#and the abusive situation we were in was teaching us that isolation was key for safety and maybe in that situation it was

[blue-brain-system]

Just got fucking emotional thinking about the kids who continued to reach out after I pulled away. Who came and knocked on my door so many times even after all I said was no. I’m so sorry a system you weren’t a part of was teaching me that isolation and escapism was the only safety. Thank you for caring enough to come and call. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.

[moonstones-and-stardust]

Hello all, I thought that this was an important topic to cover. Red flags are something that we all hear about. However, I don't think that it's something that is often explain. It's either something deliberately sought out or something that someone learns the hard way. Communication is a beneficial tactic and people standing up for themselves is often a core concept of feminism. Even if it's just making sure that someone is treating you properly.

While the statement seems redundant, this is something that can happen to anyone in any form of relationship. Perhaps the topic could spread some light on relationships with another person.

1. Moving too fast

After being in a relationship with someone for just a short period of time. Moving too fast is when they will attempt to pressure the other party into doing something before they are ready. Examples include having sex or moving in together. If someone is pressuring another person into a sexual encounter be aware that they don't fully care about consent. Nothing less than enthusiastic consent is okay. If the person manages this then be aware they will step on other boundaries or keep pressuring for sex.

In the concept of moving in together, it is often to put the other in a position where they are either contractually obligated to stay or in a position where the other might have power over them. If someone is pressuring for another to move in before they are ready, it's good to be wary of that individual and say that the pressure is not okay. If the reaction is poor then their intent often is as well.

2. Stepping on boundaries

If someone is willing to ignore boundaries it'll come up quickly in any kind of relationship. It's also the easiest for people to ignore. Oftentimes society teaches that someone putting up boundaries is something to push to change. We all have our own comfort zones and when they are too be crossed is entirely up to the person and what they want to do.

Someone making continuing comments about how someone else lives their life when it in no way hurts or affects them is not alright. Especially when asked to stop. When this is ignored it is creating a clear feeling of 'my words are more important than your feelings, so shut up and take it.'

Partners, friends, and parents overstepping boundaries is a huge issue. It's a basic idea of autonomy and respect. Might I add that this is especially important for parents. The idea of 'my house, my rules' comes to mind. While yes, it's reasonable to expect someone to help around the house. That doesn't give another person the right to invade their privacy. This is saying that parents do not see children as independent or able to think in any way. And that loss of control can be extremely damaging to egos that are frail. The same goes for friendships or partnerships. If people cannot accept their faults, then there is room for improvement.

3. Attempts at isolation

Isolation can be an extremely dangerous and scary thing once someone successfully puts this into motion. There are a lot of different ways that this can be put into use.

The easiest to understand is physical isolation. Pushing for someone to be alone with another when they aren't comfortable. Such as only hanging out one on one. Sure, this might be easy for someone who has social shyness, however, it becomes an issue when the other feels obligated to spend all their time with that one person. Even forgoing time with other friends and family to be there for one reason or another.

Emotional isolation, often used in cases where someone tells another they have suicidal thoughts or depression to manipulate them into staying. These are real issues and should be taken seriously. That does not give another person the right to emotionally isolate another for their own personal therapist. Some people even use this type of manipulation to pressure someone to be in a romantic relationship with others who are not interested. They feel as though this is all on them to keep that person alive. When in truth they should be seeking some form of professional help.

4. Secrecy/Forgoing safety

The title says a lot here. Secrecy in a relationship is understandable in some situations. Should the persons involved be in some kind of danger to their safety or livelihoods. This does not apply when two people have been in an ongoing relationship and a partner has been refusing to make it public in any form. This continues to grow in ease in the modern day with technology. Be aware, if someone is dating more than one person at a time without the other knowing. It is not the fault of the other person they are dating. It is solely the responsibility of the person that is cheating and those who take steps to deceive unaware parties.

Forgoing safety relates to sexual activities. There's nothing wrong with sex, it can be enjoyable and liberating for people involved. Doing so safely is greatly important. A partner who doesn't want to take all safety measures involved is thinking more of their pleasure than future outcomes.

Testing for Sti's. This is extremely important for young couples before they have unprotected sex. One person refusing to get tested might be a sign that they're hiding something important. If you're sexually active get checked frequently if you have multiple partners. Being healthy is more important than a night of pleasure.

5. 'Negging'

Negging is a lesser spoken about the concept. Or something that hasn't been frequently spoken about in previous years. Negging essentially boils down to a backhanded or slightly off comment to a potential partner. Someone's tone is often a big factor here and if addressed may easily be brushed off as someone being overly sensitive. If someone doesn't have the best self-esteem in the world little things like this can really build up.

Some examples include

'wow, you must be really brave to wear your hair THAT way'

'I'm surprised you can pull that look off'

'That's not something I would do, but on you, it works.'

'You're really brave to smile when your teeth look like that.'

Oftentimes these people pick up on what others might be insecure about, something that isn't conventionally attractive, and use a comment like this to try and ingratiate themselves while knocking down the other person's self-esteem.

6. Not like 'others'/comparing to others

This concept is vice versa. The topic of someone claiming to another that they're 'not like the others'. Is meant to make this person feel as though they are special. Which someone can get swept up with when they think someone thinks that they are special in a certain type of way. What's important here is to think about the concept. Why are they saying you're 'not like the others' and what situation is it applying to? 'not like the other girls.' is frequently used. If a woman is told she's not like other girls, it might not occur to wonder what's wrong with other women?

The truth is that there is nothing wrong with other women in this concept.

On the other hand, if someone is comparing two people, especially in a relationship it's important to think about why. While two people may have similarities they aren't the same person. People should treat everyone as an individual and not use others as a comparison. People are not one and the same and it's important to take individuality for what it is.

7. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that can make a person feel as if they're going insane. The reason it is on this list is that it's something that can easily be done to another person. In any situation, though it is usually spoken conversations over a period of time in which this tactic is used.

Usually, it starts with someone saying that they never said something to you, when they most definitely did. If they do this enough then it can start to build doubt in the mind of another person. If this is done enough they start to doubt their own mental security and their memory.

Another form of this abuse is people moving things when another isn't looking. It might start out with just moving car keys to a different hook, moving someone's purse or clothing to the left, or placing them in a different drawer. Sometimes even straight up hiding them and when the person leaves putting them back as though they were there the entire time. If you suspect someone is doing this then take notes on what happens. And don't doubt yourself. It might be hard but that's the most important thing to breaking the cycle.

8. Refusing to talk about the future

This is something that is important mainly for couples. If there are ideals that people may disagree on it is important to address them early in a relationship that appears to be taking a serious turn. It is perfectly reasonable for someone to request some time to think about a topic. However, continually ignoring something crucial is a lack of communication. If someone is not willing to at least attempt communication on this level then one needs to think about how this will affect the relationship in the future.

Disclaimer

These are all things I've written down from one personal experience or another. I am not an expert but still think it's important to talk about, as someone doesn't have to be an expert to recognize abuse. If you'd like to add things on, ask questions, or ask me to write more in the future please go ahead.

[scripttorture]

Bit of an odd situation for this one, so I apologize if it's out of your scope. CharacterA was a child soldier in Russia, groomed from around age 6 to be an assassin and honey trap. Due to time travel bullshit, CharacterB has now found themselves in charge of a 3-year-old CharacterA who has much of the child soldier mentality and trauma still present. What kinds of lingering issues should they expect/keep an eye out for, and how could they best help this child recover? Modern setting. Thanks!

I might be able to help a little but I don’t know anything about childhood development. And that means that because of the age of the character there’s going to be a lot of important stuff I miss.

 Scripttraumasurvivors had some posts on how abuse effects childhood development and how kids at different ages express symptoms. I’d suggest taking a look at their blog.

 The impression I get is that the outlook for child soldiers is generally poorer then that of other children but there’s a lot of variability and it doesn’t necessarily have to be as bad as it is now.

 There are a lot of different factors that lead to child soldiers having shorter, poorer and less healthy lives and some of those factors can be eliminated.

 The biggest one is rejection by the community. People typically don’t want to care for child soldiers. They are often an easy target for the anger and frustration victimised communities feel towards armed groups.

 Isolation exacerbates mental health problems. Isolated children are less likely to learn acceptable social behaviour (a big problem when they’ve been taught violence is the best solution). And rejection reinforces the narrative their captors push on them: that the only home they’ll ever have is with the armed group.

 The cases I’ve read about are all with much older children. Typically child soldiers are much older then this. They’re usually in their teens.

 It’s also important to remember that ‘child soldier’ encompasses any child working within an armed group, whether they are actively fighting or not.

 Self esteem problems, mood swings and difficult behaviour (sometimes violence but more often aggression and inability to respond to social cues) all seem to be common.

 I’m not sure what these would look like in very young children. However one of the things child soldiers often talk about is difficulty going back to school, getting training or finding jobs. They’re very aware their lack of training has handicapped them. I’ve not read any accounts of them being put back in school among much younger classmates but I imagine at least some of them would find it humiliating.

 I’d say that whatever the age (and whether they’re in school or not) this character is likely to feel isolated from and unable to relate to their peers. These feelings may include a degree of jealousy that their peers have access to things Character A does not.

 I honestly don’t know how to write these complex feelings manifesting in a three year old.

 I do know that in young children the symptoms and emotions at play often get read as the child ‘being difficult’ or ‘acting out’.

 Patience and compassion are important.

 I think the other main thing to keep in mind for Character B is repetition.

 Children raised in these kinds of indoctrinating environments are- They’re subjected to a lot of repeated messages some are about things the group wants them to believe and some are ‘accidental’ lessons. So for instance the group might put a lot of effort into teaching children that ‘You can’t trust anyone outside the group’. And they might accidentally instil things like ‘Do not eat in front of bigger people because they will take your food’.

 It would be perfectly normal for Character A to be consciously aware of some of these lessons and unaware of others. For instance if they were explicitly told not to trust outsiders they’d be aware of that and able to verbalise it. But they might not be able to verbalise (or properly think through) something more complex like ‘when you raise your voice I become anxious because I associate that with anger and I associate anger with emotional or physical abuse.’

 This is something that applies to adult survivors and I expect it would be more pronounced in children: people can’t always explain why something feels bad or even what about the situation made it bad.

 Which means that care takers like Character B need to be patient and be careful about the behaviours/lessons they reinforce.

 Any rejection, however small it seems, could be read as ‘evidence’ for that common cult-style lesson that ‘no one outside the group can be trusted, no one outside the group will care about you’.

 Undermining these things takes a lot of time. And it can be complicated by the fact that someone can know a feeling is irrational yet still feel it.

 Again repetition, providing a consistently safe and nurturing environment, is key.

 Any form of physical punishment, whether it’s smacking, sending a child to bed without supper or making them stand in a corner, should be avoided. There’s considerable evidence that smacking at any level is harmful to children. In this particular story I think any sort of physical punishment would worsen the relationship between carer and child, while also reinforcing the message that the people who trained Character A were right.

 Beyond that I tend to get a bit more vague because while I know a little about child soldiers there’s still a lot more reading I need to do.

 There is a lot of variety in outlooks and outcomes for former child soldiers.

 A fair proportion of them go on to have normal lives and contribute to their communities. That proportion increases when there are concerted efforts to welcome them back and care for them.

 Some former child soldiers are scoped up by criminal groups. I personally think that a lot of this is because of communal rejection and a lack of other options. Without schooling and skills former child soldiers are relatively easy targets.

 I don’t have a breakdown of common mental illnesses in former child soldiers. The general symptoms of trauma are typically the same regardless of the trauma, so you could pick some symptoms from the list on this Masterpost here. They would all be in the realm of possibility even if I can’t tell you how common or uncommon they’d be for child soldiers in particular.

 I haven’t read enough about or by child soldiers to feel confident guessing a number of symptoms. If the character survives abuse or torture as part of their time as a soldier then I’d suggest following the guidelines in the Masterpost of around 3-5 symptoms.

 Because we don’t have any way to predict which individual survivors develop which particular symptoms I always recommend approaching this choice as an author and considering what works best with the story.

 You might want to rule out using some symptoms because of the character’s age. You’ll also want to consider how the character’s age would effect the expression of symptoms.

 Anxiety (and related mental health problems) can cause a rapid heart rate, pain in the chest, shakes and a light headed, dizzy feeling. Depression (and related mental health problems) can manifest as tiredness, lack of appetite (or conversely much increased appetite) and nausea (sometimes vomiting).

 In a character who can’t necessarily express what they’re feeling (who doesn’t know mental health terms) these symptoms can be confused with physical illness.

 My impression, based purely on anecdotes, is that many mentally ill children are labelled as ‘problem children’ long before there’s a suggestion that they might be unwell. It can be difficult to know how to help someone who doesn’t have the vocabulary or experience to express what is wrong and how to fix it.

 It’s also really natural, whatever the character’s age is, to get angry at the lack of understanding and accommodations for mental illness. It’s especially difficult to be patient when you’re in pain.

 The only other thing I can think of in terms of Character A is that they’d probably say a lot of things adults would find very disturbing.

 They’ll not only have been exposed to a lot of… It’s not even really ‘age inappropriate’ so much as inhumane things. They’re told these things are normal. They’re used to being praised for them.

 If this child is used to being given positive attention for- Pointing out how someone could be manipulated or killed then they are likely to do it once they begin to trust Character B.

 And the problem here is that responding with horror, or telling the child to stop can damage their trust in the adult. It can feel like rejection and it can be difficult for very young children to understand why something they were previously praised for is now wrong. Even when a child understands being unable to express or share things they’ve come to see as ‘normal’ is difficult.

 All of which boils down to this: Character B has a damned difficult job ahead of them.

 It is hard to rehabilitate traumatised kids even for professionals with experience. For someone who doesn’t have that background it’s stressful, intense and they might not expect so many moments when things seem to get worse instead of better.

 They need a lot of patience and an absolute commitment to winning Character A’s trust. Which could take months or more. Consistently providing a stable, safe, loving environment is essential.

 What that should look like to best serve the characters isn’t a question I can answer precisely.

 There’s a list of sources on child soldiers here that you might find helpful. Also my salty complaints about Cambridge University Press’ search function.

 Barber’s book (which I haven’t read yet) focuses primarily on recover and rehabilitation so it might be helpful to you. However age is a factor and I am unsure how many children in Barber’s data set were under 14.

 I hope that helps :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[remiheadman]

Research Paper Final Draft

Remi Headman

Fish Burton

English 2010

30 November 2019

             Rape is the leading cause of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in women (Tiihonen 1-9). On top of that, it is estimated that one in every four women have raped or sexually abuse at one point in their lives, and about one third of rape survivors will develop PTSD after their assault (Littleton 1). The high rates of PTSD call for a high demand in therapists and treatment options. One popular form of PTSD treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Donald G. Beal explains CBT by stating that our cognition can change our behavior, our cognitive processes can change over time, and there is a positive correlation between cognitive change and behavior change (5). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy isn’t just one type of therapy, but “loosely organized therapeutic approaches” (Beal 5). Despite the many forms CBT can take on, for the sake of this paper, we will be using Beal’s propositions as a loose definition for CBT. In relation to PTSD, CBT can either start by making changes in thinking patterns or behavior patterns. After a change is made, there will be natural change that happens in whatever aspect wasn’t intentionally changed at first.

Another way to conceptualize CBT is explained by the People in Pain Network. The narrator demonstrates the basics of CBT on a “Mental Health Wheel” (PIPN Time stamp?). The wheel is split up into four different sections: actions, thoughts, emotions, and health. The idea is that each section of the wheel affects the other parts. The clip proceeds to break down how CBT works, and different strategies to implement into daily life that will help minimize symptoms of PTSD and depression. Basically, if you are depressed because of one of the sections on your mental health wheel is lacking, you will target the other three sections to improve your overall health (PIPN Time Stamp?). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy isn’t just popular for no reason. Studies have proven its effectiveness for rape related PTSD. CBT has long lasting effects on minimizing PTSD symptoms (Resick 201-210).

In order to fully understand CBT and how it works for rape and sexual abuse survivors, PTSD must be looked at more in depth. One generalized characterization of PTSD I found is “the persistent re-experiencing of the traumatic event, persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with this event, numbing of general responsiveness, and symptoms of increased arousal” (Tiihonen 1-9). However, PTSD in rape survivors is a little more specific. Some of the signs of rape related PTSD include feelings of isolation and/or depression, shame, self-blaming, distancing self from loved ones, and resisting physical touch. (AAETS 2014).

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for rape survivors struggling with PTSD is obviously very effective and popular amongst those who have been treated with it. Especially since it is a treatment that reaps long lasting results for minimizing symptoms of PTSD. However, how can rape survivors receive treatment that not only minimizes their PTSD symptoms, but also improves their over-all recovery process and wellbeing? Implementing practices of CBT can, and will have a positive impact on lives that are affected by PTSD and depression. (Resick 201-210). However, it seems that CBT focuses specifically on symptoms, and doesn’t take the whole recovery process into consideration.

Every recovery process is going to look different, because every assault situation is different. As far as targeting PTSD and depression goes, CBT is the way to go. But I believe there is a way to do more for survivors and for their recovery process. Instead of therapists focusing on changing the way they are thinking/behaving, what if they started teaching clients life skills that will be beneficial in other areas of their life other than their PTSD symptoms? This question leads me to my proposition: Stewardship therapy. Oxford Dictionary defines stewardship as “The job of supervising or taking care of something, such as an organization or property.” However, for the purposes of this paper, I am going to open that definition up to taking care or managing your own wellbeing, and those around you. Some key words that come to mind when thinking about stewardship are empowerment and gratitude. There are many other aspects of stewardship that could play in, but both topics have research to back them as well. Survivors could potentially re-orient their entire lives if they had the proper encouragement and mind set alongside the standard therapy. Being empowered is key in achieving mental health (Grealish 314-335). For her study, A. Grealish defines empowerment as “enabling a person to take charge of their life and make informed choices and decisions about their life” (Grealish 314-335). If more clients were exposed to empowerment during the early stages of their treatment, they could potentially take control over their lives again. I see this being very beneficial to rape survivors in the way that they are learning to regain control over themselves after they had that control stripped away from them in their assault.

[lokeanrampant]

Anders & Mental Illness

Cause someone kinda spurred this Wall of Text.  

You want unpopular opinion time?  Here ya go:   Anders is NOT mentally ill.

So what are the symptoms that people are seeing that make them see mental illness, which, for the purposes of this post, will be a medical diagnosis concerned with neural biochemistry that can never be cured, but can be managed with the assistance of medication to help correct the body’s own imbalance.

Anders DEFINITELY has post-traumatic stress disorder.  Please note, this is not considered a mental illness by way of biochemistry.  It is a learned behavior and associated response, an extreme form of Pavlov’s conditioning, that can be treated through cognitive therapy, medication, and time.  Why does he have PTSD?  Let’s go down the list:

Because he’s been trained to hate himself since he manifested magic.  Not because he did something wrong, but because of how he was born.  Yay, let’s teach people to hate themselves for being born.

Because he’s been taught he’s a walking weapon.  

Because his own family went from being as much a family as any other (with good and bad points) to essentially calling him a monster and throwing him out like so much garbage.

Feelings of persecution because, well, he is taken from his family, called a monster, and then locked into a tower/prison to experience little to no privacy and under constant guard where any small movement, action, or thought could be met with abuse, torture, or death.

Solitary confinement – MULTIPLE TIMES.  Please note, while there is not much in canon about the type of solitary confinement used, it is generally a small cell (60-80sq ft, or a 6-8’x10’ cell).  This is where everything is done – eating, drinking, sleeping, reliving oneself.   For Solitary Confinement:  

There may be extreme sensory deprivation – there may or may not be light, sounds may be constant or none at all or that idle drip-drip-drip of condensation on stone. There is no actual human contact.

As if mages are dehumanized already, the combination of isolation and sensory deprivation furthers this dehumanization in that you will eventually start to question reality itself.  Once you leave this sort of confinement, readjusting to the sights, sounds, and textures of the real world is a major hardship.  Everything is too loud, too bright, too textured, too everything – it’s a total body sensory overload.

For someone so steadfastly opposed to being confined, who has escaped multiple times simply to be free?  Solitary confinement is the WORST type of abuse.  It’s throwing an arachnaphobic into a room full of spiders, or a claustrophobic in a tiny box, or an agoraphobic into an open field.  It is their worst nightmare come to life. Short-term, it would excruciating, but multiple times with ever-lengthening terms?  That creates a desperation that will lead to severe risk-taking, extreme levels of anxiety, a desperate need-to-please to avoid that situation again (very Stockholm Syndrome), and suicidality.  But of course, the institution that does all this doesn’t care.  One less mage to worry about.

From an RL-perspective, the United Nations has classified anything over 15days in solitary confinement “constitutes cruel, degrading and inhumane treatment, or torture.” For someone who is mentally ill already (again, see above), the pressures exerted on the human psyche for such extended periods of time would resolve into a complete psychological break.

Based on all of that? It’s a wonder Anders is functional at all, though we know people who have survived such things and live with PTSD and can be function.  It shows a pure strength of self and major resilience.  THAT we do see in Anders.

So now we’re going to look at the why so many see the shift between DAA and DA2 Anders as absolutely signs of mental illness.  So DA2 was a rushed mess with a seriously unreliable narrator and essentially decided to disregard almost everything from DAA.  Remarkable storytelling, there, BioWare.  Good on ya.  *rolls eyes*

DAA Anders.  Ah, yes, the sassy, snark-driven flirt that everyone adores.  It’s called OVERCOMPENSATION.  Anders knows full well if this last escape attempt doesn’t work, he is, quite literally, a dead man.  While he has no fucks left to give on many levels, he will fight that one tooth and nail. He would rather die than go back to solitary or be given a lobotomy.  He will rail against authority, but anyone who gives him an ounce of positive reinforcement, an ounce of kindness, that is something to which he will cling with desperation and do anything to keep that positivity occurring.  Especially if it can in some way prevent what he fears the most.  So he flirts, is charming, is sassy, is snarky, and is HELPFUL. He may have a mouth on him, but he IS helpful.  He wants to ingratiate himself.  It’s also a self-defense mechanism where if he can deflect everything with wit and sass, no one will actually know what terrifies him the most and give them leverage over him.  He can’t afford that vulnerability.  

But he cannot hide the anger – that is there, in spades and then some.  He remembers enough of his life before the Circle to know there is a better life.  He is angry for everything he has felt in the Circle, for all the people who were hurt there, for how he was hurt there, for how anything resembling any sort of goodness was stripped away, beaten out, abused, or killed.  They were not allowed anything truly good in their lives and he had had that, tasted it, wanted it.  Knew it was there.  So he is angry, furious, fighting so hard to be free and be allowed to breathe and just be him, not some monster they kept telling him he was.  He didn’t feel like a monster, he didn’t want to be a monster, but he was still terrified he was one.  

And so he becomes a Warden – mostly because he can and as yet another last-ditch effort (he has a lot of those) to break free from the tyranny of the Circles and his impending death sentence at the hands of the templars.  The Wardens should be his escape.  They are an organization beholden to NONE.  Their backgrounds effectively cease to exist, for the most part.  It doesn’t matter if they are rogue, warrior, thief, murderer, or mage – once they are joined, they are Wardens.  And if it weren’t for the continued persecution of the templars who simply cannot stop being assholes, who knows what might have happened.  He did already exhibit traits of fighting for freedom, his own if no one else’s, at this point.  Justice helped him see that there were more people oppressed and made him start thinking about that.  

For all the extra time he had before being taken to the Circle, Anders is still young.  Though there are no canonical ages mentioned, general thought is that DAA Anders is early-20s.  And the Circles are geared toward keeping mages naïve and helpless, to keep them like young children so they are, by necessity, required to rely upon their captors for survival.  Anders has a bit more independence going into that environment than many, which is how he continued to fight and get himself in trouble.  He’s very strong-willed with a drive for independence, but he’s still effectively in the mindset of a troubled teen.  

Yet with all of that, there really isn’t any mental illness.  There is the PTSD, the anxiety and paranoia, the overcompensation, all from truly legitimate and horrifying experiences that would leave multiple symptoms of lasting impact in varying extremes.  Again, PTSD is a learned response to stimuli.  He is reacting based on previous experiences and results. And it absolutely influences day-to-day interactions even if the experience is in the past, because the key part of PTSD is that the past is NOT the past, it is still actively influencing the present, even if those stimuli are not actively in the present.

So let’s talk DA2 Anders. This is actually my preferred Anders. Why?  Because he has grown up.  He’s been given the TIME to actually figure himself out to a degree outside the confines of the Circle.  And do you know what he found?  That is has mountains of strength and compassion to give to others.  That he can say NO to some things.  Do you have any idea how difficult is to say NO when you’ve been indoctrinated like that?  It’s one of the hardest things in the world to do and even when you learn it and can say it, it can still be such a struggle to fight to listen to yourself and your feelings and not fall prey to that belief that it would simply be better for everyone if you said yes, no matter how horrible it may be for you to do so.

Anders in DA2 is a semi-to-mostly-functioning adult, as any adult would be after going through his life experiences, but all in all, he’s actually doing okay for himself.  He’s managing.  Sometimes, that is the absolute best we can manage.  We find out that he merged with Justice from DAA.  A lot of people will claim this, in and of itself, makes him bipolar or, at the very least, the outdated Multiple Personality Disorder (now Dissociative identity disorder), wherein there are a minimum of two distinctly separate identities that persist.  On the outside?  Eh, I can sorta see it…EXCEPT.  Justice isn’t Anders splitting his psyche into multiple pieces.  Justice is JUSTICE, a Spirit of the Fade.  A personality in and of itself/himself (and this particular personification of Justice chooses to be male, so male pronouns from here on out).  Justice isn’t a fragment of Anders’ personality.  He is a spirit who inhabits a living form that already has a soul. YOU LITERALLY HAVE TWO SOULS IN ONE BODY.  This is not a mental illness, this is spirit possession.  So DID can go straight out the window on this one.  

And then there’s that whole spirit/demon thing.  Justice IS NOT a demon.  He’s one hell of a hard ideal, in spirit form.  I have an entire essay written about Fade Entities, but that’s another topic. Needless to say, Justice isn’t some cute lil cricket on Anders’ shoulder.  Justice is a burning ideal in a world full of injustices.  And Justice, as we can see in DAA, is actively learning about the world around him.  He becomes, essentially, a very protective elder brother to Anders as you can see Justice only really breaks out and takes control in DA2 when Anders is clearly at breaking point and under severe emotional distress.  Imagine Hawke going to bat for their younger sibling in times of distress and you have Justice, wielding the blue fire and lighting of the Fade.  Justice allows Anders to know there is someone always looking out for him, who always has his back.  He allows Anders to feel a modicum of safety and gives him that push to allow him to be who he is.  He is, in a word, family.  Not easy, not kind, not always loving, but he is the chosen family – the blood of the covenant, not of the womb – and that much stronger for it.

Justice gave Anders a type of companionship after years of solitary confinement that no one else could. Justice helped anchor Anders, even though he pushes him hard.  Spirits can learn (Justice does, Cole does, even Wynne’s Spirit of Faith does) and they learn their environments and hosts if need be.  But inhabiting the living body of someone who has experienced everything Anders has?  It makes Justice very protective and very angry, but that doesn’t make him a demon. It actually makes him more human. He feels righteous fury at those who hurt his friend and continue to hurt him and others like him.  He feels insulted and personally attacked whenever he is called demon because he knows Anders’ fears about himself and Justice and their merging and he would never want anything like that to hurt his friend or for he, himself, to fall to that.  But he hasn’t.  Justice is still Justice and still that same ideal.  To warp Justice into a demon would require Justice brutalizing everything he is and warping the ideal of justice into something else entirely. And vengeance doesn’t count here – they are two sides of the same coin, which is why you often see vengeance called vigilante justice.  If the order of the world dictates that those in power do not provide justice, then vigilantism is the justice they receive.  I’m not even entirely sure what Justice could become if he was able to be warped enough into a demon, actually, no, I take that back, he would become Zealotry – the brute enforcement of an ideal, fanatical enforcement of an idea with no regard anything but that.  And that is NOT Justice.  There are much better examples of zealotry in Thedas.

Does Anders have aggressive self-defense mechanisms?  Oh hell yes.  He actually aggressively overacts to quite a few things to the point Hawke really should have smacked him upside the head a few times.  But it goes back to that old saying where it’s not paranoia if they’re actually out to get you.  And yes, they are actively and actually out to get Anders. Yet for all of this?  For all that he remains hunted, for all that his very existence is hated and persecuted and reviled?  He starts up a free clinic.  He uses his magic to heal people without asking for anything in return, except maybe to be left alone and maybe, just maybe get a warning if the templars are too close.  He has so much compassion, even after everything he has experienced.  He cares enough to not want others to experience what he has experienced.  

So let’s get back to mental illness.  I see a lot of references to manic episodes.  Now, I know that everyone who is diagnosed with BPD, I or II, experiences their own form.  It’s different for everyone.  I have BPD II and have only experienced medication-induced manic episodes and YIKES – I don’t know how anyone deals with those on a regular basis at all.  I get the funzies of depressive episodes, sometimes so badly they will pull me under.  Sometimes, so badly that yes, suicide is at the forefront of my thoughts. A lot of that has to the with the diagnosed PTSD and self-hatred that I have been trained to have. Indoctrination is a bitch. Therapy is helping, but it took years to get this shit diagnosed even after years ago, I had done enough research to kind of diagnose myself.  But no one wanted to believe me when I brought it up as a possibility.  People see other people functioning, to the most basic appearances, normally, and they hand-wave away the idea that there might be a problem.  So that said, let’s take a look at manic episodes.

I’m going with a firm NO on this one.  The closest thing I can see to manic episodes are when Anders is working almost feverishly on his manifesto.  No abject risk-taking that was any more prevalent than his multiple escape attempts. The closest thing we have to that is him running a free clinic and the mage underground in Kirkwall.  Hell, him breathing in Kirkwall is risk-taking.  But the manifesto nights?  It’s less manic and more avoidance, in my mind.  I’ve done it.  It’s keeping so busy that you don’t have time to think about the bad things that are constantly in your head.  Keep busy, keep healing, keep writing, keep fighting and for the love of all that is good, DON’T SLEEP.  Don’t let the dreams in, don’t be helpless and vulnerable.  Work until you’re so exhausted and you don’t dream, then wake exhausted again and do it again.  This is PTSD-anxiety at work combined with night terrors.  He is terrified of going to sleep, of being vulnerable to attack, of the nightmares of not just the taint, but of dark spaces and helplessness and the Fade and memories of failures, all those he couldn’t protect.  He drives himself so hard so he doesn’t have to think of those things.  It’s a defense mechanism.  It’s mostly utilized for anxiety and depression when dealing with PTSD or with basic extreme stress/duress and grief, and his history clearly can point to when those started.  

Oh, wait, I mentioned depression up there, didn’t I?  Hey, that’s a mental illness!  Yes, it is. Absolutely.  But you can be depressed without having the mental illness/biochemistry maladaptation.  Damned genetics.  ANYWAY.  PTSD causes extreme reactions, stress and duress, anxiety, and yes, depression.  You can’t escape the anxiety, the fear responses, the need to either work yourself to the bone or sleep away the pain.  In Anders’ case, it’s working himself so he doesn’t dream. Guess what happens when you do that to yourself over and over and over again?  The body isn’t designed to go without sleep and proper rest.  Those of us with sleep disorders will tell you (and it’s in the medical literature if you care to research it) that that degree of sleep deprivation will cause depression.  It’s not necessarily a matter of biochemistry, but that of situational body adaptations to not being able to recuperate.  

So there it is in a very large nutshell – my thoughts on why Anders is NOT mentally ill.  I get that some people want to see themselves in their favorite characters.  I relate to Anders on many levels, but I cannot put my diagnoses on him.

[comicteaparty]

August 5th-August 11th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from August 5th, 2019 to August 11th, 2019.  The chat focused on Beyond Bloom by NiaNook.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Beyond Bloom by NiaNook~! (http://beyondbloom.webcomic.ws/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until August 11th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. In what ways do you think Yokiro will find a way to be helpful to Tatsuma and Sikue (if any)? Overall, how do you foresee him growing and changing as a person over the course of his journey?

snuffysam

1. Hmm... I'd say the burning building rescue from Book 3. I loved seeing Tatsuma putting aside her hangups and actually helping people for once - even if she claimed she was only doing so to protect Sikue. And I loved the frank conversation Tatsuma and Yokiro had on the cliffside after the fact. I also really like this scene http://beyondbloom.webcomic.ws/comics/120/ of Sikue and the fireflies. It's just such a cute interaction between Sikue and Yokiro! 2. I think he's already been helpful - he's taught them about humanity. Though I would love if during the final encounter with the big bad benta boss Yokiro saves the day using his fishing skills XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What do you think makes Tatsuma and Sikue special compared to the other benta? Besides their powers, in what ways do you think the physical nature or symbolism of the flowers they are might come into play in the story?

ShaRose49

My favourite scene was probably the scene where they fight Ginari and Evalkol—it showed that the three main characters are loyal to each other even when they disagree, and it was really cool to see so many characters in action

Yokiro’s been super kind and awesome to the girls!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you think Tatsuma, Sikue, and even Yokiro will find some way to feel like they belong and fit in with the rest of the world? If so, how do you see this happening? Overall, what can the story teach us about what it means to belong?

RebelVampire

1) My favorite scene is probably the one where Yokiro caught Sikue playing with bugs and dancing...and then falling flat on her fact. Not only were the illustrations really beautiful, but I liked the blend of cute, comedy, and...mysticism for lack of a better word. It really sticks with me cause I think it was such a great bonding moment between the characters despite nothing of immense significance happening. 2) I have to agree with @snuffysam on this. I think Yokiro has already been kind of helpful. Not just in teaching them about humanity and how humanity isn't awful, but also by being the most practical between them. Cause like he thought of the toothbrushes (not that they for sure need it, but its the thought that counts). Of course, I think Yokiro might find other ways to help. Like maybe learn to hit people with a giant stick. I do think through the journey though Yokiro is gonna find his calling though. Maybe as just some charity guy who helps ppl. Opens an orphanage. Something like that.

3) My favorite character is probably Sikue if for no other reason than I like her design. Shes really cute but also has this sort of elegance about her despite the circumstances. Plus, between the three, I'd characterize Sikue as the hope of the group since shes caring, considerate, etc. I guess in otherwords, she's the glue that keeps the train going. 4) From what we've seen so far, it seems the others are based on animals, versus Tatsuma and Sikue who were plants. So a lot more might have gone into them, thus giving them access to more special abilities. However, I think that story about them being eternity flowers has a lot to do with it. Maybe they're strong just because their natures are so entertwined. So in a way nothing they cant conquer as long as theyre together.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Do you believe that Ginari will remain with the Keeper despite having misgivings? Why or why not? Also, do you think that Ginari will forgive Tatsuma and Sikue for killing her dragon? How will this affect her overall feeling towards them?

RebelVampire

5) As partly mentioned, my fave illustration is definitely this huge panel one of Sikue, Yokiro, and the fireflies. http://beyondbloom.webcomic.ws/comics/125/ The combination between the night sky and fireflies is breathtaking, and the angle really sells the beauty of it to me. 6) I do think the three will find some way to belong in the world, but a long time from now and eventually. The feeling of belonging, imo, is one that comes from confidence and self-acceptance. And I kind of don't think any of them are even close to that mental juncture. They're still asking who they are, why they exist, what should they do with themselves, etc. And these are the sorts of feelings that will make you feel isolated even if you have a large community who likes you all around you. Which I guess, this is what I think the story will teach us about what it means to belong. It doesn't mean fitting in, it doesn't necessarily even mean having a large community. Belonging is something that is just as much about loving yourself for the good and the bad and having the confidence that no one can tell you otherwise.

NiaNook

@RebelVampire Aww, will not confirm or deny, but your 6th point got me feeling all mushy :')

Been fun reading your guys' thoughts, thank you! And Snuffysam suggesting Yokiro saves the day with his fishing skills; LOL! He'll cast that line right in the bad guy's face!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Why do you think the benta were created in the first place? In other words, what is the Keeper’s ultimate end goal? How do you think the Keeper intends to capture Tatsuma and Sikue, and what would happen to them in that situation?

RebelVampire

7) I probably like seeing Sikue and Yokiro interact the most. I like seeing how Yokiro is help expose other sides to Sikue, since Sikue is a lot less forward about stuff than Tatsuma. Thus, it's like getting to delve into a mystery. 8) I think Ginari is gonna stay pretty loyal to the Keeper, if only because of the answer to the next question. I don't think Ginari will ever forgive them for killing her dragon, because she'd also have to forgive herself. Thus, she will always have a grudge against them even if she somehow left the Keeper. Honestly, if she doesn't wind up dying a tragic death, I will be super duper surprised. >_>;;;;

9) I appreciate the balance of nature. Since the story features them traveling in a lot of forests, it's there a lot. However, it's not always super detailed or super obviously present. Like sometimes it's simplified and cut back, whereas other times it takes up a good chunk of the panel and is super detailed. I think this works really well, though, as it allows the nature to functionally add atmosphere to key moments, whether isolation, mysticism, or something else needs to be conveyed. 10) Ya know, I'm not sure the Keeper has an end goal. Maybe the Keeper just wants to prove what true power is or something like that. I do think regardless of goals, part of the creationg was derived just from the idea that the Keeper thought they could do it. And when you can do something, why not do it? I think the Keeper intends to trick them into coming by making them desire answers to question with the assumption the Keeper knows the answers. As for outcome, ya know, abuse their powers to do jerk things. The usual.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you feel Yokiro’s handling of the thief Kenber was the best? Why or why not? How does Yokiro’s desire to forgive Kenber tie into his speech about the world being filled with different kinds of people? What we can learn about forgiveness with the story?

ShaRose49

This comic is unique in that even though it focuses on super-powered beings, the story doesn’t have a lot of fighting, instead it’s more like a casual adventure story following the journey of three characters and every once in awhile goes to some mysterious anti-heroes and bad guys. Nobody take insult from this but it actually reminds me of the original Ice Age movie. (I love that movie so I don’t mean it in a bad way)(edited)

I also think the art is unique and I admire it a lot

I think since Kenber didn’t seem to be super dangerous and I don’t even know if they have police in this world—I think what he (Yokiro) did was pretty okay, especially since Kenber is just a kid. You definitely would need to use discretion with stuff like that IRL though(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Who do you think the lady we saw in a flashback was? How did Tatsuma and Sikue wind up with her? Also, how does this factor in to Tatsuma and Sikue ultimately being cast out (possibly due to a fire)?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's strengths lie in the characters. The designs are really clean and stand out against each other. There's also interesting elements incoporated to reflect the plant and animal natures. The intereactions are also a lot of fun and come with both drama and comedy, so the comic has a little something for everyone. 12) I have mixed feelings about Yokiro's handling of it. I think it's nice, but I also think eventually that forgiving nature is gonna bite him in the butt. Cause sometimes second chances just explode and it doesn't work as well as it did in that specific scenario. However, I think it's a good message about how all people are different and just cause our first impression isnt good, it could change if we take the time to get to know someone. And I think that is the takeaway of the story in terms of forgiveness. Not all the time, but sometimes it's worth trying to understand why someone would do something awful.

13) I am looking forward to seeing Yokiro grow and evolve more and what he'll contribute to the group some more. I'm always fascinated by the dynamics between super powered people and then the non-super powered companions, cause theres a lot of emotional exploration of inferiority complexes available there. 14) I assume the lady was just some random lady who found Tatsuma and Sikue and took them in because the lady seemed nice. And I assume they caused a fire, lady died, everyone blamed them. Or something like that. I'm taking Occam's Razor with this one and assume it's the most common assumption.

snuffysam

maybe the lady started the fire!

my final thoughts to share are... this comic is incredible. truly incredible. a lovable cast of characters at every level, and downright stunning art pieces. keep at it, nia~!

Free iPod

Didn't have time to get to every question, but here are some responses! 1) The part in Book 4 where Yokiro and Sikue meet in the forest stands out. It's a simple moment, but it feels very important. The illustration complements the emotions of the scene perfectly - as these two characters are starting to open up to each other for the first time, the black and white page blooms (lol pun) into color and the panels drift into a more loose and organic arrangement. It's super well done. 2) In a way, he's helpful because he's someone who they can trust. The three of them share the experience of being somewhat isolated from the world at large, so I think that they all benefit from knowing each other. Yokiro is definitely helpful when dealing with people, but I think that he's still conflicted about leaving his old life behind. He mentioned at one point that he had a family, so I wouldn't be surprised if he runs into them eventually. 3) It's hard to choose, but Tatsuma is my fave. I like how she's tough and prone to messing around a lot of the time, but she's very determined to protect the people she cares about. With the fire in the village and in the situation with Kenber, she believed that it would be smarter to stay out of trouble, but she was willing to jump in without hesitation to help Sikue and Yokiro. 5) The first page of Book 3. Its portrayal of dialectical exchange between two legendary philosophers is simply astounding. :3

8) I think that she will, at least for a while. I don't think that she'd want to abandon the other benta. She was genuinely concerned for Mae's wellbeing, and she got along well with Elvalkol for the most part. It seems like she has some personal history with the Keeper - their interactions were a bit more familiar than what you'd expect if they were just a boss and his lieutenant, and since she's apparently opposed to what he's doing, she might try to confront him at some point. It's hard to imagine her forgiving Tatsuma and Sikue. Aside from killing her dragon, the two may have some importance to the Keeper's plans. 9) I agree with RebelVampire, the forest backgrounds are always nice and complementary to the atmosphere. The sound effects represented as words (...idk what they're called, onomatopoeias?) are used to a good effect too. They're never just the usual generic sound effects, they always seem custom-tailored to each specific situation. :D 11) The characters are a fantastic aspect of the comic. The dynamic between the main three makes it so fun to read. Also, the comic is good at presenting little insights and hints about the world throughout the characters' journey. It's kinda hard to explain, but the world feels very 'alive' and vibrant. 12) Yokiro was patient and demonstrated good will with Kenber, and it seemed to make a real impression on the kid, so it's hard not to view what he did as commendable. I really liked that arc. 13) I'm excited to potentially see the benta settlement. It sounds like a decent place from Elvalkol's description, but I wonder what's it really like with the Keeper in charge? Seeing Yokiro's family would be cool as well. Anyways, final thoughts: this comic really does feel special in a way. The characters are memorable, and all of the different parts of it are treated with care.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Beyond Bloom this week! Please also give a special thank you to NiaNook for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Beyond Bloom, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://beyondbloom.webcomic.ws/

[rockofeye]

How do you know if an offering for the ancestors is enough? Does knowing names and having a family tree give an advantage? What do you do with the food you make for ancestors? Throw it out? Give it to friends/living family? How do you stop feeling insecure about your connection with the ancestors and how you try to heal that? What do you do when you live in a colonised country and information on your people and their practices are scarce?

How do you know if an offering for the ancestors is enough?

That’s something you have to learn over time as you get to learn and listen to your ancestors. They communicate what they want and need, and if what you are giving them fits that. Generally, my guide is to give the best that I can offer at that time and let them know that this is the best I can offer, particularly if it is not what I usually give them.

Does knowing names and having a family tree give an advantage?

It can, if you want to speak to specific ancestors or call specific ancestors to work for you. It’s not necessary for ancestor work, though; a lot of people do not have an extensive family trees and have powerful ancestor practices.

What do you do with the food you make for ancestors? Throw it out? Give it to friends/living family?

I think that depends on the ancestors, the tradition a person is working from, and what the purpose of the feeding is for. Sometimes ancestral food can be eaten by living descendants after a period of time, sometimes the food for the dead should remain only for the dead, and sometimes consuming the food of the dead could be detrimental the general living-ness of the person eating it. Some food should be disposed of outside, or buried, or burned, or simply wrapped and placed in the trash. It all depends on your ancestors, the tradition you are working within, and your ancestors themselves.

How do you stop feeling insecure about your connection with the ancestors and how you try to heal that?

That’s kind of a fake it ‘til you make it thing. The only way to build confidence and connection is to just do it–build the practice, refine it so that it works for your and your ancestors, and do the work. Ancestral healing and healing in general is an active process, so it comes as a byproduct of getting your hands in the dirt, as it were, and doing it. 

For someone who is feeling insecure about their ancestral connection, I would suggest giving where that insecurity is coming from some deep thought. Is it because they feel they are not doing enough? Does it seem like their ancestral practice is not as effective or deep as they judge someone else’s to be? Whatever the cause, the ancestor-descendant relationship is between those two parties only–ancestors and their descendant–so those are the only parties that matter. If someone feels they are not doing enough, maybe do something different. I tell clients and students often that comparison is the thief of joy, so if someone is using what other people are doing as a yardstick, they will always feel less than.

What do you do when you live in a colonised country and information on your people and their practices are scarce?

This is a complex question that I read in two different ways, so I’m going to answer both ‘translations’ of how I read it. If I am missing the point, please let me know.

If we are living on colonized territory (which, if we live in the US or in Canada, we are) and are looking for information on our ancestors who were colonizers (in one way or another) of the land we live on and their religious beliefs, there are things we can do to both to acknowledge the deep abuses committed by our ancestors and move forward as ethical ancestral practitioners on colonized territory.

I am grateful to have been taught to use land acknowledgement as part of centering Indigenous American history, voices, and land presence, and I utilize that in my ancestral practice to acknowledge how my ancestors benefited from the colonization of indigenous property and how I continue to benefit from living on colonized land. I don’t honor Indigenous Americans as part of ancestral practice since that is not my ancestral reality and I am not Indigenous, but I name the land my ancestors and I have benefited from because I would not be here if not for my ancestral presence there. 

I firmly believe that being an ethical ancestral practitioner on colonized territory means working to address the trauma caused by ancestors, which means doing hands-on reparative work with our ancestors to interrupt the cycle of ancestral trauma continuing to repeat itself (ie, history repeating). That’s a long and committed process which is deserving of it’s own post, but it is something folks with any European ancestry should really be looking at.

If we are living on colonized territory and we are individuals who have had our cultural identities and practices compromised or suppressed by colonization, it must feel very frustrating and isolating not to have good sources of information or to be able to find connections to our ancestral cultures.

From here, answers sort of converge in terms of seeking out information on ancestors and their religious practices. While the advice can vary wildly based on individual situations, there are some very basic general stepping stones to finding information on ancestral practices and cultures:

Look for reading lists. Might sound obvious, but googling up ‘welch history reading list’ can give you places to start and books/articles with bibliographies to explore. Similarly, you can google specifically for decolonized resources on your ancestral culture or tradition. There’s a solid basic booklist for decolonized Indigenous American history here, and an expansive reading list on a decolonized look at African politics and political history, just for example.

Read critically. Utilize bibliographies and reading notes, and go to those publications and see if what the author wrote reflects/matches and what additional info is there. The wealth of information I have found from chasing down sources is HUGE.

Search for ‘folklore’. An immense amount of actual practice is persevered under the heading of folklore, which makes it more palatable and less threatening for majority culture. For example, dancing in Haitian Vodou is vital and central to ceremony, and ceremonial/temple dancing is classed as Haitian folkloric dance in the mainstream world. Lots of folklore illustrates about practices ancestors may have engaged in and reflects actual stuff that can be used as puzzle pieces.

Contact cultural centers and culture bearers. Even if there is no local surviving cultural group for your ancestral practice, someone somewhere knows something and they in turn will have their own network. Many Indigenous communities have connections across widespread areas, or have historical archives that can be accessed with permission. Cultural centers often have elders on staff or as contacts, and even areas that have tourist presence can refer back to the actual culture. Many cultural practices are tied to place or to specific Diaspora, and so reach out to those physical places and Diaspora centers for assistance.

These might be challenging conversations to have: ‘hi, my family is from Place and I don’t know anything about that, who could I talk to’ might be hard, *but* fruitful. 

Learn the language the culture does ‘business’ in. While colonization insists the common language be English, most information about specific cultural practices will be in the majority language of the culture. Outsiders coming in to Haitian Vodou often complain that there is so little authentic material available to them, and yet they have not learned Haitian Kreyol or French, which is the majority language of Haiti and Haitians and the language that 95% of the materials written about the religion are written in. If we are looking for our ancestors and ancestral practices, learning the language they spoke and the language they spoke with their spirits can open a LOT of doors.

Look for culturally relevant events. Keep an eye on museum events, library talks, dance festivals, cultural festivals, etc. If you live near any big city, you are probably close to religious centers that serve specific cultural groups–many cultural groups who attend mainstream denomination churches also maintain cultural practices alongside their attendance, and you may meet folks there who are connected with ancestral things. These are places where you can meet culture bearers or folks who can connect you to actual culture bearers. My spiritual mother is an example of this–she travels and teaches extensively at universities in the US and internationally about Haitian Vodou and Vodou culture, and she is not the only culture bearer that does.

Ask your ancestors for guidance. The very first step in ancestral veneration is to welcome your ancestors home, and when you do so you are inviting their presence and influence into your life. You can ask them to open the way for you to reconnect with culture as they lived it and to put your feet on the right path to do so. They will answer in their time, which can be slow or can be fast. They are the key to learning about where you come from and who you are in that framework so, above all, lean on them.

 I hope this answers your questions and is helpful. If I have misunderstood what you’re asking and you’re up for clarifying, I am happy to revise what I have offered to fit.

[tellywoodtrash]

Wow Anika's been trying to help Shivaay for so many days, and it all it took was one yelling from Gauri to resurrect Billu. What mashallah research was HS doing where she came to the conclusion that one can yell mental illness out of a person? Uff these ppl make a mockery out of real, important issues, upar se they pat themselves on their backs for it.

This. This is exactly the fucking thing. I’m making jokes about it and all, and I once said to just fix the character overnight because I can’t watch him suffering like this, but THIS is not what I meant. Not even by a long shot.

This is why I hate Gulneet’s BS “oh look, but we’re raising awareness for the issues” argument to defend bad tracks. No. You’re not raising awareness. All you’re doing is perpetuating lazy stereotypes and dangerous falsehoods about trauma and mental illness/toxic, abusive relationships/[insert topic of choice]. You’re being extremely irresponsible as content creators. I’ve seen the argument that TV is just TV, it’s not meant to teach. I don’t agree. Like it or not, accept it or not, a medium like TV has an incredible impact on society. Especially in non-urban sectors. You as a content creator have to be aware of what message you are sending out in the name of “entertainment”. If you are raising these societal issues in your show (and claiming that you’re doing it to raise awareness) then you have the moral responsibility to disseminate the correct information. Yeah, it might not be the most “fun” or “entertaining” thing to do, or get you the ratings. Then don’t raise the topic at all na? Just write the run-of-the-mill dramatic tellywood stuff. Yeh kya baat hui ki hot topic chhedna bhi hai AWARENESS ke naam pe, and then you don’t even show the correct information? It’s just total fucking bullshit. People are already aware of the problems in society; no matter how “developed” or not the audience is. You think people in Tier 3 cities/villages don’t know mental illness exists? That misogyny/patriarchy/rape/intimate partner abuse/dowry/colorism/whatever exists? That they live in some kinda utopia where all these topics are unheard of? No. They know these issues, and have these problems, but have been dealing with them wrongly for all these years. The key part of the “raising awareness” bit of the tracks is the RESOLUTION. Showing how the characters solved the unpleasant issue in a healthy manner. That’s the educational bit, that actually creates change in society. Harneet herself gave the example of Diya Aur Baati Hum inspiring lots of real life women to enroll themselves in the police force. Now I haven’t watched that show, but I believe it’s because that show actually showed a supportive husband, who went against his family and enables his wife to complete her education and do her job. That was the major narrative of the show, repeatedly showing a healthy relationship dynamic (as opposed to just ainvayi ka “support” they show in this show, with characters going back to their unhealthy relationship patterns once a particular track ends.) Change happens when you show a positive resolution. When you build it into the fabric of the show and reiterate it over and over, despite the circumstances the characters are in. It requires thought and foresight and tight writing, to keep the material both educational and entertaining. If that “knowing English is not required to be smart” Shivika track went viral, it’s because they depicted the issue being addressed in a compelling manner, that made people think and revise their long-held POVs, and educated them to change their mindset. If that ‘don’t have kids till you’re ready’ track made any impact, it’s because they wrote it with good sense and balance; having other characters offer the conventionally-held view, and Shivaay countering it and explaining his POV in an entertaining manner. Those tracks were actually done kinda well, balancing education and entertainment. This utter garbage they’re doing of “raising an issue”, and then immediately solving it in their usual tellywood manner with dramatics and crap is DANGEROUS. That fucking #MeToo track, I hate it. They made it soooooooo dramatic, with the retro party and Anika’s sting operation and lord knows what not, that it just came across as a random bullshit plot, not any different from like the time-and-again Nafratbaaz track, or the Mohit one. They completely diluted the actual topic at hand with all the glitz and glamour surrounding it and made it seem like ‘haan things like this happen in the lives of these big-big people; here’s how they dealt with it in their usual dramatic rich ppl fashion.’ It was so shrouded in “rich people shenanigans” that I doubt it made any impact whatsoever on the larger public about how a victim should be believed and supported and empowered following an incident like this. And now the same with this track. They’ve shown Shivaay suffer for 2, 2.5 weeks now, and all it took for him to heal was “the power of his own mind”. (But not really, because we can see him really struggling in the moments he’s alone.) All they’ve done is taken away the support of Anika; he’s isolated himself due to guilt and feeling unworthy of the only person in his corner, and now he’s going to be spiraling, hurting Anika (and himself) even more in the process.

I won’t blame Gauri for yelling at him. It’s what anyone in this kinda situation would have done. What I do fault is the way they wrote how Shivaay perceived the admonition. Clearly what Gauri was saying at that moment (though not articulately, because of her panic) was that “My sister is being severely affected by your condition. You cannot be irresponsible like this and ruin both your lives. She deserves to be happy and safe with you, her husband.” She was telling him, that as Anika’s life partner, he had to BE BETTER at taking care of her (which can only happen when he handles his mental illness in a responsible manner); instead, they wrote him perceiving it as he doesn’t deserve Anika, is ruining her life, and thus should drive her away by hurting her over and over. Just…. FUCK NO. That was not the fucking message to take away here. I am so angry that this was the way they made him perceive it, making Gauri into some kinda unwitting villain in this situation, when she is not. Perhaps she was unkind in that moment of hysteria, but her intention was never to imply that he isn’t worthy of Anika. She was only showing him the mirror, how this situation affects more people than just himself. Which is an integral component of mental illness.

What they could/should have shown is this: Gauri yells at Shivaay, making him realize how it’s not just his own life is being affected by his illness, but a lot of other people too, just by virtue of being related/attached to him. Anika obviously is the one most affected. Gauri is watching her sister’s suffering every day, but also that of a brother figure that she obviously cares a lot for. OmRu and Prinku are utterly lost without their father figure and need him to have some sort of stability and guidance in life. The company he created, that hires thousands and thousands, lies at risk, affecting all those people and their livelihoods. All of these people need him to heal and be at his best and lead them, like he used to. And so when Anika wakes up, he tells her wants to get better, if not for himself, for everyone else. She assures him that she will be by his side as he recovers. He sees a professional, who assures him that with medication and therapy, the mental illness can be managed and he can be just as functional as he was before, he just needs to be aware of his new limitations and learn to work around them. Show Anika and Gauri and Bhavya being supportive as fuck as he navigates this. It just requires an episode or two to show this in a responsible manner.  But nooooooooooo. Symptoms ke naam pe toh WebMD page ko ratta maar ke padha aur dikha diya, Grey’s Anatomy se topic ka scene straight chaapa, par TREATMENT (the most important part of the issue) ke naam pe yeh kuch bhi hagg diya. Literally fuck them.

Yes, ok, it’s not wildly exciting to see Shivaay in a doctor’s office. But neither is it ultra glam to see him sitting and drinking tea with Khanna. But those kinda scenes have a purpose. It’s to depict how this character has changed over the years and is living his “new normal”. They could have still had the flashy exciting makeover and his SSO avatar coming back, but to counter OmRu in the office, as he takes over and fixes everything in that domain. Him dealing with the chutiya media/business rivals/etc. etc. They really didn’t need to have it HERE in this context, that he just “fixed himself” through sheer will-power, but is also hurting Anika repeatedly in this misguided process.

[threadsketchier]

Dude, Im boutta lose it entirely with these Pro-TLJ people because they're using the same arguments against us over and over again, when we've disproven them all. When the hell will they just sit down and accept that this movie is just utter shit?!

Well, uh, the Real and Unentertaining answer is that different strokes for different folks, unfortunately.  Some people love vegemite and I’ll never fathom that either.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

However *cracks neck* I wasn’t gonna but since you’ve given me an opportunity looks like I’m Gonna™

I made the mistake recently of eyeballing an article whose author stated that Luke Skywalker was a figure for “spoiled 70s and 80s” kids who was previously defined by his “infallible moral superiority” and I just

In what alternate universe was Luke Everyman Underdog Skywalker aimed at spoiled brats?  In what Twilight Zone dimension was the incredible mercy and peaceful defiance and self-realization he managed in ROTJ meant to be taken as “moral superiority” in a negative sense, as if that triumph is something that needs to be torn down?

Lololololol first he’s nothing but a useless candy-ass whiner but now apparently he’s Mr. Perfection wow 180 there brah *slow clap*

Let me tell you something.  My mother, her brothers, and her mother were violently abused by her alcoholic father.  She never had a real childhood.  If anyone had a better excuse to grow up to murder people, it’d be her.  Through a lot of unfortunate circumstances she was never really able to escape him for long.  (But boy, when he tried to pull that shit on me as a toddler, she nearly did kill him with her bare hands.)  And not once in his pathetic waste of a life did he ever apologize for what he did.

But as he aged into a cranky, bony old fart, my mother made the conscious choice to forgive him.  She didn’t forget what he did, nor did she ever love him, but she put the past behind her to take care of him, drive him around for errands, make sure he was fed.  For that alone, she’s a hero.  She’s so much more of a better human being than I ever could be.

Do you seriously think I’d abide anybody coming to my face to tell me that her decision is “moral superiority” that needs to be knocked off its high horse?

What on earth and in all the galaxies is so toxic about Luke Skywalker being an ordinary teenager with a good work ethic who gets bored with his bumblesticks farm chores like any 19-year old would (I’m a 32-yr old girl who bitches the day long about my corporate drudgery so I’m standing squarely in the Whine Line™) and rushes headlong into a Rebellion that plays into his personal conviction to help people and has to learn how to deal with his nightmare of a life when Satan’s Giant Cyborg Murder Hound is his dad and makes a conscious choice to have faith in the tiny sliver of good he can scrounge out of this situation and ultimately not repay evil for evil?  I’m sorry I wasn’t aware that this is a problematic scenario, apparently.

And since when has Luke ever been perfect?  That was the entire purpose of ALL of the OT characters having an arc - none of them were ever perfect, not even Princess Leia Glorious Sasshole Organa.  Luke did have to wrestle with anger and misplaced feelings of vengeance - helloooooo Burning Homestead Murder Face, dead Obi-Wan stormtrooper shoot-out, and Vader cave beheading.  He wasn’t entirely defined by his anger either.  He was a fully realized person with numerous emotions and no chill about them.  And he was already destroyed with the Maury Povich paternity revelation in ESB.  ROTJ was him putting himself back together, trying to make sense of everything, and coming right up to the precipice of darkness underneath the horror of it all.

(And tbh even anger itself is a valid emotion, especially a righteous anger towards injustice, the anger that is appalled at things that are wrong and is determined to right them.  If you’re not angry at terrible things, you’re not human.  Not being consumed by it is the key.)

Forgiveness, compassion, mercy, and non-violence are pricelessly valuable ideals to teach others, and the fact that they’re ideals makes them neither wrong nor unattainable.  Saying no to evil without returning it in kind should never be considered a decision or a lesson that needs to be unlearned or dismantled.

When I was 12 years old, I didn’t love Luke because he validated me as a spoiled brat.  (Mom did spoil me because she took pity on my sickly ass, but that’s beside the point.)  That skinny little floppy-haired dork was kind.  Although thankfully I didn’t grow up in the same hellscape as my mother, I was relentlessly bullied by both kids and adults at school.  Mom was a widow and we always felt isolated and ostracized.  I had a big, fat void of kindness in my life.  Luke filled that hole.

I got no room left for that kindness to be twisted beyond recognition into cruelty, stupidity, and selfish self-loathing so that it can be applauded as a better way for this character to be more identifiable as a postmodern “hero.”

[loremonster]

To The Nonnie Requesting Friendship Advice

...

Punch ‘em in the face and be done with it-- this kid is being a manipulative assha--

Dee! What the hell are you doing?!

Uuuuh... givin’ advice? Like the kid asked for? 

Well then, you’re giving shitty advice. 

Oh whatever. Fine, do it your way, but at least give people a read-more before you go into wall-of-text mode. 

Hello, my gray-faced friend. I’m glad you reached out for advice, but I do want to preface any words of wisdom I may pass onto you with this; I am not currently in your situation. I do not know what biases your explanation contains, I do not know your friend’s side of the story, and I have no idea the context of actions taken by any of the involved parties. Anything I tell you is going to be colored by my life experience. I’ll try to suss out my own biases as much as I can, but no human is capable of doing so completely. I am not a professional. I am not a councilor, nor a psychologist, or even a social worker. I am a person on the web... that said, I appear to be a person on the web who you see as trustworthy, so I shall value that trust and do the best I can. 

Before we dig into your friend, however, I’d like to dig into you. I find it interesting that you recognize that your friend deals with both anxiety and depression without qualification, but when it comes to the fact that they’re trans you felt the need to add about four or five sentences of ‘I don’t get it but I’m still totally an ally’, followed by ‘But they’re doing things I recognize as female-coded so I think they’re digging their own grave’. Clothes and make-up are not feminine. They are coded feminine by the world around us. Often when one is struggling with themselves and their lives, particularly when they were born biosex female and encouraged towards that gender performance their whole lives thus far, one of the things that makes a hard day a little better is self-expression and making the effort to feel attractive-- and society doesn’t have a lot of socially acceptable ways for males to do that. You’ve pointed out that your friend is engaging in ‘feminine’ behaviors and then complaining of dysphoria, but part of those behaviors being viewed as feminine is that everyone keeps reinforcing the known status quo. This is less for this specific situation and more for general allyship, but please try to remove the idea that clothing and make-up are gendered things. They’re not, and they only continue to be that way in the mass consciousness because people who are not harmed by that gendering choose not to think about it. 

Moving on,

A great deal of the behavior you’ve described is of someone who his manipulating those around them. I’m going to make a few base assumptions about you and your friends, including your problem friend-- that you’re all somewhere between the ages of 15 and 25, that your ‘friend’ doesn’t have the best home life on the planet, and you yourself are a highly empathetic person who often makes friends with troubled individuals. Working on these base assumptions, let’s parse out your ‘friend’s’ behavior. 

The fact that they constantly dump on you, but don’t really listen or engage when you need someone to vent to, is an inequality in the friendship. It’s one thing to understand that they’re having a bad day with depression or anxiety, but its entirely another to never allow one party in a friendship seek relief because the other is always too wound up to be supportive. That’s unhealthy, and unfair, and something you may want to talk to him about if you decide this is something you want to attempt to fix. That’s a hard fucking conversation, and it’s not just one conversation. It’s many. It starts with “Hey, can we talk? I feel like I’m doing a lot to support you a lot of the time, but when I need someone you’re not really there for me.” It’s hard, but its important to be open, be honest, and have a real discussion about what they’re doing to you without invalidating your own feelings. Don’t let them equivocate, and if he responds with anything along the lines of “Oh, I guess I’m just a terrible asshole who shouldn’t talk to anyone again ever” THAT IS A MASSIVE RED FLAG, DO NOT TRY TO WALK THAT SHIT BACK, THAT IS A MANIPULATIVE TACTIC TO MAKE YOU APOLOGIZE WHEN HE WAS THE ONE WHO WRONGED YOU. Any shit like that, do not let your ‘holy shit I can’t believe I made him feel that way’ instinct kick in-- physically walk away. I mean it. Get up, say nothing, walk away. It hurts, it’s hard, but a real conversation about your imbalance issues can’t take place with that kind of BS going on. 

This is the point where I’m going to tell you exactly what you don’t want to hear. You can’t fix him. I know you want to help, I know you want to make his life better, you want to be that positive person who never gave up on him so when his life gets better he will always remember you as the supportive friend who never gave up-- forget that. That kind of determination is what allows empathetic people to be ripped apart by others, and that kind of over-investment can cause you to insert yourself too far into their lives and make both you and them feel like the world would fall apart if you weren’t friends. That is unhealthy, for both of you. 

You’ve also mentioned he does shitty things, as well as attention-seeking behavior, and pulls away from the group when called out on being shitty. First I would question what ‘calling out’ means-- if you are quite literally going after him in a public setting, I can understand why he’d pull away and be like ‘fuck y’all’, but, if you are taking him aside in a more personal manner and going “Hey, dude, that thing you did back there? That was hurtful to [person x]” or “Man, I don’t wanna put you on the spot but [thing y] was just a not cool thing to do/say.” When it’s just one person, not the whole group, taking you off to the side and being kind but firm about a correction, it can go a long way to helping someone with anxiety figure their shit out... which is what I feel like your friend is doing right now-- figuring himself out. The sense I get is that your friend is a younger person who may be somewhat socially inept, but has held fast to that idea as part of themselves rather than recognizing it as a lacking skill they can practice. They might have grown up in a house where manipulation was the key way family members got each other to do things, or perchance lacking in specific role models from whom he would have learned these social behaviors from. You can help teach him how to be a better friend, but only if he wants to learn, and a big part of learning how to be a better human is admitting you’ve been a shitty one, and that’s not a fun time for anyone. He will get upset. He will get butthurt. He will feel like everyone is against him and he’s losing control of his life-- just like if someone came up to you and told you you’ve been doing it wrong for years and you’ve got to change everything you’ve ever known until now. 

All of this said, let’s circle back to that mention of red flags and manipulation-- because I get the feeling that you’re a younger individual as well. You might even still be in middle or high school. If you are, I’m about to tell you something else you probably don’t want to hear.

Most of your friends are probably abusive to you. This is simply a fact of making friends within school-- your choice of whom you associate with is limited by your school, your grade level, who you share classes with, who you share clubs with, who you’re aware of and how you’re aware of them. Particularly if you’re in a small town, your choices for friends might be pretty slim, but because humans are social animals we’re programmed to simply overlook certain flaws to gain our needed social contact. Usually the unhealthiness of these seminal relationships happen in smaller ways-- a friend who isn’t great at listening, a buddy you only do certain activities with because you can’t stand them outside that context, someone who was great to talk to that one time but turns out to have the shittiest world view and constantly smack-talks everything you believe in... but when someone is being outright abusive in the worst ways, such as trying to isolate you from your other connections, manipulating you into staying when you really don’t want to be part of this shit anymore, making you fear what they might do to harm themselves should you end the friendship, and constantly bringing up how much they need you, but never ever once recognizing that you might need them from time to time... these are ways in which young relationships are unhealthy enough to do real damage to you, and you have the right to walk away. You have the right to cut toxic people out of your life. 

This process is not easy. It is not fun. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do socially if you decide to do it, but it can be one of the best things you’ve ever done for yourself. It will hurt like hell as you’re doing it, but you will be looking out for your own mental and social health. 

At the same time, if you don’t feel your ‘friend’ isn’t being outright abusive to you, and you still care enough to try and help, see if there’s a councilor you can meet with to discuss some of the issues you’re having. If you’re in school, still, there are often resources open to students experiencing social troubles. If not, many communities do have services available for not as much as you’d think. Look for a councilor or social worker specializing in personal relationships, and if you find someone who you trust, see if you can get your friend to go with you to talk to them in a group session. The councilor can act as a mediator, a calm and neutral third party, to get the conversation going and prevent butthurt tantrums from derailing the discussion that really needs to be had. 

Try to foster understanding with your other friends if you’re going to try and stick with this person. Discuss with them some of your fears, and see what their take is on your specific situation with this friend. Getting the thoughts of other observers can put your own experiences into better perspective, and those friends can support you if you decide to walk away from this friendship and let this guy continue on his own path without you. 

Please, remember, you always have the right to walk away. It is not your job to fix this person. If they are making you responsible for their happiness, they are not controlling their own life, and that is unhealthy for both of you. 

You have the right to walk away.

Ooooooor...?

OR you can punch ‘em in the face... but I really don’t recommend that course of action. 

I hope this helped, friend, and I wish you the best of luck. 

[deardaughter]

Rather Be...

I’ll say it now. This is not for everybody. 

Some of us are already there--already perfect--already intentional about the moves we make on a ‘daily.’ (side eye)

Well, that is not me! My journey has been long and full of some mistakes, chile.

But I’ll let you be perfect and just tell all my business (it’s therapeutic anyway lol). You can just sit and listen and be perfect and intentional and what not. 

Still here?... ok Cool!

So, the other day as I was walking out of the bank, approaching my car, I thought to myself, “Self, you really need a new car.” I guess my dented passenger-side door was just so aesthetically displeasing to my subconscious that I couldn’t ignore it as I normally do. 

I have thoughts like this all the time, I’m sure we all do. If it’s not a new car, it’s a new handbag, shoes, pair of jeans, etc. 

But here’s the kicker! I’ve been fasting! and praying! and meditating! so that initial thought was then followed by, “Nah, I’d rather have my shit together, than to merely look like I have my shit together.” 

Boom! Code cracked! Done-zo! I win! LOL 

But we don’t just arrive at this place. It takes work to prioritize what is important and what is not when it comes to finances. It also takes work to resist the urge to measure ourselves by how many beautiful things we can attain.

In retrospect, I wondered what is it that drives that instinct that would rather look good than to actually be living a truly “good” lifestyle. 

I don’t think that this mentality is an isolated attribute of black people. HOWEVER, it has been my experiences with (black) friends and family members that we focus far too much on outward appearance rather than discovering our inner selves. 

So I’ll pose this question: How many of us actually LIVE in a way where we strive to be BALANCED  and in harmony in all three of these areas?

Mind

Body

Spirit

An unbalanced life is draining. I equate it to death. You cannot produce anything from a depleted/abandoned source. 

Death seems like a harsh description, right? 

Well I think it’s fitting...

I’ve faced a season where I was mentally weak. In that time I was more susceptible to depression, and although it came in waves, it was real. My body is still recovering from years of neglect and taking it for granted. I experienced weight gain because I ate poorly, overly consumed alcohol, ignored warning signs of high blood pressure and I developed laziness. 

My spirit was the only thing that I was constantly ‘feeding.’ The problem was although the mind, body and soul served me in different ways, each one is codependent on the other and intersects in a way that if one is not being nurtured, it has a tendency to affect the others and subsequently interrupt the harmony of life. With that said, even when my spirit was being fed, the lack of balance among all three areas ultimately led to struggles with my faith, complacency in toxic relationships and self-doubt.  

I’m 32 now and it’s simple; the goal is to be better. I have the FINAL say in the direction my life takes. (Prayer: God, I hope that you are pleased with my desires.)

It is time to do away with pretense and pretending. Everything is not always “FINE,” and that is OKAY. I have issues, but i’m done ignoring them in efforts to appear like I’ve got it all together.

My question, and the reason for this article is WHY? Why is it more important to look like we have it all together, rather than actually having it together?

Consider for a moment this theory: what we don’t know and recognize about the black experience in American history, aides in our demise. You know the saying...when you know better you… DO BETTER!

A large portion of black people do not know the full history of the brutality America has inflicted on the black race. This evil has had a residual impact on the lives of many black Americans.

Dr. Joy Degruy, author of “Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome” helps lend some insight as to why, frankly speaking, ‘we do what we do!’ 

She suggests that our tendency to make certain decisions (or lack thereof) are adaptive and survival behaviors. Degruy states, 

“much of who we are is developed by our environment and the things we see in our families, communities and legacies. What we arrive at in terms of what we believe we are capable of has to do with those significant people in our environment. If those people are broken (for whatever reason) then we are getting broken concepts, beliefs and perceptions. Brokenness. And we incorporate that in our lives.” 

This concept of adaptive behavior is proven true in a myriad of ways; from the food that we eat, to the way we think about who we are. 

She goes further in calling this an intercultural phenomena that exist and is being passed down through generations affecting contemporary black people. 

In other words, cycles of uninformed (bad) decisions continuously impact our futures. Our best bet is to unpack, unlearn and rediscover. No longer should we normalize making poor decisions. 

There has never been any global intervention for the black race. We have to do the work ourselves. We have to teach ourselves so that we can teach our children the truth about who they are.  

For some of us, we have never heard this information from this perspective. And sometimes new (life altering/identity altering) information may ignite a deep sense of hopelessness, which I experienced in my early years of self discovery. To combat that emotion I continued seeking knowledge and in do so I regained hope. As I continued reading Degruy’s book I came across these words:

“So what became of us, the prodigal children, since leaving home (Africa)? We experienced the appalling cruelty of being stripped from our native land, and being torn from our families and endured the tortuous journey of the ‘middle passage’ . . . and we still rose. We were divested of our language, culture and customs, bought and sold like livestock, raped and bred to perpetuate more victims, crushed beneath more than two centuries of government-sanctioned tyranny . . . and we still rose. We were made to labor a lifetime for another with no recompense, only to be released to suffer even more from the indignities of the Black Codes, Convict Leasing, Peonage and Jim Crow . . . and we still rose. Thousands upon thousands of us continued to be brutalized, marginalized, tortured and lynched . . . and still we rose. How is it that a people who suffer generation upon generation from abuses such as these and more still manage to rise! Yes, we have still managed to rise. In spite of our past we have still made strides. 

We are a people of uncommon strength and fortitude.”

We Rise! We have to continue educating ourselves about the past in order to get to a more promising future. I come from a very loving family. I do not come from a background of scholars. My people taught me what their mothers taught them. Some of that information is useful, while some has been harmful. However, if we are to move ahead and thrive we need to truly understand and accept who we are as a people. Bless you black sister/brother.

THE END… thanks for reading!  

Key words:

Post traumatic slave syndrome (PTSS): a condition that exists when a population has experienced multigenerational trauma resulting from centuries of slavery and continues to experience oppression and institutionalized racism today.

intercultural phenomena: a fact or situation that is observed to exist or has been passed down through generations within a cultural community.

Adaptive behaviors: who we are is developed by our environment and the things we see in our families, communities and legacies.

Disclaimer: This is not to box anyone in. If you cannot relate, keep it moving.

[allenmendezsr]

The Key To Power

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/the-key-to-power/

The Key To Power

 Buy Now

    Have you ever looked for The Key which would allow you to unlock the door to complete fulfilment?

Would you like to accumulate as much material wealth as you desire?

Do you want to experience truly incredible self-confidence, passionate relationships and the ultimate in physical energy and vitality?

Do you want to break out of the 9-to-5 rat race and start living life on your terms?

If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then please read this message very carefully. In the next few minutes you will learn exactly how all of these things are perfectly achievable when you discover and master something called The Key to Power…

The word power sometimes has negative connotations, especially when we think of those individuals who abuse positions of authority or exploit other people. In the sense that we use the word here, however, power should be viewed as something wholly positive, because it is the only thing that will ever give you the ability to create and live your life exactly as you see fit.

In today’s world, if you don’t have any power then you won’t have much control over your life. You won’t have much freedom either, because that is also something that comes from having personal power.

Take a look around and you will see millions of people in precisely that situation. They spend hours working at jobs they hate, they receive poor rewards for doing so, and they can find no way to improve their situation no matter how hard they try. Many of those people also tend to feel just as powerless in the rest of their lives, and express varying degrees of dissatisfaction with their relationships, their physical and mental health (weight problems, stress and anxiety are very common complaints) and their lifestyle in general.

Those who try to change their lives usually make the mistake of focusing on the individual problems that they face, and so they make huge efforts to earn more money, get in shape, reduce their stress levels and improve their relationships. Although such intentions are admirable, that kind of approach seldom works over the long term because it doesn’t address the one thing which is causing their problems in the first place – the simple lack of personal power.

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[notstpd-a-blog]

LUX DOES A VERY SCATTER BRAINED META POST.

victims & survivors of child abuse are most likely to develop cases of post-traumatic stress disorder and tend to have very serious cases. people who live with ptsd often have flashbacks (which has been displayed many times within the show’s first season when she’s anxiously pacing and waiting for mike and see’s the cat; also while watching the television and seeing the coca cola commercial, while she’s sitting in the closet waiting for mike to come back, etc). they are more prone to nightmares and intrusive memories where they feel as if they are reliving the event - which could lead to potential meltdowns.

a sufferer of ptsd experiences increased anxiety and startles fairly easily - this can be seen evidently in loud sounds that startle her or fast movements. she’s been through very inhumane and traumatic things - all of this is going to lead to her being very closed off when it comes to being around people. it’s going to lead to her being selectively mute and weary of others. it’s going to make it hard to maintain eye contact because she’s not overly trusting.

eleven has also spent her life hidden away from the common things that a child knows, learns and grows up with. she has minimal experiences with all forms of technology or toys or even food because i highly doubt she was fed five course meals while she was in the lab. eleven eats eggos all the time because that is what mike gave her - that is what she is used to eating. she knows she likes eggos, they are familiar to her and therefore - she’s going to eat them. it would be vaguely similar to going to a restaurant and knowing you already have a favourite item at the place that you know tastes good and are comfortable with - perhaps you would order the familiar item over something different.

 if we bring up how the fact that eleven didn’t have a maternal figure or much nurturing as a child. if we look at the experiment conducted by harry harlow in 1959 - it brought in the nature vs nurture debate. it taught us the importance of nurture and love on young children and how important that bond is into the development of a child’s mental state and how they would function in society. this impacts the way in which these children learn basic social skills and appropriate behaviors. we can see this displayed quite often in the events of both seasons in the manner in which she often carries herself. be it attempting to change clothes in front of the boys in the first season, an inability to process emotions in a healthy manner, gaps in knowledge.

if you wanted to take it a step further, you could compare it to children who were left in total isolation with no contact whatsoever and just how difficult it is to integrate into society after being completely isolated. while she was surrounded by some people, she was still kept in some isolation. even during the days in the cabin during season two. there’s no doubt that she could move within society on her own - that’s evident in her search for her birth mother and even in episode 7′s The Lost Sister. she’s able to make her way through the world with minor difficulty even if she doesn’t communicate in ways that would fit our social norm.

this doesn’t mean that she’s not intelligent. she’s highly skilled in survival tactics, etc. she’s developed her own way of articulating with words that are comforting to her. dead = gone and missing = hiding. these words aren’t harsh but they convey the same meaning to her that the others would. i feel like you can feel the absence of someone when they are gone / leave and that can often be something that is quite heavy. such is the weight of losing someone that passes. they’re “gone.”   i think feelings are things that she feels very heavily, so much so that she even tries to hide them. i remember back in season one when mike opened the closet door and asked her if she was okay. there was a lot of comfort there in knowing that he was there, that she was safe and she wasn’t actually back in the place she fought so hard to escape from. but also that these are fears and feelings that she doesn’t want anyone to know.

i keep thinking back to that scene in the season one where they’re in the school gym. she’s focusing so heavily on having to find will and barb. feeling just how serious the situation is, everyone is practically projecting their emotions on her, their fears and stresses. she’s the key to fixing and solving this entire thing - there is no time for her to try and feel things. no time for her to express these things. they’re bottled up, they are hidden. this is how she channels so much anger, so much strength when she’s closing those gates. it’s an outlet that allows her to free up what she’s fought so hard to hide. the one turning point that i think meant a good portion to her was that moment with joyce, comforting her in that pool in the school. telling her that it’s okay for her to feel things, that she was brave - that she’s right there.

that was a BIG thing, the idea that she’s allowed to even FEEL things and to have support? such a foreign concept but now something that she’s coming to notice and realize. that’s why she finds so much comfort in mike, losing him and being away from him for so long is horrible. a feeling of helplessness when she can’t be there to support him. he was there for her in moments of vulnerability, moments of fear and strength. he helped her find strength and comfort in herself - reassuring her that she wasn’t the monster that she thought herself to be. i feel because of the adoration and support that he’s shown her, she’s been able to come out of her shell a bit more.

even so with hopper in season two. here is an adult, taking on the role of father for a child that isn’t his own. one that he didn’t have to look out for - one that he could have simply left behind. he’s teaching her new vocabulary terms, trying to help her learn how to navigate the world and to be aware of the things that may be there to harm here. despite the difficulties that there may be, the conflict between them. he’s shown her that he cares - that he’s there for her. she’s opened up to him more over their time together, trusting him more and more. speaking more and more. he’s almost a role model despite mistakes he may make. he’s a good reminder that it’s only human to make mistakes and learn from them.

[keepingupwithfundies]

For anyone new to following fundie families and new to this blog: We are not just another fan blog, we are critically following these families and their offspring. We praise, where praise is due with even the smallest steps in the right direction (pants) we critisize where it is neccessary (religious and sexual discrimination of others, brainwashing their children, sexism, to just name a few.) (Annie)

For an upclose, eye-witness report from Brooke Arnold on how life was growing up in the Duggar church/ under the ATI homeschool curriculum read the following text:

I could’ve been a Duggar wife: I grew up in the same church, and the abuse scandal doesn’t shock me   (by Brooke Arnold)

Like a real-life Kimmy Schmidt, I fled the exploitative and abusive sect into a culture I couldn’t fully understand

Unlike most of the writers covering the Duggar sex scandal, I was raised in Advanced Training Institute (ATI), the fundamentalist Christian organization with which the family is affiliated. Joshua Duggar’s confession of sexually molesting young girls in his family’s home when he was a teenager didn’t surprise me, nor should it surprise anyone with any intimate knowledge about this organization, because ATI’s theological beliefs and practices cultivate an environment where women and children are more vulnerable to rape and sexual abuse. Ironically, the same theological beliefs and practices at the heart of this scandal are the same beliefs that created the Duggars as a media phenomenon, and drew viewers and fans to their TLC show “19 Kids and Counting.”

Non-mainstream religious sects have certainly been enjoying a cultural moment on television: “The Following,” “Sister Wives,” “Breaking Amish.” Netflix’s dark comedy “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” explores the media hype around religious cult survivors in satirical detail. For me, though, that show should have come with a trigger warning, because in many ways, I am a real Kimmy Schmidt — a woman who spent her adolescence trapped inside a metaphorical bunker, and then was thrust into a world that she had never been prepared to be a part of.

The Duggars didn’t emerge from a subterranean bunker, though. They’ve been on TV promoting the fundamentalist Christian theology of ATI since their first special in 2004 (“14 Children and Pregnant Again!”). ATI is a Christian homeschool organization that hosts seminars worldwide, provides homeschooling curriculum, and even runs its own paramilitary training center. At one point, it was strongly affiliated with a Christian correspondence course law school. Its members are not concentrated in one area, and yet they maintain insular groups and often form churches in which all members are affiliated with ATI and/or follow its basic principles. Referred to as “Gothardism” within fundamentalist Christian circles, the teachings of ATI form an ideological system of practices based on the extremely strict, fundamentalist, and idiosyncratic Biblical interpretations of the organization’s founder, Bill Gothard – a man who, in 2014, stepped down as head of ATI following allegations of sexual misconduct with young girls.

The allegations against “Mr. Gothard” (as he is respectfully and worshipfully referred to by his acolytes) were an open secret among group members for many years. As a friend who worked at ATI headquarters once said to me with a wink: “The prettiest girls are always chosen to work the closest with Mr Gothard.”

ATI’s teachings trickle down into every single part of its members’ lives. This is not just a homeschool curriculum, it is a fully institutionalized religious sect with incredibly strict demands to conformity — rules that, in my experience, more often reflect Gothard’s personal preferences than actual Biblical teachings. Have you ever wondered why every Duggar woman perms her hair? It’s because Gothard taught us that curly hair brings out a woman’s natural beauty. Other ATI beliefs that I learned range from utterly bizarre to downright barbaric, like the creator of Cabbage Patch Kid dolls is actually a Satanic wizard who implants demons into the dolls that then sneak into children’s bodies while they are sleeping — along with the old standard that rock music is inherently sinful. One boy from our church would walk around supermarkets with his fingers plugged into his ears to prevent himself from hearing it.

And then there are the beliefs that are more central to the portrayal of ATI on TV through the Duggar family, which are also shared throughout the church’s teachings: the antiquated dress codes (especially for girls and women), the required homeschooling, the prohibition on birth control, the strictly gendered division of labor and the absolute and unquestioned authority of the father within the home.

One key difference worth noting between the “reality” show of “19 Kids and Counting” and the actual reality of ATI, though, is the relative affluence of the Duggars compared to most ATI families. The Duggars live in a spacious Discovery Networks-funded home, but it was not unusual, in my church, for two parents and ten children to live packed into a singlewide trailer. These children usually wear threadbare hand-me-downs already passed through several rounds of siblings. Many of them look malnourished due to the abundance of starchy meals necessary on a lean one-parent income. Women and mothers working outside of the home is absolutely forbidden in ATI no matter what the financial situation of the family. Some women are even required to get permission from their husbands if they want to obtain a driver’s license.

That affluence makes the constant growth of the Duggar family — their wildly exaggerated version of a large family upon which their TV fame is built — possible. The foundation of the Duggars’ fame is the fecundity of Michelle Duggar. Even the name of the show changes as she gives birth again and again and again. Each child is another notch on Jim Bob’s headboard, walking and talking proofs of his masculine virility. Despite this fascination with Michelle’s fertility, there is a critical question that no one ever seems to be ask on camera: just how fragile is the boundary between the loss of a woman’s reproductive control over her body and the loss of her sexual control over her body? From my experience in the ATI culture, it is very, very slim.

A cornerstone belief of ATI is that God appoints husbands in an “umbrella of authority” over their wives, who are mandated by God to obey their husbands completely. That includes absolute sexual and reproductive submission. The inevitable result of such a demand is the tacit sanctioning of spousal rape — if a woman’s body belongs to God and to her husband before it belongs to her, then her consent becomes irrelevant.

Women aren’t allowed ownership of their thoughts, either. At annual ATI conferences, married women are separated from everyone else and asked if they are having thoughts about using birth control, or if they feel resentment about having so many children. Answer “yes” to this and someone might tell you that those thoughts come from demons whispering into their ears. Many women in our church looked slumped over from constant exhaustion. My close friend’s mother even refused treatment for breast cancer because she saw the disease as God saving her from her abusive husband, and the burden of caring for her many children.

Like any system of abuse, ATI relies on control to maintain its power, and a critical component of that power is the total indoctrination of its members through its homeschool curriculum. The so-called “Wisdom Booklets” that form the backbone of ATI children’s educations contain more Bible verses than they do information. Particularly lacking, in a religious sect so obsessed with reproduction, is any kind of sex education. This is especially true for young women, who receive very little sex education because the church teaches us that women do not have sex drives. However, the opposite is believed of men: ATI teaches that men have nearly uncontrollable sex drives ready to erupt at the mere sight of a pant leg or a perm. To illustrate this point: ATI families are encouraged to maintain a “no computer” rule for their sons, but not their daughters. Gothard also encouraged men to turn toward the wall when dining at restaurants so as not to be “tempted” by a waitress or a stray attractive woman.

Not that our supposed lack of sex drive absolved us from sexual responsibility. ATI taught us that it is our job to keep men’s desires from erupting into lust or sexual activity. We were taught that it was our sin if we “cause a man to lust after us.” I spent many nights as an early-developed teenager crying and begging God to take away my large breasts, because I noticed men’s eyes had begun to linger on me during church. Modesty wasn’t only about dress, it was also about behavior. Women were taught from a very young age that they are to be submissive in all things: allowing men to open doors for us (even to get out of a car), never initiating conversation with a man and never correcting a man when he was wrong. Essentially, a good ATI woman is sweet, silent, and obedient.

This combination of zero sexual knowledge and deeply-ingrained submissiveness left many young girls in our church especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. As a teenager, I became aware that several of my friends were being molested by their older brothers or fathers. They would start stilted conversations with me about it, but none of us actually understood the concept of sex or rape or molestation enough to actually discuss it, so it stayed on the level of furtively whispered hints.

That vulnerability to abuse increases through the isolation of homeschool. There are no teachers or school counselors for abused children to confide in, so for most of them, the abuse would continue for their entire adolescence. The only hope of escape for young women was through courtship and marriage to a man, who would attempt to immediately impregnate her and to whom she would then relinquish all sexual control.

I didn’t become the victim of sexual exploitation until after I had left my home and the church. Growing up in such an isolated environment, I had only a vague idea of what the world beyond our church would be like. Fortunately, I was both brave enough and naïve enough to try and find out. Most of the people that I grew up with were never that lucky. I try, even now, to figure out how I could have abandoned everyone and everything I had ever known. The only thing that makes sense is this: I believed that there had to be something better than the life I had been raised to have. I believed that there had to be something better than courtship and marriage to a man my father (and “God”) selected for me, followed by a quiverfull of children of my own.

I was both right and very, very wrong.

After I left, I found myself suddenly thrust into a world that I was totally unprepared to navigate. Like Kimmy Schmidt fleeing from her bunker into the sunlight, I suddenly found myself surrounded by people and events that I had never been prepared for. It was nothing like the comically magical larger world that Kimmy Schmidt finds herself in. There were no handsome rich men, no forgiving landlords, no fabulous roommates, and certainly no sacks of cash. I entered a world full of things that I did not understand and a world full of people whose ill intentions I could not interpret or comprehend.

The same sexual ignorance that had made my friends vulnerable while in the church haunted me after I left. The first time I had sex, I didn’t fully understand what was happening to me. When it was over, I noticed that I was bleeding, and I became convinced that God was going to kill me for my sin of causing lust in a man. I lay on the dirty floor of my cheap apartment’s bathroom begging for God’s forgiveness, begging to start over again, and begging for my family’s love, which I knew had now been forever forfeited by my sin. At that point, I had no frame of reference to understand that someone had taken sexual advantage of me, because the concept of date rape wasn’t part of ATI’s “Umbrella of Authority.”

My decision to leave the church caused a permanent wedge between me and my family, who believe that I’m sinful for pursuing an education, for living with my boyfriend, and for everything that I’m proud that I’ve accomplished. Compared to most of the people that I grew up with, I usually think of myself as one of the lucky ones. But I lost 17 years of my life to ATI. And because I was homeschooled, I have to check the GED box on job applications. I feel immodest when I wear a tank top. I still get confused when someone mentions “the ninth grade,” “homecoming” or some movie that everyone my age grew up watching. I’ve spent years desperately trying to put it all behind me, and yet, I still feel like an outsider. I probably always will.

The past week has been incredibly difficult, as I’ve seen my most personal trauma mocked and exploited in the media. I hope this latest religion and sex scandal teaches that religious extremism isn’t entertainment. It is abuse. It is abuse when it is used to manipulate, control and victimize those who are rendered helpless within its confines. We should examine how we allow the most vulnerable members of our society to become prey for power-hungry religious leaders and sexual predators. Yes, the family is to blame. Yes, ATI is to blame. But so are we, for spending the past decade pointing and laughing along.

Article  by Brooke Arnold from salon.com

[megamikethomson]

ESCORTS IN LAHORE

Former sex workers see value in trafficking education

BRADENTON, Fla. (AP) — When Kimberly Weller applied for a job at the spa tucked into a seedy Bradenton strip mall near the airport, there was no talk about her skills as a masseuse or related work experience.

The job interview was just one question:

"You know what this is, right?" LAHORE ESCORTS

She knew. She wouldn't be giving massages or pampering soccer moms looking to de-stress. She would be having sex with a steady stream of customers.

The 24-hour brothel, just around the corner from a Manatee County elementary school, charged $60 for an hour with Kimberly. She kept half, plus tips, and was soon making up to $700 a day. She was easily out-earning her fellow graduates from Sarasota Military Academy, class of 2006.

She took the job because she wanted to be in control of how she earned her money, and as a kid, movies like "Pretty Woman" had glamorized life as a sex worker.

"In my mind at least, I was controlling the situation," she said. "I was reaping the benefits that I thought were there."

But life at the brothel didn't bring shopping sprees with Richard Gere. Instead, it was horrifying encounters with beer-soaked construction workers, businessmen on their way to work, grandfathers on vacation. ESCORTS IN LAHORE

She had never heard the term "sex trafficking" when she started work at the brothel, and she didn't notice the pattern at first — that every other girl working there had similar stories of childhood sexual abuse. While the spa owner's bank account grew, the girls had all become drug addicts, needing to be high to do the job and needing the job to get high. She was no longer in control.

Teachers and guidance counselors had warned her and her classmates of the dangers of drinking and drugs, but no one had ever mentioned the predators looking to get rich off of broken girls like Kimberly, who believed it was her fault her family member molested her as an 8-year-old.

If a teacher or mentor had intervened when she was in elementary school and told her she was actually being abused and given her someone to talk to, her decisions down the road may have been different, she said.

That is why a new rule adopted by the Florida Board of Education gives her some hope.

This month, Florida became the first state in the nation requiring sex-trafficking education as part of every student's curriculum.

"Tragically, human trafficking is an epidemic in our country," Gov. Ron DeSantis said upon passage of the new rule. "Children of all ages need to know and understand the hazards of human trafficking and how to protect themselves from dangerous predators." LAHORE ESCORTS

The new policy requires every school district to implement age-appropriate lessons about the dangers of one of the state's fastest-growing industries.

"I think it is going to be an eye-opener for our students," said Valerie Ellery, the Florida Department of Education's new Human Trafficking Education Specialist. "We are very grateful we are able to have this rule passed so we can start doing education."

The new state rule comes at the same time U.S. Rep. Vern Buchanan, R-Longboat Key, and Alcee Hastings, D-Fort Lauderdale, filed bipartisan legislation that would provide $75 million in grant funding over five years to nonprofits and schools to develop curriculum to "understand, recognize, prevent and respond to signs of human trafficking."

- Age-appropriate curriculum    ESCORTS IN LAHORE

School districts have until Dec. 1 to select a DOE-approved trafficking education curriculum, and teachers will receive training to implement the material into their coursework. One of the lead proponents for the rule was Selah Freedom, a Sarasota-based national organization that works with survivors of sex trafficking and which is already doing trafficking education in seven school districts in Florida.

Getting schools to talk about trafficking isn't easy, Ellery said. The term can conjure images of children being kidnapped and held hostage as sex slaves, and school administrators have been leery of fearmongering.

Ellery wants to get the message out that, in an internet-soaked culture in which one in 10 children have experienced childhood sexual abuse, the reality of child trafficking is far more common and insidious than parents or educators may think.

"Trafficking can occur with anybody for anybody," Ellery said. "We need to be aware and know what are the indicators that the perpetrators are using."

The key to effective trafficking education is making it age appropriate, Ellery said. Kindergarteners won't be learning about sexual assault or life as a prostitute, but will instead talk about "safe and unsafe touch" and the difference between a secret and a surprise.

One of the goals of the legislation is to teach young children that if someone touches them inappropriately, it is important to tell a trusted adult.

"We are talking about safe adults, what fear looks like, how to use our voices if we are in situations where we feel fearful or yucky," said Kyra Montaque, the Southeast Prevention Coordinator at Selah.

Elizabeth Melendez Fisher Good, the CEO and co-founder of Selah Freedom, said of the thousands of women Selah Freedom has worked with over its eight years in existence, 100% had been the victim of childhood sexual abuse, and most kept it a secret.

High school students will learn about tactics used by traffickers and not to be naive to strange adult behavior.

Normal grown men aren't interested in hanging out with high school girls and showering them with gifts, said Good. If a 15-year-old girl all of a sudden has a 27-year-old "friend" who buys her an iPhone, she should suspect he has some other motive.

Good said one of the goals of trafficking education is encouraging female self-confidence.

"If a guy comes over and says, 'You girls are beautiful,' he is looking for the one who looks down and says, 'No I am not,'" Good said. "They don't want to take on a confident girl."

Teachers won't be expected to serve as counselors or therapists under the new state rule. They'll be trained and administer the curriculum, but if a student comes forward with concerns, teachers will direct students to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, through the PolarisProject. Nonprofits like Selah and other groups providing the curriculum will also provide support.

- Not here

Ellery said part of her job is helping people understand trafficking isn't isolated to back alleys in bad neighborhoods.

"We do have that mentality of thinking 'not in our hometown, not here, it must be somewhere else,'" she said.   ESCORTS IN LAHORE

In 2014, police discovered a prostitution ring involving students at Riverview, Sarasota and Venice high schools. Alexa De Armas, a 17-year-old Sarasota High girl, and Julian Luis Mathena, a 15-year-old Venice High boy, teamed up to recruit classmates to have sex with men in exchange for money and alcohol.

The pair arranged an encounter between a 15-year-old female classmate and John Mosher, a 21-year-old dishwasher, in a community pool shed in Nokomis. The girl said she didn't want to have sex with Mosher, but he held her against the wall. In exchange, he gave her classmates $40 and a bottle of alcohol.

The students saw how easy the money was and started crafting plans to recruit more girls through a series of online messages, according to investigators who searched the pair's Facebook accounts.

The students planned to "pimp hoes," charging $50 to $70 for oral sex, $100 for sex with a virgin, and giving the prostitutes a 40% cut, according to the online exchange.

"lol we need to start a business," wrote De Armas, whose mother had been a participant in the Selah program.

After students alerted Venice High administrators that De Armas and Mathena had tried to recruit them, police arrested the pair and charged them with human trafficking. Mosher was arrested and charged with sexual battery on a victim older than 12, and he received a sentence of one year and a day, plus three years of probation.

- Hope for girls like her

Kimberly's time at the brothel in Bradenton was short-lived. She began smoking crystal meth between clients and developed the scabs and grim appearance the drug is known for. As her appearance deteriorated, customers were less interested in her services, and she ended up getting fired after four months.

"I kind of looked a little bit like a zombie," she said. "I'm the only person I know who can be successfully terminated from a house of ill repute."

What came next were three and a half years of walking U.S. 41 and countless sexual encounters with men in an abandoned lot where the Wicked Cantina Mexican restaurant now stands. She was assaulted more times than she can remember.

It seemed like a strange life for a girl who graduated from Sarasota Military Academy with a 3.75 grade point average. She had grown up in a home where they got new bikes every year for Christmas and Nintendo 64 the day it was released.

"I used to say when I was on the street I don't know how I ended up here," she said.

She got picked up in a sting operation in 2016 and had the option of jail or a recovery program through Selah, which has partnered with the State Attorney's Office and Sarasota Police Department to offer programs as an alternative to incarceration.

She completed Selah's intensive program over the next two years and now works as a nail specialist at the Paint Nail Bar in Sarasota. She is also the nail salon's National Brand Ambassador and oversees a partnership with Selah to provide work opportunities for women participating in the program.

Three women from Selah work at Paint now, and Kimberly is mentoring one of them, a 19-year-old former Sarasota County School District student who got pulled into prostitution.

After the countless hours of therapy, Kimberly understands more clearly how she got swept up into "the life."

She doesn't blame anyone else for her choices, but she is able to connect the dots more clearly now — from the sexually abused child, to a girl with deteriorating self-worth and a feeling that all she was good for was sex.

She also sees more clearly the role the brothel owners, countless buyers and her pimp on the street played. They saw a girl who had no self-confidence and could be taken advantage of, and she is hopeful that the new state mandate will help girls like her avoid those predators.

"In that person's mind, all you have to offer the world is your body," she said. "If someone is broken, you don't want to exploit that."

[pope-francis-quotes]

4th August >> (@VaticanNews By Sergio Centofanti) #Pope Francis #PopeFrancis writes to priests, recalling the 160th anniversary of the death of the Curé d'Ars, Patron Saint of parish priests, and expresses his support and encouragement.

Pope Francis writes to priests: "Thank you for your service"

Pope Francis' letter on the 160th anniversary of the death of the Curé of Ars, St John Vianney: support, closeness and encouragement to all priests who, despite their hard work and disappointments, celebrate the sacraments every day and accompany the people of God.

By Sergio Centofanti

Pope Francis has written to priests recalling the 160th anniversary of the death of the Curé of Ars, Patron Saint of parish priests around the world. It is a letter that expresses encouragement and closeness to "brother priests, who without making noise" leave everything to engage in the daily life of communities; those who work in the "trenches"; those who confront an endless variety of situations in your effort “to care for and accompany God’s people.” “I want to say a word to each of you, writes the Pope, who, often without fanfare and at personal cost, amid weariness, infirmity and sorrow, carry out your mission of service to God and to your people. Despite the hardships of the journey, you are writing the finest pages of the priestly life.”

PAIN

The papal letter opens with a look at the abuse scandal: “In these years, we have become more attentive to the cry, often silent and suppressed, of our brothers and sisters who were victims of the abuse of power, the abuse of conscience and sexual abuse on the part of ordained ministers.” But, Pope Francis explains, even without “denying or dismissing the harm caused by some of our brothers, it would be unfair not to express our gratitude to all those priests who faithfully and generously spend their lives in the service of others.” “Countless priests make of their lives a work of mercy in areas or situations that are often hostile, isolated or ignored, even at the risk of their lives.” The Pope thanked them "for their courageous and constant example" and writes that "in these times of turbulence, shame and pain, you demonstrate that you have joyfully put your lives on the line for the sake of the Gospel ". He invites them not to be discouraged, because "The Lord is purifying his Bride and converting all of us to himself. He is letting us be put to the test in order to make us realize that without him we are simply dust.”

GRATITUDE

The second key word is "gratitude". Pope Francis recalls that "vocation, more than our choice, is a response to a free call from the Lord". The Pope exhorts priests to "return to those luminous moments" in which we have experienced the call of the Lord to consecrate all our lives to his service, to "that "yes" born and developed in the heart of the Christian community.” In moments of difficulty, fragility, weakness, “the worst temptation of all is to keep brooding over our troubles”. It is crucial - explains the Pontiff - "to cherish the memory of the Lord’s presence in our lives and his merciful gaze, which inspired us to put our lives on the line for him and for his People. Gratitude "is always a powerful weapon. Only if we are able to contemplate and feel genuine gratitude for all those ways we have experienced God’s love, generosity, solidarity and trust, as well as his forgiveness, patience, forbearance and compassion, will we allow the Spirit to grant us the freshness that can renew (and not simply patch up) our life and mission.”

Pope Francis also thanks his brother priests "for their fidelity to their commitments". It is "truly significant" - he observes - that in a "ephemeral" society and culture, there are people who discover the joy of giving life. He says “thank you” for the daily celebration of the Eucharist and for the ministry of the sacrament of reconciliation, lived "without rigor or laxity", taking charge of people and "accompanying them on the path of conversion". He thanks them for the proclamation of the Gospel made "to all, with ardor":

Thank you for the times when, with great emotion, you embraced sinners, healed wounds… Nothing is more necessary than this: accessibility, closeness, readiness to draw near to the flesh of our suffering brothers and sisters.”

The heart of a pastor - says the Pope - is one "who has developed a spiritual taste for being one with his people, a pastor who never forgets that he has come from them…this in turn will lead to adopting a simple and austere way of life, rejecting privileges that have nothing to do with the Gospel.”

But the Pope also thanks and invites priests to gives thanks "for the holiness of the faithful people of God", expressed “in those parents who raise their children with immense love, in those men and women who work hard to support their families, in the sick, in elderly religious who never lose their smile.”

ENCOURAGEMENT

The third word is "encouragement". The Pope wants to encourage priests: "The mission to which we are called does not exempt us from suffering, pain and even misunderstanding. Rather, it requires us to face them squarely and to accept them, so that the Lord can transform them and conform us more closely to himself.”

A good test for knowing how to find the shepherd's heart," writes Pope Francis, "is to ask ourselves how we are dealing with pain. Sometimes, in fact, it can happen that we behave like the Levite or the priest of the parable of the Good Samaritan, who ignore the man who lies on the ground, other times we approach pain intellectually, and taking refuge in clichés ("life is like that, we can do nothing"), ending up giving space to fatalism. " Or else we can draw near with a kind of aloofness that brings only isolation and exclusion.”

The Pope also warns against what Bernanos called the “the most precious of the devil's potions", that is "the sweet sadness that the Fathers of the East called acedia. The sadness that paralyzes the courage to continue in work, in prayer", which "makes sterile all attempts at transformation and conversion, spreading resentment and animosity". Pope Francis invites them to ask "the Spirit to come and awaken us", to "shake our torpor", to challenge habituality and "let us rethink our usual way of doing things; let us open our eyes and ears, and above all our hearts, so as not to be complacent about things as they are, but unsettled by the living and effective word of the risen Lord”.

"During our lives, we have been able to contemplate how joy is always reborn with Jesus Christ. A joy, the Pontiff points out, that "does not arise from voluntary or intellectual efforts but from the confidence to know that the words of Jesus to Peter continue to act".

It is in prayer - the Pope explains - that "we experience our blessed precariousness which reminds us of our being disciples in need of the Lord's help and frees us from the Promethean tendency of those who ultimately rely solely on their own strengths". The pastor's prayer "is nourished and incarnated in the heart of God's people. It bears the signs of the wounds and joys of its people".

An entrustment that " sets us free from looking for quick, easy, ready-made answers; it allows the Lord to be the one – not our own recipes and goals – to point out a path of hope. So "we recognize our frailty, yes; but we allow Jesus to transform it and project us continuously towards the mission".

The Pope observes that for one’s heart to be encouraged, that two constitutive bonds must not be neglected. The first is the relationship with Jesus: It is the invitation not to neglect "spiritual accompaniment, having a brother with whom to speak, discuss, and discern one's own path". The second link is with people: "Do not withdraw from your people, your presbyterates and your communities, much less seek refuge in closed and elitist groups…a courageous minister is a minister always on the move".

The Pope asks priests to "be close to those who suffer, to be, without shame, close to human misery and, and indeed to make all these experiences our own, as eucharist.". To be " builders of relationships and communion, open, trusting and awaiting in hope the newness that the kingdom of God wishes to bring about even today.”

PRAISE

The last word proposed in the letter is "praise". It is impossible to speak of gratitude and encouragement without contemplating Mary who "teaches us the praise capable of lifting our gaze to the future and restoring hope to the present. ". Because "to look at Mary is to go back to believing in the revolutionary power of tenderness and affection". For this reason - concludes the Pope – “if at times we can feel tempted to withdraw into ourselves and our own affairs, safe from the dusty paths of daily life. Or regrets, complaints, criticism and sarcasm gain the upper hand and make us lose our desire to keep fighting, hoping and loving. At those times, let us look to Mary so that she can free our gaze of all the “clutter” that prevents us from being attentive and alert, and thus capable of seeing and celebrating Christ alive in the midst of his people.”

"Brothers - these are the final words of the letter - once again, I continually give thanks for you... May we allow our gratitude to awaken praise and renewed enthusiasm for our ministry of anointing our brothers and sisters with hope. May we be men whose lives bear witness to the compassion and mercy that Jesus alone can bestow on us.”

Topics

POPE FRANCIS

PRIESTS

SAINTS AND BLESSED

ANNIVERSARY

04th August 2019, 11:02