#and that's fucking agonizing

[midnightwind]

gonna stream of consciousness discuss Lucanis, Spite, their relationship, and the control they have over each other

This started as me wondering just how their communication works, because sometimes Spite chimes in with a thought or feeling from Lucanis that he doesn't voice. Yet the vast majority of their interactions are verbal on Lucanis' end. Spite also operates mostly on the basis of "if Lucanis or one of the party members doesn't explain something, then I won't be able to understand" which is one of the popular reasons for his many tantrums. So it seems like Spite can only comb through Lucanis' mind so well. Is it because they've been at odds for a year? Is it possible for them to reach a level of harmony where they can converse solely in the mental? Is there a point where Spite can sift through Lucanis' memories and knowledge without needing the man to audibly tell him anything?

I think Lucanis doesn't realize just how much he controls Spite's environment and abilities. When Spite asks for your help in Inner Demons and pulls you into their mind palace, he's locked out of the inner chamber. He can't get past the many guardians Lucanis has put up to reason and guilt himself into isolation. He needs Rook to make any progress towards his host. Lucanis wants to distance himself so much from Spite, he has recreated their prison and then locks Spite out into the farthest reaches of it.

Imagine being ripped from your home and shoved into another person, to go from a life of fluid freedom to a small vessel of unyielding flesh. Imagine that, at the very least, you are not alone in this agony. In the Ossuary, the real one, Spite and Lucanis always had each other. They hated everything about it. But they were never alone. They came to an understanding. They are as much kindred souls as they can be given their twisted creation. There is a comfort to be found in that.

Instead, Lucanis has trapped himself in the very room where they likely were forced together. Where Zara likely tortured him most. He picked the room holding the worst memories and the sharpest pain, and he forced Spite out of it. Lucanis has decided to hold a knife by the blade in a white knuckled grip and pushed away the one being who knows that pain intimately. And it feels like a betrayal. They experienced horrible things in that room, together. They survived the ordeals, together. They found reason to cling to themselves, the determination to live, together. And at the end, Lucanis chooses to be alone. Because it's easier to think he deserved it all if Spite isn't there to save him from himself again.

But they escaped the real prison! They're finally free. Spite can finally experience all the happier memories and thoughts Lucanis held onto, see the world he's now trapped in, because not once does Spite think to kill his host. Not once does Spite try to walk him off a cliff, use any number of sharp knives or vicious poisons a Crow carries, never tries to talk him into death. He wants out. He wants to be free, but he knows that it would come with a price. So instead, he settles for living. That's why he's furious at Lucanis for locking them both up in a pantry, for keeping himself tucked away from the others, for refusing to even acknowledge the torture he is subjecting them both to.

I can only imagine how infuriating it must be for Spite. He's thrust into the physical world where nothing makes sense to him. He's trapped in a man who would rather carry their prison with him forever than try to find a way to live, changed as he is. He's not even allowed to cling to the one bastion of comfort in this new, gently hellish existence because the would-be friend has locked him out. And to top it off, their new home is a bubble inside his home. Lucanis is staying in the Fade, and Spite isn't allowed to exist there. Imagine being in a cage where your home is just outside the cell. You can see it, smell it, hear it, but you can't even so much as poke a finger through the bars. I would have started biting people.

The two times we see Spite take over in the Lighthouse, he isn't reveling in this touch of home. He isn't seen trying to walk them into the welcoming abyss to drift forever in the Fade. He's trying to reach the Eluvian. People have theorized that Spite was trying to take Lucanis back to Treviso. To take him home, to his family, to get help. Spite wants out, but more than that, he wants Lucanis to start living. When Rook starts getting through to the assassin, when he starts opening up and engaging with the group, Spite lashes out less. He earnestly tries to talk with the party at times. He expresses more curiosity than animosity to them.

I can only imagine Spite's frustration as Lucanis insists on holding onto their prison given how much better things are with the Veilguard. How bitter it must be to have thrown himself at every door in the ghost of that cage for naught, just to watch Rook breeze through it. How gutting it must have felt to finally reach Lucanis and he's chosen the place that hurt them the most. And he has chosen to live in it alone.

I think Lucanis never truly realizes the extent to which Spite cares. The tragedy of their existence isn't solely a spirit trapped in a man, it's two kindred souls who experienced the worst, but always had each other. It's one rejecting the other despite the shared trauma. They should have been happier, more at peace, after the escape, but Spite was never allowed to properly leave because Lucanis dragged that place into them. He spent a year trying to survive hell, then left Spite thrashing at the walls of it. And he wonders why the demon is screaming.

[lbhslefttiddie]

"Shen Jiu, you really are a demon!"

in which yue qi saves an injured fox kit, which turns out to be an young fox demon. once he's recovered enough strength, he adopts a human form so that he can talk to yue qi properly, but ends up being caught by the slave traders as well. Since he can change form, it would be pretty easy for him to escape, but if he's discovered as a demon he'll never be able to return, and he has no home or family anyways, so he decides he would rather stay and help qi-ge, who will probably get himself killed without someone to stop him from doing stupid shit.

when shen jiu saves yue qi from death by horse carriage, and subsequently is bought by qiu jianluo, fairly quickly qjl realizes he is not human, and delightedly gifts him with a enchanted collar, which renders him unable to chnage forms, stuck in him demonic form and unable to change to full fox or full human shape. like this, he cannot leave the qiu manor at all without immediately giving himself away, even if qjl hadnt also locked him up. like this, he has no choice but to wait until yq makes his way back to the qiu manor at last, but when he's finally freed, he's initially almost feral from how he's been treated, and very nearly kills yqy...

[platoapproved]

OH NO I'VE JUST REALIZED SOMETHING. It's so obvious how did I just catch it.

So Lestat and Armand meet up earlier in Memnoch the Devil, and Armand is wearing all denim and is super dusty. Lestat sees him and lovingly thinks about wanting to clean him up, do his hair, etc. Armand responds 'yeah, you're always wanting that, back in Paris you wanted to perfume me and comb my hair and put me in velvet and embroidery'. (see here for excerpts)

WHEN LESTAT GETS BACK NEAR THE END OF THE BOOK ARMAND IS WAITING FOR HIM! Wearing velvet and embroidered lace! He has left his hair down and uncut like it was back all those years ago in Paris, only it's cleanly washed. (see here for excerpts)

He.... he gave himself the Lestat-likes-it-when-I-look-like-this makeover while Lestat was out.

[ar-mage-ddon]

rusted starlight

[meraki-yao]

Taylor during last night's dinner party

[slabime]

guys be like "I'm fighting demons" and it's bisexuality

[nerdishpursuits]

Fina's broken no puedo más and Marta's anguished mi amor

[actuallyimabird]

Just needed to get it out of my system

[synthaphone]

help me decide how to paint this thang

[razberrypuck]

anyway umm gillion's parents are the only people I think gill won't have much of a reaction to seeing. no matter how he decides to approach the elders, he'll be afraid of them, like he always was. he'll openly weep the next time he sees his sister, they'll hug each other and never let go. but seeing his parents again. I think he won't even recognize their faces. barely remember their names. whatever they do, however they react to seeing him again, I think gillion just...doesn't do much of anything. it's uncomfortable and somehow overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time and these people that are crying and hugging him and apologizing are just strangers to him (and he feels bad for thinking of them that way, but what else is he supposed to do?)

I think he'll expect to be sad or angry. maybe happy to finally meet them. but he just shuts down. he doesn't know why.

[hypokeimena]

sometimes when total strangers commit the crime of being annoying in my reblogs i DM them or reply @ them before blocking simply due to the autistic need to be understood. BUT i have rules for when i'm allowed to do that.

1. i'm not allowed to do it without running the scenario past a groupchat to make sure i'm justified in annoyance and not simply evil (due to migraine, hangry, etc) 2. i have to make it constructive and helpful feedback, such that they can avoid getting blocked in future interactions. which sometimes makes me feel like i'm some sort of tumblr user manners training wizard. eg:

> CHUMMY INSULTS are only funny if you are already MUTUALS WHO TALK. try upgrading your FRIENDSHIP before attempting this maneuver!

> if you don't wish to ANNOY other USERS, try NOT leaving long, off-topic REBLOGS. such REBLOGS may result in other USERS taking the BLOCK action against you, and/or being targeted by a PISS ON THE POOR attack in future interactions!

> unloading your PERSONAL TRAUMA in a STRANGER'S INBOX unprompted is a BOUNDARY VIOLATION!

many such cases. obviously don't phrase it like this unless your goal is to be insanely condescending. but anyway i recommend doing your best to at least mentally frame your feedback this way if you're going to block the motherfuckers anyway.

[thebrainrotsreal]

The anime intro that plays in my head for this AU goes so hard, I swear. Every so often I become obsessed with the idea there being a Danny that still was forced grieve his family and friends, but Vlad refused to separate his ghostly half. Imagining these two having to learn to live with each other? The grief? The guilt? The conflict? Yummy!! Below for random hair thoughts for this AU.

Notes for funsies!

A) Danny’s slightly longer hair is both a marker for the passage of time since the funerals, but also because his mom can't cut his hair anymore. He refuses to let Vlad do it, and refuses to do it himself. It gets longer in his ghostly form.

B) On the other hand, Vlad’s is longer hair is specifically stress induced. He’s become a single parent in a day, with a company to run and a halfa, grieving child, who still somewhat sees Vlad as his own enemy, as a son. Usually, Vlad enjoys his ponytail a bit longer than his shoulders and enjoys maintaining it, but with his career and Danny, he really hasn’t had the time. Worse, his hair flares like fire and curls like smoke, a ghostly trait he usually keeps in check, but it's been left to run wild and unkempt. Much like his eyes, which he usually keeps blue, it slips into his ghostly red from stress.

C) Danny’s white hair streaks and green in the eyes all comes from his ghostly side slipping through the cracks, both from feeling like a ghostly monster walking around in human skin from the guilt and grief, and general fact that stress for a half’s pushes ghostly traits through, which usually worsens stress, unfortunately.

[peculiardiction]

How tired does THE Batman have to be to be bargaining with a baby…?

An ADORABLE prompt fill for the dc gatcha for gaza ! This one is of Bruce holding a baby Cass, requested by a lovely donator! Only TWO MORE DAYS to put in a request of your own and get some amazing art from talented artists for just a minimum of 5 us dollars!! Wow!!

[disgruntled-lifeform]

My dumb ass just had a stunning Epiphany

I can knit with store bought acrylic yarn.

[llondonfog]

Ignore if you're not taking the parental caretaker and kid writing prompts. Can you do the "take me instead" prompt with Lilia and Silver in an alternate ending to the Playful Land event where Silver goes with Jamil and Idia to save everyone when they didn’t return? After trying to fight, Silver offers himself up as an exchange for everyone to the owner of the carnival, who either likes Silver or recognizes his heritage. Lilia, meanwhile, is helpless to say anything as he’s puppetfied, so can only watch as Silver exchanges his safety for his own.

"The crown jewel of my collection," the carnival owner breathes as if swept up in some avaricious vision and Lilia wants to vomit at the nauseating sight of his bejeweled fingers caressing a lock of silver hair (Lillia's own blessing!) between them as Silver stands rigidly still and stoic throughout the callous inspection, only the slight tensing of his jaw betraying his discomfort and unease at the truth this stranger seems to possess. "To waste your good looks and breeding on a simple soldier puppet? I wouldn't dream of it— to own a prince, yes . . . oh yes, that would certainly be a claim to fame like none other."

It's useless to struggle, but Lilia's never been very keen on submission, straining with all his might within the cage of his frozen limbs and the rictus of the ludicrous smile that blasted, thrice-damned fox has etched into his face (oh, once he gets his claws on the pair of them— there won't be a scrap of fur left after he tears them limb from limb). He has to continue to fight against the rotted wood corrupting his skin, he has to believe that there's some flaw to this insidious curse, a flaw that even he could exploit with the miniscule puddle of magic left in his soul, he can't— he can't allow this to happen! He cannot allow this boy— his son, his precious, golden-hearted child— to sacrifice himself for a dwindling old fae and his miscreant classmates who would easily turn their back on him if he was so far unsalvageable, there has to be another way!

"It's quite ironic though, wouldn't you say?" The carnival owner turns to grin at Lilia, all mangled teeth and glittering slot machine eyes, and Lilia's never wanted to forgo magic and punch someone with a demonstration of real fae might as furiously as he does now, to have the sick satisfaction of the man's face crumpling under his fist and revealing the candy floss and caramel stitching him together. "Who could have guessed that a child would end up to be the one running after their own wayward parent?"

He remembers now what shame tastes like, the bloated ache exploding on his tongue as the cruel words sink in and catch at a memory— a memory of ghosts and tricks and Silver staring at him in disbelief as if he'd shattered the very essence of who the boy thought he was. Silver with an expression of such heartbreaking confusion, having braved countless obstacles all to save his father whom he thought was in danger. . . only to realize that the man had helped to orchestrate the entire affair.

Silver, who like the true knight— no, like the true son he is— once again laying his own life on the line for his loved ones.

How could Lilia have allowed this to be the second Halloween that he's been so thoughtless and disappointed his son?

[ecstarry]

sometimes u need to realize ur smut needs improvement and just contact ur smut guru guy