#and the fact that she fucking. saved on the fear AS she was being eaten. i..........man. man. man. WOW!

[vigilskeep]

hey harker! very much enjoying the lucanis/illario/general crow posting, and im gonna encourage more: now that you’ve had some time to sit with the game i was really curious to hear more about your opinion on lucanis becoming first talon. i can’t help but feel like it’s completely glossed over that lucanis is definitely going to get chewed up by this job in most save states. i have mixed feelings about it personally - but setting those aside because i’m asking about yours.

i TRULY cannot express this enough: that villa is a tomb and if we do not get him out of there we are burying him in it

lucanis does not want this job. he has straight up canonically always avoided thinking about this by assuming he would die before it becomes something he has to deal with. he reacts with paralysed disbelief to being given it and seems to have barely registered it for the rest of the game. and even if he did want it, lucanis is not capable of this job. none of his skillsets are managing people, or making ruthless calls, or watching out for himself. the only driving force behind him being pushed into this is caterina, who will not be around to do the admin and protect him from external threats forever. and she only wants him to do it in the first place because she had a good heir—his mother—and has needed to project that dead daughter onto lucanis for his whole life, to believe she hasn’t already gambled and irrevocably lost her family’s future decades ago. but lucanis’ incapacity to ever say no to her, which is what lets him stay that eternal teacher’s pet, is one of the most obvious shining examples why he would be so bad for the job!

it would be an uphill battle for anyone to recover control of an assassin house that until last week was being run by your cousin who tried to kill you. it would be an uphill battle for anyone to lead the crows in the aftermath of the antaam occupation. it would be an uphill battle for anyone to cope with the fact that relying on viago and teia—which lucanis with his resources and skills has no choice but to do here, even if he didn’t simply like them and make choices based on liking people because he is not a strategist—presents them as an alliance that any other ambitious talon must cut down to get anywhere. three out of eight of the talons is such a ludicrously dangerous number. it does not take an overwhelmingly brilliant mind to notice that there’s more of us than there are of them

the best man for the job would still be fighting for their life, and lucanis is far from the best man. caterina was! and she still lost five children and six grandchildren holding it! that’s so many! have you guys ever seen that one post about people who kept getting a new outdoor cat every time the last one got eaten by cougars and it was pointed out they were basically just feeding cats to the cougars. that’s what caterina dellamorte was doing having kids

the points in lucanis’ favour off the top of my head are the weight of the dellamorte name and reputation, that his victory over illario was decisive and public, and simply the fear factor that he is a god slayer and, lest we forget, a fucking abomination. is that enough to keep him alive? for how long? under what level of constant anxiety and moral degradation for his very soft over-caffeinated heart? all for the questionable gain of several large and empty villas and the privilege of dragging out the slow and lingering death of a family that, you guessed it, you love it, it’s the thedas favourite: has no! next! generation! heirs! at all!!!

(unless illario has a bunch of kids somewhere. i think that would be objectively pretty funny, a sentence i managed to type most of before feeling ill. oh god we need to get them out.)

i apologise that my tone here is somewhat hysterical but i have been living in the mind of my rook, a character very aware of the realities of crow politics who loves lucanis very much. it does not surprise me that lucanis was once again incapable of even conceptualising saying no to his grandmother and accepted the title, or that the idea of abandoning her legacy and his family would seem insurmountable to him when he has been raised to believe it’s all he’s for and he is the last one shouldering the weight. but i am saying this with total and absolute confidence: this is another prison and he is going to die in there if nobody gets him out.

[toon-topaz]

HIII so basically i am obsessed with your vampire if. I've never even had a specific fixation on vampires lol but i LOVE the idea of giving subaru even more reason to be paranoid of the people around him!!! :D ALSO ALSO the trauma of being killed by vampires?? beings he idolises?? Something else he'll probably have a breakdown about yay!!! ^^ ANYWAY if you don't mind me asking how do you think him being human would affect his relationships with others who know/don't know?? Like in canon he's already an incomprehensible weirdo but now that he's ACTIVELY trying to hide something do those not in the know suspect/distrust him even more?? For those that DO know how do they feel about it?? Do they have to like. Actively cover up for him when he slips up?? Does the shared secret bring them closer?? e.g., in Pristella haha what do you mean its suspicious that you've never seen Natsuki eat?? Now that i think about it since Emilia's been established as a subpar liar its probably Otto who has to save Subarus human ass lol assuming he's eventually told as a part of his camp. Sorry for the uncomfortably detailed ask lmao ur au just grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go!!

Oh please don't apologize, I am absolutely delighted to be getting interest in my silly little au :D

I’ll try my best to answer all your questions but feel free to ask more or just throw in some ideas of your own hehe, either in reblogs or DMs I don’t mind.

So yes absolutely he will be having many breakdowns about it on top of your usual “stuck in a timeloop of death” breakdowns lol. He learns very quick why being in a world full of vampires is absolutely not fun, and to be fair he did sort of assume he’d get turned at some point and get to live as one. Alas, he’s simply too fragile to withstand the process, if he even gets that far before just dying of blood loss. He’s very tasty.

His relationships with everyone are made even more complex than they already are by the fact that they could straight up kill him if they pick him up wrong. He has to walk on eggshells and he hates it, and so do they. He’s trying so hard to be a tough masculine man like his father, hell he likes being all rough and tumble and play fighting and all that, but he just can’t. Back home he was at least fairly fit and resilient but here, in comparison to everyone else (even the village children)? He feels utterly worthless, and it absolutely starts to skew his sense of self. Was he ever even that athletic? Has he always been so breakable, or is it just that everyone here is superhuman? It’s not even limited to just Reinhard or Garfiel anymore, it’s everyone, including random thugs. The malnutrition from a lack of a balanced diet in the first few months aren’t helping his physical state, nor is the insomnia.

It isn’t helped by the fact that after just a couple loops, he’s legitimately quite afraid of his friends and enemies alike. He doesn’t hold a candle to them, and if any of them were so inclined to harm him, if they suddenly became hostile (he’s carrying a LOT of miasma, AND his human blood is like ambrosia to pretty much every vampire), there would be quite literally nothing he could do to stop him. And the only failsafe he has is rewinding time a bit to try and stop whatever happened from happening this time.

His developing brain is pretty much fucked, because while he’s terrified of his friends he still loves them all so very much, even the ones who have actually killed, maimed, tortured and/or eaten him. The idea of love in his mind goes hand in hand with fear and pain, and there’s no separating it at this point, which leaves him at once incredibly wary and paranoid, and paradoxically very susceptible to manipulation. He can’t hold it against them, if they get a whiff of his blood they can’t help it, no matter how many nights he spends awake and trembling under his covers. The only one he doesn’t fear like this is Beatrice, because she isn’t a vampire. Once they form their contract he at least has someone to hold onto and keep an eye on the door for him. Beatrice swears she won’t let anything get him in his sleep, and she means it.

The one boon all this has given him, if you can call it that, is that it’s turned him into a VERY good liar. He’s much better at improvising a cover story than his canon counterpart, even able to keep track of multiple lies at once. He allows himself to be a bit more open with his own camp, who all are informed eventually, and with a little bit of help from resident fraud expert Otto, he’s able to have a fully crafted and rehearsed backstory, paperwork and all. He’s only this weak because he’s afflicted with a chronic sickness that stunts his vampiric powers. Yes, it’s permanent, it’s a family curse. Don’t worry about how there’s no records of such a disease existing outside of this one certificate that definitely wasn’t forged.

The constant lying is isolating, but at least this secret is one he keeps on purpose, for a very good reason. At least it’s not something he physically cannot talk about lest he and his loved ones be violently punished, like that other thing. Thanks Satella.

As for how everyone else feels about this, I’ve mostly detailed it in that other post (that I have a followup reblog to in the works I promise), I can link it in the replies if you haven’t seen it.

The whole Priestella thing would be VERY funny though, and by funny I mean horrifying, because these damned Archbishops are even scarier now. I haven’t yet thought about how Dragon’s Blood would affect him differently but man it sure is fun to think about.

Anyways yea that’s my brain dump for now uwu, hope you enjoyed and again, don’t be afraid to start a conversation I love to chat

[a-bucket-of-trash]

Kelvin- Observations and theories (With major Spoilers)

This is going to be based on two endgame cutscenes, so if you haven't seen anything and don't want spoilers, please just get out of here because it's going to be very explicit. I can't go to half measures to camouflage spoilers here, sorry. Ahead Spoilers

First observation: How the fuck did Kelvin and Virginia get into the Cube?

Let's remember that neither of them enters any cave during the entire game, despite the fact that Virginia can reach the levels of being a mutant turret capable of killing twice as many enemies, she never goes to a cave, much less Kelvin for the reasons previously explained here (Short story, he is deaf, if you put him almost blindly in a cave, he would be eaten by bats).

Not only that, but both of them are being chased by "Silver Jacket Guy" (Who's name is Jianyu Zhang). That is in itself suspicious. Zhang could have killed us (AND Kelvin) early in the game, but he didn't for SOME REASON (possibly he was trying to find the Cube? IDK and IDC), and he never came across us on the island. Why was he following Kelvin and Virginia?

Theory A: Zhang finds them outside the cave and takes them hostage/chases them. This means that they did not defend themselves or hide. Perhaps seeing Zhang and his team as non-mutants/cannibals, they let their guard down believing they were safe. In fact, except for seeing them run in front of Zhang, at no time do we see that he is a danger to our babies.

Theory B: Kelvin and Virginia entered first (into the most beastly cave in the game) and Zhang followed them. Even weirder, since, again, they never enter a cave of their own free will. Did they enter voluntarily? Were they escaping from enemies and saw no other solution than to enter? Also, they both arrive QUICKLY. They were literally no more than 30 seconds away, like they were following us, hot on our heels. Why so rush? Did they know that they had to get in so as not to mutate? Zhang told them? (The only thing we need is Zhang being good all along lmao unless??)

Too many unanswered questions. The only facts: Kelvin and Virginia entered a monumental cave, unarmed, following us by no more than 30 seconds, sustaining no damage in the process.

Second observation: In relation to us, Kelvin sits the same in both helicopters.

One-way helicopter: Full health +50 music. With his back to the pilot, window to his left. Fisheye to the right of him, in front and diagonal to us.

Helicopter back: +50 trauma and -80 HP, facing the pilot, window to his right, Eric LeBlanc to his left and, repeating in front and diagonal of us.

Also, add the fact that on the way out he looks at Fisheye and us a couple of times, but on the rescue he never looks at Eric and just keeps his head looking out. It is obviously an indication of the difference in behavior. He went on a mission to chill listening to music, and comes out with a possible combo of traumas, possibly including a fear of getting on a helicopter. Although the fear of staying on the island must be monumentally bigger.

But in both cases, he has us in sight. As in the entire game, Kelvin has us in sight. We are his point of reference, his source of security, what he has to see to be sure that we are not only okay, but that he will also be okay. If he can see us, everything will be fine *Sound of heart breaking*

Here, too those with an RTX 3080 or a full 5K display or better eyes will need to help me confirm the following:

Does Kelvin have his eyes closed?? Has our favorite deaf person closed his eyes once we were rescued because he finally knows that we are safe (with emphasis on us)? Kelvin uwu are u ok?

Also, I hate that in the scene where we started out on the beach, we were literally at nothing away from saving Kelvin.

(lmao the screenshot)

If we had held him down, he might not have fallen into the arena from the sky, causing hearing loss and head damage. But he also might have fallen into the sea and drowned/trapped under the helicopter, so I don't know what to believe. I choose to believe.

Bonus: Screenshots of our sleeping baby (actually unconscious) because uwu Feel free to steal uwu

Peace off ♥

[velvetwarfare]

welcome to a lore dump of pre-turned and some notable turned betty facts that explains why she’s this bad

🐀

- First and foremost, literally everything I write about her pre-turned verse derives from the LARP I attend and act out in person while playing her character. It’s a weekend long, I’m actually going this coming week (that’s when her brother dies and she officially becomes a vampire lol), and anything important that happens there is written into her backstory here. I play her future verse here. Both her past and present are constantly being updated, as whatever occurs in LARP directly influences her present, making her the only character I have that will be consistently updated for years coming.

- Leathe is the hometown/world she comes from. She is a Shavali — a spiritual and Slavic based group that are very, very tight knit and essentially act like a mafia. Family and freedom means everything to them. They are externally performers, jesters, entertainers, wear a shit ton of colorful clothing and bells and sashes to gain the spotlight. Internally, they are very perceptive, keen, eavesdroppers, sly, and can even be murderous as all fuck should someone harm one of the family.

However, their two-sided reputation eventually caught up to them and towns often view Shavali in a negative light — murderers, thieves, liars, etc. They’re often the first blamed for town crimes, even if they had nothing to do with it. Shavali are constantly fighting to prove their worth.

To lose a family member is to lose your entire self.

- Betty as a human used to have a personality similar to Charlie. Save your people under any cost necessary, redeem the misunderstood and damned. She loved so hard, cared very deeply, and was always on guard to protect. She was a heroine — a front liner, a fighter with a two-sided battle axe the same height as herself (5’7). She was also a bard and performed under the stage name ‘Lullaby Betty’ — and all of her bardic spells dealt w mind manipulation. She was very persuasive and charismatic, occasionally sultry and seductive to get information out of someone.

This bled somewhat into her turned days — her axe isn’t used as much and her bardic spells were entirely forgotten, replaced with her vampire powers as well as blood magic. She’s even more conniving in her persuasion and charisma and she’s even worse with being seductive to get what she wants. Before it was usually for fun, but nowadays it’s used with malicious intent. Her turned days are chaotic evil. Her pre turned days were chaotic neutral.

She slowly forgot about her good morals and regards for others the more the vampiric disease festered. Love became obsession, the plethora of traumas and losses turned her into a selfish and closed off creature coupled with unbridled rage and bitterness, and her respect for the Gods went out the window. Any hope to be a heroine was trashed due to how badly it hurt and how horridly the expectations of the townsfolk damaged her, leading her to entirely discard the optimistic look on anything that walked the earth. Obsessed with freedom and getting to do whatever the fuck she wanted with no repercussion, she became a villain, never wanting to feel the pain of loss and rejection again after failing too many times to save her people.

- People don’t necessarily die in Leathe. They die often in AWFUL ways — but are usually sent back to the living with no memory. If your luck is particularly shitty, you could not come back though.

Yeah, that fucked her up pretty badly. That meant she would have had to watch ALL of her family and friends die CONTINUOUSLY and never know if they’d return or not. Too many times had she watched her loved ones perish in some freak accident or failure in battle, sob out, then wait in the freezing cold for them to come back in fears they wouldn’t. Her father figure once was turned to ash right in front of her. Her older brother was poisoned slowly. She once was eaten alive by a zombie lord herself. The dead may not remember, but she sure as fuck does.

Over and over and over and over again.

- Her older brother, Dimitrius, taught her everything. He raised her, protected her, taught her about the culture, taught her how to honor the spirits, how to get around town, etc. She looked up to him like a fucking God more than a brother — she wanted to be like him when she was older. He was a role model and her last saving grace.

However, he turned his soul over to an infernal many moons ago to save some of the family — which means when he dies for the last time, his soul doesn’t get to reincarnate or go anywhere. It goes to the infernal’s lantern — and used as ammo against the celestials, ceasing to exist. Nothingness.

He was killed in front of her. She screamed, begged, tried to attack the infernal, her father figure had to hold her back — and nobody could do anything. All she had left of him was his bell of healing, which she still wears on today centuries later. Despite the countless years passing, she never forgot about Dimitrius.

It was the same day she too died and became a vampire — and it was that very day the original Betty died with him.

She was never the same again upon respawn.

- The townsfolk eventually split into unsure gossips when they found out she was a vampire amongst the living.

On one side, she DID continue to fight for her people — albeit a lot more violently and mercilessly now. She was BRUTAL with her axe and carried the rage of a barbarian (her father figure was in fact a barbarian lmao) and was taught lethal blood magic by the same vampire that bit her. She was melded into a winter soldier by the church of Drevarria — a goddess that created the undead and taught her followers necromancy and lessons through unadulterated agony. Meaning she would be trained so violently that she nearly DIED relentlessly. Broken limbs, punctured organs, open lacerations, violent spellwork, etc and still forced to fight and endure to become numb to the agony.

All of this made her a fucking TERRIFYING opponent to deal with became she was immune to common physical bludgeons, mind alterations, and fear itself. She often carried about an aura of intimidation and a spell that caused others to cower in fear, only to decapitate them once they fell to their knees.

The other side feared her so much for being undead that they actually tried to kill her. Her own friends did in fact turn against her and tried to kill her despite her trading in mortality in order to protect her people better.

And thus, the anger and bitterness grew.

- When I tell you this bitch became a force to be RECKONED with after she left Leathe on nothing but HATRED, ANGER, BETRAYAL, AND A DISGUST FOR ANYTHING THAT BREATHED OR EXISTED LMAO

Thus, the lovely Ubersreik (Warhammer End Times) days commenced ✨

The era of self experimentation to see how far she can push her immortal body, getting appointed as a war commander for these giant ass mutated rat men, claiming part of an abandoned castle to train her men and herself, raiding clans, mass genocide on both other clans and humans, interrogation and torture, black market business with her elixir brewing, etc. This resulted in a LOT of deaths — but due to her immortality and never ending spite for the Gods, she kept coming back. Which made her power trip all the more insane.

- And then FINALLY, on her tenth death, the Gods went god fuck this bitch and shot her down to Hell to punish her for the novels worth of crimes.

and she just set up shop in the hotel with her elixirs and thrived with the chaos, not regretting a damn thing GFGDHDHFHVBB

[msvorderofoperations]

More dream journaling.

This one was really fucking intense, and I feel pretty comfortable calling it a nightmare even if everything was fairly mundane.

It started off being about on vacation with the whole extended family. It was to be a kind of last hurrah before my immediate family moved to a different country. As has been the problem lately, my mom was causing tons of problems. She was ordering people around and getting mad at people for doing things she asked of them. Eventually it reaches a head, and I go off on her about how she has ruined any chance of this being a good time. In addition to being a completely unreasonable control freak, she has utterly forgotten a bunch of the things she has done and said. And it goes beyond selective memory, (which has long been a problem in dealing with her) it now is clearly dementia.

In all the time it takes to wrest control from her and make the required arrangements for her to be given the care she needs and to stop her from doing any more damage, the vacation has ended and it has fully eaten into the time I needed to pack. In the days leading up to the move, I start having dreams (I have had multi-level dreams long before Inception made it into a meme) about being a soldier in an armed conflict.

The experience is about as bad as it can be, with awful mental conditioning, being completely unsupported during combat, the dehumanizing aftermath where we're given cheap trinkets made with slave labour to signify our deeds. And to top it all off, we weren't even paid in money for our time served: we get paid in spices, pigments, and tokens that can be exchanged elsewhere.

I eventually wake up (from the dream within a dream at least), and start working on trying to frantically get things squared away for the move. As I'm working, I see a bunch of stuff from my early life that I had completely forgotten. And as the memories start coming back, I begin to wonder if the dreams of war were in fact memories that I had suppressed. This is something that has happened to me IRL, and I'm keen to disprove the dream being real because so many awful things were done to me, and done by me.

As I randomly search through my possessions for something to either prove positive or disprove the dreams were real, I start to remember more of the war. Our last operation had been a complete clusterfuck, with many members of our unit being permanently injured and more than a few outright dying. As I more and more desperately try and find anything to prove it didn't happen, a final detail clicks in my head: the person most adversely affected by PTSD was given one final order. Kill the remaining people of our unit should anything come to light about our mission.

At this point I am just throwing out most of my possessions to try and save time and get things moving because I am now fully afraid for my life. I can't even tell anyone about my fears or ask for confirmation about my time served because that may be enough to sign my death warrant.

Eventually I make it onto the flight and it's a long one, I think from Canada to Australia. I dream once again, but this time it's benign anime robot fighting bullshit. I wake up again and move to head to the bathroom, and I see the dude who had been given the order to kill us. I try not to freak out but once I'm again seated I desperately search to see if anything I have in my carry-on can be used as a weapon to defend myself.

At this point I finally, mercifully, wake up for real.

[millenianthemums]

so i was thinking about what my OCs’ worst fears would be, as you do, and i kind of realized that Tal and Cylox pretty much share the same fundamental fear. they both believe on some level that they’re just bad people deep down, and that no amount of good they do will ever change that. and their worst fear is of being proven right in that. i put a readmore because this post got way too long.

like, Cylox is a mind flayer. he’s eaten a lot of brains in his 19 years of life (sometimes i think about the fact that Cylox is technically still a teenager and feel a bit sick, sorry). he still occasionally needs to eat brains to survive. he honestly believes that nothing can ever make up for that. the fact that he has to hurt others just to exist.

and that’s not even mentioning Selene. she sacrificed her life for him. Cylox is terrified by the thought that her last act, saving his life, was the wrong thing for her to do. it was wrong, in his eyes, to extend the life of a creature that kills others to live.

Tal, meanwhile, has been through a lot of traumatic shit that i’ve never discussed. they grew up in an orphanage and. spoilers. but there was a kid that bullied them and Vree all the time, and one day that kid made the rookie mistake of being mean to them while standing next to a cliff, and Tal threw the one and only full-fist punch they’ve ever thrown in their life and that kid fell straight off that cliff.

and NO ONE EVER FOUND OUT. Vree was the only witness, and she has never said a word to anyone. as far as anyone else knows, what happened to that kid was a total accident. but Tal knows, and their biggest fear is that nothing they do will ever make up for that. that’s the reason for their total pacifism and commitment to healing now. they’ve taken it upon themself to fix everyone and everything so they can stop feeling guilty about what they did when they were a child.

and that’s where they differ, i think. in their responses. because Cylox’s response at first is apathy and self-isolation. he doesn’t see a point in actively doing good, because it won’t change anything. he’ll always be what he is. and Tal’s response is overcorrecting and being super self-sacrificing and constantly needing to do good things all the time.

ironically, this unhealthy tendency of Tal’s is what starts to help Cylox out of his own unhealthy tendencies. they pretty much immediately take Cylox on as a project because they can see how fucked up he is right away. they try to show him the value in the good things he’s able to do, and the joy of helping others, and they’re able to teach him that good deeds are valuable for their own sake.

and then Cylox turns around and starts helping Tal with their issues because he teaches them that they don’t need to put all their needs aside to be worthy of love. because Cylox just sees Tal as the absolute best person in the whole world. the kindest, most heroic, most wonderful person alive. and at first Tal kind of brushes it off because he doesn’t REALLY know them, not the REAL them, but, like, Cylox is a telepath. i can’t imagine that during all the time they’ve spent adventuring together that there’s any way Cylox WOULDN’T eventually catch a glimpse of Tal’s traumatic dreams or guilty thoughts. and it wouldn’t really matter to him because he also sees Tal’s ACTIONS. and that’s who the real Tal is. it’s not that what they did back then doesn’t matter, but past bad deeds don’t erase good deeds done today.

and that’s the point, really. that’s what they learn from each other. it’s not the sum total of all your actions that matters. it’s what you choose to do each day, each moment. it’s what you’re doing NOW. and they’re both able to heal a lot because they’re able to see their own issues through someone else and realize independently that the bad things they’ve done don’t make the good things they do worthless, and that they both are worthy of love, because they love each other. even if they both can be selfish sometimes, even if they both don’t always do the right thing, they love each other.

and meanwhile Marian is over there like. “that’s cool, guys. my fear is public speaking.”

[baka-monarch]

Innocent

Part 2

Trigger warnings: vore, mouth play, dehumanization

Part 1

-------------------------------------------------------

For the past week Wilbur had been taking care of Tommy, teaching them things that kids his age should already know, and becoming more attached to them then ever- oh and also he'd been failing at teaching the kid to hide from other humans. Wilbur had quickly learned that this kid had absolutely no fear of humans, which wouldn't be a bad thing if it weren't for the social norms that were eating tinies, killing tinies, and basically torturing them. Most humans didn't view tinies as people (Wilbur included a few weeks ago), so much so to the point that it had taken Wil twelve hours to find a kids show without eating tinies in it for Tommy to watch; and he wanted to make sure that Tommy knew to hide from humans because of it. The problem was no matter how many times he told Tommy to hide, played hide and seek where he'd pretend to be the "big bad human" to teach them to hide, and no matter how many times he told them to stay hidden whenever someone came home- Tommy always, ALWAYS, would run out into the open to see Wilbur whenever he came home from work, and even playing hide and seek. There seemed to be absolutely nothing he could do to teach this kid to avoid humans and he was running out of time. 

Wilbur's roommate Dream had been gone for the past few weeks to visit an out of town friend, and Dream was like Wilbur. He was raised with the same social norms and ate mostly the same things which meant if Dream came home while Wilbur wasn't there and found Tommy- well, Wilbur really didn't want to think about what would happen, but he knew it would be bad. All he knew was that Dream was coming home at the end of this week, and Wilbur still had yet to instill some sort of instinct to hide from humans in the little tiny he'd decided to adopt, and unfortunately he had to work this weekend… so Tommy might end up being alone when Dream arrived… fuck. 

"Tommy…." Wilbur spoke up, looking down at the tiny kid curled up in his hand as they looked away from the TV and up at him. "I have to work again this weekend, do you remember what I told you what to do when I'm at work?"

"Hmmmm oh- uhm, wait for you!" Tommy smiled up at Wil and he couldn't stop himself from smiling softly back, and ruffling their hair with finger.

"Yeah, and what else?" He asked and watched as their adorable little face scrunched up in concentration as they tried to remember, their tiny little cheeks puffing up to show just how concentrated they were. 

"I gotta…. I gottaaaaaaaaaaaaa eat food when the clock is loud!!!" Tommy smiled as he assumed he got the right answer. They weren't wrong, Wilbur did leave out lunch for them and they weren't supposed to eat it until an alarm he had set went off- but that's not what he meant.

"True- but I mean hiding Tommy, you need to remember to hide if someone comes here." Wilbur lifted the kid up to his face to show how serious he was about this- but Tommy only jumped onto his nose to hug it.

"But what if it's you! I gotta say hai!!!" The child whined, and Wilbur couldn't stop the small giggle that escaped him as he went crossed eyes to see them.

"You can say hi once I say it's me- you remember how to know if it's me right?"

"Mhm, you yell AYUP!! Whenever you're home!" Tommy smiled, happy he could remember.

"That's right, so if anyone opens the door this weekend you need to hide until you hear me say-"

"Ayup!!"

"Yeah! You got it bud! You're going to do such a good job!" Wilbur praised them, but silently hoped Tommy actually did it this time unlike all the other times this week when they'd just run up to the door in excitement. 

"I know I am!!! B'cause I'm the amazing Tommyinnit!!!!" Tommy giggled as he tried to climb higher on the bridge of Wilbur's nose.

"Yeah kid… yeah of course you can…."

•••

"Alright Tommy, I'm going to work now- you remember what to do?" Wilbur shoved his trenchcoat over his yellow jumper as he stood at the door, looking into the living room where he could see Tommy sitting on the coffee table watching TV.

"Yep! Hide and wait for you!!!" Tommy yelled back.

"Good- I'll see you in a few hours okay?"

"Okie!!" Tommy yelled, and watched as Wilby went out the door and closed it behind himself. Now Tommy was alone, a familiar feeling to him after spending so long in his cage, but this time he could go around and do stuff while he waited for Wilby!

Tommy walked over to one side of the coffee table where there was a small starch of square sticky paper (what did Wilby call it? Post- pots- pass? Eet? Not? No? It was something weird-). Tommy climbed on top to the small stack, grabbed the edge of one, and started to pull it back while walking backwards. It didn't take long for him to fall over with the sheet of sticky paper, and once he had it he stuck it down to the table. Now for the easy part; AKA, grabbing the led (it's led right? He's pretty sure Wilby called it led) that was off to the side, and now he could draw!

Tommy layed down on top of the paper as he drew, sticking his little tongue out in concentration as he made little marks on the paper. At the moment he was really just drawing whatever came to mind: Wilby, himself, the sheep from inside the TV, his cage- anything that really came to mind. 

He had been drawing for almost an hour before he heard the familiar clicks and scratching noises that meant someone was unlocking the door. It must be Wilby, he thought to himself as he stood up and went to the edge of the coffee table where a blanket was taped down. Tommy quickly slid down to the floor and started running to the door; he felt like he was forgetting something, but it probably wasn't important, and if it was then Wilby could tell him what it was. Tommy only stopped running once he was in front of the door, bouncing on his feet as he watched it open, smiling with excitement to see Wilby-

The big person who was on the other side of the door was not Wilbur. He was shorter and had dirty blonde longish hair, and green eyes. His face was peppered with freckles, and he was wearing a green hoodie. 

Dream walked into the familiar house carrying a backpack full of dirty laundry after weeks of being away with him. He looked around curiously, he knew Wilbur was probably going to be at work when he got back, but it was weird that the TV was left on while they were gone. He shrugged it off, and just closed the door behind himself, and was looking at the floor as he turned around- Dream let out a startled noise at what he saw. There on the floor staring up at him with a face full of wonder, was a tiny, one that seemed younger then most.

"Oh… one must've gotten away from Wil" Dream reasoned to himself and reached down to grab it, satisfied as it didn't even try to get away- actually it started to giggle as he picked it up. 

"Do you know Wilby?" The small thing asked, and Dream was a little confused by the nickname. It was obviously talking about Wilbur, but why would it be calling him that.

"Uh yeah?" As he answered, the tiny only seemed to smile more. Weird, usually it'd be scared by now.

"I'm Tommy, it's nice to meet you, Wilby's friend!" The tiny waved at him, and he just kept getting more and more confused.

"Nice to meet you too I guess…" Or more, nice to eat you, Dream mused to himself. He was sure Wilbur wouldn't mind if he ate this tiny, they were probably just saving it for later anyways- plus eating it would finally end the confusion he felt when thinking that food was adorable when having a goofy little smile like that. With that in mind Dream opened his mouth and tossed the tiny inside, trying to ignore the way it giggled at being thrown. He quickly closed his mouth around it and started to lick.

"Excuse me, big person" The tiny spoke up and he could feel it push back on his tongue a bit, but it wasn't much, almost like it wasn't actually fighting… "Wilby said I'm not supposed to let big people eat me."

"And why's that?" Dream asked, not even bothering to move the tiny out of the way as he spoke, and simply tossed it around in his mouth as he moved his tongue to form words.

"Well, he said mama isn't ready to see me yet!" Mama? Dream asked himself internally. Tinies don't have familial bonds, they're all just little snacks that people eat, yeah they're alive but that doesn't change the fact that it's just an animal meant to be eaten. 

"He doesn't know what he's talking about, I'm sure she's ready to see you." He mused, since he might as well play along if only to not gag if this tiny started squirming.

"Okie!" The tiny shouted and suddenly it stopped pushing on his tongue at all, anything that had felt like the tiny might've been fighting against him stopped, as it just laid on his tongue. Then, when Dream began to lick again he heard some adorable (-not adorable, remember it's just food Dream) giggled from the tiny as he coated it with saliva. He didn't hear the tiny say anything else about the fact that it was about to die until he started to push it towards the back of his throat to swallow, "Bye bye Wilby's friend- oh can you please please please tell him that I went to mama? Thank you!"

With that Dream stopped. He pushed the tiny to the front of his mouth as he started to think about this weird tiny. He didn't know how but it… it was acting like an actual child. Like a real human child. Why had Wilbur really kept it- them? Him? What was actually going o-

"Dream stop!!!" Dream's thoughts were suddenly cut off as he was shoved to the ground and his mouth was for ed open. He coughed a bit after a hand grabbed the tiny out- and when he looked up to see who it was he was surprised by the sight.

"Wilbur!? What the heck!?" Dream shoved the other human off of himself, and didn't miss the way that they hugged the tiny child to their chest protectively.

"I could ask you the same fuuu- freaking thing!!" Wilbur scooted away from Dream and continued to cup the tiny to his chest, blocking them completely from Dream's view with two hands. 

Dream took a moment to process the situation, glancing back and forth between Wilbur's hands and Wilbur's face and things slowly started to click. "You…. When were you gonna tell me you adopted a kid?"

"Well I was hoping to do it after we were both home and I could keep Tommy safe."

"Keep Tommy- keep the tiny- KEEP IT SAFE!? If you didn't want me to try and eat it you should've called or texted me before I got here!" Dream yelled, knowing that this would've been an easy solution that should've been quickly thought of- but of course, Wilbur in his dumbassery hadn't thought of that.

"Him."

"What?"

"He is a him, not an it." Wilbur corrected.

"Seriously!? That's the part you're focusing on!?"

"Yes, because Tommy is a person, a bit dumb for running out to see you, but a person." Wilbur smiles fondly as he says this and ruffles Tommy's hair with his thumb. 

"Sure- but still, why didn't you just message me about him, you still have a phone-" Dream points out and notices an embarrassed look quickly grow onto Wilbur's face. 

"Well I didn't really think of that…" They say and it makes Dream let out a small groan.

"Okay, I'm going to go do laundry, and when I'm done you can tell me all about this… Tommy." Dream stands up and leaves the two alone- but as he glanced back and sees the kid again he can't stop himself as he gains a fond smile. Okay, maybe he was a little adorable...

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Mcyt g/t list:

@trashpumped @lorie-the-little-ghost @encaos @i-am-a-weeb @wyforyu-gaming @5unfl0writ3r @colorfulsiren @moonmwah @iwasgoingtohellanyways @echoslime @wilbur-simp @trouble-off-grid @lilsyxx @smogs-0 @hello-world-im-snow

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 301: All My Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: We learned that when a bunch of superpowered villains are suddenly set loose with nobody around to stop them, things get fucked pretty quickly. Old Man Samurai and a bunch of other useless people decided to make “I pretend I do not see it” their new mantra, and resigned. Endeavor had a moment of despair on account of being crushed by the guilt of having ruined the lives of himself, his family, and basically everyone else in the entire world. For various reasons the heretical notion of “person who has done bad things feels sorry for doing them” sent fandom spiraling into a meltdown, so that was fun. The chapter ended with the entire Todoroki clan descending upon Enji’s hospital room to have a dramatic chat about Touya and All That General Fuckery.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “here’s the story of how Baby Touya slowly went insane trying to win his father’s love.” It’s a tale full of subverted expectations and heartbreaking inevitability, and also like twenty panels of the cutest fucking kids who ever existed on planet earth, who are so fucking cute that I can’t stop thinking about their cuteness even with all of the horrifying family tragedy unfolding around them. It is absolutely ridiculous how cute they are. Touya is out here pushing his tiny body past its limits because he inherited the same obsession as his dad and neither of them can put it aside even though it’s destroying them, and yet all I can think about is Baby Shouto’s (。･o･｡) face. Anyways what a chapter.

so I have to confess that even though I managed to avoid being caught off-guard by the early leaks, the number of people reblogging my Endeavor posts from earlier this week and using the tag “bnha 301” kind of gave me an inkling that this chapter will include more Tododrama lol. that said, I don’t know anything else about it, so we’re still good spoiler-wise

AHHHHH FLAHSBAKC AHHHH. omg I know I typoed the shit out of that, but I’m just going to leave it lol I think it’s fitting

holy shit holy fuck. so this is Rei and Enji’s first meeting, then??

yepppp, oh shit

so wait, I know this is not even the slightest bit important, but are they meeting at Enji’s home or Rei’s? because I always figured that Enji was the one with the super-Japanese aesthetic, but maybe that was Rei’s side of the family all along

(ETA: from what I found during my very brief google search, omiai meetings are often held at fancy hotels or restaurants, so maybe that’s what this is.)

there’s such a period drama feel to this setting. like it’s so outrageously formal fff how can anyone stand this kind of atmosphere though seriously

OH THANK GOD

I mean they’re still stiff af but at least they’re not rigidly sitting in seiza and staring at each other unblinkingly anymore lol. Enji’s actually got his hands in his pockets now. why is this somehow almost cute

oh damn it’s the flowers

Rei seems so subdued and it’s so hard to get any idea of what she’s actually thinking. I want to see her side of this dammit

but anyway, so at least from Enji’s perspective it seems like even though the marriage was arranged and he picked her because of her quirk, he still loved his wife and wanted to do right by her. the fact that he was watching her and noticed that she liked the flowers, and remembered that detail for all these years -- there’s a reason why Horikoshi’s showing us this. we know what’s going to happen later on; we know how much fear and violence and breaking of trust is coming up ahead, and while it may seem like this scene is serving to soften Enji’s character further -- which to be fair it is -- it also helps drive home the full impact of his abuse. that it’s so terrible not only because of the trauma of the abuse itself, but also because of the way it retroactively destroys all of the good things as well. this could have potentially been such a sweet scene, but it’s inescapably tainted by the knowledge of what’s to come, at least for me. and that’s just brutal

anyways, shit. is the whole chapter going to be like this?? feel free to toss in something I can actually make a joke about sometime, Horikoshi

oop, back to the present

omfg lol

“are you all right” “NO I’M NOT ALL RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK.” “oh, right, because of all the stuff that’s happened with me abusing you and you having a mental breakdown and being hospitalized for ten years and then our son coming back to life and killing thirty people, right, right. I almost forgot.” whoops

omfg you guys I’m loving this new and improved steely-eyed Rei. I’m loving her a lot

and what do you mean “part one” fkjds how long is this going to be. TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ONE CHAPTER TO HANDLE

oh, hello

yeah I’ll say you did. didn’t seem to bother you much at the time, though

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Dabi Is A Noumu intensifies even further. anyways though would you fucking look at this boy lounging on this moth-eaten couch doing his best DRAW ME LIKE YOUR FRENCH GIRLS impression wtf

Dabi what if you actually had killed him??? what would you feel?? satisfaction?? regret?? anything at all?? tell me your secrets goddammit

who are you talking to buddy

Fuyumi-chan, Natsu-kun (is it common for brothers to address each other as -kun?? can’t recall seeing that in many other anime, but hey), and “dot dot dot,,,,,, SHOUTO” lol thank you so much for this bountiful heaping of Tododrama Horikoshi we are blessed

AH, WHAT DID I SAY THE OTHER DAY

ULTIMATE MELODRAMATIC THEATER CHILD. “I’M JUST GOING TO LIE ON THIS COUCH SHIRTLESS AND ALONE AND MAKE SPEECHES TO MY FAMILY MEMBERS WHO AREN’T THERE AND SAY THINGS LIKE ‘WATCH ME IN THE PITS OF HELL’ WITH A STRAIGHT FACE BECAUSE NO ONE’S THERE TO JUDGE ME.” WELL JOKE’S ON YOU MISTER CHATTERBOX BECAUSE I AM IN FACT JUDGING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU LOL

(ETA: and on a more serious note, it’s interesting to see that “look at me”/”watch me” theme being used again though, because we see that same sentiment uttered repeatedly by the younger Touya in the flashback. well kid, you definitely got your wish at last. don’t know what else to say.)

OKAY HORIKOSHI HAS DECIDED THAT’S ENOUGH FUN, TIME FOR MORE FLASHBACKS

oh my sweet precious lord

just as cute as we left him. giving us a child this cute when we all know full well what’s going to happen to him is just unspeakably cruel though

HOMG

I’m fucking speechless. you broke me, congratulations. what am I even supposed to do with this

I can’t get over this. moving forward my life will be split into two distinct parts, B.P. (Before the Pout) and A.P. (After the Pout)

and meanwhile there’s ALL THIS BACKGROUND ANGST BUILDING UP, AND I CAN’T EVEN FOCUS ON IT. Touya’s arm and cheek are covered in bandages (I’m guessing this is shortly after that “ouch!” panel we got some chapters back), and Enji is deliberately avoiding training with him because he doesn’t want him to hurt himself further. I can’t fucking get over the irony that all this time everyone thought Touya had died because Enji pushed him too far in his training, and it turns out that it’s the opposite -- the tragedy ultimately happened because he didn’t want to push him. but I’m jumping ahead of myself though I guess

by the way,

remember this?? just wanted to remind you that it exists just in case you forgot

so now someone is talking and basically saying that Touya is the exact opposite of what Enji was hoping for when he decided to start playing with quirk genetics

-- okay hold up

...lol no, never mind. for a second I thought “holy shit he looks kind of familiar WHAT IF IT’S UJIKO OMG” before I remembered that Enji would have recognized him during the hospital capture mission if that was the case. so NEVER MIND, PROCEED

IMAGINE THAT, ENJI DOESN’T QUITE SEEM SATISFIED WITH THIS SUGGESTION OF QUITTING NOW

(ETA: how the fuck did this man go around saving 62 towns in a single day what even is All Might.)

[clicks tongue several times] trouble a’brewin’

MEANWHILE BABY TOUYA HAS UNFORTUNATELY INHERITED HIS DAD’S STUBBORN STREAK

KLDIHWOEIJFL:KSDJ

!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god. oh my god. what is this chapter. WHAT IS IT

so now Touya is all “YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MY MANLY DESIRE TO BURN MYSELF ALIVE” well you got her there champ

THEY’RE TOO CUTE. OH MY GOD. HIS FURIOUS LITTLE TEARS. HER CHUBBY LIL FACE. HIS STUBBY LIL FISTS. SOMEONE HELP ME

also are they just home alone lol or what. “hey Touya, you’re what, like six now?? do us a favor and look after your baby sister for a couple hours for us would you? make sure not to set yourself on fire or anything.” WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!

now it’s nighttime and Enji and Rei are arguing, presumably about his decision not to train Touya anymore

whew. okay. so, a couple of things here

1. first of all I think this conclusively shows that Enji really was trying to do the best he could for Touya. he stopped training him as soon as he realized it was hurting him, but Touya was still determined so he tried to make it work anyway, and even visited doctors to try and figure out if there was anything they could do. then, once they were absolutely sure that it wasn’t going to work, he tried multiple times to explain to Touya why they had to stop. he didn’t just abandon him out of the blue, which is really important to note. “no matter how much I tried telling him...”

so yeah, that debunks another common fandom accusation. so by the time he finally makes this decision, which we all know is going to turn out horribly, it’s basically because he’s already tried everything else he could think of. which, by the way, still doesn’t mean he handled this right. but at the very least he was taking Touya’s feelings into account and he was trying, and he didn’t just abruptly toss his son aside (at least not yet)

2. buuuut, then there’s this panel right below all that

which is the other side of it. if he’d just quit like the doctor person advised him to, that would have been the end of it. Touya would still have been upset, but he would have eventually gotten over it and the family would have moved on and possibly even been happy. but what happens next happens because Enji can’t let go. he still has this maddening urge to surpass All Might, and so he and Rei keep having more children, and then Shouto is born, and Enji finally has a kid he can start projecting all of his hysterical ambitions onto once again, and everything starts spiraling out of control soon after

though p.s. none of that is Shouto’s fault though!! he’s one of the few good things to come out of this whole mess and I’m very happy that he exists. the tragedy is that his dad fucking lost his mind over his quirk and fucked everything up. but that’s on him, not Touya or Shouto

anyways, SLKFJLSHGLKJL

I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE THIS YOU GUYS??? LOOK AT THAT LIL BUTTON OF A NOSE??? I’M LOSING IT HERE???

AND TOUYA JUST SEEMS DEVASTATED OMG

because children aren’t stupid, after all. he understands that his dad is still looking to surpass All Might. and so he feels like a failure, and feels like his dad is trying to replace him because he wasn’t good enough. and even now, isn’t that what the adult Touya is trying to prove?? that he was good enough after all?? “I’ll show you what happens when you give up on me, dad”?? “I’ll show you what I can do”?? fuck my life fuck everything

AND YOU CAN SEE THE TOLL THAT IT’S ALL TAKING ON REI GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AS WELL OH GOD

really nice touch here with the panel outlines becoming all shimmery from the heat of Endeavor’s flames (and/or becoming more unstable as the family gets closer and closer to their breaking point). but man, Horikoshi I can’t handle this, please show us more cute kids or something I can’t

GKELKWFJLDKSHFLKL

WITTLE BABE. BEEB. BUBS. SMOL. lkj; oh ouch a piece of my heart just detached and latched onto him huh look at that

TODOROKI “I’M SO SMALL AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON AND I DIDN’T ASK TO BE HERE” SHOUTO AHHHHH

crazy how they all just seem to know right off the bat lol. kid doesn’t even have object permanence yet, let alone a quirk. but do they care?? IT’S THE HAIR, RIGHT. WE’RE ALL THINKING IT, I’M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND SAY IT. they knew the minute they looked at him lol

AND MEANWHILE TOUYA IS OFF HAVING UNSUPERVISED TRAINING/CRYING SESSIONS IN THE MOUNTAINS OR WHATEVER, AND, UH OH

are those blue flames yet?? they seem pretty close

(ETA: this is one of the few cases where the manga being in black and white is infuriating lol.)

OH MY GOD AND STILL

so it’s not like he was so disinterested that he didn’t notice what was happening, and he was still trying to stop it and get through to him. trying to reassure him that it wasn’t the end of the world and there were other things he could do with his life, but this one particular thing just wasn’t going to happen

fucking hell. it’s agonizing seeing how close they actually were to fixing it. if he’d only said the right words, or if he’d realized at this point how destructive his obsession could be to his kids, and backed off from putting that same pressure on Shouto. we came so close to possibly having a happy ending

AND ALSO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT PLEASE LOOK AT HOW TOUYA IS LIKE THREE AND A HALF FEET TALL AND HIS DAD IS LIKE NINE AND A HALF FEET. Touya barely comes past his knees flkjlkg. the Todoroki household must have been so filled with like plastic stepstools to reach the bathroom sink and all the little baby toothbrushes, and baby gates to keep the kiddos out of the important grown-up rooms and stuff. and also days-old half-empty cups of water and stale crackers and hot wheels and my little ponies strewn everywhere

“BUT EVERYONE AT SCHOOL SAYS THEY’RE GONNA BE HEROES” a wild Deku parallel appears?? how bout that

I know this is like a pivotal moment in the Todo Tragedy and all, but fucking look at this lil dumpling

“sup bro, it’s me, the manifestation of your fears of inadequacy and lack of fatherly affections. a GAAA. ba-baAA-baa [gurgling baby sounds]”

OHHHHH IT’S THE SOUND OF MY HEART BREAKING OH NO

HE WANTS TO BE LIKE YOU ENJI. good lord somebody please just get this family some therapy

“DAD YOU IGNITED IT IN ME” flkjslkj nope, nope. not ready for this pain here

baby Shouto, would you like to weigh in on this affair? “DA!! ba-ga-daaa, [pacifier chewing noises]” oh my, you don’t say. so insightful for one so young

OH MY GODDDDDD

IT’S SO DRAMATIC BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT ARE THE SHOUNEN WOOSH LINES SURROUNDING FOUR-MONTH-OLD SHOUTO LOL HE WAS LIKE THIS FROM BIRTH OH MY GOD I AM DYING HELP

SHOUTO YOU’RE RUINING THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER!?!?!

“yo, the fuck kind of family was I fucking born into” oh, son. if you only knew. IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!

(ETA: lmao I got so distracted by the ridiculous cuteness that I glossed over the fact that Baby Touya seems to possibly be aiming at him?? it’s hard to tell because he’s also super out of it from heatstroke and may just be losing control in his attempt to show off his upgrade.)

ANYWAY THAT’S THE END EXCEPT WHAT’S THIS LAST LINE OMG

ffffff. and we’re in for ANOTHER chapter of this next week?? MORE drama?? MORE BABIES?? MORE OF EIGHT-YEAR-OLD TOUYA’S SLOW DESCENT INTO MADNESS. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT, BUT ALSO YES PLEASE SIGN ME UP

[yesokaythatsfine69]

Heavy Dosage (Levi Ackerman x reader)

Description: after getting hurt during a scouting mission, y/n is given quite a heavy dosage of medication. Will her secret crush on her squad leader remain secret?

Character(s): Y/n, Hangi, Levi, nurse, eren

Pov: 3rd person

Warning(s): pain, broken bones, kissing, no spoilers

A/n: hello! I took a little break earlier and recently I've been watching two new animes, AOT and Kakegurui (both r completely different lmao) so I decided to add more fuel to the fire that is the Levi Ackerman x reader tag. Don't worry there aren't any spoilers I just wrote a cute thing.

*none of the gifts used are mine. Full credit goes to the maker.

"Shit!" That was the last thing y/n had said before she disappeared from the view of her fellow squad members. Levi watched, fear causing him to freeze. One moment she had been calling him a "old slow poke", her smile dazzling and eyes brighter than diamonds- and in an instant she was gone.

--------------------------------------------------

Pain had seared through y/n's skull when she finally landed from being thrown. The titan had grabbed a line of her odm gear and flung her, snapping the line and causing her to fall straight down and into a tree. Her body had tumbled through the branches, each branch snapping with the weight of her body and the force she had been thrown from.

Y/n was usually proud to say that Titan's couldn't touch her- she was fast, faster than almost any person in her squad- and that usually meant that she was untouchable to them. She was the one who helped the other members of her squad survive. Today, however, had been different and not even her speed had saved her.

The pain in her skull forced her eyes open. The area in which she laid was dead silent, but she didn't feel scared or worried. It was peaceful and almost poetic. She focused on her breathing, and tried to register where she had been hurt. Her head hurt, her back hurt, and her legs seethed, but she could at least feel pain.

She tried to move but only whimpered when the pain in her legs intensified. Her eyes watered. She couldn't get up and what she thought had been luck that she experienced from not dying from her tremendous fall- had suddenly become a curse. Now, she would be easily found by a titan and just as easily eaten.

"you've...got to...be fucking kidding...me." she wheezed between hot tears. Suddenly a zipping noise broke the silence around her and a small thumping sound caused her tense up. "Y/L/N!" Her eyes widened at the sound of her squad leader's voice. Then, Two arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her up. Captain Levi was above her, on his knees before her- not in the ways she had always dreamed about either.

"What did you do, Brat?" His silver orbs narrowed as he searched her face. Any other time being this close to Levi would've been similar to Heaven, but now, it carried a strange and dangerous weight. "Captain Levi, I-" His expression cut her off. His face was blank, eyes were narrowed, mouth drawn up in a thin line. He was angry, she could sense his emotions beyond what he showed with his face. That had been the reason they worked so well together- y/n could read him like a book.

He seemed to notice she had been crying, and wiped away a stray tear. "I-I'm sorry, Captain Levi I-" He said nothing and hoisted her up in his arms, pressing her head against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat- constant and comforting in her ear. For several moments they trampled in the woods in silence.

Finally he spoke. "I'll get you to the wagons and you'll be okay, y/n, try to be still." His voice seemed tired and his movements were oddly weary. Y/n frowned as she looked up at him.

Somehow she felt like he had said these words not for her benefit, but for his own. He hardly ever used her first name, preferring "brat" and "y/l/n" to order her around with. Now, as his grip on her tightened, she buried her face against his chest, deciding it was best to leave her thoughts unsaid.

As she snuggled against him, he relaxed, his shoulders releasing the tension they carried since he saw that bitch titan thrown her out of his sight. Levi had been angry- but not angry at Y/n. Angry at himself for not protecting her, angry at those fucking Titan's for taking away the people he loved from him. He felt y/n adjust slightly and that's when he realized she had fallen alseep. Her breathing evened out, and she seemed limp against him.

When he reached the clearing Petra ran up to him. "Y/n! Is she okay?" Levi said nothing, and Petra watched in worry as he pushed past her.

--------------------------------------------------

Sometimes lines get blurry. The separation between two distinct things gets combined and those two things once so distinctly different are now seemingly the same. Y/n stared straight ahead, boards on the walls combining and shape shifting. They had given her medicine for her pain, that fact was that her leg had been broken, along with a fractured skull and a few other twisted and mangled bones, so anything was deemed worthy to give her.

The medicine, whatever it was could definitely be considered "that good stuff". She giggled, watching as the nurse adjusted her covers. "You're trying to tickle me!" "Y/n?" Y/n's head slowly bobbed to the side, where Hanji was standing. Her arms were crossed, but a smile shown on her face.

"You look better than I was expecting." Y/n smiled widely. "It's the drugs!" Hanji mimicked her smile. Y/n, was for the most part a lively a fun person. She wasn't anywhere near as loud of bouncy as Hanji herself was- mainly because y/n had a better sense of timing. Now however, Hanji noted that her personality seemed to come on quite strongly.

"I just came to check on you, considering what I heard had happened you are very lucky." Y/n only giggled. "lucky-smucky. Luck had nothing to do with it. It's a skill to hit every single goddamn tree branch in the world and still be kicking." To empathize her point she kicked out the leg that wasn't broken.

"woah, maybe you shouldn't move too much." Hanji put her hands up. "It's okay I don't feel anything!" Y/n lifted her hand up and smacked herself right upside the head. "No pain!" Hanji smiled, "Right, I'll be sure to tell Levi how well you are doing."

Y/n shot up at her captains name. "You should tell him to come see me! It's been too long since I've seen that hot piece of ass!" Hanji frowned. "I- um... I don't think that's for the best...you seem pretty uh... preoccupied." Y/n opened her mouth to most likely say something else unexpected when the nurse reappeared, nodding to Hanji.

"I better be leaving y/n, I'm glad you are doing well. I'll see you later, yeah?' y/n nodded excitedly and Hanji let herself out.

She laughed, nodding her head. "Hot piece of ass...Levi Ackerman?" She snorted. Then, quite quickly the pieces for together and she stopped. "Oh no. Oh no. I should...wait a second, this could be quite an interesting experiment..." She smiled and turned in the direction of the lunchroom.

-------------------------------------------------

"She is doing very well. So well infact she told me not to send you, she doesn't want you to worry. She'll be out before long." Hanji spoke gently to Levi who stared at his tea, his face expressionless. "What do you mean she doesn't want me to visit her? I'm her squad leader." Hanji shrugged and smiled.

"She's doing very well. You'd be wasting your time. She'll be back before you know it." Levi's eyes flashed to his friend, narrowing. The rage he had experienced when he had found her broken body...the way her teary y/c/e looked up at him... He could've exploded with rage. but he needed to stay with y/n, and that's what he had done, making sure she was safe...And now he was being told to stay away from her? His fists clenched.

Hanji seemed to see the conflict. "Why don't you try and take of yourself now? You've done enough for her." Levi only stood up, the sound of his chair scraping against the floor caused those in the lunchroom to look up at him. Leaving his tea, Levi, in his own Levi way, stormed out of the room. Hanji sat there, stirring her tea.

She raised it to her lips and smiled.

--------------------------------------------------

Levi's feet practically moved on their own to the infirmary, each step more angry than the last. In angry flashbacks he felt her head pressed against his chest, her warm breathe tickling his neck, her warm orbs searching his own icy pair- he felt all of that and more...and yet she didn't want to see him?

Had those affectionate moments just been something he wished had happened instead that had actually happened. No. It couldn't have been. But the why would she try to shut him out?

He pushed open the door to the infirmary. He stood in the shadowy doorway for several seconds doing what he did best- watching.

Y/n had spent four consecutive hours counting each board- one by one. Every time she got to twenty though, she got distracted and had to start over. "Twenty-one!" "Y/l/n?" Slowly y/n's left hand, which she had used to count the board, lowered to her side. "Damnit! Lost count! At least I got to twenty one this time." Her head slowly turned to the side where her sexy captain stood, peering down at her. He looked absolutely peeved and y/n giggled.

"Well hello beautiful? Long time no see!" Levi's eyes widened the tiniest bit- but he quickly played it off. "You didn't want me here? Your own captain? Unless you forgot-" Y/n purred. "Damn you're sexy when you're mad! I don't have a clue what you're talking about but-" she shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first time!" She reached up and tugged him closer.

"I- y/n-" a finger placed itself over his lips. "Shhhhh..." The finger lifted then hit him again. "Shhhhh...shhhh." y/n stared up at him with a dazed, but delighted expression. She gently stroked his face, reaching up and flicking her hair from his eyes. She smiled at his slightly dazed expression.

"how'sithangingbabey?" Levi blinked out of his daze and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand back from his mouth. "What is wrong with you?" His eyes were fairly wide and his stared at her in both worry and confusion. "I'm in love baby!" She shouted. "In love with youuuuuu!" She sang out flailing her arm and hitting him in the head.

"tch! Ow! Will you-" He paused, his brow furrowed. "You...love me?" She giggled and pressed a finger to her lips. "Shhh. Don't tell Levi." He stared at her. "I am Levi, you brat." Her eyes widened. "Whoops!" She laughed. "My bad!" Levi opened his mouth to speak when the nurse appeared. She gasped upon seeing him. "Captain Levi! I didn't know you were coming!" Y/n lifted her head up to look at the young nurse.

"hey, layoff! This Raven haired beauty's taken!" She yanked him forward. The action caught him off guard and he had to catch himself before he fell. Levi grumbled before detaching himself from her. "I'll speak to you later, y/n."

"You're leaving!?" Gently he ruffled her hair, and in the most soothing voice he could muster, he said, "I'll be back later, don't worry brat." Levi Nodded to the nurse to walk him out. As the nurse turned to follow him she glanced at y/n who mouthed aggressively "he's mine!"

At the door he turned to the nurse, "y/n was in large amounts of pain, so we gave her some medicine to dull it. It seems to have a worked a little..." The two turned back to y/n who had restarted counting the boards again. "Too well."

"tch, right." The end of lips upturned into almost a smile. "Keep me updated." The nurse nodded, "Right, sir."

Casting one last glance he left the infirmary, humming a new tune softly to himself.

--------------------------------------------------

Y/n sighed happily. She had finally been released, given a brace for her leg to help her walk till she was 100% and around fifteen get well cards. Her first move was definitely to go to her room. She missed her room.

She visited with Petra and the other members of her squad, making sure to show off her cool ass brace. She also made sure to say hi to Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Jean. She hadn't seen Captain Levi yet but she figured she'd find him soon- or he'd find her. The nurse mentioned that he'd visited a few times, none of which she remembered- but the thought that he cared enough to do so warmed her up.

Y/n entered the lunchroom, coming face to face with her captain and his fellow squad leader, Hanji. "Oh hi Hanji! Hello, Captain!" Hanji immediately jumped up and hugged her tightly. "Y/n! Congratulations!" Y/n smiled brightly, and hugged her back. "Thank you! I'm feeling pretty good!" Her eyes turned to Levi, who had been watching her intently. He nodded. "The squad has been waiting for your return, y/l/n." Y/n smiled. "Well, you guys won't have to wait much longer. The nurse said just a little while longer then I'm ready to go."

Levi nodded, his expression remaining stern. "I am pretty excited to finally get some sleep in my own bed though, so I'll see you all later." She turned, but a hand wrapped itself around her wrist. Levi had stood up, and was behind her. "I'll walk you there." Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed, but she nodded. "The more...the, uh, merrier."

With curt goodbyes the two began their walk to y/n's room. Hanji had watched the interaction without surprise, sipping some tea.

She laughed to herself as the two went out of view, pushing up her glasses. "This experiment- a definitive success."

-------------------------------------------------

"How do you feel?" Levi matched his pace with y/n, careful to make sure he wasn't moving too fast so that she wouldn't have to walk faster on her leg. "I feel good, itching to go back out there." The two stopped walking and turned so that they were right in front of each other instead of side by side.

Levi only made a clucking sound at her response. "Be sure not to push it, brat. You may be feeling fine now but-" He stopped talking when she put a hand on his chest. He frowned slightly and looked up at her from where his gaze had been.

"Thank you, for everything. I- I'm sorry I wasn't more careful. Next time I'll-" He placed his hand over her own. "Tch, there better not be a next time you stupid brat. If there is I do not I think I could handle it."

Her cheeks darkened. "Captain-" "Just Levi." She smiled at him. "Okay, just Levi." The slight upturn smile Levi had worn vanished at her bad joke into a frown. Lifting up his index finger he placed it directly over her lips.

"shhh..." She tried to speak. "shhhh." Y/n raised a brow at him. "I have lost enough in this life, y/n." Her eyes widened at the use of her first name, and his finger remained on her lips. "But, I cannot lose you, too...please." Her eyes glistened a, a familiar wetness clouding them. Slowly, Levi lowered his finger, and soon as he do so she pounced, pulling him into the tightest hug she could administer.

"You couldn't get get rid of me even if you wanted to." He hugged her back. "Good, because I do not want to." She pulled back. It was now or never, and this maybe the only chance she has left. Braving up, y/n swallowed thickly. "Hey...erm, uh Levi...I-I love you, okay?"

Levi smirked, his eyes twinkling with something close to mischievousness. "I know...you, kind of...told me already." Y/n pulled back. "No I didn't." "Tch, you did, y/n." She rolled her eyes. "I think I would remember telling someone I love them."

Levi frowned. "Are you calling me a liar?" Y/n laughed sharply. "Well, I'm not calling you a truther." She turned and began to walk away. "Even if I did, you could at least say it back you jerk!"

With reflexes faster than a blink of an eye, Levi had pulled her back and into his arms. She stared at him, wide eyed. They were mere inches apart now. Never had she been this close to him, and she could clearly see every inch of his face. The silver twinkle of his eyes, his long lashes, the pretty pink of his thin lips. He was so beautiful, like a statue of a god. Y/n blinked, realizing she had been staring a bit longer than innocent and met his gaze.

Levi only raised a brow, seemingly unaffected by their closeness. "I love you too, brat." He said finally, and Y/n relaxed into his arms, much like before. "Good, good. It makes doing this a lot easier." She placed her hand to his cheek, closed her eyes and then she closed the gap.

He sighed into her, clutching her tighter to him. It seemed as if he had been waiting almost as long as y/n had because it was if the flood gates had opened. She dipped her head to get to more of him and he grunted softly, easily letting her. She reached up, finding his soft undercut. She ran her finger threw his soft locks (just as soft as she imagined) and gently tugged. Levi opened his mouth a bit more in response, and she quickly took advantage of his action. Her tongue slipped in, and despite himself and who he was- he gasped.

Maybe this was all a bit quick but hell, she'd been around the man for going on a year now with nothing but this to show. It was quite upsetting, especially because it seemed as if Levi had no idea his effect on women, especially y/n. You can bet on your life, however, she was going to take advantage of it now and teach him exactly what he meant.

He grunted again and pulled his arm to her neck, clutching it softly. She hummed into his mouth, biting his lip and pulling. She loved him, everything about him, and almost as much as that- she wanted him. Now, in almost every way she could've imagined, she had him.

She was so wrapped up in him, y/n put her unbraced leg around his waist, trying to get somehow even closer than before but unfortunately she neglected to remember that her braced leg couldn't handle that much pressure yet and it collapsed under their weight. It sent both her and her lover crashing to the ground.

"oof!" "Tch! Hell!" Levi landed on top of her with a thud. The two shared a look. Levi had messy unkept hair, flushed cheeks and red, abused lips- all thanks to y/n. But she doubted she looked much better. "Are you okay, brat?" "Yeah, sorry. Looks like you made my legs weak." She smiled crookedly.

Levi only sighed and lifted her up. "Tch', Keeping you alive will be much harder than I expected." Y/n laughed and wrapped her arms around him, she was beginning to enjoy him carrying her around bridal style. "What can I say? I wasn't built for the weak."

"No," He hoisted her closer to his chest. "No, you are not."

They resumed their journey to her room. "But at least you are mine, brat."

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A/n: whoo! That was a lot more than I expected to do. I hope y'all like it and don't forget that comments and critism are always welcomed. I tried to make this to where it doesn't really involve any timeline and it's just kind of an extra thing. Thanks for reading!

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[frostedfaves]

Delicate

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Summary: Rosa works a murder case to prove your innocence, inspired by this

Warnings: mentions of murder, infidelity, poorly written casework

A/N: I have only one wish: feedback on this bit of chaos here.

-

At this point in Rosa’s life, there were only three things that brought her memorable pain.

The first was being sent to juvie after snapping under the weight of her parents' expectations.

The second was being released from juvie and realizing the two people who’d played a part in her downfall no longer gave a shit about what happened to her.

The third was seeing you, sitting beside Boyle’s desk in handcuffs.

Of course, she didn’t let anyone see this as she attempted to make her way to her own desk undetected, but you wouldn’t--couldn’t--let her think you were a criminal.

“Rosa--”

“Detective Diaz,” she growled as she walked past with her head held high, surprising herself by restraining from hurting you when you grabbed a fistful of her jacket. “Let me go--”

“I was framed!” you cried out with tears filling your eyes as you raised them to meet hers. “Please. I know you don’t have to believe me, but I’m begging you. I’m the same person you’ve spoken to all these nights. I’ll tell you everything, just...please.”

Her stance was rigid as her mind focused on your fearful expression and the desperate way you clung to her, as if you knew the moment you let go, everything you’d had the last few months was over. Realizing everyone’s eyes were on the two of you as you stared each other down, she roughly pulled herself away to walk over to her desk and deposit her bag and helmet. Your hands dropped into your lap in defeat, only to rise again when Rosa pulled you to your feet by the piece of metal holding your wrists together and led you into an interrogation room.

“Talk,” she ordered once the door was closed and you were seated at the table.

“Early this morning, they found the body of one of the supervisors at my job. Apparently he was killed last night and one of my coworkers pointed the blame toward me, saying that I wanted his position and tried to force him to retire early.”

“You were with me last night. I mean, unless you killed the guy after our call.” She met your widened eyes and sighed. “Sorry.”

“I just don’t know what to do. I know it probably looks bad because I actually am up for a promotion, I had a meeting about it a few days ago. But I’d never kill anyone! I swear I wouldn’t, and I really hope that--”

“I believe you.” She slipped into the chair across from you and squeezed your hands briefly before pulling away again. “And not just because I want to believe that I’m not falling for some power-hungry murderer, but because I trust you not to lie to me.”

A soft smile formed on your lips but a knock sounded at the door before you could respond. You watched her stand and approach the door again to open it, growing nervous again when you saw one of the detectives that arrested you. 

“Holt’s out today, so Sarge is running the briefing and he needs you there too. It’s about this case.”

“Fine.” She faced you again with her hand still holding the door open. “I’ll be back. Just breathe.”

Rosa followed Charles out of the room and down to the briefing room, cutting off any questions he began to ask with a sharp “no”. They were the last to arrive, everyone else seated and looking at Terry standing in front of a board holding some of the case details.

“I’m putting myself on this case,” she announced before anyone else could speak as she approached the board to read over everything.

“Don’t you think you’re too close to this, Rosa?” Charles questioned carefully, yelping at the expression she offered him in response. “I meant to say ‘welcome to the team’!”

“Boyle’s right, Diaz,” Terry spoke up next as she turned away from the board. “What was that in the bullpen?”

“Innocent until proven guilty.” She walked over to sit on one of the tables in front. “Go on.”

“Alright.” He looked down at the notes he’d obtained before entering the room. “So according to the medical examiner, the time of death is set around 9:17pm last night--”

“Y/N didn’t do it,” Rosa quickly interjected. “A camera in the lobby of her building will verify her entering a few minutes before then, and she doesn’t leave after that.”

“Rosa, I know you don’t want your friend to get in trouble, but this--”

“I was with her.” She took a deep breath to prepare herself for not only spilling the secret of her unconfirmed relationship, but to essentially come out as bisexual for the first time ever. “We were in the park together with our dogs and I walked her home after. I know it was 9:15 when we got there because the huge clock in her lobby said 10:15, and it’s been an hour ahead since Daylight Savings Time. I was at her door for a few minutes and when I was leaving, the clock said 10:20.”

“So how do you know she didn’t leave after that?” Jake questioned, causing her to sigh again.

“Because I’m a few blocks away from her and she Facetimed me when I sent her a text telling her I was home. She fell asleep on the phone.”

“Oh damn. You’re in love, girl,” Gina commented, a grin forming when all Rosa did was roll her eyes in response. 

“Okay so she has an alibi, but we also have to rule out the possibility that she had an accomplice.” Terry sighed when Rosa gave him a threatening look. “Look, I want to believe she’s innocent too--”

“Then believe it.”

“--but we have to consider everything, Diaz. It looks pretty suspicious that the last person to see our victim alive also had a reason to want him gone.”

“How do you know she was the last to see him alive?” Rosa took the piece of paper Amy held out to her holding a witness statement, forcing herself not to overreact when she read that Y/N had been spotted talking to her supervisor next to his car. “This means nothing. Check into the person that gave this statement.”

“Rosa--”

“How do we even know she was the last person he saw? And that the person who ‘witnessed’ this didn’t just follow the vic home and kill him just to frame her? What, because of some camera footage and he said, she said?” Barely a moment of silence passed before Rosa spoke again. “Exactly. Santiago and Boyle, meet me downstairs. I’m driving.”

She dropped the witness statement on the table in front of Amy and stormed out, grabbing the keys to her squad car on her way back to the interrogation room you were waiting in. Your eyes snapped up from your hands when the door opened, relaxing slightly as Rosa entered the room.

“I’m going to be out for a bit trying to investigate more of the people involved, but you’ll be okay here.” She hesitated for a moment before approaching your side and leaning down to kiss you for the second time in 12 hours. “I love you.”

She was back out the door as quickly as she arrived.

-

Waiting to find out if you’d be charged with a murder you didn’t commit was hard. Being transitioned from the quiet calm of the interrogation room to the holding cell adjoining the chaotic bullpen was hard too, but at least your hands weren’t chained together anymore. You sat in the farthest corner and counted the minutes until they seemed to all blend together, and all you could focus on was the lingering feeling of warmth caused by Rosa’s lips on yours and her confession.

Having given up on your counting long ago, you weren’t sure how much time had passed when the door to the holding cell opened again. You were delighted to see Rosa again, but your hopeful expression shifted to confusion when you saw who she was leading in.

“Mrs. Fenderson?”

“Hi, Y/N.” 

The woman spoke softly without meeting your eyes, moving to sit on a nearby bench when Rosa unlocked her cuffs. You eyed her curiously as Rosa gently grabbed your wrist and led you out of the cell, making sure it locked before bringing you over to her desk.

“Um, why is my supervisor’s wife--”

“She did it,” she told you as the two of you sat down. “Well, she had some help.”

You followed the direction she nodded in with your eyes, which widened when you saw a couple officers leading in the one person that accused you of being involved with everything. You watched as they led him to the holding cell too, only turning away when Rosa placed her hand over one of yours.

“How did you…? What?!” you asked, unable to fight off a bit of a smile when Rosa snorted. 

“Mrs. Fenderson recently signed up her husband for a pretty hefty life insurance policy, and it didn’t take long to find out those two were boning. I got her to confess to everything while they tracked down her lover, who used the fact that you were up for the same promotion he wanted as a chance to frame you.”

“That’s so fucking crazy,” you responded in a breathless tone as you attempted to wrap your head around the situation for a second, giving up and bringing your free hand to rest on top of hers. “Thank you.”

“Innocent until proven guilty.” She shrugged nonchalantly as she stood, pulling you to your feet as well before you released her hand. “Anyway, it’s super late now and I know you haven’t eaten anything so let’s go.”

“Fine, but I’m paying,” you insisted as the two of you headed toward the elevator, laughing a bit as you remembered something. “As long as we can stop by my apartment first. They don’t exactly let you bring your phone and wallet when you’re arrested for murder.”

“You can pay next time,” she told you with a snort, quickly adding “if I let you.”

The elevator ride passed along silently, and it wasn’t long before you were headed down the street to a 24 hour diner that you’d mentioned to Rosa last night. You waited until you were seated and food was ordered before starting a conversation.

“About what you said earlier,” you began with your gaze locked on the straw wrapper you were toying with, completely missing Rosa’s panicked expression.

“Look, we can just forget I said anything.”

“No!” You lowered your voice after noticing a few wary glances, turning back to Rosa and pulling her hands into yours. “I don’t want to forget it, but I was hoping to say it first.”

“You love me too?”

“I do.” You squeezed her fingers with a grin. “I love you, Rosa, and I love Arlo for giving me an excuse to keep seeing his mom, because I sure as hell would’ve been too nervous to come up with one on my own.”

Expecting Rosa to be too uncomfortable with PDA, you pulled her hands closer to drop a kiss on her knuckles, pleasantly surprised when she pulled away to hold your jaw in place, leaning forward to press her lips to yours.

-

Tags: @gaulty74 @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @xetherealbeautyx @milkfromhell 

[amor-immortalem]

I Could Care Less (About You)

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

A/N: I wanted to write something around the time when Arella first got to the devildom. We all know Mammon didn't like the MC very much. It's my own thoughts that he was especially mean in those first few weeks up until they made the pact and I kind of wanted to explore that in terms of his and Arella's relationship.

It all started with small acts of kindness. Taking the fall for him when items would go missing so he wouldn’t get strung up from the ceiling, saving a plate for him when he was late for dinner, letting him copy her homework when he didn’t finish his in time. Mammon can’t understand it. He and this human hardly know anything about each other but here she is, doing little things that would make his life just a little bit easier. Hell, he’d even stolen multiple objects of value from Arella and yet she never ratted him out to his brother despite knowing damn well who did it. She just let it slide.

If he’s being honest, it scares him. Did she like him that much or could she possibly want from something from him? Mammon was sure she was gearing up to ask for a favor from him. He decided whatever it was he wouldn’t do it. He may have had the task of looking after this human forced upon him by Lucifer but he wasn’t about to sit back and comply with it.

The demon made sure to let the human know what an inconvenience she was to him almost every day- most typically whenever he had to cancel his own plans to escort her around town. She took it like a champ though, never seeming to let it bother her. She was so kind it was almost annoying. Maybe it really didn’t bother her. That must be the only reason she’s pestering him now. He did have to give her credit for her persistence though.

“Come on, Mammon! Lucifer left me in charge of the grocery shopping and I can’t go out alone or I’ll get eaten.” Arella said as she trailed after the Avatar of Greed. Having only been here in the Devildom for only a handful of weeks, she was still actually afraid that a lower demon might make a snack out of her.

“Ask one of my brothers ta take ya. I got plans and you’re not ruinin’ ‘em this time.”

Had any of the other brothers been home, Arella gladly would have asked one of them, but they weren’t- not even Mr. Shut-In himself! It was just her and her insensitive guardian demon.

“They’re not home, you know that.”

“I don’t give a shit, human! You got a phone. Just text ‘em. Now scram! I got a poker game ta get to and you’re holdin’ me up.”

“B-but-”

“Diavolo almighty,” Mammon groans as he turns to her, “I guess ya didn’t hear me clear enough the first time so I’ll say it again nice’ an’ slow for ya so try to keep up, ‘kay? I do not care about you. I hate the fact that I have to babysit ya. You could get eaten and I couldn’t care less. Infact, my life would be considerably easier if ya weren’t around. Got it?”

“O-Okay,” Arella squeaked under the intensity of the white-haired demon’s gaze. “Understandable, have a good night then.... hope you win a lot.”

“Whatever,” Mammon huffs with a roll of the eyes. “I don’t need your well wishes.” With that, Mammon turns and heads out the door.

As she watched him go, Arella bit her lip to hold back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Once she was sure the demon was gone, the human sank down to floor, quiet sobs shaking her small frame. All she wanted was just an hour or two out of his time and he wouldn’t even give her that. She had never felt so resented before in all her 21 years of life- not even when her mother was alive had it ever been this bad. Now, as she wiped at her eyes, it really set in that she was left with no other option but to do this alone- gods forbid she ask one of the others for help and then it somehow get back to Lucifer that Mammon wasn’t doing his job. She would never hear the end of it from the greedy demon.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The trip to and from the store had gone smooth enough. No demons had really bothered to pay her any mind, not even when she slipped off one of the higher shelves and smacked her head on the shopping cart resulting in the ugly bruise that had formed on the outer edge of her right eye. Bruises were something Arella was used to covering up, so it would be a simple enough task. She only had a little way left to go before she made it back to the House of Lamentation, but nothing can ever be easy for Arella.

Standing at the gates, blocking her path, was a small pack of demons. She had seen them eyeing her up in the halls at RAD during the passing periods. As they turned to her, Arella panicked- her heart rate skyrocketing as her body screamed at her to run. She wanted to but her feet wouldn’t move. It wasn’t until her brain processed that they were moving did her body actually turn to run. By then it was too late, they were upon her in seconds, knocking her to the ground with a tackle as she struggled and let out a scream.”

“Lookit you,” the one she presumed to be the leader smiled as he brushed some of the hair away from her face. “You sure do look tasty. I wonder where we should start first with you... dark or light meat?” He took a hold of her wrist, pulling it toward his mouth. He was about to bite down when...

“Hey! The fuck do the five of ya think you’re doing?!” The Avatar of Greed snarls as he watches the scene unfold in front of him. He had been in a good night after having won nearly all the games he’d played tonight before decided to call it quits- now it was soured. “Ya know what? I’m feelin’ generous tonight, so I’ll give y’all five seconds to get off that stupid human before I gut ya and string ya up by your entrails.”

He only needed until the count of one and a change into his demon form before the pack of demons made the right choice and booked it. The Avatar of Greed let out an irritated sigh as he walked over to Arella and hoisted her up by the arm.

“You’re fucking lucky, ya know that, girly? If I didn’t come home when I did, you’d be dead right now. How are you that damn stupid, huh?”

“’m sorry, I-,” Her voice was small and a little bit slurred as she tried to get her footing.

“I don’t wanna hear any excuses, right now. Just get inside the house go lay down or somethin’- whatever it is that you humans do ta calm down.” He gave her a bit of a rough shove and she scrambled for the doors while he gathered up the bags she had dropped and brought them inside the house.

Arella made a beeline for her room and curled up under the covers. Her headache from the fall earlier was even worse and now her arm was hurting from the strength of Mammon’s grip when he pulled her up from the ground.

“I want to go home....” she sniffled quietly into her pillow. “I should have never done this.”

The human thought she’d find a place for herself on this exchange programme but now she thinks this was all a big mistake. She had no idea what exactly she was signing up for only that something in the back of her mind yelling at her to do so. These last few weeks had done nothing but to serve her late mother’s words as true: that she was trash and so deserved to be treated as such.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Out in the kitchen, Mammon is unloading and putting away the groceries that weren’t crushed or broken after the incident outside when he came across a bag filled exclusively with cup noodles. There had to have been at least twenty of them that she had managed to cram into the bag- all in his favorite flavor no less. A look of surprise crossed his face. He had only mentioned this in passing to her once before and he wondered how she managed to get her hands on them as this specific flavor was kept on the top shelf of that section. Not something that would be a problem for someone as tall as himself but for her? She was 4’11”! She would have had to scale the shelfs just to have even the smallest chance of reaching them.

Setting the package of cup noodles he was holding down, Mammon looked to Arella’s door before looking back to the noodles. Again, those questions rang in his head. Just what was her deal? He thinks, she’s always doin’ all these favors for me and never asks for anything in return from me. Well, no I can’t say that... She did ask one thing of me and that was ta go grocery shoppin’ with her because she was afraid ta go alone- for me ta do the one job Lucifer assigned me and I essentially told her ta fuck off. The demon thinks back to their earlier exchange- how he could see the fear in her eyes and the tears that were starting to form right before he left. Great.... Now I feel guilty... I should probably go apologize and see if I can get her to stay quiet ‘bout this whole thing...

Knocking on the door- something the demon hardly ever did- Mammon waited for a response. When he didn’t get one, he just let himself in. “Arella I-!” He stopped as there was there was a noticeable flinch from under the covers.

“I’m sorry!” She squeaked out, “Don’t hurt me.”

He raised an eyebrow at her response. Did she really think he was going to hurt her somehow? Well, all things considered, the demon can’t say he’s really all that surprised. He grabs the ends of the duvet and yanks it off of her, watching as Arella curls up and raises her arms to shield her head as if readying herself for blows that would never come.

Mammon knows that response all too intimately from the times where Lucifer would beat the ever-loving fuck out of him for indulging in his sin.

“Hey, calm down, okay. I ain’t gonna lay a hand on ya like that. Not only would Lucifer have my head, but I ain’t about beatin’ up on girls anyway.” He kneels down at the side of her bed and is horrified to see an ugly bruise marring the skin beside her eye. She does eventually calm down and pulls her arms away from her head after a few minutes of nothing happening. “Atta girl, now look at me,”

When Arella does open her pupils are dilated and now the demon is a little concerned. Humans’ pupils aren’t supposed to be that dilated, are they? That would mean... Mammon fishes his D.D.D. out of his pocket and shines the flashlight right in her eyes.

“What the fuck, Mammon!” Arella recoils as she hides her face once more and Mammon turns the flashlight off. “You’re such an ass!”

“I knew it.” He tsks, “When did you hit your head? Was it when those idiots tackled you to the ground or did you fall off one of the selves at the store?”

“I didn’t hit my head!” The human retorts, “I’m fine, my head just hurts.”

“Ya got a concussion, ya dumb human! Now out with it. Ya very obviously fell and I wanna know when it happened and how high you fell from!” For someone who couldn’t care less about her, he’s surprisingly concerned right now. If she slipped off one of the shelves at the store, he would be in hot water with Lucifer.

“I said I’m fine!” Arella abruptly stood up, swaying as she did, glaring daggers at the white-haired demon who looked up at her with a look of shock. Where did his docile little human go? “And what do you care anyway!? You said it yourself: You hate me and I’m just an inconvenience to you!”

“Now hold on a tick, I never said that exactly. You’re puttin’ words in my mouth. And you’re gonna fall standin’ on the bed like that. You’re already wobblin’.” he may not have said the part about hating her outright but at the very least he heavily implied it.

“Just get out of my ro-” She let out a yelp as she went toppling forward and the demon rushed to catch her. She landed slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“See I told ya you were gonna fall.” He huffed as he readjusted her while she pounded her fists against his back, struggling against his hold on her as he headed back out to the kitchen.

“Mammon, you put me down this instant! I’m not a sack of flour!”

“Stop being a brat and let me help ya!” The Avatar of Greed says as he places her on the island counter top. “Now stay there while I get you some ice for that bruise and some medicine for that headache of yours.”

Arella just sits there in shock of what he said. He wanted to... help her? That was new. She’s drawn out of her thoughts a few minutes later when she feels of bag of ice being pressed against the bruise. She let out a hiss as she tries to move away from it but it’s then that she notices his hand holding the other side of her face so she can’t move all that much.

“Quit squirming, will ya. It’s just a bag of ice.” He looks into her eyes before shifting the bag of ice over and running his thumb over the outside of her eye socket. “Doesn’t feel like anything’s busted in there. Ya got off lucky, kid... here take these.” he has a pill in his hand

“I’m not a kid,” Arella puffs her cheeks out in a pout. “Why’re you doing this when you said earlier that you didn’t care about me...?” she takes the medicine with a swig of water.

“Don’t get it twisted. I’m only doing this because if Lucifer finds out that you went to the store without me, I’ll be hanging from my toes for the next of the week. I’d rather not have a concussion of my own from getting dropped on my head when he decides I learned my lesson.”

“I won’t tell him if you don’t...” she says softly, “You don’t have to be nice to me. I know I don’t deserve it...”

“Huh?”

“N-nothing.”

“Now hold on there,” The demon says as he moves the bag back to where it was before, “You’re not gonna speed past that and act like ya didn’t just say what ya just said.”

“It’s nothing really,” Arella eyes dart around looking everywhere but Mammon’s. “Let’s just change the subject.”

“Alright, you can answer my earlier question then. How did you fall?”

“I slipped while climbing down from one of the shelving units at the store.... and smacked my head on the shopping cart.”

“No offense, but you’re kinda dumb. You were tryin’ ta get those noodles down, weren’t ya? You could have just grabbed whatever was at eye level or in your reach. You would have been an easy meal for a demon if you had passed out.”

“I know,” She sighed. “But that flavor is your favorite and I got everybody else’s favorites. It wouldn’t have been fair to not get yours.”

“It ain’t worth a concussion, short stack.” Once he’s sure she won’t move away, he lowers his hand from the side that isn’t icing the bruise and places it over hers. “Thanks though. And... I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I didn’t think you’d actually go out and try to get yourself eaten because I said I wouldn’t care.”

“I mean, that wasn’t my goal,” She sighed. “But I guess that’s the mess I got myself into huh?”

“Ya wouldn’t have if I would have done my job and gone with ya...” He scoots her over and then hops up on the island counter next to her. “I don’t get you, ya know...”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re too nice to me. I’ve been a jackass ta ya but you never seem to let it bother ya. You’re always coverin’ for me when I steal things from the house ta sell and you never said anything after I stole that necklace and other things from you. You save my plate at dinner when I don’t make it right away and you’ve lied right ta Lucifer’s face on multiple accounts for me... why? Why do you do these things?”

“I just wanted you to be nice to me. I know I just kind of got forced on you...  I thought maybe if I extended the olive branch first, we could be at least somewhat civil with each other... but no matter what I did, it didn’t change the way you treated me so I just kept pushing harder and harder to see if maybe...”

“I get what you’re sayin’...” he hummed. “Let’s start over then... I’ll look out for ya for the rest of the year if you’ll forgive me... It would be ta both of our benefit.”

She nodded as he hopped down from the counter. “Alright, let’s go then.”

“Go? Go where?”

“Back ta the store, some of the stuff ya bought got damaged when those demons attacked ya.”

“Oh... Alright... This isn’t some kind of trick, is it? You’re not going to ditch me, are you?”

“Nah, I won’t. And if anybody wants to eat ya, they’ll have to go through me, first. Got it?” he says as holds his hand out to her. She hesitantly took it and he tugged her along after him as they headed out. She hopes that maybe they could even become friends at some point. That maybe- just maybe- this is a turning point for them.

Find more writings on my masterlist

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Is it wrong to lie to children?

A personal essay on reconciling with a shitty childhood and the question: is it wrong to lie to children?

It’s perplexing to have a shitty “unorthodox” childhood because initially I tried to throw out everything about It. Toss out the plumping and the rafters and the roofing, dispense of every single part of my upbringing I could get my hands on and not look back. Naturally, this approach didn’t work. It wasn’t even a real possibility. You’re still haunted by it, a ghost in the bones of a house, a foundation that remains long after the builders have left. That’s part of recovery too, to look at that ghost, to look at those bones, and keep saying: I see you, I see. I let you in. You sit with it and accept, accept, accept.

The really terrible part of this, the part where I don’t throw away the baby with the bathwater, is that you then have to raise the thing, deal with it. You have to do the hard work of parsing through the endless bits of self and placing them in “keep” piles and “discard” piles. I want to keep my mother’s kindness. I want to keep my father’s sense of humor. I want to discard the isolation. I want to discard the delusions.

But then there are these weird . . . “I don’t know” things. The things I am unsure if they helped me or hurt me. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more and more of those “I don’t know” categories piling up. I’ve worked my way through most of the more obvious ones and now it’s all grey and mushy and as cloudy as a London winter. Recently, more than anything, I’ve been grappling with the fact my mother believed it was wrong to lie to children. She believed, in her flower-child way, that it was unethical in all forms.

I never believed in Santa Claus. I’m sorry to say I was a pretty obnoxious kid too because I would preach on the playground about how there was no Santa and there had never been any Santa. Which was a bit harsh, but in my defense I was under the impression these people were suffering from some sort of collective mass delusion. They were being lied to. And lying was wrong.

Is it wrong to lie to children?

I’ve known about sex since I was around 5 years old. I don’t remember why I asked, but it was something about where babies come from and so on. Most parents talk about a stork or love or some other abstract side-step. My mother described the anatomy to me and showed me a scientific diagram of the process. She told me that a sperm meets an egg and fertilizes it so the baby can grow. I learned most of this in scientific terms and was surprised when none of my middle school friends knew how a penis worked.

Is it wrong to lie to children?

When I was 9 or so our cat was eaten by a coyote. I asked my mom where he went and she said that he accidently got out the night before. She said they looked for him all morning, but it was too late. She didn’t use the word “gone” or “passed on” or “he’s in a better place now.”

She said he was dead. I said oh. She asked if I wanted to see him. I said yes. For the record, I am not actually sure if 9 year-olds should see corpses. That is neither here nor there. It was something that stuck with me though, the body of my cat with his tummy ripped out. I had never seen intestines before. His eyes were open.

But there was something cathartic about digging the grave. About helping pick up his little stiff body by the feet and placing him inside. There was something about piling on the red dirt as the sun set and letting the tears fall.

People on sitcoms hate talking about death. It’s understandable, it’s not funny, it makes for good dramatic irony when the kid asks “Where’s Socks?” and the parents go “Uuuuuh. He ran away.” I’ve never felt more alienated at those points. My cat died. He was eaten. I saw his body, and I buried it. Sometimes I think I wouldn’t want to be told he ran away-- that he had a choice in whether or not he left me.

Is it wrong to lie to children?

For a long time I thought the entirety of my childhood was wrong and bad, because I was miserable and broken at the end of it. I will assure you, my parents fucked up time and time again. But sometimes I have to stop and keep asking: Was this the wrong part? Was this the part where they fucked up? Was any part of this valuable? It’s a hard process to comb through an entire life and decide which bits are worth keeping, and if there are any silver linings.

So here is one: I am an honest person. I am a crooked person too, unsure of where to place my feet in social situations, picking my way through others normalcy. I do not readily share information, I am not forthcoming, and it’s a slow burn for me to open up about anything.

However, I notice time and time again that strangers will share personal things with me. I don’t mean for it to happen, but there’s just this pattern in my life. I once went on a car ride with a girl I barely know from my debate team. She described how she wanted to lose her virginity, she wanted it, but was scared God would be angry. That she’d be dirty afterwards. I told her that that was impossible, sex was just an act, it had no eyes, it had no priestly robes, or bearing on her soul. She cried. She said she hadn’t told me anyone this before.

I had a friend in high school who was struggling with an eating disorder, people had tried to get her to talk about it before, but I was the first person she admitted it to. In the hallway, sitting, just discussing nothing, and out it comes: I’m scared to eat sometimes. I was on a city bus and an old woman struck up a conversation with me. Over an hour or so, and she ended up telling me her fears for her own daughter going away to college. Her fear of growing old and passing on. Her problems with sleeping as she lay awake and dreaded it.

People have told me about their problems with substance abuse, their struggles with sexuality, and childhood trauma. People spill to me and I sit there thinking: Why? Sometimes I think it’s my gender or just how people are, but it always feels like I’m missing some part of the picture. Why do people open up to me, unprompted, all at once? Why me?

Is it wrong to lie to children?

Recently, I was reading a memoir set in 2001 where two young kids ask the narrator, their mother, about 9/11. They asked what happened to the people on television who were jumping off the building. Where did they go? The mother says this: They were caught. There are people-catchers that flew and saved them. Everyone is okay.

This story was meant to be heartfelt and lyrical, relatable. It ended like this: It is the job of mothers to offer gentle lies.

I had to stop reading because I was suddenly lost in a white-hot rage, unexpected, knee-jerk. How could she do that? I found myself frothing. They trusted her with answers and she lied. How could she? I knew it was irrational. It was silly even. This was a sweet story. It was meant to be heart-warming and framed in a way that suggested this is what all mothers do. This was what they needed to do. 

I felt my own mother, pumping through my veins, furious that these elementary school students were being betrayed. I stopped myself of course, I knew it wasn’t reasonable. I wasn’t raised “correctly.” I had no legs to stand on.

But still, is it alright to lie to children?

I am once again faced with that unending dilemma: how to throw-out those parts of myself that don’t work and keep the ones that do. It’s difficult to say, because in some ways I agree with my mom. How can I not? But death is cruel. Sex is weird. Santa Claus is a beautiful lie.

And what’s wrong with lying? I still don’t know. What’s wrong with letting them never hurt? Never knowing the pain or gross parts of the world? What’s the harm in letting them make-believe?

But sometimes I think about all those people who have cried to me. All these unprompted confessions come with an unspoken plea: I hurt. I am afraid. I am so scared. It’s all so heavy, these painful truths.

And some part of me stands there, the part my mother raised and says: there is nothing in this life that is too shameful. There is nothing in this world that is unnatural. There is nothing in this life to lie about, even to children.

Is death too painful? Is sex too gross? Would you tell an adult that a man lives in the North Pole and watches them?

I asked my mom, years later, when I was less furious and able to talk with her again without screaming, about why she believed all this. She had told me about it since I was very young, but I never asked why. She shrugged. She said: children are people, aren’t they?

I still don’t know what to do with this.

Children are people, but they are not adults. They shouldn’t be exposed to “adult” things, right? But is that line so concrete? Is the word “adult” just a mask for the greater word, the one we really mean? We all agree: honesty is good. Lying hurts. But it’s alright to lie to kids, because in many ways they aren’t people yet, they aren’t people yet, they don’t count.

I am admittedly an argumentative person. I was on the debate team, mock trial, United Nations, I studied political science in college and fought with every single one of my professors I thought was wrong. And I stood in that playground, age 6, and told every single one of my classmates Santa wasn’t real and I wouldn’t stop. The truth was important. And my mother, no matter what, thought I disserved it.

I often felt tiny and powerless as a kid. Terrified and holding myself together by shoestrings. I often felt there would be nothing better in the world than to be grown up. Not for the money or the dating or the job, I just wanted to feel like the hurricane would end. That one day I could stand on solid ground again. My friend often says: I wish I could be a kid again, ya know? No responsibilities. Just bliss. I want to be a kid again.

I can’t relate. I never have. I’ve been busy weeding through the pipes and lighting and the carpentry of my upbringing and asking myself: is any of this worth keeping? Is any part of me built correctly? There are no right answers.

But still, I am haunted. I sit and ask myself in circles: is it alright to lie to children?

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[thesunshinebunny]

When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part I)

Series Master list

Pairing: Canon Eren Jaeger x reader

Content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)

Summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?

Chapter Summary: After watching their teammates die in battle, reader begins to question their sanity and of their so-called partner.

AN: let me say goodbye to my favorite girl, who got me the best laughs and relieved my anxiety while reading manga chapters. At the same time, let me succumb to the misery and enlarge the wound with an canon Eren. I won’t be against following this fic if I see that a lot of people like it, but my list of fandoms isn’t going to change, this will be a unique exception.

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The chill in the air from the airship rushed through my veins. Less than two hours ago, I had seen countless comrades die, each one of them struck by bullets in different parts of their bodys or eaten by a Titan. I had seen countless lives fall and had been unable to save any. I knew we were going on a suicide mission, but deep down inside of me, I hoped we would all come home alive.

I was very naïve to think of a happy ending in this rotten and violent world.

Inside the room I was in, my mind wandered looking through one of the few windows this war machine gave us. I wasn't paying attention to what Levi or Eren were saying, I didn't even have the slightest intention of asking why Zeke was with us. Although being a member of the Survey Corps and a direct and in training medic, I was not fully informed of the missions. Eren’s courtesy.

Bored and mentally tired, I left the room where my leaders were having a heated discussion with "humanity's last hope." I didn't have the strength to add more charcoal to the fire, but trust me when I tell you I wasn’t at all happy with Eren's plan, simply and exclusively because I was completely unaware.

I walked down the hall making a mental note to kick the brunette in the face like Levi did when we got back. If my so-called partner, who had the decency to slowly push me away over the last year without explanation, wasn’t confident enough to tell me whatever was going on in his mind, then we would be in front of the doors of a serious conversation back home.

I opened the door where the scouts were when I heard a rifle go off. My eyes went wide and fear washed over me. I instantly scanned my body for wounds, completely ignoring the situation happening in front of me. Finding no sign of impact, I looked up only to find Sasha falling on her back, with a bullet impact on her chest.

The world seemed to have frozen as did my body. No one was able to move. Blood was spreading around Sasha's body, staining the floor, and that's when I reacted. My body moved on its own, pulling the cloak off my shoulders and folding it to make a small pillow. My ears didn’t catch any screams or cries from my teammates, as if I was underwater and the only thing I could hear was my heartbeat accelerating, threatening to come out of my ears.

"I need a syringe with anesthesia, a pair of tweezers, a needle, a lighter, bandages and hot water, NOW !!"

No one was moving, everyone was in shock, including me, but I was layered enough to know that if we didn't do something, Sasha wasn't going to survive.

"Jean, Connie, I need surgical elementes! NOW!!"

The two boys came out of it, running around the room, even going to the continuous, looking for something that might serve, while I tore Sasha's shirt and took her equipment. Mikasa was next to me grabbing the pieces that were in the way.

"Mikasa, I need you to put pressure on the wound and don’t move your hands"

Connie came running back with the anesthesia in hand, trying to give it to me, but me failing. The syringe fell to the floor, but thanks to whatever deity was watching us it didn't break. My hands were shaking with adrenaline, making it impossible for me to inject the needle into the glass vial.

“Sasha… I need you to stay awake, ok? I need you to keep your eyes open at all time"

The dying girl in front of me didn't give me an answer, but I knew she heard me. In the background, I could hear the desperate cries of the others, apart from the fact that someone had hit the culprit in the face. I injected the anesthesia and proceeded to remove the bullet from the lung. Mikasa reapplied pressure with wet cloths.

"Sasha everything will be fine, I assure you, everything will be fine, so don't you dare die on me, okay?"

I couldn't tell who I was addressing those words to, the girl who gave us the best laughs in our training days, or me.

Lighter in hand I proceeded to cauterize the wound, but my eyes fell on Sasha's, noticing how the life had left her eyes. The light that was so bright in her pupils had faded, leaving nothing more than an empty countenance.

"Sasha?...Sasha? hey, this isn’t funny, Sasha wake up…Sasha?? SASHA?!!?!" ...

"SASHA!!!"

Again.

Again I’d been unable to do anything.

Again I’d to see how I was unable to save someone.

Again.

I had seen a mate die. Again.

My chest contracted, the air was impossible to get in or out and my lungs cried out to explode. My stomach wanted to regurgitate, but there was nothing in it, causing me to spasm. My vocal cords were damaged from screaming and my head was about to collapse.

My whole body was about to collapse.

"How dare you!? You son of a bitch, how dare you to shoot the person who forgave your life?"

My anger was now directed at the child they had wanted to bring with us. It was impossible for me to look at her without having the desire to break her face, to make her suffer ... to kill her. To take revenge for Sasha.

“SHE FORGAVE YOUR LIFE BY NOT GIVING YOU A SHOT IN THE HEAD AND IS THAT HOW YOU PAY HER? YOU HATE US SO MUCH? HOW MANY MORE LIVES DO YOU WANT TO TAKE FOR US TO BE SATISFIED?"

My legs got up, leading me towards the girl, but arms held me from behind, preventing me from continue walking, preventing me from taking revenge.

"HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU? YOU ARE THE REAL DEVILS"

In the end, my body collapsed, completely loosening and causing me to almost slide down Connie's arms. I fell to my knees when he released me, snuggling up and hiding my head in my arms. Tears flowed like waterfalls with no intention of stopping and my screams reverberated across the metal in the room.

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Connie opened the door where our commanders were still arguing. Both with tears in our eyes gave the worst news of the night.

"Sasha died"

Jean and Hange's faces were disfigured and Levi hid his grim outline from us. The room was silent, but all that could be heard were my sobs, spasm after spasm.

"She had a ... a bullet impact ... in ... in the chest ..."

It was difficult, almost impossible, for me to relate the precarious medical report of our friend's death, trying to help me with the movement of my hands ... but even so the spasms won me over. I fell back to the floor, tears invaded my face once more and my ability to articulate words was gone down the drain.

Hange approached with a slow step and placed their hands on my shoulders, giving me the help I needed to give the report. I took several minutes of deep breaths and when my lungs returned to normal, I spoke again.

"Sasha had a bullet impact on the chest, on the left lung ... There was no exit, so the bullet was stuck in there...it pierced two ribs, tearing the skin of the lung and causing internal bleeding... I managd to remove the bullet, but I didn't have time to cauterize and sew the wound ... she bled to death"

Every pause I took to breathe made it so much worse for me to speak back. If it weren't for the fact I was undoubtedly taking deep breaths, I would have passed out from distress and hyperventilation.

"I could have saved her ... I know I could have saved her"

Silence reigned over the room, sobs from Hange and Connie could be heard if we were paying close attention. Jean and Levi glared at Eren, who had not deigned to lift his head at any time.

I got up as best I could, running Hange's hands gently, and left the room once again. I needed to be alone for a while, I needed to let go of these horrible feelings, I needed some air, otherwise I doubted I’d do anything rational in the state I was in.

My legs led me to a room away from all the common ones. It was empty, but it had a couple of windows that chilled the already cold metal walls. Some windows were at my height, allowing me to appreciate the view from the air, but let's face it, it was impossible to appreciate the landscape when your mind and heart were breaking to pieces. The only thing that kept my mind intact from any collapse was the path of smoke and fire that could be seen in the distance... signs that Marley was still on fire.

"Are you ok?"

That familiar voice, all too familiar, echoed in my ears pulling me out of my entrance. Eren had entered the room quietly with the aim of… what? See if it was okay? Because I really wasn't, it showed on my face and that's what made me even more angry than I was.

"Oh, I don't know? Am I ok? Do I FUCKING LOOK OK TO YOU?"

I turned from the window too quickly causing me to stagger and fall to the floor. My head was spinning and starting to ache as was every muscle in my body. I put my hands to my head, hoping the pain would dissipate a bit, but the only thing I managed was to sink further into misery.

"I could have saved her ... if I’d been faster ... I know I could have saved her"

He hadn't moved from where he was, he just stayed there, looking at me. My blood-soaked eyes looked him up and down searching for something, whatever, to speak of, but all I found were non-glare eyes and a neutral gaze, as if he hadn't cared how many lives this mission had claimed.

"Do you want to know how I feel? Fine, I’ll tell you"

I stood up heavily, my muscles begging for a break. I turned my head to see the black smoke rising on the horizon, still clearly noticing an orange and red flare.

“I am tired…I am full of rage and hate. I saw our comrades die and I couldn't do anything, I was unable to save them ... to save Sasha...and all because of not having been informed like everyone else"

My eyes hadn't left the window because I knew, if I looked into those dull turquoise eyes, those same eyes that once shone with all the innocence and life that a young man could have, I would end up punching him.

"Are you happy? Did you accomplished your mission now that you have the power of the warhammer titan? What will be the next step? Go back to Marley in a few months, finish what you started and devour the jaw titan and Reiner? Assassinate the cart titan?”

Again, I got no response. My patience had already reached it’s limit and I looked back at the man who was now standing in the middle of the room.

"You're not going to tell me, are you? No, you never say anything to me, it's like I'm a burden to you" I shuffled on the metal, standing right in front of him "I'm with so much anger in my veins that I want to kill a child, a child Eren! ... A child who had her head washed all her life, a child who doesn’t know the whole truth and who only knows that by killing she can be free"

Unconsciously, my body moved everywhere, as if it wanted to release all the pressure by tiring the muscles. I stood back in front of the window and with all the accumulated anger I gave it a strong blow, slightly scratching the glass and probably breaking some knuckles.

"Sasha died because of my incompetence and the violence of this world...I want to save lives Eren, that's why I'm practicing medicine...I want to dedicate myself to saving souls, not killing them...and we have the culprit stuck in one of our rooms...why?" ...

“WHY DO WE HAVE TWO CHILDS ON OUR AIRPLANE? WHY IS YOUR BROTHER WITH US? WHY DON'T YOU LET ME KNOW WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD?"

I was sure that my screams could be heard by our entire war machine. I was impatient for answers, but knew I wasn't going to get any, at least not now. My hands didn’t remain calm, they moved everywhere, a sign of my anxiety and my eyes turned around the entire room, looking at each screw, each metal beam... everything except the eyes of my supposed lover.

I was giving up, now I just wanted to rest and have a trip home in peace, even knowing that home was not going to sound the same or feel the same.

"If you have nothing to say Eren, you better leave"

I turned my back on him but didn't proceed to walk away from him. I needed to find an anchor point so as not to give up and throw myself into the arms that one day gave me warmth, the arms that wrapped me in the dark, the arms that reflected their love and affection ... into the arms that now wouldn't hold me from the waist or draw me to his chest. I wasn't going to throw me into some arms that weren't going to contain me.

I heard him take a few small steps towards me and his hand rested lightly on my shoulder. I put it aside abruptly and I distanced myself towards the remote window, seeing how little by little the smoke was getting smaller and I could no longer see the orange flame clearly; now I could only see a thin yellow line fading.

"Leave Eren"

His footsteps rumbled on the metal floor, leaving me alone once and for all.

The trip back was going to be a long one and, to be honest, I wasn't sure if there was anything for me in our home. Nothing was going to be the same anymore. Without Sasha, without Eren and with a war on our feet I doubted to even call “home” a piece of wet land in the middle of an ocean which is still the target of a world full of hate.

[bitch-im-your-biggest-nightmare]

Happily Ever After [Corpse x Reader]

Warnings: Angst, neglect, argument Summary:  corpse and the Reader get into an argument cause he’s been neglecting her for awhile. He overworks himself and when he has days off he’s always with his friends and so she tells him about it, he says some hurtful things to her during the argument. The reader takes his words to heart and she begins to distance herself from him and she stops doing the little things that he loved about her. Whenever he tries to hang out she always rejects him or she’s hanging out with her friends. He then talks to her about it, he wants to know what caused her change of heart. When he finds out it was really his fault, he tries to fix it. Request: @xxasteriaxx​ A/N: This is gonna be a sad one with maybe a happy ending- who knows? My stories are coming out slower now and I am sorry about that! Now that it's Friday, I will try my best to get more stories out during the weekend. Online school has pretty stressful and my sleep schedule has been whack. Tag list: Tag list:  @save-the-sky @alilshit @whatifwedo @hughugh20 @fleurmoon @bi-andready-tocry @itsminniekat @yoongi-holland @loraleiix @hacker-ghost @fanworrior @marvelous-musicals @annshit @unknown-and-invisible @letsloveimagines @babyhoneystvles 

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Y/N didn’t know what went wrong in the relationship. Was it her? Why was she being.. neglected by Corpse? Did she do something wrong? Corpse was always overworking himself with editing his videos, recording, and streaming. And when he has time off, he doesn’t care to spend to time with Y/N. He’s always with his friends in a discord call, playing Among Us, or doing anything else with them. She started to think.. Did he not love her anymore? 

Y/N whipped up Corpse a grilled cheese sandwich. She knew she should cook- it was her hobby and her talent. She also knew that Corpse loved when she made this. She came to the conclusion that he was just stressed and maybe needed some love and food. So she went out of her way to make this meal amazing. It was crispy and looked aesthetically pleasing and delicious. She was very proud of it and was excited to show Corpse. 

She picked the plate up and walked over to Corpses office. She slowly opened the door, wincing at the loud creaking sound. Corpse seemed to be playing Among Us with his friends but wasn’t streaming. She walked over and set the plate down then wrapped her arms around him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Corpse moved his head away a little and squirmed, “Thanks Y/N” Corpse said, focusing on his screen. 

“Can we cuddle after you’re done playing?” Y/N asked. It’s been a while since they have, the bed began to feel oddly cold without Corpses arms around her. She missed it very much, she really wanted to have a nice warm cuddle session with him. 

“Mhm.” Corpse replied dismissively, which made Y/N frown. She give him another kiss and muttered ‘I love you’. She didn’t leave, instead she closed the office door and sat down next to him on the ground. He looked at her curiously, “Aren’t you going to leave?” he asked. 

Y/N frowned, “I wanna spend time with you. I won’t bather you, I promise.” 

Corpse sighed, then got back to playing the game. After a little bit, he finally decided to eat the sandwich. It made Y/N happy to see him eat, she knows he hasn’t eaten in a while. She stayed in that exact spot the whole time he played. When he got off, she stood up and was excited to cuddle with him. She has been waiting for this moment her entire life. She went to hug him and he stood up but- he just.. pushed past her. Y/N frowned, following him out of the office. “Cospsie!” Y/N said, “Aren’t we gonna cuddle?” 

“Oh.. don’t have time. I’m going out for a little bit.” Corpse said, putting his sneakers on and looking for his hoodie. But it wasn’t where he last had it, did he misplace it? lose it? And then he knew, he looked at his girlfriend to see him wearing the hoodie he was looking for. “Can I have my hoodie back?” he asked.

“But it’s comfy!” Y/N smiled, snuggling into it. She loved wearing Corpses clothes- especially his hoodies. And the hoodie she was wearing was her favorite. The deep smell of cologne soothed her to sleep and the warmth was amazing. She thought Corpse loved when she wore his clothes, they were always oversized on her and that's what he loved- but she guessed she was wrong.

“I don’t care can I please have it back?” Corpse asked, beginning to get a little frustrated. 

Y/N was a little caught off guard, but she took the warm hoodie off and handed it to Corpse, muttering a small ‘sorry’ as she handed it to him. She watched him put it on and just leave without saying a word. Y/N was let down, she was really looking forward to cuddling with him.. guess she’ll have to wait. Y/N went to the couch and laid down, grabbing a big that laid across the top to snuggle up in. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep either, she didn’t even realize how tired she was.  

After a couple of hours, when the sun wa setting over skyline and slipping beneath tall standing skyscrapers, Corpse returned home. He was exhausted, he went out to the park and the mall to get a whole lot of things. He dropped the bags on on the island of the kitchen, and walked out into the living room. He saw Y/N cuddled up and frowned. He loved her very much, but she's been getting in the way of his work lately and has been being very clingy. Corpse went over and gave her a kiss on the temple before walking back to their room to sleep. 

~Timeskip~

After a couple of days Y/N began to feel frustrated at how she was being neglected. She missed the warm hugs and kisses she got from Corpse, she getting tired of giving morning kisses with reply. She started believe that love lies, she felt her mind saying Corpse was in love with someone else. That would explain why he liked to go out a lot now. But no, you know from his friends snaps and tweets that hes just with his friends- right? Maybe he fell in love with Sykkuno or Dave or something.. Y/N wouldn’t be surprised. 

She looked through Corpses phone and computer, finding nothing but work, recordings, discords, games, and all that other stuff so he couldn’t be cheating. Y/N decided to ask Corpse why he was neglecting her. Neglect was what she feared... She was already in a abuse relationship where she was neglected and cheated on. Corpse was the only guy that told her ‘I love you’ and really meant it. It was a while until Y/N was confident enough to even begin a serious relationship which every guy she tried pushed EXCEPT Corpse. She was not ready to lose the prize she won with Corpse, she was not going to lose him because he’s too selfish and dumb to put just a few seconds of his time to her. 

She missed the kisses... She missed him.Y/N walked into the living room to see Corpse sitting on the couch. He was texting with someone Twitter, she didn’t know because she couldn’t see the name. “Hey.. Corpse?” 

Corpse looked up, “Yeah?” he said. 

“Uhm... why have you been.. y’know, neglecting me lately? It’s been a while and I really want to spend time with you.” Y/N said, walking over to sit next to him on the couch. 

Corpse sighed, “Can I not have some time alone? You’re being clingy.” 

Y/N frowned, clingy. “Of course you can have time alone! I just wanna spend time with you. Is that a bad thing?” 

“Well, you’re always on my case!” Corpse raised his voice, catching Y/N off guard. “You’re always asking for attention and pushing yourself into my personal space! You always say ‘I love you’ every single fucking minute, I get it! Ok?! Just stop being so fucking demanding!” 

Y/N moved back a little, she was surprised by being screamed at by Corpse- it never happened. She was hurt. Was Corpse right about all of those things? Was she an attention seeker? Was her ‘I love you’s too much? Was she demanding? She sniffed, standing up and walking away to go to their bedroom. 

“Don’t be so dramatic Y/N!” Corpse yelled to her. He had angry built up in his system. He had so much work and so much to do, he couldn’t have Y/N bothering her. And he wanted to have a good social life- he needed friends. Couldn’t Y/N see that?!

----------------

Just like what Corpse wanted, Y/N didn’t bother him anymore. The morning kisses and snuggles were gone. She stopped planting kisses on his cheek and his lips in the morning, night, and throughout the day. She stopped wearing his clothes and hoodies, leaving all the warmth for coziness to Corpse. And she also stopped saying I love you, which she missed so much. She missed all of it, but it was what Corpse wanted and that was all that mattered.

But she also realized that Corpse began to want her attention- but she needed to give him space. He wanted space, that's what he said- so she was going to give it to him! She wasn’t going to bother him during streams, only to give him food and/or a drink. Y/N hung out with her friends more often, giving Corpse as much space as he can possibly can have. 

Corpse just got done streaming and was looking for Y/N. His fans were going crazy on uncomfortable questions today. Apparently they have realized the lack of the Y/N and the lack of Corpse talking about how great she was- they thought something happened like they broke up or she died or something. Corpse was too bothered by Y/N neglecting him to focus on what he was doing, so he ended early. He searched the house but couldn’t find Y/N, so he called her. 

“Y/N? Where are you?” Corpse asked once she picked up after three rings. 

“I’m with Kariya, Eris, and Morgan right now.” Y/N replied, “Aren’t you supposed to be streaming?” 

“Mhm but I ended it early. When are you gonna get home?” Corpse asked. He internally sighed, wishing Y/N was here to spend time with him. He was worried- not that she was gone but because she hasn’t been wearing his clothes. None of his hoodies or shirts were gone. And he knew for a fact that she loved wearing his rose hoodie and his flanel out in public. 

“Dunno. Probably an hour.” Y/N said, “I gotta go now, Kariya just got her nails done.” 

“Oh.. ok bye. Lo-” He was cut off by the call ending. He frowned, was she ignoring him? Why? Did he do something wrong? Did she not love him anymore? He knew he was stressed but he’s not anymore. He decided to scroll through reddit and find some unsettling stories he could maybe read for his channel. He checked his email and saw many good stories that were worth reading for his channel. But soon, he got bored and sat back in his chair and let his mind wander off into the forest of his mind. He hoped for his mind to play in sunlit grass and smell the heather growing but no.. they just ended up wandering down into the undergrowth and crevasses, breathing in the cold musty scent of dirt and moss. He just thought of Y/N.. did he mess up the only relationship he was able to carry? He felt like a river going down into a raging waterfall. There was a stream of sadness that touched his skin like an icicle against his neck. He needed to see what was wrong with Y/N, he needed to know what he did wrong. 

The minutes felt like hours and the hours felt like years. It was dark- very dark when Y/N returned home. When Y/N got home, Corpse perked up at the sound of the front door opening and the familiar pattern of Y/Ns footsteps. Corpse stood up and left his office, greeting Y/N by pulling her into a hug. “I missed you.” 

“Mhm” Y/N hummed, hugging him for a second before walking to their bedroom. Corpse frowned, following her in. He watched as she took her sneakers off- but looked away as she changed her clothes. He sat on the bed ans sat down next to him. 

“Y/N?” Corpse said, watching her face “Why have you been.. like... ignoring me?” Y/N looked at him, but said nothing. “You stopped giving me kisses, stopped wearing my clothes, and most importantly you stopped saying I love you. Whats going on?” 

Y/N looked puzzled, looking at Corpse like he was delusional. “Isn’t this what you wanted?” then she got under the blankets and faced her back on Corpse, turning the lamp on her bedside table off. 

Corpse frowned yet again, his face twisting into confusion. “What? What do you mean?” he asked, but got no answer, “Y/N? What do you mean?” He asked again to no prevail. “Y/N?” He asked, but this time waited a couple seconds. Then he sighed and gave up, getting under the covers and closing his eyes. Lets just say... he couldn’t sleep that night.

-----------------

Another day, another day with no cuddles, kisses, or cuteness. Corpse was getting tired, sad, and frustrated. That sentence never left his mind, “Isn’t this what you wanted?” What did she mean? What did Corpse do?

While Y/N was out Corpse decided to turn to his friends for help. Maybe they knew how to deal with it, they were always so nice and helpful. He hit Sykkuno up, saying 

Corpse: Hey I need relationship advice... 

Sykkuno answered rather quickly, making Corpse feel kinda special. 

Sykkuno: Oh no what did you do?

Corpse: That's the thing idk 

Sykkuno: Is Y/N acting strangely? 

Corpse: Yeah shes been ignoring me 

Corpse: Do you think she doesn’t love anymore?

Sykkuno: Y/N? Not loving Corpse? never heard of it. 

Sykkuno: You probably said something that bothered her tbh 

Corpse stared at his screen, then it hit him. All the shit he’s said to her... It all came back to him like an avalanche. 

“Well, you’re always on my case!” Corpse raised his voice, catching Y/N off guard. “You’re always asking for attention and pushing yourself into my personal space! You always say ‘I love you’ every single fucking minute, I get it! Ok?! Just stop being so fucking demanding!” 

Corpse gasped, realizing all the things he said. He felt so much guilt, he did this to Y/N, this is why she hated him now. She had make things better between them, he had to fix things. But how? He didn’t even care to reply to Sykkuno as he googled ways to make a girl happy.

“Be physically and emotionally present.” 

“Send her cute and meaningful texts.”

“Give her loving gifts.” 

“Give her unexpected embraces.” 

“Sit next to her.” 

All of them were great, but didn’t help his case that much. He needed something cute and.. something Y/N will like. He sighed, sitting back in his chair and looking at his ceiling. He decided to try all of these and see which one will help. First, he texted her. Hopefully, she’ll reply.

Corpse🥀: Hey. I just wanna let you know how much I love you and cherish our time together. Every morning of mine gets brighter everytime I see you next to me. I don’t know what I would do without you here with me. <3

He watched the three dots bounce on his screen, but then disappear. He sighed in frustration. That didn’t work. Guess he needed to try plan B, give her an unexpected embrace. Yes, that should work! Right? Y/N loves when Corpse gives her embraces and hugs. It should be the key, right? He just had to wait. 

----------------

After what seemed like days, Y/N finally returned home. She was out with her friends again- just how she always is. He waited for her to settle down and relax. She changed into a cute sweater that gave her sweater paws- something Corpse adored about her. She relaxed and sighed, winding down before Corpse came up and gave her a nice warm embrace, engulfing her in his arms.

“Corpse-” Y/N gasped, moving her legs up a little, “I’m tired.” 

Corpse was not giving up just now, no siree. He picked her up and brought her to the bed. “Then we will cuddle.” He said simply, setting her softly on the bed and wrapping her in a soft crochet blanket. He then in bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling Y/N into a big hug. Y/N didn’t respond, just letting it happen. 

Y/N got a peaceful sleep throughout the night. Its the best sleep she actually got in a while- her sleep schedule has been whack. Maybe it was because the lack of giving affection to Corpse- but she wanted to keep him happy. But when Corpse wrapped his arms around her, she felt at home.

Y/N squirmed out of Corpses arms and walked to take a shower. She wanted to go out with her friends again today. They were planning to go to the mall and stop by at that new sushi place. It was going to be a fun day, it was gonna be exciting. After the shower Y/N dried herself and wrapped a towel around her. She looked in the shared closet she had with Corpse and that nice rose hoodie caught her eye. She went to reach for it, but pulled it back. She can’t wear that! Corpse doesn’t want her to. So she just went with a knitted yellowish brown sweater and dark brown pants. But then she felt the familiar the wetness in her pants. Period blood. Fuck. She quickly changed her underwear and ran to the bathroom, putting a pad on and pulling her thankfully unstained pants up. It was getting colder as Autumn neared so she put a cute scarf on and put her hair in a bun, finished her look off with brown healed boots and makeup. Then she left a note to Corpse saying 

“I'm out with my friends again. Got my period so not really in the mood for anything but i'm fighting it :)”

Then Y/N left, leaving Corpse alone to sleep peacefully.

-----------------

When Corpse woke up that morning, he was saddened by the lack of Y/N next to him. He sighed, she must’ve went out again. Corpse decided that he would try one more thing. Just one. And he hoped this idea would work. 

He drove to the park him and Y/N went to on their first date. They are both the laid back but romantic style people so this park was perfect. He already had a nice blanket with him and brought that rose hoodie that Y/N loved. There was this area cut off from the park that lead to a small opening in the woods. The opening showed a lake that had the sun setting in the distance. Corpse thought this would be the perfect place for him to apologize to Y/N. He can only hope she actually comes along.. 

He set everything up at the spit and decided to explore the area a little. It was still morning, he wanted her here at sunset. He walked around a little bit, following the trail that led a small playground. It had 2 swings, a slide, monkey bars, and a little house on the top. There were also benches and a set of rules that no one really listened to. There was a family there- it looked like a party. Grandma and grandpa, mother and father, kids, and what looked like cousins and aunts and uncles. Corpses anxiety and nervousness spiked, he looked sketchy. He had all black on with black nails and these weird silver rings on. He went and sat down on one of the benches and went on his phone, trying to direct his attention to whats going on there. He was asked to join an Among Us lobby, but he declined and said he had something planned. 

After a long time of scrolling through his phone, cloud watching, and eavesdropping on peoples conversations, a women came up to him. She looked nice and asked “Hello, would you mind if you leave? You’re upsetting the kids here.” 

Corpse sat up, he knew he would bother someone.. damnit. “Ah.. yeah yeah sorry for causing any disturbance.” he stood up and waved to the women, walking away and down the trail as casually as he can. The probably thought he was planning to kidnap one of the kids while no one was looking, but how could he? They have hidden cameras in the weirdest places here. 

Corpse headed back to the spot, heading closer to the lake, picking a stone up and throwing it into the lake, making a small ‘droop’ sound as it hit the water. He began to throw many stones into the lake, waiting for 5pm to hit so they could watch the sunset at 6pm. Hopefully. 

------------- 

5:40 came around and Corpse decided to text Y/N. He walked over the closest bench and texted her. 

Corpse🥀: Meet me at the [insert park name] right now. Im sitting on a bench near the lake area.

Y/N💕: Ok? 

Corpse sat back and waited, watching the clouds slowly drift by. He picked out pictures in the sky, one of them was a silhouette of two lovers kissing.. and the other was 2 lovers fading away. It just made him sad and uneasy, he was scared that Y/N wouldn’t wanna be with him anymore. He was scared that she would laugh at him and say that she found another guy that satisfied her so much more. He expected that that guy was big, tall, and muscular and was always up for sex and flavors, some guy who gave her everything she wanted, something he couldn’t. 

But he smiled when he saw Y/N walk down the trail. He stood up, waving to her. She noticed him and walked over to him. “Hey Corpse. You wanted to see me here?” 

“Uh yeah... follow me.” Corpse said, realizing her sounded very sketchy. he began to walk, relieved when he heard Y/Ns footsteps behind his. He led her to the spot, the sun was still up but was getting tired, just about ready to soak into the lake and let the moon guard the night. 

Y/N looked around, the scene was beautiful. Flowers bloomed from crisp green grass and the lake flowed lighty. “Wow.. its beautiful here.” She made her way over and sat down on the soft blanket. 

Corpse smiled and sat next to her, grabbing the hoodie he had and handing it to Y/N. She studied it for a second before taking it, smiling and holding it close to her chest. 

“I.. just wanna apologize for neglecting you that. I was being an asshole.. and I.. I'm sorry for being so rude. Truth is, I miss your kisses, hugs, the way you wear my clothes, and the i love yous. I just want my girlfriend back.” Corpse sighed, not daring to look at her. “If you wanna break up and go off with another guy, I understand. I wouldn’t blame you.. who wants to hang out with Corpse Husband anyways?” 

Y/N leaned forward, looking Corpse in the eyes, “Maybe Corpse Wife wants to hang out with Corpse Husband.” she smiled when Corpse looked up at her. “I’m sorry for ignoring you. I thought you would be better off without me annoying you.” 

Corpse hesitated, “I..” he dropped his head, “Stress fucking sucks, doesn’t it? So many people noticed your absence and are asking! Im just so- sorry.” 

“Don’t worry, I forgive you. I love you more than anyone in the world, Corpse. You’re my big ol’ edge king and I love you for it.” Y/N lifted his head to give him a kiss on the lips. 

It turned passionate and pleasant, it was a kiss full of love. It was like hot air blew around them, heating them up just the right ways. It was a kiss that was long overdue, a kiss that they both missed so so much.. and it was finally happening. 

When they pulled away Corpse was smiling so happily and brightly. He hugged Y/N tightly and said “I love you so much Y/N.. I just love you more than life.” 

Y/N smiled, melting into the sweet embrace. “I love you too Corpsie, I love you so much.”

Heh, talk about living happily ever after...

~The End~

[jjuzoir]

Random Kageyama Tobio HCS

Word Count: 1851

Warnings: just... me being in love with a m*n other than masumi 😔 also! these are my headcanons as in,,, what i personally i think he’d be like ‼️ also me projecting my ideal man into him (as if he wasn’t it already 😋)

A/N: i... i love tobio so much it’s literally unreal... i couldn’t wait for a request (i’m still working on the remaining 4 too lolol) so take me projecting my love for tobio >:(

— Kageyama normally wears loose fitting clothes or athletic-style clothing. His favorite go to outfits tends to be a loose tee, some loose pants with an obnoxious Nike logo he swears are super cool but look like two garbage bags sewed together, and running shoes. Throw a hoodie in there for colder weather, even then he still manages to look good.

— He takes very good care of his hair, like freaky good care, because of Miwa. Once she enrolled in cosmetology school and she saw Kageyama use the same baby shampoo from when they were kids she freaked out (if she’d been any later he’d start using 3-in-1) and chewed his ear off about hair care. His hair is super shiny and there’s literally no freeze, he uses nice smelling shampoo and conditioner too. Ugh, I love him.

— He has a very sensitive nose but it gets clogged easily so he doesn’t notice much unless it miraculously unclogs itself and he’s complaining about everything.

— “Eh! Hinata, why’d you smell like a fucking axe bottle?!” “Why does no one say anything about Tsukishima smelling like strawberries?” “Yamaguchi smells like... milk.” “Hah?! Sugawara smells bad-?!”

— He says he’s a picky eater to appear cool but as long as you don’t say what’s in the food he’ll down it. He’ll say he doesn’t like carrots but if you give him a salad with carrots he might even say “it’s the best salad he’s ever had”.

— He’s a hot sleeper, and not in the “oh he’s sexy” type of way. I’m talking, he’ll sweat buckets if he sleeps with anything other than a flimsy white t-shirt and his underwear.

— Might be me projecting my love for bunny teeth but he has bunny teeth, his front teeth are a bit bigger than average (not to the point it’s super noticeable but it’s still something Miwa teased him about), his aunties probably squeezed his cheeks and called him “baby bunny” when he was younger.

— He doesn’t go to sleep later than 9PM, he thinks if he does it’ll ruin his schedule (which it will) and fuck up his body - he’s seen Miwa screw up hers after she pulled a bunch of all nighters in her third year in high school and has been afraid since.

— The type to forget people were coming over and come out of his room shirtless asking for his clean underwear.

— His sister forced him to let her cut and style his hair which led to many questionable hairstyles. Tsukishima is genuinely so grateful to Miwa, especially when she was first starting - he’s got some pictures of Tobio with the shortest most embarrassing bangs ever saved in his phone in a file for blackmail if the need for it ever presented itself.

— Likes pissing people off on purpose sometimes, during one of the training camps he probably walked into the bath with socks on and was made fun of but out of spite he just… never took them off. Said he’d done it on purpose and all too. Tanaka cried out of fear for like a hot minute when he saw him standing under the shower with Iron Man socks on.

— He’s so petty too, if you make fun of him for messing up he’ll remember until you embarrass yourself to make fun of you. And when I say he remembers, I mean it - he can’t for his life remember when to use make and do in english but he remembers when Hinata made fun of him for wearing different socks back on their first year and yes he will bring it up on their second year when he did the same thing what are you going to do about it?

— Probably got scouted for a modeling agency once and began running away because he thought they were trying to kidnap him.

— If he had Tiktok… he would’ve gone viral after posting a video of him practicing, he posted for a while for fun and to flex on people that he was hot but then he saw a comment saying they wanted to drink his milk under a video of him drinking milk and he deleted his account, he can’t buy from that brand for a while.

— He’s got a video of a gorilla walking in two legs saved on his phone for when he’s feeling down and watches it whenever he’s not going well. People think he’s texting his S/O but no, he’s just watching a gorilla walk like minecraft Steve.

— He can’t pose for pictures to save his life, his default pose is an NPC stance with his arms stiffly hanging down and his eyes wide in surprise, don’t ask him to smile or else he will look like a serial killer.

— He’s got a bit of baby fat on his cheeks that won’t disappear no matter what. It’s become a pre-game ritual to pinch his cheeks. He’s also got dimples you can really only see when he smiles naturally but he doesn’t know and he’d get shy if he knew and try covering his face so don’t tell him, that’s a fact he told me so himself.

— Cannot dance to save his life. He’s so long (?) his limb control is non-existent, it appears in game and vanishes when he steps out of the court. He really just bounces on his heels and moves his arms like a t-rex, don’t ask more of him.

— Buys his clothes one size bigger just in case and Miwa teases him saying he’ll need them when he gets old and fat.

— Gets asked out often but always rejects, then has the audacity to complain he’s never dated anyone like he hasn’t turned down half of the school's population.

— Can’t sing. He’s got a nice speaking voice but ask him to sing and he’s out of tone, out of sync, out of breath, and out of the room in 5 seconds.

— Sugawara joked about having him singing as his alarm clock and Kageyama actually believed him, probably sent him a new recording as a gift after he annoyed him during practice.

— Surprisingly funny when he wants to but most jokes fly over people’s heads since he seems so serious most of the time, it annoys him to no end. Yachi still struggles differentiating when he is and isn’t joking because his tone literally doesn’t change at all and she doesn’t want to offend him.

— When he was younger he liked to collect rocks, not even the pretty ones he’d pick the most average, raggedy rocks off the ground and clean them up and tuck them to bed because he saw Miwa play with her barbies like that. Still owns his first rock, he named it “Johnson” after Dwayne Johnson, aka the rock (he’s had to explain it so many times he’s exhausted).

— Accidentally drank expired milk once and didn’t notice until his stomach began hurting and he thought he became lactose intolerant and he was inconsolable for days until he realized it had expired like a month ago - he went on a milk shopping spree and the milk sales that week saw a 20% rise from the last few months.

— Tobio had bad handwriting until he was in Junior High because his teachers couldn’t understand him and had him practice calligraphy, his handwriting is now one of the prettiest ones in the team and he’s the official inker of the VBC posters (as designated by Goddess Yachi Hitoka herself).

— His biggest fear for a long time was getting eaten by piranhas because he saw it happen so often in cartoon shows he genuinely thought it was going to be a bigger deal than it turned out to be but for like a solid 6 years of his life he avoided suspicions puddles just in case.

— Kageyama has a habit of rolling and unrolling his sleeves when he’s deep in thought, it soon made way to a habit of checking his wrist watch (he absolutely has a wrist watch, you cannot change my mind on that) but not actually reading it.

— His nails are very pretty, like most setters, he takes very good care of them. They’re filed down to a perfect length and he puts oils and creams, his hands in general are so nice. He takes a lot of pride in them, you know his cuticles are pushed back and trimmed and he could absolutely be a hand model. Kags’ hands are calloused, he’s a volleyball player of course they are, but it’s not to the extent of Ushijima or Daichi’s hands.

— Talking about hands, it’s probably one of his favorite features on people. He loves holding hands with his S/O and tracing the wrinkles in their palm, being able to interlock fingers with them and feel the bumps in them.

— Mumbles to himself when in thought too! Very nonsensical if you’re not informed on what he’s thinking about, if he’s thinking about you he’ll mumble your name or something like “pretty eyes”.

— Has a very healthy diet, like extremely healthy and thought out. He won’t eat anything too sugary or that could throw off his body, but he does have cheat days (which are rare but exist). He also doesn’t drink much soda or alcohol (once he’s of age).

— Things like smoking are a big no, he takes so much care of his body he wouldn’t even touch a cigarette or be near a smoking area, lowkey paranoid of ingesting the smoke too.

— When he’s older I can see him having a dog and a cat, the dog would be a big dog; if they stood on two paws it’d be the same height as you, he’d name or something like Tobias and think he was super clever and funny, the cat would probably a small cat he’d name Milk (it probably would be a black cat too but he does not care).

— Probably tried baby formula because he heard it was a substitute for breast milk. No further comments on this.

— I feel like he doesn’t listen to music, but if he had to choose something he’d pick instrumental music - not orchestral music or anything like that - but more of a chill, no deep meaning just guitar and piano track. I could see him listening to Shego Sekito or Joe Hisashi on occasion, he might even listen to some 2000’s pop if he wants something to pump him up during training (he works out to Brittney Spears’ “Womanizer”).

— A cuddle-bug when he’s sleepy, he’ll throw himself across his S/O and not move at all, he just wants to stay there and not move ever again (or at least until he’s not feeling like passing out). He’ll like to wrap himself around them and cuddle their neck, he’ll attach himself to their arm like it’s a lifeline.

— In other words, Kageyama Tobio… b-boyfriend material.

[gltwrites]

the day isym said: i'm gonna fuck shit y'all up

So this is how it ends. I guess I won't be able to let this go sooner, or not ever.

Following the lives of these incredible characters since 2014 had been an astonishing journey for me. And now, we reached the end of one of the most-loved mangas, Attack on Titan/Shingeki No Kyojin—probably the only masterpiece that will touch my heart like this in this lifetime.

What an awful timing it was that chapter 139 arrived at the time I was supposed to be celebrating with my mutuals on exoltwt lol. While, overall, I rate AoT as 11 out of 10, I can't eschew that the culmination has left me qualms and questions unresolved.

Let's start with Armin thanking Eren for his sacrifices for Paradis—which equates to thanking him for committing a global genocide (bro, wtf???). This did not sit right with me, but I'm taking into account that Armin could see there was no easy way out, and that he believes achieving peace requires sacrifices, notwithstanding his altruistic nature and efforts to not completely throw away his humanity.

And I'm also considering the fact that, with the reality Paradis had, bringing off peace without lives being taken was a wishful thinking.

His idealistic worldview clashed with Eren's, and he wasn't able to present a solid resolution 'til the windup. And yet, Armin was still willing to talk things out with his best friend so they could come up with a better plan, without further casualties.

Up until the very end, he wanted PEACE.

I think, this is what makes Armin admirable, contrary to what other readers paint him out to be—weak and useless. He's one of the strongest and skilled characters in AoT imo. He didn't need to be a Titan or an Ackerman. He's innately whip-smart and a natural tactician, making himself a consequential character despite his lacking combat skills.

Weighing up Armin's burdens and the mental load he carries, it hurts to be in his shoes, especially since he's the commander. He's torn between his friend's life and the rest of the world. He took the responsibility of the Rumbling aftermath to shoulder Mikasa's burden and let her live in peace.

And in the end, conflict dragged on, and he ended up with a large obligation to the people.

There were little appearances of Historia, which I initially found a bit absurd since she's among the important characters in the whole series. She didn't say anything, and her pregnancy was for what again? I was disappointed. Her bearing a child held no importance and was a random subplot.

Conversely, amid a slew of readers demanding her clarification on knowing Eren's plans from the get-go, her explanation on the matter would be unnecessary. It seemed to me she has done her part on how the story would play out. And if there was an epilogue or a succeeding set of panels, Historia might've made her comeback since her role as the queen is expected to hugely partake in peace propositions.

And over and above these, the final chapter seemed...rushed? I feel like some panels need to be fleshed out more, such as the whole of Founder Ymir's feelings towards that bitchass abuser Karl Fritz. I was appalled that the root of the sufferings that prolonged for two millennia was because of her martyrdom and servitude to the king and the royal family, which she described as love.

But in reality, without having to chew this over, Ymir didn't really know what true love is. She was a slave since birth, her family was massacred by Karl Fritz, and was impregnated thrice by this murderer who never gave a shit about her. She lived a wretched life, manipulated and abused, and died after jumping in front of the spear to protect the king.

Brought by fear of losing the power of the titan, he made her daughters eat Ymir's flesh and told then to bear many children. Sick fuck.

Then Ymir discovered Mikasa, who she deemed a mirror of her own. The difference, however, is that Mikasa's love for Eren isn't one-sided. And so her greatest desire to be freed from an abusive relationship was accomplished after discovering what real love is through EreMika.

Speaking of Eren, I can understand why plenty of readers condemned him. The guy, who masked himself as a peak tsundere, cold, temperamental bastard, exterminated almost the entire global population, and when asked by Armin his reason, he said he didn't know why, so from here we can assume he neither had a goal behind that warped undertaking nor did it for the greater good.

But Armin is smart, and Eren's silence was a tacit answer. The predicament seemed unsolvable, and wiping 80% of humanity is his last resort to hold off the rest of the world from attacking Paradis.

Taking also into account that he didn't mean to have his mother killed by Dina after rerouting her from Bertholdt. If he didn't, Bertholdt wouldn't end up as the Colossal Titan and Armin wouldn't have eaten him and died along the way.

Bear in mind that Eren believed Armin would save the world, but if he kicked the bucket—and had Eren, who was obviously enslaved by his destiny, altered anything in his memories—would unravel another reality unknown to Eren that could pose a bigger risk.

And the fact that he let the familiar fate dictate him meant opening a door to another door of possibilities of achieving world peace, with Armin taking the lead.

By making himself the bad guy in his story to make his friends be the heroes, the ending suggests that harmony would work out in the end.

In 139, Armin, Reiner, Pieck, Annie, Jean, and Connie were planning to make peace negotiations. And through this, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Levi finally bidding farewell to his comrades bawled my eyes out—this is probably the saddest shit ever AoT has ever done to me, next to Erwin's death. Levi is the last one existing among his original comrades, and it sent a pang to my heart when he did his final salute, wearing a faint smile while wrapped in bandages.

It was not indicated what he'd been doing post-Rumbling. The end of Titans' curse also put an end to the Ackerman bloodline's "awakened power" and above-average human strength, so he's probably a military consultant or mentor, given his amazing contribution as humanity's strongest warrior.

It was also shown he remained in the capital and is with now-grown Falco and Gabi, who both have shown their potential for a military career.

Meanwhile, unlike Levi, Mikasa chose to retire and live in her hometown. While others remark her ending as tragic (I'm guilty of this tbh), her former comrades were on their way to see her and visit Eren's grave next to the tree from their childhood, making her not entirely lonely. I wished she and Armin were in the same multiple frames of the latter panels of the final chapter as they both grieve losing Eren. But given Armin's new and bigger responsibilities for humanity, it's impossible.

EreMika may not be endgame, and I may be bound to perpetual frustration of them never getting the chance to wear their hearts on their sleeves, I am satisfied with the ending—imperfect but fitting. It's actually funny that my feelings got the best of me upon reading the last chapter, and cursed at the story for not ending in absolute peace and bliss, forgetting that AoT had always been a poignant, anxiety-induced, existentialist story, and hinted at a bittersweet finale from the start.