remiheadman

[remiheadman]

Research Paper Final Draft

Remi Headman

Fish Burton

English 2010

30 November 2019

             Rape is the leading cause of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in women (Tiihonen 1-9). On top of that, it is estimated that one in every four women have raped or sexually abuse at one point in their lives, and about one third of rape survivors will develop PTSD after their assault (Littleton 1). The high rates of PTSD call for a high demand in therapists and treatment options. One popular form of PTSD treatment is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Donald G. Beal explains CBT by stating that our cognition can change our behavior, our cognitive processes can change over time, and there is a positive correlation between cognitive change and behavior change (5). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy isn’t just one type of therapy, but “loosely organized therapeutic approaches” (Beal 5). Despite the many forms CBT can take on, for the sake of this paper, we will be using Beal’s propositions as a loose definition for CBT. In relation to PTSD, CBT can either start by making changes in thinking patterns or behavior patterns. After a change is made, there will be natural change that happens in whatever aspect wasn’t intentionally changed at first.

Another way to conceptualize CBT is explained by the People in Pain Network. The narrator demonstrates the basics of CBT on a “Mental Health Wheel” (PIPN Time stamp?). The wheel is split up into four different sections: actions, thoughts, emotions, and health. The idea is that each section of the wheel affects the other parts. The clip proceeds to break down how CBT works, and different strategies to implement into daily life that will help minimize symptoms of PTSD and depression. Basically, if you are depressed because of one of the sections on your mental health wheel is lacking, you will target the other three sections to improve your overall health (PIPN Time Stamp?). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy isn’t just popular for no reason. Studies have proven its effectiveness for rape related PTSD. CBT has long lasting effects on minimizing PTSD symptoms (Resick 201-210).

In order to fully understand CBT and how it works for rape and sexual abuse survivors, PTSD must be looked at more in depth. One generalized characterization of PTSD I found is “the persistent re-experiencing of the traumatic event, persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with this event, numbing of general responsiveness, and symptoms of increased arousal” (Tiihonen 1-9). However, PTSD in rape survivors is a little more specific. Some of the signs of rape related PTSD include feelings of isolation and/or depression, shame, self-blaming, distancing self from loved ones, and resisting physical touch. (AAETS 2014).

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for rape survivors struggling with PTSD is obviously very effective and popular amongst those who have been treated with it. Especially since it is a treatment that reaps long lasting results for minimizing symptoms of PTSD. However, how can rape survivors receive treatment that not only minimizes their PTSD symptoms, but also improves their over-all recovery process and wellbeing? Implementing practices of CBT can, and will have a positive impact on lives that are affected by PTSD and depression. (Resick 201-210). However, it seems that CBT focuses specifically on symptoms, and doesn’t take the whole recovery process into consideration.

Every recovery process is going to look different, because every assault situation is different. As far as targeting PTSD and depression goes, CBT is the way to go. But I believe there is a way to do more for survivors and for their recovery process. Instead of therapists focusing on changing the way they are thinking/behaving, what if they started teaching clients life skills that will be beneficial in other areas of their life other than their PTSD symptoms? This question leads me to my proposition: Stewardship therapy. Oxford Dictionary defines stewardship as “The job of supervising or taking care of something, such as an organization or property.” However, for the purposes of this paper, I am going to open that definition up to taking care or managing your own wellbeing, and those around you. Some key words that come to mind when thinking about stewardship are empowerment and gratitude. There are many other aspects of stewardship that could play in, but both topics have research to back them as well. Survivors could potentially re-orient their entire lives if they had the proper encouragement and mind set alongside the standard therapy. Being empowered is key in achieving mental health (Grealish 314-335). For her study, A. Grealish defines empowerment as “enabling a person to take charge of their life and make informed choices and decisions about their life” (Grealish 314-335). If more clients were exposed to empowerment during the early stages of their treatment, they could potentially take control over their lives again. I see this being very beneficial to rape survivors in the way that they are learning to regain control over themselves after they had that control stripped away from them in their assault.

[remiheadman]

Portfolio Epilogue Final Draft

Dear Mr. Fish,

This semester in English 2010 has brought me a new perspective on creativity and a more positive relationship with "blank pages." I hadn't taken any writing classes in the two years before this class, and I was a little hesitant to say the least. If I am being completely honest, I don’t feel like I have actually put all of what I have learned into practice. There seems to be more of an internal change in thinking, than there is actual change in my writing. However, I think this is only because I slacked off in my my tumblr posts. I can say that I feel a little bit more confident in free writing/creative writing. I have also found myself thinking about writing more throughout my day. An idea will pop into my mind, and I can actually visualize myself writing about it and what not (whether I actually write about it or not, is a different story). There is one blog post in particular that I made, that I was rather proud of. It is titled "Hydro Flasks for Hands." I am not exactly sure why I like it so much... I think it is just the pure fact that I think it is funny. I also didn't care if other people would think it would be funny or not. I posted it anyway. I also like the way it is relevant to the current zeitgeist. Speaking of zeitgeists, Learning about zeitgeists, culture, genealogy of a topic, and other topics of the sort seemed very beneficial to me. Having the ability to recognize your culture and current trends in order to understand your audience, will always be useful in writing. I really enjoyed the lessons that covered these topics. 

Another little nugget that I got out of this class was being able to pin-point my passion. I have felt passionately compassionate towards people who are broken, addicted, sexually abused, and in need of help for quite some time now. But this class really helped me narrow in what I actually want to spend my life focusing on. The day we had a lesson on passion, I left the classroom and couldn't even make it to my car. I had to stop in the grass median in the parking lot to write down the thoughts that were swimming in my head. I was so overwhelmed by all the things that "make me swoon," I didn't even know what to do with myself! So I spent the next 30 minutes or so writing non stop until I cam to a settling point. This moment fueled me throughout the semester. It was this passion that I had found that lead me into the research projects. I was so inspired and filled up by this discovery. If more classes had this effect on students, there would be so much more productivity! Although, because of my passion discovery, I wound up with a pretty heavy research topic. This is good and bad. I see the value in writing/researching hard topics... but it also held me back from going all the way in emotionally. Rape (my topic) is a dark rabbit hole and it is scary and it hurts to consistently be reading and writing about. There was one moment while I was watching a TEDtalk that I was using as one of my sources, and I couldn’t help but cry. I had to take a step away from working on my paper and just sit in my emotions for a minute. That moment made me realize something. It made me realize that what I was doing was really important. Life is too short to waste it on things that don’t bring you tears (or other equivalent strong emotions). I think this research paper will be a life-long project for me. I know that what I end up turning into you is not going to be my best or final work. I still have a long way to go. You said something in class yesterday when we were talking about reflection that I really related to. It was something along the lines of “If you are a procrastinator, don’t try and force anything too soon. Give yourself time to let the idea build until it is flowing out of you.” That might be pretty far off, but my point is, I really resonated with that idea. I do procrastinate, but I also have a little bit of perfectionism in me. I have a hard time starting things if I don’t feel like I can do them justice. This research paper was one of those things for me. I recognized that there currently isn’t anything more important to me than my topic, so I knew that I had to write about it. But it is also so huge for me, that I want it to be just right. Unfortunately, I don’t think I got it just right. However, through my reflection process, I have come to be okay with that. This is too big to be completed in one semester. I will never stop researching or diving into the world of people who feel broken. This wasn’t just a paper for me, it was my life’s work. And I will never be finished. Until I die, of course. 

Over all, I think my experience in this class has taught me to not be so afraid of expressing my thoughts, opinions, knowledge, jokes, etc. I can't say for sure that I am a better writer. I need to write more in order to make that claim confidently.  But I can say that I will be leaving this class with a renewed sense of wonder in the world, a refined passion, more creativity, a little bit more confident, and a lot of epic memories of the class lectures/discussions. So maybe I still need some work on writing an academic research paper... but I am okay with that. I value the things I did get out of this class more than the things I didn't. The in-class discussions will be held close to my heart forever. And even if I am not the most literate writer, I do think I am more confident and carefree in my writing since taking this class. To me, that says more about a class than the efficiency, grammatically correctness, and academic worthiness of a writing piece. 

Would rate this class 10/10. 

Sincerely, Remi Headman 

P.s. There were some days that I would bust out laughing during class and realize that it was the first time I had laughed that day. So more than anything, thank you for that. 

[remiheadman]

I am at this point where I feel inspired to express something, but I can’t seem to put anything into words. I can hear a song and it will hit me in the feels, and I can visualize myself dancing to it I can see how I am feeling in movement, but I don’t know how to say it in words. How can I describe what it is in my head? help.  

[remiheadman]

Dance is a language. I am going to start challenging myself to speak the language of dance. Can you ever be fluent? i don't know. There is a lot to learn. What does dance look like when you are trying to communicate that you're tired, unmotivated, happy, angry, in love, heart broken. How do you communicate those feelings? How do you communicate with the body when the body is tired? What can you do to tell a story with out ever opening your mouth? The language of dance is a mystery. It almost cannot exist with out imagery.

[remiheadman]

Annotated Bibliography Final Draft

Barglow, Peter. “Numbing After Rape, and Depth of Therapy.” American Journal of Psychotherapy, vol. 68, no. 1, Jan. 2014, pp. 117–139. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.2014.68.1.117. http://ezproxy.uvu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=slh&AN=95528253&site=eds-live

This article talked about a study performed by Peter Barglow. He looked at four different women and was studying the specific symptom of numbing that often occurs after a rape. He was wanting to discover what brings on numbing, and also how treatment may differ from patients who experience numbing vs ones who don't. As interesting as this study was, I am unsure about the validity of it, considering the very small sample size. Only two out of the four women underwent strong numbing experiences. The other two had acute symptoms and were able to recover and delve back into normal lives. However, despite the possible invalid data, Barglow does make an intriguing argument. He claims that patients who have more complex traumatic experiences, or multiple traumatic experiences causes an increase in numbing. When major signs of numbing are present, it is likely that the patient will have higher chances of regressing later on. It also calls for a different treatment approach. Psychoanalysis or other treatments that involve reflecting on past experiences are less effective in victims who experienced numbing after their rape. Whether or not Barglow is factual in his findings, I think there is something to be said about his research. Rape is a very complex trauma, and should be treated as such. There are many symptoms involved with PTSD and they look different on every person. The treatment given to a client should be personal and intentional. Treating a rape is not a "one size fits all" scenario. 

Beal, Donald G. “Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).” Salem Press Encyclopedia of Health, 2018. EBSCOhost. http://ezproxy.uvu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ers&AN=93871842&site=eds-live

In Donald Beal's article about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT),  he gives a brief overview about what CBT is, and different therapies that fit into the cognitive/behavioral realm. I agree with the claims he makes about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. His propositions seem to hold true in other research and were easy to understand. Beal states that our brain activity, thoughts, perceptions, ideas, (cognition) etc. has the ability to alter our behavior. Another claim is that these cognitive experiences can change over time, and can be tracked or followed. And lastly, he states that there is a positive correlation between behavior change and cognitive change. Since Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an umbrella type of therapy, it incorporates several variations of different therapies. Beal touches on multiple of these therapies. A few that stood out to me and seem to be relevant to my topic, were Stress Inoculation, Self-Control Therapy, and Problem Solving Therapy. Stress Inoculation deals with stress/anxiety, Self-Control deals with depression, and Problem Solving deals with solving problems. Anxiety and Depression are often side affects of rape and abuse, so these therapies would be likely options for treatments that I will be researching. 

Berenstein, Mike, Pittman, Matt. “The Science of Happiness.” YouTube, SoulPancake. 11 Jul. 2013. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg

The Science of Happiness is a YouTube video created by the channel “SoulPancake.” They conducted an experiment on how gratitude affects your happiness. They instructed the participants to take a blind test that tested their happiness level. They were given this test before and after they were given an assignment. The exercise given to them was to write about the most influential person in their lives.Then they surprised them by having them call the person they chose and read them what they wrote. The validity of this specific experiment could be a little off, but expressing gratitude in exchange for a better mood isn’t rocket science. They found a huge increase in happiness in the participants that actually got to talk to their person (Some of the people chosen had passed away, or didn’t answer). But there was even a slight increase just by writing down the reasons they were grateful for that person. Gratitude may not decrease symptoms of PTSD, but it could definitely decrease symptoms of depression which is a another common side effect of rape. If an exercise similar to the one in the video was given to the victims who are in therapy, they could potentially have a faster and more effective healing process. Practicing gratitude will not only increase happiness, but will also allow people who have been abused to momentarily get outside of themselves. This is an important concept to adopt when in the healing process. Obviously healing of the self has to come from within the self at first. However, recognizing the people and things that you are grateful for can shift the attention from the things that are wrong, to the things that are good. And in turn, making for a more positive healing experience. 

“Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT Techniques.” YouTube, People in Pain Network. 11 Dec. 2014.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU9SNz_svKw 

The “People in Pain Network” is a YouTube channel that created a short, animated clip that explains some practical ways you can put cognitive behavioral therapy into practice for depression. Depression isn’t a main area of focus for my research, but it is still commonly developed after rape. They also explained CBT in a very clear and simple way. The narrator demonstrates the basics of CBT on a “Mental Health Wheel.” The wheel is split up into four different sections: actions, thoughts, emotions, and health. The idea is that each section of the wheel affects the other parts. The clip proceeds to break down how CBT works, and different strategies to implement into daily life that will help minimize symptoms of depression. Basically, if you are depressed because of one of the sections on your mental health wheel is lacking, you will target the other three sections to improve your overall health. One of the examples given was to engage in activities that would increase happiness. Participating in an activity would fall under the action section. This will improve your emotions, start helping you think more positively, and motivate you to keep up on your health. This video states that actions and thoughts are generally the easiest to change, so CBT will often focus on those two. Even though this is not considered an academic source, the concepts still line up with other research, and it is helpful to gain an understanding of basic concepts of CBT.

Grealish, Annmarie, et al. “Does Empowerment Mediate the Effects of Psychological Factors on Mental Health, Well-Being, and Recovery in Young People?” Psychology & Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, vol. 90, no. 3, Sept. 2017, pp. 314–335. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/papt.12111. http://ezproxy.uvu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=pbh&AN=124587174&site=eds-live

This study looked at the correlation between empowerment and different aspects of psychological process in young people (ages 16-29). Some of the aspects included self-efficacy, recovery, coping skills, well being, and overall mental health. This was a correlation study, not an actual experiment, so they were only able to come to a tentative conclusion. Plus, there was an emphasis on how empowerment affects younger people, so it could be argued to be different for later adults. However, they did find very high and positive correlations. For the sake of the study, they defined empowerment as encouraging a person to take control over their life, mental illness, and recovery process. The idea is that instilling empowerment would initiate change from within the person. They would take matters into their own hands and have the confidence and self belief to make a difference in their own lives. I love this concept and would be interested in seeing more research. Based on this study, empowerment could potentially change the lives of rape victims.If a victim of sexual abuse had the self-efficacy to recover and the tenacity to see their transformation through, it could completely change how treatment is done today. Instead of teaching a client to be reliant on a therapist or medication, what if they were just motivated to find the change within themselves? Clients would be more likely to have a positive and more effective recovery process if they feel like they had a part in their healing. Therapy and medication can be enabling and degrading to someone who already has low self worth. What would it look like for someone struggling with PTSD or depression to be empowered and learn what it takes to help reduce symptoms of their disorder? Empowerment could be a key player in the turning point of therapy.

Littleton, Heather, et al. “From Survivor to Thriver: A Pilot Study of an Online Program for Rape Victims.” Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, vol. 19, no. 2, May 2012, pp. 315–327. EBSCOhost http://ezproxy.uvu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ961080&site=eds-live

Survivor to Thriver is an online program that was created as a treatment option for rape survivors instead of in person therapy/counseling. This is a very interesting concept, especially for this day in age. In some ways, online programs are genius. They reach the victims that are experiencing self blame and shame and therefore don't reach out for help. They also reach the people that have limited resources to transportation and funds. I can see the many benefits to having a program that finds a way to help the people that get overlooked. This particular program, Survivor to Thriver, had very successful results. The creators found a way to make the modules specific to the person, and it proved to reap positive results. However, I feel like therapy should incorporate interaction and human connection. These programs are great for reducing PTSD symptoms and are obviously working, but how well are they preparing the victim to go back out into the world? Can they truly begin to have healthy relationships and connections again if they are receiving the help from behind a screen instead of from human interaction? Our world is rapidly turning away from human contact with the advance of technology, and I am afraid for what treatment and therapy will turn into because of it. I do believe that healing starts within the self, and in order to make progress in the healing process, present symptoms of PTSD need to be addressed and somewhat worked through. However, what about after that? Online programs could potentially enable clients from making new friends and connections. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Rape Survivors. The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, 2014, aaets.org/article178.htm. Accessed 29 Nov. 2019. http://www.aaets.org/article178.htm

The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress posted an article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in rape survivors. The article first went into brief detail about what PTSD is and how it generally looks, and what it looks like specifically after sexual trauma. The bulk of the article goes through intrusive symptoms (flashbacks), avoidance symptoms (triggers), hyper arousal symptoms, and recovery. The article has a strong, advocating voice for rape survivors. In some ways, this made the article seem less professional and more opinion based. However, it was refreshing to read something that was aligning with facts, but still showing passion. There was a lot of helpful information throughout the article regarding what survivors with PTSD may be going through. Flashbacks, triggers, and various forms of hyper arousal are all very common symptoms, and they can easily affect a large portion of someone’s life. It is important to know and recognize the signs and symptoms of PTSD. This way you can receive help for yourself, or assist someone else in getting the care that they need.A rape survivor’s PTSD may look a little different as well, this article demonstrates that. Fortunately, PTSD is treatable. Maybe not completely or forever, but there are ways of minimizing symptoms and learning how to live a functional life with this disorder. Articles like this one that bring light into the dark parts of PTSD are useful, and should be taken seriously. Trauma is not easy to go through, let alone without help. 

Resick, Patricia A., et al. “Long-Term Outcomes of Cognitive-Behavioral Treatments for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder among Female Rape Survivors.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, vol. 80, no. 2, Apr. 2012, pp. 201–210. EBSCOhost http://ezproxy.uvu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ987137&site=eds-live

The Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology published an article that explains a longitudinal study on Cognitive Processing Therapy (or CPT. Which a branch off of  CBT) and Prolonged Exposure therapy (PE). They compared long term results of rape victims treated with CPT vs PE. This experiment is very interesting because even though there have been studies similar to this one, there haven’t been any that tested results longer than five months afterwards. This study tested participants from the parent study 5-10 years after the parent study had been given. The parent study tested CPT and PE treatment on a large sample of people struggling with PTSD after rape. There was very little difference between CBT and PE therapy both in the parent study, and in the current study. They both produced positive results. There seemed to be an increase in functionality within the survivors over the years, and either the same or reduced PTSD symptoms as the years went by. The experimenters made their best efforts to ensure the largest population size possible in order to receive the highest possible reliability. There also seemed to be thorough testing methods through out, and the article is written well over all. However, PTSD is complicated. It is going to look different on different people who endured different trauma. Generalizing PTSD is unfortunately something you have to do when conducting experiments, but taking personal experiences with PTSD into account can make for better outcomes in treatment. CPT and PE are proven to be effective, but my question is this: how can they be more personalized? 

Tiihonen Möller, Anna, et al. “Identifying Risk Factors for PTSD in Women Seeking Medical Help after Rape.” PLoS ONE, vol. 9, no. 10, Oct. 2014, pp. 1–9. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0111136. http://ezproxy.uvu.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=asn&AN=99201302&site=eds-live

The aim of the research in this article was to be able to predict the women that would most likely develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after a rape assault. The hope from this study would be that if you could identify a woman who is at a high risk of having PTSD related symptoms, you could administer the proper treatment sooner and hopefully prevent some some of symptoms from occurring. This was a longitudinal study that took place over the course of 6 months per participant. There were several different tests, interviews, and assessments taken in order to get to a conclusion. Considering the methods that took place in this study, and from what I know about the scientific method and experiments, I conclude that this was a very thorough and valid experiment. The results showed that not only is rape is the highest factor in developing PTSD in women, but also that one third of rape victims will be diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Something that wasn't specifically talked about in the study, but I feel is important to mention, is the different treatment options that work better or worse for high risk PTSD victims. Treatment is crucial and plays a large role in the recovery process of rape. However, even just recognizing the signs and symptoms of PTSD could help dramatically when dealing with a patient that has undergone the trauma of rape. All in all, this study leaves an open door for more research and points in a direction that is helpful for the future of the healing process after rape. 

Ward, Lydia. “Sexual Abuse and Rape Can be the Making, not the Breaking of You.” YouTube, TED. 27 Feb. 2017. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehTtJRHlk-0&t=1s

Lydia Ward is on the board for the organization called Safeline. Safeline has been around for over 20 years, and is on a mission to help survivors find healing. In line with this mission, Ward  gave a TEDTalk about rape and sexual abuse. This TEDTalk was not given by a scientist. Although it was delivered by a real live survivor which speaks volumes. Especially to other survivors. She makes the claim that rape and sexual abuse don’t have to be breaking points, but they can be a turning points into “survivorhood.” Ward describes survivorhood as a choice. A choice made by a survivor to strip the power from their abusers by taking it back for themselves. In doing so, you can start to heal and live in the present moment, instead of the past. However, Ward does not ignore the pain and struggle that has to come first. She talks about the fear, shame, isolation, blame, and the weight that carrying a secret has on a person after they are abused. Being sexually abused or raped is no walk in the park. It is traumatic and damaging. So this talk encourages survivors to speak up about what happened to them, and embrace the place of vulnerability it puts them in. When a survivor tells their story, it allows them to regain power over their lives.  There needs to be more ears to listen, more encouragement, and more empowerment instilled in the lives of people who have abused. This could change the course of recovery could very well be changed. 

[remiheadman]

Opinion Series Final Draft

“Does Empowerment Mediate the Effects of Psychological Factors on Mental Health, Well-Being, and Recovery in Young People?” 

What does empowerment look like on a person who has been a victim of rape or sexual abuse? If you have unfortunately undergone the trauma of sexual abuse, you might be able to picture this with me. When I think of empowerment on someone who has been degraded, diminished, beaten down, and their self worth is stripped from them, I picture it looking like a fresh haircut and new outfit. The hair doesn’t take away or distract from the face beneath it, but rather it emphasizes the features. A new outfit is a form of expression that might encourage you to stand a little taller and show a new found confidence within the person. 

The scientists behind this study define empowerment by the encouragement of clients to take the recovery process into their own hands, and pick up an active role in their healing instead of just being on the receiving end of therapy. Based on this study, there is a positive correlation between empowerment and self-efficacy, mental health, recovery, and more. If you have sought out treatment for sexual abuse, you likely have experienced cognitive behavioral therapy, one on one counseling, medication for PTSD/depression, etc. These treatments have proven to be effective, but empowerment can make them better. Standard treatment/therapy focuses a lot on the therapist telling you what to do. There seems to be an underlying message that you are helpless without the therapist or medication. (Just to clarify, I am not saying that you’re helpless or useless if you need medication or if you are seeing a therapist. Reaching out for help calls for a great deal of guts, and I give all the power to you for getting there). Empowerment within therapy can potentially teach you how to gain control over your body, your life, and your recovery process. While mainstream therapies help with symptoms of possible PTSD and depression/anxiety, being empowered can bleed into other areas of your life. This way you also benefit from the feeling of accomplishment by taking your mental health into your own hands. 

I want to end by saying that any form of therapy that helps you heal, is amazing and encouraged. Going to therapy is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength. Maybe you are someone who has experienced sexual abuse, but hasn’t reached out for support. That’s okay too. Taking that first step can be incredibly scary. But my hope is that in on your journey, you would experience empowerment in some way, and can pay attention to how it affects your life. There is somewhat of a negative stereotype that surrounds mental health and therapy, where people are shamed for seeking help. This is dangerous. Especially to anyone who has experienced trauma and is struggling with the effects that arise with it. Empowerment has the potential to change that. People should feel empowered for doing what is best for their mental health. Empowerment can change the stigma. You are not alone. Empowerment looks good on you. 

“The Science of Happiness” 

The Science of Happiness is YouTube video. It is not a scholarly article or journal. It does not come from a highly respected source, but it does give a powerful example of what gratitude can do. The video shows an experiment where the participants take a written test that indicated their level of happiness before and after a gratitude exercise. During the exercise, the participants were instructed to write about the person that has positively impacted their life the most. Then they were asked to call the person they wrote about and read them what they wrote out loud. There was a significant increase in happiness in those that actually were able to call and speak to their chosen person. The beauty about gratitude, is that not only will it  improve the messenger’s happiness, but it also increases the happiness of the person on the receiving end. 

Therapy and treatment can easily have the tendency to lack gratitude. There is often an aspect of “thinking on the bright side” or “focusing on the positive” that is encouraged in therapy, but there could be more concrete exercises like the one in this video. It is one thing to think positively, but it is another thing to step outside of yourself, and spread positivity to someone else. Expressing gratitude to someone forces you to spend a small moment thinking about someone else, and takes the focus off of yourself. Those who have experienced rape or sexual abuse are required to do a lot of introverted thinking and focus on their own well being throughout their healing process. These are very important and necessary aspects to work through. However, only focusing on the things that you need to work on can be negative and tiring. The beginning stages of the recovery process should be rather selfish. The person in recovery should be focusing on themselves, and how to best find healing within their own soul. But there should be some things in place that can shine light on the positive aspects in their life and will keep them aware of their ability to make others happy. Which leads me to my next point. Feelings of shame and unworthiness can be overwhelming side effects of rape. Gratitude exercises can bring confidence and a sense of purpose to those who don’t feel like they have any. Expressing appreciation for someone and getting a positive response in return has a huge impact on the overall well being of a person. Positivity is infectious and should be a key component in healing and recovery. Implementing habits of gratitude in people during their darkest moments will help them go out into the world and have a better attitude towards other difficult situations they may be faced with. Being a person of gratitude not only makes the people around you feel appreciated by you, but will increase your overall happiness. The world of therapy, recovery, and healing needs more gratitude oriented people. 

“Identifying Risk Factors for PTSD in Women Seeking Medical Help after Rape.”

Depression and PTSD are disorders commonly associated with rape. In fact, studies have shown that one third of women will develop PTSD after a sexual trauma. This study took this unfortunate data, and tried to figure out what factors within a rape are more likely to cause the development of PTSD. Their methods included self reported questionnaires, and a work up of a PTSD diagnosis within one month of the rape, and then another follow up visit six months after the rape. They looked at multiple different factors that could possibly contribute to the severity of PTSD and depression. Some of those factors included the relationship between the victim and the rapist, the physical violence/force used during the rape, history of previous rapes or sexual abuse, coping strategies, and social support.

 I personally feel that social support is crucial in the event of rape. Speaking as someone who has had many close people in my life go through various sexual traumas, I am very passionate about speaking for our friends and family battling the aftermath of such trauma. I am overjoyed to see more research into what is going on inside those who are hurting, and what signs to look for. The more we educate ourselves, the better we will be able to help those around us. Someone who experiences rape may not realize that they need the support that they do, but if we are aware of the different factors, we can better prepare for supporting them. However, going about this can be tricky. Even with research, there will never be a clear “one size fits all’ blueprint for supporting someone who has been raped. Every person is different and has a different story. We can still learn as much as we can, and just putting forth that effort can show our loved ones that we are trying, and we are there for them. This study found that women who experienced re-victimization, multiple sexual acts during the rape, had depression on top of the PTSD, and were injured during the rape are at the greatest risk for severe PTSD. All women deserve to be treated with tenderness and care after an assault, but it may be beneficial to pay special attention to those who endured one or more of the previously listed actions. It is not our job to heal our loved ones on our own, but we can help by recognizing high risk symptoms and referring them to the appropriate care.

 All in all, rape is a severe trauma, and should be treated as such. We may not be aware of all the potential side effects of rape, so familiarizing ourselves with them might help us sympathize with our friends and family and recognize the dangers they may be experiencing. Having a strong support system after a rape can relieve some of them initial stress, and ease them into seeking proper care. Be there for your people in the ways that you can. You could help them more than you realize. 

[remiheadman]

A Pianist’s Point of View

Any dancers out there that dance to live music during class, maybe you can relate to this:

Have you ever thought about what they’re thinking during class? Are they solely focused on their music, or do they watch the dancers/teacher? Do they get inspired by the dancers? What does it feel like to watch people move the the music you’re creating? Do they have favorites? Do the notice improvement? What’s their interpretation of the teacher? I want answers!!

I have pianist named Hope for my ballet class, and she’s very reserved. She mostly keeps to herself and doesn’t talk much. But I always wonder what she’s thinking. My teacher is frequently walking in right when class is supposed to start, or a few minutes late, but Hope is always at least 10 minutes early. And this is saying something because It is an 8am class. Through the whole semester, even though she knows my teacher is likely going to be late, she is still there early. Why? What are her reasons? If she gets frustrated, she doesn’t show it. What decideds the tunes she plays on certain days? Is it random?

If you’re a musician and can speak into this, please do! I’m so curious!

[remiheadman]

A Dancer’s Identity

I just want to take a moment to share my “identity crisis” as a dancer. Maybe I am the only one who has experienced this, but if not, I hope to send hope, comfort, and understanding to those who have gone through/are going through it. 

I spent all of Jr. High and High School on a competitive dance team with a studio. Dance was my life. Dance was my identifier. It was my favorite thing about myself, and my favorite subject to talk about. My (non dancer) friends would even make jokes and comments like “We get it Remi, you’re a dancer!” That might seem offensive to some, but I loved it. I was a dancer and I was proud of it! 

As I got further into high school, the more I knew I wanted to dance in college, and probably for the rest of my life. I think I spent an average of 20+ hours a week dancing on top of school my junior/senior year. It consumed my life. There definitely came a point where I was exhausted and dance started to affect other areas of my life... but 17 year old me would never be able to admit that. Because I was a dancer, and I wanted my life to look like it. I felt like I had something to prove. To who? I have no idea. But something inside of me felt the need to play the role I had imagined for myself. There were countless parties, family gatherings, school events, and church gatherings that I missed out on because of practice. At the time, I didn’t care. Dance was my top priority. 

Flash forward to middle-end of senior year... and its scholarship application and audition time. I had a plan set out for myself. I had a applied for the dance sterling scholar scholarship, which would potentially give me four years of tuition, and I was going to try out for the college dance team. I had high hopes and was looking forward to my future. 

But nothing ever goes according to plan, am I right? I only made it past the first round for sterling scholar, and I didn’t even make the first cut for the dance team. I was a little shattered to say the least. I tried to not to let it show. I had learned pretty good sportsmanship through years of competing, so on the surface, it didn’t affect me much. But there was something deeper that was stirring inside of me. I had lost my identity as a dancer. It might seem dramatic, but that was what this felt like. I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t actually good enough to succeed in the art, the profession, and the sport I had built my life on.

Now, whether or not that conclusion is true, that was what I had came to. I didn’t know where I was going to go from there. My identity in dance wasn’t something I was proud of anymore. It started to put limits on me. I didn’t know who I was outside of a dancer. I did my first semester, since I was able to get some scholarship money. I took a few dance classes just to stay in shape and I couldn’t bare the thought of not dancing... but dancing in college turned dance into something else for me. There was homework. And grades. And it was stressful. Dance wasn’t an outlet for me anymore. It became part of my stress. I started to feel ashamed of my abilities and wasn’t grateful for them like I used to be. 

I didn’t go back to school after that semester. I ended up losing the one scholarship I did have because of a failed math class. I went 2 years with out dancing after that. Something that was very surprising to me during that time, was that I didn’t have as much desire to dance as I thought I would. I missed it a lot towards the end of those two years, but I will talk more on that later. Also during this time, I realized just how fragile my identity was. I put my entire life into one thing, and I got a glimpse of how quickly that could be taken away. What if I was in an accident, and became paralyzed? What would I do then? What if my physical body failed me in some way, and I was never able to dance again? These thoughts crossed my mind, and quite frankly scared the shit out of me. I knew that something had to change. I couldn’t live my life having my identity be in something that could be stripped away from me so suddenly. 

There were many other factors in this story that led me to where I am now, but eventually I found an identity in Jesus, and that changed my life drastically. 

(I did not make this post to preach/evangelize. My intent is not to push my beliefs on anyone, I simply wanted to share the dangers/struggles I had in having an identity in something that wasn’t permanent or could stand on it’s own. Whatever you decide to identify with is wonderful and beautiful. In my case, Jesus worked the best for me.)

When I was finally able to discover something that gave me new life and a new purpose, I started seeing the world and myself a little different. I had hope, and I had confidence in who I was as a person. I wasn’t just a dancer anymore. I was a person with story to tell. I was a person with a purpose. I was a person with other hobbies/interests. I was a person. I was no longer restrained by what a dancer should look like, or what a dancer should be doing, or how they should be doing it. I rediscovered myself as a person who loved Jesus and wanted to live  a life for him. I just also happen to really enjoy dancing and celebrating the body that God gave me. 

Towards the end of my- what you could call a sabbatical- I found myself craving movement. part of me was scared to dance again because it had been so long, and I wasn’t really sure where to begin, but something in me needed to move. I needed to move in a way that I hadn’t before.I needed to celebrate my new life.  

I still have a long road ahead of me, but I am getting into the rhythm of being of myself and dancing at the same time. So if you are still reading this, I hope you know that you are special and don’t belong to just one category. You are not your profession or your hobbies. You are you. And I encourage you to search for whatever that thing is that will ground you, and give you an unwavering identity. 

If you are going through something similar, please reach out. I am more than happy to help. 

[remiheadman]

• 9/8/18 - 9/8/19 •

I completed this journal today. Not only is it the first journal I have ever completely filled, but my first entry was exactly a year ago to the date. I had written about my first full day of Uncharted.

A journey I will never forget. I have learned more about myself this year than all my other years combined. And I can say with out a doubt it has been the best year of my life. Thank you to every single person who had a part in it.

[remiheadman]

Project Proposal Final Draft

For my research topic, I am researching the effects of implementing stewardship into the healing process from rape and domestic abuse. Oxford Dictionary defines stewardship as “The job of supervising or taking care of something, such as an organization or property.” However, for my project, I am broadening that definition to taking care of three specific areas of life. I would like to look at being a steward of yourself (physical body, spirituality, and mental health), Your environment (the planet, home life, work/school space), and Others (your relationship with family/friends, strangers, and significant others.) These three areas make up major components of everyday life. Knowing how to properly manage and take care of the things that you are faced with everyday, is crucial to living a healthy life. Unfortunately, one or more of these components is impaired in those who have undergone the trauma of being taken advantage of.

 My hypothesis is this: Learning how to healthily interact with yourself, your environment, and other people, would greatly improve the quality of life and aid in the healing process of the trauma of rape and domestic abuse. 

Even though there are many resources for people who are experiencing/experienced rape and domestic abuse, there is still a much greater need to tend to these people. Going to a therapist isn’t enough. Of course, reaching out and talking to a professional is never a bad idea, but this kind of trauma deserves more attention. Someone who has been raped needs more than just an ear to listen.  Living a proactive and interactive lifestyle is way more beneficial. 

Some questions I am hoping to answer are: How does someone who has been raped/abused view their body? How would learning to be a steward to yourself change that view of your body? In what ways is a person’s life impacted after being taken advantage of? How could a rape/abuse victim benefit from learning about how to maintain healthy relationships? What would happen if someone who had undergone this kind of trauma spent adequate time caring for the planet, other people, or his/her self? These questions are at the forefront of my mind, and I want to do whatever I can to answer them.

I plan to spend some time talking to professionals who are in the field of healing from trauma. I am fortunate enough to personally know Derek Daley who is a professional in the world of Outdoor Behavioral Health. He is a strong advocate for getting therapy off of the couch, and into the real world. We share similar passions and ideas, and he will definitely be someone I will be in contact with. Another resource I plan on taking advantage of is Adam Young. He is a psychologist that specializes in how trauma affects a person, and how to start on the path to recovery and healing. He has podcasts and articles that provide valuable information on this topic. I intend on doing my own research as well, and get perspectives from people who have been in this line of work, and those who have personally gone through trauma. I know of a few close people in my life that have been sexually abused that would be willing to give some insight into their experience. With their insight, hopefully I will be able to answer some of my own questions as well. I hope to gather as much information as possible to make this the most effective research as possible. 

My hope for this research is to bring light on how much of an issue rape and abuse really is, and how to best help those in need. As a result of this research, I eventually want to be able to design a program that involves focusing on the three components of life I mentioned previously. My goal is to use that program to bring peace, confidence, and new skills to those who are hurting. I would love to see my research bring forth a tangible way to approach change and healing, and have it be something that someone can carry for the rest of their life. 

Some helpful tools that can be incorporated into the three areas of life are the enneagram, dance/yoga, service, being in nature, and meditation. All of these things fit into either benefitting yourself, your environment, or other people, and can be implemented into everyday life. Practicing stewardship could even be as simple as writing a thank you note to a friend, taking 10 minutes out of your day to be still and mindful of yourself, or picking up some trash while walking down the street. I think if people had a safe place to learn these tools and how to use them in their own lives, their healing would drastically improve. This is just a handful of ideas I have for implementing stewardship into the lives of those who have been hurt. I would like to explore the benefits of all these things and more. I want to know what the best and most effective way to approach change and healing is, and what that looks like. 

 Therapy doesn’t have to be sitting across a desk with a total stranger. There is so much more that can be done! I want to get people out into the world, and have them be using different tools to bring light on the areas of their life that need the most attention. I have a vision for people taking action on their own healing process, and becoming their best selves. I am on a mission to change people’s lives. There are so many people out there who are lost and broken that need help. I plan to not only find them, but take them in and give them something to live for. To show them their worth and how to best move forward in their lives a functioning and whole hearted person. This isn’t just something that needs to be talked about, this is something that requires action. And with this research, I am going to do just that.

[remiheadman]

Hydro Flasks for Hands

Hydro Flasks have quickly become a staple to the general public. They keep your water ice cold for days, they are a vessel for all your trendy stickers, they are an easy way to keep you hydrated... and they can also be used as mf weapon. Have you ever had a full 32 oz hyrdro land on your toe? Imagine what that baby could do to a skull with a little force behind it. As a 110 lb female, I am always thinking of ways to defend myself... so you can catch me walking out to my car with my keys in between my knuckles in one hand, and my hydro flask in the other. In all my days, nothing has made me feel safer than the security blanket of my hydro. It stays on my night stand watching over me as I sleep. It is there for me when I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like someone has been swabbing my mouth with a fist sized cotton ball, and you guessed it, is a quick weapon just in case someone breaks into my house and tries to kidnap me. I wouldn’t even surprised if we evolved into having hydro flasks as hands. Imagine, we just start birthing children with a teal, 24 oz, twist off cap bottle instead of an arm. As a whole community, we are more hydrated than we have been, crime rates go down, we always have immediate access self defense all is right in the world. 

[remiheadman]

The Conundrum of a Lover

What do you do when you have committed your self to someone, but they are reluctant to commit them selves? Do you stick to your word and wait it out? Or do you leave and find someone who will finally love you as much as you love them?

Part of me wants to be the person that holds true to their commitment, and doesn’t give up no matter what. But how long does that have to go on for until there is no more hope? Where do you draw line with someone you love? There comes a point in any relationship where someone struggles, and the partner has to decide how they are going to handle that struggle. If you are committed, the decision would seem easy, right? You stick with them. You encourage, support, and comfort them until they can get back on their feet.

The other part of me wants to value dignity and personal empowerment, and leave. I don’t want to be another story where the girl is too wrapped in someone that she can’t see straight, and she gets taken advantage of. I don’t want to end up looking like a fool for staying as long as I did. I want to stand up for myself. I want to get what I deserve. I want to be loved back, and don’t want to stand for anything less. I wan’t to make my needs known and speak my mind. I don’t want to hold my tongue. I want the satisfaction of leaving something behind that is not worth having around.

But what if he changes? What if waiting is worth it? What if he does love me back? What if I leave, and he ends up proving him self, but I am not around to see it?

[remiheadman]

This is a really interesting concept that I feel needs to be talked about more. As a strong advocate for gratitude in all areas of life, of course I can get on board with this one. But since I am in a relationship with someone who lacks gratitude, this particular argument hits home to me. I can attest just from my personal experience of being on the receiving end of not being appreciated, that it is a huge factor into the dynamic of our relationship. So much good can come from choosing to see the positive aspects of someone. It helps you to want to do more and try harder for them, because you see them as something to treasured. And it also helps your partner feel loved and in turn they will have more respect for you and want to put in more effort if they feel like they are being appreciated. Bottom line, look for the good in people. It’s not naive. It doesn’t make you childish. It just makes you a better partner and a happier person. 

Researchers have found one underlying mechanism that helps explain why attachment avoidance is negatively related to relationship satisfaction. Their findings, which were published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, suggests that gratitude towards one’s partner mediates the relationship between attachment avoidance and relationship satisfaction. People can be secure or insecure in their attachments to […] via PsyPost

[remiheadman]

Life of an Empath

I have a gift. I know when someone isn’t okay even if they say they are. I have the ability to tune into people and help them even if they won’t ask for it. I can save lives by relating to people that didn’t know they could be related to. But there are bad parts too.

I never know if the way I am feeling is how I truly feel, or if it is stemming from someone else. I feel so much at the same time, that I can’t differentiate between my own emotions. My emotions can change in the blink of an eye and I won’t even know where it came from. Every person I walk by is feeling something. Lonely, sad, excited, nervous, lust... and I feel all of it. All it takes is a slight observation, and I am right there with them. But sometimes it doesn’t even take that much. If it is a very strong emotion, I don’t even have see them to feel what they’re feeling.  People think I don’t understand. they make claims that I couldn’t possibly know what they’re going through... maybe they are right. Maybe I don’t know what caused them to feel this way, but I still feel exactly how they are.

I can’t be in large crowds of people. It gets too overwhelming. Sometimes even just a few people is too much. I try my hardest to shut it out and not focus. But that usually leads to not focusing on anything at all. I become numb and disengaged from other people. I get so good at cutting others feelings off, that I can’t feel my own either. In the process of trying to cure my “gift,” I end up losing all ability to feel in general. Even the good stuff.

Maybe it’s a gift after all.

[remiheadman]

Gratitude.

Gratitude is a super power. And we all have the ability to access it. So why don’t we? 

Our society has created a negative atmosphere where all of our conversations are centered around complaining. Think about it. We don’t know how not to. And it is toxic. Start paying attention to what people around you are saying. Luckily, gratitude is here to help. To sweep in, pick you up off the ground, dust you off, and hand you a kitten. Gratitude has the power to change us. All we have to do tap into it. It is a life changing mind set. At some point we need to realize that a) not everything is about our selves. and b) every little thing isn’t worth getting worked up about, let alone talked about it in the first place. Gratitude is choosing to focus on the positive. Gratitude is choosing to thank others instead of ridiculing them.

 Gratitude is contagious. Gratitude can change your life, and the lives of those around you. Break the normality of complaining, and use your super power. 

[remiheadman]

What Do You See?

What do you see when you hear music? When you hear the sound of a loved ones voice? When you hear the sound of a baby crying? What comes to mind when we are being influenced by outside sounds? 

Do you see movement? Do you see memories? Do you imagine a new scenario? How do our brains turn music, voices, sounds, etc. into images? 

The fact of the matter is, we see something. Our minds have no choice but to turn something we can’t see, into something we can. How integral are these images to our daily life? How do they affect us? 

Better yet, what do we make others see? With our own voice, our own music, our own sounds?

[remiheadman]

This is so true and so vital to living. One of the reasons why Wilderness Therapy is so effective. (It’s a real thing. Look it up.) But seriously, creating still moments throughout your day can reset your brain and relieves stress. I think there is something naturally inside of us that craves nature, and we live in a world that is stuffed full of things that in the way of that. I would be willing to say that I think getting back in touch with our roots of earth is the most beneficial thing for mental health. 

Taking a few moments to pause and observe nature can improve your mood. 

Literally ‘stopping and smelling the roses’ or noticing things like a bird, a house plant, a dandelion in the side- walk, or just the sun shining through the window can boost your happiness and well-being. 

(Source, Source 2)