourusername: no actually i think it’s illegal for max not to win sorry

danielricciardo: will that change if charlie apologises?

yourusername: considering that hasn’t happened and doesn’t look to be happening any time soon - no.

user6: CHARLES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

user7: he doesn’t have to do anything, she’s just bitter cause she’s always been the bridesmaid and never the bride. we ALL know she’s always loved charles and she can’t handle that she’s not the centre of his attention it’s kinda pathetic

maxverstappen1: what made you think you know any of us enough to comment something like this? what told you that you even had a right to talk about y/n like that? she’s everything you could ever wish to be and more and she will never ever deserve the things you people are saying about her. charles would be lucky to have y/n in his life platonically or romantically but it’s his loss

user8: boyf of the year right here

user9: charles take note ^^^ this is how you’re meant to defend your best friend

landonorris: i am once again asking for photo credits i’m not gonna be your personal photographer for free

maxverstappen1: i literally paid for your dinner

yourusername: you’re literally a millionaire

landonorris: i don’t care a man still likes to be wined and dined

yourusername: just to make it clear we are not looking for a third

user10: i promise i can change your mind give me a chance

f1tea

liked by user11, user12 and 2,349 others

f1tea: charles leclerc caught liking this tweet about the situation between him and y/n. seems like he won’t back down on this. what do you think?

view all comments

user13: i need this mans head on a spike i’m so serious

user14: i want to play pinball with the single marble in his head

user15: i think ferrari have genuinely caused real head rot in him cause no way he thinks this is a serve

user16: let's be real charles' biggest rivals are ferrari and himself

user17: not this man at his BIG AGE is liking shady tweets about his best friend

user18: i think it's safe to say they're not best friends any more

user19: also "biggest rival" my ass max and charles are fucking friends now so this whole narrative is complete horse shit

user20: i'm so bored of charles playing the victim bro YOU ARE THE INSTIGATOR YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

user21: the way charles is liking shit like this but max is writing whole ass essays in the comments defending her

user22: and that''s why i'll always back that she ended up with the right man

user23: max is so far in the lead in the championship i need him to take charles out for the narrative

user24: are we in high school? like seriously this is so fucking petty i cannot wait for media day this weekend

user25: he's either gonna be the funniest man in the world or he's gonna bite someones fucking head off

user26: and i'll back it either way

user27: i know y/n is about to have her revenge dress moment in the paddock someone get kym illman ready STAT.

f1wagsupdates

liked by lilymunhe, carmenmundt and 4,530 others

tagged: yourusername

f1wagsupdates: REVENGE DRESS MOMENT !!! y/n y/ln enters the paddock in monza in this stunning black dress, showing the world what a catch she is, oh and that is max holding the umbrella for her, what a gentleman.

view all comments

user28: mother came to slay i cannot even

user29: this right after max came for charles in the press conference is PERFECTION + NO RED IN MONZA !!

user30: i see lily and carmen in the likes in knew they'd be on the right side

user31: girl i don't think anyone is on charles' side

user32: yall see the stink eye from the red bull garage when charles walked past they have y/n's back LOL

user33: the red bull garage been ride or dies for max so it defo makes sense that they would extend that to y/n

user34: christian was defo waiting for a question about it in the press conference

user35: someone on twitter got a clip of him putting his arm around fred going out of the paddock and telling him to get his driver under control

user36: yall are we on the kardashians what the fuck is going on

user37: people may hate christian but he defends his driver so much that he's inserting himself in the relationship drama

user38: i don't even follow f1 but whoever this is this serving oh my

user39: this is so exhausting like i need charles to just apologise so we can get cute y/n x max x charles content

user40: torturing myself thinking about how cute that dynamic could be

f1

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 1,203,457 others

f1: max verstappen clinches his tenth win of the season at monza, joined by sergio perez and oscar piastri. home heroes charles leclerc and carlos sainz came together at turn one, awful showing for ferrari in monza

view all comments

user41: this narrative is so so poetic

user42: i feel bad for the tifosi at this point y'all get your hopes up every season

user43: charles you aimed the wrong way if you wanted to take max out

user44: the way max kissed y/n after winning god they're so cute

user45: also the way christian got everyone to move so y/n could get to the front to see max

user46: even marko looked happy about it what is going on?

user47: y'all we knew it was gonna be bad for ferrari y/n wasn't wearing red, call me superstitious but every time she's worn red charles has either won or been on the podium

user48: well that's just what he gets for not appreciating her

user49: as fernando would say KARMA

user50: someone check charles' blood pressure please

maxverstappen1

liked by christianhorner, yourusername and 1,304,662 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: winning on and off the track, some of you can't relate.

view all comments

user51: parents omg

danielricciardo: fighting words maxy, not pulling your punches

maxverstappen1: i do my fighting on the track, not my fault people can't get past turn one to give me a real battle

danielricciardo: i need to be inside your brain

maxverstappen1: no there's images of y/n in my brain that no other man will ever see

danielricciardo: you crack me up maxy

yourusername: woah who's that fine ass piece of woman

maxverstappen1: she's taken sorry

yourusername: that's a shame, i hope that man is taking care of her

maxverstappen1: i don't believe she's got any complaints

yourusername: wow you sound like a gentleman, she's a lucky woman

maxverstappen1: believe me i am the lucky one.

yourusername: awwww maxy you're literally the sweetest person in the world

user52: if i was charles and i saw this after that race you'd have to restrain me i'm so serious

user53: i'm happy for y/n and max but i need them to stop being happy in my face

alexalbon: ur welcome for that first picture btw

yourusername: lily taught you well

alexalbon: so no thanks?

yourusername: i joke thank you very much sir albon

user54: so like all of the twitch quartet are on y/n's side? awkward.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, georgerussell63, 706,835 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: charles and i have been best friends since i knew what the word meant and it really hurts that is has gotten to this point. when charles got his first girlfriend i chalked it up to the excitement of the experience, but when he routinely got in and out of relationships and falling back on our friendship once scorned, i started to question what he really felt about our friendship. i overlooked it every time even when it made me doubt my worth and hoped our friendship meant more. however, the cycle continued and after being left stranded at a beach in a country i do not know i decided it was the end. i have reached out to you so, so many times and want nothing more than our friendship to work and so we can be life-long friends that we can tell our kids about. but i guess it's not worth that much to you and that's something i'll have to reconcile with. the only positive coming from this the fact that it pushed me to the love of my life, so thank you for that.

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charles_leclerc

liked by joristrouche, pierregasly and 1,305,783 others

charles_leclerc: i've already got my trophy, sorry not sorry.

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user56: WHAT THE FUCK

user57: my brain is actually scrambled

user58: charles' must be as well cause no way he thought this was a good idea

landonorris: so this is a low blow

charles_leclerc: since when were you the reference point for morals

landonorris: damn dude, you're in the wrong but go off i guess

user59: why do i actually want to cry for y/n right now? she did this whole ass heartfelt post with no comments so people wouldn't be able to speculate and he replies with a pic of his gf's ASS

danielricciardo: not cool dude

charles_leclerc: i see you all took her side and our friendships mean fuck all

danielricciardo: kinda ironic you bring up respecting friendships

charles_leclerc: spare me the lecture

maxverstappen1: you're a child. but this is the closure she needs. cheers to being an asshole.

charles_leclerc: so you managed to get some of my sloppy seconds, you're welcome

maxverstappen1: she's not sloppy seconds and i can't believe you'd refer to her as that. but if you wanna talk sloppy seconds you can hold the 100 point gap between us in the championship. and y/n will never say this so i'll say it for her GO FUCK YOURSELF

user60: SHOTS FIRED

user61: men are so confusing

yourusername added to their story

[caption: taking some time for myself. thank you for your kind words and know i have an amazing support system around me now]

f1wagsupdates

liked by user65, user66 and 5,430 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

f1wagsupdates: charles leclerc spotted outside y/n y/ln's office with flowers this afternoon. idk at this point, any time i report on this man i lose more brain cells.

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user67: lol even wag page admins are done

f1wagsupdates: he gives me a lot of content but damn he needs to sort his head out

user68: lol this is gonna be an all time apology tour i can't wait

user69: i honestly don't want y/n to forgive him he doesn't deserve it.

user70: yeah max has proven ride or die for y/n so i know who she should stick with

user71: i need him to donate his brain to science cause in what world is a measly bouquet of flowers gonna cover all of this shit ?

user72: legit he's systematically ditched his best friend, let randomers on the internet drage her name through the mud and then liked it and then flaunted the fact that he didn't care about their friendship for everyone to see

maxverstappen1: lol nice try

user73: my petty king i love him so much

user74: i know y/n is taking a break from social media but i hope she knows how much love she's getting

user75: for real we're all on her side i hope she slammed that door in charles' face

user76: i hope that bouquet ended up in the bin

maxverstappen1 added to their story

[caption: special delivery for a special girl]

note: i know this was heavily requested so here it is!! i really like it and it's defo open for a third part if yall want charles and y/n to reconcile? thank you for reading xx

[drdemonprince]

The Barbie Movie is confused -- and it is confused on purpose, because it can't actually acknowledge the role that capitalism and white supremacy play in the patriarchal system that it wants to give itself credit for acknowledging. And so the film introduces patriarchy as a force with no agent or system behind it.

Ken, an oafish goof is able to find the concept of patriarchy and transmit it to the entirety of his society simply by learning about it and speaking about it to his fellow Kens. There is no use of force, no political organizing (notably, the Kens try to take over the political system after they have already taken hold of the culture), no real persuasion even -- simply by hearing about patriarchy the women in Barbieworld somehow become brainwashed by it.

This means we never have to really see the Kens as genuine antagonists, we can still laugh at their bizarrely crammed-together multiple dance numbers and forgive them when they, like the women, are freed of the patriarchy simply by women speaking about the fact that sexism exists. Both the origins of patriarchy and the solution to it is as simple as an individual person telling their story.

The CEOs that run Mattel in the Real World in the film are similarly cartoonish and devoid of real agency. They're even portrayed as generically interested in the idea of Barbie being inspiring to girls. The movie can't even acknowledge their profit motive, and it can't make any of the men running the company look too powerful or even too morally suspect -- but the film does still want to have Barbie encounter sexism in the real world and grapple with the harm "she" (the consumer product, and not the social forces and human beings that created her) has supposedly done.

In the Barbie Movie, patriarchy is a genie in a bottle, and no one is to blame - except maybe Barbie herself, since the movie spends a significant amount of time discussing how she is responsible for giving women unrealistic beauty standards.

And so Barbie is depicted as both sexism's victim and sexism's fault. She's dropped into a patriarchal world that the film acknowledges has a menacing, condescending quality -- but the film can't even have an underlying working theory of where this danger comes from, and who had the power to create this patriarchy in the first place, because that would require being critical of Mattel and capitalism.

And in the film, ultimately the real world with all its flaws and losses and injustices is still preferable to Barbieworld, because you get to have such depth of feeling and experience and you get a vagina, so how bad could really be? And hey, when you think about it, the Barbieworld is just an inversion of the real world, isn't it? A world with women in power is just reverse sexist, so it was justifiable for the Kens to want to take over, and what does it say that all things being equal Barbie still would prefer to leave behind her matriarchy and join the patriarchal capitalist world? That's the real world. Real world is struggle and sexism and loss and pain and capitalism and death and we must accept all of it but it's worth it..

It's not that I'm surprised the film's a clarion call for personal choice white feminism and consumer capitalism. I just expected the call to be a little more seductive or in any way coherent. I wanted to have frothy fun, and instead I was more horrified by the transparency of its manipulation than I was by even the most unsettling moments in Oppenheimer.

[ilyrafe]

after seeing so much one direction content these past couple of days, it got me thinking. one direction really was the last boyband to ever happen. no one will ever come close to what they did in only six years. it’s a once in a generation kind of thing to happen. they didn’t even win the x factor and ended up being the show’s biggest act, 14 years later.

yes, they were manufactured, but at the same time, they were the least manufactured band to ever exist in recent times. they didn’t dance, they weren’t actually meant to be a band, they got everything they had because of charisma and talent. these boys were so talented and charismatic. they didn’t really dress the same, they were working class teenagers with a dream and they did it. and it was beautiful.

after seeing their statements, it’s finally downing on me that one direction is really over and i will never see all five of them together again. 11 year old me is absolutely devastated, and so is 24, almost 25 year old me.

the fangirl in me never went anywhere, it turns out. i still have my 1d concert tickets (the only one i went to and zayn was still in the band!), my albums and dvds, books, theater tickets and every once in a while i would take them out of the box and reminisce of the good old days, never thinking i would mourn one of them so soon. i genuinely thought i would be way older when they would go.

i can’t help but feel so sad that liam’s last years were so erratic and horrible. he was hurting deeply and he deeply hurt other people, and there is no excuse for what he did. i mourn what he once was, what he could have been and how it all ended up being. i take maya’s allegations seriously and i encourage you to do the same. what she is going through right now is impossible to imagine.

for those saying they’re glad “an abuser died”, think about what you’re saying. his death helps no one. his victims will never get justice, he will not take accountability for his actions. no one will ever get closure.

for those saying they feel bad for hating or mocking him, you really should. he was called an opportunist for showing up at the boys’ concerts and yet, when harry would do it, everyone loved it.

liam wasn’t perfect, he fucked up a lot, but like anyone, he had the right to, at the very least, apologize. 31 is too young, and no one deserves to go like this.

all i think about is his little son, who will grow up without his dad. no kid should ever lose their parent, especially at such an young age. the fact that he never once exposed his son to the media (like many celebrities do) to protect his privacy tells me that he loved his boy and knew all too well the damage this exposure would cause.

i saw that some 1d songs are trending again, and as much as i would love to take the day to listen to them, it is too soon. i haven’t been able to watch friends since matthew perry died, haven’t been able to watch brooklyn 99 since andre bragher died and will not be able to listen to 1d for a while.

it’s too soon.

call me dramatic, i don’t really care. the most magical part of my adolescence has ended tragically and i am really at a loss.

for those who are conflicted as i am, take your time. it is okay to be sad he’s gone and, at the same time, feel disappointed or even angry. it is okay to mourn and, at the same time, support maya.

edit: i would also like to express my support to his parents, sisters, cheryl, kate and friends.

[twobellsilence]

I genuinely can't understand why some people still think of Anya as a clumsy, squeamish, incompetent bundle of nerves after finishing the game. Like you'd think that, even before the end, players would realize that Jimmy is a very unreliable narrator, what with his manipulative tendencies, the fact that he's literally hallucinating every other scene, and how different the rest of the crew seems to act from Curly's perspective. But no, many seem to take this version of Anya at face value, and it's very sad because not only is she the most important character in the game, but that description of her falls apart once you actually think about her for a split second!

Anya kept Curly, a severe burn victim and amputee, alive with basic medical supplies. This means she had to take care of him tirelessly, debride his wounds, set up and change his IV, change his bandages, set and clean a bedpan for him... Would a squeamish person be able to do that? A clumsy person who constantly forgets about things? Would an incompetent woman who, according to Jimmy, isn't even worth her title as a nurse, be able to take care of such a high-risk patient that needs tending to like clockwork? No, of course not! Anya is driven. Dedicated. Impossibly strong. This isn't just any patient, but her captain, someone who was clearly important to her and then tried to kill everyone (allegedly), which would no doubt add an extra layer of complexity to working with him in this context. And yet he's still alive and breathing and in top shape all things considered.

The only two things that point to her being incompetent is her inability to enter medical school - the reasons why are never so much as mentioned, but Anya herself says she has no savings, and I haven't really seen anyone speculate it could be because of money, not necessarily her lack of skill - and her inability to give Curly painkillers, which clearly triggers an intense trauma response from her, so it's understandable that she'd seek help from someone else to do it. And then there's the fact that it's not just anyone, but her abuser. Would an incompetent person steel herself and try to convince her RAPIST, someone she's so scared of she literally hid the only gun on the ship so he wouldn't be able to take it, to give her patient painkillers? She could've stalled. Could've straight up given up on trying to give Curly his meds. But she would rather face Jim head on than let that happen, because she's brave, and she knows what she's doing, and refuses to let even her very real trauma get in the way of her duty.

See what I mean? It's easy to see her simply as a nervous person, who spaces out and mopes and can't do something as basic as give a guy some pills. But that's the thing - it's easy. Once you go a little further, once you spot the discrepancies between her apparent personality versus her actions and the way she behaved during Curly's sections, you begin to realize Jim is wrong about her, and you are, too.

For a fandom that likes to overanalyze anything (as you should with a game like this), it's genuinely sad how the same effort isn't always extended to Anya.

[verdantwyrm]

I want you to take a really good long hard think about why Curly's first reaction to Jimmy being pissed is to immediately please. We all talk about how Anya is a victim of Jimmy, and she absolutely is, but so is Curly. His first immediate concern to the way Jimmy reacts to Anya announcing her pregnancy is met with immense fear and anxiety with the added soundtrack of what could be equivalent to the sound of Curly's heart racing.

He is beyond terrified, and when he does finally get to Jimmy, he immediately fawns, he freezes. He makes absolutely no mention of Anya, no mention of anyone else, because all that mattered in that situation of panic was easing Jimmy down and resolving the situation. "We'll fix it, one day at a time. Just you and me" He is trying to eliminate all potential problems in the situation so Curly can take the full front of Jimmy's rage.

Just like how he told Anya that she should have waited for him before telling Jimmy, he places himself infront of everyone else to take the blows. And having known Jimmy for a while now, he would exactly know what that looks like. Which is also representative of the fact that he braces the asteroid head on in the collision.

He was taking responsibility, and he took it. He took that blow, he took that punches, the insults and the degradation. Which again, furthers the point of exactly why Curly wouldn't recognise the signs of Anya being abused as well because this is all so normal for him.

He is just so used to looking at the bigger picture and how it doesn't ruin the illusion. Because he knows its fake, he knows that its not real, but he chooses to look anyways.

He wants so desperately to see the good in Jimmy that he doesn't even understand the damage its caused. His biggest weakness was his own kindness, and how normal it was to be a continuous punching bag, to be the thing in between his crew to protect them, he gave his whole life desperately trying to fix something caused by someone he genuinely tried to see the good in, and only realised he was being played for a fool until the bright, hot, rock was hurdling right towards him.

Because in that moment, he knew what was happening, and what Jimmy had done. But it was too late for realisations, and despite knowing this, he still tried. He still went into the cockpit, he still attempted to divert the ship, he still tried.

Curly is just as much as a victim of Jimmy's mistreatment and abuse as Anya is, in their own unique and parallel ways, they both had everything taken from them. Both an act of sacrifice, nowhere near their worst moments. Far from it, and it was the best one they've ever made.

And Jimmy continued to violate them, take, steal and destroy everything.

[visenyaism]

Heyy!! What are your thoughts on Jaeherys and Alysanne's daughters?

well when your father looks at you and only sees an incarnation of his own sister-wife because you were put on this earth for him to groom into a future child bride for his sons or summarily disposed of it is a bit of a crazymaking situation.

I think the reason Jaehaerys acted inexplicably genuinely shocked every single time one of his teenage daughters got to marrying age and someone suggested that they get married was because he thought that he was going to be the only man in their lives forever because there is something deeply wrong with him. and then their mom is arranging these crazyass matches with older men to live vicariously through them because she never got to choose a partner, so it really is just a complete and total psychosexual codependency enmeshment nightmare.

-think something had to be extremely wrong with valyrian tradwife never allowed to develop an independent identity Alyssa below the surface. because being named the golden child by responding positively to the grooming telling you to peg your brother and wanting to birth him an entire army of sons before dying at 23 definitely speaks to….something. where else do daemon‘s mommy issues come from

-Daella exists to be a victim and dies giving birth to her daughter who also exists to be a victim. sacrificial lamb parthenogenesis.

-Maegelle got out of everything else simply by being conceived with the explicit intention of being a living tithe. somehow the least crazy situation on this list. 

-I don’t know whether or not it is intentional that Saera is written exhibiting so many of the behaviors indicative of being a CSA victim. hypersexual alcoholic dysregulated fifteen year-old being held down and forced to watch her father chop her boyfriend in half by her mom‘s codependent female bodyguard is an experience you could throw the entire works of Sigmund Freud at and come up lacking. i hope lys was nice.

-Viserra being exiled for absorbing too much of the Targaryen grooming background radiation and getting falling down drunk at 15 before making a move on her brother. this just keeps happening to them. I’m sure it’s a coincidence. insane that Alysanne really felt like she was competing with her own daughter here because I know she was a #boymom with baelon and aemon.

-I think it’s interesting how no one mentions Gael ever again after she kills herself and no one seems to think of her at all given the fact that she’s daemon’s age and presumably would’ve interacted with any of the grandkids. I know it’s because textually she’s just an afterthought, but I think it would be interesting if her yellow wallpaper ass existence and the fact that she is basically a pet for her mother her entire life just sort of renders her posthumously unspeakable. no one wants to talk about what happened to her.

[blasphemousclaw]

What is it that you like so much regarding Eder Jori? Gonna be honest, I’m quite disappointed how much little information we get about her, granted she is the leader of a very important order. That being said, arguably one of the best themes in the ost.

honest to god it’s genuinely not even about the lore I just walked into that boss fight and saw a funny little creature casting spells and waving her little arms ringing the little bell around her neck and summoning her entire girl gang to obliterate me in increasingly hilarious ways. how could I not be charmed by that. jori sweep

ok but genuinely the lore of the inquisitor hags is super interesting and underdiscussed? I think it’s interesting that the Hornsent inquisitors are implied to be an all-female order:

and with that last sentence about how seniority is viewed as an asset to the inquisition, I think that means Jori is called the “Elder Inquisitor” because she’s literally the oldest one and that makes her the one in charge!

also, every time I’ve seen people talk about the crimes of the Hornsent, there’s surprisingly little discussion of the inquisition’s cruelty towards Midra and his followers? the implication is that the inquisitors targeted them for their supposed worship of the frenzied flame, which is forbidden to the Hornsent (for good reason)… but I think the horrors that the inquisition brought upon Midra’s Manse only strengthened the frenzied flame’s presence, since it seems to feed on suffering? the inquisition’s execution methods are particularly gruesome:

“Golden greatsword that once pierced the body of Midra, master of the manse. Used by the hornsent in the execution of a damnation like no other. The barbs that pierce the victim from within wind gently around the blade.” (Greatsword of Damnation)

“Greatstaff of Jori, elder inquisitor. The tip bristles with golden barbs symbolic of the inquisition's torture, allowing one to wield the staff as a greatspear.” (Barbed Staff-Spear)

“The arc resembles the barb, a known symbol of coercive questioning.” (Giant Golden Arc)

you can also see a bunch of people executed by golden barbs positioned in front of the Manse, as if they’re serving as an example:

but again, I think the inquisition’s cruelty towards Midra massively backfired on them because there’s a ton of inquisitors wandering around the Abyssal Woods and the Manse itself who have succumbed to the frenzied flame and are now casting frenzy incantations. I think Jori is guarding the entrance to the Abyssal Woods because she knows that the inquisition made a HUGE mistake contributing to the frenzied flame being unleashed, and she’s trying to contain it… and I think she has to summon the girl gang as spirits because she basically lost all her inquisitors down there to the frenzied flame and has no one left to help her. there’s also a lot of emphasis on the fact that the Hornsent inquisitors are targeting other Hornsent here:

“I beg you stop. Haven't I taken enough? Are we not brethren, common in our line? And yet, you offer only cruelty... I ask; what crime did great Midra commit?” (Manse Spirit NPC)

“A glove stitched together from the flayed skin of the victims of a butcherous bloodbath. Afflicts target with madness. Raises attack power when madness is triggered in the vicinity. Forged of an unyielding, black impulse toward revenge fostered in those who were hunted down as heretics by their own brethren, these are the weapons of the utterly downtrodden.” (Madding Hand)

so it’s a pretty important point that the inquisition’s cruelty is being inflicted on their own population… it wasn’t just people like the shamans who suffered at the hands of the Hornsent elites, it was their own people too!

basically this adorable creature has blood on her hands. she is a deeply sick and twisted individual

and yeah the boss music is pretty good too!