deardaughter

[deardaughter]

Side Effects of POOR habits!

I learned a lesson during my fast... Well, technically I learned the lesson after I BROKE fast. 🙃🙃🙃🙃😩🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃😩🙃🙃

Mastering the mind is challenging—Super underrated SKILL. I am still working at it. Progress is definitely a process. S/o to @habitblcx lol

So anyway, I’m sure you all are dying to hear of my shortcomings and find out how I messed up. Well, to make a long story short, I was just a few days shy of completing my 21-day fast when I received some good news. It didn’t take long for me to convince myself that I could make this one exception and award myself with a cocktail. 🥂Cheers!

🙃 It was pretty much downhill from there. I proceeded to spiral and “enjoyed” some ChickfilA, and watched a few pointless television shows. Ughhhhhh! Why Janine?! Anyone else find it ironic that I “rewarded” myself with things that I recognized were not good for me? Strange, right? 🤯🤨🤯

After giving my actions some thought, shortly after my poor decisions, the dreaded weight of FAILURE sat heavy on my chest. I was so disappointed in myself. Trying not to feel defeated is tough. 

(Insert favorite GRACE affirmation here lol)

Luckily! In the midst of my learning to treat myself well. I am also learning to extend grace to MYSELF, which I find to go hand in hand with self love. And after my slight hick-up, I am proud to say that I still finished out the week relatively strong by continuing to journal, talk to God, meditate and I even butchered some yoga poses lmao

Prior to breaking my fast I honestly felt great EVERY morning. In fact, although I set it, my alarm clock did not wake me up one day. I was naturally awakened by the sun/Son at about 5:30/6am each day. There has to be a correlation between purpose and a great rising. ☀️🌿 (Thank you God) My mood was pleasant and blood pressure reading was normal!!!! My thoughts were more clear and positive. I felt POWERFUL because I was intentional about EVERYTHING: my time, my diet, my time with God, time with myself/thoughts, my goals, etc.

“Why would anyone give all of that up?” I had to ask myself. What is it about knowing what is good for you, but doing something else instead?

What I have found over the course of this incredible journey is that (1) even after you do something consistently, the desire to cheat/appease the flesh will always be a lingering consideration. But have no fear—Walk in confidence knowing that you can CONQUER it! (2) Poor habits such as too much tv, consuming more unhealthy vs nutritional foods, not reading/praying/feeding the spirit, all can contribute to a poor life if not done in moderation.

And when I say POOR, I am not merely referring to money! I’m talking about the condition of your mind, body and spirit. I chose to honor MYSELF by making better choices…and I succeeded (to an extent). I now understand what treating myself WELL feels like and I don’t want to go backward (no matter how much I love ChickfilA lol).

I was naive to believe that 30+ years of habits and patterns were completely behind me. I fell FLAT and I fell FAST!

BUT!,—yes, the graceful BUT 😌… I get to try again! I am strong and I am serious about living a worthy lifestyle. I can do this! I am committed to bettering myself. 

Challenge to self: Give yourself another 21 days. With a few minor adjustments: TV is ok after you’ve dedicated at least 5 additional hours a day (outside of work) to any/all things concerning mailbox money. Eat better- consume fruits & veggies daily. Exercise 4-5x/week. Continue readings from your book list and your Bible.

Leggggoooooooooooooo !!!!

Key words:

Intentional: done on purpose; deliberate. (Each day has a purpose. I make a choice to not let life happen to me, but to instead be an active participant in the shaping of my life.

Poor: of a low or inferior standard or quality. (God wants more for me. I want more for me. It is up to me to raise the bar in all areas of my life.)

[deardaughter]

Rather Be...

I’ll say it now. This is not for everybody. 

Some of us are already there--already perfect--already intentional about the moves we make on a ‘daily.’ (side eye)

Well, that is not me! My journey has been long and full of some mistakes, chile.

But I’ll let you be perfect and just tell all my business (it’s therapeutic anyway lol). You can just sit and listen and be perfect and intentional and what not. 

Still here?... ok Cool!

So, the other day as I was walking out of the bank, approaching my car, I thought to myself, “Self, you really need a new car.” I guess my dented passenger-side door was just so aesthetically displeasing to my subconscious that I couldn’t ignore it as I normally do. 

I have thoughts like this all the time, I’m sure we all do. If it’s not a new car, it’s a new handbag, shoes, pair of jeans, etc. 

But here’s the kicker! I’ve been fasting! and praying! and meditating! so that initial thought was then followed by, “Nah, I’d rather have my shit together, than to merely look like I have my shit together.” 

Boom! Code cracked! Done-zo! I win! LOL 

But we don’t just arrive at this place. It takes work to prioritize what is important and what is not when it comes to finances. It also takes work to resist the urge to measure ourselves by how many beautiful things we can attain.

In retrospect, I wondered what is it that drives that instinct that would rather look good than to actually be living a truly “good” lifestyle. 

I don’t think that this mentality is an isolated attribute of black people. HOWEVER, it has been my experiences with (black) friends and family members that we focus far too much on outward appearance rather than discovering our inner selves. 

So I’ll pose this question: How many of us actually LIVE in a way where we strive to be BALANCED  and in harmony in all three of these areas?

Mind

Body

Spirit

An unbalanced life is draining. I equate it to death. You cannot produce anything from a depleted/abandoned source. 

Death seems like a harsh description, right? 

Well I think it’s fitting...

I’ve faced a season where I was mentally weak. In that time I was more susceptible to depression, and although it came in waves, it was real. My body is still recovering from years of neglect and taking it for granted. I experienced weight gain because I ate poorly, overly consumed alcohol, ignored warning signs of high blood pressure and I developed laziness. 

My spirit was the only thing that I was constantly ‘feeding.’ The problem was although the mind, body and soul served me in different ways, each one is codependent on the other and intersects in a way that if one is not being nurtured, it has a tendency to affect the others and subsequently interrupt the harmony of life. With that said, even when my spirit was being fed, the lack of balance among all three areas ultimately led to struggles with my faith, complacency in toxic relationships and self-doubt.  

I’m 32 now and it’s simple; the goal is to be better. I have the FINAL say in the direction my life takes. (Prayer: God, I hope that you are pleased with my desires.)

It is time to do away with pretense and pretending. Everything is not always “FINE,” and that is OKAY. I have issues, but i’m done ignoring them in efforts to appear like I’ve got it all together.

My question, and the reason for this article is WHY? Why is it more important to look like we have it all together, rather than actually having it together?

Consider for a moment this theory: what we don’t know and recognize about the black experience in American history, aides in our demise. You know the saying...when you know better you… DO BETTER!

A large portion of black people do not know the full history of the brutality America has inflicted on the black race. This evil has had a residual impact on the lives of many black Americans.

Dr. Joy Degruy, author of “Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome” helps lend some insight as to why, frankly speaking, ‘we do what we do!’ 

She suggests that our tendency to make certain decisions (or lack thereof) are adaptive and survival behaviors. Degruy states, 

“much of who we are is developed by our environment and the things we see in our families, communities and legacies. What we arrive at in terms of what we believe we are capable of has to do with those significant people in our environment. If those people are broken (for whatever reason) then we are getting broken concepts, beliefs and perceptions. Brokenness. And we incorporate that in our lives.” 

This concept of adaptive behavior is proven true in a myriad of ways; from the food that we eat, to the way we think about who we are. 

She goes further in calling this an intercultural phenomena that exist and is being passed down through generations affecting contemporary black people. 

In other words, cycles of uninformed (bad) decisions continuously impact our futures. Our best bet is to unpack, unlearn and rediscover. No longer should we normalize making poor decisions. 

There has never been any global intervention for the black race. We have to do the work ourselves. We have to teach ourselves so that we can teach our children the truth about who they are.  

For some of us, we have never heard this information from this perspective. And sometimes new (life altering/identity altering) information may ignite a deep sense of hopelessness, which I experienced in my early years of self discovery. To combat that emotion I continued seeking knowledge and in do so I regained hope. As I continued reading Degruy’s book I came across these words:

“So what became of us, the prodigal children, since leaving home (Africa)? We experienced the appalling cruelty of being stripped from our native land, and being torn from our families and endured the tortuous journey of the ‘middle passage’ . . . and we still rose. We were divested of our language, culture and customs, bought and sold like livestock, raped and bred to perpetuate more victims, crushed beneath more than two centuries of government-sanctioned tyranny . . . and we still rose. We were made to labor a lifetime for another with no recompense, only to be released to suffer even more from the indignities of the Black Codes, Convict Leasing, Peonage and Jim Crow . . . and we still rose. Thousands upon thousands of us continued to be brutalized, marginalized, tortured and lynched . . . and still we rose. How is it that a people who suffer generation upon generation from abuses such as these and more still manage to rise! Yes, we have still managed to rise. In spite of our past we have still made strides. 

We are a people of uncommon strength and fortitude.”

We Rise! We have to continue educating ourselves about the past in order to get to a more promising future. I come from a very loving family. I do not come from a background of scholars. My people taught me what their mothers taught them. Some of that information is useful, while some has been harmful. However, if we are to move ahead and thrive we need to truly understand and accept who we are as a people. Bless you black sister/brother.

THE END… thanks for reading!  

Key words:

Post traumatic slave syndrome (PTSS): a condition that exists when a population has experienced multigenerational trauma resulting from centuries of slavery and continues to experience oppression and institutionalized racism today.

intercultural phenomena: a fact or situation that is observed to exist or has been passed down through generations within a cultural community.

Adaptive behaviors: who we are is developed by our environment and the things we see in our families, communities and legacies.

Disclaimer: This is not to box anyone in. If you cannot relate, keep it moving.

[deardaughter]

through diligence she aligned with her purpose and manifested her destiny

Common 

(via sistaqueenthing)

[deardaughter]

Solo Brought Us Together

I realize that there has been quite a bit of chatter about the beautiful and talented Beyonce’s, Lemonade album. While I am amazed at her work, what has truly impressed me this year is the work of her younger sister, Solange. She released A Seat at the Table September 30, 2016.She describes it as a "project on identity, empowerment, independence, grief and healing."

She is expressive of her feelings regarding the social issues of today and uses her experience as a black women in America to connect with her fans. Google does a great job of defining the meaning of Afrofuturism. It describes it as a literary and cultural aesthetic that combines elements of science fiction, historical fiction, fantasy, Afrocentricity, and magic realism with non-Western cosmologies in order to critique not only the present-day dilemmas of people of color, but also to revise, interrogate, and re-examine the historical events of the past. Afrofuturism at its best; A SEAT AT THE TABLE  is all about her interpretations of self-identity, while blatantly confronting the hate and contempt of black people that stems from white supremacy.

My Top 3 Tracks

“CRANES IN THE SKY”  and “DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR” tie for first! Lol Each is a black girl’s dream come true. Every line in these songs resonate deep within the root of my kinky curls. The black woman is everything and gets credit for nothing. I say it all the time, that the black woman is the most un-protected and un-loved human on the planet. But we are magic and we are art. Here, I think Solo taps into the realization that #blackgirlmagic is real and she wants listeners to feel it.  

“MAD” allows listeners to vent and be angry, but theres hope in the song as well. She maintains that despite all odds and obstacles we must still not allow these circumstances to defeat us. Listen: “I ran into this girl I said i’m tired of explaining—man this shit is draining and i’m not really allowed to be mad… I got a lot to be mad about”

In “F.U.B.U.” (FOR US BY US!), she gives us an anthem to sing along to. The closing lyric addresses cultural appropriation, a term we know all too well. Listen: “get so much from us, then forget us! don’t be mad if you can’t sing along, just be glad you got the whole wide world… This shit is for us, some shit you can’t touch…”

Fun Fact: “JUNIE” is another song on the album which I recently found out pays tribute to funk polymath Junie Morrison (Ohio Players, Parliament-Funkadelic).

Solo, as her fans call her, is also best-friends with popular Afrofuturist, Janelle Monae. Surprised anyone? Lol

I kid you not, A Seat at the Table is a MUST hear—MUST sit and listen—MUST let it feed your soul, impeccably structured album.

Thank you queen Solange!

A Seat at the Table is unquestionably a sista—queen type of thing!

[deardaughter]

Images are essential to our imagination. Girls need to see themselves in every aspect of history, contemporary life and in the future as much as possible.

Ava DuVernay

[deardaughter]

the future is all we had.

DJ Lynnee Denise (original source unknown)