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raviposting · 4 years ago

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Okay so I’ve seen a lot of conflicting responses to Buddie this episode, from it being clear to people that they’re getting together, to thinking the writers have unintentionally messed things up to thinking it’s purely queerbait.

And I get the different responses, I do - tbh I’m somehow in two camps, where I simultaneously believe it’s a slowburn but I also think it’s bait. And those are two very different opinions to have and it got me thinking about why we have these different responses as fans to the possibility of a queer ship (namely two men who would presumably be bi/pan) being canon.

While people talk about how it’s just people wanting two characters to kiss or entitled fans - sure, that’s existent in every fandom, but I think there’s also a very real fear from queer fans who don’t want to get their hopes up and I d on’t love how the conversation has shifted to calling queer fans stupid for having hope, so I kind of wanted to break it down into 3 aspects that I’ve noticed:

How writers portray bi characters and why that makes fans hesitant to have hope

What queerbait actually means as a concept

How much “slowburn” has changed in procedurals

1. How writers portray bi characters

Something I’ve thought about a lot are the bi characters I’ve seen on TV - Darryl (CEG), Sara Lance (Arrow), Lucifer (Lucifer), just to name a few. These are great characters imo and I think you’d have a fun time watching but a thing to note is that all these characters were established as bi within the first season of their respective shows and they all fairly quickly fell into a clear romantic ship as well (with the exception of Sara as she spanned multiple shows). It may have taken time for them to say the word bisexual, but it was still clear these characters were queer fairly quickly on. You could maybe argue that Lucifer was a slowburn, but then (while it does not take away from him being bi/pan so do not use this as an excuse to be shitty about him) it’s a m/f ship which is still not the point of my post, to find a m/m or f/f ship that has that same treatment.

Some writers have done it - like for Valencia in CEG, or Petra in JTV - when they saw that fans read them this way, but trying to find those characters were few and far between, and when I looked at popular queerbait ships (whether or not they actually are queerbait) it’s usually ships where the characters are largely viewed as bisexual. A lot of times this also comes with pushback from both straight and to be frank, other queer fans as well. Straight fans don’t always see the signs that queer fans do, so to them a queer character who hasn’t been explicitly clear from the start comes out of nowhere. And what I’ve seen from certain queer fans are concerns that people aren’t appreciating the canon queer characters in a show - and I think there is a conversation to be had about that, but I don’t think the response should also be about then demanding less representation for people either.

If we go back to 911, people talk a lot about how it has canon queer characters, which it definitely does - Michael, Hen, Josh, Karen, and David are all canonically gay/lesbian and that’s awesome, and we absolutely should talk about fans (white fans in particular) ignoring these characters. It also does not change the fact that none of these characters are bisexual and that is the representation people are looking for. Both of these things are true - these characters are often under appreciated in canon AND people deserve bisexual representation. They don’t contradict each other and to act like one negates the other does a huge disservice.

And even if a character was made bisexual in the canon text we don’t get that slowburn. This may be true for things like Leverage, or LOK, but there’s also a real fact of censorship that affected these shows and the fact that general audiences may not understand the queer text tjat the writers intended. It doesn’t make the writing any less wonderful or the ships any less poignant or beautiful or important, and there’s ofc shows like She Ra that made this more obvious (or the.....mess that was Supernatural that made it. Half true?) but these are still real things that should be acknowledged on why people are so hesitant to call it slowburn - because it’s something most queer fans haven’t SEEN DONE, because m/f ships will get that care for slowburn when it’s done but it’s not done for m/m or f/f ships in that same capacity.

2. What queerbait is

This one’s fun because I don’t think many people understand what it is, but queerbait is very dependent on the intentions of the writers/creators/etc. - which tbh can be hard to gauge, because a genuine intention that ended up not happening or someone baiting fans or someone trying to support all ships and not be rude all have very different intentions but to a fan who only sees bits and pieces of this person on social media, it can be hard to gauge.

Honestly with how much the 4th wall gets broken because of social media now I’d personally say we’ve probably moved into a different definition of queerbait - unintentional vs intentional - because we’re at a point where a show knows what ships are popular and at what level of excitement fans are for it - but that being said, there’s still a clear spectrum of intent. And imo? I don’t think 911 has that intent of queerbait - whether it’s a slowburn or they have a different vision for buddie that I (probably) won’t agree with remains to be seen, but this show usually treats its storylines with care. Are they perfect at it? No, definitely not, I definitely think that they’ve dropped the ball a few times (especially with just how many characters they have lmao), but they also clearly do their storylines with earnest and with genuine care for these characters.

Is 911 getting them together? I want to say yes. I don’t think this was always the plan, just something that they decided along the way, but I also don’t think that changes anything about the ship. A lot of people point to Tim Minear being vague about the ship, or the actors and their interpretations, but 1. We have no idea what they’ve been told about Buddie moving forward and 2. No show runner is going to spoil their show that much. 911 may be keeping quiet because they have a different plan for buddie, sure, but also maybe because they’re still figuring out how exactly they want to do this and/or they want to make this slowburn and don’t want to give it away.

3. Slowburn in procedurals

I feel like this is something that procedurals have started shying away from, but slowburns used to be very common - Bones, Castle, their ships didn’t get together for literal years, but that’s just not something that many shows do nowadays, even for m/f ships. Even things like Deckerstar will have the characters get together after ~3 seasons and explore the relationship onwards, whereas a few years ago, y ou’d pr obably be watching a sh ow and it’d take them 7 seasons to get together. My assumption for this is that shows are afraid of getting canceled, but there’s been a pretty big shift in getting a couple together after say, 6 seasons to now getting them together about halfway through the show. I don’t think either one is bad or good - in good writers’ hands, either can be amazing - but that shift has made it so that a lot of younger fans in particular, I think, don’t fully recognize slowburn when they see it.

911 as a show tends to run pretty fast - it kind of has to with its depth of characters they have - but when they do have slower running storylines they really do make use of that as well. Bobby’s addiction is something that’s always going to be present in his character, May’s suicide attempt was brought up again front and center after 3 seasons, even Chim’s dynamic with the Lees was brought up again and it was reinforced again that they’re his family. There are certain storylines that have to be continuous and aren’t a one and done type of thing, and that includes Buck and Eddie, especially if you want to establish them as queer to a general audience who doesn’t think about these things.

And honestly, despite my fears, I think they are laying groundwork there. We have Buck learning to be more confident in his relationships, we have Eddie ready to date and learning to follow his own heart, we have Buck and Eddie both establishing that Buck is family and will always be there for Christopher. These are pretty big steps to do for a ship and we’ll obviously have to see how the show goes forward but they’ve already insinuated Eddie and Ana are breaking up, I’m sure Taylor and Buck may last a season and be over, but we do have to see what this next season brings. Do I think they’d say this? No, definitely not.

tl;dr:

911 is a show with good viewership, but there’s always a possibility they can’t continue with their season and then their promises would feel like a lie. Or they may still be hammering out the details as this season hasn’t been written. Or they may just simply not want to spoil their show, or they don’t want people criticizing a story before it’s finished, all of these could be reasons. The showrunners, writers, actors, ultimately they owe nothing to us as a fandom to potentially spoil their series, or do something, change it or their schedule for it, and get accused of bait.

But it also doesn’t change why fans are wary of this storyline either, and I wish people would have more nuance and compassion for fans who are worried about queerbait (whether they think it’s not queerbait and dislike people worrying about it or if they do and are calling people idiots for believing it). There’s a lot of reasons why fans are wary and don’t want to have hope, and it’s not necessarily about 911 specifically as it is a pattern of writing seen in other pieces that have fans worried. These things can all coexist and I wish we as fandom in general could acknowledge that, because pretending that they don’t and criticizing each other/people’s intentions or knowledge when they have certain expectations also doesn’t do much to help.

#warning this is long so if you read this bless you #but also i wrote this forever so maybe give a read?#it gets into buddie more specifically at the end so bear with me lmao #buddie #911 fox #fandom #queerbait #janie overthinks media #buddie meta #911 on fox

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toomanyrobins · 4 years ago

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MINIMAL LOSS

summary: Spencer and Y/N head into the Separtarian Sect and are greeted with trouble.

pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

content warnings: few swear words, guns, character death, violence, cult behavior

word count: 3.7k

It had been a few months since Y/N had joined the BAU. Despite initial worries, she fit right into the team. She had joined the women for girls’ night and even helped Garcia plan JJ’s baby shower. Hotch was truly showing how much trust he held by sending the two youngest teammates on their own assignment. Y/N and Spencer were in a car in La Plata with Nancy, a CPS worker, on their way to Liberty Ranch. Spencer played the call for the three of them: “He comes into my bedroom and lays with me. He says it's god's will. I'm only 15. And I'm not the only one. Please help me!”

Y/N turned to Nancy, “Who is the ‘he’?”

“I believe the ‘he’ that they referred to is the church's leader: Benjamin Cyrus.”

Reid flipped open the file and leaned forward so that Y/N could look at it too. She smiled appreciatively at him, “Benjamin Cyrus--No criminal record. No record at all, really. What else do you know about him?

Nancy shrugged, “It's rumored that he's practicing polygamy and forced marriages.

Y/N scanned the file as Spencer read aloud, “Do we know who the caller is?”

“Jessica Evanson is the one who the age fits, But...we can't be sure. I negotiated interviews with all the children. It wasn't easy.”

“Well, considering their view on outsiders, it would be best if you didn't identify us as FBI. Just use our real names and introduce us as child victim interview experts.” Y/N and Reid left their badges and gun in the car. The trio pulled up and was greeted by a single man lounging on the stairs. He seemed unimpressed by their presence and continued to read his book. Y/N noted that the act seemed a bit over the top and a definite attempt to appear nonchalant about their visit.

Nancy walked up to him, “I'm looking for Mr. Benjamin Cyrus.”

The man walked down the stairs, shutting the Bible in his hands, “You found him.”

“I'm Nancy Lunde. We spoke on the phone regarding the allegation.”

“Savages they call us because our manners differ from theirs.”

“We didn't come here to hear you cite scripture, Mr. Cyrus.

“Actually, It's a Benjamin Franklin.” Y/N smiled softly at the ever fact-driven Dr. Reid.

Nancy motioned at the two of them, “Y/N Emard and Spencer Reid -- they’re child victim

interview experts.”

“How far from God's word must we have strayed for there to be the need to invent a job called child victim interview expert?”

“We wish we didn't have to be here,” Y/N said.

So do we. But you are welcome, nonetheless. The children are in the school,” He pointed to the building behind him.

Nancy nodded and thanked him. The two women forged ahead, but Y/N stopped when she heard Spencer remark on the compound’s use of solar power.

“We're completely self-sufficient,” Cyrus explained, “Electricity, food, water. Ben Franklin said, ‘God helps those that help themselves.’ You look surprised.” Y/N noticed that Spencer was working to build a relationship with Cyrus and followed Nancy to begin interviews. They decide to start Jessica: the suspected victim. Y/N immediately noted the defensive posture that the 15-year-old held. Her mother, Kathy, stood beside her and looked much more submissive.

“So, what does a normal day on the ranch look like for you?” Y/N inquired.

“We go to school. We do our chores. And we treat ourselves and each other with the respect that God demands.”

“But you've never been off of the ranch?

Kathy spoke, “I brought Jessie here when she was 2.”

The young girl had a very sour look on her face and had her hands folded tightly in anger, “You've talked to lots of children in your work. Tell me, are their lives somehow better than ours? We devote ourselves to God.” Kathy put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder to calm her.

Y/N reassured the teen, “We are not here because of your religious beliefs.”

“Then why are you here?”

“We received a phone call alleging that an adult male member of your church was having inappropriate relations with the younger women here.”

“You're talking about Cyrus.”

Reid had joined them and heard the last bit of the conversation, “What makes you say that?”

Kathy tried to stop her daughter, but the indignation was clear. “Is it inappropriate for a husband to share a bed with his wife?

Y/N was shocked, “You are married to Cyrus?”

“Yes. Cyrus is my husband and a prophet. It's an honor to bear his children.

“Jessica, you're 15 years old. The state of Colorado requires parental consent.”

Y/N stared at Kathy and saw the regret in her eyes. She looked up at Reid, “She gave consent.”

Before they could continue to question, they were interrupted by members of the ranch coming in armed. They forced the three outsiders back and pointed their weapons at them. ”What's going on?” Nancy demanded. Three men came over and patted them all down. Y/N dug her heel into the man’s toe when she felt him linger. He groaned and stepped back with a scowl, nodding to Cyrus to confirm that all three were weapon-free.

“We just got a very strange phone call from a news reporter. Is there anything you want to tell me about a raid, maybe?” All three of them were shocked. Especially Y/n and Spencer since they knew that JJ had checked with other agencies before sending them in. Cyrus shook his head, “They don't know.” The men shepherded the woman and children through tunnels hidden under the buildings to a bunker filled with weapons. Gunfire could be heard overhead as instructions were given by Cyrus.

Y/N and Spencer both saw how the guns lining the walls. She whispered, “Where did all these guns come from?”

Spencer shook his head, “I don't know. Garcia checked with the state police.” Nancy broke free of the group in the bunker and hurried up the church, thinking she could stop the raid from continuing. They heard the gunfire cease and he whispered again, “The raid is over.”

“What does that mean?”

“Either Cyrus convinced them to leave or this is over a lot faster than we thought.” When the men returned back down, Y/N realized that they were stuck in the compound again. Spencer inquired into where Nancy had gone and Cyrus explained that she had been shot by the Colorado authorities.

“They’re pulling out.”

Reid shook his head, “Not for long.” They were stuck in the bunker while the male members of the cult all armed themselves.

Y/N leaned over, “The team will have to be on its way now that a failed raid will be on the news.

“With an average flight time of five and a half hours between DC and the La Plata County Airport plus the half hour drive out to the ranch, I estimate that they’ll be here by 4 o’clock, maybe 4:30 depending on who drives.” Y/N and Reid stayed trapped in the bunker, covered by an armed member at the door.

Y/N needed grounding and turned to Spencer, “What is the playbook here?”

“If the BAU is put in charge, which I imagine they will be because we are inside, they will go for the minimal loss situation. Statistically, it is improbable that they will get every member out, so they will do their best to save as many as possible. With the indoctrination in cults like this, some will be too far gone. It will be impossible to convince them that what they have been following is a lie. They’ll first try to get out 1 or 2, then 3 or 4, and then as many as possible before it goes bad,” Spencer stopped talking and looked confused, “You haven’t told me to stop rambling.”

“Why would I tell you to stop? This is valuable information,” Y/N’s cheeks warmed, “Plus you have a nice voice. We are going to be here a while until someone gets in contact with Cyrus. Best to be informed and it seems that you’re a wealth of information, Dr. Reid.”

Despite the situation, Spencer smiled and continued talking quietly to Y/N about the tactics used. She asked him questions and let him answer them with as much information as he had. Y/N had seen him get cut off by the others before, and she understood why they did it, but she realized he probably didn’t get to share to his heart’s content often and currently they had a minimum 6 hours of waiting ahead of them. That plan was cut short by Cyrus coming back down. He brought them all up to the church. The duo were off to the side, watching as Rossi came in carrying a box. He was patted down and Cyrus spoke to him. Y/N and Spencer were both careful to keep any hint of recognition off of their face, knowing that even a twinge of weakness could seal their fates.

Rossi let his eyes pass over the duo, before turning to Cryus, “I’d hope you let me take the children.”

“Nah, they’re our protection. I remember Waco... we all do. They stay for now. While I pray for God’s guidance. Please don’t try to force us out.”

“No one’s gonna try to force you out of here.” The two men walked to the door and Rossi left again.

The moment he was out the door, Cyrus ordered a member to prepare wine, “We are celebrating. Everyone drinks. Everyone rejoices. Because today we are one day closer to being with him.”

Y/N watched a scene unfold in front of her and brushed her hand against Spencer’s to get his attention, “Look at Jessica’s body language. The way she looks at him. She literally worships him.”

Spencer nodded, “There is no way she made that 911 call.”

They both watched as Kathy stood up to speak to her daughter, “Look how she comes between Cyrus and her daughter. She's inserted herself between them. I don’t think Kathy is as devout a follower as she wants people to believe. Cyrus isn’t the most important thing to her; Jessica is.” Spencer squeezed her hand in silent agreement.

Cyrus began preaching from the front as all the followers drank the wine, “Acknowledge him in all things and he will guide your way. Drink to acknowledge him and I will guide our way. We will be with him soon. We drank the poison together. Mothers… Fathers… Children, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we fear no evil, for thou art with us.”

Y/N eyes widened and she looked up at Spencer, “What do we do?”

He shook his head, “Nothing.”

“We have to do something. These people just took poison.”

“Cyrus just told them they did. I think he's just bluffing. Just after he told them about the poison, he waited for them to start to react. Then, he nodded to Cole and he started writing. They're scanning the audience looking for reactions. They're writing down the names of the people who are crying.

Realization hit Y/N, “It's a loyalty list. So he knows who will follow him to the end.”

Cyrus spoke again, “Be still. There was no poison. Instead a test of faith. Because your adversary, the devil, waltzes about as a roaring lion, choosing whom he may devour. Watch each other for signs of weakness. You are your brother's keeper.”

After the test, they forced Y/N and Spencer back into the bunker. A guard again stationed by the door. It wasn’t long before Cyrus came back into the bunker, anger written across his face, “Which one of you is it? Which one of you is an FBI agent?”

Spencer and Y/N shared a look. “Why do you think one of us is an FBI agent?

“God will forgive me for what I must do.”

Spencer kept his face confused and innocent, “I--I don't know what you're talking about.”

Cyrus cocked a gun and pointed it at Spencer’s forehead. “One of you does. Who is it?”

Y/N knew that Spencer had built a rapport with the sect leader. She took a deep breath, “Me. It's me.”

Spencer looked at her worriedly as Cyrus uncocked the weapon. He flew forward and grabbed Y/N by her hair, dragging her into another room, “I told you not to put me in this position!” She tried to stand, but he backhanded her. She got up again, staring determinedly at him. This time, Cyrus threw her into the wall. Y/N crashed into a mirror and felt the shards cut her arms and face. He continued to preach while beating her, “Proverbs 20:30 tells us blows and wounds cleanse away evil.

Y/N remembered what Reid had said about the FBI trying to find a way to listen in, she had to stop them from coming in, “I can take it.” Cyrus thought she was antagonizing him and hit harder. She repeated herself, “I can take it.” Y/N hoped that the team understood that she could handle this fight and not blow the operation by trying to save her.

“Pride comes before the fall,” Cyrus punched her in the stomach and threw her to the floor. Y/N lay on the floor, trying to catch her breath after the last kick to her stomach knocked the wind out of her. He called for another man to come in, “Tie her up. Put her upstairs.

Kathy snuck into the room they had trapped Y/N in. She had brought a small first aid kit and cleaned the blood away from her face and removed bits of glass, “You should have told Cyrus who you were. He's a prophet. He predicted Satan's armies would come and lay siege to us.

Every inch of Y/N’s body hurt, but she knew she couldn’t give up. She looked at Kathy, “There's a name for that kind of prophecy-- self-fulfilling.”

“You don't know how dangerous It is to lie to him.”

“I know it would take a brave woman to defy him, Knowing the consequences. And that woman would have to have a damn good reason to do it. Kathy sucked in air when she realized that Y/N had suspicions about who made the 911 call that had led to them coming to the compound. She left the room and Y/N let her head fall back against the pillows, hoping that she was getting to the woman.

She tried to track how long had passed but when the sun set, she had no measure of time. It hadn’t been long before the door to the room flew open and the same man who had tied her up entered. He roughly dragged her up and cut the rope binding her wrist. He kept his weapon trained on her and forced her into the church, where everyone else was.

Cyrus stood at the altar, “It has come to my attention that some of our brothers and sisters have lost their faith in God. That they no longer love us. They want to abandon us. So when I call out your name, please stand.”

Spencer came up to her. She kept her eyes trained on the sect leader, “He looks pissed.” She turned to him and smiled softly when she saw the worry in his eyes, “Spencer, it's not as bad as it looks. I’ve had worse.”

“I'm so sorry,” Spencer scanned over Y/N’s body, taking in every injury inflicted by Cyrus. Moments like this, he hated his eidetic memory; knowing he would never forget the beating Y/N took to protect him. Their attention was drawn back to the members,

“Look at who he's releasing. It's the ones who failed the loyalty test. I'll get word to the team. Wait for a sign from outside to indicate what time the raid will come.” Spencer walked away from her to speak to Cyrus. He turned and nodded to her, before she was dragged back up the room. Her arms were tied again and she was thrown on the bed.

Y/N nodded off for a few hours, but had woken up when the sun had started to rise, cursing herself for falling asleep. Y/N situated herself on the bed and used her shoe to pull the blinds down. She knew that the glass needed to vibrate in order for them to hear her, “If you can hear me, I know you're coming. I can try to get the women and children down to the tunnel, but I need to know when you're coming.” She continued to repeat herself, when a red dot shone on the opposite wall, “Ok. Ok. I got you. What time?” The dot held steady for a moment and then moved 90 degrees. “3 a.m.?” The dot moved up and down confirming, “Understood. Reid is on the first floor somewhere with Cyrus. And, please, remember there are children here.” Y/N heard someone coming and dropped her foot, letting the blind close again.

Kathy came back into Y/N’s room. She helped her sit up and gave her a glass of water. This was Y/N’s last chance to convince Kathy to held, “Cyrus is planning a mass suicide. You made that 911 call.”

The woman shook her head regretfully, “This is all my fault. None of this would have happened if I hadn't of made that call.

“You were trying to protect your daughter. No one would fault you for that”

“There were other girls before Jessie. He--he would marry them in secret, and after a while he'd take another. And we weren't permitted to speak of it. So, when she asked for my consent, I wanted to just take her and run. But I was afraid she wouldn't leave him.”

“You wanted us to take her.”

“Well, I--I wanted to save her from Cyrus.”

“I can give you another chance. The FBI is coming here at 3 a.m. I need you to gather Jessica, the kids, the other women -- get them into the basement just before 3 a.m.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I have faith that you are a strong enough woman to do the right thing for Jessica.” Kathy stood and walked out of the room without another word. Y/N was left with the hope that she had gotten through to the woman.

Only a few moments later, Kathy came back. She helped Y/N sit up and removed the bindings from her wrists, “You were right. They're setting the place to blow up. I told Jessie that Cyrus wanted her to gather the women and children.”

Y/N’s thoughts were on Spencer, “Where is the man I came in with?”

“He's in the chapel with Cyrus. It's 2:45, though, we gotta hurry.” Y/N and Kathy rushed to get the women and children down to the basement, careful to avoid any of the armed men.

Once they got to the basement, Derek and Rossi were waiting for them. He rushed up to her, “Y/N, Y/N, you all right?

“Worry about me later, Derek. They've wired explosives.” Kathy and the agents rushed everyone out of the compound.

“Where's Reid?”

“He's in the chapel with Cyrus.”

Rossi turned to her, “We gotta get you out of here.

“No. We've gotta get Reid!

Derek grabbed her shoulders, “I will get Reid. Get out of here. Get to safety. Go now.” Y/N nodded and followed after the rest of the members. She stayed watching the building as the other continued to run. Y/N had to know that Spencer was okay. The church exploded and Y/N fell to the ground, covering her head. Once the smoke cleared, she stood up, “Reid! Morgan? Reid? Morgan!”

“We're ok!” Derek called.

Spencer ran up to her and wrapped her in a hug, “Are you okay?” She nodded and he put his arm around her, helping her to walk to get medical attention. Only once he was certain she was getting help did he leave.

Y/N sat in the back of an ambulance as the paramedic pulled shards of glass from her arms, and bandaged and disinfected the cuts on her face. JJ came over to check on her, “How bad is it?”

“Everything is sore, but the worst is cuts from the mirror he slammed me into. They said I don’t even need to go to the hospital.”

“Take it easy and don’t move until one of us comes to help you. Understand?”

Y/N smiled, “You’re already such a mom, JJ.” The blonde laughed and sat next to her, one hand on her belly. The rest of the night passed quickly and soon the team was on the jet back to DC. Y/N sat next to Spencer on the couch, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Y/N gently pulled the book out of his hands and put her hand in his, forcing him to put all of his attention on her, “I need you to listen to me. What Cyrus did to me is not your fault. It was my decision, and I would do it again. Do you hear me?” Spencer nodded. Y/N smiled at him and handed him his book back. She tucked her feet under the blanket and put her head on his shoulder, exhaustion weighing her eyelids down. Spencer read to her, remembering what she said about his voice, until he was sure she was asleep. The team all shared looks at the familiarity between the youngest teammates and smiled.

When they landed, Spencer offered to drive her home. The duo ended up at Y/N’s apartment. They ordered Chinese food and Y/N let him turn on Star Trek and explain all of the science and how it was ahead of its time. By the end of the night, Y/N had her legs slung across his lap and a frozen pea bag on her bruised face. She fell asleep sometime during the fourth episode. Spencer turned the TV off and covered her with a blanket. He quickly put the leftovers and peas away, and even laid out some Advil and water on the coffee with a note for when she woke up.

Y/N,

You fell asleep and I decided you need your sleep. I put the food away and the peas back in the freezer. Take the Advil when you wake up. You’re going to need it. Text me when you wake up and I’ll pick you up. You shouldn’t drive until you’ve healed.

Dr. Spencer Reid

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #toomanyrobins

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surgepricing · 5 months ago

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So I've been engaging with a show mostly through my gay friend who watches it religiously and is hardcore into shipping the characters in it but I finally decided to watch it recently.

It's 911 on ABC, formerly FOX, where it had been broadcast for six seasons. My bro was always thrilled to update me on the episodes and what new gay-ish delights they brought with them--two of the firefighters are basically intertwined at the waist, trust each other above all else, have risked their lives for each other and were devastated when the other was in danger, and uh...also basically raise a kid together.

I was very happy to sit on the sidelines mostly because I could see some bad warning signals approaching, that being the burgeoning of an un-canonized relationship that was starting to become a Big Red Button ship. The show had legitimate gay characters, yes, but these two specifically were very, very popular. Familiar with the Destiel craze and the Bumblebee collapse as I was, I didn't see this going in a good direction--the nods from the actors, the talks about gay representation, etc., there was even a spin-off show called 911: Lone Star that featured gay relationships in much more prominence (played by Rafael Silva and Ronen Rubinstein, for those interested) that felt very much like placation or distraction from certain angles.

Then the show moved to ABC, started its seventh season, and holy shit the bisexuality--

Main characters Buck (Oliver Stark) and Eddie (Ryan Guzman) meet a really, really hot, really cool, and really GAY helicopter pilot named Tommy (Lou Ferrigno Jr) who's been alluded to or mentioned but never shown, and Eddie and Tommy hit it off really well. Buck gets jealous and makes an ass of himself, and there's tension because naturally everyone assumes he's jealous of Tommy getting Eddie's attention but no--it was the other way around. He saw Tommy, got the mother of all crushes, and was down BAD bad, and when Buck tries to apologize for doing way too much to get his attention, Tommy gives him the Kiss Heard Round The World and asks him out, and this is all in EPISODE 4.

Over the rest of the season, Buck goes on a date with Tommy, accidentally fucks it up and they make up later, he comes out to his sister and to Eddie (who're both very supportive), and then he asks Tommy to be his date to his sister's wedding. They are sexually active. There's a joke about Buck having a daddy kink. Their relationship is positive and mutually attracted.

And I was so freaking shocked because just from what I was absorbing, I thought for sure this was just a bunch of gaybait for the first 6 seasons--and my actually invested gay friend the Buddie Diehard believed that, too. It's not hard to spot in the 2020s when gay audiences are being baited. I thought for sure the Buddie stuff was going to get mild acknowledgement until the show stopped airing and nothing more. Turns out the concept of Bi Buck had been in rotation since Season 2, and the sheer force and fast pace with which Bisexual Buck suddenly happened suggests Fox was holding them back a lot.

The great gay joy of it all is only marred by the fact that we now know what a Big Red Button ship causes when the button is actually pushed: Buddie fans have been absolutely fucking awful towards Tommy, his actor, the onscreen relationship, and anything related to it.

It's everything I always said would happen if this had occurred with Dean Winchester or Blake Belladonna: the rabid shippers go berserk and reveal their true colors. It was never about gay representation or gayness at all, but getting their way and the ship they wanted (and endlessly fetishized).

The homophobia is insane. The bad takes are insane. The furious and willful misrepresentation is insane. You'll never meet fans so openly pissed about a gay ship while pretending they love gay people as the Buddie fans who had to watch Tommy Kinard have the nerve to kiss Evan Buckley.

It's crazy, because there's plenty of BuckTommy shippers that enjoy and ship Buddie, but it marks a clean divide with Buddie shippers who've decided Tommy is evil trash.

And I feel so sorry for Lou Ferrigno Jr and Oliver Stark, who are putting on a great performance and seem really happy to be playing these MLM characters in a positive and healthy relationship.

Hey gang, been a minute.

Anyone remember that first post I made here? Who wants to talk about big red button ships, because I do.

#deputy-videogamer #bucktommy #anti bumbleby #rwde #anti destiel

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marjansmarwani · 4 years ago

Text

for a time you had me scared

3.7k || ao3

An accident on a call leaves TK facing a potentially career-ending injury. He's scared, more scared than he wants to admit and so afraid to hope, but he does have his friends on his side and that counts for a lot. ----- Day 3 of @911lonestarweek: “We’ve got your back, no matter what.” + Hurt/Comfort

A prequel of sorts to @silvarafael’s fic “I’m Not the Same Man I Was in the Spring” because she told me to write it.

----------------

It’s just a normal day, at first.

But that was how things always started, wasn’t it? Whenever something tragic happened there was almost always one thing everyone agreed on: no one saw it coming. That was just the nature of tragedy: things were normal, and then suddenly they weren’t.

This was no exception. When they pulled up on the scene, when they geared up for the rescue and Captains Strand and Vega doled out instructions, they had no way of knowing how badly it was going to end. It was something they’d have to be reminded of later — that they couldn’t have known, that they weren’t to blame. Would it make any difference? Probably not, but the fact remained.

They arrived at the scene to get the rundown from the APD responding unit: someone had collapsed on the roof. No one knew who it was or why they were on the roof. All they knew is that a passerby had spotted a limp arm dangling over the edge and had called 911.

“Okay team,” Owen began after he discussed with the officer, “I want two people up to help with the rescue. Marwani, Strickland that’s you. Captain Vega, if we can get a medic up there it would be helpful, tell us what we’re dealing with.”

Tommy nodded and threw a glance at TK and Nancy, “You two decide who is going up and grab your gear.”

The two paramedics studied each other for a moment before Nancy shook her head, “That is all you dude,” she said. “I don’t mind heights, but I’d rather not if I don’t have to.”

“Your loss,” TK quipped as he gathered the proper equipment, excitement visible.

“You do realize it’s not normal to be this excited about climbing to the top of a 4 story building, right?” Nancy asked her partner, who ignored her. “It’s a little concerning if I’m being honest, Strand.”

“You’re just jealous,” TK tossed back with a grin as he shouldered his pack.

“No, I’m really not.”

“Children,” Tommy interjected mildly, causing both paramedics to quiet as she rolled her eyes.

Owen shook his head as he looked to the rest of his crew. “Ryder, get the ladder going and Chavez be ready to grab whatever other equipment they might need. You’ll be the runner.”

There was a chorus of “copy” as they all set into motion, a flurry of organized chaos on the ground. Paul and Marjan grabbed the rescue basket and met TK at the base of the ladder.

“I told you not much would change when I switched to medical,” he told them with a grin. “We still get to do some rescues together after all.”

“That’s just because you are too much of an adrenaline junkie to keep your feet on the ground,” Marjan pointed out lightly, receiving a snort in return.

“Takes one to know one.”

Paul rolled his eyes as he grabbed the ladder and pulled himself up, “Yes, you’re both very daring. Now hand me that basket so we can get up there and get this guy off the roof.”

Marjan bumped a shoulder into TK before grabbing the basket in question. He grabbed the other end and together they hoisted it up onto the ladder so Paul could drag it behind him. Marjan assisted from behind with TK bringing up the rear with the medical gear. They reached the top without incident and stepped out onto the roof one by one. TK went immediately to the fallen figure as Paul surveyed the area once he and Marjan had set down the basket.

“Looks like he was up here repairing something,” Paul noted, gesturing to the tool box by the access door. “Must have gotten locked out or something.”

“And tripped over something, knocking himself out,” TK added, lifting up a gloved hand with blood on it to show them. “All other vitals are normal, he just knocked himself out. Sir,” he said to the downed figure, “can you hear me?”

He prodded the man lightly on the shoulder and waited for a response. When he got none he tried again, speaking a little louder as Marjan and Paul got the basket ready for him. After another try TK shook his head, “He is well and truly out,” he announced, “but his pulse and respirations are normal. Guess we just need to get him down.”

“Way ahead of you dude,” Marjan announced, gesturing towards the fully prepped basket.

TK nodded and spoke into his radio, “Patient is stable, getting ready to transport him back down, Cap.”

“Copy that Strand,” came the distorted voice of Tommy through the radio, “we’ll be ready for you here on the ground.”

TK, who had just finished running the IV line, nodded to Paul and Marjan. “Can you help me move him?”

They nodded and took up positions at the man’s hip and legs. Once they were ready TK spoke. “Okay,” he instructed, “on 3. 1, 2…”

The last number was lost as they lifted him up and placed him carefully in the basket, securing the straps tightly around his still form.

“I’ll go first,” TK told them. “Once I’m on the ladder you can pass the basket down to me.”

“Well get going then,” Marjan said lightly, “what are you waiting for?”

TK rolled his eyes and stepped carefully over the edge, swinging his leg back onto the ladder.

It was a simple maneuver; he had done it more times than he could possibly count over the 7 years of his career. He went through the motions without blinking, not even giving a thought to movements. It was pure muscle memory, and it had never let him down.

But today was different in a way no one could predict. At the exact same moment the mechanics of the ladder malfunctioned and the lock holding the ladder in place let go, causing the ladder to jerk violently. The sudden motion countered TK’s tenuous balance on the top of the ladder, causing him to slip. If asked later, all three members of the 126 on the roof would say that the single instant seemed to stretch on for several as they all watched in horror.

TK’s eyes grew wide, which would have been comical, in any other instance. He flailed, trying to readjust his grip on the ladder, to pull himself back to safety. His friends did the same, reaching down and grabbing for him, desperately groping for his arms in hope of stopping his plummet. But they were too slow and there was no stopping him as he flipped over the edge of the ladder and fell to the ground.

There were shouts all around as the rest of the team and the spectators watched in horror. TK hit the ground with a dull thud, and there was another moment of collective horror before movement erupted.

“Judd, figure out what went wrong with the ladder and get Paul and Marjan down here with the victim now,” Owen shouted into his radio even as he ran. “Captain Vega!”

But Tommy was already in step with him, Nancy not far behind. They reached TK’s still form at the same time and while Tommy and Nancy were on their knees beside him in an instant, Owen stopped; frozen with fear as he stared down at the splayed body of his son, hardly daring to breathe.

There was a tense silence filling the air around them but Owen couldn’t stand it. His son had just...he could be....TK might…

His head was a jumble of thoughts, each abandoned before they reached the end and the awful possibility. “Tommy,” he asked weakly, aware that his voice was shaking, “is he…”

“He’s alive,” Tommy confirmed and Owen felt himself sag in relief. But Tommy’s expression was still tense and Owen felt the fear creeping back into his mind. Before he could give voice to any of the fears running through his mind, Tommy leaned forward, tapping TK on the shoulder firmly.

“TK, can you hear me?”

There was no response and Owen could feel his dread build.

“TK,” Tommy said again, “come on, I need you to wake up so I know what we’re dealing with.”

She tapped him again and after several more long, heart-stopping minutes TK’s eyes opened slowly. “Cap?” he croaked, and Tommy gave him a tight grin.

“Yeah, kid. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

“Sore,” he answered and Owen had to repress a snort.

“That’s not surprising,” Tommy answered evenly. “Nancy and I are going to do our checks, we just need to know what you’re feeling, alright? You know the drill.”

Owen heard footsteps beside him and glanced over to see Judd appear at his side. His face was pale as he looked down at TK before he swallowed and addressed Owen. “Cap, I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry, I can’t…” he trailed off, voice thick and eyes never leaving TK’s form, barely visible between Tommy and Nancy.

“Not your fault, Judd,” Owen assured him softly because no matter what the cause turned out to be he knew for a fact that Judd would never have done anything to put any of the crew at risk. Whatever had happened, it was nobody’s fault.

He stepped closer now, entering TK’s field of vision and giving him a reassuring smile, “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey dad,” he replied weakly. “You don’t have to look so worried, I’m not in much pain.”

“You fell 40 feet TK,” he countered, “I’m going to be worried no matter what you say.”

TK’s rebuttal was interrupted by Nancy calling his attention to her. “TK, can you feel this?”

TK frowned and turned his head towards her voice, “Feel what?”

Nancy exchanged a grim look with Tommy as she removed her hand still from TK’s thigh. There was dead silence as the realization dawned on the group. Owen distantly saw Judd turn away, hand over his mouth but he only had eyes for his son, whose eyes were widening in realization.

“No,” he said softly at first, eyes flicking up to find Owen. “No, this can’t be happening.”

His voice was growing more frantic and his breathing faster. Owen reached out a hand and placed it on his chest.

“Breathe, TK,” he told him firmly. “Just breathe. We don’t know anything yet. We need to get you to the hospital and have a doctor take a look.”

“I can’t feel it, dad,” TK whimpered. “And I can’t move my legs. I don’t even need to be a paramedic to know what that means.”

“Your dad’s right,” Tommy interrupted bracingly. “All we know is that you can’t feel it at the moment. There are any number of reasons for that, as you know. Once we get some scans we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on, okay? There’s no sense panicking right now.”

To Owen’s relief and surprise, TK nodded and took a deep breath. He even tried to give Nancy a small smile as she fit the c-collar around his neck with trembling hands. She returned it as Tommy called out for someone to bring the backboard. Paul did, Judd on his heels.

The older firefighter paused beside Owen as Paul set down the backboard and spoke softly to TK. “I had dispatch stand us down,” he informed Owen. “I don’t think anyone’s in the right headspace to do our jobs safely just yet. Not until we know more.”

Owen nodded, “Thank you, Judd.”

It should have been his call, he should have handled it. But he was glad Judd did because not for one single moment had any thought past the fact that TK couldn’t move his legs enter his mind. Judd simply nodded and looked back at TK, expression grim. Owen could hear the storm inside his head but he had just watched his son fall 40 feet and there was room in his own head for little else just yet. He had no comforting words to offer because, unlike so many other times, he wasn’t sure it would be alright.

“Captain Strand.”

Tommy’s voice pulled him back to reality. He looked at her to find her watching him carefully, “We have two patients to transport so we won’t have any room for you to ride with, unless you want to ride up front.”

Owen shook his head, “I don’t want to get in the way. We’ll be right behind you.”

She nodded and gestured for Paul to help her lift the backboard and bring it to the ambulance where Nancy was already getting the other patient - who was awake and aware now - settled. It was only another moment before Nancy walked around to the front and the ambulance pulled away, leaving a stunned fire crew in its wake.

Owen swallowed and glanced around at his remaining crew, all in various stages of shock as they looked in the direction the ambulance had disappeared.

“He’s going to be okay,” Mateo said tentatively, voice clear and loud against the tense silence. “Right?”

He glanced at Marjan, who was standing beside him but all she could do was shake her head and wipe angrily at the tears that had escaped her eyes. Paul clapped a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it and Owen’s eyes sought Judd once more. He was leaning against the side of the ladder truck, eyes closed as his lips moved in silent prayer.

Owen closed his own eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn’t get the image of TK falling out of his head, or the look of horror on his son’s face when he realized just what might be wrong. He knew his team needed reassurance and normally, he’d be more than happy to provide it. A few glib words in the face of adversity was kind of his thing, after all.

But this was a fear he didn’t know how to soften, so he stayed quiet.

“Let’s get everything wrapped up,” he said instead, eventually. “We have somewhere we need to be.”

---------

The ride in the ambulance passed in a blur. He could hear Tommy talking to him and he knew he should answer; he owed his captain that, at least, but he was stuck. He was too busy spiraling at the thought of what was to come, of what it might all mean. Of what he stood to lose.

He was a paramedic, he knew exactly how bad of a situation this was. And at the moment his was so bad he didn’t even need to be a paramedic to know. He couldn’t move his legs, he had no sensation from the waist down: just about anyone could tell you what that meant. There was a word in his head that he was trying to avoid but he couldn’t avoid the implications of it: you needed working legs to work for the fire department.

He knew it was foolish, that he should be grateful to be alive (he had fallen 4 stories, after all) but he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that if the worst was true he wasn’t sure what meaning his life would have any more.

Eventually, the ambulance came to a stop and he was wheeled away for exams and tests. He did his best to return Nancy and Tommy’s well-wishes, but he knew it was a lackluster attempt at best. From there it was non-stop motion: an endless stream of noise and voices saying terms that he knew should mean something but it all filtered into his head as white noise that got lost in the fog of his panic. He was poked and prodded, asked questions he endeavored to answer, and put through a bevy of scans. It seemed like an eternity before he was finally wheeled into a room and joined by his father.

It’s a relief to not be alone, but he can tell that his dad is feeling the same panic he is and doing a very bad job at hiding it. His smile is glass that is liable to shatter at the slightest sound as he runs a hand through TK’s hair, “How are you feeling son?”

“Still not in any pain,” he assured his dad, but they both know that’s not even half the story.

His dad nods though and reaches down to squeeze his arm. “No matter what happens TK,” he starts, “I’m going to be here for you, okay?”

His dad is peering at him intensely and there is so much TK wants to say to that, so many doubts rooted in his own fear that he has. So many things he doesn’t want to say because he knows each and every one of them would shatter his father’s delicate composure and he can’t handle that right now.

He is almost relieved to see a doctor enter the room and prevent any retort he could have possibly given until he remembers that the news the doctor has could upend his entire life. He feels his dad’s hand tighten on his arm and he looks at the doctor expectantly.

The doctor steps further into the room and starts speaking without having to be asked and explains: there had been no obvious signs of anything broken or damaged, but all the muscles and tendons surrounding his spine were inflamed, likely from the serious bruising that came with falling nearly 40 feet. It was likely that the swelling was what was restricting his movements and that once it went down his mobility would return, probably.

The doctor seemed hopeful but TK wasn’t quite ready to buy it. He didn’t want to get his hopes up only to have them dashed when the worst turned out to be true.

But he saw the look of hope on his dad’s face and couldn’t bring himself to dim it. So he plastered on a smile and nodded, thanking the doctor.

The doctor left him alone with his father who gave him a genuine smile and squeezed his arm tightly, “That’s good news!” he exclaimed and TK forced a smile.

“Yeah, yeah it is.”

And it was, objectively. Nothing broken means there is still a chance. But the not knowing was what got him and he hated the uncertainty. He doesn’t want to hang his hopes on a chance; experience has shown him those chances are often not strong enough to hold the weight.

“The rest of the team is here,” his dad asked, looking down at him intently. “Do you want to see them or do you want me to tell them you need some rest?”

“No, they can come in,” TK replied and his dad smiled before squeezing his arm again. “This is good,” he reminded him, and TK managed one more smile before his dad steps out of the room.

He allows himself a moment to breathe before his friends arrive. They don’t need to be worrying about him too, they all have enough to worry about in their own lives. He just needs to keep up a brave face. So he plasters on a smile as they file in, offering a half-hearted wave as they approach, “Hey guys.”

Marjan is the first to approach, coming to a stop at the side of his bed and studying him. She looks him up and down before looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, “Don’t you ever do that again. I think you took three years off of my life, Strand. How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

He was met with four unimpressed stares so he sighed and rephrased, “Not great, but I’m not in any pain and the doctors say that it’s likely only temporary. So fine, really.”

Paul did not look like he believed him for a moment. “You know, no matter what happens, we’ve got your back man, no matter what.”

“I know that,” TK assured him because he did. If there was one thing in all of this he was certain of, it was that his friends had his back, no matter what. There were so many questions flying through his head, but that was not one of them.

“I’m so sorry kid,” Judd said softly and TK looked up to him with a start. “This is my fault. I was operating the aerial, whatever happened, that’s on me.”

“No, it’s not Judd.”

The older man looked like he wanted to argue so TK repeated himself, “It’s not your fault. If something happened with the ladder, that’s not on you. You would have never done something to hurt me or any of us. Whatever happened is not on you and I don’t blame you.”

Judd met his eyes and TK smiled at him, the first genuine smile he had given since it happened. He may be scared out of his mind and he may be much more worried than he was letting on, but this was not Judd or anyone else’s fault, and he needed them to know that. “Okay?” he asked, and relaxed when Judd nodded.

“How long until you know for sure?” Mateo chimed in, voice small and voicing the question TK himself had been pushing to the back of his mind: how much longer until they ran out of waiting and he had to face the inevitable.

“I don’t know Probie,” he answered honestly, trying not to wince at the visible shift in the mood of the room. “Hopefully soon.”

The question brought him back to the fear he had been grappling with and he tried his best to not let it show on his face. Thankfully Paul, ever observant, seemed to pick up on it.

“C’mon guys,” he told them, “I already called Carlos and he’s on his way. We should get out of here and let them have their moment.”

There were murmurs of agreements and jokes and TK could almost muster a real smile again. “Do you think you can manage to drag my dad home?” he asked. “He doesn’t need to be stuck here waiting. He can do that just as well from home, from a real bed.”

“I think we can manage it,” Marjan assured him, pulling him into a soft hug, “that’s what family’s for, after all.”

His smile grew at that and as they filtered out after more hugs and well wishes, he allowed himself a moment to feel optimistic. He’s determined to keep up the brave face for now and for as long as he can so they don’t need to worry about him, and while he has his doubts and secret fears, no matter what happened he would have his friends with him, after all.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #911lonestarweek #tk strand #my writing #I'm too tired to tag people #maybe in my evening reblog?

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dumpsiteforfics · 3 years ago

Text

Yearning - Excerpts From a lonely heart : [ Chapter 2]

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid

Rating: Mature

Genre: Angst and fluff

Trigger warnings: mentions of death, suicide, A/B/O, Drugs, Kidnapping, spoilers to criminal minds season 1 to season 6. Also, will include mpreg, at the end.

This is my a/b/o universe for Heid. As the name suggests, lots of yearning and angst followed by a fluff and smut eventually. First chapter might be slower but things will pick up soon. I don’t want to make the story longer, but we will see!!

Also, please check trigger warnings and also let me know if you would like me to add more warnings!

English is my third language so expect grammatical mistakes and typos, I don’t have a beta sorry. Also I hope you will give it some love!! I’m looking forward to the feedback.

AO3 links : Chapter 1 Chapter 2

More about this au: Click here

It was different, this numbness that his mind slipped into… Spencer was used to having his mind always full of swirling thoughts about everything, obscure facts and constant statistics. But now, it was just silent, at least until he was so far gone that he started reliving the memories he had buried deep in his mind. The memories of his father leaving, of trying to do everything to keep his father from leaving them, memories of witnessing how his mother's beautiful mind broke down into pieces every day as the disease gripped her completely.

When he came back into consciousness, Charles was already there rough handling him. Spencer watched as he suddenly switched on a camera that wasn't there before. And as he said how other heathens are watching, it was a miracle that his mind grasped the words for a clue that was. His team was watching. And he needed to give them a clue about his whereabouts, which he had no idea how to give. He was unconscious throughout the ride and afterwards also he hadn't found any chance of knowing about the location where he was kept. Just then he realised the carcass Tobias had brought in when he came earlier. And he prayed to every god listening that his team would realise his clue and check the reports of poaching if any. It was a long shot of course but his team was brilliant, they will understand.

He was suddenly pulled up by his collar, face to face with Charles and he shuddered with disgust and fear. His heartbeats sped up as he heard Charles asking him to choose one to die. How was he supposed to do that? He had chosen this job because he wanted to save people, protect them from evil. But he knew Charles wouldn't take no for an answer, he thought for a moment and tried to attempt avoiding choosing to kill someone though, and thankfully Charles didn't mind. And then he was shutting off the camera and making way to kill the one he thought was a sinner. Spencer had never felt this helpless, not even when his mother was in her scariest episodes, but that's all he was feeling as he watched the couple get butchered in front of his eyes as he tried to free his hands from the chair he was tied to. He was never going to be the same again, after all of this.

***†***

As soon as they saw Reid on that screen, they realised instantly that he was beaten, his lips were cracked, one of his feet was without a sock, and his face just looked haggard. Aaron could feel the rage burning inside both of his alphas, especially Morgan and he himself wasn't any better. He could see how broken his agent looked. He couldn't help feeling a small burst of pride as Reid already profiled the unsub to realise he was a sadist in a psychotic break and his mannerisms proved to Aaron that he had already deduced he was kidnapped by a one unsub with three personalities.

When he was told to choose one to die, Aaron's heart broke. He knew as an Omega just how difficult it was, how against Reid's every instinct of nurturing and protection that decision went. He could see how disgusted Reid looked to be told to choose. Aaron is never going to forget the devastation he could see in Reid's eyes as he struggled to reply, but then Tobias pulled him up by his collar and the devastation was replaced by a pure fear. And Aaron's hands clenched into a fist without him knowing, he wanted to break every single finger of Tobias for touching his agent, for laying hands on an Omega, for beating him up and for scaring him.

Reid though was strong, even through the fear he tried to find a way to not war against his instincts at the same choosing not to anger the unsub by downright denying his order. He chose one to save.

Aaron couldn't take his eyes off of the screen, trying to get as much as he can of the place, and trying to profile Reid to see if he can get any clues of his whereabouts. Just as Gideon called the woman to get her to shut her laptop and in turn making sure she wasn't being stalked anymore, the feed turned off. And Aaron's heart stopped. This was their only connection to Reid, the only way they could see their agent was still alive. And as much as he hated it, they had no other option but to wait for a 911 call from the next murder site. And as Morgan left the room, slamming his fist in the door, Aaron couldn't even think about correcting Morgan and telling him to get his shit together, because if he wasn't in front of the team right now he would've done the same. He wanted to break something, most likely he would love to get his hands on Tobias and watch him ripped to pieces by his own hands. And as terrifying and confusing as that feeling was, he couldn't make himself to care about it this time. His instincts were not at all thinking about right or wrong, they just wanted to protect their omega and this was the first time Aaron was in agreement with his instincts.

***†***

Spencer opened his eyes as he felt the same terrified mind closer to him and he saw Tobias making his way towards him with another dose of the drug. He desperately tried to convince him to tell about the location where they were right now, but Tobias didn't listen and soon enough Spencer was slipping inside a hazy numbness and onslaught of old memories.

Probably hours later or days, Spencer couldn't even keep a track at this point he was awoken by Charles voice. Apparently someone had marked the video as virus and it decreased the number of people viewing the latest murder he had posted online. That must be Garcia, Spencer thought. Why weren't they coming to save him though? He had already given them a clue. Why wasn't anyone here to save him from this? Spencer wasn't even sure how long he can hold on now. The drugs were messing up his mind and even though the escape felt good he knew he was developing a dependency on it.

Just then Charles got up from the chair and Spencer braced himself for the abuse he knew wasn't going to be just verbal this time. As Charles screamed about his team and how they were all planning this against his agenda, he suddenly stopped and Spencer realised with a dread that Charles was looking at the track marks on his elbow. And then he was attacked with slaps and kicks as Charles repeatedly told him how pathetic he was and how much he had sinned. Spencer, already was tired from the trauma, from constant emotional load, the fear of being kidnapped and stranded with the sickest of minds and now being beaten without any break in between. Soon enough Spencer fell down from the chair, and started feeling breathless, it was getting difficult to breath or even think coherently. And as he slipped into darkness all he thought was, I'm going to die, alone and drugged.

***†***

Aaron wasn't in the room with Garcia and Gideon when Charles killed Reid. He was in the other room, going through the diaries again to see if they could find a clue. And suddenly he was hit with this dreadful feeling that something was wrong, and then deep sadness slipped inside his mind and he was running towards the room where Tobias had his computer setup. And what he saw there took his breath away. Gideon and Garcia were huddled close as she kept on crying, he sobs were breaking his heart but then his eyes moved over the screen and he realised what was wrong.

Reid. Lifeless on the floor.

Aaron tried to see closer for any signs of his chest moving, but he didn't move. He was gone. He could still remember the day Reid joined the team. Fresh from the academy, eager to protect and use his mind to save the people. He was so young. Just 26 years old and already had so much knowledge, so much empathy. He was so brilliant and so kind to everyone. Aaron remembered how Spencer single-handedly won over everyone's heart and proved his worth through the cases they worked. And such a young, precious life was taken down by a vicious unsub as the team couldn't do anything to save him. Their omega trusted them to save him and as a pack they failed to protect his life. What about his family? Or his Alpha? Did he even get a chance to meet his mate? Aaron shuddered with the intensity of grief he felt in his heart, his alpha screaming at him for failing his pack and without even realising a few tears escaped from his eyes.

He closed his eyes as all he could think about was, We failed him.

***†***

Taglist: @ssa-sarahsunshine @brillianthijinx @thaddeusly

Please let me know if you would like to be added/removed! ❤️ Please leave a feedback! ❤️❤️

#heid #hotchreid #tw a/b/o #tw: kidnapping #tw: mention of death #he doesn't die though but yeah #tw: drugs #tw: violence #tw: mention of murder #Ray's fics

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whateverthedragonswant · 3 years ago

Text

Holy crap this episode was funny as hell until it wasn't and then we were plunged right back into the intensity. But great episode!!! I don't lb so I don't get spoilers but man I had a lot of reactions as I watched. Ngl, a lot of cursing and caps ahead but damn was this such a good episode:

“One minute before the blackout” - now we’re to 1 minute from 1 week last week

“The place where this heart’s from, it was a tragedy. But once we land, it’s gonna turn into a miracle, right?” “Yeah, I like that” -- so once we land and settle after all of this craziness, a tragedy will turn into a miracle? I like that *looking at you Eddie*

EDDIE GET OUT OF THAT CHOPPER RN, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AFTER SEASON 4, DO NOT!!!

Bobby going in to save the heart, hmm...

Oh, thank God - Eddie, Hen, and Bobby are all safe

Dr. Salazar - we need more of her. I love her so much.

4 Days later - hmm...

Wow, they’re really bringing Harry to the forefront here, this whole kidnapping thing is going to happen isn't it?

Harry charging neighbors and Michael and David in a sort of co-parent situation - first of all, Harry you are a GENIUS and love that Michael and David with Harry are being focused on in this episode, ahem, is there possibly a reason...?

Lou survived!!!! THANK GOD

Nearly 5 days Lou was in hospital

5 day head start for Hudson - is there something with 1, 3, 4 and now 5? I'm keeping track here, Tim

Buck is the power czar LOL - omg I love this man so much

Ravi!!! We need MORE Ravi!!! but where is Albert???

CHIMNEY!!!!! OMG I LOVE YOU - "Give me a charger or Uncle Buck will never see his niece again" - "Give him a charger" - "Well played" - "Let this be a lesson, never give that man a clipboard" - "Excuse me for being efficient" - "That’s one word for what you are" - okay #1 I will forever be in love with Chimney, probably one of my top favorite characters on this show & #2 LOVE this whole brothers interaction, Albert may not be there but Buck and Chim are still going with the whole older-brother-is-exasperated-with-the-younger-brother's-shit vibe

Oh God, here comes more cringe, yay... not so much

Eddie kisses Ana on the cheek AGAIN (Eddie, can you hear me? This is your subconscious speaking, when are you going to end this, my man?)

Ana says going to visit was Christopher’s idea since he missed Eddie and thought he was hungry - muy interesante

Buck rushing over to greet Christopher and hugging him tight is a moment I live for - outside of the whole Buck and Eddie story, I LOVE this relationship with all of my heart, I am so glad Christopher has Buck, he really is his second dad (with or without Eddie being involved)

Eddie not introducing Ana to Ravi (nor Buck saying hi) - Buck’s expression - “You must be Eddie’s wife” Christopher: “Not yet” I FUCKING LOVE THIS KID, OKAY!!!! Buck’s smile, he loves Christopher, too - love how Ana and Eddie don't say anything to dispel or clarify this

SAME FUCKING TRIGGER AND THIS TIME BUCK SEES IT!!!! OMG (Eddie, this is your subconscious again, you need to listen! The universe and I are trying to tell you something, please before any more shit hits the fan like me having to watch more uncomfortable interactions between you and your placeholder friend!)

Eddie sending Ana and Christopher on a tour with Ravi IN THE DARK at his work place so he can put SALADS AWAY

Buck’s expressions the entire time - Buck knows something's up

Ana’s expressions the entire time - she KNOWS

Thank God Bobby wasn’t around - hear me out, I have a reason for this that I am still working on in this long ass meta

Buck makes sure to not make eye contact with Ana (except quickly when Ravi is waiting to be introduced), even when Ana laughs at his “Constantly”

Eddie being a probie when Shannon came back in season 2 (and Eddie pulled her into the locker room to talk) & Ana being left to tour the station house with Ravi aka Probie - hello parallels & contrasts, my old friend

“I don’t want these things to wilt” - interesting choice of wording there, Eddie (newsflash, it's already wilting, Eddie)

I almost feel a little bad for Ana here because she did do something nice and she gets the brushoff and some discomfort/embarrassment in return (I mean the woman brought three salads in the middle of a blackout that she most likely made herself, come on - I'm sure some people think salads are easy to make but to those of us in the inexperienced/uninitiated cooks' club, it's not that simple)

Lila dead - hmm...are we surprised? (Hudson didn't give a fig about her and what's sad is Lou would have saved her)

“I think she was smitten like those other fools. I think she saw him being led away in cuffs and she intervened on his behalf” - interesting line there, Athena...

I need more scenes with Athena and Elaine - I know Elaine is the captain and Athena is on her own with no partner but I gotta say I am enjoying this

Athena! Why are you not warning the survivors!!! I mean I get it but still!!!

OMG “He takes Christopher all the time, he’s got the place memorized” - BUCK LISTENED TO EDDIE IN 3x03 - OMG!!!

Oh Buck my poor baby, he knows what they’re walking into - I LOVE Hen’s line of “Just smile, Buck” and then Eddie and Chim both smile wide at him - OMG I AM LIVING FOR THESE SCENES WITH THE 118

“Welcome to the Jungle” - nice touch 911

OMG Buck you are cracking me up - no animals are getting past him

1 hawk or eagle or raptor maybe? I’m not good with bird species okay!!!

3 emus again

1 bird I have no idea what kind (wondering if that’s what we saw the back of last episode near the emus)

Giraffe again

3 wolves

3 camels

Elephant

“The animal makes a move, control it” - YOU GOT THIS BUCK (yes we are finally getting that scene we saw filmed!!!)

Buck’s expression when the camel runs by is KILLING ME 'yeah, that's right Camel, back up, back up, you don't want any of this, yeah that's right'

Stuffed animals in the souvenir store, interesting

2 for $5 sign - even more interesting

1 alpaca

I guess I kind of wonder why Hen didn’t become a vet at one point in her life? Like I’m glad she’s a first responder and about to be a doctor but damn she knows so much about animals, she’s like the 118’s resident animal expert, that’s my girl

“We were gonna get one” - um...what? Hen...

“I wouldn’t” LOL oh Bobby you slay me

Is it just me or do we hear ET almost type music in the background as Hen lays chips down for the alpaca? Bobby mentioning the Reese’s Pieces, the flashlight shining on the Alpaca when it steps into view...are we getting an ET reference?

“It’s calling its friend!” *another Alpaca appears through coats “Clever girl” - a Jurassic Park reference - It’s a fucking Steven Spielberg reference, holy shit!!!!

Okay so that scene was Eddie looking over at Bobby, got it, near the fire trucks

Oh Buck I love you so much “So you ran from an Alpaca?” “Two Alpacas and no one was running” - both Buck’s and Eddie’s faces and then laughter are freaking hilarious

Chimney: “After careful consideration, I have decided not to endorse this park” - OMG I have not stopped laughing for like five minutes straight, can you imagine a Jurassic Park AU for this team? - shot of T-rex above Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (nice one, 911)

Weird looking bird that I've never seen before and 2 emus and 2 vulture, 1 hawk/raptor bird, 1 rhino

May is awesome!!! And so are those neighbors!!!!

Eddie in the tank top!!! Buck with a clipboard!!!

“Hey are you sleeping or just pretending?” Buck is taking no prisoners today

Buck is trying to make sure he’s not having any symptoms, omg, seriously how do you not love this guy???? Eddie you better make an honest man out of him soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this

“You don’t give up, do you?” Oh Eddie you did not just say that, to Buck of all people, come on man (hello season 3 Eddie, my old friend)

Get him, Buck! Get him!

“Since when do you panic?” “That’s what I said, I don’t panic” Buck once again out there proving that he knows Eddie better than anyone else

Oh wow!!! Eddie came right out and said it “If I’m being honest with myself I think it was Ana”

And there it is folks “She’s been a constant through all of this, staying with Christopher”

“Somehow we became a ready made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that” - wow, this is an excellent scene, he’s totally letting that wall down to talk candidly with Buck, nice - and him being stripped down to a tank top for this scene just reiterates that fact, he's baring some things

“I think I’m gonna stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” - oh Eddie, you really need to shit or get off the pot my friend, this isn’t good for you, Christopher or Ana - how can you sentence all three of you to this? come on

“My kid loves her” but YOU DON'T - okay my heart is breaking, Eddie is making the same goddamn mistake all over again just like we predicted - Eddie please, what did Carla just say to you three episodes ago? Where the hell is Carla btw????

“Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with” “That enough?” - thank you Buck, seriously THANK YOU

Okay my heart just broke again but for Buck this time “Eddie, I have been Ana” - aww =( I love my chaotic firefighter son with all of my heart

And of course Denial!Eddie aka repressed!Eddie are back, sigh - 5x03 has to be where it all comes to a head, it has to be, now even Buck is forcing him to face what he's trying so hard not to - word of advice Eddie, my repressed firefighter son, you can try to deny it mentally/emotionally all you want but it will come out one way or another, just like it's coming out in panic attack symptoms and anxiety - you have to end this, sweetie

And I think it’s very interesting that Eddie looks right at Buck during “If I’m being honest with myself” *looks away then right back at Buck* “I think it was Ana”, “staying with Christopher”, then right after “I don’t know if I’m ready for that”, “I think I’m gonna stick it out”, “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” “My kid loves her”

OMG Eddie’s expression when Buck says “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s not all the way in and deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth” — RYAN WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN EMMY??? If anyone ever doubted that Eddie was in love with Buck, there’s the freaking proof written all over Eddie’s face at Buck’s line!!! It’s not something he thinks he can have and it hurts

Okay seriously, Eddie saying “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with Shannon” — VERY PURPOSEFUL MENTION OF A WOMAN HE’S WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH, EDDIE PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!

Then they go right to Chim calling Maddie, uh huh, I see you 911

I really love Hen’s full support of Maddie btw & I love how Chim is able to talk to Hen about it all

Oh no!!! Maddie please don’t fall asleep!!!

Oh thank God!!!! It’s going to be okay, Maddie, you got her, it’s going to be okay - I seriously want to give my girl a hug and tell her it's going to be okay

Omg Jee-Yun is so cute!!!

Day 4 or day 5 hmmm - I'm still keeping track, Tim

“Why is it every time the world ends, it ends some more?” “It just keeps us on our toes” “More like knocks us on our asses” - Universe is that you?

Awww Bobby just called Athena “baby” <3 I'm not crying, you're crying

YES more Athena and Elaine

Lou is awake!!!!

Awww Lou =( I may or may not be ugly crying rn

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Lou is alive

Oh God!!!! Athena get the cops there now!!!!

Yeah you should have let Harry charge them Michael lol, of course they were there to just use the generator power (though I love and appreciate the contrast they gave us in the neighbors who helped the boy with the ventilator so we know not all people take advantage)

OH NO GET AWAY FROM HARRY YOU BASTARD!!!!

On a side note, it’s nice to see more Michael and David but at what cost, Tim? Can we please get more of them and especially David in a more lighthearted episode for crying out loud? Is that too much to ask???

Go Bobby!!!!

Good for you, Athena!!!

Omg this is practically Athena’s nightmare come to life, shit

Omg Hudson unplugged the goddamn generator, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

HARRY!!!!!!

I’M SORRY BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S NO BOLO WITH A PICTURE ON THIS GUY?!!? - oh right, no power, but STILL

Okay that was super intense, I really hope Athena is the one to take Hudson down, just like Bobby said

I have a few more rewatches to do before breaking things down but damn, I think I need a drink after that one.

#911 fox #911 spoliers #911 5x02 #911: desperate times #buddie mention #eddie and ana mention #bathena mention #911 fox posts

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lemotmo · 4 months ago

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i ask this entirely in good faith since i’ve been thinking about it a lot lately but could anyone explain why fox blocked bi buck and possibly buddie but somehow tarlos was able to survive on lone star while on the same network? i mean this is the same network that also used to have glee on their roster back in the day so it’s even more insane to me that they would block it for 911 but maybe someone has a better answer, perhaps from a business viewpoint that i haven’t considered? i love your blog!

Well, I'm no expert on Lone Star Nonny. I tried to watch it, but gave up after two episodes.

However, as I understand it Tarlos was always the plan. TK was always established as gay, right from the beginning. Carlos was also gay from the start. So the plan was alway Tarlos.

FOX knew that there would be a gay couple in Lone Star. They knew it beforehand and they approved it.

In that sense Buddie is more unique. Buck started out sleeping around with a lot of women in season 1, before settling with Abby. There was never a plan to make him bisexual. Canonically, at that point, everybody thought he was straight. Which of course ended up being wrong, because in season 7 we found out he is (and always has been) bisexual.

Eddie was introduced in season 2. An insider on Twitter has talked about the fact that Eddie was supposed to be gay from the get go, but we have no real confirmation of that. Canonically he was married to a woman and the audience didn't have reason to think he was anything but straight. Now, Eddie fans quickly clocked him as some kind of queer, but it wasn't (and still isn't) canon.

Buddie was never in the plans. It just naturally developed because of Ryan and Oliver's crazy crackling on screen chemistry. They just clicked so well and anything they filmed together was gold.

Everyone could see their connection, including the show runner Tim Minear. But when he pitched the idea to FOX, they said 'no'.

Now, I'm not American, but I understand that FOX is a very conservative network. So maybe they didn't want 'another gay couple' in one of their shows? The OG already had Karen and Hen and maybe they thought that was representation enough? Maybe they didn't specifically want bisexual representation on their show? Who knows?

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

Keep in mind that Lone Star came after the OG, so maybe they saw how popular Buddie was online and wanted to recreate that chemistry with two men that were established as gay from the start? Perhaps they were even hoping that people would stop asking for Buddie to happen if they threw Tarlos at them? Amost as if they thought that queer couples are interchangeable somehow? 0_°

For Buddie it would certainly have been a more complicated story line than Tarlos, since neither of them was established as anything else than straight from the start. Maybe that was the problem? Two men coming out in their late twenties, early thirties? After a lot of relationships with women and even a marriage. Not just that, a marriage with a kid.

Maybe they were afraid that more conservative viewers would drop the show if two 'manly macho previously perceived as straight' men would fall for each other?

Whatever it was, it's obvious that Ryan and Oliver are very happy to be free of FOX. ABC is giving them the opportunity they didn't get at FOX.

Good for them.

#buddie #oliver stark #ryan guzman #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 abc #nonnies galore

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deans-asscot · 4 years ago

Text

LatAm Dub Voice Actor Panel: Translation/Transcript

Hello all, I have taken it upon myself to translate the panel with Guillermo (Memo) Rojas: Dean's LatAm Voice Actor. There is a lot of confusion and I think it's best if you read for yourself to come to your own conclusions. The translator in the panel failed to translate important things and also added in her own opinions/interpretations. I also think there were times when they were talking about different things. I don't blame her, because I'm sure she was nervous/excited and live translating is hard! I would like to thank her for doing the panel and trying to get us answers! I have added my own opinions/notes in red. I have included some time stamps so you can follow along in the video. I tried to focus on all the important parts regarding the dubbing and also useful background info. Please note that everything is translated by me except for the Translator's own translations, I left those in English as she said it. I apologize if there are any mistakes, I did my best.

[9:54]

Memo: I got covid in the last two... I don’t remember if I got it during.. uh, during.. the last episode of the season or during the special or during both. I have doubts, cuz I still haven’t recorded them. I have to record them from what I understand.

[Translator translates]

[10:37]

Translator: [Spanish] We’re going to start with the easy questions. Because there’s one... I’m not sure if you know but you guys in the Mexican dub broke the internet.

Memo: Yes

Translator: [Spanish] Oh, you already know?

Memo: Yeah, sorry to interrupt you. A lot of people reached out to me and I feel bad not being able to, broadly speaking, answer all of their questions. But I was in the middle of my covid situation and a tracheal situation where I couldn’t talk without choking. Now I’m working in therapy with this situation. And if that wasn’t complicated enough it seems like I have 2 sequels: one is confirmed the 2nd not yet. So I couldn’t respond to EVERYone that was reaching out to me on the internet. From various means, from Insta, Facebook, Youtube. Actually a very old channel that I’ve never used. With respect to the situation with Dean and the other guy.

[11:49]

Translator: [Spanish] How different is the process between directing for live action and directing for animation? And which do you prefer?

Memo: Okay, so what’s the difference between one and the other: basically, you can say that it’s a little similar. Because we’re talking about a certain quality that we have to respect or give, in this case. There are guidelines [interrupted by Translator] that we have to follow.

[12:10]

Translator: [translates] It’s very similar because we have to give the same quality in both senses. There is a process that we have to follow.

Memo: Yes, correct. Now the guidelines are usually given to us by the production company, in this case, what we call the client.

Translator: [translates] The lines are given by the producer house or what we call the client.

[12:31]

Memo: In this case, so we have to stick to the guidelines that they ask for. The ones which go hand in hand in regards to the production that is being worked.

Translator: [translates] We have to follow the rules. Which go hand in hand with the kind of production we are doing, either animation or live action.

Memo: Yes, actually, saying that both are the same would be lying to you. Because we could have 2 live actions and they’re not the same. Guidelines: there are basic technical points to follow but when it comes to acting and theatrical production, they change.

[13:03]

Translator: [translates] I would be lying to say they are the same because if you have two different live actions they are going to have different procedures. So when you are acting them that is when the change come in.

Memo: The greatest difference I could tell you would be the technical points to follow in each of them. And for the acting part, in this case, it would be to give 100% from each and every one of us.

Translator: [translates] and uh, in the technical those are the differences but in the acting sense I can tell you that the important thing is to give 100% every single time.

[...talk about other acting jobs...]

[17:42]

Memo: [Talking about the show 911] I don’t think there’s a piece that I enjoyed more watching being dubbed by a translator and directed by Fogatry. Who has an amazing gift to not only direct but also adapt dialogues. And there has been great synergy working on this series and others that he has done me the favor of supporting me as an actor to give me roles. And that I enjoy doing a lot. Not only his directing but also... I don’t know we have a certain synergy so he can direct me and I can act how he indicates and he makes me feel it, you know? It’s... it’s something interesting.

Translator: [translates] It is one of the series I most enjoy as... I also enjoy to be directed by Fogarty because of special synergy. He makes me feel the characters better so we work very well when he directs me.

Memo: Yes, I sincerely love working with him.

[...talks about voice acting...]

[19:51]

Translator: [Spanish] Well now that you already mentioned the guidelines, and I mentioned in the beginning: comes the big questions. What were the guidelines in that final line in Supernatural that broke the internet?

Memo: Its a curious thing because... because I don’t even think the director nor the translators had any idea of the tendency (inclination) that existed. Because there wasn’t information that said previously that something like that could happen.

Translator: [translates] It is very funny because neither the director nor I had any idea of what was coming. We didn’t know that something like that could happen.

[...talks about his birthday and eating cake...]

[20:52]

Memo: Yes, so uh, being honest, when we recorded it, it was very like, “blink blink (squints)” [takes off glasses and looks confused] “What’s going on? What’s happening?” But, we did it, you know? But none of us in the production team saw anything in him during filming that would say something like that.

Translator: [translates] When we saw it, it was like a blinking moment and we did it. But at the time we never thought that it would happen./ [Spanish] And here I have to ask for clarification. Because obviously we are referring to the fact that Castiel confessed to Dean after ...12 years... of intense stares. [Memo laughs] But the main question is Dean’s response. Because everyone heard, in your voice, very clearly “y yo a ti” (and I, you).

Memo: [same time] “Y yo a ti” (and I, you).

Translator: [Spanish] where did that “Y yo a ti” (and I, you) come from? Was it in the script? Was it you? What happened there?

[21:50]

Memo: The adaptation was completely from my director. And the guidelines for acting came from him and I did what he asked me to do.

Translator: [translates] Everything was...okay everybody I asked about “and I you” I know that Tumblr was waiting for this moment. And he says, everything came from the director. He adapted it, he gave me the guidelines. It was his fault.

(Note: Memo only knows what his director told him. Adaptation = edited translated script for lip synch etc.)

[others laugh]

[22:16]

Memo: But we all love him. We all loved it. We never saw it coming so directly.

Translator: [translates] But everybody loved it everybody wanted it at the end. We didn’t see it coming so directly but it was great.

[22:28]

Memo: If we remember correctly, from the length of all of Supernatural we rarely see a situation where Dean is seen being involved with a woman. It didn’t happen. Unlike his brother.

Translator: [translates] If we remember all the seasons of Supernatural, we never saw Dean romantically involved with a woman unlike his brother./ [Spanish] Here I will just correct you as a fan, it did happen a few times but it was before your times. (He started voicing Dean after season 12.)

[22:52]

Memo: Yes, it was before my time but it was never more than a general empathy.

Translator: [translates] Yeah it was before me but it was never farther than a general empathy.

Memo: He was never involved. Neither directly nor [cut off]

Translator: [translates] He was never involved, not completely.

Memo: It wasn’t his thing, right?

Translator: [translates] It wasn’t his.

[23:10]

Memo: Especially, because we can compare him with his brother.

Translator: [translates] Especially because we can compare him with his brother.

Memo: We remember the last relationship he had in the last 2 season.

Translator: [translates] We remember his relationship that he had in the last 2 seasons./ Uh, Eileen, the deaf woman.

Memo: Exactly, with Eileen, that was really intense. And [gets cut off] at the end.

Translator: [translates] Was very tense and painful at the end.

[23:33]

Memo: Dean basically didn’t suffer that. Like for me, to a certain point they tied him more emotionally with the fact that he lost his mother...more than once.

Translator: [translates] With Dean, he didn’t suffer what Sam did, because he was emotionally more tied with the fact that he lost his mom more than once.

Memo: Yeah, so uh [gets cut off]

Translator: [Spanish] We have a question. So it’s not a “rogue translator”, it’s a “rogue director”? Says [asker’s name].

Memo: uh... yeah yeah, I’m seeing it [the comment] yeah [laughs] Look, Fogarty has a tendency... Fogarty has really intense abilities. [gets cut off]

Translator: [translates] Fogarty has an intense ability.

Memo: Yeah and one of them is adapting the dialogues.

Translator: [translates] And one of them is to adapt dialogue.

[24:16]

Memo: When you see a piece that Fogarty translates and he manages to adapt when he has time to do it, even if he won’t direct it, and he’ll leave it for you in Spanish.

Translator: [translates] You see a work by Fogarty when he is going to translate even if he is not going to direct and he leaves it in Spanish.

Memo: So, the dialogue goes like this, if I remember correctly, it said “tambien yo (me too)” or it said something like that.

Translator: [translates] The dialogue said, if I remember correctly, “tambien yo” “and so do I”. If I remember correctly.

Memo: Exactly. And then we changed it to “Y yo a ti” (And I, you).

Translator: [translates] And then we changed it into “Y yo a ti” “and I, you”.

Memo: For the effect of lip syncing, rhythm, and more things.

Translator: [translates] Because of the formation of lip vowels and other things./ Before you came in I explained it as a translator. My absolute hate for the lip... [Spanish] my hate for the lip syncing.

[25:12]

Memo: [laughs] Yeah, it’s an impressive topic to discuss. Now a days with the speed of production that we have it’s difficult to give attention to that part. Which we should, that much is very clear to me of course. But not all of us have the ability that Fogarty has in that sense specifically. We don’t have the speed that Fogarty has to adapt like that [snaps fingers](to adapt fast).

Translator: [translates] Uh, we don’t have the time now a days to do it, we should but we can’t. But we don’t have all the...brain cells and the speed that Fogarty has to make those changes.

Memo: We all have different abilities. And when we work together, but well not everyone pitches in all of the different abilities that they have, and Fogarty does his part.

Translator: [translates] we all have different skills and when we work together we all put all job there, and Fogarty does his part.

Memo: We all need a Fogarty in every company.

Translator: [translates] [laughs] We need a Fogarty in every, in every enterprise... in every company./ [Spanish] I have to make a pause cuz you saw my cat pass by...

[...talks about her cat hating Sam...]

[...redirected to comments...]

[27:35]

Translator: [reads comment in English] They are asking a lot about if you know what Dean said in the original English Script before Fogarty got his hands on it. [translates to Spanish] If you know what was on the original script before Fogarty changed it?

Memo: Again. What? [Did not hear/or did not understand the question]

Translator: [Spanish] If you know what the original script said. What it said originally.

[28:00]

Memo: Yes, If I remember correctly... yeah, yeah, it was... it was something allusive, WOW, it was totally correct of course. [get’s cut off]

Translator: [translates] it was uh...

Memo: “y tambien yo” (and me too) or “tambien yo a ti” (And I, you as well) it said something like that. [gets cut off] (so its difficult to understand what he says next but sounds like “unmistakable, unmistakable”)

Translator: [Spanish] Ladies, the original script said “yo tambien” (me too) okay so [name] asks if you listened to the original while dubbing?

Memo: Yes, of course.

(NOTE: I think for Memo, the “original script” was the first Spanish draft before they adjusted/adapted for lip synch and what not.)

Translator: [Spanish] No. Say that (unclear) [laughs] yeah

[28:30]

Memo: No, immediately I would’ve been like [takes off glasses and leans in] “What?”

Translator: [Spanish] Yeah, yeah. What happens is that. Supernatural has a very intense, very loyal fandom. As you can see now [points to the comments] so it’s been uh...which the change brings the big question [gets cut off]

Memo: [reading comment in English] Someone translate it! [laughs]

Translator: [Spanish] What was your favorite episode to dub for Supernatural?

Memo: With my short term memory, this last episode.

Translator: [translates] So I asked him which one was his favorite Supernatural uh Episode to dub and he said that with his short term memory, the last one

Memo: It’s cuz, it says a lot, it says a lot.

Translator: [translates] It says a lot.

[29:19]

Memo: It says a lot. In one scene it says everything.

Translator: [translates] In a scene it says it all.

Memo: So it’s very impressive, it’s really nice. I never... I never saw it coming. Never saw it coming.

Translator: [translates] I never saw it coming. But it was beautiful.

Memo: Yeah, yeah

[...talks about breaking Tumblr, Dean finally getting a dog, Memo watching Supernatural...]

[31:40]

Translator: [Spanish] Once more, you broke the internet. And they’re asking: if the original script said something in regards to Dean’s feelings for Cas, [Memo says “no”] or was it all added in by the director Fogarty?

[31:54]

Memo: no, no, no. Actually the original booklet that we had never had any indication that told you that he was in love or that he reciprocates the love and that they knew. No. Nothing. Really, that phrase was what topped off the entire series.

(NOTE: I think Memo is talking about the first Spanish script he saw and all the previous scripts, saying he saw no indication UNTIL that one line.)

Translator: [translates] Okay guys. I’m going to go slow with this so it’s put to rest. No. The original did not say it. It was not... stated clear. With the last phrase was what concealed the whole series. The whole thing.

Memo: None of us saw it coming.

Translator: [translates] No one saw it coming.

Memo: No.

Translator: [translates] No one saw it coming but... it was the director adding it because that was what made sense. (NOTE: Memo never said this part about the director!!!)

[32:46]

Memo: Actually, when they started to bombard me with a bunch of questions on the internet, I started to investigate what happened, right? And yeah, I saw clearly, how the director and the writer decided to take a very hidden tendency with respect to them both. In various scenes, in very, very simple dialogues. In which they made that like allusion that they both had feelings for one another. But it was so, so faint that almost no one noticed it.

(NOTE: I think Memo is referring to the English writers/directors and the questions people asked him were in regards to being surprised that Dean reciprocates.)

Translator: [translates] He is saying that uh what the director... the dubbing director saw that... the director in English were creating this love story but it was so subtle and so “tenue (faint/dim)”... so discrete that no one saw it coming./ Which brings us to the fact that yes, this man is a heller.

[33:41]

Memo: I think that it’s clear to all of us that the fact that it broke the internet with this information, it was a surprise for absolutely everyone. Because well, we would all say, right, that if you want to be a real man, you gotta be like Dean.

(NOTE: I think Memo thinks that people were shocked Dean reciprocated because everyone views him as a manly man. I don’t think Memo is referring to the English/Spanish dubbing differences.)

Translator: [translates] I think that with the great effect.../ hold on [Spanish] You are going to break the internet again with this.[laughs] [translates] Okay I think that we... have to see this is... that how we can because after all everybody says that if you want to be a real man you have to be like Dean Winchester./ And Dean Winchester is in love with Castiel. [laughs]

[34:35]

Memo: And to me... it’s... actually it’s something really beautiful for me. Because it doesn’t have to do with gender it has to do with the feelings. And it... it was a marvelous play made by the writers. Marvelous. Marvelous. You didn’t see it coming. And look at that, you liked it.

Translators: [translates] I believe... that it’s very beautiful it was a play by the original writers, by the American workers, that you didn’t see coming but when you see it, you like it. And you end up loving it.

Memo: Yeah

Translator: [reads comments in Spanish] Um, we have 2 questions. One is from [name] that asks if something got left out of the translation?...

Memo: No.

Translator: [Spanish] No, nothing. [translates] Nothing was out of the translation. [Spanish] And the other is that they ask if they ever called you back to rerecord that “Y yo a ti” (and I, you)?

Memo: No.

Translator: [translates] No./ The “Y yo a ti” isn’t going to be redubbed people, calm down.

Memo: [laughs] No

Translator: [English] He was not called to remake the dubbing.

Memo: No... no, no, no. It’s clear to me that my director understood perfectly the context of that text.

Translator: [translates] It is very clear that the director understood perfectly the texture of this text./ [Spanish] I have a question. From experience, because at one point I got to dub, I got to translate, dub some lines, not that controversial... but very complicated that the client returned it. The client, when he heard it he said, “No, we can’t do this” Okay the line was, you’re gunna see why they returned it: “I’ve listened to jazz since I was a sperm in my father’s testicle.”

Memo: Okay [laughs]

Translator: [Spanish] So... so the client told us, “No, change it.”

Memo: What did the original say?

Translator: [Spanish] That’s what the original said!

Memo: [English] So, what?

Translator: [Spanish] It was in Japanese, but that’s what the original said. Uh but since it was for “kids” because it was anime, they returned it.

Memo: Ohh, okay, okay, okay. Maybe they asked you to smooth it over like “I’ve listened to jazz since before I was born” and that’s it.

Translator: [Spanish] Exactly. So my question is do you know if Supernatural has a quality control from Warner?

[36:52]

Memo: I would be lying if I said yes. But I have worked with Warner for a long time as an actor and director. And some very specific works like superhero type and things like that might have a filter like that. But series like Supernatural... I honestly doubt it. I think that the delegations and decisions on these situations would be totally up to the director.

Translator: [translates] Okay, so I asked him if there was quality control for Supernatural in specific and Memo tells me that he doesn’t believe so./ [Spanish] Okay, now comes the big questions cuz you broke the internet. [looks at comments] um, these are going really fast, ladies. Two people ask if you acted Dean as someone who was always in love with Castiel this whole time or did it surprise you too?

[37:46]

Memo: No. Never. Same (also surprised).

Translator: [translates] No, it was a surprise.

Memo: Actually, I’m going to be very sincere with you guys. For me, Saying to a friend I care a lot about... to someone I care a lot about... to someone of the same gender, I tell them “Te amo (I love you).” I don’t have a problem with that.

Translator: [translates] I’m going to be very truthful with you. If I have a friend, a very close friend of my same gender I will tell him “Te amo” (I love you) and I don’t have any problems.

Memo: So, I felt it in that way. Honestly.

Translator: [translates] I felt it for that side./ [Spanish] And then you found out that no. (In regards to it not happening in English).

Memo: uh huh, exactly [laughs] “Hey, what happened?” [jokes]

[...talks about Jensen on The Boys, using Facebook...]

[40:42]

Translator: [reads comment in Spanish] Guillermo, what’s your opinion, now with all that you know, about the relationship that Dean has with Cas?

Memo: Okay, it was a revelation for everyone. Including me.

Translator: [translates] It was a revelation, first.

Memo: I love how they did it. Because nobody saw it coming. Not even us, who record it.

Translator: [translates] I love him.. I love how it.. how it come cuz no one saw it coming, not even we that we are recording it.

Memo: And I think that with all the personality and the psychology that we have of the character, we can reason that if someone knows how to hold back their feelings, it’s Dean Winchester.

Translator: [translates] And we can tell by the psychology of the character that if there was someone that knew how to keep his feelings at bay, was Dean Winchester.

[... talk about co-star, deep voice, and Memo not seeing the finale yet until he records it...]

[...he’s asked to say “Hello, Cas” in Dean’s voice if Cas were to return from the Empty...]

[44:40]

Memo: Oh, It’s assumed that I told him I loved him too, as long as he didn’t come back! [jokes]

[...talk about his ideal finale of a peaceful happy ending for TFW...]

(In conclusion I don’t think Memo saw the original English script. And to him the “original script” is the first Spanish draft before they adjust for lip synchs. He thinks his director is great and did his job correctly. Memo’s shock was in Dean being in love with Cas (not necessarily the dubbing discrepancies) but he understood why it happened once he researched and saw all the hidden allusions left by the writers. I don’t think adding “rogue director” to the discourse is helpful because I don’t think Memo knows either. Here is a link to the director’s dubbing fandom page (it’s in Spanish): Adrian Fogarty.)

#Supernatural #Latam dub #Spanish #Spanish spn #Translation #Guillermo Rojas #Memo Rojas #Transcript #Live panel #Dean #Destiel #Destielgate #Dean Winchester #Voice Actor #Mine #i stayed up late for this and woke up early to finish editing haha #i hope this helps people #spanish dub #long post

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writingwithadinosaur · 5 years ago

Text

“A Helping Hand” - Oneshot?

“A Helping Hand” - Oneshot

My Masterlist - Here

My Tag List - Here

Malcolm Bright x Reader

Word Count: 3,082

Key: Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color Chunks or lines of text that are in italics means that its (Y/N)’s thoughts.

Warnings: Cursing, Violence, Death (Murder Victim), Anxiety, Fears/Phobias (Specifically focusing on sharp objects, bugs/insects, water, and the fear of imperfection), Gunshot, Talk of Suicide, the joys of writing about a serial killer based on fear.

Summary: Working a serial killer case hits a bit close to home with the latest victim. Malcolm offers a helping hand.

Author’s Note: This all started because I tried to think of how Malcolm would handle a situation involving someone who suffers from dermatillomania. This is a bit of a selfish piece because my own anxiety, depression, and ADHD manifest itself in the form of skin picking and biting a lot.

Please read the warnings because this is a bit heavy with death and anxiety and fear talk. I do hope that this ends up making you smile though.

This is not beta-read so please let me know if there are any mistakes!

If you guys like this story or want this “Scarecrow” killer to be continued, let me know. I already have a little bit of an idea on how to make this into a series. <3

If you would like to be tagged in any of my future pieces, check out my tag list above and let me know! And as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

- DreaSaurusREX

~~~~~~~~

You weren’t a rookie by any means, you have been in law enforcement and a little bit of psychology backgrounds for the last 5 years. But you were the newest member in this part of the NYPD.

You really didn’t have a choice but to grow with and trust your team with the crazy shit that’s happened over the last few months. Lately, everyone has been going crazy trying over a serial killer dubbed as the “Scarecrow.” He or she took inspiration from the Batman villain and started to prey on people with phobias.

Malcolm had some theories, but for now all you knew was the type of person that the killer targeted and no other obvious correlation between the victims. While Gil, JT, and Dani went out for lunch, Malcolm was at his desk going over the file while you found yourself stuck in the big meeting room during your break, staring at the board full of what your team had so far, trying to find anything that had somehow gone overlooked.:

Vic #1 - Omar Klinden. 25 years old. In a relationship, boyfriend’s alibi checked out. Omar was an entomophobe, someone that fears any sort of bug or insect. He was found tied to a chair in a storage unit that had three walls full of different types of bugs in glass cases, a tarantula, a handful of cockroaches, and some flesh-eating bugs on him. Cause of death was strangulation.

Vic #2 - Daphne Stewards. 26 years old. Single. Hydrophobe, someone that fears water. Found hanging above her bathtub full of water. Shallow tubs of water were laid all over the floor, preventing her from walking away if she had somehow gotten the noose from around her neck. Cause of death was hanging.

Vic #3 - Giorgio Lucinta. 33 years old. Single. Aichmophobe, someone that fears needles or pointed objects. Found tied to his dining room table with a multitude of knives, needles, and scissors stuck in the table and hanging from the lamp above the table. Multiple cuts were found over his body. Cause of death was loss of blood.

The victims didn’t know each other. All three were in therapy for their phobias, but they all saw different therapists. Each body was found in different areas of the city. The only thing connecting them was the fact that before they died, they were tortured by being forced to endure their own personal fears before being murdered.

Scarecrow isn’t physically taking anything from the victims, which means what they are taking from the victims is pleasure. They enjoy seeing people in complete and unfiltered fear for their lives. Each murder has shown more and more craftsmanship. They have been taking more and more time to set up something elaborate with each victim. They--

Before you could keep going, the door behind you opened to Malcolm with a sort of excited smile on his face.

“Gil called. We got a body.”

~~~~

“Victim is Wendy Undurmein. 26 years old. She was an analyst at the Cyrane theater down the road.” Gil gave you the rundown before you even entered the building.

“Cause of death?” You asked while slipping on some gloves, interested to know why you and Malcolm were called.

“Gunshot wound to the head. It looks like suicide.”

“So then why are we here?” You could hear the slight annoyance in Malcolm’s voice, as if the case wasn’t interesting enough for him.

Gil just motioned for you to follow him. He lead you through the apartment building and onto the third floor. JT and Dani were in the hallway, talking to a couple who you assumed to be the neighbors of the victim. Behind the normal yellow crime scene tape on the door of apartment 3538 made you realize why Gil called.

Wendy was tied to a chair in what you think to be the dining room, except every piece of furniture was replaced with an excessive amount of mirrors and lights circling and pointing at the chair in the center of the room.

“This is why I called you in.” Gil steps aside and lets you and Malcolm begin your observations.

You started by looking at the victim, Wendy. She looked younger than 26. Her shaggy bobbed brunette hair framed her delicate facial features. She was most likely wearing what she wore to work that morning. She had been wearing makeup, but you could see where some of it melted away from the tear tracks seen around her eyes and down her cheeks.

She was tied to a nicer made wood chair, but only by her waist and ankles. Odd for a supposed suicide victim to tie herself up before shooting herself. Her head was thrown to the side, from the gunshot wound on her right temple. You follow her right arm down to the floor where the gun would have landed after she shot herself, but there was no gun in sight.

While you were inspecting Wendy, Malcolm was wandering the scene, absorbing everything he could and trying to figure out the meaning of the mirrors and lights or the reason why the rest of the apartment looked normal compared to this single room.

“Where’s the gun?” You peak through a break between a couple of mirrors and find Gil watching Malcolm to make sure he doesn’t mess anything up. He shrugged his shoulders a little bit as he answered you.

“No gun.”

“What do you mean ‘no gun?’ Unless I’m seeing things, she has a bullet hole in her skull.”

“I mean there was no gun found at the scene of the crime.” Gil shifted his gaze to you tilting his head slightly, making it really click as to why you were called.

“Someone else was here before, during, or after this all happened.” Malcolm piped out the now obvious truth from behind one of the mirrors, inspecting it to see if there was anything odd about it. Dani and JT walked in as he spoke.

“I’m assuming before and during. Right after the gunshot was heard, the neighbors called 911 and reported it. When they came in, it was just Wendy here.”

You panned around the scene, trying to find anything else, but then you realized that no one had mentioned the elephant in the room: The mirrors and lights.

“All of this makes a bit more sense if there was someone else here.” Malcolm motioned to the setup, no one spoke up.

He turned to you as if to ask, “What? You don’t see it?” And you had to admit that you could see some possible things, but you were sure that he had a bigger and more coherent picture in his head. You motioned for him to go on.

“These are set up to make sure that Wendy had nowhere else to look other than at herself. The lights are set up so that virtually no shadows would be cast on any part of her, making every pore, line, and hair visible.” He stood behind the chair with Wendy’s body still tied to it, looking at every mirror to see the different angles. “I gotta say that some of these angles are pretty unflattering.” He paused, thinking out loud. “Maybe that was the point: To show the imperfections.”

“Could also be the reason why she wore so much makeup. To try to hide any blemishes,” Dani spoke up.

You and Malcolm swapped. Now he was inspecting the victim and you looked at the scene. But you didn’t look at the mirrors, you looked at the rest of the apartment. Everything was in order. The bed was made as if it was a hotel bed, the towels on the towel racks were perfectly hung. She had awards and degrees hung up perfectly aligned on her wall. Showcasing her achievements.

Imperfections. The word kept sticking out in your brain when something clicked: She was trying to prove that she wasn’t a screw up; that she was doing good things and good work. She wanted to be as perfect as she could be.

As you kept looking and piecing more and more together, Malcolm’s discoveries validated your theory.

“She has small cuts around her fingers as if she was picking or biting at them. Her lips look bitten up too.”

“So? It’s New York and it's been cold out. Maybe it's just the weather making her skin dry or somethin’?” JT questioned.

“Check the inside of her cheeks.” You speak up, a bit panicked from the kitchen, finding everything in picturesque form like the rest of the apartment. You had also found the various pills on her counter. One bottle was paroxetine, an SSRI for treating chronic anxiety disorders, making your thoughts race as you realized the possible severity of this case.

“Excuse me?” Gil spoke up, confused as to where you were going. Malcolm had looked away from Wendy to watch you walk back towards them, noticing small psychological hints that the others wouldn’t. Your eyes were flicking to different parts of Wendy, your breathing was slightly shaky, and you had a look that told him that you were trying to keep your cool while your mind was frantic.

You kept your breathing as controlled as you could, but you felt your chest tightening. You know these signs because you have lived through them. You tried to not focus on your hands while you explained your thought process.

“I think this may be a Scarecrow victim.”

Gil walked up next to you, you felt yourself starting to nip at the insides of your cheeks as he whispered “Are you sure? This doesn’t look like it fits his profile. We can’t just throw that out in the air without knowing 100%...”

Malcolm was curious but cautious, so he stayed silent as you went on, keeping a close eye on you to see if you were going to be okay.

“Wendy had anxiety. She--”

“So does most of New York. That doesn’t mean she’s a Scarecrow Vic.” JT quipped.

“Hear her out.” Malcolm defended before giving his attention to you, motioning for you to go on.

“Wendy had anxiety. It could be generalized anxiety disorder, but I think it's more than just ‘generalized.’ You kept saying imperfections and it made me realize how much she valued perfection… and feared imperfection. The fear of imperfection is called Atelophobia. It also means to fear not being good enough.”

You were visually focusing on Wendy’s body, but as you said “phobia” you saw Gil step away, sigh, and run his hand over his face from the corner of your eye. He, and everyone else in the room, were beginning to believe that this was the work of their serial killer. Malcolm knew about the phobia, but kept listening to see how far you could explain before needing help.

“She has her proudest achievements hanging perfectly on her wall to try to validate herself. Her lips are chewed up and there are signs of permanent damage at the skin around her fingers where they’ve been continuously picked at for an extended period of time.”

You subconsciously hold your hands and try to not scratch. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Malcolm.

“Wendy saw or felt when her skin would get dry and start to peel and view those as imperfections, making her pick and bite until she couldn’t anymore. She was trying to get rid of the mistakes.” You paused, trying to keep yourself in check. “And I’m sure if you look at the inside of her cheeks, they’ll be bitten up too.”

You were going to try to explain the mirror set up in correlation to the phobia, but your hands started to shake as you thought about your struggle with anxiety. Malcolm could see that you were unsettled by something and took over, seeing how it all worked together.

“The killer set these mirrors up for the reason we said earlier: to make Wendy see herself. They manipulated her into seeing all of the lines or dots or blemishes or what have you, progressively making her more and more scared of herself. Knowing that this phobia stretches to the idea of not being good enough, the killer most likely pointed out examples of when she messed up. Even the smallest of mistakes could set off Wendy’s spiral. They then gave her a choice to either live in fear and shame or to kill herself. And after exposing her to her phobia so intensely, she chose the gun.”

You just nodded as turned to walk out of the room, not making eye contact with anyone as you quietly said “I need to get some air.”

Gil turned to follow you and see if you were okay, but Malcolm was already on it as he put a hand up to Gil that said, “I got this.”

You found the exit to the alley behind the apartment building and found a spot against the wall to sit, close your eyes, and try to breathe. As soon as you sat down, you unknowingly start picking at the cuticles around your nails, old habits coming back. Your chest was tight and you couldn’t slow down the shirt, quick breaths that fled your panicked lungs.

You heard someone open the door a minute after you and thought nothing of it until you heard someone sit a respectable distance from you. You didn’t bother opening your eyes figuring it was Gil or Dani.

“Hey. If you don’t get your heart rate down, you're going to pass out.”

Your eyes shot open as you realized that Malcolm was the one that came to check on you. After a second, you realized that it made sense why he would come out to try and help. He has a better understanding of psychology than anyone on the team. All you could do was nod your head in understanding because you knew that you had to calm down, but it was just harder than expected.

“Would it help to try to follow my breathing?” You nodded your head, which prompted Malcolm to sit a bit closer next to you against the wall, making his breaths more audible. Slowly but surely, your breathing started to even out. Malcolm reached to his side and produced a water bottle that he had gotten from his car.

“Here. Take a couple small sips. Sorry it’s not cold, but it should still help.”

You did as he said and then started to fidget with the water bottle. It was better than picking more at your fingers.

“So how long have you had dermatillomania?” Malcolm asked cautiously, scared that talking about it might make it worse.

“A majority of my life.” You sighed out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Malcolm was watching you closely, looking for any signs that your anxiety would flare up again. You figured that he was curious and deserved to know how you came to the conclusion at the scene.

“When I was in college, I started seeing a therapist. We thought I had atelophobia. But after a few sessions, we realized that it was a mix of GAD, depression, and ADHD. The dermatillomania is the way most of that energy comes out. It’s mostly in high anxiety situations or when my ADHD is really bad. You have your tremors, I have” you looked down at your hands and realized you had begun picking again and that your finger was now bleeding a little bit. Raising your hands up, you sighed in annoyance, “this bullshit.”

You plopped your hands down in your lap and looked up at the sky, closing your eyes and taking another few frustrated deep breaths.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Without opening your eyes or moving away, you responded. “Well, I figured if anyone on this team was going to understand and respect it, it would be you.” You both half chuckled before you returned your gaze to him. “Thank you for listening and for having my back up there.”

Malcolm waved his hand to dismiss the second part of your thanks and then remembered something. You looked as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a bandaid he had snagged from one of the med kits at the scene. He held out his hand as if to ask for yours. You gently gave it to him and he proceeded to bandage up the fingertip that you had been picking at. Once he finishes, making sure it's not too tight or uncomfortable, he holds your hand for a little bit longer as he speaks his mind.

“I know how bad this job can get for people like us that have mental battles going on. And now that I know at least a little bit of what’s going on, I want you to know that you can come to me for help if you need it. If something in a case isn’t sitting right with you, or you need to go and grab a coffee for a distraction, or even just someone to find a bandaid for you, I’d be happy to lend a helping hand.” He ended with a true and contagious sympathetic smile that you don’t see very often on the face of Malcolm Bright.

“I really appreciate that. I will probably take you up on it.” He nods in contentment. “This offer does go both ways though, Bright.” He looked at you with a slightly tilted head. “I know you have a lot going on in that mind of yours that I may not fully understand, but if there is ever anything I can do to try and make it a bit more pleasant, let me know.”

“Sounds like a deal, (Y/N).” He gives your hand a squeeze before letting go. The two of you sit there in silence, focusing on your breathing together for the next five or so minutes. Without warning, Malcolm stands up and extends his hands out to you with a smile. You give him a questioning look.

“I could actually really go for some good distracting coffee right now, and I would like you to come with me and be equally distracting. If you want.”

You couldn’t help but smile back. There was something about this strange man that made you feel comfortable. And after dealing with your anxiety more than you had hoped for, you find yourself reaching for his hand.

“That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

#prodigal son fandom #prodigal son fanfic #Malcolm Bright x Reader #Malcolm Bright Fic #Malcolm Bright imagine #Malcolm whitly x reader #malcolm whitly fic

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kinnoth · 4 years ago

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AVENGERS INFINITY WAR MEGATHREAD

-really doubt i'm gonna be able to finish this movie so we'll just see where i get to

- we already know how i feel about loki and thor, we don't need to revisit this

- ok but if i were going to revisit this, i mean come on, who wants to talk about "hela draws her power from asgard, same as you" cos i wanna talk about that

like what if that's the reason thor, god of thunder, king to a civilisation of warriors, was unable to fend off like, 4 dudes and a big purple dinosaur? the royal family of asgard draws its power from asgard, and without it, they are weak, they are mortal. maybe that's why heimdall is unable to just, you know, bifrost everybody off the fucking ship the minute it comes under attack. maybe that's why loki can't fucking conjure up a swarm of fucking microscopic knives to fillet the invaders from the inside out. MAYBE THAT'S WHY LOKI TRIES TO KILL THANOS WITH A FUCKING DAGGER. BECAUSE TAKE AWAY HIS POWER, TAKE AWAY HIS GODHOOD, WHAT DOES HE HAVE LEFT OTHER THAN HIS WILE, HIS TRICKS AND HIS BROTHER

WHAT IF IN SAVING THE UNIVERSE AND DESTROYING ASGARD, THEY'VE LOST EVERYTHING INCLUDING WHAT MAKES THEM GODS

somebody talk about this

- etc etc what if the reason loki is unable to attack the purple dinosaur with magic is because when he tackled thor earlier, he used whatever magic he had left to spare in order to heal him

checks out cos thor goes from flat on his face to swinging his fists in the space of like 30 seconds and the only thing to happen to him in between is said bit about loki tackling him

- why does heimdall save hulk? i mean, i could understand it if he were trying to aim the bifrost at thor and somebody somehow knocked off his aim and he accidentally saves hulk, but like, we've established that heimdall's loyalty is to the royal seat of asgard upon whom sits thor's mighty ass. thor who, in this scene, has just been incapacitated by a metal eggshell(?) and is at the mercy of their assailants. given heimdall's priorities, it is baffling to the point of inconceivability that he would preferentially save fucking HULK over his own king.

- if this next scene isn't the guardians of the galaxy coming across thor clutching loki's dead fucking body floating through space then i don't know why any of us are even here

- "he sent loki! the attack on new york was thanos!" makes no sense? like, if loki's scepter had the mind stone in it, which we established it did in the last movie when we broke it open to retrieve vision, then.....why didn't thanos just....take the mind stone in the first place? cos rock collecting is and has always been his goal?

what, do you think that just because you assert a thing makes us forget all the shit that happened before?

- i.....am actually with tony stark. why don't they just destroy the stones they have so that thanos can't get to them? oh, you made a promise? well promises change and circumstances change! you tell him tony! you tell that stupid fucker --

oh my god i'm gonna be ill

- i think the only person whose ego can match tony stark's is probably a neurosurgeon so 👍 i guess

-i love how we immediately went back to the "so dark can't see shit" aesthetic after ragnorak because ensuring that one's audience can SEE what is HAPPENING IN YOUR MOVIE is apparently for radical directors like taika waititi

- cannot believe that tony stark staring at captain america's phone number is being played with the same emotional intensity as thor losing his soulmate entire people

- honestly how many times is the mcu gonna invoke 9/11 imagery til someone calls them out for being terrorists

- lmao i know i said this before but peter's spidey senses tingling AFTER the giant alien anus has already started sucking up new york and it is right outside his window is fucking hilarious. that's just called using your eyeballs peter

- "friday notify first responders about the giant alien anus sucking up new york" lol like the first thing somebody did when the alien anus showed up wasn't to fucking call 911 GREAT IDEA TONY

- still can't believe that they let failed neurosurgeon dr strange do more magic than god of tricks and sorcery loki lol

- i know i rag on dr strange a lot about the fact that he's a neurosurgeon it's just that he sucks.

as a neurosurgeon eyy.

- i hate that peter parker has to be here!!!!! leave him alone!!!!!

- tony stark should not be allowed within 100 feet of children or minorities

- it is very weird to me that steve "brooklyn" rogers has an area code from georgia

- since when was hela a half-sister? ODIN'S DAUGHTER AND THOR'S BLOODED SIBLINGS OR BUST YOU FUCKING COWARDS

- i am very disappointed that thor is going to go get another weapon after we spent the whole last movie talking about how he is not the god of hammers

- i just need thor to have much more PTSD than he has right now. fucking hulk has ptsd. maybe they're saving the ptsd for later. one can only hope.

- i am glad that they are letting him be cleverer though

- THEY ARE LETTING VISION DATE A TEENAGER WHY

GOD. FUCKING GROSS.

- wait when did vision turn into a white man again? did i miss that movie?

- i am disappointed that vision the computer techno robot apparently has a penis. like what a stupid limitation to give your computer techno robot, gender. 🙄

- i think that the mass destruction of infrastructure and architecture in the MCU is because of the pg13 no blood limitation that disney has set? like there's no way to show destruction to the body, so one may only show the exponential destruction to one's surroundings. like imagine how much more dramatic intensity you could wring out of a regular fight scene would be if people were allowed to bleed?

- cannot believe that a computer techno robot and a witch are having a punch up with the bad guys. of all people to fight with something not their fists, it's these two

- wanda has no enhanced strength or durability? she's a regular teenager who's a bit witchy. the first time she got thrown through a glass door should have shattered her vertebrae. again i don't understand why we insist that everybody must have the same powers and capabilities when it's clear they don't. think about how much more interesting it would be if some avengers were more fragile than others and had to be given accommodations as such

- IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO ME THAT FUCKING BLACK WIDOW (regular human), CAPTAIN AMERICA (enhanced human), AND FALCON (regular human with wings) CAN DEFEAT THE CHILDREN OF THANOS WHEN THOR COULDN'T UNLESS THOR (god of fucking thunder carved of steel and stone) WAS NERFED

- still don't understand how we'll lend aliens afro features but not afro hair, like, seriously? you're gonna dream up green aliens with gills who look like black people but imagining them with black hair is a step too far?

- the gap of commentary in this liveblog is simply because i do not care at all for the galaxy defenders

- "earth just lost her best defender" who? who does captain america consider earth's best defender? it's not thor; he doesn't know thor's presumed dead. it's not tony; he doesn't know tony's on an alien anus. who else has died so far?

- love how exhausted bucky looks. have always loved how exhausted bucky looks. love bucky.

- i forgot that tony was with peter parker. god i hate that.

- "i'm peter btw"

"dr strange"

"oh you're using the made up names then. i'm spider man"

ok that was cute, but peter's cute, we knew that already

- i want to fling both strange and stark into space and i'm having a hard time deciding which one to push first

- "you went to bed hungry, scraping for scraps" oohhhh thanos is just anti-poor people, he would literally rather poor people be dead than struggle, i get it nowww

this is on brand for mcu

- oh my god thanos gets 2/6 stones by torturing siblings in front of other siblings, seriously? you couldn't come up with 6 different ways to find his stupid rocks you had to reuse one twice?

- which one of thor's friends was stabbed through the heart....? fandral??

- "if i don't get my vengeance what more could i lose" more like what else is there eh? what else is there for a king of no people but their vengeance?

- CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GAVE HIM BACK AN EYEBALL JESUS CHRIST IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THOR RAGNORAK JUST SAY SO YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING

VEHICLE FOR AUTHORITARIANISM, NOTHING IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE, FUCK YOUR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I GOT MINE

FUCK

- i do enjoy that thor is now science fiction rather than fantasy, i don't think anybody knew what to do with fantasy cos fantasy is again, ultimately about conservatism and the status quo. so i do like that we're embracing the new and boundless for whatever that's worth.

- marvel is a cesspool of toxic masculinity. at no point are characters allowed to actually feel anything because weakness is uncool i guess and therefore unmanful. like thor lost ALL OF HIS PEOPLE. fucking ALL of them. he watched his brother die in order to save him. he is not allowed a single fucking response of mourning. i don't care if he's pushing it back because revenge or whatever, this is the sort of grief that rules you, which will bring all your load bearing structures down to heel, and they let him do nothing; he does not even rage. perfect control. smooth witticisms. why. why aren't we allowed to see his sadness?

- yo i can't believe red skull is a scifi villain now lol space nazis for real

- OH MY GOD THEY WASHED BUCKY'S WIG AND IT LOOKS SO BAD

- michael b jordan was right btw wakanda is complicit in africa's exploitation

- i do LIKE black panther i guess in the way you technically like that cousin you met once when you were like 9 and never saw again?

i like how we have here in wakanda the sears tower (chicago), the batman building (nashville), and the gherkin (london)

- ok but like, presumably not a death cult super technologically advanced wakandans who are deffo made of human flesh and human blood still arm their people with spears

i mean unless wakanda is also a death cult

why is this chicks entire fucking face cgi'd she looks like a fucking cut scene video game character

- oh ok they have LASER spears, ok

so then why did they give bucky a fucking gun

- what is bucky supposed to be able to contribute here exactly, like fucking, again, he's spycraft isn't he? he's a one man, dead of night, operation go loud and then immediately silent kinda operation. why do they have him on the front lines of a fucking lock-step formation battle??

- "it will be the noblest ending in history" WHAT, FIRST COUNTRY TO EVER BE OVERUN BY ALIEN JACKALS??

- stormbreaker is just leviathan axe, somebody's said this already right

- omfg i'm so glad they're finally acknowledging that thor is OP as fuck and does not belong amongst the fucking squabbles of earth

-"titan was like most planets, too many mouths to feed not enough to go around, so i proposed a plan, dispassionate to rich and poor alike" JUST SAY YOU HATE POOR PEOPLE MCU. YOU CANNOT HAVE RICH AND POOR, YOU CANNOT HAVE DISPARITY, YOU CANNOT HAVE SOME WITH TOO MUCH AND OTHERS WITH NOT ENOUGH AND CALL IT EXTINCTION. THAT IS NOT A QUESTION OF OVERTAXED RESOURCES THAT IS A QUESTION OF RESOURCE FUCKING MANAGEMENT. IT IS AN ARTIFICIAL CRISIS IF THERE EXISTS ENOUGH TO GO AROUND BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST HOARDING IT THAT'S WHEN YOU KILL THOSE PEOPLE AND TAKE THEIR SHARE. KILLING HALF THE PEOPLE IS THE KIND OF FUCKING SOLUTION TO INEQUALITY THAT RICH PEOPLE COME UP WITH

GOD. ITS LIKE NONE OF YOU EVER READ

-you've got the big fucking boss in an ambush AND YOU ATTACK HIM WITH A MAGIC SWORD STEVEN STRANGE?????

THIS FRANCHISE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO UTILISE MAGIC USERS FUCKING HELL

- when will somebody please utilise ironman like the one man artillery he fucking is WHY IS HE FIGHTING WITH HIS STUPID FISTS HE IS LITERALLY ONE CONTINUOUS CARPET BOMB JUST USE HIM THAT WAY

cut of his arm CUT OFF HIS ARM YOU BLOODLESS SPINELESS USELESS FUCKING CUNTS . this is a manufactured crisis, KIND OF LIKE THE ONES THANOS LIKES I GUESS LOL

- dr strange could have very easily prevented or stopped quill from punching thanos but he didn't cos i guess even the movie forgets steven strange exists sometimes

- i like that the shield around wakanda has the same weakness as a poorly constructed chicken coop -- you always build into the ground a couple feet to stop the diggers man, come on, what is this, your first energy shield?

- oh disgusting, a girl boss moment. whatever you're all fascists.

- nobody adores martial might like fascists do fucking change my mind

- " avengers: not one person in this fucking cast is able to stomach ANY AMOUNT of personal sacrifice" more like

- "why did you give away the time stone?" "we are in the endgame" THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER THAT'S A FUCKING MOVIE TEASER FUCK YOU

- why didn't strange just trap thanos in a timeloop again? we've already established that is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with planetary annihilation. IS IT POSSIBLY BECAUSE NOBODY ON THIS WRITING STAFF KNOWS HOW TO DEAL WITH MAGIC

- THOR OP BLIZZARD PLS NERF

-CAPTAIN MARVEL SERIOUSLY THAT'S WHO YOU'RE GONNA SEND YOUR LAST PAGE TO JESUS FUCKING DISGUSTING

#the asshole liveblogs #avengers infinity war #internal thor tag

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years ago

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13. Exposing the Void Pt. 1

A lot of this chapter is straight up Simon’s thoughts, so it gets jumbled and possibly confusing. Let me know if there’s parts where things are unclear (most likely in those times, we’re inside of Simon’s thoughts). Word Count: 5969. Trigger Warnings: Self harm, child death, child abuse, mental instability, mental abuse, dehumanization, betrayal, delusions, intrusive thoughts...

This chapter was actually the hardest for me to write in this story, thus far. And please keep in mind that in this space, there is no ableism allowed. So, refrain from using terms about psychosis or mental illness as insults towards the characters. The purpose is not to blame Simon’s actions on poor mental health or to excuse his behavior due to his trauma. The purpose is to understand a story in a world where mental illness is not necessarily the cause of why some people do evil things, but is sometimes a factor (not usually, as mentally ill people are generally more likely to hurt themselves than others), but yes, there are occasions where our psychosis can led to dangerous outbursts. Please don’t use the phrase “Go psycho” when referring to any variation of Simon Laurent, even this one. Thank you.

Simon was getting a tattoo. He’d already decided that much. He didn’t know of what, but he was convinced that he would think of something. It seemed healthier than self harm, at least… and a professional would mark him in this scenario.

He had a full course on his schedule, additional hours of extracurricular activities and work, plus interviews and maintaining his website. Plenty to do to keep his mind off of it - the void. His nostrils flared just thinking about it. Sometimes, he found himself checking social media for updates from a backup account. He had been blocked under his personal and professional ones. But, it wasn’t back. The last post was the same post that had been shared to each of them by its team.

“Hello, Apex Members. On behalf of The Internet’s Honey, Miss Grace Monroe, we would like to express the sincerest apologies for the negativity that has been spread and for the things that Miss Monroe stands accused of. She is seeking help at a secure location, and it is our hope that she will return to you soon, in all of her glory, fully restored, healthy and well.”

The comments were thousands of “Fuck Grace Monroe. She’s cancelled.” etc. He had been amused before, but the more comments that were added, the more numb he became to them. He was numb to many things… still somehow… it left its mark on him. He pulled up his sleeve and looked at his tallies… it left several. “Fuck Grace Monroe,” he whispered, shook his head and said in a louder, more confident tone, “Fuck the void.” A little mantra before his early AM classes.

Whenever he got home, though… He went through a range of emotions for a while. Everybody lies to me. Everybody leaves me… Even when nothing had anything to do with this thought process, if he wasn’t focused deeply on something else, there were the thoughts. Sometimes, even when he WAS working on something else. The thing about living alone and being at home was that he had a lot of time to get trapped in his harmful thoughts, and no Grace there to ease things. Not anymore.

It started with his mother. She was only going to be gone “for a little while.”

Simon wasn't confident in his abilities to watch himself AND a younger person. He was a cub scout and even a careful child, but he knew that Hope could be a handful, sometimes even for their parents. “I don’t think I can watch Hope, Mom.”

“Oh, of course you can, Simon!” She cheered. “It’s only for a little, short, while, and you’re my capable little man.”

Hope laughed and said, “He’s not a man. He’s Simon.”

“If Mom says I’m a man, then I am!”

Their mom clarified, “He’s a big boy who gets to be man of the house when Mommy and Daddy aren’t here. Mommy’s Little Man. You’ve got this, Si. Like I said, only a little while.” She tousled his hair and filled him with confidence that he had not had a few minutes prior… then she was gone for what felt like forever.

18 year old Simon knew that she had only been gone for 2 hours, but as a 10 year old watching a 4 year old who didn’t want to be watched by a “fake man,” it seemed like a lengthy stretch of time. With Hope doing things that she knew she shouldn’t, taunting him by telling him that he’s a fake man and that’s why he couldn’t stop her, and whenever she tried to go into the attic, that was the last straw. He had gotten really mad at her. She had been teasing him, calling him a fake man, a little baby, a small, small Simon… He didn’t mean to hurt her, but he was offended by her name calling. He was only going to drag her into her room and make her have a time out.

18 year old him knew that he was angry when he grabbed her by the back of her shirt, as hard as he could, upset with her, but also needing to get her off of the ladder and into her room. 10 year old him yanked her off of the ladder and flung her to the floor beneath them with rage. She let out a screaming laugh whenever she went flying down, but when she hit the floor… she became silent.

Simon shook his head. That wasn’t my fault. I was a child! The void had been right about that. “Who leaves a 10 year old home alone with a 4 year old?” He heard her voice ask, when they were kids. More than that - Who tells a boy that young that he is trusted with the life of a smaller child? That he’s “a man” because you need a little favor? Two. Hours!

He still didn’t know how long he had sat there trying to wake Hope up before their mother came back or where she was at that time, but wherever she was, he hoped she thought about it every single day that she tried to blame him. He hoped it ate away at her and corrupted her from the inside out until her health faded and her heart stopped. He didn’t always feel that way.

When he was 10, he blamed himself. He loved his mother. He wanted her back. He wanted to be her little man again, even though he failed her. He was still so young and confused, and nobody was helping him to understand it all. He couldn’t answer why he didn’t call 911. He was scared. He was crying. He... just didn’t think about it at the time. He hadn’t been prepared for an emergency.It was supposed to just be a little while! I was supposed to be the man of the house. Nothing bad was supposed to happen on my watch...

It continued with his father. So furious with his wife’s decision that he couldn’t stand to share the same breathing space with her most of the time. Unfortunately, that also meant not sharing it with Simon. He told Simon that he didn’t blame him. He lied. Some part of him had to, because otherwise, why would he have left him with the woman who had been so irresponsible that they already lost one child? Because… he died in his father’s eyes that night, too. The man was just too much of a coward to admit it. So, he just… left.

And Grace… He almost started crying, but shook his head and shook her it out of his mind. “Void,” he said and clenched his fists. Still… He missed her it. She It was the only thing that used to be able to get his mind off of his family, his pain, his guilt, his rage…

For so long, she it was the only thing. Now, he was left to just force himself to live through this. He was better off. It was going to stop his full potential. It had already stunted him so much. He spent years building a fortress for it and throwing himself in front of everything that came its way. Never again.

After they began officially dating, she was acting weird and he let it go. This was new for both of them and she was still trying to figure out her sexuality. He thought he was extremely understanding about her characteristics. As a matter of fact, up until the moment that he realized that she was a liar, he found no flaws in her at all. He loved all of her, perfect in every way and in the ways that she wasn’t, he never took notice. He just re-imaged those things as perfect, because they were things that were of Grace. Being a snobby, rich bitch - fine. Being lazy and irresponsible, sure. Being wishy-washy and confusing… he didn’t love that, but he accepted it and always assumed that maybe he was mistaken, or maybe she was the confused one in those moments. He never thought that she was deceiving him. Now, it was all that he could think about.

How many lies she must have told him over the years, how much of his childhood and adolescence was built upon those lies… He had to try to void everything that he had ever known her to be from his life, and from his mind.

“Do you not love me?”

“I do!”

Had he not been so blinded by his love, he would have known that she didn’t mean it. He would have heard it in her tone. He would have seen it in her eyes. “The void was just that good,” he told himself. “It tricked everyone. You watched it work for so long, you thought that you were exempt. It cares about nothing but itself.”

She seemed like she was withdrawing from him. He didn’t want to see it at the time, but he knew what that looked like. He couldn’t stop his mother from doing it. He couldn’t stop his father from doing it. He couldn’t even keep the pet cat around! How does one even run off an animal?

The point was… he saw Grace leaving. He saw her packing up. He saw her setting out. He did everything he could possibly think of to prevent it, even before she realized that she was leaving. But, when somebody wants to get away from you, they’ll do whatever you let them do to get away. She should have thanked him. He not only let her go, but he removed her completely. That’s what she wanted, anyway. She made that decision herself. “The void would have taken everything from you. Everything you worked for. Everything you’ve built. Everything you set in place to manage without the liars, the leavers, the lost ones…”

She first began slipping away from him before they became official. She started having problems with things that she didn’t have problems with previously… Honestly, she started the moment that she chose to leave him behind to tour for the summer when they were 15. The previous 5 years, she had plenty of times she could have went on the road. She either blew off her auditions or she didn’t push herself as hard. She had said that she could show off her skills on the Internet and have just as big of a following, if not a bigger one than if she built a resume of dance troupes and traveling ballet. She even forfeited the chance to be in a Broadway production, because she was worried that she’d never get to see him again. Then, when they were 15… It became more important to her than him.

He tried not to take it personally, because she had sacrificed plenty of opportunities for him before. But, it was a bad time for him, and a busy time and… he needed her. He always needed her back then. He had never been prepared to not have her. Sure, he could have went with her, like she wanted, but if HE put off his things, he didn’t have rich parents to fall back on. He didn’t have parents to fall back on, period. She… was in more of a position to give up her goals… but she had decided not to. That was fair. He told himself many times every day that was fair and she deserved to choose herself sometime. She came back changed… or maybe he changed without her there. That much doesn’t matter, right now. What matters is that he TRIED to fix them. She leaned more into these changes. These changes that could tear them apart. Changes that would leave him lonely again, for the first time in years.

Grace was working on her music career junior year. After the tour, she had connections that she didn’t want to go cold. She would throw herself into those and into creation while Simon was working on a future that he still hoped was for both of them. He was working his ass off for them, but in hindsight, she was working hers off for herself. After she was Simon’s girlfriend, at school, things felt different for her. Everybody treated her exactly the same way that they always had, but everything was just different.

Simon was either more social than she knew him to be, or had gotten that way overnight. Then again… He was in StuCo and held a position… so he had the social skills to at least win people over. She supposed that she hadn’t noticed because he was the one who she always had to talk out of a fight. He was more than that, of course, but… she guessed that she hadn’t realized how many friends he must’ve had, because he was doing a lot and having to leave her behind, most of the time.

Most times, he gave her a quick rundown of what type of stuff he had to do for the day, kissed her on the cheek, promised to see her later and rushed off. She chalked it up to the busy schedule that he had been speaking about for this year, at least a year in advance, and didn’t think much of it. At least, whenever they had space, she didn’t have to wonder what to do next. She didn’t have to decide if she should be sitting in his lap like his friend’s girlfriend, or in between his legs like that girl across the way, or straddling him like Shana sometimes did whoever she was dating, or… sit there, with her book, pretending not to see any of it and smiling at Simon whenever they made eye contact.

Simon was always studying her, surveying, making inventory of her expressions and potential emotions. She could feel him investigating and she didn’t know what to do with that. He didn’t know what to do with his findings… Why was she so uncomfortable when he looked at her? Why did she shy away from his gaze? What was wrong with her that she didn’t want his attention? She always wanted attention… it was basically her identity! Not only did she start to seemingly have problems with his attention, but also the rest of the world’s attention.

Being trapped in her room most of the time meant more work on her music. Anytime she posted something new, someone always showed up to remind others of how she "accosted an innocent woman on the train and threatened to ruin her life if she sought justice" and that she "is actually a terrible person." Sure, her fans defended her, but her focus was stuck on the negative feedback. Simon told her, “Don’t worry about those nulls. You’re Apex royalty. They’re scrubs.” He wasn’t remotely concerned about it.

Simon had asked himself if he had defended her to them, would things have been different between them… but the previous times he had defended her, she got mad at him! It took him days to get her back to normal, and even then, she seemed tepid. She was letting a bunch of strangers on the Internet doubt herself.

“She let a bunch of nulls weigh in on her confidence, then she got made at ME for agreeing with her parents that it was weak of her. It was! The Apex doesn’t care about the opinions of nulls!” He realized that he was speaking of the void like it was a person again. Personifying it. Humanizing it. That was sometimes difficult not to do. He would tap into his disappointment, hurt, and anger and he knew it was because of this rot that had spread in his life for years.

But, every now and then a glimmer of her smile, her smell, her softness would hit him in the heart and he would forget about it temporarily. For a few moments, she would be the love of his life again… “It doesn’t care about you. It never did. The void is a parasite. It would have poisoned everything, if you hadn’t cut the head off and incapacitated it.”

He glanced over at a mannequin head designed to look like it. It had given him the idea, inadvertently whenever it jokingly accused him of being a life size figurine of himself. Immediately, he thought - I’ve gotta make her one of those! It was a passion project, and of course, he didn’t have a lot of time to work on it, but the head was complete by the time it showed itself as the hollow it was.

Grace felt like she hadn’t smiled for real in a while. Nobody really noticed. The Apex didn’t know her that well. Simon didn’t have time for her. Her parents probably never cared. She went into town with her flock of girls, these days. She felt like Simon was sending them to be around her and she didn’t know if that was sweet or creepy. But, she ditched them at the mall to go to see him. He was at work that night, at the learning center. He had a job helping to tutor struggling kids - one that his credits as a student tutor at the Academy, his grades, his position as one of the students enrolled in the early college program, and a recommendation from Mr. Monroe got him hired at, despite the fact that most of the staff here were actual educators.

They didn’t even know about the fact that Simon had started a business of doing people's homework, projects, sometimes their tests from the time he was 11 until he was 15. He was definitely qualified for tutoring, but it was her father’s recommendation that really gave him the edge over actual teachers. He was satisfied enough there. He still did a project or two for the rich kids when he could squeeze something in, for extra cash. He was saving up to move out of his dad’s house. Now that his mother was at her mother’s, his dad was considering leaving the military and coming home. Simon didn’t want to be around for that, but there never seemed to be enough money for anything. That was his “adult” experience… Working all of the time, going to school, barely hanging on to his sanity, and yet being so broke that had his father not still been paying the bills, he knew he might be homeless and starving… so it was presumable that's how he might live once Mr. Laurent got back.

He couldn't ask the Monroes for more help. They had practically been taking care of him for the past two years. Mr. Monroe, at least, had been helpful in ways that Simon couldn’t describe. Sure, he believed he would have figured things out for himself , but thanks to the Monroes, he hadn't had to. He intended to pay them back eventually, but for now, he worked hard and loved Grace with everything else he had.

"Hey." He heard her say, walking in with a bag and a cup holder. His smile was wide and his eyes lit up. That made her reflexively smile back. How many of those smiles were fake, he’d have to wonder for as long as he couldn’t shake her out of his mind. “Ditched the girls to bring you dinner. Didn’t know if you’d have a chance to get to some on your own.”

He checked the time on his phone, “Actually, you’re right on time. I was about to go into the computer room and work on homework before I head out.”

“Yeah! Great timing is a thing that I definitely usually don’t have.”

They went into the breakroom to eat and Simon was on his phone, furrowing his eyebrows and blocking people in Grace’s comments. She glanced over and saw, then sank in her seat, not wanting to think about her latest post. “This sounds really good, Grace,” he told her. And he meant it. The vocal coach that she had began to see so that she could confidently transition into singing was paying off. It wasn’t that she sounded bad before, but her voice was pretty bland and she didn’t seem to be able to find her range on her own.

“I wish the audience thought that,” she said, with a sigh. The Internet was making her depressed and isolated. Every thing that she shared came with thousands of critics. As someone used to only either being complimented or ignored, criticism hurt a little more than she would have expected. Perhaps because she was too popular and therefore attracted more feedback than a person probably should have to be faced with at 16.

Regardless of that, Simon shrugged and said, “Anybody who doesn’t like it doesn’t have to listen to it. They’re there, so they obviously wanted to hear the song. Besides, I see way more support than hate.”

“Maybe so, but there’s a LOT of hate, and it’s very aggressive and hurtful. Like… I don’t understand why me trying out a new song and someone not liking it can’t just be scrolled by. Why did this girl have to tell me: Ugh. Everybody tries to be a singer. You’re a lip gloss model, Honey. Keep doing that. Beautiful gowns.”

“Because, she’s a bitch,” Simon said and took a bite of his sandwich. Grace let out an irritated sigh that caused him to look up from his phone. “What?”

“You just… don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get? The song sounds good. You have excellent equipment. You wrote pretty clever lyrics, did your own music, sang and was proud enough of your work to share it with the world. Now that a few birds have come squawking, you no longer see the greatness in what you shared? I know you wouldn't have posted it if you didn’t think it was perfect. So, I get it more than you do. You’re distracted by someone with a crooked wig on in her profile picture?”

Grace looked at the profile picture and saw that the woman’s wig definitely had been sadly placed onto her head. She laughed about it and laughed at herself a little too… but this was always Simon’s reaction to her venting about the people that made her feel bad. He’d basically make her feel a little bit worse by not acknowledging that her feelings were valid and by pointing out how insignificant her critics were. The simple fact that he had a point, that they were nulls, and she was letting them upset her only made her feel worse, which she couldn’t tell him because he didn’t seem to take her feeling bad that seriously anyway.

She knew it was because she had always prided herself on being strong and not caring what people thought about her… but she was handled a lot differently outside of her echo chamber. The Internet was global and her following was high, but some of the people who followed her seemed to do it just to see what to complain about, just to make a dent in her day. They succeeded, too. But, the only person she could admit it to just told her to suck it up.

“I’m thinking about going to a performing arts college,” she said. Simon dropped his phone and stared at her. She smiled awkwardly and said, “I mean… You’re preparing pretty hardcore for college and I’ve dived into this music thing. Maybe, I ought to be more serious about it and actually get the official credentials..”

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“I’m thinking of trying to go to Julliard.” He relaxed a little bit at that. Juilliard was in New York. That would be farther from him than he would like, but if he was at MIT, that would be about an hour away and if he was at Princeton… well… That would be 3 hours, or more… but… He had enough time to put these things into his planning and decision making. “Or… I might go uh, overseas.” Now, his frown was embedded in all of his features. “If I can’t get into the best one in the world, I’m going to shoot for the next best… that’s in Austria…” She bit her lip, waiting for his demeanor to change, hoping that he just had to think about it for a moment. His demeanor did change, but he seemed further away from what she wanted of him at the moment. “What brought this on?” He asked.

“Just… want to get more serious about my craft. Sure, I can spend hours and hours a day working on choreography and songs, training with some of the best professionals in the entire world, but people are still coming onto my dance video posts and saying things like, “I didn’t know that Grace Monroe could dance! I love her more now!” Didn’t know that I could dance? That’s like… the ONE THING that I can do with complete confidence! I’m trying to get my music career started when my first talent isn’t even recognized…”

“It IS recognized! It’s recognized ALL of the time. You’re just so focused on the dregs that don’t recognize, that you’re willing to go 4000 miles away from me, for years, to impress strangers on the Internet who probably STILL won’t fuck with you, because most of the people inciting you are people who just don’t like you, Grace!” He let out a chuckle of disbelief, but she hated it.

“Don’t laugh,” she said, very seriously.

“I’m not laughing,” he said, shook his head, then slumped back in his seat, resting his face in his palm as he tried to collect himself.

"How could you have possibly taken everything that I just told you about how I'm feeling and what I intend to try to do about that and just… make it about you?"

He uncovered his face to look at hers. She looked like she was going to cry. He hated when she cried. It was too far away from her normal… at least it used to be. She was crying more and more lately. Sometimes from the littlest things.

"If you can't see how much a decision like that will affect both of us, then I'm not sure if I currently am in the mood to explain it to you."

"Whenever I shared my thoughts about how much people were hurting my feelings, you didn't care about how that could affect the both of us. You just expected me to deal with it on my own. This is my idea for how I deal with that."

He leaned his elbows on the small table, steepled his fingers and rested his head against his hands. She wants to leave you. She’s using the excuse that people are hurting her feelings so that she can leave you and never come back. She never wanted you. She made that clear and you refused to see it. You thought that it was your brain being mean to you. She lied to you. She never loved you and she never wanted you. Now, she’s pretending that worthless people make her feel bad… She would rather look WEAK to you than to stay with you…

“Simon?” She said. He scoffed. Fake concern. Don’t let her trick you with her soft voice. She’s venomous. She let you love her because she was bored, and now, she’s trying to abandon you like everyone else. “Simon,” she said, more stern. Drown her out. Drown her out. Drown her out. Drown her… “Simon!” She had gotten up and turned his face to look at her with her palm. She made him look into her eyes and he was powerless again. “Where’d you go?” She asked, smiling nervously.

“Did I do something wrong? Why do you want to leave me?” He asked, in a small voice. Maybe his brain was being mean right now. Maybe… it was all a misunderstanding? PLEASE, JUST TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND THAT I’M OVERREACTING! I. WILL. BELIEVE. YOU.

“No. I did. I thought that I was ready to introduce myself to the world and now that the world knows me, there’s people out there who can’t stand me and I just… I don’t know how to do with that. In real life, they at least pretend to like me, you know?”

She rubbed her hands together anxiously. Lies. She can’t possibly care about the way these strangers feel. She’s Grace Monroe. She knows that she’s invincible. Caring about the movements of ants is futile… “Okay… What do you need me to do to fix it?” He asked, trying to ignore his brain’s warnings.

“Just, support me? I just want to take a step back from all the Internet music, maybe keep creating and try to get into a studio with something I’m proud of, instead of posting onto my websites, and… I really want to try to go to school, just to be more confident that I really do belong in the industry and that I’m not just Internet famous because I was a pretty face with the best organic lip gloss.”

“Support you… leaving me,” he said.

She couldn’t pick up any emotion. It was like something had settled in his mind. Something that he didn’t let her know. “It would be temporary, Simon. Just like whenever you thought you would have to go to the military after graduation.”

“I recall very minimal support from you in regards to that.”

“Yeah, well… I stick by what I said. Our military is a global terrorist, oppressing and destroying civilization in mostly Brown nations. Juilliard is hardly like that, and I most likely will get in! I don’t think I'll HAVE to go to Austria. I wanted to be clear that it’s an option. I just meant the time that we’ll be apart. Plus, I’d send for you if you ever need to see me.” She knelt beside him, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. He froze in place. She NEVER kisses you on the lips. She always moves her face to make you kiss her on the cheek, or the nose, or… something. She’s placed her hand between your mouths, before! You can’t ignore this any further. It’ll break your heart. You’ve lost her. There’s a void where your Grace once was… Tears fell down Simon’s cheeks as he stared at Grace’s confused face.

She wiped them away with her thumbs and as his tears were being cleared away, so was her face. He just saw a blurry form in front of him, a dark shadow, with an aura of smoke. He looked terrified. She turned to look behind her, alarmed by his reaction, thinking something was hovering over her. She definitely felt a switch of things in the atmosphere. She didn’t see anything though. Simon did.

A void. It stood in front of him, speaking with Grace’s voice and trying to pass itself off as the girl he’d loved for as long as he knew her. That girl was obviously gone. No longer fit for him. No longer fit for the Apex. “Okay.” He said, suddenly fine, as far as she could tell. “I’ll support you.” She offered him a small, confused smile, but he didn’t return it. He didn’t even look at her again. He collected their trash, threw it out and took her hand, “I’ll get you home.

Simon was silent the entire way to the Monroe’s estate. He didn’t get out to get her door, or walk her to the mansion, or talk with her father, so she knew that even though he said he was okay with her decision, that he wasn’t. It was best to just give him his space to work it out, she thought. She thought wrong... Simon tensed up whenever she kissed him on the cheek goodnight. As soon as she got out of the car, he peeled away, vigorously wiping the Apex red lip print from his face. She didn’t deserve to grant anybody that mark anymore.

He drove with trembling hands and lips, talking to himself, arguing with himself about Grace. Grace that once hunted down his bullies with him because she thought he was the most important person in the world. Grace who had threatened anyone who so much as said something rude to him in passing. Grace... who used to want to be near him, and have his back. The Grace that couldn’t stand the thought of being anywhere without him at her side... She was as dead to him as Hope was.

Speaking of... This had began right around the time that she brought him to the cemetery. Was it related? Had Hope somehow reached over and taken her vengeance on him by stealing away his Grace and replacing her with this dark spirit? This ghost? This VOID??? He pulled into the garage of his house, crying again. He left his backpack in the car. He wasn’t going to be doing anymore work that night. He passed the shrine that his father had in the workspace every time he pulled in, but usually, he avoided looking at it. Tonight, he paused and stared at her face. He... had forgotten it. He looked at the photos, wondering if she always looked that way? Not the angel that he remembered dying, but something sinister, smiling joyously at him as he shriveled in pain. “Did you do this?” He asked her. He could hear her laughs in his mind from that night. Her taunting him, making him feel like he wasn’t enough. “I didn’t mean it, Hope! It was an accident!” he yelled at the photos.

“Fake man! Fake man! Wook at the widdle baby man! Can’t catch me! You’re not a man! Mommy lied! Mommy lied!”

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to. I didn’t... Please, just... stop.” He whispered, crying more than he had in a long time. Her photos began to move, to cackle, to point at him and call him a baby man... He roared and punched the display, breaking the glass of the frame, which fell on it’s face, bounced off of the desk and crashed to the floor. Now, it was covered in blood. Only a bit of it was from his fist... the rest seemed to be seeping from the cracks in the frame. Like... he had killed Hope, all over again. He picked up a shard of the glass and clenched it in his fist. This was too much. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. This was his mind messing with him, He needed to center himself.

He raised his sleeve and looked at all of the tally marks that he had made for his Grace and he began to add on to them. “1 You are stronger than anybody you know. 2 You are smarter than anybody you know. 3 You can survive losing Grace. 4 Only you can get rid of the void that swallowed her whole. 5 You owe the Apex to get rid of the void. 6 You can do anything. 7 There’s nobody who could stop you. 8 You’re on your own now, but that’s for the best. 9 No one will hold you back. 10 No one can hurt you again, because everyone you loved is gone...” He took a deep breath, looked at the broken frame and threw his piece of glass on top of it. He didn’t even care about cleaning it up. The girl in the photo couldn’t hurt him anymore. And neither could the one in his memories... The one that he used to call Grace, “The void,” he said, going into the house.

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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